#but as long as he's in this mindset he'd never be able to recognize them

[saaltskies]

The way Volo does care about people despite how he might pretend he hates them and people only ever use and manipulate each other

If he hates the world so much and just wants his suffering to end he could just kill himself or something why are you trying to restart the world so no one ever suffers again, hmm?

Man. I think about what if he won. Would he even have the guts to go through with his plan? He has to. He's come this far. He's done this much. He has to... right?

He likes people too much

Him being all friendly wasn't completely an act he really is like that even if he really hated the player and was using them. He likes people. He likes to yap. He likes to gossip. He likes getting all nerdy about ruins. But he's so convinced the world is doomed and beyond saving. So much so he's willing to rip open the sky, manipulate and betray someone who thought of him as a good friend, and take his fight to the heavens and the creator itself.

[terrence-silver]

terry and john with a beloved they've known since they were fresh out the war. the 80s roll along and beloved is met with two people they can hardly recognise and they hate what they've become. how would terry and john react? what would they do if beloved tried to leave?

---

John Kreese?

John would understand and fully predict this, because I think he's a man with the type of mindset where he believes that serving in a war sets him apart from other people by default. He feels he's meant to be a lone wolf due to it. That there will be people who hate him for being a veteran and that they're idiots and sniveling weaklings for doing so. Flat out. That's the price you pay for defending your country; you can't ever go back to what you used to be and you shouldn't be able to go back. That fighting in Vietnam is an unique sort of lifelong brotherhood --- the type of thing you had to be there for in order to comprehend it and that he'll never exactly be one with the civilians ever again because of it; maybe for the better. That it was inevitable he'd change the minute he hopped unto that army bus. He knew what he signed up for. He doesn't shrink that responsibility.

He feels superior, in a sense, yet he's a cynical realist in other ways.

If he had an old beloved friend or sweetheart that doesn't recognize him or even like him years after he's returned home, the surprise isn't that big for him and chances are, if he avoided them, he avoided them, partially, on purpose, believing there isn't that much point maintaining contact in spite of his feelings precisely because he's so changed and the disconnect, in his opinion, would be far too great and beloved should go and form circles and make a life with those more similar to themselves. To each their own. This doll ain't a Cobra. Shouldn't be hanging around Cobras. He might even bluntly tell them this if they press him on reasons why he's been so callous and if they prove to be relentless, he'll intentionally gaslight them to make them seem like the irrational one. He ain't above tactically insulting them to hurt their feelings enough to get them to leave. Anything to get them away from himself. They hate what he's become? For their own sake, they should distance themselves.

But, it's not himself John worries about. It's probably Terry.

Terry who wouldn't understand that beloved might not like what he's become.

Why?

Because Terry feels and knows he's much improved.

He's stronger, faster, better, smarter and richer than ever before!

And because, oh --- Terry's changed after the war. Like, genuinely changed. You could fairly easily recognize a post-war John and a pre-war John if you put them side by side, but Terry after Vietnam and before it are literally two different people and John Kreese might just warn beloved off precisely for this reason too, among a line up of many others, because he understands why Terry's the way Terry is, but beloved wouldn't. John knows why Terry's mannerisms are so changed. Why he adopted new speech patterns. What's the story behind that ponytail. He knows it all. Having been Terry's Captain in Vietnam, he might feel, in a weird way, responsible for him. To beloved, it all might seem scary, baffling, confusing, bizarre and something out of a horror story. Furthermore, John also knows that Terry isn't likely to let beloved go if their paths ever cross again, and chances are, he's never forgotten them either and has actively looked for them --- a search that doesn't last long at all, with his tenacity, connections and wealth at play. Once he finds them though, of course he's baffled beloved doesn't like what he's become. Unlike John, of course it takes him by surprise they want to run. Of course he's almost offended that they don't want to immediately move in with him, go for drinks, a vacation, and a dip in the jacuzzi to reminisce about the good, old days. But, no matter. Somehow, even beloved's distaste gets Terry going. In an odd way, it rouses him. He likes it. They've always belonged to him and John. Everything about them did. Their virtues. Their flaws. Every their hatred.

