#but anyway people asking me to hang after YEARS is actually good cause at least i have a few new things to catch them up on probably

[nataliesfirefly]

You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F!Reader - Part 4

a/n: hey everyone! i know it's been a while but the next part is finally here! not sure how many parts i want this to be bc i dont want to fill up the tag, still waiting to make an ao3 account haha- but anyways im getting a taglist started just of people who have shown interest in this series, if i put you on it and you don't want to be on it just let me know. and ofc if u want to be on it lmk! i also made a playlist if anyone wants to check that out :))

playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/60Kll9HCoQru14J18bT21C

series masterlist

word count: 3.9k

warnings: language, suggestive stuff?, alcohol, smoking, emetophobia

Things are extremely awkward with Felix. He’s too nice to kick you out of Saltburn, yet he’s too prideful to apologize, so you two are stuck dancing around each other with small talk and short interactions.

Things with Farleigh, on the other hand, are surprisingly good. You never would have expected how close you two became in the past few days. In fact, you can’t remember the last time he insulted you, at least not in a playful way. You must have bonded over your shared dislike for Felix at the moment.

But for some reason, you worry if you get too close, he might push you away.

Tonight was dinner with all of Sir James’s friends, and as the Cattons tend to call them, the Henry’s. The actual dinner was full of awkward conversations with people much older than you about the future of your life and what you were going to do after graduating college. You actually had no idea what your plan was or what you wanted to do with your life. You used to push all the questions away and blamed it on the fact that graduation was pretty far away. It only recently dawned on you that you would be graduating in about two years. 

After dinner, you sit in the dimly lit living room with Farleigh on the couch as everyone else participates in karaoke. You and Farleigh snicker at some of the guests’ performances, whispering things to each other as if you are judges of some competition.

Eventually, Farleigh sighs and stands to his feet. “I’m going to go smoke,” He tells you, putting his hands in his pockets. He turns and looks at you expectantly. You take it as his way of asking you to come with him, so you stand up and snatch the bottle of wine you were drinking off the coffee table.

You follow him up the stairs, down the long, dark hall and eventually into his bedroom. He shuts the door behind you and draws out the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lights one. “At least open the window,” You walk over to the window and open it to let the smoke out.

“Oh, right. Cause you hate the smell so much.” He rolls his eyes at you as he exhales some smoke. “Weren’t you the one that asked me for one of these the other day?” He points the cigarette at you and you glance down shamefully.

“Yeah. I wasn’t at my best, okay?” You shake your head and slump down to the floor, leaning against the wall and stretching your legs out.

“Okay, sure, miss goody two shoes.” He chuckles and sits down next to you. You take a swig from the wine bottle and sigh, leaning your head back.

“So, Felix…” Farleigh trails off and looks over to you. You continue staring up at the ceiling. “Can we not talk about Felix right now,” You reply, closing your eyes. “We need to,” He says, nudging you.

“What is there to talk about?” You ask, turning to meet Farleigh’s gaze. He presses the cigarette to his lips and inhales. “You said it yourself, that he only hangs out with me out of pity.” 

As he breathes out, the smoke passes over your face but you don’t care. “And what’s your problem with him? It seems like you’ve been waiting for someone to turn on him so you could join in,” You continue, and his eyes tell you that you’ve just read him like a book.

He quickly recovers and remains expressionless. “You’re projecting,” Farleigh responds. “Then why have you been so nice to me?” You ask.

The room goes silent and you are stuck in a moment where time doesn’t pass, it’s just you and Farleigh. His usual cold and dark gaze is replaced by something softer, warmer. Something in the air shifts and you can feel some kind of tension rising.

But then he looks away, breaking eye contact. “Because Felix is just stupid sometimes,” He finally replies, nodding toward the bottle of wine you are holding. You hand it to him and your fingers brush against his.

He takes a drink. “I don’t think he ever had bad intentions. He’s just an idiot,” You consider this. Maybe he’s just extremely out of touch with reality like the rest of the Cattons.

There’s a pause as you think of something to change the subject to.

“So… How about that Sadie girl?” You ask, turning to him with a grin. He gives the wine back to you and you take a quick swig.

Elspeth is, for some reason, attempting to set Farleigh up with a daughter of one of James’s friends. Her name is Sadie, and she is very pretentious and fake, from what you can tell. You hadn’t spoken to her, but you watched from afar as she and Farleigh engaged in a conversation.

“She’s alright,” He shrugs and stands up to press the cigarette out on his ashtray. He sits back down next to you and sighs.

“She was like, hardcore flirting with you,” You chuckle and observe his exasperated expression. “Oh, I know.” He smirks smugly and you roll your eyes.

“That’s weird, usually you hook up with someone the moment they show interest in you,” You smile at the way he frowns slightly. “That’s not true,” He furrows his eyebrows and glances at you. “Okayyy,” You say sarcastically.

A while later, you are still upstairs with Farleigh, but you are now feeling the effects of all the alcohol you’ve consumed. You both had gone downstairs to steal more booze, and you ended up drinking almost all of it. Your whole body feels tingly and warm, and your brain is fuzzy.

You run a hand through your tousled hair and sigh, turning to check if Farleigh is as wasted as you. He seems slightly better off than you, but his dark eyes are half lidded and glossy.

“Do you ever miss Sasha?” He glances at you, seeming surprised at your random question. Sasha is Farleigh’s ex from Oxford, who he had endured a tumultuous and rollercoaster ride of a relationship with. You had met her once or twice, she seemed kind, but slightly possessive.

“Sasha?” Farleigh repeats her name and takes a moment to process it. It seems like memories are returning to him and replaying in his head.

“Sometimes. But not really. She was crazy,” He raised his eyebrows and stared straight ahead. “You guys broke up and got back together, like, ten times,” You giggle foolishly and he turns to look at you, slightly offended by your amusement.

“It was too hard to keep up with,” You sigh after your laughter subsides. 

“I didn’t know you were keeping up,” You make eye contact once again with Farleigh, and this time his gaze is more intense. You can’t tell if it’s one of his usual sarcastic comments or if there was an underlying meaning behind his tone. Your face burns red with the realization that you had been studying his relationship so closely. But, really, everyone in your friend group knew about Sasha and Farleigh’s dumpsterfire of a romance. Break up, random hook ups, they said they love each other, then they argued again.

“It’s just.. what friends do,” You reply, your speech slurred. “Friends keep up with each other’s relationships.” You shrug and wave your hand as if to dismiss the seriousness of it.

“You consider me a friend?” Farleigh chuckles, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Well, what if I do?” Your voice comes out softer than you intended. 

There’s another long moment of silence and prolonged eye contact between you two. The tension is so thick, you can feel it in the air and your heart pounds. It’s almost like you are waiting for who will make the next move. Your brain is all muddled and you can’t seem to think clearly.

Your eyes flicker down to his plush lips and you can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or not, but your instinct is to kiss him. You grab him by the face, a hand on either cheek, and pull him in, smashing your lips together sloppily. You pull away, shocked at yourself, dropping your hands into your lap as your lips hover over his.

You expect him to be disgusted and stand up and walk away, but there’s a slight pause before he is grabbing you and pulling you back in, kissing you almost aggressively. Like he’s been starved, like there’s not enough of you.

You squeak with surprise before you melt into him, softening as one of his hands travels down to your neck and the other settles on your waist. You both have to gasp for air in between sloppy kisses, but you don’t mind. Your heart races and your hands travel up into his hair, running your hands through his unruly dark curls. You find that you’ve been waiting so long to do that, to feel his hair in your hands.

He bites your lower lip and your eyebrows pinch together. “Sorry,” He mumbles, although his voice disappears into your mouth. You feel yourself losing balance and beginning to fall back onto the floor.

Before you know it, he’s on top of you, refusing to stop kissing you. It’s messy and you know you’re both drunk, but damn does it feel good. The tension feels like it’s being lifted off of you, and it’s relieving. You don’t know how long it will last but hell, you’re enjoying it. Both of his hands have moved to your hips and his fingers are pressing into you.

You feel his lips move from yours, moving down from your jaw to your neck. He’s kissing and sucking on your skin so passionately that you know you will have bruises tomorrow. You moan quietly and you hear him groan in response, his low voice vibrating against your neck.

You attempt to catch your breath as you suddenly feel something in your stomach, something unpleasant. Saliva begins to build in your mouth and it’s like you have an internal clock telling you how much time you have left before you absolutely hurl.

“Far-Farleigh,” You place your hands on his shoulders. You whimper and slightly push up on him. He glances up from your neck, staring up at you in confusion. You can’t deny that you enjoy viewing him from this angle, but you have other concerns at the moment.

“Gonna throw up,” You manage to get out before he’s rolling off of you, allowing you to get up. You clamber to your feet and scramble into the connecting bathroom, barely making it to your knees in front of the toilet before you throw up. 

You grip both sides of the toilet for support as you practically spill your guts, coughing loudly. You would have liked some help or something from Farleigh, but it seems like he has just left you here to deal with it yourself.

You groan and wipe your mouth, sitting up and staring straight ahead in some sort of daze. You eventually come to your senses and stand up, flushing the toilet. You feel dizzy so you grab onto the counter of the sink to not lose balance, catching your reflection in the mirror.

Your hair is very messy, and your mascara is slightly smudged around your eyes. Your cheeks are warm and rosy, but in an unflattering way. You look like a wreck. 

When you walk back into his room, he’s gone. You sigh in frustration and press a hand to your aching and pounding forehead. Somehow, you stumble back to your room and flop onto your bed. You managed to avoid the small number of guests left in the house, along with Venetia and Felix. You just want to get some sleep after the shitshow that just happened. And you know you’ll be paying for it in the morning. 

2 YEARS EARLIER

You, Felix, and some of your other friends were gathered at the pub on a Friday night. There was chatter and the smell of cigarette smoke all around you. Felix returned from the bar and handed you a tall glass of beer.

You were focused on Farleigh and the girl who sat on his lap. Her hands were all over him, and he seemed totally enamored with her. She had a short skirt on and her wrists were covered in bracelets. She was pretty, you had to admit.

“Who’s that?” You asked, glancing up at Felix and pointing to the two. “Oh, that’s Sasha.” He replied. “She’s obsessed with Farleigh. And from what I can tell,” Felix sat down, pulling his chair closer to yours, “He’s liking it.”

You chuckled and took a sip of your beer. “Good for him,” You said, shrugging. “Bet they’ve already fucked,” Felix remarked and you snapped your head towards him. “Ew, Felix. That’s none of your business.” You made a disgusted expression.

“What? Everybody shags around here, it’s no surprise,” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Except you,” He added, grinning and nudging you. You rolled your eyes and looked back towards Sasha and Farleigh.

You didn’t want to imagine them… doing that. But for some reason, your mind kept trying to paint a picture of it. You shook your head to clear your thoughts. 

