#but boy howdy am i gonna try

[k-nshi]

i cannot get my old account @kenshis back which seems really unfair and ugly and rude and awful. but i am going to make due and attempt to re-infiltrate the mk fandom now that everybody is finally shipping johnshi (i was alone in 2018)

[sea-buns]

Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?

You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.

You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.

You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—

you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."

Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.

[a-high-femme]

.

[medinaquirin]

Trying not to let myself dwell on this too much, but it's almost impossible not to. My dad depends on social security and medicare. We both depend on medicaid. I feel like I've been strapped to the business end of a cannon and just waiting for them to light the fuse.

All for moral posturing and the price of eggs.

[jamiesfootball]

🎃 trick or treat 🎃

You get a long snippet (act surprised):

Roy flipped to a page at random:

'Ah, la belle dame sans merci who lived in his heart, made known to him in transitory fading splendor by dark eyes in the Ritz-Carlton, by a shadowy glance from a passing carriage in the Bois de Boulogne!'

The book Ted had given Roy had started with, ‘It was a dark and stormy night.’

“Oi!” Jamie started, sitting up to give Roy a concerned frown. “This one isn’t the first in the series.”

Roy shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. They’re all supposed to be self-contained stories. Don’t think I’ve ever met a person who read Wodehouse in order.”

Mollified, Jamie settled back into the cushions with Roy’s book, seemingly unaware of the puzzle Roy was rotating in his head.

Within the first few pages, he had a good idea what Ted intended by giving Jamie this particular book. He also couldn’t help but notice that he’d been given a book fit for his six-year-old niece, and Sam had been given Ender’s Game, and somehow Jamie had been the unlucky bastard with a reading assignment that would make any university student want to stick pencils in their eyes.

Also Anthony Patch was a posh rich twat.

[deviousdiesel]

.

[pivotalmark]

WHERE IS CHAR ?

𝒎𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒆 » @cornerhaunt [ priority ] 𝒑𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒌 , of the hunger games » @chancewon [ low activity ] 𝒆𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒔𝒘𝒂𝒏 , of once upon a time » @screwhope [ low activity ] 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒊𝒓 , of the hunger games » @tridentwon [ pending reboot ]

[letsriddlemethislucifer]

.

[princelucivaryaslana]

.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Bowser Castle 2 Debut: Super Mario Kart

Oh no! We didn't have a post ready for today! Well let me improvise one for you really quick. Because I love you. Don't take it too personally, though, we're not here to start parasocial relationships with our followers! Sorry. I hope you understand.

This is Bowser Castle 2, from Super Mario Kart, but if I named it I'd call it Bowser Castle POO! Because it isn't very good.

Many people consider this one of the worst courses in Mario Kart history, and many people would be right! You see, iconic Bad Guy King Morton "Bowser" Koopa Sr. wanted to prove his Bad Guy status by creating a Bad Course, and boy howdy did he! He probably feels so smug about it. Jerk.

Look at that map. This course has a dead end on it. This might be the only course in Mario Kart history to do such a thing! It's possible you can use a Feather to turn that into a shortcut, but I've never pulled it off. But also I'm not very good at this game, nor am I interested in becoming good at this game, so it might just be a skill issue on my part.

But getting past the dead end offers you no reprieve, as afterwards you have to deal with this mess! It feels like they're trying to make some sort of double-loop formation, but all the 90 degree turns combined with the bridge connecting the loops being at the top ends up making it play very awkwardly. Or something like that. Listen I'm just writing this post in a stream of conscience, I dunno how to describe what's so bad about this beyond "it's bad."

luigi enters the torment labyrinth

As you can probably expect, having "being the worst Mario Kart course ever made" on its resume hasn't done good things for SNES Bowser Castle 2. The only game it's returned in is Super Circuit, which included literally every SNES course, which is to say it was not getting any sort of special treatment. Even Mario Kart Tour, a game which literally invented new SNES courses for the sake of getting more content out of existing assets, refused to bring Bowser Castle 2 into its arms.

Is there any hope in this world for an absolute dogwater course like this one? I dunno but that's not gonna stop me from coming up with hypothetical solutions. Yes this is the kind of thing I think about in my spare time! Don't judge me!

Really, for all I've been dunking on this course in this post, I don't think it'd actually take all that much to get this into a playable state. As you can see, I've re-envisioned the dead end as a shortcut (likely blocked off with a wooden cutout so you need to use a mushroom), and I've reimagined the Torment Labyrinth as a double roundabout configuration à la Wii Rainbow Road. After that I just smoothed out some turns, added a glider ramp at the end so you have something to do during the last straightaway, and envisioned some totally awesome elevation changes that can not be displayed from a bird's-eye view like this, and bam! I created a version of this course that could potentially maybe be enjoyable.

