#but anyway no I'm pissed off like why did people put that thing in office

[nobodybetterlookatme]

American politics under the cut 😔

Tell me why I avoided every single thing about the damn inauguration just for someone to tell me rn that musk did the fucking nazi salute 😭 like are you fucking kidding me this country is a goddamn joke 😭😭

[vukovich]

Fisting prompt if you're interested! Two people down the hall from me hooked up on my very first night of university. He fisted her with a ring on and it cut inside her vagina and she bled everywhere and needed stitches. A bunch of girls (all strangers at this point) gathered to help her in the bathroom and it was very wholesome. Pretty sure they hooked up again after that too.

So the prompt is something along those lines with Draco fisting Harry while wearing a ring on their first night of 8th year/university/new job, etc., it doesn't go well, and Harry needs medical attention. He can have a vagina if you're feeling it, but no preference between that and ass. Merry fistmasssss

Put a Ring on in It

Draco never would have done it if Potter hadn't dared him.

"You gonna get cold feet now, Malfoy?"

They were both utterly pissed and high off triumph.

"Chicken," Potter said. He tossed his packer to bounce off Draco's chest and onto the floor.

It was warm.

Potter was warmer. And wet. Drenched. The only thing he said was "More", until Draco ran out of fingers, but Harry begged like a man starving.

They didn't quit until Draco's shoulder shook. He was pressure-red across the knuckles, like he'd punched a wall, then dunked his fist in Vaseline to put out the burn.

Potter excused himself to the restroom and didn't come back. Draco didn't take it personally. In fact, he hardly noticed.

--

Potter robbed him. It was the only plausible explanation.

In the morning, his ring and wallet were gone. He noticed the missing ring immediately upon waking. He missed it like a dead spouse, the absence in bed palpable.

Magic didn't find it, so it wasn't anywhere nearby.

When he wrested last night's clothes back on, his pockets were empty.

Potter. He scoffed at the indignity of it while doing up his cuffs. Of all damned people. Auror Potter.

A freshening spell would have to do this morning. He had a police report to file.

--

By the time he reached the desk, his ire had faded. Rather than demand to see Potter or loudly narrate the contents of his report, he cleared his throat and said:

"Yes, Auror Potter found my wallet and I'm supposed to pick it up from him."

The secretary glanced up at him sidelong. Then down. She lingered on his shoes.

"He's sick."

Draco considered finding Potter's office and breaking into it. The secretary wheeled her chair to a rotary phone on the other end of the desk. Her back was to Draco.

And then he was halfway down the hall.

Left: Aurors A-H Right: Aurors I-R Ahead: Aurors S-Z

"Helpful," he whispered to himself.

He kept his stride casual and did not think about what would happen to a former Death Eater, who was somewhere in the twilight between drunk and hungover, when he got caught ransacking a Senior Auror's office on a lark.

Potter, Harold James

"Pfft," Draco grabbed the doorknob and twisted, just to see how sturdy the lock was. "Harold James. Sounds like a porn-"

The door swung right open. Potter was sitting at his desk.

"-name..." Draco gulped. He considered bolting. Apparating. Throwing something and screaming. "Pocket sand."

"What?"

"I said, 'You're supposed to be sick'."

As soon as he said it, he felt it, himself. His hangover was approaching like a freight train of northbound nausea. He was adept at holding himself together, but the effort made him irate.

"Oh. I am. I'm on my way home." Potter shifted in his chair like he couldn't find a comfortable spot. "I was, ah," he held up a scrap of paper, "just going to Owl you. Actually."

"To apologize for robbing me in my sleep?" Draco hissed.

Why was he even here at this God-forsaken hour, anyway? Because Saint Potter was a klepto when he drank? He surely didn't need the money.

"Wait," Potter paused in pulling a clear plastic baggie from his robe pocket, "what? I didn't steal it."

He pulled it out even more slowly, and Draco realized he'd walked into a trap. Potter had engineered this. He was some kind of one night stand stalker. He wanted Draco to come hunt him down the morning after. And he knew exactly what to steal to spur Draco best.

"You arsehole." Draco's ire stuffed his guts back down.

He snatched the baggie and held it up. Inside was his ring, safe and sound. If a bit crusty.

Potter didn't say anything to defend himself. He silently watched Draco pour the ring out into his palm. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again.

He was probably disappointed Draco had figured him out. Maybe he'd expected Draco to be too cowardly to demand it back. That seemed more like Potter. He probably took a souvenir from all of his bedroom conquests. His wallet had better not be missing anything important.

"And my wallet?" Draco asked, like was collecting taxes.

Potter shot him a quizzical look.

Draco sniffed and said, "Or do you keep that for your sex trophy collection?"

"My what?"

"You know, your-"

And Potter leaned back in his chair, and the seat made a strange, clinical crinkling sound. And then the grind of ice cubes. And Potter's hissed breath.

And Draco finally looked down at his hands. There was a St Mungo's logo on the baggie. The dried gunk around the emerald was tinged with red-turning-brown.

Potter hadn't stolen out under the cover of darkness like a cat burglar, after all. He'd used Draco's bathroom and gone straight to the Mungo's A&E.

Potter said, "You probably left your wallet at the party. I think you left without your coat, too."

Draco gulped. His wallet was in his coat pocket in the cloak room.

The events of the night replayed in fast-forward. Many frames were missing.

"Didn't know you were left-handed," Potter said, as though watching the film in Draco's head.

"I'm... not...?" Draco said, dazed, as he desperately sought an exit.

He sent a man to the hospital and then hunted him down and accused him of theft. He'd gone to considerable lengths to do so, in fact. Illegal lengths.

The color drained from his face, and he wobbled a bit.

"I think I'm unwell," Draco warbled.

Potter handed him the folded scrap of paper and nodded towards the open door. In farewell, he said, "Interesting that wasn't even your better hand," but mostly to himself.

Draco didn't stop to consider it and shuffled in the general direction of the front desk. Presuming that the folded paper was a note to get him past the secretary, he unfolded it as he approached.

It was official stationary from the desk of Harold James Potter, Senior Auror.

Draco huffed at the self-important name choice.

There was no note. Not a single word. Just a doodle of a Niffler.

--

[fiveraccoonsinatrenchcoat]

Quiet My Fears (With The Touch Of Your Hand) Ch. 3

Steve Harrington x f!reader

Description: Dramatic reveals are revealed, dramatically (or, you and Steve tell the gang about Baby Harrington and it does not go well).

Warnings: language, food mentions, everyone is angry all of the time

Word Count: 7965

Previous Chapter! - Next Chapter!

My Masterlist! - Series Masterlist!

Notes: I'm so sorry this took as long as it did! I've been going through it lately but through the power of boygenius I was actually able to finish this bit the other day! Please enjoy and also no one is allowed to be mad at me lol

Steve Harrington was going to be a dad.

The funny thing that came along with that was that Steve was actually going to have to tell people.

He imagined that there were many couples who would be very excited about this prospect. There were lots of young men out there who had mothers begging them for grandchildren. His hadn’t quite gotten there yet.

You had told him that you wanted to put off telling people for as long as you could. He entirely understood why; times had changed quite a bit since his mother’s day, but still, being an unwed mother in Smalltown, USA was relatively frowned upon. Honestly, considering just how gossipy the population of Hawkins tended to be, Steve was surprised the front desk ladies at your doctor’s office hadn’t already spread the news like wildfire, HIPAA be damned; golden boy Steve Harrington and his childhood best friend, having a baby out of wedlock? That was some front page stuff, right there. 

Married or not, though, it was going to have to happen sooner rather than later. In a few weeks time, it was going to start getting very difficult to hide. You were going to begin showing any moment now, and as Spring started to settle in, it brought its warmer temperatures with it. You could only hide behind your winter coat and thick sweaters for so long. 

And not just your bump; your friends were beginning to pick up on the fact that there was something going on.

“Steve!” Robin barked before tossing a wadded up ball of old receipts at him. It hit him square between the eyebrows. “Stop moping and do your job, please?”

“I’m not moping,” Steve defended (he absolutely was), before turning back to the pile of returns he was supposed to be sorting through.

“Fuck off, yeah you are,” Eddie very helpfully added.

“See, this is why I don’t like it when you hang around here,” Steve said, pointing a pen toward Eddie. “You two always gang up on me!”

“Why do you think I’m here at all?” Eddie quipped back with a smirk. 

“Because you don’t have anywhere better to go?” Robin supplied.

“That, too.”

“Either way, I’m not moping,” Steve assured. “I’m fine.”

“That’s a fucking lie if I’ve ever heard one,” Eddie said over the click of the markdown gun, as he emptied its bright orange stickers down that back of his arm. Steve couldn’t help but notice that he had set the price to ‘WAS $4.20, NOW $0.69’.

“Stop that,” Robin huffed as she whipped the tool out of Eddie’s hands. “Steve, I can practically see the rain cloud floating over your head.”

“Oh, my god!” Steve didn’t really want to snap at his friends, but he did it anyway. “Nothing is wrong! I am fine, everything is fine!”

Eddie and Robin just stared at Steve like a pair of deer in headlights from across the counter. They both knew how easily frustrated Steve could become, and they’d be the first to admit that sometimes they can poke at him a bit too hard, but an outburst this quickly had been unexpected. Neither said anything, and Steve just sighed.

After a moment of awkward silence, Eddie spoke up once again. 

“Lady problems?”

“Get out!” both Steve and Robin exclaimed, in unison.

“I thought you guys liked me.” Eddie feigned offense.

“You do not work here!” Robin said as she grabbed onto his shoulders and shoved him toward the door. “And Keith’ll get pissed if he finds out you were here and didn’t spend any money, so go home.”

“Fine,” Eddie relented from the entryway. “Hey, I’ll see you guys on Saturday, right?”

“Of course!”

“Probably not.”

“You claim nothing is wrong,” Eddie said, pointing to Steve. “And yet, in the same breath, turn down free beer?”

“Leave!”

“I love you both!”

The bell above the door rang as Eddie walked out, and Steve was left in Robin’s concerned gaze. 

“Y’know, Eddie does kind of have a point,” Robin said after a moment. Nine times out of ten, Robin was able to coax Steve out of his quiet and get him to talk about whatever it was that was eating at him, a fact that Steve was highly aware of. 

“No, he doesn’t,” Steve barked back. If this conversation didn’t end in the next two minutes, he would jump off the roof. 

“You haven’t hung out with any of us in weeks!” Robin exclaimed “Weeks, Steve!”

“I’ve been busy,” Steve lied.

“Busy with what?” she inquired. “Do you have another job I don’t know about, or something?”

“I’m allowed to do things without you around. You know that, right?” It was meaner than he needed to be.

“Oh, god, this isn’t about your lover, is it?” Robin drawled with a scowl.

“You know her name, and you don’t have to say it like that,” Steve responded.

“You two got back together, didn’t you?”

She hadn’t quite gotten it head on, but it was probably as close as she was going to get.

“I knew it!” Robin looked like she was going to explode. “I fucking knew it!”

“Please don’t turn this into a thing,” Steve pleaded.

“Me turn it into a thing?!” She was mad now. “You two are the ones turning it into a thing! You cannot keep sneaking around like this, it cannot possibly be healthy!”

“We’re-” Steve huffed out a breath. This tightrope he was walking across seemed to be growing more and more thin. “Working on it.”

“Can you work on it a little bit faster, please?” Robin asked as she punched out. “You two are so fucking weird about each other. Split, or make it official, just do something, because I hate having to keep this secret for you, it’s exhausting!”

“We sort of already did. I think,” Steve confided. Partial truth is better than no truth, right?

“Split?”

“Make it official.”

“Oh, thank god,” Robin sighed, tossing herself across the counter, all dramatics. “I can finally quit having to cover for you.”

“Don’t say anything yet.” Steve was quick with his damage control. “We, uh, we wanna do it. Ourselves. Figure it’ll probably go over a little bit smoother that way, y’know?”

“Fine, but if you don’t tell everyone soon, I’m going to,” Robin said. “Don’t think I’m the only one who’s noticed something off with you lately.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“Everyone is worried about you, Steve,  it’s not just me,” she explained. “Dustin was about two seconds away from showing up at your house after you bailed on us last week.”

Steve didn’t know that. It sent a lightning bolt of regret through his chest.

“The faster you two can get your shit together, the better. I’ve been happily cleaning up this mess for you, but I’m starting to get fucking tired of it, Steve.” Robin looked at her watch. “I was off ten minutes ago.”

She was out the door before Steve could even think up an apology.

Steve and Robin didn’t get into fights often, but he absolutely hated it every time they did. Even silly little arguments left him wracked with guilt sometimes, but proper, go-for-the-throat type fights made feel sick. 

Pair that with the fact that he was making Dustin worry, and Steve felt about ready to hurl. 

God, this was difficult. Stupidly difficult. Maybe, if he asked nicely, you’d agree to just run away with him so he didn’t have to deal with any of it. 

If he could just pluck up the courage to tell his parents, that would at least be a start. They were the difficult ones, the conversation he was dreading more than any of them, and the wild anxiety ate away at him for the rest of his shift. By the time seven o’clock rolled around and he was finally able to go home, it was entirely all-encompassing.

Fuck it. It had to get done either way, right?

The drive from Family Video to his parents house, no longer than ten minutes, felt as though it stretched across half an eternity. The vicious anxiety ate away at his stomach as he drove, and with each turn, each mile crossed, it only increased. Maybe he should just turn around. Maybe he should go home to you, and his parents could just figure it out on their own. He was sure his dad would love that.

Steve pulled into the driveway and was very close to losing what little nerve he had. He turned off the ignition, this is a bad idea. He got out of the car, this is a bad idea. He walked up to the front door and let himself in, this is a bad idea.  

He could hear the commotion of his mother making dinner in the kitchen. Something was sizzling; popping and crackling with the smell of onions and garlic, of bell peppers and roasting meat. 

Steve had lots of reasons to be jealous of other peoples’ parents, but at least his knew how to cook.

“Steve!” his mother exclaimed once he walked into her view. One hand was occupied by a wooden spoon stirring a pan of vegetables, the other holding a frosty glass of white wine. “I didn’t know whether or not to expect you.”

“You barely even live here anymore,” his father chided from where he was sitting at the counter. His suit coat was off and he had a matching wine glass sitting on the table in front of him. Nine times out of ten, Steve’s parents were able to be amicable with one another. At this point, they acted more like roommates than husband and wife, but at least they were roommates that were able to stand being in the same room as one another. Usually. “Didn’t think I’d get to see you before I left.”

