#but also I been feeling like I’m gonna embarrass myself around people again

[candyheartedchy]

Feeling disconnected again…

[dumplingsjinson]

List of random dialogue prompts (pt. 3)

“Truth be told? I miss the times — the me — before I fell in love with you.” 

“You know, I can see myself in, on top of, or under you. What do you say?” “I can see you buried six feet under my very feet if you don’t stop joking about this shit with me.” 

“Was there a point when you fell out of love with me?” “There was a point when I fell in love with you, but never out.”

“When did you fall out of love with me?” “That’s the thing: I never fell out of love with you. You’re the one who fell out of love with me.”

“Right person, wrong time… What if this is the right time? We’re just the wrong people for each other.”

“You have me wrapped around your fingers. Crazy part is, I don’t mind it.” 

“Don’t forget this: I made you. I can easily break you if I wanted to.” 

“I shared pieces of me, with so many people, and none of them kept those pieces safe, and I don’t know if I can risk that with you because it would devastate me if you turn out to be the same as them all. I would be completely destroyed.” 

“Don’t give me that look.”

“You okay?” “No. I need hugs. From you. I need you to hug me.” 

“I just wanna fucking get over you so I can be okay again.” 

“Stop trying to remind me that you’re still in my life. I’m trying to not think about you, for God’s sake.”

“I wanna kiss you so badly right now but we’re in public and I know you hate public display of affection—“ “I’ll allow you to do it this time.” “Wait… Really?” 

“I make shitty decisions and you’re a testament to that matter.”

“I have things to do, and most of them include me trying not to think about you.”

“I’ve never cried because of someone, you know? I didn’t have anyone to cry over. You’re the first, and you’ll also be the last, or so God help me through this embarrassment.” 

“Breaking up with me does not mean you had to kick me off your Spotify playlist, you know? Because damn. As much as I’m upset, your list had some bangers.” 

“You don’t get to do decide my feelings for you.” 

“I’m not bitchless, you fucking dickhead. Take that back!” 

“Every little thing reminds me of you, which sucks because you’re not in my life anymore.”

“It’s kinda weird not seeing your name on my phone when I wake up. It’s gonna take me some time to get used to this.”

“I think I knew this wasn’t going to last when I realised it’s not that I trust you. It’s that I don’t care what you do, and who you might be fucking around with.”

“One text from you has me happier than a child whose mother bought them their favourite candy. It’s not okay.” 

“I don’t share my Spotify playlist with just anyone. It’s like a secret love language of mine, reserved for those I want to let in. You’re one of them, yet you’re here thinking I don’t feel the same way about you?”

“I dunno, I just… Kinda fell for you.”

“You’re the reason why I fell in love with you. You, as a whole.” 

“There are some songs that I can’t listen to anymore, because they remind me of you; of all the times we’ve had together. And it sucks because some of them are great songs. And you fucking ruined them, you asshole.”

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t care, because I do. I fucking do, and that’s what makes this even worse.” 

“One thing you should know about me is that I suck at letting go.”

“So you’re telling me I’m supposed to sit here and give a fuck? You couldn’t pay me enough to do that. I have places to be and things to do.” 

“You need to stop being such a dramatic bitch.” “It’s the only way I can entertain myself, okay? Now piss off and leave me be.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let you go.”

“You deserve someone better than me—” “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“You ever think about how good we could have been together?” “Yeah. I think about it all the time, and then I remember how badly you fumbled. So yeah, good job.”

“You’re blushing.” “I’m not.” “…Then I guess I’ll have to give you something to blush over.”

“I lost myself while trying to find the good in you.”

“I think it’s comforting that they’re somewhere out there… Even if we never speak again, you know? They were a part of my life, even if it was only for a little while. They made me feel good, even if it was only for a short amount of time.” 

“Remember when you said you’d catch me when I fell? Well, you’re a fucking liar. Figuratively and literally. Now I’m hospitalised and also emotionally scarred. I hope you’re fucking happy about that.” 

“If we break up, I’d look for you in other people and be reminded that they are not you, and that I’d never find someone like you again. And… I don’t think I can bear the thought of that.”

“I give you permission to break my heart.” “And I give you permission to end me if I ever do break your heart.” 

“I have things to do—“ “And I’m one of them.”

“You’re only saying sorry because you want to make yourself feel better, so you can go shove that sweet apology up your ass because it doesn’t mean shit. I hope you continue to feel like shit over what you did, because I’m never forgiving you.”

“I had expectations for someone I knew couldn’t meet those expectations, so that’s my fault for expecting anything from you at all.”

“You? Breaking my heart? It’s funny how you think you even have that power over me.”

“You were like a routine that I loved and it felt… comfortable. But I guess that’s not the case anymore.” 

“You fell in love with the idea of someone that wasn’t even real. You fell in love with your own projections. How are you so foolish to think that it would have worked out?”

“I’m fine. Of course I’m fine.” “Everything about this interaction is telling me you’re not fine — not even close.”

“The idea of us was perfect. Blame me for thinking it would turn out into something good and as fantastical as what I made it out to be in my head.”

“Because no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s about to drive me to the very brink of insanity, so if you’ll excuse me for not wanting to be near you, that would great.”

“I would not be who I am today if not for you.” 

(pt 1.) | (pt. 2)

[chocoloom]

Adding onto my last post, Imma make an Eden’s Garden prediction on who I think may survive or die, or at least seems to be more likely to die to ME.

Spoilers Ahead for Project Eden’s Garden btw! If you haven’t played it, please do, it’s FREE RN

If you’re still here, here we go!

Damon Maitsu - Survives (Protagonist clause, he’s gonna be hella traumatized though). Dude still has a whole character arc to go through, he still has trust issues to get rid of.

Ingrid Grimwall - Probably Dead. Look I love this lady with my whole chest. Her passion and charm hit me like a train and as a southern woman myself, I love her accent. But. Her death would hit like a truck and that is exactly what Danganronpa thrives in doing. Especially considering her death would cause the group to lose a pillar of emotional support, and would devastate a certain little matchmaker. Speaking of which.

Toshiko Kayura - Survives. She’s gonna get some character development related to Diana or Ingrid, especially if one of them dies (looking at Ingrid specifically). Ingrid dying would fuck this girl UP, which is why I think it’s going to happen. They have been setting up these two having a mother daughter relationship early on. I don’t see this girl as a murderer, but I can see her filling a similar role to Aoi’s. Specifically how Aoi was acting during the Sakura trial, hiding evidence cause she blames other people and herself for the death of someone she cares about. I can’t see her dying though, she’s too young. That’s a baby. Then again, this isn’t the main Danganronpa world, so I could be wrong. Absolutely off topic, but I think there’s a reason she’s hiding her face. Not a bad one mind you, she strikes me as someone who would try to hide things she doesn’t like about herself in an attempt to seem more mature or lady like. Maybe she still has braces and is embarrassed about it.

Jean DeLamer - Solid fifty fifty. I straight up don’t know, I could see this going one of two ways. One, he survives to the end (in which case, awesome, he’s honestly one of my favorites in this game). Two he dies in a sacrificial manner to save the rest of the group, as they have become his new crew in a sense. In which case, I’m sad and my heart is in tatters. He gives off big Nekomaru or Gundham vibes in his role in the group. Regardless, I see him as a big source of reliability and moral support for the group going forward. I can also see him taking up more of a leadership role going forward. Maybe he helps out Diana in her attempts to unite the students.

Ulysses Wilhelm - Dead. That bit about him not being able to smell strikes me as a Chekhov’s gun that has yet to be fired. I can practically taste the metal. I could see him being either a murder victim or a murderer. Regardless of which, it will likely involve Wenona in some way, as those two have been maintaining a positive relationship. I can see them conspiring with each other, or betraying each other. Either way, dramaaaa~

Jett Dawson - Dead. 100%. I do not see his ass surviving. Sorry Jett enjoyers. The fact that we don’t know what his face looks like also feels like a Chekhov’s gun. Maybe it’s connected to Tozu and Mara, or maybe it’s connected to another student (looking at Mark). Maybe someone impersonates him, or the other way around.

Mark “Mayhem” Berskii - Dead. I could see him being a murder victim or murderer tbh. I think it may depend on what happens with Jett, as those two have been linked together, much to Mark’s initial chagrin (The shippers are gonna sob I just know it). There’s a darkness in that boy’s soul, and it specifically mentioned that Mark specializes in remixing songs and voices. I could see a scenario where he takes the recorded voices of his fellow students and uses them to create confusion, maybe make people think that a person is in a specific place when they are not, or cause confusion as to whether or not a person is alive or dead at a specific time. Maybe he kills Jett, would that be fucked up or what :D?

Desmond Hall - Fifty fifty, but I think he Survives. He’s more likely to in my head, but if he does die, he’s the murder victim. From what we know about his personality, I think he’s less likely to try and kill anybody in comparison to some of the other characters. He’s got a very low key personality, and even though his talent is the most connected to killing out of the whole cast, I actually think he is probably one of the people who is least likely to do so. Dude is a killer shot, but he’s no killer.

Wenona - Fifty fifty, leaning more towards 25-75 in favor of death. She COULD survive, but I think it’s more likely for her to die tbh. She’s been one of the people who has been the most vocal about waiting for rescue, but she’s also a billionaire. And you don’t get that much money without being willing to take advantage of, manipulate, and hurt people. She’s definitely going to be an antagonist in a future chapter, aided by Ulysses. She’s also going to have some sort of conflict with Cassidy, as they have been setting up this bad blood between the two since Cassidy’s intro. She strikes me as someone who could play a similar role to Byakuya or Celestia, especially if she finds out that help might not be coming. Or if her company is on the line. Cuz we still don’t know what the situation is like outside of the Academy. Also, murder is just as much of a girlboss move as it is an immoral one.

Eloise Taulner - Dead. I don’t know enough about her to say for sure, but I think she could be the murder victim or murderer. If it’s the latter, good for her ig. Girl slays, or I guess stabs would be more applicable.