You didn’t know why, but for some reason, you felt jealousy bubbling up inside of you. Why was it so easy for her to get what she wanted? You had liked a few men at Oxford, but you didn’t really even want a boyfriend or a commitment like that.

But as you watched Farleigh and Sasha’s hands intertwine, you felt envious.

“Hey, Felix, who was that guy you were going to introduce me to?” You asked, tapping your fingers against the table. “What? Oh, Joshua? I thought you said you didn’t want to meet him,” He replied. Felix was trying to set you up with one of his friends who seemed like a player. At this point, you didn’t care. It was like you were trying to prove that you could actually get a guy. Prove to who, though?

“I know. I changed my mind,” You said decidedly. “Well, he’s actually here tonight. Would you like me to go grab him?” Felix stood up and pointed towards the other side of the pub. You nodded. “Sure,”

You waited patiently and took a few swigs of beer for confidence. A minute later, Felix returned with a man who was a few inches shorter than him, with fluffy blonde hair and hazel eyes. Freckles were dusted across his nose and his skin was nicely tanned due to the warmer weather of spring. He looked sweet and innocent, but the rumors you had heard about him told you otherwise.

“Hello,” He greeted you, holding out his hand. You stood up to shake his hand, smiling as you introduced yourself. “Nice to meet you, I’m Joshua.” He grinned brightly and Felix seemed amused by the interaction.

“Hi, Joshua.” You tried to make a good first impression, although you weren’t good at this stuff. But it seemed like he was already interested, looking you up and down.

You both sat back down and began small talk about classes and life and friends. Felix left you two alone, but you’re not sure where he went. It was good, talking to someone new, but still a bit uncomfortable since you were so introverted. The conversation flowed nicely between the both of you.

You couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching you. You glanced up, seeing Farleigh’s cold gaze drilling into yours, flicking back and forth between you and Joshua. It was like he was waiting to see who would break eye contact first, and of course, it was you. Your gaze faltered down to the table and then back up to Joshua.

“You alright, love?” He asked, placing a hand on your thigh. You nodded and your face turned a shade of pink with embarrassment. “Sorry. Just thinking,”

“Hey, what do you say when we go back to my dorm? To just chill, relax, you know.” He tilted his head and you could already tell what he was implying. “Uh- Sure, yeah. Let’s go,” You smiled and stood up, grabbing your bag and walking past him toward the doors. He placed a hand on your lower back as you stepped by him.

You woke up the next morning unsure of where you were before memories of the night before came back to you. You were in Joshua’s bed, tangled up in the sheets, with your clothes off and scattered on the floor.

Your eyes widened as you realized you had lost your virginity to Joshua Brown. You sat up and scratched your head, not sure what to do next.

“Oh my God…” You whispered, looking down at Joshua, who was sleeping on his stomach, his face pressed against the pillow. It didn’t look like he was waking up anytime soon.

You stood up and winced as you realized you were a bit sore. You tried to be as quiet as possible as you picked your clothes up off the floor, hurriedly putting them back on.

Joshua stirred in his sleep and groaned, rolling over. You grimaced as you took your bag off of his desk chair, tip toeing to the door and opening it slowly.

You sighed with relief once you had closed his door behind you and you were safely out in the hallway. You know you probably looked like a wreck, but your main goal at the moment was to get back to your own dorm going unnoticed.

You heard your name being called, fairly close to you. You froze before turning to identify where it came from, and you swear your heart dropped to your ass. Farleigh was standing in the doorway of his room, which was conveniently right next door to Joshua’s, smirking at your frazzled state.

“You should work on keeping it down. I couldn’t sleep last night because I kept hearing you and Joshua.” He chuckled and you could feel your face heating up.

“Sorry,” You muttered, casting your glance downwards to the floor. 

“You finally got some after all,” He teased. “Can you shut up?” You groaned, facepalming and shaking your head. “Oh, I will if you can figure out how to,” He raised his eyebrows. “Was it really that good?” He questioned.

You considered the question. You didn’t really know if it was or not, you were just trying to be loud because you thought guys liked that. Were you satisfied by the end? No. But Joshua certainly was.

He seemed to notice your puzzled expression and he nodded. “Oh. So the rumors are true about him.” You tilted your head with curiosity. “What rumors?” You asked.

“Oh, you poor thing.” He cooed sarcastically. You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms. “Well, you’d better get back to your place so you can study,” Farleigh mocked. “Make up for that time you lost last night, huh?”

“Can you just not tell anyone? Please?” You knew it was useless asking him not to tell. He had the biggest mouth in the whole class. He just snickered at your pleading and stepped back into his room and shut his door.

That night you hung out with Joshua in his dorm once more, but you told him you didn’t want to have sex again. He respected your decision, so you were just drinking some alcohol with him and making out occasionally.

“Yeah, I don’t really know what I’m going to do with an English degree. I just had to pick something.” He shrugged. You were talking about your futures after Oxford and what you were both majoring in.

“Hm. Well, there’s a lot you could do,” You replied, trying to reassure him, although you weren’t too sure yourself. “You could be-” Your sentence is cut short by a loud moan coming from the room next to you.

“Ah, shit. It’s Farleigh and Sasha again,” Joshua shook his head like it was a regular occurence. “They’re usually at it for a while,” He informed you. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

Some odd, depraved part of you wanted to stay and listen. “No, that’s alright.” You shrugged. “Surely it can’t be that bad.”

The walls seemed paper thin. You swear you could hear every little noise, like the bed springs squeaking and the wanton sounds that came from Sasha. But then you heard something different. It was Farleigh, whimpering and moaning in a way that you couldn’t even believe what you were hearing. You didn’t know men could make sounds other than grunting during sex, let alone sounds like that.

“Oh fuck,” You heard him breathe heavily and Sasha was practically screaming at this point. 

“Damn. They’re really getting into it,” You whistled and raised your eyebrows. Joshua nodded. “I wish I was as good as people say he is,” Joshua looked down. “What?” You asked as you tried to ignore the continuous noises. He was really telling you to be quieter earlier today?

“Farleigh. People say he’s really good in bed,” Joshua explained. You were surprised that he was okay with discussing this with you. “Oh.” You chuckled nervously. You didn’t expect that, but for some reason it made sense. “Was I bad?” Joshua asked suddenly.

You froze at his question and wondered if you should tell him the truth. “I mean… I don’t really… know the difference, you know? It was my first time, remember?” You told him. He nodded but you could tell he seemed hurt and defeated.

“Right,” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and you leaned back in your chair. You could say this was one of the most embarrassing moments of your life, having to listen to Farleigh fuck some girl while having an awkward conversation with the man you had a one night stand with.

The next day around noon, you were walking to a café near campus when you saw Farleigh walking ahead of you on the sidewalk of the cobblestone streets.

An idea popped into your head and you smiled mischievously, jogging to catch up with him. When you appeared at his side, he glanced down and made a face.

“Are you following me?” He asked, glaring at you as you fell into step next to him. “No. I just had a complaint,” You tried to hide the smile threatening your face. “What’s that?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Me and Joshua were trying to have a nice conversation last night,” You started, and his playful expression immediately dropped. “Maybe try to keep it down next time, right?” You grinned and he stopped in his tracks.

“You were there last night?” He seemed annoyed and a little bit shocked. “Yeah.” You nodded and stopped next to him. “I mean, I couldn’t even hear my own thoughts,” You laughed to yourself and he narrowed his dark eyes at you.

“And it wasn’t even Sasha as much as it was you–” “Keep your mouth shut,” He ordered, and you knew you got a rise out of him. “Practice what you preach, that’s all I’m saying,” You waved and skipped along the sidewalk, leaving him standing there in shock.

taglist: @isla-finke-blog @ibimbogrl @drunkmysticsquirrel @alonia-olivia @novemilady @saltburnsworld

[brooooswriting]

Hello once again so,

Vada Cavell being high cuz of the whole shooting situation and R finds her past out on the sidewalk takes her home and takes care of her.

ofc if you don't feel like writing this for any reason

delete this

have a good day <3

Hi can I request Vada Cavell x reader where they both get high together and it leads to something more. Thank u I hope you have a amazing day

Higher than life

Vada Cavell x reader

Tw: weed, overdose, mentions of school shootings

You were on your way home from school after another dreadful day, teachers who tried to get the work done while ignoring the obvious pain of the students, consuls who tried to keep the moral up, security randomly checking peoples bag and students anxiously and depressed sitting in class counting down the seconds. For almost all of them it was the first shooting, it wasn’t for you. You moved here a year ago as your parents constantly had to move for their job and before you went here you were in schools in Texas and Ohio (just took random ones, please don’t come for me) where you were involved in shootings.

It still hurt, it still made you angry and mad and it still made you anxious but you knew how to cope with it, better than most. Sure Nick took his trauma and made something out of it but it may be him and around 10 other people while the rest is going down.

You sat in your car at a red light, staring out the window as your fingers drummed against your thigh completely out of space. At least until you saw someone familiar, Vada Cavell, sitting on the sidewalk starring into the sky. You thought for a moment before your turning signal went on and you took a right turn to hold in front of the girl.

Vada wasn’t quite the person you thought of becoming friends with, not that she wasn’t pretty and nice but there was just something about her that made you keep your distance at first. But in the end she just woed you with her humor and those damn pretty eyes, which was how you became friends. After the shooting you guys kinda drifted, just like she did with Nick, as she was always hanging out with Mia and while you actually really liked Mia you couldn’t disagree with Nick. The blond girl wasn’t a really good influence on Vada at the moment, it makes you sound prude. But while you weren’t really against some alcohol and weed you just knew that they weren’t a way to deal with the trauma.

“Vada, what are you doing here?” You asked as you stopped the car causing the brunette to tilt her head towards you. By now you could see her blood shot red eyes and the drowsy look on her face, she was barely responsive which made you hurry out of your car. “Vada, come on, get up” you told her as you tried to get her to keep her eyes open. After another two tries you just picked her up and sat her in the passenger seat of the car before lightly slapping her cheek. She grumbled a bit before slightly opening her eyes, “what did you take?!” You were quick to ask as it was obvious that she wouldn’t stay awake for long. “A lot of weeeeeeeeed” she giggled closing her eyes again, “how much Vada!” You buckled her in before she even answered. “Like… two and a half joints?”

You rolled your eyes as you closed her door, it wasn’t enough for her to have serious consequences. She’d probably throw up in the next couple of hours and then have a terrible headache but nothing more.

You sat behind the wheel thinking about where you would bring her. You couldn’t bring her home like this, you knew her mom and she would make such a big deal out of it. So you decided to bring her to your home, your parents were gone for the next two days anyway.

The drive was rather silent as the small girl next to you was still asleep and you were deep in your head. Normally driving cleared your head but right now you only wanted to arrive to take care of her, seeing her like this scared you, you were scared to lose her even though she wasn’t really yours.

When you arrived at your home you didn’t even try to wake her as you picked her up again and carried her into your bed room where you laid her under your blanket after you took her shoes off before sitting in the living room. After you read a bit you decided to cook something as you knew she’d get the munchies after weed, she always did.

