#but because i have no self restraint im just gonna say my thoughts in tags anyway

[dnpg-hiatus-survivor]

i cant say what i am thinking in terms of this video. the twitter phannies will throw me in jail

[doyouremem8erme]

I would love to see a directors cut of the vivisectanne au, it's my favorite fic series of yours (I am very mentally ill)

WOOO this may get longish im just gonna rant abt all sorts of stuff i did in there. under the cut for length and discussion of. the topics of this au! so cw for mentions of vivisection, torture, self harm, and suicidal thoughts, and passages from the fics that may contain descriptions of those. even if youre tagged you dont have to read through all of this. its heavy.

so first off the first chapter was originally all i wanted to write! i heard darcy's line at the end of tbote and i was like. woah i can do something cool with that. however i just.... kept writing. this means each installment is much more cohesive than my usual multichapters i'd published before, since i try to write them all at once before posting!

so it all started with good old vivisectianne. i wanted a bit of a callback to tc&tk with some of the first scenes:

this place, right here, where it took apart marcy's phone, is where it then takes apart anne! why did i say that so cheerfully–

ok heres an actual funny fact

this exchange originally consisted of something like this:

"...you may call us darcy."

"that's cringe."

"YOURE CRINGE!" (immediately stabs anne)

i didnt even rewrite it until i'd finished the entire fic and was rereading it for editing! it just. no longer fit the overall tone whatsoever.

ok chapter 2 comments:

dont have a lot of comments here. basically, when i decided on the length/format i wanted the fic to be (4 chapters each), i chose to have each of the first three chapters be from a different point of view, with the last being sort of a "finale." so here we switch to sasha pov!

And once she does, the robot can do nothing to prevent her from sending a punch into its eye that leaves it sparking on the ground, and Sasha wipes the blood the shattered glass has left on her fist away on her bottom hem of her tunic, and runs through the door.

^ decided to try my hand at foreshadowing stuff for once lmao, since very soon sasha will lose her eye to darcy. the actual eye loss happens offscreen between chapter 2 and 3 but this clues a careful reader in on what may be to come.

this fic was written shortly after the all in promo, so the fight between darcy and sasha is inspired by the theories revolving around that!

when sasha mentions that "olivia told [her] what it did to [marcy]," this is bc i wanted to make sure that sasha knew the basics of what had actually happened to marcy. since they were imprisoned together for a brief time during the events of the first chapter while anne was having a bad time, olivia did a bit more explanation than whatever the heck her warnings in tbote were.

ohohoho time to talk abt one of my favorite chapters... chapter 3 of icduysg!!!

people who have caught on to the pov switching would likely guess that this chapter was marcy pov. however i wanted to write the opening scene to be ambiguous for anyone else, so that the reveal sort of . comes slowly.

She wakes up on the floor of the basement with a stabbing pain in her heart. Or what’s left of it, after everything. She can’t see, she can’t—she scrabbles at her head, fingers glancing off glossy metal, and throws the object covering her face to the ground with a clank. Her hands are covered in blood. There’s a flame-edged scythe on the floor beside her, and Frog she hates that fiery blade because it’s too familiar to one she knows all too well.

the first lines could be a giveaway, but everything that comes afterward makes it more and more clear whose pov this is supposed to be.

“Please, Marcy! I—I forgive you. For everything.” And yet her words hit her like a sword to the back. And she remembers. Fire and pain and blood and dying and waking up and almost safe and claws on her scalp that tear into skin and cold metal restraints and the helmet’s slow descent and pain and screaming and screaming and screaming and orange and lightning and loneliness and darkness and the Core and—

of course i had to take the cheesy way. why not? "i forgive you for everything" / "thank you for everything" stab ME in the chest when i hear them too! rlly loved using the simile there bc it has greater meaning with marcy yknow. the way the return of memories is written in this fic, as seen also in the next chapter, is inspired by some of  nosferatank's incredible prose!

a close reader will notice that something is wrong with marcy as soon as she can't move her arms to hug sasha: she's losing control again throughout this scene. and then, though it isn't explicitly stated, sasha sees something wrong with marcy's eyes. it's marcy pov, she wouldnt be able to look in her own eyes and know that they're orange. the reason marcy remains lucid throughout it regaining control here is that the helmet is gone: i believe this is discussed in the sequel, i'll go through that when i get to it in here lol.

