#but also just buddy stuff with pirate squad

[asteraegis]

deimos x the sea devil, i was gonna do more but im tired and dont wanna finish this

[artobotsrollout]

Transformers: Harbingers

The Pirate Scream AU

Before I talk about it you guys are the best thank you for indulging me and my AU from this post xjdjd. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

@badlydrawntransformers @cosmic0de @warrioroffandoms @measlyfurball13 And a bonus thank you to those encouraging me in the tags as well ❤️

I plan to do art for it as well as accompanying written bits and maybe even an animatic but till then have some general info under the cut.

Also there is transformers: Prime spoilers below so open at your own risk.

TRANSFORMERS: HARBINGERS

So this AU comes from the same place many AUs heavily involving TfP Starscream come from: the unfulfilled potential in our boy Scream. Now deeper discussion of that is not gonna be in this post. It'd be a whole essay.

It also comes from just how salty I was that the Team's kindness never really benefitted them much and they kept getting slapped for it. And OP really wanted to win over a con and Starscream kept wanting a partner. ALSO ALSO Optimus was portrayed as keeping his emotions in check and then never really gets a message that it's okay to be emotional so... I'm doing that here.

And the Starscream Pirate AU was born...

Aka Transformers: Harbingers (maybe idk if it's catchy enough djjsw)

Why Harbingers? ''It's just a SHIP Starscream chills in for awhile in the show' ' I hear you say. WELL HANG ON!! I got two very good reasons!! .

First off: Starscream, with the help of some Cybertronians who he wins over one way or another (Ill get to that), help him essentially use the remains of the Harbinger to put together their own functional ship. It's smaller than the Nemesis and will take some pirate ship inspiration. While it is a hardy beast it's a bit jury rigged.

Second of all:

Imagine being a fictional character living in a ship with a name that basically means 'Foreshadowed bringer of change' and then going back to Megatron and his bullshit. I'm gonna grab this and run all the way with it. Highway to Hell just came on my Spotify so... That may be an omen.

---------

NOW LISTEN

I feel like Starscream and Optimus could really have had such an interesting dynamic but we never really got to see that in TfP and I feel cheated. Also both could have mutually benefitted a great deal.

So what do I do? I shove them together to be sorta begrudging Co-Captains. As a result there's a lot of shenanigans to be had!

How this happens OP has some run ins with cons and, through a way I'm still deciding, has the opportunity to extend a hand to Starscream. Starscream, being kindness starved, doesn't entirely know what to do about Optimus being nice to him one whole time with no sarcasm or ulterior motive and sorta starts trying to get his attention.

Starscream and his crew are a bit of their own team at this point. MEANING sort of new LOGOS!

I'm yoinking the crossed out Decepticon logo from the Dark Energon Starscream and Dark Energon Knockout toys cause I mean... It's right there and also kinda like a skull and crossbones. It fits too well guys.

Starscream essentially manages to win over the autobots enough so they can sorta make a mutually beneficial, if strained, alliance to aid their aligned goal: killing Megatron and revitalizing cyberton. This is aided by some slight changes to the plot of course. It's also a benefit, much to Ratchet's delight, since they finally get some cybertronian tech to work with.

And so they gotta work together to take Megatron out and there's much bonding moments esp later when the autobot base is destroyed. Starscream extends his hand to them and offers them a more permanent position onboard. (rubbing in how unfortunate their situation is and how this is such a big favour but he's paying Optimus back.)

And insert team dynamic stuff!! Like cons teaming up with Bots, Starscream and Optimus trying to stick with it leading their own teams but keep accidently backseat-leadering one another. I will write some other ex-con and bot dynamics cause there's a lot of chaos to be had.

Optimus doesn't open up to his crew for morale sake and masks his emotions well, and Starscream is... well Starscream is Starscream so he masks what he truly feels a lot and doesn't share a lot of personal stuff besides complaints with his team either. So there's a lot of tension.... That is until Starscream has had it at just how good a poker face Prime has.

Because he's absolutely paranoid got a harmless curiosity about Optimus's ulterior motives and wants potential dirty secrets he can use as blackmail to have power over the Prime, he essentially puts cybertronian booze (but kid friendly version of course fbejek) in Optimus's energon heavily expecting him to spill the beans when heavily drunk. What he doesn't expect is that Optimus is just... LIKE THAT to his core. He's smart but very sad and guilty. And maybe a bit weepy and exhausted cause this man has not shown an emotion for eons now. /s. Starscream doesn't know wtf to do but swayed by how earnest Optimus is he sorta softens up and does open up. Might have helped that he took a swig of the tainted energon to get on his level though. But it also helps that neither is the others subordinate so they don't need to maintain their image as badly with the Co-captain as they do their team.

The ex cons sorta accidently absorb some of the autobot's morals over time. The cons help the autobots have some fun. There's a lot of stuff learned both ways. Also the cons realize how cool humans can be and after a lot of argument and forced time spent with the kids, they want to protect earth too.

Starscream, helps Optimus open up a bit more and allow himself to be emotional. He also shows him how to be a little selfish. Optimus in turn helps him with self confidence and making friends. Both help each other with the shit Megatron put em both through and overall boost one another up. (This also does change the start of the war a bit but I'll get to that in another post.)

Miko tries to fight all of the cons at first but quickly changes her tune cause "BOOYAH PIRATE CONS!!"

Other bits about this AU:

Starscream will eventually get a slight design change. It'll be less scrappy and look more confident and put together. It'll be minor

Because they are on a flying ship but have less energon than the Nemesis, everyone gets equipped with mods for flight. There is a jetpack upgrade one can get or Knockout can straight up help change their alt mode surgically.

I'm working up a list of who gets what flight mod but... Ya'll should know that Wheeljack dares Knockout to make him into a flying car. Largely cause I just got the image of Wheeljack flying above vehicons and just turning into a car and dropping on them. That and driving up the side of the Nemesis and confusing the fuck out of Megatron. Out of all the characters you know that would be a Wheeljack thing.

Arcee and Knockout grieve together.

Knockout loves bugging the hell out of Ratchet. It's extra fun for him cause Ratchet often can't do shit about it since they both need the room and tools.

Knockout and Wheeljack become an insufferable duo with the nicknames they have for everyone.

Wheeljack won't leave Starscream alone and keeps coming up with worse and worse nicknames like he did with Ratchet.

Starscream and Ratchet become complaining buddies.

STARSCREAM'S SEEKER SQUAD REJOINS. Well some of them. Skywarp, Thundercracker and maybe other peeps.

Miko manages to befriend Skywarp and Bulkhead now has to watch both Miko AND Skywarp. Wheeljack refuses to help Bulkhead round them up.

Raf hits it off with Thundercracker.

Knockout: "FINALLY a team with fragging MANNERS!"

Instead of Beeftimus Prime from the forge, Optimus actually gets access to a third alt mode and.. Idk something else primely. So he actually gets wings.

Starscream and the other fliers are greatly amused because Optimus, as great as he is at his poker face most of the time, hasn't yet figured out how to not emote with the pair of wings he gets from the forge. Thundercracker is the one who eventually informs him while the rest of the crew are booing loudly in the background.

I actually do have designs of TFP Skywarp, Thundercracker, and Ironhide in the works.

Fowler and Starscream have insult battles. Oddly both grow a weird almost fondness for these verbal sparring sessions

They frequently raid the Nemesis

Miko keeps talking in a pirate voice. Smokescreen has joined her.

AND A LOT OF OTHER STUFF I'LL GET INTO WITH MORE DETAIL AND ART. I'll also talk more in depth about some of these things that isn't a ramble like this post is. xnwjskw.

Feel free to ask about anything you're curious about.

[nastyburger]

public ShortComings right now right now right now right now ri

LMAO I HAVE SUMMONED CONSTELLAJ WITH MY DASH REDEMPTION ARC KLSADJSALKDJALK anyway heres the episode idea under the cut!!!

the premise/start of the episode is similar to its canon counterpart. danny needs to pass an important physical exam and is paired with dash as a fitness buddy to help prepare for it. however, instead of jack just blasting phantom, a ghost, and an innocent bystander outside the house with the shrink ray and promptly fucks off to not deal with the consequences of that, the shrink blaster is introduced early on to danny as a prototype still in the works. it is then left in the lab until it is needed later and the set up for the actual fitness buddy stuff comes into play.

the real deviation from micro management happens when skulker attacks the duo. danny randomly shouts to scatter in opposite directions to throw the ghost off as a thinly veiled excuse to have a place to transform and promptly bolts...... except dash doesnt run in the opposite direction like he was supposed to. danny gets to a secluded area and starts slowing down, like half a second away from going ghost, before being pushed by dash to keep running with skulker following close behind.

while still running for their lives, danny is just like???? why the fuck did you follow me i said scatter????? to which dash promptly says “dude that ghost was definitely chasing you and there’s no way you can out run it, you would’ve been toast.” to further prove the point, danny is unable to shake dash off his tail and actually is struggling to keep up in human form, to the point where dash is practically carrying him while occasionally tossing him ahead to force him to run without falling behind.

danny, realizing that he wont be able to turn into phantom anytime soon, decides “okay change of plans, we’ll do this the human way” and steers dash towards the direction of fentonworks to get ghost weapons instead. they eventually hit the lab and danny starts grabbing ectoguns and starts blasting at skulker who is putting up quite the fight. dash, seeing the struggle, tries to help too. he grabs some guns of his own, but being more unfamiliar with the tech, he grabs a lot of duds or stuff not fully loaded. in his frantic panic, one of the guns dash grabs ends up being the unfinished shrink blaster.

before danny can stop him, the blast goes off but instead of shrinking only the target, it malfunctions and hits everyone in the room and a couple of weapons here and there. the shrink explosion knocks everyone back quite a bit so they’re far away from the gun and idk some bullshit about jack coming in to be like huh that’s weird and taking it somewhere else. shrunken shenanigans ensue.

if danny couldnt get away to transform before, he DEFINITELY cant now (how is he gonna explain disappearing and then having a mini phantom show up lol). so he an dash are stuck together. they grab all the tiny weapons they can and set off, having tiny happenings and that all along the way similarly to canon. the only difference is danny more discreetly using his his powers and covering it up by saying it was fenton tech. it leads to some funny stuff and danny trying to badly lie through his teeth.

this episode builds on both dash’s character and how his view on danny starts to change. this event is sorta the kicker to his whole redemption arc in the nasty reboot timeline, having moments/seeds somewhat sown before this but never full on sprouting until this moment. dash has seen danny hold his own in a fight before, but only in teams, with his friends, and behind weapons (i.e pirate radio) up until this point. as their weapons start to lose ammo and supplies (and, unknown to dash, danny’s powers) dash starts to REALLY see how resourceful and charismatic danny is on his own. all other possible factors are removed here, its just pure, unfiltered, human danny fenton baby!

even when dash has his breakdown similar to canon, the kid he picked on for years still extends a hand and helps him out of it. even when the goal seems so far away like they’ll never make it, danny tells him to press on and keeps moving forward. even when they’re at their wits end and dash cant for the life of him figure out a way out of the situation, danny still!! somehow!!!! does!!!!!!! all these little moments make dash start to fall in love appreciate the skillset and merits danny has all on his own. (theres also like themes of danny learning how to properly balance/maintain both of his lives and learning he has valuable skillsets as fenton too instead of being a useless half in this reboot. dash’s validation is a small part of what encourages danny into realizing his worth. because, hell, if your bully thinks you’re doing alright then thats gotta mean something, right?)

the climax of the episode is when danny is backed into a corner by skulker with no ammo, no powers, and no significant physical strength. but even so, danny decides to go off the deep end by launching himself at skulker and starts smacking the shit out of the ghost with nothing but an empty ectogun and blind gremlin rage.

