#but anyway yeah i don't know that i really use gender neutral terms all that much but thats also bc most people don't. use neutral for me.

[altruistic-meme]

8 and 27!

eheheh hii :3

8: Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender: i did this earlier but also like. idk how to explain my gender cus it's just fucking There. i walk out into the world and hope that i don't get perceived and then i am anyway so i just hope they don't understand what they're looking at.

27: What gender-neutral terms for yourself or others do you use (i.e. joyfriend)? uhhhhhhhhhh i don't think i really use any? i mean i prefer child or sibling to the alternatives, and i don't like being called "aunt" but the term i like better isn't gender-neutral it's just tagalog sdfhsdf

[ ❤️🧡💛 pride asks 💚💙💜 ]

[minminbunny]

Best Friends to Lovers AU - Big Cock Singer! Bang Chan/Virgin Writer Gender Neutral! Reader

*smut part - AFAB/AMAB

💕Drabble Masterlist

❤️Ultimate Masterlist

"Chris, are you bitchless?" you asked, biting the ends of your pencil. Chan furrowed his eyebrows, "If you mean single then, yeah?" he said, setting his headphones down. "What brought this up?" he asked, leaning back against his chair. You purse your lips, "It's just your new song for the talent show. It's very intimate," you said, pointing the pencil at him. Chan chuckled, rubbing the back of his nape, "I didn't write that, Changbin helped," he said, gulping down the denial. You squint your eyes, "Damn so your co-writer was the one that was getting laid?" you said, tilting your head. 

Chan nodded, "Exactly, I don't have time for a one night stand. I work at night," he said, defending himself. "Was it Changbin's idea to be topless too?" you asked, seeing through his lies. Chan gulped, "That wasn't me. It was a stunt devil. That looked exactly like me," he said, his ears heating. You nodded your head, "Ah. Is that so? He sounded just like you, too. That's amazing," you said, your tone heavy with sarcasm. Chan bit his bottom lip and nodded, "Ahm, very amazing," he replied, having the same tone of sarcasm. 

You sighed and smiled, "Bestie between the both of us. You're the one who needs to get bitches," you said, faux sobbing. Chan blinked, "Wha- Why?" he asked, his face in disbelief. You faux a frown, "Because if you're writing imaginary sexual songs. Then you're basically me just song edition. One of us gotta not be a virgin in this friendship," you said, wiping your faux tears. Chan scoffed, his eyes wavering, "Of course. The stuff I write is definitely about someone, not creative freedom at all," he said, nervously laughing. 

You gave him a deadpan look, "You're a terrible liar," you said, cupping his cheeks. Chan frowned and looked up from his seat, "You're one to say," he grumbled, rolling his eyes. You pulled away, "So, you really want someone to ride you, huh?" you asked, crossing your arms. Chan gulped, "Writing about riding is easier in terms of metaphors!" he exclaimed, shaking his fist. You scoffed, "Sure, if it were one song. I'm pretty sure you made like three," you said, squinting at him. 

Chan pressed his tongue against his inner cheek, "Fine! You fucking cunt, yes! Maybe I fantasize about myself getting rode . It makes a good song and it spurs the fans on. Are you happy now?" he huffed, cheeks flushed with blush. You nodded, "Pleased. When's the last time you got some anyway?" you asked, setting your stuff aside. Clearly, this was more important than assignments. Chan nibbled his lip, "Months ago? I don't remember, I woke up the next day alone with no note," he sighed, brushing his hair back. 

You licked your lips, "What if I rode you? Would you allow that?" you asked, shuddering at his icy look. Chan tilted his head back, "You're tempting a dangerous game, little one," he said, his voice husky and low. You gulped, "I didn't know you have this side," you said, feeling intimidated. Chan chuckled, "Well, you were always my bratty little dongsaeng. There wasn't a need to overpower you," he said, standing up to pet your head. Your breath turned shallow and heavy, "Chris," you whispered, not knowing how to proceed. Chan noticed your dilemma, "Say please if you want me to take care of you, baby. Say no if you want me to stop. It's up to you, little one. I'm only here to provide," he reassured, stroking your hair. His fingers lightly brush against your cheek. You shuddered, looking up, "Please. Please take care of me," you said, your voice breathy and needy. Chan smirked, holding your chin, "Of course, anything for you, baby," he said, booping your nose. 

NSFW BELOW CUT

AFAB

"You're too big in this position," you whined, trying to ease yourself down his cock but it kept slipping between your dripping folds. Chan chuckled, "Baby, I already fingered your cunt open with four fingers, I'm pretty sure you're letting it slip away on purpose," he teases, lightly tapping his cockhead on your clit. You're mewling at the stimulation, "Help me? It's scary on my own," you sniffled, arching for his cock to fill up your ribbed walls after the long dragging foreplay his fingers teased to loosen your tight cunt. Chan hummed, aligning his leaking cockhead with your slightly gaping hole, "Deep breaths, little girl," he growled, hearing the audible crude pop of your cunt accepting his girthy tip. 

You whimpered against his chest, slowly easing yourself lower and lower down his hot veiny shaft. Chan kissed your hair, "That's it. You're so close, baby. Another half more," he said, rubbing your waist. You lifted your head, "This is only half?" you whined, feeling so full. Chan cooed, gripping your hips, "Let me help," he chuckled, bucking his hips upwards. "Hah, ah, hah," you moaned, arching your chest towards him. Chan hissed, rolling his hips, "There we go. Down to the hilt," he groaned, stroking your thighs as searing hot walls engulfed his throbbing hard cock. 

You hiccuped, your walls fluttering around his curved length, "Hah, fuck, fuck, fuck. It feels so good," you mewled, feeling the obvious tummy bulge when you leaned back. Chan growled at the sight, “Ah, shit. You took me so well, babygirl. Look at that bulge, so perfect for me," he rambled, his hair matting to his forehead as hot breaths escaped his lips. You lifted your hips, and gripped his shoulders, "Oh, yes. Hah, hah, ah," you whimpered, feeling his cockhead messaged against your sensitive bundle of nerves. Chan growled, watching your thigh trembled each time to fucked yourself down his cock. 

Your bounce's were deep and through, his cockhead kissed your cervix every time you rode. Chan huffed, gripping your hips firmer, "I'm sorry, little one. I know it feels good but fuck are you slow," he groaned, thrusting his hips upwards in tandem with your bounces. You cried out at the sudden thrust, tears dripping down your cheek, "Chris, chris, hah, fuck!" You cried, burrowing your face into his chest as he fucked up into your needy cunt at a relentless pace. Chan nosed your neck, he licked and kissed your skin, "That feels way better, yeah? My big fucking cock pounding your tiny little cunt," he groaned, thrusting harder and faster. 

"Hhgh, hah, more please, ah," you moaned, your eyes rolling back at the constant pleasure buzzing through your body. Chan chuckled, kissing your forehead, "Cum for me, little girl. I can feel your needy cunt milk my cock. Your walls are fluttering so fucking much," he said, his voice husky and low. "There, there, fuck!" You cried, dragging your nails down his chest as your orgasm broke. Chan hissed at your scratches, your walls squeezing around his girthy cock, "Good girl," he praised, thrusting through your orgasm. You sniffled, whimpering when he continued, "Too much, Chris," you whined, feeling his rough fingers rub your clit in tandem. 

Chan groaned against your shoulder, his teeth grazing your skin, "Shit, shit, hah. I'm cumming," he groaned, thrusting deeply one last time before pumping deep within your walls. Another climax broke from you, your ears buzzed from the pleasure. Chan rubbed your back, stroking your cheek, "I'm never letting you go now, little one. The moment you said please means you agreed to the casualties," he whispered, nuzzling your hair. You sniffled, burrowing yourself into his chest. Chan chuckled, "You're alright, baby. It's safe. It's just you and me," he hummed, slowly thrusting his cock in and out of your dripping cunt

AMAB

"You're too big in this position," you whined, trying to ease yourself down his cock but it kept slipping between your dripping ass. Chan chuckled, "Baby, I already fingered your hole open with four fingers, I'm pretty sure you're letting it slip away on purpose," he teases, lightly tapping his cockhead on your rim. You're mewling at the stimulation, "Help me? It's scary on my own," you sniffled, arching for his cock to fill up your ribbed walls after the long dragging foreplay his fingers teased to loosen your tight hole. Chan hummed, aligning his leaking cockhead with your slightly gaping hole, "Deep breaths, little boy," he growled, hearing the audible crude pop of your hole accepting his girthy tip.

You whimpered against his chest, slowly easing yourself lower and lower down his hot veiny shaft. Chan kissed your hair, "That's it. You're so close, baby. Another half more," he said, rubbing your waist. You lifted your head, "This is only half?" you whined, feeling so full. Chan cooed, gripping your hips, "Let me help," he chuckled, bucking his hips upwards. "Hah, ah, hah," you moaned, arching your chest towards him. Chan hissed, rolling his hips, "There we go. Down to the hilt," he groaned, stroking your thighs as searing hot walls engulfed his throbbing hard cock.

You hiccuped, your walls fluttering around his curved length, "Hah, fuck, fuck, fuck. It feels so good," you mewled, feeling the obvious tummy bulge when you leaned back. Chan growled at the sight, “Ah, shit. You took me so well, babyboy. Look at that bulge, so perfect for me," he rambled, his hair matting to his forehead as hot breaths escaped his lips. You lifted your hips, and gripped his shoulders, "Oh, yes. Hah, hah, ah," you whimpered, feeling his cockhead messaged against your sensitive bundle of nerves. Chan growled, watching your thigh trembled each time to fucked yourself down his cock.

Your bounce's were deep and through, his cockhead kissed your prostate every time you rode. Chan huffed, gripping your hips firmer, "I'm sorry, little one. I know it feels good but fuck are you slow," he groaned, thrusting his hips upwards in tandem with your bounces. You cried out at the sudden thrust, tears dripping down your cheek, "Chris, chris, hah, fuck!" You cried, burrowing your face into his chest as he fucked up into your needy hole at a relentless pace. Chan nosed your neck, he licked and kissed your skin, "That feels way better, yeah? My big fucking cock pounding your tiny little hole," he groaned, thrusting harder and faster.

"Hhgh, hah, more please, ah," you moaned, your eyes rolling back at the constant pleasure buzzing through your body. Chan chuckled, kissing your forehead, "Cum for me, little boy. I can feel your needy hole milk my cock. Your walls are fluttering so fucking much," he said, his voice husky and low. "There, there, fuck!" You cried, dragging your nails down his chest as your orgasm broke. Chan hissed at your scratches, your walls squeezing around his girthy cock, "Good boy," he praised, thrusting through your orgasm. You sniffled, whimpering when he continued, "Too much, Chris," you whined, feeling his rough fingers stroke your cock in tandem.

Chan groaned against your shoulder, his teeth grazing your skin, "Shit, shit, hah. I'm cumming," he groaned, thrusting deeply one last time before pumping deep within your walls. Another climax broke from you, your ears buzzed from the pleasure. Chan rubbed your back, stroking your cheek, "I'm never letting you go now, little one. The moment you said please means you agreed to the casualties," he whispered, nuzzling your hair. You sniffled, burrowing yourself into his chest. Chan chuckled, "You're alright, baby. It's safe. It's just you and me," he hummed, slowly thrusting his cock in and out of your dripping hole.

[blossom-hwa]

manège | k.th

pairing: Taehyun x gender neutral!reader genre:  fluff, a little angst and comfort, ballet dancer!taehyun and pianist!reader warnings: n/a word count: 1.4k notes: — this pairing's been on my mind for a good year or so, so I'm very happy to have finally written something for them :) please note that I've only been doing ballet for a couple years now, so if I've used any terms incorrectly, I'm very sorry! — for some clarification, mc and taehyun go to an arts school, and mc volunteers as one of the pianists for the ballet studio Taehyun finds his way back to you, again.  

