#but also my grandparents did work for disney so we did get into the parks for free

[brinnanza]

it is so funny that the carousel of progress is still truckin at disneyworld that was the air conditioner ride from my youth we did the carousel of progress when you needed to sit in air conditioning for about 20 minutes the last time I saw it was probably like 2016 and it was extremely dated even then like disney bent over backwards to demolish solid rides to get starwars and avatar into the parks but the fucking carousel of progress is still truckin along why yes i WILL always be bitter about what was done to journey into imagination

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Executive Dazai

(A/N: R.I.P. me trying to write comedy! Also sorry for any typos sometimes I miss things. Anyway let's gooo)

Under cut due to length (4,154 words)

Atsushi's P.O.V

"Gah! Where is that slacker!?" I hear Kunikida-san mumbling from his desk. He holds a stack of reports, and I walk over to offer to help fill some.

He sees me, an angry look in his eyes. I know it isn't for me but it's still intimidating. "Yah, Atsushi-kun!" I can't help jumping at his raised voice.

"Y-yes Kunikida-san?"

"Have you seen Dazai recently?" His phrasing is formal as usual but his tone is full of all the anger and frustration and exasperation that comes from working with the suicidal detective.

"No . . . you don't think something's happened to him, do you?"

He huffs, adjusting his eyeglasses and crosses something out in his notebook. (There goes his schedule.) "No, I'm sure that he is fine, but these reports need to be filled."

"Oh, okay then. I can just do Dazai-san's report for now."

"You are too kind Atsushi, you shouldn't enable him."

"Well, I-I . . . I just want to help out is all."

Kunikida-san shakes his head but lets me take the reports.

—-------- Three Days later —-------

It's been a week since anyone has heard anything from Dazai-san. I trust Kunikida-san, but I'm starting to get worried for my mentor. Kunikida-san is not worried . . . he's FURIOUS!!!

At first he ignored it, saying that that fool can do whatever the hell he wants and it's no matter to him, but the paperwork is piling up and most of the other members who've finished all of their work, paper or otherwise, are on vacation this week.

Yosano is going to some spa resort with one of her friends.

Ranpo is going to Disney World with Poe.

Kenji is visiting his grandparents back in his hometown, for the summer festival. He promised to bring back the biggest watermelon he can find.

The Tanazakis are going camping.

Kunikida doesn't know how to take breaks.

I'm helping him because I have nowhere to go and not enough money even if I did have somewhere to go. -^T-T^-

Dazai-san is nowhere to be seen.

"Have you just tried calling Dazai-san?"

"You think he picks up?" I can tell his question is a rhetorical one.

"He- he hung up on you? But . . .?"

"He has no respect, the useless fool."

"Oh." I don't really know what I should say to that. "You know Kunikida-san, maybe, you could just go to his house or something."

His head perks up, "Ah yes, Atsushi-kun! That is a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?" He adjusts his glasses and I smile at the praise. Kunikida's face falls. "But we don't have his address."

"Really? I thought everyone lived in the dorms?"

"No, not Dazai. For all I know he sleeps on a futon under a big tree in some park."

"Whaaa!"

"Or a shack, maybe a garbage bin, I bet he finds that nice and cosy."

"Dazai-san is homeless!" I say, not believing the words.

Kunikida-san only laughs, "Pffft! That idiot is richer than all of us, of course he has a home. I just don't know where it is. Well . . . it wouldn't be surprising if he just chooses to be homeless though. I wonder . . ." He opens his laptop, searching for a list of known street vagrants/beggars in Yokohama.

"Damn! Nothing. Now where could that bastard possibly live?"

We're both very invested at this point so we dig up the company employee records, thankfully Kunikida-san insists on keeping neat, meticulous ones. 

"Oh, look at this. An address not far from here."

"Let's go." Kunikida-san is already out the door, he looks ready to beat the crap out of Dazai-san when we find him.

—

We pull up at the small olive green house. It doesn't look like where someone rich would live but it looks cosy (certainly more so than a bin).

Kunikida-san jumps out of the car and starts pounding on the door. "Dazai, open up you sorry brat! We know you're in there! Come out RIGHT THIS INSTANT SO I CAN BEAT YOU WITH MY NOTEBOOK!!!" I can practically see the idealist's veins bulging.

The door opens and out steps . . . an old lady.

Kunikida-san and I both flush tomato red with embarrassment. 

"Well, hello. Aren't you two girls pretty? I don't have my wallet just now. If you'll give me a moment to get it, I'd be happy to buy some cookies from you." She disappears back into the house leaving Kunikida-san and I confused.

"Wha-"

She comes back smiling at Kunikida-san, "So what types of cookies do you two ladies have today?"

"Um actually ma'am, we're not Girl Guides*."

(A/N: *Girl Scouting was first introduced to Japan by Miss Muriel Greenstreet, a British missionary teacher, in 1919. The Movement gradually spread and in 1920 took the name Nihon Joshi Hododan (Girl Guides of Japan))

"Oh." she looks disappointed, "Well that's alright, how may I help you."

"For starters, my colleague and I are both very sorry for causing such a ruckus earlier. We thought someone else was dwelling here. We're looking for that person, a man named Dazai Osamu. We believe he used to live here."

"Oh, Dazai-san. Ah, yes he and his husband were such nice people. They helped me set up the house after I bought it from them. I always wonder what's happened to them."

Neither of us understand her words. Kunikida-san finally breaks the silence. "His . . . husband?"

"Oh yes, a lovely boy. Strangest hair I've ever seen but a great kid. They said they were buying a bigger house somewhere less crowded. Just out of the city I think, I always told them that there was nothing much there, lot's of crime, but they were determined. Something to be said about youth, I suppose." She smiles fondly, as if thinking of her own children.

We're both shocked at this news but we can't exactly question her.

"Thank you, for your help ma'am, if you know the exact name of the place could you please write it down."

"Oh yes, sure thing. Nothing bad has happened to them, right?"

Kunikida-san hesitates, "No."

"Oh good." she says handing him the piece of paper. He nods and we both bow, he sticks the paper in his notebook.

"Good day ma'am." I tell her and she waves sweetly.

—

When we're back in the car I sigh. "Well that was . . . unexpected. I had no idea Dazai-san liked men. You wouldn't know the way he flirts with that waitress downstairs, I wonder if his husband minds. Gosh, I still can't believe Dazai-san is married." I know I'm rambling but Kunikida-san doesn't tell me to shut up. He must be as surprised as I am. "Is his name even Dazai. Is that his birth name or did he change it after marriage. I wonder if they have children."

Kunikida-san shrugs, looking down at the paper with the name of the neighbourhood that the old woman gave us. He slams the brakes and several people honk at us. 

"What is it, Kunikida-san?"

"This address. It's in Port Mafia territory."

"Oh well, aren't there a few neighbourhoods on that side of the city? I'm sure it's just a coincidence, I mean he moved there a long time ago so he probably didn't know at the time. Maybe they didn't have that territory yet."

Kunikida-san's voice is a whisper as people swerve angrily around us. "It's right in the heart. Only about a 15 minutes drive from the Mafia's Headquarters."

"Oh. Well the house was probably built before the Mafia headquarters so he must not have known when he bought it, right?" I say not believing myself as I fight to think of a reasonable explanation to this bizarre situation, "What should we do?"

"We are detectives. we must investigate further." He says determinedly.

"Alright." I gulp at the thought of entering the notorious Mafia's territory. What if we run into Akutagawa? The thought makes me shiver and my leg prickles with the memory of the pain when the Rashoumon user sliced it clean off.

—

I keep my gaze out the window, watching the scenery slowly darken, watching houses become warehouses and industrial buildings as we travel further into Mafia territory. 

No one's tried to stop us . . . yet.

Thankfully Kunikida-san's car is rather inconspicuous. He parks it behind an abandoned warehouse and gets out. I follow his lead, but there's nothing to see besides storage facilities and factories

"Kunikida-san?" I ask nervously, a disturbing thought occurring to me, "you don't think that Dazai-san lives in a Port Mafia warehouse do you?" 

"It does seem like the thing one would do if they had a death wish," I almost squeak in fear but then I remember our surroundings.

Determined Kunikida-san keeps walking. Eventually we leave the area where most of the storage facilities are. There's an overgrown lot, but it looks somehow purposeful, like the wildflowers were planted and then allowed to grow this way.

We walk a bit through the tall flowers and then see it. A wearhouse, only it's fancier. It has nice glass windows with modern looking flower boxes and the corrugated steel siding is painted an even matte black, no grime or rust in sight. 

The shades are down but I can tell that lights are on because a warm yellow glow seeps out from them into the night. Above the original warehouse the owners have built an addition that looks like those modern homes you see in fancy magazines. A small white box not big enough to be a house on its own but still bigger than my dorm back at the agency. But the shades are down there too, so I can't see inside.

There's a garage just a little away from the house with tire tracks that suggest it's used often, but there are three individual tire tracks. One set from a car and one from what appears to be half a car. A motorbike? Dazai-san doesn't use one, maybe his mystery husband does?

"Is this really the only house around, Kunikida-san?"

"Yes I believe so." He says as we walk closer. 

Then, I see a noose rigged on a post in the front yard, and I know this must be Dazai-san's home.

At this point we're both tired and even Kunikida-san doesn't seem to have the energy to be angry at Dazai-san. Also it's such a nice calming house that it's hard to be angry here, although I'm sure Kunikida-san will find the will to be angry as soon as Dazai-san opens the door.

The door is nice, with a seasonal wreath of pine tree clippings and dried fall leaves and a lamp. The doormat says "Welcome"in big lettering with a tiny "(Just kidding, fuck off)" at the bottom, both in fancy cursive script.

Kunikida-san knocks, there's no answer. He knocks again, still nothing. Then once more, we hear two male voices, one Dazai-san's and another sounding familiar but distorted, then there's footsteps.

Dazai-san opens the door, wearing only a jumper and trousers, looking strange without his usual outfit. "Oh, it's you. I'm almost offended that you didn't notice my absence until now. I guess this proves you really don't need me for the paperwork. However it is a lot quieter here than at the office." He turns to me, the smug grin off his face replaced with a soft smile, clearly to spite Kunikida-san, "Sorry for keeping you waiting at the door, Atsushi-kun. Chibi didn't want to let me go."

"Chibi." I question, I think I've heard the name somewhere . . . but where?

"Ah, yes, my husband. He is rather short, you see, my very own dog."

"Do-" I start to ask about the nickname, but I'm cut off.

"I h-he-he'TSHIii-e'shiewww *sniff* heard that you bastard! *cough, cough, cough*" A congested voice from upstairs echoes. I swear for some reason that it's familiar. But why, it couldn't possibly be?

Dazai-san looks personally offended, "My love, you need to rest. You mustn't over exert yourself." he calls up the staircase. There's more footsteps and someone stomps down the staircase (I swear I can feel the ground beneath me shake just a little), coming into view slowly. His face is covered by the hood of a hoodie and a mask.

"I. Amb. Fucgkig. Fide." now that their closer I can tell that the voice is male, his words muffled as he barely conceals coughs into his elbow. Standing next to each other I can see what Dazai-san meant, his husband at full height comes only just above his shoulder.

"Hmm, Chibi doesn't sound fine." The worry is clear in Dazai-san's voice as he puts a hand on his husband's forehead. It's strange to see him being so caring and gentle like this.

Dazai-san's husband sniffs indignantly. "I'mb fide edough to kick your sorry ass!" His sickly tone and the way he sways on his feet contradict his words. 

Again I feel as if I recognized his voice but that isn't possible because I've never met him before. I mean, maybe I've seen him at the supermarket before and just didn't notice but it seems unlikely because I don't think I can afford the fancy supermarkets that people who live in this kind of house can shop at. I shop at the corner store. -^T-T^- (Your donations are very much welcome).

(A/N: Send our favourite -^weretiger^- boi some ¥en in the comments pls, so he can shop at a real supermarket lol. He's trying his best! Also if any of Chuuya's dialogue appears misspelt that's because I'm trying to show he is heavily congested. It probably just looks like I can't type, but I'm trying.)

Dazai-san puts his arm around his husband's waist to steady him. "You still have a temperature love, I really must insist that you go back to bed. I'll be there as soon as I deal with these visitors."

At the word visitors Dazai-san's husband looks up at us. I can see his face a bit more now just a sliver of fair faintly freckles skin and a set of piercing blue eyes. A foreigner? He speaks Japanese very well, he must have been here a long time. 

I wonder where he's originally from. Somewhere in Europe maybe? The United Kingdom, France, Germany, it can't be Holand because Dutch people are tall.

"Oh. It's you two. The detegdives." He says it with an amount of disdain in his voice that sounds rather unwarranted given that he's never even met us before. "Kindly, ged out ob by house." Despite the stuffiness of his voice it still scares me. I can see the threat in his eyes. It's almost . . . familiar. I know I have seen this look somewhere, but where? How did he know we're detectives, does Dazai-San talk about us at home? I guess it makes sense.

"Ah, yes." I can tell from Kunikida-san's voice that he feels the fear too, "We'll leave as soon as Dazai here tells us what he's been doing cutting work for the past week."

"A week! Preposterous!" Dazai-san exclaims, "It's only been three days."

"That's almost a full work week you FOOL!" Kunikida-san is close to exploding again. I really hope this doesn't escalate, I'd hate to leave a bad impression on Dazai-san's husband.

"Anyways, this is a lovely house you have. It must be scary though, living so close to Mafia territory." I ask hoping to redirect the conversation away from animosity and get some answers from Dazai-san. I think he can tell what I'm doing.

"Thank you for the compliments Atsushi-kun, I'm glad you like it." His politeness confuses me at first then I realise he must be teasing Kunikida-san. "But no actually, we feel very safe living here." He's gigling as he says it.

"Really?" I can't hide my surprise.

Dazai-san hmms in affirmation, he's about to say more when his husband shivers.

"Is Chibi cold?"

His husband says nothing.

"Yes, it is very cold, you shouldn't be so close to the open door, you'll only make your cold worse."

The husband looks like he wants to protest but retreats into the house anyways.

Dazai-san turns back to Kunikida-san and I.

"It really isn't a good idea to be letting all the warm air out, why don't you two come inside. Atsushi, would you like something warm to drink?" Dazai-san's voice drips with teasing sweetness and I don't miss how he disregarded Kunikida in his offer of refreshments.

"Um, I'm okay."

Dazai-san gives me a look, he knows me too well. "I promise you it's no trouble at all, I'm making Chibi and myself tea as well."

"Thank you."

He shuts the door behind us and we walk through the open floor to the kitchen counter where Dazai-san's husband is sitting.

"This really is a very nice house." I say because I can't think of anything else that wouldn't be considered rude.

Dazai-san's husband groans, "Why'd you led themb comb indside? Tha kid is gibing bme a headache."

Dazai-san pats his head affectionately, "Aw is Chibi pouting?"

His husband growls, or tries to but it comes out as a cough.

Dazai-san continues, "I let them in because it's the polite thing to do. Don't worry, I know dogs have no manners."

Dazai-san's husband huffs in annoyance I can tell isn't completely genuine. The interaction seems familiar, personal and I feel like I'm intruding so I look away.

When I turn I see the stand where the coats are kept.

It's a perfectly normal hatstand with seven "branches". The highest holds a long, tan trench coat, the second highest holds another trench coat, shorter than Dazai-san's and black with brown lapels . . . and hooked on top of the stand is an equally familiar black hat with brown trim.

This outfit I'd know anywhere even with the rest missing. The sight itself strikes fear into my heart, if the outfit is here it's owner must not be very far off. I scan the room making sure the mafia Executive won't suddenly appear and attack.

"Atsushi-kun!"

"What?" I ask, just registering that dazai-san has been calling my name.

"Your tea is ready. Is something the matter?"

"Why do you have Executive Nakahara-san's coat and hat? Did you steal them from him or something, because you should probably give them back, I bet he's mad. And since you live so close to the Port Mafia and all . . ." the sentence dies in my mouth when I notice the expression dazai-san wears.

He stares at me for a moment, cocking his head in a cat-like manner, and then he bursts out laughing.

"Dazai-san! How can you laugh, Executive Nakahara-san might really hurt you!" I try to emphasise the exact level of danger that my mentor has put himself in but he doesn't seem to get it.

Dazai-san's husband is laughing as well at this point but it trunks into vicious coughing and draws all our attention away from the predicament for a moment. 

"Be gentle with your throat, love, you have such a pretty voice."

When Dazai-san's husband recovers his breath he turns around to me with a look of incredulity. "Is dis kid jogkig?" Dazai-san's husband somehow still manages to sound sarcastic even through the congestion.

"I don't think so, my love, have your tea."

"I deed wine if I'm godda dead with dis shid."

Dazai-san shakes his head stubbornly, "Nu-uh! No alcohol for sick Chibis."

"Ugh, den ged themb oud, I wand to sleeb."

"Aww, but we haven't even told them yet."

Dazai-san's husband frowns.

"Come on, I'll give you a massage if you stay up just a bit more, hmm?"

"Fide!"

"Umm, told us what, Dazai-san? What about Executive Nakahra's coat and hat?"

He looks at me like he's forgotten we were here but it's obviously an act.

"Oh, yes, that. I didn't steal it, and it's actually Executive Dazai now."

"Wha-" my brain short circuits

Kunikida seems to process this faster than I do.

"You've joined the Port Mafia? Why!? How long have you been a double agent!?" Kunikida tries to lunge for Dazai-san but he's on the ground before I can blink. I see the surprise in dazai's eyes, he hadn't been expecting this.

I try to slow my thoughts down so I can fully observe the situation.

Dazai-san's husband stands with his foot on Kunikida-san's chest, the hood of his sweatshirt fallen down displaying his bright red hair with its unique cut. These features I'd know anywhere. Kunikida-san's eyes bulge practically out of their socket, he sputters under the weight of the man.

I scream in delayed reaction to the Gravity Manipulator's sudden appearance. Everyone turns to face me, they all look down so I do too, My feet and hands have turned into paws from the shock.

Even Executive Nakahara looks startled.

"Well, that was unexpected, but my love, you're still ill, now is hardly the time for fighting."

My love? What is going on here? 

Executive Nakahara steps away, leaning heavily on Dazai-san Kunikida-san scrambles to his feet, notebook brandishing out in front of him like a sword.

"What are you doing here?"

"He lives here," Dazai-san says simply, "He's Executive Dazai, not me. Don't you worry Kunikida, my loyalties are still firm. I am loyal to Chuuya, not the Port Mafia."

Kunikida-san looks ready to blow up so I ask the obvious next question.

