#but a big fucking hole out of nowhere with a 2 foot drop seems like asking for trouble for everyone (including the tiny dog they had)

[mabith]

The absolute anger I feel towards people on this garden show who, when picking between two designs (both tailored to what they've said they want), choose the most unsuitable one is probably not healthy. You have a toddler and an almost-toddler and now you'll have a garden where there's no remotely open space for them to play, just paths between raised beds. Can't kick a ball around, can't throw a frisbee because of all these pergolas... The other design was so much more sensible (and still had lots of planting and would be easier to change once the kids are older).

[cozykozume]

Make Me Forget...

Tendou x f!Reader (18+)

After a stressful day at work, sometimes you need someone else to make you forget about the day you had. The method that Tendou likes to use is very effective...And enjoyable for both parties. 

Tags: Shameless smut, lots of pet names, hard fucking, fingering, f! receiving oral, like no plot just fucking.

Word count: 1900ish words (oops lol)

As you get home from work, you hear Tendou in your kitchen already making dinner. 

“Well hello there.” He says, smiling as you walk past him to get to your room. 

You try your best to muster up a smile, finding it hard after having such a long and tiring day. 

“Hey baby. I’m going to go change my clothes and I’ll be right out, okay?” You say quietly, already starting to remove your cardigan and unbutton your pants as you move close to your room. 

As you strip down to your bra and panties, looking around you mess of a room for clean clothes, you feel Tendou move into the space behind you. His long arms wrap around your waist, pulling you tightly against his chest as his long fingers move your hair away from your ear. 

“I know you had a long day today...So let me just take care of you, yeah?” He whispers, his other hand teasing up and down the outside of your thigh. 

You nod your head, closing your eyes as you let the feeling of his hands as well his voice so close to your ear consume your thoughts and senses. 

Tendou can feel you relax somewhat, smiling before moving his lips down to your neck and planting light kissing up and down it. He lightly grabs your waist, walking you forward until your toes and knees hit the edge of your bed. 

He moves one hand forward, teasing your clit from the outside of your panties while the other hand leisurely moves up toward your bra covered chest. You lean your head back, resting it on his shoulder as you feel the wetness starting to form between your legs. He slips his hand under your bra, capturing your nipple between two fingers and rolling it gently. Tendou uses his foot to nudge your ankles, signaling for you to spread your legs wider. 

As soon as your legs were open wide enough for him to fit his hand between them, he was pushing your panties to the side, running his warm long fingers up and down your dampening slip. The soft kisses he was once peppering along your neck have now moved to bites and deeper kisses, him sucking at your neck to make dark marks all along it, 

You grip one wrist with one hand while the other moves into his hair, running your nails along his scalp and pulling gently when he slowly sinks one long finger into your tight pussy. 

“Mmm you’re so wet for me already...and we’re just getting started..” He murmurs against your neck, moving down to drive his teeth into your shoulder. 

You let out a weak moan, your breathing beginning to speed up as he slips his middle and ring finger inside you. He uses his other hand to steady you, wrapping his arm around your torso and snaking it back up so he can lightly wrap it around your throat. 

Once he has you firmly in his grasp, he decides that he has given you ample time to warm up. You feel the fingers inside you curl just a bit as they start pumping faster and faster inside of you. Tendou tightens his grasp of your upper body, his hips starting to move, pushing his hard cock into the valley between the cheeks of your ass. You can’t help the small moans and whines that tumble from your lips and you feel your juices starting to run down your inner thighs, soaking the panties that you still had on.

As you get closer, your breathing becomes faster, taking smaller breathes to try and keep up with the pace of his fingers. Right as you feel yourself starting to slip off the edge, your orgasm right on the tip of your tongue, “Tendou I’m going t-..” You feel him remove his fingers from you, in an almost nonchalant way. 

Your eyes spring open, looking at him like he’s crazy as he looks up at you from where his head is resting on your shoulder. He brings his fingers up to his lips, slowly licking them clean as you stare at him in utter disbelief. 

“Wha-..But why..” You stutter, looking at him as you feel the wetness in your eyes starting to form. 

“Shh shh shh pretty girl...I said I was going to take care of you, didn’t I?” He says using one hand to push push each side of your panties down until they finally fall to the ground. 

He unwraps his other arm before pushing you forward. You catch yourself, bent over and exposed to him as he stands back and just stares at your glistening hole. You finally look back at him, knowing that he is just starting and feeling embarrassed. What you didn’t expect to see was Tendou Satori with his sweats and boxers pushed down just enough to release his cock, his hand wrapped around it and slowly pumping while he is staring at you. The hunger in his eyes was enough to have your wet cunt drooling and clenching around nothing. He smirks, seeing your body’s reaction before stepping forward, crouching down and shoving his face straight into your sopping mess, tongue immediately pushing itself into you. 

You let out a moan, surprise and pleasure all mixed into one as Tendou just goes to town on your pussy. His tongue flicking and lapping at your little cunnie and clit, while his lips attach onto your clit and suck softly, causing your legs to shake and your head to drop to the bed. 

This causes your back to arch, giving him even more room to slide his long fingers deep inside you. 

“Mmm fuck you taste so fucking good.” He says loudly, slapping your ass with his free hand before standing up and spreading the slick on his fingers onto his thick cock. 

“Oh baby when you cum, its going to feel so fucking good, I promise..” He says before lining himself up and slowly pushing inside. 

You love the sweet burn of his cock stretching you out after a long day. You let out a low quiet moan, your cunt sucking him in deeper and deeper, Tendou grabbing your hips and pulling you flush against him as he bottoms out. He stays still as you adjust, your pussy pulsing around him as he throbs inside you. He takes this chance to push down his pants and pull off his shirt, tossing them to the side before he gives you a few little test thrusts. 

He leans over his chest glued to your back as he whispers in your ear, “Alright princess, this is all about you so make sure you let me know what you want….” You nod your head, barely able to get your voice out steadily as he begins a slow steady pumping in and out of you, “I want it hard...an-and deep..” 

You gasp as he slams his hips forward, driving himself into you harder in deeper as if to show you he is listening. You smile slightly at this, whispering as you let your head hang down, “Satori...make me forget about today…” 

You weren’t sure if he heard you at first, until he runs his hand down your leg, lifting it up onto the bed and helping you to kneel on the edge. He puts his hand in the middle of your back, fingers spread out as he pushes your top half half against the bed. He brings one foot up onto the edge of the bed next to you, leaning further over you and putting more pressure on your back, pushing you further into the mattress. Using the leverage he has now, Tendou starts ramming his hips forward, knocking the air out of your lungs each time he bottoms out inside of you. 

You let out breathless moans, feeling his cock kissing your depths over and over again as you shove your face further into the blankets on your bed to hide the sounds and faces you’re making. You can hear Tendou behind you, grunting and moaning loudly each time he slams into you. 

He takes the hand that was in the middle of your back to slap your ass, causing tingles to shoot up your spine as he doubles his efforts. He takes a few seconds to grab your hips in both his hands before moving his other foot into the edge of the bed, and jackhammering into you. 

“Fuck baby...I’ll make you forget about your day..” He moans loudly, pounding you into your bed over and over again. “God just look at how good you take it...Takin my big fat cock…” He says between moans and grunts as his thrusts become more focused. 

You slip your hand down between your legs, quickly rubbing your clit as tears slip out of your eyes. 

“Tori! Ple-..Please don’t stop!” You cry out, moaning loudly as he reaches down with one hand, grabbing your hair to pull your head up and to the side. 

“Fuck let me see it baby. Cum all over me.” He moans out, pulling your hair harder as your little cunt starts convulsing around him. Your body goes limp, jerking as each muscle in your body is hit with the effects of your orgasm. From the tips of your toes, to each of your fingers and to the top of your head. You feel as if your blood is on fire as you cry out, begging Tendou not to stop as this feeling seems to last forever. 

At last you hear him behind you, whiny moans falling from his lips as his hips fall out of the steady rhythm and he starts coming inside you. 

“Mmm princess, milk my cock just like that..” He says, his head falling back as his hand releases your hair and moves back down to your hip, pulling you back flush against him. You feel his seed filling you up, mixing with your juices as they start to spill out with nowhere else to go once you are completely filled. 

Tendou pulls out as you collapse on the bed, your breathing finally starting to slow down. You can feel him behind you, pulling your ass cheeks apart to watch his cum slowly spilling out of your abused pussy. 

“God...I love the way this looks…” He whispers, smiling to himself as he uses 2 fingers to scoop some of cum up and push it back inside you. “Mmm princess you’re being so wasteful with this gift I gave you…” 

You smirk, too tired and fucked out for a witty comeback, “mmm shut up Tori.” You once hear him laugh softly before he is off to the bathroom, running the water for you to relax in the bath while he finishes dinner. “Alright alright..” He says as he pops his head back into your bedroom. “I have the bath going for you. Get up and go take a bath. By the time you’re done, I’ll have dinner ready and on the table for you. Yes?” 