So you balanced cooking and looking after her every 5 to 10 minutes to make sure she was still fine and breathing. It was crazy how many lives on idiot with a gun could ruin and how idiotic it was that this was even possible in America. Every student or teacher you saw that was shaking anxiously broke your heart.

You were nearly done with the pasta and the dessert when you heard some movement in your room, someone running to the bathroom to be more precise. Turning off the stove, you walked to the bathroom to find your friend laying on the ground with her head next to the toilet. “You alright?” You asked as you sat down next to her, taking a bit of paper to clean her mouth. “‘M great” she mumbled sarcastically causing you to smirk. “That’s what you get from overdosing on weed, idiot” you pulled her into a small hug which she gladly accepted as she leaned back into you. “Why don’t you take a shower? You can get some of my cloths and I’ll give you a toothbrush and then you can eat something” you suggested causing her to whine and shake her head. “Nooo, too tired”

You were and at the same time weren’t surprised. She just slept for like 3 hours but at the same time her body was fighting the overdoses. “How about you brush your teeth and eat a bit? Your body needs the energy and then you can sleep again, huh?” You were comfortingly rubbing her back as she kept whining and squirming. “Nooo” you finally had enough as you sat her onto the closed toilet lit and grabbed a toothbrush to brush her teeth yourself. Sure, it was a lot more complicated than her doing it herself but at least it was done.

After you were done brushing her teeth you made her walk into the bedroom while you got her food. “Here, eat at least a bit before you fall asleep again” your tone was strict causing her to pick up the fork and start picking at the food. “You still remember my favorite food” she drowsily smiled clearly showing that there was still weed in her system. “Of course I did, just because you forgot about me the last weeks doesn’t mean I forgot about you” you were truthful, while she didn’t reach out or answered you, you were constantly thinking of how she felt and if she was okay. Her smile disappeared as she guiltily kept eating.

Once she was done you went to put the food away until a hand on your wrist stopped you. “Can you stay please? I don’t like being alone” the look in her eyes broke your heart, so you sat down the plate on your nightstand and laid next to her. Her arms immediately wrapped around you, her head landed on your chest and one of her legs was over yours. You couldn’t deny the fact that you liked the way this felt. Which was probably why it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep too.

At least until Vadas phone started to blow up, texts and calls from her family, you completely forgot about them. Unsure of what to do, you stared at her phone. You could a) wake her up and make her answer the phone, but she was way to tired and high for that and b) was something you haven’t quite figured out.

Luckily you didn’t have to figure it out as your phone started to ring, your display showing the younger Cavells name. “Amelia, hey” you carefully whispered into the phone trying not to wake the girl next to you. “Y/n, do you know where Vada is? She didn’t come home, she isn’t answering her phone, everybody is freaking out” her breath was quick and her voice was unsteady, it was clear that she had been crying. “Oh, I’m so sorry. She’s with me, we fell asleep and forgot to text, her phone is probably on silent. Tell your parents that she’s with me, safe and that I’ll bring her to school tomorrow alright?” Your voice was kind and reassuring. “Okay, thank you. I’m sorry for spamming your phone” you grinned as the girl spoke. “No problem, I’ll see you around ok?”

After you hung up you decided to clean the kitchen before watching some Tv in the living room. The time neared 1 am when you decided to go to bed too, which put you up for another ultimatum. A) sleep next to her, like she asked you before or b) sleep in the guest room. You didn’t quite want to sleep next to her as she was still high when she asked you to do so and you felt like it wasn’t fair as long as she didn’t know how you felt, but you also didn’t wanna leave her alone so you settled into the arm chair next to the bed.

You woke up around 5:45 am to get ready before Vada woke up. You showered, brushed your teeth, did your hair, packed your bag, then put some painkillers and a water next to Vada before starting breakfast.

While you were cooking with your music blasting through the house, the brunette finally woke up. It took her a moment to realize where she was but as soon as she did notice that it was your house she relaxed. She was also more than happy to see the painkillers as she immediately chugged them.

You didn’t hear her walking into the kitchen nor did you notice her standing next to you until you bumped into her, nearly letting the pan fall. “Jeez, you scared me” you said as you put the pan down before turning towards her causing her to mumble a ‘sorry’. “How’s your head?” She groaned as an answer which made you grin, “well, I don’t wanna repeat myself, but that’s what you get for overdosing. Now sit down so you can eat breakfast before getting ready” you told her as you put a plate on the table before sitting down in front of her. “Thank you. For everything, not just for breakfast” her voice was small and quiet.

“Vada, we still have to talk about this” you started and her eyes immediately lowered. “I know that this shit is crazy and I get that it fucks with you, but drugs are not the solution. If you feel so terrible than come talk to me or talk to Nick but don’t overdose. You know how scary it was to find you completely out of it on a sidewalk after not hearing from you for over a week?” You were rambling, you knew that, but you just couldn’t stop yourself. Yeah, the situation wasn’t as bad but that doesn’t mean that it’s okay. “Don’t start this y/n” her voice suddenly turned cold and serious which made you flinch for a second. “Don’t start what?” You were genuinely confused. “Don’t talk to me or scold me like I’m a child” she was mad, more about taking it so far and nearly making you cry than about you scolding her but she didn’t know how to say that.

“I’m not talking to you like a child, you’re grown but that doesn’t make what you’re doing okay” you tried to keep your calm as your eyes watered even further. “You’re right! I’m an adult so I can do whatever I want” you scoffed. “Look, if you wanna hurt me by choosing Mia over me, while I’m pretty sure you know I’m in love with you, that’s fine but if you wanna hurt me, your friends, your family by overdosing then I’ll drive you to Mia. If that’s your plan, then keep away from me and Amelia, she doesn’t deserve this” you stood up and walked into the guest room slamming the door shut.

Vada has never hated anyone more than herself in this moment, how could she hurt you like this? You saved her yesterday, and she only hurt you. She loved you, she did since the first time she met you but she was too scared to do anything and now that she had an opportunity, she fucked it up.

“Y/n, please open the door” there was no movement on the other side, even after the third try. “Look, I’m sorry alright? I don’t know why I did it and it certainly isn’t my plan to do it again. I was confused and overwhelmed and it just destroyed me in that moment and then I thought, just a couple of hits to loosen up. But they only made it worse, I didn’t get chill, I overthought everything and when I was on my way to talk to you I realized that I would have confessed my feelings for you in that moment, I would have told you how much I love you and I was scared that that would ruin everything. So I took another couple of hits and it just kept going like that. But I promise I won’t touch anything like that anymore unless you’re with me. Now please open the door” her words were hectic, not well spoken and some barely understandable but they were true and that’s all that counted.

You opened the door and her eyes immediately met your bloodshot ones. She hugged you tightly trying to hide her own teary eyes. “I’m sorry” was a phrase she mumbled over and over again until you parted. “Can you stop apologizing and finally kiss me?” You asked her with your hands still on her shoulder. She grabbed your waist to pull you into her to finally connect your lips, causing you to melt into her.

This was everything you needed in that certain moment, it reassured you that she was still here, very much alive, and that you could influence her to stop doing drugs. Your lips moved against each other until your timer rang. “We gotta go to school” you whispered, your face inches apart from hers. “Fine” she grumbled before pulling you closer once more.

That day you walked into school hand in hand, Vada a bit less anxious. It was going to be a long way until she would be fine in school and didn’t touch weed anymore, but you promised yourself and her that you’d be there for her every step of the way.

[dibidibifiction]

Give Me A Hug: Chapter 2

Pairing: Taemin x Female Reader Word count: 1.8k

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction made for the personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone so as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons on whom the characters are based. She also does not claim ownership of any of the images that are being used.

chapter 1

masterlist general masterlist

. . .

TAEMIN

It has been a busy day. But what’s so different about it is, that woman from the elevator this morning tore my t-shirt apart.

I’m absolutely sure that I’ve seen her before. I just can’t point my finger on where exactly. And when.

“Somebody asked me out today,” I announce to Minho Hyung across from me as he takes a huge bite of his sandwich. 

“Really? Who did?” His words are almost inaudible.

“The woman who tore down my top.”

“Oh, that? I don’t think that’s what it is. She’s just guilty for the little accident she caused. Get over yourself.”

“What are we talking about over here?” Jinki Hyung joins our table with a tray stacked with a meal good for three people.

Minho Hyung and I stare at him.

“What?” he says after taking a spoonful of kimchi rice. 

“Taemin thinks some woman asked him out.”

“Good for you! What’s she like?” Jinki Hyung cheers for me.

“She’s almost as tall as me, shoulder-length hair, and she looks to be twenty-seven or twenty-eight,” I inform him. “Oh, and she’s Kim Jonghyun’s manager.”

“Ah, Y Noona.” 

“You know her?” I ask Jinki Hyung in a bit of surprise.

“Yeah, I’d seen her around before. Think it was three, four years ago, when I was still new here. She was also a stylist. I actually got to talk to her today. And damn, she did not age a day. She’s still as pretty as I remember her to be. She’s a year older than me.”

“Really? That means she’s five years older than me.”

“Why? Does that bother you?” Minho Hyung asks.

“Not at all, I like older women as much as I like, well, women in general. I just wonder if she’s still single.”

“Pfft!” he rolls his eyes. 

Jinki Hyung and I share a look. 

Apparently, he’s still sulking about his break-up. They had been together long enough for him to think that she was the one until she replaced him with a much more mature man. Not to mention richer.

Minho Hyung just keeps his head down as he chews his food slowly. At least he’s eating. In the past months, we couldn’t even get him out of bed. 

“Oh, there she is,” Jinki Hyung acknowledges.

I catch sight of where he’s gesturing at the glass window to find Y standing just in front of the building. It seems like she’s waiting for someone. 

I chug my glass of water before heading out. “Gotta go,” I wave to the Hyungs.

I race out of the restaurant, through the halls of the ground floor, and then through the lobby and the revolving door. 

As soon as I get to the spot where I saw her a few seconds ago, she’s gone. 

“Yes, I know. I’ll be there soon.” A woman’s voice reaches my hearing. “I just can’t find a taxi anywhere.” 

I turn around and it’s Y on the phone. I approach her the second she hangs up.

“Hey,” I call out as respectfully as possible.

“Oh, hey,” she smiles back, her eyes squinting from the afternoon sun.

“Remember me?” I say as I show her the tear on my back.

She giggles. “Of course.”

“Look, you’re not going to find a taxi at this hour. Why don’t I just take you to wherever you have to be?” I offer.

She stares at me, hesitating. “No, I can’t do that to you after I ruined your shirt.

“Come on, you can treat me after your thing. I can wait. I’m free for the rest of the day anyway,” I raise my eyebrows at her, trying my charm.

She pauses for a while. “Alright, that’ll be great.”

“Yeah?” My smile extends even wider as I feel excited.

