#but actually realising its just bc i find work so tiring and hard to focus on that I have very little energy leftover for conversation

[phagodyke]

this is actually insane have I really been working at that difficulty level for the last 5 months. when I couldve been on stimulants all along. is this how it is for nt ppl to do shit 😐

dunno if this is just placebo effect but I do feel like it's already helping a bit. usually at work I'm fighting for my life trying to write emails or ask ppl for things bc I find it so hard to put my words in order in a way that makes sense to other people but it's been 100% fine.. and I've managed to just Do every task I need so far without rly needing to think..... I feel so calm wtf

[fanfics4all]

Picture

Request: Yes / No hello! im sorry if this is too specific😭 just had this idea can u write a draco x fem reader where they’re like best friends but fancy each other and one day she’s on his bed and somehow he notices or sees she’s wet and teases her abt it but she’s like that bc she just saw a hot pic of him on her phone or sumn? and then he quickly took her phone and finds out its bc of him? and then SMUT PLEASE😭 we love details😼 thxx i love your writing!!! Anon

Requests are closed <3 Have a nice day/night

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader 

Word count: 2451

Warnings: Smut!

Y/N: Your Name 

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK! 

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you! 

Masterlist 

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Draco’s POV

I was in my room studying for the upcoming OWL’s and Y/N, my best friend, was sitting on my bed looking through her phone. She was supposed to study with me, but of course she just ended up on her phone. It was a little annoying, but she somehow always got amazing grades anyway. 

“You know we’re supposed to be studying and not on our phones.” I said, turning to face her. She rolled her eyes and continued to look at her phone. 

“Oh please Draco, we both know I’ll be perfectly fine.” She said and I rolled my eyes. 

“It would be nice to have someone to help me.” I mumbled. “You’ll be fine too Draco.” She said, not paying attention to anything I was really saying at this point. I watched her adjust her position and saw that I could see up her skirt. I blushed slightly and went to look away, but I noticed that she was wet. 

“Somethings got you all hot and bothered ay Y/N/N?” I asked and she looked at me with wide eyes. She quickly closed her legs and blushed deeply. 

“What on earth could have you so turned on at this moment?” I asked with a smirk and walked over to her. I reached for her phone, but she moved it out of my reach. 

“Piss off Draco!” She said, still blushing bright red. 

“Let me see!” I said with a huge smirk. The two of us wrestled over her phone for a few moments, but I ultimately won. I unlocked her phone and found what she was looking at. It was a picture of me. My eyes widened and I looked up to find Y/N blushing an even deeper shade of red. 

“Y-You were getting turned on because of me?” I asked, still in shock that my best friend since we were kids was actually getting horny because of me. 

“You’re very attractive Draco, you can’t blame a girl…” She mumbled. 

“You think I’m attractive?” I asked with a smirk. 

“Shut up! This is embarrassing enough already!” She said and I chuckled slightly. I placed her phone on my bedside table and sat next to her on my bed. She looked over at me, a blush still clear on her features. I gently pulled her face to mine and kissed her. At first she was shocked, but she recovered after a moment and kissed me back. Her lips tasted sweet, just the way I always thought they would. I gently pushed her back onto the bed and deepened the kiss. I pushed my leg in between hers and smirked when I felt her wetness on my knee. She moaned as I pushed my knee into her a bit and held me closer. 

“Please Draco…” She whimpered when we pulled apart for air. 

“I need you to do something for me first.” I said and sat up on my knees. I undid my belt and pushed my pants down along with my boxers, to reveal my erection. Her eyes widened at my size, but smirked. 

“I see I turned you on too.” She said and leaned down so her mouth was only an inch from my mouth. 

“You did, now it’s time you take care of it.” I said and she smirked up at me. 

“Yes sir.” She said and immediately doce her head down and took me into her mouth, no hesitation. It was incredible, but I never, ever thought this would be happening with her. What excited me even more was that I had this beautiful girl that was intent on pleasuring me. I was the focus in this moment. I was the one being taken care of, but of course I was going to return the favor. 

I watched as she bobbed her head up and down my dick. Then it really started to set in how amazing this was actually feeling. Y/N knew how to suck cock, but to my knowledge she’s never done anything with anyone before. Yet, here she was, sucking me like a pro. She had started off bobbing her head quickly, but then started slowing down. Suddenly the pressure around my cock grew immensely. She hollowed out her cheeks and was going nice and slow, but kept deep down my shaft. The sensation was overwhelming! I couldn’t hold out much longer and I placed my hand on the back of her head to let her know I was going to cum soon. She responded by taking me deeper into her mouth, going further up and down on my cock and almost taking it all. Finally I couldn’t hold on any longer. 

“Bloody hell Y/N! I’m going to cum!” I moaned and added a second hand on her head, gripping her hair roughly as I held her mouth deep on my cock. She moaned as I exploded into her waiting mouth. She managed to gulp it all down as I pumped pulse after pulse of my cum down her throat. I never felt an orgasm as amazing as this before. 

When I was finally done, I released Y/N’s head. When she pulled away she opened her mouth and revealed that she had managed to save some of my cum. It was so hot! Then she closed her mouth and swallowed, then opened it back up to show me that every last drop was now down her throat. 

“That was tasty.” Y/N said with a devilish smile. 

“Was I a good girl?” She asked and I smirked. 

“Yes you were, now shut up and kiss me.” I said. 

“But I’m supposed to clean your cock.” She said with a slight pout and started leaning down to do so. I grabbed her hair and pulled her head back so she was forced to look up at me. 

“That can wait, I said I need you to kiss me now.” I said. The lust in her eyes was no doubt shared in my own. I pulled her face towards mine and my lips pressed to hers. For a moment I just held her there, our lips motionless against each other. I still couldn’t believe this was happening. Then she put her hand on my face and the two of us let our dance together. I moved to sit down properly on the bed and pulled her into my lap. Her arms locked around my neck and we started passionately making out. My tongue found hers and I was able to taste myself, but I didn’t care. I was more interested with the way her tongue was battling mine. I didn’t want to stop kissing her. I could feel her pull me, silently telling me that she wanted more of this. Of course neither of us were quiet, our moans filling the room. Eventually our fingers found their way to each other’s clothes. One moment the two of us were clothed and the next we were completely naked. I don’t quite know how it happened exactly, because I don’t remember our lips ever leaving each other. However, once we were naked I laid her down on my bed. My cock seemed to know exactly where it was meant to go, because I felt her wet pussy and pushed inside. 

That’s when I realised I was inside her. I was inside Y/N. I was inside my best friend. My best friend that got turned on because she finds me attractive. Then it hit me what was happening. I didn’t ask her if it was alright. I needed to stop. I pulled out of her and regrettably parted my lips from her. She let out a whine. 

“No, please Draco don’t stop, love me.” She said. I smiled slightly and felt my heart skip a beat as she begged me to love her. 

“Sex isn’t love. However, I intend to make love to you, which is why I stopped.” I said and she looked at me confused. 

“You aren’t making sense.” She said. 

“You just pleasured me orally, it’s time I return the favor.” I said and she smiled. I dove my face into her sweet wet pussy and started licking away. I have to say, she tasted amazing. I could eat her all day. 

My tongue worked her like I never have before. I had given most of my few girlfriends this treatment before, but this time was different. This time was going to be more special. This girl I truly cared about and wanted to hear her pleasure. I hit every spot I knew would excite her. My lips trapped her clit and I began to tase the tip with my tongue. That got her moaning loudly. Then I started kissing the edge of her lips. My kisses migrated to her amazing thighs and I kissed and sucked her beautifully smooth skin. Her moan increased and I was beginning to worry that someone might hear her. However, that didn’t stop me, I moved from one thigh to the other. Y/N getting louder and louder. Finally I went back to her pussy and once again sucked her clit, flicking it with my tongue. She moaned loudly again, but I wanted to give her more pleasure, so I pushed two fingers inside her. As I pumped them inside her while sucking her clit, I started to hear her moan in a low tone. I lapped away at her wet pussy as her hand gripped my hair. 

“Draco!” She moaned. Hearing her moan my name gave me some encouragement and I began licking faster, adding a third finger inside her. 

“Oh Draco!” She moaned again. I increased my efforts, pushing my fingers as deeply as I could inside her as I traced her pussy lips with my tongue. She just kept moaning my name. 

