#but buffy is going through a much more emotional scene than angel because SHE KNOWS AND HE DOESN'T | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

invisible-pink-toast · 2 years ago

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So I could not stop thinking about @herinsectreflection’s idea of Willow and Faith getting together in s7. It’s not something I ever considered but it’s such a galaxy brained take and would work so well for both their character arcs (and make so much more sense then the love interests they both ended up with).

They wrote an analysis (which I would highly recommend), and there’s this one section:

Imagine a version of The Killer In Me where instead of Willow-as-Warren breaking down in front of Kennedy - who has neither any knowledge of the situation nor any connection to the themes of becoming a killer or facing inner darkness - she’s breaking down in front of Faith. Faith who we know has been haunted by the face of the man she killed. Faith who has intimate knowledge of what it’s like to become a killer. Faith who has literal experience of having an emotional breakdown while in the body of her thematic counterpart. Immediately, that scene becomes so much more potent and powerful.

And that made so much sense and I was so mad about what we actually got that I... rewrote the episode with Faith in Kennedy’s place.

Some background:

There’s an important conversation between Willow and Buffy in ‘Bring on the Night’ where Willow says:

Willow: ‘I’m really sorry for letting you down / So I can’t do everything- but I should at least be able to do something. / But you need help, Buffy. I know you, and I know you’ll never admit it, but you need help.’ Buffy: ‘I’ll be okay’

But of course we know that Buffy nearly gets beaten to death later that episode.

So in ‘Showtime’ after Buffy was almost killed by the uber-vamp, I can see Willow telling the team that she wants to go get Faith. Personally I find ‘Showtime’ super boring, so this added subplot could spice it up a little.

Willow wants to help Buffy and is afraid that she’s going to die. She figures if the all-powerful evil is going after slayers, two slayers are better than one. But the other’s aren’t sure - they don’t trust Faith. Spike is gone, Buffy is still recovering even with slayer-healing, and Willow is torn by her friend’s distrust of Faith. She didn’t trust Faith either, but after her own experiences with darkness, she understands Faith better. So she ignores the group and goes to LA herself.

Also they would’ve already given Faith a heads up about the approaching apocalypse and Bringer attacks (probably through Angel - obviously things are different in Angel season 4, they don’t need Faith to help capture Angelus. Not every season has to have some kind of world-ending disaster, so at Angel Investigations it’s business as usual.).

So Willow goes to the prison LA and pleads with Faith to come back to Sunnydale with her. Faith is hesitant, she doesn’t want to hurt people, but she doesn’t want to sit idly by and let people get hurt when she could help. But she’s afraid of what she might do or become back out in the world.

Willow understands this. She gives Faith some (unemotional) insight into what happened the year before, and where Willow’s head is at now. Willow wants to help, but is afraid of herself. Faith gets this, and an understanding passes between them. Willow tells Faith that they need her. She convinces Faith, and Faith breaks through the glass and busts out of prison.

But we need Buffy to face the uber-vamp alone that night so I figure Willow and Faith get side-tracked by Bringer’s attacking the newly escaped slayer. This could also be a cool crossover episode with ATS, which would bring that team in on the fight and set it up for them to show up at the end of the season (because if there’s a world ending fight - should every ally and advantage be there for the fight??)

Anyway - ‘Showtime’ can work pretty much the same, but Dawn takes over Willow’s role (I like the hc that Willow and Tara were teaching Dawn magic, she’s still in the early stages but manages to hold off the uber-vamp long enough for them to escape).

Then at the start of ‘Potential’ - Willow and Faith can show up. Things are awkward, just like in ‘Dirty Girls’ but Faith is determined to help. With the Summer’s home housing a ton of people - Faith takes a cot in Willow’s room.

As for ‘The Killer in Me’ - it’s such an interesting idea, but the whole execution really falls flat. I honestly don’t dislike Kennedy, but she and Willow have no chemistry and almost nothing in common. There’s a reason their conversation at the Bronze is entirely about being gay - it’s the only thing they have in common (and the dialogue is cringe-worthy. very “written by a straight guy”). It feels rushed, like Willow is moving on from Tara way too quickly, and the fact that in the end there’s no closure - Kennedy just kisses Willow again and everything’s “fixed” irks me so much.

So with that, I present the new and improved 7x13 episode ‘The Killer in Me’

(og was written by Drew Z. Greenberg and the transcript is from TV Show Transcripts)

Trailer

GILES (V.O.) Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

1 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

Dawn's standing in front of the three girls Giles brought with him. The three girls are lined up against the wall, and Dawn's inspecting them, arms crossed in front of her. Willow, Anya, Xander, Buffy and Giles are also in the room, gathered for a pow-wow.

BUFFY The First. That's what it wants.

GILES To erase all the slayers in training and their watchers, along with their methods.

Cut to:

2 EXT. OUTSIDE AN APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT

Holding the young woman in an embrace, Spike rears back in vampire face and sinks his fangs into her neck. He drops the woman to the ground and turns his bloody, fanged face to the camera.

WILLOW (V. O.) Buffy, he's been feeding...

Cut to:

3 INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Spike is sitting in a chair, wrapped in a blanket while the others talk in an adjacent room. Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow and Dawn are all there. Spike's listening to them.

BUFFY He really didn't know what he'd done. It wasn't in his control.

Cut to:

4 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

Xander's explaining his ideas to the gang.

XANDER It's a trigger. It's a brainwashing term. It's how the military makes sleeper agents.

Cut to:

5 EXT. FRONT DOOR AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

Willow answers the front door—it's Amy.

WILLOW Amy.

AMY Can I come in?

WILLOW If you really are my friend, you better stay away from me.

Cut to:

6 INT. THE INITIATIVE SUNNYDALE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT

Dressed in military garb, Riley Finn talks with Professor Walsh, surrounded by other operatives.

PROFESSOR WALSH Agent Finn, my implant?

RILEY The implant works. Hostile 17 can't harm any living creature in any way without intense neurological pain.

Show clips of Spike being operated on by the Initiative, being kept prisoner there, and being unable to bite a girl due to screaming fits and a headache when he attempts it.

Cut to:

7 EXT. BUFFY'S BACKYARD - DAY

While in her backyard talking to Xander, Buffy's approached by an angry, gun-toting Warren.

WARREN You think you can just do that to me?

Warren shoots at Buffy. Meanwhile, while running away, Warren fires a random shot that goes through the upstairs window into Willow and Tara's bedroom.

Cut to:

8 INT. WILLOW AND TARA'S BEDROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE- DAY

Tara is shot and falls to the floor. Blood spatters Willow's shirt.

WILLOW Tara?

Willow is grief-stricken. She is holding Tara's dead body, and when she looks up to heaven, her eyes turn red and black with dark magic because of her anger.

Cut to:

9 EXT. WOODS SOMEWHERE IN SUNNYDALE - NIGHT

Warren is strung up between a pair of trees. He is tied at four points, splayed out like the famous DaVinci diagram. Warren calls for help.

WARREN Somebody! Help!

Willow, in full dark magic splendour (black hair, black eyes), motions her hand toward Warren, and with a twist of her wrist, removes his skin. Warren screams in agony.

Cut to:

10 INT. PRISON VISITOR ROOM IN LA - DAY

Willow sits across from Faith, glass in between them. They both pick up the phones.

FAITH (V.O.) Gotta say, you’re the last person I expected to see.

WILLOW (V.O.) Something’s coming. We can’t do this without you.

FAITH If there’s some great evil, it’s safer for everyone if I’m here. Out of the way.

WILLOW Look I get being afraid of yourself. Of what you might do, or become. But this is bigger than us. You were chosen for a reason, Faith. Buffy needs you. We need you.

Fade to black.

End Recap.

The Start Of Episode

PROLOGUE:

11 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

GILES I'm just a bit twitchy about leaving you alone again here while—while things are in such a state of flux.

BUFFY I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls to understand the source of their power, and to know how to use it right.

GILES Do you think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking? It's frightening, and it's difficult. And then, apparently, someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey until a spooky Rasta-mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles.

BUFFY (looks innocent) That's not exactly how I put it, I—

WILLOW comes down the stairs and BUFFY uses the distraction.

BUFFY (cont.) Hey, how's Faith?

WILLOW Still flu-ey. Bummed about missing the field trip. (to Giles) She says she wants you to meditate extra hard and try not to get into any big fights without her. Oh, and to bring her back some smores!

GILES Ah yes. Smores. I'm going to end up singing campfire songs aren't I?

BUFFY Oh yeah.

XANDER (comes in the front door, followed by DAWN) Giles, you might want to get out there.

GILES Oh, God, what?

DAWN Kennedy, Molly and Rona are fighting over who gets to drive the first leg.

BUFFY (to Giles) Bet you wish you renewed that California state driver's licence now, huh?

ANYA (comes in the front door) Kennedy won. You should probably let Molly out of the trunk. I never actually realised just how compact Molly really is.

A car horn blares outside.

GILES (sighs, to Buffy) Please be safe while I'm away.

BUFFY You too.

Cut to:

12 INT. BASEMENT AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

[Buffy and Spike scene]

Cut to:

Opening Credits.

ACT I:

INT. KITCHEN AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

A tea kettle whistles as Buffy walks into the kitchen from the basement. Willow’s at the stove.

WILLOW Hey. How is he?

BUFFY (sits) Oh, in the "goes" part of "comes and goes."

WILLOW Well there seems to be a definite lack of screaming. That has to be good.

BUFFY You'd think.

Willow reaches into the cupboard for a cup and sees a mug with a black cat on it. Her hand twitches and pain flashes across her face before she can mask it.

BUFFY (cont.) You okay?

WILLOW Hm? Oh, yeah.

Willow grabs a different cup and pours the hot water in.

BUFFY That for the other patient?

WILLOW Yeah. Thought I'd bring her some tea, help her feel better.

BUFFY Yeah, ‘cause the only thing more effective than magical slayer healing is tea.

WILLOW It’s more the thought.

BUFFY (pauses, curious) So… there’s thoughts?

WILLOW Huh? What? No! No thoughts, just, just- tea.

BUFFY Okay, alright. …Will? How much do you know about the chip?

WILLOW Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build websites. Why?

BUFFY Even with the chip, Spike was able to hurt all those people when he was brainwashed.

WILLOW Yeah, but he was under the control of the First.

BUFFY Maybe something's wrong with it.

WILLOW The chip is misfiring all on its own, then. Well this'll be fun.

BUFFY Remember when things used to be nice and boring?

WILLOW (shrugs) No.

She walks out of the kitchen with the tea in hand.

BUFFY (teasingly, calls after her) Have fun...delivering tea...

WILLOW (stops, turns around) OK, not when you make it sound all flirty like that. (mumbles as she heads upstairs) It's just tea.

INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Willow walks into her room to find FAITH putting on her shoes.

WILLOW Hey, I figured the best thing for a cold is a nice hot cup of… boots?

FAITH I’m really more of a beer or tequila girl, but thanks.

WILLOW For someone who's sick, you look surprisingly robust and casual dressy.

FAITH Cheers, Red. Nothing gets past you.

Faith leans down in front of the mirror and applies a dark red lipstick.

WILLOW (shocked) You were never sick! Oh, you are so busted. Xander's gonna have to drive you to the desert and—

FAITH Yeah, no. I’ve spent enough time locked up - and being stuck in a van or a tent with a bunch of shrieking teenagers actually sounds worse than prison. If Giles wants to torture himself, he’s more than welcome.

WILLOW But this was about- learning and growing and other healing, connective type things. It was a chance for you to bond with the Potentials.

FAITH (pulls on a leather jacket) The best bonding experiences are either during or after a fight. I’m sure there’s plenty of opportunities coming. Besides, I have a thing.

WILLOW What?

FAITH Something's up. I have my own mission. (eyes Willow up and down) …Could use your help, actually.

Cut to:

15 INT. THE BRONZE NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

A band's playing a song on stage.

BAND (singing) So I can be happy again...

Faith and Willow are having a drink (complete with orange wedge and paper umbrella garnishes), sitting at one of the tables, listening to the band.

WILLOW This is a mission?

FAITH Definitely.

WILLOW And the little pink umbrellas are a signal for what? …We're not on a mission, are we?

FAITH Got you out of the house, didn’t it?

Willow gets up to leave, Faith calls after her.

FAITH (cont.) Wait, come on. You’re already here, and I’m shouting.

Willow turns to face her, sighing.

WILLOW You stole that money from Xander’s wallet.

FAITH And it was for a good cause. C’mon, Willow. Saving the world’s important and all, but nothing’s even happening right now. We deserve a night off. You especially.

WILLOW (cautiously approaching) What’s that supposed to mean?

FAITH Right now that house is uptightness central. And you’ve been kinda… mopey.

Willow is unimpressed.

FAITH (cont.) I mean, I get why, but still. Figured a night out could do you some good. Also I was bored and didn’t want to go alone. …And you’re one of the few people here I can stand to be around who also doesn’t seem to hate me.

Willow sighs and returns to her seat.

WILLOW All right, I'll stay. For one drink. And I don’t know how un-mopey I’m gonna be.

FAITH Alright, I’ll take it.

WILLOW Also I don’t think anyone hates you.

FAITH I think Kid Sis is planning how to make my death look like an accident as we speak.

WILLOW Okay, yeah, Dawn has… some issues. She’s just very protective of Buffy. But everyone can see you’re here to help - they’ll come around.

FAITH Yeah, we’ll see.

They sit in silence - Willow glumly watching the band, Faith tapping her hands and glancing at Willow.

WILLOW What?

FAITH Nothing, just- I dunno what to do. Normally if I’m in a bar I’m either dancing, hooking up or slaying something. I mean, last time I was in a club I started a brawl.

WILLOW How’d that work out for you?

FAITH Broke a cop's jaw and then took out a hit on Angel.

WILLOW Oh.

Faith shifts uneasily.

WILLOW (cont.) …I tore apart a police station with magic. And then hijacked a semi-trailer.

FAITH (smirking) We make quite the pair, huh?

