#but also. I’m going to wait til my hair is cut to dye it cause I’ve been wanting my hair cut for three months now and it just keeps getting

[foxgloveinspace]

I might have just put ‘price hair dye’ on my grocery shopping list to dye my hair red like iii’s🫣🫣🫣

[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty-three: no bones about it

Alex took his seat across the heavy wooden table from Sam and he ran his fingers through his jet black hair. When he let go of his hold there on the crown of his head, she caught a glimpse of the little gray sliver over his brow, such that it resembled to a small nugget of silver embedded within the ground. He nestled down in the chair there and she thought of that night at the restaurant when she and Cliff began to hit it off. It also helped matters that he had asked for a glass of lemonade and he huddled down in the chair there.

He was so big when he stood up and yet when he sat down, he looked like such a little boy at his parents' house.

Sam glanced over to her right as Joey took his seat about three chairs down from here, while Frank and Lars sat down in between them. She frowned at the fact she and Joey were a ways apart, but at least Alex was right there across from her. Greg and Kirk were right next to him: the two of them were right there at the very end, right next to the bay window that looked out to the grass and the stream out there. He ran his finger around the rim of the glass and some condensation gathered right there around the ice cubes. He sat across from her like a villain plotting to take over the world, especially with that prominent brow and those deep but bright eyes.

He tilted his head to the side a few times, especially whenever Lars opened his mouth for a joke.

Sam's mouth was a bit dry from the midori sour Marla had made her earlier; a little bit of ice water and a cup of coffee and the taste went away after a bit. Marla herself took her spot across the table from her and Frank; it took her a second to realize that Charlie was right next to Joey.

Alex was silent for most of the time, especially whenever someone next to them said something about anything.

At one point, he looked across the table to her with a slight raise of his eyebrows. Sam took a glimpse over at him with her lips pursed together. He gestured for her to lean in closer to him.

“This is so awkward,” he confessed.

“How so?” she asked him.

“Just with every time Joey looks over at me,” he said in a loud enough voice for her to hear him.

“Seriously?” She raised her eyebrows at him, and he nodded at her.

Lucky for them, their plates of steak and French fries were set down before them. Alex didn't hesitate to eat up those fries while they were still hot and fresh out of the frier; Sam took a glance over at Frank, who picked at his steak even though the sear on it looked perfect to her. Every so often, she peered over at Marla and Belinda, both of whom resembled to a red velvet cake with their fiery red hair and light blonde hair in that respective fashion: indeed, Lars did mention red velvet cake at one point.

Alex took a little sip of his lemonade and then he set the glass down on the table before him. He never took his hand off of the base of the glass as he flashed Sam another glance across the table. He then gestured for her to come closer to him again.

“I just realized something,” he started.

“What's that?”

“This is literally the first time I've been around you for a long time,” he noted, to which she hesitated for a minute.

“Yeah, it is,” she said with a nod. “Are you still nervous around me?”

“Kinda. I'm a little better, though, but—I just look over at Joey, though.”

“Let's wait 'til after dinner, we'll talk about it some more,” she suggested, and he nodded at that. They dug into their small cuts of steak in unison: cooked to medium rare, just how Sam liked it. Every so often, she took a glimpse up at him and his never switching his fork over to his other hand before he took another bite. He always cut them up into small cubes the size of his thumbnail.

“Are you leftie?” she asked him.

“Hm?” He raised his gaze up to her.

“Are you left handed?” she repeated over Belinda's laughter.

“My brother is. It just kinda rubbed off onto me. I also enjoy my meat more if I eat leftie, too.”

Frank kicked back a drink of his stout and then Lars burst out laughing at something. Greg was talking to Kirk about something. Alex leaned in closer to her once more and that time with a turn to the right so he could make sure they weren't paying attention.

“Sometimes I'll play guitar leftie,” he told her.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Like Jimi Hendrix or Paul McCartney. It's a bit of a trip to pull off, but yeah. When we played at Eindhoven earlier this year, sometimes during a solo, I would move it over to the left.”

He bowed his head a little bit and then he took another sip from his glass of lemonade.

“Did Eric tell you that we made a live album out of that show?” he asked her. “Like, through the fan club letter you got?”

“I can't remember,” she confessed.

“We are!” he declared.

“Oh, boy! So what can I expect?”

“It'll get you right into the front of the line for a copy,” he told her.

And she raised her eyebrows at that as she took another delicate little bite of steak. She then realized that she hadn't even heard their first album yet. Granted, she had sit in on that day and overheard “Over the Wall” and “Apocalyptic City” there in the studio as well as out in the open. And then there was Dan's record player, the very thing she had yet to see for herself.

