#but are they the same show in slightly different fonts

[5ellaal5]

Here. The excerpt of this Fix-It Fic chapter with most of the flirting skipped.

This takes place after Singularity, after Burning Shores has started and Aloy’s companions disappear and leave data nodes for her.

It was inspired by the OP’s sentiment being shared by @fogsblue to give credit where credit is due.

Setting: Kotallo stops in at the Base and finds Erend already there doing some air guitar to [Travis Tate’s] death metal music videos/holos.

———————————

They were about to head out when Kotallo paused. Something about the Death Metal video had bothered him.

“Erend, would you bring up your music’s image once more. Uh, with the volume down. Just for a moment.”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Kotallo stepped beside and slightly behind him, looking over his shoulder. Erend glanced at him with his eyes only, holding his face still, seeming to hold his breath.

Kotallo pointed, reaching around him. “Are those… subtitles?”

“Yeah! It’s helpful to read the lyrics. I love the screaming, but I like to know what I’m screaming, ya know?”

Kotallo squinted.

“Why are they so small? And what is that font?”

“Small…? Font…? What are you talking about?”

Kotallo leaned in further, resting his chest against Erends shoulder to try to see, trying to avoid stabbing him with his neck spikes.

“Hmmm. Can you bring up a text file? Just something simple. Maybe a data point from around the Base or one of those messages people leave each other in ruins.”

“Uh, ok.” Erend manhandled some Focus gestures, and chose a text file at random.

Kotallo squinted again, leaning forward again. He looked at the file name, and then stepped to Erend’s side, opened his Focus’ display with the publicly-visible setting, and found the same file. The text was much larger, in a clear font, with ample line spacing.

Erend’s eyes looked back and forth between the two displays and then he abruptly shut his Focus display off so he could stare at Kotallo. “Hey, what? Is that the same file!? Why does yours look so different?!”

Kotallo closed his as well and stared back at his uncertain friend, who was so often putting down his own ability to read or make sense of things. How to offer help, delicately?

“Hmmm…”

“That’s all you’ve got for me, you brooding Tenakth? ‘Hmmm ?’”

Kotallo waved a hand for patience.

“When I first arrived, some of the Focus gestures needed two hands with normal settings. GAIA showed me how to adjust ‘Accessibility Settings’ so that I could use it with only one hand. She also directed me to particular ‘fonts’ because I would mix up the same glyphs over and over as I was learning to read. Something called, oh, what was it…?”

GAIA’s voice sounded between their Focuses’ speakers. “ I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘dyslexia-friendly fonts .’”

“Yes! That was it! Thank you, GAIA. Here, Erend. Let me see if I can lead you to these settings. Open the main menu and then go to Focus settings… Further down. Oh, wait, your menu is shorter. Maybe… there?”

Erend followed Kotallo’s gestures, with some help since the menu lengths were so different between the two displays and Erend’s display text was so very small and in a strange font that looked like handwritten Carja glyphs made with a leaky pen.

With his metal hand on his shoulder, Kotallo helped him pick a font that was easy to read, and switched it a few times to make sure Erend’s choice worked in multiple contexts, and set it to default. Changed the screen’s view size and taught him how to temporarily zoom in on a text file. They even experimented with shifting the saturation of the text display light until Erend said it wasn’t hurting his eyes as much.

Erend looked delighted.

Kotallo felt a little ill.

He had overheard Erend talking to Aloy on many occasions about how much trouble he was having learning to read and understanding the content, and the glyphs causing headaches, and it had never occurred to him to not take the man’s own beliefs about his stupidity at face value and just look at the damn settings. What kind of a friend believed their friend’s self-criticism?

Varl was also Erend’s friend. And Zo? Aloy knew him the best; why didn’t she…? Oh, but at that point, she was relying on GAIA to train everyone because she was almost never there, and everyone else was learning the Focus from the very beginning. Aloy had to believe what her team reported to her, when she stopped in, and her team was all doing their best.

Kotallo had gotten help from GAIA and Beta with ‘accessibility,’ and had received Aloy’s special attention for making his metal arm, and rebuilding his trust in himself, because his main impediment was physical and obvious.

But during Kotallo’s first days here, he’d had trouble with swapping glyphs, confusing words, having them blur before his eyes or fade into the environment behind him, causing headaches, as Erend might have been having this whole time. GAIA had talked about ‘dyslexia’ but also about past head injuries affecting reading, and that was an injury they likely both shared.

But unlike Erend, Kotallo had been shown how to make adjustments right away, and then knew it was possible to ask for a change. It had only impeded him for a few days at most, and after that he hadn’t been taking it personally when new but similar challenges slowed him down.

He shook his head in dismay and also awe.

Once Erend had closed the menus, looking stunned at how easy it was now that he’d made the font size match his fingertips for better precision, Kotallo spoke.

“Erend, you are one of the smartest people I know.”

“What?! What in the Forge’s tool chest are you talking about?!”

Kotallo just kept shaking his head, amazed.

“You learned everything we all did. But it was if you were learning to fight swinging a warhammer the size of a cart, rather than a practice wooden one. And you did it —you learned it— all the same.”

Erend looked even more stunned. He blinked.

“I did?”

He looked down. Quirked a smile. Huffed a laugh.

“I did!”

Kotallo slapped him on the shoulder and gripped where his hand landed. “Truly, you walk in strength, Oseram.”

Erend looked back up at him, still apparently amazed, and a few other things besides. Then firmed up his expression.

“Hey, we should still go hunting. A couple of us battle-hardened ancient tech experts, forging into the wilds, should have no trouble bringing down a brace of pigeons. Otherwise I’m going to get all emotional.”

Kotallo smirked. It seemed none of Aloy’s friends particularly enjoyed having many feelings. “Agreed.”

Erend in Forbidden West

maybe controversial opinion again but another thing i've noticed so far in Forbidden West is that they lowkey kinda butchered Erend...

idk if anyone else feels this way, i never see it talked about, but i swear to god he didn't used to be so one-dimensional. Again i'm only halfway through the game so there's hope for change, but i recently rewatched the Ersa mission in ZD and it just made me realise how he used to have so much character outside of just "haha funny dumb alcoholic", and that seems to be all he is in the second game (so far). I'm sooo sick of hearing constant jokes about how he's stupid, clumsy, drunk and annoying, as if that's all he is when i swear he didn't used to be. Sure there were jokes about him being a drunk in Zero Dawn too but it wasn't the majority of his character! They can have him be the comic relief character without making that ALL he is 😭 i'm honestly really really hoping we get more serious scenes with him to cancel this out... justice for Erend man, he's supposed to be more than that.

[bigassbowlingballhead]

star trek is just american doctor who. the captain is the doctor, the crew is the companion(s). they travel through space/time helping people while getting themselves into silly little situations. there's decades of lore. every handful of years they reboot with a new cast and keep the story going.

[owenhcrper]

Sam Campbell in Taskmaster - Series 16

[snowangeldotmp3]

i am fighting the urge to rewatch wandavision so bad right now yall. I CANNOT DO THIS TODAY

[here-there-be-fics]

All of this!

The choppy halfbaked ideas and emergencies! The dropping of story arcs halfway through like a toddler done with their snack! The twists that simply don't fit anywhere and contradict storylines and characters! The use and abuse of characters and actors for drama that doesn't even satisfy!

I get that this is a procedural drama/soap opera but we're at season 8 and it's writing itself into knots and repeating the same stories with a slightly different font. They'll have nowhere to go soon, if they don't get cancelled, actors WILL eventually leave for other things and people probably won't even be that sad they'll be relieved to have something actually change for once.

Let the stories fucking breathe for more than a second. Let things run their course. Stop pulling tired story fragments from years ago for no reason and detriment to the current and past stories.

In the age of cancelled shows, I won't be surprised when this one dies.

i'm gonna be a ranty bitch for a minute.

tbh i'm turned off even reading new buddie fic despite being a multishipper and have unfollowed a bunch of buddie accounts because i'm sick of the smug attitudes. one ask that i am otherwise not going to publish or respond to ended with 'sorry you don't understand media literacy bestie :)' fuck off. listen INFANT, i have been writing fanfic and original fic AND watching, reading and analyzing queer media since before you were born, i understand how character and story development works, and i know the difference between 'storyline i personally disliked' and 'bad writing.' this was BOTH, and it also was marketed to us as 'carefully crafted bi rep' and 'queer love story that is not about a bunch of pain and conflict FOR ONCE' so we have every right to be upset at the bait-and-switch.

the fact that i'm seeing the same exact posts - 'bt bones buddie CANON' that i saw three seasons ago after the bucktaylor breakup, or every time they thought buck and taylor MIGHT break up - says something. the fact that so many fans seem genuinely convinced (STILL!) that buddie is inevitable because there have been so many 'signs,' and then they rattle off a convoluted theory that would make the most hardcore taylor swift stan say 'wow, that's a bit of a reach,' honestly weirded me out a little when i first joined the 911 fandom. i have never been in a fandom where so many fans are insistent that their ship will be - not might be or could be, but WILL be - canon. i am skeptical both from past experience with other shows mishandling queer storylines or ship-baiting, and tim minnear's proven track record with this one of not really knowing what to do with buck's LI's. but i didn't want to yuck anybody's yum, so i let them have their theories and squee in peace, and unfollowed or blocked certain tags if i was seeing too much of it and getting annoyed. it's too out there for me, but i'm glad they're having fun!

yet they can't give us the same courtesy. they deride us as delusional for thinking that a canon pairing that was presented to us both in promo and the show itself as different and important (eg the bobby approval convo and 'buck getting off the hamster wheel') might last, and we're stupid to have ever liked tommy or lou or be disappointed at how the breakup was written, and if we point out the biphobia it's just sour grapes.

the bucktommy breakup is not the first time 911 has started out strong with an interesting storyline and fumbled it in the 4th quarter either because the writers got bored or in the name of needless drama/a 'gotcha' sudden twist. amir & bobby, eddie's fight club arc, the sperm donor SL, hen vs councilwoman ortiz, whatever the hell is going on with harry, the whole mess with shannon/kim, just to name a few. and especially the past couple of seasons, for me since 6b, the pacing has been off. they seem to have too much happening at once and many of the storylines don't have enough room to breathe to be narratively satisfying, or they get resolved in ways that feel lackluster.

if the toxic buddie stans who have been attacking lou on sm and sending death threats (wtf!) actually get what they want, which i admit is possible, but it's certainly not guaranteed….i don't know why they think the writers won't fumble that just as badly. it's not going to happen precisely the way they want it to because it is impossible to please everybody, that's what fanfic is for. but at this point i have zero faith that it would even be well done at all, and zero trust in the writers not to just sabotage or regress a character for funsies, and that's an excellent reason to stop watching the show. in most of my other fandoms i regard canon as a jumping-off point or a blurry outline at best, and i can have just as much fun in the 911 sandbox without any further input from canon at all, once i'm less angry.

[nateconnolly]

[Image ID:

A picture that says “A student once asked anthropologist Margaret Mead, “What is the earliest sign of civilization? The student expected her to say a clay pot, a grinding stone, or maybe a weapon. 

Margaret Mead thought for a moment, then she said, “A healed femur.”

The second picture is a news headline. It is bolded and a much larger font. “27-year-old who couldn’t afford $1,200 insulin copay dies after trying cheaper version.”

The third picture is the same font and size as the Margaret Mead quote. It’s a continuation. It says, “A femur is the longest bone in the body, linking hip to knee. In societies without the benefits of modern medicine, it takes about six weeks of rest for a fractured femur to heal. A healed femur shows that someone cared for the injured person, did their hunting and gathering, stayed with them, and offered physical protection and human companionship until the injury could mend.” 

The fourth picture is another headline. It is in a large and bolded type. “Dying man who couldn’t afford to go to hospital after vomiting blood"

The fifth picture is a screenshot of the Margaret Mead story.

Mead explained that where the law of the jungle—the survival of the fittest—rules, no healed femurs are found. The first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur. 

The next screenshot is of a slightly different font. The letters are pointier and the lines are a little curvier. It says, “Susan Finley returned to her job at a Walmart retail store in Grand Junction Colorado, after having to call in sick because she was recovering from pneumonia.

The day after she returned, the fifty three  year old received her ten year associate award — and was simultaneously laid off, according to her family. She had taken off one day beyond what is permitted by Walmart’s attendance policy.

After losing her job in May 2016, Finley also lost her health insurance coverage and struggled to find a new job. Three months later, Finley was found dead in her apartment after avoiding going to see a doctor for flu-like symptoms. 

A screenshot of a bold, bigger headline. It says ‘The house always wins’: Insurers’ record profits.

A final screenshot of smaller text with a slightly gray background. It says “We are at our best when we serve others. Be civilized.” /end ID.] 

