#but also I been feeling like I’m gonna embarrass myself around people again

[candyheartedchy]

Feeling disconnected again…

[dumplingsjinson]

List of random dialogue prompts (pt. 3)

“Truth be told? I miss the times — the me — before I fell in love with you.” 

“You know, I can see myself in, on top of, or under you. What do you say?” “I can see you buried six feet under my very feet if you don’t stop joking about this shit with me.” 

“Was there a point when you fell out of love with me?” “There was a point when I fell in love with you, but never out.”

“When did you fall out of love with me?” “That’s the thing: I never fell out of love with you. You’re the one who fell out of love with me.”

“Right person, wrong time… What if this is the right time? We’re just the wrong people for each other.”

“You have me wrapped around your fingers. Crazy part is, I don’t mind it.” 

“Don’t forget this: I made you. I can easily break you if I wanted to.” 

“I shared pieces of me, with so many people, and none of them kept those pieces safe, and I don’t know if I can risk that with you because it would devastate me if you turn out to be the same as them all. I would be completely destroyed.” 

“Don’t give me that look.”

“You okay?” “No. I need hugs. From you. I need you to hug me.” 

“I just wanna fucking get over you so I can be okay again.” 

“Stop trying to remind me that you’re still in my life. I’m trying to not think about you, for God’s sake.”

“I wanna kiss you so badly right now but we’re in public and I know you hate public display of affection—“ “I’ll allow you to do it this time.” “Wait… Really?” 

“I make shitty decisions and you’re a testament to that matter.”

“I have things to do, and most of them include me trying not to think about you.”

“I’ve never cried because of someone, you know? I didn’t have anyone to cry over. You’re the first, and you’ll also be the last, or so God help me through this embarrassment.” 

“Breaking up with me does not mean you had to kick me off your Spotify playlist, you know? Because damn. As much as I’m upset, your list had some bangers.” 

“You don’t get to do decide my feelings for you.” 

“I’m not bitchless, you fucking dickhead. Take that back!” 

“Every little thing reminds me of you, which sucks because you’re not in my life anymore.”

“It’s kinda weird not seeing your name on my phone when I wake up. It’s gonna take me some time to get used to this.”

“I think I knew this wasn’t going to last when I realised it’s not that I trust you. It’s that I don’t care what you do, and who you might be fucking around with.”

“One text from you has me happier than a child whose mother bought them their favourite candy. It’s not okay.” 

“I don’t share my Spotify playlist with just anyone. It’s like a secret love language of mine, reserved for those I want to let in. You’re one of them, yet you’re here thinking I don’t feel the same way about you?”

“I dunno, I just… Kinda fell for you.”

“You’re the reason why I fell in love with you. You, as a whole.” 

“There are some songs that I can’t listen to anymore, because they remind me of you; of all the times we’ve had together. And it sucks because some of them are great songs. And you fucking ruined them, you asshole.”

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t care, because I do. I fucking do, and that’s what makes this even worse.” 

“One thing you should know about me is that I suck at letting go.”

“So you’re telling me I’m supposed to sit here and give a fuck? You couldn’t pay me enough to do that. I have places to be and things to do.” 

“You need to stop being such a dramatic bitch.” “It’s the only way I can entertain myself, okay? Now piss off and leave me be.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have let you go.”

“You deserve someone better than me—” “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“You ever think about how good we could have been together?” “Yeah. I think about it all the time, and then I remember how badly you fumbled. So yeah, good job.”

“You’re blushing.” “I’m not.” “…Then I guess I’ll have to give you something to blush over.”

“I lost myself while trying to find the good in you.”

“I think it’s comforting that they’re somewhere out there… Even if we never speak again, you know? They were a part of my life, even if it was only for a little while. They made me feel good, even if it was only for a short amount of time.” 

“Remember when you said you’d catch me when I fell? Well, you’re a fucking liar. Figuratively and literally. Now I’m hospitalised and also emotionally scarred. I hope you’re fucking happy about that.” 

“If we break up, I’d look for you in other people and be reminded that they are not you, and that I’d never find someone like you again. And… I don’t think I can bear the thought of that.”

“I give you permission to break my heart.” “And I give you permission to end me if I ever do break your heart.” 

“I have things to do—“ “And I’m one of them.”

“You’re only saying sorry because you want to make yourself feel better, so you can go shove that sweet apology up your ass because it doesn’t mean shit. I hope you continue to feel like shit over what you did, because I’m never forgiving you.”

“I had expectations for someone I knew couldn’t meet those expectations, so that’s my fault for expecting anything from you at all.”

“You? Breaking my heart? It’s funny how you think you even have that power over me.”

“You were like a routine that I loved and it felt… comfortable. But I guess that’s not the case anymore.” 

“You fell in love with the idea of someone that wasn’t even real. You fell in love with your own projections. How are you so foolish to think that it would have worked out?”

“I’m fine. Of course I’m fine.” “Everything about this interaction is telling me you’re not fine — not even close.”

“The idea of us was perfect. Blame me for thinking it would turn out into something good and as fantastical as what I made it out to be in my head.”

“Because no matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about you and it’s about to drive me to the very brink of insanity, so if you’ll excuse me for not wanting to be near you, that would great.”

“I would not be who I am today if not for you.” 

(pt 1.) | (pt. 2)

[lunajay33]

Taste for Older Men Part.2

•⚰️🍂🍑•

Summary: Growing up with you never had much interest in boys your age but when your dads best friends stuck around more everything changed

Pairing: Cowboy Negan x f!reader

Warnings: age gap, evil boyfriend

Part.1

•Masterlist•

It’s been a week since everything happened, my parents have been extremely over supportive always, when I’d come down for breakfast they’d have wide smiles and cheery voices but I couldn’t hate them for it they’re just trying to make me feel better even though I was already happier than I’ve ever been in my life

I still work everyday at Negans farm but my parents still don’t know that we’re together and we’re not quite sure how to tell them, I mean he’s my dads best friend and I don’t want to ruin that but I also can’t give up Negan he’s all I’ve ever wanted so there’s got to be a way

I was in the barn pitch forking up some loose hay when I feel Negans arms wrap around my waist

“You know if I was gonna get more help around here I’d have told you my feelings way earlier” I laugh as I lean back into his chest

“Watch yourself lil lady I’m still your boss remember”

“Oh I remember” he spins me in his arms resting my hands on his shoulders

“So how do we tell my parents I don’t want to sneak around I want to be able to be with you when we’re around other people”

“I know sunshine, old man invited me over tonight to watch football might tell him then, and you can talk to your mother” I feel nervous about this but it needs to be done

“Hopefully they don’t rip my head off”

“If they’re going that route it’ll be me they rip apart” me smiles as he leans down to kiss me his grey speckled beard scratching against my face but it was something I craved when he wasn’t around

“Come on let’s finish up our chores before you get carried away like last time” I laugh as he groans

I got home early as Negan let me off to get ready for tonight and go through everything I want to say to my mom, he wanted that time too he had more to worry about but my father is an understanding man I just home he can understand this too

I stripped off my dirty work clothes and hoped in the shower, relaxing as the dirt and sweat from the day washed away down the drain, after I was all squeaky clean I got dressed in a casual pair of black leggings and a red long sleeve shirt, putting two braids in my hair then waiting on my bed anxiously

After another hour I picked up my phone and dialed Negan, after two rings I hear his voice and everything seemed to not be as stressful

“Hey baby ya alright?”

“Yeah I’m better now, just nervous”

“Don’t stress honey I’m on my way over now, we’ll get this settled” he said with a calming tone

“Okay I’ll see you soon”

We hung up and I made my way downstairs sitting at the kitchen island waiting to hear the rumble of his truck, soon the headlights shine through the window and he’s knocking at the door

I want to rush to the door and through my arms around him but contain myself and let my dad answer, Negans technically his guest anyways

“Negan! You excited for the game buddy?” My dad asked cheerfully as he patted him on the shoulder

“You bet, I meet you in the lounge soon I’ll go say hi to your wife and y/n!”