“Sit down! Have a drink,” his mother insisted. She pulled another wine glass out of the cabinet and the bottle out of the fridge. 

“Oh, no, I’m alright,” Steve said as he sat down. His mother poured him the glass anyway.

He was about to ruin a perfectly good dinner, Steve thought to himself. His mother probably poured over it all day. The roast that just got pulled out of the oven was probably expensive. 

“So, what’s been going on with Steve these days?” his father asked him. 

Now or never.

“I actually wanted to, uh,” Steve stuttered out. “I wanted to talk to you guys.”

“You didn’t crash your car, did you?” his father said, only half joking.

“No, the car’s fine.”

“Is this about that girl?” his mother asked as she turned the stove down to low, mischief painting her voice.

“Girl? What girl?” His father pointed his gaze over to Meredith. 

“He met a girl,” she responded. She seemed almost giddy with excitement.

“Finally,” his father said. He said it like it was a joke, though it didn’t feel all that well meaning to Steve. 

“Oh, tell me it’s Giada’s daughter from down the street,” his mother said. “Have you seen their kitchen? I’d never have to host another Thanksgiving ever again.”

“No, it’s not- no.” Steve wasn’t even sure he knew who Giada was, let alone her daughter. 

“Well, at least give us a name, Steve,” his mother said. “Is she cute?”

When Steve said your name, he felt almost like he was condemning you. Like just uttering it strapped you to him, so now you’d both be falling from grace. 

“The one who grew up across the street?” his father asked, as if you hadn’t known him your whole life.

“Oh, that’s just too sweet!,” his mother exclaimed. “It’s like a movie, ugh! I’ll have to give her mother a call, she’s going to be thrilled!”

Good luck with that, Steve thought to himself. She won’t even answer the calls from her own daughter.  

“Took you long enough,” his father said, leaning back in his barstool, lackadaisical. 

“What?” Steve responded. He was wildly unimpressed by his father’s haughty attitude.

“You two have been making googly eyes at each other since you were eight,” he explained. “Frankly, I didn’t think you had the balls to do anything about it.”

“Ron,” his mother chastised at the choice of words.

“What? Obviously, I was wrong.” Ron pointed his gaze back to his son. “Y’know, I think she could be a good influence on you. Steady job, good work ethic. She’s a bit of an oddball, though, but I guess with a father like her’s, could you really blame her?”

Leave it to Ronald Harrington to judge other peoples’ parenting skills while simultaneously insulting his son’s girlfriend. 

“Don’t be rude,” Meredith said. Her back was now turned to the two men, arms elbow deep in the sink. “Such a shame her parents moved away, though. I couldn’t imagine going that far without bringing your daughter with you. Is she still living on the south side?”

“Yep.”

“That’s not the safest area in town,” she commented. “Did you hear about that house fire down that way? The woman on the news said that it might have been arson. Arson!” 

“It’s alright,” he placated. “Not as bad as it used to be, at least.” 

“I still don’t know if I like the idea of a girl like her living all by herself in an area like that,” she said. 

“You’ll have to invite her over for dinner once I get back,” his father said, entirely oblivious to the topic of conversation between his wife and son.

There was a moment of silence between the three of them. His mom took a sip of her wine and stuck the meat with a cooking thermometer, his dad refilled his own glass, and Steve felt his stomach do a backflip. This was going poorly.

“If there’s something else you have to tell us, you might as well just rip the bandaid off quick.” His father hit the nail on the head, that was for sure. He paused for a moment before making the kind of poorly timed, borderline insulting joke only someone like his father could. 

“God, she’s not pregnant, is she?”

Steve went rigid, and he kept his gaze trained on the swirls in the marble countertop. He didn’t say anything, he couldn’t bring himself to, so he just left his parents to piece his silence together on their own.

“Steve,” his mother demanded. She had a carving fork gripped tight in her white knuckled fist, planted hard against the edge of the countertop. Steve was pretty sure she was about to stab him with it. He couldn’t look either of them in the eye.

“I’m sorry,” he managed to squeak out. He could feel tears beginning to well up in his eyes. 

“Goddamn it, Steven!” his father exclaimed, slamming his hand onto the counter. It made the glasses rattle. “This has to be some kind of joke!”

“I’m sorry!” Steve said, louder this time. “Fuck, I didn’t-”

“Didn’t what?” his father asked. “You didn’t mean to? You didn’t think it would actually happen?”

“I don’t know,” Steve responded. He suddenly felt very small, confronted by his father’s booming voice.

His mother stood silent in her spot on the opposite side of the kitchen island, but there were definitely tears running down her cheeks, and anger radiating off of her in horrible waves that Steve wasn’t used to. 

“No, you don’t, because you weren’t thinking at all, were you?” His father fumed. He was standing now, towering over Steve despite the fact that the two of them were almost the same in height. “For Christ’s sake, Steven!”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ll have to marry her-”

“We already talked about that. She said she wants to wait,” Steve explained quickly.

“No. No, this is not a question of want, Steven. I don’t care about what you want, you’ve forfeited that right! You both have!” his father spat back. 

“I’m not gonna force her to marry me against her will, dad, I’m not evil!” He shouldn’t have said it that way, he knew that. But god, he was mad, and a low blow like that was just as satisfying as he thought it would be. 

At least this hadn’t happened when he was 16. He would have been well and truly fucked if this had happened when he was 16. 

“You know what? Maybe this is just the thing you need,” his father snapped.

“What?” Steve asked, confused.

“A big mistake for you to finally learn a thing or two.”

Steve wasn’t particularly fond of his father’s use of the word ‘mistake’.

“I leave for Santa Monica tomorrow morning. I’ll be back in a week,” his father stated. “I want you out of my house before then.”

“Ronald,” Meredith broke her silence, exclaiming from behind the tears. Steve knew she wouldn’t explode the way his father was doing, but she really looked like she wanted to.

“No! We have been defending him and making excuses for years, Meredith. Years! If he wants to go play house with his little girlfriend, that’s fine by me, but he’s not gonna do it under my roof.” He doubled down and turned his gaze back to where Steve was sitting. “I think it's a damn good time for him to learn that his actions come with consequences.”

The older man turned away at that and pulled his keys off of the hook on the wall.

“Where are you going?” Meredith called after him. He didn’t bother with an answer, only walked out and slammed the door behind him. 

Steve was left alone with his mother, which was simultaneously much better and far worse. 

“We were already planning for me to move in with her,” Steve said. If his father had stuck around for a minute longer, he would have been able to explain that to him, too. “She needed a roommate anyway.”

His mother scoffed and shook her head.

“Look, I know that-”

“You make it incredibly difficult for me to be on your side sometimes, Steven,” his mother interrupted.

“I know,” Steve agreed. He did know. 

“I wish I could say that I thought your father was being irrational, but I don’t know if I can,” she sighed. “For once, I think he and I might be on the same page.”

“You are?” Steve asked. His father’s vitriolic anger hadn’t come as a surprise, he’d been expecting it, but he thought his mother would be at least a little bit understanding. She always had been before. Steve guessed that this was different, though. 

“You’re not going to be able to live in that apartment forever, Steven,” she said.

“I know that.”

“And you’ll definitely need a better job. I highly doubt your father’s previous offer still stands, by the way.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” she asked him. Her voice had a bite to it that he had never been on the receiving end of before. “You’ve been saying ‘I know’ for years now, Steve. You know you need to grow up, you know you’ll have to move out someday, you know you have to do something with your life, yet you have never made any actual effort to do anything about it!”

“Mom, that’s not true-”

“If you want to start making big, adult choices like this, you’re going to have to start acting like one. Clearly, you’re not a child anymore.” 

His mother untied her apron and tossed it onto the counter before leaving the kitchen, heels clicking on the tile.

Steve’s whole family had been waiting for that thing; that final, fatal event that would break the Hawkins Harringtons for good. Aunts, uncles, cousins, all piecing together whatever bits of gossip they could, knew that the string that tied Steve to his parents was being pulled thinner and thinner and thinner. His mother could only do so much mending for him, and everyone had spent the last few years waiting with bated breath for that string to snap, for Steve to lose his footing. Once it did, he would plummet.

Steve was now standing alone in his childhood home, scissors in hand. 

Steve didn’t know what to do, so he stood up and turned off the stove. He pulled out a tupperware container and boxed up the vegetables. He wrapped the meat in foil and left it out on the counter, because it needed to cool before it could be put away, or else it would screw with the temperature inside the refrigerator. He found a stopper and closed the bottle of wine, placing it in the fridge before gathering the three glasses. His was still full, and he wanted to chug it, but thought better of it and poured it down the drain. He cleaned all of the dishes, dried them, and put them away. He turned off the oven, and wiped down all of the countertops, and neatly hung the towel to dry. He turned off the lights, making sure to leave the one above the stove on as a nightlight. 

Truly, there wasn’t much left of his personal belongings that he really cared about that he hadn’t already taken to your apartment. Most of what he needed was already there. He could grab the rest of it when his mother wasn’t home; the rest of his clothes, important documents, that kind of thing. What all do you even need to bring with you when you're being forced out of your childhood home, anyway? 

Later. This was something he could deal with later.

So he left. Unsurprisingly, his father’s car was nowhere to be seen. He wanted to keep talking to his mom, to explain himself, to apologize, to say anything, but he knew it would just make it worse than it already was, so he just got into his car and pulled away instead.

He did need a better job. He’d been needing a better job for a while now, actually, but he definitely needed a better job now. And his mother was right, there was no way he would be able to work for his dad after that. 

He wished he was able to explain to his parents that hey, funny story, due to atrocities he won’t be explaining right now, the government actually gave him a frankly absurd amount of money a few years ago, and he’d be alright for a while. It wouldn’t last forever, but it was enough to keep the pair of you afloat, especially with yours, too. You had used a bit of it on rent right after your parents had left, but Steve’s money sat mostly untouched in a bank account his family didn’t know he had. 

See, the thing about government hush money is that you can’t just go out and spend it on something wild, because then people are going to ask where it came from. Believe him, if he had been able to go out and buy some fancy sports car or a bunch of designer clothes, he would have. His father would have told him to buy a nice watch and invest the rest of it (Steve wasn’t entirely sure what that actually meant, or how to even go about doing it). He was just grateful to have it right now.

He could put a down payment on a house for you and him. That seemed like something a responsible adult would do with it, right?

Steve pulled up to your building and was shocked with how well he’d held it together up until this point, because he felt like he was going to explode. When he got to your floor and walked into your apartment, you were sitting on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table, textbooks and paper spread before you. The sound of him walking in pulled you away from your schoolwork and when you turned to look at Steve, you were clearly upset.

“You told me you were off more than an hour ago!” you said as you wiggled out from behind the table and stood up. “I was starting to get really worried, Steve, where were you?”

“I, uhm,” Steve started. He felt his voice crack, the sting of tears beginning to well in his eyes. He had to keep his shit together, for your sake.

“Did something happen?” you asked him. You brought your hands up to the sides of his face, and there went any chance of him keeping it together. 

“I told my parents,” he confessed. He was not going to cry in front of you. He wasn’t.

“What?” you questioned. You sounded a little bit hurt that he did it without asking you, but mostly just horribly concerned. “I thought we agreed to wait.”

“We did, but it was eating away at me, and I just couldn’t sit on it anymore, and-” The floodgates broke and Steve’s words were cut off by a strained sob. 

“Oh, Stevie.” You pulled him into a hug and Steve wanted nothing more than for these stupid tears to just dry up, but it felt like weeks and weeks of pent up worry and fear were being pulled to the surface, and he didn’t have it in him to try and stop any of it. He was supposed to be the strong one for you, but Jesus Christ, that was difficult. “It was bad?”

“Well, they kicked me out,” Steve said.

“What?”

“Which, I mean, my dad’s right. I barely even live there anymore, so I guess it doesn’t really even matter,” he rambled out, wiping his nose on his sleeve like a child.

“Yes, it does,” you assured him.

“And I’m pretty sure that this is my mother's worst nightmare, so I don’t know why I didn’t expect her to be pissed.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. You pulled Steve towards the couch and carefully lowered onto the cushions, your grasp on his wrists bringing him down to your side. 

“And Robin and I got into a fight, too.”

“You didn’t tell her, did you?” you questioned.

“No, but I think if I don’t do it soon, she might disown me,” he admits. 

“She’s not going to disown you,” you protested. “She’d never do that.”

“My parents just did,” Steve lamented. “My mother just did. Who’s to say Robin isn’t next, huh?”

Steve would never, ever be able to make his father proud, because his father would never, ever let him even get close. He had known that for a long time, and maybe there was a part of him that was relieved by that. He knew that it was an entirely unattainable goal, so he never really bothered to reach for it. His mother, oh so cruelly, always made sure Steve knew that he could do great things. Why did she have to go and do that? Steve knew his mother held him to a high bar, he just hadn’t ever considered the possibility that he wouldn’t be able to jump high enough.

So maybe that’s why it hurt so badly when you curled into him that night when he finally crawled into bed. Maybe that’s why he called into work the next day, even though he knew it would probably make Robin totally freak out. Maybe that’s why he waited until he saw his mother’s car leave the driveway before going into his - what used to be his- house to box up the last of his things.

Maybe that’s why he missed the Hawkins Police Department truck parked outside of your apartment building when he was bringing groceries inside a handful of days later. 

“I’m back!” he called into your apartment after releasing the wildly heavy grocery bags onto the kitchen counter. Making more than one trip is for suckers. “They didn’t have any pineapple juice, so I just got a pineapple, figured it can’t be too hard to just-”

Steve cut himself off when he looked up from the paper bags to see more than just you sitting in the living room; Joyce was sitting on your left with an arm wrapped protectively over your shoulders, Robin on your right with her legs pulled up underneath her and a tissue box in her lap, and Hopper was propped up on the arm of the couch. You were in the middle of the array, in tears. 

“Hello,” Steve nervously greeted, eyes wide as frisbees and blood running cold.

There was absolutely no universe in which this went well.

Robin’s expression, which had clearly been soft and sympathetic before Steve had interrupted them, quickly changed into anger. She shot up from the couch, earning her a disapproving tut from Joyce and making you wince away from her. It took her three wide stomps to cross the small space and grab onto Steve’s wrist with more strength than he knew she had in her.

“Ow, Robin!” Steve complained as she dragged him out into the hallway. She slammed the door hard behind her and it made Steve jump.

“What the fuck, Steve!” she demanded.

“Robin-”

“I mean, seriously, what the fuck!” Steve could already hear the noise complaints from the neighbors as she chastised him. “You lied to me!”

“I-” didn’t, is what he wanted to say, but he knew better than that. “I’m sorry.”