WILLOW I’ll drink to that.

They cheers and drink.

FAITH Place hasn’t changed much.

WILLOW There was a troll-related incident, but otherwise, yep, same old Bronze.

FAITH Actually, last time I was here was… with you. (at Willow’s confusion, she elaborates) I wasn’t exactly myself.

WILLOW (gets it) The body-swap. With Buffy. Yeah you were pretty wild.

FAITH And you were a lot gayer then I’d realised.

WILLOW How so?

FAITH You introduced me to your girl. Tara?

WILLOW …Yeah. She hadn’t met Buffy yet but she still realised her- or your energy was off. So we conjured the katra to switch you back.

FAITH That was you!?

Willow playfully raises her eyebrows and takes a drink.

FAITH (cont.) She sounds pretty impressive.

WILLOW She’s amazing. My relationship to magic was always… power-focused. I was using it to get something done. But Tara? She had this connection with magic - it was energy and life, completely natural. Like breathing. And she’s so kind and gentle, that always comes across in how she- (Willow pauses, smile fading) Came across. It… it used to.

FAITH She was your first girlfriend?

WILLOW Mmn. Only. Um, can we talk about something else?

Faith’s thrown off, not sure how to handle feelings, or how quickly Willow has gone blank.

FAITH Sure. Yeah, sure, there’s… (she flounders) Um… oh! Prison! I was in prison. I’ve got lots of stories about that. Uh- okay, so there’s this one woman. Old Joan. She’s been in there forever, and she’s got an eyepatch over her left eye. She doesn’t say much, but two years after we’ve met, she and I are alone outside having a smoke. Then she turns to me and lifts up her eyepatch - there’s an eye under there! Totally working eye. And she winks at me! Then puts the eyepatch down again, and never says another word about it.

Willow’s trying not to smile.

FAITH (cont.) This other time-

Cut to:

16 INT. BASEMENT AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

[Spike and Buffy scene]

Cut to:

17 INT. THE BRONZE NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

Faith and Willow are having another drink.

WILLOW So when did you realise you liked girls?

FAITH Ages ago. Probably when I watched Xena. And that bus movie with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. They’re both hot.

WILLOW But you never said anything?

FAITH Did so! You just had hetero lenses on. I even flirted with you a couple of times.

WILLOW Really?

FAITH Not seriously, cause you had Wolf Boy and I thought you were straight, but still. Was always very bi. Although I was probably too focused on B to get those vibes out to anyone else.

WILLOW Oh? Oh.

FAITH But that’s not- I mean- that was a long time ago. Could you, uh, maybe not mention that, though? To her? I think she knows, but it was all pretty whacked out back then, and it’s not really a can of worms I wanna open.

WILLOW My lips are sealed.

FAITH Thanks. Uh, what about you? With girls?

WILLOW Was less “girls” and more “girl”. Tara and I were in the same wicca group. We were being chased by fairytale monsters that stole our voices and wanted to cut out our hearts-

FAITH (mutters) -Just your typical Sunnydale Tuesday-

WILLOW -and we were in trouble. Then she took my hand and it was like- this zing. We were able to do a spell together to protect us. Left me breathless. Then there was a lot of months of denial and confusion before it finally all fell into place. Also she was so pretty I could never take my eyes off of her.

FAITH Nah, that doesn’t sound gay to me at all. Real friendly behaviour there.

Willow laughs, but runs her hands up and down her arms.

FAITH (cont.) You cold?

WILLOW ‘M fine. Thought we were going on a mission so I didn’t grab another layer. I tend to get a lot sweatier fighting evil then sitting on a chair.

FAITH Funny, that. (Faith shrugs off her jacket and tosses it across the table) Here.

WILLOW Oh, I don’t-

FAITH It’s fine. I run hot.

Cut to:

18 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

[Buffy and Spike scene]

Cut to:

19 INT. THE BRONZE NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

Faith and Willow have shifted from a table to a couch. Willow’s wearing Faith’s jacket.

WILLOW That’s nothing. We were once in a stolen, blacked out Winnebago, on the run from a hell god, in the desert, being chased by knights on horseback.

FAITH I honestly don’t know how to respond to that.

WILLOW You know, neither did I. Anya actually knocked out one of them with a frying pan!

They laugh, and a generically attractive guy approaches them, eyeing Faith.

PROBABLY BRAD Hey - you wanna dance?

Faith barely glances at him before shaking her head.

FAITH Nah, I’m good here.

Probably Brad frowns, but doesn’t push it and walks away.

FAITH (cont.) You were saying?

Willow’s looking at her like she’s grown another head.

FAITH (cont.) What?

WILLOW What was that? Don’t you live for that kind of stuff?

FAITH Interruptions?

WILLOW Attention? Guys being all into you - and the dancing-hooking-up-slaying combo?

FAITH Don’t think he was a vamp.

WILLOW That’s not what I meant and you know it. What is this? What are we doing? Why would you rather sit here and talk with me then- then-

FAITH (defensive) What? Dancing with some lame guy I don’t even know?

WILLOW Well, yeah! Or doing anything else then… hanging out… with me?

Faith doesn’t respond, sitting forwards and glaring into her glass.

WILLOW (cont.) We never… talked before. We didn’t really have anything to do with each other.

FAITH Yeah, well, a lot’s happened since then.

WILLOW I know.

FAITH And we’re both different. And even in the ways you’re not different it’s… I… I like talking with you.

WILLOW Yeah?

FAITH I think you- get it. In a way that I don’t have to explain or defend. Which is nice. And I like your stories. I still don’t really get magic yet, but I like how you talk about it. I know I can be a lot and I don’t really know what to say most of the time but… I’m not really close with anyone besides Angel… so I mean, maybe, if you wanted to…

WILLOW Faith? Are you asking me to be your friend?

FAITH (rolls eyes) Well, we’re not in grade school, so no!

WILLOW I like talking with you too.

Faith goes still.

WILLOW (cont.) So, even though you weren’t asking, yes. I would like to be your friend. Officially.

Faith doesn’t look at her, but nods. She clears her throat.

FAITH Right. Okay. So is there like a form we need to fill out? For official purposes.

WILLOW Maybe like a secret handshake. Or a blood oath under a full moon.

Faith grins and finally looks at her.

FAITH Whatever does it for you.

Cut to:

20 INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Faith walks into the room and collapses onto her cot-bed. Willow waits at the door, wringing her hands.

FAITH You right, Red?

WILLOW Yeah, I just… thanks. For tonight. You were right, a night out was good for me.

FAITH You’re welcome. Always love to hear “you were right”.

WILLOW And I’m glad we talked.

FAITH Yeah. Kinda cleared the air.

WILLOW (nods) Yeah, totally. Air cleared. Check.

FAITH So… you coming in?

WILLOW Um, I think, I should… probably… check on… Buffy! You know, with the whole Spike-chip-thing. So I’ll go. Do. That.

FAITH ‘Kay.

Willow turns to leave.

FAITH Hey, Will? Thanks for tonight too. Best one I’ve had in… a while. Long while.

Willow smiles at her, something softer than usual, and it lasts a beat longer than it probably should. Then she leaves. Faith leans back on the bed, musing. There’s a sound at the door again.

MAN Oh, I forgot, you probably want your jacket back.

Faith’s on her feet in a second, staring at WARREN.

WARREN What?

Fade to black.

ACT II:

21 INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Resume.

Willow's standing where Warren was a moment ago, holding out Faith’s jacket and talking amicably - while Faith is staring incredulously at her.

WILLOW Are you okay? I didn’t think- AH!

Faith grabs Willow by the collar and shoves her against the wall. The jacket flops onto the floor.

“WARREN” What are you doing!? It’s not like I stole it, you gave it to me!

FAITH I don’t- who the hell are you?

“WARREN” Is this some kind of prison joke thing? Or do you feel awkward because we were open about feelings and now you’re regretting it? I took a semester of psych, I think you have issues with emotional vulnerability. Although immediate regret seems kind of sudden, ‘cause you literally just said you had a good time.

Faith gapes at “him”, letting go of “his” collar and taking a step back.

FAITH …Willow?

WILLOW …Yes?

FAITH What the hell is happening?

“WARREN” You tell me!?

Willow starts to panic and goes to look in the mirror; she sees Warren's reflection instead of her own.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Until resolution of this plot point, all characters see Willow in Warren's form. On screen, Willow is sometimes shown from her perspective, as herself. To keep track of which form Willow is shown on screen, an asterisk (*) will be used to indicate the form.

WILLOW/WARREN* = shown as Warren

WILLOW*/WARREN = shown as Willow

WILLOW/WARREN* Oh, God! Oh, God...

FAITH What... who is that?

WILLOW/WARREN* (feeling her face) It's the man that I killed.

22 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Warren comes down the stairs, followed by Faith. Xander, Anya and Dawn are in the living room.

FAITH OK, hold up a sec.

When Xander, Anya and Dawn see Warren, they gasp and stand, positioning themselves defensively.

WILLOW/WARREN* Guys—

XANDER Get Buffy. Get Buffy! Tell her the First is back.

WILLOW/WARREN* No, I'm not the First.

ANYA We're not interested in any of your evil lies. We've heard 'em all.

WILLOW*/WARREN No, guys it's me.

WILLOW/WARREN* I'm me. I'm Willow. Guys, come on. Ask Faith— (points to Faith) She was there.

FAITH (shakes her head) I don't know. I'm not sure. We were in Willow's room and we were—

Carrying a bowl of food, ANDREW walks into the living room. When he sees Warren, he freezes in place, dropping his bowl; it shatters to pieces on the ground.

ANDREW No... No. You're back.

WILLOW/WARREN* (emphatic) No, I'm not. It's not— I'm not it. Listen to me—

ANDREW No more listening. I know who you are now. I know what you made me do. Your promises of happy fields and dancing schnauzers and being demigods won't work on me anymore.

ANYA (yells) Buffy!

XANDER (whispers, to Anya and Dawn) The Bringers are coming too.

DAWN (holds up her fists) Let ‘em come.

WILLOW/WARREN* No, I'm not the First!

ANDREW You made me do things. Things I can never take back. Ever.

WILLOW/WARREN* I'm not the First!

Buffy walks into the room.

BUFFY What the hell is going on here?

She scowls when she sees Warren and punches Willow/Warren in the nose. She falls to the ground, writhing in pain on the floor.

BUFFY (cont.) Ow! You’re real?

WILLOW*/WARREN OW! YES! You both know you have slayer strength right? Regular person bones here!

Everyone stares at Warren. SPIKE walks into the room, holding his head and groaning. He sees "Warren" and sighs.

SPIKE (mutters) Great I'm losing my mind again.

ANYA Wait.

DAWN But if he's the First...

WILLOW/WARREN* I'm not the First!

XANDER You're not the First.

WILLOW/WARREN* (stands) I know.

ANDREW (smiles) Oh, my God! You're back.

He hugs Warren from behind, his hands touching Warren's chest, before Willow grabs at them.

WILLOW*/WARREN Hey! Bad touching!

Spike wanders around, holding his head, moaning in pain while everyone stares at Willow/Warren.

WILLOW/WARREN* Everyone please stop staring.

FAITH It's Willow.

WILLOW/WARREN* I'm Willow.

XANDER Are you sure?

WILLOW*/WARREN There are other stories from kindergarten. Non yellow crayon stories in which you don't come out in such a good light.

WILLOW/WARREN* An incident involving Aquaman underoos, for example. You want me to start talking?

XANDER (smiles, walks up to Willow/Warren) Hey, Willow!

ANYA What happened?

Everyone inches closer to Willow/Warren.

WILLOW/WARREN* I don't know. We were there, and then I looked like him.

ANYA Oh, like a glamour.

WILLOW*/WARREN Maybe, but I probably brought it on myself.

BUFFY What makes you think that?

WILLOW/WARREN* Well, it wouldn't be the first time. I have a history with my witchy subconscious making things go kerfloopey. Remember the wacky "I can't see you, you can't see me" spell?

While Willow/Warren's talking, Dawn touches her shoulder, Andrew touches her chest and face.

BUFFY (to Dawn and Andrew) Guys!

ANDREW (stops touching Willow/Warren) It's so real.

WILLOW*/WARREN I'm all too aware.

She brushes Dawn's hand away.

BUFFY OK, say you're right, and you did do this to yourself. Why would your subconscious turn you into Warren?

WILLOW/WARREN* Obviously because I feel bad— about killing him.

BUFFY We'll deal. We'll get help.

WILLOW/WARREN* No, I can handle this.

BUFFY On your own? Why?

WILLOW*/WARREN I did it. I'll fix it. I don't want you seeing me this way anyway.

She walks toward the door.

BUFFY It's kinda a little late for that.

Spike's moaning in the background and collapses on the floor.

WILLOW/WARREN* Seriously, I'm not posing any big threat to the world. Besides, it looks like you've got your hands full already.

Buffy looks around, sees Spike lying on the floor moaning and twitching.

WILLOW*/WARREN I'll go, I'll handle it, I'll fix it, I'll be back before you even know I'm gone.

Faith has hung back from the group, but she frowns at this.

WILLOW/WARREN* Promise.

Willow/Warren leaves through the front door. Buffy goes to Spike’s side, kneels down beside him and takes his hand.

SPIKE Buffy?

BUFFY I'm right here.

SPIKE The chip fired again.

Xander, Anya, Dawn and Andrew gather around to watch Buffy and Spike. Faith slips out the front door unnoticed.

BUFFY I kinda figured. Maybe they'll call back. Maybe they'll send help.

SPIKE Maybe we can't wait.

Cut to:

23 EXT. RANDOM STREET IN SUNNYDALE - NIGHT

Willow/Warren's walking purposefully down the street. Faith catches up, surprising her.

FAITH OK. Safe to say no one will ever accuse you of being too butch.

WILLOW/WARREN* Faith, go home.

She walks away, but Faith follows.

FAITH So are these kinda wacky magical shenanigans a regular for you?

Willow/Warren stops walking, turns and glares at her.