Cassidy Amber - Survives. I think she’s more likely to survive than die. Girl is feisty, and the survivor groups usually have some upbeat and optimistic. If she dies however, she dies mid game. I could see her plotting to murder Wenona, or getting into a confrontation with her due to her status as a morally bankrupt billionaire. I don’t want her to die, I like her dynamics with a lot of the other characters, but I could see it happening.

Grace Madison - Dead. I would wager she might die within the next chapter or two. Her primary connection as a character was to Wolfgang, and he’s gone, soooo, yeah. Something is definitely up with her that’s going to get addressed next chapter regardless. For one, we still don’t know why she was so adamant about nobody going into Wolfgang’s room at the time of his death. It could be because she was just embarrassed about people discovering and questioning her about her relationship with Wolfgang, but I think there could be more to the story. There’s secrets in each students room, but we don’t know what secrets could be contained in Wolfgang’s room. But Grace might. What’s more, her behavior after Eva’s execution peaked my interest. She’s uncharacteristically silent, not saying anything, even when someone says something that would typically elicit a violent reaction from her. I think she’s conflicted about Eva now, cause Grace definitely despised Eva, but after watching her death, in all its horror? I think even she feels like it was too cruel. She might act a bit more toned down and less angry going forward. Additionally, during Diana’s speech, she doesn’t insult Diana or say anything. Wenona is the only one to really insult Diana, while the rest of the group just kinda try not to acknowledge it. Either Grace is still in shock, or maybe she was actually kinda moved by Diana’s gesture to try to honor Wolfgang’s memory? Maybe she’ll help her, who knows. Would be interesting to say the least.

Okay, these last two are really hard. Figures, they have the most interesting relationships and dynamics with Damon, our protagonist. I can see this going in a lot of different ways, and they are all interesting.

Kai Monteago - Okay, hear me out. Kai strikes me as someone with confidence issues in spite of being an influencer. He underestimates himself, and that lack of confidence combined with his cowardice leads to him wanting to leave stuff like the investigations and the trials to other people. But I also think he wants people around him. The guy craves genuine connection, and he seems to have found the beginnings of that in Damon. He latched onto him like a butterfly to a flower, and I can’t see him letting go anytime soon.

Because of that, I see Kai filling the role that people initially thought Eva was going to fill. Kai will be Damon’s Assistant character, his support. The role of an influencer is one that involves the manipulation of people, be it to follow them on instagram, to buy their products, or simply to listen to them. Damon can argue and debate all day, and he’s good at it, but Kai I think will aid in getting people to listen to his points, and could even manipulate people to uncover lies or get them to confess. This will increase his confidence in his own abilities as a result. Kai is not as dumb as he seems to think he is, and I think he’ll learn that in the arcs going forward. He may also kiss Damon on the mouth, but only time will tell. I hope they do tbh.

Because of this, Kai is mostly safe. If he dies, he dies late game and it mentally destroys Damon, or helps further his character development. Otherwise he survives until the end. And honestly, I think there’s a pretty good chance that the latter option will occur. Regardless, Kai is going to play a crucial role in Damon’s arc. I could see him being one of the catalysts for Damon actually trusting people in this game, after his trust was so broken up by Eva’s murder plot.

Diana Venicia - First of all, she is not gonna be a murderer. Girly was framed last trial, they aren’t gonna pull that shit twice. Plus it was established that she couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger on Wolfgang, even though her life was actively in danger and he ATTACKED her. If, IF, she becomes a blackened, it is purely by accident or she didn’t intend to kill (maybe smth similar to Chiaki where her actions led to the murder unintentionally, but she never intended to kill). Even then, I think the chances of that situation happening are veryyy low.

I think she is going to serve as a foil to Damon in the trials to come, kinda like an antagonist. As an antagonist isn’t someone who is necessarily evil. They either serve as foils to the protagonist or prevent them from reaching their goals. She won’t obstruct or prevent Damon from reaching his goals, as they both want to go home and get out of the killing game. Rather, she’ll be an antagonist in the moral or metaphorical sense, and I think she’ll be more vocal and try to take a leader position in an attempt to emulate Wolfgang. Her trusting and open nature clashes with Damon’s closed off and suspicious demeanor, and that’s going to play a role in the trials going forward. I can also see her finding allies in her attempting to unite the students in Toshiko, Jean, and possibly Jett, Cassidy, and maybe Grace.

I’ve seen some people saying she will die come Chapter 2. While I see the reasoning behind that. I don’t think that will be the case. If she dies, it’ll be late into the game, maybe come Trial 4 or 5. I could also see her surviving, but it’s too soon to tell. She either dies late game or survives the whole thing, like Kai. That’s my take anyway. Still, the poor bubblegum girl. The horrors are just beginning for her I think.

Wolfgang and Eva: lol they dead as hell. Rigor mortis is already setting in. They’re extra crispy.

In Summary:

Potential Survivors (most to least likely in my head) - Damon, Kai, Diana, Toshiko, Desmond, Cassidy, Jean

As for who may be next to die in chapter two, my money’s on Grace, Ulysses, or Eloise.

[lunajay33]

Taste for Older Men Part.2

•⚰️🍂🍑•

Summary: Growing up with you never had much interest in boys your age but when your dads best friends stuck around more everything changed

Pairing: Cowboy Negan x f!reader

Warnings: age gap, evil boyfriend

Part.1

•Masterlist•

It’s been a week since everything happened, my parents have been extremely over supportive always, when I’d come down for breakfast they’d have wide smiles and cheery voices but I couldn’t hate them for it they’re just trying to make me feel better even though I was already happier than I’ve ever been in my life

I still work everyday at Negans farm but my parents still don’t know that we’re together and we’re not quite sure how to tell them, I mean he’s my dads best friend and I don’t want to ruin that but I also can’t give up Negan he’s all I’ve ever wanted so there’s got to be a way

I was in the barn pitch forking up some loose hay when I feel Negans arms wrap around my waist

“You know if I was gonna get more help around here I’d have told you my feelings way earlier” I laugh as I lean back into his chest

“Watch yourself lil lady I’m still your boss remember”

“Oh I remember” he spins me in his arms resting my hands on his shoulders

“So how do we tell my parents I don’t want to sneak around I want to be able to be with you when we’re around other people”

“I know sunshine, old man invited me over tonight to watch football might tell him then, and you can talk to your mother” I feel nervous about this but it needs to be done

“Hopefully they don’t rip my head off”

“If they’re going that route it’ll be me they rip apart” me smiles as he leans down to kiss me his grey speckled beard scratching against my face but it was something I craved when he wasn’t around

“Come on let’s finish up our chores before you get carried away like last time” I laugh as he groans

I got home early as Negan let me off to get ready for tonight and go through everything I want to say to my mom, he wanted that time too he had more to worry about but my father is an understanding man I just home he can understand this too

I stripped off my dirty work clothes and hoped in the shower, relaxing as the dirt and sweat from the day washed away down the drain, after I was all squeaky clean I got dressed in a casual pair of black leggings and a red long sleeve shirt, putting two braids in my hair then waiting on my bed anxiously

After another hour I picked up my phone and dialed Negan, after two rings I hear his voice and everything seemed to not be as stressful

“Hey baby ya alright?”

“Yeah I’m better now, just nervous”

“Don’t stress honey I’m on my way over now, we’ll get this settled” he said with a calming tone

“Okay I’ll see you soon”

We hung up and I made my way downstairs sitting at the kitchen island waiting to hear the rumble of his truck, soon the headlights shine through the window and he’s knocking at the door

I want to rush to the door and through my arms around him but contain myself and let my dad answer, Negans technically his guest anyways

“Negan! You excited for the game buddy?” My dad asked cheerfully as he patted him on the shoulder

“You bet, I meet you in the lounge soon I’ll go say hi to your wife and y/n!”

“Always with the southern hospitality!”

Negan rounded the corner and came into the kitchen where me and my mother sat I couldn’t help the huge smile that stretched my cheeks

“Negan so wonderful to see you again, last time was a bit crazy” I looked down a little embarrassed by that whole fiasco

“Lovely to see you too, and of course my dear little farm hand” he said brushing his hand down my back out of my mothers gaze making my skin chill

“Oh Negan she’s still behaving well isn’t she?”

“Mother of course I am”

“Don’t worry she’s always a great help, got myself a lil working lady”

I look up at him with so much joy and admiration before my mother clear her throat and snaps us out of our moment

“Well here’s two beers, better get in there before he makes a big deal about us stealing you away again” she laughed handing over the beers and began left the room

I look back at my mother who had a knowing look on her face, raised eyebrow with a slight smirk

“What?”

“I’m not stupid sweetie, I’ve seen the way you looked at him since he started coming around, only recently he’s been giving you the same look soooooo you have something to tell me dear”

“Don’t be mad, what I feel for him is real, how he treats me really show how badly Mike treated me and how much Negan treats me like a goddess, he’s a good man”

“I’m not mad, I’m glad you found a man who can treat you the way you deserve, hopefully your father will look at it the same way”

I down now we wait to either hear a fight or Negan comes out smiling

“WHAT?” I hear from the lounge, oh no

I rush into the lounge seeing my dad up in Negans face and he looked more betrayed than angry

“Dad, calm down it’s okay”

“How is this okay my best friend with my daughter”

“I love her f/n” he went silent and so did I this was the first time Negans declared his love

“You love me?” I ask as I step closer

“Of course I do, you’re a wonderful woman every moment with you I feel more happier and at ease than I’ve ever been”

“I love you too Negan” I lean up to wrap my arms around his neck and he held me tight

“F/n, you know Negan and he’ll treat her right compared to that excuse for a boyfriend she had before” my mom said then hearing my dad sigh

“I know it’s just a lot to wrap my head around, when did this happen?”

“The day we had the barbecue, he came and made me feel better about everything that happened and well our feelings just came out”

“I mean me and your mother knew how you felt about Negan it was pretty obvious, I guess I can eventually get use to this”

“My god was it that obvious?” I ask looking up at Negan and he had a sly smirk

“You didn’t make it sneaky when you’d look at me darlin”

Taglist: @azanoni @scorpioempress @fanficwriter5 @elliesr1fle @imimatcha4life @indigosparkle444

[switch-witch-erin]

This post is about the very experience of loving tickling, the feeling of shame for it, the feeling of being somehow abnormal, which as far as I know actually haunts many.