“How long have you two been back together then?” she questioned. Steve really didn’t want to admit it. “How long?”

“Six months,” he replied, sheepishly.

“Six months?!” Robin shrieked in disbelief. “Jesus Christ, you really did lie to me!”

“Robin,” Steve said, hushed and ashamed and really fucking mad at himself.

“For half a year! You lied to me for half a year!”

“I’m sorry!”

“She had to turn down her job offer from the school,” Robin barked. 

“I know that.”

“The job that she’s been talking about for, oh I don’t know, six months? Probably more than that, actually!”

“I know, Robin, alright?” Steve assured her and crossed his arms across his chest. “You think I don’t? I am highly aware of that!”

“And, I’m sorry, but you’re far from the King of Responsibility!” Robin said. 

“What does that mean?!” Steve questioned, a tint of frustration layered over his words. 

“I’m just saying, you aren’t exactly known for your maturity,” she spat.

“You think we wouldn’t be able to take care of-”

“She can. I know she can.  She’s more than capable of doing whatever the hell she puts her mind to, but you?” Anger and resentment dripped from her mouth with each word. “You, I’m honestly not sure. If you were more willing to lie to my face for six months than you were to just tell me the fucking truth, I’m sorry, but that’s really winning you any responsible adult points, is it?”

Tears pricked behind Steve’s eyes. He wanted to yell, to scream at the top of his lungs that, no, Robin, you’re wrong, I can do this!, but he really wasn’t sure if it was true. If his closest friend, one of the people he trusted most in the whole world, really thought that he wouldn’t be able to do this, then maybe she’s right, right?

The apartment door next to Steve slowly creeped open.

“Everything alright out here?” Hopper asked, carefully planting himself just slightly between Steve and Robin. 

Robin lost her vitriol like a tea kettle after the burner got turned off, leaving her with no more steam to fuel what she needed to say. 

“I’m waiting out in the car,” she muttered as she whizzed past Steve and turned down the stairwell. The two men in the hall listened to her descending footsteps. Once they heard the front door open and slam back shut, Jim broke through the quiet.

“Robin wanted me to check up on you after you called out,” Jim explained. “She was worried you were mad at her, after your fight.”

“Right,” Steve said.

“So, imagine my surprise when your mom answers the door, only to tell me that you don’t live there anymore,” the older man said. “She wouldn’t tell me why, just gave me an address and shut the door.”

“Look, if you’re here to give me another angry dad talk, then you don’t have to bother. Mine did a pretty damn good job all on his own,” Steve asserted. 

“I’m not here to be angry.” Steve could tell that Hopper was choosing his words very, very carefully.

“Oh, that’s unlike you,” Steve commented, arms still crossed and eyes on the floor.

“Don’t be shitty!” Jim snapped. Steve withered.

“Sorry,” he muttered, still not able to look the man in the eyes. Jim just sighed.

“Do you have a plan, Steve?” he asked. 

“Yes. No,” Steve replied. “I don’t know. She seems to have one.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“I’m just not sure if I fit in it,” Steve confessed.

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Jim huffed. “Maybe you do need another angry dad talk!”

“What do you want me to say?” Steve interrogated. “That everything is under control and totally normal? I have no idea what’s going to happen! None! And, honestly? I’m fucking terrified, Hopper!” 

“Steve-”

“I have to be good at this. I have to! Because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’m not, but I am so terrified that I won’t be able to, and I’m going to let her down, and I can’t do that!” It all came out as some sort of paranoia fueled stream of consciousness. “I’d rather die than be anything like my dad, but what if it’s just in my blood? Like, I’m just predestined to turn out just as shitty as him!”

“You definitely won’t,” Jim said, as if it were just a simple fact. “I can assure you, there are very few people on this earth as shitty as your father, and you are not one of them.”

Jim wasn’t overly fond of Ronald Harrington; he was an all-around asshole to most people he met.

“Look, as much as I hate to admit it, you two aren’t kids anymore,” Hop said. “You’re grownups, you two are smart. You can make your own choices. If this is the choice you two wanna make, then make it.”

“You’re making it sound so simple,” Steve snarked.  

“It kind of is,” the chief replied. 

“Really? Because this feels like the least simple thing that’s ever happened to me,” Steve said. “You’re really not mad?”

“Well, I’m not thrilled,” Hopper grumbled. “But, like I said. You two are grownups. You can do whatever the hell you want.”

The pair stood in silence for a moment. Steve knew that Hop was more than likely lying about how mad he was, though he had been preparing himself for Jim to completely lose it on him. He probably would have deserved it. 

“Does it ever get less terrifying?” Steve asked, genuinely wanting to know.

“Nope.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“And it’s not just the fun parts,” Jim added.

“I know,” Steve responded.

“It’s more than just tiny socks and decorating the nursery.”

“I know that.” 

“Just makin’ sure.” Jim was far from happy, but he gave Steve a nod and a pat on the back, which was as close to congratulations as he was going to get. “I know the kids give you a hard time, but you’re smart, and so is she. You two know what you’re doing.”

“Thank you.”

“She’s really, really scared, Steve,” Hopper said. There was something in his voice; a silent question of  ‘do you really know what it is you’re getting yourself into?’

“I know,” Steve replied.

“You don’t get to panic now, alright?” Jim told him. “And you don’t get to change your mind.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Steve said; ‘I do know, and I want all of it.’ “I would never do that to her. Never.”

The pair went back inside, and you seemed to be in slightly better spirits now, even if you still had a sea of tears in your eyes. Both you and Joyce turned to face the two men with questions in your eyes, and Jim’s small nod seemed to be enough of an answer for Joyce to shoot off of the couch to envelop Steve in a tight hug. 

“I have lots of baby things I can bring by for you two,” she gushed after pulling away.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said to her, but she was having none of it.

“Don’t worry about it,” Joyce assured. “It’s all just collecting dust anyway.”

Which left Dustin, who in a lot of ways, Steve was the most worried about. He could take the anger from the grownups. Hell, he could take it from Robin, but Dustin, he was less sure about. 

In true Henderson fashion, he found out about Baby Harrington a few days later, entirely by mistake.

“I still don’t understand why they kicked you out in the first place,” Dustin stated from his spot on the living room floor of your (Steve’s!) apartment. He was digging through a pile of old clothes Steve decided he no longer needed. He had a lot of things, he’d realized while moving in, and he really only wanted a few of them, needed even less. He would donate whatever went unclaimed, but Dustin wanted first dibs for himself. 

“Because they’re assholes,” Steve responded. 

“Okay, yeah, fair, but hasn’t Robin been begging you to get a place with her for, like, a year?” 

“It’s not like I was able to really take my time apartment hunting.”

“I still feel like crashing on Robin’s couch for a while would’ve made more sense than moving in here,” Dustin supplied. Steve rolled his eyes.

“I needed an apartment, she needed a roommate, that’s it. Alright?” Steve loved Dustin like a little brother, but good lord, he could be obnoxious sometimes. “Now pick out what you want so I can clean this shit up.”

Dustin finished his haul, though he grumbled about how Steve was rushing him the whole time, and gathered the previously neatly folded clothes into a messy pile.

“I didn’t think of how I was gonna get any of this stuff out to the car.” Dustin, at not- quite- eighteen years old, had finally gotten his drivers license. ‘Thank god,’ Steve had remarked, ‘that I don’t have to be your fucking chauffeur anymore.’ That sentiment only lasted a little while, though, as it quickly became clear that a drivers license meant that Dustin could come and bother Steve whenever he wanted to. And he wanted to all the time. “Will you help me carry it all out?”

“No, I won’t, because there are more trash bags in the cabinet under the sink.” Steve pointed towards the small kitchen. Dustin got up off the floor, going into the kitchen and checking in seemingly every cupboard you had.

“I said under the sink, dude!” Steve heard the squeaky cabinet hinges open and shut, the rustle of the plastic trash bag.

“Steve?” Dustin called after a moment. The apartment was small, and the only real thing separating the kitchen and living room was a few feet of counter and the floor switching from tile to carpet.

“What?” Steve responded, not bothering to look up from the clothes he was shoveling back into their own trash bag. 

“What’s this?” Dustin asked him. When Steve finally looked up at him, he was pointing towards something on the fridge, and it took Steve a second to realize that what Dustin was referring to was the ultrasound pictures that he’d forgotten to take down.

Well, shit.

Steve rocketed towards the fridge to put them away, but Dustin was faster and grabbed them before he could. The damage was already done.

“Dustin, please give me that,” Steve asked. 

“This has her last name on it,” the younger boy observed. 

“Put it down, alright? You weren’t supposed to see it in the first place, so just-”

“Is she fucking pregnant?” Dustin demanded. 

“Dustin, please.” 

“I didn’t think she was dating anyone, though?” the boy thought out loud. “Oh, my god, I wonder if it’s someone we know!”

Oh, it definitely is.

“Dude, c’mon, please just give me the picture.” Remember what Steve said about Dustin being obnoxious?

“Wait, why are you moving in with her if she’s pregnant?” Dustin inquired. “I’m pretty sure that extra bedroom is gonna be pretty occupied in nine months.”

“It’s closer to six, actually,” Steve clarified, and Dustin’s eyes widened. “But that isn’t the point, can you please just-”

“Steve?” the boy asked, tone shifting away from curiosity into something Steve found much more concerning.

“Yeah?” Steve sighed.

“Why did you move in with her?” he asked again, although the way he spoke the words made Steve think Dustin probably already had it figured out. 

“Why do you think?” was all Steve could come up with to say.

“Oh, my god.”

“Dustin-”

“Oh, my god!”

“You cannot tell anyone, okay? This is totally top secret,” Steve begged.

“Did you-? You two-!” Dustin stuttered out. “Oh, my god!”

Dustin was about to start hyperventilating and Steve was doing his best to keep that from happening, pulling the glossy image out of Dustin’s hand as if it were made of precious porcelain, when the sound of keys jingling in the door distracted them. Both boys fell into bitter silence as you opened the door and took in the sight in front of you; a very frazzled Steve and a very distressed Dustin.

“Hi?” you greeted. “What’s going-”

“You’re fucking pregant?” Dustin exclaimed.

“What?” you spat out in response. Steve could tell that your mind was working a mile a minute to come up with a way to cover for yourself. “I-I don’t, uhm-”

“I left the sonogram on the fridge by mistake,” Steve confessed. He felt awful. “I’m sorry, it didn’t even cross my mind.”

“Oh,” you replied. You hadn’t moved from your spot in the entryway, hadn’t put down your bag or taken off your coat. You just stayed frozen.

“Oh, I have so many feelings!” Dustin wheezed, leaning forward. “Oh, my god!”

“Yeah, you’ve mentioned him.”

“You’re having a fucking baby?” Dustin asked you.

“Yes,” you timidly responded, slowly placing your work bag onto the side of the couch.

“With Steve?!”

“Yes,” you said again.

“That Steve?” Dustin pointed a thumb over his shoulder to where Steve was hovering behind him. “Steve Harrington? Our Steve?”

You nodded. “That Steve.”

“Holy shit,” the boy breathed out.

“Please don’t be mad,” Steve requested.

“What? Mad, why would I be mad?” he asked. “Who’s mad?”

“Well, so far, everyone,” Steve explained.

“Wait, is this why Robin’s not talking to you?” Dustin asked.

“Robin’s not talking to you?” you piped up, concern dripping from your words. 

Steve hadn’t mentioned that part to you yet. 

Robin had been giving Steve total radio silence ever since she had found out. Even at work, she was refusing to say a single word to him. She went and hid in the bathroom anytime Steve tried to say anything at all, and she had even recruited Keith to be her disinterested, detached middle man and relay VHS-related messages if she really needed to. 

To say the least, she really hadn’t taken it all that well.

“Later?” he said to you, silently begging you to table this conversation for a time when you didn’t have a very upset teenager in your kitchen.

Sticky silence fell over the three of you, sealing to Steve’s skin and filling his lungs up in a way he hated. Dustin was the one who peeled through it first. 

“Are you actually having a baby?” The question was directed to Steve this time. Dustin was wildly expressive, he always had been, and he looked very, very overwhelmed. Steve felt about the same. He just nodded, and it took a second for Dustin to properly process the news.

“Gimme the picture again!” Dustin insisted. 

“No, dude! We only have a few and-”

“Excuse me, it’s my nephew, I think I get to see the picture if I want to!”

The tension dissolved as soon as the words came out of Dustin’s mouth. Steve had been so, so worried that he’d be mad, madder than Robin was. 

“Hah! See, Dustin thinks it’s a boy, too!” Steve exclaimed to you. Reservation made way for excitement. Like Dustin said, it’s his nephew.

“Oh, god, please don’t start with this again,” you said, smiling despite the faux exasperation in your voice.

“You think it’s a girl?” Dustin asked.

“I think,” you say as you shuck off your coat and lean against the counter, across from the boys, “that Steve is going to get his hopes up about it being a boy, and then be disappointed if it isn’t.”

“Not possible,” Steve clarified with a smile. “Besides, you don’t have to worry about it because I’m right, and it’s gonna be a boy.”

Dustin didn’t end up leaving until a good few hours later, when Steve noticed how your eyes kept fluttering shut as you leaned against his shoulder. He had to manhandle the boy out the door; he had a seemingly unending vault of questions (“you guys have been sleeping together this whole time?!”), but you were totally wiped. 

You really just wanted to just go to bed, but Steve insisted you ate something first, and a mug of soup later, you were practically dead on your feet. He cleaned up any dinner mess (canned soup doesn’t really result in any mess, but he’d be damned if you had to put your own dishes into the dishwasher), and sent you off to get ready for an early turn in. 

He’d just put the pot away when you summoned him into the bathroom.

“You alright?” Steve asked, leaning against the doorframe. You were standing in front of the sink in your pajamas. He could smell your mouthwash.

“Come look.”

Steve took a step into the bathroom to sidle up next to you as you pulled the bottom edge of your too-big t-shirt up. Your fingers ever so gently ghosted over your stomach.

“That wasn’t there before,” you asked, tilting your head back against the crook of Steve’s arm to look up at him. “Was it?”

Steve was entranced by your reflection in the mirror, by the way the swell of your tummy absolutely gave you away. 

“I don’t know.” Steve spoke just barely above a whisper, the way he would have if he was standing in a church. You felt like an angel beneath his arm. “I don’t think so.”

“I feel like I would have noticed it if it was,” you said, eyes glued to the mirror just as Steve’s were. 

“Definitely would’ve noticed,” Steve quietly gushed. “You officially have a baby bump.”