[dakotadraws06]

Ep 1 of over analyzing Mordecai’s character/Talking about things I missed in my original read through of the comic.

I wanna talk about Mordecai desperation in the Gracie interrogation because I noticed a small detail about the speech bubbles that no one else (that I’ve seen) has said before.

Look at the way Mordecai’s second bubble is written. The way the letters seem more spaced out and the text is slightly off. I’m not sure if it’s a completely different font or it’s the same font, just changed.

“That’s how you live through tonight.” You can almost hear (and visually see) the grit in his teeth as he stares down at Gracie. His desperation. His NEED for answers being in his grasp and if he doesn’t get them now, he may never again. It happens again in another panel.

“A Name, Please.” Gracie isn’t reading the room correctly, Mordecai knows if the twins catch him, they will most likely both be dead (or at least Gracie will be). He NEEDS a name, same grit and desperation. The way Gracie spits out Drago’s name quickly because he realizes how serious this is just by Mordecai’s tone. Mordecai wants a name so in the worst case scenario Gracie is killed, he has the information he needs. But also, he’s desperate for answers to Atlas’s death. At the point of these scenes, it’s been a year and some time since Atlas died. I can imagine Mordecai is running out of steam, loose end after loose end, road block after road block, it’s exhausting both mentally and physically. He is RISKING HIS LIFE for this information, Gracie says so in this conversation. But we get to see that exhausted side of him too.

LOOK AT THOSE EYES. His posture, the hand his hand rests in his fur, his eyebrows furrowed. He. is. tired. It’s no wonder why he is asking help from Gracie cause he’s been doing this alone for the better part of a year and some change.

I’m so confident that he is thinking about all the possible outcomes and consequences that will come from even getting a PINCH of trust out to Gracie, which is why he doesn’t go along with his plan. But Mordecai sort of switches up on him.

“Gimme a name, anything you want, I’ll let my informant know I KNOW it was Marigold who killed Atlas May, then I’ll disappear like the dead.” (Not the exact words, a vague memory of it)

“Give me the name of your lawyer and I’ll make sure you stay alive tonight.”

Gracie is putting his life in Mordecai’s hands because I’m sure Gracie can see he’s desperate and knows if he gives him a bullshit answer, Gracie would most likely die by Mordecai’s hands.

Mordecai is exhausted. Mordecai is desperate for a good lead and some answers. And Tracy has done a FANTASTIC job at showing it through this entire interrogation.

[doublechocolate]

Haibara dissecting Conan/Shinichi like he's some kind of experiment ksjksjf

I think it was around this time when I started to seriously ship them. Haibara, at this stage, was still given the "cold and mysterious" status of a character but the story didn't shy away from showing us how her empathy extended beyond her own needs. She was well aware of Conan/Shinichi's pain, and also Ran's, because she finds herself to be in that same position as them, and has gone through layers of her own emotional turmoil by this point to recognize this.

But more than that, it's blatantly obvious here that if there's anyone who can understand Conan, it's her. There's a level of understanding between them that's deep and personal. And yes, Conan has that with others too, you can argue that, but what he has with Haibara is slightly different. You see, their "friendship" was born out of pain and trauma. They were each others' "doom", in a sense. Haibara created the APTX4869 drug while Conan failed to save Akemi. They saw the sides of each other that others haven't and had to learn to trust each other in their own way. Slowly, they grew to understand one another and from doom, they became each others' hope.

(Long rambling under cut)

There are many instances of Conan being able to understand Haibara's thoughts by merely watching her actions but to me, the one that stood out the most was none other than m26 Black Iron Submarine (not canon to you but canon to me) when they were underwater and Haibara is about let Conan's hand go but he pulls her back up. The entire conversation takes place inside their heads yet they knew exactly what each other was saying. Remember that post I made about them being drift-compatible?

That's why I think Conan is still unaware just how big of a presence Haibara is in his life. He came close to that in m26 but with Pinga, BO and Haibara's kidnapping, he didn't exactly have the time to sit and ponder over it. Surely people (non-shippers) would chalk it up to you, "aakchuallyyyy he just needs her for the antidote". But... are you sure? Are you really, really sure that that's all he is to her? Is that all you understand about Conan/Shinichi as a character? Even Takayama Minami and Hayashibara Megumi commented on how Conan losing his cool and becoming short-tempered when Haibara got kidnapped was unusual of him. In their opinion, the only reason why Conan calmed down was because of Agasa and how the Prof almost risked doing something reckless to save Haibara. Only then Conan realized he needed to remain calm to keep Agasa in check.

And also, Haibara noticed Pinga and Vodka's presence in the hotel first but Conan only noticed when Haibara was in danger. His train of thought literally went; something happened to Haibara -> it's the Organization -> oh shit they've taken her. Like, hello?? Excuse me?? What is this soulmate-level telepathy going on here right in front of my salad??

I've ~kinda~ mentioned this before in a passing before, but CoAi lowkey reminds me of SyaoSaku (from CCS) but in a different font - a more painful and (perhaps) tragic one. Haibara being Syaoran's counterpart, and Conan being Sakura's counterpart. Example; Sakura's infatuation for Yukito was loud and out there, literally everyone knew about it too (Conan/Shinichi with Ran). Meanwhile, Sakura's love for Syaoran was already growing quietly within her. She was showing signs of it but was too distracted to realize it, until the time came when Syaoran was going to leave Japan and return to Hong Kong. All of a sudden it hit her like a train that it was too painful to let him go (Conan/Shinichi with Haibara/Shiho).

This is why I'm convinced that when all of this is over, Conan will have to face the reality of just what Haibara means to him. It doesn't matter if Aoyama doesn't want to explore this, or chooses to address this in a different way. It's his story, he can do what he wants. But personally for me? I know Conan simply cannot go back to his original life as Kudou Shinichi anymore. He's too far changed, forced to recognize the grayness in a world he deemed black and white, empathize with people he would have classified as "criminals" in the past, and live a life of white lie even it meant hurting the people he cared for the most - in short, Conan/Shinichi simply cannot go back to being the same person he was before Tropical Land. And the one person we know for sure who will be able to understand him despite all of this, is Haibara.

I saw a comment once saying that CoAi/ShinShi are supplementary and wouldn't work. I disagree because I think they are more of a narrative foil. Haibara's existence in Conan's life taught him that he isn't invincible (failure to save Akemi) and that not everyone from the Black Organization are cold-blooded assassins. Haibara had her life and freedom stolen from her. Conan, otoh, taught Haibara to live. To not run away from life and to learn to trust people again. All the important people in life left her at some point, but Conan was the only one who kept coming back for her when she chose to give up, holding her hand as tightly as he can.

Conan, the boy who has everything. Haibara, the girl who lost everything. Conan, the boy who keeps trying to dig deeper into the viper's nest. Haibara, the girl who has lived in the viper's nest trying to pull him back from diving further. Conan, the boy who wants to keep tempting fate to save his friends. Haibara, the girl who is willing to die to save her friends. Conan, the boy who thinks his actions of holding back his love is immature. Haibara, the girl who understands his pain enough to know he is anything but. Conan, the boy whose life changed because of the drug Haibara created but in a way also saved his life (Gin chose to not shoot him in the head but fed him the drug instead). Haibara, the girl who lost her sister because Conan couldn't save her but now he'd do anything to make sure she stays alive.

Whether you ship them or not, or see them merely as friends, you can't deny that they play huge roles in each other's lives. We know that when the end comes, Haibara will be willing to let Conan go. She might have already prepared herself for this, even, because Ran is the last person she'd want to hurt at this point. Her resemblance to Akemi is too strong now and she knows Ran adores her a lot too. And from that scene above, we know Haibara feels the same pain Ran and Conan/Shinichi are going through.

But. Will Conan be able to do the same? Can he simply let go of Haibara and return to his old life? Even if Haibara/Shiho does remain in his life, when the dust is settled, can he truly move on from the person whom he has experienced so many life and death encounters with, and in a way, shaped him into becoming the person he is today?

We know the love is one-sided now because we're almost always seeing it from Haibara/Shiho's perspective. But how can we be so sure that something isn't growing deep down in Conan/Shinichi's heart too? If it's something subtle and quiet like the flap of a butterfly's wings now, eventually growing into something that could literally change the course of his life?

If you understand Conan/Shinichi as a person, beyond the shipping lenses, then I think the answer is already obvious.

"It's not cause the creator said so. They're just friends and Shinichi already confessed to someone else". Okay, like I said, the creator can do whatever he wants with his story. I AM choosing to read between the lines based on what that same creator has presented to us. I'm also always reminded of the Akai/Jodie/Akemi love story and how that panned out. I'm saying, things can happen because feelings are complex and sometimes you go through experiences in life that changes you inside out. Both Akai and Conan have had their lives stained by the Black Organization.

Not to mention that, in terms of their personalities, CoAi/ShinShi's relationship are quite a stark parallel to Yuusaku and Yukiko's relationship as well. What Conan/Shinichi needs is someone who can match his level of eccentricity yet at the same time call him out when his head floats too high in the clouds. Haibara is that person. And the best part about it is she didn't even have to change herself to match him - that's pretty much her personality already. Fitting in exactly like a puzzle piece.

Anyway, this is long-winded already. i'll stop rambling here. Also, if this breaches containment and reaches a non-shipper/anti and you have something negative to say, please do me a favor and be a mature person. Leave this post and let's both live in peace.

Love you, CoAi nation, bye!

[le-fruit-de-la-passion]

Shigaraki Kinktober - Day 2 - Licking and Blackmail

A gust of wind hits you in the face as you open the heavy metal door, the difference in temperature outside the school making you shiver. The rooftop isn’t supposed to be accessible to students, but it's a rule even most faculty seem content to ignore. The smokers and slackers will often hang out here, to enjoy the fresh air and the view. But there's never anyone there so early in the morning.

You stare down at your phone, re-reading the mysterious text for the hundredth time:

[Unknown: school rooftop. 6:00AM. dont be late, or ull regret it]

You look around the empty roof, clutching your free hand around your skirt. Through the metal fencing, you can see the dark autumn sky, the sun barely peaking through gray clouds. It's eerily silent, with the sounds of the barely waking city so far down below you.

If you screamed, you wonder if anyone would hear you.

“Hello?” you ask hesitantly, voice more hesitant than you would have liked. Could it have been just a prank?

“Hey.”

The raspy voice coming so close from behind you makes you jump, and you stumble quickly to turn around, taking a few steps back.

The guy behind you is tall, impressively so.

Instead of the school's mandatory blazer, he's wearing a plain black hoodie which seems much too large for his frame, with a few grayed-out stains on the sleeves. His hair is shaggy and messy, a light periwinkle, but what really strikes you are his eyes: they're red, a bright crimson that feels like it could burn holes through your skin just with the way he looks at you.

“Took you long enough,” he comments, visibly annoyed, “I was starting to think you weren't going to show up.”

You've seen him a couple of times before. He has the same math class as you, always sitting far in the back. You remember he pointedly ignores all your teacher’s attempts at making him answer questions, and that's only when he actually comes to class. Is he trying to confess a crush on you? You’d have to be nice and careful rejecting him, he seems a little… unpredictable.

There is one issue though.

You can't remember his name for the life of you.

He seems to notice the lack of recognition on your face, and gives you an odd, stretched-out smile, like he had expected it.

“Can't remember my name, can you?” he taunts you slightly, one hand going inside his pants pocket to pull out his phone. A small, tiny red charm is hanging from it, the words ‘I AM HERE’ written in a bold font. “That's too bad. It's Shigaraki. Tomura Shigaraki. Don't worry, you'll remember.”

He unlocks his phone with a practiced, lazy motion, scrolling through a photo app without a care in the world. You manage to stay silent for a few seconds, until you decide you can’t handle the strange tension emanating from him:

“Why am I-” you start.

“Shut up,” he immediately cuts you off, not looking up from his screen. “You always talk all the time. With the teachers, with your friends, with random NPCs. Always have your hand up to yap about something,” he complains, clicking his tongue. “That stops today.”

Whatever protest or retort you had for him dies in your throat the second he shows you the picture on his screen.

It's you.

It's you, but… Not a photo of you anyone was ever supposed to see.

You swallow with difficulty, looking at him, then back at the picture, and finally back at him.

“How… did you get this?” you ask, feeling panic rise in your mind. You breathe slowly, trying to look as calm as possible.

“Does it matter ?” he counters, the crooked smile back on his lips. You hadn't noticed how dry they are, the flesh pale and cracking. “I have it. It would take me about…”

He pretends to count on his fingers, like he's talking to a child.

“1.7 seconds to send this to everyone at school. Maybe 1.9 to everyone you know.”

It's getting harder and harder to breathe. He's still showing you the picture, the image taunting you without mercy.

