#but also so fucking stupid and dumb like Atton is

[tobyig]

at home having my life forever changed

where were u when “you’ll be right here with me, playing pazaak, where they can’t reach you“ dropped into ur life

[doctorguilty]

RIGHT AND LIKE

there's huge significant parts of the story that show that the fact HE, specifically, became cursed, was something that changed the course of many events for the better like. We saw that if he was not there to protect and influence Marcy for the better, she would have been a force of destruction, and in that very same universe, someone else (I forget his name rn rip ...) putting the crown on drove him to be a force of destruction. Recapping farmworld, Simon used the crown to prevent the apocalypse at the cost of his own life. When Finn put it on later however, he was a force of destruction. Simon, in our main timeline becoming Ice King and essentially keeping that crown quarantined on his head prevented anyone else from obtaining it and inevitably becoming a force of destruction. Simon, even at his most mentally degraded, was stronger than the curse that anyone else would have fully succumbed to and hurt the world with, because he was a selfless person the ENTIRE time (just sometimes, his choices he thinks are in the best interest of everyone are coming from a more self serving place than he realizes. Which is not like. A sin. That's a pretty normal flaw to have when you like, deeply struggle with social cues and self worth,,,,) The WORST things he ever did as ice king weren't intentionally malicious and destructive, it came out of loneliness and just having some friends dialed his madness back so hard-core ik was a fully functioning person by the AT finale. I would go as far as saying if pb was the one who ever found the crown, she'd be a force of destruction too because of what we saw of her as candy queen running on ik's madness, which was mostly the same as what we know it to be except like. Ik never got to the point of literally trying to murder-suicide pb ,,, and her kingdom in that universe was also more fucked up than like, the ice kingdom, which was just ice king and penguins

It's SOOOOO fucking strange to ultimately frame Simon being worthy of punishment for like, some mildly dumb choices he made early in his relationship (that were newly added in the new series mind you, never something that was part of the backstory before 🤨) and imply that somehow led to him being cursed and it's his fault...??? But we KNOW it's not, because they were already together long enough to be engaged before finding the crown?? Betty wasn't even THERE when he found it? Winter King's story, as far as my speculation goes, suggests he would have absolutely found it with or without her in his life. (And WK fucked up big time but.. in sound mind (as sound as it can be only partially cursed) he chronically people pleases to essentially attone for the skeleton in his closet. I would stand by the speculation it was still better he did what he did than how the world could have ended up if ANYONE ELSE found the crown)

It's stupid!!!!! It makes no goddamn sense no matter how i twist and turn it, he didn't deserve that narrative dragging ALSO LIKE TAKE IT EASY ON HIM he was trying to off himself (by yeeting himself into the void) and then later trying to essentially just mentally off himself by re-cursing his brain and throwing his life in the can, like I think every little thing he ever regrets and hates himself for he served his time ruminating on it ,,

[its-sixxers]

Video Game Questionnaire

Tagged by @slothssassin!

Tagging any of y’all hoes (or non hoes) who wanna talk about some got dang VIDYA GAEMS

Rules: Fill in your answers below and tag some buddies!

-Games-

First game you ever played: Pokemon Red on the OG game boy. Hell yeah.

Favorite game: Don’t make me do this. D: Probably a toss up between:  Heroes of Might and Magic III, Knights of the Old Republic (1 and 2), Vampire the Masquerade Bloodlines aaaand Fallout New Vegas.

Game you hated at first but now love: Darkest Dungeon! I found out my gameplay groove and now really really like it. I didn’t hate it before, just found it frustrating.

Game you used to love but now hate: I don’t really hate any game that I used to love (even World of Warcraft), but I can’t ever go back to the Mass Effect Trilogy for reasons that are probably obvious to anyone who’s played it. I got hurt too bad man. :(

actually just recalled and this is gonna be a SPICY opinion: FFXIV. I had a lot of fun with it but the RP scene drove me off really fast. WoW’s Moon Guard gets a lot of shit, but FFXIV was miles worse for general grossness. I don’t begrudge anyone who has fun with the game or RPs in it (there’s a lot of fun lore!) but I don’t have the energy for trying to sift through that amount of nightmare to find like the dozen cool people lol.

Game with the best group/companion(s): This was a hard one. There’s games that have my favorite characters ever but also have some really annoying companions, there’s games with characters I like across the board but the execution is weak. I’m just going to say VTM Bloodlines for easiness’ sake. A great cast and I actually think I like them all for specific reasons. Yes, even Ming Xiao. Maybe especially Ming Xiao, actually.

