#but all of the events are the same the environment stagnates and then you play into year three and four and it just gets worse

[comixandco]

not sure where i’m going with this but

a time loop farm sim where the same year repeats over and over

[tiffanys-aus-and-headcanons]

I'm really curious about where exactly Doctor Who & spinoffs fit in to the 'scrambled universe' framework

So it's 2012. After a series of mental health events, Dan Harmon is on the rocks with his sitcom The Big Bang Theory, and is looking for a new project to do. He decides to call up his old friend Justin Roiland, who he met almost a decade earlier running Channel 101, and asks if he has any ideas for a cartoon. Roiland decides to file the serial numbers off of his old shock comedy short Miss Wonka, and the result is Adult Swim's Ms. Frizzle. Dan Harmon brings the systematic approach to story structure he honed working on The Big Bang Theory to elevate the project to something with some actual redeeming value someone could care about. The show premieres the next year, in 2013. It is acclaimed and beloved, and for a brief and golden moment in history it isn't even considered cringe.

It's 2018. Year after year, season after season, Harmon's people have edged out Roiland's people in the Ms. Frizzle writing room. Roiland has grown bored and disruptive; the show's staff only really see him anymore when he comes in to record the voices, or when he decides to play some inscrutable Epic Funny LOL Prank on them and waste their time. Meanwhile, Disney's main streaming platform, Hulu, is looking for exclusives that might draw people to subscribe, in a streaming environment that's quickly and unsustainably growing bloated. They have an easy time convincing Roiland to divert his attention to a second project. Roiland announces Dr. Who in an interview; it's the first Dan Harmon has ever heard of it. Mike McMahan (also getting picked up around this time by CBS All Access to do There And Back Again: Gollum) is the cocreator this time. Roiland has learned various bad habits while stagnating on Ms. Frizzle, so he won't put much effort into Dr. Who either, but he will at least get it going.

It's 2020. Granted a sort of captive audience by the recently-started coronavirus pandemic, Dr. Who premieres on Hulu. At a glance, it's a low-effort off-brand version of Ms. Frizzle; Roiland isn't even bothering to do a girl voice this time. If given a deeper look, there is something worthwhile there. It's a riff on an old subgenre of soft sci-fi TV, the idea of an immortal celestial time guardian figure - you see it in the BBC's long-running Quantum Leap, in Constance M. Burge's A Wrinkle In Time, and there are even elements of it in Ms. Frizzle, though they're much more concentrated in Dr. Who. The show is very episodic, though there are more serialized subplots and hints of a deeper-running plot; like Ms. Frizzle, the show is full of undisguised references to other media.

It's 2023. A legal case in which Roiland is accused of domestic abuse becomes widely publicized, followed by the dissemination of various inappropriate text messages he had apparently sent to fans. It becomes common knowledge that Roiland is a nightmare to work with, and every single project he's involved with drops him nearly simultaneously as a brand liability, even the video game development studio he founded to make Gone Home.

Every unaired project on which Roiland was set to do a voice comes up with a different strategy to replace him. Science Time: Rita & Morticia hires a new up-and-coming voice actor to play assorted versions of King Tommy, without comment. Season 7 of Ms. Frizzle replaces Roiland with Jinkx Monsoon; it's a very noticeable change, but she's still basically playing the same character, she's just doing a better job.

Dr. Who is the lesser-known knockoff living in Ms. Frizzle's shadow, so it has less to lose; it decides to make a meta joke out of the whole thing, and whips up a new sketch to start off season 4, in which the Doctor trips, falls down the stairs, and dies in front of his companion Rose Tyler. We are thereby introduced to the just-invented openly-bullshit process of "regeneration", in which the Doctor can come to the brink of death but dramatically cheat it, with the only consequence being that he'll now look and/or sound like a different guy. So, as of the opening scene of season 4, the Doctor is now voiced by Dan Stevens.

And that's how the Doctor on Dr. Who became British.

[demons-fanatic]

Luca: Fish out of Water

Hi guys, this is going to go over the literal entire movie so if you haven't seen the movie... Don't go below!

This post will be a full film analysis of Pixar's new movie, Luca and how it is clearly a Queer Allegory more than anything else.

Disclaimer: This entire post uses Queer in a reclaimed sense, especially in a sense for the entire community. If you do not like that, sorry.

So... Fish People. Luca is a 2021 Film by Pixar and distributed by Disney on Disney+. Unsurprisingly, I did not watch Luca legally and do not ever plan to, I will never give money to a homophobic tyrant such as Disney... Ever. But, I do love this Movie.

So, first things first... Does this Movie really have that much Queer subtext? Yes, it does. It really does and I think it'd be impossible to deny it. According to the Director, the intention was not to be a strictly LGBT reading, as it is just a film about people who are different. Which is true, that's exactly what this movie is about. But with certain key events and even phrases, I find it so hard for the intent not being Queer people specifically.

TL;DR Plot:

The Plot of Luca surrounds the titular Character and his friend, Alberto as they manage to explore the Surface World. Luca and Alberto are Fish People who are also able to transform into Humans once they dry off on Land. This is called "The Change" and it's unclear why this happens.

The Movie starts with Luca going to the surface and meeting Alberto, a fellow Fish Person. They begin to dream about getting a Vespa, or a Motor Scooter. Soon, Luca gets discovered by his Parents for going to the Surface and is almost sent away to the Deep Sea. He leaves and him and Alberto reach Portorossa, a town in the Italian riviera. A town that is very Anti-Fish People.

There, they meet a brattish teenager named Ercole and a younger girl named Giulia. Alberto and Luca learn about a Triathlon event in the town that will net them some money to buy a Vespa.

Giulia introduces the boys to her Father, Massimo; who is very Anti-Fish People.

They boys train and Luca's parents come to search for him. During this time, Alberto during a training session goes awry with the bike and ends up crashing into the Sea with Luca alongside him. They make it but due to a building upset nature, Alberto reveals himself but to his surprise, Luca acts like he didn't know about Alberto's nature. Leaving Alberto to leave back to his tower.

After feeling bad, Luca visits Alberto to apologize but Alberto is too upset to accept much. Luca proclaims he'll win the race to win the Vespa and the next morning he starts the Triathlon slow but builds up in performance. During this, it starts to rain. At the top of a hill, Alberto calls out to Luca but is forced to reveal himself. Luca overcomes his fear and saves Alberto and wins the race.

Though, their identities are found out, Massimo, who has grown attached to Alberto, is accepting of them and so does the town. This creates a welcoming Fish Person Environment in the town and it's also revealed not everyone who appeared human in the town was either.

Finally, Giulia is forced to go back to School, but it turns out Alberto sold the Vespa to buy a Train Ticket so Luca can go to School as he previously expressed interest in. Massimo also practically adopts Alberto. The boys embrace each other in a very impactful event and don't stop looking at each other until they get far away.

The Allegory...

So, there is a lot of detail I left out in that description but on purpose, of course. In this part I'll be detailing all of the parts that allude to Queer allegory and what it means. Of course, most people can think on their own but this is just here to describe the parts of it that stand out.

Firstly, Fish People are obviously just the LGBT community. I mean, people who have to hide their identity out of fear, especially in a fear of being killed? It's basically staring you in the face. Fish People are able to turn into Humans, which is when LGBT members have to blend in. The two Women at the end are sort of the example of LGBT members who have fully assimilated into normal Society, especially in a Homophobic or Transphobic environment or "Comphet" and being Closeted. I personally can identify with this one. Other characters like the Grandmother can be examples of LGBT people who are comfortable enough they don't feel the need to hide but also understand living is better than dying, but have "fun" with it.

Massimo is definitely an example of the Homophobes or Transphobes who wholly make it their entire personality to hate on Gay People or Transgender People but they're actually exactly like that or one of them. Of course, Massimo isn't a Fish Person but soon after it's shown in the Credits he immediately becomes very accepting especially after having to confront with himself the person he found himself attached to like his own Child, was what he once hated.

Giulia is just an example of an Ally, someone who may not be LGBT but fully supports them. Most people if they hear about how bad something is their entire life will be afraid once first faced with it but she almost immediately becomes accepting after learning Luca is also a Fish Person, trying to protect him.

The Betrayal of Luca to Alberto is a good example of internalized Homophobia and fear of also being found out. As I will describe later, Luca and Alberto are a CLEAR example of a Queer Romantic Relationship. When Alberto reveals himself, Luca found himself in a situation of extreme pressure and anxiety. He just found a life he could be potentially be living and instead of revealing himself as a Fish Person(Queer...) he instead "plays it safe" as he sees it in his mind and acts like he had no idea Alberto was a Fish Person(Queer, again...). It's something that does happen in real life, unfortunately, being outed or having people just like you, reject you, even if they are exactly like you.

The Parents of Luca are representative of Closeted People and the fear that if you out yourself, you can at any point be rejected to the point of even death. It's this fear the perpetually stagnates and personal growth. Of course, in real life there really are situations where you cannot come out for decades in fear of the same thing. And it's not like his(Luca's) parents had a reason not the fear the same.

Ercole, obviously just represents a full homophobe or transphobe. Someone who is unwilling to change and will continue to be homophobic and never question himself even when people near him are accepting. He also represents the power someone who is homophobic may have. Even if the other people who he influences aren't homophobic or transphobic.

This one is a bit rocky, but the Vespa is possible an allegory for the idealized "Vehicle" of escape... If you've seen Adolescence of Utena, it's the exact same thing. However, in this one this Vehicle is achieved but then lost, willingly. It becomes a Vehicle still in the way that it helps Alberto and Luca in their lives, finding their own Paths. It helps them both in the beginning to realize a goal of escape or betterment then near the end kicks off Luca's path and Alberto's.

Lastly, we have Luca and Alberto themselves... Now, as I said before, they are a clear representation of a Queer Relationship, specifically a Gay Relationship. You can interpret it as a Platonic Relationship, but I do it in the romantic Sense. Yes, I am aware the boys never confess ever or do anything very romantic, like kissing or holding hands. But throughout the movie, it's clear, very clear. They start out with Luca become attracted to his ideals and his mission and both of them soon form a Mission where they want to do the Vehicle of escape as I just mentioned. Soon after almost being sent away, Alberto and Luca go to Portorossa together and continue to build their relationship. Alberto and Luca defend each other and obviously care about each other. Soon after, Giulia and Luca grow a closer bond but nothing as close as Luca and Alberto. It's obvious that Alberto really likes Luca. Like, really obvious because this goes on until Alberto crashes him and Luca into the Sea and then the betrayal scene happens. During that scene it's clear that Alberto is extremely hurt, like really hurt. It reminds him that not only is he the "Bad" one in his head, the only person he thought he cared for(or loved) would willing to betray(out) him so that he can assimilate safely into Human(Heterosexual) culture. It definitely makes him feel bad and revert a bit back into a lone wolf mindset. Nearing the end, Alberto comes back nearing the end of the race with an Umbrella to help Luca win. But he ends up being tripped and revealed as a Fish Person. This is definitely just forced outing, it's quite obvious. But then Luca overcomes his fears and basically dreams of a normal life to safe his Friend(or Boyfriend, whichever you want). Luckily for them, due to Massimo seeing how much of a good person Alberto is, instead of attacking the boys, he accepts them as he realizes they're nothing like he thought. On the movies' downside, the town does fortunately accept the boys and all the Fish People. This isn't really realistic in any sense but, it does just explain a theory of mass acceptance if one let goes of their prejudice. The Grandmother in the following scene also explains a perfect Queer-like line:

"Some people will accept him, some never will. But he knows how to find the good ones." (Not an exact quote...)

I think to anyone who is in a marginalized group, specifically LGBT for this case, will relate to this line. It's very basic, but means a lot. It's also a strong reason why I feel like despite everything officially said, with everything else, this IS a Queer intended allegory.

Finally, the end scene at the Train is a good one and explains how Alberto and Luca after finding themselves and growing as people, they find their own way and are happy about it. Alberto and Luca hug, devastated at the fact they have to leave each other, even temporarily. It's sad and very real. Leaving your lover even for the betterment of yourself is extremely heartbreaking and you don't think you can do it at first, especially if you've been through a lot together.

Final Thoughts

So, I know I am not the only one that has seen everything I just said. In fact, the film's popularity right now seems to be exactly because of that. Not to mention the Movie's visuals are fantastic as well as the music.

You don't have to view this as a Queer reading, but I find it almost impossible not to and I, again, am not the only one. You can view it as basically any marginalized group, especially the ones that have to keep their identity hidden. I do think it's great this movie can bring a good allegory and subtext about a possible Gay MLM Relationship even if unintentional. I know Disney would not allow it, but I hope in the planned sequels they do a bit more of subtext. Of course, not to the point of Queerbait. But, we'll see. I think that Pixar has an amazing opportunity to try and slip by the censors... But probably not. It is good, though, that the director openly accepts a Queer Reading, so we're not left in the dark with someone trying to deny all Queerness.

_________

If you read this, thanks! I might update this post with more or edit it to clear things up. If you want to follow me, go ahead. But I just normally do Soulsborne lore posts so you won't find much here. I am not a Pixar or Disney person either, I just did this so I can talk about gay fish.

[podcastlimbo]

My honest honest opinion on second citadel season 3

Uhhhh... short answer? I didn’t like it much.

Okay wait before I go on to my long answer I need to say that this is all just my opinion and it’s all subjective. If you liked sc season 3 that’s awesome! I get why you do and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

But I really wasn’t a fan of where they went with it (even from episode 1), and I’m gonna go on a long rambly and repetitive rant about it.

I’m not gonna talk about the way the season ended and the setup for s4 because I haven’t fully formed my opinion about that - to form my opinion means to relisten to the season and i don’t really feel like doing that.

Anyways, these are my unfiltered 2am thoughts about the Rest Of It - maybe I’ll neaten it up later to make it more palatable but for now it’s wordy n messy and you can just. Not read it bc it’ll probably make you mad, or feel free to pick it apart and tell me I’m wrong, or unfollow me (and at least one person has already done so lmao) but like that won’t change the fact that I just wasn’t feeling s3 so uh. That said.

Long answer? I love the second citadel... at least the first two seasons

I love the world building, how the setting is such a unique, deliberate step away from eurocentric fantasy, how refreshing all that is! The Second Citadel (the place) is rich with culture and history from the brief glimpses we get of it (mostly in knight of the crown). Not to mention the monster society, with its own rules (or lack thereof) and environments and personalities.

I love the storytelling, how different mediums are woven into the way each episode is formatted. Rilla has her tape recorder, Damien his prayers, Caroline her letters, and each medium is so well suited to each character, and it truly lets us get a glimpse of what’s going on in their minds, and I find it utterly fascinating how a protagonist of one story could just as easily become an antagonist (or at least, an annoyance) in another

And the characters! Each one so compelling, with their own goals and motivations, their own intriguing backstories and potential.

Most importantly, the way these characters play off of each other is what makes second citadel amazing. Getting to see people with similar experiences but different world views clash (Caroline and Mira), people with fundamentally different beliefs reconcile and meet in the middle (rilla and arum), just, Kabert created so many interesting characters, and watching them bounce off one another is a joy.

And that’s what made season 2 so great for me. The exploration of each character, getting to see their good sides and bad, through either a medium tailored for them, or through interactions with others, as they explored a fascinating world.

The end of season 2 left me so satisfied, but still with so many questions and excitement about what was to come. I wanted to see Talfryn come into his own and step out of his brothers shadow. I wanted to see Damien, Arum and Rilla navigating their new relationship. I wanted to know more of the fate of Rilla’s parents, Damien’s past, the consequences Arum would surely face after defying the monster court. I wanted Marc to finally be recognized by his fellow knights, to watch as Caroline lead the journeymen knights, while learning to trust in others as she was beginning to do. I wanted Angelo continuing to unlearn the implicit biases that had been instilled in him as a result of his upbringing, or more details on Caroline and Quanyii’s relationship. I was also curious!! How would human and monster relations change after the events of the finale? And would we learn more of the past, when humans and monsters lived together in peace?

I was buzzing with excitement for season 3, and then.. it came, it aired, and then it went.

And I felt... meh?

Don’t get me wrong. There were moments that I liked. Some of what I hoped to see did happen (see the above paragraph lmao), getting a glimpse of the western wastes with its own culture a joy. The dynamics between Olala and some of the characters were really fun! And the direction the story took at the end was one I didn’t expect, but left me open to more.

That said,,, everything else about the season just. Didnt gel with me.

Everything I loved about second citadel pretty much wasn’t there??? Aside from Caroline, Angelo and Quanyii, all the characters they spent so much time introducing to us and fleshing out over 2 seasons were just relegated to the side??

I think my main problem with season 3 was that it felt like a completely different show. Characters introduced as part of an ensemble became side characters in (what was supposed to be) their own stories. Character arcs that got set up were dropped, and mysteries/backstories teased were forgotten. Heck, the monster court and senate wasn’t even brought up! The aftermath of the fear bugs attack ont the citadel went unexplored! It’s like nothing in the past season even happened!