If she found a copy of The Legacy as well as that live album, she wouldn't hesitate for a second to head on over to Dan's place just to play those.

“—I put those drawings out on the table out there by the front desk,” she heard Charlie tell to Frank; he then glanced past Lars for a look at her, complete with his eyebrows raised up.

“D'you hear that?” he asked her.

“I did,” Sam replied with a nod of her head and a wipe of her mouth with the cloth napkin. It wasn't a lot of food but she had had enough for the night; Metallica had paid for their dishes, and thus she stood to her feet and she looked on at Alex.

“Are you done?” she asked him.

“Oh, yeah.” He folded up his napkin and he rounded their end of the table and he met up with her.

She could only hope that Joey paid more attention to what was going on there at the table as she led Alex out of there and into the front lobby. They posted up by the far side of the room, by the front window for a better view of the inky black sky outside and the falling rain on the narrow street, and he tucked his hands into his jeans pockets.

“So, tell me—” she started. “Thoughts about Joey?”

“He's a good guy but I have my worries about him, though,” he confessed right there. “Just—how everyone treats him, especially Dave.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you see, I'm having to throw my weight around just to get Testament out there. I put a lot of work into what I do, and Eric and Chuck do, too, as do Greg and Louie. We all work hard at it. And—I'm still a kid at the end of the day. I think that might have something to do with it.”

“Like, you're taken seriously but you also aren't,” she followed along.

“Exactly! You know I'm ready to dye my hair again just to rid of this thing.”

“Why, 'cause of all that nonsense?”

“Yeah,” he confessed with a bow of his head.

“I like it,” she said with a nod, “I think it's striking, like it makes you stand out from a crowd.”

But he shrugged his shoulders regardless of that, and then he turned his head to the front desk there. She followed his gaze to those four drawings there on the table's surface.

“By the way, I didn't get a good look at those drawings,” he muttered to himself. Sam watched him hover over the four pieces of paper on the table; she felt her face grow warm as a result. She backed away from there so she wouldn't have to see his face as a result: the silver pendant Ronnie had given her earlier tinkled a little bit on the chain about her neck all the while, but she had her hope that Alex wouldn't hear her.

It made her skin crawl, the thought of receiving praise from someone whom she didn't really know. On one hand, it made no sense whatsoever to her, in that there had to be some kind of discomfort when she put her art on display for the whole world to see for themselves. But then again, the very notion of it always put her on the spot.

She bowed away from there before he could say anything to her, and she headed right back to her room for the night.

Sam woke up the next morning to the sound of the rain on the room as well as Joey and Frank's laughter across the hallway from the room. She rolled out of bed and she made her way over to the door; she didn't have a bathrobe with her, but she knew that it was just them and it wasn't like she had taken off her pajamas upon her climb into her bed. She opened the door to find that they had taken their seats down on the carpet before their room door. Frank took a glimpse up from Joey and his face lit up at the sight of her.

“Hey, 'mornin', Sam I am!” he greeted her, complete with a piece of white gum tucked in between his teeth and his tongue.

“There she is,” Joey followed up with a nod of his head so his fluffy black curls floated about as if they were made of sheer cotton.

“What's going on out here?” she asked them. Frank reached behind him for something flat on the floor. Something elongated and with wheels on one side.

“Skateboards! Plus, Joey has something to give you.”

Joey then stood to his feet and he took something pearly and white out from his snug jean pocket.

“So you know that pendant that Ronnie gave you yesterday?”

“I fell asleep with it,” she noted as she took that silver pendant in question out from under her camisole neckline.

“He gave me one, too, plus this—” He lay it upon his palm: a bracelet comprised of off white beads with small pieces of black onyx nestled in between. Right over her wrist was a button covered in small bubbles that collected together into the shape of a skull and crossbones.

“That necklace also came with this bracelet made of bones, but it doesn't really fit me, though.”

She stuck out her wrist for him and he slipped the bracelet over her hand: it fit her as if it was made just for her.

“A little bit of good luck before we go onstage in the next day,” Joey remarked.

“Thank you,” she breathed out and she put her arms around his slender waist.

“No bones about it, babe,” he assured her, and he gave a shrug of his narrow shoulders.

She then pulled back for a look at Frank, who reclined back on his right hand and showed off his body and his extended legs off to her.

“Mister Male Model,” she joked.

“Mister Male Model with a skateboard of course,” he pointed out as he picked up the skateboard next to him with his free hand.

“Where'd you even get that by the way?” Joey asked him.

