#but also I feel like 24/7 punching is not a great thing regardless of direction

[tarragonthedragon]

i feel like a lot of online discourse boils down to people asking, over and over again, with increasing panic, "but who is it okay for me to hurt? who is it okay for me to hurt now?!" because "noone" is simply not an acceptable answer

[mydearestreaderfanfics]

Haunting Me (Zero x One-sided!Reader)

Warnings: angst, bullying

Word Count: 2,541

Prompt/Request: Second day of the October Special: Masquerade.

Summary: Tonight was suppose to be my opportunity for change. Things were supposed to be different in the best ways possible. I just wanted happiness and a chance at a brighter tomrrow. I can't believe I let myself have hope. Your dream night at the masquerade ball becomes your worst nightmare. Can you handle this heart ache?

Author: Mod Rene

I stared at this pitiful reflection given to me by my full body mirror in my dorm room. My mother’s dress in nothing but tatters and stains on me was not exactly my favorite look. This dress was beautiful. It was passed down generation after generation for so long that calling it a cliché tradition was an understatement. I wanted a magical night in it just like all of my relatives and ancestors had. Of course, that was most definitely not my luck. Happiness was never truly within my grasp. I was given the saddest cards in life. I’m officially convinced. What happened, you may wonder?

Sit back. Get ready for a movie. Quite honestly one of the saddest you will ever see on top of that.

*FLASHBACK*

“Kaname-senpai told me to come with him to the masquerade valley. How crazy is he? The disciplinary committee has to be on shift 24/7. Who else will protect the student body?” Yuki spoke half-heartedly I’d already known she wanted to go. It’s been all she spoke about for the past four days. I couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped my lips as I heard her draw on about it. After a tired sigh left her lips, I turned to her calmly.

“Yes of course. We must always be protected here at this private school which is quite mostly isolated. Can’t chance any rogue wild birds swooping down over our heads. What’ll we do without disciplinary committee members there to stop them from stealing the punch!!!” I joked looking her way with mock fear. Dramatics were my forte after all. She looked less than happy with me however giving me a puffy-faced pout. I couldn’t help but tease her. So many opportunities would show and to miss them would just be cruel to myself. We continued to stroll from class to the dorms not breaking eye contact as we spoke. It seemed ok until a matter of seconds later.

“You’re so mean Y/N!!!! I’m genuinely concer-" Yuki was cut off by my bumping right into one of the other girls and falling back. The two notebooks I’d been carrying with me flew up and so all loose papers were now falling around me. I remained on the floor shaking my head slightly. At first, I’d refused to open my eyes for fear of seeing the rage in the said other student's face. There was also the fact that I had a feeling this was some kind of start to some very bad luck.

Someone cleared their throat demanding my attention and grasping it. Sure enough, a very angry girl from my class stood in front of me with her arms crossed and head high. Her eyes were downcast making me feel entirely inferior.

“Y/N!!!! Are you alright?” Yuki immediately got down on her knees to be at my level and help me gather my things. I hadn’t looked away from the furious teenage harbinger in front of me but I did still nod slightly to answer Yuki.

“Her? She bumped into me. I’m the one in order for concern!” My classmate screamed quite angry with me. I visibly flinched slightly at the raise of her voice. Yuki rose to her feet in front of me with an angry glare in her eyes completely directed at who stood in front of us. I began to gather my stuff slowly before also moving to my own feet. I wasn’t one for scenes so I simply bowed my head and apologized.

“You weren’t the one on the floor. And it wasn’t on purpose!!!” I nodded at this statement which Yuki so boldly spoke out for me there really was no point to it though. This girl really seemed to hate me for whatever reason. After a mere stare down she scoffed and walked away leaving me and Yuki alone.

“Y/N-"

“Let’s go. We have a ball to get ready for.” I murmured with my back to Yuki walking away. I didn’t want to talk about it. I already knew what she’d say. It was the same thing every time. I needed to stand up for myself more. I needed confidence. No one could see, but I was trying. It’s never easy being what you’re not. With baby steps each day, I was working towards getting better as so many people had said. Tonight was the night I’d show it. I was finally going to confess my feelings to my crush.

Tonight I would get to tell him how I felt, regardless of how he felt about me. I just wanted to tell him. It wasn’t for him. It wasn’t for a future with him. This big move was solidly for me to prove to myself that I could do it. That somewhere in me was someone brave enough to speak my voice. So having said this, I stood in front of my full body mirror in the dress my mama gave me specifically for this night. A beautiful black gown slim fit to my figure. I was blessed with my mother's curves and now I’d stop hiding them.

Tonight I would shine. My face was framed by a couple pieces of hair on each side of my face as my hair was in a high ponytail, slicked back and straight. My facial features were shown and highlighted for once in my life. I wanted to be seen tonight. I wanted him to see me for once. There was a statement being made here.

“Y/N. You look absolutely amazing!” a smile graced my lips fully at Yuki’s words. A small gasp left her lips which I followed with a deep breath in, never looking away from the mirror. I nodded twice rather quick making the elation within your heart quite clear. A purely happy giggle left my mouth as I did one nice spin in front of the mirror slowly. I’d felt completely successful with my look and confidence had never felt so good. How dumb of me.

“I just hope he notices that too.” Mistake number one. Yuki had no idea about my crush on Zero. This wasn’t a topic I’d ever preferred to bring up to anyone. I have just always been so guarded that I never felt ok with talking about this stuff. I still didn’t want her knowing. She was so close with him, it made me further embarrassed. My eyes went wide as soon as I’d said it and her eyes did too. The only difference between us was my obvious discomfort and her very obvious smirk. I began to sweat just slightly.

“Who is he?!”

“Ohhh no one important.” I shifted in my heels and turned away from her to head towards my bed. It was about as messy as my own inner thoughts at this point, and so I needed to find my purse within it all…and my sanity. Yuki came up to me as I shuffled through my disaster of a bed to urge the name of this mystery he out of me for a good 5 minutes before giving up with a pout. I had finally found my purse right as she exhaled a defeated sigh next to me. I turned to her kindly and put my hand on her shoulder.

