#but don’t expect a posting schedule because I’m still working on everything else too ����

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

꧁༺ 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓼 ༻꧂

Listen, I know I have like 8008 wips right now but we don’t need to talk about that. What we do need to talk about is Janny angst, and I’m here to supply in the form of Jake confessing to Danny at a Halloween party and Danny not knowing how to respond. Hope you enjoy!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner *slasher

Warnings and tags: 18+ only! Please consider all of my work to not be suitable for minors at this point, unrequited love, angst, Halloween party, brief mentions of sexual activity (Sam and OC), drinking, making decisions while under the influence, sharing a bed, literally one singular kiss

Word count: 2.7k

I’m sorry Jake, but I don’t think I can like you that way.

His response rattled around in his head for the rest of the evening while the rest of the party raged on around him. Why did he say that of all things? Honestly, it was the best excuse he could think of on the spot.

Jake had just caught him off guard. Didn’t corner him or anything, didn’t speak in a way that made Danny feel like this was actually a big deal or not. Danny couldn’t help but keep replaying the interaction over in his mind, thinking of ways he could have responded differently. It got to the point he couldn’t even decipher which memory was real anymore or which was just a scenario hoping for a better outcome.

It had been nearly three hours ago. Danny was the first one to arrive, having brought over some last minute things Sam had text him to pick up on his way. Jake answered the door, quickly offering to take some of the many shopping bags Danny held in his hands and brought them along to the kitchen.

“Where’s Sam?” Danny asked immediately, not thinking anything of it.

Jake’s brows furrowed for only a second, or had they? Danny wasn’t exactly sure now that he tried to recall each detail.

“He went to go pick up Cheyanne” Jake answered as he started to dig into the bags.

“So he expects us to just set up his own party for him?” Danny scoffed, and he did remember the way Jake cracked a smile. Jake always smiled when he said something snarky or witty.

It wasn’t long after they finished setting everything out. They were just waiting around for more people to show up, or Sam and his girlfriend to make it back. Danny was on his phone leaning against the island in the kitchen when Jake slowly approached and placed his hands on top of the granite across from him.

He knew Jake didn’t just come outright and say it, but how the conversation started exactly alluded him now. First Jake asked him if he’d been seeing anyone interesting lately, and Danny simply answered no without looking up from his phone. How could he when the band kept him so busy? He was surprised Josh and Sam found the time to date, but then again even though they put a lot of effort into it the band just didn’t mean the same thing to them as it did him and Jake. Even when they weren’t rehearsing they were constantly messaging each other, sending back and forth clips of chords they were working on together.

When Jake finally worked up the courage to ask him, Danny thought for a moment that he couldn’t be serious.

“Would you want to hang out sometime? Go, I don’t know, see a movie or something?”

“Sure,” Danny finally locked his phone and stuffed it back into his pocket. “I thought you didn’t like movie theaters though?”

Jake might have blushed at that point, his fingers idly poking at the flakes of quartz sealed into the countertop. “I mean, that’s usually where you go when asking someone out on a date, so”.

“Oh”. Danny stood up straight, blinking a few times as he watched Jake for any sort of indication that he was just joking. It was hard to take him seriously when he was standing there in his Halloween costume, dressed as a pirate with the flowy blouse exposing the chains that adorned his chest, and a bandana tied around his freshly trimmed shoulder length waves still a little damp from the shower. Danny felt silly himself when he left his house in his cowboy get up, almost forgetting his hat in the passenger seat of his car because he didn’t want to wear it in the grocery store.

“Can we talk about this later?” That was one of the responses he could have given, but he knew that would have only made Jake’s anxiety spike. He chose to ask him now, who knows how long he had already been waiting?

He watched as a few different expressions flashed across Jake’s features before finally settling on something Danny was unable to read. “Is it Sam?”

“What?” Danny questioned a little defensively. “Sam is with Chey”.

“I know he is” Jake quickly continued, “but just knowing someone is off limits doesn’t stop you from feeling certain ways”.

Danny got his double meaning. Jake must’ve known there was a lot riding on this, but he chose to ask anyway. It made Danny’s heart pound even now as he thought back on it. If it were him in Jake’s shoes, he didn’t know if he would have been able to do it.

Jake finally accepted his answer and they awkwardly agreed that this didn’t need to change anything between them, they could just go back to being close friends, band mates, until Sam and Josh bound through the front door.

The party only got more and more loud and unruly as more and more people showed up, crowding every room on the ground floor of the townhouse. Danny stood idly by in the living room, having been abandoned in his conversation with Sam as he made out with his girlfriend on the couch.

He sighed and left for the kitchen to make another drink, not really feeling the party after the whirlwind of emotions from earlier. Jake had made himself scarce, no doubt hiding out on the back patio where it had to be quieter. Going to find him drifted through his mind, but he figured that probably wasn’t the best solution to his boredom considering the way they’d left things. If only there was a way he could go back and say something else. Anything else.

The statement wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. Danny didn’t know if he could like Jake that way because he had never thought about it before. Now though, now that he knew how Jake felt it sparked a tingling inside him. Like the time when he played his first successful copy riff on the guitar, or when he was asked to join the band.

When he returned to the living room, Jake had emerged. His was the first presence Danny caught from across the room despite his small size. Jake quickly shifted his gaze to avoid eye contact, but he continued to smile softly as he listened to the person in front of him talking.

Danny wanted to make his way across, past the couch with the happy couple still on it, and join in on the conversation but instead he kept his distance. Continuously he found himself looking back in Jake’s direction though, who didn’t once glance his way again. Or if he did sneak a peak Danny didn’t notice, but that seemed unlikely considering the amount of times he had his eyes on the other man.

Finally after midnight the house started to clear out and the familiar quiet of Sam’s place returned. With the living room at least a little picked up Danny decided to call it a night and climbed the stairs to retrieve his change in clothes and toothbrush from Sam’s room, but inches away from the door he heard what was inside. Soft moans, the repetitive squeaking of a mattress in motion.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” Danny whispered with a groan, leaning his head back against the far fall and staring at the door in frustration.

Seconds later, the door to the upstairs bathroom creaked open and out stepped Jake in his pajamas with rings of smeared eyeliner still clinging to his waterline.

“Hey” Danny waved, trying not to scare him.

Jake jumped anyway, having expected everyone to have gone home by now.

“What ar-”

Danny cut him off with a finger to his lips, then pointed at Sam’s door. “My things are in there”.

Still clutching his chest, Jake’s eyes darted over, then he heard it too. “Oh”.

His voice came out in a matching hushed tone now. “Were you supposed to be crashing here?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to sleep on the couch downstairs. Would’ve liked to change and brush my teeth first though”. Danny’s tongue ran across the face of his teeth, feeling the sugary coating of all the mixed drinks he’d consumed throughout the night sticking to their surface. He pushed off the wall and started to walk towards Jake who instinctively backed away. “Guess I’ll just find some mouthwash in the bathroom or something”.

Jake stepped aside and allowed him to pass, their shoulders bumping slightly in the narrow hallway. After swishing with a nearly empty bottle of Listerine and washing his face with some cool water from the sink, Danny shut off the light to the bathroom and gave up on trying to retrieve any of his items from Sam’s room. For a brief moment he debated on just trying to go home, but he had definitely had a few too many ���beverages’ as Josh liked to call it to believe it was safe. He snuck his way back down the hallway, trying not to disturb any of the rooms’ occupants, but when he reached the top of the stairs he heard a door creaking open.

“Danny” a voice carried through the dark. It wasn’t Sam, he usually preferred to use his full name for whatever reason.

Danny turned to see Jake standing in the hallway again, waiting until he had his attention to disappear back into his room again only to pop back out with a stack of clothes. “These should work for the night”.

“Thanks” Danny graciously took the shirt and pants, examining them in his hands, they certainly looked comfier than his silly western jeans and button up.

“I’m sorry, the couch downstairs is really uncomfortable” Jake folded one of his arms across his chest, his hand gripping just above his elbow.

Danny thought back on how Sam and his girlfriend had spent most of the night making out there before deciding to take it further in the bedroom. He shuddered at the thought of trying to stretch out in the same place, that paired with all the other thoughts he already had racing around up there meant it was likely to be a long night. “Yeah, I don’t really expect to get much sleep”.

He could tell Jake was running through scenarios in his own head now, internally trying to calculate what his next move would be, until finally he spoke again. “You don’t have to, I wouldn’t be hurt at all if you said no, but if you wanted, I mean I have a king size bed so…”. His words came out in a stumbling slur, like every which way he had thought of asking jumbled together into one hardly coherent sentence.

“Umm” Danny gathered enough to understand what it was Jake was offering, and usually he wouldn’t think anything of sharing a bed with a friend, but after earlier he stopped to consider how that might translate.

“It doesn’t have to be weird or anything” Jake added, “I’ll stay on one side. I have an extra blanket. Just don’t want to see you suffering down there”.

It warmed Danny’s heart to see how much Jake cared, even with the reveal of his hidden feelings, Jake was always a generous person. He liked caring for people, and Danny trusted that this was just another example of how Jake always looked out after him.

“Yeah, alright, guess it would be nice to actually get some sleep”.

Jake nodded and Danny followed him into his room. He hadn’t been staying with Sam for long, ever since Josh and his partner got serious and he offered to move out so they could have a bit more privacy. For now he was living in Sam’s spare bedroom because it didn’t make sense to sign a lease anywhere right before they were about to go on another long stint of touring.

Danny looked around, even with the short amount of time he’d been here the space already felt unique to him. Guitars were scattered about, some on stands and some just propped up against the wall or dresser. He watched as Jake made his way back to his side of the bed, the covers pulled back like he’d been waiting to hear Danny emerge from the bathroom, and then he realized he still needed to change.

Jake picked up the book he’d turned over on the page he was at and stuffed his bookmark inside before setting it on his nightstand and clicking the small lamp off. He crawled back into bed but looked up to see Danny frozen in place staring down at the clothes in his arms.

Oh god. He doesn’t feel comfortable around me anymore. Jake beat himself up, not exactly regretting trying to make his move, but still worried Danny might act differently around him now, and not in a good way. Trying to pretend like he didn’t notice Danny’s hesitance, Jake shifted down into a lying position, tucking his hand underneath his head and closing his eyes to try and feign sleep.

After a few minutes and the quiet rustling of clothing, the bed beside him dipped and he felt Danny lay down next to him.

It wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed, more than likely wouldn’t be close to the last either. Certainly, it also wasn’t the first time Jake felt his heart fluttering at the thought of how close Danny was, yet still so far away.

Time passed slowly, Jake could feel the seconds ticking on with each thump against his chest. He squeezed his eyes closed tighter, trying to resist the urge to open them and check to see if Danny was still awake too. His answer came in the form of a warm hand sliding across the sheets, stopping just a mere centimeter from where his head rested on his pillow.

Jake dared a look, and when he did he was met with the overwhelming sight of Danny’s radiant irises. Greens bursting from brown in a way that captivated anyone who got close enough to witness their magic first hand. And captivated Jake was.

“Danny I-” Jake attempted to correct whatever it was that had settled between them. He couldn’t apologize for his feelings, but he could at least attempt to explain himself in a way that Danny might understand.

That was all cut short though, because Danny’s hand reached further, coming to rest on Jake’s cheek. Danny inched closer in the bed, waiting a moment for any signs of reservations from Jake who was caught frozen in his touch.

Without another word muttered between them Danny leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was an odd feeling at first. He had never kissed another man before, not that he had anything against it. But kissing Jake? Even he was shocked at his actions.

Jake parted his lips slightly to let out a content exhale and slotted Danny's bottom lip between his own. He took command of the kiss, knowing full well that Danny was probably still feeling lingering effects from the alcohol. Should he have instigated a more intense kiss in return? The answer was definitely not, but Jake feared this might be his only chance to feel what it was like to have his feelings reciprocated, so he greedily took all he could get.

In an instant Jake stole Danny’s breath, and in the same aching heartbeat Danny pulled away.

They laid there in silence, staring at each other through the dark as they both searched each other’s eyes for the answers to their unspoken questions.

Even if those answers were to remain shrouded in the darkness of this bedroom, they would always share this moment. Jake clung on to that sentiment as he closed his eyes again, forcing his breathing to steady out and for sleep to pull him under.

“Good night Jake” Danny whispered in the end, leaving it to fate to decide whether or not Jake heard him.

Tags: @scarletvanfleet @kultavalo

[revelboo]

Im not sure if these are updated based on request or based on your whimsy, but if it *is* request based, may I please beg for Ironhide? I love the old man >.<

If not, feel free to ignore and I will continue to patiently wait :) 👍

Love u so much for this blog; it gets me through the work day.

Honestly, it’s mostly based on people reminding me in the asks that I’ve neglected a character or story, because I’m not motivated enough to make a posting schedule I know I won’t stick to and those asks are sitting at over 300 at this point 😂 no matter how fast I go through them

Hold Me Down Pt 4

Ironhide x Reader

• “Rules,” he growls, servos flexing as you scowl up at him from where he’d unceremoniously dumped you on his cluttered desk. “You’re going to behave. Primus help you if I catch your sticky little fingers on anything that’s not yours.” And you’re looking around, ignoring him. Smacking a hand on the desk to make you jump and glare, he grins. “Act like a sparkling and I’ll treat you like one, darling.”

• Eyes narrowing at the big, red jerk, you curl your lip at him. He’d made it abundantly clear that you’re not getting away. That you’re stuck with each other and that he hates it. Well, that’s fine. The hate is pretty much mutual. He’d tried to give you a heart attack after all. And, okay, maybe you’d been trying to steal him at the time, but how were you supposed to know he wasn’t a real van? If anything, this is his fault. And what is a sparkling? Sounds like an insult. One thing you have figured out? He can’t hurt you or you’re pretty sure he’d have chucked you out while driving and that makes you brave to cover up the fear. “Look, demon van,” you say ignoring his pointed ‘it’s Ironhide.’ “You kidnapped me, so I have every right to make you miserable. And I’m going to enjoy it.”

• You’re grinning at him, no longer putting him in mind of a sparkling. No, they’re at least innocent. You’re a vicious little scraplet, all teeth and evil. “Try me.” Because he’s not putting up with any sass or attitude and unfortunately, you seem to be nothing but. He almost liked you better screaming. Bending slightly to get on your level, he reaches out and taps you on the head with a servo. Grimacing as you slap at him, swearing. Maybe gentler next time, he decides as you rub your head to send your hair into disarray. “I’d behave a little better if I was your size.”

• “Well, I’d punt you across the room if I was your size,” you mutter, rubbing your head. He’d thumped you hard enough to hurt. “Jerk. Demon van. Asshole.” Those big servos flex into a fist and you shut up. Know he can’t hit you, but the threat? Cringing and hating yourself for it, you glare up at him, heart racing.

• That shut you up, but it twists unpleasantly through him, too. That fear in your eyes so raw. It’s the look of someone expecting a blow because it’s familiar, cringing but still defiant. Resigned. “Look,” he grumbles, sitting down and suddenly exhausted. “I’m not going to hurt you, but you can ease up on the back talk.” Lips pressing into a thin line, you just shrug. Right. Brat. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not cut out for taking care of sparklings.” And far too old for it besides.

