#but also my joints hurt so bad and i can't find my pain meds so i might have to become the wizard to heal my mana

[medicinemane]

Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain

[deathbypufferfish]

I've updated my resources friends! Which includes all my gameplay mods. I also added a section in blog navigation for the tutorials I've done! Since I couldn't find my own editing tutorial for 15 minutes!!!!

[maxisanangrywell]

Simon has scars, Simon has trauma-- Okay so imagine this.

Trauma often causes your body to break down not just mentally, but physically. Often, in the most extreme cases of trauma, your brain gets rewired to think/act/and distribute electro signals a certain way. Childhood trauma has been studied so intensively, that doctors have determined it can also suppress vital bodily functions, like digestion or even your immune system, possibly causing autoimmune disorders.

Me, I'm 21, with a couple of different disabilities from my trauma, so I'm drawing from experience.

What if, and hear me out, Simon starts, gradually over the next couple of years, getting some weird joint pains. Just, like it feels achey, and not quite right. Like he was down with a cold. It comes and goes, and he's not entirely sure when it started. He's always sort of had joint pains, I mean, look at his job? It's not only incredibly intense, and taxing physically AND emotionally, but he constantly is over working his joints. So, he thinks nothing of it.

Except, over the next few months it doesn't go away like he thinks. Oh well, right? He goes to the med bay, they check his symptoms, they check everything, and just simply find nothing. They have no reason to do blood work, or x-rays. He's not injured, and it doesn't sound like he's pulled anything or snapped any tendon. They tell him if it persists, to come back in. They give him Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, and a N-SAID to trade off between the three, and help with any swelling or discomfort. All Simon's symptom points to, is the over work of the joints. I mean, hell, he's been in the SAS for years now, with about a decade or two of more service on top of that. He's considered old by the SAS, almost at the stage where they'd pull him off the field if he even sprains an ankle. So, he doesn't think anything of it, and refuses to go to med bay.

Without failure, the symptoms just sort of pile up gradually over the next four years. The joint pain is accompanied by stiffness and swelling. The joints, primarily in all his finger joints, wrists, and knees hurt, are red, and hot to the touch. His left hip is starting to get painful enough that he has to stretch and stay in his room for the first hour-and a half when he wakes. Otherwise, he'd be seen hobbling down the hall and that isn't good. He'd surely be sent to med bay.

So, Simon deals with it. Until one night, he's on a mission, and his joint stiffness catches up to him. Johnny has to help move him when they get under fire, and his hands and fingers hurt so bad he can't properly grab the gun and fire it. It takes him a few minutes, but he eventually returns fire. Johnny having seen the struggle, reports it to Price, who almost immediately sends him to med bay to get almost every fucking test done under the book.

"Obviously it's not just joint pain and stiffness of age anymore, Simon. I need you to be 100% out on the field. If not for you, then for Johnny. For the team."

Simon thinks it was pretty shitty of Price to use Johnny and the team against him, but it does the trick. He gets there, and spills almost everything to the doctor he saw last time. The doctor is shocked and appalled Simon never told him anything, and Simon tells him the medicine worked at first, as did the braces that he recommended for the joint support, but it just kept getting worse.

They do X-Rays, and blood work, and they find out Simon has a fairly common autoimmune disorder. Although, it's not the kind he wants to hear because it will result in a medical discharge.

"Rheumatoid Arthritis? You're bloody joking. My hand isn't all fucked up and weird looking doc. I can move my hand just fine."

"You can right now, but if you don't get the proper treatment, along with a transfusion for your knee... it will progress. Probably to the point you're bed bound."

The doctor calls in the team on behalf of Simon's request, and well, they try to find a way around it. At least, Gaz and Soap do. But before they exhaust all their options, Price offers to talk to the higher ups to see what the stance would be on moving Simon from an operator, to more of a coordinator like Kate. Where he would be able to do missions every one in a while, but not over exert himself to the point a flare-up is triggered and he is left in a dangerous position once again. The higher-ups agree, not wanting to lose the infamous Ghost.

So, there we go. :) That's my little tid-bit, take it as you want. And like always, if you enjoy the idea, please like/reblog, and if you want to build off the idea for your own AU or things, just tag me if you use specifics!! ((If you have any questions about RA, please drop them in my box and I will try to answer when I have the time!!))