“Yeah,” she nods, yet I can still see she’s a little hesitant.

So I lead her back to the building to get to the parking lot up the elevator. 

My friends would surely laugh at me if they saw me letting a woman ride my car. Since this car is so important to me, I never offered rides to anyone but Kibum Hyung and Minho Hyung. Even when I dated, it never got serious for me to be intimate. Except, of course, for the one-night stands I had back when I was in university. Then again, I never let them even get near this car. It’s my parents’ reward to me for finishing my studies. They saved this up for me all those years.  

I know it’s just been a day and I don’t know what this exactly is but I automatically smile when I lay eyes on her. 

But still, I have to figure this out before I get too serious. 

I pull the door open to the passenger seat for her. 

Her smile is small and toothless, but her eyes light up when they land on mine for a second while she hops in.

I check if she’s entirely in before shutting the door and then walk around the back to get to the driver’s seat. 

I exhale. “Alright,” I say comfortably as I start the car.

She stares at me, her eyebrows furrow. “Why are you smiling?” she asks.

I stare at her back in confusion. “Sorry?”

“You’re smiling.”

“Oh,” I stutter. “I just had a good day at work.”

I didn’t realize until now that I was smiling this whole time. So I bite my lip as I put on my seatbelt.

To my right, Y struggles to pull hers from the back of her seat.

“Here, let me,” I offer. Leaning to her side to gently pull her seatbelt to put it on her until I hear the click.

“Thanks.” Her face turns red subtly.

This time I feel myself smile. I just can’t help it.

As we drive to the highway, she keeps herself quiet, looking away from me and to the window, as if thinking far.

I hesitate to say a word, but I have to ask her something important.

“Y?” I speak her name formally. 

She doesn’t respond. Either she’s too deep into her thoughts or my voice is just too soft.

I check her out for a second, then eyes back on the road. “Y?” I repeat. My voice is a little louder yet stays gentle.

“Hmm?” she finally responds.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You still haven't told me where we're going,” I remind her. 

“Oh, shit,” she slaps her forehead, laughing at herself. 

I laugh too. Not only because she’s funny, but also because she’s fucking adorable. 

. . .

Two hours have passed and Y hasn’t come back down yet. She advised me to wait in the lobby and pointed me to the nearby convenience store in case I needed something. She did say that her meeting with her lawyer might be a while but I insisted on waiting in the car. I should’ve listened. 

I hear the vibration of my phone on the little compartment below the air vents to my right. My mom is calling me.

“Hello, Mom?”

It takes a few seconds of chattering sounds in the background before she speaks. “Taemin, you said you’re coming to the hospital tomorrow, right?”

“Yes, Mom,” I feel pleasantly serene by the sound of her voice.

“Don’t you forget it. I have to pick up your father at the airport.”

“I won’t forget it, don’t worry,” I assure her lovingly. I could never refuse her every request. “How’s it going over there?”

“Oh, you know, fine. Everything is okay today, no complications at all.” Her voice sounds obvious that it’s trying to sound cheerful, but I just see right through her.

“That’s good to know. Well, I have to go now. I’m hanging out with my friend tonight.”

“Sure, honey. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I hang up. Chills run through my veins as my throat aches from trying too much not to tear up. What happens in our family these days is something I’m not used to. Well, none of us are. All we can do right now is stick together until it’s all over. Whether it’ll result in a celebration or devastation. 

So I shake it off, swallowing my tears. I then decide to get out of the car. 

I take a little walk to the store. As I enter, I proceed straight to the beverages section. Upon choosing what I should have, I immediately recognize somebody familiar hiding by high stack cases of beer. 

I tap his shoulder. “Hyung?”

Kibum gasps in shock. “Fuck, you scared the shit out of me,” he intensely whispers.

“What are you doing here?”

“See that guy over there by the snacks? I dated him.”

“Oh, God. This isn’t one of your stalking sessions again, is it?

“Will you keep it down? He might hear you.”

“Kibum?” I guess he already did. “Is that you?”

“Oh, hey! How have you been? It’s been so long.” Kibum fakes enthusiasm.

I try not to burst into laughter, sensing how awkward this is. I recognize this guy who he used to date. Kibum Hyung was all over him until he was friend-zoned. Fuck buddies as he would say. 

“Good. I’ve been good. I’m married now,” he informs us happily, showing us his wedding ring. “Is this…?” I didn’t expect him to look at me.

“Ah, yes,” Kibum says, still faking. “This is my boyfriend, Taemin.”

“Nice to meet you,” the guy smiles at me.

“You too,” I say back politely. And suddenly, it’s not funny anymore. It displeases me to even think about being this guy’s boyfriend. I so want to kill him for implicating me in his schemes. He and I have always hated each other. Minho Hyung is the only string that ties us together.

As they’re keeping up with this awkward exchange, the bell rings by the entrance as someone proceeds inside. 

“Hey, thought I’d find you here,” Y approaches. 

“Great, Noona’s here!” Kibum exclaims. “Look, we have to go,” he says to the guy. “It was great seeing you.”

He then suddenly links his arms between Y and me and pulls us out of the store.

Y looks at me with a weird look, her expression confused.

I just gave her a shrug, not knowing how to explain that Kibum is kind of a crazy-ass fuck. 

This is not the first time I got dragged into his skits like this. Back in college, we pretended to be cops to scare another ex-boyfriend of his away. As expected, we got busted by a real policeman, none other than Officer Seo. It was a great fucking day for everyone.

chapter 3

[mega-ringsandthings-world]

Just a quick ask-

If the Red Force in the JT AU ever decides to lay low on Dawn Island (while looking for the Gomu fruit) with Luffy tagging along because, of course, he is lol, how does the whole mountain bandit debacle go down? Number one, Shanks is well-known at this point; years go by, and all, but still, his face was plastered into every single person's face at least once for the last six years. He's probably almost Emperor level at this point, and the pirate/marine world still says his name with awe, sympathy, and fear.

So, are they undercover? Shanks and crew dress down, hide the red hair and straw hat, row to shore just far enough out so the inhabitants can't see his ship properly? Also, I don't know if this version of Shanks would just shrug his shoulders and take the bandits' taunts. I mean, he could; it could be a "I've eaten scarier things for lunch, and this is barely a fly of an inconvenience." Or maybe it's because they're undercover he can't do anything? That would absolutely grind his patients and when he can finally just stab the guy na break his face in it’s gonna be so cathartic. Is this why he won’t loose his arm this way here but later? Because he just beats the bandit into an inch of his life before he can capture Luffy?

Also is Mihawk here? Just hanging around or is he off doing secret war lord stuff.

Also, is this how Garp finds out about Luffy? Or I’m completely off base with all of this but hypothetically if this all happened what the out come?

Anyways, this AU has brought me so much joy through such a hard semester and general few months. It really made my year; thank you.

Ohhh we're diving into the good parts here. Yessssss. To start, yeah, Shanks' face has been cemented into the public collective, and he's peaking. Already wildly powerful, but still a ways off from emperor status. At this point in the timeline he's gone into a period of 'calm', he's overcome the initial hurdles he faced after Loguetown, and is now taking a more protracted approach to climbing the ladder, i.e, stuff like the Gomu fruit. There's only so much that brute force and violence can bring at any given time, and he's instilled enough awe, sympathy, and fear in people that he can afford to dip down a bit. All that is to say that, yes, AU Shanks does in fact lay low at Dawn island for a year like in canon. Which brings us to the actual laying low part. Luffy is at the ripe age of six now, is fully glued to Shanks, and Shanks has free time on his hands. So he decides he wants to begin training Luffy in the ways of pirating, but he also does not want anything to threaten his well-being in any way, shape, or form. The compromise is to take Luffy along with him on this clandestine mission for the Gomu Gomu. (that Dragon agreed to let Luffy go was due greatly to Luffy's incessant whining getting in the way of him writing his political treatises) They do have to go undercover, or at least proceed very cautiously and secretively. (this is the part were Shanks dyes his hair) What helps them is that the inhabitants of Dawn Island, minus the nobles, are sympathetic towards pirates and their cause against the WG, and actively work to conceal Shanks' presence on the island/his ship. And Shanks has visited the island briefly once before, when Luffy was born on it. He's known to the inhabitants. Shanks would disregard the bandits in much the same way he does in canon, and never engages with them for the sake of the mission, up until the point when they try to lay a hand on Luffy, and that in particular does grind on him, because of Luffy having to witness everything and not understanding why Shanks doesn't fight back, they way Shanks has been teaching him to. So there's some pent-up unconscious rage at play when he finally lets loose on the bandits. The bandits come after Luffy because Shanks has been found out and the bandits were sent to retrieve Luffy, and while Shanks kills the others, one still does take Luffy. But the chase after him goes on for days instead of Luffy being found at once, so technically Shanks loses his arm much later than he does in canon. Garp already knows about Luffy at this point, but he's never had any concrete leads/opportunities to make a grab at him. When he finds out Shanks is on the island with Luffy, he decides to make a move and kidnap Luffy and stow him away with Dadan, where unbeknownst to anyone else, Garp is also hiding Ace with. Which leads into a whole other mess for a later date. Mihawk is in the middle of the formation of the Warlords, but he visits Shanks regularly on the island, which makes this period one of their hardest so far, as they have to be separated. Their individual tasks distract them, though, Shanks has a handful dealing with Luffy and searching for the Gomu Gomu, and Mihawk likewise has a handful with the new Warlords, so they stay busy enough to withstand the other's absence. Right back at you! I'm so glad you like it so much! It's really making my year too, it's so much fun!

[shuitoji]

chapter 2 of my jjk fanfic-to the death of me

“You're going to japan?” Megumi yells down the phone. “Y-yeah” Yuuji stutters, he doesn't like it when megumi yells on the phone it causes his ear to ring, but he does know why megumi is upset, especially at this point in their relationship. They both don’t know where they stand.

“Why don’t you come with me” Yuuji asks “i hear Nobara is back so it would be a fun little reunion”

“Sure,” Megumi responds.

Yuuji smiles at himself “okay” he whispers. “By the way Gojo was the one who invited me” his tone raising a bit

“Oh” Megumi says, sounding irritated.

There’s a sound in the background of the megumi phone.

“My dads crashing at my place because he got drunk and forgot where he lived” he says with a light hearted chuckle “i’ll call you later”

“Yeah I'll be waiting,” Yuuji responds before Megumi hangs up.

Yuuji and megumi have been friends since they were six because Sukuna and megumi’s ex father, Gojo, were friends in high school. People to this day are still trying to figure out how a 16 year old was able to adopt a child but Gojo was born with a silver spoon in�� his mouth, so he found a way. Toji only showed up later but it wasn’t on purpose he got a job as Sukuna body guard ,which Shiu actually found for him, but at the age of 15 Toji got full custody of  Megumi

Megumi and Yuuji spent everyday together playing video games, going on walks or just riding their bikes. Well that was until Sukuna decided that he wanted Yuuji to follow in his footsteps as a famous boxer, so almost every day was filled with training. Until they both turned 16 and Megumi applied to be Yuuji’s assistant, which Sukuna fought against because Megumi had no “experience” in this business but after Yuuji pulled some strings Megumi got the job.

