#but also she holds onto that grief and pain in a way that's at once totally different from how james does and yet also very similar

[celuere]

Not enough.

pairing: Arlecchino x fem!reader

context: after being apart for several weeks, you finally get to share a bed with your husband again

cw: fingering, making out, sesbian lex, marking, Arlecchino being desperate for her wife, Arle has a dick because I said so!!!, mentions of pregnancy, FLUFF, not proofread!

You could lowkey think of this as a continuation of Sweet Dreams, but that’s up to you! Also this work had me going through the all five stages of grief at once during 5am in the morning because tumblr decided to fuck with my brain.

NSFW utc, MDNI

„Arle- Mh-!“, not being allowed to take a quick gasp of fresh air as your husbands lips already found their way back onto yours. Hands wrapping around your body, pressing you closely against her chest as her tongue dived right back into your mouth. She just couldn’t get enough. Not enough of your addicting scent. Not enough of the immense heat radiating off of your body. Not enough of those sweet sounds of yours being swallowed right up by Arlecchino‘s own mouth as her crotch pressed right against the sensitive spot between your legs.

She missed you. Yearned for you. Yearned for you like you were her oxygen. Her only reason to wander this world. The only reason her curse hasn’t gotten the better of her yet.

You were only allowed to suck some badly needed air back into your lungs when she moved down your neck. Licking over the skin before deciding where to leave her mark. Then another one. And another one. All the while her hands got a hold of your ass as her nails dug into the muscle through the fabric of your sleeping pants, a sharp moan slipping past your lips, your slip surely being soaked from front to back by now.

She let go of your now in love bites covered neck, towering back over your already panting figure, „What do you want tonight, ma Cherie…?“, bringing her hand up to your face to gently put some of the messy strands of your hair behind your ear. Goodness, you looked absolutely divine with those flushed cheeks, swollen lips and the need shimmering in your eyes right back at hers… She wanted to devour you whole. Your soul. Your scent. Your wetness. Your touch. Just everything.

„I… I-I want all of you tonight… Every inch, every single curve, every-”, you were interrupted in your answer as Arlecchino silenced you via pulling you into yet another sloppy kiss. Not even bothering to swallow her own saliva, causing it to run down at the corners of your mouth as she felt your hands practically tearing open the buttons of her shirt. She didn’t as much as chuckle into the kiss, that is until you broke off the intimate connection only to show her pretty tits some affection, too.

„Dearest, you really don’t have-”

„I just said I wanted all of you tonight, didn’t I?“, your hands now cupping her chest in your palm, thumbs rubbing over her nipple as you studied her struggling expression.

„Then have all of me.“, that’s all you needed to wrap your lips around the soft bud, tongue circling around it as you kneaded the unattended boob with your free hand, slowly feeling it stiffen inside your mouth and you decided to gently bite down.

An almost guttural moan escaped your husbands throat at your sudden course of action, her raging boner almost painful beneath the tight fabric of her boxers, surely already leaking with precum.

„Celestia above… Come here…“, her hand grabbing underneath your chin to force you back up to face her before she drank in the feeling of your soft lips against hers once again. She just couldn’t help it for the love of whatever higher being sat in the castle looming over Teyvat. You owned her. Her thoughts. Her words. Her breath. Everything about Arlecchino was yours. She was as devoted to you as someone might be to an Archon.

On the other hand, you let her do as she pleased. No matter what. She wanted you to kiss her? Done. To ride that dick of hers? Done. Dress up in lingerie with a sweet collar grazing your neck? Consider it fucking done. If she asked you to jump, your first question would be „How high?“.

So you didn’t protest when her hand slipped right underneath your pants, directly into your panties. Her fingers playfully slipping through your soaked folds, careful not to hurt you with the three unclipped nails on that particular hand. A whine left your mouth as you wanted more than just her fingers.

„Goodness me… I barely touched you and you are already drenching my hand… How sweet.“, teasingly now applying pressure to your already clenching entrance, she rubbed her fingertips over your slit. Up. And down. And up. And down. It drove you close to insanity before you finally grabbed onto her biceps like a beggar with tears staining the corner of your eyes.

„A-Arle stop- stop doing this to me…- stop teasing me like this, just give me your-”, your moan echoed through the walls of your bedroom as your husband shoved her two fingers inside of your wetness with not much more than a blink of her eyes.

„Good girls have to earn their keep… or have you already forgotten, my love?“, her digits immediately found that gummy spot inside your cunt before she decided to uncurl her fingers.

Only to curl them back up with a speed you didn’t saw coming. A shiver ripped through your entire body as you arched your back into her, legs spreading wider so she could have better access to you.

„So loud… just from me using my fingers… ma ange… you are so beautiful when you‘re taking my fingers like this… such a good girl, aren’t you…? You know what good girls get, hm?“, another harsh hit to your sweet spot, your fingers digging into the hair on the back of her head as you squirmed and whimpered underneath her bare touch, „They get whatever they ask for… You want to bounce on my cock…? Want me to feast on that pussy of yours, until you can’t even remember your own name…? Just say the word… it’s not like the ring on my finger isn’t already a testimony of your ownership over me…“.

Your mind was already fuzzy from the repeating motion of Arle‘s fingers skillfully ravaging you from the inside. Whatever you want, she says? You wanted a lot of things. One of them included carrying out her child, but that’s not a conversation you were ready to have with her yet. But her filling you up with her dick sounded like the best thing ever to you right now.

At one point, when you got close to your orgasm, you tried to muffle your moans by pressing your hand onto your mouth. Only for husband to quickly catch you in your act and intertwine your fingers with her cursed one, bringing it up to her lips so she could press a kiss onto the back of your hand.

„Don’t hide your pretty voice from me, my sweet. I want to hear you sing for me, my dove.“, and with a last curl of her fingers you finally melted underneath her. Grip tightening in her hair. Eyes fluttering shut. Walls tightly clenching around your spouses fingers. It just felt so fucking good. Having her back after so many lonely nights.

Carefully retreating her fingers from your cunt, a soft smile tugging on her lips before she brought up her dirtied fingers, making sure you watched as she took them into her mouth for a cleanup. You‘re pretty sure you were sure that the blush already spread to you ears by now.

This fucking woman.

„Mh… I gotta say… You taste as good as ever, my dear…“, taking now your chin between her thumb and index thumb to make to turn your face back to look her in the eyes, „Don’t you want to claim your wish, my love? Whatever you want… my body is yours.“, you practically had no choice, she wanted you to use her for your own pleasure. Like she was nothing more than a mere toy to get off to.

„Arle just fuck me, for gods sake…“, your voice came out more than a breathy whisper, probably because your recent high was just that intense.

Crimson X‘s stared silently down at you for a few moments before you felt her hand letting go of your chin, followed be the rustle of fabric coming from underneath you.

You gasped as you were suddenly striped of your silk pants as your husband didn’t even bother to take off your soaked slip along with it, merely shoving it aside to expose your wet folds to the chilly bedroom air. You wanted to close your legs out of pure reflex but you were quickly stopped by two strong pushing them back open grabbing onto your thighs.

„Now, now… it’s not polite to deny me entrance after you‘ve given me a ticket, right?“, pushing your legs now to your chest, Arlecchino pressed her coated tip right against your hole, drawing a tortured moan right from your mouth. (A/N: my Tumblr crashed and deleted everything up to this point I’m crying.)

Usually she‘d tease you now, making you beg her to fulfill whatever needs you had at the moment. But tonight she couldn’t muster up the patience for that. „Relax, my love… I’m entering now… I dont want to keep my pretty girl waiting any longer for me…“, and with that Arlecchino carefully pushed herself inch by inch inside.

„Oh fuck…“, you tightly grabbed into the pillow you head was resting on as you practically swallowed her whole, immediately adjusting to her size. You waited a few more moments as Arle‘s thumb gently caressed your thighs which she werd still pressed against your chest before you gave her a nod, signaling her she can start moving now.

Normally she‘d go at a fast, rough pace which had your eyes rolling into the back of your head as her name rolled of your tongue like a prayer to the gods.

But not tonight. Tonight she was gentle, soft and loving. Bending forward and caging your legs between yours and her chest, her hands loosening up your grip on the pillow so she could intertwine your fingers with each other as she stared down at you. Full of love, affection and thousand other things.

„You are so utterly beautiful, darling… I… never want to take my eyes off of you ever again…“, a gentle roll of her hips against yours, tip grazing your g-spot in the process which had you moan out right into her face. She merely chuckled lowly.

Your mind being cloudy from pleasure and the adrenaline pumping through your veins and even the… butterfly stirring up in your stomach with each of her thrusts, you could only lift your head up to meet her lips.

That kiss wasn’t like the others from earlier. It was warm. Engulfing. So full of love and passion it made you question the meaning of this life of yours all over again. Did you marry her only out of love? Or because you wanted to grow old with her, carry out her children, care for until death does you part, only to start looking for her in the afterlife again?

It was probably all of it. You wanted to experience everything with this woman. Good times. Bad times. You didn’t care because everything that involved your husband was beautiful in your eyes and you didn’t want to miss the tiniest bit of it.

So just shared a each others saliva for the next moments, whispering sweet nothings against each others lips as you both grew closer with each movement, each shared kiss, each shared oxygen.

„I love you, Peruere… I-I love you so much, I-”, hearing your actual name felt like a direct kiss to her soul as she spilled herself inside of you with a such a loud and beautiful ripping through the tension of your bedroom, it was pushing you off your own edge yourself as you tightly squeezed her hand while you slowly and gently rode out both of your highs. Sharing needy kisses and soft laughs with each other as you did so.

And maybe. Just maybe did you conceive a tiny, little life on that very night. A testimony of how deep your love really went for each other.

[endangeredrandomfanfics]

"A Mother's Defiance"

Masterlist

Summary: Agatha x Rio x Reader Where in the scenario Nicholas never happened but the reader did and Agatha beg Rio not to take them, based on the episode 9 of Agatha All Along -Chapter I

A/n: I'm weak for Agatha and Rio being mother's

===============================

The forest was silent and heavy with mist, as if nature itself had drawn a veil over this secluded place. Agatha stumbled through the dense thicket, her hand pressed firmly to her belly, her breaths shallow and rapid. She could feel it—the heartbeat within her growing faint, slipping further from her grasp with every painful step.

“Please… stay with me…” she whispered, her voice barely a murmur against the rustling of leaves and the cold whisper of the night air.

Ahead, the shadows seemed to twist and shift, growing thicker and darker. A familiar presence manifested from the haze—a tall, cloaked figure who moved with an ethereal grace, as quiet and inevitable as the night itself. Agatha’s breath hitched. She knew who stood before her without needing to look up.

Rio. Her love, her partner, her solace… and the very embodiment of death itself.

The two women locked eyes, and for a fleeting moment, all the memories they had shared seemed to pass between them—years of devotion, secrets and laughter stolen in dark corners, and promises whispered under starlit skies. But tonight, there was no warmth in the gaze Rio held; her face was calm, but her eyes carried a sorrow too deep to fathom.

Agatha sank to her knees, her fingers trembling as they clutched her abdomen. “No…” she whispered, her voice cracking. “No, not them.”

Rio stepped forward, her hand reaching out as though to steady Agatha, but then she hesitated, her fingers hovering in the cold night air. “Agatha, my love,” she said, her voice gentle yet unyielding, as steady as the ticking of a clock. “You know why I’m here. You knew this day would come.”

A sob escaped Agatha’s lips, and she doubled over, cradling her belly as though she could shield the fragile life within her. “Please,” she gasped, looking up at Rio with eyes full of tears and desperation. “They haven’t even had a chance… our child, our hope… they haven’t even seen the world yet.” Her voice trembled. “Don’t take them away from me. Not yet. Please, my love, not now.”

Rio’s expression softened, and she knelt down beside Agatha, her face a mask of quiet anguish. She reached out, her hand cupping Agatha’s cheek with a tenderness that betrayed the sorrow in her heart. “You don’t know how much it pains me to do this,” she murmured, her voice laced with grief. “If there were another way, I would take it. But the balance must be kept, and I am bound to my duty, even if it means…” Her voice broke, and she turned her gaze away, struggling to keep her composure. “Even if it means taking this from you.”

Agatha’s face crumpled as she grasped Rio’s hand, pressing it desperately to her face as if she could hold onto her love’s touch forever. “Then break the rules,” she whispered fiercely. “Just this once, my love. You’re Death, yes, but you’re also mine. I’ve risked everything for us. I would give my life, my soul, anything… just to keep our child safe. Please…”

Rio closed her eyes, a single tear tracing down her cheek. Agatha could see the conflict tearing her apart, the war between duty and love waging a fierce battle in her eyes. “To defy the laws of life and death…” Rio whispered, her voice as fragile as glass. “It could unravel everything. It could destroy us both.”

Agatha shook her head, her grip tightening as she looked at Rio with all the fierceness of a mother’s love. “Then let it,” she replied, her voice fierce and unwavering. “If it’s a choice between losing you or losing them, then let it be me who’s lost. Just don’t take them, my love. I beg you.”

Rio’s composure wavered, her face contorted with pain. She glanced away, her voice so soft it was almost swallowed by the night. “You know that I cannot deny you… not when you look at me like that. Not when you call me by that name.”

Agatha felt a flicker of hope, and she leaned forward, pressing her forehead against Rio’s. “Please, my love,” she whispered, her voice filled with raw, aching desperation. “Save them. For me. Just this once.”

Rio’s shoulders slumped, the weight of her choice pressing down on her like the weight of the entire world. She reached up, cupping Agatha’s face in her hands, her thumb brushing away a tear. “If I grant this mercy… it will be borrowed, not forgiven. The debt will come due, and one day, I will have to return.” Her voice was barely a whisper. “When that time comes, nothing will stay my hand.”

Agatha’s tears streamed down her face, but she nodded, her voice breaking as she promised, “Then we’ll cherish every moment until that day. I’ll guard our child… with everything I have. Just give them a chance, my love. Please.”

With a deep, shuddering breath, Rio closed her eyes and began to murmur ancient words, a language older than the stars. The forest seemed to tremble, the shadows rippling as if in protest. Agatha felt a surge of warmth spread through her, and the faint heartbeat within her grew stronger, vibrant, a light against the darkness.

A gasp of relief escaped Agatha’s lips, and she sank into Rio’s arms, her sobs turning to laughter as she held her love close, clinging to the miracle that had been granted. “Thank you,” she whispered, her voice breaking as she buried her face in Rio’s shoulder. “Thank you, my love.”

Rio held her, her own tears falling silently as she pressed a kiss to Agatha’s forehead, a promise and a farewell all in one. “This life is borrowed, Agatha,” she murmured, her voice heavy with sorrow. “One day, I will come to collect the debt, and no power will hold me back.”

Agatha pulled back, looking into Rio’s eyes with fierce determination. “Then I’ll protect them. I’ll protect us… no matter the cost.”

Rio’s fingers lingered on Agatha’s face, a final touch as the shadows began to pull her away, her form beginning to dissolve into the mist. “Until we meet again, my love,” she whispered, her voice carrying a promise of eternity. “Remember… I am yours, in life and in death.”

As Rio’s form faded into the night, Agatha clutched her belly, feeling the steady heartbeat within—a heartbeat saved by a love stronger than fate, bound by a debt that would one day come due.

The forest, now quiet, seemed to close around her as Agatha remained kneeling in the wet earth, her body trembling as she tried to catch her breath. The moment of peace didn’t last long.

Suddenly, an ache seized her body, sharp and overwhelming. She gasped, clutching her stomach, her eyes wide with fear. Her body, which had been so still just moments ago, seemed to come alive with the force of the contractions. The pain was unbearable, worse than anything she had felt before. It was as though her body was splitting in two.

“No… no, not now…” she whispered, her voice hoarse as she stumbled to her feet. The night air felt suffocating as her legs gave way beneath her. She dropped to the ground, pressing her hands against the earth, the sharp pain cutting through her like a blade.

The forest held its breath as Agatha cried out, her body betraying her with every agonizing wave. She could feel it now, the child within her, pressing against her, trying to force its way into the world. Their child. Her child.

Her tears mixed with the rain that had begun to fall, the forest around her alive with the sounds of her struggle. She gritted her teeth, her nails digging into the earth, willing herself to hold on, to keep fighting for the life within her. “You can’t… you can’t go… not yet,” she gasped, her voice broken.

With every scream, with every tear, the child within her fought to be born.

And then, with one final, overwhelming push, the pain shattered, and the cries of a newborn filled the air.

Agatha collapsed back onto the ground, her arms trembling as she pulled the tiny, fragile life into her arms. She held them close, feeling the warmth of their tiny body against her chest, their heartbeat a steady rhythm in the quiet night. She breathed in their scent, her heart swelling with a fierce love.

“You’re here…” she whispered, her voice trembling. “You’re finally here, my love.”

The baby nestled against her, their cries fading into soft whimpers as they settled in Agatha’s embrace. She rocked them gently, her tears of joy mingling with the rain. For a moment, everything felt still. The world seemed to pause, and she held her child—her and Rio’s child—close, savoring the sweetness of this moment that had almost been taken from her.

And though the night was dark and the forest whispered all around her, Agatha felt a profound sense of peace. “I will protect you… with everything I am, my love. No matter the cost.”