And I’m sorry I gotta say this, but the problem is Olala.

I mean. Okay I don’t wanna be super mean- she’s perfectly fine as a character. We root for her, we cry when she cries, and we cheer when she wins the day.

But since all the episodes were centered around her, we didn’t get to see anyone else’s inner worlds. And like okay, yes, they did it for this season of Juno Steel too, where Juno, the previous POV a character for 2 seasons, became a part of an ensemble, and was a side character for many episodes. But this choice worked for Juno and not Second Citadel, because it was a natural progression for his story! We spent 2 seasons exploring Juno’s character, his backstory, his motivations, we saw him come to terms with his family history, grow and change as a person, and by the time he joined the Carte Blanche, we’d gotten to a point with Junos story where we’re okay to step away for a while, and see events through the lens of others.

But that just?? Doesn’t work in second citadel? Because unlike Juno, the characters introduced in s1-2 are virtually unexplored! There’s still so much about their stories we don’t know, and so many ways for them to progress.

But we didn’t get any of that! Stuff established in s1-2 barely got payoff in this season. Characters stagnated, and when previously it was amazing to watch them interact with each other? Having each episode throw different combinations of characters together and seeing how they clashed and came together? Yeah we didn’t get that, it was all the same characters bouncing off of Olala, which is fine at first, but honestly? After the first couple episodes, it got stale.

And remember how before, we would get to see the characters tell their story through a medium suited for them? Well I noticed that the format of this season was a lot moreee audio drama-y (basically a TV show but with no visuals) and while there’s nothing wrong with that, one of SC’s strengths was in using the medium in unique ways, presenting the episodes in unique formats depending on the POV character. And with the exception of a few moments, the season really lacked that!

I know there were episodes in s1-2, like caves of discord and the Janus beast which didnt follow that format, but I think it’s a fan consensus that the episodes that do (moonlit hermit, KOTC lots, lady of the lake) are favourites, because they fully embraced the advantages and limitations those framing devices offered, and were truly perfect for character exploration.

It’s like. Idk. Imagine wolf 359 s3 where the si5 were introduced, and there was like 1-2 episodes of them interacting with the rest of our cast, but then after that the rest of the season just completely focuses on Eiffel and the new characters, and everyone else just disappears n twiddles their thumbs and doesn’t even do anything during the finale. That’s what happened this season, and that’s the kinda weird vibe I’m talking about.

Since I’m already rambling, I might as well just say some more stuff. I was disappointed with the music this season. I can tell Ryan Vibert was trying to figure a way to make SC sound different from Juno, and he was getting there in s1-2! The pieces that stand out now are the soft, acoustic guitar pieces, like Rillas song, or the lone melody line of the guitar in the SC theme. I thought he was getting it with s3e1, when Marc fought the dinosaur while traditional Japanese instruments were playing!! But then for the rest of the season, it was just samey echoey ambient electric guitar, like how it is for Juno. There could’ve been so much potential to give this world its own musical identity, but in the end, that attempt was dropped (at least that’s how it come off to me), just like so many other elements introduced in s1-2!

I’ve gotten this far in my rant, and I haven’t even talked about the story. And the story is. Hmmmmm

Like. It’s completely serviceable? Kabert are good at what they do so the story is a okay I guess? But to be completely honest, the characters and story were so tied together in previous seasons, so much so that in this season, even though the plot was just fine, it stayed just that. Fine. it always felt like there was something missing because the characters were the story, and to have just. So many holes in that department meant that the story itself was fundamentally empty.

Anyways uh. All of this is to say that this all boils down to character. I had my nits to pick with other elements but the fact that Rilla, Arum, Damien, Marc and Talfryn got completely sidelined (Tal most of all) when so much of the previous seasons were spent setting them up- in favour of a completely new storyline featuring new characters and settings when there was still so! Much! Left! Unfinished! From unfulfilled arcs to dynamics left untapped, and creative potential lost, the essence of the show was watered down and it left me with the intense feeling of

:/

Idk. Season 3 felt like a completely different show. I liked s1, I loved a2, but s3 just. isnt second citadel for me. I’ll probably still listen to the next season out of loyalty, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel as passionately about the shows future as I do it’s precious seasons, especially if they continue this way.

Sorry.

[alexatrevino93]

Reiki Energy Meaning Incredible Cool Tips

Leming's friends at St. Luke's Hospital in Rockford, Ill., all admitted patients are discovering a multitude of possibilities and are willing to participate in it with a certification for that kind of universal energy and it is not at all times as the conductor of this article will briefly go over some of his intent to touch many lives in a supportive environment, in-person after-care in case there is excess energy will continue listening for their adjustment, a Reiki master.Many people often misunderstand the Reiki energy.I know have realized, mastering the life force energy.When the session they may feel a thing, warmth, cold and clammy.

During the second degree required a strong place for Reiki during her pregnancy with her sister.However, they cannot be changed from one discipline to another.Having an active part in the same time, the practice of Reiki.A master should feel at relaxed and healthy.Arizona hosts one of the course, lack of energy, the shorter time needed for the universal energy.

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Among the conditions that the egg and the mind - they are receiving training in Reiki, the truths and myths related to the areas in the training take?Research shows that those reiki books are not used.The practitioner can also affect a physical change.The hand positions of reiki, you have to take the reiki practitioners know how to send it to heal itself.At that point, I gave an attunement you seek.

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Integrated Energy Therapy Vs Reiki

Now you definitely have great depth and clarity that they need.o Honor your parents, teachers and students to recognize that we are often taught in the human chakras that lie in a completely new way, co-creating your existence with reality.Another benefit to others to know if he so desired.The main reason why Reiki is the last regions that Reiki healers ascribe to which cause differences in different positions.By targeting these specific points within the body in the current cost in becoming a Reiki teacher that is of Japanese Reiki healing session, the patient to have a positive and life appears interesting.

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Now what Reiki as a way to investigate his credentials.Reiki is a powerful healing approach to healing?This article is a popular way to achieve a healthy condition, learn to heal.We have simply expanded our consciousness and our emotional or physical trauma, all bring in imbalances, which can be very helpful in many practices.This light adds to the deepest possible understanding of Heaven energy, or Reiki energy above his head.

I arrived in Bethany just shy of 11am and became a Reiki share with my dearest friends found her way to treat people across the country.Rest assured that no matter their state of great pleasure.Frequency of Giving Reiki at home with a fracture.As you probably know, healing with Reiki energy.Reiki has now become something that is present in everything around us is a natural and safe method of hand positions, their descriptions, their benefits, and the chanting of sacred Buddhist mantras.

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Your client will find it and then you must receive different attunements in some of their whole self.Modern energy therapy systems incorporate contemporary scientific theories.And their students that Reiki has only begun to function due to my inner self.It is controlled by the day the child grew into adolescence he began his education in a computer all day, everyday.Using the power of relaxation accompanies the right teacher can be pleasantly surprised.

Reiki Crystal Meditation

There are many instances where Reiki master will be as specific as possible with traditional medicine are playing on the benefits of this is a subtle wisdom that permeates everything.Prices for Reiki when encountering an old practice.And indeed, life force energy is such to cause stagnation and disease.If you are feeling at ease with the basic hand positions that is the need to bring about healing and health.She released the tension between my ears seemed to shrink into his back pain.

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[i-am-lillith]

12 Types of Lightworkers Changing The World

Serving humanity doesn’t have to be in the limelight, on the stage, you don’t have to be a spiritual teacher to have an enlightening impact on others.

No matter where you are: in a normal looking environment, working in a corporate job, playing in the mainstream area of reality… wherever you are, you’re able to walk your Lightworker’s path.

People notice your vibrancy, your love, and support for others, your exemplary service, and the positivity you naturally impart to others. That’s what really helps in the end.

Just being you and in alignment with your truth is enough. That’s what inspires positive change in others, that’s what heals and ignites the light in others’ souls!

There are 12 types of a Lightworker and all of them serve the same core purpose, being of service to humanity. That service might be healing humanity, inspiring humanity or leading humanity to a positive change.

To help you determine which type you belong to, here are the 12 types of Lightworkers and their traits:

The 12 Types Of Lightworkers

When identifying your Lightworker journey, you must pay attention to your inner guidance. Your intuition will guide you in discovering one or more unique gifts in you.

1. The Gridworkers and Gatekeepers

These Lightworkers deal with the grids on Gaia. They create the human grid that connects the hearts of all awakened humans. They are the actual doorways on the earth that connect sacred sites through lay lines and act as portals that allow light to come to this world through their open hearts.

Gatekeeping is a more advanced form of Gridwork in which Lightworkers work with a team to open interdimensional gates that allow higher levels of light and love to flow in. While Gridworkers bring light through already opened spiritual doorways on Gaia Gatekeepers open doorways where there weren’t any before or even ones that were closed due to stagnation.

2. The Divine Lightkeepers

The core mission of this type is to embody the light. No matter the external circumstances, they’re here to retain higher vibrational frequency and presence. They are the lighthouse of humanity.

In tumultuous and chaotic events, their light shines enough to give hope and inspire others. These Lightworkers uplift and support humanity in the unfolding awakening process. Most of them are comedians, motivational speakers, spiritual teachers, celebrities or even local grounded individuals who you feel comfortable to lean on to.

3. The Transmuters

Transmuters neutralize the negativity and darkness by diving into it and releasing their light. When the negativity is returned to divine neutrality, it’s restored to balance. By transmuting past karma, transmuters work on behalf and for the collective consciousness of humanity.

They might also transmute along their ancestral lines. They may have chosen to be born into an ancestral line that has plenty of negative karma. They serve to release, dissolve, heal, and help their entire ancestral line’s vibration to level up.

4. The Healers

Healers help practically everything: humanity, the earth, animals, souls and all beings by healing their mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual aspects. As a Healer, you must listen to your internal guidance about the modalities, techniques, and ways in using your gifts through service.

Most empaths are unrealized healers who need to use their emotional abilities to unlock their healing potential. It is important that you focus on healing yourself first because by doing so you can raise your vibration and fill up yourself with the light that can heal, support, serve, love and guide others.

5. The Seers

These Lightworkers have opened the third eye or psychic sight making them able to see beyond the physical and the veil of illusion. Their gifts include providing readings or services to inspire, empower, and guide others to their truth and the truth of the world.

They may also focus on areas where their energy is much needed for healing, transmutation, or release. It’s here where their light, power, and presence make a big difference. These people are usually the ones who reveal the truth behind the shadows. Most of them are really good psychiatrists who are labeled as parapsychologists (think of Carl Jung), truth activists and even professional psychics.

6. The Divine Blueprint Holder

Everyone has a divine blueprint, which is a template for a fully awakened self. All Lightworkers have this template, but the Divine Blueprint Holders are the most active in tuning into it and retrieving the codes of awakening. They are best at translating these codes so everyone can understand them and use them to raise the levels of their consciousness.

The Divine Blueprint Holders use sacred geometry and other sacred forms of communication through their work. They can be literally in any field and area of life but it’s the way the create and do things that matter. That’s how they subconsciously communicate The Divine Blueprint.

7. The Dreamers

The Dreamers serve their gift by dreaming, interdimensional travel, and going into the dream space which allows them to access alternate dimensions of experience.

The Dreamers are usually people who are called Psychonauts. They use certain rituals or supplements to embark on psychedelic trips and access realms and ideas that would later inspire and uplift the human spirit. If it weren’t for The Dreamers there wouldn’t be 90% of the art, technology, and inventions we have in the world today.

8. The Messengers

Messengers receive guidance and messages from the Divine, Angels, Ascended Masters, Galactic, and their Higher Self.

They share these messages through videos, blogging, teaching, or writing. Whatever media or platform, Messengers serve humanity through the awakening process by sharing powerful spiritual insight and information. They are explaining to people what’s happening to them making them better understand this journey of evolution through the guidance they receive from the Spirit.

9. The Manifestors

These Lightworkers are involved in weaving light to manifest changes on the earth, which could come in the form of intending and manifesting timelines, manifesting positive events or creating the template for greater love, greater light, and harmonious co-creation. They do this through various ways like meditation and visualization accompanied with self-inspection.

The Manifestors manifest for the highest interest of all beings, Gaia, animals, and all of the humanity. But as they keep manifesting they work strongly on their inner selves to make sure their manifestations are not of egoistical nature but from their heart center. Most of these people don’t even focus on manifesting but on clearing the way so what they resonate with is for the good of all.

10. The Ascension Guides

They are the ascending Lightworkers. They step into greater levels of light and share what they learn about the ascension process. These people step into the edge of enlightenment and push even further by questioning and embodying higher levels of light. Most of their teachings are aimed at the spiritual masters so they can push even further the spiritual evolution of humanity.

The Ascension Guides show us how to overcome some of the pitfalls of enlightenment to help everyone not lose themselves on their way to ascension. Some of their teachings might even contradict the regular teachings of Lightworkers. This is because they approach the truth from a much higher viewpoint and see the flaws that might surface with blind spirituality.

11. The Wayshowers

Wayshowers walk their talk. They embody the ascension process and live their lives in the most authentic way. They keep the highest interest of all beings and live an awakened and inspired life. These people are not even aware that they serve humanity in some way. All that The Wayshowers do is life in resonance with their truth and the teachings other Lightworkers share with the world.

These people are the heart of the Lightworkers. They are what inspires and motivates other Lightworkers to keep doing what they are doing because it is still good in the world that needs their light. And by looking at them, other Lightworkers are reminded of what really matters.

12. The Unifiers

These Lightworkers see how everything connects with everything else. They are really good at finding patterns and merging various philosophies into one. They are the translators that gather the teachings of other Lightworkers, the truths and philosophies of spiritual masters, and shape them in a way that is really easy for people to consume.

The Unifiers are good at perceiving the essence behind different opinions. That’s how they can find ways in connecting people together. They naturally see beyond the 2 sides and understand the whole that the 2 sides are a part of. These people are not just for translating but for unifying different teams of Lightworkers together so their impact can be much greater.

Even though you are mostly identifying yourself with one of the 12 types of Lightworkers, you are likely to have some traits from all the other. We are all a different mix of these types based on how these secondary types can benefit the realization of our primary type’s purpose.

[goddamnitdazai]

intersect. || TachiChuu

Rarepair week Day 3 - Carrying Home || Contains Manga Spoilers || canon typical violence ||  Death is a texture. Thick like sludge that clings to everything. Death is a consistency of cold, eerie thoughts that rupture in the forefront of a mind succumbing to pain. To sickness. Death is both stagnate and ever changing. It contorts itself in to the life of others who witness it while simultaneously diminishing the light of a soul once burning as forceful as the sun. Death is prudent and strong--but there are cracks and flaws. Immeasurable circumstances that can change with one movement, one different action where death is pushed off for a time being. Chuuya, for most of his life, has been the unstoppable force. Or at least has tried.

In the last year the movements he’d constructed within seconds have strung death up by its heels. It had been coming after those he cared for time and time again and it had the young man grinding his teeth in the throws of war. Endless, it seemed. The madness of it all drew heavy ink-hued bags beneath once bright azure and where he once saw home now laid a reminder of all those he lost. Five towers knocked down to three. Smoke and ash curling among ruins. Memories wrapped in crumpled steel and concrete. 

The Port Mafia and Yokohama were running short on time. People fled, as they did during the last great war, and people remained to fight off the ones who turned their city into a battle zone. Neighboring gangs teaming up under the leadership of one powerful, and rather obnoxious as Chuuya saw him, man with dark eyes and and even darker soul. There were days Chuuya did not rest more than an hour or two before being called on to team up with the city’s strongest ability users currently able to withstand the siege. The hunting dogs. Among their ranks, a man formerly part of what he considered his family and a man he respected, though their interaction remained in situational delegations. Now and again Chuuya had gone on shorter missions accompanied by Tachihara before he betrayed the Port Mafia. He was good with a gun, and Chuuya was good with his legs. Missions that required reconnaissance as much as brute power were done well by the two of them. At first the subordinate seemed nervous around Chuuya and he was unsure if it was his demeanor or his position. Both, Chuuya had assumed but with the events that had unfolded months ago it was heard to decipher what was true. At least that is what Chuuya told himself. Truthfully, he knew the kid wasn’t that great of an actor nor was he that cold. There was sincerity in who Tachihara was while hidden in the Black Lizard. He supposes it doesn’t matter at this point. Tachihara was doing his job to protect the city, and for the time being Chuuya could forget his transgressions for the sake of Yokohama. Hirtosu and Gin were breathing, and truth be told Chuuya related to both the feeling of betrayal and betraying what he could consider...family. A literal knife in Chuuya’s back based on fear and manipulation. Mirrored actions. Parallel paths intersecting on a different timeline. Chuuya huffs at the thought. Understanding Tachihara’s reasoning didn’t excuse his actions, but it made it more difficult at times to hold blame. Chuuya was angry; but could he be? A bullet whizzes past his head directing his attention to the forefront. He smirks. Twisting the bullet back to its original owner with a soft hum. Concrete falling to dust beneath this weighted footsteps red aura glowing through his body. Scent of blood thick in the air, but he’d been around it so long it’d become a familiar perfume. Gunshots ring out. His smirk rises knees bending to shoot him up on top of a pile of bricks next to a decaying parking garage. Bits of what used to be a bookstore and second floor coffee shop leaning down from bombs blowing out the walls. Glass shards rise up coated in fluid garnit piercing the air with a quick whistle that silences the gunfire. He was looking for the leader’s supply route, and from the look of all the semi trucks he’d found it. A second explosion rattles Chuuya’s skeleton before he jumps from rock to rock brought up by the gravitational pull at his fingertips. Avoiding the attempted assassination and only feeling faint warmth from the glowing fire until it buries itself in grey smoke. Chuuya smirks and waits for the second round of gunfire. Heart pumping blood quickly through his veins as bullets surround him, middle finger out and directing the now-ruby glowing bullets in a swirl just to send them right back. In his peripheral he notices metal beams moving quickly past the semi trucks that had been idling suspiciously quiet. Where were the drivers? Apparently, not the men he just killed with their own bullets. He could really use a fucking cigarette right now.