Speaking of Sukuna Yuuji hasn’t heard from Sukuna since before Yuuji fainted one week ago. No calls, no messages, no random visits from Sukuna telling Yuuji he’s a failure, nothing just silence. Not even a  message from Uraume, Sukuna’s assistant and closest friend. 

This should be good, Yuuji rarely gets a moment of silence from his uncle but he can’t help but feel on edge.

“Is he really that mad?” Yuuji sighs. Is kind of confusing, 1 million normally should be nothing to Sukuna. He contemplated texting him about leaving for Japan in two days but he decided he would be better off  not telling him, Sukuna would come sniffing around for him anyway and find out later. But he still feels guilty about not leaving at least a message.

Even though Sukuna was his uncle he felt like a brother and sometimes even a father to Yuuji, he gave him advice about life, he taught him how to box and even took 9 year old Yuuji when he was having problems at home, which was a year before he started training him, so it's  only normal for him to feel bad but apart of Yuuji always despised  Sukuna for how he treated people, specifically women and Choso, so rebelling against him once wouldn’t be that bad.

Yuuji spends an hour hyping himself up while staring in the mirror before he grabs his suitcase that Nobara bought him. Yuuji surprisingly enjoys packing and organising, actually Yuuji organises his fridge every week if he's not that busy, but he did something he would normally not do.

He paid some to pack stuff for him.

He doesn’t like doing it. He feels like Sukuna when he does that but today he felt too exhausted.

He throws himself on his couch and switches on the tv when he gets a call.

“Maybe it's Megumi,” he says. He looks at the screen.

Uncle Kuna

He doesn’t pick up.

[gayloringinplainsight]

Genuine question after seeing your response to that other anon: how would you react if she came out as bi?

Also I almost agree with the other anon. I think the aggressive hetlors are worse, but I think all the points they made seemed reasonable. Mostly because any time I try asking another gaylor a good faith question about ‘what if some signs actually meant something slightly different, like she hasn’t been bearding she’s just been bi and dating both men and women’ I get screamed at like you screamed at the other anon.

I feel like Taylor is in an impossible position, because the biphobia I have seen from some gaylors is absolutely unreal and every bit as bad as the homophobia I’ve seen from hetlors. If she comes out as gay, the hetlors are furious. If she comes out as bi, the biphobic gaylors will say it’s a baby step toward a Real coming out without invalidating her whole narrative (aka not believing her), AND the hetlors would be pissed.

I don’t think she would call herself a friend of Dorothea if she were straight, so I’ll leave that option out.

Again. Not all gaylors as biphobic. But holy shit, some of the things I have seen (and blocked) in this tag. Or been told.

I think we have to write the hetlors off as a lost cause, but I want her to feel like gaylors will at least stick with her and believe her if it turns out she was bi for some or all of this time. I feel like I never see that in the tag, though. I’ve seen people saying it would be appropriative because she had Me out on lesbian visibility day, but… I’m Taylor’s age, and all WLW were ‘lesbians’ in middle school bathrooms. And lesbian has historically included bi women under the label, even if that’s changed in recent years. (When I was in college running the campus GSA, lesbian still included bi women)

Basically, this is a lot of dithering to say that I’m worried about Taylor. I’m worried she thinks we’ll leave if she’s not a gold star lesbian. I’m worried she doesn’t know that not all gaylors are biphobic assholes because I just…never saw that vitriol getting shut down by other gaylors. My blocklist is huge because of it.

I don’t know if she’s bi. She might be a lesbian who dated men before realizing. She might be a lesbian who was in comphet but not bearding relationships as she tried to make herself straight. She might be a lesbian who was still groomed by older men who convinced her they could change that. She might be a gold star lesbian. I don’t know! I can see the signals meaning any of those options tbh. Because she has to talk in code, we can’t be 100% about anything. And I’m worried that she thinks she’ll lose EVERYONE if she comes out as the wrong thing. Does that make sense?

Basically, I want to know what other gaylors would do if her identity matched her YNTCD hair dye. I try to keep up to date on the tag, but you know how tumblr is. I might have missed posts reassuring her that we would stay regardless. That we would believe her. Because all I’ve seen were posts about how there was no need to worry, gaylors would understand if she called herself bi to cover up her narrative, and we would know that ACTUALLY she was a lesbian all along, etc. (this was admittedly a long time ago and I blocked whoever said that)

Anyway. If you think even suggesting she could be bi is an insult, just… Don’t even bother replying. Block me instead. Sigh.

If she's bi then she's bi and that would be awesome. I'm not sure why you think I'd have a problem with that. I'm very careful in all my posts to refer to her as queer because we don't know her label.

I interact with a LOT of gaylors because I'm very active in the gaylor subreddit, and I don't know anyone who would have a problem with her being bi or would abandon her for it. Sure, some suspect she's a lesbian based on recent flagging but everyone acknowledges that we don't know for sure.

I must not be hanging out in the same gaylor spaces as you because I really haven't seen much biphobia. But maybe we have different definitions of it. It's not clear what exactly you're referring to so I'll say a couple things on the subject.

First, it's not biphobic to suspect she might be a lesbian. There's been a ton of lesbian flagging on eras. There's also been bi flagging and pan flagging throughout the years. Simply having an opinion on her label isn't in and of itself biphobic.

It's also not biphobic to think that her public relationships with men may have been PR. Now if she were a normal non-famous person who dated both men and women and someone claimed that the relationships with men were fake, that would absolutely be biphobic. But she's not a normal person. She works in an industry that famously employs and requires PR relationships. Even straight people have PR relationships. There's a great resource on the subreddit that talks about how to recognize PR relationships and why celebrities use them. Personally I'm fairly certain that all the public guys have been PR. I've also seen some compelling evidence that she may have dated men privately, e.g. Martin Johnson. So just because someone thinks that the public ones are PR doesn't mean that they think there's no way she could be bi.

Lastly, I didn't address this in the other anons ask but since you brought it up, I think the idea that if Taylor were to come out that that would also mean she's co-signing every single little theory that gaylors have is ridiculous. And the idea that this is what's keeping her from coming out is also ridiculous. So is the idea that some rando on Tumblr who wants her to be a lesbian is keeping her from coming out as bi. She'll come out when she's ready and I think the overwhelming majority of gaylors will celebrate whatever label she claims.

[adultswim2021]

The Boondocks #31: “It’s a Black President, Huey Freeman” | May 2, 2010 - 11:30PM | S03E01

I just had this thought: Is this the first direct reference to Obama in an Adult Swim program? Actually, according to the Boondocks wiki, Obama was first mentioned in a season two episode. I don’t know what point I’m making, exactly. I am not demanding an allegorical episode of ATHF where Shake runs for president. Which, I heard was the plot of the first draft of Shake Like Me.

I recall watching this episode randomly on TV back in 2010, back when I was under the impression that I didn’t care for The Boondocks television show. I probably made that claim about other episodes. This one, too, though. I vaguely remember seeing this episode and it cementing a more positive outlook on this show in general. 

Presented mostly as a documentary being shot by Werner Herzog (his voice, anyway, I forget if he’s supposed to be playing himself or not) about the Freeman family’s reaction to Obama’s candidacy. Huey is reasonably wary of the hope being felt by his fellow black dudes. He’s described as a domestic terrorist (retired), and caused Obama to come under fire after it was discovered that they were myspace friends.

Most of the episode deals with different characters reacting in different ways to Obama’s victory, and slowly becoming disillusioned for one reason or another. Despite being vindicated on some level for his lack of excitement, Huey is a controversial figure throughout, making headlines just for answering “Eh.” when he’s asked if he’s excited for America’s supposed new direction. 

This one isn’t consistently funny, but has pockets of really great stuff. Like, I thought it took a little while to truly get going, with the documentary stuff almost giving you the impression that this is the repiloting of the series, or the first episode of a reboot. I guess it has been a while since season two. Like, a little over two years. Damn.

Well, that makes this one pretty friendly to a first-time viewer, giving each character a moment to shine and plainly display what their dang deals are. Huey’s politics might not come off as all that well-defined from just this episode alone, but people of the era could easily project someone like him onto his demeanor and fill in those blanks. I guess previous episodes do actually help out in that regard. Anyway, it’s a tough tightrope walk. At least you could say this episode doesn’t come off as particularly preachy. 

I’ve pointed out some tepid flaws, but I really admired this episode, and it does have some huge laughs. Thugnificent’s bits are particularly very funny. Towards the middle of the episode, he has a song with Will.I.Am called Dick Riding for Obama. It’s really fucking funny. The gag where his pants split after he gleefully shakes his ass when Obama wins is so goddamn good. Robert Freeman hanging a Mission Accomplished banner in his living room also got me. Damn, that little stretch going into the first commercial break is so good.

Lotta cultural references in this, including a cameo from Bill Mahar. The Boondocks is a pretty culturally relevant show, unlike most of the stuff on Adult Swim, whose cultural references usually wade in a particular pool of 80s movies and other dumb-guy schlock. I’ll say that a lot of the references in Boondocks go over my head, and I learn about them after the fact by looking at the excellent Boondocks wiki. This is because instead of being an Adult who pays attention to the news, I watch cartoons. Rather than copy and paste the references I didn't get into my write-up, I invite you to check them out for yourself by going to your local library.

MAIL BAG

I’m sorry to jump ahead, but are you keeping up with the apparent falling-out between Eric Andre and his writing partner Dan Curry over Johnny Knoxville? Curry alleges Knoxville tased him like a week into that ABC prank panel show that Knoxville and Andre were part of, causing Curry a broken bone, and Curry further claims Andre told him not to make a big deal about it. He also claims Andre canceled some of their book tour over this dispute.

Sorry to disappoint, but I knew nothing about this! I saw a commercial for that show during the Oscars or whatever and I remember tweeting out "Johnny Knoxville has a new show coming soon to ABC TV" to zero likes. I mean "posted on X". not "tweeted out". It's called X now

[funny-dxxd-boy]

My brains really active right now so i think i just wanna write out info for los animatronicos.

- story would mostly follow the animatronics and their end goal to enter the end of the year battle of the bands competition and hopefully win woohoo

- all of the animatronics are in their junior year of high school. (Literally the worst year of my life, everyone thought i was a freshman)

- the animatronics consist of Ann and Bonnie at first Ann plays drums and Bonnie.. you already know lol.

- They are in search of a singer. They can manage but niether of them are anything special when it comes to vocals, and they know it.

- Then comes in Golden who recently moved in with Freddy and his Mom, he gets asked by Ann to join. He enthusiastically joins cause plot.

- He uncurages Freddy to also join at least as a backup vocalist cause he knows he also sings. Fred wants to do it, but Freddy says no he "doesnt know how to sing anymore".