The invasion goes smoothly, she’s told the next time she wakes up. She doesn’t ask how it went, only knows that the castle is back in Amphibia, and that Darcy has pulled her from the tank at last, and that her world has been thoroughly conquered. It’s been about a month since they tried to rescue Marcy, apparently. A month since it took Anne apart to see how her powers worked, callous to her screams of agony.

we start out the finale chapter with a timeskip and another ambiguous pov. it's anne this time, at least at the beginning of the chapter.

and we get the next example of that style of implementing rushing memories:

Pain and screaming and blood hot on lips and pleading-desperate for this to end and flaming heat and obsidian-sharp agony and—

the basment scene with marcy waiting for anne and sasha to go through with their plan is one of my favorites. had a lot of fun with the usage of light:

Light does return, in the form of a streak of yellow light painted against the black.

andrias extends his sword in the darkness of the basement. marcy, of course, is terrified.

this fic by @skibs-scribbles is an influence throughout the last section of the finale of this fic and the tone of the entire sequel! one of my faves.

last note on this fic:

But on the nights when they get to be together, even for a few hours, they sleep in each other's arms, and let the nightmares and tears and phantom screams run through. And then they stare out at the smog-blotted stars over a world that once seemed so bright, like the kids they were before this world broke them.

this is just one of my favorite lines from the fic, im super proud of it. suits being the last line of the fic.

on to sdlgwyd!

as a marcangst lover, i chose to make this entire fic be from marcy's point of view, as she seemed the most interesting character to follow in the au. her guilt, even more intense here than in canon, seemed like an interesting place to pull from, not to mention that she's my favorite character.

a lot of this fic ends up being an allegory for self-harm, given that not only are there themes of it throughout, but the core's methods of torture very much resemble common forms of self harm.

most of the first chapter is just intended to set up the rest of the fic. this means it's establishing how the core and marcy function, the situation anne and sasha are in, etc.

one thing i think it's funny to point out, given that i wrote this before all in:

Sasha jokes, once, early on, when they still think that this may be a temporary arrangement to buy them enough time for an escape, that they now match: the deep, slicing burn on her own chest; the gnarled line of scar tissue mirrored on Marcy’s front and back[.]

look how close i got to manifesting canon! if sasha had been facing away from darcy during that scene in the last fic i wouldve straight up predicted that wild bit in all in lmao.

She deserves it. The Core agrees. And she’s not sure which of them started that line of thought anymore.

this line was surprisingly hard to word right, but i liked what i ended up with. this becomes important throughout the fic: does marcy actually think she deserves this pain, is the core only telling her that, or is it true?

when marcy goes to visit olivia and yunan in the dungeons, we get this line:

She stops in front of where it should be. The cell is drowned in thick shadows, draped over the stone like swaths of gauzy black cloth. 

the "swaths of gauzy black cloth" simile is very much intended to give a sort of funeral, mourning, etc. vibe. it seemed fitting, giving how they've likely been crying over marcy all this time.

She pauses for a glance down at the carbon-fiber bracers she knows are in place around her forearms, covering from palm to elbow in dark, dull-metallic, charcoal-gray, covering the scars that lie there. They can assume it’s only using the chair, the very place where they saw such horrible things happen to her, once again, for all she cares. They don’t need to know what happens when it picks up a glinting blade, the same one it’s used to make the changes it deems necessary for her body so long as it’s shared with a computed mind. 

this is one of the most prominent examples of the overarching allegorical theme of this fic. marcy hides the damage the core has done to her using her own hands. for whatever reason, she doesnt want them to know how it's actually been hurting her.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Is that all she can say anymore? Only those words that dribbled from her lips along with a shower of blood the night she was so violently killed, left to bleed to death with a smoking wound? Will she ever find another way to justify the fact that she’s still alive, ask for forgiveness for her existence, the pain she’s caused?

wanna point out this passage not just bc im absolutely obsessed with how i wrote it but bc. marcy girl. you need help. her mental state is in shambles bc of the suffering the core has caused.

when marcy gets back to the trio's chambers, she overhears anne and sasha discussing plans to escape. the core is not happy about this.

not only is this a pretty deep look into marcy's thoughts, theres another reference to a separate fic! during the "escape lies..." passage, there's this section:

Escape awaits off the edge of the protruding form of that ancient weapon from the top of the highest level of this castle, jutting into the void, high enough, even with the castle resting on the ground. High enough, though she won’t test it, she tells herself (the Core wouldn’t let her die anyway, she knows. It would stop her, or catch her, or do whatever it takes to repair her, bring her to life again, no matter how broken she becomes).

this is a bit of a shoutout to a plot point in beauty and the beasts by @your-local-hurt-comfort-junkie-1, another fic i adore. i wont spoil the exact thing, but if youve read that fic, you likely know what i mean.

another shoutout in this scene is "'We can’t leave.' Her words are not entirely her own." this is of course a reference to awakening by oh geeez: "lately my head's on fire and my voice is not my own..."

the next chapter contains yet another fic shoutout:

this passage is a reference to this evil thing that @maldito-arbol did in the wjh series lmao.

and then of course, inevitably:

And that subconscious wish has been granted. It’s her skin filled with gashes once again, worse than it’s ever drawn them before, her own blood splattering her face as the Core digs deeper and deeper.

...she gets that wish granted.

Not even Olivia and Yunan can help anymore, their words falling upon dulled ears and their touch upon numb skin, like she’ll never perceive the world as brightly as she once did ever again.

core bestie. you need to stop. your host is gonna break if you kepe this up.

the finale chapter of this fic is fun!

we start out with a confusing dive into a scene without context, set up to match marcy's confusion here. eventually, you can figure out what happened: marcy was knocked out by sasha and anne so that they could deal with the core.

after they succeed in their plan, they head off to kill andrias.

