#but also i think they really toned down the disapproval from companions on full release. or at least it feels that way

[vampkermits]

surprised at how easy it is to befriend everybody in bg3 full release?? i would always get to the end of early access with like straight neutral approval except maybe Wyll or Gale but like so far I have had 2 propositions Shadowheart said I'm the best person she knows and everyone but Karlach has at least "fair" approval. anyways. i guess caro can get it

[cloudbattrolls]

Just Come Home

Ullane Wistim || Crown Clinic || Some Nights Prior

At first everything had gone on as close to usual as it could. She’d taught Cheran to do a few of Thrixe’s duties, let Friday handle more of the lab work despite her anxieties (it had gone surprisingly well, if anything she was a bit jealous of the bee-fly troll’s efficiency), and changed the clinic’s listing to temporarily only accepting emergency cases.

Queenpin was right about needing more staff. The robots could only pick up so much slack, and given she and Thrixe were also expected to take care of local company interests outside the clinic, things were getting stretched - and she didn’t want to overwork her employees. Friday might be troublesome at times, but she deserved rest as much as anyone else, and Cheran couldn’t be pressed too hard given the limitations of his leg. She didn’t mind paying them for overtime, but obviously they had limits.

She’d hit more of her own than she cared to admit lately. 

Cheran’s frown had become a frequent companion, and she had sighed and made herself stop - briefly - to drink and eat and stretch when his silent disapproval was aimed her way. In return, she had encouraged him to take breaks - though she knew by now that he slept in hibernation mode or not at all, odd man.

She was at the reception desk catching up on medical records and medication inventory when the door bell jingled and it opened. She looked up -

And startled.

He wore a violet shirt with gold trim, and black pants. His glowspots were brighter than usual, their light visible even from several feet away.

He didn’t have his gloves on.

She stared at his naked hands, not even caring how obvious she was being. He’d even painted his claws jade - when had that happened? Recently? Or was she only seeing it now?

Was she only seeing him now?

He looked…normal. Thrixe looked disconcertingly normal, not like her bodyguard at all. Not like a man who had just become an abomination.

The seadweller coughed and she snapped back to reality.

“Hi.” He said, hands now in his pockets. He looked as awkward as she felt.

“Hello.” She said slowly, standing up and walking out from behind the desk. Her ears flicked, and his fins fluttered.

“Queenpin said you went full horrorterror.”

She couldn’t help it. The words bubbled out of her like water from a fountain, and she winced as she saw him recoil, then sigh.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He said firmly. “You’re not going to make me, no matter what. I don’t care if you have questions, I’m - I’m not one of your indigobirds or your spiders, I’m not a construct for you to pick apart and put back together when you’re done with me.

Akalimiya made me realize, and when I got put in jail - when I got chained up - at least they had a reason. At least I’d actually done something wrong! Not that I wanted to, did she tell you that? Did Queenpin bother? Does she even know or care why it happened or is she just like you?”

Ullane took a shuddering breath. She put a hand on the desk for support. She made herself look into his eyes, his angry violet eyes full of hurt and spite and wondering why, why, why?

“I’m sorry, Thrixe.”

He blinked, his fins pinning back.

“You never call me that.”

“I never wanted to.” The mediculler admitted. “I wanted…I made bad choices. Shouldn’t have let her do that to you. I shouldn’t have done those things to you.”

“And?” He said, surprise becoming disdain as his eyebrows arched, arms crossed.

She gritted her teeth. Was he really going to drag this out? Then she felt like ID. No. She wouldn’t be like the other yellowblood, unable to admit when she’d done wrong, giving a half-baked weak-willed apology at best. She was better than that.

“And it was wrong because - because I was wrong about you. Turning into a horrorterror wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for me. I let Akalimiya hurt you. Treated you like a bomb waiting to go off, can only blame myself when you did. I hurt you in little ways…hundreds of times, thousands, because I was afraid of you. I’m right to be afraid. But can’t keep treating you this way. Fear…fear’s not an excuse.”