Now that the war is long since over?

Terry figures it's time to collect what was always theirs.

And by god, does John ever get dragged into it by a very vehement and stubborn Terry and starts, at first, begrudgingly participating in the hunt, initially, to make sure Terry doesn't go too far with you and that you don't get hurt, but eventually, him playing the sidelined referee and spectator Terry is 'putting up a show for' is a short lived thrill and he more than willingly begins relishing in hunting you down just as much as Terry does.

Turns out, there's no escaping these two.

Whoops.

[honorhearted]

Coming from a family of a giving disposition, Ben was no stranger to starvation. Despite the Tallmadges never truly wanting for anything, amidst hard times, Nathaniel reminded them that they must give to the needy -- that they must only take enough to sustain themselves. That same mindset followed him into adulthood and the war, and Ben knew he was willing to give up the ultimate price for the colonies: his very life. He just never imagined that it would happen at the hands of a superior -- a friend.

Wrists chafed and bleeding from his manacles, Ben found himself shoved none-too-gently into the vessel, his new home, and almost defiantly rattled off his name once requested. He would proudly proclaim his allegiance to the American Cause.

It wasn't until he was shoved into a filthy, dingy corner of his own that he lost his bravado. Ben had always envisioned a far more meaningful, eventful death than this -- one that would send him off into a blaze of glory, bleeding out for the land and people whom he loved.

"B---Be-- Ben-- Benjamin Tallmadge?"

Abruptly, he stilled in his spot, snapping his head to the side in suspicion. He had rather loudly stated his name, so perhaps this person had overheard?

"Is-- is that you?"

There was something desperate, familiar about the other's timbre, and leaning toward the crawling, near skeleton of a man, something inside him lurched upon spotting the pair of eyes he'd be able to recognize in a crowd of one million.

"Sammy," he choked, his throat closing up around the name. Oh, God... "Samuel," he said again, nearly falling upon his knees. With tears in his eyes, he resisted the urge to fiercely embrace his much-beloved sibling, and instead, pulled him forward and tucked him beneath his chin, his breath shallow and almost aching in his lungs as he weakly asked, "Is it really you? I thought...w-we thought..."

"Oi!" One of the guards came over and struck Ben harshly on the shoulder with a club, the pain stark and throbbing to the point he could barely feel his fingertips. "You keep to yer respective sides!"

He considered fighting back -- he would rather die than submit -- but for Samuel's sake, Ben released his brother with visible difficulty, and then gracelessly collapsed back onto his perch. After the guard had stalked off again, he weakly asked, "How long? How long have you been here?"

@honorhearted (Samuel Tallmadge, plotted 4 MILLION Years ago- where Ben is captured and locked up on the Jersey)

There were rumors, whispers tainted with the news that Arnold had turned coat and had sold important prisoners out. But the emaciated captain never paid them much heed. That is, until a familiar voice joined the chaos. He would know that timbre in his sleep; even upon his deathbed, it would inspire the SAME reaction.

Though his legs could not deign to hold up his scant weight, Samuel shifts. His mired nails claw at the side of the ship for support until they found something worthy of purches. "B---Be-- Ben-- Benjamin Tallmadge?" He hoarsely rumbles between fits of wheeze inducing coughs. "Is-- is that you?" The skeletal figure beckons. The heart inside of his chest TWISTS, sinking like a ten-tone stone to the soles of his feet. If he's here, he may surely join him in DEATH.

Then, arose another fear, a fear that his own elder brother would not recognize him. In shame, Samuel turns his hollowed face against the dim infringement of light.