[acemarkey]

uh the ask game thingy ♿🌻⚕️🏳️‍🌈 for literally everyone in charisma house. go crazy go insane

smile. Under the cut cuz there's so fucking much

iori - bpd . Looks both ways. yeah that's about it. displays every symptom ever. i dont hc him with any specific phys disability but there is definitely one. WAIT I LIED chronic back pain. points at barometric pressure episode

♿️ What is their disability/disabilities? What are the symptoms that they show?

terra - to go along with my jokes about her being an old woman. joint pain. prolly arthritis but she hasn't looked into it cuz she doesn't think she needs to. also npd obviously. prolly some other shit who knows

rikai - legally blind i think. hoh also and she doesnt realize how fucking annoying her whistle is.

saru - fibromyalgia. once again not diagnosed but he knows it's there. his legs go numb often and when they're not numb they just hurt

ohse - forgive me for projecting here Smile. some sort of chronic pain disorder (knees mostly), anemia (frequently faints cuz of it ) . bpd (obv), chronic depression & anxiety . not projecting on this one but i think he has a missing toe cuz he dropped his knife on it and had to get rushed to the er by rikai once. also bad pain in wrists cuz Yk. Artist.

amahiko - ok getting his hypersexuality out of the way. there's that thing with his dick hurting when it rains. man. I dont know.

fumiya - she's diabetic to me & is also an osdd1b system ^_^ the silliest

torahime since u said he counts - also diabetic. Following getting hit by fumiyas motorcycle twice. I think he'd have some sort of chronic pain but idk. ALSO BPD WHICH IS AGAIN OBVIOUS and dpd.

and everyone is autistic.

🌻 Do they do anything that helps manage their disability? (Ie medication, hot and/or cold patches, set sleeping times, ect)

ohse Has depression and anxiety meds but he doesn't take them. torahime and fumiya take insulin. the house always has at least two bottles of different painkillers at all times courtesy of amahikos mother

(doing phys disabilities)

⚕️ How did they find out they were disabled?

iori - he overworked himself so bad and it started raining once and he just. Died.

terra - she still doesnt know

rikai - her parents were both legally blind so he got glasses at a young age and his eyesight deteriorated . with hoh she still doesn't know she just thinks.its like that for everyone

saru - one day in a gang fight he nearly collapsed and the pain never really went away so he hooked himself up wkth crutches. shrug

ohse - he just kinda. knew. he got mocked for walking weirdly so. it wadnt really a revelation

amahiko - his family is entirely doctors. next question

fumiya - i Dont Know. tbh.

torahime - well i would assume he found out when he got hit by the motorcycle ,

iori - never really complains unless prompted and will work through the pain til he drops cuz he's like that !

🏳️‍🌈 A random headcanon about them and their disability

terra - amahiko's mom is the first person she told about anything .

rikai - doesn't realize the whistle is loud cuz she can't hear anything clearly .

saru - SWAG ASS CRUTCHES. USED AS WEAPONS. FUCKJNG DECKED OUT.

ohse - customized wrist brace, signed by all of the charismas and he cried so hard over it. they signed it when he was sleeping snd he woke up to it

amahiko - all of his stuff is hereditary i think

fumiya - sometimes sits there and talks to a headmate but will ONLY do it when terra is around and it creeps her tf out. also everyone can pry his sweets out of his cold dead hands

torahime - i dont have anything for him. but he cried after that call with the fucking idiot of all time cuz he was so embarrassed and nearly split

oh my fucking god.

[salamanderinspace]

personal updates. sheeeesh

I feel I'm officially Fallen on Hard Times. Husband is still out of work and still in full lockdown mode. Won't go out. Won't even take the trash. Very convinced COVID is 100% going to kill him.

He's also been very political lately, sometimes shouting "fuck Ukraine!" randomly or blasting the Russian Anthem 3 or 4 times a day. IDK. I don't engage.

Money is non-existent. No rent, restricted food (which is one the toughest things for me, always). I've applied for disability benefits but that process takes 6-8 months and last time I was refused because too much time had passed between when I last worked full time for an employer and when I was diagnosed. They acknowledged that yes my conditions do qualify me and yes I submitted adequate proof that they affect me now but because I could not prove that they affected me before 2015, I was denied.