• That word again. You’re beginning to suspect what it means and it’s not flattering. “You understand that I’m an adult, right?” When he just stares, you swallow a laugh. “I’m not a kid, pal. I’ve been on my own for years and I don’t need taking care of.” Or want it. Relying on other people, trusting them to look out for you, to have your back can only come back to bite you. The only one you can count on is you. You’ve learned that the hard way. Anything else just gets you hurt and you’re so sick of pain.

Previous

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You hold me down

You're the echoes of my everything,

You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.

You're the laziness of afternoon,

[supernova41st]

hiii ‼️‼️ I was wondering if you could do tf2 boys (any characters you want) with Mercy from overwatch reader 😭.

Heroes never die 🪽

Tf2 x Mercy!Reader

Scout/medic

A/n: SHES BAAAACK YUH YUHH BOOM SHACKALACKAAAAA YES GODDDD. Idk what else to say other than I hope y’all missed me!! Idk what my ‘schedule’ will be but just expect more posts in the future

Medic

Do I need to say anything? You don’t fw him at all. The differences are pretty clear, moral and sanity wise.

At first he was pretty interested to have another doctor on the team. But he quickly got jealous because the mercs took more of a liking to you than because of your gentleness.

“You’re with me doctor”

“Jou got it”

“Not you ya four-eyed twap! The angel”

“Oh, thank you ☺️”

Resurrecting heavy

“Doctor! We must try this resurrection thing!”

“You too???”

He hates you now, you’re not really fond of him either. Not only does he practice medicine with no license but his procedures are so inhumane compared to yours.

“Thank my medical professionalism, Ludwig.”

“Oo Klugscheißer, miss perfect!! Fuck you.”

He genuinely thinks you’re an Angel here to make his life more difficult cuz from what I heard he’s had his fair share of dealing with satan.

He’s interested in your work but will never EVER ask you about it because of his pettiness. Will try to recreate your resurrection skills however it looked less like a resurrection and more like dragging a zombie out of its grave.

When he showed it off to you you were terrified

“Now if we just grunt just help our little subject on his feet, he’ll be as good as new!”

“Celestial! Ludwig please put him out of his misery!!”

“Vhat? Nonsense, he’s fine!”

*he says as his his subjects body collapses

He got so thirsty for you when he saw you pistol whipping an enemy scout for him, it startled him so he thought it was hot

“Whew, careful out there Ludwig”

“…please, please take my heart. I vill have it taxidermied for you and everything!”

“What 🙁”

Now he’s become obsessed, pockets you every round and the team is not thrilled about that. It is fun to see you fly around landing headshots at the enemy team tho

Scout

This man had ZERO fucking idea you were even on the team until he began a mission with you. So when he was on the edge of dying and you flew over to lend a helping hand he frl thought god sent an angel to save him.

He didn’t even say anything he was just in shock like

‘😦..I’m the chosen one’

When he got back to the base everything felt so surreal to him, but then he immediately started bragging about it cuz it’s scout.

“Omgg do y’all have a guardian Angel? 🤭No? Fucking losers”

“Are you talking about y/n?”

“Who?”

“Hello”

“..oh”

He was so let down ��� he had a genuine ‘I’m special’ moment there

You get so tired of him so fast. It’s always something with him, he’s like a little boy always getting injured and crying to his mom to pull out the first-aid kid

“Y/n, I lost a friggin’ tooth again”

“Seriously scout? This is the fifth one this week! Next time you’re going to medic for this.”

Free my boy, he didn’t do anything wrong 😞

Loves it when you resurrect him, makes him feel like a ‘newborn baby’

“Did it hurt?”

“Scout I’m busy I don’t have time for your pick up lines.”

‘:(‘

This bitch will do ANYTHING but stay still so you can heal him. It’s like he’s running away from you??

“🏥🏥🏥🏥🏥”

“SCOUT PLEASE GET DOWN HERE!!”

“THEYRE SHOOTING 🏥”

“YOU THINK THIS IS NEWS TO ME?”

Will try hopping on you when you’re flying, it didn’t go well.

“Are you gonna heal my legs now?”

“No! That’s on you for being stupid”

“When are you gonna give me a pair of those wings doc? I was born to fly 👽”

[melanchol1cs]

NO LONGER MINE TO HOLD.

leon kennedy x reader

word count: 1.1k summary: can a heart still break once it's stopped beating? masterlist | taglist | wips

no major warnings. mentions of death, greif, depression, not too explicit but descriptions of what it feels like to be in a coffin, kind of angsty(?)

a/n: i’m gonna cry i’m actually running out of lace dividers so don’t mind me reusing the old ones i’ve made </3 ANYWAY so sorry i forgot to post this, had alot going on this week but my schedule has pretty much cleared up

the engagement ring still sparkles on your finger, catching faint light that filters through the cracks, like stray beams breaking through the slats of a coffin. it shouldn’t. you shouldn’t see light anymore, not from this angle, not buried in this strange in-between.

it’s strange how death works—how the weight of the ring lingers, heavy and familiar, while everything else has faded. you can’t feel the warmth of leon’s hand, only the echo of it, as though it’s reaching for you through layers of earth, clawing at the emptiness where you used to be.

you thought death would be… cleaner. lights out, cue the credits, fade to black. you thought death meant silence—the cool weight of the dirt pressing you down into nothingness.

no one tells you it’s like this: stuck, suspended, neither above nor below. a ghost with nowhere to haunt. you can feel the world moving above you, every step leon takes a muffled tremor through the fabric of your absence. and you can’t dig your way out.

it’s cruel, honestly. you didn’t sign up to be an audience to your own absence. you didn’t sign up for any of it.

the first few weeks are agony. leon is a wreck. you’d try to comfort him if you could, but there’s no way to bridge the gap now. you’re here, and he’s there, and no matter how much you want to reach out, to brush his hair back from his face the way you used to, you can’t. so you watch.

the apartment becomes a kind of tomb, sealed off and stagnant.

he’s quiet now, quieter than you ever remember him being. no more humming while he brushes his teeth. no more off-key singing in the shower. no more dumb little jokes about how you take up the whole bed when you sleep, even though you knew he was worse.

your toothbrush still sits on the bathroom sink, your sweater still drapes over the chair, your mug is still in the sink, the laundry basket still smells like you, but he hasn’t touched it. not yet. he can’t.

instead, he sits in the dark most days, nursing half-empty beers he never finishes, staring at the wall like he’s waiting for it to speak.

he walks through the place like a man carrying his own casket, shoulders slumped, each step slow and heavy.

and his sobs come at night, muffled but raw, like they’re clawing their way out of him. you try to reach out, but there’s no breaking through.

you’re trapped beneath the weight of everything you left behind—his love, his sorrow, the life you didn’t get to finish.

it’s not that you expected him to bounce back right away—he loved you too much for that—but you didn’t think it would be this bad. it’s like he’s disappeared along with you, his laughter, his joy, his everything swallowed up by the void you left behind.

you thought this would be the worst part.

the grief. the silence. the way his hands shake when he turns the engagement photo face-down because he can’t stand to look at it anymore. you thought this was the hardest thing you’d ever have to endure.

you were wrong.

because time doesn’t stop for grief. it doesn’t stop for love, or for loss, or for you. it marches on, dragging everyone with it, no matter how much they resist. leon is no exception. slowly, almost imperceptibly, things start to change.

it’s the small things at first. the toothbrush disappears. your clothes get packed away, though he leaves your favorite sweater in the back of the closet.

he doesn’t sit by the window as much anymore, staring out at nothing. the framed photos of you slowly disappear from the walls, though the empty space it leaves behind feels louder than any picture ever was.

that one photo stays face-down for months, until one day it’s gone altogether. he starts going outside more, answering calls from friends, taking the time to breathe. it should make you happy. it’s what you always wanted for him.

and then, one day, he laughs.

you feel the shift like a crack in the foundation, a split in the earth above you.

it happens at the coffee shop you used to love, the one with the mismatched chairs and the too-sweet caramel lattes.

he’s sitting there, alone at first, until she shows up. she’s soft-looking, with kind eyes and a nervous smile, and she spills her drink all over his table.

you expect him to be annoyed, maybe even leave. but no. instead, he smiles. actually smiles. it’s small and hesitant and doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s there.

you feel something crack inside you. or maybe outside you. it’s hard to tell.

because here’s the thing: you wanted him to move on, didn’t you? you wanted him to heal, to find something good again, someone who could pull him out of the mess you left behind. but wanting that and watching it happen are two entirely different things.

she makes him happy. and that’s the worst part.

she’s kind to him, and he’s kind to her, and soon, they’re sharing the kind of warmth you once thought belonged only to you. it burns in a way the cold silence of death never did.

he smiles more now, even laughs sometimes, and there’s a lightness to him that hasn’t been there since… well, since you.

and you can’t leave. you’re bound here, like roots tangled too deep in the soil to ever be pulled free. you tell yourself it’s love, that you’re staying for him, to make sure he’s okay. but you know the truth. you’re here because you can’t let go. because even though his heart is piecing itself back together in someone else’s hands, it still feels like it should be yours.

they say you die twice: once when your heart stops beating, and again when someone says your name for the last time. but there's a third death, you think, when you watch the love of your life fall in love with someone else. it’s like death all over again, this time slower, piece by piece.

so yes, a heart can still break once it's stopped beating. yours does, every time he smiles at her the way he used to smile at you.

tags: @clitorphosis @withonly-sweetheart @fanilkychae @crowleyco

[keisgirl]

hii! can I please request a fic? before that are you okay writing a poly one I'm supposed to request a ot7 enha in a angsty soulmate au where y/n and enha are childhood friends back then they didn't know they were soulmates but one day a girl befriend them and they start to get really close to her eventually making them distance with y/n that's when she know her soulmate are her friends, prompt #21 . but if your not comfortable writing them then maybe heeseung instead in prompt #12 thank you very much in advance ❤

OML HELLO ANON! im of course comfortable with writing a poly angst soulmate fic ft. enha but its going to take me some time sorry... i can tag you on the fic when its out! heres the heeseung angst you requested~ hope you liked it!

halfway heart; enhypen heeseung

prompt; #12 "you didnt sound this distant when you promised i was the only one you needed."

pairing; idol!heeseung x reader

wc; 0.8k

pls reblog and like if you liked the drabble!

looking for moots <3

cheers,, hannah

kpop drabble masterlist | prompt list #1

it starts with the silences.

those quiet spaces between texts that grow longer. where you used to get a reply within minutes, now it’s hours. sometimes, it’s a day. your phone screen stays cold in your hand, and you can’t help but wonder if he’s even seen your message at all, or if he’s too busy—too distracted—to care.

you tell yourself he’s working, that things must be hectic. you know his schedule is packed, filled with rehearsals, meetings, performances. but that excuse starts to wear thin when you see the updates, the new posts, the smiles that don’t quite reach his eyes.

you keep scrolling past the photos, forcing yourself not to overthink the likes, the comments from strangers calling him theirs. you know better than to assume. you know he chose you. but that doesn’t stop the bubbling ache in your chest from growing every time you see a post from him with someone else, laughing, looking effortlessly close.

the next time you finally talk, it’s over the phone. it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, and the distance is something you can no longer ignore.

“hee..i miss you,” you say quietly, the words hanging in the air.

there’s a pause. too long. too much space between what you say and what you need to hear.

“i miss you too,” he replies, but the words are hollow, like he’s saying them because he has to, not because he feels them.

and that’s what breaks you.

“you didn’t sound this distant when you promised i was the only one you needed,” you murmur, the frustration and sadness bubbling to the surface, breaking through the cracks that have been forming for too long.

there’s another pause, and you know he’s searching for the right words. something to reassure you. but this time, you’re not sure if he can fix it.

“i’m still here,” he says, but even as he speaks, you can feel him slipping away. “it’s just… it’s hard right now. there’s so much going on, and i don’t know how to balance everything.”

“so where does that leave me?” you ask, voice trembling.

he doesn’t answer right away. the silence that follows is heavy, suffocating. the kind that leaves no room for hope, only a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“i’m trying,” he says eventually. “but maybe… maybe that’s not enough.”

those words sting more than anything else he’s said.

you don’t respond right away. the weight of everything you’ve been holding in presses down, making it hard to breathe. you thought love would be enough. that no matter what obstacles came your way, you’d face them together. but now, standing on opposite sides of this growing distance, you’re not sure if you can hold on any longer.

“do you still want this?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper. “do you still want us?”

he hesitates, and that hesitation says more than any answer he could’ve given.

your heart sinks, a painful realization settling in. it’s not that he doesn’t love you—it’s that he’s choosing other things over you. his dreams, his career, the expectations placed on his shoulders. maybe he didn’t mean to hurt you, but in the end, his choices speak louder than his words.

“i don’t know,” he finally admits, and it’s like the ground falls out from under you.

“i see,” you say, voice shaky, trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill. you don’t want him to hear how broken you feel, how much this is tearing you apart.

“i never wanted to hurt you,” he says, voice softer now, filled with guilt. “i just—i didn’t know it would be this hard.”

you swallow the lump in your throat. “i know,” you reply, and it’s the truth. you knew this wouldn’t be easy. you knew the risks, the challenges of being with someone whose life was constantly in the spotlight, who had to balance so much more than just you.

but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

“i think…” you start, taking a shaky breath. “i think maybe we need some space.”

the words taste bitter on your tongue, but you know it’s the only way to protect yourself. if you keep holding on, if you keep waiting for him to come back, you’ll only end up hurting more.

there’s a long silence on the other end of the line.

“yeah,” he finally says, voice barely audible. “maybe we do.”

you bite your lip, trying to keep it together. “take care of yourself, okay?”

“you too.”

and with that, the call ends. you stare at your phone for a long moment, the weight of everything crashing down on you all at once.

it’s over, you realize. not in an explosive, dramatic way. but in the quiet fading of what once was, leaving behind nothing but the ache of what could have been.

just message me if you want to be on the taglist for the enha fic!

[100vern]

Jewel, I know your requests are closed but I desperately need to hear your thoughts on who in BTS would do this: https://www.tumblr.com/writing-prompt-s/739417828719034368/you-a-powerful-demoness-have-just-been-summoned

and why is it Namjoon (the potential for crack with this 148 IQ man who is also way more innocent than we think acc to one park jimin just takes me out)

i'm so sorry it took me so long to finish and post this but thank you so much for sending it bc i have been cackling about this scenario ever since.

the prompt: you, a powerful demoness, have just been summoned to earth. this man, this human, wants you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a few days so his parents will get off his back about it.

the gang summons a demon

pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: supernatural au; crack warnings: reader is a demon and engages in demon behavior, swearing, namjoon makes mention of not being straight, heteronormative parental expectations, jk learns about arcane things on tumblr (which is not an original idea; i read a fic ages ago where taekook are tumblr witches but i cannot find it, so credit to that author or whoever came up with it first), unedited so any mistakes are mine. rating: e for everyone wordcount: 2k

It’s been years since you’ve been to Earth—even longer since you’ve been to South Korea.

