#but also pointing out the very visible differences in quality and effort is not? self deprecating?? or am i missing something???

[errantabbot]

The very point of Zen is awakening. Nothing less.

Beyond any sense of acting or affectation, awakening is the calibration of one’s view of reality to reality as it is, perceiving the nature of self and all things, and then acting out of natural, spontaneous accord with that view ongoingly.

This endeavor and effort must come to occupy one’s mind at all times; it is not something that is accomplished casually. Unless one’s resolve is sufficiently pointed in every moment, one cannot hope to resolve the great matter.

Like awakening itself, one’s resolve must not be contrived. It is possible to dance around continuously and visibly in the mystique of the endeavor and not actually commit in any meaningful way. Conversely a subtle, truly integrated resolution and effort may be hard to perceive from the outside.

There are many psychological hurdles that must usually be overcome in raising a true intention and effort in pursuit of realization. Essentially these may be understood as the curation of a self image, in lieu of a willingness to lay down such concerns and preconceptions, and to face what is actually apparent- an utter lack of self.

Unless one is willing to let die one’s self-importance, one’s egocentrism, it is not possible to realize awakening. Again, acting and feigning is of no real use, and in this, false humility is a far greater fetter than common illusions of self-substantiality.

It is possible to occupy the mass of one’s time in practice activities, while also not yet having truly committed to the requisite moods and motivations for fruitful practice.

At every stop the ego is highly skilled at protecting itself, and redirecting one’s view and intention from the disruptive shifts in orientation derived from clear perception. One must be wary of complacency and satisfaction with the quality and scope of one’s efforts.

Great Doubt is the fuel of true practice. Common, discriminative doubt is a caltrop of the ego that serves to disrupt one’s intentions and motivations. It is essential to clarify the difference between the two.

~Sunyananda

[ernmark]

I get where you're coming from-- I'm faceblind, so prominent features like hair color are things I use to differentiate people, too.

Typically, quality-based names like these are given to strangers, often because a person didn't learn the other person's name, doesn't want to learn their name, or can't remember it. And instead of their name, they're reduced to a single very obvious quality that specifically sets them apart from other people ("redhead" wouldn't be a very useful differentiator if everybody in your school had red hair, for example).

Depending on the quality that stands out enough to garner an epithet, that can be really uncomfortable, because it's a constant dig at the way in which they're othered, and a way to reinforce the fact that they're not one of the in-group. (Again, pulling from "redhead", that nickname can carry wildly different connotations for someone living in a community with strong anti-Irish or antisemitic attitudes.)

They'll also sometimes be an indicator that to the speaker, the nickname-quality is the most (or only) important thing about them. In the notes people have pointed out how frequently a person's race is used as their primary identifier, or their visible disability, etc, and how incredibly uncomfortable that can be.

Epithets and feature-based nicknames can also be an indicator that the subject is not worth the effort of remembering their name. This is where you'll frequently see a racist person giving someone an "easier to remember" nickname when the other person's name is "unusual" or "hard to pronounce".

If you've gotten people reacting with offense when you refer to them by a feature instead of their name, there's a good chance that they assume it's because of the above. They have no way of knowing your intentions, and if they've been mistreated in the past because of the quality you pointed out, they have every reason to think you intend to do the same.

(This is a big reason why I tend to be fairly upfront with people that I'm terrible at remembering names-- I don't want them to think that when I forget, it's because they personally are beneath remembering. Similarly, when I'm pointing out a person whose name I don't know to another person, I make a point of using something the subject chose for themself as a descriptive reference point-- the color they dyed their hair, or their shirt, or their purse or something.)

Now the thing is, that isn't a universal rule or anything. Epithets given to strangers can, with time and affectionate use, become beloved nicknames. But at least among neurotypicals, that's significantly less common than just using the person's name after they've been introduced (Notably, this is different in specific situations like bootcamp or a pirate ship or whatever, where nicknames are an inherent part of the in-group culture. But those tend to be separate from the kind of epithets I'm describing.)

But I think it's incredibly important to point out that my post was not about how people think of or talk to each other-- it was about writing.

My post was about ways to take a common thing and use it in a way that effectively evokes certain responses-- and also to help people understand why sometimes they find themselves bothered by epithets used in certain ways in writing.

What's more common in writing, and in fanfic writing in particular for a number of reasons, is that it isn't consistent or deliberate, and is instead often the product of a writer getting self-conscious about using the character's names or pronouns and consequently reaching for whatever identifier they haven't used recently, which can confuse and even undermine other characterization that they've tried to establish. Frequently they'll accidentally imply that the point-of-view character is bigoted, or that the character considers the other person in the scene to be a stranger.

In writing, epithets ("the taller man"/"the blonde"/etc) are inherently dehumanizing, in that they remove a character's name and identity, and instead focus on this other quality.

Which can be an extremely effective device within narration!

They can work very well for characters whose names the narrator doesn't know yet (especially to differentiate between two or more). How specific the epithet is can signal to the reader how important the character is going to be later on, and whether they should dedicate bandwidth to remembering them for later ("the bearded man" is much less likely to show up again than "the man with the angel tattoo")

They can indicate when characters stop being as an individual and instead embody their Role, like a detective choosing to think of their lover simply as The Thief when arresting them, or a royal character being referred to as The Queen when she's acting on behalf of the state

They can reveal the narrator's biases by repeatedly drawing attention to a particular quality that singles them out in the narrator's mind

But these only work if the epithet used is how the narrator primarily identifies that character. Which is why it's so jarring to see a lot of common epithets in intimate moments-- because it conveys that the main character is primarily thinking of their lover/best friend/etc in terms of their height or age or hair color.

[exit-path]

Alright! Let’s get this done!

It’s less than 40 days until the one-year anniversary of my “Hi! I made something cool!” pinned post!

I’ve wanted do something like that again. I want to make another isometric render of something in Minecraft, all in a 2D image editing software, by hand.

But there’s a problem. I don’t know what to make.

I have a bunch of ideas on things I could make! But I don’t know which one to choose! And I don’t want to choose randomly, because the original isometric “render” actually took me one whole week to make. That’s seven consecutive days.

So that’s where you come in.

It’s hard and high-stakes to make one of these, so I don’t wanna mess up! I wanna know for sure what I should make.

If you could please, look through the list and see me which one(s) you’d like me to make. Then, tell me what your thoughts are in a reply or reblog. I’ll read through them, and in about 36 hours after I post this I’ll make my final decision on what I’ll render!

(You don’t need to interact with this post if you don’t want to. You can scroll past it if that’s the case.)

Remember, in the end, the result should be something of this caliber. This is what I made back then. And this is the level of quality I’m striving for again.

(I won’t post my render on the one-year anniversary, mind you. I’ll post it the day that I finish it, whenever that may be. I just mentioned the one-year anniversary so we’re all on the same page here.)

1) The other Skyblock islands

This is pretty self-explanatory. I rendered the main Skyblock island, right? Well why don’t I just render the other two and call it a day? I’m finishing the job. This is like the obligatory sequel for a hit movie.

One’s a sand island you reach once you bridge over from the main island in normal Skyblock. The other’s made of glowstone and you reach it when you build a nether portal and travel through the nether to link up with the portal on the other side.

Now, from a “making the render” standpoint, the problem with this is that it probably won’t be fun to make as the first one. Like, the other original Skyblock island at least had interesting shapes to work with, it had depth, and it posed a fun challenge. These other islands are just 3x3x3 cubes made of the same block.

Plus, people might not care to see the new render. People always like the sequel less than the original movie. And I’m thinking that might be true for something as esoteric as a post about a Minecraft render made with 2D image editing software.

2) My Survival House

You might be confused seeing this on the list. Like, everyone’s seen or played Skyblock so that makes sense, but this? This is my singleplayer survival house. Very few have seen it; nobody but me has ever been to it. Let me explain.

I played on this world from September to October 2020. In that time, I built a starter base, a mine, and a cow barn/wheat farm. This is the starter base. It doesn’t look like much, but that’s only because we’re on the surface. Let’s go into spectator made and bring the camera under.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Yes, the majority of my “starter base” is underground! (The image is slightly edited to highlight where it is.) If I were to render it, I would show the bit that’s at the top, connected to everything underground.

There’s a lot in this base! Immediately down the ladder from the house at the surface, there’s a room full of chests and that contains a jukebox where I can play music discs.

Then on the floor below that there’s my furnace room, my portal room, my map room, and my spruce tree farm. Down another floor you can find a room where I intended to grow cactus for a brief period of time.

I’ve spent a lot of time in this base. However, I’ve never seen it in full, in isometric view. And I sure would like to. Because perspective in 3D constantly hides different parts of my base when I view it from different angles. Isometry is an idealized reality.

If I were to render this, you’re agreeing that I’m doing this for myself. I love this world, and I’ve spent many days in the past excited to come back to it. This is a bit of sentimentality, a tribute to myself.

3) My 1.0.0 Survival Base

Now, you might be starting to recognize a pattern here. (Image slightly edited to highlight where the survival base is.) And no, it’s not that I really want to isometrically render my survival worlds for some reason.

Yes, I apparently like building my survival bases underground, I know, shut up >:P

I played on this world from March to September 2019: the longest I played on a survival world so far. Virtually only one other person knows about this world.

The entire time I played on it, it was in Java Edition 1.0.0: the earliest and first full release of Minecraft. I accessed the version by using the dropdown menu on the Minecraft launcher.

As a result of being in 1.0.0, the entire survival experience was changed, and that posed a lot of unique challenges. For example, how do you mine out large regions of land if beacons haven’t been created yet? How do you enchant tools if anvils aren’t in the game yet?

Playing on this 1.0.0 world has acted as my greatest insight into “old Minecraft” so far.

If I were to render this base, I would only render the underground portion (which I hollowed out of a naturally-generated cave, by the way). Why would I do that, if there’s probably also a house on the surface that I could render?

Because this is what that house looks like.

Yeah, this house does look incredible! I would know, I’m the one who made it all in 1.0.0. But no chance am I rendering all that.

Anyways, I want to render this world because despite all the time I’ve played on this world, I’ve never actually even seen my base as a spectator much like I’ve shown above. (Minecraft added cheats in 1.3.1. Spectator mode didn’t exist until 1.8.)

Plus, this faces the same perspective problems I mentioned for #2. So mainly, if I were to render this isometrically, I would be helping myself by letting me view my world in a lens I was never able to before.

4) A House in the Sky

This is a bit of an inside joke on my blog.

Basically, ever since August, I’ve been playing games of UHC on Minecraft minigame servers like Hypixel and Mineplex with the sole purpose of defying the point of the game and just building a house in the sky. Like a whole-ass village house. Plop. Right there.

This is the house I would build in those games. And this is what I would like to render now.

If you know me personally, then you already know what the front of the house looks like. (I’ve shown it on my blog countless times.) So that’s why in this preview, I’ve made the front of the house see-through so you can see the interior.

This is an effect I want to emulate in my render (if I ever make one). I make multiple image edits, and in one of them, both the exterior and the interior of the house are visible.

If I render this, it’s just a pointless joke. Not much else besides that 🙂

5) Something Else?

This is where I leave an open-ended answer.

Did you think of something that’s not on this list? Do you have something in mind that you’re passionate about personally, and that you’d like me to render? Do you think a couple or all of the ideas here are good, and you want me to render those couple or all of them?

Then remember to tell me in a reply or reblog!

Keep in mind when leaving your opinion that making a single render takes a lot of time and effort. Think of it this way: the original Skyblock render took one week to make.

Rendering something with half as many blocks would take four days. Rendering something with twice as many would take two weeks. Making multiple renders would take multiple weeks. So don’t forget the human aspect in all this.

Well, that’s the end of this post!

Tagging @ice-block, @gay-slime, @mojang-official, @birch-forest, and @light-blue-glazed-terracotta because they saw my original post and I’d like to hear their opinions, given that they’re big blogs in mineblr.

@emarezi and @unyanizedcatboys, I’d like to hear you weigh in on this as well.

See you in 36 hours, I guess!

[whenerosmetpsyche]

Maya Calendar Numbers

The Mayan calendar consists of

20 day signs and 13 day numbers (further explained in the video above). Each day is a different combination of a masculine deity and a feminine number

that describe the nature of that day. Different days and deities are cycled through the year until every possible combination is achieved to create a 260 day cycle.

These cycles reflect the natural rhythms of time and nature. Likewise, the number you were born on is said to describe a part of your own nature.

To find out what day number you were born on, visit this site, enter your birth date, and grab the Tzol’kin (day count) number.  

In general, odd numbers are more intense and restless than even numbers. Even numbers have an easier time manifesting positive qualities. Lower numbers will resemble their day sign and other parts of their horoscope more strongly than their number sign. Middle number (6, 7, 8) are believed to be the most fortuitous because they contain power, but not too much. Higher numbers (11, 12, 13) tend to be extreme in nature. The power of people born on an 11, 12, or 13 day were treated with a great deal of respect. 

One The beginning from which cycles of time grow. The original creation energy. The root of time itself. Associated with Chuen, a day deity representing the creation of everything. A person born on a One day is resolute and willful, able to transform thought into action. Inspired and ingenious, a One is able to manifest results.

Two The symbol of duality. In Maya mythology, many stories are based upon hero twins who act as patron of the arts. They represent the eternal dichotomy of the world and underworld, day and night. Dark and light. This number is often associated with Akb’al, the symbol of romance, and as such represents the polarities of male and female energy. A person born on a Two day is able to draw upon either side, and thus is able to access both their masculine and feminine qualities. They are born lovers; however, they can be indecisive.

Three  At its best, the number Three represents the virtues of home. It symbolizes the power of reproduction and thus represents the lineage of descendants. The number Three is associated with the day deity Ben, the sign that governs matters related to the home. But the three is incomplete, and so it also represents struggle and uncertainty. A challenging number, someone born on a Three day is often frustrated by their own potential that struggles to pan out in the way they envision. Those born on a three day are advised to fully manifest the talents of their day deity.  Four The number Four symbolizes wholeness, representing the four stages of the sun (dawn, noon, sunset, and midnight) and the four directions. A person born on a four day has many powers, and through their inherent completeness is able to manifest many strengths and possibilities. Four is considered a healing, stable number, and as such Fours are often found in positions of service and relationship-building. Five  The number Five is sacred in the Maya calendar. It represents the symmetry of human experience: five fingers and toes on one hand. Five stages of life (childhood, youth, adulthood, maturity, and elder). The number Five is associated with work and karma, and so its corresponding day deity is Muluc who is associated with paying and receiving karmic debts. Five is a firery number, and those born on this day are known to arrive early and sometimes rush into situations without much forethought. However, it is this impulse that is responsible for their innovation and alacrity. Six The number Six is considered a very strong number and is a composite of the elements of family: health, understanding, work, friendship, possessions, and action. All are interdependent of the other. Six is considered the number of ultimate stability where we are on the road of life, headed to the center. As such, the number Six is associated with the day sign Eb, which means road or journey. People born on Six days are down to earth and practical. Their actions reflect an understanding of the practicalities of life.  Seven  Representing endings, the number Seven lands in the middle of the 13 day sequence symbolizing the unity of every beginning and ending. Associated with death, the number Seven represents the journey to the top of the pyramid where everything is visible, possible, and real. As such, Sevens are known to judge all points of view with equal validity and are prone to indecision. A path of many Sevens is to learn to be decisive, and use their view to develop creative solutions. At their worst, Sevens can be morally ambiguous and as such are related to the day sign Cib who represents pleasure, forgiveness, sin, and pardon -- all the vices of living on Earth. They are often swayed to extremes of compassion and contempt. Although presented with many opportunities, Sevens are known for slipping into moral decline when unable to transmute their skills into creative accomplishments. However it is through focus of mastering the material world that Seven is able to achieve magic. Eight An especially sacred number, the number Eight embodies the infinity of time, a cord emblematic of the umbilical cord. An Eight is considered another whole number of manifestation and is affiliated with Ahau, the ancestral solar force responsible for heroism -- the masculine principle of the Universe. People born on Eight days are able to effortlessly manifest the highest qualities of their sign; however, they can be surprisingly fickle and can become easily upset or disturbed out of the blue. Nine Although even numbers are believed to more easily manifest positively, Nine is also an extremely positive number and is a favorite for coronation, important rituals, and ceremonies. The number Nine is considered the number of life with its association with the nine months of pregnancy, the nine moon cycles of the 260 day calendar cycle, and its association with the day deity Ix, the feminine principle of the Universe commonly known as mother nature. So sacred is the number Nine, that the Maya have embedded principles of the number into creative processes ranging from agriculture to house construction. People born on Nine days view the unfolding of life as a flow between light and dark, happiness and sadness, fortune and suffering and understand how it is all necessary for positive change.  A person born on a Nine day is well prepared to balance the challenges of life through their inner stability and nurturing traits and they are able to easily manifest their plans.

Ten      As a representation of human cooperation, the number Ten represents the bonds among people and the need for justice and order symbolized by the day sign Oc. More than any other sign, the number Ten person is aware of life’s ups and downs as everyone has moments of success and advancement as well as loss and disappointment as duality is inherent in all of our actions. While a Ten person is very stable, there is an underlying fragility to them. Part of a Ten’s path is to grow a thicker skin to better survive the blows of life.  Eleven The energy of an Eleven is intense but neutral. Elevens represent the past, present, and future -- everything that has been and will be. At its best, an Eleven embodies the balance of life. A person born on an Eleven day has great potential but tends to lack direction and a sense of home. These people can become drifters afflicted with indecision and insecurity and only with great effort are they are able to find their path and purpose. Through their turmoil and existential dilemmas, Eleven’s are bestowed with a great creativity and if they can learn to harness their abilities can become quite successful. The number Eleven is associated with the day deity Kan, the interdependent force of expansion that sets systems in motion associated with the inner fire of creativity. Twelve   The highest of the even numbers, Twelve represents inner reflection on life’s conclusions. It is through reflection that a record of our life is created and it is possible to see the whole. People born on the a Twelve day understand the interconnectedness of community, and are related to the corresponding day deity, Caucac, the force of the divine feminine manifested on earth through natural and supernatural forces. People on Twelve days are endowed with a great deal of power and strength and are often able to reach a high level of self-reliance and independence. 

Thirteen  On Thirteen days, the spirit world is much closer to us and so these are the best days to meditate and cultivate psychic gifts. The number Thirteen represents the completion of life. It represents the thirteen major joints of the human body through which the internal lightning or koyopa is distributed (considered akin to kundilini energy). A person born on a Thirteen day will be blessed with great psychic and spiritual powers, or at the very least be able to develop such powers easily. This potential will always lie within those born on Thirteen, and they may find life very difficult if they neglect this part of their soul. 

So far, the birthdates I have researched correlate to the above descriptions to an impressive degree. In addition, for the past month I have been comparing Mayan day cycles to the character and nature of the day, and have been rather amazed. For a complete picture, it is necessary to learn about the day deities as well and I plan to cover these in later posts. 

