#but am. too tired to articulate rn so just Think abt it

[sillywebz]

imagine society if there was a meet the robinsons world in kh bbs

[lexydakitten]

ok game cvrashed and im mad about having to go on airplane tomorrow so im gonna use that as an excuse to ramble abt what im gonna 50/50 possibly do. is rift stuff. mostly just stuff im considering over rn with it. i may be a bit too tired to make sense but thats ok i dont need to👍the middle of the night is a good time to talk about creative thoughts i can articulate, myself,,.

what i KNOW im gonna do is redesign whisk . i dont think i've posted any art of him yet but his ref is the most outdated - all of them get refreshed about once a year, but his ref is from the beginning of 2022. my style has changed a lot since then and i've had some thoughts. mostly how does this man get around bc he doesn't fly, i am almost certain him being a deity probably also gives him the ability to use rift magic to his advantage in going hella fast but like. he still has places to be . he has to keep engaging in perpetual fighting for a would be eternity. well he probably has to swim, i think he could do that pretty easily, but i want to incorporate stuff that makes him able to do that . im giving him fins now they're not ahuge change. and also his split double tail is somewhat resemblant of rna strands because im in honors bio and im going to use that for artistic purposes rather than critical thinking . it fits anyway because that's what the deity of. i refer to him as life and death but death isn't even his domain, it's xeilrens (and xeilren's domain is more time itself than afterlife) hes just done so much slaughter too that i think it's honorary. via plague and famine

i've been spending some time thinking about rift magic in general recently. taken to thinking of the deities as conduits. i think something i already established awhile back was that rift magic follows the rules of cannot be created or destroyed like real world matter but also that it all channels through sg , and her antlers are a great reservoir of it, there was more depth to that but that distributed it so that it was heavy in the background of the entire world. she also directly distributes it to each deity, they get their vast quantities of magic from her, but i think they would also on a smaller scale are conduits like i just described too and some of it channels through them as well. primarily whatever magic is most adjacent to their own. i do remember i had a document awhile back where i went into depth on the kinds of rift magic, i should dig that back up because i actually was cooking with that and because thats one thing that never committed to memory. i'd rather not rethink it from scratch considering i probably have notes abt it somewhere

i was also thinking about genetic variants / morphs / whatever they're called, in rift species. there's probably plenty unique to the rift, especially due to the nature of rift magic. there's unintentionally a pattern with rift magic making things have buglike characteristics and i ended up deciding some time ago that that's actually intentional now, though i havent had a lot of time to think about why that might be advantageous. i can say that it does also contribute to really high genetic variation in areas where the magic is most concentrated, there was a particular (more boreal) biome on some of the crappy old maps where this was extremely prevalent and a major definer of it but i want to flesh that out more so it makes sense too. regardless, im thinking particularly about in animals actually with this. i had already established (designed even, for a few species) stuff kind of like morphs that were named as blessings of the respective deities, and they weren't really colors and more actual traits following a theme but i've been considering playing around with that concept more. atp im too tired to phrase that in a way that make sense but if you get me you get me trust

but like. for example you can get a creature with traits of what is currently named as terchu's blessing (not an actual blessing , it's for the traits. i named it in context that it probably would be culturally seen as one though all of these terms need to be renamed) and they get traits themed around storms. but in my mind i could take that and say there's more variation in that based on region, make it more of an actual genetics thing that a lot of species exhibit in their own way. like, they're all caused in a similar way, but in one region it might be significantly more common that if you do see it it's themed around snowstorms specifically, and in another it's more themed around droughts. OR how lakuta's version would be traits themed around light, but because light levels in the rift are weird (they're based on lakuta distributing it ! while the planet of the rift orbits a star [...itcouldbecoolerifitdidntbutnowisnotthetimeforthat] and it does get light from it, because i said so some areas dont get bright anyway. some areas will be blinding like its afternoon in the middle of summer, maybe brighter than that, even during the day, just because lakuta put a buncha light ther for a stupid long amt of time. bc it gradually fades out over time. and then another area is in perpetual dawn light levels even at the brightest point of day. in a normal rift where lakuta behaves himself the light levels are distributed evenly but in the actual rift where hes constantly getting into skirmishes it's brightest wherever he fought at last.) because those light levels are weird you could get in a region that's had high light levels for awhile, more common to see that trait as being very bright and colorful, whereas in a darker area you may get a creature that's very darkly colored but their internals are bioluminescent and glow brightly. etc. i dont think i've explained this well but it's a fairly recent idea i want to build on and draw out at some point, and it is 9 pm i am FIGHTING to articulate anything i'm typing. good for you if you've understood any of this, if i ever look back on this i probably wont lmao