“I wanna kill him.” Her voice has a coldness Anne’s never heard from her. And it trembles, because she knows there was a time Andrias truly cared for her. But he’s gone too long letting the Core torment her, pretending he’s blind to the torture.

guess how much i listened to hayloft ii while writing this chapter lol. yeah it was a lot. the emphasis on "her" is of course to clarify that the core has used her voice to speak like this to anne: that's what it did back in the first chapter of icduysg.

By now, Marcy has recovered from the removal of the Core’s data enough to stand, albeit shakily, and most likely soon won’t be able to at all, after the exoskeleton finally gives out when the background functions programmed into her brain stop running.

marcy doesnt have time to confront this right now, but itll come up in the third installment! without the core powering her exoskeleton, she won't be able to walk on her own before long.

a couple scenes in this chapter are inspired by pieces of art i couldnt stop thinking about. here's the first one:

It feels heavy in her hands. She’s never held this before, only a smaller version, crafted for the Core to use in her own grasp. This is the weapon that killed her. This is the weapon that will kill her murderer. 

and the art:

the dialogue in this scene is somewhat inspired by anne's speech in all in: this was written after the finale episodes aired. meanwhile, i tried to emphasize marcy's frazzled mental state through her own dialogue. for example:

she's just not doing so well rn. havent watched arcane since last year but the vibes of this might have jinx killing silco energy??

and then andrias's actual death scene is very likely an obvious reference:

yep, direct shout-out to true colors. marcy's "you brought this upon yourself" is meant to parallel "now look what you've made me do," while "i'm truly sorry for what i did to you" lines up with "i'm sorry for everything."

anne and sasha assisting in holding the sword while marcy stabs andrias is inspired by the other art i mentioned:

and finally the fic ends on a hopeful note that's been missing since the very beginning. i really wanted this to have the same sort of distinctly soft and gentle ending seen often at the end of some epic story, when things return to a status quo. similar tone to the end of adventure time, before the island song montage, or something. a sense of saying goodbye. there's an important detail mentioned in the last section of this fic, but i wont point it out bc it spoils some of the vaugely planned plot points for the next fic in the series!

hope you enjoyed this very deep dive in to the au, this took so long to write lmao.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 5

[justauthoring]

Stuck Between (6/8)

THIS IS A SERIES: one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - final

Tag’s List: @fralackles - @epicfallenismine - @interwebseriesfan24 - @weasleyswizarding-wheezes - @chaostheoryy - @harryhooksgazebos267- @agirlwithlonelymusic - @waywardskylo - @exoticxstyles - @keiko0 - @worldsroses - @hostofthefirenation - @victim-of-wonderland - @fandomingforever - @winchesterdirective - @princenyaz - @blood-roses-and-bands - @eliza-hamilton-helpless - @vashnner - @mockingjaycello - @themistressofallevil - @dead-punk-ghost - @soliddude - @silvermisst - @bingewatchingmylifegoby - @omgitzbrandy- @joebobisachickenfart - @reniescarlett - @andthenhebowed - @nevaeh-potter15 - @theroleplayer-gameaddiction- @quickies-with-quicksilver - @lilacs-lavender - @the-pastel-badger - @kennedy-christl - @sunset-inthe-rearview - @kylo-ren-is-my-supreme-leader - @thatcrazybookwormgeek - @somanyfandomsiforgot2count - @mysticmessworld - @hanktheswaggyhonkeydonkey - @adrenaline-scream - @5sosfan77 - @maria-tifa - @maggieluvesu - @i-ship-it-ironically - @eboni-napalm-joestar - @its-zarah - @dangerous-fork - @violaclara - @dxxkxx - @imagine-that-star-wars - @paulinka97  bolded is who i couldn’t tag! Let me know if you’d like to be added!

Prompt: It was never a choice - rather a given. Yet the guilt flooded you, betraying all that had ever loved you. He was enticing and exciting and he brought a side out of you that you never knew had existed.

Warnings: please send ideas for where i could go further with this story. i don’t know why but im really struggling writing this one and when i feel like i have an idea, it gets lost in my head. if you guys could send me your ideas that would mean the world to me.

please don’t plagiarize my work - I spend a lot of my time writing, copying and pasting destroys that. If you want to repost my work. please ask first - but even then I might say no.

Kylo had told you, you could see him. Finally given you the chance to leave that Godforsaken room that was only filled with the memories of your betrayal, and said you could see Poe.

It seemed odd - that now of all times he’d allowed you. Kylo had only just gotten the both of you in his grasp and if you remembered correctly, Kylo had made it clear that he didn’t mean to let you out of his grasp. You also knew, that despite everything, you wanted to see Poe and Kylo knew that. Maybe Kylo really did care...

Every hallway looked the same and as you walked you couldn’t remember which way you turned or walked. Kylo had even trusted you enough to not lock your wrists in any restraints and no stormtroopers walked with you two. It was completely and utterly just you and Kylo - yet he remained silent. You would’ve figured, after what had just happened, that he would say something.

But he said nothing - Kylo even seemed a little angry, though you couldn’t imagine why.

