#but after i process it it loses its edge and i can laugh merrily again. thank the lord. gosh

[eerna]

ACOTAR smut overcomes me with profound sadness. It puts me in such a dark mood. It makes me feel so so so sorry but I don’t know why or for whom. There are tears behind the laughter

[solei28]

Wicked Good Chapter 4

The dinner was a big hit with the team. Odessa couldn’t remember the last time she was truly happy. She honestly didn’t think she could ever feel true happiness again.

Steve was doing the dishes while Odessa and James cleaned up the living room.

“The cook should never have to clean,” James said walking over to her.

Odessa smiled at him. “And, what if the cook insists upon helping with the cleaning process?”

James laughed. “You’re quite independent, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am. Had to learn at an early age,” Odessa said. She looked down and frowned at the thought of her parents.

James realized he may have stirred up some unpleasant memories. “Odessa, I’m sorry if-”

Odessa shook her head and put her hand up to stop him. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I’m fine. I promise.”

James looked deep into her eyes. He could see the hurt behind them. He knew she wasn’t going to talk about it now. “Ok. Just know if you need to talk, we’re here.”

“We’re?” Odessa asked confused.

“Yes, we’re. As in the team. You know you can come to any of us for anything,” James said. “We’re all here for you.”

Odessa felt her heart flutter for a moment. It hadn’t even been a full week since joining them and moving into the tower, but yet, they made her feel right at home.

She smiled sweetly. “I really do appreciate that, James.”

“Bucky,” he reminded her.

Odessa chuckled. “Bucky.”

Walking over to them, Steve said, “The dishes are done. Buck and I will finish cleaning up in here. Why don’t you go and relax? You’ve done more than enough for today.”

Odessa smirked. “Y’all really don’t want me to clean, huh?”

“You shouldn’t have to. You created a magical garden and made dinner. You deserve to relax,” James said.

“Ok, fine. I’ll head up to my room then,” Odessa said defeated.

Odessa made her way to the elevator beaming at the wonderfully strange turn her life had abruptly taken. It was truly bizarre but she was elated by it. I wonder what possible shenanigans I’ll get into with this bunch.

She walked into her room and sat on the edge of her bed so she could pull her boots off. Taking off her dress and tossing on the back of the chair by her desk, she made her way to the bathroom. A hot bath would help her relax.

She looked through the assortment of bath gels, shampoos, conditioners, salts and oils that were stacked on shelves on the wall by the bathtub. There was a lavender oil that caught her eye and she picked up the bottle, reading the back label. Ok, you win. She turned the water on and when it was the perfect temperature, she covered the drain so the water can fill.

Odessa lost track of how long she was soaking. She had finally finished up when she noticed her hands were pruney. Wrapped in a towel she walked out the bathroom and went to her dresser to grab her pj’s. Hmmm, I’m not really tired. Oh, I know! I’ll start that new book I picked up last week.

She had stopped by a small bookstore on her way to grab lunch and purchased a book called The Forgotten Goddess. The cover had intrigued her. It had a woman trapped in a huge, red crystal. Her hands were bound by shackled and they were folded over her chest. She had the reddest hair Odessa had ever seen that flowed around her as if she was suspended in water. It almost felt as if the book called to her. She had to get it.

Of course, working for Lavern was stressful and left Odessa exhausted and her mind unable to focus on reading. Now, however, she could finally sit back and enjoy it. She plopped down happily on her bed and opened the book.

Knock!! Knock!!

Odessa looked up and sighed. Of course, I can’t start the book just yet. “Come in.”

The door opened and Bruce walked in. He saw the book on her lap and looked at her concerned. “I’m sorry, am I bothering you?”

Odessa shook her head quickly. “No, not at all. This ain’t going anywhere. What’s up?”

“I wanted to know if tomorrow morning you would come down to the lab. I’m hoping you can help me with something.”

Odessa gave him a quizzical look. “You know I’ a witch, not a scientist, right?”

Bruce chuckled. “Yes. After the garden, I am well aware. It actually has to do with a plant I have in my office. Tony said you have a green thumb. Maybe, you can give some pointers on how to take care of it.”

“Oh, of course!” Odessa smiled brightly. “I’ll come down after breakfast.”

“Great,” Bruce said relieved. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“It’s a date,” Odessa said with a wink. She chuckled to herself when she saw him blush.

He looked down to try and hide the blush turning to leave. “Have a good night, Odessa,” he quickly said and rushed out of the room.  

“Good night, Bruce.” I’m gonna have fun with him, she thought mischievously as she went back to her book.

Odessa woke up with the book open face down on her stomach. She sat up, careful not to close the book and lose her place. The sun was just peaking into the bedroom window. I must have dozed off when I put the book down to rest my eyes. She should’ve known sleep was going to take her. Well, since I’m up…

She got up and headed to the bathroom t start her day. She figured she’d make some muffins, or scones to bring down to Bruce. She knew the rest of them would appreciate them, too. She went out to the garden to grab some fruit. On her back, she bumped into Steve and James heading out for their morning run.

“Good morning,” Steve said cheerfully.

“Morning,” James said smiling.

“Good morning.” Odessa was happy to see them. Especially a certain brunette super soldier.

“What are you doing up and about so early?” Steve asked curiously.

Holding up a basket of fruit, Odessa said, “Gonna make some muffins. Or, maybe scones. Perhaps both.”

“Sounds great. We should let you get to it, then,” James said throwing a look at Steve.

“Yeah, we won’t keep you. We’ll see you later, Odessa,” Steve said jogging away with James at his side.

“Ok. Have a good run,” Odessa called after them then made her way to the communal kitchen.

About an hour later, she had several empty bowls of batter in the sink. The counter was a mess with flour and pieces of fruit. The aroma in the kitchen was intoxicating from the muffins and scones that were in the oven. Odessa was delighted to find that the kitchen was stocked with an abundance of pots, pans, half sheets pans, muffin and cupcake tins, and every cooking machine known to man.

As she was taking out the scones and muffins from the oven, F.R.I.D.A.Y. greeted her.

“Good Morning, Ms. Flameheart. Dr. Banner would like to know when you will be coming down.”

“Good Morning,” Odessa sang. “Let him know I’ll be down in an hour. I’ll be bringing some delicious delights.”

“Will do, Ms. Flameheart.”

“Oh, please, call me Odessa.”

“Ok Odessa.”

These should be cool enough by the time I’m ready to go down. I hope they all like it. Odessa was transferring the scones to a cooling rack when she heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

“What smells so amazing,” Clint Barton said walking into the kitchen. He was a mess and Odessa knew he had just got back from a mission. He looked surprised when he saw her.

“Muffins and scones,” Odessa said merrily. “I’m Ode-”

“Odessa Flameheart,” Natasha said walking in behind Clint. “We’ve heard a lot about you. Nice to finally meet you in person. And, what a great first impression.” She was eyeing the muffins.

Odessa felt a blush creep up her neck. It was strange that they all knew about her and made her part of the team. “It’s nice to finally meet you both,” she managed. “Give them some time to cool before digging in.”

“Sure. I’m gonna go clean up and debrief. That should be more than enough time for them to cool,” Clint said. He turned on his heel and made his way to the elevator. “See you later, Odessa,” he said over his shoulder before disappearing from the kitchen.

“Yeah, see you later,” Natasha said following him out.

“Later,” Odessa said grabbing some plums and a chefs knife.

Once the plum jam was done and separated into six mason jars, she gathered some scones and muffins into a basket. Walking out to the elevator, she heard Steve and James coming in behind her.

“Hey, there’s muffins and scones on the counter. Help yourselves,” she called to them from the elevator. “Don’t touch the jam jars yet. They are really hot, ok.”

James smiled. “What kind of jam?”

“Plum,” Odessa said and winked at him before going into the elevator.

“Thank you,” Steve said as the doors closed.

When she got the lab, she found Bruce and Tony huddle over something on a desk. “Good Morning, gentlemen. Can I interest you in some morning goods?”

They turned to look at her, simultaneously saying good morning back.

“Are those homemade muffins and scones I see?” Tony asked, eyes widening.

“That they are,” Odessa answered handing him the basket.

“Ooooh, what kind?” Tony took the basket and was rummaging through its contents.