TXT Masterlist

manège: a classical ballet term for “circular,” which describes a series of steps done in a circular pattern around the stage

. . . . .

"...Taehyun?"

The question of his name is quiet enough that if he hadn't noticed the opening of the door in the corner of the mirror, he would have missed it. As it stands, his mind barely processes your voice emerging from behind the door, and it takes a moment to shake off the double tours and pirouettes before he can even recognize the face appearing in the mirror. He blinks sweat away from his eyes. "Y/N?"

"It's late," you say, stepping into the empty studio. "You're still practicing?"

As one, you both look at the clock hanging on the wall. It's long past eight, when Taehyun initially told himself he'd stop—long past nine, even.

Suddenly all of the exhaustion of the day seems to hit him at once. His muscles ache, sweat keeps dripping down his face no matter how much he wipes away, and there's a small but consistent flare of pain in his calf that he should really stop and massage out. Really, he wants nothing more than to just sit down against the wall, or maybe even flop onto the floor and stare at the ceiling while seeing nothing at all. He's been here since eight in the morning and his body clearly knows it.

"Yeah," is all he says in lieu of articulating all of this, though, because his throat feels gravelly and words are hard. "What are you doing here?" he asks instead. It's at least as fair of a question for you as yours was for him.

"I had class," you say. Taehyun takes in your leggings, the loose T-shirt almost covering your shorts, and remembers yes, there was a lower-level class held almost immediately after you got off your shift. "I stayed after to practice."

He frowns. "For almost five hours?" You were playing the piano for his company class until it ended at three. Your adult beginner class ends at four thirty, and it's past nine.

"Not ballet." You shift the weight of several books in your arms, and only then does Taehyun see their worn paper bindings, the music markings on the covers, and remember that people practice things besides dance. "Evaluations coming up. There was a free piano in one of the empty studios."

Ah. Taehyun nods. And then the room falls into silence again, broken only by the sounds of your breathing.

"So." You walk to the empty piano in the room, placing your books on the top before looking at him expectantly. "What are you working on?"

It takes him a moment to register your words, to understand that you're not telling him to leave or go home or get some rest. All of which he should do, but the looming specter of the showcase next week won't let him. "You're not going to tell me to go home and rest?" he asks regardless, and even though his throat squeaks a bit after spending so many hours in silence, you don't laugh. Not at that, anyway.

"Well, would you have gone home if I'd said you should?" you reply, raising an eyebrow. He shakes his head and a smile curves his lips when you give a little laugh. "See?"

"Point taken," he says, and when you laugh again he laughs too. "Grand Pas Classique," he answers your original question. "For the showcase. Next week."

Your mouth parts in a little 'o'. "This one?" you ask, playing out a short melody. He nods. "Can I see?"

He should. He shouldn't. He at once wants to but doesn't, wants to let the melody sing in his blood as he double tours and entrechats around the room, spinning and leaping across the floor, but he also knows that you're here. And if Taehyun is his own harshest critic, he becomes even harsher when someone else is in the room.

You look at him, though, and he looks at you, and he knows that you see him for himself. See the sweaty hair matted into clumps, see the muscles aching behind his skin, see the work put into every effortlessly pointed toe and graceful finger as he takes his beginning position in front of the mirror. And when the music begins to play, the melody spilling into his ears and then into his blood, he looks into the mirror and smiles not because he has to, but because your watchful eyes will never hold judgment. Will never hold disappointment. Will only ever see him, see Taehyun Kang the person and not Taehyun Kang the dancer, and will cherish him for it.

When he's done, the applause of one person cuts through the labored silence of his breathing, and it's enough to keep the smile on his face, to let his muscles finally relax, to wipe the sweat from his brow and sit down. Or—not really. He's still a little too wired to sit, but he leans against the wall of the studio and gestures to where you sit at the piano like it's the most natural position in the world, ready to play but not. "Show me something," he says when he has enough breath to speak. "What are you working on?"

There's a moment when you're flipping through your books, skimming pages filled with music and your careful notes, where Taehyun loses himself, for a moment, in you. When you squint at a few pages, then put the book back on top of the piano, then position yourself at the keys. The preparation—the careful placement of your fingers just as deliberate as his pointed toes and graceful hands—the moment where time holds still, before you give in to the song in your mind and your heart and allow the music to flow through your veins.

It all comes back to you, Taehyun thinks as your fingers waltz and whirl across the keys, dance in enchanting patterns of black and white. From him, to you, back to him and then to you again—in manège, arabesques and jetés leaping about the stage, coming away from the center only to reach it again the way everything always returns to you. Your voice, your music, always there. Always constant. Pulling him back to earth when he threatens to topple over the edge, never once wavering in your strength or patience even when you see the worst parts of him over and over.

He's sitting down by the time you stop playing, fingers gentle yet unyielding against the piano, coaxing a last, wavering echo from its depths before your hands rise, suspended in the air, then fall to your lap. When you look up, the fluorescent studio lights seem to burn your figure into his vision, like the afterimage of a lightning strike behind his eyes. "That was beautiful," he says, and he means it in more ways than one.

And you accept the praise in more ways than one, in the smile on your lips, in the twinkle in your eyes, in the moment where you sit down next to him, back against the wall, and let him lean his sweaty head on your shoulder with no complaint about how gross it must feel. "Thank you," you say, and when you do, the melody racing through his veins finally calms.

It's almost ten, now, the clock still ticking away on the wall. But you make no move to get up and neither does Taehyun, even when you murmur "Home?" in a voice that only makes him lean further into you, even when he makes a noise of agreement in the back of his throat. In the end, it takes nearly twenty minutes for you to finally pat his knee and say get up, Taehyun. And then he disappears to change and wash up and collect his things, and maybe in the shower he can feel himself beginning to fade away again, but then you're standing right outside the locker room and when he slips his hand into yours, he comes back to earth. Manège. Circling you, always. Leaving. Returning. Orbiting. Joining.

Music dancing through his blood and yours, a song that he will always be able to follow back home.

Reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated! Hope you enjoyed this, and have a lovely day :)

[denaliwrites]

It's How I'm Made

Tenth Doctor x Genderfluid!Reader

Summary: The Doctor has been especially protective of you since your coming out, even willing to go to bat for you in the face of aliens that look like they could probably snap him in half. Can be read as a sequel to On the Brave Shit.

Soundtrack: YES MOM by Tessa Violet

Requests: Open!

Warnings: Enbyphobia. Misgendering. Anxiety.

"Do you really think you can stop me, little girl?" the alien in front of you taunted, and you hated that it worked, that you wavered, that you almost lost your grip on the pipe you were using as a makeshift weapon.

The alien laughed, rubbing salt on the wound.

"Oh, come on now," you heard the Doctor say from behind you. "You can't be that dull. I mean," he paused for effect, scratching the back of his head as he awkwardly shuffled closer, "that's obviously an adult human. And, also, he's clearly a man. I mean, look at him!" The Doctor motioned vaguely at all of you, with a knowing look shot to you before shifting back into a passive expression.

Your heart swelled, though, and with a new surge of confidence your grip tightened and you stood firmer, facing off the alien with a glare.

"Don't be ridiculous, this is obviously--"

"An adult human male, yes," the Doctor cut in, followed up with a dramatically exasperated sigh. "Really, you'd think an alien from a planet with sixty-seven genders would get it, wouldn't you?" he asked, turning to you.

You blinked. "Sixty-seven?"

"Oh, yes," the Doctor said cheerfully. "And, remarkably, none of them are 'male' or 'female.' I mean, they have a few that are close enough, at least in terms of what a human can wrap their head around."

"Oh." That explained why the alien in front of you seemed... like a guy? You thought, anyway.

"Could also be the perception filter," the Doctor commented absentmindedly. "Anyway. Apologize to my friend, please." You knew the Doctor well enough to tell when he was no longer making polite requests. When he was angry.

And by God, he was pissed.

The alien, luckily, seemed to catch onto that. It turned to you, bowing deeply. "My sincerest apologies."

"Oh. Er... accepted?" You weren't... really sure what to make of this whole situation. It wasn't every day you got misgendered by an alien from a species with sixty-seven genders yet couldn't seem to grasp the idea of gender presentation.

As if no transgression had passed, the Doctor effortlessly moved on with a grin. "Now, how about we get you home?"

After you and the Doctor had dropped the alien off on its home planet and you had met, by your estimate, sixteen and a half of those aforementioned sixty-seven genders, you leaned against the TARDIS doors while the Doctor flipped random switches on the console -- you swore it was different every time.

"Are you all right?" the Doctor asked suddenly, and it was only then that you realized there were tears rolling down your cheeks.

"Erm, y-yeah, I'm... fine."

He did not look convinced -- understandably.

"Listen, what that alien said --"

"Is that all people see when they look at me? A little girl playing dress up?" you asked suddenly, stopping the Doctor in his tracks. "Is that all I'll ever be?"

The Doctor looked so devastated for a moment before he cleaned up his expression and replaced it with his carefully curated neutral default.

"I thought--" You were cut off by a sob that you did your best to choke back. "I thought I looked so great today."

"Hey, now," the Doctor said, joining you at the door in a few long bounds. You stared up at him hopelessly. "You do look great," he assured you as he leaned against the door with you. "You look how you want to look, and that's what matters. Right?"

"Not if people don't see me as what I'm trying to be."

"Oh, there's no trying," the Doctor said. "You are what you are. Other people don't matter. Even I don't matter. The only person, or alien, or whatever, who matters is you."

The way he looked at you made your heart swell, but you still weren't entirely convinced.

"Do you feel masculine right now?" he asked.

"Not really," you answered honestly.

"... Right. Well. I should've expected that. Okay. Did you feel masculine before that alien said anything?"

"... Yeah," you answered, still honest.

"Then you're masculine. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Especially an alien from a species with sixty-seven genders and yet no concept of being a different gender than the one you were born as."

"Do they have trans aliens in that species?"

"Yes! That's why it's so baffling!" the Doctor sighed exasperatedly.

"Oh, so they're just.... like, a mega bigot," you observed with a laugh. The Doctor returned the sound, and the two of you dissolved into a fit of giggles that lasted way too long, yet not long enough.

[im-not-samantha-im-samanta]

Hiii! Could you please write some hcs for Loona from Helluva Boss with a succubus gf that's asexual and often feels like there's something wrong with her/an outsider with her "crowd", as succubus/incubus culture practically surrounds all things related to sex?

Hello, nonny! Welcome here! ^^

As for your request, yes! You can definitely get such hcs! ^^ Actually, I was overjoyed to see your request, as a fellow ace I really appreciate it!! <3

You can probably tell how much I enjoyed writing these judging by how long these imagines are ^^".

I also started it off as general headcanons before getting to the part of Reader feeling like an outcast, hope that's okay. <3

Anyways, thank you for your request, nonny! I really enjoyed it! Hope you'll enjoy reading these! <3

_

🐾🌒 // Loona having an asexual succubus girlfriend // 🌘🐾

___________________________________________

Type: Imagines

Settings: Romantic

Genre: Mostly fluff, a bit of hurt/comfort included just like asked,

!TRIGGER WARNING!: Typical Helluva boss mentions, light mentions of acephobia from other 'cubus demons, light mentions of sex related things, brief mentions of drinking alcohol, mentions of smoking cigarettes, mentions of food and its consumption, talks about feeling insecure about your sexuality due to cultural beliefs, mentions of feeling of not belonging, that should be all!