WILLOW*/WARREN I’ve turned into the guy I flayed alive. It's hard to see the wacky shenanigan side.

Willow/Warren stalks away. Faith’s eyes pop at the “flayed alive” part, but she continues unperturbed.

FAITH So you got a plan?

WILLOW*/WARREN Yeah, get some help reversing it.

FAITH Thought you were gonna try it yourself?

WILLOW*/WARREN (sighs) I did try. Something's blocking me.

FAITH All the more reason for me to tag along. Plus, I was sorta there when it happened. Maybe I can help.

WILLOW/WARREN* (stops walking) I really think I'm fine with the handling.

FAITH By yourself? Why?

WILLOW*/WARREN I'm the one that killed him. I— It's hard to understand.

FAITH Try me.

Willow/Warren stares at the ground between them.

FAITH (cont.) Okay, or don’t. But we’re… friends. Right? Friends help each other with stuff. Or I can at least keep you company on your reversal-quest. Fight off anything we run into that tries to kill us. This is Sunnydale.

Willow/Warren sighs.

WILLOW/WARREN* (walks) Fine. Come. Try not to get in the way.

FAITH I’ll do my best. Girl scouts honour.

WILLOW*/WARREN You were a girl scout?

FAITH For like a week before I got kicked out. Still good with the honour though. You know where we’re going?

WILLOW*/WARREN To see some old friends of mine. A wicca group, helped me with my magic addiction. It's been a while, but maybe they can do something.

Cut to:

[other scenes - Buffy and Spike, The Scoobies - but none of that “Giles is the First” crap]

Cut to:

28 INT. HALL - NIGHT

A group of a dozen witches are sitting in circle formation with candles lit in front of them and glowing crystals hung around their necks.

CIRCLE LEADER - FARAH (praying) Instill us, oh, great one, with peace, with strength, with compassion, with hope. The path we seek is yours. Keep us on that path.

WILLOW*/WARREN (walks to the open doorway) Oh boy.

FARAH Um, hi, we're—

WILLOW/WARREN* Oh, hey. I'm sorry— Willow. I’m Willow. Rosenberg? It’s… been a while. Also I’m not a guy. And this is Faith.

Faith sidles up beside Willow/Warren with a lit cigarette in her mouth and gives a two-fingered salute.

FAITH Hey.

FARAH You're Willow?

WILLOW/WARREN* Guilty.

The whole group is staring at Willow/Warren and she shrinks in on herself. Another person - CHARLIE - stands up.

CHARLIE Yeah I can sense it, your energy is all off. But what happened to you?

WILLOW/WARREN* Um, I think it’s a glamour-

CHARLIE No, I mean, if you’re Willow, where have you been?

FARAH You just disappeared.

CHARLIE No one’s seen or heard from you since… Tara…

Willow/Warren deflates.

WILLOW*/WARREN Oh. Right.

FARAH You weren’t even at her funeral.

WILLOW*/WARREN I… I wasn’t… good. I needed… time. I…

She runs her hands through her hair.

WILLOW/WARREN* This was a bad idea, I’m sorry, I’ll go-

WOMAN (O.S.) No, wait.

Willow/Warren looks to the back of the group. AMY stands up.

WILLOW*/WARREN OK. Whoa...

AMY Hi. Here's the thing. I'll just get this out of the way. I'm sorta screwed up, but I mean you already knew that 'cause you lived it. Gotcha.

FARAH But she's doing so much better now. Amy...

AMY It's OK, Farah, I wanna do this. It took me a long time to really see myself. But I did. Because you know that's the crazy thing about hitting rock bottom, you get to relive all the crappy things you did. And I wanted to come find you and tell you that I was here working on things with these guys. And that I'm sorry. But you're here, looking like— Wow. How did this happen?

FAITH That's what we're here to find out. I mean, if we're done with all the group hugging.

WILLOW/WARREN* I got hit with this, like, glamour thing, and I can't seem to shake it myself. I was hoping someone here might be able to help.

AMY Yeah, see the thing is we're more about healing spirits and nurturing our life force here.

WILLOW/WARREN* Oh...

AMY (looks at group, then back at Willow/Warren) But we'll try.

29 INT. HALL - NIGHT

Faith and Farah are sitting in chairs watching Amy and Willow/Warren do a spell at the front of the room.

AMY (chanting O.S.) Her spirits true, its shell a lie...

FAITH (whispers, to Farah) Do you think this’ll work?

AMY (chanting O.S.) We draw upon your very light.

FARAH (whispers, to Faith) Do you have a better idea?

AMY ...Give back the form the soul requires. See that the balance is put right.

Willow/Warren is holding a crystal as Amy performs the spell, holding her hands underneath Willow/Warren’s. As Amy completes the spell, the crystal glows and becomes hot. Willow/Warren screams, drops the glowing crystal, and stands.

AMY (stands) It didn't work?

WILLOW*/WARREN No it didn't, you dumb bitch!

She slaps Amy across the face. Everyone flinches.

FAITH Willow! The hell?

AMY You slapped me!

WILLOW/WARREN* No, no I didn't. I wouldn’t. It... wasn't me. (eyes growing wider) It was Warren.

Fade to black.

ACT III:

30 INT. HALL - NIGHT

Amy's holding her face where Willow/Warren slapped her. Willow/Warren runs out of the room.

FAITH (stands, goes after Willow/Warren) Willow!

Cut to:

31 EXT. RANDOM STREET OF SUNNYDALE - NIGHT

Willow/Warren runs out into the street, followed by Faith.

FAITH Will! Hold up, it’ll be okay-

WILLOW/WARREN* Okay? Okay! Are you just tuning in? Did you not see that?

WILLOW*/WARREN I'm turning into him. It's not a trick, it's not a glamour. I'm becoming him. A murderous, misogynist man!

WILLOW/WARREN* I mean, do you understand what he did? What I could do? I killed him for a reason!

FAITH Alright, it’s not okay, I get it, but freaking isn't gonna fix it. Just take a breath, and we can-

WILLOW*/WARREN (steps towards Faith, right in her personal bubble) You understand nothing about magic. Or me.

WILLOW/WARREN* So stop acting like it, and leave me alone.

Willow/Warren stalks off. Faith tries to follow, but is blocked by a magical barrier.

FAITH Willow! Come on.

Willow/Warren doesn’t stop.

Cut to:

[Other scenes - Buffy and Spike, Scoobies]

35 EXT. RANDOM ALLEY IN SUNNYDALE - NIGHT

Willow/Warren's walking down the alley. She stops behind the dumpster and rests her head against the wall. She sinks down to the ground, crying, hiding her head in her hands.

WILLOW*/WARREN Oh, God. What do I do?

Then, as Warren, she starts, looks up, and starts talking to herself.

WILLOW/WARREN* Look at me. Crying like a little girl.

Willow/Warren stands and walks purposefully down the street.

Cut to:

[other scenes]

37 INT. HALL - NIGHT

Amy's packing up supplies from the ritual when Faith walks back into the hall.

FAITH Where'd they go?

AMY They took off. It was a little too creepy, even for us. …You're really worried about her? Look, she’s gonna be fine. Willow's strong. Melodramatic, sure, but definitely powerful. And she’s dealt with a lot worse. Long before she ever went out and found herself a slayer bodyguard, OK? Just have a little faith in her. Hah. Get it?

FAITH I never said I was a slayer.

AMY (innocently) Oh, no, I think you did. When you first got here, you told us—

FAITH No, I didn't. (walks closer to Amy) How’d you know who I was?

AMY (smirks) Oops.

Cut to:

[other scene]

39 INT. PAWN SHOW - NIGHT

Willow/Warren’s looking into a glass display case, grinning.

SHOPKEEPER So, same model as last time? How'd that work out for you?

Pan down to show the case is displaying handguns.

WILLOW*/WARREN (stands, grinning maniacally) You'd be amazed.

Fade to black.

ACT IV

[other scenes]

42 EXT. RANDOM STREET IN SUNNYDALE - SUNRISE

Willow/Warren's walking down the street, gun in hand, with a determined look on her face.

Cut to:

[other scene]

44 INT. HALL - SUNRISE

Amy and Faith are still talking.

FAITH (angrily) You did this, didn’t you? You gonna tell me why? Or do I have to convince you?

Faith leans forward menacingly, but Amy waves her hands causing Faith to be magically thrust across the room where she lands among the chairs. Faith stands up, shaking it off.

FAITH Alright. Convincing it is.

She picks up a chair and hurls it at Amy, who knocks it away with magic. There’s another chair, and another and another. Amy knocks them all away, almost bored. She fakes a yawn, not realising Faith has slowly been getting closer to her. Faith socks her in the jaw mid-yawn.

Faith stands over her, another punch at the ready.

FAITH What did you do to her?

AMY (nursing the bruise) What, to Willow? Oh, just your standard penance malediction is all.

FAITH OK, and that's magic crazy talk for what?

AMY (smirking) I put a hex on her.

Faith grabs the front of Amy’s shirt and hurls her to her feet one handed, the other hand still in a fist.

FAITH I got that part. But why Warren? And why did it happen after we hung out?

AMY (chuckles) Oh, that's rich. (She runs a hand up Faith’s arm) That must’ve been some “bonding” activity.

FAITH Answer me. Or lose your teeth.

AMY The hex I cast lets the victim's subconscious pick the form of their punishment. It's always better than anything I can come up with. Elegant, you know?

FAITH (threateningly) Undo it. Let her out.

AMY OK. Oh, wait — no.

Faith goes to punch her, but a barrier spell pushes her back. Amy smirks at her.

FAITH Why would you do this to her? You really hate her that much?

AMY (sighs) This is not about hate. It's about power. Willow always had all the power, long before she even knew what to do with it. Just came so easy for her. The rest of us—we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet, poor Willow. They don't know how weak she is. She gave in to evil, unthinkable black magicks - stuff worse than I can even imagine. She almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her? Forgiving her? (in Faith’s face) So what's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Taking her down a peg or two? She deserves it.

Faith looks like she’s about to commit another murder.

FAITH Fun? (Amy nods) She's disappearing. Fading away in that creep, and you think it's fun.

AMY It was just a game. It's not my fault if she's losing herself.

FAITH You have no idea. What it’s like- how hard she’s trying to-

AMY Oh, please. Spare me. (She tilts her head, watching Faith curiously) You do care for her quite a bit. I can feel the connection. That could be interesting.

FAITH I think we have different versions of interesting. Mine mainly involves you and internal bleeding.

AMY (smirks) Hey, I'm not the bad guy here. But I wonder where he'd be right now?

Faith launches herself forwards, but in one swift movement Amy tosses powder at her, snaps her fingers and Faith disappears.

Cut to:

45 EXT. BUFFY'S BACKYARD - DAY

Faith suddenly finds herself in the backyard of Buffy's house.

FAITH (to herself) Christ, what now?

Still carrying a handgun, Willow/Warren storms into the backyard through the gate exactly as Warren did the day he shot Buffy and killed Tara.

WILLOW*/WARREN Think you can just do that to me? That I'd let you get away with it?

FAITH Do? Get away with—

Warren/Willow points the gun at Faith; Faith freezes, before backing up slowly, calmly.

FAITH (cont.) Easy, let's not get excited.

WILLOW*/WARREN (walks closer to Faith) It's too late for that. This is what I am. I made it happen, and I'll make it stop. I gotta make it stop.

FAITH Willow, what did you make happen?

WILLOW*/WARREN You were there, bitch! You saw it!

WILLOW/WARREN* I killed her.

FAITH You mean him?

WILLOW/WARREN* Her, him— (points gun at Faith again) You know what I mean.

FAITH You said her.

WILLOW/WARREN* No, no. You’re confusing me. That was Warren.

FAITH No, it wasn't. You said I was there. Who did you kill, Willow?

WILLOW/WARREN* It was your fault, slut!

WILLOW*/WARREN You tricked me. Got me to forget.

FAITH Forget what?

Willow/Warren paces, muttering, swinging the gun around. Faith starts to move closer, slowly and carefully.

WILLOW/WARREN* It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, I didn’t mean to, I’d never mean to, and I shouldn’t feel it, I should only feel that, but I- I didn’t-

WILLOW*/WARREN She’s gotta know, she has to know, I didn’t mean it, it wasn’t real, I would never do it, I could never forget her-

It clicks.

FAITH …Tara.

Willow/Warren freezes, before pointing the gun at Faith again - close range.

WILLOW/WARREN* Shut up!

WILLOW*/WARREN (crying) Shut up! You do not get to say her name. Everyone says her name but nobody means it. And you! Tricking me - making me laugh and- and feel like… like I could be… that I deserve more than… (looking lost) I didn't—I didn't mean... what am I saying, I—I can't make— (pleading) Faith, I can't hold on... he's winning.

Faith takes a step towards Willow/Warren. They’re only an arm length away.

FAITH No… you’re stronger than that.

WILLOW/WARREN* I’m not. I’m not. I’m nothing.

Her hand shakes holding the gun. Slowly, Faith reaches over and puts her hand over Willow’s.

FAITH Gimme the gun, Will. Please. You don’t wanna hurt anyone.

WILLOW*/WARREN I did.

FAITH Do you wanna hurt me?

Willow/Warren blinks at her, tears streaming down her face. In a sudden moment of horrifying clarity, Willow/Warren drops the gun and staggers back in shock.

WILLOW/WARREN* No! God! No, no.

WILLOW*/WARREN I'm being punished! I- I felt- I was happy. And I thought - just for a second, but it was enough. I let her go. I didn't mean to.

FAITH Red, that doesn’t mean th—

WILLOW*/WARREN No, she was never gone. She was with me. We should have been forever, and I- (cries) I let her be dead. She's really dead. (breaks down into tears) And I killed her.

Willow/Warren falls to the ground sobbing. Faith watches in panic, completely out of her depth.

WILLOW*/WARREN (looking up to the sky) Please, baby, I'm so sorry. Come back.

WILLOW/WARREN* (sobs) I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Come back...

