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chittapornswife · 6 years ago

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Bff!to Bf!Jaemin AU (on crack)

whoever reads this all, honestly, i will write u down on the list of ppl who deserve prayers bc,,, this is one huge au for absolute no reason like I wrote the first half at night while high on sugar & the 2nd part has just been continuous throughout last week. You’ll also know where the 1st half ends cause it’s like,,,, super crack-filled... anyways! hope you enjoy! (also just realized this is my longest piece...)

sidenote: thirsty for more anon, my apple pie u don't deserve this but my phone deleted half of closer pt 2 today so I'm trying to rewrite it rn but I'm sorry:(

genre: fluff x some angst word count: 5.25K warnings: explicit language, like 1 suggestive remark? type: jaemin x reader! (gender neutral)

summary: a crack au induced by my sugar high and basically you tryna find out if you like your best-friend Jaemin or not ft. NCT 2018

Imma be real WITCHU

U and Na Jaemin?

Two best-friends that don't even know they love each other?

Yuh.

Like everything y'all do is what couples do

But you'll always deny that you like each other

Because you srsly don't feel that way with him

Or well like you don't know how love or liking someone is supposed to feel like

But you associate it with that your heart is supposed to start beating fast and you're supposed to get sweaty and like butterflies and keep thinking about him and messaging him all the time and-

basically all that cute shit

but you've never felt that way around him

I mean cmon

Jaemin literally flirts with u every second of the day and does the most with skinship

Except,,,

He does that with everyone so it isn't somethin to get oooooo'ed over nor to be like blushing about

also,,

this is the dude you've seen run around the place with a pair of underwear on his head when you guys were like 9

the same dude who accidentally sharted on your bed because of diarrhea when y'all were 12

Sharted.

Nuff said

The only thing you feel around him is comfort

Like no matter what happens, you'll always be comfortable around him

You can do whatever and he can do whatever and y'all just won't flinch or bat an eye

Because it's (y/n) and jaemin

The only people closer to each other besides markhyuck

And once jaemin gets into sm and nct

You thought that everything was gonna change

Except it didn't,,,, really,,,,

Like instead of being able to freely walk around and do stuff together

Y'all gotta do it incognito or at your house or at his dorms

Most of the time y'all go to his dorm

But honestly it isn't as bad cause ur still together plus

Plus,,,,

U gain some new friends through him

Aka the other members of nct

And it's a lot of fun just with the two of you and his friends

Also,,,, speaking of nct,,,,

They think y'all are secretly dating

But don't wanna tell anyone

And I mean like who can blame them???

When you both are out here sitting on a couch, watching tv

Jaemin's head in your lap facing you

And you're running your hands through his hair

Which slowly makes the soft boi fall asleep

And the dreamies come back to the dorm to see this like

Aiggghhhtttttt

And u say y'all aren't dating?

Cute lies (y/n) cute lies

And Chenle is in the corner laughing like a pterodactyl which of course wakes up Jaemin

Who gets up and is like

“U guys ate food without me?????" >:(

"Bro, u were too passed out on (y/n) to even know lmao we still got somethin back for u cause we're actually decent human beings WHO don't go out on dates with (y/n) then bring back nothing" Renjun scoffs and walks up to y'all droppin a bag u assume has the food

"It was one time. One damn time I didn't bring back anything and that!!! Was because!!!! It was!!! Midnight!!! And yalls!!!! Lazy asses!!!! Were asleep!!!!!"

Jaemin gets off you, shooting back at a Renjun in disbelief who's like

Appalled and has that "boi u did not just say that to me" face goin on

Meanwhile Jeno hits the folks with Jisung and ur just sitting there like

“Can't we have just one normal night?"

As Jaemin and Renjun get into a battle of who brings back food to the dorms the most

And Mark pops outta no where to lecture them on their friendship

K fast forward a bit,,,,

Y'all end up eating while the dreamies head back to their rooms, leaving u two in the living room devouring the food like animals

Except jisung, who's just chillin watchin tv

And for some reason u don't know why,,, that kinda feels awkward???

Like on any other day it'd be fine if he's sitting there cause y'all ain't dating or anything

But recently,,, since you've gotten so close to all of them

It feels kinda weird when it isn't just you and Jaemin????

And you kinda panic at this thought

So u get up while Jaemin's got his arms wrapped around your waist under the blanket and resting his head on your shoulder

And he's like "????? Where u goin????"

You rack your head for any excuse and manage to blurt out

"Uhhhhhh Taeyong just messaged me that he uhhh needs my help with something. I can't rlly say right now but I'll be back."

Let's be real here

Jaemin obvs knows ur lying

Like with ur stuttering and shifty eyes like u just committed some crime

But he doesn't say anything and lays back on the couch

Cause he trusts you and knows that you'll tell him later

So for now, my man chillaxes with jisung who's lowkey sobbing over some sad soap drama and dabbing his eyes

U kinda just yeet on outta there and walk up the next floor which is 127's floor

And while you had to walk thru actual filth to get out of the dreamies dorm

You can actually see the floor here and it's so pretty????

Anyways, u knock on their door

which is instantly opened by a scholarly looking Doyoung wearing thin-rimmed circular glasses and holding a thick philosophy book

Y'all

Don't even get me started on his fit

Ok I've started

Homeboy Do is out here with a pair of dark slacks, a white button up with a pink sweater vest and to top it all off?

He's wearin duck slippers

"A pleasure to see you again (y/n), are you looking for Jaemin? He should be in the dreamies dorm unless he went out with them to eat but you'd already know that."

"I'm uh here to talk with someone."

You lowkey realize you don't know who to talk to cause they all seem like not so great options to talk with

Since you don't know them as well as the idiots on the first floor

Doyoung pushes up his glasses and looks at you with this wistful teary-eyed look saying,

"It's time."

He looks out into the hall before pulling you in then walks away over to the kitchen saying,

"Have a seat (y/n), I'll make us some tea."

But you're like "uhhhh I'm not staying for that long lol"

Cue Doyoung's head to whip faster than a possessed acrobatic sayin

"u ain't goin no where hun."

So you're like ohokcool I'll jus sit down and hope there's another 127 member here to witness my death unless they're all possessed.

Ok ya, so u sit on the couch and once he puts the water to start boiling on the stove he comes over to u

And ur hands are all sweaty and ur nervous because you wanna ask him why you don't feel as comfortable around Jaemin when you're with others

But you're also like ummmuhhhhhhyaaaerrrr can't do this shit.

Doyoung speaks first tho

bless the lord

But what he says makes u sweat more

"I take it you'd like to ask me about Jaemin?"