“Thank the boys from Bon Jovi for this. Besides—Joey, remember earlier on the plane ride, we were talking about skateboards and stuff?”

“Vaguely.”

“Those Jersey boys fulfilled it for us.” Dan emerged from the room right then.

“Rain's stopped, Frankie,” he said, and then he glanced up at Sam.

“'Mornin', Danny,” she told him.

“Good morning, dear little Sam. Wanna join us?”

“I don't skateboard much,” she admitted.

“It's not hard,” Frank assured her as he brought his legs into a folded position. “Not hard at all.”

“Think I'll need a helmet and some elbow pads all the while? And some shoes, too?”

“We'll catch you,” Dan vowed.

“Yeah, we'll catch ya,” Joey added.

“I think I should get dressed first,” she suggested.

“Nah, you can do it like that,” Frank told her as he climbed to his feet.

“Serious, we'll catch ya,” Dan promised her as he put his arm around her upper back as the four of them headed out of there; Frank had the skateboard tucked under his arm all the way out to the sidewalk and the dark wet pavement. He set it down before the storm drain and beyond the collected rain water there. The sidewalk was as cold as ice on her bare feet, but she managed to step aboard that rough surface. A voice in the back of her mind told her to go back inside for her shoes, but she was already on the skateboard.

She held her arms out a bit so as to steady herself. Frank held onto her shoulders to help her out.

“Okay, you ready?” he asked her.

“Yeah.”

Careful not to push her down onto the pavement, he nudged her forward along the wet pavement.

“Okay, put your foot down—yeah, you should'a put your shoes on—it's alright—you can do it—one foot down and it can push you forward—”

Her bare foot on the ground and she moved along a bit more. He let his hands hover over her shoulders, that is until she skated along herself.

“Excellent!” he exclaimed as he held onto her shoulders again so he could bring her to a stop. “You got it! You did it!” He threw his arms around her and she returned the favor.

“I could do it again with my shoes on,” she told him.

“Absolutely!” She stepped off onto the wet pavement, such that it sent a chill up her bare legs and her spine.

“Sure you don't wanna ride back to the porch there?” he asked her.

“Nah—my feet are already wet,” she assured him, “it's just water, anyway.” And he nodded his head, and then he picked up the board and they walked back together.

“Alright, Joey,” Frank declared as he set it down before the porch again.

“I'm not really much of a skateboarder, though,” he confessed as Sam stood there before the door with her arms folded over her chest.

“Just do it, Joey,” Dan insisted.

“Yeah, Joe!” Frank joined in. “Let's see you try it out.”

Sam hung there off to the side as Joey held out his arms on either side of him like a crucifix. He set both feet on the body of the board as Frank and Dan pushed him forward. His black curls streamed behind his head like a bunch of streamers.

“Way cool,” she declared, but once the words left her lips, Joey almost lost his balance by the time they reached the far end of the sidewalk. He stumbled off and Frank burst out laughing.

“Easy now!” Joey cracked.

“What's going on out here?” Charlie asked from behind Sam in a broken voice; she didn't even have to look at him to know that he had just woke up.

“We're board,” she told him.

“Bored?”

“No, board. As in skateboards.”

“Sweet.” He looked down at her feet. “You're not doin' it in your bare feet are you?”

“Nah.”

The three of them returned to the porch for a round of breakfast courtesy of Metallica once again. Fresh brewed coffee and fresh toast and porridge; for a moment there at the table on the close side of the room, Sam felt genuinely British. Every so often, she peered over to the other side of the room, and where Charlie had put those drawings on display for her. Even after the feeling of being put on display herself, a part of her yearned to know how Alex felt about them. She also wondered if he knew she was the artist as she sipped on her coffee. Her feet ached a bit from being out on the wet pavement in her bare feet but it was nothing a warm bath wouldn't fix up.

“Another day of rehearsals up ahead,” Dan declared as he finished up his sourdough toast.

“We gonna be wearin' the—?” Joey asked him, and Dan nodded his head without a moment's hesitation.

“The what?” Sam followed along. He finished his toast and then downed the rest of his coffee, and he nodded back for her to follow him back to the room.

She stood at the doorway as he crouched down next to the foot of the bed closest to her and he opened his suitcase.

He took out a pair of long navy blue shorts with what appeared to be skulls and crossbones decorated all over. He showed her the back and she took another look at that fabric, at the skeletons playing golf.

“Where'd you get that?” she giggled at his shorts.

“They were given to me. Danny got some, so did Frankie—Charlie still has those bright red ones. I bet you've seen those.”