Her voice rasped, unused to speaking so much at one time. She trembled, wishing her lusus was here so he could comfort her. She brushed the thought away - she had to face this herself, just as Thrixe had had to face everything himself.

The basket star troll was silent, his face unreadable aside from the barest twitching of his fin tips as he studied her.

“You mean it.” He said after a long pause, his voice resigned. She felt a brief flare of exasperation; of course she meant it! She’d been nothing but honest.

“All the times you treated people with respect or compassion or at least some mercy, even when we were extorting or sabotaging them. All the hits I took for you. All that time you only said thank you like it hurt. Like you couldn’t believe you had to say it. Don’t I look troll enough, Ullane? Don’t I act troll enough?”

His voice was angry but it cracked and the desperation flowed through, the begging of a man trying to chase something he wasn’t sure he could find, or if he did that it might vanish, slipping through his fingers like sand.

“Not when you use your powers.” She said quietly. “Not when you grew tendrils to force people back or snap their necks, not when you regrew your limbs or your brain like you did that night. You’re so much stronger than me, Thrixe, so powerful. Sometimes I catch you looking at something I can’t see, or tilting your head like you’re listening to things I can never hear.”

His gaze flicked to the side, fins going down slightly.

“Yes, I’m strange in some ways.” He admitted the words like they were painful, clawing their way up his throat. “Aren’t we all? Is it my fault I was hatched this way? I hate it as much as you do. They offered to take it away from me, you know. But when they started it hurt like nothing I can describe. I screamed to stop. I know it would have killed me.”

Ullane opened and closed her mouth, her tongue dry. What did she say? What could she say?

“Thrixe.” She whispered. Using his first name still felt strange on her tongue. Varzim, always she called him Varzim to keep that distance between them. Employee and boss. A tool and its user, nothing more.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

He laughed, short and sharp and humorless. “Didn’t I? Or do you just say that because I’d be no use to you anymore without it?”

She flinched.

“I guess I can’t blame you.” He murmured, toying with the end of his braid. “I wouldn’t be any use without it. You don’t need an artist, or a star watcher. You need medical serums and protection. That’s just how the world is.”

“Yes, things’re harsh.” She admitted. “I need you…but I don’t want you to suffer like that. You’re not just your regeneration. I’m not just my psi.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Queenpin wouldn’t have any use for you without it.”

“Queenpin can go to hell.” She spat the words without thinking and Thrixe’s fins fluttered in alarm.

“What? What did she say to you? What happened?”

The concern in his voice choked her up with guilt.

“Nothing.” She said. “Nothing I can talk about. I want to. But you know her.” The yellowblood waved her hands helplessly.

Thrixe studied her again, but nodded, his face much less hostile now. He even showed a trace of sympathy in the twist of his lips, the angle of his fins.

What good would it do to tell him? She didn’t know details. She didn’t know anything, and she wouldn’t until it was too late to help him.

Help him. Yes. She owed him a debt, she realized.

It was terrible to owe someone a debt - even if they didn’t expect to collect it from you. Especially when she had no idea what she was going to do.

“I’m sleeping in the lounge, if you don’t mind.” He said, his tone making it clear he didn’t much care if she did mind, but he still paused after taking a few steps, looking back at her as if for approval. His bare hands were still such an odd sight, his new clothes also jarring.

She nodded.

“Rest. There’s sopor patches. Won’t wake you, nothing urgent tomorrow.”

Nothing urgent she couldn’t handle herself.

He nodded back and walked down the hallway to the lounge, shutting the door behind him. She heard it click distantly.

She let out a long breath, moving her shoulders up and down to try and release some of their tension. Her tail was practically rigid, and she played with its tuft in her fingers, trying to loosen it up.

At least he was back. She had another chance.

She didn’t intend to waste it.