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Subs

↪ A/N. UGH these guys have me fucking spiraling. very excited to bring you this, please indulge 👀

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub, kinks galore, gender-neutral dom!reader

3.5k words | bullet points | this is all over the place there is so much to say i—

⌈ ten

— motto: kitten has ‘ten’ in it, but so does intense.

wowza honey

best choke out you’ll find

the stamina, too, oh lord. ten can handle a lightning fast riding without blowing up in two minutes

all while you choke him

with a waist harness on and ankles bound

bondage looks so good on him; he’s flexible and enduring. imagine a hogtie... art. 

such a beautiful man.

literally, rope marks, imagine that

we need to talk about his pain threshold as well there

things that have other guys screaming are a mere tickle to him

i can’t emphasize enough how lucky you’ll be. this fella does not have to be trained much. experience? abundant. talent? more than vast. he knows precisely how far he can go with what kind of kink. that is invaluable.

and now, the most mind-blowing part. stress: he encourages you to take it all out on him. in his mind, that’s an extra treat and a promise he gets it raw how he loves it. 

your satisfaction is his fuel, as is seeing you unwind. 

the whole progression from heavy beginnings to breathless ends

the boy needs you to go, for the lack of a better word, buck-wild

so yes, ten is your number one (pun intended) address for all things messy. he asks you to hatefuck him, you spoil him with it.

the sheer masochism of him

are you kidding me

listen i’m not a fan of the sin concept but in this case... you can sin all you want with him

tl;dr: angry sex is his thing. strong emotions. guts will be rearranged.

about the elephant in the room: yeah, this guy can bust some extraterrestrial, dazzling, sexy as hell moves

that means one thing. contortionism. you can bend him into every position you desire and fuck him like that. he’s petite but don’t worry. your babe’s strong

in fact, you can sit on his face and get one ferocious rimming daily

things will get wet wetter wettest

surprise surprise vice versa he likes his own ass filled with plugs and vibrators

the type that buzzes him into a delirium while you slap him. with his neck turning red and those pretty almond eyes going wide. 

they do hold the universe. he’s just so enthralling.

btw. talking about toys. having a fleshlight ready to make him moan and ruin his orgasm is a veeery good idea.

chances are you will draw cute english or thai interjections from him

in return, you can call him your prince and kiss him all over for aftercare. he’s no different, thinking of you as someone figuratively and literally noble to him. he’s thankful you fulfill his greatest sexual dreams. it’s true, you’ll really worship each other.

he’ll do his little mona lisa smile and doze off in your lap...

sub!ten is just priceless okay

10/10

i need a moment

⌈ kai

— motto: local strip club found bankrupt.

oh mY GOD nini

he knows how it’s done

did he go to sub school or something

you’ll find him at the stove around 6:30 AM in his apron

making you breakfast pretty much butt naked otherwise

flustered and sexy butler kim right at your service

looking very sculpted

dancing a little, as usual, he’s getting into it

in other words, you’re sure to get those eggs fried well

now, besides his skimpy clothing and waiter allure

kai as a submissive is almost definite to be an epitome of organization. he’s just good at it. period. lube and protection are always in the house.

you do your part doing maintenance for toys and cracking the occasional whip but really i mean... as the great oh sehun once said... never don’t mind about a thing when jongin gets the chance to put something in order

so lean back — kai is a service sub. he’s the type who wants to break a sweat for you

and have that very visible because he doesn’t own clothes anyway. well, well.

something more about organization

fucking according to a schedule sounds about right

you have it all planned out with a special calendar book just for that purpose

but don’t believe he’ll be boring and hyper-structured beyond that

kai is the precise opposite of dull as a lover but that’s a huge duh

he has both the acute sense of bashful romance and strong erotic feelings that come with a regular eyebrow wiggle

he likes to provoke the wild animal in his partner

reckless abandon

kai is 100% guaranteed to make you let out the beast. he enjoys feeling you go all out and grip him, pin him. everything hands-on is good.

grinding and gyrating is always part of sex. hell, even floating and flying. fuck gravity.

you need a certain level of dexterity. and hey if you don’t, you will pick it up from him in a solid minute

what i’m trying to say is that it won’t happen that the two of you rub against each other in the sheets like two blocks of wood (even when going into aftercare!). it will be fluid, ever-moving, energetic right and left with the mattress creaking all over the damn place

sex with jongin is one thing for sure: fucking fast. he won’t mess up his tempo if you know what i mean. the two of you will be thrusting and moaning until complete fatigue sets in

he whines a lot i’m telling you

it’s the surefire way to know kai is into it, being genuinely vocal is one of his best qualities as a sub

besides handling any rough pace 

this guy will have you sneaking into his gym room and have a quickie on the next best workout bench

and lord knows what else. 

the bathroom is another destination. wet!kai, the yearning romeo, is an image you won’t forget

prepare to get your hands on all of that

he’s gonna melt right into ya

and that is sub!kai for you

⌈ taeyong

— motto: vanilla? hardly heard of her.

to use an nct pun: the options are— limitless.

and another: you’re signed up for a... long flight.

and you’re gonna be the: boss

who gives it to him

and i’m warning you

he’s shy about it but

taeyong is simply insatiable. take his kinky reputation at face value.

what doesn’t he do

the softest softcore (feathers to tease him) to the hardest hardcore (edge play, hallelujah), the whole spectrum without any efforts for transitions

so you guessed it, a normal bedroom really won’t do.

neither does a standard dom

but since you’re knee deep into taeyong — go figure, you’re reading this — news flash you likely aren’t one

plug in all of your toys and cameras for date night. he needs his good dose of lube-dripping fantasy, homemade with a bunch of latex thrown into the mix

yeah i know that will escalate quickly

he wears it well i’m telling you

and also greatly enjoys you donning it for friday evening

it will frustrate him to the max which is a sight to see indeed

no other sub in super m gets harder boners over latex. that’s how it is. he’s just so drawn to the material and how much authority it gives you in particular

noona/oppa kink incarnate

hell, even daddy/mommy

he calls you that when you are forehead to forehead and catching your breath

because man these orgasms are going to get you so high, bodies gently intertwined

and very, very drenched

not just skin-wise

so let me underline this

your dear taeyong, no matter how innocently he can blink at you, gets his daily nutrient intake from cum. 

what fancy-schmancy protein shake is he interested in other than yours like literally none

put him on a leash together with baekhyun and you have two salivating, ultra dirty boys

so ready to please and swallow everything up

taeyong is a handsome handful

you’ll be horny 24/7

or 23/7 maybe because aftercare

where we revert back to adorable yong. he clings to you a lot, you nuzzle him all the time, the affection is off the charts

he’s pouty and sweet, smiling to himself

holding him tight gives him a big sense of security. 

safe to say he wants everybody to know he belongs to you in terms of PDA, too

it’s not restricted to domestic intimacy and sexual aftermath

taeyong truly has the perfect ratio of freaky and soft

god worked hard on him

⌈ lucas

— motto: when bigger is better, things get wetter...

ready for take off are we 

yukhei is one flirty crackhead you’ll love it

teasing will go back and forth

there might even be play fights and wrestling involved. messing around on sofas and carpets, you know the deal. things won’t get too rowdy, he’s being his 6′ baby self and you don’t want to use your whole bag of tricks yet vice versa

lucas eventually lets you win anyways

and acts like he’s lethally injured ffs

he’s an aquarius don’t come for him they roll that way

in comes the patient-doctor roleplay. yep that’s how the story goes

and you sure as hell get to take care of um

luke’s big lightsaber

alright

it’s throbbing a bit too much and needs medicine

so think of yourself as a jedi master training your disciple.

read: edging the living soul out of him. 

rough handjobs are just perfect

as is going on a rodeo trip getting the guy to tame those bucking hips with a lil punishment here and there. and with punishment i mean tickling even when he is close to orgasm

uh-oh

wong yukhei is a cutie pie but he has just about a bucket of cum for you spilling all over the place

he might get a lil embarrassed about it, that’s the sweetest thing

cleaning it up will be his greatest pleasure

so

ready for subby lucas yet?

he’s juicy

so what else do we have... 

(besides that he sounds like harry styles is dubbing him and that voice is going to turn you on so hard)

if his dominant doesn’t have an ounce of a muscle and biting kink that’s, how to put it, a missed opportunity

just licking him and leaving marks everywhere just has to be the biggest feast in history. you have him parade around sleeveless just to see the hickeys on his arms. 

and you don’t have to be frugal. it has to scream mine mine mine. yes, xuxi has some arm sensitivity going on. he needs your mouth on him doing chaotic stuff that leaves his jaw hanging open. to the point of you eating your brunch off his chest and shoulders.

there i said it 

breakfast with yukhei is cancelled. it’s breakfast on yukhei

as for positions: things are usually more chill and standard. just how much missionary will there be, you’ll lose count. he’s good at it. lucas has the condensed passion of ten people, it will be more arousing than you’d think. it’s also a good pause to your usual activities, you both get a chance to um take a breath

if he feels cocky, wong brathei likes to lift you up during sex and here we go again with a staring contest... which ends with a bright smile and kissing 

what did you expect

always remember this one thing. in his big himbo brain only one thought floats around and that. is. his. love. for. you.

a whipped boy

he’s irreplaceable.

patient xuxi reports speedy recovery

⌈ mark

— motto: good boys go to heaven after debuting a couple times more

sirs and sirettes, mark lee.

what did you think the “m” in super m stands for? mario, man, massive, market, model?

nope

SuperMark is what keeps the planet spinning

now here it goes

let’s get one assumption out of the way first

you’d think he fucks how he talks but you’ll be surprised

everything’s slow slow slow

the pace is very casual for someone who raps and thinks that fast

mark is just too friggin’ cute

a blushy cupcake

innocent and always curious what you’re up to

just perfect for all sorts of gentle dominance

you can reassure him when he gets nervous which happens every now and then

and put him into soft sweaters and blankets when he feels cold

maybe even building a pillow fort and just caressing him ad nauseam literally for minutes on end.

tousling his hair would be adorable beyond belief

the same goes for giving him cheesy pet names

or feeding him sweets

you can bet chocolate is his favorite. 

but it’s not just all about pampering him

keen how he is you can expect a lot of gestures of attention from mark, like carefully selected presents and foot massages

there’s a real gentleman at your hands.

a gentlemark

he might have come up with that himself 

you bet there will be lots of humor involved mark just can’t do serious sex

his intellect is yeahhh... superhuman

as much as his heart is squishy for you.

it’s hard out there. this world is tough

but mark is a safe haven to return to and have wholesome hours in bed with

30% sex, 70% aftercare.

you think that’s impossible? look into his puppy eyes and tell me all you’ll do won’t be spooning

it’s an art form and mark is just too inviting not to do a brush stroke on the canvas. 

and after you’re done spooning things are back to more caressing

a smooch left, a smooch right

for the 30% he might need a bit of outside support because his inner perfectionist compels him

so he’ll text johnny at 4:30 in the morning with urgent questions

because his mind is racing and he promised to wake you up with a set of spicy stuff

sex veteran johnny will calmly explain it to mark but also keep it short and simple

because man how early can someone text you 

and mark appreciates a crisp how-to that he won’t forget

even when you are chest to chest feeling each other’s breath and his brain almost shuts down

at the end of the day...

you say hey canada lemme get my hands on those big thighs of yours and ding ding his pants are off. he responds so easily to guidance

and his dancing skill always helps to get groovy with you

so

bust down markiana

you’re that bitch and you know it

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you and me, relax and ch...oking

leader on the streets 

screamer in the sheets

even the most peace-loving, noise-sensitive neighbors are going to dig the things that come out of his mouth as caused by you

just how good are his lungs

imagine him making audios for you. yes, god is real.

you just hit the lotto

the things his mouth can do 

byun baekhyun is a synonym of oral fixation when will merriam webster admit it

if there’s one person in super m who can nail the picture perfect drooling ahegao face without hesitation it’s him

he will pleasure you with his tongue so vigorously

that level of spit blowing will haunt you

and the slurpi—

THE NOISES. we can’t talk about the noises. nope, nope. the noises are not meant to be described to this world. 

you’ll suffer from incurable lust once you picture it

you know what his voice can cause

that would trigger a mass hysteria

anyway. moving on. 

baeks is the type to appreciate a mix of cheek-on-cheek cuddling and getting his brains banged out

you can toss him around, grab him by the hair, fuck him absolutely stupid

while also kissing his forehead and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. as if he doesn’t want you enough already this will have baekhyun needy for so long

he’s the king of slutty behavior

and making both of you crack up with mid-sex jokes about who knows what, suho’s butt mole or something

he’s just too hilarious. on the other hand he likes being creative and concentrated

in his free time you’ll probably find him reading erotic stories, sketching sexy stuff (i.e., well, you) in a journal, or even a manual to the kamasutra. it gets him all hot and bothered to the point where he can’t stop being chatty about it.

baekhyun’s arousal always first manifests as a wave of words or texts 

your part of the equation is distilling the essence of said texts and getting to work on that perky body of his

and praise him plenty. baekhyun loves a lot of verbal affirmations and you’re glad to shower him with it.

kink-wise: he really has a gazillion ideas to try

costumes, gags, whips, pet play, sounding, collars, semi-clothed sex, cock rings, suspensions, you name it

as the cherry on top, a three- and fourway could be part of your routine for sure. 

that being said he might have a few dicks in him physically or mechanically because geez bacon loves fucking machines and dildos

he is 100% ready to embark on one hell of an anal odyssey

how much he can stretch out you can probably guess. and he’ll make jokes about it either way to turn you on

you’ll be certain to exhaust and stuff your lil’ darling to the brim but i’m telling you what you already know

he’s gonna be the happiest ahegao boy in the world

and throw peace signs when you take pictures of him fucked out

that’s byunbaek for you. one of a kind

a subby gem

⌈ taemin

— motto: 500 points to slytherin! 

this is what you’ve been waiting for i know I KNOW

red carpets out for the sensual sub king and nation’s p.r.e.t.t.y. boy

the international bombshell blonde

a bdsm luminary

DEITY

now, listen. 

some erotic feats are truly hard to execute

but there is always one guy who’s the exception 

and his name is lee taemin

no matter how unrealistic or complex your imagination of sex with him is

with this man, most of it can become real

effortlessly

because he’s a) an open-minded lover b) rich enough to rent ten dungeons — per hour and c) closest to perfection we as a human race have ever come 

taemin is a pro at bringing all kinds of your and his fantasies to life. that’s why it’s important that you sit down to talk about how your intimate encounters could look like every other week

primarily, as far as his taste is concerned

we’ve all heard about his tales of creepypasta romance

literally he’s been an idol for so long and still comes up with new baffling ideal type stories

so according to those

he wants to be run over by you and thinks that’s hot,,, but i say... we stick to flipping him over... like on a bed,,, no car involved

this pal is macabre you have to be an embodiment of the law to rein him in

police roleplay much. arrest this provocateur!

furthermore and on a lighter note

besides being jailed

lo and behold, chained up and decked out in lace, draped on a lip-shaped art sofa is how he feels the most in his element

add a mask and a corset 

just how glamorous is he

this guy has mastered all techniques of drawing you in with the most elaborate seduction. 

tremendous!

including dance: for your eyes only. 

prepare to have your loins set on fire.

because within the 4 walls of your home his every move will be pure danger loaded with sexuality. it would be even more of a public menace than he already is when performed in front of a crowd

keep those handcuffs ready officer

because it is your mission to stop that guy 

the more restraints the better

put five harnesses on him i don’t care as long as it contains him

and once that’s done

taemin likes to be stimulated and teased with you running silk fabric all over his body

he also enjoys you creating artistic pin-up-esque photography of him

with sultry eyes and puckered lips

and no worries. taemin will put his plump lips to good use elsewhere, too. all. over. the. place. servicing his dominant is an honor.

and those moans will be like a melody.

the literal only weak spot he has

is to kiss and tell. taemin gets carried away in conversation and feels pride when the topic switches to you. so... if you lick his earlobe and call him your slave, jongin knows the very next day and finds it very entertaining. 

taemin won’t deliberately spill the beans in a group chat but one-on-one with a close friend? he’s too excited not to talk about your chemistry and lets some juicy details slip if he can’t control himself.

taemin requires a dom/me who’s definitely not insecure and wants others to know who’s boss.

on the flipside, if you enjoy voyeurism? he is your man. it’s a matter of perspective entirely.

so to speak — even his weakness is a strength.

that’s all you need to understand about him

in sum: you got yourself quite an ace 

taem will press your number and you’ll have no sorrow in the world.

we truly are blessed by his existence

peace out

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2019. all rights reserved. do not repost.

[elecman108]

Man, I forgot to post 90% of my art here for the past while. I’m gonna do an art dump in this post under the cut. Enjoy the bonk emoji if you don’t click the read more, and man am I dumb and forgetful lmao.

Includes: OCs getting names, a Sonic impression, a D&D map, homosexual energies, a sheep floating in the astral sea, a birthday drawing I already posted, Hex Maniac Ender, D&D Characters, D&D Characters as Miis in Miitopia, Little Hater Axel, local Demon in the consciousness of my D&D character yelling at him, illegal plants, a necromancer being cute, an actual event that happened in a D&D game two days ago, and Mermay drawing.

That’s everything in here as a TL;DR, I guess. Enjoy your day!

I’m gonna try and sort of have them in chronological order, oldest first, but I may end up putting them in the wrong order. If I do... Whoops, I guess?

[04/14/21] - This isn’t really new art, but I started to work on giving the four OCs of mine without a full name full names... I have not finished this bit, though. So Hunter and Akira have full names, and Warlock and Assassin only have temporary names. This may end up like Seven where I put in their names as a temporary name (7th OC I’d made at that time) and it just kind of... sticks. Lmao.

[04/20/21] - Alone on a Friday Night? God, you’re pathetic. I didn’t colour this one because it was a half-attempt at a meme image I still like it, though, so I might end up colouring it. It’s gonna appear again whenever I do my “unfinished drawings art dump” at some point probably in... June? I know I said I’d post them last month but forget it, lmao, it’ll happen eventually.

[04/20/21] - A D&D Map! This was to help me visualize the layout of my D&D character’s ship he used to be on. Also for my DM if they ever put us aboard the ship. The little fella in the corner is just there to vibe. This map is made of free to use assets from This Website, so while I’m gonna say DONT USE MY MAP WITHOUT PERMISSION, feel free to make your own!

[04/26/21] - Lesbian Day of Visibility drawing of yours truly, the disapointment! That’s... really all I have to say about this, honestly. It was just for that one day and that was it, lmao. I mean, I accidentally lined it in dark pink, so.. .That’s different, I guess?

[04/30/21] - Do Astral Seas dream of Ensorcled Sheep? Does the City know what Sheepleb is going to do? What crimes he may commit? Who knows! This was fan art of Critical Role ep. 134 if I remember correctly, right at the end when they jumped into the portal into the astral sea and Caleb was a sheep. Using my knowledge of the German language, I knew the word for “shit”, and had to use it.

[05/07/21] - This was already posted, but it’s going in here to dilinuate that it was drawn at this point. Also, aside from playing Miitopia, this is all I have to show for myself until the 12th.

[05/12/21] - Hex Maniac Ender challenges you to a Pokemon Battle! WIll you win against my team? My sis, who loves fairy types, pointed out to me that there’s a fairy girl and hex maniac duo, so I’d be the hex maniac. I spent... Over a week drawing this, because I basically had to redraw the Hex Maniac art from scratch in a higher quality size, and then draw myself over it. So... You can excuse the low-effort background for once. It was basically this, and then my birthday doodle from May 1st to May 12th, and then I took a break to draw up several D&D characters quickly for fullbody references.

[05/12/21] - Remember this art I made several months ago? I finally added my other two completed characters! I have three more named but without character sheet D&D characters, so for now this is just Kara, Axel, Golden Shadow, Kau, Cecillia, and Miri. Kress, Tempest, and Melia will have to wait until I make character sheets for them to be posted, and... For when I probably make more D&D characters. I have at least 9 additional, incomplete character ideas floating around, so... I’m never gonna be done this art, huh?

[05/12/21] - Speaking of D&D characters, did you know I’ve been making them as Miis in Miitopia? So here is their finished full body art next to their Miitopia self! Some of them look a little off (Golden Shadow, Cecillia) because of limitations of the editor and shading issues, some of them look a little off (Kau, Kress) because this is a human face canvas that I’m using to make a non-human face, and some of them (Melia, Axel) look REALLY GOOD. Common traits among my D&D characters include green eyes and tall. You wanna know why? Because I am tall and... despite having red eyes, I do have green eyes under the coloured contacts.

[05/15/21] - More D&D stuff! This is based around my D&D group’s current Rime of the Frostmaiden campaign where our Goliath Fighter, Nioh, ends up getting a little bit of hate for being cocky, and our little (well over 6′) hater, Axel, is just a man full of irritation. These are the tallest two characters of the group at the moment. Someone send help. Nioh belongs to one of the other D&D players, Axel (and his stupid additude) belongs to me.

[05/15/21] - This is what me playing D&D feels like. Me, the demon entity trapped inside the head of my D&D character, yelling at them to do things while the dice decide that they’re gonna get bopped a hundred times by a yeti and somehow still survive. This is also a reference to our first or second game where I just ran off like sixty feet to one side of the battle map to fight a Crag Cat and was just in Gay Baby Jail until like two turns later when I could run back to the others. I also drew him not in his winter gear even though this is a bit from when we were atop Kelvin’s Carin in an icy cave, so maybe that’s why he’s at low HP.

[05/15/21] - Melia has good gardening tips, such as Use A Mars Mii Trap To Hide A Body Because They Are Endangered And It Is Illegal To Dig Them Up. I love her a lot, because she’s the youngest of four, all four sisters based around the different seasons. She’s based around Autumn, so she’s all orange and yellow and brown and is so cute. Also she’s Chaotic Neutral, as if she didn’t need to be mildly more threatening.