“I haven’t been here since 1910,” you say, staring at the gobsmacked man across from you. He’s tall, with tanned skin and a bleached buzz cut; a smattering of tattoos dotting his toned arms—whites and rich hues of blue, imitations of some kind of ceramic art, you think; a golden hoop through his nose; cheeks with dimples so deep you’re sure they’ll crater. “People here definitely didn’t look like you back then, so I’m going to assume we’re pretty far into the future.”

“It’s 2024,” he answers, seemingly still a little dazed. He’s staring at you with wide eyes, jaw dropped. Normally it’s nice to be looked at like that, with all the reverence and awe you deserve, but Earth is not your favorite place to be. Doesn’t even crack the top fifty, if you’re being honest. “Did you say 1910? As in the beginning of the—”

You sigh. “Uh-huh. Hey, if you wouldn’t mind hurrying this up, I’ve got things to do.” The man continues staring. Could be a trick of the light, but you think he’s turning paler by the second.

Minutes tick by. Nothing but silence.

“Are you even listening to me?” you snarl, quickly losing patience you were never given. “I said I’ve got shit to do. My schedule’s booked solid for the next eight centuries, so I really don’t have time to be dilly-dallying in mundane human affairs. Your problems are always so boring.”

More silence.

Which is irksome, sure, but what’s worse is this stupid fucking circle you’re trapped in. Drawn crudely on the floor of (seemingly) this human man’s actual apartment, which would’ve told you all you’d needed to know, if you’d taken ten seconds to take in your surroundings upon first being summoned. This place has got books stacked floor to ceiling in every available inch of space, but you’re certain this person is a fucking idiot.

“Hello?”

The man shakes his head. “Oh, sorry, I just—I’m Namjoon? Kim Namjoon.”

“I don’t care.”

“Right, right.” He sucks in a deep breath. “Well, you’re probably wondering why I summoned you here today”—you roll your eyes—“and, uh.” Namjoon scratches at the back of his neck, anxiety oozing from every pore on his body. Definitely paler. “I am too, to be honest.”

“You what—”

“I didn’t mean to!” Namjoon hurriedly adds, all of that anxiety shifting quickly into pure panic. “It’s just—it was a joke! Mostly! Jeongguk said it as a joke, because everything he says is a joke, and I should’ve known that, but—I don’t know! I’ve tried everything else, and the longer its gone on the more desperate I’ve become, and suddenly what Jeongguk said as a joke didn’t sound so much like a joke anymore! I’m sorry! I didn’t think it’d actually work!”

It takes your brain a minute to translate and decipher the useless slush that just came out of his mouth, but when it does… oh, when it does, you feel absolutely murderous. “You summoned me as a joke?”

Namjoon must see it, too. There’s no way you’re looking cool, calm, and collected right now, because you’ve seen the faces of others that have witnessed your wrath, and they were almost always on the brink of (if not outright) shitting their pants. This stupid, clueless human in front of you doesn’t appear to be faring much better.

So you continue, just to watch him squirm. “Do you have any idea who I am?”

“Um,” comes his brilliant response. “Yes?”

“And who am I?”

He holds up his pointer finger and digs through the back pocket of his jeans. Pulls out a crumbled scrap of paper, nearly soiled from ass sweat and time, and his eyes squint as he tries to read it. “I—well, it’s probably not an accurate translation, you know, since—”

“What does that piece of parchment say, Kim Namjoon?”

“Nothing,” he lies. “I can’t read it anyway, so… a-haaa…”

Patience officially worn thin, you snap your fingers, delighting in the startled shriek that escapes him as the paper goes up in a plume of smoke. “I am going to give you one chance to be honest with me,” you explain slowly, leveling him with a look. “Who do you think I am, and why am I here?”

Namjoon pales further. Looks like he’s trying to melt right through the floor into a puddle of useless slush, and you’d be more than willing to speed up the process if it weren’t for this god forsaken demon trap.

“Can I—can I sit down for this?”

Kim Namjoon, you learn, has a friend named Jeon Jeongguk.

Jeon Jeongguk, you also come to learn, has learned magic from a website called Tumblr.

“There, uh. There are definitely blogs for that sort of thing,” Namjoon explains, tattooed fingers scratching at the back of his neck. He takes a very quick glance at you. “Clearly not very accurate ones.”

You hum. “That’s the only smart thing I’ve heard you say since I showed up in this shithole.”

Namjoon gawks. “Hey, my apartment isn’t a shithole! It’s the best I could afford, alright? There was just an article in The Business Times about how archaic of a system jeonse is—”

“Uh-huh. And this… website?”

Namjoon goes red. Coughs into his fist. “Oh, right, yeah. I’m gonna be honest with you—”

“I already said that—”

“—my parents are coming to visit from Ilsan in a few days and I need a girlfriend.”

You blink. Once, twice, three times. Long enough to replace the rug that had been pulled from under you, because you’re pretty sure you heard this human man allude to having summoned you so you can pretend to be his girlfriend.

All things considered, you’re impressed by how calm you are. This is not a trait most demons have, you especially, and it makes you nostalgic for the days you used to rip men apart limb by limb for less.

“Are you insane?” you ask simply.

“In my defense,” he explains around a wince, “Jeongguk said it was a love spell.”

“A love spell.” Namjoon nods. “And you wound up summoning a demon.”

“It… appears I may have done that, yes.”

“And you want a demon to meet your parents?”

“I mean… when in Rome, right?”

“I’ve committed at least four-hundred and sixty-seven separate atrocities there, so no, probably not when in Rome.”

Namjoon’s jaw drops. He tucks his knees closer to his chest. “Christ, that’s a lot. How did you have the time?”

“I’m immortal,” you deadpan.

“Right, right. Anyway, to answer your question: yes.”

Your eyes narrow. “How bad are your parents that you’d want me to meet them?”

“They’re fine, mostly. I just… am not what they expected in a son? Like, I have the hair and the tattoos and I dropped out of my engineering program in university to pursue art and poetry, so the least I could do is find a wife and settle down and give them grandchildren, but I don’t even know if I want to ever settle down. I’m also not… heterosexual? Entirely? Do you see that a lot—”

You sigh. “Misconception. Not to launch you into some kind of existential crisis, but the gods really don’t give a shit who you humans sleep with.”

“Gods? As in plural?” You snap your fingers. Namjoon’s fingers immediately go to his temples. “Damn, I have a really bad migraine all of a sudden.”

“Yeah, that was me.”

“What’d you do?”

“Made you forget something.”

“Oh. What’d I forget?” It takes a second. “Oh, right, yeah. Um. What was the last thing I said?”

“Your parents wanted you to be an engineer and have a ton of kids but you like art and also not-women, sometimes.”

He flushes again. “I—yes.”

You sigh, arms crossed over your chest. All you want to do is sit down, or open a window. This apartment smells far too strongly of patchouli. “Look, I haven’t been to this place in a long time, but surely you aren’t undesirable by your society’s standards.”

“Are you saying I’m attractive?”

You scowl. “No. I’m saying there had to have been easier ways of doing this, and also can you open a window?”

“It’s February.”

“That means nothing to me.”

“It’s really cold outside.”

“I’m literally from Hell. Go put on a sweater, then.”

With a roll of his eyes, Namjoon stands and moves to the window. Cracks it open a millimeter, just enough for the cold to seep in, before he’s stalking off toward—you’re assuming—his bedroom. You think he’s shoving a garment over his head when he calls out, “You know, you’re really fucking bossy for someone stuck in a trap.”

You vow to kill him as soon as you’re free.

It isn’t often you’re held hostage.

Usually you can spot a trick coming a thousand miles away, but since Namjoon hadn’t meant to summon you at all, you’d been caught unawares. Doomed to be stuck in a demon trap, just like he’d said, which meant you didn’t have a ton of bargaining power.

At least that’s what you’re telling yourself, because as you sit across from Namjoon’s parents at some fancy restaurant, you aren’t convinced he isn’t a crossroads demon himself.

“So,” his mother begins, turning her attention to you, “what do you do for work?”

Namjoon elbows you beneath the table, giving you a silent warning to stick to the script. You’re only here under threat of force—because Jeongguk had stopped by Namjoon’s apartment, saw you in the summoning circle, and nearly fainted before going back to Tumblr to find a binding spell.

Except that one wasn’t great, either, because it only bound you and Namjoon together for three days instead of forever. And, as penance for all the chaos you’ve sown across the universe, Namjoon’s parents’ visit fell within that time frame, so here you are.

Out to dinner. With humans.

You’re pretending to be someone’s girlfriend.

You’re in for the most embarrassing ribbing of your existence once you’re home.

“I work with idols,” you respond, as convincingly as possible, because Namjoon had thought it’d be really funny. Get it? he’d said. Like false idols? You hadn’t laughed. “It’s very secretive, of course, but—”

You don’t finish your thought, because Namjoon’s mother looks delighted: face lit up with mirth, smile blinding, eyes half-lidded under the weight of her happiness. “Oh, how exciting! Has he told you he used to do performances to old H.O.T songs? Namjoonie, what was that one song you liked—”

“Eomma, please—”

“Wasn’t it ‘Candy’?” Namjoon’s dad offers from behind his menu. It’s the first thing he’s said all evening.

Namjoon whimpers, foregoing all social decorum and lectures on posture to sink further in his chair.

You do not, under any circumstances, feel a hint of fondness.

(Which dissipates not even twenty-four hours later.

“The blog was deleted,” Jeongguk says, eyes wide as saucers. “I—the blog is gone, I don’t know how to—”

“What do you mean the blog is gone?” The poor kid is overcome with panic and fear, tries to stutter out a response that makes no sense to you at all through his sobs. “Jeon Jeongguk, what do you mean the blog is gone?”

“I—it’s—I had it bookmarked, I swear! Once the binding spell wore off I was gonna send it to Namjoon hyung so he could send you back, but the blog is gone so the post is gone, too. I don’t—what do I even search for—oh my god, please don’t kill me, I think I’m having a panic attack, I’m gonna—”

And then this human man vomits all over your feet. Namjoon sighs as he goes to fetch a bucket, and you think it’ll be a miracle if any of these people—yourself included—live to see the end of the week.)

[jooberry]

title : middle of the night 

next part : part II

pairing :  hyungwon x female reader 

genre : smut, friends with benefits, idol!au

word count : 3,5k 

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It’s raining heavily outside. Raindrops crash against the windows in loud cracks, thunder reverberates menacingly, and trees sway and vibrate along with the wind. You were supposed to spend the night catching up on some work stuff, but your attention keeps coming back to the strings of lights cutting through the sky, on the violent rumbling shaking the city. You usually find comfort in the melody of rain knocking on glass, but tonight it makes you restless. Thunder reminds you of Hyungwon now – you’ve first met on a thunderous night like this one, and the memory of this makes you crave his presence every time. You reminisce about how he had told you that you were too old to be afraid of thunderstorms but had still stayed up with you all night. 

You’d lived through countless thunderstorms before meeting him, and you had a pretty solid routine to ease your mind on a night like this one; a good jazz record, noise-canceling headphones, your favorite cup of tea, and a cozy sweater had always seemed enough for you to get by until today. Today, you feel like something is missing. Hyungwon not being there to share his questionable music taste, to listen to you ramble on and on about your favorite books feels odd...almost sad. Him not being there to make you lose yourself in his touch feels so foreign. 

It dawns on you that you could text Hyungwon, ask him to come and hold you through the night – he was there, you knew that because he had posted about this coffee place he loved earlier today – but something, the distant murmur of a feeling that you have yet to identify is making you think twice about doing that. Hyungwon was the one to reach out every time, and it felt better that way; you liked the idea of him thinking about you, missing you, and having to bend to your schedule. Disturbing this fragile balance would be an admission of missing his presence and you don’t feel yet ready to let him know that – even though, there is no way he doesn’t know that you cherish those moments with him. 

Of course, Hyungwon knows. It’s so obvious. Everything from the way you’re always playing so hard to get, to the way you fold at the slightest of his touch screams that you’re enjoying those moments with him. There is no point in playing those games and putting up those facades when the truth always comes out when your bodies collide. You reach for your phone, but to your surprise, he has already beat you to the chase.  

HW, 01:37 

I know you’re afraid of thunderstorms   I’m coming to save you  

You can’t help a smile, the kind of those you always try so hard to hide in front of him – the distant murmur of unidentified emotions was progressively becoming louder in your mind recently. At first, there was nothing, just an unescapable attraction that you hadn’t tried to suppress, then it became a burning sensation in the pit of your stomach every time Hyungwon showed up at your door, and now it felt like a fire – a beautiful and comforting thing, but also something dangerous and impossible to control. You know better than to play with fire, yet here you are, expecting not to get burned.  

You, 01:41 

I’m waiting for you then 

You get up, taking the headphones off your ears. You were listening to one of Hyungwon’s songs anyway – one of those where you couldn’t help but ask yourself what it was all about. Was it only a fragment of his twisted imagination? You? Someone else? You had thought about asking him about it, but there was simply no way to ask him this question without bringing up a bigger issue that you want nothing to do with. It would either mean overexaggerating your importance in his life and thus exposing some sort of delusion he would have no choice but to squash and thus breaking something in you – or exposing yourself to the revelation that you were just one of many girls who had found your way into Hyungwon’s bed, and thus breaking something in you; and who could tell if what was broken today could be recovered later?  

Well, Hyungwon‘s songs were explicitly talking about love, and whatever was between you and him was not love, you knew that much. There was lust and desire, a whole lot of it, and possibly appreciation, some form of friendship, but love? That was ridiculous. As you set to fix your appearance before he arrives, you let your mind wander on a question that is making your heart beat a thousand times per second: what will you do if you’re not the only one? What could have led you to believe that you could have been the only one? You were obviously not the only one sensitive to Hyungwon‘s charm. If you were ready to compromise a job and shit ton of money over a night with him, what were others willing to sacrifice? The realization is terrifying, and by the time you’re done getting ready, all that you can feel is bewilderment. While you were originally wearing the sweater he had forgotten the last time Hyungwon was at your place, you ended up throwing it in the pile of dirty laundry.  

You only have time to get the kettle going before your doorbell rings twice. Sighing, you make your way to the door to open it, and without surprise, it’s him. All the upheaval you were feeling towards him disappears when you see how drenched he is, and how he doesn't seem to mind as he smiles at you in an oddly cute way. You watch him take off his beanie, before ruffling his equally sodden hair. Hyungwon‘s jacket is dripping water on the floor, but he casually takes it off before shoving it into your clothes dryer.  

“You didn’t have to come,” you say, as he bends down to take off his shoes. You can see his body shivering slightly from the cold, as he rubs his hands together to warm them.  

“I was nearby” Hyungwon replies, following you into the living room area. “I only got caught in the rain when I got off the car, don’t worry” he smiles again, checking something on his phone, before putting it away on the coffee table. You always ask that of him every time he comes, and it’s funny that he’s been here enough times already to have picked up this habit. 

