#but also... I don't want to gush about it too much and potentially push away other Fue fans

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Heyo 💘 For the ship game, how about Nozel x Vanessa, Yosuga x Mereoleona and (thinks about something outside of the box) Magna x Rebecca? I would have also asked for Fuegoleon x Solara, but since you've already answered them. Except of course if you want to talk some more ;)

Hiya~! ^^

Ooo! Hmm...

Nozel x Vanessa

(Kinda) doesn't make sense (??) and ... doesn't (??) compel me ??

Like.... I feel bad typing that, but it's not something for which I'd write a fic if I was not prompted to do that, if it makes sense? As in, if it wasn't requested, I wouldn't make content for it, so I can't say that it compels me in that essence. But I can't say that I'd dislike it either, because I do write fics for it it, and I absolutely don't mind writing fics for it. It's just not a love relationship for me with this ship. The reason why I say that it wouldn't make sense, is that I don't think they've really interacted in canon, and I'm still struggling to piece in my head how they'd get together. As in, usually, if I'm writing for a ship, and I have it established (at least in my head) how a ship came to be, then I have an easier time with picturing how the ship operates.

Overall I don't mind the ship, it's just not something that I love for me. (But I am also very biased for Nozel being shipped with my mutuals' OCs... ^^')

Vanessa is the flirty one, and Nozel is the stern one. But they're also birds in cages. Only that Vanessa has broken out, Nozel hasn't, not really at least (yet). So, while I say that it doesn't make sense, there are absolutely thematics to both of them that work with this ship.

They're just two birds from two very different cages.

Yosuga x Mereoleona

Makes sense and compels me

She's the firey lion woman and he's the tiger man. They could (probably) take each other on in a fight, and though I think Yosuga would lose, he would not be sorry for losing.

I know, I know, this ship is kinda hinted at in canon, but I can just see these two locking eyes and saying "you. fight me." after which (the brawl) they'd build mutual respect, and from there on a relationship.

For me, this ship just works, for some reason. And Mereo would wife Yosuga.

Magna x Rebecca

makes sense and doesn't compel me

I can see Magna settling down in some point, and being the good guy, the Real Man(tm) that he is, I can see him being a Family Man(tm). And Rebecca, while having to have looked after her younger siblings, is Motherly(tm). So, I can see these two working out.

It wouldn't be a particularly fun paring, but it kinda does make sense. However, I'm not particularly interested in it. It's just another personal preference. But overall, I'm neutral towards this ship as well.

[mushiimune]

when was the first time you watched newsies and what made you love it? :)

God I don't even remember anymore😭 I'm SOOOO OLLLLDDDUHHHHHH

I do remember that livesies was what first pulled me in. I remember scrolling tumblr endlessly and absorbing the art of crystallizedtwilight. "I want to draw like that," I thought, "I want to captivate an audience like that with my visions of these characters that I love."

I fantasized always about how great my art could be if I really pushed myself. About how much I wanted to gush about these things that I love and have strangers gush with me, drawn in by the work I put out there.

and through my tumblr escapades, I spotted the first mentions of 92sies.

"NOTHING WILL EVER COMPARE TO NEWSIES BROADWAY!" I thought

I HATED newsies 1992 at first. I HATED IT I thought it sucked and was totally lame and for losers! what is this monstrosity which I see before me? an unabashed fest of loserdom completely taking my favorite characters and unraveling them to neutral tone Guys???

but I started to dwell on 92sies. I started to think more about the changes to the story, the characters, how this one came first. something about it just captivated me. it captivates so many. and to some it may seem like just a silly box office flop about a 19th century strike that happens to include Christian Bale, but it's so much more, isn't it?

it's a story of courage and adversity. it shines a light in the dark where no one else in history ever really cares to look. the characters were so HUMAN. there were quiet and solemn moments, stakes that had you on the edge of your seat, and such strangely witty and period-typical dialogue that never really made it to Broadway.

there's delusion, there failure. there's wanting something to be real so badly in a time where hope ran short that Jack tried to weld fiction and reality together. there's higher stakes and realer danger, strikebreakers were so much scarier and Snyder made my skin crawl.

David had so much more depth. He wasn't just some shy goody two shoes, he was boyish and loquacious, just looking for a place he fit in to really open up and reach his potential. he was rough and tough and jumped into the battle feet first to fight for justice. we meet his parents, we meet his family, and we watch Jack softly sing Santa Fe on the fire escape.

There's so much longing. There's so much reaching out, hoping for another hand to reach back and be there to break your fall. There's no trust on the streets, but there is. They're not brothers or blood, but they're here together, and that's what matters.

There's no leader. The only thing that Jack wears to stand out from the rest of the newsies is his bandana. His dream puts him apart from the rest– rather than sticking around and working with what he was given, he wanted nothing more than to run away. A testament to what he'd been doing for all his life, running and hiding from the demons out to get him.

...and then David comes along, and teaches Jack courage. Maybe... if David can stand up for himself, so can he.

It's not that Jack has "nothing to stay for"... he's too scared to stay. What he doesn't have in New York is PEACE. And David gives that to him.

TLDR: I found newsies through Tumblr and I love the wordless lessons they teach through characters' actions and the story of triumph it tells even when the very circumstances of your birth are against you also historical fiction ftw

this was so fucking long I'm so sorry anon you didn't deserve this once I started writing I just couldn't stop.... . . . .

[violetren]

Aether Chapter 26

My "I'm gonna be annoyed at Sierra" senses are tingling.

At least Maggie got a cute peck on the cheek from Varsha first.

Revenge? REVENGE!? EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!? THE AUDACITY! THE ENTITLEMENT!

I have a mighty need for Maggie to give Chance the nod to get Eurion to punch Stupidhead.

Fucking revenge... I was right. I am annoyed at Sierra.

At this point I could probably write a fucking essay on why it's not just reasonable but healthy and better in just about every fucking way that Maggie chose Varsha over Sierra. It's probably get to like paragraph 8 before it even touched on the fact that Sierra is in a highly unstable trauma induced transitory period of her life and should not be trying to date anyone. Fucking hell. I think at this point I'm closer to thinking of her the way Maggie would think of Garrett (not wanting to be too mean because she's someone Maggie loves, and therefore giving her more credit that she's fucking due).

"She lets me be selfish" is a very interesting way of "she reminds me I have choices and encourages me to do what will be right for me and doesn't try to push me into making decisions that would suit her" but you know what basically everyone who ever puts on a supersuit and means it has this kind of thinking when it comes to letting themselves be happy so I can't even pretend to be surprised, or exasperated over it.

I live in desperate hope that Maggie will be the straw that breaks the camels back and gets Ashley to just fucking talk to Hannah already.

I kinda wonder if Maggie actually needed the heads up about Chance's pronouns. I mean... I guess a big part of Digilife is being someone else, but Chance could put their pronouns there or let slip to Maggie as they got closer online. Idk. Still nice of Ashley to give the heads up even though they're technically already friends since this is kind of a paradigm shit for them.