“Always with the southern hospitality!”

Negan rounded the corner and came into the kitchen where me and my mother sat I couldn’t help the huge smile that stretched my cheeks

“Negan so wonderful to see you again, last time was a bit crazy” I looked down a little embarrassed by that whole fiasco

“Lovely to see you too, and of course my dear little farm hand” he said brushing his hand down my back out of my mothers gaze making my skin chill

“Oh Negan she’s still behaving well isn’t she?”

“Mother of course I am”

“Don’t worry she’s always a great help, got myself a lil working lady”

I look up at him with so much joy and admiration before my mother clear her throat and snaps us out of our moment

“Well here’s two beers, better get in there before he makes a big deal about us stealing you away again” she laughed handing over the beers and began left the room

I look back at my mother who had a knowing look on her face, raised eyebrow with a slight smirk

“What?”

“I’m not stupid sweetie, I’ve seen the way you looked at him since he started coming around, only recently he’s been giving you the same look soooooo you have something to tell me dear”

“Don’t be mad, what I feel for him is real, how he treats me really show how badly Mike treated me and how much Negan treats me like a goddess, he’s a good man”

“I’m not mad, I’m glad you found a man who can treat you the way you deserve, hopefully your father will look at it the same way”

I down now we wait to either hear a fight or Negan comes out smiling

“WHAT?” I hear from the lounge, oh no

I rush into the lounge seeing my dad up in Negans face and he looked more betrayed than angry

“Dad, calm down it’s okay”

“How is this okay my best friend with my daughter”

“I love her f/n” he went silent and so did I this was the first time Negans declared his love

“You love me?” I ask as I step closer

“Of course I do, you’re a wonderful woman every moment with you I feel more happier and at ease than I’ve ever been”

“I love you too sunshine” I lean up to wrap my arms around his neck and he held me tight

“F/n, you know Negan and he’ll treat her right compared to that excuse for a boyfriend she had before” my mom said then hearing my dad sigh

“I know it’s just a lot to wrap my head around, when did this happen?”

“The day we had the barbecue, he came and made me feel better about everything that happened and well our feelings just came out”

“I mean me and your mother knew how you felt about Negan it was pretty obvious, I guess I can eventually get use to this”

“My god was it that obvious?” I ask looking up at Negan and he had a sly smirk

“You didn’t make it sneaky when you’d look at me darlin”

Taglist: @azanoni @scorpioempress @fanficwriter5 @elliesr1fle @imimatcha4life @indigosparkle444

[saturnluvva]

ARE WE STILL FRIENDS

Summary : when bsf!matt and fem!reader accidentally make out at a Halloween party Matt ends up distancing himself from her

Warning(s) : slight angst, yelling, smut??, making out, distancing??

A/N: this used to be my fav song on Igor but now it’s like my top 5😭

Pairings: Matt x reader

Y/N, MATT. NICK, CHRIS,NATE, MADI

It all started three weeks ago when I was invited to a Halloween party by my friend Madi. I thought it would be fun, innocent, and a good time to socialize. But of course not it’s always something when I wanna have fun.

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

“What are you dressed up as again?”

“That one bitch from subway surfers”

Nick then bursted out laughing and because I thought his laugh was so dramatic I ended up laughing too. We had laughed for a good 30 seconds before Matt walked up to us. “Hey wo- what the fuck nick?! You stole my costume!”

“I wore it better” Nick always had then intimidating voice. It scared me sometimes “what?! Y/n who wore the costume better?” “You both look like dumbasses” they both then turned to me with the most shocked look on their faces as if I’m the problem now “bitch how?!” “Huh?!”

“Well for starters” I started to argue “you’re both GROWN ASS men dressed up as woody. And not only that you’re both fighting over who looks better as if you both didn’t buy the EXACT same costume kit. It’s kinda embarrassing.” And of course they both rolled their eyes.

“I feel insulted so I’m gonna go talk to Madi because she actually knows how to be nice” Nick then walked away and left me with Matt.

“What a dick right?” “I’m not saying you look better than him.” “Dammit.”

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

A few hours later I ended up hella drunk and stumbling around. “Woah dude” I looked up and noticed Matt looking down at me with a huge look of concern “what?” I had slurred my words “you wanna go upstairs or something?” “Uhh sure”

Now that me and Matt are upstairs we went to an empty guest room and sat on the bed that was in there. “So…” “I’m still not saying you look better than Nick!” “Why not!?” “Because this is stupid” I laughed throughout my words. Luckily Matt started laughing too “whatever dude! I know I look better than him! And if not tonight then every other day i definitely do!” “Okay dude sure” “cmon you can’t even lie!” We had made eye contact. I then noticed him scooting closer to me. He got closer and closer and closer until he ended up kissing me for 30 seconds. I then pushed him off of me and gave him a look that an angry grandma would give you if you broke her heart. “Dude what the fuck?! Why would you kiss me?!” I then rubbed my lips as if I was trying to kiss him.

“I thought you wanted to.” “WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!” “We made eye contact! That’s what usually happens” “where?! Romance movies” “well…yeah! But it also works in real life!” I then groaned out stormed out of the room. Even In my drunken state I would NEVER take advantage of someone like that so why did Matt do that?! And I knew he was sober because he never drinks. I couldn’t believe him

When I arrived downstairs I had seen people looking at me. I guess they heard what happened upstairs “y/n what’s going on? “”What happened?” “Where’s Matt?” Were all things I heard. And unsurprisingly nobody was concerned about me! Only Matt as always. It’s like I wanted to be mad at everyone else but I was only mad at myself for letting myself get drunk AND being in a room alone with a guy like Matt. Sure he was one my bestfriends but he’s also a dick sometimes.

I ended up leaving the party and walking to my dorm room that I shared with Madi.

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

Now it’s been three weeks and I’ve been distancing myself from Matt, Nick, and Chris. I even forced Madi to not talk about me infront of them incase they’d forgotten about me. Did I HAVE to do all of this? No. Did I NEED to do all of this? No. did I WANT to do all of this? Yes.

But of course the universe hates me so I ended up being seen by Matt anyways. “Y/n?” My head instantly shot up. Fuck. “Yeah…?” “Where have you been? I was worried sick about you!” “I don’t know.” “Bullshit.” “What?!” “You know I can tell when you’re lying right” well that’s what I get for being friends with a man. “Were you avoiding me?!” “Maybe.” “Why?!” “Because I don’t wanna look at you! You made things awkward” “how?! What did I do?” “You kissed me!” “Oh my god! You’re still stuck on that?!” “Yes because i wanna know why you did it!” And of course he walked away.

…………. …………. …………. …………. …………. …………. ………….

MAKING A PART 2 SOON MAYBE BC IM LAZY ASF

[yosuwo]

Unrequited Love?

Part 1/?

Part 2

Summary: I'm not really good at summarys but basically, reader has a crush on wanda but wanda ignores reader idk😭

Notes: this is my first time writing a fanfic, please tell me if I made any mistakes. Also English isn't my first language so it might have some grammar mistakes

High school AU

“Hey, Wanda!” I greet my classmate as she walks past me with a sigh, once again not bothering to acknowledge me. This has been going on for some time now: whenever she sees me, Wanda rolls her eyes in my direction and continues walking, treating me as if I’m unworthy of even being acknowledged.

I just want to be friends with Wanda, but there’s something about me that’s rubbing her the wrong way. Maybe she thinks I’m trying to compete with her as the most popular girl at the school.

That's what my friends said.

"Give it up, Y/N.” Yelena sighs, "You're just making a fool out of yourself at this point."

"True," Kate agrees, chuckling, "She probably thinks you're trying to steal her spotlight as the most popular girl here at NYH."

"I can't!" I groan at my friends, as they peer at me, confused by my attachment to Wanda.

"What do you like about her anyway?" Kate asks. Her tone is half playful, half teasing, but there's also a sense of genuine concern about my well-being.

"I.... I don't know," I mumble, embarrassed to admit the truth. Something about Wanda pulls me toward her like a magnet. I can't explain it, but I feel like I'm in her orbit, drawn to her without reason or restraint.