“These here are classic blueberry muffins and scones. These are strawberry and rhubarb. Ah, these are my favorite, lemon and basil! The ones here are blackberry and last but not least, these are banana walnut,” Odessa told him pointing them out.

“Wow, how long did it take you to make all of these?” Bruce asked taking a blackberry muffin from the basket.

Odessa shrugged. “About, two hours. There’s more in the kitchen and I also made some plum jam that’s cooling off.”

“So, you are now our official cook. I’ll have the fourth floor converted into a kitchen and eating area,” Tony said enthusiastically biting into a lemon basil scone.

“Can I request it to be like a cafe?” Odessa asked excitedly bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Of course!” Tony approved joyfully.

Odessa jumped up happily clasping her hands together in front of her chest. “I’ve always wanted to open my own cafe.”

Bruce smiled. “We’ll finally be able to eat better, more wholesome food. I’m happy for you, Odessa.  Do you have a name for the cafe?”

“I do, actually. The Curious Hymn.” Odessa smiled, but her eyes told a different story. It seemed to bring up bittersweet memories. “My parents always talked about opening a restaurant called that.”

Tony put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sure they will be proud. It’s a great way to honor their memory.”

Odessa smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” She shook her head and grabbed a lemon basil scone from the basket. “So, Bruce, where’s the plant?”

[adolphuslongestaffe]

Defiant

Chapter 6: Nonstandard Vernacular  

When Jesse arrived in the hotel room, the commander was just entering from the balcony door.

“Jesse,” he said, forgoing a greeting, “did you hear or see anything on your way back here? I mean, did you know you were being followed?”

“Well I supposed I was,” Jesse said. “Weren’t you shadowin’ me?”

“I wasn’t the only one. Someone came over the wall of Shimada castle after you left the gate. Masked, dressed in black or dark blue. I stayed on the rooftops and kept eyes on him. He followed you along the roofs on the opposite side of the street till you were in view of the hotel. He stopped on that building across the square and watched you go inside, then he turned around and took off back toward the castle.”

“Masked like a ninja or somethin’?”

“Yeah,” Reyes said.

Jesse shuddered. “I don’t like the idea of bein’ exposed like that, boss. Gives me the willies thinkin’ someone had a clean shot on me the whole time without me knowin’ it.”

“I wouldn’t have let him take it,” his commander said. “But I don’t think you were in danger. If they wanted you kill you, they wouldn’t let you leave the castle and then do it in the street.”

“I guess they’re curious about me on account of me gettin’ friendly with the master’s kids, then.”

“Most likely. I’ll have to be more cautious when I follow you from now on. I don’t want to risk their spies seeing me by mistake. Did you find out anything interesting from the boys?”

“Nothin’ we didn’t know already. But I’m workin’ on it. I got a feelin’ the older one knows a lot more than the younger one. I’m goin’ back tomorrow at noon. I’m gonna learn to play the koto.”

“They’re giving you music lessons now?” Reyes laughed merrily at the idea. “What did you do to make them like you so much, blow both of them in the hot tub?”

“You know me, boss,” Jesse grinned broadly. “Anything for the mission. But no, I reckon it was the train robber stuff. Genji says I’m like a real life Jesse James.”

“Alright, Mr. James, what’s your instinct about being in the castle? You feel safe there?”

“Safe as I ever feel anywhere. Why?”

“Unfortunately, their spies following you puts a damper on your mobility at the moment. I want to do some recon at Imagawa Castle, but I can’t take you with me and risk them finding out what we’re doing. You think you can handle it solo tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be ok,” Jesse said. “It’s just a music lesson. I shouldn’t be there for more than a couple hours.”

“What’s the name of the older brother again?” Reyes asked.

“Hanzo,” Jesse said.

“Hanzo. He’s a good looking boy, isn’t he.”

“He is. Just about the most beautiful boy I ever saw.”

“Jesse,” his commander said. “Seriously, watch yourself, ok?”

The boy’s face flushed and he fidgeted uneasily under his commander’s keen eye. “What do you mean, boss?”

“I mean don’t piss off the Shimada clan by fucking the master’s heir. It’d be war.”

“I don’t think there’s much chance of that, boss. He don’t like me very much. I think he agreed to teach me to play out of plain courtesy.”

“Alright, Jesse. Just be careful.”

“Course I will. Say, you hear anything from Commander Morrison?”

“No, but I didn’t expect to. He won’t risk communicating with us unless it’s something big. Now let’s get some sleep. We’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”

Jesse returned to the castle the next day at fifteen minutes before noon. He found the gate guards fully instructed and expecting his arrival. They opened the gate and bowed as he approached, telling him that the young master would see him in the tea house in the garden. He made his way to the indicated structure, where he found the young master serenely waiting with his instrument already set up. Jesse mumbled an apology for being late.

“You are precisely on time, Mr. McCree,” Hanzo said.

“Please, just Jesse.”

“Jesse,” his host said, adding a kind of breathed quality to the vowels that gave the name an unfamiliar ring in its owner’s ears.

“Well, I’ll be,” Jesse said. “You say my own name better’n I do. How do you get it to float around way up in the air like that?”

This appeared to have annoyed his host, and Jesse was instantly uncomfortable, which made him defensive. He shut his mouth tightly and turned away to set his guitar down.

“Jesse,” Hanzo said.

The cowboy turned around to face him and waited.

After a pause, the young man continued, “You must excuse my delays in responding to you. My English is not strong, and your nonstandard vernacular is…difficult for me.”

“My—my nonstandard vernacular,” Jesse repeated.

“Yes. You speak very quickly and you use idioms and turns of phrase with which I am not familiar. I pause because I am attempting to understand. I do not mean to offend you.”

Jesse was stunned. Had that been it? Had he been assuming this man hated him because of a language problem?

“Oh boy, I’m real sorry,” he said. “I get ahead of myself and I forget some folks ain’t accustomed to my way of talkin’. Don’t feel bad, though. Most people from my own country can’t understand me either.”

This statement elicited a smile from the stoic young archer. Jesse thought it was the prettiest smile to ever light up the world, but he knew better than to say so. His host directed him to sit beside him and began to instruct him in the basic theory of the instrument, which was similar enough to the guitar so that Jesse wasn’t entirely lost. Then the young man played some basic scales so Jesse could observe the placement of the hands. He couldn’t help turning his head now and again to look at that lovely face, and his host was not unaware of the fact. He thought he’d been particularly sly about it, but suddenly the young man looked up at him and caught him in the act.

“Jesse,” he said.

“Hm?”

“Are you paying attention?”

“Uh huh,” Jesse said absently. “I’m payin’ attention.”

His host smiled again, a very slight but genuine smile, and returned to the task. Jesse tried a few notes, then Hanzo adjusted his hand position, then they repeated the process. Jesse made his best effort, but he found his hands would cease to function properly when his instructor touched them, and so he couldn’t get more than half a scale out before he lost the plot. But they persevered until Jesse was able to play a full scale on his own. Then they moved on to a basic melody. After the third or fourth attempt, Jesse was able to play the first part. He was exceedingly pleased. The other young man took his hands and adjusted them again. Jesse began to pluck at the strings, but then his heart skipped a beat and he froze in place. The other set of hands had remained resting on his. He cast a sidelong glance at his instructor, to find that he was gazing up at him.

“Jesse,” the young man said. “Would you like to kiss me?”

Jesse blinked at him stupidly, attempting to ascertain whether he’d actually just heard those words, or was losing his grip on his sanity.

“Would I—you…I uh, yeah. I mean, yes. Yes, please,” he managed at last.

The archer lifted his hands and placed them on the sides of the cowboy’s handsome face. He leaned in and cautiously brushed his lips against Jesse’s. Jesse took him by the sleeve and collar and pulled him closer. He pushed the other boy’s lips apart with his own, caressing his tongue and inhaling his intoxicating scent. His head spun. He was dizzy and breathless. He felt the kiss in his entire being. Hanzo drew away, blushing like a rose, and looked at the ground.

“What’s the matter darlin’,” Jesse said softly.

“I—I am not certain I did that correctly,” Hanzo said falteringly. “I apologize for my…lack of experience.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it was perfect,” Jesse said. “The most perfect kiss in the history of time, maybe.”

The archer didn’t look up, but he laid his head on the cowboy’s broad chest and allowed his long, silky hair to be stroked. Jesse wrapped his strong arms securely around the other boy’s body.