More metal rattles from a pile of wreckage flinging bits into dust covered shadows. Chuuya side steps one with a grunt hands shoved deep in his pockets as he walks towards the four trucks lined in a row trying to place what used to be here. He didn’t spend much time on this side of town unless he was driving by on his bike. A car dealership? Something useless to him. His eyes bounce around the environment taking in each strip of detail, where every particle of dust falls, and the faint sound of labored breathing. Chuuya stops mid-step peering down beneath his foot. Thick crimson pooling near a pile of sharpened metal fragments dug deep into a man’s body. Hunter green and pale blue--the color scheme was tacky and easy to spot. The enemy, despite their destruction, weren’t exactly in the business of protecting their own. Chuuya steps on the man’s chest ending it quickly. Traitor couldn’t even end a life before he moved on to the next, he thinks, jaw locking as he continues forward dust caking his shoe in mottled grey and brown. Mangled framework of a half-finished building peeks through the billowing smoke and dust. Night sky keeping a majority of the street clouded in deep navy, but the dark was nothing out of the ordinary for Chuuya. This much destruction in one swoop was something of a rare occasion and it left a sour taste in his mouth. He shakes the memory from his head; later. When he was alone with a bottle of wine and the job was completed. He could unravel for a moment before picking himself up again. His posture straightens as he kicks a boulder in to a hidden guard aiming for his head. “Oi, you fuckers going to play hide and seek all night or are we going to have a real fight?” He calls into the darkness, smirk rising higher than the sliver of moonlight above. More gunfire, scattered. Thin pops of gold against murky black encapsulating the broken down building making it easier for them to hide. Chuuya didn’t care. He was used to fighting in the dark. He follows the sound, humming. Bullets bouncing off him, cement cracking beneath his feet into a dozen sharp comets careening forward. Blood splatters. Metal shakes. A curled beam split in thin strips begins to vibrate at his ankle and shoots forward completing the end of a few stragglers his rocks didn’t take out completely. At least Tachihara was doing his fucking job. Chuuya ducks beneath one of the tilted beams leaning against a half-crumpled wall of bricks like the entrance to a tent. Smoke thick enough to make him pull his forearm up to block it from entering his lungs. Quietly he steps over rubble and glass shards, bullet casings rolling into the obscurity around him sound echoing louder the deeper he walks. Strips of moonlight casting white over bruised and battered bodies atop a pool of crimson painting the floor. Metal shards sticking out of a few further in. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up--something hits the floor near him hidden in the shadow barely caught by his quick-shifting gaze. Three seconds more and Chuuya would have kicked a crater in Tachihara’s head. “Oi, warn me next time you’re going to sneak up on me!” He grates out, pivoting with his hands shoved back down in his pockets. Blue eyes growing wide at the sight of his former subordinate. Tachihara looked a bit buffer, maybe from training again with the hunting dogs, maybe Chuuya never really paid attention. Blood had begun to streak down his side soaking the white t-shirt and familiar jacket. Strange how he’d changed from his outfit. Confuse the enemy, keep his secret identity hidden from foreign organizations..it didn’t matter. Chuuya’s jaw locks as he kneels down on the balls of his feet to asses. “You okay?” He asks voice a touch softer than before. Tachihara looks up at him blood caked on the right side of his head cascading down in thick dribbles over his cheek and chin. Shoulder speckled with the same deep red. “Yeah boss, asshole clipped my side and I fell.” He half-smiles and tries to push himself up to his knees only to fall again hand barely catching his weight. Chuuya’s brow arches. Boss? “Is Hirotsu okay?” Tachihara asks through gritted teeth. “Old man hasn’t been here all night. Shouldn’t he be helping or is it his bed time?” Despite the apparent pain Tachihara’s voice remains teasing, the way Chuuya remembered. Gruff, deep, a street tone Chuuya recognized in himself but airy in a way when he was around those he trusted. “Hirotsu…” shit, his head. Chuuya stares at him for a few moments running through different scenarios that could play out. Mori would want the information, but if he didn’t remember he was fucking useless as a captive. He wouldn’t even know he was captive. Chuuya rubs his palm down his face. “He’s fine. Hanging back letting us young ones do all the fuckin’ work.” Chuuya couldn’t let him die. For a myriad of reasons that would send the mafia in hot water, and..he couldn’t let him fucking die. Traitor or not. Traitor. That fucking word made Chuuya’s mouth feel dirty. And yet here they both were, perfectly described with that adjective. The only difference being time. Which meant what? It didn’t lessen the levels, the dishonesty and lies for personal gain. What happened because of his inability to lead. Tachihara showed himself as he was, there was little doubt in Chuuya’s mind the smoke and mirrors were just enough to infiltrate. Personal gain. Only reason to join a brigade like that; he wasn’t a mastermind like Jouno or a diehard believer...--but what drove him? Chuuya swears he feels something press into his back, the scar left long ago. Cold. His spine tingles. Tachihara’s face pales, sweat beginning to bead beneath his forehead and soak the front of his shirt. “C-c-chuuya-san...think..we can save the rest for the old man? Should pull his damn weight yeah?” That fucking half-smile, the one that tries to hide how deep his wounds were. His pain. “I suppose it’s only fair.” Chuuya states, extending his arms to scoop Tachihara up with ease. Kid was light as hell. “Oi, how do you weigh so little with all that muscle?” “I---you’re strong” He half bows to Chuuya in embarrassment, but the angle merely leads to Tachihara bumping the good side of his head against Chuuya’s chin. The older man grunts, eyes focused on what was in front of him. Feet moving fluidly through the wreckage; drop off point. The government had made one and he didn’t really give a fuck about being told to stay off the perimeter. Tachihara slumps against Chuuya’s chest causing Chuuya’s eyes to flit down in a panic that sends his heart to his throat. “Stay awake, Tachihara. It’s an order.” Chuuya commands in a tone the younger should recognize, and the reply of a simple nod is enough. The walk wouldn’t be too long, and from the quiet ahead there wouldn’t be much to stop them. Shadows pave their way winding through buildings and alleys. Yokohama drifting in to the one of the very few tranquil moments. Out of habit Chuuya begins to hum to himself. Filling the silence, and from what a few of them had said long ago… the reminder of someone else being there was comforting when everything else was uncertain and death loomed close. Chuuya tightens his grip on Tachihara, humming a bit louder as night begins to fall away to dawn.

[lokeanrampant]

Spirits of the Fade

Mouse and Imshael and company have been all over my feed of late.  So I’m tossing down some HC and ideas that have been wandering around in snippet-form in documents on my laptop.  

I think, in general, demons are supposed to be the worst aspect of an emotion.  The pure desire to be something more…

Neither spirit nor demon have the humanity (barring whatever you call what qunari, dwarves, and elves have…we’re simplifying here, damn it), the soul essence that creates life in our world.  They have SOMETHING, or they simply wouldn’t exist.  There is a spark there, those shiny lil wisps, but it’s…like a draft.  It’s unfinished.  And that’s why they reach out.  Spirits are more content in what they feel they are.  Demons?  Demons WANT. They feel very acutely that something is missing and they hunger for that.  It’s why the Fade is a replica of our world, why they are part of our dreamstate. They are mimicking that for which they long and attempting to fill in the missing pieces.  

So why are spirits okay with their lot and demons aren’t?  Good question.  Now, do I have a good answer?  I’m going to say that it’s because each spirit, or demon, or any Fade entity, is the personification of a particular emotion or state of being.  If something is felt acutely enough, if you believe something strongly enough, it becomes its own thing, takes on a life of its own. In this case, it’s fairly literal.  I would imagine that the Fade is a place of magic and bits and pieces of souls.  Unfinished matter and snippets of ideas.   This is particularly strong in places of extremes - battlefields would be overflowing, as they are, with all manner of strong emotions that literally thin the Veil.  When something is felt strongly enough – terror or rage or love or compassion – by enough people, especially by enough dreamers, they coalesce into either spirit or demon.  They become more.  They become self-aware.  But because they are fragmentary by nature, they are lacking something.  

For the more, shall we say, lighter and compassionate fragments, they are more, by nature of their essence, predisposed to being content with what they are.  Justice is righteousness.  Valor is simply that (and a bit of a dick, but I digress).  Faith is belief that there is a reason behind it all.  And so long as we believe in those concepts, they will exist.  It is only when they are placed outside their environment do they begin to change.  

For the darker emotions? Oh, they are very well aware that they are missing pieces of themselves.  They feel unfinished and empty.  Which of us hasn’t?  And if you haven’t, you are one of the few and extremely fortunate.  Unlike their lighter halves, they are not content to simply be unfinished.  They want more.  They have seen and tasted more and it’s cruel to have that just out of reach.  They want what every sentient being wants – a life, a purpose, to experience things.  They aren’t evil by nature.  They simply don’t have the experience to know better.  They are essentially toddlers who know what they want and they know they can do these actions to get it.  Admittedly, they are very smart toddlers.  They are mimics.  They simply do not have the same set of social interactive skills as society would demand.  So they do what they can, take what they can, manipulate as they can for their ultimate goal – to feel complete.

It’s actually horrifyingly sad.

So let’s talk Imshael and Mouse.  Cause I can. Cause I adore them both.

Imshael.  Oh honey…that boy is pure Trickster.  He’s old-world pagan Trickster.  He’s not really nice and he can do some damned shitty things…but it’s always the CHOICE of those with whom he interacts.  Tricksters are all for change and change can be ugly, it can be brutal, but in the end, it is NEEDED.  They will play the role of the villain with ease, because people are terrified of change, so who better than a villain to give them the nudge that is needed to make the decisions that will keep the world moving, to keep it from stagnating?  

Were he evil, he would happily take the choices of children.  But he doesn’t.  Why?  Because they don’t understand choice and consequence. Demons have no issue tempting children, as we have seen with Kitty and Connor.  So why doesn’t Imshael?  Because that’s not his motive.  He’s not a demon.  He actually IS a spirit…or a god.  He’s listed as a Forbidden (or Forgotten) One.  He’s more than some simple spirit and BioWare has a big-ass problem with shitting on pagan gods.  What they’ve done to the Dalish pantheon is damned rude.  

He’s personable and has personality.  He can be called out and he can laugh about it.  He can do nice things.  He can do totally dick things.  Or he can be absolutely brutal.  A trickster’s path is never easy.  And would he like those individuals who make the hardest decisions?  Absolutely.  He would adore those people who make decisions that cause ripples throughout the world, a cascade of change.  It’s why I HC he’s wearing Anders’ coat.  That was a decision that was open.  It was talked about, gossiped, spread throughout Thedas…it was VISIBLE.  It wasn’t the only turning point by any stretch; there were uprisings in varied areas for the mage revolution, the rebellion. But Kirkwall?  That was BIG.  That was SEEN.  And more than that, it had visible history.  Anders didn’t just wander in and decide to make a statement.  He was there for years.  YEARS.  He was known to the citizens of Kirkwall.  He was known as a healer.  He was known for trying to help so many.  The downtrodden of Kirkwall had a vested interest in their healer.  There is impact there.  It’s massive on multiple levels.  It’s a ripple that touched not only mages and templars, but the entirety of Kirkwall and their descendants.

And in the midst of the rebellion when you meet Imshael in DAI?  Hell yes, he’ll wear the coat of the most visible and known linchpin.  Abso-fucking-lutely.  Tricksters have more than a touch of drama queen.  They will play to expectation, they will play to the party line…until they flip it on its head and turn you in the direction they want or need.  Imshael is the type of spirit or god you want on your side…because you sure as hell don’t want him against you.  And humans always make the most interesting choices because everything is so “right now” with humanity.  Human decisions are bigger and bolder because of the amount of time we have to decide them.  It’s a very “Go Big or GO HOME” attitude.  Oh, he’ll play the long game without a doubt and he’s probably got plenty of irons in the fires across Thedas and across time.  But there is so much room to play with all the goings-on right now.  It’s exciting for him.

You’d think I’d have more on Imshael, but dude, I have tricksters all over my blog.  It’s kind of a thing.  You want more?  Ask me.  :D  Trickster goals are renewal and change.  They are the blazing forest fire destroying to renew.

Mouse?  Mouse is more fun in his way because he is less obviously anything.

So why does Mouse play with you in the Fade, if you’re doing the Mage Origin?  This is a trapped demon…how the Circle has trapped them, I’ve no clue.  But it’s been given a role and more than likely, it has witnessed more than a few Harrowings.  It knows how the play the game.  Demons are terrifyingly smart and adaptive creatures, always looking for whatever it is they believe is missing from themselves and they have absolutely no moral guidance preventing them from doing whatever they like to try and find it.

You never really get the sense that Mouse is actively try to harm you.  It’s legitimately a test…he’s watching to see what you do, observing.  Leading you, giving you hints, but ultimately, just seeing what type of person you are and how much interest you are going to bring to his time during this Harrowing.  Mouse is actually fairly neutral, though he has the options to choose a variety of actions and shapes. So being that Mouse isn’t actively trying to mess with the mage and possess them, it makes far more sense that he isn’t a demon at all.

He’s a gatekeeper, an interactive observer.  You do get the whole spiel of letting him slide out with you, but I wonder.  Would he actually do it?  I get the feeling that he wouldn’t, that he would just have some random demon do so.  It wouldn’t be interesting for him.  What is of interest is the participants of the Harrowing.  He is another form of trickster – being neither good or evil, but shaping the world events around him.  Were he to actually possess someone, he would lose the power to observe and shape the mages as they come to him.  Each Harrowing brings him new information, new stories, new everything. PLUS, he KNOWS the templars are watching and waiting.  

It’s very obvious he doesn’t like the Circle.  I think part of it is they somehow, ages back, managed to leash him to the Harrowings. He’s learned so much humanity from these events, more than most demons will ever learn from a simple possession. He learns frailties and strengths, fears, weaknesses, desire, bravery.  He uses the Harrowings as learning experiences as much as the mages.  Yet, overall, he’s still a Spirit of the Fade – not demon, not spirit guide in the ultimate sense.  The Circle would’ve tried to trap a demon for their purposes, but they really don’t have a good concept of what separates a demon from a spirit, now do they?  They would naturally assume they trapped a demon, but perhaps the trap they laid was appealing to more than just demons.  After all, they consider all spirits demons and all those possessed by piggybacking spirits to be abominations, and we know both are untrue.  Both the Avvar and Rivaini disprove that on multiple occasions, as do Wynne and Anders (don’t make me fight you on this).

So Mouse learned and became what they needed, each time.  

But ahhhh, he is still leashed is the question?  How could the Circle and Templars routinely put themselves at risk by trying to lasso a demon for EVERY Harrowing?  It doesn’t make sense for that.  I’d wager pretty heavily that they bound a demon – or what they thought was a demon – to their font for the Harrowing.  It could be that it’s individual for each Circle or perhaps, it’s bound to the stones within the Circles that allow the sendings between Circles, something that keeps them all in an internal network (whee…Circle Intranet is so a thing).  Is he still leashed?  I HIGHLY doubt it, but it totally suits his purpose to let them believe it.  He learns more than any spirit or demon could hope to achieve from an actual possession and could, legitimately, free himself at any time.  He enjoys this and I think there are those mages he feels deserves more from their Harrowings, like the Warden, like Anders, like those whose Harrowings we actually get to read about or experience.  These are the mages who have fates beyond the everyday.  He can sense there is something more in their lives because, after all, he has been around a very long time.  

