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spidernerdsblog · 4 years ago

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Wildest Dreams

Pairing: actor! Tom Holland x actress! Reader

Summary : Based on Taylor Swift’s song Wildest dreams. You thought Tom was the love of your life but it was just one of your wildest dreams.

Warnings : 18+,SMUT, mature content, infidelity, angst, tom being a douchebag.

"Today we have with us the Oscar winning renowned actress the one and only Y/N Y/L/N!" The RJ hyped you up.

"Hello everyone" you spoke on the mic in front of you smiling.

"Well first of all congratulations Y/N on your big oscar win."

"Thank you so much. I’m still recovering from it not gonna lie." You chuckle. The RJ asked you a bunch of other questions which you replied cheerfully.

"So you have been casted to play Morgan Stark in the next part of Marvel Avengers movie."

"Yes and I am looking forward to it. Being in a Marvel film was always on my wishlist and I can finally tick it off."

"Do you feel yourself under pressure as you will be continuing a legacy?"

"It’s definitely a pressure playing Tony Stark’s daughter and living upto the standards of none other than RDJ. Luckily he is personally mentoring me and I think I’ll fare well. I have read the script which I can't reveal much but playing the grown up version of Morgan who is a part of the Avengers will be a lot of fun."

"Well saying so you are also going to be sharing screen with Tom Holland after a long time. What do you have to say about the rumours of you being speculated as the possible reason behind his relationship with his fiancee hitting the rocks?" you took a moment before answering the question.

"Well a lot of things fly in the air we don't catch on everything right? And I have always made it clear that we never dated, we are just friends that's all."

"So you are still single?"

"And not interested to mingle." You chuckle.

"Well it was nice to have you with us today, Y/N."

"It was my pleasure. Love you guys bye."

The show ended and you headed out of the office building for the pre production meeting arranged by Marvel with the whole cast. You were sitting in your posh car, the last question of the RJ about your relationship with Tom still spiraling in your mind. You reminisced about one of your past mistakes. Though you wouldn't call it a mistake because you fell for a wrong person but when he left he gave you a life lesson which you will remember in your lifetime that 'nothing lasts forever'.

It started with a small Instagram follow but who knew it would take you down like that.

It all happened 2 years ago in a promotional show just like this. Your acting career had just begun and you had managed to create quite a buzz in and around the industry delivering two blockbusters mesmerizing the critics and audiences with your spectacular performance in your three year acting career. You were in a radio show for the promotion of your upcoming movie. The RJs were interviewing you.

"Well Tom Holland was here the other day and we asked who he likes among the upcoming new talents in the industry. He said and we quote that you are cute, sexy and very talented." the lady said.

"Well what do I say thank you Tom." you giggle shyly.

"Have you guys ever met?" the other male RJ asked.

"Not really, though we had a chance to interact during the comic con. But I really admire his work and would love to work with him in future."

"But I have to inform you that he is a little disappointed that he follows you but you never followed him back." the lady jokes.

"Well I can fix that I guess.'' You took out your phone from your jeans pocket and opened your insta app.

"And here we go, officially following Tom Holland." You said tapping the follow button.

"I hope now you are not upset anymore, Tom." you chuckle.

In less than a month you were signed up for a Netflix movie. It was a rom com and you were casted opposite none other than Tom Holland. The shooting began within two months.

You were on the set sitting in your trailer facetiming your mom.

"Honey are you eating well?" Your mom asked.

"Yes mom I am." You assured her when you heard a knock as the door of your trailer opened and the person’s head popped in, it was Tom. You waved your hand to usher him in.

"Five minutes please." You mouthed to him

"It’s okay," he mouthed back sitting on a chair.

"Who is it?" Your mom asked.

"It's my costar you know him, the guy from spiderman." You inform her.

"Oh the one you have a crush on?"

"Mom!" You shrieked utterly embarrassed with your mom revealing your secret.

"What? You only said that he is cute."

"Ok-ok I get it you made your point but I have to go now, I'll talk to you later."

"OK sweetie take care."

"Yeah bye mom." You ended the call heaving a sigh of relief and turned towards him.

"Ignore my mom. I just told her that you were cute in the homecoming movie and she just assumed I have a crush on you."

"Oh that's fine." He gave you a warm smile.

"So what's up?" You chirped.

"Umm just here to talk about the scenes we are going to shoot tomorrow together."

"Oh you mean the sex scenes?"

"Umm yeah." He said uneasiness clearly in his voice.

"Tom Holland nervous about some sex scenes?" You joked.

"No-no it's, it's not like that. I just want to make sure that you are comfortable tomorrow so I just wanted to discuss it beforehand."

"Oh that's really nice of you. Well honestly I'm always nervous before such scenes. Though it's partial nudity but still the scenes are quite passionate and vividly described."

"Don't worry I'll try my best to make it easy and comfortable for you."

"Thank you Tom."

"Pleasure is all mine." he smiled.

The next day on the set the director gave you the last minute reading of the scene that you are going to shoot. You and Tom walked in the frame. As per the script you guys play characters who are friends with benefits but both of you grow feelings for each other. When one confronts the other it leads to an angsty moment but soon turns into passionate love making.

The camera started rolling and as soon as the director said "action!". You both got into your characters and played your parts flawlessly as per the script.

"Why don’t you find someone who doesn’t hurt you?" You ask

"But I love you, Emma." Tom replies with a soft tone.

"Liam you don’t understand I was never good at this." You say with frustration in your voice.

"What.. talking?" He sarcasms.

"Yeah talking, communicating, relationships.." You were cut off as he captured your lips for a kiss.

"Well neither was I but we can figure it out slowly." his gaze was intense as your eyes were glassy.

The next thing you did was, crashed your lips to his. It had to be a very messy sloppy one so both of you rolled your tongues into each other’s mouth. You popped open the buttons of his shirt out of desperation and then pushed him onto the bed. Tom plopped on the soft mattress as you got up to straddle him around his waist pulling your sweatshirt off your body revealing your red lacy bra underneath. Tom let out a light gasp it wasn’t to happen but the whole act turned him on as he felt blood rushing down south. You carried on the act like a true professional and leaned on to his face capturing his thin lips. He deepened the kiss holding your face and you kept on grinding on his crotch. The kiss grew heavy then you were suddenly aware of the growing bulge underneath you but you continued anyhow 'he is a human getting aroused is normal' you kept on repeating that in your mind. His hand trailed up your back and unclasped your bra.

And with the scene coming to an end the director shouted "cut!"

"Well done you guys." The director praised. You pulled away and got off him as the costume runner handed you your robe to cover you up, you slipped it on and tied it around your body.

Tom's eyes never left you as you made your way back to your trailer to retouch your makeup and take a rest before the next scene starts. He was always known to be a professional but you made his mind go haywire. You on the other hand could only think about the scene, how you felt his hard on though it wasn't his fault it happens sometimes you reminded yourself.

After the unit packed up for the day you were on your way back to your car as you heard a car honking behind you. You stopped as the car pulled over and the windows rolled down.

"Need a ride?" Tom asked sweetly.

"No thanks, I have my own." You gave a tight lipped smile.

"C'mon it's been a hectic week for both of us we should really blow off some steam and I don't want to get drunk alone too."

"Okay." You gave in breaking into a smile. You sat in the front seat as he drove the car while you texted your manager Mike about your change of plans.

"So where are we going?" you ask.

"Just in and about the town.'' everything went silent again before Tom cleared his throat and began.

"Umm listen Y/N I'm.."

"It's okay Tom it happens sometimes I didn't mind anything." You cut him off saving him and you from the awkward conversation. He took you to a local pub and had a few drinks together. Later you got back into the car both of you totally buzzed. You were laughing about something as Tom kept staring at you.

"What?" you ask giggling. What came into his mind you don't know as he just straight up went to grab your face and kissed you, catching you off guard. You pushed him away, bewildered.

"Tom! What are you doing?!"

"Sorry, sorry, I-I just couldn't control myself. Ever since I saw you like that you are the only thing in my mind." he rambled.

"But that doesn't mean you can kiss me."

"Don't tell me you didn't like it." his voice low as he brought his hand to your cheek.

"Well.." Your words were stuck in your throat as your gaze dropped to his lips and you leaned forward to kiss him again fervently.

"Your place or mine?" He asked, pulling away gasping.

"Whichever is close." You said out of breath.

He never drove his car this fast the way he drove tonight to reach his apartment rented by the production company for him. You weren't even completely inside his apartment as he crashed his lips and pushed you against the door. You moaned into the kiss as he picked you up and carried you to his bedroom.

You woke up the next morning as the sunlight hit your face squinting your eyes open. You stir on the bed to find yourself tangled in bedsheets and in the arms of Tom.

"Goodmorning, love." His voice husky as he looks down at you with his soft brown eyes. You sit up abruptly holding the sheets to your chest wide eyed as you recollect the memories of last night. Mike your manager had always warned you that you should avoid getting into any kind of relationship with your costars. You are young and new to this industry, a good image is what you need right now.

"No, no, no this was a mistake. This should have never happened." You repent holding your head. Tom sits up holding your shoulders comfortingly.

"Hey-Hey it’s okay. Last night was really good.I understand you don't know me well and your career has just begun so you don't want a relationship but that doesn't mean we can't have a little bit of fun." saying so he went for a kiss but you pull away.

"That's not the point Tom! We are colleagues and I want to keep it that way. And this will never happen again. This will be the first and last." You made it clear and left his apartment.

🥀

However Tom made it a mission to tease the hell out of you on set. You would often find him subtly touching you whenever he got the chance, when you were sitting together his fingers lazily dancing around your thighs making you shiver as he flashed you a cocky grin because he is totally aware of what he is doing to you.

You reached your breaking point on the day you had to shoot another sex scene. The scene required minimal clothing. You would be just wearing your underwear and modesty patches to cover your breasts which will leave little to anyone's imagination. You took off your robe and lied down on the bed underneath the white covers Tom got on top of you in just his boxers. You licked your lips as you saw the prominent outline of his dick through the fabric which only reminded you of the night you slept together. He propped over you on his forearms a pillow kept between you.

As the director shouted 'action', Tom leaned down to kiss you, dragging his lips down your body, sucking on to your skin as he massaged your breast with his hand. He could feel your nipple harden through the patch as you began to let out small moans as per the script. The heat radiating from his body was so overwhelming you could just think of him railing you to the mattress. Heat pooled between your legs and you were thankful that there is a pillow separating you or else he would easily get to know how wet you are.

You closed your eyes, hands slipping on to his back letting out fake moans as he carried on rutting his hips on the pillow. Suddenly a chill ran down your spine when you felt two slender fingers brushing near your heat.

"Did I make you wet, darling?" he whispered, chuckling lowly into your ears. Your breath hitched as you felt your cheeks heat up but you had nothing much to do than just go on with the scene.

The scene ended as soon as the director said "cut!" And you were more than thankful as you quickly slipped into the robe. But you were hot and bothered as you exchanged glances as you both agreed to an unspoken agreement.

And a few agonising moments later you find yourself bent down gazing at your flushed out reflection with droopy eyes in the dirty mirror of one of the restrooms on set you both snuck into to relieve your sexual frustration. Your dress bunched up to your waist as Tom thrusted inside you hard and fast.

"Fuck darling! This feels so better when I actually get to fuck this pretty little pussy instead of wasting my energy humping a damn pillow." He grunted drawing back his hip to slam right into you as you jolted forward trying to keep yourself steady gripping on the edge of the marble.