“You’re my best friend Yuki. I tell you everything. But I can’t tell you this person’s identity until after tonight. I promise you’ll hear about it tomorrow. If all goes well, you may just catch us there together.”

“If you say so. I guess” Her smile was sweet and so it earned a bigger one from me. I scanned her own outfit for a moment before I begin to give her some of her own compliments.

“You look stunning. You wore the dress Kaname gave you! So disciplinary committee will be partying too?” We laughed together as she gave a small nod and blushed. I couldn’t help but smile at this moment. Things were going so great already. I felt it was safe to assume the night really was going to be one blissful enough to remember. One impossible to forget. I was right about the unforgettable part of it. Sadly, not the blissful.

We arrived at the masquerade ball shortly after the discussion in the room. She broke off from me to find Kaname which I’d already known was going to happen. I hoped things would end up great for her. She'd finally get to confess her feelings. They could finally be together and happy. I thought I’d known how she felt about him and how much she really loved him. I didn’t know how wrong I had been. I want to assume Kaname hadn’t had any idea either.

I walked around looking for Zero, having absolutely no luck for a good hour of my search. I’d still gotten many offers to dance and boatloads of compliments, primarily from the boys but that was still nice. The night hadn’t been bad that far. With my poor luck, however, that most certainly was not going to last. I’d been walking toward the door leading toward the school, garden when it all went so wrong.

That same girl from just earlier had seen me and I’ll assume she was still unhappy. Now it was most likely for more than one reason as she was usually the one receiving all of the compliments being sent my way. Girls are usually not ok with that. She was no different. As I began to step out, she placed her heel on the back of my dress, causing it to tear and me to fall forward. I hadn’t expected it and therefore lacked any preparation to catch myself properly. I landed on my wrist wrong in the last-minute attempt to break my fall and catch myself. The sharp pain made me wince slightly and so she laughed bitterly.

My lip quivered slightly as I stared at the floor, attempting to gather myself. Her friends, as well as herself, stood around me simply laughing at my unmoving sat up from. I was determined to hide my obvious pain or sorrow. I wanted to prove to myself I could be brave. I was going to. However, this gave her a new plan.

“Aw, you want to cry? Does the baby need help? Here.” Before I could look up a cold liquid hit me in a large quantity all at once. The punch bowl then hit the floor next to me. I didn’t mean to do it, but I cracked. Tears began to spill down my cheeks at what seemed not to be within my control. I couldn’t look up. I couldn’t look anyone in the face. Maybe I did look good at the beginning. Maybe I did feel good about myself. There was none of that left at this moment I know how ridiculous and small I looked. With how horrible I felt now, people obviously looked at me with pity. Even so, no one helped me. No one said anything. Not a single person in that ballroom moved to stop any of this. Some of them even laughed along as well.

Why? Why did they all have to be so cruel? Why couldn’t they be kind, humane, demoralized people? Did their parents not teach them sensibility? I had done nothing to these people. They’re so cold to me without having even met me or gotten to know me. Without looking at anyone I got up and ran out of the ballroom.

I ran as fast as my heels could allow. When they began to hurt and hinder me, I threw them off and kept running. My tears kept falling and it angered me. I was mad at those people, yes. I was also mad at myself. I shouldn’t have run out. I shouldn’t have been careless. I shouldn’t have let them cause these tears to begin with. I wasn’t stronger. I was still so weak and it infuriated me. I had thought this night was officially the worst. It could have not gotten worse. Nothing could possibly make this night darker than it had already been. Maybe by this time, my heart should have known how untrue that was.

It had been almost as though each time saying that, I had placed a jinx on myself. Leave it to my lack of luck to hurt me further. As I came to a quiet stop at the fountain in the front of the school, I saw them. And my heart finally just shattered.

My mind went blank. The few pieces left in my shattered heart were reduced to a cold powder. I felt pure despair, but only for a second. It only lasted a second. That first second upon seeing it and realizing what my eyes had witnessed.

Yuki. And…Zero? Kissing? What? What about Kaname? What about every time she’d talked about him? All those times she would visit him. Every time he sent her gifts and was there to accompany her. The blatantly obvious tensions between the two and the care colored in both parties' eyes when they locked. Where did all of that go? That was never the look she gave Zero. She always talked about needing to watch him like any sister would panic and worry for their brother. That’s what she said Zero was to her. The troublesome brother. Why? Why? Why any of this?!?! Was it all really to bring me to this numb hopeless state of mind? Is that all I am meant to feel in life is pitiful or absolutely nothing at all?

Who did I make so mad up in the heavens to bring me all of this disaster? Why was I so haunted?

Yuki pulled away abruptly upon opening her eyes and seeing me behind them. Except, it wasn’t me she saw. No, it was the one and only night school king himself just behind me she saw first.

“Kaname-senpai!” it was quiet. Zero only turned around long enough to glance at Kaname out of the corner of his eye. I couldn’t stand to stay any longer. I turned to run, only for Kaname to grab my wrist, the same one I sprained before. I winced shortly.

“Do you love him?” my eyes opened wide. I refused to turn around. I couldn’t. It was quiet for a few minutes.

“..yes. I’m so sor-" I ran. He let go of me and I ran. I ran to my dorm faster than I’d ever run in my entire life. Never have I ever felt so destroyed and defeated in my life. This heartache was the kicker. I gave up after this. I have been locked up in my dorm room all night. I haven’t taken my dress off. Or opened my door to anyone, Yuki included. She stopped by, I think. Maybe it was my despair messing with my head. Not that it matters. This night has been dreadful. The masquerade was never a good idea. Having hope was the dumbest one yet. This was never to be forgotten. It is only a night to haunt me for the rest of my life. I never want to speak of the haunting masquerade.

[stowawayproductions-blog]

The Wife vs Colette vs Lizzie: We Run the World

Written 10/15/18

Glenn Close, Keira Knightly, Kristen Stewart, Chloe Sevigny. I wouldn’t want to meet any of these women in a dark alley, at least not if I’m an arrogant man who’s trying to run their lives.