U nod slowly holding onto the couch wondering if he rlly is possessed and can read minds now because what

But he smiles like a proud mother, his bunny teeth showing as he chokes out emotionally,

"I've waited for this moment for so long and (y/n)"

Grabs your hands in his with his eyes shining

"I am more than glad you came to me. I am honoured you chose me and not the other dumbasses picking their noses. I am more than honoured to have you trust in me your deepest of secrets. I will help you to the greatest my child. Tell me."

"Uhhhhhh ummmm I just wanted to ask uh like so whenever I'm around Jaemin and the dreamies or other members of nct, it feels weird??? Like idk how to explain but it's awkward and uncomfortable and idk why because this just happened recently and I've never felt this way before and-"

Doyoung jumps up scaring the absolute shit outta you and shrieks, "YOU LOVE HIM (Y/N)."

Ok thx for wakin up the whole city of Seoul Dodo

But he's breathing heavily with happy tears in his eyes while you're still sitting there like

Wtf typa crack are u on I regret this v v much

At this point, Taeyong and the dudes walk outta their rooms like wtf is goin on

And they see you

and in unison they all say,

"hey (y/n)"

which highkey always freaks you out cause it's so in sync and robotic

But you wave back and gesture to crackhead heavy breathin Doyoung

Whom is instantly then taken away by Yuta & he looks at you and hits his chest with a fist, nodding like

I gotchu fam

U do the same back meanwhile nct starts sittin around you

Like taeil's grandpa ass is on da couch with jungwoo donghyuck sicheng

Basically the smol group

And johnny taeyong mark are on the floor

jaehyun's the only one lookin after the tea which ur surprised hasn't burned the place down

but the only reason why he's doin that is to send a snap to all the girls he knows like a proper fuccboi and be like

"makin food for my lazyass members again🙄 istg I'm like the only one who does this😂"

ok but back to u and 127

"So you're here to talk about Jaemin or wha?" Donghyuck speaks up

This breaks the silence and they all start sayin a "yeah" and just mumbling other stuff

Until taeyong's like "y'all shut up let em speak"

Boomin system up up😔✊🏽 bless ty, bless ty

Then the whole room falls dead silent except for Doyoung yelling at Yuta in another room about how u and Jaemin are the cutest thing ever

Jaehyun even drags his ass to where y'all are and they just stare at you

As if all 8 eyes on you aren't intimidating or whateva

but u still decide to spill

"Uh ok. Um I just asked Doyoung uh like how should I say it um,,,, I used to feel comfortable being around Jaemin and the dreamies but nowadays it feels weird and awkward and like idk-"

"Bitch u like him, nothin new, NEXT"

Donghyuck waves u off rollin his eyes

"Hoe stfu and let her speak"

Mark smacks Hyuck on the back of his head

It's all silent for a couple of seconds until Johnny speaks up

"I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this but, I agree with Hyuck." Johnny looks a 110% regretful at his own words

And the whole room murmurs a yeah

And ur like ????? "Guys I do not like his crusty dusty ass trust✊🏽"

But jungwoo's giving you the side eye like "rlly bitch? Is u rlly gon say that?"

And ur givin him the "um ya I don't like him like that" look

But he's just rollin his eyes like "k queen, u do u"

And ur boutta hit him with that "stfu hoe u don't know shit" look

But then Taeil cuts in like "tf r y'all doin with yo eyes??"

You just sigh and rub your face not knowing what to say because no matter where u go, everyone's tellin you you like him

"Why don't you just ask him if he feels that way too? Or actually, why don't you just think to yourself and see if you can go at least three days without making any contact with him." Jaehyun says

Sorry.what. Is this from Mr. Player Jung Jaehyun???

all of the guys look at him like he's gone crazy

But he just shrugs and casually goes, "What? just cause I text 24 girls doesn't mean I don't miss talking to every one of them."

And they murmur a true to which ur like ????? He legit just uttered the worst thing ever????

But you're like thinking real hard cause what if you just miss him as a best-friend???

"But y'all best-friends stay in touch a whole lot sooooo that wouldn't prove much." You say, lounging back

"But best-friends aren't up each other's asses every single second of the day. If so I'd be right up in Mark's colon by now."

"Donghyuck-" "Dude wtf-" "Man please don't-" "Not even gonna try-"

But you kind of think about it and he is somewhat right

You and Jaemin have always been in touch like almost everyday since you two have known each other

Even more so now when you can't meet up on a regular basis

So you're like "okay,

Okay I'll do it."

And all of 127's like ????? Ur actually gonna believe this kid???

But the thing is you are. Even if he has a weird way of saying things. He's right.

And that's just what you do.

You do your handshake with all of the members and yell out a "bye yuta & Doyoung!!"

Before going back downstairs to the dreamies dorm

Where Jaemin's still lounging and Jisung's nowhere to be seen

"What did u guys talk about?" He casually asks, eyes still on the tv

"Oh u know, he just needed an opinion on someone he liked and since I wouldn't give him a dumb reply like the others, he asked me for it."

"Mhmmmm." He says believing you, before patting the seat beside him for you to sit

And you oblige, letting him throw his blanket over you and snuggle closer

his familiar scent all up on you

come to think of it, y'all hang out & do skinship so much that all of your clothes smell like him

his soft breath hits your neck and u clear your mind to try to focus on what to say next

"Just say u don't wanna see his uglyass face for 3 days." Donghyuck's voice pops in your head.

"Tell him you're movin to China for 3 days" Sicheng's voice pops up now

* But ur like thinking SHUTUP Hyuck & thnk u sicheng I lov u but he won't believe it

"Just tell him you have some school thing you forgot to do and it's due in 3 days so you can't hang out or go on your phone." For some reason Doyoung's voice pops up

But it's good advice from the usually extra preppy queen

So ur like "hey, I forgot to tell you earlier but I got this dumbass assignment I gotta do and it's due in like 3 days so I gotta go back now."

You feel his soft breath stop and he gets up, looking at you

Those soft confused brown eyes, warming up your- snap out of it (y/n)

"Also," you try to look as apologetic as your grade 6 level acting skills let you,

"I won't be able to really talk to you for the next couple of days cause of that."

Jaemin pouts and cocks his head to the side

And the inner u is like "stay strong BICTH u can make it thru the puppy faces."

"Why can't I just help you with it if it's going to be so time-consuming?"

The brain cells in your head stop and are like "Boi. If u don't shut up and let this plan happen istg-"

Meanwhile ur on the outside like "It's for Science and it has to do with stuff we're learning rn so I think it'll be a burden for you to do all that with me."