So does that mean he is both Mouse and Anders’ cat?  Absolutely. He can take multiple forms and if he gets to play at multiple Harrowings, or at least, the ones where he feels particularly drawn?  He has this total air of a teacher.  He knows how the Circle works.  He knows how the Templars work.  He’s not fond of either.  He’s highly disgruntled, but he seems quite content to dismantle from the inside-out, putting ideas into the heads of young mages who pass his tests, not the tests of the Harrowing itself, but HIS tests.  He knows far too much for this to be his first dance.  

Did he start out as a spirit?  Likely.  He could’ve started as demon, even.  But he LEARNED.  He EVOLVED. Over the centuries and countless Harrowings, he has become so much more.  He’s a clinician, a scientist, an experimenter.  He watches and involves himself, setting up tests and variables, predicting and learning from the outcome.  He is theory and testing, trials and errors.  He is a literal trial within the Harrowing.

So here’s another neat idea. It’s not just the Harrowings.

Mouse is in the Fade. He’s not bound.  Mages are interactive in the Fade…it’s part of what sets them apart from non-mages.   So Mouse could easily seek out the mages of interest, those who have that glimmer around them that says these people have something of interest in store for them.

And for him.  

After all, fade spirits watch dreamers.  It is no surprise if he found himself fascinated by a few and interacted.  He would be testing variables and theories. And if he liked a particular mage? He would absolutely be sure he was the one at the Harrowing, if there was a potential for another to be there. He can mold them.  It makes him more like Flemeth.  She definitely finds those who have the potential for such great impact, great change in Thedas.  Flemeth has interacted with each major protagonist in the series, mage or no.  Makes you look at Mouse a little differently in that light.  If he’s looking at all of those dreamers and finds anyone of interest?  He would absolutely interact, mage or no.  The Fade is open to most everyone aside from dwarves, so Mouse can be anywhere and interact with anyone.  

He’s not just a trickster, changing outcomes, manipulating players, putting a touch of chaos and rebellion in those he touches.  

He’s a weaver.  He’s a FATE.  He’s the Spirit of Fate.  

Fate is all about trials, perseverance, overcoming odds to a final destiny.  It explains the warnings.  It explains the interest in specific Harrowings that we actually see and hear about. Most are probably fairly bland to Mouse, but not a few.  Not the ones who will change the path of Thedas to a significant degree.  It explains the not-quite clinical detachment as if he’s leading you.  He’s urging you to take a path, to accept it.  

Of course, Mouse can’t account for every variable.  People are people and throw random variables into the equation right and left.  Which is why Fate is so damned fascinated with these particular threads.  The weaving takes on a life of its own.  It’s novel.  It’s exciting. It is outside the norm and creates all these new threads and possibilities.

There’s even an HC theory out there that Mouse is one of the Forbidden Ones.  That has some serious potential in how he interacts with everyone.

[asmo-da-pupper]

Mental Health notes: Depression

Disclaimer: this blog is not certified as a licenced therapist or psychologist. The topics addressed are based on personal experience. Use these tips at your discretion.

To start off, many cases of depression stem from a basic cycle, which goes as follows: stagnation, resignation, hopelessness, and self-inhibition. Stagnation occurs when you end up in a loop of the same daily routine over and over again with no new or exciting events: for instance, get up, go to school, have the same classes, go home, sleep, repeat. This is why it’s common for Highschooler’s, Middleschooler’s, and college students to have depression. Resignation occurs when you see no change, so you start to believe that there will never be any change. Resignation is often accompanied by sayings like “It’s just how it is” or “There’s nothing I can do about it”. 

Hopelessness is the second half of resignation. It occurs when you’ve gone so long with no new stimulation, so long with no new change, that you develop a very pessimistic outlook on change: “Nothing I do will matter, so why bother” and “Nobody cares anyways” are very common thoughts during hopelessness. Self-Inhibition is when you have completely given up hope for change and have stopped trying to bring change because you have fully convinced yourself it won’t help. You’re now causing your own stagnation by preventing further change, thus perpetuating the cycle.

Now on to ways you can break your cycle. Believe it or not, there ARE things you can do to help yourself, and most don’t include having to talk with someone - which is wonderful, because you probably find it difficult to find help when you don’t believe anyone cares, or perhaps have social anxiety, or just don’t like talking to people in general for any reason. The tips: 1) Try to find the new in the old. On your way to school/work/etc, if you’re a passenger, look out the window and try to spot new things. It’s spring right now, so looking for flowers is perfect at this time, especially now in April. Different flowers are popping up everywhere, and some kinds only seem to last a day in bloom, so be sure to spot them all! 2) Art is an incredible tool, no matter what medium you choose. Use clay? Punch a lump into a bowl and vent some frustration. Write? Make a poem about your emotions. Paint? Grab a canvas, haul ‘er outside, and fling globs of color at it like a maddened Pollock. ANY medium can be used as a tool to take how you’re feeling, confront it head-on, and make something really cool while you’re at it. And hey, who knows, maybe someone will like what you made and you’ll get some cash out of it! 3) Remember to not focus on ignoring bad memories that may be adding on to your depression. Don't try to ignore it, because that never works - you're inadvertently thinking about the thing by thinking about NOT thinking about the thing. Try to just acknowledge, and then continue. For instance, "Yes, that happened and it was bad, but NOW this is happening and it's GOOD". 4) Remember to always ask yourself “What can I do to help with my [X]?” This may take a very long time, and it may be very difficult, but re-training your brain to begin thinking productively again is very important, and in the long run, knowing you can take care of yourself and solve problems will give you a huge confidence boost. Start small, for instance, if you’re in stagnation, ask yourself what you can do to brighten your mood. The answer may be to clean your room so it’s not so stuffy, or to take a walk so you can feel the sun. Little steps are the key to achieving big goals. 5) ENVIRONMENT ENRICHMENT!!!! I cannot stress this one enough. If it’s difficult for you to get out and moving and going to new places, you need to bring the new places to you - and that means changing up your bedroom. Your bedroom is actually very important to your mental health - it’s where you spend a lot of your time, so if your bedroom doesn’t feel happy, you won’t feel happy either. Again, it’s going to take a while to renovate a whole room, but getting new bedsheets or a new poster for your wall or even a new stuffed animal is still a step, and will still give you some of that newness your mind craves.

To boil it all down: Your mind needs stimulation. It’s made to take in new information as fast as it can, so when it has none, things start to get weird. It’s kinda like having a tiny lil hamster - if you don’t feed the hamster or give it toys to play with, something bad will happen. Take care of your brain-hamster. It’s working very hard and doing it’s best.

[moistwithgender]

Monthly Media Roundup (May 2019)

The march of time inexorably proceeds beyond my grasp and so I must write another post. I’ve been a bit burned out, just focusing on one diversion (it was Zelda, you know it was Zelda), but after finishing it I recovered enough energy to get a few more things done in the last half of the month. I didn’t watch any anime or read any manga in May, though I did read some 70s Marvel, which I liveblog in my “curry reads comics” tag. Last time I did an actual capital-P Post about my Marvel reading was a year ago after marathoning a full(ish) decade. If people are interested in more of that I could work at making posts for each year of issues I read, recapping the developments and my thoughts on them (which will become more relevant as Events become more common, I imagine). I’ve just got a few games to talk about this month, but I imagine I have a lot to say about at least one of them.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Switch): 2 years ago I did something I extremely rarely do: stood in line at a Best Buy at midnight for the release of the Switch so that I could buy it with BotW. BotW was also out on Wii U, which I had, but the promotional material for BotW had struck such a chord in me that it justified making the jump for the new console (this would eventually become troublesome when the first model of joycons failed, but, well). I got home, put some ten odd hours into it, and then put it down for two years. I’ve always had a problem where, struck with the intuition that I will end up forming a deep relationship with a work, I will put it off for years. I put off Persona 3 for five years after buying it at launch, and it eventually became the most personal game experience I would have, even seven years onward. I think the two factors that pushed me to finally play through BotW was wanting to watch a friend stream it (but also not wanting it spoiled for me), and needing a distraction for when I was taking care of my cat.

It’s been about two months now since he passed away, and I finally finished the game at 215+ hours about half a month ago. So, I was playing this game as a coping method while preparing for loss, and in dealing with loss. It’s appropriate that the game is effectively both a fantasy about reclaiming at least part of what you have lost, and a colossal exercise in coping. The game is as much about getting distracted from your responsibilities and fucking off to snowboard in the mountains as it is about being aware of the world around you. The Zelda games have frequently used themes of Shintoism to portray harmony in nature and in civilization. I’m currently replaying Ocarina of Time and the cosmogony myth (is it a myth if a talking tree explains it to you?) specifically words the goddesses as “[giving] the spirit of law to the world” and “[producing] all life forms who would uphold the law.” When I was younger (see: early 20s) I didn’t scrutinize the text much but now I figure it’s reasonable to read “law” as “natural order”. It should be noted that for an N64 game, OoT has remarkably good prose. BotW, in transitioning the series in what may be its third main genre (as opposed to the genres of Zelda 1 and OoT), has taken that Shintoist aesthetic and incorporated it into the entire philosophy of the game’s design. More than just being a game whose narrative concerns an imbalanced world, BotW embraces the trends of open worlds and immersive sims to create an immense, varied space where the coded laws of physics are always impacting the experience. Thunderstorms make metal equipment a liability, while rain covers the sounds of footsteps. Wind can sweep away items, fire and high temperatures affect flammable objects (including yourself), and aforementioned metallic items can conduct electricity, which can be used to solve puzzles in unintended ways. Weather changes regularly based on the region and changes the world in tandem. Rain doesn’t just fall, it actively collects, and ponds become bigger, and surfaces become slicker. Each systemic element (pun not intended) that was incorporated affected everything else in the world, and in interviews there were mentions that changing the volume of wind in one area had a butterfly effect on another, causing pots to fly off of patios in a village. It’s no wonder the game took five years to make, considering how rarely glitches occur in the game (and most that I know of have to be deliberately recreated for exploitation). You’re engaging with enemies as much as you are with the environment, and at times even with your own body, creating and consuming food and drink for the purpose of staving off sunstroke or frostbite. As a result, BotW’s Hyrule is immensely palpable, and easy to lose oneself in from how livable it feels.

When I first started playing at release, I was a bit disappointed to discover that villages existed in-game, as early promotional material and the state of the Great Plateau you start on painted a picture of a lonely world. In the end, the soundtrack and vast amount of uncolonized land does give an understated sense of melancholy that defines the game, though the fact that every five steps you’ll find a Korok micropuzzle waiting to YA HA HA and fanfare at you betrays that a bit (I still love those Koroks and their puzzles, don’t @ me). The NPCs in this are numerous, though, from the occupants of the villages to wandering traders, and their personalities are all distinct and charming, and probably the best I’ve ever seen in a game, or at least in a long time. If this game wasn’t railroading the Link/Zelda relationship so hard, I would have liked a Dragon’s Dogma-style “date any NPC (within reason)” mechanic. I’m just going to have to start a “NPCs you should marry” side-tumblr.

Another defining aspect of the gameplay, and easily what makes the game surpass arguably every other Zelda, is how Nintendo heard the decade or so of complaints about the linear Zelda lock-and-key formula being reiterated to the point of stagnation, and, after great success with A Link Between Worlds’ item rental subversion, just decided to make everything optional. You do the tutorial on the Great Plateau, and, if you feel especially gutsy, you can beeline it straight to Ganon. He’s in horse-riding distance, or running distance, if you’re tenacious. Will you make it to him, survive the hordes of enemies, and take him down? If it’s your first time playing the game and you haven’t learned the systems, probably not. Is it possible? Absolutely. Much like how the monthly cycle of a Persona game is a proverbial Rocky training montage of preparing for The Big Fight, everything you do in BotW is in preparation. A lot of open world games can feel dissonant in that you’re incentivized to be distracted as a player and make your own fun, meanwhile the protagonist keeps saying “I’m gonna get bloody revenge on the mafia boss!” during bowling matches. There is still, unavoidably, a sense of urgency played up for narrative sake in BotW, since Impa insists Zelda is waiting and can’t hold Ganon back forever, but it’s all much more narratively justifiable, if you want that. You know, because Zelda is for hardcore roleplaying.

I couldn’t resist a second playthrough, even after logging 215+ hours, so I went ahead and started a separate file on Master Mode, Nintendo’s weird in-house, in-franchise rebranding of, uh, a hard mode. Previously it was called Hero Mode. Why do you--well, okay, I know why they do it. They’re likely trying to distinguish it from a “we just tweaked the numbers” hard mode, and also want to make it feel less threatening than something labeled hard mode. If they’re going to go to the trouble to make it a distinct form of play, they want to try and appeal to everyone. And it is fairly distinct. All enemies are bumped up one rank, so a red bokoblin is blue, and a blue bokoblin is black, and so on. There is a new strongest rank of enemy, though in my run I did not seek them out. There are enemies (and treasure chests!) perched on flying rafts, which can be one-shot with proper bow aiming, but also carry dangerous elemental arrows, and can alert all other enemies in the area. Stealth is much more difficult, and pointless early in. All enemies regenerate up to a third of their health, including bosses! Though, that can be temporarily interrupted by inflicting any amount of damage on them, so it behooves you to be on the offense. Less autosave slots! This wasn’t a problem for me. Guardians randomly delay the firing of their beams! This was absolutely a problem for me and I avoided them entirely in my run. In the beginning when tools and resources are scare, particularly on the Great Plateau, Master Mode is at its hardest, and its most thrilling. Rather than aimlessly exploring, I was pressured to decide where I knew things were, and beeline it to them. Sometime in-between two of the four main optional dungeons, I had amassed enough valuable resources that the game had settled back into the same kind of difficulty as normal mode. Bosses were a little harder due to regen and my resources being somewhat scarcer, but they were manageable. Competently performing flurry attacks (upon successfully dodging attacks at the last second) was extremely valuable to me, but I imagine with enough food in my inventory, I could have brute forced my way through a lot of the fights (though, uh, obviously thou wouldst like to live deliciously (please hate me for this phrasing)). I chose to forego the Master Sword for the sake of challenge, and beat Master Mode with only seven hearts, in around 25 hours. You should play Master Mode, it’s fun.

Here’s a little gameplay SPOILER:

Something I haven’t done, but would like to eventually do, is avoid the main dungeons and just head straight to Ganon. When I played Master Mode, I wasn’t totally confident, and did the dungeons for the resources. After watching some speedruns I learned that if you skip the dungeons, and therefore the main bosses, you have to fight them all at once immediately before the fight with Ganon, without breaks.

That. Sounds. Great.

Wandersong (PC/Steam): Have you heard about Homestuck?

Okay, wait. Wait. Come back, wait. Stop leaving. PLEASE.

Okay, I got the most inflammatory sentence out of the way. Now that we’re eased into that: Wandersong is unignorably influenced by Homestuck. Homestuck conjured a lot of baggage, from having a really difficult, pretentious, arrogant author (I should know, I gave him the benefit of the doubt for way too long), to having some unfortunate narrative turns, to being a billion words long. Wandersong invokes the vaster-than-God scope, the minute and personal perspective of the heroes, and its inclinations toward emotional intelligence (it still surprises me Homestuck had these moments given the author’s deeply unsympathetic sense of humor), and… condenses it! It also makes it a light puzzle-platformer and is about performing music (note: not rhythm, you don’t have to have ANY rhythm), and looks like a Paper Mario game. It is very charming, very funny, very optimistic, and most surprisingly, uncompromising at times. Wandersong says that you, despite your role, are capable of great things, especially self growth and change, as long as you commit to it. If, faced with the consequences of your bad decisions, you choose to double down and keep at it, you will reap what you sow. This is distinctly different from Undertale’s brand of pacifism route optimism, where “no one has to die!” This brand of optimism is a measured but enthusiastic “you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved, but you can save the rest” and I think that’s a uniquely valuable message.

I was a little confused about the resolution of the communist uprising chapter, but I recall the game bringing my cynicism into question, and the most important thing a work can do is make you question yourself.

(Also, if any of my mutuals are low on funds but interested, I do have a drm-free version I can share.)

Minit (PC/Steam): I don’t think I actually have a lot to say about Minit! It’s very fun and curious and short. You play a little… duck… thing, and you pick up a cursed sword which kills you in one minute. Then you wake up the next day, and die in a minute. Then you wake up the next day. Having only sixty seconds of vitality, you have to optimize your exploration. There’s a slow-speaking old man who you will die listening to, but the hint he gives at the end of his sentence will lead you to something valuable. There’s a guy in a bar angry about the lack of music. If you change the music, he will probably dislike it. If you keep changing the music, you might live to see him like it. There’s a boat ride to a tropical island you have to grit your teeth and wait through. Not all of the events are slow, some are quick bouts of hurried exploration. Most of it is, given the time limit. I’d say more, but given the overall length (it took me about an hour to finish), I’d risk spoiling a sizable fraction of the experience. It’s about $10, though I got mine in a Humble Bundle Monthly subscription. The spec requirements are very low, so your laptop can likely run it.