________________________________________

A/n: Shall I turn this into a series?👀 Following the events of WandaVision and Agatha All Along???

[eternalsams]

Let Me Go ➛ Arthur Morgan

pairing: arthur morgan x fem!reader

warning/content: bit of fluff, angst, rdr2 spoilers, high honor arthur, mention of death, tuberculosis, horses death (it's a fair warning), little bit of blood

summary: there is only one thing Arthur wants, get you somewhere safe, no matter what it costs.

word count: 2.1k

a/n: english isn't my first language, please take that into consideration. This is also my first time writing for Arthur, please be indulgent!

red dead redemption masterlist main masterlist

Arthur didn't think he'd let himself fall in love a second time. The first time it happened, his heart had been broken as he was on one knee, proposing to Mary. He swore he'd never let any other woman sneak her way into his heart ever again, he would've done anything not to feel that tightening feeling in his chest if he ever got rejected once again. But Eliza happened, they met in a bar in the West. She was a cute waitress, he was still young and handsome. And he almost felt like he could fall in love with her when she gave him a son, he was ready to. He wanted to forget his own promise and be a real family with her and little Isaac. But it all ended way too soon when he stood in front of those two graves next to the cabin they thought they'd be safe in.

Years passed by and he couldn't look at any woman anymore, his heart broken, stained by grief and sorrow. And after the Blackwater disaster, he didn't even had the thought of seeking comfort in a woman's arms. So when Charles came back to camp with your curled up figure in his arms, he didn't pay much attention. Strauss was harassing him to collect some debts for the gang and meeting a new unfortunate soul brought back by Charles was not in his plans. But one night you came up to him and tried having a conversation with him. You spent hours talking with him, captivated by his low voice telling you all kind of stories about people he met, animals he'd seen.

And from the moment he started falling for you, he just couldn't stop. You were just so easy to be around, to talk to. He loved spending his late nights chatting with you close to the camp fire, telling you his exploits and you telling him the funny stories that happened at camp while he was away. The first night you spent together was the best one of Arthur's life if you'd ask him, simply holding you in his arms for hours, feeling your heart beating close to his.

But right now, the feeling of your heart beating close to him was everything but comforting. One of your arm were tight around his waist, trying not to squeeze the air out of his sick lungs. John was right ahead, his horse galloping through the trees to escape Dutch's madness and the Pinkertons. You tried your best to hold onto Arthur's rifle in your hand, sometimes letting him go to aim the barrel at the agents surprising you on your way as your lover rode his horse like his life depended on it. Except yours did too. His breathing was starting to grow heavy and loud, feeling like he had to spit the blood out of his lungs.

"Pinkertons on the left, they'll keep the others busy!" You heard John shout and looked to your left. You could hear Micah's voice behind you, insulting you and calling you traitors. "This way!" John indicated but before Arthur could do anything, you were both ejected from your horse, tumbling on the ground. Arthur was quick to make sure you were okay before taking his rifle from your hands and shooting the Pinkertons up the hill. You crawled your way to his horse and soothed him, murmuring sweet things to him as you watched him suffer in pain, blood spurting from his wounds. When all the agents were killed, Arthur came running back to you and gently caressed the horse's neck. "Come on, guys. Let's go." John called after you. You looked up at Arthur and could see fresh tears in his eyes as he watched his horse live his last minutes. "Gimme a second." Arthur asked and leaned over his horse, whispering a thank you to him.

You stood onto your feet with John's help and Arthur grabbed his hat before turning to the two of you. "What about the money? Abigail gave me the key." He asked before looking into your eyes. He once told you he'd get you a part of the Blackwater money and you'd get a ranch somewhere in the west, somewhere nice where the two of you would grow old and die happy. But now that he was sick and dying, you didn't really know if you could even get that ranch with him. "The money's not important, Arthur. Let's just get out of here and find some place safe to hide for a while." You tried to convince him, seeing the hesitation in his eyes. He wanted to give you that money, to you and John. He didn't need it but you did. John's family did. "If you want the money, you head down. I gotta go to my family." John said in turn, holding you upright in his arms.

Arthur looked at you and nodded before putting his hat on his head. "I'm coming with you. I'm gonna get you out of this bullshit if it's the last goddamn thing I do." He said to John before taking your hand in his and helping you walking up the hill. The three of you started running up the cliff as you started to hear new gunshots behind you. "Come on, sweetheart, up we go!" Arthur made you run in front of him, making sure you weren't forgotten behind. You quickly ran up John who also helped you not to fall but often looked over you shoulder to check if Arthur was still following. When you realized he was being too slow, you ran down to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him up. "Don't you worry about me, darling. Just keep running, I'm right behind you." He tried to push you off him. "I'm not leaving you alone, Arthur."

When you reached a high point on the cliff, Arthur pushed you down behind a rock before giving you his two pistols. Two customized Cattleman revolvers. On each handle were a buck and a doe carved. Arthur had them engraved after your first night together, saying you'd always be with him, and him with you. "Remember what I taught you?" Arthur asked you as you looked down at the pistols. "Both eyes open and hold your breath when pulling the trigger." You repeated what he always told you when you trained shooting with him. He smiled at you before taking his rifle from around his shoulder and firing at the Pinkertons with John. You sighed and checked if the guns were loaded before aiming at the Pinkertons, the three of you eliminating them one by one.

"We need to get outta here. Let's go!" John called as he started walking back. You shot another agent and joined John as Arthur tumbled on his knees, his breathing heavier by the minute. You took his hand in yours after you put the pistols back into Arthur's holsters. "Come on, Arthur. Stay with us." You hurried him as you pulled him with you. "You two go..." He breathed out, gently pushing your hand away. "No, Arthur. You're coming with us." You immediately said, refusing to even think about leaving without him. "Keep pushing, Arthur." John encouraged him. "No." He said before coughing more blood. You were about to pull a tissu from your satchel but he wiped his mouth with his hand. "I think I've pushed all I can. You two go." He straightened up and looked at you. "Go with John, sweetheart. Don't make this harder than it is."

"No. You're coming with us, Arthur Morgan. Don't even think I won't drag your heavy body with us." You walked up to him, frustration clear in your voice. That made Arthur chuckle then cough. He softly grabbed your face in his hands and looked into your eyes, lit by the moonlight. "I know you would, darling. That's why I need you to go with John and don't look back." He told you before sending a heavy look to his friend behind you. "No..." Your voice broke and you grabbed his wrists to pull his hands away from your face. "We ain't all gonna make it. And you know it." He tried to reason with you but you refused to listen to him. John came up behind you and grabbed your arm to pull you with him. You snatched your arm from his grip and ran up to Arthur, taking him into your arms. "Please come with us. Don't leave me alone." You cried, your tears rolling down your face and soaking his shirt collar. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head. He pulled back and took his pistols out of his belt, handing them to you. "Keep them with you." You reached for them and looked at the carved doe on the first one. Arthur's finger brushing over the worn wooden handle. He then gave you the second one, where the beautiful buck was standing proud, forever engraved into the wood.

"It would mean a lot to me." He closed your hands around his guns before kissing your forehead. He then took off his hat and walked up to John, holding himself onto the younger man's shoulder. He placed his hat on John's head and smiled at him. "Keep her safe for me." He said in a low voice, but not low enough for you to miss it. "No!" You screamed and was about to reach for Arthur but John's arms wrapped around you, pulling you with him as you fought to join your lover. Arthur looked away, not able to watch your tears, and grabbed his rifle, loading it with the shells he kept in his bandolier. "I'll hold them off. Run and don't look back until you find somewhere safe to stay." He ordered, ignoring your cries. "Come on, lady." John tried to pull you with him but you fought with everything you got. "Please. There ain't no more time for talk." Arthur said, looking at you one last time, his eyes shining with tears.

Your knees gave away and if John wasn't holding you so tight, you would've fallen on your knees, scraping them on the rocks. Arthur simply looked at you, trying to memorize how your face looks like, even all red and puffy from crying, you were still the most beautiful woman he's ever laid his eyes on. "Arthur, please..." You pleaded, thinking this was just a bad dream, that your Arthur would never give up and leave you alone. "Go with John, darling." He said, not having the strength to hear your cries more longer. "Arthur!" You called after him. "Just go with him!" He shouted back at you before pausing. You tried not to take it personally and looked at him. "Promise me you'll come back to me." You murmured into the quiet night. The gunshots would eventually come back but right now, all you heard was the wild life. "I love you, darling. Now go." He only said. "Promise me, Arthur!" You tried to run to him but John started walking back, pulling you with him. "Go!" Arthur shouted at you as he noticed more Pinkertons running your way. John saw them too and pulled you harder as you cried in his arms to go to Arthur. "Come on, we gotta go."

"No! We can't leave him! John, please!" You cried out as he made you walk away from the love of your life. Eventually, you heard him shout at the Pinkertons and the gunshots started all over again. When John thought you wouldn't try and run to Arthur no more, he let go of you and only took your hand to run away with you. It was like your body was acting on its own, your brain not following the recent events. You lost the only thing close to a family, lost the sweetest creature you've ever met. You still remember when Arthur first helped you ride his stallion by yourself, you were so scared to do it on your own, the horse was enormous next to you. But he turned out to be the sweetest thing in the world, answering to your calls and keeping you safe when Arthur wasn't there for you. And now you just lost Arthur. Arthur.

It wasn't fair.

The moment John saw a man riding towards the two of you on his horse, he pulled his scarf over his face and took out his gun. "Sir, we need your horse. Right now." He pointed his gun at the man and helped you get onto the horse when the man got scared and tumbled down the saddle. John quickly mounted the horse and had you wrap your arms around him to secure you. He kicked the animal's rear and started riding away. "You okay back there?" He eventually asked you but all you could do was stare at the cliff where you left the man you loved. When you turned to John, you could see the sun rising on the horizon and hoped Arthur could watch it one last time.

taglist:

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@terriblefaun @lotvsflwr @nekoreddragon @elijahsfirstrodeo09 @eateraa @floydsglasses @peppermint-saddies @themorbidbones @y0ur-fr1endly-queer

[icaruspendragon]

im sorry to ask but i dont know what else to do—how did you do it how did you dig yourself out because it feels like i am choking on dirt and people keep shoveling it onto me and i miss her so much and i dont know how to make this feeling stop. she was my best friend. ive never lived in a world without her before. how did you do it. how are you doing it

grief is so hard and so heavy when we first meet it. it feels like all our arms will ever hold for the rest of forever. and it is, in a sense. once we pick it up, we never really set it down. not fully.

and I don't think it gets lighter, I think we somehow, impossibly, get stronger.

there's lots of metaphors for grief. that's one of them. another one I like to use is that it feels like you're in the grave with them. like lazarus. like yourself. waiting for someone to raise you from the dead. to raise you both.

I've learned a lot about crawling out of the grave. more than I would have ever wanted to learn. like how emptiness is actually quite heavy. or how to pretend like you feel half-alive. but I think the most important thing I've learned is that somedays, we inexplicably end up back in it. and that sucks.

because we just spent months clawing our way through the bugs and the earth. because our soldier-hands have finally breached the surface. because the sun is finally caressing our hell-fresh faces. because for the first time in months we feel like we can finally breath. and then, suddenly, we're right back in the terrible thick of it.

those days make it feel like I'm sisyphus and grave dirt is my rock. or like I'm prometheus and the darkness is my eagle.

but then it's tuesday.

which is to say my brother died on my 25th birthday, a monday. and that day is now a memory that's fuzzy around the edges. single snapshots I know are connected, but I couldn't tell you how. I remember my mother standing in my bedroom and tears and family and phone calls and cleaning my living room because I didn't know what to do with my hands. I remember going to my grandmothers and my phone vibrating off the table and leaving to go get coffee because I couldn't sit still. I remember joking, trying to joke. trying to do whatever I could to make sense of that impossible day. I remember checking my phone and reading and rereading the messages, a mixed bag of congratulations for surviving another year and condolences that my brother didn't, I remember not knowing how to respond to any of them. so I didn't. I remember being surrounded by so many people doing nothing but extending love and kindness to me and never feeling more alone. the world was ending and I was alone. I thought that day would go on forever.

but it didn't.

it ended, as all things do. monday was over and my first day as an only child was done.

and suddenly it was tuesday. and everything was different but also exactly the same.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead. I was so heavy when I woke up that first tuesday. so heavy and confused. I thought the world had ended. it surely felt like it had. but it hadn't. because the world couldn't have ended on monday.

not if it was tuesday.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead but the world wasn't ending. monday should have been our demise, but it wasn't. and it hasn't. and it won't. because just as sure as we have mondays, we'll always have tuesdays.

that's something I've taken a strange comfort in, knowing that we'll always have tuesdays.

the feeling never stops. but I think that's okay. because you're only feeling that way because there was love first. and as much as what I felt on that first tuesday hurts, as much as it suffocates, as much as it consumes, I'd take the hurt and the suffocation and the consumption because the love I felt first will always, always be worth it.

tuesdays will always be worth it.

like yeah, if I loved less, it wouldn't hurt this bad. but I don't want to live in a world where I have to love less. where I was loved less.

I'll take the pain. I'll take the grave days. I'll take the rock. I'll take the eagle. I'll take apocalyptic, earthshaking mondays. I'll take every last wretched bit because goddamn what a miracle it is to love so bad it hurts this big.

I hold that love, his love for me and my love for him, a love that's now become our love in the cage of my ribs while I'm in the cage of the grave. and I dig.

it's monday and I dig.

I dig.

and then tuesday comes.

[epicthemusical]

Familiar Longing

@fuckingdeadinsidetm for the inspiration so thank you!

Eurylochus takes a deep breath before heading over to his Captain's hunched form. He has to confess about opening the wind bag or else the guilt will strangle him. He looks down in shame as he starts to talk.

"Captain, I have something I have to tell you. I won't be able to rest until I do. Captain I-" 

As he is about to confess he looks up and stands there speechless. The rising sun hits the brown curls and gods when did his Captain's hair get so long? He is reminded of the times after he and Ctimene spent mornings on the beach as she ran through waves and sand laughing freely with a grin. She always ended up with her curls tangled up while covered in salt and sand. Every time he made sure to gently clean and untangle her hair as they relaxed together. The color is a bit off and it's still shorter than hers but it's still so familiar. He is broken out of his memories and longing by Odysseus' voice.

"Whatever you have to say can wait some more I'm sure. Go scout the island, we can't take any more dangers sneaking up on us."

"Yes Captain."

Eurylochus walks away shame and guilt feels like it's choking him but he does as he was ordered and gathered men before heading off to scout the island.

—----------------------------------------------------

Eurylochus stares down at the still form of his friend, his brother, his captain. He feels sick at the blood pooling on the deck adding to the sickening metallic smell from the 6 who had died. Thinking of that again has some part of him shrinking in on itself as the betrayal and guilt lay heavy in his chest.

“Captain?” He had felt so relieved that Odysseus had trusted him enough to still have him carry out his orders even after he finally admitted to opening the wind bag Eurylochus light up six torches. He had trusted him but he obviously chose wrong.

“Sir.” All he has ever known is being the second in command. He follows orders and keeps everyone safe. How was he supposed to lead, to be a captain? He doesn't have Odysseus to catch him if he falls anymore. What is he supposed to do now?

“Eurylochus!” He finally snaps out of it and looks up at the remaining crew to think they had started out with 600 men

“What should we do with the capt- with Odysseus?” He glances again at the unconscious Odysseus. It would be reasonable to kill him now after all they did just mutiny. Who knows what will happen once he wakes up but…he can't bring himself to let him die. Not only is he Eurylochus’ brother-in-law but he is also Ctimene’s brother. The thought of having to watch his beloved wife's face fall in despair when he has to tell her Eurylochus is the one who killed her brother…no he can't let Odysseus die.

“We need to wrap his wounds and tie him up. Make sure to tie him well. We all know how tricky he can be.” Many of the crew grumble a bit but do as they are told although they made no effort to be gentle. Eurylochus' hands tighten their hold on himself trying his best to ignore the pained moans from Odysseus as he is tied securely to the mast, his wound taken care of.

He hands out orders firmly despite the growing unease and uncertainty he feels. He can't let his weakness show now that he is Captain or else they will lose trust in him. Now matter how exhausted or how much he wants to break he cannot falter. He glances once again at Odysseus tied to the mast before making his way to his room. He knows that the captain's quarters technically belong to him now but it just feels wrong. That has always been Odysseus' room and he can't bring himself to change that because that would make it official. That would mean he has to fully accept what he had just done and he isn't ready for that he doesn't think he ever will be.

Eurylochus all but collapses onto his bed and stares at the ceiling almost feeling numb. He glances down at the blood still on him and the sudden grief overwhelms him as he starts crying. Once the tears start he cant stop as he lays curled up his body shaking from his sobs as he lets out all his pain. Polites would be so disappointed in them both. He told Odysseus that if he wanted all the power then he must carry all the blame but he can't bring himself to believe those words. How could he after he was the one questioning Odysseus time after time. His own doubt made him open the wind bag leading to so many dying. He has just as much blood on his hands as Odysseus, maybe even more.

He slowly calms down leaving only a hollow ache in his chest as he drifts off to sleep praying for a dreamless rest.