[quirkle2]

jay do you ever think if warriors is in the middle of a big battle like the bloodied warriors drawings you made that legend ever has to help him calm down?? :0 man the feral ones you made are such a far cry from how carefree and goofy he usually is!!! aaaaaa I love them!!!!!!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YES I DO ANON YES I DO

i've mentioned in the past a lot that they Both tend to absolutely lose it if the other is hurt in battle, but i also think abt instances where neither of them r hurt but Something happens in the fight and it makes wars lose it anyway. it could be pretty much anything ?? it could be just a Sound—a particularly familiar way metals scrape together; a yell that sounds like a long-gone soldier of his; the sound of a bomb being lit,,,

it could be smth So small that bothers nobody else at all, but it will instantly take him back to some memory he'd tried to forget. he's suddenly in a different place in his head altogether and he's back in that mindset he'd had to adopt during the war—kill or be killed—and when he of all people gets like that, a literal one-man army, it is incredibly hard to stop him from killing just about anything that moves

it's rare that it happens, but he does occasionally snap into something cold and feral and heartless. sometimes he's pushed over the edge, and ? sometimes only legend can calm him down

the others try ? most of the time wars recognizes them as allies, but on the rare occasion he's too lost in his own head to know who he's slashing at, they Have to get out of the way in order to not get immediately killed. legend is their fastest member. wars is Almost a match, but not quite, and if it rly came down to it, ledge would be able to avoid his strikes long enough to get his attention and snap him out of it

but i enjoy the idea of wars seeing ledge and That's what snaps him out of it. the others have been trying to get his attention, trying to yell for him to stop and it's proven to be useless cuz he's not hearing a word they're saying, but i fuckin adore the idea of legend being the only one wars' mind seems to pause at. if legend yells enough, it usually breaks through the barrier and gets wars to halt and to blink and realize he'd gotten lost in his head

and when he's finally snapped out of it ? he's Instantly panicking. he knows immediately what happened, or at least the jist of it, and he's whipping around to count heads and scan bodies for injuries inflicted By Him. he's actively hyperventilating cuz he doesn't allow himself a Moment of rest between his feral trance and checking the team over for injuries and legend has to grip his shoulders and cup his jaw and force him to Look at him

legend's so ?? it's Scary, for him, to see wars like that. it's scary for everybody, but legend in particular has royal knight trauma, and seeing his best friend, who is a knight, with that heartless, crazed look in his eyes ? it,, it unsettles him so much. legend is Scared of him, in those moments. luckily, they're at the point where ledge knows wars would never hurt him intentionally

and u bet ur ass that wars is so broken up abt losing it on the field. he apologizes endlessly, gets so choked up and guilty abt it, and even though the rest of the chain keeps telling him that they Get it and they understand and they don't blame him, he still beats himself up over it sm. keeps repeating "i could have killed you!" and he's nearly inconsolable

especially if he Does actually hurt one of them. just because that idea hurts me immensely, im gonna say it's never anything more than a simple nick or a twist of a limb <3 but even That . even if he sees a nick on somebody's face and he asks where that came from and they sheepishly admit they'd narrowly dodged one of wars' attacks, he's sofuckign broken up about it.

ur RIGHT anon he's such a goofy and gentle guy and even seeing a Small Cut on any of them, caused by wars, is enough to reduce him to tears. he just keeps thinking that if he'd gone a little faster, if they'd been a little closer, it could have been fatal. it could have chopped their fucking head clean off. That's why he gets so upset. it's how close he got to killing one of his family members

it terrifies him ? he's endlessly apologizing and Instantly unarming himself so he can't hurt them. and it usually takes the whole evening for legend to bring him back to a point where he's calm and not constantly hung up on the fact that he lost it on the field. legend's so gentle w him and the rest of the chain is as well—they're so endlessly patient w him and even if they've said it 16 times in the last hour, they'll keep telling him it wasn't his fault and they do not blame him and No We Don't Hate You Please Never Say That Ever Again

[sokkastyles]

hi :) u up 2 talk about Azula? i wonder what kind of help she could get. what do u think? also - names to mental stuf in a pre-dx world?