As the bell rings signalling the end of lunch, my friends and I disperse, heading off to our respective classes.

I hurry off to class, thinking about what my friends had said to me. What is it about Wanda that draws me to her so much? Or are they right that I'm only making a fool of myself by obsessing over a girl who clearly isn't interested in me?

I sigh and shake my head, hoping I'll be able to focus on my work in class. But it seems like Wanda is always on my mind, no matter what I do.

"L/N?" Professor Fury calls, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Huh?" I blink, confused.

"I asked you a question," he continues, "are you going to answer or are you too busy daydreaming?"

I flush red in embarrassment as my classmates snicker around me.

----

I stood there, embarrassed and unable to answer Professor Fury's question.

"Anyone like to help L/N here?" he asked the class, to no response.

It seemed like an eternity of silence.

Then, to my surprise, Wanda stood up to help me. Her emerald green eyes met mine briefly before she looked away, answering Professor Fury's question correctly.

I sat back down when she finished, my face burning with embarrassment. Was I embarrassed that I had failed to answer the question? Or was I just flustered that Wanda had looked at me?

---

Class finally ended, and people quickly left the room. I gathered my things quickly and saw Wanda leaving, so I hurried over to catch up with her.

"Wanda!" I called out, hurrying up beside her as she walked out the door. "Hey," I panted, relieved to finally be near her.

She sighed, visibly annoyed as she squeezed her eyes shut. Turning to face me, she opened her eyes and spoke: "What?"

"Why did you do that?" I ask, ignoring her annoyance. "why did you help me?"

"Help you with what?" she asks, annoyed.

Is she being oblivious right now?

"Help me with the question." I rolled my eyes

Wanda looked away, trying to find an answer.

After a moment of silence,

She looked back at me and I swear I saw her blush.

"I-" Wanda finally let out, but is interrupted by my friend Yelena shouting "Y/N!"

I turn to my friend, "Hey." Yelena greets me, "Sorry but I can't walk with you home later, me and Kate are gonna have a 'friendly' date." Yelena explains, leaving little room for doubt as to what she means

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Bros before bitches, I guess," I roll my eyes and hit her arm playfully laughing together.

As Yelena leaves, I turn back to Wanda only to find her gone.

"Thanks, i suppose" i roll my eyes throwing my head back in annoyance.

Guys idk if I should continue this so please let me know hrhrhrh😭😭

[sandyca5tle]

Slime HRT - 6 Months

Back again for six months of slime hrt. Starting to see more noticeable changes over the last two months, things are revving up!

First things first: I’ve actually got some slime now!! It’s only the skin on the tips of my fingers and toes, since they’re the thinnest part of my body, but they’re slime! (my hair’s also changed some more, but I’ll talk about that after this) It is a little weird since it’s only the skin, so I can see the musculature that resides beneath since the slime is translucent, but hopefully that’ll turn soon too. I was a little worried about infections, since obviously the skin is normally there to protect all the inside bits, but apparently my slime does the same job, if not better, since it can dissolve any germs and stuff that enter it.

I have gotten a couple of weirded out responses from people who’ve noticed, although one or two were a little fascinated by it as well, and a few people have given me… less than nice looks and remarks, but I've been trying to ignore and shrug them off… 

The other thing I’ve had to get used to is that, while my slime can dissolve microscopic things like germs and viruses, fluff and lint get stuck in there, so I have to pull them out. It’s a little annoying, since I kinda pick up any small fragments of anything, but it is a kinda nice sensation, almost like peeling dried glue off your hands, although that still wins on most satisfying.

As I said before my hair has also changed, it’s basically completely slime now, and is more one solid shape than individual strands, although there’s still a few holdouts. It has made it much easier to style as well, since it’s more like shaping clay, so I’ve been messing around with that a little too. Wearing a headset to play games does tend to cause issues though, since the weight tends to deform it, and I’m not at the point where I can just mentally reshape it, so I always have to find a mirror to help fix it after I’ve finished (Had a few embarrassing moments where I had a lovely imprint of my headset in my hair). Having a solid blob of slime around and at times resting against my face has been… interesting and it can be a little uncomfortable at times, since it kinda feels wet and, well, slimy. Kinda hoping that that’ll change once my face changes to slime as well, since they’ll match, so my sense about it will change too.

Naturally, actually being part slime now, my thirst has gotten worse, and I’m really having to keep on top of it; my body is sure to let me know if I’m not. I’m hoping that I won’t need to drink so much once I’m done, but we’ll have to see. 

On top of the thirst, I’ve now also been getting small cravings for sweet things, which I’m guessing is ‘cause I’m gonna be a sap slime, so I need to get the additional sugar for sweetness. On that note, my fingertips actually do taste a little sweet when I lick them, so that’s neat.

My skin is also undeniably orange now, although it’s a subtle shade for now, which is a small blessing, but yeah, really reaching the point where I can’t pass things off as a trick of the light. On the note of skin, where the slime meets skin is really weird, and I’ve had to stop myself picking at the less sensitive areas - found out the hard way that hitting mostly exposed nerve ending really fucking hurts.

That’s pretty much it for this month, but yeah, glad to have really noticeable changes finally. Will see you in the next update.

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[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

listen... listen. i'd love just as much as anybody to get to make a fool of myself in person with all my fellow fools, as opposed to making a collective fool of ourselves online. I just don't know if we have the brainpower to organize it. The first dashcon, as far as i know, was a logistical disaster. I know there's a spreadsheet side of tumblr, and... *shudder* a business side (I checked) but are they willing to help? are we willing to accept their help?

More issues to consider: With the cost of living and travel and the very decentralized tumblr userbase, on what continent would dashcon 2.0 be held? would there need to be online signups? payments? a website? who would create and oversee those things?

What if we tried to have a number of smaller cons for different regions? Only around 600 folks have answered 100% YES on your poll - How many users need to show up before we have folks from enough major communities to feel like a true tumblr party? How do we guarantee those numbers? What about major blogs? do we just hope they show up or pay them to sign autographs? is it a multi-day affair, like dashcon tried to be, or do we aim low?

There is so much that goes into an event like this- transit, trucking, storage, space, sign-ups, accounting, licensing, begging, scheduling, convincing, emailing, hiring, firing, decorating, ordering, packing... I haven't even gotten to the tip of the iceberg meme.

Do we hire planners and event companies, or are we too embarrassed to ask? How does everyone work around their day jobs and careers? Who is organizing dashcon 2.0, and what is their stake in it? How do we not repeat the mistakes of those who came before us?

Anyway, if you're gonna do it, I want to help. let's talk.

hmm alright I have thoughts

because I agree, I don’t know if we have the brainpower or money to organize it. my sincere hope with posting about a hypothetical dashcon has been that some super determined millionaire would be like “hey here- have this money and here’s a bunch of connections I have to people to help you organize this”…..so basically lots and lots of wishful thinking lmao.

while the business side of tumblr does seem terrifying, we might have to accept their help if they’re willing.

all of the logistics you mentioned are very very true things that I imagine the original dashcon creators didn’t fully take into account (or i’d assume as much based on the chaos that ensued lol)

as for location, yeahhh that’s the definite hard part. in my head, I keep seeing this as like a vidcon (which is terrible because it wouldn’t be as big but idk) which is held in California. but idk how feasible that is for the average Tumblr base. and that does definitely cut down the amount of people that would be able or willing to come so idk.

and I also imagine having like panels and possibly meet and greets or something with major blog owners, but idk if we’d just beg them to come or find a way to pay them.

As for the whole last paragraph- aaaaah I have absolutely no idea.

i’m definitely not going to spearhead organizing such an event (mostly because I don’t want my real name associated with it in case it goes to shit again lmaoo) but if someone else had more resources to do so, I would absolutely be willing to help.

and if anyone sees this and has conference-planning experience and wants to help make a bunch of wishful Tumblr users dreams come true…. please let me know and i’d love to help!

[jeork]

TC Tag Game

As always I’m excessively late to the party, but thanks @renaultphile for the tag!