“Please…” you begin, tears pooling at the corner of your eyes. But the man's ruby eyes are devoid of any pity, the grin hanging on his lips triumphant. “What do you want?” you end up whispering.

“Nothing much,” he shrugs, putting the phone back in his pocket, like it doesn't contain the weight of your entire existence in it. “Nothing you don't already give to others for free.”

The implication doesn't hit as much as it should. It's cold, so cold. You wish he had done this anywhere else.

“This- this would ruin my life, no one else can see it,” you beg slowly, your bottom lip trembling. The wind picks up again, going through your blouse with ease like the edge of a knife. You feel cold, exposed, and oh-so wholeheartedly desperate. “I’ll do anything.”

“Good,” he comments, his voice a few octaves deeper. The smile is gone. “Then start by shutting the fuck up.”

In an instant, he has your back pinned to him, a surprisingly strong arm restricting you at the waist. You bite back a scream of surprise, letting him handle you like a puppet. He hums behind you, seemingly pleased by your reaction. His body is so close to yours you can feel the warmth of his breath on your neck.

“That's a good girl,” he compliments in a mockingly light tone. It feels like he's talking to a dog.

His lips touch your neck, the ghost of a kiss, and you let out a small whimper. You know where this was going, now, and something in you had known since he showed you the picture, but you hadn't wanted to believe it. The smallest of tears falls down your cheeks, and you hope he doesn't notice.

But evidently, he does.

“Come on,” he groans, grip on your waist still tight, like he thinks you might try to run away. Where would you even go? “You don't cry when other guys do this to you. I know, I've seen you. Why do you cry when I do it?”

The chilling remark causes alarm in your mind: how long had he been watching for you for? How, where, when?

You can't let the thoughts continue before his lips are back on you, more firmly this time, right at the intersection where your shoulder and neck meet. His hair tickles your chin, oddly softer than you would have expected. It tickles a little.

Once he seems content with his positioning, you feel the tip of his tongue start caressing your skin, slow and curious at first, like a cat drinking milk. But as you twitch under his grip, he gets faster, bolder, like he's trying to devour your flesh. And you can't help it, can't help but lean closer to the feel of his warm tongue on your skin like a desperate whore, craving anything other than the harsh wind on your face.

“That's it”, he mutters in the crook of your neck, “fuck, yeah, that's it…”

He shifts a little, and you feel how hard he is behind you, clothed cock shoved against your ass.

You start to pull away when you hear him use his free hand to pull down his zipper.

“No, wait, Shigaraki-”

“Relax,” he says plainly, his arm not budging a single inch despite your struggle. “I'm not a fucking monster. I'll just take care of this.”

The words do little to reassure you, but you settle down once more, letting him pull his pants down behind you. When he brings you flush against his chest again, you feel his naked cock rub against your uniform skirt. But he doesn't do anything further; instead, his mouth goes back to your neck, and sucks on the same spot he's been abusing for what feels like hours. You let out a moan, less of pain, and more of a very unwelcomed pleasure. He groans at that, and you can feel his free hand moving up and down his shaft, quick and rough.

He licks you like a starved man, like you're the last thing on Earth he'll ever taste. It's messy, wet, a trail of saliva gliding down your back, and every now and then he'll bite with teeth sharper than an animal’s. And it's warm, so delightfully warm in this freezing autumn morning you can't help but bring yourself even closer to him and moan approvingly.

It doesn't take long before he's close, groaning and grunting inaudible words under his breath. You can't be sure, but it sounds like he's repeating “good girl” over and over, like a mantra. One last pump behind you and he cums in his hand, mouth gripped on your collarbone like a vice. It takes him a moment to stop panting and collect himself, and you absentmindedly think this must be the first time he's done anything like this with another person.

You fall to your knees the second he lets you go, not having realized how much you had relied on the support of his body. Your legs feel like putty, your skin like it's on fire.

A hand reaches out to you, and you look up in surprise. He doesn't look directly at you, suddenly strangely bashful when considering what he had been doing seconds prior. You take his hand, slender fingers wrapping around yours to bring you up.

“Thanks,” he says, and it's all so odd, because why is he thanking you now? You didn't exactly stay here out of the kindness of your heart.

“You're welcome,” you reply awkwardly. You realize with some surprise you're still holding his hand, and you let it go. It feels oddly empty.

“Be back here tomorrow. 6 am still.”

He could remind you of the picture, of what's at stake here; but he doesn't. Instead, he puts his hoodie back on and heads towards the door to the inside. He stops at the last second, throwing you one last look with those eerie eyes of his:

“You should probably go change before class starts. You got some on your skirt.”

And just like that, he's gone, and you're alone on the rooftop again. Your mind can only muster a single thought as you stare at the rusty door.

It's cold.

[kimmberleeex]

“I’ll Never Let You Go”

NSFW 18+, DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A MINOR.

TW: smut content, strong language (cunt is used), use of drugs/alcohol, and sensitive topic of self harm and physical abuse, oral (f+m), sex, etc.

** For the reader: The title is based off of a song that came out in 1990 called (you guessed it) “I’ll Never Let You Go” by Steelheart. This is also heavily inspired by an amazing fic written by the talented @unsolved-duvall , go read hers here.

** ALSO, this is fem reader x rockstar Eddie, and the POV switches back and forth between the two. I’ll leave Eddie’s white and the font will be pink for the readers. 🖤 hope you guys enjoy!

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It was 1990, it had been a fucking wild 4 years since Eddie barely graduated high school. Corroded Coffin blew up on the scene, hot and fast, sometimes it still felt like a complete whirlwind. After two sold out tours, a couple records, and some awards later, Eddie felt tired. The crazy lifestyle that he always dreamt about had seemingly become mundane. It was always the same cycle, tour for months at a time, a sold out show every night, the after parties every night, fucking some random groupie — or sometimes a couple if he had the energy. He never realized it would start to feel dull at some point.

Eddie was staring off into his dressing room mirror — it wasn’t that he was full of himself, though his cocky attitude would make you feel differently about him, he was just zoning out while lost in thought. Bringing his lit cigarette up to his lips, he takes a long drag of it. The smoke hugging his lungs while that familiar burning sensation hit the back of his throat, providing that fix of nicotine with a little bit of pain that he desperately needed. A stage manager popped his head in the room, his nasally voice pulling him out of his thoughts but not enough to give the man his full attention.

“5 minutes, Eddie. Then we need you backstage.” Without turning his head towards him, Eddie nonchalantly waves the short man off. The jewelry that dangled off of his wrists jingles slightly at the quick flick of his hand. He takes another long drag of his smoke before smashing the butt into an overfilled ashtray. With a long sigh, he slowly exhales the smoke and watches it swirl around him.

Eddie leans forward over a mirror that sat on the vanity’s counter, staring into his blown out chocolate brown eyes. Almost disappointed with himself as he snorted the white powder that he had already lined up through a little straw. The entire line disappeared as he moved across the reflective surface. Immediately he felt the drugs entering his system, tilting his head back, with a finger pushed up to his nose as the drainage went down his nasal cavity and numbed his throat.

Leaning back in his chair with a cough to clear his throat, he looked under the vanity counter. He gently taps on the back of some blonde girls head. “C’mon, doll. Time’s up.” He sounded uninterested, almost bored. The blonde slowly crawled out from under the counter, Eddie at least held his hand out for her to hold onto while she climbed up to her feet. His other hand already stuffing his half-hard dick back into his tattered jeans.

The girl was just some groupie he happened to pick that was hanging around out back, hoping to get a chance with him. She was pretty enough and was easily throwing herself at him. But he was just bored of the same thing — a desperate girl that hoped she could make him fall in love, or at the very least fuck him and sell the story to the tabloids. He was barely able to stay hard while she desperately tried to suck him off for the last twenty minutes.

She looked defeated and embarrassed, Eddie almost felt pity for her, almost. He pursed his lips together tightly as she stuck around longer than she should have, a look of hesitation and the need to say something on her face. He had an expectant look on his face that said she needed to go. And as if on cue, the head of Eddie’s security, Tommy, came into the room to escort her back to the venue.

He didn’t even look at her as she left, it was just easier that way. Hard to feel bad for the girls he used if he just didn’t pay attention to them and saw them for what they were — a one time, casual fuck. Eddie picked up a whiskey glass that was halfway full of Jack Daniel’s, swirling it around — the alcohol sloshing around the glass’s rim before he shot it down his throat. The alcohol burning the back of his esophagus, making Eddie click his tongue off of the roof of his mouth and exhale hard, his breath hot as hell from the liquor. It felt almost ritualistic at this point.

He rolled his neck, his stiff bones cracking before he rotated his shoulders trying to soothe his sore muscles. After four years of performing nearly every night, you’d think Eddie wouldn’t be nervous but as he pushed himself out of the chair and jumped up and down to get his blood pumping. He was shaking out his arms trying to steel his nerves.

The stage manager comes back, knocking a little more hurriedly before poking his head back in. “Eddie! Now, c’mon!”

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’.” He mumbles under his breath, he follows after the short man as he talks into the headset that rested over his ear.

“I got him, heading backstage now.” The man sounded overly confident, smug. A little man with a little power. Eddie rolled his eyes in annoyance, always being one to defy anyone with an ounce of authority. Balling his fists up into his leather jacket pockets as he continued to follow him backstage where his other bandmates were getting geared up.

Gareth was twirling his drumsticks in between his fingers, hyping himself up. Jeff was standing with a sound tech making sure his bass was in tune as he slings the strap over his shoulder. Another sound tech approaches Eddie with his pride and joy, his Sweetheart. As always, it’s one of the rare times that Eddie’s seemingly permanent scowl softens into a warm smile. Like seeing a loved one after a long absence.

When Eddie puts the familiar, worn-out guitar strap around his neck, it’s like something in him transforms. No longer was he Eddie the Freak of his former past with a giant ball of anger in the pit of his stomach. No, when he put his baby around his neck, he becomes Eddie fucking Munson — rock god. And his ego was as big as his asshole attitude that came with it.

The excited chatter of the crowd filled the arena, Eddie could feel adrenaline pumping through his veins. The overhead lights dimmed in the venue, there was a split second of silence followed by an uproar of screams and applause. Eddie’s heart thundered in his ears in anticipation as he watched his bandmates start onstage, waving to the crowd as they increasingly lost their minds.

Eddie looked up into the rafters as he let out a slow exhale. Finding the nerve to walk out onto the stage, he had a look of steel determination on his face. Once he emerges from backstage, the crowd absolutely loses their shit, the girls going absolutely feral. Without hesitation, Eddie struts to the microphone before letting the first notes of their opening song shred up and down his fretboard. His fingers moving up and down with such ease as he gets lost in the music.

Song after song, the crowd was going wild and was just full of energy. As big of an asshole as Eddie was famed to be, his heart had such a soft spot for those moments on stage that he saw the fans respond so well to his music. In between songs, he could be caught looking down and smiling at his feet. The next song they played was the most sexual song they had to date, the girls always lost their minds — and usually their panties when they’d toss ‘em on stage.

As the panties start flying, Eddie scanned the crowd, smirking at all the girls pushing their way to the front just to get a chance to be seen and gift him their delicates. That’s when his eyes fell on you. There was something about you that captured his attention, even causing him to tilt his head with curiosity. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It almost, almost made him stutter in his performance. However, he was able to save it with no one else noticing. This intrigued Eddie deeply because no girl has ever made him feel like that. He just saw them as fuck toys, just a tool to get off with. Then he’d discard them just as soon as he picked them up. It was easier that way, and he decided that he would do the same with you.

After the song ended, in the silence of getting set up for the next one, Eddie walked over to Tommy who was positioned at the side stage. He points you out and tells him to get you to come backstage afterwards. This wasn’t a totally uncommon request, Eddie would usually just pick one of the groupies already waiting out back that was dying for a chance to get with him or any member of the band if they weren’t what Eddie wanted.

But there was just something that was captivating Eddie’s attention, his eyes kept wandering to you through out the last two songs that they played. As the reverb from the last notes came to a stop, the lights went dark so they could walk off stage. The venue lights turning back on so the crowd could begin their exit.

Eddie went straight to his dressing room, plopping down in his chair. His sweat soaked hair clung to his face, he leaned down and ran the straw over another line of white powder, inhaling it down and leaning his head back a moment to let it seep into his system. Then poured himself some Jack, began swirling it around while trying to appear nonchalant as he awaited for the girl who caught his eye, even though his entire body was buzzing with excitement for the first time in years.

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Every nerve ending of yours was buzzing with excitement as you got ready for the Corroded Coffin concert. Saving up for months so that you could afford a ticket while working your ass off at a shitty bar waiting tables. Where the men would try to grab your ass, or take you home at the end of every night. Always providing unwanted attention that made your skin crawl.

