#but also shouldn't I be doing something that inspires or motivates me?

[violetclarity]

How do you...decide what you actually want to do with your life?

[maryrouille]

Toxic romanticization of studying

In a word of introduction, my profile partly shows that studying and exploring is wonderful. But as a person involved in science*, I would like to show healthy and true patterns of this beautiful adventure in acquiring knowledge.

The inspiration for writing this post this time was not the phenomenon from Tumblr (although you can also observe it here), but from Pinterest. There you can come across cycles composed of quotes and photos whose aim is to motivate young girls to learn, succeed and get good grades. These images often also show examples of characters from movies, TV series or real life that you can aspire to be like. Overall, I have to agree that it really works! But I would like to draw attention to certain elements that need to be verified.

1. You shouldn't get up at 5am

First of all, the correct amount of sleep is one of the most important factors affecting the proper and effective functioning of our brain. During sleep, nerve cells regenerate, organize information acquired during the day and consolidate memory traces, which is directly related to learning. Lack of sleep increases impulsivity, deepens negative thinking and slows down the body's reaction time!

2. You can be a genius without good grades

Of course, good grades are a pleasant confirmation of our knowledge and praise for hard work. However, sometimes it is worth considering whether the structure of exams themselves, especially those with closed questions, affects the results. We often study for one specific exam, the knowledge of which may be very… limited and sometimes not useful, so it is worth prioritizing the topics that we study hard.

3. It's not cool to think you're better than others

We are different and have different priorities in life. It is also worth considering how many people escape from the rat race and start a slow, stress-free life. So we have to agree that judging people based on grades or responses under stress (sic!) is not cool.

The good thing about romanticizing studying

As I have already said, these types of collages are really motivating. So let's talk about what's great about them and what's worth highlighting and saving for later.

1. Knowledge is beautiful, but your outfit and surroundings can also be

We know that we should never judge a book by its cover, but… the issue of social perception painfully confirms that we do and will continue to do so because this is how our brains work. And isn't it nice when someone looks at us and thinks this girl is so classy?

Moreover, a nice outfit that makes us feel good gives us a lot of self-confidence. There are also many studies confirming the positive impact on motivation and concentration of a neat and aesthetic workplace.

2. Not just cramming, but also discovering

Broadening your horizons is easier with passion and real commitment. And to achieve this, the topics must really interest us. Not everyone has yet found something that they are extremely passionate about in science, so that is why you have to dig deeper and discover different areas.

3. Don't be afraid to use your knowledge in practice

Schools and universities, unfortunately, have their own rules and they do not always allow you to show your 100% potential. Thus, share your knowledge with others externally, write essays, blog and social media. This form of activity also makes you learn things faster and easier. In addition, contacts with others will expand your knowledge.

Therefore, I must say that it is worth choosing your inspirations carefully. Nothing helps you enjoy studying better than a clear head and lack of prejudices.

*This post was inspired by my own experience with studying. If anyone is interested, I think I can share my mistakes that did not help me in an academic adventure :)

[kasagia]

Dancing with the devil II

Pairing: Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem! royal!reader Summary: The Na-Baron's birthday celebration on Giedi Prime at the beginning of the season makes you realise just how much work you'll have to put into becoming Empress—and even more into avoiding Harkonnen, who's showing you way too much attention. This is something that your almost-fiance definitely shouldn't like, and something that he doesn't notice. After all, there's little you can see in the darkness of Giedi Prime. Warning: kind of royal au!; 18+; violence; blood; Feyd Rautha; death; smut; Inspired by: Bridgerton and "Would've, could've, should've" - Taylor Swift Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ PART I ~•♤♤♤•~ PART III ~•♤♤♤•~

"Smile. And powder yourself. You look pale, as if we were going there for a beheading and not a ball." Your mother says, adjusting the position of the grid of diamonds decorating your head. You flinch as you feel the cool metal of the gems brush against your cheek.

The damn thing was heavy, but nice. You remember perfectly how Lord Luwael's eyes lit up when he saw you wearing a similar ornament in your hair.

"In a way it is. First we will see the fight in the arena." You are sceptical of what comes next when your ship lands on Giedi Prime. You didn't like this place. It was black and white, barren, devoid of life and any moral principles. It was therefore an ideal place for gossip to arise - especially the spicy ones.

Besides, your... last encounter with Na-Baron was still fresh in your memory. Especially in dreams. On those terrible nights, you dreamed about how, in the darkness of your gardens and under the moonlight, you allowed him to do... more wicked things. Things that even husbands and wives shouldn't do behind their chambers' doors. And as much as you felt aroused after every dream like this, you were also disgusted with yourself and hated the Na-Baron even more for your little fantasies.

This helped immensely when it came to increasing motivation to win the emperor's cousin's heart, but no amount of flirting with him helped you forget the touch of a certain Harkonnen. You found it very interesting. And you hoped that after fighting in the arena, your body would adopt the same attitude towards him as your brain. He was dangerous and should have been avoided by you at all costs, and yet, in every fantasy about him, you enjoyed his burning touch more than the previous ones and wanted much more to happen between you two.

"Better for you. Half of these charpies in silks and sparkles will faint and never set foot in a ballroom. Take this opportunity and stick to the arm of the emperor's cousin." She advises you, licking her finger and twisting a lock of your hair so it rests unruly against your temple and falls onto your cheek.

"Lord Luwael wrote to me all summer. Besides, you saw for yourself that he visited our planet several times."

"It does not mean anything. He could only be bored, so he flew around the planets looking for entertainment. You have to charm him, Y/N. Drive him crazy with a... desire for you so great that he will do anything to have you—only then will he propose to you. It's still a miracle that he looked at you, since we come from a worse dynasty than him." He reminds you dryly, and you press your lips into a thin line. He doesn't wait for your answer. She leaves your room, clearly expecting you to follow her, when the ship announces that you are about to land.

You take a shaky breath, looking at yourself in the mirror. Your home-coloured dress hugged your curves perfectly, showing off the best of your figure, and your makeup highlighted your cheekbones and gave your eyes depth. All of this made you an irresistible sight. Lord Luwael would have to be blind not to appreciate your beauty. You will leave Giedi Prime with a ring on your finger or on the ship of the emperor's cousin. You did not see any other possibility, nor did you want to allow something other to happen.

You put on your soft, genuine smile and leave the room to join your mother on the exit ramp. Moments later, the ramp descends, revealing the black sun of Giedi Prime. You frown and squint as you adjust to the atmosphere on the planet. Your mother and you come down to earth. As soon as you can see beyond the patch of land in front of you, you shiver as you notice the Na-Baron waiting near your ship. You feel your anxiety and nervousness rising inside you, but you try your hardest to maintain your polite smile.

"Viscountess Y/L/N. Lady Y/L/N." He greets you, his gravelly voice sending shivers down your spine. You try to control your breathing and heartbeat, as panic is rising within you.

He looks... even more intimidating than on your home planet. That night, his mask had covered practically his entire face, but now you could see him in all his glory. And damn you, because those tempting lips he had weren't the only advantage of his appearance.

His face looked as if thousands of painters had worked on it, as if it had been lifted from ancient paintings depicting beautiful demons tempting people to damnation. And, oh, what a handsome devil he was. If you believed in an afterlife, you would wonder if he escaped from hell to lead people into temptation.

You couldn't help but wonder if he would recognise you. Does he know that it was you who went with him to the garden a few months ago? You try to read some reaction from his face, but he maintains an emotionless, composed demeanour as he looks at you and your mother.

"Na-Baron. It's a great honour to be here to celebrate your birthday. May fate always be in your favour." She greets him kindly. You shiver in relief as he thankfully doesn't pay much attention to you as his gaze comes back to your mother. 

"I hope it will. The maids will show you the way to the guest wing and your chambers. All celebrations will take place tomorrow. I hope that you will soon get used to the atmospheric conditions in Giedi Prime. Until then." He nods at the maids standing behind him. Bald women come up to you and hand you tiny baskets. "Our guests find it quite useful."

You look at the things in the basket; your attention is caught by sunglasses with black lenses and a strange coat. Your mother reaches for her coat and, with practiced skill, slips it gracefully over herself, along with her glasses, as you stare unsteadily at the strange fabric.

"Lady Y/L/N. May I?" Na-Baron asks. However, he doesn't wait for your answer.

He comes closer to you, takes your cloak from the basket, and hands it to your servants. He wraps the coat around you, adjusting it to your figure and making sure to cover all of your exposed skin.

"We Harkonnens have a special pigment in our skin to prevent the carcinogenic effects of sunlight and burns from long-term exposure. You must remember to wear this coat outside to avoid any diseases, Lady Y/L/N." He says, standing behind you and tying the fabric of your coat together. He uncovers your face for a moment and puts on your sunglasses. "Nor your beautiful eyes to be damaged." He whispers, so only you can hear him.

You shiver, staring at him blankly, glad that your sunglasses allow you the convenience of hiding your eyes from him and whatever you're focused on.

Was it possible that he recognised you? Was he giving you a hint that he knew you were his white swan? NO. Impossible. He probably flirted with every single woman who came to Giedi Prime. After all, he was going to find a wife this season. He had to show his softer side and hide Giedi Prime's brutality from the naive noblewomen so that some stupid and naive one would marry him.

"We thank you very much for your kindness, Na-Baron." Your mother speaks for you, obviously angry that you haven't spoken up for yourself. You just nod, shifting your gaze to the castle behind him, trying to escape his watchful, searching gaze for a moment.

"Your welcome." He responds with a nod to your mother.

He takes your hand in his, making you tense slightly as he leans down and presses a short kiss on it. A shiver runs through you as you feel the shape of his lips through your gloves, and your mind automatically recalls the memory of that night. You smile at him politely and quickly join your mother's side, leaving Na-Baron on the ramp as another ship arrives.

"Do not act like that. Don't show that you're afraid of them. And be careful. It's very common for people here to disappear after showing disrespect to the Na-Baron. You know how, right?" She whispers furiously to you as you are led inside the palace by the maids.

"I... I know. I'm sorry." You say this thoughtfully, turning discreetly over your shoulder to watch him greet the other noble families. This time, he doesn't kiss anyone's hand or help anyone put on their protective cloak. You shake your head. He probably saw that you weren't engaged to anyone yet, and that's why you got... special treatment from him.

"Just don't act like a scared mouse. I raised you better."

Right. Your mother raised you better. That's why you shouldn't have disappeared into the garden with this mysterious stranger from the very beginning. It would save you a headache now that wasn't caused by the oppressive atmosphere on Giedi Prime. You just wanted this season to end as soon as possible. Preferably your marriage.