He shrugs, "It's not a burden if I'm doing it for you"

Ya ok audience go wild

But ur like used to this cute shit so u just roll eyes like "aight still a no but thanks."

And he just huffs & goes back to snuggling with you

"Don't leave me aloneeeee (y/n)"

"Girl if u don't let go of me rn I'll shove you off I swear."

Jaemin lets go of you right away because he doesn't want another bruise from smackin the ground after u shoved him one time

And you ruffle his hair as a way of saying goodbye then tell him to go sleep in his room so he doesn't fall asleep in the living room for the hundredth time

Yet before you leave, you still turn off the lights so his eyes don't hurt in case he does fall asleep

Aight. Diary time!! ^^

Day 1: it's actually Friday so u go to school and finesse ur way through classes, actually mingling with ur class-mates instead of texting Jaemin what he's doing or what his plans are for the night

And you feel a bit empty but it's okay cause you get more time to think about yourself and to go out and buy some cute new clothes

Day 2: you wake up on a fresh good Saturday morning thinking

"Oooooo it's such a perfect day to go to the park with Jaemin!"

But it hits u hardcore that u can't do that

And you look rlly sadly at your phone lockscreen of you and Jaemin making ugly faces together

Then you unlock it to look at your homescreen of you and Jaemin wearing matching hoods and posing like baddies

And u sigh

But u try to encourage yourself and with the help of nct 127 in ur head, u manage to make it thru all the way till the evening

When the stars are shining bright and fun

The moon's glowing and the neon signs around you illuminating your path back to your house from the convenience store

And all you can think about is Jaemin

About why he hasn't tried contacting you, even tho u clearly told him u can't talk to him for these 3 days

About why u feel so miserable without him and it's been just a bit less than 48 hours

And about if this really points to you possibly liking him

Okay, moving on from sad hours

Day 3: this is it.

After thinking of 500 theories the other night, you've now come to the conclusion that Jaemin hates you and isn't your best-friend

Aka he was waiting to drop ur sorry ass and u gave him the perfect chance for it because

still!!! no!!!! text!!!!! from!!!! him!!!

And ur tryna act unbothered except u can't take it and go over to ur second mom's dorm

Also known as Kun

Just to eat and chill cause u have no one to spend a lonely Sunday with

And Kun literally ushers you in, petting your head and feeding you soup like you're his grandchild

The #1 reason why you love coming over to the kunwoocas dorm

"Here eat some more (y/n), you look too thin nowadays like a twig! Put some meat on those bones!!" Kun says like the ole grandma he is

"I'm way too full seriously please feed some to Lucas."

And Lucas is like "I'll take some more!!! ^0^!!!"

But Kun gives him a glare so he goes back to slurpin out of his monster sized soup bowl

Y'all finish eating pretty quickly and it's only 1pm lol so you guys minus jungwoo (because he's lazy) end up going out (hella disguised) to watch a movie

And you hate horror movies but like Kun is with you so you aren't as afraid bc u still got a mom by your side except,,,,

It doesn't feel the same without Jaemin

And it dawns on you, at the moment you sit down with a bubbling Lucas on one side and a worry-stricken Kun telling him to be quiet on the other side,

that,

You like Jaemin.

You like Na Jaemin. But he probably only sees you as his friend.

And when the movie starts,

It's all you can think about

And it hurts.

It hurts to know that when you think about his kind brown eyes, dark hair and warm smile,

The way he hugs you when he sees you or how he always manages to have 1/3 of his body touching you whenever you're with him

That you love that and you like him

And you don't know if it's love but you're certain you think about him differently than just a friend

So you tell Kun you need to go the washroom and he gets up allowing you to walk by and out of the dark theater

Once you open the doors, the dim lights hit you and you look at the line forming at the concession stand

And you notice some certain dark-haired boys standing there laughing with each other and you're like

Oh shit

Cause it's Jaemin, Renjun, Jeno and Chenle

But you remember you're disguised pretty well to the point they won't recognize you and your face is covered in a black mask too

So you kind of just linger to the side where they are and overhear their convo

"Is this movie gonna be any good?" Jaemin asks the others

"Do you really think I'd recommend a dumbass movie and try to watch it? Is this how low you think my standards are??" Renjun gives the "I am disgusted" face

Jaemin shrugs, "Don't get your panties in a twist Dumbjun, I was just asking if it's worth it to bring (y/n) to watch it."

"Speaking of (y/n)," Jeno starts off,

"Where have they been for the past 3 days?"

Jaemin rubs the back of his neck and looks at the ground

Meanwhile ur anticipating heavily about his answer from a fake plant near the concession

"They've been busy and told me I can't keep in contact for these past almost 3 days."

Chenle gasps, "What if they're moving to Alaska???? Or NORTH KOREA????"

"Chenle wtf bro. No it's just like- I mean- I get it. Like I'm not really active in school anymore so I can't understand that part but they've always been by my side through everything I'm going through so it's time I respect their decision as well."

The boys nod at this and it's finally their turn in line and as Chenle and Renjun go up to get their popcorn Jeno turns to Jaemin

And you're just on the edge of the fake tree about to fall when he asks, "So do you like (y/n) or what?"

And,,,

That's when you fall

The whole room shuts up while fortunately your wig stays on properly and you just get up, brushing off your clothes and pick up the plant like its nbd

Before speed-walking off back into the movie theater

And you wedge yourself beside Kun and just sit there holding his arm and burying your face in it from still being embarrassed

But he doesn't even mind cause it's a scary movie and he's highkey freaked out too

When the movie finally finishes its time for dinner already

So y'all go out back into the sunset almost night while Lucas is still tryna reenact the movie

"The monster was like ahsjdjdjdjdjdjdgghhh and then the girl was like 'help me someone!' but then he was like 'ahajajahhsshdhhgggg no one can help you now bitch' and just ate her."

Kun is scared shitless walking but tries to put up a front and reaches for his man bag that has pepper spray as he scans the area

Aka Kun is ready to attac

But you're like "Y'all I'm starving what should we eat?"

Lucas just shrugs but Kun snaps his fingers making u jump a bit

"I've been wanting to try out this amazing five cheese mac and cheese recipe so we can have that for dinner!"

So y'all go back to the dorms and get out of your sweaty disguises and snack on crackers and chips while Kun is dicing and shredding away

"Why aren't you hangin with Jaems today?" Lucas pops a chip in his mouth and asks u

"Uhhhhh idk? I just wanted a day to myself?"