Faith kneels down beside Willow/Warren

FAITH Willow, what happened to Tara was not your fault. You don’t have to punish yourself because you felt happy just for a moment. Do you hear me? You are a hell of a powerhouse, and you are doing this magic to yourself. With help from a psycho-bitch. But you are turning yourself into Warren in punishment. You don’t deserve that.

WILLOW/WARREN* Don’t I? I killed him! I killed him and I wanted to. And I- I feel guilt and regret and I hurt so many people.

WILLOW*/WARREN But I’m not sorry I killed him. I feel sick and ashamed and dirty but I’m not sorry. I’m a monster. God, I deserve this, I’m a monster-

Faith grabs Willow/Warren by the shoulders.

FAITH Hey, no. Willow, look at me, will you!? I know something about monsters. I’ve killed a lot of them, and I’ve looked in the mirror and seen one. This guy? Honestly it sounds like the world’s better off without him. And if I was in your position, I’d have done the same thing. I don’t think that makes you a monster. And it’s all complicated, but my prison counsellor said feeling these things is good. Better than not feeling at all. That’s how you know you’re still a person.

WILLOW/WARREN* But it’s all my fault. I forgot her- I left her- I felt-

FAITH You didn’t kill Tara, you didn’t forget her.

WILLOW*/WARREN How do you know?! You didn’t know her!

FAITH Yeah, but you did! Didn’t you say Tara was kind and gentle? Do you think she’d want this for you? All this anger and grief and agony? She wouldn’t want this for the love of her life, hell, I doubt she’d want this for anyone. You don’t have to feel like this forever.

WILLOW/WARREN* But if I don’t- if I don’t- then what’s left? It’s just- so much pain. And she’s gone. She’ll really be gone.

FAITH It’s gonna hurt. It’s always gonna hurt. But it’s not always gonna hurt this much. And that’s good. It doesn’t mean you’re forgetting her. It just means… you can think of her and smile. Think of, you know, her magic or her laugh or how good of a kisser she was. Sometimes it’ll still hurt like hell, but sometimes you’ll be able to think of her and be happy.

Willow/Warren hangs on her every word, still crying.

FAITH (cont.) And you know, maybe… you could think of other things and be happy too. Doesn’t have to be dates or girls or anything. Friends, books, spells. Whatever you like. But if you are ever ready for the other stuff, I don’t think your girl would want you to be all sad and alone and-

WILLOW*/WARREN Mopey?

FAITH Yeah, mopey. No one should be mopey forever. Being happy about things, experiencing life - it’s not a betrayal to her, or her memory. It doesn’t make you love her any less. You deserve to be happy. She’d want you to be happy, Willow.

Warren shifts, slowly fading back into Willow. And at the end of the speech, Willow falls into Faith, wrapping her arms around her as she sobs. Faith is a deer in the headlights, but she tentatively puts an arm around Willow and hugs her back.

FAITH (cont.) Easy, Red. Good to have you back.

WILLOW (still sobbing) I’m me?

FAITH Yep. Told you that you were a powerhouse.

Willow leans back from the hug, touching her face and wiping at her tears.

FAITH I meant it, you know. You deserve to be happy.

WILLOW I don’t know if I do. Deserve it. Or if I can be.

FAITH S’okay. Take it day at a time. Maybe some counselling. (Willow raises an eyebrow) Or meditation. Or gardening. Even punching bags. There’s books n’ stuff on all this. Helped me. Even if you don’t think you deserve to be happy, you deserve more than feeling like this. And definitely more than turning into that.

WILLOW …Thank you.

FAITH You’re welcome. Hey, I like… helped. Without punching things. Except for that bitch Amy. But I helped you - with feelings. Right?

WILLOW Yeah, you did. We should get you your own show, like Oprah.

FAITH Nah, if I’m going on TV it’s gotta be one of those dating shows where I get to hook up with a bunch of people.

Willow laughs tiredly.

FAITH (cont.) You okay?

WILLOW I have no idea. Are you?

FAITH Five-by-five.

They both stand.

WILLOW I’m so tired.

Faith supports Willow and walks her into the house.

FAITH Just a regular night in Sunnydale. I'll make you some tea.

Cut to:

Closing credits.

#low key also thinking of writing up some scenes from the non-existent Showtime episode #between faith and willow #maybe featuring the ats cast #we'll see #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #my post #willow rosenberg #faith lehane #willow x faith #season 7 #7x13 #the killer in me #rewrite #my fics #my meta

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oveliagirlhaditright · 3 years ago

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Bangel Appreciation Week Day 2: Favorite Kiss

I told you I'd eventually get back to this:)

Like I said in my one post, my favorite kiss is actually the "I Will Remember You" one in the sunlight... because it's just wonderful in every way, shape, and form, and everything you could ever want for a kiss from them. Especially in their "happily ever after moment." But this is the runner-up, and I feel I can better explain why I like this one than that one, so that's why I'm going with it. ^_^

First of all, there are the emotions of everyone involved (three people), and it's kind of golden that way.

Xander is spying on Buffy and Angel, and just found out through this that Angel is back from Hell and that Buffy has been keeping this secret from the Gang and feels threatened and betrayed by it-- because of everything that Angelus put the Scoobies through in season two.

Buffy has finally given into her feelings for Angel here, that she's been bottling up since he came back--and it's a nice and powerful moment for sure, with a lot of payoff there--but there's also a lot of guilt on her part in the instance, because she's so afraid of repeating past mistakes and Angelus coming out to play again, if she's not careful. She's been trying all season (thus far) to distance herself from Angel--to just be his caretaker, that he badly needed after he came from Hell feral, as well as his friend, and she's definitely ashamed of herself for letting her feelings get the best of her in a second. And she probably feels bad about lying to her friends, yeah, but she knows that they would kill Angel without a second thought if they knew about him being back, in not caring that Angel isn't Angelus.

And Angel is still definitely in love with Buffy (Buffy is still in love with him, too, but fighting it). And he also doesn't want to risk Angelus coming back, but he's less sorry for the kiss than she is. Surely because he was in Hell, and any kind of comfort is a good thing in his book right now.

All of these emotions coming together just make for a lot of tension and a good scene, indeed.

I also really love how this scene is shot? At first we're in Xander's point of view, and he's spying on them from behind a window. And thus, the image of them is blurry at first--and zoomed out on--before the image clears and we zoom in on the two.

We also get a commercial break, because Xander is clearly seen more than he wants to and is not happy about this and then storms off.

But when we come back, our couple are still kissing, and this is Buffy and Angel's point of view now--much more intimate, and we get to get lost in the kiss like they are. And everything about the kiss moving forward reflects that.

Like, everything about the kiss before the commercial break hints that it's locked in Xander's PoV, and everything after that shows that it's now in Buffy and Angel's perspectives, and it's just done very well, imo. -shrugs-

Also, a very weird thing to comment on here, but I just love Buffy's hair in this scene.

And her seemingly standing up on her tiptoes and stuff is also cute.

#bangel #long post #buffy the vampire slayer #bangelappreciationwk2022 #buffy summers #angel

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impalementation · 3 years ago

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spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 3

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

“Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

Prior to becoming a romantic interest, Spike is everything I discussed in the last section. He is an id and a mirror for Buffy, he’s prone to both romantic exaggeration and cutting realism, and his liminality suggests ambiguity. But outside of “Lovers Walk”, the writing doesn’t actually delve too deeply into Spike’s nature as a romantic. If you stopped the canon at “Restless”, you’d probably think that Spike’s love for Drusilla was intriguing, but that the show hadn’t really gone anywhere with the implications of it, and for all you knew, that might not be an important part of his character anymore. So one of the most interesting things about season five to me, is that in this season in which the writers first consciously, deliberately decide to explore the sexual and romantic tension between Spike and Buffy, they also emphasize Spike’s romanticism more than ever. The choice to define Spike by his romanticism is a choice that follows naturally from everything established about his character, but it was also not an inevitable choice. Therefore, it’s a choice worth looking at in some detail.

Consider everything that “Fool For Love” establishes about Spike, especially the things that contradict what was supposedly canon at the time. It makes Drusilla his sire instead of Angel, meaning that he is sired by a romantic connection, and as a direct result of heartbreak. It makes him a poet living in the middle of the Victorian era, an age at odds with his previous ages of “barely 200” and “126”. Meaning that the writing specifically decides to ignore its canon in order to associate him with an era in which passions would have been repressed (rather than the Romantic era of the early 1800’s or the modern energy of the early 1900’s). Moreover, the episode reveals his entire aesthetic and personality to essentially be a construct. But most tellingly of all, it reveals him to be an idealist. Spike is not just a performance artist; he yearns for the “effulgent”, for something “glowing and glistening” that the “vulgarians” of the world don’t understand. In other words, he yearns for something bigger and more beautiful than life: something romantic. Later, he chases after “death, glory, and sod all else.” Spike may be a “fool for love”, who has a romantic view of romantic love specifically, but the episode is very clear about the fact that he is also a romantic more generally. When Drusilla turns him, she doesn’t tempt him by telling him she’ll love him forever. She tempts him by offering him “something…effulgent”. (Which, in typical Spike form, the episode immediately undercuts by having him say “ow” instead of swooning romantically). The fact that “Fool For Love”, Spike’s major backstory episode, is so determined to paint him as a romantic--and in particular, a disappointed, frustrated romantic--that it is willing to contradict canon to do so, tells you that this choice was important for framing Spike and his new, ongoing thematic role.

I’ve talked in the past about how season five is all about the tension between the mythical and the mortal--between big, grand, sweeping narratives, and the reality of being human. Buffy is the Slayer, but she’s also just a girl who loses her mother. Dawn is the key, but she’s also just a confused and hormonal fourteen-year-old. Willow is a powerful witch, but she also just wants her girlfriend to be okay. Glory is a god, but she’s also a human man named Ben, and finds herself increasingly weakened by his emotions. And Spike embodies this tension perfectly. He’s a soulless vampire with a lifetime of bloodshed behind him, but he’s also this silly, human man who wants to love and be loved. He wants big, grand things, but every time they are frustrated by a Victorian society, a rejection, a chip, a pratfall, or dying with an “ow”. Furthermore, his season five storyline is all about the tension between loving in an exalted, yet often selfish way, versus loving in a “real” or selfless way.

There was a fascinating piece a ways back that discussed how Spike’s attempts to woo Buffy in season five almost perfectly match the romantic narratives of Courtly Love. In the words of the author:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The Knight/Lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings -- inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails -- ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown.

You can see for yourself how well that description fits Spike’s arc. He fixates on the torturous, abject nature of his love, and has it in his head that he can perform deeds and demonstrate virtue, and this will prove to Buffy that he is worthy of her. But despite Spike’s gradual ennobling over the course of the season, I think it would be a mistake to see the season as using the Courtly Love narrative uncritically, or even just ironically. The same way it would be a mistake to see season two as using the Gothic uncritically. Spike is as much Don Quixote as he is Lancelot. He is a character that deliberately tries to act out romantic tropes, giving the writing an opportunity to satirize those tropes, including the tropes of chivalric romance. In particular, the writing criticizes Spike’s (very chivalric) fixation on love as a personal agony, something that is more about pain--and specifically, his pain--than building a real relationship. Over and over in season five, he is forced to abandon these sorts of flattering romantic mindsets in favor of a more complicated reality.

So at first, Spike’s “deeds” tend to be shallow and vaguely transactional. He tries to help Buffy in “Checkpoint” even though she doesn’t want it (and insults her when she doesn’t appreciate it), he asks “what the hell does it take?” when Buffy is unimpressed by him not feeding on “bleeding disaster victims” in “Triangle”, he rants bitterly at a mannequin when Buffy fails to be grateful to him for taking her to Riley in “Into the Woods”, and he is angry and confused when Buffy is unmoved by his offer to stake Drusilla in “Crush”. While these attempts to symbolically reject his evilness are startling for a soulless vampire, and although Spike certainly feels like he is fundamentally altering himself for Buffy’s sake, none of it is based on understanding or supporting Buffy in a way that she would actually find substantial. Moreover, he lashes out when his gestures fail to win her attention or affection. He has an idea in his head of how their romantic scenes should play out, and reacts petulantly when reality fails to live up to it.

But these incidents of self-interested narrativizing are also continuously contrasted with scenes in which Spike reacts with real generosity, or is surprised when he realizes he’s touched something emotionally genuine. When Buffy seeks him out in “Checkpoint”, his mannerisms instantly change when he realizes she actually needs real help (“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them”), rather than the performed help he offered at the beginning of the episode. At the end of “Fool For Love” he’s struck dumb by Buffy’s grief, and his antagonistic posturing all evening melts away. He abandons his romantic vision of their erotic, life-and-death rivalry in favor of real, awkward emotional intimacy. In “Forever” he tries to anonymously leave flowers for Joyce, and reacts angrily when he’s denied—but this time not because he wanted something from Buffy. Simply because he wanted to do something meaningful.

This contradictory behavior comes to a head in “Intervention”, the episode in which Spike finally begins to understand the difference between real and transactional generosity. Up until that point, Spike has been reacting both selfishly and unselfishly, but he hasn’t been able to truly distinguish between them, which is why he keeps repeating the same mistakes. Although he touches something real at the end of “Fool For Love”, for instance, he goes on to rifle through Buffy’s intimates in the very next episode. And so “Intervention” has Spike go to extremes of fakeness and reality. He gives up on having the real Buffy, and seeks out an artificial substitute that lets him live out his cheesiest romance novel scripts. It’s important that the Buffybot isn’t just a sexbot, even if he does have sex with her. She’s a bot he plays out romantic scenarios with the way he played them with Harmony in “Crush”, allowing him to almost literally live within a fiction. But then he “gives up” on having Buffy in a way that’s actually real, by offering up his life. He lets himself be tortured, and potentially killed, for no other reason than that to do otherwise would cause Buffy pain. The focus is on her pain, not his. For the first time, he acts like the Knight he’s been trying to be all along. He performs a grand, heroic deed that causes the object of his affection to see him in a different light, and even grant him a kiss. Yet ironically, as part of learning the difference between real and fake, he ceases to press for Buffy’s reciprocation. Through the end of season five, Spike continues to act the selfless Knight, assisting Buffy in her heroism without asking for anything in return. Which culminates in his declaration that he knows Buffy “will never love him”, even after he’s promised her the deed of protecting Dawn, and even though she allows a kind of intimacy by letting him back in her house. He proves that he sees those gestures for what they are, rather than in a transactional light. The irony of the way Spike fulfills the narrative of chivalric romance, is that his ennobling involves letting aspects of that narrative go.