1. "He would not fucking say that" only they did and it's canon. When/who?

I don’t have a copy of the book at hand right now, but while Laurie is visiting home for the wedding he goes on a walk and recites this weird incest-y song to himself, then contemplates how it always felt relatable to him. I’m not saying he would not fucking say that, because obviously he does and I hear him quite clearly. But I am saying maybe he should not have fucking said that. 

Also Ralph calling Bunny “Boo”. I don’t care how drunk he was, you don’t randomly slip out with a word you wouldn’t otherwise use. It’s part of his vocabulary. This one had me in contemplation for months, like, would he ever call Laurie that? Does this count towards the bad habits and lifestyle choices he wants to abandon while being with Laurie? Whole scene’s just embarrassing af 

2. Did they kiss in the study? Yes/no + why you are 100% correct about this.

I think they probably did, but that it was very chaste. I’m convinced the kiss between Laurie and Andrew is supposed to mirror it almost exactly. The way I see it, Laurie didn’t fully process it and therefore just stood there. From the flashback he got later on while holding onto Ralph’s sleeve while they’re in Ralph's room I think Laurie might’ve grabbed onto Ralph’s arm a little. But other than that I don’t think he did much, which made Ralph decide he wasn’t ready yet.

3. Mandatory question about Ralph's alleged tattoos.

I wasn’t aware this is something people discuss lmao, I’ve only thought about it once myself. Gonna be a party pooper and say he has none, as it's "improper"

4. 53 vs 59 edition: quote a line or paragraph that is better in the edition you like the least.

I feel like me and @renaultphile are the only ‘59 truthers. I think I once even wrote an entire post just on why I like that Mary cut the knee-touch?

Again, don’t have any book copies at hand right now, but I remember one small detail in the ‘53 I really loved. During Alec’s birthday party while he’s blowing out the candles everyone is looking at him, and for a moment there’s this shared feeling of hopefulness. In the ‘53 Laurie feels someone’s eyes on him, but by the time he turns around Ralph has already stopped looking. Something about Ralph glancing at Laurie in this moment, who’s presence represents so much to Ralph, makes me ache. 

5. Which TC character would feel right at home here on tumblr dot com?

I guess the obvious answers would be something like Hazell, Sandy or Bunny, but I feel like Andrew would run the most terrifically angsty aesthetic account.��Also young Laurie, he'd probably write bad poetry or something

6. Tag yourself at Alec's birthday party.

The two guys holding hands in dead silence, not because I can relate, but because they really set the scene. Or the petty shit-stirrer who snitches on Ralph having a boyfriend. Or the other petty shit-stirrer who cries "Here comes Bim"

7. Post a TC meme.

I used to run a TC meme account over on Twitter. I’ve planned on reposting all of that stuff on here sometime, in the meantime here’s one: 

8. Easy to talk about who deserved better. Who deserved worse?

Dave. The Mature Wholesome Elder act he’s putting on at the end is pissing me off. Self-serving cu- 

Also, following the heavy implications that Alec had been snuggling it up with Bunny for quite a while, I think he got off pretty scot free 

9. You can break the fourth wall (at any point in the novel) and say a single sentence to our protagonist, Laurie Odell. What do you say?

I really wanted him to stay friends with Reg. I always felt like Madge’s Aunt Vera joke was pretty funny and well intended, albeit improper and terribly timed. It didn’t come off to me as her making fun of him for being gay. More like her trying to awkwardly bond over it, similar to Reg during The Bathroom Talk™. If Laurie hadn’t been so emotionally rattled at that time I feel like he would’ve played it off. It was such bad timing for him. So I wanna scream at him “Chill out, they’re clearly not out to get you!” 

10. What's a question you have about TC? One you haven't found an answer for yet.

I think there still might be a couple minor details, but I can’t remember them right now. The only bigger piece of dialogue that’s still a little intransparent to me is Ralph’s whole speech at the beginning of their post-wedding trip argument. I have my theories about it, but would also enjoy to hear more. 

Considering I’m over a month late and have no clue who did this tag already I’ll open it up to whoever might still wanna do it. 

[a-crumb-of-whump]

A New Beginning #14: Adoration

Masterlist | AO3

Content: Vamprie whumpee, recovery, multiple caretakers, human caretaker, PTSD/trauma, meltdown/panic attack, [implied] self harm (for the sake of food), blood (once again, for the sake of food), fear of being alone.

I am exhausted and haven't actually proof read this or anything, but i promised myself i'd post something before i fell asleep LOL.

-

It was only a few days after the gathering they’d had that Carlos heard from his new friend again. He hadn’t really thought much of it at first - Ryker was often getting calls from his employees and other important people that Carlos had never met, so it came as a surprise when the human called him into the living room and held out the phone to him with a polite smile. 

“Hey, man,” he greeted, already beginning to get out of his seat to make room for the vampire to sit down instead. “Charlie’s on the phone. Said he wanted to see how you were going. Would you like to sit down and talk to him while I get your breakfast ready?” 

Did he? What kind of question was that? 

“Yes please!” he chirped, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet as he took the phone from his human’s hand and sat down on the couch Ryker had just been sitting in. It was still warm, and he found himself snuggling further into the seat as he greeted the other human on the phone. “Good morning!” 

“Good morning to you, too,” Charlie spoke warmly. He still sounded a little groggy, like he hadn’t been awake for long, but Carlos could still hear the faint smile on his face regardless. “You’re sounding rather chipper. How’ve you been?” 

The vampire brought his knees to his chest and began to fiddle with the fabric of his pyjama bottoms as he talked. “I have been well, I think! I’m a little restless today, but Ryker said I just need some mental stimulation. So, he’s gonna set up some stuff for us to do later on.” Then he jumped all of a sudden, feeling as if he’d already forgotten his own manners. “Uhm- and how are you, Charlie?” 

“I’m okay, thank you for asking.” The tone in Charlie’s voice hadn’t shifted, instead remaining light and friendly, despite the fact that he clearly wasn’t all that awake just yet. “I have work today, unfortunately, hence why I’m awake so early. Though, I was actually thinking about dropping by for an hour afterwards, if that’s okay with you?”

Carlos found himself mildly confused. Why was he asking for permission from him to come and see Ryker and Adam? Were they even going to be around today? He thought he recalled the two of them informing him that they wouldn’t be around all that much this week. Had they not told Charlie?

“Uhm…” The vampire didn’t even really know how to answer. “Y-yes?”

Thankfully for him, Charlie seemed to catch on to his confusion pretty quickly. “You sound a little unsure? What’s on your mind?”

“...I guess I don’t really understand why you’re asking for my permission to come visit Adam and Ryker?”

He blinked cluelessly at the sound of Charlie’s light laugh. He didn’t think he’d said anything funny. Did Charlie not realise he was being serious? Though his cheeks flushed red at the embarrassment of being laughed at, he chose not to say anything else.

“You sweet thing. I meant I wanted to come see you. They’re both out this afternoon anyway, aren’t they? I think Ryker said their work schedules are pretty similar this week.”

Oh. It made sense now. However… it also didn’t. 

“You- you want to see me?” the vampire tilted his head. His fingers clutched the phone a little tighter as his heartbeat picked up a bit. This was so exciting. “Really? I- I’m not very good at talking to other people. People, uhm… they scare me.” 

“They scare me, too, buddy. You’re all good. Look, we can give it a miss today if you want? I’m happy to wait until a time where you’re feeling more comfy or one of the guys is around. I totally get it.” 

Carlos could have sworn he felt his heart stop for a moment. 

“No!” he practically cried, leaning forward in his seat as if it could possibly make his point any clearer. He had a death grip on the phone pressed to his ear while his other shaking hand dug Its nails into the leather that made up the couch. “N-no, please, I’ve only ever had two friends in my life. I love them so- so much b-but I don’t wanna be alone anymore. I want friends s-so much. Please come over? Please? I can make some human food for you if you’d like! I swear, I’ll do whatever you want!”

