#but back to point 2. considering the song is about wanting to hook up with an ex. it's possible the 'lick' is not an innocent act

[iamyounicorn]

having a pop girlie moment here so excuse me while I say this but 1. this video is so funny to me because it's so. those "what if being gay was the rule" memeys except it's. cat furries. it's only barely tangentially related to the song. 2. when the song goes "you want your pride and, love, I want to lick you!" (around 1:35) I keep expecting him to say "I want to fuck you" instead no matter how many times I listen to the song

[nanpecan]

₊✩‧₊˚once more to see you˚₊✩‧₊ pt 3

{nanami x f!reader}

pt 1.  pt 2. pt 4. pt 5. pt. 6

˚₊✩‧₊summary: You’re a manager at Jujutsu Kaisen and you've now had two extremely intimate encounters with grade 1 sorcerer Nanami Kento. You're doing your best to go back to work like nothing happened. You're attending meetings, running a few errands, and having a very very close call with a curse and an ancient relic.

˚₊✩‧₊tags: nanami x fem!reader, slight angst, gore kinda (you're fighting a curse and it gets intense fast)

˚₊✩‧₊word count: 6.8k (do i even have to apologize at this point)

˚₊✩‧₊author’s note: this chapter is a little more centered around Y/N as a character. Nanami IS in it but i feel like he isn't the focus so i apologize. but ! i've attached pt. 4 as well because that does have nanami and a fun little hook up hehe. I won't be offended if a lot of y'all skip this to get to the next part. I know i would

˚₊✩‧₊this is the mitski song i had in mind for this chapter idk

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You shut the car door and put your seat belt on wordlessly. “You okay? I’ve never seen you so quiet after drinking.” Akari said, breaking you out of your daze. 

You looked at her and considered telling her everything. “Akari…” she looked at you with a questioning look. She smiled. 

“You know, Nanami was asking questions about you while you were up singing with Ijichi.” 

“What?” 

“It was little things. Like he kept asking for clarity on things whenever we brought you up. I don’t know if you even noticed.” 

“What kind of things?” 

“Well he was asking how long you’ve been here. He seemed to know that you’d joined the school when you were 16, during Ijichi’s third year. But he wanted to know how you did.” 

“What did you tell him?” you asked. 

“Eh, I said something about how your classmates were assholes. But that doesn’t matter. He also asked about your relationship status.” She glanced at you with a cheeky smile. You gave her a blank stare. “Well, not directly, but Shoko asked about my dating life and I told them how we were both hopeless, and I may have mentioned that date you went on where the American called you exotic and tried to grab your ass.” She laughed as she remembered. “He smiled when I mentioned you kicked his ass.” 

You smiled and she seemed happy that you were more relaxed. “I could just tell he was interested in you, and you know I’m good at reading people.” 

“You’re too flattering.” You said. “I don’t think he’s interested in me like that.” 

“You’d be surprised, maybe he feels connected with you after he saw your IBS crisis.” She laughed. “Too soon? I’m sorry.” 

You smiled and shook your head. You felt a burning in your chest. “You don’t think he was talking so much because he was into you? He didn’t talk to me at all.” 

Akari scoffed. “If he was into me I’d turn him down immediately.” She frowned. “If I didn’t know his age I would have thought he was in his late thirties, and I’m not into dudes that much older. You know I like them hot and stupid.” 

“That hasn’t worked out so well for you in the past, maybe it’s time to change it up.” 

Akari furrowed her brows. “Why are you pushing him on me, fight for your man, girl.” 

You slumped back into your seat. “I’m telling you he doesn’t like me like that.” 

She rolled her eyes. “And why are you so sure?” 

“Because he told me so.” You muttered. 

“What?” She suddenly got serious. 

“...Can you keep a secret?” 

“What happened? Y/N??” She looked over at you. “Hang on, we're almost at my place. I need to be all ears.” 

“You can’t tell anyone, and you can’t judge me.” 

“Wait! Don’t tell me anymore!” 

Akari quickly parked the car and ran out. She practically pushed you all the way into her apartment and onto her couch. She quickly poured you another drink before pouring one for herself. 

“Okay,” she handed you the cup. “I had a feeling something happened, you’ve been acting so weird.” 

“You wanna take a guess?” You said before taking a drink. 

She hesitated. “My gut was telling me that something happened with the curse he exorcised yesterday. And I thought that maybe it had gotten to you and you were overly flirty and confessed or something.” 

“We had sex.” 

She choked on her drink. “What!” 

You buried your head in your hands and groaned. “The curse injured him and infected him with lust. I was just standing outside the barrier. I was checking my phone when he came stumbling out into the car, and well…things escalated and…yeah.” 

Akari looked at you in shock. She put her drink down. “He didn’t report an injury. Was he in his right mind?” 

You understood what she was implying. “He wasn’t violent. The opposite actually. I was surprised too, he wouldn’t let me tend to his wound.” You took another drink. “It was great.” 

She still looked concerned. “But he told you he wasn’t into you.” 

You frowned. “We didn’t really talk much afterwards. I think he was more embarrassed or maybe he regretted it… Anyway I ran into him at the bakery that I like and we talked for a bit there.” You sighed as you remembered. “I confessed that I liked him and he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship with me, so I said we should forget everything that happened.” 

“I’m sorry.” Akari said. “What an asshole, I bet he said it just like that too. He’s so blunt. You didn’t deserve that.” She looked at you. “I’m sorry he showed up tonight. I can’t imagine how awkward that must have been for you. But I’m serious. He was asking little things about you. So maybe there’s hope?” She turned her head and scowled, “If it was me I wouldn’t want to see the bastard.” 

You took a deep breath, you didn’t want to tell her about the bathroom. Not that it was wrong, you just wanted time to process everything. You frowned. You had just ruined his chances with her, you were painting him out to be a villain. “He was very sweet though. I understand where he’s coming from. I mean, I don’t think he really had any control over his mood and I should have turned him down. I have regrets too. I think it’ll be easier to just forget. If he does want something he should be the one to approach me.” You laid back on the couch. “The shittier thing to do would have been not to acknowledge it at all. He’s a good guy, it’s just like you said. He’s blunt.” You smiled at Akari. “This is our secret, okay?” 

Akari nodded looking at you sympathetically. “Of course.” She came closer to you and hugged you. “Other than the mess, I’m glad he was nice to you. You pulled your long-time crush, that’s powerful girl.” 

You smiled and hugged her back silently. 

You both went to bed shortly after and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

The bathroom. He had said he didn’t want to talk, fucked you, and even wanted to take you home. This sort of contradicted your theory of him liking Akari, right? No, he just thinks you’re easy. You frowned. You should have let him speak before you cut him off…twice. You’d just been afraid that what he’d say would hurt your feelings. 

You tossed and turned thinking about him, remembering his touch, his lips. Despite it all he had been so gentle, so desperate to have you again. It hurt your feelings thinking about it. He had done all that but he didn’t really want you. You sighed, if he asked to have you again, would you do it?, you wondered. Yes, you decided, feeling hopeless. You felt very strongly about him and despite him not reciprocating your feelings, yours hadn’t diminished. You might have liked him more, or at least the idea of him more. You slowly dozed off. 

You were pretty quiet the next morning and Akari let you just exist. She drove you to work, talking about things here and there but not bringing him up. You were grateful for her. “You know I do love you.” 

Akari smiled as she turned off the ignition to the car. “I’ve always got your back.” 

You both rushed into the meeting room afraid of being late but when you got there, there were only two other managers including Ijichi, and Principle Yaga sitting silently with a frown on his face. 

You checked your watch. There were two minutes until the meeting was supposed to start. No other sorcerers were here. You sat down next to Akari and Ijichi. You looked at the empty chair beside you and for a moment thought about switching sides with Akari but you decided it was too much. You were thinking too much about it. He was not going to sit next to you, that would have been bold and stupid. 

Suddenly the door opened and Shoko walked in giving you and Akari a smile. Two more sorcerers came in with a minute to spare. You watched the clock strike 7 and the door opened again. You didn’t have to look up to know who it was, his aura gave him away. You heard him head in your direction and you whipped your head in surprise as you heard the chair next to you slide out and Nanami sit down. 

You clenched your jaw and felt Akari poke you from the other side. You looked at her.

 You okay? She asked with her eyes. You nodded and rolled your eyes with a smile. She smiled back. You didn’t turn to look at him. 

This wasn’t the first time he had sat next to you in a meeting. The first time you had been way more nervous. It was about a year and a half ago; after he had just rejoined Jujutsu society. You had already started crushing on him and he had asked you for a pen to jot down some small detail about a schedule change. The rest was history.

Your thoughts were interrupted when the doors burst open and you heard a familiar chuckle. “Okay, okay, we can start now. I’m here!” Gojo. He walked in cockily and sat down in the front row of seats. Yaga gave him a scrutinizing look before standing up, ready to start. 

“You’re just the man I wanted to see, I have a mission for you.” Yaga grumbled. Gojo yawned in response. “Good morning everyone, I’ll make this short.” He shuffled some papers. “An update on the Okkotsu case, the boy’s violence has escalated resulting in the death of three high school students on Thursday evening. Yesterday Kisagari and Harutomi were sent to investigate and were instructed to bring the boy back.” He clenched his jaw. “They did not check in last night and upon further investigation Harutomi was found dead this morning a little outside the school grounds.” 

The room went silent. You frowned, this was more serious than anticipated. Both of the sorcerers were grade two, it came as a shock that one of them was dead.

“Satoru, can I rely on you to pick up where they left off?” 

Gojo stretched his arms and leaned back on his chair. “Of course,” he responded. 

Yaga went over some other brief reminders before dismissing the meeting. You’d volunteered to deliver some items the school was exchanging with the Kanagawa Prefecture Cultural Museum. You stayed in your chair a little longer reading over the file Akari handed you. Nanami slowly got up from his chair and you could sense him staring at you. He probably wanted to talk. You owed him that much. You turned to look at him but before you could say anything Ijichi appeared next to him. 

“I’m ready to head out whenever you are.” He said to Nanami. 

Nanami turned to him and nodded. “Let’s go.” 

You looked at Nanami but he turned away and started heading towards the door. You frowned and turned back to the papers in front of you. 

“You okay?” Akari said. 

You looked at her and smiled. “Yeah, I think I’m over it. It was a one night stand situation, I’m overthinking it.” She didn’t look convinced but you shook your head. “Believe me I’m not angry or hurt. Life’s too short for that.” 

    -

You headed out to your school assigned car and sat down. You glanced at the back seat in the rear view mirror. You felt your cheeks get hot as you remembered what had happened, and smacked your hands to the sides of your face. You could try to talk to him later…maybe.

As you drove towards Naka you thought about what you might eat for lunch. Along with bringing the items to the museum and picking up the ones they were trading, you were to go around and check the shrines in the area. You’d had a mission around here a while ago and remembered a soba restaurant close to the museum. Since you had spent the night at Akari’s you didn’t have the sandwich you had planned to eat today. Oh well, you thought, at least I wasn't the one that paid for it. 

You noticed you were getting close and called ahead to the museum. “Good morning, this is Y/N with Jujutsu Tech. I'm about 30 minutes away.” 

“Oh perfect,” A woman answered. “Head towards the employee parking, we’ve told the guard to let you in. By the way, we came across a new artifact donated by the estate of one of our late patrons. It looks very old and was kept in a special box, would you be able to take it to get it assessed?” 

“Yes of course!” You were a little hesitant to pick up unregistered cursed objects but usually it was no big deal. Especially if it was kept in a special box. It would be fine. 

As you walked into the back of the museum, a shiver went up your spine and you got a terrible feeling in your gut. You took a deep breath and went in, a little on edge. You went to the room you’d been instructed to and waited. Some of the items you were expecting to pick up were already laid out. An old cursed katana in need of restoration and a few Edo period items. You put down the box you were carrying. You were exchanging these items for an ancient tea set from the Nara period that was in prime condition and a painting scroll from around the same time. 

“Sorry for running a little late.” You jumped as a voice came from behind you. You tensed as you turned, you hadn’t even felt the person’s presence. 

“Oh, no problem, I’m Y/N.” 

“Yes, yes, this is the item I spoke to you on the phone about.” 

The lady put down an intricately decorated green box about 6 inches long and 4 wide. “We just got it in this morning. Our staff decided to open it to see what was inside, but only found one small object wrapped in a sort of paper wrap with writing on it. We couldn’t decipher the language, but right after we opened it the lights in the museum went out so we closed it.” She laughed nervously. “None of us are very superstitious, but we did get spooked.” 

She picked up the box to hand it to you. You grabbed it but felt that she had a tight grip on it. You pulled a little harder to take it from her but she just stared at the box. “Ma’am?” You pulled again but her grip hadn’t faltered. 

“I just…would like to see it one more time.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good-“ she yanked the box back and quickly lifted the locking notch to open the box. She stared inside. 

You went around her to look inside as well and gasped. You knew what this was. You had only seen one brought to the school when you were a student. It was one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers. You quickly shut the box and yanked it out of her hands. 

“I’ll take it from here.” She seemed to snap out of her daze and nodded. 

“Yes- uh. Let me find a box to put these loose items in so you can carry them easier. Excuse me.” The lady left the room and you stared at the box in shock. You needed to get this out of here.  

You quickly pulled your phone out and called the school. 

“Hello, this is Y/N. I’m picking up items from the Kanagawa Cultural Museum and they have given me one of Ryomen Sukuna’s fingers.” 

The person on the other end let out a small noise. “Is it bound?” 

“It’s wrapped in a talisman and contained in an emerald box.” 

