#but cant love himself openly nor picture himself being loved so openly

[narrativedoomed]

I think peter. Should be loved and cared for and held and kissed and hugged and

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK: ARE CONGRATULATIONS IN ORDER?

Disclaimer:

Everything expressed in here is my opinion. It is not intended to be malicious or disrespectful to any of the parties mentioned in here. Please do not hate on or send hate anyone mentioned in her expressly or by inference.

In my previous posts, I pointed out how this past year, from August 2019 to June 2020 has been a rollercoaster ride for Jikook. Their relationship has been all over the place with some even concluding they have broken up for good- you wish!

My inbox has been flooded with questions such as: Are they still broken up, are they good, are they married...

Y'all think I'd be here blogging at 1 AM for Tumblr if Jikook were married married?- Ok, I would. Lol

But No, Sis. Jikook aren't married. Not that I know of. But don't be sad though because THEY ARE BACK! Fully back to function. By that I mean Jimin mostly. Jk never left. Lol- I'll explain in a bit. But yes, I'm happy to report that they are Jikooking again!

I refrained from posting about their new moments especially this July moments because even though they've been back together after a long period of on and off again relationship during ON comeback through to festa season, and then May when JM finally asked for space in their relationship(see previous posts for details)

I've being unsure about Jimin. I've been anxious to know what the outcome of his asking for space to think things through would be.

Jikook have a push and pull relationship dynamic. We been known. Mostly when one steps back from their relationship for whatever reason, the other leans in to pull them back in.

Same thing has been happening from January where Jimin would be pulling one minute, the next he would be like meh and JK would be push to pull him back in.

That was the case in this (June-July) Japan comeback interviews. Jk was front center with expressing interest in JM pulling him whereas JM was like meh, I'm down for this baby but let's keep it professional for the group's sakes.

Just look at them here... (Photo of them at 2020 Japan interview where Jk said he was looking at JM)

See what I mean? Now you may not notice at first but look at JM's demeanor and compare it to moments in past interviews whenever JK is talking about him or their relationship.

Jk was on his flirting game which he usually is when he wants to break the ice with Jimin if there's been tension between them or when someone around is making a pass at JM and he wants them to know what's up- he ain't slick. Lol

At times too he takes the initiative to flirt when he is feeling super confident and cocky and hella bold and just wants to. Trust me, when he flirts with Jimin, IT IS NOT FOR FANSERVICE. He means that shit.

Now compare JM's body language in that Japan interview moment this one right here: (photo of JM and Jk at the interview where JK said from now on together)

Jimin usually acts very coy, giddy and whipped even around JK when JK flirts with him but most importantly he seems to egg JK on in such moments. He enjoys being claimed openly by JK just as much as JK loves being claimed by JM publicly- which is why as nervous as that makes him he keeps going back for more.

Now this is gonna sound controversial but I have seen JM tell Suga off at times when Suga has tried to initiate skinship with him. I won't show you the picture but you can watch it for yourself during the On Come back where they wore Purple and black. It happened right at the moment Suga touched JMs back. JM mouthed 'Hajima' to Suga to stop touching him. That's all I'm gonna say y'all. Lmho. Don't want trouble.

My point is, these boys have a filter. If they don't want something done to them they won't hesitate to say it or show it. Much like when JK pushed Tae's hand away during a VLive- and he's pushed JM off sometimes too. He is assertive more so than all the members. If he doesn't want something he won't do it or allowed it.

Suga asked him not to get the tattoos when he first expressed interest in them way back in American Hustle life. But he told them if army loves him they would love everything he does and not try to limit him. Jk does as JK pleases.

So yea, if JK didn't like what Jimin has been doing with him he wouldn't be around him much less reciprocate those feelings and actions and initiating them on his own at times. Their interactions are MUTUAL.

And yes, that was shade.

Jimin understands the guts it takes JK to take such initiatives with him and so he kinds of encourages Jk to go on with it or acts in a way that boosts JK's ego. Like when JK shouted 'arrest me' in the middle of an interview. Jk... SMH.

So it was a bit unsettling to watch JM not even try to flirt back with JK in moments like this like he usually would. Dude wasn't even initiating their shtick during this period first of all nor was he responding to them in a way he usually would.

Not sure the aesthetics he was going for here but it screamed let's keep this professional on camera and get naughty when we get home. Or much like, dude I asked for space and I'm realizing I like you just as much but stop coming on too strong.

Which frankly, is what the members have been asking them to do since October last year when the hashtag to cancel Jikook in S.K trended. So JM wouldn't be wrong to take such a stand....