I'm gonna blame this on playing Synth Riders with some suprise custom songs earlier this evening, but probable hologram Change was just spotted talking to Fractal and a little gremlin voice went "oh Hatsune Miku style" followed by another thought slipping in like a wizened elder gremlin smacking the other with a stick to go "Like the Voyager EMH you heathen." Wild experience since both are pretty well valid comparisons but the important part is actually CHANCE CAN VISUALLY MANIFEST INDEPENDENTLY OF NAOMI AND TALK WITHOUT EVERYONE FEELING LIKE THEY ARE ON A PHONE CALL!

I love this for them.

It is of great comfort to me that Jia Li is consistently a flirty shit stirrer and genuinely hilarious that Eurion stands there grumping over the fact that Jia Li gets away with it when she doesn't.

There is so much good banter (and general dialogue and a decent bit of description) here that is doing a fantastic job of drawing relationship lines, (re)establishing character personalities, and showing how these people fit in a space that I cannot possibly gush over all of it and get to bed in time to be up for work in the morning. But I did want to say it was all awesome and I was delighted to finally see Maggie meet not just Chance, but Naomi, Anika, Jia Li, and Emilia. And she even managed to be so distracted as to not immediately have a gay meltdown over Emilia! Good on her!

Maggie is about to have a VERY full schedule, but she's going to have EXCELLENT company. Also the potential variety of "hot for teacher" jokes that I might get to make (if in world characters don't make them first) as she trains with Varsha is great.

It's very secondary to wanting to see Maggie become a competent ass kicker and kiss Varsha some more, but I think it would be cool af to see Hannah stop by for some of these training sessions and just be cool with Chance and Naomi (both much more open and out about their trans/nontraditional gender status) and just blow that "what if she isn't accepting" fear of Ashley's right out of the water in text.

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter Six

Chapter Six

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: slight smut** angst, spencer's overthinking and anxiety, passing out, plot twist, very understanding reader, happy ending, smut implied but not graphic

word count: 6.2K

from the beginning <3

Derek and Savannah planned to come over on Sunday morning to introduce Hank and Amoreena, his namesake and his honorary daughter meeting felt very important to him.

Y/N and he spent the morning cleaning up the house, making sure all the books were away and the coffee was on so when they pulled in at 11 for brunch they’d be ready.

Amoreena was beyond excited at the idea of a 16th cousin, not knowing about Henry or Michael yet either, bringing her total to 18 cousins.

Spencer learned something new about them and the farm every single day he was there. Which he expected, it had been 8 days and he was all but moved in. They joked just that morning about them moving too fast, shrugging it off and living their lives anyway.

Derek and Savannah were one of the sweetest couples Spencer knew. They had a love he admired, it also blossomed fast and stayed strong through everything Derek went through.

Derek was always going to be his rock, someone he loved deeply and cherished more than he could ever explain to anyone. More than a brother, a long-lost lover, a confidant, his best friend in the whole world. If he could live through everything he’s been through and still be happy, so could Spencer.

Amoreena is out the door and meeting them before Y/N and Spencer are even aware they pulled in. “Hey little lady, I’m your uncle Derek,” he can hear Derek’s sweet voice that he only uses with kids.

They walked out onto the porch to see Amoreena shaking both their hands before asking if Savannah needed help carrying her purse. Ever the little helper, she intended on making the best introduction to her new family members.

“Spence, this place is amazing!” Savannah gushed as she pulled him into a hug, and then Y/N, “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“You too! You’re all so pretty, holy cow,” she swoons, “what does the FBI put in the water over there?”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s running off over here too,” Spencer compliments Y/N right back.

Derek gives Y/N the biggest hug he’s ever seen, “you are my new bestie, anyone who loves Reid as much as me is a keeper.”

“I like this one, Savannah you have good taste,” Y/N teases, holding Derek in her embrace.

“We got the best guys the bureau had to offer and stole them away,” she laughed, wrapping an arm around Spencer as they turned to see Hank.

“Well, someone had to put them to good use,” Y/N had an arm wrapped around Derek too, slipping into Spencer’s life effortlessly.

Hank was almost 5, it blew Spencer’s mind to think that Derek had been a father for 5 years now. He was the sweetest little guy, holding Amoreena’s hand as the two of them walked up the stairs.

They had sandwiches and muffins in the garden, everything was homemade and grown on the farm. It was a life Spencer was excited to get used to, they even made their own cheese and wine in the summer for the farmers market.

Every time he learned a new detail about this place it got more perfect.

Hank loved the goats, he crawled right in with Amoreena and sat down in the mud. Petting the babies and letting all the mamma goats nibble at his hat as they got close. He giggled and screamed, petting all of them nicely as Amoreena told him all their names.

Derek was very quick to pick out a cowboy hat and pretend he was southern, trying out his fake accent and making Savannah laugh as they explored the farm, skipping through the fields and kissing in the grass. They were just as in love as Spencer and Y/N, they all got along like couples who have been friends since college.

Like this had been their life all along, nothing about it felt new. It just felt right.

Everything about her fit into his life like she was handcrafted for it, picked and polished before set in a box and hidden away from the world. She was a collector's item and he was a collector, keeping her close and never letting her go. He knew her worth, but the feeling she produced in his heart was better than anything in the world.

Before they know it, it’s almost 3 and Hank is about to fall asleep in the grass as Amoreena reads him a story. Derek and Savanah are laying back on a blanket half-listening as they watch the clouds. Spencer and Y/N doing the same.

It’s wonderful, he makes eye contact with Derek while running his fingers through Y/N’s hair. He just smiles at Spencer, prouder he can even express.

“I think it’s about time we head out,” Derek cuts into the peacefulness of their day.

“We’ll be back, and often,” Savannah laughs, “I’m going to hide here from the hospital, you don’t have service right?”

“Not if you turn it off and leave it in the car,” Y/N laughed too, pulling Savannah into a hug and walking with her towards the house. Best friends in the making, it was going to be trouble for him and Derek, exciting, but frightful at the same time.

Savannah excuses herself to the bathroom before they leave, Spencer offers to help Derek carry his tired little toddler to the car so they can talk. He was excited to hear Derek's thoughts about the day, proud of the life he could introduce them to.

“Can I ask you a serious question?” Derek finally cut into their quiet walk to the car with a very serious tone.

“Sure,” Spencer nodded vigorously, a little nervous.

“Do you remember when we lost that bet in 2008?” Derek started, “JJ and Emily were saying it wasn’t fair, that we were hogging all the sexiness and smarts and we should just donate sperm to help the population?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you actually do it?” Derek watches Spencer’s mind wandering as he recalls everything.

He has donated sperm twice in his life, keeping it between him and Derek the first time, telling no one about it the second time. The first was when JJ got pregnant with Henry, teasing him that he should make more geniuses in the world. Emily was even considering having a baby on her own back then before everything with Doyle went down.

The second time was after Maeve died in 2013 when he realized that he might not ever get to actually be a dad.

Donating again purely in the hopes that in 18 years someone would find him in search of a connection with their birth father. It seemed like the only way he’d be able to be a father one day, and that was right around the time Amoreena would have been conceived if she’s 7 now.

Spencer looks at him with wide eyes, “you think she’s mine?”

“Without a doubt,” he whispers, stopping to put Hank in his car seat and give Spencer some time to panic.