Sidenote: I didn't want to keep on writing "succubus/incubus" so I improvised and used "'cubus" as a gender neutral term,

Sidenote: Reader is written as a female as asked in the request

_

That should be all,

Enjoy <3

___________________________________________

Being an asexual and a succubus don't necessarily go together,

but that doesn't mean it can't happen!

Sure, it seems like it's not often a Succubus or an Incubus fall under the ace umbrella,

but it definitely happens here and there,

People just aren't that aware of it as it seems like something impossible,

(Plus I firmly believe many ace Succubi and Incubi are closeted or in denial because they're ashamed of themselves since the 'cubus culture is so dedicated to sex related things),

So yeah,

Not many people are aware a 'cubus can be on the asexual spectrum,

Loona wasn't aware either,

And neither was Blitzø,

Why am I mentioning Blitzø?

Because the moment you showed interest in Loona,

my man immediately went to protective dad mode,

The public doesn't have that positive views on Succubi/Incubi,

and Blitzø himself doesn't have that good experience with them,

So, the moment you seemed to take an interest in Loona,

Blitzø went for his gun,

(Metaphorically? Literally? Who knows? It's Blitzø),

And Loona herself was a little unsure of being the focus of a succubus' attention,

because from what she knew,

succubi and incubi really liked to see people as mere sexual objects,

And mind you, Loona liked to be viewed as hot,

but she didn't like being sexualized,

something succubi and incubi liked to do with people,

But then you timidly explained how you're asexual,

and how you're not interested in Loona sexually but rather romantically,

Cue to two shocked faces,

And while Blitzø doesn't fully buy it,

Loona is pretty flustered because people usually just drool over her body,

but you actually want her for her?

This never happened to her before!

Long story short,

the two of you ended up going on a date and eventually became a couple!

With Blitzø's approval after you've proven to actually like Loona for Loona,

and not just her body,

But he's still watching your every move,

waiting for any wrong move-

Anyways!

Loona adores you,

and she really tries to not let it show,

but everyone can easily tell how much she adores you,

She just finds it so odd yet endearing that you're not interested in her sexually,

like the fact you look at her and don't have the desire to ...y'know...

and instead you just admire how pretty she is,

and you tell her how hot you find her in an ace way,

She finds it so endearing and so wholesome,

This whole thing is also a brand new territory for Loona,

completely new experience,

so she can get a little awkward and timid at times,

but it's very cute,

And before the two of you got together,

Loona seriously asked you about boundaries,

Loona knows quite enough things about the LGBTQIA+,

but still, after your first date going well,

she went to the net and searched some stuff on asexuality,

And when she was sure she liked you,

the next time you two met up, she wanted to know details,

Where are you on the ace spectrum? Are you sex repulsed? Are you comfortable with physical affection?

She asked so many questions,

She didn't want to miss any important information,

cuz she didn't want to end up overstepping boundaries and making you uncomfortable, <3

She's also an indirect supporter,

Which means,

she acts really indifferent but secretly does things to show she cares and you have her support,

So, for example,

she'll gift you something with your asexual flag with the words:

"I randomly saw that on the net and thought you might like it or whatever, so, I got it for ya"

She says that, but she actually deliberately searches for such things online,

She also has your flag pinned on the wall above her bed,

so that whenever you come visit you know you're accepted there, <3

Also bullies asks the others to have some asexual merch on them during Asexual awareness week,

And if you're not present during that, Loona sends you a photo of the team with the ace merch,

And with the caption:

"Look at them bootlickers, brown nosing so bad for your approval, smh. Happy awareness week tho :) <3"

No, she doesn't tell you it was her doing,

Also, speaking of merch,

Loona encourages you to wear your flag and be open about your sexuality,

But she doesn't push you into expressing yourself if you're not ready,

or if it makes you uncomfortable,

She understands that being a succubus on the ace spectrum sucks,

because there's so much stigma in the 'cubus community against ace 'cubi,

Still though,

If you're open about being ace Succubus,

you can notice that the other succubi/incubi don't dare harass you as much ever since getting with Loona,

Maybe it's because having a goth Hellhound by your side scares everyone off,

or maybe it's because of the many times Loona almost bit off the heads off your harasser's necks,

and got you kicked out of many public spaces,

not to mention a few of Loona's justice assaults have been going around the internet...

Yeah, other succubi/incubi rarely have any acephobic remarks nowadays,

Though here and there assholes like that still appear,

Loona can protect you from them though,

but what she can't really protect you from are your doubts,

She can't really scare away your feelings of there being something wrong with you because you're a succubus but also an asexual,

She can't scare away those feeling of being an outcast in your own species,

She can't scare away those feelings of not connecting to your own culture,

She wished she could scare those doubts away,

but she can't,

So she has to settle for a different approach,

One of the things Loona does to make you feel better is digging through your culture,

digging through your culture and finding non-sexual aspects you can celebrate and connect with,

And she puts great emphasis on the fact you can appreciate your own culture even if you don't connect to some aspects of it,

"Hey, every culture has some bullshit things that suck about them, and just because there are some aspects you don't connect with doesn't mean you can't appreciate your own culture or that you're not a valid part of it"

Loona also encourages you to join groups, whether that be in real life or online, of Succubi/Incubi who are also asexual,

There definitely are some support groups of that sorts,

Just gotta do search hard,

And Loona definitely can do that,

And if you happen to meet the other ace 'cubi in real life,

Loona is there to support you,

And she's also there as a protector,

Nobody would dare harass a group of asexual 'cubi with a goth Hellhound around,

And if we're talking about Loona after Beelzebub's party,

She definitely asks her new friends to accompany y'all,

After all, who would dare harass you all with a pack of scary hellhounds around?

Another thing Loona does to support you when you feel down is being your shoulder to cry on,

It may not sound like much,

but it's really a valuable way to help,

Loona lets you vent and cry as much as you need,

She doesn't judge you in any way, and she patiently listens to all you're holding in your chest,

And, when you vent, she accommodates to your preferences,

If you need physical closeness, she'll hold you for as long as you need like there's no tomorrow,

If you just need for her to hear you out, she'll keep quiet and just let you talk,

If you need some input from her, she'll comment on what you're saying,

though she may not always have an advice or answer,

she still tries to always say something back if you need that,

Or if you just want to sit in silence but need her to be physically present, she will stay,

She will keep you company for as long as you want, even if you just want for each of you to do your own activity,

And she'll cuss out anyone who tries to disturb you in these moments,

During those silent moments she'll often glance your way though,

just to make sure you're alright,

But she'll also distract you if that's your preferred way of being comforted,

She has many silly videos to share and laugh at,

so many songs to listen to and vibe with,

or even movies or tv series to binge watch,

you decide,

and she'll provide some nice drinks and snacks too,

she'll even give you a cigarette if you're a smoker,

or an alcoholic drink if you're a drinker,

However, she won't let you overdo it,

she won't let you smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in one sitting because you're unwell,

and she won't let you drink away your sorrows and get wasted,

No, she'll keep you in check,

she loves you too much to let you indulge in self destructive, addictive behaviors,

And same for food,

If you're an emotional eater, she will make sure you don't eat to the point you get sick and throw up,

but also if you're the person who refuses to eat when dealing with bad emotions,

she won't let you starve yourself,

she'll have you eat at least a little snack,

Also in terms of distractions,

Loona can talk your ears off if you need that,

She isn't that much of a talker,

but she still has a lot to share, personal stories, opinions, passions, random thoughts,

She'll talk about whatever and for as long as you want,

Also, words of affirmation,

If you need those, Loona will shower you in those,

Loona isn't all that good with expressing her feelings,

she's quite awkward and uneasy about it,

But she'll try her best to reassure you you're valid,

and that she loves you just the way you are,

No "but"s or "in spite of"s,

And she'll sympathize with you,

even if she can't fully understand your experience as she's not a succubus nor an asexual,

But she's supportive and feels for you,

and she's there for you,

that's what matters,

___________________________________________

[sundrop-writes]

Announcing my new fic: Heaven's Gate

Heaven's Gate is a long oneshot starring Daryl Dixon and a gender neutral reader character, featuring angst, hurt and comfort, and some fluff.

NOW POSTED!!!!!

In this fic, you and Daryl get separated when the prison is attacked by the Governor, and though you both believe the other person is dead, you two end up finding each other at the most unexpected time. This fic is about hope, the human connection, and how love is about more than romance - it's about how people take pieces of each other and grow with them, never truly able to forget each other.

This fic is going to be a longer oneshot that is currently about 15k long - and will likely be longer by the time it has gone through editing. It is 80% of the way done in my drafts (not including editing), and I hope to have it posted by April 30th - which is a tentative date that may change. If you want to know for certain when the fic is posted, you can follow me here and turn on notifcations or you can subscribe to me on AO3 to get an email notification when the fic is posted. I am really excited to share this fic with all of you 💖.

Below is a short preview of the fic - so if you wanna get a better sense for the upcoming fic you can read it. If you enjoy this preview and you're excited for what the fic holds, please let me know!

Also an important note: with my gender neutral reader fics, I don't use any references to gender whatsoever (this is not a 'GN afab' fic). And in this fic in particular, I didn't use any pronouns (other than you/yours) or gendered terms for the reader - and at points where the terms they/them were used, I made it purposefully vague so that the dialogue could be referring to the whole group as 'they' or just the reader. I want my gender neutral fics to be enjoyed by everyone - cis women, cis men, gender non conforming people, trans people - every kind of fanfiction reader.

I am making this post for two major reasons - one, I want to generate as much excitement for oneshots as there is for series. Especially for oneshots that are longer than 10k because those take a lot of time and effort. If a series is like a TV show, then long oneshots are like a feature film. And two - nobody seems to read my pinned post where I announce new upcoming fics anyway, so I might as well make posts like these so that people can know what to expect from me. And hopefully you guys will get excited about my upcoming fics this way. And when I tag these posts with the relevant tags, people interested in those topics can follow me to anticipate the fic if they want to read it.

Heaven's Gate (Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader) - Preview

Preview Word Count: 1,800

Warnings: no pronouns used for the reader other than you/yours; there are major plot spoilers for The Walking Dead if you are watching the show for the first time - spoilers for Season 2 all the way up through Season 5; typical warnings for TWD - mentions of death, emotional despair; all of these themes and emotions are expanded upon in the full fic.

...

“Daryl!” 

You called out his name as you jogged up toward the stables, and he stopped in his tracks, waiting for you to catch up with him. 

“Daryl, hey.” You greeted him with a small smile. “Rick told me you’d be up here.” 

He grunted in reply. “Yeah. ‘m gonna take a horse out. Make better ground t’ look for the girl.” 

Your stomach clenched at him mentioning her. 

The group was supposed to be headed out towards Fort Bennet - supposed to be finding refuge at the hopefully safe military base. Instead, you were all setting up camp at the very reluctant Hershel Greene’s farm, not straying too far from where you had lost one of your own in the hopes of finding her. 

But that was why you had come to talk to Daryl in the first place. 

Sophia had become like a sister to you in the few short months that you had known her, and though it was unlikely, you were hopeful that she was alive - that she would be found. And you did believe that Daryl would be the one to find her. 

“How’s the trail?” You asked. “Do you think you know which way she headed? You - you can be honest with me.” 

You hesitated on the last part. But you did want his honesty more than anything. And you knew that he was never one to sugar-coat things. Even if you hadn’t told him that, he would have given you the truth anyway. 

“Trail’s a little muddy.” He said, doling out that honesty. “‘m gon follow the river. It’s her biggest landmark out there, so she’ll probably be somewhere around it.” 