Given that the crux of their issue has been that Jikook is developing into a brand almost independent of BTS' brand and this in a way is affecting the dynamics of the group, a little discretion wouldn't hurt.

The cheers for Jikook moments are getting louder and louder each year even at events such as awards and not just on stage. Jikook is taking a lifeform of it's own. Its becoming a brand almost as powerful as BTS' brand. They are a power couple or becoming one. Like or not. Their fans are becoming loud and large too. So often, lately, it seems they tend to steal the show and direct attention away from the band. It's crazy.

Tae literally had the floor, delivering his speech at the MMA 2019 but people weren't even paying attention to that at all. They were more interested in Jikook and whatever they were doing and they went nuts the moment JK held Jimin and even wilder when he placed his head on Jimin which is what lead to infamous standoff with RM.

JM had literally bumped his butt against Hobi's crotch region moments before the Jikook moment but the crowd didn't lose it as much. Please go back and listen to the deafening sounds of the crowd for yourself.

As much as we love Jikook, there are some that don't and they can be very loud. I'll leave it there. Please support Jikook. Thank you.

BTS had a whole concert end of October 2019 and the hashtag that trended was 'cancel Jikook.' That took away from the hardwork of the band and reduced it to a few seconds of two boys fanboying over eachother. That's.... sigh.

When you see it this way, the RM separating them at Jingle bell red carpet, on stage or even BigHit trying to regulate their Vlives make sense.

Moving on. So yea I wasn't sure about JM all this past few months especially as I believe he had asked for space in their relationship. You might not think much of it but given as JM had said in the past how if he had a lover he would want to be with them all the time and Jikook do spend a lot of time around each other but suddenly hear them talk about spending time apart and enjoying it and what not....

But I think I can stop worrying now because HE IS BACK! There is a new Jimin in town and he is taking names! Good for him!

And I don't mean his new hairdo this August. I mean the new attitude. This attitude:

In this interview he says he would take JK to an island which smart decision. I would take JK too cos dude can do anything, cant he?! Bless him.

But thats beside the point. What I think is happening here is, Jimin finally took a stand. He made up his mind and he is not getting pushed around anymore. Because this Jimin hasn't showed up in a while now. Now he seems quite defiant most times if you've been paying attention to him, so rebellious, so sure of himself. Good for him. Spending time to himself has done him some good. It's given him room to reflect and sort out his priorities.

He loves his work, his band and he loves JK and it's hard when all of those start rubbing against eachother. But Fuck professionalism. He is in love with JK and that is professionalism too. Add loving JK till the end of time to his profession bishes!! :p

Sorry. I got carried away.

But seriously, he seems like his old self but it's also a new self because he hasn't been that self for a hot minute. This is JK's sweat tastes like holy water Jimin. This is I promised Jk I will go to the moon with him Jimin, this is I wanna go on a trip alone with JK Jimin- but badder. If you are a hardcore JM stand like I am you'd understand what I'm talking about.

HE IS BACK BABY! Our daddy is back!

The point of this post is to say, I believe JM finally figured out what he wants. So now hopefully the up and down should die down because quite frankly it's hard to keep up with those two I swear! We need a smooth sail Jikook. Make it happen!

I love it. I love where this is going and I can't wait to see more of their interactions so cheers to Jikookers and congratulations to Jimin for putting his shit together. We wanted rain. We about to be hit with a tsunami of Jikook moments.

Stay blessed. Stay beautiful. Jikook forever.

Signed,

Goldy

[cum-om-me]

Personal Entry:

Otter here, first i guess itd be fair to explain a few things up top.

Firstly Otter is a metaphorical alter ego which was created based of a nick name given to me in highh school.

I was coined as "the nomadic Otter" due to my well known history of drifting continuously through this existence being born in a foreign land not to many continents away,but like a gracious river otter flowing with the rivers which eventually reach the seas, i was always stoned more naive, but ironically zen. I was brought here by my single mother at four yrs old, my father was never in the picture nor was i allowed to speak about him or inquire about him to my family and those who may have any information regarding the history of my own coming into being.

We became permanent residents four years later and im currently going through the process of naturalization. I went through the american education system since pre kindergarten so naturalization has occured as an outcome, but just isn't finalized and paid for so i am now going through that initiation. Ive paid and gone through the preliminary round.

We landed in a small town in texas, age four. Came to california at fifteen, twenty years id moved one year to, year and a half due to my mothers profession In the medical field, sometimes, or i guess i should say almost always, we would have to go to where the work was most needed in order to sustain our basic living, taking us all over texas and parts of southern california. After eighteen yrs of age, i left home with duffel bag and a guitar because i wanted to escape the conventual fate planned for me by my elders.