"Fuck Tom!" you moaned. Your legs felt wobbly; knees on the verge of giving out as Tom’s hands expertly supported you. One of his hands slipped between your thighs rubbing circles stimulating your sensitive bud. You gasped at the added pleasure.

"Tell me sweetheart who is fucking you so well?" He asked cockily.

"You T-Tom you." you were finding it hard to form proper words.

"Damn right." he chuckles.

Just then there was a knock on the door. You squeaked in surprise and Tom immediately covered your mouth with his hand. You glared at him through the mirror.

"Miss Y/L/N?" It was your assistant Rebecca. Tom removed his hand from your mouth still going on with his menacing pace.

"What the fuck?!!" You seethed.

"You were being loud." he Whisper yells.

"Mam are you there?" She asked again.

"Yeah- yeah. What is it?" You stuttered.

"The next shot will be ready in half an hour. You need to go for your makeup."

"Okay .. ah i’ll be there in a few minutes." You tried to answer as energetically as possible.

"Mam are you okay?" she asked with concern in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just-just go I’ll be there." Tom had a smug grin plastered on his face. You rolled your eyes. His eyes darkened dripping with lust as he thrusted deep inside you again, hitting your spot as you moaned loudly but he pulled you back by your neck, capturing your lips messily muffling your moans. You felt him twitch inside you and you knew you weren’t far away. You heard Rebecca's receding footsteps as Tom increased his pace again tipping you off the edge you both came with a loud moan. His head dropped to the crook of your neck panting, brushing his lips on your sensitive skin. You hissed when he pulled out. He stepped away giving you some space to clean up while he chugged the condom in the bin and zipped his pants fixing his shirt.

"I’ll go out first and you come out later." He said running his fingers through his messy hair trying to tame them. You nodded trying your best to fix your dishevelled appearance.

🥀

This just became a regular thing for you guys sneaking out on the set to end up making out at the most odd places you could ever imagine. Sometimes in your trailers for a quickie.

One time you were making out at the back of your trailer Tom’s hands were roaming around all over your body as he blurted out of nowhere.

"I love you." You broke the kiss and raised a brow.

"You don’t need to show your fake love to get into my pants." Tom frowned.

"What? No I do love you Y/N"

"You’re joking right?" you gave a poker face.

"No Y/N, ever since I met you I fell for you instantly."

"Really?" Your eyes welled up in disbelief.

"Yes, love. I love you and will always love you."

"I love you too." You sealed your lips kissing softly, emotions running high.

You started to feel his presence even more around you after you confessed your feelings for each other. Your wardrobe now consists of half of his clothes which he leaves behind in your room every time he spends the night with you. He tells you he loves you but he is never there the next morning for you. He isn't ready to acknowledge the relationship between you because he says it isn't a good time. You are always dodging the prying eyes of the media.

Yes you were young, naive and trusted people way too easily that is why you didn't see the obvious red flags in your relationship.

🥀

The last scene for the movie was to be shot outdoors near a cliff. The location was picturesque as the last scene was shot of you and Tom kissing each other. After the shooting ended the director officially announced the wrapping up of the film. The crew hugged each other and indulged into a little celebration at the location itself. You went near the cliff soaking in the natural beauty reminiscing about how this was the best summer of your life where you found the love of your life when Tom walked up to you from behind. He brushed aside your hair placing a necklace with a heart shaped pendant around your neck. You let out a light gasp surprised heart swelling up at his loving gesture.

"This-this is beautiful Tom."

"I know, love. Only for the most beautiful woman. This will always remind you of our love."

He wrapped his arms around you as you overlooked the cliff watching the sunset with an orangish yellow hue. His phone buzzed as he took it out from his pocket and saw the caller id.

"I need to take this." He excused himself to take the call. You fiddled with your necklace admiring it and smiling to yourself. One of the runners brought you a bottle of beer you took it and the boy was about to go and give the other bottle to Tom but you stopped him.

"I’ll give it to him." You took the bottle from him and made your way where Tom was busy talking to whoever called over the phone.

"Yeah bye love you. Miss you too." You caught the last bit of his conversation.

"Girlfriend?" You joked startling him. For a moment he felt his breath caught in his throat, he gulped hard before chuckling nervously.

"I’ll be so damned to cheat on you. It was my cousin. Have to go back home, some urgent family work has come up."

"You will leave tomorrow only?" You pout.

"Sorry love." He brings his hand to your cheek.

"What about I go with you? I always wanted to meet your family, I mean my future family." Your eyes sparkled.

"Uh i don’t think that’s a good idea since we are not public yet." he fumbled.

"So let’s go public. You love me, I love you, what's the problem?"

"Ofcourse, love but not this time. Once I return from London we will make our relationship official I promise."

"What if you find a hot brit chick and forget about me?" you pout.

"I can never forget you. This face is worth remembering." he cradled your face lovingly.

"I really want to spend the last few moments with you before I go back."

"I'll keep my door unlocked.'' You winked.

At night Tom stood in front of your hotel room and as you had said the door was unlocked he smiled to himself sneaking into your room quietly. He was startled as you grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him in pinning him against the door pressing your lips to his.

"I’m gonna miss you so much." you say breathing heavily.

"Me too darling."

Pretty soon all your clothes were discarded as you now lay on your bed spread out for him while he pounds into you relentlessly.

"Oh fuck darling you always feel so good around me." He praises thrusting deeper inside you. You grab onto his back wrapping your legs around him. His phone buzzes several times on the bedside table but he was too invested in the pleasure he was getting being buried deep inside you so he decides to ignore it.

"So gorgeous." He purrs trailing his lips down your chest sucking on to your hardened nipples. Your body arches at his touch, your one hand reaching down to rub your clit.

"Yes rub that clit for me." He demands. You clench hard around him as you both reach your own highs. He collapsed on top of you burying his head in the crook of your neck as he pressed a soft kiss on your shoulder before pulling out and rolled over to your side. You turned to him resting your head on his chest. His phone buzzes again and he reaches to receive it but ends the call abruptly seeing the number.

"Who is it?"

"Oh it's no one, darling." He said, stroking your hair gently and pecking on your forehead wrapping you in his warm embrace. You nuzzle your face in his chest listening to his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

You woke up to an empty bed next morning. Tom had an early morning flight so maybe he didn’t want to wake you up you thought, giving yourself false hopes.

First two weeks he used to FaceTime you daily but soon it got limited to plain simple texts and suddenly all of it stopped. Two months went by and you didn't hear anything from Tom but still you kept your hopes high telling yourself he must be busy.

🥀

The time of the premiere for your film was approaching and you were over the moon with just the thought that you were finally going to meet him. At the night of the premier you were dolled up in one of your designer dresses, you decided to ditch your expensive diamond necklace to wear the necklace Tom gave you before leaving. You reached the venue and stepped out of your car as your eyes were flooded with the flashes from the cameras, you gracefully walked the red carpet a wide smile adorning your face. But it didn't last long.

You heard the crowd going frenzy chanting the name of the person you loved the most in this world. You turned around to look at him and froze. He wasn't alone, he had a woman in his arms as they smiled at the cameras. Your heart clenched when you saw the big rock shining on her ring finger. He got engaged and he brought in his fiancee to make the news public. So this was his emergency family work in London.

Tom looked around smiling when his eyes found you standing at a distance with a hardened gaze. His gaze dropped to his feet as a sense of guilt kicked in. You were disgusted and filled with hatred he left you, no he fucking lied to you and was cheating on you this entire time. You never wanted a relationship in the first place. He was the one who professed his love for you and you being the lovesick idiot believed him.

The cast was made to stand together for a group photo. You stood to the left of him. He couldn't dare to meet your eyes.

The movie began as you took your seats and tried focusing on the screen. Tom frequently stole glances of you as memories came flooding in. You caught him glancing at you and you could no longer take this betrayal anymore. He had imagined of getting married one day and starting a family but guess what it was true but just not with you. You informed Mike sitting beside you that you aren't feeling well, he arranged for you to leave. You got up in the middle of the movie and ran out of the auditorium. Tom saw that went after you.

"Y/N wait! Please don't go. Let me explain!" he shouted desperately.

You didn't listen as you ran towards your car with tears in your eyes. You got into it and drove past him as you saw his reflection in the rear view mirror desperately calling out to you. Tears pricked your eyes as you saw the necklace he gave you as a token of love dangling down your neck. You held the necklace and pulled it hard breaking the chain. You took a look at it for one last time and threw it out of the window in rage. You wailed inside the car crying your heart out. That night you made up your mind to only focus on your career no more distractions or false attachments. Your hard work has paid off because two years later you are now an internationally acclaimed star with a strong image, a role model for many and your fans adore you.

Though after that dreadful night you received a string of messages of apologies from Tom which went on for at least a month but you left all of them on seen. Recently he had started texting you again mostly they read 'I miss you', 'can we meet?' He even went on a liking spree on your Instagram account which fueled the rumors of you two possibly getting together. You decided to ignore all of it because you always wanted him to suffer the way you did. You wanted the memories of you to haunt him for eternity like a curse he can't get rid of.

Your car reaches Marvel's office as your bodyguard opens the door and you step out of the car you strut past the gates through the hallways to the room where the meeting was to be held. Your assistant walking by your side briefing you out about your today's schedule. You entered the room to find some of the big names in Hollywood already present and there was Tom too. This is the first time in two years you are finally meeting face to face. His eyes lit up instantly seeing you as he made his way to you enthusiastically.

"Hi Y/N"

"Oh hey Tom." you greeted him with a smile.

"So how are you?" he began but you didn't answer as your eyes were trained on the person behind him, a handsome blonde with icy blue eyes walking right your way.

"Hi Harrison Osterfield." He introduced himself.

"I know, you are playing my love interest and I must say you are totally worth it." You giggled.

"Well it’s my honor to be your love interest." he chuckled.

Tom just stood there as a mere spectator watching his best friend and you flirt with each other. You're totally lost in him, the only thought reeling in your mind.

Fuck he’s gorgeous…..

..................................................................................

(A/N : This crap came out of nowhere. Will I be writing a Harrison osterfield x Reader fic based on 'gorgeous'? who knows🤷‍♀️) Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

Forever taglist: @starcoadrienette2 @hollanddolanfangirl

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland and y/n #tom holland and you #tom holland one shot #tom holland and reader #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #taylor swift

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thestyleswritings · 5 years ago

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Restoration of Faith

REQUEST: (this may be triggering, so i'd understand if you chose not to write it). first-time consensual sex. Y/N lost her virginity in a sexual assault but has been to therapy. It took her a while to be comfortable with sex, but now she decides she's finally ready to have sex with Harry for the first time. He know what happened wants to make it a positive experience for her so he's super gentle and attentive.

"I'm... Nervous," she admits, biting her lower lip once again and truly testing his resolve. Her lips were always a key part in his fantasies. Contrary to her words, she rocks herself onto his growing length, making the pair of them shiver.

"You don't need to be nervous, princess. This is all you. We can do whatever you want and nothing more. The ball is in your court." Harry tells her softly, though now his voice has a gruffness to it that she's only heard early in the morning.

Harry meets a girl who’s been through something awful and falls deeply in love with her.