"Why is Naka- Chuuya-san using your last name, is he trying to make a fake identity?"

No, Chuuya took my last name. Such a thieving chibi!" my mentor laughs, "Actually, I gave it to him."

Kunikida-san's eyes roll back in his head and he falls to the floor with a dull thud.

I start to go over to him but my mentor waves his hand dismissively, "Leave him there."

"You debanded I tage it, you basdard!" the Mafai executive corrects, sounding sicker than ever.

My mentor ignores his words, planting a kiss over on top of his head. "Anyway, there are many ways these things are decided in same gender marriages but since I'm taller than Chibi it was only logical that he take my name."

The Executive all but growls. It all falls into place, I should've known. Dazai-san always calls Chhuya-san Chibi when we have to work with the Port Mafia on missions. I feel stupid, it should have been obvious as soon as I saw the blue eyes and red hair.

"And to answer your original question, that is why his coat is here. We don't feel unsafe here because everyone is afraid of us, also the added convenience of being close to Chibi's job."

"Why are they afraid of you Dazai-san?" as the question comes out I wonder if I should clarify who I'm directing the question to.

"Oh, I used to be in the Port Mafia."

"WHATTT!!!???" these words have snapped Kunikida-san out of his unconscious spell

"Ah, the idealist finally awakens. I hope your little fainting spell hasn't messed up your schedule too badly." Dazai-san mocks

Kunikida-san struggles to get himself upright, his face as red as when "Well, Mafia or no, where have you been for the past week."

"Three days" Dazai-san corrects again.

Kunikida-san clenches his notebook tighter as if he's imagining strangling his collage, I think he might be.

"Isn't it obvious?" dazai-san asks the room

Neither Kunikida-san nor I answer.

"My beloved Chibi here has come down with a most nasty cold. I could hardly leave him home alone to suffer in this state, now could I?" He massages Chuuya's shoulders as he asks the rhetorical question. I can see the executive starting to sink into sleep.

He looks so harmless and I really do feel badly for him. 

"I see, we're– I'm sorry for intruding. I, uh, hope you feel better Chuuya-san."

"Thank you, Atsushi-kun–" dazai-san is cut off by footsteps on the stairs, small and light, not at all like Chuuya's aggressive stomp.

"Father? Papa?" A small boy stands on the landing leaning sleepily against the railing. His hair is dark brown and his eyes are large hazel orbs of innocence. He can't be older than five. He holds a toy slingshot and it's aimed right at me.

"My, my, what is Saku-chan doing up so late?" Dazai-san coos sweetly at the boy who comes down the stairs, slingshot still aimed, ready to fire. His father laughs, "Put that down, this is Atsushi-kun, he just stopped by for a visit."

"Oh. Sowy 'sushi" His sleep-induced slur and baby talk make the words utterly adorable.

"It's fine." I tell the young boy.

"Is Kyu-chan awake as well?"

"No." 

"Oh that's good, I'd hate for all this yelling to hurt their ears."

He turns back to me, laughing as he catches the sleeping executive as he slips to the floor. "Thank you for visiting Atsushi, but I'm afraid we're all a bit tired this late at night."

Dazai-san's sudden manners take me by surprise. "Oh, of course, Kunikida and I shouldn't overstay our welcome. You four?" Dazai-san nods in confirmation, "have a very good night."

"And you as well."

I nod, taking the hand of a dazed Kunikida-san and leading him out of the door. Tonight was certainly interesting. 

(A/N: Sorry about this ending I was having loads of trouble with it. It isn't as intense as I would've liked on the relationship reveal part. I guess my brain was just in fluff mode, but I'm not upset about the way this turned out, I guess. I may edit later. If you like it pls let me know. Also for clarification Soukoku has two kids, Sakunosuke (named after Oda) and Q is also their kid in this fic.)

[eflen-n-reegee]

Heyya!

There are some things I want to write (specifically: another Field Museum field trip (featuring stuff I got to see on member’s night) and CG headcanons for Father from the show “Raised By Wolves” - he’s such a freaking good dad!) but I’m probably not gonna get those written until at least June. (I work in a school and I’ve got some end-of-year burnout keeping me from writing.)

But I’ve been feeling smallish, so I thought maybe I’d rave about some of my favorite childhood movies (in no particular order). :)

A Troll in Central Park I swear, every single time we went to Blockbuster, I wanted to rent this movie. I just adored it, and I really still do. It just makes me really happy.

Lady and the Tramp This is one of my favorite Disney movies. It’s so pretty, and I love the characters.

Cats (1998) Is it a “kids movie”? No. Did I understand the plot? Barely. But by gosh, I’d put on a leotard and paint whiskers on my face, and I would dance around the living room like I’d been raised to play one of the characters. 😸

The Rescuers Down Under I actually wasn’t allowed to watch this for most of my childhood because my mom felt like the bad guy was “too evil” - she tried to be careful about the things me and my siblings watched when we were really young. (Although, kinda funny, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” was never restricted. 🤣) But I was able to watch it a few times, and I really liked it.

The Prince of Egypt The MUSIC! My gosh, even when I was too young to really appreciate the visuals, I knew the music was great.

The Muppet Christmas Carol We still watch this movie every Christmas. One year my dad was on the phone with my grandparents while we were watching, and he couldn’t stop laughing at “Jacob and Robert Marley”.

Pollyanna I don’t really know WHY I loved this movie so much - it’s so dialog-heavy and I had (and still kind of have) a pretty short attention span. Still, basically every time I was at my grandparents house I wanted to watch their copy of it.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks I guess some people say this movie was a “Mary Poppins” knockoff? Honestly, as much as I do enjoy “Mary Poppins”, I personally like this more. Maybe ‘cause I like witches.

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1997 English Dub) The characters! The story! The music! AAAAHHH! This is still one of my all-time favorite movies, and it bums me out so much that the 97’ version is so hard to find. (I may or may not have found it online and saved it to my computer so I’ll always have it. XD) I still have the VHS copy I got for Christmas when I was really little.

Homeward Bound & Homeward Bound 2: Lost in San Francisco Everytime I hear the theme music I feel giddy. I like the first one a little more, but they’re both such nice, feel-good movies.

The Lion King 2 - Simba’s Pride … I like this movie more than the first one. 😱😂 The original “Lion King” is great, but I just alway liked this one more. The colors, the songs, the characters (good gosh, Zira is one of my favorite villains ever, don’t even get me started). It’s just really good!

Oliver and Company As a kid this was probably one of my top five Disney movies. It’s not quite so high on the list now, but I still really love it.

Hap Palmer’s Baby Songs This is technically a series and not a “movie”, but this is my list so I’m gonna count it. 😆 They’re mostly original songs, they’re super catchy, and the accompanying videos are a lot of fun. Most of the songs are on Hap Palmer’s YouTube channel; I highly recommend checking it out. (Also: I did not grow up watching “Turn on the Music”, but it’s also really good.) 

The Ruby Princess Runs Away This movie is available on YouTube, but please tell me if you ever saw it as a kid - none of my friends had and I couldn’t believe it. This was one of my favorite movies and I watched it so much I can still recite segments of it; a few years ago my sister picked a random scene, played a few seconds, and I gave her the next lines of dialogue. That’s how wild I was about it. 🤣 It’s honestly not a great movie, pretty average and without much of a budget, but I still love it.

[orphancookie69]

8/2024: Disneyland Trip!!

I know I usually talk about Disney Dreamlight Valley feeling like my wannabe Disneyland experience, but I asked my mom to have her family friend sign me in for a day-for my birthday in June. Well, disregarding the month-its August and I get to go!

My family has been heavily into Disney. I used to go as a kid all the time, the family friend Cast Member would sign us in. My grandparents at one point had passes before DL decided to cater to the non-resident customers. After I got older, it was only a handful of times I have gotten back there-a wonderful date, pre-public opening for cast members, and now!

8/4:

I got dropped off by my partner, and I appreciated it. There are 2 drop offs: on Harbor and Downtown Disney. Quicker way to the park, even with security. I arrived first, the rest of my party took about a half hour to park and get there. One we got in, we tried for Big Thunder Mountain Railroad in Frontierland. It was broken down so we went to Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge.

I have been here before but last time I did not get to the rides. But man, just walking around-I feel like a teenager with dreams come true of being in the epic star wars movies I watched with my dad. World building, digital or real, can be very impressive. First ride was Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance. Honestly, new rides are impressive. Magnets instead of tracks. Also, I FOUND STORM TROOPERS! Then we went to Millenium Falcon: Smugglers Run. The ride itself was really good, the build up/walk to was a little meh.

A ride is built up first in your mind, then you prep for it as you walk and immerse yourself in the surroundings for what is safely up to 30 minute wait, and then you have the ride. Typically not nearly as long as the buildup but worth it when the previous steps are done right.

Also, someone proposed to their partner there and IT WAS THE CUTEST EVER. Like I have heard about that but to see it, man. We ran into the woman later and was like congrats babe your man has excellent taste!

Next we went to Star Tours: The Adventure Continues in Tomorrowland. This is funny to have done next as it was the classic star wars ride compared to the new one. But they made small changes to the ride to make it more like an airport as you are waiting. It was funny. Thunder Mountain was working again, man I don't remember the ride feeling that small-like the structure as you are waiting? Also, I swear you used to be able to put your stuff in a cubby across but oh well.

Food places, like good sit down places had weird varying times of opening. Stalls seemed like they should of been open earlier or more consistently but oh well. Earlier in the day we tried for haunted mansion and got in "virtual queue". We believe that they were halfway done with the Nightmare before christmas transition and that because of less waiting room-they did a group check in approach. Even for getting there early, we were group #120. And the ride broke down once during the day stopping the queue all together for a bit.

We did some shopping, man it was hot as hades out there. We did Pirates of the Carribean in New Orleans Square. Lots of changes happening there, Splash Mountain is being changed to Tiana's Bayou Adventure and Tiana's Place has taken over a nearby restaurant. Pirates was amazing. We went back to Thunder Mountain and it broke down while we were on it, not worried at all. We also did Indiana Jone's Adventure. Funny enough, my nephew into horror games thought it was too scary-kids today! Just before leaving-Haunted Mansion called us. It is so neat to see it mostly done for the upcoming season!

The ride itself looked amazing, as it usually does. It stopped twice, and honestly I was a little worried it seemed to be struggling more than it usually does. We had a park hopper ability, but we were all a bit tired and not much we wanted to go on. California Adventure has some cool things, but I preferred the drop ride when it was from The Twilight Zone, and the Incredicoaster is just California Screamin' with a face lift. Soaring over California is pretty cool too.

We had Lightning Passes for this trip, and while I have my own reservations about using that kind of thing-it helps to get the most of the experience. You could only book 2 rides at a time and not all rides were friendly for it. There's watches you could wear and interact with the park but the app does everything the watch does. We were there for about half a day? Pretty good haul for the time there.

Some change is good, some change is meh. The digital age is alive and well. We are considering getting annual passes when they become available again. Maybe even getting Magic Bands. There are still many places in Disneyland my nephew has not experienced that are on the list for next time.

[johnemulaney]

John Mulaney: From Scratch in Las Vegas, September 4

Once again, spoilers for the show and what will presumably be in the special. This is about his relapse so tread with caution is that will be an issue for you. However, the tone of his struggle is the same one he used in his past specials so if you didn’t have any issues then, I think you’d be ok with this. Of course, use your own best judgement, friends.

The opener was Seaton Smith. 

He opened with trying to find the rich people in the crowd but acknowledged that they’d go mwrmwmwrw money isn’t everything so then he started talking about golf and went aha I got ya’ll. 

There was a joke about weed being the only Christian drug

He had a bit about when white people are nice, be nervous

He had a bit about there being a black man on the Bachelor and was like America (ABC and Disney+) were not ready for a black man to be fucking a house full of 50 white women. That shit premiered on Tuesday and the Capitol burned on Wednesday.

He also did some crowd work and roasted a couple in the front row for having different answers about kids and she was like I didn’t hear the question and was roasted about how not hearing questions you don’t want to answer is certainly a tactic, often used by drug dealers

He also had a bit about how different child rearing is in Texas versus New York and about how hitting your kids is treated differently, like his dad would have just threatened it whimsically. 

Now on to the Main Event!

The first thing he said was “hiiiiiiiiii” exactly in the tone you think he said it in. he followed that up with a little shrug looking adorable and a little bashful

“It’s him! Mr. Problems. Oh Las Vegas, Oh my god” he then talks about how Vegas is a land of vice and a Choice for him to preform in as a recovering addict. He had a sober buddy and 3 bodyguards with him at all times. 

“And here’s what happened” December 18, 2020, he gets invited to a friends apartment for dinner AND HE’S TWO HOURS LATE because he stopped, coked out of his mind, at SNL for a haircut because he still had his building access badge and he went to the hair department and they were like, he’ll leave faster if we just do this, and then he stopped at his drug dealers. 

He called venmo and cashapp, apps for drug deals and was like what do normal people even use them for. He maxed both out paying for drugs. 

He was the best looking person at his intervention. “Coke skinny, new cut” and the 12 people intervening looked like shit. He looked “tears for fears while they all looked jerry garcia” (I hope you know who those musicians are besties). 

He immediately yelled “Can I go to the bathroom” to you know, dump his drugs because when you walk into that, you know what it is. 

He was not allowed to go (he would be asked if he still needed to pee later and would say “what?”

There were 6 people in NYC and 6 people over zoom in LA because he guesses 6 people couldn’t be bothered to fly in for HIS INTERVENTION

Interventions can go two ways, it can be kind of accusatory and this is how you let us all down, or it can be supportive. Everyone but Nick Kroll got the memo to be supportive.

Nick Kroll went first.

Nick Kroll listed all the ways John was a bad best friend and brother over zoom and John was getting texts during the intervention saying Nick wasn’t supposed to do that and they were all sorry. 

Bill Hader went next. he originally wasn’t going to be able to make it so he had recorded a thing but since he was there, he did it live. (He would eventually send the video to John in rehab, which is not what you want on the way to rehab “awesome, more intervention”)

He tried to derail the intervention, “there’s not enough latinx representation” he said he’d go to any rehab except the one they had picked out for him. This was a star-studded affair and he was mad no one was being funny. 

 Natasha Lyons went next, telling him his life and career is in shambles

So he gets carted off to rehab after this intervention. Don’t let 12 comedians pack your bags for 2 months at rehab. it was bombas socks and iphone chargers. 

A little secret about rehab, you’re not allowed to bring drugs in. You remember how he was late? In his pocket on the way to rehab included: a huge amount of pills, 3g of coke (which was 2g by the time he got there, courtesy of a koala station in a gas station bathroom), and $2000 in cash. He had other plans for the weekend. He was admitted for xanax, coke, perocet, and adderall addiction. Say what you will, but he does not do anything half way.

It’s 4am when he’s sent to detox, he’s been awake for 3 days. 

He also gives a small lesson on how to get drugs. Find the lowest rated doctors on yelp and webmd reviews and go ask for them, they need all the business they can get. You become like Captain Phillips, I am the doctor now. 

Dr. Michael was his shady doctor. He was a first avenue apartment where he would write prescriptions from his kitchenette where his girl Minerva was always asleep. “I didn’t kill my wife Minerva.” But John would ask for his drugs, Dr. Michael would write the script and then ask what he needed it for. Dr. Michael would also make John take his shirt off, always offering a flu shot and going no, shirt all the way off (in case you were wondering how bad this addiction actually was)

The first moral is now you know. The second moral is get vaccinated.

He’s sent to the regular ward the next afternoon and they finally get him to sleep. 

He’s sketched out that doctors have last names at this establishment

He asks for drugs such as klonopin and is taken aback a bit when he doesn’t get them. The doctor is like PA state law says no, and so John suggests they go to a CVS in Jersey to get some. 

His bestie Pete Davidson starts calling that night. Except Pete changes his number every month and a half so John has him send a selfie and saves the new number under some other random name, at this point in time, Pete is saved as Al Pacino. (We get an Al Pacino impression) John is asleep and his nurse sees Al Pacino trying to call him 5 times and so she wakes him up. 

Pete Davidson and John Mulaney did not do drugs together. (The author is lowkey surprised and sad about that, like if Pete was my bestie, we’d make so many poor choices) But Pete was always very supportive of his sobriety. 

John needs recognition so badly, in group when they introduced themselves he said “I’m John M.” and no one cared. So he left a tabloid out with the news of his admittance and his face on it in the rec room on the table. The not being someone was “driving him bananas.” When they talked about what they do for a living and he said I’m a a stand up comedian, someone asked if he made a living that way. He said “yeah ask your daughter” (or your son)

One of the things you do at rehab is break up with your drug dealer.

One of his drug dealers only bought drugs to keep John from buying worse off the streets and only got into the game because John kept asking him for drugs and was his only buyer. That guy was originally a painter and John has no idea how they met. John is the only person to turn an innocent man into a drug dealer. 

Here he did the Baby J is back baby joke. the Park Theater is one of the biggest stages in the world so he did that joke in one pace across the stage and said the stage is that joke long. 

“I am no longer on drugs. It’s very good but also ah---” He’s in a 12 step anonymous group. 

“I need attention, clearly.” After a show you think he would be sated, but no. 

He wants that attention that the kid who’s grandparent died and showed up to school dressed for the funeral and got to sit in the beanbag chair for reading despite it not being his turn, gets. He went on about being willing to let one of the lesser important grandparents die so he could get attention, for quite a while. 

He feels left behind in science, like his C’s and D’s in those classes. All those classes were was putting things on a windowsill for the janitor to throw away. He had a bit about how the fuck people put dinosaurs back together, it’s like getting wayfair furniture without the instructions. 

He also things the moon belongs to America. Like we got there first and when other countries say stuff about the moon he’s like mmmmmmm.

He also had a joke about paying to get into college and like, for white people that’s always how it’s been. 

The show ended with him going over the highlights of that GQ interview that he was so coked out for that he forgot he did it entirely. He has no memory of it at all. He was just called up that day and asked for an interview and you know how coke is the best drug to receive attention on? He just did whatever he wanted with that attention. 

And that was the show.

[jamespotterthefirst]

Mi Reina Bree. I must know, if you haven't done this already, Ethan and Lilac and their babies go to Disney World hcs? Would they bring someone to babysit while they get some alone time? Ethan in mickey ears after his babies ask? What rides? Queen Lilac and her babies and big baby 😏 fav activities? The fireworks? Only if you have time/energy my lovely. I cant get enough of my 🐰🐰s and their 🐰🐰🐰🐰s. X

My queen, dklfjkdjfksdjlkfjdlkf YOU KNOW ME SO WELL. 