I mean I dunno. I don't have the means to play it.

I drew this earlier this morning and it's the entire reason I've decided to make this our spur-of-the-moment post. I hope you're proud of me. For what it's worth, at least SNES Bowser Castle 2 can theoretically be made into a somewhat enjoyable course. It's not like it's stuck with a name like "Figure-8 Circuit" or something.

[aubreyathame]

"All of us helping each other... was it all...a program...? Am I... a fake...?"

. . .

BOY HOWDY. THIS PIECE. i wanted to try something more experimental and i need to practice making comics cos. thats like the thing ive been writing for for years. anyways i think not enough comics fuck around with panels!! even i didn't get to fuck around with them as much as i wanted to. anyways possessed me for the past few days i spent on this . now that im done im critiquing it a lot outside of how horribly condensed and abridged this is (each page is at least like 15 lines apart from each other in game) but i dunno i think this is an artist being an artist moment and others r gonna like this.

ALSO one last thing i really like how i drew alice in this. and page 3 reko with the blue eyes for some reason but pbbblttt

[impishjesters]

Agents of Cat-astrophe

warning(s): none unless you count Jax note(s): This gave me a good chuckle as someone who's consistently dropping more curse words than regular words, I'd imagine the system to just censor anything and everything that comes out of my mouth at that point. A/N: (In response to the requester) I wish I was taking breaks (I mean I am sorta), I'm fully aware I'm running myself ragged right now. But it's hard for me to stop myself... I'm caffeinated and chaotic and I don't wanna stew in my brain for too long. At least I get up and stretch every now and then. Request: Anyways, I’m requesting a Jax x reader (crushing stage) where the reader is sorta at the same level of meanness as Jax and likes to do pranks with him on the other characters. Also the reader’s digital form is a short cat that at first glance makes them look nice/friendly (obviously not an actual cat but yk what I mean), and they have a sailor’s mouth that is unfortunately censored but that doesn’t stop them (can also purr and does so when they’re content which is usually when there chilling in Jax’s room or with Jax in general). I think it would be fun if the reader surprisingly was sorta nicer to Kinger and has a small soft spot for him and does more playful pranks on him than mean/harmful ones.

When you first showed up, you looked so small and frail, like a literal little kitten completely out of place in this big colourful nightmare world

Ragatha thought you’d be like Pomni, and boy howdy was she wrong

You just ended up being another Jax—who you later met and found out was also an agent of chaos

Similarly to Pomni you cursed up a storm when you first arrived and the endless censorship that came with it

You have a knack for testing Caine’s patience when it comes to your sailor’s mouth, much to Jax’s entertainment. It’s not every day Caine loses his cool like that and you’re just a newbie, needless to say, you caught his interest

That sailor’s mouth also gets used towards the other’s and Jax won’t lie and say it’s not funny because shit’s hilarious.

Sure they all curse from time to time, but you just laid out an entire sentence that was completely and utterly censored. Like the system said “fuck this I’m gonna censor the whole damn sentence”

Unlike Jax who doesn’t show any remorse for who he pranks or how cruel they are, you draw the line at messing with Kinger.

Okay, that’s a lie you still mess with him but it’s not like how you mess with the others. Kinger has this sweet unstable dad/grandpa vibe and it kind of makes the place more homey in a weird way. (plus that man has been through enough trauma, give him a break, and talk about his bug collections or some shit)

The upside is that his mind is so scattered sometimes that using the same pranks on him always results in something hilarious. So you really don’t need to try for any new material. (he also really needs to consider actually using the lock on his door, he makes it too easy)

Jax considered you his little partner in crime the more time passed—not exactly a friend nah, but like a good ol pal that also likes to partake in joining him and his bullshittery

The first time he hears you purring is when the two of you are lazing about in his room, he’d gotten distracted collecting things for a prank on someone and heard the loudest rumbling coming from behind him

“Are you fucking purring?”

It’s a little embarrassing at first, you’ve uh, never done that before..

Jax has the biggest shit-eating grin, if he wasn’t using dumb cat-themed nicknames before he sure as hell is now

“Oh, like you don’t stomp your feet like a petulant child you overgrown rabbit.”

