#but because they wanted to be praised for diversity and make us forget the show is actually just shit

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

i would have put more emphasis on lakes sexuality in her original season. We only know she’s a lesbian because of a pride post. It would have been cool to see her talking about it with Rosa maria or maggy. About how she doesn’t want to get married to this guy because she isn’t attracted to men, but doesn’t have the words to describe it. Maybe Rosa and maggy help her realize that being same sex attracted is normal and nothing wrong with it. (Maggy autocorrected to maggot like 4 times wtf)

fr like i think besides jaiden, season 2 had no mention/hint of queerness and then BAM half the cast shows up in the pride post. uhhh thanks for the half-assed representation from unbearable/boring characters that we will never see again i guess! you’re so progressive ONC!

[prettybard]

So I’ve watched a ton of reactions to ofmd (indulging the ones mentioned in your post) because I was really curious to see how people responded to a show like this and I’ve observed some THINGS

• People generally don’t like/aren’t sold by ep 1 (crazy to me since it’s one of my faves and I was hooked instantly but it). Even people that liked it don’t seem to get the tone just from one ep.

• People always end up having a favorite crew member. Very fun to see who they end up gravitating towards

• Most people believe Black Pete’s stories at first/think they will be proven right later

•Most people don’t pay attention to Jim’s pronouns unless they are already aware that they are nb/are told by commenter that they are nb

• A lot of the little jokes and clever moments and line deliveries kinda go over a lot of peoples heads

• Queer people love Stede, straight people have to warm up to him

• Most people credit Taika for this show/most straight people heard about it because of his connection to it

• I’ve only seen one person previously unfamiliar with the foot touch in ep 8 notice it

• Everyone loves Lucius

• Hardly anyone notices how romantic the moonlight scene in ep 5 is (and of course the ones who pick up on it are the gays)

• This show reads much better for gay people. Like of course, but it’s interesting to actually watch the differences in reaction to a lot of moments. I mostly like to watch people who aren’t familiar with the show at all and I like to keep the mix of people (straight, queer, poc, white etc.) diverse so that I can see how people with different backgrounds respond. Queer people 100% of the time are feeling those themes and narratives.

• Everyone always loses their shit when Karl dies

• No one ever talks about how fun Geraldo is and that’s wild to me. Loved his character so much.

• End of ep 3/ep 4 is what usually hooks people

• Most people, including the straights, actually do see the kiss coming but there are a few who are still shocked

• People want to fuck Blackbeard and Jim but what else is new

• A surprising amount of people “predict” that Ed isn’t going to kill Stede because they’re going to end up friends. Like…..yeah. He’s the main character. Idk. They kinda set that up for you.

• A lot of Ed’s vulnerable moments go overlooked

• Most people can’t believe Ed leaves the dock and freak the hell out when he goes back to being Blackbeard. Very fun reactions to those things.

• Not many people point out Izzy’s attraction to Blackbeard

All this information may be completely useless but it’s really fun to observe how people respond to this show. OFMD is UNDOUBTEDLY a show for the gays but I love that by the end most straight people also highly praise and recommend the show.

omg anon i love you and im gonna try to respond to most of the points bc im v happy i got this message.

it genuinely made me so sad when ppl weren't that into the first episode, its so perfect and very easily shows the found family shit thats about to happen.

ik a lot of new people dont know about jims pronouns but by fucking god does it make me uncomfortable when ppl immediately use she/her pronouns for them,, but im glad that ppl start using it when commenters tell them abt jim.

OMG YEAH SO MANY LITTLE JOKES GO OVER PPLS HEADS AND IM JUST SCREAMING AT MY SCREEN TELLING THEM TO APPRECIATE IT ASKFJS,,, the scene where stedes like "no this is it,, thats it." THE FUCJING LINE DELIVERY ON THAT IS PERFECT BUT LIKE NO ONE MENTIONED IT

stede is for the gays,, only we can fully understand that little fucker

no bc it made me so mad that not many people credited david jenkins properly,, like its his show?!?!?!

everyone should love lucius,, hes perfect in every way

GOD I WOULD GET SO SAD WHEN MOST PPL JUST SKIMMED BY THE MOONLIGHT SCENE,, AND I DON'T THINK ILL EVER FORGET "nice , theyre friends now" HUH?!??!??!?!

i think alot of straight people just dont care, like most of the youtubers ive seen react to the show, mostly just care about the comedy and if its entertaining. it kinda shocking to me seeing ppl just act normally about the show and not completely dissect it and every single theme they can find

ahhh omg yeah idk how ppl can look at the bathtub scene with ed and just go "aww thats sad" and just dismiss it?!?! that scene changed my brain chemistry and ruined me,, ed vulnerable moments were my favorite and i really wanted more people to talk about that

oh man i feel like i can go on a whole ass rant about ed becoming the kraken,, like people say it doesn't make sense but if you just think about it for 2 fucking seconds you can see that it v much makes complete sense to his character,, hes just trying to protect himself

i like pointing out izzy's atrraction for blackbeard bc its fucking hilarious how pathetic he is for a man that barely even cared abt him and doesn't even exist (hes in love with the idea of blackbeard and but not ed)

anyways this was incredibly fun to respond to, anon!! pls send me more shit if you want <33

[faeflowerz]

Happy Birthday Vil Schoenheit! 🦚

I finally got around to reading his chapter so this is fresh in my thinkpan.

Vil is that guy who i would absolutely love to have in my life. He's a kind man but he has a way of showing it that many deem unconventional and harsh. I like it. I NEED someone to hold me accountable for my bad habits and Vil is relentless in his efforts to make any potato useful. Does he push too far? Sometimes. But honestly, i wouldn't mind having someone who can bite back. Im too bratty.

But i wont bore yall with my love of blonde men who are probably strong enough to snap my neck. We gotta talk about Vil!

So I think I learned a lot about Vil in such a short amount of time thanks to finishing chap 5. I learned that he’s quite...expressionless. I noticed while doing lessons that he doesn’t open his mouth that wide when he talks. Idk why i noticed it, but it's interesting. He also mentions that he's usually stoic because hes so goal oriented.

And that's his problem. Vil doesn't show us how he feels. Like the other leaders, his complex is exacerbated by his mask. Vil doesn't allow himself to be a young man who emotes. There's one scene in chap 5 where one of the guys notes its weird to hear him refer to himself as a young man. He's so mature that many forget that hes only 18. He's not even the eldest out of all the seniors (fae + leona excluded). And he takes offense.

But Vil, by design, you continue to perpetrate an image of yourself that makes people forget that you're a baby. You are a child, especially when you nearly poisoned Neige for just existing. Your reaction to him proves that you're immature and it's okay to be immature.

Actually, let's discuss his relationship with Neige. Vil is forcing all of his energy into this guy who thinks the world of him. So much so that he's (literally) grooming Epel to be some weapon of mass destruction. Sure, Epel is a little goblin, but making him into a show dog won't resolve your feelings towards Neige. Like, Neige LOVES him some Vil. Look at this

I think it's because Vil doesn't want to accept Neige's love. I mean like, the guy sings his praises like everyone else but when it comes to Neige, he brushes it off or even gets Hostile. Neige brings out that immaturity in him, and it breaks our imagination of Vil. He's still a child in many ways.

Thats the aries in him taking. A common trait for some is their immaturity, temper, and RECKLESSNESS. The gap moe between Vil's facade and the emotions he has to force himself to suppress is so fascinating!

That being said, no. I don't think Diasomnia is his fit. Sure, the reasoning is solid, but he's fit for Heartslabyul way more. Of course, I'd love to see him in everyone's uniform, but Vil's strict and meticulous nature is quite on par with the QoH. He does carry Dia's elegance, but i unno, i just think it'd be fun to see him in an environment that has such unique rules. Plus, he would probably meet his match with how unkempt the 1st years are there. It's wacky, diverse and i think vil needs to be put out his comfort zone.

What do i wanna see with him? Well, that's just it. I want to see Vil uncomfortable and vulnerable to the people who love him. He's surrounded by people who adore and respect him. He has a prolific career and lots of promise in any road he picks in life. He's beautiful on the inside. But...Vil doesn't believe it. Ive been there. I've doubted myself because there's someone who i think is better than me. And it freaks me out...Neige isn't better than Vil. Vil isn't better than Neige. They compliment each other outside of their villain/hero archetypes, especially when Vil lets Neige pull him along.

Can yall l tell i hardcore ship em? I just think Neige is a better hype man than Rook. He needs emotional support and I want to see Vil emotionally vulnerable.

Oh! I also want to briefly touch on Vil's gender expression. I adore it. Some people have defined headcanons for his gender, but I just think it's nice to have a GNC guy in an isekai game...a DISNEY isekai game. Vil is certainly unapologetic in how he presents himself. I adore that aspect of him. In fact, it makes his dynamic with Epel that more interesting. Epel is a dirty country boy (who would totally be a little homophobic) who is so sure that he needs to be a manly man's man. Vil's masculinity is subtle but striking. He's tall, powerful, and demands people make room for him. At the same time, he wears heels, makeup and even uses pronouns that are (usually) used by women. His beauty covers all aspects of the word.

I think that's all i gotta say. His interview with trey was kind of uneventful. It's cute how Trey was excited to throw the pie at him tho. And i love that he has a ponytail. I wanna pull it so bad. Out of all the third years, Vil is my top three, which is a high honor since i...uh, well, let's say the younger ones get my attention more.

With all that said, yaaas kaween slaay.

Happy Birthday Vil Schoenheit! 🦚

[sd1d-enthusiast]

Eren and Normalizing Selfish Death Confessions

An analysis on Death in AOT by u/GibbyGG16 that was made here. I thought to share this analysis because too many people in the AOT fandom have completely missed the entire point of Eren’s breakdown in chapter 139. Eren is not an incel or a simp. He is human. Post begins here:

Background: There's a lot of criticism about Eren's words to Armin about him secretly wanting to be with Mikasa forever and that he would hate for her to move on and forget him. Many people have called him possessive, a simp, or an incel. However I don't think these selfish feelings make him any of those, nor do they diminish the act of sacrifice he does. In fact, despair in the face of one's death for the strong & selfless, and the need to be remembered is a recurring theme throughout Attack on Titan. In this analysis, I'll look to use examples in AOT to layout why this scene is natural.

Part 1: How does one react to one's own death?

Example 1: Carla Yeager

We don't get to know Carla too well, except that she deeply loves Eren and that her death is arguably the catalyst for Eren's rage against the world. However while she is a loving mother, she is still human. When the Smiling Titan attacks, many will remember Carla pleading with Hannes to make the safe choice and flee with Mikasa and Eren. Despite her selfless sacrifice and words, many likely forget that she covers her mouth so as to not scream "Don't leave me". Despite her motherly love for Eren, even she can barely resist screaming the selfish words that would have likely killed her son. Her most selfish desire is to live yet we do not condemn her for being a coward. Instead we praise her for her strength and courage in spite of such fear. Death is scary, and it's action in spite of fear that defines courage.

Example 2: Mike Zacharias

Though a minor character, Mike is likely remembered by hardcore fans as humanity's second strongest. Despite no Ackerman blood, he is considered a near peer to Levi in combat abilities as a human. Simply put, his combat prowess is likely near unstoppable. He meets his tragic fate in Zeke's first appearance, where is caught off guard in a combat terrain unfavorable for ODM gear, the abnormality of a Shifter Titans behaviors and being greatly outnumbered.

Prior to his death, Zeke strips his ODM gear leaving him immobile and vulnerable as his legs had just been crushed. Despite his lack of options, Mike gathers the courage to fight to his death. How does he die? He screams in anguish and dies a horrifying death, being ripped apart by multiple titans. Despite the power of humanity's second strongest, he is still human. He cannot hear but scream in pain, showing to us even the strongest fear death. Being strong does not make you immune from the pains and anguish of dying.

Example 3: Marlowe Freudenberg

Many will remember another minor character, a former Military Police turned scout Marlowe. Marlowe joins the scout after the events of Historia's ascension to the throne to help retake Wall Maria. Prior to his joining his friend Hitch tries to talk him out of joining the Scouts. Unknown to the oblivious Marlowe, Hitch clearly harbors romantic feelings for him and is worried about his safety.

In Erwin's death charge against Zeke, Marlowe is amongst the many recruits asked to act as diversion for Levi to attack the Beast Titan from behind. This guaranteed suicide charge results in Marlowe being crushed and killed by a boulder. In his last moments, the brave and naive Marlowe, the one who tells Hitch off for thinking about personal safety over the importance of the Scout's mission thinks of only two things:

Hitch

The thought of being safe

Marlowe's last thoughts do not make him a coward. He is a simply man asked to die. Even knowing he is going to die, he cannot help but let his mind wander. Wanting to be with your loved ones instead of dying is not cowardly, it's human.

Example 4: Bertholdt Hoover

The infamous original holder of the Colossal Titan, is a mild and meek man which contrasts greatly with the most fearsome and destructive power of all Titans that is not the Founding. In the introduction of Bertholdt, we know him as someone who cares for Annie, does not have initiative, and is conflicted by his mission to kill those in Paradis.

However in spite of his misgivings, Bertholdt resolves to see his mission to the very end, killing his precious nakamas. One quote truly defines how resigned Bertholdt is to his fate: "I feel like, no matter how this all plays out, I can accept whatever happens. That's right, nobody's in the wrong. There's nothing we could do. Because this world... is just... that cruel".

Though Bertholdt reaches inner peace and acceptance for both the cruel actions he must take and his potential death in this decisive battle, his stoicism is not unshakable. In an effort to save Armin's life, the scouts transform Armin into a pure Titan which proceeds to devour Bertholdt. Despite his seemingly new resolve, Bertholdt's last moments are now that of a man accepting his death peacefully. Instead he screams and begs for his friends to save his life. Resolving and accepting your death does not mean going into it quietly.

Part 2 - The desire to be remembered

Example 1: Erwin's speech

As Erwin prepares his scouts for a suicide charge against the Beast Titan, Erwin must convince his soldiers of the utility of their sacrifice. His speech is: "Does that mean life is meaningless? Was there even any meaning in our being born? Would you say that of our fallen comrades? Their lives Were they meaningless? No, they weren't! It's us who gives meaning to our comrade's lives! The brave fallen! The anguished fallen! The ones who will remember them are us, the living! We die trusting the living who follow to find meaning in our lives! That is the sole method in which we can rebel against this cruel world!"

Erwin's motivational speech is interesting because it does not guarantee victory nor does it guarantee survival. In fact Erwin is letting everyone you will die. However it's not fame, heroism, nor glory that Erwin uses to encourage his Scouts it's the hope they will live on in the memory of the living. Erwin recognizes a person's life continues to have meaning so long as the living remembers them. A person dies twice, once when they take their final breath, and later, the last time their name is spoken."

