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foap-enjoyer · 11 months

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2023 Halloween funny moments.

Bit of a different kind of post than normal, but I just wanted to share with the world.

I answer my door each year on Halloween (In the UK) with my many, many animals (snakes, lizards, spiders, ect), and these are some of the best responses I've gotten to each animal this specific year:

With pictures!

So trigger warning for snakes/lizards/cockroaches/tarantulas.

Lizard (Bearded dragon) (adult) - Is that a gecko? - Oh mum look, it's a... it's... a dinosaur? - Oh wow, that's cool. It's a Komodo lizard thing, right? - Mum! Mum look! He has an armadillo-thingy! - Oh my teacher used to have one of those. It died, I think. - It licked me IT LICKED ME I'M GOING TO DIE - Oh my God it's ACE, HI ACE I KNOW YOU (People know my lizard more than me..)

Snake (Royal 'ball' Python) (adult) - Holy SHIT - Get that thing away FROM MEEEE - Why would you own one of those. Respectfully, Mr.. snake.. owner, sir? - That's one wicked worm my guy - Is it a boa constrictor? I know snakes really well. - I WANNA HOLD IT MUM CAN I HOLD IT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - I like snakes. They like violence, like me. ("Oh, actually he's very shy and gentle...") I don't like this snake. - MUM IT'S THE SNAKE MAN! (I'm well known in these parts as the 'reptile man' haha)

~ Snake (Hognose snake) (adult) - Why can't I hold this snake? ("Because he's very mean. He eats children") *cries* ("Only bad children, I promise!") *cries harder* - He's ginger! Ewwww! - He's very small... But it's the personality that counts, hey mate? - It's a cornsnake! With a.. oh. It's nose is deformed. Was it inbred?

~ Tarantula (Nhandu Chromatus/Brazillian Red 'n' white) (adult) - FUCK NO. FUCK. NO. - PISS OF YA DAFT CUNT (To the spider, not me... I think?) - Is it fluffy? Like a dog, I mean. It looks spiky, like a hedgehog. - Can I hold it? ("No, I'm sorry, they're fragile) Wow I've been lied to I thought they were tough as hell. - You, yeah both of you, you've got issues. - It looks like a Tony or something. Is it called Tony? - That fuckers bigger than my face, you feed him fingers or something?

~ Tarantula (Brachypelma hamorii/Mexican red knee) (baby) - Oh my God... You know what? That's kind of cute. - Mum, can we get one? "Fuck no, Tyler." - It's... what exactly does it do ("Nothing?") well that's boring. - It at least looks cuter than the house-spider I let stay in the corner of my room. He's called Terry.

~ Madagascan hissing cockroaches (adults) - Why would you own these. - Oh these are those hissing ones... Why aren't they hissing? - It bit me ("It's just her legs holding on") damn gurl you got some daggers on your feet - Can I steal them - Can I eat them - Can I take a selfie with them? - What are their names? ("Oh they're named after Mario princesses-") DAMN where's Princess Peach? PEACH?? PEACH WHERE ARE YOU?! (Don't worry, he found Peach, Peach is the third one. Yes, I can tell them apart)

Just a small reminder that I am an actual professional with these animals and I don't recommend doing this for Halloween unless you know what you're doing and, more importantly, know your animal (especially with tarantulas!). I did not let any child or adult hold my tarantulas nor my hognose (They're venomous, even if it's a small dose, allergic reactions may occur), and I know my python well enough to know he'll never strike, same with my beardie.

These are, also, not the only animals I have. I have thirteen in total :)

Just a lil notice! All fun though! Hope you enjoyed!

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mammons-wife · 3 years

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Mammon X F! Reader

This is part of my Sukuna x Reader fic that I forgot I even published on another platform. I hope whoever comes across it enjoys it, Mammon is definitely ooc because I only used his name due to lacking a name at the time but this version of Mammon

*HAPPY MC NOISES* I think I indulged myself, I didn't have a good grasp of his personality then, also its just a side character that in no way was supposed to be interpreted as "Mammon" aside from his name, :) But I hope yall like it!