You smile at him, nodding your head. “Mhm. Thank you baby. I love you” You whisper. 

He blushes, always so shy and modest when it comes to those 3 little words. “I love you too princess.” 

[ace-jug]

Richie and The Rabbit Hole (3)

Part: (1) (2)

Summary: When everyone goes back to their lives after Pennywise, Richie doesn’t. He stays in Derry and finds a portal that leads back to 1989, only a few months after the loser club “defeated” Pennywise the first time.Using the help of the younger losers, adult Richie goes back in time to fix all the wrong that Pennywise caused when he came back the second time.

Relationship: Richie/Eddie

Rating: M

Current Word Count: 18,213

Read on Archive: x

Chapter 3: Fall Inside the Rabbit Hole Again

As Richie climbs down into the cavern, the rest of the losers follow. It’s damp and the rotting smell only gets worse the closer they get towards the bottom.

 "Eddie, I didn't know your mom lived in the sewer," young Richie teases Eddie. "It smells like someone farted and honestly I don't know anyone that could make it smell like this other than the beloved Mrs.K"

 "Fuck you Richie, we’re about to fight a killer clown, couldn’t you be a little more serious?" Eddie hisses.

 “Nope, that’d be no fun.”

Future Richie ignores himself, trying to concentrate on the task before him. He has to hold his breath halfway down the hole, because young Richie was right, it does smell awful and kind of like shit. It also smells like someone died down there, which doesn’t make the uneasy feeling in the pit of Richie’s stomach go away. He feels like he may have a panic attack, but he holds his breath and tries his best to stay brave, and as he climbs quickly down, it isn’t long until future Richie starts hearing things. 

 He hears a giggle, clearly Pennywise, and he looks down, making sure the clown wasn’t ready to swallow him whole.

 Well, he probably was, but he wasn’t directly underneath him, so that meant something. 

He tries to ignore it, but the laughing gets louder, more demonic, and he can hear it, Pennywise’s voice taunting him like the little fucker he is. 

He can feel the hatred burning in the clown’s voice. It’s rough, wanting, and desperate. He can almost hear the drool escaping from the monster’s mouth, as he awaits for his food to arrive. 

Pennywise probably heard them when they started climbing down. Richie can tell by the fact that this is the first he’s hearing Pennywise and he readies his gun just in case. 

 Once he’s fully down inside the cavern,he’s immediately greeted by a dancing clown, which he isn’t really surprised by. He’s not entirely in front of him. He’s a couple feet away and he’s smiling. He’s no longer laughing, but he’s drooling, like he’s hungry, which Richie knows he is. He could hear the gurgling of salvia in his voice as he was climbing. It was honestly quite nasty.

Richie glares at him as he watches the pathetic clown dance, quite awfully Richie must add and he notices he’s the only one down there, the rest of the losers are still coming down the hole. 

Pennywise doesn’t let all the losers down before he’s lunging in front of future Richie who immediately shoots him, not once, but twice, and three, before he uses the gun as a spacer between Pennywise’s teeth and his face. 

He can feel the spit from the monsters mouth on his face and hands come out from his mouth, grabbing towards him, loosely holding the gun, but Richie has seen this before. He pushes back, strong, and tries his best to keep his footing. 

Bill comes down shortly after and he doesn’t even hesitate to take his spear, running it through the clown’s face, leaving him to falter back for a second, and soon the rest of the loser’s finally make it out of the hole. 

Richie shoots the clown again, right above its eye, which only seems to aggravate it, and the monster doesn’t take long in transforming itself. Spider legs grow from its body in all directions, tearing out from it’s flesh. It’s teeth somehow grow wider too, but it’s still smaller than the spider thing that Richie saw just mere days ago. 

For one, there is a lot less room, so the monster didn’t have enough room to fully transform, but Richie can tell it’s weaker and he smiles, because he knows he can do this, they could do this. 

“Richie, is that you?” The clown laughs, as it grabs the spear from it’s head. It takes a moment, as the noise of ripping flesh is audible, and part of the clown’s head is cracked. Richie remembers that look better than the others. The clown is fading, IT is dying, and they had barely even started.

“Oh, Richie, you made these poor pathetic losers fall for your lame plan, didn’t you?” The clown says mockingly, letting the spear come out from it’s head with a pop, and letting it drop to the floor. IT then uses its legs to walk up the wall and onto the ceiling.

The losers try to jab it, but to no avail and Richie shoots again. IT smiles wider, teeth baring.

“You can’t kill me, I’m immortal Richie. You’re nothing but a forgotten son, aren’t you Richie?”

“Shut up!” Older Richie yells, shooting him again, and he tries his best to not think of what ‘forgotten son’ means. 

“Poor Richie never grew up with a father, did he? Never pays attention to his son. That’s why you’re a faggot, isn’t it Richie?” The clown says and Richie shoots again, don’t let it get to you. Don’t let it get to you. It’s okay. 

“Oh, shucks, I just told your secret, didn’t I Richie? You know what happens to boys like you, don’t you Richie?”

He shoots again and the other losers stare, not sure what to do in this moment. Richie doesn’t even think of his ‘secret’, somehow he doesn’t even really care that anyone knows. All he cares about is killing this clown and saving his friends. 

“Time to float Richie,” the clown yells, a second mouth coming out of it’s main one, to try and attach itself to Richie.

Older Richie shoots again, once, twice, and just like that he’s already out of bullets. He swore under his breath, as he hits the gun with the palm of his hand, and the mouth only gets closer. 

He gulpes, trying to shoot again and again, but nothing works. Luckily, right before the mouth can attach itself to Richie, younger Richie takes his spear and runs it through the flesh that connects the smaller mouth to the clown. "Fuck you asshole!" Younger Richie screams and the mouth yanks, but doesn’t quite reach older Richie, and just as soon as IT came, it’s laughing again and jumping from the ceiling to the floor.

The losers rush out of the way and Stan, along with Mike find themselves running to the wide open cavern.

“Guys, wait,” older Richie yelled, trying to warn them, but it’s too late, they’re already there, and the clown moves, makes itself small enough to fit in the space.

Richie tries to catch up with it, to get it while it’s still small, but to no avail. By the time he reaches the cavern, Pennywise is growing again, and even though he doesn’t get as big as last time, he’s still intimidating

“I’ve been hungry. How’d you know, Richie? It was so nice of you to get me a snack,” Pennywise mocks him and he huffs. He’s not sure how Pennywise knew it was him, but Pennywise seems to know a lot and he tries to not let it phase him.

He looks around for the others, but doesn’t see anyone. He’s the only one currently in the cavern and somehow he feels like maybe he’s the only one not being played with. 

....

Beverly tries to breathe, she feels like she’s suffocating, and she’s having a panic attack. The room is quickly flooding with blood and she’s screaming. She’s in that stall again, the one where Greta had taunted her while she was taking a smoke break. The blood is flowing through the bottom and she steps on top of the toilet, trying to get away from the blood, but it’s rushing in fast, it only takes a few seconds for the blood to get halfway up the toilet. 

Then out from the blood, her father emerges, covered head to toe, and his sickly yellow teeth come out from behind his smile.  “Beverly, my little girl, you look just like your mother,” her father says, putting his hands on her face,and putting his thumb on her lips. He smiles creepily at her and he’s strong, really strong, but she flinches away, kicking him with as much muster as she can, so that he stumbled onto the floor, blood flowing over his body until he's gone, blood moving so fast that it starts to cover her feet. She yells again and Ben hears her.

The walls are inclosing on him and it's rough against his belly. He feels like he’s being squeezed open and he hears laughing. Beverly’s laugh. “I could never like a fat boy! I could never like a fat boy! You’re getting squeezed like a blueberry fat boy! If only you’d given up that chocolate bar, then you wouldn’t die!” She laughs again and Ben tells himself, it’s not real. It’s not real.

He ignores fake Beverly’s laugh for a second and puts his hands over his ears. He feels like he’s probably going to die, which only makes him cry. The walls close in further and it scrapes at his shirt, ripping it, and it goes even far enough to start a small cut so that he starts bleeding. He hisses, trying his best to ignore the pain. 

You’ve got to be brave. You’ve got to be brave, Ben continuously thinks, and then he hears it. Beverly is screaming and then he’s pushing. He’s pushing the walls away hard, he has to move, he has to save Beverly.

The walls start to move away, not by much, but enough so that he can climb up. He takes the steps, he tries to breathe and not suffocate. The walls still enclose him, his foot gets stuck, but he lets his shoe fall to the floor, and he can see the opening. He’s almost there. 