Within the last two weeks, all three of these powerhouse feminist rants made their way into the Darkside Cinema (our local indie theater in Corvallis, Oregon. You know the one, hidden on top of a bookstore, up two flights of stairs, with the slogan “We Suck Less” scrawled across the olds-mobile style drinks cooler). At a glance, none of them are in my top five of the year, probably not even my top ten, but what they say together elevates them to something worth writing about.

I saw Lizzie first. My fiancee and I went in expecting poetry and got…well, not poetry. He was harder on it than I, tearing to bits its drab writing and hazy narrative. I felt defensive, recognizing the attempt at a feminist rallying cry, and wanting to support the effort even if the product fell short. Kristin Stewart amazes of course, bringing a realistic attitude to the otherwise fantastical cast of characters. Jamie Sheridan is basic, Dennis O’Hare is unnecessarily slimy, and even Chloe Sevigny performs below her talents with a flattened version of what this mysterious character could have become. Everyone else could be replaced with cardboard cutouts and probably deliver their lines with equal fervor. Stewart, however, shines like the sun. She’s meek, defenseless, and defeated. Showing in her emotional climax the level to which women have been beaten into submission; expecting rape, expecting blame, expecting ownership. The mix of determination and apathy is complex and fascinating, giving Stewart the opportunity to use all her skills and defining her career to this point. I cannot wait to see what she brings us next.

Next I saw The Wife. I went solo to this one, and I’m glad I did. I love my fiancee, but there are some stories that we as women have to experience alone, if for no other reason than to be able to sit in a dark theater and quietly hate men without feeling the need to say to the person sitting next to us “well except you dear”; and my goodness, thank you Jonathan Pryce for being willing to be a punching bag for all our pent up aggression. Cathartic and thoughtful, Glenn Close delivers a magnum opus for all women who feel underappreciated next to men in our field who are, often…okay, for the sake of this piece, who are USUALLY not as talented as we are. I’d also like to add that while working the register at said local theater (yes I work there now, definite pay drop but huge moral promotion), The Wife received mixed reviews from patrons exiting, however everyone who didn’t like it happened to be, you guessed it, a middle aged man. One man told me why he didn’t like it, saying that the characters were unrealistic and the story unbelievable: “That would never happen in this day and age”, “A woman who’s supposed to be so intelligent and in tune with her emotions would have handled that situation better”. Guess what sir who-I’m-not-allowed-to-yell-at-because-you’re-a-customer, this would ABSOLUTELY happen in this day and age, and normal humans who are just trying to fucking survive would ABSOLUTELY handle it that way. It’s hard to get into this without spoiling the plot, but for those of us who have had the honor of witnessing this beautiful story, Joan (Close) is a disturbingly accurate vessel for our thoughts and feelings on ambition, devotion, and making it through the day as a second class citizen. The whole cast is splendid, the story moving, and the message bone-shaking, forcing me into an existential crisis, wondering if I even culturally have the potential to ever be sat next to equals, or if I will always be in a class below, paired up with men who are less than me but seen as equal because the “real” men are at the other table making Birdman and Moonlight and winning all the things. But I digress. As I did for an entire night. Moving on.

Lastly I saw Colette. Ah Keira Knightly, I wanted to be you as a little girl watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and I want to be you today as a grown woman trying to figure out what being creative and independent really means. A beautifully rendered ode to classic filmmaking, Colette rises from its traditional format to challenge the heavyweight dramas of today. Its story is elegant, its writing is soft, is message is clear, and Keira Knightly reminds us all why being a woman is not something to overcome but something of which we are god damn proud. With hints of sexual freedom and trans rights that don’t overshadow the central theme, we’re privileged to observe three dimensional characters fraught with believable and relatable issues. Unlike Stewart and Sevigny in the above-mentioned lesbian period piece, Knightly crackles with chemistry with not one, not two, but THREE of her female dalliances, making the sex scenes not only enjoyable (this coming from someone who has never seen a sex scene that I consider necessary) but enlightening to the story and character.

To (finally) get back to my original point: I am honored to be living in a time when I can see these three movies back to back, and more-so when I can write about these movies and not be dismissed as just a “woman writer”, and these women, some real and some fictional, have made this reality possible. It is a bit of a shame that the directors of these films are Bjorn Runge, Craig William Macneill, and Wash Westmoreland (see an ironic pattern?), but regardless of that, these films are a one-two-three punch at a world that has changed so much in the direction of inclusion, but still has so far to go. Watch out boys, we’re coming to take our stage and we’ve got talent, determination, and years of pent up rage on our side. Next step: hand over the camera and let us tell our own stories.

“The hand that holds the pen writes history” — Colette, 2018

Ratings: Lizzie — Disappointing; in my bottom 2 of 2018. The Wife — Great; in my top 10 of 2018. Colette — Great; in my top 10 of 2018.

Great 6) Sorry to Bother You 7) The Wife 8) Colette 9) How to Talk to Girls at Parties 10) The Death of Stalin 11) Eighth Grade 12) Love, Simon 13) RBG 14) The Old Man and the Gun 15) Bad Times at the El Royale 16) Lean On Pete 17) You Were Never Really Here 18) Crazy Rich Asians

Good 19) BlackkKlansman 20) First Reformed 21) First Man 22) A Quiet Place 23) Annihilation 24) Blaze 25) Tag 26) The Miseducation of Cameron Post 27) The Hate U Give 28) Hereditary 29) Avengers: Infinity War 30) Black Panther 31) Tully 32) Searching 33) Mandy

Some Issues 34) Halloween 35) A Star Is Born 36) The Spy Who Dumped Me 37) Disobedience 38) Pick of the Litter 39) Ready Player One 40) A Simple Favor

Disappointing 41) Lizzie 42) The Party

[ano5555]

The Hunting

Rexsoka Week Day３　It’s Madness! {All the AUs!} (Oct. 24)

This time I will post a short story by changing my usual style. In this AU tale referring to the beginning 2 story of REBELS S2, Rex and Ahsoka's young son hunt for the first time. I translated what I originally written in Japanese into English by automatic translation by Google. My sentences are not refined and the content is crude. Therefore, I am afraid that you may feel unnatural and meaningless when you read this. Of course I hope that you will enjoy even a little.