“She’s not mine,” Spencer keeps shaking his head, so hard that Derek is worried it might fall off as he panics, “she can’t be, that would be insane. No way, no I’m not even going to pretend she is. Nope.”

Derek places his hand on Spencer’s shoulder to calm him, “do you know who her father is?”

“No,” he whispers as he closes his eyes, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “She tells people that Amoreena is her fiancé Stephens, no one really questions that she had her 2 years after he died, but Y/N doesn’t even know who her father is.”

“That’s a serious conversation you need to have with her, regardless, she deserves to know you’ve possibly got other geniuses walking around out there.”

Spencer felt his anxiety dump adrenaline into his blood, making him sweat and panic as he turned around in circles a few times. He looked physically drained, not know what the fuck to do moving forward.

“I can’t go talk to her right now while Amoreena is there,” Spencer panicked as Derek finally closed the door, Hank was all situated and ready to go.

“I can bring you home?” Derek offered, “go get your things and tell her that you have to go.”

“Okay,” he whispered, trying to calm down enough to face her.

Walking back up to her house felt like it took forever, even passing savannah as he all but ran, stepping inside the house to see Amoreena reading on the couch while Y/N was in the kitchen, whistling happily, waiting for him to come back.

Amoreena looked up at him with a smile, “are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine,” he lied with a fake smile. “I actually have to go, Derek needs help with something at his place and I’ll be back later for dinner, okay?”

“Awe,” Y/N’s voice travelled from the kitchen to where he was, she walked into the room with an apron on and a towel in her hands. “I was hoping you’d help me make a pie.”

“I’m sorry, hun, I’ll be back soon,” he assured her, “I love you guys.”

“Love you, Dad,” Amoreena smiled, before returning to her book.

Every time she called him dad it made his heart stop, but that one made his breathing stop too, he struggled to swallow as he turned his attention to Y/N approaching him.

Y/N gave him a big hug and then he was gone, running down the driveway and hopping in Derek's car as fast as he could. Still overthinking everything, his mind memorizing every look on Amoreena’s face and trying to see if there was any proof in her being his.

There was a lot. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, he didn’t want to think about that at all. She was his regardless, no DNA test would change how he loved her. He was more afraid of Y/N’s reaction to finding out.

Savannah didn’t ask what was going on, leaving him and Derek to be as weird and cryptic as they always were together. Looking out the window quietly as Spencer had a panic attack in the back seat.

He convinced Derek to drop him off at the clinic where he donated the sperm both times. Still absolutely pissed off with himself that one of the biggest decisions of his life was the one he forgot about, wanting to know if he could find out anything about his potential offspring.

“Sir, I’m so sorry,” the nice receptionist tried her best to stay calm as Spencer rushed through his dilemma.

“Only a child can learn who their father was when they turn 18, if they choose to contact you it’s up to them. You agreed to that when you donated.”

“You can’t even tell me how many kids I have out there?” He tried to reason with her, “I’m in the FBI surely you can make an exception for me it’s not like I'm going to stalk the kids, I just want to know if one’s going to contact me one day,” he tried everything to get her to open up.

“What’s your name?”

“Spencer Reid.”

She stood and walked into the back, opening a cabinet full of records and pulling one out. She opened it, running a finger along with the document as she read it over.

“You have four offspring so far, none of the other samples used have produced a child, the women were all IVF as well so it wasn’t your swimmer's fault; if you wanted to donate again,” she read him all the facts and somehow it just made him panic more.

Y/N’s voice echoing in his mind, “after I did IVF.” She said those words. He heard them. She didn’t know the father. His name wasn't on the sample. It was anonymous. Everything caught up to him at that moment.

“Thank you,” he whispered, white as a ghost as he tried to turn away, dropping to the floor and passing out instead.

When he woke up, he was somehow back in Derek’s car on the way back to his apartment. Hank and Savannah nowhere to be seen, the radio on low as Derek paid attention to the road. It was quiet, he didn’t even know Spencer was awake again until he sighed.

He didn’t say anything to Derek, instead, taking out his phone and texting Y/N.

Spencer: Hey, something serious came up. I won't be able to come back till after bedtime and then I need to tell you something important that might make you very mad at me.

Y/N: you’re going to make me go grey being this ominous

Spencer: I’m sorry, but it’s going to be a lot to explain.

Y/N: should I get wine or something harder ready to listen?

Spencer: Honestly, I’m not even sure yet.

Y/N: cant wait… love you?

Spencer: I love you too, don’t forget that!

Y/N: as long as you don’t either ♥︎

—

He pulled up to Y/N’s house at 9:30, knowing that Amoreena would be well asleep by then. Unbothered by any crying or yelling that could arise from the news he had to share with her mother.

He was terrified to tell her but he needed to. Relationships only work with communication and he knew that, respecting her and loving her enough to do anything in his power to keep her in his life.

He walked inside to see the lights all off, heading around the back of the house to see her in the garden with a drink, surrounded by little lights twinkling as she listened to her favourite Taylor Swift album, he wasn’t shocked in the slightest to find her like that.

“Hey,” he announced himself to her so she wouldn’t be startled.

Her smile warms his heart and clears the butterflies from his stomach for a quick moment, “hey cutie, did you want me to warm up some dinner for you?”

“No thank you,” he shook his head softly, standing by the gate and not wanting to get too close. “I need to tell you something and you might get really mad at me.”

“Alright,” she sat up straighter, hands on her knees as she played with the material of her jeans.

“I donated sperm as a joke in 2008, but then again in January of 2013 when my girlfriend died because I thought it would be the only way to maybe have a kid find me one day when they turned 18. I never thought I’d get to have a family after Maeve died,” the words fell out of his mouth and onto the patio.

“Oh my god,” was all she said, eyes wide and mouth open, she was completely still.

“I went to the clinic and they won't tell me who my kids are, apparently there are four of them so I have no idea if it’s Amoreena or not and I’m just so sorry for not telling you. I honestly forgot, and I don’t normally forget. After everything that’s happened to me, I just forgot, I’m sure it looks like I found you on purpose or something but I assure you that I didn’t,” he wasn’t sure why he was just dumping all these thoughts on her when he hadn’t even thought them through, but they wouldn’t stop.

“There’s only one way to find out,” she shrugged then, smiling at his confused face. “We have more and see if they look like her.”

“You’re kidding?”

“No,” she shook her head, “I’d never joke about making another Amoreena, that would be amazing.”

“You’re not mad?” He blinked at her a few times, wondering if he heard her wrong, twice.

“Why would I be mad at the fact that you might be her real father and the reason she’s the smartest person on earth? She’s literal walking sunshine, am I supposed to be mad you could give her fully biological siblings? I wanted your babies even if she wasn’t yours,” Y/N paused, eyebrows raised as she made her point.

“If I’m supposed to be mad about you completing our family then I’m furious,” she laughed as she stood up, walking over to wrap her arms around him.

“Even if you’re not her father, you’re always going to be her dad,” she whispered as she reached him.

He looked down into her eyes, the most beautiful and caring woman in the world, cuddled into his chest in the middle of paradise. He couldn’t help but laugh, it was insane how easy it was to love her.

“I love you,” he reminded her.

She pulled him down into a kiss, holding her hand on his cheek lightly as he pressed his lips to hers. She rested her forehead on his as they parted, “I love you more.”