Hi! Happy V Day <3

First of all, I've said before that I don't like diagnosing fictional characters with mental illnesses at the best of times. In a pre-DSM world, it's almost impossible. I've also said before that I don't consider Azula to be mentally ill, especially not in the series proper (the comics don't exist, shhh.) Unless you mean in the sense of having CPTSD due to prolonged abuse, but like, Zuko has that, too.

One main difference between Zuko and Azula is that Zuko actually recognized that he needed help. Even when he didn't know it himself. Everything he did was a cry for help, even (especially) when he was like NO I DEFINITELY DO NOT NEED TO CALM DOWN WHY WOULD YOU SUGGEST THAT I AM PERFECTLY FINE!!!!!

That's the whole thing about Zuko's speech where he talks about Azula being "born lucky" versus his "lucky to be born." I love that speech so much, as you can probably tell if you have been following my blog because I talk about it all the time. If you've been with me on my personal you probably know that speech was the moment I started to love Zuko as a character. And people who talk about Azula and Zuko's relationship talk about that line a lot, but rarely focus on what Zuko says after:

I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.

This is the thing. This is what makes Zuko redeemable. The way Dante Basco delivers these lines is so good. There's a lot of false bravado, but also a lot of pain. Building an identity around having to constantly struggle caused Zuko a lot of pain but it also prevented him from falling into the mindset Azula was in, and ultimately the lessons he learned about picking himself up helped him to rebuild himself in the end and become a better person. Azula built her identity around being "born lucky" so that was always something she had to maintain, and the idea that she was superior by nature was fed by her father and her country's violent fascist ideologies. We do see that she struggles to maintain this mask of perfection even from the moment she is introduced to us, but what she doesn't ever do is admit that she struggles to maintain it.

That attitude is also seen in her speech to Long Feng about being a born leader. To her, it's a zero sum game; if she isn't born to win, then she loses.

I think help for Azula would need to involve first and foremost admitting that she needed help, and she really isn't in that place until she hits rock bottom. And she is in that place by the end of the series, but not before.

Think about all the steps Zuko had to go through to get redemption. Leaving the Fire Nation, humbling himself to the gaang, admitting that he'd lost his firebending. Can you imagine Azula doing any of those things? Zuko jokes about how Azula would just threaten them, which actually she wouldn't, she would manipulate, but anyway, the point is that she could never sincerely bring herself to that point because she has to WANT to do that, and more importantly she never learned how to. Zuko is able to humble himself enough to change partly because of being forcibly humbled throughout his life. Zuko knows what it feels like to hit rock bottom, and thus learned how to build himself up again, even if it took him a while to do it right.

Now, I'm also not saying that redemption necessitates suffering. That was also something Zuko internalized that was an obstacle for him to overcome, but it was because he learned how to grow from suffering that he was able to build himself back up. Azula has definitely suffered, but I don't think she would have considered any of the crap Ozai put her through as hurting her (even though it did) because she also believed the lie about her own superiority. That's why she built a fake wall around herself and who she was. Zuko talks about who he is; Azula says that she's a monster. Azula has no real idea who she is. That's what she needs to find out in order to get help, and she has to want it.

If it weren't for Aang and co., though, Azula would have still considered herself lucky. That's another difference between her and Zuko. Zuko would have denied that he was hurting like he did in the beginning of the series, but he would still know that he was. I don't think Azula even knows that she was hurt. At the end of the series, to her, the source of her suffering is something she blames on everyone else except 1) Ozai, and 2) her own toxic worldview. Remember when Zuko also had to admit that he was angry at himself? Azula would need to do something similar. Not to sound trite, but the first step to getting help is admitting that you have a problem, and as hard as that was for Zuko, it would be even harder for Azula because she was fed her whole life on a steady diet of her own superiority.

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: The Right Direction.

Commission for the lovely @99shadowcat99.

