#but anyway yeah i didn't intend for this to be a venting post and it's pure stream of consciousness so take it with a grain of salt

[cpericardium]

So! I've gotten a host of messages and asks regarding recent disk horse and I wanted to address them as a collective.

I know I have anon asks off, I won't share your URLs, but I do want to thank you for asking and clarifying some of the frankly vile things people have been saying about me, my girlfriend, and friends. I value those of you who offered your words of support, and didn't jump to believe screenshots taken out of context and lies written with the utmost confidence and none of the facts. I am a little tired of having my morals questioned and my views conflated with every single person I associate with, but there it goes.

tumblr user cpericardium suspiciously silent on the subject of Gaza: does this mean you support ethnic cleansing???

My reticence when it comes to posting about topics like I/P is because:

-This is a fandom blog intended for lighter topics, except maybe the occasional vent about life stuff, which I usually hide under a cut. I don't have sideblogs. They seem tough to maintain and I don't post nearly enough to justify it. If I were to make one it would be for another fandom or maybe just the freakier bugs. I simply prefer my social media experience to be stress-free.

-Anti-slacktivism. It's a documented thing: posting about an issue makes you feel like you're doing something, you get that little shot of dopamine, so you don't actually go out and do something that effects meaningful change. I'm trying to do less of that. I'm good with the friends and people I follow who choose to post about it and this is a strictly personal belief, but when I engage in activism, it is offline or it is a donation. You're not going to hear about it.

But don't you reblog lgbt and women's rights posts?

Yeah, and that's usually when I want to save a post for one reason or another (e.g. to talk about with someone on discord later). The bottom line is that the main purpose of my blog is not to post political takes or to spread awareness of anything. It is just a collection of my interests (fan stuff, bugs) and hopefully a way to share those interests with like-minded people.

I will state my views clearly for the record: I support Palestine. The ongoing genocide is heartbreaking and so is the violence against protestors. Additionally, I am against antisemitism and the harassment of Jewish people in the name of supporting Palestine. This shouldn't even need to be said.

Is your girlfriend a Zionist?

No.

Does she support Zionists?

No.

Wasn't she in the military?

Yes, years ago.

But the military is evil?

It is. She's extremely hardcore anti-war and anti-military, does not believe the US should even have an army, and actively PMs strangers on reddit to try to convince them to not make the same mistake. If they're dead set anyway, she gives them detailed advice on how to survive. Because she actually cares about the human cost of war, not the social clout gained from shunning or sneering at people who make wrongheaded choices. I have seen her doing this, seen her seeking to understand their reasons for joining so she can systematically explain—from personal experience!—why they're not going to get any of that out of the army. It is a hell of a lot more effective than bitching them out or writing callout posts or starting whisper campaigns about them. She cannot delete those years of her life no matter how much she regrets them. There is only forward. I think we can all agree on that.

But what about all those things she said. "I regret nothing, I have no qualms, VA nipple money etc."

Well you have to understand that while of generally upright character, she is a bit of a scamp. She believes she fundamentally should not have to explain herself to randos who do not know her, who have never, not once, interacted with her, who are clearly digging for dirt and will twist anything she says no matter how banal. People see what they want to see and they look for evidence to reinforce their preconceptions; they'll go so far as to make alts to join servers, cherry-pick screencaps, crop them, and conveniently fill in the rest of the narrative for curious onlookers. So she decided to exaggerate and amplify and twirl her mustache like a supervillain. Give them a show, as it were.

To be clear, I'm not sold on this strat because it makes her look cartoonishly evil to people who can't understand sarcasm and hyperbole. But her friends and I are aware of her actual beliefs from actually talking with her for more than one (1) second instead of immediately believing two mysteriously cropped screencaps from a thirdhand source, and also aware that she did not in fact do those things people imagine she did. And isn't that what matters? Real-life harm? Do you even care?

Re: screenshots/so-called proof from shakertwelve & lakesbian's "callouts"

Girlfriend addresses them here. I will also note they have spread lies about me and other people before.

[rocksandmirrors]

this is something i wrote a couple weeks ago based on the second art of this post i've made, but i didn't feel like posting it on ao3. hope you enjoy!! the wonderful @sapphic--kiwi inspired me to write this, make sure to check out her blog as well <3 she's a very talented artist and writer

also watch out for body issues and internalized fatphobia

Matt couldn’t stand to see his reflection anymore.