“Okay... We can send the closest available sorcerers to assist you in ensuring it gets returned to the school without interruptions. Do not worry about your other tasks, the finger is the new priority.” You looked back at the box nervously. “Do you know if they unraveled the talisman?” 

“They opened the box and examined the finger but quickly closed it back up. The finger appears to still be partially wrapped in the box.” 

“We should assume they unwrapped the finger, even if it was only for a little bit, so there might be curses coming that way, and the talisman is probably weakened if not all together useless.” The guy sighed on the phone. “You said this was Y/N correct.” 

“Yes.” 

He was silent. “Take the finger and run, you won’t be able to handle whatever curses are coming your way.” 

You were hurt by his comments but knew it was true. You thanked him and hung up. You looked at the door. The lady was taking a while. You quickly began to unload your box and started loading the other contents into it. The sword was going to stick out too much so you quickly stuck it to your hip using your belt. You placed the finger in last and picked up the box. You went back into the hallway and once again felt the energy sour. 

You headed towards the exit when you noticed a shoe in the hallway. You clenched your teeth. It was a woman’s high heel, the same kind the lady had been wearing earlier. Your instincts told you to run to the car but then a smell hit your nose. Blood. Blood and the sickeningly bitter scent of a curse. 

Run. Your body was telling you to run. You were close to the exit, the car was parked right outside the door. You started to move your legs and turned towards the exit. You had been told the nearest sorcerers were heading your way. Someone else would be here to help. You would just get in the way and end up dying. You couldn’t fight, not well anyway. You didn’t have any weapons, you needed to leave, you needed to - you stopped in your tracks as you heard a small noise. You listened intently. 

“Help!” It was a whisper. “Please.” An agonizing voice coming from behind you. You turned trying to find the voice. “Help.” It was coming from the hallway to your left. You hesitated. You blinked and took a deep breath. You clutched the boxed items closer to yourself and your hand went to the katana on your hip. It was old and rusted but it was something, you weren’t completely unarmed. You quickly went toward the noise and peeked around the corner. 

You stood there shocked. The lady was sitting on the floor, her back to the wall, her face twisted in pain. She had a deep purple bruise on her right ankle and her left foot was gone. It looked like it had been hastily bit off. Where she was bleeding there was a small yellow curse lapping up the blood. 

“Help! Help me! Help.” She started yelling as she saw you approach. You ran over to her and shushed her. The little yellow curse didn’t even notice you, it was too busy drinking the blood, but it was growing in size. You put the box down next to her and looked at her wound. It was big, an injury like this required immediate attention. Your mind raced as you thought about what to do. You could try to heal it, try to use your RCT. However you had no medical knowledge whatsoever so the chances of you messing it up were greater than you fixing it. But you had to do something. Even if you didn’t understand, stopping the bleeding or scabbing it over would help tremendously. 

I don’t have enough CE for this, you thought bitterly. It would take a lot. You looked at the little creature in front of you and something clicked in your brain. You couldn’t explain it but you just knew what to do. You grabbed the creature by the base of its neck. It didn’t even flinch, it was too preoccupied consuming the trickling blood. That was until it started shrinking, its fingers curling, the tips of its ears wilting and then it started thrashing in your hands. 

You were absorbing its cursed energy. Your hand burned as you felt the rotten energy enter you. Your veins ached and you winced, feeling like you were going to be sick. The input was foul, you felt like you needed to expel it, quickly. You placed your other hand on the bloody stump and tried to focus on your reverse cursed technique. You laughed when you noticed something was happening only to flinch as the creature started to kick and scratch at you. You slammed it onto the floor trying to subdue it. It became more and more withered as you became accustomed to the feeling of absorbing its energy. The wound was looking much better. Almost. 

The yellow creature let out one final shriek before it completely deflated. The lady’s ankle was now a hardened scab. You knew it hadn’t healed completely but it wasn’t going to get any worse. You looked up and saw that she was staring horrified at your hand wrapped around the stump. In your other hand, the curse was now a grey lump of flesh. You clenched your fist and it disintegrated into ash. 

You looked up at the lady and let go of her leg. “We need to get outside.” Once outside you could make a veil and prevent whatever was inside from getting out. You had quickly deduced that the small yellow curse was not the one that had done the damage. There was something bigger and stronger and it was looking for the finger. 

You grabbed the green box with the finger, tucking it under your arm as you helped the lady up, letting her lean on you as you started for the door. You quickly hobbled there together. You were going to make it. You were two feet from the door. One foot. Your hand reached out to push when you suddenly felt the wind get knocked out of you. Your mouth flew open and released a stream of blood. The world went black for a second and you felt yourself falling. You came to, right before you hit the ground and regained your balance. You turned around quickly but your body was overcome with pain. Your hand went to your abdomen, you had broken some ribs. But what had hit you? You looked over at the lady and saw she was unconscious. “Shit.” You slid her off your shoulder and looked around for a curse. Nothing. You quickly checked her pulse. She was breathing. You sighed and stood up looking around. 

The box! You looked around the floor for it. You had dropped it when you had been hit. It was nowhere to be found. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” You realized now the curse had probably slammed into you while trying to get the box. You had to get it back and fast. You stopped. No this isn’t right. I need to get this lady to safety and set a veil. I need to wait for the closest sorcerer to arrive, I can’t fight. You heard screaming from the hallway again. You clenched your jaw. You were terrified. 

You looked down at the lady and quickly picked her up. You were right by the door. You pushed open the door wheezing a little and trying your best to ignore the pain as she leaned into your broken ribs. You set her down on the steps outside and turned to the building. The curtain! you needed to put one up. You lifted a hand and muttered your phrase. 

You opened your phone and dialed the school. The same person picked up. “The situation has escalated. I was attacked and the curse got a hold of the finger. So far there's only been one confirmed injury, but I think many others are in danger. I’ve placed a veil for now,” you said.

“Stay put, help is almost there.” You looked back at the building and frowned. You hung up. You heard another yell and your stomach dropped. You felt yourself tearing up. There had to be something you could do. You needed to do something, anything, you couldn’t just stand there while everyone inside was in danger. It wasn’t fair. 

You felt your body move and before you realized, you found yourself stepping into the veil. You quickly went to the door and stepped back into the building. You saw more of the little yellow creatures climbing up and down the walls. You counted seven. They were all moving towards the same place. Looking along the wall, you spotted what you were looking for and quickly hobbled over to push the fire alarm. 

The alarm rang in your ears. You coughed and winced as more blood came out of your mouth. Your chest ached with every step, every breath, but you kept going. Someone was yelling for help. Without thinking you snatched one of the little yellow curses and started absorbing it. You were careful not to heal your own wounds. You’d been able to help the lady, but with little understanding of internal anatomy, something told you you’d do more damage than good. 

You turned the corner and found a man in shock staring at where his hand once was. You rushed over and grabbed it with your free hand exerting the cursed energy into it. The little fiend shriveled in your hand again as the wound scabbed over.

As the alarm cycled you hoped people in the museum were evacuating. Since you were in the employee backrooms you couldn’t tell. The man stared at his hand traumatized and you left him there to try to find the creature. The closer you felt you got, the more of the little yellow demons swarmed the walls, like vultures waiting for prey. You pushed past twenty trying to get through a door frame and you were surprised to see that there were at least a hundred in the next room. The curse you were looking for was there too. 

It was a large pudgy creature, around 6 feet tall with frog-like features. It had grubby hands and ornate green stripes along its back. It was muttering something, you couldn’t make out the phrase. It had a disembodied human hand in its mouth and it was sucking on the exposed wrist draining it of blood. Every time it slurped, the fingers of the hand would contract open and closed. It made your stomach uneasy. 

The curse didn’t notice you coming in, it was too preoccupied trying to open the emerald box. You noted the curse had it backwards and was trying to pry it open on the side with the hinges. You didn’t know how much longer you had. You debated what to do. In this room the curse was isolated, it couldn’t access any more victims and hopefully a majority, if not all, of the people in the museum had evacuated. There was a sorcerer on the way, you could leave it here or wait outside of the door to direct them towards the curse. 

But the finger….You could get it while it was distracted, or at least try to. You had the katana and even though it was old, it was still a weapon. As you pondered what to do you noticed the room had gone silent. The creature was still mumbling and trying to get the box open but the other small yellow creatures had gone quiet. You put your hand on the hilt of the katana once again uneasy. You made your decision. Even if you were useless you could buy some time. You slowly crept closer and closer to the curse. You took a quiet breath before pulling out the sword and swinging it at the monster's neck. 

The sword hit the curse’s flesh with a loud thunk. It was blunt. Practically useless. The creature stopped struggling with the box and its head quickly turned to look at you. It had two sets of eyes, although they all seemed to be looking in different directions. Suddenly the curse made a dive at you, mouth open ready to bite. 

You attempted to dodge to the right but you were too slow to completely move out of the way. You felt a cool sensation on your arm and you turned to see your left arm in a sorry state. The skin on your forearm and elbow was gone. Blood poured out and you could only stare in horror. The pain hit you all at once and you barely managed to turn away from your arm, trying to locate where the curse was now. It was staring at you seemingly confused as to how it had missed you, the sliver of your flesh hanging down out of its mouth like a tongue. 

It looked like it was going to charge at you again and as you started backing away you realized your back was to the wall. It realized this too and moved forward at a ridiculous speed. All you managed to do was bring up the old katana. You shut your eyes embracing yourself for the fatal blow but you only felt the curses’ plump body falling into you, wriggling around. The sword was in your hand but your wrists were twisted awkwardly around the handle and you realized it had become stuck in the creature's mouth. You let go and pushed against the creature with your leg. 

In its shocked state, it stumbled backwards and you were able to see what had happened. It had opened its mouth wide and lodged the katana between the top of his mouth and his jaw. He couldn’t shut it. It reached desperately to try to pry it out but its stubby arms couldn’t reach inside its own mouth. 

You quickly took advantage of its distraction to try to locate the green box. You spotted it on the ground in the middle of the room.You looked back at the creature making sure it was still distracted and started sneaking away. 

It suddenly let out a loud screech and its body started contorting. Its head grew bigger and smaller, arms longer and shorter. It seemed to be trying to molt out of its body to get rid of the sword. But no matter how much it twisted and yelled the sword wouldn’t come out. You wondered for a second, what kind of curse was imbued on the sword. 

You took another step away and suddenly the creature’s attention snapped back to you. You tried to make a run for it but it hurtled its way in front of you and slammed you back into the wall. 

You yelled out weakly, more blood spilling from your mouth and your left arm sending a shooting pain throughout your body as your exposed muscle stained the wall with your blood. The curse moved its hands to your neck and lifted you up, choking you against the wall. You desperately tried to inhale and tried not to panic, but the combination of the pain and lack of oxygen wasn’t letting you think clearly. You kicked desperately at the curse but it wasn’t budging. You put your hands up to its wrists and tried to budge them to no avail.   

As you started to see dots, your kicks got weaker. You felt its grip tighten and your hands fell weakly onto its arms. You began trying to take the energy out. Your body felt almost as if it was on autopilot. No air and feeling defeated, you started to allow the cursed energy you were absorbing into you entirely. You felt a burning sensation on your arm and coming from inside your chest. Your entire body felt hot as you felt things fixing themselves. You also noticed the grip around your neck had faltered some as you took a desperate and choppy gulp of air. That little flow of oxygen allowed you to think a little more clearly as you kept absorbing the CE. 

You didn’t want to finish healing yourself but you needed to put the energy somewhere. You looked at the curse in front of you. Its face was right in front of your chest. You reached down with your right hand and grabbed the blade of the katana. You began transferring the energy into it. You felt the sword get hot and push back, almost as if it was refusing the new input of CE, but after gripping the steel tighter you felt the sword lose its dullness. 

The rust started to fall away and the metallic sheen of the blade began to glow. The edge of the sword was becoming very sharp. You wanted to let go but found that your hand was bound to it, the transfer requiring more and more CE and blood and pain. You felt the blade cut into your palm and you ground your teeth. You needed to stop. You ripped your hand away from the blade and removed your hand from the curse’s arm. You quickly put your hands into the curse’s mouth and grabbed its teeth and lip. You pulled its upper jaw down hard for it to close its mouth and watched as the newly sharpened sword point pierce through the creature’s palate and skewered out through the top of its head. As the tip of the blade suddenly appeared through its skull, the grip around your neck loosened and the curse dropped flat on the ground, twitching. 

You could only stare in shock at what had just happened. 

Suddenly a rush of the small yellow curses began moving forward to consume the liquids oozing out of the curse. You felt your stomach churn as you watched them lap everything up. You turned away from the sight and looked for the box. You took a staggering step towards the item, still laying in the middle of the room, and let out a yelp. Your entire body felt heavy and tired. You felt sick. You still had an excess of CE and your body couldn’t handle it. You collapsed to your knees as you neared the box. You placed your palms on the floor and tried to expel the energy from your body. The floor beneath you turned black and cracked. You poured it all out and felt slight relief, but still felt sore and achy. You looked back up at the box and reached for it. You took it in your hands and sat back. You took a shaky breath and laughed. That could have been bad. 

You jumped as you heard the door open and quickly turned towards it. You felt a slight pang of relief as you realized it was a pair of sorcerers. That relief turned to anger as you realized it was two students. 

Inumaki and Maki. They stared at you curiously and looked around trying to make sense of what had happened. You looked around too. The place was crawling with little yellow curses, a horde of them concentrated on the still twitching body of the large curse with a katana stuck through his skull. There was a human hand just laying limp to your right and you were sitting in the middle of the room. You bet you were a sight to see. Your suit was torn in various places, soaked in blood from wounds that had healed. 

“Are you okay?” Maki asked. 