Warnings: Smut, TW // Mentions of abuse and self-harm

4k+

Therapy had saved her life. She was ready and willing to admit that. After her attack, she stopped texting, calling, going out. She wouldn't make contact with anyone for anything, even her professors had thought she'd dropped off the face of the planet. She wasn't eating, she wasn't sleeping, and she wasn't showering. She also had a very nasty habit of hurting herself, even if only a little bit, just to feel something. The sting of a cut, the scorch of a lighter. It took her somewhere close to 3 months to even get out of her head and call a therapist.

It had been another 6 months into therapy that she'd met Harry. Before he arrived in her life, she always kept the same routine to feel as if she had more control over her life, never failing to tick every box to the letter on her list of daily activities. It helped her feel like she was really in charge of her life, an exercise her therapist taught her, and consistently praised her for continuing on her own.

The day she met Harry, everything she had structured in place for herself shifted. It started when she missed the bus she normally took to her weekly appointment, kicking herself for snoozing her alarm one too many times. She typically didn't even take advantage of the function on her phone, only she'd been feeling hazy for a few days prior and figured a moments peace couldn't hurt anyone. With a scowl on her face, she decided she'd just hoof it there and apologise profusely for her tardiness once she arrived.

Only she never made it that day. One blasted thing after another got in her way, making it nearly impossible to get to her destination. Pavements were closed on one road, traffic being directed in a never-ending stream on another. It was maddening. She could almost feel herself unravelling towards a breakdown when a man spoke to her left, nearly causing her to jump from her skin.

"Sorry love, was only asking if you knew another way 'round this intersection. I've got an appointment at a quarter til, and it's just about half-past now. I didn't mean to give you such a scare," the man sounded sincere, honest, apologetic. She felt the very corner of her lips raise at the notion. An honest man? Unfathomable.

"S'alright, I'm just a bit caught up in my mind, innit?" She offered, tone teetering on cheekiness.

"I must be too, s'why I'm on my way to therapy. Though it seems like every bloody traffic cop in London would rather I didn't make it there." The man scoffed lightheartedly, dramatically rolling his eyes for her amusement.

"Oh, that's actually where I was headed." She offers, not exactly sure why. She didn't owe him any further explanation of her presence on the street, but here she was, still giving one. It felt nice. She hadn't so much as double taken a man since what had happened to her, but there was something so welcoming about him. So she dared to ask his name, creating an inevitable conversation. She made a note to let her therapist in on this major break in her recovery realisation.

"'M Harry. You?" He said, glittering eyes gazing into hers.

Another 6 months down the road, she felt her throat close up as her heart sank to her stomach. She and Harry had laid down a sturdy foundation together in the time leading up to then, strong as mountains. They'd quickly become the best of friends, laughing at all the same corny puns and jokes and learning every little quirk that made the other up. She knew things like how he took his coffee, and what kind of jam was his favourite. She knew where he'd grown up, who he was friends with in another life, strange dreams he had, what sort of dumb things he and his sister fought over when they were young. But she also had more intimate knowledge, things like his deepest fears regarding his family, his future, if he'll have a family of his own, his regrets. And he knew those same things about her. She trusted him by showing him what she'd done to herself when she needed to bring herself back to reality. She told him what she was ashamed of, both things she had done and what had been done to her. She spoke openly about how her purity had been snatched from her grasp, although kicking and screaming. She cried to him when she felt small. They had even told the other they were in love.

That's what scared her half to death. She knew she loved him with the entirety of her soul, but she was afraid, almost petrified, to take her clothes off in front of him. She had a few unwelcomed touch-memories when he'd come up behind her and laid a hand on her hip innocently, or when he'd spontaneously kissed her neck and she nearly lost her mind.

And he understood that. He couldn't imagine the kinds of trauma buried beneath her skin, the levels of paranoia that were bestowed upon her. From the nights she spent at his flat, he knew she sometimes would even jump in her sleep. It made him upset. Not because she was subconsciously jumping from his touch, but because someone made it that way. He would never forgive himself, even if the thought was beyond irrational, for not meeting her sooner. He wished more than anything to take that pain off her shoulders. To erase the searing memory she was still so harshly burdened with. Of course, he desired her physically, but he would never be able to live with himself if he made her feel pressured or uncomfortable. What kind of monster couldn't wait to be intimate with her? It kept him up some nights, but he'd never tell her that. She felt guilty enough as it was during their waking hours, he couldn't add to her burden by telling her he couldn't sleep sometimes while thinking of the horror she went through, cuddling her to his side deeper as she slept soundlessly.

So when she went to Harry and sat on his lap, curled up like a kitten, he was a bit taken aback. He loved a cuddle and was one of the snuggliest creatures she had ever had the pleasure of meeting, but they usually only cuddled once they were in bed, where she felt the safest. He didn't dare protest, silently complying and raising a hand to get lost in her hair, petting his fingers against her scalp lightly.

"What's on your mind, pet?" Harry rasped quietly, voice tired from the full day he'd had at work. She had been home all day, thinking of ways to break the conversation, fibbing and telling him she was skipping the day's class to stay at his flat and complete her essay, bringing her one step closer to her master's degree.

"Just thinking. I love you, I've just been thinking about you all day." She admits softly, pressing a kiss to his neck just below his ear.

He feels a blush run over his cheeks, feels himself inflate with affection and giddiness, much like a puppy getting its belly scratched. He couldn't help the goofy smirk adorning his lips, he just felt too good not to.

"Yeah, baby? I love you. I'm so crazy about you. You're always on my mind." He tells her, not caring how utterly lovesick he comes across at times.

She flushes, though it comes with a tingle that travels from the top of her head to the tips of her fingertips and toes. It's almost like she can physically feel his soul in hers and she feels alive. She truly can't help but give his neck another kiss, wetter this time, and joined by several others. He shudders and she feels it, making her blood sing in her veins. She couldn't remember a time where she felt so in love, so safe and so free. She felt like she and Harry could soar the greatest heights together, the pair of them unstoppable when they were together. It was an incredible feeling.

"What are you after, baby?" He questioned, not wanting her to stop but also wanting to see where her head was at. He didn't want her to make a rash decision if she would end up regretting it later down the line.

Instead of answering outright, she removes her face from his throat with one last kiss. Her eyes are doe-like and Harry's heart stutters. She'd never looked more radiant or confident than in that moment. Taking her lip between her teeth, she looks down between them to catch his big hand in her smaller ones. The air thickened instantly, the pair of them seemingly holding their breath.

"Just.. wanna be close to you. Wanna love on you, if you let me," she purrs, causing the hairs on Harry's neck to come to a stand and his tummy to flutter. She can't be implying what I think she is? He thinks to himself. It's not that she's never shown her attraction to him, he just can't believe today could be the day he's finally allowed to touch her. He's thought about it countless times, dreamt of it even, and it nearly brings a tear to his eye that she finally, finally feels comfortable and safe enough to physically show him love.

"Yeah? Show me how you wanna love on me, princess." Harry breathes, light filling his green eyes. He wants her to show him exactly what she wants, willing to go to the ends of the earth for his girl to be whatever she wanted.

She's back to feeling shy, not really knowing how to initiate this. She knows he'd take the ropes if she were to hand them over, but they both know how important it is that she takes control at this moment. This is her choice.

She looks into his eyes and her breath stalls at the look of love he's sending her. She dives back in, kissing Harry with a fervour he's never felt from her. He can practically taste the lust dripping from her tongue onto his. Gingerly, she presses herself against his lap where he's already sporting a mainly solidly stiff prick. As silly as she feels for it, the presence of it shocks her, ripping a gasp from her puffy lips. The feeling sends her into a frenzy, pulling back with wide eyes and a rapidly rising and falling chest to meet his gaze once more.

"Mhm, you feel it? 'S for you. Always is," Harry admits with a blush. He's no stranger to dirty talk, but he wants to take precautions with her. He doesn't know how filthy he can be without sending her back into her shell.

"I want you, in every way. Stayed home to pluck up the courage to do summat about it. And to take a very, very thorough shower that involved a lot of bending and twisting to get everything shaved." She tells him, a raspberry blush appearing beneath the skin of her cheeks. He's in awe again, of his darling girl.

"Cheeky thing. Lied to me about why you stayed home just so you could strategise how to jump m' bones?" Harry chuckles, grabbing her waist delicately before making the motion to stand.

"Gonna bring me to bed?" She asks breathlessly, nerves still getting the better of her. But she won't let her fears and self-doubt get in the way of another night she could've spent wrapped up in her love. Not anymore.

The moment she feels the plush mattress beneath her, she can breathe a bit steadier. Even if they hadn't used the bed for its extra-curricular purpose, it was still a major staple in their relationship. She knew this place, and she felt safe here.

"Take off your clothes." She instructs simply. If she were to get through to the rewarding bit of this, she had to hurry and get to it already. The build-up was the worst part. His lip curls at the command as he does what she asks. He leaves himself in nothing but his tight black boxer-briefs, kneeling on the bed before advancing. Watching and waiting to see if she would ask him to do something else.

"Come here, please," she begs of him, reaching an arm out to grasp the back of his neck. He's awfully careful as he crawls up the bed, hovering over her much smaller body, not putting an ounce of pressure on her.

"I love you. I love you so much. I-I wish you could've actually been my first," she begins, but he stops her.

"I will be." He assures her, "If you didn't say yes, it wasn't your first, princess. I know I've told y'that. This is what you'll think about when you think about your first. I promise you I won't let any other thought come up." His voice breaks as he cradles her face, finally dropping his body to rest against hers. The kiss he lands to her lips shatters her and mends her at once, feeling the love and healing he put into it.

"Please, I don't know what I'm doing yet," she mumbles against his lips, grazing her hand along his length. He draws back to look at her once before he's moving down the bed again, placing kisses to her neck and gripping the bottom of her shirt. She can faintly hear him asking to undress her through the blood rushing to her ears and she nods. She may be inexperienced, but she isn't naive. She knows exactly what he's headed down to do, and more than anything, she's excited.

"Aw, princess, s'this all for me?" Harry coos his rhetorical question softly upon seeing how incredibly aroused she'd become, kissing the softest and squidgiest bit of her thigh; right up top.

"You know it is," she whimpers, threading her fingers through his thick strands. Before she's even finished her sentence, her panties were pulled from her hips. She ignores the unpleasantly familiar sensation of someone that isn't her taking them off. Harry. It's Harry.

"God princess, might be down here a while..." Harry breathes, voice drunk. She peers up at him quickly enough to catch the strong drag of his tongue against her slippery lips. The noise she makes would've made him laugh in other circumstances, a squeak, instead he grunts and grinds his hips into the mattress. He might not even make it inside her before he's tapped out.

The movement of his tongue picks up each time she squeezes the handful of hair in her grasp, which is quite often, and he's loving it. He doesn't think he'll ever get enough of her sweet peach now that he's had his tongue inside her. She can't describe the feeling, she just knows that she would be asking him to replicate his actions often. She tenses up as her clit makes its way into his mouth, hearing the filthy slurps and moans coming from his lips. She could finish just from the sound of him. She thrashes when she feels a finger tease the rim of her opening, subconsciously kicking at Harry's shoulder before he grabs her ankle and kisses it.

"I's me, princess. S' just me. Let me make you feel good, sweet girl." His voice calms her immensely, shaking her head and focusing back on him. He's so good to her, it feels like karma's personal apology to her.