Then, just like that, he sees Beverly and then he’s grabbing her hand and they land on a thud on the floor. Pennywise is nowhere to be seen.

Ben’s relieved, he can feel breathe, and he's looking at Beverly with admiration in his eyes. He hugs her, holds her tight, letting out a sigh of relief. 

Thank god she's alive, he thinks, and when he looks at her, she's smiling at him, and he suddenly feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. 

"Your hair is winter fire," he thinks out loud. 

"January embers. My heart burns there too," she says, eyes glowing, and she kisses him. It’s short, much like the kiss when Ben saved Beverly from the deadlights, but it was sweet, and Ben can taste her vanilla chapstick. 

When they part, Ben is beaming and Beverly mimics him, giving him a reassuring smile. They stare at each other for a moment, before they hear a scream, Stanley’s scream, and then Ben takes Beverly’s hand, so that they’re running to the noise together.

It’s not far from where they’re at and once they get there, they see Judith. The lady that was sucking on Stan’s face mere months ago, that almost killed him and she’s hovering over Stan, Stanley holding up his fence post awkwardly in front of him.

He cowers in fear in front of them, and he closes his eyes for a second, accepting his fate. He knew he was the weakest link. He knew it. He should have never agreed to come down here and now he was going to die; but nothing comes.

He doesn’t feel the breath on his face anymore, so he opens his eyes, seeing Pennywise’s foaming mouth over Beverly, a spear already lodged into its chest.

“I will eat your soul and shit it out Beverly,” Pennywise spits at her, black sludge dripping from it’s lips onto Beverly’s shoes. She’s shaking and Ben is putting an arm in front of her, as to tell Pennywise to back the fuck off. 

They stand like that for a moment and Stan doesn’t know what to do. He’s afraid. Really afraid and he almost died, but seeing Beverly and Ben in danger like that awakens something in him, so he takes the spear in his hand and lunges it into Pennywise’s back, two spears now sporting through. 

It falters and more black sludge drops from it’s mouth, and it burns Ben’s arm.

He takes his arm away in a hurry and swears under his breath as he sees the scar on his arm blister.

Pennywise steps back and away from the three teens, letting its arms grow again, as it transforms itself back into a spider.

.....

Eddie and young Richie hold each other tightly as they look underneath them. The floor is caving in and they’re on a small platform. Eddie is crying and Richie is trying his best to not let his feelings get the best of him. He wants to be brave, he does, and it isn't real, but it feels so real that he can't help but tremble at the sight of the ground beneath him.

Eddie can barely see the bottom, it looks as far as the cliff by the quarry, except this time, there isn’t any water, it’s the strong cavern ground. 

Another part of the floor breaks, leaving them both to squeal loudly and Richie is basically carrying Eddie now. He can barely hold on. His feet are slipping and he’s hyperventilating. This isn’t real, this isn’t real. 

Another section falls and Richie puts his feet together as close as possible, Eddie is slipping from his grasp and he’s screaming.

“Richie, help me, Richie,” Eddie yelps, trying to hold on to Richie tightly, but the thing is Richie isn’t that strong and yes Eddie is small for his age. He’s smaller than Richie and Richie can hold him up, but the longer it goes on, the harder it is to keep Eddie from falling. He doesn’t have the room to try and reposition themselves. He barely has two feet on the platform. 

“Eddie, I’m sorry, I’m trying Eddie, I’m trying.” Richie yells. 

He tries to hoist Eddie up again, but it doesn’t work, because he slips, then they’re both falling on the ground.

It’s not as high up as either was believed it to be, but they fall far enough for them to both land on the ground and pass out. 

......

Bill looks Georgie in the eye as he shoots him for the second time. 

“You really think-k-k I would fall for that again?” Bill says, laughing, then he smirks at Pennywise, who was in front of him now. 

“I’m not scared of you. You know that and I think that scares you,” Bill says, taking his spear for the second time and lodging it into the monster’s throat. 

Pennywise backs up and out of the basement, trying it’s best to find the energy to move.Then the illusion disappears and Bill sees Pennywise as the spider in the middle of the cavern. 

.....

“Mike, help me!” His mother screams, body on fire, as she goes to grab Mike’s hand. Mike walks backwards, and he feels like he might pass out. His mother is clearly looking at him and she’s scared, really scared, and all Mike wants to do is grab her hand, pull her out, but it’s not real, he knows it isn’t.

His mother falls on the floor then, weeping. “Mike, please, I’m dying. Mike, baby, I love you!” She screams and her skin is bubbling, she’s weak, barely moving.

“Mike!” She screams and Mike closes his eyes, tears falling from his eyes, trying his best to stay standing. He feels weak and he hears her yell his name again, so he puts his hands over his ears.

“MIKE! MIKE! MIKE!”

He trembles, hoping for it to end, but it doesn’t. She keeps yelling his name and he falls to his knees. 

He’s whimpering, curled into himself, and if it couldn’t get any worse, he hears his dad’s voice too.

“Mike, help us!” He hears and the thoughts rush through again. He misses his parents so much, so much that it kills him, and here he is seeing them again, dying in front of him. He wants so badly to end the pain. He wants them back and he has to remind himself that he couldn’t save them. They were gone. It happened a long time ago and he had to accept that Pennywise was just trying to torment him and yes, it was working. 

“Please stop,” he whispers, shaking, and then he hears a chuckle. “I can bring them back,” Pennywise says. “Let him help us,” his mother says and he shakes his head, "he'll bring us back Mike." He lets it torment him for a minute before he can’t take it anymore.

“You’re not my mother,” he says, taking out his gun and piercing her in the head, then he goes over to his dad, whose eyes are piercing and full of fear, but he knows it isn’t real, so even when he hears his dad mutter his name again, he does the same to his father too. 

Once he fires into his dad’s head, he turns on his heel, runs away and fast, not looking back, until he’s met with Stanley, Beverly, and Ben.

....

Future Richie feels like he’s lost Pennywise for a second and he keeps on alert as he searches for either him or any of the other losers.

I hope they’re okay, he thinks as he makes his way around the cavern and then he sees it.

It's a door and it's labelled 'scary'. The other two doors that are usually present are not there, which Richie already knows is weird. He takes a moment to look around, deciding whether or not to let himself open the door. 

He thinks it's a bad idea, but at curiosity blooms inside his chest, he takes the knob in his hand, and when he opens it, adult Eddie is standing there, chest wound and blood oozing from his mouth. "Richie, I-" he says, blood flowing and dripping onto the ground. Eddie’s skin is bruised and he even has the stab wound on his cheek. Richie leaves the door open, shocked, he doesn't move, and he forgets everything for a moment. 

“You’re a faggot, that’s gross,” Eddie says, blood bubbling from his mouth as he talks. “You’re so gross Richie. It’s so gross how obsessed you are with me,” he says, smiling at him, more blood oozing from his mouth.

“You aren’t real,” Richie says after a few seconds, but he doesn’t seem so sure, he asks it more as a question than anything. He doesn’t even take a step back, not yet. 

He smirks. “I’m so real that you came all the way back to save me. You’re so pathetic Richie,” Pennywise Eddie says and Richie takes a deep breath, taking a step back, going to close the door, but Eddie holds it open, taking a step out, so Richie takes a step back.  

It takes only a few seconds before adult Eddie is shaking violently, black ooze drips from his mouth, similar to 13 year old Eddie popping up from the cushion and Richie stares, eyes wide. Then, Eddie is transforming, first with a clown leg, then an arm, and then Pennywise is looking at him. Richie doesn’t have a weapon, but he still stares at Pennywise in determination, he doesn't back down, because he's not scared. He won't be. 

Pennywise doesn’t move for a moment, only stares, till IT opens its mouth wide, and just like that, he’s in the deadlights again. 

.....

Bill finds future Richie dangling in the air by an open mouthed Pennywise. He’s unmoving, mouth ajar, and Pennywise’s mouth is shining, it’s bright and Bill shakes his head. He’s not sure what to do. He no longer has his spear and he doesn’t know where any of the other losers are. He looks around, trying to find a weapon, but the best he could do is throw a rock.

So that’s what he does. Doesn’t even think for a second before he throws the rock as hard as he can at the creature and yells “ROCK WAR!”

He doesn’t stop, picking up rock after rock and Ben, Beverly, Stan, and Mike follow suit, throwing rocks from every direction. 

One directly hits Pennywise in the throat and the lights stop shining, dropping future Richie to the ground. 

IT stalks toward Bill in a blind rage, his spider body growing bigger again, trying to pierce him with his spider legs, but it doesn’t work, Bill moves quickly, and the rocks don’t stop hitting Pennywise.