I adore Disney so much. Thank you so much for sending this in! I had so much fun! 

Happiest Place (Disneyland HCs)

Ethan is 100% going to end up on the “DILFs of Disney” Instagram page (edit at the end)

They are going to Disneyland in California with Lilac's family for Jonah’s eleventh birthday

Her sister, Laurel, made him a shirt that says “Birthday Boy” in Disney font

And she made everyone else shirts that say “Tia/Auntie”, “Abuelita”, “Abuelito”, “Mamá/ Mom”, “Papá/ Dad”, “Hermanita/Little sister”. They are a bilingual family ftw

Ethan is grumpy about wearing his shirt that morning in the hotel room.

When his mother-in-law greets him outside the park, she looks a bit disappointed that he’s not matching with everyone else.

Ethan hurries to throw the shirt on because he cannot stand to disappoint that kind woman

Lilac rolls her eyes and texts him: “Kiss ass.”

Because they don’t curse in front of the kids

The first thing their overly excited children do is drag everyone to the nearest store for Mickey Ears.

Jonah gets a Goofy hat, Dolores gets unicorn Minnie Ears, they get Minnie Ears hair clips for the twins because their heads are too little

The kids spot the Bride and Groom Mickey and Minnie ears and beg their parents to wear them

“It's not our wedding.” Ethan tells them.

“Yeah, but we weren't there to see the real thing. Dad, pleaseeee.”

They do it.

They ride a few attractions, the twins staying outside with their grandparents for the ones they are too young for.

After Big Thunder Mountain, Jonah immediately notices his dad barely reacts

“He doesn't scream or anything.”

“I am. Internally.”

So it becomes their mission to make Ethan scream during a ride.

Aunt Laurel mutters something to Lilac that no one else hears. 

Lilac slaps her sister's arm and says through gritted teeth, "Keep it PG”

They go on every single ride, even It's A Small World. 

Ethan almost got out of going on that infernal thing, but a single pleading look from his daughters made him agree to it.

He might as well kiss his free will goodbye for the rest of the trip

They also do Meet and Greets with the characters.

Everyone taunts Lilac for being a tad bit jealous when Belle takes an interest on Ethan and informs him he reminds her of her prince.

“You do realize who her prince is, right? She essentially called you a beast.” Lilac tells Ethan much later. So much later he almost forgot what she was talking about.

He leans in, careful no one is around to hear, and whispers, “I prefer it when you call me that.”

Jonah makes a Lightsaber at Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge. He makes his father get one too for their epic battles at home. Dolores makes a cute little droid. The twins each get a Porg. 

The ride that finally makes the reticent and ever stoic Ethan Ramsey break is Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission BREAKOUT.

Though that is still, to this day, a disputed fact.

It is difficult to tell with certainty if Ethan was screaming since there were over twenty people in the gantry, all shrieking while free-falling repeatedly from several stories to the tune of Give Up the Funk by Parliament.

Jonah insists they go again to get a different song (they get Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar that time). 

But really, he wants to see if Dad was really screaming.

He was.

They also take Dolores to see the stage adaptation of Frozen, which everyone ended up enjoying.

Right before sunset, Aunt Laurel and their abuelitos offer to take the kids to Pixar Pier so that Ethan and Lilac can have some alone time.

It works out perfectly because Ethan has a surprise planned.

They stop at the hotel room to change

Which

Takes longer than anticipated because they are taking full advantage of this rare moment of alone time

They take advantage of their alone time twice

When they finally make it out, Ethan leads them to the exclusive Club 33 for dinner

(Yeah, the same one that has a waitlist of over 10 years, a joining fee of $33K, and an annual fee of $15K)

Ethan doesn’t fuck around. 

“How did you—” Lilac begins to ask, but stops. At this point in their marriage, she doesn't question her husband's influence anymore.

“A friend of mine is a member.”

After a luxurious five course meal and some drinks, they meet their family outside the castle just in time for the fireworks.

The twins are long asleep in their stroller, but both Jonah and Dolores grin with barely controlled glee as they wait for the show to start

Ethan hoists Dolores on his shoulders

Lilac does the same with Jonah, even if she's not as tall as their father. Her son doesn't seem to mind.

Ethan glances at his wife, looking ecstatic in the excitement of the warm night.

Right there with his perfect little family, right before the first firework bursts against the sky, he is happier than he has ever been before.

Note: LOL! that DILF page is so stalker-y 

Thank you again, Queen Preet, for sending me this! Thank you to everyone for reading. Also, thank you to everyone who sent me requests! I have two done and scheduled for when I’m on vacation :)

[bellaireland1981]

New Beginnings: A Christmas at Disney

Summary:  Follow up to New Beginnings series- Andy and Briella head to Disney World with Jacob, Ava and Bri’s parents for Christmas. A little bit of Christmas magic mixed with a little bit of Disney magic and you never know what will happen! 

Characters: Andy Barber x Briella James (named reader), Ava James, Jacob Barber, and Briella’s parents. 

Warnings:  None- FLUFF and lots of sweetness 

Word count: 5k (it got away from me!)

**Read the series starting with Ch 1 HERE

A/N: I do not give permission to copy or post my work on any other website or platform. Reblogs are always welcome. Andy Barber and Jacob Barber are characters that do not belong to me. All other characters in this story are my own. Thank you @denisemarieangelina​ for reading and being my sounding board for all things Disney! 

“Slow down, Princess” Andy laughed as Ava all but dragged him towards the entrance to Magic Kingdom. “It’s not going anywhere.”

“Someone sure is excited to get to Disney!” Your mom laughed, walking behind with you, Jacob and your dad.

She wasn’t wrong. Ava had been a ball of excitement since you’d gotten on the plane to fly to Orlando. You were staying on property at the Contemporary Resort, so the Disney magic had started at the airport when you’d boarded the Disney bus to head to the hotel. Once you’d arrived, she’d discovered several gifts on her bed of the hotel, including a breakfast reservation with all of the princesses.

“I can’t be late to meet the princesses! Hurry!” She begged.

“We have plenty of time, Monkey” You assured her, “We have early entry to the park, and breakfast isn’t for another hour.”

That seemed to satisfy her some, as she slowed down at least. You all made your way into the park and started out on Main Street, looking in some of the shops. Soon, it was time to make your way over to breakfast at Cinderella’s Castle. Ava was beyond excited at this point. Jacob walked ahead with her, holding her hand so she didn’t get too far ahead of everyone.

“She’s in heaven.” Andy said, smiling at Ava as she interacted with all of the princesses. “I love seeing her so happy.”

“She’ll be on cloud nine for the rest of the day, and probably the trip.” You agreed.

“This just might be the highlight of her entire year.” Your dad laughed.

After breakfast, you moved through more of the park until lunch time. By then Ava was starting to get tired, so you and Andy took her back to the hotel to rest for a bit. Your parents stayed at the park with Jacob, continuing to explore the park.

Ava was already asleep when you got to the hotel. Andy carried her to the room and gently laid her on the bed.

“We’ll let her recharge her batteries and then we can head back for some more.” You said, “I know she won’t want to miss the parade or the fireworks later.”

While Ava slept, you and Andy ate a light lunch on the balcony of the room and enjoyed some quiet time together. Once Ava woke up, you got her some lunch and the three of you headed back into the park to meet up with Jacob and your parents.

You spend the afternoon going through the park,meeting all the characters, and riding as many rides as possible. By the time the parade begins, you’re convinced Ava and Jacob are both riding a permanent sugar high. You’ve never laughed so much as you did watching the two of them go through Disney together.

You snap lots of pictures of the various floats and characters as they go by. Being Christmastime, all of the floats and characters were decked out in holiday decorations. It made an already magical place, extra special.

“I love that Jake is having just as much fun as Ava, even though he’s a teenager.” Andy said, wrapping arms around you and resting his chin on your head. “I always wanted to bring him, but Laurie never seemed interested.”

“Well, we can make up for lost time now.” You promised, “We can make it our mission to visit during all of the holidays at least once. Or at least visit once in every season.”

“We may need to look at an annual pass,” Andy laughed, “But I’m sure Ava and Jacob would both like that plan.”

“I think you’re right.” You agreed, “They’ve both caught the Disney Magic, and I don’t think there’s a cure.”

“Mommy, when do the fireworks start?” Ava asked, turning to look at you from her perch on a nearby bench. Jacob was standing next to her, ensuring she didn’t fall.

“Soon, Monkey” You replied, “It’s after the light parade and when it gets just a little bit darker.”

“You’re going to love this Ava!” Jacob said, “I watched a YouTube video of it and I bet it’s even better in person!”

Jacob wasn’t wrong, the fireworks show was breathtaking. They were both mesmerized the entire show. You and Andy kept stealing glances at one another from over the tops of the kids’ heads. Once the show was over you started the trek back to the monorail to head back to the hotel. Jacob gave Ava a piggy back ride, as she was beyond exhausted while you and Andy walked behind them, and your parents walked in front of them.

Once back at the hotel, your parents went to their suite next to yours and the four of you headed into your suite. Ava was half asleep on Jacob’s back. Andy carefully lifted her off and carried her to one of the bedrooms.

“Do we need to wake her up to use the bathroom or change?” Andy asked you, gently laying her down on the bed and carefully pulling her shoes off.

“She should be ok as she is.” You replied, smiling at how loving and gentle he was with her.

“I’m going to crash too.” Jacob said, coming in and flopping down onto the other bed. “Thank you for bringing us. Today was a lot of fun.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Andy smiled at Jacob, “Sorry it took so long to get you here, Pal.”

“It’s better this way.” He replied, “It’ll only be good memories. Not tainted.”

“We love you, Jacob” You said gently, “There’s a lot more happy memories to be made, get some sleep sweetheart.”

You and Andy made your way out of their room, into the sitting area of the suite. He grabbed your hand and gently pulled you to the sofa, sitting down and pulling you into his lap.

“The past 3 months have been so amazing, I keep forgetting he’s still healing and coming to terms with everything that happened.” Andy sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head against yours. You wound your arms around him, your fingers gently threading in this hair.

“I have no doubt that there’s still a long road to recovery for him, but I can assure you, he’s come so far the last few months.” You reassure him. “He’s resilient, strong, and has a huge heart. He also has an amazing dad in his corner. And now he has Ava and me who will always be there for him, and pseudo grandparents.”

“I love you, Sweetheart.” Andy said, his lips finding your own.

“I love you too, Andy.” You replied between kisses. You both stayed on the couch for a while, enjoying the stillness of the night and being in each other’s arms. Eventually you made your way to the second bedroom in the suite and fell into an exhausted sleep curled into each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning was Christmas Eve. You’d all decided to order room service for breakfast before heading to Animal Kingdom for the day.

While waiting on breakfast to get delivered to the room, you and Ava go into the bathroom where you braid her hair for her in an Elsa style braid per her request. Once finished, she goes out to join Jacob to plan out what they want to see that day. You quickly finish getting ready and then join everyone in the common area of the suite.

After the food arrives, you help Andy get it all set up on the table for everyone. While setting the table you and Andy overhear Ava asking Jacob about Santa.

“Jakey,” Ava asked softly, “Will Santa be able to find me here at the hotel? And how will he get in? There’s no fireplace here… and we don’t have stockings or a tree!”

“He knows where we’re at, Kiddo.” He reassured her, “And he’s got magic, remember? He doesn’t need a fireplace to get in.”

“But what about the stockings and the tree?” She asked, not convinced, “Those are still at home.”

“We’re at Disney” He replied, “Between Disney magic and Santa’s magic, I think it’ll be covered.”

“Promise?” She asked, holding out her pinky to Jacob.

“Promise.” he said, linking his pinky with hers.

You looked at Andy, worried. You hadn’t thought about this aspect of being away for Christmas. Of course Ava would be worried about Santa not coming and being upset about not having the tree and stockings up.

“I’ll take care of it.” Andy whispered, reassuring you. He pulled you close and leaned in to kiss your forehead. “Trust me.”

“Always” You replied, smiling.

“Who’s ready for more Disney today?” Your dad said coming in through the suite door. “I hear Animal Kingdom is on tap for the day!”

“ME!” Ava said, jumping up and running over to hug him. “I can’t wait to see the animals and go on the safari! Jacob showed me a video!”

“I’ll bet it’s going to be another fun-filled day!” Your mom said. “And I heard one of the hotel workers say they’re preparing a giant batch of cookies for a certain someone who’ll be stopping by with presents tonight!”

“Really?” Ava asked, “Mommy! We need some of those cookies!”

“I’ll look into it Monkey.” You promised. “Let’s eat so we can get over to Animal Kingdom.”

Once everyone had finished eating you all headed down to the front of the hotel to catch the shuttle bus to Animal Kingdom.

Jacob and Ava wanted to do the safari first when you arrived so you headed over there.

“It’s kinda like when we first met at the zoo.” Jacob said, smiling at Ava. “Not a train, but still cool.”

“That was the best day EVER!” Ava exclaimed, “Mommy and I got  you and Andy that day!”

“You sure did, Princess.” Andy said, smiling lovingly at her. “You and your Mommy captured our hearts that day for sure.”

“Definitely the best day.” You said, wiping a stray tear from your eyes, smiling.

The safari was incredible. It was fun watching Jacob and Ava point out the animals and bonding over animals again.

“Those two have such an amazing bond.” Your mom said once you’d finished the safari. “They remind me of you and your brother when you were little.”

“They really do.” You agreed, “It makes my heart melt watching them together.”

“They’ve definitely already adopted one another.” Andy added. “I love getting to see Jake in a protective big brother role.”

“He’s got the role down pat for sure.” Your dad winked at Andy.

You headed to Pandora the world of Avatar next and spent a few hours there, before grabbing lunch and continuing on to the rest of the park.

You decided to head back to the hotel before dinner time, opting to eat at the hotel rather than Animal Kingdom.

While you headed to the pick up area to catch the bus, Andy nodded at Jacob who smiled and walked ahead with Ava a little bit in order to talk to her.

“It’s time, Kiddo.” He whispered, “Remember what dad wants you to say?”

“Yes!” She whispered back, excitedly. “I need to go to Cinderella’s wishing well and make a wish!”

“Good job.” He smiled at her, “Make sure to really sell it!”

They stopped at the bus pick up and waited for everyone to catch up. The trip back to the hotel didn’t take too long. When they arrived back and got off the bus, Andy winked at Ava over your shoulder.

“MOMMY!” Ava exclaimed, “We have to go back to the Magic Kingdom! I have to go to Cinderella’s wishing well!”

“Ok, Monkey” You said, amused, “We can go back tomorrow.”

“NO!” She insisted, “I have to go TONIGHT! It’s Christmas EVE and Jacob said that Disney magic AND Santa magic are EXTRA special. So I HAVE to make the wish tonight. Pleeeeeaaasssseee?”

“How about we take the monorail and go to the wishing well then just get dinner at the Magic Kingdom tonight?” Andy suggested, “It’s still early enough.”

“We can see if there is availability to eat at Cinderella’s Royal Table.” Your mom suggested, “I know our little Princess would love that.”

“Sounds like fun to me!” Jacob said, “We can see the fireworks show again!”

“Ok then,” You laughed, “I guess we’re not done with Disney today just yet.”

“YAY!” Ava yelled, happily. “Let’s go! Let’s go!” She tugged Jacob’s hand and started moving to the monorail.

“You know we can’t always give in though, right?” You asked Andy, laughing, “We’re creating a monster here.”

“I know, but it’s Christmas.” Andy shrugged, smiling, “And it’s Disney.”

“Wrapped around her little finger.” you laughed

“Possibly.” He agreed. “Come on, let’s go experience some more magic.”

You rode the monorail into the Magic Kingdom and immediately headed towards Cinderella’s wishing well for Ava.

“While we’re here did you want to go on any of the rides again or see anything else?” You asked the kids.

“Nope! Just the wishing well!” Ava said, “And what Nana said for dinner. I like that!”

“I’m good.” Jacob agreed, “We’re doing Epcot tomorrow for Christmas around the world”?

“Yup!” You confirmed, “We’ll do breakfast and presents in the morning and then head to Epcot later.”

“Cool.” he smiled. “There was a shop I kinda wanted to go back to on Main Street if that’s ok on our way out?”

“Of course!” You said, “We can stop after dinner. I may pick up some treats from the candy shop too.”

“Now who has whom wrapped around their finger?” Andy teased you, mimicking your earlier words.

“Hush” You laughed, “Not the same thing.”

“Uh huh.” He nodded, smirking.  “Your argument is weak, my love.”

Once you arrived at the wishing well your mom and dad walked up with Ava and Jacob giving them each coins to toss into the well.

“Andy and Bri, you make wishes too.” Your mom said smiling, her hand holding out two more coins. You and Andy reached over and took the coins.

“You have to hold the coin in your hand really tight” Ava told Jacob, “Squeeze your eyes close and think REALLY hard about what you want to wish for. If you think about it and wish hard enough, it’ll come true!”

Jacob followed her instructions and made his wish, tossing the coin into the well. Ava made her wish next, tossing her coin into the well.

“Your turn Mommy!” Ava said, “Make a wish! Close your eyes REALLY REALLY tight and wish SUPER hard!”

Andy smiled at her, winking. You laughed, then closed your eyes tightly and made a show about really thinking about your wish, wanting to make Ava happy. In reality, you already had everything you could wish for. You finally tossed your coin into the well, opening your eyes.

“Ok, Andy…” You said, turning around to face him, your words getting stuck when you saw him.

While you were making your wish, Andy pulled the ring he’d been holding onto out of his pocket and had dropped down to one knee.

“Everything I could possibly wish for is already right here with me, Bri.” He said, his voice full of emotion. “I never really believed in second chances or in happily ever after until I was lucky enough to meet you and Ava. I was determined to be the best dad I could to Jacob and make our own happiness. We moved here for a fresh start, and I was given that and so much more. You embraced Jacob and he immediately started healing, and finding himself again. I was probably already half in love with you when we met for that reason alone. I fell completely in love with you the day in the zoo. Watching you with Ava and Jacob, I knew that’s what a mother’s love was supposed to look like. My heart was also captured by a little Princess that day. Bri, I love you completely with everything that I am. I love Ava as if she were my own. I love our little family that we’ve created. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together, raising these two crazy kids, and any more that may come along.”

You wiped at the tears now steadily streaming down your face at his words. Your heart bursting with love for him.

“Briella James, will you marry me?” Andy asked, smiling up at you, his eyes brimming with love for you.

“YES!” You exclaimed happily through your tears. Andy slipped the ring on your finger and then stood up, pulling you to him and kissing you.