My lifelong, incurable, genetic conditions.

IDK I've applied again but even if I get it the max benefits isn't half my rent. My royalties from my "successful" art career ran out last year and since I've been doing small odd jobs or selling a piece here or there. Meanwhile my laptop is very old and very broken (battery cannot charge, for instance) and so is my phone (again can only be used when plugged in.)

Husband seems to struggle with small tasks. He spends a whole day wailing about grocery shopping--which we do by instacart! And I bring the groceries in and put them away. But the instacart is still too much for him. Of course I am empathetic and supportive because I have my own accursed limitations.

Medical stuff. It hurts to move around but I do it anyway. Just muscle spasms and joint pain. I don't think things are much worse than when I was on meds. Emotionally I'm ... having more emotions than I used to. I'm a little on the fence about that. It feels morally correct to have emotions. It feels right and natural and like I should have them. It's stressful, though, because I can't express them to anyone, because everyone else is on a very short string. People get epistemologically threatened when I talk about my feelings. They don't really hear what I'm saying. I say "I feel like society isn't structured in a way that's safe for me or that meets my needs. I feel this is urgent," and they hear "you're bad and I want you to die in a violent revolution." It's so stressful.

I did therapy for awhile but we both agreed that most of the feelings I'm having are normal, reasonable, and Not Illness, and that we should conclude our business. He was a good therapist IMO, which is very rare and very hard to find. Sometimes they hit on you or have 10 cats or show up late to your appointments and only talk about themselves or don't talk at all. So I trusted my guy, my dude, but boy, did he seem tired.

The younger people are, they better they are at listening. I chronically tend to date people who are either much younger or much older than me, partly because that's what I'm attracted to and partly because they don't seem to have the brain worms everybody in my age range has. But I feel shame about that because, you know, age gaps are socially inappropriate and taboo and shamed and so that's another part of my life I can't really talk about.

One feeling I'm having a lot is boredom. I'm so bored with everything. I want to travel. I want to kiss a stranger on the mouth.

The last time I felt like I had Fallen on Hard Times was 2018. I was Down Bad for this girl, who... reciprocated, but didn't want to run away with me, and ended up essentially running away with another woman. My anti-seizure meds were discontinued and pulled from the market for mysterious reasons. So I ended up in the hospital, really in mortal danger. The docs forcibly gave me super heavy seizure meds - Lorazapam maybe? - and it made me disoriented and suggestable. They couldn't figure out WHY I was having symptoms and they got the idea that maybe I'd taken something (I didn't) in, like, a suicidal sort of way. And since I was disoriented and suggestable I was like, ok, whatever, and that's how I got locked in a psych ward for a month. Which was read bad and not the subject of this post.

I just got a call, just now. Not sure if anyone was following the saga of when my insurance suddenly dropped me for no reason and I had to move heaven and earth for months to get them to correct the error. Well, they did correct it, and then I got switched to a new company that took over the old company, and assigned a whole new doctor. So I put in an appointment and waited a month or two and I was supposed to see the doc on Monday. Well, I just got a call that, in the last month, that doc has ceased to take that insurance.

I'm feeling ok right now. I had a bagel for breakfast and carbs are very soothing. Sometime later today I'll be laying in bed, though, asking myself: what can I do? How can I change this? Trying to think my way out of this situation.

I've been pretty involved in politics and activism for the last 10 years. I've also been reading a lot of history, though. It seems like, historically, things do not get better. Not for people like me. The arc of history is not bending upward for people like me. Lately I look at social media and I see a lot of bad takes that make me feel epistmelogically threatened. I mean, that's social media... people just type words and half the time even they don't really believe them. But then you go out into the world and no one is wearing a mask anymore, and I wonder - does it matter, what people feel or believe, or does it matter how they act?

I hate feeling alienated on social media though. Even on tumblr there's no way to curate out all the bad takes without limiting yourself to corporation-friendly sanitized Content (TM).

I miss my therapist. Even if I could see him again I can't afford it. I miss the way he would say, "yes, that's true," really quickly, as if he was so uncomfortable. I don't want to make people uncomfortable. I want people to make choices and do actions based on truth.