[aerlths]

fourth rank. tseng

request: would like to request a tseng imagine where he finds out his S/o is pregnant probably back to the accounts of what they did in the office/home in your last fic and Elena being jealous of S/o tries to upset her as much as possible but tseng making sure what belongs to him but he happy to have a child with his s/o. Also can we get supportive uncles rufus, rude & Reno please.

previous imagine referenced (you don’t need to read that one, they’re independent works)

[reminder that requests are open for headcanons, imagines or fake text messages, all characters and pairings.]

word count: 3704

You hid the pearl white object between your palms, staring straight ahead at the dark cherry wood of the cubicle’s door. Shinra’s bathroom wasn’t quite the place where you’d idealized such a moment, but as you’d moved in with Tseng a month back, it was the only viable option. Your knee began moving on its own accord, up and down in a rhythm that resembled your rapid heartbeat.

The passing of those unbearably slow couple of minutes was announced with a light beep – a new model designed for discreetness while reassuring it had done its job. You took a second longer, just one, and turned the test in your hand to see ‘8 weeks pregnant’ written in bold letters.

“Fuck,” it left your parted lips before the magnitude of this new reality had even begun settling in.

You instinctively reached for your stomach, fingertips circling in a soft caress, as if to reassure this new life that you knew they were there, that mom was here. Fuck, mom. You were going to be a mom. And Tseng would be a dad - the two of you would be building a family? The thought of your fiancé coddling a small bundle immediately brought you to tears, and you had to bury your face in your hands to muffle the sounds of joy that escaped your throat.

Leaving that small stall you’d been sitting on for most of your lunch break proved to be a much more difficult task than it had been coming in. Your reflection clearly denounced that something had happened, and you could only pray that no one was to come in while you blew your nose and fixed your makeup.

When you finally walked out, you were met with a long-haired man leaning against the wall by the bathroom. You practically jumped at the sight of him, like a cat caught nipping at the fish. By the preoccupied look he threw you, it didn’t slip by unnoticed.

“Are you alright, love?” He asked in a cautiously low tone, and you couldn’t help the way your heart dropped in his presence. The little object buried within your suit jacket surely explained the overwhelming adoration you’d been feeling for him lately – you could tell daddy would be the favorite.

You considered him, leaving his comfort zone to approach you at work, and offered him a smile. “I am, shouldn’t I be?”

“You were in there for a while,” he gestured towards the ladies’ room behind you, “I was worried something might have happened.”

God, it would take immense willpower not to immediately blurt everything at him. You made an attempt at striking up a pose. “I was doing my makeup! You know I like to look good when we do field work.”

Tseng scrunched his nose and eyed you, searching. You felt yourself heat under his gaze, never quite getting used to the intensity of those eyes. “I don’t believe you. We’ll talk later.”

He’d caught you but didn’t seem the slightest upset. Instead, you were blessed with a brief kiss to your temple, the sweetness of it melting at your core. He guided you through the small of your back along the corridor, only inching away from you when you arrived at the office’s entrance.

The thought that graced your mind when he left for his desk in the adjacent room made you flush from head to toe, and you had to quickly turn away from him to avoid any questions. Eight weeks, the test had said. Six weeks dated back to a particular night in this very office, or perhaps its follow-up only a mere hours later. Six weeks in which he subtly eased your presence into his work life, where he slowly released his stoic façade to meet you in a healthier in-between.

You hadn’t had much time to think of just how you would reveal the news to him, but you instantly knew that you wanted to make him feel. For a brief moment the idea of requesting his friend’s help to surprise him crossed your mind, but you scratched that – you want him to be the first one to tell, and, figures, walls have ears and Elena does too. The last thing you wanted was her finding out this early, and your raging hormones would most likely have you clawing at her face or blowing up that annoying little smirk.

Breathing deeply to avoid feeding the thought, you searched for your two companions for the day’s mission – Reno and Rude. Tseng was to stay behind signing off some paperwork, and you would be exceptionally supervised by none other than the vice-president himself, Rufus Shinra.

No one knew exactly why he was involving himself in this case. Despite its importance, it was an extremely rare occasion to have him take even a smidge of interest in your activities. Some had speculated that he was planning to raise the position of one more Turk, but you doubted it – most likely, he had a personal connection to the group of men you were investigating.