You could hear loud applause all around from your parents, Jacob and Ava, but also from many strangers who had witnessed the proposal.

“I love you too, Andy.” You said when you could regained your composure. “More than I can possibly put into words.”

“Congratulations you two!” Your mom and dad said, coming over to hug you. Ava bounded over and threw herself into Andy’s arms hugging him tightly.

“I’m really glad you said yes.” Jacob said hugging you, “I mean I figured you would, but I’m still really glad. I love you Bri.”

“I love you too, Jacob.” You replied, a fresh wave of tears springing to your eyes.

“My wish came true!” Ave laughed happily, “Jacob was right! Disney magic and Christmas magic together makes the wish more powerful!”

“We have reservations at Cinderella’s Royal Table in 20 minutes.” Your dad said, winking at you. “Let’s get some pictures and then we can head over.”

Your parents snapped pictures of you and Andy and then of you both with the kids before a very helpful cast member came over and offered to take a picture of everyone together. One you were done with pictures, you made your way to dinner.

Like the princess breakfast, Ava was enamored by everything at dinner. It was fun to see her so excited. You kept sneaking peeks at your left hand, smiling whenever you saw your ring. Andy saw you looking and smiled widely.

After dinner, you all went to the shops on Main Street for some last minute shopping. Once you were all done you decided to skip the fireworks show again and head back to the hotel. Ava was anxious to pick up cookies and place them out for Santa and it had been a very eventful day.

The trip back was quick as most people were staying until the park closed. When you entered the hotel you took Ava to go get some cookies while everyone else headed up to the rooms. You knew Andy had something planned for her, but he hadn’t let you in on exactly what the surprise was.

Once Ava picked out the perfect cookies for Santa you headed up to the suite. When you walked in you both let out surprised gasps. While you’d been gone today, your suite had been turned into a Christmas wonderland. It could almost rival the North Pole. In one corner of the common space, a large tree had been set up and decorated. Garland was strung around the suite, what looked like mistletoe was hung by the balcony doors and on one wall, stockings were hung. The stockings were all Disney themed and had everyone’s names embroidered on them.

“MOMMY!” Ava exclaimed, “It’s BEAUTIFUL!”

“It really is, Monkey.” You agreed, “It’s perfect.” You looked over at Andy, smiling. You walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him, pulling him down so you could kiss him.  “Thank you.” You whispered.

“Of course,” he replied, kissing you back. “Anything to put a smile on our Princess’ face.”

Jacob helped Ava get the cookies on a plate and placed a small carton of Milk next to it with a note. Ava had written the note to Santa earlier in the day and sealed it in a hotel envelope so we couldn’t see it. She insisted it was for Santa only.

“Alright, Princess,” Andy said, “Time to get ready for bed and head off to dreamland so Santa can come.”

“Ok!” She said, hopping up and heading into the bathroom to brush her teeth and change.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that willing to go to bed before.” You laughed.

Your parents said goodnight and headed to their room, and Jacob went and got ready for bed after Ava was finished.

When both kids were ready for bed you went in to tuck Ava into bed.

“Mommy, can Jacob read me a bedtime story first?” Ava asked.

“That’s up to him, Monkey.” You said, “But off to sleep you go after one story.”

“I’ll read to you, Kiddo.” Jacob agreed. “Goodnight Bri.”

“Goodnight Jacob,” You smiled, “You’re already such an amazing big brother.”

“She makes it easy.” He shrugged, smiling bashfully.

“Good night Mommy!” Ava said, “I love you!”

“Goodnight, Monkey.” You replied, “I love you too. And I love you, Jacob.”

“Love you too.” He said smiling and grabbing a book to read to Ava.

You backed out of their room, quietly closing the door, and headed to your room to change and help Andy get everything set up for Ava for morning from Santa.

“Just when I think I can’t possibly love you any more than I already do, you go and prove me wrong.” You said wrapping your arms around Andy’s waist from behind and dropping a kiss on his shoulder blade. He turned in your arms and cupped your face gently in his hands, leaning down to kiss you softly.

“I love you too, Sweetheart.” He replied, leaning in to capture your lips again.

“How did I get so lucky that I get forever with you, my incredible fiance?” You asked.

“The luck is all mine, my beautiful future wife.” He replied.

Smiling, you both set to work filling stockings and getting all the gifts and Santa gifts under the tree. When you were about done, you noticed Andy pulling a small box out of a Disney bag that you didn’t remember picking up.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Andy said, looking almost as nervous as when he proposed.

“I already said, ‘Yes’.” You teased him.

“And I’m really glad you did, or this would be super awkward” He laughed, letting out a breath he’d been holding and sitting down on the bed. “I saw this necklace the day that I found your ring, and immediately knew I was going to get it for Ava. I know that by getting married, we are both gaining another child. I love Ava as if she were already mine, and I wanted to ask you, before asking her, if once we’re married, if I could legally adopt her? I want her to officially be my daughter.”

“Andy, of course you can!” You said, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. “I love that you love her and want to adopt her. And I know she’ll be ecstatic when you ask her. She already looks at you like her dad.”

“Think she’ll like the necklace?” He asked, opening the box to show you. Inside the box was a delicate silver chain with a locket and tiara charm. You carefully opened the locket and inside there was a tiny picture of the two of them that’d been taken at her birthday party on one side and on the other side it said ‘Daddy’s Princess’.

“She will love it.” You confirmed, “Almost as much as she already loves you.” You put the necklace back into the box and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down to kiss him. “You’re perfect, my love.”

“Far from perfect, but given a lifetime with you, I may get closer to it.” He replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning you were woken up to Ava bounding into your room and jumping onto the bed.

“SANTA CAME!” She exclaimed, “WAKE UP! WAKE UP! IT’S CHRISTMAS!”

“We’re awake, Princess.” Andy laughed, grabbing her and pulling her down between the two of you, tickling her. “Give us a minute and we’ll be right out to see what Santa left for you.”

“HURRY!” She ordered, laughing and running off into the common area.

“Guess that’s our wake up call.” You laughed, looking at the clock next to the bed. “At least she waited until 6:30. Last year she had me up at 5.”

“I have a feeling Jacob may have been keeping her contained for a bit.” Andy guessed.

“That would make more sense.” You agreed, “Let’s go before she comes back in.”

The two of you made your way out the other room. You stopped quickly to start coffee on your way.

“Ok, dig into the stockings” You said, “Everything else waits until Nana and Papa are over here.”

You all looked through your stockings, loving the variety of treats, and small gifts that filled each one. While you were all engaged in stockings your parents came over and joined you all.

“YAY!” Ava said happily, running over to hug her grandparents. “Nana and Papa are here so we can open ALL the presents!”

“To be young and have that much energy again.” Your dad laughed.

“You’re not wrong.” Andy agreed, “If we could bottle an ounce of her energy we could make millions.”

“I don’t know if I could even handle THAT much energy.” Your mom replied.

“Alright Monkey, we’ll do presents and then breakfast” You said.

Lots of paper and ribbons later, you were down to the last couple of gifts. Jacob handed you a package at the same time that Andy handed Ava the small box.

“This is for you Princess.” Andy said. He sat down next to hear while she tore the wrapping off and opened the box.

“It’s BEAUTIFUL!” She exclaimed, beaming at Andy. “Thank you so much!”

“Open it, Monkey.” You encouraged her, tears already filling your eyes. Knowing something big was about to happen, your mom had her cell phone out recording the moment.

Ava carefully opened up the locket and saw the picture of her and Andy from her party. She was still new with reading but was good at sounding things out, and could recognize words she was more familiar with, so you weren’t surprised when she was able to read the inside of the locket.

“Daddy’s Little Princess.” She read aloud, slowly and quietly. She paused for a moment, then looked up at Andy, then to you. You nodded to her encouragingly. “You… want to be my... Daddy?”

“I very much want to be your Daddy, Princess.” Andy said, his voice thick with  emotion, “If that’s OK with you?”

“YES!” She exclaimed, launching herself into his arms, her own winding around his neck tightly. “I love you, Daddy!”

“I love you too, Princess.” He replied, tears slipping down his cheeks. Your own were wet with tears, as well. Your heart was bursting with happiness. “Your mommy and I talked and she said that I could adopt you. That means officially you’ll be my daughter too, and as soon as Mommy and I are married, we can change both hers and your last name to Barber.”

“And Jacob will be my brother for REAL?” She asked happily.

“I’m already your brother for real Kiddo.” Jacob said coming over to hug her.

“Yes he is.” Andy confirmed.

“Bri, open yours next.” Jacob said.

You smiled, picking up the package again and carefully unwrapping it. You opened the box and moved the tissue paper aside. Nestled in the paper was a bracelet with several charms on it. You looked at the charms closely, tears once more springing to your eyes.  In the middle was a charm that said ‘Mom’, with the O being minnie mouse. On each side of that charm were birthstone charms. One for Ava and one for Jacob.

“Jacob…” you said, your voice horse from emotion, “this is so beautiful. Thank You!” You reach over and pull him into a hug.

“There’s more” he whispered as he hugged you back. He pulled away and you looked back down into the box. Tucked in with the bracelet was a folded up piece of paper. You took it out, carefully unfolding it. After the first few lines you read you realized what you were reading. Your head shot up and you caught Andy’s eye over Jacob’s head. He had tears still gathered in his eyes and he nodded slightly, letting you know he knew about the paper. You assumed Andy had been responsible for having the paper formally drafted, but it was a petition of adoption.

“Jacob…” You said, “If you’re sure this is what you want, I would be honored to adopt you and be your mom. I love you, Sweetheart.”

“I’m sure.” He said firmly, “I love you too. You’ve been more of a mom to me in the last 5 months than my biological mother was in 14 years. I know what a mom is supposed to be since I met you.”

You hugged him tightly, as though you could put all his pieces back together again in that one hug. You knew it would take time, but you swore you’d help to undo the damage that Laurie had done to him.

“I think this has been the best Christmas in a long time.” Your dad said, voice breaking with emotion.

“There’s only the best yet to come.” Andy said, sitting next to you and Jacob with Ava on his lap.

“Papa is right!” Ava declared, “I wished on my birthday candles that we’d be a real family, and then I asked Santa this year to make Andy my Daddy and Jacob my big brother!”

“It looks like the birthday Fairy and Santa delivered then huh, Monkey?” You said, beaming at your daughter.

“Yup!” She agreed. “I think next, I’ll wish for a baby brother or sister!” Everyone burst out laughing. You and Andy looked at each other over her head, you’re sure your eyes were as big as saucers. He just winked and smiled.

 @nickysurfer28​ @jamielea81​ @fluffymisha97​ @waywardodysseys​ @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss​

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Podcasting "Disneyland at a stroll"

This week on my podcast, I read parts four and five of my Medium series on “amusement parks, crowd control, and load-balancing” — “Expectations management” and “Disneyland at a stroll.”

https://craphound.com/news/2021/08/22/disneyland-at-a-stroll/

“Expectations management” runs down the techniques that Disney uses to move — and hold — crowds in the parks. This is an old conundrum (think of PT Barnum’s “This way to the egress” signs”) but Disney’s versions are a mix of sophistication and deceit.

https://doctorow.medium.com/expectations-management-part-v-2ad8183fd1ce

Disney queue spaces are reconfigurable, with out-of-sight spillover areas that can be opened or closed as needed, so that from outside the ride, the queue always seems to be long enough to signal something fun, but not so long as to seem like a penance to wait in.

And Disney uses subtle design cues, like adding or removing detail, to pull you through its built environments. The more detailed something is, the more you’re drawn to it.

(Tokyo Disney Sea, with its incredible, uniform, fetishistic, gorgeous detail, is actually kind of disorienting — I inevitably find myself following an intriguing side-path until it dead-ends in a service entrance.)

That’s in addition to tried-and-true midway techniques, like setting up tall, eye-catching “weenies” (like Space Mountain’s spires) that can be seen a long way off and that draw crowds to them.

But in addition to all this fascinating design thinking, Disney also does something quite blunt and a little bit off-putting: They lie about how long the lines are, deliberately padding wait-times as a means to discouraging people from entering parts of the parks.

This paternalistic tactic actually opens a space for a countermeasure. Apps like Touring Plans’ “Wait Times” display the actual wait times alongside the official ones, and you can get “bargains” — sliding into a line billed as 70 minutes, knowing you’ll get through in 17.

In Part VI, “Disneyland at a stroll,” I try to pull together all the threads from the series and talk about what Disney’s demand- and crowd-management techniques have done to the “structure of feeling” engendered by a day in the park.

https://doctorow.medium.com/disneyland-at-a-stroll-part-vi-62934f35aac1

The neoliberal age urges us to become self-Taylorizing time-and-motion tyrants of our own lives, to become entrepreneurial brands whose unproductive cars become Ubers, unproductive hobby rooms become Airbnbs, unproductive leisure is spent as a Mechnical Turk.

The texture of a day under these conditions is uniform: rush, rush, rush. Did back-to-back Zooms cost you the interstitial email-answering moments you used to get between meetings? Just work Saturdays!

We need a respite. Time away from work has been a labor demand since the Bronze Age prophets declared the Sabbath. Our grandparents demanded “eight hours for work, eight hours for sleep and “eight hours for what we will.”

Rather than offering a respite from this pace, Disney parks match and exceed it. The demand-management techniques Disney employs increasingly require you to script your day up to six months in advance, down to the minute.

“A day at Disney is more like a skydiving excursion than a day in the park. You should expect physical challenges, you’ll need to do a lot of prep work, it will be expensive, and there will be a high degree of regimentation.”

In the article, I argue that Disney’s high-intensity thrill rides, and our high-intensity lives, would benefit from texture, from a variety in pace and intensity — from a time to stroll as well as race from place to place.

I offer some examples of Disney attractions that managed this (the late, lamented Adventurer’s Club), and propose some ways that role-play and other kinds of play can be woven into a Disney day.

I discuss the idea of treating people “as sensors, rather than as things to be sensed” and imagine an app that is about Disney revealing its offerings to you, rather than insisting on, and then gathering, your plans.

https://locusmag.com/2015/09/cory-doctorow-what-if-people-were-sensors-not-things-to-be-sensed/

This was a fun podcast to record, not least because it’s the 400th (!) episode of my podcast, which I started at Mark Pesce’s urging in 2005.

https://archive.org/details/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_01

It was also great to get a chance to acknowledge and thank John Taylor Williams for his decade+ of editing, mastering and production. He’s the reason I’m still at it.

Here’s the MP3 for the podcast (hosting by the Internet Archive, they’ll host your audio for free, forever, too!):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_400/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_400_-_Disneyland_at_a_stroll.mp3

And here’s the RSS feed for the podcast:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

And here are links to all six Medium articles:

I. Are we having fun yet? https://gen.medium.com/b-are-we-having-fun-yet-part-i-4c7ef0ce9ee5

II. Boredom and its discontents: https://doctorow.medium.com/boredom-and-its-discontents-part-ii-95b10f8d6041

III. Now you’ve got two problems: https://doctorow.medium.com/now-youve-got-two-problems-part-iii-45e1328c5ae1

IV: Managing aggregate demand: https://doctorow.medium.com/managing-aggregate-demand-part-iv-8d2022a5125b

V. Expectations management: https://doctorow.medium.com/expectations-management-part-v-2ad8183fd1ce

VI: Disneyland at a stroll:

https://doctorow.medium.com/disneyland-at-a-stroll-part-vi-62934f35aac1

Image: Evan Wohrman https://www.flickr.com/photos/lyght55/51200454472/

CC BY-SA: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

[charincharge]

Cruel Summer, Part 2

cruel summer masterlist

AN: Thank you all so much for your thoughts and comments. I enjoy them immensely. I thought this was all going to be from Rowan’s POV, but... I was wrong. CW: Drinking, swearing.

The first Monday after Ashryver Playland opens is always Aelin’s favorite day of the summer. It’s a silly tradition her grandparents started, but it’s been a part of her life as long as she can remember. That very first Monday after the park’s first successful week, the Ashryver Galathinius clan opens up their summer home to the Playland’s staff and families for an all day pool party and barbeque.

Summer has always been Aelin’s favorite season. It means spending three months of pure bliss in her summer home, overlooking the waters of Terrasen from her bedroom balcony. And there’s something about Ashryver’s opening week barbeque that always manages to sets the tone for her summer. Summer doesn’t really begin until the barbeque begins. It’s always marks her first something.

When she was eleven, Aelin met her first real best friend, Dorian – one of the board member’s sons. She’d left the party to hide in the music room, trying to teach herself how to play her favorite Death Cab for Cutie song on the large grand piano, when he wandered in, singing on top of her stumbling melody line with a flawless unbroken tenor. He’d flashed her a giant smile and pushed his floppy dark curls out of his face and sat down on the bench next to her. They’d been best friends ever since. And the firsts only continued from there.

As Aelin finishes drawing a perfect cat eye with her liquid eyeliner she wonders what first awaits her this summer.  

“Aelin, ten minutes til guests.” Her mother, Evalin, walks past her open bedroom door and does a double-take. “Wowww, someone looks especially nice today,” her mom says with a playful gleam in her eye. “Might I ask who you’re dressing up for?” she asks, taking in Aelin’s white eyelet sundress and full face of makeup. “Because I know this certainly isn’t for Dorian. Wisely.”

“I heard that,” Dorian says, bounding up the last few steps and onto the second floor landing. He sees Aelin and grins that very same grin he gave her that first day he spotted her a decade ago and takes off running. Aelin squeals as Dorian hugs her from behind and swings her around, lifting her off her feet.

“Dor, put me down, I just finished doing my hair!” Aelin says, shrugging him off, but she returns his smile fondly, even as he flops down onto her perfectly made bed, making himself comfortable and kicking off his flip flops.

“You do look suspiciously nice, Ace. What’s with the dress and the hair? Aren’t you going to swim?” Dorian asks stretching his arms up and placing them under his head.

Aelin ignores him and goes back to finishing her makeup. She uncaps a crimson red lipstick and leans into the mirror to apply it when –

“You know if you’re actually looking to make out with someone tonight then red lips probably isn’t the right choice.”

Aelin slides her eye to the boy on her bed and then straightens up again, putting the red lipstick away. He does have a point. Dorian bolts upright, eyebrows raised.

“We’re making out with someone tonight? Who?” Dorian asks, poking Aelin’s thigh with one of his toes.

Aelin’s cheeks flush as she remembers the name of the staff member she so thoroughly stalked the other night. So thoroughly, in fact, that she’s actually embarrassed about it. But also, who has a public Facebook profile these days? Rowan Whitethorn, that’s who.