- Fred says "fuck you, you crybaby loser were doing it anyway" and takes over their body and flexes their vocal skills and joins the animatronics literally the next day lol.

- the animatronics officialy formed now they get to practicing.

Ann - Drums

Bonnie - Guitar

Freddy - Base + backup vocals

Golden - Vocals

- Their not super good but their also not super bad lol.

- Ann is good at drums cause she has played for the school orchestra since middle school.

- Bonnie is good on guitar but hes kinda stagnant in his learning, he also has only been playing for a year and is self taught.

- Freddy learnt base for fun to acompany his singing so its just a matter of picking it up again, even so hes trash at not getting nervous.

- Golden.. hes fine lol. He sings good.

- The toys consisting of preppy seniors and and a junior (Joy). They make fun of the animatronics, calling being assosiated with them in any way "social suicide".

- Ann thinking "what makes them so good? |:<" sneaks in to watch one of their practices and figure out "shit they actually are really good". Digging more into their background they find out theve won the past two end of the year competitions.

- Bonnie how ever recognizes Bon from some of Ann's orchestra concerts and gets the idea to blackmail him to become his guitar teacher to get better, after finding out he skips out on orchestra practice to play guitar with the toys.

- Bonnie being set to get better (:

- Ann is worried about Freddy not letting go of his nervousness, Golden reasuring her he'll help him get more out there and have him ready for the end of the year competition.

-time passes things happen

- Ann happy with the progress their making, notices they dont really know each other as people well, wants them to also become closer as friends not just as bandmates so she aranges more hang out.

- On another one of their little bonding hang outs. Bonnie and Freddy go out to the store to get snacks where they meet Springtrap.

- Springtrap being a naturaly chatty guy ask them about random things about their day and Bonnie tells him about their band. Springtrap thinks its cool and ask "whens your next gig?" Leaving both Bonnie and Freddy dumbfounded.

- Having never had a gig and much less a "next gig" Springtrap finds it funny but still tells them about a guy he knows thats always looking for indie bands to play at partys.

- Fred making Freddy take the offer on the spot gives Springtrap their number promising he'll give them a call if the guys interested.

- Telling the others Ann is exited. Golden also appears to be exited.

- Later Golden scolds Freddy for trusting someone random like that, Fred taking over reminding him "you told me to get more out there, this is me getting more out there" things a little tense between them after thanks to Fred.

- When they get their first gig, its at a house kinda like an undergriynd rave like place (idk how to describe like it its in my brain sorry)

- Its a nice first time live performance for them, Freddy lets go of his nerves . Ann gets to play loud and hard rather then what shes used to in school performances. Bonnie has gotten noticeably better at guitar. And Golden relizes he was wrong about questionig Freddy so soon.

- Staying a little for the party they come across the nightmares, who try to start something with Bonnie and as a result the rest of the animatronics.

- Helping introduce Fox, who shoos off the nightmares working as security for the party, later on escorting the animatronics out to make sure the nightmares dont come back to bother them.

Thats kinda it so far, just wanted to get how Freddy, Golden, Ann, Bonnie, and Fox meet writen down. And Springtrap was in there as treat lol.

I'll probanly write about individual relationships like how Ann and Bonnie know each other and how Freddy and Goldens half-brother family dynamic is set up. Along with more about the toys. Cause i really wanna develop them to be better people by the end of the story lol.

[estbela]

For the Send me a character and a number ask game: some questions for Bulgaria:

1, 5, 8, 9, 12 and 18 :)))

thank you so much for asking!!! :]

Something this character is truly proud of.

His days in his youth as an empire, getting his independence after being part pf the Ottoman Empire for so long and the accomplishments of his people!

5. A cherished personal belonging.

Bul is a very sentimental guy in my opinion, and has a rather hard time letting go of...anything, really, so I suppose he has a lot of those. His house is probably cluttered with a lot of these kinda things, keepsakes and such. He can't throw any of them out cause several of them mean a lot to him, and if they don't (at least, not anymore) they still have a good story to tell. To give an example, in the 19th century, he & Ro were dating and had been for some time, and were keen on getting married(aka uniting). Anyway, Bul gave Ro a ring as a way of asking for his hand basically(will talk about that one day, or perhaps write). Ro gave Bul a brooch, one in the shape of a rose. He has kept it all those years, even when Ro & him broke up and weren't on good terms, even if it hurt to look at. He wears it sometimes, rarely, cause usually he doesn't really have anywhere fancy enough to go wearing it.

8. What kind of car they would drive. 

I dunno much about cars, I'll be honest, but I'll try my best with this one. I'm guessing not a partciulary fancy or expensive car, enough to get him from point A to point B. Perhaps a regular family car, with 4 seats. I don't know *shrugs*

9. What calms them when they are upset.

When he's upset...it depends. Sometimes he drinks(or smokes), sometimes he goes to tend to his garden, he might try to hang out with his loved ones. Sometimes he reads. Sometimes, in the current era, he plays video games.

12. How they sleep.

Badly, probably. He has that thing, where, no matter how much or how he sleeps or whatever, he'll wake up exhausted, so he's almost always a bit tired. He doesn't move a lot when sleeping, and can probably fall asleep anywhere if he wants to. He does have a habit of not sleeping, or well, he used to in the past (nowadays he's, well, too tired already to actually try doing that), and instead would work or do anything other than sleeping.

18. Special talents they have

He's really good with plants, especially roses. I think he can probably play some instruments, although I'm not sure which. He's kinda good at writing(stuff like poems & short stories), maybe. I dunno if this counts as a talent, but I think he knows a lot about stuff like biology, chemistry and medicine, in general, knows lots about the natural sciences. Might not be a talent but I'm adding that anyway. (I can elaborate more about it if you want :] )

The ask game

[kooktrash]

i feel like last anon was being obtuse

at least for the USA there are two sets of 18/19yro

ones in highschool

ones in college/are living adult lives

reasons to believe that yandere highschool anon MAY BE a minor

anon is a 15-17 yro minor who wants to be aged up in fic to a 18yro/senior and wants Jungkook the same age

anon is a 15-17 yro minor and wants Jungkook to be older but not out of highschool hence the 18yro ages

anon is a 18 yro who wants Jungkook the same age and is still in highschool

Or on the off chance, this is an adult tryna re-live highschool through fic (which im putting my hands up and backing away cuz i dont know what to make of that)

the reason you have 18/19yro friends is because THEY ARE MOST LIKELY OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL AND ARE COLLEGE/FULLTIME WORK FORCE ADULTS

thats not hard to grasp... like come on

when i graduated HS in 2021, i was 19 (my bday is late - nov 2002). i felt like an adult when i entered college. i was not talking to other 18/19yros who were still in highschool cuz thats weird to me, even if we were the same age (excluding siblings/cousins). i dont know how other peoples highschools function but we rarely mingled with lower grades unless in extracurriculars but even then once you graduate you only really keep in contact with the friends you graduated with so...

but anyway, i was not reading online fics/published books set during highschool cuz that part of my life has passed.

and i even waited till i was in college to REALLY start reading smut fics. like i dabbled as a hardheaded minor but stopped cuz i realized that sex is not the end all be all of life. its only a minor aspect so i went back to being in a child's place (cartoons, barbies, and justice store). luckly i didn't need an adult to block and yell at me to leave them alone.

i say all this to say that highschool 18/19 is very much different than college/adult living 18/19, so people can very well tell highschool students to be off their page but still have 18/19 ADULT friends who go to COLLEGE or work a 9-5 and pay they bills.

but also highschool is boring and such a confining setting. you can't do much with it. even most books with highschoolers take majority of place outside school and dont even touch on highschool life.

the only one i can think of 13RW and we all know that could have taken place in college or military base/barracks or a futurist space academy on a actual space ship. hell that's probably why the book/show was so crazy cuz it had to be spiced up from regular ass highschool life.

im sorry this is long but yall not bout to make my good sis look bad/weird. like think critically for a second before asking.

ok no let’s talk about this 🤔

the anon felt the need to point out that I had a friend who is 18/19 like first of all who are you talking about bc if it’s who I THINK you’re talking about. she’s about to be 20 🤧 second, me choosing not to write characters 18/19 and below shouldn’t be a problem. I’m 21 YEARS OLD why would I want to write a character a couple years younger than me? even the idea of writing an 18 year old jk in high school with explico content is weird to me.

also, I graduated high school six months after my 17TH BIRTHDAY [oct. 29, 2001] and that was four years ago cause I graduated in 2019 , why would I want to write high school ANYTHING?

when I started college I was 17 and obviously had older friends too bc like you said that’s how adult life works. I have a coworker I’ve known since she was 17 and I didn’t even start hanging out with her till after she turned 18 bc what would I have in common with a high schooler?

anyways, the anons are running out of things to complain about so this time it was about me not wanting to write younger characters, just say you’re bitter or a minor and move on [and I’m not referring to the person who commented on my friend being 18/19 bc idk what their true intention was]

[jazzyjazzin]

okay, I finished daisy jones and the six

what the actual fuck. camila dies?? and her last wish is for daisy and billy to get together after? what in the everloving fuck possessed the writer to end it like that? she takes him back after all his public philandering AND THEN she gets sick? her? the one who hasn't been snorting coke and destroying her liver and kidneys every night like the rest of the band? SHE gets sick?!?

I would've sooner put my money on billy or daisy joining the 27 club before I considered that plot point, let me tell you that. jesus my blood pressure just rocketed sky high. they kept her a saint throughout the whole show and she went out like one as well, I guess.

at least they resolved all the rifts in the friendships with the women, that's one win I suppose. daisy was on thin fucking ice with her whole "are you in love with me?" schtick she pulled on simone (like back tf up woman that's my mother you're talking to. also, yay simone and bernie hea!! my mothers deserved nothing less). glad that she apologized after 'cause that's her most stable relationship, and I love that camila went with karen to the clinic, no questions asked.

that's all I can say right now about the show, my head hurts now after that ending. I'm fuming. they should've killed off billy instead but I guess nobody would've given enough of a fuck to do the documentary 20 years later.

p.s. I'm the only one that saved the vamp au playlist? hahaha at least you know who's listening to it! sometimes I find that I turn into something of a curmudgeon whenever a playlist of mine gets saved by a bunch of other people I don't know. it's like walking into your own living room and seeing a bunch of strangers hanging out lol, like who gave you the address? how'd you find this place? but I guess it's also nice to know that people are vibing to the same thing you're vibing with 😂. give it a while, I'm sure after you post the next chapter more people will be tuning in.

anyway, hope you're doing good! sorry this got a little long lol.