Realistically, you still had a couple more weeks before anyone else would actually be able to see it. Still small enough to hide behind your clothes, but absolutely, undoubtedly there. 

You hummed, and Steve noticed the way you were trying to hide your smile.

“You’re allowed to be happy about it, you know,” Steve reminded you. Your eyes caught his again, and your small, shy smile grew just a little bit bigger as you pulled his hand away from your hip and placed it firmly against the slope of your tummy. He felt his breath hitch, like the action of touching you was breaking some sort of cardinal law, but he stroked his thumb up and down, up and down across your skin, and you flattened yourself as deeply into his chest as you possibly could. He pressed a kiss to your temple, lingering in the scent of you for as long as he could allow himself to.

His hand stayed glued to you for the remainder of the evening.

Tiny Little Taglist: @sheisjoeschateau @hazydespair @damon-loves-pie @pariahsparadise @anislabonis-love @e509 @alexa4040 @starsforviolet @hoesbloated @luvlexi-darling

[lorbanery]

Been thinking a lot about FMA 03 lately and I realized something I'd never thought about before.

It's established canon that Mustang uses Ed like his own personal Plausible Deniability Torpedo. Ed normally gets a lot of leeway in where he goes, when he goes there, and why, and he's very vocal about hating it and hating Roy whenever he actually gives Ed assignments. So when Roy notices something fishy somewhere under his jurisdiction, he gives Ed the most boring assignment that requires him to go check the thing out specifically as a State Alchemist and a ranking officer in the military, pulls a "Oh well I guess if you don't want the responsibilities of a State Alchemist then you don't want the privileges either so I'll just take that pocketwatch~" so that Ed is already pissed off when he shows up to wherever and is all primed and ready to fuck some corrupt asshole's shit up. All without it having to be on record that Mustang sent him there specifically for that purpose, or Ed getting knowingly tangled up in Mustang's decade-long coup plot.

He did it in Youswell, he did it in Lior, he did it on the train Ed and Al took to get to Central to take the licensing exam.

But all of those cases had a followup where the audience saw Mustang admit that's what he was doing and/or Ed realized it and accused him.

Which brings me to Shou Tucker.

Mustang was the one who sent Ed and Al to Tucker to help them prepare for the licensing exam. I think I'd always interpreted this as Mustang realizing that the higher ups were starting to get suspicious of him, and that Ed already had a lot against him without being seen as a protege of Mustang's. Another chance for Ed to prove he was capable of without Mustang manipulating him into motivation. Maybe even a genuine attempt to place Ed and Al somewhere that they'd get the information and support they needed; since not only was Tucker's specialty tangentially related to Ed and Al's research, he also had a kid so presumably could look after them better than the guy who splits his free time between plotting an assassination and being haunted by the faces of all the people he murdered in Ishbal.

Anyway, the question I'm pondering is: Did Roy Mustang suspect that there was something suspicious going on with Tucker and his chimeras?

We know that one of the reasons Ed put it together was the coincidence of Tucker's wife leaving the picture around the same time that Tucker created the first talking chimera that allowed him to pass the exam, plus the fact he hadn't been able to produce another one since.

It certainly not out of the realm of possibility that Mustang also noticed those two points of information, got suspicious, and decided to send Ed in thinking he'd be able to sniff it out?

I'm more and more convinced that that was the case.

I do also think that Mustang was banking on his deep, personal understanding of how the mind of the nerdiest of alchemists work (because he is also one) to be the impetus for either Ed and Al to go looking for Tucker's original secret notes on making the first chimera; or Tucker to actually share them with Ed and Al, seeking the validation of a fellow alchemist interested in anatomical-related alchemy.

I don't believe that Mustang ever suspected that Nina was in any danger, or that he might be sending these children he'd thrown his support and protection behind into a situation where they might have to witness the horrific thing they did. Assuming he didn't know that Gran was threatening to take Tucker's funding away, Mustang had no reason to not assume his history of being unable to produce another talking chimera wouldn't just continue. If he did know about the threat and thought it was a possibility that Tucker might attempt to create another one, I think the natural assumption would be that Tucker wouldn't even think about using his four year old child; that even to someone who'd (allegedly) used his own wife as materials, that would be a bridge too far. He might have thought that Ed might end up as a target, but been confident that he and Al could fend Tucker off. More likely, though, I think Mustang probably suspected that Tucker would find some random stranger to use.

But then the followup to that is, if Mustang did send Ed to Tucker expecting him to expose Tucker's crimes, only for the most unthinkably horrific thing to happen, did that change Mustang's tactics from then on? Was Youswell the next target because it was just a Sheriff of Nottingham over-taxation issue rather than a "his favorite movie is Human Centipede and I think that's a red flag" issue?

Did it take him a while to get comfortable pointing Ed at sketchy people allegedly doing weird shit with human beings again? Did he ever get comfortable with it? Did he just come to the conclusion that he didn't have any other as effective method of dealing with those people? Did he just learn to accept that if Ed heard the same rumors he'd go on his own anyway, so Mustang wasn't even actually protecting him from anything?

I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about Mustang's particular brand of protectiveness towards Ed and Al. How he was definitely already going to murder the Fuhrer before he ever even met them, but once Bradley starts targeting them, he's extra super special definitely going to move up his timeline on that. Because it's important to Mustang that plots be plotted and moves be moved as discreetly as possible. But it's also important that this man not be the cause of another child's death that Roy could've prevented. That he already has images of Ed at his most traumatized burned into his brain and he won't let Ed be added to the already too long list of children whose deaths were his fault.

( ... I may or may not be writing an "Ed makes it home before the events of CoS" purely for the sake of rectifying the tragedy that is that me, personally, never getting to see Ed realize just how much Mustang was actually doing to protect him and Al.)

[9leaguesofmirrors]

The "Un-Normal" (a Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe fanfic)

I've been too scared to post this for ages, please be nice to me! I'm just a sucker for hurt/comfort between pairings that aren't good at showing their feelings

Moodboard by me

All couples have their idea of "normal", something that happens which doesn't catch them off-guard or freak them out because it's commonplace - or, at least, quite regular

Ross Gaines and Joseph Lisgoe have two "normals" that others may find incredibly "un-normal":

They never say "I love you"

Lisgoe will come home from work with blood spatters on his clothes from time-to-time

One night, Lisgoe was on his way home after quite an unusual day at work. The one time, he muttered in his head, the one fucking time I leave my desk, this shite happens. The next thought he had as he pulled into the parking space outside his house was Ross doesn't have to know. The thought came naturally to him: grass grows, the sky is blue, Ross doesn't have to know about this

The first thing Ross noticed was the ruined jacket. Then it was the limp, as if Lisgoe was dragging his whole right side behind him. He also hadn't said a word, just a nod of acknowledgement as he made his way to their living room without meeting his eye

There were only two possible conclusions:

Lisgoe thinks Ross is stupid

Lisgoe knows Ross noticed, but doesn't want to bring it up because he's stubborn and thinks he can handle it

One of those options felt more likely

Knowing that the last thing he needed was a seige of questions, Ross started to look for a First Aid kit (having fearsome debt collector Joseph Lisgoe as your partner - they hated the term 'boyfriend' - meant you always had to be prepared) and brought it with him as he sat beside him

Lisgoe noticed and made his appreciation very clear:

"Put that shite away, doctor's office is closed."

"I wouldn't need to bring it out if you were more careful."

"I don't tell you how to interally investigate, don't tell me how to collect people's debts."

"You don't, you're the man behind the desk."

The conversation seemed to take a turn. Lisgoe still didn't look at him, leaning back with a pained expression

"Went out this time," he explained with a casual tone, trying to brush it under the rug "those incompetant bastards were having trouble with someone and needed me to sort him out."

Biting back a comment about Lisgoe finally parting with his precious desk, Ross let the silence encourage more of the story

"I knock on his door and he swings it open, nearly takes my fucking eye out. He's this big slab of meat that looks like he's swapped his brains for muscle. Anyway, I tell him to pay up, he tells me to put a sock in it, I get pissed off and he starts mocking me."

"Good move." Ross snarked

"Exactly. Well, I tell him to get fucked and he launches at me like some steroid-pumped toddler. Next thing I know, we're on the ground trying to bash each others heads into the pavement." Lisgoe finally looked at Ross, and he was met with black and purple "He gave me this after I knocked some of his teeth out."

In the following silence, Ross reached out to touch Lisgoe's blackened eye, but his hand trailed down to his jawline. It was strange, being this gentle. These vulnerable moments were rare for both of them, neither of them liked showing any form of it in front of others. People look for that sort of thing to break you. Hell, they did it all the time!

Never to each other though, the snide remarks and back-and-forths have never been done to exploit areas of weakness. It was a game, not a competition; there were unspoken boundaries between them: don't tell Ross to "piss off", don't bring up the fact that Lisgoe struggles with reading. Silent agreements. Their feelings shown wordlessly

"Show me what he did." Ross' voice was measured, but there was underlying tension that Lisgoe caught onto instantly

"Why are you getting pissed at me?"

"I'm not angry at you. Just show me what he did."

"I said I'm fine."

"You can hardly move without wincing and you're walking with a limp that's spread to your whole right side. I'm not letting you suffer because you're too stubborn to let me help you. Now, I don't usually want to help people, but unfortunately I lo-"

That wasn't normal

Lisgoe looked at him. Ross' eyes dart away for a second, then came back. He breathed in, out, and carried on

"So you'll have to deal with it." Ross said, as if nothing was different. Covering his embarrassment with a stony expression "That's a shame for you, I guess."

Another pause. Then, with a huff of resignation, Lisgoe took off his jacket and pulled his shirt off

Ross' first thought was this is your idea of fine? Then it was time for action. As he dressed the wounds, he couldn't help but ask:

"Did you-"

"In my jacket pocket."

"Again?"

"I keep all the teeth I knock out, you know this. I went easy on that bastard though, only got 9 of his."

As he continued cleaning and bandaging, Ross carefully moved his fingers along the damage done to Lisgoe's collarbone and hips in an attempt to distract himself from the strange churning in his stomach that seemed anxious to rise to his throat. Dried blood and bruises seemed to pop up everywhere; they dotted themselves around his torso and stained the black-and-white tattoos on his upper body an awful colour. Ross always thought tattoos were vulgar, but when you're being held down against the floor by a man with beautifully inked arms and cracked glass on his chest as his hand wraps teasingly around your throat, suddenly tattoos don't seem so bad

He realised he'd never told Lisgoe what he thought about his tattoos, but the fact he started to spend more time in a vest implied he knew. Likewise, he'd never told him that he liked his angular features, but the fact Lisgoe didn't push him away when he'd move his hands along them implied he knew that too

That, Ross concluded, was why they didn't feel much need to say how they felt. The other just knew. Ross was smart and Lisgoe could read people like a map, they just caught onto things

"You're doing it again, touching me like you've never seen a human torso before!"

He looked up to see Lisgoe looking at him, eyebrow slightly raised and the corner of his lips quirked upwards just a little

"I've never met someone so careless, Joseph. This is quite the sight."

"How about I stick that medi-kit up your ass?" Came the smug retort "That'll be a sight."

Ross got up with an amused expression, taking his kit, when Lisgoe grabbed his wrist

"Me too."

"What?"

"You almost said something earlier," Lisgoe said slowly, not knowing how to word his thoughts without cringing at himself "and I'm saying that I... fuck's sake, you're smart! You know what I'm saying! Me too: I feel that. About you."

He got up, not without some difficulty, and they stood facing each other. Neither knew what to do, this wasn't normal. Facing feelings head-on wasn't what they did. Mutual bullying, touch, that was their love language

After a few seconds, Lisgoe was holding Ross' chin and tilting his face to the side. His lips met the corner of his mouth and mumbled something Ross couldn't quite catch but, before he could ask for a repeat, Lisgoe was making his way upstairs

And just like that, they were back to normal. They didn't mention the events of that night ever again - Lisgoe letting Ross tend to his wounds, Ross almost breaking the first rule of their normalcy, whatever Lisgoe said against Ross' lips - everything went on as if nothing happened. If you asked either of them, they'd tell you they never even thought about it

Lying was normal for them

[h0wi1e]

Apologies for this long ass rant but I need to say this.

Am I the only one that's surprised by the amount of hate Allison and Teddy get as characters? I didn't mind their side plot of trying to find Wallace, although Guy Lapointe just made it longer than it should've been by talking but what a lot of people hate them for us the ending which I want to talk about.

Allison and Teddy weren't the ones that put Wallace in the zoo and I'll fucking die on that hill. Just because they're the two characters we see visiting Wallace doesn't mean they were the ones that put them there. For starters, they are civilians and aren't related to Wallace or are his guardians so they have little to no say on what happens to Wallace. And as his Ex girlfriend and best friend I just don't see them being the ones to make that decision, they'd try and push to get Wallace the surgery and rehabilitation he needs. A perfect example I will use is the fanfic 'The Water is Wide" on Ao3 where we get a chapter in the POV of Allison after they find Wallace, the police and ambulances come but later she sees a zoo ambulance drive up because Wallace is manic and needs to be restrained. Seeing the van Allison is Pissed and starts arguing with a police officer. That would've been her exact reaction to Wallace being put in a shitty little zoo exhibit, however in that fic Wallace is taken out of the suit and placed in a mental hospital but my reason still stands.

Both of them would definitely have a lot of guilt that Wallace was put in an enclosure, if Teddy had picked up his call they could've rescued him sooner. But despite all the guilt they have they don't run away, they still come to visit Wallace anyway, it is obvious that being there hurts mostly of Allison (since we see them leaving pretty early) but they still confronted Wallace and told him that they did still love him despite his appearance since Teddy says this.

"You don't have to hide from us, Wallace."

I could just never understand why people were very quick to blame Ally and Teddy, I see a lot of people saying that they just dump him there and ride off into the sunset but what else were they supposed to do? They couldn't do anything about the situation and that's what hurts, they can only sit there and watch Wallace rot away in that shithole. Personally for me I believe it was the authorities, we aren't given a real reason as to why he's in a zoo enclosure other than being because he looks like a mockery of an animal but the decision to put Wallace in such a place like that just feels like it was made by the higher ups.

So yes I'm defending Allison and Teddy, I'm not saying they're entirely innocent though, they're good people that have just done bad things (cheating together) but I just don't see them being the kind of friends to ditch Wallace and run, the fact that they stick around and visit is enough to show that they care.

Idk thank you.