But this was your birthday present to yourself, you were finally going to see your favorite band. You had moved to NYC a year ago to try and kickstart your aspiring acting career. You were virtually all alone, your only ‘family’ was not supportive of your aspirations. Which gave you the mentality of: “fuck it. I’ll do it my damn self,” with a big middle finger to the universe as you chased your dreams.

Being such a stubborn person with a firecracker attitude was something that you both loved and hated that was inherited from your ‘father’, if you could call him that. You always called him a glorified sperm donor since he never did much to raise you and he drove your mother away when you were a child. He was a drinker and always took the anger that your mother had left him with, out on you.

“Never gonna amount to shit. Running away , just like your bitch of a mother. Good fucking riddance. Won’t be here when you fall flat on your stupid face.” Those were the words that your father left you with before he slammed the door in your face. They were echoing through out your thoughts as you zoned out in the mirror. You shake the parasitic thoughts out of your head as soon as they entered. Feeling determined to have a good time for your birthday, and not wanting to let your daddy issues ruin what you worked so hard for.

Watching yourself in the mirror as you smoothed your hands over your frayed jean skirt, the Corroded Coffin tee that you cropped was hanging off of your shoulders — your midriff also showing, fishnet tights on your legs and a pair of black Doc Martens on your feet. Your eye make up was dark, a hoop nose ring in, your hair teased and messy. Wearing a variety of punk bracelets to cover over up old scars. You looked like you were straight out a Hot Topic catalogue.

It wasn’t that you were necessarily trying to get Eddie’s attention, since his reputation was rather…scandalous. Tabloids always having a field day with all of his rude and crude behavior. You didn’t dress to impress him, it was delusional to think he would pay any attention to you — there would be a thousand girls there. It was just your birthday and you wanted to feel hot, which you did.

Later, after you finally got to the venue, you saw a variety of girls hanging around at the back of it hoping to get picked up by any of the band members, a habit they were most notoriously known for — they loved using and abusing their groupies.

Sighing softly to yourself as you wondered what it must be like. Clenching your thighs together when you imagined Eddie’s hands roaming over your skin. Picturing his ringed fingers creeping up your thighs…then quickly, you shake the thought out of your head.

Once the show started, you began making your way through the wall to wall crowd. Your tiny frame snaking through people, determined that you were going to get to the front. Eventually breaking through to the barricade, you held on for dear life as the crowd pushed and pulled during the crazy energy of the show.

Seeing Eddie up close in person was awe inspiring, you were unsure how he could be even that more beautiful in person. Still, you screamed along to every song. Letting the music take over and putting every ounce of your feelings into it. It was…therapeutic — just what you needed for your birthday.

Suddenly, you felt a pair of eyes on you. Surely you were imagining it, right? No, you weren’t because he was starting at you again. When the lights dimmed after the song that just drove the girls absolutely bat shit insane, you could see his silhouette walking over to the side stage. He knelt down and was talking to someone before going back to his place in center stage.

When the lights came back up, his eyes were still on you. A seemingly curious smile on his face, it made your heart absolutely palpitate. And yet, you stood there and remained so calm on the outside. He held your gaze for a long time, it felt like a staring contest and yet it didn’t hinder Eddie from playing the next song.

A tall burly man, clearly a security person, pulled you out of the hypnotizing stare of Eddie. He was bald, with a thick, close-cut beard that was neatly trimmed in place. A rough hand waving in front of your face to get your attention as he leans close enough for you to hear him speak. He smelled like cigarettes and a really musky cologne, with spearmint gum on his breath. “Eddie wants you to come backstage after the show. So wait here when it’s done, I’ll come get you.” His voice was gruff, one of the deepest you had ever heard.

It takes a minute to register what the man was saying, blinking a few times with a head shake. You stare at him like a deer in headlights, he looks annoyed as he waits for some signal of understanding. Slowly you just nod your head a couple times and the man returns to his former post. Eddie notices your reaction and smirks as he looks away, surely pleased to know he has an effect on you.

When the lights went out at the end of the last song, your heart was racing. Eddie fucking Munson handpicked you out of the crowd? Your nails were digging into your palms trying to provide just an ounce of pain to see if you were truly dreaming. Wincing slightly when you realized this was your reality. The lights came back up, taking a shaky breath to try and steel your nerves once the burly man is approaching you again.

Without even asking, he has a hand out and ready to help you over but you shake your head at him. Leaning your back against the barricade, you rest your palms on the edge of it on your sides, lifting yourself up with a nervous tremble in your arms. Sitting your butt on the metal fence, the man puts a hand on your back just in case he has to catch you as you delicately swing your legs over and hop down. Pulling at your denim skirt that rose a little after getting caught on the fence.

The man had a stoic face now that you could see him in the light, he never cracked a smile or really spoke to you as he leads you through the dimly lit hallways backstage. Trying to keep pace with his long strides, you’re practically jogging just to keep from getting lost. The crew and roadies were hustling backstage to tear down the equipment and get it packed up for the next show tomorrow. You get so busy looking around at everything that once the security guard stops abruptly at a door, you run into his back — it felt like hitting a brick wall.

Laughing nervously, your cheeks flushed as you apologize so meekly. He just rolls his eyes and opens the door for you, making a gesture for you to go inside. Once you turn to face the open door, you see Eddie sitting there. His leg is crossed over his other knee, his legs spread wide apart. A glass of what appeared to be whiskey rested with his ring-clad hand around it on top of the knee that was crossed. He didn’t say anything to you, his dark chocolate eyes just raking over your body.

This interaction only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like hours had passed. Somehow you found the courage deep within your gut and forced yourself to walk forward into the room. Feeling like a bad dream with the way your feet felt so heavy, like trying to navigate through quicksand.

The door was closed after you cleared the doorway, gulping nervously as you stood off to the side. Eddie didn’t say anything as his eyes followed you curiously. Deciding to break the awkward silence you were feeling, chirping up, your voice cracking from nervousness. “So…”

Feeling the blood rushing to your cheeks, all the way to the tips of your ears. A small smirk played on Eddie’s lips, he seemed…amused. His lips parted as he took a drink of his whiskey. His nose scrunched up when the alcohol hit his throat.

Clearing your throat as you look down at your feet, trying to avoid his intense gaze. Your hands fidget with the fraying end of your jean skirt before you continue. “You, uh, wanted to see me?”

Eddie slowly turns his head to the side to look at you, seemingly confused by your question. “Do you really not know why you’re here, sweetheart?” Pushing himself out of the chair and setting his glass on his vanity as he stands. In a couple of strides, he closes the distance between you. Subconsciously you lean against the wall that you’re standing next to as he approaches you.

When he’s right in front of you, he pushes a strand of hair that that was falling in front of your face behind your ear. He was almost…gentle. Nothing like any of the tabloids described him by the people that sold their stories. His blown out eyes softened as he inspected your face. When you don’t answer him, he knits his eyebrows together, pursing a tight lip. “Exactly, how old are you, doll?” Another pet name, it made you rub your thighs together without thinking about it.

Your breath had hitched in your throat at his closeness, he smelled like cigarettes, whiskey, and a mesmerizing cologne. He was so much prettier this close — and so much taller, he practically towered you. The way a splatter of freckles ran across his nose and cheeks. The dimple of his smile. The stubble on his face that ran along his deliciously sharp jawline. Surely he saw how fucking pink you were turning being so close to him, it was embarrassing to you, but it was pretty endearing to Eddie.

Finding the courage to speak, but speaking softly while trying to remain calm. He made you so nervous. “T-twenty-two, shit. I mean, I just turned twenty-three today.” A crooked grin spread across Eddie’s face, his dimple becoming even more defined. His smile was beautiful, he rarely smiled in photos or interviews. Everyone always saying he was the biggest dickhead to work and interact with, but here he was being almost sweet to you. He was making it hard not to just fall in love with him.

“It’s your birthday today, sweetheart?” He brushes his hand through your hair , his nails lightly scraping against your scalp. Not really trusting yourself to speak, you nod your head. He walks back to his vanity, pouring more Jack Daniel’s into his glass. “Suppose we should properly celebrate. Fuck you senseless for your birthday, baby. That sound good?” Your eyes widen in surprise at his words, even after reading the tabloids you were still in shock that he wanted you.

A small chuckle escapes his lips as he notices your reaction. “C’mon, sweet girl. You have to know why I asked you to come.” He walks back towards you, taking a swig of his whiskey. The gleam in his eye was devilish as his hand grips your cheeks, parting your lips for him. Your innocent eyes looked up at him under your lashes. An increasingly wicked look flashes across his darkened eyes. Leaning his face down towards yours, his lips ghosting over yours as he lets the whiskey that filled his cheeks trickle into your mouth.

There was something so erotic about it, you hated whiskey but still you swallowed it, with a scrunch of your nose. It made him chuckle softly as he leaned in, gently meshing his lips with yours. They were soft, his tongue parts his lips and traces the seam of yours before slipping into your mouth. He tasted like whiskey and cigarettes. A small mewl escapes your throat, which causes Eddie to groan into your mouth as his tongue continued to explore every inch. His hand resting on the side of your neck, his thumb gently caressing the column of your throat — feeling your racing heart in your pulse point.

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Eddie hasn’t been this excited by any of the girls he’s picked, it was not normal — but he couldn’t stop himself. The noises you made were driving him crazy. He began kissing down your neck, hitting a sweet spot on your pulse point. Feeling your heart race a little faster and the prettiest fucking moan he had ever heard when his tongue ran over it.

Murmuring over your skin, his hips pressed into yours as his hands rested at the exposed skin of your midriff, his thumbs rubbing just above the hem of your skirt. “Goddamnit, baby. I’ve barely touched you and you’re making such pretty fucking noises.”

A light knocking on the door interrupts them, causing a low growl from the back of Eddie’s throat. “Ed, car’s ready.” The muffled sound of Tommy’s voice on the other side of the door, he knew not to enter when he requested a girl to his back room. He had learned the hard way back on their first tour. Eddie chuckled softly at the memory , his dark brown eyes boring into your deep blue ones.

Reluctantly he pulls away from you, causing a soft whimper from you. Eddie’s muscles tighten at the sound, fighting the urge not to just ravage you there. Normally, he’d be done with you by now. Most girls flung themselves at him, it intrigued him that you didn’t. It helped that you were probably the most beautiful creature that he’d ever laid his eyes on, but it made him want to really take his time with you.

He walks over to the chair that his leather jacket was resting on the back of, shoving his arms into it as he gathers the Jack and his smokes, shoving those into his pocket. He heads to the door and looks at you expectantly, a little surprised you weren’t already following him. “You coming, doll?”

He watched your nervous fidgeting, watched how your thighs rubbed together. It made him smile knowing the effect he was having on you, already imagining how you tasted. He walks back over, snaking his arm around your waist — smirking when you inhale sharply. “I’m inviting you back to my hotel, sweetheart. Now, you can say no. But I’m just trying to help celebrate your birthday with you. Would you like that?”

When you don’t answer right away, Eddie’s tone changes from playful to annoyed and serious. “C’mon, babydoll. Use your pretty mouth and gimme words. I can’t just assume. Do you want to come or not?” His stern look made you swallow hard, he liked that.

Seeing you nod your head, he gives a look that causes you to squeak out. “Y-yes. I would like to go back to your hotel with you.”

It was so easy to make you blush, it made Eddie’s chest feel warm. Something else he’s never experienced, but he couldn’t fight this urge that he had to be near you. When he opened the door and lead you out with his hand on the small of your back, Tommy gives him a weird look. Because he knew this is normally where he parted ways with the girls. Eddie just held his hand up in a non-verbal way of telling him to drop it.

Tommy just huffs under his breath, turning on his heels as he mumbles into the earpiece that he had in. “Got him, he’s bringing company.” It made Eddie’s eyes roll. It couldn’t be that surprising that he would do this. He could already hear the lecture he was gonna get from Tommy in a few hours after the girl leaves.

He watches your face carefully, unable to determine if you’re regretting your decision yet. As soon as that thought crosses his mind, he knits his eyebrows together, asking himself why the hell he cares. But there was this gnawing feeling there and it was starting to freak him out.

Once he helps you climb into the back of the private town car, he climbs in beside of you — looking over to your face. Noticing that you let out a shaky breath, he grabs a hand that was sitting in your lap. It captures your attention, your innocent eyes looking up at Eddie. Softly he asks, “Are you okay with this? Honestly. If you say no, I wouldn’t be mad. Surprised, but not mad.”

Watching you nod your head, he goes to remind you about using your words, but you put a hand up in protest. “I am fine, yes. I wouldn’t have agreed if I wasn’t. I’m just…nervous. You make me nervous.”

This causes Eddie to tilt his head to the side, a small smirk pulling up the corner of his mouth. He found it adorable how fast you were talking and the fact that he made you nervous was endearing. His thumb rubbed the back of your hand, a feeble attempt at reassuring you. This was something he wasn’t used to, completely outside of his normal comfort zone.