But when you thought about it, Kylo was a mystery to you. You didn’t truly understand the man, or his actions and often he left you wandering in your own mind of confusion. Thinking back on it, you never were able to understand why he did the things he has - mind you, you hadn’t known the Kylo before he joined the dark side but the idea of betraying everything you ever loved... 

Shaking your head, you rid yourself of those thoughts - you hadn’t betrayed the people you loved. What you did with Kylo didn’t confirm anything. 

You continued walking further and further down many hallways until you came across the same bleak and dark hallway that you and Poe had been caught in. If you thought about it, the cell before you even looked like the one Kylo had walked through back then. But you weren’t sure if that was just your mind playing tricks on you considering they all looked the same.

You wrung your hands together, suddenly nervous to see Poe but you couldn’t explain why.

Kylo glanced at you briefly before taking a step forward - soon enough, the door slid open after Kylo pressed a series of numbers that you desperately tried to remember. But the moment your eyes turned to glance inside the cell, your heart yearning for the sight of Poe, you found nothing.

The chair you assumed Poe had been locked in was empty and the stormtroopers that had been watching him, laid on the ground, unconscious. Your eyes widened and you felt joy flood through you - Poe had gotten away. That was the only explanation. If anything else had happened to him, you’re sure Kylo would’ve known considering he is the Supreme Leader.

Kylo suddenly shifted and you were reminded at the fact that he was beside you. You took a step back when he spun to you, his eyes dark with the anger and frustration he felt. You didn’t say a word, and instead held your hand against your chest in worry and stared at up him.

“Damn it!” He yelled, his voice dangerously low. You flinched when he slammed his fist against the wall next to the cell, creating a tiny hole within it. Your eyes widened and you took another step back in self defence, but Kylo’s eyes snapped to yours and you realized he must of thought you were trying to run away.

His eyes were dark with rage, and for a moment you feared that Kylo would go back on his word and in fact hurt you. But instead they softened the moment he heard you gasp out, and his fist left the crater he’d made in the wall to signal stormtroopers who had been passing by - they were quick to rush over. You felt your body slink into itself, intimidated by the many men who surrounded you and in your vulnerable state, could quite easily hurt you.

“Yes, Supreme Leader?” One of them said, holding their blasters at the ready.

“The pilot escaped,” Kylo slowly said, seething. “Take Y/N to my room, and keep her there.”

Your heart fell with realization.

“Should we cuff her?”

You met Kylo’s eyes; “no.” He said slowly, “just- just take her to my room.”

One of the stormtroopers made their way over to you, grabbing ahold of your upper arm. “Yes, Supreme Leader.” They turned to walked away, leading you with them but your eyes stayed behind you on Kylo. You couldn’t exactly describe the feeling that spread through you, but by the look in his gaze you knew he knew -

“Oh, and whatever you do,” Kylo started and you paused along with the stormtroopers. “Do not let the pilot take her.”

Poe would try to save you first before ever escaping.

It felt like you were outside your body, watching you walk further and further from Kylo all while your eyes stayed on him. They didn’t leave until he moved and became a small, distant figure to you. If Poe tried to save you, Kylo hoped to be able to catch him again then - you knew. You just didn’t know that if things worked out the way Kylo wanted them to, he’d prove to Poe just what had happened.

You were led down the many hallways you’d just passed. You didn’t fight the stormtroopers, knowing better. You may not be restrained but you had no weapons, a attempt of escaping on your own would be useless. Besides, at the moment you weren’t sure if you did want to escape...

The entire walk was eerily silent - but you imagined stormtroopers didn’t talk often unless allowed to.

It wasn’t until you nearly reached Kylo’s room, which was shortly becoming yours, was the silence interrupted. Suddenly the stormtrooper on your right was gone, and glancing beside you, you saw him fall to the ground with a thud. A gasp escaped your lips, and looking up, you found Poe before you. You thought you’d feel relief, but you only felt dread.

“Y/N!” He called, “get down!” You didn’t hesitate listening, crouching down with your hands over your head. The stormtrooper behind you fell with a thud and you glanced up, seeing Poe make his way over to you. You straightened yourself, up glancing both ways for any witnesses before meeting Poe halfway.

Almost immediately his hands came up to cup your face, cradling you. “Did he hurt you?” Poe immediately asked, and the guilt grew the moment you saw the worry behind his eyes. “He didn’t do anythin-”

“No,” you whispered, your voice cracking because of the guilt - Poe only assumed it was because of relief. “No, i’m fine. How... How did you get free?” 

“My guards...” Poe started, smirking proudly. “They were idiots, practically let me out themselves. The moment I was out, I begun searching for you.”

You frowned at his words.

“Is everything okay?” Poe asked, pulling you closer.

You smiled the best you could; “yes - yes. We should get-”

“Going.” Poe nodded, pulling away so he could lean down to grasp your hand. You smiled at him, running along with him. You didn’t know where you were going but Poe seemed to have a pretty good idea. 

You continued running, until you were at a doorway that led to the shuttle pod down below. You leaned over the edge, watching the many First Order guards and soldiers walking around in union. You suddenly paused as realization fell over you. “How are we gonna get out of here?” You whispered hushed, leaning back against the wall as a team of stormtroopers ran by. “Kylo sent out stormtroopers for you - they’ll be everywhere.”