He knew he was being downright pathetic. He knew there was a good chance he was actively scaring his potential new friend away with his intensity, and yet he would have thrown himself onto his knees and begged like that if he were in front of him in that moment. 

Having heard his frantic voice, Ryker was by his side in an instant; resting a hand on his knee while the other arm held a paper towel to the cut on his arm. He’d clearly been in the middle of draining Carlos’ morning breakfast into a cup, and that only made Carlos feel all the worse. 

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Those same two questions repeated in his head over and over again.

“Carlos, you’re all good, man. It was just a suggestion,” Charlie was quick to reassure him. Nonetheless, Carlos could still feel the weight of his own panic creeping up on him, threatening to slowly push him into suffocation as if something was holding him against the wall by his throat. “It’s okay. I’ll come visit you this afternoon, then, yeah? Just like I suggested before. No one’s leaving y’alone.”

“I’m so-orry,” the vampire quietly hiccupped into his sleeve. “I’m sorry… I’m…” Behaving like a fucking toddler? Yeah, you are. 

He silently scowled at the voice in his head. It was so loud and so mean. Why couldn’t it just be nice to him? Why did it have to point out all his flaws and mock him as if he didn’t already know they were there? He was trying so hard to like himself just that little bit more. It was so hard…

Ryker squeezed his leg, seemingly trying to draw his attention away from whatever was bothering him. The vampire immediately glanced down at him distractedly, still holding onto the phone so tight his hands were shaking. 

“Sir?” he quietly whimpered. “I’m… I need… need…” He didn’t know what he needed. Didn’t know how to put how he was feeling into words because he’d never had to think about it before. Feelings didn’t matter. Hell, he hardly mattered. 

He guessed it was different now, wasn’t it? 

“I- I di’nt mean t’pressure you,” the vampire whispered in between more hiccups. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I told you I can’t speak to people…”

He was so grateful that Charlie had stayed on the line with him all throughout his little meltdown. Hearing his voice, knowing that he was still there only caused him to cry even more. 

“No, no, you’re doing good, man. I’ve been there before, yeah? I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve struggled to find the right words or lost friends because I’ve said insensitive things without realising. Though, I’ve learnt that the more you do it, the easier it gets. So, what if we practiced together this afternoon?” 

“You- you still wanna come over?” The vampire nearly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He glanced down at Ryker who was still kneeling by his legs, and the human gave him a comforting smile that silently assured him it was real. “You’ll be my friend?” 

There was another laugh. “Any friend of Adam and Ryker’s is a friend of mine. Look, I gotta finish my coffee and get ready for work but I’ll message Ryker with a time and you can expect to see me then, alright?” 

Carlos sheepishly wiped at his wet eyes, accidentally pricking his bottom lip with his fang as he bit it. “You mean it? You’ll really come?”

“Yeah, man. I promise. See you then?”

“O-okay.” Carlos nodded, somewhat more confidently this time. “Yeah. I will- uhm, see you then?” 

Ryker grinned the moment Carlos had hung up the phone. He took the phone from him and placed it down on the floor before taking his hand into both his own to squeeze it reassuringly. 

“You did it!” he exclaimed, the loud sound of his excited voice causing Carlos to jump a little. “I’m so proud of you for persisting!” 

“Tha-ank you?” He couldn’t tell if the human was being sarcastic or not. “I… I embarrassed myself, didn’t I, sir? I didn’t mean to…” 

Reaching up, Ryker affectionately ruffled the vampire’s growing hair with a smile. “Not at all. You’re doing well. I know Charlie very well - he’s one of my oldest friends, and there’s no one I’d trust more with someone I love than him.” 

That caused Carlos to look up from his lap. The wording was not lost on him, however clueless he usually found himself being. A small smile curved on his lips despite the wetness in his eyes, and he leaned forward to press his forehead to Ryker’s for just a moment; savouring the closeness between them before Ryker had to leave again. It was the only way he knew how to express his gratitude for him in that moment. Words were hard and he just did not have the strength to speak them anymore. 

He could only hope that Ryker understood the meaning behind his simple gesture. Otherwise, he’d be sure to find the words for it later. 

He needed Ryker to know how much he loved him, too. 

-

Carlos spent the entire day watching the clock on the wall and cleaning vigorously before his friend arrived. He’d made what Ryker had said earlier in the morning were his favourite sweets - cookies, cupcakes and a few store bought foods as well. Adam was even kind enough to do his makeup again and help him pick out an outfit for what must have been his very first visit from a friend ever. His friend, no less. Someone who was here for him, not his owners or the people around him. He wanted everything to be perfect. Wanted to prove that he could be a good friend to people, not just some dumb pet for them to take their anger out on.

He could do this. He could do this. He could do this.

When Charlie finally arrived at the designated time - right on time, might Carlos add - he had to let himself in, given the sun was looming right outside, threatening to attack the vampire if he so much as stepped an inch into the light. 

However, the second he had closed the front door, Carlos was already by Its side with his plate of cupcakes in his hand and a warm, excited smile on his face. “Thank you so much for coming,” he chirped as he held out said plate towards the human. “I made- uhm, your favourite cupcakes! Ryker gave me the recipe and helped me find all the ingredients for it. I hope you like them!” 

“He did, did he?” the human grinned as it slipped off Its shoes and placed Its bag down by the shoe rack. It leaned over to examine them before carefully taking one off the plate to bite into. “Boy knows me so well. These are excellent, Carlos.”

Carlos couldn’t help but feel amused at the way he spoke with his mouth stuffed with food. It reminded him so much of Adam. 

“Thank you! I worked very hard on them. Uhm, would you like to sit?” he asked, motioning to the living room where all the furniture was. “It’s just you and me this time, so… so you don’t have to sit on the floor. If- if you don’t want to, of course. Sir- I mean, Ryker said you might prefer the floor over the couch? I do sometimes, too.” 

The human shrugged. “The floor feels less formal, but I’m happy wherever. You’re looking wonderful today, might I add. Did Adam do your makeup for you?” 

“He did!” Carlos nodded, desperately trying to ignore the furious blush on his face as he plonked himself down on the couch and pulled his knees up to his chest for Charlie to sit down as well. As he did so, the human took another cupcake off the plate and began to eat that one, too. He likes them, Carlos realised with a giddy smile. “He purchased a practice makeup kit for me to use when he’s not around, but I’m not very good at it yet. I aim to get better, though.” 

“It’s a fun thing to learn. Can’t say I’m all that into it myself, but I see what It’s done for Adam. He loves it.”

It got Carlos wondering. “Well, what sort of things are you into, then? You said we could, uhm… pr-practice talking? So… is that a good start? You didn’t tell me all that much about yourself at the gathering…”

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t, did I?” Charlie offered him another smile as he shifted himself into the same position Carlos was in, but on the opposite side of the couch so they were facing each other. “Like I said, I suck at talking to people, too. I’m awkward and blunt and suck at reading body language and social cues. A lot of people don’t really like that. So… I tend to keep my distance. Keeps me safer, y’know?” 

Yes. Carlos knew exactly what it was talking about. 

“So… It’s not a vampire thing?” he asked quietly with a small tilt to his head. “That happens to me a lot, but I always thought I was just not smart enough to understand them, or- or that’s just how they treated vampires. Humans treat other humans that way as well?” 

He was saddened to see the human nod. “Unfortunately so.”

“That’s so sad.” 

Charlie shrugged. “I guess so. I have my little group of people who love and understand me regardless, so I don’t concern myself all that much with what the rest of the world thinks of me.” 

Carlos admired that. He cared far too much about what everyone else, particularly humans, thought of him. It was ingrained into his brain that his purpose was to please them, therefore he had to care, right? If there was one thing all the humans he’d lived with agreed on, it was that. 

“—but hey, fuck the rest of the world, right? Let’s talk about me.”

It surprised the vampire to hear himself laugh at the human’s rather vulgar language. 

“Yes!” he agreed, and the both of them eagerly leaned forward with their arms still tucked in their laps as if they were two gossiping school children. “Tell me everything there is to know.”