In a Courtly Love narrative, the object of the Knight’s affection is fundamentally pedestalized. The Knight himself might be flawed, but the woman he pines after is not. She is “divinely beautiful” and “unobtainable”, something above him and almost more than human. This is why it’s so comic that in Don Quixote, which was a direct satire of chivalric romance, Alonso Quixano’s “lady love” is a vulgar peasant farmgirl who has no idea who he is. (Think of the way Spike asks if Buffy is tough in “School Hard” or threatens to “take her apart” despite “how brilliant she is” in “The Initiative”, followed by scenes where Buffy is acting like the teenage girl she is. Or how Giles in “Checkpoint” says that Buffy has “acquired a remarkable focus” before cutting to Buffy yawning.). Although it’s true that Buffy is beautiful, and supernatural, and profoundly moral, she is also very human, and the writing is very concerned with that humanity. Season five in particular, as I’ve mentioned, is preoccupied with the duality of Buffy’s mythic and mortal nature. Thus it becomes significant that Buffy is assigned such a heightened role in Spike’s chivalric narrative. Just Spike is at once Lancelot and Don Quixote, Buffy is at once Achilles, Dulcinea, and a coming-of-age protagonist.

And part of the “lesson” of Spike’s arc is for him to see both sides of the roles they embody. One of my favorite things about the scene in Buffy’s house in “The Gift” is how adroitly it conveys the dualities of both Buffy and Spike with simple, but poetic imagery and language. Buffy stands above Spike on her steps, conveying her elevated role, and Spike honors the way her heroic status has inspired him by physically looking up to her as he explains that he expects nothing from her. But by expecting nothing from her, and promising to protect her sister, he also honors the fact that she is a real person with no obligation to him, and a younger sister she cares about more than anything. He also honors his own duality by at once making Knightly promises, and acknowledging that he sees through his former delusions: “I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man.” In “Fool For Love” he tried to acknowledge the same duality of realism and romance, by declaring to Cecily that “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.” But at the time, he was an innocent, whose desire to be seen, and whose romantic avoidance of “dark, ugly things”, left him unprepared to understand how Cecily really saw him (similar to Spike’s insistence in “Crush” that what he and Buffy have “isn’t pretty, but it’s real” just before Buffy locks him out). Spike is a character defined simultaneously by continuous disillusionment and dogged aspiration, which is why he makes perfect sense as a character to embody a season torn between the pain of being human, and the wonder of the gift of love.

Fittingly, the season ends with Spike’s most devastating loss of innocence of all. He fails to be the hero for Buffy or Dawn (note that Knightly language he uses on the tower: “I made a promise to a lady”), and he loses the woman he loves. He may have become more virtuous, but unlike in a chivalric romance, that virtue wins him neither Buffy, nor something flattering like “world reknown.” The climax of the “The Gift” is full of romance—a god, a troll hammer, a damsel on a tower, a heroic self-sacrifice, a vampire transformed into a Knight—but the end result is that Buffy is dead, in part because he wasn’t good enough, and all that he and the Scoobies can do is grieve. Stories got Spike nothing, even when reality finally lived up to them. It is a swan song to the myths of childhood, and on the other side of Glory’s portal, Spike and the other characters will have to confront a world where those myths have been left behind.

part 4: “But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

#romanticism series #s5 #gen #buffy #spike #this section is deliberately focused on spike's arc #but not to worry #the next one focuses on buffy's side of things and the role of spike's arc in supporting buffy's in the last three seasons #they just needed their own sections to breathe #btvs

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roselightfairy · 4 years ago

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I’m rewatching Buffy s5 and having a lot of thoughts about Buffy, Riley, the Scoobies, and emotional support - as they are in the show and as they are viewed in fandom - and I’ve never been good at putting together meta in a structured, thought-out way but I’m going to blather them all at you here anyway.

What’s striking me so much about season 5 is how Riley is actually a very good boyfriend, practically speaking. In these early episodes, when Buffy is dealing with figuring out these things about Dawn, trying to be a better Slayer, and most importantly and especially her mom being sick, he is constantly showing up for her in practical ways: taking care of Dawn, holding her close, being a significant rock for her in ways she really needs it. But he’s meanwhile starting to spiral out because he wants to be more of a rock to her than he is, or wants her to be more vulnerable around him than she is, and doesn’t understand the ways he’s already doing #1 and the ways she honestly can’t allow herself to do #2. And because of this, he starts being less good at #1.

But I found myself surprisingly comparing him to the Scoobies in episode 8 (the one with the giant snake). In this episode, Buffy goes after Glory alone and Riley comes into the Magic Shop - after having dome something very helpful and practical, looking after Dawn, which Buffy desperately needed from him - wanting to follow her. And Xander calls him out - hard and very rightfully - for not really knowing what he’s looking for, even. Transcript from here:

XANDER: Yeah. Crazy. Going off alone, half-cocked, instead of waiting for much-needed backup ... charging in with a big old hand grenade ... oh, wait. Riley looks a little guilty. RILEY: This is different. XANDER: Yeah, it is. Buffy needs something she can fight, something she can solve. I don't know what kind of action you're looking for ... (looks closer at Riley) Do you?

This scene hit me hard because I realized - the Scoobies aren’t out there providing backup for Buffy. They’re in the Magic Shop, researching, because that’s the practical help she needs. They’re her backup and they’ve accepted it, because they know what she needs and what she needs is to fight alone. And I realized they take the same role with Joyce. They don’t try to talk to her, they don’t try to solve her emotional problems - they run backup, they look after Dawn, they bring silly presents to the hospital. They try to take care of things when she can’t. But none of them is her shoulder to cry on, because she won’t allow herself to break down in front of any of them. We see Riley being upset later on that she won’t break down in front of him, because he wants to be that shoulder for her - but it feels like the Scoobies have accepted that this is something she doesn’t want.

This also made me realize it’s been awhile since the Scoobies confided in one another, really. There was a definite decrease in s4, but I almost wonder if part of it started in s3, too, when there were the broken trust issues with Angel coming back. Buffy was seeing him in secret, not processing with them, because she knew they wouldn’t understand - and then when they find out, they all feel very betrayed because she didn’t tell them. Neither Xander nor Willow confesses to Buffy what they’ve been up to during the (cringe) cheating arc in s3. And while they are all talking about everything again by the end of the season, I wonder if some rifts started there that only continued into s4, when part of the arc of the season is the Scoobies all growing up and growing apart, learning to stand on their own and have pockets of their own lives that they don’t share with the others. They’re still a team, but there’s something in that emotional connection that has faded. And by this point in s5, they’ve all accepted it, but Riley hasn’t.

This meta actually isn’t about Riley. It’s about this aspect of Riley and what it reveals about the Scoobies - and why I think some fandom portrayals of the Scoobies in later seasons are a bit unfair. We see Buffy go through incredible trauma throughout the entire show - I mean, it gets dark really fast, and never lets up to the full extent we’d like for any kind of healing. Buffy is put through the fires again and again, and emerges sharper and harder each time. And the Scoobies - they’re all living their own lives, walking through their own fires, and they show up for her again and again but they can never fully understand, never fully be part of hers. And she doesn’t want them to. I think that’s what gets kind of overlooked sometimes - I understand the ways in which the Scoobies let Buffy down in later seasons, and that’s an attitude I see in fandom spaces sometimes. But I think what’s overlooked is that there’s a lot Buffy doesn’t tell them, a lot that she doesn’t want to let them in on. It might be a combination of protecting herself and protecting them, but it makes it harder and harder to break in. In s6, when everyone is in the pits of their personal struggles, it’s all they can do to keep their heads above water - and yet they’re still trying to offer practical assistance where they can, take care of Dawn (though often not well), research to fight the bad guys. In s7, they’re still not truly confiding in each other and yet they’re giving up everything to come help Buffy organize, to fix her house, to figure out what’s going on, to become full-time Slayer-sitters. (Potential-sitters just doesn’t have the same ring to it, okay?) And while I’m certainly not saying they’re perfect, I guess I’m just-- having feelings about the notion that they’re letting her down, because this pattern starts very early on, long before we are maybe ready to realize it.

I don’t know what this whole post was, or who it was defending, or what the point of it was at all, so I can’t make a TL;DR. But here are my thoughts; I hope you enjoyed them at least a little.

#btvs #buffy summers #riley finn #scoobies

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dirtydancingdean · 4 years ago

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something about how dean so completely parallels buffy summers from btvs like they are two iterations of the same character. i mean, buffy the vampire slayer is an undeniably a big influence on supernatural, even if the show itself wouldn’t exactly advertise that fact. you have sam’s sacrifice in swan song paralleling buffy’s sacrifice in the gift, the borrowing of a lot of demons and (god help me) lore, the weird amount of buffy actors in the show (sometimes playing vampires, which is hysterical), the campiness and horror. hell, even cas’s moment of pure happiness seems like a nod to angel’s moment of pure happiness. (dean and cas did it better though). but the biggest similarity is the way dean parallels buffy. he’s obviously not meant to. he’s supposed to be a gun-slinging, wise-cracking ladies man, but that’s not what he becomes. honestly that’s not even what he comes across as in the beginning. buffy and dean are both meant to be heroes, but buffy is the main character of her show, while that’s supposed to be sam in dean’s. and buffy and sam do share their similarities, particularly in their desire for normality which backfires on them because of their equally weighed desire to help people. but dean is so much more like buffy in so many ways?? like buffy, dean always feels everything is his responsibility (like he says in 7.05, “There’s always something eating at me. That’s who I am. something happens, I feel responsible, all right?”). this is largely in part thanks to j*hn winchester, while buffy’s sense of responsibility comes from the fact that a whole group of old white men have told her she’s the one girl in all the world who can fight evil. both of them kind of know on some level that this is kind of fucked up and even try attempting to fight back against their imposed duties occasionally. dean says it in 2.20: “Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right? But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero?” which is buffy to a t! that's what buffy is all about! the loneliness and unfairness of having this burden on your shoulders! buffy says this in prophecy girl: “I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.” but they both always, always go back to do their job. they both always sacrifice their own happiness for others. none of the writers would have intended to have dean make a speech that is entirely parallel to buffy summers’s prophecy girl speech, right down to both sarah michelle gellar and jackles’s tears. because ha ha, buffy is a girl hero, while dean is the embodiment of every male fantasy about what an action hero is.

the thing is, though, when you make dean every male fantasy in the world - attractive, good with women, tough, strong, likes rock music, hates chick flick moments, knows how to shoot a gun, looks good doing it, etc - you make him every male fantasy about women too. which is how we get those slow, full-body shots of dean that you normally only get with women, how we get dean being a caretaker, dean being a pacifier between sam and john, dean watching dirty dancing and liking taylor swift, dean always being the bait, dean’s interactions with villains being framed sexually, dean getting called pretty twice a season. we joke about dean being a hot action girl but he is often objectified in the particular way only women in media are. the way buffy is - in the show i think they actually did a pretty good job of not objectifying buffy. but there are times where they do, and it’s uncomfortable, and it’s subtle, the way it is on spn. and buffy and dean are both used to this kind of treatment; they often weaponize their sexuality, using it when they feel threatened. in the first episode of s2, buffy’s just suffered the enormous trauma of being resurrected after having been bitten by a vampire whose violence has sexual undertones. when she comes back to her friends, they talk about how closed off and mean she’s being, culminating in the scene where she goes to the bronze. if you haven't seen that scene then i dont know how to explain the way she absolutely uses her sexuality against xander and angel, just like dean uses his as a front to protect himself against everyone. when buffy’s traumatized she pushes herself away from those closest to her, represses her emotions, and uses fighting demons as a distraction. sound familiar? buffy and dean both make witty pop culture references that monsters don’t understand and self-deprecating jokes about themselves to deal with when they feel threatened and their low opinions of themselves. buffy has a lot of lines that sound just like dean’s! @lazarusr1sing mentioned buffy saying, “I may be dead, but I’m still pretty, which is more than I can say for you,” as a line that dean literally could have said and it’s true! they’re both a fan of quirky banter during fights but they’re both so messed up when it comes to their opinions of themselves. buffy in 7x07: “I have all this power. I didn't ask for it. I don't deserve it. It's like... I wanted to be punished. I wanted to hurt like I thought I deserved. [...] I feel like I'm worse than anyone. Honestly, I'm beneath them. My friends, my boyfriends. I feel like I'm not worthy of their love. 'Cause even though they love me, it doesn't mean anything cause their opinions don't matter. They don't know. They haven't been through what I've been through. [...] Sometimes I feel...this is awful. I feel like I'm better than them. Superior.” yeah, that’s...dean.

and they absolutely dive into self guilt and hatred if something goes wrong, even if it’s not necessarily their fault. faith in 3x15 says to buffy, “In the balance, nobody's gonna cry over some random bystander who got caught in the crossfire,” and buffy says, “I am.” the amount of trauma buffy and dean both go through kind of desensitizes them to this idea - dean especially, i think, though that’s mainly the fault of the sheer amount of writers and episodes supernatural has - but if they get someone killed, they will do absolutely anything to make up for it.