“Doubt it,” he teased her with a smile, pulling her in closer and lifting her up into his arms.

“Where are we going?” She giggled.

“Where would you like to go, Princess? This is your kingdom after all.”

The biggest, most suspicious grin appeared on her face then, “put me down,” she instructed and he followed. Setting her down and feeling her grab his hand instead.

She led him inside the house and up the stairs, placing her finger over her lip to let him know to be quiet. She pulled him inside her bedroom for the first time and he was absolutely mesmerized.

It was like a jungle of books in there, pictures of her and Amoreena all over the walls and the cutest mushroom bedsheets in the world. It was like he walked into her mind, it was calming and beautiful and just what he imagined.

Peaceful.

“We’re not staying in here,” she whispered towards him, pulling him into the closet.

She pulls out 2 black garment bags and places them on the bed before looking through her jewellery box. She brings back a small velvet box and places it in his hands.

“Would you want to do something insane with me?”

“Always,” he can’t help but smile.

“My grandma always wanted Stephen to propose to me with that ring, but he used his own mothers instead,” she whispered. “I don’t want to have an official thing, I already planned one wedding and never got to have it.”

“Okay?” He tried his best to follow along, analyzing her facial expressions to see just how nervous she was, as well as the underlying sadness of time missed. Just like she had mentioned that first night he stayed here.

“I had my grandma’s dress tailored to wear at my wedding, I’ve never put the final version on,” she unzips the one bag, revealing a silk white dress with an incredibly long train.

“My grandpa's suit is in the other one, I think you will fit into it,” she reaches out a hand to pull him closer to the bed and look at it with her. “I just want to put them on and tell you I love you in the field and just call you my husband. I don’t give a single shit that it’s been a week, why should I wait a year to call you that when I can start now?”

He doesn’t know what to say, he’s speechless for too long and he knows that it’s making her anxious but he can’t speak. His eyes turn glossy and his hands shake as he holds the small box in his hands, opening it to find a beautiful ruby on a gold band, surrounded by small diamonds, alongside her grandfather's gold band.

He gets down on one knee then and she pulls him right back up to his feet, shaking her head. “It can’t be like last time, I don’t want to repeat a single part of it. I can’t lose you too.”

“You never will,” he’s finally able to speak. “I’m not going anywhere, believe me, you are the most important person in my life. I would drop everything and hide here forever to keep safe, if you wanted me to, I’m too in love with you to go anywhere.”

She smiles at him with wide eyes and the glimmer of hope returning. She picks up her dress and heads to the bathroom door, “put the suit on and meet me downstairs?”

“Yes Ma’am,” he winks at her before taking the suit down the hall to his room.

He notices the wedding photo on the night table again, taking the suit out of the bag to see nothing really changed since the last time it was worn. Her grandfather was tall and skinny like him when they got married, so he fits into the 1950’s suit almost perfectly.

He straightened everything out in the mirror, making sure he tucked the ring box back into his pocket before quietly tiptoeing back down the creaky wooden steps.

Y/N wasn’t done yet, he could hear her walking around in her room softly as she paced from her dresser to the bathroom over and over, most likely trying to find something in her jewellery box and looking in the mirror more than once. She didn’t sound nervous, her feet weren’t hesitant, she sounded like a woman on a mission, that was a good thing.

He was the nervous one, scared out of his mind with the fear he wouldn’t do this right. That she had dreams, plans and expectations he needed to live up to and what if he couldn’t? He put his face in his hands and tried his best to push all the fears away but they kept swirling. Making his brain hurt, he didn’t want to fuck anything up with her. She was already so understanding and wonderful, she’d given so much to him already he can’t fuck this up—

And then she’s walking down the stairs. Like sunshine; parting the grey skies as the thunder clouds dissipate and the rain washes down the streets, he’s fine again.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers.

Her smile was priceless, “thanks, cutie, I’m so glad it fits you!”

He followed her towards the kitchen where she picked up the phone, dialled a number and waited, “hey mom.”

“Spencer and I are going on a late-night walk, outback, yeah, Amoreena is asleep, can you just keep an eye on the house? I’m going to let Rufus in to keep guard anyway,” Y/N explained over the phone, agreeing and humming to whatever her mother said in response. “love you too, thanks."

She let the dog in like she said she would, handing the overly friendly golden retriever a treat before finally pulling Spencer outside and towards the barn.

They were both in running shoes, it was incredibly adorable for the occasion and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Her hand was so soft as she tugged him along behind her, her dress and hair blowing in the wind as they walked.

She grabbed an old kerosene lantern from the barn, lighting it quickly and holding it by the handle, “you ready?”

“I am,” he smiled softly, still anxious in his core, more so now because he was overly excited to be spending the rest of his life with her.

They continued to walk down past the barn, through the cow pasture and finally entering a clearing. It was full of lilacs and ragweed, yellows and purples blowing ever so gently back and forth under the moonlight.

“This is where my grandparents would read to me, and where they renewed their vows when I was 14, and this is where I got the call that I was pregnant with Amoreena. It’s a very special place to me,” her voice was barely a whisper.

Spencer took the lantern from her and placed it in the grass, it illuminated the both of them just enough that they could see each other's faces and know exactly how much they loved each other without even having to say any words.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Spencer’s words were careful, he didn’t want her to think he didn’t either.

She nodded softly, “I loved Stephen very much, I don’t think I’ll ever stop, but I loved him enough to know he’d want me to be happy, he’d really like you and don’t tell him this but I think I love you more than I ever loved him,” she made light of a very heavy subject.

Smiling at him like he was the world, he fully believed her. “I thought Maeve as it for me too before she died, I was so, so wrong. Every day I discover a new level of love for you I didn’t think possible the day before, I never want to stop searching for how deep my love for you goes.”

“To new adventures,” she whispered.

“And happy endings,” he replied, remembering the conversation they had about the Disney characters they loved the most just yesterday morning.

He removed the box from his pocket, opening it and taking her ring out of the fabric. The tiny diamonds around the ruby sparked in the light, shining little rainbows over their faces as they smiled at each other once again, cheeks aching from all the happiness.

“What finger do you want to wear it on? Seeing as we’re doing this our way,” he compromised for her very easily.

“The middle one on my left hand, you?” She asked as she took his ring out as well.

“The ring finger,” he whispered. “I want you to be close to my heart forever.”

“Okay,” she whispered back, pushing the ring onto his finger first before placing her hand in his, waiting for his hands to stop shaking so he could put it on her.

He pushed it right back towards the knuckle, holding her hand in his after and just staring at the ring. He just married the woman of his dreams.

“Holy shit,” he whispered to himself, making her laugh.

“What?”

A tear trickled down his cheek as he tried to smile at her, his jaw wobbling as he tried to stay calm but he couldn’t, he let himself cry softly as she cupped his face with her free hand.

“I love you too, Spencer,” is all she said, pressing her lips to his, finally.

He held her there in his embrace, lips touching as they breathed each other in. The smell of the field and the flowers that were once so strong in his nose, now he only smells her perfume, he almost forgets where he is as they kiss. The world could have stopped and he wouldn’t have ever known, too caught up on loving her.