When Aelin realized all she had to do was ask her five year old nephew for the name of the man who rescued him, she was easily able to find the man on the RSVP list for the barbeque. And from there, she sat in front of her computer for hours, soaking in every last detail she could find. Grew up in Wendlyn, went to school at Mistward and majored in computer sciences and graduated four years ago. His interests include photography and fitness and baking (what man enjoys baking and posts pictures of it?).

Aelin is extremely curious as to how he ended up working at Playland. A man with that kind of degree doesn’t usually find himself ripping ticket stubs, but she’s not complaining about it. Aelin really enjoys looking at his face. And his arms. And his back. She’s anxious to talk to him today, which is annoying. Aelin is never anxious around men. She’s fun and flirty and confident, but one look at Rowan had her excess nerves dancing in circles and turning her into kind of a bitch. She’s hoping her second impression is a lot better. Hence, the dress. And the makeup.

“We’re making out with no one.” Aelin shoots a warning glance in Dorian’s direction as she puts on a light pink lip stain.

“You and Chaol didn’t get back together, did you?” Dorian asks, and Aelin cringes.

“Of course not.” She turns to Dorian as she puts on the final touch – her favorite gold hoop earrings. “You don’t think your best friend would have told you if we’d gotten back together?”

“I don’t know, that last break up nearly took us all out, so if we could not repeat that, that’d be great.” Dorian stares at her, willing her to fess up, but Aelin refuses to give him anything in return. It’s way too early to tell Dorian anything.

“All right, then,” he drawls in a silly British accent. “Keep your secrets.”

Aelin sticks out her tongue as her mom calls out from downstairs, “Kids! Party guests are here!”

“Twenty-four-years old, and we’re still fucking kids,” Dorian grumbles as the pair make their way down the grand front staircase. Aelin hops up onto the wooden banister and rides it all the way down to the bottom, shouting “Catch me!” to Dorian as he runs and chases her to the foyer.

Evalin scolds them, but there’s no real bite to it.  Aelin fixes her banister-swept hair and makes her way out to the front stairs where she and her parents will greet all the staff members and their families. Her parents are all about making the Playland employees feel welcomed, and they make a point to learn each and every one of their names. Plus, they’re a stickler for etiquette. Aelin can’t remember a time when she wasn’t on the front steps to welcome party guests as they arrived.

“I’ll meet you out back in… an hour-ish?” Aelin tells Dorian. “Steal me a bottle of pink champagne?”

Dorian bows at the waist. “Yes, your majesty.” He chuckles softly when she flips him off.

Aelin is the last to join her family. Her parents and her brother, for all intents and purposes, Aedion, already perched and ready to welcome the first wave of guests.

An hour later and Aelin’s jaw already hurts from smiling. She’s shaken so many hands and met so many people and made polite conversation with staff members from years past, but there’s still one face that hasn’t shown yet, and Aelin is having a hard time not showing her disappointment. He RSVPed yes, which means he should be here. Not showing up would be very rude. Right?

Aedion shakes out his hands and cracks his neck loudly. “Who’s ready for a drink?”

Aelin is reluctant to leave the front stairs. Leaving the front stairs means they’re finished greeting people at the party, which means that party guests have stopped arriving, and she’s not ready to admit that defeat. She gives one last wistful glance down the long empty driveway before giving in.

“Yeah, I could use a large drink,” Aelin yawns, leaning into her big brother’s shoulder.

“You’re not allowed to be tired,” he says with a laugh, squeezing her arm. “You are a sprightly youth and don’t have a ten-year-old and a five-year-old waking you up every morning at the crack of dawn to fight about watching Cars or Disney Fam Jam.”

Aelin looks up at him. “That’s not a real thing.”

“I assure you, it is.”

“This guy needs a drink,” Aelin says loudly as she and Aedion make their way out to the back patio where the party is really happening, and Aelin relaxes a tiny bit. So what if Rowan isn’t coming and she got all dressed up for nothing? She’ll look extra cute in pictures this year. She’s here with her family on the first real day of summer, and she’s determined to have a good day, regardless.

She takes in the scene around her – everyone seems to be having the best time. Caterers mill around the stone patio, holding out trays of grilled meats and veggies. At the far side of the patio is a long bar with an ample crowd around it. Champagne is being popped and spirits are being poured, and there’s endless bounds of chatter and laughter from all directions. In the middle of it all, the pool is filled with children and adults alike, playing games and doing handstands and lounging on floats.

The edge of the pool fades into the perfect view of the ocean. Aelin takes a deep breath as she watches the waves break against the shore. She listens to the gulls cawing overhead and inhales the salty sea breeze. Despite her small bout of disappointment, Aelin is happy.

Aedion’s two kids squeal for his attention from the pool.

“Dad! Auntie Ae!” Evie calls from the far end of the pool, her usual strawberry blonde ringlets sopping wet around her shoulders. “Watch me dive!”

Evie dives into the side of the pool, her dolphin arms in perfect form as she splashes into the water. She emerges with a giant smile on her freckled face.

“Good job!” Aedion beams. “Okay, drinks, now,” he whispers to Aelin, guiding her toward the bar.

“Where’s your wife?” Aelin asks, looking around for the green eyed brunette, who’s usually hovering around her children.

Aedion points ahead, and sure enough the woman in question stands at the front of the bar, looking insanely glamorous in a black one piece with a sheer leopard kaftan, taking shots of tequila with Aelin’s favorite returning staff member, Elide.

“Lysandra brought our babysitter with us today,” he says with a devious smile and snakes his way through the crowds to wrap his arm around his wife’s waist.

“Aelin, come do shots!” Elide pulls Aelin up to the bar, her outstretched hand helping her weave her way through the throngs of buzzed staff members. “We’re celebrating my promotion!”

“Ellie is officially manager level this summer.” Lysandra and Elide raise their newly filled shot glasses and hand one each to Aelin and Aedion respectively. Aelin hates tequila but loves Elide, so she clinks glasses and downs the alcohol quickly, grabbing a lime and sucking as much of the juice out of it as she can.

She shudders and Aedion punches her in the shoulder playfully. “Lightweight.”

Aelin rolls her eyes and reverts the topic back to Elide. “So, big shot manager. Does this mean you’re spending all your time with Lorcan now?” Aelin raises her eyebrows, knowing about Elide’s not so small crush on the stoic manager. “Long nights, just the two of you, arranging schedules in the soft romantic light of the Playland breakroom?”

Elide covers her face with her hand and screws her eyes shut. “Oh my god! No! No that is not what is happening at all.”

“Your mouth says no, but your blush says – ‘Yes, Lorcan, yes!’” Aelin teases, poking at Elide’s rosy cheeks. Elide slaps Aelin’s hands away.

“I just had three tequila shots, of course my cheeks are red.” Elide’s hands go to her cheeks, covering them as much as she can, trying to will away the warm flush creeping over her face. “You’re a monster, Aelin. That’s not what’s going on with Lorcan,” she hisses.

“What’s going on with me?” Lorcan asks, approaching from out of nowhere with a beer in his hand, and if possible Elide’s blush grows even deeper.

“Nothing!” Elide shouts, exasperated. “I’ll be right back. Be good, Aelin.” She throws Aelin a warning glare as she stalks off, and Lysandra and Aedion bite back their laughter as a bewildered Lorcan muses out loud—

“Did I say something?”

“No,” Aelin says, turning all her attention to Lorcan. “Elide was just saying how excited she is to work as a manager with you.”

Lorcan’s face lights up as he takes a sip of his beer. “Yeah, she’s been a huge help so far. Especially with such a new staff this year.”

“Yeah… a lot of newbies this year.” Aelin pauses, wondering if she should probe Lorcan about Rowan. It wouldn’t do any harm, right? “Anyone giving you any trouble?”

“Nah,” Lorcan shakes his head and pushes a long piece of hair behind his hair. “But you know me. I like them to think they’re all giving me trouble, so they act accordingly.” He snorts, amused with his own management technique. “There’s one new guy who is so jumpy around me. I love it.”

“You’re evil,” Aelin laughs.

“I prefer diabolical,” Lorcan replies. “Ah, and it looks like he just arrived,” Lorcan continues with a grin. “Want me to introduce you, so you can see it up close?”

Lorcan points in the direction of the sliding doors that lead out to the patio, and there, in all his tall blonde and board-shorted glory stands Rowan. Finally. But Aelin’s heart drops. Because Rowan isn’t alone. He’s arrived with a girl.

~*~*~*~*~

let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters 

tag list:

@http-itsrebecca​

@queen-of-glass​

@but-she-was-aelin-galathynius​

@westofmoon​

@rowaelinforeverworld​

@iliketoasterstrudels​

@bamchickawowow​

@hizqueen4life​

@faerie-queen-fireheart​

@giorgia-the-trashpanda​

[kuromichad]

man sometimes you realize youve spent days on end doing mindless non-tasks while idly thinking about how everything is bad and nothing ever gets better and youre not excited by anything or hopeful for anything and kinda dont like it when other people express any kind of wonderment or ‘excessive’ optimism because it makes you flinch and etc etc etc and then finally it clicks like... oh bro you have depression huh... i feel like every month or two i rediscover the concept of depression because i forget there are more types than like ‘letting a plain tortilla fall out of your mouth’ or ‘crying frequently’. even though i think the irritable cynical type is what i have the most often.

ive been very hostile to any kind of like sympathy in the form of ‘2020-onward has been hard for literally everyone’ or like ‘youve been dealing with a lot’ because im like. that cant be true because i’m lucky that no one in even my extended family has gotten covid and my parents and grandparents i leech off of are already retired/work from home and like. between stimulus and cares act stuff ive had more money in the past year than in like my whole life. and even though it’s been difficult due to Phone Calls and dealing with incompetent people i did get to start hrt. so really i’m very spoiled and i guess (clearly) i resent myself for that. 

but all of this still um. sucks? like to just. every single day have to hear bad news and then see 300 slightly different posts in reaction to the bad news that just really drive in how bad everything is. you get like ten minutes to laugh about ‘reddit steals money from wall street via gamestop’ before then having to see people repeat over and over how doomed and miserable it is that ‘the government is letting people die but will rush to help the stock market’ and its like i know. i know. i know. the worst possible thing is always what’s going to happen and there’s no levity in the world without a bitter aftertaste. it’s great. i’m used to feeling this way about my own life but it really is hard to have it driven in so incessantly and deeply regarding just, the whole universe, for almost a year, with no end in sight. everything is bad every single thing has a rotten core. 

i feel unbelievably fucking stupid for it but i feel like probably the hardest thing for me, like the most insidiously damaging, in the past year has been like. ok so. we all know i’m a cringe ass nae nae Disney Adult. i have no desire to like, actively behave like one, but i know in >current year to like any disney anything at all in public past age ten is considered like peak braindead behavior. and i understand Why and it’s not like i disagree that Disney Is Bad. but for me disney parks have always been a bit different, a bit removed from whatever bad movie or shitty corporate move, there’s a more genuine spirit there right, whatever, youve seen me go on about this before. but this year its very very clear theyre uh. behaving evilly with the parks now too. i’m exposed to constant discourse about this because of having a Disney Family who likes to watch Disney Vloggers constantly (yes yes i know youre sending missiles to my house ouuhhh the cringe oh it burns i deserve this oooh) and having to hear these people whine nonstop about why doesnt disneyland reopen wah wah, and reading about the massive cast layoffs, and just. yknow. disney acting how everyone who wasnt stupid like me expected them to act. it’s made it impossible to engage with the whole concept of theme parks which was obviously a major interest for me, probably (pathetically) pretty much the only ‘non-fandom’ interest i have, one of the few arenas i could actually picture myself Having A Job in and actually being happy, basically the only thing ive ever like cornily waxed poetic about in posts the way other people on here rhapsodize about the moon or gay kissing or the found family trope or whatever, Ugh Cringe. 

and i just cant have that anymore. i cant bear to think about my, like, Special Interest anymore, because everything on earth comes back to how theres money involved and everything about how we deal with money is evil and people are always suffering and corporations are always ruining everything and nothing ever ever ever ever gets better nothing will ever be okay. and having that in the back of your mind nonstop, with constant external affirmation, is like. not good for you. like i think maybe... guys... im maybe allowed to be depressed. even if i dont like, know anyone whos died. (my paternal grandma did die last spring but it wasn’t covid.) This is a great revelation to arrive at. i don’t know what to do with it now though. like it does feel good to be able to blame something like it’s external, like ohh okay i feel bad this week (the past two months) (the past year) (my whole life) Because Of Depression, but it doesn’t... solve it. it’s not preventing next week from being differently bad in a way that it’ll take me a while to recognize yet again. but like at least im not suicidal like 2018 <3 im just. frustrated and sad.

i also kinda dont know why i’m posting about this. i guess i don’t really talk on here anymore but i also feel like i’ve been exhausting my friends lately with my bad moods and in particular, my need to Talk About everything. (theoretically i know that being a person who copes by venting/needs to talk through their feelings is like, a value neutral thing, people are just different from each other. but since a percentage lower than 100 of my friends are not the same way i decide oh okay this is evil and revolting.) so im just kinda. getting it out. here’s how im doing, how about you,

[selkiestudies]

2 Aug 2020

Prepping for Isaias coming through tomorrow with a last check on my crabs. Also, found a cool summer study challenge by @myhoneststudyblr​ and think it could be something fun to try! I’m a bit behind since it started in July, so I’ll just do a broad one for all of July and then maybe so once a week :)

13th July: What are your plans for this summer?

I’m doing research all summer on a grant looking at parasitic barnacles!

14th July: Have your plans changed at all because of the pandemic?

Sort of, mostly timings were delayed until the start of July as opposed to the end of May. I was supposed to go to Disney World for my sister’s graduation but that’s been postponed :(

15th July: Do you have a specific goal for this summer?

Catch up on my New Year’s Resolutions and organize my creative projects.

16th July: Do you have a lot of work to do for school or university or your job this summer?

I’ve started research this summer so that’s been taking up most of my time.

17th July: What is the most important task that you need to complete this summer?

Move into my new apartment.

18th July: What do you usually do during the summer?

It’s changed a lot since I started college. In high school I had a summer theater camp I went to, but now I just do odd jobs and do a lot of reading.

19th July: What did you do during the summer when you were a young child?

I used to do swim team and go to a week long overnight camp!

20th July: Do you usually go on vacation during the summer?

Yes! We usually go to the beach with my mom and my dad takes us to New York or Atlanta.

21st July: What is the best vacation you have ever been on?

I went to California to visit my grandparents and we spent a lot of time in Monterey and at national parks! It was beautiful and full of good food!

22nd July: What is your dream vacation?

Going on a road trip somewhere and exploring new places with a couple friends for a week.

23rd July: What is the worst vacation you have ever been on?

I don’t think I have a worst vacation. All of the ones in my memory have been fun in their own ways.

24th July: What is your favorite vacation memory?

Surprising my older sister with a trip to Disney World for her graduation when she thought we were just going to the beach!

25th July: What was/is your favorite event/day in the summer? Are you a summer person or do you prefer it when it is colder?

I really like the beginning of August because that’s usually when we were at the beach. I love summer weather, but I tend to get a bit bored if I don’t have some structure during the day.

26th July: What is your typical daily routine in the summer?

Wake up at 6, shower, dress, eat breakfast, then head to the lab for the day and check on my crabs. My friend and I will eat lunch outside by the cove. Then I head home and relax until dinner. I attempt to sleep by 11 but that doesn’t always work.

27th July: Do you stay indoors or outdoors more in the summer?

Outdoors if I’m by the ocean but indoors usually. Me and bugs don’t get along.

28th July: How do you stay motivated to study during the summer?

I’m usually bored out of my mind so having something to do, even studying, is a wonderful relief.

29th July: Have you done or are you planning to do any activities other than normal work during the summer?

I’ve taken a few beach days and had some movie nights, but mostly it’s just research grind.

30th July: Beach or swimming pool?

Beach!

31st July: What do you like most about the beach?

I like sitting in the water and just swimming or boarding for hours.

Oof that ended up being long but it was fun!

-H

[dingletragedy]

multiples of 5 xx

oh u little shit x

5. something you enjoyed about lockdown?

ok probably a little crazy if an answer buuut being at work. despite it being the toughest time ever, i will always treasure it. getting to work with children i never had before, facing new challenges, and probably, most importantly, having that little bit of normality for 7 hours a day!

10. favourite lockdown activity?

drunk zoom calls and quizzes for friends birthdays etc!

20. have you been able to go on holiday this year?

yes i have! and i know how lucky i am to have done so. in february, when covid was just something we heard about once a week on the news, me and my brother went to alicante in spain. i now treasure that holiday so soooo much!!!

25. favourite online shop?

i’m not a massive fan of online shopping and never have been, but this year i’ve brought a lot from deciem for skincare and Etsy for lots of wall prints etc!

30. what did you only start to appreciate because lockdown took it from you?

oh god, so much!!!! but mostly travel, i think? despite us living all over the country, i used to see my uni friends all the time. we’d randomly hop on trains and have days out and always meet up in sheffield again. but not it’s so difficult to even say each other in a park for the day etc. never take it for granted again.

ALSO gigs!!!!! football!!!!! oh my GOD i will never complain about watching derby v barnsley on a cold wednesday night again.

35. favourite series that was released this year?

normal people for SURE

40. favourite album that was released this year?

zero’s- declan mckenna

45. what did you do to prevent yourself from from going insane during lockdown?

i went insane :) jokes teaching myself sign language / makaton - especially in the form of harry styles songs

50. did you buy Disney+?

no i did not

55. books or audio books?

books, definitely!!!

60. most used social media this year?

tumblr, obviously

65. did you panic buy anything?

no lol i didn’t get the the shops in time

70. any weird coping techniques you developed during lockdown?

yes .... harry styles

75. favourite memory of the year?

oh god so many? securing myself a permanent job, weekend in liverpool with my best mate, hiking with a friend, christmas day, spending weeks with my little brothers, a lovely meal with my grandparents ...

80. did you get into a new relationship this year?

definitely not

85. did you drastically change your diet this year?

i’m recovering from an eating disorder my diet drastically changed every week lmao

90. been abroad this year?

yes back in feb when life was sweet :(

95. how are you going to spend NYE?

probably getting drunk on zoom

100. was this ask meme better or worse than 2020?

better x 100 tbh

[loserholland]

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝

𝟎𝟎𝟑 ➺ 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡

Pairing ➺ Teacher!Tom Holland x Single mom!Reader

Warning ➺  None, just fluff and a special something at the end (;

Word Count ➺  2,078

Summary ➺  What happens when your five year old tries to set you up with her kindergarten teacher?