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Fulfill your duties calmly and respectfully. Reflect before you act, this shall bring you honor and glory." I recited the words out loud, the hand maid who had been out in charge of my studies nodded.

"Perfect." The thin leather journal she held in her left hand snapped closed, "You're dismissed for the day, feel free to return to your room." I thanked her and calmly made my way out of the small room I had just spent hours knelt in.

After sliding the shoji door closed I ran, rushing to get back to the main palace. I made my way around and happy about bumping straight into the only person I wanted to see, until I felt myself bouncing off of said person.

I reached out grab their Kimono only to feel their hand on my lower back and the other taking my hand to help steady me.

I opened my eyes realizing I squeezed them closed, "Mammon!" I smiled up at him, but my heart was beating against my ribs, we were close due to how he caught me, not letting me even take a step back for the chance to fall.

"You know princess, if you run around like that you'll fall for just anyone and that'll just hurt my feelings." He had a mischievous smile as his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Oh," I swallowed trying to come up with an excuse, "I . . . I actually have nothing to say,,,, but!" I smiled again, "I was looking for you!"

"Hm?" He hummed and started to let me go, "well, I found you."

"Do you have him?" I asked getting a bit excited.

"Goldie?" He asked before reaching into his pocket.

"You named it?" I asked and tilted my head.

"That's not important." He brushed it off and pulled a very small snake with a metallic sheen from his pocket, it was coiled up.

"He's precious." I cooed sticking a finger out to him, his tongue flicked out before he laid his head down and just eyed me.

"Are you going to keep him?" I asked softly stroking the snakes scales.

"I'd love to but," he brought he free hand up and held my palm up, "He's yours, you turn sixteen soon and even if that ratty teacher of yours demands you have no pets you deserve one."

I looked at the tiny snake he'd put in my palm, and up at him. I felt my bottom lip move on its own, quivering as I sniffled, I hugged him best I could while holding said snake. "Thank you so much Mammon, it means so much." I hugged him feeling my tears running hot against my cheeks. "I'll love him and I swear on my life I won't let anyone hurt him!"

"Good, now let's get you to your room, you need to rest. Your eyes are turning dark." I felt him hesitate before he placed a hand on my back the other on my head running down smoothing out my hair.

•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•

"Mammon?" I called while yawning.

"Very appropriate way to call someone yeah?" He cocked a brow at me faint smile on his lips.

"Sorry, it just felt lonely. I wanted to make sure you were here." I blinked at the dull lamp that sat on the table where he also sat.

"I'm not going anywhere princess, so just close your eyes and rest. I'll be here when you wake up." He seemed amused as he propped an arm on the table and rested his chin on his hand.

"Promise?" I asked and he nodded, "Promise."

I yawned before pulling the blanket up turning on my side, I blinked a few times before sleep pulled me under.

"So pretty." I reached out touching the soft white hair that was in my lap. His eyes opened, such a pretty color, a bright blue that shifted when his eyes moved. The light made them look like they could glow.

"Princess?"

I pouted at the name, but hummed, "hm?"

I looked around, the field we were in looked so peace full, everything looked soft, the long grass was bending in the wind, stray dandelion bits filling the air carried by the wind, the morning sun glowing on his skin, the trees around us shaking softly with a faint rustle reminding me we're still in this world.

"We should go," I watched as he started to sit up, brushing off his white attire.

I blinked at him before he held his hand out to me, I took it and he helped me stand, his left hand held my left hand bringing it closer to his chest while his right hand placed itself on my lower back.

"Don't worry princess, I promised I'd find you over and over, I swore I wouldn't never hurt you or let you get hurt." He pulled me closer to his side, and pressed a kiss onto my head, "I will live by that promise in this life and in the ones to come."