He doesn’t pull away when the kiss breaks, instead, resting their foreheads together as they breathed.

“I’m going to love you until the day I die.”

She brushes their noses together softly as if to agree, “give me at least 40 years with you, and then I’ll meet you in heaven?”

“We’re already here,” he whispers, “you and Amoreena are my angels.”

They kissed again, just as soft and perfect as before. She smiled at the end, pulling back and taking her cellphone out of the dress pocket that he didn’t even know was there.

She set it on the fence post that separated the cows from the field, making sure it was steady and setting a timer. She rushed to Spencer and pulled him back into the same kiss, letting the phone take a burst of photos for them to remember later on.

“Pick a song,” he whispered into the moment, seeing her face scrunch as she became confused. “We need a first dance, I know your grandparents had to have danced out here at least once if she loved music as much as you say she did.”

“I love you,” is all she can say as she beams a smile at him. Skipping over to her phone and doing just as he asked.

“I need a piece of Amoreena in this moment,” she explained her song choice, making him think it would be the Elton John song, but it wasn’t.

A beautiful piano balled played before he heard the all too familiar voice of Taylor Swift, the girl's favourite. “Seven, because that’s how many years it took for us to find you.”

He takes her hand again, twirling her around before pulling her body into his. The both of them holding on tight as they swayed to the song, it fit every single aspect of his love for her to a T. Like it was Taylor made for them.

“Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Your braids make a pattern Love you to the Moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long,”

It was so unbelievable. She had mentioned the love she felt for Stephen, he mentioned his love for Maeve, both of their faces hard to bring to memory as they fell in love with each other. A new feeling, a happier love, a long-lasting one that wasn’t nearly as flimsy. Powerful and strong like the earth's gravitational pull, he was never leaving her.

She’s singing the words ever so softly beside his ear, her voice is softer than Taylor’s and his favourite thing he’s heard all night, but he’d never tell her that.

They kiss randomly throughout their dance, listening to more songs as they swayed in the evening breeze. The cows coming to the fence to see what was happening, they twirled and dipped and jumped with each other, it was perfect.

She pulls him in for another kiss and she is all giggles, high from the dopamine and serotonin rush they were both on. Like someone injected sugar right into his veins, he was unbelievably sweet on her.

“We’re you serious?” Spencer whispered against her lips before she can pull back any further and disrupt the courage he felt.

“About what? I’ve said a lot tonight,” she teased him gently.

“About having more kids?” His voice is low and his eyes can’t meet hers as he prays she was being honest.

She nods softly, “never been more certain, actually, I would have 10 more of your kids if they’re all as perfect as our Amoreena.”

Our.

He tilts his head to the side and presses his lips together in a tight smile, he lost all control of his tears a while back, feeling them slip down his cheeks as he took everything in. She had given him everything and then some.

“How are you this perfect? It’s been 8 days since I laid eyes on you and you’ve managed to make every single dream come true, while simultaneously creating new dreams I never imagined I’d be allowed to have. You’re the best thing that has ever happened in the world Y/N, I’m so incredibly in love with you I could scream right now,” he is more passionate than he plans to be, she stares at him with more lust than happiness this time.

“Prove it and make love to me, you said you’d rather fuck me at home. Well,” she kept teasing him opening her arms and twirling around as she showed off the farm. “This is your home now, husband.”

“Where should we go?” He felt adventurous, willing to take her against the fence if the cows wouldn’t eat her hair, the thought alone making him giggle to himself.

“What?” She can't help but giggle right back.

“I thought about fucking you against the fence for a hot second and then the intrusive thoughts kicked in and I thought about the cows eating your hair,” he admitted with a fierce laugh.

“I love you so much,” she shook her head and sighed, the same way she did at the museum when Amoreena made her laugh.

That was all the proof he needed. Never would he question how she felt, if she loved him half as much as she loved Amoreena then he was blessed by far. This was over the top.

He picked up the lantern then, handing it to her as well as her phone before picking her up bridal style and attempting to carry her back to the house. He made it to the barn before she begged him to put her down, wanting to skip the rest of the way with him.

Giddy as all hell, the two of them snuck back into her house. Rufus, the best guard dog in the world, was passed out on the couch and didn’t even move as they walked in. Locking the doors and windows for the night before tiptoeing up the stairs again.

Luckily, Amoreena’s room was on the opposite side of the house from Spencers. Y/N pulled him down the hall and inside the room, lightly closing the door before leaning back against it and sighing.

“Are you sure? I never asked you what you wanted,” Y/N whispered.

Spencer just shook his head and slipped out of his suit jacket. “All I want is to have a big happy family with you, where ever that takes us, I’m up for the adventure.”

Y/N was the one who teared up this time, looking away from Spencer and at her grandparent's wedding photo on the side table. She walked past Spencer, brushing her hand against his arm as she did so, picking up the photo and kissing it softly.

She turned it face down and turned back to Spencer, “help me with the zipper?”

He nodded, silently stepping forward and brushing her hair off her back, freeing her from the dress. He pressed his lips gently to her sun-kissed shoulders, surprised by the array of freckles, kissing the pattern they made on her skin as she let the dress slip to the floor.

He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind as he continued to kiss her neck and shoulder. She hummed into the feeling, tilting her head to the side so he had more room to explore, her hands cover Spencers as she felt up his arms, still in his embrace.

She had the softest skin on earth, he could spend the next 14 hours kissing every square inch of her. It was all perfect and he wanted her to know it, “get on the bed,” he whispered in her ear as he pulled away.

He picked her dress up off the floor and put it on a hanger from the shirt he had on. She watched with soft eyes as he hung it on the back of the bathroom door, keeping it safe and taken care of while they became a married couple.

He slipped out of the tie and started unbuttoning his shirt, she laid back against the covers, pulling her grandma's quilt off and folding it at the end of the bed. She laid back and waited as he slipped his pants to the ground and finally joined her once again.

She met him halfway for a kiss, holding his face as he knelt between her spread legs, she leaned back and took him with her. He hovered then, barely touching her as she leaned forward to keep kissing him, eventually wrapping her arms around his back and pulling him down.

Skin to skin for the first time ever.

It’s slow and explorative, they take their time as they enjoy every single inch of each other's bodies. She’s soft and perfect, she fits in the palm of his hand like he’s always been holding her. Moulded for her and her alone.

He’s never made love before. Sure, he’s had sex but never in his life has it felt like this… no, this was perfect. It was everything he’s ever dreamed of and then some. Her kisses felt like dreams coming true, her touch so light it was like sunshine on a hot day, just dancing over him.

It was perfect.

He brushed her hair behind her ear, still inside her, as he took a moment to just look at her. Her eyes were hypnotic, he was so dawn into her it was like she controlled him. He kissed her gently on the forehead, “I love you,” he reminded her, for the millionth time that hour.

She pulled him in closer, breathing against his neck gently as they continued. Her nails on his back were amazing, he felt the sharp pain of her grip which only excited him more, fastening his pace, both his hips and where his thumb was pleasuring her between their bodies.

She looked like she was floating, relaxed as she laid against the sheets, blissed-out while she took it all in, panting airy nonsense as she got closer and closer.