He does not stomp his fuckin feet like a temperamental rabbit, thank you very much (that’s a fuckin lie if I ever heard one)

Jax already had mixed feelings about you before, nothing particularly bad, just feelings he couldn’t place…that was until the prank…

He doesn’t know how you did it, or how he got so wrapped up in it. But you pranked him, and you pranked him good.

Oh, oh okay that feeling is new… butterflies don’t typically belong inside your gut, now whether Jax has ever experienced a crush before or not is probably beyond him. But these little butterflies are a bitch and it takes awhile of placing two and two together to realize he’s… caught feelings to some degree

You, however, probably had a crush on him for a while, perhaps really noticing it after the whole purring fiasco when you learned that it only happened around Jax

[gummydummy19]

Soft on me (male reader version)

Summary: every time you and Steve fuck, you do it his way, because Captain America is always in charge. But what happens when Stevie wakes up after an exhausting mission and finds himself tied to his bed, with you on top of him…

Content Warning: smut (anal sex), powerplay, Sub/Dom dynamics, teasing, bondage (steve is retrained), nicknames (Captain, Sweetheart,…), Nomad Stevie, fluff, Steve and reader are NOT in an established relationship at the beginning of this, use of "good boy" (both parties), top Steve, bottom reader.

A/N: since I've been getting a bunch of male reader requests I figured this would be the easiest way to ease the cravings :)) this is one of my old stories I rewrote to be male reader, I really hope you like it!!!

Disclaimer: male reader fics are not my forte. This was written by a women from a female point of view so I really hope you guys like it. Requests and feedback are always welcome, lmk if you wanna be on my taglist <3.

Before he even opened his eyes, he could feel the weight of your body straddling his.

“Morning!” you chirped, a wide grin plastered on your face.

Steve’s eyes fluttered open, immediately greeted with the sight of you on top of him.

You looked amazing, covered in hickeys and bruised from the night before The only thing you were wearing was a black, satin tie, and there was nothing but mischief in your eyes.

The second he tried to move, he could feel the tug on his wrists. The sound of the metal handcuffs rattling against the bars of his bedpost.

“Howdy there big boy, where do you think you’re going?” You teased.

“Untie me.” He simply said, entirely unamused.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” You asked, not planning on giving in so soon. 

“Fun huh? Well if that’s what you’re looking for, sweetheart, all you had to do was ask.”

“Not today, Captain. Because today, I’m in charge.” You stated with a proud smile.

“You realize I can easily just break these silly cuffs and bend you over my lap, right?” He said, already fed up with your games.

“Go ahead and try.” You dared him.

Steve felt the slightest bit of worry mixed with curiosity in his stomach as he stared up at you.

He chuckled before tugging hard on the cuffs, expecting them to snap at the movement. To his surprise, they didn’t budge.

“Vibranium.” You said, answering the question you knew lingered on his lips.

“I had Shuri make them for me a while ago. Been waiting for the perfect moment to break them in, although you and I both know, they won’t actually break, will they?”

Oh he was fuming.

“Get me out of these fucking cuffs!” He yelled.

“Oh would you relax, you big baby!” You chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to his bearded cheek.

“You remember your safeword?” You asked, using the same tone he always used on you.

“This isn’t fucking funny,”

“Yeah well I’m not fucking laughing, am I? Now watch your language before I spank you.”

He only growled in response.

Although he was being grumpy, you knew he would use the safeword if you actually pushed him too far out of his comfort zone.

Giving him a lighthearted smile, you moved to press slow kisses all over his frown.

A deep sigh escaped through Steves nose. The way you peppered sweet kisses all over his face put him at ease.

“Fine.” He breathed. “What do you have in store for me, huh? Are you gonna use my body as you please? Come all over Captain’s cock?”

“Stop that.” You warned, swatting his chest.

“What?”

“Stop taking control! You’re tied up. I’m on top. My rules.” You argued.

“So you keep saying” he chuckled. “What exactly are ‘your rules’?”

Taking a second to think about his question, you huffed out in frustration.

“Cut me some slack, I’m not used to this” you whined, dropping your head on his chest.

The fabric of his cotton shirt felt heavenly against your skin. It was all soft and comfortable, and it smelled like him.

“You’re comfy.” You said. “Just give me a minute and I’ll figure out what to do next.”

His heart melted. You were like a cat, snuggling into his shirt. It did feel really nice, but he’d be damned if he’d just admit that to you.

“So you tied me to the bed, to cuddle?” He raised his brow, giving you an amused look.

“Maybe I did”

You wrapped your arms around his torso and nuzzled against his beard.

“Hmm, you smell good.” You hummed, pressing light kisses up his neck.