the idea of sympathetic monsters in buffy and supernatural is met with scorn a lot of the time by buffy and dean. for buffy this is a matter of mental self-preservation. her job is to kill demons, and if she lets herself think all demons can be good, then that means she might have been killing sentient beings that could have done good or weren’t doing harm, since she was a teenager. she can’t let herself think that way so she closes herself off to the possibility of demons being good a lot of the time. we talk about how supernatural majorly drops the ball when it comes to empathizing with the monsters (where’s that post, you know, the, “saving people, hunting things, white men with guns decide which is which,” post), but when it comes to dean, part of that is because, like buffy, he doesn’t want to face the idea that he’s been killing things that aren’t evil since he was a child. he’ll make exceptions (cas, crowley, benny, rowena), like buffy makes exceptions (angel, spike, clem, oz, anya), but it’s easier if it’s all black and white. they’re both strangely attracted to monsters too, though, because part of them feels like they are monsters themselves. like @s4castiel said they have romantic or romantically implied relationships with things they’re meant to fight - dean with benny, cas, and crowley + buffy with angel, spike, and faith. and monsters change themselves for buffy and dean’s sakes – cas, benny, crowley, angel, spike, all become better for the sake of buffy and dean! like that leviathan in 7.06 who says dean doesn’t have relationships he has applications for sainthood!

they hate the idea of being seen as just a killer (dean in 3.10, “Daddy knew what you were. Good soldier and nothing else,” and buffy in 5.22, “Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all.”) dean says, “[A killer] is not who I am,” to chuck in 15.19, just like buffy says, “A slayer is not a killer,” through the later seasons. spike’s speech in 5.07 i think, really says it: “Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later, it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it, not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after day, that final gasp, that look of peace.” their worst fear is that all they can do is hurt other people. they’ve been brought up to think violence is all they can do. but they both are first and foremost protectors, especially when it comes to sam and dawn, whose roles in both shows respectively is to be a reminder of dean and buffy’s humanity.

dawn, who first shows up in season 5 as buffy’s younger sister, is, represents buffy’s most beloved parts of herself, buffy’s humanity. sam is a lot like her in the respect that their destiny was to end the world; they’re both book-smart too, while buffy and dean act a lot like dumb blondes despite being incredibly intelligent in ways that aren’t clear to everyone. (not to go on a tangent but they’re both really good battle tacticians who make a lot of references to literature and tv shows and can perceive people and monsters’ weaknesses, etc.) dawn is dangerous to the world like sam is dangerous to the world in s2-s5, but buffy will not kill her like dean will not kill sam. you know how in the end 2009 dean realizes just how much 2014 dean has changed when he talks about killing sam as lucifer? sam is dean’s humanity like dawn is buffy’s humanity. they both put their siblings over everything else in the world. they sacrifice things that sam and dawn can’t begin to understand because dean and buffy shield them from it - dean in 2.22: “I had to take care of you. It’s my job,” and buffy in 6.14: “Dawn, the most important job that I have is looking out for you.” in s5 of buffy, if dawn lives, the world ends, and buffy doesn’t care because she can’t kill dawn. in 5.22 she says, “I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that...I just wish my mom was here. [..] If Dawn dies, I’m done with it. I’m quitting,” paralleling dean quitting hunting after sam dies. they’re both insanely protective over dawn and sam - dean in 2.09: “You make a move on [Sam], you'll be dead before you hit the ground,” and buffy in 5.22: “I’ll kill anyone who comes near Dawn.” when sam dies in 2.22, dean doesn’t hesitate to offer up his soul in exchange for sam’s life; when dawn is about to die to save the world in 5.22, buffy doesn’t hesitate to die to save the world in dawn’s place. this all on top of the fact that sam and dawn are the babies, the ones dean and buffy have to take care of, which means that...no one is taking care of dean and buffy. like, dean in 3.10: “Sam, [John] doted on. Sam he loved,” and buffy’s mom in 5.05 hugging dawn and calling her “little punkin belly” and in response to buffy’s question of, “Did you ever have any names for me?” says, “No, I think you were always just Buffy.” when buffy’s mom gets sick in s5, buffy has to shoulder an incredible amount of responsibility - giving her mom her medicine, taking care of her, taking care of dawn, fighting a hellgod - and can’t break down in front of anyone because she has to be strong for dawn and her mom, the way dean has to be strong for sam and john (john in 2.01: “You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once.) they’re both so scared of opening up and being a burden - buffy’s nightmare hallucination of her deadbeat dad in 1.10 says the same kind of stuff about her being a burden and unwanted that zachariah’s projection of mary says in 5.16. it really is about the eldest sister complex in the end!!!

but they didn’t ever really mean to have dean be like buffy! buffy was literally meant to subvert traditional male action heroes. buffy summers is the male action hero, but she gets to have feelings and traditionally feminine traits too. she likes cheese and wearing pink and dressing up and having pretty hair, but she thinks about battle tactics and kills a vampire like every episode. dean? dean is meant to be the male action hero without the part about having feelings and traditionally feminine traits...except that backfires spectacularly. i mean, they give dean traits such as liking nightgowns to be like haha, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, isn’t that HILARIOUS. except it doesn’t come off that way, we know it doesn’t come off that way. so dean’s watched dead poets society and rent and he sings along to air supply and is good with kids and nerds out over cowboys, but he drives a classic muscle car and kills death and carries a gun with him everywhere he goes. dean and buffy both become multifaceted, complicated, human heroes – but it was intentional for buffy. it was unintentional for dean, so the narrative actively punishes him for it. i mean ymmv on how you feel about the ending of buffy, but she does get a satisfying happy ending. dean, on the other hand, is silenced and killed off and gets the worst possible ending for his character, all because they couldn’t control him.

#this is not coherent at ALL im so sorry #but #*blows a kiss* for all my dean girls in love with buffy!#supernatural #buffy the vampire slayer #mine #buffynatural

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prose-for-hire · 4 years ago

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UC Sunnyhell: Part Two

Hell is a place on Earth

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Pairing: Spike x reader

Request: College AU where Spike is the campus bad boy who secretly is a softie that writes poems and reader is the new transfer who just moved into Spike's apartment since it was the only available room on campus (no one wants to willingly live with Spike). Spike constantly having one night stands over, reader always trying to study. Things appear to go from bad to worse.

Originally requested by: @sunflower-stan

Other tag: @fictionalhoomanofnowhere

Warning: Sex references. Swearing.

The first semester had been and gone by this point. You were settling into life at UC Sunnydale, found your friendship group in Buffy and the others. But one thing you still weren’t accustomed to, was living with Spike. He was hard to get along with at the best of times but living with him was a whole different thing.

He appeared to stay up most of the night and sleep well into the afternoon. He played loud punk music almost every waking hour and he smoked like a chimney. He never appeared to listen to a word you said and he pretty much did the opposite from whatever you said or thought anyway.

It was becoming really hard to live with him. Especially when he seemed to do everything he could to make you want to move out. He found it easier to live alone. To hide in the depths of what he knew than

Because of your current living situation you had started to branch out and pursue some of your interests. It beat staying in all the time and you really wanted to find someone that you could relate to.

You were a fan of musicals and the theatre. Poetry and literature. You liked reading and the way a writer could weave such intricate feelings. Scenes and spoken word able to explain your own feelings better than you ever could.

Your new friends didn’t really share your enthusiasm – even Willow was more into science and computers. Although your friend group were kind enough to listen to the way you spoke about your interests. They certainly didn’t make you feel bad about expressing your passions. But they just didn’t share your love and so you began to try to search out people that you could connect with. On some kind of deeper level.

You had been frequenting different bars that held open mic nights. Watching plays and listening to monologues. Letting the intricate wordplay wash over you. It could make you feel so many emotions. So many feelings were conjured.

Your favourite were the open mic nights. You pretty much never got up yourself, you usually would just listen. You were working yourself up to performing something of your own. You wrote things too it was just a matter of working on your performing skills. You were thinking of joining the clubs, maybe to improve your confidence in your writing. In your performing.

You walked back home from a play you had watched (and cried at) to find Spike sat there scribbling something. It was the first time you had ever seen him actually writing or appearing to do any work.

You were about to make a snide comment about it and then he noticed your presence. He almost jumped five feet in the air in surprise. He then hid the notebook behind his back and immediately got up to leave now you had returned. He left muttering something about you being a nosy bitch.

Spike had taken the opportunity, while he finally had time where he felt comfortable since you had actually left the house for once to write. This was something he didn’t like people knowing about. He wiped his eye as he stormed away. Hoping to God you hadn’t seen that. He couldn’t bear you knowing him that way. Laughing.

It was Friday evening and you had some friends over. There was a sudden knock at the front door. Spike had taken a baseball bat from his room and held it up as if he was ready to swing it.

Willow and Buffy’s eyes bulged at the object in his hand as they peaked from your bedroom doorway. Buffy was pleased they had convinced you to come to self-defence class now.

He walked slowly to the door, meeting you in the hallway skipping happily past him. He grabbed you back looking at you as if you were mad. He was expecting debt collectors. Again.

“Spike, it’s the pizza guy” You moved your shoulder from him before carrying on back to the door with the dollars in your hand, “What is wrong with you?” you muttered.

He scowled, jaw tensing as Buffy and Willow giggled at the way he had been so tense and he stormed away smacking the edge of the bat against the wall in his frustration. Leaving a small hole there.

You brought the pizzas back into your room (so you didn’t have to face spike again) and shared them out with your friends.

After you finished your meal and managed to calm yourselves down from whatever had just happened, talk of course turned back to Spike.

“So how is it… y’know…” Willow asked before mouthing “with Spike”. You hadn’t realised how much built up rage you had inside until you launched into your conversation.

“Well, I can tell you that Hell really is a place on Earth”

“That bad?”

“I can’t believe I’m stuck with him – if I even breath in his direction he has a problem with it!”

“Yeah, he’s always been a complete pig. Some people are just born evil” Buffy shrugged.

“Buffy! He’s not evil! He’s just… mean spirited”

“In the most evil way” Buffy added. She had never liked Spike. He was cruel and treated her as if she was dumb just because she was in a sorority and enjoyed cheerleading.

What you and the two girls didn’t realise, was that Spike was eavesdropping. You had all been laughing really loud and he was about to take his chance to kick Buffy and her little loser friend out. Until he found he was interested to hear what you all had to say about him.

You groaned, thinking about the way things had been. You needed to vent. So, you took the chance while you were in the company of your now closest friends.

“He’s inconsiderate and rude and also I’m pretty sure he never washes his clothes... but he always smells good. Weird”

“Totally weird”

“Well, we did like, warn you”

“And oh my God! He walks around naked all the time! There’s always some stranger he’s brought home and they are always so loud! He never studies and the plates are always piled high in the kitchen! It’s disgusting – he’s disgusting!”

“He’s always been so arrogant and gross”

“Hey, don’t wig, next year we can find a place. The four of us – right Buffy?” Willow offered, including her girlfriend. She comforted you as you caught your breath from your outburst. Willow rested her hand on your shoulder to reassure you.

“Really?” You asked with a smile as Buffy nodded. She was going to move out from her sorority so she wasn’t distracted for her last year she had already decided.

“Don’t worry, y/n. We’ll keep you sane” Buffy insisted.

Spike scoffed. The way Buffy acted as if she was saving you from him. As if he was a fate worse than death. You angered him. The way you had determined his character over a few fleeting conversations. The gossip your silly little friends told you.

You became enemy number one. Even more so than you had been before. He hated gossip and the way people would laugh behind his back. You reminded him of this every time he looked at you now, not that you knew this.

The annoyance for the other just kept growing. Yours had originally been fuelled by your friends rumours, but his actions were now getting worse. Spike was seething at your dismissive tone against your character. He didn’t even want a roommate, he only agreed the landlord to put the room up so he didn’t put up the rent again.

So he decided to try and make you leave. Properly this time. He didn’t care anymore, you reminded him of everyone out there. Everyone that he hid himself away from. Distanced himself from.

The tension rose uncomfortably. He was more rude. More gross. And he made sure to do everything he knew that he could to annoy you. It was petty, he knew it, but he knew it would get a rise out of you.

One afternoon, you had been scraping off some congealed red liquid that you had been concerned was blood. He hung out with a weird crowd, you only hoped some poor thing hadn’t been exploded in there. Although, upon further inspection it appeared to be tomato soup. But you would probably embellish the story a little to your friends.

You washed your hands and scowled at him. He had moved to lean against the doorway and just watch you clean.

“God, Spike, you’re so lazy”

“’Scuse me?”

“You don’t clean, you don’t study – what exactly do you do with your life?”

He was affronted by this. By the way you spoke to him. How he felt like you acted like you were better than him. In your frustration you didn’t care what he thought. He just didn’t care. You were trying to live your life.

He could hear Buffy or even Angel’s voice through your own. The way they had always berated him.

“And what? I should be like you? You’re not exactly making a proper go of it are you? Haven’t seen you do much of anything ‘cept follow them brainless bints around the shop. When you’re not doing that you sit in your room as life passes you by, livin’ through your little Musical shows rather than living in the real world - You’re boring. You’ll live your pathetic little life, stuck in your lame little ways until you die”

“Spike-”

“You’re all the same! You and your preppy little band of misfits looking down your noses at everyone and yet you can’t see the obvious, can you? You’re so bored with your pathetic, frigid little lives that you have to make it my bloody problem!”

You decided, seeing as that’s how he viewed you that you would treat him exactly like that. Like he treated you. Things got worse.

He started to invite people over all the time. You would call it a party but there was nothing celebratory about it. You were confined to your room most of the time as they all laughed and screamed along to their music. They were always drinking and playing music no matter what time of the day you saw them.

You usually avoided them, locking your door, but you had needed to slip out of your room for a moment.

“Who’s this?” One of the guests pointed you out as you tried to make it to the bathroom without anybody noticing you. Now everyone’s eyes were on you.

“Oh don’t mind them, they’re just for show hasn’t had an original thought their entire life” Spike shrugged.

“Aw, no, Spike. Another mindless automaton” One of his friends spoke up and he laughed. It was a cold laugh, there was no humour in it.

“Do you, like, want to-”

“Don’t, love. They’re nobody” Spike stopped the blonde girl from speaking to you more kindly than the rest. They all laughed at this and began to tease you.