(exactly like this lol)

in the struggle, danny is doing surprisingly well (which dash absolutely notes in awe) but then at one point, skulker points a weapon in prime position to shoot danny without him noticing. dash panics and rushes to pull fenton off of skulker, but danny, upon realizing what dash is doing, takes opportunity and latches onto skulker’s head trying to pry it off with dash’s combine strength (much to dash’s confusion).

basically, danny manages to rip skulker’s fucking head off (dash is horrified until danny shows him the actual ghost and how his body was just a suit) and sucks up skulker into a spare thermos. the two then use the suit to jet pack them up onto the welding table in the ops center where jack had been tinkering with it.

the shrink blaster had its final fixes implemented in it now, with a reverse switch as well, so danny and dash easily changes back to normal. they share a bit of a moment, similar to phantom and dash in canon. but instead of dash ruining the moment this time, its danny who simply states “well the adrenaline has worn off so i should probably tell you my leg is most likely fractured” before collapsing onto dash. at some point during the tussle with skulker, danny’s leg apparently got scrunched pretty hard to the point of being broken but danny was being too feral in the moment to react right away.

(again, as stated in a previous ask, my shitpost jock protection squad au took various elements from this plotline in the reboot so there will be overlap but its not canon)

because of the broken leg situation, danny is unable to do the test but is allowed to retake it once he recovers. of course, this means dash is still danny’s fitness buddy. this gives an excuse for them to be stuck together for a little longer and so the redemption process begins!!!! (even if danny’s leg technically already healed after a day or so lol)

[spidermanifested]

picture this: you are a buff lesbian pirate dinosaur alien. youre thousands of years old. the rest of your species consists of like 15 total losers who stay in their dumb castle and a few other ones who run around in the woods eating frogs or something, you dont know or care, youre living your best life sailing around on a giant turtle with the help of a clan of tiny bug elves who think youre amazing and badass (because lets face it you are). youve been their Patron Dinosaur for AGES and you give them fun presents and flirt with the bug elf ladies and generally have a grand old time.

now imagine you find out the Castle-Dwelling Nerds have gotten so scared of the concept of linear time that theyre murdering the bug elves for experiments or something, again you dont know OR care but Your bug elves need your help so youre like “okay yeah ill take you guys somewhere while this all blows over, dont worry, ive got your adorable little buggy backs” except before you can leave, some other bugs show up trying to convince your squad that they need to STAY HERE ACTUALLY with the rest of the bug people and get themselves killed ~together~ and youre like no thats dumb also this girl has been poisoned can we focus on that please. and these strangers go NO YOURE EVIL AND YOU CLEARLY DID IT, even though youre like, right there and also have a sword, so like. great sense of self-preservation there. but you arent in the mood to get in fights with muppets so you use your Pirate Detective skills to figure out whodunnit and save the lady and hurray, except one of the strangers just???? randomly tries to fucking stab you out of nowhere and hes got a spider on him so youre like “well clearly the spider was controlling him so ill excuse that for now” but they insist the spider is NOT a spider and wont tell you anything. so youre like “okay fine get off my boat thats also a turtle i need a drink”

then later youre getting all set to go with your Elf Pals, got everything all ready, everybodys there, yep, time to set sail. except you get like a couple miles out and. theres nobody behind you

and you check again and, yep still nobody. and it turns out YOUR bugs ended up flaking out on you because of those same strangers who came over acting all high and mighty and telling them how to run things, which is clearly your job, and they dont even HAVE a boat or a cool hat or a turtle or ANYTHING, and now your bugs are going to stay behind and die like a bunch of idiots and to top it all off you cant get anywhere without their navigators and stuff because despite having 4 arms youre still just one (very cool very buff and swashbuckling) dinosaur lady. so you turn around. youre like “okay. okay. i can salvage this. theres still SOMEBODY i can wrangle into helping me out”

so you go to your god damn ex wife/literal other halfs house like “knock knock im here for your stupid MAPS and ASTROLABES and whatnot” and guess what shes not home! but you know who IS home, and by that i mean in HER home??? those same asshats from before— one of which as it turns out has a bounty on their head, so you just go “okay if im not getting off this dumb shitty god damn no-sea-monster-having landmass i can at least get my estranged colleagues to respect me and maybe theyll let me do my own thing” and tell them youll let the rest of them leave in peace in exchange for the One Elf you need

and shes like “i’ll FIGHT YOU and if you win you can take me in” and youre like pfft sure while you were out camping with your stupid friends i was studying how to quadruple wield the blade. and the rest of them leave, and you fight, except she fucking RUNS!!! and they all get away!!!!!!! because she lied To Your Face and to top everything off???? to put the cherry on this sundae??? the girl you saved from being poisoned before is there and she chops off one of your actual hands

and later. you catch them Again. and youre like okay same deal give me the ONE bug i need and you can go. but they escape AGAIN and take your fucking turtle!!!! and now you have no boat and no navigators and no captives and no nothing, and then the dude helping you catch them who you thought was your buddy blamed everything on you, so not only that, you realize you have No Friends as well. now youre in full on Revenge mode and you do not care about anything beyond bringing the full force of your wrath down on these little shits who have ruined your entire life in less than a week. so you go to the main ones house, its in a swamp or something, and you set everything on fire and theyre throwing knives at you and its a Lot

but then somehow they get into your brain????? your ex wife lets them like, wriggle into your mindscape, and remind you of all the stuff you used to care about, you know, before it all got ripped away from you, by them. and while youre trying to evict them from your own personal nostalgia hell? one of the other bugs sneaks up behind you and stabs you. multiple times. and it doesnt hurt That bad but its still a lot of stabbing! and youre flailing around trying to get her off you

and then

they trap you inside a fucking tree. like they grow a tree AROUND you. one of them literally gives up all her life energy to make a big giant tree grow and trap you in it. and now you are trapped. in the tree.

and your ex-wife is there outside you can SENSE her smug face. and all the bugs too are probably there. and you cant do anything.

because youre stuck in a Fucking Tree.

and now you know the tale of skeksa the mariner, who might not be anywhere close to what the experts call a “Good Person” but ill be damned if i dont look at all the nonsense she experienced over the course of a relatively minuscule span of time and think “yeah id be pissed too what the fuck”

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

I'm obsessed with your Descendants au for asoue, do you have any angsty headcanons for it?

DO I????? 

angst is literally my middle name my buddy my pal and like half the unfortunate gen are villain kids 

okay sO

First and foremost. Duncan probably has the worst parental relationship of the entire squad. He’s… very clearly not super evil, which does not make Maleficent treat him well. Isadora and Quigley realized this pretty quickly and basically took over raising him so he could avoid their mom for as long as possible 

The triplets are insanely protective of each other, and pretty much the only thing that can get Duncan mad is when someone’s trying to hurt Isadora or Quigley

Meanwhile, Fiona received little to no attention from her parents and was raised mainly by Fernald and a bunch of pirate teens. So basically her first instinct towards anything she doesn’t like is “stab.” This makes making friends very difficult 

And Carmelita and her Mom basically had the relationship of “either perfect mother and daughter or a nonstop screaming match and really it’s just a roll of the dice on what it’ll be this hour.” And her Dad, the King of Hearts, was basically just like. making sure nobody died, so she has an okay relationship with him, just not great bc he clearly cares more about pleasing the Queen than paying attention to Carm. 

Fiona and Isadora hated each other at first because they were basically both taught to value power above all else, and they didn’t like that someone else was closer to being a gang leader. So a lot of their interactions were originally very heated and ended with them almost killing each other. 

and that’s just isle stuff whoot then they get to auradon

It takes the kids a very long time to realize that anyone actually likes them. Especially Carmelita and Isadora. 

Duncan has panic attacks sometimes, when he messes something up. The only ones who can calm him down are his triplets or Klaus- or sometimes Friday, if she doesn’t panic. And he always gets very apologetic afterwards, which worries the Baudelaires quite a bit. 

Isadora is constantly trying to get everyone to focus on The Plan, but that slowly falls apart as they all realize that the Auradon kids are actually pretty cool and their home life kinda sucks. 

Carmelita has existential crises constantly bc her Mom convinced her that something princesses do is just marry someone of a higher status but she’s aromantic and still figuring that out so big oof until Klaus finally tells her there’s a word for what she’s feeling 

Quigley and Duncan both form crushes on Baudelaires so you BETTER believe that will be angst central 

Friday: You guys are like my cool big siblings :) Isle Kids: OH GOD OH FUCK 

also i’m rewriting like 99.9% of the dialogue from the films but u wanna know one bit i’m definitely keeping? that bit where ben takes mal on a date to the enchanted lake and the love potion washes off but ben realizes that mal jumped in the lake to save him even tho she can’t swim and it’s like… 

Violet: Quigley… I told you that I loved you. What about you? Do you love me?

Quigley, real quietly: …I don’t know what love feels like. 

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 5]

Half the badges means halfway finished, right?

No. No, it never means that.

The squad:

Caspet (Haunter)

Puff (Dratini)

Nessy (Milotic)

Boruto (Ninjask)

Omchomp (Eelektrik)

I’m rooting for you, team.

Hello Pirate Plasma.

One of them has a Watchdog.

Caspet, kill.

Good Caspet.

And so the day is saved! Thanks to... Me and Russell!

Oh, wait, hold off on the exclamation points. Russell is giving the sad backstory talk about how his little sister was given a Purrloin as a gift, then Team Plasma stole it. Cue Russell feeling so sad and helpless, and now he wants to be strong and not helpless, and believes in the power of friendship backing him up.

It’s like Nintendo took every single villain code it could get its hands on and threw it on a good big bro who depends on his buddies.

Aw heck I think I need to have a Rotation Battle with Hearbreaker Charles before the bridge opens up. Also known as that battle type that takes three pokemon. Hoo boy. Okay. Let’s. Let’s try this.

It could and has been worse.

Hey, success. Nice work, Caspet. Sorry Puff gets all the exp from it. He’s smol. He needs it.

Bridge opened up, so that means... new friend time!

Duuuuuuude!

Want.

Hey hey hey hey I caught him!

Now what’re we naming you... Vertex!

Say what you will, Pokemon mook villains are charming as heck with some of their dialogue. You kids would have so much fun larping. Stop bringing real theft into it and have a grand ol’ time.

The Knight Plasma promises to tell me a story about the conflict if I visit their house. I shall do that momentarily. For now, the Pokemon Center calleth.

Okay it’s been a lot of weeks since that last sentence, so I really need to read up a bit and see where I’m at.

Hm.

I’m gonna wander around training stuff. Boruto needs a move that isn’t Leech Life.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S WINTER! THE GAME SAYS IT’S WINTER!

SNOW!

SNOW.

Oh, and I guess I should check that I have Poke Balls.

Yeah, okay, good.

Exploring time.

There’s this hotel on this block that I have zero memory of.

Exploration indicates that’s because there’s nothing of value in it.

We ended up fighting Charles again and now Caspet knows Shadow Ball. I might cry. Thank you, Caspet. Thank you for being alive.

Hope. It beckons.

But that means it’s time for Boruto to have the Exp. Share.

Cool, I don’t care.

Oh, in a battle.

Hoo boy. Fingers crossed.

Sure, let’s do this.

Level 27 Herdier. Not too bad, then.

...It knows Crunch.

That takes Caspet down to almost half, so Vertex can start earning his keep against the Swoobat. Good boy, Vertex, you didn’t die. Yay.

Russell appears and sad talks about former Team Plasma folks trying to do right happen. They are sad and Russell is sad and it’s all very sad.

Aw dang it. Rood offers us a Zorua. We don’t get to take it because it isn’t randomized. So much sadness all in this one building. In a weird way I’m sort of happy to see more of Knight Team Plasma. Some of them really were on N’s side, and some of them really did realize that pokemon could be their friends. It’s an oversimplification, but it’s really sweet.

I can’t go south until I have the town badge, which I can’t get because Clay’s off doing Clay things somewhere.

Gimme something that won’t die, game.

My team is going to be nothing but Electric types by the end. Also lol I forgot to heal I am suddenly much happier that this is a Pikachu.