The next day he sits down by the mast watching over Odysseus. He still isn't awake just yet but he knows how quickly things could change with him. Eurylochus takes some time to really look at his friend for the first time in a while. Ever since Circe's island where he noticed how Odysseus' hair had grown longer and achingly familiar to Ctimene’s curly hair he has tried his best to not look too hard. He takes in the bags under his eyes and how skinny he had become. What draws his attention the most however is once again his hair. His hair had grown long and tangled but it is so painfully familiar even with the slight color difference it reminds him so much of his wife. He aches to thread his fingers through the knots gently untangle it like he often did with Ctimene at the end of the day. They used to talk and laugh about anything and everything while he helped calm her unruly hair that never seemed to obey. As he comes back from the memory the hollow feeling grows and he feels so very tired.

-----

They arrive at the next island and Odysseus is tied to a nearby statue as they find plenty of large healthy cows roaming nearby. Eurylochus notices Odysseus is starting to stir and he can't help but miss Odysseus, the Odysseus he had known and trusted with his life and the lives of the crew. When is the last time either of them have smiled or laughed? Perhaps it was before Polites had died which isn't surprising. Polites had always been the best of them, always so kind and positive. He was the glue that kept everyone together so when he died of course everything started falling apart. Odysseus groans as he wakes up at last.

"Uhg my head...where are we?"

"The first island we found. It has this statue of the sun god and we found all these cows to eat."

"Don't tell me you're about to do what I think you'll do!" 

It hurts hearing his friend plead with those familiar words. He feels so heavy and he just wants to lay down and never move again but he can't not when he needs to take care of the crew.

"I'm hungry, my friend."

His stomach grumbles at the thought of finally eating and he knows the crew feels the same hunger eating them from the inside.

"And I'm tired.."

He is just so very tired. Tired of fighting, of thinking and hoping that somehow they will end up home again. He sees Odysseus start to struggle against the ropes.

"Please we can still make it home! We just need to keep going!"

How many times has he heard that? We are almost home, this is our final fight, our journey is almost done it has become a hollow statement at this point. Hope has long since been crushed. 

"Ody we are never going to make it home."

Why should he make himself and the crew suffer even more when they have meat to eat right here when they won't make it home anyway? A crew mate leads a cow to Eurylochus and he raises his sword.

"I'm just a man."

Odysseus manages to cut the ropes on a nearby rock and once free springs into action trying to stop Eurylochus.

"EURYLOCHUS NO!"

He is too late as the sword slices through flesh and golden blood stains the sword. He stares in shock at the gold. Why is it gold? A storm forms and lighting rumbles ominously.

"You doomed us...you doomed us all Eurylochus!"

Eurylochus looks up at Odysseus noting the terror hidden in his eyes and the red bleeding through the bandages. He has rarely ever seen Odysseus terrified like this and if his brother feels so now...what has he done?

"..Captain?"

He orders the crew to grab an oar and row for their lives. The anger and fear in his voice jolt everyone into action as they default to following orders as they had for over a decade. Eurylochus looks concerned at the still growing red spot as Odysseus turns and meets his eyes.

"Those cows are immortal, they are the sun god's friends. And now that we've pissed him off WHO DO YOU THINK HE'LL SEND?!"

Eurylochus pales as he realizes just how badly he has messed up. How could he have been so stupid?! No he knows why, he had given up on getting home and his hunger, always the damn hunger that screws them over. He should have learned from the cyclops cave. How could he have given up on seeing Ctimene again? More lightning crackles through the sky lighting up a form in the clouds.

"We're too late..."

Zeus descends from the thunder clouds as lightning continues to shatter the sky and cause ears to ring. He sees Odysseus stand as tall as he can considering the still slowly bleeding wound with determined eyes. That's always been his go to attitude when it comes to gods, he tries to appear confident and firm. Eurylochus can only hope his brother will find a way out as he usually does.

But will he? He has shown he is willing to sacrifice you if it means getting home.

Eurylochus can feel the exhaustion and hopelessness creep in again as Odysseus is finally given a choice, him or the crew. It's obvious that there it wasn't going to be a choice, not for Odysseus.

He doesn't really mind dying at this point but he regrets that the crew had to be included as well. That and no matter what Odysseus chooses, Ctimene will be heartbroken. He can't be sure that he won't give up again so it's best Odysseus is the one who lives because if anybody can manage to make it home it would be him. At least that way he can be sure his wife will have someone to comfort her.

".. Captain?"

He still finds himself protesting even with his heart not in it. He has to try if only for the crew around him.

"I have to see her again..."

"But we'll die."

What is it he told Odysseus? Ah yes If you want all the power you must carry all the blame. If the crew dies it won't be Odysseus' fault only his. He is the one that decided to slaughter the cow and doom them all. He sees Odysseus turn around to face him with teary eyes full of guilt and exhaustion, just like Eurylochus.

"I know."

Eurylochus breaks more at how broken Odysseus sounds. He is obviously grieving the choice he had to make. Eurylochus takes a deep breath and stands still accepting his death without a fight even as the others draw swords and rush Odysseus. 

Electricity hums in the air before lightning strikes and pain crackles through his body. As he starts to sink the pain dulls, his nerves having been fried beyond use. He closes his eyes and lets the darkness take him.

I'm sorry Ctimene...

[messyhairedhazeleyeddude]

Detriment | Jujutsu Kaisen

A Yuji Itadori / Sukuna x Fem!Reader | ANGST + SMUT

Contents ; Angst, violence, sadism, slight non-con, gore details, voyeurism, and humiliation.

Dynamic ; Soft Dom!Itadori | Hard Dom!Sukuna | Sub!Fem!Reader

P.O.V ; Third

Pronouns used ; She/Her

Age Range ; 18+ | College Years

(Wow! What a great way to start this off, huh? Don’t be nervous. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Grab some snacks if you want and curl up into whatever blanket you got. Listen to some music too, here’s something I recommend as always.)

━ ━°⌜ 始まり ⌟°━ ━ | Translation : The Beginning |

Sorcerors barely have time for love. That was agreed upon everyone who lived in the profession. No one among Jujutsu High could go for a relationship grander than a simple fling or a couple of flirtatious exchanges with someone outside the school.

If they did marry eventually, the couple wouldn’t go without a very rocky path ahead of them. Either one would die in battle and the other would follow suit in depression or it would turn for the worse in causing the pair to resent each other. Barely anything in between.

Succession only came with retiring from sorcery which rarely happened. It was too dangerous to leave the life behind. And for Yuji Itadori, he was trapped there until his life ended. So, with all of that that in mind, why was she on a date?

He was staring at the girl he had a crush on for almost the entire semester leaning her head on the shoulder of Toge Inumaki, sleeping soundly as he patted her. Grief writhed itself in his expression and a couple of tears began to brim the corners of his eyes.

The defeated boy turned around from the sight and laid his forehead on both of his arms, trying to wipe away his heartbreak. While both of his peers, Nobara and Megumi tried their best to rush over to him to spout nonsensical comfort. He was just running away from them not too long ago. The two were acting weird and awkward, hushing things to each other.

When he found out that it was about (Y/N) from the small whisper of her name, he bugged them over and over to let him in on the gossip. Eventually, he gave up and went to find out for himself. He wished he never heard a single murmur now.

Before Itadori knew it, he was full blown sobbing against the brick staircase. He knew he shouldn’t feel this terrible about something that was destined to never happen in the first place. Although, that didn’t change anything on what he felt. Even as both of his classmates watched him have the breakdown. Nothing stopped the rage from coming to him.

Hyperventilating, Yuji stood back onto both feet, mumbling to himself while his reality was shifting into different colors. Something was wrong. He noticed what he was feeling instantly. But, that couldn’t be right. Sukuna had no reason to come out. Why would he waste his time on this?

The loss of control on his emotions gave him a huge disadvantage when trying to hold back the king of curses. It felt like his limbs were being crushed as he fought him. Worst thing about it wasn’t the pain though, it was the fact he could hear him.

“You’re really going to let a man that can’t even speak get her like that, huh?” Sukuna bellowed out in his head, “How pathetic!” So that was it. He was here to taunt him.

If Itadori could, he would beat into his skull all of the anger that was running through his veins currently. But, he was no match for him. He understood that as soon as his body felt numb and all he could do was watch him take over. Once again.

A smirk appeared over the huge frown that was there a second ago, markings appearing and disappearing to signify who was truly present. Both Megumi and Nobara jumped back with their bodies positioned in a fighting stance, bringing out their closest weapons to point them at Sukuna.

They both had a terrified look to their eyes, focused on keeping a safe distance, and guarded for anything that he tried. Although, they also knew that it wouldn’t do to stop him and they’d probably die any minute.

Sweat dripped down from Megumi’s forehead as he shouted at the evil curse, “Sukuna! Return Itadori or else!” He summoned his demon dogs who immediately went to lowering themselves and approaching him slowly. A part of him was worried it was the end already, but he could tell that Sukuna still didn’t have his full potential. He was weak.

Nobara wanted to add in her own demands too, “We aren’t afraid to pummel ourselves into the ground with you until you do.” Even though it was shaky, she held up three nails in each of her fingers, auras of cursed energy embedded in every single one. Her eyes gave off a bit of a crazier look while she grinned back at him.

It was right there that the demon himself clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth several times at them, “Tch, tch, tch…” The red flared in his orbs while his sharp teeth brimmed his bottom lip, letting them soak in his frightening presence.

As much as he wanted to kill them, Itadori was fighting hard on the inside, and he didn’t have enough time before Satoru would show up. That meeting had to wait. So, he decided he would ‘clear the air’ and that was through forcefully grabbing Nobara by the neck; lifting her up while disabling her nails and hammer by using his ability, ‘Dismantle’.

He dug his fingernails into her neck, causing her to grab at his wrist, struggling to breath. Megumi unleashed the demon dogs, the shikigami’s rushing to his legs and opening their jaws to bite. But they didn’t get to latch their teeth in as they were cut into a million pieces in an instant.

Closing his eyes, Sukuna took in a deep inhale and sighed out in satisfaction, “I can smell her. That raw power. No wonder this kid is drawn.” His smirk widened and he cracked his neck, throwing Nobara to the side, and causing her to slide on the concrete before hitting her back on a stone wall.

Megumi yelled out her name, rushing over to her side while Sukuna began walking towards the direction of (Y/N), his hands shoving themselves into his pockets. He continued, “I’m here to give him a hand… And take something that was meant to be mine.” The excitement in his voice never wavered. It increased.

All at once, Megumi threw the rest of his shikigami’s toward him, but none were able to get past his attacks. Every time, they were slashed into tiny pieces and a puddle of blood and guts. The black-haired boy fell to his knees next to Nobara, picking her up in his arms and checking to see if she was okay.

Nothing else stopped him from approaching the girl anymore. Instead, he got to her. Inumaki tried to say something before he could reach them, but it was too late because by the time he opened his mouth, Sukuna opened his domain.

“Domain Expansion. Malevolent Shrine.”

Everything was shrouded in black. Then the piles of bones surrounded him, leaving him on top of the throne of the fossils left behind from his victims, sitting like he was a king. He was, in terms.

(Y/N) stared up at Sukuna with terror in her expression, stumbling backwards until she fell onto her knees. “No… No… What’s going on?” she looked down at her palms shaking, her eyebrows knitted together as she tried to level herself.

That didn’t work. She was left freaking out. Who wouldn’t be? This was guaranteed death. She was facing her end. And it was all because she was too weak. There was no way she would come out of this. She was facing the top of the food chain in regards to power. But, why?

“You have something of mine,” as if answering her question, he declared that out loud. His fingers pressing into the side of his forehead as he observed her with amusement. The robes he was wearing shifted when he began to stand, scaling down the mountain using all the skulls as stairs.

(Y/N) knew what he was talking about once he said it, putting her right hand over her left to cover the finger she kept. They had stitched it onto her body a long time ago. It was cruel attempt at keeping it safe. But, it worked. Until now.

He chuckled, “You can’t seriously be wanting to keep that thing on you forever, (Y/N)?” Using the last bits of bones to dismount off of the pile onto the ground. He was leveled with her. Sukuna was in front of her.

She heard of him millions of times, especially since she was the keeper of one of his fingers, but she always liked to think of it as some stupid horror story. Forgetting how real it was made this ten times harder for her to swallow. It was worse when she became friends with Itadori considering how sweet he was. The growing crush on him was beyond terrifying. Exactly for this reason. Wait, what was the reason for him being here?

He knelt down, gripping her chin with two fingers, his sharp nails poking underneath her jaw while tilting her head to make her look him in the eyes. Glaring down at her with that same crooked smile, he muttered out a question, “You like having my power, hm?”

The panicking girl didn’t know how to answer. She didn’t have one, really. It was a yes, possibly. But, at the same time, she knew who it came from. And seeing him here didn’t convince her to want it anymore. He couldn’t have it though. No way in hell was she going to hand it over.

Sukuna seemed to pick up on this because he started to gradually laugh louder and louder, his eyes widening along with the the second pair on his cheeks. (Y/N) watched him, paralyzed out of fear, and shook when he cackled out, “You know what?! I’m feeling in a generous mood today! Itadori, you watching this?”

It looked like he was shouting at no one. But, she knew that the original boy that she was friends with was witnessing everything and that made her sick to her stomach. Sick at what this monster could do to him.

Then without hesitation, as if he got his answer, her hand was raised into the air and she wasn’t able to pull it away. Sukuna bit off the entire tip of the finger that was already connected to her nerves, making her scream at the top of her lungs, and writhe in agony.

He swallowed the chunk and slammed a palm onto her head, pushing her down into the concrete of his domain as it felt like knives sliced across her thighs and arms. “What were you doing with Inumaki?” his voiced lowered while asking.

That was confusing more than anything to hear. Why would he ask that? Why was he concerned about that? So many questions flew through her head but she had to respond, his impatience was obviously short from how hard he was gripping her. She choked on her sentence, managing to piece it together, “He was teaching me how to control cursed energy better. I passed out from trying too hard…”

A hum vibrated out of his throat, his hand no longer crushing her head in while he laughed manically for another moment. “Ohoho, that’s gotta be the best thing I’ve heard all my years alive! And to think, the kid was so worried about you, he was breaking his own soul!”

Whatever Sukuna was talking about, it was hard for her to understand. Hell, she couldn’t make sense of it even after he had that fit with himself. Instead, she was left to deal with the confusion as the cursed man moved forward with what else he had planned.

Each piece of her clothing was cut off of her, shredded onto the floor, and leaving (Y/N) naked. She couldn’t even feel it happening. It was the cold that made her get what he was doing.

But, there was nothing for her to attempt. She would die if she refused. And what he said, it was right. He was feeling in a good mood if this is what he was deciding to do to her. She’s heard of the torture he’s committed, the massacres, what he was doing was simply nothing compared to the rest. And Itadori. If he was witnessing her being raped and it was by his body, it would be horrible for him after it’s over.

(Y/N) had to save Yuji. So, as Sukuna dug his nails into her hips and stripped his robes off, she let out one last request, “Can it please be Itadori first if you’re going to do this? Please…” He stopped what he was doing automatically.

The King of Curses ended up thinking about it despite the brutal urge he had to destroy them mentally, hearing the shocked voice of the trapped boy wondering what she just suggested.

He had to admit. It was amusing to see the guy in such a state. Snickering, he obliged and said his last words before letting him take back control, “For now, I will. This comes with a price. I hope you know that, (Y/N)”

Itadori gasped when he slipped back into his own body, looking down at her and coming face-to-face with his naked crush’s back. A huge blush swept across his cheeks and he stuttered in surprise and panic, “He let me? H-He hurt… He killed Megumi’s shikigami’s… He.. did this to you.. I did this. I let him. I wasn’t-“

Before he could spiral further, she reached up to him and turned to face toward his chest, pressing her lips on his. He needed to stop thinking if he was going to succeed. She couldn’t afford much more time with him, they were on a limit.

Her legs wrapped around his waist and she parted from him to encourage, “Do it. Just fuck me, Itadori. Don’t think about anything. I want you to be the one, not him.” That was enough for him to listen.

Positioning himself awkwardly, he pressed against her folds to prepare her and himself. There was so much to worry about and so much for him to do. But, here he was, having sex with the one girl he’d been fantasizing about for weeks. Yeah, it was great having her like this. What about Inumaki? Everyone? What could he do?

Itadori finally got to pushing himself inside, his pupils wide, and his jaw hanging open as he panted out a couple of noises. It was the best feeling he’s ever had. Warm and fit perfectly around him. Just like he thought it would. But better.

He criticized himself in his thoughts, ‘You shouldn’t be enjoying this.’ He tried to put himself down over and over. But, it was ignored by a thrust. And then another. And another. Until he was at a pace that made both of them stuck in the act. Her hands wrapped around his neck, matching her legs as she gave up.

Her body felt like it was going limp, loosely hanging on as her (E/C) eyes were looking up at him in a daze. The aggression in him instinctively increased and before he processed what he was doing, he was pouring every emotion he had into ramming her. She stuttered out moans from the impact each time, her nails finding themselves latching into his back, and clawing down slowly; blood trailing right behind.