The wind blowing in the desert of Seelos is always sticky. Because the sandstorm scrapes rock salt that is thickly deposited on the surface of the earth, and the salt crystals shattered are blown up by the wind. Huge worms live under the rocky salt, my family make a living by hunting them. For those living in this harsh land, worms ... especially joppa with Juicy and greasy is a treat. The meat is delicious whether it is dried or bacon. If we bring it to people living in a thin green belt between the edge of the desert and the foot of a rocky mountain, they will exchange it to credit or other items, so we get food, fuel, necessary living supplies.

On that day, my dad, driving a "home", gave me binoculars from the cockpit and said, "Jango, climb the deck and pay attention to the surroundings" "Okay, dad" I hung the binoculars around my neck, jumped like the Kowakian monkey-lizards into the cannon barrel protruding above the cockpit and easily went up from the terrace. That is easy for me. Because I am doing it since I was a baby.

When I speak like this, everyone seems to be wondering "why is there a cockpit or cannons at your house?" But when I say "Our house is the All Terrain Tactical Enforcer in the era of the clone wars," everyone is convinced. The walker looks dull, but it is a very tough vehicle, with six legs crossing the vast desert and climbing a steep cliff. Dad said that it could fight in outer space, but I am a little doubtful. Dad and Mom remodeled the waste materials around this tank called AT - TE. They attached a kitchen and a chimney, opened a new entrance next to the car body, around the house a terrace, so that they could enter and exit from the cockpit from outside. The top of the roof is a wide deck, we have a meal here on a calm day without wind, and sometimes we look at the stars in the evening. Of course, the function as a tank remains neatly in this one. Five Cannons are still active. Especially the main cannon with a long barrel on the cockpit is equipped with "reel", which catches joopa and shoots out with the main cannon.

I went up to the deck on the roof, standing beside the main cannon just above the cockpit and looking up at the sky.  There is no cloud in the azure sky, the glaring sun is shining. The wind was blowing strongly but I could not see any signs of sandstorm. After checking the weather, I raised goggles and carefully watched the ground surface with binoculars. If joopa moves through the ground, the crust collapses and cracks on the ground surface. Because we can estimate the size and direction of joopa from the crack direction and collapsed width, steady observation is indispensable. "... I found a crack in the direction of 2 o'clock!" Dad protruded a brown shaved head from the cockpit window and shouted. "Its scale is!" I also yelled at the same voice as my dad. "Total length 7 to 80, width 1.2!" "Great!" "Is it a Big Bongo?" "I don’t know" Sand smoke went up a little far in front of sight. "Oh, I saw it, it will come!" The earth roared, the crust was broken, the white head of a huge creature with eight red eyes emerged from the ground. "Big Bongo!" I got excited and the goose bumps stood. Usually, joopa is lurking deep under the ground, but seems to have been attracted by the smell of bait(today's small worms) we set up. "That guy quickly came!" Dad's voice was rough but excited. "He seems to be very hungry. Has your mom sat on a turret?" "Mom repaired the wiring until a while ago, but now she is feeding her Koon." Koon is my sister. She is still a baby, but when she gets hungry she becomes ferocious like Gundarks. "Instruct her to do it soon" "Impossible! Koon grumbles, he will run away !! Let me do it!" "No," Dad replied briefly and called mom. "Ahsoka!" The door beside the car body opened and mom came out. Koon still sucks on her breast.On the mother's head are two montrals colored with blue and white stripes. The left and right head-tails are connected to montrals and there is another one in the back of the head.Sharp montrals resembling tooka 's ears and colorful skin color (Mother' s beautiful sunset color) is a characteristic of Togruta species. Dad and Mom are different races, Dad looks older by about 20 years old than mother. I do not know how they got married. Anyway, I have the same brown skin as my dad, there are montrals and leks like small lumps on my head, with white gray with a grayish spot pattern. In other words, I resemble half for both my dad and my mom. My sister looks exactly like our mom except the eyes.

"Rex, stop here and take care of Koon." Mom tore off Koon from her chest and handed her over to the dad from the cockpit window. Koon is roaring with a voice that sounds in the desert. "Do not get so angry, my little one ... ouch!" Dad got her kicks and punches right and he calmed Koon with coaxing voice. "Come to Dad's knee, your mother is busy." It is completely different from when he shouts at me. Heck! ... Dad is really pretty sister than me. I went up to the deck and asked mom who sat on the turret. "Mom, please let me shoot him! I can do it alone!" "You can not do it by yourself" "I can do! You saw that I caught the prey before, Mom?" "The prey was small at that time," Mom began to operate the equipment regardless of me. "No such thing! I am ... !!" Dad cried laughing from the bottom. "Jango, do as your mother said! She is a commander of our house" "Rex, do not be stupid" Mom got off the turret, stared at my eyes and said. "Listen carefully, Jango. This cannon has a lot of reaction when he shoots, it will be blown off in your body" "... then Mother, can you help me? I am going to be aiming." Mom smiled and kissed a small montrals in my head. "Of course, do it." I cheered, somersault and sat down on the turret. I'm taking that big bongo! Mother stood and held me behind the seat where I sit.I use Cannon twice to capture joopa this time. The first one, I shoot a hook with a cable as a prey and run electricity.And when the prey weakened, I shoot the head of it with the second one.