A game with your favorite ending:  Bloodlines even though I had to turn godmode on for the last combat portions teehee. I just love the twist. :D

A game with the WORST ending: See Mass Effect above. Yes it’s been like a decade, no I’m still not over it.

Best character customization?: HRMST. With mods, Fallout 4. Without - I played Black Desert Online for a whole 3 seconds and it had an insane amount of options but I found it overwhelming lol.

Also putting a cut here cuz long post.

-Hero and Companions-

Your favorite playable character:  Jedi Exile or the Courier.

The funniest playable character: Garrett from the Thief series is a smartass and I love him for it. The Courier also gets some great options, naturally.

Your favorite companion(s): Oh christ here we go. Carth Onasi, Jolee Bindo, HK-47, Atton Rand, Kreia, Bao-Dur, Kaidan Alenko, Garrus, Tali, Wrex, Legion, The Entire New Vegas Gang, Butch DeLoria, Charon, Deacon, Preston.

Companions you could live without: This is a difficult one since even companions I’m not super fond of have their place and purpose in the narrative, usually. I’m going to say G0-T0 and Hanharr from KOTOR 2 as they kept that game from the Best Companions title lol. I don’t play dark side and both of them just felt a little underdeveloped for me.

oh and skadge from SWTOR, fuck skadge

-Relationships-

Favorite game friendship(s): Shepard + everyone, Morrigan and the Female Warden,  Josie + Inquisitor, The Courier + everyone, Sole Survivor + everyone, Female Revan + Bastila, Exile + the new Jedi gang.

Favorite companion banter: This might make me a basic bitch but Deacon. The interplay between goofiness and sadness is just perfect.

A relationship you loved but went bad: Revan and Carth. It went bad because Revan fucked off to the Unknown Regions and left him behind, then we find out why in SWTOR (and they canonize Revan as a dude BOOOO) and it’s dumb lol.

A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: Kaidan and Shepard when Mass Effect 2 rolled along. Being railroaded into working with Cerberus had me VERY annoyed at the time and Kaidan’s 100% right to also be mad about it so I was like oh god yeah I’d break up too. Mass Effect 2 has the best companions + side story but the worst main quest fight me. (Actually don’t pls)

A character you wish you COULD romance: Let’s list em off, shall we: D E A C O N, Nick Valentine, Glory, Nathaniel Howe, Bao-Dur, Nines Rodriguez, LaCroix, Beckett. Let me do it you cowards.

A minor character you wish could be a companion: Harding in Inquisition, Glory (actually most of the Railroad would be nice), Scout Haylen, Fahrenheit.

-Fun-

Shoutout to a random NPC: All the Jawas in KOTOR I love them. Oh and Officer Chunk in Bloodlines, that stupid, stupid man.

A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: I don’t actually seek out more than one let’s play of a game. :V I’d say the old Call of Cthulhu game though - it’s really neat but buggy as all hell and the one time I tried starting it up it ended up breaking real big time. It’s fun to watch people luckier (or more tech competent) than I am play it and I wish I could do the same.

Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: My boyfriend and I sometimes do this thing where he’ll stream a game he’s playing and I’ll sit in voice chat with him while I work with the stream in the other screen, so probably the games he’s done there. Most recent ones have been: Metal Gear Solid, FF7 and FF9.

Online gaming or solo?: I looove solo games but I love online more. Being in an LDR, playing games together online is really good. I enjoy having fun with friends, and I also enjoy the competitive aspect that comes along with online games. It really pushes me to be better at things and improve. Usually I’m in some kind of MMO - it’s looking to be WoW for the forseeable future right now. Sometimes I’ll get dragged into games like Planetside or Destiny and have a fun time for a month or two as well. :) I had a ton of fun with Sea of Thieves a few months ago too! Living our Captain Jack fantasy.

Why do you play video games?:  More than ever recently - creative inspiration. I like poking into weird games or games with a really strong art direction or good writing. (EYE Divine Cybermancy, Pathologic, Sunless Seas/Skies, Cultist Simulator, Dishonored, Darkwood, and Darkest Dungeon being a few of them). I also just really like a good story and good characters. Being able to immerse myself in another world is great. I also play them for that little cookie of accomplishment - beating a hard boss (LOOKING AT YOU NAMELESS KING) or figuring out a puzzle (Cultist Simulator is chock full of those) or surviving spookies (Darkwood big time). Video games are great and they hold my attention better than TV or movies as I actually have to engage with them lol.