He should have seen it coming, though; with all the work he had been doing for the last years, and being able to eat his fill every day, it was obvious he would gain weight. Yet, now that he stared at himself in the mirror, all he could see was the extra pounds that didn’t have to be there. He knew this was silly, but an immature part of him hoped he could have looked like these constructionist witches in the shows he watched, attractive and shaped like a V.

Grimacing, he pinched a bulge on his stomach and let out a groan. He hated looking like this, especially when he was so skinny just a couple years ago. Maybe he could skip breakfast, just for today. He wasn’t that hungry anyway.

Shaking his head to try and think about something else, Matt reached out to the cabinet above the sink until he saw Augustus’ reflection in the mirror, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. He froze as they locked eyes, and he prayed he hadn’t seen too much of him wallowing in his misery.

“Hey,” he mumbled, finally opening the cabinet to grab his hairbrush. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“Nah.” Matt heard footsteps behind him, and a few seconds later, felt a pair of arms around his waist, as well Augustus’ warmth against his back, and his chin on his shoulder. “You’re up earlier than usual.”

“Eh, I just woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. Figured I could get prepared for work, at least.”

Augustus’ hands wandered around his stomach and hips- areas of his body that he hated more than anything- and he repressed the urge to push them away. Instead, he started brushing his hair, slowly, untying all the knots one by one. He had two hours left before leaving, might as well take his time.

“Matty, are you okay?” he asked, slumber still staining his voice.

“M’yeah. Sort of.” When he met Augustus’ eyes again through the mirror, he sighed. “No, not really.”

“I know. I saw you.”

Yeah, he figured as much. His fiance had that talent for always being at the wrong place, at the wrong time. He put his hairbrush down next to the sink, still staring at their reflections.

“Of course you saw me. There’s nothing else to see about me but… this,” he added, disgust dripping in his tone.

“Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

“Like what? Like I became fucking ugly? Someone here has to, because you sure as hell aren’t doing it.”

Matt was getting worked up over pretty much nothing and arguing with a brick wall; he knew that, yet couldn’t help it. Just thinking about the way his body had changed over the last years made him feel miserable and fall back into his old self-deprecating ways, aggressive towards someone who didn’t ask for it.

“You’re not ugly,” Augustus argued, leaving a peck on his jaw. “You’ve never been.”

“Augustus, you don’t need to rub me up the right way. I know I’ve changed, I mean- you’ve seen me at seventeen, look at me now! I was in much better shape back then!”

“Were you?”

“Do you really need me to make an illusion of my old self to compare?” He asked, arching an eyebrow.

Augustus shook his head, his hands still rubbing the parts of his body he hated the most. Matt just wanted this conversation to end, to go on about his day and shove that brief moment of vulnerability into a corner of his mind so he could forget about it. As much as he hated his current appearance, he never intended for his lover to listen to him vent about his body issues first thing in the morning.

“Matt, you had nothing to eat as a teen, of course you were skinnier. Hell, I’ve seen you digging through trash at school just to have lunch.”

“Yeah, but-”

“You’ve grown up. You’re doing a lot more physical work, and like it or not, you can’t keep your teen body all your life.” One of Augustus’ hands moved up to his torso. “If you really want to lose weight someday, I’ll support you, but I want you to know I also love how you look right now, because you’re just as healthy and handsome. Frankly, I’m happy to see you like this.”

Matt’s breath got stuck in his throat, and his eyes widened at these words. He knew Augustus tended to be clingier than usual whenever he lacked some sleep, but he still needed to get used to all the praise that came with it.

“I don’t really see it,” he admitted with a shrug.

“That’s okay. I don’t expect you to get over this right away.” The younger witch left another kiss, this time at the nape of his neck, and a shiver ran down his spine. “But trust me, if you could see yourself the way I see you, you’d marry yourself in a heartbeat.”

Matt could feel- and see- all the blood rushing to his face, and suddenly, the warm hands wandering on his body didn’t bother him as much- they felt loving, tender, worshiping every part of the body he still struggled to accept as it was. He leaned into Augustus, still standing behind him, and the arms around him wrapped themselves tighter.

“Are you feeling any better?” He asked.

“I… Yeah, actually. Thanks, babe.”