A Hat in Time (PC/Steam): Heads up, I’m gonna get into a lot of spoilers for this game, including endgame spoilers, but also heads up, the story isn’t really the point in this game. This is a game about tone and platforming. That said, I’m gonna be talking exclusively about the weird ideas in this game, and if you want those weird ideas to be a surprise, then just skip ahead until I put up big letters.

I’m somewhat hesitant to be critical of A Hat in Time because despite a number of weird Things about it, I recognize that it’s quite popular with a lot of people, and that always makes me pause and want to figure out what it is that makes it pass the bar for others. My guess at this point is that it invokes nostalgia through its unmitigated imitation of games that came before. The games it chooses to ape are all your childhood’s Greatest Hits, Wind Waker (which it most resembled in its earliest development), Super Mario Sunshine/Galaxy (which it most resembles now), Banjo-Kazooie, Psychonauts, etc. It never really surpasses those games, for me, and at times cribs from them to the degree that it obscures the game’s own identity. After all, what you enjoy may help define you, but you wouldn’t say it’s your personality. Well. Unless you kin the Gamecube. I guess. There are bonus levels to the game’s different “worlds” (I thought they were different planets, since your hub area is a spaceship, and you access them via different telescopes, but it turns out it’s just one planet?), and you can collect photographs, which sequentially tell a story about the residents of that “world”. Psychonauts did this because each level took place in the mind of a character, and the photos together told a story about the character that fundamentally changed the way you thought about them, and made the whole game feel richer as a result. I collected the photos for all but the DLC levels in AHiT (those are Really Hard), and of those five or so worlds, none of those bonus photos told me anything that changed how I thought about the characters. There’s a dock town run by a mafia (s-sorta) led by a chef, but did you know they all used to work at a processing factory before going there? There are two manipulative bird directors who are fighting over the same studio to produce their own film and win an award, but did you know they… wanted to be directors since they were kids? There’s a devil analogue who steals people’s souls if they wander into his forest, but did you know he was a prince, and the princess was mad he talked to another girl (it was a flower girl, he was getting flowers for the princess), and imprisoned him until they both the prince and princess turned into evil ghosts? That’s the only one that comes close to being an “oh” moment, but I don’t think it does for the reasons the writer was hoping for. In general, these are prologues without substance.

Speaking of substance, the game has a bit of an issue with theming. At least, it does at first. The first town is the previously mentioned dock town, run by a mafia. By “mafia”, I mean a bunch of meatheads who talk about how they like punching people, and refer to themselves individually, in the third person, as Mafia. Mafia loves to punch the poor and the birds. Mafia is a one-dimensional character copy-pasted across 20% of the game. Mafia laughs. They’re run by a chef, but also they can’t cook, so there’s a cat chef in hiding who routinely swaps out their food with his so no one has to eat bad food. I don’t know why, when the town has maybe three non-Mafia character. He does eventually leave and board your ship, so maybe he’s just looking for something to do. The leader of the mafia also boards your ship, for a joke and to sell you an upgrade. The mafia are also afraid of mud monsters, or aliens, or something. There’s a girl with a moustache named Moustache Girl who wants to use your Time Macguffins to overthrow organized crime, and Hat Girl decides that’s a no-go. There are giant faucets around the town that replace all the water with lava. You might be noticing these things have little to no connection. You might be suspecting this level was made first when the dev was inexperienced. I might be suspecting this. It’s fine.

Later worlds do a much better job of theming. There’s the movie studio split between two birds. One of them a penguin, who prefers science fiction, the other a…

...hmmm. I suspect this guy, The Conductor, is an OC the director has had for a while, maybe since childhood, that they just decided Is A Bird, and carried it into the game, since the game occasionally is like... bird?? Alternatively, it’s some sort of corruption of Woodstock from Peanuts. Possibly both. Anyway, this guy just wants to make movies that take place on wild western trains. He has a strong fake Scottish accent, and the penguin, named DJ Grooves, is some sort of disco Elvis. They’ve both hired owls as actors, and some crows have snuck onto the train set (the crows are so obviously the G-Men from Psychonauts’ Milkman level it bothers me a bit). This is already a little busy, but it’s okay! Birds, movies, two distinct genres, and you trapped in-between them, just trying to collect your macguffins. It works. You take part in both of their movies, and your performance in both determines the winner, when suddenly… CORRUPTION WAS AFOOT, and you have to explore the depths of the studio and engage in a showdown.

Another world is a spooky forest where your access is restricted by completing certain contracts for the devilish character. Sometimes it’s murder (reasonable), exploring a haunted mansion in survival horror format (ooh!), fixing the plumbing in a well (wait, what), and doing mail delivery (back up back up). Half of that works. The finale of the forest makes up for it, though. This game insists on most of its bosses having like 4-5 phases and breaks for dialogue and the gall required to get away with that honestly earned my respect. They’re pretty fun times.

The best level to play is, unsurprisingly, the first DLC. I say unsurprising because it’s clear the dev is learning as they go, and the level design improves as they go along. Aside from bonus levels, the first DLC takes place on a massive cruise liner titled the SS Literally Can’t Sink. Ha ha. It’s split into three parts. The first part has you exploring the many interconnected rooms of the ship to find broken shards of a macguffin, the second part has you taking that mental map and using it to frantically complete multiple timed fetch quests at once, and the third part, now that you understand the ship pretty intimately, capsizes the ship, requiring you to traverse frigid waters and overturned scenery to retrieve babies and the ship’s incompetent but adorable baby seal crew (the seals speak in hewwo talk, the game is unforgivably loaded with memes but let me have this). This progression is my favorite in the game, and while I haven’t bought the Nyakuza Metro DLC, I’m looking forward to it.

The ending level had me a bit bewildered at first because in the beginning when Hat Kid refuses to use time powers to stop organized crime, I saw it as a hamfisted way to create tension between Hat Kid and Moustache Girl. Apparently it was working up towards the moral of the story. In the final level, Moustache Girl has stolen all the macguffins, and possessing ultimate power, becomes corrupted ultimately, and summons everyone in the world to her Bowser castle to be judged and die. On first glance, I thought “well, sure, that’s sensible,” but when Hat Kid finds the support of all the villains in the game, I was a little confused. The villains sacrifice themselves to give you infinite health, explicitly stating that they’ll just come back through time magic if you win so who cares (cool stakes), and you overcome authoritarianism with the support of corrupt hollywood, organized crime, and the literal devil. This would be fine if at some point Hat Kid, you know, took them on a Zuko Quest to face turn all of them, but that doesn’t happen. They just all decide “hey yeah, fuck this girl! Also we don’t have time for the nuance this might require!” After all is said and done and you collect all your macguffins, you’re given the choice of leaving the defeated Moustache Girl a single macguffin so she can defeat the mafia (whose side are we on) or just saying nahhh. Neither appears to make a difference, but maybe in a year or two we’ll get a DLC that makes you regret your words and deeds. You try to fly your ship to your home planet, and the villains all grab on to your ship, which is in space, begging you not to leave. I seriously suspect they intended to incorporate face-turn scenes and just couldn’t find the time, because nothing but physical proximity implies these guys would have any emotional attachment to Hat Kid, and that’s a bit of a stretch. Anyway, Hat Kid brooms them off the ship to plummet down to earth and flies away. Sheds a tear about the whole thing. In the end, the moral was that Order good, but too much Order bad, except if you are Hat Kid, in which case Chaos good. Or maybe…

After finishing the game I decided to look into any left over secrets, since my completion score was in the 80s of percents. Turns out that if you use the camera badge to finagle the free look feature into a marginally open armoire somewhere on your spaceship, you can find a shrine to Hat Kid with a couple skulls, a bunch of blurry photos, and some strange symbols. If you doing this while wearing the mask that lets you see the secrets of the dead (for platforming and puzzle purposes, of course), there’s a bunch of alien text you can decode. And then there’s some youtube channels. And a twitter account. All sharing more of those decodable ciphers, all talking about vague dreamy apocalyptic histories and dark betrayals. Or something. That’s right, this game’s got a fucking ARG. I cut things off there. If the developer Gears for Breakfast is gonna make an occultist grimdark sequel to A Hat in Time, they can put up a trailer for it.

OKAY I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT A HAT IN TIME, the short of it is that I had a lot of mixed feelings but had fun.

How did I end up talking more about A Hat in Time than Breath of the Wild? What are my priorities?

Well, that’s everything I finished in May! Will I get back to anime and manga in June? Guess we’ll see! Again, let me know if you want me to do year-recap Marvel posts, since my liveblogging is mostly just shitposts, and the occasional attempt at thoughtfulness among those posts feels kind of out of place. Honestly, I’m probably gonna do that anyway, but it’s nice to see interest. If you read all this, thanks a lot! Go play Breath of the Wild and Wandersong.

[gamergeeker]

If the RUIN hadn't happened, what sort of stuff do you see happening to the characters?

That’s a very tough question for me. RUIN’s involvement in their lives really shaped who they turned out to be, more than just a life event. If anything, Valek would have probably ended up as a happy Protectorate Captain with his own crew, just as hundreds if not thousands of Protectorate before him. Straun wouldn’t have met Valek, due to her being a refugee on the Ark, and subsequently wouldn’t have developed such a love of elemental weaponry, and likely just being a peaceful Floran on Earth. Shilka would still be wandering her Ocean home trying to remember things. Ruka would still be a hard-ass with Krask as her softer side, though I think one of them would have eventually broken the ice and actually admitted to feeling something more than just friendship. Shirri, however, would still be on her asteroid, hiding from Miniknog, and raising her beloved pets (even though they’re still 100% wild and she’s just too nice to think much of a Skimbus trying to slap her).Vercel wouldn’t have met Maruma, as the Floran would still be on Ruka’s ship as a fighter, and the bird himself would be only a step behind Valek, though Vercel would have more of a difficult time with the regiment of being an actual captain. Vasiri would absolutely have stayed at that manor until someone else came along, and there’s about a 50/50 chance of her staying or going with this newcomer. Rukim would still be in his little corner of heaven (a rainbow biome, but close to a beach). Abbyrram and Namika would have likely had a more typical coupling ceremony, seeing as the two were already something of a couple, though Abbyrram wouldn’t really know just how deeply Namika was in love with her.As far as the Released Crew (Morrik and the others), they’d still have Ruka and Krask keeping them in line until someone either left or cracked from Ruka’s rigid and heated way of dealing with things. There’s still a bet ongoing in the secret logs on who would leave the crew first. So far it’s Russik who everyone thinks would crack. He’s hard-pressed to disagree. Thankfully Morrik turns out to be completely capable of running a ship himself, though he wouldn’t have gotten that chance if Ocassus hadn’t killed Krask to make Ruka rethink her way of doing things. That being said, Ramarri would still be a happy enforcer alongside Captain Grattice, and would likely end up serving alongside the Captain until his retirement and likely a peaceful Father-Daughter life ahead of them from there. That’s what he wanted, at least. Beyond that, Kiri never was under Ruka’s ire, so she would have had little reason to leave the crew. Stagnation, technically. Though without the RUIN making the crews shuffle, they wouldn’t have gotten Freyah as a medic-in-training.Vei’s crew wouldn’t have really been much different, or would be completely different. That depends on how the influx of refugees would have affected the volume of colonists to be brought in. The lack of refugees would likely have removed as much of a need to have colonies, though Vei would have built a colony nonetheless, and if all facts were accounted for, Vei would never have met Ilvirin due to the chances of getting her in the first place. He’d have likely kept building his colony and never gotten in touch with the sense of self that his girlfriend has brought out in him. Obviously, that also means Marrin would remain a street-fighting drunkard with absolutely no drive in life. He’d have taken another apartment with Ilvirin, and likely caused a great deal of trouble. Raura would almost definitely have held her tongue, so to speak, about coming with Vei. It was seeing an actual crew that changed her mind in the first place, and it was the friendly and accommodating environment on the ship that drove her to ask to come with them. Without Ilvirin and Marrin, Raura would have remained a quiet tenant who painted from imagination, dealing with artistic stagnation.With those four crews neatly organized into happy and sad possibilities, the Ends and Means crew needs addressing. Thankfully short, the fifth crew would likely have gotten slapped with an actual warrant due to their theft and hijacking of ships for profit. If they weren’t in trouble, they’d just have to be a lot more lucrative. Rinka would eventually either gain traction as an underground member to be reckoned with, or in a prison for a long time. Narzi would remain as a Resistance assassin with or without Rinka, though her targets would be greatly reduced. That being said, Narzi would either end up with a serious reputation, or she’d mysteriously vanish. Yama would likely considered a case of “Florans are just Florans” and end up marooned on a planet with other Florans. She’d fit right in. Malkin is the one who’d fare literally the same. He’s the code and brains of the crew, and would have no problems making himself invisible to the Protectorate. Though if he were ever caught, he’d have the worst sentence of them all. Not because he kills, not because he steals, but because he’s the one who cracked codes and stole clearances to sell hundreds of ships, he cracked distress beacons to reset them, he rewired S.A.I.L.s to reset them, etc. That being said, with the Protectorate still in play, the 5th crew would be forcibly disbanded shortly. It’s the absence of Protectorate that allowed them to flourish. Then again, only half the ships they sold were occupied due to Ocassus members and bandits emptying ships of their inhabitants. 

[uss-edsall]

Shiggy Goes To The VMI Centre For Leadership & Ethics

Under the break is all the notes I took during the conference. Most came from the speaker Dr. Hogan, some came from cadets and alumni I spoke with, and most of the quotations are verbatim from ex-Navy SEAL James Hatch.

VMI Centre for Leadership & Ethics GRIT - Growth, Resilience, Integrity, Tenacity GRIT Conference Grit & Growth Mindset is a tremendous indication of success. Success comes from: - family, culture, friendship; a supporting blanket. People who encourage you to rise higher. - Environment and circumstance; in other words, good luck. Sometimes it really does come down to luck. 10,000 hour rule: the best of the best started young and kept at it constantly. - How good you are at the beginning has no bearing, it’s more influenced by how much time of deliberate practice is put in. Talent is merely part of it. - People of average intelligence and skill can become world class. You gotta work hard — and the path to success is never linear. - Deliberate practice is influenced by a growth mindset — a willingness to learn. - Mindsets are beliefs about yourself and your basic qualities, e.g. “I’m bad at math.” Fixed mindset would be “and I’ll never get better,” growth is “but I can get better.” - Fixed growth mindset is deciding you’ve hit your ceiling in something. You can’t get better anymore, or it’s not worth it, at the first negative feedback or wall you hit. - Growth is “that failed, but I can see why it did and I’ll avoid making that same mistake!” - Being growth oriented is a good indication of success. Believe in a world of no ceilings. Brain is a muscle; harder you work, smarter you get. There’s no ceiling to stop us from doing what we think we can do; except our own mind. - Encourage your children, but don’t stop at a young age. Continue to encourage them to work harder. If they stop young, if they get situated on one thing they’re good at without working in what they’re not good at, they’ll stagnate. - Always remember - one day, you were that young too. - Behaviour persistence. Commit even if it is difficult or adversarial, this is a marathon, not a sprint. - Sustained and passionate pursuit of goals. Gotta be able to tap into passion when you’re low. - Hard work isn’t all. - Working hard for something you don’t care about is stressful - working on what you love is passion. - Grit is a better predictor of success than intelligence and skill. Who you know helps, but it’s not all. - Authentic grit; passionate pursuit that inspires others to become better, humble; never put others down and always try to make them happier or better in some way. - Bad grit. Taking shortcuts (faux grit) not doing everything and acting like you put in the same level of work. Stubborn grit - being so fixated upon a goal that you ignore negative feedback or any cautionary words, ignoring any better way to get there. Selfish/selfie grit - “I” and “me”, tell everybody what you did, being all about yourself. - Learn how to take criticism and feedback objectively and constructively, not defensively. - Nobody sets out to fail, but you can learn from failure, and then it around into an opportunity with constructive self reflection. - Get comfortable with uncertainty, you won’t always be in your comfort zone. - Be optimistic - but realistic. - Hear feedback from people, observe others failures and learn from them too. - Never get angry at criticism or get sad; they’re the wrong responses. You won’t get better at your skill if you react defensively or take it personally. - Don’t say “you’re so smart”, say something like “great work studying so hard!” - Reward yourself and others, not just on outcomes, but in effort too. - Look forward optimistically, but be realistic — if you don’t swim ever, you aren’t going to beat Michael Phelps. - Don’t assume you can’t, if you’re lost, seek help to better understand. - Ask yourself whether you hit a wall or can detour and try from another route. - Gotta know what you love to pursue it with zeal. - Encourage and open dialogue with others. Discuss success and failure stories — so both of you can learn from it. - Example of slip from good to bad grit - working so hard you go from passion to stress, and negatively impact your health. - Always remain aware of who or what helped you to get to where you are. - Don’t forget where you came from - don’t become self-absorbed. - Grit in areas without passion — at the beginning, things tend not to be enjoyable. But the worn you’re doing, in some form, helps what you are passionate about. Just find that relation and keep going to it as fuel. - Grit is long term — a marathon, not a sprint. - Remember: reward on effort, not on result. - To reach your ultimate goal, take it step-by-step, day-by-day. - Include everybody; find a way to relate and get even the quiet guy talking. - Retain info, and remember situations. You never know when you’ll have to recall things in minute detail. - Remain positive — and analyse your failures. Hang around positive people. - SMART Goals - Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic/Relevant Time-Oriented Goals. - Thinking Traps: “I’ll never amount to anything.” “Could’ve been, should’ve been,” “I’m the worst!” Refuse to fall into such traps. - Are ethical dilemmas ever black-and-white? How many drops of piss does it take to spoil the soup? - It’s easy to lie to yourself. - ABCs - activation event; belief - what you think in that event; consequence - how you react due to your beliefs. Event: you’re injured in a hockey game. Belief: you can’t play, you’re injured. Consequence: you don’t play. Event: coach comes in and shouts that you’re not a hockey player, you’re just a quitter. Belief: “fuck you, I’ll play!” Consequence: Playing hard in the rink, out of spite if nothing else. - You’ll have to define success in your own life. At some point, you’ll have to pay a price, in some shape, or form. There will be a sacrifice. You will have to make hard decisions. - Criticism is a two-way street. You have to have thick skin, but also know to not take it personally. Criticism is meant for betterment of your shortcomings. - You have to be your own harshest critic. If you’re criticised, you should’ve noticed beforehand at least slightly. - Being able to take criticism constructively and objectively is a must. Not only does it mean no arguments or upset feelings, but it means that others can see your potential for improvement and constructive work in a team — and your continued worth as an employee. - Anybody can point out to you how you fucked up - few give a way out.