[semi-imaginary-place]

guess I'm on weekly release now. ep 40 that must have been the most confusing battle for megumi. getting his ass kicking planning to get hit just so he can get another hit in and then his opponent stabs himself through the head. i was not expecting this much characterization from jogo. like usually you can tell which characters are going to be important based on how "cool" the mangaka makes their visual design and jogo looks like a normal flunky but he has a fully fleshed out character. sukuna and jogo are having a naruto style heart to heart wtf.

ah i wanna watching gojo go feral again what ep was that... ep 33 huh was it that far back? guess this whole arc is more about the fallout of gojo being sealed. damn yeah who animated that cut with the arm. the animation for this series really is top notch all around but especially the fights, i think jjk has cemented it's place as best animated fights i in any anime i have ever seen. satoru-chan is so manically happy to be fighting. wow this episode feels so much longer than it actually is.

41: well at least sukuna is having fun. and he took an interest in megumi, this can't end well for megumi.

I wonder why the author made jujutsu high be 4 years. for even 1st years its essentially on job training with them already being put to work. I do wonder how much schooling they're actually getting. and then narratively at this point there aren't even 3rd years and when i checked the wiki 4th year characters dont exist. and then with nanami leaving, originally i thought he then went to college but he's a lot younger than i initially though and most office jobs want more than highschool. so does jjk give you a university degree at the end? i know japan has 4 year universities but do they do 2 year associate degrees? just an all round weird decision.

i started out curious why people were mad about the sukuna fight and now im reading the manga i guess

yuuji: I don't need purpose i'm going to be a cog in the machine

huh itadori is actually choso's brother. huh. but the whole thing with the cursed womb fetuses was that they were never born. i dont know what is going on here. and why didn't choso recognize the stitches earlier. if brain dude is swapping bodies then the genetic material like gametes should be changing or is the implication that yuuji is also made from cursed energy/weird human experimentation. ... panda's right yuji really is attracting older brothers.

*squints* is that kazakstan????? when did kazakstan become a world superpower???? idk if its the translation but im having trouble understanding. kenjaku changed people into being more suitable vessals and to give non sorcerers cursed techniques? because that's not what the text says. then was does the remote activation do? and why did he need mahito's technique? it wasn't garunteed he'd be able to absorb mahito. i cant make sense of this.

poor megumi just got dragged headfirst into clan politics.

does the culling game apply to all cursed technique users or just ones brain dude implanted?

145: instrumentality??????? instrumentality. -_-

maki's new design is goated, love the sleeves. i like her more i hope she pisses off more men. i also finally noticed that meimei isn't wearing a dress, it's a tricked out onsie. i love that design

152. suguru was too pure hearted. see you can totally get away with mass murder you just need to play the politics game.

alright my curiosity is sated. not like i was watching jjk for the plot anyways.

powered by children lol. madoka level harvest negative emotion energy as a renewable fuel source.

i think i get why people were saying the zenin clan is kinda incest-y

huh is gege trying to say gojo taught sukuna about love.

so sukuna just ate his own mumified corpse's head, im getting that right?

Saw someone compare gojo to achilles (so geto would be patroclus?) And im mad i didnt think of that first

[jvstheworld]

Due South Re-watch: episode 1

Part 2

•We meet Elaine and she immediately has a thing for our boy scout Mountie. Apparently any women who meets Fraser has a thing for him. Oh Benny, you poor, sweet, snowy child, this will happen a lot.

•Our bad guy of the week is Caroline Morgan, played by Christina Cox, who was in an episode of House M.D with John Cho and in iZombie who played Ravi's previous boss who fired him from the CDC before he became a medical examiner. That was kind of fun to realise.

•Fraser is good with everyone, including kids. He recognises hard work and rewards it. It's a good way to get Willie to trust him, and to me this feels like something his grandparents did for him when he was that age.

•I put in my notes that 'Dief is an adorable, fluffy boy', which is true, but I don't remember why I wrote it. I think he just appeared on screen and I felt the need to write it.

•Fraser's brown uniform does not get enough love, I like it and I missed it in later seasons when they ended up using the red one more.

•The bank manager messed up! In his previous statement he said the robbers were all male, but when questioned again said that one was female. Dude, you are a dumbass.

•Chase scenes in this show are pretty good, this one is fairly ridiculous with the horse and carriage, but it's believable because of how naturally over the top Fraser is. The choice in music also sells it too.

•And we continue the running joke of Fraser remembering advice his father gave him.

•Best friends finish each other's sentences.

•Isn't everything Fraser does for the Chicago PD technically unofficial but they let him do it anyway because it means more crimes are solved? When these cases go to trial, if a plea of not guilty is entered, does Fraser have to give testimony to it? Is his involvement explained to the DA's office and they're okay with it? Like what actually happens? Because he will be in the police report, he has to be for the case to make sense when it goes to trial.

•The fight scene with the robbers is well done and uses the surroundings pretty well too. That's something that can be said for a lot of these scenes in the show.

•Again, we know Fraser is good with guns, he just isn't allowed to legally carry one. Ray might have been trying to hype him up to scare Caroline but in fact everything he said was true. That being said, you shouldn't piss off a person holding a gun to your best friend's head.

•She shot him in the hat. He just laid there, amongst the boxes like he had actually been shot.

•Fraser was oblivious to Ray begging for his life. Generally, if your friend is doing that, you should believe them and take it seriously, especially if you can see that there is a real threat.

•Okay, so you know when people were doing that thing where they were describing the sluttiest thing a man can do... Fraser in his brown uniform, jacket off, suspenders and sleeves rolled up. I dare you to tell me I'm wrong. Him running away from Elaine is adorable, like a deer (or moose) in headlights.

•Willie is a good kid, he came back so Ray could keep his job and Fraser wants the best for him so provides him with a job and pays him, which acts as incentive to get him to stay in school, and gives him a safe place to go if he needs it.

Final thoughts: It's a fun opening episode to the full series. You get the see the new sets, the Mountie uniform is correct, meet recurring characters and any cast changes isn't off putting. Ray and Fraser's friendship is in full effect now though we don't know how much time has passed since the pilot. The crime itself is pretty simple and well thought out which helps ease us into the show and allows character introductions and development to stand out more.

[lunalovegood00]

Pt 5

Ep51: this CP can fuck off tbh. He thought highly of himself like he didn't even realise how obnoxious he was. He shld try to win her heart, not being sulky coz she didn't fall over her feet liking him immediately. When Jialuo said Lihua was just like Banruo and Yuwen Hu, I'm hoping she would be in a good way. I guess that CP wld be useless just like Yuwen Yu. Poor Lihua. OMG A'YONG WAS 36 Y.O AT THIS TIME. I was wondering about that and I'm glad he mentioned it coz it rlly look like he passed the age of 30 y.o. He made the country/empire prosperous. It was mentioned before that he ruled for 20 years APPLAUSE FOR HIM! take that Yuwen Jue and Yuwen Hu!! Emperor Yong really aware of CP behaviour. He shld help Lihua, protect her from his son future problems. He really put Yang Jian in a tight spot, didn't he learn the lesson from YWY and Yuwen Jue time?? Useless emperors was such a hassle!! Omg that place! Oh this was a bit different. It was the title. Hmm... Sksksks I like when A'Yong called Jialuo out for her naivety regarding her husband's ambitions. So sad, he was a brilliant emperor except the CP choice.

Ep52: hmph!! First day he acted like that!!! He shld just accept what Yang Jian suggested, he shld hv know and learned already the rules!! The conversation btwn Yang Jian and Jialuo, I don't know what to say. I understand their both perspectives... But Jialuo shld know her husband was ambitious! She was right to worry and afraid about sacrificing innocent lives but this was about Yang Jian, he always tried to minimise the loss of lives when he went to wars. Umm their grown up first son?!! The first reveal. Well... Anyway. GO LIHUA! GO LIHUA! Idk why Mantuo... She just had to be cruel and mean spirited person huh. Didn't confront the problem head on and asked exactly what happened to Jialuo. Always wanted to blame others. Hateful. I'm sure Officer Wang knew by now how nice Jialuo was compared to her master. Omg mantuo was abusive to her son too?! He was just a kid. Serve mantuo right!! So snobbish and that lady called her out for it. She shld not be mad coz that was the truth. Wtf was Jialuo and Lihua doing while those ladies had to deal with mantuo and the childish emperor. IF JIALUO MAD AT YANG JIAN FOR WHAT HE DID TO THE EMPEROR THEN SHE WAS INCONSIDERATE!! wtf how did Lihua managed the harem that it became such a mess?!!! Not another Yuwen Jue reincarnated omg... I'm speechless. Did Yang Jian know that mantuo was promoted?! Well it was good that Jialuo was understanding of the situation. Omg this scum son of a bitch emperor was planning to kill Yang Jian with the soldiers waiting in the hall???? He tried to set YJ up. HE NEEDS TO SUFFER!!!

Ep53: this was worse than Yuwen Jue times!! STUPID JIALUO THOUGHT! I THOUGHT YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE. HOW COULD YOU STAND FOR SUCH ABHORRENT BEHAVIOR?! WTF WAS THIS MESS. No wonder that prophecy said there'll be a massacre. Thank goodness Qiuci did a right thing. Now... What about officer Wang??? Will she stay with mantuo still?? But wait, ofc that was not the child of the old Duke. Dammn ofc mantuo wld go that low. I just... She can't be kept alive. That's all I'm going to say. A bit annoying to keep this from Jialuo coz of course she will be soft hearted and be upset. Omg she didn't disappoint me at all. Jialuo holier than thou attitude pissed me off. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT INNOCENT LIVES HERE!! You think soft spoken words wld work against someone like mantuo huh?!!! I really don't get her at all. He had to face all of that ghastly things and he needs to decide for the goodness of ppl. I just... WTF WAS WRONG WITH HER? Wait.. Ignore my rant here I was mad when Jialuo said to Yang Jian that he changed. I shld hv continue to watch for few secs later czo she said she understood that one needed to change with this rotten circumstances. Sorry. This sick in the head emperor was really stupid huh, he liked Lihua but mad that she didn't like him back so what did he do??? Trying to get her attention by doing those horrible things. OK another thing why Lihua didn't even try to pacify him?? Influence him to be good?? For the unpleasant pillow talk scene, I get it. She was mad he forced himself on her. See, even the maid asked why didn't she try to be nice to him? I guess Lihua was disgusted with him since the first day fiasco and washed her hands off him. With this kind of emperor, I wld even pray to hv another Yuwen Hu. Then he wld know his place. Did Lihua learn martial arts to defense herself or was she just like other noble ladies?? Ouuuu the rare moments of Dugu Jialuo's badass-ery happened. Get him, Jialuo!! Why tf Lihua was so soft hearted... Well. And TAKE THAT YUWEN YUN!! he didn't know his mother in law was raised on battlefields. Omg Jialuo had her awakening, realisation how serious it was. Finally. Lihua, this girl was another thing. After all that, she shld try to not escalate the situation more. You know we often see the situation with Jialuo waiting with soldiers near the gate, I guess it was permissible since it was just a few(?) guards of her?? Idk it just so weird i never seen something like this before. Damn Lihua girl you got a weird taste but I guess like mother like daughter. At least she tamed this monster. Wait.. No she was another dumb girl. Wtf why the heck she wld defend man that was worthless like that??? She was crazy. The fvck was this plot. The plot escalated so fast I got a whiplash. That poor child on the throne.

[sincelastsession]

I have been unable to sleep and then I finally did pass out today I'm from lack of sleep and Woke up I was very anxious And nauseated and I don't know if the 2 are synonymous or if I'm sick I don't think I'm sick though unless I eat something bad. Anyway I feel awful right now like just mentally like not a harm to myself or others but just Pretty fucking mean brain time.

And I have been trying very hard to ignore that because it's very intrusive and I have absolutely no desire to go that direction that my brain is just slamming me with

So yeah I've just been an anxious mess with a stomach that's fucked up and I am crying like a baby and I don't even really know why like I was not in a bad mood I don't know if I just had a regular no trigger panic and anxiety attack but I did take my meds and I do feel calmer but I'm still weepy and I don't like this

So the neighbors that have been torturing me have let new neighbors know about me and my neighbor who went up to the front office and raised hell because they weren't listening to me and they needed someone else to go up there to prove it for some fucking dumb reason

I've gotten my security camera it won't be installed till the weekend unless I can find somebody to come out tomorrow evening

Since the people in apartment 60 are going to have the at least not renewed That means that I won't have to deal with them for a super long time or at least my neighbor won't

My parents have told me that I will be moving in September I don't know if I should believe them I am very exhausted from all these stupid events that don't even have to do with me but I was roped into and then unroped myself because hell no

Like I just I don't have the mental capacity and I don't feel good like I'm dealing with chronic pain and all sorts of other health issues right now and I don't fucking want to deal with someone who is not my child unless they reach out to me and ask for help because I cannot talk sense into my sister who is drunk or high most of the time and you and I both know that people in addiction have to choose to get better

And I am kind of sad for her but also very disgusted and pissed off at her for many reasons I'm not going to shame her for having any sort of addiction but I don't like that she has that issue right now and it worries me because her aunt her biological aunt died recently from alcoholism and a medical condition that caused her to die early from the drinking and Piper has not been tested for that genetic disorder or whatever So I am very concerned especially since she's 22 and parties a lot and I know when I was younger I did drink and then I got older and I was like You know this isn't my j how many more and I don't like hangovers anymore and I just quit because I don't really have that addiction Genetics thing that many people do struggle with and I'm sure that if I drank every day I could become addicted but I don't ever have like cravings for drugs or alcohol

Actually that's a lie sometimes I want a beer like I'll just crave the flavor of a beer even though usually I think they're pretty fucking gross but I assume that you understand what I mean by that

I'm not sure what to do and therapy tomorrow I am exhausted though and I wanted to work on things but I don't know if I am capable right now

I'm also really concerned because apartment 60 was sent a letter today about the fact that they won't be allowed to renew their lease

So I don't know if they're going to retaliate but they have told the new neighbors all about me because for some reason even though I've told the office that I can literally hear these people talking about me from every room in my apartment the people in apartment 60 have not been made aware that I can hear Everything they're saying so I'm a little worried about what's going to happen when I put my security camera up

I'm allowed to have it and it has cloud storage and capability of more than 1 person to have an account and look through the camera if need be and I was going to talk with a courtesy officer and see if it was capable of allowing him to access it for emergency reasons or to just check and see if it really is as bad as it is when I call for noise complaint before he walks out here and then tells me that nobody's being allowed because they see him and they usually scatter

And I'm not even anxious about any of this other than the fact that I am terrified apartment 60 is going to retaliate against me when it was my neighbor who raised hell and went to the front office finally because she was sick of it she knew I was dealing with it for a while but she's been dealing with her breast cancer and she just finally had enough.

