#but couldnt direct any of that energy into my commissions

[backfliips]

I don't think I have bipolar or anything its definitely not that severe but I'd really like to know why I oscillate between depression and exhaustion and being so sleepy and sleeping so much and then having so much energy and wanting to talk for a thousand years and barely getting any sleep at night and waking up super early so much. Like it's annoying I wish I could be in the middle and just be like reasonably productive all the time instead

[swampgallows]

i know people are criticizing the medium article but im gonna say that the weird detectable undercurrent of sexual energy throughout stebebn univernse is 90% of the reason i absolutely could not get into it. i thought i was probably being too hypervigilant or sensitive or whatever but im kind of relieved that someone else said something about it. i mean, i know i AM more sensitive to it because im so staunchly ambivalent-to-repulsed by sexual media, but part of the reason for that is also because i have been so virulently exposed to a deluge of it as a preteen/teenager and throughout my life that i am trained to see where it is slipped in. 

ive borne witness countless times to the exact methodology rule34 creators use to ride the line between fetish and fan art or to infuse sinister messages into childrens media. having been groomed as a child, i am the end product of what happens when people are allowed to unleash these experiments. i see the threads where they groupthink together how to circumvent censors while also, for lack of a better word, dogwhistling their exact intentions in their ‘work’. shit like “she looks 10 but she’s actually 10,000 years old!” is just the tip of the iceberg.

i dont mind cartoons or media that look into exploring difficult or mature themes, especially if they revolve around consent or awkwardness with the subject or ‘not being ready’ or anything like that, and it’s okay (and imperative in fact) that kids be aware of that but 1. the emphasis on the inevitability and pleasure of ‘going through with it’ is terrifying and 2. why do they have to literally be prepubescent and 3. if youre gonna be super mature cool progressive cartoon then be upfront about it and call it what it is, or be more direct, instead of hiding it behind these subtle-but-not allusions that altogether just become more confusing than helpful. and i know this is hard to get past the censors, but im not just referring to sex stuff

i’m not even involved in estebans universario and i still remember the fucking shitload of discourse surrounding lapis??? and jasper, and how people couldnt decide whether or not the relationship was abusive, couldnt decide whether or not the decisions made were correct, who was manipulating who, and shit like that. and to me if your fans, especially adult fans, have zero concrete takeaway from you “tackling” those subjects, then how the fuck are children supposed to interpret it in a helpful way? 

i know irl shit isnt always so cut and dry, but that’s exactly why you see ten bajillion posts on here of people setting very basic standards of things like “IF THEY HIT YOU, LEAVE.” it’s a non-negotiable parameter. as an adult things can get complicated, and relationships always are, but when you have these clearly defined red flags it’s how you avoid situations that deliberately construct themselves in a way to break down your boundaries and control you. whether through sex or emotional manipulation or other avenues of abuse, that’s why you need these messages, especially targeted to children, to be loud and CLEAR

now like i said i never finished the show, i barely got into it and i was not entertained for the near two seasons i watched so im not inviting discussion of shit i havent watched or “well actually this and that happened in the episode so--” im saying that i saw the reception of it and it was completely bonkers ass shit. the response wasnt about whether or not the discussion was appropriate for a kids show; it was that nobody had a clear perception of what the resolution was even supposed to be

i dunno man the huge fucking inundation of porn every which fucking way is a HUGE deterrent for me getting into the art or animation industry. like it has actively repelled me from making art or honing my craft or whatever the fuck because the blatant expectation for me to make porn is so suffocating. if you offer commissions and dont make nsfw and you are an adult, people look at you like you’re crazy. people tell you you’re making a mistake, that it’s a ‘bad business model’ to not accept porn commissions, and that you aren’t a REAL artist if you havent drawn some porn on the side. and i sincerely feel like that isn’t an issue in any other creative field; that youre not a REAL actor if you havent been in at least a couple of porn films; that youre not a REAL musician if you havent scored porn; that you arent a REAL sculptor if you havent made at least one dildo, or some shit like that. i understand that illustration is the most expedited delivery of porn, but i dont want to be part of a community where everybody is glib about paying their bills with porn of kids cartoons and are okay with it and then go on to CREATE kids cartoons where they can give wink wink nudge nudges to their fellow porn artists.

i think this is the exact same fucking thing as ‘fandom’ having issues with ‘purity culture’; that they dont realize (or dont want to admit) that theyre bedfellows with “real” pedophiles and are providing them the shelter and the fuel they need to operate. sure a storyboard artist making some nsfw ‘on the side’ isn’t the same as chris savino or john lasseter or john k’s real tangible sexual misconduct, but it does provide the basis by which everybody who has been wink-wink nudge-nudging enforces the dissolution of boundaries and escalates these people to the top. if you form a coalition of people who all make childrens cartoons while winking (actually we are masturbating to this), you will attract the people who are winking (actually i am doing this). 

having been abused for years by people cut from this cloth im sensitive to this obviously and my thoughts are scattered but ultimately like i dont really think it’s a non-progressive thing to shame people for making porn of kids cartoons. the internet is no longer a secret clubhouse where the hustler mags are hidden in one of the loose bricks. it’s extremely fucking public and i feel like the LEAST these people can do is have a separate alias for this bullshit and to draw distinct lines in the sand for the kind of talent they hire. the problem is, too, that a lot of artists make their living by doing porn or are just drawn toward porn in general. but essentially the clincher is like... sure, go ahead and draw porn but... child porn? a dude makes porn of your teenage cartoon characters and you hire him????

“What kind of culture should industry figures encourage around the kids’ cartoons they work on? And where is the line drawn when artists with backgrounds like ZONE’s — an animator who has worked on Jones-Quartey’s own series — cross over into mainstream children’s entertainment? 

[...]

The public flirtation of children’s media with artists like these doesn’t just risk exposing kids to porn — it normalizes the entire idea of hypersexuality being present in children’s spaces, often in its most extreme forms. [...] It’s a systemic problem that will only grow if it’s left unaddressed.“

it’s a corporate level, systemic problem. i hate the culture and the community that’s allowing this to happen, and i hate that there are slowly becoming fewer and fewer bastions of endearing, safe, quality environments for children to thrive and develop without a thousand subliminal tendrils permeating cute characters and fun stories