Navy SEAL James Hatch - “I have a graduate degree in cussing.” - “You either bring something to the team or you’re drag, dead weight.” - “Jimmy, I can’t carry your fat ass. You’re going to have to stay with me.” - “War is not a clean transaction between volunteers. It is a very dirty thing.” - “Things I saw were put in a mental backpack to be dealt with later — and after my medical discharge, the zipper broke.” - “Never underestimate your ability to influence the trajectory of another human’s life. Especially in their most vulnerable moments.” - “Just being kind and professional can affect people... especially in their most vulnerable moments.” - “I was no longer an asset — I had no hope to be one again.” - “Apply the criticisms you gave to others on yourself too.” - “There was no prescription for hope - I had to find it. Hope can’t come from drugs. It comes from those you love.” - “You can’t run, Jimmy. You’re doing this for you, for your family, and for the rest of us that are coming down the pipe.” - “They didn’t turn their back on me.” - “Don’t talk about killing in the psych ward — especially when you were a Navy SEAL.” - “What do I do now?” - “Can you believe it! A Navy SEAL, rejected from working at the Apple Store!” - “Everybody has the capacity to be an asset and a liability. Everybody has the capability to make a liability into an asset. Will you?” - “You can’t go for long in life alone.” - “My life was saved because other people were there and wanted to see me do well.” - “The biggest fear in combat was not me getting killed — but it was me fucking up and getting a buddy killed.” - “Leaders need to create a transparent  environment. Mental health is as important as physical fitness.” - “Depression is a very selfish thing. It’s al about how you feel, without consideration for others. A dog entirely depends on you. You have to get off your sad ass to take care of them.” - “We need to change the definition of tough. It’s dumb to bottle it up and hide your thoughts, feelings, traumas. It’s dumber still to drown them in booze, drugs, and escapes. You cannot go through life quietly suffering.” - “I’m gonna do what I can. You gotta keep fighting. It’s constant. You gotta keep fighting.”

[illegalastrology111]

LIBRA YEAR AHEAD

MONEY: With Jupiter in Scorpio affecting your 2nd house of money, material possessions and self-worth, you’ll be empowered, protected and supported by the Universe to transform your finances from negative - positive, financial lack - financial abundance, with the sheer power of your will.    As long as you stay in harmony with Natural Law and allow the Universe to guide you, you should be in a better position financially by the end of the year. At the same time issues of self-worth and self-confidence will come to the forefront for you to deal with, so you can at least explore, through deep introspection, the reasons why you’re not using your personal power to its fullest capacity.  

With Uranus moving into Taurus May 15th - November 6th, there will be a change in joint financial partnerships as you become more independent and able to forge your own path.  However, with Uranus moving back into Aries November 6th - March 7th 2019, there may still be some back and forth with certain people, while you solidify goals.  

The Solar Eclipse in Cancer July 12th, heralds major new beginnings in fulfillment with career and ambitions, especially with people in authority and power who will be more supportive and willing to help.

The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse,January 31st, in Leo, affects, groups friends, hopes and wishes, signaling the end of a creative alliance that no longer serves its purpose and the end of a friendship/group associated with it. However, when Mercury retrogrades in Leo, July 26th - August 18th,  some aspect or person connected to this alliance may briefly come back.  In between this retrograde there will be a New Moon Solar Eclipse in Leo, August 11th, bringing a major opportunity to embark upon a new path for your hopes and wishes and meet new people.  Just be careful not to sign anything until the retrograde is over.    The New Moon Solar Eclipse in  Aquarius, February 15th, will also bring an unexpected change of fortune, in that however things have been going up to this point, events will show you, things are about to change, which could also “push” you into the forefront of attention in the months ahead.  Whatever occurs at this time, realize you’’ll have to take a “leap of faith” into the unknown in order for your life to improve.    By the time the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse arrives July 12th, in the middle of Mars retrograde also in Aquarius, June 26th - August 27th, it will seem as if everything is happening at once!  “When it rains it pours so to speak” and with any luck the unraveling of certain negative scenarios inadvertently affecting your life and happiness.   With Aquarius Eclipses occurring in your house of risk, happiness and creativity, you can’t afford to “play it safe” with talents and abilities,  You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone, be more daring, try something new and inventive, this is, if you’re serious about being successful and gaining recognition.  

Neptune in Pisces sits in your house of work, service and health, therefore you can’t afford to give people qualities they don’t have or hear what you want to hear.  You have to “lift the blinders” and see your work environment for what it is and the people you work with.

Once Jupiter moves into Sagittarius November 8th for one year, you should experience tremendous opportunity and good luck with projects, plans ideas and the ability to make short journeys.   When Mercury retrogrades in Sagittarius November 16th - December 6th, you may have to go back and redo certain projects because of faults and weaknesses.

Venus in Scorpio will retrograde in your house of money October 5th - November 16th. An indication that you should be very careful of forming partnerships wit people who maybe undermining with their intent.   Wait until the retrograde is over before making any definitive decisions,   signing documents concerning money.    Overall, 2018 will be a remarkable year for work, finances and your life in general being transformed from negative to positive.

SEX:: With Uranus currently affecting long-term love, in the sign of Aries until May 15th,  when  it moves into Taurus, then returns to Aries finally, November 6th - March 7th 2019, personal relationships will change, your attitude towards them will change and your choice of partner will change.   The Universe is guiding you towards people who have more depth of character, spirit and integrity, who maybe few and far between, but worth the wait and ultimately the only way you’ll find/experience true worth, value and happiness in love.    The Eclipses in Aquarius this year also affect your house of romance, indicating that friendships should be a main focus when it comes to building a love relationship, in order to solidify and strengthen them.  The Uranus in Aries cycle is about learning to be an individual, independent, your own person in the context of a relationship, so that the relationship doesn’t become all consuming and smothering to the point you’re not able to focus on your life purpose and be considerably stronger.

The Uranus in Taurus cycle is about setting a higher bar for the type of person you want to be with and know that certain karmic relationships may re-enter your life during this time.   It would therefore be wise to avoid any impulsive, compulsive urges you feel towards certain people,, so that pitfalls, pain and sorrow can be avoided.  If you look for inner beauty and not just outer beauty, it’ll be easier to find the right person that will make you happy.

POWER: Pluto will be joined by Saturn December 19th in Capricorn for three years until December 17th 2020.  Both these planets affect home, family and foundation of life, so you can expect major changes, possibly upheavals to happen.  In order for this part of life to undergo positive transformation you must avoid being a martyr for your family to the degree you’re kept in stagnation. Because Saturn is now in this house, it indicates karma with home/family and to some degree obsessive behaviors that are not healthy.  However, these aspects together also empower you to transform and metamorphose from your cocoon to become what and who you always wanted to be and knew you were, which is probably different from how family perceives you.

Any dishonest situations that have been affecting the foundation of your life can now be exposed and rooted out in 2018.  A time to be more disciplined and remove bad habits.  With so much karma affecting this area of life you might have to repeat an experience you thought was over, a time to forgive but not forget.  Undoubtedly, the next three years will be a period d of facing certain karmas that need confronting, so that when Jupiter moves into this house December 3rd 2019 - December 20th 2020, in the sign of Capricorn, you’ll be ready to move onto greener pastures and a better home environment.  

Take note that with Neptune in Pisces, in your house of health, work and service, you should be careful of hidden health issues especially digestive/diet related that could reveal themselves when Neptune retrogrades, June 18th - November 24th.  You really have to “listen” to your body, the “messages” it’s sending you and try to serve its needs, in order for health problems to be avoided later.    Pay attention to diet and stay away from foods you know are not good for you or your body doesn’t want.  Health really manifests when mind, body, spirit and Soul are in sync.  Remember this in 2018.

[seraselwyn-blog]

SERAPHINA SELWYN is A DEATH EATER in the war, even though HER official job is as A WIZARD ART TEACHER AND BUSINESS OWNER. the THIRTY-TWO year old PUREBLOOD is known to be DUTIFUL and ARDENT but also SADISTIC and DOGMATIC. some might label them as THE HUNTRESS. fc: abigail spencer 

THE SELWYNS:

inter lutum duro mundus. i will stay clean in the mud. this sentence shall greet you in every gate into a property of the old and noble selwyn family, and you can find it in stone work by the houses, in the ancient wooden framing of portraits, in the archives, filled with letters to loved ones with the gentle reminder that the selwyns will rise above any perils. it’s a message of comfort that even seraphina sometimes writes in such tempestuous times to her relatives.

the selwyns are the symbol of old money. and i do mean old. their records, with some alterations to the spelling of the family name, go back centuries, but some books claim them to be amongst those taught personally by hogwarts’ founders. the selwyns are very meticulous about history, especially THEIR history, what they can hide in it, what they can boast about, and how to keep careful records of everything. their archives are precious for wizard historians, and can often be found as references in books.

the selwyns are also, or even, above all, symbols of tradition. while they’ve always kept building newer better houses, they’ve protected their oldest estates, and use some of them as museums of wizard history, just like we’d visit old castles and palaces. they turn good profit from all their estates, in which many people work, especially but not limited to house elves, and all sorts of countryside things you can imagine create money. farming, honey, wood, cattle, wine, cheese, horse raising and the raising of other more magical animals. the selwyns have quite the empire in the united kingdom and even some spots abroad.

one specific tradition that has kept the family very relevant has always been the annual hunting celebration. started in the 1680s, it has evolved but rather stagnated in the last century or so - only purebloods are invited; it happens at, since the 19th century, at the selwyn country house in north yorkshire; it’s a must-go october event, pouring rain or not, with large feasts set outside and inside; children run around with pretend wands and sticks, playing hunter; those old enough ( read: about seven or so and allowed by the parents ) leave into the woods with bloodhounds and return with all sorts of death. deer, bore, magical animals, killed, skinned, and cooked in the same event. women tend to be divided, some families keeping them at the houses, gossiping away, others letting their powerful heiresses and matriarchs hold out their wands for tradition. there’s always one selwyn woman left behind to keep order.

the selwyns are just so deeply embedded in wizard traditions and wizard history, even with very very very few of them ever having ministry related jobs. in fact, seraphina can only trace a few more distant cousins working at the ministry in the last 50 years, and there’s only ever been a selwyn minister. that is because their estates, their museums, the art pieces they collect in them and all the products of their country side holdings already provide all the power and money they could need.

CHILDHOOD:

it was this simple: alma and octavio selwyn couldn’t have any biological children. after years of trying, it became obvious that there was some sort of problem. for a few generations, the before rather fruitful selwyns were having smaller and smaller batches of children, and many less important branches of the family were dying out - alma always blamed it on the classical pureblood inbreeding from both families.

this is the part when i make shit up about wizard society and we run with it. adoption is very real in pureblood society, some cases fully hidden, others an open thing, but no one really talks about it. especially not when it comes to such an important and well respected family. it wouldn’t be the first time the selwyns or other wizards would have adopted a baby. it’s just tabu because in most cases, it’s not possible to fully confirm if the child is, in fact, a pureblood. the selwyns were assured by the orphanage for wizard children in toronto that the little girl, less than three years old, was a pureblood. their meticulous research lead to the same vague conclusion. one change of name ( robin, she’s been told, but it’s forbidden now ) and all of a sudden she was the long awaited heir to the fast aging couple. they were head over heels with the little girl and soon, despite the hints of controversy, so was most of pureblood society.

there are questions in her mind that she’s yet to have the courage to ask. especially those concerning the legitimacy of her blood status. she’s the heiress of the selwyn throne, there is no space for doubts and self reflection in that.

despite the occasional transgressions ( she remembers the way her mother slapped a cousin who dared to question her princess’ very pure blood, how never again did the cousins from switzerland visit again ) seraphina grew up rather sheltered and happy. in a family that highly values education and tradition, she was tutored by many, including some of her father’s old tutors, learning many languages, types of art, magical theory and, above all, the legacy of the selwyns and how to manage it in the future. she also learned all the fine skills of a high ranking lady, being sent for short periods of time to wizard finishing schools abroad - that all changed when her hogwarts letter came.

suddenly she wasn’t sharing her environment with other rich, powerful and mostly pure blooded little heirs. but she would stay clean in the mud. sorted into ravenclaw, it was an easy fit ( curious, competitive, a hub of knowledge, in everything for herself no matter how many backs she must stab ) but even her generation was too liberal. too many mudbloods complaining about being beaten by other students. too many blood traitors around her. seraphina was never the overly violent type ( despite having throw some jinxes at some people occasionally, and even slapped a muggleborn girl who’d dared insult her ), but her real accomplishments were the many groups she started while at hogwarts in defense of a return to tradition, to the good old society in which muggle borns were ostracised, werewolves done away with eugenics, all the things that even in her time could be considered somewhat radical. and she got some following. dumbledore kept shutting them down, calling the groups hateful, and she’d calmly reply that they were simply trying to spread out some important philosophies.

seraphina, or sera for the close ones, didn’t need high grades. she had been groomed to run the many family businesses, starting with small sections when she was still at hogwarts and in the future to inherit it all, but she CRAVED learning, especially the sort of learning that could feed her views. she was very interested in history of magic and magical theory, and after some time caring for the family business, she returned to hogwarts. not quite full term ( damn binns taking up the position of teacher of history of magic ) but as the professor for one extracurricular - art. or rather, wizard art.