IT grumbles, looking around as rock after rock hits him all across his spider clown body. 

“You’re just a stupid clown!” Stanley yells at him. “Yeah, just a stupid fucking clown!’ Beverly yells, hitting another rock at Pennywise. He shrivels a little, dizzy, and when all hope is lost for our dear old clown, he spots two fainted forms on the ground. 

He smirks, trembling towards the two boys who were still asleep, and as he approaches, the clicking of his spider feet awake Eddie. His eyes open and close for a few seconds, fluttering open. He’s dizzy, he has a faint headache, and his body hurts all over.

He grumbles, sitting up lazily, and looking up, he sees a spider clown running, or I guess stumbling towards him. His eyes widen and he goes to stand up, but his legs hurt so bad, that he barely gets himself into the crouching position.

When Pennywise is only a few feet away, he gets himself up in a limp. He’s pretty sure he sprained his ankle and when he’s ready to run or more or less, limp away, he notices Richie lying on the ground next to him,

Fuck. 

Eddie looks frantically between the clown and Richie, knowing he didn’t have much time. His friends were still throwing rocks, but soon Bill runs out of rocks, and the rocks thrown by the other four are getting a lot smaller.

They keep yelling at him, calling him names, and Pennywise is growing smaller, but he’s still smirking. Still has the eyes set for murder as he puts Eddie in the deadlights too.

Everyone goes silent for a second, looking frantically for more rocks, and running towards the middle, where the rocks that were thrown before were.

Eddie looks deep into the lights, unable to breathe, and he starts floating up. Lost in the shine so deep and Pennywise stalks closer.

Like fate would decide it, Richie wakes up too, with a dull headache, and he sees Eddie floating in front of him, Pennywise’s light shining on him. Richie doesn’t look, but he pulls on Eddie, trying to get him to come down, as Bill finds one of the spears and throws it at the back of the IT’s head. 

IT stumbles and the light stops shining, which leaves Eddie to stop floating and Richie is able to carry him down, laying him down on the ground, trying to wake him up.

He shakes him frantically, which doesn’t work, because the smaller boy doesn’t even move.

Richie looks behind him, he sees that Pennywise is pretty distracted right now, but that doesn't mean for long. 

He shakes Eddie again, “come on Eddie!” he yelled, slapping at his face and pushing on his chest, but nothing happens, and he remembers Ben.

When Beverly was in the deadlights, Ben kissed her and she woke up. 

This can not be happening, Richie thinks for a moment before sighing. 

He decides to first kiss him on the cheek, and then went straight to yelling in Eddie’s ear.

“I FUCKED YOUR MOM! COME ON EDS! YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE ASS!” 

Richie waits, hoping that the insulting would somehow get Eddie riled up enough to wake up, like he could hear him. He’s expecting to have to try and kiss him on the lips or possibly bring Beverly over to kiss Eddie. 

However, Eddie opens his eyes seconds later, he’s in a daze for the second time in the course of 5 minutes, his head now pounding.

“What?”

“Oh, thank fuck you’re okay,” Richie says, hugging him, and Eddie surprised, takes a few seconds before he wraps his arms around his friend too.

He holds him, holds him because he knows he almost just died, and he’s still here, somehow. Still here with Richie and even though he wants to continue the moment, the reunion is quickly ruined. 

Pennywise’s spider leg comes up like a flash and goes to stab the two boys on the ground in the chest.

Eddie rolls with Richie, letting the spider leg crush the rock next to them, and then the leg comes down again, leaving them to roll again.

They scream and Richie is crying, as they dance with the clown. It laughs at them, continuing to try and step on them, until more rocks are thrown again.

“You’re just a bully!” Ben yells, “a fucking stupid bully!” Mike chirps. “A bitch!” Stan yells.

“You’re a clown!” Bill pipes up, throwing another rock, and Pennywise stops. Looking at the five losers in front of him.

“You’re just a stupid clown,” Beverly yells, chucking a rock at the monster too.

They all glare at him, determined and his face starts to wrinkle. He looks worn and when he speaks, he sounds like an elderly chainsmoker. 

“You-u-u c-a-n’t defeat me! I’m i-m-mortal. You see, I’ll be-e back! I always come back!” It yells, but it doesn’t seem to be confident, they can all tell it’s scared. 

Pennywise scrambles, unsure of what to do, he knows he's about to be met with his demise, and then he sees him. His last chance of survival or even revenge would be something at this point. 

“You can’t defeat me! Not without your future boy!” It yells and they all look at him confusingly for a second before they see future Richie, only a few steps away from Pennywise. 

Pennywise laughs, even though he’s shriveling, and he takes a few steps back to be next to future Richie, who is still asleep. 

“He’ll die! If you don’t let me go he’ll die! HAHAHA. There is no way for you to save him,” Pennywise yells, taking one of his spider legs up, so it would rest on future Richie’s belly.

“He knew he was risking your lives, but he didn’t care! You see! He’s selfish! You’re all just selfish little brats!” IT is talking hysterically now and IT tries it’s best to not falter. 

“You know what happens to boys like you, don’t you Richie?” The monster laughs, digging his leg a little further into older Richie’s belly. It hasn’t quite went through to hurt any organs, but he’s bleeding, even if it’s not by much.

The losers stare, unsure of what to do, and when Pennywise laughs again, Eddie screams and tackles the wrinkling clown to the ground. 

“You’re just a fucking stupid clown! A clown! You can’t hurt us, you fucking bastard!”

Pennywise fumbles, falling to the ground. He looks like an inflated ball with a clown face, small spider legs on its sides and the other losers pull at them, until he’s nothing but a beating heart in a sack of wrinkled flesh. 

Eddie is the first to dive into his chest, not thinking of the germs, or anything, and so do the other losers. Then, with the monsters beating heart in all their small pubescent hands, they rip it apart, till it’s shattered in a million pieces. The clown fades into different pieces and the cavern starts crumbling, rocks falling from the sky.

“We gotta go!” Mike yells, running towards the hole, and so do most of the other losers, until they remember Richie.

Younger Richie, Eddie, and Beverly ran to him, he’s fluttering his eyes open, obviously still recovering from the deadlights and they all tug at him at the same time.

He mumbled, “I’m awake, I'm awake,” but he’s still lying on the ground and he’s heavy. The place is collapsing around them and they need to get him out. 

“Get up! Get up!” Beverly yells, as they try to hoist him up again, and that’s when younger Richie takes things into his own hands, he bitch slaps his older self, completely waking the adult up. 

“Owe, what the fuck?” Older Richie yells, looking around himself, seeing the crumbling cavern around him.

“What happened?” He asks and the three pull at him again.

“Later. Come on, we have to go,” Beverly yells and yeah, okay, that sounded like a good idea. 

He finally gets himself up and he goes to start running, but he sees younger Richie and Eddie behind, grasping onto each other as they tried to walk. It was easy to see that younger Richie was sore and Eddie’s ankle was most definitely sprained.  

So, he carried Eddie on his back, and pulled Richie up by his belly. It was honestly kind of awkward and he was too out of shape for this, but luckily both teens were skinny and short.

He lifted Richie as far as he could up so that the boy could start climbing up the hole and he found himself pushing younger Richie, as he climbed with Eddie on his back.

He was exhausted and the grumbling only got worse as they continued to run. Richie’s body felt like it was on fire. He was on hyperdrive as he carried both teens to the well and that’s when he didn’t know what to do.

The rope to climb up the well. How were they supposed to do it? 

Young Richie tried first, barely able to move and as he struggled, their surroundings only got worse, and the losers had to pull Richie up by the rope. Same went with Eddie and once older Richie got onto the rope, the sewer water started splashing and he could tell it was caving in, so he grabbed the rope in a hurry, pulling himself so fast, that his old PE teacher would have been proud and carrying both boys in opposite arms, basically falling out the front door, past the fence, and onto the ground. 

The whole place collapsed in front of them and okay, maybe in the first timeline trying to carry adult Eddie wouldn’t have worked, because even with two conscious hurt boys, he barely got them out. Literally got out on the skin of his teeth and man, if he used an inhaler, he could really use one right now. He can barely breathe and he feels like the wind has been knocked out of him. 

“I can’t believe we did it,” Stan said smiling. “We won guys! We’re alive, holy shit!”

“Barely,” young Richie says. “I feel like I've broken every bone in my body,” he says as he weeps on the ground. 

“I lost my inhaler down there,” Eddie whispers, taking deep breaths, like maybe he’s about to have an attack. 

“Do I need to go to the pharmacy?” Bill asked and Eddie shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t need it. I don’t think I ever did.”

“I lost my shoe,” Ben adds and it’s silent for a second, until Eddie chuckled, and everyone else smiles. 