“You were at the studio?” you ask, not able to shake off the fact that you want to know what Hyungwon‘s doing when he’s not working and he’s not with you.  

“Yes” he replies, running his hand through his hair “I spent the day trying to finish that one song, but nothing came. I ran out of ideas”Hyungwon crashes on the couch next to you, grabbing a cushion before closing his eyes. 

“Is that why you wanted to come?” you ask, scooting closer to him so you can play with his still-damp hair. He doesn’t reply, and for a moment, you think he has fallen asleep.  

“No. I just wanted to see you”Hyungwon says, relaxing into your touch. You hum at his response, and it hits you then: you will never have any insight into his day-to-day life. You’re bound to take his word for it and believe whatever he tells you. For all you know, he could have spent the day with another woman, and you’d be none the wiser. 

“Am I supposed to believe that?” you ask, massaging his shoulders. He chuckles, turning his head towards you. 

“Why not?”Hyungwon asks, massaging your thigh.

“We both know that’s a lie” you whisper, straddling his lap. You’ve made a mistake by introducing this topic, and the only way to get him to forget about it is to give him what he really came for. You pull on his hair to make him tilt his head back and kiss him. Hyungwon kisses back immediately, grabbing you by the waist to press your body tighter against his.  

You can feel the fire you were picturing in your mind earlier burn your skin, and your whole body ignites. It’s been countless days since the last time you’ve seen Hyungwon, and it’s not until he touched you again that you realize how much you had missed this. His cute and chill attitude was only a façade because in no time he has you on your knees and ordered you to suck him off. You’re happy to follow his orders, relieved that he chose to get rid of his frustration rather than entertain your silly little feelings. You make quick work of his jeans, which he kicks under the small stone table in front of your couch, and immediately back to your task. Your eyes meet as you take as much of him as you can in your mouth, but it’s not enough – Hyungwon  grabs your hair and presses your head on his cock so deep you can feel him in your throat. You barely have time to adjust to his size and he starts rocking his hips against your mouth, you can barely breathe and your eyes feel with tears. 

He lets you go as you moan, and he falls back groaning against the couch. You go back for him, and this time he doesn’t have to do anything; you’re chasing the feeling so hard he hits the back of your throat every time. Hyungwon grips your hair a little softer this time and orders you to look at him. Once again, you follow his order, looking at him through teary eyes full of adoration, while he completely devours you with his gaze. His desire is so deep, so dark, that you can’t help but fear for what he’s going to do to you this time – he always manages to do the craziest things to you, to bring you places you didn’t even know your body could go. But tonight, Hyungwon has no time to play. He’s annoyed and frustrated, and your body is the perfect outlet to vent all those emotions. He gets up and throws you where he used to sit on the couch, then drags your shorts along with your underwear down to your ankles. He doesn’t even bother taking them off your body and plunges right into you. You gasp at the intrusion, your vision blurred by the sudden rush of pleasure; the grip Hyungwon has on your neck is painful and breathing is a little hard but coupled with the way he’s already fucking you so hard, it feels so good.  

You’re lost in his eyes, as your mind gets cloudier and cloudier, and the pleasure gets too much, too soon, and that apart from your hand over his, from your nails against his chest, there’s nothing you can do. Hyungwon starts asking you how good he feels, how deep you can feel him, how much of a good girl you are – and it drives him absolutely insane when you do this, when you try to speak but can only form high-pitched moans and incoherent cries. It drives him insane how deep your voice gets the harder he goes; he lives for this. Hyungwon feels you clenching around him, and starts to rub your clit with his thumb, fast-charging the orgasm that was building up in the pit of your stomach for a while. It only takes a few minutes for you to gush all over the couch and on his face with a loud scream; body shaking uncontrollably off the couch – he’s pushed out of you but immediately comes back to pin you down and starts eating you out. 

You’re way too sensitive for this, but Hyungwon doesn’t care, his strength is enough to lock you in place as he gives your body way more than it can handle.   Your head is buzzing, and you can’t focus on anything but the feeling of his mouth sucking on your clit like his life depends on it. The pleasure is consuming and overwhelming, and yet you keep craving more, you make sure that his head is pressed against your core as hard as possible, which prompts him to insert two of his fingers inside of you and to start pumping. It’s enough to push you over the edge once more. This time you’re gushing so hard you can feel some of it spill on your face, and even with his two strong hands pinning you down, you’re shaking off the couch. When you look down at Hyungwon, the lower half of his face is covered in your juices, as well as the tip of his hair.  

“Please” you start begging, but you barely manage to open your mouth that he’s back between your legs, devouring you so hard you’re fighting for your life to push him off you. You’re screaming and pushing back against him so hard, but Hyungwon remains unmovable, and with the fatal dance of his tongue and fingers, you’re overwhelmed by pleasure yet again. He manages to grab your legs before they give up on you and put them on his shoulders, you’re begging again – voice weak and tears filling your eyes, but he whispers a quick “shh” and slowly slides inside of you. 

The moan that escapes from his lips is so beautiful, so deep, you can’t help but bite into your hand to muffle your screams. You want to hear him, only him. His pace is fast and punishing, but you want to hear and see him, no matter how hard it is. Hyungwon bends down and kisses you for the first time tonight and you can taste all of yourself on his tongue, on every part of his mouth, and just the thought of it drives you absolutely insane. You push a strand of black hair away from his face, as your gaze is lost in his; half-lidded eyes too afraid to look away, to lose the beauty of his face when he looks at you like this – like he absolutely hates every single thing about you, like he wants to destroy you. You want to be destroyed, though, so you grab one of his hands and place it around your neck.  

“Faster” you beg, which makes him smile wickedly. Hyungwon closes his hand around your throat and picks up his pace. Your mouth forms a perfect o, and keeping your eyes open becomes impossible. You can feel him so deep it feels like he’s all up in your guts; you can’t suppress your moans anymore, and neither do you want to. He must know how good he makes you feel. “Faster” you repeat, even though you already can’t handle his current pace.  

“You’re such a fucking slut” Hyungwon spits with a wicked grin, pressing his palm harder against your windpipe. “Begging for more of my cock when you can’t even handle this much” you put your hand over his, mirroring the smile on his face. Hyungwon keeps going, pressing his forehead against yours.  

He’s caught off guard when you close your other hand around his throat, before ordering through batted breaths “I said faster.”Hyungwon chuckles, pushing your legs further onto the leather, he reaches deeper inside of you and starts fucking you even harder than before. You scream, so hard it resonates through the entire living room, and probably through the entire apartment as well. Had the floor not been yours, neighbors would have probably been knocking on your door and calling the cops by now, trying to save you from whoever was trying to hurt you. They wouldn’t know this was exactly what you wanted, being brought to this place where pleasure and pain met to form one overwhelming sensation – something you couldn’t help but crave each time you were laying with him. Your breath was stuck in your throat, and your body was right on edge, ready to fall headfirst into the most crushing orgasm since that last time in his studio. Just then, Hyungwon reaches down and starts rubbing on your clit, giving you just what you needed to sink for good. 

This time there’s a deafening silence, during which your body is limp, unable to move except for your nails digging hard into his hand and his neck. You feel out of time and space, unable to think or to stand on your own. Hyungwon picks you up and makes his way to your bedroom, where he drops you on the bed before sinking two of his fingers back inside of you. You moan at the burning sensation, before gushing all over the sheets only after a few thrusts. He plunges right back, and resumes his fast, deep, punishing pace from before; you’re nothing more than a ragdoll at this point, submitted to the extreme violence of his desire without being able to push back against it – not that you wanted to. You couldn’t look at anything other than him, and how he was so focused on making you cum over and over again until you couldn’t take it anymore; until all that was left was pain. 

When you start to shake uncontrollably again, Hyungwon flips you on your back and dives right back, fucking so deep and hard that your body is sinking into the mattress – he has to push you against the headboard because you keep running from him. It’s overwhelming, him inside of you, his groans mixing with your screams, his hands slapping your cheeks, his heart beating against your skin; too much at the same time. You have no idea of how long you were doing this at this point, but you just wanted to take what he was giving you. Hyungwon grips your hair, forcing your head back against his chest, before grabbing your neck with his other hand. By the way he was breathing, you could tell that his end was close and that he was giving you everything he had left. Your arms gave up on you though, and you fall back on the sheets, but instead of picking you up, he lays on top of you.  

Hyungwon nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck, breathing hard against your skin before stopping after a few more thrusts. You feel him coming and grab his hand, as you feel his cock twitch inside of you. The moan he lets out is the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard from him, it sent shivers down your spine, and you moan as he slowly fills you up. You try to turn over to lay on your back, but Hyungwon pushes your arm and starts kissing your neck and your shoulder. You stayed like that for a while – you couldn’t tell how long, but you were slowly drifting in and out of sleep when he finally got up. You finally turned over just as he’s back in the bedroom, holding a glass of water and towel in each hand. He puts the glass on your bedside table before kneeling before you on the bed. It’s the first time Hyungwon is cleaning you up, and it feels oddly intimate yet incredibly awkward; you grab the glass when he exits the room again, hugging your knees against your chest.  

To be fair, Hyungwon has never come inside of you like that before – even though the contraception topic had been dealt with early on in your relationship. But what really bothers you is why you grabbed his hand earlier? It had felt so wholesome, so warm that you could almost think that it was lovemaking and not fucking. He startles you out of your thoughts when he comes back and slips under the sheets next to you.  

“You okay?” Hyungwon asks, bringing you against his chest. His heart was still beating relatively fast, but so is yours so you don’t think too much of it. You hum in response, awkwardly holding your empty glass as if you were afraid of moving. You stay like that for a while, listening in on each other’s breathing without a move. You thought you could just fall asleep like this and rest until he had to go in the early morning, but his voice broke the silence.  

“I was being serious, you know. I really wanted to see you tonight” Hyungwon starts, putting his head on yours. “The thunderstorm reminded me of you” 

“Forget about that, I was just joking around” you sigh, running the tip of your nails along his skin. “You don’t have to justify yourself” Hyungwon furrows his brows, puzzled at your reaction, but he lets you talk nonetheless. “This was never meant to be more than just sex, so let it be just that...let’s not complicate things”  

Hyungwon purses his lips and pretends to ignore the complex mix of emotions clouding his mind at your words and plays along. You look up at him, and he fakes a faint smile; when you nuzzle your head back in his chest, he starts playing with your hair, nursing you to sleep. When your breathing finally slows down, he sneaks out of your bed and puts on his clothes before disappearing without a word.  

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

#SavetheWinchesters pt.2

Summary - This is the long-time-coming sequel to my fic #SavetheWinchesters. After months of campaigning, they finally find out the network’s verdict.

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x reader

Masterlist | Part 1

A/N - We now all know the unfortunate fate that The Winchesters met with. So, thanks to a little reminder from @ozwriterchick (which was now ages ago…I’m so sorry this took so long!) of the original fic I wrote I’ve decided to finally follow it up. Sorry for the lengthy hiatus, life’s been hectic, plus I am working on something big that I’m hoping will be ready to share with you soon. Thank you for your patience and continued support, and welcome to anyone new! I love you all!!

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You, Jensen and the rest of the cast of The Winchesters have been campaigning hard for weeks and now it’s finally time to find out the verdict. You have a video call scheduled with the executives later today. The anxiety for their decision and your husband’s reaction has had you tossing and turning all night. With the sun finally pouring through the windows you roll over and kiss his cheek as you wrap an arm over his chest and snuggle close. You feel him stir and wrap his arm around you as well. You hear a toilet flush down the hall, signaling that at least one of your kids is already awake. 

“That’s my sign to get up…” you sigh. 

“Or you could stay here a little longer. They won’t starve.”

“No, but I have to get them ready for school, otherwise they’ll be late because they’ll just watch TV or play with their toys instead of getting ready.”

“So responsible…”

“Someone has to keep this house running. You may pay the bills, but this place would be chaos without me.”

He leans over and kisses your lips softly, still half asleep. “And I hope you know how grateful I am for everything you do. There’s no way I could manage all this on my own, yet you make it seem so simple.”

“We do it together. Now come on, help me wrangle this lot and don’t forget you promised them you’d drive them to school. Plus, you’ve got that meeting later.”

You try to sit up but he wraps his arm tighter around you and holds you down to kiss you again. When he pulls away he asks, “About that…Will you do it with me? We are partners on this project after all.”

“Just on this project?” you tease playfully before pecking his lips. “Of course, I’ll do the meeting with you. We’re partners in every sense.” You peck his lips again and then get up. You throw on your robe, go downstairs to check on the kids and start getting them ready. You find them just as you expected, sitting in front of the TV watching the morning cartoons. “Alright, kiddos, who’s had breakfast?” As expected you don’t get a single response, they’re too engrossed in the Great Dane on the TV. You pour out a bowl of cereal for each of them and then let them eat in front of the TV. If nothing else, it provides a good distraction while you brush and style their hair neatly. 

Jensen finally comes downstairs, after showering and getting dressed for the day, and makes you both a coffee and toast while you make sandwiches and pack snacks for the kids’ lunches. You work together in perfect harmony. After years of not having him around often for these mundane mornings, you’re surprised at how well you fall into sync when he is. 

While he drives the kids to school you tidy up, get dressed, set a load of washing, and then set Jensen’s laptop on the kitchen counter for the meeting. Then, while you wait you scroll through your social media, checking on the status of the hashtag and retweeting some of your favourite posts despite knowing that the decision is already made, one way or the other. Still, you can hope. Also, it doesn’t hurt to boost the support for the show in case you have to start searching for a new home for it. 

You smile as you hear the alarm system beep off and on in time with the front door opening and closing. “How was traffic?” you call out as you listen to your husband’s footsteps getting closer.

“Busy…But I do enjoy that time with the kids. I missed it for so long” he says as he rattles the keys in the bowl.

“I know, but you’re home with us now. And even when you go again, we know you’ll always come back.”

Jensen sits on the couch beside you, wrapping one arm over your shoulders and kissing your temple. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He looks over at your phone. “I hope they say yes, today. I hope we convinced them…It’s such a good cast and crew and I have so many ideas.”

“I know. I hope so too…But even if they don’t, it was an amazing wild ride. They’ll all go far regardless. You know what the industry is like.”

“I know…Never get your hopes up. Everything is a blessing. Don’t put your fist through the drywall…blah blah blah…I just…”

You can feel him tensing up. You place a hand on his cheek softly, forcing him to look at you. You kiss his cheek, the tip of his nose and then his lips. You whisper against his lips, “I know. I love your passion and love for these people, but you need to calm down.” You feel him relax slightly as he kisses you back deeper.

“Thank you…”

When the alarm alerts you that it’s 10 minutes to your meeting with the network executives, you both get up and set yourselves up in front of the laptop. Your hand rests reassuringly on Jensen’s knee while his hand rests on yours. You wait in the video call lobby for them to join. Once they finally do, it’s a whirlwind; a rush of words that you can hardly process as you feel your husband tensing up and gripping your hand tightly to ground himself and likely stop his Dean from showing. Once you finally catch up, you try to save the meeting.