You walk hand in hand with Lady Y/F/N towards the arena, gossiping about what happened since last night. The Giedi Prime sun is somehow more bearable today; you don't know if it's because of the items given by Na-Baron or because the weather was exceptionally not as cruel as the day you arrived, but you feel much better. (Or maybe it was because you didn't see Na-Baron Harkonnen today.)

"I tell you, Princess Irulan was furious. I heard she destroyed her room, and the maids worked all night to get it back in order. Do you think it's possible? That the Emperor wants to marry her off to Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha?"

"Possible. It wouldn't be a stupid move. After all, Irulan cannot become emperor. She may be the firstborn, but she has no right to rule. It is logical that her father wants to marry her off to the second-best possible party, of course, when it comes to financial and political issues."

"Second best? Who's first?" You just smile at her question, watching the other noblewomen and their families walk towards the arena.

"Of course, as a woman in love, I must say that Lord Luwael."

"Has someone talked about me?"

A faint blush appears on your cheeks. You and Y/F/N turn around to see a smug Lord. You give him an equally mischievous smirk and curtsy, grabbing the arm he offered you.

"I do not think so. You must have misheard, Lord Luawel. Maybe it's the sun of Giedi Prime that bothers you so much that you lose your hearing?" You tease him as the three of you enter the arena.

"Lady Y/N, you don't have to worry about me so much, as sweet as that is. Fortunately, I don't need as much protection as you ladies do. However, I must admit that Giedi Prime is a terrible place. It does not allow you to see the natural beauty of certain things, taking away their colours."

"Maybe there's something… positive to be found here?" Y/F/N asks hesitantly as you pass a group of Harkonnens heading to the arena. The men say something in their harsh, unpleasant language that makes you shiver. You are only further insisting that there is nothing good to find on Giedi Prime.

"Positive? With all due respect, Lady Y/F/N, the Harkonnens have destroyed everything beautiful that could be left on this planet. Including their appearance and behavior." You giggle, careful not to let anyone else but the three of you hear you. But you wonder why your friend's attitude is so... sullen. She plays with her glove nervously as her eyes fall on the baron's older nephew, Rabban. "I don't know who is worse, him or his younger psychopathic brother."

"I think both of them are equal in their madness." You comment, agreeing with Lord Luwael.

Your eyes involuntarily land on Na-Baron, who exchanges a few words with one of his servants. You shiver when his eyes find yours—as if he has a special detector that makes him aware every time someone's eyes linger on him for too long.

He nods to you, looking at you carefully and examining your dress. His lips twitch into a smile when he sees you're wearing the coat he helped you adjust to your figure yesterday. You quickly turn your head towards Lord Luwael and give him one of your practiced, beautiful smiles.

"I… I'm sorry. I should join my family. Lord Luwael. Lady Y/N."

You frown, watching her walk away like a beaten puppy. You decide to question her about her strange behavior later in the evening. Now you had to focus on your lord.

"And you, lady? Are your wonderful mother and father with you?" Lord Luwael asks, placing his hand on top of yours after managing to penetrate the layers of material protecting your skin. He acts as if he wants to pull you much closer to him.

You feel the skin of your hand burn where it touches his, but unfortunately, not from... the excitement of this tiny, forbidden contact. Someone's eyes are watching you carefully, but you are too afraid to look towards Na-Baron to confirm that it is his irises that are staring hatefully at your joined hands.

"My mother had a headache, so she staid in her chamber. Unfortunately, my father couldn't show up at all. I hope you won't abandon me and leave me so lonely in this barbaric place, my lord?"

"I wouldn't dare do that. I am a gentleman. After all, someone has to catch you if you faint, my lady."

You smile sweetly at him, ignoring the sudden urge to kick him in the crotch for his words. You must maintain the innocent demeanour of a cute, awkward, and sweet noblewoman. Even though you hated it...

"Oh, you don't know how much I appreciate it, my lord." You say, wondering if you should actually pretend to faint and let him catch you. It would be very romantic if he carried you out of the arena in his arms and took you to the medic. Plus, you wouldn't have to watch... Na-Baron's entire performance.

You take your seat in the guest box. The arena shakes with the screams and applause of people who are truly eager for their Na-Baron to shed blood. Lord Luwael hands you the binoculars and gently removes your cloak as you both notice that you are protected from the sun's rays by a special black glass window.

You shiver as the Harkonnen's war drums sound and the announcer says something in their language, announcing Feyd-Rautha's fight.

A blush involuntarily blooms on your cheeks when you see that Na-Baron has decided to fight without a shirt or any armour protecting his chest. You hungrily stare at his muscular torso as he shows off his warrior body, which is decorated with paint—probably their war symbols, bringing good luck in battle.

"A real poseur and playboy. He only does it to attract attention."

"Probably. But you can't say, that it doesn't work, my lord." You say and nod towards the other ladies, who are also staring at the muscular figure of a warrior that Na-Baron proudly displays.

"Does it work for you?"

"I'm just a woman. But I prefer… slightly more hairy men." Lord Luwael chuckles at your comment, giving you a mischievous look. His attention briefly returns to Na-Baron, who lets out a belligerent cry after the murder of the first prisoner. You see him shiver slightly and his eyebrows furrow before his attention returns to you.

"So would I also gain your attention if I appeared… in a similar condition?"

"My lord, you would then have my complete undivided attention." You respond equally flirtatiously. The man sitting next to you hums in appreciation. His hand reaches up to cup your face, his thumb gently caressing your cheek as he stares at you, entranced.

"You, lady, have my undivided attention at all times and occupy my every thought." Unfortunately, you can't respond to his comment with something as sweet as Na-Baron's angry, painful scream that echoes from the arena.

Your attention returns to the fight. Na-Baron fights the last opponent, who, surprisingly, is not under the influence of drugs. You watch the fight with curiosity, even more so when you see blood pouring from Na-Baron's side.

"He had to distract himself. So far, he hasn't had any problems fighting him." You hear people commenting around you, but your eyes are focused only on Na-Baron.

You shiver as his gaze wanders towards your box, and it feels like he's looking right at you, making sure you're watching him. You put this idea out of your head. He probably didn't even know your name. He couldn't recognise you; he would definitely show it by now if he did.

You shiver as he lets out a menacing scream and charges at his opponent. His movements are quick, well-aimed and aimed as he delivers slashes, perfectly avoiding the blade of the prisoner he is fighting. You hold your breath as he knocks the blade out of your opponent's hands and stabs him in the stomach several times.

Na-Baron whispers something to the warrior and slowly lowers him to the ground as he draws his last breath. You can't take your eyes off his bloody form. His piercing gaze is still directed towards your lodge as he raises his blade. The crowd in the arena screams, people applaud, and you feel Lord Luwael next to you slowly begin to fall to the ground.

"Lord Luwael!" You scream, attracting the attention of the people around you. Several men help you, and they lift the unconscious lord. They carry him outside, and you want to follow them, but unfortunately for you, the second round of Na-Baron's fight begins, so you can't just leave. So you go back to your seat, thinking hard.

Lord Luwael apparently had another negative trait besides being a hopeless romantic—a firm believer in preserving a strictly traditional, patriarchal system. He fainted at the sight of blood and abhorred violence.

You sigh, wondering how the hell you're supposed to cope with a husband and an emperor who's afraid to draw someone's blood and pick up a sword.

Your gaze falls back on the fighting Na-Baron. If only he was less... Harkonnen... You shake your head at the idea that crossed your mind. No. You are going to become the empress. Nothing could change that plan, and certainly not one night of oblivion and pleasure with a brutal, psychopathic future Baron of a dead planet.

But that doesn't stop you from admiring the way Na-Baron's muscular chest ripples with each rapid breath or the way his muscles twitch with his movements. And unfortunately, you can't stop your thoughts from wandering and imagining him moving into a much more... intimate situation.

"Did she watch the fight?" Feyd asks his servant as the medic stitches up his wound.

He finished the fight a few minutes ago. People were probably starting to gather in the ballroom, but he had to clean up and put things in order before he appeared in public. Before he shows himself to you.

"At first, she was a little distracted by this... lord. But he fainted halfway through Na-Baron's fight, so afterwards her attention was entirely on you, my lord."

"He fainted? Weak spawn. Did she enjoy my performance?" Feyd asks, slightly irritated by the way the medic's fingers are shaking with fear as he tends to the wound.

"She was definitely impressed. I think Na-Baron's decision not to wear the breastplate helped, as did the fact that the guards made sure not to let Lord Luwael into the arena again."

"Very good, you did a great job. Keep it up. I'm going to need you to distract that pet of hers for a while. You can do it, right?"

"Of course, my lord Na-Baron."

"Women like flowers. Those outside Giedi Prime." The medic comments as he finishes stitching up his wound. Feyd looks at him for a moment, then nods at his servant.

"This is a wonderful idea. Order a vase of the rarest flower species to be placed in her chambers. I'll give you a note tonight, after the ball."

Before Feyd finishes his sentence, he already holds the medic's arm and plunges a dagger into his stomach. The man groans in shock as he stares in sheer terror at the Na-Baron.

"Because of you, I'll be late for my own ball." He growls and puts on a black shirt, ignoring the blood on his fingers as he walks out of the infirmary.

He walks through the halls of the palace, hurrying to his chambers to change. His thoughts involuntarily go to you, remembering your intoxicating scent and the softness of your skin under his lips. Damn him if he lets some lesser man have the taste of what is his.

You belonged to him from the moment he killed for you the emperor's dog that tried to bite you. If necessary, he will kill another one to make sure that no man will dare to adore you again.

But Feyd couldn't do it; as much as he dreamed of it, he preferred to gain your... feelings rather than force you to marry him. And maybe he enjoyed the thrill of chasing you, but only as long as his claims for you weren't at risk. And this little... lord was hanging around way too close to you.

He didn't know at all what you saw in this weak man. He wasn't handsome, he couldn't fight, and he couldn't defend you. Certainly not before Feyd. You needed someone strong—someone who wasn't afraid of your true nature or unleashing it. You weren't yourself hanging out with that lord. He watched the two of you closely, and countless times he saw you tighten your hand around a glass, a fan, or in a fist when that lord made a remark that irritated you, but instead of snapping back like you did with Feyd, you smiled falsely sweetly and nodded obediently.

His beautiful, brave swan, instead of hissing at the fools around her, only tried harder to attract them. And this annoyed Feyd immensely. You could be so much more than just a pretty face. You had a character that Feyd admired in you, but instead of showing it with pride, you hid it deep inside, afraid of society's opinion.