“Oh my god,” adult Richie says, trying to comprehend the situation and calm his breathing. He’s alive. He took his second chance and it worked, or at least that’s the way it seemed. They won and they all lived. Richie had carried almost 200 lbs of boy from down in the cavern and he’s honestly surprised he was able to do it. He’s pretty sure it was pure adrenaline, because now his arms and legs felt like noodles. 

“Are you okay?” Mike asked adult Richie and he shook his head, because no he was not okay. He just possibly changed the future and he’s also never been more winded in his life.

“Yeah, I just-” he took a deep breath, “I just need to rest,” another breath “second.”

“Okay,” Mike said, looking at the rest of the losers, who all breathless, smiled at each other. 

“We’re gonna be okay,” Beverly said, smiling as she grabbed Bill’s and Ben’s shoulders, hugging their sides.

“Yeah,” Bill said. “We are.”

“You’re not stuttering Bill,” Stan noted and Bill smiled.

“No, I guess not.”

“Okay, I think I can breathe now,” future Richie said with a cough, “but I might need a water before I leave.”

Beverly nodded. “I think we all need water.”

“I’ll get us some,” Ben said. “Just meet back at the club house.”

The losers nodded, but Eddie shook his head, still lying on the ground.

“I can’t, my mom will kill me.”

“You survived the last time, didn’t you?” Older Richie asked, remembering the last time they fought IT and how Eddie had been gone for 24 hours straight. This time he’d only been gone for a few. It wasn’t even quite curfew yet.

Eddie didn’t say anything and younger Richie looked over at him.

“Come on, if you don’t go, then you won’t be able to hear mine and Mrs.K’s wedding story.”

“You’re so gross,” Eddie said, sitting up, and groaning.

“I can get you a brace too, if you want Eddie,” Ben said and Eddie nodded.

“That would be wonderful,” and just like that Ben was gone. The rest of the losers made their way to the club house and it didn’t take long for Ben to arrive with a gallon of water, glasses, and a foot brace. 

“I just wanted to say how proud I am of all of you,” older Richie perches up after taking a few sips of water. “You all fought hard down there and we did it, we defeated IT. The same way we did in 27 years, except this time, we all made it, and I couldn’t be happier.”

The losers smile and Beverly brings up her glass. 

“Let’s cheers to Richie,” she says, and the other losers put their glasses up to.

“To Richie?”

“To Richie.”

He smiles, taking another sip from his glass. “Thanks guys. You're the best.”

Richie sits for a moment, watches the other losers mingle for a minute, before he realizes he should probably get back.

Except maybe, he should talk to them first, but preferably alone. There was some advice he needed to give before he went. 

“Hey, so I think I’m going to go,” older Richie starts, “but I think it might be best to talk to you all first. Alone.”

The losers look at him and nod.

“Alright,” Beverly says, “who first?”

Richie looks around, knowing he wants to talk to himself last, so he points to Bill. 

All the losers leave the clubhouse giving them their space and Richie thinks for a second. Wondering what to tell Bill that might help.

He thinks of what to say, because Bill was successful. He had a wife and as far as he was aware, Bill was alright. Well, as alright as he could be with the curse of Pennywise and losing his brother. 

There was one thing though. One thing that he felt Bill might need. 

"I'm not sure how to say this, but I wanted you to know that Georgie would be proud. So proud of you and even if we couldn't save him. You saved our friends and most of all, you saved me and I could not be more grateful."

Bill nodded, "Thanks Richie. Thanks for everything," he smiles and pulls future Richie in a hug.

The hug is short and sweet, much like the conversation, but future Richie didn’t have that much to offer Bill, but somehow he felt like it still meant a lot to the boy. 

...

Richie goes through the rest of the losers. He tells Beverly to understand her worth and that "we accept the love we think we deserve", but she deserves the world and to accept no less than that. He tells Ben it gets better if he keeps fighting. He tells Stanley he's proud of him and that he's strong. Lastly, he tells Mike to get the fuck out of Derry. 

Now, he's sitting in a room alone with Eddie who doesn't even let him start before he's asking him a question. 

"Do I end up alone?" He asked quietly, nervously fiddling with his fingers. 

"No," Richie says, "no, in my timeline you're married." 

"Then why did you laugh before?" Eddie asks seriously, looking as if he's about to choke. 

"I uh, listen Eddie, it's nothing. I just-, don't marry someone you don't love. Let's leave it at that."

"No, I'm not just going to "leave it at that.” I need to know Rich. Otherwise I'll spend my whole life in fear of being married or just being in a relationship in general. I saved your life back there you know. You owe me an answer, just this one. Who do I get married to in the future and why did you laugh?"

Richie sighed, wondering how far he should take this. I mean, he wasn't even sure if he didn't love Myra or not. He thinks Eddie was leaving Myra, but it was hard to tell. It wasn't something that Eddie really wanted to talk about and even if he was thinking about it. Even if he was probably going to, didn't mean he wouldn't get back with her. 

He just wants Eddie to be happy and alive. He's afraid if he tells Eddie its Myra, that he'll ruin Eddie's future. It can't though. Myra was just like his mom, Eddie told him that, and he knows he deserves someone who doesn't treat him like he'll break every second. 

Eddie was a lot stronger than he put himself out to be and he needed to be with someone who reminded him of that. 

"Well, in my timeline you marry a woman and her name is Myra. She's basically your mom in every way and I'm pretty sure you're unhappy. It seemed like you wanted to leave her. But I don't know. I've also never met her, so I wouldn't completely write her off, but I'd be careful about it. Just don't marry someone you don't love."

Eddie looks down for a second, confused, and not knowing what to say. Richie can’t read his expression and he’s pretty sure he just fucked up Eddie’s marriage, which makes him feel like an asshole.

“I get married.”

“Yes.”

“To..to a woman?” Eddie asks and Richie furrows his brows at him.

“Yes, why do you sound surprised?”

“I don’t know. It feels weird. Knowing I get married. Is she really just like my mother?”

“From the sounds of it, yes. Like I said, I never met her before.”

“We stopped being friends?” Eddie asked and he looks scared. Like maybe he was about to cry.

“Well, yes, but we all forgot each other in my timeline. Once you leave Derry, you forget everything. It was weird. But, once we all came back, it was like nothing had changed. I think now that Pennywise is gone, we won’t forget each other. Something with the curse or whatever.”

Eddie nods, “I really don’t want to lose my friends. I feel like my mom doesn’t understand me and I’m afraid that I’ll never escape her. I’m not even sick, but I still feel like I am sometimes. I’m fragile.”

“Hey,” older Richie says, letting his hand reach out to touch the kids shoulder. “You are not fragile, no matter what they say. You said you saved me, right? You defeated a killer clown and your only a kid. That’s badass.”

Eddie smiles, nodding. “Yeah, it was.”

“You’re braver than you think,” Richie finds himself saying, feeling a thick sense of deja vu. 

“Thanks,” Eddie says, letting out a deep breath. “You're my best friend, you know that right?” Eddie says and Richie nods.

“I know.”

He finds himself in a hug with younger Eddie for a second and he can tell that Eddie is tearing up. The tears are wet on his t-shirt and after a few seconds, he’s letting go, and Eddie is walking up the stairs to let younger Richie walk down.

“So, are you here to tell me of all the hot babes I’ll be getting in California or how I become famous and am chased by screaming models?”

“Well, for one, you don’t get chased, ever. You get a lot of people asking for autographs and pictures, but they’re usually kids who are way too young to be listening to you or middle aged men who are definitely not there because they want to bang you.”

“Listening, woah, am I famous rock star?!” Young Richie asks and older Richie shakes his head.

“You’re a horrible singer. Like really bad, you should know that and you can play an instrument mediocre at best.”

“Harsh.”

“Well you asked for it,” older Richie starts, trying to remember what he was meant to say in the first place.

“You only get somewhere with working your ass off. Just because it happened to me, doesn’t mean it happens to you. Me coming back here is changing the future you know.”

“I know, I was just bantering as a self defense mechanism because I’m afraid of having a serious conversation.”

“Wow, is that the first time you admitted that?”

“Well, you should know Dick. You are me.”

“Did you just call me Dick?”

“Yeah, short for Richard, I’m surprised nobody calls me that.”

“Well, people will start calling you that, but not really because of your name,” older Richie starts. “But, anyaways, I just wanted to say that before I go, I think you should be more honest with yourself. There is no need to be afraid.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“You know what I’m talking about. You know, you fall in love with a girl, or I did at least, for a little while.”

Young Richie pauses, older Richie thinks he may of short circuited, but after a few seconds, he speaks. 

“What happened?”

“It just didn’t work out. I don’t think I was ever truly in love with her. I think I never really got over everything that happened in Derry, but I sort of forgot about it.”