Example 2: Sasha, Erwin, Hange, and the Scouts that have fallen

Though the series is a fantasy series, there is no real concept of ghosts and after life. There is one exception to this, and that is the sacrifice of the scouts watching their comrades carry forward their mission:

In Hange's last stand, she is killed stalling the Wall Titans from reaching the Alliance. In her death she is greeted by Erwin and others.

As Levi lays after the final battle, with his legs rendered useless on the battlefield he sees all the nakamas he's lost over the years, telling them he's finally completed their mission

As Connie and Jean survey the remnants of the battle field, they see Sasha smiling at them one last time

Whether these ghosts are real or not, they are real to our protagonists. They appear as sacrifices of the past, but also because we continue they continue to live through us, in our ideals, our goals, and our feelings. Long after one has died, it is not only their memories that the living carry, it is their will as well.

Part 3: How does this all relate to Eren's confession to Armin he wishes for Mikasa to not forget him?

Eren's confession in chapter 139 should be understood in the context of a man's last words before he dies. Facing certain death, Eren's facade finally breaks after 4 years of hiding his loneliness, guilt of the future sins he will commit, and despair he must move forward. He's become a slave to the future, and while he has agency, he feels he must take these steps to ensure the survival of his friends.

Not only is Eren about to die, he is about to die without ever confessing his love to Mikasa. Yes, Eren loves Mikasa and it's been strongly hinted at throughout the series:

When he tells her he will wrap the scarf around her as many times as he likes

When he asks her "What is he to her?" hoping for an answer he has already seen she will not give that will give him the excuse to abandon his destiny

When he looks fondly at the memory of him giving Mikasa the scarf

Armin is startled by Eren's statement that he doesn't want Mikasa to move on and find someone else, and he wants to be with her forever. Not only are the statements considered awkward by Armin, he's shocked someone like Eren would ever find the courage to say such words outloud.

Why does Eren say this?

Because he is about to die. We know death does the following to us:

Death is scary, and it's action in spite of fear that defines courage. Being strong does not make you immune from the pains and anguish of dying.

Wanting to be with your loved ones instead of dying is not cowardly, it's human.

Resolving and accepting your death does not mean going into it quietly.

He doesn't want to be forgotten because:

-A person dies twice, once when they take their final breath, and later, the last time their name is spoken." -Long after one has died, it is not only their memories that the living carry, it is their will as well.

Conclusion: Does this all make Eren's feelings selfish?

Yes. He is selfish because he is human. He is a 19 year old boy in love and about to die without ever confessing to Mikasa. But what does Eren do in spite of his human emotions?

He asks Armin to never tell Mikasa the depths of his feelings

He consistently pushes Mikasa away and his last words to her are to forget him

Eren's actions are selfless. While he naturally fears death and struggles with the thought of dying both a physical and spiritual death, he does everything in his power to push Mikasa away. He is not an incel, he is not simp, nor does he love Mikasa possessively. He is a young man, tragically coping with his inevitable demise, and the necessary actions to ensure the one he loves the most moves on in spite of his own desires.

TLDR: Eren's selfish feelings are a natural reaction echoed through characters we've seen throughout AOT. What should define his character is not those desires, but what he does in spite of them. Him asking Mikasa to forget him is selfless and simply tragic.

[pumpumdemsugah]

I loved the OG 4400 so I tried the new one and it was ass. Typical CW mess but because it had a primarily black and gay cast I gave it a shot. It’s just very cliche and bland like it’s something that might have been interesting in 2010 but these days you have to say something important and be entertaining like having diversity and not really making the story intriguing outside of that doesn’t actually mean anything at least not to me. That’s my issue with a lot of media today like unless it’s prestige or culturally specific, they just check all the boxes but it’s superficial af like they don’t invest in the characters past their identities or give them well developed plots like every non white/straight person is a token and that’s even more disrespectful to me than not even having gays/poc around. I’d rather not be in the room than be reduced to one part of my identity idk

This is a big reason I'm checked out for most shows

They do diversity and either make their character sound like a viral twitter post or they forget to give them a personality or motive. Basically, utterly inhuman with a boring plot. It's like if you're going to be racist in such a convoluted way make the story slap. Make me hate myself for liking a show with racistly done characters but nah. A bunch of mediocre too bad shit and what's worse is they don't even act like the show is mediocre, they want big praise for not delivering... It's arrogant

It shows white writers really struggle to see people not like them as full complex people

It's like they're punishing us for 'forcing' them to try to sympathise with not white not straight characters by making it feel like diversity caused this and not them being deeply incompetent and a little racist

We should beat them all with a belt

[alexiaugustin]

so after all these early reviews where people were praising s&b netflix for accurately representing jesper's bisexuality and the director and writers patting themselves on the back for their woke takes on jesper's bisexuality within the show all of this was.... simply people straight up lying lmfao. not once during the whole damn show did they ever lable jesper as bisexual NOR did they indicate that he was bisexual. some people really tried to convince us that we would get whole ass conversations between jesper and other characters that would make clear that he's bisexual, yet it never happened- except for ofc how could i forget,, that one conversation between inej and jesper where inej needs to remind jesper to focus on the heist instead of flirting with a stablehand because of course comic relief character jesper always gets distracted and is not to be trusted since he has a gambling addiction and is attracted to ppl as soon as they breathe near him cuz that's just how bisexuals are like! (but then again who knows if show!jesper is actually bisexual, they don't seem to want to specify that)

throwing in that random sex scene that did absolutely nothing for that plot and only existed for the woke points and to prove to us that jesper is queer (but god forbid making clear that he's bisexual tho!!) is still so fucking dumb i don't even want to get into that again, i've already talked about it and my opinion on it hasn't changed one bit. but given the context, the execution of that scene was even more unnecessary because they never made clear that jesper was bisexual even though he simply... could have had so many iconic conversations with inej and so on and so forth but they just... completely ignored the fact until they suddenly remembered "oh wait... jesper isn't straight right?? mhh what if we just let him make out with a stablehand in ep5 and then just move past this but still get the diversity points??😁". bisexual representation was erased from that show and queer representation nothing but an afterthought. also not suprised that even the host of that after show party or whatever else it was said that jesper is gay because yeah... they truly made it seem like that on the show, i don't remember him ever having shown any interest in girls OR him simply labeling himself as bisexual (cause obviously he doesn't need to like ""prove"" that he's bisexual by flirting with or talking abt girls) so if i wouldn't know the books i would have probably come to the same conclusion :) just imagine how flat lines like "just girls?- not not just girls" would fall if wylan showed up next season because as a show only viewer i would genuinely be like... he... likes girls?? since when lmao?

bisexual nina??? these writers have never heard of it and show only watchers will probably never hear of it either because... why give us female bisexual representation if she's in relationship with a man anyways? maybe all bisexual women who are in m/f relationships are secretly straight, aren't they?? :) they never even bothered to mention her in one single one of their interviews as if it's THAT hard to at least explain that the show will make clear that there are more lgbt characters n especially women in later seasons lmao.

so in conclusion, s&b netflix did exactly what modern media loves to do; making it seem as if a bisexual man is gay and a bisexual woman is straight and i feel like throwing my phone out of the window each time reviews praise "the bisexual representation" on s&b because it simply didn't exist.

[ellelans]

You made a tag comment about how Buddie wasn't planned from the beginning. And therefore what we got in Season 2 wasn't (at the time) the groundwork for a love story. I agree completely! Much of it I can see as either a bit of fun (the Christmas elf, the instagram girl) or that kind of hyper-masc heterosexuality that loops around itself and becomes gay (Buck's whole...thing with Eddie in the beginning, the focus on Eddie's body/hotness/physical appearance). But sometimes I step back and look at the whole and I'm all 🧐 🤔.

I don't even know what I'm asking lol. Would just love your thoughts/feelings on the confusing spectacle that are Buck and Eddie in season 2. And when/how/why did the show change their mind?

Thank you so much for the ask and you know what? Let’s talk about it.I recently had an in depth chat about this pretty unpopular opinion with a friend and I tried to explain to her why I don't see buddie as an actual pairing or having any canon potential until early s3 and why I don't believe they were planned from the beginning.This will be long and all over the place of course lol

The first and the most obvious reason is the way 911 deals with main characters and their romantic arcs.They don't actually drag it on for long because there is no need or time for that since every single main character has a strong storyline of their own and any romantic development between any pair as an additional combined storyline. Relationships happen fast on 911 because they are planned ahead and the only relationship that took longer than usual few episodes was Chim and Maddie and they were already kissing and planning a date in 2x11.

Also when shows enter their second season there is never a way to predict how long it will stay on the air and because of that it is impossible for me to believe that buddie was planned as some epic old school slowburn that is nowhere as close to be resolved after 3 seasons.When I say old school slowburn I mean shows that have this one heterosexual romance at the center of the universe that is usually stretched across seasons and builds up sexual tension between characters and it takes literally years for them to finally get together.We have these two characters that where made for each other and you KNOW that they will eventually get together because of some ridiculous pining that will eventually end in a kiss and everyone will scream and cry.And maybe that’s how buddie feels to me now after years of careful build up-but the way I see it they as a potential something didn't happen in s2.

We all joke about how character introduction of Eddie is the gayest we have ever seen and Buck's reaction to him as true bisexual and I do that myself too because I am a bisexual too and tbh its hard to unsee (also I don't want to) but lets remove our rainbow glasses for a second. What really did happened in that scene? Eddie's perfect abs on display,Chim and Hen fun comments on how beautiful he is,Bobby's praise and bragging about getting Eddie and his Silver Star on the team and Buck's insecurities flaring up as a reaction to all of this.Buck immediately feels threatened.At this point we of course have no idea how deeply his insecurities run or why,but as episode progresses we witness Eddie on his first call making a better decision to how to handle a medical situation and backed up by Bobby.It has sort of a devastating effect on Buck,who suddenly starts acting like we have never seen him before.Then there is a that scene at the gym where Buck tells Eddie how he is his problem. And later we of course have the scene in ambulance when Eddie asked what exactly they are measuring. Because that's what it looked like - a usual macho men measuring context. But the thing is 911 doesn’t toxic masculinity when it comes to main male characters and we saw many examples of that already by then,but the biggest one was supposed to be BuckandEddie. Equals,partners and best friends.

911 was already pushing boundaries with cast,characters and relationships diversity and I strongly believe that what they wanted to show us was a male equivalent of what we are used to see in female bffs -a different kind of a friendship between men. Men who care about each other,who talk about feelings,discuss sex,dating or why they don’t,who again openly acknowledge that they find each other attractive and giving advices on how to take a more flattering selfie,who are not afraid of crying, admit they are struggling or heartbroken or loving their kid.Honestly when was the last time any of us saw a male friendship like theirs?Men are not allowed to be like that on TV (I am still shocked that its a Fox show tbh) and especially with each other.We are not used to see such a development so no wonder people started paying attention-which was what writers wanted,of course.

But that also brings us to that important question about queer undertones,subtext and do what we actually see in s2. Are there queer undertones?Absolutely. Subtext?It’s right there but you will probably not get it unless you’re reading between the lines.Before we get to Christmas Elf,there was ‘’He is cute!/He gets that a lot,you should’ve seen his kid...’’ Maddie and Buck scene that is once again reinforces that Buck finds Eddie attractive and it shouldn’t be a surprise because we already know from 2x01 he has eyes - but they mention it AGAIN and that personally made me raise a brow or two.By the time we get to that Christmas episode,we already have Shannon back and Buck finally moved on from Abby with Taylor and then Ali and then we are given another queer coded scene-with Christmas elf.And its very cute and to an average heterosexual viewer its a nice little joke,but any queer watching that scene was probably taken aback a little.

So why imo did Tim&Co do it and when they realized they can actually see where they can take BuckandEddie and when they started becoming buddie?My answer is ship teasing.It’s what a lot of people actually mistake for queer baiting,but we are not talking about that rn.Ship teasing works like charm and if shows can get away with that-they will totally use it to their advantage.It’s usually not always malicious,but it IS always intentional because that brings in a category of people that were overlooked for a long time-online fandom.Now I have seen some opinions that fandom doesn’t really matter,it’s the ratings that count and that is NOT TRUE.You can have your ratings,but if there is no buzz online?Your show is going nowhere.For at least a decade now every self-respecting production has teams to monitor fandom activities because it gives them better ideas about how consumers(fans) are interacting with their product (show).Fandom is important because we generate the buzz.So I do believe that BuckandEddie and that sweet ship teasing were to get a certain part of the fandom pay attention.

I wasn’t here when S2 aired so I don’t know if that was the case,but it is obvious that these scenes I talked about above made fans pay a LOT of attention. And maybe that was the reaction writers needed to start changing course from ship teasing to start building up to something else.They maybe didn’t plan it at the very beginning and on paper,but lets also not forget the insane chemistry between Oilver and Ryan,which imo is another big reason-it's impossible to ignore.

Because S3?Is light years away from S2 in terms of BuckandEddie-they became buddie.In s3 Buck and Eddie become each other’s significant other,they are in a primary relationship. ’’Buck invites Eddie...’’?!!!!! It is not yet romantic and probably won’t be until ending of s5 if we are lucky-but it is in your face,they are not subtle anymore.I personally saw buddie only at the end of 3x03 when Eddie came over and said that there is noone in the world he trusts with his son more than Buck, looking like he did into Buck’s eyes,while ‘Photograph’ played in the background right before Buck’s overvoice about being seen and found and a raft to bring one home. After S4 ending tho...we all know that something is about to happen and its like there is electricity in the air as we are waiting for s5!

Probably a lot more thoughts than you expected,but I have many feelings about these two and when buddie goes canon this post will become completely irrelevant lol 💖 

[lucianalight]

Hi, I wanted to ask what do you think about new vid by That Star Wars Girl on YT called "First Thor, then Valkyrie and now Loki to be changed to a LGBTQA character?" Ive no problem with Loki being pansexual/genderfluid as its part of his character in all incarnations. But I couldnt agree more with her abt everything else she said. I also fear his character is not really important for the creators and the story anymore, just used to get some PC points aside from milking money out of fans. Thanks

Hi dear anon. Sorry for answering late. I was on a long hiatus. This ask was sent to me on July 31, 2019.

The only thing in the whole video I could agree with, was that sexuality shouldn’t be the focus of the characters who already have an established arc. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be part of their story.

As far as Loki concerned, I don’t mind if he is shown to be genderfluid. Meaning I’d like to see him turn into Lady Loki once or twice as long as it is related to plot. But I’d like to see Tom’s Loki for the majority of series because it’s the Loki I’ve come to know and love. It’s the Loki I want to see heal, and grow and get a happy ending. I don’t mind if his sexuality is addressed but again if it’s related to plot. Generally though, I’m not interested in a romantic story for Loki. Since I think he needs a friend more than anything. What I want to see in Loki series, is that Loki comes to accept himself, his lineage and heal from his pain and mental issues.