its funny bc this took me like 30 minutes to type and the game still has not finished crashing. peace and love there's a problem i'm too tired to deal with it

[too-many-paper-cranes]

im going to vent some anger that i know is mostly irrational here rn. if you dont want to read that then turn back now, and please dont judge me too hard for what im going to say, but i havent been able to articulate it in a vent to any of my friends, and i just need to try to get it out, because it's lived in the back of my head for over a year now

june or july or something of 2022 was fucking awful and i remember the moment i was scrolling througb discord trying to fucking find something to take my mind off things and i clicked on some rando in hkmain's profile and their status was something along the lines of "RIP technoblade and RIP schy" and that fucking set me off. i never talked abt it, or expressed my anger to anyone else, but that made me cry so fucking hard. that was one of the trigger points but not the reason it was the amount of people i saw expressing condolences, but had only heard of schy and didn't really have a clue who they were. and it showed in a unique way you would only see in a parasocial relationship between someone who is a fan of an acquaintance of them. it feels different when you say "i lost a close friend" and someone says "im so sorry for your loss" and when you say "i lost a close friend (who was a speedrunner)" and someone who barely skimmed the leaderboard once goes "wait, schy died??? it's so horrible that the world would take such a talented person away" actually no shut the fuck up. the amount of people i saw like this over and over and over at the height of my fucking grief. do you care about the person they were? do you only care because they had a wr or something? shut up. shut up shut up shut up you didn't know them. you think you knew them because they were cool and superhuman to you but they werent and they were barely even appreciated for the person they were and they always felt that. and i am so pissed at any single thing that ever made them sad for a moment of their short life. you called them a "TAS" "WR grinding machine" or whatever the fuck but did you call them kind? caring? hardworking, smart? no the fuck you didn't because you didn't see them as a person. that's my friend you're talking about. fuck you. a few days ago someone replying to a comment i made on some other runner's channel asked me "how did he die". you don't even know their pronouns. you don't even know who they are. the video talks abt their runs but doesn't talk abt them. you learned nothing from this video and your first thought isn't "im so sorry" or to appreciate anything i said abt them as a friend but to misgender them and blatantly ask me to describe what happened. no tact, no sympathy nothing. do you have absolutely no shame? how about it's none of your fucking business? shut up. let them be a person. i asked fire to remove the comment and he did (thank you fire) but despite that little moment ending well i am still pissed and so tired. the insensitive words are gone forever but how many more will replace them now? how much more shit like this am i going to have to see? i don't want people to stop talking abt them i want them to be remembered forever and ever but not like this. this isn't what they wanted. this isn't what i want. im tired. fuck you.

[thermie]

h h hewwo owoo 22 / 23 / 29 / 31 / 34 / 50 / 58 / 61 / 88 in any order, and u can also just. pick only those that u want :3