[kingexplosionfucker]

September 12, 2020

Dear Erin Devlin,

I got to see my friends today so that’s good, I guess. I haven’t seen them in a month since we both left for college. MZ and D brought D’s roommate with them, so it was kinda awkward. I’m not good at being with new people. I always feel like I don’t fit in and that I’ll say something dumb. I don’t wanna make a bad impression, ya know?

Anyway, I’ve been feeling kinda lonely lately. Like I know I have people to talk to. I know I have friends. I know people care about me. But hell, my brain sure likes to convince me that nobody cares about me at all. I usually find myself believing it too, even though logically I know that my brain is lying to me because of my depression.

I just feel like everything I do is such a waste sometimes. I study hard and try my best, but I still ended up not finishing my math exam. And I blamed my brother for making too much noise so that I couldn’t focus, and maybe that really was part of the reason I couldn’t finish. But I know that I’m really just making excuses so that I don’t feel as bad about my own failure. Honestly, I think I failed that test. But I don’t know yet if I did or not. All I can do is hope for the best, I guess. It’s not like worrying about it changes anything.

I was reading someone’s tumblr last night. I was scrolling through the suicide tags as you do, and I found a post about someone writing letters to their dead friend who killed himself. It made me wonder if my death would affect my friends that much. Would they be so torn up over my death that they can’t listen to my favorite songs without crying? Would they feel like they are missing apart of them?

I mean, I know that they would be sad, that they’d notice I’m no longer there. But, hell, it sure doesn’t feel like it sometimes. And it’s not even their fault I feel like that. It’s just that I read too much into everything and everyone seems to have a favorite person and that I’m never one of them.

Even my dog likes my mom better than me. Like I know he loves me unconditionally. But he follows my mom around everywhere and gets super excited about her and he just doesn’t react the same to me. He does follow me around when she isn’t here, but still. It just comes back to being no one’s favorite person.

And I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say that I should be my own favorite person. But I hate myself. How can I be my own favorite person if I despise myself with every fiber of my being? I am a bad person and no matter how much attone for my past mistakes, I can’t seem to stop making new ones. It seems like I can’t break the cycle of toxicity no matter how much I try and it makes me just wanna end that stupid cycle by ending myself.

I don’t think I’m ever gonna actually end myself, if you’re wondering. I don’t have the guts. I also don’t want to see the people I care about hurting. So I just sit and endure and try my damn hardest to make a future for myself and my family but I don’t do any of it for me. I do it for my family who drives me crazy but they don’t have anyone to take care of them so the burden falls on me.

I wish I didn’t have to shoulder the burden of being the responsible adult. I’m 19 for fuck’s sake! I’m barely an adult myself. But yet, here I am, desperately trying to save enough money to afford a place to live for my mother while I try to pay my college tuition. All while attending classes and doing coursework and trying to have a social life. I am failing miserably at having a social life. I guess I can’t do it all. I’m only human, I suppose.

So yeah. Basically I’m wishing I wasn’t ever born while balancing the weight of the world on my shoulders. The lyrics of a song come to mind when I think about that. Weight of the World by Citizen Soldier. You should check it out when you have the chance.

I feel the weight of the world over me tonight. If I break, If I break down this time, hope you know I tried. My mind’s such a mess. I can’t handle it. I’m at the end of my rope. I’m so sick of this, just so over it. Why won’t you let me let go?

My neck is breaking, body shaking. Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe. But no one sees. It follows me. I always end up underneath the weight of the world.

The weight of the world.

I don’t like, like myself very much, despite all your kind world. Can’t explain why I’m hurting myself, but it feels deserved.

My mind’s such a mess. I can’t handle it. I’m at the end of my rope. I’m so sick of this. I’m over it. WHY WONT YOU LET ME LET GO?!

My neck is breaking, body shaking. Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe. But no one sees. It follows me. I always end up underneath the weight of the world.

These thoughts won’t rest!I can’t forgive!I overthink until I’m sick. I’m too damn tired! Too worn to fight! I don’t feel strong enough to leave on the light.

To leave on the light.

There’s another chorus, but I don’t really wanna write it. Too much effort, ya know? You get the picture. This song perfectly describes how I feel. Except the hurting myself part. I don’t do that anymore, though I definitely have the urges to do it again often enough. I just know that it’s pointless. People will eventually find out and it’s just gonna be another way I hurt people. So I refrain. For now.

That’s pretty much all I wanted to say for now. Until next time I suppose.

Your best and most dearest friend,

Me