The story of turning Jane into mighty Thor has been controversial since it was first introduced in the comics. I can agree with those who say it doesn’t make sense that Jane becomes Thor, since every other character in the comics who were able to lift Mjolnir, didn’t lose their identity including Cap and Loki. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Jane, a woman becoming worthy of Mjolnir. In fact, I like that particular story in comics. It has its flaws but I enjoyed reading it.

I also don’t see anything wrong with Valkyrie being bisexual and have a woman love interest. In fact, it was supposed to be shown in TR that, the warrior who saves her and dies in the process was her lover. But that was cut.

The thing is imo she resorts to fallacies, specifically strawmanning to explain her dislike of diverse and queer representation in the movies. She claims they turn characters queer, so people who are queer can identify with them. It’s actually the opposite. People already like and identify with these characters. That’s why they like to see themselves, part of their identity in these characters. And of course, people are more than their sexuality but representation matters. Queer/LGBTQAI+ are not boxes, or limitations. They are as normal as being cisgender and heterosexual. No one ever protests why characters are shown cis and hetero. That’s where the hypocrisy shows itself. Take phase 1 for example that she praises so much because of the focus on the good story telling. And she’s right. But she seems to forget that romance is part of almost all the stories of phase 1. Tony’s love for Pepper, Thor’s love for Jane, Steve’s love for Peggy. Have you ever heard “Why Tony/Thor/Steve is shown to be heterosexual! They are more than that!”. No, because being cis and hetero is perceived to be the default/normal. No one ever questions that. Almost all of the male MCU heroes have a female love interest in their solo movies. Have you ever heard anyone question that or claim that there is nothing else going for them than sexual orientation? Have you ever heard anyone claims by showing them to be heterosexual they are being put into a box? That it puts limitation on the character? And what does she mean by saying “just because it’s canon doesn’t mean is good”? I can accept this about story line but about sexuality??? Absolutely not. Sexual orientation is not good or bad. It just is. On one hand she says to create new characters if you want representation and on the other hand she says even if it’s canon it’s not good? I mean what? That’s totally contradictory and it means you can’t get representation at all because if you create it, even then it might not be good! Also two white dudes playing Norse gods is not diversity, just saying.

Up to now, we haven’t seen any of the movies which supposed to have queer representation. So saying sexuality is all there’s to these characters and there’s no story based on an article, or fans enthusiasm for representation, is fallacy. There’s no evidence that it’s true. Or that's the only thing Marvel cares about. Tbh what Marvel has done till today is queer baiting imo.

Since phase 3, MCU’s focus wasn’t characters or good story telling. The movies are plot driven and only try to move characters from one point of story to another without actually giving them any meaningful arc. This much is true. But queer and diverse representation is not limiting the characters or hasn't been the reason for it.

I understand that sometimes some fans are annoyed that it seems all others care about is queer representation or romantic story lines, without caring about character arcs. But here’s the thing. We can’t control and decide for people what to like and care about in their fandom. And we shouldn’t. Everyone want different things in a fandom and I think they are all valid.

[ibethalantyr]

To His Most Radiant of Lathander, Kelddath Ormlyr, Governor of Beregost

Your Excellency,

Please find enclosed with this letter extracts copied from my personal papers detailing the incident we discussed last month.  Sincere apologies for the delay: I have found my papers to be in an odd state of disarray owing to an (unrelated) magical problem. This manuscript was created approximately three days after the incident described, during which time I had undertaken further investigations, the fruits of which are also recorded here.  I assert, on oath as you instructed, that no material has been altered or omitted within its continuous length, making said length wholly your own fault.  The absence of personal names is consistent with the original, a practice I have adopted in all similar papers as a defense against magical surveillance. No post facto alterations have been made.  “The gnome” refers to that individual whose name I disclosed to you at our earlier meeting.

I hereby consent that you or your appointed representative inspect the original to confirm my sworn assertions above, with the stipulation that such an inspection take place within the walls of the High Hedge House, as we discussed earlier discussed.

***

The old conjurer is convinced that there are few things easier than for a wizard to go bad, and few things worse than a bad wizard.  The gnome, unfortunately, is just the latest proof.

Upon reading this line, he is discomfited to discover that it sounds like the product of some Athkatlan zealot pamphleteer rather than a long practicing conjurer with some professional pride.  As such, some clarifications are needed before he proceeds further.

There are “few things worse than a bad wizard” because wizards hold considerable power for making their plans and desires a reality, and so when those plans or desires turn toward the selfish, the callous, or the hateful, the scale of damage a wizard then creates is larger than the average creature.  Powerful wizards can - and do - kill, enslave, and mutilate for no reason at all, or for no reason other than that they want to.  Even the gnome’s peculiar penchant for petrification is not unique, although the power to do so is unique to wizards.  But while the power to do certain kinds of damage is unique to us, it is not uniquely large: a bad king, or a bad merchant, or a bad priest can leave a trail of damage at least as long behind them.

Even when writing “there are few things easier than for a wizard to go bad,” it is not the old conjurer’s intention to assert that there is anything inherently corrupting about either the study or practice of the Art.  Years of honing and exercising power - whether arcane or otherwise - simply make it fit comfortably in the hand, and may (not to say must) bring out the worst parts of a practitioner’s personality.  Magic - or better, power - will not make a person bad, but it may make a bad person worse.

The gnome’s first letter arrived a little more than a year ago.  He was a very pleasant correspondent: a fellow conjurer (unusual for one of his species) who was pursuing a research project, a project on which he had hoped for some assistance.  He was interested in a refinement of the monster summoning spell which would allow for the conjuration of a specific type of creature - a greater basilisk.  Both the specificity of the summoning and the power of the creature involved would represent significant advancements to the classic form of the monster summoning genre, making this a very exciting project indeed. To be invited to contribute to such an undertaking was extremely flattering.

What prompted the first letter (or so the gnome claimed at the time) was a treatise that the old conjurer had written many years before, dealing with the bound loyalty of summoned creatures.  This is a topic about which most specialists show little interest, but which was especially interesting to the old conjurer due to its relevance to his old favorite question (creation vs. summoning). The gnome’s interest was more practical. Unless the loyalty of a summoned basilisk could be assured with the same level of certainty as for other objects of a monster summoning, the spell itself would be nearly suicidal to attempt. Flattered by the approach and (to tell the truth) lonely for professional conversation, the old conjurer was only too happy to reply.

And so the correspondence began.  Every few weeks, a new letter would arrive, full of compliments for the old conjurer’s insights and with new questions, born (it would seem) from the gnome’s ongoing observations of the basilisk’s life cycle.  It made for a pleasant diversion from the often mundane work of a magical shopkeeper, and reminded the old conjurer of his younger, more ambitious days.

Then, about a month ago, a letter of a different sort came. Still full of effusive praise, but this time with a request rather than a question.  Could the old conjurer create an item - an amulet or a ring perhaps - incorporating some of the techniques they had discussed?  Such an item would be an invaluable tool for studying basilisks in the wild, and potentially provide an essential proof of concept for the loyalty portion of the planned spell which, from the sound of it, was nearly complete. Excited by the prospect of contributing, even in a small way, to such a breakthrough, the old conjurer readily agreed, and set a date for the gnome to come to his stately house and collect the item in question.

The meeting - their first and only in the flesh - had started out quite cordially, though in hindsight there had been a number of danger signs even then that the old conjurer should have recognized. The gnome had been immoderately pleased with the ring, which he expected would serve only too well. When the old conjurer, who had planned a number of experiments to test the efficacy of the new and innovative enchantment, heard this, he expressed considerable surprise.  How could the gnome be so certain?  He smiled chillingly, and in a voice I will never forget, replied,

“Allow me to demonstrate.”

The gnome then began to cast.  Based on the wording and structure, it was a gate spell of some sort, though modified and radically simplified, probably castable as a sixth-tier working. At the end of the incantation, the gnome spat out an object, probably the scale of a greater basilisk, given that that is what appeared in the middle of the old conjurer’s sitting room.  Before he could recover from the shock of this, the gnome brandished his new ring and ordered the beast to turn the old conjurer to stone.

By happy accident, the old conjurer was prepared for such an attack.  Expecting to see a controlled version of the proposed summoning spell in action, he had prepared a contingency spell that would protect him from petrification in the event that a basilisk or similar creature came within 60 feet of him. While the old conjurer had been caught unaware, the spell had not, and so he was protected from the attack even before it was ordered.

Unfortunately, he had lost valuable time, and the gnome at least had come prepared for a fight.  Magical duels general follow a classic form.  First, cast spells of defense, generally an illusion or a direct abjuration.  By the time the old conjurer had gotten to his feet, the gnome was already mirror imaged.  A low level defense, but a wise one on the whole. As a fellow conjurer, he knew only too well that his opponent had made no study of the sort of major divinations that provide the most direct countermeasure. He had also guessed rightly that I would be unwilling to destroy my own house with a fireball, and a mirror image provides more than adequate protection against more precise forms of offensive spell casting.  It also frees up higher tier spells for offensive use.

But not quite yet.  For, before moving on to physical harm, most mages will first make an attack on the minds of their opponents, a gambit that is both defensive and offensive, in that it undermines the ability to attack and defend simultaneously. Enchantment spells are the most common choice in such situations. The gnome had instead begun a spell which used heavily necromantic vocabulary. Horror, then: lower level and quicker to cast than most offensive enchantments, but correspondingly easier to resist. With a mirror image in place, successful disruption would be very unlikely, even if the old conjurer had prepared for a duel.  He had not.  He is a shopkeeper, and had been expecting a pleasant conversation with a colleague and then a normal day’s work.

But one must work with the materials to hand. Having been planning to finish brewing a stock of potion, the old conjurer had a spell of lesser invisibility prepared. Even with the gnome’s head start, he would be able to cast it on himself before the horror spell was complete. He did. Barely.

Luckily - or perhaps not; fear had been the old conjurer’s frequent companion for years - he was able to resist the spell. Even more luckily, his invisible state meant the gnome had no way of knowing that. This was not the sort of fight for which he had prepared. In all likelihood, the gnome had expected either to turn his host to stone at once or else to engage in a lengthy and intricate spell duel. Given the low level opening moves, he had probably reserved his higher level preparations (which would be at least sixth-tier, judging by the gate spell) for breaching spell defenses and dealing maximum punishment afterward. A game of cat and mouse with an old coward was not at all what he had been expecting.

He said as much, and more besides. That the old conjurer was an self-absorbed fool, so easy to flatter and manipulate. That he, the gnome, had only ever been interested in controlling basilisks and that the method had not concerned him. That he had already worked out the gate spell before writing for the first time, having been living for some time at a basilisk’s nest in the barrens east of town. That he had only ever wanted a control item, and had been feeding the old conjurer the information - and the simpering flattery - that he would need to complete it. He had discovered the treatise later and thought it would be the perfect way to start an acquaintance, and that the old conjurer would be the perfect mark. Real mages, after all, aren’t soft-skinned school boys interested in books and minutia.  Real wizards seek to be as powerful as possible for as little effort as possible, so that they could do was they pleased. And that what pleased him was to take possession of this comfortable house and mount its previous owner on one of the turrets as a gargoyle.

How much of this is true, the old conjurer cannot be sure. He is a fool, certainly. No question of that.

But one does not live to be an old fool without learning a thing or two. He had known fear and danger, and he had known magical duels aplenty once upon a time. In that time, the old conjurer had discovered - like many greater wizards before and since - that winning such a contest has less to do with sheer power than many mages would like to think. At least as important, perhaps even more important, is timing. The most powerful mages can hurl swarms of fiery meteors capable of devastating whole towns. Such castings take time, however, and in the time that a great archmage is rattling off the necessary incantation, the greenest apprentice can shoot off a single magic missile, breaking his counterpart’s concentration and wasting the whole effort. And if that apprentice has brave friends with weapons, that may be the end of that.

As he crept invisibly around the sitting room, listening to the gnome rant and watching him pocket various valuable items, the old conjurer was trying to work out the timing. Presuming he did nothing more vigorous than creep, the invisibility spell would last a full day. He could try to escape and raise the alarm, but he was unwilling to leave the gnome alone in the house, with so many valuable and dangerous weapons with which to arm himself. (Truth be told, he was also unwilling to confess to others the depth of his ego and his blindness, an unwillingness he still feels). Perhaps he could simply leave the room, grab his staff and a few scrolls, then return to the fight on equal footing? But the gnome seemed to be thinking along similar lines, for he quickly ordered his pet monster to block one door, and was now busily looking for any others. As it happened, there weren’t any secret passages out of the room, a problem to which the old conjurer should tend soon.

So, it would come down to timing, If he simply waited, the mirror image would wear off in a matter of minutes, leaving the gnome vulnerable to attack. But any such attack would reveal his presence not only to the gnome but to the basilisk as well. How long the monster would remain was impossible to say. Summoning spells generally expire after about an hour, but this wasn’t a traditional summoning spell.  How long could he afford to wait?

The gnome was getting more and more frustrated. He began to cast again, this time an enchantment. The old conjurer steeled himself, ready to fight off an intellectual or emotionally attack. But then he recognized the spell: the greater malison, designed to weaken his magical defenses. His impatient house guest wanted this over as quickly as possible, and intended to make it more likely that whatever dire or spectacular working he attempted next would be the last he would need. But what would he choose? 

Creeping closer, the old conjurer watched as the gnome pulled from his pocket a single black pearl. As he crushed it to dust, the conjurer moved too. Picking up an empty potion bottle, he smashed it to shards against the table.  The gnome, who had just begun the death spell incantation, flinched at the noise, and at his enemy’s sudden appearance within arms reach of him. He did not break his concentration, however. The conjurer began an incantation of his own: feeblemind.  The spell was complex, though less so than the death spell.  He should be able to complete it before the gnome could complete his.  Then it would be down to whether the gnome would be able to resist.  Seeming to realize this, he split into a mad grin.  At the same moment, his mirror images flickered and went out, leaving only the real gnome, still mid spell.

And the old conjurer cast.  But rather than casting at the gnome himself, he aimed his spell squarely at the ring on his finger.

The old conjurer is a shopkeeper, and he knows a thing or two about magic items. One thing he knows is that properly enchanted items remain receptive to magic for a certain amount of time after the completion of the spell. The ring was still within that receptive period, and by design. The old conjurer had not yet cast the spell that would make it’s basilisk-control powers permanent, wanting to be sure first that the experimental spell was effective. Instead, he added the feeblemind spell, because of something else he knows. When enchanting items, it is possible for the items to “resist” receiving the spell, much as a person might. An items ability to resist is always tied to the enchanter’s own magical resistance, resistance that the gnome himself had attacked. So, by targeting the ring rather than the gnome himself, the old conjurer had greatly diminished the ability of the gnome to resist the spell.