“I have!” She thought back to when he and Marla were together. “I think you and I were together when we saw them.”

“Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry—the little hits from a Mary Jane have taken a bit of a hit on the memory.” But she shrugged at that.

“At least you're not drinking,” she pointed out.

“That's true. But anyways, neither of us are gonna turn down free stuff, be it new clothes or food for that matter.”

“Never turn down free food,” she told him.

“No way. But yeah—the four of us are gonna be wearin' those shorts for the show tomorrow night.” She recalled what Alex had said to her the night before, in how Joey had all manner of things handed to him. She wondered what exactly he meant by that.

A knock on the door caught both of their attention. Sam turned and Marla stood at the doorway with a concerned look on her face and a white china cup in one hand.

“Something happened that you guys should know about,” she told them.

“Like what?”

Sam followed her out of the room, and Marla led her back to Aurora and Emile's room, which reeked of musk and alcohol. Both of them were passed out on their queen sized bed, of which they had taken off the comforter and lay it upon the floor. Sam gaped at the sight of her best friend and her husband laying side by side on the bare bed sheet.

“Oh, my god, she's wasted,” she groaned. Marla emerged from right behind her with that cup of black tea still in hand.

“Nah, just really hungover and they both are, too, Sam,” she told her, “I guess the two of them were up late last night. James got Emile drunk after dinner with some Irish coffee and at some point last night after we fell asleep, she swiped the marshmallow vodka from that wine cellar.” And Sam shook her head at that. At least Aurora wasn't pregnant; but at the same time, this was the second time in a row she had guzzled down a bunch of booze for herself and she wound up bringing her husband into the mix as well.

“No more midori sours, I assume,” she said to Marla.

“No way,” she replied with a shake of her head. “Those bottles cost about sixteen pounds, or almost forty bucks American.”

Marla then led Sam back out to the hallway for a second. She sipped on the tea. The crown of her dyed red hair shone under the soft ceiling lights overhead all the while, such that it looked as though she had a small tiara rested upon her head.

"By the way, what'd you and Alex do after dinner last night?" she asked her in a low voice.

"Oh, we just talked for a minute. You know. Fan club stuff."

"I see. He's a good kid, isn't he?"

"Oh, yeah. I still worry about his relationship with him and Joey, though. Just how Joey reacted to him and everything..."

"Yeah, and the way Joey just picked up a guitar and started playing all because of Dave. Like, heaven forbid he gets some sound advice from a teenage kid."

"I wouldn't say that," Sam pointed out.

"Why's that?"

"Well, because Alex has that gray stripe on his head. It ages him."

"Right. But he's also still very much a teenage kid. Whereas Dave is closer to Joey's age, only by a year's worth of separation."

"Really?" Sam was stunned.

"Yeah. That's according to Lars. Joey was born October thirteenth, 1960, and Dave is September 13, 1961. So almost a year. Whereas Alex is a little guy right out of high school. Maybe Joey saw he was eighteen and got all on the defense about it..." Her voice trailed off at that.

“Hey, would you girls like some drinks later on?” Joey then called from the doorway. “Like, during the show?”

“Of course, Joey,” Sam replied, and then she stopped in her tracks when he ducked back into the room so he could change into those shorts. “Wait a minute.”

The way in which he stood still on that skateboard. The way he was so generous towards her. He was basically Ruben.

And then she thought back to what her mother said about him that night.

It all clicked right there.

“That's it!” she said in a hushed voice.

[linktc86]

So... After 2-3 years i got myself a haircut.

2-3 minutes of walking around the mall i didn’t feel any change with my mental health.

no, i don’t take meditcations, i can’t. they make me tired, i work nights and carry heavy loads.

  i was walking behind this woman. alone, and she was heading into a store. i was heading the same direction as her, now i’m often in a hurry especially when i go someplace and i need to be out of there at a certain time. Example, if i need to get to work by 4pm i have to be home by 230 so i can leave by 320-330. i’m on a bicycle so really my commute is all math related by distance and how long it takes for me to get there and how much the human body can withstand. so throw some science in.

 anyway...back to it.

i was walking behind a woman and hoped to find a place open so i can find a gift for my daughter, my first christmas having one, kept wondering what to get her and i was behind this woman who kept looking back at me, i often talk to myself to basically think outloud so i bounce things off.