Using my free hand I started working her ass, pulling it to me so I could bury myself deeper into her. For a moment I removed my fingers from inside her and pushed my tongue as deeply inside her as I could manage. Y/N started moaning my name louder, so I know she was enjoying herself. When I started to tire out my tongue from trying to push it in as deeply as I could, I moved back to her thighs. This time I gently nibbled at her legs which got a very positive response as she gripped my head harder and moaned louder. Eventually I dove my face back into her sweet pussy and pushed my fingers back inside. Once again she let out a loud moan as I fingered her and licked her clit. She moaned louder and I felt her tighten around her fingers. Once she came she started gasping for air. 

“Draco please stop, I already came!” She said and I pulled away from her. My face was soaked in her juices. I smiled with a slightly cocky expression. 

“Did you enjoy that?” I asked. 

“Yes, you got me twice.” She said and my eyes widened slightly. 

“What?” I asked. 

“You made me cum twice. I tried to tell you but you made me feel so good, I couldn’t find the willpower to stop you.” She said and I chuckled. 

“So that’s why you were saying my name.” I said and she giggled. 

“Yes.” She said with a slight blush. 

“I’m glad you liked it.” I said. 

“I loved it.” She said. For a moment the two of us just stared into each other’s eyes. Then it dawned on me, I wanted to fuck her, but I wasn’t sure how to say it. 

“Now, love me.” She said and pulled me back on top of her. I lined my cock up to her pyss, but before I pushed into her I looked into her eyes. 

“I do love you.” I said and her eyes widened. 

“What are you saying?” She asked. 

“I’m saying I love you. I’m in love with you, it’s always been you.” I said. Part of me worried that saying it would ruin everything, but she proved one of the many reasons why she was my best friend. 

“I love you too Draco, I always have.” She said without hesitation. I knew she meant it. Somehow, something that we had never realized about each other had suddenly clicked for us. We were in love with each other. All these years we thought we were just best friends, we each secretly wanted more. 

I smiled and gave her a quick kiss before pushing myself inside her. We stayed that way for a little while, just me inside her. We were connected in the most intimate way and we weren’t about to go back. Slowly I started to pump my hard on inside her. It wasn’t long before we understood each other’s rhythm and we were moving together in sync. We loved each other and it only heightened the sensation of her pussy moving over my shaft. Our hands began to wander, pulling at each other, clawing at each other, showing that we desired each other. Every move we made as we had sex was to make it to that we were closer to each other, even if it was only a millimeter closer. We tried to pull each other as close to one another as we could as I thrusted faster and faster. 

Excitement increased in both of us as our climaxes began to stir inside us. My thrusts bagan getting sloppy and I knew I was close to cumming. 

“I love you.” Y/N whispered. 

“I love you too.” I said. 

“I’m cumming!” She moaned. 

“Me too!” I groaned. The both of us reached out orgasm together. My cum rocketed inside her and she let out a moan. It was then I realized I hadn’t worn a condom. Slowly out orgasms came to an end and we slowly calmed down. When we stopped moving I looked into her eyes and could see the love she had for me. I wondered how many times I had missed that look. I brought my head down and kissed her softly. I loved this girl, this beautiful girl, and she loved me. 

Eventually our lips parted and I pulled myself out of her. Regret sat in. I had cum inside her without a condom and now she could end up pregnant. 

“I-I’m sorry.” I said and she looked at me confused. 

“What do you mean?” She asked sitting up. 

“I didn’t use a condom…” I said and she just smiled. 

“It’ll be fine Draco, don’t worry.” She said and pecked my lips. 

“What if-” 

“Hush, don’t ruin the moment.” She said cutting me off.

Tag list: @les-bio-lie​ @tashy-bear​ @ashwarren32​ @hollie-blogs​ @schisbro87​ @lover-of-books-and-teas​ @nerdygaloresposts​ @teenwolfbitches2​ @genius2050​ @drw0301bieber​ @lady-of-lies​ @ravenmoore14​ @ravenempress101​ @cillianchamp​ @rowanthomasknapp​ @rachelxwayne​ @in-slytherin-we-trust​ @accio-rogers​ @sambucky8​ @bruisedfists-and-splitlips @answer-the-sirens​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @vanessa-kom-skaikru​ @dracoswhvre​

[wisteria-lodge]

a bird secondary with a *very* unhealthy badger model

i’m pretty sure i’m using both Bird and Badger secondary tools - i just cannot for the life of me figure out which one’s my actual secondary, and which is the model. it doesn’t help that both of them are at least slightly charred. when i was younger, i was surely a Bird secondary, no doubt.

One of the reasons I ask people for childhood stories is I fundamentally don’t believe that sortings ever change. (Maybe that’s the Lion in me talking.) You can build beautiful models that you adore living in, but important aspects of yourself don’t just... fall away. They change, and grow, and level up. 

i’ve always loved collecting knowledge, i store trivia better than many a fandom wiki, i’ve studied things just because they interested me, i’ve once memorised a big portion of the pokedex just for fun… you get the idea.

I’m going with Bird secondary as a hypothesis, but this doesn’t necessarily say bird secondary to me. Bird of some kind, sure. But it could still be a model. 

when academia kicked my butt (hello, undiagnosed adhd), and i realised my natural talents and good memory won’t help me, i think i burnt my Bird. it really hit me very hard.

That can happen. And it’s brutal. But when a secondary burns from over-use, it’s not gone it’s just... tired. 

i’ve started appreciating kindness and hard work, and i wanted to be a person who - wasn’t necessarily the smartest in the room (because i felt that this ship has already sailed.)

There’s a fun word for someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room. And that word is “asshole.” :) Seriously, ‘being the smartest person in the room’ isn’t a real thing, and definitely not something to aspire to.

didn’t help that i’ve also acquired a nemesis who was just as smart as me, but an asshole, lmaoo. 

Like I was saying...

But I thought perhaps I could be the kind one. the patient one. the steady one. of course, that didn’t work for me with my adhd at all, lol. i am physically and mentally unable to reach that ideal of stable, patient, consistent, reliable. and it hit my self esteem real hard again. 

There is some sort of POWERFUL Badger secondary influence in your life, making you believe that you need to be that way too. And you don’t. That’s the entire premise of this system. That there are many ways to solve problems, all equally effective and valid. 

after all, not everyone can be smart, and that’s alright - but everyone can be a hard worker, right? it’s not a matter of any innate abilities.

You think the chip that allows you to settle down and focus on doing a non-preferred task in increments over long periods of time is not an innate ability? This is why I hate standardized tests. They test your ability to take a test much more than they test the material. Not everyone *can* sit at a desk in a silent, windowless room and do math problems for four hours. And why on earth should that be that a desirable, rewarded ability? The end goal is not to graduate and start working in a factory like its 1905. 

my bachelor degree’s taken me a year longer than it should have, because i’ve started just… not doing my work. didn’t come to class, didn’t hand in my homework, didn’t contact my professors. did everything at the very last minute, if at all. and i didn’t know why.

It’s because you struggle with executive dysfunction. Because you’re neurodivergent.

i’ve felt terrible about it, because i wanted to be a good student, you know? i wanted to feel like i earned that degree. i passed, because i’m bright and i can extrapolate based on the knowledge i already have, and i have a lot of knowledge in this wonky brain of mine - but it doesn’t feel like i… deserved that pass. 

for instance, we had this class - literature masterpieces of XX century. we were supposed to read one book each week. obviously i didn’t manage, bc despite reading as if my life depended on it in my early years, i lost that ability sometime during my high school years (when depression hit). so the night before, i’ve sat down, read the wikipedia article on every book and every author on the list, read goodreads’ reviews, sparknotes, whatever i could find. sometimes even fragments of the original text. and i passed that (oral) exam, even with this extremely strict professor. and i felt horrible about it, because i didn’t feel i deserved to pass that. i didn’t read those books! i’ve lied to you! i’ve cheated! 

Listen. I’m a teacher, and I am telling you, you deserved that degree. You got the info, you thought about it, you understood. You didn’t trick your strict professor. Your professor did a good job, and allowed you to think and learn and demonstrate your knowledge in a way that worked for you. (Which is what they’re supposed to do.) I love students with ADHD, their brains are fast and non-linear, and yes they skim the reading, but they make connections and take things to new levels and process things in such cool way, and it just makes me feel alive you know? 

I actually have more trouble with the opposite type, the student who obviously did the reading, but didn’t play with it or connect it to anything else they know, so it just kind of sits in their head like a lump, not doing them any good. But they are really good test-takers.

then again - doing things the right way was (and still is) sometimes just simply unaccesible to me.

There is no right way to do things. The right way to do thing is whatever makes you happy and gets the job done. But that’s a hard one to internalize. I still have trouble truly internalizing that one. But I’m getting better. 

the badger secondary, therefore, is not anything that’s actually… useful to me, most of the time, lol. 