Pikachu’s new name is Rynalds. Bye forever, Rynalds.

Cofagrigus was also an option.

Welp.

There’s also Exploud. And Alakazam.

Cool, I have a Moon Stone now.

...How the heck am I supposed to train my party. Exp. Share and letting the big kids handle it is the surest path to insanity I can come up with, but I seriously need my team to be useful beyond its top two.

Boruto still doesn’t know anything useful.

You know what he does know now?

Swords Dance.

You are a disappointment to Boruto’s Dad, Boruto. Which I guess is me, in this universe.

I’ve reached the dark grass, so let’s see if there are easier training opportunities here.

Dusknoir! Hey, I had one of you! Flaffy, Bastiodon, Tirtouga, Volcarona

Puff’s going to take the lead and Dragon Rage things to death while I’m next to a healing house. He’s going to need a ton of exp anyway, he might as well contribute to the cause of his friends.

None of you have good moves. Caspet better not die.

...Okay, five minutes into this, do I have any good TMs...?

No. I do not.

We enter the cave for hope of a change in fortune.

!

And it’s a male Ralts!

...Wait. Do I have a Dawn Stone?

I see this theoretically ending very sadly for me.

Caught, though. His new name is Diego and he will be very loved.

. . . . . . . .

-stumbles through the door several months later-

Ultra Sun possessed all my interest and my Nuzlocke ways got put on hold for flying through wormholes. So it’s been way too long, but since this is done over text that’s not too obvious, right?

Oh, and during my off-time, it wasn’t something I looked up thanks to that being against the rules, but I remembered that it’s Caspet’s Poison typing that’s a problem against Psychic. Yay for that brief mystery concluding.

Now where the heck am I.

Right. Grinding and caves and not quite ready to talk to Bianca.

And it’s Summer now, according to the game’s clock. I wish that were true in the outside world as well. It’s cold.

If I had a Dawn Stone, I think I would add Diego to the squad. Omchomp is beloved and etc., but I won’t claim to be horribly attached, and Ralts’ every evolution has a spot in my heart that Pokemon Go can’t fill because I’m not wasting 100 candy on anything less than 93% perfection.

Only as much as I love Gardevoir, Gallade is so cool and I only get to pick one, aaaand... Yeah, okay, nothing’s being swapped out yet. Back to grinding. Back to hoping that Boruto learns literally any STAB attack.

Why does this keep happening. Ah, and this is not something Puff should be anywhere near. Arguably nothing on my team should be anywhere near it. #grinding_problems.

You know, I’m beginning to remember why I wasn’t in a hurry to pick this run back up.

Boruto learns Slash.

Heck, I’ll take it.

Uh oh.

Oooooooh I am become error.

The logic behind this was that Puff’s been in front against Kyurem constantly before Nessy gets switched in, and all it ever uses is Ancient Power. If it had anti-Dragon stuff, it’d be using it, right?

Hoo boy.

Sorry, Puff.

Like. It’s been a while, so I don’t remember much of you, and I’m kind of relieved I’m not stuck with something that takes so long to gain levels anymore, but ow.

K, Vertex goes in and we are running now.

All the way back to a Pokemon Center.

Really, really sorry, Puff.

What am I going to do without Dragon Rage... the one true grind power.

Rynalds, Frill, or Diego. Those are my choices.

In you go, Diego. I would prefer a Gallade, but that doesn’t much matter at this point.

It could be much, much worse. This run started with way worse. This is fine. It’s fine. Absolutely fine. Does not make me dream of Exp. Share that affects the entire team at all.

These are my happy tears. Obviously.

...

See. I thought to myself, “It probably knows Fire Blast.” Then I thought to myself, “Sure it can learn it, but it’s a low level legendary. Speaking from experience, those things have jack for moves. Boruto will be fine.”

Then Boruto was not fine.

Lava Plume.

Oh, and a critical hit for good measure.

I have nothing to say.

But Omchomp is going in the designated survivor box, and I’m not replacing anyone in the current lineup. I’m just. I’m gonna train these four. And. Make that work somehow. It’s too early to get caught up in everything dying during grinding.

Neat, Diego’s cave has Charizard. And Seviper. Bayleef. Probopass.

Vertex could maybe handle being Diego’s training partner... let’s give that a try instead of bloating Nessy’s level even further.

And the first thing a Charizard does is Dragon Rage the 84 health thing.

This continues to be a very long trial.

Back to Autumn.

My son. You shall be the most beautiful ballerina.

Okay, things starting to feel a bit more positive? A bit more like it might all be okay? Yeah! Let’s go! Grind them feet into the field!

Did I know there was Alakazam in the normal grass outside Chargestone? Because there is. And I have a Gardevoir in need of tutelage. Well great, at least now I know where I’m grinding.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DID THE RANDOMIZER SETTINGS RIGHT!

GENGAR GET!

No more Eviolite for Caspet, which. Well, sure, it stresses me out to only have as much Defense as Caspet really has, but maybe I’ll pick something up along the line that helps with that. You never know.

Back to the grind.

...With the stray thought that this is much less necessary with the four I have. I’d like Vertex over 30, but realistically, Caspet and Nessy are enough to deal with a lot, and Diego’s getting there.

I’ll get Vertex over 30 and hit go on the plot button.

Oh wait. Diego’s only offensive move is Magical Leaf.

Aaaaah, ghosts of Boruto’s past...

Eh, let’s just talk to Bianca.

She says nothing of interest to those who already know you can push Chargestone Cave’s rocks around.

So, I’ve just realized that I can fight Clay now, probably, and because I’m largely making myself sad doing non-plot activities, I’m going to give that a go. Nessy is overleveled and suited for it. I’ll give her a Mystic Water. Vertex can carry the Exp. Share for a bit.

And down we go.

I have no memory of this place. It is dark.

Better, but I think I like the previous games’ setup of this gym more. Aesthetically. I hated moving around it, but it was all very pretty. This has too much dark to roll with the pretty much.

Okay, first fight! Let’s see if I should actually be trying this.

First and only pokemon is a level 31 Baltoy. I think we’re good.

Geez. There are too many platforms here. Gym, I am disappoint.

Nessy.

Carry.

First out is a level 31 Krokorok. One Water Pulse downs it. Following that up is a level 31 Sandslash, and in the spirit of optimism and needing exp, Diego’s going to try to Magical Leaf it into submission. One isn’t enough, and Clay uses a Hyper Potion on his next turn. Next Magical Leaf after undoing that does the trick, and I think we’re bringing out Nessy next to contend with the Excadrill.

The level 33 Excadrill.

Nessy’s 38, if I haven’t mentioned it this post.

...Wow. One Water Pulse later, and we’re done with Clay.

Yaaaaay.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X09 - Save Henry

It’s time to save Henry...or everyone, save Henry!

See what I did there? Stealthy pun. I can do those on occasion.

Anyway, under the cut you go for the semi-smart stuff, unless you want to save yourself!

Press Release

While Henry’s life hangs in the balance, the race is on to stop Pan from gaining full magical powers from the heart of the truest believer. Meanwhile, in Storybrooke of the past, Regina decides to fill a void in her life and, with Mr. Gold’s help, sets out to adopt a baby.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

Wow, Loving Lana’s acting in this first scene with Archie. She’s so muted and given how Regina’s usually up there in the extra squad, it’s so noticable. She looks while not unhealthy, still sickly in a way because of how miserable and lonely she is. It’s a fantastic way of showing just how badly her life needed love and how much of a change for the better Henry was for it. (Not to beat a dead horse, but THIS is the kind of acting a lack of a heart should grant one, Graham!)

Pre-redemption post-childhood Regina flashbacks tend to fight an uphill battle of making Regina sympathetic while also not turning their backs on the fact that she was a legit villain, and this one, like the best of them, handles that concept well! Regina does some bad and illegal things. She casts a curse, chews out basically every Storybrooke character she interacts with, and has Sidney steal Emma’s medical records. But this flashback isn’t about those things. It’s a story about how love started the trajectory of Regina’s redemption.

That’s where the focus is on and appropriately so.

Watching that story is adorable. It’s the first time we see Regina soften to someone immediately and in such a loving way. We see the struggle Regina went through to acclimate herself to motherhood. Look, I’m the daughter of a single mother and I was a bit of a problem child myself: This shit hit home.

The ending story of the segment even shows post-early early signs of her redemption by just showing how Henry’s happiness takes precedence over an ensurement of the safety of her vengeance.

“Sometimes, being a good parent can mean having the strength to give him up.” This line is so important. I like how someone in the real world gives this extra level of validation to the “your best chance” mantra of the series. OUAT has some questionable morals and questionable redemptions. I feel comfortable saying that while I do really enjoy the redemptions we see throughout the series, that statement applies to pretty much everyone in the main cast. Someone (I think @justmilah) put it best at the convention: They’re a bunch of people who probably don’t deserve happy endings but are given them anyways.

Now where am I going with this?

The one message that was always spot on was “your best chance” (Or rather, the giving up line). Parents should put their children first. To give it that real world validation, even if it doesn’t happen in the scene in question, was such a good idea. It’s not that I care about legality in this series.

Present

”You have everything and yet you claim to know what I feel?” I was really torn about how I felt about that line. On one hand, I’ve talked a fair amount about how I dislike Regina’s “woe is me” thing, Emma having a lot of people in her life does nothing to move Henry from being her number one priority, and I don’t think comparing pain is conducive to anything. However, the scene with the Lost Boys where Emma brings up this conversation is a fantastic point for her character and her reaching the Lost Boys with that idea of unexpected love and family is incredibly effective.

Regret vs. Remorse. I think the difference between these two camps is so important, both for this scene and Regina’s legacy. Even as far into the future as Regina’s Good Queen coronation, those vines never would’ve stood a chance against Regina. Regina grew to feel remorse for her actions. That was quintessential to her redemption. If she didn’t, Regina may not have garnered the fandom that she has today nor deserved the happiness she found. BUT, Regina’s path, for as evil as it was, did lead her to Henry, and that is something she’d never go back on. He was the encounter she needed to happen in order to redeem herself and more to that, she loves him. Meeting and getting to know her son was worth it all to her and I get frustrated seeing this line get occasionally misconstrued to saying that Regina regrets nothing because she got something she wanted, like Henry was just a salt shaker on a shelf when the actual situation is nothing like that.

And it makes for a truly badass moment that simultaneously doesn’t take away from her redemption. That was really hard to do, and without going too heavy handed with it, the scene by the tree worked out flawlessly!

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Those establishing shots set the perfect mood of panic and urgency just before the curse hits.

-”He would’ve understood.” He was begging you not to kill him! XD

-Rumple is such a little shit and I love it. Like, if Regina’s gonna come and gloat, he’s gonna make sure she doesn’t get to celebrate her victory and push every button he can while he still has the chance. And all without leaving his cell!

-I just had a thought. So, as soon as Regina says she’s going to kill baby Emma, Rumple starts talking about the hole in her heart. And Regina and her guards just BARELY miss Emma. Was Rumple stalling to ensure that Emma got away?

- @ussjellyfish, I finally get what you were talking about with Regina’s love of paperwork! Her desk more loaded with paperwork than Smash Bros is loaded with characters and death!

-”What are you feeling?” “Nothing.” The subtle honesty of that line hits me HARD!

-”A child. That can provide so much meaning.” Archie, one shouldn’t have or adopt a child in order to solely give their lives meaning.

-”I need a child, Gold and I need your help.” “Well I’m flattered, but uninterested.” “Not like THAT.” One of my FAVORITE exchanges in the series! XD

-”Well, a mother of some sort.” Even cursed, Rumple is out for fucking BLOOD! -”When you become a parent, you must put your child first.” So Rumple is cursed during this scene, but one has to wonder what exactly, if anything, is his relationship to Bae under the curse. Are they estranged or is he straight-up dead? I use the dead angle in my Golden Hook fanfic, but I’m curious to hear other thoughts.