“It’s okay to be nervous, doll. But I promise, I’m only going to make you feel good. Celebrate your birthday, make it one to remember. Alright? Just relax, I got you, baby.” His free hand moved up to your cheek, bringing your face to his as he placed a soft kiss at first. He began slowly deepening the kiss as if to not rush you.

The soft moans that emitted from your throat were ready to drive Eddie absolutely fucking mad. His hardening cock straining against his already tight jeans. A groan that was low and deep came from his throat as he continued to explore your mouth, his hand was sliding up your thigh. Resting on the inside of your soft, supple skin, his fingers were gripping so tight it would surely leave bruises in the morning.

Just when Eddie was ready to tear your clothes off, the town car comes to a stop in front of the hotel. Immediately, he pulls away from you as if nothing happened. A soft chuckle escapes his lips when he sees how worked up you are, a wild look in your eye as you try to catch your breath.

The driver opens the door for Eddie, he steps out and holding his hand out for you to use as you climbed out of the backseat. Tommy was at his side immediately and escorted the two of you through the hotel lobby, made sure the elevator was clear. Tommy leans in to Eddie whispering softly, “Same time as usual, boss?”

Eddie just does a singular firm nod of his head before stepping into the elevator behind you. Once the doors close, he pushes you against the elevator wall. His hand sliding up in between your thighs as his mouth was nibbling and sucking on every sweet spot on your neck. Taking mental notes on which spots made the prettiest noises.

Once the elevator dings, Eddie grips you by the ass as he picks you up into his arms. Your legs wrapping around his waist, he carried you down a long hallway, decorated nicer than anything the both of you had ever had growing up. But Eddie was too busy kissing you as he shoved you into his rooms door, fumbling with it to get the damn thing open.

That’s when you giggled, it made Eddie’s chest radiate with such warmth. It was like music to his ears, he cursed under his breath with a smile as he finally got the door open. Immediately, he takes you to his bed and sets you on the edge. Looking down at you, his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek.

Eddie inspects you, your blue eyes with flecks of emerald green speckled through out the irises. The hint of freckles over the bridge of your nose. A plump bottom lip that was kiss-bitten, but you were chewing on it nervously. He reaches over and pushes back a stray curl that fell in front of your face, gingerly tucking it behind your ear.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” He asks softly.

Your eyes move up to meet his, blinking away whatever you were thinking about. “Just, uh, you’re nothing like I expected you to be.” A nervous chuckle unwillingly escapes your lips.

Eddie’s posture straightens, his own laughter emitting from deep within his chest. He walks over to the bar set up in the corner of the lavish hotel room, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. “Did you want me to be what the tabloids say I am? Hmm? Is that what you want for your birthday?” He takes a sip of the Jack, his chocolate eyes — that were just a hue darker than the whiskey, were peering over the rim of the glass at you.

He watches as you shift on the bed, your thighs clenching together before standing up and nervously walking over to you. “I just want you, honestly.” Noticing the sincerity in your voice, he searches your gorgeous eyes for any sign of deception.

“You just want me?” His voice is soft, but there’s an incredulous tone to it. Shifting his gaze away for a moment before returning back to you, he holds the glass of Jack up to your lips. “Drink.” He commands as he tilts the cup upwards, letting it spill into your mouth. It’s cold from the ice, but the alcohol burns your throat. He lets you finish the rest of the glass, a grin turning up the corners of his lips. “Good girl,” he praises.

A little whimper escapes your lips at his praise, it makes Eddie’s eyebrow quirk up into his curls. “God, you make such pretty noises.” His fingers delicately brush up the inside of your thigh, inching closer to your already aching core. “I haven’t even really touched you, yet.”

A wicked smile pulls at his mouth as he watches the soft gasp come out of you as he gets closer. Feeling the heat radiating from your core already, he presses firmly against the already dampened panties. A low groan comes from his throat as he rubs a firm circle around your clothed swollen bud. He watches you moan softly, noticing how your knees are already shaking. So, he snakes his arm around your waist to keep you upright as he continues to tease you through your panties.

“Already so wet for me, hm? So eager, doll face?” He peppers kisses along your neck, remembering the sweet spots that make you a whimpering mess especially combined with his relentless over the underwear teasing.

Nibbling on one of the sweet spots on your neck and sucking the sensitive skin into his mouth, it causes your knees to buckle and fall into him. Eddie just chuckles darkly against your neck, picking you up and setting you on the edge of the bed. “So responsive.” He murmurs as he begins to undress you. His hands sliding over your skin as he pulls your crop top off of you, revealing a black lacy push up bra. His eyebrows quirk up at the delicious sight of you, a grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. Delicately he unbuttons your jean skirt, tugging down on it. “Need you to lift your hips for me, sweetheart.”

Falling back onto the plush bed and lifting your hips so that Eddie can pull your skirt down, his fingers grazing over your skin as he does so. His hands quickly untie your shoes then pull them off. Bringing your ankle up to his lips as he kisses softly, hearing the small gasp from you made his cock twitch. His calloused, strong hands rubbed up your calves through the fishnet stockings as he slowly spread your legs apart. The thin black lacy panties already damp with the slick of your arousal, with help of the added teasing from his fingers.

His eyes scanned over your body, admiring your beautiful form. “So pretty…” he murmured quietly, hoping you didn’t hear him. Your eyes met with his, making his heart clench. Stuffing that feeling down, he hooks his fingers into your tights and panties, pulling them down slowly. As your smooth, slick pussy is revealed to him, it causes a low growl to form in the back of his throat.

“Fucking hell…” he mumbles as he places wet kisses on the inside of your thighs. “Gotta taste that pretty pussy, baby.” He nibbles the sensitive skin, causing you to jump away from him and moan softly. Hooking his arms under your thighs, he drags you to the edge of the bed. “Don’t run away from me. Gonna make you feel so good, pretty.” He continues to nibble on the inside of your thighs and immediately soothes the sensitive flesh with kisses, running his tongue over your bitten skin.

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Eddie’s mouth was all over every inch of your inner thigh and it was driving you absolutely wild. He’d find a sweet spot that caused you to moan a particular way and he would spend extra time on it. His strong arms hooked around your thighs and resting on your hips, keeping you in place for him. Slowly he inched up to your aching pussy, already dripping with your essence and you could feel yourself clenching at nothing. Feeling desperate to be filled with anything he had to offer at this point.

Unable to meet his gaze, you closed your eyes when he was almost to your wet cunt. That’s when Eddie’s rough voice broke through your concentration. “Eyes on me, sweetheart.” The pet names were causing a flutter in your tummy that you didn’t like. It was going to make it that much harder when you inevitably had to leave. When you don’t listen right away, Eddie huffs in annoyance as he climbs up your body until he has a hand resting next to your head — keeping his body hovering above you.

“What the hell is going on in that pretty little head of yours?” He asked curiously, but there was a hint of aggravation. It made you shrink at the thought that you were annoying him with being so fucking nervous. He was probably used to being done by now with girls, and here you were — can’t even get out of your head for a second long enough to fuck the hottest guy on the planet right now.

Chewing your bottom lip as forces you to meet his gaze with his other hand on your face. “Can I ask you something?” You nervously ask.

Eddie sits on the edge of the bed, he was still clothed while you were only wearing a bra and the jewelry on your wrists. It made you feel extremely vulnerable. So when you sat up with him, you hugged your arms around yourself — trying to hide yourself as much as possible.

He had his head tilted to the side, waiting for this question. “Please don’t hate me when I ask you this, but what made you pick me?” Your voice was soft, insecure sounding as you shuddered internally at how fucking cringy you felt for asking that.

Eddie’s eyes softened, his fingers delicately brushing your hair off of your shoulder before he leaned in to kiss it gently. “Because you seemed different. And then I met you, and realized that was definitely true.” He chuckled, making a lump form in your throat. “Different is good, baby. Promise.” He places a couple more kisses along your collarbone and your arms begin to loosen around yourself. He murmurs along your skin. “Tell me your name.” It wasn’t a question, it was more of a gentle command.

“I-It’s Y/N.” You practically whisper to him.

“Y/N,” he echoes softly. “That’s a pretty name.”

Turning your head to look at him, seeing him be so soft and gentle with you. Where was the asshole that everyone claimed him to be? Is this what he did with other girls? Or were you truly different?

Eddie’s eyes had dropped to your arms that were now in your lap. Gingerly, he picks one up and adjusts the bracelets off of your wrists. Quickly, you try to yank your arm back from him but his grip is stronger than yours. His fingers trace over the scars etched into your skin. Old burn marks from your ‘father’ when he was on a rage-filled bender — putting his cigarettes out on you when you cried for your mom, and a few self inflicted ones. Wincing at the memories, Eddie brings your wrist up to his face, kissing the scars so sweetly it made your stomach flip.

His eyes were sad, which you hated. This is why you kept them covered up, it was the exact look that Eddie had on his face right now. It made you want to run. When he finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper. “You’re beautiful, you know that?” His eyes meet yours, a gentle understanding in them that you didn’t expect to see.

He stood up and in one fell swoop, pulled his shirt off of his body. His torso was toned, littered with tattoos and some chest hair. Then he knelt down at your feet again, he held his hair out of the way as he showed you old cigarette burn scars. Something apparently the two of you had in common.

The tabloids assumed Eddie had a tragic backstory, as most musicians in the metal industry do, but whenever he was asked he would never give an answer — or he’d bullshit around it to change the subject.

“Seems we might not be that different.” He said softly.

Leaning down, offering him the same gentle kindness, you place a soft kiss over the scars. That’s when Eddie gently pushes you away, trying to distance himself again.

Hooking his arms around your thighs again, instead of taking his time with kisses, he just dives in to your wet heat. This was his way of changing the subject. A groan leaves his throat as he tastes your sweet nectar, his tongue diving in and curling up between your wet folds.

The sensation is almost shell shocking as you just lean back onto your elbows and try to adjust to them. He spreads your thighs further apart, shaking his head back and forth a little, his nose rubbing across your swollen clit as he does so. The moans that were leaving your mouth, you had no idea you were capable of making.

Eddie stares up at you with half-lidded eyes, his tongue drags up your wet slit before his lips engulf your swollen bud into his mouth. He sucks on it as his tongue deliberately swirls around it. Making pleased noises as he felt your hips try to buck up against him. Feeling his middle finger rub up and down your slit, gathering the juices on the pad of it before he slowly slides it into you. Inching it to allow your tightness to get used to his thick digit. He groaned against your cunt as he surely was imagining it wrapped around his cock.

Pulling back just slight enough to speak, his voice rough with desire. His finger slowly sliding in and out of you, but you whimper at the loss of his mouth. “Fuck, sweetheart.” Your pussy clenching around his finger at the pet name, he groans louder. “So fucking tight.” His finger curls up against the spot that not even you can reach, causing you to practically see stars. The moan that you let out impressed even you, but you couldn’t even help it if you tried. “Make the prettiest fucking noises f’me, fuck.” His thumb was rubbing circles around your clit as he kissed the inside of your thigh. The cool metal of his rings brush up against your heated core, reminding and confirming that he keeps them on.

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Eddie slid a second finger into your wet heat, allowing you to adjust to the added girth — preparing you for when you take him fully. Groaning against your thigh as he kissed and nibbled it, his middle and ring finger were curling and uncurling inside of you. Putting pressure on your sensitive g-spot as he slowly slid his slick covered fingers in and out. His thumb was still rolling around your swollen bundle of nerves.

He was admiring how pretty your pussy was as it clenched and sucked his fingers in. “Such a good girl. Making ya feel good, baby?” Eddie cooed as he watched your face, trying so hard to concentrate on forming a response, but your body writhed in pleasure and pretty moans came out instead.

He grinned against the supple, bruise bitten skin of your inner thighs as his fingers kept working their magic. Most girls didn’t get this fucked out until his dick was stretching them open. Eddie imagined how fucking hot it was going to be to see you react to his cock inside of you. The way your body was responding to him, he could feel you getting close.

Murmuring against your skin, encouraging you and coaching you through it — he could tell no one’s made you feel like this and it pleased him to know that he was your first. “C’mon, baby. Let go for me. Let me see that pretty pussy cum on my fingers.” Groaning against your skin with each and every pretty little whimper and moan that you made. He was fighting every one of his nerve endings not to sink his aching cock into you.

That’s when he feels your body letting go, your back arches as your hand finds his resting on your thigh, squeezing it hard as your orgasm rocks through you. The moans that were leaving your lips were unlike anything he’d ever heard before, he could feel his cock drooling with pre-cum in his tight pants. His fingers continue coaxing you through your high, your pussy clenching and unclenching as your essence was bubbling out and soaking his hand.