“You’re a horrible dom.” Steve raised his brow.

You shushed him and pressed your lips against his. Your hands slid over his shoulders to his hair, fingers tangling in his dark golden locks.

Your hips started grinding against his, cock rubbing against the growing bulge hidden in his pants.

Pulling your lips from his, you sat up straight, still grinding into him, slowly.

“I’m going to give you a lesson in patience.”

“You?” He straight up laughed in your face. “You’re the one begging for me to fuck you every time I so much as breath too close to you.”

Your face turned red. You didn’t even know if it was anger or embarrassment, but you were starting to get pissed.

This wasn’t going to work, not like this.

“Fine.” You huffed, stopping your movements. “You’re right, I do want Captain to fuck me.”

Your voice was sultry, silky smooth. Just how he liked it. Never breaking eye contact with Steve, you slowly slithered down his body, leaving teasing pecks all over his cotton covered chest and stomach until your face was right in front of his painfully hard cock.

Pulling up his shirt slightly, you pressed more kisses on his abdomen, above his hips, down his happy trail. Fingers eagerly tugging on his waistband before finally pulling out his fat dick.

Steve didn’t say a word, he just watched you intently. Registering your every move. He watched as you licked a long, firm stripe up the base of his length, all the way to his tip before circling it with your tongue.

“Oh fuck” he breathed. “There you go, just like that, good boy.”

Your tongue swirled over his slit, tasting the single drop of precum. But instead of taking him in your mouth, you just kept teasing him.

Pressing light kisses up and down his shaft. Fondling with his balls, until he groaned, bucking his hips into nothing.

“Ah ah,…patience.” You teased. “That shouldn’t be hard for you, right Captain?”

Steve growled, but it quickly turned into a whine as you latched your mouth around his dripping tip.

You hummed in delight, wanting to hear that sound again. And you weren’t disappointed, the vibrations of your moans against him made him loose his mind.

“Oh FUCK” he nearly screamed. Trying to get you to take him deeper, but you just pulled back every time he got too far.

This would usually be the part where he gripped your hair, forcing himself down your throat until you gagged around him.

Before you met Steve, you often opted for more…vanilla sex. Simply because no one you ever met did rough sex right.

Steve did. Oh he SO did. He respected you, you know he did. Which is exactly why it was so easy to give yourself to him, completely and entirely.

Sex with Steve is easily the best sex you’ve ever had. It was nice to have someone take over control when you needed it. Especially in your line of work. But lately you’ve just been wanting to try something new.

Well, not new for you, new for Steve.

A little TLC, if you will. You felt like you both deserved it, after the missions you’ve had.

You pulled away from him entirely. Sitting up as you watched Steve, tugging at the cuffs as he writhed and squirmed on the bed.

“My poor, Stevie.” You cooed, moving to lay beside him.

“When I get out of these damn cuffs-”

“- you’ll ruin me, I know I know.” You finished his sentence. “Don’t get ahead of yourself Captain Rogers. We’ve barely gotten started”

You turned on your side to face him, draping your leg over his, you snuggled against him and kissed his cheek, sweetly brushing your fingers through his hair.

“I wouldn’t have to tie you up if you could just learn to behave.”

He gave you a questioning look.

“Just trust me” you said, your hand travelled down his body, grabbing his still throbbing erection.

“Let me take care of you, Stevie.” You cooed, nibbling on his ear, slowly pumping his shaft

His breathing hitched, it was safe to say that Steve was a little confused.

“You’re going soft on me.” He whispered, making you smirk.

“And you’re getting hard on me.”

You moved to slide off his pants entirely before finally getting on top of him again.

The internal struggle visible in his eyes made you giggle.

“Steve, would you relax?”

“Untie me.” He asked yet again.

“Why?” You raised a brow.

“Because I want to touch you” his voice was softer than before. You could hear how hard he tried to sound stern. How hard he tried not to beg. 

You didn’t reply as you spit in your hand, reaching down to coat Steve's hard cock with your saliva. You reached over to the nightstand to grab the lube, giving him one more soft kiss before squeezing some of the sticky liquid on his cock. You gave him a few more strokes before finally sinking down on him carefully.

His eyes rolled back and he let out a satisfied groan. Even over his shirt, you felt the vibrations rumble in his chest as your fingertips pressed into the soft flesh, making you moan.

You slowly started riding him, slightly raising your hips with every sway, making his hard cock slip halfway out of your asshole every time before plunging back in as your cock rubbed against the patch of hair going up his lower belly.