“No problem.” Augustus left one last peck on the shell of his ear before stepping back, and Matt immediately missed his warmth. “Since we’re both awake, I’m gonna make some coffee. Do you want some?”

“You know it.” Matt turned around to face him, offering him a tired smile. “Let me make you breakfast, yeah?”

“Don't worry, I’m not touching any pans in this kitchen,” he yawned as he left the bathroom.

Matt watched his fiance walk away, then turned back to his reflection. Half of his hair had been brushed, the bags under his eyes were a little more prominent than usual, contrasting with his crimson face, and his shirt was a little crinkled from where Augustus had been touching him. He pinched a bulge on his stomach again, poking at the fat here and there with a faint smile.

Maybe he could indulge in breakfast today.

[sophieinwonderland]

Clarification on the "Essentially Fakeclaiming" Line

It's come to my attention that after a post I made referencing an unnamed user "essentially fakeclaiming" me, that user got an ask accusing them of fakeclaiming.

Now, the SN document does reference an unrelated incident with this same user being accused of fakeclaiming someone else, and says that wasn't intended to be fakeclaiming. So it's entirely possible that the timing of their ask was purely coincidental. (Note: I know nothing about that incident or those allegations.)

If not though, I'd first like to say... don't do this.

Don't send people hate anons on my behalf. Especially if I'm leaving their names out specifically to discourage this sort of behavior.

With that out of the way, the context for that was this callout post from over a year ago.

The highlighted portion is what I considered "essentially fakeclaiming."

It was not as overt as the fakeclaiming from the SN admin. But I do feel that accusing a system of disregarding when "actual systems" speak up is intended to imply that system is "not an actual system."

Perhaps it wasn't intended to be fakeclaimy, but this is how it came off.

Full disclosure: Subtle fakeclaiming like this isn't even that out-of-the-ordinary for me. It's not unique or surprising, and while I remembered it, it didn't affect me too much when being fakeclaimed is the norm.

I'm going to go off on a side tangent for the moment...

Honestly, the "abusive sources" line has always been the most infuriating thing to me. This was in reference to me posting a study conducted by an atheist psychological anthropologist into practices of the Vineyard church, which has hundreds of churches across the country.

There are SO many layers to this. From the fact that Vineyard churches are decentralized and aren't really a single organization, so accusations of abusive behavior towards one church wouldn't apply to all churches... to the hypocrisy of the same people who labeled the entire group of hundreds of churches to be abusive being the same ones to dismiss accusations of the SN being abusive because it was only a few members who spoke out, with zero self-awareness... to the simple fact that the Vineyard Church isn't the source of the paper, just as a lion isn't the source of a nature documentary.

(There's also something to be said about the "sources aren't about DID/OSDD" thing, when... yeah... my sources about endogenic plurality AREN'T usually about DID/OSDD and don't claim to be.)

Anyway, umm... that rant aside... me venting about old drama isn't permission to send hatemail to people. Please don't do that.

[piracytheorist]

Okay I gotta admit it, I logged in today just to check my notifications and messages because I was curious. Seems like cold turkey isn't something I can do, but I feel like I've found things to occupy the time I'm not spending on tumblr anymore, so I feel distancing myself from the site is possible. Not having the app on my phone anymore helps.

Anyway, I took a quick look on twitter today, and while I didn't see any sxf spoilers, I did see a post about a thematic week that I won't be able to take part in, not even as an audience, because it will be centered around stuff I haven't seen yet.

And damn me, I want to read further into the story so bad. It's been almost six full months since the last episode aired, and I'm finding myself wondering what is happening next based on the vague spoilers I've gotten. And there's at least three and a half more months left. I just know, I know it, that I will enjoy the story three times as much seeing it animated - and like, if I'm truly honest, my main drawback from manga reading isn't that it's not animated, or acted, or even coloured. It's that my way of reading it is not how it's intended to be read. Like, if I could have the chapters printed out for me, that would be ideal. Like:

Reading the story like this? Feeling the pages in my hands, seeing the wide and two-page panels in all their glory? Terrific. Perfect. 10/10.

Reading it like this? Having to scroll up and down for long panels, zoom in for small speech bubbles and out for wide panels, pixels getting distorted based on how zoomed in I am? No, thank you, immersion go bye bye. If I had a vertical monitor I probably could have worked it out, but I don't have a vertical monitor nor can I afford one right now.