-Fun fact: If Emma yields a sword, that sword can hurt the unhurtable in exactly the way she wants to! (See also: Season 6)

-Rumple went to fucking bank for you, Regina! Like, not a single flaw!

-Damn! Amazing acting on Lana’s part again! Like, the SECOND she sees baby Henry, she falls in love with him. The gasp, the way her eyes bulge, the softness of her form! It’s amazing!

-Gotta HAND it to Killian! His hook is really doing a good job of keeping Felix in place!

-Awww! Beverly Elliott!!! She just makes me smile!!! <3

-I love how Regina just knows that Mary Margaret is the best person to stick her baby with! <3

-”Well, as long as your plan holds together, she will.” FUCK MACHISMO ISLAND.

-Baby Henry’s reaction to Gold’s shop is EVERYONE’S initial reaction to this little shop of horrors!

-”My memory’s not what it used to be.” *Sighs* Fucking Rumple. I love you.

-”Oh you really know nothing of what I’m talking about.” I love how even when Rumple actually is cursed, even with Regina’s confidence in the opening, she doesn’t buy that it actually happened for a second.

-”Look at what motherhood has done to you.” I love how Rumple’s line (This one and the ones that preceded it) is basically praising the makeup department and Lana’s acting! That’s actually so adorable and deserved on the writer’s parts! <3

-Okay, everyone’s wash of relief upon seeing Henry wake up genuinely had me choked up. The smiles on everyone’s faces and the deep breaths and the music...I think I need a minute *Sobs into eternity*

-”Young sir.” And letting him stay in the captain’s quarters?! Killian, you fucking adorable softie!

-Okay, now THAT’S the Archie who doles out great advice!

-”A glorious curse.” Regina, I love you! XD

-”Too much pizza.” I love the implication of this line that Henry DID have pizza before his trip to New York, but it wasn’t REAL pizza. XD

-Damn, the Jolly Roger’s captain’s quarters are so fucking fancy!

-”I’m sorry it had to come to this, Henry.” No you’re not, you little bitch!

-*Neal and Rumple hug* Sorry, I think I’ve got something in my eye...TEARS! Like, that entire resolution got me choked up.

-*Pan fails at taking Henry’s heart* Yeah! Suck on that, you little bitch!

-”You raised him well.” Awww! Golden Queen contrast!

-Stupid thing to point out, but after all of that hullabaloo in “Dark Hollow,” why were we using the fucking lighter?

-”A hero, a villain, a pirate.” I love how David doesn’t classify Killian as a villain despite being fairly justified in it! Captain Charming FTW!

-”You have a dad now. Now and for forever.” I’M NOT CRYING! YOU’RE CRYING! “I’ll never leave you. Okay, buddy?” THAT JUST MADE IT WORSE!!!!! AND IT’S NOT EVEN BEING SAID TO HENRY!

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - There’s such a good feeling of payoff here! Everyone’s working together, communicating, and making risks for each other. David and Emma’s conversation towards the end of the episode about how they all accomplished this is just a testament to how far they’ve come.

Regina’s Redemption - What else is there to say? Regina’s redemption was such a big part of this episode and I already talked in length about why! Well, I guess I want to say that this arc is where Regina really takes her form. She knows she’s done bad and she’s still pretty selfish in a lot of respects, but love pushes her to new emotional heights that neither she nor the audience ever expected!

Emma Accepting Her Parents - Just look at the relief on Emma’s face when she hugs her parents who can both go home with her! <3

Rumple Finding Bae - We finally get to see a big reconciliation between Rumple and Neal! I really liked it, but that having been said, I wish there was more to it than simply “You saved Henry, now I forgive you.” Call me angsty, but that slow rebuilding of their relationship was really great. The fact that they have so far to go is part of what made “Nasty Habits” the fantastic experience that it was. To see it all over so soon after that makes me wish for more. That said, one can make a case that they haven’t fully reconciled AND that at the time they wrote this, Neal was on the chopping block and that resolution with Rumple was best off happening here for that reason.

Favorite Dynamic

Regal Believer. Who else could it be? Just...I love these two! Now, part of me feels bad because Henry plays a much more passive role in this episode than he does in other cases where Regal Believer’s won. In the past, he’s just a baby and in the present, he only has one or two scenes where he talks to anyone. But Henry’s effect on Regina just by the sheer fact that he exists is so much in and of itself. Just by being Henry, he inspires Regina to be her best self.

Writer

Christine Boylan and Daniel Thomsen come off of “Good Form” to write today’s episode! And you know that I loved it. “Solid” is the word of the day here. There’s so much that has to be resolved here and it’s paced so well that one would be surprised by all that was accomplished! Like, Henry is “saved,” Emma recruits the Lost Boys, Rumple is recovered and reconciles with Bae, we see Regina and Henry’s origins, and we see the plan to escape Neverland enacted. That’s a lot for forty four minutes! But the writing and pacing make it feel so natural and while fast-paced, never rushed.

Rating

Golden Apple. What a fantastic episode! It’s beautiful, emotional, tightly written, and has some solid character work! It’s just enjoyable as hell!

-----

I’m all caught up...with last week’s entries! Still three left to go, but I’ve got this!

Thank you all for reading and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales!

Next time, we relocate from Neverland...to The New Neverland. See you guys then!

Season 3 Total (86/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (19/60) Kalinda Vazquez (17/40) Andrew Chambliss (17/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (20/40) Robert Hull (20/40) Christine Boylan (20/20)* Daniel Thomsen (20/30)

* Indicates that their work for the season is complete

Operation Rewatch Archives

[kateanddevinreview]

London Has Fallen

In which Kate and Devin write a porno

Devin: Okay, so this movie is just Gerard Butler being a badass right? Is this the one with Denzel Washington? Or are neither of those things right.

Kate: It’s something like that.

Devin: Well, Butler showed up in the credits, but so did morgan freeman?

Kate: It’s a trifecta!!

Devin: Or maybe I'm just racist and mixed them up.

Kate: Or maybe it’s the two of them being badass together.

Devin: I made some comment the other day about minorities being underrepresented at the oscars or something and they asked what actors I think should win instead and I blanked on literally every minority actor I knew.

Kate: Hahahah. It’s still true though. And to be fair, could you name any white actors?

Devin: My brain got stuck on Tom Hardy and forgot literally every other actor on earth

Kate:I think he’s on tv now anyway. So far this movie is starting a bit slow. Do you think someone is going to be shot soon?

Devin: I find it weird that we are in....India?

Kate:  I think we’re at an Indian wedding. Terrorist’s daughter is getting married

Devin: This is set up for motive?

Kate: Probs

Devin: The Phantom of the Opera and Harvey Dent go for a jog

Kate: Why are politicians always running? I don’t think they do that much

Devin: I think cause DC? it's an easy excuse to pan around the lawn

Kate: Ok well fine, coming at me with movie reasons. Wait, is this a sequel?

Devin: Is it? Was the last one just called "London"?

Kate: I was thinking Gerald saved a president in the last one?

Devin: She has crazy eyes

Kate: She does but she’s pregnant

Devin:  I'll forgive it if we get through this movie without her vomiting.

Kate:  She’s in like her third tri already so she really shouldn’t

Devin:  Google says this is a sequel, to Olympus Has Fallen. Lots of stuff falling apparently

Kate: Knew it!!! I’ve seen that one too

Devin: Really? I'm guessing last time he saved President Harvey Dent from terrorists, wooed or impregnated his wife, and got hired for secret service or unfired from secret service

Kate: Unfired, if it’s what I’m thinking of

Devin: This time he'll save the Prime Minister from terrorists, see his kid born, and...uh. Be knighted? That's my guess

Kate: Seems like a totally logical guess to me. I’m betting he discovers the Prime Minister was murdered. I don’t think people are expected to attend state funerals?

Devin: I think it's cause his vice isn't available? I think normally this is the kind of thing they send him for. But I am basing that on episodes of Madam Secretary so who knows

Kate: New guess!! President is killed and Butler has to protect Freeman

Devin: Hmmm. Maybe. Is Freeman the Vice?

Kate: Yes. He said “Hello, Mr VP”

Devin: I'm missing like half of this dialogue, idk how

Kate: Cause it’s boring

Devin: I want splosions!

Kate: This baby melodrama music is not my favorite. Once again I feel like writing is letting us down?

Devin: Yeah. Be better hollywood!

Kate: Also important people shouldn’t just sign shit without looking at it

Devin: is this the fringe guy? No. Who is he? He's someone

Kate: I think? No?

Devin: Fringe guy is similar but different. Oh! The Magicians? Magicians teacher guy?

Kate: No, definitely not him

Devin: IMDBing....

Kate: “Most protected event on earth”= everyone will die

Devin: Yup. This cast listing order is stupid. Do we know British Gerard Butler's name?

Kate: You mean the head of the British security? Also no. Also I think they’re going to use kids?

Devin: Yes, British guy. Mr. Sands! From Limitless. Thanks wikipedia, for your superior cast list

Kate: Limitless. That’s right, I never watched much of that

Devin: I really liked the main guy and all the arts and crafts in that show. I'm sad it was cancelled. Also we should add the movie to our review list

Kate: Yes!

Devin: Splosion! I didn't think those guards were supposed to have real guns? Then again EMTs should definitely not have rocket launchers

Kate: Hahaha, yeah, those cops are definitely plants. It’s clearly a very well orchestrated attack

Devin: Pretty sure only america gives their cops guns. Also, rocket launcher

Kate: Wow I don’t care how this movie ends the world would not recover from this

Devin: Yeah Kate, it's fallen. Show. Us. The. Egg. It's not London unless I see the big glass egg and the ferris wheel

Kate: How did they know that one president wouldn’t leave on time?

Devin: Trackers? Or they caused the traffic?

Kate: No, he decided?

Devin: Motorcycles, a car's only weakness

Kate: Nice driving!

Devin: Don't injure civilians!

Kate: Ummmm, Devin. I think that ship has sailed.

Devin: He rammed the bad guy into a non bad guy car!

Kate: Oh fuck. Ok so who is the black lady? Is she the First Lady?

Devin: Voight buddy, you could have moved. He's the driver, she's the head of secret service

Kate: He was driving! It was a bullet! Give him some credit. Is she?

Devin: Yes. According to wikipedia

Kate: She’s not doing much. And she hunkered with the president?

Devin: Right? Stop flailing. Where is your gun, woman?

Kate: Oh god. That was brutal

Devin: That was very brutal

Kate: Why didn’t they park closer to the chopper?

Devin: Crashing in 3...2...oh ok nvm

Kate: Hahaha

Devin: He's got a cane so you know he's evil

Kate: So true

Devin: Moral of this movie: don't trust the handicapped

Kate: And yet, they didn’t detect a plan of this magnitude

Devin: Uh, did those people just have labels?

Kate: Yes. NSA and something else

Devin:  Like, movie? Movie. We do not care

Kate: I’m assuming it will be important later?

Devin: Why is the lady not doing anything?

Kate: Nice, flares! I like flares. Why are they flying so low anyway?

Devin: I got distracted googling the secret service

Kate: Anything pertinent to share?

Devin: Apparently the director just does the boring shit, so idk why she's even here

Kate: Ummmm, I think the movie should end here?

Devin: Yes they all died. The End

Kate: No way anyone survived that. I call bullshit

Devin: Also, I assumed presidents would have like one guy their whole time in office? But apparently they hire someone new a lot. Oh she dead.

Kate: For the secret service?

Devin: As director. Like Obama had 2

Kate: I mean, that’s four years for each

Devin: Trump has already had 2. The first guy for like 2 months? 1 month?

Kate: Well, Trump does that a lot. He’s had like 8 communication directors

Devin: I just wonder if they choose to leave or if the president purposefully swaps them out

Kate: Also working for the president is really intense, so maybe you just burn out and have to leave

Devin: Makes sense. The local biker gang is here

Kate: I don’t think bikes make that noise. That is dumb

Devin: Yes. Also no one checked the wreck

Kate: At least we know from earlier scenes they are fast runners!