“You think that it didn’t work out because you were hung up on someone else?” 

“Not necessarily. I think that I just, there was something missing. There always was and I think not being honest with myself or anyone else made love really hard for me. Repressing really fucked me up. I regret it.”

Young Richie goes silent. It’s a weird sight and he only nods, he doesn’t say anything.

“I’m not trying to scare you kid. I promise; and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just want you to be happier than I am. I’m 40 and single; and even though you can be happy single. There is nothing wrong with it, but I just think I could be happier. I feel like my life has zoomed by me and even though I’m rich or whatever you wanna call it, I feel like my heart is missing something.”

Young Richie is silent for a second and older Richie can tell he’s thinking. He doesn’t take long before he says, “that was pretty gay.”

Older Richie nods, “yeah, it was.”

“Well, I appreciate the sentiment and I will highly think about it. I won’t forget this or you or my friends. So, thanks for the advice, and for saving everyone. I honestly didn’t really like myself, but you being here, and being so cool has kind of made me love myself.”

“Wow, I can’t believe that. A 13 year old likes me. I’m a 40 year old dork and you like me.”

“Yeah, well, I am a dork so..... And don’t let anyone know,” he says, going over to his older self and hugging him. It feels nice. He feels like for once in his life, that someone was really caring, listening to Richie. He was scared, but at the same time, he couldn’t feel more ready for the future. 

“Alright, that’s enough sap for one day,” older Richie says, letting go of himself, saying one last thing before leaving the club house. 

“I believe in you.”

Then, he’s out of the clubhouse, waving at the rest of the losers, who smile as he walks to the library, calls a cab again, and makes his way to Al’s diner.

It’s late and the diner is closed. There are no cars in the parking lot or on the street. Richie doesn’t see a single soul in sight. Richie didn’t plan for that, but he could adapt, and nobody was here so that would make breaking in a little easier. 

So, Richie went to the back, broke the lock to the door, let the alarm go off, as he ran to the pantry, and walked inside, praying that when he stepped out, he’d be met with one man show, because he wasn’t about to get arrested. 

Luckily when he opened the pantry again, it was light out, and that was the first good sign. He took a sigh of relief, as he rushed out the kitchen, noticing one man show handing a milkshake to a kid. He didn’t even notice that Richie had come out from behind the counter. 

That’s when Richie noticed his table, which had his phone and keys. Once he opened his phone, he lost his breath, seeing 4 missed calls from his manager and 2 from Eddie, which were time stamped from today.

He smiled, quickly taking out his phone and called Eddie.

This could not be real, it just couldn’t. It worked? What if Eddie was dead. What if he was just hallucinating, what if-. 

“Hello,” Richie hears Eddie say over the receiver and he drops his phone on the ground.

[spookyjuicefiction]

The Black Diamond - Chapter 2

MASTERLIST

A/N: This one has Smut Lite™ (aka Bucky solo in the shower... you’re welcome) so please proceed with caution! Also a kind of very serious life/death situation convo about teenagers at the end that could be distressing. And swearing. And it’s kind of long. 

BUCKY BARNES X READER

Her eyes flickered from Steve to Sam to Bucky for a few seconds before turning her attention back to the makeup and the martini.

“I never expected someone as famous as the Avengers would come by to catch my little act,” she said coyly to her own reflection.

“Well, it was worth the trip. And it was quite a long trip,” Bucky blurted out before Steve could open his mouth. He felt his friends’ eyes on him as he continued, unable to hold it in and taking a step towards her. She was magnetic, drawing him to her, and he was powerless to resist. “What’s a... talented girl like you doing all the way out in the middle of nowhere?”

“Ah, well,” she was grinning now, swirling the martini with one hand and dusting eye shadow off a brush with the other, “the gigs in New York and Chicago aren’t so good anymore. No room for little old me. And hey, the crime-fighting business must be going under, too. A bird told me Natasha Romanoff is washing dishes in my kitchen. I didn’t realize you all were out of a job?” She looked up at them again, smiling sweetly and blinking exaggeratedly with gigantic false eyelashes.

“Try again, doll,” Bucky replied smoothly, although his heart was hammering. He crossed his arms so that no one could see his hands shaking. “A little bird told us there was a dynamite act we couldn’t miss at The Black Diamond, so here we are. Sorry, your roses dried up in the hundred-degree heat.” He returned her coy smile.

Finally, she turned on her stool and stood up to her full height. She was a Grecian statue, draped in a silken robe with ringlet curls brushing her cheeks in the soft, yellow light. She looked feminine and sweet as cherry pie, yet strong, like the marble she was made of. She looked him up and down for a moment, grinning wickedly, like a cat playing with her mouse before she bit its head off. He would have died willingly. Then she strode over to one of several clothing racks lining the room and began rifling through them.

“Very charming, Sergeant Barnes,” she cooed in a voice like taffy, plucking a lacy set of red lingerie from the rack. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. However,” she tossed him a look over her shoulder, “I must ask you to leave this town immediately.”

Bucky, Steve, and Sam all raised their eyebrows in surprise. Bombalurina fixed them each with an intense stare in turn.

“I know why you’re here, and I know what you’re looking for. You’re not going to get it. So I think it’s best you leave before things… escalate. Since you’re all such big fans, I hope that you won’t disappoint me.” She strode back over to the vanity and downed the remainder of the martini before turning back to them, her coy smile again fixed firmly in place. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to prepare for the... after-hours.” With that, she turned on her heel and disappeared behind a partition in the corner of the room, lingerie in hand.

The Avengers exchanged looks and, shrugging, Sam and Steve started towards the door. Bucky knew he should follow, but he found it impossible to leave the radiant glow of her presence. He watched the silk robe fling over the top of the partition and his mouth went dry with the knowledge that she was naked behind it. He should leave, needed to leave, and yet his feet would not move.

“What if I wanted to stay for the after-hours?” he blurted, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Since when did he speak--at all--much less to women? A melodious chuckle rang out from behind the screen that made him want to join the circus if it would make her do it again.

“Well, Sergeant, you’d have to pay quite the pretty penny.” Bombalurina stepped out from behind the partition in the red lingerie, fixing him with the wicked cat grin again. He couldn’t keep his eyes from roving over the curves of her figure and the way the scalloped lace shaped her like a pornographic picture frame from heaven above. She bent down to hook the garter to her thigh-high stockings, looking up at him through her lashes. “Although, for the look on your face alone, I might just give you a discount.”

“Buck,” Steve’s voice cut through the room, making Bucky conscious of the tightness of his pants, and he looked away from her, from the sun, and blinked the vision away. He had been right. It did hurt. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Nodding, Bucky walked towards the door, forcing himself not to look back at her again.

“Au revoir, soldier,” came the musical coo over his shoulder, and he shoved his way into the hall.

The guy behind the desk at the motel seemed annoyed to give them each a separate room, but he brightened up at the hundred-dollar bill Steve produced from his wallet “for his trouble”. Inside the dingy room, Bucky dropped his bag on one bed and headed straight for the bathroom, turning on the shower. He needed to clear his head.

Steve had been tactful on the ride to the motel, not saying a word, but Bucky could tell Sam was straining not to crack jokes at his expense. Just as Sam opened his mouth, Steve had cut in.

“It’s been a long day, let’s just get some rest. We can rendezvous with Nat in the morning and figure out the next move. I’m sure she will be… fired, after tonight.”

Now, Bucky stood in the hot water with his eyes closed for a few minutes, allowing it to soak his shoulder length hair and run down his metal arm. What the hell had gotten into him? What was it about Bombalurina that turned him downright insane? Sure, she was beautiful, but it felt like more than that. He had met plenty of beautiful women. What was different about her?

Behind his eyelids, he could see her perfectly, as if the image was burned there. Her pulling up the stockings in the lingerie, her taking off the sequined dress on the spotlight stage. Her eyes as they locked on his on her final, alluring pose. The shapes her lips made as they said “Sergeant Barnes.”

When he opened his eyes, he found that he was rock hard. To anyone else, this might not be a surprise after fantasizing as he just had, but he had scarcely felt sexual in decades. Bombalurina had awoken something within him that had been long dormant in the aftermath of his days as the Winter Soldier. Cautiously, he took hold of himself, letting out a low groan and closing his eyes to picture her again. It didn’t take long. A few more mental reverberations of “very charming, Sergeant Barnes” and “au revoir, soldier” had him coming, hard, over the shower drain at his feet.

Twenty minutes later, he lay face up on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He hardly slept anyway, what with the nightmares, but this was a whole new level of insomnia. He felt a little guilty that he had thought about her as he jerked himself off, but he got the feeling that if she knew, she might like it. The thought made his pants twitch again and he threw his arms over his face with a frustrated groan. What the fuck is happening to me?