You would make a wonderful Baroness. With you by his side, he wouldn't worry about anyone seeing him as weak man. And he himself found worthy company in you during that wonderful night on your planet. If only you hadn't run away from him, hadn't believed the rumours so much, and weren't afraid of him, but rather of what he might do to you, you and Feyd would make a wonderful match.

As he approaches his chamber, he hears the ladies giggling. He decides to hide in a side corridor and wait until the gossiping women leave. But he perks up his ear excitedly when he hears what they're talking about—and that you're among them too.

"Na-Baron put on quite a show. Have you seen these muscles?" Feyd can barely keep from giggling. But he can't help but wonder how you assessed his... muscles.

He did it especially for you—to tease you a little with what you could have had that night if you hadn't run away from him like a scared little mouse. How many nights did he spend dreaming about catching you before that frail lord got you...

"Oh please. He's a cruel brute. Psychopath. Did you see how he treated that poor man? Moreover, most of his opponents were under the influence of drugs."

His hairless eyebrows furrow. He feels his rage rising; he wants to come out of his hiding place and show this royal bitch a real fight, but he knows that his uncle will kill him for laying a hand on the emperor's daughter.

"I'm not surprised at him. After all, he's the next Baron, they won't risk his life for some lame arena show."

"What do you think about it, Lady Y/N?"

Feyd licks his lips, eagerly waiting for your opinion on his fight. His heart beats fast as he wonders what you will say. Will you praise his fighting skills? Appearance? Ruthlessness and brutality? Or maybe you loathe it as much as Princess Irulan does?

He waited nervously, his heart beating fast as he waited impatiently for even one word from you.

"I… think we had a rather… interesting fight anyway. Regardless of the circumstances."

His excitement fades when you limit yourself to such a simple, diplomatic, and natural answer. He doesn't want to hear something like that from you. He wants your opinion; he wants to hear the burning heat in your voice as you express your true thoughts and emotions with great conviction, even if they go against what he wants. He wants your passion—the same passion he has experienced the few times he has had the opportunity to be around you.

"But it's not honorable! How dare they treat prisoners like this?" Irulan growls furiously at you.

"And in your country, how are they treated, my princess? They either end up in a noose or have their heads cut off. Here, maybe being under the influence of drugs isn't the best thing, but at least they have a dignified death for warriors—those who don't fight Na-Baron are fighting in the arena for their freedom and are not under the influence of any substance. I don't think this is the case in many countries. Besides, it boosts morale and entertains the people. Two birds with one stone."

Feyd feels a smirk involuntarily form on his lips. He knew that his little, wise swan would think just like he did. However, I regret that you do not praise his skills as a warrior but only focus on the usefulness of such fights. Next time, he will try harder for you. Maybe he will even give you the heart of the strongest warrior?

"Of course you'll flatter him, Lady Y/N. After all, he clearly has his eyes on you. I saw the way he looked at you the day you arrived—it was clearly love at first sight."

"Oh yes! And I saw him looking across the arena towards your box! He got so distracted by looking at you that one of the prisoners stabbed him in the side! It's so sweet, just like a real romance book."

Feyd freezes for a moment. Was it that obvious? He couldn't, right? Maybe he was accidentally looking for you in the crowd of other people, but... he couldn't be that easy to read, right?

"I would never dream of courting Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha, not even in your wildest fantasies my ladies. So maybe let's focus on the real, more likely matches that could happen this season."

At your words, Feyd clenches his hands into fists. How dare you so openly reject his possible advances? It was the best match in the empire. In fact, he could be a future emperor, and he'd damn well do it for you if that was all it took to get his hand in marriage. Seething with rage, his hand involuntarily went to the blade attached to his side. He had to find someone; he had to take it out on someone; but then again, he needed to hear more. Why does the thought that he adores you bother you so much? Did he do something to you? Has he offended you in any way? Was it your reluctance and disgust at the idea of having him as a suitor just because he was a Harkonnen?

"You mean your questionable engagement to my cousin?" Princess Irulan mocks you, fueling Feyd's anger both with the way she speaks to you and with your engagement to that weak piece of flesh wasting air in your presence.

"Why questionable, my princess? I think this would be the perfect match. Lady Whistledown herself devoted several of her paragraphs to it."

Feyd rolls his eyes at you. Have you also read the nonsense of some old lady who was bored enough to comment on events in the world of noble families? And here he thought that his swan was too smart for that...

"My cousin may be stupid and be fooled by a few pretty words and eyes, but he doesn't make rash decisions. He knows what kind of marriage will be best for him. He won't marry someone from a lesser family just because some anonymous writer is having fun spreading rumors."

"Do you have someone special for Lord Luwael in your mind, maybe?"

"I think we all know very well who I mean."

Feyd smiles, and for the first time, he is not hating the princess's existence. If she actually took this weak lord from you, the fight for your hand and heart would be much more enjoyable for him; after all, he wouldn't have to worry that you would marry some other man while he was trying his best to get closer to you. It would definitely make courting you easier if Irulan tried to charm your weak little lord...

"Hmm… possible. But tell us, princess, how's your Bene Gesserit training going? Has the Reverend Mother assigned you any task yet?"

"I believe this is none of your business."

Ah, so you knew. You knew that the Bene Gesserit were planning to marry him to Irulan—something he certainly wouldn't allow. But if he lets you believe it, would you fight for him? Would you try to convince him to stop chasing Irulan? You could. After all, you would see it as a threat to your position as empress. Feyd is curious what lengths you would go to if such a situation occurred—how far would you go in trying to seduce him and leave Irulan?

Feyd is no longer eavesdropping on the rest of your conversation. You pass him, and he quickly sneaks back to his chambers, changing his clothes. His mind races as he wonders what he should do now. And he decides to give you one last chance before he puts his plan into action.

The balls at Gieid Prime are… different from those you usually witness. The ballroom is lit by a thousand candles, the room is kept in semi-darkness, and you are more than convinced that some orgy is taking place somewhere in the corners and recesses of this huge hall.

You are just finishing your dance with Lord Luwael when Feyd-Rautha enters the hall. Na-Baron is greeted with loud applause and cheers. He smiles at the crowd of people, showing a row of night-black teeth. You shiver at the sight. You just don't know if it's out of fear or desire. You realise that every time you think he can't make himself a more terrible monster, he comes in like the bane of your existence and proves you dead wrong.

Oh how you wanted to finally leave Giedi Prime.

"Unfortunately, I think we should wish him a happy birthday. Everyone does it."

You nod at his words, seeing the rest of the guests actually gather around Feyd-Rautha. You place your hand in the crook of his arm and let him guide you towards Na-Baron. The alcohol you managed to drink without your companion's attention and the man's mere presence will give you a bit of courage. Although you know, if a real fight broke out between these two men, the candidate for your husband would probably faint from fear when he saw the first blood and lose it. What a pity he had such an annoying condition...

"Na-Baron. Happy birthday." Your companion says as you reach Feyda-Rautha. His blue, ocean-glacial eyes stare at the two of you, ignoring you for a moment to send an appraising glance towards the man whose arm you're holding. You see a strange tension building in the room between these two...

"Thank you very much, lord…"

"Luwael." He finishes for him, angry that he is not properly recognised and acknowledged by the Na-Baron.

"Ah yes. It slipped out of my mind. Wouldn't you be offended if I took the liberty of asking your lovely partner to dance? It's my birthday, after all." Na-Baron's attention is completely on you, and you wish he and Lord Luwael had spent more time on this little alpha male fight. You open your mouth, ready with an excuse to deny him the dance, but the man next to you speaks first.

"Of course. Enjoy yourself." Na-Baron gives him a smug smirk that only widens when Lord Luwael flinches at Feyd's black teeth.

You suppress a grimace and give your hand to the Harkonnen. He takes your hand with incredible gentleness and leads you to the centre of the room, right onto the dance floor. Before the dancing starts, he has the courage to take off your gloves. You give him a confused look, your heart beating faster, as he leans in to press a kiss on your hand. You shiver as the skin of your hand registers the now familiar shape of his plump lips.

He places his hand on your waist and connects your hand with his, leading you to the rhythm of a rather calm song.

"Such fire… and yet your anger does not reach Lord Luwael. What did he do to deserve this special treatment, my lady? Maybe you're worried about him after he fainted in the arena like some weak, little boy?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about." You say, turning your gaze away from him, wanting to spend the rest of the dance in silence. You keep your eyes peeled for Lord Luwael, but unfortunately, you can't find him anywhere. As if he had evaporated.

"Is it so, little swan?" A cold chill runs through you as you use the nickname for you that he used that night. You feel your world freeze for a moment. He continues to lead you in the rhythm of the dance, allowing himself to pull you a little closer to inhale the scent of your perfume, but you don't notice, terrified of what he told you he knew.

"I... no." You blurt out, trying to control your emotions, and put on the mask of indifference on your face again.

"Well... I guess you know. Your heart beats so fast, almost as fast as that night when I tasted your wonderful nectar straight from the source. You know there's nothing as sweet as your juices?"

"How dare you speak to me like that?!" You growl furiously, unconsciously digging your nails into his palm.

"So she can still hiss! And she even has claws. I remember how sweetly you scratched my neck with them before you ran away like a scared little bird."

"Shut up." You growl, feeling like you're starting to lose control of this whole conversation. And not just conversation. You noticed that you had somehow found yourself outside the ballroom. The music from there reaches you in the form of a gentle hum as it presses you against the wall of one of the empty corridors. You swallow, realising what a sh*t situation you are in.

"Or what? Watch your tone, little swan. It's my birthday. You should be nicer to me. I didn't actually hear you wish me a happy birthday; your little puppet did it for you."

"Unlike some, he is a real gentleman, not a puppet or monster."

"Ah, but we know very well that you don't want a gentleman. A gentleman wouldn't do to you the things I did to you, and we both know how deliciously you moaned under my touch and how you shuddered as my tongue tasted you. Do you think your weak lord can do to you the things I showed you in the darkness of your house planet? That he can satisfy your desire? That he can free you from your shackles of social conventions as I can free you? You need someone bigger than the lesser man. I've already told you that. You won't settle for a man like that."

"You do not know anything about me. One night—not even the whole night—spent under my skirts won't suddenly make you know my true desires. You have changed, Feyd-Rautha. You're not the same boy from the Lankiveil I used to know." He hums thoughtfully at your worlds, watching you carefully and curiously.

"Hmm… maybe you're right, little swan. I think I need to do more to convince you that I am right."