Work Count: 1.8k

Pairing: Yandere!Hawks/Reader

Synopsis: Keigo’s never been one for routine. His life is too hectic, for that, and he just doesn’t have time for a real schedule. But, you do, and he likes that about you. Enough to keep nudging you in the right direction, at least.

TW: Death, Descriptions of Murder, Stalking, Breaking and Entering, Blood, Emotional Manipulation, Financial Manipulation, Gaslighting, Delusional Mindsets, and Unhealthy Dependancy.

It probably didn’t help that he hadn’t been in the best state of mind, when he first found you.

His industry could be stressful, sometimes, and Keigo’d already seen plenty of good heroes fall apart and shatter under the pressure. He tried to take it in stride. He was good at it, too, keeping the sparse remains of his decimated personal life separate from the constantly growing behemoth that was his career. Still, he had his moments of weakness, just like everyone else. Moments of weakness that led him to the threshold of a coworker's bedroom before he found an excuse to leave, to the highest rooftop he could find just to escape the noise of the city below, or in your case, the darkest corner of a well-worn dive bar, his vision blurring and his words slurring together before you saw fit to cut him off with a hand on his shoulder and a concerned smile.

Keigo didn’t have a reason to be as grateful as he was. He’d been drunk, but your call had been a precautious one, your jokes about avoiding a lawsuit from his manager too genuine to be completely disregarded. It’d been human decency to let him sleep it off in your backroom, and he couldn’t call you a saint for not turning him away when he came back the next day, and the night after that, and at least once a week for the month that followed. He was willing to accept that you’d been easy to latch onto. He liked your eyes, the way they crinkled at the edges as you laughed. Your voice was nice, easy on the ears, and he’d never been able to pin down your scent, like flowers and smoke and cheap liquor, all at the same time. It didn’t really matter why, though, and he didn’t like to think about it. He just liked you, a lot.

You were always there, always excatly where he needed you to be, and he appreciated that. He wasn’t going to tell himself there was another reason why he liked you so much. You were where you were supposed to be, always where you were supposed to be, and Keigo was close to loving you for it. Speaking off…

“Hey there, stranger.”

You were always right on time, too.

He pushed himself away from the cement wall just in time to feel you nudge against his side, your shoulder barely colliding with his. He knew your routine, by now. You always worked the closing shift, kicking out the last of your patrons and locking up a few hours after midnight before heading home, you route alresdy permanently engrained in his memory. It wasn’t uncommon for Keigo to wait for you, but you always sent him the same glance over your shoulder, the same teasing grin. You were a creature of habit, and he couldn’t say he minded. “For a busy man, you seem to have an awful lot of time on your hands,” You started, already turning away from him. “Our beloved Hawks doesn’t have any other adoring fans to grace with his presence?”

“None I like as much as you, sweetheart.” He didn’t miss a beat, but he let himself stumble as he followed your lead, earning a laugh and an excuse to hook his arm around your elbow, his hand finding yours soon after. It was a common gesture of affection between the two of you, but Keigo’s heart still beat a little faster, his face flushing and making him thankful for the flickering streetlights. “Let me walk you home,” He went on, if only for the sake of ritual. You’d stopped trying to politely refuse weeks ago, and it’d been months since he’d taken ‘no’ for an answer. “Patrol might be over, but I can still make sure nothing happens to my favorite civilian.”

“Oh, really?” Another mocking tone, a playful squeeze to his hand. You were the one to intertwine your fingers with his, this time, and Keigo forced himself to keep his eyes on the sidewalk. “And what, prey tell, are you afraid the world’s going to throw at me in the block between my bar and the train station?”

It was actually three blocks, three and a half if he counted the range he combed through meticulously every night before meeting you, but Keigo didn’t bother verbalizing the correction. “I’ve seen all kinds of things happen in a block,” He admitted, shrugging, trying to sound casual enough to come off as genuine. “A villain could go on rampage, someone could lose control of their quirk… Hell, a waitress with a vendetta could be burning your bar to the ground, as we speak.”