This is gonna be a long read, featuring my journey to finding peace in liking tickles + how I managed to clarify for myself that liking platonic tickling is a thing, and is, in fact, okay. I’ll try to make it as short as I can :,)

❗️All of this is just a reflection of my experience, please be respectful

First of all, I have to say that tickling has always been a main form of showing affection in my family — here

For my parents and siblings, it was of utter importance to never show “weakness” in any way or form, no saying “I love you”, no hugs nor kisses, no words of validation, only stuff like “study hard so you can get a better job in the future”, “don’t forget to wear your scarf, it’s cold outside”, so basically they showed their love through doing anything they could for me to survive and thrive, but without any affection. And since affection wasn’t allowed, my siblings decided to start disguising it by messing with me, like tickling me silly, claiming that they’re just teasing and pestering me, while also making it fun and entertaining. They were gentle and careful, especially considering our big age difference (I’m 25, and my eldest brother is 48), and it made me feel so loved and cherished that I never wanted it to stop. Most tickle fights happened with my sister, seven years older than me, and she’d let me win just to cheer me up, which also gave me an extra boost of joy and love for her.

Therefore, by the time I went to school, I was 100% certain that everyone liked tickling, they just played the game of pretending, while actually having fun. I was called a local tickle monster among my classmates and some of the teachers as I kept tickling my friends all over the school, and I was a very social kid, so it might have been around 30 people on my “wanted” list x) Thinking about it now, I don’t remember a single kid actually getting uncomfortable or disliking the tickling. Maybe that’s because my tickles were gentle and didn’t last long as I was afraid of accidentally hurting peeps and made sure to keep it light. There also was a girl, around 15 years old, who really liked me and treated me like a younger sister because she thought I was a cute kid. She’d hang out with me and some of my classmates during breaks, put me on her lap, tell the stupidest jokes one could possibly come up with, and then tickle me silly, saying “See? I knew it was funny, you’re laughing!”. Unfortunately, I changed schools, and we never saw each other again, but it was fun while it lasted.

When I got older, like 12 or so, I remember there was a girl who kept initiating tickle fights with me on a daily basis, that was so much fun, basically my number 1 reason to go to school at the time x). I was a little overweight and insecure about my appearance, so her willingly touching me (as well as hugging me after the tickling) and saying that my giggles were cute made me feel so much better about myself, no words can possibly describe it. She was definitely a lot rougher than me when it came to tickling, but it was fine, maybe because I wasn’t that ticklish, so it didn’t bother me much. I even remember teachers watching us and smiling. Back then I didn’t feel embarrassed in the slightest, I treated it as any other form of fun activities, like playing hide and seek or drawing. Though it didn’t last long.

Next year, when I was 13, we got a new classmate, she was nice, but her mood kept changing every ten minutes, it was weird, probably a puberty thing, but still. We quickly became friends, and eventually, after about two weeks of getting to know each other, I started tickling her, and she became completely enraged. She yelled at me, slapped my hands away and started a whole ass rant about how people who tickle others are annoying and rude, while threatening to punch me if I tickle her again. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. It’s like my entire world got turned inside out, and I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself that all I could do was apologise and leave. Of course, now, as an adult, I understand that her reaction was way too intense, and I should’ve at least clarified that I didn’t mean to upset her. But back then I got absolutely mortified. As a cherry on top she started avoiding me like I did something terrible, and only in about three weeks she came up to me out of the blue and started a conversation like nothing happened. It felt weird, but I was so glad she seemed to have forgiven me I didn’t bother to ask questions. But that’s when the shame all tickling community knows started forming. “What if other people whom I tickled actually didn’t enjoy it? I haven’t seen someone tickling others as often as I did, what if it’s not okay to act like I do? What if I’m some kind of creep to others? What if I have been a creep this whole time, but no one bothered to tell me? Bad people don’t know or don’t care if they’re bad, they just do whatever they please, just like I did with my friends before. What if I’m actually a bad person? A creep?” Yeah, well, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Among puberty-related things, that made me feel insecure as well and I stopped being as social as I was, I closed off, but the need to have tickles in my life persisted, and I started watching those silly tickling moments from cartoons and anime posted on YouTube. Watching them has always made me smile, and it felt like a void inside me started to fill up. I can only compare the feeling to hugging my boyfriend or receiving support from my friends - that fuzzy feeling that makes life worth living. I remember panicking when these videos started appearing on my feed even after I deleted them from my YouTube history, as it felt like I’m doing something perverted and unnatural. Once, the videos popped up on my main YouTube page while I was watching stuff with my friend, and I was mortified. She didn’t question it, not sure if she even noticed, but I wanted to die right there on the spot. When I was thinking all of it over as a teen, I used to compare myself to creepy fetishists, who pile up various disturbing stuff in their PC folder just to open when no one’s looking. The thought made me cry so many times I can’t even count, as I couldn’t share with anyone about it, and I assured myself that I am a creep, so if I want to stop being one I should get rid of that liking tickling thing and enjoy “normal” stuff. So I deleted all of the saved videos, art and other stuff, unfollowed the creators and went on with my life. It was a difficult decision, but I was determined.

Several months later my classmates (13-15 years old) started a massive tickle fight, among like ten or so people, and it all was happening right in front of me. I was staring at them with googly eyes, sitting there all tensed up and confused like ??? You’re all not supposed to do that??? How dare you??? And it was mostly among boys, so one of them approached me with a big grin on his face, and some sort of Tarantino dialogue happened

— Hey, why aren’t you participating? Are you not ticklish?

— N-No…

And he proceeded to start tickling me, but I didn’t react, either because I was still shocked or because I didn’t want to be a part of it, I’m not sure myself. And when he saw the lack of reaction, I swear to god, he was UPSET. He lowered his head and pouted a little, mumbling something like “damn, okay”. I can’t say for sure whether he was upset because of me (presumably) not being ticklish, or because he wanted to make me react, but something in my head clicked. Like… “oh, you want tickles? I’ll give you tickles!” And I started tickling him back furiously. Nothing painful or uncomfortable, just rather intense as I targeted almost all of his upper body at the same time. The guy’s laughter was silent, and he leaned over, shaking with inaudible giggles, but he didn’t try to get away. Not even once. When I realised what I was doing, I stopped, feeling mortified once again. It felt like I was using him for my “perverted” needs, like I just submerged this boy to something he doesn’t enjoy for my “sick” pleasure. You know that feeling when you’re about to explode with crying, but you hold yourself back as much as you can with what little power you still have? Yeah, that was how I felt. When suddenly he sat up with an even bigger grin on his face than before, looked at me with such a happy, excited expression, and then turned to the others, yelling out “Beware! She’s not ticklish, and she’s a master tickler!” Then he glanced back at me and said “Hey, it’s not fair you’re not ticklish, you’re imbalanced! (Russian slang for someone or something way mightier than their group) Come with us, you’d be an absolute winner!” [Love men’s urge to constantly compete lol]

A school bell, indicating that the next lesson is starting, saved my sorry ass. Imagine how hard it was to concentrate on studying after all of that x)

By the time I came home I was so confused I could barely talk to anyone, completely stuck in my own thoughts. It seemed like they all were enjoying the tickling, and they were participating in it willingly, having fun together. No one minded getting tickled, and even though no one said out loud that they enjoyed it, it was obvious. So my brain gears started rotating. If it’s okay for others to enjoy tickling, why can’t it be okay for me? Yes, maybe I like it more than they do, but what’s so bad about it? Some people like martial arts, some people like drawing, dragons, marine biology, sports, massages, and I like tickling! It’s a special interest, my special interest. I do it because it feels nice, and not only it makes me happy, other people enjoy it too! Not everyone, naturally, just like not everyone likes being touched in general. But to people, who enjoy tickling, it’s a nice way to unwind and have fun. It’s some kind of monkey brain thing like “me make other monkey happy with tickles, other monkey happy = I happy”. Apes together strong x)

And slowly but surely I began my research, checking what it’s like to enjoy tickling, how it works in biology and psychology, why some people like it and some don’t, why some are more ticklish than others and whatnot. It was fascinating. Humans are so fucking weird (affectionately), there’re so many details, nooks and crannies that take part in our existence…

But scientific part aside, I decided to switch on my critical thinking skills as well and actually look at my situation from someone else’s perspective. And eventually came up with a basic scheme. The questions I asked myself were:

1. Do I harm anyone, including myself, by liking/participating in tickling?

2. Does tickling bring me joy?

3. Do I violate people’s boundaries by tickling them?

4. Is it considered inappropriate to enjoy tickling?

As a result, I came up with several conclusions, which can be summed up in one statement

“If tickling is consensual and brings joy to both parties, there shouldn’t be any problems with it”

Maybe you noticed that some people who don’t have tickling as their special interest enjoy it too! It is a form of affection after all, so, since it brings me joy, why should I be embarrassed about it? Don’t get me wrong, even though all of my friends know I like tickling (they saw my art, we’ve talked about it a lot, I share the news of what’s up with the community and many other things), sometimes I get so fucking embarrassed I don’t have words to describe such strong emotions. Fortunately, my friends are good people, they remind me that it’s okay… it doesn’t stop them from poking and teasing me, but can’t say that I mind x) Even people like my brother’s wife know about that special interest of mine, and ALL of them, and I mean EVERY SINGLE PERSON think that it’s okay. Some said that it’s even cute. But it still wasn’t enough for me to let go and enjoy myself, so I decided to contact a specialist.

By the time I became an adult I decided to talk about my liking of tickling with my therapist, and mind you this woman was definitely overqualified when it comes to all the stuff I asked her. Looking back at it I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it might have looked to her.

“Hello, my name is Erin, I’m 22, I really like tickles, both tickling and being tickled, is there something wrong with me? 🥺”

I bow to her ability of keeping a poker face. True professional. I don’t want to go into the details, but overall she said that enjoying platonic tickles is actually very common, especially for people on autism spectrum and those with ADHD (aka me). [Not that everyone who likes tickles should immediately get tested] She told me that she had a patient with severe autism, he had trouble talking to people, and he didn’t enjoy being touched. So whenever he wanted to express affection for his family members, he’d gently tickle their side a little and smile at them. Tickling was his love language. And, in case anyone is still wondering about whether tickling can only be a kink, I really doubt that it was anything sexual for him. By the way, you can read a post made by an actual psychologist regarding tickling not necessarily being a kink.