And you'll tell me, well, a lot of further chapters are available in the next volumes. And I'll say, I'll probably work only for half of July, my contract ends after that, and in August I may need to move out to a different city so I won't even be able to get a steady job that won't work me to the bone. And I'm on a tight budget, so even the forty euros (being generous here, cause volume 10 isn't easily available to me yet so 10 euros for it is a generous offer) I would spend on the next four volumes are money I cannot afford right now. Plus, I know they don't reach to the current chapters so I would still have a ton of spoilers to avoid.

I don't know why I'm explaining all this lmao. I just feel like I don't want people to think I'm an anime snob. Because by god with every week I feel my resolve break. If I actually make it to October without having read one single manga chapter it will be a miracle. It's such a weird challenge I'm putting myself through, I don't even know if y'all can understand it. It's not like it's a challenge I can "win", or a challenge I can award myself for passing. Maybe a bit of venting can help, idk. It's not like I'm asking for recognition or pity or something, I am aware of how weird my choice may seem. I just had some feelings and thought, "well, fuck, what do I have my tumblr blog for".

Idk. I just feel like I love this story so much and in such a way that I also want to properly enjoy it. If I lived in Japan and spoke the language, you know I'd be running to whatever stores sell the magazine where the new chapters are posted in every two weeks and sit outside the very store and read the new chapter before even getting back home (wait, are individual chapters even printed out in Shonen Jump? I'm not sure I've understood the whole thing completely). But since that isn't happening, my choices are a) waiting for a long time and not interacting with fans, but enjoying the story animated, with colour, voice acting, soundtrack and on wide screen (and yeah yeah it's an adaptation not the original but listen it's a good adaptation and this is why it's drawn me in) and b) getting the full story and interacting with fans now but seeing the story in broken-down panels and messed up pixels, while having to fix the zoom-in and -out on every page. And I know me. I know choice a will make me immersed in the story, while choice b will just give me the details of the story. Maybe I am a snob after all, idk. I'm not making any effort to explain or apologize for myself. I'm just venting, lol. It's been weird and lonely and IT'S BEEN TOO LONG AND OCTOBER IS TOO FAR AWAY T_T

Anyway. Been doing good other than that. I will probably revert to logging out every day in order to try and keep my distance from the site, but coming back every other day or so. We'll see. I have a few messages to respond to (and a few more spoiler-free manga panels to react to! yay!) so I'll get to those today.

[randomnameless]

As claude is my fav character in FE16 one of the things that confused me about people praising Three Hopes GW as the "true claude" because GW Claude uses more violent methods to get what he wants and therefore somehow that means he's the manipulative schemer we the devs always intended , it just made me go ??? Like what??

Cause as your post pointed out, he already was a manipulative schemer in FE16. like we know he uses people to try to push things in his favor, but because it wasnt outright violent then somehow that made him a goody two shoes???

Like uh no. He's not a goody two shoes and he has always been morally ambiguous. he always had these flaws. it's one of the reasons I like his character.

the difference was he drew a line at how far he'd go.

Like why bother using force or violence when you have Hilda to charm people into doing what you want? Why fight the church when you can use them to bring in recruits to take down Edelgard and end her war? Why not use Byleths influence to bring people together in Fodlan and then use them to establish peaceful relations between Fodlan and Almyra? Why use violence at all when you can use guile.

Anyway hes always been a little shit lmfao. I can't blame people for not liking him for it either its totally understandable! The reasons you dislike him are why I like (and hate) him. He's secretive and he's manipulative, always has been.

But to his credit, he does have his limits and when he goes too far he steps back , apologizes or admits his faults, reevaluates and tries to do better- with ehh varying outcomes. And that's so realistically human. He's a work in progress.

He chooses to seek the truth, he always wants more information, and he's willing to hear people out. This plus his self awareness and willingness to change his view based on new information is IMO his greatest strengths. Everyone has biases, but how many of us are able to look at ourselves and consider what if I'm wrong.

By the end of the game his character is very different from where he began. His stance on Rhea and Fodlans faith by the end of VW is perhaps one of the most obvious changes.

whoops my venting warped into this LOL sorry 😭😭😭

Ooh don't worry!