He tossed restlessly for a few hours, losing consciousness once or twice and sighing irritably twice or twenty times. At length, he looked over to digital clock on the nightstand. 5:08 AM. With another irritable sigh, he dragged himself out of bed and put on the first clothes he found in his bag: jeans and a black t-shirt. Shoving on his boots and grabbing the room key, he stumbled out into the brown desert on foot.

After some time walking, he was drawing near to The Black Diamond. It looked eerie and abandoned in the gray light of the creeping sun. Bucky noted there were still several cars in the parking lot, and he shuddered at the thought of what these patrons might still be doing at this hour.

The walk had allowed his mind to clear a little, and as he made his way around the building, inspecting it, he tried to bring the facts they had discovered last night into focus. The Black Diamond was so exclusive that members of the CIA and the government came to see Bombalurina, some with and some without their wives. There was something fishy going on, and Bombalurina knew all about it. Bombalurina wears lingerie to the “after-hours” where people have to pay a pretty penny. Bucky frowned at the implications of that information.

He picked his way to the back of the building, where a line of cars were parked in a neat row: presumably, the employees’. Right in the middle of the line, backed into a spot, was a cherry-red Cadillac convertible that must have been from the 1950’s but was in mint condition. Smiling slightly, Bucky had a sneaking suspicion who this car belonged to. A pair of black fuzzy dice hung from the rear-view mirror, and a huge, fur coat was tossed haphazardly across the back seat. Rounding the car, Bucky chuckled when the license plate confirmed his suspicions. “BMBLRNA”.

Just then, the back door of the building flew open, revealing a young woman gesturing him urgently to come. Here goes nothin’, he thought, and approached the door.

Following the girl, Bucky tried to get his bearings as to where they were inside The Black Diamond. He pictured the layout in his head as they climbed a set of narrow stairs in a back hallway, and realized that they must be over Bombalurina’s dressing room. There was another red door, this one with a peep hole instead of a star, and the girl unlocked it and gestured him inside.

“She’s on the patio,” the girl all but whispered before hurrying back down the hall.

Bucky spun around and took in the apartment. It was large and open, with the kitchen, dining, and living spaces all in one area. There was a door to the side that he imagined must be the bedroom. The style and decor was not unlike the rest of the club, although brighter thanks to the warehouse windows lining one side of the room. He located the patio door and opened it, stepping out into a courtyard enclosed by walls, but sunny and bright nonetheless. Ahead there was a lush, green garden of planters and pots growing flowers, fruits, and vegetables.

“What do you think of my car?” The voice came from the right and he turned toward it hungrily, nearly staggering at the sight of her. She was draped across a chez lounge in a white, gauzy robe that barely skimmed her thighs. Beneath it he could see only a sheer nightgown and he swallowed thickly, dragging his eyes to her face. But that was worse. She wore no makeup, only the light of the morning sun which had risen in earnest now. She held a teacup and saucer up to her lips and made a show of taking a delicate sip.

“Do you always leave your mink out for anyone to find?” Bucky asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets and stepping towards her. He wondered how he looked to her. Did she find him… attractive? The thought made him suddenly very self-conscious of his metal arm.

But she was giggling, motioning for him to sit down and leaning forward to pour another cup from the pot on the table. “Occasionally. But that’s why I have cameras out back. I’d have to kill anyone who touches my car.” She liked it when he played with her, he thought as she gave him the coy smile again. He took the cup politely from her when she offered it and was pleased when the aroma of coffee, not tea, hit his nostrils. He nearly downed it in one sip.

“I thought you were leaving,” she said, cocking her head slightly, the teacup hovering over the saucer.

“I’m… finding it hard to stay away,” he admitted, unable to meet her eye. After a moment, he shrugged and gestured at the tall walls around him. “Perhaps it’s the beautiful scenery.”

Her laughter was music. She looked at him for a long moment before saying, “James, I can’t help you. Whatever you think you’re here to find, it’s not going to happen.”

The use of his Christian name shook Bucky to his core, paired with her words that seemed to him like a double entendre. He clinked the teacup down a little too hard on the table.

“So you like the view here that much, huh?” She raised her eyebrows, surprised at his sudden tone. He continued, unable to stop himself. The pent-up sexual frustration and the sleepless night had caught up to him along with the jolt of caffeine. “You waited your whole life to be the biggest star in the middle of the desert, did you? I’m not buying it, doll. Nobody loves a guy that much. How much does he pay you to keep his secrets?”

Bombalurina pursed her lips, but if she was annoyed she hid it well. She sipped her coffee and remained silent. Bucky stood up and walked over to the garden, pacing as he pressed on.

“So who is he? Your pimp? He buy you that pretty car so you’ll get information from the horny CIA agents that come in here looking for an escape from reality?”

He turned back. She sat, stonefaced.

“That’s it, huh,” he murmured. “The most beautiful girl in the world, in the middle of nowhere. One night for them at The Black Diamond and you and your pimp have the nuclear codes by breakfast.” He could see her pressing her lips together harder, and he knew he was right. “And when he comes back he brings you a new fur coat and kisses you on the forehead and brings you 10 more underage girls to put in your show.”

At that, her beautiful face turned harrowing, an angry harpy mother ready to kill for her children. And suddenly, with her next words, he realized he had it all wrong.

“Why do you think I’m still here? Why do you think I do it? Do you think he hasn’t hurt me so many times now that I’m immune to it? I do it because he turns on them!” She meant the girls. The young girls. Bucky felt his stomach drop like a stone, horror dawning on him as he remembered the girl who had brought him up the stairs, the one behind the desk, the ones carrying drink trays. He remembered what Steve said about them having hard lives. Bombalurina pressed on. “If I don’t get the information he wants, he hurts them. Those girls...” she choked down a small sob, “I’m all they have. Do you understand? I have to run the club, make the money, fuck the old men, and do my job. Or they die.”

Bucky fell to his knees in front of her, taking her hand in his flesh one and squeezing it gently. She was crying a little, but it was somehow dignified and graceful. 

“I’m going to save you. And the girls.” He squeezed her hand, and he felt her squeeze back a little bit. “But you need to tell me everything. You need to tell me who he is. And then we’re going to kill him.”

[classic-rock-roller]

1. You know Bonham’s been going through a rough patch lately, and she’s been locking herself in her room and binge drinking. You decide to have an intervention. You, Tom, your whole band, and QR are there. When Bonham comes out, she’s clearly just dragged herself out of bed. You push her onto the couch, and she listens to your spiel, dazed. When you finish, you ask, “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” All she says is, “This is probably the type of conversation I should have worn pants for.” How do you respond? What do the others say to her? Do you get her to stop?

Me: I’m just glad we got you out here for this conversation. 

Tom: We’re really worried about you, Bons. 

Kevin: I love you. Please don’t drink yourself to death. 

Erik, Sean, and Linus are all somber but look at her with worried expressions. 

Rudy is hugging her on one side and Frankie is on the other and Carlos has run to the bathroom. 

We do get her to stop after she starts attending AA meetings. 

2. You and Bonham and Tom and Kevin are playing cards and Kevin keeps boasting about his good luck. At one point Bonham says, “Shut up.” “No,” he says. “Don’t make me come over there and sit on you.” she says. Kevin says under his breath, “Is that a promise or a threat?” Does Bonham hear it? How does she respond? How do you and Tom respond? What happens if Bonham goes and sits on him?

Bons: A promise. 

She goes over and sits on him. 

I’m laughing hysterically and so is Tom. 

Kevin is huffing. “Come on, it’s not that funny. Bons, get off.” 

3. To participate in giving to a charity, your band sells dates with you and Bonham. Tom makes sure he wins the date with you, but Kevin got sniped when he tried to buy Bonham’s date. She says it’s fine, it’s for charity. “I just hope it’s not Vince, he’s always gets too handsy.” The night of the date comes, and you are getting ready to leave with Tom when the buyer of Bonham’s date shows up at the door. You answer it and guess what, it’s Vince. What do you tell him? What does he say? What does Bonham say when she learns it’s him?

“Vince, I’m warning you now don’t get handsy with Bons ok?” 

Vince: Oh, I’m not. This is my practice date for when I take out Sharise for the first time. I’ll be a perfect gentleman. 

Bons comes down the stairs and turns right back around while saying, “Oh, hell no.”

4. You and your college fuck buddy are scheduled to go to a party with Bonham and three of her friends. When you get there, one of the boys is playing a video game, the other is playing around with Master of Puppets on a 7 string guitar, and Bonham and the other girl are in a heated argument that ends with the threat of, “Don’t make me shove my foot into your tampon tunnel.” How do you and your fuck buddy respond? Do you leave or do you stay? How does it go if you stay? What do you do if you leave?

Mick: Uhh...