A/N ➺ I’ve been quite good at updating, at least I think so? Also this first date, is my ideal type of date a trip to disneyland? oh yes! I’ll also be working on getting request done staring tomorrow!

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand​, @taronxfiction, @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine, @spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou​ @babebenhardy​ @rivervixenbaby​ @acklesholland​ @zabdisamor​ @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker @jackiehollanderr @iloveyou3000morgan

❤ 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ❤ @luvborhap @asianravenpuff @agusdoti @meg-holland @silverreading @agirlwithpointlessideas

☞  Masterlist  ☜

“If I dunk you can you and my mommy go on date?

Audrey (Y/L/N), she’s too smart for her own being. The moment she dunked Tom, she was screaming and jumping around with such glee. It would be wrong of (Y/N) to say she thought her daughter would miss. I mean come on she did say and I quote “I never miss.” she did own up to her word.

Now (Y/N) had picked out several different outfits, laying them all out on the bed and was not satisfied with none of her choices. She had just seen Tom earlier today when she went to pick Audrey up from school, he had told her he’d pick her up at 5 and asked if she had an annual pass. 

To her judgement, when he asked if she had annual pass that meant they’d be going to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth. That also meant to dress casual and wear comfortable shoes. She had settled on distressed denim jeans, and a white shirt with a silhouette of the one and only Mickey Mouse. (Y/N) headed back into her closet to pick out her old skool vans and grabbed a pair of socks, she had about five minutes to spare. 

She had curled her hair and applied light makeup, then picked out a pair of Minnie ears. It was Disneyland, you had to wear a pair of Minnie ears! Audrey was already at her grandparent’s house for the night and (Y/N) would end up picking her up tomorrow. 

All Audrey said before she left was, “Have fun! I hope you have a magical kiss while watching the fireworks!” Audrey just seemed to surprise her more and more everyday. 

Just then the sound of the doorbell echoed through the foyer, (Y/N) threw in her purse and keys along with her wallet along with visine to keep her contacts moistens. Finally, a pack of gum because maybe on of Audrey’s other wishes may come true.

Tom held the bouquet of sunflowers and roses close to his chest rocking back and forth on his heels tugging at the neck of his red hoodie, looking down at his outfit one last time. He wore black shorts, a red hoodie and a pair of white vans with red and blue detailing. He felt beyond nervous, he was about to go on a date with a beautiful woman who was way out of his league. 

He heard light footsteps heading towards the door which quickly opened to reveal (Y/N), she looked as beautiful as always which left him lost for words. His breath hitched in his throat, from (Y/N) perspective she couldn’t tell if he had just saw a ghost or there was something on her face.

“I-Is something wrong?” Tom’s eyes widened as he quickly began to shake his head cursing at himself for not saying anything the moment she opened the door.

“No! No, nothing’s wrong. It’s just you look beautiful, and these are for you.” Tom handed the bouquet which (Y/N) gladly accepted smiling at the beautiful arrangements, Audrey must have told him.

“I’m guessing Audrey told you to get me flowers? Come in for now while I put them in a vase.” (Y/N) headed towards the kitchen as Tom followed closely behind shutting the front door.

“Uh, no actually I asked her what type of flowers do you like and she told me.” Tom began to look around the living room, looking over the pictures that filled the room being careful not to step on any toys that was scattered on the carpet. 

(Y/N) smiled, he had decided to get her flowers himself, Audrey didn’t put him up to it. She walked back into the living room to grab her purse as she noticed Tom looking at the family pictures, groaning to herself for not cleaning up Audrey’s scattered toys. 

“So sorry for the mess.” (Y/N) apologized which scared Tom lightly, he didn’t even hear her enter the room. He shrugged lightly not minding the scattered toys “It’s fine, now shall we go?” she nodded in agreement following Tom to the door. 

This is gonna be fun.

- 

Once they got through security and stood in the busy lines to actually get into the park they had decided to grab a bite to eat before going on any rides. The lights of Main street illuminated the not so long pathway to the castle, (Y/N) was one of the biggest Disney fan’s out there who loved to read about facts and learn about the history of Disney.

“Wanna know a disney fact?” (Y/N) questioned as she lightly bumped shoulder’s with Tom steering closer to him in attempt to avoid being pushed from the crowd walking in the opposite directions as them.

She pointed at a vent that was right below the window of one of Main street’s candy shops, “They call it the smellitizer, it’s like a big fan blowing out the scent of vanilla. Which is why Main street always smells so sweet.” 

They had arrived at the little red wagon, Tom had gone to order while (Y/N) went to find seats. She waved Tom down watching as he searched to see where she had gone to sit, he placed her corndog and drink in front of her “Thank you.” Tom hummed in response wasting no time to bite into his corndog. 

The many times she had seen Tom, he wore glasses yet today he wasn’t using them. Maybe he was using contacts instead. 

“You’re not wearing your glasses today, are you using contacts?” (Y/N) questioned before biting into the hotdog moaning, this had to be one of her favorite meals to get whenever she was in the park. 

“I actually don’t need glasses.. it’s more of a fashion statement.” Tom answered in a monotone voice as he continued to eat his corndog, (Y/N) gasped lightly at his response leaning forward to push at his shoulder lightly.

“Wish I could use glasses as a fashion statement, I actually need my glasses, well contacts. You Thomas I don’t know your middle name Holland, are lucky to only use glasses as a fashion statement.”

Tom smiled “It’s Stanley.” (Y/N) pinched her brows in confusion unsure on why he just said Stanley. 

“Thomas Stanley Holland, Stanley is my middle name.” 

(Y/N) took a long sip from her drink before responding, “Nice to meet you Thomas Stanley Holland, I’m (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N), and I think we should head over to space mountain.” 

- 

On their way to tomorrowland everyone seemed to be waiting for a parade, which mean traffic was insane. (Y/N) tried to keep up with Tom but she felt like she’d loose him so easily in the crowd, she reached forward to hold his hand.  The two didn’t say anything, their hearts were pounding like crazy though. (Y/N) hid her face behind his shoulder, hopefully he didn’t see her red tinted cheeks. 

This was the only downside to disneyland, the crowds. It was always so busy there was never a day when the park wasn’t busy. 

Once they got in line to space mountain Tom had made (Y/N) wait in front of him, he gave squeezed her hand gently causing (Y/N) to look up at him.

“Are you okay darling? Did anyone bump into you?” She felt her knees turn into jello, oh that nickname darling. That had a nice ring to it, especially the way it just rolled off his tongue so effortlessly! He was just so beautiful in general and, why is it only now she’s noticing he has freckles? COULD HE GET EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL?

“Darling?” Tom questioned again causing (Y/N) train of thought to calm to a fast halt.

“O-oh yeah, I’m okay no one bumped into me.”

“Just stay close to me, we’ll go on whatever ride you want to go on then watch the fireworks. Audrey said it’s the perfect way to end the night.”

-

Once they got off of space mountain (Y/N) ushered Tom to hurry so they could find their picture, she scanned the screen and finally found the photo. Most of the ride Tom was screaming, “WHY IS IT SO DARK? TURN THE LIGHTS ON!” while (Y/N) was smiling he was resting his head on her shoulder with his eyes squeezed shut.

(Y/N) took a few pictures before glancing at Tom who was clearly unimpressed with the photo, “Oh c’mon Tom! It’s funny!” he rolled his eyes playfully before taking her hand back into his.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s just get on the next ride.” 

“Astro-Blaster’s! Top score chooses the next ride.” 

“Deal.” 

-

Haunted Mansion. 

Though this ride was just a sit through ride no big deal yada yada, this ride scared the daylights out of (Y/N). For some odd reason Audrey loved this ride but (Y/N) could’t sit through it, it was scary. Of course Tom had to pick this ride.

Once they were loaded onto the doom buggy (Y/N) kept herself closer to Tom shutting her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder, not even five minutes into the ride Tom had scared her twice. 

“Tom!” she whispered-yelled whacking his shoulder lightly, “you’re an adult (Y/N), you shouldn’t be scared” she thought to herself keeping one eye closed and the other open. 

As they neared the end of the ride Tom leaned down and whispered “Boo.” causing (Y/N) to scream loudly “Tom you ass! I’m picking the next ride.” Tom chuckled loudly at her reaction watching as she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted like a child who didn’t get what they wanted. 

“I-I’m sorry darling, I promise no more scares.”

(Y/N) huffed lightly looking away from Tom as they began to approach the unloading area, “(Y/N), darling I’m sorry I promise no more scares.” he held up his pinky in which (Y/N) wrapped her’s around his “You may lead the way to the next ride, then we’ll watch the fireworks.”

-

Of course she chose their last ride to be a water ride, and of course she wore a white shirt that if soaked would become quite transparent. (Y/N) didn’t even notice her shirt was practically soaked, she was too busy laughing at throughout the end of the ride. Once they had exited the building Tom couldn’t help but notice her black laced bra. 

"(Y/N), yo-you’re shirt.” the moment she looked down to see her bra was quite exposed she wrapped her arms around her chest as she watched Tom remove his hoodie and handed it to her.

(Y/N) quickly slipped into the hoodie taking in the smell of mint, “T-thank you.” she mumbled as Tom nodded taking his hand back into her’s. She couldn’t help but notice how fit he was, how big and muscular his biceps were “stop it! stop it with these thoughts!” (Y/N) mentally scolded herself.

Once they got to the front of the castle the fireworks had begun, (Y/N) stood next to Tom looking up at the sky as many colors filled the sky. The echo from the fireworks were so loud and help mute the rest of the world, Tom stared in awe as he watched (Y/N) smile while the reflection of the fireworks danced behind her eyes.

He actually enjoyed their date today, and really hoped they’d have many many more. Hopefully, the next time they come to disneyland they could bring Audrey with them. He wouldn’t mind.

“I hope you have a magical kiss under the fireworks.” replayed over and over again in (Y/N), this was the moment. In this moment now they could kiss. She thought that she wouldn’t enjoy the date, that she’d be doing it because Audrey wanted her to.

 But this was the most fun she’s had in a while especially since it’s been almost seven years since she’s been on a date. 

“Do it.” Tom thought as he tried to figure out how he take this special moment to kiss (Y/N). He turned his body to face her, “(Y/N)” he whispered causing her to look up at him with a smile.

Now’s your chance take it.

Tom placed his hand on her cheek, brushing the pad of his thumb across her cheekbone before slowly leaning down and capturing her lips. How much more magical could this get? Kissing while not only fireworks sparked through their veins but as fireworks bursted in the background, that was truly magical.

Audrey’s wish came true, her mother had a magical kiss under the fireworks. 

[admutual]

any hayley or steve childhood headcanons hell add stan if thats ok!!

oo !!

hayley ones:

hayley was always bringing weird animals inside and trying to convince stan and francine to let her keep them. multiple instances of her running inside, covered in dirt, and holding a garter snake begging ‘please please can we keep her??’ while steve screams in terror.

that hc i mentioned of francine always standing up for the other kids ,, hayley inherited that trait. my god she was The Most protective kid during her school years, she absolutely refused to let anyone get walked over when she knew they didn’t deserve it.

hayley was a wolf girl growing up,, change my mind. and black wolves were always her fave.

hayley definitely read animorphs growing up. those books shaped her and her fave character was cassie,,, also once she got more comfortable with living with roger she bullied him for not looking as cool as an andalite or a hork-bajir.

hayley went through an emo phase during her middle and high school years. she tried really hard to get an emo fringe, she was always blasting mcr and the used and three days grace, and her first job was at a hot topic.

hayley and stan were obviously tight-knit buds back in the day. like ,, she’d set up tea parties for them in the backyard, going out to movies was almost a weekly activity for the two of them, they were always planning picnics together,, they were really close. also every time they went to familyland together, hayley was always trying to drag him along with her to the more Extreme rides. francine kept telling her she’d go since she knew stan wasn’t the biggest fan of those rides like she was, but hayley kept insisting and it’d always end with stan near traumatized. big cia man goes on scary missions daily but he can’t handle a little roller coaster.

hayley’s hair was . pretty often a Mess when she was young. it was staticky, always sticking up at some angle, she often got too excited that she never took the time to comb out her hair in the mornings. plus it’s always been a habit of hers to play with her hair whenever she gets too excited or nervous, so even if she got it all straightened out it’d still turn into a mess by the end of the day.

hayley was always covered in scrapes and bruises. there was never a day where she didn’t have a bandaid somewhere.

she was a really tall kid during elementary school. she was almost always the tallest kid in her class. around high school everyone outgrew her though and now she’s . really short compared to most people her age, but yeah when she was little . Tall Girl (2019).

hayley skateboarded in middle school, and she was really damn good at it. she got in loads of trouble for skateboarding on school property and she thought she was the coolest kid for doing it.

stan and francine tried really hard not to curse around hayley when she was little (once steve came around they gave up trying), but occasionally something would slip out and hayley would always parrot it. stan looking at a bill and muttering ‘shit’ and then in the living room hearing what is obviously a toddler screaming ‘SHIT’

hayley, like steve, was always kinda lonely during her school years. steve eventually found friends in snot, barry, toshi, and roger too once he moved in, but hayley never really learned proper social skills as she was often pushed away for being the loud rowdy ‘annoying’ kid, and they always viewed her attempts to try to get close to others as too ‘desperate’. she has found friends in her adulthood, but yeah during her childhood she mostly just stuck around her family.

hayley was That Kid who would always use those fake clip-on earrings you’d get from claires, as well as cutting up the spiral from her notebook to use as a fake lip piercing, and she’d spend all day trying to convince her classmates ‘yeah no it’s real’

hayley liked stealing her dad’s camera and using it to film fake vlogs. they have multiple reels that go from cute family videos, to hayley making lps vids and fake cooking tutorials.

hayley drew a lot growing up and francine still has dozens of her drawings magneted to the fridge. hayley’s always cringing and asking her to take them down, but tbh francine’s never going to.

hayley’s always loved being outside at night. occasionally she’d sneak steve out with her to play in the backyard and it’d always lead to them in the treehouse, and stan catching them because they kept shining their flashlight against their bedroom window.

steve ones:

steve’s definitely adhd, autistic, and dyslexic. (the latter’s literally canon, and the two former ones are hcs that to me feel so obvious that i’m always a little hesitant calling it a hc). i really like imagining his parents being really patient with him in this area, even stan learned to be more composed and gentle with him when it came to this, and the two of them helping him find ways to cope. francine especially enjoyed nights helping him read.

steve’s interest in birds has been with him for pretty much his entire life, i like to imagine it’s always been his biggest special interest. also i’ve noticed there’s random scenes where stan’s displayed a bit of an interest or at least an appreciation of birds, so i kinda like to imagine stan used to take steve to the park for birdwatching trips when he was young before steve started going with roger. sometimes francine and hayley would tag along, but mostly it was just stan taking steve out and listening to him ramble about all the birds he’s spotting,, every time steve had a bad day stan’s immediate solution was to take him to the park.

when roger first moved in, he and steve were inseparable. steve was obsessed with learning everything about him and his species and his home planet, while roger saw steve as the one safe person to be around (francine, hayley, and klaus were still anxious towards him while stan was too strict and controlling for him). for a good few months until he started bonding with the rest of the fam roger would get really mopey whenever steve would go to school or leave to hang with his other friends, and the second steve walked through that door roger would excitedly hug him and try to lead him off to go do something together.

@a-d-lesbian got me into the hc that steve’s a theater kid and like ,, i’m always thinking about steve getting a tiny little background role in a 6th grade christmas show that they were required to do as a class, and he just loses his mind. he convinces stan and francine to let him invite the grandparents, he has francine film every scene he’s in where he just . Stands There. and then after the show when they get home he makes them all rewatch them all because he’s really damn proud of himself.

steve’s fave books growing up were always xenofiction. stuff like warrior cats and guardians of ga’hoole and redwall. he loved that shit. like i’m just imagining him trying to get his friends to larp warrior cats but none of them read it so they don’t know what he wants them to do, and he keeps assigning them warrior cat sonas and calling them by warrior cat names at school,, and he keeps calling god ‘starclan’ (which makes stan. Mad). am i projecting? that’s a secret, i’ll never tell.

steve was absolutely the Anime Kid in middle school. the amount of times he got yelled at for naruto running in the hallways was far too much. and his faves were fruits basket, nichijou, and k-on.

i’m so obviously projecting with my steve hcs here but i’m not gonna stop and i’m gonna say steve’s a trans guy. i know it makes no sense in canon, but canon’s dead it’s mine now. anyways he’s known since around the time he started middle school, and stan and francine love him and support him and i don’t have much else to say without getting Too Projecting, but yeah steve’s trans.

steve was pretty socially anxious growing up. he did get better as he grew older obv, but when he was little he was A Mess in school.

steve loved making flower crowns when he was little. he learned how to in his 2nd grade art class and just obsessed over it for a good few years and he was always making them for the fam. francine, stan, and hayley didn’t mind, they thought it was cute. i can see hayley learning to make them too and the two of them exchanging crowns,, and francine probably learned how to make some too during her college years and steve would always get really excited whenever she tried making some with him. poor roger though, once he moved in, steve took him as his new model and roger was forced to suffer through sitting in the hot sun while steve covered him in flowers.

steve never stopped singing. oh my god, stan loves him but he eventually reached a point where he started hiding their disney movies because steve would always loudly sing along and he just wanted some peace and quiet to work.

i like to imagine klaus has a sibling-esque relationship with pretty much the entire fam, but especially with steve. he was always pretty protective of him despite not really being able to do anything if he got hurt, and klaus was always there to talk to whenever steve needed it.

steve’s always liked to help francine bake. originally it was just so he could claim the mixer of batter before hayley could, but he quickly got really invested and he still loves helping out.

and in general for the both of them:

steve was the type of kid who bonked his head against the table a little and would spend the rest of the night crying while francine comforted him,, while hayley was the type of kid who could fly down the stairs and leave an actual dent in the wall and she’d still jump up assuring everyone ‘i’m okay!!’

hayley and steve used to play pokemon together growing up. hayley was more casually into it while steve was more obsessed (i like to imagine it was a special interest of his growing up). nowadays hayley doesn’t play it too often, but every now and then some big news will happen like new starters getting revealed, and steve will show her and hayley still can’t help but get at least a bit excited each time.

francine tried to do cute little family halloween costumes a few years. the idea of them doing an addams family group costume is precious.

francine always took them out for christmas photos every year. just dozens of photos of the four of them in the tackiest sweaters. they don’t do it as often anymore (or at least they don’t take as many photos outside of a few while they’re setting up the tree) but they still have framed photos of them that they set on the fireplace mantle every year.