“The curse-“ you stopped and put a hand up to your throat. It was burning and speaking felt difficult. Your voice had a heavy rasp to it due to your windpipe almost being crushed. You tried to clear your throat but it sent a sharp pain down it. “The curse has been defeated, I secured the finger.” You finally said fighting against the fire in your throat. You held up the box. “Are you two the only ones here?” 

“Daisuke is outside, he drove us here.” Another manager. 

“Tuna.” 

“We’ll take care of these creatures, Daisuke is waiting with another secure container to put the finger in.” 

You sighed and nodded. “Any casualties?” 

“None, almost everyone was evacuated. Police and firemen have arrived on scene. The veil you placed is very good.” Maki said. 

You slowly got to your feet and tucked the box under your right arm. You had healed your previously flayed left arm but it still felt sore. You put your hand on your left elbow to try to comfort it. “Be careful. He’s down but he’s got razor sharp teeth. Also we need that sword. If you could get it for me that would be great,” you said with a smile. You could tell from their faces that it wasn’t very convincing.

You limped out of the room and collapsed against the wall once you were out. They sent students? If the curse had gotten a hold of the finger the students would have been in serious danger. You would have surely been killed, and they wouldn’t have known what they were walking into. You were going to say something when you got back. You got back to your feet and started heading towards the exit. 

You spotted Daisuke talking with some policemen as you emerged from the veil. He looked at you shocked to see the state you were in and quickly pulled out a wooden box to put the cursed item in. You dropped the box into it and he quickly shut it, muttering some kind of extra enchantment on it. 

You leaned against the car exhausted and still feeling off. “Are you okay?” 

You looked at him and nodded. “Yes,” you hesitated. “But I think I’m going to need you to give me a ride back to the school.” 

The students finished up quickly and you sat in the passenger seat sleeping the whole way back. You felt uneasy still. Your bones creaking and your entire body sore. 

Once inside the school you insisted on taking the box and delivering it to the main office. You wanted to talk to the staff member you had talked with over the phone. 

You swung open the door to his office and stormed up to his desk. You dropped the box onto the infront of him and stared the worker down. “Here it is. One of the legendary Ryomei Sukuna fingers, one of the most powerful relics in the world, previously unwrapped and unbound less than an hour ago.” 

The guy looked at the box and then up at you giving you a criticizing glare. “You seem upset.”

“Why the fuck would you send two students instead of a high ranked sorcerer?”

The guy looked away from you and smirked. “They were the closest available and besides, if you were able to handle it why would I waste someone’s time?” He gave you a snarky smile. 

Your blood boiled. He had a point but you had gotten so lucky. “They could have gotten hurt if the curse had been able to get the finger, you didn’t know the whole situation of what was going on.” 

He shrugged. “It looks like I made the right decision. If you, out of anyone, was able to defeat the curse, there was no real danger. The curse even cauterized the wounds. None of the victims were in grave danger.” 

“What?” 

“Two of the victims were found with missing limbs but not even bleeding out or anything.” He started to act annoyed. “Look I have things to do, I expect your report by tomorrow, let us know your thoughts in the appropriate feedback section. Have a nice day. Get out.” 

You stared at him frustrated before storming out of the room and almost running into someone. “Sorry,” you muttered before looking up. It was Nanami. 

He looked down at you concerned by the state you were in, bloodied and sweaty. “Y/N are you okay?” 

For some reason that was your last straw. His question made your eyes start watering. You rolled your eyes blinking hard to try to stop the tears. “I’m fine.” You said not meeting his gaze. He didn’t move. 

“You should go see Shoko.” He said, his voice now softer. He moved his hand to your face, carefully placing it under your chin to make you look at him. His thumb grazed your cheek. You looked up at him and frowned, tears leaking from your eyes. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. Nothing had been going your way and you were exhausted. You took a step forward towards Nanami and wrapped your arms around him. 

It was stupid, but you desperately needed some kind of comfort. He didn’t move at first but he eventually put his arms around you. You buried your face into his shirt and felt yourself relax for the first time in hours. You felt your eyes close right as your legs gave out beneath you.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

˚₊✩‧₊nana here: okay okay i got a little (a lot) carried away with the fight scene. I just love making Y/N a badass and I promise it makes sense later. Again theres a lot added in thats part of a longer story but idk...if anything i'll cross post here and ao3. Thank yall for reading and as always if you saw a typo, no you didn't.

please click on through to pt. 4 and if you did read this all, I love you.

super duper shout out to @zoldsick for reading and editing my crazy ideas, thank you cath<3

pt. 1 pt. 2. pt. 4 pt 5. pt. 6

˚₊✩‧₊ taglist: @wrldtups @rjreins @phattyboo90 @tnyblacklesbo @silkija @justwantedachange @inthedarkshadows000 @nniiyyaa @starkmila09 @sikuthealien @wifenanami @bloombb @kentos-glasses @inciteterr0r

[feral-ferrule]

Choy and Una’s GAR Goth Night Out, part 2 (part 1)

CW: alcohol consumption and drunkenness, some bodily functions, jealousy and undressing

Word count ≈2970 ( it kinda got away from me)

Main pairings: clone trooper Veetch/OC Choy/tbb Echo (and a lil bit Kix)

@skellymom’s OC Mad/tbb Hunter, @lonewolflupe’s OC General Lupe / ARC trooper Fives @crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf’s OC Tahny/Crosshair

More cameos from across the GGN au including Jedi padawan Eo and Owl Squad

I hope no one minds my fic intrusion into their doings🫣☺️

This also includes an interaction as requested by the lovely @skellymom

Some background setup

The scene opens on the dance floor with this song

Listen on YouTube

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

“Mind if I cut in? *hic.”

Choy’s ears pricked and her heart skipped at the familiar, gravelly voice. Veetch stopped swaying and circled his arms possessively around Choy’s back. He scowled over her shoulder, as a driving beat with a darker edge played out the previous song. Choy turned to peek and caught her breath.

“Meshla,” Echo slurred, “you, you’re ver pretty t’night.” He had filled out more since she last saw him and his physique was accentuated by the mesh shirt stretched over him. He swayed back catching himself and overcompensated forward. Choy spun around out of Veetch’s embrace, caught him and held him up. He reeked of booze and his ports were sticky. He nuzzled her ear, “I missed you.” Choy staggered in her high heels and felt her dress slipping down under his weight.

“Echo,” Choy squeaked, straightening him up and looking into his unfocused golden eyes.

“Hey,” Veetch elbowed in front of Choy, pushing her back, “she’s with me, pal, borg bar’s 200 levels down.”

Choy bristled at the slur.

Echo summoned enough focus to draw himself up. “I’m not your pal, ya wook.”

Choy swooped back in between them, they both grabbed at her waist, she slid them apart with some force use, a hand on each of their chests, “It’s ok Veetch he’s a friend I’ve got this,” she said, feeling his temper settle down as she focused soothing energy toward him. He backed down a little and she rounded on Echo. “How many drinks have you had?”

“What are you doing with him?” Echo leaned around her to scowl at Veetch. “We just, *hic, friends?” he asked with hurt as Choy swam in his vision.

“You left, Echo, there’s no we.” Choy blinked back tears and Echo’s eyes softened as he cast them down. Choy felt a jumble of emotion off him.

“Hey, Echo, don’t run off on me like that, the boys wanted another round.” A cheerful teasing voice said behind them. “Why’d you take off-ohhh.”

“Fives?” Choy’s temper flared, figuring who he must be by his tattoo and exactly who he meant by ‘the boys.’

“Oh heyyyy, you’re Choy, yeah, Echo talks about you all the time. Wow how’d you land one like that, brother?” He flashed her his most charming smile realizing she was mad.

“Did you tap that keg- with Echo??”

“Yeah, they’re down a bartender so we took control of the situation.”

“Control?? You call this control?” She caught Echo again and pushed him up and towards Fives. “His blood volume is half of yours, you could have killed him.”

Fives looked stricken and swallowed, considering what Choy just yelled at him over the music and finally noticing how impaired Echo was. “Help me get him over to the couches,” Choy barked.

“Geeze if I didn’t know better I’d ask if you were related to Kix.” Fives hooked Echo’s arm over his shoulders and Choy supported his other side. She looked around, Veetch was gone. Just as well she figured, didn’t have to deal with all of them at once. They half dragged Echo to the side room which was outfitted with several seating areas, soft lighting and soothing instrumental music. There were couples cuddling in various corners around and a few people just chilling and scrolling on holopads. Choy pointed to a larger couch and Fives guided them over to it. They plopped Echo down and Choy sat next to him. “Honey, let me see you,” she cooed, taking his hand as he laid his head back.

“Uhhhg, ‘s all sssssspinning,” he said weakly, looking ashen with a thin sweat breaking across his brow. Choy clasped his hand in hers, it felt clammy. She felt his pulse, it was rapid and weak. His breathing was shallow and he was starting to shiver.

“Fives go get water and bring Kix back with you,” Choy said while resting her hand on Echo’s forehead.

“Oh yeah sure be right back,” Fives said and dashed away. A silver haired woman in black cargo pants intercepted him just outside the room. Choy recognized her, a Jedi, Plo Koon’s pupil? she tried to remember. A woman with an impressive head of dark hair with an undercut appeared at her side. They spoke together as Fives left and looked in at Choy and Echo.

Choy refocused on Echo, “Hey I’m going to try something and I don’t know if it will feel weird for you.” She squeezed his hand and rubbed circles on it with her thumb. He groaned weakly in response. Choy had no way to actually filter his blood of the alcohol metabolites that were turning his blood into a toxic soup so she figured she’d try to speed up the process of breaking them down. She brought his head to her shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, focusing her mind in on his remaining bioengineered implants. She knew they were capable of producing enzymes to break down toxins like a network of livers throughout his body. She just had to turn that on. As she sent her mind through him with the force she tuned the rest of the world out and didn’t notice Fives come back with water, a large backpack and Kix, trailed by the women Fives spoke to. She felt her way through Echo’s system, willing the remaining implants to ramp up this function. Finally satisfied that she had done all she could, she withdrew her mind and came back to herself.

Echo took some deeper breaths against her, “That tickled.” He sat up and regretted it, the room still spun and he flopped back against the couch.

Choy looked up, noticing Fives and others standing looking at her with a mix of curiousity and astonishment. “How are you glowing?” Fives asked.

“She does that, it’s the force,” said Kix beside him.

“Oh kark it, I’ve been keeping that under control so well,” Choy grumbled looking at her hands. They glowed like a red tide at night except gold and green. She closed her eyes, willing the glow to fade, then held her hand out for the glass of water Fives had. She held Echo’s head up, softly saying, “Echo drink this and keep drinking water, you can rest as soon as you get two glasses down.” She looked up at Kix and narrowed her eyes, “Did this one explain,” she asked, flicking her eyes at the sheepish looking Fives.

“Yeah, all up to speed on the questionable decision making,” he leveled a gaze at Fives. “So how’s the patient?” he asked, dropping to a knee and feeling Echo’s pulse, pressing his eyelids open and opening his mouth in a rough field once-over.

“I activated his internal implants to speed up his metabolism of the alcohol, but he’ll need to drink alot of water if he doesn’t get an infusion. He will need to be kept awake and hydrated and helped to the ‘fresher frequently to flush his system.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Good work, and I have just the man for the job,” Kix said as he stood and clapped Fives on the back. Fives looked back at the women he’d spoken to before and then back at Echo and sighed, slumping his shoulders, “Yeah of course I’ll stay with him, it’s my fault.”

Choy held the glass to Echo’s lips again and helped him drain the rest of the water. She met his eyes, they were better focused now and she felt herself melt a little. “Yaiyai’ika,” he slurred. She looked away quickly, blushing. Fives and Kix glanced at each other, wondering if the other knew why he called her that. The dark haired woman also caught it and gave them a knowing look. She leaned over to a confused Lupe and whispered something to her. Lupe mouthed an ‘oh’ and glanced at Choy an Echo quickly, noting his loopy gaze at her as she regained composure.

Choy cleared her throat, “Fives go ahead and take him back to the ‘fresher now, I’ll get more water from the bar.”

“Come on brother, let’s get you right,” Fives said, hauling Echo up by his forearm and scomp. They staggered towards the refreshers. Choy watched them go with a sigh.

“You ok?” Kix asked, kneeling down, his stern expression gone and his eyes warm and gentle.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Choy said, casting her eyes down at the glass in her hand.

“Oh no, that bad, huh?”

“I just feel-“ she sighed, “it’s complicated.” She swallowed her emotions and took a deep breath. “I’m going to go get more water from the bar, be right back.”

“I’ll go with you, if you don’t mind?” Kix asked, regarding her with concern and helping her up.

“Thank you,” Choy smiled, and hooked her hand around his offered arm. “I do want to stop by the fresher myself. I’ve got Echo port booze on me.” She touched the sticky spots on her dress and Kix made a face.

They left the quieter chill out room and passed the women who had been curiously eyeing the whole ordeal and were back out in the main bar room with some others. Choy nodded to the Jedi who’s name she didn’t know. [[sorry to be mean to Fives, but he had it coming]] she said through the force. The Jedi raised an eyebrow and looked across the room at Fives and Echo as they disappeared into the men’s ‘fresher. Choy smiled at the woman with dark hair who was being pulled onto the dance floor by a woman of a species she’d never seen before. Choy craned her neck to watch them disappear, mesmerized by her gravity-defying head of colorful tendrils.