So I found that out earlier today I was thinking that we were going to have to speak to mister Lewis who owns the property or did own the property or manages the entire patrician management properties something like that.

My parents have been really aggressive and cruel to me lately for really no reason because I've asked them like hey why are you mad at me did I do something wrong and they just get really pissed off and hang up on me or says that they have to go and hang up and I don't know what's going on

I know it's possible that it's not like personal but I really don't like that they're being cruel and I have calmly asked them you know can you stop being mean to me I didn't do anything to you why are You talkin' to me like that I don't deserve that and they will say something like really mean and nonsensical and just hang the phone up and I am left very confused and I did not blow their phones up with text messages today I did not have that compulsion today

And I did try to talk to my dad and he got mad about me repeating myself once or twice and he was like you need to fucking quit doing that and I'm like I can't really help it and he has a tantrum about it and I don't exist to please him or anybody else and this hurts my feelings so much because it's part of who I am currently and yes it is obnoxious but it's not something that I am Controlling that I am aware that I can just suddenly stop because when I do try to suddenly stop or I do get told to shut up Sometimes the compulsion gets worse and it's not something that like unconsciously doing I have been made aware of it many many times for the past couple of years and it's gotten worse and I don't know what's causing that

Willing to work on that but I need people to quit being so fucking critical of me because other people do understand when I say it's my OCD and I do apologize When that is happening. It is really frustrating having to apologize about something that I really don't have a good control over

I don't really get to pick or choose when it happens

So even though people hate it and everything it's like hey guys you don't have to live with this it's embarrassing already and I'm aware of it but it's actually pretty physically painful to quit and I don't know how to explain that it's something you would have to experience yourself and people just won't take my word for it and think that I'm just trying to make excuses to repeat myself and I'm like why would I do that

So yeah

And yeah I am worried about the people in apartment 60 I don't know when they're lease is up but they will have to move then but hopefully I will move before they do so I don't have to deal with it but I do worry for my neighbor but I also know she's grown and can take care of herself like she did the other day

I wish I could just go on a vacation for 2 weeks

Just like do my therapy session on video chat or something and go somewhere 42 weeks but I can't afford to do that right now so I'm trying to have vacation at home and vacation at home is just you know not the same

I've been using this little heart monitor which I guess you will see tomorrow and it is driving me insane right now I don't see a red rash but it it's like hell and I'm trying not to touch it because last time I had to wear one of these and they went to remove it it ripped some of my skin off and there was a horrible rash underneath the entire times so I'm hoping that this won't damage me as bad. It has to stay on till the 30 and it looks fucking gross right now because it has fuzzy particles stuck around the edges that I can't get off unless I use it alcohol be and then that might make the sticky come off completely so I just have to deal with it.

My appointment with my primary care yesterday she took a lot of pictures of me for medical reasons because I am growing a fucking mustache now and also like a beard as if somebody has given me hormone treatments to change genders which I do not like for myself because that's not how I identify

But it did give me a flashback to when I was a child having medical studies and pictures taken of me

And I did not tell her and I did not react but since then it's been flashing back to that and even though nobody hurt me I was a small child in a government study and my parents did not come back with me when they took me to the photography studio in the hospital

And I did not tell her and I did not react but since then it's been flashing back to that and even though nobody hurt me I was a small child in a government study and my parents did not come back with me when they took me to the photography studio in the hospital I remember the people being nice but I also had to strip down to my underwear and they took pictures of my body because of the rash I had from my autoimmune disorder I had at was really uncomfortable when I was a kid and I didn't know that I could just tell them I did not want to do it and I was also a really shy kid and I went non verbal a lot and my parents just thought I was being shy and I could never explain it to them

So it's kind of like a weird trauma to have it's pretty unique one. But also when I remember that trauma from early childhood where I was actually abused pops up andI guess it's because both of those things involved pictures

And I do wonder if the pictures have something to do with why I don't want people to take like normal pictures of me and I only take head shots and I don't know if those things are connected and I don't know if we should explore that at some point but I figured I'd just mention it here so you might take note if you feel it's important for my treatment

Since me and my partner had an argument he's been pretty quiet I mean he did apologize for his bullshit properly and I'm not mad at he's been scarce

So me being a person who doesn't look at relationships like everybody else and I don't know how to explain that I don't know what's going on I don't know if people just have reflection period after these sort of things or what

I did talk to him briefly about 20 minutes ago just asking him if he was okay and he told me he was okay and that the movie long legs sucked andSuggested that I do not go see it even though I love Nicholas cage

And I sent him a couple little sweet messages but he didn't reply and I'm tired and I'm not gonna message him again to get a reply

I don't think that our relationship is in trouble currently I just don't know what to do when he's being super quiet andI always have this very irrational anxiety unrelated to the anxiety I'm having today thatThat people are angry at me or just don't want to deal with me or something like that. And I know that he may not want to talk to me and that's fine he does not have to I'm not holding a gun to his head to talk to me

But it sucks when people apeople are going through whatever and they don't really reply to you and you just feel really fucking alone

I mean it's pretty obvious I have abandonment issues. It's pretty obvious that I have some codependency problems and I tried to keep it all in check and I tried to have time by myself but the thing is unby myself a lot and today I wanted to be by myself other than talking to him because I didn't think I would get stressed out by him or you know a few other choice people if they did happen to contact me but mostly today I wanted to be left alone because of all the chaos

And I find it really ridiculous that me wanting to be alone and then like feeling very lonely and it's just I don't know

Because I'm alone most of the time and if I'm not talking to people is that I'm not talking in general I'm just dead silent all day long and some days I have nice quiet alone days where I just can relax but it's been so long that I don't even remember how to try and relax and when I say relax I don't mean fully relaxed because I don't even think I'm capable of fully relaxing unless I'm under anesthesia

Like I feel like I could be given a fucking horse tranquilizer and I would still be awake

I mean before my Doctor diagnosed me with a heart condition that says that I cannot have Various sedatives and sleep medications Especially meds like trazodone. Because I remember taking that medicine and my brain and body would fight it for a while much longer than most people last and I would hallucinate black & white. And I think it's really weird because the only other times I have had any sort of visual hallucinations medication-related they are always in black & white and that is just weird and I haven't asked my neurologist about that but I'm not sure he would even have an answer.

I think it might just be one of those really weird things.

I wish I could take ambien because I had the best fucking sleep of my life when I took that I did have 2 ambient adventures but nothing that put me in horrible danger. Not purposeful just took my medicine and did not fall asleep like I was supposed to and decided to apparently make some art and then the other time was I went outside and thought I saw moondog creatures going through things in my mom's car and so my dad just found me in the side yard with my hands-on my hips staring at her car and I was in a good mood I remember it vaguely and then he just Brought me back inside and told me to go to bed and I was like okay and went to bed and I continued taking the medicine and it really did help me to sleep but when my heart condition popped upThe Doctor told me I could no longer take it and I'm mad about it.

I have had insomnia and I think it's genetic because I believe my dad's mother also had a lot of trouble sleeping and getting rest and such and I do share quite a few traits with her

My father also has some sleep issues and I'm not sure about my mom I think she just works too much and spins too much money which is why she works extra hours but I can't do anything about her shopping addiction

I am grateful that she bought the security camera for me even though I didn't ask her to

I'm not going to ask her to pay me back the money that she owes me because of that

You know I never really want any arguments or drama with people but when they poke at me so much it does rile me app and it's very hard for me to get back to being calm because other people seem to be able to easily just get Uber it and go back to how they were before and I don't know why I have trouble with that it seems like my emotions have to catch up to my logic and that takes a lot Longer than I would like but I haven't found any sort of way even with cognitive behavior therapy techniques to really make it shorten

So basically I just have to wait while I'm sitting there kind of beating myself up because it's just like logically I know what's going on but emotionally it's like a Big stupid battle

And yeah I do want to do the disassociative testing because sometimes I do wonder if I am split in some sort of way that doesn't have to do with a personality disorder I think maybe my PTSD is causing something to happen or just you know years of abuse and trauma have done something to my brain well it's sort of obvious that I already have something going on but I would like to explore what it is and how to deal with that or work on you know staying In touch with reality more than I already am

And it's funny because I had a friend of mine talked to me a couple of days ago and she was like if I had to deal with as much as you did I would be delusional as hell on purpose and I was just like that sounds great but In practice I don't think it would be practical to do or healthy

I'm also trying to figure out a way to be brave and learn to skirt the rules for SSI without getting into trouble so I can make money because I feel it in my bones that my dad is getting worse and my mom is also getting worse and I can't really do anything about my sister and it's sort of like I feel like It's crunch time like I only have so much time before the clock runs out

I feel like this a lot. I get in a panic because I feel like I'm going to run out of time and then I'm fucked

And then I asked my dad and mom like I had a fucking meltdown because they kept giving me so many different times and months and days that I would be moving and nobody could give me just a general answer that for sure I would be at least looking at placesBecause I'm tired of having my hopes gotten up and then dashed

So finally my dad told me again that September is the month and so I'm trying to get my brain which is also me which is a mind fog but I'm trying to get my brain to understand that I'm going to have to wait till then and hopefully it wasn't bullshit because I don't want to deal with getting my hopes up again

I need to move regardless of psychological issues because I have physical issues that are causing me problems right now and I probably should be using my Walker but I fucking hate using it and bringing it with me places and sometimes I break down and do and I don't know if I'll have it with me tomorrow or not

I mean I don't think that you mind or anything just thinking about it out loud.

There are some articles about how some people with AD HD just process out loud and it also has to do with autism and then O CD comes in to play and so I Know that we can't just stick that Problem to one diagnosis but it is like you're symptomatic of those diagnosis and I did tell my dad when he was bitching at me that I Don't Know if it's like neurological Damage or if it's something that can be fixed or helped much More than I'm already trying And my trying is pretty much failing every time I try and it sucks and I get very mad at myself but I don't Feel like anything is clicking in my brain when I tried to stop myself on certain things

Like I don't know how to describe the click in the brain thing

Like it just kind of feels like I'm trying to do it but the request for the action is not being met with an OK we're gonna stop no matter how hard I'm trying to stop so it feels like I guess like the brain sends a signal to itself and says hey we need to stop doing this thing and then my brain just says nope I don't think so and continues to do it and I don't know how to fix that shit

And if I do have some sort of neurological damage you know they have not found it on ACT scan or AMRI

But I know that there's another type of brain scan which my insurance probably does not cover that shows when certain regions of the brain light up and when they don't and it's not an MRI even though Mr i's do have some capability like that

And I can't think of the name of the type of imaging and it's the kind that they use to look at schizophrenia and study other mental disorders and there's clinics that do it but I can't for the life of me think of the name

I feel like if I just had better health care access I wouldn't have so many issues in general

Like a lot of things will give me relief to know when in Spring I should be seeing my genetic assistant again because she has a very long appointment Wait list

And honestly I did get some sleep but I just feel like something is just draining my energy completely and I've been feeling like that for about a month and it's probably stress I mean that's the most obvious answer but I have been feeling just physically not great and it is exhausting to deal with chronic pain and crazy family and then other medical issues And I wish I could just get a break from it but that's not how it works

The situational depression that I am feeling is kind of just wavering if that's a way to describe it

I mean it's there it's more just annoying than anything and I don't really feel like super nasty but it just feels like a heavy cloud hanging on me and I'm trying to ignore it because it's just obnoxious

Like I don't like having sad bitch disorder

I would rather I've an episode of Mania where I just clean my apartment and talkward faster and act really super happy but it's been like years since that has occurred

I understand that manic episodes are pretty nasty for most people who suffer from like bipolar and other conditions but the Mania that I get once in a Blue Moon is just like I actually feel happy and I can do a whole bunch of stuff and I clean like a crazy person and there's no executive dysfunction and I feel like I'm powerful and shit and then it's gone in like a week at most

And then I just kind of go back to neutral normal

And you know I have my low moments but I don't really have like the nasty depression all the time

Even if I did I don't think that there's a medication out there currently that I have not tried that did not give me some sort of issue and the main ones that they give people that generally work really well for most of the population actually make me feel worse and that is fucked up and not fair

Because I mean who wants to have more interesting thoughts and feel more suicidal type feelings when they're just trying to feel better you know that's what happened after taking prozac for so long and I do worry that because it took prozac for so long and it's probably you know it probably was never a normal depression it was probably the dysthymia I was diagnosed as having when I was 14-15.

And I thank them treating me for regular depression and not short-term and just making me take prozac for many years without a break probably fucked my brain app and then the brakes that I did have I was on another medication that did not work obviously and I really don't know what happened last time I was in a facility but when I figured out that it was the prozac causing the problems and I took myself off of it All of that shit went away and it was pretty fucking bad so what I'm experiencing right now is not Is anywhere near that feeling.

Right now I just feel like a weepy baby and that's about it and I'm sad but I can logic it and I am feeling my feelings so there's really not much else I can do other than just raw dog this crap

I haven't smoked much recently either I did the other day for my pain but it wasn't really helping the pain as much as I would have liked it too so the Doctor gave me a non steroidal anti-inflammatory injection that is leaving my system right now but she gave it to me because I was all swollen on my hip

And I see my rheumatologist on the 29th so hopefully they can tell me what's going on or get me into physical therapy where they can fix the problem because it might just be due to my hypermobility

Also I know I've probably mentioned this before but I am wondering how much do auto immune disorders cause inflammation in the body and caused psychological issues from the inflammation

Because over the years I have read that people with auto immune disorders often experience emotional changes and mood changes and depression and such because there's inflammation of the brain as well and the tissues or you know things like that

I'm not super well versed on that topic because it wasn't mega interesting to me because I didn't feel like my last Rheumatologist before my new one would really understand or be able to answer the question I don't think that they were trained very well

But I wonder if I'm having any sort of flare up inflammation if that could be causing the brain problems or part of the problem I don't know if there's any way to remedy that but just a thought as to why I'm might be having some extra issues

I really loved my partner but I really miss my ex and neither of them are probably good enough for me but I still love them both

Like I desperately miss my ex-boyfriend but since he got sober he isn't speaking to me or coming around if I see him in public he's a sweetheart but he's not really seeking me out to spend time with me even though he said that I was his best female friend you know and it hurts I mean today I sent him a message to just ask him how he was doing and he just ignored me And I don't know if I should continue to put any energy towards that at all but I don't want to lose him

I feel like I'm losing him and I don't want to lose him and I know we're not dating but I mean like even as a friend

And I haven't told him what's been going on in my life because people don't want to know apparently

You know I'm supposed to just be like oh living the dream and everybody's like yeah me too and then nobody talks about anything and I think that that's like something that's fundamentally fucked up about society is that people just lie to each other and people just talk and stupid little riddles all the time and for me I just don't understand why they just don't directly say what they want to say

I mean I get it I'm not like them but I also know lots of other people that aren't like them either that are pretty direct but I just don't understand why other people have such a problem and why it's such a social taboo to just directly say something to somebody and they get all upset even though there's nothing to be upset about and I don't know if that's just like the United States that has a big issue with that

I've read that in other countries it's not that big of a deal to just directly speak to people and I've thought about if I could afford to just expand the Netherlands because apparently they're very direct people and that sounds like my jam but I don't actually really want to move just to be understood and accepted

But I've also read other really interesting things while I'm like going on my little special interest deep dives that people in other countries also don't experience various diagnosis the same

For instance lake in our country people with schizophrenia tend to have more negative experiences and in some regions and countries they have more positive experiences and often those people are looked at as shawman's and things like that like prophetic almost in certain cultures and I find that to be pretty fascinating and I wonder about Lake cultures before they developed like mental illness treatment what did they do back in early civilization did they just kill people did they just lock them away I mean I know that those were practices

But like were there any positive practices that were done when people had issues where they just seen as people with gifts

Anyway I can't remember the rest of what I was going to mention here and I'm tired so I guess I'll just talk to you tomorrow I don't know if you'll read this before I see you.