Before he could think to stop himself, he asked, “Have you…have you never kissed a boy before?”

“I have never kissed anyone before,” the archer answered quietly.

He raised his eyes to look into Jesse’s. Jesse stared down at his beautiful captive. It was impossible. How was it that no one had ever kissed those perfect lips. This boy couldn’t be real. All at once, the stoic young master was entirely transformed in Jesse’s eyes. Still the same in essence, but as if viewed through an altered lens. Pristine angles where Jesse had seen hard edges before. Refined diffidence where he had seen haughty aloofness. He saw through the mask to the vulnerable, unworldly young man beneath.

“But…did you like it?” Jesse asked.

The black-eyed angel smiled shyly and turned away again.

“Yes. I liked it very much,” he said. “I would like to kiss you again, if that would be acceptable to you.”

Jesse answered by kissing him again, this time with more urgency. The archer gasped and gave a little groan. His body went slack and pliant in Jesse’s arms. Jesse suddenly felt powerful, masculine, almost omnipotent, exhilarated by the keen sweetness of the other young man’s ready submission to his desire. In direct contradiction and at the same time, he knew he had been utterly conquered. Knocked down. Defeated. No quarter given or requested. He would be this boy’s willing slave, a dog at his feet if he wished it, from this moment on. He was in love.

“Acceptable,” Jesse said, laughing blithely. “Darlin’ I don’t want to do anything else but just kiss you forever and ever.”

His darling frowned thoughtfully. “Jesse, that would be very impractical. How would you eat and drink? You would starve to death.”

“Sure I would, but what’s that to me,” the cowboy said fervently, squeezing his quarry tight, as if to prevent his escape. “Let me starve to death, I say. If I die kissing those lips, I’ll die a happy man and that’s that.”

The absurd idea coupled with Jesse’s theatrical delivery elicited an actual laugh from the young master. A low, soft laugh that was music to Jesse’s ears. It was the first time he’d heard it. He laughed as well, from pure delight in the suddenly and drastically altered state of their interaction. The archer allowed his impetuous cowboy to kiss him again, then gently freed himself.

“I must go to my training now,” he said, standing and straightening his loose-fitting tunic. “May I walk you to the gate?”

“Well, sure,” Jesse said cheerfully, but with a hint of disappointment. “I can find it on my own, though, if you need to get goin’.”

Hanzo stood thinking for a moment.

“Jesse,” he said. “You told me that you had never seen a person use a bow. If that is something that interests you, you would be welcome to observe my exercises.”

“That is something that interests me very much,” Jesse said, raising his eyebrows. “You sure you wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all. Do you shoot?”

“Not with a bow. But if I’m lucky, I can hit the broad side of a barn with a revolver.”

“Would you like to practice together, then? I can have ballistic targets prepared.”

“I’d love to,” the cowboy said, “but I don’t have a weapon on me.”

“You may borrow one from the armory. It is no trouble.”

“Armory?”

“Yes.”

Jesse appeared perplexed.

“I am certain you are aware of the nature of my family’s business.”

“I’m not, though. I mean, I heard a rumor about rival clans or something, but I ain’t a hundred percent clear on what that means.”

Hanzo clarified. “We operate a powerful trade syndicate. Within the law, but close to its edges. In our profession, we are often required to defend ourselves from other such syndicates who seek to encroach upon our livelihood, sometimes with violent force. As such, we are trained thoroughly in combat, armed and unarmed, as a matter of course. We also keep a store of weapons at our disposal, should the need arise.”

“That a fact,” Jesse said, pushing his hat back to express his appreciation of the sentiment. “I guess that’s just plain prudent, then.”

“It is. My life and the lives of my family have been threatened many times.”

“You ever scared?”

“Once,” the archer said. “When I was six years old. I was traveling in a car with my father. We were stopped by a roadblock and armed men assaulted the vehicle. My father killed two of the men, and our guards dispensed with the others. It was over very quickly and I was unharmed. But I was afraid, yes. Now, I am not.”

Jesse eyed his friend closely. He certainly didn’t look like the kind of man to get scared. He looked like the kind of man other men feared and were right to do so. There was a detached, calculating quality to him that Jesse hadn’t observed before. This young man was dangerous. A killer, his mind whispered. He pushed the thought away and returned to the immediate subject.

“Well I pity the dumb son of a bitch who comes lookin’ for trouble with you, darlin’,” he said. “I remember that arrow stickin’ out of the target dead-center.”

The archer smiled and bowed, pleased with the good-humored reference to their inauspicious meeting.

“Hey, Hanzo,” Jesse said. “How old are you, anyway?”

“I am eighteen years old,” he replied.

Jesse was dumbstruck again. This formidable man was actually younger than him.

“I’ll be damned,” he said. “I’m older than you, then. Wait, how old is Genji?”

“He is sixteen.”

“Sixteen!” He whistled through his teeth. “See, I woulda swore he was my age and you was five or six years older, on account of you bein’ so serious and cultured and all.”

“I will take that as a compliment,” the young man said, looking up at his friend.

“It’s meant for one, but it’s just true, too. Genji, on the other hand…he had me kinda worried with all the drinkin’ and I won’t rest no easier knowin’ he’s already took on like that at sixteen.”

“It is a matter of deep concern for me, as well. I do not wish to see my brother destroy himself. But he is troubled in his spirit and I do not know the remedy.”

“Why don’t your pa do somethin’ about it?”

“My father does not share my opinion in this matter. He dismisses my concerns as pettiness and tale-bearing. So I watch over my brother and make certain no harm comes to him when he behaves recklessly. It is all I am able to do.”

Jesse wanted to take the other boy in his arms again, but he was certain such an embrace wouldn’t be welcome at that moment.

“You’re a good brother, Hanzo,” he said. “He’s lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, Jesse. I intend to be so.”

They walked together to the aforementioned armory, a mind-boggling arsenal kept in a massive, concrete-walled basement beneath the castle. Hanzo spoke with the guard while Jesse browsed the selection of weapons. He chose a Colt Single-Action Army revolver, which he was delighted to discover on a rack among the other handguns, and the two made their way to the practice range. Ballistics targets had appeared as if by magic, and the stone wall behind them was covered by a large, movable barrier made of tightly-packed hay bales.

“After you,” Hanzo said courteously, motioning toward the wall of targets.

Jesse stood contemplating the scene, hefting and spinning the revolver in his hand to get a feel for its weight and balance.

“Tell you what,” he said. “How’s about you shoot first. Six shots. Then I’ll try to get as close to your arrows as I can.”

The young archer assented to this and nocked an arrow to his bow. Jesse stepped a polite distance behind him and watched as six arrows swiftly struck the center marks of six targets.

“Yeehaw!” he exclaimed. “That’s some fine shooting, there, archer.”

Hans bowed in acknowledgement of the compliment and stepped back to make room for Jesse.

“What do you say my chances are,” Jesse said, smiling mischievously. “Think I can get close?”

His friend eyed him dubiously and laughed at the proposition.

“Alright, then. Let’s see just how rusty I am.”

With a rapid-fire report, so quick it almost sounded like a string of firecrackers, Jesse emptied the six-chamber barrel. Hanzo stood frozen in undisguised awe. In the center marks of six targets lay the splintered fragments of six exploded arrows. Jesse stepped back and playfully nudged his friend.

“Not as rusty as I thought,” he said.

“How…how did you learn to shoot like that?” the archer said at last.

Jesse grinned wickedly and tipped his hat to his friend with the barrel of the revolver. “I told you fellas I was a famous outlaw.”

“I have never seen such a thing. I—” his words were arrested by a kiss on the mouth from the triumphant sharpshooter.

They stepped apart just in time for Genji, who had been disturbed by the thunder of gunfire, to miss the boldly affectionate gesture entirely.

“Jesse,” he called out, delighted to see his friend. “What are you two doing? I heard gunshots.”

“I’m showin’ your brother here how the west was won,” the cowboy replied, spinning revolver around his finger. “I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“No, no, I was studying for an examination. I did not know you were coming or I would have been out to see you much sooner. When did you arrive?”

“Oh, a couple hours ago. Hanzo has kindly agreed to teach me how to play that weird little floor guitar of his.”

“Koto,” the older brother said.

“Koto,” Jesse repeated, smiling broadly. “I don’t mean to brag or nothin’, but I can make it sound just like a bag of angry cats.”