You sigh as his lips press against yours in a frenzied, passionate kiss. You punch his chest, trying to push him away, but he presses hard against you, pinning you against the wall. You feel the toned muscles of his body as he grinds against you, demanding full access to your mouth.

You bite his lip until it bleeds, but that only turns him on more. His strong, large hand cups your breast, squeezing it tightly. You let out a surprised moan, and his tongue somehow finds a way to slip into your open mouth.

The material of your dress tears under his strength; his hands pull your breasts out of your dress and caress them as if his life depended on it. His fingers graze over your sensitive nipples, and you can only moan into his mouth as he sends a warmth straight to your core that reminds you desperately of how his tongue was working so well to release you that you had denied yourself.

You come to the shameful conclusion that maybe you could have let him bring you to orgasm before you ran away from him.

His lips finally leave yours, but you don't enjoy this freedom for long. They move to your neck, licking and nibbling madly, as if someone were about to tear him away from you. And the worst thing about it all is that you don't really know if that's what you want.

You scream as his black teeth dig into your skin, leaving a mark in the crook of your neck. You hear the click of enamel against metal as he accidentally catches your necklace, but he doesn't move away; he just sinks his teeth into it, as if trying to split a diamond in half.

He pulls away from you; you see the blood on his plump lips—your blood—and it only makes you more aroused. His hand slips under your skirts and reaches to your core, caressing you teasingly. You gasp, closing your eyes and throwing your head back.

"Such a good little whore when she gets fingers and a few hickeys on her neck. Does your lord know what a shrew you are until someone kisses the venom from your lips? Does he know what fire burns inside you? Does he know what a wonderful feast you have between your legs for a thirsty man? Does he know you as well as I do? Has he seen how beautiful you look in the whirlwind of passion?"

His every question is punctuated by the rhythm of the thrusting of his fingers. You moan softly, holding back tears of pleasure, as he slowly brings you to the edge. You dig your nails into his shoulders, holding onto him with all your strength as he plays with your clit and sucks hickeys on your breasts.

"So sweet… so soft… so wet. And it's for me. Just for me. For Harkonnen. Say it. Tell me who fucks that little pussy so well with his fingers. Tell me who's driving you crazy. Tell me whose attention you really want, you wanton little bitch, and maybe I'll let you cum, despite the way you treated me… and on my own birthday…"

"I... you... you..." You gasp in rhythm with the thrusts of his fingers.

"Nah. Not like that. My name, beautiful little swan. Scream my name. Exactly the way you should have done that night in the garden." He whispers into your ear, biting the lobe. You moan as his fingers go deeper inside you, and his other hand caresses your breast, playing with your nipple.

"I... ah... Feyd.... Feyd, please..." You cry for him as your hips grind against his hand, seeking the sweet release that only he can give you.

"Yes…just like that…cum for me. Give me my birthday present and shout my name." You can only nod dumbly as you feel him take you over the edge. You bite down hard on his neck, refraining from making any noise as you tighten around his fingers, finally coming.

You gasp, feeling the metallic taste of his black blood on your tongue.

You move away from him as if burned. Your heart beats insanely fast as you stare at him, trying to process what happened. He pulls his finger out of you with a squelch, and you blush furiously. He puts his fingers in his mouth, sucking them. He moans at the taste of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

"Perfect birthday gift. Although I believe I can get more." Just as he moves to kneel between your legs, you hear the voices of the guards patrolling the halls. You push him away from you in panic and run forward, trying to improve your appearance a little.

This time, he's not after you. He didn't make any attempt to chase you. He allows you to traverse the halls of Giedi Prime without the feeling of his breath on your back, but you are very aware that you have miserably lost today's battle against him. He did exactly what he wanted with you and would have gone much further (and unfortunately, you would have let him) if you hadn't sobered up with the possibility of getting caught.

You told yourself that this was what you needed to get over him. After all, forbidden fruit always tasted the best, and once you experienced the Na-Baron's... undoubted skills, you could move on and marry a man who was the absolute opposite of him, a man with whom you didn't have to worry so much about the future, as with Feyd-Rautha.

Yes, this was what you needed—one last affair before the wedding—to make sure you're doing it right. Because what would await you as Na-Baron's wife, or, God forbid, concubine? Nothing good. The Harkonnens were the harbinger of misfortune, suffering, pain, aggression, and, apparently, good sex.

Whatever you and Na-Baron were doing, it had to end now.

"I'm supposed to be his wife?! This barbarian?! You can't do this to me, father! Feyd-Rautha will destroy the empire and plunge us into the blood of war and senseless brutality. He's a psychopath; can't you see it? Surely there must be another way to keep the throne!" Irulan's screams echo throughout the guest wing. Your eyes widen in surprise, the unpleasant pang in your chest only adding to your daze.

So the rumours were true. The emperor wants to give Irulan to Feyd. You don't like this idea very much. If the Harkonnens married into the Corrino family, your right to the throne of Emperor, or rather the right of Lord Luwael, would be in jeopardy. No one stood a chance against them.

You snap out of your daze when you see the door handle to Irulan's chambers begin to move. You quickly run to your room and close the door quietly behind you as you wonder what the hell just happened in these few hours.

You return to your chambers blushing and with a rapidly beating heart. You can still feel Na-Baron's lips vividly on your neck, and you're sure you'll have to cover it tomorrow so no one will see the hickeys that bastard gave you.

How stupid you were again! How could you let him get so close to you again and corner you when you were alone in his territory?! And what's worse, he knew that it was you who went with him to the garden that night; he knew and he wanted more from you...

You shudder as wicked thoughts enter your mind, all because of Na-Baron's tantalisingly absurd whispers. How could you enjoy his attack on you? How could you moan so loudly in a deserted corridor? How could you shout his name and attract the attention of the guards?

You were damn lucky that no one caught you, that Lord Luwael disappeared somewhere, and that he didn't see you giving yourself to this... this monster like a mindless whore. It had to be the alcohol. They must have put something in your drink; you couldn't just... enjoy the touch of a Harkonnen, a Harkonnen who just a few hours ago had slaughtered you in the arena before your eyes and was enjoying it like a little child enjoys a candy... A Harkonnen whose body was ethereal beautifully...

You are snapped out of your thoughts when your mother enters your room in a state of… extreme daze.

"Mother? Have something happened?" You ask her, worried that your little (another) tryst with the Na-Baron might have turned out to be not such a secret at all.

"Lord Luwael just asked for my consent to propose to you. You did very well, Y/N. You will be an empress."

You swallow nervously and smile, nodding your head. Your mother hugs you, and you feel millions of thoughts racing through your head. You will become empress, but only if Irulan and Feyd-Rautha don't marry, and there was only one way to make sure that would happen.

You had to play a game with the devil himself and seduce and deceive him until the day it would be too late for his marriage to Irulan and you and Lord Luwael would take the emperor's throne. But how the hell were you supposed to do that without getting burned?

Taglist: @iloved1lfs0 @heartarianagran

[str8rat]

(edit: if you saw this being posted twice no you didnt i fucked something up)

OHHH MY GODD YES PLEASE?? YES?? PRETTY PLEASE?? I'd love to talk about and theorize about this AU ;w; I'm super open to more suggestions and ideas!!!

Also.. i've done a little thing.. so this ask really got me into the AU atm.. WHICH I SHOULDN'T BE FOCUSING ON CUZ I NEED TO FINISH THE ANIMATIC BEFORE SUMMERBREAK but it really got me motivated to write. And so i did, I wrote SO FUCKING MUCH about the Change God of this au, as well as the fucked up cults it has, and a bit about the Universe as a diety too. Won't be sharing it yet tho!! this post would be too fucking long ._. and this pocket cat thing which is called Chat de Poche in this AU. anyways, enjoy the lore of this harmless uwu kitty below;

~ ~ ~

Chat de Poche – This AU’s version of Pocket Cat, is a sinister figure rumored to steal naughty children from their parents, never to be seen again. On the first floor of the House, the party encounters this seemingly harmless Sadness. Upon interaction, Chat de Poche offers the party a chilling proposition: if they sell Bonnie to it, they will receive a weapon that "will ensure their victory against the King."

The party is horrified by the mere suggestion of sacrificing their lovable little Chef Cooker. But to their shock, Bonnie, swallowing down their fear, bravely insists that they aren’t scared and implies they might agree to the deal. After all, that would prove them to be useful for once, wouldn't it..? The party, however, refuses outright.

Mirabelle, overcome with emotion, breaks down in tears, apologizing to Bonnie for ever making them feel like they weren’t doing enough, and for feeling they needed to sacrifice themselves to be valued. Bonnie, moved to tears, hugs Mirabelle tightly, asking her not to cry. Isabeau quickly joins the embrace, forming a comforting cuddle pile. While this unfolds, Odile turns her attention to Chat de Poche, her expression unreadable.

In a flash, she unleashes a devastating Paper Craft Attack, slicing the entity in half. The room falls silent as the party watches Odile, getting rid of Chat de Poche with one swift attack, leaving behind only a puddle of dark, lifeless goo, like any defeated Sadness. Odile, her face still inscrutable, then turns to Bonnie and gives them a soft head pat before calmly suggesting they move on.

The moment is both chilling and awe-inspiring, solidifying Odile’s position as a powerful, yet ruthless force within the party. Especially towards those that dare to land a hand on her family.

ODILE FUCKING ROCKS

[yakichoufd]

Saw the answer about struggling with your art and I just wanted to say that I'm trying to learn how to draw and your art is inspiration for me , I want to be able to draw like you someday I really love your style and I think you're really funny.

Everyone goes to times they struggle with their creations but I just wanted you to know that I look at your stuff and it's a goal for.me to get this good.

I'm trying to pick it up in my late 20s so I struggle a lot with lack of progress but looking at art like yours makes me think "I wanna do stuff like that someday" so it's a huge motivation an a big part of the reason o haven't quit yet.

Thank you so much for your message, dear Anon! I started drawing again in my late 20s too (now I'm 33 and I picked up drawing again around 27. I used to draw in college but once I started working, I thought I shouldn't draw fanarts anymore (I only draw fanarts. I am not interested by original creation)...I used to work for TV animation and I thought my coworkers would get mad to know I make shipping fanarts LMAO (just so you know, people who works in animation love making fanarts!!! I blocked myself for a stupid assumption. And people don't give a damn if you draw shipping fanarts. Most of the time people who works in animation are super chill and open minded!)) Drawing after a very long break is really hard and to be honnest, I never see my improvement until I look at my old art. I try to remind myself I didn't know how to draw multiple characters in a same scene 4 years ago. I didn't understand composition either. I thought I would never be a smut fanartist cause my anatomy was wonky and now that's how I make a living. Last year I thought I would never be able to draw comics and here I am haha! Maybe I'm feeling down about my art because I am scared of disappointing people? Having an audience is so awesome but a little bit intimidating too! I also think my expectations are too high for my current level, but that's also how we keep pushing ourselves to get better! If you don't notice your mistakes then you never improve, right? Making art is an endless journey of frustration hahaha! Few things that helped me greatly lately is to study from pictures and also to stop trying to make everything "perfect". Maybe it could help you as well! Good luck with your art journey. It is hard and painful but it is always very rewarding to know you created something <3

[super-paper]

How do you think AFO would be taken out?