"Sorry," she says sheepishly. She knew it would happen, she just hoped she hadn't ruined the mood. As if she ever could.

No more words are spoken as she feels his finger back at her hole, lips leaving kisses to her lower tummy. He slides it in further than the rim this time, sucking her clit into his mouth to alleviate any discomfort she may have felt. He thrusts his finger in steadily, not too hard but definitely not as soft as he'd been at first. She appreciates him attempting to keep some normalcy.

"Wait- Oh! Feels good, really good. Wanna feel you now, please-Please!" She nearly surrenders to her pleasure when he adds another finger, curling them right up against her spongy wall.

"Gonna make you come first, princess." He tells her, not bothering to break away from her clit. The vibrations in combination with his unrelenting fingers send her spiralling over that edge she'd wanted to fall over with him. Her moans are strangled as she reaches her orgasm, the sound bringing Harry to a pile of mush below her, still working her through it.

"Mmm," she tries to form words as he hovers back over her, but she can't seem to find any. She's overcome with a multitude of emotions that she suddenly can't convey. She feels loved, she feels proud, she feels safe and she feels clean.

"Can pick this back up tomorrow, my love. You seem sedated." He jokes, kissing her lips and leaving behind a lingering taste of herself. She shakes her head, grabbing at his hips and pulling them down to her own.

"Want it now," she breathes, kissing his neck where she knows he's the most sensitive. And who is he to argue with that? He's about to stand to get an emergency condom he keeps in his closet before she clears her throat. His attention is back on her immediately, looking for any signs of hesitation.

"M' on the pill," she mutters shyly and Harry's jaw drops. He gets to have her and she'll be bare? This day could not get any better.

"God, you're perfect. I love you," he reminds her, peppering kisses to every inch of her face possible before reaching down to take her hands and guide them to his pants. "You do this bit. You've waited long enough," Harry encourages her, slipping both their fingers into the band before letting go of hers.

When she yanks them down, she's floored. That's what I've been missing? She thinks. It's thick and tall, standing between them with a certain strength and glory. He doesn't miss the look in her eye, but he doesn't call her out on it. He has all the time in the world to tease her about her awe of his cock another day.

"Sure you want to do this?" Harry checks for the hundredth time. She kisses his nose and nods before taking a deep breath.

"I'd never regret this. I'd regret if we didn't." She assures him, gripping his torso in one hand as to brace herself. He nods, knowing her word is final.

He's gentle as he strokes himself and even gentler as he lines his cock up with her delicate little hole. He cannot believe he's about to have sex with the love of his life. He can't believe how lucky he is to be her first. Her real first. The first lover to have her this way, the only man who gets to say she's his.

The initial push causes a sting to shoot through her lower half, throwing her mind to the last time she'd felt it, but she powers through. It's Harry. It's her lover. The man she trusts with her entire life. She hears his breath hitch instantly, only having pushed the tip and a bit more in. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, indulging in the feel of his girl before opening them to check on her.

"You okay, beloved?" He asks, voice beyond strained. When she gives him a nod, he pushes more of himself into her until she's hitting his side. His head snaps to the side, expecting a look of fear or pain, but to his utter surprise, he sees a look of pure bliss. He knows he's up against her spot, feeling the rough patch massage his tip. He uses this knowledge to his advantage, bottoming out at this angle, catching the spot the entire time he glides in and sending her into a frenzy of sorts. Her legs instantly locking onto his hips, giving him little leeway to do much else but fuck into her right onto her spot. She clenches around him as he pulls back, almost like she didn't want him to move his hips away from hers for even a moment.

"Feels, god! Feel so good, angel. My sweet baby, yeah? Feel good for you?" Harry rambles, nipping the skin of her neck to distract himself from blowing his load right then.

She's a mess, physically unable to stay put for more than one thrust. She never thought she'd be doing this, never thought she'd even make it through the year last year. The fact that it's her Harry just pushing her further and further into space.

"Mhm, so good. What, what are you doing? S' really nice. Does it always-?" She's a moaning mess as she replies, feeling a particularly solid strike at her beloved spot that she didn't know existed until now. He chuckles at the unintended compliment to his performance.

"Feel this good? Nah, s' because we're in love," Harry begins, but the feeling was too overwhelming, causing the word 'love' to come out as if he'd been hit in the stomach with a steel baseball bat. As if the spoken emotional intimacy turned him on to a point he couldn't stop himself from coming. He couldn't help it as the feeling travelled from deep in his belly, shooting out all the love he could produce, spilling into his princess.

"Mm, fuck Harry, I'm about to-" She moans at the feeling of his warmth spreading inside her and he cuts her off with the rapid movement of his nimble fingers down to her clit, still pistoning his hips into her, prick softening but still effective as she came.

Harry collapsed on top of her, wrapping an arm around her back to press their bodies even closer. He was still inside of her and she could feel the spurts still going as she came down.

"I'm so sorry... I literally couldn't stop myself from-" Harry begins, but she laughs. Laughs like she hadn't laughed in a year. A genuine laugh that drew tears from her eyes and an ache to form in her belly. His cheeks and ears grew red as she continued to laugh, thinking she was laughing at his premature end.

"Hey, it happens to a lot of guys! And I got you off again, don't make fun of me," he pouts, beginning to retract his arm from around her before she grabs a hold of it.

"Not laughing at you, doughnut. I love you so much, and you did get me off again. I'm laughing because I feel, I don't know. Clean." She admits, kissing his temple.

"After that? Should feel right sticky, I know I do," Harry gests, leaving her a kiss to her own temple before pulling out slowly. She gasps at the hollow feeling, but she has an inkling he may not mind filling her right back up whenever she wanted.

"You know what I mean." She rolls her eyes, allowing his arms to encompass her.

"I know, baby. I'm glad you found the strength in yourself to do this. And not just because you let me shag ya." Harry hums, kissing the crown of her head.

"You're an idiot," she teases. She couldn't be more in love if she tried.

"'M your idiot."

And yeah, maybe the idiot had a point.

Thank you for reading! This was a little difficult to write for personal reasons, but I hope this piece was alright! Please share your feedback/thoughts!

#Harry Styles #harry styles fic #harrystyles #harry smut #harry styles smut #harry x reader #harry styles x reader #harry styles au #writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harrystyles oneshot #harry styles dirty #harry styles fluff #masterlist #mobile masterlist #1DFF #1d fic

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noah-kalani · 5 years ago

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Breathe | Noah & Simon

PARTIES: @inconvenientsimonstrocity and @noah-kalani SUMMARY: The one where Winn is still missing and Noah’s hand is still broken.

Takes place directly after this solo

Simon hadn’t been home for very long after a weirdly-tiring day at work - between Winn’s disappearance, Simon himself trying to make sure no one was making irrational decisions and denying his own irrational decision to keep Beans despite some… valid protests, he felt somewhat run-down, more-so than usual and certainly reflecting how he was sure he came across to people on the outside with his disheveled appearance. Despite all that and how he felt, the dog was as excited as ever to see him and he couldn’t help but smile, ruffling his fur with pianist’s fingers and verbally agreeing to let the dog out. That was when, as he leaned against the side of his house and watched Beans tear through the brush, he received the text from Noah. It was vague, distressing. Simon could immediately feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up and he corralled Beans back inside, feeding him with a few gentle pats before grabbing his keys and heading out. He fished through his glove compartment as he drove to the location Noah told him, eventually finding a bottle of medication that… didn’t have as many pills in it as he hoped but it would have to do and he downed all four of them, tossing the empty bottle into the backseat.

The drive wasn’t too distant and Simon saw Noah sitting there as he arrived, his sore eyes doing a quick scan to gather information as he got out of his car and headed toward the young wolf; broken pier, the water didn’t look any more disturbed than the wind against it. The faint smell of blood that managed to creep into his nose briefly.

It was safe to say Noah had been really lucky to have had foresight to leave his cellphone in the pocket of his backpack. And obviously lucky that he had been talking to Simon all this week, the older wolf reminding him that there were people other there that really do care. About him, and about others. Watching as the other man approached Noah stood, hoping he looked dry enough to avoid too many questions. “Uh thank you, for uh coming to get me,” Noah started quietly, not really knowing what else to say in the moment. “I would have called my aunt but she would have definitely freaked out about...” He trailed off eyes darting to his swollen hand, the bones already trying to knit themselves together with the last few drops of his werewolf energy. The closer Simon got to Noah, the more a latent sense of concern and irritation filled his expression and sinuses, respectively and he quickly ducked his head into the crook of his arm to stifle a sneeze as the smell of wet dog - wet werewolf, whatever - greeted his nose. Not right now. Just… for, like, FOUR minutes, please. He didn’t reply immediately but he kept his eyes on Noah’s hand as soon as he was close enough, reaching out and touching it very carefully, examining the injury. He was still getting used to their wolfish regeneration but Noah still needed at least a splint - hand injuries weren’t anything to mess around with regardless of ‘super’ healing. “It’s okay,” was what he said first with his usual, quiet delivery, voice thick and somehow even more gravelly than where it usually sat. “It’s okay.” He repeated with a clear of his throat, now moving his glance upwards to look Noah in the eye for at least a few moments, hoping to convey the worry that was in his gaze as his brow went from furrowed to slack, his expression becoming gentler. “What happened?” He found himself asking next though it seemed obvious between the general location and the splintered pier. “You’re--” His head turned sharply and he smothered another sneeze into his jacket. “Wet.” Or he was; despite how dry he may have been now, Simon’s nose wasn’t something so easily fooled and now that they were so close, the older man could also catch faint traces of alcohol through the congestion. Well, he knew what they said about when it was raining.

Noah would be lying if he pretended his hand didn’t hurt like hell. Because it did, a lot, and even more so as Simon examined it. But Noah had been in enough pain–shit he’d been in enough hospitals for that matter–to know that sometimes he had to just grit his teeth and hold still. “I-I” Noah stammered trying to figure out how to explain without having to, well, explain. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell Simon. He just, didn’t really know where to begin. There were so many layers to what had happened, things that he barely wanted to admit to himself let alone someone he just met (even if that someone reminded him of his father, and somehow seemed to know exactly what to say to make the situation seem better) “I took a long walk off a short pier?” The younger man continued with a slight question to his tone before realizing how that definitely could have sounded, especially with the alcohol still on his breath. Shit “On accident of course.” He held up his good hand, to try to quell the questions he knew would come. “I’m not, like, wanting to uh like..” He trailed off eyes settling downward, not wanting to see the disappointment in Simon’s eyes. Or worse. Pity. He listened carefully to every word Noah said, when he stopped, how he sounded, the words he used. Simon’s forensic mind started replaying what roughly might’ve happened going off what he could observe and what fractured pieces Noah gave him - he had either already been drinking before he came here or he started once he arrived. Probably the former given the lack of bottles. He punched the pier before going in - that was evident by the lack of blood on his bruised, swollen hand. He got the feeling, distant as it was, that Noah had actually fallen in on accident - or, if he jumped on purpose, his rationale or survival instinct kicked in and he pulled himself out. He loosed a quiet, raspy exhale and started to sit where he faced the water, placing a hand on Noah’s shoulder to follow suit. He never was good at eye contact and, observing over the years that sometimes… most of the time, people who were going through what Noah was feeling didn’t like being looked at, as if they were being scrutinized or judged. So he looked out over the water’s surface in silence next to Noah. “It’s okay,” he finally said after several minutes of nothing but the gentle breeze and the water licking at the shore. “It’s okay to be upset,” He continued calmly, quietly as he kept his blue eyes looking ahead. “It’s okay to be confused and to feel hurt because of feeling abandoned.” He did turn his head slightly, not looking into Noah’s eye but instead around his leg/hand area. “Just breathe,” He instructed, his tone devoid of malice, intensity or harshness. “Do what you couldn’t do in the water; do what you can’t do when you’re being crushed. Just… breathe.”