It was truly beautiful to watch and he was mesmerized, murmuring softly. “That’s my good girl.” Slowly he pulled his fingers out, causing you to whimper at the loss. A crooked grin flashes across Eddie’s face before his tongue lazily laps over your soaked folds. It causes you to jump with how sensitive you are now, but he just holds you in place as he cleans up all your sweet nectar like a man that was starved.

Once he was done, he stood up, towering over you as you laid there on the bed. Your blue eyes glazed over with a dumb grin on your face, Eddie grinned down at you. “Told you I was gonna make you feel real good, sweetheart.” His fingers ghosted over your skin before he was pulling you to your feet. Your legs were a little shaky, so he held you close. “How are you feeling?”

Eddie’s hands were roaming over your back, unhooking your bra and sliding it off of your shoulders. Revealing your perfectly sized, full and round breasts. He marveled as one of his hands roamed over the supple skin, pinching your pink nipple between his forefinger and thumb, rolling it gently. Your head falls into Eddie’s neck, overwhelmed by the pleasure still coursing through your body.

When you don’t answer his question, Eddie pinches your teat a little harder. You inhale sharply as a painful mewl escapes your lips. “Gotta use your words, doll. Quit testing my patience.”

“F-feel really good, Eddie.” You whimper out.

He caresses your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone. “See? That wasn’t so hard. Good girl.” He kisses your forehead softly, he pulls back to look at you. This behavior was unlike him, and it was as if he couldn’t help himself. What the hell was happening?

Deciding he’s getting too close to you, he guides you back to the bed. “Get on your knees, face down, doll.” His voice was rough, a lot less affectionate than it was just a moment ago.

As he watches you do as your told, he finally releases his aching cock from its denim prison. Groaning in satisfaction at the relief from it springing forward and at the sight of your perfectly rounded ass. His jeans pool at his feet and he kicks them off to the side, he walks over to you. Immediately his hands are roaming over your plump curves, cursing under his breath as he admires you. “So fuckin’ perfect, sweet girl.”

Eddie’s cock bobs up and back down as it twitches from his arousal, the tip of it shining with his pre-cum. He can’t remember the last time he was so excited to sink his cock into a girl. Sure, he wanted to get his rocks off. But here lately, it took everything in him just to stay hard most of the time because he was bored. For the first time in a long time, he was worried he would have to focus too hard on not cumming until you do.

A wicked grin forms on his face as he remembers something. “Almost forgot, birthday girl.” His hand slaps against the meat of your ass, but you don’t yelp — you moan for him. He groans as he squeezes your ass. A perfect pink handprint already etched into your tender skin. “Mm, birthday girl likes being spanked?” His hand clashes against your opposite cheek, another moan as you fist the bed sheets. Your aching core throbbing for him from the pain, he growls softly.

Aligning himself at your soaked entrance, he hears the little gasp that you try to muffle into the mattress when you feel his thickness. A grin forms on his face as he rubs your tender ass cheek. “Issokay babygirl, I’ll be real gentle at first. Just tell me if it hurts. Okay?” When you nod your head, he slowly begins sinking into your slick heat. Rocking his hips back and forth to slowly work his length in. Eddie lets out a low moan as he feels your pussy practically sucking him in and gripping him tight.

“F-fuck,” he groans. “So fucking tight. Taking my cock like such a good girl.” His hand smacks your tender cheek harder than before and he feels you tighten around him, Eddie grips your hips tightly. “S-shitshitshit, don’t do that baby girl. Want you to cum first.”

Eddie begins to piston his hips against your plump ass cheeks, the skin snapping as he collides with you. Going slowly at first so that he doesn’t lose his control, but then when you start making those pretty fucking noises — he almost loses it. He pulls out before slowly sliding back in, bottoming out each time he does so. The room is a symphony of both of your moans, Eddie’s grunts, and your whimpers.

His hand hooks around your waist, his fingers rubbing firm circles around your swollen clit, causing you to throb around Eddie’s aching cock. He moans softly as he continues to pump into you. “Mmf, that’s it sweetheart. Want you to cum on my cock. Let go, I got you…”

Feeling you get closer, he begins to thrust into you harder and faster. Chasing both of your highs as he continues to circle your clit with the pad of his calloused finger. His other hand is grips your hip tightly as he pulls you back to meet his thrusts. Eddie can see your face turned to the side, your eyes closed in pleasure, mouth hanging open as you whimper and moan for him. Knuckles white as you grip the sheets tightly.

Your body begins to quake, causing him to thrust faster. He can feel your pussy throbbing as your release squirts out all around his cock, soaking his pelvis and the hotel sheets below you. Eddie groans loudly as he can’t hold back anymore. With a final hard thrust, his cock pulses, his thick cum shoots out, covering your walls and filling you up. Eddie slowly thrusts into you, milking his cock as you both chase the highs and let it subside.

Your bodies are sweat slick and covered in both of your juices, Eddie tries to catch his breath as he slowly pulls his softening cock out of you. His eyes widen in surprise when he realizes that he forgot to put a condom on in all of his excitement.

“Shit…” he mutters under his breath. His grip on your hips tighten as he realizes his mistake. “Stay put.” He mutters before he retreats to the bathroom, grabbing a warm, wet wash cloth. He tries his best to clean you up, cursing himself internally for being so careless.

Finally, you slump over onto the bed, exhausted and fucked out. Your eyes even more glazed over than before, a dumb grin still on your face. Eddie crawls over next to you, pulling you into his arms. His anger with himself for being so stupid melting away when he sees the smile on your face.

He sighs heavily, brushing your hair out of your face with his fingers. His voice is soft as he talks to you. “Sorry.”

You raise your head, your eyebrows knit it confusion. “For what?”

Eddie rubs the back of his neck. “I fucking forgot to put on a condom. And you’re so goddamned tight…I didn’t have time to pull out.” He muttered, his freckled cheeks turning pink.

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You hear the words, but they don’t register right away. Call it…shock. Your eyes widen and you blink it away. “What?”

Eddie’s palm drags down his face, he doesn’t say anything so that he can let the information sink in. “Eddie, seriously? You forgot to put a condom on?”

He uncovers his face, his eyes dark — worry lines already forming under them. “Don’t you think I know how stupid it was?”

His harsh tone stings, a lump forming in your throat. Sitting up, you stare at him bewildered that he’s taking this out on you. “Don’t take it out on me. It’s not like I’m the one that had any control over the matter.” Your eyes were welling up with tears, unable to control your feelings when you were upset was something you always hated yourself for.

Immediately, Eddie’s face softens and he sits up. Cradling your head between his palms as he kisses your forehead gingerly. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Confusion sets in as he apologizes and becomes so gentle with you. “I-If you’re worried that I would run and sell my story to the tabloids, o-or try to exploit you for money for a baby that may or may not come about...you’re wrong. I would never…” your voice trails off, tears streaming down your face.

Eddie pulls you down into a warm embrace, letting you cry on his chest. His fingers raking through your long hair as he tries to comfort you. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to imply that. But please also see it from my point of view, Y/N.”

Yuck. He stopped using the pet names that you loved, and suddenly his lips saying your name left a sour taste in your mouth.

Internally, you were trying to prepare for the world of hurt that was about to be bestowed on you once you inevitably had to leave. Imagining that his lawyer would contact you down the line, or maybe even he’d have you sent home with a morning after pill so that he doesn’t have to deal with the future consequences. Silently cursing yourself for letting yourself fall for him, maybe he was the asshole like everyone said. How many girls went through exactly what you were feeling right now?

His arms squeezed tighter around you, his lips pressed into your hair. “Hey,” he says softly. “Stop overthinking. We will deal with whatever happens, together. Promise.”

Your heart flutters, his words seem genuine but you’re not entirely convinced. “Eddie…” you start. But then you’re rudely interrupted by a loud knocking on the suite door. Eddie groans softly, finding a pair of boxers and slipping them on before he goes to answer it.

Laying there in his bed and trying not to listen to what’s being said, scared of what he could be saying. You hear what sounds like Tommy’s muffled voice, him and Eddie getting into a pretty heated whispering match. And then all the sudden there’s a crash of commotion.

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When Eddie opened the door, Tommy was expecting you to be with him so that he could send you home in a taxi. A grave look on Eddie’s face concerns him. “Not done yet, boss? I can come back in an hour…”

“She’s staying the night.” Eddie calmly says.

Tommy’s eyebrow quirks up. “The night? Eddie, are you insane? What are you even thinking?”

Eddie sets his jaw, his eyebrows furrowed. “Listen, I don’t pay you to fucking lecture me.”

“You’re right, you don’t. But the girl is fucking bad news.” Eddie’s jaw clenches, but Tommy continues anyways. “She could stalk you, get too attached, try to exploit you by poking a hole in a fucking condom. Use your damn head, Eddie.”

That’s when Eddie’s fist collides with Tommy’s jaw. He knocks him down, he looks up at Eddie confused. “What the hell has gotten into you man?” No longer whispering, he’s angry. “It’s just a fucking chick! No different than the last thousand you do this to.”

Eddie stood over Tommy, he was a life long friend of his. But in this moment, it didn’t matter — he was seeing red. His jaw was clenched so tight that his teeth ground together, his finger was shoved into his face. “Say another goddamn thing about her, and you’re fired. She is nothing like any of them. So, get used to fucking seeing her. Now get your ass up, and leave me the hell alone until tomorrow morning.”

With that, Eddie leaves him on the floor, slamming the door shut as he stalks off back to the bedroom. His anger melting the second his eyes land back on you, you’re covered by the bed sheets — wide eyed and likely frightened by the commotion. The corners of his mouth turn up into a smile to disarm you.

“What happened?” A look of concern flashes on your face as you noticed his already bruised knuckles.

“Oh this? Nothing. Had to put Tommy in his place.” He waves it off and crawls back into bed, wrapping you into his arms. There’s a slight nervous stutter in his voice as he practically whispers to you. “S-so, I’m not good at this. At all. This isn’t normal for me. Can’t honestly say I’ve ever had an actual relationship, per se. And before you start , no this isn’t because I fucked up and didn’t use a rubber.”

His fingers are raking through your hair as he delicately talks to you, letting out a shaky sigh as he looks up at the ceiling. “From the moment my eyes landed on you, every one of my nerve endings has been…electric. I knew there was something different about you. Something I’ve never had before. And I’ve gotta say, doll, I’ve never felt this way. I’m not saying we have to jump into something and label it…but I would love to get to know you better. Take you on some dates. And if you’d do me the honor, I’d love to make you mine.”

Eddie could feel that his cheeks were on fire, if his hair wasn’t covering his ears, he was sure the tips of them would likely be a deep red. That’s when he felt your soft hand rest on his cheek and pull it back towards you. He saw the emotion welling in your waterline, his thumb brushed back and forth along your chin as he stared into those beautiful ocean pooled irises.

“I would like nothing more, Eddie.” Your smile was soft, warm — it made his heart melt.

There was a brief moment of silence before Eddie continued. “My mom always played music for me as a child, and the songs always had these beautiful depictions of love. She tried her best to describe it to me, but I was just a kid, ya know? But I think it’s all starting to make sense…” he whispered to you as his thumb brushed along your kiss-bitten lip.

With that, Eddie pulled your chin up to meet his lips with a soft kiss. Neither of you were perfect, you weren’t trying to be. But Eddie knew right then and there that he would do anything in his power to spend the rest of his life by your side. For the first time in his life, he felt confident that someone else would do the same.

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“You're a dream come true

Now I'm holding you

And I'll never, never let you go

I will never let you go!”

[bluejayblueskies]

Red, White & Royal Blue Rebind

[ID: Eight pictures of a hand-bound rebind of the book "Red, White & Royal Blue." The first shows the cover, which has been bound in light gray bookcloth and is decorated to look like a suit with a union jack tie. There are two cardstock buttons, one that says "Vote Claremont" and the other that says "History, huh?" On the right side, the title "Red, White and Royal Blue" is painted on in red, white, and blue paint respectively. On the left side, the author name "Casey McQuiston" is painted on in white paint. The second shows the spine, covered also in gray bookcloth. It has the title "Red, White and Royal Blue" painted on in red, white, and blue paint respectively and the author name "Casey McQuiston" painted on in white paint. The third shows the book from the top so the headbands, sewn with red, white, and blue thread, can be seen. The fourth shows the title page of the book, which has the title "Red, White and Royal Blue" in red, white, and blue ink respectively, as well as the author name "Casey McQuiston" beneath it. The fifth shows the colophon page (left) and dedication page (right). The colophon has details about the book, as well as the binder logo for Blue Skies Books (a bluejay) and the logo for Renegade Publishing (a bookpress). The dedication page says, "For the weirdos and the dreamers" in a sans serif font above a black and white drawing of a reflective lake with pine trees around it. The sixth shows a chapter header page, which has a gray skyline that merges the skylines of DC and London across the top of it. The word "One" is in all caps in white on the lefthand side of the skyline, and body text is beneath it in a serif font. The seventh shows the inside of the book, drawing attention to the formatting of the emails throughout the book. The emails include icons for both Henry and Alex, email addresses, timestamps, and subjects. The eighth shows the inside of the book, drawing attention to the red, white, and blue heart page divider and the handwriting fonts used within the regular body text for certain words. /End ID]

When the Red, White and Royal Blue movie came out last year, I rediscovered my love for this book and these characters and just had to do a rebind of it! This is a full rebind, so I've done the typeset myself as well as the cover. I had a delightful time coming up with the cover design (I imagine this is modeled after a theoretical Alex suit, though it could be Henry's as well!), and I had an especially fun time doing the typeset. There are so many fun formatting elements in this story, and it was great getting to put my own spin on them.