There was a short distance to Joopa, but I was convinced that I would "hit". It is a little different from confidence. I am pretty whether something goes well or does not go well. And most of the time, the result will be exactly what I felt. For Cannon, we have set up a fish hook connecting cables. Joopa seems to have exhausted the scattered bait, he put out half of the body from the surface of the earth, looking for other baits. It is not so difficult for me to hit my hook with this insect now. I aimed and pushed the launch button of Cannon. The drum that winds up the cable rotates with tremendous momentum and the extended cable goes straight to joopa. A big hook on the end of the cable went well into the white back of the worm. A dull and heavy shock is transmitted to us. Hooray! I did it! ! "Endure!" Dad screams. In a hurry I hang a stopper on the reel and let the electricity flow. We will wind up the cable in the gap where the worm fainted and finish his off . Electric shocked joopa jumped with convulsions, but in the next moment it began to rage violently. "It's too weak !! Again! " Dad yells at me. Mom stopped holding down my hand I was trying to raise the voltage to maximum. "Repair of wiring is not over, the line burns out" I shouted. "It is awful! I can not do it anyhow!" Stupid Koon! it is because you interrupted Mo m's work! It seems that Mother could hear the voice of my heart. She said it faintly without changing her complexion. "Okay, to complain later ... Anyway, we have to solve the problem in front of us" Even in such a situation, Mother is always calmly strangely. Therefore, I wonder "What is she thinking about?" I started to wind up the reel while complaining. Creature has severely rampanted with a huge body. As a result, heavy car body of AT - TE is swinging with creaking noise. That's a terrible power as heavy cars are likely to overturn. "Jango ! Use a Cannon!" I listened to Dad's voice and looked down. From the head to the tail the whole body of joopa has already gone out onto the ground. "If it's impossible, cut the cable," the worm shakes the body to the left and right and struggles to remove the hook. As Mother, if I can not get him now, it is dangerous to bring more prey closer to us. If we get too close to him and the actively bouncing tail hits us, we will flatten. I was completely upset by myself. I try to shoot Cannon, but trembling does not stop My hands are utterly useless.

At that time, Mom put her hand on my shoulder and told me clearly in a quiet voice. "Close your eyes and concentrate your consciousness on joopa." I feel that something warm and powerful flows from Mother's hand into me. I regained calm. I breathed out and closed my eyes.

The sunlight to shine on, the engine sounds and vibrating beating, even the blowing wind breathed, the world quieted. Only Big Bongo and I are moving. In my head, the movement of joopa looked like slow motion, or as if he were stationary. Even irregular movement of a huge creature's tail makes me see the situation a few seconds ahead as if I were watching a series of frames forward.

Now.

The shell flew towards the target. But our AT - TE being pulled by joopa is in front swaying, the hind legs float a bit and become unstable. At that time, the car swayed, so I felt distracted and opened my eyes unexpectedly. The trajectory deviates slightly and it gargs the head of the worm. At that moment I thought it was bad, I heard something cracking, then the rear leg of the AT - TE fell to the toss and the car body rocked. The hook has come off the cable. Big Bongo became freedom and ran away in the ground with hooks attached.

"Aaaaa ..." I could only raise a miserable voice, to see off creatures going into the ground. I am really disappointed. I could not catch famous creatures I heard about rumors, and additionally, joopa brought our precious hooks. "Jango" Mom knocked on my shoulder, so I  snap back to reality. "You have to pay attention to the end, and the impatience will ruin everything." But after scolding, Mom gently hugged me. "But first time, you did your best." I got off to the terrace from deck with my mom. Dad and Koon came out from the cockpit. Koon is sleeping in the arms of dad. I thought. "What's going on with her head to be able to sleep in that fuss? "Ahsoka, thanks to you" "No, it's not me" Dad saw Mom's face, then he looked at my face fairly. I turned up my face and looked back on the face of my dad, who should be used to seeing. On the brown face deeply wrinkled and carved in the sun, there was no color of anger and no expression of disappointment, just seemed surprised at something. And in my eyes my dad seemed to be suddenly aged. It may be because white stuff has been found blended in blunt beards on his cheeks and chin. "I'm sorry, Dad ... I missed Big Bongo, and also the hooks" Dad laughed a little and stroked my head roughly with a big hand. "Experience outranks everything. Next, you must do it well" When I noticed it suddenly, Koon attached to dad's shirt was laughing with grin while sleeping with drooling drooping.

[tribefunctionalfitness]

I’m Not Re-Doing 17.5, and This is Why.....

As we close out the final day of the CrossFit Open, I am compelled to say something to you all. First of all, I am really proud of everyone and truly humbled yet again to see how awesome this Tribe is!

As of late, I have become more reflective about my life and how my actions or failure to act, have a direct effect on myself and other people.  I am realizing more and more that the way we deal with certain things in our lives are NOT isolated events that have zero effect on other events or aspects in our lives.  In fact, they are all connected, and say a lot about ourselves and the way we see the world through our own eyes.

Take the CrossFit Open. To be honest, prior to the Open, I personally was not super excited about doing it again, since I have pretty much done every single one since they first started having them in 2011, which make this my 7th one!  Also, as a box, I wasn’t even sure how many people would even join.  Regardless, we the coaches approached this Open with a serious intent to make it more organized, and, hopefully, a more enjoyable for the entire box!  Hence, we decided it would be a great idea to create teams to up the ante and level of competition within the box!  To our pleasant surprise, including the teens, we had almost 100 people sign-up for the Open!  So, we drafted our teams (which was a fun experience in itself) and the stage was set! From the get go the energy, the comradery, and the motivation-level within the box was high! Yes, we did have issues, which is expected when trying to get almost 100 people through five workouts that each had their own challenges with coordination, planning, space, equipment, and judges!  But, one thing that always remained constant was you guys and your enthusiasm to do the workouts, and more importantly, to push your fellow TribAthletes and teammates.  That, to me, was an amazing thing to witness, day-in and day-out!

So, now that it’s over, now what?

Personally, I think it is important that we reflect on the Open, and draw something that we learned from it that we can apply to our lives going forward.  Think about it.  The Open was a good 5 weeks out of our lives, which, if you really think about, it is a pretty significant amount of time to dedicate to any one thing!  I think that we can all agree, that the amount of time mentally and physically expended, was WAY more than just the amount of time you actually spent doing the workouts!  So, I encourage each and every one of you to really take some time to reflect on the Open and some life lessons it has taught you.

With that said, here is my reflection that will hopefully inspire you all in your reflection.

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17.5. I did it on Friday, even though I wasn’t originally planning to, but with some friendly coercing from David Haskins & Coach Bobby, I decided to get it over with them. So, I did.  My time was 24:53.  I was happy to be done, but not so happy with my time.  As I watched other people do it, and beat my time, I became more and more irritated with myself.  And as more people beat my time, I felt more compelled to do it again on Monday. Why? Because I felt like I was better than my time suggested.  Because I was afraid people would think less of me as a coach & athlete because of my time and who beat me.  Because, plain and simple, I wanted to beat people that I feel that I should have!  Well, it’s finally Monday and I have decided that my Open is over.  I’m not re-doing 17.5, and this is why…..