Poe glanced at you, furrowing his brows in confusion on how you knew that but you didn’t know that.

“When Finn helped me escape, there was a shuttle pod we escape in. We have to get into one of those.”

Glancing behind you, you paused in your thoughts, the sudden feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong. “Yeah, but you had Finn then - how are we suppose to get in there?”

Poe paused, running with you as you made it to the other side. Huffing, he looked around; “i’m not sure...”

You sighed, looking around for some kind of solution but the moment you looked away from Poe, the familiar whooshing sound went past your ears. You froze, Poe’s words drowning in the background as Kylo appeared before you. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you squeezed Poe’s hand instinctively as you slowly glanced up to meet Kylo’s gaze.

“Y/N-” Kylo started, but you shut your eyes, focusing on everything within you to block out him. It hurt you, and you hated it - hated that blocking him out pained you so much. Why? Why did you feel this way?

When you opened your eyes, Kylo was still there and he looked less than pleased. “I see where you are-”

“Y/N!” You flinched, Poe’s voice finally registering in your mind again. You snapped your head over to him, finding confused and concerned eyes staring back at you.

When Kylo’s words finally registered in your mind, you felt your heart plummet. “We have to go.” You suddenly whispered, and Poe’s brows furrowed as his eyes narrowed. “What? Why?”

“Kylo knows we’re here,” you breathed, your voice frantic. “He’ll be here any minute. We have to-” You pulled on the Poe’s hand, trying to yank him the other way but he stayed put. It was your turn to narrow your eyes this time, glancing back at him in utter bafflement. “What are you doing Poe? We need-”

“How do you know that?” Poe asked, his voice suddenly dark.

“What? Poe, we-”

“How do you know that Kylo’s coming here?” Poe repeated, this time more clear. You froze, your throat suddenly closing in on you. “How do you know he’s coming here right now?”

“Poe-”

“No, Y/N,” Poe interrupted, and his hand left yours abruptly. You gasped, shocked by his harsh movements. You watched him with terror in his eyes, watching as he paced, taking a few steps away from you as his hands fell on his hips with hesitancy. “Kylo said something to me...” Your heart plummeted - you weren’t a fool, you knew what Kylo said. “He went into my mind and saw what happened that day - between us... it angered him, I couldn’t understand why. But then he said...” Poe paused, as if he couldn’t belief his own words. “He said that you and him...”

Your jaw tightened and you felt your eyes well with your own tears. You’d tried to push it off for so long now, pretend that the feelings you’d felt weren’t true and pretended that Poe nor anyone else would never find out. Then you and Kylo had... and you’d done the same thing. But now Poe knew and - and you couldn’t lie anymore.

“Poe-” You whispered, your voice cracking as you took a step towards him. Poe only backed up and you paused, the guilt destroying you. 

“Just tell me.” Poe said, his voice suddenly emotionless. “Just tell me - is it true?”

“I just wanted to-”

“Is it true?!” Poe yelled, but the end of it ended in a whisper as he faltered in his step. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded.

Poe sighed, rapidly and shook his head, taking a step back. Your eyes narrowed as you tried to fight back the tears that desperately wanted to fall. You’d felt guilt this entire time, but seeing Poe’s eyes fall with hurt and betrayal, you couldn’t stand yourself. You bit your lip, standing there motionless, as if frozen, while your face grew pale.

“I loved you,” Poe suddenly whispered and your eyes fell shut. 

“There they are.” Your eyes snapped open and you turned around to see Kylo and a group of stormtroopers making their way over to the two of you. Poe immediately raised his blaster but with one swipe of his hand, Kylo sent it away. You felt fear run through, but not for yourself, but Poe.

The stormtroopers stepped forward, blasters raised and Kylo made his way over to you. You didn’t fight him, and shuffled his way as he dragged you.

“Another mistake, fool.” Kylo spat, once he had you were he wanted you. Poe glared back, clenching his fists in denial. 

“If you’re gonna kill me, kill me.” Poe spat, “because i’m not going back in that cell.”

“If dying is what you wish,” Kylo said and your heart rate sped up rapidly. Eyes widening, you watched Kylo signal a stormtrooper over and almost immediately he pointed his blaster at Poe. “Then dying is what you’ll get.”

You watched from your spot next to Kylo, as that one Godforsaken stormtrooper marched it’s way over to Poe. You couldn’t breathe, watching him grow nearer and nearer until the blaster was directly over Poe’s chest. Poe didn’t even meet your gaze and all you could see was the betrayal behind his eyes.

Poe always looked brave and confident but in that one moment he looked utterly and completely destroyed.

“Wait!” You suddenly screamed, your voice piercing the silence. “Wait please! Kylo!” You turned to Kylo, pressing your hand against his chest as you desperately fought his grip that just wouldn’t leave your arm.

Kylo met your gaze, frustration evident before he reluctantly nodded, signalling the stormtrooper to back down. You let out a breath of relief, stepping back the moment Kylo let go of your arm. “What?” Kylo spat, “and choose your words very carefully.”