Kix smirked, “That’s Commander Eo, she’s a Mikkan. These fellas over here are her squad.” He nodded to their other side. Choy looked over in time to see Crosshair throw the woman who was attacking Hunter earlier over his shoulder and stalk off as she fumed at him. She’d been on the table the squad stood around. Choy watched as they reacted to her tantrum over Cross’s shoulder. Then felt a little shimmer off of a couple of them. They seemed to feel her eyes and looked over at her, their force signatures strengthening. Yep force sensitive clones, she mused, well waddayaknow? She smiled and gave them a [[Hey]] before catching some curiously familiar energy off the bald one. She looked away with a blush after noticing just how handsome they were.

They reached the fresher. It had a poster stuck over the gender sign that said “GOULS” with a vampy woman silhouette. Choy handed Kix the water glass and went inside. It had a large lounge and vanity area. It was the cleanest Choy had ever seen and was decorated with large backdrops of gothy styled interiors and swags of cloth and more of those silly paper bats. Choy was surprised to see an attendant droid with a tray of toiletries. “Do you have anything to get sticky booze out of my dress?” Choy asked her.

“Oh yes there is a customized laundry droid for just this reason that the event planners brought in for the evening. Step over here and we will get you sorted out.” She brought Choy over to the back of the lounge where the cylindrical droid with several spindly cantilevered arms was cleaning the flowy floor-length skirt of a woman with a crown of silver and black hair, black tattoos and bra. She looked over at Choy who was watching whatever substance was on her skirt disappear as the droid passed its steamer extractor arm over it. Their eyes met.

“You don’t want to know,” the woman said, shaking her head. “Whoever hired this droid in for the night was a genius. Gotta say they really went all out. How about you? Standard party foul?”

“Not exactly,” Choy said, “some of the 501st tapped a keg with one of their own.” The woman looked confused. “One of the troopers is basically a cyborg and had the right augmentation to be a keg tap apparently.”

The woman looked taken aback then it dawned on her, “Do you mean Echo?”

“Yes exactly, they tapped him in and ran half the keg through his ports before he-“

“They were drinking booze that ran through his, his body??”

“Yeaaaahhhh,” Choy responded, sharing an icky grimace with the woman as the droid announced it was done cleaning her skirt. Choy took her place and the droid gave her dress a quick scan.

“Could you please remove your clothing so that I may do a thorough cleaning?”

Choy sighed and asked the woman if she could help with her zipper in the back.

“That, that doesn’t really surprise me about those boys.” She considered, “So how did you get involved?”

Choy stepped out of her dress and handed it to the droid, catching her reflection in the mirror. She was in her one set of pretty underwear. Her Twilek-made balconette bra and the lacey panties that exposed her belly stretch marks. She ran her fingers along those sadly reminiscing her old life. “Well, long story short he came over to me and was about to collapse from alcohol poisoning so I helped him out and he’s recovering now, but his ports leaked whatever that booze was all over me.”

“Helped him out, how?” the woman asked, eyeing her curiously already suspecting she knew the answer.

Choy smirked and decided to try something. [[My name’s Choy by the way]] she said through the force. The woman’s eyes widened so Choy held out her hand.

[[Mad]] she grasped her hand firmly and looked Choy square in the eye. [[He came to you for force healing?]]

[[Oh no, no he was jealous]] Choy huffed a laugh, and took a deep breath. Mad quirked an eyebrow.

“Ma’am your dress is clean,” the droid beeped.

Choy stepped into and pulled the dress back on. Mad helped her with the zipper again. “Thank you, Mad,” she said and checked her hair in the mirror nearby, fixing her bangs and coaxing the length smoother with the force. Mad adjusted a few things on herself and they left the fresher together, plunking some credits in the attendant droid’s tip jar.

Kix’s face lit up at seeing Choy emerge. Just off to the side Hunter appeared, wearing an outfit everyone either tried not to stare at too much or couldn’t take their eyes off of. Choy gawked. “WOW Hunter, I never thought I’d see you in something like that!

“Choy! Hey, good to see you.” He looked at Kix, “Kix,” they nodded heads to each other and shuffled in place as Kix tried to not stare openly at Hunter. Mad looked between them all curiously.

[[These two have a little awkward history]] Choy told her, then aloud, “Mad, it was so nice to meet you, thank you for your help.”

“Of course” [[and I can see why Echo was jealous]] she added winking.

[[Wellll he was jealous of someone else]] Choy bit her lip and looked aside.

Mad raised an eyebrow and Choy smirked a sad little half smile before walking away with Kix. She wondered what had happened to Veetch. And wasn’t sure how she felt about him after all. She chided herself for letting her heart get carried away.

As they wove their way closer to the bar they noticed some commotion on the dance floor. A crowd had gathered around some dancers. The Mikkan and human ladies were showing off some flirty roadhouse type moves, And, yes, yes that was Una and Tech coordinating something like a lockin and poppin robot robot dance. Their arms undulating in a wave together. They looked so happy. The music changed and so did the dancers. Mad and Hunter swirled and flowed around, her skirt sprouting wings she held high as she belly danced around Hunter. Tup reappeared. Again the music changed and a whole row of rather large commando troopers performed something that reminded Choy of a haka. They were shirtless, which seemed to be inspiring more patrons to shed shirts and more as the room became warmer.

“We need some more water, please,” Kix asked the bartender.

“Oh yeah sure, doc,” said the man in a finely meshed black shirt and pants that were barely hanging onto his hips, “anything else?” he added, looking between them.

Kix looked down at Choy who seemed a little down from her ordeal with his brothers. “This one could definitely use a pick me up. If you catch my drift.”

The bartender looked at Choy who turned to Kix to protest. “I don’t need a drink, it’ll just make me sleepy.”

He gave Kix the slightest hint of a wink. He went down the bar and deftly started mixing up juices in a silver shaker. He opened a drawer with several decanters of various colored liquids and selected a couple gold and hot pink ones and set them on the counter. With a flourish he pulled out a fluted stemmed glass, poured the contents of the shaker in and a few drops each of the pink and yellow elixirs. Gave it a stir, popped in a straw and added some kind of exotic looking flower. He brought it over setting it on a little cocktail napkin in front of Choy. “On the house.”

“You're stealing my thunder, man,” Kix joked, passing him a couple credits.

Choy sat on a barstool and eyed the drink which was a brilliant orange and sparkled and swirled with iridescence as she stirred the straw. “What did you put in this?” Choy asked.

“You’ll like it, trust me,” was all he said and went down the bar to help another couple.

“I’m going to take this back to Echo and make sure Fives is following orders,” Kix said, indicating the glass of water.

Choy was taking a tentative sip on her drink. It tasted like sunshine and fresh flowers.

“Good, right?” the bartender was back and startled Choy a bit. She swiveled to face him.

“Yeah, I already feel better, thank you for whatever this is.”

He nodded and disappeared again. She slid off the stool to go with Kix who picked her up by her waist and set her back on it. Her skirts fluffed up in front of her and around Kix’s arms. He kept his hands on her waist as he leaned in, “I’ve got this, meshla,” he murmured in her ear, “I know it’s hard for you. Besides,” he squeezed her a little and kissed her temple while looking behind her, “I think someone wants to talk to you.”

🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇

So, who do you think wants to talk to Choy? Who’d you like it to be?

A stolen tag list is being stolen @ghostymarni @lonewolflupe @wings-and-beskargam @eclec-tech @eobe @foxwithadarkside @fiveminutetrash @crosshairs-dumb-pimp-gf @feral-ferrule @ladylucksrogue @nika6q @skellymom @vimse @gargothnightzine @sunshinesdaydream @noblelightfighter @returnofthepineapple @freesia-writes @covert1ntrovert @vikushat @nocturius8015ficore @mamuzzy @risavulpes @niobiumao3 @sazzujazzu @blackseafoam @thora-sniper @gars-weaponeer @leenathegreengirl @vodika-vibes @headphones-ct-09978 @thecoffeelorian @bad4amficideas

[canonicallyanxious]

Rules: List 15 bands/artists and name just (1) song of theirs that you love.

Thanks for the tag @thisfeebleheart! Full disclosure i went completely fucking extra about this, as far as i know you just have to do a list but of course i had to make a playlist [with the exception of my pick for sufjan stevens, which is not available on spotify]

Listed in alphabetical order of artist:

Bruises - Angel Haze

BLEACH - BROCKHAMPTON

Tokyo Drifting (ft. Denzel Curry) - Glass Animals

I Like That - Janelle Monae

Posing for Cars - Japanese Breakfast

Kody Blu 31 - JID

i - Kendrick Lamar

Selfish (ft. Cleo Sol) - Little Simz

I'm Your Man - Mitski

IPlayYouListen - ODESZA

Majesty Snowbird - Sufjan Stevens

Harvest Love - Tash Sultana

Fried for the Night (ft. EARTHGANG) - TOKiMONSTA

This Is The Life - Two Door Cinema Club

Bros - Wolf Alice

Tagging: @parkshuppy @boxesfullofthoughts @ljuerlav @metronn @pronouncingitwang @tristealven @mumruffin and whoever else wants to torture themselves

Process + ramblings under the cut - told you i went full extra about it [also Remy told me to include it so there you go lol]

This is a pretty open-ended prompt but i decided to approach it as straightforwardly as possible - 15 of my favorite artists, and as close as i could come to a favorite song pick for each. This process actually took me several days lol i had to use a spreadsheet to organize my thoughts and everything [didn't really do anything special with it though as far as formulas or whatever, i basically just used it as a way to easily visualize my working list]

[fun fact: my original artist long list actually wasn't too long, i got up to 21 before i started making cuts - will say i probably could have added more but at that point i had already spent 30 mins on this and i was like okay i have got to nip it in the bud so i can get to the actual songs skdjfnsd]

You'll see in my above screenshot I had narrowed it down to about 2-4 for my last handful of artists but i did have to narrow it down from a longlist for most of those last few, which i did by tossing them all into my queue and skimming through each song:

Then i gave it a day so i could come back to it with fresh ears, and the next evening I sat down to fully listen through my shortlists and come to a decision for each artist [Sufjan took me the longest, surprise surprise]

i did kind of consider full list composition when making my choices - not, like, too much, like my favorites are my favorites, but if i was having trouble deciding between songs for an artist and i needed a tie breaker one of the factors i took into account was if there was already a song on my list that hit a similar mood/niche; also i did want to make sure i had a decent spread of my fave genres represented [so basically a mix of indie rock/pop, hip hop, edm, contemp rnb, and sadboi tunes]. Personal memories/significance also a factor for tiebreakers. otherwise i guess my main criteria was Vibes

obviously the thing about this exercise is if i had done this at a different time i probably could have ended up with a completely different list but i think that's the fun of it, capturing your mood at a specific point in time. happy with where i landed!

A few more notes on some of the picks [i was really considering doing a breakdown of every song but that's too much even for me skdjfskdfs]

Tokyo Drifting by Glass Animals - this is one of the tiebreakers I decided on to balance out my list of sadboi tunes. i think it is an immaculate banger from start to finish - incredible sampling, INCREDIBLE feature from Denzel [this song is actually what put me on Denzel, also an artist i really like in his own right], incredible hooks [WAVEY DAVEY I'M ON FIRE!], incredible attitude and production, just everything about it is perfect. When I saw Glass Animals live in 2021 the bass drop they did when performing this song shook every molecule in my body from head to toe and i've never been the same since

Kody Blu 31 by JID - back in 2022 when I was making my top 2022 albums/songs lists, I had actually originally gone with Dance Now off of Forever Story because I was limiting myself to one song per artist and Kody Blu 31 was the painful cut I decided to make from that top 10 list. this was at least part of the reason why i went with Kody Blu 31 this time LOL also Dance Now is a complete banger, Kody Blu 31 is what you listen to when you want to feel sad about past hardships and losses but ultimately hopeful about the state of the world - the kind of song that inspires you to persevere - which is, you know, a vibe i could really use right now [fwiw i do stand by Forever Story as one of the best albums of 2022 and honestly one of the best albums of the decade so far; now that I've had more time with it, it's an easy 10/10 from me]

i by Kendrick Lamar - i am a little ashamed to admit that i only just listened to To Pimp a Butterfly in full recently [like within the last month; was only familiar with the singles before] but you know what better late than never. easily one of the most perfect albums I've ever listened to. honestly there are so many kendrick songs that could go on this list - it's not my fault that man puts out nothing but bangers! he really has the range! - but i keep coming back to this one because of the tone of painfully hard-earned celebration in the first half - the anthemic "I love myself" vocals! the virtuosic rhymes! the infectious melody lines in the production! it's bursting with confidence and joy in a way that doesn't feel cheap or cheesy - juxtaposed with the monologue that comes in after the music cuts out [the background crowd vocals slowly fading out... Kendrick's delivery so raw and powerful you hang onto every word... i never skip over it when listening to this song, i can't]. So impactful, so relevant even today, SO well done in that switch up - again it's the kind of song i need these days

Majesty Snowbird by Sufjan Stevens - I actually considered cutting this from contention because technically it's not an official song - i have only ever listened to it via bootleg concert recording uploaded along with a truly goofy picture of him by some rando on youtube - but after listening to it in its entirety twice [it's a ten minute song, just ftr] i decided it had to count. i almost hope it never gets an official recording, like there is something inimitable about this live recording that IS the song to me - the random "WOO" at the very start [juxtaposed with how completely quiet the audience stays through the song up until the end when they erupt into applause; you get the sense every single person there was holding their breath], the scratchiness of the electric guitar, the goosebumps you can only get from listening to a live orchestra - not even to mention the power of sharing music for the sheer love of it, whether that be participating in the communal experience of listening to this song live along with hundreds of other people in the same space as you or passing on the bootleg recording so strangers on the internet can listen to it too. and it's an incredible fucking song on top of all that. Chicago and Futile Devices were probably the most difficult cuts I had to make from my top 15 list but i don't have any regrets for cutting them for this.