And since tickling has always been the main form of affection I received, it’s only natural that I carried it into adulthood. I’m 25 years old, a whole grown ass woman with a degree, a job, my own apartment and goals to achieve. Why on Earth would I drop enjoying something as lighthearted and fun as tickling because someone considers it weird?

The actually weird thing is telling people what they are, and what they’re supposed or not supposed to enjoy.

If getting tickled silly by my man is what makes me happy, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

Peace out, have fun, and stay true to yourself ✌🏻

Hope my post helps you feel at least a little better 🌸

[nerogurl]

Hey! I saw your page n i was genuinely sooo geeked i love f&h and have lowk been wishing someone had matchups open for them. Thank you SOO much in advance!

 

I’m 20 years old so anyone that age or older would be awesomeee. My pronouns are He/She and I’m into guys, if possible could I get a character from both games? If not, do whatever you feel likee!!

Personality wise, I consider myself chill and super easy to talk to. I can easily be pulled out of my shell and talk to you like you’re a good friend, even if we’re just meeting. I have a strong sense of humor, my humor consists of banter and keeping a bit going, I also like jabs and I think that making whoever I’m joking around with look like an asshole is funny.  I’m a big shit talker too. I lack empathy just a bit. I still try my best to console, but I either don’t really understand it or…… care. I’ll come to the situation with logic and a level head, but if I’m upset, then it’s almost the end of the world (I’m dramatic and sensitive even if I don’t seem like it outwardly).  I’m usually really laid back but I have my moments of being weird or awkward, it usually manifests in awkward tics like obsessively adjusting my glasses or touching the bridge of my nose while I’m talking or after. I’m incredibly opinionated and I like to be outspoken on what I believe.

For likes and dislikes uhmm… I like stuff like cats, piercings… Ironically enough I don’t really like sweets despite working at a bakery, I definitely favor savory food. I don’t like people who lack manners and I hate embarrassing situations- I get second hand embarrassment soo bad like I have to leave the room if something embarrassing is happening, despite this ironically weird and embarrassing to embarrass people around me is sooo funny to me, I just like fucking with people.

I’m not picky with partners, I’d say the biggest thing I want from a partner is someone who can communicate. I’m patient for the most part but if you can’t just talk to me I’m gonna like blow a gasket.  I also would need someone who’s touchy-feely, maybe not affection wise, but I'm very hands-on; smacking them whenever I'm laughing too hard or if I’m shocked, smacking them on tha butt, sorrryyy! I would say my love language isn’t exactly physical affection as I don’t really care for stuff like hugs but I’m just a touchy person… I would consider my love language to be gift giving however, I love giving and receiving, I also love words of affirmation but I admittedly am quick to embarrass when it comes to ANY type of affection

For hobbies and stuff, I love art. Drawing is my biggest hobby, and it has been for years and years…! I'm also really into listening to music, mainly rock and metal. I also luuv smoking (not cigarettes eww), but I don’t do it alot, baking/cooking is nice toooo. I really like napping too- it’s probably not an actual hobby I guess… to me it’s a damn sport I sleep with a fucking sleeping mask bro……… a little embarrassing but hay..

I lean towards being feminine, I.e longer hair with bangs and stuff. I’m really particular about my hair, not that I want it to look nice and clean, it needs to be purposefully messy. I love piercings, I have an eyebrow, septum, and navel. I don't really dress up.. Comfortability > Fashion.

Again, thank you SOOO MUUCH have an awesome day/night <3

Right in time before 2025, here's a New Years gift from me to you!

First up, we have Enki. I think it's an important distinction to make that you mentioned that you wait *after* you've starting the relationship, that you get touchy and like to tease people. When Enki has low mind in the party, Rag teases him concerning his Dark Priest status over that he would so easily give into the darkness. Instead of anger, for the first and only time in-game we see Enki genuinely amused.

Touching Enki without permission is a good way to get a Hurting to the face. His unfamiliarity with intimacy is what can spell his undoing, found to have become an abominal marriage in hard mode. But just like how he accepts the teasing from someone he's formed a bond with, he cops your handsy touch with the same attitude of a bickering old married couple; grumbling over how insufferable you are as he squeezes you back. 

He wouldn't want someone too involved, as he would assume that he was being used for his magic. Much like how he does in the game, he becomes enraged if you try to talk to him too many times. Your initial laidback attitude helps establish a bond through close proximity, while your charisma works on slowly breaching the gap, building the rappour required to lure him out of his All-mer conservative expression and biting Gro-goroth defensiveness, to release his more vulnerable Sylvian side.

The only way you can recruit Enki is if you have a Eclipse Talisman to exchange for his services. He could just kill you or exchange something for the amulet, but he creates a scenario that involves him joining the party. Out of touch with his emotions, his headspace parallel's your apathetic nature. You two share a similar way of managing conflict and resolving issues that would help you understand each other better when being vulnerable.  

Enki could relate to your career dynamic of not liking pastries but working as a baker. I imagine in a modern world he would find himself dealing with similar assumptions, having to deal with people that think because he reads that he must like fiction. If in response to talking about the occult someone asks him if he likes Harry Potter one more time it is going to trigger an unbridled homicidal rage the likes of which no one has ever seen before.

Second, we have O'ssa! O'ssa is the only canonical prankster of the cast, with him pretending to be a Dark Priest at the confessional. Once you start the teasing or play a jest, you immediately see the gears turning in his head. You would be screwing with the 'priest' by confessing to strange behaviour ('I like to drink milk after its become raw to feel the chunky texture in my mouth') to bizarre fetishes ('All-mer wants us to eat his body. Is it a sin to enjoy it too much? I mean, if you think about it, God wants to devour *our* bodies, so when I confess it's a bit like you're .... *uncomfortable prolonged eye contact through the eye-slot*..... devouring my flesh.') 'Again..... really weird.... but not a sin.' But being very easy to wind up makes it very easy to set you up in revenge. He's going to have a lot of fun concocting the most unhinged form of repentance, to make you dread the potential confrontation waiting for you, walking out of that confessional.

Humour is a form of communication, that as a social species, people naturally want that connection reciprocated. If you decide to attack him after he leaves the confessional, he replies 'I didn't realise it was this big of an insult.' Even if the exchange is just in passing, his feelings are hurt by you rejecting this connection so violently. His first instinct despite closing himself off emotionally, is to not put up a front, but to be earnest in communicating how he feels. O'ssa is good at maintaining a level head during emotionally charged conflicts. Especially valuable for aiding in deescalation and baring through the storm, he'd be capable of the reasonable discussion that you desire in a partner.

This emotional security crosses over into his love language. He shares the same attitudes as you to intimacy. He doesn't need reassurance that he's loved with platitudes like a kiss good morning or hug goodnight. However, he notes when at a discovered Slyvian circle, that he's disappointed that that's the extent of all the town has to offer, he shares your comfort for being physical where it counts. The type that wants show that they love you, gift giving fits his eccentric personality perfectly. Throw pillows, silk lien, incense, so you can relax together in luxury. 

You can draw him as a gift! Drawing is one the most admirable artistic skills you could have, in O'ssa's eyes. In the slums, he explains that he believes that there is no point in feeling sorry for the people, as they are responsible for their own lives unless you actually want to do something about it. Like dragging oneself out of hell, drawing is a skill driven by personal determination, that no privilege could teach you like practise. He respects the effort behind the craft. 

Despite what first impressions might imply, that he dislikes modern comforts, such as his distain for modern literature, this only applies to the Western society that he sees as interwoven with the All-mer faith he despises. All-mer philosophy is heavily tied to our real world counterpart, Catholicism, denouncing indulgence as sin. Meanwhile, Sylvia and Gro-goroth have no such issues. The trick is not do so in excess so you don't lose your mind, if you can recall the coin events for each cult in the first game. Sleep as much as you like. While you're napping in the afternoon, he'll gently sit nearby as to not disturb you and meditate. You can relax and he can keep an eye, so you don't lose the day to your beauty sleep. 

Tdlr; O'ssa & Enki are your matches. Overall, I think that O'ssa is your best match.

[saturnluvva]

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS

Summary : when bsf!matt and fem!reader accidentally make out at a Halloween party Matt ends up distancing himself from her

Warning(s) : slight angst, yelling, smut??, making out, distancing??

A/N: this used to be my fav song on Igor but now it’s like my top 5😭

Pairings: Matt x reader

Y/N, MATT. NICK, CHRIS,NATE, MADI

It all started three weeks ago when I was invited to a Halloween party by my friend Madi. I thought it would be fun, innocent, and a good time to socialize. But of course not it’s always something when I wanna have fun.

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

“What are you dressed up as again?”

“That one bitch from subway surfers”

Nick then bursted out laughing and because I thought his laugh was so dramatic I ended up laughing too. We had laughed for a good 30 seconds before Matt walked up to us. “Hey wo- what the fuck nick?! You stole my costume!”

“I wore it better” Nick always had then intimidating voice. It scared me sometimes “what?! Y/n who wore the costume better?” “You both look like dumbasses” they both then turned to me with the most shocked look on their faces as if I’m the problem now “bitch how?!” “Huh?!”

“Well for starters” I started to argue “you’re both GROWN ASS men dressed up as woody. And not only that you’re both fighting over who looks better as if you both didn’t buy the EXACT same costume kit. It’s kinda embarrassing.” And of course they both rolled their eyes.

“I feel insulted so I’m gonna go talk to Madi because she actually knows how to be nice” Nick then walked away and left me with Matt.

“What a dick right?” “I’m not saying you look better than him.” “Dammit.”