-

It turns out, the two had a lot more in common with each other than they thought. Charlie happened to be right into his digital art - something Carlos had no idea even existed until then - along with cooking and movies. He also mentioned that he loved the dark - that there was something calming and peaceful about it in a way that the day just couldn’t bring. He said that he often went on night walks along the beach when he couldn’t sleep, or relaxed under the stars in his backyard with a picnic blanket beneath him. 

It all sounded infatuatingly wonderful to Carlos. He didn’t feel safe enough to go outside anymore. Not without another person there to keep him company, but the idea of it made him more than a little giddy. He hoped there would come a time where he could enjoy the stars and the dark again, just like he had as a child. 

The human also came to mention that he was a collector of sorts, too. He had a collection of rocks and leaves he found fascinating sitting on his coffee table for people to admire when they came over, along with the more “common” stuff, like Pokemon cards and little figurines. He’d apparently been collecting for years - ever since he was a child, and had plenty to show for it. 

Within just a few hours, Carlos had grown to adore this human so much it hurt. It was living, breathing proof that there were other people just like Carlos. That he wasn’t alone, even if many people had tried to convince him otherwise. 

—and as the human prepared to leave again rather late in the afternoon, Carlos hugged him tighter than he ever thought he’d be able to grip someone, fingers digging into his back and his head buried against Charlie’s shoulder. He was grateful that it didn’t seem to mind, and instead held him just as tight. 

“Please come back sometime,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut out of sheer desperation. “Please. You’re… you’re like me. I like you so much!” 

There was, once again, a laugh as Charlie stood with him in the doorway. He could hear and feel Adam and Ryker’s presence behind him, presumably moving things around and giving the place a quick clean after their day at work, but he didn’t care. Not right now.

 “I like you so much, too! I’ll be back very soon, man. Promise.”

Carlos couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he hid it against the human's shoulder even more.

It was official. 

After ninety years of living on this god forsaken earth, Carlos Emrick had finally made a friend outside of Ryker and Adam.

He cried out of pure joy as he told his humans about his day that evening. It was easily on his list of best days ever, right underneath the day he met Ryker and the night he finally got to move in with him.

-

@alexkolax @emcscared-whumps @espresso-depresso-system @inkkswhumpandstuff @pigeonwhumps @pumpkin-spice-whump @roblingoblin285 @sacredwrath @stabby-nunchucks @thingsthatgo-whump-inthenight @trans-writes @whump-blog @whumpsday @whumpshaped @whump-things @whumpycries @why-not-ask-me-a-better-question @thekittyburger @choppedflowermuffinchild

[greenokapi]

So… what do y’all do when you wanna do a bajillion things but you can’t settle on which thing to do so you just kind of end up doing nothing?

… lissen I’m still only recently diagnosed with adhd so I still don’t know how to work with it… I wanna draw so many things, wanna make merch, comics, I wanna write a fuckton of silly cringe fanfics… I wanna make videos? Like maybe youtube videos rambling abt stuff while drawing but then I don’t know if anyone would even be interested in that, and besides I haven’t done video editing in…. Probably close to 20years? What program should I use? Anyone got any tips on that?

I also wanna make stuff, lil bead things like these guys I made a while ago for example

I also wanna try doll customization cause it’s kinda only been the last decade or so where I’ve allowed myself to like dolls… reasons for that being … uh… gender stuff… it’s like only now in my life, around 30 have I finally gotten somewhat close to getting a grasp on my gender and sexuality, and I never even really realized before that this was something I had a problem with? Which probably makes no sense tbh…

I also wanna do sculpting and even paint, after art school teachers made me feel like I should never paint again bcs idk man I wasn’t up to their standards 🤷

And… I wanna do all this stuff but not only does brain say ‘adhd my guy’ but there’s also my increasing health issues that… I mean I’ve always had them but I guess getting older makes it harder and harder to constantly deal with them… and that’s another thing I never really realized was so bad until back when I was in Japan in 2015-2016 as an exchange student and would have to go to the hospital increasingly often bcs of pain nobody could diagnose… aand then I was shamed for it bcs having to go to the hospital in the middle of the night sometimes was a huge hassle to the dorm staff, idk I was a problem…

Since then I’ve had two operations and will probably need to have more in the future. Also, amusingly, when I finally got diagnosed I was looking at the list of symptoms, all of which I could relate to in at least some way, but the ones that stood out, for some reason, were ‘constant exhaustion’ and then below it was ‘insomnia’ and… maybe I’m not actually lazy when I’m tired all the time? But y’know, I don’t really wanna use a chronic condition as an excuse to just do nothing, plenty of ppl have chronic problems but still do stuff with their life… but when I think like that I also remember this isn’t a ‘pain competition’ or something like that and different people just have different capabilities to deal with chronic pain and such… idk, I honestly think I’m still trying to come to terms with the realization that being exhausted and in pain all the time probably counts as some kind of disability….. but I don’t feel like I’m allowed to say I’m disabled bcs I do also have good days, you know? I should probably try harder to just DO things?

Ahem, it’s like 9AM and I haven’t been able to sleep and stuff hurts… I just wanna go do something productive but instead I’m whining on here which I probably shouldn’t do bcs this is the internet and strangers can see what you post and maybe use it against you but also sometimes you just really wanna rant into the void… or maybe more like semi-void cause idk, maybe someone reads this and can relate or give advice or just talk or something? Buuut you suck at talking… then later you feel embarrassed about your tired rambles and probably end up deleting them and just bring them up in therapy later like you should…

Anyway, until this embarrassment pops up I’m probably gonna try to find some painkillers and go draw or something -3-

[candyheartedchy]

You’re safe with us….

OK BUT ACTUALLY IM SO HAPPY TO SEE CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS ART FROM YOU??? What made you wanna rewatch the movie again? Got any info on your self insert that you’d like to share 👀👀👀?

(Still giggling over this cause I’ve been in hiding crushing on Krupp and captain for so long. It’s reliving to know I’m not insane LOL)

Okay so I’m gonna start at the beginning because it’s amusing to me.

Back when the movie was first being advertised, I was curious because I immediately remembered reading the books back in elementary school when me and my classmates would passed around the books to take turns reading. So of course due to nostalgia I ended up going to the theater to watch it (like imagine how embarrassed I was when the ticket person shouted out for tickets for Captain Underpants movie out loud in front of a whole line of people behind me hdhhd). So imagine this, I’m just drinking my soda, watching the movie until the one scene of his stroking the toy/spy turtle with his finger comes up,

and I end up getting SUPER flustered, sitting there like:

It already didnt help that when his character smiled mischievously here and there, I end up blushing, but then when CU shows up, I end up really shy and a blushing mess. And I’m just “OH NOOOO.”

So right after I left the movie theater, I ended up going back home and rewatching clips online and like kicking my feet like a fool, just giggly and planning on a self ship before stopping myself due to embarrassment. But I kept reading like x readers imagines about him on tumblr here and there though. Eventually I blocked him out I guess until following a few mutuals who would reblog/post about the character and then I was like, “IS THIS A SIGN?!!” and went to rewatch the movie because this whole time it was avoiding seeing the film and character again because I was TERRIFIED of catching feelings. But also some fan art I seen of CU/Krupp didn’t help either that whole time because some of it was REALLY GOOD 🫣 fdjgjhgk

As for my sona’s info, the original one I had was her being an art teacher at the school, but idk if that has been use so many times or not for CU ocs?? But the idea of her being a villain is kinda a fun idea too so idk yet.

[thdramas2]

https://www.tumblr.com/thdramas2/744216392393506816/i-want-to-commission-people-for-art-of-my

TH isn’t as ruthless about it as you think, nonnie! I’ve commissioned lots of selfship art from people on TH and I’m not at all subtle about being a selfshipper on TH or… literally any site I’m on lmao. Never had a problem so far on TH itself with regards to being a selfshipper or trying to buy artwork of my husband and I, and I’ve seen a bunch of other self-shippers buying art too! Hell, there’s even at least one person on TH who makes profile layouts and codes for self-shippers!