You are crushing yourself under the weight of a Badger secondary model.

unless it’s the ~vibes~ of the badger that make professors like me, most of the time - and because of that liking, they’d often turn a blind eye to just how badly i’d fuck up.

I bet your professors like you because you’re an interested, interesting student who brightens up their day. And if they’re turning a blind eye, it’s because they know that people with ADHD struggle with deadlines sometime. And that’s /fine/

i often seem trustworthy and reliable in the beginning, before my executive dysfunction trips me up, and makes me beat myself up for not actually being that.

My thoughts on secondaries and executive dysfunction. 

it’s the bird that helps me still achieve anything these days - the knowledge i still have, and the things i pick up along the way, from friends or twitter or online articles. i can bullshit my way through many things, because i know quite a bit about a wide range of topics.

It is so easy to pick up on true bullshit as a teacher. We *know* when you don’t know what you’re talking about. When you put together interesting statements and arguments on the fly - when you pull something out of your ass - it’s still coming from you. That’s just an alternate way of thinking. Also, everything you have written is SO BIRD.

but actually applying myself - which i feel is both necessary to succeed 

It’s not.

and the right way to do things

There’s no such thing.

 - is just… out of my reach. sorry for the rant, but i’m just so super confused, lmao. if you have any thoughts on this mess, i’d be very grateful. apologies for any mistakes, too - english is not my first language.

English isn’t your first language??? Your English is amazing. You’re a bird secondary, and a pretty brilliant one by the sound of it. And you are torturing yourself because you aren’t living up to an entirely arbitrary Badger secondary ideal.

[carotriesstudy]

When you’re not doing well at uni and failing

okay, i know im not the best at keeping this blog bc its like not a physical thing so i forget i have it lol

but i wanted to just talk a little and vent bc of my life is pretty shit atm (the tips at the start are written post rant to actually give some advice instead of just venting)

Tip 1 - get out of bed

I know its hard, I could spend my life in bed and tbh I do. but I also know that while it feels like taking care of yourself to relax, I know it’ll make me more depressed. and it's super hard. I constantly tell myself to get up while lying there an entire day. but when you feel that little spur of energy or in my case annoyance lol use it. get up and get out. 

Tip 2 - get out of your room

this is similar to tip 1 but if you find yourself in lack of motivation or energy go somewhere. take a walk, or go study in a library or cafe. and this can be even harder. having to get dressed? maybe interact with people? are you kidding me? but the minute you get out and even when you interact with people it feels better. you aren't holed up in your depression or whatever might be bothering you. 

Tip 3 - it’s okay and it’s going to be better

right now it's shit. and it feels like its never going to get better. and that you're stuck in this rut forever. but things will turn even if you don't want them to. there can be a comfort and security in your depression bc it gives a reason to why it feels like its right. but you know what also feels like that? the good, and hopefully there will be more of those. 

Tip 4 - do as much as you can handle

it's easy to not do things. I haven't done anything all semester. and it sucks bc it's biting me in the ass now. and it's not like I don't have the time. I just don't have the energy. so when I have the energy I need to remember that reading 3 pages of assigned reading is still better than none. I go to class even if I'm not paying attention bc it gets me up and out but also it gives a good idea of what I need to focus on etc.

Tip 5 - its okay to “give up”

i dont like the phrase giving up that much bc it sounds like defeat. i am in a process of severly considering not starting again next semester bc of my mental health. its serious consideration. but its one i need to make and if i decide not to go, it doesnt mean i gave up, i just realised that my current situation iisnt good and that i need to change stuff before i can continue instead of wasting my time doing a shit job at an expensive uni. so, thats good. figuring out what works and what doesnt is only a positive thing

today im in a somewhat good mood despite learning i failed my stats exam (dw its not bad we have multiple so i can still pass)

but the thing is, i have been in a very bad place or a long time and it has really been affecting me and by extension also my education.

i feel apathetic towards everything, im uninterested, and the stress and obligatoin feel i used to really on to study isnt kicking in anymore due to the apathy

im constantly tired, i cant get out o bed in the morning and we have madatory attendance (which probably is good bc otherwise i wouldnt be going to class probably)

my concentration and attention is somewhere completely different atm and its been weeks like this (usually its a few days) and i cant control it very well and its making it hard for me to study and pay attention

im letting myself slip, my room is slipping, my health is slipping

while im trying to get better and be more social which is easier than studying bc usually its just me and this one friend getting high and watching stupid videoes which is nice bc its a break to feel happy and entertained but its also not good for me

back to school stuff since this is a study blog

im no doing good in any of my classes, i barely passed two exams, failed one and possibly one more

i have an exam on friday i need to study for, and one on monday. i neeed good grades in these to make up for the not so good marks i have received before

and while i know that taking care of your mental health is more important not feeling like doing academic work is bothering me a lot actually and its a hellish circle of poor mental health leads to poor academic performance which then leads to poor mental health

and while my apathy and alexithymia saves me from feeling sad or upset by my grades i know deep down i want to do well. i want to succeed. 

i cant keep not working, i need to put in work if i wanna improve. this isnt high school anymore

im doing some hard courses this semester and while i am usually interested in most of them i cant seem to care 

im doing better today mentally and i feel up for getting some stuff done so im going to exploit that but i also just want to sleep and wake up feeling actually awake for once

im also getting sick so thats fun

my parents are also making me see a therapist (i haven't started yet) and i think thats a good idea but i have a lot of anxiety about it lol hence why i need therapy 

im also going to talk to counsellor at school and see what she can help with as well

idk what id going to happen but im trying to finish my semester and get back into a good study rhythm. I anyone wants to throw some advice or encouragement my way id really appreciate it.

[skizmin]

Ravenclaw Woojin

genre: fluff of course, sorta?? enemies to lovers but?? not really???, an adamant y/n and a soft woojin,,,, none of the other members appear which i didnt even realise until i finished

okay so woojin is ravenclaws most trusted prefect as hes the eldest one and literally does The Most to make himself available for others

seriously once he asked the defence against the dark arts professor for a 2 week extension on his assignment so he could tutor 5 people for the upcoming charms exam 

like,,,,,,,, damn

anyway so you actually do this extended course of charms, youre in the same class as woojin and for some reason??? the fact that hes so naturally good at it pisses you off

especially when youre falling slightly behind in that class

okay a LOt behind

your like,, only friend in that class is dropping it next term to focus on her divination classes and she doesn’t get it either but it doesnt affect her grades not nearly as much as it affects yours. 

shes all “dude just ask for woojin to tutor you” and youre like 

No NO no

no way are you being tutored by kim woojin. the idea just embarrasses you

you’re usually fine with getting help from peers but woojin?? everyone goes to him for tutoring and you sorta just dont??? wanna put yourself into that group???

you feel like it makes you inferior to him for some reason which is the worst feeling ever

(even tho you totally arent bc youre beating him in potions anyway)

anyway so its a wednesday morning and the class is about to end to allow the students to go have breakfast (you know how extended courses are out of normal school times ye??)

you’re tired as fuck

confused as fuck

hungry as fuck

everything as fuck

but then “y/n!” called you to your senses and you stopped packing your things

your professor had just called you up, an ancient tiny little man who was apart of the great battle of hogwarts some time ago

“yes sir?”

“come here would you?” 

you shoved your ink jar into your bag and nodded, walking out from behind your desk and saying bye to your friend who was leaving already

god she really did hate this class you thought lmao

the majority of the students were still packing their things away in a slow drawl probably instigated by the dim, sleepy light of the chilly morning

“anything i can help you with?” you awkwardly asked your professor who smiled at you, stepping down from his place standing on books to look up at you

“yes actually, ive noticed you’re falling behind.”

you cringed, hard, not even wanting to turn around and see who was watching

“i suggest you get a tutor if you wanna get an A for this semester, y/n.”

“sir, i don’t have time to be tutored!”

“well then i guess you’re going to fail this course y/n. just be tutored enough to catch you up on the syllabus and then i can help you with the rest, okay?”

you internally groaned. this was bad

“you’re smart, it’ll only be about 2 weeks before youre caught up. im sure theres plenty of people that would tutor you.”

you nodded and politely fare-welled the teacher before turning to walk out of the classroom

the classroom was surprisingly empty, and you were happy to see that, not really excited about your professor sharing the fact that you were failing the course

sighing to yourself, you walked out of the door, planning to go meet your friends in the great hall

“hey! wait! y/n!” 

you whipped around, half scared to death

the halls were practically empty yet

there was kim woojin

standing right next to the doorway you had just exited

your head tipped back. had he really been standing there the whole time?