Genji enjoyed this little joke thoroughly and Hanzo smiled stiffly.

“Perhaps the two of you would like to take some refreshment,” the archer said. “I must continue my exercises.”

“That is my brother’s way of asking us to go away and stop bothering him,” Genji said. “Jesse, have you had lunch?”

“I haven’t, but I can’t keep intruding on you folks’ hospitality at mealtimes. You’ll get to thinkin’ I only come for the food.”

“Nonsense, Mr. McCree,” Hanzo said. “We are more than happy to share our good fortune.”

Genji rolled his eyes and grabbed Jesse’s arm.

“Come on,” he said. “Please let us go before my brother embarrasses me any more.”

As he was being dragged bodily away from the object of his affection by an impatient, green-haired teenager, Jesse turned and looked back wistfully. The archer smiled and dipped his head, communicating everything Jesse wanted to know. Then he went with the younger brother more willingly and in a better humor.

Genji was annoyed by his brother’s comment about their good fortune, taking it as a slight to Jesse’s wayward condition, and said so.

“Well, if he meant any offense, I didn’t take none, so it don’t matter much,” Jesse said. “But I do think he was just tryin’ to be polite. Your brother ain’t half so bad as he comes off. I mean, he did agree to teach me to play that koto for nothin’ but me showin’ him a thing or two on the guitar.”

“That is a strange bargain, cowboy,” Genji said.

“How do you figure?”

“He knows how to play guitar. He plays very well.”

“Peculiar,” Jesse said, scratching his chin. “Well, who knows. Maybe he was just bein’ charitable.”

“That does not sound like Hanzo,” Genji persisted. “What is he up to, I wonder…Aha!”

“Aha?”

“Jesse, my brother is trying to steal you from under my nose!”

“Come again?” the baffled cowboy said. “Steal me? How do you mean? I ain’t a wallet, I’m a person.”

“Simple,” Genji said, putting on the air of a television detective about to reveal how he had uncovered a dastardly plot. “He has no friends of his own, and no one likes him. No one but you, for some reason. So he has decided to make himself agreeable to you and to turn you against me so that he will have you all to himself.”

“I don’t think that’s it, Genj,” Jesse said, laughing outright. “I don’t see why I can’t be friends with both of y’all.”

The boy considered this for a moment.

“I suppose you could,” he said doubtfully. “But I do not know why you would want to. My brother is very boring and he worries about everything. He is like an old hen.”

Jesse’s mind was still aglow with the soft, sweet longing of that kiss in the tea house.

“Maybe,” he said dreamily. “But maybe an old hen is just what fellas like you and me need sometimes.”

“You are very tolerant, Jesse, but you will grow weary of his mothering soon enough,” Genji said decisively.

Jesse doubted he would, but he didn’t say so. He imagined being fussed over and supervised by that stern, beautiful young man. Falling asleep to the strains of his koto and waking up to his kisses. Even being scolded by that perfect creature and made to comb his hair and pick up after himself sounded like his idea of heaven. He changed the subject.

“What kind of examination you studyin’ for?” he asked.

“Differential calculus. It is necessary to complete my secondary education.”

“Secondary education?”

“It is what Americans call high school. I am almost finished.”

“Already? Ain’t you young for that yet?”

“I suppose so. But I would prefer to get it done quickly rather than linger over it. How long did it take you to finish yours?”

“Even faster, bein’ as I never bothered to begin. Ain’t much time for school and things when a body has to work the way I did.”

“You never went to high school?” his friend said in a tone of hushed awe. “How did you learn to read and write?”

“My ma taught me those things before I went to primary school,” Jesse laughed. “I ain’t illiterate, just educated differently. I can’t list the dates of important battles and whatnot, but I can sure as shit tell you how to win one.”

“That seems to be a preferable manner of education,” his friend said. “Eminently more practical.”

“That it is,” Jesse agreed heartily. “Say, Genj, Hanzo was tellin’ me about how your family’s been havin’ some trouble with a rival clan. Y’all ever have any real serious brawls with ‘em, like the Hatfields and McCoys?”

“There have been none since I can remember,” Genji said. “But my father and brother were attacked when I was three or four years old. That was the last serious engagement. It is mostly a proxy conflict now.”

“How so?”

“Their subsidiary organizations making trouble for ours and vice versa. A direct assault on us would be unwise, since it would be costly and attract the attention of the police, most of whom are loyal to us.”

“Y’all got the cops in your pocket?” Jesse said, genuinely impressed.

“Not in our pockets,” Genji laughed. “But many are members of families that are under the protection of our clan. We are loyal to them and they are loyal in return.”

“I bet that works out nice. Ain’t much petty crime in your city, is there?”

“None at all, as far as I know,” Genji said. “It would be foolish to risk the displeasure of the Shimadas by committing a small offense in their home town.”

“It would, indeed,” Jesse said.

The two friends chatted pleasantly about clan warfare and assassinations and sabotage while lunch was served to them in the main hall of the brothers’ shared space. The servants had taken away the dishes and Jesse was tuning his guitar to play something for his friend, when Hanzo entered the room, looking very grave and pale.

“Jesse,” he said, looking back and forth between his brother and the cowboy, “my father, Shimada Sojiro, would like to make your acquaintance. He requests the pleasure of your presence in his drawing room as soon as is convenient for you.”

Genji’s face drained of color as well.  

“That means right now, Jesse,” he said in a stifled whisper. “Brother, should I come, too?”

“You are also wanted, yes. All three of us,” Hanzo replied. He looked positively sick.

If Jesse felt any apprehension at the prospect of a face-to-face meeting with the old warlord, he didn’t show it. He stood languidly, stretching his long arms and straightening his shirt, then he tossed his hat onto a table and gave his hair a rake with his fingers.

“That’s mighty hospitable of your pa, wantin’ to meet me,” he said. “We best not keep him waiting.”

[chocolatequeennk]

Taking Time, 1/5

Summary: Their year with the Master left wounds deeper than they wanted to admit, but now, the Doctor and Rose are ready to take the time necessary to heal.

This is part of the Being to Timelessness ‘verse, falling in between Voyage of the Damned and S4. There’s a lot of emotional hurt/comfort as they work through the trauma caused by the Year That Never Was.

Also, more than any other piece in the series, this one assumes you have read everything that came before it. Chapter 1 especially will leave you confused if you have not read Hope is Where Forever Begins.

If you’re not familiar with the novel, the past adventure the Doctor references towards the end of this chapter is from Winner Takes All, a Nine/Rose novel.

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

Chapter 1: Forever Begins Anew

The Doctor and Rose drifted in the Vortex for a while after Christmas, but it didn’t take long for Rose’s earlier restlessness to come back. She loved the TARDIS and she loved exploring the ship—alone or with the Doctor—but she wanted to feel real sunshine on her face again.

She tried not to let the Doctor sense her dissatisfaction. His trauma had been worse than hers; if he still needed more time safe at home, she didn’t want to make him feel like he had to leave before he was ready.

But it’s almost impossible to hide from someone who can literally feel everything you feel. It’s even harder when they know you as well as the Doctor knew Rose.

He brought it up one night while she was washing her face before bed. “So, what’s bothering you?”

Rose’s hand clenched momentarily around her flannel. “Not bothering, really,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I’d just like to get out of the TARDIS for a bit. Feel the ground beneath my feet, the sun on my face, that kind of thing.”

She heard the familiar double thud when he tossed his Chucks into the corner. “That might be nice,” he agreed, though she heard the reservations in his voice. “As long as we stayed somewhere safe…”

Rose hung the flannel up and went back into their bedroom. “Believe me, I’m nowhere near ready to contemplate the possibility of losing you,” she told him. The strap on her nightgown slipped off her shoulder and she pushed it back up. “I definitely want to stick to safe destinations for the foreseeable future.”

The Doctor smiled at her. “I guess we can’t be travellers if we don’t travel. Tomorrow I’ll take us somewhere for a holiday,” he promised as he hung his jacket up and tossed his shirt into the laundry.

Rose sighed, and the Doctor tilted his head to look at her more closely. Somehow, his offer to take them someplace hadn’t been what she’d wanted to hear, but he didn’t understand why not.