Logistics-wise, this bind uses Lumeiere fabric paint and a Silhouette-cut stencil for the words, Silhouette-cut cardstock for the decorative elements, handmade cotton bookcloth for the cover, cotton embroidery thread for the endbands, and regular Hammermill cream paper for the textblock. (Once I've saved up for it, I'm looking forward to getting some short-grain textblock paper! This is still long grain.) The body font is Cochin and the title font is Montserrat.

And finally: my bind versus my trade paperback copy!

[ID: A picture of the hand-bound version of "Red, White and Royal Blue" from above held next to the mass-produced paperback version of the same book. They are made in different styles with different color schemes, but both have a fun and slightly whimsical appearance to them. /End ID]

[ailawritesfics]

✎ cw: 18+ minors dni, somnophilia, noncon, male masturbation, hawks breaking into ur apartment, yandere-ish behavior, mentions of stalking

✎ this is a chapter from my on going story in ao3 i wrote a little while back

There was something thrilling about being a hero but participating in morally questionable decisions. An occupation that's supposed to be a symbol of peace and prosperity, as the number 2 hero he's bound by his duty and obligation to the people of Japan. And yet Hawks finds himself deviating from his usual path. When he's supposed to be back at the agency taking care of paperwork, he readjusts his schedule to fit a new routine.

He is aware that what he's doing is not normal by any standards but his own.

His profession required him to do many things, some of which he's not proud to admit, but was necessary for the greater good. Or at least that’s what he tells himself in the mirror every morning.

Landing on a balcony in a 4-story apartment complex was a different story altogether. Especially so when he knows who lives in this apartment. There was a pause in his movements when his feet touched the floor of the balcony, a hitch in his breath and a voice at the back of his mind telling him to reconsider but also willing him to proceed further.

He forced himself forwards, grabbing the handle of the door. To his surprise, it swings open, allowing him access into your abode. The last time he tried, the door was locked and he had forgotten to bring a lockpick with him. Breaking the wood or the glass would attract too much attention and reveal himself too quickly, so he had opted to find a window big enough to fit through.

Stepping into your apartment, he takes in the surroundings. Still the same as when he first paid a visit, everything in its place. The only mess he can see is the used mug and spoon you had left on the table. The apartment was decent, decorations from your college years and shelves with knick knacks left to collect dust. You haven't gotten the chance to do much general cleaning but he chalked that up to your busy work schedule.

A light snore stops him in his tracks, following the sound he peers over the back of the couch and sees you laying there asleep with a bag of opened chips spilling its contents on your lap. There's a pill bottle in your hand, the label shows the word Melatonin in bold font.

You looked peaceful, steadily breathing and hair slightly disheveled from the way you're resting your head on the armrest. Hawks moves to stand in front of the couch, bending down to get a closer look.

“Hey there, baby bird, you're sleeping soundly, aren't you?”

He can't help but chuckle, already feeling relieved upon seeing you. The stress from today's work and grueling training forced on him by the Commission was all but forgotten. Even the momentary wariness and frustration from the villain fight he had felt earlier dissipated.

Why?

The thought came suddenly. Hawks' smile faded when that one word echoed in his mind, a constant question plaguing him but pushed aside to maintain a semblance of a fantasy he wishes to perceive. He remembers all the people he had approached in the past, conversations and memories left on a bitter note all because the Commission forced him to cut ties with them one way or another. How is this time any different?

He thought it was weird how the Commission hadn't said anything yet about his contact with you, but he figured it might have been due to his current track record. He hasn't done anything to rebel, been a loyal follower committed to his job. But he knows that won't last long. They've given him reasons to cut ties for less than disobedience.

Was it because of the Hero Commission? He thinks back to all the times he was summoned, their voices ringing in his ears when they would speak of it as if it was in his best interest as a hero but really, it was the fear that their prized investment was slipping through their claws. He could almost recite their excuses in order. Is he here, in your apartment, watching you sleep in the late hours of the night because the Commission kept depriving him of personal relationships, whether that's platonic or romantic, whenever they see fit and never letting him learn how to develop healthy attachments?

As the never-ending questions plague his mind, he rises to his feet with you in his arms with the intention of moving you to the bed. It wasn't an easy transition, and you almost woke up, but he managed to make his way into your bedroom, using his feathers to untuck the sheets. The mattress sinks under your combined weight and as Hawks hovers over your upper body, hands propped on either side of you, he remembers part of the reason why he wasn't allowed to maintain any semblance of a relationship apart from his connection to the HPSC.

He's not well. Far from it.

If the stalking, obvious lies, blatant breaking and entering, and invading your most personal space without your knowledge wasn't proof enough of his mental well being, then the way he's looking at you now, his mind swirling with thoughts he swears will never reach the light of day is a clear indication.

No sane man would eye an unconscious person with a glint of hunger reflecting in their eyes. For a moment, Hawks recalls that soul crushing feeling of shame he's accustomed to weighing on his conscience, but the guilt was short lived, replaced with the tantalizing pull of desire.

He likes to think he has some restraint. A thin rope that's barely holding on representing his will to hold himself back from lines he knows he shouldn't cross but is so tempted to.

Morality and conscience thrown out the window, he indulges in his desires, consequences be damned.

He'd been deprived for too long and with the opportunity presented before him, he'd be mad not to take it. How long has it been since he last stood this close and intimately to another person? The most he can recall is the harsh and cold bodies of the drones and machines the Commission would force him to compete with, hard metal bodies crafted from steel. He can still feel the bruises he sustained from the most recent training session where he was left to fend for himself in a weather simulation projecting the harsh winter, cruel summer, and unrelenting storms. Physical human contact was what he craved most.

A hand runs down your torso, trying to feel the texture of your shirt through his gloves. He slides his hands under, the warmth of your skin permeates through the fabric of his gloves and he contemplates taking it off to feel you more closely. A reasonable thought pushed to the back of his mind and he's hovering over your unconscious body, sitting on his heels after kicking off his shoes.

Your shirt rides up, just barely showing your chest and Hawks’ breath hitches as he tugs it higher, revealing your bare chest to his wandering eyes and desperate hands. He doesn't know how much melatonin you took but he assumes the amount is enough to keep you knocked out through this whole ordeal, considering the fact that he had moved you from the couch to your bedroom, and is currently straddling your hips, and yet you're still fast asleep.

He props himself on one elbow, leaning close enough to breathe in your scent. It's addicting, the way he can't help himself when it comes to you. For someone he insists is a way to cure his boredom, he sure spends a lot of time with you even after promising to himself he wouldn't get attached. The threat of the Commission meddling with his connection with you still hangs in the air.

He had impulsively promised to take you out on the one day off he's been given in the last 5 months. Why? What made him think that was a good idea? He thinks back to his early days of childhood, every move and action was monitored and controlled behind the scenes. His decisions weren't his to make in the first place so when he gained the freedom to decide, however small, he took it without hesitation, taking what was supposed to be the norm for an ordinary person but a foreign experience to this caged bird.

Physical contact isn't new to him, it just doesn't happen frequently enough for him to be able to restrain himself.

He pulls back from you to take off his gloves, using his teeth to pull it off his hand. There wasn't much thought behind his next actions, his free hand moving to undo his pants and pull his cock free of his boxers. He bites his bottom lip, hand wrapping around himself and eyes locked on your sleeping face. A shudder laced with pleasure sends him spiraling back into his thoughts, less sensible than before, but he's too far in to retreat now.

He imagines how you'd react if you were to open your eyes now and see him, the sight of him jerking off to your unconscious body unable to hold himself back. In the back of his mind there's a voice, a voice of reason is what's expected but instead it encourages him to continue, to take what he wants.

And so he does. He moves his hand faster, breaths coming out in sharp gasps and suppressed groans. Sweat forms on his nape, he can feel it dripping down on his skin, muscles tensing but it feels so good.

A curse under his breath and his head tilting back, he bites on his bottom lip, imagining each drag of his hand is from your own fingers wrapped around his cock, or better yet, he imagines how good it would feel to have your warm mouth around him. Was it ethical, how he's masturbating in front of a sleeping person and imagining sexual fantasies of a person he swore would only be a source of entertainment for him, to pass time? Does he care?

Not particularly.

Hawks drops down on his elbow, once again breathing in your scent, inhaling deeply. Why do you have to smell like his favorite shampoo’s scent, fruity yet there's a hint of floral he adores so much.

His body tenses when he hears a light groan come from someone other than him, he knows he's risking it by continuing but somehow it turns him on even more. He watches you stir in your sleep, you try to change positions but find it rather difficult with the man hovering above you. He watches you intently, observing every little reaction you give him and just as you turn your head to one side, he leans into the sleeve of his jacket biting on the fabric to suppress any noise.

White ropes of cum drip from his tip and hand, remnants of his ministrations are left on your bare chest and stomach. Hawks’ breaths come out in huffs, breathing heavy as he tries to collect himself. He props himself up on both arms, not caring for the stain he might leave on the mattress. A thought screams at him in his post-delirious bliss: how the fuck did this happen? How did he let it happen?

And why aren't you awake?

He unconsciously grips the covers in his hands, fingers digging into the mattress as cold sweat forms on his temples. He's gone and done it, he crossed a line he knows he shouldn't have. He did it again. Again.

He raises a hand to grab you gently by the chin, tilting your head to face him.

He doesn't regret it.

Maybe he'll come visit you more often. After all, he already knows your schedule by heart. And even if there's a change in your shift, he'll find a way to know about it beforehand like he already did before. He has a date with you tomorrow, he smirks at the thought, only a few more hours until then. Perhaps he was wrong in considering you as a means to an end, to cure a boredom he's been desperate to climb out of. There's definitely something there, interest or intrigue, or something more.

Until the Commission meddles with his personal life again, he might as well have some fun and indulge himself.

[art--harridan]

[Image one: The first page of a digital comic about Miles Morales from the Spider-Verse movies. It begins with two panels of Miles' face resting on his closed hand. The first shows him in his school, wearing his uniform. He looks bored. The second has him in his first, store-bought Spider-Man costume. The forest surrounding Alchemax is behind him. Both of the panels cut off around his eyes. Next to them is two smaller panels, one showing someone in a classic Spider-Man costume swinging on a web, while the other shows their feet flying through the air. At the bottom of the page, there's Miles' legs flailing as he falls during the Leap of Faith scene. A panel is behind them, in a purple halftone gradient. Shards of glass surround the legs like lightning bolts. The page says "you always thought that the scariest part of a leap of faith would be the fall".

Image two: The second page of a digital comic about Miles Morales from the Spider-Verse movies. The first part of the sentence says "but really... it feels like flying;". This is interspersed with close-up panels of Miles in his first black suit. There's one of his outstretched hand, one of his chest symbol, one very close to his eyes and another of his outstretched feet. Behind the panels, there's a rock pigeon mid-flight. The sentence continues with "floating;", followed by four panels of Miles floating as his fall is flipped upside down. The pose is identical in each, but the background gets gradually darker for each one. Then, "free in a way that feels unnatural -" is written, accompanied by a panel of Miles in his school uniform. You can't see above his lips and he's sweating nervously, shoulders hunched. Scribbles, like the portals on The Spot, crowd around him. The sentence finishes with "you love it". The final panel zooms into Miles' hand clutching his backpack strap. His Spider-Man suit peaks out of his sleeve.

Image three: The third page of a digital comic about Miles Morales from the Spider-Verse movies. At the top of the page is Miles' shoes stood on the side of a wall, one foot hanging over the edge slightly. Above it, it says "the fear is in the precipice -". Below the drawing, it says "the edge", alongside Miles standing on a wall from behind, cut off around the ankles. The sentence continues "and what you gaze at beyond it", the last two words in a bubbly black and white font over top of a purple halftone gradient panel. Then, the sentence finishes "(and what you're scared will slink back in)". On the left side there's two panels, one a close-up of Kingpin's tie, and the other shows The Prowler's cape laying in a pool of blood. The other side has two panels set out the same. The top panel has one of The Spot's portals, while the one below it shows Jefferson Davis' glasses discarded and broken, one lens shattered and bloody.