Nature loves courage.... And it is Apparently so.

Of course there are so many factors and so much information to divulge to add the proper context to the point im trying to get to in the conclusion of this story. Im afraid id diverge so ill have to return to all that some other day.

Now that you understand where the otter ego within me (pun intended) was teased and entertained as an ideal character for the person i am, its seeds didnt really start sprouting till last year (2019) and its peaked above the mud, i can explain my newly found understanding of the purpose of using this "alter ego" "character" "avatar" to be able to dissolve the borders of my own limitations as a person creating art. To be able to truly entertain these thoughts through the medium of the otter avatar and not as the man, for it has been increasingly difficult for me to be able to contemplate and philosophize with my peers and the community of souls i once accepted as my tribe, in a way of intellectual taste and progress.. Now it seems the bridges between me and the village are dissolving and im trying to understand why. I stand on the side which i believe to be that of the importance of knowledge of self, critical thinking, and responsible skepticism in order to be able maintain reason within the tribe, to perserve that which is most human in our nature, in comparison to the madness we have seen over and over throughout history displaying itself in obvious patterns of repetition that consumed mobs rabidly, making itself its own enemy. Lets use a symbolic metaphor. The snake eats its own tail in the delusions of unity to find when its finished nothing remains but its mind left exposed, and without protection from even the weakest but competent prey.

You see the metaphors are simply the inner poet, using symbolic visual linguistic tools to paint a clearer picture.

We are a story driven organism, just ask the keepers of morality and the stories of god which has defined the basis of our now hypocritical society using it like a crutch too old to withstand the withering of time, frail and ready to snap like a twig beneath ones feet.

As george carlin once said "no one seems to notice, no one seems to care" and every debate that has naturally transpired in my social structures as of late has lead to a point where logical conclusions, non threatening ones at that, lead to the opposing side raising their white flag and settling for mediocrity. "I dont care, leave me alone"

Then the attack on personality and character are used as a defenses to preserve the beliefs already founded due to the uncomfortable nature of growth.

I sit and watch as i always have the flicker, flame and smell of the bridge burning in blazes right before my teary eyed soul.

Am I no longer included, wanted by the collective community? Has my own pursuit for knowledge, understanding, truth and the inner rapture of personal discovery lead me to ruins door? Am i incapable of getting out of my own way? Can you even go to far within yourself?

No one wants me to feel but its not ok to feel nothing at all

To think but, only on the agreeable subjects of status quo

To speak when spoken to but to only speak what is conveniently easy to digest by a still watered mind threatened by the chaos of waves beating on the shores of its shared sands.

Has erosion driven us mad. Have the corrupted springs poisoned our waters too far beyond repair.

Must i reluctantly recluse amidst the tides and hide underneath lonely currents that travel vast desserts beneath oceans.

Pandemics, parks closed, beaches are now illegal to its native children, by a seemingly upset stepdad whos love is equal to obedience and incapable of parenting,it seems theyre now gunning for the fringe, the free, the open, the love expressed through physical incarnation as its own self love for its own existence, through the odd, differnt, freaks, weirdos, mutants, prophets, and visionaries

Why should i fight for those who dont care about their own person their, own freedom.

Why stand for those who wouldnt even stand with you, nor for you.

"Those who trade freedom for security deserve neither"

-Benjamin Franklin

Yet who am i to claim that anyone deserves anything or doesnt. So regardless of the I Dont Care Generation emerging. I choose to care for not what is principles of good or evil but what i intuitively feel is sincere and right. So I must begin with myself and only in following intention will i be able to incite any real change. By making a difficult choice and knowing that it feels as though the risk is worth the gamble.

So now ive heard loud and clear and i have nothing else to let go of but this. So ill hold my tongue and wish for the best. For the eutopia not the the sneaky slip into distopia.

There's nothing further i can do other than create, experiance, enjoy, let go, and face the music, To put it as Alan Watts did, " this doesnt mean you wont jump when you hear the bang, or that you wont feel fear, but youll accept it, and the person who understands the tao in the morning my sleep peacefully at night"

"Once the mind has been extended it cant ever go back"

-Terrence Mckenna

I hope that you know ive accepted the multitudes of possible outcomes for our future, i may be optimistic but i feel prepared, oddly prepared. This isnt a statement or message based on fear but something none the lesse my heart cannot hold in.

So Otter is born so to speak to embody the imagination im trying to let out without it being taken seriously, but sincerely and within the temple of the timeless. Art.