Hard to say! All the heroes uniting against him as ~the ultimate evil~ might seem satisfying on some level, but it also plays directly into AFO's toxic comic book narrative and it doesn’t really "engage" with his character in a totally satisfying way, if that makes sense. I'm firmly on team "afo shouldn't get what he wants, Ever" so I'm not a fan of any ending that merrily sends him off into his next life as a "demon lord" instead of actively trying to rip that mask from him. Hori hasn't really let me down on this front, yet-- and as I suspected, it does seem as though chapter 419's AFO is more or less picking up where body!AFO's character arc left off. AFO's core desires as a human and the immensely fragile "heart" he's hidden away are both things that are being directly challenged in the most recent chapter, too:

Izuku, the hero, constantly inspires others to come to his aid because he doesn't hide his humanity, his identity, or his struggles from others-- people see him fighting for his life and realize that he is "just like them," and that motivates them to rush to his side and offer help. Meanwhile, AFO finds himself completely alone because he wont let go of the demon lord role and accept his own humanity. Something something We Still Need To Know His Name smthing sm.

With all of that in mind, I still think the most appropriate way of defeating him involves forcing him to confront his own humanity + weakness in all its ugliness (which Hori has already been doing at a pretty steady rate this arc!) and ultimately forcing him to take responsibility for Yoichi's death. This might seem like a massive leap from the person AFO is right now, but depending on how things go, I do think Hori could pull it off.

Anyway, as for what I would like to see:

Personally, I would like an end where he willingly lets Yoichi go (and by proxy, finally lets Tenko go). Not because I think this would redeem him (it wont) or because I want him redeemed (i don't), but because I do feel like something along these lines would be the natural conclusion to his character arc and the best way to symbolize him accepting death/his mistakes. He came into the world desperately gripping onto Yoichi, and was unable to ever truly live or truly die due to his obsession-- so it makes sense to me that AFO will only be able to leave this world when he finally lets Yoichi go. Like.... even now, we see him stubbornly persisting with the idea of conquering the world even though he feels it's totally pointless-- with the implication that he's doing this because the demon lord role and the captain hero comics are literally the only thing he has atp that still connect him to Yoichi in some capacity.

If I end up being right and the OFA embers now exist within Tenko's body, then ideally, I still want some sort of conversation + resolution between the brothers before Yoichi finally passes on with the rest of the OFA embers. I'll admit that I've never been 100% fond of the idea of reading Izuku & Tenko's story as Yoichi/AFO's "good ending", simply because so much of Tenko's story is about reclaiming his own identity (+ detangling himself from his abusers) and so much of Izuku's story is about finding his own identity-- which is why I feel the final resolution to the OFAFO plot needs to be between AFO and Yoichi, not Izuku and Tenko.

I actually don't want Tenko to kill him! I think I've said this before, but I feel this outcome would be only satisfying to folks who want Tenko to have very surface-level revenge on his abuser w/o thinking about the effect this act would have on Tenko himself. I personally feel it wouldn't do Tenko any favors, mentally, since the crux of AFO's abuse involved convincing Tenko that he only exists to destroy. And people really hate to admit it, but-- Tenko sincerely loved AFO and I don't want him to have to repeat the tragedy of being forced to kill someone he loved all over again (even if they don't deserve that love by any stretch of the word). Like, a lot of people want Tenko to take AFO out the same way he took Kotaro out, but I feel this would only emphasize how Tenko and AFO are trapped in an endlessly repeating cycle.

side note: Kotaro coming directly from AFO's stomach/womb during the 270's vestige realm sequence feels extremely intentional now, what with the constant cannibalism and pregnancy imagery surrounding AFO and Tenko. MHA continues to be a masterful example of visual storytelling and Horikoshi continues to be a straight up freak for no real reason /positive!

A big part of Tenko's healing was always going to involve him confronting his feelings for Kotaro, specifically-- all of his love and disappointment and wishes and anger. And with that in mind, it feels like Hori is setting AFO up to act as a sort of Kotaro proxy for this next stretch of Tenko's character arc (even TomurAFO's current hairstyle and facial structure reminds me of a mix of Kotaro x AFO x Toshi.... Hori really said "Tomura's final character design is gonna be a mish-mash of every potential father-figure who has ever let him down byeeeeee :)" and he was sooooo sick for doing that wtf). Anyway, I know people like to joke about AFOtaro, but honestly, the narrative itself really does justify the read of Tenko being AFO and Kotaro's traumababy lmfao...., 😭

Also worth mentioning is that this iteration of AFO/TomurAFO has pupils, despite there being no Tenko component to his personality at this time. AFO's lack of pupils are textually/canonically meant to convey his inability to "see" others as people, so I'm very interested to see where Hori intends to take things from here.

[chaysreality222]

How To Get Your Shifting Motivation Back!

hey guys, it's c! it's been awhile since i posted. i've been so busy with my personal life that i've lost some of my motivation to shift. which is why i wanted to make a post about it, to tell you that it is completely normal. if you're feeling like how i do, let's gain back our motivation again together.

Something I want everyone to acknowledge is that it's okay to lose motivation about shifting. You're not going to be and feel motivated all the time and THAT'S NORMAL. It isn't because you're not interested in it anymore, you just really haven't made or had the time. If you're anything like me, you've just been genuinely busy and that's okay too.

Why I want you to acknowledge that is because (I'm not sure if this is a universal feeling but) you start to feel a sense of guilt. "If I made time to shift the past couple of nights, I would have finally made it to my dr", "I should've already finished my new dr script so I can shift", "everyone else has shifted except me because I'm not focused enough", "I'm taking so long to shift because I haven't made any time to". I'm sure all these thoughts and more have passed through our mind when we found ourselves in a unmotivated slump. The guilt + the lack of motivation just causes you to be more unmotivated.

I don't want you to feel guilty anymore, because you shouldn't be. Yes, you could've already shifted BUT you can also shift now. There's nothing that can stop you from doing that.

After coming down from the unmotivated spiral, you can finally move on. Now, here's the fun part to getting your motivation back! Here are some tips I think are helpful.

Tips to gain back shifting motivation:

Make a playlist. Gather all the songs that remind you of shifting, how it feels to finally shift to your desired reality, or how it will feel to finally meet the people in your dr.

Create a mood board. Find photos of people, places, and things that relate to your dr. This is a great way to help visualize. You can also add things that you want with you in your dr. (I personally use Pinterest).

Read. Find and read a book that is based on your desired reality. Get connected with your dr again. You can even read some of other people's shifting stories.

Watch a video, movie, or tv-show. Again, find something that is related to your desired reality. It's a great way to help you visualize your dr and everyone in it. You can also watch videos about other people's dr's or what they put in their script to gain more ideas.

Watch your favorite reality shifting content creators. Mine are generally Ati, Kort, Liz, Alexa, and Kay on tiktok. Watching their videos are inspiring and always motivate me to shift. They also have the greatest advice and stories as well!

Keep a healthy mindset about shifting. (This should've been the first tip). Anyways, your mindset is key. No beating yourself up about not shifting. No comparing your shifting experience to others. Definitely no telling yourself that you can't shift either!

That's genuinely what has helped me overcome many of my 'unmotivated to shift' phases. I'm really hoping that this helped some of you out- I know it helped me. Thanks for being here. As always, Happy Shifting!

xoxo, c.

[collieii]

i'm sure it's been said but i do love how trimax handles wolfwoods death. i've seen so many stories that have characters die and they just go away after. i'm really used to stories where the other characters aren't allowed to grieve, the story keeps going and it feels like the other characters aren't really affected or get over it really easily. but in trimax wolfwoods death is so important. we see other characters grieving him. vash protecting the orphanage, expanding his power when he really shouldn't, because it was wolfwood's home, even though wolfwood is already gone. he gets an actual burial. vash and livio eating their way through the grief, which is more comedic but still shows us how important he was to the two of them, sets up how in many ways they're fighting in his memory.

even after he's gone he's still present in the story in such a strong way. we can see how he's affected the other characters, even when they don't explicitly mention him it's obvious that they're thinking about him. what he did when he was alive, and his death itself, are so important to the story even after he's not there. not just in a really abstract "this is someone we lost" way (though there are a lot of times his death and sacrifice motivate vash and livio to fight harder!) he's present in the finale in a material way to livio, who uses his serums to help fight against elendira, which ofc also ties into the way wolfwoods choice to ally with vash and fight against knives gave livio strength to do the same. wolfwood showed him that there are things worth fighting for, things worth protecting. that your body is a weapon, but you can choose what to do with it, use it for something meaningful.

and the way vash kills legato in order to save livio? vash outright says that he did it to protect what wolfwood fought for, sacrificed his life for. it's tied to the ongoing arc between vash and wolfwood, their conflict over the necessity of killing others. wolfwood pushed vash into having an understanding of his views when he was alive, demonstrating the necessity of that violence. simultaneously, vash inspired wolfwood to follow his path, a kinder one. vash remembers what wolfwood said to him, and his death gives those words added poignancy. wolfwood well and truly sacrificed everything to protect what he loved and fight for what he believed in. how can vash let that go to waste? he sacrifices something just as meaningful to himself, and he pulls the trigger. it brings him closer to wolfwood in a way he never was before. he understands now, fundamentally, what motivates people, motivated wolfwood, to act as he did when he took lives. there are so many other ways wolfwood is present in the story after his death i can't talk about all of them but it makes me so crazy

[allureasdiary]

Currently ppl I've been using as muses & inspos:

• Rihanna

• Aaliyah

• Nicki Minaj

• Beyonce (in 2000s)

• Kendrick lamar

• Sharpay Evans

• Marilyn Monroe

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The main take away from all these ppl listed above is that they embody a certain self concept that I've felt called to embrace this year. Key themes such as standing up for myself, following my intuition & calling more, tapping into my dark feminine, enter my heiress/queen era, embracing leadership qualities, reflecting on my influence/how my character may impact others, not going back on my word aka standing on business, use negative energy as motivation.