She was quiet, they both were. It was silent as possible while they made love for the first time ever. She was everything in the world to him and then some, he couldn’t believe she was real as they both finished and managed to somehow get closer to each other.

Another level of love was just unlocked in his heart, he was never going to stop loving her. That would be the only impossible known to man.

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

[ofallthingsnasty]

This was actually so fun to think about!

If we’re talking about survival and chemistry I would choose yan Erasermic or Toshinori! I know I’m sorta cheating, but I really can’t decide :,)

But mmm your take on Fatgum makes me think he’s another one that has potential. Basically I have a lot of Amajiki traits. But I can also be really cold, and will explode/get defensive if I’m pushed pass my limits. And one other person who I’d probably stupidly fall for is Kirishima? Like that boy has himbo puppy energy and his smile? My heart wouldn’t be able to take it. But, I think for survival he would be too much for me as a yandere). Sooo- I honestly relate to you! Like I would need someone to be really gentle and patient with me. I have major daddy issues, anxiety, depression and I’m also pretty awkward. I can be really quiet and it takes someone special for me to really open up and trust. Words of encouragement would go such a long way for me. I know I would have a major praise kink 😭. —As another anon mentioned, Erasermic has so many different dynamic potentials! Aizawa and Hizashi could be really nice to be stuck with haha. Aizawa is quiet, level-headed, patient, takes no bs. I think I would find him comforting to be around.. eventually. I would find Mic annoying because of how talkative and loud he can at times but if we’re thinking soft yandere Mic, I genuinely think he would win my heart over super fast. Him being extroverted would be a really nice balance. I would melt at the sweet things he would say to me wkqiebjejsbsbs. He would make me laugh by saying and doing dumb shit. And making me laugh is one way to win me over quick. And both of them combined??? I wouldn’t stand a chance. Like my touch-starved ass would be drooling and so happy to be sandwiched between those two after the first couple rough months. They’re such a golden duo, they would take such good care of me, I know it. —As for Toshi, I can’t help but gush over how adorable he could be with his darling. He would probably be one of the safest yanderes to be with? His heart wouldn’t be able to handle anything too rough for punishments. Like idk I might be wrong, I just think he would be so gentle and wouldn’t take advantage of me and my ass would love that. Like yes, just spoil the hell out of me. I think our energies would get along really well because he’s so sweet. He just wants his darling to be safe and tucked away from the world. He would be obsessive about them but he would be so patient! Maybee guilty seeing them so frightened for what he’s done, but he knows it’s the only way he can keep them safe. At the end of the day, I just want a sweet soft yandere to be stuck with (who would take good care of me). I’d be so flustered and a MESS if they are gentle laksjakaj. This got so long oops. I’m glad Monday went so well for you!! (Tumblr wouldn’t let me space correctly so I put little dashes 😔)

You & me anon, you & me... anxious daddy issues gang aha Big agree with Erasermic! If I remove myself from my own filth for like three seconds, I actually think they'd be very caring and gentle. Mic imo still has a little mean streak, but that'd take a lot of taunting or disobedience to really show. Depends on who YOU are and how you'd cope with the situation. He can be nice and understanding and patient if you're shy but good and he could turn mean if you aren't. You wrote this out with so much love!! I can tell you absolutely adore these two and that makes my heart melt. As for Kiri - I think he's terribly obsessive which could turn south reaaaaally quick. Kind off impulsive as well (methinks, but I don't really write for 1-a/b bc my brain just goes .... when I think about them) Toshi... When I thought about this question like a week ago he was the first one I thought of. And hell yes, he'd be one of the sweetest - if not THE sweetest, because he has so much to give (and to receive). BUT. He's insecure, has ego problems and holds a grudge/is kinda bitter? What I'm saying is that you'd have to comfort him just as much as he does. Which could be hard in that power imbalance that is the yandere trope. It could also make you two connect faster because you see him in another light when he opens up (which would happen p quickly, I think)- I think it'd be pretty easy to woobify him and his actions if you're empathetic and soft. So yeah, could go either way - it really does depend on you. I wish I could write more, but my brain is super fried from today and I actually should be in bed already... 😭 I'll just drink a double-esp tomorrow morning - thank you for this lovely and heartfelt response and feel free to come back to my inbox any time haha 😘

tell me which yan character is realistically your best match (in terms of survival and chemistry)

[scenariosofkonoha]

Oooh...what if Kankuro and Gaara marry sisters? I don't mean like a double wedding (I think that may help the brothers if they go through it together though), but if Kankuro meets the eldest first and the youngest comes along later.

I had a lot of fun with this one! I certainly hope you like it Space! ~ Admin Little Lace

Kankuro

Temari always knew that whoever would end up with Kankuro would be just as much of a handful as he was. He sister wasn’t wrong

Kankuro’s S/O is a wild child. The sassy shinobi had been a known trouble-maker even in her youth in the village. She was often known to say how she felt and fight anyone who felt differently.

Although Kankuro had known of her when they were young, neither of them had run in the same circles. When they officially meet at a training ground when they are a little older. The meeting falls more along the lines of a confrontation.

She brazenly states that  “well isn’t the puppet doing most of the work? I’d just end up fighting the puppet. Aren’t you strong enough to take me on solo?” This puts the two of them at odds and they end up sparring. When neither comes out as a clear victor they become rivals.

And I mean rivals in everything. Though they may spar and often, they challenge each other on who can lift the most, haw fast they can navigate the caverns, who can eat the most (who can survive the longest without getting sick after said challenge) even down to long drawn out sessions in shogi.

When the scores are tallied and they still come up with the two of them escalating to pranking one another. Simple tricks like finding snakes in his puppets to her being glued to a chair only go further when chakra threads and transportation scrolls become involved.

The two spend most of their teenage years this way. Petty challenges give way to vigorous training sessions. Taunts of bet you can’t do this,” and “you’ll never beat me,” turn to “it’d be cool is Black Ant could do this,” and “If you use that jutsu after the initial attack it would be more effective.”

In the words of her sister their relationship is kind of frighting. They constantly seem to be at each other’s throats but also having the time of their lines.

“No one asked you!” She snapped as they walked through the market.

“Kami woman, why are you so loud?” he grumbled.

“If I’m so loud, I’ll eat by myself then.” She snarked paying for the ginger.

“After you bragged for weeks that you can cook?” He deadpanned pushing her buttons.

“I can cook. Maybe I’ll just poison you instead.”

“I’ll come back and haunt you,”

“Great so the suffering never ends.”

“Oh, you’re so lucking to have me!”

“That’s what I tell myself, every morning.”

“You’re not funny,”

“Your face is funny enough for the both of us.” she glared as they continued their shopping.

They are always like this. To the point that people wonder if they are mortal enemies or a married couple.

Instead of what their thinly veiled threats and aggressive sounding conversations may sound like they are very close. She will always come visit him in his workshop, even though it is to push his buttons she does want to know what he is working on. All in the name of beating him, she swears. Kankuro puts her on the village’s ANBU Black Ops. But definitely not because she is incredible but so he can make sure she isn’t embarrassing the village.

Neither of them allow the other to date. Each time someone approaches interested leave it to either of them to find a way to ruin it.

“His got desert mites,

“She’s possessed,”

“Sorry he’s in an arranged marriage.”