The fact that he sits here writing about it attests to his success. The feeblemind spell attached itself to the ring and badly damaged the mind of the casting gnome. His death spell died on his lips, though the look of shock and incredulity that he wore suggested that his mind was not so damaged as was usually the case. The basilisk, too, linked to the mind of its master, simply stood stupidly in the doorway of sitting room.

Knowing the importance of timing, the old conjurer set about removing his guests, both wanted and unwanted, as quickly as possible. Given the hasty construction of the gate spell - the old conjurer suspects that the gnome had opted for such a simple conjuration as a time saving measure - he surmised that a simple “dispel magic” would dispatch the basilisk back where it came from. Stuffing the basilisk scale back into the gnome’s gaping mouth, the old conjurer focused his dispelling on the creature.  Both it, and its master, vanished without a trace, leaving the old conjurer with a bleeding hand (he’d needed the glass for his spell), a wrecked sitting room, and a sick, empty feeling.

In the time since he has tended his hand with bandages and the feeling with research (the room will have to wait until his hand is better). This is what the old conjurer has discovered so far. The “summoning” spell the gnome created was in fact a modified gate spell. He was able to cast it at the sixth tier rather than the usual ninth because of his deep knowledge of basilisks and, more importantly, because he had hidden the basilisk nearby, in a small cove on the coast. The sirines had told him that they had seen a gnome matching his guest’s description anchoring a ship there for the last several weeks, most recently unloading a large crate. Disturbingly, it was one of several. The rest were not onboard when the ship returned for its addled master a few days later. His mind was apparently intact enough for him to operate the ship, though not successfully.  It wrecked a few miles to the south. The whereabouts of the gnome himself are at this time unknown, but inquiries continue.  Hopefully, his mind is now too damaged to perform further magic, or at least magic at the level he once practiced.  It would be foolish to take too much for granted, however.  And to judge by his horrific actions so far, a diseased mind did not stop him from being a mage before I intervened, so there is no reason to expect that it will be so now.

It is far too easy for a wizard to go bad, whether out callous greed or ego and loneliness. A lesson learned.

***

Well, that’s the worst of it. I suspect he’s hiding somewhere northeast of town, but it would probably be best to wait for him to come to us rather than place a bounty on his head.  If he remains in possession of his powers and his monsters, he will be a more formidable foe than most around here can manage, and if we are to fight him ourselves, I would prefer to have the advantage of defense.  But then, perhaps I am a coward after all.

-T

[michaelsheenpt]

Michael Sheen Only Wants To Play Bizarre Characters, And We Should Respect That

Hollywood’s preference for neatly categorizing the legions of good-looking thespians that grace our screens every year is fairly obvious. We used to silo the men and women who are cutting a check for acting out fantasies in theaters and on TV as either movie stars or dramatic actors. The former was the hook that studios hung tentpole blockbusters on: charming, impossibly masculine, glamorous, famous as much for their real-life personas as they were for the characters they played on screen. The latter? Those were the Oscar-winners, the critical darlings, the Jeremy Strongs making bold choices, begging directors to tear-gas them on sets in the name of storytelling.

The divergent path has merged some over the years. There’s no clear, defining line separating bankable talent from actual talent. Chris Evans can brandish a shield in Marvel behemoths one second, then don an unkempt beard and heavy demeanor for a limited drama on Apple TV+ the next. Jon Hamm, who rose to fame playing an arrogant, adulterous ad executive in ’60s era Mad Men is now one of the most unpredictably exciting comedic actors in the game. Chadwick Boseman brought a royal Wakandan superhero to life in Black Panther, but he’ll also probably take home posthumous awards for his brilliant turn in an August Wilson adaptation this year.

In Hollywood, you can now be both a movie star and a serious actor, which is what makes Michael Sheen even more interesting. Michael Sheen is decidedly not a movie star. He’s also Welsh, which means he likely doesn’t sport the kind of ego that would make him capable of attaching gravitas to his acting career. He has 93 credits on his IMDb page. He’s played former British Prime Minister Tony Blair thrice, earning awards recognition for his impersonation in the Helen Mirren-starring The Queen. And he’s lit up the small screen with guest stints on everything from 30 Rock to The Good Wife.

Michael Sheen is, by all accounts, a serious, or at least seriously talented, actor. But he’s also weird as f*ck. I hope he’ll take that as the highest of compliments because it’s the truly bizarre character actors that should be propped up on a pedestal. That’s what Sheen really is: a character actor in his prime, a fearless conqueror on-screen, blazing a path by brandishing his quirky habits and secret love for creating chaos while leaving behind a scorched Earth of conventional conformists in his wake. He’s not like the other girls, and that’s become more apparent as time drags on.

My fascination with Sheen’s filmography began, to my shame, late in his career. His current gig is playing an irresistibly charming serial killer and lauded surgeon named Dr. Martin Whitly on Fox’s Prodigal Son. Perhaps the best praise I can heap on Sheen’s performance is that it convinces me to tune into a network drama every week, a rare feat in the age of streaming. But even that adulation doesn’t paint the whole story of what Sheen’s doing on that show.

Sporting the kind of knit cardigan Ransom Drysdale would be envious of and a crop of wild, grey-dusted curls with just enough kink in them to hint at the perverted madness housed underneath, Sheen’s Whitly is charismatic, comical, and shockingly likable. His unnerving ease at see-sawing between philosophical convos on life and love with his son Malcolm (the excellent Tom Payne) and pragmatically outlining how to dismember a body is at once jarring and, oddly, mesmerizing. Sheen plays him as a perpetually amused psychotic genius, an Einstein whose intelligence is so far above those that keep him captive, it’s almost a joke. And we’re in on it, as the audience, gleefully cackling when Whitly gets overexcited about consulting on the most gruesome homicide cases or, even more disturbingly, momentarily forgetting he once stuffed a woman into a box when he shares a tender exchange with his son. And Sheen embraces the strangeness of the man, rejoicing in his eccentricities, adding a musical flair to every “My boy,” he greets Malcolm with and relishing the more awkward moments by exploiting their inherent comedy. Really, when has a slow-rising hospital bed and distasteful Stephen Hawking joke been funnier?

Lest you think playing a serial killing diva was the most oddball acting choice Sheen has ever made, may I point you to the rest of his film catalog. There’s his mustache-twirling clichéd villain in Dr. Dolittle. The eerily robotic bartender of Passengers. The long-haired alpha Lycan of Underworld. The Tony Blairs (all three of them) and the heavily-bronzed game show hosts of Quiz. The Hot Tub Time Machine hating settling soul mate of Liz Lemon in 30 Rock.

And then there are a handful of performances that live in my own brain, rent-free, like when he played Aro in the Twilight series. Other actors would’ve balked at the challenge of turning a 4,000-year-old Italian vampire riddled with boredom and consumed by unchecked power into something more than just a two-dimensional, cartoonish stereotype, but not Sheen. No, while Robert Pattinson flaunted his constipated sullenness and Kristen Stewart fidgeted and fought to make her character likable, Sheen basked in the camp of it all. He over-enunciated, he exaggerated Aro’s mercurial nature with rapid eye movement, twitchy physicality, and shrieking giggle fits. In the franchise’s final film, just before a climactic battle is set to take place, Sheen throws the atmospheric tension every other actor in the scene has worked so painstakingly hard to build into turmoil. It’s like watching Georgia O’Keefe destroy a room full of paintings, or Heath Ledger’s Joker burn a mountain of money, and it is glorious.

In Tron: Legacy he plays Castor, a maniacal nightclub owner with a consuming love for theatricality. As his guests fall into his well-laid trap, he dances and kicks and shuffles and shouts, wielding a neon-tinted cane like a Barnum and Bailey’s ringmaster and a slicked-back shock-white hairdo that turns him into an analog-style Bowie wannabe. His accent careens into the absurd, from high-pitched lilts to German parody to something I can only describe as Marvel supervillain Arnim Zola on steroids.

In Neil Gaiman’s Amazon Prime comedy Good Omens, Sheen played the anxiety-ridden angel, Aziraphale, a heavenly kiss-ass who befriends David Tennant’s demonic Crowley, and together, the two try to save the world. Playing the more uptight celestial being might not be as fun for any other actor, but Sheen has a hell of a time, dealing nervous spasms and twitchy eyeballs and exaggerated gulps with such a heavy hand, you can’t help but feel sympathy for the straight-laced seraph.

And just when I was ready to conclude my research, feeling quite confident dubbing Sheen’s extensive resume as one of the wilder, diverse acting careers in Hollywood, I stumbled upon Michael Bolton’s Valentine’s Day Special on Netflix. It’s here that Sheen truly goes above and beyond in the name of weird, playing a Bob Fosse parody named Carl Flossy: a gruff, chain-smoking choreographer whose manners are as coarse as his constantly-displayed chest hair. Shouting obscenities at Bolton as he tries to map out a musical dilly that will convince punk kids that old-time rock-n-roll is, in fact, badass, Sheen’s growling criticism and shouted anger is muffled only by the ever-present cigarette dangling from his mouth. He’s an aging Guido-type with an open-neck satin shirt, and inflated confidence, and a mysterious way of drawing out the best in his dancers, one that usually involves throwing the nearest folded chair.

he’s such a well-respected actor who’s worked with Tim Burton, Woody Allen and Ron Howard. I suppose that’s what’s so great about Sheen’s career so far. He’s happy to sacrifice whatever level of stardom and recognition he may have been afforded thanks to his talent and good looks for something even more elusive that blockbuster fame and Academy trophies: the unique ability to disappear into even the most bizarre of characters; to convince audiences he’s no longer Michael Sheen, affable Welshman and ex-husband of thee Kate Beckinsale, but instead, an amalgam of the oddities and freakish individuals he plays on the screen. Michael Sheen might, in truth, be as weird and out there as the characters he inhabits. That’s what makes him great.

FOX’s ‘Prodigal Son’ returns on Tuesday, January 12.

SOURCE

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[bytheangell]

Sing for the Moment

(Read on AO3)

Isabelle hangs up the phone to update her siblings and Magnus that Clary is almost here with Simon, they’re just running late. It doesn’t matter much - these informal nights in don’t really have a set timeframe, and the absence of Biscuit and Simon hasn’t stopped any of them from catching up and drinking while they wait.

Magnus isn’t surprised to hear the tinkering of the piano from the kitchen while he gets more drinks for himself, Alec, Isabelle, and Jace. He made the instrument a permanent feature in his home after Alec brought up his and Jace’s shared fondness of it and how it helps them work through their thoughts sometimes, but neither of them plays much while Magnus was around to overhear, and when he is it’s usually something controlled and classical.

What reaches him now is some pop song from the 2000s, if Magnus remembers correctly, which catches him off-guard entirely.

He’s even more surprised when he returns to the living room to see Alec is the one at the bench, frowning intently down at the keys after messing up.

“C’mon, I know you know it,” Izzy encourages, leaning eagerly over the side of the piano.

“Drinks are staying over here for whenever you’re ready,” Magnus says, setting them down on the table and not bringing them any closer to the intoxicated Lightwood siblings at the piano. Not that he doesn’t trust them not to spill anything on it but… well, he absolutely does not, and that’s a very expensive instrument. Izzy backs away from the piano to get her glass and Alec moves to do the same until Izzy stops him.

“No drink for you until I get my song,” she demands, pouting.

“Iz-” Alec starts.

“Nope,” Izzy says, picking his glass up along with her own and holding it hostage.

“Jace?” Alec tries. “A little help?”

Magnus isn’t sure if Alec’s asking for help in retrieving his drink or in figuring out the part of the song he can’t seem to remember.

“If I do it for you how will you learn?” Jace says, in a slightly mocking tone that makes Magnus think that’s a line Alec used on Jace one too many times in the past.

Instead of arguing Alec sighs and sits back down, adorably resigned, until he remembers the right chords after a few attempts.

Izzy’s so pleased she puts both drinks down on the table again, abandoning them in favor of returning to her brother at the piano. Alec plays the opening chords and when he gets to the melody starts to hum.

Magnus sometimes hears him humming songs around the Loft. He knows Alec can carry a tune, more or less, but when the humming turns into lyrics Magnus is surprised at how good he is at singing. Alec sings quietly but confidently, and Magnus can’t believe this is the first time he’s ever heard Alec sing. Soon Alec’s soft tones are drowned out when Izzy joins in, much louder and a slightly slurred, but still beautiful. As if on cue Jace wanders over as well, drawn in by his siblings’ shift of focus entirely to the music, and Alec instinctively shifts over on the bench to make room for his parabatai who provides some embellished accompaniment and sings as well.

It’s all Magnus can do to stand and watch in awe at the sheer talent of the three of them. Some of it he can tell is carefully honed by practice, the piano playing in particular, but a lot of it is a natural ability. He listens to the shifting keys, the trills of scales, an impressive vibrato, and gets lost in the music so much he almost forgets where he is and who he’s listening to.

When the song finishes Alec, smiling softly, notices Magnus staring in unconcealed admiration. “What?” Alec asks. There's a bit of a furrow to his brow, the confusion clearly showing that he has no idea why Magnus is gaping a little at the performance he just witnessed.

“How,” Magnus asks, astonishment clear in his tone. “Are you all so good at that?” He thinks it's a pretty valid question, but all three of the Lightwood siblings turn to him with the same confused look Alec has.

“What?” Jace asks.

“Surely someone’s pointed out that all of your voices are magnificent before,” Magnus insists. There's no way he's the first person to ever mention it.

Izzy looks uncertain. “What? Everyone can sing.”

Magnus shakes his head. “Not like that,” he points out.

Alec considers that. “Huh,” is all he says, before going to get his drink, already shrugging off the praise.

"Have any of you ever listened to the average person sing?" Magnus wonders aloud. The question isn't aimed at any of them in particular at this point, but he's curious.

"Well... no, not really. Stuff on the radio, but it isn't like Shadowhunters are belting Elton John songs through the halls of the Institute," Jace admits. Sometimes Magnus forgets how relatively isolated their upbringings at the Institute were, as far as exposure to others not just their age but also in simple, fun social settings.

"No, I don't suppose they were," Magnus concedes. "Well then, let me be the first to inform you that you have significantly above average vocal talents and now that I'm aware of it, Alexander, we are absolutely going to a Karaoke Bar."

Alec spins around to face him so fast he nearly drops the drink in his hand. "What? No. Absolutely not."

"I'll go," Jace volunteers, just as the sound of the door opening and closing reaches them.

"Me too!" Izzy agrees.

"Where are we going?" Clary asks, making her way into the living room.

"Nowhere-" Alec starts, at the same time Isabelle says, "A karaoke bar!" with great enthusiasm.

"Oh, I know a few great spots for that," Simon offers, and Magnus smirks as Alec groans. There's no way Alec is going to stay home knowing Magnus is out drinking with his siblings knowing the sort of chaos they could cause if left entirely unchecked. Not that Magnus would ever allow them to get in actual trouble, but...