[05/15/21] - Cecillia is my Tiefling gal who lived in a very northern town plagued by cold weather and snow, and Axel is my Pirate guy who spent most of his time further south on the high seas and warmer weather. So, naturally... I’ll use the guy more acclimatized to the hotter weather in the campaign where we spend 99% of it in the snow. She uses Tarot Cards as her spell focus, and I decided to sneak my other D&D characters onto her Tarot cards so naturally, Axel is The Hanged Man, given his backstory and personality. She’s a very cheerful and friendly Tiefling Necromancer of the Hexblade, so she’d for sure take care of those around her to ensure their success. Especially if they’re on her Tarot Cards, and their spirit comes to her aid when she asks for them.

[05/16/21] - Content Warning; Ryma thinks too much into local stupid moron’s lack of knowing how to answer a question and thinks too much into the reputation of Pirates. Poor Axel, man doesn’t know how to socialize with people who aren’t pirates and is used to being hostile towards everyone, so when he’s asked a question that his answer to is “uhh... no?”, he panics and ends up making a mistake that leads him to think that Ryma can read his mind. Ryma belongs to another of the D&D players. I guess me drawing all those spicy Cow Costumed OCs earlier just brought me to drawing Axel being a bottom in this, huh?

[05/16/21] - It’s Mermay, which means more OC drawings! Here’s Theo after drinking some potion that turned him into a mermaid, and Seven, tiredly, collecting his stupid boyfriend so that Lailah can fix the fact he’s turned into a mermaid. Mer!Theo is based around his sword’s colours of indigo-purple with red accents, which looks a little weird since Theo is the Blue one of the group, but... it looks cool, I guess. Seven’s just the same outfit as always, just no gloves this time.

--

And that’s it for the art dump! This was, frankly, MASSIVE. I’ll try and remember to upload both on Twitter and Tumblr at the same time, but... Ah... I have been drawing a fair bit. Just mostly sketches and linework that I haven’t finished and may not actually finish. If they’re not completed, I’ll dump them all into something at the end of the month or whatever. Maybe you’ll get the old sketch of the Axel face in panel 3 because in the sketch phase it was an Ahegao face, in the clean sketch it was a lip bite, and in the linework and final it’s just horny face. lmao.

Top ten things I have to remember for drawing: AXEL HAS A SCAR AND GREEN EYES. I remember his eye colour now, but if you look at his fullbody ref, he’s got brown eyes. And, naturally, I keep forgetting to put in his scar. He has more, but most of them are located in areas covered by his clothes. So if I ever draw him shirtless I guess I’ll have to place them somewhere.

Also maybe finish the reference sheets I have left to finish so I can post more of them, since I have two “Pets” completed (Roko and Mona’s nameless pet), but I have to do up Hunter, Warlock, Assassin, Akira, Myuut, and Stella. I’m betting when I do complete two more, it’ll be Hunter and Akira. Those two are the most fun to draw, at least.

[ranmanjuu]

Could you write some hc’s for a zombie apocalypse au? Can you write it for Sasuke, Mitsunari and Ranmaru? Thank you!!! ☆*:. o(≧▽≦)o .:*☆

hey op are you a mind reader because this’s actually been an idea of mine for a while now (but again, lack of motivation hsaglhsa) and i’m ???? (also my three most favorite characters i’m !!!!) thank you for enabling me. it’s a bit different than what i had in mind for the original fic and it has just a liiil bit of world building details but enjoy!

—sasuke:

sasuke works in what they call the “safe zone”, ran by the government. you yourself never did go there—a decision well-made, in your opinion. rumor’s spread through the city that every day a good number of people were kicked out due to lack of resources, and their workers being put through hell to also not get fired and thrown out. but you never really did regard it as either true or otherwise.

it didn’t matter to you—until you met sasuke.

he’d been faring rather well, with footsteps silent as ever. it was the matter of food, water, shelter. the needs of his body would kill him before the zombies did—the simple matter of even eating a contaminated piece of candy could mean the end for him.

and there you found him, in a dark alleyway, fading in and out of consciousness; hungry, weak, cold, dirty—you didn’t think it through when you dragged his body to where you stayed.

it’s too late, you thought, watching his body wrapped in layers of blankets writhe awake, might as well let him stay for a bit.

as soon as sasuke could sit up, you immediately gave him food and water. snacks were better than nothing. as his body desperately gobbled the food up (he tried to cover it, but to no avail), you explained what happened.

“. . . as soon as you’re done, grab the set of clothes there and leave.” even words as cold as yours were said, the slight hesitance pooling in your eyes said otherwise. if he noticed, he never commented.

instead, he asked you while you were heading to the door, “and where are you going, if i may ask?”

“. . . fix the power outlet.” you answered warily; you never knew what people could do with information. you hated the distrust, but it was a given at times. “autumn’s coming, it’s gonna be cold.”

and you thought it was the end, worst case scenario is he’d sabotage you. but you tried to stave off the suspicion—

“i can go along, if you want. i know how they operate.” you stopped your tracks, silently looking back to sasuke and making your judgement for the decision. “i’m fairly knowledgeable with electronics.” he explained further.

your heart and mind weighed the offer. on one hand, so far you’ve been fooling around and picking up things with trial and error. on the other hand, it’d be easy for him to make it shit for you. a sigh, you grabbed a crowbar and half-assedly pointed it at him, “okay, i’ll stave off the zombies. i see you doing fuck-all, it’s over.”

even at your threat (one you hated to make, at that), sasuke’s expression remained stoic with a nod, “i understand.”

you watched his movements with hawk’s eyes, while decapitating any approaching undeads. but the swarm grew bigger and bigger—you thought security was better than this, but oh well. it’s not something you can’t deal with.

even so—you hurt your leg. prosthetic one, lost in a reckless accident and replaced with a stiff and quite low-quality metallic one. “fuck—” you scowled, looking behind at sasuke for a moment, “are you done?”

“——yes.” a brief answer, “let’s get out now—” with surprising agility, he grabbed your hand and fled the scene.

you were mildly pissed at those walking corpses for crushing your prosthetic leg, it’d take a while to trade with someone out there to repair it, if you couldn’t do a shitty job of it yourself.

but to your mild surprise, sasuke knew how to do it. just a few scraps of whatever piece there was lying about, some tools, and it’d be fine, he said. the usual wave of distrust fell over you—but it somehow felt easier to agree and leave it up to him. a repayment of sort.

and over time, it seems like the universe made an effort to put excuses for sasuke to stay, whether it’d be ventilation problems, electrical, mechanical  —it was impressive, no doubt. you’d soon take him in permanently under the guise of him being useful (but it’s more of sympathy really, you’re aware of that fact.)

and even on the off-time, you spent most of it talking to him. silence ringing around the rooms with occasional guttural growls of the zombies weren’t the best atmosphere, so to say. but he’d often crack jokes (which earned a nose exhale, or chuckles on a good day).

he’d tell you about his experience working in the equally suffocating safe zone—everyone’s working for themselves and friends don’t exist much, as you understood it. a dog eat dog world, where everyone scrambles to be the most useful and cram their brains to the brim while distrusting everyone.

and you felt a semblance of relatability in his detachment to people—but why does it secretly hurt for you? the thought of him dismissing your bond. . .

it hurts; you don’t know why.

and of course, he has more knowledge about zombies than the ones you just pick up from experience. in fact, it’s been a speculation that the virus withheld the body from decomposing—but not limiting it. in a about a year, he guessed, they’d rot away.

“does. . .does that mean this can end if they drop and infections decrease?” you asked, letting the curtain crack open to hope.

“. . .best case scenario, yes.” even as his face remain mostly stoic, you see the crinkles of hope, melancholy, happiness.

you don’t recall how you got to the decision—not a logical stream of thought at least. it jumped like an instinct for you to just propose it, nothing else— “sasuke, you wanna stay with me until then?”

a look of surprise overcame your hushed question, so filled with long-lost warmth. but similarly, the answer came immediately, “of course.” his hand reached to yours, tender and soft, the most you’ve felt in forever, “i’ll stay. face the past, present, and future with you.”

—mitsunari:

a strategist wasn’t a job common in modern times, but it’s one mitsunari’s taken during the apocalypse. securing paths, ways to efficiently scout out, etc. that’s why to say he was utterly baffled when a major breach reached his group—the oda—flooded the zombies inside.

the last thing clearly in his mind was hideyoshi’s firm order. the blur of rotten flashed around, the words echoed around, “everyone, flee immediately!”

and so he did. perhaps farther than he planned at first with the enormous swarm behind him. no matter where, it wasn’t safe—until he didn’t even know clearly where he was. and he’d remember the city layout, along with some areas outside of it.

he’s lost.

analyzing every path that he could take, his mind was too overtaken to realize a zombie spying overhead. only once the slight sounds of rasped growls did he notice—

and even so, a loud crack got it away from him. it’s dead now, he realized, and right beside the bloodied corpse was you.

“what are you doing, just standin’ here?” you asked, a small sign of irritation by the scowl on your face visible. but it remained flying over mitsunari’s head, even after you sigh, “it doesn’t matter—not now. come on, follow me.”

his surprise quickly dissipated as soon as you made your way into the twists and curves of an alleyway. you’re well-versed of here, he noted.

he took notice of many things on the way, how you’re always well armed with knowledge of the zombies weak spots, how they’re sensitive to noise, how you seemed to know which path would crumble if stepped on.

only when he entered where you stayed, a safe place, was he painfully aware how worn and tired his body felt—and you did too, quickly sitting him down and handing some snacks while also asking things about him. who he was, why he was there, so on.

he explained the breach, the split of his group, how he ended up here and you listened to every detail with your own cogs working along with his. “and where was your base?”

“nearby lake biwa.” mitsunari didn’t know where he was, but the way your face scrunched up didn’t seem too good.

“how did you even get here? lake biwa’s a good three cities—ah, fuck.” the constant tapping of your fingers did few to stave off either worry or just mild irritation, you didn’t know yourself. “and if you really did flee, there’s a chance they went in separate directions, too.”

he listened in you assessment, already making plans on how to search around in his head. but your proposition slightly baffled him—

“i’ll help you find whoever this group is.” with words that sounded kind, the slight discontent in your face went unnoticed by the other.

you yourself didn’t understand—years of wariness and distrust has led you to distance yourself from everyone—but why was it different with him?

“there is no need—”  /  “come on, it’s easier with two people right? you’ll go quicker.”

though words often harsh, mitsunari was a master in dismissing that with cluelessness. each time you declined that you wanted to help him because you wanted to, you kept saying it’s to be faster. but it didn’t matter to him, you were helping, and he cherished that.

days went on, with some city maps sprawled across the floor written on it some routes to search for. and maybe filling the air with conversation from time to time lifted your heart just a bit.

you’ve caught on his horrible self-care habits a long time ago. even as he’s very well-versed in most subjects (amazingly so,) he still read whatever book you had. and you’ve experienced his reading-trance.

you’d often scold him each time—especially in the instance of an expedition where he gets caught up in planning. even forgetting to eat would result in a disappointed gaze from you (rightfully so in your opinion, these were times of desperation from starvation). but he was improving.

you find yourself opening up to him, for the first time in a long one. the thought of sleeping in the presence of another made you revolt originally; but you felt safe with him.

soon, both of you’s efforts weren’t for nothing. traces of his group—”nobunaga” and “hideyoshi”, he told you—was temporarily taking base on the outskirts of the next city.

and suddenly, the concept of him leaving you created a pit of darkness inside. you’ll be alone, the walls will no longer echo your laughs and his soft voice; but instead silence.

from then on, you find each day a small struggle for it to stretch as long as possible. staying up just so you could feel being near mitsunari while awake, clinging onto whatever you could for now. it hurts, more than anything you’ve felt—but it’d be selfish for you to take him from the thing he’s spent this much time searching.

but the world wasn’t known for mercy, it never was since forever. time flowed as normal, and the day came. “. . .pack up a bit. it’s gonna be a long journey, and we’ll need to stay in some shitty abandoned house.” your voice came as a silent croak. mitsunari wasn’t often aware of picking up hints—but he was painfully aware now.

“. . .and why do you look so sad?” his words were spoken with gentle sadness, a tad bit of melancholy. as much as you wanted to avoid it for less damage to your heart, he already took your chin to tilt it to his face. you never wanted to say goodbye to his twinkling lilac eyes, it was the closest to warmth you’ve felt.

slowly. . .you were crying, sobbing. each shake from your shoulders sent painful stabs to mitsunari’s heart. and even as you were hurting—both of you were—you wrapped your arms around his, diving your nose to his chest.

“. . .i-i’m happy. . for you. i really am—.”

you didn’t remember anything else of that night, only the tender voice he spoke to you akin to bells from heaven jingling.

the next day, and the day after, the rest of the oda were found. overwhelmed by the many faces you didn’t know, you simply sat back and watched what would be your eventual farewell. you didn’t listen into what they were talking about; it didn’t matter much. at least you’d see him smile like that one last time.

only when he turned to you were you brought back to reality, staring with those earnest purple eyes. you know the others were observing in silence, you didn’t pay attention to it. only mitsunari. . .the one you. . .l-loved?

. . .yeah. you loved him.

he made his way to you. once you faced each other, he gently lifted your hands in his, and brought it to his chest. you felt the beats, ba-dump ba-dump, fast against his clothes.

“this may not be an easy request to ask of you. . .” he started. the fondness were now pooling in his eyes, and you were sure it was the same for you, “but. . . would you please stay with us. . .? my heart feels heavy of leaving you.”

—ranmaru:

it pained him, more than anything in his life. he wasn’t sure which would feel better, if the oda died and otherwise. from a breach that he caused. ranmaru wants to just disappear—but that wouldn’t be fair for a traitor like him, he didn’t deserve such mercy. he’s supposed to return to kennyo one way or another, but he just couldn’t. his legs kept on running and running—perhaps not from the zombies, but from his own swallowing fears and hatred for himself. it felt absolutely revolting to be in his own skin right now.

and for a moment, ranmaru considered if it was better. to just succumb to the pack of zombies in front of him. he knows how to fight them, maybe improv his way out—but he doesn’t want to. and just as his muscles fell limp in an act of surrender—

BANG—!

and that was the first time he saw of you; on the other side of the conglomeration of rotten flesh, gun pointed up to the air with no trace of fear or regret. and quickly, the attention of the zombies were quickly taken from him, and onto you.

and he felt the fear for you, you shouldn’t’ve done that for him. . .!

even so, there was nothing he could do. the last of he saw you then was you mouthing a clear word to him: “run.”

he did, and so did you. ranmaru’s mind screamed, scraping at the walls of his insides to not, but instinct and adrenaline took control more than anything.

he didn’t know where he was running—but wherever it was, you miraculously found him. and you managed to drag him to your base, no matter how many times he rejected.

as soon as you two arrive, he’s much more reserved than usual. not that you’d know, you just consider it normal to be that much quiet from a near death experience. you gave him food, a set of clothes, and water. but as time went on, you noticed he didn’t so much as touch it.

eventually, you had to push him to do it, even if his body felt sickening to its core. slowly, ranmaru told you little bits of his story, leaving out many parts (like the fact he was the orchestrating traitor). and just like mitsunari, you find an unknown source inside you just. . . allowing yourself to help him.

and because ranmaru wasn’t as much a strategist as mitsunari was, your execution was a lot more of wandering than anything.

and during those outings, you start to notice how weirdly capable he is. he’s switched back to his cheery, bubbly self, yes. but you catch how he’s so skilled with swords, sneaking around in inhumane silence. you waved your first encounter as a product of turmoil, and that he was as fragile that he framed himself, but. . .

the thought of him being a traitor to you, putting up a mask like that, it settled a churning feeling in your stomach. you’ve gotten so used to, enjoying even, his hugs and rambles—nights that were previously spent sleeplessly, just staring out the window and to the shit world splayed across it, were now filled with talks about silly and pointless things.

it reminded you of how it was before all this.

just like young school friends having a sleepover, you found a happiness and light feeling in you that was buried since quite a while.

along with that were times where you got serious. it wasn’t often, ranmaru would try to change the subject. but you were your own stubbornness; running away from something wasn’t a good way to go, you knew this.

and you’d always be aware of how his eyes seemed like a dark pit of untouched emotions. like the mere existence of the conversation was weighing him down a thousand pounds.

to add, you pick up on some inconsistencies to his stories. . .first he said  that the loud speakers in the building overrode the zombies’ sensitivity to sound and caused them to break everything like the windows and doors (even the locked ones, he added), then he said that it was because they were open in the first place. how he says only one person withheld the keys to certain places, then he said how said places were miraculously open later on. . .

you came to just a small conclusion.

“then, there’s a traitor, right?”

your words were toned in a way that was like just a throwaway line—unimportant, irrelevant—but ranmaru still tensed up, like a deer in headlights. fear, anxiety, regret; it all chipped away at him slowly.

and you’ve been friends for a good time now—you caught this. and it wasn’t just surprise either, it’s like he secretly knew.

in the end, an answer was never said. he just called it a night, and you let him.

it’ll be resolved in the morning, you thought, going back to your worn out mattress. and, just like many nights, you simply stared out at the sky with a mostly blank mind.

but then, you heard footsteps.

unstable, but not the way a zombie’s would. it’s not disarrayed, and they couldn’t get up anyway, not with all the security you set up. it can only be a human’s then. . .

you grabbed your crowbar, and silently left your room. a dark figure stood in the hallway, silently making their way to the stairs next floor. before you pursued, you tilted your head to ranmaru’s room.

it’s open, and empty.

your steps became quicker and quicker, hoping nothing bad happens as each staircase brought a chain of doubt and anxiety over you.

the rooftop. the figure—who you assume is ranmaru—stood in silence over the edge. the moon and stars’ light shone on them, and it was your dear friend. the soft purple-pinkish hair dusted over his head so perfectly, played by the breeze.

“ranmaru.” you called out. his body flinched. “what are you doing here. .?”

for a moment, he didn’t respond. you saw how his shoulders shook while his overall self was trying to make him as small as possible, but no words were said.

“answer me,” you took a step, hesitant, “please.”

“. . .i’m sorry.”

his voice was quiet, cracked, as if it could shatter at any moment. what were you supposed to do, seeing your dearest friend on the edge like that. . .?! all you could was reach your hand out—and take his.

“wh—” before he could say anything, you pull him into your arms, wrapping them securely around him. his shuddered breaths, then turned into sobs and cries. slowly and weakly, the hug was returned.

“. . .what am i supposed to do?” he sound so horribly lost, afraid, your own heart was ripping. “everything i do—the food tastes like sand in my mouth, every step feels wrong to take, i—i don’t know what to do!”

ranmaru broke down in front of you, and you let him. words were slurring into thoughtless ramblings and rants. there wasn’t a thing you understood completely, but—

“please, ranmaru, i. . .” your arms tightened around him. he’s alive, he’s safe. “please stay with me. we’ll get through this, just—i beg you, stay.”

[op-peccatori]

The Spider and the (Butter)fly | MLQC Lucien | Kinktober: October 20th

Prompts: Deep-throating || Roleplay || Object Insertion 

THE THIRST IS ALIVE! Submission number 5 for @alloveroliver​’s Kinktober celebration!!!! 

Fandom: Mr Love: Queen’s Choice

Pairing: Reader/Lucien

Rating: 18+

Word count: 3700

Warnings/tags: explicit smut and language, oral sex, deep-throating, fingering, role-play, teacher and (college) student 

a/n: I forgot they were role-playing halfway into it. also I made a moodboard!!

You stand outside the office, eyes squeezed shut and folders clutched to your chest with nervousness.

There aren’t many people in the building at this time, but it isn't completely deserted. There are students who pass you by, some flashing you sympathetic smiles and others not seeing you at all. A professor looks quite puzzled at the sight of you. 

Technically, you shouldn’t be here. But, the thought of going back home with your failure terrifies you and you have to at least try to avoid that. So you’ll stand here for the next two days if that’s what it takes, and use whatever weapon is available to you. 

With a quick glance around, you whip out a compact mirror to check on the state of your lipstick, deciding it was a good idea to forego the highlighter after all.

The echo of his footsteps reaches you before he does, and you look up at him with a sheepish smile. “Professor!” He blinks at you, giving you a quick once over, the suspicious glint in his eye immediately giving way to comprehension. . You keep your expression innocent, even as fear makes your heart dance to a terrible tune.

“Ms. ___. Still here?” he asks. His expression is neutral, but slight exasperation bleeds into heliotrope eyes. His dark hair stands out against the pale walls, his thin lips pursing at having to delay his departure for the day.

“Yes, Professor. I was uh, wondering if I could talk to you about something,” you say meekly. Your eyes remain glued to his cap-toe derbies, still a shiny black after the long day. It says a lot about the man himself. You have never seen him lose his composure, not even when a student tries their best to get under his skin - which is uncommon. Most students adore him, or as you like to put it, they're happy to linger in his web. You can't blame them.