He looks at you, the bubbly cheery jumpiness gone and a disbelieving look replacing it

"(Y/n) you've spent like your entire life with him and you're always over atleast like 6 days in a week. But now all of a sudden, you choose to spend 3 days without him?"

You freeze, stopping your hand from grabbing a cracker

"How do you know that?"

Kun starts singing in the background while Lucas shrugs once again,

"That's all he's been talking about this weekend. And I don't even spend much time with him but Chenle and Renjun have come over to tell me that it's getting annoying and they just want you to to get a room and just get together already."

Your heart beats faster at his lame words

So he did care

Jaemin actually does care about you? And has been missing you as much as you've missed him???

You jump up, a burst of adrenaline shooting through u and say to Kuncas

"I'll be right back, I've gotta see someone."

And they both know who you're talking about

Lucas grumbling a "finally." but still smiling a bit proud of bein the one to instigate u

And Kun just shakes his head with a motherly smile, proud of you and what you've become

You run outta there and down to the first floor where the dreamies are and burst in

And they're all sittin down in front of the couch and for some reason there are other random people with them?

And you're like ???????

Cause you know they're not allowed to have parties but what is this????

You don't see Jaemin in sight anywhere but you try to focus on what's in front of you first

"What is this?" You say, crossing your arms like a mom

"Uh it's just some of our school friends (y/n) why u so mad lol" Jisung replies.

You shoot the boy a glare and he looks down at the ground while you politely say,

"Hey you guys, I'm sorry but nct dream isn't allowed any non member in this dorm unless they're family or from their company so you guys have to go now."

And the ppl look kinda high and snooty and one of em even has the balls to say,

"Well who are you to them then? Last time I checked, you're just a Jaemin follower."

And stg, ur boutta get up in their face and start throwin punches when you hear a voice say,

"(Y/n)'s not following me, I'm the one chasing after them."

And who pops out of his room?

Mr. Nananana nananana Jaemin.

Lookin rlly fine for some reason???

In just a simple black hoodie and gray sweats but like okAY?????!!!!

work it hunny??????

And he comes over to you, sliding his arm around your waist as he says with no emotion,

"So why don't you and your lil friends skedaddle on outta here."

The person who shot back at u gets all red and angrily ushers the others to go with them and they leave

Meanwhile the room is super silent until Chenle starts pterodactyl laughing and gets up saying,

"Well it's been fun guys but I'm off to sleep now."

"Yep!" "Me too!" "Couldn't have said it any better!"

"Hold it." Jaemin puts his hand out,

"Clean up this mess first and remember all of you, I don't care if you're older than me or not. But never invite anyone over unless it's like what (y/n) said, got it?"

Your heart is beating like 2pm's heartbeat and you're just kinda standing still while Jaemin's hand rests comfortably on your hip making you feel some typa way

But the boys listen to him and soon enough they're gone back into their rooms most likely makin a gc and venting about u two lol

Jaemin moves so that now he's behind you, both hands wrapped around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder as he mumbles,

"What were you doing at the movies today?"

And you're like

Well shit

He caught me

And maybe it's cause you haven't seen him in so long nor been so close that,,,

Your whole body is super aware of his warm hands and the way you feel so safe being back-hugged by him

"I uh ummmm....."

He nuzzles his head into your neck, his warm breath blowing over it as he softly says,

"I really missed you, you know? I thought you weren't going to be available today so I didn't bother messaging you. Actually that was the hardest part, stopping myself from messaging you because I didn't wanna bother you."

His lips are right on your skin as he mumbles his random thoughts

and though Jaemin's always been one for skinship, he's never had his lips on any part of your skin before

"J-Jaemin, c-can you back up a b-bit."

You feel his lips twitch and he slowly glides them across your neck mumbling a why

But he knows goddamn why

With your irregular breathing and your hands over his, he knows just why you're feeling this way

You try to wiggle out of his arms but to no avail as his grip is strong

"Jaemin you're making me sweat can you let go of me so I can breathe properly?"

He obliges and let's go and you turn around to face him to speak but he beats ya to it

"I-I like you (y/n). And I know you've been avoiding me to see if you like me too." He blushes, his neck getting red and averts his soft brown eyes to your clothes as he continues,

"The others told me about it and told me to do the same thing so I, I actually listened and tried super hard not to contact you at all. And it worked. Except,"

Jaemin stepped in closer, your faces merely inches apart as he whispered,

"I realized I can't do this anymore and that I like you, possibly even love you. And I know you feel the same, you must, after creeping on me from behind a bush."

You stand still like a deer in headlights

So he did see that then

And you can't help yourself as you crack up in laughter to get rid of this awkward feeling

But you're hardcore yelling in your brain

That lil NANA likes you

And you feel so on top of the world you don't care about anything else as you put both of your hands on his cheeks and lean in

Kissing his soft pink lips and feeling the way he freezes before snaking his arms around you

bringing you closer so that your body molds into his

"Hey did you guys- OHMYGOD. YALL THEYRE KISSING THEYRE KISSINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!"

Is what you hear and immediately you pull yourself out of Jaemin's grip and turn around to see

All of the dreamies staring at you with their phones out

Chenle snappin pics

While the others are all videoing and yellin, "WORLDSSSSSTAAARRRRRRR"

but what did you expect really?

And let's just say y'all end up being a veerrrrryyy cute couple

That everyone likes to annoy all the time but like now it's more fun for you

Cause you feel more comfortable being like this with Jaemin

And you'd think,,,

You'd think after knowing him for so long that you wouldn't feel super shy and your heartbeat would get fast

But it does

Except you're still the same with him and his clingy personality

If anything your relationship just gives him an excuse to be more clingy to you lol

But and u Jaemin?

Possibly better otp than markhyuck????.........