Feeling the hand on his shoulder Noah didn’t realize just how much energy he was using to just stand, this body practically crumpling on to the pavement the instant it was given permission. Cradling his broken hand into his lap Noah curled his knees up to his chin, the large man becoming a small boy in only a few movements. It’s okay. Just… breathe. Noah clung to these words like a mantra as he tried to calm his mind, tried to ground himself with Simon’s presence, and gentle advice. But no matter what he did he just came back to his lungs filled with water. His heart aching for a family he’d never get to see again. To Winn leaving without even saying as much as a goodbye. “I don't think I know how.” Noah whispered out a single tear staining his cheek. He wasn’t too sure what he was referencing, the breathing part, or the okay part, but either way the sentiment stood. He didn’t know how to do either. “I mean i thought I did but” He sniffed wiping at the tears now rolling freely down his cheeks as he stared out at those stupid fucking nightmarish waves. “Its been 10 years but I still miss them, every single fucking day. And I can’t,” He paused sniffling, still trying to hold all his seams together. “I don’t know what I would do if Winn doesn't come back.” He shook his head with a large gulping breath “I mean I know he will eventually. But I just.” He sniffled again, chest tightening with the force of trying to hold back the tears. Though it would’ve sounded cruel to say aloud, Simon was hoping for this sort of reaction; he knew, he knew that every wolf had its problems, whether it be hunters or instincts or loss... the essence of what they were was steeped in tragedy and Noah was no exception. He wasn’t sure exactly where Noah’s roots were, where he came from, how he got there but it was evident even by their few interactions that Noah tried to be the rock, whether it was because of expectations he set for himself to distract himself from his own trauma or because that was the expectation that was given to him. Simon never liked telling people explicitly to smile - that sometimes carried negative connotations and sometimes, you just couldn’t. Though he expressed some mild hesitation on his part that started with a pause, he eventually reached out and placed his very human hand on Noah’s head, running his spidery fingers through the boy’s human, thick dark hair, still damp from his fall. His skin connected to Noah’s scalp as he messaged it for just a moment, almost feeling the ghost of his mother’s hand on his own head. Gradually, his hand traveled to Noah’s neck, feeling the sinews and muscles under the skin and applying a gentle pressure to it as if it would anchor the young wolf before moving it down to his shoulder where he applied the same pressure. “Don’t hold it back,” He said this time, still keeping his voice low. He felt… like he wasn’t doing enough, frankly; he didn’t have any sage advice, at least none that he could think of right now but he was torn in two on whether or not Noah needed to hear a lecture at that moment; he… didn’t, at least not now. Simon had a feeling that he knew what Noah DID need and that was to be honest. “Release. In... out. Cry. It’s okay.” He paused. “You’re okay.” Heaven help both of them as they sat on the beach.

Noah didn’t realize just how badly he needed the gentle touch of someone supportive until it was there, Simon’s spindly fingers moving through his hair. It was an act he didn’t know how much he missed until it was gone, the memories of his own dad’s hand hitting him like a brick to the face. Noah didn’t know much about Simon, but he knew one thing for sure this man would be a great dad, if he wasn’t already. Leaning his crumpled worn out body towards the older wolf, Noah let himself fall again, but this time there was a shoulder there to catch him. Someone there to whisper softly that he could let it out. And so he did.

The younger man didn’t know how long they sat there like that, or how long it took him to calm but finally he took his last ragged breath leaning on Simon’s shoulder. He felt… not better. Clearly not better. But now he felt like he could at least face the rest of the night, which was a marked improvement. Wiping at his face he straightened a little, taking his weight off of Simon. “Sorry. I-” Noah wiped at his tear stained cheek, “I don’t cry a lot. So when I do it’s all” he circled his good hand around his clearly snotty and ruined face.

Simon tried to recall if he’d ever been in a situation like this before but he quickly came to the conclusion that he hadn’t - this was, how they say, ‘uncharted territory’ for him. So he just… did what felt right and he found his arm moving around to Noah’s shoulder, almost subconsciously pulling him closer as the younger wolf leaned against him. He remained steady, keeping his eyes on the water as the latter cried and finally… expressed himself. There were so many people that didn’t understand the importance of emotional release and he knew even as Noah started calming down that it wouldn’t fix everything but it was a way to ease some of the tension. He waited until Noah choked out an unneeded apology before he felt the ghost of a smile cross his angled face and he fished around in his jacket pockets with his other hand, managing to find an unused packet of tissues and he offered it to Noah. “Please don’t apologise,” He replied softly, turning his head slightly. “Thank you for--” He turned his head sharply to face away from Noah and he sneezed twice more. Damn, and he was doing so well, too. “Being honest.” It was his turn to sniffle, useless as the endeavour was. He loosened his other arm from around Noah though he still kept it present just in case the other wanted or needed it, still; he was in no way rushing anything about this. He had all the time in the world.

Taking one of the tissues offered to him Noah gently wiped his face down with his good hand, feeling a bit better now that the saltiness was cleaned off that part of his skin. Noticing the sneezes though, he handed the packet of tissues back to Simon, brown eyes giving the older man a look that read something like ‘looks like you need this more than I do.’ Sitting there Noah let the silence wash over them for a second, looking out at the sea... Simon saying something about being honest. Oh yea. Honesty. “I wouldn’t thank me yet.” Noah started straightening a little, needing the comforting touch just a little less than before. “I mean you don’t even know like 75 percent of the story.” Yea. Simon knew practically nothing about Noah’s past, and practically nothing about what had happened past the fact that Noah was wet, intoxicated and falling apart. But yet he still came. He still let a stupid 20 something cry on his shoulder. “You know you remind me of my dad,” Noah said quietly, looking over at Simon. “He was very patient and understanding too.” Simon took back the packet, tilting his head as he noticed Noah’s subtle change in body movement; had he said something offensive or wrong? He felt his eyebrow twitch and he gave a gentle smile. “It doesn’t matter,” He replied softly. “Not right now. Right now, it’s you and how you feel. No matter what the other 75 percent of the story is, you allowed yourself to feel right now.” He felt his expression saddened by Noah’s use of past-tense when bringing up his father. Passed on? Missing? Was he a source of why Noah felt abandoned? He… wasn’t sure how to respond to that part; while he felt something like happiness at being referred to with such a title - he remembered looking up to his father with reverence - he also felt undeserving of it. He hadn’t done anything to earn reminding anyone of anyone. “I…” He felt his insides twisting. He wasn’t anticipating this. He liked it better when they were focusing on Noah. “...appreciate that,” He finished quietly, taking one of the tissues for himself and wiping his nose.

“Yea, but how I feel is connected to that 75 percent of the story,” Noah countered, body curling back into itself again, trying to make himself as small as possible without jostling his injured hand. Averting his gaze a bit Noah listened to the other man sniffle, the silence almost deafening between them. He knew he didn’t have to talk about it, Simon had made that abundantly clear. But maybe tonight was the night to just get it all out anyway, the older wolf proving after all that he was a safe and caring shoulder. “I was in a pretty severe boating accident when I was 13.” Noah started quietly, the words still catching slightly in his throat even 10 years later “I survived but my dad, mom, and brother weren’t so lucky. That's the 75 percent you don’t know.” He didn’t know why he was still talking. But part of him felt like he owed it to Simon. He owed it to the older wolf to give him a little bit more context, to speak to him like he would his father. “When I tell people, it changes how they think of me.” Noah started again, picking at a random thread on his jeans if only to give his good hand something to do .“Sometimes for the good, but most of the time for the bad. But it's a part of my past. It is a lot of the reason behind everything I do, and everything I feel. And I just.” Noah paused biting at his lip a bit. “I don't hate the sea because I’m a weirdo. I hate it because I know how it feels to drown. It’s the same reason why I’m not angry at Winn for leaving. I’m angry because I know how it feels to be left.” There was a furrow of his brow as Simon listened, keeping his watery blue eyes on Noah as the latter seemed to spill everything once he got started, feeling his heart hurting more with every sentence Noah entrusted to him. He already had the feeling that he learned this before but his belief that Bitten wolves struggled with a unique form of suffering was reinforced as in one night-- one explanation, Noah opened himself up to the older wolf. Being the sole survivor in any capacity was… almost unbearable. He was silent for a long moment, not holding Noah anymore but still making sure they were making contact, though subtle rubbing of shoulders. He exhaled, breath catching in a web of phlegm. He had so many things he wanted to say with this information, so many consolations to give, so many words of encouragement but… “I understand,” He ended up saying instead. “And that’s fine.” He nudged his shoulder against Noah gently. “You’re completely justified.” He felt like he was floundering to help at this point, like he shouldn’t keep talking, like he was uncertain that everything he could say would be taken wrong. This was a delicate situation. “Your past is yours.” Why did he say that? “Your past is instrumental to who you are now.” Stop. Stop. “But the decisions you make now are still yours to make.” Ugh, this was going downhill. At least it was nice sitting in silence with Noah while it lasted. “I’m not going to treat you differently; you’re still Noah; compassionate, kind, sweet. I know you think that 75 percent of your past might make you seem weak or… I dunno, undeserving to be mad but that’s not true; it takes immense strength for you to be how you are despite that 75 percent.” God, he hoped he didn’t just screw this up.

Simon’s words echoed in Noah’s mind as he spoke, ears focusing on just one word. Justified. And it was weird how just hearing the word aloud somehow made Noah actually believe it. Believe that this wasn't some sort of overreaction, or his broken mind playing tricks on him. Not that he had really thought that, but it was different. Having someone validate your feelings after they sat and listened to you explain why you felt that way. It was definitely some powerful stuff. And Simon did it effortlessly, for someone he barely knew no less. “Thank you” Noah started quietly, knocking into the older man’s shoulder gently. He didn’t know if Simon could feel the sincerity in his tone, but he hoped he did. “Honestly, thank you Simon. It really means a lot to me to hear these things out loud.” Because it did. It truly and honestly did. Leaning over slightly Noah reached in his backpack for his phone to check the time, hoping he hadn’t wasted too much of the other’s night. But that wasn’t before promptly forgetting that leaning over to get said backpack required moving parts of his body that were cradling his broken hand. “Fuck.” Noah muttered under his breath as the pain radiated up his arm. The sigh of quiet relief that raggedly exited Simon’s mouth couldn’t represent how the weight of incoming failure and feeling as though he’d said the wrong things was lifted from him. He gave a gentle smile to the younger wolf, indeed catching the sincerity. “Anytime, Noah,” He replied before Noah made a motion to reach for something and starkly remembered himself that Noah’s hand was busted up. “Oh, right…” He started to stand, putting a hand on Noah’s back as if to encourage him to stand, too. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-- I mean, we should’ve taken you to a hospital first,” He chuckled nervously. “Here, I can drive you… would that be okay?” He asked; he knew the two had just spent an indeterminate amount of time together on the beach and he really should’ve been asking himself if that was okay given that his car would likely smell like wet dog for several days after the fact at least but he had admittedly more pressing concerns on his mind at the moment.