Image four: The fourth page of a digital comic about Miles Morales from the Spider-Verse movies. It begins with Miles' shoes, one planted on the wall while the other hangs is elevated, hanging over the edge. Two panels beneath it show his feet with one lowered slightly, and then both planted on the wall. They're accompanied by the sentence "the hovering moment where you can still simply step back". After this there's two different Miles, standing with their bodies facing the viewer but eyes facing each other. The first is taller, unmasked, and wearing his outfit from the rooftop party. His expression is pinched together, worried. The other is in his ill-fitting store-bought Spider-Man replica suit, body posed as if he's been caught by surprise. His eyes, from what is visible, are wide. Two panels separate them - one is completely black, while one has a spark of blue lightning bursting out of it. Finally, the sentence ends "... but then you'd just be there; waiting, doing nothing".

Image five: The final page of a digital comic about Miles Morales from the Spider-Verse movies. It starts with Miles' hand in the darkness, unfurling as he reaches out his index finger. Blue lightning sparks off of it, leaving his finger like a claw. This is surrounded by the line "and you can't let that happen,". Below that, Miguel O'Hara's gloved hand creeps towards Miles, curled and claws out, like he's just failed to grasp something. It is large compared to Miles, who is swinging through the air, looking back at the hand. His body is fairly loose. The page ends with the line "even if the first step is the steepest".]

looking down

[prettyoddfever]

This off-white t-shirt that was for sale at some shows during the 2008 Honda Civic Tour was really popular and was usually the one you'd see people asking other fans to grab for them in late spring because their show sold out in their size. This is the shirt that was sewn into a vest for Ryan that season btw:

FBR added this shirt to their webstore in August 2008 and some sizes sold out quickly but then got restocked. I remember some people complaining that FBR's shirt was a slightly different color than the one on tour, but others said it was the same. Idk, it looked like the same general off-white color to me. The band's name was still on the back of the right sleeve:

I liked this design because it was SO different from most t-shirt designs in this era (like in general, not just PATD) and was way more minimalist. A fan created some pngs that we could print out to iron on our own shirts, so I'll add them here if anyone wants them. They used the "Big Noodle Tilting" font and created their own heart:

That fall Hot Topic also came out with an off-white tote that had the same large "reinvent love" design on one side. Then the design of the band name (from the t-shirt's sleeve) got a heart added and was enlarged to be the graphic on the other side of the tote. The inside of the bag was a floral pattern that reminded me of the striped hoodie's lining:

FBR clearly loved how successful this whole design was. The webstore included a bonus sticker in the order packages for P!ATD fans in fall 2008:

The Rock Band Live Tour shows in fall 2008 used the same type of graphic:

And the shows on that tour had a black tote & shirt for sale:

Spencer did an interview with Out.com this season that had this question:

The most popular items at your merch booth seem to be a t-shirt and bag that say “Reinvent Love,” which is such a strong, inclusive message. Tell me about how that became the band slogan. It started out as a lyric in “Mad as Rabbits.” It was the last song we were recording for the album, and as we figured out how to fit it into the end of the song, it took on some more anthem-style cheer. As we went on tour, me and Ryan [Ross, Panic’s guitarist] talked about making a “Reinvent Love” shirt. At first it was just going to be on the Fueled By Ramen web store, just a limited edition thing because it didn’t have our band name on the front, and we didn’t know how many people would want to wear that. It ended up being a lot more popular than we thought it would. We were ending all of the concerts with that song, so that was the last thing that people were hearing. We wouldn’t want to be a part of anything that wasn’t that kind of that message. If there’s going to be some saying associated with our band, that’s a pretty good one. It goes along with everything we want to represent and the way that we feel.

This bracelet was added to FBR's webstore in December 2008 (after the Pretty. Odd. era had basically ended & around the time that Live in Chicago was released):

By the time this necklace got added to FBR's webstore in January 2009, a lot of fans were tired of this theme:

The necklace spawned more fan jokes about what was coming next at that point... my favorite was still the musical toaster:

So in March 2009 FBR just added the black shirt & tote to their webstore (the ones that were sold at shows in fall 2008) and then let the phrase rest so they could soon move onto overusing the return of the exclamation mark. lol jk.

[jwanniie]

hii, can i request g!p hanni? they're from different groups and both have a secret crush for eo, they have a big tension after Hanni's performance

Omg I love the idea anonie, do you want part two with the smut?😚

Hmm baby?

Hope u enjoy it babe! Not proofread wrote this half asleep🤓

Those colorful stage lights,the music on full volume, idols and fans cheering are all you could hear and see, You don’t honestly blame them how can they not when she completely devoured that stage. The way her body moves to the rhythm of music and the way she is dancing like there is no tomorrow. And oh, let’s not forget the vocals that came straight from heaven.

When the shortest 10 minutes of your life were done the award show was probably going to end soon, idols getting ready to leave and get their award you took one last glance at Hanni and she looked like she saw you, smirking and not breaking the eye contact. She felt her pants being to suffocating for her length and you felt your folds sticking to your panties. Hanni performed her solo stage just for you, for you to see her and be amazed by her and she honestly succeeded. You quickly got flustered broke the eye contact continuing moving with your group. Hannis group, NewJeans is going to be the last to leave since their performance was last, specifically Hannis performance.

Your group was in their room taking off the make up and changing into more normal and comfortable clothing. You were just sitting on the couch not really talking much you hoped your members wouldn’t notice and let you stay her while they go home ,you really wanted to wait for Hanni to finish. You got out of your thoughts when one of your members asked, “——are you going to take off your make up and change or…?”

“You guys can go home, I will be here for a while, maybe help them clean or something and if I get tired and ready to go I will call the manager to come pick me up” you replied with a warm smile not wanting to make them worry or anything. They agreed not wanting to argue with you knowing how stubborn you can be, you bid your members goodbye and hugged all of them.

Once you were alone you changed into more comfortable and normal clothes and took your make up off, when you were completely done. You grabbed your stuff and went towards the door where “NewJeans” was in a big font, it was pretty risky move. Knowing all of the members could be in there you decided to knock and what happens,happens.

You were met by the oldest member Minji her features couldn’t be ignored, you smiled at her and introduced yourself, she of course knew you since your group was pretty famous. She invited you to come in and all of the members came and greeted you one by one till one last member was left, Hanni.

She came with the biggest grin on plastered on her face, the tension was very high. Your cheeks immediately turning into a tomato and heart beat picking up. She knew the effects she had on you, she felt the same tension but tried to play it cool, you sat with her members for a while, laughing and giggling, while also sharing idol struggles.

Her members excused themselves since, they wanted you both get to “know” each other and spend some time alone. Once they left the tension came back but even more intense now.

“Did you like the performance?” Hanni asked with the most seductive voice while slightly bringing her hands closer to yours. At this point you were practically aching down there, your feeling down there made you completely out of this world not even knowing what Hanni said, she got you out of your thoughts when you felt a hand brush against your thigh “I asked something baby and I expect an answer, I don’t like saying it twice” her voice an octave lower with seriousness in it. She got closer to your face “hmm baby?” She questioned, you didn’t know what she even asked but you just decided to agree “y-yes” voice barely above a whisper. She smirked at your response her personality and voice was totally the opposite of the camera, in real life she is more teasing and playful, you loved both of her sides. Now that you realized how close your lips are, the urge to kiss her so so strong, it’s now or never you thought. Soon you felt a plush pair of lips against yours…

Do y’all want part 2 with a smut??

[yenqa]

the line in between

synopsis — in which it’s new year’s eve, 1999. and jay finds you on his doorstep right before midnight.

warnings — lots of mentions of dying (no one actually is but they think they’re going to + no violence), i think that’s it lmk

pairing — jay x gn!reader (i think)

wordcount — 1053

a/n — this is kind of like apple cider au + that one scene of 25/21 combined but also ignore how this is lowkey my fic “smart” in a different font erm

“What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?”

You let out a nervous smile trying to convince him to let you in. Though he has no idea what you���re doing at his house on New Year's and minutes to midnight, he lets you in. Deciding to push aside the question looking at your anxious expression.

He moves aside, inviting you in. You thank him, hastily taking your shoes off and taking off your jacket. Jay notice’s the matching sweaters you’re wearing, both navy blue though yours looks much more warm than his.

You sit down on the couch, tapping on the cushion next for him to sit down. He takes the seat happily, you sit in silence, both awkwardly watching the new year’s show playing on the tv.

He decides that he’s prolonged the question enough, asking again with a slightly quieter voice, “What are you doing here?”

Chuckling, you answer. “My parents aren’t back from their vacation yet, their plane got delayed. And I got kinda scared for the new year.”

“Scared? You’ve been through it hundreds of times.”

You nod, the situation almost feels too vulnerable. As if you moved a single inch the room would crumble in pieces.

“I heard someone say the world was going to end or go into chaos, I didn’t want to be alone if it was.”

He laughs. And you crack a smile hearing yourself.

You’re not usually one to believe superstitions or conspiracy theories. But so many were freaking out for the end of the century and you can’t say you weren’t either. The silly theories had gone to your head this time, leading you to where you were five minutes earlier, knocking on Jay’s door.

“You believe that?”

Shrugging, you say, “Anything could happen.”

Jay isn’t the kind to believe in that stuff, he finds it interesting but never enough to be scared of anything. Though he finds your gullibleness funny, he finds it cute how you balance eachother out, You’re usually energetic, and he’s always calm and laid back. You like romance books, he likes thriller and horror books. Even though you’re much better at not being nervous when reading those kinds of things—except for situations like now.

To put it simply, you perfectly balance eachother out, like yin and yang. You’re the perfect pair. The perfect pair of friends.

Though you wouldn’t say you’re friends. If anything your relationship is closer to a couple than anything. He’s never mentioned it, and you were still wondering about it yourself.

Is the line between friends and lovers supposed to be harsh? Should it be clear as day in the end or should it sneak up to you before you even know it? The line seems to blur every time your hands linger near each other, or the stares from afar seem to be too frequent to be an accident.

You find it stupid how a stupid line can define your relationship. But it really does. The blurred line makes it impossible for you two to be anything. On top of the line is fear. You don’t want to lose him because you were being too quick to do anything. You don’t want to lose him because he might not be the same way if anything did happen. You just didn’t want to lose the bond you had.

He snaps you out of your thoughts, asking, “Do you want something to drink, apple? I think we have apple cider, your favorite.”

His nickname for you had been there for years. Since he first saw you chug down a cup of apple cider on the New year’s you met, when you were both ten. You’re still surprised when he pulls that nickname out for you, sometimes it’s every day, sometimes you don’t hear it for weeks.

“No it’s okay, I’m too tired to have any.”

He raises an eyebrow, “It could wake you up?”

You stop to think about it for a few seconds, I mean nothing bad could happen while he’s away right? “Fine, but only if you have some. Be quick though! I don’t want to be alone when midnight strikes.”

He salutes, rushing to his kitchen. You sit in silence, zoning out you stare at the plant right next to his tv. Snapping out of it when fans start cheering on the tv. you’re quick to look around when the thirty second timer starts ticking down.

“Jay, hurry up! You’re going to miss it and die alone!” You call, he rushed back, stomping on the floor loudly to get back to the living room.

Just in time he hands you your drink, sitting down just where he was earlier. Taking a few sips and turning to him, you smile, “You made it.”

He grins, “Of course I did.”

You turn away, watching as the timer ticks down somehow so slowly but too fast for you. Your heart starts racing and you’re not sure whether it’s for the new year or the eyes next to you staring at you with a soft smile.

The timer gets to ten and your heart starts beating out of your chest, trying to calm down you turn to Jay, asking , “Can I hold onto your arm? I’m nervous.”

Jay laughs quietly, gently pushing your head on his shoulder so you can comfortably wrap your arm around his, squeezing it gently. You watch as the numbers sum down to 5, quietly counting down the numbers just so the other can hear.

You look back up with him, letting out a breathy laugh, “Happy New Year, Jay”

“Happy New Year, Y/n.”

You try to stay awake with all your might, hoping that if the night ends now you’ll at least have some last words, but your drowsiness takes over, and you’re asleep before you know it.

Jay looks down at your calm state, the squeeze you once had on his arm had been completely abandoned, leaving his arm cold and lonely. He watches as your chest rises and falls with every breath, he lets out a lovesick smile. One he would never let anyone see.

Though tonight everyone he knows and loves—including himself, might die or go into chaos just as you said. He decides he wouldn’t mind this being his last view before it all ends.

taglist : @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @boyfhee

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