Without it having to be the me, the person, that funny feeling between the eyes that screams out I, who finds himself walking away from flames due to trial and failure in channeling its own expression. I will not desist i just must evolve and create the platform on which i may rebuild. The system updated and the restart brought about change. Now we begin again. Full of breath, with new found vision, i forgive myself for my failures but i wouldnt ever be able to look at my own reflection if i didnt try until i got it right. I vow to myself and olny to myself for thats the only source of validation needed to exist freely, sovereign, that i will do my best to be who i am meant to be, the being and self of my choosing.

"Most people spend their lives trying to find themselves, lifes about creating yourself"

-Bob Dylan

So in conclusion i know im different, and it may be intimidating but you cant just get rid of it, turns out you must overcome it, and the only way out is through and for me that began when i went within.

I am all for the rules, and being apart of this country and its society and obeying social order but as John Locke wrote in "Common Sense" that this is an unspoken agreement between the govenrment and its people that so long as they are just in ruling us" we will have to obey the law but there must be a way for its people to regain its country when tyranny and injustice is getting in the way of democratic processes and this is coming from a almost fully naturalized immigrant that came here to seek safe haven from a Democratic country plagued by unfairness. It would be a pitty to see it happen to a promise land founded of rich ideals. To those ive come to see as my own brothers and sisters, i love the ideal of true patriotism but where has it gone? If i need to be more protective of my personal privacy so that i may be able to practice my philosophical self studies, music, and comedy, to persue basic creative thinking methods openly. Then i choose this mask nit the one i was told to wear since birth. Theres always an person beneath the mask playing into the drama of this darma and we get into yoga with its fun to preten that we loose ourselves and assume the identity of the character portrayed in the scene in order to truly bring the crowd to the edge of its seat in awe and anticipation of the beauty of its poetry that at the end when the play is concluded both protagonist and antagonist join hands and the audience cheers for both equally for the dazzling deception and its cleverness for playing on the emotions of the observer.

Then the cast returns to the green room and become again who they were naturally.

Im 26 and ive found my character and im ready to submerse myself in its divine play and get involved participate, get lost in the mask of the person which is temporary but the spark behind conciousness seems to be the driving energy of existence benevolent, and eternel. Worth gambling so, now we roll the dice and hit the mystery button, just like the amnesia serum we gave ourselves before conception, into the womb we went. Only when you awaken your consciousness in the dream do you get to control the avatar, lucidly.

It doesnt seem to be a requirement, more like an EXPERIANCE badge rewarded for interesting work in the feild.

These again are ideals, not truths, thoughts and patterns worth examining and if capable entertaining till the conclusions and realizations of truth or delusion run their course. If you havent reached that point you havent really thought it through logistically right?

Lets discuss this comment below.

[kyohiba]

yi city trio swords spirits au

BUT IMAGINE XXCS SWORD N XYS SWORD???

May 25 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

IM IN

i love those weapons having a soul and personality stuff 💯💯💯

lmao... what xxc's sword felt when he stabbed sl... :^)

yeeting patriarch WILL WE EVER GET OVER YI CITY ARC? NON

oOOOH NOOOOOOO I HADNT THOT OF THT

wow yi city is just angst on angst on angst no matter how u look at it

ssyifpfff🌙 imagine xxc sword all those years under xys care

May 25 me, as usual: How About Some Painnn? (in the history of japan video)

yeeting patriarch VOICE*

LMAO

ssyifpfff🌙 me: some happy bakery, no pain pls you: how about i do... anuwayyy~~

May 25 i basically throw the flour and eggs on the wall and unleash my Suffering Sword to attacc

but im Crying at how xxc's sword mustve felt about It All

HNNNNNN IMAGINE... XY'S SWORD BEING MORE... A REFLECTION OF HIS TRUE DEEPEST FEELINGS

yeeting patriarch NYEEHAW

ssyifpfff🌙 XYS SWORD WANTING TO INTERACT W XXCS

May 25 ssyifpfff🌙 cant rmmbr their names lmao

May 25 yeeting patriarch BUT XXC'S SWORD REFUSING HIM BECAUSE OF WHAT HIS MASTER DID

ssyifpfff🌙 also did xy use more xxcs sword thn his own?? how did xys sword feel abt tht? :(

May 25 me, a furry: imagine xy's sword having cat features

yeeting patriarch SADDDDDDDD

woke

ssyifpfff🌙 xys sword is his fursona send tweet

May 25 im imagining xy's sword to be just a sad boi

yeeting patriarch JGEMEODIGEBLEOSYBEKEPSYVELDO YELL

SAD CAT SWORD

n its funny bc the meaning of its name is like "ro bring destruction" or something and the sword itself is just. sad

"master pls dont kill those p- oh no"

ssyifpfff🌙 "master pls dont fight w daozhang- oh dang"

May 25 yeeting patriarch *ears down sadly* master........

ssyifpfff🌙 xys swrod seein xue yang fall apart after xxc dies.................