-🧛🏻‍♀️

excuse me for answering this a couple of days late vamp anon!

yes the kindest loveliest character dies at the end and i balled like a damn baby about it 😭 I think her encouraging them to get together in the end though was more about her care for the both of them, allowing them (especially billy) to find happiness after her in a way they would have never been able to.

and yes, daisy is the queen of self-sabotage though and she knew she was wrong and simone definitely deserved her happy ending 🥺 I love the female friendships in the show a lot actually, karen and camilla’s friendship especially. billy definitely never deserved her that’s for sure.

that’s so funny 😂😂😂 i’ve never thought about it like that. i have kind of given my key over though. 😂 and I’m definitely making the playlist and listening to the playlist even if we’re the only two that ever listen to it. every story needs its soundtrack while i’m writing it.

No worries either, i’m sorry for responding so late! hope your well ❤️

[nytehavyn-circle]

Explanation of the ShadowLands

Tolaas Explains The ShadowLands

((This is very important, so please pay attention and respect it: Where the ShadowLands are concerned - THESE ShadowLands - Tolaas Bluue is the only person in the world that can move freely into them and through them without trouble or magic, etc. Tolaas Bluue, the ShadowLands, and his story, have been in my head, and in various incarnations in story form, for - quite literally - YEARS. The ShadowLands are something I am fairly possessive and protective of, and it’s fairly annoying and aggravating when other people decide they can do what they wish with it. No. As selfish as it sounds, the ShadowLands are my baby, so please respect this.))

“The ShadowLands. I keep gettin’ asked ‘bout ‘em, an’ I never really give a adequate answer ta those who ask. Mainly 'cause I think most people would shit,” he chuckled. “Well, now yer gonna get a purdy decent explanation a’what the ShadowLands really are.

"First off, 'member that the ‘Lands don’t exist on this plane. They’re another dimension, prudy much. The ShadowLands exist in the shadows. That’s the best way I can explain it. But not everyone can get there. I can, 'cause I’m connected ta ‘em. Anybody with me at the time can get ta ‘em, too. That’s not important right now, though,” he waves a hand.

“Picture a country – United States, Canada, whatever. Now, ya know how they’re divided inta states, provinces er whatnot? Yeah. Same thing with the ShadowLands. Unlike a state er provincial official – governor er somethin'’, the ShadowLands have ShadowGuardians.

"Also, unlike a state official, a ShadowGuardian’s word is law fer his area. Am I makin’ any sense, so far?” he shakes his head. “Anyway … The ShadowLands do have villages, small towns, cities, stuff like that. However, sections a’the ShadowLands have a specific name – an’ I ain’t meanin’ somethin’ like 'Wyomin’’ er 'Ontario.’ I’m talkin’ names like ’The Valley a’ Shame.’ and ’Nightmare Swamps,’ shit like that, just so ya know. The ShadowLands ain’t exactly a friendly place, to be sure. Ain’t always dangerous, neither, well… in some places – if'n ya know what yer doin’ at least.

"I’m ‘bout the only one that ever really visits. I was raised there, after all. I’m connected ta the place, so I can come an’ go as I please. But, other people have shown up 'afore - usually by accident. Like, major accident, usually involvin’ a spell that went wrong. But showin’ up just ta hang out? Doesn’t happen. Even most gods avoid the place. It’s a purdy terrifyin’ place for most people, ta be sure. It’s always twilight there er darker. No such thing as sunshine in the ShadowLands … Place is purdy overcast, too. Also, the vegetation is poisonous ta most humans.

"Now, along with yer basic… uh… I’ll say 'people,’ the ShadowLands’re inhabited by what’re known as ‘ShadowDemons’. Come in all shapes ‘n’ sizes. Some right outta yer nightmares. Others, not so bad. Some’re good, some’re purdy damned evil, others'er considered neutral. ShadowLands’re purdy neutral, anyway. Fer the most part.

"Ya know all those reports a’people seein’ what they call 'ShadowPeople’ outta the corner a’their eye? Maybe hangin’ ‘round their bedroom at night? Yeah. They come from the ShadowLands. Most’re purdy neutral. Purdy harmless, fer the most part. Some’re actually protectors.

"Sometimes, ShadowDemons’re sent to watch over special people. Other times, they’re just sent to just … watch things. Quite often, though, ‘cause most ShadowDemons’re purdy wild, they just slip on through the Shadows. Create havoc, scare people. So, I go after ‘em. If I can’t get ‘em back to the ShadowLands without too much trouble, I just kill ‘em. 'Cept the babies… those I send back home. When they die, their bodies sizzle, like oil bubblin’, an’ disappear - no trace left, 'cept fer the damage they left behind in their wake. An’ regular weapons, no matter where they come from er who wields 'em, cannot kill a ShadowDemon, no matter how strong the weapon. Mine can - 'cause they’re imbued with ShadowEssence. It’s the life blood a'ShadowBein’s.

"Other times, I actually get commissioned to specifically go after them – either by the ShadowKing himself (we’ll get ta him in a minute), a ShadowGuardian, er someone else. Don’t matter.

"Now, onta the ShadowKing. He’s a god. He purdy much rules over the ShadowLands. I won’t say that him an’ I’re friends … but we have a purdy good relationship. I don’t disrespect ‘im when I go ta the ShadowLands, an’ he don’t bother me ‘less'n he needs ta. I don’t think ya wanna meet ‘im, though,” he smirks and chuckles.

“Anyway … that’s purdy much it. If'n ya got any questions, feel free ta ask.”

[spinelli-gemelli]

A Degrassi Essay About Rick Murray

(Part 2)

"We have to do something."

It's difficult to continue this story without discussing the one-and-only Emma Nelson's role in Rick's return. Most fans find her intervention in this plot line quite irritating, wondering what would motivate her to suddenly interact with the upperclassmen. If we refer back to episode 4x03, we would recall that her current classmates have unofficially stopped talking to her because of how she felt about her ex-boyfriend, Chris, showing interest in Liberty Van Zandt. Her lines in that episode have become infamous. "What are people gonna think of me if Chris goes out with Liberty next?" Manny Santos, Emma's BFF, who was first on board the "Emma and Chris reunite" train, was taken aback by Emma's...well, let's call it condescension. Anyway, word gets back to Liberty, and, to quote her words, Emma is "dead to [her]." Since Manny and JT are dating, and since Toby is friends with J.T. (though not for very long here: more on that later), that leaves Emma completely friendless in time for this season's festivities. I doubt that the boys of the friend group care about the ladies' petty squabbles about the Chris ordeal, but since J.T.'s girlfriend is friends with Liberty, and they all hang out, it would just be awkward for them to include Emma in any of their social engagements at this time.

Now that we've established her social status, let's get back to Emma's involvement in the return of Rick Murray. Miss Nelson quickly learns from Paige and Spinner about who he is and what he's done and ceases the perfect opportunity to flex her cause girl muscles. I'll give her credit where it's due: she's bold, driven, committed, and smart. She may have let the glow up get to her head, and so what if she thinks that she's better than Liberty. At least she didn't put a classmate in a coma! She actually is better than this guy. She takes it upon herself to do whatever it takes to get this abuser out of her school. Of course, it's wrong to hurt others, but if she were successful with this mission, she would win the approval of Paige and her clique. What could be cooler than that? Definitely not Liberty's hot tub!

Collaborating with Paige and Marco, Emma manages to organize a ribbon campaign at school that is against domestic violence on the surface, though truly, it is an anti-Rick campaign. Somehow harassing a student in school, regardless of what he did before, is not considered breaking the rules. "We wanna pressure Rick. Make his life hell," Emma would go on to explain to Sean Cameron after he asks about her true motives behind launching this crusade. Either Emma doesn't know what the word "pressure" means, or she didn't foresee how the students of Degrassi would interpret the word. The campaign combined with Paige's popularity status means that everyone knows Rick, hates him, and wants nothing to do with him. Now, because of Emma, Rick's identity is out, and the student body feels a sense of duty to make this guy suffer the consequences of his actions. It's not like the principal was going to do anything about it anyway (more on that later).

The fact that this happened is both good and bad. On one hand, Rick was reminded of the simple fact that his actions have consequences. Everywhere he went, he was greeted with hostility. Going back to my argument in part 1, here at Degrassi, he wouldn't be granted the luxury to slip back into his old, abusive behaviours. While I believe that Rick was sincerely repentant this time around, it wasn't enough for him to just want to "bury the hatchet" with Paige et al. He made a student suffer because of his unchecked rage and almost killed her. Wanting to change is a good starting point, but he had to prove to everyone that he was different from last year, and students had no reason to believe that he was. Degrassi's opposition to his presence was a reminder that what he did couldn't be swept under the rug and forgotten about. He didn't just hurt Terri; he wounded her community as well.

On the other hand, getting the entire student body involved was a bit extreme, as not everyone knew Terri or even cared about her. Students like Jay Hogart were simply tormenting Rick for their own amusement. Jay loved to wreak havoc, and Rick was an easy target. No one was going to go out of their way to defend the guy, so why not have some fun? Treating Rick poorly on school grounds is one thing, but to heckle him at the Dot? Sure, it's a popular hang out spot for Degrassians, but they don't own the establishment, and Rick should be free to dine wherever he wishes. It's not like he's causing any trouble by ordering a cup of coffee. After Rick got jumped by Jay behind the Dot, Emma realized that her crusade had gone too far, and stopped the students from attacking him before he became severely injured.

Emma's involvement in Rick's plot, though it initially seemed to come out of left field, was necessary in order for Rick to see the error of his ways and to know what it felt like to be physically assaulted. After considering the events that happened to Emma in "King of Pain", the episode that preceded "Mercy Street", it makes perfect sense that she would take up a new cause at Degrassi in an attempt to be accepted and appreciated by a new group of friends. When fans look back at Rick's story, they usually view these episodes in a vacuum, forgetting about the buildup that came before the episode of Rick's return, and as a result, they are confused and annoyed about Emma's seemingly sudden involvement.

While Emma might not have meant for her campaign to take such a violent turn, I think after episode 4x04, Rick understood that he had to work extra hard in order to earn the rapport and acceptance of his classmates. He is sadly mistaken, however, that they are interested in his change of heart to begin with. Ironically, at the end of this episode, both Rick and Emma are social outcasts: Rick for putting Terri in a coma, and Emma for publicly defending him. Both were seeking approval from their peers, and neither of them received it in the end. In a sense, they are both on the same side against the student body.

[girltomboy]

So the decision my bf ended up making was to give up on this semester, study for the next one and get a job in his hometown, save up money to pay his uni debts AND move to the big city next year to finish the rest of his exams. Which is a faulty plan, but at least he didn't fully drop out (a decision for which he gave credit to his friend, who told him not to drop out once, not me or his parents, who have been saying this since forever, but NEVERTHELESS-)

He came over on Thursday to leave some documents at uni, and we spent the weekend together. Our only friend here didn't want to hang out (in reality he was working and we were too lazy to go visit him at work on the other side of the city, but his hostile tone didn't give us many signs of our presence being actually wanted) 🥲 so we ended up going to the house of an old dorm neighbor of my boyfriend's, met his gf and spent an evening there while he ranted about religion. I'm gonna be honest, it was a bit of a shock to me to discover that such people really exist. I mean generally I'm good at wrapping my head around all the different kinds of people who exist in the world, right. I like to believe I'm pretty good at perceiving diverse ideas, personalities, tastes, experiences, etc. outside of my bubble. Right.