“do you wanna meet tonight or something? we can go to the library?”

you gave him a pointed stare

“what? why?”

woojin was a little taken aback, he grew smaller under your gaze.

“oh, so i can- you know, tutor you? i heard you were behind by a bit.”

he looked almost embarrassed at how you were responding to his offer as you sharpened your gaze on him

“i dont need you to tutor me. i can find someone else.”

and with that you left a frowning, dumbfounded woojin standing in the hallway as you stalked off to the great hall

stupid woojin

who did he think he was asking you to meet him in the library

surely you can catch up on your own, you really dont need his help. you’re like, shaking your head lmao

smh

but anyway, the end of the day comes and you grab all these phat stacks of parchment and take you study charm books to the library and sit at the farthest ever table away from literally everyone

you start studying properties of all the spells youve learnt this second term

you get to the third spell, aparecium, one youve been having a lot of trouble remembering

you groaned, looking up in your book what exactly the spell meant and remembering it was in fact a revealing charm and you didnt have any pages with invisible ink on them. 

you began flipping further into the book, trying to find the incantation for concealing ink writing so you could practise 

“h-here.” 

you fuCKING LEAPED IN YOUR SEAT

BITCH TF

THAT SCARED YOu oh my god what was he doing here

“s-sorry for scaring you b-but, its got concealed writing on it so you can, like- practise?”

he sounded sorta hopeful as he slid the paper over to you, hands nervously twining with each other in front of him afterwards

your pride was getting to you tho so

“i’m good at that spell, i don’t need to practise it.”

woojin blinked and squinted at you a little, trying to figure out whether or not you were lying

“ooookayyyy. anyway, anything else you want help with? i can explain it a little bit for you?”

you resisted the MASSIVE urge to roll your eyes at him

we get it, youre good at this

“im okay, thanks.”

you expect woojin to leave then, and it seems he does too as he stutters in his movement before clenching his eyes shut

“do you not l-like me or something? or did i-, did i do something to you?” he peeked an eye open to gauge your reaction

he looked almost

scared?

oh no, oh no

what was this guilt? you could feel your glare softening in an instant

why are you liKE THIS

“n-no! i dont!” you stuttered out a reply, eyes widening slightly

and then, he smiled. and he smiled wide

you felt blinded almost, your heart started palpitating. so this is what it was like to have woojin smile at you, and you only.

you were fucked

“oh! okay then! sorry i just-, i just thought i’d annoyed you or something so..” he trailed off, tapping his shoe on the ground suddenly very interested in the lamp on the library desk

“anyway!” he spoke up again. “i’ll uh, i’ll leave you to it. and don’t forget to practise aparecium. it’ll be on the next test for sure.” he grinned at you again and you sorta maybe might have felt heat crawling to your cheeks.

“t-thanks woojin.”

he nodded at you, still smiling before leaving

you banged your head on the table, what in the world was that interaction

whilst burying your face in your hands you noticed he had left the enchanted paper with you, you shrugged

might as well use it, right?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, shit

1 and a half hours later yu were groaning out of pure frustration with yourself. no matter how perfectly you practised the incantation or how directly you swished your wand at the page, nothing appeared

no writing or anything

you were beginning to wonder if woojin gave you the right piece of parchment, that this was the one with the invisible ink

you shook your head, looking at the clock closest to you and deciding it was too late to be studying and that your brain mustnt be working right,

you packed up your stuff and went back to your dorm, making sure to get as good a sleep as possible because you had another extension charms lesson tomorrow morning

,,,

anyway so you woke up late in the morning with a sore neck and red eyes. 

this was Not Good

quickly tugging on your robes and frantically shoving things into your bag whilst brushing your teeth you rushed out of you dormitory and ran all the way to the charms classroom

you ran in out of breath, your professor looking at you with an unimpressed look. “glad to see you could make it y/n.” he drawled before turning back to the blackboard

you whined as you saw him writing a test warning for 2 weeks time, sleepily stumping your way over to your friend who was laughing at you loudly

unpacking your things, you glanced around the room. eyes landing on woojin who had a hand resting under his chin staring right back at you

your cheeks went a bit red when he smiled at you, giving you a small wave before turning his head to the board again

your friend next to you shoved you a little bit, when your turned your head you face her she simply mouthed an i saw that

you rolled your eyes and paid attention to the rest of the lesson without any distractions

anddddd thennnnnn it was over

you blinked, your notes were cleaner today than usual

“hey, y/n!” you looked up to find woojin standing in front of your desk, toothy grin on his face as per usual

your heart sorta skipped a beat before you were able to tell it not to

“hey woojin :))” you smiled, trying your best to sound friendly whilst not looking like an absolute fool

he sorta squinted at you a bit before “so uh, how was studying?”

it was your turn to look at him sceptically this time

“it was,,,,,, good??” you questioned, unsure of how to respond

woojins smile sorta falters before coming back with a somewhat sad lilt to it

“ah, right. well i gotta go. my friends are waiting.” and with that he nodded at you and left

you were confused as fuck

well, that was certainly weird

anyway, for the next week and 3 days, woojin completely avoided you

you’d be fine with this of course if you hadnt gotten that little soft spot for him a while back

it sorta hurt when your smiled at him and he sorta just sadly smiled back and looked away, or if you were gonna say hi to him he’d scurry away before one word could leave your mouth

you were really down about it honestly

bUT you also didnt have time to worry about it

your test was in FOUR. DAYS. 

AND you had studied everything else to the best of your ability apaRT from the revealing charm, aparecium.

you wanted to cry, no one could explain it well enough to you and you could say the incantation right bc everyone spoke too fast and apparently you had to use it MULTIPLE times on the tes to maKE QUESTIONS APPEAR. 

QUESTIONS

INVISIBLE QUESTIONS THAT COUNT TOWARDS YOUR MARK

basically, you were having a mental breakdown and you knew there was only one person left to try and explain it to you

kim woojin

again, he was A V O I D I N G    Y O U

which made you angry bc you neED TO GET AN A

anyway, so your class on a tuesday was an afternoon class and you sorta just planned to corner him there after class

flitwick usually left 10 minutes early to arrive at his choir practises on time and put a charm on the door so no student could leave early

so the time comes, the bells ring and students rush out of the class you go and lie in their beds or whatever most teenagers do nowadays

and you make your way over to woojin’s desk as he packs up his things, he was always the last to leave

you coughed to get his attention, when he looked up his eyes widened

“i need your help.” you stated, eyes boring into his, you could swear you saw pink flush over his cheeks

“im uh, im busy. sorry y/n-”

“just one charm? please? i really need it, no one else can explain it.”

woojins eyes softened and he bit his lip. he was contemplating.

“okay.” you smiled at him widely “lets try now, okay?”

you nodded, placing you bag down and grabbing out some enchanted pieces of parchemnt, including the one he gave you

you sat down next to him and he look confused

“whats the paper for?”

“the aparecium charm.” you replied simply, turning to face him

a look of realisation dawned over his face

“i thought you said you were good at that charm?” he muttered

you looked at him weird, why was he acting so strange?

“i lied, i didnt want help back then but i do now. so,”

and then he grinned widely, taking a piece of paper that wasnt the one he gave you and telling you to watch closely

“aparecium.” he said, clearly. swishing his wand almost expertly

you looked at the paper in front of you and saw the writing of hello appear on it in your cursive handwriting

you looked up at him in aw.

“can you say it again? slowly? i dont think im pronouncing it right.”

woojin giggled

G I G G L E D

and repeated himself, clear and slow. you nodded at him, taking a random piece of paper and clearing your throat

“wait!” woojin yelped “use this one!” 

you furrowed your brows as he shoved the piece of paper he gave you in the library in front of you

“uh, okay?” you replied, glancing up at his smile

clearing your throat again, you swished you wand and spoke clearly. “aparecium.”

nothing happened to the paper and you groaned loudly

“oh, y/n, your pronunciation is perfect. its the swish thats wrong.”

you bored your eyes into him “what?”

“youre doing it this way. youre supposed to do it this way” he flourished his wand to demonstarte to you the wrong doing

you still furrowed your brow, not really seeing the difference between the two

“here, i’ll show you”

o hMY GOD HE 

HE JUST GRABBED YOUR HAND HOLY SHIT

SIRENS CALL THE AMBULANCE

YOU REALLY ALMOST CHOKED ON AIR

suddenly you felt fire all over. red surely covering your face as you tried to concentrate but holY SHIT

“okay so youre going like this.” he moved your hand in his own, making out the movement you made before

“but you should be doing this.” 

o h

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

now you get it

you wanted to bang your head on the table for being so dumb about it

“oH RIGHT! woojin you’re literally a life saver!”

he laughed again, retracting his hand from yours as red splashed over his cheeks and onto his ears

“well, go on! try it!

you smiled, looking down at the paper and saying a strong and clear incantation whilst moving your wand exactly how woojin showed you to

you squeALED in excitement as ink dotted onto the page! 

you grabbed woojin by the forearm and raised it above both of your heads in celebration

he laughed and cheered along with you before you settled down, beginning your massive thank you speech.