You smiled at him. And then, you remembered - 

“I brought you something.” You noted, reaching for the back pocket of your jeans. 

Daryl watched with quiet curiosity as you pulled out a piece of paper - when you showed it to him, he quickly realized that it was a half-used set of stickers. 

“These are some of the stickers that I got for Sophia,” You explained. “My mom always used to tell me that cardinals are good luck.” 

You peeled off a sticker of a bright red bird - as much of a nature man as he was, Daryl was never one for bird watching. He didn’t care about identifying certain species of birds unless he could shoot and eat them. But he quickly reasoned that this must be the cardinal that you spoke of. 

“Give me your bow.” You said, shoving the rest of the sticker sheet into your back pocket again and holding out your hand expectantly. 

“I don’t need no luck.” He replied, voice full of snark. 

“Just give it.” You replied - equally snarky, equally stubborn. 

Daryl sighed and tugged his bow’s strap over his head, presenting it to you. You placed the sticker on the bow’s handle, in one of the places where it wasn’t as worn down from him holding it. 

“There,” You said, giving it back to him with a smile. “Now you’re all set.” 

It was more for you than it was for him - a token of good faith and protection. The idea that you could do something to bring Sophia home when you felt so powerless. 

Daryl let out a harsh sound - somewhere between a laugh and a sarcastic snort as he walked away. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome,” You replied brightly, edging on sarcastic once again. 

… 

When the prison was attacked, Daryl got out with Beth. 

He almost couldn’t stand her bright eyes, big eyes staring at him, waiting for answers - her chirpy little voice, prodding at him, demanding that they ‘follow the trail’ and go look for everyone else. Telling him that he was a tracker, that he could find them. As if it was his damn responsibility just because he had the skills to get it done. 

It was all too reminiscent of you, telling him that he could find Sophia. That it wasn’t an ‘if’ - it was a ‘when’. 

Perhaps that was what got him off his ass and doing what he did best - reading the dirt. 

“What’re you doin’?” He asked, staring at the girl curiously as she went to one of the bushes and rushed to pick berries from branches. Had she not gotten enough to eat that morning? 

“They’ll be hungry when we find them.” Beth told him confidently. 

Of course. That undefeatable streak of optimism. 

Daryl knew that blueberries weren’t your favorite - but he should have something to give you. He would be too busy tracking the footprints to properly hunt for squirrels or rabbits and clean them for you. So, he found himself pulling a large bandana from his back pocket and offering it to Beth - something to hold the berries in to keep them safe as an offering for you. 

“Here.” He grunted at her. 

Beth smiled at him. 

It was one of the last smiles she gave him for a long time. 

When they came across those bodies splayed out beside the tracks - any sense of hope was crushed inside of him. The picture you had gifted him was heavy inside his breast pocket, and he hated that tears threatened his eyes - even if he knew that none of those bodies belonged to you. There was no trace of you there. 

The days started to blur into each other, and Daryl couldn’t get you off his mind. 

One hazy evening, as they both stared into the fire with dead looks on their faces, he took the drawing out of his pocket and unfolded it. 

For good luck. 

He didn’t believe in luck - because it didn’t exist. The world was fucked. Nobody was lucky. You and your good luck were dead. 

He tossed the drawing into the fire, and it was only a moment, when the corner of it had barely caught, when Beth snatched it out. She stomped on it with her boot, successfully saving it. 

“Don’t do that.” She hissed at him. 

Daryl snatched it from her, and crumbled it up, tossing it aside. He let out a grunt, but refused to look at her. 

“That was from Y/N, wasn’t it?” She posed. 

He could feel her imposing stare as she waited for an answer. 

He didn’t give her one. 

“You can’t burn them just because you think they’re dead.” Beth sighed. “You can’t burn up memories. We’re gonna find them. Y/N, and Maggie, and Michonne, and - and everyone.” 

Daryl scoffed. “Yeah. Cause that’s gon’ happen.” 

Beth rolled her eyes, but didn’t speak any further on the subject. 

After she had fallen asleep - when the fire was dull, Daryl picked up the crumbled ball and smoothed it out again. The charred corner hadn’t even touched your bird. He felt like a fool doing it, just as much of a fool as he accused you of being, but he folded it neatly - well, as neatly as he could - and then put it back into his breast pocket again. 

But that was the thing - Daryl wished that he could. He wished he could burn up those memories. 

That you would stop haunting him. Then he wouldn’t have to feel like this anymore.

… 

“Can I see it again?” Beth asked, suddenly changing the subject. 

Again, this was a confusing little whip for Daryl - something that clearly only made sense to Beth in her own drunken mind. 

“See what?” Daryl replied. 

“The picture.” Beth answered. “The one you tried to burn.” 

Daryl felt a pinch of guilt surge over him at the thought. Oddly enough, this was the one time he would be willing to admit that Beth was right - you can’t burn up memories. 

“It was Y/N, wasn’t it? That drew it.” Beth added on, her words slurring slightly - she lifted the mason jar of booze to her lips again and Daryl was tempted to snatch it away from her. 

Instead, he found his hand drifting to his breast pocket and reaching to take the picture out. He presented it to Beth, who put down her drink to unfold it - she stared at the picture fondly under the brightness of the moonlight, tracing a finger over the slightly faded details. 

“You know… my daddy used to tell me that a cardinal is like an angel.” Beth said, recognizing the bird from her father’s teachings on the farm. “Someone - someone you loved who passed away, watching over you from heaven.” 

“Y/N said they was good luck.” Daryl replied. 

Beth shrugged. “Same thing.” 

It was this thought that kept Daryl going for a long time. The idea that even if you were dead, you were watching over him somehow. He sure as hell didn’t believe that someone like Merle would be an angel - but you, you definitely were. And even if it was a waste of your eternal life, you would be determined to watch over Daryl - to make sure that he was safe, well-guided. 

You would make sure that he was lucky. 

That thought alone carried him through the long journey to D.C. 

It was something that lingered in his mind as the group hunkered down in a random barn - as he spotted something carved into one of the wooden beams holding the place up. Even though it wasn’t colored, he could have sworn that the long tail and pointed head of the silhouette indicated that the carving was meant to be cardinal. Of course. 

Who knows who had stayed in the barn before them - if it had been left there by a weary traveler, or even put there by someone who had used the barn before the turn. But Daryl could have sworn that you - your ghost, your angelic hand - had led him to this very spot. 

It was a thought that gave him strength as he held the doors up - helped to keep them from caving in while the storm raged outside. 

Your luck, and your damn bird - you would keep him safe. 

When they reached Alexandria, and they were forced to give up their weapons - Daryl spotted your bird perched on the fence. Bright red, with its pointy head cocked sideways at him. All too knowing, staring at him like it wanted to say something. Just like it had been when he had fallen off the cliff out in the woods when he had been looking for Sophia. 

Oddly enough, it made him feel safe giving up his crossbow - perching it on top of the fully loaded cart of weapons before the awkward, bespeckled woman wheeled it away. 

Rick was still weary of this new place after Terminus, and Daryl understood. He followed Rick’s lead. Especially because he couldn’t tell Rick that he had a good feeling about this place because he saw a damn bird. 

But even if it was just in spirit, he felt you there. He knew that it was the home you had chosen for them.

[ebonysplendor]

A Date with Death 💀💻💬

TL;DR: What's totally hot is that we are chatting with this major edge lord who is cosplaying as the Grim Reaper. What's even hotter is that this major edge lord actually is the Grim Reaper...pfft, yeah right.

Game Link: https://twoandahalfstudios.itch.io/a-date-with-death

Notable Features: Customizable MC (pronouns, appearance, name, etc.), Customizable bedroom, Internet romance, Supernatural LI Spiciness: 2/5 -- It can get a little suggestive, but nothing unholy...unfortunately T_T LI Red Flags: 0.5/5 -- The guy's trying to kill us but I mean...it's kinda his job so...? Also! This isn't even a yandere LI so, just a heads up! We're changing gears a bit

Wanna know more? I didn't see a rating on it, but I wouldn't suggest anyone under 16 play this. But if you are over 16 or simply don't give a rat's ass about my warning, I can't effectively police ya, so let's get into it!

(Unrelated, but peep the additions and new section marker...thingies. Ahhhh~! <3 Okay anyways...)

I found it. I finally found it.

I found a game that has me raving harder than Perfect Love, and those of you that read that review (or even some of my follow up posts) know how much I absolutely loved that game!

Even still, so far, Perfect Love is still my favorite visual novel with a yandere LI; in this one, the LI isn't a yandere. Admittedly, this was a totally foreign experience to me, because I honestly (and clearly) gravitate towards the yandere stories, not to mention just simply favoring and have a preference for them. Like I've mentioned in other reviews, it is just something about a man with an ungodly obsession for me that just draws me in...

Anyways, that's not featured in this game, but it was still just as good! I loved this! The story, the dialogue, the art, the little quirky features, the customization!! Gods, the customization. I loved that! The customization didn't even hugely matter, but it was just the fact that it was included and that I knew that that was what the MC looked like.

As a POC, it is so refreshing to know that my love interest "knows" that I have dark skin. Like, ahhhhh, my heart. Representation really does make a difference, even in adulthood. I love the games with the custom pronouns, or just straight gender neutral language, or even when they draw the character to be bald, grey, and faceless so it represents everyone. I honestly love it so much, and I do feel included, not gonna lie, and it's exciting that others can, too.

Anyways, I'll rant and rave and rant some more during the review. I've really gotta get into the amazingness that is this game, and I'm definitely going to keep the spoilers extremely light (like always) to ensure that you can play with a vague idea of what's going on but not knowing exactly what's going down.

So, oh my Gods, boom.

The game kicks off with a little exposition on how we're pretty much living life final destination style. Some way, some how, death seems to always linger around us, but it just never seems to connect. Just picture a situation where we 112% should've died, but we somehow come out damn-near unscathed. No injuries, no long term scaring, no broken bones, nothing. Like...we're Gucci, and just straight up living our best life.

So, we're chilling at home one day when our laptop keeps going off. Consistently and incessantly. It gets pretty annoying pretty fast, because:

Who the hell is trying to get ahold of us that damn bad?

What app do we even have on our computer that's making all of that ruckus?

So, naturally, we go investigate, and it's this weird ass messaging app on there. Never seen it before, never used it, and have no idea where it came from because we didn't download it. Delete. Immediately delete. Only issue is that, when we delete it, it comes right back, and we can't delete it anymore. Okay...what the hell?

Not having much of a choice, and just out of curiosity, we click on this app, and we just see a wall of text from what is likely either a bot or a scammer.

Having nothing better to do, we confront this scammer bot, and we go back and forth with this totally not a scammer bot...thing...for a hot second. Basically the whole of it was that this basement creep was trying to convince us that he was the Grim Reaper and that he was after our soul. No, like, no lie. I have receipts. This man deadass said that he was the Grim Reaper and that he was coming for our soul.

See? I wasn't joking.

We continue to go back and forth with this weirdo about how all of this is fake and ask him is this a cry for help, and he gets all pissy and says that we have a small and smooth brain and all of that jazz before it finally gets to a head. Mr. Edgy over here finally decides that he's had enough of our shit, and he sends us a request for a video chat. Still having nothing better to do, we enter the call, and well....

....okay, definitely not how I'd imagine some incel living in his parents' basement that reeks of constant rejection and a middle school boys' locker room to look like. He do be kinda fine. Fake as hell and a major edge lord, but kinda fine. Hella fine, actually. Deathly fine, amiright? Ha, ha....haaaaaa. Okay, moving on...