There was twinges of pain because of how careless he was becoming and that rage seemed to only be getting worse. She summed it up to him venting out what he could considering they were both in an impossible situation. But, when he leaned forward to the crook of her neck, she heard the rasp of the voice she was dreading to hear, “Time’s up.”

Once they switched, (Y/N) noticed the difference immediately between the two of them. His hand shot to her neck and he dragged his black nails against it, teasing her by softly squeezing at first. Even though that squeeze was still tight enough to make her choke.

Sukuna used his teeth to rip into her shoulder, biting deep into her skin until blood was rushing down the crevices of her chest. She let out a piercing scream that started to crack underneath the pressure of his palm.

He was ruthless. There was no time to adjust to the strength he exerted, only time to cry. She couldn’t see what he was doing to her, but she felt it. And it was so intense that her legs went numb. The sounds of his hips colliding with hers was a loud and sharp slap. Red marks were left on the inner corners of her thighs and exactly where he was aiming all of his force.

When he pulled away from attacking her left side, half of it was covered in a sea of red, all from the amount of times he had sunk his canines in. Pleasure tried to ease the ache for you, it never succeeded because of his cruel treatment.

Any time she moaned, another slice from his technique would cut at her body. And despite her losing so much blood, she was still awake. Hanging on by a thread. That thread being Itadori. She could see a mix of displeasure, sadness, anger, satisfaction, and pure insanity all within the red eyes that took place over his honey brown ones. She really missed that color.

Her eyes were starting to close no matter what after a couple of minutes trying to fight the response to his abuse. But, before they shut, a sound of multiple footsteps stumbling in the domain made her snap her head toward them.

Inumaki, Nobara, and Megumi were looking back at her in devastation. Her pupils shrunk, eyes went wide, and she shrieked out to them, “NO! GET OUT-“

Not even a second thought to it, (Y/N) released her technique, ‘Barrier’, and both Nobara and Inumaki were protected from Sukuna. Except for Megumi. She didn’t have enough in her. He instantly got slashed across the chest, staining his navy black uniform with red, and causing him to fall back.

Megumi Fushiguro was the first put in critical condition.

The skewered girl cried as she was picked up by her hair off of the ground and slammed onto a manifested desk of what resembled flesh. She was stuck staring at her two classmates, exposed and defiled.

Nobara shouted at the top of her lungs, “You sick evil bastard! Let go of her or I’ll shove nails into-” She couldn’t finish before she was incapacitated by his technique. The worst cut being the one on her arm, almost severing it in half and leaving her to grab at it to make sure it didn’t.

Nobara Kugisaki was the second.

(Y/N) tried to plead at Sukuna, hoping that anything she said would convince him to stop, “YOU CAN HAVE ME! NOT THEM! DON’T KILL THEM! PLEASE!”

His narrow sadistic eyes flickered from Inumaki to her back, swiping a tongue across his lips as he chuckled darkly, “What? You want me to save your little boyfriend?” By the sound of that, it was like he was jealous. But, what she was hearing wasn’t correct. She had no relationship with Inumaki and how was he jealous?

Using that, she corrected him, deciding that sparing time with conversation was the route to go, “I have no feelings for Toge… Why are you suggesting it?” Grunts spilled in the middle of her sentence but she was heard.

And he answered with a bloodthirsty grin, “Word got around. Being cuddled up next to someone in broad daylight isn’t friendly, is it?” It was hard to respond with him continuing to fuck her, especially when it was directly in front of Inumaki and Nobara. The shame she was experiencing was like no other and she could no longer look up at their faces.

So, she ended up sobbing by the time she could let it out, “That wasn’t! Anything! I just fell asleep! I JUST FELL ASLEEP!” Her cries grew louder and more desperate, the cursed speech user feeling the exact same way as he ran for them. He couldn’t just watch her die like this. He couldn’t.

Pulling down the neck cover he had, (Y/N) shook her head at the sight of Toge and panicked. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t shut her eyes and watched the white-haired boy shout out a command, “ESCAPE!”

Instantly, she was lifted from Sukuna’s grasp into the air by an invisible force, looking down in surprise at Megumi and Nobara following with. She wished she hadn’t though as she witnessed Inumaki sputtering out blood and collapsing to the ground, limp. That terrible grin never left his face as he glanced up at them being sent out of his domain, winking at (Y/N) like he was telling her, ‘See you later.’

Toge Inumaki was the last.

When everyone made it outside and onto the grass, all of the Jujutsu Sorceror’s were working on getting Sukuna under control again. Gojo being the one to relocate the students to aid while forcing his way into the domain that vanished seconds later.

She won’t ever forget the look on Itadori’s face, covered in her blood, and the disgust in his eyes the moment he locked them with hers. His hands were resting on his lap in front of him and thankfully, his clothes were back to the way they should be. But, it was like the spark in his soul faded. She understood that what Sukuna had planned, worked. From then on, they both were never going to forget what happened.

Yuji Itadori will cease all contact with (Y/N) (L/N).

[randxmthxughts]

Chosen by Eywa - The Betrayal - Chapter 2

← chapter 1 | chapter 3 →

summary: eywa makes no mistakes... in the midst of his preparation to become the future olo'eyktan, neteyam is told to be with a chosen mate. guided by the signs of eywa, tsahik picks y/n, a woman orphaned by the war, whose heart already belongs to another

contains: arranged marriage, mentions of war and grief, angst, one-sided enemies to lovers

wc: 4.4k

a/n: so i've always imagined neteyam to be in a full prince mode for this series and yesterday my dearest @cinetrix had turned my dreams into a reality, it's now canon in this au that neteyam has a long hair and looks like this, and this, and this, and yes, this will probably distract you from everything else in your life! also this is still a little slow but i promise you from the next chapter things will finally start to get spicy

chosen by eywa masterlist | general avatar masterlist

Y/N’s tears had dried up already, she had simply run out of them, now left with only short whimpers and shallow breaths. In Kaye’s tight embrace she didn’t feel protected anymore, on the contrary, she was helpless, small. There was no choice that she could make. She could never even hint at it, let alone ask Kaye to claim her as a mate and upend Tsahik’s plans. The arrangement with Neteyam, to be set in stone, could only be disrupted with Kaye’s help but Y/N wasn’t going to blatantly say that to him. Surely, he must have understood, yet Kaye didn’t say a word...

Kaye had always been generous with his promises to her, but he was never held responsible for keeping them. And now, after finding out the situation, he didn’t even offer a promise. And Y/N could sense that things shifted. He was already distant, though he was holding her close and calming her down, his voice wasn’t like a soothing balm to her wounds anymore and his touch had lacked the usual warmth. She wondered if he felt betrayed by her for not refusing Mo’at’s offer and fighting back. But she didn’t know that there was something else going on in his head, a secret he was going to reveal to her that night. And as Kaye saw what state she was in, he decided to hold his tongue.

“It’s going to be alright, Y/N,” he whispered once more, cradling her head, “You will see.”

“How can it ever be alright if we are not together?” Y/N sniffled.

“I just… I think we must trust in Eywa’s signs,” he replied with a resigned sigh.

What she didn’t know was that there was a burden just as heavy on Kaye’s shoulders. It’s been days since he argued with his parents over an arrangement of his own, and earlier, just before meeting up with Y/N, it was confirmed. Kaye knew it was foolish to bring up Y/N's name and try to make a case for her when his family was already vehemently opposed to her. They saw her as weak, with no family to rely on, with nothing to give in return. But the woman they picked for Kaye was more and everything that Y/N lacked. Kaye would lie if he said he didn’t consider it, even though he didn’t really have a choice.

Yäyä was beautiful, innocent, shielded from the war by the warmth of her family. Her heart knew no grief, no pain, she was so opposite to Y/N. Yäyä couldn't relate to Y/N, to the way her traumas constantly wore her down, and along with her, Kaye too. And Kaye could feel his heart sting with guilt at the comparison he drew in his mind between the two women. It would be so easy to start anew, to not go against his family and fight his whole life when he could just melt into the arms of the other.

Y/N’s body convulsed with whimpers making him wince in pain. Kaye fought the urge of telling her the truth now, letting it all out, but the thought of having to see her reaction made his stomach turn. Maybe it would be better if he held onto the news and waited for the arrangement between Y/N and Neteyam to be announced first before he could move on with his life. Yes, Y/N had been his first love, first kiss, the first person who saw him, but she was also his first heartbreak, his first wound, a bundle of all of his worries and exhaustion. And things as such can pass, it was about time they grew up. Grew apart.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N," he murmured, cupping her tear-streaked face in his hands. "But I have to go now. My father needs to speak with me about… some urgent matters."

"When can we meet again?” she looked up at him with puffy eyes, and his heart twisted at the sight, “I...I don't know what to do. I can't do this alone, Kaye."

“You don't have to do it alone,” he forced a smile, “We can talk tomorrow. I'll see you then."

Y/N nodded; her eyes filled with hope at his words. And Kaye couldn’t hold himself back from leaning in and brushing a soft kiss on her nose. His heart raced at the sight of her blushing, as if he had been kissing her for the first time, and the way she held her breath for a moment before exhaling shakily. He felt like he was bidding his farewell, closing a chapter before it would get too messy with the announcements. His thumb moved swiftly, wiping the dried tears off her cheeks, and then he pressed another kiss to her forehead. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“I don’t get it,” Kiri’s nose scrunched up in confusion, “What do you mean grandmother has chosen Y/N?”

“I mean exactly that, Kiri,” Neteyam sighed, a little irritated with his sister’s slowness, “And she won’t budge.”

“But isn’t Y/N with Kaye?” Kiri questioned further, repeating the same questions that were bothering Neteyam too. Unfortunately, he had no answers for her.

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, “She didn’t even mention him… or anyone. I mean, if they were together, wouldn’t she just say it? I thought it was strange too.”

Kiri frowned, her mind racing with thoughts. She had been witnessing the relationships blooming between Y/N and Kaye for years now. Though they had tried to keep it hidden, it was hard to miss the small gifts, lingering touches, longing eyes. And given how often Y/N and Kiri were around each other out of their occupation, Kiri could have sworn that there was at least something going on between Y/N and the warrior. But if they truly were together and Y/N despised the thought of being with Neteyam to the point she was ready to deny Tsahik, why wouldn’t she make a case for herself? The wrinkle between Kiri’s eyebrows suddenly turned deeper, when her mind settled on a particularly convincing possibility. She gripped her brother’s shoulder eagerly.

“You need to talk to her,” she ordered with determination, “Y/N probably feels trapped because she can’t mention Kaye.”

“But why?” Neteyam was utterly confused.

“I’m not sure… but it might be because he doesn’t want her to reveal their relationships,” his sister explained, then took a small pause to gather her thoughts, “I mean, it must be the reason why they have kept it a secret so far. Otherwise, why wouldn’t she use it to protest grandmother’s wishes?”

“So you think Kaye’s the one who doesn’t want anyone to know?” Neteyam frowned, his eyes flashing with a hint of anger, “Are you saying he's been leading her on?”

“I don’t know, brother. You must speak with her,” Kiri shook her head, though the implication of her words were more than clear.

Kiri had never given much thought to the secrecy of Y/N and Kaye’s relationships before, but now, as she let her theory sink, the dots were finally connecting. Kaye never meant to mate with Y/N before Eywa.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Great,” Y/N mumbled sarcastically, spotting a figure crouching next to her hammock, “What are you doing here?”

Neteyam quickly rose to his feet, his muscles still a little sore from all the waiting. He quickly took in her features, and his guard fell down for a moment, registering the signs of sorrow. He had forgotten the reason for his arrival.

“Were you crying?” he asked, blatantly ignoring her question.

“Neteyam, I asked what are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened.”

“About what happened? You mean your family forcing me into a union with you?” she threw with bitterness.

“Look, I know that you didn’t wish for this,” Neteyam raised his palms in the air to convey that he had no intention of perpetuating his grandmother's harshness, “But I think there is a way for us to work through it.”

“Are you serious?” she narrowed her eyes with a slight disbelief, “So that’s it? You’re just going along with this and following the orders. Do you even care about how I feel? No one does.”

Suddenly all of the hurt and helplessness she had been feeling gathered into a big bubble of anger that she wanted to unleash on Neteyam - the very person who was responsible for trapping her. Y/N crossed her arms over chest defensively, hoping that if she made him miserable and pushed him away, maybe Neteyam would use his power to break the arrangement.

“I’m only doing my duty, Y/N,” Neteyam explained, trying to maintain a calm tone, “And I do care, but sometimes, sacrifices must be made for the greater good of the clan."

“This is ridiculous,” she scoffed bitterly, “You're carrying out your duty for the clan? Am I not part of the clan? Pick somebody else.”

“I can’t pick,” Neteyam gritted through his teeth, now feeling irritated too, “The sign and the orders were clear. All I can do is follow them.”

“It is concerning that as the future chief of this clan you’re incapable of making your own decisions,” she spat, her voice dripping with venom, "You're nothing but a coward."

Neteyam was taken aback. Was she really calling him a coward for respecting the tradition? He huffed, almost in disbelief, taking a pause before his mind could process the words she had hurled at him.

“Oh, you want to talk about being a coward?” he raised his voice slightly, taking a step closer to her. 

Despite her frustration with him, Y/N’s ears lowered involuntarily at his proximity. Her body recognized and complied with his status, before she could even deny the authority that he held over her.

“Alright. Let’s say I am a coward and just following orders. Why didn’t you protest then? If you didn’t want this so much, why didn’t you bring up Kaye?”

Y/N's ears were now flat against her skull, and she downcasted her gaze in shame. With the rhythm of her heart, her tail swished rapidly on the ground, creating a small cloud of dust. Neteyam waited for her response, but met with silence, he continued.

"The union would have never been approved if you told them that you were already mated with another man."

“Kaye and I are not mated,” she muttered, stealing a glance at him through her lashes. She was too embarrassed to face him head on.

“Well, you could have still -” Neteyam stopped himself mid-sentence, pressing his lips into a thin line. He could see the way her form slumped and shoulders hunched further into herself, as if the topic was too sensitive to discuss. He let out a heavy sigh, his frustration with the situation starting to fade.

“I can’t do that,” Y/N replied, her voice still low and subdued, “It wouldn’t make a difference anyway.”

“Why can’t you?” Neteyam pressed, and his own anger was beginning to mount again, “It’s him, isn’t it? He doesn’t want others to know about you two?”

He wasn’t wrong at all but her blood boiled at the insinuation in his words regardless.

“Stop,” Y/N gritted her teeth, “He can’t do it, alright?”

“Can’t, or he won’t?”

“He can’t,” she was desperate to convince Neteyam that it was the truth - that there was a bigger reason, “And I won’t ask him to.”

“Does he at least know about it?” Neteyam sighed. When Y/N didn’t reply, it was already enough of an answer to him, “And he didn’t offer anything?”

“Just drop it, Neteyam. Don’t taunt me.”

“Fine, if you wish to keep being upset about it, then take all the time you need,” Neteyam exclaimed, mimicking his father's disappointed demeanor when dealing with his children, “But don’t expect me to solve this for you. If you despise the idea of being mated with me that much, perhaps Kaye and you should talk to Tsahik. I’m sure that will help. And if you won’t… then at least try a little harder to make life easy for the both of us.”

But as he brushed past her angrily, heading for his home, Neteyam realized that he wasn’t actually frustrated with Y/N or their situation anymore. Rather, it was the confirmation of the doubts he shared with Kiri that had him seething. Kaye was the root of the problem - his refusal to take responsibility for his actions, not owning up to them. The respect Neteyam once held for the warrior seemed to slip away from his body with each passing moment.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Oel ngati kameie,” Y/N greeted with a small bow, touching her fingers to her forehead as she glanced between Mo'at and the man beside her - Kaye’s father, “Please forgive me for my early arrival for the lesson, Tsahik. I will wait outside.”

She hastily apologized before stealing another glance at the man and slipping out of the tent. Y/N had sensed Kaye's parents' dislike for her for years, ever since her name was brought up in a certain context, which made being in their presence stressful. And as Kaye's father had never showed up at the healing tent, which was the only place where Y/N could breathe freely and focus on her studies, seeing him there now made her shiver. She kept a respectful distance from the tent, not wanting to overhear their conversation, but her mind raced relentlessly, wondering about the topic of it.

“You’re going to bite your lip off if you keep that up,” Kiri came into her view, gesturing at Y/N’s teeth digging into the plump of her lower lip.

“Oh, hey.”

“Aren’t you going in?” Kiri nodded towards the tent.

“Tsahik is busy. She is talking with Kaye’s father.”

Kiri nodded, understanding that they would have to wait for Tsahik to call them in once she was finished with her conversation. She crouched down next to Y/N and let the silence hang between them for a moment before speaking up.

"I'm sorry that you and Neteyam have to go along with the arrangement," Kiri said, turning her head to look at Y/N's face, "He came back angry after the conversation with you last night, so I assume you must have fought. If he was a skxawng to you, I can beat him up,” she added half-jokingly.

"It's okay, it wasn't his fault," Y/N sighed, looking down at her hands. "He's only doing what he has to do. It's me who can't..." she trailed off.

“So? Aren't you going to fight it?”

“I don’t think I can, Kiri. Not without… you know, not without the support.”

Kiri nodded in understanding. Though it was obvious that the support had to be offered by Kaye, Y/N still hesitated to mention his name. As if she was still trying to protect his privacy, letting him off the hook without attaching her name to his.