“I’ll stay-” You started.

Kylo only laughed, “you already will be staying.”

You shook your head, making your way back over to Poe who only looked at you in utter confusion. “No, I mean, i’ll stay here with you and do whatever you want. I won’t fight, I won’t argue and I won’t try to get away. I’ll stay here, by your side and be the woman you want me to be.”

“If?” Kylo immediately asked.

“If you let Poe go.”

Poe’s eyes widened; “Y/N-” You snapped your head around at him, shaking your head as a silent warning.

“He’ll just come back for you.” Kylo said, shaking his head. 

“Poe won’t come back for me,” you said, shaking your head. 

“Like hell I won’t,” Poe spat, stepping forward despite the many guns pointing at him. You met his gazed with a warning but Poe only continued. “Y/N, no mattered what happened between the two of you I will not let you stay he-”

“You have to.” You interrupted, your voice leaving no room for arguments. “You have to if you want to live.”

“Life isn’t worth living without you.” Poe whispered, desperate for you to understand.

“I don’t love you.” You whispered, meeting his gaze. You did your best to hold your gaze strong, not letting your thoughts wander unless Kylo decided he wanted to have a look. Because even if you didn’t love Poe like that anymore, you still cared for him - you always would. “I never had. There is no point of you trying to save me. I want to be with Kylo.”

Poe looked shocked, almost heartbroken and you knew part of him wanted to believe you were just lying. But you only held your confident gaze. “Y/N-”

“I don’t love you,” you repeated. 

Poe paused and his eyes found the rest, meeting Kylo’s, Poe wavered over his life or his death. Taking a step away from you, Poe held his hands up in surrender; “fine then. I won’t come back for you.”

You turned to Kylo, desperate for him to agree.

Kylo only shook his head; “his word means nothing to me.”

You sighed, shaking your head as you took daring steps toward him. Leaning in, you softly whispered; “if you care about me like you say you do, then... you’ll let him go.”

Kylo paused, as if thinking it over. “No fighting?”

You shook your head. “no fighting.”

After a moment of deafening silence, Kylo nodded. You didn’t show it on the outside, but your body flooded with relief. Waving at the stormtroopers, Kylo said; “take him to a escape pod. Give him everything he needs to escape and make sure everyone knows i’ve allowed him free.”

The stormtroopers nodded and you watched with a tiny smile as Poe was led away. You met his eyes one final time before his figure disappeared from your sight.

more? 

this chapter was so fun to write and i want to say thank you to everyone who sent in suggestions, they were great and i plan to include all of them!! tell me, also, some feedback on this chapter!

[bangchanshehe]

Are You Mine (pt.4/?)

A/N: So from here on out is where it will start to pick up. I promise that in the future there will be smut, however it will get angsty before that happens... As always feedback and comments are always welcome. Thanks for reading.

Genre: Angst/Smut

Pairings: Baekhyun X Emily (O/C) X ???

Word count: 2.8k

The next morning you woke up feeling more excited then you’ve ever felt in your life. You made yourself breakfast and coffee and took your time getting ready. You fixed your hair and makeup until they looked perfect regardless of the fact that you would be moving later. You finished the last minute packing that you had left and left your apartment to go to SM. When you reached the building you were quite surprised at how small it was. You expected the building to be a giant fortress. There were several women and men outside of the building with their cellphones out and cameras ready to take pictures of any artists that happened to walk by. Prior to coming to Korea you listened to tons of Korean music, not only kpop and were familiar with how dedicated the fans were of their favorite groups. You giggled to yourself as you made your way inside of the building and felt proud of being able to call this your job.  

You met the receptionist at the front who looked at you curiously as if she was trying to figure out who you were.

“Can I help you with anything?” she asked you with a polite, fake smile

“Yes I’m supposed to be meeting Manager Park here?” she nodded and picked up the phone to call someone.

“Yes, hello this is Soo Bong at the front desk and there is a woman here for you…Yes I’ll do that…. Yes, thank you!” she hung up the phone and continued to work at her desk clicking on multiple things with her mouse. She printed out some documents and handed you a card.

“Mr. Park is expecting you on the fifth floor in room 507. If anyone stops you show them this, this is your identification card. The elevators are just around the corner and if you have any more questions just let me know and I’ll be happy to answer them.”

You took your things that were handed to you and headed for the elevators. The excitement started to take a toll on your heart beat, and every step you took towards the elevator was making you more and more nervous. It was starting to finally sink in for you that you were inside SM Entertainments headquarters. You entered the elevator and looked at yourself in the camera of your phone checking that you still looked okay.  The elevator came to a stop at the fifth floor and you made your way out and walked slowly to room 507 to stop and look around the rooms that were open and any people that were walking by. You felt like a star struck fan girl and you reminded yourself to snap out of it. You picked up your pace to come face to face with door 507. You pulled any last bit of self-restraint that you had and knocked on the door. You heard shuffling footsteps and the door suddenly opened wide. You smiled up at Manager Park with a small smile but your grin quickly fell to a surprised expression when a very exhausted looking Baekhyun opened the door instead.