You were in heaven.

“If I untie you, do you promise you’ll be a good boy?” You questioned. You were a mess, eyes closed and mouth slightly hanging open in pure bliss.

But Steve was stubborn. He kept his mouth shut and watched you ride him.

You groaned impatiently and grabbed his jaw, squeezing his cheeks between your fingers.

“I asked you a question, Steve.”

You squeezed your hole tightly around his throbbing cock, before stilling your movements.

“Are you going to be a good boy?”

Steve tried bucking his hips up in frustration but you didn’t move.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Steve expected you to lift off him, tease him some more, just like he would do when you were being a brat. But you didn’t.

You kept moving at a slow, sensual pace. You whined as you trailed your hands over his chest, to his neck once more before moving them to your own body. The tingling sensation of his hot skin lingered on your fingers as you ran them over your own chest, imagining it were Steve’s rough hands softly caressing your skin.

As he watched you, and he felt you, Steve realized how handsome you were. Not that he had never noticed before, just not like this. Soft moans and whimpers tumbling from your lips as you moved on top of him, your fingers trailing over your soft skin.

His hands itched, god he would do anything to touch you right now, but he also noticed how being restrained from doing so made everything so much more intense.

It was different from when he had you tied up. You weren’t being as cruel as he would be. You didn’t toy with him as much and you weren’t nearly as mean, quite the opposite actually. You were being so soft and sweet.

That’s when it hit him. You didn’t want control. You just wanted some soft loving.

“Untie me”

“No.”

“Untie me, baby please?”

“Steve” you whined

“Untie me and I’ll give you what you want.”

You tore your eyes open, glaring down at him.

He let out a deep sigh before uttering the words “I’ll be a good boy.”

You couldn’t believe he actually said it. Steve never gave up control. Ever.

“Just let me touch you? Please?” He begged.

Steve Rogers. Captain freaking America, begging you to let him touch you.

He was right, you were a horrible dom.

You moved your hands to the cuffs. The fingerprint scanner Shuri had put in there proved to work perfectly as they clicked open the second your finger pad touched the middle part.

“You can keep the cuffs, just know that they only open with my touch” you said, flinging the piece of vibranium on the floor.

“Good, I don’t plan on using them with anyone else.” Steve breathed, sitting up as his hands flew to your waist.

He put his head against your chest, the side of his face pressed against your sternum.

“Steve” you exhaled. Part of you had expected him to take back control right away, flipping you over and fucking you into the mattress until you came so many times you saw stars (and stripes lol).

Instead, Steve just held you like that for a while. 

This was probably the most intimate moment you had ever shared with Steve. And it made you realize how much you had been longing for this, how much you needed to just…feel him. To let go with him. Not just of control, of everything. Steve owned you. Mind, body and soul. 

The palms of his hands were pressed flat against your back, holding you close against him while your hands played with his hair.

He was still buried deep inside of you, but neither of you moved, just basking in body heat, enjoying each others embrace.

“I’m kinda offended that you feel like you had to tie me up for this.” Steve finally spoke up.

For a split second, you thought you saw hurt flash through his eyes.

“Oh Stevie” you cradled his face, ducking down to press a slow kiss against his lips.

You both moaned into the kiss, suddenly aware of your position, you slowly started moving again.

You both kept each other close as you found a pleasurable pace.

“I’m sorry.” he breathed in between moans.

“W-what for?” You asked hazily.

“For…oh fuck…for making you feel like you…shit…like you couldn’t just…a-ask” he spoke as the pleasure increased with the tempo, his cock hitting your prostate with every move.  

“Oh Steve!” You moaned loudly. Feeling his fingers slide down to stroke your cock.

Your orgasm came over you in waves, drowning everything around you out for a blissful moment as you rode it through, marking Steve's chest with your cum.

The clenching of your asshole and the angelic sounds tumbling over your lips made Steve shudder as he shot his hot load inside of you.

“Oh FUCK, BABY!” He almost crushed your body against his. Grip tightening around you as you felt his warm seed covering the fluttering walls of your asshole.

Steve pressed his lips against yours as you both road out your highs.

Chests heaved against one other. The smell of sex surrounded your sweat and cum covered bodies, but neither of you cared.

When he softly pulled away from the kiss, he leaned his forehead against yours before falling back against the bed, taking you with him.

You stayed on top of him for a second until he finally rolled you over and gently pulled out of you.

“I’ll be right back.” He pressed a chaste kiss against your cheek before disappearing into the bathroom.