As important as I felt that it was to redo 17.5, I realize that there are more important things on which I could be focusing my efforts.  One of which was writing this reflection.  17.5 humbled me, as so many workouts in the past have done, but I am looking at it from a different perspective now.  I am learning to put my ego aside, and let things go.  Last year, a similar thing happened in 16.5 where the workout broke me and I put up a horrible time!  I was so mad at myself that I ended up doing it again and PR’d by a considerable amount of time.  What I learned from that workout, was that since it was a longer workout (which I suck at), I needed to pace better at the beginning so that I could finish stronger at the end.  With 17.5 having a similar type of feel with the sheer volume and thrusters, I should have used what I learned from 16.5.  I didn’t.  I went hard out of the gate, and like I did last year in my first attempt of 16.5, I died halfway through the workout.  

But what truly went wrong is that I let my ego dictate my strategy going into 17.5.  My ego told me, “F**K what you learned in 16.5! Just go as hard as you can and you’ll kill it! You don’t need to pace!”   As I am learning in other aspects of my life, I need to let go of my ego and do what I know is best!  Yes this workout is just one workout among 100s of workouts I’ve done in my lifetime, but it is a pretty good microcosm of how approach my life. Habits are built from repetition, and the easiest way to break habits is also through repetition.  This workout was the first of hopefully many repetitions, where I choose to put my ego aside, and trust my gut.

Other things that I learned……

1.       Even though 17.5 didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, I didn’t quit.  Trust me, around rounds 5 & 6, I really thought about stopping, but I didn’t!  Once in a while a workout will come along and punch you in the face.  It will make you want to quit, but will you? Again, habits are built through repetition, and the more & more you fight through a workout that punches you in the face, the more ready you’ll be when life punches you in the face! If you always quit when a workout gets hard, I guarantee you’ll quit when life gets hard.

2.       I did 17.5 side-by-side with David Haskins & Bobby, and all three of us finished within one minute of each other!  Although, we all died a little in that workout, we finished together.  Workouts like these ones especially, are like war stories to old military veterans (obviously not on the same level), and you build bonds with the people who fought hard alongside you.  For a workout like this, I definitely felt like I went through something with those two guys, and that is memory and bond we’ll be able to share for years to come.

3.       LAST & BIGGEST LESSON…..This Tribe is beautiful.  Although I can take credit for starting and helping build the Tribe, at this point I am merely just a participant and a witness.  This community is bigger than me or any ONE person who is part of it. For every member of the Tribe, this place should be an inspiration to be great in and outside of the gym!  Of course, it’s not perfect, but what about life is perfect?  All the life essentials are here though.  You all love each other.  You are all there for each other in times of need.  You comfort each other.  You push each other to better than you think you are.  You are examples of strength for each other.  You are role models for each other.  You make mistakes and learn from them.  You may fight, but you make up.  You may disagree, but you respect each other.  You even leave the Tribe, but you are never really gone.  You stay in touch your friends and even take a piece of the Tribe with you, because of the role that it has played in your life, AND some of you even come back because you miss it!  Whatever it is for you, Tribe is more than just a gym (at least, I hope it is).  It is a place to get away.  It is a place to build confidence.  It is a place to build a stronger self.  It is a place to discover all of which you are capable.  It is a place to realize that you’ve only just begun, and that life has way more in store! 

Take whatever lessons you’ve learned here, and apply them on a bigger scale: the way you tackle a workout, the kick in the face it gives you, and how you react to it! Whether you fold or gut it out.  These habits that you build in the gym are a reflection of your life, whether you like to believe it or not!  Do you short reps? Do you perform movements virtuously or just do them to get them over with? Do you have a plan or strategy for each workout or do you just go? Whatever it is, draw something from this CrossFit Open AND every time in you’re in the gym! It can tell you more about your life than you think, and, more importantly, prepare you!

Keep moving! Keep learning! Keep growing! Keep Tribe Strong!

Thank you for taking the time to read my humble thoughts.

-Coach Warren

#GodisGood #AllTheTime

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Puck Daddy Countdown: Happy trails Alex Burrows

Alex Burrows had himself a very fine NHL career. (Jeff Vinnick/NHLI via Getty Images)”n

7. The Habs

On the one hand, the news that Shea Weber is going to miss probably the first two months of the season is a major bummer for a team that was already dealing heavily in major bummers.

Guys want out, and who can blame them, and now any hope that Weber could be anything resembling a No. 1 defenseman after playing just 26 games last year are potentially dashed. It’s not so much that he’s going to miss a quarter of the season, so much as it is he missed like two-thirds of last year’s too.

This is just starting to feel like the Hockey Gods’ way of piling misery on a team already buried in an avalanche of it. “You want to trade the $10 million hospital donation guy for an older, worse player? Let’s see how that works out for you.” Weber’s odds of being as effective as he was before these injuries are probably pretty low. He’s turning 33 in about a month and guys don’t come back from these kinds of injuries playing the same way they used to, right? More concerning for the Canadiens is that he’s locked in for nearly $7.86 million AAV (although at much less than that in terms of actual dollars) through…….. 2026.

I did NHL Network radio last Friday and they asked what potential solutions the Habs could come up with here. Short of trading Max Pacioretty for a top-three defenseman, which would create its own problems, there’s nothing I can see. There are no particularly good defensemen left on the UFA market. You just have to bump everyone up in the lineup and grit your teeth for the first two months of the season. What a nightmare.

Did Marc Bergevin run over a witch’s dog? Like, man.

6. A reason to leave

It’s probably not a good sign when you announce a cheap four-year contract for a player and the immediate response from a bunch of hockey diehards and professional journalists covering the sport for a living is, “Who the hell is that?”

Such was the reaction when the Islanders gave Ross Johnston four years at $1 million AAV. But it’s understandable: Johnston got more years on this deal than he has career NHL goals. He’s 24, had almost 200 PIMs in just 62 games across the AHL and NHL last season, and was in the ECHL for a spell as recently as 2015-16.