Recently I had an encounter with an anon telling me something negative, I didn't give it much energy only a little however that alone made me feel something inside. A form of power when I did that. It felt good to stand up for myself and not just take the disrespect. Ive found myself feeling more positive when i did things i wanted to do rather than settle on what others wanted me to do. For example, me cleaning my room I share my room with my little sister which I despise honestly 🤦🏾‍♀️(currently manifesting new family btw), i had held off cleaning it because i felt as though since the mess is from her she should be the one tk clean it which only made me more irritated because i knew she wouldn't. Well i finally took things ibto my own hands and cleaned it all myself, I found myself not only feeling more vibrant but happier when I cleaned it the way I wanted it really reduced my stress. It's the same with my self care routine, when I did it the way I wanted a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It's only when I feel like my decision of how I may feel best is overshadowed and trampled over by outside opinions is when things tend to go south. I've felt the need more and more to break from boundaries and social norms and do my own thing without everyone else in my ear telling me what I should and shouldn't do.

🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

Rihanna:

○ When it comes to rihanna, recently I've found her rawness really drawing to me. Especially when she was younger. She isn't afraid to say what she wants. Recently she did a photosgoot and i was super drawn to it. She continues to embrace her rebel "bad gyal" image and I've found myself relating to it. As someone who has always been label the "good girl" the dark theme has been truly drawing to me. Even if it isn't just dark colors, but the regal sex appeal, the rawness, the unfiltered chaotic energy, it's very magnetic to me. She also falls in the vixen archetype, which is one of the archetypes I have from the feminine archetype quiz.

Aaliyah:

○Now...I'm gonna be 100% honest, Aaliyah definitely wasn't someone I'd think I'd relate to at all. I didn't know her 100% well celebrity wise since I grew up with ppl like nicki, Rihanna and beyonce. However after doing research on her here and there and taking notes on how she was as an artist and person I've found I've related to her more than anything this year. She carries a mystic air about her that in today's artists you can see many tried copying and replicating. She was quite literally the world's it girl and even now ppl still talk about how amazing and sweet she is. I love how she didn't tell everything but told alot about her. She respected her own privacy majority of the time. Also I connect alot with her aesthetic of having like a tomboy look but it still looks really feminine in a way. She was a trendsetter at its finest and was soft spoken as well which makes me like her even more.

Nicki Minaj:

○ Ms. Nicki minaj, nicki Lewinsky, nicki da harajuku barbie!! She has been my #1 inspiration and muse when it comes to a high self concept. Despite the things that's happen in her personal life and seeing how her career has transformed over the years one of the main takeaways I can see is that since day 1 she never stopped affirming that she in fact was the #1 queen and that there would never and will never be another one like her, after her, can't even replicate her. Even in her old songs she quite literally prophesied and solidified her position as the queen of rap for years to come. Regardless if you love her or hate her u quite literally can't deny it since no one in this world has done what she's done even the ones that's tried to, failed. She is the definition of having true passion in what she loves, having unwavering ambition and drive to keep going despite all odds going against her. She also had this motherly energy towards her fans that I appreciate especially in her early days. She's always loved the barbs and continues to show gratitude. Learning from that I could take away to always be humble but don't ever let anyone step all over u either. Also she's probably the best I've seen when it comes to self branding yourself. Literally the situation with ice spice is a perfect example with the wigs and flow she did. Nicki has curated her aesthetic and brand so well that literally even the littlest change on someone such as pink or bangs or ankle inched black bussdown hair is associated with her and her brand. Now nicki herself may not have created these things and yes there were ppl before her who have worn pink and long hair but none of them actually made it there BRAND their STAPLE PIECE it may have been a moment but it wasn't a LOOK and that's what nicki did. After learning from that currently I've felt to go in the direction of making my own "princess self concept", a smaller version of her "queen" like nature. (Since rn I don't feel like much of a queen at all and see myself as a baby queen, a princess. Its not time yet)

Beyonce:

As a fellow virgo she too has perfectionism and I myself am a perfectionist. I 100% respect her work ethic especially when it comes to her performances. She continues to wanna top herself and not settle no matter the heights. Another thing is her gold aesthetic that I've felt more and more drawn to. It just screams royalty, that's something I've felt more and more called towards as well. She literally turned herself into a star amd made sure she shined the brightest. I love older vids of her where she always wanted remain as honest as possible and u could even see on some of her facial expressions when she knew some stuff was bs or just wasn't up to par. For that I have to respect that and her heavy keen eye to detail. She tolerated zero room for disrespect and this could be seen in her bow down record and though she said no name all the hit dogs hollered.

Kendrick lamar:

○Now I'm ngl, after the drake and kendrick beef its made me have a ton for respect for him as an artist but it also made me do some digging back in his old music. After doing proper thorough listens, I noticed his humble character and down to earth nature. After the battle, I was really drawn to his straightforwardness. He didn't play any internet games and didn't sugar coat either. That leads me to my self concept. More and more I find myself feeling good when I just start telling ppl like it is, where my boundaries are, where I am with this and that person. Not only does it makes things less confusing for the both of us but it shows that there is just some things that I'm not ok with tolerating and I will say it as many times as needed until u realize that. I also took note of how in his music he tended to talk about actual issues especially within the black community. As someone who expresses myself through art, that is something we have in common. Using our forms of art to heal ourselves and those around us by connecting through our problems and fixing them. For example, his song father time was him talking about his daddy issues ans his wife telling him he needs therapy. Though the song was technically about the men, as a growing young woman with daddy issues I related to the song heavily. This is the same with his unreleased song prayer where he continually used examples of separating the art from the artists and how we as ppl shouldn't be idolizing the celebrity and then stop when we see them doing something bad, the main point is that they are no better than us regular folks and still do bad things and make mistakes also, however those mistakes shouldn't be a reason u should stop loving there art entirely because if that was the case then no celebrities should exist because they've all done something bad in there lives just like we have. For that, I can takeaways the power of not just being aware of others faults but our own as well. He even admitted himself he still has healing to do and that's something I can relate to. The value of not staying the same and growing into your highest self definitely adds to me working on a growth mindset rather than a egotistical narrow minded one.

Sharpay Evans:

○ I'm ngl when i was younger i hated her. I thought she was egotistical, arrogant and messy. Now that im older i can see that she wasnt 100% that way at all, she was confident in herself and knew who she was and was literally oblivious to anyone who didnt like it. She had her own signature to everything as well thats how u knew it was sharpay whether u saw cute kitten heels, glitter ink pens or fur. Even on graduation she stood out with her signature SE hat. And her fashion was always top tier and iconic regardless of how stressed out she was from gabriella she didnt allow herself to go a day without looking good.

(Honerable mentions to Regina George, Elle woods, Cher Horowitz. My fav blondie girl bosses)

Marilyn Monroe:

○ Last but certainly not least is Marilyn Monroe. I think I've connected to her on a deeper level not just because of her manifestation story but also because I have the best connection to her when it comes to the way I feel about beauty. Beauty and being in the spotlight is something I highly struggle with, simply because it's something I daydream about so much whether it's imagining me getting plastic surgery or just me waking up one day with my dream life. Knowing that even someone who's considered the most beautiful woman in the world felt insecure in herself as well made me feel almost more human with myself and how I look and act. I did research on her years ago and found old vids of how she would talk about how much she'd study herself from her mannerisms to the way her hands moves to how she sounds to her facial expressions and so much more to give off illusions of things, even in her iconic walk I think she trimmed one of her heels to give the illusion of her hips swaying. She literally studied and curated her entire persona until she became who she is known as today. Even then I saw a few later vids of her and how sad she seemed in the eyes. This not only taught me more on self branding but also the importance of self love as well. I have a feeling had she lived a bit longer she may would've grown deeper into that. However something I could take away was the importance of enhancing your qualities of yourself the best way you can and that's exactly what she did

■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■●■

Anyway that's all for now darlings I have so many things in store for the future and I can't wait to share them all with u guys!! Xoxo, Allurèa

[coinandcandle]

How to do Magic Without Motivation

The first half of this is an explanation and an anecdote, to skip straight to the advice, read under the "~~~~".

I'm reading a book called Feeling Great by Dr. David Burns* and in it, he asks the reader, "What do you think comes first, motivation or action?"

The logical answer is "motivation" right? But that's not it, often times even a simple action can help you get the motivation needed to get the job done. If you wait until you are motivated to do it, you may never get it done. So don't wait, just get started on it. Alternatively, do something. It doesn't even need to be related to what you need to do, just getting up and starting on something can help build your motivation.

For example, my partner is struggling with his mental health right now and often forgets to take care of his part of the house chores. I also struggle with mental health making it hard to get chores done, so I understand where he's coming from. Instead of getting mad or snapping at him, I started asking him to help me by taking 15 minutes to clean the apartment.

We talk about what tasks need to get done and go into it knowing that if the task doesn't get finished that's fine, once the 15 minutes is done we can either call it there or finish the task. But after that 15 minutes is up the obligation of the task is no longer a problem, because we've done what we set out to do. Even if we don't finish we still walk away from the unfinished chore with a sense of accomplishment and we can move on to doing other things.

So I've also started doing this for other areas of my life. I decide the tasks that need to get done and I set a timer; usually, I use the Pomodoro method but sometimes I just use a single timer.