There's an intimidating man behind the smiling eyes. Brilliant and charismatic yes, but there's an unnerving quality to him, in your opinion. Being in his presence, on your own, is intoxicating. It always leaves you on edge, feeling guilty for the filthy thoughts it brings. You glance up at him for a moment only to see him peering down at you, eyes cloudy with tiredness behind clear glass.

He nods and goes into his office, closing the door behind him. You wait for a whole minute before it opens again. 

“Come in.” You watch him take a seat behind his desk as you walk through the door. His office is always clean, his things stacked neatly and in their places. His jacket is draped on the back of his chair, leaving him in a simple white button-up, sleeves rolled up to the forearms. You’re very aware of your own carefully selected outfit, the makeup applied with painful precision, the confidence you weaved with your own tongue in anticipation of this meeting. He barely gives you a look, however, and it leaves disappointment swirling in your stomach. “Take a seat.” 

You hurry to do so, sinking down into the chair across from him, the safety of his desk between you both. The first two buttons of his shirt are popped open, and you have to put more effort into not staring at the patch of milky skin than you'd like to admit. A glimpse of his collarbones is enough to dry your mouth, and you curse yourself. 

“I’m so, so sorry, Professor. I know it’s getting late–“ He waves of your words with a careless wag of his hand, and your eyes dart to his long fingers before you exercise some of the self-control you pretend to have. 

“Yet, you’re here anyway. So, what can I do for you, Ms. ____?” He laces his fingers together and rests his chin on them. You’re struck silent by the exquisite picture he makes, for a long moment. 

“It’s about my grade,” you say weakly. He does not look surprised at all. “Professor, I’m not the first student to come talk to you about this, I know. But I really, really must ask if you can reconsider.”

“I understand, Ms. ____. However, maybe you should’ve studied harder instead of giggling during class with the captain of the basketball team. Perhaps then you wouldn’t have to be here, hmm?” He doesn’t even look at you, seemingly studying an open file in front of him. 

You sputter, a mortified blush painting your cheeks. It’s true, you usually partner with Kyle in his class. Cute, funny, charming Kyle who always tries to make you laugh and succeeds most of the time. But to think Professor Lucien has noticed it enough to point it out like this...it’s embarrassing, yet something to consider. Once you're home.

Ugh, and he’s getting snappy. Maybe it was a bad idea to try this now. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be any easier to convince him just because the man is tired. 

“It’s just – I did work really hard on this assignment. I don’t understand how I...” 

He sighs heavily at the flustered response. “It’s not the end of the world. You still have time to make up for it.” 

“But Professor, it's still going to affect my overall–“ He snaps the file shut. 

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. Just work harder next time.” The tone of finality freezes your heart. You feel lost, scrambling to think of something, anything to persuade him.  How do you convince someone like him? Unfazed, poised, formidable are the words thrown around when he's the topic of conversation. You're an average student barely passing his class. The idea comes to you in a burst of desperation, something you laughed at when Willow suggested it as a joke, something you only dare to think of in daydreams, where he usually comes to you with seductive words and clever fingers as his primary weapons. You never do resist too much even in those reveries, always too quick to drop your skirts, eager to feel him touch you where you allow no one else.

But you’ve come here with a plan; if you think back to all the times you’ve caught him looking at you, it doesn’t seem that ridiculous. You know the difference between wishful thinking and reality; there's no way you imagined the cold glare flashing on his face when he saw you giggling at Kyle's antics, his lingering stares when you wear that white sundress. Or maybe you’re just flattering and digging yourself a cold grave...but it’s worth a try. 

Your back straightens, shoulders rolling back in an effort to relieve tension.

“Nothing?” The way his brow cocks should be branded as illegal. 

“Ms. ___?” 

“There’s really nothing I can do?” you ask, voice dropping low and suggestive; you bite your lip, gazing at him beseechingly. He swallows, following the motion and you smell blood. “I'll do...anything you ask, Professor.” 

“Ms. ___.” His voice is sharp with a warning. But he hasn’t asked you to leave. His eyes grow darker, framed by inky bangs and square frames that he takes off to fold and place on his desk.

“Professor Lucien, please.” You stand up, eyes wide and all too ready. “Just-I’ll do anything, I will! Whatever you want.” 

He looks at you slack-jawed, your breath quick and anxious. You’ve crossed a line, you know that. But will it get you what you want? The question of what you really want grows more muddled with every second, distorted by the flashes of darkness slipping past his composure and your own desire.

He watches you from beneath thick lashes. “Anything, you say?” You nod with slight hesitation. “Do you realize what you’re suggesting?” 

“I do.” 

His eyes slip down to the bare skin of your thighs before he, with visible effort, shifts them back to your face. “Ms. ___, I understand that you’re desperate. It makes us do stupid things. Which is why I’ll forget this ever happened. Now, leave before I...find myself less inclined to be so kind.” His eyes close in a clear dismissal. But he doesn't look angry, he looks like a man who can barely control himself, barely restrain himself from touching something he shouldn't.

He’s going to have to let you be the judge of that.

Nodding to yourself, you don’t say a word as you walk to the door, your thoughts assembling in place like a round of Tetris that you’ve just won. You hear him sigh and lean back in his chair, thinking you've come to your senses. You don’t say a word when you turn the lock, your heart pounding in your chest, the want now outweighing the desperation. 

There’s a heavy silence in the room, punctuated by more glimpses of something wild behind his mask.

“Alright then. Come here.” Your stomach clenches at the command; his pupils are blown, his hand patting his thigh. He rolls his chair back to put some space between him and the desk as you walk over to him, this time to stand in front of him. Your knees brush his. “Sit.” 

He parts his legs so you can sit delicately on his thigh, his hand coming to rest on your waist. Neither of you looks away from the other. You feel as if you’ve walked into the spider’s web, ready to be consumed. 

“You’re a lot bolder than I thought, Ms. ___,” he murmurs, husky enough to send flashes straight to your groin. The smirk curving along his mouth is knowing, and your hand curls over his shoulder, broad and real. "I never took you for a risk-taker."

“I’m...sorry, Professor. I had to try,” you say, timid and unsure but privately turned on. You’re entranced by the effect his low chuckle has on his face, squirming slightly on your seat.

“It’s not a bad thing,” he assures you. But he doesn’t do anything. His other hand just rests on your leg, rubbing small circles into your skin, your mind going into overdrive at the touch. “Just pleasantly surprising. Tell me...are you really that desperate for a better grade?"

You can't bring yourself to form a response.

"We could find another way. Or maybe, just this once, I could change it..." he suggests, withdrawing his touch, much to your displeasure. "You're a hard-worker, I know that."

"No! No, Professor, I...I want to. Work for it. Like this."

"I see." He looks pleased by your hidden admission.

You adjust yourself on his lap, watching him watch you. He's patient as he weaves a net of desire around you, but you don't feel trapped. He waits for you to make the first move, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering chaotically at the thought of finally touching him.

Your hand cups his cheek, thumb tracing a sharp cheekbone. It traces the slight curve of his lip, and then you lean in, breath stuttering as you press your lips to his chastely. And again and again, in light brushes - it feels like the slow rush of a sweet drug, a fog settling around your thoughts before his fingers tangle in your hair, and his tongue begins to chart the lines of your mouth. You moan and your lips part to invite him in. You taste coffee and something that is very intimately him, flicking your tongue against his with increasing enthusiasm. His arm winds tighter around your waist as he holds you to him, plundering your mouth with more greed than the pirates of legend. 

You have no thoughts to spare for grades, only for ways to make him touch you more.

"You taste so sweet, Ms. ___," he breathes, hot and damp on your lips. Your teeth graze his lower lip in response. 

He turns you around so you’re facing the desk, now sitting between his legs, his firm chest pressed to your back and buries his nose in your hair. He inhales deeply, a low sound hitting the back of his throat. Your legs are wide open, falling on either side of his, his arm around your stomach strong to keep you upright against him.

The vulnerability crawls in, at your legs spread wide like this, the Professor's body moulding itself to yours, caging you in his arms.

Professor Lucien tugs down the neckline of your top low enough to unveil your breasts, adorned with baby pink velvet that he clearly fancies if his pleased hum is any indication or the curious swipe of his finger against the soft material. He fondles a breast experimentally, just to hear you moan, and pulls it out of the cloth. A roll of your nipple has you arching into him with a whimper, your ass dragging against his crotch. You don’t miss the quick suck of his breath, the helpless buck of his erection into you before he’s back in control. 

The tiny crack in his composure thrills you, makes you want to turn around and roll your hips until you make him come in his pants, until he calls you by name and all the other sweet nicknames you've imagined him saying. You know you can. But you’re not in charge here, you remind yourself. The soft but lethal brush of his fingers on the inside of your thighs help with the reminder. 

“Tell me, Ms. ___, did you select this outfit just for me?” he asks, voice surprisingly even, his breath warm against the shell of your ear. His hand caresses the soft curve of your waist, relaxing you. His hand bunches up your skirt carefully, and you jerk in his grasp when he cups your mound. “Shh. No need to be nervous. I won’t hurt you.” His palm grinds into you and your hips buck away, but you have nowhere to go. “I asked you a question.” 

“Ah, Professor. I...I thought you might like it,” you admit with flaming cheeks. He laughs into your neck, nuzzling it gently. 

“I do. Very thoughtful of you. And convenient,” he purrs and you’re confused for a second. “So you like being a little tease, do you?”

“I-Professor-“ you whimper, struggling harder when he presses firmly on your clit, just for a second. He sighs deeply next to your ear, faux disappointment evident in his exhale. 

“Use your words, Ms ___. Do you enjoy tempting me, testing the limits of my control in every class? Tormenting me with little peeks of the temptress you keep hidden?” 

"No, no..."

"Liar," he breathes, his tone more wicked than angry. "But I'm flattered you went to such lengths just to have an excuse to do this."

As an accompaniment to the disclosure, his finger slips past velvet and slick folds at the same time his other hand covers your mouth, muffling your loud cry at the intrusion. He fingers you deftly, a long finger sliding in and out of your tight heat as you squirm and moan on his lap. “Pretty, pretty girl. You’re so wet already. How often have you thought about this?” 

He plays you like a devoted musician, a tireless conductor to the orchestra of your combined passions. It’s a delicious burn, and you want to share the sheer agony of it with him. The second he slides a finger into your mouth, intent on imitating the one down below, your lips latch onto it. You suck softly, tongue caressing and gliding, his soft groan needy and weak in your ear. Arousal thrums through you harder, the power you have over this extraordinary man making you tremble, giving you strength and ideas.

“Professor –“ you moan and he bites the lobe of your ear, another finger sliding in to torment you.

“I’ve thought about it too, you know. Bending you over my desk, taking you, tasting you, marking you.” His voice is gruff with desire and you moan incoherently as his fingers curl, rubbing your velvety walls roughly. You clutch at his wrist helplessly, tilting your neck and widening your legs to give him more access. All you can do is come apart in his arms, inch by inch, your fingers twitching with the urge to help him get you where you need to be. Once again displaying his ostensible talent for telepathy, his thumb presses down on your swollen nub. "Unraveling you."

You can just barely process his words, the pleasure coiled so tightly it's on the verge of combustion, aided by his thumb working your clit slowly, then furiously as you rock frantically into his hand. Your orgasm bursts with blinding stars behind your eyelids, your body bowing and writhing as if you can barely fit in it, before you go boneless in his arms. “Brilliant. That was beautiful, Ms. ___," he coos, fingers sliding out of you, settling your skirt back in place. Your head tilts back to lean on his shoulder and you watch him lick his fingers clean with a satisfied smile. His erection is hard against your ass, and you want to touch it, spoil him. 

“How do I taste, Professor?” you ask, your smile coy.

The answering look in his eyes is predatory. “Divine.”

Turning to face him completely, you end up straddling his thigh, and the firm pressure of muscle against your sensitive sex sends something electric climbing through your veins. It scrambles your brains for a moment and you have to pull yourself together, allowing him to place a lingering kiss on your lips.

“Professor,” you plead. He looks like...well, like someone who just spent some time with his mouth glued to yours, with messy hair and your favourite lipstick on his mouth. It’s a good look on him. “Professor, tell me what to do.”

“Are you sure?” 

"Please. I want to touch you, please you.” You palm the bulge at his crotch, delighting in the way he hisses. Your mouth quirks up before you continue. “I’ll work hard. I’ll be a good student.” 

Lucien swallows heavily. “Get on your knees.” You’re more obedient than you’ve ever been in your life, slipping off his thigh to kneel between his legs. “Unzip me.” He lifts his hips to help you out, and you’re embarrassed to feel how your mouth waters when you pull his briefs down to slip his cock out, licking your lips at the sight of the glistening tip. 

You look up at him through your lashes, your finger tracing a line down his shaft.

“I've wanted this for so long, Professor,” you whisper before giving a slow lick along his length. And it's way better than the fantasy, you think, pulling the head into your wet mouth, your tongue circling and rubbing. He groans, petting your head gently.

“Alright then. Hands behind your back.” Your eyes fly to him in surprise and he gives you a lascivious smirk. “This isn’t a reward. You’re working for something here, sweetheart. You need to work hard.” You try to nod as best as you can, clasping your hands behind your back. “Good girl. Now put that mouth to good use.” 

Each bob of your head slides his swollen cock deeper into your mouth, your tongue running up and down the stiff length. You find joy in each hiss and grunt you manage to coax out, pleasure in every praise he showers upon you. Your jaw aches but you soldier on, determined to see your unruffled professor break. He looks far from it right now, the vein on his neck popping and his muscles coiled with iron, barely holding onto the leash he keeps himself on.

“Deeper,” he rasps. You try to relax your jaw,   tensing up when his cock brushes the back of your throat. The next slide of your mouth on him is slow, trying to get used to the sensation. Your eyes water and he smiles fondly at the sight of you struggling. “Need some help, baby girl?” You whimper and he reaches over to cup the back of your head, twisting your hair around his hand. He murmurs a warning softly before he snaps his hips into your mouth and you gag, spit running down your chin as he starts fucking your mouth with swift thrusts, cursing and praising you in turns. His eyes glaze over with the force of his pleasure, the breathy sounds escaping him lewd enough to fuel a hundred wet dreams. “Good girl.   Relax your jaw. Yes-yes, just like that. I’ve spent hours thinking about fucking your pretty mouth, you know? It’s better than I ever imagined.”

The sound that leaves his lips when you cup his balls is obscene, and your scalp stings from how tightly he pulls your hair. Your tongue massages the underside of his cock, and you swallow, pulling him deeper. He gasps, a filthy curse escaping and you're going to remember it forever. “I’m – coming.” You brace yourself as he stills deep in your throat and comes in heated spurts. His thrusts get weaker as he keeps coming and you choke as you try to swallow all of it. Lucien pulls out of your mouth, nimble fingers hurriedly pumping the last of his seed out onto your lips and chin instead of inside your occupied mouth.

You’re still coughing when he hands you a glass of water, pulling you up and back onto his lap as you drink gratefully. He wipes your face clean with wet tissues, thorough and gentle, and you lean against him, drained. His fingers massage your scalp tenderly, pulling a content sigh from you.

“Hmm. I believe that’s an A+,” he declares, making you laugh and wack him on the shoulder. He kisses you gently, achingly slow, breath mingling as his face hovers close to yours. His expression is open, affectionate, his eyes soft with love and contentment. Your lips still feel raw when you kiss the underside of his jaw, curling up in the enclosure of his arms with satisfaction seeped into your bones. “Are you okay?” 

You can’t hide a smile at his concerned tone, planting a quick kiss on his cheek. He tilts his head to brush his lips at the corner of your mouth, your cheek, your temple. “Mhm. Just tired.” 

“Let’s go home, baby girl. I’ll cook.” 

[neocatharsis]

The World Famous NCT 127’s Creative Members Share Their Thoughts; Fashion, Music, Lifestyle, Favorite Things… What is Your Style?[YUTA's Interview]

Read full interview here: https://www.mensnonno.jp/post/30978/

Some excerpts:

How Do You Remain True To Yourself?

MN: The biggest focus for this interview series is to let readers to think about themselves, whether it’s fashion style or life principles, or whatever topics, along with the members of NCT 127. We had members of NCT 127 answer some questions previously, and we thought that your message was brilliant, so we wanted to share it before our conversation on it.

“‘Getting to know yourself’ is a very difficult term for me. I let myself choose different things, whether it’s fashion or music, depending on the time and my mood. But even doing so, I need to show my original self. Even when you change something, I value having something to express my personality. What’s important is that what you like doesn’t reflect your personality necessarily, but how you interpret yourself is.”

Y: Wow, is it me who wrote it(LOL)? This is embarrassing!

MN: Yes it was you(LOL). You moved to a foreign country by yourself and you are active with talented members of NCT 127, so we believe you already have your strength and personality. You wrote your answer so sincerely and we were impressed by it. We are even embarrassed having asked you such a question without putting much thought into it(LOL). So we’d like to know how you found this thought.

Y: Well, I’ve had a big problem understanding something for a while. People often say to me, “That is so you!” “It doesn’t suit you” or “Doesn’t it fit you?” But my question has been who gets to decide what suits me? It depends on the person what ‘fits’. Each one of us has had different path in the past, so one can have different values, right?

Especially in this digital age, many people tend to believe in what is visible. But I tend to think that you have to look at the things deep within you. When we think about our professions, we know that, after all, our fans tend to see how they want to see us. However, I think it’s great when a person can find something in between what he or she wants to convey and other people’s expectations. It could be one’s strength, too. But in the end, I think what you’re content with becomes your identity and style. You can dress in a certain way and listen to specific types of music depending on the day and the mood. If you are confident, you become comfortable that people see where you come from.

MN: You want to be confident and you don’t want to be subject to each time when people say that something ‘isn’t you’.

Y: Exactly. Here is an interesting story. One of our members, Jungwoo, wanted to wear long pierced earrings and he wanted to hear my opinion as I like pierced earrings. He bought a new pair, but he told me it didn’t look like his style. I said to him, “You aren’t used to what you look like with the long pair, but it might just become your style if you keep on wearing it.” This story overlaps with what I said about personality. I said to Jungwoo, “Though some people may say ‘It doesn’t fit you’ when you try a new style or a new way of things, your personality is what you believe in, so you just have to be confident”.

MN: Is this a thought that developed recently?

Y: I have thought about it for a long time. Ever since I chose to make my debut in South Korea.

MN: We are interested in what makes you, YUTA-san, feel right, and what condition you feel that way.

Y: In terms of my mood, music, and fashion, lately, I feel right when I’m listening to rock music.

MN: We heard you like Japanese rock.

Y: I absolutely love it. I especially love and adore HYDE and MIYAVI. I think I have loved their taste for a long while. So recently, I started telling others, “ I LOVE it!”. It’s just that I didn’t tell others about it, but I loved them from way back.

What Is The Relationship Like Between Members You Can Trust?

MN: Among the members of NCT 127, do you talk about the good characteristics of each member? When you were asked about what you are proud of the other members, you wrote,

“Each one of us has a very rich facial expression.”

Y: Haha! We don’t say it(LOL), but I am sure all of us know the good qualities each one of us has to offer. While it’s been about 4 years since we made the debut as NCT 127, we’ve been together for 8 years as we formed a pre-debut training team before. So we don’t have a lot of opportunities to talk about and encourage what is good about each member. Um, I think and I hope that everyone has the same thought as I do.

MN: You understand each other as if you could read each other’s minds.

Y: Yes, exactly. We are connected in that way. We sometimes have opposing opinions, but we never had a serious fight.

MN: You are a globally active artist and in our first interview with you, we were impressed when you pointed it out,

“I make my best effort to figure out how I can make myself understood by people and how I can make my point while respecting others. It’s not about the language differences, but it’s about expressing your opinions and feelings. It’s not an issue about which language you can speak or can’t.”

Is this something you still value?

Y: Yes, I always keep it in my mind. More than ever, we had various experiences together as a team, so we can understand each other without any arguments.

MN: To our question, “What does NCT 127 mean to you?” you answered,

“NCT 127 is the place where I can be happy, be frustrated, be down, and be enjoying myself.”

What makes you especially feel happy?

Y: Yes, we have some happy moments! These are simple things, but lately, I like having meals together, celebrating a member’s birthday, and going out shopping sometimes. Because of the spread of COVID-19, now we can find time out of our busy schedules to do things we couldn’t do before and to enjoy a relaxing time together. When we aren’t working, we are just like students. That’s the way we think of ourselves. We have fun goofing around just like children. There are moments when I find something new or a new side of other members – those are the times when I realize, “I never knew this side to them.” Because I get to know more about them, I appreciate those small moments.