‘Okay Fye isn’t open right now when does it open...shoot it doesn’t open til later and i’m not gonna have the time to get my haircut and browse around.’ (yes, i’m one of those who go to everystore to find the perfect gift for someone while taking their interest to heart.)

 i just brushed it off as her also wanting to go somewhere.

but it happened last night too.

 if you look up Tucson (*Spits*) you will see it’s a college town. in fact some of Tucsons bests were featured in that one episode of family guy where Peter becomes smart. because it’s a college town there’s college girls here. since i’ve started focusing on work i haven’t really taken an interest in dating, and when i do, it’s just one person for a sort of companionship or someone i can talk to. (my messages are empty bytheway) i was heading from CVS to the local sandwich place and i was behind someone who was walking faster as i walked.

 i can understand, really. i have sisters and i can understand how unsafe someone can feel.

 but that doesn’t mean make a person feel like shit just because he just wants a sandwich and wants to feel at least a little bit of peace. it’s tucson, despite all the bullshit that’s going on it’s quiet at night and you can actually think.

  there’s a side of me, that says ‘be positive about yourself. be yourself. you’re not like everyone else you have a job that not many people want, you don’t dye your hair, you listen to the old stuff, you don’t live your life on Snapchat or instagram. and out of everything else, you actually want better Mental health care and better treatment for people who’ve been bullied or were made to feel like they aren’t good enough and need to change.’ while the other side of me is saying, ‘it’s not good enough. the haircut does NOTHING, you still look creepy. you should smile more, it’ll show.’

 but at night, i can think. in the dark, i can think. i’m able to just...think.. feel some sort of peace. i’m the guy they ignore so i keep to myself. i wake up alone every day and it’s always a cointoss to how i’m going to feel.

i never get a text on my phone of ‘Hey, you okay? saw your status update and i was worried about you.’ no, the text often get are ‘Dude need to stop [insert thing i’m being accused off]’ and thats if they decide to text me. but even then, i feel worse about myself.

my therapist always asked me ‘do you feel like harming yourself or others?’ the answer is always no to both. but i don’t think about harming myself in the way or burning or cutting, i think about it like should i just become like everyone else? should i be something i’m not. should i change how i look because even though i’m comfortable in my own skin should i subject myself to becoming like everyone else? a part of me says “Yes. people are uncomfortable around you, you need to stop being yourself and start being like everyone else.” while the other side of me is going ‘you should just harm yourself just by thinking that. you’re different. not just by saying it but by acting it. you go into a target and the first thing you go to find is what game you can play with your sister. you sit down and write stories or draw because you don’t want drama. you write things about how you feel and you want to get a point across. you at least know what you want, but you wait.’

  when i was younger i used to get grounded. parents policies, School, Church, Home. no friends, no phone, no games. no tv. you have books. read.

 now it seems like, these days if i wanted someone to talk to i have to wait a month or a week. if i wanted to go anywhere to shop i need to do it online cause people will think i’m going to do something to them. that i need to ignore everyone in the room just to tell my manager that i’m clocking out and tell my coworkers, my manager and the customer that’s there to ‘be safe.’

i hate what this world has become. people think that the only way to show kindness is if you deserve it. the only way to get kindness is to get the necessary qualifications (like if you have a nice body or whatever fits their qualifications.).

but why not show it to someone who needs it? the world is shit right now, no one wants to be nice, everyone wants to play either the blame game or the victim, but no one wants to just say ‘Fuck it, i’m going to be nice to this person.’ 

[lovemesomesurveys]

2 for 1 special.

1. Are you one of those survey takers who take off tags? Why or why not? No, that’s really shitty. There’s rarely a tag on the surveys I find, whether there wasn’t one to begin with or someone else removed it, but if there is one I keep it there.  2. What kind of signs do you use when you pose for pictures? (i.e peace signs, thumbs up, rock, etc) I don’t make any signs. My signature pose is I slightly angle my head a certain way and give a closed mouth smile. 3. How often do you clean your room? Ugh, my room is bad right now. It’s really cluttery. I have too much stuff and not enough space. I’ve been wanting to go through and get rid of some things, but I just can’t seem to muster up the energy. Or the motivation. :/ It’s driving me nuts cause my room used to always be clean, but now it’s messy like me. 4. Where do you find new bands? I generally find new music on Spotify, but sometimes from my brother. 5. Do you have a favorite survey taker around xanga? If so, who? Well, obviously not Xanga (RIP), but there’s a pretty great group of us survey takers on here. Ya’ll know who you are. (:

