#but also having done subsequent playthroughs where i have tried my damnedest not to romance anyone i realize its actually like. impossible

[mabaris]

honestly thinking about it more, i should have waited to do any romances. the first time i played the games i was just kind of bumbling around with absolutely NO idea how the romance mechanics worked, and there was definitely enough going on just stumbling blindly trying to keep up with the plot. for the most part, i tend to prefer my second romance choices because i knew what was going on and could focus actual brainpower on choosing a love interest

my first choices for the first two games (leliana, merrill) were really just bc. they were the only wlw options and i picked up the crumbs i was given. nothing against those two characters, theyre absolute sweethearts but i say this very platonically. im just not accustomed to having a lot of options; you get one (1) gay one and you have to settle for whoever it is. (at the time i was dealing with Plenty of internalized stuff and still felt too ashamed to be comfortable engaging with isabela and realize it's ok to be into it, she's not just horny as a joke lol)

josephine is absolutely an exception to the above; the first time i saw her i was smitten but in the same breath didn't want to admit it. it felt like the set-up for a self-deprecating joke. i told myself not to get my hopes up, that because i liked her so much, she wouldn't be romanceable. of course i would fall for the unattainable character, that was my thing with morrigan when i didnt do my research and just went in blind with a female warden. she's hot but obviously not made with people like me in mind, move along

as much as i love her, i definitely didn't come to josephine's romance at the right time; i was nearing the end of the period where i'd been struggling with "am i actually objectifying women by finding them attractive" and the beginning of realizing "hey it actually sucks that so many wlw relationships are either made for the male gaze or theyre sanitized, very 'pure uwu soft romance' with Some Chaste Kissing Only" the former of which made me feel guilty for having actual interest in pursuing her, the latter which made me uncharitably angry at the way her romance was written. it felt like another thing where it's just like, well you cant have it all

(anyway now that ive let myself be horny and romanced isabela and sera, and seen that these games are actually capable of doing it well, ive calmed down and realized i was being unreasonable. i actually love how josephine's is written like an homage to classic romance novels, 12/10)