"Fine. But not tonight. Please, my nerves can't take it this week," Alec practically pleads.

"Of course, darling," Magnus agrees.

Now that everyone is here Magnus heads to the kitchen to get more drinks for Clary and Simon. The night in is much more relaxing than an impromptu trip to a karaoke bar, that's for certain, complete with a mundane board game Simon brought with, more drinks, some food to soak those drinks up with, and a lot of laughter. By the end of it, with everyone now significantly tipsy if not full-on drunk, it's no surprise they end up back at the piano.

Clary and Jace sit on the bench while Jace tries to teach her a few chords to a song. It's awful, not that any of them expect it to be anything else. Alec challenges Jace to play something classical that would be complicated even while one is entirely sober, a challenge which Jace immediately accepts because he's Jace, and of course he does. The mood is so light that Magnus can't even bring himself to shoo Isabelle off the piano which she's currently sitting on top of, drink in hand, shifting so that she's lounging elegantly with one heeled foot up in the air like the girls in piano lounges in the movies while Simon hovers next to her in case she drops her drink, or herself, off the piano.

Tearing his focus away from the piano, Magnus wanders his way over to Alec who is watching his siblings and their significant others with open endearment from the sofa a few feet away. Magnus approaches him and holds out a hand, palm up in invitation. "May I?"

Alec looks from Magnus' hand up to his face for a moment before standing with a smile, placing his drink down on the side table so his left hand is free to wrap around Magnus' waist while his right takes his husband's hand. Alec looks like he intends on mostly swaying in place but Magnus has other plans. With a gentle tug forward he leads Alec around the coffee table, past the side of the sofa, and even for a brief diversion out onto the balcony while they dance around the loft in small circles of movement and the occasional dip or spin.

Not too many of those, though, after Alec starts to look a little queasy halfway through their dance despite his best efforts to hide it. Magnus isn't sure he'd admit it until he's two seconds away from ruining Magnus' shoes or one of their very expensive rugs so best to play it safe. By the end of the song they are just swaying, a simple back and forth in one another's arms. Whatever nerves Alec mentioned earlier from the previous week are long gone and he feels like putty in Magnus' hands.

"Thank you," Alec says softly, his voice barely above a whisper since his mouth is already next to Magnus' ear, chin resting on Magnus’ shoulder.

"For what?" Magnus asks.

"For this. Having my family over. I know we already intrude on your time normally, and I'm sure you don't want them around all the-"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Alexander. Because they aren't just your family, they're our family. And they're more than welcome as often as you want them here," Magnus tells him. "I know how much they mean to you, and if you still want to see them after working with them all day then I think I can manage a few nights a week of drunken Shadowhunters in the Loft."

"And vampires!" Simon chimes in instinctively before wincing. "Sorry. Vamp hearing, still don't really have a grip on turning it off when I'm drunk."

"Keep eavesdropping and I'm hiding the plasma next time," Magnus warns, though they all know it's an empty threat (and that Simon would show up, plasma or not).

Simon smiles, showing that he knows Magnus isn't serious, and turns back to helping Isabelle make her way down from the top of the piano as the last notes of Jace's song trail off to an end. Clary claps and Jace pushes the stool back so he can stand and take a very dramatic bow. The performance itself was riddled with mistakes, notes blurring together with fumbled keys and chords that were just a bit off, but even with all of those drunken errors it was better than most people with years of practice could probably manage. Magnus remembers his own poor performance on the first - and consequently last - instrument he attempted to take up before abandoning pursuits of a musical nature entirely. So, to give credit where credit is due, he drops his arms from around Alec to join in the small smattering of applause.

"Don't," Alec half-pleads, half-groans. "It'll go to his head."

Magnus laughs at that, returning his arms to wrap around Alec's waist. "You're lucky I like my hands better down here anyway," he murmurs into Alec's ear, sliding them down ever so slightly towards Alec's ass until he stops at the sound of Simon's voice.

"Gross-" Simon starts, and Magnus turns to level him with a warning glare for more eavesdropping that lacks any real heat. "They're getting flirty, I think that's our cue to leave."

Alec laughs lightly in Magnus' ear but it is very late. Magnus hadn't kept track of the time and he hadn't expected any of them to stay this long to begin with.

"Do you need a portal back? Or you can stay the night if you want," Magnus offers, not to anyone in particular because they're all welcome to spend the night if they need to. He can conjure up mattresses and cots for as many people as he needs if it's more than just one couple for the guest room.

"I think the fresh air will do me good," Jace says quickly.

"You just hate portaling when you're drunk," Isabelle chides.

"You're not the one he threw up on last time," Clary reminds Isabelle. "I'm all for walking if it means avoiding that fate again."

"You sure you're good?" Magnus asks one last time, because what kind of host would he be if he didn't?

They all nod. "Don't worry, I'll walk them back," Simon says, which might be more reassuring if Magnus wasn't acutely aware of how much plasma he had, but he seems to be steady enough with his arm around Isabelle to keep her from wobbling on her heels on their way towards the door.

"Text when you're back!" Alec calls, though that's routine for nights like these and the reminder is likely unnecessary.

"Yes, dad," Clary calls over her shoulder mockingly, but Magnus can hear the affection in her tone as she does and finds himself feeling rather fond of the whole scenario playing out in front of him.

Fond. It's not a word Magnus would've expected to associate with a bunch of Shadowhunters - and a vampire, he adds mentally, Simon's voice echoing in his head - but it's the one he keeps finding himself coming back to.

He enjoys watching how close they all are, how much they care not just about each other but the world around them. He’s fond of them as well, and not entirely because of their connection to Alec though that certainly helps.

Magnus turns to see about continuing the flirting he was recently accused of, only to be greeted by the sight of Alec slumped back down onto the sofa, eyes half-closed. If his heart wasn’t full of fondness before it certainly is now.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed,” Magnus says. They make their way to the bedroom, with Magnus using a bit of magic to get them changed into sleepwear so they can crawl directly under the covers.

Just when Magnus is positive Alec is asleep he hears the gentle hum of a song he doesn’t recognize, but one that’s unmistakably a lullaby, sound through the silence. “Do I get sung to sleep every night, now?” Magnus whispers, shifting just enough to see the hint of a smile on Alec’s face in the dark.

Instead of answering Alec simply continues his quiet song, keeping himself awake just long enough for his phone to vibrate with the text from his siblings that they’re home safe. Only then does Magnus hear the notes fade to silence as they allow sleep to claim them.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Smokey brand Reviews: True North

The Golden Compass sucks. i saw that wet fart when i was younger, on a whim, and was thoroughly disappointed. Sh*t didn’t make a lick of sense to me. That film was my first introduction to the His Dark Materials and it soured me on the entire franchise. Like most of the movie-going crowd because it flopped like a fat man into a public pool. The thing abut that movie is that it felt like another entry into the Narnia Chronicles, and abhor that franchise. I’ve hated them since i was forced to read them when i was in the third grade. They were terrible, and that was before i become aggressively areligious. Afterward? Bro. Suffice it to say, when the BBC adaption was announced, it was hard pass for me. And then my mom got HBOMax.

I was seeing a ton of ads for season two, a strong focus on Lyra and John Parry. Th more i saw of those Youtube ads, i don’t watch television anymore, the more i became intrigued. Eventually, i bit the bullet and did some research on he show, itself. Yo, i was SO glad i opted to give this thing a chance. The cast was amazing. the principal characters, all some of my favorite actors but, more than that, the plot was mad intriguing. It was so clever and unique and so far removed from Narnia wank, it could be considered anti-Narnia almost. How the f*ck did that movie get so much wrong? Suffice it to say, i gorged on that first season like a fat kid gorges chocolate cake. I finished it last night and these are my impressions.

The Outstanding

First and foremost, i absolutely have to praise Dafne Keen in this, man. She is Lyra Silvertongue, heroine and main character of the entire Dark Materials series. This success of this show rests on the shoulders of the then fourteen year old and she carries that sh*t like a champ. There is a wit and wisdom that Lyra carries which belies her age and Keen taps into that effortlessly. She played Laura Kinney in Logan a few years back, keeping pace with Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine, so i knew she was skilled in her craft but i never imagined she’s be able to carry such demanding fair, so early in her career. I’d say she was the best thing about this show but that’s not really true. The level of quality in this thing is just that profound.

Ruth Wilson plays Marisa Coulter, Lyra’s mother, and, holy sh*t, is she incredible in the roll. Look, i love Wilson, even when she is in less than quality productions like The Affair. That show was bogus. What wasn’t bogus was her stint as Alice Morgan on Luther. I absolutely fell in love with her on that show and Ms. Coulter gives me all of the Alice vibes, just far more cruel. If Alice was calculating and aloof, the Coulter is deceitfully cruel and i love every second of it. You can tell there is a sadistic streak, straight up wrath, just below the surface and Wilson captures that skin deep veneer in a gently terrifying manner.

James McAvoy comes through and delivers yet again with his detached and insidious Lord Asriel Belacqua. It’s always a pleasure seeing this man do his job and, admittedly, he’s not in this first season much but the time that he is, McAvoy dominates. This is a desperate, desperate, man who knows he is right and will do anything to accomplish his goal. This single-minded drive reminds me so much of Sosuke Aizen from BLEACH and, like Aizen, Lord Asriel literally threw away everything to achieve that goal. It’s wild seeing Professor X go full Magneto and love it!

Line-Manuel Miranda is in this as the snarky Lee Scoresby, Texan Aeronaut, extraordinaire. Look, Manuel is a brilliant artist, i can’t take that away from him. He’s exceptional in Hamilton and on the stage but that’s a completely different skill set. There is a way you have to perform, to project, on stage that doesn’t translate to film and Manuel is still trying to get a handle on that. He’s not terrible in this role, mind you, but he’s just serviceable. However, the chemistry he has with Keen is something special. You can tell they get along strongly and that genuine interactions shines through in their performances together.

The rest of the cast is just as strong, specifically Kit Connor and Joe Tandberg as Pantalaimon and Lorek Brynison, respectively. Ariyon Bakare, Clarke Peters, Anne-Marie Duff, Lucian Msmati, Amir Wilson, Ruta Gedmintas, Will Keen, and Lewin Lloyd all turn in incredibly strong performances, for what they were given. A lot of these characters deserved a bit more screen time, a bit more fleshing out, but i am okay with what we did receive. This ain’t their story, it’s Lyra’s.

I just need to take some time and praise this show for how properly gorgeous it is. I mean, the level of production on this thing is rather profound, you knew that in the opening scene during the flood, but moreso as the world begins to expand. I know a lot of this stuff is filmed on sets and what not but, my goodness, are they elaborate and detailed. That whole arctic run was brilliant. It’s particularly intriguing when you understand how well the CG effects were used in regards to budget. The whole “show don’t tell’ adage definitely comes into effect for this serial and it’s all the better for it.

I am absolutely in love with the narrative, man. Never mind the actual plot in the books, the adaption presented is one of the best I've seen in a long a while. My goodness, the world being built is so enthralling, so captivating, i hate that i slept on this show, this series, for so long. I understand that this is one interpretation of the novel events but I'm still infatuated with every second of it.

The writing in this show is on point, for sure. It feels organic, it feels real. I know this is a series of books, decades old, but that goes a long way to proving the pedigree of this adaption. This doesn’t feel out of place or trite or try hard. It works beautifully, except for when Manuel is delivering dialogue outside of his scenes with Keen, and that is a real joy to watch.

There is a distinct focus on diversity displayed throughout this show so far and i love it. This is a reflection of the world in real time and more, big budget, shows need to show this reality. The difference between this and, say, Disney Star Wars or current Doctor Who, is the fact none of the representation in Materials feels forced. It feels organic, intrinsic to a story about entire worlds. You need this level of diversity for this story to be taken even remotely seriously in the modern day and i commend the production for handling this so well.

The Okay

I’ve never read the books so i can only judge this thing on what i glean from the wiki and what i see in the show. While i am completely smitten with what has been resented, the show feels like an abridged version of what we get in the books. I know for all adaptions that’s true but this feels like a legit highlight real of the greatest hits. I can’t say for sure but the adapted screenplay feels like it’s trying to load up on plot as much as possible, in as short a time as possible. Makes for an interesting view but, as a cat who understands storytelling, it feels like a patchwork of content.

This thing has some pretty brisk pacing. Again, i don’t know from where this first series is adapted but it definitely feels like they were in kind of a hurry to get. I mean, it really doesn’t but once sh*t gets started, it never looks back at all. It feels like that, at certain times, we should have definitely sent more time on an interaction or with a relationship. Lyra’s time in the Magisterial and Bolivar, particularly, seems rushed to me.

It’s uncomfortable how many times they make Dafne get naked. Obviously, they don’t show anything and it’s all inferred but, like, gross.

The Verdict

I loved this show, man. Absolutely adored every second of it. The BBC, when it really wants to, can produce some brilliant film. Luther, Sherlock, War of the Worlds, are all favorites and now His Dark Materials can be confidently added to that list. This show is gorgeous to watch, the production values on full display. Sweeping cinematic vistas both real and composite, permeate this rather cleverly effect heavy adaption. The performances, alone are enough to keep you coming back for more but this is, genuinely, one of the most gorgeous shows I've ever seen. Speaking of performances, everyone is excellent but the anchor is definitely Dafne Keen. Her Lyra Silvertongue is the linchpin of this entire show and she bares that weight brilliantly. I forget sometimes that she’s only fifteen, especially considering the talent she with whom she shares the screen. Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, and Lin-Manuel Miranda all have capitol roles in this first season and they relish their time on camera, especially Wilson. I’ve been a fan of hers since that brilliant run on Luther as Alice Morgan so seeing her, here, has been giving me the best type of deja vu. His Dark Materials is f*cking outstanding, man. I can gush about this thing ad nauseam but this essay would definitely turn into a novel and no one wants that. If you have HBOMax, definitely give this a go. It’s one of the best shows out, has a full eight hours to binge in season one, and another four, so far, in season two. Sh*t is dope and i highly recommend a proper watch.

[bellablue42]

Myself as a writer and Death of the Author

I’m trying to write a novel, and it’s really hard. I feel like I’m not getting anywhere, I’m on my fifth draft and trying to create a lengthy enough narrative that doesn’t feel like filler. It is difficult, to say the least, and I really admire people with the ability to write quickly and well. 

But there’s a lot about She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named going around again, and it made me think. We all know that she’s not the best person, but she is a writer, and she is a creator, and her works are widespread. And that... causes problems.

Is it ok to consume her work? How much do her opinions reflect in her work, and can we spot it? I have no idea, but here’s my best shot, as an aspiring writer and a high-school literature student.

Please be warned I have no experience, and I’m kind of making this up as I go along, but here we go.