“seriously i couldnt have done it without your help i could have faile-”

“y/n, read it.” woojin smiled at you

“what?” you replied, confused

“read the parchment.”

eyebrows furrowing once again you looked down at the parchment with now visible ink

do you wanna maybe go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?

your eyes widened

no way

no way no way no way

you snapped your eyes up to meet his

this is why he avoided you! he thought youd rejected him in such a selfish cold hearted way!

“i’ve uh, actually liked you for a while. we missed last weekend but im down to go next weekend if you want?”

“i- i, i mean, y-you! of course! i’ll go with you, yeah! oh my god i am so sorry you mustve thought i was such a bitch i shouldnt have lied im an awf-”

oh my fUCKING GOD

CODE FUCKING RED HIS HANDS WHERE ON YOUR CHEEKS

AND HIS LIPS ON YOURS

BREATHING? WHOS SHE

your eyes clenched shut as you reached to grab the front of his robes, kissing him back

you felt so goddamn dizzy, your mind cloudy at the absolute bliss of the feeling of his lips and how they moved against yours

he started smiling against you and had to pull away, his eyes glimmering and heart beating out of his chest

“i’ll pick you up at your dorms at 10, okay?”

god, youve never smiled harder.

[justmysicklypride]

P-P-P-Play that shit: ptv analysis - Part 2

 Hi what’s up everyone and welcome to this week’s pew news. This is a continuation of my last post where I pretty much summed up Pierce The Veil’s career from the beginning to present and gave an overview of their rise and downfall. You can check it out here, but if you already know about everything or have read it already then feel free to ignore it. In any case, I was originally gonna make these two posts as one but ran out of room bc who the hell would read that much text in a blog post (me) so here you go - part two of this fucking conspiracy theory because I didn’t even get to share any of my thoughts in the last one. (I also forgot to put headers with each new topic smh apologies to the English language)

Edit: it’s been fucking eons since I wrote the last one/started writing this one like legit I even changed my user. The reason why this has been put off for so long will be explained later but yh smh

Gigantic obligatory disclaimer: Everything that I will discuss whether it be in this post or my last, or any future posts that relate to this subject IS NOT going to touch on the subject of the “sexual relations with a minor” incident in itself. I will not go into detail about my own views on this specific matter as there is literally no way to win because whatever I say could be taken out of context by literally anyone. That being said, I do not condone pedophilia, I do not condone sexual harassment or rape, and I do not undermine the importance of consent. I respect the laws of different states, as I know they vary with time and place, and I understand that everyone has their own opinions and I do not wish to impose my own onto others.

In regards to this, however, I do have to acknowledge that I, first and foremost, do not think that Mike Fuentes is innocent, and I strongly believe that how the band handled this situation was just plain terrible, but I do also have to acknowledge the fact that this situation is to stay between the accuser and the victim, as well as their respective legal teams and that I should not go nosedive headfirst into anything like this when it does not directly affect or require my judgement as a necessity, lest I face any legalities or blacklash as a result. Furthermore, everything that I will be talking about are conspiracies only and I do not in any way assume or imply that any of this is true.

In other words, I don’t mean to offend anyone but if you end up getting offended then that’s on you, not me. Let’s begin.

Introduction 

The points that I am trying to highlight in this essay post is, in simple words, that Pierce The Veil’s... well, everything, comes off as kind of a conspiracy, almost, to me. I have had these thoughts for a long-ish time, and so this post is basically me finally making a post that covers all things that I have been thinking of in the past. Unlike my previous post, this one is a lot less fact-based and a lot more opinionated, so if you’re not into that, then that’s fair. Otherwise, I will be discussing the following things (in this order): the topic of kellic, Misadventures, and the accusation + response.

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Ship Them Together And Call It Lemonade

I refer to my last post and assume that everyone understands how “kellic” came to be and what it means. To summarise to the bare minimum best of my abilities, it’s the ship name of Vic Fuentes and Kellin Quinn, aka what people call it when someone wants or is keen on the idea of these two frontmen having an affair with each other in a (typically) fictional setting. It happens all the time, especially in this day and age where you can easily just find someone with the same obsession as you with a click of a button. That’s why King For A Day, and inadvertently Collide With The Sky, became such a huge success. It appealed to the right demographic of teenagers and tweens who were ecstatic at the prospect of shipping, and went on to achieve even more impressive feats following that. How you ask? Well, by going on a tour around the world of course. Together. Playing shows every night that ends with one of them literally carrying the other off the stage. Gotta give the people what they want, hey?

I have a strong belief that the key to success is through beating the system at its own game. In this case, the game is simple - get fans, get money. Unfortunately, as we all know, getting fame isn’t as easy as simply earning it through grit and determination. To achieve fame, one must find a way to do something at the right time in the right way so that people will notice. If one person does, and your fire doesn’t die out right away, then you’ve got yourself a forest fire. Then later on, all you gotta do is keep this forrest fire going, but assuming that there isn’t someone standing on the other side with the whole fire department’s resources in tow, then the only thing stopping this fire is itself, because with all things in life, fire dies out, and fame stops accumulating after a while if nothing is done about it. Humans need entertainment. If something starts to fail to pique their interests, then they move on. That’s why YouTubers are required to change up their content every now and again in order to try and relight that spark they once had, and even then there’s a good chance that they won’t. 

I was originally going to write another blog essay about this whole YouTube analogy thing but quickly realised that for one, I don’t have time bc I’m getting my ass fucked by university on a daily basis; and that for another, there’s most likely a billion other videos or essays about this topic as is, so I’ll just link one or two of them here. I haven’t watched them all yet or I don’t remember much of them, but all they do is pretty much summarise up stuff like how YouTubers become successful and their downfalls and all that, and even though they kinda focus on a specific person or group of people, I feel like it could be generalised.

Even without the YouTube metaphor, we know shipping works. It is evident in multiple works across various media that giving the fans what they want is often what gives these people their continued success, such as Dan Howell and Phil Lester, who have all but stopped trying to create their own individual branding (save for their separate merch stores that are probably there just to get more people to buy their overpriced clothing), and who at this point have become such an overused example that I actually hesitated writing that. Why do you think movies and shows and cartoons mostly have a romantic subplot? Romance is an essential trope in literature and easily one of the most popular genre out there for various reasons. According to a Bustle article written in 2016, romance often gives the readers a sense of hope or gives them a way to live out their fantasies in the easiest way possible, and while this may not apply to everyone, (personally I’m not a romance fan much at all but I can appreciate good literature), it’s hard to deny the phrase “sex sells”.

Given that, you’d think that any company with half a brain would learn to exploit it, but for some reason this wasn’t the case in Pierce The Veil’s management, and no matter how I look at it, I can’t really see the reason why. It’s not like the band members are uncomfortable with the ship - Jaime Preciado has been seen kissing Vic Fuentes on stage (not on the lips guys chill) (I had forgotten how fucking difficult it takes to find this one specific clip so here’s a couple different fuenciado pictures instead to make up for it smfh), and Vic Fuentes has mentioned kellic in a live stream once jokingly - and Kellin Quinn is notoriously known for being completely okay with it (so long as he doesn’t have to look at it), so just what is the reason?

This Ain’t A Hiatus, It’s A Goddamned Arms Race

I’d be lying if I didn’t miss all the memes that all stemmed from the Pierce The Veil boys not being able to release an album when they’d promised, before postponing said album yet again and disappearing off of the face of the earth digitally for another year or two, giving them a total of four years as their unofficial, unannounced hiatus. For this, I have several questions.

We all know Vic Fuentes loves taking his sweet ass time releasing music - he’s admitted to remaking his first album a second time before releasing it, as stated an interview a couple years back - but you can’t honestly tell me their management just let them get away with it. Sure, through this time they’ve been pushing out new merch to no end, but something tells me that this giant gap they’ve wedged between the new album and Collide With The Sky isn’t gonna be good publicity, despite all the memes that’ve sprouted from it. There’s been fans who stopped taking interest in this band because of it, as well as fans who have just gotten fed up with having to wait so long. They scrapped a whole completed album in the process of creating Misadventures too, and while it’s not uncommon for bands to throw away near-completed ideas at whim, it’s also not unlikely for there to be some external factors or reasoning behind why they did it. Could it be that the album they threw away stayed too close to their roots and management or some other person told the band to start again, so that they can create something more appealing to this day and age? Or could it be something else that is hard to see at face-value?