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

A few hours later I ended up hella drunk and stumbling around. “Woah dude” I looked up and noticed Matt looking down at me with a huge look of concern “what?” I had slurred my words “you wanna go upstairs or something?” “Uhh sure”

Now that me and Matt are upstairs we went to an empty guest room and sat on the bed that was in there. “So…” “I’m still not saying you look better than Nick!” “Why not!?” “Because this is stupid” I laughed throughout my words. Luckily Matt started laughing too “whatever dude! I know I look better than him! And if not tonight then every other day i definitely do!” “Okay dude sure” “cmon you can’t even lie!” We had made eye contact. I then noticed him scooting closer to me. He got closer and closer and closer until he ended up kissing me for 30 seconds. I then pushed him off of me and gave him a look that an angry grandma would give you if you broke her heart. “Dude what the fuck?! Why would you kiss me?!” I then rubbed my lips as if I was trying to kiss him.

“I thought you wanted to.” “WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!” “We made eye contact! That’s what usually happens” “where?! Romance movies” “well…yeah! But it also works in real life!” I then groaned out stormed out of the room. Even In my drunken state I would NEVER take advantage of someone like that so why did Matt do that?! And I knew he was sober because he never drinks. I couldn’t believe him

When I arrived downstairs I had seen people looking at me. I guess they heard what happened upstairs “y/n what’s going on? “”What happened?” “Where’s Matt?” Were all things I heard. And unsurprisingly nobody was concerned about me! Only Matt as always. It’s like I wanted to be mad at everyone else but I was only mad at myself for letting myself get drunk AND being in a room alone with a guy like Matt. Sure he was one my bestfriends but he’s also a dick sometimes.

I ended up leaving the party and walking to my dorm room that I shared with Madi.

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

Now it’s been three weeks and I’ve been distancing myself from Matt, Nick, and Chris. I even forced Madi to not talk about me infront of them incase they’d forgotten about me. Did I HAVE to do all of this? No. Did I NEED to do all of this? No. did I WANT to do all of this? Yes.

But of course the universe hates me so I ended up being seen by Matt anyways. “Y/n?” My head instantly shot up. Fuck. “Yeah…?” “Where have you been? I was worried sick about you!” “I don’t know.” “Bullshit.” “What?!” “You know I can tell when you’re lying right” well that’s what I get for being friends with a man. “Were you avoiding me?!” “Maybe.” “Why?!” “Because I don’t wanna look at you! You made things awkward” “how?! What did I do?” “You kissed me!” “Oh my god! You’re still stuck on that?!” “Yes because i wanna know why you did it!” And of course he walked away.

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

MAKING A PART 2 SOON MAYBE BC IM LAZY ASF

[sandyca5tle]

Slime HRT - 6 Months

Back again for six months of slime hrt. Starting to see more noticeable changes over the last two months, things are revving up!

First things first: I’ve actually got some slime now!! It’s only the skin on the tips of my fingers and toes, since they’re the thinnest part of my body, but they’re slime! (my hair’s also changed some more, but I’ll talk about that after this) It is a little weird since it’s only the skin, so I can see the musculature that resides beneath since the slime is translucent, but hopefully that’ll turn soon too. I was a little worried about infections, since obviously the skin is normally there to protect all the inside bits, but apparently my slime does the same job, if not better, since it can dissolve any germs and stuff that enter it.

I have gotten a couple of weirded out responses from people who’ve noticed, although one or two were a little fascinated by it as well, and a few people have given me… less than nice looks and remarks, but I've been trying to ignore and shrug them off… 

The other thing I’ve had to get used to is that, while my slime can dissolve microscopic things like germs and viruses, fluff and lint get stuck in there, so I have to pull them out. It’s a little annoying, since I kinda pick up any small fragments of anything, but it is a kinda nice sensation, almost like peeling dried glue off your hands, although that still wins on most satisfying.

As I said before my hair has also changed, it’s basically completely slime now, and is more one solid shape than individual strands, although there’s still a few holdouts. It has made it much easier to style as well, since it’s more like shaping clay, so I’ve been messing around with that a little too. Wearing a headset to play games does tend to cause issues though, since the weight tends to deform it, and I’m not at the point where I can just mentally reshape it, so I always have to find a mirror to help fix it after I’ve finished (Had a few embarrassing moments where I had a lovely imprint of my headset in my hair). Having a solid blob of slime around and at times resting against my face has been… interesting and it can be a little uncomfortable at times, since it kinda feels wet and, well, slimy. Kinda hoping that that’ll change once my face changes to slime as well, since they’ll match, so my sense about it will change too.

Naturally, actually being part slime now, my thirst has gotten worse, and I’m really having to keep on top of it; my body is sure to let me know if I’m not. I’m hoping that I won’t need to drink so much once I’m done, but we’ll have to see. 

On top of the thirst, I’ve now also been getting small cravings for sweet things, which I’m guessing is ‘cause I’m gonna be a sap slime, so I need to get the additional sugar for sweetness. On that note, my fingertips actually do taste a little sweet when I lick them, so that’s neat.

My skin is also undeniably orange now, although it’s a subtle shade for now, which is a small blessing, but yeah, really reaching the point where I can’t pass things off as a trick of the light. On the note of skin, where the slime meets skin is really weird, and I’ve had to stop myself picking at the less sensitive areas - found out the hard way that hitting mostly exposed nerve ending really fucking hurts.

That’s pretty much it for this month, but yeah, glad to have really noticeable changes finally. Will see you in the next update.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ First - Prev - Next

[yosuwo]

Unrequited Love?

Part 1/?

Part 2

Summary: I'm not really good at summarys but basically, reader has a crush on wanda but wanda ignores reader idk😭

Notes: this is my first time writing a fanfic, please tell me if I made any mistakes. Also English isn't my first language so it might have some grammar mistakes

High school AU

“Hey, Wanda!” I greet my classmate as she walks past me with a sigh, once again not bothering to acknowledge me. This has been going on for some time now: whenever she sees me, Wanda rolls her eyes in my direction and continues walking, treating me as if I’m unworthy of even being acknowledged.

I just want to be friends with Wanda, but there’s something about me that’s rubbing her the wrong way. Maybe she thinks I’m trying to compete with her as the most popular girl at the school.

That's what my friends said.

"Give it up, Y/N.” Yelena sighs, "You're just making a fool out of yourself at this point."

"True," Kate agrees, chuckling, "She probably thinks you're trying to steal her spotlight as the most popular girl here at NYH."

"I can't!" I groan at my friends, as they peer at me, confused by my attachment to Wanda.

"What do you like about her anyway?" Kate asks. Her tone is half playful, half teasing, but there's also a sense of genuine concern about my well-being.

"I.... I don't know," I mumble, embarrassed to admit the truth. Something about Wanda pulls me toward her like a magnet. I can't explain it, but I feel like I'm in her orbit, drawn to her without reason or restraint.

As the bell rings signalling the end of lunch, my friends and I disperse, heading off to our respective classes.

I hurry off to class, thinking about what my friends had said to me. What is it about Wanda that draws me to her so much? Or are they right that I'm only making a fool of myself by obsessing over a girl who clearly isn't interested in me?

I sigh and shake my head, hoping I'll be able to focus on my work in class. But it seems like Wanda is always on my mind, no matter what I do.

"L/N?" Professor Fury calls, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Huh?" I blink, confused.

"I asked you a question," he continues, "are you going to answer or are you too busy daydreaming?"

I flush red in embarrassment as my classmates snicker around me.

----

I stood there, embarrassed and unable to answer Professor Fury's question.

"Anyone like to help L/N here?" he asked the class, to no response.

It seemed like an eternity of silence.

Then, to my surprise, Wanda stood up to help me. Her emerald green eyes met mine briefly before she looked away, answering Professor Fury's question correctly.

I sat back down when she finished, my face burning with embarrassment. Was I embarrassed that I had failed to answer the question? Or was I just flustered that Wanda had looked at me?

---

Class finally ended, and people quickly left the room. I gathered my things quickly and saw Wanda leaving, so I hurried over to catch up with her.

"Wanda!" I called out, hurrying up beside her as she walked out the door. "Hey," I panted, relieved to finally be near her.

She sighed, visibly annoyed as she squeezed her eyes shut. Turning to face me, she opened her eyes and spoke: "What?"

"Why did you do that?" I ask, ignoring her annoyance. "why did you help me?"

"Help you with what?" she asks, annoyed.

Is she being oblivious right now?

"Help me with the question." I rolled my eyes

Wanda looked away, trying to find an answer.

After a moment of silence,

She looked back at me and I swear I saw her blush.

"I-" Wanda finally let out, but is interrupted by my friend Yelena shouting "Y/N!"

I turn to my friend, "Hey." Yelena greets me, "Sorry but I can't walk with you home later, me and Kate are gonna have a 'friendly' date." Yelena explains, leaving little room for doubt as to what she means

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Bros before bitches, I guess," I roll my eyes and hit her arm playfully laughing together.

As Yelena leaves, I turn back to Wanda only to find her gone.

"Thanks, i suppose" i roll my eyes throwing my head back in annoyance.

Guys idk if I should continue this so please let me know hrhrhrh😭😭

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

listen... listen. i'd love just as much as anybody to get to make a fool of myself in person with all my fellow fools, as opposed to making a collective fool of ourselves online. I just don't know if we have the brainpower to organize it. The first dashcon, as far as i know, was a logistical disaster. I know there's a spreadsheet side of tumblr, and... *shudder* a business side (I checked) but are they willing to help? are we willing to accept their help?

More issues to consider: With the cost of living and travel and the very decentralized tumblr userbase, on what continent would dashcon 2.0 be held? would there need to be online signups? payments? a website? who would create and oversee those things?

What if we tried to have a number of smaller cons for different regions? Only around 600 folks have answered 100% YES on your poll - How many users need to show up before we have folks from enough major communities to feel like a true tumblr party? How do we guarantee those numbers? What about major blogs? do we just hope they show up or pay them to sign autographs? is it a multi-day affair, like dashcon tried to be, or do we aim low?

There is so much that goes into an event like this- transit, trucking, storage, space, sign-ups, accounting, licensing, begging, scheduling, convincing, emailing, hiring, firing, decorating, ordering, packing... I haven't even gotten to the tip of the iceberg meme.

Do we hire planners and event companies, or are we too embarrassed to ask? How does everyone work around their day jobs and careers? Who is organizing dashcon 2.0, and what is their stake in it? How do we not repeat the mistakes of those who came before us?