His absence only lasted a few minutes, but it gave you time to take off your tie, dropping it on the floor next to the rest of your discarded clothes. 

Steve returned wearing a fresh pair of boxer shorts, carrying a wet washing cloth and a little towel in his hands.  

He only gave you a soft smile. Wordlessly cleaning up the mess between your thighs and on your chest before getting rid of the towel. He gave you one of his clean boxers, fighting off the fresh wave of dirty thoughts that seeing you in his underwear brought on. You quietly put them on, blushing as Steve came to lie down next to you, immediately pulling you close.

“You okay?” You both spoke up at the same time, giggling a little at the slightly awkward moment.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You said with a smile.

He grinned back at you, “me too.”

A comfortable silence settled in between the two of you. This time you were the one to break it.

“Well…that was…different.”

“Yeah…it was.” Steve replied 

“did you..I mean…was it good different or…or bad different?”

Steve turned to look at you. Studying your face for a moment before leaning in and pressing a sweet kiss against your lips. 

“I don’t ever want anyone else." He said when he pulled back. 

You didn’t know how to reply, so you just looked at him with soft eyes, allowing him to continue.

“I know that this…thing…between us has been… it’s just…I want you to know that it’s more than just blowing off steam or something. And I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about…you know…trying to slow it down a little sometimes…”

Trying your best not to burst into tears like a lovesick teenager, you swallowed before speaking again. 

“I know you’ve been through a lot, Steve. I just want you to know that…I’m not going anywhere.”

“Me neither, baby. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” he gave you a goofy smile.

“Now who’s going soft on who, rogers?” You teased.

“Keep talking and that’s not gonna be a problem for much longer, sweetheart,” he said, leaning in to capture your lips once more as you felt his cock already starting to harden against your hip.

[angel-gone-dark]

Hey I came over from April's posts lol. I read the "She's my collar" fic and loved it

Would/ Have you write a Kyle x reader x Cartman? They don't have to please each other in any way since ok you don't like kyman. But lmk I'm super curious lol. ❤️

Cartman x F!Reader x Kyle

CWs: praise AND degradation, minor throatfucking, creampie, cum swallowing, kenny is the world's #1 instigator

Boy howdy did I take this and run with it

SMUT UNDER CUT. MDNI.

I stood at the bus stop like usual, tired out of my mind. I’d been up all night studying for a stupid quiz, and notorious asshole Eric Cartman let me know just the toll it’d had on me. 

“You look shittier than usual.” I rolled my eyes as he kept going. “I mean, you always look fugly, but now you look like you were hit by a fucking bus.” 

“Gee, thanks, Cartman.” I scoffed. 

“I’m trying to help you. You’re never gonna get a man like that.” Before he could say anything else, Kyle butt in. 

“Quit bothering her, fatass, clearly she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” The ginger stood next to me, looking me over. His tone was gentle when he addressed me. “You okay? You don’t look like you feel very well.”

“Just not a lot of sleep, is all.” Cartman took this and ran with it.

 “Woah, up all night sucking dick then? I knew you were a whore.”

“Shut up, Cartman!” Kyle snapped. His two friends were smartly standing away from us, ignoring the commotion and smoking cigarettes. 

“What? Ohh, I get it, she was up sucking your dick Kyle!” I rolled my eyes. The two fought until the bus came, and even then, kept snapping at each other across the aisle. Today was gonna be a long day. 

By the time lunch rolled around I was so fucking sick of it. 

“Can you two shut up?!” I snapped, glaring at the two that had attached to either side of me. “I’m so sick of hearing you assholes fight over nothing all damn day! If you two are going to be like this, then get the fuck away from me.”

I stormed off. 

“Woah, going somewhere?” Kenny smirked as I ran into him. 

“Yeah, away from your stupid ass friends.” I pouted and he patted my shoulder. 

“Okay, talk to Dr. McCormick- what’s the sitch?”

“They keep fighting over my head.”

“Why, what’s so good about it?” He grinned and I smacked him.

“Be serious, Kenny.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe they’re fighting because they can’t decide who gets to spend time with you?”

“Are you high again?” I set him with a stern glare that had him raising his hands in mock defense.

“No, ma’am,” he crossed his heart to emphasize he was telling the truth. “I’m just saying, they’re glued to your hips and harboring a lot of tension right now. Just fuck about it.”

“Gross. Goodbye, Ken.” I shoved past him. 

My thoughts turned, though, because he had certainly just planted a seed that I wouldn’t be able to uproot.

I’d planned on staying in that night, but my friend Lola dragged me out of bed and got me done up for some stupid party. 