I mean hopefully you get a second to do so.

I know that my other journal entries probably are concerning but I don't want anybody to worry too much because like I've told you it's just kind of like brain vomit but I figured you could glean something from me when I'm just journaling.

[the-firebird69]

Trump trial: Robert De Niro and Capitol police officers show up to courthouse with Biden campaign | AP News

This kind of support does not grow on trees and if Biden do not have him go down there or the campaign but he chose to and people said that the White House good it is good it's a guy showing support for the president and he's also pointing out the guy is a criminal and he has to be treated as such and who sang outside he put us through hell we're still in hell this guy's a little boy and doesn't do it anything right it is trying to ruin us for sick and tired of hearing from him we want him in jail and out of the public eye and off the books he's out of line all the time. And he said it out loud and people are responding and these trumpsters are nuts they're saying a lot of stuff about him and he's going to war there is a mob war started against Trump and there's a lot of people that hate him and tons of people want him out they want him to shut up throwing his face afternoons and they're on his face off the news and he's a blasphemous for pool and he's a big rat and he told dinero that and to know didn't say anything and he said I said what I wanted ask who's walking away to say I don't think he needs to comment but he did inside the guy is a big rat and he means that Trump is a big rat so people are saying what does that mean and they look around they said you know what this guy Trump is a huge rat. And our son said there's something wrong then that was best friends was my brother and all sudden everybody started to tear into s*** heads and yeah they're going after the trumpsters in New York City and dinero says it looks like me but it's not really

I don't know if this guy has anything Trump has anything he looks like it. And today I was still there and he says you know what it is he says he has a key to a ship eventually I got that awesome and out of him and he's sitting there or my brother and sister-in-law and that might be enough for him he's a poor little guy and he says okay so he goes off well it's the one that goes in the pool and swear those fears were and he said wow that's bad if it should be 45,000 miles long anyway since you're nuts yes it is crazy everybody else is building one. Yeah not that big my brother some kind of engineer he went to Harvard MIT. So then I'm talking and Janelle says you should probably go home I said oh yeah we'll talk to you later so as he's walking away he's saying it's a nice kid he's dangerous but nice and they said he's sitting there in the middle of these two idiots pleading with people that get them off him. So since the wheels around and he's telling her son we'll do something and he's thinking of and he's taking him and say there's nothing my bosses are under massive to rest and then over lords and he says wow I'm going to go talk to them. So he goes and talks to them and hears about it and he sees these guys trying to push him off the road and they're going to go after them this guy Dave and the other them they said this we don't think he's your family and you keep doing this s*** to him and why you away from him and we're going to do that to you. And it started getting mad because the guy is talking smack but he's saying really nasty things so they're going to go after him and there's a mob war brewing and it'll go after his stuff and everything and the sun says it's not just for you it's for the whole syndicate this guy is taking over almost everything all the way down to sugar and all the products and he's sitting there pissing it out not that I care but he's only one idiot and he's pissing himself out so everything else Robert de Niro said this is how it goes and it said the kid is trying to communicate it and it's kind of like our language a little. No he's trying to say it our way this is what he's doing and it looks behind and it's not it looks benign but it's not it is that it says I've got to get out of here he went he said I got that one but really people are making it so you can't remember it and he says this is awful this kid is in trouble and this guy might have it and he probably doesn't have it all and probably not so they mean the key for the ship it's not all you need and the body of JC and Mary and then he says this so the kid and those two are a key to the ship as well and that might be true so he started to panic and said that is what it is and he's moving out and he's getting his guys is going after this trumpsters and he has goals and good that's what he said this guy has transcended everybody and he's getting small and it's really time to go after him

Thor Freya

I found out something these guys who work for him have information about things and I figured some of the stuff out is real and it's horrifically huge and a completely addicted and out of control about it and he says it's got to be more than a ship. And I realize this a huge one and see different and has a lot of firepower but he's right and it is a different type of s*** it looks like Warhammer the imperial fleet in the old fashioned ships was a big plow in the front that's what it looks like it looks intense it is brand new in the armor on it is class A but there's something about that or others it's enough about and we think it's the whole thing put together this will have the ship and they'll have Saturn and the sphere fleet I didn't believe it and a friend who is saying my mom is clean clan can is clean there's a few others running around and I say this these people are a little stupid and they don't understand that's possibly people on board and they have robots so it's going to be you fun day with this guy is nuts and his people are nuts and we certainly have to get to the bottom of it

Robert de Niro

I don't think you're listening to me he says you're threatened so often I have to just sit here to you hitting you. ... What we say is we're high on something I guess this is it this ship is too big it's really big I know that probably wouldn't do it and there's fears in Saturn and it's probably not good it's good for us but you know we should shut up the stuff you don't know about who don't control and the max do and general is a Mac but he's right we're high on crack cocaine and it's got to be a reason he's going to figure it out cuz we do need to shut up and sit down I realize we're out there blabbing I really this is too much we have to sit down it's just a ship without in it as a planet that was what could be occupied ships and it would make a big deal out of something we don't have and we don't have control of this kid for the most part we think we do that's probably what we're high on and he says you're nuts I don't have anything you want to be me or something you stupid fruit so this doesn't make sense and we're going to war with everybody including the max I haven't done so we're just a strange people that start with but yeah we're high on a few things we almost have

Trump

It's pretty gross we almost have it and we're high on it and it happens to a lot of ours. And different races too but he's right it just really it's over the top and there's something to push it there its not what he's saying. The money is controlled by the government the money to him. And I'm in control of that and he is and we're high on it that we have big fun girls full of stuff and yeah we don't have that many ships it does make sense and it's going to get worse Saturday much worse so stay tuned to our arrogant talk but really we're high on all of it together

Terryc

You know what it is we do know what it is there was a day that changed everything and it's really not right when you say about him and he's not going to help you no matter what and you're on crack I don't like you people we don't like you people he doesn't like you he knows your you're special sinners and you keep telling it to him and you're just really stupid. There is something here it's your behavior and it's pointing out you don't care what you're saying and doing you feel Superior and who cares about a program our son says since the computer and people are defeating it so maybe that's what it is it's backwards from what we think. Then again he's getting rid of his people so he controls the computer that are disappearing these miles and says it will be time to activate the other ones and we say okay where's the other one he says up there that's right and his computer is it whose computer is it can you tell you're wrong if your computer is up there is activated and hates you and it says it in your f****** stupid Trump you're a stupid person it's going around killing you and it's telling you offhand way that it's getting rid of you and you're some reason you're high on it

Thor Freya but that would actually make sense cuz he's a lowly peon now he has a big bully that he can watch fight other people it is higher the fact that the big bully is demanding it so Robert Camaro got that and he said it was going to fight it for you and weaken it and you'll take off and ship

We agree so we're going to publish

..

Olympus

[sakura-otome]

Okay so I finished Tobari, Awayuki, Yori, and Tsuyukusa routes and am finally playing Yashiro.

SPOILERS FOR YASHIRO AND OTHER ROUTES.

Anyway, we start his route off with Tsuyukusa being framed for the theft of an expensive Gadget. Tsuyukusa works as a tech/Gadget, and on a job at some rich aristocrats house, he was shown some Gadget said to be the key to the Heart of the city Itehari's engine.

He goes home, and few dats later his house is raided by the cops for stealing it. The aristocrat is certain it's Tsuyukusa because he hadn't told anyone else about the item, and showed it to him because he was a skilled tech. The guy doesn't seem to be lying either. Thing is the safe that was protecting it was also a type of Gadget, which was destroyed in the process of the theft.

MC is certain he couldn't have done it because the dude is obsessed with this sort of technology. He really loves and respects the craftsmanship.

Anyways, as we get all of this info, two things stand out to me:

Tsuyukusa says to Yashiro remember when I was batching about that old man bragging about his gadget? This means that Tsuyukusa is not, in fact, the only person who knew about the existence of the gadet — Yashiro also knew about it.

Second, when the MC is explaining why Tsuyukusa couldn't have broken the safe because he likes gadgets, it was as though Yashiro was trying to wrap his head around the concept. It's not that hard to get, but he seemed to have trouble with the idea that "you wouldn't break something you like/love"

We already know from the other routes that Yashiro is lying about being an amnesiac and is actually a spy sent in from the Ginwan, the capital of the country Tōei.

We also know that the guy who tried to kill Hinagiku, the MC at the beginning, was also the assassin that was sent in by the Ginwan to kill the Taiju in Tsuyukusa route.

So both Yashiro and Mr Assassin work for the Ginwan, but it's only in Yori route that we see any indication of them likely coordinating their actions. In the other routes, it seems like they were working under a different set of orders.

Now, back to Tsuyukusa. I'm guessing that Yashiro is the one that framed him. He knew about the Gadget, and was also lead to believe that it was the key to the Heart of Itehari, where the engine is. It may be the case that the Ginwan wants access to this, and he went ahead and stole it.

Now, it may just be happenstance that this implicated only Tsuyukusa, abd that it wasn't his intention to frame him, it was just what ended up happening. But his comments about not breaking things you like seemed like he was reflecting on his mistake - not doing a good enough job to make it really look like Tsuyukusa was the one who did it.

There's also the fact the implication that whoever committed the theft didn't realize that the Gadget was likely worthless with regards to accessing the engine of Itehari, because there's only one key which is being held by the Clan of Wisdom, not some random aristocrats home.

Also, the POV switch to Mr Assassin seems like he's pretty irritated at being ordered to do something. He hopes that whoever ordered him to do this gets "disposed of". I'm putting forth the idea that Yashiro is the one who made Mr Assassin, a fellow spy for the Ginwan, commit the theft. If this is the case, Yashiro must be ina position where he can demand that of Mr Assassin, but still not be the leader.

Also Yashiro seemed really hesitant about helping Tsuyukusa out when they were asked to.

Another thing is that the whole arrest was supposedly the actions of some low-ranking officer who jumped the gun trying to make a name for himself, and that the higher ups are actually really pissed off about this.

This seems to me as if someone like Yashiro, who is unaware of Tsuyukusa's position in the political landscape, managed to coordinate this arrest using other people who also knew nothing, ended up biting off more than he could chew when it became clear that Tsuyukusa getting framed is no laughing matter for many powerful people in Itehari.

But yeah

[rasywmtra]

*cw for a sort of rant under the cut, I mean no offence to anyone by writing it but I just had to let it out and swearing*

(This is just a rant for myself, not on my main blog for obvious reasons)

white boy neurodivergent privilege. It exists and it pisses me tf off.

Because when they have a melt down, it's ok, they're just being boys and they don't know what they're doing and you have to understand that they have issues so they can do no wrong because their disorder made them do it. When they (due to being enabled their whole lives) throw a violent tantrum, it's not their fault. It's never their fault, they're just confused and they can't have possibly stoped it or anything, they're perfect little angels. When they need accommodations, it's provided. They're so cute with their silly stims and cute little entitlement and how they always get away with it because look at them they're a little blond boy who can do no wrong.

This isn't to say that all white boy neurodivergents have perfect lives, or that any of them do, but I think we can all see they are by far the most accepted packaging for spicy brains.

Now when anyone else has a meltdown? OH NO FUCK THE CRAZY PERSON NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP! "stop being dramatic" "Stop crying, you have no right" "Don't you dare make another sound" "you're making a scene" "You ruin everything with your crazy mood swings" "Stop faking it" "You're making me look bad" "Why can't you just be normal?"

Stimming? "Go sit in the corner and think about what you did" "You're disrupting the class" "Stop, it annoys me" "Why are you so weird" "Hands at your sides, this is important" "Why are you fidgeting? are you hiding something?" "I'm going to take it away from you until you can hold it normally"

Sensory issues? "It's not that bad" "wow so convenient that you can't come help us because of this, suck it up" "No one else has an issue with it" "The flickering isn't even noticeable" "What do you mean you can't hold it? Why is it so hard to do one thing for me?" "It's not like you can even hear it"

nonverbal? "Use your words" "Stop ignoring me you brat" "Speak to me! I didn't do anything wrong!" "Answer me right now or else" "did you lose your voice or something? It was working fine when you were yelling at me for [insert triggering thing they did]"

Need accommodations? too bad! You're gonna need about five billlion notes including one from your dead relative, figure it out!

"You're not disabled enough for this" "Well you aren't like really neurodivergent- you function properly" "My cousin is autistic and you're not like him at all! So clearly you're faking it!" "You can talk though" "Oh... that's not normal, my brother is hyperfixated on trucks and you aren't, so clearly you don't really have adhd" "You don't LOOK neurodivergent" "You're not exactly like [insert white boy name] and he's [insert disorder] so you have it easy!"

It happens time and time again!

I was shunned and called names and just fucking hated for just being myself and my brothers were put on a gold stage for using their neurodivergence as an excuse to be brats.

Me? banned from the office unless i was fucking dying

My brothers? "Oh come in dear, have a key to the back door so you can come in if you ever need anything!" "You don't like class? just stay here!" "You beat up a kid? I'll call them in to apologize to you"

And clearly this isn't the instance for every person but I have seen it far too often, not just with me but with literally every single time I come across neurodivergent people. There is a diferent between how we're treated and it sucks ass!