6. How about survey maker? Do you have a favorite? I did, but they don’t make surveys anymore I don’t think. :( 7. What color is your computer chair? I always have my laptop on my bed. 8. When you buy a magazine, do you cut out the pictures that you like so you can put them on the wall, or do you keep the magazine the way it is? I did in my preteen and early teenage years. 9. Do you like to read? If so, what kind of books do you read and who is your favorite author, if you have one? I love to read. I like YA, NA, mystery, and psychological thriller.  10. Do you make 'To Do' lists often? No, but if I actually have something I need to do I’ll sometimes set a reminder on my phone. 11. Who is your worst teacher? And why is he/she the worst? I’m done with school. 12. Do you organize your files on your computer? Yeah. 13. Isn't it funny how almost every survey asks what your favorite color is? That one doesn’t bother me. There’s other repetitive questions that irk me, though. 14. How long can you go without eating? My appetite fluctuates. There’s days where I hardly eat anything or don’t eat anything until much later in the day. There’s bad days where I don’t eat at all, but I don’t allow more than a day, though. If my appetite is that messed up I have to make myself try and eat something.  15. Do you carry a bag when you go out? I’ve been using a mini backpack. I’ve been into those instead of a purse now. 16. Have you seen that Converse high heels? Would you wear it if you had the chance to? I’ve seen them... they don’t appeal to me at all. I couldn’t wear them anyway. 17. Do you have a motto in life? Or any saying that you believe in? Meh. 18. How often do you pray? Not as often as I should /: <<< I tell myself I need to more, but for some reason I don’t.  19. Do you have any bad habits? Oh do I. 20. Do you want to change your name? If so what name do you want? No thanks. I've already been Stephanie for so long. To change my name now would just be weird. . . <<< Haha, same! 21. Do you like wearing flip flops? I never wear flip flops or any kind of sandal or open toed shoe. 22. What Math subject is your favorite? (I.e. Algebra, Statistics, Business Math, Trigonometry, Geometry, etc.) None of them, you sicko. 24. How about Science? I like psychology, which falls under the social sciences category. 25. Would you ever dye your hair? If so what color? I’ve dyed my hair numerous times. I had blonde highlights for several years, went black one year, and since 2015 I’ve been dyeing my hair red. 26. What is the funniest thing that happened to you today? Nothing so far, it’s only 5 in the morning. Only 5 in the morning, ha. I need to go to bed. 27. Do you wish during 11:11? Nope. 28. Do you know the site PostSecret.com? If you do not, check it, now! I’m familiar with it, yes. It’s been around for several years. 29. Do you have a favorite Youtuber? If so, who? And what is your favorite video by them? I have several. 30. If you have to pick JUST ONE between TV, iPod, and computer, what would you pick and why? Computer. I can do pretty much anything on my computer. <<< Yeah, that’s an easy one. I swapped iPod for iPhone and still picked computer. 31. Do you study for exams? What subject do you study the most for? I did when I was in school. I studied for all my exams. 32. What is something that you do not like? A lot of things. 33. Have you ever liked a band because of their looks? No, I like bands/artists for their music. If they’re attractive, that’s just an added bonus. 34. Do you have trust issues? It’s not really that. I just have a hard time opening up to people and expressing myself. I tend to keep a lot to myself. 35. What is the appropriate length for a survey? I like at least 25 questions, but more is better.  Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Yes. Have you ever been locked in a car with a bf/gf? No. Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? No. How do you know you love someone, personally? I just know. I don’t feel like getting all deep right now. Would you ditch friends to be with a bf/gf? No. I mean, unless my boyfriend really needed me in that moment or something came up. “Ditch” sounds harsh, though. I’d let them know and try to reschedule.  How many true best friends are present in your life? I just have my family, which I’m perfectly fine with. Do you currently have a significant other? No. Do your parents approve of the people you hang out with? I’m 30 years old and don’t have any friends, but they never had an issue with any of my friends. Would you be able to stand being in the same room as someone you hate? I don’t hate anyone. If I really didn’t like someone; though, I could still be civil. I wouldn’t have to interact with them, and if I did I would be polite, but keep it short. I wouldn’t say more than I needed to. I’m sure it would be awkward, though. Even uncomfortable, depending on the situation.  Do you depend on people at all, in any way? Yes. I’ve become pretty dependent these past few years, especially. Have you ever lost a close friend? That’s life. Has anybody ever held a grudge against you for a dumb reason? Not to my knowledge. Think of your current or last bf/gf. Do you/did you love them? I did, but no, not anymore. I don’t have any bad feelings towards them, though. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? I’m single currently, but that didn’t happen in the past. Not to my face, anyway. Do you date different people til you find the right one, or do you wait? I’ve been single for almost 7 years.  Have you ever stayed up late talking to a bf/gf on the phone or online? Yes. Do your friends like the people you date? Do their friends like you? My friends had an issue with Joseph because they didn’t like how he treated me. Do your parents let you date, or do you sneak around? I’m 30 years old. I can’t use “my parents don’t let me date” as an excuse for why I’ve been single haha.  Have you ever felt backstabbed by a close friend? Yes. Do you have any handshakes with anybody? No. Do you feel you can rely on anybody to always be there for you? Yes, my family. Have you ever regretted ignoring anybody? I’ve regretted pushing certain people away. Have you ever kissed someone in their bedroom, or in yours? No. Has a friend of yours ever confessed their love to you? Not romantically, but I had a friend who got really lovey dovey when she was drunk and would start crying and telling me she loved me lol. Have you gone out with someone, then ruined the friendship you had before? Yes. Can you trust any of your friends at full capacity? I trust my family with my life. Is the word 'love' even in your vocabulary? Yes. Who do you think is more confusing, males or females? People in general are confusing. Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? Written, yes. Can you be your complete and honest self in front of anyone? Yeah. Do you tend to hide your emotions from certain people? Yes. I also downplay a lot. Do you have any pictures of yourself with a bf/gf? Yeah, somewhere. Do your friends know how to make you smile in tough times? I don’t have friends, but yes my family does. Do you have inside jokes with anybody? Yeah. Has anybody said they loved you, but you didn't love them back? Yes. Is there anyone you don't like that always seems to be everywhere you are? Myself. Haaa. Is there anyone you care about more than you care for yourself? My loved ones. They’re the most important thing to me. Who in your life is your number one priority to make sure they're happy? I want my loved ones to be happy. 