“For what it’s worth, my family likes you, and you can count on me to be your biggest ally,” Kiri's hands covered Y/N's, drawing her gaze.

"That's a relief," Y/N’s lip’s curved into a grateful smile, "Knowing that the future Tsahik has my back."

Kiri chuckled weakly but her grip on Y/N’s hands tightened, when both of them saw Kaye’s father exiting the tent. He directed a quick harsh gaze at Y/N before walking away. 

"What could be so urgent that it brought him all the way here at this time?" Kiri rose to her feet and extended a hand to Y/N.

“I don’t know but it seemed important,” Y/N shrugged, accepting the help to stand up.

“I’ll ask grandmother,” Kiri announced, as they made their way towards the tent, ”Maybe it’s something about you.”

“You really think so?"

"It's possible.”

A glimmer of hope sparked in Y/N’s chest at the words. What if Kaye had finally spoken to his parents about her and asked them to approve of their love? Y/N’s thoughts wandered, as Kiri and her settled in on the ground, waiting for the arrival of the rest of the healers in teaching. Mo’at was already occupied with another quick chore, tending to a smoldering herb and paying the two women no mind.

“Grandmother?” Kiri addressed Mo’at hesitantly, only receiving a hum in response, “What did he want from you?”

“Not that it is any one of your concern,” Mo’at threw a quick look at her granddaughter over her shoulder, “But he asked me to bless a union between his son and Kaä’s daughter.”

With Mo'at's words, Y/N felt her heart sink. Surely, she meant Kaye - after all, his brothers were already mated. Was this it then? Was his father going to arrange a union for Kaye just like that? Kiri nervously gulped and glanced at Y/N.

“Grandmother, do you mean a union between Kaye and Yäyä?” Kiri asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Isn’t that what I just said?” Mo’at turned to face them with a stoic expression, “They will be here tonight for the blessing.”

As Kiri squeezed her hand, Y/N tried to hold back the gasp that threatened to escape her lips. She blinked rapidly, fighting the tears. The image of Kaye holding Yäyä, kissing her, and being with her was overwhelming. It was all happening too soon, and Y/N hadn't even had time to process her own feelings about Kaye before hearing about his arranged union. Luckily, the silence was shattered as more healers entered the tent, their greetings filling the space and drowning out Y/N's inner turmoil. She struggled to compose herself, her mind racing with thoughts of confronting Kaye and getting some answers as soon as she could.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The wind whipped against Y/N's face as she flew towards the isolated floating island of the Hallelujah Mountains, where the training camp was set. Her ikran, usually steady and reliable, sensed her unease and reacted to it erratically, reflecting her determination to see Kaye. She paid no mind to the gazes of the warriors around her, as she landed on the edge of the island. Without hesitation, she hastily greeted Jake and asked to speak with one of his warriors. Her abruptness drew attention, making the others suddenly curious about a healer invading the training area.

“Sure, go ahead,” Jake granted her permission, never having seen her so eager and anxious before. The man shot a quick glance at his son, wondering if he knew the reason for Y/N's distress.

Kaye was as startled as everyone else with Y/N’s sudden appearance. He was in the middle of a sparring match with another warrior when he caught sight of her. For a moment, Kaye stood still, when she hurriedly approached him and led him away. The others looked on curiously at them, but Y/N paid no heed to their inquisitive glances. Neteyam hung his head in shame, already feeling his father’s eyes on him. He would have to explain this later - why his future mate was blatantly ignoring him and having a private conversation with another man.

But Y/N couldn’t wait, her heart was pounding to find out the truth. To ask if Kaye had even fought for her. Did he know about the arrangement and didn’t tell her? Let her cry into his arms, while he had a big secret of his own that he kept away.

“I deserve the truth, Kaye,” she demanded, her throat already ablaze with the harshness of her tone. It was a tone she had never used with him, not even during their worst fights, "When exactly were you going to tell me that your father had arranged a union for you and Yäyä?"

“Oh… so you know?” he stammered, his voice barely above the whisper. Kaye could sense the weight of the other warriors’ stares in the distance, but the heaviest of all was the way Y/N was looking at him. She was overflowed with anger and disappointment, and he knew that he deserved it, choosing to withhold the truth from her. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I was only waiting for the right time.”

“The right time?” she repeated in disbelief, "What about the time when I confided in you about Mo'at's arrangement for me? Remember how I cried in your arms because I couldn't bear the thought of being forced into a life where I couldn't be with you?"

Kaye's ears drooped in shame as he reached for her arm, but Y/N stepped away from him with a sharp shake of her head. It felt as though his touch would sear her skin.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you,” he shook his head, as if disappointed with himself, “But both of us knew that our time together was limited. I mean… you’re being forced into a union too, it’s not like either of us can defy tradition.”

“Maybe if you had fought for me,” tears began to well up in her eyes again, “If you had stood up for me and fought for me, none of this would have happened."

“Y/N -” he tried reaching for her again,  but she turned on her heel and strode towards her ikran, wiping away her tears.

Kaye, and the rest of the warriors, watched in silence as she mounted her ikran in a swift motion, not bothering to even complete a Tsaheylu with the banshee, and took off into the sky.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Despite being far from the caves, Y/N was sure that she could hear the distant thudding of the drums and the soft humming of Mo'at. As if the intoxicating scent of burning herbs was filling her nostrils, and she was enveloped in a haze of smoke inside of the healing tent. Closing her eyes, too tired to keep them open, she saw Kaye holding hands with Yäyä, whispering words of blessing for their union as Tsahik presided over the private ceremony. Y/N pulled her knees closer to her chest, burying her face in her hands.

The memory of Kaye kissing her forehead and holding her close, comforting her with his soothing words, was now too painful to recall. She felt cold and numb, unable to face the reality of the situation. When she had fled from the mountains and found herself alone in the forest, she had lost all her emotions, along with her self-preservation. If she returned home and saw Kaye with Yäyä, she knew her heart wouldn't be able to handle it, so she decided to stay in the forest.

Her usual very aware self was so lost in thought that she barely paid attention to the rustling of the leaves. Y/N felt a pang of disappointment, once she realized that it wasn’t danger, but just Neteyam stepping from behind the bushes. She almost wished it was a sky person or a palulukan that came to take away her pain, replace her injured heart with something even worse and unbearable.

“Finally. I have been looking for you,” Neteyam announced, his voice cutting through the silence.

She slowly lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes lacking spark. Her freckles, usually prominent on her skin, seemed to blend in with the darkness of the forest, concealing her like a protective cloak. Neteyam could see that she was disconnected from the present, lost in her own thoughts. He sighed, taking a step closer and crouching down in front of her.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you but it is dangerous to be here alone by yourself. Everyone is worried.”

“I doubt many worry about me,” she attempted a scoff but the lack of energy faded it into a despondent mutter.

“Nonsense,” Neteyam shook his head.

Y/N studied him for a moment, searching for any ulterior motive behind his visit. Was he there merely out of duty to locate his ‘destined’ mate and ensure her safety after her outburst at the training camp? Could that be sufficient to make Tsahik regret her decision?

“I am sorry for the way I behaved earlier, in front of the others,” she spoke with a hint of hope appearing in her voice, “It might have ruined my chances of being mated to anyone.”

“See? I meant doing something bigger than that if you wanted to end this arrangement,” Neteyam regarded her with a teasing smile, “What you did only scratched the surface. And much to your disappointment, it was not enough.”

“Not like I planned it,” she scoffed, “I just had to talk to him before his ceremony with her…” Y/N trailed off. 

“I get it,” Neteyam nodded in understanding, “You don’t have to apologize though. I can see that you’re hurting, and just so you know, I would never stand in your way if you’d want to see or talk to him sometimes in the future,” he sighed with a slight difficulty, as if the offer he made took much effort, “”s just make sure to keep it a secret. I can't be seen by the clan in such a way.”

She let out a breath, caught off guard by his offer, then frowned, as though it seemed too generous. Y/N had never seen Neteyam in this light before. While he was known for making sacrifices for the good of the clan, she had always thought it was simply part of his duty. Now, Y/N wasn't certain if he was performing for her or if Neteyam was genuinely trying to help. It seemed foolish for him to propose such a risky idea that could easily ruin his carefully-crafted reputation as the future chief. She found herself gaining trust in him.

“Thank you for the kindness,” Y/N finally spoke, her smile weak, "But there's no need for that. It's over between him and me. I won't revisit that history again."

Eywa makes no mistakes. Maybe this was her chance to mend things with Neteyam, and get on the right path. Maybe they could do this, build a strong bond on a mutual understanding, friendship, and share moments of solitude. They couldn’t be lovers, but they could become good partners. Maybe there was much more to Neteyam that Y/N yet had to see. 

chapter 3 →

a/n: ik this is still a little slow but in the third chapter you're finally getting more neteyam x y/n)) please don't forget to show some love

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[luvzshy]

this might be hard to write and you don’t have to but if u could, could you do one where Billie and her wife has a miscarriage

A Quiet Togetherness

The silence in the house felt heavy, almost suffocating. You sat on the couch, a soft blanket wrapped around your shoulders, the fabric comforting yet too warm for the day. Billie stood in the kitchen, the faint clatter of dishes echoing as she busied herself, trying to keep her mind occupied. The radio played softly in the background, but the music felt distant, as if it belonged to another world.

You could hear her humming along, a tune that once brought joy now only seemed to amplify the emptiness in your heart. Just a few days ago, you had both been filled with anticipation, dreaming about the future, and now, that dream felt shattered, lost in the echoes of what could have been.

Billie turned around, her eyes meeting yours. There was a flicker of concern in her gaze, a silent question of how you were holding up. You managed a small smile, but it felt more like a mask than genuine happiness.

“Do you want some tea?” she asked, her voice soft. You nodded, grateful for the distraction. As she poured the water, you watched her movements, the way she poured the tea, careful and deliberate. It was a reminder of how much she cared, even in this heavy silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, setting the cup down in front of you, her eyes searching yours.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, your voice barely a whisper. “I feel so… lost. I don’t know how to process this.”

Billie sat down next to you, her presence warm and grounding. “It’s okay to feel that way. I feel lost too. We’re allowed to grieve.”

You turned to her, the tears welling in your eyes. “I wanted this so much, Billie. We were so excited, and now…” Your voice broke, the weight of your emotions crashing down like a wave.

Billie wrapped her arms around you, pulling you close. “I wanted it too. I still do. But we’ll get through this together. It’s okay to hurt, to feel everything you’re feeling right now.”

As you nestled into her embrace, you could feel the warmth of her body, the rhythm of her heartbeat steadying you. “What if we never get to try again?” you whispered, the fear clawing at your insides.

“We don’t know what the future holds,” she said gently, brushing your hair back from your face. “But whatever happens, we’ll face it together. We’re a team.”

You took a deep breath, her words providing a sliver of comfort in the dark. “It just hurts so much. I thought we were ready for this.”

“We were,” Billie reassured you, her voice steady. “Just because it didn’t work out this time doesn’t mean we weren’t ready. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling right now.”

You leaned into her, letting the tears flow freely. In that moment, you felt the release, the shared sorrow binding you together in a way that felt both painful and beautiful. “I’m scared,” you admitted.

“Me too,” she confessed. “But we can talk about it, cry about it, or just sit in silence together. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

Time seemed to slow as you sat there together, holding each other in the quiet of your home. The world outside continued to move on, but for you both, everything had changed. You could feel the heaviness of grief, but you also felt the strength of your love, a foundation that would carry you through.

As the sun began to set, casting a soft light through the window, you knew that while the path ahead would be challenging, you wouldn’t have to walk it alone. Billie was right by your side, ready to face whatever came next.

In the stillness, you held onto one another, allowing the shared love to wrap around you like a comforting blanket, a reminder that even in the darkest moments, there was light to be found in each other.

[honeybeefae]

Bigger Than The Whole Sky (Cassian x Reader)

Summary// This entire year had been devastating for you and your mate. On more days than not you found yourself laying in bed, the pillow wet with tears, while Cassian stroked your hair and whispered soft words into your ear. You were so ready to give up, to crumble away like sand against the waves of grief, until you discover something that gives you and him hope.

(I know this is a few days late but I wanted to get it right! This is very angst heavy, I’m just going to warn you. It has a happy ending but it deals with the loss of a child, miscarriage, etc. As a mom who lost her first child, this fic is almost cathartic to me. It was years ago but that kind of pain never leaves you and although I don’t know if anyone who reads this has gone through this, statistically 1 in 4 women will suffer through this. This is for you, or for anyone going through grief)

@starfallweek Prompt: Character A swears they recognize one of the stars blazing past when Character B is trying to tell them something important. 

WARNINGS: Angst, Miscarriage, Blood, Death, Vomit, Pregnancy, ending is hopeful

The curtains in the room billowed in the calm breeze, the sun streaming into a room that was full of darkness. You stared blankly at the door of your bedroom, listening to the soft snores of your mate while you furiously rubbed at your eyes to keep yourself awake.

It was the same every single night. You would try to sleep, your entire being exhausted from just existing, only to be plagued by the nightmares that replayed the night over and over again. No tea, herb, or medicine seemed to help, and every night you were edging closer and closer to the edge.

You quietly got up when your eyes tried to shut once more, walking over to the open balcony doors and stepping into the outside air. The warmth of the sun warmed your skin and kissed your face, making you briefly smile, until you laid a hand over your empty womb.

“Cassian! Cassian, help me!” You screamed from the bathroom, blood covering your legs as you fell to your knees in pain from the sharp cramps that were stabbing into your stomach. “Please…please no…”

Footsteps thudded loudly outside, your mate frantically searching for you, until he barged into the bathroom and saw you crumpled on the floor. “Y/N, what happened? What’s wrong?” He asked, kneeling in front of you despite the blood to grab your face. “Are you hurt? Where are you bleeding from?”

Your eyes were red from how hard you were crying, half from the pain and half from the realization of what was happening. It was the same thing you had seen your mother go through when you were young. You remembered hearing her screams, her prayers to the Mother to save her child, and then silence. 

“I…” You started to say before sobbing again, his arms immediately pulling you into his chest as he cradled you closely. He shushed you, rocking the two of you back and forth as you cried and cried and cried. 

Cassian figured out what was happening quickly, his heart shattering right along with yours. His tears fell onto your head, holding you to him as if you would also disappear. You stayed that way for hours, not moving until Feyre had come looking for you and immediately turned to go grab Madja.

She had to pry you from his arms to examine you, grimacing as she glanced at you in sympathy. Cassian’s hands never left yours as you lay on the bathroom floor, laboring for a few hours until you birthed your sleeping child. It was a boy, his wings so tiny as was the rest of his body, and you just sat there gazing at him until Madja gently took him and wrapped him in a blanket.

“Y/N?” Cassian called, pulling you back to the present. He looked over your sunken face, and your cracked lips, and felt as if he were looking at a ghost. “How long have you been out here?”

“Just for a few minutes.” Your voice was hoarse as you wrapped your arms around yourself, looking out towards the bay. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Did you?” 

You looked away in silence, his face softening as he reached out to touch you. It felt foreign though like you were out of your own body. 

“Y/N…you need to rest. Please.” He pleaded but you shook your head, looking up at him sadly.

“I can’t, Cass.” You mumble, the memory still burning in the back of your mind. “Every time I close my eyes, every time, I just see him and-”

Before you could break down, you snuggled into his chest, his lips pressing on the crown of your head to comfort you. Although the pain was still there, being in Cassian’s arms made it dull. You both had lost your son, you both were mourning and even though it had been a year of this agony, you at least knew you had someone to hold you in the dark.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, brushing the tears from your eyes. “You know tonight is Starfall, princess. Rhys and Feyre said they understood if we couldn’t make it but maybe it would be nice to get out for a while? See everyone?”

If you were being honest it was one of the last things you wanted to do but deep down you missed your family, and you knew your mate did too. He was always the social bat, the life of the party, and ever since the incident he changed, and became more withdrawn and sad. You hated how it had changed him, wishing you could take that pain away so his heart wouldn’t be marred by it.

Of course, it was impossible, you couldn’t change the past. However, maybe tonight was the first step you both needed to start healing. Starfall meant so much to both of you and while you definitely wouldn’t stay for the whole thing, an appearance was something you could manage.

“I don’t know if I can handle the entire party, but I think it would be nice to get out for a change.” You said, the corners of your mouth slightly turning up when he grinned from ear to ear. 

“Of course, we don’t have to stay long. Just say the word and we can leave.” He affirmed, surprising you with a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now go spread the good news while I go bathe.” You shooed him, watching him throw on his clothes and walk out the door at breakneck speed. It reminded you of your old Cassian. 

You started to draw a bath, letting the hot water almost sear your skin as it began to fill up. As you started to realize what you had just agreed to, you found yourself growing nauseous at seeing everyone again. It was no secret what had happened and while you were safe inside your room, out there you would be opened to the prying eyes and gossip of everyone else. 

Could you handle it? What if it was too much? What if it was a disaster?

The contents of your stomach started to rise in your throat without warning and you barely had time to make it to the toilet before throwing it all up. It made your eyes sting as you gripped the bowl, blindly reaching for a towel to wipe your mouth as you slowly slid to the floor groaning.

Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to go tonight. If your nerves were already giving you this much trouble, you couldn’t imagine-

“Y/N?” Madja called from the bedroom, her voice laced with concern. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you quickly wrapped yourself in a robe and peeked out, surprised to see her already halfway across the room. 

“Madja? What are you doing here?” You asked as she seemed to examine you with her eyes, trying to decipher the look in her eyes. 

“Are you feeling okay?”

She must have heard you throwing up. “Yes, yes, I just was worried over Starfall tonight. It will be the first time I’ve been out in public since…” You trailed off, looking past her as the painful memory threatened to surge forward again. 

Madja watched as you closed your eyes and breathed through your nose, calming yourself, before opening them once more. “I’m okay, just feeling a little sick. Do you think I could have some tea to settle my stomach?”

“I…I don’t think that would be wise, child.” She answered, brushing past you and into the bathroom to turn off the water. “Nor this hot of a bath.”

“Madja I assure you I am fine, I just wanted to relax and-”

“That’s not what I am concerned about.” She interrupted, crossing her arms as the wrinkles around her face softened. “Y/N, do you know when the last time you bled was?”

“It was…” You began, stalling when you couldn’t recall. After your loss, you hadn’t had your cycle and thought it was normal, you were grateful for not having to go through it on top of the trauma you had already endured. 

But as Madja stood there, watching as you pieced together what she was asking, you stumbled back in disbelief, hitting the doorframe behind you. She immediately rushed forward, calling your name, but all you could hear were the screams and the sobbing of yourself and your mate.

“Y/N! Y/N!” She shouted, grabbing your face and making you meet her gaze. Your eyes were already welling up with tears once more, feeling as if your heart was about to fly out of your chest. “Y/N, you need to breathe. Breathe.”

Her hands were comforting as she grabbed one of your own and put it against her chest, letting you feel her breathe until you slowly started to match it. 

“Please…please tell me it’s not true.” You whimpered, your bottom lip quivering as she shushed you and placed her hand over your womb. It was a few minutes before she pulled back, her lips tightened as she only gave you a slight nod of confirmation. 

It felt as if the entire world was crashing down upon you. She did not stop as you buried your face into her neck, shaking in fear at the news. In your grief, you had only had a few brief moments of intimacy with your mate, mainly as a distraction to pull yourself out of the hole if only for a little while. 

Madja softly ran her fingers over your head, shushing you, like a mother to a child. She was usually professional with the rest of your family but after what she had witnessed with you, she looked after you more closely.

“I can’t do it again, Madja.” You cried, shaking your head. “I’m so afraid.”

“Hush now.” She soothed, rubbing small circles into your back. “I know it is frightening, the unknown and the known, but you are already farther along than with your last.”

You were shocked to hear that, pulling away to see if she was serious. All of the symptoms you had had before were missing but you supposed with how you had been feeling and how overwhelmed you were, you probably just brushed them off just as you had this morning.

She wiped away your tears and used her magic to examine you once more, taking in the position of the growing babe. “I cannot guarantee you there won’t be any problems, this will be a higher-risk pregnancy, but I do have faith in the Cauldron and my hands.”

“What if it happens again?” You whisper, placing your hand over your belly. “What if I lose them? What if there is something wrong with me? If I cannot carry this baby, Madja, I fear that I will not be able to handle another death. My soul is already weary.”

“If you go throughout this life always worried about the what-ifs, you will never live, child,” Madja spoke softly. “Be afraid, grieve, feel whatever it is you are feeling, but also rejoice in this news and try to find the light in the darkness. That is what this child is.”

You let her words stew in your head, trying to sort through each of your emotions one by one as she wrote down a time and date for you to come visit her. “We will be doing weekly meetings to check, and if you have any worries come find me.”

As she started to walk out the door you called out for her, fiddling with your fingers as you asked, “Can you not disclose this to Cassian? I want to tell him.”

Madja smiled and nodded, holding a finger to her lips, before disappearing from your sight. You walked backward until your knees hit the bed, sitting on the edge as you processed what had just happened.

Anger, worry, guilt, and hope were the four biggest emotions you were working through. Anger that your body had allowed this to happen after what happened with your first, worry that you would lose another child, guilt that you got pregnant again so soon and that you were replacing your first, and a small hope that you would actually get to bring a child into this world for you and Cassian to raise.

It was a lot. What would Cass say? Would he be angry at you, or would he be excited? What about everyone else? What if your first son, wherever he was, was angry with you for replacing him? Were you being irrational?

The sun was already high in the sky and since your mate wasn’t back yet, you knew he probably wouldn’t return until later tonight. You had to tell him soon, it was a miracle that he hadn’t been able to smell it on you already. 

Your bath was sure to be at least lukewarm by now so you decided to go ahead and start getting ready, finding yourself gazing at your stomach every time you passed the mirror and imagining who was inside you.

Later that day, 30 minutes to Starfall

The dress you put on was one you had worn before but it was still as beautiful. You had styled your hair in your favorite way, your makeup light, and your shoes comfortable. After making sure everything looked good, you turned to the side and stared at your abdomen once more. There was a small swell that you could easily hide if you tried.

You were dreading talking to Cassian, your mind racing with what could happen. Although he seemed more okay than you, you knew it was just a mask. He was grieving just as hard as you, tossing and turning at night and trying his best to hide the pain from you.

If he wasn’t happy with this…you didn’t know what you would do.

As the sun disappeared underneath the sea you finally found the courage to step out of the door, heading upstairs to the balcony where you could already hear the party starting. You had told him to meet you there when he tried to get you to walk out together, assuring him you just needed more time.

Your heart was beating as loud as your heels against the floor as you stepped out into the world for what felt like the first time in forever. Everyone was dressed beautifully, some of them conversing with each other while others were grazing the food table and bar. 

Thankfully no one looked toward you, gawking or pointing like in your nightmares. It took you a minute to find Cassian but when you did you beelined to him, blushing when he pulled you into his arms and kissed you sweetly.

“You look beautiful, princess.” He murmured against your lips, kissing you once more before pulling back. “I was worried you were going to miss the start. I think the first one just streaked across the sky.”

“Well, I’m glad I came when I did.” You replied, snuggling into his side as you glanced up at the sky. You heard your friends behind you, laughing about something, and you were thankful they hadn’t spotted you yet. 

You needed to tell him now, while you had alone time, but when you finally found the courage to speak everyone begin to cheer and toast as the first couple of souls appeared in blazing lights. It was enchanting to watch, distracting you for a moment as Cassian kissed your forehead. 

And as you stood there beside him, his arm wrapped around you while you were surrounded by the beauty of the night and the liveliness of the party, that small spark of hope grew brighter and brighter. It was like the Mother herself was assuring you everything was going to work out. 

“Cassian, I need to tell you something.” You said, turning to look at him. However, he seemed to be focused on something past the horizon. “Cassian?”

“Did you see that?” He asked breathlessly, his eyes wide in disbelief. “D-Did you see?”

“See what?” You turned to try and look at what he was staring at, only seeing the bright streaks of green. “I don’t see anything, Cass.”

“I swear, Y/N, I thought-” He paused, looking down at you with a mixture of happiness and sorrow. “One of the souls, I swear….”

You held your breath, your hand flying to your mouth as you squeezed his arm as hard as you could. There was no way, it couldn’t be. It was just your brain trying to make you feel better about your situation, he couldn’t have possibly seen what you thought he did.

Still, you couldn’t stop yourself as you whispered, “Our son?”

He nodded once, his large hand cupping your cheek as you drew in a shaky breath. “It could have been a trick of the light, or something else, but I saw a small soul, it looked like he had wings and I just felt it. It felt like him, Y/N.”

However you knew it wasn’t, you knew Cassian would never joke or say something like this unless he fully believed it. And hearing him say that, looking at into his eyes, you knew this was a sign. 

Your son had come down to visit you, he knew you needed him even if he never got to see you. It was destiny. 

You quickly grabbed his hand and placed it over your stomach, tears freely falling as your voice wavered. “No, no it wasn’t a trick Cass. It was him.” You affirmed, smiling more than you ever had before. “He came to tell me, to tell us, that everything will be okay.”

“What do you mean?” He breathed, his gaze flickering between you and your conjoined hands over your womb. “Is this…are you…?”

Cassian couldn’t even finish the sentence as you nodded, biting down on his bottom lip to stop himself from sobbing in front of everyone. You rubbed your thumb over his knuckles, laughing incredulously as you said, “He wanted to visit his sibling.”

It took two seconds for him to digest your news before you were lifted into the air and spun around in his arms, grinning as he hollered in delight before bringing you into a crushing kiss. You felt warmth blossom in your chest where you had thought it never would again, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Everyone was probably wondering what had happened but for the first time in a year, you didn’t care. You didn’t care about the worries of tomorrow or of others, about the what-ifs, all you cared about was now. 

Starfall had blessed you with your mate, your son, and your new babe all in one night. It was a happiness you never thought you would have again and you weren’t going to waste a moment of it. 

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know it’s been talked about ad nauseam, but I think one of the things that got lost in the discourse about TTPD and the muses and whatnot is how one of, if not the core trigger points of the album is the yearning for commitment and perhaps even more poignantly, motherhood.

The reason she was so susceptible to falling for the “conman’s get love quick schemes” is because she was grieving that imagined life with the person she had long assumed would be the one to give her that. What has been beyond clear in several albums, let alone interviews etc, is that those plans for building a family were very much real and top of mind for years, and she kept holding on and shifting her world in service of making that happen. And when whatever happened happened that pulled that rug out from under her, it left her bereft not just for the relationship that had once been her world but also the imagined family she had been hoping for and sticking out the hard times for.

And that’s likely why she was swayed by and trusting of the promises of someone who knew her history and knew how unmooring that loss was to her. It may have been partially about the person himself or lust or whatever, but the core issue was the pain of giving up the dream, and sublimating that dream into this new opportunity in front of her, because she was so desperate to hold onto the last scraps of that imagined life she wanted so badly. (And I don’t mean desperate as in pathetic or negative, I mean as in fighting within the last ounce of energy and hope she had.) It wasn’t rational and it wasn’t love, it was grief, not just for a relationship but even more so for the family it represented.

So to me the core issue of TTPD isn’t just the Joe vs. Matty or whoever of it all: it’s Taylor and her yearning. She wanted a family badly and a life that was theirs and was processing losing that in all kinds of ways. It’s all over the album in overt and subtle lyrics. It may not have been grieving a literal death but I’d bet it felt pretty darn close.

And I’d also bet that’s why we’re seeing… what we’re seeing now.

(I have so many more thoughts about womanhood and motherhood on TTPD but that is another post being worked on piecemeal in my drafts… this is just a little Saturday morning post-zoomies reflection)

[divergentmisfit-fandomsblog]

There’s something that isn’t often spoken about with grief. A phenomenon that happens that many feel often ashamed of afterwards. So I’ve put it in a one shot of this scene at a risk of getting cancelled for talking about it.

*** Trigger Warning ⚠️ Bereavement, Grief, Confusing, Seeking Comfort Whilst Grieving.***

Emma’s tears spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. Lip quivering, her eyes searched for Regina’s support knowing that of all the people most likely to understand her, Regina would, as she’d also experienced the loss of a lover.

Walking over to Emma, Regina pulled her into a hug, and Emma was finally able to give herself the permission to sob. Her knees buckled at the emotional release, causing the pair to collapse onto the floor whilst still holding onto each other.

Emma’s wailing cries became muffled, as she turned her face into Regina’s coat, shielding herself and her pain from her family.

Holding Emma close, Regina gently rocked her while she sobbed, and the sensation of being held and having the space to release for once, made Emma’s cries louder as her emotions overwhelmed her.

Hearing her parents’ familiar footsteps as Snow & David made their way over, Emma turned her face into Regina further. Regina’s body went rigid, shifting a little while shaking her head. Emma could only imagine the glare Regina was giving to her parents, but right now she didn’t care.

“No!” Regina asserted. “Let her release the pain.”

“With all due respect Regina, she’s my daughter…”

“With all due respect, Snow, you’ve never lost your husband for more than a minute. I know this pain all too well. So allow me to comfort her in the way that I know she needs to be comforted. In the way that I needed to be but never received. Regina’s tone was soft and her boundary firm. “In fact, all of you please leave.”

“Emma, honey? Do you want us to leave?” Snow asked quietly, placing a hand on her daughter’s shoulder.

Emma couldn’t speak, for her painful cries prevented words from escaping her. She nodded as she sobbed and held onto Regina with a tighter grip.

“Okay. Okay, we’ll go.” Snow relented.

“We love you, and we’ll just be right outside when you’re ready.” David assured, ushering Snow and everyone else out of the door, closing it behind them to give Emma and Regina some privacy.

“It’s okay Emma, I’ve got you.” Regina whispered, rocking her gently, one hand on the back of her head and the other around Emma’s waist. The guttural cries that came from Emma the moment she knew she was safe to release her devastation weren’t just the cries of losing Killian, but also losing Neal, and Walsh, and Graham. All of them deceased, and she hadn’t had time to process anything of the pain she’d been holding onto for them all. It had all bubbled to the surface and spilled over onto Regina’s coat. The were no words that would comfort her, no words that would soothe or give any sense of justice to the loss she was mourning. Nothing would fix it. She just needed to be loved and held.

“Just let it all out, Emma. You’re safe with me. I got you.” Regina spoke softly, and for once, Emma felt like she’d been given exactly what she needed in the moment she needed it, and the focus was all on her for a change. Not saving anyone else, and not even being rescued herself. Just having that space to feel and process actually in the moment while having someone she cares for holding her. It meant everything, because the person she’d tried to get to be that person for her, was now gone.

Exhaustion set in. She had cried more than she’d ever allowed herself to in her lifetime. Lulled by the comfort of Regina’s embrace, she could fall asleep right there in Regina’s arms.

“You did good Emma.” Regina whispered, kissing Emma’s head like she would have done had she been comforting Henry.

That little kiss felt good. Too good. Way better than she was feeling right now, and the urge to seek that connection confused Emma. Mourning the loss of the person she’d tried building a forever life with, and yet here she was wanting Regina to kiss her forehead again. Lifting her face from Regina’s lapel, Emma glanced up at her, searching for that sense of connection as her eyes faltered to Regina’s plum coloured lips, and that little scar she’d always secretly admired. Regina returned her glance, eyes meeting she offered Emma a soft, empathetic, reassuring smile .

“Though this will be feeling like it’s the hardest pain you’ve ever endured, I promise you, you will recover and build a life around this grief. It never leaves you, but I promise you that you can and will build a life around it.” Regina whispered, as she moved Emma’s wet blonde locks off the side of her face gently with her hand, she tucked the strands behind Emma’s ear.

Emma’s hand found Regina’s and she held it to her face and closed her eyes briefly, comforted by Regina’s delicate touch. As Emma opened her eyes once more she noticed that Regina had been crying too. Crying quietly as she held Emma through the agonising grief. Regina’s empathy isn’t often acknowledged, mostly because she doesn’t like other’s seeing her as weak. But in this light, she never looked so strong. And Emma needed that right now. The urge to seek an intimate connection grew stronger within her, the silence between them grew loud, and everything faded around Emma as her eyes faltered between Regina’s lips and her eyes. Regina’s gaze followed Emma as they moved in closer. Emma couldn’t hold back. Her lips pressed against Regina’s, lingering for a brief moment until Regina relaxed and reciprocated the affection.

Deepening the kiss, their mouths opened a little, taking turns to caress each other’s bottom lip. Their tongues delicately embracing yielded a hum from Regina, which only spurred Emma’s enthusiasm. But before Emma had the chance to take this further, Regina shook her head against Emma’s lips and stopped the kiss.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

“No I’m sorry, I mean… I…”

“Shushhh it’s okay. I understand. When you lose someone it’s natural to seek the connection that you’re missing from them in someone else.”

Emma bowed her head and averted her gaze, but Regina’s hand found her chin and gently guided her back to face her and face the truth.

“You’ve done nothing wrong here, you understand?” Regina paused waiting for Emma’s confirmation, and reluctantly Emma nodded. “This is not a rejection. This is me protecting you from yourself right now.”

Emma sighed, and nodded before accepting what Regina was saying. And she had to admire her for looking out for her, yet she was confused as to why Regina reciprocated the kiss initially, especially as she’s with Robin. What does it mean? In any case, Emma couldn’t stay there in the Underworld and figure this out with Regina. They had to go home to Storybrooke.

“Thank you.” Emma eventually said. “And I’m sorry I kissed you.”

“Don’t be sorry. Like I said, it’s natural to seek connection in others after losing connection with someone else. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just part of the confusion grieving can do to someone. Now, are you feeling ready to leave?”

Emma looked back to the elevator door where she’d left Killian, then back to Regina and nodded. As Emma rose to her feet she offered Regina a hand and Regina took her offer, clasping Emma’s hand as she got up from the floor.

Noticing the mess of her lapel, Regina glanced back at Emma, with an arched brow. “I’ll send you the dry cleaning bill.” She sassed.

Emma knew that she didn’t mean that. It was just Regina’s way of putting her armour on, her Madam Mayor persona, to face the world again. As Regina headed for the door, Emma turned back once more to the elevator doors.