hhhh-ewwwo? I did say I wanted to chat and I desperately do not want to do work or studies so buckle in for a long post (derogatory). 22. role model? Oh man, I don’t think I have any, like, specific ones for entire things, though I do fall in my hero-worship phaes and then fall out of them like everyone else. I think that taking an entire person and being like I wanna be like them is... not for me though. But I do look up to some people for specific things - I look up to, weirdly enough, Abigail Phylosohpytube who I didn’t watch before her coming out for her graceful coming out video though she admits that the experience wasn’t obviously as smooth. I look up to lots and lots of people for their ability to create and their art (not gonna tag my fav artists bc am tiny and do not want people to look at me, but i do be reblogging). I look up to people like ConcernedApe Stardewvalley and Supergiantgames Hades for their ability to put so much soul in their work, smth I aspire to do. I look up to @not-poignant for, among other things, their idk how to say it best, wisdom in understanding and communicating with others and with myself? I’ve learned a lot by just sort of being in their periphery and seeing how they articulate their thoughts and choose to be kind and witness other’s pain. Hell, I look up to twitch streamers and youtubers sometimes (the recent nice trait I’d like to have if I ever went into bigger content production is how ibxtoycat deals with parasocial relationship realities). 23. strange habits? Hm. I don’t think drinking tea whenever I need a pick-me-up is strange, that’s just probably forcefully assigning a British nationality to me. I think my insistence on misspelling words in a way I think is lowkey funny might be one, I say thamks bc it feels softer, or thank bc it’s funny, I say sleeb, I say finkers or tryink or otherwise replace g with k for lulz. I also don’t know if it counts as a habit but I have a small leather band around my wrist that’s been there for a year soon. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I probs have like, stranger habits but I can’t recall rn. 29. best way to bond with you? Hmm. Well, if you show initiative and are explicit about wanting to spend time with me, that’s already a big chance of me spending time with you. And then if our interests match and I don’t think that you’re like, young in a way that automatically puts me in a position where I don’t feel comfortable really being myself around you bc in my head I have to look out for you (it has happened with two of my friends, sigh), and we regularly spend time together, voila, friend acquired. It simultaneously doesn’t take much and takes a bit to be my friend and bond with me - it’s easy af to become a casual friend cuz I’m always open to new people, but there has to be a level of trust to become like, a close friend. Respecting my boundaries, talking shit with me, being explicitly committal about wanting to bond with me are big steps that way. 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? Uh, I don’t do neither, but a current fave that is reasonably badass is my black tshirt with like, a ritual circle and a deer skull. V edgy, 10/10. I also used to have like a real edgy tshirt with a jester and some dice that said the game of life, but I threw it out bc dysphoria. or maybe I put it at the back of my closet along with one other shirt In Case I Get Top Surgery so I can wear them then. 34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? Many, such is the nature of advertising, alas. I have managed to avoid most of it tbh though, so the only place I am forced to sit through ads so they stick is my scrabble capitalist nightmare app where I play and always beat haha my coursemate. And they have adds for those shitty apps where you have to solve a puzzle that ends up failing in the add and like, drenching a man in green goo. I find those kinda fascinating tbh. Who plays these games? Who plays these shitty shitty games whose ad has to be “prove your IQ“ to make you want to prove yourself to play them? Oh and also, the insidious nature of ads in media I consume - the mcelroys have gotten me informed about many many things bc they do it in a funny way. Have you heard about squarespace? What about meundies? I also literally installed honey yesterday that I knew abt bc of the relentless adds and I wanted to save, uh, 2.50 from my minecraft server purchase (and then spent some time googling how they make money before giving up. just say u sell my data, that’s easier than not knowing what part of this makes you money). I was tired and in a weird mood, ok. 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? It’s always the stupidest jokes, what matters more is laughing together with someone and getting caught in a laughing loop. I still remember laughing with my siblings until our stomachs really really hurt bc I think one of us said a rug was vomit-colored and it was funny in the moment. How many times have I laughed like that with you too, vit. I know that Laura’s one is nostrilatu, right? :D :D It’s just something that catches you off guard, I think.