MN: You can experience all kinds of emotions when you are with NCT 127. NCT 127 has had a big impact on you?

Y: I believe that NCT 127 made the person who I am today. Whether when I am happy or sad, and even now, as the person being interviewed, everything is influenced by NCT 127. Ever since my debut and up till now, NCT 127 made me who I am.

MN: Going a little off-topic, but to the question of “A weakness you want to overcome,” you replied, “Getting tired of things easily.”

Y: I get bored with things very easily! I am not consistent – it’s easy to get excited and get bored at the same time. When I am excited, I do the same thing all day long, but then, I get bored. However, I have been practicing the guitar recently as a way of expanding my interests. I also love rock bands, so I thought it would be nice if I could sing along with my guitar.

MN: Do you want to perform with your guitar at a concert?

Y: Sure! Though I don’t know I can go as far as playing it in a concert(LOL). I just try my best to keep practicing.

What Supports Your Confidence?

MN: For our question on “What makes you proud of yourself,” YUTA-san, you answered that,

“Being a hardworking Japanese abroad! It made me become responsible and appreciate my country more.” When are some instances when you feel this way?

Y: I became more responsible ever since my mother kept on sending me thesis-like messages. She sends me messages such as, ‘All of your fans are caring about you so much’, or ‘They are supporting you in many ways.’ Whenever I read her messages, I become emotional and touched to realize that I have people’s support. I feel their love and I want to return it as soon as possible. In the meantime, my mother’s messages made me understand some of the things I need to be careful about, such as ‘I need to act in a certain way,’ or ‘I have to be cautious about these things.’

MN: That is the mother’s love. Does she send them every day?

Y: Everyday! Well, I may have exaggerated it (LOL). I appreciate her for sending them quite often, though.

MN: Is it like ‘Today’s Letter’?

Y: Pretty much(LOL). She writes to me like ‘Today, I heard a fan say something nice.’ It makes me very happy.

MN: She will be sure to send you the reaction to this interview piece(LOL). We hope that you can see her soon

Y: Indeed. I want to have her homemade meals!

[battle-of-alberta]

OCtober: Eleanor and Mac

As per usual, I’m interested to know if a place appeals to you more, but it’s almost an unfair contest since one place literally exists solely for tourism and one... uh, really does not. Still, give them both a look! You might be surprised.

Banff | Fort McMurray

(Eleanor is used to being in the spotlight and taking photos like this, so she’s teaching Mac how c: )

Below is some meta stuff about the ‘research’ (if you can even call it that, it was more of a vibe check) I did for re-doing the profiles. Read on, if it intrigues you.

Special Municipalities: Banff and Fort Mac

On first impressions, no two municipalities could be more polar opposite than these two. Both are world renowned, in a way: Banff for its UNESCO designation within a national park famous the world over for its hot springs and breathtaking mountain views, Fort McMurray for precisely the opposite reason as an industrial site for resource extraction that draws the ire and scorn of visiting celebrities. Yet, both municipalities are set apart from "normal" cities and towns, representing semi-transient populations and massive areas of pristine wilderness. They both struggle with the relationship between humans (settlers, visitors, temporary workers and First Nations alike) and the environment around them.

Website Roundup Preface

While I was revisiting these character profiles, I took a look at how cities represented themselves on their municipal sites and tourism sites rather than how cities were represented in the news or in stereotypes, as the latter already tend to live in the back of my head. I was interested to see who the target audiences for each city were, what they considered their strengths, and how much effort each city put into putting its own identity on display. I was also interested into what ideas sort of fed into any pre-existing confirmation bias I had about each city's personality as well as interested in what narratives might be used to counteract negative stereotypes.

The first thing I tended to notice was the overall information architecture of each city's website. How easy were they to navigate? What kinds of information did they have? How did they organize it? How did they communicate that information?

Municipal: Out and About

Only Banff featured an "About" menu right up front, although the number of links it contained on hover was overwhelming to the point that not all were even visible on the page. The Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo (RMWB) site offered a classic "how can we help?" search bar, but over all seemed confused that I would be looking for "About", "Symbols" or "History" rather than the highlighted trending traffic reports and road closures. On further investigation, this website was only just launched a month ago!

Banff's "About" pages included a mix of history, information for prospective residents (which tended to boil down to "Are you sure? You know there's bears right?"), and information for locals about census and community building information. I found navigating these pages a little overwhelming and repetitive and if its job was to dissuade me from trying to find housing in Banff, it did pretty well. Of course, Banff has limits on its size due to the number of annual visitors to the park, and they are naturally less interested in new residents than other municipalities would be. The town's mandate clearly outlines the justification for its existence, which is almost entirely visitor-oriented and unlike any other municipal mandate I encountered.

Fort McMurray's "About" page is not immediately obvious to find. It has a brief section devoted to the "city" under "Indigenous and Rural Communities" alongside its fellow members of the Regional Municipality. The description is succinct and outlines the urban service area's importance to the region both historically and today. It describes it as a place people come from all over the country and world to live.

Oddly enough: the page that was easier to find was harder to read and vice versa.

Municipal: Strategizin’

Rather than comparing guides for prospective residents, which weren't immediately relevant or obvious, I took a look at the strategic plans of the two municipalities instead to get an idea of where they saw the future going.

Both guides focused heavily on sustainability even though they were directed towards different purposes. Environmental stewardship played a large role in both guides, which may be surprising to some. Indigenous people and First Nations featured far more prominently in RMWB's strategic plan (2011) than Banff's (2008) or really any city's identity so far.

Banff's guide was as much directed at visitor experience (particularly "sense of place" and "inspiration" were used to frame this. It's sometimes very difficult to delineate between what aspects of Banff and its website are for residents and what aspects are for visitors, which sort of makes sense but actually, ironically, makes for a weaker sense of community identity.

It's important to note that RMWB's first strategic plan - which was very ambitious and in depth - was developed before the fire of 2016. The plan was projecting massive increases in population and impressive ideas for the development of the areas infrastructure that not only have not materialized but were further complicated by recent flooding. The 2018-2021 plan is more sobering and focused on concrete deliverables, many of which are related to recovery.

Tourism: Staycation Spotlights

Finally, both cities also have tourism pages.

Banff shares its tourism site with the hamlet of Lake Louise, which also exists within the park. Likewise, Fort McMurray plays a central role in the tourism of the entire regional municipality, but shares the spotlight as well with its "backyard" of Wood Buffalo.

Banff National Park is still open due to COVID, and the entire home page is currently full of virtual experiences and webcams headed by a large WE MISS YOU! banner. The RMWB tourism site seems to be the only site thus far that hasn't acknowledged COVID precautions in an obvious way - it only turns up after hovering over "Accommodations".

Tourism: Sugar We’re Going Downtown

Both cities describe their downtowns on distinct pages.

The townsite of Banff is one of several pages that describe different locations throughout the national park. This page is much more concise and informative than the municipal website and has a more organized narrative about the town, its history, its purpose, and the myriad of experiences it offers. Everything is easy to find and linked together here. Banff self-describes as a place where residents are "warm, open, and genuinely connected to the inspiring environment in which they live".

The Regional Municipality and all of its communities each have their own pages. The economic purpose of RMWB is front and center on its page, which is somewhat unusual for a tourism page. Likewise, Fort McMurray's page reads more like an advertisement for prospective residents rather than a tourism destination, describing the city in terms of its population, services, and quality of life for families rather than its attractions.

Tourism: Miscellaneous Impressions

Some other notes...

Both sites are organized primarily around experiences in different seasons and particularly outdoor sport and environment, albeit in different ways. Banff's is framed in terms of "where can I go [skiing/cycling/jogging] etc." as well as what to wear, where to get outfitted, and how to stay safe. Fort McMurray tends to be experiences around hunting, fishing, snowmobiling, and dirt biking.

Both cities make an effort to offer experiences other than outdoor sport, though this is the primary focus of both sites. Banff has a well known Centre for the Arts while Fort McMurray tends to recognize that arts have been low on its list of priorities, although not non-existent.

On a final note: the voice on the Banff tourism voice was practiced and uniform... Banff knows exactly what it is and who it's for and the feelings they will feel when they arrive. Fort Mac's was a little more scattered in an interesting way. Sometimes things sounded matter of fact and straight forward, sometimes it might read as - perhaps not defensive exactly but - challenging? in the sense that it was conscious that the economy is the first association people had with the region, and sometimes the site was downright poetic in how it described seasonal experiences of the municipality.

[clippingpathapt1]

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[bookandcover]

A couple years ago, Michelle Obama’s book was recommended to me with glowing praise by a college friend (who reads a lot of the memoir/autobiography genre, and who felt this book stood out). I’ve meant to read it since then, and I was really glad to sit down with it as the March choice for our family’s Anti-Racism Book Club. Michelle Obama has a real nice writing style: direct, specific, and authentic. It maybe sounds unfair to say that I was “pleasantly surprised” by how strong the writing was; this was not because of Michelle herself, but because of the “memoirs by non-writer celebrities” genre where I have generally had low expectations when it comes to literary style and book structure. I really enjoyed the way Michelle writes, though. Her descriptions are specific and vivid. I felt, during the first half of the book, like I was reading a novel. I kept forgetting this energetic and self-aware girl was Michelle Obama. She seemed like a relatable, realistic protagonist in a YA book, growing up in her sharply-observed Chicago neighborhood. Her family stories and her friendships felt so concrete and were so easy to picture through the descriptions and imagery. The narrative always felt natural, well-paced, and engaging.

As Michelle’s narration arrived at the point in time when she appeared more frequently in the public eye, I was able to reconcile her vividly drawn youth with the things I knew about Michelle and the Obamas separate from this book. The blending of both selves/personas was really effective, as Michelle filled in public image outlines with color and heart by sharing the details of life in the White House. Michelle humanizes the places she lives, and her observations of the White House, its traditions and conventions both upheld and pushed against in meaningful ways by the Obama family, made their lives possible for me to imagine. From Michelle’s appreciation of being able to get her own mug from a cabinet without being offered help in her post-Presidency life to her insistence that her daughters make their own beds in the White House, the concreteness of their lives is always present in these pages. I loved getting such personal insights into a part of American public life that we are all aware of (there’s a First Family, there’s a White House), but that normally transcends the practical and specific in our minds.  

I felt, through Michelle’s well-chosen descriptions, the challenging burden of the security that surrounded their family at all times during these years. This was poignantly captured in the scene where Michelle and Barack plan a trip to NYC for dinner and play, only to understand how many people they’ve inconvenience through this small trip, as Manhattan streets are barricaded by their security and Secret Service agents scan and check everyone entering the restaurant after them. Sometimes the smallest details capture the feeling of life in the White House most vividly. I was struck by Michelle’s explanation that she couldn’t step out on the Truman Balcony—the only semi-private outdoor space at the White House—without first alerting the security who would clear the area below the South Lawn of the White House where tourists stopped for photos. Therefore, she knew she’d never use it. Just like going out to dinner and a show in NYC, simple things created such a huge operation and hassle for those around them, that it felt natural and necessary to stop doing them. I thought it was interesting to see that, despite these challenges, the area where the Obamas weren’t willing to limit and to hold back was in the experiences of their children. Michelle was frustrated with the security process when a changed young people’s plan—heading to get ice cream spontaneously—was thwarted for Malia while she waited for an hour for her head of security to arrive from the suburbs. Michelle told the security planners and organizers, “if you’re going to protect a kid, you’ve got to be able to move like a kid,” and the appropriate adjustments were made. Michelle prioritized her children’s rich experiences throughout their years in the White House, taking them to Washington D.C. museums, and skiing at Liberty Mountain, and along on international trips.

This emphasis on the vividness and diversity of her children’s experiences seemed to echo Michelle’s own upbringing, although she didn’t explicitly draw this connection. While, at times, Michelle was frustrated by aspects of her upbringing—embarrassed that her mother hand-sewed her clothes while other teenagers sported trendy outfits, or angry at her equally stubborn great-aunt Robbie over her piano lessons, when Michelle wanted to quickly skip to more advanced pieces rather than grinding over the basics—she overwhelmingly feels the love and care that surrounds her every day. She explains her father’s fortitude and strength; living with multiple sclerosis for decades, he continued to maintain his quality work and support his family, never wanting to focus on his pain or his physical deterioration. Michelle tells a heartbreaking story about a day when her father was too overwhelmed by pain to make it from their house to his car to drive to work and sank down on the doorstep, while Michelle watched him surreptitiously. She decided to give him a few minutes and then offer help, but when she looked back outside he had made it to his truck and gone to work for the whole day.

Michelle also gives huge credit for her positive upbringing and her educational successes to her mother’s care, tracing the impact this had on her education and career trajectory. She explains how when her mother understood that Michelle’s second grade classroom was not a productive environment, with a teacher who did not challenge the students nor show them care, she went to the school to advocate for an advanced placement program that allowed Michelle and other high-performing students to benefit from a more self-directed learning environment, a high-quality teacher, and new schoolwork and projects. Michelle knows that having someone watching over her education, and advocating for her before she could do this for herself, made all the difference. She also speaks about her mother’s creativity and the ways she made Michelle and her older brother Craig’s childhoods rich with experiences. Michelle recalls that she made a chimney and fireplace from painted cardboard one year for Christmas and describes her mother upholding New Year’s Eve traditions filled with board games and specially-prepared food.

The richness of Michelle’s upbringing with her family and community’s warmth, care, and love, in a space that would be stereotypically discounted as poor and getting poorer, reminded me a lot of my own childhood. I grew up in a poor neighborhood in increasingly socio-economically stratified Seattle in the 90’s, but never once felt like I was missing anything with two parents who spent quality time with me every single day. Michelle’s extended family forms a vibrant and lively community in her South Side of Chicago neighborhood, forming a support structure that seems to never leave Michelle wanting for anything, perceiving herself to be loved and valued and encouraged, building her the most solid of life foundations. Even when her parents had so little, they saved and borrowed to send Michelle on a trip with her classmates to Paris because they wanted her to experience the world. Even though Michelle raises her children in a very different socio-economic context, it’s clear that the exact same values guide her and Barack’s parenting. I think Michelle and Barack’s efforts to prioritize their family and their daughters’ upbringing is something that was visible about them during their time in the White House. This focus shone through and their love for each other always seemed so genuine. It was lovely to see that contextualized in Becoming.

More than just Michelle’s upbringing was relatable to me. I found her experiences when she attended Princeton, vaulting suddenly into a different environment than what she’d known, an environment steeped in the specific traditions of an old New England college, to be likewise relatable (yes, what is squash? I’d thought this was just a nickname for the sport, and laughed loudly the first several times I heard it as an incoming freshman). The socio-economic context shift from childhood to college that Michelle experienced was quite similar to my own. Her experiences in her 20s, too, of trying to figure out who she wants to be in a career/work space and how to let go of the “trappings of success” instilled in her by her high-powered education also rang very true for me. Even her love of eating out at the same haunt, her engagement with pop culture, her routine listening to music, her interest in leveraging fashion for social justice impact—these small things were similar to my experiences and preferences, and they made Michelle someone I really wanted to connect with and befriend. I felt these connections within the knowledge that every single experiences of Michelle’s has occurred within the context of race. Even though I felt I related to many of her experiences and thoughts, I can never understand how all of these were shaped by the systematic racism that permeates all facets of life in America. Yet, I think Michelle wants her story to be accessible, relatable not necessarily in similarity but in shared humanity. In connecting with her and identifying with her, many people can find inspiration and encouragement through her journey, as she herself acknowledges. And while I know that the people in America who most need to see this and believe in it—a Black woman from the South Side of Chicago having the experiences and achievements that Michelle has had—I think her empowerment has a broad resonance that inspires striving from within every kind of under-representation, a vote of confidence for every kind of diversity.

Right at the end of the book, Michelle beautifully articulates her faith in change, hope, and this kind of common humanity. As she describes Lin-Manuel Miranda’s musical Hamilton, she writes “it told a story about America that allowed the diversity in.” This description made me cry because it is full of hope. America has a long way to go in terms of achieving racial equality. I thought it was interesting to see how heavily Michelle was criticized during the first campaign when her statement “for the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country” (followed by “because it feels like hope is making a comeback”) was taken out of context. I think that, today, in the political climate of 2020 that continues into 2021, a lot more direct criticism of America is accepted. Today, there seems to be a much stronger understanding that BIPOC speaking up about race and staying they have never been safe, have never been equal, have never been happy in America is our reality. This language isn’t something that is dismissed or attacked in the same way it was in 2008/2009. Sure, the standards of “accepted language” are probably always different for someone running for political office (although has our recent former President all but obliterated such standards?), but I think there’s a much wider percentage of the American population today who feels that strong criticism of America on the grounds of race is appropriate, and necessary. Setting aside the context of Michelle’s rise to public visibility, I think she independently has incredible hope (not manufactured, not over-done, but realistic, enduring) in America. She ties this hope to the connections she felt when she campaigned in Iowa and didn’t see the working white class voters there as vastly different from herself and her upbringing. She ties this hope to the young people who devoted their lives and time and energy to Obama’s campaign. On her Becoming book tour (I watched the documentary on Netflix this week), she ties this hope to the young women of color who she connects with who are fighting for their education and their opportunities. She ties this hope to her own daughters, growing up strong and independently-minded.

In the final pages of this book, as the next President casts an appalling shadow over the things Michelle and Barack fought for, Michelle chooses to look to the musical Hamilton, as one concrete example of the hope she feels, in spite of setbacks, in spite of the slowness of change. Michelle leaves the White House mentally reviewing for herself the impacts that they had during their time there, the positive changes that they made, from the tiny things to the giant things, and her ability to look at the world this way—while showing how much this is not an easy thing to do, nor a perspective to take for granted—is one of the powerful impacts and truths of this book.

[irandrura]

I will aim for three posts, I think, trying to give some general feelings on Three Houses after completing one route (Azure Moon). This post will be on world and plot, and will have a mixture of things I liked and things I thought could be improved. The second one will be on characters and will be mostly positive. The third one will be a grab bag of other thoughts on mechanics, tone, where I think 3H fits into the series’ overall trajectory, and other things that occur to me.

It’s also worth noting that at this point I think I’ll grant myself license to read spoilers for the other routes. This is mainly because I don’t think it’s reasonable to need to play dozens more hours, many of which just repeat content I’ve already done, in order to get a full picture of the plot. That said, I realise that reading a wiki and skimming the odd chapter transcript are not substitutes for the experience of actually playing a route, so I will not make any judgement on the other three routes in terms of quality. I do intend to play at least Crimson Flower and Verdant Wind at some point, and that should be a richer experience than just reading, but I probably won’t start another forty-to-fifty hour journey straight away.

So, world and plot!

I think worldbuilding is one of Three Houses’ strengths, and is definitely a big step up after Fates and Awakening. Fódlan’s worldbuilding is not perfect, and sometimes has a few cringeworthy elements – in particular the King Lear references in the Alliance are a bit cheesy – but for the most part it successfully presents itself as a rich, interesting world, containing diverse cultures, and a complex history.

The sense of history is particularly important to me, especially compared to the last few games. I’m glad that the game goes to some effort to give Adrestia, Faerghus, and Leicester a sense of a shared past, full of rivalries and alliances. I can imagine setting other stories at different points in Fódlan’s history – Loog’s revolt, the occupation of Brigid and invasion of Dagda, the Almyran invasion, etc. – and those stories still being interesting and fun to play. I can imagine using Fódlan, perhaps centuries in the past, perhaps in the future, as a D&D campaign setting and it being quite interesting. That to me is a sign of good worldbuilding. If the world could easily play host to many different stories, not just the one I’m currently playing, then it can probably stand on its own quite well. This contrasts strongly with, say, Nohr and Hoshido, which felt like they were really just built for Corrin’s adventure.

I also appreciate that it’s not just ancient history that matters, but also the twenty years or so before the game begins. The heroes did not burst on to the scene ex nihilo, but all come out of particular historical situations. Events like the Insurrection of the Seven or the Tragedy of Duscur give you context for what happens in the game. The heroes generally have parents and families, and those families are relevant. They all come from somewhere, and while the details often aren’t described, what you get is enough to start imagining their home lives, and what might be going on elsewhere in the world. I really liked that and felt it was missing from the last few games. Can you imagine asking most of the Shepherds about their familes, or about the lands where they grew up?