You’ll Never Get Ahold Of Me Now

Finally, I’m gonna address the overdue elephant in the room. If you want to read the full thing, here it is because I’m tired of having to reiterate what happened. Mike Fuentes received a sexual allegation by some girl(s) and the band released a shitty statement that has since gotten deleted - that’s the general gist of it. 

Like I said, it’s been literal months (or weeks idk my perception of time is severely fucked) since I actually started making this post so literally no one cares anymore, but regardless of what past me has promised or written down, I’m not going to be discussing the allegation in itself, but rather what and/or how the band and their subsequent management has handled it, in that they handled it so bad that I honestly can’t believe they did it like that. 

Edit: I wasn’t gonna bother finding another copy of the statement bc no one’s gonna give a shit but then I’d be doing some baseless shit and I honestly can’t stand people who half ass these things, despite my growing urge to do the same thing, so here’s the statement. 

For starters, who the hell waits one whole month before releasing a statement? From what I can remember, their excuse was allegedly that pretty much management forbade them to talk or make a statement about it earlier for... reasons? (Just realised I don’t actually have the source for this so idk take it with a grain of salt I guess because I was sure I had read this somewhere but I can’t back it up.) 

That’s not even the worst part, either. The statement itself gave zero closure to literally everything. Yes, they acknowledged the allegation, but that’s just about as far as they went. The whole point of a statement is to clear things up, whether the accuser was right or wrong, and what steps will be taken from there, whether an apology is to be issued or not. No shit you know about the incident, who in the fandom wouldn’t? Instead pointing out the straight up obvious, what they should’ve done was 1) not waited an entire fucking month before talking about it, most likely hoping the whole thing to blow over by then and 2) actually talked about the incident in their statement instead of tiptoeing around the subject like some sort of time bomb ready to go off. There is no right or wrong answer, because literally all they had to do was tell the truth - as in write down a statement from Mike (not the whole fucking band mind you) about his take on the whole thing or get him to say what had happened from his point of view. Then resolve it privately with your legal team and whatnot if they really feel the need. Hell, all he needed to do was apologise. Whether something like that classifies as assault or rape or whatever is up to you but the fact of the matter is that she’s underaged at that point in time. Even if she was fully aware of the risks and whatnot and gave legitimate consent, under the eyes of the law and pretty much 80% of the people reacting to this incident, it will be deemed illegal and inappropriate behaviour. All these people had to do was literally just be open and honest about it regardless of whatever the hell happened, because this is all happening on a public platform where everyone can see/read it to their hearts’ content. Viewers can’t judge or make a decision to support or not support you if you don’t tell them your side of the story, so for the love of god, why the hell didn’t they?

The statement was filled with bullshit about how they love the fans and all that shit, and honestly my thoughts can be accurately summed up in this video right here. So much backlash could have potentially been avoided had they just told it as it is, because now all we have is a vague ass response that gives no closure and tell us nothing as to whether Mike actually did it or not, because in the statement he manage to spout some bullshit about how he’s “never intentionally manipulated or abused anyone in [his] life” and that he’s just a ball of empathy which at first glance could suggest he at least thinks he’s innocent, but then they go on to say how Mike’s taking a temporary leave from the band for, you guessed it, absolutely no reason. At least, no reason that they’ve given us (what else is new) (I’m becoming more petty as the night drags on it’s literally 1am). Honestly, .@piercetheveil, please tell me why the honest to god fuck did you have him leave just after suggesting that he might be innocent? I know the world isn’t black and white but when you’re making a stance and defending yourself or admitting to something, it really is - black and white that is. Either you’re innocent or believe that you’re innocent and stand your ground by not leaving the band, or you admit that you are guilty, in which case your leaving of the band would actually feel justified, because now it’s like you’re gonna come back as well, so what does that even mean? Mike isn’t gone indefinitely, he hasn’t pleaded guilty or innocent, and now the band is telling us they love us? Fuck out of here with that bullshit.

Yes, I support the band’s decision to pull out of the All Time Low tour and to not have Mike out there in case fans feel threatened or unsafe or whatnot, but if you’re pleading innocent, then honestly the whole band should’ve just said “hey we’re gonna go on hiatus for a while until our legal team’s finished with taking care of everything”, and not just said hey guys we’re gonna kick him out because he may or may not have done something that we’re not gonna tell you because we’re shady fuckers like that. I know they are on hiatus right now, but at the “start”, they only said that Mike would be withdrawing temporarily or whatever so it’s kind of like, okay? Sure? It’s a right mess I assure you. Honestly, throughout this whole incident, it was this statement part that made me really fed up with this band. My interest in them had died down significantly from since I hit fifteen all those three years ago, and right now when I dug up an old iPod shuffle to bring with me to university to save my phone battery throughout the day, I can honestly say that I won’t be adding any Pierce The Veil songs onto it anytime soon unless I get peer pressured to. Personally, I feel like that’s kind of the mentality of a lot of had-been Pierce The Veil fans, too.

That’s Great And All But What’s Your Point?

Pierce The Veil’s management sucks ass.

There’s no easy, lawsuit-prone way for me to say it but, and this is just a conspiracy theory I swear to god if I get the fucking ASIS kicking down my door in the middle of the night you better read the fucking disclaimer, there’s obviously some shady shit going on in there no matter what way you slice it. Either they’re sabotaging Pierce The Veil’s success or whether it’s all some big confusion or misunderstanding, or if they’re just plain dumb, we can all agree that this whole thing - the kellic fan service, album making, allegations and subsequent statements - should’ve and could’ve been handled a hell of a lot more gracefully and professionally. Believe it or not, waiting until things blow over is frankly just childish and solves literally nothing, so either they can pull their act together quickly with this next “special secret” album to redeem what little quality/dignity they have left, or they can just fade away into irrelevancy and become a band that no one cares about anymore. 

History repeats itself. This band is quickly becoming just another Leafyishere, and as ominous as that sounds, it’s honestly not unlikely at this point. I am intrigued as to where they go from here, because if they manage to breakthrough again, then I would be very surprised given their current situation. I want to know how they choose to handle this - whether it’ll be the same or not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Thank you so much if you read through this honestly like I am beyond happy that this is fucking over because I have a bunch of non-band related post essays I’ve been meaning to post but this one’s been nagging at the back of my mind for the past few months or however long it’s been. I’ve clocked in at around past 3k words for this one, and none of this is edited because I’m honestly so done with this you don’t understand. Like I said before, this took ages because I was gonna make another post talking about other shit that relates to this before realising that there’s way too many people that’ve addressed the whole YouTube thing so me doing it would literally be pointless, and even though no one really reads this shit, as big of a nerd as I am, I do enjoy writing bullshit because maybe then I’ll stop ranting to my friends and family about topics they don’t care about.

Regardless, that’s it for this two parter thing, and until next time or whatever.

Catch’ya x

[freckledbabysbf-blog]

11 Questions Tag!!

(or more like i’ve been tagged 7 times and im just gonna answer all of them)

Basically, you have to answer these 11 questions, create 11 new ones and then tag 11 people to answer your questions!

thank you neha for tagging me! @3rachaa

1) which stray kids member would you want as your best friend?

honestly?? probably either felix, seungmin or changbin. i think felix would probably bring out good sides of me, seungmin and i could be soft together and changbin and i are just lowkey the same person so

2) who’s your ult bias and why?

i dont even know at this point, i have like 5 tbh. its ncts mark, because he got me back into kpop because idk i just thought hes really inspirational and shit. then theres seventeens the8 because honestly he just snatched me and damn im lowkey in love with him ngl and hes so talented and god damn beautiful i just cant. then theres ma boy v, aka kim taehyung aka the guy that has had me smitten since 2014 and i just love him because damn his voice and hes so adorable and just damn. also im a hoe its also suga because ngl hes like exactly my type and hes so damn admirable and just i dont even know how could i not love him? And last but not least our boy felix somehow did it and im not sure how but he did it and im still confused

3) how’s your day been?

im really sick but except that today was a chill day, i had a 5hour nap and basically couldnt talk all day so

4) what’s something that you’re excited about?

honestly? my best friend and i have a tradition of staying on my step dads farm in between christmas and new year every year and this year my other best friend is joining us and im super exited for that

5) how’d you discover stray kids? what was your initial impression of them?

i saw the teaser of the hellevator mv and was like, damn jyp u got a new group ready to snatch me?