“Thank you for taking the time to consider us. We really appreciate this opportunity.”

Jensen gives them a polite nod before slamming the laptop shut and pacing around the kitchen. You give him a few minutes to walk off his frustration and calm down before you stand up and wrap your arms around him.

“I really thought we would’ve changed their mind. Did they not see? All the posts? All the support? How hard the actors worked?”

“I know…” You try to comfort him but he pulls away.

“I’m gonna go workout,” he says before storming down the hall towards your at-home gym. 

Your heartbreaks for him, you know how much he put into creating the story and world and how passionate he is about the up-and-coming actors. You text the main cast: Meg, Drake, Jojo and Nida to invite them to a video call in a couple of hours. You figure it’s best to give Jensen some time to work the frustration out of his system before talking to them. 

To keep yourself busy, you hang out the washing and start preparing dinner. When Jensen finally returns, he’s freshly showered and changed into a fresh outfit. He wraps his arms around you from behind and places his hands on yours to stop you from chopping the vegetables briefly. “I’m sorry…” He kisses the top of your head.

You turn around in his arms and wrap your arms around his neck, careful not to touch him with your dirty hands. “Did you apologise to the punching bag too?” you jest which causes a small smile to pull at the corner of his mouth. “It’s fine, Jens, really. I understand. I’m sorry about the show.”

“Me too. I guess I should call the others…let them know before they find out the hard way…”

“I’ve arranged a call in about…” You glance over at the clock. “Ten minutes now.”

He pulls you in for a soft kiss. “You’re so perfect.”

You do the call together, just like the disappointing one earlier, Jensen holds you tight for support. Once everyone comes online you and Jensen gently give them the bad news. You try to soften the blow by emphasising how well they did and that the cancellation is in no way their fault, but a disappointing result of budget cuts and the difficult times with the threats of industry strikes on the horizon. You both encourage them to keep auditioning and expanding their careers and skills. Then you finally finish by thanking them for their time and passion in helping bring your and Jensen’s vision to life and help with the campaign, even if it didn’t go the way you all hoped. 

After saying your goodbyes and shutting off the camera, Jensen kisses the top of your head and stands up. Then without a word, he slinks off down the hall. You shoot a sad smile at his back. Despite knowing the industry is rough, it’s been a long time since things haven’t gone his way. After 15 years of a guaranteed job and so much say in the character and direction, he’s not used to the pushback and being shut down. You know he’ll accept it and come back to his bubbly self in time, but it will take just that. So, in the meantime, you continue to do what you can; finish the laundry and dinner and pick up the kids from school to allow him some time alone to process everything.

When you get back home, the kids run outside to play. You cut up some fruits, put them on a plate with a few cookies and then wander out to the deck. You go to call the kids over to get some snacks but stop when you hear your husband’s soft voice and the perfect melody from his guitar. You smile and sit in the chair beside him enjoying the unexpected, accidental serenade. 

“She keeps on loving me

Loves me the way I am

She's not just along for the ride

She's my biggest fan

Lord, it's a little old piece of heaven

When we lay down at night

She keeps on loving me

And I keep on wondering why”

As he finishes the song he winks at you and you smile. “I stumbled on this song a while ago…it’s perfect for us…”

“Everything is gonna work out. It’ll be hard for a bit, sure. But there is an upside…” You look over at the kids playing on their swing set and then back at Jensen. “Until your next project, we can just enjoy a little time as a family without the looming thought of you having to leave for weeks or months at a time. I know they’ll be happy about that.”

“Yeah…That actually sounds really nice. Just us as a family, no looming deadlines or projects. We’ve never had that before.”

“New, unchartered territory. But I’m game if you are?”

He smiles at you and nods before calling out, “I’m gonna eat all these cookies!” He picks one up, opens his mouth wide and holds the cookie close to his lips teasingly. The kids sprint over and pout until he places it back on the plate. Once they sit down to eat, Jensen decides to share the news. “So, how would you guys feel about me being around a little more permanently for a while?”

[joyswonderland1108]

Koomibruary?

Well hello there Loves 💜 i seem to be officially back (i guess?) well i’m no longer really busy so i guess i have more time for my blog now. Though the first long post i shared was just me ranting but hey, sue me. 

Anygays, i don’t think i have much to say as i’ve been expressing my excitement through dms with my friends so like, i poured the whole energy in there but i thought i would still have my fair share of talk about the koominology that happened the past few days. I mean..

Army : Hel- Jungkook : I need Jimin here right NEOW!! Right this instant! Jimin-ssi come over!  

I mean damn boy okay chill no one is going to kidnap your Jimin-ssi (can’t promise tho wassup) I mean would you look at his face lighting up when he spotted Jimin in the comments

(Credits to Dalto on Twitter for the picture) 

Please that was so fucking adorable felt like opening a Christmas gift. Besides all that i was really happy to see my two babies after a while, hearing from them, seeing them interact with us (Though i won’t say it enough but we really don’t deserve them they’re way too nice considering the shit Army pull towards them) but nonetheless i was happy to see them

Just look at them LOOK!

Now going back to JK’s live precisely the “Chicken live” i know most people were excited about him asking Jimin to come over like second nature (and i was too) but i want to point out at something else, precisely this: 

Now, i don’t even think you need to be Korean or understand Korean to get the point. The way he dropped them honorifics and the tone he used to tell Jimin to take care of himself or well to be healthy, I- FSDHJSDHFDHG!!!!!! My brain stopped braining and i was outside that day i couldn’t even properly scream to the world that THIS was such a boyfriend behavior like.. JEON JUNGKOOK!!!! 

Again, talking about each other on their lives, complimenting each other’s songs, etc.. Okay i see you. With that i wanna talk about some points, well as best as i can i’m really bad at organizing those so if i forgot to mention anything feel free to remind me.

Jimin is busy, JK is not :

From the past contents and their lives we basically understand that Jimin have been really busy preparing to drop his Album now confirmed to be in March rather than February (Someone is getting in trouble for that previous article tho) and well just because we’re assuming that he’s already done with the tracks it doesn’t mean he’s done with everything so understandable, that boy is very busy lately, so far he has been working in silence for a long time but it’s starting to come to the surface now. 

For JK, he already told us back in his Qatar live that he didn’t have any upcoming schedules, he was enjoying his free time, doing his meat tours, maybe spending time with his family, and doing other things 👀. Anygays, he yet again confirmed during his last lives that for now he wasn’t working on his album, that he mostly stays at home, doing nothing, yada yada. 

Why did i even mention the obvious? Well we both know how some people want to discredit their bond so badly that they come up with any kind of excuse for how Jimin and JK are “distant”. Sorry to break it to you Suzan but their schedules are very obviously different and even married people have that issue when the schedules don’t match. 🙄

Jikook won’t be doing lives from home

I guess we’ve all established by now that JK would be doing his lives from Brunnen and Jimin would be doing his lives from the studio. Even before you click on the live notification you already know what to expect, though JK gave us a new background during his last live but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. 

Again for the fools out there who think that JK lives in Brunnen.. I feel bad for you, with that logic Jimin lives in the studio as well. These two are very private and it’s smart of them to be it really, considering how people seem to be unhappy about every other detail about them, i feel like it’s only logic to not want to show not one bit of their actual living spaces. 

Back to back lives

When i asked the Universe for a Jikook live i should’ve been more specific as in, a Jikook live, with both of them physically in the same place, in the same frame Universe-nim!  제발 😭

I’m not complaining tho that is the closest thing to a Jikook live (or selca) we’re getting like.. 

🤷‍♀️

Although it had me wondering do they just play eenie meenie miney mo to decide who goes first or? 

JK’s entourage seem to know Jimin on a different level

Does that even make sense saying it like that? But to explain it better, i’m taking the example of JK’s coach Tommy, when he talked about Hobi yes he of course knows Hobi who doesn’t but he also talked about him as in someone he knows as JK’s best friend and band mate that he saw before maybe once or twice or on rare occasions anyways.

Whereas with Jimin, it’s like coach Tommy is used to seeing Jimin, used to have him there, not just once or twice but on multiple occasions and well considering how Tommy is JK’s coach (unless i’m missing a detail here), it means that Jimin accompanied him many many times before to the point where Jimin is basically friendly with him too. 

Jimin’s reaction or behavior towards JK’s boldness 

Here i meant the difference between last year and this year. Remember how back in beginning of 2022, JK was starting to be a bit bolder about Jimin just really putting it out there that he will keep on holding onto Jimin, that Jimin is his, that he did go see Jimin in his room and hugged, giving him the finger hearts on stage, etc.. And Jimin seemed to be setting some limits to how much was okay to show (I’m not even sure how to put it but i hope my point was clear)

But this year, i mean listen i feel like Jimin just threw the limits out of the window cause while last year he was okay with the forehead “kiss” moment he also shook his head no after JK gave him the heart finger like.. Jimin-ssi, i’m pretty sure JK taking a chunk out of your peach and your foreheads kissing is way bolder than that small gesture but i guess the quota for boldness was over for that day lol 

As i said this year Jimin seems to just go for it, commenting under his baby’s live that he’s cute, that he wants to tie his hair back neatly (don’t get me started on the cute fanarts OMG), calling him baby again, that he wants JK to grow and protect him, etc.. I mean damn i expected everything but this honestly like yes nothing new, just Jikook Jikooking but i didn’t expect it to be so explosive (Not complaining give me more)

Which had me thinking, were they maybe testing the waters back from September? All the cute lil comments Jimin posted about JK and that whole “Army are waiting for an answer 🙄” during the Busan live, i’m just speculating of course but who knows.

I’m just glad that whatever is going on now, means that they don’t give a fuck anymore about what people think and as long as they’re not doing anything that would be scandalous to some people’s eyes, they should be allowed to interact freely without having haters weight on them with their hateful comments and their twisted narratives. 

And as always, haters will hate no matter what

Whether these two interact or not really haters will always find a thing to complain about and find a way to twist shit to fit their own narrative. I mean from my yesterday post you could already tell, a whole ass mistranslation because they can’t accept facts, and are we even surprised that the people defending the “translator” are part of the cult? No not really. 

People will always try to discredit their bond no matter what so they might as well just not give a fuck about them and do what they see as fit for now, i mean if they’re going to stop doing this and that to please a bunch of hateful rats.. I’d rather they virtually flip the bird on us all and do their thing!

I guess that was all i had to say? I don’t know i literally wrote the points i could think about on a bloc note not even sure if i got everything, lemme know if i skipped anything. Take care 💜

[alwaysonlineau]

hi! welcome to the always online au!

for anyone who was into the hype of parkner back in late 2019/the early quarantine days, this might be a little bit familiar to you. basically, this is a social media au for marvel that i created when getting into parkner and thompsborn and when one of the main wlw ships was mj/shuri. it consisted of screenshots of (obviously fake) social media accounts (mainly twitter) of some of the marvel characters and it was mostly shitposting with a tiny hint of a plot. however, because of the mental health kick that came with quarantine, i ended up deleting the account while in a depression drop.

it’s been over 3 years and i honestly miss making this au, as it was just fun and gave me something to do, and a few days ago i realized that i still have the apps i used when i originally made this au and all of the fake tweets and messages were still on them, so… well.

basically, i decided to bring it back!

so, if you don’t remember or never saw this au when it was originally happening, you might have some questions! under the cut is a very basic q&a:

what is the always online au about?

nothing! also everything! like i said, it was entirely a shitpost account that very vaguely had a plot, but it was 100% just something i did in my free time for fun!

it’s essentially me throwing my sense of humor in a box with ships and characters that i like and then violently shaking it until something that i find funny comes out and then i would post it !!

ships and characters? which ones?

like i mentioned above, i made this during like the late 2019-2020 era of parkner hype, so, obviously, it was mainly parkner (peter parker/harley keener) BUT it also features many other marvel ships! i am going to be changing the ships up a bit to better match my current preferences. i’ll include a list of ships below this paragraph, but first, this is also going to include PLENTY of platonic/familial dynamics as well! so if you love stucky, sorry they aren’t dating in this but they are obviously besties, and there’s irondad, stuff like that, okay? i’ll try to include it all!

ships:

parkner (peter parker/harley keener)

ironhusbands (tony stark/james rhodes)

gwemj (gwen stacy/michelle jones)

peppermay (pepper potts/may parker)

sambucky (sam wilson/bucky barnes)

thompsborn (harry osborn/flash thompson)

nedbetty (ned leeds/betty brant)

thorbruce (thor/bruce banner)

and more that i will add to this list as i figure them out! suggestions are more than welcome!

characters include everyone in the above mentioned ships (obviously lol) as well as any and all marvel/mcu characters that feel relevant to include! such as:

happy hogan

shuri

t’challa

the guardians of the galaxy

matt, foggy and karen from daredevil

funny accounts for villains

norman osborn (ew)

loki (and maybe mobius? maybe include that ship too? i haven’t watched loki season 2 yet so we’ll see i guess lmao)

and more! again, i am open to suggestions!

if anyone has ideas for characters, ships, or dynamics to include, feel free to message me or send an ask!!

how often should i expect updates?

that one is kind of tricky, because i am an adult with a full time job who is also balancing hobbies and family and everything all at the same time. this is something that i’ll try to work on during my free time, and when i did this before it wasn’t hard to make updates once i figured out what i wanted to do for them, but still, my free time kind of depends on the day and the week.

i’m not going to commit to a strict schedule, but i don’t work weekends so my goal is to update every weekend! if i miss a weekend, i’ll try to get it posted during the week, and if i have a week with extra free time, i’ll do some additional posts as well.

i’ll do my best to be regular with it!!

anything else i should know?

yes! this is an ongoing creative project that i’m doing for fun, and i want it to be fun for anyone and everyone who may come across it! that means i want it to be interactive!! this is something i did before, as well.

for instance, when i was running this au in 2019/2020, someone sent an ask wanting to see harley finding out about the vulture after him and peter start dating, so i answered the ask with this:

obviously this au isn’t picking up from where the old one left off, so those tweets are not considered canon to the current always online au, BUT that’s just an example! i want people to feel free to send in asks and questions for the characters or for situations, and i will do my best to make it fit into the canon of the au!!

i think that’s it?

if anyone has any additional questions, comments, or concerns they would like me to address, feel free to send them in! i’m going to try to get the first update of this au posted today (october 17, 2023) but no promises! if not today, it WILL be up tomorrow!

once the official au is being posted, i’m also going to create a pinned post that links to this one as well as all the au updates and anything else necessary to include (like the tagging system i’m going to create and things like that) so that will be posted shortly after the first update is out! for now, thank you for reading!

i hope to see you guys always online ;)

[parkitrighthere]

Parkitrighthere's Blog Rules

(aka: How Not to Get Blocked)

Welcome, darlings. Before you get too comfortable, let’s set a few ground rules, shall we? This isn’t the Wild West, and I don’t have time to babysit anyone. So, read this carefully. If you cross any lines, expect to get blocked, no warnings given.