Anyway, if you're gonna do it, I want to help. let's talk.

hmm alright I have thoughts

because I agree, I don’t know if we have the brainpower or money to organize it. my sincere hope with posting about a hypothetical dashcon has been that some super determined millionaire would be like “hey here- have this money and here’s a bunch of connections I have to people to help you organize this”…..so basically lots and lots of wishful thinking lmao.

while the business side of tumblr does seem terrifying, we might have to accept their help if they’re willing.

all of the logistics you mentioned are very very true things that I imagine the original dashcon creators didn’t fully take into account (or i’d assume as much based on the chaos that ensued lol)

as for location, yeahhh that’s the definite hard part. in my head, I keep seeing this as like a vidcon (which is terrible because it wouldn’t be as big but idk) which is held in California. but idk how feasible that is for the average Tumblr base. and that does definitely cut down the amount of people that would be able or willing to come so idk.

and I also imagine having like panels and possibly meet and greets or something with major blog owners, but idk if we’d just beg them to come or find a way to pay them.

As for the whole last paragraph- aaaaah I have absolutely no idea.

i’m definitely not going to spearhead organizing such an event (mostly because I don’t want my real name associated with it in case it goes to shit again lmaoo) but if someone else had more resources to do so, I would absolutely be willing to help.

and if anyone sees this and has conference-planning experience and wants to help make a bunch of wishful Tumblr users dreams come true…. please let me know and i’d love to help!

[candyheartedchy]

You’re safe with us….

OK BUT ACTUALLY IM SO HAPPY TO SEE CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS ART FROM YOU??? What made you wanna rewatch the movie again? Got any info on your self insert that you’d like to share 👀👀👀?

(Still giggling over this cause I’ve been in hiding crushing on Krupp and captain for so long. It’s reliving to know I’m not insane LOL)

Okay so I’m gonna start at the beginning because it’s amusing to me.

Back when the movie was first being advertised, I was curious because I immediately remembered reading the books back in elementary school when me and my classmates would passed around the books to take turns reading. So of course due to nostalgia I ended up going to the theater to watch it (like imagine how embarrassed I was when the ticket person shouted out for tickets for Captain Underpants movie out loud in front of a whole line of people behind me hdhhd). So imagine this, I’m just drinking my soda, watching the movie until the one scene of his stroking the toy/spy turtle with his finger comes up,

and I end up getting SUPER flustered, sitting there like:

It already didnt help that when his character smiled mischievously here and there, I end up blushing, but then when CU shows up, I end up really shy and a blushing mess. And I’m just “OH NOOOO.”

So right after I left the movie theater, I ended up going back home and rewatching clips online and like kicking my feet like a fool, just giggly and planning on a self ship before stopping myself due to embarrassment. But I kept reading like x readers imagines about him on tumblr here and there though. Eventually I blocked him out I guess until following a few mutuals who would reblog/post about the character and then I was like, “IS THIS A SIGN?!!” and went to rewatch the movie because this whole time it was avoiding seeing the film and character again because I was TERRIFIED of catching feelings. But also some fan art I seen of CU/Krupp didn’t help either that whole time because some of it was REALLY GOOD 🫣 fdjgjhgk

As for my sona’s info, the original one I had was her being an art teacher at the school, but idk if that has been use so many times or not for CU ocs?? But the idea of her being a villain is kinda a fun idea too so idk yet.

[jeork]

TC Tag Game

As always I’m excessively late to the party, but thanks @renaultphile for the tag!

1. "He would not fucking say that" only they did and it's canon. When/who?

I don’t have a copy of the book at hand right now, but while Laurie is visiting home for the wedding he goes on a walk and recites this weird incest-y song to himself, then contemplates how it always felt relatable to him. I’m not saying he would not fucking say that, because obviously he does and I hear him quite clearly. But I am saying maybe he should not have fucking said that. 

Also Ralph calling Bunny “Boo”. I don’t care how drunk he was, you don’t randomly slip out with a word you wouldn’t otherwise use. It’s part of his vocabulary. This one had me in contemplation for months, like, would he ever call Laurie that? Does this count towards the bad habits and lifestyle choices he wants to abandon while being with Laurie? Whole scene’s just embarrassing af 

2. Did they kiss in the study? Yes/no + why you are 100% correct about this.

I think they probably did, but that it was very chaste. I’m convinced the kiss between Laurie and Andrew is supposed to mirror it almost exactly. The way I see it, Laurie didn’t fully process it and therefore just stood there. From the flashback he got later on while holding onto Ralph’s sleeve while they’re in Ralph's room I think Laurie might’ve grabbed onto Ralph’s arm a little. But other than that I don’t think he did much, which made Ralph decide he wasn’t ready yet.

3. Mandatory question about Ralph's alleged tattoos.

I wasn’t aware this is something people discuss lmao, I’ve only thought about it once myself. Gonna be a party pooper and say he has none, as it's "improper"

4. 53 vs 59 edition: quote a line or paragraph that is better in the edition you like the least.

I feel like me and @renaultphile are the only ‘59 truthers. I think I once even wrote an entire post just on why I like that Mary cut the knee-touch?

Again, don’t have any book copies at hand right now, but I remember one small detail in the ‘53 I really loved. During Alec’s birthday party while he’s blowing out the candles everyone is looking at him, and for a moment there’s this shared feeling of hopefulness. In the ‘53 Laurie feels someone’s eyes on him, but by the time he turns around Ralph has already stopped looking. Something about Ralph glancing at Laurie in this moment, who’s presence represents so much to Ralph, makes me ache. 

5. Which TC character would feel right at home here on tumblr dot com?

I guess the obvious answers would be something like Hazell, Sandy or Bunny, but I feel like Andrew would run the most terrifically angsty aesthetic account. Also young Laurie, he'd probably write bad poetry or something

6. Tag yourself at Alec's birthday party.

The two guys holding hands in dead silence, not because I can relate, but because they really set the scene. Or the petty shit-stirrer who snitches on Ralph having a boyfriend. Or the other petty shit-stirrer who cries "Here comes Bim"

7. Post a TC meme.

I used to run a TC meme account over on Twitter. I’ve planned on reposting all of that stuff on here sometime, in the meantime here’s one: 

8. Easy to talk about who deserved better. Who deserved worse?

Dave. The Mature Wholesome Elder act he’s putting on at the end is pissing me off. Self-serving cu- 

Also, following the heavy implications that Alec had been snuggling it up with Bunny for quite a while, I think he got off pretty scot free 

9. You can break the fourth wall (at any point in the novel) and say a single sentence to our protagonist, Laurie Odell. What do you say?

I really wanted him to stay friends with Reg. I always felt like Madge’s Aunt Vera joke was pretty funny and well intended, albeit improper and terribly timed. It didn’t come off to me as her making fun of him for being gay. More like her trying to awkwardly bond over it, similar to Reg during The Bathroom Talk™. If Laurie hadn’t been so emotionally rattled at that time I feel like he would’ve played it off. It was such bad timing for him. So I wanna scream at him “Chill out, they’re clearly not out to get you!” 

10. What's a question you have about TC? One you haven't found an answer for yet.

I think there still might be a couple minor details, but I can’t remember them right now. The only bigger piece of dialogue that’s still a little intransparent to me is Ralph’s whole speech at the beginning of their post-wedding trip argument. I have my theories about it, but would also enjoy to hear more. 

Considering I’m over a month late and have no clue who did this tag already I’ll open it up to whoever might still wanna do it. 

[a-crumb-of-whump]

A New Beginning #14: Adoration

Masterlist | AO3

Content: Vamprie whumpee, recovery, multiple caretakers, human caretaker, PTSD/trauma, meltdown/panic attack, [implied] self harm (for the sake of food), blood (once again, for the sake of food), fear of being alone.

I am exhausted and haven't actually proof read this or anything, but i promised myself i'd post something before i fell asleep LOL.

-

It was only a few days after the gathering they’d had that Carlos heard from his new friend again. He hadn’t really thought much of it at first - Ryker was often getting calls from his employees and other important people that Carlos had never met, so it came as a surprise when the human called him into the living room and held out the phone to him with a polite smile. 

“Hey, man,” he greeted, already beginning to get out of his seat to make room for the vampire to sit down instead. “Charlie’s on the phone. Said he wanted to see how you were going. Would you like to sit down and talk to him while I get your breakfast ready?” 

Did he? What kind of question was that? 

“Yes please!” he chirped, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he took the phone from his human’s hand and sat down on the couch Ryker had just been sitting in. It was still warm, and he found himself snuggling further into the seat as he greeted the other human on the phone. “Good morning!” 

“Good morning to you, too,” Charlie spoke warmly. He still sounded a little groggy, like he hadn’t been awake for long, but Carlos could still hear the faint smile on his face regardless. “You’re sounding rather chipper. How’ve you been?” 

The vampire brought his knees to his chest and began to fiddle with the fabric of his pyjama bottoms as he talked. “I have been well, I think! I’m a little restless today, but Ryker said I just need some mental stimulation. So, he’s gonna set up some stuff for us to do later on.” Then he jumped all of a sudden, feeling as if he’d already forgotten his own manners. “Uhm- and how are you, Charlie?” 

“I’m okay, thank you for asking.” The tone in Charlie’s voice hadn’t shifted, instead remaining light and friendly, despite the fact that he clearly wasn’t all that awake just yet. “I have work today, unfortunately, hence why I’m awake so early. Though, I was actually thinking about dropping by for an hour afterwards, if that’s okay with you?”

Carlos found himself mildly confused. Why was he asking for permission from him to come and see Ryker and Adam? Were they even going to be around today? He thought he recalled the two of them informing him that they wouldn’t be around all that much this week. Had they not told Charlie?

“Uhm…” The vampire didn’t even really know how to answer. “Y-yes?”

Thankfully for him, Charlie seemed to catch on to his confusion pretty quickly. “You sound a little unsure? What’s on your mind?”

“...I guess I don’t really understand why you’re asking for my permission to come visit Adam and Ryker?”

He blinked cluelessly at the sound of Charlie’s light laugh. He didn’t think he’d said anything funny. Did Charlie not realise he was being serious? Though his cheeks flushed red at the embarrassment of being laughed at, he chose not to say anything else.