This Is The Life by Two Door Cinema Club - my irl best friend and i consider this the theme song of our friendship. we've been friends since freshman year of high school, have listened to and loved the album this song comes from since almost that long, have danced and cried and screamed to this particular song so many times. it represents so many memories and times of my life. it's been with me for a long time. this honestly was the easiest choice of the whole list for me

[karizard-ao3]

If it's not too much trouble, can I ask you about the college au? If we go back to their first episodes together, we'll see that Shinji and Asuka's relationship was a lot more uplifting and went in an upwards spiral until their kiss. It's not for nothing that Both of You, Dance Like You Want to Win is considered the happiest series ever got, and you can clearly see what they liked about each other 

To Shinji, Asuka is this high spirited girl full of drive and determination, something he believes he lacks. She's difficult but assertive. She's full of zest. Yeah she's hot, she can be flirty, and he's a teenage boy, it’s canon that he had his moments in private, but he admires her intensity and spirit, to the point of going to extreme lengths for her 

To Asuka, Shinji is one of the few, very few people in her whole life that held sincere care for her. He went after her when Misato threatened to pair Shinji with Rei. They had initial friction, but then he accepted her into their home and began cooking for her every day and spending time together. Those days with Misato and Shinji could be the closest Asuka ever had of a normal family life. By Magmadiver they were on friendly terms in the pool. She has feelings for him, not because he's yet another guy drooling for her, but because Shinji “my love language is acts of service” Ikari jumped down on a volcano without protective armor to rescue her. It probably meant the world to her 

What I'm trying to say is, it wasn't always so bleak. In the beginning it was quite hopeful. How does this translate to the college au?

You know, that is a great question that I hadn't really thought about in relation to the college au.

To me, the friction in the college au comes from two sources: 1. Asuka believes dating Shinji would not fit her sorority girl image and says so. 2. Shinji's people-pleasing keeps him from pursuing or even always realizing what/who he wants.

Asuka starts to realize she doesn't care if he fits her image and makes little overtures that he does not pick up on because of his low self esteem and shyness.

Asuka's insecurity makes her harsh. She pushes Shinji away so he'll have to prove he cares by coming back to her, but he stays back because that's what he believes she wants. It's an ugly cycle that could probably culminate with a confrontation similar to the EoE table scene, where she accuses him of using her for sex, he tries to tell her he cares about her, but she turns him down because she doesn't believe him.

They don't speak again after that and he grieves. She's his other half. He needs her. Maybe, until now, he's just played other people's music but after they start hooking up he starts writing his own songs, because she's unlocked something in him. She's his muse and he's her safe harbor.

I think I mentioned he drops out?

During their time apart, Shinji thinks about the things she said during their fight, which gets him thinking about what it is he wants from him life. What makes him happy? Who is he in his own mind's eye?

And then eventually he's able to figure it out and go to her and tell her who he is and ask if she still wants him

[jenyifer]

Ranking of BostonNick Dates(?)

So I’m gonna include anything not at Boston’s house or Nick’s house as a deliberate choice to go somewhere together. Ranking is based on how good mushy feels we get from the date so subjective. Best to worst.

1. Pool date so epically romantic Mew copies it next episode. Boston tells Nick he kind of wants to stop sleeping around and stick to Nick for a bit. Boston also before they get in the pool compliments Nick and! When Mew and Top interrupt them Boston doesn’t try to hide what they were doing. Terribly cute. Was so much fun and romantic that Nick had to go listen to the BostonTop audio while Boston took a shower and talked to Mew about losing his virginity. We know this from the end credit scene. So 10/10 made Nick feel super delulu cause Boston was so loving.

2. Lake date. Would be number 1 because I adore the song Side 2 Side lyrics are “I’m hooked on all your flaws” Boston is basically thanking Nick with this lake date for not abandoning him after what happened at Sand’s bday party. It can’t be number 1 because stupid Gap interrupts and brings reality crashing back down on our couple

3. Revenge on Atom at the bar. Well Nick won’t consider this a date but the previous entrants Boston would never admit to them being dates so it counts. I love them teaming up to get Atom to confess. I don’t have this higher because Nick’s emotions towards Boston while loving don’t give me the fuzzies. He’s trying to keep control. Nick doesn’t want to fuck up his heart again.

4. Mew’s birthday. Not romantic in fact horrifying however. Boston does go home with Nick afterwards and while they don’t cuddle Boston is there with Nick. He’s comforted by him so a plus.

5. Hostel Party number 1. Well. Nick got invited to the party and was seen with Boston there. Boston even said Nick could call their relationship whatever when Nick looked upset at having to call it frienship But….. Nick watched and listened to BostonTop. 10000000000 mental damage points taken.

I’m hoping to get the skating date on the top of this list next week.

[malinaa]

TOP 9 BOOKS

tagged : @hmsharmony ty jennifer this was SOOO hard oh my god like. genuinely agonized me for days to think about what to choose but it was SOOO fun tho <3 tagging : @rosesau | @evcndiaz | @pendrgcn | @gayarthur | @the-tenth-arcanum | @oretsev | @wherepoetsdie | @bellamyblakru | @ryekat & anyone else who wants to do it !!! rules : list your top 9 books obviously. i cheated a little and put series as as one option because that's just who i am as a person. most of these i chose at random from my 5 star reads from the past few years btw

1. percy jackson and the olympians (series) by rick riordan

i was never a big reader in elementary school—or at least not to the extent that my classmates had been. my sixth grade english class required us to bring a personal book from home for silent reading and i stole my brother's spine-cracked copies of pjo and brought them to class. i finished the whole series in less than a school week (i had to scramble to the library to pick up another series because the single novel should have lasted me at least three weeks). pjo literally kickstarted my love for reading as a hobby and i truly don't know how to state the importance it had on my little ten-year-old brain fr

2. on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong

i have never read a book more beautiful in prose and so uncommonly human than this. there's just something so incredibly heartbreaking knowing this whole book is the narrator's letter to his mother who can't read! like what the fuck

3. alone with you in the ether by olivie blake

this came as a surprise to Me when i first read it. i meandered through the first quarter, loving the writing style but feeling disconnected from the characters until the Church Hand Scene™ and it was hook, line, and sinker at that point (i have since come to love the disconnectedness in subsequent rereads, knowing that the feeling was the Point). i have read this book four (4) times since i read it first last year. LAST YEAR!!! olivie has like... fundamentally altered my brain chemistry or something because i feel like everything i have written since having read this book has been somewhat influenced by it.

4. much ado about nothing by william shakespeare

what can i say! this is theeeeeee romcom ever. i have watched so many adaptations of this play, read it countless of times and can recite some iconic lines, and still the banter between benedick and beatrice is sooo elite. cannot be topped!!

5. a place for us by fatima farheen mirza

fun fact: seed rec'd this book to me and has been reccing it to anybody who would listen. the prose is so lush and melancholic. it's one of those books where nothing Really happens, but you feel Every Emotion Under The Sun and you're just like. altered by reading it

6. the song of achilles by madeline miller

obviously.... OBVIOUSLYYYYYYY this had to go here. if i had two nickels for every greek myth retelling i read during school that fundamentally changed me etc etc u get it. i read this as a junior in high school when we, yet again, had to bring a personal book to read durin class. i think at that point of my life, i've never read something that tragic yet so beautiful at the same time and now i am always looking at the beautiful and tragic in media. so! there u go! brain cells rewired and whatnot!

7. the grisha trilogy by leigh bardugo

this is funny because i . technically did not rate any of these books 5 stars i'm sobbing. but like, considering the fact that my url is what it is and the way i always have them in the back of my mind, it's no wonder that i put them here. i have such an odd attachment to these books and these characters. i had copies of these books since their release but didn't touch them until ... before the sab tv release which is so fucking funny. like i don't know what i would be like if i read this as a t(w)een. i would've been so fucking insufferable ngl

8. when my brother was an aztec by natalie diaz

i actually read this for an assignment and had to write a report on it and i had SO much fun doing it. diaz plays a lot with hunger and her imagery is literally unmatched. i think about the way she contructs sentences and am filled with such envy. my beginning sentence for my paper was a nod to her style (though i failed miserably). it was: "in a paradoxical sleight of hand, hunger feeds in natalie diaz's debut." she is just. so fucking good at words i need to CHOMP on it

9. sharp objects by gillian flynn

you know the thing where you see a really popular author for a really long time and they have their work adapted to the screen and it's so good but you still haven't read their actual writing? yeah, that was me with gillian flynn (specifically about gone girl). i read gone girl, i read sharp objects, i read her short story the grownup, i'm currently reading the last novel of hers that i haven't read, dark places, and flynn is just so... incredibly good at constructing harrowing stories. it's no wonder why all three of her novels got adapted to the screen! her prose is so grounded. vivid. there's this ease to her writing that, whenever i concurrently read another novel, i always find the other piece to be lacking. i slink back to flynn's prose and immerse myself in her awful, human worlds.

[waterparksdrama]

ok track by track review of Intellectual Property. GO!

as you wish anon. be warned this is literally like one of maybe 4 times i've listened to this album in full again

st*rfucker - a bit too saccharine on first listen but it has better replay value as time goes on. the beginning of the shoehorned jesus lyrics and the continuation of limo imagery to represent fame which is actually fitting admittedly bc just like a limo that is supposed to represent glamour and celebrity living, they are just as widespread and accessible as him and aren't really that glamorous at all. also this is me saying again wow he complains a lot about fame for someone who isn't really that famous. i still hate the cutoff at the end bc. cmon man. 7/10

real super dark - ok i did like the gilbert gottfried inspired melody i think that's fun actually. the song lyrics? uhhhhhh. just more complaining. if you have listened to any of the albums since fandom you are not missing much there other than the otto serial killer jokes he has inserted here? which is a choice i guess. instrumental is great tho. i feel incredibly stupid listening to a lot of the other parts of the song tho. 7/10

funeral grey - god i can't bear listening to this one on my own i'm sorry. live it's fine, but the studio recording i would rather kill myself than listen to again. IT'S SO ANNOYING. the terrible overenunciated vocals. awsten's attempt at humor by writing these wattpad fic lyrics that make me cringe to my core because i know there's a part of him being genuine. the one direction ripoff hook because he managed to get one of 1d's actual songwriters to help write the track. the only saving grace is the ending but at that point it's too late for any redemption. 2/10

brainwashed - ironically this was written with the 1d guy again and. i'm actually fine with this one LOL. it's simple and lowkey so it's considerably less annoying than funeral grey. considering awsten said the lyrics on this album were hypersexual, but it's 2023 so this is fairly tame, it just makes me wonder how much he has repressed in his psyche. 6/10

2 best friends - ok now we're back to simple annoying. if you tune out the lyrics enough, it sounds like disney channel filler music. but it's actually about ~~sExxxx~~ hahahahaha everything about this album so far is like reading fanfics clearly written by middle schoolers. awsten's sad about his situationship so he goes out with his 2 best friends to forget but it doesn't work :( but he could just fuck his friends bc it wouldn't hurt to try at this point. hey what if this was what the song was actually about that because in travis' insane songfic he made jawn and awsten hook up during this chapter #neverforget #riptravisficeventhoughmebitchingontumblrmadehimkillit 4/10

end of the water (feel) - hearing awsten try to hit those high notes reminded me of people saying brendon straining on his high notes on the last panic tour was like hearing a dog that needed to be shot out back for its own good. this is very obviously a charlie puth ripoff to the t because not only does he hit high notes that no man should ever reach, but i'm pretty sure the verse instrumentals rip off "light switch" by charlie. anyways more of "ughhhhh i'm not getting a text backkkkkk" that makes me want to throw awsten's phone into the pacific. i still don't know why kurtis conner is here and how this is supposed to relate to any of this at all. also actually now that i'm crossing checking the genius pages for these, the descriptions for these songs make them sound much better than they actually are lol. 3/10

self-sabotage - this one is mid on it's own but funny because i remember the amount of twitter discourse this song has spawned. "awsten's being toxic and misogynistic" did we not listen to some of the songs off fandom "awsten has bpd" what if he just sucks sometimes. the memories of this are more memorable than the song itself. 5/10

ritual - remember when i found out the soundbyte at the beginning was from an aids psa. good times. fine song other than the shoehorned soundbyte. the entire song is just a repetition of the verses and chorus like a ~~ritual~~ spooky! i like the flair vincente void adds with his screams i feel like this feature makes more sense because it's a song about protecting yourself from the doctrines of religion that harmed you when you were growing up and apparently vincente has known awsten since he was 13???? only thing i hate is the corpse ripoff ending so much so that i have a personal version where i edited that out. 8/10

fuck about it - BORINGGGGGG OH MY GODD. if you've heard one blackbear feature, congrats you've heard them all because they all sound the same and blackbear adds no energy whatsoever. he made a bayside instrumental sound boring you really can't underestimate him. anyways back to the song itself; the situationship has dissolved into pure sex and disinterest and annoyance outside of that and with the way awsten sounds like he plans having hate sex, i don't think he's ever had hate sex before. there's the ending synth i think is fun and that's the only reason this gets a point at all. 1/10

closer - it's a sweet song but um. haven't we heard this in a way before? *cough cough 21 questions* i think this is the closest (lol) parx comes to at a return to pre-fandom form, but when i listen to the chords too much i'm just like "did he lowkey rip off that one smashing pumpkins song". anyways it's just about needing to be closer to someone or ending the relationship completely. simple but effective but not nearly as effective as 21 questions for me sorry. 7/10

a night out on earth - ok i had physical tickets to the last tour bc i won them on idobi so i was like "THIS SONG BETTER BE AT LEAST DECENT BC I STILL HANG UP THE TICKET WITH THIS NAME" and it was at the least. it's like. a good waterparks song, but i feel like i've heard it already? my mind goes back to see you in the future but for these i can't tell who's ripping off who more lol. yeah i feel like other than some interesting production here and there it's a rehash of shit we already heard before. shoehorned religious lyric. fake ass band guys. "i turn my agony into songs and people only like when i'm hurt". "i've been dead since 2016" (part two). "i'm evil now. idgaf. wat ever."