58. four talents you’re proud of having? Oh shid. Hm. 1) My ability to analyze data and understand the basic building blocks of something. Makes me cool at studying and sexy at explaining things to my course-mates. 2) Not a talent more like a skill that I’ve worked hard on through therapy - but my inner positive voice/healthy parent is very strong and automatic (something I was sure would never happen). A good example is me going out for a walk, my phone dying so I can’t listen to music, when I went in my head “well I can always make music in my head. do-do-do *drum sound*“ and I could feel the wave of self-reprimand cresting but before I could actually hear any negative comments the positive voice said with a light of a thousand suns NO THAT IS ACTUALLY CUTE AND SEXY and just haaaaaaah. 3) I sing good. Need to sing more. 4) I think I’m good at making conversation. Even with people I don’t necessarily like or want to talk to. More of a skill again but whatever. 61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? Do not come to me and ask for favorites, witch. Uh, I have some quotes in my notes app, like 7 from Pia’s writing :D. But imma go with “It’s a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world“ by Mary Oliver. It counts, ok. Or, wait, something I will for real one day either crosstitch of commission shitpostcalligrapher: “t’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. “What are we holding onto Sam?” “There’s good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.“” 88. your greatest wish? Hrm. Right now? To have like a couple days with no responsibilities and without the outside world bearing on me as heavily, to be tiny tiny tiny so I’m invisible and can drink tiny tea on a tiny leaf. Uh, in general? My recently formulated wish or a goal is stability/peace. Then everything else becomes ok because you can bounce back to stable ground between feeling shit or everything happening so much. And I’ve sort of reached that. Also like, half a million euros would be nice too so I can get a house and a car and go on a few trips abroad. :D // there’s two ask memes in my blog recently, go wild

[hematomes]

how dare u insult me /j we’ll have to settle this with a duel /hj

YEAH NO THE THREE STARS ARE V USABLE ASIDE FROM BASE ATTACK?? points at skyrider which has an er stat and had been carrying since pre-sac sword tbh

FINALLY SOMEONE AGREES WITH ME LIKE. SHE DOES NOT HAVE A PERSONALITY OKAY . she could’ve been so strong and amazing BUT NO. like if i ever read fairy tail fanfic at some point im gonna find one where lucy gets to be an actual person bc jfc i despise her in canon. and i ALSO HATED THAT SHIP BC JUST?? LIKE SHE HAS NOTHING TO ADD BC OF HOW BLAND SHE IS JFC And ur right lisanna is pretty <3

speaking of fairy tail i was thinking of writing my theory ending into existence but in a genshin thing bc. it’s too painful to waste and kaeya might be a good fit for the story line, lore-wise . hmm

HELP AJSJDJD PLS i don’t want sukuna anywhere near me i. i don’t have ur tendencies dear /lh

I LOVED THAT SO MUCH AJSJDJD mechamaru and panda’s fight also i. ugh :( <3 AND YES MIWA VS MAKI WAS SO GOOD? and the . listen the bonds the female characters have. im gonna cry. also maki and mai. FUCK THAT HIT ME WAY TOO HARD. LIKE I JUST. sobs. i cannot articulate like,, that reached into my guts and just twisted,, i. dies

MEI EXISTS AND SUDDENLY IM DYING. UTAHIME EXISTS AND IM SUDDENLY DEAD.

pls ur skrunkly coward man

ah that’s fair the hype around him did make me go. ??? bc like he’s neat but? i?? nanami tho. NANAMI CAN HAVE MY ENTIRE HEART I LOVE HIM DEEPLY

i just have to throw milk at u and you'll shrivel up and die. that's how lactose intolerant people react i think

ZBDJZ I HAVE THE SKYRIDER AND YES... i need to give it to aether bc he would benefit more from er than crit rn. yum

EXACTLYYYY SHE'S JUST... here i guess. and it's infuriating bc she's so important to the story, especially at the beginning + with the whole dark guilds and shit. yet???? she gives us nothing. just an aftertaste of complete void

zbdja hara why do u like hurting so much . /j

PLS SUKUNA IS SO... he's one of the very few ppl who make me go "am i truly ace" . yells he's just so hot and completely insane and would treat me like utter garbage but whatever. THO CHOSO. WOULD BE NICE I THINK. he's actually... mh <33 and he's so pretty. he looks like a pathetic wet dog. would give him shelter on a rainy night. would also give him my entire being