Smiling through the pain Noah just shook his head at the older man “My hand will survive. It was my mind that needed immediate attention.” Because it was mostly true. Noah needed the pep talk and understanding more than he needed a trip to the ER. But as he struggled slightly to pull himself up next to Simon, the pain grating on his nervous system, Noah figured that yea, it was probably time to go get his hand looked at. “Yea actually, I’d like that.” He nodded with complete sincerity. “If you don’t mind,” he added hastily, hyper aware of all the time he had already taken up. It didn’t seem like Simon did though, which was nice. It had been a long time since Noah had had another adult than just his Aunt invested in his well being, it was kinda nice Walking to Simon’s car Noah slid carefully into the passenger side, trying not to get everything wet as they drove to the hospital.

#noah: chatzys #inconvenientsimonstrocity #//love love love simon

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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survey from diggitydoo

Have you ever felt a baby kick? I might have when my mom was pregnant with my brother, but I don’t remember.

What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I’m wearing black leggings.

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? My Disneyland trip back in February. It still trips me out that was this year, it feels like forever ago and SO much changed shortly after. It’s wild.

What was the scariest moment of your life? I’ve had more than one, but some were pre-surgery fears. It’s a very scary time and my mind always went to the worst places. My surgeries were long and invasive, too. During one of them my blood pressure dropped really low and my body was just in freakout mode for a few days after the surgery. Like, I had to have a few EKGs and a cardiologist check me out cause my heart rate was high (the EKGs came back fine, though, and the cardiologist couldn’t find anything wrong) and they were worried about my kidneys at one point. I think my body was just under a lot of stress from the type of surgery and the conditions beforehand (I had been sick for one, but also the prep required being totally cleaned out and I think I was dehydrated because of that).

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? Doesn’t ring a bell.

Pancakes or flapjacks? Aren’t they the same thing?

What kind of computer are you on? I’m on my Macbook Air.

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? I like chow mien, egg rolls, potstickers, and crab rangoon.

What are you usually doing at midnight? Either scrolling through my social medias, reading, or watching TV.

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No.

If so, how did it turn out?

Give me your brief definition of love. I don’t wanna.

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? Hmm. Eyes.

What kind of shoes do you wear? Adidas.

What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry?I just get really frustrated and upset and I shut down and cry. Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? My pain medication. And for the next 10 days this antibiotic. It’s bad because I’ve had it since yesterday for an infection I’ve had for at least two weeks that we know of and the reason why I’ve been feeling sick, but I’ve yet to take it. :X I can’t be a normal human who can take pills, I have to crush mine and I’m dreading how horrible that’s going to be. I’m used to my pain medication at this point and it’s not really that bad. But more than that, it has to be spaced apart from my pain medication because it possibly can increase the intensity of my pain med, potentially causing breathing problems, so I’m like oh yay that sounds fun. Sigh. My doctor insists it’s fine, especially with my dosage, but it was scary to find that out. It’ll most likely be fine, but I’ve gotten so paranoid about stuff in recent years that I didn’t used to be about before. I want to start feeling better, but ugh. :/ I’m gonna take the plunge in like an hour.

Do you like the smell of coconuts? I do. Not the taste, though.

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? 5lbs? haha.

Do you take Tums? Nah, I just take Pepto. I’ve taken them in the past, but they’re chalky and disgusting and sometimes made me gag, so bleh. Apart from their intended purposes, it had been recommended to me by a doctor to take them for increasing calcium cause they have a lot of that, but yeah I didn’t do that much.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? Yes.

How about under one? No.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I think when I was like 9.

Do you feel that way around anyone now? No. It’s been a few years since I’ve felt that or had feelings for anyone in the romantic sense. What does that feel like again?

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? I think about stuff, sure.

Do you ever sing to yourself? Yeah.

What is a sound that relaxes you? Certain ASMR triggers and ocean sounds.

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? I don’t even know what I want to do in life.

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? Yeah.

What is your main heritage? I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know? I get kinda confused with what that is, exactly.

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? Dill pickles.

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? I love a lot of different cheeses. I just love cheese.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? Nah.

How about a farm animal? Nah.

So, do you have hoes in different area codes? No.

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? Nothing comes to mind. I haven’t been listening to music lately, though.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? I don’t hate to admit that I like any song I like.

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Uhhhh.

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? I’ve used it, but not regularly.

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Both.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? A big change.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? Barbies.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Yes.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? My back.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Ha, no. No one does.

What is a good name for a turtle? *shrug*

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Nope.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? I haven’t experienced that.

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? I don’t know. It’s not sloppy? lol. How many times a year do you have a family thing? We haven’t had a big family get together in years.

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I’m a very simple gal, I just liked strawberries and bananas. Unless I went to Jamba Juice where they add stuff and you can add extras like a protein or caffeine shot or something.

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? Nah.

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? My city is crappy.

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? No.

Are you watching your weight? I need to be gaining weight, I’ve needed to for the past few years now, but I’ve been unsuccessful.

Have you ever become really good friends with someone you found online? Yes. I used to have several close online friends back in the day. Also, I personally love our little survey community on here. We support each other in some way or another and keep up with each other’s lives through our surveys.

What makes your best friend your best friend? She’s my mom and my rock and has always been there for me. I couldn’t do it without her.

Do you have a drunk uncle? No.

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? No. I usually have headphones on, though.

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Uhhh. I don’t know if there is something I do like that. Not that I can think of.

What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? I don’t know.

What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? That’s hard to say. There’s a lot of really cool tattoos.

Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? I’m not crafty, artistic, or creative, sadly.

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? I eat the whole thing, but of course the creme is the best part.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? Yes.

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? They’re very intelligent and would do anything for their loved ones.

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? I don’t have any friends.

If so, what about them do you like most?

What do you like on your hotdogs, if you eat hotdogs? Ketchup and mustard. It’s very rare that I’m eating a hotdog at all, though. It’s been years since I’ve had one.

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My dad is getting ready for work, but my mom and brother are sleeping.

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? Pfffft. That’s not happening.

Look down. What do you see? My blanket I’m wrapped up in. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Politics.

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? I like talking about any of my interests.

What kind of mood were you in most of today? It’s only 6:37AM.

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Nooo.

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. Nah.

What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Ghosting those I was close to. :/

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? I don’t feel anything towards them anymore. I don’t have any bad feelings or anything, it’s just been almost 15 years since then and we haven’t even been in each other’s lives in a decade now and I’ve long since moved on.

How about the last person (your last ex)? I don’t have any bad feelings towards him either. I’ve moved on years ago as well.

What is the best invention ever invented? There’s been so many.

What is something that needs to be invented? I’m too tired to think of something.

What always makes you burp? It just happens.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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bleedingthirium · 5 years ago

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Not an Asshole After All

Author Note: I actually had this posted on my main blog but since then I had made this D:BH blog, so why not post it here just in time for a little commission I had done by one of my favourite artists Khyron_Art This is more of a comfort ficlet for me so I hope you won’t mind my posting it. I mean, who can’t deny a soft-hearted Gavin from time to time? You’ll see more of him in part two. Also, my OC ‘Anri’ is pronounced as ‘Un-ree’. [Part Two coming soon] Trigger warnings: Mentions of past traumatic child/sexual abuse, PTSD, Swearing (It’s Gavin).

Turning the corner, Gavin’s heart beat a second faster at the sight of his partner being caught as a hostage. “Let her go!”

Grey eyes shifted momentarily from the asshole they had been chasing down to glance at Anri. She looked scared? Where was her gun? Fuck it, it didn’t matter at this point. Eyes snapped back to the criminal, lips pulled back into a snarl, “I said, let her go asshole!” each word was bitten out between clenched teeth. Gavin appears angry in general, but this – messing with one of his own like this? Gavin may be an asshole, but he’s not a complete asshole despite what others think – you do not want to mess with him when it comes to his loyalty to his partners.

Gun aimed steadily with intention to kill on the spot at the criminal they were supposed to be apprehending. Unfortunately, it was such a precarious situation that, even with Gavin’s excellent shooting, there was still a chance he could take down Anri. How the hell did she get into this situation? Gavin will never admit it, but she’s just as good as him – if not, better, since he sometimes purposefully looks to rough the criminals up a bit before apprehending them. Call it an outlet, a hobby, whatever. Why the hell wasn’t she fighting against him? Granted she’s got the end of a gun pressed to her head, but still. There was no struggle from her. Hell, if it had been him, he would’ve kicked his way outta there. So … what gives? He would’ve assumed she was calm had it not been for that frightened look on her face. The type of look that he didn’t ever want to see her wear. Dare he admit it actually scared him to see her so scared? Fuck it! “I won’t ask again! Let. Her. Go!” Gavin spat out, pointing his gun slightly forward with the silent message that he wasn’t fucking around with this. “Why? So this little bitch can put me in jail?” a quiet little whimper fell from Anri’s lips as she felt the end of the gun being jabbed harder against her head. The sound was almost sickening to Gavin’s ears. “You’re already going to jail you fucking moron. Killing a cop will give you a life sentence if you’re not already getting one for being a fucking rock spider.” Gavin wasn’t exactly the best at negotiation terms, which is currently disastrous since his partner’s life is currently in the hands of a deranged asshole, and World’s Number One asshole (Gavin) is not making the situation any easier by taunting the criminal. “Just do it, Gavin…. Please?” Grey eyes shifted to the voice of his partner. Eyes narrowing in concern as he tried to quickly calculate the risks; it was a 50-50 chance. He shoots, takes down the guy and Anri lives or, he shoots, takes down the guy but not before the prick takes Anri down too. He’s not even going to overanalyze that tiny little plea he heard from her. He can’t go into that now. “Fuck!” the whispered curse came from under his breath as he made that call. Anri squeezed her eyes shut as the harsh sound of the gun firing echoed in her ears. Her heart skipping a beat for a moment, thinking she had died. She knew the risks of asking Gavin to shoot the criminal who had her hostage. But if they didn’t do something now, it would only provoke the criminal further and Anri would much rather take the chance. She felt the pressure of the gun leave the side of her head and the body drop away from her, almost bringing her down with him if she didn’t have her feet planted. Quickened footsteps took her away from the fallen criminal and her body bumping into something solid. She felt a hand touch her shoulder for no longer than a second, just a very quick action to steady herself, before the warmth of that hand dropped away. Grey orbs dropped from Anri’s form that had backed into him and shifted to the criminal before quickly shifting back to Anri’s hidden hip holster where he felt the bulge of the gun pressing against his thigh. “You had your gun on you the entire time!? Why the fuck didn’t you use it!? What the fuck is wrong with you!? Do you have a death wish or something!? You could’ve been fucking killed!” Anger spilled out through Gavin’s lips as he placed his own gun back in his own holster. Except it wasn’t anger. It was fear. He was so close to losing her. And that thought, alone, scared the fuck out of him. Slightly frightened blue orbs, now edged with anger, met angry grey ones of her partner. Though there was something else threatening to close in around those orbs… hurt? The fact that he didn’t stop and think why she couldn’t, or didn’t, use it? He just assumed she was another incompetent officer because of her gender? “What do you care, Gavin?” it was more of a rhetorical question as she walked straight past him, leaving him to simmer away in his jaw clenching anger. That’s just it though, he does care. He’s just too fucking stubborn to admit it. “Fuck!” spat the curse before he turned and left in the same direction of his partner. Fueled by god knows what; probably just the need to get some fresh air, Anri made a dash to get outside, only for Gavin’s voice to be following behind her. “What the hell happened out there?” “Why do you care?” the question was repeated. “Because you’re my partner and I gotta fill out the paperwork for this shit.” Grabbing her arm, Gavin turned her around to meet him face to face, “You owe me an explanation.” Anger flashed in her generally calm blue hues, “I don’t owe you shit, Reed.” Using his last name. Ouch. She’s never dropped formalities before. Come to think of it, he’s rarely heard her swear either... “I saved your life. I think the least you can do is owe me a goddamn explanation why the hell my partner, who was perfectly armed and a smart cop, managed to get herself into a hostage situation.” “You can read it in the report I write.” “Incompetent.” “What?” “That’s what they’ll get from your report. They’ll pull you off the field. Question your skill…” “I…” His voice softened ever so slightly, the anger leaving him as he watched it leave her own features. Something wasn’t right about his partner, something didn’t sit right in his gut and he just couldn’t ignore it. He’s turned a blind eye on the days she’s taken her cat to the vet or whatever other moody days she’s had, but this? No, he can’t ignore this anxiety-like feeling bubbling away in the pit of his stomach. “Tell me the what the fuck happened back there and I’ll make some bullshit story up for the reports – which, lemme point out to you, means I’m putting my ass on the line for you… or you can kiss our crummy dates goodbye.” By ‘crummy dates’ he was referring to their cases they solved together – which often included late-night pizza orders to the office, arguing over who’s turn it was to buy the coffee because they needed a break from the office… He watched as the fight left her features, left her body almost. The squared pose of her shoulders drooped slightly and a mix of exhaustion and fear flashed in blue hues that had turned to a stormy shade of blue. “I froze.” she offered quietly. “Froze? You never freeze.” Inhaling sharply, she tried starting again, “I…” tongue darting out to quickly wet her lips, blue eyes glanced upwards, willing the familiar sting of salty tears threatening to appear at the corner of her eyes before dropping her gaze to the ground; looking anywhere but at him. “He looked a lot like my stepdad.” Gavin had to lean in slightly to catch the whispered words. He would’ve brushed the comment off as a ‘so what’ kind of remark but it was the broken tone in which she whispered them that made his blood run cold. For a moment he couldn’t say anything, almost too scared to even ask for confirmation. Just in this moment, all he could do was stare at this strong, beautiful woman that he had been sweet on, who was now reduced to tears and threatening to curl in on herself. This was a woman who had no problem kicking his ass, giving him shit right back… “Did he ever…?” He couldn’t even finish his question because the crime, alone, was a heinous act in itself. It sickened him to even think about it. Sickened him further that he couldn’t bring himself to even finish the damn question. The small whimper that came from Anri was enough to tell him everything he needed to know. Fuck. It was fucked up. It was disgustingly fucked up. Fingers curled into a tight fist, threatening to punch the nearest object, however a few forced deep breaths were enough to calm that bubbling anger down. Anri didn’t need to be dealing with angered outburst for a second time that evening. “Fuck.” Came the angered whispered as he grabbed her elbow and pulled her down the sideway, away from any prying eyes of other officers that were beginning to arrive at the scene. At least it offered her some privacy. She was already feeling vulnerable as it is with opening up to Gavin like that.