But u didn't hear that from me tho 🙇🏻

451 notes · View notes

foxpunk · 5 years ago

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mostly like. venting. cause even just witnessing this shit unfold has me Very shaken and also Angry and i am incapable of talking to anyone i know about this shit cause idk how to seriously talk abt my own trauma 8^) so after posting this i’ll be Off tumblr for a bit probs

dont rblg // interact if u read // trigger warnings: this is about the m*tsk* thing so…csa, sexual assault, abuse, talk of victim blaming and abuse denial

gonna get this out there, but this shit is. so upsetting. not even cause it’s abt m*tsk*, but because as a csa victim, seeing peoples’ reactions to the victim making a post about her abuse is sickening.

like?? this shit?? is not?? discourse??? this not about fucking cancel culture or whatever the fuck!! how fucking?? trivializing and cruel are you people. this is about someone having gone through multiple and extremely traumatizing things as a child at the hands of other people, ONE of whom happens to be a celebrity. this is about a living breathing human being, but it is so fucking transparent that a lot of people on here do not see the victim that way and thus are not treating her with, i dont know, basic fucking human decency.

the fact that people are treating this as just tumblr drama is cruel. the fact that people are immediately going through extreme lengths to pick at everything the op says is cruel. the fact that people are using the victim being mentally ill as an excuse to discredit everything that they say is cruel, ableist, and contributes to the culture that allows for mentally ill people to be systematically swept under the rug and easily preyed on by abusers. the fact that people are saying “its one person with no actual proof!” as their reason for discrediting her, but then go n IMMEDIATELY fucking latch onto ONE ANON claiming they were a “friend” of the victim (all of which has been proven to be false btw lmaooo) saying the victim suffers from delusions (which is, again, an ableist excuse to discredit her even if it WAS true) is so fucking telling. the fact that people are automatically on the “critical” side and/or outright disbelieving the victim after just two days is inhumane.

plus like?? it is SO OBVIOUS how all these people dont know how repeated childhood abuse fucks with you? i didnt remember what happened to me until i was like 13-15, and i didnt remember it all at once. i STILL cant remember what Exact age it happened at, all i know is i was 6 or under through the whole span of time it was happening. i still dont remember large chunks of my childhood!! trauma does that to you! shocker! our brains dont wanna remember super fucked up shit that happened to us!! who knew!!

its also supper obvious a bunch of these people DONT know SHIT how our justice and judicial system works, or how the fbi operates differently in different circumstances. and also conveniently and suddenly believe in cops (ACAB btw) in these sorts of situations but that is. a WHOLE other fucking knot of emotions in my chest that is only somewhat intertwined with this knot of emotions im letting out rn so im. not fuckin goin there lmao.

anyways if you say you support/believe victims, but don’t support/believe them if they’re mentally ill, have hazy memories of the abuse (which is literally so common especially if it happened at a young age and especially in the case of op where drugs and repeated abuse was involved), their story isn’t stereotypical, they are coming forward very “late”, they don’t go to the police directly, they don’t immediately respond perfectly to every question, or their allegation is against a celebrity you like, then you dont fucking support victims.

and even if - in some fucking statistic-bending circumstance - what the victim said was even PARTLY untrue (which a 10000% doubt lmao) it doesnt!! fucking matter!! all this shit ppl are saying is STILL ableist and STILL victim blaming and STILL a whole range of shitty!! it wouldnt change SHIT!! it doesnt absolve them of SHIT!! the fact that these ppls first actions are to discredit her through multiple different means speaks volumes of how y’all treat and think of every other victim, and is piling onto the fear every victim has about coming forward and seeking the safety/resources/support/etc we deserve.

god im just. so pissed n really shaken and its not even?? like my circumstances.

tl;dr anyone who fucking forms Opinions and Debates and Moral Judgements on anyone elses trauma - especially a complete fucking stranger - is the personification of a shitstain and they should like, die maybe idk

i hope op gets the space n care n time they deserve away from all this bullshit

#vent #tbd i just needed to get this OUTside of my brain in some way shape or form #cause if i didnt i would like #idk spontaneously combust #probably #the mitski thing

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eloquentmydear · 7 years ago

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TOP 5 ROBRENCES SCENS AND REASONS WHY YOU LOVE THEM?

AFTER MUCH DELIBERATION, TWO LONG LISTS UNDER THE CUT

Pre-2017:

5) Robert comforting a crying Lawrence after the police visit Home Farm to ask about Connor.

“You believe me, then?”

“Yeah, ‘course I believe you, I was just mucking about.”

“Hey, listen to me, listen.”

“Look at me, hey, look at me.”

Arm touching

Lawrence’s nodding

4) The first time Lawrence offers Robert a cheque to leave them alone.

“And I’m sure that would’ve got you a nice car and a rent boy back in the day.”

“You’d know better than me.”

ROBERT’S FACE

“I’m handling him.”

THEY’RE SO CLOSE

3) When Lawrence offers him £500,000 to leave the business.

“You can’t deny, we were a great team before.”

“I’ve saved your bacon enough times!” “I’m not denying that.”

“It’s time for us both to move on.”

It’s literally their divorce

Robert is desperate to work with him again

2) The Woolpack Date.

There is literally no other way to describe it other than a date

“OUR business.”

“I’ve seen you perform over the past few months. It’s impressive.”

“Obviously I’m incredibly young and virile.”

Lawrence making jokes with Robert

Diane shipping it

“I’d tell him that I’m proud of you too.”

Putting Robert in his will

“You’re now fully a member of the White clan.”

“The keys to the inner sanctum.”

THE IN-LOVE SIGH

Lawrence is so utterly camp I miss him

1) When Lawrence tells Robert to stay at Home Farm.

“[Robert is] too capable to let go [of].”

“Until I say otherwise, he’s sticking around.”

Robert getting turned on listening to Lawrence sing his praises

“Stay here. Please. At least until Chrissie gets back.”

UNTIL CHRISSIE GETS BACK

Robert like “oh shit is he gonna kiss me rn”

Lawrence fondling his arm and flirting

You know they shared whisky on the sofa and then fucked on it

They have weird tension the morning after it’s great

2017:

5) The Hotel Scene

Lawrence being romantic af hiring a posh hotel room with champagne

Also he wanted to surprise Robert with a romantic gesture how cute

He got him food too in case he’s hungry pre- or post-fuck

Lawrence being an excellent boyfriend

Lawrence says “please” and Robert obeys

Lawrence worried about making Robert sexually frustrated

Lawrence sharing self-doubt and also being sexually frustrated

“Kath’s offer takes you away (from me).”

“You want me.”

“And I want you.”

“And I’m finally ready to (satisfy all of your sexual fantasies).”

Robert being nervous, overwhelmed, aroused and sanguine all at once

Lawrence prepared to lose his whole family to have Robert

Robert looking at the bed like “guess I’m getting fucked there”

They had lunch together

“You’ve gone very quiet.”

Lawrence’s gazing is too much

“We’re the same, you and I, you know.”

“[I’ve avoided] a path that I know I should’ve chosen.” Robert smiling and nodding at that.

Robert eyeing Lawrence up and down multiple times.

The hand-touching

Lawrence being forward as fuck

“Our first time.”

“Our only time.”

HAND-HOLDING

“I want to remember everything.”

I WANT TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING

“My heart’s racing.” “Well, that’s not good! No, no, sit down.”