May 25 yeeting patriarch HEEHEE

ssyifpfff🌙 xxc sword seein it too n Realizing

May 25 yeeting patriarch imagine if xxc's sword's personality is kinda the opposite of his

ssyifpfff🌙 xxc sword is just a big bastard lmao

May 25 yeeting patriarch IM LIVING FOR IT

like... he takes soooooooo long to Understand & Realize how xy truly feels

since the boy is a mess it is indeed hard to figure out if u dont pay attention to the details

yeeting patriarch and he also takes too long to notice the sadness xy's sword carries (openly, in his master's place)

hes so blinded by anger for so long

yeeting patriarch fukc i wanna remember the swords names

hold on

xxcs is Shuanghua

ssyifpfff🌙 and xys is Jiangzai

May 25 saved for future reference due to bad memory

shuanghua and jiangzai...

what about song lan's?

me: *makes it poly even with the swords*

yeeting patriarch i cnat resist

song lans has such a pretty name, its Fuxue

ssyifpfff🌙 and it means To brush away snow

May 25 fuxue... cute

yeeting patriarch i love the meanings

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue is the glue tht keeps Shuanghua from assassinating jiangzai

May 25 yeeting patriarch IFEBKSUZGJEOZYIS FAVE

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue is the voice of reason uwu

May 25 yeeting patriarch lmao unexpectedly but expectedly we suddenly started a sword au

ssyifpfff🌙 we cant help ourselves uwuwuw

May 25 fuxue's personality... how can he be like

jiangzai is sad kitten

shuanghua is angery bastard

yeeting patriarch we need something that mirrors song lan

song lan is like very low key, mayb his sword is super extravagant

omg mayb his sword is a wise drunk

ssyifpfff🌙 fuxue: *downs a bottle of wine* reality is a social concept

May 25 IGRNSOXYGEMSLDYKS IM YELLING

this is funny but i need Angst

yeeting patriarch not even their swords escape my paws

tht why fuxue is the voice of reason, when Shuanghua is blinded by hate towards jiangzai n its master fuxue has to come in like *rafiki voice* "no..... look Harder"

ssyifpfff🌙 but fuxue cant always be all brains n reason, i suppose it feels complicated towards Shuanghua bc well....................

May 25 yeeting patriarch bc he fucken pierced his master

ssyifpfff🌙 right

May 25 idk how to explain myself i have 2 braincells but. i picture fuxue w the kinda personality tht just accepts what happens ans Sees deeper but at the same time feels a lot, so fuxue must feel strange bein around 2 swords tht hurt song lan.... bc jiangzai cut song lans tongue lmao

ssyifpfff🌙 wow im stanning fuxue out of nowhere in this chillis tonite

May 25 HV3NSIDYVENLSUSGJW IM LOVING THIS

yeeting patriarch im a jiangzai stan bc how could I not

yeeting patriarch but i see ur point and love it...

fuxue Understands what they didnt isnt exactly their fault but he cant help that complicated feeling

and upon seeing the Extremes each are, he Has To be the voice of reasonm ?*

yeeting patriarch jiangzai im so sorry i turned u into big depresso

YESS he sees tht neither of the other two have the emotional maturity to try and move forward so he has to push down whatever way he feels and Be tht mature sword

it makes sm sense for jiangzai to be Depresso Esspresso

and it makes sm sense for Shuanghua to be a repressed bastard

ssyifpfff🌙 from like, everything xxc respressed thru the years

May 25 RIGHT

yeeting patriarch it reminded me of what wuxian had said about wen ning

RIGHT???

ssyifpfff🌙 not sure how swords work but i assume they have some deep connection w their masters souls? isk

May 25 yeeting patriarch well it's such a magical word so i suppose the weapons do have some sort of connection to their masters cores

yeeting patriarch ANYWYA, THE SCENARIO:

yeeting patriarch imagine one day shuanghua losing it... worse than usual... and snapping at jiangzai and he is like head hung low during mostly the entire thing but then he suddenly interrupts both shuanghua and fuxue (who was trying to make shuanghua stop) and yells. for some reason i picture jiangzai being soft spoken and quiet. and he yells at them "I DIDN'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THAT! BUT MY MASTER... HE... HE..." then the explosion kinda dies out and he continues "neither did he want it, but he didn't understand it..."