There was a slight pause, then a humourless chuckle. Just as he’d expected. “It’d be a good night to try. My boss might beat them to it, otherwise.”

Keigo hummed, slowing his pace down as yours began to falter. “I’m guessing there’s trouble in paradise?”

“Nothing I didn’t expect,” You sighed. He recognized your expression, the slight glare, the effortful frown of someone frustrated with their situation, but resigned to the inevitability of it. “I never thought I’d spend the rest of my life working at some sketchy, second-rate bar, I just… We’ve been losing business, and the place is falling apart, and he just seems so... so alright with it. It’s like someone’s paying him to run the place into the ground.”

Someone was. Someone was giving your greasy, gutless, greedy employer enough to last him well into retirement to do just that, to sit back and make sure you wouldn’t have to spend another day serving leering customers with irresponsible coworkers, but you wouldn’t want to hear it from him. You wouldn't understand why he was doing it. It’d break your routine, and you’d be thrown out of your little, familiar world too quickly. 

You didn’t need to know, so Keigo didn’t need to tell you.

“It’s not the only sketchy bar in the world,” He tried. “We could always use another warm body at the agency, if you’re interested. Just as something to tide you over, obviously, I… I wouldn’t want to overstep my boundaries.”

Like he’d said, you were a creature of habit. It took you half a second to shake your head, and another to relax, your next sigh one of fondness, rather than irritation. He glanced in your direction just in time to meet your eyes. Just in time to watch your gaze drift over his shoulder, towards the narrow, cramped sidestreet behind him, the one he'd almost been worried you wouldn't reach. Just in time to notice your smile fade, your mouth fall open, and just in time to catch you, as your knees buckled and anything you might’ve said was drowned out by a long, wordless scream.

He might’ve been a little over-zealous, in hindsight. The body would’ve probably been enough on its own, slumped over and bloodied, but she’d been yelling so loudly, thrashing and kicking and fighting long past the point of stubborn futility, and Keigo must’ve lost his temper somewhere between pinning her down and wrapping his hands around her neck. He’d put so much thought into it, too, using a knife rather than one of his feathers and letting her drag herself just far enough to be visible from the sidewalk before serving the killing blow. But, leaving her sprawled across the pavement, the wounds in her back still and the blood still pooling beneath her chest...

It might’ve been overkill. That was on Keigo, but he was sure you'd find a way to forgive him.

“She’s not.” It was short, blunt, straight to the point. You didn’t try to protest, and Keigo took to unlocking his phone. One of his sidekicks should’ve still been on-duty, and he wanted his agency on this before the police could get involved. It’d be easier, that way. Usually, a hero would only be called in after the crime’s already solved and a suspect’s been found, but no one questions the guy trying to solve the case. “But, we’re not going to let the same thing happen to you, alright? Some of my guys are already on their way, and I’m going to find the psycho who did this.”

Still, the carnage served its purpose. He could already feel you going limp, falling against him as you stared at the grisly scene, barely making half an attempt to push him away before digging your nails into his shirt, instead. “That’s… That’s my roommate,” You gasped, your voice shaking, all jagged fear and sudden terror. Momentarily, he wondered if he should���ve been more subtle. “She shouldn’t-- She’s supposed to be at home, I don’t know why she’d--” There was an abrupt pause, a hasty, choked silence. You slumped against him, letting Keigo wrap his arm around your waist, your earlier anxiety gone and replaced with numb, festering shock. You were trembling, by the time you continued, but for whatever reason, Keigo couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. “I… I should check on her. She might be--”

There was a stilted nod, an uneven breath. “T-thank you, Takami.”

“That’s what I’m here for, right?” He allowed himself a small smile, a light tap to your side. “You’re going to have to stick around for a little while. I’ll try to make it quick, but if that really is your roommate, we’ll have to ask a few questions. Then you’ll be free to head home.”