This is a guy who is, uhh, bad. He’s bad. No other way to say it. An insanely ineffective player who only got signed because he averages like two hits a game and Lou Lamoriello loves guys like that.

People wonder why John Tavares left? The Leafs said they’d sign Matthews, Marner, and Nylander. Lamoriello probably said he’d get to play alongside Val Filppula.

I mean honestly, look at what Lou has done since July 1. Traded for(!) Matt Martin, signed Leo Komarov for FOUR years, locked in Filppula, extended Ross. Like, what on earth is going on with this franchise?

This team might as well not play this season. They’re gonna be bottom-three, easy. How are you not insanely depressed if you’re an Isles fan? How do you not look at Tavares leaving and go, “Well no kidding.”

5. Back and forth

I think the worst thing in the history of hockey is this Karlsson trade and all the rumors about “Tampa is the frontrunner, now it’s Dallas, no it’s Tampa again, ah it’s Dallas.”

Especially because as Steve Yzerman said on the Kucherov extension’s conference call, he never really felt like the trade was close to being done, let alone completed pending the trade call. Now, that might be a guy throwing out a smoke screen, for sure, but at the same time, maybe not.

This is going back to that thing I said a few weeks ago about not really believing all these things until things are well and truly settled. At this time of year, people have an interest in selling you these rumors, and you’re a lot more likely to bite on them because there’s less going on in the sport.

What would really be funny is if Vegas came out of nowhere and made the trade after a relatively quiet free agency period. I’m rooting for that as much as I am to see Karlsson on Tampa.

4. Being best buds

Because the Toronto media is absolutely awesome and good, they’re already ginning up controversy about how John Tavares and Auston Matthews are NOT FRIENDS AT ALL and ACTUALLY ENEMIES WHO HATE EACH OTHER.

Imagine being dumb enough to believe these kinds of rumors. Because it was like three weeks ago that they were trying to be like, “Auston Matthews is plotting to murder Mike Babcock click here for proof,” and then both of them were like, “C’mon guys,” so we’ve moved on to the Battle For the No. 1 Center Spot: This Time It’s Personal.

I hope Tavares and Matthews just start holding hands all the time so Steve Simmons and Damien Cox end up having nervous breakdowns.

3. Wanting out

So it turns out the Blue Jackets aren’t doing too good with Artemi Panarin these days because he doesn’t really know if he wants to live in Columbus and play for this particular team for the next eight years.

One wonders how much a certain coach has to do with that (ha ha ha), but also like, it’s a small market and a team that historically isn’t very good. I thought they were well above the league average this past season, thanks in large part to Panarin coming aboard, but they still lost in the first round (again) and they’ve still won a grand total of five playoff games in franchise history.

Wouldn’t you at least want to look at what your options are these days? Especially because of how much teams are willing to give difference-making UFAs a la Tavares.

Not that Panarin is Tavares, necessarily, but this is a guy who’s been in the league for three years and he’s seventh in scoring over that stretch. You don’t think a 27-year-old Panarin couldn’t push $9 million with just about any team in the league in the same kind of UFA environment?

Unless I were absolutely convinced I was on one of the absolute best teams in the league, I would 100000 percent be totally willing to go to market. It’s not even a hard decision.

2. Super team likers

Hey speaking of which, shout out to the Bolts for locking in Kucherov for eight years at a relative bargain price of $9.5 million AAV. Most of that’s in bonuses but who cares. He’s 25 and he’s second in scoring over the last two seasons behind Connor McDavid, who makes considerably more than that.

Kucherov for-sure left money on the table here, but that’s the price you pay to be meaningfully competitive for a Stanley Cup for three, four, five years. Plus the fact of the no-state-income-tax thing. Plus the fact of not having to pack up your life. Plus the fact of $9.5 million being a hell of a lot of money regardless of how much more might have been available.

But the thing with this contract, and also the rumors about Karlsson wanting to dictate his landing spot, and also the Panarin rumors, maybe we’re starting to see the NHL going in the direction of the NBA. Maybe elite talents are starting to realize they can punch their ticket anywhere they want, and they want to play with other great players and have a shot at a championship while also getting rich.

I’ve long felt hockey players are too willing to commit to bad teams long term out of, what, loyalty? Maybe they’re finally figuring out that this isn’t necessarily the best path forward. And that might be what finally shatters the stultifying parity that’s made this league so damn boring in the cap era.

1. Alex Burrows

Happy trails to a guy who didn’t make his NHL debut until he was almost 25, and still somehow managed to play more than 900 career games there. He scored 200-plus goals and 400-plus points, largely as a result of getting to play a huge chunk of his career with the Sedins.

But while I understand why people don’t like the player, for obvious reasons, you gotta respect the fact that he’s probably the best linemate the Sedins ever had and made a whole ton of money for a guy who played parts of four different seasons in the ECHL.

Plus he did the Marc Crawford impression that was so good and is probably the best ball hockey player ever. Have a good one.

(Not ranked this week: Slowing down.

Well we’re not even to July 15 and it already feels like nothing’s gonna happen for the rest of the summer. Probably the Karlsson trade will keep us all busy for a few days but otherwise what are we really looking forward to? The damn Patrick Maroon signing? Cool.)

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All statistics via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

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Puck Daddy Countdown: Kuznetzov proving he's one of the best draft-day steals ever

It’s hard to believe Evgeny Kuznetsov was drafted 26th overall in the 2010 NHL Draft.

8. Praise for Brooks Orpik

Ah, there may still be room in hockey for slow defensemen who kinda suck after all. And it’s all thanks to Brooks Orpik, who was a huge albatross around the Capitals’ necks (not that anyone would say it) as recently as a month ago.

NBC made him the third star of Game 4 (he had six hits!!!!) and no shortage of media rubes have pontificated about how valuable he has been. And sure, when he’s been on the ice, the Caps have only taken about 1 in every 3 shot attempts and scoring chances at 5-on-5, but you gotta think: What about those hits?

Barry Trotz is using him as judiciuously as possible, typically less than 17 minutes a night and only in certain situations such as the PK, where not being able to skate is kinda not as big of a deal. But all these people saying, “Doesn’t this prove something about a thing I still inexplicably think about this sport?” No, not really.