6) ice cream or cake?

questionable because i dont eat either bc it most of the time isnt vegan but probably ice cream

7) what’s your fave food?

i have no favorite food tbh

8) favorite ice cream flavor?

idk proably hazelnut ig

9) what’s your ult group? why do you love them?

the same as with ub, its in between nct, seventeen, bts and now also stray kids and right now id say my main focus is stray kids? i just love them

10) what’s your role in the fandom? (ex. parent, the baby, etc.)

im that one gay cousin who just dissapears from time to time

11) rant about anything ;)

honestly felix eyes are so beautiful and dont let me start about his damn freckles man this guy is a whole 20/10 like damn bro chill ur already basically everything i want as a boyfriend stop being perfect hard working and lovable 

thanks mari pt 1 @jiggyjisung

1. whats your fav cold drink?

does water count?

2. chocolate chip cookies or oreos?

both are not vegan but if they would be probably chocolate chip i dont like oreos

3. are you still in school?

sadly yes i am and its stressing me

4. do you have a job or volunteer work?

not really i sometimes do errands for my moms cinema tho

5. Do you have any pets?

pets that are actually mine? at the moment not but im getting kittens soon

6. am i gonna finish this without making stupid questions?

no

7. trick question all these questions are pretty stupid

i am aware

8. do you like anime (wow such weeb)

i might like anime, youll never find out tho (yes)

9. do you like video games (wow such nerd)

i mean im totally not obsessed with little nightmares or anything

10. what temperature is it where u are?

well outside its like 0° C inside idk

11. whats ur level of weird

changbin

mari pt2

1. Whats good fam?

bye

2. Did you eat yet

its midnight, yes i ate a small dinner

3. What time is it?

00:09

4. are you tired?

nope

5. Still in school or nah?

yyes

6. are you a keyboard, cuz you’re my type *wink wonk*

thanks ur not (jk ily ur cool)

7. did you like that ^^

i love me some shitty pck up lines

8. So whatcha doin rn (besides this)

texting and listening to music

9. chocolate chip cookies or oreos

chocolate chip

10. do u got any pets

nope still not

11. mac n cheese or lasagna

both not vegan but probably lasanga

thanks my dear ela ily @incorrectfelix

if you could magically learn any language, real or fictional, which one would it be?

probably korean tbh

Do weekdays have a colour for you?

not really

If so, which ones?

nah

Sweet or savoury?

savoury

If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

having a movie night with all of my close friends i miss them a lot

What‘s your favourite haircolour?

black and brown probably, but ill also never say no to some good looking dyed hair thats lowkey washed out

Favourite kpop quote?

“My current boyfriend is Shownu and my next boyfriend will be Wonho” - I.M

Favourite type of weather?

snow and rain im all in for that cold wheather

What got you into KPop?

my friend back in 2014 and then mark lee

Do you have any ships? Which ones?

to many tbh, i love taegi? like sign me the fuck up. celara (thats the shipname of my siter and her girlfriend and i support it) , changlix, poly evryone and idk man i ship a lot of people

Describe a memory, any memory.

hi im about to share one of my favourite memories from this year with you, like it was a quite warm saturday evening and i was out with my friends and maybe a little drunk but we all were and we were just talking and honestly that was the moment i realised i love my friend so much i could never let go of them ( i like talking about memories so if anyone wanna know some of my fevourite memories im open to share them)

Favourite names?

i really like charlie, noah,nico, lee (yes i like my own names fight me) , finn, michael and lucas

thanks for tagging me @dabkingfelix

1: Do you prefer tea to coffee??

tea all the way coffee is way to bitter for me

2: When was the last time you laughed so hard that it hurt??

just now, bc my throat is sick but my friend send me a joke

3: List 3 things can be found in your room on a daily basis??

pens, clothes and pacifiers

4: What’s your favourite season??

fall and winter

5: If you were reborn, would you change your gender??

well i mean i am transgender so yea i guess i would

6: Who is your favourite fictional character??

probably lee jordan and fred and george

7: What was your dream job when you were a kid??

i always wanted to be an artist

8: What’s your favourite scent??

vanilla and cinnamon 

9: Name 3 personality traits you seek in other people??

honestly, loyality and creativity i guess??

10: Do you lick or bite ice cream??

god i dont know

11: Do you believe in horoscopes?

nope not really

thanks @thestraykidsfreak

1. Milk or cereal?

cereal

2. The group that got you into Kpop?

bts (and lowkey vixx) in 2014

3. Who’s your Stray Kids bias?

felix and changbin

4. A thing you really like about yourself? (appearance, character trait, whatever)

that i can draw well and that i get quite freckly in summer

5. Do you get along with your family?

i guess

6. Fave band that isn’t Kpop?

one ok rock lol (or pierce the veil, sue my emo ass)

7. Have you ever considered learning Korean?

yes im lowkey learning it but its on hold bc of school rn

8. What’s the last compliment you gave someone?

i like your eyes, they look as dead as u  (to my best friend. she might've hit me)

9. Have you ever changed your bias? And if, how often?

the only group where i actually changed my bias is seventeen where i went from jeonghan to woozi to the8

10. Do you have any nervous habits?

i scratch open my skin, i pick at my skin and i fidget

11. What made you get a tumblr account?

well this one the cereal debatte my actual first one? idk anymore tbh

thanks emma ur cool @straykidshizzle

1. What do you like most about your physique?

i like my nose and eyes

2. What is your biggest talent?

drawing probably

3. When do you feel the happiest?

when im with my friends

4. What is your favorite memory?

this year the moment i was outside with my friends where i thought wow im really glad i got all of you, in general a night between christmas and new year on my stepdads farm laying on my bed at night with my best friend listening to teneriffea sea by ed sheeran

5. What is your current homescreen background?

for my phone, felix for my laptop some random hot guys collarbones

6. If you got a free plane ticket to anywhere, where would you go?

probably korea, thats the place i wanna go most right now

7. What did you want to be when you were young(er)?

artist

8. How would you describe yourself?

im really bad at that but a highkey socially akward small shy boy that just wants to get accepted and doesnt know how to handle social situations

9. What’s the best thing that happened to you this week?

its monday night so i guess its my friend saying shell visit me tomorrow because im sick and my other friend who i thought didnt like me anyymore asking me to meet up on wednesday

10. Who is someone you really admire? (and why?)

lowkey my sister because she just does whatever she wants and my best friend because she does what she wants but shes still on top of her class and just wow i just really admire all of my friends (thats lowkey shitty tho bc that lowkey fucks with my mental state)

11. Who was the last person you hugged?

well, probably my mom or dad and except them lotte, a girl whos on my team that i drove home with together

thanks for all the tags man

my questions are:

1. whats your hogwarts house ? (slytherin im a snek)

2. cats or dogs ? (cats)

3. favorite star constellation ? (cygnus and the summer triangle)

4. kakao talk or line ? (kakao)

5. a stargazing date or a library date? (stargazing)

6. natrual or dyed hair (both but natural ig)

7. sexual orientation? (gay)

8. haikyuu or kuroko no basket or free (?yes im a whole weeb rip)

9. produce 101 season 1 or 2 ? (2)

10. girl groups or boy groups? (bg)

11. kermit or pepe? (kermit)

i tag : @fehlix,   @leader-chan, @dani-edgy, @ultiz; @jisxngie ; @f3lix-lee; @koalachris; @jenaipaidemots (what an url), @squishywoojin , @jeongn @felixsfreckles

if you dont want to or have already done it dont worry!

[backonefish]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION 2016

@paynner tagged me in this (i hope this is still her name :p). And I’m super excited to do this even if I really don’t have much to say. But anywho, here goes.

1. List of works published this year: 

A Whole New World

In a World Like This

(it hit me the minute I posted my second fic that both the titles were incredibly similar and it was too late too change. Le sigh. Tis life)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I know IAWLT was the more popular one, but I’m quite impartial to my first one, AWNW (what the hell are these acronyms? Is this what I get for naming fics after song titles?). It was the first one I wrote for the 1D fandom and it kind of took a life of its own. The minute I saw the prompt, the plot fell into place and I loved being able to write all the Disney into their banter. It was just so much fun to write. I don’t think I’ve written anything that has been that much fun and I kept having to tell myself to focus on actual life and not write.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Um… neither? I know I’m more proud of AWNW, so ergo, the other should be my least. But I really loved writing both and I’m quite proud of both. I mean they’re not literary masterpieces, but I liked them enough to publish… Having said that, there is still stuff I would like to change.