“Tough break, she’s got a family in the Hidden Leaf.”

“He’s building the perfect puppet wife.

“She’s celibate for her heathen gods.”

“He’s addicted to eating glue.”

“She’s not your type.

‘Hes a eunuch,”

Her little sister is still indeed scared. The girl is the one that begs her sister to admit her feelings for the middle sand sibling. Anytime the attraction is brought up, both party’s blush and deny. The sister stating.

“Why would I want the purple striped idiot?”

Kankuro is a tad bit more honest.

“She’s not interested in me,”

In comes Temari, older sister and voice of reason, persuading the boy to be honest with her.He words trigging his resolve.

“If she didn't like you, I’m not sure she’d want you around.”

Kankuro is the one that makes the move. Half way through bickering he turned to the girl and kissed her. No warning just an impassioned kiss. Stunning them both. No one says anything for the longest time in their “friendship.” Well until she pokes his arm, blushing heavily telling him his an idiot.

From that point on they are together. Their relationship just as verbally volatile as it ever was. But there is a certain spark. Pokes and “love taps” aren’t as blood thirsty. They stand closer, touches don’t look like attempted murder and…she smiles. Often.

As happy as the two of them are they aren’t very public about it. Everyone knows they are together, the “private looks” are a dead giveaway.

Her younger sister is the only one brave enough to lightly tease them about how happy they look.

“I only wish I’m as happy when I find my someone,” she gushed at them, hearts in her eyes with a soft dreamy look on her face Kankuro met his lover’s eyes from across the work bench. His smirk holding a secret that was too good for her to ignore.

Gaara

Gaara had been watching the girl for as long as he could remember. She is known throughout the village as a sweetheart. It is a stark contrast to her elder sister that felt the need to fight the world.

It was her sister’s personality that aided in her reputation. Every time the elder started a fight, pulled a prank or her presence became a nuisance, the younger would draw up a apology note. That notes one very well done, her pristine calligraphy and gentle artwork. They are famous Suna her thoughtfulness and kindness well renown.

When Gaara begins engaging more with people he notices her and feels things for her, he hadn’t felt anyone else he knew. And he hadn’t even spoken to her.

Upon discovering his brother infatuation with the girl, Kankuro tires to go and check her out. Instead he is stopped by her sister berating his puppetry skills.  The sparring match that resulted caused the girl to seek Gaara out. She kindly apologizes to both him and his family for her sister’s behavior leaving him with a note.

It’s easy to see for the older sand siblings that Gaara is deeply interested int he girl. They decide to work to get him to probably speak to her more than his simply “thank you,” he had given her. Temari goes to see the girl.

Unlike her sister, she is not a ninja or training to be one. She works and studies the trade under her grandparents at their shop. Temari visits and secretly vets the girl. As she decides that the girl would be good for brother, she slowly becomes friends with both sisters.

Kankuro was suppose to be doing the same  but instead gets wrapped up in the older sister. Sparring pranking and causing the younger to make more notes. Though she tries to give it to the others, each of his siblings make sure she always gives the apology to Gaara.

Gaara always shyly says thank you, that feeling in his chest never lessening. He at one point believes he might be sick. She makes sure he receives a get well card, his ‘conditions’ worsens.

As time goes by his feelings never waver only growing with every card he receives and every passing conversation they share. He has various birthday cards, numerous holiday cards and a good luck plaque she created when he was announced as Kazekage.

Their relationship doesn’t change very much as Gaara can identify the emotion now but isn’t sure what to do about it. Temari’s advice of “just say something” doesn’t inspire much action on his part. Now he can hide from his feelings behind work as well.

With the new couple formed Kankuro and his S/O decide to take a more hands on approach.

With Temari, the girl’s older sister does her best to get the younger girl’s opinion of Gaara. The girl blushes not sure how to feel about the red-haired man.

“Oh, Lord Gaara is very kind and-” she blushes, much like her sister, giving her companions the confirmation they needed for the next step.

Since it is all up to Gaara to do something, his brother and his S/O to push the two together. They do the tried and true method of telling their siblings they need to meet with them at the perfect spot, both of them having no intention of showing up and allowing the potential love birds to talk.

Much to their dismay neither show up. Instead Gaara continues to work and the young sister comes in to bring him yet another apology note.

“I apologize for my sister…” she faltered with a sigh “again… I will make sure she doesn’t bother you Lord Kazekage.” She gave a deep bow, thinking that she will probably be here next week as well.

His heart beat faster as he accepts as he always does. She then sees all the paperwork on his desk and everything he needed to accomplish for the day. She then, much to both of their surprise, offers to help. Just as an apology for the antics that take him away from it.

Just wanting to see her more Gaara accepts and she sets to organizing the paper work allowing his work to move more smoother as they get through it together.

Later Kankuro and his S/O go to the office to see the two sharing a cup of tea. They leave them to get more acquainted.

Eventually Gaara will formally ask her out but only when she has gotten the proper chance to get to know him and fall for him as well.

Bonus: Tiny Wedding Details

As much as a joint wedding would assist him in Navigating such a momentous occasion, due to Gaara’s station, the wedding would unfortunately have to be separate. But that doesn’t stop Kankuro from being with his brother every step of the way.

Kankuro has his first, a small affair with just friends and family. It is very private per his new-wife’s comfort level. Though loud and brash, she is super shy and the whole event is a little uncomfortable to her. She spends the most of the night blushing calling the whole event unnecessary and giving death glare to her new husband as he teases her.

Gaara’s wedding much to his dismay, is treated most political than he would like. It isn’t just one event but a several different events that make up their wedding. It is filled with smaller engagements traditions and slowly make him wish they could marry quietly. His brother and Naruto are there to assist him with it all as well as his wife. Throughout whole tedious happening his bride is there smiling and guiding him along helping him though.

Even though the two are the more quiet of the couples no one can question their love for each other. The soft smiles and shy glances are a dead giveaway, much to their elder siblings teasing.

[witheringvoice]

Vent + Fuck It - A Poem + Explanation ig?

TW: Depressing shit

Before I get into this poem, I feel obliged to explain something, I'll explain more after. I'm asexual, I'm on the spectrum. I'm close to aromantic, I'm close to panromantic, I'm close to graysexual, and I'm close to many different terms, but I don't like them all. I still have both forms of attraction, I just almost never have them. I haven't actually experienced sexual attraction yet, and I have no idea if I've experienced romantic attraction. I'm good at faking feelings through coping mechanisms, like reading fanfiction and gushing over fictional characters or streamers like I'm the biggest fucking simp. It's not true, I'm not. And honestly, I hate those coping mechanisms, but I long to feel that way. Also, something funny, I find females or people who come off as more feminine I suppose, more physically appealing I guess? I don't know how to explain it, but more masculine I guess, people, more romantically appealing? I can't explain it because I'm not actually interested in anything, butttt....yeah.

// TW: Depressing shit, mentions of sh, potential unhealthy coping mechanisms? etc.

You know how much one thing caused me to change? When I went to middle school I barely had control over my burnout and scratching.

I ignored it like usual, but sixth grade was so strange, there was this boy.

Every time I heard his voice, name, saw his eyes on me, or just saw him.