“Goodbye Killian.” She whispered, before turning to leave with Regina.

[mcntsee]

néant doux-amer / bittersweet nothingness

Summary: YN knows she’s going to die any minute now after a mission that went wrong. She know she has to accept it, but she’s scared. Luckily for her Kaz, the only man she has ever felt safe with, finds her just in time to comfort her in her last minutes. What she didn’t know was the pain Kaz would experience second after she was gone.

Warnings: This story contains themes of violence, injury, death, fear, and grief. Terrible writing that is probably going to be edited soon. I did try to make this sad. No happy ending. Pretty short, but I’m planning a pt.2

Also: I used google translate for the title, so I have no idea if it actually makes sense.

YN lay on the dirty concrete of Ketterdam, her body riddled with bullets and her life slipping away. She knew that death was creeping up on her with every passing second, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. The fear had consumed her, and she felt helpless. Suddenly, she heard a familiar voice. “Y/N?” she looked up to see Kaz, the only man she had ever felt truly safe with, running towards her. “Oh saints, Y/n!”

Blood oozed out of the bullet wounds and stained her clothes a deep red. Kaz was on his knees beside her in a matter of seconds, trying to staunch the bleeding with his jacket. “YN, stay with me," he whispered desperately, fear etched on his face.

"I'm scared, Kaz," she said weakly. "Don't be scared. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you," he replied, his voice shaky. But they both knew it was too late for that.

"Kaz, I don't want to die. Not yet," whispered YN. "I know dove, I'm here with you," replied Kaz, his tone soothing despite the fear in his own voice.

YN reached out a trembling hand towards Kaz, desperate for some human touch in her final moments. But Kaz's face twisted in fear, his phobia of physical contact preventing him from comforting her in the way she needed. "It's okay, YN. You're not alone." He said while fighting the demons in his head that dared to be so cruel by keeping him from touching her in her last moments.

Tears filled YN's eyes as she looked up at Kaz, knowing that he was the only person who truly understood her. She took a shaky breath, knowing that her time was running out.

"Thank you, Kaz. -”And something in his mind clicked, the voices filling his head went silent for a moment and he realized that she needed him. With trembly hands, Kaz took his gloves out and granted Y/n’s last wish by taking her hand in his. “-For everything." Said Y/n with a weakened smile. Kaz leaned in closer, "Anything for you, dove."

In that moment, YN's eyes closed for the last time and her hand fell limp. Kaz's heart shattered, knowing that he had just lost the only person he truly cared for. He sat there for a moment, overwhelmed with sadness. She was gone and he was, once again, left alone fighting the demons in his head that were telling him to let go as her hand grew colder, and colder but he couldn’t. Tears streamed down Kaz's face as he clutched onto YN's lifeless hand. He was barley able to touch her while she was alive but was now holding onto death so tightly because that was all he had left from her.

[gamma-rae-bursts]

My Little Dove

Emily is grieving the loss of her girlfriend y/n, who committed su*cide a day before Emily’s return from the dead.

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Fem!Rrader

CW: grief, implied suicide, arguments, swearing (let me know if I missed anything)

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1000+

A/N: This is a pt.2 to "It Was Night When You Died, My Firefly". Big thank you to @storiesofsvu for brainstorming the idea with me! This also covers Katt's Birthday Bingo Square.

Unedited.

The minutes that followed were filled with desperate screams and attempts to bring you back to life. The paramedics arrived at the scene within what seemed like a split second, announcing your death upon arrival.

“Emily” one of the agents dared to break her out of this spiral she fell into, not wanting to give you up “Emily, she’s gone” the pain filled voice sounded again, it was JJ speaking, her eyes filled with tears as the words were leaving her mouth. 

Emily held you in her arms, not willing to let you go, feeling the still-present warmth of your freshly deceased body, already feeling the effects of rigor taking control of your lifeless muscles. Determined to hold onto you.

Her sobs never ceased, overpowering the silence of the room. The heart-breaking sight causing a stream of tears falling from the other agents’ eyes. Her firm grip on your body only tightened as the paramedics attempted to separate the two of you. Her fingertips tracing gentle patterns on your skin as her tears fell onto you, softly pleading for you to come back.

The apartment filled with more and more people forcing her grip to loosen. All the agents watched as the medical personnel transported your motionless remains to the body bag, trying to hold onto Emily and stop her protests and fights. 

“I’m not ready to say goodbye yet”, the raven-haired woman pleaded, her whisper filled with indescribable pain, as you were transported out of the building.

Everyone stayed still, slowly losing the sight of the medics that were now out of the apartment. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” Emily cried, raising her voice at the other agents “None of this was supposed to happen! How could you let her get to this point?! How did none of you notice the signs?!”

“Emily-” an attempted response came from Hotch as the other agents lowered their heads, refusing to look the other woman in the eyes.

“No! She’s dead Hotch!” Emily was fuming, not quite sure who to direct her anger at “You are all profilers for god’s sake! How comes none of you bothered to check up on her! And you?!” she turned to look at JJ, the blonde woman’s head still down refusing any eye contact “I have asked you how she was doing! Does this fucking look like alright to you?! You promised you would take care of her!”

There was no reply, just as the heavy silence started filling the room once again Emily's voice roamed through the space.

“Everyone get out of here!” she shouted as the tears kept streaming down her cheeks. “Now!”

And they did. Leaving Emily in her now empty apartment. The place was filled with silence as the woman crumbled under the weight of her grief. Her body trembled with each sob, and her miserable cries filled the air, echoing with raw, true pain. Tears streamed relentlessly down her face, tracing wet trails through the dust of sorrow etched upon her cheeks.

The rest of the day was a blur, the time consumed by the overpowering sense of loss. She could still smell remnants of your presence, the smell of your cherry shampoo combined with your favourite perfume lingering in her nostrils. Every time she opened her eyes, now swollen from the continuous cries, it was as if she could see you out of the corner of her eye, never daring to look that way preventing the illusion from fading. The room grew darker and darker, the capital slowly consumed by the darkness of dust. 

“I’m so sorry y/n/n” a barely audible whisper left her lips as she looked at the photo of the two of you. “I am so, so sorry” 

9th of October

Emily woke up with heaviness weighing on her chest, the feeling of suffocation never seemed to lift. Every breath seemed just a little harder than the previous one. She knew she was awake, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of being trapped in a never-ending nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from. There was no escape from it. The darkness still filling the room as she reluctantly began to open her eyes that now held a hollow emptiness, lacking the life that was once present. With her vision blurred by tears she reached out to the other side of the bed hoping to find you there, hoping that it was all a horrible nightmare. But the other side of the bed was cold. Untouched. 

And you were gone, the piece of her that kept her going for the last seven months was ripped away from her embrace as you took your last breath just hours prior to her arrival. A part of her that gave her a reason to live was now gone and it was all her fault. 

Time seemed to cease its passage allowing her to navigate through the labyrinth of her thoughts. The memories of you came like a flood, her trembling hands clutched to her chest, holding herself tightly, feeling her heart shattering at the sight of your shadowy figure sitting at the edge of the mattress, disappearing with a single blink. The piercing pain of her breaking heart echoed with every gasp for air, each sob that left her quivering lips. 

Looking out of the open window her eyes were fixed on the brightness of the moon, the only source of light filling the space, just like she used to do with you. Always getting lost in the mindless conversations, the plans for the future, the life you wanted to build together. Being snuggled in the comfort and safety of each other’s arms. 

Leaving you never seemed right. The excuse of it being for the greater good was not enough anymore. 

Could she have prevented this? If she only reached out, left you a clue that she was alive and would be coming back to you. That she never truly left. There was not a day she didn’t consider that, not a day you didn’t fully occupy her thoughts. Even going as far as purchasing a little white dove figure, just like the one you gifted after a particularly hard case, with a sweet reminder that no matter how things go you’ll always love her. Did she give you enough love? 

There were so many things she wanted to tell you. Apologise for. Experience with you. 

But it was too late now.

Taglist: @nightmarish-fae @storiesofsvu @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @venromanova @maybe-a-humanbean @section-chief-prentiss

Join my taglist here!

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

Fire & Blood: Chapter 24: Time is a illusion (Dark Aemond x reader oc, x aegon ii ) 18+ minors do not interact and MAJOR BOOK SPOILERS/SHOW SPOILERS ATABF reader ocish she has a name its complicated

🔷Summary: After the events of Blood and Cheese and Rook's rest, you return to your husband and your king.

🔷Author's note: MAJOR book spoilers but not all that happens is canon.

🔷Wordcount:3187 (thats short sorry)

🔷Warnings: murder, mentions of toxic relationship, slight smut and BOOK SPOILERS also childloss and child murder targaryens commiting war crimes. war being war.

It seems that the days have become shorter or the nights have become longer. That, or you don’t have a healthy idea of time anymore. 

Time, in a way, has become an illusion. Days may pass, hours may go, weeks end, months follow each other closer and closer up as if entangled in a dance. But you know the truth now: No matter how quick the time goes, it remains an illusion. A lie everyone tells themselves to feel better. ‘’It will pass.’’ Your servant girl said when she was braiding your hair.

You laughed at her words. What will pass, exactly? Pain? You have become used to pain, to grief, to feeling as if someone is suffocating you while in truth that is you, and you alone hiding your emotions. Pain does not scare you. It's familiar, in a way. You hold onto it. But the idea that it will pass, that one day you’ll be left with nothing but acceptance and an empty cradle? A half-burned husband that can’t give you anymore children and you, sitting on his iron throne because he can’t get up from the bed? That is what terrifies you. That one day this rage, this pain and hurt will be nothing.

That you will be nothing.

Months have passed since you last saw Aegon. The last time you saw him awake and well was long before the battle of Rook's rest and your pregnancy. You had his child warmly nestled inside of your womb where no one could hurt it. No soul dared to touch you as Aegon’s wife, safe be for the loyalists of Rhaenyra.

And that is exactly who killed your innocent baby, Helaena on her name day. You named her after the sister Aegon and Aemond shared, perhaps to mend the wound between the two of them, or perhaps to sway their mother to your cause, but whatever reason you may have had in the beginning didn’t matter so much in the end. Before Helaena would see her first morning sun, a dagger ended her life. An assassin’s blade.

You have been called forward now, to see your husband, your king and your longlife friend Aegon who has just awoken as a miracle from his comatic state. He got injured during a battle at Rook Rest, where he and his brother, Prince Aemond slew the traitor Princess Rhaenys and killed her dragon. You were at home, of course, heavily pregnant with his child that would end in a disaster as most things do.

Every instinct tells you to run far away from both Aegon and Aemond. One had captured you in a literal cage for weeks, months perhaps. The other crowned you without your consent, made you his wife for the world to see, and made you a target. Both were boys, once perhaps. You were a girl in love, perhaps. But boys become men, and love eventually dies. That is how life has been before you, why would it be any different now?

Your husband and your king stares back at you with living eyes full of admiration and joy. It is not joy, you notice. It’s something even more heartbreaking then that. He has that look most men have, when they think their wives have squeezed out a perfect heir that will save the husband from damnation. This is what they call ‘’Pride.’’

He is proud of you.

There used to be days you could never not look at the prince, his fierce beautiful eyes, short silver locks and out of this world beauty that was indescribable with any pencil this world and the next could offer. There were moments your daylight extended by seeing his face, as in a way, it protected you from the dark.

O, how you long for such simple times.

To be a girl again, with a book in your hands, smacking a hangover Aegon when Aemond comments that you should behave yourself.

‘’My love, my Brienne.’’ The King speaks, his voice a bit raspy but hearable. You faithfully accept his left hand reaching out to squeeze your fingers but your eyes are locked to the monstrous arm where metal and skin meet one another, and where the fire of a dragon made Aegon part man, part metal. You shudder to think of the nights you will spend sleeping and waking up, suddenly feeling that cold metal arm touch you. 

There is joy and kindness, and hope and brightness in his eyes. Emotions you haven’t felt in months. Emotions you aren’t sure that are real now, or ever were real. Hope for fools, perhaps. Doom for nations, for certain.

Another matter, perhaps but it does prove your suspicion as to why every single soldier, every servant and Maester, Queen Alicent and even Prince Aemond left the room when you entered. 

No one, not the coldhearted Green Queen, not the Terror of the Trident, not the fierce King’s guard or the all knowing Maesters had the guts and the balls to do what is now your task. No one informed him of the passing of your child. No one. That is now your task. The task of a mourning mother, a childless Queen and a shell of the person you once were.

Cravens, all of them be damned.

Aegon forces his hands on the wood of the bed, lifting himself up to sit so he may have some dignity while addressing you. You could not care if he was in a casket or lost all his limbs he could never lose his dignity. Your love is tested for him when you see him winch in pain as the poppy milk wears off, and you are for the very first time in your life unsure if your love is strong enough to face this.

It is not that he has lost his attractiveness. But it is that constant reminder, that constant bug flying in your face showing you how much pain Aegon is in, how much suffering he endures and who you should all blame for that. This war started the moment Aegon was born and it will end with the death of her. 

Aegon pretends to not be altered by his new disabilities, by his new life. He takes a deep sharp breath revealing just how much this is killing him from inside out. A man like Aegon who prided himself with his beauty, with his grace and long legs…..

How much of that light will remain now that the flame has blown out, all that remains is shadow?

In his eyes realisation starts to form and you both come silently to the conclusion that life will be unlike anything it ever was before. It will heal this wound. A new scar will appear. But how much scars can a flesh handle before it starts infecting and begins to rot?

You rub your ring and watch Aegon for a while, your mind thinking of multiple ways to start the conversation, yet they all feel as cheap little lies as you try to hold off the inevitable. You rather watch your husband pass out and sleep than him sitting here awake and in a clear state of mind aware you must deliver the news now.

He knows you won’t speak. So he does. “You look well-”

Your snort interrupts him. Your hair has begun to grey and your skin is full of scratches and wounds where you keep peeling at, until it bleeds and spreads over your skin, just to feel something. Your eyes are darkened and hollow, as a starving girl. You don’t long for food. You long for justice. “I am not.” Is your cutthroat cruel response to his simple opener.

“You are not wearing your crown.” Aegon says, pointing with two fingers to your head. You don’t have the energy to wear the damned thing. It does not help that no one does what you want anyway. You are a Queen consort, not a King born from the womb of the former Queen. You needed Aegon’s approval for everything and while he would give you the world his council would rather see you die yesterday than tomorrow.

“Without you I am no Queen.” It is true. ‘’Your men treat me like an accessory. A fun little token playing dress up. I have been in power for months since you slept and not one time has my word been considered.’’ 

It is like a spell has been broken and a curse has lifted on Aegon as he slowly tilts his head.

 “My son. I deserve to see him.”  He says. ‘’I don’t know why you didn’t bring him. I don’t know why the servants told me he was asleep and I don’t know-’’

A cold idea creeps into your mind, as a dark seed has finally taken root and begins to spread its weed over your mind. ‘’What servants?’’ You ask, faking interest.

‘’The blonde new girl.’’ The king says. ‘’It is not important.’’

You sit down on his bed, breaking the distance between the two of you. You lock your hands into his own, feeling where metal and men meet, feeling where scars are appearing and wounds are healing. You owe him the truth. “It was a girl.” You begin.

Aegon’s brows nearly become one.

“It was?” You understand he must be disappointed. 

You fiercely sit up.

“Yes. I named her Helaena. I know she's not what you wanted nor needed-” Aegon shuts you up with a kiss on your mouth, missing you by a inch as he stumbles over. He smiles, genuinely and happy when kissing you a dozen times.

And yet you deserve none of it.

“My Queen, my Brienne. Where is she? I must see her.” He rambles. 

“Assassins came.’ You whisper in his ear. His smile vanishes within a blink of an eye and you see him figure it out on his own. Yet he plays pretend and dumb, a way he always protected his feelings. 

“They were all killed. I'm unharmed.”

You wish it were guards instead.

“Helaena was not unharmed. They killed her. I watched them kill her, Aegon.” You break down, and you break down hard. You fall from your safe haven of mind and break, shatter and crumble to ashes as you let out the one after the other horrifying sob.

“I have been so alone these last few months. Aemond barely visited me. You were asleep. And my child, who I did not even deserve for the way I resented her early on for not being a son…” Your voice dies off as gasps and cries escape your throat; your vision becomes blurry with tears. “I can't do this anymore. I lost too much. I suffered too many losses. My mother, my father and my sister. And then you and my baby. I will never-” This is not going well. You struggle to breath and the pain on your chest increases.

“You still have me.” Aegon mutters, holding you as well as he can. Yet the moment you see his melted arm, you begin to panic again.

“Aegon, can't you see? Whatever we had, whatever was growing between us: We will never have it back the way it was. I can't find myself. I am lost in a darkness where I can't seem to find light, no matter what way I turn.”

“Then let me help you-” He whispers, no begs, commands and yet wishes in the same sentence. ‘’Please, Brienne. You know I have loved you. More than I have loved everything. I would set this world on fire to see you smile, and I would snuff out every bit of light if the dark brought you comfort, my love.’’

“I don't want to find the light, Aegon. Not anymore. I am the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Your Queen, your lady wife and your love. You took a vow without me knowing so, but you promised to protect and honour me.’’ You tell him.