Last year, at the start of the school year, in Literature, my class watched Midnight in Paris. The movie was written and directed by Woody Allen, who is... well-known for all the wrong reasons, namely allegedly assulting seven-year-old Dylan Farrow. One of the girls in my class pointed out this fact, and my teacher nodded and said that we were discussing Death of the Author.

Death of the Author is an interesting topic. It holds that an author’s intentions and background should have no impact on interpreting a text. It is interesting, and it is really bloody hard to do.

Keep in mind that if you pick up a book by a relatively famous author, you will know something about them. If you take Mrs Dalloway, for example, if you’ve ever heard of Virginia Woolf, you will doubtless know that she was a writer and that she committed suicide, even if you know nothing else. The fact that she did commit suicide will influence the way you read Mrs Dalloway.

If you read Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath, for example, you will probably know that Plath was not mentally healthy and committed suicide by sticking her head in an oven. And that will influence the way you read Lady Lazarus. If you read any of Lovecraft’s work, you will come to the conclusion that he is a racist. It’s not hard to figure out.

Death of the Author means separating these facts from the way you interpret a work. It is really hard, trust me.

Because we look for links, everywhere we look for these links. We know that Sylvia Plath committed suicide, so when you read Lady Lazarus, you make connections. Go read Lady Lazarus now, go read it knowing that Plath committed suicide, and keep that fact in mind. Here’s the link: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/49000/lady-lazarus

Now read it again, and try to forget it, all the connections you made knowing that Plath stuck her head in an oven. It is really hard to do, because you know, and you remember. Death of the Author is forgetting the context of the author, forgetting their impact on the text.

Here’s a thing, I write a lot. Like, a lot. Not published, obviously, but I write about as much as I read, and that is a lot. And I believe, that when you write, you put a bit of yourself into it. It doesn’t have to be obvious, maybe just the way you connect to a character, or your views on a topic. I can’t say I don’t do this - my main character is an asexual lesbian who panics a lot and loves her girlfriend. Her competence doesn’t come from me, but the gender, the sexuality, the panic? All of that is inspired by, you know, me. My experiences, my opinions. I am conscious in my word choices, I’m trying not to use gendered language for the soldiers, because they are men, women, non-binary, genderfluid and others, all together, so my main character can’t call them her men, they are her soldiers. It’s hard. I’m aware that I have biases, and my reading experiences are usually texts that ... do not do this. 

Sorry, I’m rambling, and no-one wants to know. 

But I as a writer, put a bit of myself in my work. And I think that’s what makes Death of the Author so hard to do, so hard to remember. 

And now onto HER. I can’t remember what brought my attention to her in the first place, maybe a post about a Harry Potter tv show?

The problem about JK Rowling is that she wrote Harry Potter. And Harry Potter is... huge. The problem is that we grew up on Harry Potter. 

Looking back, there are big problems with the series; plot holes bigger than my fist, a lack of original plot lines, and little creativity. Harry Potter is a mishmash of already well-established genres and archetypes, and it... doesn’t fit together particularly well. 

(Take Dumbledore, at once the mentor archetype from the fantasy genre and the authority figure in the boarding school genre. The problem is that being both causes a bit of dissonance. He mimics the typical ‘wise old mentor wizard’ from fantasy, like Gandalf, but he is also a school headmaster. He is a grandfatherly teacher who takes an interest in the son of two of his past students, nothing particularly new, but at the same time, he’s a figure out of legend, an incredibly powerful man, both magically and politically. It is hard for my brain to fit them together well because they are two different archetypes and they don’t mesh. They belong in different genres, because the way he is written can’t seem to decide which one he is. I might write more on this later if anyone’s interested)

But Rowling’s a TERF. And she’s been on Twitter and said all sorts of bizarre things about the odd mish-mash of genres she’s created. I’m not really a fan of Harry Potter anymore, I grew up with it. I have seven books in a shoebox under my bed. I have read far better books, I have read many, many books with more interesting stories, better internal consistency and characters with actual depth, who don’t need fandom to be interesting. 

And yet I still have all seven books in a shoebox under my bed. It’s hard. I genuinely liked the books - when I was twelve. I’d sooner recommend the Discworld books by the late great Sir Terry Pratchett than Harry Potter, and not just because of HER. They’re better books. Harry Potter is average. 

But we loved them. 

And Rowling’s a TERF. Her views on trans people are... not okay, by any measure. I don’t have words for ... how great the cognitive dissonance is. She wrote a series, a seven-book, eight-movie series, about the power of unconditional love. Over a million words, just under 20 hours about acceptance and tolerance. And yet she doesn’t believe that trans women are women. 

The problem is that it is hard to apply Death of the Author. Once you know that JK discriminates against transgender people, it is hard to read Harry Potter without remembering that. 

Then you get into other issues about how all of the endgame couples are straight. And Dumbledore’s only gay when the series is ended. And there’s a lack of diversity in the books and the movies. And once you start reading into it, it gets ... iffy. Because it’s not meant to be read into, not meant to be analysed. It’s a children’s series. But it’s problematic, not for the things it says, but fo the things it doesn’t say.

The thing is that SHE is impressive. As a writer, at least, not as a person. Because it is hard to write, and she managed an extensive, relatively-coherent storyline across seven books, released over ten years. But her first book got rejected, again and again. 

Her net worth is somewhere between 650 million and 1.2 billion. And she earns all that money off a book series whose main themes are friendship and love. And she’s a TERF.

I can’t say I hate her - I don’t know her. She might be a genuinely nice person, but she’s a TERF. She doesn’t believe that trans people are the gender that they say they are. I cannot understand how you can believe that, but. She does, apparently. She wrote so much about love conquering all evil, and friendship saving the day, but she doesn’t think that trans women should be allowed into female bathrooms.

I hate her ideology. 

Go read Discworld instead. Think about Death of the Author, then read Night Watch. It’s a great book. Or go read Good Omens, because Pratchett co-wrote that. 

The thing about Discworld is that you can tell what Pratchett thinks is worth paying attention to. Small Gods is primarily about religion, about belief, and about people. The last one is the most important, because Pratchett believed that the greatest thing you can be is human and kind, and he’s right. The witches on the Discworld are... perhaps not nice, but they are decent, and they are fundamentally people. They are human, and they are kind, and that is what makes them good people. 

The thing about Harry Potter is that “Muggle” sounds like a slur. There’s all this attention paid to the whole “mudblood�� thing that people forget that behind all the blood purity nonsense - which sounds a lot like eugenics - the purebloods, the rich entitled kids, believe that non-magical people are less than animals. The Wizarding world is stuck in the Middle Ages, not even the bloody Renaissance. Human history has passed them by. It is so hard now to read Harry Potter without finding problems, like how all the magicals are fundamentally stupid, how a literal one-year-old is praised for supposedly killing an extremely powerful mass-murdering psycopath. A one-year-old. The Wizarding World is not a functional society, and it’s not meant to be. It’s not meant to hold up to scrutiny.

Look, Harry Potter is average, at best. Ask me for good kids books and I will point you in a dozen different directions, and I will point you in a dozen different directions - but not there. 

Because Death of the Author is hard. Not taking the creator’s intentions and background into account when interpreting a work is hard. You can know that an author is queer, or a person of colour, or of a certain religion, but once you know it, it is hard to not see it. 

You see, all the main characters in Harry Potter are white. They’re also all straight. Everyone not Harry Potter is flat. There is very little depth to anyone in those books, because they don’t matter. Hermione is defined by her relationship with Ron because her relationship is the most debated part of her character. Ron - in the movies at least - is seen as stupid because he is written stupid, he is written as comic relief. Book-verse Ron is a strategist, but that’s only really shown in the first two books. They’re not written with depth, they don’t need it. Harry’s the protagonist, Hermione’s the smart one, Ron’s the dumb-but-loyal comic-relief best friend. Ginny is the love interest, Luna’s the crazy one, the twins are comic-relief pranksters. Draco is the racist antagonist, Voldemort is a more extreme mass-murdering version. There are exactly zero trust-worth adults in a whole seven-book series, there are three? characters with depth in the whole series, everyone else is defined by a role and a single characteristic.

It is so hard to look critically at Harry Potter and not see everything that relates to Rowling. It is problematic as a series, and problematic as content created by a TERF. It is problematic as literature in the first place. It’s written as a kids book, but for all its ‘adult’ themes, it can’t stand up to scrutiny.

This got long - I got a bit carried away. Sorry.

Tell me what you think, tell me your opinion. I’d love to discuss this with you because it so hard to write about. Argue with me, tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m right if you think I am. Have I said anything problematic? Please lets start talking about this because it’s interesting and a difficult topic, and I think we need to start looking closer at authors and content creators. 

[clementiinefraser]

Bonjour/Hi!

First of all, I want to take a second and show appreciation for all of the characters who were set aside or not appreciated enough. I’ve been here since the beginning and I saw them come and go with a heavy heart. There were so many good characters, but they were always left in the shadows. If you’re still around and playing one of those forgotten muses, just know somebody loved them.

I am not being hypocritical. I brought my fair share of negativity and bad behaviours. I joiend with a faceclaim that turned out to be highly problematic and took an awfully long time to change things up like it truly ~mattered~. I did my fair share of bubble roleplay (sometimes it was more like by default than by choice) but I did it and I’m not proud of it but I have the self-awareness to admit it. I chased after faceclaims too. There was a time where I focused on potentially romantic threads and neglected platonic connections. I didn’t participate enough in the events. I didn’t open my mind wide enough to reply to starters that maybe were too out of character for my muses, but still deserved attention. I should have messaged other people.

I should have tried harder. I always promised myself to do this. I was foolish enough to think that replying to one or two open starters would work. I was fooling enough to think that leaving supportive tags under my replies would work. I know now that was stupid. As someone who joined since the true beginning, I should have made new people feel welcome and appreciated instead of focusing on the fact a starter was not fitting my muse enough and without plotting it felt odd to reply. Making new people feel included and appreciated: that was, is and always will be the duty of everyone in a roleplay group.

Still, even when I was not posting, even during my hiatuses, I always kept an eye on the dashboard and I saw those forgotten and set aside characters and read their tasks and starters and interactions. I loved them all. I believe every character in this group deserved to be put on the same pedestal as that very specific handful of special muses that got too much praise for questionable reasons.

I have never stayed in a group for so long. The truth is, I’ve wanted to leave for a while, but I always had reasons to stay. Whether it was because of characters I loved or my own characters I hoped to develop, I could not bring myself to leave just yet. I felt like if I stayed, maybe some issues would get solved and this group would reflect on the ideals it has set for itself. Transparency. Inclusivity. Warmth, and so on. Again, I know for a fact I was not active and I should have devoted more time for this group. I apologize for all of the abandoned threads along the way.

Whether it’s about cliques, bubble roleplay, undeserving praise, unfair treatments, this group has had issues like any other. Except, they never really got resolved. Instead of addressing it publicly, instead of making it clear that the voices of those who had enough courage to call out issues were heard. Instead of openly and sincerely acting on the issues, things were brushed under the rug. An ooc warning every now and then, free passes for a handful of people, sudden unfollows. The issues were not solved, they just kept getting worse.

Granted, I have never gathered enough courage to speak up. I have never gathered enough courage to ring bells. So to all of those who actually did speak up but were silenced, I’m so sorry. But I’m very proud of you still. You deserved so much more. You deserved to be heard, to feel included and to feel appreciated. You gave proof, but you only faced a closed door.

Yes, proof. Multiple people coming out and voicing their worries about similar issues. Multiple people leaving suddenly. This is proof. I completely disagree with using a degree as a justification to why one can pretend they never did anything wrong or take the blame off their shoulders. As I have mentioned quite a few times, I am a historian. I am a full time research assistant. I, too, love a good research assignment. I love searching for proof of a phenomenon. I love understanding said proof, and said phenomenon. And the proof is right here. Nobody can blame their college classes for the fact they refuse to admit their flaws, their mistakes and their lack of judgement or action. If anything, a true researcher would have the reflex to admit they did something wrong, they made a mistake or they have to change their minds because they found out new information that disagree with their belief on a topic. This is part of any scientific methodology. And changing your mind, when you have proof, is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of transparency and integrity. Especially when the proof is right before your eyes.

How come nobody came and called out the issues sooner? Maybe it is because no action has truly been taken. Maybe it is because they knew it would be useless. Maybe it is because they felt like nobody cared enough about them and their contribution to the group. Maybe it’s because a minority of people blindly praising an admin team like they could never do wrong speaks louder than a majority of members trying to show something is off.

Serious actions need to be taken. Serious changes need to be made.

As long as nothing is done, I don’t want to be a part of group that claims things they never truly put into action. Cliques, bubble roleplay and worshipping a handful of ships are one thing, but claiming to be diverse while most of your diverse muns and muses are excluded is a whole other story. I stand by the people and the characters of colour who were ignored, set aside or accused of things other people did without consequences.

I wish I could have been more active and given all of you guys the love you deserve.

Thank you to everyone who interacted with Clémentine, Sapphire and Karyanne. Thank you to those who might have supported them from a distance and we never truly talked, ooc or ic. I’m still thankful for this group because I met amazing people and I interacted with amazing characters. I’m still thankful for every interactions or connections, small or big. I’m still thankful because, for a while, it was a safe place and a safe escape. I don’t really have hard feelings against any of you. I’m just disappointed that we’re reached this point.. The fact nothing was, or has ever been, addressed publicly, the fact the pages were updated oh-so quickly like everything needed to be erased, the fact the dash moved back to normal as if nothing happened... This is not being transparent. This is not showing you want to change. This is pretending everything is fine and hoping people forget.

Solutions are still available. Find an admin team who is truly transparent, who believes their members and who is willing to take actions when needed. Yes, I believe changing adminds would be the best solution. The fact that two of them stepped down, probably to avoid taking responsability, is quite suspicious. The one remaining is still a huge part of the problem. Make efforts to be more inclusive. Stop focusing on endgame ships, focus on all of the amazing friendships that could blossom instead. Don’t drop muses because they didn’t find a ship within a week. Don’t facechase. Don’t deny the proof. Now is not the time to ask people for what is wrong with the group, because at this point, it is only rhetorical.

The best solution is to close the group and keep interacting with your ship partners. That way, you can worship the same handful of people and you can be blinded by a few members praising this group and refusing to see the problems. But the thing is, people might join again. They might join because they believed the promises of inclusivity. They might join because nothing was addressed publicly. They might join and face walls if their character is of colour, if their character is different or too original, if their character is not seeking for ships. They might face the same problems as everybody who left.

Lead by example. And, right now, the example you are giving is one of cliques, ships, lack of transparency and borderline racism. We’ll say it like it is.

Still being a part of this group, as it is currently, is being complicit of a narrative that goes beyond cliques and ships being more important than genuine connections. I don’t want to support such a thing.