Devin: This looks like he put his manifesto on youtube

Kate: What point is there in entertaining this phone call? Also why does he care about one president?

Devin: Imagine if he called before they watched the video! Like 5 minutes earlier

Kate: Right? He should take the uniform too

Devin: 

"Who is this?"

"It's...seriously? You didn't see my video?"

"h/o googling it"

"It's on youtube"

"yeah one sec, gotta sit through this 50 shade of grey trailer"

Kate: Ahhhhhhh Being hunted by motorbikes!! Oh no

Devin: Sure, that's subtle. Also this is a regular subway

Kate: I like that he was able to loot the body for weapons. Very practical

Devin: Jesus Gerard Butler. WTF? You went from zero to torture in no time

Kate: I know, little intense. Definitely running on adrenaline

Devin: This is the most 'murrican fucking movie. You cannot convince me that huge squads of racists didn't come out of this movie going "rah rah ‘murrica"

Kate: Oh god. Unfortunately yes

Devin: Although these talky bits suck. I'd rather have more fighting. Oh, thanks label, I really cared what time it was

Kate: Everyone is dead, that’s what this discussion is. I mean surrender and then ambush. How many people do they think there are? You’re not going to be professional right now? Weird

Devin: Blah blah blah. Bitch it was a wedding. Of course his family was there

Kate: How did you not know his family was there? It was a wedding. So dumb

Devin: What even is the point of that dialogue? There better be drugs in his water or something

Kate: What kind of shoddy intel are you all operating on? This is dumb. Do criticize if necessary. You have to teach them. Also off color jokes?

Devin: "You know what's most important Mike? Children. That's why we are never going to spend time with ours in any subsequent movie."

Kate: Of course it’s not your delta team.

Devin: Yeah why was that message not in code?

Kate: Zoom in!

Devin: Enhance! Your safe house has a fucking skylight!?

Kate: Seems like a pretty lame safe house. Oh this is gross

Devin: This movie is very gratuitous with its gore

Kate: It really is. And president you should not have done that. You are not almost out of this by any long shot

Devin:  There must be a porno of this where they fuck right then

Kate:  Did all of MI6 just die?

Devin: I'm not going to lie, that weird pirate porno you made us watch that one time is better than this movie

Kate: Haha! Oh pirates. Also my taste is terrible because I still enjoy this

Devin: I don't believe the hackers would make this basic of a mistake

Kate: No, me neither

Devin: Also driving seems like the quickest way to be spotted?

Kate: They kept everything under the radar but you didn’t notice this earlier?

Devin: Ok I guess at least the car is bulletproofed

Kate: How many of these terrorists are there supposed to be?

Devin: It's just the same 4 guys, they're really fast. They keep healing when they're off screen

Kate: Seems like an infinite supply. Mutants!! Also Mike is still somehow always faster

Devin: Now I want an action movie where 3/4 of the way through you realize he's been re-killing the same 5 guys over and over and surprise! it's really a fantasy/horror movie!

Kate: That would be so good. Change the whole game. I do oddly think this would make a good porno with very very little change

Devin: It's cause there's so much standing really close while breathing heavily and the plot is basically just as thin

Kate: Yeah pretty much. It’s a male romance novel

Devin: Also there have been.....5 women? in this entire movie. 6, I guess. Wife, mother, secret service director, beehive, assistant cop, MI6

Kate: Assistant cop?

Devin: Black lady?

Kate: I don’t remember her

Devin: She was in the bullpen with not!Fringe guy

Kate: Ok sure

Devin: Oh, ok, and random lady who had a text label I didn't read

Kate: There was the turning 30 woman and one lady head of state.

Devin: Still, none of these people shooting right now? There's like 20 guys in this scene!

Kate: Nope. Can’t have women in harm’s way unless they don’t have a choice. Also no lady terrorists

Devin: Only lady terrorists allowed are dead motivation ones

Kate: Also I’m subbing lady because it’s faster to type than woman

Devin: Agreed

Kate: Omg. Whispered “Mike.” Straight out of a romance novel

Devin: What? Are you ahead of me or did I miss it?

Kate: Maybe? The president whispered it

Devin: No! I must have missed the Mike whisper

Kate: He should be really tired by now. He didn’t have dinner!

Devin: "Hear that? My boyfriend is coming"

Kate: He really should just kill the president. It doesn’t make sense not to

Devin: There is so much manly eye contact and face holding

Kate: So much

Devin: Like I'm pretty sure almost this exact sequence happened in Outlander

Kate: In the porn there would be a scene where the president seduced him, Mike walked in on it, and then they have a threesome

Devin: With the bad guy?

Kate: Yup

Devin: That seems like it would be out of place plot wise. Would the bad guy turn himself in or something?

Kate: No. Just random sex that doesn’t make sense

Devin: Weird. The sex should make sense!

Kate: It’s for real a thing that happens in porn, you get whiplash. Oh god. This is lame. Really?

Devin: One punch where he runs all the way across the screen. So stupid

Kate: Did we learn who the brit mole was?

Devin: Nope. They hacked the police station I think? Damn! Wheelchair guy didn't even get to make a speech about how bad America is. This movie is not even pretending to care about America's mistakes

Kate: Why didn’t he just shoot everyone?

Devin: Out of bullets?

Kate: He hasn’t run out of guns until now

Devin: What even is this dialogue right now?

Kate: Really dumb

Devin: "You fuck with America? OH HELL NO. WE BAT SHIT. WE WILL FUCKING MURDER ALL Y'ALL."

Kate: America’s not even 500. Witty banter!

Devin: "EVEN OUR PRESIDENT WILL PICK UP A GUN FOR MURDER TIME"

Kate: Also he’s not dead because you haven’t killed him?

Devin: Yeah you just punched him a bit and talked nonsense

Kate: Once again, another thing they wouldn’t have survived.

Devin: I feel like the porno version of this has them go back to their wives at the end with lots of meaningful looks and sly smiles between the two main dudes. Like "yeah, we'll do this again next mission"

Kate:  Oh no! But yes probably. Why was there a lock in an elevator?

Devin: Is the president the only one alive from this whole thing? They would definitely make out in this elevator

Kate: I think one other world leader survived? There was a missing link to the terrorist?

Devin: I guess?

Kate: Who sent a fucking video?

Devin: Honestly this plot is stupid Yeah he's def the mole. Also he's running away? Like he obviously did it

Kate: Are we supposed to care about him or her? Because I do not

Devin: They would have had sex earlier in the porno

Kate: Yeah. It would have made more sense. Just kill him already

Devin: Also she would have just arrested him. I feel like the porno would have less murder

Kate: It’s weird that normally I complain about too much sex? But this would just be better as a porn

Devin: Yeah our review is basically "this would have made a better porno"

Kate: How would you have found him?

Devin: Who hears "look out your window" and looks up at the ceiling? Oh maybe that's what the missing link was?

Kate: Also the VP does not have the authority to call that type of strike

Devin: What is this 10 angled shot explosion? Ok, we've got a baby

Kate: So it’s been at least a few weeks

Devin: No prime minister but I didn't realize it was his funeral so I feel like the president is close enough. Now knighthood

Kate: Sure. They don’t know how emails work? Re: is for replies

Devin: "Many people would say this is our fault, but we're america so fuck those people. we'll kill those people."

Kate: “Commence spending no time with my kid”

Devin: In the porno version we end instead with a mirror of the earlier DC lawn scene, with them sitting on a bench watching their wives/kids, and the pres saying something like "still want to quit?" and Butler saying "and leave you, sir? Never." And then meaningful eye contact. Roll credits.

Kate: Hahahah

Devin: Okay, so scores

Kate: Yes. Scores.

Devin: 3/10 for the movie, 6/10 for the porno

Kate: I go a little higher movie? Like 4.5 for the movie.  6 for porno though. I think we can agree that no porn should ever rank higher than 7

Devin: Yeah. Like, even amazing porn is still porn

Kate: Ummmm tropes? So many, “family as our motivation”

Devin: “America is terrible and we never learn anything”?

Kate: Which is so hypocritical

Devin: “One man assumes command of literally every other character without argument”

Kate: Hahahaha. So like 7 on the tropes? They all fit the plot really well

Devin: Yeah, I mean it had a very particular niche and it played to it

Kate: Exactly

Devin: I'm going to give the title an 8/10. Catchy and accurate

Kate: I can agree. Thematic

Devin: London did pretty much fall. Like an old lady in a Life Alert commercial

Kate: Better than Olympus has fallen

Devin: Yeah, plus how fucking pretentious is it to call the white house "olympus"?

Kate: Exactly

Devin: What would the porn title be? I feel like they're usually puns?

Kate: Pun for sure. London may fall but our guys stay up

Devin: kind of long

Kate: It could be the tagline?

Devin: Oh yeah, good tagline. My brain gave me "Banging Private Ryan" which does not fit but is almost certainly a movie that exists

Kate: Hahahahaha. Banging president something? Whatever his name was

Devin: No idea, I called him Harvey Dent the whole movie. London Goes Down?

Kate: London laid down? Cause laid. Get it?

Devin: H/o I have to see if there is a real porn title for this. NSA people monitoring my internet searches, I'm really sorry

Kate: Gives them some spice! A story to take home

Devin: Top result for "London Has Fallen Porn Title" is:

"London Has Fallen movie condemned as racist 'terrorsploitation' "

"London Has Fallen is gun-barrel porn"

Kate: Whelp. Yep. I feel bad for enjoying it?

Devin: "London Has Fallen Is The Worst Film About Our City Ever"

Kate: Oh no it was a piece of shit for sure. Super fucking racist

Devin: “Blowing London.” That's my official submission

Kate: Nice! “Blowing London” is great. I thought you’d actually found it.

Devin: Ok, any parting words?

Kate:  It was a dumb racist movie that I feel guilty for enjoying anyway? Which means we should have more action movies made with better plots and motivation. And female representation!

Devin:  Or more action movies that are just porn

Kate:  Or that. What about you? Parting words?

Devin: If you want to see a movie where Gerard Butler brutally murders everyone, this is it. Or, you know, go watch 300, it is less awful.

Kate: So true.

[kupogames]

Here’s my write up of 2017, with a list of the most memorable stuff. Nothing catastrophic happened this year, but the dullness of everyday life has worn me down a bit. Next year I’ll try to have more fun. I shouldn’t complain, it was a good year overall, and I got a variety of stuff done.

• My favourite games this year were Doom and The Witness. Other notable games include Snake Pass, Hunie Pop, Shantae: Pirate’s Curse, The End is Nigh, The Adventure Pals, Sentry Knight Tactics, Shadow of the Colossus, Ico, Abzu, Firewatch, Everyone’s Gone to Rapture, and Tadpole Treble.

• EBF4 was included in Humble’s Overwhelmingly Positive bundle with some other great games, and sold 135K super-discounted copies. This was extremely profitable, and resulted in very little user engagement.

• Went to Malta and saw ancient ruins, towns, crazy traffic, nearby islands, caves, seaside cliffs, and all that. We went in Winter so it was quite cold and not too lively.

• Visited Finland to see Ronja’s friends and family. Stayed around Helsinki and Turku again, and had a cosy weekend at the countryside. Also went to the zoo and had a vegetarian barbeque.

• Collecting Lego is getting out of hand now. I’ve got most of the old Aquazone sets now, and my mum keeps buying me whatever stuff she finds. At this point I have enough and should just play with what I have. Also went to a big Lego event at the SECC.

• Had a good weekend at the Scottish borders with my buddies. Trying to mount a floating unicorn in a fast moving river was a laugh.

• Ronja’s health is much better now and she’s getting some of the best grades in her class at Uni. Our relationship is still full of ups and downs, but things are better than last year.

• Witnessed a burning car and helped a little in the police investigation.