She leaned against the doorjamb and picked at the hem of her pale blue silky nightgown. “Would you mind… Do you think I could choose a place, and get it all arranged? It’s just… you always make all of our plans.”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. He’d never considered that Rose might not like the way he was constantly choosing places for them to go, without much input from her. Has she been unhappy with our life for ages, and just didn’t know how to tell me?

Rose crossed the room and took his hand. “I don’t mind, Doctor, really,” she assured him. “You’ve seen so many places, and I love that you’re always wanting to take me someplace new.”

The knot in the Doctor’s chest eased; showing Rose the universe was one of the ways he told her he loved her. Letting that go would have been hard, but he would have done it if it truly made her uncomfortable.

“I know, Doctor,” she said, in answer to his unspoken thought. “I just want to do the same thing for you. And maybe…” She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “Maybe I want to do all the planning for once, to prove to myself that I’m really your partner, and not just a passenger like he said I was.”

The Doctor bit his tongue to hold back the reassurances that sprung to his lips. Rose didn’t need to hear him tell her that she was more than just a passenger. He’d told her that so many times since they’d gotten home, and she still struggled to believe it. She needed to do something to prove it to herself, like she said.

“All right.” He lay down in bed and waited for her to join him. “Unless we use the randomiser, I always know where we’re going. It’ll be fun to have a mystery trip.”

oOoOoOoOo

After breakfast, Rose made the Doctor wait in the library while she and the TARDIS selected the perfect date for the trip she had in mind and placed their reservation online. Then she made a quick landing to pick up the keys before sending the TARDIS back into the Vortex and asking the Doctor to join her in the console room.

He was already in his overcoat, and he tossed a bag down by the door before sitting on the jump seat and propping his feet up on the console. “Ready to go?”

Rose pulled the monitor around so he couldn’t read the coordinates, then twirled and danced around the console as she started the dematerialisation process. She nudged the Doctor’s feet out of the way with her hip, and he laughed when she winked at him and shot him her version of his manic grin.

“Ready, love?” she asked, her hand resting on the dematerialisation lever.

“Oh, yes,” he agreed, feeling the familiar tingle of excitement course through him.

Rose threw the lever and laughed when the TARDIS immediately knocked her to the ground. “She’s even flying the way she does when you’re in charge of the trip!” she crowed. “Oh, I love you, you gorgeous thing.”

“Oi! Watch it, or I’ll get jealous.”

She peered at the Doctor over the edge of the console. “You’re joking, right? Do you have any idea how often you tell the TARDIS you love her?” The ship hummed happily as she landed lightly, and they both chuckled at the ridiculous conversation.

Rose jumped to her feet and jogged to the doors. “There could be anything on the other side of these doors,” she said dramatically. “Alien civilisations… ancient ruins… a really big rock…”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and reached around her to open the door. He froze as soon as he registered where they were.

“Or…” Rose murmured. “It could be Esperas. Because hope is where forever begins.”

That same hope worked its way through his hearts, pulling away some of the anxiety he’d still harboured about stepping out of the TARDIS. He hadn’t been sold on the idea, but here on Esperas, he finally let go of those fears.

Rose picked up the bigger-on-the-inside bag he’d packed, and they stepped out of the TARDIS together. Another piece of the Doctor’s tension eased when he saw the trees were covered with dainty pink and white blossoms. Spring. Rose was giving them a new beginning.

Birds sang merrily as they flew around the treetops, and the Doctor reached up and plucked a handful of blossoms from a low-hanging branch. He smiled down at Rose as he placed one in his buttonhole, letting her feel how much he was looking forward to this visit. He never would have considered coming back to Esperas, even though this was one of his happiest memories.

Rose turned her head and kissed his wrist as he carefully tucked a flower behind her ear. “There. Now we match,” he told her quietly.

She snagged his hand and tugged him down the tree-lined path. “Come on. You haven’t seen the best part yet,” she told him.

The Doctor didn’t know how the trip could be more perfect, but then they turned a corner and he spotted the cottage they’d stayed in on their honeymoon. The mums in the flower boxes had been replaced by geraniums, and there was a bed of purple and pink tulips in between the garden path and the front of the house, but it was definitely the same place.

What little anxiety Rose had felt over her choice of destination melted away when the Doctor bent down and kissed her. He pulled back before she could get lost in his touch and bounced on his toes.

“Well, Rose Tyler? You’re in charge; are you going to show me our luxury accommodations?”

Rose laughed and led him down the path, just as excited by the cottage as she had been the first time they’d visited Esperas. After unlocking the door, she flung her arm out, gesturing to the inside of the cottage. “Only our finest for you, Sir Doctor. Does it meet your expectations?”

The Doctor stepped inside, and Rose giggled when he stuck his nose in the air and pretended to inspect the interior of the cottage, running his fingers over the mantel, poking his head in the empty refrigerator, and turning the water on in the bathroom. Finally, he threw himself onto the bed and crossed his arms behind his head.

“Yes, I think this will do quite nicely.”

Rose basked in his happiness and understood better than ever why the Doctor loved those first few moments on a new planet. His excitement made all the effort she’d gone to to set up this trip worthwhile.

“Well, come on then.” She dropped their bag by the door, then took his hand and pulled him to his feet. “We need to get to town before the shops close so we can get food for the week.”

Back on the road that led to the nearby village, they took turns pointing out familiar landmarks and the subtle differences the change of seasons had wrought. When they reached what had been the festival grounds, Rose was surprised to find it was planted with alfalfa.

“Well, Ricard the grumpy hayride driver had to get his hay from somewhere,” the Doctor pointed out. The twinkle in his eyes contradicted his serious tone, and Rose laughed and elbowed him in the side.

To her surprise, the shopkeeper recognised them. With the life they led, that happened so rarely that she almost wasn’t sure how to respond, and ended up just waving awkwardly.

“I didn’t expect that,” she muttered to the Doctor as they filled a basket with bread, meat, and produce.

The Doctor added a bottle of wine and a carton of milk. “How long has it been since we were here?”

“Just last autumn. I wanted it to still feel like the Esperas we remembered.”

A moment later, she felt his gentle touch over the bond. She knew he’d opted for the telepathic caress mostly because his hands were full, but after months of being cut off from each other, they both craved the private contact even more than they had before. Rose met his gaze and let his touch wash over her before she reached out and returned it.

“Still as lost in each other as always, I see.”

Rose started at the shopkeeper’s voice and was just a touch resentful when the Doctor’s hazy eyes cleared. She took a deep breath and swallowed the snappish comment on the tip of her tongue, then put a smile on her face.

“I’m hoping that part never changes,” she said honestly as she set their purchases down on the counter.

The woman chuckled merrily. “I’ve been married twenty years and my Thom still makes my heart skip.” She shook out a bag and started loading up their groceries while she rang them up. “The honeymoon glow fades, eventually, but the warmth it leaves behind is even better.”

When she’d added up all their purchases and read off the total, Rose took the bag while the Doctor handed her enough coins to cover it.

“Take care now,” the woman said. “And come back if you need anything else.”

Rose smiled, then reached automatically for the Doctor’s hand as they left the shop. “And again, Esperas lives up to its name,” she told him quietly as they strolled down the street.

“That’s not the kind of hope the original settlers had in mind, but it was lovely, wasn’t it?” the Doctor agreed.

Before Rose could answer, a familiar scent tickled her nose, and her stomach growled in anticipation. “Ooh, kebabs!” She dragged the Doctor down the street to a vendor selling the spicy food from a cart. “Can we, Doctor? Then we wouldn’t have to cook tonight.”  

Fifteen minutes later, they were on their way back to their cottage, each enjoying a wrapped kebab. Rose sighed as she caught sight of the pinkish sunset. This had been a nearly perfect day, and it would only get better.

oOoOoOoOo

Rose’s whimpering woke the Doctor up, and he shook her shoulder in a motion that had become entirely too practiced. When she didn’t wake up right away, he nudged her over the bond, and that seemed to pull her out of the nightmare. He sat up and reached for the glass of water they’d put by the bed while she gasped and wiped tears from her eyes.

“I didn’t think I’d have nightmares here,” she said, her voice a little husky from the tears. She took another sip of the water and sighed.  

The hopeless sound made tears spring to the Doctor’s own eyes, and he wiped them away as surreptitiously as possible. “Why not?”