Lots of people, myself included, are open about self-shipping on TH and people don’t really bother us for it, at least from what I’ve personally seen? And yeah, I’ve also been bullied for it on other sites and even in some Discord servers; I’ve been a selfshipper for 20+ years and I come from a different era/style of selfshipping, so trust me, I definitely understand the hesitation. People around other places online can be nasty about it, not denying that, but IDK, I’ve found that TH is pretty chill. Again, though, this is my personal experience and I… Don’t really get involved in the forums or with the userbase at large too often. Like any other site, there’s benefits to just staying in your corner and interacting with the rest of the site as little as possible.

If you want to commission people, go ahead! If you’re worried about being judged or ridiculed, you can look for shops that specifically say they’ll draw selfship/OC x Canon (some people list it in their will/won’t draw section), but even if they don’t say it, you can always ask the artist first how they’d feel. If they say they don’t want to, or they’re an ass to you about it, just take your money to another artist. Not everyone IS going to be okay with it, and that’s fine too as long as they’re not being a dick about it.

Theres always gonna be haters who think selfshipping is cringe and embarrassing, but if it makes you happy and you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else as a result of it, care less about what other people think and just do your thing. If anyone gives you shit or tries to make fun of you, just block them honestly lmao.

Yea! twitter can be nasty as hell when it comes to selfshipping but thats the only experience i know from and place i know

lots of people on th dont judge those who selfship because most of them do it themselves

[wintrcaptn]

Show Me

Joel Miller x Reader

A/N : idk what this is or why I wrote but yeah. Here it is. Lol it’s a little spicy.

I added both gifs so people can take it for HBO Joel or game Joel! Hope you enjoy!!

A part of me had never cared to wonder what the hell went through Joel’s mind. I always imagined it to be dark and gloomy and probably cussing someone or something out. He never let anyone in, no matter how long he’s known someone.

I had spent 2 years trying to get him to crack a smile. But nothing. He was so infuriating in the sense that I just couldn’t read him.

But right now…that’s all I cared about. I just needed to know what the hell was going through that mind of his. What was he thinking right this second?

He stood by the door way, holding my gaze with an intense glare. He seemed angry…I think. I mean, he always seemed angry. So I can’t really be sure what he’s feeling now…

“A-Are you gonna say something?” I asked, holding the blanket over me, with embarrassment fueling my body.

Joel and I had a weird relationship. We spoke few words: well I mostly did the talking. He just stared or grunted when he wasn’t yelling at me. But we had each others back. That’s all I could ask for.

Once Ellie came into our lives, it was less awkward now that I had someone to talk too. But Joel never seemed to let up. I could see he was growing a soft spot for Ellie, and in a way I was happy he could be himself with someone but also jealous.

I wasn’t sure why. I knew Joel and Tessa were a thing and it never bothered me before. So why was this bothering me now?

Both Joel and Ellie had left to get some supplies while I stayed back in the apartment we found refuge in for a couple nights.

I hadn’t been alone in forever…and I have needs…

Just thinking about what he walked into and seen…makes me wince all over again. I had never been so damn embarrassed than right now and I was dying to know what the hell he was thinking.

“Joel!” I groaned. Holding the blanket around my waist.

He slightly sucked the corners of his lips into his mouth, and he gazed at the blanket, then to my eyes. “What were you doing?” He finally asked, his voice low and harsh.

Was he annoyed? I couldn’t tell.

“N-Nothing…” I lied, hoping the embarrassment wasn’t so evident on my face, though I’m sure it was.

I felt like I could just die right there. The way he looked at me, it made my skin crawl. I hated not knowing what he was about to say. I hated this whole damn thing.

I just had to touch myself, huh?! I thought. Good job.

Joel crossed his arms over his chest, staring more intently than before. “Don’t lie to me.”

His voice had sounded colder, if that was even possible.

I didn’t know what to do except throw the blanket over my head now.

“Please just go away.” I groaned, trying to wiggle my panties back on. Why couldn’t he just leave the room like a normal person when walking in on someone?! Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?!

“Don’t make me ask you again.” He said more sternly this time.

This was new for us. He rarely talked to me and I don’t think he ever cared about whatever the hell I was doing before. It was like he enjoyed embarrassing me.

I pulled the blanket off my head once I finally got my panties on. My body felt like it was on fire from how hot I was. “Come on, Joel. Please. You already humiliated me enough.”

Joel furrowed his brows, but without a word, he closed the door behind him and pulled the chair from the desk to the center of the room, right in front of the bed.

“Why don’t you show me what you were doin’” he said, leaning on his knees, not once tearing his gaze from mine. “Go on. I ain’t got all day.”

Suddenly, I noticed something different in Joel’s eyes. They weren’t distant and brooding, they looked as if they were filled with burning desire and he kept them on me. It was almost suffocating with how hard he stared.

My heart felt as if it could jump out of my chest from pumping so fast. I was more nervous than anything at this point, but also…I found myself wishing he would join me.

I shook my head almost immediately. What the hell was I thinking?! It’s Joel!

I heard him groan, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“What do you want from me? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I asked, getting slightly annoyed.

He shrugged. “I don’t know—I’m kind of having fun with this.”

“Having fun with embarrassing me?!”

Joel leaned forward just slightly. “I’m enjoying makin you fluster.” He said. “Now get on it—show me what you were doing. I won’t ask again.”

His eyes slowly rolled down my body then back up to my eyes. He was different. But I couldn’t figure out what it was…

“W-What?” Was this really happening? Or was he trying to make a fool out of me again?

“You heard me.” His voice was low. “Show me.”

[drunktuesdays]

Hey it’s a4a anon coming again! The 10 part series was one of the few blessings of 2022 and I keep going back to it so thank you again 🥰. I know you mentioned having a few prompts and the only one I can remember was Eddie bottoming. And I just had so many scenarios in my head. Like would he hate it the first time and it’s something they don’t talk about but then he starts to warm up to the idea of trying it again but is too embarrassed to bring it up? Does he feel like since Garcia is an alpha, he’ll of course want to top and he drives himself crazy thinking that when Garcia is happy with how things are? Does he have a stupid “I have to give to him too” mentality that Garcia snaps him out of. Like how does it happen?? And how do they feel?

Also, as an aside, I’d love to hear Garcia’s pov from one of the parts. Like possibly their first time or part 10. I promise I’m not trying to be pushy. If you never answer this ask that’s fine. Just sending it with the hope that it inspires. 💛

Anon, please keep sending prompts and i will NEVER take it as pushy. i really really really appreciate it and i really promise i keep opening people's prompts as drafts and writing a little bit when i'm stuck on the Big Wip. i LOVE the idea of writing garcia's pov for their first time. i actually keep thinking about putting a4a on ao3, but then petering out because i think i'd more fully want to write out what happened in the beginning, and i think writing out garcia's pov would help figure out how i would tell it from eddie's pov.

it's just that i've been having the absolute worst time writing porn lately. i don't know what's going on with me, but i can't seem to shake anything loose. but i promise i did start writing bottom eddie, just slowly, and a little at a time.

i think my plan was actually to write eddie startled by the idea, and then brashly trying to cover up the fact that he was startled, and then actually talking himself into it by accident, and then he sort of dirty talks garcia through it--teasing him and goading him until garcia gives it to him for real and eddie loves it. and it becomes another thing they do, another thing he bosses garcia through.

well, actually, let me show you what i have so far--it's NOT a lot. i enjoyed myself doing the bantery setup and then my Porn Block hit.

obvs this is set after the events of A4A so eddie's a little more settled about how he and danny respond to each other.

"Okay," Eddie says. His heart is pounding, almost out of his chest. "So lets fucking do it then."

Danny looks genuinely startled, mouth falling open in a perfect o for a beat. Then, "Eddie, I was joking. Me and Isiah were fucking around, just being shitheads. I wasn't—"

"So you don't wanna," Eddie says, a little more brash than he really feels. "You don't wanna give it to me? Aight, if that's what you're sayin'. I got you, kid."

