#but also even if he wasn't noct really isn't his type

[charlottedabookworm]

Funny thought I had for Phe Ulric AU - the chocobros are playing Fuck Marry Kill. Now it's Phe's turn and his choices? Noctis, Ignis and Gladio.

Phe: . . . I would kill Noct, marry Ignis and fuck Gladio.

Now Phe has to explain his reasoning without explaining he's related to one of those people or getting suspected of treason. He Regrets everything that led to this moment.

"What about you, Phe?"

"Kill Noct," he says instantly, ignoring his best friend's gasp of betrayal. Tilting his head back, he hums, debating... "Fuck Iggy and marry Gladio," Phe decides. Ignis is great and Phe loves his cooking, but really who wouldn't wanna be married to hiding-it-badly romantic Gladiolus Amicitia?

'Sides, Phe's always wanted a little sister and, since Dad isn't getting on with that, Iris is perfect.

"I would marry you," the Crown Prince of Lucis gasps out, his hand pressed to his chest. "And you would kill me? For Gladio?"

"Watch it, Princess. Can't help it if Phe knows I'm the best."

"How dare-"

Phe grins. "I don't know, bro, Gladio has a point," he says, slow and easy, as his best friend works himself up. "He'd get up and do my morning runs with me. Ifrit, he'd probably even buy me flowers."

"I'd buy you flowers," Noct mutters, pouting.

His pout only deepens when Iggy coughs to hide his laugh.

"Seriously though, Phe? Why kill me?"

"You're family, Noct," he shrugs and it isn't a lie. Even if it wasn't truer than his best friend knows, even if Noct wasn't technically his uncle, he'd still love him like the brother he is to him. "I love you, but not like that; I ain't fucking you."

Noct chokes.

"'Sides," he says. "Iggy's hotter than you are."

Huh.

He didn't know Ignis could blush like that.

[purgetrooperfox-moved-again]

1-7 for a character or oc of your choice?

[ask game] oooh thanks Lio 🫶 I'll do these for Nocte :)

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

something along the lines of "I'm sure they'll be fine"

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

honestly? pretty strictly. even among family, "friend" isn't a given. he keeps most people at arm's length – whether they know it or not, since he does also make a point of extending care and you know,,, basic kindness to people, which isn't exactly a given either

3. How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

his shows of emotion are usually masked by sentiments like "you're a pain in my ass" (read: you're so important to me), "I have better things to be doing right now" (read: but this is where I want to be), "there are spare blankets in the back closet" (read: I put them there knowing you get cold because I care about you)

or on the other end: "with all due respect" (read: which is none), "it's been a pleasure" (read: I would push you off a building if I could), "I look forward to your feedback" (read: fuck you and your opinion on my work)

his bantering snarky side comes out with friends for sure, and rigid professionalism with people he doesn't like

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

hm. he was more of a reader back on Kamino, the type to sneak pads into his bunk at night and stay up entirely too late with them then get in trouble for being sluggish. firmly on the "I used to be an avid reader, then I grew up and lost the patience" train. he also used to like tinkering with gadgets and small mechanical Stuff, but wasn't ever good enough at it to justify carrying it on.

because the post-o66 au is still tattling around in my brain. a big thing he misses from the tcw era is being able to sit around with friends or family and watch trash tv with homemade food until everyone falls asleep in a pile

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

no he can't dkdjdjjd he's really not much of a crier in general

6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

uhhhhh I guess in a similar thread as the end of #4, he's a closet fan of space hgtv. sproperty brothers go brr

7. What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

this one is deceptively difficult ksbddj idk what I would yell,,,,

his best friend would probably yell like. "hey whore!" @babygirl-leon-kennedy can confirm or deny 💀

his romantic partner/s would probably just scream wordlessly, which says more about them than about Nocte <3 @kit-fisto-obsessive can confirm or deny for Dara at least 🥰