So, now that we're in this call, admittedly, we're a little taken aback because, well for one, he's actually pretty damned attractive, and for two, he is still insisting that he's the Grim Reaper. Like, yeah, okay...

It gets to a point where we finally cave and start to play along, and we're just like "Okay, if you're really the Grim Reaper, then you should have no issue with reaping my soul before the week is up right? If you can get it, you can have it. No questions asked."

Upon hearing this, he is clearly intrigued, and he arrogantly says "Lmao I only need an hour" and we're like "Lmao then why haven't you already taken it?"

Silence. Exactly what I thought, "Grimmy".

Anyways, he agrees to being "honour bound" to the bet or whatever the hell his edgy ass said. Before the bet gets solidified, though, we establish what our winnings would be should we win, and you already know that we asked for...

THAT MAN'S HAND IN MARRIAGE.

I mean, come on: his own house, stable work, hot as hell -- this man is the full package. Fuck a soul, I'm trying to fuck him.

I mean, he...didn't really, like...agree to that, so we opted for his soul instead. Fair is fair, but apparently our soul is on the line so we can't screw this up. Oh noes! The big scawy weaper is gwonna come gwet mwe! Lol.

Unless...

...this is a very real bet with very real consequences, and we made a very stupid mistake.

Where do I even begin?!

I loved this game! It made me laugh, it made me cry (not joking, it really did), it made me feel things.

Like, holy shit, I'm so used to the yandere games where you're essentially like "This man is hot, but he is fucking nuts, and I need to get away from him", that it really starstruck me when I was like "...I want to marry this man and live happily ever after". Like...there was nothing toxic this time around it and it was...huh? Kindness? Positivity? Boundaries? What is this?

It was deadass like being in a string of toxic relationships and finally finding the one. Not even just the one, but a legitimate healthy relationship. Like, I have no idea how to react to this, but it's such a fuzzy feeling. Grim literally got me over here giggling and kickin' my feet and shit.

Anyways, this visual novel was really, really good and an absolute chef's kiss. The pacing, the story, the humour, the customization, the art, the UI, the everything! Everything was so good! Like, if you couldn't tell, my favorite thing was by far the customizations. Let me show you what I mean:

Like, how cool is that? The screenshots doesn't do it full justice, but from looking at the characters that I made, you can tell that you can customize quite a bit. Granted, it doesn't play a huge role, and there's not side sprite or CGs with the character that you customized, but I still like that there was an option so that it's like "Fuck yeah, he knows I'm Black" ya know? Not to mention, you can also customize...

...your room and your household companion! You can even have a snake as your pet, if you choose to do so!

I'm sorry, I was just absolutely geeked about the customization options. Honestly, the overall art in the game was just absolutely stunning; however, I did wish that there were more CGs, but that's more of a personal thing versus a flaw of the game. I just wanted to see more of this sleek ass art, because, as I've mention, I am an absolute slut for CGs.

Anyways, much like the Perfect Love game, I could definitely ramble on and on and on and on some more about this game, but I'm going to demand -- not ask but politely, yet forcefully demand -- that you play this game and enjoy it so that you can see how edgy yet sweet this man can be. And like I said, the dialogue is so funny. Admittedly, my humour is kind've broken, so I laugh at just about anything, but I think the dialogue was legit funny this time around. And again, the way that it just switches over from being a total meme to something kind've serious to super sentimental and sweet and it's...like what? The transition was just so damned smooth. Like, the dev(s) absolutely killed that shit. No debate, and don't at me because outside opinions that oppose this idea will be ignored.

That being said, I cannot stress enough how much this game needs to be played. It's so good. It's so funny. It's so sweet. It's so sleek. It's so everything. Like, just play it. You'd be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't. Okay, okay, but that's enough gushing and rambling. Here's a link for when -- not if when, because I demanded it, remember? -- you play the game for yourself, and drop those supportive words of "This game is fire as fuck, dude" and maybe some monetary support if you can.

Anywho, I'm not the dev(s), so my transition to the end won't be as smooth, but I'm going to go ahead and end it here!

As always: Don't forget to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

A Date with Death

[indestructibleheart]

petalwrites is now IndestructibleHeart

Hi, friends!

As some of you know, I've been through a lot of changes this year... and one of those changes involved a lot of thinky-thoughts about gender and coming to the realization that I'm demi-femme (or genderqueer; I use both terms). I started using she/they pronouns, which I'm really comfy with, but I've been thinking a lot lately about wanting a more gender-neutral name that represents all of me... and this is the safest place for me to explore that.

petal → stevie

As Charlie Spring would tell me, I don't owe anyone an explanation re: my gender or why I'm changing my name, but I actually want to open up a bit. I'm just going to do it under the cut below.

However, the tldr is this: I'm not a girl, but I'm not NOT a girl (hope that helps!!). I'm gonna start going by Stevie in online spaces because it better fits the person I'm becoming. I've changed my URL here, my ao3 username, and my nicknames on Discord. I love each and every one of you for cultivating a space where I can explore what being demi-femme means to me, since I'm not quite in a place to change my inherently feminine government name IRL.

cw for talk about both gender and losing my dad (spoiler alert — I didn't choose Stevie for Stevie Budd, as precious as she is to me):

The name "Petal" being pretty feminine is something that's been on my mind for a while now, and I thought pretty hard about what name felt most like me. When the name Stevie popped into my head, it was because of Schitt's Creek... but something else clicked right after.

It was my dad's name.

(Well, his name was Steve, anyway.)

And, while we had our differences over the years, he was the first person in my family to wholeheartedly support me when I came out. I told him I was a lesbian and he was literally like, "Cool. You want pizza for dinner, or...?" Yeah. Didn't bat an eye. Especially given that he passed in June, of all months, it feels like a fitting tribute to take his name with me on this journey.

For me, the gender spectrum is complicated. It's a place I'm still learning to navigate... and that's why I'm choosing a name that feels like it suits me wherever I happen to be on the slider at any given time. Having a place where I can make these kinds of changes and do some self-exploration is just... like... I don't have the words to articulate how much that means to me.

This community has been nothing but wonderful every step of the way here. Hell, this community half the reason I felt safe and comfortable enough to start doing all this self-reflection in the first place. So, thank you for that.

I know referring to me by a different name is gonna take some adjustment, but that's okay!

Just like I am both she and they, Petal is a part of me, too... It's just not all of me. I want to introduce myself with a name that fits like a comfy sweater, rather than a dress that I only wear on certain days. Y'know?

(And, really, this is more about me needing a space to safely explore some gender neutrality when I can't IRL than it is my being uncomfortable with the name Petal. So, don't stress about it.)

I hope that makes sense outside of my head... but I guess it's also okay if it doesn't.

[samwinchestersbf]

{ The Ghost of Beacon }

Chapter 1. "Do you really believe in ghosts?"

A RWBY x reader

warnings: small language, maybe ooc?

small authors note: I just created this idea on a whim, I am open to criticism. The gender neutral reader will be using they/them so anyone is welcomed to read. I apologize for any spelling/grammar errors in advance, I also have a small concept on how tumblr works beware! Please enjoy :) More chapters to come. (This takes place along with the original storyline with a few tweaks. I might toss in some romance when the time comes but who knows.)

Short Summary: The ghost of Beacon was thought to be a legend however with the recent spikes of activity, the school has grown unsure. The students with no idea of the story behind it all have determination to find out...

Reblogs are appreciated!!<3

WHY IS IT KINDA LONG OML SORRY 🙏

At first it was...difficult to come to terms with your death in the first couple of years. It's not like anyone noticed anyways, with all the speculation and lies.

Your days passed by very quick to say the least, you grew bored of it all. You craved to have fun if you were going to be a ghost trapped forever, right? Especially with new fresh students coming in.

Now here you were, amongst them all without their knowledge. These new students definitely piqued your interest, as did the last ones but there was something about them. You couldn't put your finger on it, perhaps it was just their behavior so you brushed it off.

You were too stuck in your thoughts to hear the headmaster's speech, along with his colleague. "Are there any questions?" He asked smoothly before taking another sip from his mug.

"Yeah...uhm sir?" You turned your attention to the timid blonde boy before he was cut off. "Good! Now take your positions." You let out a simple laugh and observed the group of teens ready themselves, the boy not aware of what was about to happen. "Uh sir...I've got a question" He still raised his hand.

Students were being flung into the air and he was still on rambling with his question as Professor Ozpin answered calmly. You walked over to him, "Good luck" You whispered into his ear before he was being launched at full force.

"My bets are on the energetic redhead" You tried to joke before realizing again no one can hear your remarks. You watched the collective group in the air, giggling a bit to yourself.

Professor Oz and Glynda pulling out their scrolls to watch on the surveillance system. "Hey! Let me get a peek" You tried to watch over Glynda's shoulder, she let out a little shiver. "Sorry, just let me see real quick" You attempted to take it before the tablet swung out of her grasp, her eyes widening.

You were able to see the students landing strategies before she scoffed, picking up the tablet from the ground. "Slippery fingers I see." Ozpin let out his own remark. "Oh shush, I don't even know how that happened." Her tone a little irritated. She walked off to go somewhere more private to observe.

You were a little shocked to say the least from your power. You didn't know you could do that? You decided to try again on the headmaster, you swatted at his mug, yet nothing happened. "Maybe if I- aha!" You hit the mug as he was about to take a sip, a majority of the drink spilling on him, before the mug took a tumble to the ground.

Glynda looked over her shoulder as she was walking away, "Now you've got slippery fingers" She mocked him, he seemed amused with his furrowed eyebrows. He glanced down at the mess, "Ignore that please." You bursted out in a laughing fit, feeling satisfied you now have the power over objects.

You recovered from your prank, thinking about it more now. If you were a stereotypical ghost, you could do much more than that. You could possibly try light tricks or even talking to someone finally. You yearned for conversation, sure you loved to be alone but you wished deep down for someone to hear your opinions and jokes.

You just wanted someone to know you were there, you wanted to be noticed.

You stood there, ruminating to yourself. It's not like Ozpin could see you, if anything he thought he was alone.

Soon enough Glynda spoke up again after quite some time, walking up to him. "Our last pair has been formed sir," She continued on swiping the scroll to a different perspective. "Nora Valkyrie and Lie Ren...poor boy, I can't possibly imagine those two getting along." You peered over her shoulder watching Nora be quite silly.

"They seem alright to me." You muttered, Glynda turned to Ozpin. "What did you say?" He looked up from his scroll, a look of confusion on his face. "I didn't say anything." He cocked an eyebrow before Glynda returned back to watching with a small eye roll following. So you could talk to people, if you really tried of course.

"But still, he's probably better off than Miss Nikos." Ozpin replied with a small hum. "I don't care what his transcripts say, that Jaune fellow is not ready for this level of combat."

You wondered for a bit, it was possible to forge your way into any academy. You've seen it happen before besides no school is perfect.

Glynda put away her scroll, "I guess we'll find out soon enough" which in this case meant they were going to be finishing soon, you did want to test tricks on the new students. It'll maybe finally give you your own entertainment instead of listening and watching.

The collected woman walked off yet again, "At their current pace they should reach the temple just in a few minutes." She turned a little, she was truly a professional woman. As if you always knew that's who she's always been.

"Speaking of which; what did you use as relics this year?" She turned her full attention to him and called out his name again. He seemed too focused on his scroll, watching the kids from earlier have an argument. You believe he heard her because all he let out was another responsive hum.

He always did this, his little hums. Anyone was lucky if they had a full conversation with him.

All of a sudden you started to feel an intense pain in your stomach and throat, if ghosts could even feel a phantom kind of pain. You fell to your knees, trying to scream for help except not a single word came out. You coughed into your hand, pulling away to see your transparent hand stained with blood.