“Come on in I won’t bite!” he moved to the side to allow your entrance. Once you were inside you took a seat at the desk and Baekhyun made his way over to the desk to take a seat as well. He hastily slurped down what was left of his cup ramen and chugged a coke before he finally spoke again.

“Sorry about that I felt like I was gonna die if I didn’t finish my food real quick. My manager had to step out really fast to finish up some last minute arrangements before you could move into our building so I’ll be showing you around for now until he gets back.” Baekhyun in between gasps of air, no doubt feeling heartburn. The boy who looked as handsome as ever in just plain clothes with a smile that could kill, eliminated any possible romantic thoughts in your mind with the way he swallowed what was left in his cup in the two gulps.

You immediately felt bad for not coming a few minutes later so that the poor man in front of you could eat his meal slowly and enjoy it. He gathered up his trash and threw it away by throwing it in the trash as if it were a basketball. When it went inside of the trash he turned to you with a satisfied smile on his face.

“Did you see that?” he asked, and you nodded your head.

“Yes LeBron James I did.” You chuckled as his smile got wider.

“Come on I’ll show you around some.”

He moved to get up and you immediately followed as he explained in detail what was on each floor until you reached the elevator. He pressed a button that led you to the floor that he just explained was the floor with the dance practice rooms.

The door opened and you noticed a change in the atmosphere immediately. The halls were lively and the décor was friendly and fun, compared to the boring in contrast hall that you just came from. You could feel the music coming from behind doors. Yes, literally feel the music. The sound waves hit you and you could feel what song the group was listening too. You smiled to yourself as you began to try to identify the beat. Baekhyun noticed your smile and turned to you with a small smile of his own

“What?” he asked

“Nothing, im just trying to-“you nodded your head and snapped your fingers “Limitless!” you almost yelled out and Beakhyun looked at you surprised

“How did you know?” he asked you with wide eyes

“I can feel the song.”

“But I thought you weren’t a fan of kpop?!” he asked you incredulously

“I never said that! What would make you think that? And why would I work for SM if I didn’t?” he nodded at you with a smirk

“So you just don’t like EXO then?”

“No, I like EXO a lot actually!” you said with a shy smile. You were always willing to admit that you liked something even when it was an unpopular opinion, but admitting this in front of Baekhyun just seemed intimate and personal. Like you had opened up personal information to him.

“Who is your bias?” he immediately asked with eyes so big they looked like they would pop out of his skull.

“That is something that you will never live to know Byun Baekhyun!” you said laughing as you watched his face fall.

“NOONA!” he pouted and whined, tugging on your sleeve.

“How rude of you to assume that I’m older than you, old man!” his pout instantly lifted into curiosity and then into a smirk.

“So I’m your oppa?” he pat the top of your head and bent forward to be at eye level with you “you really are just a cute little princess! Call me oppa, okay?”

“I will call you Baekhyun, because oppa is not work appropriate!”

You scoffed at him and turned your head when you noticed that the door to the practice room opened and a confused person was standing there as you and Baekhyun blocked the door way.

“I was just going to come get Johnny can you tell him that I’m ready whenever he is!” Baekhyun yelled over the loud music to the person standing in the door way. He stood straight and waited for our company to join us.

As soon as the door opened again you looked up and you fought the urge to drool when you saw the idol at the door way making his way towards you and Baekhyun. Your heart was pounding in your chest when you made eye contact with Johnny. He was so much more handsome in person that you would have ever expected. Simple tasks like breathing seemed to be a lot more work than they usually do as you found yourself actually paying attention to your breaths to calm them down. Being shorter, men with height had always been a weakness for you. Having the 6 foot 1 man himself standing next to you made you feel weak in the knees. That same smile that you had dreamt about countless times was now directed at you and you almost drooled.

Everything about his was better in person. His eyes, his makeup free face, his relaxed style and his beautiful hair were all things that you could get used to seeing often. And above all his skin tone was so beautiful compared to your paler skin tone. You weren’t surprised by how tan he was, but it felt like it was the first time actually seeing his skin. The poor boy was so whitewashed to make himself look lighter, but you had to admit that his tan skin was something that made him even more attractive.

“So I hope you don’t mind tagging along with us for now until Manager Park comes back, she’s new here and I’m showing her around.” Johnny nodded and turned back to you bowing and introducing himself.

“Hello, I’m johnny. It’s nice to meet you.”

You quickly bowed back and introduced yourself as well.

“Hello, I’m Emily! It’s nice to meet you too, I’m a big fan of yours!”

Johnny began to smile down at you even wider than he was and lightly laughed. You could feel at the heat in your body rise to your face. What possessed you to say that in front of him? You mentally kicked yourself for being so embarrassing.

“Well, thank you for supporting us!” Johnny said with a megawatt smile that could make blind women faint.

“Do you by chance speak English?” he asked you quietly and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m working here as an English teacher.”

He smiled and put a hand on your shoulder and the other was on his hip.

“I’m a little more comfortable speaking English, so let’s speak like this okay?”