Rose shrugged and handed him the glass. “It was more of a hope than anything. But everything here is so peaceful, I just thought…”

The Doctor nodded. He understood what she meant, even if the logic wasn’t completely sound. He looked at her for a long moment, considering his next words.

In her dream, the Master had taunted her with what he claimed was evidence the Doctor hadn’t really wanted to marry her. The evidence he gave was ridiculous, as happens so often in dreams. However, Rose had had variations of this particular dream several times since they’d been reunited, and the Doctor suspected it had some basis in reality.

“Want to talk about it?”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest, and he knew she understood that he meant the actual events, not the dream. “It was… he would…” She shuddered, and he reached for her, encouraging her to lean against his chest. “I don’t want to tell you,” she whispered. “It would hurt you.”

The Doctor reached out and wiped at her damp cheeks. “Knowing you’re upset hurts me more than anything he could say,” he promised her.

For a long moment, he didn’t know if he’d convinced her, but then she started talking again. “He said… that the only reason you fell in love with me was because I met you after the War, after there were no other real Time Lords left.”

The Doctor clenched his jaw. “You mean, like you were some sort of consolation prize I allowed myself after killing my entire planet?” he said, his voice harsher than he meant for it to be.

Rose drew another shuddering breath and nodded. “Yeah. He said that… that if Gallifrey were still around, you would have chosen a real Time Lord.”

The Doctor couldn’t withhold the curse that spilled from his lips. “Clearly, Koschei was losing his memory,” he spat out. “I hadn’t wanted anything to do with so-called real Time Lords in centuries. I regret killing them all, and I hate the way it feels to be the last one, but that doesn’t mean I would have wanted to be saddled with one as a bond mate.”

He brushed his knuckles over Rose’s cheek and smiled when she leaned into his touch. And I never met anyone, human, Time Lord, or otherwise, that I wanted to share a marriage bond with—until I met you.

She smiled weakly, and he pressed a kiss to her trembling lips. I love you, Rose.

The words eased her mind for now, but he knew they were far from done. He didn’t say anything about how this was the fourth time this week he’d had to calm her from a nightmare. She knew as well as he did that their night terrors were unrelenting.

He laid them back down and Rose cuddled closer to his side. “Tell me what you were like when you left Gallifrey,” she requested. “What regeneration were you on?”

The Doctor chuckled. “My very first. By Gallifreyan standards, I was still in my youth, though my body had aged to look about sixty to a human.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Rose remembered. “Ian and Barbara said you travelled with your granddaughter.” She looked up at him. “Were you really as grumpy as they claim?”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. “Worse, I’m afraid. Like so many young people trying to seem important to those around them, I bragged about myself and my accomplishments and belittled those around me.”

Rose hummed, and he could feel her falling back asleep. “I’d like to meet that you,” she said drowsily. “I bet you were all prickly on the outside, but soft on the inside.”

She fell asleep before he could counter that assumption, leaving the Doctor to lie awake imagining how each version of himself would react if they met Rose.

oOoOoOoOo

After breakfast the next morning, the Doctor and Rose found a trail that ran alongside the creek that was behind the cottage. “Where do you think it goes?” Rose asked.

“Only one way to find out.” He took her hand and wiggled his eyebrows goofily. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler!”

Following an unfamiliar trail on a safe planet wouldn’t usually feel like an adventure to them, but today, it felt like the first step toward getting their lives back. Their hands swung freely between them as they walked, and when the trail was blocked by a large tree, they laughed and helped each other over it.

“Do you know, Doctor?” Rose said as they walked over a stone bridge that crossed the creek. “Travelling with you—I love it.”

He stopped and let go of her hand to tug on his ear. “Do you really?” he asked, his voice going a little squeaky. “Even though… I mean… welllll… we don’t always end up in the best places, do we?”

Rose blinked up at him. This was an issue she hadn’t anticipated. “I really do,” she promised. “Because even if things go badly, we’re there together.” He raised his eyebrow doubtfully, and she shook her head. “Remember? Stuck with you—that’s not so bad.”

She could tell he wasn’t wholly convinced, but considering the way he purposely started looking around them, she knew he was ready to move on. “Oh, look! A mellora bush.” He let go of her hand and jogged over to a large bush laden with fruit that looked like blueberries, only a little smaller and a little redder.

Rose joined him and accepted a handful of the violet fruit. The Doctor tossed one into his mouth and chewed it quickly, and his blissful smile convinced Rose to try one too. When she bit into it, sweet juice flowed over her tongue, and without meaning to, she moaned in delight. The closest Earth fruit she could think of was a cherry, maybe with a little raspberry and blueberry flavours mixed in.

“It seems a bit early in the season for something to be ready to pick,” she observed after eating a few more.

The Doctor had found a paper bag in his pocket and filled it with the fruit, and now they were walking again, snacking as they went. “Well, mellora is a winter plant,” he explained. “The berries appear on the bushes in mid-autumn, and then the plant goes dormant for the winter. That allows the sugars to crystallise, which makes the fruit even sweeter when it’s ripe in early spring.”

He licked his fingers clean and tucked the bag away in his coat pocket before he reached for her hand. When he felt the sticky juice coating her fingers, he automatically brought them to his mouth too, only realising how intimate a gesture that was when he heard Rose’s breath catch in her throat. The desire in her eyes pulled him in, and he held her gaze as he sucked the last of the juice from her purple-stained fingertips.

“Doctor,” she breathed.

Her dark eyes and parted lips invited him to taste the fruit straight from her mouth, but something—his impish humour, perhaps, or maybe a distant awareness that they were on a public path, even though they were alone—encouraged him to pull away instead. He dropped her hand and rocked back on his heels. “I love mellora juice,” he said cheerfully. “Best thing in the galaxy.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “Is it?”

He felt his hearts pound at the seductive purr in her simple question. How did he always forget she gave as good as she got when he started teasing her?

You don’t forget, his subconscious told him. That’s why you tease her in the first place.

Rose smirked, and he knew she’d picked up on that thought. “Then I think you’d like it fresh even better.”

The Doctor watched, open-mouthed, as she held up the last fruit that she still had in her other hand and tossed it into her mouth. Then she grabbed his tie and surged up on her toes to press her lips to his. His hands landed on her hips automatically, bringing her body closer to his as he accepted her kiss, eager for more than just another taste of the juice.

He groaned deep in his throat when she slid her tongue into his mouth. Mellora juice was fantastic, but it was even better combined with Rose.

Rose… you always taste so good.

She grabbed onto his collar and deepened the kiss. Me or the juice?

The Doctor growled and nipped at her lip in response to that cheek. Then he ran his hand through her hair and adjusted the angle of the kiss, stroking his tongue against hers as he swept into her mouth.

It was Rose’s turn to moan then as they enjoyed the last fruit together. Doctor… She swayed against him, and he tightened the arm around her waist to hold her upright.

The sound of children laughing pulled them out of their intimate moment, and Rose broke the kiss and rested her head on the Doctor’s chest just in time to see a group of schoolchildren race each other down the path. By the time the kids had passed them by, their heart rates had slowed back down to normal.

The Doctor chuckled and planted a kiss on Rose’s forehead. “Let’s get into town. We can come back to our mutual enjoyment of the local fruit later.”

oOoOoOoOo

The path eventually took them to a larger town they’d heard locals refer to on their previous visit. Rose loved the little village that hosted the Rikolto festival in autumn, but it was fascinating to see a bit more of the local culture.

They’d been wandering the busy market town for almost an hour when the Doctor’s eyes lit up. Rose tried to look over her shoulder to see what had excited him so much, but he quickly grabbed her and pulled her around the corner.

“No, no,” he said quickly. “It’s a surprise, all right, Rose? Just stay here and I’ll be back before you know it.”

Rose tilted her head and bit her lip. On one hand, she still wasn’t keen on the idea of letting him out of her sight on an alien world. On the other, his excitement was hard to deny, and it wasn’t like Esperas was teeming with danger. Finally, she nodded, and he beamed in response.

“I’ll be right back—I promise.” The Doctor leaned down and kissed her quickly, and she hummed in contentment as she watched him wander into the crowd.

A few minutes later, she felt an echo in their bond, just like she had… She straightened and looked around. Just like she had when the younger Doctor had appeared on the TARDIS.

On a busy street, it should have been impossible to pick out the one man who would become her bond mate, but it only took Rose a moment to settle on a white-haired gentleman. He stood off to the side a ways, his hands on the lapels of his black coat as he eyed the crowd with a sharp gaze.