MECHAMARU'S ENTIRE CHARACTER IS...!!!!!! AAAA I WANT TO. GIVE HIM A HEALTHY BODY. he just wants to go on a date with miwa ok yes they should. they need to go on a date. i. please it's the only thing that could cure my depression

ZBDJZ OMG YEA MAKI AND MAI I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF HOW IT'S AFFECT U.... i rewatched the anime a few days ago and i had forgotten abt. how mai was feeling when maki left the clan like... my heart

mei. mei could do anything id be like <333 she's just being silly <33 she could rip someone's arm off and id cheer in the background like go girl!!!! im right behind!!! supporting women's rights but more importantly women's wrongs. same w utahime but with a side of me barking /j

EXACTLY LIKE... ok, he's cool, but please chill... even the author hates him ZBSJ HE KEEPS SAYING IT AND IT'S SO FUNNY gege my beloved . what did u expect. nanami is such a good character and... idk if u know... but his jp voice... is also dainsleif's...... <333 kenjiro tsuda, carrying the entire "tired dad/tortured pathetic guy" aesthetic

[ariyadaivaris]

hey ive been trying to figure out how to do this for awhile and since some anons have asked im gonna try 2 articulate my feelings about f*nn and this is not going to be very polite and im sorry, its nothing personal and if you have a perspective on him that i dont its fine and i absolutely get you and im glad you can enjoy that! i just wanted to try and work through how the fuck i feel about him and this is ultimately a pretty personal post and not a Manifesto on How F*nn Is Bad (i dont think he is, particularly, ftr), so like, if youre not interested which I CANNOT FAULT YOU FOR AT ALL, just know that its cool to go on! this isn’t trying to start shit or anything, i genuinely dont want to, im just writing this for Me, basically. its alright. 

thanks thats the intro done okay take care i love u

what...does f*nn have even. he’s good in the ring but he’s surrounded by people who are better. he doesn’t have a character. what motivates him? what the fuck is he even fighting for? what is his personality, even? he absorbs the storylines of everyone around him in any feud he does too often for him to be as underdeveloped as he is and yet we are here and WHY???

i mean. apollo. let’s look at apollo! apollo is similarly kinda underdeveloped character-wise and most of who he is comes from who he is irl, and people don’t really play characters up irl! but like. it’s not glaring in the same way f*nn is, because

1) apollo got called up SUPER SUPER EARLY in nxt where f*nn had YEARS to develop a character and still holds a spot as longest reigning nxt champion, and

2) apollo plays a support role! he’s not a main event player (which is fucking criminal in and of itself but thats another issue) and him being underdeveloped+not as fleshed out lends itself pretty well to him supporting people however they need support at the moment. it’s not Ideal but it works well for who he is in the context of story stuff, which is not the case for f*nn

(also 3 secretly but apollo’s moveset is actually really varied and interesting which f*nn’s is...not but that’s a subjective thing obviously lol)

like. f*nn is just. such a nothing of a wrestler. i’m sorry but genuinely i don’t know or understand what there is there. he doesn’t have a character besides...vagueing people on twitter until he gets what he wants and yes okay i know that’s not an entirely true unbiased thing to say and im sorry but also i dont think im exactly Wrong