listen …….. there were definitely multiple instances when they were really little of stan coming home from work ,, and steve and hayley excitedly tackling him,,,, and stan dramatically acting like he’s being attacked and losing ,,,

despite roger being a Dick, he was super protective of the two of them back in the day. either of them come home from school with a bruise, and roger’s already planning out an elaborate revenge scheme.

as for stan ,,

i’m adopting @stancine’s hc to say he was definitely a country boy. i kinda like to imagine his uncle on his mother’s side lived on a farm, and stan was really close to him growing up and it just sorta became monthly to take weekend trips to see him.

stan loved horses. he was definitely a Horse Kid, and his fave breeds are clydesdales and friesians.

sheep too!! one of his favorite yearly activities is during the springtime when his uncle helps him out with shearing the sheep.

also stan loved camping. he loved going out on walks through the woods and he especially loved fishing, but the second the sun went down he cowered in the back of the tent next to his mom because he was terrified of the noises coming from outside.

stan was a really quiet kid growing up. he sucked at properly standing up for himself, that’s kinda the reason he’s so harsh on steve for accepting mistreatment because he knows how hard it is and he doesn’t want his son to go through the same shit he did.

mother’s day was always one of his favorite holidays. he’d be obsessed with planning the whole day around trying to make it perfect for betty. making her breakfast in bed and saving up his allowance to buy her a gift, and he’d always make elaborate art projects for her every year.

stan . tried to learn how to ride a motorcycle in high school. it was this random obsession he got for no reason where he just really wanted one, but he always panicked whenever he got the chance to try one out. never even got his permit because he was so scared.

stan had a lot of pent-up anger as a kid that he never even recognized as anger until he got older. because of that he often broke his toys on accident because something wasn’t working correctly, and sometimes he’d snap at teachers on accident. obv he still had a problem with it but at least now he knows what’s going on and can at least try to work on dealing with it.

betty used to read to stan at night when he was really young. they didn’t have many books around so it was just stan listening to her read the same four dr. seuss books over and over. he didn’t mind though.

stan’s always loved writing and a good chunk of his free time was writing little short stories. he took a creative writing class in high school and he almost immediately became the teacher’s pet.

stan was a pretty lonely socially inept kid and i like to think growing up he tried getting a lot of his ‘advice’ on how to interact with others through television. one time he tried to get a girl’s attention by doing the ‘throwing pebbles at their window’ trope, but he fucked up and got too big a stone and threw it too hard, and just shattered this poor girl’s window. and stan spent the rest of the night crying in his room before caving and turning himself in.

i can see him being really into superheroes when he was younger. just him bounding around the house with a blanket for a cape, acting out random scenes he read out of the latest issue he bought.

stan was obv a dog kid. he’d often find himself going to the adoption shelter near his house just to see the dogs there whenever he was feeling down. and his fave breeds were golden retrievers, pit bulls, and shelties.

god i have tons more for all of them but i’m gonna stop because this is already long enough as it is.

[whereisten]

Hero, Yuta, & Me

Summary: Your pet sitting job lands you at the doorstep of the magnetic Yuta Nakamoto, owner of the cutest Shiba Inu on the planet, Hero. 

Multi-part series: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Part 1

Word Count: 2,021 words

You were getting ready for the day, brushing your hair in front on your vanity. Your mom was visiting your grandparents down south while your dad and younger brothers were at Disney World. Those lucky bastards. You regretted not going with them but you were saving up for a Korean pop convention that was coming up in the summer. And you just landed a pretty sweet gig with your pet sitting job, Read It and Woof.

The owner, Yuta Nakamoto, lived in Miami Beach in a nice townhouse. He was the owner of a Shiba Inu named Hero. You were psyched because you had never seen a Shiba in the flesh. Mr. Nakamoto was going on a business trip so he needed someone to spend the weekend at his place, looking after Hero.

You parked in Mr. Nakamoto’s driveway, seeing his black Dodge Challenger’s trunk popped open. The front door was slightly ajar. You grabbed your bag out of the backseat and shut the door.

You heard a bark and whipped around to see a black and tan Shiba Inu sitting before you and you nearly crumble.

“Hi!” You greet the pup. “You must be Hero.”

Hero got up and started sniffing at your sneakers. All the while his tail was wagging. You laughed.

“Y/N.”

You looked back up to see the most beautiful boy you’d ever laid eyes on and nearly roll your eyes at the cliche that just popped into your head. He was a stunner. He was a legend. He was a god. Mr. Nakamoto was dressed in business professional attire of a finely tailored gray suit. His dark brown hair was slicked back and your breathing hitched. His brown eyes were sharp and captivating. And-

Cool it, Y/N. He may have a Shiba and he may be hot as fuck. But you gotta reel it in.

“Mr. Nakamoto?” You asked.

He smirked. “Call me Yuta. It’s really nice to meet you. Can I take your bag?”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” You shook your head when you saw him reach his arm out to grab your Captain Marvel themed bag. Your bag wasn’t that heavy. “Oh, that’s okay. I got it.”

He nodded. “I’ll show you around. Thanks for coming so early.”

And suddenly you forgot that you were cursing yourself for taking the gig since you had to wake up at 5:30 AM to get ready so you can meet Yuta at 7:30 AM. Miami traffic was merciless even at 6:30 in the morning.

“It’s fine,” you said.

Yuta opened the front door and said, “After you.”

Hero ran in right after and you could hear the pitter pat of his feet and grinned. Dogs were effortless in making people laugh. That’s one of the things you loved most about them.

Dog toys were all over the wooden floor. Including a soccer ball. Three different pairs of shoes were placed beside the door. There was a lot of wooden furnishings and there were a couple of sliding doors. You noted that the interior of the house was very reminiscent of Japanese interior design.

“This is a really nice place you got here,” you said.

Yuta laughed. “You don’t have to lie. It’s a mess. I’m sorry about that. But Hero likes it that way.”

“Oh I don’t think it’s fair to pin it all on Hero.”

Hero was right on Yuta’s heels, staring up in adoration at his owner. You could feel their connection to each other and you knew that Yuta really loved him. Yuta looked down at Hero and rubbed his head.

“Maybe you’re right,” Yuta said as he looked back up at you. “Do you want something to drink? Eat? I made scrambled eggs.”

“Sounds good. I don’t want to keep you, though.” You remembered he had a flight to catch soon. Miami International Airport was very unforgiving.

Yuta’s eyes grew noticeably bigger. “Oh, yeah. Well, the tour’s quick. You got all of my instructions via email anyway. If you have any questions at any time, don’t hesitate to text. I can only take phone calls after 10 at night since my meetings are running late this weekend. I apologize.”

“It’s no problem.”

Yuta smiled. “If you’ll follow me.” He walked you down the hall and showed you the different rooms in the house. Hero was allowed to roam as he pleased. He usually liked to sleep in Yuta’s bed but he also had a bed in the living room. And a bed in the kitchen because Yuta sometimes liked to get a midnight snack and it was almost as if Hero knew that. Then, Hero would seize the opportunity to guilt trip Yuta into giving him something to munch on.

You were living for Yuta’s anecdotes.

“So the last door on the left is my room, which Hero can sleep in. But I’m pretty sure he’ll be with you. If you don’t mind keeping your room open. Which brings me to the guest room,” Yuta said.

He pushed the sliding door open and revealed a comfortable floor bed with a floor desk that had a cute little cactus and lamp on it.

“If you’d like extra blankets, the linen closet has a lot. Go nuts.” He laughed.

“Thanks, Yuta. I really appreciate it.” Most of your clients were nice people. Some were a little chaotic. But then, by the grace of God, you stumbled on a miracle.

You and Yuta walked back to the entrance.

“Well, I’m off,” Yuta said, “Thanks again for doing this, Y/N.” A strand of his hair fell into his eyes and he tucked it behind his ear. You imagined him doing that to your hair and you blushed, feeling guilty over fantasizing about a client you’d only see once more when he came back to make sure you didn’t kidnap Hero.

You nodded. “You’re welcome...Uh, safe travels...Yeah.” Lord, help you.

He gave you a knowing smile. He had to be aware of the effect he had on people. Whatever his line of work, he was probably the most magnetic person there.

“Bye,” he said in a playful tone. He knelt down and pet Hero. “You be good, alright?” Hero barked. The first time you heard him today.

10

You sat on the couch with Hero watching the news. Taking care of Hero consisted of taking him on a walk a couple of times a day. Taking him to the dog park this afternoon since Saturday afternoons were for dog park visits. Feeding him his meals. Giving him some treats as you said the commands Yuta suggested in his email. “Sit”, “play dead”, and “grab the remote”. You laughed at that last one.

You wondered how Yuta was doing. You thought it was funny that you were even thinking about him that way when you only talked to him for at most twenty minutes. There was no question you wanted to get to know him better.

Hero laid his head on your lap when you were texting your group chat that you shared with your three girlfriends: Joanna, Taissa, and Kaia.

HowRU Group Chat: We Clowned Clowns

Joanna: So how’s it going with the Shibs?

You: It’s good. His name’s Hero. Have contemplated kidnapping him. The owner’s really nice.

Kaia: Oh?

Taissa: That’s the first time you said an owner was nice so...you mean he’s NICE.

You: Yes.

Kaia: What aren’t you saying, Y/N?

Joanna: She likes him. He’s hot, isn’t he?

Taissa: Do you have pictures?

You: Sure in the 20 minutes we were together, I got 200 candids. Of course not!

Kaia: Can you tell us about him at least?

You: Dreamy. Slicked back brown hair. Brown eyes that basically hug you. Excellent cheekbones. A smile that will make you go blind if you look too long. About 5’9 if I had to compare his height to Kaia’s.

Joanna: So he’s short

Taissa: Not for Y/N and me. No.

Kaia: He’s short.

You: I’m gonna continue. His house is really nice. Japanese style. Wooden floor. I get to walk around in my bare feet. He keeps the place really tidy, even with all the dog toys.

Taissa: You need to snatch him up, Y/N.

You: I don’t think I can.

Joanna: Don’t go into a spiel about how you’re not good enough. I will not allow it. You are more than good enough for any man you want. Go for it.

Kaia: Yes, Y/N! Ask him out!

Taissa: Maybe he’ll even beat you to it! But think about it!

You: Read It and Woof doesn’t encourage fraternization between employee and client.

Taissa: Boo, those whores.

Even if Yuta was interested, the company was strict about dating. Maybe there was some leniency if you never worked for Yuta again. But that’s a huge maybe. And you liked your part-time job. You needed it to save up before you applied to get your Master’s. And you liked Hero and definitely wanted to see him again.

The same could be said about his owner.

You sighed and decided to order some pizza. Hero was eating his kibble for dinner when the doorbell rang. You checked the peephole and saw it was the pizza delivery girl. She looked very made-up with mascara and lipstick for someone who was delivering pizzas.

You opened the door and saw that the girl’s hopeful expression faded.

She said, deadpan, “Large pepperoni with stuffed cheesy bread?”

You nodded.

She handed you the merchant copy of the receipt to sign. You did. You handed her three bucks as her tip. She handed you the pizza and cheesy bread.

“So, are you his girlfriend?” She asked.

“What?” You frowned in confusion.

Then, you remembered you weren’t at your own house. You were at Yuta’s.

“Oh! No, I’m not. I’m pet sitting.”

The girl’s face became hopeful again and she looked less hostile. “Oh, okay! Well, have a good night!”

Well, that was fun.

You sat down at the kitchen table and enjoyed your meal. You decided to explore the house a little bit more.

You looked carefully at the walls and saw some photographs of Yuta and his family. He posed with two girls you guessed were his sisters. They were at Universal Studios Japan and hanging out with the minions. You smiled at Yuta’s very animated face. There was another formal picture of Yuta with his parents and who you now confirmed were his sisters. They all looked regal in their formal wear. You saw another picture of a younger Yuta playing soccer. That would explain the soccer ball in the living room, after all. You continued down the line and saw what you thought was a very recent picture of Yuta posing with his team:

The national Japanese soccer team.

And then you looked at the next picture and recognized David Beckham. Beckham was shaking hands with Yuta. The Inter Miami CF logo was at the bottom right corner of the photograph.

Whoa.

Yuta was an international soccer player. Your inner thirteen-year-old was screeching.

Hero’s pitter pats were getting closer and he stood by you.

You knelt down and pet him. “Hero, why didn’t you tell me Yuta was a soccer star?”

Hero nuzzled against your hand.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket. Yuta texted you.

Maybe I needed to change his contact name. It sounded...suggestive. Mr. Nakamoto will see you now.

HowRU Group Chat: With Mr. Nakamoto

Mr. Nakamoto: Hey. How’s it going? Did Hero trash the place yet?

You: Hi! It’s going well. Hero’s been a good doggo. How are things?

Mr. Nakamoto: That’s good to hear. It’s been stressful but it looks like things are going to work out.

You: How mysterious.

Mr. Nakamoto: It’s pretty boring, actually. But if all goes well, I get to stay in Miami for a long while.

You: I hope it does.

Mr. Nakamoto: Me, too :)

You debated bringing up what you discovered of Yuta but weren’t sure how to proceed with it. 

Hey Yuta, by the way, why didn’t you tell me you were a soccer sensation? 

Or...

Hey, Yuta, do you like Messi?

You decided to drop it. Maybe he’d mention it to you. Maybe he wouldn’t.

It would all depend on whether you guys would see each other again after the weekend was over.

Part 2 (Coming Soon)

[chiseler]

THE MYSTERY OF SUNN CLASSIC PICTURES

It was like the positive, life-affirming New Age mysticism of the hippies took a sudden turn for the dark and very strange. In the mid-Seventies, as the country was overwhelmed by a creeping atmosphere of impotent anger, paranoia and existential despair in response to Vietnam, Watergate, race riots, Kent State, the Tate-LaBianca murders, bomb-tossing student radicals, pollution, high-profile assassinations, the oil crisis and the emergence of disco, Americans sought solace in some form by plunging headlong into a collective national obsession with all things Mysterious and Unexplained. Suddenly Bigfoot was all the rage, as was The Loch Ness Monster, The Bermuda Triangle, UFOs, psychic phenomena, near-death experiences, apocalyptic Biblical prophecies, and ancient astronauts. People were desperate to hold onto something, anything, no matter how ridiculous and fanciful, as the whole world seemed to be crumbling and burning around them. If something pointed toward an unseen world, a world outside this stinking mess we were stuck with, or better still promised the complete obliteration of this stinking mess, then at least there was a glimmer of hope. Almost overnight, a cottage industry cropped up, flooding the market with cheap paperbacks, magazines, movies and TV shows—even comic books and board games—devoted to unexplained phenomena of all sorts. Personally I didn’t give a Toss about the state of the world, but I still subscribed to UFO Reporter magazine, had a shelf full of cheap paperbacks with titles like The Search for Bigfoot and From Outer Space, and never missed In Search Of…, the half-hour syndicated series narrated by Leonard Nimoy that  delved into one mystery or another every week. For god sakes, I even had the Bermuda Triangle board game.

But in what may have been the strangest phenomenon of all, far more bizarre than the legends surrounding Area 51 or the Philadelphia Experiment, in 1971 Schick teamed up with the Church of Latter Day Saints to launch a low-budget movie studio that aimed to become the epicenter of High Strangeness culture.

Yes, a razor blade company and the Mormons decided to make movies together. How could the results be anything but unfathomable?

(It’s worth noting before we get too far that in my research into the history of Sunn Classic Pictures, it became clear the indie studio, which still exists in some vague form today, seems to have gone to some great lengths to fog their early history, never once mentioning the Mormons, and in some cases denying there even was a Sunn Classic Pictures prior to 1980. With only a few  rare exceptions, the reasonably small Sunn Classic catalog, now owned by Paramount, never received any kind of home video release, which only adds to the mystery.)

As the official story goes, in 1971, the employees of Schick—a subsidiary if the pharmaceutical company Warner-Lambert—approached Rayland Jensen and asked him to launch a new movie studio. Appalled by all the filth and violence and sex and cursing that infested American movie screens, as well as the so-called “intellectuals” who thought these movies were “good,” they felt real Americans needed a family-friendly alternative. Those Schick employees concluded Jensen was just the man for the job, as a few years earlier he’d handled distribution for a nature picture released by the Utah-based American National Enterprises. The picture had done very well.

Okay, let me stop there. As I said, that’s the official story, as far as it goes and as little sense as it makes. The real story goes more like this.

In 1971, a renegade group of American National Enterprises employees, led by Jensen and inspired by that same disgust with what American movies had become, broke away to form a new production company to release family-friendly, G-rated pictures. Patrick Frawley, the ultraconservative, paranoid, anti-communist conspiracy theorist who also happen to run the Schick razor blade company invested a bundle in the new venture, ensuring he would have some say in the kinds of movies the new company would release.

With headquarters divided between Salt Lake City and Park City, Utah, the newly-christened Sunn Classic Pictures (aka Sunn international, aka Schick Sunn Classic Pictures) set out to Make family-friendly features and documentaries aimed at working class, conservative, God-fearing Americans who didn’t go out to movies very often, likely because of all the above-mentioned filth and sex and violence and cuss words. Moreover, they wanted to make certain these warm-hearted films turned a healthy profit. This involved two basic techniques.

The first was four-walling, a distribution method American National Enterprises helped pioneer. Instead of spending a fortune on all those prints necessary for a massive nationwide theatrical release, Sunn instead rented theaters serving the target demographic, inundated the market with ads and gimmicks, then screened their new film at the selected theater for no more than a week. After that extremely limited run, they packed up and moved the print to another theater far away. It was a tricky ploy. On the upside four-walling a picture allowed the production company to keep all the box office receipts without having to divide them among various middlemen.

If they knew the film was a stinker, it also allowed them to skip town before the bad reviews could do them any damage. On the downside, those limited runs also meant the picture would be there and gone before any positive word of mouth could work its magic. Sunn would try four-walling a new movie for a few months, and if it was making money, they might consider a nationwide release. If not, then they’d start trying to sell it to TV for syndication. It wasn’t a tack that worked all the time, but often enough to make it worthwhile, and it left them more of an escape route than a national release ever would.

So. “Family friendly.” Yes. If you want to make Disney-style pictures but don’t have Disney-style budgets to work with, animated features are out. So are live action films with any kind of special effects. Basically what you’re left with are nature films, right? No expensive sets, very few actors, and as a result very cheap to make. So Sunn began producing wilderness adventure stories.