Similarly, the range of visible cultures is one that I quite appreciate. Even outside Fódlan itself, mentions of Dagda, Brigid, Sreng, and Almyra help to make the world feel populated. That’s only the other regions that we know much about: there’s also Morfis, Albinea, and Mach, so the world is clearly quite large. Further, these different regions all have some noticeable cultural traits: the people of Brigid are animists and believe in many spirits, the Almyrans are a warrior culture and seem vaguely Persian, and so on. Within Fódlan there are visible differences as well, so the titular three houses are nicely differentiated.

The role of crests in shaping the continent also appealed to me. I believe I commented before that it reminds me of Birthright, an AD&D setting from the 90s that I have a soft spot for. While crests aren’t quite as powerful as Birthright’s bloodlines and don’t have exactly the same effects, the idea of aristocrats with real superpowers passed down in the bloodline, but which if abused can twist people into horrible monsters, was quite reminiscent of that setting. It’s a premise I’ve always found relatively intriguing, and I like that Three Houses does spend a little while exploring the social stratification that crests have produced. There are some interesting marriage politics going on because of crests; that’s really fun for me. Nonetheless I think the game also takes the right approach by not making crests too overpowering, and by firmly asserting that a person’s worth is not dependent on whether they have a crest or not. If it hadn’t done that, crests might have had some uncomfortable implications.

That said if I have one quibble it would be etymological. I understand that the Empire is vaguely Germano-Nordic, Leicester is vaguely English, and Faerghus is Franco-Celtic, but these aren’t always incredibly consistent, and names can sometimes be a bit surprising. The name ‘Dimitri’, for instance, stands out as being slightly out of place. I suppose its origin, ‘Demetrius’, is a Latin name and thus appropriate enough, but today I hear ‘Dimitri’ as Slavic, which doesn’t fit the established pattern for Faerghus. Still, this is a minor quibble.

The one exception to my general praise for the worldbuilding is the church, which I think is a huge mess. Maybe another route fleshes this out, but from what I played, it is extremely unclear to me how the church actually works. Was there a previous archbishop, or has Rhea been succeeding herself over and over, changing her name each time? How has the church been involved in history? We’ve had the occasional mention of cardinals, possibly with secret identities, but they’re entirely invisible and don’t seem to do anything. I would have liked more details on the church and how it fits into Fódlan’s history, because right now it feels like the anomaly, to me.

Moving on to the plot…

This had a number of issues, in my opinion.

Azure Moon was very much Dimitri’s story. In some ways I like that Byleth is simply not very important to the story. You are not the hero; you are the hero’s mentor. Byleth is more active than, say, Mark was in Blazing Sword, but still fades into the background compared to the true protagonist. However, I have to stand by the judgement that Dimitri’s redemption was too fast, and it probably would have been better to drop some of the church-related content for this route and spend more time exploring the characters and relationships that are at the heart of this story. Azure Moon is about Dimitri, Dedue, Felix, Sylvain, Annette, and probably Ingrid at the core: this rising generation of Faerghus nobility, with the long shadow of the past over them, struggling to overcome the sins of yesteryear and the cycle of revenge in order to build a better world. This story is good and I liked it, but a bit more polish and focus could have made it shine.

In terms of actual events, though, I have to say that a lot of things in the story didn’t make a lot of sense. The most obvious case is probably the rematch at Gronder Field. I understand the desire for a three-way battle there as adults, a rematch that contrasts dramatically with the mock battle they fought as students. However, as cool as the scene is, I don’t feel the set-up for it made a lot of sense: in particular Claude and Dimitri have no reason to fight each other. Dimitri might still be bloodthirsty and vengeance-obsessed, but that should translate to a charge straight at Edelgard, and Claude seems cunning enough to let that happen without getting in the way. There might surely have been better ways to set up a conflict there, especially since the writers have the get-out-of-jail-free card of a faction of evil shapeshifters trying to foment conflict. All you need is for a few Slitherers to deliver false messages or instigate a skirmish or two to start a battle based on a tragic misunderstanding.

Similarly, my confusion at the Leicester Alliance disbanding and the Kingdom absorbing the Empire remains present. I can guess that they wanted every route to end with Fódlan united into a single realm, but in this particular story it seemed strange, given how much the story had focused on freeing Faerghus from Imperial occupation and on defeating Edelgard. Dimitri’s ambitions were personal, rather than the grand schemes to reorganise Fódlan politically that both Edelgard and Claude have.

I wonder if there might be an unspoken cultural difference here? As someone from a Western European background, I am quite comfortable with the idea that many different nations can rightly exist on the same continent, and see coexisting self-determining territories as a quite good result; but perhaps in Japan it might be more natural to think that “an empire divided longs to unite”? The game begins with the territories of the ancient Adrestian Empire split into three nations now. Perhaps, like Warring States of either China or Japan, they must be united back into one? Three Houses to parallel Three Kingdoms, perhaps? The Japanese title of the game does not mention Three Houses, to be fair, but the title is an allusion to classical Chinese poetry, so I wonder what assumptions or resonances might be in the background.

Moving along, the logistics of war in general stood out to me as rather odd. I can’t tell whether you’re supposed to be canonically returning the entire army to the monastery in between every battle or not, but even if you’re not, you march all over the continent with very little regard for things like plausible logistics. Invading the Empire, winning a battle at Gronder, and then stopping to run all the way back up to Fhirdiad and liberate it in a single battle seemed particularly odd, especially when you also somehow make time to visit Arianrhod way out in the west. I wouldn’t be that strict about this in most games, but Three Houses does have that lovely detailed map and shows coloured lines with armies moving around, so I felt that it drew attention to one of its own weak points. Here I think the game contrasts negatively with the Tellius pair, which also feature a bunch of continent-wide wars, but generally seem to avoid bizarre logistics.

Finally, let’s talk about the ending. As I mentioned in one of the linked posts above, I was a bit surprised that there was no resolution to the Slitherers subplot in this arc. I liked the scene where Dimitri asks Edelgard why she did all of this before the final battle, but unfortunately they just talk about ideals. If I were Edelgard I might have mentioned the part where I did all this at the behest of – while also hoping to turn on and destroy – a faction of evil subterranean wizards who have been fomenting conflict throughout all of Fódlan’s history. I might also have mentioned the part where I believe the Church of Seiros is run by a different faction of ancient immortal manipulators, since that also seems key to understanding why Edelgard thought such drastic measures were necessary.

Perhaps that didn’t come up because if Edelgard were to mention those motives, it would quickly become apparent that she has already achieved most of her goals, and there is no more reason to fight. By the time of Edelgard and Dimitri’s fateful meeting, the Slitherers have already been defeated (albeit inadvertently, when we killed Arundel), the Church of Seiros is already shattered, Fódlan is close to being reunited under one government, and both we and Edelgard know that Dimitri wants to establish a more participatory and egalitarian form of government that should resolve some of Edelgard’s worries about crests. If Edelgard were the utilitarian fighting for the greater good that she portrays herself as, she could simply surrender, arrange the sort of peace treaty that Dimitri clearly wants, share all her knowledge with Dimitri and Byleth, and work for a brighter future together.

The final cutscene was thus quite striking to me. By ‘Light and Shadow’, it is extremely clear that the war is over. Even if Edelgard were somehow to successfully kill Dimitri, she would be killed immediately afterwards, and no good could come of it. But Edelgard cannot surrender. It is the one thing she cannot do, that she will never do. After the heart of the story was Dimitri’s redemption, and his painful struggle to turn away from his crimes and start anew, it seems appropriate to draw this line between them.

Both Dimitri and Edelgard did terrible things: he from vengeful passion, she from sincere belief it was for the best. But he could change his ways, grow, and find a new beginning. She never could. At the midpoint of Azure Moon, Byleth offers Dimitri his hand, and taking that hand and accepting help is the point at which Dimitri’s redemption begins. At the end, Dimitri, having learned this lesson, offers Edelgard his hand… but she does not take it.

There were plenty of places where I thought the plot could be improved, in terms of time, pacing, focus, and even practical things like why certain battles happen or how troops get there. But ultimately the story worked for me, I think, because the emotions worked. I can excuse a lot of nonsense if I care about the characters and the emotions resonate. I would rather do that than have a story that makes perfect logistical sense, but in which all the characters are flat and boring.

Next time I’ll talk more about supports and all the other characters.

[tentoriwrites]

Set Adrift: The Charbee Remix

For Charbee week day 4 for the song Back to Life by Hailee Steinfeld

I always played around with the idea of there being multiple factions of Cybertronians with specialized tasks/functions. I really latched on to the scientists/engineers because someone had to develop all that super advanced tech. But also they would have so much drama because both sides would want them. I found a great way to write in 2 of the main characters but never had a great way to bring in the third as she was completely a non-combatant. ENTER CHARBEE!

----- ------ ----- ----- -----

Bumblebee’s optics went wide as he thought back on the time he stuck his finger in the outlet at Charlie’s house. He looked away embarrassed by the stupidity of the action. Little did he know the ramifications of such a simple act would be so widespread and… ongoing…

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Prologue:

The universe is full of innumerable stars. Rotating around those stars are even more planets. What makes this one so special? At first I didn’t understand, but then I finally went there. It was full of organic life and energy. I knew the moment I landed it would be perfect for the experiment. So, I released them: enough nanobots to make thousands of Energon batteries. Enough to power a Cybertronian colony for far more cycles than would ever be necessary. This whole system was a proof of concept. No matter where we Cybertronians went, we would always have a source of Energon.

As soon as the nanobots were released on this pale blue dot the results were immediate. I was extremely optimistic. I left the experiments to run as I retreated to the observation bunker established on a moon in the far reaches of the system. I went into stasis to conserve energy and woke up periodically to check on the experiments and receive reports from home.

As you might imagine I missed a lot existing like this. But I knew about the war and that it was escalating at a frantic pace. The war and my experiment seemed to be poles that could not coexist. The better my experiment went, the worst things seemed to go at home. The transmissions kept coming until one day they spotted altogether. I denied it for as long as I could, but I understood what that meant. The Prime Constructors was gone and the only reason for that was denying the Decepticons. I took precautions against those who would try to use my experiments for their own ill deeds. In my processors I said I was neutral, like all Constructors, but in my Spark I hoped the Autobots would win. that hope to hold on to, I went to sleep for the last time.

A bot tall and slender in frame but devoid of all the color floated gently up and down in a cryo-stasis chamber. The frost on their silvered metal panels tinkled as it melted away. It was time for the annual check on their experiment. They had created a countless number of nearly imperceptible nanobots and flooded all the planets of this solar system with them. It was a first of its kind experiment for the Cybertronians. Each bot collected energy from any and all available sources and converted it to Energon. Once the bot was fully charged, it floated towards the collection point on the planet and deposited it. Once the batteries were full, they could be collected and transported back to Cybertron.

The Cybertronian stretched out their arms over their head before floating over to the console on the far side of the room. Tiny boosters on the tips of their transparent wings gave them the propulsion they needed to move in the zero-gravity space. Once they were seated, they slid their hand against a flat space marked off by a frame on the console. It lit up with a gentle yellow glow a moment after they touched it.

“Constructor designation.” A synthesized voice filled the darkened room.

“C-377.” A less synthesized female voice answered.

“Project Identification number.”

“1284092186.”

“Hello, C-377. I hope you slept well.”

“I did, thank you.” She looked up at the screens as they buzzed to life.

“I have compiled the latest data on all 10 planets in this system.”

“I see them on the screens now. The numbers for some planets are a little disappointing, I must say. However, planet 3 has been an extremely lucrative source of energy.” She put her free hand to her chin a moment. “There has been a very large spike in the last 100 years. But then it drops off steeply.”

“Yes.”

The Cybertronian started to speak again but the computer cut her off.

“There was a huge spike in Energon detected. The spike caused the nanobots in the area to realign with the Cybertronian responsible for the spike and become unresponsive to outside communications. This caused a cascade effect until all the nanobots on the planet had become realigned.”

The Cybertronian’s purple glowing optics went huge. “W… wh… what… faction?” She was shaking so violently her hand almost pulled free from the console.

“The surge was caused by an Autobot designated B-127.”

The Cybertronian visibly eased, sinking into her seat at the news.

“The Decepticons can never have this technology… They’ll just use it to destroy ev…” Her chilled declaration was cut short by an alarm blaring. The security system was alerting her to a breach. “Activate emergency protocol alpha.”

“Understood. Preparing full transfer to remote station Beta.” The small, underground base started whirring with life.

The Cybertronian’s hand was released from the console as the computer listed each step in the protocol being fulfilled in the background. “Launch the backup and my escape pod to Earth then full wipe.”

“Understood. Preparing to launch decoys. Randomizing decoy coordinates. Power and memory transfer to ARC initiated.”

“Time to breach?”

“Irrelevant. Please proceed to escape pod.”

“But… Yes… Understood…” She couldn’t argue with the computer as power was already being diverted to a black monolith. The lights dimmed and the alarm turned off. The bot drifted into a random escape pod. The black monolith joined her in a different, random pod.

“Transfer complete. Launch sequence activated. Final shut down commencing. Creator protect you.”

The tube shook violently as it hurtled towards space. Moments before cresting the top of the tube, the screen in the escape pod started blinking errors. A camera on the outside of the pod showed fire surrounding it. Something likely set off the self-destruct trying to disarm it. While she was happy no one could get anything out of the base, she hoped against the odds the pod survived the trip to the third planet. Much to her dismay, the alarm blared on…

 The sky burned as a Cybertronian pod streaked across the blue expanse over the planet Earth. Pieces broke off and burned away in the atmosphere causing a showy display of friction's power. It came to rest in a dry field in the middle of nowhere at the base of a tree. The scorched dirt pit left in the wake of the landing alien smoldered and it wouldn't be long before humans found the site. With great effort the figure rolled over and pushed themselves to their feet. The journey had taken far longer than they had thought but soon it would all be over. The mission was the only thing that mattered now.

“Halt!” A voice called with a musical quality and the figure turned around slowly.

“Auto...bot... Thank goodness...” The clearly female alien replied weakly just before falling to her knees. Any scans indicated that she had been severely damaged from the entry. She was dying before his very eyes! He immediately disarmed and moved to her side. “I have a very important message to deliver to you Autobot. I am one of the last of the Constructors and charged with an experiment put into motion on this planet... No time...” She explained as quickly as she could with her dying body.

Bumblebee dropped her and backed away. A look of disdain colored his normally genial features.

She chose to ignore the familiar coldness her faction afforded her and pressed on. “After I die the information must be pulled from me. They are on their way... Decepticons... Not sure... how much... they got out of lab...” Her optics flickered so dim light could barely be seen within them as Optimus and the others arrived.

“Bumblebee! Report!” Optimus barked as he transformed and ran up to his ally. “A neutral?” He gasped in a voice stricken with an ill feeling as he kneeled down next to the ailing creature. “A Constructor?” She nodded slowly before falling to the dirt completely.

“A Prime...? How fortunate...” A smile was clearly written on her face as her life faded away.

“Out of the way!” Ratchet grumbled as he gingerly moved between Optimus and the slain. “Her injuries are grave. I haven't seen anything in this bad of shape in awhile...” He looked her over briefly before shooting her three times with his special regeneration laser. She jumped and twitched and he quickly set to work attaching a thick cable to a port in her back. “She needs an energy transfusion... What's this?” He wondered spotting a foreign black cube deep in her back. “It's a retrofitted piece connected on a molecular level with nanomachines... It appears to be some sort of energy collection or converter... But it's been disabled.” He awkwardly reached a finger into her back and poked the unharmed box.

Suddenly, her wings spread out and became covered in a transparent film. After a few moments she gasped and her eyes shot open. “The energy converter worked!” She half shouted as she twitched back to life.

The Autobots in attendance looked at her dumbstruck.

“I need to find the monolith…” No sooner did the words leave her mouth she passed out again.

“She's not very stable at the moment... We'll have to be careful...” Ratchet explained checking her status. “Right now, that converter is the only thing keeping her functional.” With that being said he got to his feet and started hauling her away unceremoniously over one shoulder.

“All right you heard Ratchet! We have to get her back to the base!” Optimus ordered as he started to transform into a semi-truck. “I’ll carry her in the back.”

A flurry of whirring radio dials punctuated Bumblebee’s reaction as he searched for songs to speak with. “Something… you need to know… easier… if… she's… dead...” Bumblebee looked up at Optimus with his displeasure clear on his face. “Shouldn’t… we… let it be?”

“No information could be worth her life... She's been through much to get here and I'm certain once she's had time to recover, she can tell us everything we might need to know.” Optimus replied as the hum of a plane grew closer. “Autobots! Roll out!” It was clear Optimus was ignoring the callousness of the comment.

“I… will… guard… her…”

As they rolled back to the Autobot base on Earth, the being stirred weakly. “You.” There was a long pause before the Constructor went on in a quiet voice. “You are the one who started all this.”

Bumblebee tried to ignore her, but her persistent staring finally prompted a response. He cocked his head to the side. “Misunderstanding” by Phil Collins started playing.

“You have lost your voice?” She looked up at the open roof wistfully. “It must have been an accident then.” She took a deep breath. “You created an Energon surge that interfered with an experiment I was conducting on this planet. It caused the nanobots I brought here to align with your energy so they no longer respond to me.”

Bumblebee’s optics went wide as he thought back on the time he stuck his finger in the outlet at Charlie’s house. He looked away embarrassed by the stupidity of the action. Little did he know the ramifications of such a simple act would be so widespread and… ongoing…

“That means we must protect you at all costs until the nanobots can all be removed from the planet.”

“You should rest now. You can explain yourself later when we can all hear it. But I would prepare yourself now, Constructor. Not all Autobots have a favorable opinion of your kind.” Optimus commented stoically.

“I… I can understand that sentiment.” With that she closed her eyes and went into stasis again.

 After returning to the base, the newest Cybertronian was offloaded for repairs. Optimus and Bumblebee waited patiently nearby as they discussed their next move.

“What do you think, Bumblebee? Is she someone we should trust?” Optimus turned to the yellow bot.

“Danger Zone” started blaring loud enough to wake the dead.

“I understand your feelings on Constructors. However, they only did what they felt was best for Cybertron. Is that really any different than what we did?” Optimus tried to reason with Bumblebee.

Bumblebee shook his head wildly. “So, what difference does it make? It makes none.” A line by The Smiths accompanied the action.

Optimus sighed heavily. He started to say something but was cut off by Ratchet.

“Well I can safely say this is my best work...” Ratchet sounded quite full of himself as he came out with the Constructor in tow. He had replaced her missing plates with smooth steel. “She explained that box to me as well so we'll have to move her while she recovers. She needs a place with more light.” He added cracking his hands as he stopped where Optimus and Bumblebee had acquainted themselves.

“What is it?” Optimus asked looking over to him.

“It's a miniature version of an experimental system the Constructors implemented here on Earth in a closed circuit.” Ratchet explained with a smile. “It was developed on the off chance the experiment failed. She brought many unused copies with her!”

“So that's the black box we picked up not far from her crash site.” Optimus added thoughtfully.

“YOU FOUND THE MONOLITH?!” The Constructor nearly collapsed in her relief. “Th… that monolith is very important to me.”

Bumblebee’s optics narrowed sharply and “Danger Zone” started blaring again.

“Bumblebee…” Optimus chided him gently and the yellow bot huffed.

The Constructor looked a bit hurt but went on. “I am Constructor C-377. I specialize in nanobots. I developed nanobots that absorb energy in all its forms and delivers it to batteries. The batteries were to be sent back to Cybertron…”

“Cybertron… has fallen.” Arcee answered solemnly offering her comrade a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Oh…” All of the Constructor’s excited energy evaporated like fog in the sun. “I… see…” Sparks lit up as her fingers dug into her hand. “Well then… I guess… a new end goal for the experiment is necessary.” She nodded solemnly as she walked over to the monolith. She placed her hand on the surface and it immediately lit up with a gentle purple light.

“Should this experiment yield the desired results then we will be able to build a new home planet for our race.” Ratchet began with his smile beaming wider with each word. “It is capable of converting solar energy into Energon!” The news completely shocked everyone in the gathering.

“This is great news!” Arcee cheered in uncontained happiness.

“It’s not that easy.” The Constructor injected quickly. “The nanobots are designed to seamlessly integrate into whatever they are gathering energy from. So, they can become anything. If you cannot see why that might be a problem then you had better reconsider your intelligence level.

“We should give you a code name.” Wheeljack finally interjected.

“Familiarity with me is not advisable. I will only be on this planet long enough to remove the nanobots and any threat they may cause. My association with this planet will only serve to endanger it further.”

“She is a true Constructor...” Ironhide shook his head bitterly. “I've never met one but I would bet they're all just like this. Loners who don’t think they need anyone and don’t care about anyone.”