[princesstadashi]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by @princess-kidatheart17​

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: Mountain Dew (although I’m trying to cut down on it ‘cause I know it’s hurting my teeth... ^^;) 2. Phone call: NYOPE BYEEEEEEEE 3. Text message: Better than call, but still not great.  4. Song you listen to: “If I Die Young” (there’s a cover I love done by a guy but it was in an AMV and no source to the artist so I don’t know who sang it :() 5. Time you cried: Most days.

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: Had a couple dates about two years ago but for the most part no reciprocated romance </3 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Never kissed anyone.

8. Been cheated on: Nope.

9. Lost someone special: No one has ever died IRL that I’m close to, but I’ve had some people move away/move on that have been hard. Now if we’re talking fictional characters? ...I AM RIDING THE DENIAL TRAIN FAAAARRRR AWAY. 10. Been depressed: There’s an option other than being depressed? 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No drinking for me with all my mental illnesses.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: White, pink, charcoal grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yeah, lots of awesome new tumblr friends this year! :D 16. Fallen out of love: It’s... Complicated. 17. Laughed until you cried: Oh yes, just last night XD 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Apparently the kids in my high school had rumors that i was gay. Joke’s on you guys, I actually AM gay and I can’t wait to see their faces at the reunion when I hopefully walk in with a girl on my arm XD 19. Met someone who changed you: Yes, my best friend <3 20. Found out who your friends are: Yeah 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: No kissing for me so far :P

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost everyone--have a couple people from cosplay groups, but I don’t usually add strangers. 23. Do you have any pets: Sadly no, not right now. I want a cat! 24. Do you want to change your name: Sometimes I wish people IRL would call me Dashi. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Day of I worked, but my bro took me out to the mall the Sunday after and my birth parents took me to see Cars 3 the weekend before so that was nice. 26. What time do you wake up: If I’m on vacation/weekends, if I can I’ll stay up ‘til 4:00 am and sleep in until 2-2:30 pm XD 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Crying about having to go home... 28. Name something you can’t wait for: For me and my best friend actually to live in the same state and hopefully have an apartment together! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Last week for my adopted mom and a couple weeks ago for my birth mom (which I’m not complaining about on the latter...) 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Main one is private, but maybe that all my online friends actually lived close to me? 31. What are you listening to right now: My best friend playing Disney Infinity 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I had a teacher named Coach Thomas, if that counts! 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: When I go out of my way to be noncontroversial/spare other people’s feelings to be nice and then people don’t extend me the same courtesy. (Especially when it come to ships.) 34. Most visited website: Deviant Art or Tumblr ^^