And so, as cheerful as you had never been in the years you’ve served the company, the four of you arrived at the scene. Reno was tapping his nightstick against his shoulder, as if doing so enlightened him in some way, and you could see Rufus side-eyeing him, not maliciously, but with curiosity. He was about to go further ahead when you halted him with a raise of your arm.

“Wait,” you warned, and touched the yellow materia tucked within your wristband. When you felt no response from the sense command, you lowered down your arm. “Now it’s clear.”

Rude chuckled behind you, and you heard a chirp bark of something along the lines of ‘that’s tsengs girl’ from the fiery redhead already marching ahead. You proceeded with caution through the dark tunnel, fully aware that there was something very important that needed protection. Your fight style, though, was almost exclusively based on your powerful materia usage, as you had a particular endurance and skill for handling magic attacks than most. This meant that you could engage in a battle from a safe distance, and that you could just as easily cast a barrier upon yourself.

He probably won’t allow me to do missions like this once he finds out, though, were the words that found themselves into your head. Nevermind that, you continued on the second highest ranking turk’s heel, fingertips lingering around the green orb at your hip, just in case.

“Fuck!” You heard, and that was the catalyst to lead you all into a chase.

Reno, having mastered his impressive speed materia, was already way ahead, and in what turned out to be a very unsatisfying short-lived action moment, caught up to the runaway. He hit him right across the chest, harshly, and in the blink of an eye Rude had him secured, arms behind his back.

You remained in place, wary of the easiness with which you’d found this man. You’d been looking for an old Turk, a runway that had resurfaced with the threat of spilling all the dirty little secrets he’d learned while on the job, and the three of you – three of the very best – had been sent to take him down. Would someone who was fully aware of the risks and yet still provoked Shinra be this weak?

Just as you’d suspected, there was only the warning of rustling behind one of the pillars before something was shot in your direction. Without a thought, you cast Barrier on the Vice-president, knowing you should first and foremost protect him. Before you could shield yourself, however, a man came flying towards you, delivering a blow right in the middle of your chest. One of your hands came to instinctively meet your stomach as you fell to the ground, while the other reached for the metal staff that was shrunk in your pocket. As you pulled the object out, it extended to its full, massive length, and shone a silver-ish light around your body.

Beside you, Rufus was surrounded by the same protection, his pistol in hand prepared to shoot at the figure hiding once again. He looked over to you, blue eyes lingering a moment too long on your middle area, and back ahead. Reno and Rude rushed over two your side, and they too exchanged a suspicious glance, but said nothing. You weren’t certain if it was the hormones or the maternal instincts kicking in, but by the intensity of your glare and the iron grip on your staff, anyone could tell you had entered murder-mode.

“I know it’s been a while since you’ve been a part of the team buddy, but you really shouldn’t underestimate us fresh faces like that.” Reno taunted, clicking his tongue in disapproval. He too seemed more than a little pissed at the dirty trick.

“I don’t feel like playing.” You looked between the men around you and exhaled loudly, raising your weapon in the direction of their target. “We’re not giving you time to prepare, you stupid fuck.”

Rude winced behind you, but quickly changed his expression into one of awe as you wordlessly blew up the pillar where he hid with a powerful Fire spell, blasting him back in the process. You stepped back, knowing full well you should leave them to the rest if you wanted to keep up to barriers. They, of course, wasted no time in engaging him in battle, ultimately resulting in knocking him out.

As they fought, Rufus inched closer to you, his voice low. “The fourth spot is yours.”

You blinked, confused. “Pardon, Mr. Vice-President?”

He gave you the smallest of smiles, the silver shimmer still strong around his form. “At first, I was simply curious to see to exactly whose wedding I had gotten invited to, but I now see that there must be a change in rank. I can comprehend why Tseng would place a ring on you.”

The harsh sound of Rude’s fist against the target’s cheek had been unsettling enough that you were momentarily distracted, but Rufus continued, unphased. “I’m moving you up. You have very impressive control, especially considering your…situation.”

His gesture towards your stomach had your face going very pale, eyes wide. “H-How did you…?”

But you looked down, and realized your palm was still placed protectively against the area. Ah. “Thank you, Mr. Vice President. But please don’t mention the baby to Tseng, I have just found out myself.”