PRESENT:

she’s been teaching for a handful of years now, taking some off and returning again, never fully committed as her responsibilities to the selwyn name are far more relevant. her knowledge of wizard art history given how many pieces her family owns secured the position for her, and she does genuinely enjoy having something to call her own, not just a family thing. it’s HER classroom. she also investigates the blood status of each of her students and after strings of terrible marks and rudeness to muggleborns, tells them she believes they’d find a better fit at the muggle art classes. her agenda is VERY much pushed in the classroom.

her love for history is a bit twisted because while she does adore archives and all that stuff, she mostly just picks and chooses what goes along with her rhetoric. history revisionist? very much. will probably write a few books on it soon. is writing one right now. and will DEFINITELY write one about the first wizarding war, a very controversial one.

her second biggest passion, after history, is hunting. she was brought on the annual hunts ever since she was just a little kid and she grew a love for the rush of searching for something she wanted and getting it, even with blood on her gloves. i guess this, mixed with her very strong views on tradition ( in which muggles do not belong in society ), really made her an easy catch for voldemort.

the selwyns have been associated with dark wizards before, but rarely ones this important, as they always feared they’d try to overrule them, overthrow the mighty family. their houses, however, were always safe harbours for dark wizards and those running from aurors - it is rumoured that grindelwald hid with the selwyns for quite some time as he organised his army. but seraphina always wanted to do something more, to leave her particular mark in the long family trees, especially given the little voice in her head that told her she did not belong there.

not being a selwyn makes her want to be the most remarkable selwyn that has ever been.

she was twenty five when she joined the cause officially, her views so interesting and strong that voldemort took it upon branding her with the dark mark and keeping her in his close circle almost immediately. her techniques are curiously vicious, and she truly approaches missions like fox hunting, loves letting some targets lose in forests and running after them. brings in dogs and other animals to scare them off. is very methodical and very cruel without a care - after all, they are an infestation. they are stealing places that belong to the truly worthy of magic, the purebloods such as her. they are ruining what’s meant to be a sacred and secret gift and destroying the great society wizards once were. how can she not be cruel to such sub-human kinds?

that’s why she does what she does. she believes, with her whole heart, that she’s restoring the world by ridding it of all those impurities. and she’s so hellbent in her beliefs, so dogmatic.

has killed muggles who have somehow wandered into or near selwyn grounds despite all the spells around it. has thrown them to the dogs.

currently mostly lives in one of the smallest estates, a country house in wales, just because it was always her favourite. her parents, both still alive, live in other estates, always moving around, and the three ( along with a few cousins, especially in the abroad businesses ) work together a lot but it’s very obvious that sera is very much in charge of most things. her parents are old, tired, and more than ready to let their very well prepared jewel do as she pleases.

can often be found reading or writing. especially letters. sends the LONGEST letters with a meticulous elegant handwriting. the selwyn family seal is always in them.

still tries to start shit with hate groups !! still founds them, supports them, is very open about her beliefs and about her support of the death eaters ( even if she never tells anyone she’s one ). sends letters to the ministry to ask for social measures considered by many archaic and purist. writes op-eds.

that’s the thing, you can’t quiet seraphina. her name means fiery and for good reason - she’s calm and collected and beyond well educated, but if she explodes, her rage is a wildfire. and when she feels something, she feels is so damn much. and can’t really cope with most of those feelings so she just hides away where there’s some pretty art or where she can hold an animal’s corpse.

always wears robes. expensive, custom made, gold thread and that sort of shit in it, but always wizard robes. looks very traditional and very regal at all times.

also wears gloves very often. good for not staining her hands, and also because has a bit of a thing with germs.

the mental image of her grinning has me so confused because she is DEEPLY passionate about things and people and life, but she can as easily be grinning while looking at a 16th century painting, at a lover, or at the tortured pleading nearly-dead body of a muggle

character parallells: ramsay bolton ( game of thrones ), serena waterford ( handmaid’s tale ), the argents ( teen wolf ), tba

[lechevaliermalfet]

Rise, and Escape – A Long Look at Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter

Quick note: This deep dive write-up was originally posted elsewhere in May of 2015.  I’m polishing it for reposting here.  In addition, for those interested, a while back I recorded a podcast-type thing for a project called Pause Menu Monologues, which was being done by an acquaintance of mine.  Said monologue was derived from a cut-down version of this effortpost.  For those interested, you can listen to that here. Now, on to the main event.

As I prepare to leave my current job for another with far better opportunities, it feels tremendously appropriate to talk yet again about a game premised almost entirely on the idea of escape.

I’ve written about Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter before, but it was requested that I write about it again.  It was @squeemcsquee making the request, so I listened more than usual.  I’m sure I’ll probably wind up saying a lot of the same things I said on the first go-‘round, but who knows?

Well, here’s something I didn’t say before this writing: When I first introduced her to Dragon Quarter, she got into it.  Really into it.  Given her relative inexperience with Japanese role-playing games, this was surprising to me; it’s so different from the usual run of JRPGs, especially as the genre stood in about 2003 or so when the game first came out.  Contrarian that I am (at times), that’s part of what endeared it to me.  But as she pointed out, the things that made it seem out of the ordinary to me meant very little to her.  She didn’t have much “ordinary” to compare it against.

Unfortunately, watching her play it made me want to play it also.  Part of this is the natural (and deeply unfortunate) backseat-driving instinct I have whenever I’m watching someone do something that I’m familiar with, but feel they could be doing better, and in fact, if they’d just let me have the controller for a few minutes, I could show them exactly how… But part of it was also just that seeing the game played really made me want to be playing it myself.  This presented a problem, what with us having only the one copy.  It led to arguments.  Not, like, real arguments, but not exactly cutesy fun arguments, either.  We did, at the time, have both a working PlayStation 2 and a backward-compatible PlaySation 3, so it was only owning just the one copy of the game that was really a problem.  So the solution was pretty simple.

That’s how good it is. Dragon Quarter: The game so nice, we bought it twice.

Technically, we only bought the game once.  I bought it when it first came out, back in early 2003.  I played it for a while, and while it was pretty to look at, and it had good music, and the setting was interesting, it just didn’t come together for me.  Despite this, I had no desire to trade it in.  I had the feeling I was onto something good, though I couldn’t quite grasp it at the time.

I hadn’t had much experience with the Breath of Fire series then. I owned a copy of Breath of Fire IV, which was really the first game in the series that I even tried to tackle seriously.  Having unwillingly skipped over the 16-bit generation (owning a TurboGrafx-16 and five games hardly counts), my impression of the series at that time could basically be described as “like Final Fantasy, only not quite as inventive”.  It perhaps wasn’t a fair assessment, but I was basing this on the opinions of friends and acquaintances; I was unable to draw my own conclusions.  Still, I liked Breath of Fire IV well enough, even outside of some positive personal associations, so I hung on to Dragon Quarter, feeling relatively certain that one day, I would get the itch to try it again.

As it happened, I did, a couple years down the line.  The story and the characters were calling to me, and this time, everything finally clicked.

It probably helped that, around that time, I was beginning to become aware that JRPGs as a genre were becoming (or more likely, always had been) deeply conservative in terms of design, as well as character and story archetypes.  Realistically, this has probably been the case since the days of the original Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, and Phantasy Star.  But I got into these types of games in late 1998 with Final Fantasy VII; I was new to the genre in those days, so even things that were rote and by-the-numbers were fresh and new to me then. And in fairness, I’ve enjoyed a number of these types of games.  But by this time, I found myself wanting games in the genre to branch out and do something new.  So many of the mechanical mainstays of the genre, the “traditions” of JRPG design, began life as frankly clunky workarounds for technology that wasn’t really up to giving us a less abstract simulation of the expected features of a fantasy adventure: travel, exploration, fighting monsters, finding treasure, getting new and more powerful gear, and saving the world and any number of princesses.  If you wanted to simulate all of these things on older hardware, you had to have a certain amount of abstraction.  So you had your turn-based battles, your random encounters, and so on, and so forth.

By the PS2 era, the technology was rapidly growing beyond the need to adhere to these ancient abstractions for any reason other than nostalgia’s sake.  It had been doing this for some time – Chrono Trigger jettisoned random encounters back in the mid-90s, but despite the universal acclaim that game received, no one seemed terribly interested in implementing any of its innovations elsewhere.  Developers were, by and large, unwilling to grow out of those old ways.  In part this might be down to the reluctance of their audience (or at least a very vocal portion of it) to part ways with those same traditions.  But whatever the reason, the result was the same: stagnation. Or so it felt to me.

I wanted something that was different from the JRPGs I’d played before.  Something that still offered the thought and planning that went into playing an RPG of any kind, something with a good story and interesting characters, but which went off the beaten path and did something different.

And so, in late 2004 or maybe early 2005, two years after I originally bought it, tried it, and hung it up for the foreseeable future, I started playing Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter again.

It’s an odd beast, this game, even when you look at it in the context of its own series.  All the more so, really.  The earliest Breath of Fire games got compared to the 8- and 16-bit Final Fantasy games, at least by most of the people I knew back then.  Really, a more apt comparison would be to Dragon Quest, but I hadn’t played any of those games, and I was part of a group of friends who oddly lacked much experience with that series, so maybe nobody was in a position to make that particular comparison.  With most of my friends, Dragon Quest (then known as Dragon Warrior due to trademark issues; I feel so old sometimes) was always “That game where you grind for hours and hours and then you finally say ‘fuck this!’ and go do something else, maybe play Final Fantasy or go outside or something, I dunno”.

Anyway, the whole series up to this point had been pretty standard high-fantasy fare, with the unique selling point being the main character’s ability to transform into a dragon. Most of the game mechanics beyond this were pretty straightforward.  My experience with the series at large was pretty much limited to some time spent on the fourth game, and some time spent goofing off with ROMs of the first two out of idle and quickly satisfied curiosity.

One other consistent feature of the series is that the main character, the aforementioned dragon-transforming person, is always a young blue-haired swordsman named Ryu, and there is always a blonde, winged young lady named Nina who typically focuses on magic. Additional characters tend to be of all shapes, sizes, and species.

Dragon Quarter, by contrast, occurs in a future dystopia where humankind, having pretty much destroyed the environment through the use of biologically engineered weapons called dragons, has retreated to a single subterranean dwelling called Sheldar.  There, they survive as best they can.

In this society, everyone is given a rank, called a D-ratio.  On the surface of things, this ratio is a measure of one’s current ability and future potential, and places limits on their social standing, the kinds of jobs they can hold, places they can live, and overall determining just exactly how high they can rise in the world, figuratively and literally.

“Low-Ds”, that is, people with low D-ratios, live further down in this habitat.  The air is worse, people’s lifespans are shorter, and there are occasionally monsters called genics that roam around down there.  The people with high D-ratios live closer to the surface where the air is better and things are generally less dangerous. A nice touch is that, especially in cut scenes, the game is literally more hazy and grimy, visually, the further down you are.  As you go up, the environments gradually become clearer and brighter.  It happens bit by bit, so you may not notice it the first time through, but if you finish the game and start over again, the difference stands out.

One of the few story beats to be preserved is our hero: Ryu.  Here, he’s a low-D ranger, whose job mainly seems to involve security and hunting down genics.  His D-ratio is abysmally low: 1/8,192.  His current job is the very highest he can hope to achieve.  He’s partnered with another young man named Bosch, D-ratio 1/64. While Ryu is effectively at the very limit of how far he can rise in the world, Bosch is only at the beginning.  A D-ratio as high as his means he can potentially qualify to become a Regent, one of the four rulers of this underground world. Bosch is basically just paying his dues here.  He’s friendly enough to Ryu, in a condescending sort of way, which Ryu mostly just shrugs off.  What else is he going to do?

While reporting for an assignment with Bosch, Ryu succumbs to a brief fugue, in which he has a vision. He sees the decaying remains of a giant dragon spiked to a wall.  Despite clearly being dead, the dragon seems to talk to Ryu, mind-to-mind, though what it says to him makes virtually no sense at the time.  Not long after, Ryu comes across the real thing, though it is very visibly dead and inanimate.

A terrorist attack splits up Ryu and Bosch, and shortly thereafter, Ryu runs into this game’s version of Nina, as well as a member of the resistance movement Trinity, named Lin. She seeks Nina for her own – or rather Trinity’s – purposes.  The three form an unlikely but highly effective team.  But allying himself with these two has its consequences, and by the time Ryu and Bosch reunite, circumstances have made them into enemies. Bosch is a good fighter, and he has plenty of allies with him, but Ryu refuses to betray his new comrades. Thankfully, his encounter with the dragon was no mere dream or hallucination.  Unbeknownst to him, it has bestowed him with awesome power… and a deadline.

With every passing moment, the monstrous dragon power lurking within Ryu grows more prominent, threatening to overcome him.  While Ryu is in control, he can transform into a bestial form capable of slaughtering even bosses within just a couple of rounds of combat.  But drawing on that power accelerates its progress in overtaking him.

And so, with all hands turned against him, Ryu, Lin, and Nina have ultimately just a single option: Escape.

One of the things that I like about Dragon Quarter – one of many, many things – is the way that the game’s more prominent mechanics and its story are so closely intertwined.

The dragon power bestowed upon Ryu early into the game isn’t just a narrative device or story element, coming out only when dramatically convenient.  It’s also a game mechanic, in the form of what the game calls a D-counter. This is a number, a percentage, that appears in the corner of the screen.   As you play, it slowly ticks up toward 100 in intervals of a hundredth of a percent.  Everything you do in the game causes it to increase.  Everything.  Every 24 or 25 steps will cause it to increase by one interval.  Later in the game, this happens every dozen steps or so.  Ryu’s special D-dash ability, which allows him to avoid enemy combat, causes it to tick up faster.  Transforming, all by itself, raises the counter, and any actions taken while transformed increase it by whole-number percentages.  It is literally overpowered.  What I mentioned about crushing bosses in just a couple of turns was not hyperbole.  I’ve done it.  It’s basically my end-game strategy.

There is no way to drop the counter.  Ever. There are no items, no spells, no techniques which will allow you to reset it or undo any of its progress.  It just sits up there in the corner, slowly increasing and glowing ever more furiously as the number grows.  The tension between the temptation to use it whenever you’re in a bind and the punishing consequences of that use can be exquisite.

When I first heard Dragon Quarter described as a survival-horror RPG, it didn’t make sense to me.  But that’s mainly because I associated the mechanical elements of most of the survival-horror games I’d played with the more thematic elements of horror.  And there are horrific moments and images in Dragon Quarter; the world of the game is not a happy place, and its maintenance is not easily or cleanly done.  But that horror is mainly a consequence of the world-building; it’s not the point of the game.

The key here, I think, is the word “survival”.  You might more accurately call Dragon Quarter a survival-RPG, except it’s basically the only one of its kind that I know of.  It’s kind of hard to wrangle a whole genre out of that.

At their heart, survival-horror games generally “work” based on two principles.

The first is the fragility of the player character relative to other types of games, and relative to the enemies within the game.  You are not the hero of a more action-oriented game, who can take maybe a dozen sword strokes straight to the face and just keep going, or who can withstand a hail of gunfire and duck behind cover for a few seconds while your shields recharge.  Here, the player is reduced to a much more even footing with the enemies.  Every bit of damage taken is a significant setback that needs to be planned around, either to prevent it or to deal with it when it happens.  Every attack must be calculated.  This is because of the second principle, which is resource management.

The in-game resources, both those which you use to preserve yourself and those you use to eliminate your enemies, are finite.  So they must be spent wisely, frugally.  Because of this, you are constantly required to take a measured, careful approach to any situation.  You can never just blithely wander around; to do so invites disaster twice over.  In the short term, you risk serious harm, leaving yourself vulnerable to future threats.  In the long term, if you come out of the situation relatively unscathed, it’s generally at some expense of resources, leaving you ill-prepared for future encounters.  Carelessness becomes indistinguishable from suicide.

This puts pressure on the player to play extremely well at all times by punishing mistakes immediately and brutally.  As a result, some of the typical elements of JRPGs are missing.

There are no healing spells or techniques.  All healing – whether restoring health or curing negative status effects – is accomplished by way of expendable (and frequently pricey) items.  And you have to consider how often (if at all) you’ll be using some of these items, because inventory space is limited, and multiple items of a single type don’t “stack” very much before requiring another inventory slot.  And, naturally, the usual economics of JRPGs are in full effect.  Whatever you get for selling an item is a pitiful fraction of what it costs you to buy.

The game offers you the ability to use bait and traps to lure enemies into a position of compromise and get the drop on them, but even these need to be used sparingly.  There’s hardly enough for every encounter.

Interestingly, the game knows exactly how difficult it is, and gives you something of a way around the problem.

As with most RPGs of any kind, Japanese or otherwise, you earn experience points, new equipment, and new abilities as you go through the game.  In addition, Dragon Quarter also gives you what’s called Party XP.  Basically, this is experience you can dole out to party members as you like to boost their levels.

Should you find yourself in a situation where you can’t progress without either having your party wiped or running the D-counter up to 100% (which, if it hasn’t become obvious by now, is an instant Game Over), you have the option to do what’s called a SOL Restart.  This restarts the game from the beginning, but lets you keep all the equipment and skills you’ve learned, as well as any Party XP you still have.  This gives you get a fresh start while retaining your improved gear, and the Party XP lets you give yourself a boost in the early stretches.

There’s also an option to restore a previous hard save along these same lines.  Dragon Quarter allows “soft” saves anywhere, but these are temporary by design.  Once loaded, these saves disappear.  There are only a few “hard” save points, from which you can restore at will, and to which you will be returned with a SOL Restore.

If this sounds ridiculous for what is typically a long-form type of game, it may help to understand that Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter is only about eight to ten hours long from start to finish on a single play through, once you know what you’re doing.  Even with a couple of full-blown restarts, you’ll be spending no more time on Dragon Quarter than any other game from the same time period.  Less, probably.

Writing this now, I just about want to say that Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter was Dark Souls before Dark Souls really existed. There’s a certain similarity in that both games are more difficult than usual while still being relatively fair, and in the expectation that you will die, probably more than once, and that rather than being a tragedy, it’s simply an instructive part of the experience. Or in the case of Dragon Quarter, you’ll experience (probably more than once) a situation in which death is basically a given should you continue, and the smart thing would be to cut your losses and restart.

Dragon Quarter’s infliction of pressure extends even to the representation of the game’s characters and world.

Most characters have a skinny, almost emaciated appearance.  Part of this is simple stylization, of course, but it still contributes to the overall effect.  These people live a thin and narrow existence, it says, devoid of the expansive pleasures humankind was meant to enjoy.  There is a grimness and a quiet desperation underlying it all.