Get up. Get up. Get up

You blacked out and went dormant before waking up in a new scenery. You were in the academy now? You were still on the ground and quickly returning on your feet. An overwhelming confusion as you finally calmed down, realizing the pain beforehand was completely gone.

You woke up in that secluded spot you would go to clear your mind, a special place to your heart. It was dark outside and you could hear a faint commotion of people down the corridor.

You walked down there, walking through the door as you saw a sea of people surrounding the stage with four new students and Professor Ozpin. Everything must be over now, he's giving the new teams publicly.

"Oh shit, I missed all the fun." You sighed in defeat, still trying to figure out how that could've happened. You listened to Ozpin, making your way through the people to hop on stage.

"Looks like things are shaping out to be an...interesting year" He turned around, walking right through you. "Ow! You know that hurts right?" You hissed holding your stomach but he didn't notice.

He entered off stage as the girls and crowd cheered. You were obviously quick to follow right behind him.

He exited the room, Glynda waiting outside for him to talk to him. "I want to talk about what happened earlier today." He stopped in his tracks, and looked down at her. "Earlier?" He questioned before she took a breath in, "Earlier today, what happened wasn't ordinary. Stuff just doesn't come flying out of our hands and there wasn't any wind if I recall."

He raised an eyebrow before clicking his tounge to speak. "Yes that was quite odd but-" he was going to dismiss it all before a couple of students came to talk to him, surrounding him and Glynda. He politely answered some of their questions.

You saw the new team RWBY come out of the room, they seem to be having fun so you decided to follow them. They were chatting and walking to their brand new dorm.

After a while they finally made it there and you decided it was time to do what you originally wanted to do. Everyone was about to head to bed anyways so it was perfect for you.

The students said their goodnights to each other and were fast to fall asleep, now was the time to strike.

You went to team JNPR's dorm, knocking on their door and frantically shaking the door handle. "I'm coming..." Jaune's tired voice croaked before opening the door to absolutely nothing.

"Oh?" He looked down the halls with no sign of people whatsoever.

You decided to do it again every random hour of the night and you would follow him all day tomorrow to torment him.

The next morning he came off as very tired, explaining what happened and how no one has that much dedication to a joke like that. He believed it was a ghost, he was practically accusing you without knowing your name.

"Jaune cmon, maybe you were just restless all night from homesickness" Nora commented, she definitely had a heavy sleep effortlessly. Her friend Lie Ren was meditating on his bed.

He snapped his eyes open and whipped his head, drawing his teammates attention. He glared down where you were standing specifically, he must be able to tell you're there. He stopped before realizing he couldn't see you and apologized to them, "I thought I could sense something.."

Nora tilted her head and questioned the situation to the two boys "Do you really believe in ghosts?"

Jaune nodded desperately, "If it wasn't a ghost then it was most likely a student" Pyrrha suggested. "No it wasn't, I would've caught them!" Jaune rubbed his eyes, you did feel a little sorry.

"Then you should talk to Professor Ozpin about it later today" Ren replied, he was back to his calm meditation. The rest of the team agreed before you all heard team RWBY speeding out of their dormitory.

The four kids peeked out, falling onto the ground and catching up with the other team.

Hopefully this year would be interesting.

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Hey, hopefully I’m not too late for the 1.5k thing? If I’m not, can you do nickstalkers for Nick Valentine? Your choice on first or last name.

(If not feel free to just ignore this, I know you probably have a lot of asks to attend to)

Yes, absolutely! Ole Nicky always needs some lovin' (no matter what the canon game says), so here you are!

(And you weren't too late when you requested this, but this is one of the last ones I got, so we're getting closer to the end here, folks!) 😊

I hope you love it! <3

N) Nickname. What are the nicknames they have for their s/o? Do they like when their s/o uses nicknames?

Heh, nicknames lol.

ANYWAY

He lets his names for you slip out easily, even before the two of you are officially together. Calling you his 'partner,' and referring to you as 'doll' (gender neutral) are common before the romance really ramps up. After the two of you are official, he likes to use lots of the classic pet names for you, like darling and dear, his better half, dove, beautiful/handsome, honey, an occasional 'knockout' slips in there sometimes too; and he uses them often. No shame from the detective on this front, he uses pet names with you in public just as much as he does in private.

As for him, he really does just appreciate any term of endearment you have for him. (I happen to be partial to Nickerdoodle, myself). But a 'honey' and a 'dear' directed at him just feel so natural, so domestic that they almost transport him back in time to the old Nick's life, to the seemingly easy romance he shared with his Jenny. If you call him anything along the lines of 'handsome,' or 'dreamboat,' he'll be as close as a synth can get to blushing. Nick may not always believe it himself, but he's not going to argue with you on the subject of his attractiveness in your eyes. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," and all that, you know.

I) Insight. How easy is it for them to read their partner? (Mood, thoughts, etc.)

Well, he's a detective, and a damn good one at that. And he cares deeply about you and your state of mind, your health, both mental and physical after all of the horrible things you've been through. So... yeah, he's in a constant state of ensuring you're doing alright, paying close attention to your moods and reactions to certain events, sights, sounds and places. Nick is always the first to suggest you take a break or a breather, the one to remind you to eat and drink, to keep your strength up, even when that's not something he personally needs to worry about. And as far as responding to your changes in mood, the man's a professional. He does this for a living, essentially. When his clients have been through something awful, when their loved ones are on the edge of a breakdown, when they're worried beyond reason, when they haven't slept since their family member disappeared, Nick is there to comfort them, to ground them and make them feel heard. He does it with all the more passion when it comes to you. If you want your space, he's privy to it, but if you need him close, to talk or just to sit with you, he'll be there.

You'll be hard-pressed to find a partner more caring, more attentive, and a partner more skilled with healthy communication than Nick Valentine.

C) Cuddle. Do they like to cuddle and show affection? How?

If you don't initiate it, he tends to be reserved with his physical contact with you. It's not that he doesn't want it, in fact, that couldn't be further from the truth, but... Well, he's not made of the most huggable material on the planet now, is he?

Still though, he tries. With what he has, he does his best. His good hand is always the one to grasp with yours, and he's an avid "arm around your shoulders" kind of partner whenever the two of you re walking side-by-side or seated next to each other. But... the less, ahem, clothes that are involved, the more hesitant he is with you. Your skin is so soft, so easily scratched or bruised by his skeletal hand, by the ruined parts of his skin-like covering that are slowly rusting and peeling away, revealing the sharper bits underneath. Usually when the two of you settle in for the night, and you try curling into him, or wrapping your arms around him, he dresses himself in some softer clothes. Long pajama pants and long-sleeved shirts that are soft to the touch and keep his sharper points off of your skin, and keep the cool touch of his body off of your warmth. Those nights that it works though, when the two of you can be closer than he's ever been with another person, Nick still can't sleep, not really, but he can smile as you snore against him, he can close his eyes and feel more human than he ever dreamed he would.

K) Kiss. What are their kisses like? Who kissed who first?

He's careful with you... but his kisses become simply all-encompassing once they reach their peak. They always start out slow with the buildup, with Nick carefully placing his hands on you, and making sure your own exploring fingers don't get nicked by the exposed metal bits on his face, but soon after, he presses himself fully into you, to the point that it's hard to tell where his lips begin and yours end, if not for the difference in temperature. It's almost hard to breathe as well, given that he doesn't really have that problem, he sometimes fails to consider it as much as he probably should.

He was concerned from the start, and unsure, given that he hasn't had a whole lot of smooches in his synthetic existence, and he hoped like hell that he didn't taste all too bad, what with the metallic materials that made up his mouth. So you have to be the one to initiate the first one, if only because he wants to be absolutely positive that this is something that you really want. Later though, when it becomes more commonplace, when you both are used to it, Nick kisses you often and more openly than he ever thought he would. It's a greeting and a goodbye, an 'I love you' quick as a peck, an 'I missed you' with more gusto than simple words, and an expression of his affection that he becomes all too used to. The others in the Commonwealth may find it odd, this union between the two of you, but the synth couldn't care less; and even if his public kisses get you both to the center of some bigoted attentions, that's never stopped him from living his life before. And, well, he doesn't really see that changin'.

[salvadorbonaparte]

Hallo! I am a native English speaker aber ich lerne auch Deutsch. Apologies if you've already done this somewhere else on your blog, but would you be able to explain what you mean by hin/er/sie pronouns? Is hin a singular gender-neutral pronoun (er hat ein Buch, sie hat ein Buch, hin hat ein Buch) and you're also happy with the gendered er and sie, or are er and sie different forms of hin (like when we say she/her/hers, or maybe in German er/ihn/ihm)? I'm trans myself (he/him) and I love learning about the different ways languages adapt for the needs of trans and nonbinary people but I'm not yet very familiar with trans-inclusive language in German so I'd love to know more.

(Oh and as a secondary question, does German have an equivalent word for "queer" - an inclusive catch-all term for basically everything under the umbrella? I've done a bit of looking but haven't found much good information on that so far)

Anyway danke schön and I hope you're having a good day!

Hello! Also I've seen the addendum and don't worry about the typo.

Hen/hens/hem is a gender neutral pronoun I have seen on a list of options for German once that I really liked and kinda want to make happen (which isn't really working). So I also use other pronouns like er or sie. It's taken from Swedish and germanised which I thought is a great parallel to how English got some pronouns from Old Norse (like she actually). I do have a longer post about this somewhere but I'll have to dig it up once I'm home. Please remind me in a couple days!!

Yeah we literally have the word "queer". I'm not sure when people started using it but it's been around for a long while and because it's not a slur in German (while the terms for gay and homosexual have been used more derogatory) it's actually a lot more neutral and accepted here.

[brainmaniaman]

Odd request, but Ricky grieving a dead s/o if you can? Neutral terms preferred but whatever is fine.

I have been waiting for a Ricky request and this is such a good one, I have such a good idea. Gender neutral terms? I got you.  Pairing: Ricky Lafleur/Reader Tags: Reader death, alcoholism, drug abuse, angst, guns, cops Authors Note: I typed this up in a flurry. I'm sorry if it's not as in-depth, I made it in like two hours. I really liked this idea! I took a different approach, if that's okay. Word Count: 2,882 Summary: Ricky doesn't handle grief very well.

LATE MAY Ricky loved Lucy, he really did. Well, he loved her the best he could love her. It was hard for Ricky to not love the mother of his child. But Trinity was really the only thing they had in common. Ricky was nothing short of a deadbeat dad, waffling in and out of Trinity's life - though he was trying. What did it matter when he could always trust Julian to handle it? Julian always dropped by to see Trinity, he was basically her uncle, so what the fuck did it matter if he needed to slip off and get piss drunk? Life used to be more fun, but that was so long ago - way before Ricky ever really considered Lucy as an option. You were everything he wasn't - smart, driven, and destined for greatness. And, unlike others, you actually truly believed in him.  And God knew that Ricky loved Lucy in the best way that he could - but Lucy wasn't you. "Why don't you take Trin and I out to the park, Ricky?" Lucy inquires. "You know I hate this fucking season," Ricky waves Lucy off, lighting the cigarette between his lips. "I hate the fucking rain and the sunshine and the wet grass and butterflies and shit, it's fucking annoying."  "Yeah, that's what it is." Lucy responds shortly, "You know, why don't you ever talk -"  "There's nothing to fucking talk about Lucy. What do you want me to do? Tell the butterflies to fuck off and the sun to stop shining? News flash, I already did and fucking spring is still here." Before Lucy can express any concern over Ricky, the door to their home is slammed shut, bouncing a few times before it finally clicks closed.