The reason everyone thinks Orpik has been a horse in this series? He’s been on the ice for three goals for and only two against despite getting BADLY outshot. This is the “Oscar Klefbom sucks now!” argument but in the opposite direction. Orpik has a 110.8 PDO — seriously, that’s the actual number! — in the four games of the Cup Final so far, and yeah buddy that’s gonna make anyone look good.

But guess what: Brooks Orpik stunk a month ago and stinks now and will only get worse next year. He hasn’t unlocked anything in his game, he just hasn’t been on the ice for many goals against. That’s not the same thing! You know this!

7. Becoming a brain genius

Gerard Gallant, back against the wall, is starting to make the kinds of dumbass decisions that he seemingly could never have made in his run to a surefire Jack Adams.

Some are due to circumstance — you only have so many defensemen so maybe giving Deryk Engelland of all the blue liners on the roster 22 minutes a night can in some way feel justifiable even if it truly is not — but others are due to having no answers. There are two worth highlighting here.

First, the continued use of Ryan Reaves in high-leverage situations is beyond baffling. I think I said the other day it’s not the reason the team is suddenly failing, but Gallant is now both using Reaves as his extra attacker, and as the guy who got bumped up to the second line when things “needed” to be shaken up in Game 4.

I cannot stress this enough: Ryan Reaves is not only not a difference-maker, but he is actively bad and harmful to the team. In a word, he sucks. I guess he’ll try to punch Tom Wilson in the face but in doing so he’ll also create a 4-on-4 situation where Vegas’s lack of high-end skill beyond their top group will only be more apparent. I don’t understand it at all, but I guess he scored goals in back-to-back games a week ago so we’re just going to pretend he’s got that in him forever. Fun fact: The last time Reaves scored in back-to-back games before Game 5 of the WCF and Game 1 of the Cup Final was January 2015. Before that it was in January 2011.

To continue to expect offense from him is a fool’s errand.

Meanwhile, when Gallant knew he needed more offense, he didn’t scratch Reaves or, I don’t know, Cody Eakin (3-1-4 in 19 playoff games). He scratched David Perron, who had 66 points this season.

Like, this is a parody of what a dumb coach would do. And no one is calling him on it but me! What goes on out there?

6. The Senators’ week

First their AGM gets arrested — and pleads not guilty — on some pretty gross charges that potentially throws his interactions with all the Senators’ prospects he’s dealt with over the course of his job into a troubling light.

Then Health Canada recalls “thousands” of Senators onesies because they posed a choking hazard. Sometimes the jokes don’t have to be written at all.

5. Happy to be here

So the city of Las Vegas announced the other day that it would have a parade for the Golden Knights regardless of whether they won the Cup and the team was like, “Please for the love of God don’t do that to us.”

Nice for the team to have the sense to beg their way out from that kind of event, but it also highlights how fast everyone went from “THIS IS THE BEST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF HOCKEY AND NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND OR STOP US,” to “Ah, we were playing with house money — like the gambling thing! — the whole time.”

It’s a great bit.

Two weeks after becoming the Islanders’ president of hockey operations, Lou Lamoriello relieved Garth Snow and Doug Weight of their duties.

4. Big Lou

The writing was kinda on the wall when it came to Garth Snow, right? You fire the guy who is maybe the reason the team has no certainty on John Tavares coming back, and hey Lou was right there and his son’s already the AGM so that all works.

But firing the coach everyone kinda seemed to like? That’s a weird one. Obviously the Islanders have long been considered a cone of silence (a great, modern reference) when it comes to understanding their inner workings so, I dunno, it’s maybe plausible that Weight and Tavares didn’t get along or something, and this is also Lou trying to get out in front of the problem.

But also, yikes! Because maybe the problem was something to do with Tavares feeling like this is a disfunctional franchise and, well, all these changes probably don’t help, right? But at least they’re getting that arena in like six years or whatever.

3. Ilya Kovalchuk

Turns out money might not be the motivating factor in bringing Ilya Kovalchuk back from the KHL. After all, he can make a boatload of cash playing over there and it’s all tax-free.

Instead, Kovalchuk apparently wants to win, which is a nice sentiment and everything, but hear me out, Ilya: Vegas has a lot of cap room and the apparent will to add more top talent this summer. Maybe that’s a thing.

I’m gonna bang the drum on this for a while. It’s the only thing that makes sense, to me.

2. Coming around

One thing that has been encouraging in the past few games has been, apart from all the hits necessitating it, people with a voice in this sport are really starting to call for a better concussion protocol. Maybe that’ll make it actually happen!

But probably not.

1. Evgeny Kuznetsov

Here’s something few people remember about Evgeny Kuznetsov: He was the 26th player selected in his draft.

And look, you can get bargains in the later rounds — Henrik Zetterberg! Patric Hornqvist! Any number of great goalies! — but the reason Kuznetsov dropped was, of course, that teams were concerned about whether he would bolt from the KHL.

I saw something this week about how George McPhee only had a handful of games with Kuznetsov on his Capitals roster before he got canned. The implication, I guess, being that the three-or-so years Kuznetsov took to come to the NHL was in some way a reason he didn’t keep his job with in Washington.

But how many guys get drafted somewhere in the first round, play three years of college or junior, then come over without the constant fretting about “WHEN IS THIS GONNA HAPPEN?” that we got with Kuznetsov?

I mean, just pick a guy totally at random, oh, I don’t know, like TJ Oshie. He was also the 24th overall pick in the 2005 draft, played three years at North Dakota, then went right to the NHL at age 22.

The difference between Oshie (who was a perfectly reasonable pick at No. 24) and Kuznetsov (who was not the 26th-best player in his draft but slipped anyway) was the “fear of the Russian” factor.

Anyway, Kuznetsov suddenly looks like an ultra-mega-star on the game’s biggest stage, and he probably won’t win the Conn Smythe because Alex Ovechkin’s due, and that is kinda funny to me for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on.

(Not ranked this week: The end of the season.

About midway through Game 4 I realized hockey is gonna be over soon and I got bummed out!)

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Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. here and his Twitter is here.

(All statistics via HYPERLINK “http://corsica.hockey/”Corsica unless otherwise noted.)