Until then, I wish everyone well. I truly do! I met amazing people here and whether we still talk or not, I really liked you guys. The creativity, the amazing characters, the everything. There were so many good things, but there are so many bad things too. I don’t want to set the blame on anyone specifically. This is not a witch hunt. If the shoe fits, then you will know. I still wanted to express myself because we all carried a piece of that blame and we all need to acknowledge it and act on it rather than closing our eyes and keep on keeping on like nothing has ever happened. I hope this group changes into a healthy, inclusive and welcoming place where everyone and every characters are loved equally. If it happens, then I will happily join again if I am allowed to (because, well, I’d understand if this statement was too blunt). Or, at least, I will look back on my time here and be happy that changes were finally made.

I know this was long. I needed to take this off my chest. Thank you for the opportunities. Thank you for giving the hope that this could be a different place. Thank you to those who cared about inclusivity and diversity.

Take care. Treat people (and yourselves) with kindness. I love you guys and I’ll miss you. Go watch a Barbie movie, will you? It’s for self care purposes! <3

Laurie 🧡 🍊

[bookandcover]

A couple years ago, Michelle Obama’s book was recommended to me with glowing praise by a college friend (who reads a lot of the memoir/autobiography genre, and who felt this book stood out). I’ve meant to read it since then, and I was really glad to sit down with it as the March choice for our family’s Anti-Racism Book Club. Michelle Obama has a real nice writing style: direct, specific, and authentic. It maybe sounds unfair to say that I was “pleasantly surprised” by how strong the writing was; this was not because of Michelle herself, but because of the “memoirs by non-writer celebrities” genre where I have generally had low expectations when it comes to literary style and book structure. I really enjoyed the way Michelle writes, though. Her descriptions are specific and vivid. I felt, during the first half of the book, like I was reading a novel. I kept forgetting this energetic and self-aware girl was Michelle Obama. She seemed like a relatable, realistic protagonist in a YA book, growing up in her sharply-observed Chicago neighborhood. Her family stories and her friendships felt so concrete and were so easy to picture through the descriptions and imagery. The narrative always felt natural, well-paced, and engaging.

As Michelle’s narration arrived at the point in time when she appeared more frequently in the public eye, I was able to reconcile her vividly drawn youth with the things I knew about Michelle and the Obamas separate from this book. The blending of both selves/personas was really effective, as Michelle filled in public image outlines with color and heart by sharing the details of life in the White House. Michelle humanizes the places she lives, and her observations of the White House, its traditions and conventions both upheld and pushed against in meaningful ways by the Obama family, made their lives possible for me to imagine. From Michelle’s appreciation of being able to get her own mug from a cabinet without being offered help in her post-Presidency life to her insistence that her daughters make their own beds in the White House, the concreteness of their lives is always present in these pages. I loved getting such personal insights into a part of American public life that we are all aware of (there’s a First Family, there’s a White House), but that normally transcends the practical and specific in our minds.  

I felt, through Michelle’s well-chosen descriptions, the challenging burden of the security that surrounded their family at all times during these years. This was poignantly captured in the scene where Michelle and Barack plan a trip to NYC for dinner and play, only to understand how many people they’ve inconvenience through this small trip, as Manhattan streets are barricaded by their security and Secret Service agents scan and check everyone entering the restaurant after them. Sometimes the smallest details capture the feeling of life in the White House most vividly. I was struck by Michelle’s explanation that she couldn’t step out on the Truman Balcony—the only semi-private outdoor space at the White House—without first alerting the security who would clear the area below the South Lawn of the White House where tourists stopped for photos. Therefore, she knew she’d never use it. Just like going out to dinner and a show in NYC, simple things created such a huge operation and hassle for those around them, that it felt natural and necessary to stop doing them. I thought it was interesting to see that, despite these challenges, the area where the Obamas weren’t willing to limit and to hold back was in the experiences of their children. Michelle was frustrated with the security process when a changed young people’s plan—heading to get ice cream spontaneously—was thwarted for Malia while she waited for an hour for her head of security to arrive from the suburbs. Michelle told the security planners and organizers, “if you’re going to protect a kid, you’ve got to be able to move like a kid,” and the appropriate adjustments were made. Michelle prioritized her children’s rich experiences throughout their years in the White House, taking them to Washington D.C. museums, and skiing at Liberty Mountain, and along on international trips.

This emphasis on the vividness and diversity of her children’s experiences seemed to echo Michelle’s own upbringing, although she didn’t explicitly draw this connection. While, at times, Michelle was frustrated by aspects of her upbringing—embarrassed that her mother hand-sewed her clothes while other teenagers sported trendy outfits, or angry at her equally stubborn great-aunt Robbie over her piano lessons, when Michelle wanted to quickly skip to more advanced pieces rather than grinding over the basics—she overwhelmingly feels the love and care that surrounds her every day. She explains her father’s fortitude and strength; living with multiple sclerosis for decades, he continued to maintain his quality work and support his family, never wanting to focus on his pain or his physical deterioration. Michelle tells a heartbreaking story about a day when her father was too overwhelmed by pain to make it from their house to his car to drive to work and sank down on the doorstep, while Michelle watched him surreptitiously. She decided to give him a few minutes and then offer help, but when she looked back outside he had made it to his truck and gone to work for the whole day.

Michelle also gives huge credit for her positive upbringing and her educational successes to her mother’s care, tracing the impact this had on her education and career trajectory. She explains how when her mother understood that Michelle’s second grade classroom was not a productive environment, with a teacher who did not challenge the students nor show them care, she went to the school to advocate for an advanced placement program that allowed Michelle and other high-performing students to benefit from a more self-directed learning environment, a high-quality teacher, and new schoolwork and projects. Michelle knows that having someone watching over her education, and advocating for her before she could do this for herself, made all the difference. She also speaks about her mother’s creativity and the ways she made Michelle and her older brother Craig’s childhoods rich with experiences. Michelle recalls that she made a chimney and fireplace from painted cardboard one year for Christmas and describes her mother upholding New Year’s Eve traditions filled with board games and specially-prepared food.

The richness of Michelle’s upbringing with her family and community’s warmth, care, and love, in a space that would be stereotypically discounted as poor and getting poorer, reminded me a lot of my own childhood. I grew up in a poor neighborhood in increasingly socio-economically stratified Seattle in the 90’s, but never once felt like I was missing anything with two parents who spent quality time with me every single day. Michelle’s extended family forms a vibrant and lively community in her South Side of Chicago neighborhood, forming a support structure that seems to never leave Michelle wanting for anything, perceiving herself to be loved and valued and encouraged, building her the most solid of life foundations. Even when her parents had so little, they saved and borrowed to send Michelle on a trip with her classmates to Paris because they wanted her to experience the world. Even though Michelle raises her children in a very different socio-economic context, it’s clear that the exact same values guide her and Barack’s parenting. I think Michelle and Barack’s efforts to prioritize their family and their daughters’ upbringing is something that was visible about them during their time in the White House. This focus shone through and their love for each other always seemed so genuine. It was lovely to see that contextualized in Becoming.

More than just Michelle’s upbringing was relatable to me. I found her experiences when she attended Princeton, vaulting suddenly into a different environment than what she’d known, an environment steeped in the specific traditions of an old New England college, to be likewise relatable (yes, what is squash? I’d thought this was just a nickname for the sport, and laughed loudly the first several times I heard it as an incoming freshman). The socio-economic context shift from childhood to college that Michelle experienced was quite similar to my own. Her experiences in her 20s, too, of trying to figure out who she wants to be in a career/work space and how to let go of the “trappings of success” instilled in her by her high-powered education also rang very true for me. Even her love of eating out at the same haunt, her engagement with pop culture, her routine listening to music, her interest in leveraging fashion for social justice impact—these small things were similar to my experiences and preferences, and they made Michelle someone I really wanted to connect with and befriend. I felt these connections within the knowledge that every single experiences of Michelle’s has occurred within the context of race. Even though I felt I related to many of her experiences and thoughts, I can never understand how all of these were shaped by the systematic racism that permeates all facets of life in America. Yet, I think Michelle wants her story to be accessible, relatable not necessarily in similarity but in shared humanity. In connecting with her and identifying with her, many people can find inspiration and encouragement through her journey, as she herself acknowledges. And while I know that the people in America who most need to see this and believe in it—a Black woman from the South Side of Chicago having the experiences and achievements that Michelle has had—I think her empowerment has a broad resonance that inspires striving from within every kind of under-representation, a vote of confidence for every kind of diversity.

Right at the end of the book, Michelle beautifully articulates her faith in change, hope, and this kind of common humanity. As she describes Lin-Manuel Miranda’s musical Hamilton, she writes “it told a story about America that allowed the diversity in.” This description made me cry because it is full of hope. America has a long way to go in terms of achieving racial equality. I thought it was interesting to see how heavily Michelle was criticized during the first campaign when her statement “for the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country” (followed by “because it feels like hope is making a comeback”) was taken out of context. I think that, today, in the political climate of 2020 that continues into 2021, a lot more direct criticism of America is accepted. Today, there seems to be a much stronger understanding that BIPOC speaking up about race and staying they have never been safe, have never been equal, have never been happy in America is our reality. This language isn’t something that is dismissed or attacked in the same way it was in 2008/2009. Sure, the standards of “accepted language” are probably always different for someone running for political office (although has our recent former President all but obliterated such standards?), but I think there’s a much wider percentage of the American population today who feels that strong criticism of America on the grounds of race is appropriate, and necessary. Setting aside the context of Michelle’s rise to public visibility, I think she independently has incredible hope (not manufactured, not over-done, but realistic, enduring) in America. She ties this hope to the connections she felt when she campaigned in Iowa and didn’t see the working white class voters there as vastly different from herself and her upbringing. She ties this hope to the young people who devoted their lives and time and energy to Obama’s campaign. On her Becoming book tour (I watched the documentary on Netflix this week), she ties this hope to the young women of color who she connects with who are fighting for their education and their opportunities. She ties this hope to her own daughters, growing up strong and independently-minded.

In the final pages of this book, as the next President casts an appalling shadow over the things Michelle and Barack fought for, Michelle chooses to look to the musical Hamilton, as one concrete example of the hope she feels, in spite of setbacks, in spite of the slowness of change. Michelle leaves the White House mentally reviewing for herself the impacts that they had during their time there, the positive changes that they made, from the tiny things to the giant things, and her ability to look at the world this way—while showing how much this is not an easy thing to do, nor a perspective to take for granted—is one of the powerful impacts and truths of this book.

[mss4msu]

“Do I Wanna Know?” (Chapter 6)

Summary: On a visit to a local nightclub, the lounge singer catches your eye. Soon becoming a regular at the club, the way you look on the dancefloor gets his attention. You begin to hear stories about the notorious crime lord who owns and operates the small nightclub. When your friends worry that you’ve gotten mixed up with a mobster, you wonder if it’s better to be left in the dark and find yourself asking, “Do I wanna know?” if you’re getting involved with one of the most revered mobsters in the city.

Pairing: Mobster!Bucky x Reader

Words: 4266

Warnings: Language, Slight Violence

A/N: This is a mega turning point for the story and I’m super excited for y’all to find out what comes next! This chapter is vvv long and has another song in it because that’s fun for everybody. Peep that cute lil Rocky Horror quote drop bc it’s almost spooky time.

Read the Full Story Here

The song in this chapter can be listened to here

Your new promotion made work much more exhilarating, due in large part to seeing James Barnes far more often than you ever would have anticipated. He seemed to be in the office every day, even though you knew many of the conversations he stopped in to have with you could have been solved over an email or at least on a quick phone call. Of course you didn’t mind, as he was gorgeous to look at and a pleasure to converse with. The only irritating thing about James’s frequent visits was that they meant that Tony visited you far more often too. You didn’t know if it was because Tony didn’t believe you were competent or if James was really just that high profile of a client, but even without you letting him know, Tony would show up at your office either while James was still there or right after he had left. While it was frustrating, Tony crashing your meetings wasn’t all bad. Every time it happened, James would wrap the conversation up quickly and leave. Within 15 minutes of James being gone you would get a call that you had a delivery at the main desk. Every single time it was an order of a dozen white roses with a card that said, “Thanks for all your hard work, boss.” While you knew it was probably inappropriate for James to be sending you flowers at work, you tried to remind yourself that he was just a client and reasoned that he was just praising your efforts on his account.

In an attempt to keep things professional, you decided you should stop visiting James at the club. Every meeting that wrapped up before Tony could interrupt it ended in James asking if he would see you that Friday and you telling him, “I’d like to, but I can’t.” You were afraid that, if you did see James outside of the office, things would go from professional to unprofessional very quickly.

While you tried your best to keep James as just a client, one day Tony pushed you too far. You had been having a very productive meeting with James, where you were making good progress in liquidizing his assets to reinvest them in other markets to increase his profits, when Tony came into your office without knocking and took a seat next to James. Tony made a show of sitting down next to James on the couch, putting his feet up on the small coffee table, and staring at the projection of your laptop’s screen on the wall.

“Ahem, anyway,” you cleared your throat before continuing, “If we divert some of the funds into this other account, I think that would really benefit you.”

“Why is a man who owns a nightclub investing in a car company?” Tony asked with disdain as he made a big deal of squinting at the projection.

“Why did a man who owns a nightclub invest in a tech company?” James replied with a smirk.

“I believe it is best to diversify his portfolio in case the market performs poorly in areas he has already invested in,” you answered. After weeks of Tony interrupting you, you had finally grown a bit of a backbone.

“You mean if my company fails?” Tony huffed.

“Well, (Y/N), I trust you to do what’s best for me,” James looked at his watch, “Ah, I’m afraid I have meetings elsewhere. I have to be sure the nightclub,” while his face didn’t show it, you could hear the sneer in his voice, “is fully functional.”

“Of course,” you stood up from behind your desk to shake James’s hand, “I’ll draw up the numbers and get them sent to you. I really think this could be a favorable investment.”

“I look forward to it,” James shook your hand with both of his, “Tony,” he said with a quick nod to your boss before leaving.

As soon as James had left the room Tony stood up and came at you, yelling, “(Y/N), what the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

“Excuse me?” you cowered into your seat.

While Tony had shared plenty of opinions about how you were handling James Barnes’ assets, he generally saved them for when James was also present. This was the first time he had approached you about them one-on-one and your heart began to pound.

“James Barnes is a high profile client and we can NOT afford to lose him over a silly investment in an area that he does not know anything about because a silly should-be assistant got too smart for her own good.”

You took a deep breath and fought back the tears that stung your eyes, “Mr. Stark, when I make him the investment profile, I include a full description of what the company makes and how it distributes its products as well as information about their mission and the diversity of their staff. Plus I do research into how the market has been trending before even bringing anything up to him in the first place.”