He made me more anxious than anyone I've ever met.

I think he made me blush for the first time, as far as I know.

Why does he make me feel this way, what is this feeling?

He was funny and cute, popular and nice, which I'd never seen before.

But of course, his friends were dicks so he had to be too, I ignored him.

He reminded me of one of my old bullies, until that day, I became indifferent.

I didn't realize I started watching him or coping with it until seventh grade.

I saw him when we came back in person, do I obsess about people I can't have?

Maybe it's to ignore this feeling, what even is it anyway?

My first ever crush?

I doubt it's...love.

Can't be, even if it's eighth grade now and I still feel this way.

I've pretended to be "normal" and have crushes for six years on five different boys.

Why him, why now?

I can't handle whatever I'm feeling, it's making me more lonely and depressed.

He barely knows me, and I barely know him, we almost never talk.

But he's always on my mind, this is too much.

He remembers my name? We haven't been in class together since sixth grade...

I can't handle this, I probably have feelings for him, don't I?

Fuck it.

//

I tried everything in my power to push him away, to despise, him, even though we barely even talked. But in all actuality, he's a sweet kid. Fucks sake, why is he so nice? During the eighth grade field trip in May, he and I started talking a little more. He asked me if I was okay a lot of the times on hikes, even after I broke down and was feeling really fucking nauseous. Before that, when I was down about not being able to stop myself from hyperventilating and giving up on the high ropes course, he joked around with me and made me feel better even though we barely spoke much. After the um, the campfire on the last night of the trip, he talked with me and my friends. He told me he's been meaning to be my friend, and I told him I've been meaning to be his. Because in all honestly, I think I just admire him? I really just want him as a friend, he's so confident and funny...I just, I wish I was that you know? I don't know. He even let me hug him, I hugged a lot of people during that trip, I love hugs, but I was thankful he let me hug him. On the last day of school we didn't speak, after the field trip, we went back to not speaking so much. I ended up giving him a letter admitting to him I think I liked him? I don't know what he thinks of me, I don't know what I feel towards him. But I do know it taught me a lot and gave me unhealthy coping mechanisms in my opinion. Fanfiction is hilarious, but it can make me extremely uncomfortable especially when it's about content creators. I just feel so awkward reading it, but I feel worse reading it about some random person I don't know...And those ones about content creators I enjoy watching, oh my god the humor can be top-notch, okay? When I read fanfiction I don't think of the character as myself, I don't think of the content creators as the content creators. I think of it as they're random people, a random story, and I'm watching them fall in love. If the story is good enough, it actually teaches me something. Indirect learning is the best babyyyy. Sorry lol, but anyway, yeah. Basically, I fell for this boy and it, it made me struggle a lot. Hopefully, high school isn't awkward, I still want to be his friend. Do I actually like him? God, I have no idea.

[goblincrown-blog]

here's a post of my rules for anyone stuck on Mobile --

DISCLAIMER

Welcome to the revival of my oldest Tumblr muse - Jareth! This blog has meant a lot to me and, truthfully, I abandoned it for a long while following David Bowie's passing. But I feel comfortable enough to come back to a muse I really love. So here I am once more! Please note that all HC, development, etc are my own interpretation of Jareth using faerie lore and my own story telling. None of this is canonical to Henson's vision. This blog also does not deal with the manga version of Labyrinth. It doesn't exist to me and I apologize in advance if that upsets anyone. Also the apparent Jareth lore thing they're coming out with. I've heard what it's about, I hate it, therefore it does not exist. RIGHT - onto the rules.

RULES

NOTE: THERE ARE CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS THAT I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH. GENERALLY PEOPLE THAT I COME ACROSS DON'T RUN NEAR THEIR CIRCLE -- BUT IF THEY DO AND I SEE IT? YOU WILL BE HARDBLOCKED. UNLESS I REALLY LIKE YOU THEN I WILL TALK WITH YOU PRIVATELY. BUT SERIOUSLY DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS FOR THE MOST PART. ODDS ARE YOU'LL NOT BE ANYWHERE NEAR THEM.

[1] - this blog is is selective and generally private. i will only write threads with mutuals, but will answer asks from everyone. I'm sorry if this makes people upset but at this point there is just too much that has happened with this blog for me to function any other way. I hope you can understand that.

[2] Mun && Muse are both 21+. There will be dark themes and potential smut on this blog. It will be tagged accordingly. I will not be forced to engage in NSFW threads so do not harass me for that sort of thing. [3] I ship based on chemistry. Pretty straight forward. If there’s totally something that speaks to me about our interactions, I’ll likely gush @ you about how much I love them. I do not auto-ship with Sarah and, frankly, will need to be sold on their chemistry as more than just admiration. [4] Plotting > greeters. I prefer to plot just a basic interaction rather than go blindly into things. It’s more likely to make me attached to a thread and not want to drop it. I’m also a huge fan of building relationships via ask memes. It’s much easier to do it without a strict guideline ( such as threads ) so never hesitate to send me ALL the memes! [5] I follow blogs I know or recognize. I follow OCs with solid about pages. Multi-muse blogs I’m hesitant on unless it’s a mesh of muses I’m familiar with! I don’t follow for follow. Sorry friends. If I do follow, though, that pretty much means I’d love to interact with you. [6] I reserve the right to say no to interactions. I will also not be harassed for replies. I’m one of the most patient people for threads and shenanigans, so I hope the same courtesy is extended to me. [7] Activity will vary between commissions, work, and other blogs. If I’m not here, you’ll likely find me on one of many of my other blogs. [8] Please don’t turn memes into threads without talking to me first. I generally one-off meme replies unless specifically talked about before or after. And if you do reply to one, make it a separate thread please. [9] Jareth is a villain. Jareth is not someone who can be pushed around. Please bare this in mind as I do take him and his characterization very seriously on this blog. He’s not nice - at least to most folk. Unless you earn that sort of acceptance from him. He’s very nasty and he’s a fae - which means he’s darn powerful. Please please please – don’t belittle who he is or downplay what he can do. SOME BIG RP ETIQUETTE: An Important Side Note: In regards to just general roleplay ‘don'ts’ – try to avoid these things in threads with Jareth: ◎ Going to his Labyrinth without plotting. If there is no reason for your muse to be there, you’re trespassing. Therefore – your muse will gain his ire or be turned into a Goblin. That’s just how it works in the world of Labyrinth. ◎ Commenting on his appearance with snark and ‘wow did the 80’s throw you up?’ This has been used so many times on me and my blog that it’s tedious. Jareth responds with nothing but nonchalance and generally walks away. ◎ Trying to make Jareth a good guy. Unless we’ve been building up to that inevitable conflict with a relationship – don’t do it. It won’t work. ◎ When I make starters – please don’t immediately contradict them. ie. Jareth offers your character their dreams and your character goes ‘lol i have everything i want’. You’ve just killed the thread and my desire to keep going with any interaction. Stuff like that comes from underestimating Jareth as a character and undermining his whole reason for being who he is. And that really pisses me off, truthfully. So try not to. Give me something work off of, otherwise I won’t reply to anything as I’ll have nothing to say. Those are really the only things that I can think of at the moment. Everything else is golden and fab.