and then i think the part that makes me go awwww but also confuses me is the im a natural blue radio interview snippet? like why does this all tie in together now. geoff's not even here bro how is this the only release where otto's the only one namedropped when awsten hasn't even named dropped him until last album. 80% the album is about some random relationship how is this supposed to tie into all of these.

idk i feel like i've just had this on my mind when when of my mutuals made their own analysis on awsten's mindsets towards life and said how he uses fear as motivation but his perfectionism keeps him from using failure as an editor and how this song was the peak example of this; the rehash of the same ideas over and over because despite his stubbornness, despite "ultimately -not- giving in to the perception that you’re worth ‘Demonizing'", he never confronts the problem for real, just compartmentalizes the problem away and doesn't truly overcome the root of his problems. that's what i feel like manifests in this album for me to be put off by it at its core. nothing ever changes, he just finds a new situation to complain at. maybe that's also why his fans never change even as new ones come though. maybe that's why we also stay stagnant in this with him.

again i get it, he's a public figure; if he did dive too deep into this and didn't choose to generalize the lyrics for his own sake, he would probably end up incriminating himself way too much and have a hard time performing some of these songs. but i can't help but wonder. if he's truly getting over a mental obstacle like that, or keeps himself so set on the future that he ignores the problems he never solved. like he always does. like he always seems to be doomed to. anyways, 7/10 song.

all in all, it's an album that tries to reach a concept of coming to terms with your sexuality and religious trauma all entwined in fame but in reality it's mostly just about a sucky situationship and awsten complaining again while putting in random religious references sometimes and the beginning and ending are about fame. my hot takes are: tennis imagery = gay sex, there's not enough of a distinction between "soulsucker" and awsten to make "album lore" when the overarching concept of parx's discography is "awsten's life sucks", and darth vader is luke's father. - iz

[fishy-styx]

Analysing the lyrics of 'Notion' by The Rare Occasions (and telling you why it's really fucking good)

So, I was listening to my therapy playlist (as one does) and, when this song came on, I had a Sudden Urge to write a sort-of-not-really essay about it (as one does). So, why not, right? (I'll also talk about why I personally love it so much, at the end. You can scroll down to the big, coloured text if that's what you want to read instead.)

While 'Notion' does have an Atheistic message (of how there is no afterlife, and that it's just a comforting lie), it's also about not letting life pass you by; you only get one chance, and you should make the most of it.

!! Also, before we start I'd like to say that I'm considering the first four lines as verse 1, the next four lines as verse 2, the instrumental as the instrumental, the next four lines as verse 3, the seven after that as the bridge, and the last four as the verse 4/the outro.

!!! Also, also, I'm coming at this from a mostly Christian perspective, since that's what I believe the song is mainly referring to, and because I'm an ex-Christian myself (now Agnostic) and thus understand that specific religion the most.

To start, Verse 1 gives us the hook and establishes the thesis of the song, right off the bat.

Sure it's a calming notion, perpetual in motion But I don't need the comfort of any lies

The main message is that while an afterlife and living on in perpetuity may be a comforting idea, it's not real, and the singer doesn't want or need it. Then it explains what the singer meant in the last couple of lines.

For I have seen the ending and there is no ascending Rise

I interpret this to mean that the singer knows or strongly believes that there is nothing after death.

The first two lines of verse 2 lines help give us some context about the singer and their past.

Oh, back when I was younger, was told by other youngsters That my end will be torture beneath the earth

When the singer was younger, they were told by their peers that they would spend their afterlife in Hell. I take this line to be showing that the singer was raised Christian, but didn't believe in it and now finds the overall philosophy harmful. These next lines elaborate on why their peers thought they'd go to Hell.

'Cause I don't see what they see, when death is staring at me I see a window, a limit, to live it, or not at all

The singer doesn't believe that there is an afterlife. Instead of seeing death as a new opportunity, the singer sees it as a time limit. They see it as something to encourage you to live the best life you can, while you can.

Then there's the instrumental break, which doesn't have lyrics (obviously), but I'd like to mention it since it's actually my favourite part of the song.

Verse 3 starts off with a question to get the listeners thinking. It asks:

If you could pull the lever to carry on forever Would your life even matter anymore?

To rephrase: "If you had the chance to live a perfect afterlife in Heaven, what's the point of your current, mortal life?" This is the singer arguing for why they find this philosophy harmful. If the afterlife is real, then your current life becomes pointless aside from staying true to God and not straying from his path. The singer thinks life should have meaning, and this sort of thinking invalidates that. The second half of verse 3 reiterates the hook and thesis.

Sure it's a calming notion, perpetual in motion But it's not what you signed up for

While it's comforting to think that death isn't the end, the singer says that the listener didn't sign up for living forever, and implies that the listener might not know what it entails. They're saying you didn't sign up for following all these rules about following God's will or even having an afterlife.

The bridge begins by telling us that the singer knows that life won't always be great, but it's not all bad, either.

I know there won't always be sunshine But there's this momentary beam of light

These lines use the metaphor of sunlight to talk about the good in life. It's saying that life will not always be good, but that there are bright spots, so to speak. There are moments of happiness and success; it's not always gloom and suffering– the weather changes. The next part of the bridge is quite direct about its messaging.

You don't have to wait the salty decades To get through the gate, it's all in front of your face

It's telling you that you don't have to wait for your life to end to get to heaven; your life is in the present, and you should be living it instead of treating it like a chore to be rewarded for with eternal paradise. The last bit of the bridge just reiterates the first two lines of the bridge.

I'm sure there won't always be sunshine I'm sure there won't always be sunshine But there's this momentary beam of light

Finally, the outro/verse 4 starts by speaking in hypotheticals.

I could cross the ocean in a fit of devotion (I'm sure there won't always be sunshine) For every shining second, this fragile body beckons (I'm sure there won't always be sunshine)

By saying this, the singer is telling us that they could spend their whole life with their "fragile body" and limited time devoting themselves fully to God and aiming for the afterlife, but as they've established before, they believe that this is pointless. Underneath this whole outro, the refrain of "I'm sure there won't always be sunshine" is being repeated, once more reinforcing the message that life is never all bad. The next part directly calls out and people who look down on others because they follow God.

You think you're owed it better, believing ancient letters

In this the singer is admonishing people who think they're better, and that they deserve a good afterlife, just for believing in old texts that tell you to believe in a god. And the song ends with the thesis:

Sure, it's a calming notion, but it's a lie

To sum things up, the song message is this: "There is no point in waiting for the afterlife that will never come; live in the present, and don't waste your precious years." It's a profound message that is comforting in it's own right, even while it tells you that there is nothing after death.

Now I get to ramble about why I love this song. If you just came here for the analysis, you can leave now, but please do tell me what you thought about it (it gives me serotonin).

This section is going to be much less essay-y so if you came for mildly unhinged ramblings, this is for you.

So, Notion, where to start? Now that I don't have a structure to follow, it's kinda hard to figure that out.

Well, the instrumentation is great. I'm such a sucker for rock, and the bass is absolutely amazing. The acoustic version is also great, and um, that's about it. I've already spent two and a half hours (straight) on the analysis, so I'm not going to go in-depth on the music. You can just listen to it if you haven't already and hear what it sounds like and say, "wow! Fish is totally right, the bass is really nice, also fish is such an amazing and cool person for writing this essay that I really wanted to read." (okay, maybe not that last bit, but I hope you agree that it's a banger song)

The lyrics are really cool and good and (gimme a sec to find a synonym...) superb. They really hit me in the soul and I can relate to them as an ex-Christian and as someone who has (and still is) struggling to find meaning and purpose in life. You'd think the idea that there is no afterlife would make me even more depressed, but it's honestly kind of motivating. I wish I could write another essay on how I feel about this as an ex-Christian, but again, I hyperfixated on this for two and a half HOURS; my eyes are dry from staring at my screen, my hands are starting to cramp, and my back hurts from slouching. I think I'll spare myself this time.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[thelovelymissck]

Idk if this topic is done but one thing that makes me think Joseph actually cheated on Doja is because in that song she put on her insta live after the warfare premiere, one of the lyrics talked about deleting Raya for this person. Could it have been about her ex? Possibly but idk when she first got on the app. Nowadays when you delete a whole dating app when you’re seeing someone that means you’re considering the relationship as a bit more serious. Even though Joseph hadn’t been seen on Raya the first few months when they were spotted, there was someone on Twitter who claimed they had friends in London who used to see him flirt and openly make out with other women at bars and would text each other about it, while he was still publicly perceived to be with Doja. Him now getting back on Raya confirmed to me at least that Joseph openly didn’t give a shit how she felt and wanted to play the field again without ever contacting her about their relationship and what happens moving forward. Also, the fact that it was like 1-2 weeks after they attended the warfare premiere together😭✋. So yea, I think that’s why he’s a cheater and it’s honestly not all that surprising. He looks like a cheater and while I don’t usually like preconceived notions about strangers, I feel like we know a bit about him already(not everything obviously)in this part of the internet. We’ve had random people who live in London, past hook ups, and fans to attest to his character and what he’s like most of the time. Him being a messy bitch who, at this point in his life, can’t even get relationships right and will step out on a person tells me all I need to know about him. And please don’t mistaken this as me having pity for Doja because I don’t. She’s done a mountain of shit and has a lot of issues. It seems Joseph does as well.

From anon

[joshuahyslop]

BOOKS

The last ten books I've read: 1. Sifting Through the Madness for the Word, the Line, the Way - Charles Bukowski At this point, what do you want from me? If you've read any of the last, I don't know, ten lists I've posted? You'll know that I just really love his poetry. I'm on a bit of a mission to read it all. More good stuff here. More to come soon.

2. Angels - Denis Johnson Whenever I'm in Vancouver I stop by Pulp Fiction on Main. I honestly think it's one of the best used bookstores in Canada. On previous trips they'd recommended Don Carpenter's Hard Rain Falling and Leonard Gardner's Fat City. Both are excellent books. I asked them for a bit more of the same and this was one of their recommendations. It fit the bill. I'd read Jesus' Son by Johnson so I was prepared. Solid.

3. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love - bell hooks This book gave me so much to unpack and to think about. I'd been meaning to read some of bell hooks' work for a while but this was my first time picking up one of her books. It's beautiful, it's thought provoking and it's important. I think every young man and young woman should read it. Then, probably, they should read it again. It's got a lot to give.

4. Create Dangerously: The Power and Responsibility of the Artist - Albert Camus This one barely counts as a book. It's a short essay but I really like Camus and I was excited to find something of his I hadn't read yet. Also, I think my daughter was 3 or 4 months old when I read this. I wasn't exactly in the headspace to be picking up any giant "heady" philosophy books. Or maybe that's precisely the time to do so? I guess I'll never know.

5. From Under the Truck - Josh Brolin For a long time now I've thoroughly enjoyed Josh Brolin's captions on his instagram posts. He really has a way with words. I got into him after I saw No Country For Old Men and then heard him on a podcast and was just very impressed with how down to earth and intelligent he seemed. I tend to have more time to listen to someone who's been to the very edge and somehow managed to pull it back. He's been sober for a long time (something I'm seriously considering trying) and just has a cool outlook on things. I enjoyed this book, but not as much as I was expecting to. It jumps around a lot and, as a casual fan, not someone extremely familiar with his life story, I found that hard to follow.

6. On Songwriting: Practical Tips and Insights From a Decade in Music City - Aaron Espe This one was special. The very first time I flew to Nashville for a writing trip I was lucky enough to work with Michael Logen (we wrote "Let It Go" together) and Aaron Espe, with whom I wrote my songs "Falling" and "Gentle Heart" and sown the seeds for several other songs yet to be finished. Aaron is a kind and gentle soul with a lovely family and it was an absolute joy to read his book about songwriting, plus, it's actually VERY good. If you're new at it or an old pro, get this book and give it a read. I underlined a lot.

7. Monkey Beach - Eden Robinson My friend Brie lent me this book while I was heading out on this last tour. I almost never read on the road. Between the shows, the driving, the sound checks, the time changes, there's almost never enough spare time. Somehow it worked out for me on this run and I read this lovely, but incredibly sad book. I don't want to give anything away. I knew nothing about it when I picked it up and I think that's kind of the perfect way to go into this one.

8. On Tyranny - Timothy Snyder I bought this for (unfortunately) obvious reasons. It's a good motivator and a good frame of reference. I'm also buying copies of 1984 when I see cheap second hand copies. Like I always say, "Load up before they're banned!".

9. But What If We're Wrong? - Chuck Klosterman I'd never read any of Klosterman's stuff but I really enjoyed this. It's somewhere between David Foster Wallace and Malcolm Gladwell. If you're an over-thinker like me, you'll probably enjoy this too.