For AWNW, I still feel like the bet was a little too rushed and forced. I had to keep re-writing that part and wished I could’ve fleshed it out more. I also feel like I suck at endings, bc I get super into developing the plot and once I figure out how to end it, I rush into it so quickly and just want to be done. And then when I go back, I wish I had a full more bodied ending. I dunno if that makes sense, but it’s something I need to work on.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Can I pick two? I’m going to pick two. Both are from AWNW. (this part turned out to be quite long. sorreeee)

“I Just Can’t Wait to be King” is what wakes him up on Wednesday. It used to be what woke his parents up every day when he was a child and the Lion King was the best thing ever. Except he’s no longer a kid and karma’s a bitch.

Today when he drinks tea, he covers Simba’s face with a strategically placed thumb. He places the mug in the sink once he’s done, only to double back and place a kiss on Simba’s face. It’s really not Simba’s fault that his neighbour is an asshole who can’t respect sleeping hours.

That night, Louis stuffs his ears with cotton and hopes for the best.

---

On Thursday, hopes come true. For the first time that week, Louis is woken up by his alarm. Not some –

The angst filled notes of “Let it Go” comes thudding through the walls. Never mind then. Hopes are meant to be dashed.

---

It’s Friday and “Tale as Old as Time” is playing through his walls and really, being woken up every fucking day by a piano playing, Disney loving neighbour, is a tale as old as time. Tomorrow is Saturday. Surely, his neighbours understand the sanctity of a Saturday.

---

Surely he has been more wrong in his life? It’s currently 7:20 and Louis is lying in bed listening to a much improved version of “A Whole New World.” Neighbour #2 is getting better at this. Too bad the same can’t be said for Louis’ sleep.”

K, So I loved this bit bc I was quite proud with how things flowed. It was one of the first ideas that came to me about the fic and stylistically, I enjoyed the movement from one day to the next and the chance to incorporate the Disney songs into the transitions.

And

Perhaps he too should write a poem.

He pulls out a blank sheet of paper and chews his pen.

Harry. He’ll write a poem for Harry.

Hair that shines like a princess

No. He scratches that out and starts again. It’s still too soon.

Skin as soft as a petal

Hair as shiny as the sun

Eyes so – what rhymes with petal? Metal? Nettle? Kettle? Ah, yes. That will work.

Eyes as green as my kettle

Harry, you are my number one.

Dimples as deep as the sea

Lips that make me want to come

Heart as pure as can be

Harry, you are my only one.

Perfect. Literary genius, he is. This is Pulitzer Prize worthy. He rewrites the poem carefully on a fresh sheet of paper and then decorates it with hearts and flowers. He spends the rest of the day in eager anticipation for when he gives the poem to Harry.

Ten pm finally rolls around when Harry texts Louis to say that he’s home. Louis bounds over eagerly, knocking obnoxiously until Harry opens the door.

“Here,” he bypasses Harry’s greeting to thrust the poem taped to a bouquet of flowers he’d picked up on his way home.

“Lou,” Harry breathes, caught off guard, “What is this.”

“I wrote you a poem,” Louis points at the paper, rocking on his feet impatiently. “Read it.”

“Okay,” Harry says, floored. He places the flowers on the table and carefully pulls the poem free. He reads silently, lips mouthing along the words. When he’s done he looks at Louis, eyes wide and slightly teary.

“This is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me,” Harry says, voice wavering slightly.

“So you liked it?” Louis asks, shy all of a sudden.

“I loved it. Your kettle is very green,” Harry agrees.

Louis nods. He’s quite proud of that line. Harry reaches out to cup Louis’ jaw with one hand, poem still clutched tightly in his other.

“Your lips make me want to come too,” Harry whispers, leaning down.

This is my other favourite bc its so absurd. The poem is so bad. I love it. It’s crazy and stupid. It was the most ridiculous thing I could write and I did write it and it just worked with the nature of the fic. Also I could easily picture Larry being this ridiculous about shit (*cough* the wind makes nice waves) and being so in love with each other that they can’t see how bad it is. So yeah. These two pieces.

(also wow, apologies for all the grammatical errors in AWNW)

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Ahhh, I love every single kudo, like, bookmark and comment. I’m still flabbergasted that someone would take the time to appreciate my fic in any sense. So thank you.

If I had to pick one (im sorry if this is cheesy) but I loved the comment paynner left on IAWLT. I wrote it based on her prompt but never in a million years would I expect her to leave such a heartfelt comment on my fic. Like, she picked excerpts she liked and commented on it, promoted it on tumblr and then even proposed to me (I said yes). It honestly doesn’t get better than that. Forever grateful.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Oh… um right before I started writing Larry. I used to write for other fandoms and stopped bc I was no longer inspired? And just real life got in the way and I didn’t see the purpose of writing anymore.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

This is super tough. I want to say the Harry and Louis I wrote for AWNW. They’re both so ridiculous and over the top. I never imagined writing them like that and it actually working.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Well one, I started writing again, and two, I’m writing RPF and AUs which I never imagined id do. But moreover, I wrote more comedic, light hearted fluff. I used to write angst bc I get angst and it was what I always wrote. So coming back into a completely different genre was nerve-wracking but also so much fun and quite rewarding. I got to be sillier in my work, insert more of my thought process into the characters, and actually create worlds.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to return to angst next year, and write a longer fic. Mainly, commit to something long enough to actually write it. The last time I wrote a multi-chaptered fic, I was so tired by the end of it and was the worst at updating. So yeah, commit to writing, create a proper schedule to write, and all that jazz.

Oo I also really want to develop my side characters more. Make them more well rounded and bodied and more central to the plot.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Can I just say all the authors in this fandom have been a huge inspiration. I’ve been reading fic for the past year and a half and I’m always so incredibly floored by the variety, talent, and uniqueness of each fic. So, yeah, a huge thank you to everyone who has written.

I will pick out three (bc I love doing things in threes) who have definitely been a positive influence.

Zarah5 (I hope that wherever she is, she’s doing amazing.) Stylistically, the way she writes… wow. The ability to convey emotion and fears through actions and dialogue only, is so unique and I’m in awe of how she does it. Her plots are so detailed and nuanced and just pull me under (see what I did there? I can be punnier than harry). Also her sentence structure? She embodied the characters as the narrators so well and utilizes that into unique sentence structures. I’ve yet to see someone who can write in such a manner.

@alienproof so I’ve commented on chelsie’s work about how she creates atmosphere. You read her fics and you’re instantly pulled into the mood of the world. Finding Lou? The Wonderlands? Omh, the wonderlands. Guys, you don’t understand how much I love that fic. I’ve never waited that eagerly for a fic update in my life. Her Louis and Harry are so much older, but so well written, their fears and motives and dynamic. And the atmosphere. It always boils down to the atmosphere and I love it.

@paynner . duh. I adore her writing. ADORE. Her fics are the best pick-me-ups you could ever need. They’re so funny, so smutty, so unique. Also she’s this plethora of prompts and every time I come across one of them, I’m like ooo I want to write it. Obviously, I went and wrote one. So, literally, she’s been the most positive influence. But yeah, I love her mind, I love how well she writes and I LOVE how somethin’ bout you was so different than her usual style of writing but it works so well! I remember only realising who the author was bc princess isn’t subtle at all, but otherwise I got so sucked up in the world and the plot and the unique way the love/hate dynamic worked that I couldn’t even tell it was her. Oh, also – how the hell did she manage to write so much in a year? 

You people amaze me. And make me think, hey i should give this writing thing a shot too.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Lmao, my love for BSB? Im still amazed that I was able to insert them into a fic. I literally wrote three dates for Harry and Louis in IAWLT bc I wanted to write about the Backstreet Boys and then I went and named the fic after their song. Sue me, I’m trash for them.  

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write what you want. Write what’s fun. You’ll enjoy it more than if you try to write what other people want to read. Also write for fic exchanges bc it puts you on a deadline and provides you with prompts and gives you an automatic audience. (I guess this is mainly for newer writers, but I really have no new wisdom for experienced, established authors… )

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Oh… finishing for sure. I’m working on a med school, friends with benefits fic, set in Canada which is multi-chaptered bc why not bite off more than I can chew. The entire thing is planned out, but I’ve been stuck on the third chapter and life is a thing that refuses to be ignored… so yeah. Lets see. But I’d like to get it finished this year.

keep everything crossed

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@donotdialnine and @juliusschmidt who I’ve recently been reading again. So much love for their work. And @sadamenoito bc i’ve read all her fics a few too many times. Dunno if you’ve done it already, but if you haven’t….

*All answers should be about works published in 2016. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want. :)