I actually don't mind talking about characters with people who don't share the same opinions, if I had to talk to myself it'd be pretty boring lol

But yep, as you said, Claude is a work in progress, and I'll even say he still evolves between VW's end and his epilogue card*!

Yellow units have always been a wild card in FE, they're not your allies like green units, but they have their own allegeances and might become enemy units later on, or not.

And even if Claude has a manipulative streak and sometimes prioritizes his goals instead of the means used to reach that goal, Fe16's Claude is a Claude who is shown being able to take a step back, reconsider, realise he's wrong and ultimately move in another direction.

Claude can apologise and learn.

But there are lines Claude will not cross to reach his goals, at least in Fe16. And those lines are what Flamey jumps over during WC.

Come Nopes and... Clout crosses the same lines VW's Claude wouldn't have crossed, Claude can manipulate and be sneaky, Claude doesn't start wars. Fe16's Claude offers his sympathies to Billy after Jerry kicks the bucket, he doesn't give Billy his best Caellach impersonation.

And when his Nopes version refuses to consider other POVs or even reconsider, it's annoying because, hey, we know Nopes wasn't supposed to portray the lords in a good light else the player who inserted in Billy would feel bad, but we came from a Claude who learns and admits (even if it's subtle) he was wrong...

To a 1st year undergraduate student who thinks he is smarter than everyone in the room, and doesn't even bother to read his syllabus. Claude graduated, Clout didn't, and we have to follow the "non developed" Clout in Nopes making bad decisions on top of bad decisions... Yeah, I can see why it's really annoying for fans of guys character.

* I earlier checked the VW ending painting thingie, Claude apparently is holding a treaty to alliance lords and they are negotiating? But while both sides are backed up by soldiers, only the Almyran ones have weapons?

I know Almyra is a sour subject - I can think of both doylist and watsonian reasons why Claude never adresses the elephant in the room, even in the Fe16 room - but ultimately in his ending cards Almyra and Fodlan finally have their famous peaceful relationships and king Claude even furthers bonds with the two states, so it sort of worked in the end!

[rainy19days]

I guess I should make some kind of introduction if I'm doing this tumblr - fandom shit.

(It turned out longer than I initially intended and more like me venting on my life rather than an introduction so feel free to ignore this post)

One shitty day around September I started to think about the things that made me happy when I was a teenager. One of those things was reading yaoi manga (obviously). But I stopped reading yaoi (or any kind of manga to be exact), or watch anime, or draw, or write poems and stories when I met my boyfriend. Life had fucked me up and falling in love fucked me up even more but also it kind of healed me in a lot of ways, it's still confusing to me to this day. Anyway, I threw myself headfirst into this relationship leaving everything behind, I didn't need anything beside him. This love was my escape, I needed to separate myself from my past and at that time it felt freeing. Skipping 10 years later, I realized no relationship is perfect. Even this boy who I know FOR SURE that I've been chasing through fucking lifetimes to finally meet again, because he's my fucking soulmate, even he is not perfect, and well I guess we'll try to be better again in another life... But, I'm getting distracted here... What I'm trying to say is that we both kind of gave up or forgot about ourselves. We stopped being our own separate selves. And that is fucking sad.

So that one shitty day I decided to try logging into my old tumblr account. Of course I didn't remember the password but I finally managed to log in, and I immediately felt a little nauseous when I saw my original introduction as a 22 year old. I never realized it's been full 10 years. 10 long years of not doing the things that I used to enjoy so much.

It was kind of strange and unfamiliar to be on this app again, not to mention the last time I was here I was on my computer, I don't even remember if the app existed. Of all the blogs I followed only one or two keep posting. I felt out of place, so I logged out and instead I started to wonder if Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai had been completed. It was the first title that immediately came to my mind. I remember being obsessed with it and that the last chapter that was out but not translated at that time was when Yashiro left after having sex with Doumeki and talked to Ryuuzaki in the car. After some time of digging the internet (God, it's so difficult to find anything nowadays, all the manga reading sites that I used in the past are gone) I finally found out that the manga is still ongoing and without a moment of hesitation I devoured it from start to finish. All the feelings that I had for this ship came back to me with a new force. How did I live not even thinking about it for so long? Was I dead?