Now I don't know what it was, but hearing this guy talk about god and religion in a highly conservative way I haven't even heard my PARENTS talk really shook and scared me a bit. Like he was ranting about immigrants and gays worse than any elderly religious person I've met, and we're talking about a guy who's barely entered his early 20s. Talking about "we have to keep our country clean" when our country has historically never been "clean" in the way he means it, like ever. He proudly told us the story of how he moved out of the dorm because he got paired with a Baptist roommate (a BLACK man too!). Well, according to him it wasn't really the sole reason, but a pretty decisive factor, probably. Anyway, he had a male way of dominating conversations, so fortunately I didn't have to say much (neither did his girlfriend, but he made her wash the dishes, sooo 🤡). But he did put my boyfriend in the spotlight because he mentioned having visited some monasteries with his parents last week. And he casually said it felt pleasant to just be there with his parents, so his friend got activated and started telling him he should do it more often, pray, believe, start reading prayer booklets, etc. He went on all sorts of tangents about how god works in mysterious ways, and suffering is the blessed path. Later on two other dudes showed up (apparently my bf knew them from the dorm too) and they were pretty much as pious as their buddy. So when they arrived, the Christian guy started over and once again centered my boyfriend's beliefs in his rant, and even spoke with his MOM over the phone about how she should take him to church more often, MAKE him pray, MAKE him read prayers, etc. And my boyfriend did not seem to mind, maybe because he was the center of attention during the entire discussion, maybe because they made him explore a topic to which he hadn't given much thought before (although he does describe himself as an atheist, he admitted he felt some sort of inner peace during the monastery visits, which... I kind of understand, but to jump from that simple comment to - YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH NOW, THE LORD IS TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF YOU AND YOU HAVE TO RESPOND TO HIS CALL is a bit 🙄), but EYE was pissed off not just on my own cause my religious trauma was getting activated, but also on his behalf because it seemed to me like they had all cornered him and were pushing him into this whole thing without taking into account his opinion, his wishes, his beliefs AT ALL. And mind you, he was preaching all this stuff while rolling a joint, so if you ask ME, sincerity might not be his strongest suit.

After the religious conversation died down, he started telling an interminable story about some kind of journey he and his girlfriend had (ironically, his girlfriend is also an immigrant, but he probably doesn't consider her as such because of geopolitical reasons 🤡 that's just another slice of his fascism cake). His girlfriend uttered 3 sentences at most, while he bragged about how he organized so many people of so many backgrounds, races, and ethnicities that were traveling with them and became their leader basically. I understood nothing of his story (as much of a chatterbox he is, he sucks at it) but at least we got stoned and my bf suggested we go home after a while. And we had enough time to catch the night bus. On the way home I tried to rant about the religious fella, but we were both too cold and tired, and my boyfriend seemed set not necessarily on defending him, but on finding excuses for him. I guess I get it because they were dorm buddies, and my bf said he didn't use to be so god-crazy before, maybe I got triggered because of my religious past. His talking points were one of the main things that drove me away from organized religions in general. I feel like I shed all traces of respect and inclination towards organized religions, but I kept at least a little bit of spirituality that has nothing to do with them. However, this guy seemed like the polar opposite: all religion but no spirituality, no empathy whatsoever. I mean he wasn't terrible, he was a good host and seemed friendly, affectionate with his gf, generous, overall warm. Until he started talking, that is. 🤪

[writerfae]

Hi! I just remembered that you said Valentin was Talon's ex, and could I get more details on this?

Also, I wanted to ask what Aiden and Maya's friendsip is like because I know at least a little about Aiden's relationships with everyone else except her!

Hey there! It’s funny, I don’t even exactly remember how i came up with the thing with Talon and Valentin tbh, but I think it’s a neat little detail about Talon and the opportunity for jokes is too good to miss. And maybe I also wanted to state that Aiden is his type without saying it oops

Valentin is pretty much Talon’s ex-affair. They weren’t exactly dating, just flirting for fun and hooking up from time to time.

The two know each other from guard training (Val was in his third year when Talon was in his first). They are friends, if not really close ones (Talon insists they are mainly acquaintances) and they hang out with the same people.

Their whole *ahem* arrangement started on a night out with some other guards from their friend group when Talon was at the end of his second year in training.

Pretty much just your typical “hey we’re drunk and you’re attractive so let’s have some fun” kind of story.

And they came to the agreement to just keep having fun together, at least once in a while.

Valentin wasn’t looking for anything serious cause he’s in love with his childhood best friend, Talon didn’t want anything serious because he was afraid of attachment, so they were both fine with it

Now you might wonder why Talon did that. Truth is, he is just about as touch-starved as Aiden and Valentin was his type (brown-haired idiot) so that’s why. Also with Val in love with someone else there was a smaller risk of him wanting something serious with Talon.

They broke it off only a short time before the story starts, Talon actually encouraged Val to try and win over his crush. He was too busy for an affair anyway

.

Aiden and Maya are really cute together, they develop a very good friendship that I love to think about.

In the story Maya is a great support, she’s helping through small things. For example, she talks Talon into helping Aiden and helps him with his dream about the deer.

I think Aiden greatly appreciates her.

Right from the start Maya understands him in a way the other two don’t, since she too grew up in the human world and only later came to the other real.

She sympathizes with Aiden because of the strange situation he finds himself in. Plus, she likes him.

Aiden likes her right from the start too, because she’s nice and explains a lot about the realm to him. She grounds him a bit, you could say, cause she��s someone who knows how he feels.

The thing is that Maya actually grew up in Aiden’s neighborhood village and the two have actually met as children a couple times, though none of them remember it.

Aiden’s mother was one of Maya’s mom’s customers on the monthly market and Aiden sometimes accompanied her to her trips to the neighborhood village’s market.

So they have a mini past with each other, which is cute.

I can’t even quite explain why I do, but I feel like Aiden and Maya match the best personality-wise. I think they’ll become pretty close.

They seem like two people that can enjoy the other’s company without talking necessary, but who at the same time have great late night talks with each other.

I like to joke that Maya is at least a little in love with Aiden and I think she just might be, just more on the platonic level rather than a romantic one.

For Aiden she’s almost like a little sister, they have a very sibling like bond (though that’s mostly in my head, these relationships grow with time so idk how much of it is present in the story itself).

I hope that answered your questions ^^ I apologize for the late reply, this week is pretty rough. That only makes me more excited about getting asks from you though, cause those are always a nice surprise after a stressful day at work. So thanks for that! :)

[redactedlily]

*sigh*

today has been a bit of a bumpy one. not like super bumpy, but like sorta bumpy.

i had therapy today, and i really like my therapist, she's nice and all, but i'm not the biggest fan of the way our sessions go. i'm used to coming in and just kind of talking with my last therapist, but she starts us off with this "mindfulness meditation" video (not my thing) and she has me do these little assignments and tasks? which i can see working for someone else, but it kinda feels like a chore to me. plus, i was on a spiel about some issues and concerns im having about my new job and (now i dont think she realized) but she kinda cut me off and had me write out something about gender identity. i realize that sounds unrelated but lemme kinda detail it better

i was listing some issues i was having at work (for context its a daycare and my first job at one, im not good at it yet but im trying) and i was in a bit about how all my coworkers come from very different lives than i do, and sometimes it feels like a hurdle (im 19, alt, trans, etc. and most of my coworkers are middle-aged cis women like moms and also kinda intimidating and stand-offish)

i was saying that since they all seem to come from similar backgrounds and have more in common, while my life and experiences dont quite match if that makes sense. i feel like an outsider kind of. anyways, i was talking about how im worried how they perceive me as trans-ish. i usually describe myself as trans-ish because of the fact i chose to use genderqueer to identify, but i present more-so as trans mtf, if that makes sense.

she stopped me to have me take 10 minutes to write out a thing about my identity in detail so she could kind of get a better idea i think? it also could have been for my sake, but i know whats going on already, for several years actually, so i really dont need it written down for my sake?

anyways, i did that and then she asked me to keep a journal over the next week about how i feel around others thru this kinda trans-ish lens (when i go out and about to the store, a resturant, etc.). i understand where she is coming from but i dont think i need that. its not really something im that concerned about in my day to day, its mainly just applicable to my job right now

plus after that we ended the session only a half an hour in? like we started at 2, and we ended at 2:30. i thought i was getting a full hour? huh? plus i didn't get to talk about the other stuff i wanted to cover, like my social problems im having and like 3 other things i cant remember as i type this (but i knew it then i swear)

anyways that was a whole thing. i have another session next week same time. im gonna maybe see if i cant get the sessions to run the way i want? part of me wants to just cancel and find someone else cause im afraid to say anything negative, but part of me is like "well im paying you to listen to me, so A-lets do what i want, and B-ill be taking my full hour, or at least until 50-55 minutes"

i talked to my mom a bit about it before she left (she went to hang with her friend) and she said i should bring it up to her next time. this also brings me to my next bit, which is mainly centric on my behavior in general

im generally unhappy with my personality and behavior to be honest. it would take me like 12 pages to explain in paragraphs, so imma use a bulleted list, except with dashes, cause dashes are cooler

-i wish i was more timid and introverted rather that my more boisterous and ambiverted self

-i worry im not considerate of other peoples feelings as much as i should be

-i worry i go on the defensive too much

-i worry i take/ask for more than i give/offer

-i worry im not pulling my weight enough

-i dont feel i try hard enough to succeed in almost any aspect

-i think ive become less patient and quicker to anger in recent years

-i worry im not mature/ready/in a good enough state to work in child care

-i spend way too much time pointlessly scrolling on youtube or tiktok, but its hard to stop because i get bad fomo about current meme trends (cringe)

-i dont think i really see the big picture as often as i should

-i feel i have too many negative behaviors that need correcting and i just dont realize it

thats just a start i think. lately i just feel so swamped. ive been broke for way too long, and thats causing me issues like nobodys business. i really have been craving a fresh start for so so long and it feels like everytime i think its just within my grasp it gets yanked away. some new obstacle or setback comes up and suddenly its all over.

like the other day, my brakes failed and i got into an accident (no one was hurt, virtually no damage) because there was air in the brake line. now im gonna have to pay to get the lines drained and refilled, plus get the leak fixed that caused it, plus replace a fucked up tire that i just noticed, and fix the wheel bearing thats been fucking with my ABS for like 8 months. so i either need to save up money for that or let my grandparents pay for it (and then try and pay them back if they'll even let me)

really, honestly, i want to take my truck, pack it up with some essentials, and just, start driving. pick a direction and keep going. but i cant even do that cause my truck is out of commission until god knows when, and like a million other obstacles on top of that.

it really just feels like, once everything starts looking up, i get kicked in the balls