The Constructor deflated a fraction, but it was still enough to be noticeable. “I will need an energy sample from B-127 so I can start reprogramming the nanobots. Please place your hand on the monolith.”

“No sugar tonight.” Blared through Bumblebee’s radio.

"I don't think you understand what's at stake here." She started with hurt in her voice. "The nanobots can be reprogrammed to do anything... become anything. Power supplies, weapons, defenses..." The meekness in her voice faded as she spoke, replaced the a genuine passion. "If the Decepticons get a hold of them, they would be able to destroy anyone who opposes them!"

"Why would you put such a dangerous experiment into action at a time like this?" Ironhide voiced his suspicions openly.

A perfectly logical question she gave an honest answer to. "The experiment was started before the war." She started to deflate once again. "Had I known it would come to this... I... never would have..."

Just before her voice faded into nothing the monolith whirred loudly before disappearing completely. Her optics went huge and she started shaking. The plates of her body clinked gently, but audibly. "A Decepticon is here..."

An uproar immediately erupted from the Autobots. Some went on the defensive, seeking out the enemy. Others went on the offensive against the Constructor.

"I knew she couldn't be trusted!"

"Constructors only care about their experiments and creations!"

"She probably is a Decepticon herself!"

"She must have led them here!"

"I'm not a Decepticon!" Though she was quick and vocal in asserting this, she deflated quickly again. "But I may have led them here without meaning to." She shrank away from everyone, clutching her arms around herself.

"Enough!" Optimus's resonant voice silenced all others. He placed a firm hand on the Constructor's shoulder. "We will judge her guilt based on evidence after we eliminate the Decepticon threat."

The familiar whir of a plasma gun charging and firing in the distance ended any further discussion. Optimus did a quick head count and looked confused.

"The threat has been eliminated." The Constructor whispered looking over in the direction the sound came from.

"How can you be so certain?"

"My monolith is back." She pointed toward the source of the shot. Sure enough, one could see a peek of the monolith floating lazily in the air. Closer investigation revealed a small, smoking crater with the remains of a small Decepticon spy at the bottom. Her whole countenance grew grim as the monolith wafted to her side. "I warned you the nanobots are dangerous. Now the Decepticons likely know B-127 controls them."

“Your monolith is made of nanobots then?”

“Yes.” She answered quietly. “But they only respond to me. They cannot be overridden like the ones on this planet.” She turned to look at Bumblebee resolutely. “The Decepticons will stop at nothing to gain every advantage they can. If you will not help me save the experiment here. Please help me shut it down. The nanobots can be ordered to permanently fuse. Order them to fuse into batteries and all of you will have a viable source of Energon for the foreseeable future. Once it’s done, I’ll leave and never come back.”

Once again, Bumblebee pulled away.

“They will stop at nothing. The place where your Energon surged was a residential area. They will start there first.”

Bumblebee’s face instantly snapped back to hers.

“They will take hostages and once they do, those hostages will die. It doesn’t matter if you agree to help the Decepticons or not.”

Bumblebee looked visibly distressed now. His optics swiveled around for a moment before he shoved past the Constructor and turned into a bright yellow car with black stripes. As he did, the monolith disappeared again.

“We have to protect him at all costs!” The Constructor yelled and she took off after him on foot. A moment later she spotted an old, beat up truck from the 40s roll by. She quickly scanned it and used it as her cover. Following a faintly iridescent line of nanobots, she was able to follow Bumblebee even if she could in no way keep up with his reckless driving. Eventually she pulled in at a house at the end of a cul de sac. Bumblebee was honking his horn trying to get the attention of someone in the house.

“I wondered who could possibly be honking so much!” An older women excitedly declared as she rush out of the house. “Charlie’s going to be so excited to see you when she gets back, Bumblebee.”

Bumblebee struggled through finding the right song lyrics to convey the urgency of the situation. Seeing him struggle so, the Constructor spoke instead.

“Where did she go and when will she return?”

“Oh? A girl…” The older woman gave Bumblebee a knowing smile. “I’m so glad you found someone special, Bee~~~ I was just telling Charlie it would be nice if you found you a nice lady bot and settled down. She didn’t seem to like that for some reason.”

“It’s not that kind of arrangement. I am in need of his assistance.” The Constructor answered simply. “Where did Charlie go and when will she return?”

“She went to the store for me and should be back anytime now. Is… Is something the matter?” The woman was clearly worried now.

“No. I simply wanted a name. Bumblebee said Charlie gave him his name. She might select one for me as well.” It was pure fabrication to minimize collateral damage.

“Awe… That’s so sweet! I’m sure Charlie would be so happy to meet you and give you a name!” The older woman bought the explanation wholesale as a smile crept across her face that spoke to how adorable she thought the situation was. “There she is now!” She flailed her arms in a wave.

The pair of Cybertronians backed around to see a red car coming down the street. An arm reached out and started waving wildly. Suddenly, a shimmer on the air caused the view to be distorted.

“That vehicle…” The Constructor whispered.

The vehicle came to an abrupt stop causing Charlie to slam into the steering wheel. Bumblebee revved his engine in a hostile display. It was clear he already knew what the Constructor was about to say.

“That vehicle is a Decepticon.”

Bumblebee’s engine revved loudly again.

“B-127 if you would like this human returned unharmed you will come to the coordinates indicated on this tracker.” A map shot out of the glove box and fluttered to the ground, almost comically slow, in front of the Decepticon. With Charlie still inside, they turned into a plane and flew off.

Bumblebee shifted out of car form and pointed his plasma gun at the retreating plane. He quickly thought better of it since Charlie could get hurt if the Decepticon crashed or jettisoned her.

“We should regroup with the Autobots and plan our next move. There… there has to be a way to get her back safely without putting you or the planet in danger.”

The Constructor tugged on his arm but Bumblebee pulled himself free once again. Punctuating his disdain with a glare, visor still down. The radio blared static and it got the point across aptly.

“I lost everything and everyone I cared about.” She said quietly as she clenched her fists, metal scraping on metal showing just how tight her grip was. “I don’t like fighting, or war, or the Decepticons. If we’re being perfectly honest, I don’t really like any of you Autobots either because YOU’RE the ones who were doing all the fighting!” Her feet ground into the pavement causing it to crack and chip.

There was a long silence as Bumblebee stared at her taken aback when confronted with the fact there isn’t just one side in a war.

“But…” She started more calmly now. “Even though you couldn’t save all the innocent lives lost in this war…” She looked up at Bumblebee with determination. “You aren’t the ones who deliberately put them in danger to begin with. I could stop you from going. I could imprison you with my nanobots because you would be doing the EXACT same thing as the Decepticons. Deliberately putting all the innocent lives on this planet in danger for that one human. Are you prepared to bare the burden of responsibility if we fail? You and you alone?” She gave him a challenging poke to the chest.

His optics darted back and forth rapidly as he tried to process his response.

“Why do you fight, B-1… Excuse me…” She shook her head. “Why do you fight, Bumblebee?”

That single question seemed to harden his resolve. His optics focused on the Constructor before he nodded his head, radio whirred through stations until it spelled out his reason. It didn’t blare loud for all the world to hear. It was quiet and sincere.

“In that case,” She smiled slightly. “I’m not asking you to trust me, but let me help you.”

Bumblebee looked down at her outstretched hand and hesitated.

The Constructor smiled ruefully. “It is asking a lot, I suppose. Let’s go before it’s too late.” She glanced off where the Decepticon had gone briefly. “Please lead the way.”

Bumblebee shifted back into car mode and peeled away. Unlike the last time, he made sure the Constructor could nominally keep up with him. Traffic gradually gave away to open roads as they sped down a nearly abandoned access. After turning down a rough access road, the forest opened up to an abandoned mine. Standing cockily at the edge of the pit mine was the Decepticon. They bent over and picked up Charlie from where she sat bound in chains on the ground. They rattled ominously as the Decepticon held her in the air by the waist. Bumblebee’s radio whirred wildly as he skid to a stop by changing into his bot form. He was clearly worried for Charlie.

“We have come as you requested. Please release the human as agreed.”

“The agreement was for B-127 to cooperate with us. I have no use for you.” The Decepticon sneered as a needle shot up from the end of a slender digit. “Let’s make this interesting…” He stabbed the needle into Charlie’s neck.

Charlie let out a momentary scream of pain before gritting her teeth. “Don’t, Bee. Don’t help them.”

The Decepticon snickered before yanking the needle out. “Those are your Nanobots, C-377. The imperfect ones you left behind, but they’ll still drain this girl of all her energy.”

Bumblebee immediate bristled at this comment. His visor locked into place and his plasma gun primed.

“Ah… none of that. Shoot me and you won’t be able to stop the nanobots.” The Decepticon wagged a mocking finger at Bumblebee with a wicked grin.

Bumblebee lowered his gun rather begrudgingly.

“You are not in this alone.” The Constructor whispered encouragingly. “I will be very convincing.”

“So, what’s the verdict?”

Bumblebee sighed deeply and started walking forward with his hands up.

“B-127…” A sharp voice from behind him made him stop. “Would you really sacrifice all other life on this planet for one?”

Bumblebee spared her a sharp glance over his shoulder. It was then he noticed the shimmer and remembered what happened the last time her monolith disappeared. He gave her an understanding nod before focusing on Charlie again.

“Then you leave me no choice.”

Bumblebee didn’t look back again. One slow step in front of the other he marched towards the Decepticon. With his sole focus on Charlie, he missed the unsettling way they behaved. The Decepticon was very excited every time Bumblebee took a step forward. They did a happy little jig, jostling Charlie in the process.

The Constructor watched careful from behind until she noticed something. She soon noticed the Decepticon was only looking at the ground. That had to be important…

“Bumblebee! Do not take another step forward!” Using his real name signaled to him to stop. “It’s a trap! There’s something in the ground!”

Bumblebee looked around but didn’t see anything immediately in his path. He picked up his foot and set it down in a slightly different place. That slight movement was all it took to spring the trap. A burst of electricity rippled through his body overloading his circuits and sending a huge Energon burst out.

“BEE!” Charlie screamed desperately as she watched her friend fall to his knees. She kicked and screamed but couldn’t free herself.

“Perhaps you should start concerning yourself with your own situation. Your value as a hostage has been spent after all.” The Decepticon jeered as they eyed Charlie with a wicked jeer. Without a second thought, they tossed her into the pit.

Bumblebee tried to call out to her but his radio just bogged down and flickered like a car trying to start when there isn’t enough power. The last thing he saw before blacking out was Charlie disappearing over the edge.

The words of the Constructor echoed in his mind. “You are not in this alone.”

“I trusted you… That was a mistake.” The warnings flashing on his screens suddenly stopped. His optics snapped open. Before his very eyes, Charlie was levitating in the air, bounds removed. A faint shimmer covered her whole body and he realized she was covered in nanobots. He looked around wildly and saw the Constructor kiting the Decepticon around as they fired at her. She was fast, but extremely clumsy in her movements. He knew it was only a matter of time before she got hit.

He staggered to his feet, sensors still not fully recovered, and stumbled towards Charlie. After just a few steps, an electric jolt shot up around him. He prepared for another frying, but the shock never came. Instead, the electricity seemed to be diverting around him then disappearing completely.

“The nanobots can take any kind of energy and turn it into Energon.” The audio played back in his head. His gaze darted to the Constructor quickly. The horrible realization settled in: If her nanobots were helping him and Charlie, she was truly defenseless.

“I’m fine, Bee. I’m fine.” She smiled brightly for him as she looked up into his optics for a moment that seemed like an eternity. The trance seemed to break for both of them at the same time and they both collapsed into a hug. “I missed you so much…”

Bumblebee nuzzled her cheek as if to say he missed her too. He finally pulled away when a nearby explosion caught his attention.

“You should help her. I’ll just go hide over there.”

Bumblebee nodded stoically as his visor clicked into place. He turned towards where the Decepticon had the Constructor pinned to the ground. He fired his plasma gun to break them apart before charging forward.

Charlie watched for a moment before heading towards the cover of the trees. It quickly became apparent something was wrong as she had to push harder and harder just to move. All her limbs felt sluggish and heavy. The tiredness quickly started spreading to her mind as an overwhelming urge to sleep took her. The last thing she saw before darkness consumed her was the tree line and a fistful of leaves in her hand.

“Now how did you get free?” The Decepticon pondered as they squared off with Bumblebee. “Was it my vacillating former colleague?” They glanced down at the Constructor as she tried to drag herself away. “You are just full of tricks, aren’t you? But I think you’ve used them all up now!” They gave her a swift kick that sent her rolling towards Bumblebee.

“I will… take care of Charlie.” She pulled herself up and started retreating towards the fallen human.

With no other distractions to come between them, Bumblebee focused on the Decepticon. “You have a codename now too. My codename is Doppel. I have a twin named Ganger.” The Decepticon went on to explain they used to be Constructors too but now they work for the Decepticons.

After a few moments listening to Doppel’s prattling Bumblebee started firing.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you manners?!”

If ever Bumblebee wished he had his voice back it was now. Unable to deliver any sort of retort, he just kept firing. Unlike the other Constructor, Doppel clearly had some combat experience. Only some. This was not going to be as easy as he hoped, but still doable.

“Miss Charlie. Please wake up.” C-377 gently lifted Charlie into her arms.

“Just 5 more minutes…” Charlie muttered absently as she swatted at the air.

“Well she still has basic functions…” A quick scan revealed a glimmer of hope. “These nanobots are very old and extremely inefficient. It seems her body’s energy generation is outpacing their ability to absorb it as long as she is in maintenance mode.” The Constructor gave Charlie a troubled look as she tried to shut down the nanobots. “Not them too…” Her gaze shot up to Bumblebee.

“STOP! Don’t destroy him!”

Bumblebee looked back at C-377 incredulously.

“We need him to shut down the nanobots inside Charlie!” She scooped Charlie up and started walking toward the fighting pair. “You have control of my nanobots. Order them to isolate a sample of his Energon.”

“Like I would ever let that happen…” Doppel jeered from his place under one of Bumblebee’s feet.

Suddenly, Charlie let out a bloodcurdling scream.

“He overloaded the bots. We have to hurry or they’ll drain her dry then blow up!” She was frantic now as red warnings flooded her screens.

Blood red optics glared down at Doppel as Bumblebee grabbed his neck with a crushing grip. A long, thin needle grew out of his knuckle. He jabbed it into Doppel’s chest with far more force than was needed. The needle took on a red hue quickly as it filled with Energon.

“It’s not going to be enough…” Doppel jeered as he fell back to his knees. Those were the last words he ever said.

“Bumblebee! Hurry! I have to use that sample to hack the nanobots before they explode!”

Bumblebee turn and saw Charlie encased in the monolith. The monolith was taking on a red glow. C-377‘s expression became increasingly grim. “I… not enough time. Preservation protocol Alpha!” An explosive flash of light momentarily blinded them both.

“The nanobots created a pocket dimension where time moves at a fraction of what it does here.” C-377 explained as Bumblebee’s optics locked on the glowing sphere before him. “As you might imagine, that requires a large volume of energy. I need your help keeping it stable for a few more moments while I finish disabling the nanobots.” To emphasize this point, her energy collection wings were spread open wide and Energon coursed down her arms into the sphere.

Bumblebee tentatively reached out to sphere and solid plates former beneath his hands. Even before his hands touched the plates he could feel his energy to be pulled to his hands. He hesitated for a moment before pressing his hands to the plates. Instantly, the Energon started to drain from him in massive waves. His sensors indicated an eminent shut down in a matter of moments but he focused on Charlie. Suddenly, she was no longer obscured by the veil of energy and nanobots.

“Charlie?” He started at hearing his own voice.

“Who’s there?” Charlie spun around quickly. “BEE!” She ran up to him happily.

He scooped her up in an embrace. “I’m glad you’re all right.”

“Same, buddy. But… where are we and what’s going on?” She looked around confused by their surroundings.

“You were infected with Nanobots that were draining your energy and then were going to explode. That other Cybertronian put you in a pocket dimension while she shut them down.”

“Oh. No big deal then.” She seemed to take that news in stride. “And the Decepticon?”

“Destroyed.”

“So… I guess we just have to wait for her to finish and we’ll get out of here.” She sat down and patted the place besides her.

“Probably.” Bumblebee answered opting to settle in behind her and hug her midsection.

“Probably? You mean you don’t know?” Charlie looked a bit alarmed as she gripped Bumblebee’s hand.

“I’ve never worked with her before. In fact, we just met earlier today. I’m still not entirely convinced I can trust her.”

“She saved my life.” Charlie said simply. “She said every life is precious.”

“You trust her then?”

“I have no reason not to.”

“Then… I guess I can trust her too.” Though he said this begrudgingly still.

“How long have you been able to talk, by the way?” Charlie spun around to look him in the eyes again.

“How long have I been in here with you?”

“Does that mean you might not be able to talk once you get out of here?”

“Yeah.” Seeing the disappointment she was trying to hide made him regretful. “But I’ll always have the voice you gave me.” He tapped the radio gently.

“That’s true.” She seemed content with this as she settled her back against the plates of his chest again. “I don’t suppose you can pick up any stations in a pocket dimension, can you?”

“Probably not.” He sounded amused as he answered. Still, he gave the dial a spin anyways.

“B-127!” Familiar voices flooded the space. “I mean Bumblebee! Listen you have to let go! Your Spark is being absorbed!”

“That sounds bad.” Charlie mirrored the Constructor’s worry.

“It is. Our Spark is the thing that gives us life and makes us who we are.” He paused to look around. “I don’t know how to go back.”

Charlie immediately jumped to her feet and put her hands on his shoulders. “Bee! You… you have to find a way to go back! Your soul… Your soul is here and if you can’t get back your body you’ll be gone forever!” Tears streamed freely down her cheeks.

Charlie doesn’t cry for just anyone… She only cries for the people she really cares about…

“Don’t worry!” He wiped the tears from her cheeks with gentle thumbs.

“What did you do to C-377?!”

“I’m not going to leave you.” He took her hands from his shoulders and wrapped her in a warm embrace.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“No matter what…” He nuzzled her head to his chest.

“Who else could have done this?!”

“I’ll always be with you.” A barely audible whisper.

“I think… he did this himself.”

“Because I…”

The arguing voice over the radio faded to static all at once. A blinding flash ripped through the space and then, nothing. It took a long time for Charlie to resister the cold feeling of metal on her limbs. But once she did, her whole body went into hyper-drive. Her eyes snapped open and were greeted with the Autobots weapons drawn and pointed at her in the distance. In foreground was the blunt end of some very sharp looking spikes floating in the air. She spun around and saw the very haggard looking Constructor looking back at her with barely glowing eyes.

“Wow! What happened to you? Oh yeah a fight! If we go back to my garage I could fix you!” It was all one word spoken at an almost incomprehensible speed.

“Miss Charlie.”

“We could give you an awesome paint job too! OH! What kind of vehicle do you turn into?! I bet it’s some snazzy sports car!”

“MISS CHARLIE!” C-377 grabbed her by the arms carefully. “I need to focus right now, hard as that may be.” Her voice was failing and the glow in her eyes flickered. “Everything Bumblebee ever was, is, or will be is inside of you right now.” The Constructors cold hands slid down Charlie’s arms making the human focus on herself for the first time. Her whole body was glowing blue.

“His Spark?”

“Yes. You are the only one who can bring him back now.” She gestured to Bumblebee’s lifeless body beside them.

“You big idiot.” Charlie whispered in exasperation as she crawled up next to his head. “When you said you weren’t going to leave me, did you really think I’d be happy with this?” She rested her hands on his faceplates and put her forehead to his. “If you’re not here, what’s the point?” Her whole body started to glow brighter. The glow travelled up her body and grew brightest where she touched Bumblebee. Once all the glow had faded, there was a long moment of uncertainty.

Radio static broke the silence and Bumblebee’s optics slowly lit up. A collective sigh of relief filled the air, none louder than the Constructor’s. She slumped over on her side and rolled short distance away as the spikes her nanobots created melted away to nothing. As the revelry around her reached a fever pitch she tried to summon up the strength to form her monolith again. The transparent wings on her back flickered dimly but could not generate any power.

“Overheated…” She muttered bitterly. She let out a tired sigh. “Bumblebee.” She called out to him but he couldn’t hear over the celebration. “Bumblebee.” A bit louder this time. “BUMBLEBEE!” She yelled as loud as she could finally garnering the attention of the others. The looks were not entirely kind but she endured it anyways.