Keigo could’ve laughed as you went stiff, your relief dissolving as swiftly as it’d appeared. “I… I don’t know if I should….” You were quick to trail off, to avert your eyes as your thoughts turned towards self-preservation. Keigo could already hear sirens in the distance, but he wanted to be selfish for just a little longer. Just a few more seconds, before he went back to being your concerned friend. Just your concerned friend, unfortunately. “Would that be safe?”

Of course not. He’d wrecked the place, breaking every window and decimating every lock, but you didn’t know that yet, so neither did he.

Rather than giving you a reassuring answer, Keigo only pulled away, moving to cup your cheek. “I mean, I should check it out first. That might take all night, though, and there’s something wrong, we’ll be lucky to finish this week,” He explained, watching your expression darken, clouding over with something between blind fear and impending dread. “But, I don’t know if I’d be able to focus with you in some shitty, unguarded hotel, either. And…” He let himself trail off before breaking into a small smile. Not disarming, but soothing. Just softened enough to encourage you to do the same. “You know I always have room for you back at my place. Only if you trust me to take care of you, of course.”

You barely hesitated before falling into him, wrapping your arm around his neck as you buried your face in his chest, words of appreciation mixing with cracked, half-choked sobs. Keigo welcomed it. Why wouldn’t he?

He was your knight in shining armor, your valiant protector. And you were his rock, his routine, the one thing that kept him sane. He deserved a little praise every now and then, didn’t he? And besides, he had to take advantage of his oh-so-heroic image while he could.

He doubted you'll be so grateful, once you find out just how much he’s done to keep you by his side.

[thegoldenlily]

The lack of accountability in the books has always been my problem with Adrian. Adrian tells Sydney he did things for the wrong reasons when he was with Rose, true, but he never owns up to being abusive to Rose. Rose did cheat on him, but the books highlighted that as a bad thing; Adrian acted entitled to her love then subsequently emotionally abused and manipulated her into thinking she wasn't fair to him so she would stay with him. And no one even confronted him about that in either series.

Honestly, that is more than fair. I love VA and BL and I do love Richelle, I could never have created the worlds she has, but I do find a lot of things with the books frustrating. The lack of accountability is definitely one of them!

Adrian was not a good guy in VA. I have a post explaining why I believe he acts the way he does in VA, what he's experienced to put him into the mindset he is in. It is not at all a justification for his actions, just something I think may give some more understanding to his character. This being said, it disappointed me that he and Rose rekindle a friendship by the end of TRC but we never get to see the apology and discussion that lead to that. I personally prefer to live in my Chaotic Duo AU where Rose and Adrian were only ever friends, but in the actual series I would have liked to see some accountability, like you mentioned.

I think it can be so difficult when dealing with characters who have suffered abuse (both Rose and Adrian). They both needed professional help and therapy to work through their respective PTSD and mental health challenges. I like to imagine that both Rose and Adrian did get the help they needed and are actively working on themselves, and this lead to a mutual discussion between them where Adrian apologized for his actions but also recognized Rose has every right not to forgive him and that she has done him a courtesy by hearing him out.

Of course, Rose also did manipulative things back to Adrian. They were both very toxic for each other and towards each other. But when we think about the context, Rose is a freshly turned 18 year old woman who has suffered a major trauma and when she comes back from Russia, she has survived a long period of abuse at the hands of (a different version of) her former lover and mentor. That context is important. Rose was not in the headspace for a relationship, Adrian was gross for trying (gross is an understatement). I don't think it's ever directly said but I feel Rose kind of uses Adrian as a distraction, something to take her mind off of her traumas and try to refocus? Then when Dimitri comes back and rejects her, I think she keeps up with Adrian because of that trauma and distraction and also...it would feel nice to feel wanted.