A very loud echo of “Baby?!” had you jumping in surprise, the seemingly finished duo turning towards you with cat-like grins. Well, there goes telling your fiancé first.

“Dude, Tseng’s gonna be a dad? What the fuck.” Reno practically yelled, twisting the arm of the detained man in his excitement. “Does this mean I’m like, an uncle?”

The usually calm and extremely quiet Rude nearly mirrored his colleague’s excitement, and it warmed your heart to see him as such. His expression changed significantly into one of worry as he seemed to have reached a realization – you braced yourself. “(Y/N), you do realize Tseng will murder us once he realizes we let you get hit, right?”

Reno widened his eyes and let out another loose ‘fuck’. You shook your head at them, smiling. “I can take care of myself, and I’m only eight weeks in. That trash bag hit me in the chest, I’m fine.”

They didn’t relax at all, but you didn’t blame them. Even you were preoccupied with the possibility of him being upset.

Upset?

Holy shit, Elena was about to burn the entire Shinra’s Headquarters down. She’d been the previous fourth place, praised for her martial arts skills, and now not only had she dropped down from the golden quartet in lieu of you, but she would also have to swallow down the very big ‘you’ll have her crush’s child’ lump. She was going to lose her mind, you were completely certain – and, well, she did.

In the trip back the two men chose to ignore the death countdown above their heads to go back to the excitement of the news. Even Rufus himself seemed thoroughly amused, and you felt a bit like a celebrity with the amount of attention you were receiving from them. The commotion didn’t go unnoticed when you arrived back at the office, mission successful, and you had to practically implore the two Turks to act normal and go back to their jobs. They had, however, helped you come up with a sweet idea, and were currently ensuring that no one would disturb you as you went over to his office.

Seriously, if you didn’t tell him right then, it was bound to reach his ears before the end of the day. Reno didn’t quite understand the meaning of secrecy, and had rambled so loudly in the truck you took that you wouldn’t be surprised if all the lower ranking SOLDIERs – snow-balled information from the drivers in your trip – already knew. So there you were, a small package in your hands, and the softest smile you’d ever given him.

You closed the door behind you as you entered, granting you an immediate raise of his brows. “I gather it went well?”

“It did! The Vice President even gave me Elena’s place.” You mused, slowly walking up to him.

“He did?” He asked, and the pointed look you shot him had him backtracking. “Not that I don’t think you deserve it! He just doesn’t seem the type to make sudden changes like that.”

You leaned against his desk next to where he sat, trying desperately to hide the excitement. You faked a pout. “I’ll have you know he was impressed by my quick response and magic use!”

“I know love, you’re the most talented I know.” He assured you, and you felt your cheeks warming at his words. He closed the laptop he’d been typing on to fully turn to you, giving you his undivided attention. There was something in that little gesture, something that was still novelty in your relationship, that had you melting inside. “You came here for something, right? Is everything okay?”

Smiling again, albeit a bit shyly this time around, you placed the nicely wrapped package in front of him. “It’s a gift for you. I think you’ll need it.”

He looked at you with that warm, loving gaze he reserved for your most intimate moments. It had you dying to jump him and hold him tightly, but you didn’t want to ruin the surprise. He palmed the packaging, instantly being able to tell what it was, and smiled. “I always need book; you know me well.”

“This one is special though.” You commented, almost as if absentmindedly, and waited for him to tear apart the dark blue wrapping paper.

The cover for the parenting book “Cribsheet” was staring right at him. You didn’t fully comprehend what it was from the way his expression transitioned from confused to understand to blatant happiness that turned on the faucet and had the water works begin. Wordlessly, and with every inch of him practically yelling adoration, he pulled you into his lap and sank his head in your chest.

You arms wrapped around him, holding him close. “We’re going to be parents.”

He nodded against you, still refusing to look up. He whispered against your body. “I love you so, so much (Y/N).”