I do this in witchcraft too. That's one of the things that inspired me to start weekly witchy questions and witchy assignments.

~~~~~

More than once I've gotten an ask that says the person has a hard time feeling motivated to actually do any witchcraft even though they do want to do it, it's hard to actually do it. So try this next time:

Decide what you want to do, be it divination, a spell, reading, researching, etc. then set aside an amount of time that feels reasonable. Typically 10, 15, or 20 minutes are a good place to start.

Don't bite off more than you can chew!

Get out of the mindset of "well other witches can do XYZ for hours at a time" or "I should be able to do XYZ easily for 45 minutes straight"!! It's better that you start out with a short amount of time for a simple task that way you don't overwhelm yourself. Besides, you shouldn't be basing what you do on what other witches do. Look to others for inspiration not competition!!!

Pick a simple activity and a short amount of time. Don't try to motivate yourself to get up and do it, just get up and get started. If you try to justify to yourself why you should be motivated or why this task needs to be done and so on, you'll only burn yourself out before you started.

*I've just started on this book but so far I'm elated. It's a self-help book for depression and anxiety and even has a "cliff notes" section at the beginning. The author writes in a casual way that doesn't feel stiff or like he's talking down to the reader--something I've struggled with in these types of books before. There's a reason it's so highly rated. If you're struggling with depression and/or anxiety, read the book with me and let me know what you think.

[itsdappleagain]

tagged by @emily-prentits THANK YOUU THIS LOOKS SO FUN

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

18!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

141,974 words...which is a little embarassing considering jo, who tagged me, has 59 works and only about 30,000 more words. evidently i like my longfics.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

carmen sandiego 2019! 17 of those and one (1) original work that i dont mention in this post at all

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the cardinal and the kitten - 325 kudos

say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime (let me lead you from your solitude) - 164 kudos (we call her the phantom au for short)

simple are the ways of love (simple as the touch of another's hands) - 156 kudos

Upon the Sword - 154 kudos

Everything is a Lie - 127 kudos

5. do you respond to comments?

Most of them yes!! I LOVE getting comments I screenshot and save every one I get.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hm- I guess it depends. Hellscape ends with Carmen's internal monologue just before she gets mind-wiped by VILE, but its technically no angstier than canon. they gave you life (and in return you gave them hell) is pretty angsty the whole way through and examines Carmen's trauma.

Those are both little one-shots, though- I usually end my reigns of terror within chapter fics pretty happily if I can manage it. The Phantom AU (linked above) ends in a dark place but leagues brighter than it seemed to be heading towards. It isn't a terribly neat and happy ending, and it tells a story of trauma and attempted suicide and the road to recovery from these. Let's go with that one.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

In Love Is A Locked Cell Door Chase Devineaux and Crackle happily start making out in a jail cell and live happily ever after!

Ok, being serious-

For a one-shot, simple (linked above) starts happy and ends happier.

For a chapter fic, Choice ends with Carmen, Julia, and Gray all living in a very happy polycule pardoned from the law with full emotional control of their lives which is fun :]

8. do you get hate on fics?

@emily-prentits used to leave passive aggressive comments on my wattpad and we would fight in the comments sections 💀now we're partners so make of that what you will. but anyway, no serious ones, no!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

No, not really! I have a few "fade-to-blacks" or skip-overs without any detail. The one time I tried writing smut it was really forced and hard for me to write...doesn't help that I've never felt sexual attraction in my life so I don't know about that. Curse you asexuality for taking papertiger handcuff sex away from the world.

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

No, I'm not a fan of crossovers

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had one or two...heavily referenced. Not in bad faith, but it was funny to see a lot of my plot and prose mannerisms reworded in a younger author's fic. I think they credited me as inspiration or gifted it to me both times so its not a big deal.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

If FRANTIC FANFIC! counts, which it shouldn't lol. Also the polycule is working on something :3

14. what's your all time favourite ship?

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have an au where paper star and black sheep escape VILE together and go through a sort of friends to lovers to enemies deal as carmen (renamed cardinal here due to never escaping in the boat the way she does in canon), though influenced by paper star at the start, eventually finds her inevitable path of good while paper star slips into a chaos that cardinal just can't stomach

ill paste a snippet here that i wrote but its a little bit long and complex and i dont have a ton of motivation for it

16. what are your writing strengths?

ABILITY TO MAKE READERS SUFFER

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

cohesive plot...lord help me i cannot plan a fic to the end before i post chapter 1 and it bites me in the ass all the time

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

if there's a small amount of it, i usually write it as-is in the other language and use external sources or context clues to explain it. if a lot of dialogue is in another language, I'll put it in brackets and write it in english!

19. first fandom you wrote for?

carmen sandiego. still going lmfao

20. favorite fic you've written?

that's really hard- i'm going to do top three in no particular order SORRY

Love, Carmen - this was the first or one of the first fics I ever wrote. it put me on the map a little bit (wattpad..) in terms of writing and boosted upon the sword and choice when they came along. it was really fun to just be young and writing after finishing all two released seasons of the show. i still like it a lot. its just cute and simple.

the phantom au - what a labor of love. i've had other fics (evil carlotta series, cough cough) that have been long and complex but those strayed into meandering and pointless and i lost a lot of motivation. phantom combined my love of theater with my favorite show and my hunger for angst angst angst. it was super fun to write and, at the risk of sounding vain, i pulled off a very hard to pull off trope at the end and i think i did it well. i think if you read any one of mine, this highlights a lot of my strengths.

the cardinal and the kitten - this is a popular one of mine that kind of serves as an updated love, carmen. i really enjoy how i wrote carmen and julia playing off of each other and my dialogue is very strong in this one.

okay, sorry about how long that was i treated it like a professional interview. i had a lot of fun writing this instead of working on a very important school project

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

{THIS IS A RANT} - Back at it again with the

ALL MY HOBIES HATE PETER B.

(Not a typo)

Another rant where I talk about hating Peter B on every level in which my soul manifests

[Stop talking about if your parenting is good so help me fucking god this has nothing to do with you and lives are at stake]

The reason I find Miguel easier to defend than Peter B is because Miguel actually has actions to speculation about in the story.

Peter spent that whole movie talking about his baby, standing completely stationary while witnessing child abuse twice (he didn't nothing when Gwen was sent home) and then go home and talk about how he's sad cause he's not a good mentor and might not be 'good at this'

Like sir who the hell cares what youre good at A teenage girl just became homeless and Miles is being hunted by hundreds of adults

Can you give us more than 'I'm bad at this mentor stuff 😭😭😭'

Put MayDay in the crib and go get Gwen.

Or at the very least tell MJ. Tell MJ that the kid that inspired you to have MayDay is in mortal danger. Tell MJ that the reason you think you're a bad mentor is because MILES JUST GOT HIS ASS BEAT

Why is his thought after ALL THAT about himself abd only HIMSELF? And how he might be a bad mentor

Like yes, you are now that we've realized that glaring fact can you like.... Do something

ALSO YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MILES IN OVER A YEAR WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THAT

'you don't know if he was going to go get gw-'

Exactly. Cause all he did was talk about himself.

'what if the society was supporting them financially-'

if you see your boss assault a child you should quit even if you make a million a month

'he ended up joining the team anyway'

Gwen, the teenager, the homeless teenager, shouldn't be the one coming to Peter's rescue right now it should be the other way around.

The only reason he joined at the end was because Hobie and Gwen made it super convenient for them.

Had Hobie not left Gwen the watch - and Gwen hadn't showed up -

We are given NO PROOF whatsoever that Peter would've joined them.

No verbal indication or anything.

We have no idea how long Peter would've stayed on Miguel's side had Gwen not approached him.

LITERALLY all Peter did this movie was show Miles baby pictures, tell him he has to let his dad die, accidentally get him caught because he's too stupid to turn off his TRACKING watch , watch Miles get his ass beat, then watch Gwen get her ass beat, then go home and talk about himself.

At least Miguel is having an emotional arc meanwhile Peter shows the emotional range of a bad day at the office despite the fact people he knows and cares about have been hurt in front of him by someone he knows and cares about.

And people still defend him.

HE DID NOTHING. THERE'S NOTHING TO DEFEND BUT HIS INACTION

I feel like so many people excuse his inaction and failure to 'he means well' - obviously not cause when you mean well you do well and he ain't do shit.

"What was he supposed to do?"

At the very least express concern of some sort about the two missing children in his life??

Put MayDay down and try to see if you can find Gwen?

At the very least mention the fact that his boss went apeshit - or Hell, talk about ANYTHING besides himself.

I don't know how people can see that and be like yeah he's cool. This is a competent man who cares about these kids

Like.... If you care and do nothing and make them do literally everything and help them none to the point you're actively leading danger to them because you can't think ahead all while clapping from the sidelines then who the fuck cares what you care about

You don't care enough to do something. So why would I care you're a bad mentor???????

At least Miguel is doing something and we can look deeper into his emotional arc and story and motive

Peter B gives literally nothing. Nothing. Contributes nothing to no one through the whole movie. Doesn't even do a cool Spidey move or anything. Jokes dry as hell -

FUCK I'm so salty why did the write him like a plank of wood why am I supposed to be okay with his WHY WHY WHY

WANT ME TO CLAP AND SHIT MEANWHILE I'M LOOKING AT HIM LIKE

What can he do that Noir, Pavitr, and Hobie can't? Like.... They can do everything he can???? With extra abilities,??? PENI HAS A MECH?? WHAT IS HE ADDING WHAT IS HE BRINGING WHAT IS HE SERVING

NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING

____________________________________________

Anyway if you made it this far he's a master list of all my posts where I talk about why a Peter is a horribly borderline irredeemable character.

Peter watching as Gwen is put in the machine, and says nothing besides a joke to defend her, before going home to talk about himself

Hobie doesn't like Peter so neither do I

Why I believe Peter purposely ratted Miles out - If Peter didn't know he was being tracked, why would she speak out loud and give herself away. She didn't. I believe Peter asked her to track them and she responded out loud not knowing Miles was right there.

Why even if he didn't rat Miles out, that's arguably worse - How do you forget the obvious tracker watch is obvious tracking you?

UHH SO YEAH FUCK PETER B ALL MY HOBIES HATE PETER B

[jung-koook]

that photo jeongguk posted left me so inspired and wanting to share something here about myself with you guys. in 2019 I was feeling very physically tired and a friend told me that by going to the gym I would feel more energetic, but I didn't care much about it. I said "I'm going to wait for a sign telling me to join a gym". and after that jeongguk started posting videos of him at the gym and my friends said that was the sign I was asking for. 😂 I joined the gym but didn't take it seriously and I felt uncomfortable there.

I was always thin but I never thought my body was beautiful. and I felt super uncomfortable with the size of my breasts. especially because of how it got men's attention. A few months before the pandemic I had scheduled surgery to reduce the size of my breasts, but for obvious reasons I didn't have this surgery. when everything went back to "normal" I was too lazy to go through the pre-surgery procedures all over again and left this plan for other time.

at the end of 2022, my therapist said she was pregnant and that she wouldn't be able to see me anymore because of that. I was lost. especially because it's hard to find a good therapist and one that I feel comfortable with. but in 2022 I was a person who was seeing beauty where I used to not even notice. I started to think that being thin wasn't something that suited me and wasn't something that I found beautiful about myself. I started to find fit bodies more beautiful. so as I was lost in 2023 then I decided switched to another gym and start taking this seriously. and after that everything changed in my life. even with depression and having ups and downs, I started to feel happier, I started to feel more comfortable with my body and I started to admire my body. my confidence has completely changed. I started wearing clothes that I want without wanting to hide my body. the size of my breasts also changed to something that was more proportional to my body. It's not something that bothers me anymore. my back is extremely hot now. I even admire myself in the gym mirror sometimes lmaooo😂