(also about vaguing people on twitter i know that has something to do with how bad his 2017 booking was, i WON’T deny that, and multiple people are booked badly in dubya at once and they all deserve more than that, but also f*nn’s the only person who really got any rage on his behalf as far as i’ve seen and it’s definitely affected my feelings about that)

the only thing he’s got going for him is a storied history in new japan, which itself feels lacking in the ring, and which honestly...gets...a lot more credit than deserved (and mostly SOLO credit at that)? he DID create the bullet club but his bullet club was essentially an entire stable of Foreigner Heels. cheap heat. any story he told (and i only know that there was apollo 55, im unaware of any other feuds, so bear that in mind) feels so...like...secondary to that of anyone he worked with. he could be a support role and get away with being the white bread he is but GOD FORBID that should happen, and so he just engulfs the story of anyone around him and does nothing and it’s just

it’s disappointing and its boring and exhausting to see him get shot after shot after shot doing the same thing over and over again because He Can. i have nothing much against him, i think he’s petty and petulant and very...self-absorbed, like, not in an entirely bad way but in the sense that he buys a lot of his own hype? and its...off-putting. i don’t know him personally though obviously, that’s just how i feel about him based on what ive seen, but like, as a person, its whatever. i just can’t stand him as a wrestler or a character. he’s generic and unmotivated and so. NOTHING and it’s exhausting to watch and try to make something meaningful and enjoyable out of. especially juxtaposed with the miz rn, and even with s*th, who i hate but who at least HAS a personality even if it’s a genuinely awful one

not even going into the fan reception of f*nn vs anyone else who’s more deserving and interesting than he is, lmao, i’m bitter as anything about how f*nn is treated compared to the cruiserweights because NATURALLY and OBVIOUSLY i’m biased, you all know this, i don’t deny it, i cant say this comparison is all the way fair when im so so so FUCKING cwuisewweights, but like, the reaction to f*nn getting Beachballed vs any of the 205 dudes getting Beachballed was so heartbreaking in how much More he gets just for the name he’s got

i don’t know. i don’t know. i just think he’s such a nothing of a character, surrounded by people (taguchi, joe, kevin, hideo, FUCK IT, even s*th or like, fucking, KENNY, or the young bucks, or ANYONE) who really care about the character and story they have against him, and instead of being relegated to a supporting role where he’d be like, Worth anything, he’s thrust into whatever title picture or main event there is because He’s F*nn B*lor and it’s so...so much less talked about or acknowledged and for the life of me i don’t understand why. i don’t know what it is im missing

again, i don’t have much against him as a person, i personally don’t like how he acts but he doesn’t seem Proublematique in any way beyond...the foreigner heel stuff which is inherently built in anti-japan sentiment EVEN THOUGH that is strictly kayfabe afaik (though he does fucken. support the special olympics and did some Cool Trendy Straitjacket Entrances as prince nevitt and that is a very VERY personal thing i have against him) i guess that’s what matters. i just. ugh. im over it

i appreciate him being vocally supportive of queer fans but i don’t owe him for that and i still think it sucks that he, a (as far as i know) straight white dude, is getting the platform to do that instead of people who are actually queer and out in the same company. sonya isn’t getting this chance, and more blatantly, darren never got that chance. despite having the block the hate movement, and despite the fact that his coming out is what got him a face turn while it was ENTIRELY and COMPLETELY unacknowledged in the canon universe of wwe proper. like, i guess that’s not f*nn’s fault but there’s a common trend of men of color being pushed down to boost him up and it’s not the best. i don’t think that’s all his fault but i don’t like it

again this isn’t like, denouncing Liking F*nn, its fine! this isnt decrying everything about him, i don’t wanna fight about this, and if you like finn, sincerely i’m glad you can find something there to like and i hope you’re having a good time with him! and to boot i really DON’T know much about anything he did before dubya, and so i could very well be wrong about everything. like, calling the gullet blub just a Cheap Heat Stable? that interpretation could be and probably is wrong. i know that, and i know that’s probably gonna affect how i feel abt him, but also god i do not care even a bit enough to learn and i would rather die than look at pr*nce nevitt/gullet blub anything

i dont know. i hope this didnt come off as.......TOO shitty, i know this is a stupid and mostly impenetrable post, its alright, this is just me trying to work through this for myself and i promise its not like...a huge thing. thats all! thats all. im sorry if i worded this weird at all and i know my perspective isnt the best or most informed on this, but also i am very very tired of f*nn and i don’t think that’s an unfair thing to say