“You sweet thing. I meant I wanted to come see you. They’re both out this afternoon anyway, aren’t they? I think Ryker said their work schedules are pretty similar this week.”

Oh. It made sense now. However… it also didn’t. 

“You- you want to see me?” the vampire tilted his head. His fingers clutched the phone a little tighter as his heartbeat picked up a bit. This was so exciting. “Really? I- I’m not very good at talking to other people. People, uhm… they scare me.” 

“They scare me, too, buddy. You’re all good. Look, we can give it a miss today if you want? I’m happy to wait until a time where you’re feeling more comfy or one of the guys is around. I totally get it.” 

Carlos could have sworn he felt his heart stop for a moment. 

“No!” he practically cried, leaning forward in his seat as if it could possibly make his point any clearer. He had a death grip on the phone pressed to his ear while his other shaking hand dug Its nails into the leather that made up the couch. “N-no, please, I’ve only ever had two friends in my life. I love them so- so much b-but I don’t wanna be alone anymore. I want friends s-so much. Please come over? Please? I can make some human food for you if you’d like! I swear, I’ll do whatever you want!”

He knew he was being downright pathetic. He knew there was a good chance he was actively scaring his potential new friend away with his intensity, and yet he would have thrown himself onto his knees and begged like that if he were in front of him in that moment. 

Having heard his frantic voice, Ryker was by his side in an instant; resting a hand on his knee while the other arm held a paper towel to the cut on his arm. He’d clearly been in the middle of draining Carlos’ morning breakfast into a cup, and that only made Carlos feel all the worse. 

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Those same two questions repeated in his head over and over again.

“Carlos, you’re all good, man. It was just a suggestion,” Charlie was quick to reassure him. Nonetheless, Carlos could still feel the weight of his own panic creeping up on him, threatening to slowly push him into suffocation as if something was holding him against the wall by his throat. “It’s okay. I’ll come visit you this afternoon, then, yeah? Just like I suggested before. No one’s leaving y’alone.”

“I’m so-orry,” the vampire quietly hiccupped into his sleeve. “I’m sorry… I’m…” Behaving like a fucking toddler? Yeah, you are. 

He silently scowled at the voice in his head. It was so loud and so mean. Why couldn’t it just be nice to him? Why did it have to point out all his flaws and mock him as if he didn’t already know they were there? He was trying so hard to like himself just that little bit more. It was so hard…

Ryker squeezed his leg, seemingly trying to draw his attention away from whatever was bothering him. The vampire immediately glanced down at him distractedly, still holding onto the phone so tight his hands were shaking. 

“Sir?” he quietly whimpered. “I’m… I need… need…” He didn’t know what he needed. Didn’t know how to put how he was feeling into words because he’d never had to think about it before. Feelings didn’t matter. Hell, he hardly mattered. 

He guessed it was different now, wasn’t it? 

“I- I di’nt mean t’pressure you,” the vampire whispered in between more hiccups. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I told you I can’t speak to people…”

He was so grateful that Charlie had stayed on the line with him all throughout his little meltdown. Hearing his voice, knowing that he was still there only caused him to cry even more. 

“No, no, you’re doing good, man. I’ve been there before, yeah? I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve struggled to find the right words or lost friends because I’ve said insensitive things without realising. Though, I’ve learnt that the more you do it, the easier it gets. So, what if we practiced together this afternoon?” 

“You- you still wanna come over?” The vampire nearly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He glanced down at Ryker who was still kneeling by his legs, and the human gave him a comforting smile that silently assured him it was real. “You’ll be my friend?” 

There was another laugh. “Any friend of Adam and Ryker’s is a friend of mine. Look, I gotta finish my coffee and get ready for work but I’ll message Ryker with a time and you can expect to see me then, alright?” 

Carlos sheepishly wiped at his wet eyes, accidentally pricking his bottom lip with his fang as he bit it. “You mean it? You’ll really come?”

“Yeah, man. I promise. See you then?”

“O-okay.” Carlos nodded, somewhat more confidently this time. “Yeah. I will- uhm, see you then?” 

Ryker grinned the moment Carlos had hung up the phone. He took the phone from him and placed it down on the floor before taking his hand into both his own to squeeze it reassuringly. 

“You did it!” he exclaimed, the loud sound of his excited voice causing Carlos to jump a little. “I’m so proud of you for persisting!” 

“Tha-ank you?” He couldn’t tell if the human was being sarcastic or not. “I… I embarrassed myself, didn’t I, sir? I didn’t mean to…” 

Reaching up, Ryker affectionately ruffled the vampire’s growing hair with a smile. “Not at all. You’re doing well. I know Charlie very well - he’s one of my oldest friends, and there’s no one I’d trust more with someone I love than him.” 

That caused Carlos to look up from his lap. The wording was not lost on him, however clueless he usually found himself being. A small smile curved on his lips despite the wetness in his eyes, and he leaned forward to press his forehead to Ryker’s for just a moment; savouring the closeness between them before Ryker had to leave again. It was the only way he knew how to express his gratitude for him in that moment. Words were hard and he just did not have the strength to speak them anymore. 

He could only hope that Ryker understood the meaning behind his simple gesture. Otherwise, he’d be sure to find the words for it later. 

He needed Ryker to know how much he loved him, too. 

-

Carlos spent the entire day watching the clock on the wall and cleaning vigorously before his friend arrived. He’d made what Ryker had said earlier in the morning were his favourite sweets - cookies, cupcakes and a few store bought foods as well. Adam was even kind enough to do his makeup again and help him pick out an outfit for what must have been his very first visit from a friend ever. His friend, no less. Someone who was here for him, not his owners or the people around him. He wanted everything to be perfect. Wanted to prove that he could be a good friend to people, not just some dumb pet for them to take their anger out on.

He could do this. He could do this. He could do this.

When Charlie finally arrived at the designated time - right on time, might Carlos add - he had to let himself in, given the sun was looming right outside, threatening to attack the vampire if he so much as stepped an inch into the light. 

However, the second he had closed the front door, Carlos was already by Its side with his plate of cupcakes in his hand and a warm, excited smile on his face. “Thank you so much for coming,” he chirped as he held out said plate towards the human. “I made- uhm, your favourite cupcakes! Ryker gave me the recipe and helped me find all the ingredients for it. I hope you like them!” 

“He did, did he?” the human grinned as it slipped off Its shoes and placed Its bag down by the shoe rack. It leaned over to examine them before carefully taking one off the plate to bite into. “Boy knows me so well. These are excellent, Carlos.”

Carlos couldn’t help but feel amused at the way he spoke with his mouth stuffed with food. It reminded him so much of Adam. 

“Thank you! I worked very hard on them. Uhm, would you like to sit?” he asked, motioning to the living room where all the furniture was. “It’s just you and me this time, so… so you don’t have to sit on the floor. If- if you don’t want to, of course. Sir- I mean, Ryker said you might prefer the floor over the couch? I do sometimes, too.” 

The human shrugged. “The floor feels less formal, but I’m happy wherever. You’re looking wonderful today, might I add. Did Adam do your makeup for you?” 

“He did!” Carlos nodded, desperately trying to ignore the furious blush on his face as he plonked himself down on the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest for Charlie to sit down as well. As he did so, the human took another cupcake off the plate and began to eat that one, too. He likes them, Carlos realised with a giddy smile. “He purchased a practice makeup kit for me to use when he’s not around, but I’m not very good at it yet. I aim to get better, though.” 

“It’s a fun thing to learn. Can’t say I’m all that into it myself, but I see what It’s done for Adam. He loves it.”

It got Carlos wondering. “Well, what sort of things are you into, then? You said we could, uhm… pr-practice talking? So… is that a good start? You didn’t tell me all that much about yourself at the gathering…”

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t, did I?” Charlie offered him another smile as he shifted himself into the same position Carlos was in, but on the opposite side of the couch so they were facing each other. “Like I said, I suck at talking to people, too. I’m awkward and blunt and suck at reading body language and social cues. A lot of people don’t really like that. So… I tend to keep my distance. Keeps me safer, y’know?” 

Yes. Carlos knew exactly what it was talking about. 

“So… It’s not a vampire thing?” he asked quietly with a small tilt to his head. “That happens to me a lot, but I always thought I was just not smart enough to understand them, or- or that’s just how they treated vampires. Humans treat other humans that way as well?” 

He was saddened to see the human nod. “Unfortunately so.”

“That’s so sad.” 

Charlie shrugged. “I guess so. I have my little group of people who love and understand me regardless, so I don’t concern myself all that much with what the rest of the world thinks of me.” 

Carlos admired that. He cared far too much about what everyone else, particularly humans, thought of him. It was ingrained into his brain that his purpose was to please them, therefore he had to care, right? If there was one thing all the humans he’d lived with agreed on, it was that. 

“—but hey, fuck the rest of the world, right? Let’s talk about me.”

It surprised the vampire to hear himself laugh at the human’s rather vulgar language. 

“Yes!” he agreed, and the both of them eagerly leaned forward with their arms still tucked in their laps as if they were two gossiping school children. “Tell me everything there is to know.”

-

It turns out, the two had a lot more in common with each other than they thought. Charlie happened to be right into his digital art - something Carlos had no idea even existed until then - along with cooking and movies. He also mentioned that he loved the dark - that there was something calming and peaceful about it in a way that the day just couldn’t bring. He said that he often went on night walks along the beach when he couldn’t sleep, or relaxed under the stars in his backyard with a picnic blanket beneath him. 

It all sounded infatuatingly wonderful to Carlos. He didn’t feel safe enough to go outside anymore. Not without another person there to keep him company, but the idea of it made him more than a little giddy. He hoped there would come a time where he could enjoy the stars and the dark again, just like he had as a child. 

The human also came to mention that he was a collector of sorts, too. He had a collection of rocks and leaves he found fascinating sitting on his coffee table for people to admire when they came over, along with the more “common” stuff, like Pokemon cards and little figurines. He’d apparently been collecting for years - ever since he was a child, and had plenty to show for it. 

Within just a few hours, Carlos had grown to adore this human so much it hurt. It was living, breathing proof that there were other people just like Carlos. That he wasn’t alone, even if many people had tried to convince him otherwise. 