You left, slamming the door and you heard them laughing, jeering at you for your reaction. It made tears sting the back of your eyes. You collected yourself, shrugging on your jacket. You walked to a place you knew you would be welcome.

You knew that you weren’t going to get on. But this was getting out of hand. You hated him. Hated the way he treated you. The way he judged you, despite him knowing exactly how that feels.

As you thought this, he appeared to be thinking the same thing. Which made Spike scoff and frown. Was he really better than any of the people he hated? He shook that thought away. Downing his beer and looking for another rather than reflect.

You had called Buffy on your way over and she had been quick to contact the entire group to tell them there had been a major incident. Everyone piled around to her dorm room so that they could support you. You had sounded upset on the phone.

You explained everything that had happened and they all comforted you the best that they could. Xander then showed you the stack of films he had brought to try to cheer you up. He had even found some Musicals just for you.

Buffy explained that she had called Angel but he says he’s sorry but he’s busy right now. Buffy appeared disappointed and when you asked her about it she explained. They used to date when they were seniors in college but they had broken up despite still both having feelings for each other.

She explained it had seemed the right thing to do at the time, but now she wished they were back together. You insisted that you would make it your mission to help them get back together which made Buffy grin at you. She really did value your friendship.

As the night wore on your friends began to discuss the idea of you taking your revenge on Spike. It had made you laugh as they suggested ridiculous pranks and ideas that wouldn’t bother him at all. But then they began to take it more seriously. Insisting that you should get even.

You said you weren’t sure. And left it at that. But they thought you had better do something or he wouldn’t stop.

You eventually went back to a trashed house after staying for the weekend with Buffy. You stared at the mess. Maybe you would have to do something.

It had been unusually quiet the few days prior and you should have known better than to hope he had stopped. You had heard a girl, one of Spike’s partners that came around more than most (Harmony but her sex noises were nothing close to harmonious). She explained that if they were to have a threesome it would have to be boy-boy-girl. Apparently, neither of them had been able to swing Charlize Theron.

You had overheard this conversation over breakfast one morning on. A rare occasion they were both awake (they hadn’t gone to sleep yet). You had immediately spat out your food in disgust of their blunt discussion.

It had been perhaps in slight exaggeration but you felt like you were allowed. You were fine with people having sex and having fun but you really didn’t want to have to hear about it over your breakfast. They could have at least let you rub the sleep from your eyes first.

He had scoffed at you at the time and now he had set this up seemingly just to rub you up the wrong way. As opposed to the right ways he was rubbing his partners.

He tried to push the thought down that this had been solely planned because of you. With you in mind. To get a reaction from you. Because that would start him questioning his intentions. His actions. How you made him so angry it was now near obsessive.

So, it appeared they had finally agreed on the logistics of it. And were now giving you a live audio performance. On some random Thursday afternoon just as you had settled down to study.

You swore they were doing it on purpose. Being as loud as possible just to get a rise out of you.

You pounded on the door. You could smell sex from where you were stood out on the landing. He opened the door and stale cigarette smoke appeared to pour out of the room with him. He had opened the door almost immediately. As if he had been waiting.

“Spike!”

“Problem, pet?”

“I don’t care that you’re having sex, the walls are just so thin – I have an exam coming up can you just be quiet? Or go to one of your, uh, friends’ houses…”

“Mm, someone’s jealous”

“I’m not-”

“Just ‘cause you’re not bloody gettin’ any” He prodded before he thought about it a moment, changing tac, “Oh no. I know what this is… You want me, you need me…” He teased, knowing it would make you flustered.

“I just- I just want to-”

“If you wanted a taste all you had to do was ask” He smirked, moving his hips slightly and moving his head smugly along with his words. Drawing your attention to his naked form. The people in his bed were calling him back and you were just staring at each other. All he was wearing was a single silver chain around his neck. He was attractive, you couldn’t deny this and he knew it too.

You were both furious at each other. Silently trying to gain the upper hand.

“You’re a pig, Spike!” You suddenly screamed, stepping towards him angrily. Which made him smile and just close the door in your face. That was what he had wanted. To get such a big emotional response from you.

You were so angry you threw one of your precious book at his now slammed shut door. He winced at the name you had used, one often used against him by people like Buffy. She even managed to get to him in his own home. You angered him. You angered him.

But he turned back and the noises started up again and you knew for sure that they were doing it on purpose now. It was getting louder and louder. He couldn’t be that fucking good, you were sure of it.

You ran into your room and rummaged through the stack of CDs you had brought with you, selecting the perfect accompaniment. The soundtrack from your favourite musical. You turned the volume up fully and let the entire score play out.

You never wanted to see his stupid smug face again.

#UC sunnyhell #Spike btvs #Spike x reader #Spike imagine #Spike x you #btvs #btvs x reader #btvs imagine #btvs x you #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #buffy the vampire slayer imagines #gender neutral #gn #college au

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initiumseries · 3 years ago

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*Unpopular opinion: i think Faith is a good character but at the same time she is not. The writers didn't use her character to the fullest like they did with Spike

Spike has what people want for Faith/ want her to be

So, I think it might be more accurate to say that Faith was a good idea, with poor execution.

This might not be 100% coherent, but let's run with it. The concept of the "dark" side of slaying, and thus the "dark" side of Buffy, is a potentially fun concept. In season 4 there's the concept of the "Id" and the 'ego' and that's when Buffy turns into a cave woman. It would've been interesting to see that level of commitment to her descent to the "dark side" by the time we hit Bad Girls. Most of Faith and Buffy's interactions are Faith trying to connect with Buffy, and Buffy pushing her away, and Buffy only ever really engaging with Faith when someone else (Willow, Giles, Joyce) push her to actually try to connect or reach out. Even when Buffy expresses concern about Faith not really spending time with them, she doesn't do anything about it. So if Faith is supposed to be the Iago to Buffy's Othello, then we should see Buffy becoming less and less stringent and rigid and by the time we hit Bad Girls, we see Buffy *completely* give in so this point, is believable and makes sense:

And Faith as a character is basically just a foil for Buffy. The bones are there, she's the opposite of Buffy; wild, out of control, emotional, impulsive and hypersexual. Cool. Then they give her a backstory with losing her Watcher, that's great. But, things don't really hold up later. When she and Angel are preparing to torture Buffy, she's going off abut how Sunnydale was supposed to be her town. Why would she think that? She came to Sunnydale *knowing* another Slayer was already there.

So why was she upset? After killing the Mayor's aid we spend a lot of time with Buffy and how she feels about it, she has nightmares and is quiet and withdrawn. But we spend 0 time on faith after she tells Buffy she doesn't feel anything. We see her go back to the body, but because we don't get into her psychology, everything she does from that moment seems to be solely in service of the plot. She and Angel have had 0 scenes alone until she's already working for the Mayor, and while in *theory* I could understand Faith leaning into actually single white femaling Buffy, which is great foreshadowing from earlier. But because her interest in Angel prior to this moment had wholly been theoretical. Faith flirted with Scott Hope but after he dumps Buffy, Faith deliberately embarrasses him FOR Buffy. This interaction is right before Faith tries to seduce him.

And then suddenly she's COMPLETELY into Angel and the fact that he's with her and not Buffy? Why? It'd be different if it was just a task she was accomplishing for the Mayor, but taking Angel's soul and then getting with him is supposed to indicate "how far gone" she is, except there's no real reason for Faith to be doing any of this.

After she kills the Mayor's aid. Why does she think her only option is going to the Mayor? I can understand her being angry at Buffy for trying to "save" her by potentially getting her in trouble. But The Mayor is so left and really shouldn't have being her SECOND step after accidental homicide. And then, she's SO angry at Buffy. For what? Resenting her for having the perfect life and the friends and the boyfriend...sure, but again, after their first rocky intro, we never see any inkling Faith still cares about those things. Just that she's insecure about *her* situation. Until this:

And now I guess she's just a full blown killer now.

And so much of Faith's interiority is narrated through Angel especially and sometimes Buffy and it would've been a lot better character development if they SHOWED us her descent rather than narrating it. Angel saying. "she's taken a life, she's got a taste for it now." Should be confirmation, not an explanation. We should be seeing Faith spiral, and not feeling supported before she even gets to the Mayor. But we don't.

So yeah, Faith was a cool idea, and had some interesting story moments but not enough for me to feel like she was really a part of the main storyline, and getting any of the real development she needed for me to really believe her choices post mayor's aid.

#btvs s3 #buffy the vampire slayer #faith lehane #buffy summers

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willowrosenboob · 4 years ago

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Def Mood on the whole part about bangel's wedding being played for drama and angst but also, for me one of the main reasons is because even with all of their scenes together, their dynamic still felt underwhelming when you take out all the dramatic angst scenes? Like sure ok I will sit through seasons 1 2 and then 3 while I watch them but I always end up liking their conversation more in season 7 which is ironic, given that it feels kind of thrown in, but it's also just one where it felt like both were more or less on an equal footing to me. Buffy was older and a lot more experienced while being a slayer, she didn't take Angel's crap when he was jealous of Spike, but she was also honest about her feelings in general towards him. I guess part of the reason why I liked it is because it didn't feature Angel having more say in what happens to them, but Buffy does for once, since he was the one that broke them up in season 3 and then in "I Will Remember You", and while I don't think it was necessarily bad, since it did end up being a good choice for him to go his own way, it still felt a bit unbalanced to me bc again, Buffy had no real say in it. And I can never really be into the season 5 scene either (when Joyce dies) mainly because it just feels like Buffy is in mourning, and she's trying to cling onto the one thing she previously knew and felt something intensely for.

I know you just made that post to highlight one reason and that's def valid, so I hope this doesn't come off as me correcting you bc I also agree.

don’t worry, I really appreciate that I get a lot of long opinionated asks. it’s a lot of fun to talk about btvs. it is my favourite show after all. and I’m always honoured when people wanna send their opinions to me 💖

as for what you said about bangel, I don’t really have a big problem with the wedding dream other than my own personal distaste towards most weddings, but I get finding them a bit boring together. in my first watch through I barely thought about them at all. and especially in season 3, their relationship can be downright confusing. I used to always forget when they were dating and when they weren’t, cause they were always flip flopping between two extremes.

honestly I’m really surprised you like the chosen scene. it always bothered me how the kiss came out of nowhere, and joss & co were obviously trying to throw both bangel and spuffy shippers a bone without fully committing to one or the other. but honestly I do love how mature buffy is in that scene. and seeing her be so confident in her identity in a way she’s never been before. I actually liked the forever scene a lot. I liked that buffy could take comfort in something familiar, even if just for a while. also it was the only post s3 angel cameo that I didn’t found completely out of character when I first watched btvs.

honestly I always felt like their relationship was very unequal. it’s certainly not equivalent to what a real life relationship between a teenager and a 20 something would look like, but I always felt like angel had more autonomy and choices in the relationship, and there’s lots of evidence that he still viewed her as a kid (remember when he straight up called her a brat? big ole yikes there). it’s not a coincidence that buffy broke it off with angel twice in s3 and spent a lot of time trying to avoid him, but it’s angel who actually gets the last say. and he did it in such a shitty way too. I think he was in the right to break up with her, since their relationship was clearly doomed, and he actually became his own person once he left sunnydale, but he used such self righteous reasoning, and he made buffy’s struggles all about him (like in s2 when Buffy said she wanted a normal life and angel was like “before me” 🤡🤡). it was good for angel, but it was not good for buffy. he told her he wanted her to have a normal relationship, and you know what she did? she immediately rushed into a relationship with a normal guy and got hurt. buffy was way more vulnerable in their relationship than angel was, and I just can’t find myself to care about angel as much as I care about buffy in their dynamic.

honestly I have so much to say about their power dynamic. it’s not even the age gap, it’s just that angel has so much baggage that he dumps on this teenage girl without caring about the emotional consequences for her. also all the ‘old man angel’ jokes on ats just make me sideeye their relationship even more. and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I feel like angel traumatized buffy way more than spike did. before s6 spike was pretty much just a nuisance that was rarely taken seriously, and even in s6 buffy was already going through some tough shit. he really only made up a small part of her struggles. compared with the stuff with angelus that made buffy feel like loving her was dangerous and synonymous with death. over the years she felt so much shame for her decisions (that were not her fault at all), and her experience with angel overshadowed her relationships in a way that is not romantic at all (I hate how some people romanticize buffy struggling to tell her love interests she loves them, as if it’s because she’s still in love with angel and not because she’s scared that being vulnerable in that way again will only lead to suffering for both her and everyone around her). and obviously a lot of it isn’t his fault, but it unfolds in a way that makes me really fall on buffy’s side.

so yeah. I have Many Thoughts ™ about this, which is weird cause I honestly don’t dislike bangel half of the time. I think a lot of their scenes are cute, and I sometimes get wrapped up in the dramatic romance too. but they had some major problems, and I just really dislike the idea of them ending up together. they’re just such different people at the end of their respective shows, and maybe if they had a fresh start they could make it work, but buffy had so many of her insecurities tied up in her relationship to angel that I just don’t think they could ever get past that. even if buffy herself gets over it, there’s always gonna be that implication that their relationship only leads to pain, and I don’t want that for buffy. that’s why a lot of my preferred buffy ships involve more internal conflict. it leaves room for them to change and grow together, not forcing them to be apart, and having to deal with the wreckage by themselves

#answers #anonymous #anti bangel #ooh boy I hope that tag doesn’t become common for me kshgddhdgd #but thank you. I really do love getting messages like this #it’s just a lot of fun <3

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maybeacrowdedmind · 3 years ago

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My Top Seven Favorite Musical Moments In Shows That Aren't Musically Driven* and why (in no particular order)**

*By not musically driven I mean shows that do not have plots driven by music (i.e. Glee, Smash, etc. etc.)

**I know I said top seven, but I just mean out of the many I have seen, these seven are the ones I like the most.

Note: None of the images used are mine; they belong to various internet gods.

Legacies Season 1 Episode 11: We're Gonna Need a Spotlight

Kaleb and the Vampire faction singing "Feeling Good" by Nina Simone at the Salvatore School talent show.