"Princess?"....."Princess?" ...... "Y/n?" I woke up, I blinked at nothing before I turned to my right, Mammon was there. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked concerned, I noticed one of his hands was on my own the other was brushing hair away.

"Are you Alright?" He asked while I tried to sit up.

"I think so." I yawned and tried to stretch my back.

"You were crying, I just wanted to make sure you were awake if it was a bad dream." He squeezed my hand, I looked at where his hand held mine, after a while I squeezed back.

"Yeah, it was a good dream. I guess I didn't realize . . ." I smiled, it was small but still a smile.

"Do you need anything? Water, tea? I'll get a maid to bri-" "No, it's fine, just sit with me here for a while please."

After getting comfortable and shifting around in the big bed Mammon sat with his back to the headboard where the pillows were, his legs stretched out. I was leaning against the left side of his chest, my head where his chest met his shoulder, his left arm was around my waist and his free hand holding my right . I was admiring his white kimono, under the flames glow it was golden, it contrasted against the red and gold bed coverings. I felt the sleep pulling me in again before I yawned, I flinched awake.

"Shhh shhh," his hand on my waist rubbed my arm, "It's okay, I'm here, you can rest now."

I nodded against his shoulder and yawned again, "Thank you." I squeezed his hand before I finally managed to fall asleep.

•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•_•

I grunted as I shuffled around, trying to get comfortable again. I blinked focusing my vision, I looked up to see Mammon sleeping, his mouth slightly open, he looked peaceful... the longer I stared at him, the more I wondered, the guy from my dreams, could it have been him?

I noticed his Kimono's top was falling open, his tan chest was on display. I admired his skin, he stuck out around here. Most people had pale pale skin or painted their faces with make up to look that way. But Mammon, he's lovely...

"Hey Princess, if you stare any longer I'll start to think you have other intentions."

I jumped slightly at the sudden voice.

"Tch, yeah right." I pulled away starting to sit up, after a bit of silence and hearing my stomach growl, "I'm hungry."

"Then," I watched as he stood opening his Kimono before he readjusted it, "I'll walk you to the dinning room before I start my rounds."

I nodded, "Thank you."

After he fixed his Kimono I made him wait outside while I fixed my own and pulled my hair back into a nice bun. I finished up and decided I'd have a bath after meal. I left my room and found Mammon outside waiting.

"Did you forget about Goldie?" He asked he looked amused.

"Goldie?" I asked confused before I realized, "Oh! He's in my room still wait a minute!" I ran back into my room and to a clothes chest. It was open, I'd laid a thick blanket over the clothes and there was Goldie coiled up. I picked him up and carried him with me as I went back outside.

"Alright, now were ready." I smiled at Mammon who smiled back and tied a Katana to the wrap he'd tied around his waist, I noticed the inro hanging from his waist also.

"You use it?" I asked smiling again, it was a small metal compartment box, the seal on the string keeping it tied to his waist had my family crest, the actual metal box had two tancho koi. The box was black, the first koi gold with a silver spot, the second silver with a gold spot.

"Why wouldn't I? A special person gave it to me." He winked and I just looked away and scoffed, "They must not be that special if I've never seen them."

Just as I said that he got into a defensive pose and pulled out his Katana I panicked and looked at him.

"Did you see that?" He asked in a low voice, and I got closer to him moving to stand behind him, "What?"

I saw his eyes move through the reflection of his Katana and he looked at me through the Katana, "That special someone."

He stood right and brought the side of his katana to my eye level, "You see them now don't you?"

I smacked his arm, "DONT!" I made a frustrated noise, "DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT!"

He smiled while sheathing the katana, "Come on Princess, let's get you something to eat before you roll over."

He started to walk and stopped, I didn't realize it but I was holding onto his sleeve out of fear. He made a noise, a hum, "Aw Princess, I didn't know I scared you that bad, do you need me to hold your hand?"

I puffed my cheeks out, "No!.....maybe..."

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