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° 1989 ┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

"What are you doing out here during school hours?"  Ricky is leaned against the water fountain, a cigarette placed gently between his lips. "What the fuck does it look like I'm doing? I'm smoking a fucking cigarette. What's it to you?"  "You're not supposed to be skipping class. Or smoking a cigarette on school property."  "Well fuck me officer, sorry for breakin' the law. What are you anyway, the fucking hall monitor?"  "I am." You're scribbling writing down furiously onto the notepad issued to you by the high school. You stroke him a ticket, ripping it off the pad and handing it to him. Ricky takes it despite the fact he's unable to read. "Yeah well, you wanna know what I think about your fucking ticket officer?" He rips it into pieces, throwing it into the water fountain. He slams his elbow down onto the water fountain, spewing water all over the paper. It grows wet quickly before breaking apart, stopping up the drain. "Fuck you, that's what I think about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some fucking dope to sell. Or you gonna stroke me a ticket for that too?” ┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° You two didn't exactly get off on the right foot - but then again, nobody got off on the right foot with Ricky. He was a troubled kid who ran his mouth too much. He had expected that interaction to be the last between you two, but it wasn't. It seemed like everywhere you turned, Ricky was there - causing fucking problems. It only got worse when, in a last-ditch-effort to keep Ricky in school, your math teacher had begged you to tutor him. You had worked wonders with other kids like Ricky, so why not try? You didn't want to at first but with a bit of a convincing, and monetary payment, you had agreed to tutor Ricky. If Ricky remembered correctly, he skipped the first tutoring session. He thought that that would be the end of that, but the next day you had confronted him in front of all of his closest dope-fiend friends after school. "I can't believe you wasted my time like that."  "What the fuck are you going on about?"  "We were supposed to have a tutoring session."  "You seriously fucking thought I'd show up to that stupid shit? You've got to have shit for brains. I don't do schoolwork."  "I'm your last chance to pass math, if you don't show up to these tutoring sessions then Mr. Richards is going to fail you without a question."  "Do you think I give a fuck if he fails me? Tell him to fucking fail me, I don't give a fuck. I'm not even gonna finish my grade ten. I got a good dope-sellin' business, I'm makin' a lot of money. I don't need this shitty fucking place."  "Do you plan on doing anything with your life other than growing dope?"  "Nope."  "What's it going to take to get you there, Ricky?" You couldn't help it. You just loved a good challenge. "Nothing."  "Nothing at all?"  "You know what, if you took me out to that buffet off of second street for every tutoring session and paid, I'd show up to it."  "Done."  There's a silent pause. "Are you being fuckin' serious?"  "Yes."  "You'll pay for me?"  "If you come and actually work."  "I mean shit, why not. Free food is free food. When should I show up?"  "Tonight at six." 

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° From the way Ricky ate, it was obvious that food was a scarcity at home. So much for making a good living off of dope. But it seemed like food was a good motivator. Ricky sucked dick at math, but at least he was trying - well, as hard as Ricky could try. Threatening to end your sessions seemed to be good enough to scare him into complying, and over time it really seemed that Ricky was actually improving in math. He was nowhere near passing, but the fact that Ricky could bring his grades up from a straight 0 to 40 was impressive - even to Mr. Richards. "Why do you do this anyway?" He asks one session, out of the blue. "Everyone deserves to have someone in their corner rooting for them. If food is what it takes to get you to get your grade ten, then I'll empty my pockets. You think you're stupid Ricky, but you're not. You just need someone around to give you an extra push." 

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He's hitting the palm of his hand against his forehead, eyes pinched close. The thoughts about you had died down years ago - why was it coming up just now? He takes the joint between his fingers and brings it to his lips, inhaling and then exhaling. "I need to get fucking drunk tonight."  "Maybe you should slow down on that smokin', Ricky. Why don't you come over and watch some cable? WWE's playin' tonight." Bubbles offers Ricky an alternative to drinking and smoking. It's usually around this time of the year, late May, when Ricky gets antsy.

He never brings you up and even claims to have forgotten about everything but his good friend Bubbles and Julian know better. Ricky usually gets more belligerent around late May. Julian guesses that it's a form of PTSD, and at one point he even tried to sit Ricky down as a friend and explain to him all of the symptoms of PTSD that jail counselor told him about, but Ricky never listens because "it's not that big of a fucking deal." So it's around this time Julian and Bubbles take a step back to give Ricky space and try to help him make it to June. But it's typically a hard task. "No offense Bubbles but that sounds like a terrible time I'd rather get piss drunk with Ray."  "Come on Ricky, you know how bad your dad gets when he's drunk. If you're gonna get drunk, at least do it in my trailer." Ever since he got out of jail, Juilan has been trying to avoid drunk get-togethers - but this is a different story. "I know exactly what you're doing Julian and I'm not fuckin' havin' it" Ricky shakes an accusatory finger at Julian, "I don't need your fuckin' pity."  "It's not pity, Ricky. You're telling me you don't wanna come over, get drunk, and eat chicken fingers?"  "Are you buying the chicken fingers?"  "Sure," Julian concedes, "I'll buy the chicken fingers."  "Then fuck yeah I'm comin' over." 

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° It's around this time of year that no amount of liquor can get rid of the nightmares and the memories. Even piss-ass drunk leaning over Julian's toilet hurling, every second of your relationship with him flashes through his memory. Some of the memories are good. "Remember that time (name) and I got caught fuckin' around with Lahey's yard flamingos? That shit was so funny. He was so pissed." Julian rubs Ricky's back, listening to him blabber on about the memories in between dry heaving and vomiting. "Or the time (name) beat J-Roc in a hotdog eating contest? That shit was -" Ricky stops talking so he can hurl out the fifteen chicken fingers he ate against better judgement, "- that shit was so funny. Or that time we blew off homecoming and drove out to make-out point and . . ." Ricky pauses, half a smile cracking his lips, "You know, (name) -"  "Alright Ricky," When Ricky lifts his head up, it's obvious that his skin is soaked in tears. Julian doesn't comment on it, though. Ricky would only deny the fact that he's been crying. "I think I'm allergic to these fucking chicken fingers, they're making my fucking eyes water."  "Uh-huh" Julian is wiping down Ricky's face with warm water, cleaning up his mess before helping his friend stumble onto the couch. Some of the memories are bad, though. Memories of arguing flash through his head. 

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

"You can't fucking drop out to sell dope! You've worked too hard for this!"  "You mean you've worked too hard for this, I know Mr. Richards is paying you to tutor me. I bet he's paying you to date me, too!"  "It's not like that, Ricky!" You plead, "Yes, he was paying me to tutor you! But he's not paying me to like you, Ricky. He's not paying me to love you."  Ricky seems taken aback by the comment. It's the first time you've told him you loved him. For a second, he thinks about apologizing, about kissing all over your face and promising you that he'd never talk about dropping out again. You had a future together, you were going to graduate together, grow old together, and die together holding hands. But Ricky always lets his anger get the best of him. "No, you know what (name)? Fuck you. Fuck off. You're just saying that so you can get more money from Mr. Richards."  "Ricky, I love you, I swear -" Ricky waves his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just fuck off already and get out of my hair. I don't want to see you again. In fact, I wouldn't want to see you if I was on my fucking deathbed breathing my last fucking breaths." 

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° "They shouldn't have been there Julian, they weren't supposed to be there." Ricky rolls forward, his head placed in his hands. Every time Julian opens his mouth to speak, Ricky is speaking over him in frantic sobs. It's not typical to see Ricky like this, only in late May. "It was just a dope deal gone wrong, they shouldn't have been there, they shouldn't have been there. I didn't know they were going to be there. It was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened and it's all my fucking fault, it's all my fucking fault, it's all my fucking fault." 

There’s not much Julian can say to soothe Ricky. He’s tried, but it’s never been enough. The only thing they can do is make it through the rest of the month.

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ °

You weren't supposed to be there. In fact, Ricky had thought the fuck off was enough to keep you away. But there you were, coming around his house in the middle of the night. You didn't think much of the other two people who were hanging around Ricky on Ray's porch. You just assumed it was Julian and Bubbles. You were here to beg for him back, to tell him how much you loved him and how much you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. Young love, right? The guys on the porch weren't expecting visitors. There weren't supposed to be visitors. Ricky hadn't planned for visitors. Ricky had told them there wouldn't be anyone around. So as you walked up the steps, a commotion broke out. "You said there wasn't going to be anyone around! Is this a fucking sting? This is a fucking sting!"  "No officers! I swear, I didn't know someone was coming. No-one is supposed to come! Wait! Wait! Wait! Put the fucking gun down! That's just my friend! Fuck!"  Ricky can't get to them fast enough and a gunshot rings in the air. The moment the two cops realize it's a teen crumpled up on the ground and not an undercover agent, they're rushing to their car. "You shot (name)! You shot them! Get the fuck over here and help us!"  "Sorry kid, we gotta go! We can't be seen around this shit or we'll lose our jobs and go to jail. That's how these things go. word of the wise, you shouldn't have friends you actually like if you're gonna be in this business, kid."  Ricky is left alone to tear off his shirt, pushing it against the bullet hole right in your abdomen. Blood seeps through the shirt, soaking it. People are leaving their homes now, rushing to the scene of the crime in a panic. There's a large commotion, though Lahey breaks it up. "What the fuck did you get into, kid? What the fuck have you done?"  "I didn't do shit! If you're not gonna help Lahey then fuck off! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Don't you dare fucking die, if you die I'm going to have to bring you back and fucking kill you myself! Just hold on a bit longer."  But you were already gone.

┆ ° ♡ • ➵ ✩ ◛ ° "Those fucking cops. Those fucking cops. Those fucking cops." Ricky repeats like a mantra. Julian helps lay Ricky on his side, bringing a glass of water to set on the side of the coffee table.  Julian remembers how the death was swept under the rug, simply labeled as a "drug bust gone wrong" - if you could call two cops shooting a teenager thinking they were going to lose their career in a sting operation a drug bust gone wrong. They ended up taking matters into their own hands, but still. That wasn't enough. "It's all my fault, I should have said something, I should have done something, I should have told them I love them - God, fuck," Ricky presses his head into his hands, "They should have never met me. All that shit Lahey spews is right, I'm no good." It's the only time Ricky seems to express any sort of understanding of where he was in life and who he was. The only time he really seems to take full accountability. He still remembers the way your parents cussed him out and blamed him for what happened. It's the only time Julian saw Ricky sit there and take shit without blowing up. All he could do was sit and nod and agree with every awful thing they said to him. They were right - you were on the path to being a valedictorian. You had so much to give to the world. They told him that they prayed to God the next person he started seeing didn't end up an chalked outline, too. He didn't need to be terrorizing the general student body, dragging them into business that wasn't his own. He agreed, so he dropped out. It was the only way he felt he could truly reconcile what happened. A warm spring breeze passes through the open window, rustling the curtains and filling the room with the smell of wet grass. Julian doesn't say anything. He can't say anything. Nothing he's said ever really seems to soothe Ricky's seasonal grief. The counselor in jail had talked to Ricky about maybe distracting himself during this time, spending time with his family and trying to find the joy in spring, but he can never seem to get over the hurdle of actually dealing with the trauma. Ricky doesn't do handling grief. Instead, he liquors himself up in an attempt to forget. It doesn't help, though. All it does it land him crying and puking in Julian's bathroom, rattling off about how he should have done better, how he should have told you he loved you sooner, and how things might've been different.  The only thing they can do is just get through late May.

[stiffyck]

Hello there sir (gender neutral) I heard you are the scar angst guy (again, gender neutral) so uh here have some concepts that've been living in my head rent free for like a day or two.