Rose worked her way down the street until she was only five feet away from him. Now that she was almost face-to-face with him, she was positive this was the Doctor. There was something about his eyes…

“It is exceptionally rude of you to stare at a stranger like that, young lady,” he said suddenly.

“And you’d be the expert on rudeness, I suppose?” Rose shot back.

He turned and looked at her, but Rose gave him a cheeky smile in response to his frown. His hazel eyes narrowed and he studied her carefully.

“Who are you?” he asked finally. “You seem familiar, but I am certain I would remember your impertinence if we had met before.”

Rose laughed. “Oh, Doctor. I would ask which regeneration you’re on, but I can already tell—this is your first body, isn’t it? You haven’t regenerated yet at all.”

His eyes had widened in shock when she mentioned regeneration, and now he grabbed his lapels again and rocked back on his heels.

“You’re from my future,” he deduced. “But who are you? My telepathy is weak, but the way you feel… you belong in my mind, the way another Time Lord would. And yet I cannot imagine any of my compatriots daring to leave Gallifrey behind.”

Rose’s Doctor had been eavesdropping on the conversation from the moment the past Doctor had spoken to Rose. What should I say? Rose asked him now.

You can tell him, he assured her. You’ll probably need to tell him something so he understands that he needs to forget, actually.

Rose raised an eyebrow; she hadn’t considered that. He was right, though—without understanding who she was, it would be difficult to convince the Doctor to hide the memory of meeting her.

She took a breath and looked at the younger, older-looking Doctor. “Can’t you think of another reason why I might feel like I belong in your mind?”

He pursed his lips, and a moment later, Rose felt him prodding at their bond. She could tell the exact moment he identified the nature of their connection, because he pulled back so abruptly it gave her a slight headache.

Rose rubbed at her temple, then waved at him. “Hello, Doctor. It’s lovely to meet you… for the first time.”

She could feel his impulse to argue, and she remembered what her Doctor had said about his first incarnation being grumpy and determined to convince everyone else of his importance.

“You can just forget about all the reasons why you won’t form a marriage bond, Doctor,” she said quickly. The wounds left by the Master were still too tender for her to listen to that logic yet again. “Suffice to say, a few things change in the next millennium, and by the time we meet, your opinions have shifted.”

The Doctor swayed slightly. “Millennium?” he repeated faintly. “Are you that far in my future, then?”

Rose tilted her head, trying to figure out what emotion he was attempting to hide from her. When his gaze skittered away from her, she finally recognised it—disappointment.

“Oh, Doctor.” She reached out and pulled one of his hands away from his lapel, holding it between both of her own. “You have so much ahead of you. Why—” She cut herself off and narrowed her eyes at him. “Promise me you’re going to bury this memory, or I won’t tell you anything else.”

“Impertinent!” he scoffed. “I am a Time Lord, my dear. I live with a constant awareness of future events.”

“Yeah, not this time,” Rose disagreed. “Not of your own life.” She stared him down. “If you don’t promise to make yourself forget, I’ll have to do it myself. I don’t want to, but you can’t know me when we actually meet.”

The Doctor tried to glare her into submission, but his attempt had nothing on the ice blue stare of Rose’s first Doctor.  Not to mention, in the five years she’d travelled with him, she’d encountered several things far more threatening than the teenaged version of her bond mate’s attempt at intimidation.

Rose merely crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow in reply. “It’s your choice, Doctor,” she said calmly. “Do you promise to make yourself forget?”

He huffed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other before finally scowling and nodding his head. “You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met.”

Rose smiled at him, letting her tongue peek through her teeth. “According to my Doctor, my stubbornness is one of the things you love the most about me.”

She felt the shock roll off him, and waited patiently for him to finish sputtering his protests. When he was done explaining that marriage bonds had nothing to do with love, she patted him on the arm. “But wouldn’t it be lovely if they did?”

A distant look entered his hazel eyes, and she knew he was trying to imagine the possibility. After a moment, a faint hint of a smile crossed his face, and he looked at her again. “Indeed it would, my dear. And I think I will enjoy meeting you when the time comes, so I can be proven wrong in so many things.”

Rose laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, Doctor. You still don’t like to be proven wrong. After all, regeneration doesn’t really change who you are on the inside.”

The Doctor shook his head insistently, then took her hand and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. “I assure you, my dear Rose, in this particular instance I will be delighted to be wrong.”

Rose blushed as he dropped her hand and started to walk away. Despite his attempts to act like a grouchy old man, there was an innocence in this Doctor that would be gone by the time she met him. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why, but that didn’t make it any easier to see the Doctor before the war. There was so much he didn’t know…

And so much he hasn’t forgotten.

“Doctor!” Rose called out. She had a question only he could answer.

oOoOoOoOo

That night for supper, the Doctor finally followed through on a promise made on their first trip to Esperas, and taught Rose how to make pasta. “What did you think of the old me?” the Doctor asked as he supervised her pasta preparation.

Rose leaned back and blew a piece of hair out of her face, and he took over cutting the dough and shaping it. “Not nearly as grumpy as you and Barbara made yourself out to be.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Rose, I called you rude just for looking at me.”

She shrugged. “You were confused because you could tell there was something funny going on, telepathically,” she countered. “You couldn’t tell what it was, but there was something different going on in your mind, and that’s enough to make anyone tetchy.”

He shook his head. “I’m amazed, as always, love—sometimes, I think you understand me better than I do myself.”

“It’s a benefit of being a semi-objective presence in your mind.” She nudged him with her elbow and got a smile out of him. “What can I do, since you’re working on that now?”

The Doctor nodded at the cutting board where he’d started dicing and chopping the vegetables. “Get the rest of the veg cut up,” he requested. “We’re going to make pasta primavera tonight.”

Rose started with the onion, blinking back the tears that welled up immediately. As she worked, she sought a different topic. She’d asked the younger Doctor to conceal the memory of the last part of their conversation for a bit longer, and that would be wasted if her Doctor picked up on the final question she’d asked.

“So, when are you going to tell me what you bought?” she asked as she sliced the onion.

“That is a surprise for later.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, the rumbly note in his voice tipping her off to his meaning. “Dinner before dessert?” He laughed, and for a moment, she was lost in the happiness that sparkled in his eyes.

“Something like that,” he agreed. “So maybe we should hustle with our dinner preparation so we can move on to dessert.”

They tantalised each other with barely-there touches and quick kisses while they finished cooking, just enough to keep their awareness of each other high. By the time they sat down, Rose was torn between enjoying the meal and her eagerness for dessert. Meeting the Doctor’s bedroom eyes over the candle in the middle of the table didn’t help curb her impatience one whit.

His eyes laughed at her over the rim of his wine glass. “Eat your dinner, love. Your surprise won’t spoil if we wait a few more minutes.”

Rose huffed. “Just a bit ago, you were the one encouraging me to hurry up with all the slice and dice stuff so we could get to dessert, and now you’re all, ‘Patience is a virtue, love.’ Make up your mind, Doctor.”

In response, he wrapped his tongue sensuously around one of the grape tomatoes. Rose arched an eyebrow as she considered her next move.

After a moment, she dipped her index finger—still stained from mellora juice—into her wine, then brought her finger to her lips and sucked the drop of liquid off her fingertip. She met his gaze boldly as she swirled her tongue around her finger, not even pretending innocence.

The Doctor swallowed hard, but still remained resolutely in his chair, stabbing at the pasta on his plate. Rose pressed her lips together, then used her final tool of persuasion.

Desire hummed over their bond, and Rose reached for it, running a telepathic caress over the cord that bound them together. The pleasure moved in both ways, and she swallowed back the moan that threatened to give her away as her need for him tightened low in her belly.

“Right!” The Doctor’s voice was squeaky and his ears were red when he jumped from his chair. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll have everything ready.”

Rose leaned back in her chair and watched with a satisfied smirk as he darted out of the room. He disappeared so quickly that she didn’t really have a chance to enjoy the way his bum looked in the tight blue trousers, but she had plenty of memories to draw on—memories she made sure to share with him in vivid detail as she cleared the table.