In those very early days, you can definitely smell Patrick Frawley’s hand in the development process. Films like 1971’s Toklat, in which a man is forced to track down and kill a beloved pet bear after the bear kills a local rancher’s livestock, is a prime example. (As it happens, Toklat was the first Sunn picture I ever saw, Green Bay being a conservative working-class town, and so on Sunn’s demographic map. ) There was something decidedly Nietzschean about those earliest releases. Most of them featured lone individualusts with strong principles who flee the corruption of modern civilization to face the harsh realities of nature alone.

Now, think back and ask yourself honestly” what kid in his right mind has ever liked nature films, Nietzschean or otherwise? Maybe Mormon kids did, but certainly not normal kids. Nature movies are dull as dust, all those endless shots of trees and rivers and shit. Even if it’s supposed to be a true adventure story about some historical frontiersman, so what? Where are the explosions and car chases and monkeys doing funny things? You know who liked nature films? Grandparents! Grandparents loved them because they were wholesome and taught valuable lessons. They insisted on dragging their grandkids to them because they didn’t have to worry about being embarrassed or having to define certain words on the trip home.

The handful of films Sunn Classic released in their first three years—most all of them wilderness adventures about solitary manly sorts learning to dominate nature in one way or another—did okay. They didn’t lose money, but they also didn’t become runaway hits.

In 1974, even after several rewrites, no one at Sunn Classic Pictures had high hopes for the next film on the docket, something called The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams. Sure, it was loosely based on an historical figure who again fled the corruption of the modern world to live in the wilderness, befriending a grizzly bear along the way. But the character was not some stalwart and steely-eyed Ubermensch—he was gentle and kind-hearted. What the hell were they going to do with that?

Enter Charles Sellier, and the second technique that would be central to Sunn Classic’s success. Sellier, today considered one of Sunn’s true founders together with Rayland Jensen, was a recently-converted Mormon in his thirties, as well as the author of the 1972 novel upon which Grizzly Adams was based. As Sunn’s new executive producer, he had a different—and eventually hugely influential—approach to marketing films.

Sellier set aside an estimated $85,000 for market research before a new film went into production. This involved targeting the desired demographic with door-to-door and telephone interviews asking housewives and construction workers what kind of movies they would like to see. This also involved screening early rushes from films currently in production for hand-picked test audiences in order to get their reactions and advice. This is, of course, standard operating procedure now, but it was radical back then, and something that mortified directors and screenwriters. In some cases Sellier even had members of the test audience wired to biometric scanners to measure their reactions to the scenes they were being shown, and use those reactions to have a script rewritten more to the test audience liking. If audience pulse rates went up whenever a certain character was on screen, well, they’d build up that role. If a certain animal warmed their hearts, well, maybe they’d make a whole movie about that particular animal.

Sellier’s method of crowd-sourced filmmaking was first tried on The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, and sure enough, the film, starring former viker movie regular Dan Haggerty, became Sunn’s first bona fide international hit, bringing in over $20 million. The film was such a smash among grandparents it quickly spawned a Sunn-produced TV series, which was also a big hit among grandparents. To date, the Grizzly Adams franchise remains Sunn’s biggest cash cow.

But something else happened in 1974 that would help make that iconic Sunn Classic logo as familiar and comforting as the Toho, American International, Shaw Brothers and Troma logos. To some of us, anyway.

In 1968, Erich Von Daniken published Chariots of the Gods?, a book which argued, through some mighty suspect and loosely interpreted archaeological evidence, that aliens had visited Earth thousands of years ago, and among other things helped build the Egyptian and Mexican Pyramids, Stonehenge and the statues on Easter island. It was one of the first major hallmarks of the High Strangeness Culture to come.  Originally published in Germany, the book became an International sensation among those with a very high tolerance for pseudoscience, pseudohistory, and bullshit in general..

In 1970, German director Harald Reinl made a documentary based on von Daniken’s book, and it, too, became a big hit across Europe. As sillyassed as the whole thing was, I’d argue the film was even more effective than the book thanks to the visual presentation of all the supposed evidence.

Well, after seeing how much money Chariots of the Gods? Was pulling in overseas, and interested in such topics himself, American TV producer Alan Landsburg acquired the U.S. rights, re-edited the filmn, brought in Rod Serling to narrate, and broadcast it in 1973 as In Search of Ancient Astronauts. It would be the first of a trilogy of TV documentaries about ancient astronauts produced by Landsburg and narrated by Serling.

Noting the ratings that Landsburg doc brought in, as well as that European box office, Sunn obtained the US theatrical rights to In Search of Ancient Astronauts, changed the title back to Chariots of the Gods? And began four-walling it around the country in 1974. It didn’t matter that by that time countless articles and books had completely debunked all of von Daniken’s claims, nor that critics had savaged the film, in some cases even calling it racist for purporting indigenous people in Mexico, Africa an elsewhere could never have created these wonders by themselves. The picture made money. It may not have been Grizzly Adams money, but enough to leave Sellier and Jensen convinced they might be onto something with these documentaries about weird shit. Documentaries were even cheaper to make than nature films, and the demographic they were aiming at seemed eager to believe in monsters and aliens and conspiracies, so there you go. For the next five years, along with the wilderness adventures and wholesome TV adaptations of Huck Finn and Gulliver’s Travels,  Sunn gave the half-wits like me what we wanted.

In 1975, Sunn picked up the theatrical distrobution rights To The Outer Space Connection, the last of Landsburg’s ancient astronaut trilogy (as well as one of the last things Rod Serling worked on before he died). This final entry argued not only that aliens had visited earth thousands of years ago, but had planted humans here in the first place and had been guiding our evolution ever since. This wasn’t exactly a new idea, and could be traced back, so far as I’m aware, at least to Nigel Kneale’s 1958 BBC miniseries Quatermass and The Pit. But the film, directed by Fred Warshofsky, went several crazy steps beyond Kneale, claiming we know exactly where the aliens came from and why, that the Mayans were themselves aliens, and that these same aliens would return to Earth on Christmas Eve, 2011.

The TV documentaries made enough of a splash for Landsburg that he parlayed them into the above-mentioned weekly In Search Of… series, which began airing in 1977, right around the same time Grizzly Adams hit the airwaves.

Both Chariots of the Gods? And The Outer Space Connection helped cement the template that would define the rest of the Sunn-produced High Strangeness documentaries that would follow, making them so effective on the young, the susceptible, and the merely desperate. The real key, it seems, far beyomd the film’s actual content, was conscripting an authoritative host/narrator who can present the most insane pseudoscientific theories and shaky evidence with a straight face while repeatedly using terms like “indisputable,” “Proven beyond a doubt,” and “scientists agree.”: “It’s an incontrovertible fact these ancient carvings prove alien visitors walked on Earth over five hundred centuries ago.” It was the simplest of carnival sideshow techniques, but one that kept drawing suckers to the theaters.

The same year they released The Outer Space Connection, Sunn also released The Mysterious Monsters, which was less a documentary than a series of vignettes about Bigfoot, the Yeti, and The Loch Ness Monster. Director Robert Guenette had been making what you might call speculative Sunn-style documentaries long before Sunn even existed, so he was in familiar territory. In fact, The Mysterious Monsters includes scenes borrowed from Guenette’s 1974 TV movie, Monsters: Mysteries or Myths?, which coincidentally had been narrated by Rod Serling. The (mostly) new and expanded Sunn production was hosted by Peter Graves, who was as straight-faced as they come. In between shots of Graves and ten other men in cowboy hats wandering the forest on horseback looking for Bigfoot, we get eyewitness accounts from those who claim to have actually seen Bigfoot, Nessie, or the Yeti. Unlike most Bigfoot films of the era (and there were a bunch), The Mysterious Monsters infers a decided fearlessness and hostility on Bigfoot’s part, claiming he not only terrorized innocent victims, but wandered into the suburbs to terrorize them. The recreated Bigfoot encounters here are kind of fun, and in fact the film contains two solid scares, at least if you’re nine. Nessie and the Yeti get short shrift, and those scenes of Graves riding through the forest with that hopeless hunting party are interminable, but the picture was another big hit,arriving at precisely the right time given 1975 was a banner year for Bigfoot cinema. In the end, and where he got his information who the hell knows, Graves announces there is a community of some two hundred Bigfeet living in Northern California, though Graves and the hunting party find none of them.

Another hallmark of Sunn’s documentaries was that most inevitably ended with an outlandish, shocking, unexpected, and wholly unsubstantiated claim. The influence of mondo films—Mondo Cane, Africa ama and the like—on Sunn’s documentaries is undeniable. But while mondo films aimed to shock grindhouse audiences with footage (whether real or created) of bizarre and extreme human behavior, Sunn aimed to leave family audiences womderstruck at the possibilities of a mysterious world of magic and monsters just beyond our perceptions.

In 1976, Sunn followed up The Mysterious Monsters with The Amazing World of Psychic Phenomena, also directed by Guenette, this time narrated by Raymond Burr. The film is less a cohesive documentary than another shaggy dog series of vignettes exploring extrasensory perception, astral projection, and telekinesis as well as ghosts and spiritualism, featuring an all-star cast of celebrity psychics including Jeanne Dixon and Uri Geller. Not surprisingly, Burr, who doesn’t seem terribly convinced himself, informs us that there is irrefutable scientific evidence that all these powers are absolutely real and for true.

That same year also saw the release of one of Sunn’s more patently ridiculous outings, In Search of Noah’s ARk, a film which, in many ways, proved a turning point. The film was the first to be hosted/narrated by character actor Brad Crandall, who would go on to narrate most of the remaining Sunn Classic documentaries, as well as appearing in a few of their TV shows. It was directed by James L. Conway, who quickly established himself as Sunn’s go-to in-house director, churning out five or six features and TV movies a year.

Apart from turning to mostly in-house staffers to make their films instead of bringing in outside directors and celebrity hosts, In Search of Noah’s ARk also marked the point at which Sunn further fed their demographic by adding a decidedly fundamentalist Christian focus to many of their films, from Noah’s Ark to their TV series Greatest Heroes of the Bible to two documentaries about near-death experiences to 1979’s (and grammar be damned) In search of Historic Jesus.

In business terms it was a savvy move. To this day, films aimed at a fundamentalist audience, especially if they support a strictly literal interpretation of the Bible, can bring in more money than most Hollywood films. They certainly bring in more than most Mormon themed films, and apparently the more patently ridiculous the involved claims, the better.

The supposed “scientists” who lay out the evidence that the remains of Noah’s honest-to-God ark are still sitting up there on top of Mt. Ararat (should anyone care to take a look) aren’t, um, scientists at all. One, a supposed physics professor, argues there’s a mountain of geological evidence proving the world was deluged by an all-consuming flood, um, five thousand years ago. Another claims the ark was first discovered by a Russian expedition sent by Tsar Nicholas II in 1916, but all the reports and evidence were destroyed by dirty communist revolutionaries, um, two days after the expedition returned. It all goes downhill from there, and you have to feel some pity for the poor gullible fools who believed all this nonsense.

I saw nearly all of Sunn’s documentaries in the theater when I was a kid, and now feel sorry for my mom, dad, and older sister, who I suspect drew straws to see who had to take me whenever a new Sunn picture hit town. When I was ten I bought every last nutty claim. Going back and watching them again four decades later, I find myself blurting, “Wait, what?” Aloud after nearly every scene. They do, however, remain fascinating artifacts and a mirror of a certain psychological makeup. They’re also still fun as hell for all their crazy dumbness, if you keep your critical thinking skills at the ready.

Sunn found themselves in the middle of a shitstorm in 1977 with the release of The Lincoln Conspiracy, also directed by Conway. Historians, critics and the media at large attacked the film for presenting as fact a convoluted conspiracy claiming the assassination of President Lincoln was an inside job, closing, as Oliver Stone’s JFK would years later, with a demand the investigation be reopened. Conway would later claim the film was just a silly speculative docudrama based on a couple recent books, but even the authors of the books denounced the film. Still, a little controversy has never been known to hurt the box office.

Over the next few years Sunn continued to release two or three pseudoscientific documentaries  a year, including Beyond and Back, Beyond Death’s Door, and The Bermuda Triangle, the latter of which claimed all those ships and planes vanished after being zapped by a malfunctioning Atlantean particle bean that was lost somewhere on the ocean floor near Bimini. Bimini? Well, I gotta say, as explanations go, it makes about as much sense as any other.

A personal favorite from the late Sunn era for its sheer nihilistic simplicity was 1979’s Encounter With Disaster, this time directed by Charles Sellier himself. Using his patented market research techniques, he brought a test audience into a theater and showed them dozens of newsreel clips of fires, earthquakes, The Hindenberg, race car crashes and the like, measuring responses to see which were considered the most exciting. He then strung all the most popular disaster footage together and released it as a feature.

Encounter With Disaster was perhaps the one true mondo film Sunn released during their brief heyday, and a definite anomaly. Toward the end, instead of documentary footage, talking heads and manipulative narration, films like The Bermuda Triangle, Beyond Death’s Door and In Search of Historic Jesus cane to rely more on speculative recreations with actors, sets and scripted dialogue. Although a narrator does pop up occasionally to say, in essence, “Yup, this really, really happened!,” the films come off more like splintered docudramas than documentaries, which somehow makes their assorted theses seem even less plausible.

It’s worth pointing out here that In Search of Historic Jesus, as delightfully awful as it is, does, without saying as much, offer a clear case study of the effect Sellier’s marketing machinations could have on a film.

Directed by Sunn’s in-house cinematographer Henning Schellerup (who prior to Sunn had worked on everything from softcore porn to Corman productions) and again narrated by Brad Crandall, Historic Jesus clearly began life as a documentary aiming to present all the independent historical evidence proving the Biblical account of Jesus’ life was accurate. Given there was precious little of that to be found, it became a documentary about the Shroud of Turin. Given there wasn’t really ninety minutes worth of material about the Shroud of Turin, they shot an interview with a fake scientist offering some, um, plausible scientific explanations for the Star of Bethlehem, then plundered some footage from the Noah’s Ark movie (though oddly the data offered in the latter somehow changed between 1976 and 1979). All this left them with a film that was about twenty minutes long.

The film was saved when Sellier gathered a test audience of fundamentalist Christians. After showing them a few scenes, he quickly learned they didn’t need any scientific or historical proof that Jesus really existed. They just wanted to hear more Jesus stories.

Taking their advice, the bulk of the film became a  string of recreations of Jesus’ Greatest Hits acted out by amateur actors playing Jesus, Mary, Herid, Pontius Pilate and assorted disciples. No effort whatsoever is made to prove these recreated scenes actually happened. So instead of a pseudoscientific, pseudohistorical account of the, um, historical figure known as Jesus of Nazareth, it became another Sunday School-ready Jesus movie, all primed and ready to be rented to church groups across the country. In short, then, calling the film In Search of Historic Jesus actually makes sense.

By 1979, Sunn’s documentaries seemed to be running out of gas. They were still turning a profit (especially that Historic Jesus thing), but the profits weren’t what they once were, and the films were costing more to make. Also, other production houses had picked up on the Sunn Classic formula and began releasing High Strangeness docs of their own. In 1978, for instance, Amran Films and RCR released The Late Great Planet Earth, based on “Biblical scholar” Hal Lindsey’s massive bestseller which claimed all the prophecies in the Book of Revelation were coming true, and the long-promised Apocalypse would arrive any day now. If I remember correctly, the world was supposed to end in 1986. The film was hosted and narrated by Orson Wells, who had once been asked to narrate a Sunn film, but was so horrified by their marketing practices he turned down the job.

(A few years later in 1981, Welles would also narrate a documentary about Nostradamus’ prophecies, which was directed, coincidentally enough, by Sunn Classic alumnus Robert Guenette. Just to illustrate how influential Sunn’s experiment had been, The Man Who Saw Tomorrow was distributed by goddamn WARNER BROTHERS, of all places.)

What struck the real death knell to Sunn’s hugely successful string of pseudoscientific and pseudo historical extravaganzas was a changing culture. We were own the brink of Morning in America and the Reagan Era. Interest in silly monsters and psychic phenomena was waning as everyone put the ’70s behind them, focusing instead on the stock market, the threat of nuclear war, cocaine, designer clothes and other tangible real world issues.

Charles Sellier

In 1980 Sunn Classic Pictures was bought out by Taft Enterprises, a Cincinnatti-based conglomerate.  The suits in Taft’s entertainment division had a few ideas of their own about what American moviegoers wanted. When they correctly saw that the days of four-walling were about over as the business ties between the major studios and national theater Chains grew stronger, Charles Sellier walked away to continue writing, producing, directing and marketing films on his own terms. In 1984 he directed the notorious holiday slasher film, Silent Night, Deadly Night, a picture remembered more for its ad campaign than anything in the picture itself. Sellier also later converted from Mormonism to evangelical Christianity.

When Taft likewise decided family friendly entertainment was a dead end, that the market for G-rated wilderness adventures simply wasn’t there anymore, that a film had to be rated PG or R if it hoped to make any money, Jensen and a few other original American National Enterprises refugees quit in disgust, and once again formed their own production company to offer honest American families wholesome entertainment options. Their first film was 1981’s Private Lessons, a teen sex comedy starring Sylvia Kristel. It made a lot of money.

Director James Conway stayed with Taft for awhile, helming several pictures, including the monster movie The Boogens . Interestingly, the very first Taft/Sunn release, perhaps formulated to attract Sunn’s core audience, was the Conway-directed Hangar 18, starring Darren McGavin, Robert Vaughn and Gary Collins. It was the perfect transitional picture, a sci-fi conspiracy thriller loosely based on what might well have been the subject of the next Sunn Classic documentary: Roswell and Area 51. Conway later went on to become an executive at Spelling Entertainment, overseeing a mountain of wildly successful crap.

Over the subsequent decades there were more sales and acquisitions, with the various companies overseeing the Sunn Classic brand themselves being gobbled up by even larger faceless corporate entities. Sunn vanished, then reappeared, then vanished again. Today there are vague, mysterious hints that Sunn Classics Pictures has been re-launched after Rayland Jensen teamed up with Lang Elliott, original founder of Tri-Star Pictures. But if Sunn really has risen from the grave, would it matter?

For good or ill, over the course of that five-year stretch between 1974 and 1979, Sunn Classic Pictures illuminated one strange facet of a very strange era, warped millions of impressionable minds (like mine), fully capitalized on a nation’s despair and collective neuroses, and left an indelible mark on the culture. Take even a cursory glance at what’s airing on the History and Discovery Channels, or at how the marketing departments of any movie studio large or small operates today. They simply wouldn’t be what they are In the second decade of the twenty-first century had it not been for Sunn Classic Pictures., and fore that we can thank the Mormons, a right-wing kook, and Bigfoot.

by Jim Knipfel