1. Age Restrictions

This blog contains NSFW, so if you're under 18, kindly hit that back button. I’m not here to deal with minors tiptoeing around adult content. Don’t lie about your age, and don't try to sneak in. If I find out you're underage, you’ll be out faster than you can blink. Stay in your lane.

2. Respect Boundaries

I’m a person, not a content machine. You want to be rude? You’ll find yourself talking to a void. Respect my space and my time. If I don’t answer your ask right away, sit tight. I’ll get to it when I feel like it, and no, pestering me won’t make me move faster. Actually, it’ll have the opposite effect.

3. Requests Are a Privilege

Yes, requests are open for now. But let me make this clear: they’re a privilege, not a right. If you send me disrespectful or demanding requests or things I’ve clearly stated I don’t write (see the what I don’t write section below), they’re going straight to the trash. Be nice, or don’t bother asking at all.

4. What I Don’t Write

Don’t waste your time sending me requests for the following because you will not get a response:

Intense/illegal or disgusting content (BDSM, paedophilia, incest, etc. — seriously, are you okay?)

Members x member pairings

Male x male for male readers

This blog is a space for certain types of fiction. If you want something else, go find it somewhere else. Don’t push my boundaries.

5. Patience is Key

I’m a 20-year-old student trying to balance my studies, photography, writing, sketching, and, y’know, life. If you can’t handle waiting for updates or responses, this isn’t the blog for you. I post when I feel like it, not on a schedule. No one’s forcing you to stick around, so save your passive-aggressive messages for someone else.

6. Don’t Steal My Work

Let’s be crystal clear on this: everything I write belongs to me, kookiewithluv, and no one else. Don’t even think about copying, reposting, translating, or stealing my work. That means you can’t post it anywhere — not on your blog, not on Wattpad, not on YouTube. Nada. If you do, prepare to face the consequences. I see you, and I won’t tolerate thieves.

7. No Stealing My Ideas, Either

Getting inspired by something? Cool, go ahead. But don’t steal my ideas. I don’t want to see you sneaking into my WIP posts, tweaking my ideas a little, and slapping them up on your own blog. That’s not inspiration — it’s just lazy, and honestly, disrespectful. Come up with your own stuff.

8. No Self-Promotion

This is my space, not yours. I didn’t ask you to come in here and promote yourself, your blog, your writing, or anything else. Don’t drop links to your page, don’t plug your fics, don’t drop your socials in the comments. It’s rude, and I don’t want it. You want to promote yourself? Do it on your own blog.

9. Trigger Warnings: You’ve Been Warned

As I’ve already stated, my writing includes NSFW content, and I’m very clear with trigger warnings on every post. If you still choose to read it and get upset, that’s on you, not me. I’m not going to change the way I write or censor myself because you didn’t take the time to read the warnings.

10. English Is Not My Native Language

Yep, English is not my first language, so if you come at me about grammar or small errors, I don’t want to hear it. Everyone makes mistakes, and guess what? So do you. Unless you want to offer constructive criticism kindly, keep your corrections to yourself.

11. Basic Decency

No hate, no drama, no bigotry. This isn’t up for debate. Racism, homophobia, sexism, body-shaming, or any other form of nastiness won’t be tolerated. I’m not here to educate you, either. You’re a grown person (hopefully), so act like it. One nasty comment, and you’re gone.

12. No Entitlement Zone

If you think you're entitled to anything here, let me burst your bubble: you're not. You’re not entitled to constant updates, immediate responses, or personalized content unless I feel like it. So please, don’t show up here thinking you're running the show. Spoiler alert: you're not.

13. Ask Box Etiquette

Ask boxes are for asking, not demanding. Feel free to ask me questions, send me prompts, or just chat. But if you’re coming in hot with entitlement or attitude, don't be surprised if your message gets ignored. Be respectful, and we’ll get along just fine.

14. If You Don’t Like It, Leave

My blog, my rules. If you don’t like something I’ve written or the content I post, no one’s forcing you to stay. There’s a handy little “unfollow” button you can use. Complaining or whining about the themes I explore won’t change a thing, but it will earn you a swift exit from this space.

TL;DR: Don’t be a brat, respect the content and the creator, and remember that this is a privilege, not a right. If any of this rubs you the wrong way, there’s the door.

Still with me? Great. Welcome aboard! Otherwise, well... you know where to go.

[actress4him]

The Shadow of Death - Soldier Boy AU - Part 2

Taglist: @painful-pooch

Part 1 | Shadow of Death Masterlist | Part 3

Contains: lady whump, beating, misogyny, threats of noncon, noncon touching

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She heads on foot to the nearest safehouse, bemoaning the fact that she had to leave her bike behind the whole way. It’s registered to her father, at least, so if they run the license her name won’t come up. 

She has to hand one thing to him - he’s kept her from existing on record as much as possible. Anyone who’s given her real name will find that she disappears at age fourteen, when he dug her up out of the foster system. And most of the people that work for him know her only as Cora Greaves, who’s never truly existed to start with. So even if any of the cronies blab, no one should be able to track her down. Her only concern is if they find her prints at the house and realize that the fourteen year old isn’t dead or missing, after all. 

It’s evening by the time she picks the lock to the front door of the safehouse and lets herself inside. The phone in her pocket has remained silent so far, but she doesn’t expect it to remain that way for too long. At some point she’ll be contacted and given instructions. In the meantime, there’s nothing to do but wait. 

There are several bedrooms in the house, none of which have been assigned to anyone as far as she knows, but she finds herself naturally collapsing on the small mattress, without a bedframe, in the tiniest of the rooms. It isn’t until she’s been lying there awake for hours, staring at the blank walls, that she realizes what she did. 

She doesn’t bother getting up and moving. If anyone else ends up joining her here, she’ll just be kicked to this one, anyway. Clearly they’ve done a good job making sure she understands her place. 

The next morning her phone finally buzzes. A voice she vaguely recognizes gives her terse instructions on where to find an emergency fund and an ally to send to post bail for the few who made it. 

Her father, unsurprisingly, did not make bail. 

Unfortunately, she finds out in a short while that Roderick did. 

While she’s waiting, Kamaria carries out a mission that was already scheduled for this week. It helps distract her from her anxiety, and she tells herself that her father will be grateful for her initiative. Not only did she do her job with no one around to ensure it, but having crimes associated with the group continue while most of the group was still in prison might help cause reasonable doubt. 

Roderick and the others are at the safehouse when she returns. She attempts to slip away to her room without calling attention to herself, but he steps into her path and she doesn’t dare try and dodge him.

“And just how did you manage to avoid a night in jail, hm? Which GI Joe did you throw yourself at?”

Kamaria stares at the wall over his left shoulder and resolutely refuses to react to his implications. “You left me chained up in the basement, remember? They thought I had been kidnapped.”

His hand swings up and locks around her throat and he slams her back into the wall. She plants her own hands flat against the surface at her sides, willing them to be still and not fight back. It’s only ever made things worse. 

“How many times do I have to knock you down before you get rid of that high and mighty attitude of yours?” Saliva sprays across her cheeks. He’s angrier than usual today, which doesn’t bode well for her.

“I just answered your question. They didn’t realize I was part of the group, they let me go. Are you really mad that there was someone left on the outside that could make sure bail got posted and the Johnson mission got carried out?”

Yanking her forward, he shoves her into the wall again. She grits her teeth as her skull bounces and colors flash across her vision. 

“I’m mad because I watched decades of work go down the drain yesterday, because if the stupid lawyers don’t do their jobs right everything could be over for good, and because you still can’t seem to understand that you are nothing!” 

He lets go of her throat, but immediately buries the other fist in her stomach. Kamaria doubles over, retching. Just as she starts to recover her breath, he throws her to the floor. It takes her longer than it should to scramble up to her hands and knees. He’s there as soon as she does, nearly knocking her back over with a brutal kick to the ribs. 

“But the good news is, you make an excellent punching bag for taking out my frustrations. And guess what? Your daddy isn’t here to stop me.”

She makes it back to her feet with one final cough, fully aware that he’s allowed her to do so. Her hands want to come up in defense. There are still knives in her pocket and boots, too, burning holes into her skin. 

She could do it. She could fight him, and she could win. Roderick’s strength lies in brute force, but she’s quicker and better trained in hand to hand than he is. 

These thoughts go through her mind every time he hurts her, but the answer is always the same. If she wants to keep her place here…if she wants to live, she has to take it.

He charges, and she instinctively swerves before forcing herself to stop again. The sooner she allows him to get it over with, the sooner he’ll leave her alone. So she stays still while he decks her across the face, while he holds her by her hair and punches her in the ribs and stomach over and over, while he slings her at the wall, knocks her down, and begins to kick her again. The only thing she does to defend herself is cover her head with her arms and tuck her knees to her chest.

When she’s wavering on the edge of consciousness, he uses a foot to shove her over onto her back and lowers himself to straddle her hips. Suddenly she’s fully awake, panic sending her senses into overdrive. Her hands come up to shove at his chest, forgetting all plans to not fight back, but he snatches them up with one of his own and leans forward, pinning them above her head. 

His other hand strokes a fiery line across her chest, following the neckline of her shirt. Kamaria stops breathing. A plea sticks in her throat, demanding she let it out, but even through the haze of panic and pain she refuses to cave…yet. 

“You know, if Greaves doesn’t make it back, the business passes to me. And then I’m gonna make you my little toy. I’ve never gotten to use you like you deserve because he thinks it’ll break you and make you useless to us, but I don’t really care. I can always find another assassin. You can just stay chained to my desk, all bloody and broken, waiting for me to come home and do whatever I want to you.”

As he speaks his fingers trail down her front, and Kamaria struggles futilely against his weight. Finally he laughs, pinches her cheek, and climbs off of her, walking away without a glance behind. 

Oxygen floods back into her lungs with a vengeance. Every breath rattles in her chest, grating against broken ribs, but she can’t calm them down. 

She can’t fall apart either, though. There are others in the room who’ve watched the whole thing…not that falling apart has ever been an option for her. 

Shoving herself up off the floor with the barest of grimaces, she stumbles on bruised legs to the room she’d slept in the night before. The door is shut and locked. The men have taken over all the bedrooms, leaving nothing for her. 

Every time something like this happens, she wonders why she expected anything different. 

There’s a closet at the end of the hall that holds nothing more than a broom and a couple of spray bottles. It’s safer than staying out in the open living room. Without bothering to turn on the light, she shuts herself inside, curling up in the corner for another sleepless night.

[musewritingsforyou]

Headaches In Milan

a/n: so this was definitely later than I meant it to be! Sorry, I totally disappeared for a while, but I'm back now and here to stay! I have posts scheduled for every other day for the next couple of weeks so stay tuned for some good times!!

same universe with Medic!y/n

1.4k (a shortie) fluff, comfort, humor, behind the scenes of Milan movie shooting

tw: headaches?

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The planning of this tour and the filming in Milan had been in the works for a very long time. From before we had even left for tour we knew that one of the shows would be filmed and made into a short movie, it was about three months before we left for tour (fourth months before the concert in Milan) that we found out which one exactly was being filmed. Normally, while all the other staff gets worried when the boys are messing around during rehearsals I take it in stride. I never have any issue with them goofing around because I know that in the end they always get the job done and do wonderfully. That is, except for the week leading up to the filmed show. I hadn't expected it to be any different in my mind than any other, but the thing is, even if it was the same as any other show on tour in my mind, the reality was just so much different.

With the amount of extra work I had to put in so that everything was perfect, not to mention the amount of work I was helping everyone else with and my regular jobs on tour, I was starting to go crazy. The boys had noticed how busy I was a few days before we got to Milan. While they were all enjoying themselves like usual on the bus I was working the entire time. It wasn't too bad just yet though, I was still sure everything would be fine, I wasn't too stressed or concerned, more just busy with all of the different things I was trying to arrange. That all changed once we actually made it to Milan and had three days to set up for the filming of the show. My general busyness turned into sleepless nights staying up working and days full of more work and more stress. By the time we had gotten to the day before the concert, almost everything was set up, but I had barely slept in two days and had only eaten a muffin with my coffee this morning. The stress of it all was starting to get to me and suddenly even the large amount of caffeine I was drinking couldn't keep the raging migraine I felt at bay. I was chewing on my cheek in pain while everyone walked around the venue casually. There were no rehearsals or interviews or anything today, we all agreed that it would be better just to have the day “off” and hang out at the venue, fixing anything we needed to and living for the moment in the calm before the storm. Even though there was no real work to do I still was walking all around the venue through my migraine, looking around and triple checking every bit of equipment I found on my walk. Harry jogged up from behind me and snaked his arms around my waist, placing his head on my shoulder as I rubbed my head.

“You all right love? I can feel the stress coming off of you.” I moved my hands to be on his and turned around so that my face was in his chest.

“Stress? What stress?” He laughed and kissed the top of my head before holding me out at arm's length and taking my hand. He could see clearly in my face that I was in pain and his eyebrows knit tightly together.

“How about you and I go to the bus and take a quick nap, huh? You look like you could use it.”

“I don't know Haz, there's a lot I have to check and make sure-” he stopped me by pulling me along by the hand towards the bus.

“Haz really, I don't think-” He stopped pulling me as we entered the part of the venue where our bus is parked and turned around to look at me. He took both of my hands in his again.

“y/n, look at me. You've done great, you have already triple-checked everything and it's all going to go amazingly, now I can see by the look in your eyes you haven't slept and you probably have a raging migraine so just let me take care of you for once yeah?” I sighed but let him lead me onto the bus. He was right, I had checked everything dozens of times and I did have a migraine. I sat down on the couch in the main part of the bus and Haz went to get me a glass of water and some painkillers. By the time he got back to me with both in hand, I felt like my head was about to explode. All the stress and exhaustion and pain of the past week finally got to me. Seconds after I took the pills I let out a tear.

“Hey, hey, what's wrong?” I started blubbering like a baby into his chest.

“My head hurts, and I'm tired, and I'm stressed, and there is so much to do and-” I went on and on for a few minutes before I finally calmed down. I wasn't crying anymore, though I had practically thrown myself into Harry. My head still hurt horribly, the painkillers hadn't even made a dent.

“What can I do love?” he asked me softly and stroked my hair. I shrugged into him.

“I'm so tired Haz, but I can't sleep because my damn head hurts so bad.” he continued to run his hands through my hair and then he moved so that we were laying down on the couch, I was curled into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, placing kisses on my forehead. He kept on stroking my hair for about an hour but still, I couldn't fall asleep because of how much my head hurt. I was crying again now, not dramatically like before, just a constant stream of silent tears because I was so tired and my head hurt so much. Finally, Harry decided to do his last-ditch effort at helping me go to sleep. He took off his shirt so that my face was now flush against his chest, he placed my weighted blanket over the two of us, had one hand rubbing my back, the other stroking my hair, and then he began to sing. It wasn't something I had heard before. Might have just been something he was making up on the spot. I couldn't tell you what the words were but it had a sweet soft melody. It still took a little bit of that for me to fall asleep but when I did he could feel the tension leave my body and my breaths slow. He still didn't stop stroking my hair or singing, he kept going just in case it would wake me if he stopped.