Gavin was at a loss of what to do. He hasn’t seen Anri cry before – Christ, he hasn’t seen her upset in general before. A few angered outbursts here or there… but not distraught like this. He rocked on the balls of his feet, back and forth, back and forth… hesitant on what to say next, on what to do next. Part of him wanted to find the fucker just so he could physically pummel him to death, the other part wanted to turn from Anri and puke his guts up. Neither of which happened as he stepped forward towards his partner, lifted an arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, roughly pulling her into a hug. He didn’t say a word. What the hell was he supposed to say? Sorry that it happened to her? She’d only see him as taking pity on her. And what good is sorry when the damage has already been done? Fuck. He had no idea she went through this. He had no fucking clue. How the hell was he supposed to know!? “My job is to protect people – and I couldn’t even do that!” the muffled complaint came from the strawberry-blonde head that was buried in his chest. “You found the kids and we took the fucker down. You did your job. Don’t think twice about it. Just…” his sentence trailing off, deciding not to state his fear. Just don’t fuckin’ scare me like that again, got it?

The sound of Gavin’s phone ringing interrupted the two, without removing his arm from Anri’s form, keeping her against him, he reached in his pocket with his free hand and swiped the screen across to answer the call. “What?! …. Yeah, I’ll be right there, just getting patched up… Took a swipe at my arm.” Casually lying through his teeth to his boss who was wondering where the hell Gavin and Anri were with the dead body inside the house and no Detectives around… Disconnecting the phone call and shoving the phone back in the pocket of his jeans, he finally pulled his arm away from Anri but not before he shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her frame. “You’re done for the night. Go home. I’ll tell ‘em some bullshit story. You know I’m charming like that.” Gavin’s voice softening ever so slightly around the edges as his hands came and rested on her shoulders, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Grey eyes searched her watery blue ones. She hadn’t been crying… a few tears slipped out but nothing too distressing apart from all the reminders she had pushed down for a good couple of decades. A quick small nod was given from her since she didn’t trust her voice to speak in confident tones. Gavin quietly walked her to an unmarked police car, telling the officer to take her home, but also giving a death glare that threatened to do harm if the officer dares question anything. Grey eyes watched as the car pulled out from the curb and drove down the street. He couldn’t deny the concern that felt like it was crushing against his chest but he didn’t have time to process it when a voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Hey, where’s she going!?”

Fuck. Nosy little shits these Police Officers are... Watching the car drive off until it was out of sight, Gavin didn’t even spare a glance behind him to see one of the Officers walking towards him. “She’s not feeling well. Don’t need her puking all over the crime scene.” Turning, he made his way back to the crime scene to explain what happened; coming up with a typical story of the criminal had the gun raised at an officer, it was a threatening and compromising situation, Gavin had a window of opportunity and he took it. They bought it since they had no other reason to not believe him. Detective Gavin Reed, DCPD’s ‘Number One Asshole’ lying through his teeth to spare the pride of another Detective. Who knew he wasn’t such an asshole?

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bomberqueen17 · 7 years ago

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girderednerve replied to your post “icantbearsedtothinkofone replied to your post “lalabob11 replied to...”

the recommended removal method (cf lena cup instructions) is to grab the stem and tug gently and kind of rock it side to side so you shift the cup closer & can reach higher up on it. this has always worked for me reasonably well without hurting, but i alternate with pads because i get sore

Yes-- this is what I do. To both things. Sometimes, though, I just-- can’t deal with rocking it, there’s too much pressure and it hurts to push on it and it’s six of one half a dozen of the other, so I just yank the thing out and it’s gross and that also hurts. So.

(more menstrual cup discussion including why i’m keeping on discussing this at such length)

Yes, in general, menstrual cups are sunshine and rainbows by comparison with the gross disposable shit that’s standard, but. I honestly *always* use pads too, because even if the cup doesn’t leak, per se, there’s still mucous or moisture, sometimes tinged with blood, that still comes out, especially overnight or if I have to move around a lot. So I use the cup until the flow is light enough that I won’t have to change the pads much, and then just use pads until I run out (I never have enough washable ones no matter what, because the more of them I get the lazier I get about washing them right away to reuse), and sometimes toward the end I go back to the cup because on really light days there’s no leakage or excess fluids.

(And pads give me basically diaper rash, so it’s always a balancing act-- on heavy flow days, the pressure from anything internal like a cup or tampon worsens the cramps, but if I don’t use anything internal, then the moisture upsets my skin and I’ll suffer for days, so. It’s all a balance. Options are key.)

sugarspiceandcursewords replied to your post “icantbearsedtothinkofone replied to your post “lalabob11 replied to...”

For the record, as a woman who has worked with mostly men her whole life and never even heard the term “menstrual cup” spoken aloud,this whole discussion has been really informative.

You know what? That’s precisely why I decided to have this discussion on here, and respond to all these comments. Because there’s plenty of people who like to be cup evangelists and just say “go forth and get one! it’s so great!” and that’s fine, but there’s all these details-- like, you will get blood not only on your hands but possibly everywhere, so if you’re in a multi-stall bathroom, bring a damp paper towel into the stall with you for cleanup-- and it’s not always clear where exactly things are supposed to go even if there’s only one place it’s gonna work-- and I’ve never seen anyone else point out that it can make your cramps worse! So I figure-- tag the discussion well, and then go on and have it, because we just don’t talk about this stuff enough.

(Another one: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HOLD ONTO THAT STEM SO YOU DON’T FLING THE CUP INTO THE TOILET. If you’re a novice, maybe do your business and flush, and THEN deal with the cup? because if you drop it into an empty bowl that’s still traumatic but way less bad than the alternative!)

(Ooh here’s another question: does anyone else have trouble actually emptying their bladder without removing the cup? Sometimes I can just go and it’s fine, but other times, I have to take the thing out even if it’s not full, because otherwise there’s just too much pressure on things and not everything comes out! Like, yes of course I know that that entire process is entirely separate from the vagina as an entity, but they’re really close neighbors and most of those structures are pretty soft and susceptible to pressure from one another. Hence the pressure issues and confusion about where to put a menstrual cup.)

#girderednerve #sugarspiceandcursewords #menstrual cups #Vagina Discourse #is that a good tag??#i've been steering clear of that word in tags tho #who knows what lures the p*rn bots #i'm also trying to steer clear of gendered language #but accept that these things have historically always been elided under gendered euphemisms #and so really they are Female Troubles etc.#not that this is a trouble per se #but i mean #everything i do is trouble

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asheespiquantpeculiarities · 8 years ago

Text

Assault On Various Fronts Pt 5

I laid there and stared up. And he... he just looked down at me and came closer and-

The HELL I just LAY there and let him do whatever the hell he bloody WANTS!

I frowned deeply and pulled my leg up to plant a foot on his chest and pushed.

Which did move him.

But... not all too much.

With a wondering 'Oh?' he... shifted his body to the side. And all my strength just kind of... slipped off of him. For a split second, Chelle' came to mind. She'd dodged me just like that and stuck out her tongue at me.

It stung. And I missed her more. She wouldn't have fallen for that, wouldn't-

I shook my head and tried to at least get a kick in, when I'd already lost my leverage.

He caught my ankle, then. Bloody BASTARD!

“Let- let GO! Bloody HELL! Let me GO!,” I still had the longer lever there, holding my entire leg like that wouldn't be easy. Even if he... laid on my other leg and arm right now. Too close! And he had no right to do this! Bloody HELL!

When I actually managed to kick his hip despite his hold on my ankle, he sucked in a breath and tightened his grip. It actually stung!

He huffed: “You know, this is not the behaviour of a married wife towards her husband”

“Bite me!,” I hissed, because... HE was the one that wanted to marry me AGAIN, we WEREN'T even properly married and he had FORCED me into this! No matter what he would tell anyone else!

But of course he grinned at that and bit into my shoulder. Lightly.

Which was stupid enough!

When he said “As you wish,” with this strange tone of voice that made my hair stand again?

His head collided with my own. Damn sure it made my head ring a little, but at least he moved a little away!