“And you actually think that’s enough?” Tony asked with a sudden calmness in his voice that did not match the fire raging in his eyes.

“Yes?” you couldn’t help that it came out as a question.

“Hmmpfh,” Tony sneered, “I guess we will find out if it is,” and with that he got up and left your office.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding as soon as Tony was gone. You slumped into your desk chair and your head began to pound. You just sat there, for five minutes with your eyes closed when the sudden ring of your phone startled you.

“Hi (Y/N), there’s a delivery for you at the desk,” the person on the other end of the line said to you.

“Thanks, be there in a moment.”

You groaned as you pushed yourself away from your desk and forced yourself to stand up. You had to steady yourself on the desk as your head pounded harder from the slight change in elevation. You slowly walked to the front desk, the knowledge that you had flowers waiting for you not even making you feel better. You got to the front desk and were slightly taken aback by the lack of roses waiting for you.

“This just came for you,” the receptionist said as they pulled a box from the table that had a singular white rose tied to it.

“Thanks,” you said with slight confusion in your voice as you took the box and walked back to your office.

You sat down at your desk and carefully removed the rose from the top of the box and set it gently down next to you. You took the lid off the box and found a card that read: “Get on your dancing shoes. See you tonight, boss.” You unfolded the tissue paper in the box and inhaled sharply. Inside lay a beautiful pair of classic black Louboutin pumps with the iconic red soles. You wiped your hands off on your pants before you dared to take them out of the box to look closely at them. They were the most beautiful shoes you had ever seen and you only pulled your eyes away from them when your cell phone began to vibrate violently on your desk. You carefully set the shoes back in the box and picked up your phone. You had multiple notifications from Instagram:

WhiteWolfandtheHowlers messaged you:

“Hey, doll.

I’ve got a table reserved for you tonight.

After that beatdown Tony gave you, I figured you could use a night filled with a bit of debauchery.

Don’t forget to wear the new shoes.”

You cocked your head to the side as you began to question how James knew Tony gave you a beatdown today, as he should have been long gone by the time Tony really went in on you. You took a deep breath, your fingers dancing above the keyboard as you tried to decide what to say back.

You finally typed and sent back:

“You know you have my work number, you could have just called. I don’t think I should come out tonight.”

The screen showed that your message was immediately read and a text bubble soon appeared, quickly replaced by the message:

“If I called you on the office phone, who knows who may have been listening in. Plus I couldn’t have called you doll while you’re at work, could I boss? Show starts at 9 in case you’ve forgotten.”

“You mean listened in like you somehow did to know Tony went off on me today?” you typed before erasing it and instead sending:

“I suppose this is true. Yes, I know what time the show starts, I just don’t know if I should come.”

“Why is that?”

You gulped, your head beginning to pound again as you sent:

“You’re my client, Mr. Barnes. I don’t want to disrupt that partnership by socializing outside of business hours.”

“Afraid you’ll fall for me, doll?”

Your heart fluttered and you took a second to reply:

“I just don’t want to get into trouble with my superiors.”

“Based on how earlier went, I’d say you already are. See you at 9, doll.”

You let his message sink in. He wasn’t wrong, you had already pissed Tony off enough and didn’t you owe it to yourself to actually enjoy your weekends instead of putting in extra work to try to prove yourself? Especially since trying to prove yourself didn’t seem to be working anyway.

Ultimately you decided to send:

“See you at 9.”

He liked the message immediately but did not respond.

You looked at the clock on your wall and your heart rate escalated as you realized it was already 6:30pm. You needed to eat, get home, change, and get to the club all in just over 2 hours and Friday traffic was always awful. You wanted to invite your friends to join you, but you knew at this short of notice there was no way they would be able to come. You quickly packed up your things, gently placing the shoe box in your bag for safekeeping, and called your car to pick you up. Your driver was waiting for you when you got downstairs.

“Hi, Peter, how’s it going today?” you asked as you climbed into the backseat.

“Hi, Ms. (Y/L/N). I’m doing alright,” he replied nervously.

“Peter, Tony’s not coming with, you can relax.”

You had learned very quickly that Tony was strict with the drivers and did not allow them to share any information about their personal lives or really speak at all during drives. Each drive with Peter Parker began with the Stark formalities until you were far enough away that there was no chance Tony would be able to join in on the ride. Once you were safe, Peter would finally let his guard down.

After getting 10 minutes away from the office, Peter took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, (Y/N), I’m doing alright. I’ve been taking night classes recently and I think they’re going really well.”

“What are they in?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of photography and journalism. I’d really like to contribute to the local newspaper, but so far they keep turning me down.”

You continued chatting for the remainder of your ride, which took far longer than you would have liked due to the traffic. By the time Peter pulled the car up to your apartment, it was already 8:00pm.

“Shit, that took forever. Peter, I need a ride to Mr. Barnes’ club tonight and need to be there before 9:00pm would it be terrible to have you just wait here for a bit so I can run up and change and then you can just zoom me over there quickly? Maybe we can go through a drive through for some food on the way?”

“Sure thing, (Y/N).”

“Alright, thank you Peter! Be right back,” you hopped out of the car and quickly got to your apartment and stripped off your clothes, pawing through your closet before finding one a suitable black dress for the night. You ran into the bathroom and touched up your makeup, applying some glittery eyeshadow and a fresh layer of mascara. You then went to the door and gingerly took the shoe box from your bag. You held your breath as you opened the box, still in disbelief that James had spent that much money on you. You slipped the shoes on and let out a long sigh at how perfectly they fit and surprisingly comfortable they were. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror before grabbing your wallet and keys, shoving them in your purse, and running out the door.

“Thanks for waiting, Peter,” you said as you got back into the car, your heart beating rapidly as you saw that it was already 8:15pm.

Peter quickly hung up a phone call and looked anxiously at you in the rearview mirror, “Of course, Ms. (Y/L/N).”

You were too preoccupied with being late to even notice Peter’s change in tone. He began to drive and stopped at a fast food drive-thru so you could order a meal, which you ate as carefully as you could to avoid spilling as Peter navigated the start and stop traffic to the club. You arrived to the club at 8:55pm, which was cutting it far too close for your taste.

“Thanks Peter! Is it alright if I call for a ride home later?”

“That’s what I’m here for, Ms. (Y/L/N),” Peter replied.

“Great, thank you!” you yelled back at the car as you jumped out.

You began to walk toward the door and couldn’t help your mouth dropping open at the line that wound its way down the sidewalk.

“Damn,” you muttered to yourself as you walked past the door and toward the end of the line.

“Hey! (Y/N)! Get back here!” you heard a voice yell behind you.

You quickly turned around and saw Steve waving at you from behind the bouncer. You walked up to the door and the bouncer stepped aside for you after getting a knowing look from Steve.

“Hi, Steve,” you said as he grabbed your hand and pulled you inside, “Don’t I need to wait in line or at least be carded?” you asked guiltily, thinking of all the people waiting outside.

“Funny,” Steve replied with a smile, leading you to the front of the club.

Steve snapped his fingers at the bar as you passed it and you were immediately followed by a waiter with a tray of drinks.

“Here you are,” Steve gestured to the table right in front of the stage, taking drinks off the tray the waiter had brought and setting them down in front of you.

“Thanks, but I don’t think I can drink all of these,” you said hesitantly.

“We were unsure if you would have any guests joining you.”

“Just me tonight,” you replied.

“Well, drink what you like and someone will come back later to clean up the remnants,” Steve said before walking away.

You looked at the array of drinks on the table. There were glasses of wine, a few mixed drinks, and a couple cans of beer. You decided after everything you had been through that day, you’d start off strong and grabbed what seemed to be a Manhattan directly in front of you. You finished it in a few gulps. You moved on to the chocolate martini, taking a long swig of it and almost choking as the sound of Steve yelling out the announcement for the White Wolf and the Howlers startled you.

The curtains whisked open and directly in front of you stood James Barnes, who was looking you straight in the eyes. He gave you a wink before he started to sing.

I’m a puppet on a string

Tracy Island, time-traveling

Diamond cutter-shaped heartaches

Come to find you four in some velvet morning

Years too late, she’s a silver lining

Lone ranger riding through an open space

In my mind when she’s not right there beside me

I go crazy ‘cause here isn’t where I wanna be

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can’t help myself, all I

Wanna hear her say is “Are you mine?”

Well, are you mine?

Are you mine?

Are you mine? Woah, ah

James didn’t break eye contact with you, and licked his lips at you after asking “are you mine” before moving on to the next verse.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I need the deep end

Keep imagining meeting, wished away entire lifetimes

Unfair we’re not somewhere misbehaving for days

Great escape, lost track of time and space

She’s a silver lining climbing on my desire

You could’ve sworn his eyes were getting darker as he continued to sing. He began to slowly grind on his microphone stand and it had you feeling butterflies in your stomach.

And I go crazy ‘cause here isn’t where I wanna be

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can’t help myself, all I

Wanna hear her say is “Are you mine?”

Well, are you mine? (Are you mine tomorrow?)

Are you mine? (Or just mine tonight?)

Are you mine? (Are you mine, mine?)

And the thrill of the chase moves in mysterious ways

So in case I’m mistaken I

Just wanna hear you say, “You got me, baby

Are you mine?”

She’s got a silver lining

Lone ranger riding through an open space

In my mind when she’s not right there beside me

I go crazy ‘cause here isn’t where I wanna be

And satisfaction feels like a distant memory

And I can’t help myself, all I

Wanna hear her say is “Are you mine?”

Well, are you mine? (Are you mine tomorrow?)

Are you mine? (Or just mine tonight?)

Are you mine? (Are you mine tomorrow?)

(Or just mine tonight?)

You were completely mesmerized by James Barnes. James winked at you as the curtain shut in front of him. You weren’t sure if you had accidentally spilled a drink on yourself given the hypnotic state James had you in or if you were slightly dampened for another reason.

You finished the martini and moved on to a glass of red wine as you sat waiting for James to come out to see you like he had done last time. Two bands and two glasses of wine later and James still hadn’t come to join you or whisk you away to dance. You decided you should probably use the bathroom as the next band set up. A waiter directed you to the area near the bar and you quickly used the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, flattened your hair down, and adjusted your boobs to get them popping more.

As you exited the bathroom, you were feeling a bit brave and a whole lot of reckless thanks to how much you had to drink. Rather than return to your table, you decided that, since James didn’t come to you, you would go to him. You snuck around the side of the dance floor to the door that led to the backstage area. You gave a quick look around before opening the door and quickly going through it. It took your eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. The loudness of the new band starting their set caused you to slightly stumble as you walked up the few stairs right inside the door. Your eyes becoming more comfortable in the dark lighting, you walked down the hallway. There were more rooms than you had expected, and they were all ajar enough that you could see bands warming up and hanging out inside of them. You continued past the bands, smiling to yourself at the thought of surprising James.

How should I greet him? You wondered, A handshake? A hug? A kiss? Just thinking of his lips against yours made you shiver with anticipation.

You felt like you had been walking for ages and you still hadn’t come across James. You thought about giving up when you reached a closed door at the end of the hallway. It was removed from the other rooms and the first door that had been completely shut. You stood there for a moment and your heart fluttered as you heard James’s voice from behind the door. You knocked lightly on the door and waited to hear him invite you in. You heard nothing, so you knocked a little harder. You still heard nothing, so you tried the doorknob. It turned. You took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

You froze and instantly sobered up as you saw what was happening inside the room. Steve was repeatedly punching a man who was tied up to a chair as James and another man tied to a chair watched.

“Tell. Me. What. You. Know.” James sneered at the man not getting punched with a tone that made your skin crawl.

“Never,” the man with a thick Russian accent responded before spitting on the ground.

“Looks like we need to try something else then,” James retorted as he smacked the man upside the head and furiously spun his chair around so they were face to face. He pulled a pair of brass knuckles from his pocket and made an ordeal of putting them on, “I’ll give you one more chance to talk.”

“Fuck you!” the Russian yelled, spitting again.

“So be it,” James said before landing a hard blow against the Russian’s jaw, “Steve, you can stop, that one looks like he’s about gone. He probably doesn’t know shit anyway.”

“Yes sir,” Steve huffed, stopping his own blows and turning to face James as he landed another punch to the Russian.

Steve’s mouth fell open as he looked past James and saw you, slack jawed and with tears brimming in your eyes.

“Shit...Buck, stop!” Steve yelled over the sound of the Russian’s scream of pain from a hard hit to the side of the head.

“Why?” James grunted.

All Steve could do was point. James turned around and the sneer on his lips quickly changed into a look of panic.

“Deal with this,” he muttered, as he slipped off his brass knuckles.

Your fight or flight response kicked in and you ran away. You fumbled through your purse for your phone and dialed Peter’s number. Although your mind seemed clear of the alcohol, your body was not and in your attempt to call Peter you tripped and fell. James caught up with you and joined you on the ground.

“(Y/N), you’re bleeding. Let me help,” James said, looking at the huge gash on you had gotten on your knee, pulling the handkerchief from his pocket, and placing it against the cut.

You winced, not from the pain, but from his touch against you, “Get away from me,” you choked out as the tears began to burn out of your eyes. You grabbed your phone and heard Peter asking for you on the other end, “Come get me, Peter,” you said, stifling your cries and quickly hanging up

“(Y/N), what you saw back there…”

“I don’t care, just get away from me!” you yelled, pushing him away from you and trying to hoist yourself up off the ground.

“Please, (Y/N), let me help you,” James said, standing up and offering you his hand.

You got yourself to a standing position on your own, “James stay the fuck away from me,” you heaved through sobs as you stumbled down the hallway.

Through your tears you fumbled down the steps and took a deep breath in before going through the door. You knew James was behind you the whole time, but you didn’t dare turn around and he didn’t dare speak again. You were afraid you would cry harder or maybe even throw up if you made eye contact with him. You tried to go as nonchalantly, but quickly through the club as you could as your knee gushed blood down your leg with every step. You got to the front door and pushed it open. You saw your car waiting and ran to get in. Rage and frustration had deafened you, but as you struggled to buckle up in the backseat, you faintly heard Peter talking to someone.

“Drive Peter!” you yelled.

Peter quickly peeled out from his spot and began to drive you home. The ride was silent, which you were thankful for. Your anger and fear fought each other the whole way and you didn’t know which emotion should win. You were afraid of everything that you had seen and angry at James for being involved in whatever it was he was involved in. As much as you hated to be, you were also angry at yourself for letting your guard down and going to look for a man who was involved in some fucked up shit.

“Here you are,” Peter said as he pulled up to your apartment.

“Thanks,” you mumbled as you got out of the car.

You quickly got your keys out and let yourself into your apartment. You kicked the shoes James had bought you off and didn’t care where they landed. You ran into the bathroom and immediately threw up into the toilet. You lay on the bathroom floor, nauseous and crying before passing out.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Do I Wanna Know? Tag List:

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