“I did.” He mutters, staring at the ring that once belonged to his father. When he finally looks up there are tears rolling down his cheeks as well.

Your plan might be cruelty. Your heart will never be pure after this. But honestly: Who cares about purity, who cares about justice, for it has become clear that this world does not. The gods keep laughing at your attempts at goodness, and you have been far too kind with the struggles they have given you. “I want you to get on Sunfyre. I want you to mobilise your army. And I want you to burn everything that even dares to blink in the direction of that whore's Castle.” You vow. At first you see him tear up. Then he silently cups his own face with his hands, crying as he doubles over on the bed, clutching you so tightly you are sure his nails are digging in his skin.

“...Aegon?” You ask.

“Sunfyre…” He begins with a heartbreaking sob. “He'll never fly again. One of his wings got ripped off his body. He'll never fly. Neither will I.” You understand the truth of this horrendous discovery. Your husband lost his beloved pet, and you just lost another great way of destroying enemies. Your husband started this war with Vhagar, Dreamfyre, and Sunfyre under his command and now only Vhagar is in state to ride to battle.

Aegon needs you. But you can’t be what he needs. Not anymore.

“I can't stay with you.” You tell him before pushing him off your body. And as a coward, you run away from him, your royal duties and the looming dread of destiny.

“Brienne! Come back…” his shouts are ignored.

You don’t come back.

—-----------------

The next time the doors open in your face, you are standing in front of Aemond Targaryen’s bedchamber. You have been here various times yet this time might be considered treason. Aemond is surprised to see you, yet lets you in. You follow him closely, shutting the door shut behind you. 

Prince Aemond has never made a secret of his love for you, and you know it is burning brightly still. ‘’How was my brother?’’ He asks. 

‘’As a corpse brought back to life.’’ You respond, looking at the flames in the fireplace, licking at the wood, destroying it.

Aemond crosses his arms, offended. “You don't find him attractive anymore, is that it?” You laugh. You wish it was that simple. 

You sit down in his chair, ignoring the looks he gives. You are the Queen now. “I sometimes wonder how I came to think you were a clever man, so blinded you often are.”

“I watched my husband go from a healthy man to a broken soul with a metal arm in months and saw my daughter die in front of me. I wish it was as simple as not finding him attractive.’’ He still looked so beautiful. Your Aegon. Yet so broken.

You notice that Aemond has taken a seat next to you. ‘’I am sorry, Brienne. I am sorry for ignoring you. I didn’t know what to say after you lost Helaena. It all felt like nothing was good enough.’’ Such funny creatures, humans be.

‘’Anything would have been enough.’’ you confess. Anyone would be enough. Anything is always better than silence. ‘’Yet, i appreciate your honesty.’’ You reach out for his hand but he pulls away as if he burned himself.

‘’What do you want from me, my Queen? The hour is of the owl. You should not be here given our history.’’ History is such a funny thing. Only survivors will determine what is true of it.

You must feed the dragon, awake the monster and pull its reins once more.

‘’Remember when those men in the woods, tried to rape me? Remember how you burned them all? How we burned that city together?’’ You also had sex with him afterwards, good sex, one of the best times in your life with him.

You smile. ‘’I want to relive old times. I heard that the woman who calls herself queen is from the Vale. I heard it has lovely woods and delightful servants that will scream once you blaze them.’’

As if on queu, a servant appears from behind both of you, clearly clutching Aemonds sheets around her body while she makes a curtsy at you. You feel many confusing emotions. You feel shock, rage and jealousy. Yet you are married. You are happy with your husband.

Am I happy or am I surviving?

It’s the same blonde bitch that lied about your daughter being a son and being alive. You trap her easily, the sheets falling from her body. ‘’I was hoping to see you.’’ You tell her, hissing as you become a bit unhinged. She eyes you with big eyes.

‘’The Queen told me to lie! She said it would break the King’s heart to know you delivered a failure!’’ She cries for mercy.

‘’Brienne,’’ Aemond mutters. You don’t listen. ‘’I will come with you. Just let her go. I was lonely and it was a mistake and it won’t happen again.’’ You know he is lying. It will happen countless times again, and every time is one too many. 

You fall back into Aemonds arms as the girl tries sneaking past you both. When she puts her clothing back on, a single sapphire falls down from her pocket. You and Aemond both watch as she becomes as red as tomato, clearly caught red handed. ‘’Y-your grace. I am so sorry. The war has been starving my family. Prince Aemond has many sapphires, I never…’’ You feel compassion grow, finally. 

You feel like yourself again.

Aemond huffs. ‘’You dare try to steal from our Queen?’’ He asks advancing. You know that tone. You don’t pick up on it until it is too late, and Prince Aemond has captured the thief by his window. You can only utter a word before he pushes her outside of it, and you hear her screams as she falls to her death, her remains shattering around like an artistic painting.

Your breath is racing as Aemond advances with a smirk, cupping your face lightly as you try to become the cold queen again. He grins, giving you a soft kiss on your mouth gently bending your face so he may have another taste, and another…and another. ‘’My little bee.’’ He declares. ‘’I see you are still in there, somewhere. I will burn our enemies together with you, and in exchange you let me feel what I wanted to feel for months now. Do we have a deal, or shall I tell the king-’’ You don’t let him finish his threat before your mouth finally finds his again, your hands already tugging at his eyepatch. Aemond groans in response and picks you up by your hips, carrying you to the bed.

You watch the ceiling as the one eyed prince fucks his troubles and your own away.

And soon?

Soon you’ll destroy Rhaenyra.

The same way she destroyed you.

A/N.

I really think Brienne is projecting too much on rhaenyra and not enough on her business with aemond/aegon and whatever the heck is going on at the red keep, who keeps letting these assasins in smh.

Anyway: thank you for reading!!:)

[lvrcpid]

DEPENDABLE - so long, farewell.

cw // NETEYAM’S DEATH. I AM SO SORRY. i literally cried writing this dw i’ll come with family fluff after this.

ney’ite watched as her brothers body was floated across the sea, the fetal position his lifeless body was laid in made her shiver. the white paint on her face almost felt..taunting. ney’ite closed her eyes as the body floated past her, taking a hold of the leaf and making her way over to her parents. as the eldest, jake and neytiri wanted ney’ite to help them give his body to the sea.

ney’ite looked back to her younger siblings, giving them a curt nod. ‘stay strong’ she mouthed before everyone turned to face the bottom of the ocean, ney’ite taking neteyams body into her arms before looking to her parents, nodding before setting his body out, keeping a hand under him as her parents joined.

the trio swam to the bottom of the ocean, letting go of his body when it hit the sea anemone. ney’ite watched as the sea engulfed her younger brother, biting back tears and swimming to the top. once they all reached the surface, ney’ite walked over to ronal and tonowari. “thank you..” she spoke softly, tears pricking her eyes.

the walk back was quiet. nobody spoke a word. only the sound of the waves and small sniffles coming from each family member rang out. “i’ll put tuk to bed” ney’ite sighed, picking up her crying little sister. jake looked over at his daughter, sadness painted across his face. with a nod he patted her back and let her go.

it took a while to get tuk to bed, her crying growing louder and louder and she was truly inconsolable. after getting her down, she noticed all of her other siblings were asleep, her parents comforting eachother. she walked over to them and looked down at the pair, a sad smile across her lips.

she snuggled between her parents and suddenly felt a wave of emotions hit her. all of the anger, the pain, the grief, the regret, it all hit her at once and in an instant, ney’ite came crashing down, curling herself into a ball as she burst into tears against her parents, tears rolling down her face and onto her fathers chest as he tried his best to calm his daughter and his mate, while also trying to keep it together.

it was a few hours later when ney’ite got up and took a small walk, needing fresh air and room to breathe. her parents were weary about letting her go. “i’ll be okay..” she spoke, voice horse. she then set off , stumbling upon the tree of souls.

with a fragile heart and mind, ney’ite hesitantly took her queue and entangled it with the tree, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh.

“ite did you see! i got one on my first try!” ney’ite met eyes with her baby brother, he had to at least be around 5 years old. his innocent state brought her to tears. she remembers this. he had caught his first fish.

in the blink of an eye, neteyam was 15, holding out the necklace to his sister “i made it just for you!” without realizing, ney’ite was crying. seeing her brothers smiling face was enough to make her turn away from him, letting out a sob before falling to her knees , leaning into her brothers arms as he snaked his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. “is there something wrong? do you not like it?” ney’ite turned around to see her brothers face, sighing as she cupped one of his cheeks “i love it nete..im just so happy to see you..” she smiled. neteyam let a warm smile peek across his face. “i’m happy to see you too!”

after a few more memories, ney’ite had to leave, wiping her tears as she watched her 5 year old brother chase around a bird that flew in their home. she smiled sadly before whispering;

“so long, farewell little brother.”

[mikanotes]

remains

denji x gn!reader — 1.7k words

genre: angst comfort, platonic (probably)

warnings: csm pt1 spoilers, mentions of death, grief, anxiety, not really canon compliant (written before pt2 came out), talks of marriage, suicidal ideation and depression.

synopsis: the aftermaths of denji’s time as a public safety devil hunter, and the pain that comes with.

author’s note: edited repost from an old sideblog of mine because it was too good. i wrote it before part two came out so obviously a lot might seem ooc bare with me please and thank you… that’s all actually. yay!

Denji steps out of his apartment, sighing and shaking his backpack on his back a little. He sighs and huffs and does all sorts of disgruntled expressions as he walks down the stairs.

“Nayuta, hurry up already.” he yells, jogging down. The girl sighs in annoyance as she closes the door to their apartment.

You laugh as you watch them bickering while they walk down. Once they reach the streetwalk, Denji’s face lights up.

“Finally!” he exclaims, smiling widely. He runs up to you with an exaggerated crying expression and open arms, before engulfing you into a suffocating hug. “I missed you!”

“It’s been two days.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

He pulls away and smiles still. You chuckle and shake your head, before turning to his little sister. “Hi, Nayuta.”

“School.” she says, before walking away. You stare at her with furrowed eyebrows before turning to Denji.

“Uh?”

“Kobeni takes her to school now.” he says, blankly, “She needed a job. She’s still broke.”

“And you’re not?”

Denji makes an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders and begins walking away in the direction of the path to your high school. You shake your head to ignore the hundred questions you have to ask and run up to catch up to him.

For over five months now, Denji has been silent.

Sometimes, he’s overbearingly loud and present— Makes a show out of reminding everyone around him that he exists. He’s joyful, and acts like his stupid, idiot teenager boy self. It’s Denji. It’s him. But it’s different. He’s craving attention; he’s craving comfort, company. He was alone before and he was used to it, but then he got a family, love and company, and it was all ripped away from him— his life— so fast and easily, like it meant nothing. He needed someone. Something. To hold onto.

And so sometimes he’s dreadfully quiet. He doesn’t say a word and practically only replies to questions with nods, shakes of his head or hums. He mumbles his way through his sentences and walks to school like heavy chains are on his feet. He’s visibly unwell. He doesn’t really sleep. It shows on his face— and Nayuta told you.

He misses Aki and Power.

Makima, almost. In spite of everything.

He misses the daydream that his reality had become, for a while.

And he’s quiet when you walk to school. You know he’s glad to have you with him because you were part of the Public Safety Devil Hunters, but you attended high-school at the same time. That meant once he finally enrolled, he wasn’t alone. Yoshida Hirofumi was there, too, but he wasn’t in the same grade and he was also deemed “creepy” by Denji, which earned him a lighthearted hit to the back of his head. The point is that Denji is glad he isn’t alone, and that someone from what one could call his previous life is still there. Alive. Standing. Doing well. Someone who knows about everything, and who won’t ask about anything. Someone who understands him without needing him to talk.

You.

“You’re crying.” you say after a good fifteen minutes of silence and walking to school. Denji is looking ahead and only wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

“Not.”

“Sure are.”

“Shut up.”

You don’t mention it again. Not even when you hear him try to stifle his sobs during fifth period at school. Not when he spaces out and doesn’t eat his lunch to stare out the window without moving. You figure he needs time, still.

When the school day ends, he walks slowly as he exits the gates. You look at him from a few meters back and think for a moment, before jogging up to him.

“I’m staying over at your apartment today.” you say, walking ahead of him and skipping through your steps. You hear a familiar scoff and then him running up to catch up to you.

“No, you’re not.” he scoffs, walking next to you with his arms crossed. You look at him with raised eyebrows and he side-eyes you. He sighs quietly, pursing his lips. “… Will you help me cook? Nayuta keeps complaining.”

You scoff in victory and hold up your fist. He bumps his own into it.

“Deal.” “Deal.”

So you stay there the whole night.

You cook some instant ramen Denji has because you’re actually not much of a better cook than him, but it seems Nayuta prefers it when you’re the one who makes it. He sits on a chair next to you and dully watches you cook. You turn to look at him, “What’s up?” you ask, and he shrugs.

“Can we, like, get married, or something?“

“The hell?”

He shrugs again and closes his eyes, sinking down on his chair. “I dunno. I’m like, alone, y’know. I don’t know, I just think it’d be nice having you over more often. And the kid likes you. I just thought about it.”

You laugh because marriage is so far-fetched when he could just ask you to be roommates. You know marriage’s an oath— You’re supposed to be together forever, or something. Denji probably thinks it means security. To stay with you. To not be alone ever again, even if it wouldn’t change much from what you already have and you both know that. You know that what he’s trying to say is that it’s harder than he pretends to live alone. To live alone again. Nayuta isn’t enough to complete the hole that Aki and Power’s death left in his chest. And as innocent as she is, she reminds him of the nightmare that destroyed all of it. Makima. Sometimes, he purposefully takes too long to come back home after class so Kobeni takes care of her longer and he can spend longer without seeing those damned eyes, even if it means paying Kobeni double. You know because when he isn’t staying alone in some street, he’s with you in a park or at your place.

“We’re not getting married, you fucking idiot.” you mumble, laughing still as you pour the ramen into three bowls. You exhale and focus your gaze on the food, “I’ll just come over more often.”

“I don’t want you coming over more oftennnnn.” he damn-near whines, “You piss me off.”

“You said you wanna get married.”

“Yeah, but still.”

You scoff and bring the food on the counter. “Nayuta. The food’s ready.” you say, and the girl looks from her spot on the floor, where she lies down on her stomach while reading a manga magazine. The dogs seem to all wake up at the same time as she gets up. There’s sliced bread on the side of her bowl and she takes it with her teeth before walking off with the bowl in hands. The dogs follow her.

Denji turns on his chair and leans his arms on the counter before putting his head on them. He stares at the side of his bowl and you lean against the counter, taking your own. You mix the ramen with your chopsticks a bit and sigh.

“You should eat.” you say.

“I will.” he says.

“Before it gets cold. Or else you’ll complain.” you add. He sighs and gets up enough to spin his chair so it faces the counter and sits back down, before eating. He finishes the bowl pretty fast and then he’s back to leaning on the surface of the counter. You tilt your head. “The…” you hesitate, “The dogs should probably go out for a bit, right? Wanna go walk them together?��

He nods a bit.

Nayuta falls asleep. You head out with the dogs. Denji holds half of them, you the other. The night is cold. Denji doesn’t seem to mind, or to realize. You’re not sure.

You walk to a small bench next to a vending machine. You sit down and Denji buys drinks. He hands you your favorite and keeps his own in hand. The dogs are seemingly enjoying the night breeze much more than you are. You’re cold.

“You know.” Denji begins, “I came here after Aki died. This exact fuckin’ place. I ate ice cream. And Makima found me, somehow. And she brought me to her place. That’s where I met those dogs for the first time, too.”

You hum.

“Then she killed Power.” he says.

You nod slowly.

There’s silence and it isn’t uncomfortable but it’s heavy. If you couldn’t feel Denji’s grief before it was all you could feel now. Like it hung in the air, suffocating. You knew Aki, and you were acquainted with Power. But you didn’t know either of them half as much as Denji did.

It hurt when they died, but not half as much as it did for Denji.

You could feel his hurt now. It made you wonder how he kept living. It was grief so terribly painful and overwhelming that anyone would rather kill themselves than keep enduring it. But Denji was… Denji. You figured he was just different. Nothing really new.

“I thought to myself, I killed Aki.” he says, then sighs like it was hard to breathe properly, “So it was easy for me to think the same for Power, y’know? ‘It’s my fault. I killed them’.”

“I understand.”

“Mhm.”

He uncaps his can of soda and drinks around half of it in one go.

You two go back home.

The dogs went to sleep fast, Nayuta was still asleep, and Denji was worn out. So you cleaned up the place, put his coat on the coat hanger for him, and put his shoes properly at the entrance where he’d taken them off messily. You put a blanket on him and readjust the one on Nayuta. Then you lay down next to Denji.

He opens his eyes a bit and just looks at you. There’s silence. He hugs you and hides his face in the crook of your neck.

“We should really get married.”

“No.”

“Man. Fuck you.”

He holds you, still, and you hold him. He fell asleep before you did. You spent a while carding your fingers through his hair and rubbing his back, making sure he was really asleep. Making sure he wouldn’t suddenly jump because of a nightmare (it had happened before). And then you allowed yourself to fall asleep.

When the sun was up and you were all awake, Denji was back to being loud. You figured he was okay. It was enough for now. He was alright.