Your heart was filled to the brim with a type of joy, a blissful feeling you couldn’t explain or pinpoint. Only then you realized, you hadn’t once considered the chance that he might not want this child. You knew the man you loved, and you knew he didn’t do anything on accident – if he was occasionally ignoring contraceptives, you knew that it meant that he was ready. And you were ready too, to love and protect whatever precious thing that you’d give birth to.

After a little while, he pulled away to take in your image, the goofy grin on both your faces priceless. “How long?”

“Two months.” You said, to which his smile only grew. “There’s actually a chance that they were conceived right here, you know?”

Tseng visibly gulped and scratched the back of his head, pretending it had nothing to do with him. You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth.

                                                                       ***

            The following day, it soon became evident that the entire floor was aware of your situation. On the pleasant side, it did feel good to have people gushing over you, praising you, and overall just being extra nice. You knew you wouldn’t tolerate it if you were to spend the next seven months being coddled as if you were made of glass, and you’d made it very clear to Tseng the previous night that you’d continue working for as long as it was safe for the child. However, this initial warmth from your coworkers was doing wonders to your ego and already excellent mood. That was, until Elena came into play.

You’d pondered before that if she were to bother you while you had something this important, precious baby growing inside of you, she’d finally get to see you at your worst. For two years – the time you’d officially dated Tseng, you tolerated her and her big mouth under nothing but respect for her as a coworker. She, on the other hand, had gotten bolder and bolder instead of realizing that he was playing catch with no one, as Tseng was completely off limits. You had yet to give her the taste of your metal that you’d been wanting to solely because of your man, who had to protect the order within the Turks.

Right now, with that lopsided smirked and the malicious twist of her hair, you were about to say a big fuck you to all of that.

It started in the early morning, when you were in the line to get coffee, when you heard a snicker and the words, “That’s why she’s been looking so fat,” out of Elena’s mouth. The baby inside of you not only was obsessed with daddy, but also apparently with blood, because you very nearly spilt the hot liquid in her flat chest.

Breathe, remember? You told yourself to find that perfect picturesque place inside your head, travel far down there, and leave the blond alone or she would, and emphasis on the complete certainty, get some serious bruises on herself.

The baby, think about the baby.

And so you ignored her. And you ignored her when she complained about her rank swap, when she commented on your appearance at least three other times, when she wondered aloud whether Tseng was cheating on you or not, and soon the “think about the baby, calm down” turned into “think about the baby, they want you to destroy her”.

At about the seventh time you heard another off-hand comment from her, you understood why she was acting so bold. Somewhere on that dysfunctional brain of hers, she concluded that you would sit quietly and take it because you had a child to protect. She’d apparently forgotten that you could most likely beat her up with an eight month’s belly, much easier with only two months.

Reno and Rude had been off on a mission of their own, nowhere near to hold you off, and Tseng was working from within his personal office. There was no one around with competence to pull you off from her if you did decide to give in to bloodthirst. Good.

It was at the eight comment, that was met by even her friends with disgust, that you flew from your chair to stand in front of her.

“What the fuck did you say?” You snarled, dared her to repeat. You’d heard her pretty clearly, much more than you ever wanted to hear.

Your profession wasn’t particularly dignified, and you all did a lot of bad things – but fuck if you aren’t going to bash her head in for the words that escaped her mouth.

She stared at you, clearly taken aback. “It’s a joke…calm down.”

“Say it,” you taunted, reaching for a blue orb that dangled in the belt by your waist, fully ready to go all out, “repeat how you just “joked” about me losing this child. Say it.”

Elena gulped visibly, and you were right to assume that she was under the impression you magically became a defenseless centerpiece. “Lighten up, I was obviously jo-“

She didn’t finish, because you’d already taken your staff out, fully intending to rip her a new one. Before you could even Poison her, though, a firm hand came to rest on your shoulder. You knew without turning around who it belonged to.

You attempted to explain. “Tseng, she just--“

“I know, I heard you.” His tone was cold, borderline terrifying, but you knew you weren’t the target of his rage. If there was a hole in the ground, Elena would’ve hopped in without looking back.

“Tseng, I can expla--” She tried.