I was still pissy by the time we got there. People looked at me concerned as I slammed down a drink the second I got my hands on one. Lola scolded me and I rolled my eyes at her, but agreed to just sip the second one. 

It was boring as all hell until Cartman leaned against the wall next to me. 

“Hey. Sorry about earlier, I really didn’t realize just how… much we were being.” He seemed genuine, and I relaxed. 

“It’s okay, Cartman, you didn’t mean to be an ass- in that regard,” I giggled, sipping at my drink. “I feel like you and Kyle just get way too into it sometimes and you don’t think.”

“Hard to think when I’m looking at someone so pretty.” I blushed and looked down into my drink. 

“Really?”

“Well, yeah.” I don’t know what had gotten into him to be so suave, or what had gotten into me to be so receptive. Alcohol, probably.

I looked up to the sound of footsteps approaching. 

“Hi, Kyle.” I smiled at him a little, eyebrows knitting together as I looked down at his hand. “…You broke your cup.”

“I am aware.” He seethed, eyes boring holes into Cartman. “Are you sure you wanna hang out with him?”

“You can’t police who I talk to just because you don't like him.” 

“Nobody likes him! I just-” 

I interrupted him, “Zip it. Both of you, follow me, now.”

“What-?”

“Zip. It.” I made my way upstairs and into the guest bedroom. They followed after a moment of hesitation, and I locked the door.

“Spill. Now. Why are you two fighting so aggressively around me?”

“No- no reason.” Kyle looked away from me and I could tell he was lying.

“Okay, y’know, if he’s too pussy to say something then I fucking will,” Eric started, making his way over to me and cupping my face in his hands. “You’re fuckin’ hot and we’ve been fighting over who gets you.”

I felt heat rising to my face and pooling in my panties. The realization that I was locked in a room with the two, music thumping so loud nobody would be able to hear anything, set in. Cartman backed me up until I hit the wall, Kyle looking over with wide eyes.

“...Both of you can have me.” I said, swallowing hard as I squeezed my thighs together.

“Oh, I just knew you were a whore.” The brunette ridiculed me, slamming his rough lips onto mine. 

He practically consumed me, tongue sliding teasingly over my teeth. When he parted from me, a string of saliva connected our lips. It drooped down between us, snapping when the tension was too much. Eric raised a brow at Kyle, as if taunting him. No words were said before I was sandwiched between the two, Cartman now behind me. As he ground himself into my backside and chewed up my shoulders, Kyle took his turn with my lips. He was a great kisser, bucking his hips up into me as he practically moaned into my mouth. The ginger nipped at my lower lip, and I whined. I felt both their cocks twitch at that.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, good girl.” Kyle mumbled into my neck as his fingers slid under my skirt and panties.

“Don’t praise her, she hasn’t done jack shit.” Cartman grunted, yanking off my shirt and bra. I winced when it sounded like a clasp fell off.

“Yes she has, Cartman, she’s taking it,” he moved his attention to me. “You’re so cute, you know that?” He trailed wet kisses down my collarbones and to my breasts, humming eagerly as he took one nipple into his mouth.

“Taking it isn’t doing anything at all, Kyle.” Eric protested, removing his own clothing as Kyle laid me down on the bed.

I was in heaven when the ginger boy tugged down my bottoms and ghosted his breath over my eager cunt. My breath hitched as he licked a long, wet stripe up my slit. The brunette watched with a smirk, stroking himself as Kyle worked me up with his tongue.

“Open up, bitch.” Cartman asserted, gripping my hair in his hand and shoving his cock between my lips. “Ohhh, fuck, yeah. I knew you had a good mouth on you, the sassy ones always fuckin’ do.”

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I groaned, the noise coming out as a muffled gurgle thanks to the fat head of Cartman’s dick blocking my airway. Kyle kissed and left hickeys across my thighs as his fingers stretched me. I swore I saw stars as he curled them purposefully, hitting the soft spot inside of me that sent electric currents through my flesh. My throat tightened around the flesh that pounded the back of it, milking precum from the angry tip.

“Be more gentle with her, she’s being submissive.” Kyle scolded. Eric scoffed, ignoring him and using one large hand to twist one of my nipples.

The noises I made, even muffled, were driving Kyle crazy. I saw him strip in the corner of my eyes, and my thoughts were confirmed at the clink of his belt hitting the floor and the swipe of his cock against my entrance. I shuddered and trembled as he bottomed out inside of me. I’d never heard anything as sexy as the noise he made the first time he moved his hips. This was bliss.