While the entirety of the talent show was amazing (Kaylee Bryant's singing voice, Raf's slightly awkward yet still appropriately dramatic poetry), it was Kaleb and the vampires who stole the show. Chris Lee has an incredible voice and his rendition of Nina Simone's "Feeling Good" was stunning, both visually and vocally. I'm also a great lover of epic dance moves, so it was no contest.

Gilmore Girls Season 7 Episode 20: Lorelai? Lorelai?

Lorelai singing "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton originally (Whitney Houston covered) at Stars Hollow karaoke to Luke, despite beginning the song as a dedication to Rory.

Lorelai and Luke may be broken up, but Lorelai's beautiful (and slightly alcohol-fueled) version of Dolly Parton's kind of cheesy yet nonetheless tender "if you love someone, set them free" ballad that was later made into an iconic cover by Whitney Houston was proof that they'd never really be over. Sure, she says she's singing it to Rory, but the moment Luke walks in and they lock eyes, everyone knows. Lauren Graham also has a good voice, and the emotion that comes through is so real, a cheesy karaoke moment becomes a heartfelt cheesy karaoke moment.

Everything's Gonna Be Okay Season 1 Episode 5: West African Giant Black Millipedes

Nicholas doing a drag queen routine to Thelma Houston's disco hit "Don't Leave Me This Way" for Alex and his friends.

Okay, so I love this scene so much, because not only is it done to an incredibly fun song, it also showcases Nicholas doing something so utterly entertaining for Alex and a bunch of people he was nervous about meeting. The fact that just a few days before watching this episode I had watched an episode of Ru Paul's Drag Race where two queens had to lip sync for their lives to the very same song made the scene that much more enjoyable to watch. Nicholas looks amazing, his dance moves are to die for, and his lip syncing game is strong. I also appreciated the fact that when he did this scene, Josh Thomas committed to it. The scene is done in full, not going for a bit and then fading out before we get to see the end. Also, I know that Nicholas isn't technically singing, but it still totally counts.

The Magicians Season 1 Episode 4: The World in the Walls

Quentin starting up a group sing-along to Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" to get Penny's attention in the mental hospital while under Julia and Marina's spell.

I just started watching this show after having read the first two books, and this scene was HILARIOUS! I loved that the show used a random interaction between Quentin and Penny from a previous episode and turned it into something more because usually shows ignore one-off interactions between characters. Also, Quentin singing off-key at the top of his lungs with everyone else joining in and dancing while Penny suddenly hears it in the real world was so funny and a huge break in an otherwise extremely dramatic and rather dark episode.

Skam Season 2 Episode 3: Er det noe du skjuler for oss? (Are You Hiding Someone From Us?)

Noora singing Extreme's "More Than Words" on William's guitar, initially doing so to make fun of him, but quickly turning into a super sweet and romantic moment between the two.

Skam is another show I started watching recently, and Noora quickly became one of my favorite characters. Now, I'll admit, I wasn't too fond of the idea of William and Noora at first, but this scene changed my mind immediately. I'm also very into the whole "enemies to lovers" thing these two have with one another. All of the songs Noora sings in this scene are good, but "More Than Words" is the one where you really begin to see that William's feelings for Noora are not as one-sided as she says they are. Josefine Frida Petterson, who plays Noora, has an absolutely beautiful voice, and the vocalization and soft musicality throughout are stunning. This is one of my favorite scenes in this show to date, and everything about it was perfect.

New Girl Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot

Coach, Schmidt, and Nick singing "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life" by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes from Dirty Dancing to Jess, who eventually joins in, after her date stands her up.

Poor Jess had just broken up with her boyfriend, moved into an apartment with three guys who have little to know emotional know-how when it comes to women, and had her first date since her breakup stand her up at a fancy restaurant. The situation was made worse by the fact that she was told to give up her table. When the boys showed up and claimed to be her boyfriends, it was sweet, but the moment they began singing "(I've Had) The Time Of My Life", they showed that they really did care about her. What makes this scene so funny is the fact that Nick (who begins it) and Coach (who joins in after Nick elbows him) don't really know the words, they're both singing different parts in different tunes at different volumes, and then Schmidt (who initially says he's not singing), comes out of nowhere belting the song with the correct words and tune. Then Jess joins in and they have a great time until the restaurant makes them leave. They head back to the apartment, watch Dirty Dancing, and show that any problem can be solved with good friends and 80s movies.

Angel Season 2 Episode 11: Redefinition

Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn sing "We Are The Champions" by Queen at Caritas after Angel fires them.

Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn had just been fired by Angel so he could kill Darla and Drusilla without their interference and the trio was at a loss for what to do next. Angel Investigations was disbanded, and none of them had any clue what to do about it. Their solution? Terribly sing Queen's "We Are The Champions" at Lorne's bar Caritas and drown their sorrows. While an extremely short scene, Cordy, Wes, and Gunn's reaction to being fired was super relatable, and you can never go wrong with Queen. They also have three very different personalities; Cordelia is snarky, has a lot of wit, and tends to be rather superficial, but she has so much heart beneath the surface, Wesley is a stuffy English professor type, and being a former Watcher means he couldn't be hip and cool if he tried, and Gunn is a hardened vampire hunter with a strong resolution and loyal to the core, who was still relatively new to the group when Angel gave them the boot. As such, seeing them all be together with arms around shoulders singing their hearts out was immensely fun to see.

Honorable Mentions:

Legacies: Alaric singing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" terribly off-key before Kaleb and Cleo swooped in and saved the day with their improvised song.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Giles Singing "Free Bird" while playing his guitar in his home.

How I Met Your Mother: Lily and Marshall singing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" at karaoke, effectively making up after Marshall accepts a corporate job rather than one that fits his morals.

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ifeveristoday · 3 years ago

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I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

#a bit later #but here it is #saff rewatches buffy

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lilydalexf · 4 years ago

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sarah Ellen Parsons

Sarah Ellen Parsons has 18 X-Files stories at Gossamer and 19 at AO3. If you want high quality fic with interesting characters, go read her stories. Some of my favorites of her fics are The Crouching Thing and My Constant Touchstone Who Makes Me A Whole Person (which are two very different stories!). Big thanks to Sarah Ellen for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

With today's binge-watching culture, I'm not at all surprised. You can watch a bunch of eps and then seek out fic that is where you are in the series.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I took away a writer's group Yes, Virginia, that is still together. Mostly as friends, but whenever I write something, or someone else writes something, it's the first place we all run for machete beta. I have betad SO MANY novels.

We have a number of folks who are published writers since then and our time in X-Files fic brought us lifelong friendships IRL and made us all better at our craft. The majority of those folks were better writers than I am. And I make my living as a writer in my day-job.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I belonged to a couple of the largest lists and posted there and bitched about the show on usenet with everyone else. We had our own Yahoo group for beta. We all had crappy GeoCities websites that we programmed the HTML for ourselves and hooked through various fandom link circles to get traffic to our stories. But the main method of distribution was the lists.

Fun fact, I found a free page counter thing that I used at work one time through fandom. So fandom pays off in skillz.

Even without social media, we managed to get our stories in front of readers who would enjoy them. Where there's a will, there's always someone ready to step up and find a way.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Again, I have lifelong friends IRL that I got solely from fanfiction. That's the best takeaway.

Fandom disappointed me because it, like everything else, is ruined by people's egos, backstabbing, and petty people who get in positions of power and then use those positions to punch down or dictate. I was young when I was writing X-Files and I still had hope that people would rise to their better natures, so I got involved in various futile efforts to try to make people behave the way I wanted them to behave, I guess. I did a lot of public bitching that didn't serve me or my friends well. I now put that effort into politics, where it does actual good.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

X-files was made for me. It combined science fiction, mystery, horror. I love all of those genres. Plus there was Scully. No matter how sexist that writer's room was, Scully was awesome. But you kept seeing bad writing. Even in the heyday seasons, like Season 3, there were really terrible eps that made you want to fix things.

I'm a lifelong speculative fiction fan and a published feminist science fiction author. I actually was published before I fell down the fic hole. I got involved in fanfic due to getting my fantasy novel turned down from every major publisher for being "too dark". And I needed to get readers to see my stuff to prove to myself that I wasn't terrible at writing. I got a ton of feedback and it was like market research to see what people wanted to read.

My time in fanfiction made me 100% a better writer than I was.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I went to the X-Files Expo to see if I could make contact with someone from Harper Collins because the tie-in novels sucked so hard. I got rejected with my pitch as I didn't have a literary agent.

Around that time, a pal who I watched X-Files with IRL was looking for a free X-files wallpaper for her work computer when she found the website where fans in Pennsylvania had fic archived. She read some and wrote to me - "you need to see this, and you can do better." So I started reading and was.... I probably CAN do better. So I wrote The Batman Plot. And made two friends I'm still friends with with that one story.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Nonexistent. I couldn't even watch the latest season and I saw only 2 of season one of whatever that was before I gave up. I have never watched the second movie.

X-files is my first fandom bad ex-husband. I loved it SO MUCH, but it betrayed me.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I was deep into Harry Potter for a while, but I didn't end up publishing anything in it. All my stories were novel-length and I was writing so much for work, I never completed anything. I called Snape/Lily when Prisoner of Azkaban was published and got Jossed by Rowling in one of my big ideas. (This is bad fandom ex-husband 2. JKR will never get a dime of money from me again because of her hateful stance on transfolk. I have RL friends who are trans and NO.)

I wrote fic in Supernatural. It was the obvious next thing after X-Files. However, the misogyny and bringing in all the Angel/Devil Christofascist stuff lost me. The ep where they declared all other religions other than Christianity as invalid and killed a Hindu god made me stop watching for good. I know enough Christofascists IRL that I can't tolerate it in my fiction. (Bad fandom ex-husband 3)

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

This list is far too long to actually make. But characters I spent time writing about include: Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Co. (I wrote three unpublished Star Trek novels before I found online fandom). King Arthur and Morgan Le Fay, Sherlock Holmes (I wrote a Sherlock Holmes play after seeing "Crucifer of Blood" and entered it in a national competition, where I got very nice comments back.), Mulder, Scully and Krycek, Rowling's Hermione and Snape (like him or not, its masterful characterization), Dean and Sam Winchester, John Winchester and Bobby Singer. I wrote one comedy story starring Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A couple of Roswell stories under a different name. Catwoman and Batman. I have some unpublished Avengers fanfic lying around as I'm an OG Marvel fan with a massive comic collection.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I was on a business trip a few years ago and FX had a marathon and I watched part of it when I was in my hotel room. Early seasons are comforting, but I don't go back there now.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don't read X-Files fic anymore. I read a tiny bit of Star Wars after the second movie because Rian Johnson had it right. Now I don't care. I love Mandalorian, but am content to watch.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Too many to count. All of YV. Which reminds me, I need to go update our entry at Fanlore. I promised Punk I'd do it a while back. I need to at least get everyone linked. Right now it's only Punk and Sab.

But it was a ton of us. Marasmus, Maria Nicole, Cofax, CazQ, M. Sebasky, Livia Balaban, Kelly Keil, Wen, Ropobop, Jess Mabe, JET, fialka, and a bunch of others that I can't remember their fic names any more, just their real names because I know them all IRL. I need to go back and look up their fic names and link them up there.

In addition to my little group of pals, I loved reading Mustang Sally and Rivka T, Rachel Anton - I keep trying to find her to encourage her to write romance if she's not doing it already, but no dice, Dasha K., Anjou, there were so many great ones, but their names have slipped my mind in the past 20 years.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I'm most known for Prone, and I'm proud of that story for all kinds of reasons, but I think my very best is The Crouching Thing.

I mostly didn't publish anything I didn't think was good and hadn't been machete betaed within an inch of its life, but I'm not sure much of the angsty romance stuff holds up as well. I think it worked when the show was still ON and we were all in that emotional headspace, but probably not now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Funny you ask. I am currently reworking a plot idea I had for an X-Files fic into a contemporary M/M novel, which I will publish under a different pen-name. The plot is the idea I had for X-Files, the characters are very, very different other than one is uptight and the other more easy-going. But no more Mulder and Scully.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I have been making my living as a writer for 25 years. I write the word count equivalent of 5 Tolkein novels a year, just for my day-job. I am turning back to original fiction, which is where I was before X-Files. I'm working on the M/M thing, a high fantasy thing, a low fantasy historical thing and a bunch of M/F Regency romances as I get time and energy. I publish Fantasy and SF under my real name. Romance has pen names as you don't want that getting back to your workplace, either.

SEP is fic only and here she will stay.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I have too many ideas to count. I try to write them down when they come, so I won't forget. At least the outline of the idea. Often a scene. I've been like this my entire life. I started writing novels seriously at 15. I wrote a 500 plus page one about Morgan Le Fay during breaks in high school because "Mists of Avalon" pissed me off so bad as I'd read the original source material and that was a Wicca recruitment polemic.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Sarah Ellen was my great-grandma, Parsons was her grandma's last name.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Half my friends ARE fic friends. Most of my friends know as does my brother, who thinks writing for free is dumb. This is universally agreed on by non-fic friends who know. My mother still doesn't know about the fic. Just the "real" writing. I write under a pen name to keep it away from my job and my published work.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

My X-files stuff is up on Gossamer mostly. I'm trying to get the stories all moved to AO3 for all the genres. I'm working on this now. SEP is really not a living thing anymore, but there was a time when she was more me than me.

If you want to find my "real" non-fic writing, write to me at se_parsons at yahoo dot com and I will point you at it.

And PLEASE someone, hunt down Rachel Anton and get her writing something we all can BUY. Where are my old Krycek bitches at? Do any of you know where she is? [Lilydale note: I’ve tried contacting Rachel Anton for this Old School X project but have not had luck. I would love to find her too!]

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

The community I loved has mostly moved on, but I think we left a legacy of solid work crafted out of our love for the show. Find a living community you love for a show you love. There are great people out there creating and get involved. It will be worth it.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 15, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #sarah ellen parsons

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