You could have squealed like a little school girl. It was something just as simple as speaking English with each other, but when you heard Johnny speaking English in videos or live streams it was like hearing his voice for the first time.

“To be honest, I’m still not that great at Korean either, so that works for me!”

“Well, why don’t I help you with Korean and in return you can be my new friend.”

“What?” you asked completely shocked

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He said laughing

“No, no, no.” you cleared your throat. “That’d be really nice, actually. I don’t have too many friends yet.” You clarified.

“Alright then from now on we’re friends.” He slid his hand off of your shoulder and put it on his other hip. “Also you don’t need to use honorifics you can just call me Johnny.”

You nodded your head and smiled at him. You had a feeling that being friends with him was going to be embarrassing for you. Your heart beat out of your chest just being in the same room with him, so how were you supposed to talk to him or be friends without acting like a total fool?

“Or if you’d like you can call me oppa.” He said with a cocky grin and your eyes almost doubled in size as you stood there with your mouth hanging open. At this point you knew that Baekhyun had no idea what the two of you were talking about, but he would definitely pick up on him saying oppa.

Baekhyun stood still waiting for the sweet sound of your rejection to Johnny, knowing that you wouldn’t call Johnny oppa, if you wouldn’t call him oppa. But, he wasn’t prepared for you to actually agree to it.

“Okay… oppa” you said meekly looking down at your shoes.

“YAH!” Beakhyun yelled, startling the two of you, pointing his finger at you.

“Why? Why would you call him oppa and not me?” he questioned acting hurt and disappointed holding his chest.

“Because we’re friends” you stated plain as day, and he scoffed at you

“And we’re not friends?” he asked.

“You’re technically a student so it’s inappropriate, but Johnny isn’t my student”

Baekhyun stood there for a minute sulking and whispered to himself.

“Why am I getting jealous?”

He huffed and turned to go back to elevators, walking away from the situation.The next stop was your office which was on the third floor. Your office was small, but had all of the space that you would need. You had a cute little window with a plant in the windowsill soaking up the sunrays. There was a desk with a desktop computer and a calendar on your wall with a joint whiteboard. Across from your desk sat a single chair for guests to sit in.

You started to smile thinking about all of the decorating that you could do to make the office your own. You sat down in your desk chair looking around the room and mentally designing your space. You tapped on the space bar on your keyboard and your desktop turned on.

You were shocked by what pulled up and you broke out into loud laughter. Baekhyun having the key to your office, must have snuck inside and saved your background to an image of himself.

You looked over at the suspect and he was looking up at the ceiling with a smile on his face feigning ignorance. When he finally lowered his gaze and made eye contact with you he smiled back and put his hands up in front of himself.

“It’s okay, there’s no need to thank me. Now you’ll be blessed to see me every day even if I’m not physically here.” He said Johnny walked over to the back of your desk to take a peek at what you two were laughing about. When he saw what it was he laughed and gave Baekhyun a thumbs up. He moved out from behind your desk and noticed your white board. He grabbed a marker and wrote out ‘FIGHTING!’ with three hearts.

Baekhyun had taken notice and rolled his eyes. He didn’t know what about Johnny made him feel so competitive but he hated it. Maybe it was the fact that you got to call him oppa, or the fact that the two of you had just met and were already friends. Baekhyun had never seen Johnny so friendly to anyone other than his members, so of course he felt a little suspicious. But in the end he told himself not to let it get to him, that you two were just close because the both of you were from the states.  He coughed and got up from the guest chair.

“So, I’ve got to take Johnny to do some work, if you need anything you have my number. Manager Park should be here soon, and I’ll let him know that you’re in your office. The bathrooms are right down the hall and there’s also a vending machine in case you get thirsty or need a snack.”

He looked over at Johnny and nodded his head once to the door before exiting. Johnny quickly followed and made sure to quietly shut the door behind himself. He quietly followed Baekhyun to the elevators and when they both got inside he broke the silence.

“So hyung, you seem like you know Emily well.”Baekhyun just grunted and nodded his head.

“So… do you know if she’s dating anyone?” Johnny asked quietly

Baekhyun froze. He didn’t want anyone else to be interested in you and especially not Johnny. He saw the way you blushed and how shy you were acting around him. He knew that if Johnny pursued you that you’d most likely say yes to him. He felt threatened so he did what he thought was best for himself.

“Yeah, his name is Cole I think. They used to live in the same building as each other.” He said giving Johnny a soft smile

“Oh, I see” Johnny muttered down looking at his shoes and nodding his head “Cole’s a lucky guy”

“Yeah” Baekhyun whispered.

He hated having to lie, especially to one of his own friends, but he felt like there was nothing else he could do. Baekhyun genuinely liked you from the moment he saw you at the bar. He watched you as you sat by yourself and just appreciated the music and the environment without having to be a part of it, and he admired that about you. You seemed to make what some people would say a crazy and chaotic night into a night where you were lost in your own world.He knew that eventually if Johnny did stick around and become your friend that he’d eventually find out that you weren’t dating Cole. But he hoped that maybe when he found out that you’d be dating himself instead.

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