JIANGZAI DESPERATE FOR OTHERS TO SEE THT HIS MASTER NEEDS EMOTIONLA SUPPORT

ssyifpfff🌙 xue yang @ jiangzai: 'mam thts my emotional support cat sword

May 25 fuxue prob stays silent and evaluates the situation and shuanghua wants to storm out (can he?? can the swords just leave?? lmao)

n after a while fuxue goes to talk w jiangzai and asks him to explain everything he can abt xue yang

ssyifpfff🌙 "we're all under his care now, he need to know him" (this would b during tht time xue yang kept song lan as a fierce corpse

May 25 i imagine the swords selves being like... spiritual? to humans, ofc. but they can touch, hit and etc each other

and i guess they could "leave" within a determined space? as long they arent being used in battle

yeeting patriarch like if they're inside a building they can go to other rooms

yeeting patriarch im sobbing so much at the thought of jiangzai explaining to fuxue what he can about xue yang. parts of xue yang the man himself doesnt know how to face and understand

ssyifpfff🌙 but jiangzai Knows bc hes connected to xue yangs core........... im weak

May 25 ssyifpfff🌙 and fuxue sees tht jiangzai is sincere when he says xue yang didnt really want to do all tht he just felt he had to other path to walk, no second chances

May 25 he explains bits of xue yang's past and how the incidents that occurred during his early years shaped him into being that way

yeeting patriarch that they worsened his nature

and that mostly of all xue yang didn't know how to face his emotions with sincerity. because he couldn't understand the essence of some things for not having properly experienced them when he was growing. that at this point, his self was already too hardened

and how much it saddens jiangzai

yeeting patriarch most of all he explains he does not excuse his master's actions, but he does understand why he does things in his messed up way

jiangzai goodest boy

im sure fuxue would at least try to understand, like at least he ha sthe interest in learning abt their new keeper

ssyifpfff🌙 but shuanghua would take far longer

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch fuxue: adapt to survive

since it was xue yangs actions tht led to xxc to stab himself w his own sword

ssyifpfff🌙 shuanghua must have a lot of guilt somehow even tho its not his fault

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch he directs it all into jiangzai since he cant... yell at xue yang

it was so much harder for make him see deeper into the factors

yeeting patriarch took so much longer for him TO START to let some stuff in and analyze it

that's why mostly jiangzai just... accepts shuanghua's outbursts? he feels responsible for his master's actions even though he has no power nor influence over him

yeeting patriarch but that one day he yelled the boi was going thru so much accumulated shit so he exploded back

got shuanghua all shooketh

shuanghuas wig flew

mabybe he was sneaky listening to fuxue n jiangzai talking

ssyifpfff🌙 and at first even if he cant bring himself to even have a smallest bit of sympathy towards xy, at least he can start to see tht his masters actions were beyond jiangzai, and he couldnt do anything abt them

24h 24 hours ago yeeting patriarch lmao he surely sneakily listened to the talk the other two had

yeeting patriarch he starts to soften bit by bit, slowly, towards jiangzai

SOFT IDEA FOR SOME WARMTH

yeeting patriarch what if the swords "spirits" can interact with animals?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

I finished it. real real sad over John b macklemore not gonna lie. dude wasn't perfect like he was rough around the edges and kind of a dick but like. he was a troubled queer dude and I have a lot of sympathy for that like his love life... made me so sad and he fucking had mercury poisoning like fuck... and then his land just getting bought up by k3 lumber like I know Rita had some depth to her but fuck Rita for that in particular. also do you think Tyler found the gold? (1/ ?)

right like….i dont remember which episode it was but that they were kind of putting together the picture of john being this guy who’s life was centered around how aggressively he cared. like how pissed he gets that other ppl DONT care abt things, and his insistence that everyone sucks and needs to be better, like as self righteous and misguided as it could be, its still part of that intent where he wants to help people in the ways he thinks is necessary. like i think personally i couldnt have been patient enough to interact with him, and i mean it seems like thats kind of a theme lol…like it isnt like theres not a bunch of parts of him that are A Good Person & generous & caring and all, but on this interpersonal individual level and how he channeled things, it’s definitely not the best sometimes

like for one thing he seems like the kind of person who is overly self assured and has a really narrow perspective. like his immediate assumption about a person or situation is what he thinks of as immediately true. he’s got all these judgments he’s doling out, big and small. i couldnt have the patience for that for very long. and he still has a narrow perspective on some things obviously, like he wants a broad range of information but not necessarily other peoples experiences of analyses of things. and yknow still some white dude from alabama and his bigotry even if his “big picture” thoughts on things weren’t as awful as it was obvious was common in that town