10. Promises of Gold - José Olivarez Four tours ago I stopped by one of my favourite books stores in the world: Powell's in Portland, OR. This book of poetry was new at the time and I picked it up but, for some reason or other, put it back down. Two tours ago, I returned to Powell's and found a used copy on sale so I picked it up and brought it home. It's poetry from and probably for a community I'm not super familiar with. But that's good. Writing opens doors. Getting to glimpse a word I've never seen before made reading this one totally worth it, even if it didn't resonate with my own life story. It's good.

more soon, -joshua

[cr4shc0urse]

INTRODUCTION

hiii again, this is my (duha) second muse bae sunhee ('96, she/they), guitarist of last light & family disappointment. like i mentioned in my other intro, you can like this post if you're interested in plotting a thread with her (feel free to choose between her or taejun hehe)! i'm down to pre-plot something established or go off of chem. sunhee in particular is more open ended since she wasn't present on set as much, but she definitely gets around, so there's a decent chance they've already into each other off set or will see her around now (threat).

fun fact: she did, in fact, rent out her own studio to get drunk & high in while she was supposed to be helping her bandmates get the album together for the movie. this comes during her tailspin after her father's unexpected passing, which happened to break news around the same time their band is signed for the soundtrack, so her fallout with that collided spectacularly with their film involvement.

TOP 3 SONGS CREDITED TO BAE SUNHEE

"late bloom" - performed by last light, lyrics credited under sunhee's name. the lyrics allude to a narrator who has taken too long to realize their feelings for a girl, likening the realization to a flower's late bloom.

"friends in high places" - performed by last light, lyrics credited under sunhee's name. the lyrics play on the notion of having "friends in high places," though instead of it referring to having friends with social/political power, it refers to friends who are better-adjusted and in "higher" places in life.

"so anyway" - released as an unofficial recording on her personal twitter account in september 2024. a slow, dissonant rock, considered a departure from last light's sound but not entirely from her personality. the lyrics are through the perspective of someone talking to objects in their apartment as they're moving out.

TIMELINE

born to her loving parents bae jungho & bae heejin. they separate on amicable terms when she's 2, and they remain such responsible parents about it that later on, sunhee can't really point the cause of her neuroses towards a fractured family.

she just happens to become closer with her father. her mother is a decorated researcher and travels frequently for conferences, so sunhee grows up mostly with her dad. bae jungho is a retired classical musician, who was once a child prodigy. not a huge name with the normies, but definitely in the classical music world.

there are great expectations for sunhee at a young age, but again, her parents are remarkably responsible and remind her, over and over, that she can be anything she wants, that she can take her time, that she's allowed to make mistakes. sunhee thinks that's easy to say for people who are born gifted & so effortless about their contributions to Society. despite her parents' joint nurturing, she grows up troubled and constantly feeling like she's running out of time to be remarkable.

her father was a prodigy at 12. at 21, sunhee is sneaking out to rock concerts and hooking up with girls with cool guitars, pretending she doesn't care that she's probably disappointing her parents. she doesn't. they remind her constantly that they could never be disappointed in her, so. so.

the band saves her, in a way. gives her accountability, something to be responsible for that isn't just her hungover self. she latches, but soon her self sabotaging streak rears its ugly head.

at 27, her father passes. he leaves her most of his fortune, a nice little nest egg that's supposed to help her pursue her dreams. to his dying breath, he's a good father.

sunhee uses that money to rent the studio.

she still has it rented to her name to this day. she's had a piano brought in since; she's been starting to get back into piano again, as a side project from the band. sometimes, when she crashes out in the studio, she swears she can hear her father's favorite pieces playing. like he used to before, they help lull her to sleep.

IMPRESSIONS ON & OFF SET

whenever she visited the set, she gave the impression of being in a hurry. if you asked if she was busy, she would bluntly but honestly tell you no. she seemed unaware of the brusque nature she gives off.

off set, she's unfortunately a cliche of a troubled rockstar hurtling towards self destruction. sunhee seems aware of that, though. the bad publicity doesn't get to her --- not because she doesn't care, but because she seems to already know everything they say as a fact about herself.

makes friends fast, lets herself lose them fast.

abides by two adages: 1) people can't be disappointed in you if you set their expectations low from the beginning, and 2) no one really knows what the fuck they're doing with their lives, and the best you can do is sometimes go in and out of each other's and help make it good for a little while. you don't live the kind of life that people would want to end up in. if people go, then it's for the better, especially for them.

feels weirded out about everyone's reactions to this "curse." to her, she didn't experience anything, bc she just chalked up the "hearing your dead dad play piano to you" as part of her grief at the time. very steven crain from hill house the show about it, outspoken about the very real possibility that maybe they are all just psychologically troubled, not haunted.

CONNECTIONS

in place of a plots page for now, here are some pre-established connections she can have if anyone's interested:

closed. (fem locked, 27+ locked) regular fwbs who started seeing each other after the movie. sunhee is pretty strict about having no strings attached, but this might be the longest genuine connection she's had with someone (read: she doesn't immediately turn around and walk away when she sees them in a public setting). it's a little weird now that they'll see each other regularly, but they're both gotten good at ignoring everything else in favorite of a quick thrill.

(fem locked, 27+ locked) childhood friends, potentially a first love. i would love if this connection formed when they were younger and sunhee was less of a wreck as she is now. she would've been sweet on muse, though ultimately her personality would have never allowed her to actually pursue it. they reconnected at some point during the 2024 filming, but time has changed their dynamic --- we could plot out exactly how it did. ideally i'd love for the love that sunhee had for this muse to have transcended romantic love by now, and instead this muse just holds a special place in sunhee's heart. she'd be rather protective of them in present day.

a lyrical muse. one of the many inspirations for a song that sunhee wrote for their band...but inspiration can take so many forms. i'd love if this muse actually inspired one of her angriest songs LMAO, out of a pure hatred (onesided or mutual).

an "apprentice." apprentice is a loose term here. this muse would be someone, likely younger, who either has an interest in music, last light, or just thinks sunhee is cool in general (oh god). unfortunately, sunhee is not a good influence and regularly exposes muse to partying, alcohol, drugs, and other generally unsavory practices.

(25+ locked) a mutual bad influence. someone who shares a fascination in seeing just how bad things can get. they fuel each other's self destructive tendencies, are the worst enablers of their worst habits...but also find a weird companionship in waking up absolutely shitfaced from it together afterwards. the habit only picks up now that they're on this reunion together.

a stranger who knows you too well. they crossed paths during one of sunhee's crashouts post-filming. emotions were running high for both of them, and maybe they ended up almost or for real getting into trouble together that night, but it ended in them having an unexpected heart-to-heart about the things they were going through at the time. part of the reason they let their guards down was because both assumed they'd never see each other again after that, but, well...here they are now, still carrying around those little broken pieces of each other's hearts nbd.

fellow family disappointments. nursing any feelings of guilt, doom, fatalism, nihilism, or anything of the like? sunhee wants to hash it out over some alcohol --- or not. are they as emotionally stunted as her? that's okay, let's bring on the alcohol anyway.

"roommate." the one she's sharing a bathroom with for this trip... this is open to anyone and doesn't have to be pre-plotted, but if you DO want to plot smth specific involving them being neighbors then just let me know. :]

[chorusfm]

The Academy Is… – Almost Here

The record that started it all for The Academy Is, and made an instant star out of vocalist William Beckett, has turned 20 years old. In the flurry of bands signed to the label Fueled By Ramen, The Academy Is seemed to be one of the more immediate success stories. The band had formed in 2003, put out their self-titled EP in 2004 and would craft enough material to release their formal full-length debut, Almost Here, in early 2005. The set was produced by James Paul Wisner and he does a nice job of accentuating the band’s strengths. The Academy Is would be staples on the Warped Tour and would later release two subsequent full-length records before going on hiatus in October 2011. Almost Here spawned three singles in “Checkmarks,” “Slow Down,” and “The Phrase That Pays” and by October 2009 the set had sold over 250,000 units. There is something immediately charming about The Academy Is on their debut Almost Here. From the call to action of “Attention” that rallies their fans much like a teacher grabbing their class’ focus back to the front of the room, to the steady beat and bounce of “Season,” there was a lot to love early on. “Slow Down” showcased the band’s unique skill in crafting radio-ready emo anthems and Beckett’s gradual build-up to the powerful chorus was definitely star-worthy. The dual-guitar attack of AJ LaTrace and Mike Carden put a greater emphasis on the punch they could pack in their power chords and the guitar style of each band member nicely complemented Beckett’s vocals. The middle section of the LP begins with “The Phrase That Pays” that starts off with a steady riff before drummer Mike DelPrincipe adds in some kick drums almost like The White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army.” “Black Mamba” packs plenty of venom behind Beckett’s pointed lyrics while the band rallies around his every word. The slow-burn of the verses found on “Skeptics and True Believers” makes for a nice contrast in the speedy chorus and remains a solid deep cut in the band’s discography. Even more straight-forward songs like “Classifieds” remain captivating due to Beckett’s impressive vocal range and overall charming performance. “Checkmarks” sounds exactly like what you would want a strong lead single to feel and sound like in an era of bands dominated by great guitar parts and solid hooks. Beckett’s vocals continue to shine in the vivid storytelling of “Down and Out” while the title track is a remarkable closing statement for a band that had only been around since 2003. The Academy Is simply worked, and they deserve their moment of reflection as they celebrate two decades of Almost Here. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/reviews/the-academy-is-almost-here-2/

[flirting-with-psychology]

101 curious questions. Let’s talk.

What’s your biggest insecurity?

Being awkward

What’s your biggest physical insecurity?

My weight

Do you like the person you feel like you’re becoming?

Not as much as I had hoped to by this point in my life

What’s the one thing you feel like everyone knows how to do except you?

Make friends

Do you suffer from anxiety/depression/PTSD/other?

Anxiety probably

Where were you born?

Colorado

What do you think people say about you when you’re not around?

Idk, I'm not sure if they talk about me

Do you look up to anyone in your life?

Not actively

What makes you feel guilty? How do you resolve it?

Not being a good girlfriend or daughter. I don't really resolve it

What’s your boring hobby (that you still enjoy anyway)?

Social media

Do you like who you are around people?

Not really, I'm too shy and awkward except for a few people I feel comfortable with

Do you know what your plans for the future are? Do you like them?

Haha noooo

Tell a secret.

I'm not sure I really have a good one

What petty event are you still embarrassed about?

My dad took me to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I guess in his day everyone danced to the Time Warp, so he dragged me up to the stage but no one else came up so it was just us and the performers

Do you get wanderlust? Where do you want to go?

Yeah, I'd like to go to Europe. Also stay in those cool really expensive hotels that only rich people can afford even a night in

Romantically, do you prefer men, women, both, any/don’t care, or are you aromantic?

Men

How many parents do you have?

2

Do they get along?

Yes, but they are divorced

Do you swear?

Fuck yeah

How many siblings do you have? Where are you in relation to them?

None

Have you ever had to hurt anyone emotionally?

I'm sure

Has anyone ever hurt you emotionally?

Yes

Do you believe in an afterlife?

No

What lies do you believe anyways?

It's fun to suspend disbelief for reality tv

Would you consider yourself poor, average, or wealthy?

Below average

What does your favorite tattoo mean to you? Or if you had to get a tattoo, what would it be? Why?

I don't have any. I thought about getting a heart on my arm because I wear my heart on my sleeve, or "Carpe Diem" because I like the quote

How many groups of friends do you have? How do they vary?

A couple main ones that I play DnD with

Do you work? If so, what do you do? Do you like your job?

I work for a TV company, it's pretty cool

Do you want to have a partner for life?

Yes

Who have you never forgiven? Why?

Jerks from school, never saw a reason to be friends with them and they never tried to be nicer to me

What are you looking forward to right now?

My trip to my boyfriend's parents' house for Christmans

If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?

Wish I had figured out how to date in high school or college

What’s your favorite color in context?

What context? I think teal looks best on me

What unpopular opinion do you have?

Cancel culture is excessive and it's ok to like something without supporting everything about the person/people who made it

What’s the last good book you’ve read?

Mistborn (reread) and Shadow and Bone (1st time read)

What’s your favorite book?

Harry Potter

Favorite poem?

Not sure

Favorite movie?

Back to the Future

Favorite song?

All Too Well by Taylor Swift

Favorite food/type of food?

Chocolate or cheese

What kind of food activates your gag reflex?

Lots of foods, I'm pretty picky

What do you feel like you’re missing from your life right now?

Direction

If you could choose your own name, what would it be? Why?

I did choose my own name

What’s the earliest dream you can remember having?

Maybe a recurring nightmare about hooks coming out of my ceiling

What’s the most recent dream you can remember having?

I accidentally broke the record I got for my boyfriend for Hanukkah

What’s the most beautiful dream you can remember having?

The magical kingdom I became queen of

Do you have a car? What kind is it?

Subaru Forester

Are you afraid of death?

A little, but it's not really on my list of pressing things to worry about

Have you ever attempted to take your own life?

No

Describe your dream job?

Being a student forever

Are you religious/spiritual?

No

What do you do to calm yourself down?

Lately, play solitaire

What’s the most annoying thing that happens to you on a regular basis?

Going to my job

Do you live in an urban, suburban, or rural area?

Suburban-urban

What’s the one talent you wish you had?

Being able to talk to anyone

Do you do well or struggle in school?

Did well

Do you have a speech impediment?

Not really, but we joke that I have a "speak impediment" because I do screw up words sometimes and when I asked my friends if I had a speech impediment I accidentally said speak impediment

What’s the most terrifying thing that’s ever happened to you?

Not sure

What’s the happiest day of your life you’ve ever had?

Marching band state finals senior year of high school was a good one

Early, on time, or late?

Late

What quirks do you have?

Probably several

Do you wish you could start tomorrow with a clean slate? Why/why not?

Not really, I don't know what I would do with it

Do you ever get paranoid?

Yeah

Do you believe in human souls? Where do you think they come from?