Thumbs stroking his fingers

Robert being startled by someone else taking control so quickly

“Even dear Ronnie could never do that.”

Robert like “oh shit, shit-talking Ronnie”

Whispering “Robert.” “Yeah?” “We can do this.”

Holding his face

Robert completely breathless

This is probably the only time someone has treated him so gently so soon

4) The Kitchen Scene (& The Study before because that’s one scene fuck you)

Lawrence’s glasses

Robert’s rolled up sleeves, always gotta show daddy some skin

Robert’s gay jumper

“My commitment […] to you.”

The loving gazes throughout

ROBERT’S STUPID SMILE ON “Trust me, you can’t lose.”

“I thought it wasn’t your thing.” THE FLIRTING IS OFF THE CHART

I need to GIF the look he gives him because that shit is ridiculous

“Well, it’s what you do when you…”

Staring at Lawrence’s lips

The softe reassuring hand touch

“Whatever it is, I’ll understand.”

“I like it here.”

“I like this.”

“I like being like this with you.”

“I shouldn’t say it, I shouldn’t even think it, but I can’t stop.”

I CAN’T STOP

HIS STUPID FUCKING FACE

“You know me. I can make it work.”

PUT THAT FINGER ON HIS LIPS, LAWRENCE

TOUCH HIM

“I don’t know how I’d have got through the last few weeks without you by my side.”

THE SHOULDER STROKE

ROBERT’S SURPRISE AT THE SHOULDER STROKE

“You’re my rock.”

YOU’RE MY ROCK

Robert fuckin goin for it

3) The Breakup

Robert literally fighting back tears and his lips trembling

He gets tears as soon as he realises he’s being dumped and swallows back a lump in his throat

Holding hands again :(

“Won’t be easy.”

Lawrence leans in and Robert just closes his eyes

He was prepared for a kiss

The cheek (nearly neck) kiss

THE CHEEK KISS

The brief snuggle

THE BRIEF SNUGGLE

Robert being super fucked up afterwards

He’s literally so depressed staring into the void

“How’s everything?” “Uh… Yeah, fine.” Robbo you sound and look devastated

“Well, what are you doing here with a face like that?” Even Diane like “wtf is up with you rn aren’t you happy?? your son was just born, healthy??”

2) The ‘TIM THING’ (Not number 1?!)

Robert taking Lawrence’s glass

“I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“I swear to you it was an accident.” “I believe you.”

The police interviewing the secluded gay sugar daddy and twink husbands who live in the remote mansion outside the tiny village

“He gives out loads of them” literally married

“I’m tryna protect you here.”

“You don’t trust me.” “Of course I trust you.”

“Lawrence, we’re in this together, okay?”

“Sorry for being a little… Uh… You know…” “It’s okay, Lawrence.”

THEIR SOFT VOICES MAKING THEIR PACT

THE FIRST ALMOST KISS

STARING AT EACH OTHER’S LIPS

LEANING IN

ROBERT WAS GOING FOR IT

Robert licking his lips, just in case I guess >.>

Lawrence being rude because he’s mad he got cockblocked lmao

“Sorry, I…” am angry because I got cockblocked??

THE SEDUCTION BEGINS

Robert’s softe Lawrence voice

Arm stroking

“Why don’t you stick on some music or something, relax?”

Lawrence patting the tit

ROBERT’S STUPID FACE

“I’ll be back later, yeah?”

*drumroll*

1) Lawrence accidentally running down Robert on Christmas Eve (and the resulting Dream Scene)

“How long before you treat him like you treated me?” “And how did I treat you?” this is a thing,,, that can be discussed,,, I’m just appreciating it okay

“Oooh, you made me feel that way about us!”

THE RETURN OF CAMP LAWRENCE

Thank you god and Robert Sugden for having your perception of Lawrence White be at his most camp

“I accept that. […] Aaron never will.” thanks Robert’s brain for confirming that Lawrence is always an option

And Robert knows this

And knows that Lawrence will accept all his bullshit

So y’know

It’s right there

Waiting for you

“I’m not losing you. Not like this.”

Thank god dream Robert got his kiss

“Good god, it’s Robert.”

“Robert… Robert!”

Holding his face

Stroking his face so tenderly like it’s the last time he’s gonna see it

Stroking his shoulders

“You’re gonna be fine. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I’m not losing you.”

“Not like this.”

I’M NOT LOSING YOU

NOT LIKE THIS

Lawrence knowing he was probably never going to keep Robert forever but always wanting him to move on to something that made him happier

Despite everything, absolutely everything, Lawrence still adored and cherished him and never, ever wanted him dead

Lawrence still hadn’t let him go

And Robert hadn’t let Lawrence go either, as his dream showed

Lawrence was always there to fall back on, and Robert wanted to keep it that way

That’s what they would always have, what they would never let go of, what they’d never lose

And Lawrence carried that to his death

Along with the end of more than 3 years of on-screen tension and god knows how many unseen years of flirting and friction

Robrence: an everlasting, enduring, eternal tease.

I made myself emotional thanks Rob

If you have an issue with this post, please contact @robertmakesafoolofhimself

#robrence #robertmakesafoolofhimself #answer #lawbert #robert x lawrence #mine

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caepaecaesurae · 8 years ago

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> Last week sometime...

caepaecaesurae ... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by. My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through. brackishbarracuda so i noticed i didnt mean to start shit caepaecaesurae You havwen't, and he holds no animosity. Only memories. brackishbarracuda i cant reely say shit tbh w u i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was

caepaecaesurae .. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates. brackishbarracuda an nearly all a mine are fucked so caepaecaesurae I'm glad you're doing better ..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you. brackishbarracuda trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas caepaecaesurae There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes. brackishbarracuda aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement caepaecaesurae I'd agree. WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse? brackishbarracuda i dont think so i aint been payin attention i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate complicated efin caepaecaesurae Reasonable. ... I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain. brackishbarracuda as in dont tell me or u wont out me caepaecaesurae Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay. brackishbarracuda s fair caepaecaesurae But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity. Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business. I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be. brackishbarracuda trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is caepaecaesurae Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand. brackishbarracuda pike i said its complicated 38/ and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular caepaecaesurae If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings? brackishbarracuda violaceousvanity too many to fuckin count brackishbarracuda most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low caepaecaesurae .. Ugh. brackishbarracuda im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started its platonic af caepaecaesurae I knowv the feeling. Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be. brackishbarracuda hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently brackishbarracuda ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are

Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

caepaecaesurae I sympathise. Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best. caepaecaesurae Pardon for disappearing on you. brackishbarracuda nah shit happens u aight caepaecaesurae > Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words. Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all. brackishbarracuda count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep caepaecaesurae You havwe wvrigglers? I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance. brackishbarracuda i dont talk aboat them much naut publicly anyway brackishbarracuda too much shit can go wrong but yeah i got five a them caepaecaesurae It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about. Gods, that seems daunting. brackishbarracuda i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel cept one ones actually mine caepaecaesurae I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology. He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though. brackishbarracuda yeah caepaecaesurae May I ask about the inheritance? brackishbarracuda bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen caepaecaesurae That's fairly accurate, aye. brackishbarracuda dead red caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. brackishbarracuda they didnt really have anybody else me and the rails look after em caepaecaesurae Good that someone or something does. If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere. I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others. brackishbarracuda thats fair caepaecaesurae I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted. At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy. brackishbarracuda hell let it be trashy caepaecaesurae References to the Kraken brackishbarracuda lMAO caepaecaesurae A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it brackishbarracuda PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS caepaecaesurae Haha Gods. Maybe. brackishbarracuda oh my shi t absofuckinlutely i am behind this and behind u so i can stare at it caepaecaesurae I appreciate the vwote of confidence. "This side up" brackishbarracuda im la ughign i swear to fuck man embrace that shit caepaecaesurae On the one hand, yes. On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill. And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it. brackishbarracuda i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer caepaecaesurae ..Oddly true. Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay. brackishbarracuda embrace ur inner trash prince caepaecaesurae You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie. brackishbarracuda i am tho caepaecaesurae This Side Up is the best one I can think of. Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front? I am preparing something. brackishbarracuda suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk visual pun put ahabs on ur bicep caepaecaesurae Oh, perfect brackishbarracuda i am all for this please dear cod also ur attractive just fyi caepaecaesurae Thank you, I appreciate that. You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen. brackishbarracuda the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone caepaecaesurae Oh, aye, I need to do this more often. brackishbarracuda u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again caepaecaesurae One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future. brackishbarracuda oh my shit ohhh my shit caepaecaesurae And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that -- Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh right." brackishbarracuda i am here for this brackishbarracuda plz at least keep the gun caepaecaesurae Hah. I don't knowv. The tiny one? brackishbarracuda yeah i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker caepaecaesurae It is at that. If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real. Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah. Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for

#brackishbarracuda #ooc eyes only #discussion of gossip bad tattoos and kids #trashy tattoo jokes ahoy

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stay-neurotic · 8 years ago

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lowkey I was super trashy last night guys. tmi warning

okay so every wednesday the coworker fam goes bowling. i decided this week that i was gonna save my money and not get any alcohol. WELLLL one of my coworkers smuggled in a flask of rum and I ordered a refillable coke so we just shared rum & cokes all night long.

zack (server guy I met there last week) was clocking out as we arrived, recognized me and called me over to say hi. he was disappointed we were missing each other but I invited him to our gathering after bowling was over (with some prodding from my other coworker, I stg she’s such a fucking enabler lmao).

so it’s like 1:30 am when we finish up, I’m tipsy af, we’re all dying to eat. we head back to coworker’s apartment and order pizza, I text zack the address to join us. when he arrives we’re all playing drinking jenga and chowin down. he jives real well with the group, real charismatic guy, everyone’s happy.

enabler coworker has to do a shot since she lost jenga, gets everyone else to do one with her. so at this point i’ve had like 3 rum & cokes, a mojito, and now a shot of whiskey and i’m high af as well. soon as i get the shot down, other coworker is handing me the bong again.

now, i take teeny rips. teeny teeny tiny rips. coworker watches me do this, calls me a pussy, and goes, “here.” he pulls for me and fills the damn thing up with smoke and holds it out for me. and i’m like, “hey, fuck it, sure”

and my lungs just said “no” and coughed it all out halfway through and then i started coughing so uncontrollably i thought i was gonna puke. ran over to the sink, coughing my lungs out, head down, nose running, spitting up loogies. just straight up dying. still fully aware of everyone around me & like i can hear that they’re not being judgmental but im still fuckin embarrassed.

then like five min into this coughing fit, ive got a breathing pattern down, my heads down and im just tryin to focus on not dying. and the shot hits me. like, HITS me

and i legitimately lost consciousness standing over that sink, i was goin’ in and out for god knows how long (felt like hours). kept “waking up” and remembering where i was and being embarrassed all over again

at one point i’m trying to hang onto consciousness and zack puts a glass of water in my field of vision, and i think my throat can handle it so i slowly stand up to drink it. and i immediately know i’m gonna faint - everything goes fuzzy and feels like im underwater. so i look at him and just say, “i need to lay down.” and he stands there confused, asking me shit like “what, like here? is there, maybe, um - it looks like the couch is taken -” and i’m standing there gripping the countertop to not fall over and i can’t answer these questions. i just grab him by the shoulder, look him in the eye and repeat, “i need to lay down.” and i’m laughing cause i’m nervous/embarrassed and amused that that’s the only sentence i’m capable of getting out and he guides me toward the living room and i just pass out on the goddamn floor.

i woke up real slowly over the next fifteen minutes (felt like hours). enabler coworker is the first thing i see, sitting in the corner looking exactly like how i feel. eventually i rolled over & sat up and then immediately started apologizing, lmao. i felt bad zack was still there, waiting on me, but he didn’t seem to mind at all.

we all take some time to recover, drink water, watch some family guy. im still really out of it and can tell i will be for a while, so i’m debating whether i want to sleep here and uber home in the morning, ask zack to take me home, etc...and then zack mentions he’s gotta head back soon, and i’m just like fuck it & i ask if he’d take me to his place for the night. my apartment is on the way to his second job so he can drop me off in the morning when he goes in. and he’s totally about it, ofc, but super worried because he’s in the process of moving and warns me about 18 times how much of a mess it’s gonna be lol.

the ride to his place felt like fucking forever, i kept going in and out of coherency and failing real hard to keep up with conversation. i got a few pangs of panic, like, oh god Rachael, you’re in a practical stranger’s car and he can take you wherever the fuck he wants, and do whatever the hell he wants to you. but at that point i was committed and also not in a great decision making state. and anyway what’s the worst that can happen, i get murdered? it was gonna happen someday.

he brings me to his house, super white neighborhood, super tiny house on a little woodsy road. offers me sweatpants to sleep in but i just strip down to my panties and get in bed lmao. he throws up a video in the background and we get to it, i’m hanging in a space between “i’m really not in my right mind, is he taking advantage of me rn?” and “i planned on doing this since i was sober, anyways” and “fuck it, i’m enjoying the hell out of this regardless.” and i was high enough still to just close my eyes and get lost to the pure sensation of it and holy shit, guys. best sex i’ve ever had, easily

also surprisingly comfortable cuddling/sleeping on a twin mattress, never managed that before

he woke me up at some point after the sun had come up and got me riled up again, was prepared for a second fuck but i started jackin him off and was apparently just too good at it so he came and we fell back asleep

when alarm went off, i got up and got dressed while he showered, we took a couple hits, and then we headed out & he dropped me off at my apt. now here i am still cringing @ myself for not knowing my limits and i’m not really awake but not really asleep either. & janna’s texting me wanting to hang tonight? i don’t know, guys, i don’t know what even. who am i. who is this party girl.