• The tiny amount of Bitcoin I mined in 2013 is now worth something, and I’ve been dragged into following Bitcoin news. This may be one of the dumbest crazes ever.

• Did a bit of hill walking at Loch Lomond, Edinburgh, the Cobbler, and the Devils Pulpit. Even though I’m reasonably fit these days, I still don’t do very much hiking/walking, and found some of these very challenging. Also visited Dumbarton castle and some Scottish country parks that I’ve never seen before.

• Got a huge new TV. Probably my best purchase ever. Played a bunch of couch co-op games with friends. Some favourites include Knight Squad, Overcooked and Ultimate Chicken Horse.

• Some other notable social events include me and Ronja’s humble birthday party, our Halloween cooking party, Lindsay’s Texas-themed birthday night at the Grand Ole Opry, Neil’s wedding, a few shows at the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh, Christmas dinner with my friends, Christmas Eve with my family and dogs, and a crazy new year’s eve at Ben’s.

• Started posting EBF5 development videos on YouTube somewhat regularly, and they’re quite popular, with my channel being at over 8,000 subs now. Lots of people are interested. Definitely a better use of marketting time than using Twitter or Tumblr.

• I’ve become much less optimistic about information technology this year, and have started cutting down my usage of social media and huge tech giants that are trying to take over the world. (Looking at you Google, Facebook, Amazon…)

• Made an EBF Discord server for chatting about the games and making debugging easier. That’s at 4,000 members now, and has been a very useful way of interacting with fans.

• I read more books this year than in any other, around 20 overall. I credit this to spending less time on social media and on procrastination in general. Some notable ones were Rise of the Robots, Tribe, Brave New World, 1984, The Road to Wigan Pier, Ordinary Men, Dictator’s Handbook, and the first half of Better Angels of Our Nature.

• Dungeons and Dragons has become a consistent part of our lives. Salazar Ratkin is well on his way to becoming a powerful atheist cult leader.

• I made a Patreon page, which got a lot of support, despite me not having very much to give to my patrons yet (full world map and boss fight demos still to come).

• Made about 38% of EBF5 this year (Roughly the same as last year, maybe slightly less). As always, everything is taking longer than expected and I’m getting quite sick of working on it. But it’s also looking really good, and finishing it will be hugely satisfying (and hopefully very financially rewarding).

• Started looking to buy a house, visited a few and came close to buying one. The search continues into 2018!

[applegelstore]

So we (=my sister plays, I watch her and do other stuff besides) have finally marathoned through Tales of Berseria (only the post-game sidequests left). So here’s excerpts of my final verdict (mostly in contrast to Zesty because sorry but I can’t help it. Plus, it’s the prequel for Maotelus’ sake). Cut for massive length and very heavy spoilers, obviously! No reviews, though, just incoherent ramblings. Many, many incoherent ramblings.

-The plot is indeed kinda more exciting than Zestiria. Which isn’t particularly hard. I mean there are many reasons why I love Zestiria, but the plot (and the villains) sure aren’t one of them. The plot was kinda just… there and didn’t do any harm, but honestly I could just have watched a 200 episode show of plotless party banter and would have enjoyed it just the same. The plot in neither game makes particularly much sense, tho.

-I have a billion questions and somehow most of them concern Zaveid’s gun in both games. Like, how does it actually work? It separates fusings, but it’s the basis for the invention of the armatus? Apparently it also boosts magic? Idk. And where does it come from? Let me guess, there was that super advanced sci-fi-civilization that lived on the planet like 20 000 years ago and is now forgotten *insert dramatic music here*

-How on earth did Velvet get out of that volcano…? But as long as Morgrim is safe, I’m good.

-On that note, Velvet literally screaming WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! at the volcano made me kinda happy

-whenever she has facepalm/I’m so done/I’m surrounded by idiots moments, I feel her very much

-Despite the headscratchers, I’m totally digging the Berseria/Zestiria worldbuilding, like hell

-Sue me but I still like the Zestiria characters lightyears better than the Berseria characters. Mostly because they’re funnier, more relatable, and also because I honestly don’t like the Darker and Edgier trope. But also because the costume designs are goddamn awful, Magilou is an obnoxious pest, and it takes Eleanor far too many hours of game play to get that other people than abbey members have human rights (I ended up liking her in the end but honestly getting there was a pain). BTW yes, Velvet, Phi and Eleanor probs have more dramatic changes in personality over the course of the game than the Zesty squad combined, but can anybody explain to me what kind of character development Eizen, Rokurou and Magilou display? …Thought so. Also, no, dramatic 180° turn character development is NOT a prerequisite for good character writing in my opinion, thank you very much. I also think that mental breakdowns aren’t a prerequisite, just in case you were wondering. I’m honestly not a big fan of the Heroic B.S.O.D. trope, although there might be some exceptions where I thought it was well done. I still prefer to do without.

-At least I can tolerate Magilou and Eleanor now that the former got a backstory and the latter finally learned how not to be a dick

-Phi’s constant complaints that he doesn’t want to be treated like a child (I’ve got bad news for you sweetie, you’re TEN) do horrible things to my headcanon that he simply stays physically 10 for eternity, but don’t think I’d give up too soon

-however, I guess we can establish that he plays splatter games with a burning passion

-I am very glad that the monster doggies and the monster bird are safe and sound in the epilogue

-WHERE IS FIRE MUM

-How on earth do people defend the opinion that Berseria was less of a button smasher game than Zestiria?? Because honestly in Zestiria I never managed to win battles by doing nothing but frantically smashing X/Square/Triangle/Circle without any plan or order.

-THE BATTLE CAMERA IS SO MUCH BETTER THO I can control it freely! Oh bless the new camera. I want that so hard in Zestiria. It would help a bunch.

-the equipment upgrade and drop system is also a billion times more effective in the sense that you don’t have to carefully plan your fusings (guess who’s always too lazy to do that) and fruitlessly try to farm the drops for that for hours (guess who’s too lazy for that as well, and also helplessly underlevelled because she’s so lazy and ends up with bosses one or two hitting an armatus even on normal mode *coughs*). Bless.

-I mean the new equipment system in Berseria is basically Final Fantasy IX but for lazy noobs. There’s ups and downs to that, I guess?

-Meirchio is so goddamn pretty, I didn’t even realise that in ToZX. Guess I was distracted by how bad the trainwreck is. Anyway I love everything about this town

-Aball and its surroundings incl. Taliesin also deserve awards

-the dungeons and field areas weren’t anymore interesting than Zestiria, tho

-btw Aball=Avalon? Magical apple island and stuff? Just asking because honestly some of the Arthurian references are pretty obscurely named (it took me quite a while to get the Lastonbell=Glastonbury reference, too, trollolol. Anyone else reminded of Good old Ah! My Goddess translation sins? I mean, come on… Verdandi to Belldandy? Apparently, correctly transcribing Roman letters into Japanese script is even more difficult than Ancient Avarost)

-Morgrim, let me love you, please take all my blessings, you are purrfectly pleasantly plump and I want to cuddle you and give you kisses

-why exactly was Shigure one of the bad guys?? It still escaped me after we cut him in half, sacrificed his soul to some ancient deity, and killed his deceased, reincarnated, dragonised mum

-speaking of which, is it really clever to use the souls of your mortal enemies to revive gods that you want to be on your side!?

-anyway, screw you, Melchior, in particular

-Bienfu is a strong contender for most annoying mascot ever and I still wanted to throw him into the ocean hours into the game. I swear if I have to hear him yell BIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN just once more in my life I’m gonna punch the screen.

-I’m with Jude on the pengyons. I mean I guess killing and eating them is preferable to killing them but not eating them, but still. Everyone speaks about representation, where’s my representation? Is there a single JRPG in which at least one of the playable characters is a vegetarian?

-I was surprised how much I enjoyed the Jude and Milla cameo, cracktastic as it was. Milla was actually my favourite in Xillia, although I had and still have severe problems with her character. But here I only saw of her what I love about her, and it made me happy. You go, Milla

-The skit writing with the constant “all males are perverts”, “all women are deceitful whores” and “men and women are fundamentally different and will never understand each other or be friends unless they’re incestuous siblings” is goddamn awful, period.

-apparently if your vessel becomes malevolent even the tiniest bit (no need to go full tainted), that physically hurts your malak/seraph. I’m glad that doesn’t happen in Zesty.

-Zaveid. Buddy. I feel sorry for you. But it also kinda shocks me how fast you get over your girlfriend’s death. I also have bad news: Eizen’s little sister will still look like a 12-year-old in a 1000 years from now. I actually hope you’re NOT into that.

-btw Zaveid and Eizen jump from mortal enemies to true name basis pretty fast holy shit

-I wouldn’t have minded more Aifread’s Pirates shenigans and nobody is surprised

-I want the cracktastic enemy book back

-I want my elemental powers back. Fuck this don’t ya try to talk down my beloved Magical Dragqueen mode IT’S THE POWER OF LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE y’ignorants

-dear malak NPCs, thank you for establishing that the abbey version armatus is a sucky beta version which will be replaced with the awesome real thing in a couple of centuries, and will eventually symbolise harmony between humans and malakhim. Bonus points for carrying along the motherfucking Galahad ruins bow to drive home the point

-I’m a little too amused by the fact that the ending credit cards are a “everyone’s happy, nobody ever died, and everybody’s friends with each other” AU

-uhm, guys? Did they give Artorius’ sword to Sorey’s gay pride armatus in the anime? I didn’t like it even back then but now I hate it even more, pls no

-I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want Sorey back I want

-I know there will never be a Zestiria sequel because it didn’t sell well enough for that, but just in case: the only premise I’ll accept is “Phi, Sorey and Mikleo free Velvet from her prison and finally tear Innominat apart for good”. I don’t know how that would work without killing Velvet and Phi, but hey, I’m sure we’re gonna find a solution because it’s as JRPG and all we need is the POWER OF LOVE *dundundundun*

Everyone is happy. Also what is this “reborn Malakhim aren’t the same people they died as anymore” crap, don’t give me this heartbreak material you assholes

-is it wrong if I wanna play Zestiria after finishing Berseria? Actually, we would have gotten there far sooner if I hadn’t insisted taking breaks so I could play a few hours of Zestiria in between. Whoops.

-my sister was worried that Phi would miss his auntie Velvet very much and suggested Sorey and Mikleo should adopt him once the sweet baby slumber party is over. At this point I’m wondering whether I should give her fanfic recs to brighten her days, or whether that will cause her to forever ban me from her Playstation and refuse to cook for me ever again

-after watching the Zesty DLC, she also told me: “I don’t know what was the point of it, but Rose and Alisha were very cute.” She’s on the path to righteousness.

[xiamaras-blog]

ahoy !! because i have absolutely no self-restraint, i made a second character (i play the child that is aidan) !! in any case, here is XIA, the woman who became a pirate to avoid marriage. bare with me, this post is going to be as messy as AIDAN’S.

&&. LINDSEY MORGAN | SHE/HER | CISFEMALE —— that is XIAMARA DE LEON. the 27 year old who is a GUNNER on board poseidon’s curse. it is rumored that xia is DEBONAIR && TEMERARIOUS. while on board, xia is watching ANY FC until the ransom comes through.