Aight so uh the song Circus by Lindsay Mendez and Drew Gasparini kinda smacked me over the head with ~ideas~ and I have two that decided to hang around. (Also uh I may write them if you or anyone else happens to care, so please no stealy steals, folks) (also also uh yeah this is kinda shipping w grain and scar so uhh yeah be warned folks)

First off, this slightly older au idea where Cuteguy isn't initially Hotguy's sidekick. In fact, Hotguy doesn't even know who he is. At first, they don't really even realize this man exists. Then, the fun begins. People start dying, murdered by a mysterious person under the alias of "Cuteguy", known due to the notes left at the assorted crimescenes. These murders and crimes steadily get more extravagant and extreme, and soon reports of this "Cuteguy" guy's appearance come in--he is making a spectacle of himself and his crimes after all. This, as the song itself follows, is an attempt to get Hotguy's attention. A convoluted, highly irrational and terrible attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. There's more plot but uh, can't go revealing everything just yet. This is the one I want to write more, so like if anyone cares I probably will.

And uh the newer option. In this one, we lean more heavily into the bois are Creatures™ and shit, so like Grain is your friendly neighborhood watcher (hehe not all that friendly tbh but whatever) and Scar is a vexling (probs also a half-elf cause I adore that headcannon (Def not cause I'm making him a DND character totally not)) and uh yeah. Anyway, your local many eyed being kinda thrives on chaos and any form of entertainment (cough cough violence cough cough trafficsmp) and, in a very No Eyed Girl fashion (ironic seeing how many eyes this man has) your friendly neighborhood vexling kinda likes him. But how to get this being's attention, you ask? Murder, of course! Scar proceeds to use Scarland to lure in tourists and locals and uh, kills them. Yeah, he lets the vex side go out and have fun. Of course, this kinda freaks out everyone in the nearby town, and draws the attention of Mr many eyes, who finds this very interesting. This one follows the song a bit more (also the theming! The parallels! It's about a metaphorical Circus! This man has a theme park! I adore this so much omg-) and uh I might write it too. Haven't peeked at Villain Scar too much recently so like it would be fun.

Sorry for the long ass ask, I needed to share and others seem to dump their beautiful concepts onto you so I decided to shove it into the world here. (Also go listen to Circus and also No Eyed Girl (by Lemon Demon) both great songs I swear.)

(I don't mind gendered terms so feel free to go wild)

And OOOH!! BOTH IDEAS ARE COOL!!!

I'll listen to the songs when I wake up, but the ideas ARE GREAT

[angelbaby-fics]

Ooohhh.... who to spend Easter with??? I don't really celebrate other than some candy. Buuuut I feel like each are good choices! ♡

Think Steeb and Buggy would maybe have a tradition they used to follow back in the 20s. Not sure what though. But spoiled with coloring books and a new outfit! Limit candy though so no tummy aches and teef have no cavities!

Eddies would do some extra selling to get you a big easter stuffed animal and your favorite candy. Maybe go on a walk looking for the easter bunny? Egg hunt here????

Ransom and Llyod would SPOIL you! So much candy! So many toys! Pictures with bunny in a new outfit! Ransom might get you a special outfit for a dinner with the whole family (They seem like performative religious people to me. Oops)

Steve Harrington would spoil you. But not tooooo much. Can't decide if he would get a big premade basket or if he would pick out everything himself. Maybe religious himself but doesn't force you into it.

Loki would research the holiday because he doesn't understand these Midgard traditions. But he would let you decide how to celebrate religious or bunny wise. Maybe take you to Asgard (shh.. it exists still in my mind) to celebrate a holiday there instead and treat you to the royal prince/princess ( is there a gender neutral term for royalty??) treatment!

I don't know enough about Lee to know how he would celebrate with a little. :( Sorry

I want to picture someone making a treat for the bunny the night before similar to cookies for Santa. The bunny deserves treats too! And maybe one of them does like fun bunny tracks in glitter or something?? Oh how did I forget about egg hunts??!

Anyway this is long. Sorry. Where is the button for spend the day with everyone?? Pretty please?

-♡

anon. my dearly beloved. NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THIS!! i'm in awe!! i wasn't really planning on writing anything big for easter but i haven't stopped thinking about this since u sent it & fear i'm gonna be thinking about this every day until next easter hehe

don't feel bad about not getting lee...... confession time i don't actually know anything besides reading the wikipedia page & seeing gifs of him lol 😅 i just love chubby southern seb 😳😅 aww omg maybe he hides easter eggs around the police station, and maybe the night before he'll bake cupcakes with you with pastel frosting and little plastic rabbits on top & helps you take them around his office to all the other officers 🥺 yeah 🥺

pretty much every easter headcanon i have is either hiding eggs or eating candy so i really like to see your ideas too!! omg i know ransom doesn't like his family & the family doesn't like ransom (& if they were real i probably wouldnt actually like ANY of them lol) but i can just imagine a rich waspy new england family & all the pretty outfits & yummy treats & boring church services and family dinners spent squeezing his hand under the table that comes with being a spoiled little baby 🥺💕😌 and lloyd would totally hire someone kim kardashian style to dress up as the easter bunny and hang out with you at your giant mansion all day hehe! 😂🥰

eddie would totally have a confetti egg fight with you around the park, but it backfires on him because now he's pulling little paper confetti out of his curls until october 😅 but its worth it to hear your giggle as he shakes his head over you and makes it rain rainbows🥰

[tharizdun-03]

some thoughts on gender abolition

I am moving some of my Twitter threads over to Tumblr as well. This is one of them.

I am intrigued by the concept of gender abolition. Getting rid of significant gender roles, gender hierarchies, gender expectations, all for that, but I wonder what people are thinking about getting rid of gender identities and how that would play out.

I think it's interesting cause I don't "feel" my gender. I was assigned male at birth, have the penis, and all that good stuff. On all accounts I'm biologically male, so that's what I define myself as. I'm a guy. But I don't feel that as a gender, I just feel my personality.

And I'm not trying to say my way is the right way or something. I don't want to enforce how people should experience their identity or claim it's less valid cause it's not like how I experience things. I'm just trying to put something I experience into words.

I'm not even saying I'm non-binary tho, ofc nothing wrong with that, but it's not an appropriate term to describe this cause that still ties it down to gender identity of some sort.

I think it's similar to, you know people that are really nationalistic about their country? I'm not, for example. If you insulted Sweden, I might agree or disagree with that specific criticism, but regardless, my personal pride wouldn't be hurt, cause I have no investment of that kind in my country. I like where I live, if I moved somewhere else it would be disorienting because it's something I'm not used to, but it's not something that's part of my identity in terms of what I feel as, if that makes sense. My ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation, aren't things I'm attached to very much, in the sense of feeling as they're part of my identity. I'm only attached to them in the sense that they're what I've habituated to cause I deal with what those bring with. So, if I were to get a female body overnight, for example, it'd feel "wrong" for me personally, in the sense that this isn't what I'm used to and now my habits and how I deal with body-related manners will change, but not as in it won't feel right for the identity framework that I experience in my head, cause I'm not attached to it in that way.

And at the same time, this idea of me not experiencing my gender also isn't something I'm attached to, it's not something that ties into my identity and isn't something that I think about or pay much attention to. I'd automatically just refer to myself as a man in every instance, but if people specifically asked if I feel male, I'd guess no, but even that feeling of not feeling isn't something I'm attached to. Anyway, got me thinking about gender abolition, which I know little about, and is probably a practical impossibility anyway cause we're very attached to our cultural beliefs about gender, but it made me wonder if it did happen, practically, if that could relate to my experience. But then it also brings up questions like locker rooms, what would they look like? Would it all be mixed? Or would it still be separate cause they're based on sex so gender abolition wouldn't eliminate that? Which I think would be nice, cause I would be less comfortable with a mixed locker room, but is that just because that's what I'm used to? What if I was brought up as a nudist? Would I have the attachment of comfortability to that? I dunno really, I'm just, thinking out loud. After having done some research, it seems that the best term to describe this experience of mine is agender. I feel that still implies being attached to a gender identity, it's just in this case it's neutral, but it's as close as I can get. But yeah, if people asked I'd say male cause that's what my body's like and live like, but I have no attachment to being male in a mental sense, and neither have an attachment to slapping an agender label on it cause that still describes an internal experience of gender identity. But, it's interesting I think, stuff like this. A friend of mine responded to me about this, but I’ll just post my reply.

Original Twitter Thread: https://twitter.com/Tharizdun03/status/1505201766224347138

[muji-milk]

hey! same anon who said that the quotes around affirmation felt very terf-like. first i wanted to say that your response is exactly why i wanted to give you a chance to answer, but i was just letting you know how the way you wrote it came across to me (who is admittedly an american and maybe there’s a text difference for how things are written. we use quotes to dismiss an idea or to indicate sarcasm) and offer a reason as to why those people may have unfollowed without waiting to hear more from you. i think having a healthy conversation around how we treat dysphoria is important!

anyway! i think maybe the disconnect lies in what we call gender affirming care. i’m sure that’s the technical term for what results in medical transition in the UK, but it should be more general! i would absolutely agree that your experience where you sought counseling and worked out what your gender was and that transitioning wasn’t for you totally counts as gender affirming care. you weren’t pressured to transition and you were allowed to explore what you felt and what you needed. i have a friend who went through the same as you and feels better without having transitioned. i agree it’s also a shame that we have no way to keep track of people who have done this.

in a perfect world, counseling would be the best step for a young person who’s figuring out their gender. in fact, that was a requirement here in the US for a loooong time before someone could see an endocrinologist for hormones. to reiterate my point from my last ask though, not all counselors are one in the same about how they counsel people. i say this 1. as a trans person who (briefly) went through conversion therapy as a teen, and 2. as someone about to graduate with a masters in counseling. they drill into us in my program that we aren’t supposed to let our beliefs change how we counsel someone, but it does happen. so, just like many of the medical clinics here in the US that would turn away young ppl trying to transition, i also worry about how many of them would be affected by counselors who would steer them from the help they need. i hope that made sense, i just wanted to kind of add that to the conversation.

Tbh i tried to italicise the word affirmation but tumblr mobile kept fucking it up 🫠 so yeah the marks were just emphasis.

Like you said in a perfect world there should be more steps of evaluation. (Honestly, in a perfect world no one would be trans but that's another thing to discuss) but if we're talking about improving the current system, it should really be reframed 'gender related care'. Or gender considerate psychoanalysis. Or gender focussed counseling. Any of these terms instantly imply a more neutral and comprehensive approach.

But yes despite a rebranding or the terminology its still soo hard to get true impartially from anyone involved! Even you being trans, if you become a professional counselor that would create a personal bias within you. Just as being a woman or man, being rich, or black or old, etc, would do.

Regarding the approach to treatment of gender dysphoric youth, time is the biggest teller. Not statistics about trans peoples deaths and lives (which we don't even have enough of to draw conclusions. Its still a fairly modern thing!), not the opinions of your parents, not the advice of an affirmation clinic or a conversion therapist; but most importantly, not even your own feelings can be said to be true and trustworthy and permanent. People change their minds every day about trivial things and major issues, you feel like a different person every year, you learn and grow and its a humans' lifelong task to find and understand oneself. So, like you, I'm also worried about those being steered in a particularly firm direction at a young age. Whichever that direction is! Neither affirmation or conversion therapy should be the only immediately presented choices because you can't know how the individual's inner feelings will grow and change as they get older. That's why words like 'affirmation' and 'life saving' and even 'living your truth' are so loaded; they constantly present that one route as the best option and the younger you start the better, the way you think now is how you'll think forever, and you'll just die otherwise.