“You’re suspended.” He stated firmly, a gloved hand pointing accusingly at her. “I’m taking up this matter with Vice President himself. I’ve had it up to here with your antics. Your big mouth has caused us enough troubles as it is, but you can’t even keep it to yourself in your workplace. Workplace harmony is also extremely important for a job like ours where we only have each other to rely on, and the only conflicts we’ve had in ages we’re solely provoked by you. You’re suspended.”

            You were left staring in a mixture of shock and absolute delight at your future husband, relieved beyond measure that he’d finally put her in her place. You were, however, disappointed that you didn’t get your chance to finally get revenge.

Later on, when the two of you lay in bed, his hand lazily tracing soothing circles against your back and chin tucked atop your head, he reinforced just how amazing you were, and that no Elena would change the fact that you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. (Ah, and perhaps you discovered that this man had an…inclining to seeing you fight. Figures.)

[duskbeforeyou]

Unfoldings

Beyond Orange Dusk Part VII

In many ways, sometimes I think that we quirky loners are the normal ones while the rest of the population are just pretty strange. Sometimes, they are not very good at lying. From the place I am observing, they don’t really enjoy participating this social circumstance game in which they seem so fond of. It’s just an evasion of their hearts that no longer holding the wound of solitude. And finding companies seems like best idea to show that their hearts suffer. That we suffer, for companions.

Maybe our hearts care too much about what others might opine. The anxiety that comes up after, will easily drive ourselves to exist somewhere talking, laughing, and crying in the middle of couple eyes on us. Socializing seems like a tribune for those hearts which full of anxieties. Or maybe it is a mere present for delicacies.

But is it worth to live our lives driven by the society demands? When something seems so right to us while people look at it disapproved. Particular stereotypes nowadays delight that ’strange’ ones who dwell safely in the circle. Meanwhile we the outsiders, troubled to find approbation of the ideas. I don’t want to live in the spectrum which almost everything is black or white. My capability of seeing things is somewhat blurred or unsure. It doesn’t mean that my way of thinking is lack in harmony, but I do believe that everything in this universe deserves to be seen in many two-dimensional perspectives.

07 November

The snow was falling. The sun stopped shimmering. The universe was taking back all the delighted melody and changing it to a soft lullaby. The atmosphere hid back all the orange and green ambiance of the summer and colored the continent with white and plain tones. So did the trees. They left their leaves and flower petals straggled on the ground. Here it was. Welcomed the winter.

It was 7.15 am and finding myself still lying on bed with both eyes closed covered by a flowery vintage blanket was not something surprising. Friday morning used to be felt like a festivity of the joy and tranquility. But at the moment, all days were pretty much the same. Those were gap days when I should be meditating before I decided which university I would choose after graduation. Well, to be honest, I did not mind it hard. Graduation was 6 months ago and I was still enjoying myself spending most of times in my room. Reading novels and writing lame things such poems and poetry. Well, I really loved poetry. There was countless poetry books trapped in the bookshelf inside my room which looked like oxygen to me. Breathing lovely words, melodious rhythm, and orderly stanzas were just magnificent to me. Maybe that was obviously explained the uncontrollable melancholy possessed inside me. Meanwhile, in that early day, the ticking clocks and hustle outside the door had not yet bothered me at all. I was peacefully unwinding on the beautiful land of Eden. It was just awhile before the disturbance coming the moment Adam and Eve reached the forbidden tree.

“Oh my God. Hey, wake up sleepy head!” Yeah. That was Keanu robbing my tranquility.

“Uh, what are you doing? Get out. I want to enjoy my best resting place on Earth.” Sighed me, in a very heavy voice.

“What?! The world outside is on the war and you talk about nonsense thing?!”

“Your fictional drama sounds more nonsense to me. Stop it, Alien.”

“Did you call me Alien? Get ready to pay your fault, sinner. Incoming!!!”

Keanu jumped on my bed, tickling my tummy, and shouting annoying things. Annoying, but it was delightful.

“Here! Here! And here! Feel your punishment, human!”

“Ouch! No. Hey! Stop it! Haha. No!” I could not decide whether I should be annoyed of laughing.