—and as the human prepared to leave again rather late in the afternoon, Carlos hugged him tighter than he ever thought he’d be able to grip someone, fingers digging into his back and his head buried against Charlie’s shoulder. He was grateful that it didn’t seem to mind, and instead held him just as tight. 

“Please come back sometime,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut out of sheer desperation. “Please. You’re… you’re like me. I like you so much!” 

There was, once again, a laugh as Charlie stood with him in the doorway. He could hear and feel Adam and Ryker’s presence behind him, presumably moving things around and giving the place a quick clean after their day at work, but he didn’t care. Not right now.

 “I like you so much, too! I’ll be back very soon, man. Promise.”

Carlos couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he hid it against the human's shoulder even more.

It was official. 

After ninety years of living on this god forsaken earth, Carlos Emrick had finally made a friend outside of Ryker and Adam.

He cried out of pure joy as he told his humans about his day that evening. It was easily on his list of best days ever, right underneath the day he met Ryker and the night he finally got to move in with him.

-

@alexkolax @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @whump-things @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @choppedflowermuffinchild

[greenokapi]

So… what do y’all do when you wanna do a bajillion things but you can’t settle on which thing to do so you just kind of end up doing nothing?

… lissen I’m still only recently diagnosed with adhd so I still don’t know how to work with it… I wanna draw so many things, wanna make merch, comics, I wanna write a fuckton of silly cringe fanfics… I wanna make videos? Like maybe youtube videos rambling abt stuff while drawing but then I don’t know if anyone would even be interested in that, and besides I haven’t done video editing in…. Probably close to 20years? What program should I use? Anyone got any tips on that?

I also wanna make stuff, lil bead things like these guys I made a while ago for example

I also wanna try doll customization cause it’s kinda only been the last decade or so where I’ve allowed myself to like dolls… reasons for that being … uh… gender stuff… it’s like only now in my life, around 30 have I finally gotten somewhat close to getting a grasp on my gender and sexuality, and I never even really realized before that this was something I had a problem with? Which probably makes no sense tbh…

I also wanna do sculpting and even paint, after art school teachers made me feel like I should never paint again bcs idk man I wasn’t up to their standards 🤷

And… I wanna do all this stuff but not only does brain say ‘adhd my guy’ but there’s also my increasing health issues that… I mean I’ve always had them but I guess getting older makes it harder and harder to constantly deal with them… and that’s another thing I never really realized was so bad until back when I was in Japan in 2015-2016 as an exchange student and would have to go to the hospital increasingly often bcs of pain nobody could diagnose… aand then I was shamed for it bcs having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night sometimes was a huge hassle to the dorm staff, idk I was a problem…

Since then I’ve had two operations and will probably need to have more in the future. Also, amusingly, when I finally got diagnosed I was looking at the list of symptoms, all of which I could relate to in at least some way, but the ones that stood out, for some reason, were ‘constant exhaustion’ and then below it was ‘insomnia’ and… maybe I’m not actually lazy when I’m tired all the time? But y’know, I don’t really wanna use a chronic condition as an excuse to just do nothing, plenty of ppl have chronic problems but still do stuff with their life… but when I think like that I also remember this isn’t a ‘pain competition’ or something like that and different people just have different capabilities to deal with chronic pain and such… idk, I honestly think I’m still trying to come to terms with the realization that being exhausted and in pain all the time probably counts as some kind of disability….. but I don’t feel like I’m allowed to say I’m disabled bcs I do also have good days, you know? I should probably try harder to just DO things?

Ahem, it’s like 9AM and I haven’t been able to sleep and stuff hurts… I just wanna go do something productive but instead I’m whining on here which I probably shouldn’t do bcs this is the internet and strangers can see what you post and maybe use it against you but also sometimes you just really wanna rant into the void… or maybe more like semi-void cause idk, maybe someone reads this and can relate or give advice or just talk or something? Buuut you suck at talking… then later you feel embarrassed about your tired rambles and probably end up deleting them and just bring them up in therapy later like you should…

Anyway, until this embarrassment pops up I’m probably gonna try to find some painkillers and go draw or something -3-

[thdramas2]

https://www.tumblr.com/thdramas2/744216392393506816/i-want-to-commission-people-for-art-of-my

TH isn’t as ruthless about it as you think, nonnie! I’ve commissioned lots of selfship art from people on TH and I’m not at all subtle about being a selfshipper on TH or… literally any site I’m on lmao. Never had a problem so far on TH itself with regards to being a selfshipper or trying to buy artwork of my husband and I, and I’ve seen a bunch of other self-shippers buying art too! Hell, there’s even at least one person on TH who makes profile layouts and codes for self-shippers!

Lots of people, myself included, are open about self-shipping on TH and people don’t really bother us for it, at least from what I’ve personally seen? And yeah, I’ve also been bullied for it on other sites and even in some Discord servers; I’ve been a selfshipper for 20+ years and I come from a different era/style of selfshipping, so trust me, I definitely understand the hesitation. People around other places online can be nasty about it, not denying that, but IDK, I’ve found that TH is pretty chill. Again, though, this is my personal experience and I… Don’t really get involved in the forums or with the userbase at large too often. Like any other site, there’s benefits to just staying in your corner and interacting with the rest of the site as little as possible.

If you want to commission people, go ahead! If you’re worried about being judged or ridiculed, you can look for shops that specifically say they’ll draw selfship/OC x Canon (some people list it in their will/won’t draw section), but even if they don’t say it, you can always ask the artist first how they’d feel. If they say they don’t want to, or they’re an ass to you about it, just take your money to another artist. Not everyone IS going to be okay with it, and that’s fine too as long as they’re not being a dick about it.

Theres always gonna be haters who think selfshipping is cringe and embarrassing, but if it makes you happy and you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else as a result of it, care less about what other people think and just do your thing. If anyone gives you shit or tries to make fun of you, just block them honestly lmao.

Yea! twitter can be nasty as hell when it comes to selfshipping but thats the only experience i know from and place i know

lots of people on th dont judge those who selfship because most of them do it themselves

[wintrcaptn]

Show Me

Joel Miller x Reader

A/N : idk what this is or why I wrote but yeah. Here it is. Lol it’s a little spicy.

I added both gifs so people can take it for HBO Joel or game Joel! Hope you enjoy!!

A part of me had never cared to wonder what the hell went through Joel’s mind. I always imagined it to be dark and gloomy and probably cussing someone or something out. He never let anyone in, no matter how long he’s known someone.

I had spent 2 years trying to get him to crack a smile. But nothing. He was so infuriating in the sense that I just couldn’t read him.

But right now…that’s all I cared about. I just needed to know what the hell was going through that mind of his. What was he thinking right this second?

He stood by the door way, holding my gaze with an intense glare. He seemed angry…I think. I mean, he always seemed angry. So I can’t really be sure what he’s feeling now…

“A-Are you gonna say something?” I asked, holding the blanket over me, with embarrassment fueling my body.

Joel and I had a weird relationship. We spoke few words: well I mostly did the talking. He just stared or grunted when he wasn’t yelling at me. But we had each others back. That’s all I could ask for.

Once Ellie came into our lives, it was less awkward now that I had someone to talk too. But Joel never seemed to let up. I could see he was growing a soft spot for Ellie, and in a way I was happy he could be himself with someone but also jealous.

I wasn’t sure why. I knew Joel and Tessa were a thing and it never bothered me before. So why was this bothering me now?

Both Joel and Ellie had left to get some supplies while I stayed back in the apartment we found refuge in for a couple nights.

I hadn’t been alone in forever…and I have needs…

Just thinking about what he walked into and seen…makes me wince all over again. I had never been so damn embarrassed than right now and I was dying to know what the hell he was thinking.

“Joel!” I groaned. Holding the blanket around my waist.

He slightly sucked the corners of his lips into his mouth, and he gazed at the blanket, then to my eyes. “What were you doing?” He finally asked, his voice low and harsh.

Was he annoyed? I couldn’t tell.

“N-Nothing…” I lied, hoping the embarrassment wasn’t so evident on my face, though I’m sure it was.

I felt like I could just die right there. The way he looked at me, it made my skin crawl. I hated not knowing what he was about to say. I hated this whole damn thing.

I just had to touch myself, huh?! I thought. Good job.

Joel crossed his arms over his chest, staring more intently than before. “Don’t lie to me.”

His voice had sounded colder, if that was even possible.

I didn’t know what to do except throw the blanket over my head now.

“Please just go away.” I groaned, trying to wiggle my panties back on. Why couldn’t he just leave the room like a normal person when walking in on someone?! Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?!

“Don’t make me ask you again.” He said more sternly this time.

This was new for us. He rarely talked to me and I don’t think he ever cared about whatever the hell I was doing before. It was like he enjoyed embarrassing me.

I pulled the blanket off my head once I finally got my panties on. My body felt like it was on fire from how hot I was. “Come on, Joel. Please. You already humiliated me enough.”

Joel furrowed his brows, but without a word, he closed the door behind him and pulled the chair from the desk to the center of the room, right in front of the bed.

“Why don’t you show me what you were doin’” he said, leaning on his knees, not once tearing his gaze from mine. “Go on. I ain’t got all day.”

Suddenly, I noticed something different in Joel’s eyes. They weren’t distant and brooding, they looked as if they were filled with burning desire and he kept them on me. It was almost suffocating with how hard he stared.

My heart felt as if it could jump out of my chest from pumping so fast. I was more nervous than anything at this point, but also…I found myself wishing he would join me.

I shook my head almost immediately. What the hell was I thinking?! It’s Joel!

I heard him groan, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“What do you want from me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked, getting slightly annoyed.

He shrugged. “I don’t know—I’m kind of having fun with this.”

“Having fun with embarrassing me?!”

Joel leaned forward just slightly. “I’m enjoying makin you fluster.” He said. “Now get on it—show me what you were doing. I won’t ask again.”

His eyes slowly rolled down my body then back up to my eyes. He was different. But I couldn’t figure out what it was…

“W-What?” Was this really happening? Or was he trying to make a fool out of me again?

“You heard me.” His voice was low. “Show me.”