Not sure how I was gonna function until new release that was supposed to be at the end of November, I obviously reread Saezuru countless times. I also tried rereading other stuff and looking for something new but nothing compared to this. Then, something hit me. What was the name of this manga that I used to see some random panels of in my explore page on instagram? About some teenagers doing teenager stuff but also being kinda gay about it. I specifically remembered the panel of two boys on the bed, one with his upper body on the floor, the other on top of him. I was almost positive that there was number 19 in the title, so it didn't take too much time to find it and start reading. Yeah, the beginning is a little bit dark and I was a little confused looking at those short, a few panels long chapters and random art, but when the middle school part began I was immediately in love. I logged into tumblr again and proceeded to read as many posts analyzing this masterpiece as I could find.

I'm obsessed. I feel like a teenager again. I can't think about anything else. My mind is preoccupied with TianShan and I can't function anymore. There are so many thoughts, so many ideas in my head I'm scared it's going to explode if I don't let it out somehow. That is why I created this side blog. The only problem is that I'm an adult and I got adult stuff to do. I wish I was around when I still had some more free time on my hands. Also, I feel a little creepy for being 32 and drooling over 15 year old boys. On the other hand... isn't Old Xian about my age? Maybe it's alright then lol.

I think that's it. Just wanted to explain how I got here and warm up before posting anything else. Now I'm embarrassed thinking that someone might actually read this. At this point I can't tell if I'm going to post much of my own content or if I'll just abandon this blog when life gets in the way. Nevertheless, here's where my fandom journey begins.

[satanfemme]

THANK U for talking about the part in the batman where he straight up says hes going to be working against looting in the comedown from a massive crisis thereby implying its equally as destructive as the other crimes hes been fighting throughout the whole film!!!!! i interpreted that line the same way and was shocked that i havent heard anyone else speak about it, whether it was intended that way or not it feels really insidious to place that line of dialogue in such a high profile movie. wrt ur other post id be curious to hear more of your thoughts on this riddler ?

god yeah. glad I'm not the only one weirded out by that line then, I was a bit worried I was being too much of a kill joy but like it WAS a weird line and the movie WAS full of fucked up political messages.

also my thoughts on the riddler are that the "political activist fighting oppression - but also he kills a baby so obviously he's the bad guy" trope fucking sucks ass. imo they didn't even give him any believable motivation for the terrorist attack at the end (why would he want to harm all the struggling normal citizens in the city???? his whole THING was targeting the politicians who do that). and up until that terrorist thing he was honestly JUST as much of a vigilante as batman except... uhm.... way better at the job. considering he actually whistleblowed major political corruption AND did something about it. what did the batman do before the riddler? join gang fights? lol. the riddler was more of a hero than the batman was (the riddler even made a point to only target the corrupt!!! which was why batman's "good cop" friend was fine. the riddler had superhero morals) and I'd bet money that's why they tacked on the ending which felt so out of touch with everything else - to make the villain seem less correct, and also probably to milk that sweet sweet "superhero as a cop and first responder" imagery. "see, you CAN trust the government and the activists just want to kill everyone. uwu". anyways.

politics aside, I am also just a little in love with the riddler as a character too, I thought the riddles and detective work he brought to the table were fun, especially for a superhero movie (solving a mystery is inherently way more of a plot than like half the mcu). I thought his tactical outfit was cute (don't boo me I'm right, it was cute), he had tboy swag, and also - and I'm allowed to say this - his neurodivergent swag was enamoring. critical media analysis brain off I love a mentally ill queen. would loveeeee to do group therapy with that guy. I couldn't fix him but I could gossip about anarcho/communist theory with him. + I want to see what he would make for art therapy. I think if I vented to him he'd get it and say something just as insane back. kisses him sweetly, my little skrungly.