#personal #tmi

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stridersister · 6 years ago

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lol glad you like talking about it bc i love reading it! world building is my absolute favourite thing in the world so i love swapping ideas with people every now and then!! c: ohhh, i for sure thought elio would get the princess (u know how it always goes) :o neat!! love me some blue/red aesthetic. tell me about elios two friends!

I do too! that’s why this is one of my favorite stories that I’m writing/working on, even if I can’t have time to work on it at this very moment (hopefully that changes this summer! in like 2 days lmfao) I get to build a bunch of different planets/peoples

yes right that’s what I want people to think, and then Elio is just like nope I’m in love with this muscular woman with skin as dark as the night and a heart of gold, her name is Albora and she comes from Earth. Her sister is named Sona with pink/purple hair but otherwise similar look and she’s my space lesbian, can’t have enough of those. she falls in love with the enemy, they have a korrasami aesthetic goin on

so those are the 5 main characters lol there’s Elio, Rex Roer and Yala Qin Amaya being his childhood friends from the prison, they escape and get separated and in the process Elio meets Albora and Sona, and basically take back Earth, the first planet where the story takes place. So Rex is very bestial, hence his name. His people are ridiculed in the empire, they’re like Space Pirates with a Cause. His world is also inhabited by a dwarf species, they all live together in harmony and believe strongly in individual freedom to be who you are while still having a community to back you up. Rex has deeply tanned skin, reddish eyes and really red hair just like the rest of his peoples. They’re all rough and tumble & his home planet is basically one big mine that they defend the Empire from getting their Grubby Paws on and they like it that way. Rex’s family especially leads the rebellion, his mother being a particularly notorious figure, and because of that he’s hated by pretty much everyone when he first gets to Earth’s prison. Elio is just like nope, I’m adopting him. Ziad (Elio’s dad) is like ugh fucking fine u can keep him, and all the crooks know not to mess with Ziad. Rex is muscular, if a bit stocky, and his sense of smell is INSANE. he has two sisters and one brother (who is trans and their reunion is heartfelt and pure) who tease him relentlessly over his crush on the pretty blue princess, which is really comin to light around the time that he is able to reunite with his family!

Yala Qin, god where do I start. Ok first off she’s the REAL narrator of the story, and I always struggle b/w wanting to make the story 3rd person omniscient or just say fuck it and make it all from her pov. this story actually follows events in which she is the protag, a story that was literally originally just about her. Anyways, her name means Witness. She has blue skin, greenish eyes and thick, bluish green hair (I’m still debating between anything from royal blue to teal, it literally all looks good) that she grows out to go all the way past her waist and then lowkey be as tall as her. She has Asian features, as the Medorans all do. Her mother, Mikuzna, late Empress of the Medoran Empire, also had blue skin and is not of royal blood. It’s actually considered a Big Deal to the Medorans what color ur skin is, green being the most wealthy/noble class of Medorans. Yala Qin’s father, Garlo Ben, has green skin and red hair, as did his father before him, and as does Yala Qin’s older brother (ugh kff I can’t remember his name rn but all of their names are alien sounding intentionally bc when u think alien u think green skin and shit). Yala Qin and her younger brother, Phix Mik, took after her mother and got blue skin. The Medoran Nobility was NOT happy about Mikuzna becoming Empress but! Mikuzna is a key player even in death because she had the same powers as Yala Qin in life. She knew what she had to do and how to get the throne, just as well as she knew that the story had to unfold the way it was going to. Plus, she’s charming AF and no skin color can change that, Garlo Ben was SMITTEN ok. The third type of Medoran, and the far more common kind, as well as the lowest class, has purple skin and blondish hair (Phix Mik also has blondish hair too, almost white, to go with his blue skin. He’s soft. Smart boi, my fav. I lowkey ship him with Elio lmfao but I have some even better ships in mind.)

So that’s Yala Qin’s whole backstory, and as u can see Blue is key to her whole lewk. Blue becomes the color of the rebellion because of how it was associated with the fall of the Medoran Empire, many taking it as a sign Mikuzna’s ascent to the throne was the sign of the apocalypse. She’s a princess, but she hasn’t been since she was young and landed on earth, so she’s bold and hard and mean. she bites. she fights with Rex a lot, naturally. She’s got layers and layers of thick skin because of who she is and she’s not backing down, and she goes through so much growth throughout the series, as they all do. Medorans can also breathe underwater and have webbed fingers and toes. Their home planet has red oceans and a pink sky, blue trees. or maybe the other way with the sky and trees idk whichever is prettier but def red oceans. Her powers, which she discovers once she gets back to her home planet, allow her to be two places at once, in a sense--the afterlife and the present timeline. There she is able to explore her past life, Sheva, and the lives of others through their souls. I would explain more but it’s very intricate and comes from the first story I was writing forever ago, so it’s a little hard to explain. basically Yala Qin, as her past life self Sheva, is able to interact with and see the souls of others in order to learn from the past and bring forward the correct future. Elio has faced off against his uncle in the past as their past lives, and have a primordial antagonism towards each other--up until now, Elio hasn’t been able to defeat him. Yala Qin is able to see all this and make corrections, but the only problem is that she doesn’t know whose soul belongs to who in real life. I’m not sure if this makes sense lol but I promise you I develop this arc over 7 whole books lmao. But so Yala Qin has these powers, she often goes between the two and that’s why Mikuzna knows she is the “Witness,” hence her name meaning in the Medoran language.

ff wtf I didn’t realize how much I even wrote about them lmfao and I’m not even close to done but I’ve worked more on this than my paper, which just goes to show u where my heart is ugh

#asks #anon #elio #ds #dead sea #yq #yala qin #rex #rex roer #tarawrites #Anonymous

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