ORIGINS

it’s no surprise that historically, working women only had a few EXPECTED choices marriage, prostitution, life in a convent or hard labour in farms and cities -- with an emphasis on the life of marriage and children. in fact, xia was originally forced to wed a local cuban elite, but at the age of eighteen burned his house down. let’s just say that in order to avoid charges, she faked her death. (inspired by “back from the dead red” !!)

so let’s just say NONE of those options sat well with the de leon daughter, despite the grievances of her parents. 

so of course, xia turned away from that life society and her parents created for her to become a pirate, preferring the state of war to the state of marriage.

she’s been with the poseiden’s curse, ever since and honestly would do ANYTHING for them. she comes off as this insouciant femme fatale that doesn’t give two shits but she’s not a GUNNER with an obsession for mechanics for NOTHING. like

literally like if there’s not gun powder on her face something is wrong. she loves machinery more than people tbh

PERSONALITY / HEADCANONS

xia is very much a spitfire with true feminist inclinations. she isn’t particularly VIOLENT, tho she will resort to it if needed. she can be a bit of an impulsive pirate but that only comes with curiosity.

she’s also very reticent in some ways?? she’d rather give up treasure if it meant no one seeing her cry tbh (i call her a phoenix because she kind of started from the bottom now she here)

her favorite pasttime includes sleeping with strangers (all genders) just to steal their money and precious belongings before they wake up in the morning

also just straight up stealing. she is quite the good pickpocket

likes flirting

doesn’t like dogs because she got bit by one when she was young

WANTED CONNECTIONS

i’m too tired to write out descriptions but if you need some explanations just im me!! 

pirate buddies / squad

training buddies

slow burn relationship

frenemies

childhood friends (either on the ship or someone she knew prior to becoming a pirate)

ride or die / cornerstone

drinking buddies

flirtationship

fwb / ex-hookup

sibling-like relationship (overprotective, stuff like that)

good influence

secret friendship

unlikely friendship

first love

HONESTLY anything tbh

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 3]

With some interesting carnage leading us through it, the second badge has been earned. Better yet, we got a TM for a Special Poison move, so Caspet can now be a little more secure in her help.

Team as of the moment:

Stella (Poliwhirl)

Caspet (Gastly)

Okay then.

New routes please.

Hey me.

I have been invited to Pokestar Studios. It’s like Hollywood. Roxie’s dad ran off there to be a movie star. Roxie’s now running off there to talk him out of it. We’re going to run off there and have a terrible time with movies.

I don’t know why I remember the movie place. I think there was either some achievement or plot barrier there, and I hated the process but perfectionism insisted on trying again and... idk. Hopefully that distaste won’t be part of this run.

Can I please just be allowed to catch a third party member.

Is there any grass here. Please.

Stop dragging me to movies.

Stop dragging me to terrible movies.

Like there’s clearly some Emotions going on with Roxie’s father, but oh my gosh I do not play these games for becoming a movie star. ;-; Free me. ;-;

I have control of myself again, so I don’t know if I actually have to shoot a movie, but I feel like Roxie and her dad might require me to, and in any case, one won’t hurt too badly. I guess.

Wait, was it a medal thing? Is that why I made myself nuts over this?

Movie shot, script followed, yay, leaving.

Ahoy, plot!

Sequel Team Plasma is so very open about wanting to take over the world. How refreshing. They’ve gone from knights to pirates. Most excellent.

Pop Roxie is back to captaining, so it’s time to run off to Castelia and find another darn teammate.

And our first act of being in Castelia is a clown giving us a bicycle. Rocking.

A boat takes us to Liberty Garden. I think this is where Victini is if Victini is activated, but I’m not sure if that will be the case with this version. The important question is... does it also have other grass.

Fuckdamn it doesn’t.

Yay, entering random buildings in Castelia gave me an Exp. Share.

In keeping with me doing stupid things, I go to the Game Freak building and chat up some of the trainers who are not nearly as strong as they are post-game, thank goodness.

I really.

Really.

Would like.

More than two pokemon in my party.

I also finally gave in and talked to the medal guy in the Pokemon Center.

My achievement hunting tendencies are going to be the largest obstacle between me and any progress ever.

-whispers-

I want all of them.

Other conversations gave me an Eviolite, so that goes to Stella. ...Wait, no, Caspet. Uggggggh.

Burgh is missing from his Gym, which is fine, since I don’t think I’m ready for another round. I’m just walking around trying to check off whatever plot stuff I can that will let me catch something else.

Oh hey, I think talking to Iris opens up the sewers! I think that means I can catch something down there! !!!!

Pleeeeeease give me something.

Please, ominous guise of darkness.

Oh no.

Russell’s partnering with us, so. Uh. What’s the rule for this? I have to catch the first thing I see, but as long as I’m in a duo, I won’t be able to throw a ball very easily...

Fuuuuuuck.

Okay. We took out Panpour.

I have the ability to throw a ball, which means.

This is my catch option for the route.

Haaaa. And Russell’s Dewott is using Fury Cutter. Its damage will keep going up. I think I have two tries to catch it.

Yeehaw.

Try one is a bust.

Oh hey that’s neat! The Dewott used Razor Shell on Stella, because Stella has Water Absorb and had taken damage! That’s smarter than I expected from the partner AI.

And that means I can spare a turn or two trying to put Serperior to sleep. Since Stella still has Hypnosis.

Yo, it hit! And Dewott heals me again!

But. I need Serperior to be more damaged. I shouldn’t risk attacking. ...I’ll just keep throwing balls and wait for Dewott to hurt it a little more.

HECK YEAH WHO’S DA MAN.

Hot damn that was stressful.

Now I gotta give this girl a name.

Sylarana, wanna rock?

Also, now having Russell with me is a good thing, because this squad could use some levels.

What are you like, Syl?

She’s Careful and proud of her power.

Yeah, pride looks good on that sprite.

I don’t know what Serperior’s stats are with a neutral nature. That takes some stress off, since I’ll just go with the flow, but I prefer to know what I’m getting into, usually. Either way, Defense is stronger than Attack, and that’s just fine.

Female Nidoran are down here, too.

This is working out well enough. Yay for buddy healing. I almost don’t want it to ever end. It’s so convenient.

I shouldn’t do this forever, though. That would get boring fast.

My starter breathing. Also cool pirate outfits in Pokemon Go.

Mooks dispatched.

Gym Leader located!

Look at Burgh being all artsy with his tour of the sewers.

Huh, and Russell just hands us Strength. Because all our pals are true bros in this gen.

Then a dude with anime hair walks out of the hole in the wall.

YO NEW ROUTE.

‘ello there.

...I am possibly not going to be able to catch you due to lack of poke balls and you being remarkably stubborn.

Hey, there we go!

What to name you... what to name you... A magnificent sea serpent with a rainbow tail...

Nessy!

Without Russell healing us every fight, we can’t stick around. Back out of the sewers we go, to receive happy words from Iris. Well. Sort of happy words. She worries about Russell and tells us to challenge the Gym.

I, being a compliant sort, walk back into the sewers after healing.

Okay I guess it’s a cave. Sylarana out front, Nessy with Exp. Share while I contemplate what the heck this team does against a Bug Gym.

Ooooh, Forretress.

...

Is. is there anywhere I can go that can pave the way to me getting a Fire pokemon?

You know what, I don’t like things that blow themselves up at me. Guh, this is taking forever. I might need to buy a few Repels just so I can explore the cave properly... I believe there’s grass somewhere past the sewers, and if I could have a slightly more diverse team going into the next whatever, I’d like it.

Oh, and before I forget, Nessy!

She is Quirky and mischievous. She and Stella have half their personalities in common. Delightful. Marvel Scale is also a neat ability to have. Not one I can utilize properly because I’m a competitive failure, but still cool.

Neat, there’s Pidgeot down here.

Looks like there’s not much of the cave to explore at this point in the game. Ah well. Back to the sewers.

Hm. Would the desert north of Castelia be open to me yet? That could prove useful. Heck, is anywhere outside of this city open? I just need a little patch of grass somewhere new.

Bridge still being inspected.

A wild Bianca appears!

Dowsing Machine get!

Hello, this is new.

But there’s still spots of desert.

OH MY GOSH LOOK AT IT.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh.

Caught!

Your new name is Itsy, and you are much beloved!

Itsy is Modest and somewhat vain, and ouch that is not a nature I think I like for this little one, but adorableness beats everything, so we’re good.

Butterfree is also in the desert. Oooo Pawniard. Back to the sewers, though. Easier training fodder.

Grass located!

...And if I were a better trainer, I would go back and buy poke balls before exploring, but I have the impulse control of a toddler. Oh, and it’s dark grass vs. light grass...

Decision will be made by rapidly running between the two and seeing what triggers an encounter first.

Dark grass it is!

Aaaaaaaa fuck off.

I love Lapras so much. So so so so so so so so much. But I have two Water pokemon already, as well as an Ice one. I. can’t focus on catching the Lapras. It would be a bad idea.

You have never seen anyone so sad to encounter a Dratini during a Nuzlocke.

The wild Lapras fainted.

Oh fucking hell the Dratini knows Dragon Rage and both my pokemon are under 40 HP. Caspet’s turn on healing Caspet, Sylarana’s turn on getting her out of there.

Okay. Confused and slept.

Now I just. catch it. With four poke balls and two great balls left.

...Three poke balls, and guess who woke up.

Great ball. C’mon great ball.

..One great ball left.

Also if Dratini hurts itself in confusion one more time it is dead.

FORTUNE SMILES ON THE CRIMINALLY STUPID.

Now let’s run everyone back through the sewers and--

Did. did I really hit the no nickname option.

Ffs.

Okay, run back through the sewers, hit the Pokemon Center, and then name the critter. The Name Rater’s somewhere in the city, I think.

Heh. The guy in the alleyway still gives us Flash.

Congratulations, Puff! You are now eligible for activity!

Puff is Quiet and alert to sounds. An adorable addition to our squad. He’s going to be temporarily up front thanks to Dragon Rage. The Game Freak fights are once a day, and it’s been a day, so!

I believe in you, Puff!

Dragon Rage is so op this early. Dreamor agrees. But Puff’s ours, so that makes it okay.

Hm. I have six now. They could keep each other out of trouble.

There are so many areas in these sewers I can’t get to. Or maybe I can, it just involves more maze work than I’m expecting. ...Yeah, it’s looking like that side. Hey, a nurse guy! Yay for less walking up to the Pokemon Center.

Oh, and Poison... might be super effective against Bug? I think the whatsit thing he has is Bug/Grass, so that isn’t actually much of a confirmation. Eh, I’ll find out soon enough.

I’ve found a room full of Zweilous. That’s a safe grinding area, right? Itsy’s got Ice and everything. Vullaby and Dwebble are also here.

Heeeeeey, Caspet’s evolving!

And wants to learn another physical Ghost move.

Bye Lick.

Okay, Gym it is.

...Wow Burgh. Really went full Art on the place, huh? Did trainers complain that you were forcing them to walk through honey before letting them fight you?

Puff’s up first. I don’t have much type advantage here, so it’s just going to be hitting things until they break.

Burgh.

Hey Burgh.

This Gym is creepy.

The cocoons just suck you in and zoom you up. Only think Willy Wonka style.

Mooks have level 20s, so this should be a little uncomfortable for a few of the younger members, but Caspet, Stella, and Sylarana should be fine. For now, Puff’s still in front and Dragon Raging all the things.

And we’re going to the Pokemon Center after every fight, but hey. Baby steps in all things. Puff is on one of the slower exp tracks, so every little bit helps.

...Burgh. Buddy.

You want to talk?

This Gym feels like a cry for help.

In true shounen protagonist style, I will settle your troubled emotions through battle! Even if none of the dialogue will admit to how concerning the aesthetics of your chosen arena are!

Everything is hitting critical hits.

...Oh wait, I’m supposed to narrate these fights, aren’t I?

Uh. Swadloon down, Dwebble down, Leavanny left, Leavanny’s level 24. Caspet’s out to deal with it after Puff handled Swadloon and Nessy handled Dwebble.

Caspet one-shots it like a champ, and on we go.

Burgh, this trinket in no way makes me less concerned for you.

Still, though! Everyone’s alive, and we have a team full of six! Nice work, ladies and Puff. Five more badges to go! Let’s hope they go well!

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 6]

With a great deal of things not going well, we reach the sixth part of this adventure. Who do we still have to work with?

Nessy (Milotic)

Caspet (Gengar)

Vertex (Luxray)

Diego (Gardevoir)

See, we’re fine.

Absolutely fine.