When the boys walked in an hour later to grab some things from the bus Harry frantically waved one hand at them, trying to get them off the bus. Finally, one of them saw me asleep under the big blanket, clinging to Harry's bare chest, and told the others to shut up.

“Took me nearly three full hours to get her to sleep!” Harry whispered to them as they all sat down on the couch opposite us.

“Jesus mate what was she on, cocaine?” Louis laughed and a few of the other boys along with him.

“Oi! She's been working her adorable little ass off so that everything goes good for our dumb asses tomorrow night.” Harry said louder than he meant to and then when I stirred a little though not waking up he hummed a little of the song from before.

“Just behave now, would you? At least until tomorrow night?” they all nodded at him.

“Sorry little las.” Louis whispered to me even though I was asleep. The other boys all left the bus quietly, promising to behave themselves and not cause any more stress for me. Eventually, even though it was early we didn't have to get up tomorrow Harry decided that my sleep just looked so comfortable he might try it himself. He pulled me closer to him and placed his head on top of mine and within minutes the both of us were passed out in the parking lot of the biggest venue we had ever been to. But it was still just the same old us, asleep on the same old bus, the only difference being a bit of a headache.

[waitwiah]

No really, what is actually happening?

\Post05\: Be so f*cking for real right now.

**TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of illness and terrible language. I’m so sorry.

I DID NOT WANT THIS TO BE A POST BUT HERE WE ARE.

So – this is going to be a short long story time and rant session because I need it right now (so apologies in advance).

Hello everyone,

I hope you’re all doing as well as you can be right now, considering… you know.

It’s Alia again, still trying to figure out what is actually happening. I am going to preface this by saying I have already been to therapy this week, but needed something else to help me get through this spicy situation right now – writing it all down.

I have not worked since Tuesday, January 7th. Yes, that is over 3 weeks ago. So the funny thing about this is, I was hospitalized for about 2 of those weeks for two separate things at two separate hospitals. The first hospital stay was local to me at a research hospital for my always inconvenient blood sugar swings. Essentially the care team explained I was producing too much insulin in certain situations, causing swings in my blood sugar levels. I did not even have time to celebrate this breakthrough! 😩

However, the physicians did not understand why this was happening and wanted to experiment with a medication to test its effects on my insulin levels. In short, they gave me meds for something I don’t have but it is a similar disease process so they hope it will work. Funny story, the medication side effects mimic the symptoms I experience when my blood sugars take rapid swings (lethargy, slurred speech, blurry vision, confusion, etc). Because of that fun situation, it was suggested that I live under supervision (full-time was their suggestion, however that is not feasible for my current work/health situation) while we see if the medication is effective. So instead of going home after being discharged from the hospital, I went to stay with my mom almost against my will. I did not have my car and I would be over 3 hours away from my place of work and apartment. Oh – did I mention that due to a situation I could not control, my boss revoked my work from home privileges? And even after providing proof to both HR (HR agreed I was not at fault) and my boss that it was beyond my control and did everything I could to remedy the situation this privilege was never reinstated? You know what that means, right? I will receive no pay, because it’s less than a month into the year and I used all my sick time and vacation time BY BEING IN THE HOSPITAL, for the time I need to be under supervision, which my care team agreed should be around 2 weeks. So, I went to live with my mom for that time so I could “recover” from my hospital stay.

SPOILER ALERT: THERE WAS NO RECOVERY

My mother, who I was staying with, bless her heart, had a total knee replacement 36 hours after we arrived at my childhood home. And you know what that means? Taking care of someone with limited mobility while I’m trying to stay on top of a new medication schedule and managing crazy symptoms – sounds fun, right? So instead of focusing on recovery and mitigating medication symptoms, I’m focused on making sure my mom gets to the bathroom okay, not sleeping because I need to make sure she gets her medication on a proper schedule, refilling ice machines, warming up food, making sure she’s actually eating and drinking, and trying to keep her from having unrealistic expectations about healing after such a big procedure. Did I mention that I also could not work from home during this time? Guess what happened. I’m being so serious. Guess. What. Happened.

Funny story again, I lasted 4 days. FOUR F*CKING DAYS before I was in the hospital again. From “doing too much” I guess, my feeding tube decided to become folded and twisted in my intestines and stop functioning. This means: my medication schedule – f*cked. My mental health – f*cked. My road to recovery – f*cked. Oh and my blood sugar – totally f*cked as well, yes.

We’re going to skip the ER doctors being completely confused about how I have hypoglycemia without a tumor or diabetes and how my blood sugars don’t seem to ever stabilize for long. Fast forward to my admission. The absolutely kind and wonderful ER doc said they would do everything possible to acquire the correct feeding tube to replace mine (did I mention it was just replaced 6 days before?). Loved him; I would totally recommend this man as a physician and trust him with my life. The day after I was admitted, my care team came to my room and said, “hey girl, we got your tube. Everything is going to be great. We’re going to try to fix your tube first, and if it that doesn’t work we’ll just replace it, don’t even worry about it.” I’m of course like hell yeah, thank you Luke Wilson (my hospitalist looked just like Luke Wilson and he was also the kindest, most understanding person and took all of my concerns seriously).

Surprise! Guess who did not have the right tube? Guess who refused to look at the note in my medical record detailing the proper tube size and length for my body? Guess who placed a comparable tube in my hand, had me sign a consent form saying this was the tube to be placed and then DID NOT place it? Guess who said it was “impossible” to guarantee my NJ tube would actually be an NJ instead of an NG despite every other physician being able to do it for the last 2+ years? Guess who left the same tube inside of me even though they could not advance it, and was aware that is was UNUSABLE because it was in the wrong position? Ope, guess who also said I was not throwing up blood after the procedure, despite the nurse and my family witnessing it, and the nurse taking pictures of the blood explaining that it was in fact blood? You’ve guessed right – the GI doctor on staff!

When she came into my room, I was on the phone with my partner and placed my phone on the bedside table. THIS WOMAN PUSHED THE TABLE WITH MY PHONE OUT OF REACH FROM ME (AND MY PARTNER OUT OF EAR SHOT), AS IF SHE WERE GOING TO EXAMINE ME FROM THAT SIDE OF THE BED, AND WALKED TO THE FURTHEST PART OF THE ROOM ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE TABLE AND PROCEEDED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME. Now, I’m not going to say it was intentional, but it seemed intentional to me…

Now, this woman, tone dripping with snark and disdain from the moment we met, not only insisted I just “try eating by mouth” like I hadn’t been trying to do so without passing out for the last 3 years, prescribed tylenol for my level 8 pain due to the tube being in the incorrect position, continued to fight me about the position of my tube (it was not in the right place, everyone on staff agreed it was incorrectly placed besides her)… but this woman had the gall to say she did not feel comfortable advancing the current tube and refused to remove the tube despite it continuing to cause pain and discomfort to the point where I had not slept in days and it brought me to tears just to urinate (TMI, I’m so sorry). Then she confessed to not having enough experience with NJ tubes and would see if a colleague of hers could advance it (they did not even try to advance it because the colleague said no, and did not give a reason for the refusal, and then they also refused to remove the now extremely painful tube despite there no longer being a plan to advance it).

You know what is worse than the GI doc eventually saying, “I actually don’t do these often, so I just did what I felt was best”? This woman told me, and I quote, “NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR HOME HOSPITAL TO HAVE YOUR TUBE REPLACED THE WAY YOU WANT IT AND BRING EXTRA FEEDING TUBES WITH YOU TO THE HOSPITAL.” She then accused me of telling my family that she “took out my current feeding tube, rubbed feces on it, and shoved it back down into [me].” Obviously, I never said that, because how would I even know she did that if I were asleep for the procedure? What was explained to me was that she removed the tube, cleaned it, tried to remove the bend, and put it back in.

Now when I say it took the strength of my entire family line to hold me back after she accused me of lying on her and feeling emboldened to talk to me any kind of way, especially after the table incident…

So, in a very demure, very calm way I explained a few things:

I called the hospital ahead of time asking if they performed this specific type of procedure.

I was admitted through the EMERGENCY ROOM. Meaning EMERGENCY situation. I came to this specific hospital out of necessity, not want.

My “home hospital” was an additional 90 minutes away in rush hour traffic.

My regular physician who would have performed this procedure was ON VACATION until the following week.

Last but certainly not least, I cannot just have feeding tubes on my person at all times because I am not a medical supplier or physician – I cannot have this equipment with me???? Like wtf???? How would that even work????

This woman then proceeded to tell me it was impossible for the hospital to order the correct tube, despite my “home hospital”, which is in the same system, just downtown, replacing my tube with the correct model routinely. I also attempted to explain (she had stopped listening to me at this point and said we just weren’t going to continue this conversation and that she was going to document that I refused treatment without explaining that I needed this specific tube for a reason and refused to document our conversation at all…) that it is common that my tube is overlooked because it is not the standard size and often causes some confusion to physicians because it looks different from the smaller, traditional NJ tube. She refused to listen any longer and left my bedside.

But hey, guess what? While she was putting the tube in the wrong place and refusing to remove it, she found that my nasal septum had eroded so badly from continuous bridling (tying a silicone, wire reinforced tube around by nose to make sure my feeding tube does not become dislodged) that my nose was on the verge of collapse and I could not have my tube secured in that way ever again. And because of this, I needed a more permanent tube, a surgically placed tube directly through my abdomen into my intestine. She also said I would be ugly with a collapsed nose. So that was fun information to have.

We will talk about the surgical feeding tube placement in a different post because the way people think I’m an idiot and that I don’t care about my health is beyond me.

So, the following day the same GI provider came back to my room, fresh faced, wearing lipstick and dangly earrings, to explain that the tube was actually available for order, and they just needed to communicate with my “home hospital” to see what the model was! SHOCKER! She said she “prayed all night about me” (I’m an atheist, but I do not look down upon people who are religious because that is stupid to do. However, I was not impressed by this confession because of how horrible she had been to me at every interaction.) and would do her best to have someone who was more familiar with NJ tubes place my tube and try to have the right tube on-site within 24 hours. I was of course gracious and thanked her – I will mention that “Luke Wilson” was in the room at this time and she was acting like a completely different person.

In the end, a different GI physician who could guarantee my feeding tube would be in the right spot, changed my feeding tube and had me back in my room (without any bleeding, complications, or ridiculous pain) in less. Than. One. Hour. You read that correctly; less than an hour to replace my tube and send me on my way. Don’t even get me started on how they had my proper feeding tube on site for almost 48 hours but didn’t perform the procedure…

In summary, I was in the hospital for 7 days this time, without any source of nutrition besides sugar water through an IV, experiencing blood sugar issues, being in extreme amounts of pain, not getting a moment to be by myself to process everything, and ended up with a bill totaling well over $40,000.

Now let’s get to the good part: because I was in the hospital for nearly 2 weeks and have been out of office recovering and restarting that terrible (hopefully will work eventually) medication, I have not worked in over 3 weeks. You know what that means? I have no money. That’s right – I cannot pay my bills or even afford to use extra gas to see my partner let alone get him a gift for his birthday that’s in a few days or valentines day in a couple weeks. This month I made less than the cost of my rent. Horrendous – I know.

So you know what I do? Empty my little savings into my checking account. Then, I ask my father for help. My father, who pays other people’s rent and other expenses because he is all about helping his children, would not hesitate to help me. So I did what any child would do: I asked him if there was anything I could help him out with to make his life easier and he pay me half of my month’s salary or just the cost of my rent for doing so. I do not feel right about taking money from family and friends for nothing – I want to be able to provide something in return until I can pay back the money in full. Sounds reasonable, I think. My father says okay, cool, don’t worry about it. So I have been not worrying about it for a little over a week now and my rent was due today. The payment plan I’m on for having $1400 worth of maintenance service on my car is due soon. My water bill, gas and electric bill are due soon.

I preemptively applied for emergency government assistance a week ago just in case things don’t pan out with my father.

I applied to be a shopper for Instacart but can’t do it because my car insurance doesn’t cover “commercial use”.

I’m looking for things in my house to sell, which might have to be all the books I haven’t read yet or sentimental gifts I received over the holidays.

I asked my boss if I could work from home, and she ignored me.

I’m just so confused as to why, by no choice of my own, I spend time out from work due to a really sh*tty health condition that I am in this situation? I would spend my last bit of energy trying to work so I can pay these expensive ass hospital bills, even though I know it would render me non-functional for days. I would at least have a more robust savings account if I didn’t have these random health emergencies so frequently.

Oh – another amazing thing about this fabulous time off, it has only been extended by this extra week because the doctor who can sign off on my ability to go back to work is on vacation and has not been able to submit the paperwork to HR yet. Fun.

Lastly, if I’m out of the office for the length of one calendar month I lose my health insurance. That means that the full brunt of both hospital stays will be on my head, totaling nearly $100,000. This does not even include the cost of each specialist visit I have.

I was told to apply for long term disability, but those payments barely cover my rent (not even my bills) and would not even cover half of my moving costs if I were to “downsize”. My rent is extremely cheap for where I live. Most people pay almost double for a studio apartment just a few minutes down the road. And if I’m going to be spending an extended period of time somewhere, I need to be in a good space. Not a super fancy, high-end space, but a space that allows me to function well with this very annoying disability.

Anyway, enough of that.

After being continuously surrounded by people for 20 days, I’m now getting a moment to finally catch my breath just to have it knocked right back out of my lungs. No, I’m not okay. No, I don’t want to talk about it (any more than with this post).

I will end by saying – check on your people. PLEASE. There is a lot going on in the world right now.

If you need to, put your phone on “do not disturb” for a day. Take a moment. Breathe. Dissociate. Go for a walk. Meditate. Scream. Cry. Throw something; because, in the words of the wise prophet GloRilla, “at the end of the day, the day gotta end.” And you’ll be able to try something different tomorrow.

Love you all.

Alia xx

[namazu-running]

There’s been a lot going on and I think maybe it’d help me to tell someone about it, but I really don’t feel ready to do that, so I’m gonna share it here instead. At least then I can still say I told someone, even if that ‘someone�� ends up being a complete stranger that only read this in theory. I don’t want or expect sympathy or pity in doing this, and I don’t necessarily need anyone to reach out (thank you though <3), I’m just tired of having to hold onto everything by myself. This is going to be a long post.

If anyone does read this, TW for: verbal, emotional, and financial abuse and mentions of violence against drug addicts.

My Missing Aunt

My aunt has been missing for 3 months now. The police have two leads and have had these leads since a few weeks after she was reported missing:

The first lead is that one acquaintance of her sister (I’ll call this acquaintance ‘B’) said that she knows someone who saw my aunt get kidnapped. This person claims to have been looking out a window of their apartment and saw my aunt sitting on the ground outside the church next door sometime in the evening (my aunt is homeless and is not allowed in any of the shelters for drug-related reasons). They saw a van with fully tinted windows pull up next to my aunt, saw a group of men drag her into the van, and watched the van drive away. This person isn’t comfortable speaking to the police themselves, so they spoke to B, who recounted their statement to the police. The police won’t investigate this account at all, and when my mom asked why, they explicitly told her it’s because B has a history of drug use (even though she’s been sober for a few years now) and is therefore an unreliable source.