[altschmerzes]

re: accusing partnering aros of enforcing amatonormativity, I’m really not sure what’s going on there either?? like, I can say that a while back a good portion of the aro blogs I follow started id’ing as loveless (which is completely fine, btw! I don’t have any problems with that label), but I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it, or if it does, if it is just a miscommunication or tone issue. are people really trying to claim being in a QPR, a nebulous relationship, or even just being an “overly” committed friend is completely accepted without romantic undertones, like people don’t still make “oh you mean like having friends” jabs about QPRs in particular? if so, yeah that’s pretty bad but since I haven’t seen someone say it that strongly I’m gonna guess it’s a miscommunication or tone issue (feel free to correct me if that’s actually what you’ve seen happening). I haven’t seen aros being outright encouraged to “replace” romance with a QPR (not to say that it could never happen), but what I HAVE seen before is people warning each other NOT to do that. again, I really don’t think I’ve seen a ton of alloro people outright encourage aros to be in QPRs or some other kind of partnership. (possible exception is how the cost of living in a lot of places is too high to be met alone or without a really good job, but that’s not the fault of aros who want to partner,,,,,, like lads that’s just amatonormativity and it affects all of us. nebulous relationships not being widely accepted is part of that???? and if it’s a thing where people are claiming you could just pretend to be a “normal” married couple, erasure is not a privilege. having to be closeted because most people wouldn’t understand your relationship is not a BENEFIT just because it could potentially protect you from social consequences)

granted, I’ve only been involved with the aro community for about a year or two, so if there’s something further there I’d like to know. sorry if I’m reading too deep into it or whatever I’m just Lost on what the hell is going on. and, non-partnering aro folk, if you’re just venting about relationship hierarchy then apologies to you too for assuming the worst🤷‍♂️ I don’t mean to start discourse here I just Do Not Understand /gen

re my previous ask: didn’t mean to imply that people in QPR’s need to or even WANT to get married. apologies if that’s what the wording made it seem like.

re: the addendum first of all, of course!! i didn't assume so, but thank you for the clarification regardless. people in qprs/committed nonromantic relationships can and do get married, but there's no expectation for them to need or want to! same for romantic relationships. marriage is right for some people and not right for others, and that's fine. (for some, marriage isn't an option even if they do want it, but that's another conversation.)

anyways! to the bulk of your ask. i'm gonna put this under a cut bc the answer got very long, but please to anyone reading this understand that i am expressing my opinions and experiences in good faith and respect, and would request anyone responding to me to do the same. i'm not trying to upset anyone or start arguments, i'm merely discussing a type of post that i've seen a surge in lately and the way they impact me.

in respect to my loveless community members, whom i respect and uplift even though their experience is very different from my own, i'm gonna say it's not related to the recent uptick in that identifier. i'm sure a lot of it is a miscommunication issue - that people making these posts are not intending for them to come off the way that they are, or to be as hurtful as they are to other members of their own community.

as to whether people really are making the claim that qprs and other types of nonromantic committed relationship is accepted and normalized as opposed to nonpartnering, which isn't, then yeah, i've seen that asserted repeatedly. i don't know if people saying that mean it like in general or specifically in the aro community, but if they mean just in the aro community:

they need to be way more clear in their wording because it all sounds like 'aros in qprs are just allowed to do whatever and their relationships are validated, celebrated, and unquestioned', which is just. factually untrue. amatonormative society wants people in romantic relationships (generally speaking, straight relationships, though there is amatonormativity abounds in the queer community too, so this isn't what i'm talking about here). it's not like we live in a reality of romantic and nonromantic relationships are elevated in the same way (with nonromantic relationships being seen as the Aro Alternative) and nonpartnering is othered and looked down on. it's that romantic relationships are the ideal and the goal, and Anything Else - be it partnering in a way amatonormative society finds unacceptable or nonpartnering or what have you - is othered and looked down on. this is obvious as hell in a lot of ways, but especially the couple of times the last year or so that someone's post about their committed nonromantic relationship went viral on social media (reddit, tiktok, etc) and people just could not be normal or reasonable about it.

if it did BECOME that way (that it was widely and generally accepted and supported, even as the still-derogatory 'aro version' of amatonormative society's goal) it would still not be the fault or responsibility of aromantic people in nonromantic partnerships of any kind. but this is not the case, so talking about it like it is isn't helpful to anyone.

in my eight years of experience in the aro community, qprs/nonromantic partnerships are no more generally accepted/lauded than any other way of life and doing relationships, including nonpartnering. i think there was some more potentially problematic language in older resources about types of relationships aromantic people can 'still have' and whatnot, but the language i see these days in even more 101 resources is a lot more inclusive like 'aromantic people can have xyz types of relationships and some do but some don't' type stuff. i personally in my experience see and have seen more positivity/general representation in aro posts for people who are nonpartnering, people who prefer living alone, people who choose not to 'do life' so to speak with a partner. maybe this is just because of who i've been exposed to via blogs i've followed/posts i've seen in the tags/conversations i've come across in my years in and around the community! but i have not personally seen anything concrete demonstrating what anyone could be referring to re: some kind of hierarchy within the aro community that values aros in any kind of relationship over aros that choose not to partner at all.