Not really, but I am curious about where consciousness comes from

What’s one mistake that you’ll never make again?

Agreeing to run the music at a wedding

What fandoms do you belong to?

Taylor Swift and Choices are the ones I participate in a bit

What are your old URLs?

I think my old one was shineslikestars or something?

How often would you say you lie? Why?

Rarely, and only little white lies like "yeah you look good in that"

Do you like the kind of attention you get from other people?

Usually, but I don't get enough attention

Are you in a relationship? What’s your favorite thing about your partner?

Yes, he is a really good cuddler

Are you concerned about the environment?

Not as much as I should be

What stresses you out more than anything else?

The future

Credit, debit, EBT, or cash?

Debit

Who’s your favorite historical figure?

F. Scott Fitzgerald

What’s that movie you know is bad but enjoy anyways?

Not Another Teen Movie

Do you masturbate (be honest)?

Yeah

What’s your kink?

Not gonna answer that

What’s one thing you don’t feel comfortable doing around your friends?

Doing some of my more OCD hobbies like making lists

What’s your most prized possession?

My stuffed dog Bruno

Are you ever proud of yourself?

Yeah

Do you ever tear yourself down?

Yeah

Do you ever tell people how you’re feeling?

Yeah

Do you like when people guess how you’re feeling?

I usually just tell them. If I don't, it means I'm hiding it on purpose to not make the situation about me

Are you worried about someone close to you? Why?

Not particularly, but my parents a little since they are getting older with health problems

What kind of interview questions do you answer to yourself?

What does this mean?

If you could meet anyone, living, dead, or unborn, who would it be?

Taylor Swift

If you had a clone of yourself and the two of you didn’t have enough resources, would you get along?

I probably wouldn't get along with her even if we did have enough resources

What kinds of things confuse you?

Computer code

Do you feel too hot or too cold more often?

Too hot

If you had to live in any past time period, which would it be?

Medieval (if I was upper class) or 80s

What’s your sign? you feel like it matches your personality?

Sagittarius. It doesn't particularly match

Do you believe in astrology?

No

Do you like extreme activities, like white water rafting, surfing, roller coasters, etc.?

I like roller coasters but I don't put them in the same category as extreme activites, which I don't really like

Are you waiting for someone to save you?

Not really, but maybe a tiny bit

Can you remember the last time you made a deep personal connection with someone?

I sort of did with one of my coworkers at the work party last night

Do you like where you grew up?

Yeah

What’s your favorite word?

I don't have one

Would you consider yourself an interesting person?

Not especially

Which people in your life do you wish knew you better?

My friend group

Are you okay?

Pretty ok

What’s been going through your mind lately?

The future

[sourholland]

Omg u should do an imagine of season 2 the bonfire scene but instead of it being Sarah and John b it could be the reader and jj and tipper being the readers ex and the use like a random girl from the party

Bonfire || JJ Maybank

Summary → You and JJ are broken up and Topper takes you to the annual bonfire.

AN → This is based off of an episode in szn 2 so OBX2 SPOILERS! Send in OBX concepts/requests!

Pairing(s) → JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Warnings → Strong Language, Underage Drinking, Violence, Blood

Word Count → 1.0k

“I’m planning on getting absolutely shitfaced, how about you?”

Topper couldn’t help smiling at you, taking a sip of that Natty Light he’d been thrown a few minutes before. The clouds were hanging low in the sky, only a few stars visible through the thick smog. That didn’t stop the blazing fire from sending up grey smoke into the air. Clusters of teenagers were sat around the fire, others messing around on dirt bikes and skateboards.

“Don’t you think you should just take it easy? I don’t want you to make yourself sick,” he told you, leaning over to get closer.

He had been an amazing friend in the week you’d been staying in his pool house. After getting off Figure 8, you and the rest of the Pogues ran off and got into some deep shit. Your parents told you not to bother coming home, mad about how you were dating JJ and sneaking off every other night. Once the cops got involved, you figured you were royally fucked.

So a few days before the bonfire, when you weren’t thinking straight and broke up with him, you essentially had nowhere to go. He was family. The Pogues were family.

Topper let you crash at his, though. It was weird at first, mostly because you had history and everything. You had no choice, it was his place or sticking around the Cut and having to sleep ten feet away from JJ.

“This is me taking it easy,” you sighed, taking another sip of the beer in your hand.

“If you’re not up for this, Y/N/N,” he started with a tone of seriousness. “We can head out and go get something to eat if you want.”

God, why did he have to be so respectful and sweet. It made it so much harder. He woke you up for school in the morning all week, brought you breakfast, helped with whatever homework you didn’t have the energy to do.

And still, you missed JJ more than anything in the whole fucking world.

Topper slung his arm over your shoulder, pulling you into him a bit closer than would be considered platonic. You could smell his Armani cologne, the one he always wore when you were together. And as if timing couldn’t get any better, you looked up from you drink to see JJ being pressed by some senior girl you recognized from your lunch period.

His eyes flickered from her dark hair to you, taking in your appearance and the way Topper had you so close. His lip was busted, cheek sporting a black and blue bruise from a right hook he’d received a few days prior.

“You alright?” Topped asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Mhm, yeah,” you mumbled. “I’m fine.”

The speaker was blaring whatever song, the girl placing JJ’s hands on her hips and letting him sway her around drunkenly. He kept looking over her shoulder, watching you with a hard expression and narrowed eyes. She even at one point seemed to lean into him, waiting for a kiss. He looked the opposite way, ignoring the girl’s huff in frustration and continued to let her dance with him.

“I’m just gonna grab another beer,” you told Topper. “Hold on.”

Pushing through the groups of people, you kicked a few red solo cups and felt your face heat and heart quicken. You weren’t against confrontation, not when you knew he was trying to get a reaction from you.

JJ looked up, watching you near him and and tried to play it off like he wasn’t smirking ever so annoyingly. The smug look lasted until you were standing right in front of the both of them, hands on your hips and eyes trained on her specifically.

“Who’s your friend, J,” you said with more malice coating your voice than intended.

“What’re you doing, Y/N,” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be over there tending to Top and his frosted tips?”

“Fuck off,” you rolled your eyes.

You felt Topper come up beside you, JJ stiffening and the girl visibly upset at you talking to him. It was definitely not ideal, but you assumed that you looked upset to at least him. He always knew how to tell if you were in a mood.

“Look, Y/N. Just go, are you really so desperate that you can’t leave your ex-boyfriend alone?” The girl spoke up, getting into your face a bit.

“I’m sorry, were you talking?” You mocked her.

“He doesn’t want you—”

The sound of your fist colliding with her nose seemed to shut her up. There was a loud reaction from the clusters of teenagers, some taking out their phones to record you. JJ looked taken aback, but pleasantly surprised nonetheless.

“Crazy bitch,” she choked, spitting blood onto the ground.

“You want to see crazy? Get up and I’ll show you how fucking crazy I am!”

Topper put his arm in front of you, as if to stop you from doing anymore damage. This only struck something in JJ, his arms shoving Topper back onto the ground with a collective shout from everyone around.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch her!” He warned through gritted teeth.

It didn’t take long before both of them were on the ground, punches being thrown and people taking sides. John B and Pope had run up soon after, Kie pushing through everyone and yelling at JJ to knock it off. You grabbed him by his shoulders from the back, yanking him onto the ground and watching Topper back away.

“Both of you!” You yelled, “what the fuck is the matter with you, god!”

Sirens could be heard in the distance, meaning in the middle of whatever that was—a freshman probably called the cops. JJ stood with a battered face and black eye, he stepped up to you and exhaled with blood dripping down and his chin.

“This what you want?” He snapped.

He turned away, walking off and leaving you to stand there with glossed over eyes and a bruised hand.

[ceramicdove]

[deep inhale] So these guys huh

Avataro Sentai Donbrothers (2022, currently ongoing), written by Toshiki Inoue (the man who put a gay sex scene in Rider Time: Kamen Rider Ryuki (2019)), is about a lot of things but basically there's this higher plane of existence called Ideon the stability of which heavily relies on human thoughts and feelings (despite the Nouto, its main inhabitants, being unable to understand said human feelings). When a human's desire goes out of control they become a monster called a Hitotsuki and that's bad for Ideon so they sent three people (read: Sonoi and his high school besties. Yeah they got high school there apparently) to the human world to do something about it (spoiler: they end up falling in love with humanity in their own ways and now the Council kinda has to execute them oops). Sonoi is their leader and while he genuinely values human life a lot he's also disgusted by human greed and desire and stuff. Enter Tarou Momoi.

Tarou, the main character, is a human (not really actually but that's not relevant right now) guy who's 1) better than everyone at everything, 2) physically unable to lie (like, it straight up temporarily kills him), and 3) wants nothing more than to help people. Sonoi tells him he wishes more people were like him. Also he tells him he is hope to him. Also they talk about how beautiful the moon is. Also Tarou suggests going to eat out sometime (they do manage it but much later and everyone else is forced to watch their date). And more. You get the idea. This is all until Sonoi finds out Tarou is actually the guy he's been fighting for the last several episodes, upon which he (distraught) goes "actually nvm you are despair to me" and manages to kill him (because since Tarou can't lie he just casually asked him about his weak point earlier).

However Sonoi feels insanely bad about taking advantage of him so he helps bring Tarou back (tooootally so they can have a fair and just rematch). And then they do have a fair and just rematch and Sonoi dies but then Tarou ends up helping bring him back and because it was done using some of Tarou's power Sonoi has red eyes now and acts kinda like him. This is what he has to say on the matter: "We're alike, you and I. Like the sea and the sky! The two of them face each other, but can never commingle! But, even so… they share the same blue!" (homosexuality?) And then they rematch and he kills Tarou and then Tarou comes back and then Sonoi's back to normal and now they just kinda fight each other for fun regularly they're like if Romeo and Juliet were two gay autistic men I think. Here is their character song (it plays at the end of the ep where Sonoi dies). What did they mean by this I wonder

Absolutely horribly written ask but I am not an expert on them so sorry I probably got something wrong and/or missed something. I asked my friend who I think IS an expert on them about what I should absolutely mention were I to ever explain them to someone with zero prior Donbros knowledge and they just said this

Other fun Sonoi facts: once he decides to help Tarou with his delivery job (don't ask) and Tarou goes "don't worry about how he's dressed" to a customer and Sonoi is like "I'll have you know I'm considered a fashion leader in my world :/" and yeah it just kinda goes like that. I hope you could understand my vision because I could not put it into words

KIARA. [CRAWLS TO YOU WHILE COVERED IN BLOOD] I MADE IT. I made it. I'm here now.

Thank you so much for sending this to me. Starting off so early with the phrase "the man who put a gay sex scene in Rider Time: Kamen Rider Ryuki" is truly genius. There really is nothing else that gets you hooked quite like that.

JUST BASED ON THE BAREBONES CONCEPT, THIS ACTUALLY VAGUELY REMINDS ME OF A WEB COMIC/WEB NOVEL I CAME UP WITH AND STARTED MAPPING OUT CIRCA AGE 13-14? Similar dichotomy surrounding feelings and humanity (or lack thereof). I envy my younger self's ability to be passionate about an original project like that, because these days my ability to create & design original characters is truly, completely dead. Back to the relevant things, though. I'm truly sad I didn't find this earlier, because I feel it could have rewired my brain around that age. But I truly feel like this is a wonderful concept to explore.

THE PART ABOUT "PHYSICALLY UNABLE TO LIE (LIKE IT STRAIGHT UP TEMPORARILY KILLS HIM)" WAS SO FUNNY I'M SORRY. NO CLUE WHY OR HOW THAT HAPPENS TO HIM (feel free to explain if you want to) BUT...YEOWCH! Damn he's fucked. I am kind of already fond of him, though...you were right in your assumption, I do feel this is a set of characters I'd be likely to latch onto. Especially given the entire...Problem they have surrounding the murderfighting hope/despair thing. That is awesome and so beautiful to me.

Kiara. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the absolute gem that is the phrase "they're like if Romeo and Juliet were two gay autistic men I think". This means the world to me. I would pin this to my heart if I could. The world needs more Romeo and Juliet that are two gay autistic people. It's really necessary to the ecosystem, and also to...me!

I'm also listening to their song right now. IT'S GOOD? It's genuinely quite good. I really enjoy the jazziness and atmosphere of it all. "As paths cross/A certain sensation's felt/A connection/that can't be quantified/Whether to join hands/or clash/Only the moon knows/the outcome" Ahemmm ummmmmhmmm [BATS MY EYELASHES MEEKLY BEFORE RUNNING AWAY AND TRIPPING LIKE AN ANIME GIRL/NEWBORN BABY DEER] I wonder what that certain sensation is...! Oh my! Oh my...!

Your friend's input is also deeply valuable to me because likening two characters to elementary schoolers with crushes on each other also trying to kill each other is another good way to set a mousetrap for me. Elementary school gay autistic romeo and juliet murder is truly top 5 pairings any piece of media has ever come up with.

TAROU HAVING A DELIVERY JOB WAS A SLAP IN THE FACE. But I think I can understand your vision. I think I can. I may never know the full truth, but I can keep my heart open and absorb the psychic energies of these two little freakazoids.

Thank you so, so, so much for sharing this piece of information with me. I don't think I ever would've found out about them otherwise. Perhaps some day soon I'll be thinking back on them and I'll go on a little deep dive journey to learn more. Who knows?

And of course, thank you Toshiki Inoue for everything you contributed to our society. After Kamen Rider fucking and gay autistic Romeo & Juliet, the universe will never be the same. I hope his mind continues to produce...whatever is going on up there. God bless!