Why is this gen so enthusiastic about interrupting my post-gym walk to the Pokemon Center? Clay talks to Russell about the World Tournament, which I don’t think I have any reason to participate in. I might check it out in case people are dropping items places, but I don’t think there’s anything in it for me. I don’t think I even played it when I wasn’t doing Nuzlocke stuff.

Dang it, I was going to be excited about a new route, but this is the other end of Relic Passage, where we picked up Nessy.

Um no.

Clay, I know you mean well, or at least not badly, but. no? I don’t need to be locked into a tournament thing where the AI hates me. Come on. Just let me gallivant off into the sunset. Don’t make me fight. ;-;

(Also hi Cheren.)

Hm. It looks like I might be allowed to get out of this.

The question is if that’s an illusion or not.

Oh what the heck, let’s be stupid.

The sad thing is that even if I lose, I still have my designated survivors left.

It’s going to be fine.

Oh his Dewott is level 25.

This might actually be fine.

It was! Yay! Yay for overleveled pokemon saving me! Yay for Caspet!

I assume this ends with me facing Colress?

Good, Cheren’s stuck with level 25s too. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with that. If they’re all stuck at that, this should be okay.

Then again, his second pokemon is a Watchdog.

Hiss.

But it works out, and now I suppose it’s time for Colress. Whose role in the plot I can’t remember for the life of me, even after he showed up in Ultra Sun.

Still 25s, but the first thing out is a Magneton. Steel is a pain. And now Caspet is paralyzed. And confused. Yet still winning, because Caspet is our eternal hero.

Okay, tournament over, and before we can be relieved about that, a Pirate Plasma grunt runs by our little squad of main characters, and Russell and Cheren speed away as Colress expresses confusion at their recklessness.

Cool. I guess I’ll be following them, then.

In a sec.

We’re on a boat.

We’re fighting pirates on a boat.

They poisoned Diego.

Because Diego’s in front and his only attacking move is Magical Leaf.

One Pokemon Center visit later, we handle the rest of the Plasma Pirates, and then the Shadow Triad teleports us off the ship and Russell is all “why I oughta.”

I guess the plot section is done for now, so I’m going to explore the other side of Relic Passage. Where Skarmory lurks. Oooh, and Wartortle in the dust clouds. Wingull is also here. Hi Kakuna.

I don’t have Strength and don’t remember if I’m supposed to at this point. Given my pokemon, if I could use it, I wouldn’t want to replace a slot on anyone, but it would be nice to know. This is why taking months off in the middle of a run doesn’t work out well.

Aww, hi Charmander. And Shelmet.

Yeah, there’s a door I can’t get to without Strength, so I guess the Relic Passage adventure will be cut slightly short.

Can NPCs be banned from having Watchdog?

I guess I’ll start marching back to Chargestone. Diego up front in the hopes that he’ll soon learn something besides Magical Leaf.

This is why the games have you catching pokemon at the levels they do. If you catch them in the wrong spot of their development, it can be really, really awkward.

The plot is never over in this gen.

Oh, he gives us Surf so we can investigate radical temperature drops around the region. Because he doesn’t like the cold. Cheren, you big baby.

But Surf! Nessy, you’ve got yourself a new move!

Aw dang it. One of the scientists offers me a Deerling. Sorry my friend, I only play with the randomized options.

Ah, and I do have Strength. Oh well, not using it.

Gesundheit.

Oh hi Suicune 2.0. I have no interest in catching you. Scoot.

Dang it, the water has Dewott.

For the manyeth time, I regret that I should only ever use the Randomizer in Nuzlockes. I would not have the self-control to ever focus on my team if I had the freedom to catch whatever I wanted. The squad would change up every single badge. It would be ridiculous and takes two hundred hours.

But Dewott.

But new route! What do you have for me, cave of darkness that I don’t care to explore because I really can’t stand it being this dark?

BITCHING.

Heck, how do I catch this.

I don’t have Quick Balls yet.

Ummm.

Well. I think it’s safe to say that Magical Leaf won’t kill it. Right? Right.

Magical Leaf does as close to nothing as it can without being Splash.

And it knows Crunch, so Diego, let’s. get you out. Vertex, buddy, you’re up.

!

Spark paralyzed Rayquaza! Good boy, Vertex.

Now I pretty much have to risk a Bite.

Vertex.

Please do not get a crit. Crits are for fighting, not catching.

Good boy!

Now comes the endless catching. I have one Ultra Ball, and more than twenty Poke Balls and Great Balls each. Rayquaza’s in the red and paralyzed. This should be okay. Unless it knows something horrific that isn’t Crunch.

Ultra Ball fail. Twister. Twister is fine.

Luxury Ball doesn’t even get a roll. Same for round two. Last one gets a roll, but only one. So. Poke Ball and Great Ball spam it is.

Several turns later, no one’s dead and nothing’s caught.

Several turns later, same.

Down to single digit Great Balls.

HA. GUESS WHO WINS THIS ROUND.

...

Does.

Does its pokedex entry really say Sky High Pokemon?

That is perfect.

Names, though. It needs a name. The only character name I can remember from Sky High is Warren’s, and I don’t want to name Rayquaza Warren. Sooo. Names.

Superhero has to be the theme, but what heroes do I actually like that can fly... and aren’t too obvious, sorry Clark. Hmmmm. Oh, got it. This isn’t one I’m familiar with, but after seeing Captain Marvel, gotta go with topical and fun.

Welcome to the team, Photon!

I hope I don’t kill you like I’ve killed all my legendaries before!

And now the journey of getting Diego a useful move continues.

Oh, wait, I’m sorry Photon. I forgot to introduce you properly.

Photon is Timid and very finicky. Cute. Your Speed shall be appreciate for hours to come, hopefully.

Neat, there’s Lampent the next level down. ...Less neat, it burned Vertex. I really need to get into the habit of buying recovery items when I’m in a Center. I’m going to put on a Max Repel and wait to find someone down here who hopefully likes healing wayfaring trainers.

Yay, a doctor to battle!

More games should have you fight a doctor into giving you free medical care.

Pansear is also in the lower levels.

Duuuude, and Fraxure! Hello favorite Dragon line! Hello!

The Ace Trainers in this cave think Triple Battles are cool. I guess this is technically a Rotation Battle that I’m doing now, but in any case, I don’t care for the added stress of two more pokemon to deal with in a Nuzlocke. Scary.

NESSY NO.

I should maybe leave the cave.

...What’s a Ferrothorn doing down here? That isn’t a randomized happening. :(

There, Armaldo and Aipom. Way better.

Trainers are currently averaging one critical hit per fight. This is too many and I do not care for it.

But I have made it out of the cave, so now I can buy pertinent stuff and maybe wander into a new route. Maybe even find a better place to train Diego? Who still only has Magical Leaf? Maybe?

Such a useful tool. Sadly, I think I want to hold on to it until the plot forces me into a legendary battle. I would love to just use it on the next thing I see. Heck, maybe I will anyway.

New route time! Is it time to have a full party of six again?

Hello there. Are we friends?

...No, Amnesia + Ingrain plus a bunch of Poke Balls lost is too much of an investment. Dead route. ...Probably influenced by me catching a Lileep last time. Oh well. Still five.

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I fucked up. I thought. Oh fuck. Oh no.

-whimpering noises-

I screwed up. I screwed up. I’m so used to just clicking through the attacks and I saw that Surf would affect everything because it’s a proper Triple instead of a Rotation, and the second that registered, I was already clicking through, and Nessy is last in the lineup and.

If the Ducklett does anything to Caspet, Caspet dies.

I don’t want to hit the play button.

I’m surprised Caspet even survived the hit.

I don’t want to see what happens next.

-hits play-

THE DUCK ATTACKED VERTEX WE’RE SAVED.

Oh my gosh Caspet. Oh my gosh you’re alive. I am so sorry. So, so sorry. That never should have happened. That was entirely my bad. All on me.

Geez I need to start paying more attention.

Oh hi Azelf. What are you doing in here. Why couldn’t I find you first this route.

Photon learns Air Slash before Diego learns a Psychic attack, news at 11.

Apparently this one spot on whatever this route is (-scrolls up- 7) some kind of magnet for calls. Hi mother figure of the game, why is it you are paying me attention? I am an adult ten-year-old.

Wait, I’m sorry, what? Our mother had a canon job?

She was a Pokemon Center receptionist.

...

She had a job?

What sort of fictional mother is this???

Hi death memorial tower, I’m here to complete my party.

And get the Lucky Egg from Professor Juniper.

Thanks for always giving me stuff.

Heeeeeey. Hi you. Wanna be best friends?

Hey I have a question. Why do Net Balls not have a note about working well against Flying pokemon? I feel like some part of that is in error.

Please get in the Poke Ball.

Or the Great Ball, if you insist.

Your health is red. Why are you like this.

There we go!

I dub you Cerberus.

The wiggly grass outside is Cranidos. Neat. And hi random Volbeat.

Howdy Cerberus. You are Adamant and thoroughly cunning. A solid addition to the team. Dodrio is one of those pokemon I never had a reason to add to my team by the time I found a Doduo in the games it’s available. But Dodrio and Tri Attack and Drill Peck is just so cool. I hope Cerberus gets to stay.

Aw, Marshal took his mentor’s place stopping us from going into the mountain before we’re supposed to.

Geez, the dark grass out here has Volcarona and Exploud. I think this might be where I want to grind. Because I still want Diego to have a move besides Magical Leaf. Axew is also here.

lol I found the TM for X-Scissor. Pour one out for Boruto.

Back to the death tower we go. Where a trainer has a level 36 Musharna whose Hypnosis doesn’t have the decency to miss.

Diego is level 39.

Magical Leaf is still his strongest attack.

Hey, Lumineon is on this level. Diego, you have a use!

There’s also Elekid. I wish I had an Elekid. Elekid is amazing.

HALLELUJAH.

This next floor has Treecko.

The floor after that is the roof, not a floor, and first up is Croagunk. Followed by Glailie, nice. But I’m not going to hang around and find out if there’s anything else. I rang the bell, mild feelings were had, and now I get to figure out if I am going straight to the gym or training some more.

Lumineon does make for very easy training.

It’s on the floor right next to the nurse.

I’ll do a little of that. Let Vertex muscle up before his moment in the sun.

Huh, Granbull’s on this floor too. I almost thought Daffy, then my brain caught up with what was going on.

Vertex is at 40, so Photon you help out Cerberus.

Or not, this is boring. I’m just going to try out the Gym.

Extra much, Skyla?

Random Gym Mook has a level 37 Swoobat.

Had.

Vertex ate it.

This is closer in level than I really like for Nuzlockes, but it is a Flying Gym. It should be okay, even with the cursed Unfezant awaiting us.

I really don’t care for this Gym redesign. I don’t mind Gyms giving you a puzzle to work on, but this is just gusts of wind that make you hide behind things periodically. It’s not difficult or thought provoking. Just mandated slowness.

It also doesn’t involve cannons. Major, major downgrade.

If I win you have to change your Gym. That’s the rule.

Level 37 Swoobat. It seduces Vertex. Vertex elects to not attack his new love. Twice. Then Heart Stamp makes him flinch. Twice. Then Vertex is still in love. Again.

...

Vertex.

She is going to kill you.

I have to send Nessy out now. Oh look, one Surf finished it.

Unfortunately, the next thing up is a level 39 Swanna. The 4x effectiveness is worth using a turn up on healing. That’s settled, and Vertex is down to 67 HP to face... a Skarmory? Huh. Okay. Level 37. I think I’ll let Vertex have a shot for a turn, but if it goes as badly as it might, Nessy will probably be called in.

Hm. Agility, Steel Wing, and Vertex can win with one more hit of Spark.

Skyla’s probably going to heal, but oh well, give it a try bud.

Cue Hyper Potion, yeah. But Skarmory is paralyzed, and potions don’t cure that, so I’ll take it.

Coolio, that’s a victory.

Badge number six, a full team, and no deaths.

Phew.