and honestly though there are fewer posts outright saying that it's already happening, i have much the same issues, honestly, with posts that are "people warning each other NOT to do that." re: approaching/being in qprs/otherwise labeled nonromantic committed relationships in an amatonormative way or somehow using them to perpetuate amatonormativity. warning people not to do that feels very similar to me to accusing them of doing it, but with plausible deniability. i find little meaningful difference in it, because why would you be making something up to warn people about if you don't see a clear and imminent approach of it happening?

and i just don't... see the basis for that. none of the posts i'm thinking of or was referring to contain any actual explanation of what it is that they're upset about partnering aros doing/saying other than... being partnering? while the OPs of those posts feel discriminated against or mistreated for being nonpartnering. which is a real and true thing that happens! but is not being (generally aside from i'm sure individual bad actors which exist in every community) done and perpetuated by other aro people. and even if those posts are addressed outside the community - which it is never clear to me if they are, if that's the case - the implication that i always get is that they're made out of anger or upset at the aro community/other aro people somehow.

nobody can seem to point me in the direction of actual examples of this (qprs/nonromantic relationships perpetuating amatonormativity, which in itself just. feels ridiculous to me because amatonormativity is inherently opposed to nonromantic relationships) happening. i don't see what this is based on!

all i can see is (justified!) upset and anger at arophobia that's manifested a certain way in the lives of certain people that is being displaced at other aromantic people who are also the victims of arophobia just not in the exact same way, and who are not responsible for the harm the OPs of these posts are experiencing.

and like as to the idea of being able to pretend one's nonromantic partner was just a 'regular' romantic partner in any context (marriage, living together, just. in a relationship in general), yeah that's like. erasure isn't a privilege, and personally the idea of someone mistaking a relationship like that for me as a romantic relationship is extremely upsetting to me, as i'm an incredibly intensely romance repulsed person.

i'm assuming the nonpartnering people making these posts are often venting. and maybe i'm seeing an abnormally large number of those posts because of some algorithm-related reason! but the way those venting posts are put often feels to me like justified and real anger and upset being vented in an inappropriate direction. and they're often addressed outwardly, so it's impossible to tell if they're vent posts or actual instructions/requests/chastisements to others. i just can't tell, and i'm sure the intent is not to have any of the impact that i'm discussing here. but the reality, for me and for others i've spoken to who feel similarly, is that the way these posts are being made is unhelpful, unclear, and often misdirected and just flat out not accurate.

[hua-fei-hua]

[clatterbane]

(Re: this post)

@librarychair - Thanks!

I really do need to get my partner to try and get in touch with somebody, to try and jog things like he already offered to do. I just didn't feel like dealing with anything before the weekend, so didn't bring it up again. (And he's aware of some of the medical trauma history so really does not want to come across as pushy. Which I do appreciate.)

Besides the phone and accessibility issues, they'd hopefully also take it more seriously if a man with a more British-sounding accent somebody else is expressing concern about my being on liquids for like 2 weeks now.

(That would also be easier if either one of us knew the system better to even know who to contact outside an absolute emergency, of course. Since nobody actually grew up here or has had that much successful experience dealing with the NHS.) Guessing the GP's office is the obvious place to start here--because consistently heavy gatekeeping--which doesn't greatly fill me with confidence either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, yeah it is unsustainable. And would be even without the ED garbage making things that much harder. I was already at least on the verge of clinically underweight if not already there (with a pretty large frame to boot), and I am honestly pretty concerned now at being physically able to get a maximum of half the energy my body needs a day into it. Besides the issues of nutritional balance and, you know, quality of life.

And of course the whole underfunded healthcare system is in a particular mess right now, with the plague resurgence. Easy enough to not just fall--but actively get shoved down into--the cracks normally. *sigh*

Between the GI situation and the ongoing uncontrolled nerve/phantom limb pain from the prescription fuckery? That's why I haven't been around much lately.

And apparently needed to vent more than I intended to! Sorry to do it in your general direction.