After a tiny groan that – unfortunately – turned into a chuckle, he shifted his weight... somehow?! And spoke again: “You know, you're just the way I always wanted my wife to be... if I ever had one”

I only registered this on passing. The hell was he talking about this now?!

It was more important that he leaned more onto my wrist above my head – it hurt – and put his other hand there, too.

My ankle was free! I kicked his hip again, with the heel of my foot, he made a satisfyingly pained sound, but more words followed: “... intelligent...”

There and then he simply moved over me and straddled my thighs.

I startled at how easy that was for him. I twitched back at the sudden mass of body over me.

When I realised he at least wasn't laying on my arm anymore, I slapped him with all the strength I could muster.

He caught my hand before it could connect. He grinned and kissed my wrist:“... full of spirit...”

Now he held both my hands over my head, trapping them with his body weight pressing down on my wrists.

I tried to pull at them, but it was like being trapped under a bloody rock.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?!,” no way I was moving could free me from his grasp and I wanted to spit in his face. But my mouth was remarkably... dry... for now, I opted for glaring at him.

“... mmmh, continue?,” he leaned down and pressed his lips on mine, retracted when I bit his lower lip, “Ah, yes: You're also drop-dead gorgeous. You have no idea what men see in you,” he opted to go lower and kissed my collar bone this time around, trailing upwards.

It was weird! It was cold when air blew over the places and I felt it a lot. Because otherwise I was very warm. It was irritating! Of course not as irritating as his words.

I spat back: “Sure I don't know, I never saw a mirror in my life!,” because seriously! I tried to evade his lips to the best of my ability, but he just continued upwards. And when his teeth were very close to my jugular I became somewhat hesitant about moving. He was a bloody murderer!

He seemed to think it was very funny, though, because he chuckled against my throat.

“Mmmmh... sarcasm, another perfect trait,” he nuzzled there and colour came to my face. This was supposed to be a bad thing! Always had been scolded and-

“And of course,” then I felt a hand on my hip. And noticed that the hand was also all around the bunched up fabric of my night gown. Because my struggles had shoved it up, my legs are free! And-

“AH! NO!,” he pulled my gown upwards and over my body. As much as I pressed my back to the mattress, as much as I tried to make myself as heavy as possible, he just pulled. It caught a few times, but nothing nothing I did helped. Just slowed him down a little and... and in the end, it didn't even rip, simply came off over my head, my protests devolving from angry to slightly desperate.

But then it was gone. And I laid there, exposed, still pinned. Gods be damned.

“Samil, bloody stop!,” I hated that my voice slightly broke this time.

I almost believed he did. The pressure on my wrists disappeared. I huffed out a puff of air. A pain I'd ignored disappeared with the grip. It distracted for a second from him, because he used the gown to tie up my arms. They were still in the sleeves, so it was easy for him to immobilise me and tie them to the bedpost. I yanked at it with no success. Literally nothing. He knew knots of all things. My gut twisted.

Then he stayed where he was, leaning over me, looking at me. The massive shadow he cast wasn't reassuring either. But I balled my hands to fists and stared up at him defiantly. So he got my clothes off of me and tied me up, so what!

“So, the great warrior managed to overwhelm a lady, don't you feel just great about that!,” my voice was still not as angry as I wanted it to be. But honour was important to him. He'd shown that, he'd back the hell off!

But he only... looked at me. I didn't know what to think of his expression. The flickering torchlight didn't exactly help.

“Well, I... well... damn...” his voice sounded... somewhat off. And of course, that made sense, right?!

He blinked, and then his hands started to wander down my arms, trailing along the skin that was usually the inside and hidden. Goosebumps raised, I couldn't help it. It tickled in a weird way: “Hey, didn't you hear?!,” that my voice became less steady now was a bad sign.

His fingers moved further down and reached my breasts. I squirmed under the touch, frowned and struggled, tried to get him off my legs again.

The only thing it did was upsetting his balance a little. He rearranged his feet so they rested on my knees now.

Even less freedom of movement. Shit.

At least this... this weirdly-fascinated stare had broken.

When he blinked and dove down, taking a nipple into his mouth, while he pinched the other between thumb and index finger, I wanted the stare back. He hummed and sucked around an apparently sensitive area of my body. Weird-sensitive.

“Stop that, this is weir-,” I sucked in a breath when he changed the sides and flicked his tongue against the other nipple. They were hard, but I didn't feel cold, I definitely wasn't cold! I felt even warmer further down my body and bit my lip, still squirming.

“... you have a perfect pair of breasts,” he said with something like... reverence?! He looked down at them, all absorbed. And massaged them with those big hands of his. And squeezed the more sensitive parts.

There was not much I could say to that. He continued to do this and seemed to have some idea what he wanted to do?! And I squirmed. Tried to get away. And then whined and when I opened my eyes again – I closed them?! - he looked at me with blown eyes and before I could tell him to stop again, he closed his lips over mine.

I made a protesting sound and tried twitched back from it. He only dove after me and pressed down with more conviction. Tongue tracing over the tight line of my lips.

But another pinch – it felt like I got more sensitive - made me exhale in surprise. Just for a moment, but there was a tongue in my mouth. Not for long since I bit down on it, almost sure I drew blood, but he still sucked in my lower lip to... to nibble. Only slowly let of me again.

Actively doing something about it was... was difficult. Especially since air was sometimes short and-

“...mnNH!,” my eyes widened. And I shook my head. His... his hand had wandered... wandered down! And now he touched- he-

“AH! STOP! You CAN'T touch me there, you CA-AH!,” his fingers had slipped between my... lips. They were strangely cold, there, and now they had... had rubbed. At something. Something.

I squirmed again, shuffling my hips away and around and whined. Especially when this did not help at all, but made it feel worse!

His self-satisfied hum did not help me with that at all and the whole feeling was weird. And I tugged at the restraints, because damn it, this was weird! And I wanted out.

He was at my throat again, pressing kisses there and his one hand was squeezing and the other did... did things to me and when I moved my hips, my head got woozier.

And when he moved the righ- in some way and I... accidentally against that, there was a bit of buzz and my cheeks felt very warm and I made a noise that... was very surprising and couldn't be suppressed and then he said: “Ah, so you do like this, after all,” and smiled. I saw that because I was angry and stared at him. And!

“No! No I do-nh-n't, you ba-HAH... ah-,” I lost my train of thought. Those fingers were doing... things. And I squeezed my eyes shut. Because this felt very strange. Very strange and a bit much.

I was... breathing again. I could hear me breath, had opened my mouth to do so, stretched head to get better air.

It was all so much.

I couldn't protest much when he pressed his lips on mine again, wanted to pull away, but he pushed his tongue into my mouth an-

“AH!,” my eyes were open again, I DID wrench myself away, stared down.

There was an intrusion, his fingers were... there was... he had pushed a finger in me. And now moved it.

And... and... he still had... had his thumb rubbing on... that... all of this was...

I pulled my head back again, tried to move away from his hand, tried to somehow make it stop: “This is no- nh... you.. shit... do-”

It was a mess. It was a very confusing mess. And the room smelled... very good. Shit.

“You're so very ready, my lady... so responsive,” his nose was at my throat and he pressed his lips there, while his finger moved deeper and curled and moved in and out and he shouldn't do that.

Biting on my lower lip, I tried to come up with protest, words failed me, only tiny little sounds escaped and... and...

He kissed me another time, I bit his tongue, but apparently didn't leave an impression, he stayed where he was and I tried to get rid of this horribly weird feeling, my head was swimming, trying to suppress noises.

I felt all slippery with his fingers down there, I clenched down around them and... and it felt just weirder. And he hummed all... happy?!

“Ah, there's another thing... I do very much appreciate in a wife,” I frowned, what the...?

But I didn't get to question it, he moved down from my legs. Only then I noticed they'd slept in, somewhat, and I let out an actual, relieved sigh.

I reacted more than thought. It was hard to puzzle things together.

But it was nice, even when he moved them, my legs, and the other movements didn't really stop, either just... changed a little. This finger inside pressing against... everything.

Damn, thinking was hard, but I tried to... look down and see, and there he... was done moving my legs. All around his waist.

Definitely weird. Something did alarm me, but the next thing was him leaning forward again and kissing me. And I might have moved my lips a bit. Because my legs didn't hurt anymore. Maybe. It's somewhat hazy. Felt nice.

And then he... he took the finger out of me. Just gone. And it felt like something was missing. And I actually whined. A little.

“... sh, just a second, just... see, the other thing is, you will bear me...”

I felt movement, felt his hand and then I felt full.

“... the greatest children”

And here my mind blanched.

WHAT?!

Never mind that I felt truly uncomfortably full, this... I didn't want his children!

He'd leaned down when he had... when he had slipped inside me, and now I did have free legs and I kicked against his sides: “NO, what the HELL, NO-HN!”

My one leg twitched, because shouting felt weird, so weird.

And being so full was so much warmer and thicker it was so hard and whole and warm. And clenching around it made my head ring.

And there was a moan coming from him. It was full and deep and very satisfied and I kicked him again: “Get OUT, get AWAY, I'll NEV-,” I bit my lip again, shouting was bad. But he moved somewhat, moved up, apparently... removed himself before he... before he moved his hip forward again and his breath sounded strangled and...

“... so good... damn, so good,” he choked out and grabbed a leg and kissed it, moving just a little bit, but groaning every time.

“Get out, leave me- leave me be, I won't give you... I... I!,” I shuddered. This did all kinds of things to my head. My body tingled. When I angled my leg to kick him again I cried out.

I was even more sensitive, there. And he grabbed my leg and held it there, put it on his chest himself and... babbled, breathy and with closed eyes and leaning on this leg: “Damn... so great hips... great heirs, fill you right up... take it all in... damn... so amazing...”

“NO, I... no... uh-,” I pushed against him, wanted to push him away, but straining made this just feel more intense and now it felt stranger every time he thrust and my leg was shaking. My breath, too.

He moved more steadily. A rhythm, not changing. In and out and huffing out a breath every time and it felt hot and urgent and full every time and I wanted to scream at him, but instead I just moaned, because I couldn't help it and squeezed my eyes shut.

And his damn thumb was back, rubbing above... above himself and I whimpered at that, because it was all too much and he leaned forward and my leg angled even more and he got deeper like that and his lips reached my shoulder and he started thrusting.

Really thrusting and whispered: “... just... like that,” and then bit down close to my neck and thrust DEEP and did it two more times and I felt cold for a second and all the nerves went blank.

The cold spread through me whole body, into my fingertips and toes and they curled and I grabbed tight onto the fabric around.

And then the weird airheadedness that had also come went away and warmth spread and the centre of my body was pulsing. Clenching down and being all sensitive.

And he was still moving, but the thumb was gone and I felt three more times and then he groaned, deeply, it sounded like a vulnerable animal noise and I felt it through my whole body. And my body clenched all around him still. Did it over an over.

Body was coming down, still coming down and then he stayed where he was a few more seconds... a few more hip-movements... and then he pulled out... and fell down next to me, pulling me close.

I wanted to murder him that moment, wanted to fight and strangle him and hit him, but... but he just... untied my arms, and kissed my forehead and stroked my back.

And I didn't have the energy to protest, hands still twitching, it didn't even have much of an impact when I hit him. He buried his nose in my hair.

We must have slept in at one point...

#SamilnGabe #assaultsonvariousfronts #2893 words

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