“I cannot access my monolith at this time. You are the only one who can shut down the experiment on this planet.” She reached up weakly and offered him a small stick made out of nanobots. “This has all the instructions you need to order the nanobots to permanently fuse into Energon batteries. I suggest having them coalesce in a secure location. It will take quite some time for all of them to fuse.”

Bumblebee was quick to shake his head.

“You still don’t trust me. I cannot blame you on this.” She replied defeated.

He quickly shook his head. The radio spun through countless stations and static but nothing of use for what he wanted to say came up. Now it was his turn to sigh. Then his head quirked up and he looked a bit disturbed.

“Please speak your mind now.” C-377 said wearily.

“Hello?” Bumblebee spoke tentatively. Everyone looked shocked. “You… should be the one to finish it. See this through to the end. That is… one of the principles of the Autobots.”

“You have shown yourself an ally. I hope in time we can come to some kind of better understanding.” Optimus spoke clearly and definitively.

“With all due respect, Master Prime, I have no interest in siding with the Autobots or the Decepticons. I would like to try to remain neutral. However, it is clear the Decepticons and I do not share one important core value.”

“Every life is precious.” Charlie answered quietly.

“Yes. Hate me if you must, but I refuse to be a tool of destruction.” She clasped her fingers around the bar in her hand. “That’s why I have to shut down all the experiments.” She dropped the bar into Bumblebee’s hand. “And why I can’t join you right now. Please finish this for me so I can move on to the next planet.” She gave him a wry smile. “Besides, they won’t respond to me anyways.”

Bumblebee looked suddenly bashful, perhaps because he remembered why they would only respond to him. Still, he took the stick this time. With that out of the way, the Constructor shut down.

 “Couldn’t she at least pick a 40s streetrod or something? No. She picks a rusted out… Something…” Charlie groaned as she wiped the sweat from her brow. “But she cleans up great once you give her a nice buff and shine.”

Bumblebee beeped with approval from the driveway.

“Do you think she’ll ever wake up?”

The chorus to “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey started playing.

“Yeah… It’s only been a few days.” Charlie wandered over to Bumblebee and climbed in the driver seat. “How about you? How long are you going to be in town?”

The chorus to “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell started playing.

“Yeah. I figured you could only stick around until she left. Optimus filled me in on Constructors and how they got their bad reputation. Not siding with anyone made a lot of people think they were turning a blind eye to all the death and destruction. I bet some of them were just scared of getting used to do bad stuff.”

“Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie started playing.

“Why… is there so much noise?” There was a loud thud and the pair looked into the garage. The Constructor was in bot form ducking to keep from hitting the ceiling seemingly for a second time.

“She’s a wake!” Charlie beamed hopping to her feet.

“It would seem I have been repaired as well. Do I have you to thank for this, Miss Charlie?”

“Looks like you picked up some country when you scanned that pickup. What with the Miss Charlie and all.” Charlie poked fun of the Constructor with a fake Southern accent.

“I suppose my speech patterns were slightly altered. I will correct them.”

“Nah, it gives you character! Like all those, uh, dents and stuff!” Charlie vaguely motioned to a large dent on the bot’s posterior.

“I see. I did just scan the first vehicle I came across.”

“How about something like this?” Charlie showed her a full spread of a street rod in a magazine.

“It does have a certain aesthetic appeal. However, it will have to wait for another time. I must leave now and complete my mission.” She looked to Bumblebee grimly. “Did you?”

“The battery thing?” Charlie looked between them quickly. “Yeah there are already so many of them!”

Bumblebee turned around and popped the trunk to reveal two batteries. The Constructor reached down and took one out. A faint smile came across her face.

“I’m glad to see my proof of concept was valid. But in making the nanobots so adaptable so they could gather energy harmlessly… I created something truly terrible. I cannot apologize enough for all the danger I put you both in.” She carefully put the battery back in his trunk.

“So how many more experiments do you have to shut down?” Charlie asked looking to the Constructor.

“Nine. But they can be shut down remotely assuming my back up bases weren’t found and destroyed by the Decepticons. Then it’s just a matter of collecting the batteries.” A desolate air settled over her. “Though, I have no idea what to do with them now that Cybertron has fallen.”

“Collect them for the day when we reclaim Cybertron. Or, for when we make a new home for our people.” The brightly painted and ostentatious Semi tractor said from the street.

“Master Prime.” The constructor looked startled for a moment but quickly regained composure. “I will look forward to that day.”

She took a few steps forward and turned back into a truck.

“Hey wait!” Charlie grabbed her tailgate to keep her from moving. “You need a codename! That way you can communicate and no one will know it’s you!”

“A codename? Like Bumblebee?”

“Yeah!”

“I wouldn’t know how to decide on such a thing. Please call me whatever you wish, Miss Charlie.”

“Then I’m calling you Seraphim!”

“When I return, you will have to explain to me it’s meaning and why you chose it for me.” With that she pulled away and followed Optimus down the road, a faint shimmer distorted the air as she went.

“Aren’t you going with them?” Charlie looked to Bumblebee expectantly.

“Push it” by Salt-n-Pepa started playing as Bumblebee slowly drove towards her. She backed up into the garage with a confused expression.

“Do you know what that song is about, Bee?” He didn’t answer as the garage door slid down. “Don’t you tease me, Bee.”

[auburnflight]

Why Rinkah is amazing and underappreciated:

Rinkah is such a wonderfully complex character, and I appreciate that. In terms of both appearance and personality, she creates a very strong, particular first impression, as a “hardened warrior” and as the sole representative of the Flame Tribe among the game’s major characters. The other characters and the game itself often view her through these two lenses, but I find it intriguing to delve into just how many layers are beneath that impression.

Keeping others at a distance by default and being cautious about the connections she forms, when she’s from a small, highly individual tribe that has also suffered marked breaches of trust in the past, makes sense. As she describes in her supports with Corrin, it tends to be outsiders who extinguish the eternal flame that her tribe keeps burning; sometimes these outsiders do so out of malice, and sometimes out of simple insensitivity. This policy of keeping outsiders at a distance is often described in dialogue as a “law,” but other times as more of a “guideline.” And indeed, Rinkah seems to understand it (even if not on a conscious level) as a way of framing one’s thinking, rather than an absolute to which one should adhere. She is described on the surface as “aloof,” but I think it’s more complicated than that: more that she dedicates her entire heart and being to whatever she does, wherever she decides to be, and she demands that same level of respect and seriousness from others.

Clearly, Rinkah has a very strong sense of self. And she invests a lot into whatever pursuits she’s focusing on, and into herself as a person. Whether it’s food (as in her conversations with Hayato), free time (in the overworld and one-on-one interactions), or other people (in her supports with Saizo), she doesn’t like wasting; once she decides something is important to her, she strives to treat it with the utmost value. As a result, she isn’t interested in idle chatter or superficial connections. Perhaps this is one reason that she is so cautious of Corrin at first, in spite of owing them a debt: the Nohrian noble has apparently earned a widespread reputation for being naive, and Rinkah reads their initial attempt at conversation accordingly. Maybe this means in some cases, she’s predisposed to forming preconceptions about other people, which may or may not prove true later. But part of this is also holding others to the same high standards to which she holds herself: she naturally invests considerable energy in wherever she decides to focus, and she wants to make sure this energy won’t go to waste on someone who is only interested in surface-level interaction, who won’t respect her for entire self.

And perhaps because she aims to be treated accordingly, she may not be comfortable with what she perceives to be her own weaknesses. For instance, her supports with Kaze reveal that she actively hides her sweet tooth, arguing that it’s not something everyone needs to know about, and she responds defensively when he shows concern. Even though her love for sweets isn’t inherently a weakness, she sees it as something that could potentially cause others to treat her differently from how she would prefer (for example, doting on her or seeing her as childish). Kaze points out that she seems focused on maintaining false appearances. But it’s not necessarily that Rinkah wants to lie to herself or other people. It may be that, opposite of her initial impression, she is actually quite sensitive to others.

Not so much in the sense that she would change who she is based on what others think. And in fact, as we see from supports such as Oboro trying to convince her to eat with utensils instead of her hands, she generally refuses to compromise on who she is just based on others’ ideas, unless they can frame this change as advantageous to her in some way. Rather than letting fear of others’ opinions control her, it’s more that she wants to make sure others understand who she is and how highly she thinks of herself (if this isn’t obvious from her very first instance of dialogue in the game, in chapter 3: “I am Rinkah! Daughter of the Flame Tribe’s honorable Chieftain!”). She sees herself as independent, unafraid and unwavering, and strives for others to have this same impression. She even admits this directly in her parent-child supports with Velouria, who is very physically affectionate: when Rinkah accepts a hug from her daughter Velouria, she says to herself, “I hope no one thinks I’ve gone soft...”

But as proud as she is, Rinkah is not entirely too stubborn to admit her own weaknesses when the situation prompts it. Contrary to her outward feelings about her flaws, for the most part, she demonstrates that she’s actually very good at confronting them. Like anyone else, sometimes she suffers lapses in judgment, acting impatient towards others when they don’t listen to her initial requests to leave her alone, responding quite defensively when others comment on her temper, or being more critical of others’ perspectives than maybe the situation warrants. But given space, she consistently realizes this: she returns to the issue, apologizes, understands others’ perspectives, and seeks to set things right. 

Therefore, her sensitivity also comes in the form of being an active listener and an excellent communicator. Exactly because she holds herself in such high regard, she knows when her actions are inconsistent with who she is. She knows when she needs to speak with others about overstepping boundaries, whether her own or someone else’s. And even if it means momentarily swallowing her pride, she uses her mistakes as opportunities for growth wherever possible. 

And I think that’s one of the most respectable things about her. She doesn’t let her strong ideas about herself keep her from growing--if anything, this only furthers her desire to constantly improve, to meet and expand her own expectations of herself. She’s painfully aware of her temper as one of her most immutable weaknesses, but even so, she’s able to obtain the skills to better grapple with it when, in their supports, Ryoma begins to teach her the art of meditation. Such developments occur not only emotionally, but in her physical self as well. Her support conversations (for example, with Hinata and Kagero) often detail her acutely picking up new ideas and fighting techniques from her allies.

How does this all interact with the values of her tribe that she so persistently upholds? The Flame Tribe is said to particularly value their individual identity and independence, and therefore to interact with outsiders as little as possible. But as one finds fulfillment and meaning in forming bonds with others, and as by nature it would be near impossible to participate in the war effort alone, does this mean that Rinkah’s involvement with her allies beyond what is necessary to fight is in opposition to her tribe’s policies? Not necessarily. Rinkah explains in her supports with Keaton that to the Flame Tribe, to be independent means “We are committed to walking our own path, despite what others say or do. We do not compromise, we do not beg for aid, and we do not sell our loyalty.” And thus, the ways in which she so rigidly maintains her sense of self in her interactions with the other characters closely follows these ideas. It’s not about refusing to interact with others or even preferring to be alone; it’s about knowing, at one’s core, who one feels they are as a person, and not going against that core sense of self for the sake of others. 

So I would venture that one of Rinkah’s primary motivations is creating a space where she can uphold that sense of self. This may also be why she potentially reads as closed-off and unwilling to show vulnerability: she places enormous importance on maintaining her own space, both physically and mentally. She does open up to others, given the trust that they will take her just as seriously as she takes herself and them, and given the space to make her own decision to do so. Going back to her conversations with Kaze, in their later supports, she is happy to eat the sweets he offers if left by herself in peace. (Kaze’s decision to go along with her blaming her obvious hunger on an imaginary “mouse,” by simultaneously taking Rinkah’s words seriously and finding an avenue to get her to her to listen to him, is very perceptive.) I think this is also the reason that being imprisoned in the prologue is one of the most significant challenges Rinkah could possibly face in her character arc: all of her power and freedom to make decisions for herself is taken away, no less as a result of obeying her father’s orders to join Hoshido’s war effort--something she had her own reservations about to begin with, and went along with anyway.

Kaze is also highly perceptive in realizing that Rinkah is concerned in keeping up an appearance of being independent and perhaps difficult to approach--though as I’ve already summarized, I would argue this is more just the facet that she wishes to show of herself foremost than it is entirely “false.” Though it’s only a subtle part of her initial read, there is kindness, even gentleness, in her greetings to Corrin as they travel around the castle, in the phrases that she uses when supporting other characters in battle (“No need to be afraid”), and in her concern for others’ safety (which is what starts off her supports with Subaki). And this kindness grows to be a more visible part of her mannerisms as she builds trust and grows closer to others. She’s more comfortable making light banter with the other characters, like Charlotte and Kaden, in their later supports. She goes from using the somewhat rough-mannered third-person pronoun omae to calling Corrin by their name. And if the player marries her and Corrin together, it’s clear that she speaks and uses other qualities of her voice in a completely different manner with someone she’s very close to: she speaks in a somewhat higher pitch, in contrast to the low-toned, sometimes almost growling voice that she favors in other contexts. Clearly, it’s not that she cares little for other people, as her outward demeanor might suggest to those who aren’t familiar with her. It’s that she’s very intentional about to where and to whom she dedicates her energy and trust. Realizing that some people may pose a danger to her tribe and that keeping her distance is one of their policies is a part, but not the only aspect, of this. 

(I think this makes her an interesting contrast to Corrin, who is freely kind to everyone; because of this trait, others fear that Corrin is far easier to manipulate or take advantage of. Corrin’s kindness is related to their sense of self in a very different way from how it is related to Rinkah’s.)

Clearly, Rinkah has a very impactful initial read as a character, yet she is also highly nuanced, and her psychology as a character certainly facilitates deeper exploration. I feel this complexity is particularly apparent in contrast to many characters in Awakening or even some others in Fates, who have distinctive quirks but can sometimes fall short of being developed further as characters beyond that initial read. (I delve more into why this might be the case in another piece linked to in the “source” section of this post.) Could she read as short-tempered, stubborn, and hard to approach? Of course. But she can also be seen as passionate, loyal, perhaps surprisingly sensitive, and dedicated wholly to maintaining her sense of rightness and her sense of self. She’s a formidable warrior with, like any other well-executed and likable character, her own moments of vulnerability and internal conflict, even if she doesn’t always readily allow them to surface.

[piccolina-mina]

The dynamics on this show are interesting, but I love how there are groupings because so many of them have such similarities. Objectively speaking, even characters you find unfavorable or unlikable are often in some way similar to characters you like. Like you have:

The Runners - Liz, Alex, and Rosa

Liz didn't used to be a runner which makes her so interesting. She said something broke in her after Rosa died and she was restless ever since. Running was something she resented in her mother and Rosa, but then she ended up doing the same thing. She and Alex, they're good at running towards things they can make sense of, concrete things, purpose: running towards science and achievement, war and battle, danger, but they run away from feelings.

Those are terrifying and harder to make sense of. Feelings and connections. In all of their relationships (friendships and romantic: Diego, Arturo, Maria, Michael), they always have one foot out of the door. It's not that they don't love someone or care, they show all of that in their own ways but it takes work for them to not bolt. They're fighting against their nature. It's survival and self- preservation. Rosa runs to escape too. Ironically, while the other two run for themselves, Rosa does too but also runs for everyone else. She thinks it's better to put a divide between her and the world.

The Internalizers - Kyle, Alex, and Max

This group, fks me up on a personal level because of this, but many of the characters have a bit of this quality, but these three really embody this to the hilt. But they all showcase it differently.

Kyle functions the best. He functions so well people don't even realise or consider he has problems. He's good at giving the illusion that he's sharing more than he really does, and he's great at coaxing other people to be more open, but he doesn't always practice what he preaches. He holds onto the past a lot in part because he doesn't want to repeat it. But that boy has internal battles, and no one really notices. The two people who do are Liz and Alex, but both are runners, and one is a heavy internalizer too.

Alex is one of those internalizers who feels everything but doesn't emote and show it. So he comes across like he's unfazed, but he keeps everything in. It's possible it's an effect of his abusive childhood. It's a conscience effort for him to express most feelings and he distributes them carefully and usually with specific intentions.

Max is the most emotionally open but he's the sort who internalizes blame like no other. It's actually funny that so many fans hate him because he would just take that totally accept it. He'll take blame for things whether it was his fault or not. Guilt eats away at him. He's the poster child for depression out of the three aliens. Hides his pain, sadness, most of his feelings that affect him and him alone, he buries.

The Caretakers - Maria and Kyle

They take care of people. Often at their own expense. There's a reason why Liz feels safe with Kyle, why Alex despite their history is less guarded with Kyle. There's a reason why Liz can confide in Maria. Why Michael responds to Maria, Why Max is at ease around Maria. Kyle and Maria are natural nurturers without even trying to be. They probably have the warmest vibes around them.

They make people gravitate to them with their personality and energy. They're the reason there are quotes about protecting your space, because they have a draw that the wrong people will siphon from at it can be at their own expense.

They take care of people, but they don't have people taking care of them often. They present themselves as if they don't need it. Kyle allows himself to be "a distraction" but also hints at wishing his needs were met too. Maria takes care of her mom without complaint but also doggedly pursues anything that can make her mom better because she misses her mom but she's also tired.

They're the emotional support characters everyone leans on. They tend to needs: physical, emotional, sxual, and mental.

*caveat. Max can also fall into this too. Some of his caretaking is out of guilt (Arturo) but he shows this most with his siblings. Later on with Liz. His entire life is the three of them. But it's limited. We saw that with how neglectful he was with Cam, how it doesn't extend to his mother etc.

The Fixers - Michael and Liz

This is probably why the Science Bros is so appealing even though Michael often treats Liz like trash. They're both highly intelligent, STEM geared, and born and bred fixers. If you have a problem, they can pull off some of the emotional labor (we see that with Liz and Maria when she's made aware and Liz and Isobel and Michael and Isobel and Michael and Maria), but they're fixers first and foremost.

That's why they work so well together and probably will be at the forefront of getting Max back if Michael can keep it together. Michael is the most literal fixer. A handy man and mechanic, the go to for any fix. He's not calculated though. He's impulsive and wants immediacy. He jumps into the first solution he wants it fixed now.

Liz wants it fixed right. She weighs the options and has to figure out the best solution. So they're so similar in that regard but still clash. But that's how they both end up dragged to a healer in the desert. Do they believe it? No. But a fix is a fix.

The Moral Compasses/Arbiters - Kyle, Liz, Cam

Kyle and Liz are definitely the moral compasses of the gang. They're balanced and fair. They run on both logic and emotion effectively. When one threatens to supersede the other, they catch it and correct it. They're driven by what's right. They're moral and conscientious. You can trust that they're always pointed at due north. They have codes they live by. Affirmations.

Cam is like this too. It's interesting how she was set up to be an antagonist, but what's right was prioritized over personal gain. She didn't compromise her ethics even for her sister. She lost her job doing what was right at her own expense.

The Masked Posers - Isobel and Alex

Posers isn't meant negatively, but I couldn't think of a better way to word it. Just FYI.

These two spend so much time hiding behind a carefully crafted facade and mask that sometimes they lose sight of themselves. They both ended the season having to meet themselves in the mirror. Alex is tapping back into who he was (that leather jacket 😍) and Isobel has to figure out who she is outside of Noah and Max.

They're shackled by image and projecting specific ones. But their masks crack and you see bits of what's behind them. They have the most prominent and consistent identity issues.

The Survivors/Outlaws/Rebels - Michael, Maria, Rosa

They're all survivors in their own way, but these three have a very distinctive style. Virtual outcasts of the town. Who they were was decided by outsiders whether they fit the profile or not.

They do what they have to do to survive, and they don't compromise or make apologies for it. They are who they are and they own it.

They're the ones who are inclined to break the rules or laws. Michael and Maria are both hustlers who do what they need to in order to make ends meet. Rosa self-medicated to survive. Michael is the known troublemaker and rabble rouser, Rosa is the town pariah and stain, Maria is the weirdo.

The Protectors - Michael, Max

The brothers probably clash so much because they'll both do whatever it takes to protect their people, but they don't always agree on how to do that. They will fight for you if they care.

Max can extend this farther and does since he's a cop. Michael protects the people he cares about and doesn't give a damn about anyone else. That circle is very small. So far, he protects Isobel, Max, Alex, and Maria. That's it.

The Riders - Michael, Maria, Cam

They are ride or die for their people. No questions asked. Even if you're fking up. They'll bitch but have your back. They will ride shotgun to your crazy every time.

Michael visibly didn't agree with things Isobel did or suggested and verbally and physically disagreed with Max a lot, but he'll still ride with you until the wheels fall off.

Maria endlessly supports and held a decade long grudge on Rosa's behalf. Knew a lot about Rosa and how troubled she was but was her ride or die anyway.

Cam knew Max was lying to her and put up with a lot, but she had his back the whole time.