like yknow it feels like olan sums up so many things abt john lol. like he recognized how much of a genius and how talented he was, and he never fully wrote him off although there was always shit that kept him from thinking abt being able to like, seriously be in a relationship with him. i feel like i really got what he was saying about how john wouldnt listen to him abt brokeback mtn being good or that he should see it lol coz im like. i get excited abt shit i really like & if someone waves that off or insults it i wouldnt forgive them, like theres so much of this over the top assurance in his own initial opinions and disregard for others’ that he wasnt gonna believe olan even though olan had seen it and john hadnt. and then that he finally did read the short story and liked it, like dude yeah some more of that. he’s got his own thoughts about everything but its like he feels too superior with them. and like he’s still right even if he makes friends mad, like it cant just be him or whatever.

like it wasnt just that he was weird or that he had weird interests or anything that struck me as why he was always so lonely lmao like not that im saying it was his fault or it was only One Thing, but those smaller issues of him could kinda be impossible to get past, but at the same time a lot of ppl seemed like they werent willing to cut him off entirely or write him off cuz of all the other shit about him, he really was like, so unusual in all these ways and clearly it wasnt like there was a shortage of conversation to be had with him

anyways yeah it seems really counterproductive that he was born where he was and couldnt get out. like, not fitting in at all at school, being like what sounds like someone would call bi but i doubt he’d’ve grown up w that kinda language available even if it wasnt shittown alabama—but it does sound like he preferred men and that it was such a bad place for that, like relationships couldnt even be a factor for anyone around there hardly b/c being openly together was hardly an option, one night trysts was all that was really relevant. but it was obvious he was always wanting to be with someone and he just didnt have a way to do that, and couldnt manage to really find anyone. it really is such a heavy subject to think of queer people just being in the wrong place and time to understand themselves and what they want and even if/when they do, not have access to it

uhh yeah one thing that made me the maddest abt tbe last ep was finding out k3 took the land. like how fuckin symbolic. and those shitty rich white supremacists who feel like they literally run the town, fuck them. i WAS never sure abt rita and charles coz like. the relatives who nobody’s seen hide nor hair of, suddenly turning up overnight and wanting to take over everything? thats textbook suspicious. and like sure they probably wouldnt know tyler but its weird they never seemed interested in like, even hearing him out that he mightve been close to john and ought to be involved. like it COULD all just be a misunderstanding between two distrustful parties but still

i mean its nice to know mary grace was getting better care it sounds like, but thats not exactly proof that all their intentions were good. i mean, the k3 thing was like, did you care abt what john wouldve wanted at all? coz he seems to have cared abt that land a lot. and definitely not cared for k3. and they werent ever much sympathetic abt the question of if john wanted tyler to have money. oh, and i hated her calling john’s suicide selfish, but i know unfortunately a lot of ppl do that and i hate whoever does it lol. but like one thing i couldnt get over was her wanting his freakin nipple rings. im like? for Sentimental Value???? you want his body’s nipple rings?????!!!!!!! which later when it was revealed that was probably this queerass sexual thing was just this whole other layer of ghjfhsvvgh

lorddd

the other suspicious thing on that end was johns list of contacts. that not everybody had been contacted. like, wtf happened there. maybe not some paid off conspiracy, but? still a pretty fuckin straightforward task that was ridiculously bungled

Aanyway lord the mercury poisoning angle at the end i was like !!!! fuck is this the new thread now!! cuz it had kind of been mentioned before yknow, the firegilding or whatever, and now he’s doing that all the time suddenly w/o protection or ventilation and im like holy shit. this guy is maybe one of the only people in the world who’s doing this and just poisoning himself via this ancient art, for this fuckin genius he has for clock repair. which is so specialized, like, this dude is probably one of the best in the world. but he’s doing his own thing and that doesnt involve not inhaling mercury. and the fact that he made his own cyanide which was also something used for the clocks, i’m like, these Parallels. this irony. how is this real

i honestly dont know about the gold!!! like, i really feel like he had some, for starters, but the fact people werent even sure if he was a millionaire or he was broke is wild. i was suspicious abt those gates in the crawlspaces, idk what they were for even if not treasure hunts. the maze just feels like so obvious, and the theory abt the doghouse too….and saying there mightve been gold in the freezer that was taken….man. i am not sure what to think. or if he left like honest treasure hunt clues or if it was just buried scattered around w no trail to follow. man. hearing that come up, like maybe this guy has a secret hidden treasure with clues? im like this is so unreal. but i could believe he really did

[lovecomesin]