Just a moment after we finished the silly war that Keanu started, we both were found sitting down on a two-seated sofa in my living room. Leaning back and sitting by crossing my legs, I was reading Charlotte Brontë’s Sense & Sensibilitywhich reached on the ninth chapter, while Keanu was holding an open Issue 28 – Kinfolk magazine. He was leaning on the left side of the sofa with his face fully covered by size of the magazine, while his legs against my t-shirt sleeves. I was not so sure, whether he was reading or just daydreaming in a (not-so) classy way. We both remained in silence for almost an hour. People might think that we were bored and that was a boring thing done by two bored people in a boring situation. But trust me, we had been through this so many times yet never been complaining. Silence did not bore us. Sometimes, it comforted us.

(still almost an hour)

“Rae?” said Keanu.

“I am busy” still sticking my face on a page of the novel.

I thought he would curse me at the moment, or worst, throw me with the Kinfolk. But he did not. He closed the magazine and sat properly on the sofa so now his arms were against mine. It was quite long silence till I turned my face on Keanu. What’s wrong with that face? My heart questioned. Keanu was giving an empty sight at front, with dreary face. His eyebrows frowned while his mouth a half-inch open.

“Kea? What is it?” me, started asking.

He seemed startled, closing his mouth and turning his eyes to mine.

“It’s been days that I want to tell you this”. he answered.

“Tell me what?” I closed my novel eventually, thinking it might be something serious.

“I need to go back to downtown.”

“Wait. You mean your downtown?”

“Yes.”

“Well, okay. When will it be?”

“Soon.”

“With your parents?”

“By myself.”

“Yea, It’s a bit doubting that you can take care of yourself but it’s fine after all. So what’s the matter?”

Keanu was quiet for few seconds. He started looking down on his fingers with eyebrows still frowned. He had me worried.

“I might not come back in near time after that.”

“What? Wait, Keanu. I am not getting it.”

“I’ll be out of town for a long time, Rae.”

Okay, it is serious.

“How long? What are you planning to do alone in your downtown? Stop prevaricating! Tell me what the hell is happening entirely.” My heart was pounding so fast.

“Hey, calm down.”

“How am I supposed to calm down?! You’ve been making me uneasy since earlier.”

“Okay, Rae, okay. First of all, I am sorry to not let you know about this. A year ago, I applied a scholarship in a university in my downtown, for engineering major. The university did not respond to my application for three months that I was so desperate for college. That’s why I flew here expecting a better chance. A month ago, they emailed me and got me an online admission interview. Three weeks after, I got an email written that I was accepted.”

I had nothing to say at the moment. I jumped on Keanu and hugged him tightly.

“Oh my god, Keanu. That’s wonderful. Congratulations!” I started releasing myself from Keanu.

“Thanks” he answered with a plain face.

“Why you have to worry about me. I’ll be fine, really. We still can talk through Skype though. Unless, you got new pals that you think they’re much cooler than me. Uh-uh.”

“You miss my point, Rae”

“What else?”

“It’s a four year program, and I might not come back here for that long time. My parents have been in a little but continuous economic crisis for the past few months. My father’s business has been running slow, and so has the company where my mother works. I probably cannot afford the flight ticket until I graduated or got a job.” Keanu’s face still looked much more anxious than it did few minutes ago.  I did not know what my heart was saying but all I wanted to do was soothing him, so I grabbed his both hands with mine. Tightly.

“Hey, everything will be okay. Trust me. We can figure it out together. You can do part-time job and also get A in your classes at the same time. Don’t worry. I will be right here, Kea. I always do.”

Keanu’s face was turning tranquil. But I did not know, I still could see anxiety in his eyes. Maybe I was not pretty good in judging people’s expression, but that was Keanu. I knew, whether he was okay or not.

“Thanks, Rae. That means the world to me. But, there is one thing that I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” asked I.

“I might meet someone in the downtown. Someone that helped me trough thick and thin in my old days, someone that’s always been there for me for almost three years till now.”

“An old friend?”

…

“A girlfriend.”

…