"Eddie," Danny says plaintively, sitting up straight on the couch. "I don't know what we're doing right now. Are you fucking with me?"

Abruptly, Eddie gets a handle on it in his mind. "Nah, man," Eddie says, smirking. "I said I understand—you don't think you could. It's a lotta work, sweetheart. You ain't ready. Maybe gotta do more squats and shit, work up those thigh muscles—"

"Oh fuck you, my quads are—"

"—since you just lay there and say oh Eddie please do me—"

"—perfect. Oh, fuck you. You're serious? You want it? You really want me to give it to you?"

"What have I been saying? Am I just talking to myself?" Eddie says, and then laughs when Garcia grabs his hand and yanks him up to his feet. "Look at you with the manhandling."

"You're gonna wish you were nice to me later," Danny says, in that real tough guy voice Eddie loves so much. He can't stop himself, and he reels Danny in, kisses him real close and sloppy and heated. Fucks Danny's mouth open with his tongue, gets a hand around the back of his neck and tightens it until Danny goes loose and liquid and pliant.  

When Eddie releases him, Danny's swaying on his feet, eyes dark and unfocused.  He blinks dazedly at Eddie when Eddie shoves at him.

"C'mon," Eddie says. "Ain't you gonna show me a good time or what?"  

They go to Danny's bedroom. The last time Eddie called it that, Danny said, "Mine, huh? When's the last time I slept in it alone?" and Eddie had retorted, "the day I admit to living in Buffalo is the day they put me in the ground, pardna."  He'd made them go to his place in yonkers the next two weekends off from teevee—Danny hadn't seemed to notice, so Eddie's still not exactly sure he won that argument. 

Eddie backs Danny towards the bed, familiar and soothing. Danny lets it happen until about right when his knees are are about to bang into the mattress, and then scoots, twisting Eddie 'til Eddie's the one landing on his ass among the pillows. 

"Cute," Eddie says, grinning. "You use that move on broads?"

"Just you," Danny says and goes for Eddie's jeans.

[sevi007]

Feel like I’ve basically faded out from here, so quick status update on how life’s going:

* Still recovering from the mess that was November and December, but it’s getting better. My grandma’s death still hurts but it’s getting… duller. Like you stop thinking about it daily, it’s more like… you know now, you get used to it. And life goes on. Sometimes it still hurts, and maybe that will never really stop, but I feel like I can breathe again, at least

* Got a raise at the job because I have been doing good work! Now that’s some nice appreciation right there

* Fell a little “out of love” with writing and drawing again, but that will pass. Happens a lot when life changes quickly around me – in the end, it always comes back after a while. No sense forcing it.

* Picked up  learning French again. Figured more languages in a phone support job could actually help

* Also kicked my own ass (metaphorically, since I’m not that bendy) and found a fitness class to go to once a week. It’s gonna do me some good getting some sports into my schedule. Also, I meet new people! Which is kind of scary, but exhilarating. Introvert goes extrovert bascially XD

* Somehow found myself stumbling into crocheting? Basically I picked up a book on it, got some yarn and tried it, and it’s quite calming! I like how the yarn and the repetitive motions feel, and I can make things with it to gift people! I made a messy lil bookmark for a work colleague and he was so happy about it he wouldn’t let me take it back when I got embarrassed because it was so loopy XD

* Got bullied (joking) into trying One Piece Odyssey by my colleagues and now I should be able to go pick it up tomorrow and try it out on the weekend. It looks fun!

[skullfck]

@unpossession​ SAID:   Dear Hawk,

It’s late at night, you’ve just left (about an hour ago) and I keep wishing that you hadn’t; a letter will have to make up for the loss of your company. I’m still drunk, so please forgive my messy handwriting-

editors note: her handwriting is perfect. neat, girlish swirls for o’s, loopy l’s and perfect polka dots punctuate the i’s. each letter connected by a seemingly effortless swoosh of her pen. black ink barely smudged. she must be shitting him.

-and please also forgive any mushy, gushy talk that might come out of this. By morning I might have come to my senses and decided not to post (mail) this at all, but knowing me I will. I think it’s important to be earnest. When you care about somebody you should say it. Also, apparently I am just a fan of embarrassing myself out of commitment to the bit. Anyway. Feel free to skim read. I’m sure all this is going to be very silly in the light of day.

I tried reading after you left but I was too distracted by the empty space on my sofa where you were sitting, so I moved to that side hoping to fill the void and started to wonder what it’s like to be you. I started trying to take up more space, spread my legs (not like that, perv) in that way that guys always seem to without meaning, broadened my shoulders and slouched a bit. I tried to imagine myself where I was sitting but couldn’t seem to grasp my own face. You’re the first person I’ve had over since I moved in here, I wanted to know if I look happy here. I’ve been trying so hard to make it a place I will be comfortable in my own company. Now it seems I’m just chasing your ghost. Which is something I do. Obviously. I’m trying to stop that, too.

I have this problem where I never feel close enough to people. I wanted to say thank you for carrying me home tonight but it isn’t enough. I feel like I use words so much that they lose all meaning. I like that you don’t use too many even though you know how. I know you know how. I might take a vow of silence or something just to see what it’s like. There I go again, copying you. I’ll try to cut that out now. It’s almost impossible to go back to where I started once I get too into it. Somehow I don’t think I’ll pull it off the way you do.

I hope you’ll come back soon. I’m sorry for the things I said on the walk home. I meant all of it but I didn’t mean to say all of it. Things will be different here, I think. But I said that about New York and I said that about the old apartment and I let things inside and it ruins it all. I get lonely, and it’s not like I go looking for trouble but it seems to find me and swaddle me and make me feel safe in the chaos. I feel like if I lose myself in the dark then i won’t be me, and I’m really sorry, I know you like me and you think I’m sweet but I cannot stand being alone with myself. I’m not

You’re so handsome. I wish you’d stop smiling at me in my head. I wanna make you smile all the time and you’re so stoic most of the time. I was sitting in the bar waving my arms around like an idiot for that bartenders attention but really it was for yours, just to see if I could make you laugh. I made you laugh a lot tonight. Mission accomplished.

I can’t keep a thought straight. This is gonna be such a shit letter. Oh well. I’m gonna see you real soon, probably, and I’ll try not be in need of any carrying next time but I like being close to you, so maybe if you could just pretend I do, that would work out just fine.

With love,

Wednesday’s Child, full of whiskey.

Ps. I still think about that poem you wrote me when I touch myself.       ✠   send a MESSAGE?

The letter rests face-down on his chest, keeping him company during the high. Occasionally, he’ll lift it up and read it again, finding new meaning in every word and reopening a wound he didn’t even know he had. The drugs keep him from crying the same way he did when he first read it, but they can only numb so much. The ache is persistent, unyielding. Sometimes he has to change positions just to breathe. 

He wrote something, too, that night. Came home and scribbled some bullshit out onto a piece of paper that was promptly crumpled up and thrown away. You’re so handsome, I wish you’d stop smiling at me in my head, battling it out with the half-remembered fragment She thinks I’m handsome because / I don’t look her in the eyes too long. He’s so fucking worthless. She never should have sent this to him—she never should have written it. It’s a waste of talent, a waste of feeling, on somebody like him. 

He’s clinging to it like a lifeline, though. He’s wrapping himself up in the words like a warm blanket that still has the smell of somebody long gone. It’s such a human letter, full of human thoughts and ideas, and that innate goodness he always saw in her—so pure and raw and terrifying—bleeds all across the page. 

When he shuts his eyes, he goes back to that night and he doesn’t leave her house. He goes into her bedroom and he throws her on the bed like she’s been wanting him to do, cutting the clothes off her with a knife. When she parts her lips at the feeling of him he whispers into her mouth promise me you won’t let him inside, pinning her wrists above her head with one hand. She whimpers for him but doesn’t say anything so he says it again, growling this time, promise me you won’t fucking let him inside—

He comes to with the phone against his ear. It’s ringing, once, twice—and then she answers, because she never leaves him waiting long. He smiles sleepily. 

          “Hey, baby.”