Different Mindset, same dude

So like always i surprise myself with my ability to mentally sort stuff out and come to a new mindset. remember when i was obsessing over jordan absence and i didnt want to break up with him because i wanted to be with him? well, that is gone lol. and i first have to give thanks to mr or mrs time because that play a big role in this chnage but then my mental also came all the way through in the clutch with this thought process. i also have to thank jordan for beng himself and showing me the real him. lets start with time, at first i couldnt stop checking jordan page and calling him and texting him and then after he deleted that picture that i wanted to just make sure he was okay something told me to just stop trying. i couldnt keep trying. he clearly was not wanting to talk to me or at least ease my mind by telling me what was up so why should i keep trying? i’ll be honest that shit was mad disrespctful and i never got an explanation or apology on why he did that but i digress. next my mental capacity. i’ve always known that when i have a crush on someone it is as if someone but him under this beam of light where he cannot be touched, or judged just admired only. i see no wrong in there actions at that moment because i am blinded by the lights and smoking mirrors. in my defence jordan was really good in the beginning he just got shitty at the very end and i didnt want to let go of the hope of the beginning especially since it was a new relationship. it wouldve seemed ignorant to have just got together only 2 months agao, been amazing and then 1 week ish gets crazy and i break up for good. but as time passed by i started to see and thnk of the situation much more differently than my original thoughts. jordan came back and he was saying all the right stuff about it just being me and him, he wants to spend all this time with me and highly sexual situations that i honestly was willing to acccept but then he started on the monetary aspect of things. when jordan was coming back he told me he was going to get his job transferred to ga and i havent hear him mention anything about working sed job. i remember mentioning work and he plainly said he didnt want to work. I cannot take care of a grown man. i will not take care of a grown man. i like jordan hes sexy, fun, funny and he turns me on in a way im not used to but all of that means nothing to moment he opens his mouth to tell me he gone need me to help him with xyz. dont get me wrong i dont date dudes for there money but i also am not used to being with someone who doesnt slightly have somethng of there own. jordan hasnt even given me a reason to look out for him. he has never came to see me, we only text, he tried to call and ft me but that was at late night hours when he knew i would be sleeping and it was only so he could talk nasty to me. jordan is always asking me for something and this seems like thats mainly what he is intrested in and i refuse to me used or openly waste my time. not again! reggie and ryan were enough. what helped was when jordan called me and asked me to drive to missippi to get him and his friend. he orginally presented it as if, if i didnt come get him that means i dont really rock with him. that pissed me off mainly because i have done soo much for him already that it lowkey pissed me off that he felt as though that would be the defining moment. i was unemployed and drove 30 mins everyday to see this man, i got hi food, cigarettes, liquor and i never once complained. once jordan seen i wasnt moved by what i considered a verbal threat he then ried manipulation. he then told me that this could be a baecation, he wants me to meet his mom and he can get drunk and i can finally see where hes from. while that sounded nice i couldnt get over his orginal thoughts and thats what solidified this for me. jordan may actually want a girl who will hold him down and stuff and i thought that girl could be me but i cant be that girl unless hes showing me he’ the type of guy to hold down. he only makes me happy when we are together. when we are apart it seems as if we are nothing but distant pals. my choice on what to do: i have decided that i dont want a relationship with jordan anymore. i dont care if he calls me back or texts me first or anything for that matter. he merely wants to for financial support and i am not here for that. i wanted a relationship where we both couldve grown from it but clearly he i not ready. i will get what i want from jordan in the event that i still want those things if and when he comes back to atl. i cannot provide any financial suport to jordan nor will i come to him. when he comes back i may link with him so i can have sex and then thats it. jordan was once soo attractive to me in all things but now i cannot finance a guy wi no will power to work. thats ridiculous. hes much to young to only want to focus on rapping only. in the event that he makes it i can fund solace in the fct that i tried and he wa too much. i feel like he doesnt really car about me he truly only wants mt money and pussy. he even told me: you good for it you got a job when he asked me for something that id didnt want to give him, its almost insane how i didnt see this but he wasnt thi person orginally and i still liked him very much. jordan is the only person that can chnage this. he has to show me that he wants me for love, affection, union instead of money and pussy. this person he is showing me is not attractive to me ai want no parts of him. im making it my business to not reach out to him anymore, i’ll be honest he almost had me again but he tlks too much and that is what solidifed it for me. as of now i am single and i will not willingly be used or allow myself to be in another situationship. jordan can fend for himself and if he gets right then we can talk if not i’ll get what i want and leave him the moment i get it. if i want sex i’ll go have sex and leave right after. i cant take you to get beer or cigarette or anything. idk if he purposely was trying to use me or if he just thought he scored a girl who has money but i work too hard to go back. and i wont. until next time lters baby.