Related to the above first lead, the police are aware of a trafficking ring operating in the city in which my aunt went missing from. I know the police aren’t stupid, they can connect the dots between a group kidnapping and this ring. They still refuse to investigate.

The second lead is that someone who works at a local thrift store claims my aunt used to sleep in their dumpster often, since it usually had lots of clothes and other soft fabrics in it. This thrift store has a scheduled garbage collection day, and so they allowed her to sleep there as often as she wanted so long as she found somewhere else to stay on garbage collection day and the night before it. The employee says there was an off-schedule garbage pick-up around the time my aunt went missing, but the staff didn’t think much of it until they heard my aunt was missing. The police do believe this lead could be true, but they refuse to investigate because it would have cost too much to stop garbage collection for a few days to search the dump. An acquaintance of my uncle who used to be involved with police affairs has said that alongside the several thousand dollars it would cost to search the dump, he can also guarantee the cops would find at least a few other bodies, and that would mean more work. Because the police won’t investigate, they’ve told us we may as well just accept that she was picked up in that dumpster and that her final resting place is the garbage dump.

My Mom

On top of my mom having to deal with her sister being missing (and the high likelihood that she’ll never be found), her cancer is back. She had surgery to remove the cancer in her thyroid and lymph nodes back in 2018, and now she has cancer in her uterus. It hasn’t grown much yet thankfully, but because it hasn’t grown much yet, the doctor won’t perform a hysterectomy. Instead, they’re just going to heavily scrape the lining of her uterus and hope they remove it all that way. She’s post-menopausal, she doesn’t need her uterus anymore. She would rather they just take it out to be safe. They won’t.

My Parents

To put it bluntly, my dad treats my mom like a live-in maid. This includes:

Never going on dates because he doesn’t feel like it

Spending almost $100 a week on smokes and beer, but getting mad at my mom for buying a $5 houseplant because it’s a waste of money

Criticizing every purchase my mom makes because she ‘spends too much’

Using her inheritance from my great-grandfather to build a garage, which has essentially become his space

The only things he enjoys anymore are playing video games, watching tv (but only the shows he likes, if my mom’s watching a show and he decides to watch tv as well then she has to change what she’s watching to one of his shows), sitting in the garage drinking and high, or sitting up at the neighbour’s house drinking and high. If my mom wants to spend time with him, she has to either watch tv with him or sit around and drink with him. He will not do anything else, and he will not seek to spend time with her doing what she enjoys. Yet, if she chooses to do something she actually wants to do by herself instead, he gets upset that she won’t spend time with him.

He will not help with inside-the-house chores unless he notices my mom is getting angry about it and wants to avoid her confronting him, in which case he’ll empty and refill the dishwasher and maybe put a load of laundry into the wash (but leave it for her to fold). They both work roughly the same amount of hours—when my dad gets home, he immediately either sits down on the couch in front of the tv, grabs a few beer and heads out to the garage, or walks up to the neighbours’. And that’s where he stays either until supper is ready or until he goes to bed. When my mom gets home, she cleans the house, cooks supper, cleans up from making supper, and then gets the luxury of watching an episode or two of a show or playing a game of cards at my neighbours’ before she goes to bed.

When my brother gets into shit or starts an argument, suddenly he’s not ‘their child’ but ‘my mom’s child’, and his behaviour is her fault for not raising him properly. Which is funny, considering my brother’s lack of respect for others and his poor temper are very similar to my dad’s.

If my mom makes a simple mistake, my dad gets upset with her. If she cooks dinner and he doesn’t want it, she should’ve made something else because he’s tired of what we usually eat. If she’s late getting home, she’d better know what she’s making for supper because he hasn’t made anything. If my mom doesn’t want to sit around and drink for one single day, well it’s not like there’s anything else to do so she can either drink with him or spend the day alone. If she’s upset about something (like, y’know, her missing sister or her shitty husband), she can have a few minutes to cry by herself and an awkward one-armed hug from my dad, anything else is an inconvenience and she needs to pull herself together.

Yet despite all this, she loves him and she believes in staying committed to him because he ‘used to be a fantastic husband and father’, so she refuses to even consider leaving him. She’s resigned herself to spend the rest of her life feeling unloved and unappreciated out of a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t exist anymore, and so the only relief she’ll ever get is confiding all of this to me so she doesn’t have to bear it alone.

My Brother

I love my brother like I love anyone else in my family, but he’s a piece of shit, for reasons such as:

Being racist, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic, classist, believing that drug addicts are worthless detriments to society who should all just be exterminated, etc. He’ll never say this is public since he cares what people think about him, but as his family that lives with him, I have the displeasure of hearing his opinions on people quite frequently.

He has anger issues that he used to take (verbally only, he’s never been physically aggressive) out on my dad since the two of them fought regularly, but since he’s trying to rebuild his relationship with dad, he takes his anger out on mom instead. He’s just like dad; everything she does is wrong and stupid and there’s something wrong with her. And because she’s always played the role of the mediator in our family, she just takes it and hopes he’ll calm down and leave her alone soon.

Related to the above point, my brother did finally recognize that he has a problem about half a year ago when he found out his coworkers were making fun of him and looking down on him for his angry outbursts, and he did agree to try medication for it, but he stopped taking the meds within a few days because they made him sweat a lot and now he refuses to go back on medication as a whole. He adamantly refuses to try therapy either, so he’s just rawdogging trying to solve his anger issues and the rest of us have to just put on a strong front and deal with it.

He earned himself a DUI last year and, because he had spent his meagre savings on weed and alcohol, my parents had to pay all his legal fees and the impound fees. He’s been put on a weekly payment plan to pay them back and he was doing well, to the point that he actually paid off the legal fees entirely and he now only has to pay them back for the cost of his truck (which they bought for him well before the DUI and that he’d owed them for since they bought it). He’s currently refusing to continue making his weekly payments because, like he does every year, he got laid off from his job in late fall and is now planning to coast through the winter up until April or May on the small amount of EI he’s eligible for. He can’t afford to pay our parents back when he needs that EI money for weed, alcohol, fast food, and driving his leech of a friend all around the city every night so they can get high. I don’t think he knows yet that our parents are starting to struggle financially and are eating into their retirement savings, so they’re going to start charging us $250 in rent each month as well.

He also doesn’t help with chores around the house, but on top of that, he constantly leaves his messes for mom to clean up. Dirty Q-tips and empty tp rolls get thrown on the floor literally right beside the trash can, grease and crumbs from his meals are left in the air fryer to congeal until mom goes to use it days later and finds the mess, dishes and cutlery get left in his bedroom covered in moody food until we literally have nothing left to eat off of, etc. I won’t pretend like I’m a perfect child/housemate, I also don’t help out nearly as much as I should and I know that’s a problem, but I will at least gladly help out when asked to and I’ll do a damn good job of it. He won’t even clean when the Pledge and a rag are left on the kitchen counter beside a note asking him to dust and telling him specifically where to dust. He’s 23.

I strongly dislike having to interact with him and I hate hearing the things he says both about other people and about mom, but we both still live with our parents, so I can’t exactly keep much distance from him.

Housing

I’d like to move out of my parents’ house sometime in the near-ish future both because of my brother and so that I’ll be safe whenever I come out as nb (my parents are both varying levels of trans- and homophobic as well), but I really don’t want to sink my paychecks into rent for the rest of my life, so I’m trying to find somewhere small and affordable to buy. I don’t need anything nice, I’d be content with a 3-room mini home so long as everything’s up to code and it only needs minor DIY renovations at most. But even the shittiest-looking houses in my area of interest are still $350,000+, I’d probably have to offer more than that just to out-buy wealthier out-of-province folks, and I can’t afford a 10% down payment of $35,000+ when I make about $1000 per paycheck and my savings doesn’t seem to ever move above $9,000. My parents would likely help me out a bit, but they definitely can’t afford more than half a down payment and I don’t think I could even accept that much from them when I know their financial situation isn’t a whole lot better than my own.

I could probably see if my boyfriend of 5 years would be interested in getting a place together, but when I posed that idea to my mom, she recommended I get the house in my name alone and then have him pay rent instead, then put his name on the deed as well once the mortgage is fully paid off. I’m okay with this, but I don’t know that my boyfriend would be since it would cause an inequality in our relationship, and I also know he currently doesn’t have the money to afford rent payments anyway.

Right now, the only plan of attack I can come up with for making the money I need to move out is to get a second job, put my education on hold until I no longer need the second job (due to mental illness and ADHD, I can’t work full-time and attend classes often enough/do assignments well enough/have enough assignments passed in on time to get passing grades in school), and severely limit my spending to necessities only (rent, car insurance, health insurance, phone bill, gas, and any unexpected or infrequent costs related to my car or my health) for the foreseeable future. My birthday is coming up at the end of March so I can also just ask my mom to give me whatever money she would have spent on a gift instead of buying anything, but we feel and express appreciation through physical gifts, so neither of us would particularly get any enjoyment from that.

My Health

I’m still fairly healthy, like there’s nothing majorly wrong with me that I know of, but there are some little things that are building up and have become extremely overwhelming:

My memory and attention span have gotten worse over the last few years, to the point where I went from being a B student with a few As in my 2nd year of uni to Cs and almost failing in my 5th year. I remembered to finish maybe half of my assignments before their strict due date, and the majority of what I did hand in was done with an extension. I skipped probably 35%-40% of my lectures because I just didn’t have the energy to go to them or because I needed that time to work on assignments instead, so I constantly had to ask classmates for notes and try to catch up in my free time. Going to school and working part-time simultaneously is becoming increasingly impossible because of my shitass memory and attention span and that means I’ve had to put my education on hold, which I can’t (and don’t want to) do forever, but trying to juggle both work and school made me super depressed and vaguely suicidal, so not much other choice there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

In the last few years I’ve become increasingly fatigued, to the point where I never have the energy to do anything productive, and I can only keep up enough energy to do my job to a decent standard or play a video game for about 4-5 hours before I have to lay down for a nap. I sleep anywhere from 8-10 hours on work nights up to ~15 hours any other night, but I’m still a zombie on my feet all day and I still don’t remember the last time I woke up feeling even sort of well-rested. I’ve had blood tests done and nothing abnormal showed on them, so aside from a few basics like even just 10 minutes of exercise a day and cutting sugary foods out of my diet, I honestly don’t know what else to do.

My lower back, left hip, and left knee have been hurting for a while and have gradually been getting worse, but I only worked up the courage to talk to my doctor about it back in October because he’s very much a ‘you just need to lose some weight and exercise more’ kind of doctor and so I didn’t see a point in getting his help. He did write me out a prescription for physio at my request, I’m just kinda stuck in decision paralysis trying to figure out who the best physio to go to would be.

If anyone read all this, thank you. You really didn’t have to listen to me vent for a kilometre and a half and I didn’t expect you to, but I appreciate that you took the time out of your day to give to me and I genuinely love you for that. I hope your day goes well and brings you lots of happiness <3

[hectorthedoggo]

Hiii, I’m currently reading your Fugue route two fic and I wanna share a small theory?

Okay so- im in chapter 14 and reason why I spurred to write this was because of the comment about the cape. ‘A cape torn and an egg shel broken too soon” I think the term you used was- I had a theory that the cape was meant to sorta of protect Es. Shielding him from the world, more specifically, the reality he is facing. To me it’s most prominent due to the fact that he uses it to sleep (in my honest opinion I don’t think all his ‘naps’ or rests were just that.) now that Amane has killed her mother, he automatically reverted into old habits. The sight of blood triggering something in him. And this time, there’s no one there to lock it away. Causing cracks in his reality.

Moving on from the cape, the keys. The keys have very important significance, especially due to the fact that they warm up when he’s spiraling. Or when he was panicking and put it back on, describing it as “the emotions receding”. Due to this I believe the keys control some form of emotion, and memory.

See, in the beginning it mentioned that the fourth key was new. Meaning that it was likely put on Es the night BEFORE or early mornings. The keys also go warm when it talks about specific victims to the disappearances. Meaning, they could be holding lost memories. Or at the very least, the identities of the person. Seeing as Es saw THREE shadow figures (one likely being the sister, another maybe a friend of hers, and Amanes mom). These keys could be obscuring the identities to help conceal the memories , maybe a safety precautionary in case Es was ever taken.

Another idea is that each key unlocks a new part of Es, his background before jackalope, jackalope himself maybe, emotions maybe, and the part that helps. That last part is likely where his memories of the incidents lay. The keys in general seem to work as a means to control Es as is. A brainwashing mechanism, which is where the emotions come to play. As mentioned from the ‘emotions receding’ part, the keys were also likely used to regulate his emotions. Of course he still FEELS them, but only in Situations that bring up topics that likely relate to him. And I doubt jackalope expected something like that to happen, after all he was locking him up and had him in a strick schedule.

Also, reason why jackalope is brought up a lot is due to the fact that- jackalope is the only thing Es has ever known. He even acknowledges. Which is why he’s so scared when he realizes- there was extra chairs, the pudding, and everything else.

This brings me into my Theory; the disappearances. I think it was said the disappearances occurred a decade ago. Meaning through out the years, there were people going missing. Likely at random times due to jackalope not getting caught. OR, he used psychological warfare on them and let (some of) them go. Semi- counting on them to commit sewerslide(likely not).

The viginette posted is also very important. I’m it we see a room, with a child crying, and a man with a cape who’s face is obscured. I think, that man is jackalope. Seeing as magic is a thing in this world, and seeing What he did to Amane , it’s not unlikely he can transform. And in which, he takes the form of a jackalope, likely to make es feel somewhat more comfortable with him, but also as a safety precaution. And that child in the viginette? Es. A much younger es but still es. He’s fifteen now, and the disappearances happened 10 years ago, making him five. Likely, one of the first, or THE first victim.

I think, at first jackalope used him as some sort of- advantage over the others. Whether he realizes this or not is unknown. However what is known, is that when he was 11-12 he grew curious. He had suspicions, and he grew doubts. And just like Icarus, he flew too close to the sun and died. This is further proven by two things; he at the very least had semi better memories at those younger age, and his total lack of memories from ages 13–14.

It is very likely he found out something he shouldn’t have, likely , including the victims. Due to this, jackalope did something to him. Likely blocking his memory, and when that happened- he had an idea. Have the kid help. And I think that’s where it began. I think he had him help. In cleaning the aftermath, and putting them against each other. Earlier mentions that the kidnapper liked to put them against each other. And so far, two people have mentioned a poor boy left behind. And how, the sister said- the boy probably hates her. She likely did something when jackalope put them against each other. Maybe that’s why the first shadow figure we see is so desperate to chase down Es.

As for his obsession on law, it’s a big back to the original Es who’s a warden. How that plays into here I have yet to figure out-

I think I had more but that’s all for now- sorry for the VERY LONG things…I yap..

:P