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: Lots, but most noticeably one below my nose on the right side and one by my left ear (I worry that they might end up being cancerous so they might eventually have to be removed, yikes...) 36. Mark/s: A weird bump on my scalp, some old *trigger warning* self harm scars that show up when I tan too much 37. Childhood dream: Be a cowgirl (after seeing Toy Story 2), to run a bed and breakfast, or to be a mermaid (would still love that one <3), to publish a book (still working on that!!!) 38. Hair color: Dark blonde, almost brown 39. Long or short hair: Really freaking long. (Down to my waist, but I definitely want it longer!) 40. Do you have a crush on someone: My romance life is a hot mess, let’s not go there. 41. What do you like about yourself: I’m really good at writing and doing arts and crafts stuff. :) I also like that I’m apparently a pretty good listener ^^. 42. Piercings: Naw, I’m scared of needles ^^;  43. Blood type: O- (I think--I just know that I’m the universal donor!) 44. Nickname: Dashi/Nii-chan/Oneesan/Mein Schwester  45. Relationship status: Very much single with no real prospects.  46. Zodiac: Cancer 47. Pronouns: She/Her, but I’m genderfluid so I’m cool with They/Them or He/Him ^^ 48. Favorite TV Show: Oh man, too many to choose from! XD Star Wars Rebels come to mind for cartoons, and I also love Glee and Parks & Rec for live action shows!

49. Tattoos: None at present. I’d love to have Tadashi tattooed on my back and possibly a Baymax or Hiro on my right ankle ^^ 50. Right or left hand: Right. 51. Surgery: None, and terrified of anesthesia so hopefully none for a good long while... 52. Hair dyed in different color: Never permanent dye (sprayed it a couple times for Halloween as a kid), and I’ve considered long and pink or a boy-short chop and dying it black, but I like my hair the way it is for the most part so I just use lots of wigs for now XD 53. Sport: NOOOO. I mean, I did ice skating for a bit in 6th grade and it was fun, but other than that I absolutely hate them, watching or participating >.< 55. Vacation: Going to see my best friend, of course! And anywhere Disney! Me and the best friend want to visit all the Disney Parks at some point so there’s that! (I would also love to go to England someday!) 56. Pair of trainers: I’m assuming this means the U.S. word “sneakers”? I personally love high tops but only ever owned one pair and they’ve not particularly practical. ^^; Same thing goes for boots (my favorite type of footwear, although I only have, like, one pair that are pretty beat up at this point.) So usually I wear my really comfy plain black work sneakers if I want to be comfortable ^^

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: Nothing right now, but possibly some chips and french onion dip in a bit 58. Drinking: Sparkling lemonade 59. I’m about to: Get food, probably XD 61. Waiting for: My life to sort itself the fuck out  62. Want: Same as above. Fredashi and Hezra being canon would also be awesome. More realistically? To finish my book and maybe be lucky enough for it to be mildly successful. 63. Get married: Probably not unless things sort themselves out :/ 64. Career: Someday hopefully a librarian and an author

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Probably hugs since I love cuddling but I’ve never kissed anyone so no real experience to go on. 66. Lips or eyes: Definitely eyes! 67. Shorter or taller: I like being short-ish for the most part--most of my friends are taller than me, but it is fun meeting people who are actually shorter than me XD 68. Older or younger: Probably older? Most of my friends are older than me ^^ 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach, maybe? TBH I have some body image issues/*trigger warning*mild anorexia so I try not to put too much focus on my physical appearance 71. Sensitive or loud: EXTREMELY sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship, definitely. (I’m ace, so no hooking up for me ^^;) 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Very much hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: NOPE. 75. Drank hard liquor: DOUBLE NOPE. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes, and also broken glasses. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah ^^; 78. Sex on the first date: Nope, I’m ace so none for me 79. Broken someone’s heart: I hope not, and if so, I’m very sorry!!! 80. Had your heart broken: Yep. 81. Been arrested: No, and I pray it never happens to me! (If I did, it wold probably be for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, I try to avoid doing anything even remotely illegal ^^;) 82. Cried when someone died: Yeah, I cry about everyone and everything, IRL or fictional 83. Fallen for a friend: Yep....

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: Sometimes yes, sometimes no. 85. Miracles: I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for a whole bunch of miracles, so hell yeah. 86. Love at first sight: I believe in attraction at first sight, but I really think you need to get to know someone in order to truly be in love with them. 87. Santa Claus: I was brought up not believing in him, but I would love for him to be real <3 88. Kiss on the first date: Definitely not for me, a kiss is something very sacred to me. But if that’s your thing, go for it!!!

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: KingdomHeartsLover! 91. Eye color: Bluish/Greenish, depends on what I’m wearing/lighting 92. Favorite movie: BIG HERO 6, you guys should know this XD

((Randomly doing this while on vacation for fun, but I probably won’t actually be on until Thursday--see you guys then!))