LS came out in 2010, I think TRC came out in 2015. Honestly, there was not a lot of talk in mainstream media about therapy, mental health, or trauma at this time. I have noticed in recent years that the casual discussion of mental health, therapy, etc has astronomically increased. It's amazing to see. Popular media is now including these important things in story. It's normal for shows and books to discuss mental health nowadays, it wasn't even a few short years ago. I think in the books there is a very gaping need for further exploration of mental health. It's unsatisfying to not see it addressed, but I guess I can understand some of the context of the time when these books did come out.

I think if VA and BL were written today they would be very different books, which isn't a bad thing. I think there'd be more freedom to explore the mental health aspects.

All of this is boiling down to me essentially saying that Adrian, I truly believe, needed to receive professional mental health help and therapy. I think that would've helped him unpack his actions and finally take real responsibility for his decisions and his words.

I think he should've been confronted, but I'm not sure if he'd truly be able to digest anything until he received the help he needs.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

oooh, sad murdoc hours?

Something that really gets me is how little it takes Murdoc to go back to his "on my own" mindset. He doesn't expect anything from anyone. Not a lending hand, not a place to stay, not someone to fall back on.

He'd walk to a motel, drunk, through alleyways, before asking Stu to call him a taxi for their room. Just because... Well, he'll get there eventually on his own.

In The Lost Chord, when the portal shut, Murdoc wasted no time longing for something to save him. He just looked at the burning island, and realized, he'd have to find a way out of it. He'd get out eventually.

That's an interesting way of putting it and gives an interesting perspective into those few brief moments in The Lost Chord!

I agree that Murdoc, in his natural instinct to cut and run, is also quick to cast off the idea of relying on anything, and for better or worse he's assured through experience in his ability to survive and fend for himself. I love how we get these stories of the band splitting up between phases-- it's maybe less sweet that way, but I prefer that, I think it gives a good insight into who they are on their own and how they individually find a path again. This is veering off Murdoc talk but it's notable to me how independent three of them were, working to accomplish something or to disappear in another life... no points for guessing which one went back to his parents and worked a paid-for-dust job and seemed happier than ever to make the responsibility go away. Anyway! The fact that Murdoc took off right after phase one with their money, dropped off the grid and landed himself in legal trouble in a far-flung foreign country (...Mexico is of course not far flung to a lot of us, but considering they were living in Essex at the time, it's not exactly a rail trip) is just such a great detail, not only for the scumminess and humor but the insight into his instincts. Just go. Burn bridges. Start over. Fuck it up like you always do. Burn more bridges. You can always do it over again.

I also agree that Murdoc is never one to call for a ride-- living his 20s throughout squatting residences in London and gradually getting further and further out, I think he probably grew very used to walking tens of miles on an average day, minus the nights he was, unfortunately, drink driving. Realistically there should have been a time when he lost his license, but considering he kept it after hitting Stu and was therefore able to put the injured man through another traumatic car crash with even less punishment, I guess we're assuming Murdoc's got a golden license. Let's just say that's happened after DUIs before, though-- I can't see Murdoc ever calling on the folks he associated with as he didn't really consider them friends, and his role in so many of their "meet ups" was providing wheels. I don't know that he'd consciously assign that as a "job" to himself and therefore a purpose for being around these people, but at least subconsciously, I'd never imagine him making a call for a ride when he can walk it. Once he's established more of a relationship with the band, and especially with Stu, the reluctance to call takes on a certain gloomy defensiveness that I don't think he'd consciously recognize. He'd never think about it because it's such an immediate negative, it's not a possibility in his mind; but if he then thought about why he'd never think of it, it would be difficult not to observe something distrustful, insecure, antisocial or otherwise unattractively reminiscent of his upbringing and how it shaped his personality. He'd rather never look directly in the mirror, so I don't think he'd let himself think about it at all. He'd just start walking.

(A general aside: as time goes on and the fandom gets deader I feel a little less nervous about like... stepping on toes by not being kind enough to The Lost Chord's video; still not holding anything against anyone for loving it and I'm glad for those it was cathartic to, but I feel a little freer to say for me and my headcanon, I fully reject the video as a fever dream, haha.)