Anyway sorry if I offended anyone, but yeah, if I help even one person not feel like a bitch for agreeing with me i've done my job

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Alright it's still early but I have learned some things from the tags on this post:

Number one: this is one of the two things that I knew would happen, my dry sarcastic nature has pissed some of you off. That is ok with me, it's a mistake I was prepared for people to make it's partially my fault, but I am actually offended by the person who said f*** you. Tell me to go fuck myself like a normal person. I promise I'm not judging you for your lifestyle choices to not have sex or do drugs I'm just confused by them. I am however judging you for your lifestyle choice to sensor your own swearing on Tumblr.gov.

Number one and a half: some of the people assuming I'm judging instead of just curious because I talk like an asshole have assumed I don't have a lust for life without drugs. This is not true it is my lust for life leading me to have drugs and do sex. I'm not an addict I'm an experimentalist. I want to experience as many altered states as possible. We're sensation seeking over here.

Number two: this is the other one i expected, the asexuals are a bit peeved with me. I should have clarified if you are ace and sex neutral to repulsed please only answer for your not doing drugs choice. Sex positive asexuals (sex positive for themselves not as in agreeing with the sex positivity movement) can answer as normal if they have never had sex unless you would rather have your reason be I'm ace. Sorry I should have put that caveat up in the first place.

Onto the things I've learned that I did not expect

Number three: I think some of you are answering that you just don't want to when there is in fact a dare officer living in your head. Like I am not pressuring you to drink here do whatever you feel safest doing but some of you seem very sure you'll get addicted to alcohol from getting drunk once and I don't think that that is how it works. Perhaps I should have said anxiety instead of severe anxiety I just know for me the anxiety would have to be debilitating to stop me from doing whatever I wanted so that's why I phrased it like that. (OP is somewhat critical of the medicalization of addiction, yes addiction is a disease but so is shit life syndrome, you understand, do not accuse me of saying you can overcome addiction with willpower because of this aside. I think a secret third thing)

Number four: people who avoid substances because they are stinky. Girl I agree alcohol tastes like shit that is why I drown it in as much sugary liquid as I can. I am stomaching that shit because being drunk is fun. It is not as fun as being high and the comedown is so much worse.

Number 5: the person who said that they don't even drink coffee you are so right you and me are of the same opinion on caffeine we are just opposite ends of the do drugs/don't do drugs spectrum. You were like caffeine is drugs and I wish to live a sober life so I shant drink coffee and I was like caffeine is drugs so I might as well try meth

Anyway listening and learning. You live in a way that I cannot conceive of and I'm just trying to figure out why not trying to be judgemental. I just want to understand why I see the celibacy gif on every poll that's all. I wish everyone who chose the second option (i.e. want to but no one will fuck me and I cant get the good stuff) a very get laid get paid.

Ok so I've seen so many polls going around that are like "how old were you when you first had sex/got drunk/smoked weed etc." and the answer that wins is always the boring one so for those of you who are straight edge and celibate, which I know is the largest segment of this website:

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Mean Part two

Summary; Eddie fucked up, he hurt y/n with thoughtless words. What can he do to prove to her how he feels?

Warnings; Angst, Heartache, Fluff.

Part 2 to Mean

Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated. ❤ I don't give anyone permission to copy my work.

💞💞💞💞

It had been three weeks since the end of her and Eddie's relationship and despite the brave face she was putting on in public in private she was distraught.

Eddie kept trying to speak to her but what could she hear from him that could make things better?

Eddie's words had completely broken her heart.

The words played in her head constantly and she couldn't get them out no matter how she tried.

“You actually think we are together? Jesus H Christ. No. She would drive me fucking nuts dude. What the fuck are you thinking. You all make this school fucking miserable and you think that I would want in on your conforming bullshit. It’s bullshit”.

To her surprise sensing her heartbreak (though only Chrissy knew the reason why) the other cheerleaders were very sweet and did their best to comfort her.

Chrissy was extremely protective as well as Robin while Jason was even more of a douche than normal.

"How could you put our reputation at risk to fuck that freak? He was embarrassed by you anyway so why risk popularity for that shit".

She shakes her head vibrating with rage.

"Oh just fuck off Jason" she storms away though Jason's words hurt her already aching heart.

As she is leaving she bumps into Eddie and looks up into his beautiful, brown eyes. His eyes are red and he looks exhausted.

"Princess" he touches her cheek and she swallows and moves away.

"What happened?".

"Nothing, well Jason being a dick as usual" she mutters and his eyes darken and Dustin bounds up to them.

"Eddie, big dilemma, Lucas needs to catch up on the campaign". Eddie groans and she hears Jason run his mouth again about somebody else and she has enough of listening to him and slips away when Eddie is distracted by Dustin.

❤❤

The next thing she hears is that there was a massive fight in the cafeteria between Eddie and Jason.

Chrissy is pissed at both of them but more at Jason as he started it by harassing Eddie.

"He kept saying about your relationship with Eddie and making mean comments and Eddie lost it". It honestly stunned her so much because Eddie was not a fighter but he was protective of people he cared about.

That's the part that was confusing though he didn't care about her. He made that clear?

Concerned about Eddie she heads down to the nurse's office, he's with Gareth and Dustin arrives too.

Eddies lips are bleeding, cheeks bruised and his knuckles are busted up.

"Oh, Eddie". He looks up and smiles wincing a little as he stands.

"Should see Jason". He jokes and she feels her lips wobbles.

"Eddie, Jason wasn't worth this" his eyes flash and his knuckles tighten.

"You didn't hear the way he was speaking about you". She softens and gently tilts his chin up so he looks at her.

"It's not worth you getting hurt" his jaw tenses and he is fierce as he replies.

"You're worth it".

Her heart races at the conviction in his words and she sits beside him.

"Eddie, I don't understand, you made it clear how you felt?". He shakes his head and there is regret in his eyes.

"I didn't mean any of it, I just saw how Jason was looking at you and I said anything to protect you, protect your reputation".

She frowns.

"By breaking my heart instead?".

Dustin pipes in.

"We've already told him that was stupid". Eddie rolls his eyes.

"Yeah thanks, Henderson, I got that myself". she stifles a smile and Dustin grins.

"He's pretty miserable without you y/n". Gareth tells her and Dustin nods in agreement.

Eddie ignored them both and looks deeply into her eyes.

"I'm going to get you back princess, I am going to prove how much you mean to me". The absolute certainty in his voice, the determination makes her belly fill with butterflies.

She knows that he's serious and is curious to see what he will do.

It was the big game today and as usual, she was working hard with Chrissy to get the routine down with the girls.

Eddie had came to her door every morning with flowers and offered to drive her to school, it was very sweet and it thawed out her anger at him.

Though to be honest it was disappearing bit by bit after his fight with Jason, she had never had anyone go to that kind of length to protect her, she hated he got hurt but the sentiment behind it was sweet.

When it was time for the game and the opening number with the girls she was stunned to see Eddie in the back row with The Hellfire Club.

Eddie rarely if ever came to games as they usually clashed with Hellfire club, on the rare times he did they would spend most of the time after back at hers or Eddie's lost in pleasure.

When the cheerleaders performed the routine he was the loudest supporter of them all and it did make her smile, god she missed that loveable goofball.

Then things took a strange turn, Eddie disappeared for a moment and then came back with something large in his hands.

Wtf was Eddie doing? and where the hell did he get that megaphone? He stands up on the seats right at the back and begins to speak.

"I have something important I have to say and it involves a very special girl, she knows who she is and I fucked up bad, I'm so sorry y/n".

Jason fumes.

"Sit down freak!". From the stands, the Hellfire club boo him and Steve who shouts out.

"Let him speak dude!" Even Chrissy glares at Jason and the next words out of her mouth stun everyone.

"Jason, sit down and shut the fuck up". The whole place descends into stunned silence because when Chrissy Cunningham, the sweetest girl in school loses her cool you know it's best to shut the fuck up.

Eddie smiles and continues thankfully without the megaphone.

"I said some stupid shit, I panicked and didn't want you getting flack because of me and I broke your heart instead which was so dumb. I should have just owned up to how I felt instead of making you feel unwanted by me, there's no excuse princess. I fucked up and I am so sorry".

She listens to him, her heart beating so fast and she tries very hard not to cry.

"The truth is I am so in love with you princess, have been from the moment you said hi to me, I love you so much and I miss you, I fucked up and I'm sorry, if you forgive me then I will never make you doubt how I feel for you again".

"I'll love you so fucking much with everything that I am, forever. I just want you to be mine again". He finishes the speech looking nervous at her reaction.

Some girls were crying, his speech was so heartfelt that she finds herself crying too.

She walks toward him and Jason grabs her arm.

"What the fuck? You are going back with that freak after all?" She wrenches her arm away from him.

She ignores him and heads through the throng of people to Eddie who grabs her hand and gently pulls her to him.

She cups his cheek.

"I forgive you". His eyes widen and he grins in happiness.

"My slightly dramatic love confession win you, round princess?". She giggles.

"That and I miss you. I love you too Eddie, more than anything" they kiss and the Hellfire club cheer. Even some of the crowd join in.

Eddie beams and leads her out to his van he pulls her into a kiss before they head inside and it's mindblowing, fierce and full of adoration.

"I love you" he nuzzles against her neck and she sighs cuddling into him missing this, the closeness, his arms wrapped around her.

"I love you too Eds".

❤

Tags: @slasherblog @yearwalker96 @hawkinsroyaloutcast @golden-wander @idkidknemore @tlclick73 @mrsjaderogers

[sat0sugu-angst]

This is a teaser for the first part of my newest fic "A Fortunate Misunderstanding"

You can read the full first part here

MDNI

part 1 "Uninteresting"

"Hero Critic Y/n of the Daily Post says number two hero Dynamite is 'not interesting enough' to write about"

It's a splashy headline from your interview with your longtime friend and colleague Shawn Collins, and you roll your eyes when you read the tweet. "That's not even what the interview is focused on. You're misleading your audience." You scolded over the phone, even though you're trying to quell the rush of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

"It's not my fault Dynamite's fan base is so easily exploited. My editor said it would get views." You don't bother hiding your eye roll, not like he could see it anyway. "Besides, the interview was on your opinions of Japan's top heroes, and the only time you mentioned him was to say that. He's the number two hero, I have to point out the irony."

You scoff, but you're glad Shawn couldn't see the blush on your cheeks. Well, you think dryly, it's not like I could've put on the record why I really don't write about him.

"Still, you didn't have to insinuate that I thought Dynamite was uninteresting. That's not what I said."

It wasn't because you didn't see his flaws, didn't think he wasn't a hot-headed jackass, but you didn’t like feeling misrepresented. Because at the end of the day, no matter his downfalls, you felt nothing but adoration for the hero.

Well, adoration and a little bit horny, but either way, despite your reputation as a merciless hero critic, you didn't want any criticism about the number two hero to be published with your name attached. And you couldn't write praise about him either, not when you built your career on criticizing the hero industry.

"Well, people will see that when they watch the interview."

If they even bother, you think irritably. You could tell no matter what you said though, that he didn’t and wouldn't care enough about your qualms with the headline to change it. "Whatever. You're welcome for the interview." You said dryly, picking at your takeout.

"You still coming tomorrow?"

You sigh. You weren't entirely sure you wanted to get dressed up to go to the office party tomorrow, but you figured it'd be better than not going and being anti social. "Yeah, at eight, right?"

—————————————————————————————————

"Oi, Bakugo, did you see what that journalist said about you?" Denki said, approaching the bar with his phone raised.

Katsuki grunted, annoyed at his friend's obnoxious behavior. "I don't care what some extra has to say about me. Should be fucking grateful I'm so good at my job."

"Well, you may be good at it, but apparently, you're not very interesting." Mina said with a smirk a few seats down, having already seen the interview.

That caught his attention. A lot of words had been lobbed at him throughout his nearly ten year career, but uninteresting wasn't one of them. He was quiet as he took the phone from Denki, reading the headline. There it was in black and white, some journalist did think he was uninteresting. He wasn't sure why it pissed him off, that word, more than any of the other things he'd been called. No, he knew exactly why it pissed him off.

"S'not fuckin' true. What an idiot. Can't believe he gets paid to write garbage like this."

"Well, the one who wrote the article isn't the one who said it. It's the one who got interviewed."

"Who'd care to interview some idiot with this opinion?"

"Don't take it so personally, Bakugo," Kirishima said with an easy smile, clapping him on the shoulder. Bakugo made a face. "She burns all of us way more than she does you."

"Yeah, that stuff kinda hurts sometimes. I'd take uninteresting over incompetent." Denki said with a sigh.

Mina laughed. "Except everything she writes about you is true."

The two proceeded to bicker, but Bakugo was still pouting, swirling the amber liquor in his glass before finishing it off. "Whatever. If I ever see that damn reporter I'll chew her head off." He grumbled.

Kirishima let out a nervous laugh. "Watch what you say in public, Bakugo. Some people don't know when you're joking."

He was about to say he wasn't joking, that he would confront the extra who thought she was better than him, when Sero on his other side held up a picture of a woman.

"Well, this is her, if you're curious. I'd leave her alone if I were you, though. She may be a hero critic, but she has a pretty big following."

When he zeroed in on your face, it only took him a second to remember where he knew you from. His crimson eyes narrowed.

Interesting.

—————————————————————————————————

You took a sip of wine as you turned from the bar, surveying the ballroom, windows dressed in heavy golden curtains, adding a touch of extravagance that was too overstated for the office party. Though, you couldn’t turn your nose down at the open bar. Even though the event was to wine and dine Japan’s heroes, you were still surprised by how many pro heroes were here. You thought you’d even spotted Red Riot’s fiery red hair on your way over to the bar, probably the highest-ranking hero here.

After painfully dry conversation with some coworkers, you and Shawn broke off.

“How long do you think we have to stay before it’s okay to leave?” You wondered after a beat. Office parties weren’t really your thing. It was awkward, toeing the line of the you at the office and the you outside the office. You didn’t want people think that you were stiff, but one glass of wine too much and you’d end up fodder for workplace gossip.

Shawn laughed beside you. “You’ve been here less than an hour. At least put some mileage on that dress.”

You sighed, looking down at the navy evening dress. You suppose he had a point; it was expensive.

You opened your mouth to speak, when your eyes zeroed in on a hulking figure walking in your direction, crimson eyes narrowed. Your stomach dropped as Dynamite, the number two hero, approached you.

—————————————————————————————————

You can read the rest here

taglist: @asmaechan @animexholic @inumakicanrailme @justanothernpcartist

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