I still have a lot to change about myself, especially my relationship with food, but I have to say that no one motivated me about gym more than jeongguk, namjoon and the other members. especially jeongguk for being the one who talks about it the most. in my real life, literally everyone who wanted an opinion on this, even though I never asked for their opinion, said that my body was beautiful that I shouldn't go to the gym because I would look like a man LOL. but I really am someone who doesn't care about anyone's opinion on something as personal as my body. but having jeongguk and namjoon talking about the gym and stuff like that really made me more motivated to keep going to the gym. I look at their bodies and I'm so impressed not only by how hot they are but by their dedication.

I think it's so amazing, I don't know if it's because they're close to my age but bangtan always helps me with something about my life. it's incredible but often they say something that is literally like advice for some situation I'm going through in life,. other times it is something that motivates me, other times it comforts me. it's amazing how they help us without even knowing what we're going through, without even knowing us. when I say they are my best friends it's because of that. I really can't imagine what my life would be like without having bangtan by my side. in a different way that but in such an important and special way. they really impact my life in ways that I can't explain because if I try I'll burst into tears.

thank you bangtan for everything you guys did and do for me without even knowing me ♡🥹

[miru667]

How do you manage to stay in a fandom for so long? I'm always mario jumping from fandom to fandom every 3-6 months

Oh, so many reasons. I think I've answered this before but in a much more concise way so idk what happened here when I tried to answer again from scratch but uhhh I wrote a lot lol?? Long ramble time. 😂

I found this fandom at a point in my life when I really emotionally needed it, so I got really attached to it. I stayed because of the friends I've made in it and because of the OCs I got invested in, both mine and other people's, and every so often something invigorated my interest like a new roleplay I got to join or new concept art that got discovered.

I'm also just a really dedicated person (for better or worse) and I still have ideas that I want to get out there creatively. I don't get a lot of free time, and I rarely have energy for hobbies after work so my time passes slowly in the sense that I may still be in the middle of appreciating a thing, meanwhile everyone else has already sped through and processed it and moved on.

So I've gotta be really careful about choosing what to spend my limited time and energy on. It sometimes takes me a whole month to draw a piece of art that I'm proud of. It would be a huge waste of my time to spend so much energy on a fandom that after 3 months I think I might not care about anymore.

And like, if it's going to take me a month to draw 1 thing, what am I going to choose? Fanart of a character from a show that I just finished that I might possibly move on from in 3 months? Or art of my darling Audrey OC that I've been developing for years and whom I know will always bring me joy for the rest of my life? It's not a hard choice! Like I'm sure it's obvious by now but I really love my oc. It's gotten to the point that I look for her in every media I consume. I like characters because they remind me of her, and I like plots because they remind me of her. When I watch a movie and end up loving it, I'm not going to be drawing fanart for that movie, I'm more likely going to be drawing Audrey Grace in some way that's consciously or subconsciously inspired by that movie. I'm sure other people with beloved ocs can relate to that, too.

Back to media consumption: I'm constantly watching new things, shows, movies, letsplays, and I'm able to love them just fine, but I never participate in their fandoms (unless you count reblogging fanart as participation. I personally don't). I just don't feel motivated to and I feel like it's unnecessary. I shouldn't need to prove anything. You can appreciate media without engaging in fandom. In fact, I encourage it, because a lot of what I see in fandoms these days is just stressful, at least to me. And I don't want that stress. I'm much happier as a person when I don't have to read other people's opinions, discourse and drama over some show's themes or ships or whatever. I can just quietly revel in my own enjoyment of the show without being tainted by anything else, and my love for it is not any less valid than the person who's livetweeting their loud emotions while watching the same show and putting out fanart 1 hour after every episode. Bless them, though.

And I guess that's mostly what I do these days with the Onceler fandom, too. Appreciating it more quietly these days, I mean. It's just that...I have a fandom related oc so I draw her. And I have friends here so we do stuff together and we reference fandom inside jokes no matter what activity we're doing. If I encounter art that deeply moves me personally, I reblog it, just like I reblog art for other media on my sideblog. When anyone has a fandom history related question, I'm eager to answer because I don't want the past to be misrepresented or misunderstood. And also, since it's been over a decade, this fandom has long ago become my daily normal. I can do whatever I like but I can't really "leave" this fandom unless I delete all my social media and cut off all my online friends. And delete my memories of the past 12 years of my life as well. Just become a completely different person.

So I guess I can reverse the sentiment: I can't relate to people who hop fandoms every 3 to 6 months. 😭 All the power to you, but that's just not the way I happen to live my life, nor the way I engage with the media I consume! The Once-ler fandom was the one exception. It was special.

But who knows, anything can happen in the future. I'm not so proud that I'm purposely blocking myself from looking at other fandoms or anything. I just go with the flow! Right now I'm slowly making my way through jjba, an omori playthrough, a Plague Tale playthrough, and urusei yatsura season 2 (the new anime). Probably nothing will come out of any it except for a bunch of Audrey inspos, but again, who knows. XD I'm also going to an idkhow concert soon, and I've bought merch from their store already. Does that count as participating in a fandom? Maybe not. But now that I think of it, even if I "join" another fandom, it doesn't necessarily mean I'd leave the onceler fandom either, so maybe it wouldn't matter haha.

Thank you for the ask and thank you to anyone who's read my entire answer!

[winglesswriter]

Writerly Questionaire

I was tagged by @theink-stainedfolk and @willtheweaver.Thank you, guys, this looks like fun! ❤

About Me

When did you first start writing ?

When I was about 6yo. My mom wrote down my first story about a lonely squirrel :D

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

I write the same genres as I enjoy reading

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

Not emulate really, but I look up to K. J. Charles, Cat Sebastian, and Ginn Hale

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

I'm currently building a new writing nook in a new apartment :D I§m looking forward to having a nice space for my writing because I used to write in my bed which is less than ideal for my back.

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Inspiration usually isn't a problem. Give me some music or a picture and ideas will flow. It's much harder when it comes to finding time, energy, or motivation.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Not really.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Yes there are and yes they do :D I'm surprised how often my characters have to unlearn things and how many of them struggle with self-worth (even though that shouldn't be so surprising when I'm the one writing them)

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Right now I'm pretty obsessed with Deril Hendersen. Mostly because he's new and I'm developing him, but also because he's the villain that the hero falls for and I've never written anyone like him.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

Definitely with Jan Xiaoli because he's loveable and sees the best in people. Maybe with Ikath because I tend to befriend very girly girls and they seem to be attracted by my gender nonconformity.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Lothir because he's everything I hate. I'm afraid we would clash with Shi Saxe and Yarren because we have too much in common (we are all stubborn assholes).

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

Half of my MCs started with an image of a real person or were inspired by a different character. The other half I created as their love interests.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Yes, they are all assholes :D I also tend to pair a slutty one with a virgin.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc

I imagined them as real people (even though some of them start from real-life inspiration they eventually get their own unique appearance) but I also like to make artwork depicting them.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

Uh... to shut the voices in my head? Or give them a purpose at least. Also, I think there's still not enough stories where queer people go on adventures or save the world. Especially not adult ones.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I love all the comments. But it's especially great when readers pick up on something I thought they wouldn't

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

I don't really want people to perceive me, I just want them to enjoy my stories :D But if I must choose I'd say I want them to think of me as a queer person who understands and shares queer joy.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think my greatest strength is dialogue and making characters plausible. And I'm pretty good with pacing.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

Telling a lot in a few words, dialogues, strong characters (even the side characters), and interesting worldbuilding.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

I know it's not very common so I almost feel ashamed to say it, but I'm proud of my writing. I'm good and I work hard to be better.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yes. It would still be a great way to escape reality and entertain myself.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it's a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I write purely what I enjoy and hope that someone else will like it too :D

Wow, that was pretty hard but now I'm interested in other people's answers so I'm tagging a lot of you! Please feel free to ignore it.

@pcm-vandermeer, @wolgerrswraith, @vinniehorrible, @sunset-a-story, @words-after-midnight

@oh-no-another-idea,  @lychhiker-writes, @wanderingcas, @tylerjflynn, @sergeantnarwhalwrites,

@buffythevampirelover, @ramwritblr, @druidx, @coffin-hopping, @author-a-holmes

[kiawren]

Hi Wren!! ^_^ What do you and Kiawe usually talk about when you two hang out?

Hai Amaya :]]

A variety of things actually. I've never actually planned out a scenario with the exact dialogue we have, it's sort of just vibes...I can honestly talk to him about anything.

We talk about each other, our family and how much we care for our siblings (Wren's family is in their home region). We talk about our pokemon and how we found them and their personalities.

What I love so much about kiawren is we talk about our ambitions. Wren wants to be a conservationist and Kiawe wants to be a traditional dancer professionally. They talk about how their interest got sparked, why they keep chasing this dream becuz it means a lot to them.

Wren wants to nurture the bridge between social cultures and nature in order to conserve it. Kiawe wants to deepen his understanding about culture and the natural world through the art of traditional dance. Their interests are a Venn diagram. We can feel each other's passion when we talk about them. Especially Kiawe, it's very personal to him becuz it's *his* native culture and it's just a lot for me to learn about.

Although in my s/i world I've already started tangibly fulfilling that dream (conservation programme in alola)... In real life I haven't....it's only been lots of talk and hoping I get into the uni course I like, but no time and motivation to go out there and do something amidst my school routine.

For Kiawe, it's also the hoping and the wondering if it's out of reach to make it big. He does practice dance in his own time, but he isn't doing it professionally yet (although, lots of alolan recognise and praise his dancing so! He shouldn't worry so much). Becuz he wants to study dance abroad, and I hc it's to study traditional dance not just from alola, and polynesian, but also austronesia and the wider world. He wants to go to some cultural school he wants to learn it all!!! And our passion is the same!!!

And if he was talking to irl me who's at the point where I'm unsure about my future too, we'd have a lot to talk about and reassure the other. Although irl me's problem is more like finding the gratification in studying, and Kiawe's is more worrisome becuz it's financial. Though I hc Mallow's restaurant hired him after he got laid off from the supermarket. But applying to a uni abroad is difficult and he'd worry if he'd get accepted (but dude you're literally a trial captain of course you will) so yeah, maybe he doesn't need to worry so much and he's sure to reach his dreams, it's just a matter of time. And he would inspire me to work for mine too.

But ultimately I'm a random person and with him I feel like I can speak my mind.

Oh yeah I almost forgot! We also talk about being trans guys. Wren is not on the full end of the transmasc spectrum but Kiawe is, and they can relate to each other. Kiawe has more to talk about in regards to his journey and of course I want to hear it. I'll care for him and help him with anything at all...