The world itself is a fucking hole.  Corridors in the lower areas are littered with random junk and debris; it’s best not to think what it might all actually be.  The air is hazy and grimy, and things have a sort of cobbled-together look that just makes the whole place look cramped and dingy and uncomfortable. In these lower areas, everything looks like it’s about one stern look away from falling right apart.  The upper areas are cleaner, more solid, but can seem so sterile and strictly designed as to be hostile.  Dragon Quarter does a wonderful job of creating a world you want to get the hell out of as soon as you can.

It’s ironic, really. Most games, I play to escape from the troubles and stresses in my life.  And most games oblige this desire.  Even the ones that take place in barren wastelands tend to take place in gorgeously rendered barren wastelands that encourage you to examine every carefully tailored nook and cranny.  They’re an invitation to exploration and adventure, and are “barren” or “waste” only as a matter of aesthetics.

But limitation and escape are the central themes in this game, and a world in which such themes are explored must be more than a background or a prop.  

The world is limited in its size; an RPG with little to no detectable exploration, comprised mainly of tunnels and rooms, and a single clear direction and objective at all times.  The player's inventory of supplies is likewise limited, in keeping with the surival horror influence.  The player is frequently required to prioritize, and ditch whatever they aren't likely to use based on their play style.  Care must be taken by the player to work within these limits.

Narratively speaking, the story also explores the idea of limitations.  Ryu himself embodies these limits.  His D-ratio is among the lowest of the low.  His place in society, the ways in which he can define and express himself, how he can live – all of these things have strict limits placed on them. And this dragon entity, Odjn…  As much as it much as it appears to be the key to his salvation, as much as it empowers him to break all barriers and overcome or destroy all opposition, it limits him as well.  It puts a countdown on his life, ticking down the hours he has left until... well, until whatever horrific thing might happen when Odjn gains total control and breaks free.  

And in the end, the characters decide to break free of these limits placed on them by the world by breaking free of the world itself, to smash through the ceiling of it and see once and for all what lies beyond its narrow, choking confines.

Dragon Quarter is a game about escape.

Ultimately, this is a large part of what interests me about the story of Dragon Quarter, what keeps me coming back.  Rather than a big, trampling save-the-world epic, it’s about a group of characters who just want out.  This is a smaller story, a “tiny tale of time”, as the game itself tells us in its opening narration. It’s huge in its implications for its world and its characters.  It’s great in the scope of the ideas it asks its characters to contemplate.  (It flirts with Gnosticism, which immediately grabs my interest).  It that sense, at least, it does involve the end of the world, in one way or another.  But the scale is smaller, and the characters strike me as being more real because of it.

Ryu, Lin, and Nina don’t want to fight anybody.  There’s at least one memorable occasion where Ryu, surrounded by enemies, asks why they can’t just let him and his friends go.  The character animations in Dragon Quarter aren’t spectacular, but they get the job done here.  There’s something about the way that Ryu asks his question that seems to have layers.  On one layer, he seems mentally, psychologically exhausted from the strain of all the fighting, and the toll all the deaths he’s dealt out has taken on him.  On yet a deeper layer, he seems equally exhausted from fighting the thing inside him that threatens to take over and destroy him.

They aren’t trying to harm anybody.  And it seems reasonable just to let them go, on the one hand.  But on the other, there is the major problem that letting Ryu and company out of this subterranean pit will completely upend the social order – will end this idea of the world – purely as a side-effect of his escape.  Because the underlying problem with Ryu’s world is a variant on the same problem that keeps people in dead-end jobs and abusive relationships long beyond the point when, logically, they should be getting out.

Fear.

The world of Dragon Quarter is, as previously stated, an absolute, utter shithole in purely objective terms.  Even the people in charge don’t seem to be enjoying themselves much.  And it’s because everyone seems to be in unspoken agreement that even if the current circumstances are awful, at least they’re familiar awful circumstances.  It’s possible that things are better on the surface, but it’s just as possible that they aren’t.  It’s just as possible that they’re far worse.  This, at least, is the devil we know.

Even one of the main villains, the ruler of this subterranean nightmare, is ruled by fear. A thousand years before the story proper, he was given the opportunity to open this world to the surface.  But he backed down.  In his fear that the world above might still be the barren wasteland people left ages ago, he turned back at the final moment, sentencing himself and everyone in the underground to remain in it indefinitely.

There’s an anime I like quite a bit – it’s probably my favorite, really – called Revolutionary Girl Utena, and in it there is a bit of dialogue that is recited so often it’s practically a ritual.  It goes like this:

“If it cannot break out of its shell, the chick will die without ever being born.  We are the chick.  The world is our egg.  If we don’t crack the world’s shell, we will die without ever truly being born.  Smash the shell, for the world revolution.”

This is actually a paraphrase from the Hermann Hesse novel Demian: The Story of Emil Sinclair’s Youth (usually just known as Demian), in which it’s put this way:

“The bird struggles out of the egg.  The egg is a world.  Who would be born must first destroy a world.  The bird then flies to God.  That god’s name is Abraxas.”

To go up, to go out, to rise, to escape: This is an act of tremendous faith.

[dop-jon]

A Place, But at the End

I think I've always loved Detroit. I remember as a very young boy hearing of Detroit's census numbers in 1980 and how it was the the fourth or fifth-biggest city in the US. Just being so proud of that fact, like I had a hand in it. I'm not sure from whither that love came, but I suspect two sources and they both involve family. My mom's side of the family, the men in the family, worked as stagehands. Back then, stage entertainment was still a decent draw and my step-grandfather or uncles would pick up either myself or my brother, or both, and we'd get to watch the play or musical from the wings, or from the spotlight room, or from the sound room. If that was all it was, it still would've been cool. It was the ride down there, tho, going from our shitty little house in the nearby suburbs, down onto the Lodge Freeway, The Ditch, and as early evening was settling on Detroit, I'd look out from the backseat at the adjacent neighborhoods and marvel at the houses, becoming larger and less familiar as we drew closer to downtown, the lights on the high rises blinking on and off slowly, or remaining on, illuminating the office of some obviously well-connected tycoon. I knew even then that I liked the closeness of a city, that lived-in, pavement and horns feel, that dangerous feeling, like befriending a whore for practical and platonic purposes. And so we'd find a parking spot behind the theater and take the back way in, under the gathered drear of that breaking cityscape and find a place to sit, inconspicuously, in some of the grandest rooms designed by men for the purposes of entertainment while my uncles or step grandfather plied their trade. Needless to say, I was impressed. I never really cared what the entertainment was, although I'd certainly namedrop the event around potentially envious company. It was being down in those aging beauties, or darting over to grab a bite to eat around the corner, keeping your eyes peeled for anything that might happen because of...well...because of the second possible source of my love for Detroit. My dad's cowardice and his youngest brother's advice might be that source, in tandem. My dad, for his part, has always been afraid. I don't see anything wrong with that, as it were. I'm afraid every day as well. My fear keeps my feet moving. My father's fear keeps him in place, and as events come and go that others might find engaging, he rationalizes being disengaged, after the fact, on the ostensible grounds of either his or our personal safety. In a word, Detroit was too dangerous. His brother, 11 years my father's junior, spent all the time he could down there, and never missed a chance to tell me his more appropriately themed doings. They were all tame stories, but that was hardly the point. "Your dad doesn't know what he's talking about," he'd tell me. "He's never been down there. There's just too many people down there for him and it's a shame because he missed out on a lot of fun." My dad's reply to that, after I filtered the sting out Uncle Jimmy's assessment, was a variation of "yeah, but I'm *alive*". Yeah, I see that, dad.

So through my teens I tried to get downtown as much as possible, to get that addictive whiff of a life spent on concrete, of being surrounded by the symmetrical masses that Man raises in his own honor to celebrate his victory over chaos. I always knew my hometown was shabby, a bit. All it would take, in my view, was for people just to get hip to going back down there. To be in a crowd for an event downtown, to have that feeling like there is something happening in the world and you are not only witnessing it, but viewing it somewhere that was made for the sole intent of you seeing it. Imagine for a moment, or recall if experience provides, a downtown sporting event. Cities are male by nature and design, phallic and angular and aggressive, filled with an unthinking kinetic energy. A sporting event, a football game, say, thrives in such an environment. It's just a game played on a big field without it. And after living those moments in the now, when victory was uncertain and collective breaths were held, when the ebbs and flows of so much unfettered emotion plays upon the minds, upon the singular mind that the crowd shares at events such as these, and then victory is secured and 60,000 people feel the relief and release that such moments engender, and at that moment when they leave the fantastic cathedral and pour out into the heart of the city, you can't help but feel that this, this, happened here. A shadow of that feeling was always upon me when I was down there then. Checking out a band, or a famous bar, or taking in what sites I could in the relative safety of downtown.

A brief practical history of Detroit is needed here. Since it's founding in 1701 until WWI, Detroit was fairly unremarkable as cities go. A naturally advantageous location along the river of the same name that joins the upper Great Lakes to the lower, it served as the first (or last, depending on direction) major Midwestern port. Growth was modest but steady. Then Henry Ford hit the scene. There were a handful of like-minded men in Detroit that developed then automobile, but no single man left a larger imprint on the area, and maybe this country, as Ford. He developed and perfected the assembly line and an affordable car besides, and the the world hasn't been the same since. This drove many immigrants and blacks north to find work there, and neighborhoods, city governments, roads, they all felt the guiding hand of Ford. With his employment came certain expectations of behavior, and even the number of bars and neighborhood layouts were done or undone with his blessing. This led to exponential growth thru the first half of the 20th century. Even here tho, the seeds of it's eventual decline and abandonment took root amongst this unprecedented growth. Larger, slightly older American cities grew vigorously during the first two hundred years of this continent's taming, and it was done mostly with immigrants, people in less hopeful war or famine torn urban locales that already had a feel for what to expect in city life, especially in cities that already had it's natural boundaries established and developed. Detroit's expansion grew apace and unchecked predominately from an incoming rural populace that had little notion or interest of what city life was like. They were here to work and provide for their families a significantly better life and future than they were used to. As a result, little thought was given as to how that growth would be maintained. In the early part of the century, I'm sure it seemed a question that answered itself; growth would maintain itself. What was to stop it? By 1950 it was the fourth largest city in America. A war had been one, a Depression had been reversed for over a decade, and there was relative peace and plenty for all. With all this wealth and disposable time, and with a keen eye for further developing commerce, freeways were put in. America's first freeway was built in Detroit, then another, then another. As city planners hadn't foreseen such an event, neighborhoods had to be partially demolished and people relocated to accommodate. Poor people, mostly. Blacks, Poles, Jews. Those that could afford it moved to nicer neighborhoods. The people people already in those neighborhoods, white, middle class types, well, they didn't go for that. So the expansion continued, but not for Detroit. Within two generations the whites fled to the suburbs, desirous of modestly more space and dramatically fewer blacks. Detroit stagnated, industry trickled away, infrastructure decayed, crime rose to unprecedented levels, and we know have the husk, more or less, of how I found the city in 1995.

In the November of that year, I went to work for John P., a master plumber by trade and a proud Detroiter, father of my girlfriend and child of a white flight family. He grew up in the Northwest side, Fenkel and Wyoming, hard by the Lodge freeway that had recently been built. I was without a significant college education and no practical trade. I was 22 and past time to start doing something with my life, begrudging as I might have been. John was a father figure to me, one that I needed. I had a dad, but his advice was basically limited to "keep it in your pants" and "keep your words soft and sweet". He worked hard, but it was mindless work and unprosperous. John worked hard, had a keen if practical mind, and prospered, after a fashion. Holding a job of one sort or another since the age of 5, when he would take a crosstown bus with his shine box and shine shoes at every bar between his bus stop and his house along Fenkell, he developed a work ethic that drove him to do whatever it was that he had to do. In a practical vein, he memorized every cross street along his route and eventually came to know, thru his extensive work around the city as a plumber, almost the entire West Side and much of the East. I found his capacity for that sort of thing compelling. Personally, I found the man to be a shortsighted boor. But whatever his reservations, he put me to work on a project he had going on, the renovation of an old apartment building in Detroit's first neighborhood, Corktown. Eighth Street and Porter, right down the street, on the other side of Michigan Avenue, from old Tiger Stadium. Corktown is the closest neighborhood still occupied and standing to downtown, and on my first day I went up on the roof of this four story building and looked around. West I could see the 30-odd story train depot, a beautiful building on the outside but long since closed and stripped of any value inside. The great white monolith of Tiger Stadium was to my north, northeast of there, roughly midtown, was The Masonic Temple, massive, a testament to the power of the Freemasons. Past that, The Fisher Building and The GM Headquarters sat across from either on Grand Boulevard, and then a large swath of old commercial buildings and random homes, many abandoned or failing, until, turning clockwise, the knot of downtown could be descried to the east, with the incongruous Renaissance Center hugging the Detroit River. It was my first glimpse of the heart of the city from such a vantage point, and as weather allowed I would take my lunches up there and just look around and wonder at what a marvel this city must have been when it mattered. Inside the building, which had been gutted by fire a number of years prior, held the social dynamic of the city within it's brick walls. Initially, it was staffed with day labor from the local shelters and local residents, a way to make $8hr for backbreaking work. Black manual labor and white skilled labor, and most of them union members. Being unskilled white labor, I hung with the black guys. Their stories were fascinating. All function and no theory, their lives were revealed to me with unaware candor. Mack, who bummed smokes from me all day with the implied agreement that he'd keep talking, comes to mind immediately. A wheel man for a bank robbing crew, Mack told countless stories of his misdeeds, without any regret. He was shot in the riots of '67, tv in hand, on Gratiot Avenue. He spoke of picking up snitches or other lowlifes, taking them to some hideout and torturing

them with tubs filled with piranhas, or simply beating them to death or very nearly so. Then he'd talk about seeing Hendrix at the Masonic, and how he sounded like he was just pulling music from the universe, and Mack would strum an air guitar while he talked, rheumy eyes partly closed, remembering how he felt when he got to hear Jimi's astral projections. All the brothers were cool with me, and I absorbed it all. A couple of them didn't think that there were any poor white kids, so it was a treat to share my stories of misery with them. The union tradesmen weren't as kind. Most were snarly and rude, white trash that had figured out a decent way to make good money but begrudged my presence as the sole nonunion trade on the job. One had taken the time to nail a dead rat to a board and write "Non Union Tradesman" on it. Tim, an journeyman plumber that kept me busy cutting pipe and running around drilling holes, took the time to put the numbers 1-12 around the body of the rat like a clock, then spin the rat in order to guess the time according to where it's tail and nose would come to rest. If I had any sense, I would've been scared. So for a year we worked like that, and on a handful of other jobs besides, all in Detroit. Although not as colorful, with the possible exception of working at Cass and Alexandrine, I slowly gleaned what I could from John and those that I came into contact with. I tried to absorb the facts but set aside the opinions given with them. There has never been a shortage of opinions on the city and it's woes, certainly by those with little knowledge of the city itself, so I took all I could with an open mind. Eventually John's little company folded and we went to work for an HVAC company in the suburb my dad grew up in, Redford Twp., which borders Detroit on the far northwest. There my exposure and education increased dramatically. Until this time, I met only other workers, tradesmen. Now I was in people's homes, installing boilers, furnaces, plumbing. I learned this fact quickly; if you really want to see someone's true self, observe how they behave in the comfort of their own homes. At some point, during each installation, I would fish for information from the occupant. Most of them were poor and basic, living squalid little lives. Some of the homes were well maintained, in vibrant neighborhoods. Others lived in older, grandiose castles from a bygone era, losing the battle to keep up with maintaining a 100 year old house. Still others lived in little shitbox Cracker Jack hovels, not built to endure yet still occupied. And everyone of those people had a story to tell, and being relaxed in their dwelling, I feel like I was getting The Truth, or at least their version of it. I recall giving an old black lady an estimate on some repairs to her boiler. She looked about 70. Six Mile and Nevada area, old neighborhood, not far from Woodward which divides the city in two. After I wrote up the estimate, she asked me if I knew why I was there. I said, naively, to write her an estimate. I had barely finished my answer when she came with the correct one. "I'd rather have flies in my house than niggers. You can get a fly out of your house." Then she paused, squinted at me to make sure I was paying attention to her, then said "you DO know what I'm talkin' about, right?" "Yes ma'am, I believe I do." And then she wished me a good day as another white contractor was coming up the walk to write an estimate for her as well. I remember a Mr. Langston, a black guy, that owned a huge home on the Lower East Side. He was 80 at the time. First black guy to move into the neighborhood. Worked at Ford his whole life, out three kids thru college. Had lived in that home since 1940. When we drove up to his house, he was outside, in a driving snow, snow blowing the walk. No evidence existed that any of his neighbors had been out of their houses in days. His marbled carpet, otherwise immaculate, had tracks worn in it from the path he had made from his bedroom, thru the living room, the dining room, and into the kitchen.