She felt his low growl of frustration over the bond, but before she could feel too smug, he let her see the way his mind wandered every time her smile teased him with her tongue. Seeing just one of his fantasies about her tongue sent a jolt of longing through her that nearly made her knees buckle. Rose grabbed onto the edge of the counter and breathed heavily. Are you ready yet?

Almost. His smugness would have been unbearable if she hadn’t been so turned on. Getting a little impatient, are we?

Rose groaned and dropped the pasta pot into the sink with more force than was necessary. Just hurry up, she ordered.

She’d just put the last of the leftovers away and set the dishes in the sink to soak when the Doctor beckoned for her to join him in the bathroom. A glimmer of an idea occurred to Rose, and the wisps of steam seeping out around the bathroom door confirmed her suspicion. She only hesitated for a second before quickly stripping down to her bra and knickers—once she was in the same room as the Doctor, she didn’t think either of them would want to waste time undressing each other.

The scene when she opened the bathroom door was both exactly what she’d expected, and more than what she’d expected. The Doctor was in just his pants, obviously aroused and somehow managing to look sexy as hell as he leaned against the wall by the tub.

“Join me in the bath, love?” he asked, his voice husky.

That was all what Rose had expected. But instead of smelling like banana, the entire room was filled with the fragrance of mellora. She moaned when she breathed it in, remembering how strongly the Doctor had reacted to his wedding present. If the mellora products were anywhere near as good as the banana ones…

“I thought you’d never ask.” Rose took off her underwear, feeling heat surge through her when the Doctor’s desire spiked.

As she climbed into the bath with her Doctor, Rose considered that as delicious as the berries were, it was almost too bad she’d never be able to taste them without the memories of today arousing her immediately.

oOoOoOoOo

On their last night in Esperas, the Doctor finally felt ready to broach the topic he knew they needed to talk about. After dinner, he handed Rose a glass of wine and sat down with her on the loveseat.

“Brilliant furniture design, the loveseat,” he rambled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and felt her body curve against his. “It practically demands cuddling!”

“Not like we need any help with that,” Rose pointed out dryly. “Plus, I get the feeling you’re trying to distract me from something, Doctor.”

He sighed and tilted his wine glass, watching the deep red liquid swirl in the glass. “Myself more than you, really.” He looked over at Rose. “How are you feeling tonight? Okay to talk about him?”

He couldn’t miss the way her whole body went tense. But she nodded, and there wasn’t a hint of hesitation in the resolute set to her jaw. “Yeah. I mean… Would I rather not? Obviously. But I think we need to talk about it so we can get past it, yeah?”

The Doctor took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. I love you, and I am so proud of you, he told her.

Rose turned her hand and cupped his jaw for a moment, stroking her thumb along his cheekbone. The feeling is mutual, my Doctor.

The Doctor nodded and took a sip of his wine, then he cleared his throat and began. “I thought… maybe we could start by sharing what the worst part of the year was? Outside of the broken bond,” he added quickly. “Because obviously that was the worst.”

Rose nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, that was…” She sucked in a quick breath. “But outside of that?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at her wine glass, simultaneously trying to remember and hoping she could forget. “I don’t think it was any one event, or constantly recurring event,” she said finally. “I think it was this… general theme, the overall sense that he’d taken control of my life and I was just a puppet. I had to live where he said, dress in the clothes he provided, eat the food he offered… I had no autonomy.”

The panic and guilt the Doctor suddenly projected caught her by surprise, and she looked over at him just in time to take his glass from him before he tipped the wine out onto the carpet.

She set the glass down on the table and reached for his hand, but he pulled away from her. “Doctor? What’s wrong?”

He jumped to his feet and shoved his hands through his hair. “I never thought… Well, no. I never apologised. I’m so sorry, Rose. I shouldn’t have. I mean, there wasn’t any other way to win, but you didn’t say yes.”

Rose stared at him, completely baffled until she caught an image of a human-sized porcupine floating through the Doctor’s mind. “Oh, Doctor.” She stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling relieved when he automatically returned the embrace. “You didn’t have any choice but to use me as your video game player. If you hadn’t, it would have been death to a whole lot more than just the Mantodeans.”

“I know. I know that, I really do.”

Rose kissed his chest. “That was so long ago. What brought it to mind today?”

She stepped back to look at him, and was unsurprised to see the blush staining his cheeks. “I think… I think it was the way you said the Master made you feel out of control. I always hated the way I had to control you in that game, and it just triggered that old memory. I was certain you were going to hate me for it. Not now, obviously,” he added quickly when she started to protest. “But back then. I had this… frankly melodramatic idea that it would taint our relationship forever.”

Rose snorted. “Nice to see your determination to take the blame for everything that happens in your vicinity didn’t start with your regeneration.”

The Doctor chuckled weakly, and they sat back down on the loveseat. Rose waited until he seemed to have relaxed at least a little before turning the question on him. “What was the worst part for you?” she asked. He tensed again, and she dropped her hand to his knee and started tracing the circular characters spelling out forever.

He let his head drop back to rest on the back of the loveseat and stared up at the ceiling. He knew exactly what the worst part of the year had been, but he didn’t know how Rose would respond when he told her.

“You can tell me, Doctor.”

Warmth stole over him at how well she knew him. He took the hand that was still writing invisible promises on his knee and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingertips before he let her go.

“The hardest thing about seeing the Master hasn’t changed in centuries,” he said finally. “The difference between who he used to be and who he’s become.” He sighed and tugged on his ear. “I’ll never be able to see the Master as just a villain, even though that’s what he’s become. We have too much history.”

He could tell Rose didn’t understand why he chose that as the most difficult part of the year, so he tried to find a parallel. “Imagine UNIT called us back to Earth because someone had started randomly killing people, with no real provocation. And when we got here, we discovered something had happened to Shareen, and she was the person they were trying to get under control.”

Rose gasped, and he felt like she finally understood what the year had been like for him… but that was only the tip of the iceberg.

“Now imagine that we’re able to stop Shareen, but somehow, she manages to get away. And every few years for the next five centuries, you get a phone call about your old mate-turned-psychopath, asking you to take care of her.”

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. “That’s what it’s like,” he explained. “I know the Master’s actions are deplorable, but he’s still one of my oldest friends. There’s just…”

Rose nodded and took his hand. “Cognitive dissonance,” she said. “Trying to match up what you know he is now with what you remember him being.”

“Something like that,” he agreed.

She hesitated for a moment, then licked her lips and said, “I’ll probably never understand those mixed feelings you have towards him,” she admitted. “Your comparison to Shareen helps, but still… my first experience with the Master wasn’t as an innocent boy, but as a crazed psychopath obsessed with my bond mate who put me down at every turn.”

The Doctor’s guilt was unsurprising, and Rose had a finger over his lips before he even opened his mouth. “Hush. I’m not done yet.” He nodded, and she reached for his hand.

“But I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me about him, or that I’m upset with you for not being able to see past your history together. I might not understand it, but I accept that you’ll always feel torn when it comes to him. You don’t have to hide that from me, all right?”

The Doctor nodded, then pulled her into his lap and held her tight. Thank you.

oOoOoOoOo

“This was the perfect place to dip our toes back into travelling waters,” the Doctor said the next morning after they dropped off the key to the cottage. “I almost don’t want to leave.”

Rose smiled at him as she unlocked the TARDIS and started for their room. “Well, we can always come back. And the more times we come back, the more memories we’ll make. It’ll become more special to us each time.” She waited for the Doctor to hum happily before adding one last thought. “Now, if we could ever manage to get back to Barcelona…”

They reached their bedroom as she landed that playful gibe, and the Doctor pouted at her for a moment before pushing the door open. “I promise, we will go to Barcelona for our anniversary this year. Nothing short of a universe destroying paradox could keep me from making that happen.”

“I can’t wait.”  

“In the meantime, any thoughts on where you’d like to go next?” the Doctor asked Rose as they unpacked their bag.

“Well, there’s one thing we’ve talked about a few times but somehow keep putting off.”

He raised an eyebrow, and she smiled at him.

“We need to go back to 1969 for a month.”

“Oh!”

A grin spread across his face, and Rose didn’t miss the relief in his eyes. Spending a month in the past was safe, after all.

“Yeah… I think past me would appreciate it if we didn’t put this off any longer. Eventually, we’re just going to forget, and think of the paradox that would cause,” she joked.

He nodded. “All right. Tomorrow morning, we’ll go back to 1969.”