Kyle rocked his hips slowly at first, but it was clear he couldn’t help himself as his rhythm sped. He drilled his cock into me, grabbing the back of my knees to fold me in half. I shook below them, pussy smeared with slick and mouth dribbling spit. I briefly felt guilty about someone else having to clean this mess, but the feeling of Kyle’s fingers coaxing my clit yanked me back to the moment. I felt hot, skin on fire as I was ruined. I gripped at the sheets, bucking my hips up to meet Kyle’s as he made me cum on his long fingers.

“God, the bitch can’t even wait to cum until her superiors have.” By the way his cock twitched in my mouth I could tell my shuddering was turning him on.

“Good… good girl,” he sounded as ruined as I thought I might if I tried to speak. “So fucking tight, good girl…”

As my walls pulsed around him, Eric pulled out of my mouth to stroke himself. 

“Mouth open. You’re gonna fucking swallow.” His laugh dissolved into a shuddering grunt as he came on my tongue. He swiped the tip on my lips and laughed, closing my jaw with the other hand. I swallowed, nearly choking after as I moaned.

“F-fuck, good girl, ‘m gonna cum. W-where do you want it?” It was clear that Kyle was nearly bursting trying to hold himself back.

“Inside, please, please?” I begged. Cartman laughed.

“Well, if she wasn’t a whore before she sure as hell is now.” His hands found my breasts again, assaulting them with squeezes and pinches alike.

Kyle slammed into me hard, hips jerking wildly as he filled me with his warm seed. I heaved under him, still folded, and he stole what remained of my breath with a long kiss.

“If this is what hanging out with Cartman means then I don’t think I mind it anymore.” He smiled.

word count: 1700

[king-crawler]

the cowardice consumes me so i am asking this anonymously

i just wanted to say that if it weren't for your turbo video the autism creature in my brain would be emaciated and starving right now. honestly i think this video is gonna go down in history. like it's seriously fucking amazing. i watched the entire thing at like 8am and i just sat still for the whole entire thing and it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen aaanyways i just wanted to say THANK YOU!! for feeding my turbo hyperfixation it means a lot to me that you made that beautiful video. ive been scrolling thru your blog for the past few days trying to look at all the stuff youve reblogged and boy howdy there's a lot..so ALSO tyx2 for making your blog a treasure trove for DEGENERATES like me!! hoo-hoo

SO TLDR: youre pretty awesome and you might hold first place in my heart above jerma now. i know this is a huge block of text but im a cringey teenager on tumblr with a hyperfixation..i target people like you lmao youre only a teenager ONCE☝️so i have to send at least ONE cringey ask to my favorite tumblr user evah before i turn 18. slay every day!!!!

YOU PUT ME ABOVE JERMA????????? HOW

THANK YOU SO MUCH for all ur nice words… I ENJOYED READING THIS + I AM WISHING YOU SLAY EVERY DAY AS WELL!!

[askthesunjackers]

Stars | THE END

So, quick aside!

This story arc is over - Sunjackers Volumes 1-3 - but I'm not finished with this world, or these characters. I love these doofy little babies too much to abandon them. They just need something new to tackle, rather than the scrambled together story I improvised out of whatever bits and pieces I had lying around after a year of just throwing stuff at the wall. Nighthaze is also not going anywhere. However, that will be at some point in the future - in the short term I need a break from this world, and I'm going to spend some time focussing on other projects. You'll be hearing more about those very soon, at most I'll need like, a month to six weeks to get that prepared.

Also, I can't let it be unsaid: the internet is kinda undergoing some... instability right now? Tumblr included. Know that I have not rushed the ending here to move on with dealing with that - I've had this ending in mind for years now, it's just fortuitous timing that's let me stop this particular ride just as it's getting rough. That said, the break will give me the time I need to assess the situation patiently, without also trying to keep a comic updated at the same time.

One of the things I will be trying to jump on during the intermission will be the print edition so keep your eyes peeled for that - but also brace for a roughly 70 page book, so it's going to be more expensive than the other two. I also need to reform my shipping pricing on Etsy because shipping has gotten so much more expensive in the last two years. Given the up-front expense of printing I'm considering running an Indiegogo for it instead of doing Etsy pre-orders, what do people think about that?

Anyway. Boy howdy. This is kind of surreal. Finishing my second comic, and the first one I've managed to make a living off of. Being a full-time webcomic artist was like, one of my childhood dream jobs and here I am. I'm gonna sit down with a nice cup of tea and uh... try to have a normal one.

See you soon!