Me: This is normal. Hey Erik, Good game going there. Linus nice noodling pretty soon you’ll be able to write your own stuff for our band. Jess, how many times have I told you not to piss off Bons. Bons don’t kick her in the tampon hole, please. 

Mick kind of awkwardly stands at the edge of the room until Bons notices him and pulls him over. 

5. Bonham is sleeping on the couch one day when you’re making french toast. You leave her plate for her on the floor next to the couch before you leave for work. Kevin and Tom are scheduled to meet you there when you're done with work, and as the three of you walk in you see she’s still there. Tom startles her awake, and she falls off the couch, her hair landing in the plate of French Toast. She’s looking stoic and Kevin asks if she’s okay when she bursts out laughing. She laughs uncontrollably for a solid two minutes before she’s sobbing violently. You’re all a bit freaked out. What do you all do? Why is she so fucking nuts? (trick question no one fucking knows)

She’s had a long day she didn’t sleep well the night before because she was up all night from a bad stomach bug. I pull her into a hug and go, “I know, I know.” Tom asks if she’s ok and throws away the plate and Kevin helps her get the goop and stuff out of her hair and partially off her clothes. 

6. You and Tom and Bonham and Kevin are hanging out and it’s still after Kevin has been freshly released from rehab. Kevin joined Bonham in the chair she was in (an obvious attempt to get close with her), and as he’s talking he accidentally brushes her boob with his hand. “Jeez stop titty punching me.” she says as a joke. He flusters and says, “They’re just so big and in the way.” How does she respond and what do you and Tom say?

Bons: Well, try to be more careful next time, ok?

Tom whispers to me that he thinks Kevin likes her and I whisper back, “You think? It’s quite obvious.” 

7. You know that Bonham writes in a journal instead of going to therapy because it’s cheaper and easier. One day you and Tom are waiting for your kids to arrive home from school (they’re all about high school age) so you all can go to a family dinner with Bonham and Kevin. Sam seems very eager to just lock himself in his room when he gets home. Not long after, Bonham and Kevin arrive, and Bonham is really mad. “What’s wrong aunt Bons?” Cassie asks. “I don’t know who did it, but someone in this house took my private journal and leaked the whole thing online, so now all my darkest secrets are trending on every social media site from here to fucking Cancun. I know it wasn’t your parents, and your kids were the only other ones who knew about it. Who spilled the beans?” “Is that what that pink duct taped thing is in Sam’s room? I wondered what that was.” Chrissy says. Looks like the mystery is solved. How do you all (You, Tom, Kevin, Bonham, Sam, Chrissy, Cassie) proceed?

I head up to Sam’s room screaming, “Samuel Kevin Keifer! You better hope your ass is sitting because once I’m done with you, you won’t have an ass to sit on!”

Cassie: I’ve never seen mom that mad. 

Tom: I have. Honey! Don’t do that! We need to talk reasonably. 

Me: I am reasonable. Unless one of my kids acts like a dick and endangers his aunt. 

Chrissy: Auntie Bons, are you gonna be ok?

Bons: Of course, I will be. But your brother won’t. I’m mad at him but I didn’t mean to sick your mom on him. 

Kevin: Jesus! I haven’t seen her this mad since that dude almost threatened to beat you up back in the day. 

I pull Sam out of his room by the ear and make him give the journal back to Bons, “Apologize to your aunt. You are grounded for six weeks. That is something we never do. Especially since people are always looking to use that information against us. Understand?”

8. You and Bonham are getting ready to film a video with NSP and as you’re coming out of makeup, Bonham’s mouth is bloody as hell, but she doesn’t seem to notice. You’re about to say something when Ninja Brian, who rarely says anything to either of you, sees her and says, “Holy crap! What happened to you?” Bonham touches her face and her hand comes away bloody, but she still seems unfazed. What does she say, how do you respond, and what does Danny say when he walks up?

Bons: Oh, it’s fake blood its part of my makeup. 

Me: Are you pulling a Mick Mars?

Danny: A what? 

9. Kevin is freshly out of rehab and Bonham and Rudy have just split. She’s been a bit of a sad sack, but one morning you’re looking for her so you can all go to rehearsal and she’s nowhere to be found. You call her three times before she answers. “Hello?” She says groggily. “Where are you? We have rehearsal in fifteen minutes,” you say. “Somewhere you won’t like.” She says. Just then, you hear a male voice in the background, “Who’s that?” “Is that Kevin? Did you sleep with him? You just split up with Rudy!” you demand. Bonham just replies with, “The best way to get over one dude is to get under another. I’ll be there in ten.” and hangs up. How do you react? What do you say when Kevin drops her off at the studio?

I’m a bit surprised by her answer but don’t say anything. When Kevin drops her off, I saunter over to his side of the car and lean into the window. I give him a smirk, “Well...you had a busy night...” Bons puts her head in her hands before saying, “Yes we know. Now can we get into rehearsal? I’ll tell you all about it at lunch ok?” 

10. Your band is doing a photo shoot for your next album and you’re all wearing swimsuits. You’re all meeting up when Linus says to Bonham, “What’s with all the bruises on your back? Is Kevin hitting you?” She flusters and doesn’t really give an answer until you go up to Kevin, who’s talking with Tom. “Did you hit Bonham?” You ask menacingly. Kevin just looks indignant and says, “No, well, yeah, but she asked me to.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Sean asks. “She asked me to hit her when we were having sex.” Upon hearing this she says, “Way to be discreet.” How do you, Tom, Erik, Linus, and Sean respond?

Me: Oh, ok. Just don’t hit her too hard that you bruise her next time ok?

Tom: Damn, DuBrow. Did you hit her with bricks?

Erik and Linus just shake their heads at Kevin and Sean is just looking at him. 

11. You’re about to go to sleep one night when you get a call. Cassie answers the phone but soon brings it to you. “It’s uncle Kevin. Something happened but he just insisted that he talk to you.” You answer the phone and he just tells you, “It’s Bonham. We’re at St. John’s downtown. Just…get here.” You do, and leave Cassie in charge of Sam and Chrissy. When you get there, Kevin is simultaneously worried sick and livid. He says, “She was at some party with friends from college and she overdosed hardcore on coke. They don’t know if she’ll be alright yet, but she’s so in for it when she’s better. She should never have touched that stuff.” Tom gives a little snort of laughter. “That’s rich, coming from you.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kevin hisses. “You’re such a hypocrite, you nearly killed yourself and your ex fiancee because you were strung out on coke, and more than once. You have no right to get preachy to her because this happened.” How does Kevin respond and what do you say?

Kevin gets all silent and just glares at Tom because he knows he’s right. 

Me: While both of you are right, right now we should focus on her and making sure she’s ok. I can’t deal with breaking up a fight between you two I can barely hold it together right now. 

____________________

1) Your singer and Tom have a date night planned and you’re busy with a late night at work so Kevin is watching Cassie, Sam, and Chrissy overnight at your house. Your singer and Tom kiss the kids goodbye and your singer goes, “Are you sure you can handle them, Kevin? They’re a handful.” Kevin goes, “We’ll be fine I promise.” They leave for their date and you go to work. Once you get off work at about nine, you grab your phone to see four missed calls from Kevin. You call him back and Kevin screams into the phone, “I can’t deal with this! I can’t deal with this! I need help. Oh god, so much vomit.” Apparently, Sam and Cassie both got a stomach bug, (oddly enough baby Chrissy didn’t). How is your house when you arrive and how do you help Kevin with the two sick kids and the baby?

2) It’s the day of your and Kevin’s wedding. Your singer (who is your maid of honor) is helping you get ready when Tom knocks on the door. You only hear part of the conversation but you can tell your singer is pissed, “Seriously?! Why did he have to do this now? Help Bons get her hair done and I’ll go find him.” When Tom comes back to help you, you give him a funny look and go, “Do you know what you’re doing?” He looks at you in the mirror and says, “Who do you think does this every day?” While motioning to his hair. How do you respond? 

3) Your singer has gone off to find Kevin while Tom is helping you with your hair because apparently, Kevin got cold feet. When she finds him, she punches him in the arm before going, “You’re seriously not running out on Bons. Are you? I know you love her and she loves you and if you break her heart. I’m breaking your face.” Kevin puts his hands up and goes, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I just had to get away for a little bit. It was too busy.” How does your singer respond and how does their conversation go?

4) Your singer has just given birth to Cassie and you’re holding her when you look to Kevin and go, “Do you want to hold her?” Kevin backs up like three feet and holds his hands up, “No. I don’t want to hurt her or drop her. I’m going to hurt her.” Tom rolls his eyes, “For god’s sake, DuBrow. She’s not a porcelain doll. As long as you’re careful you’ll be fine.” How do you, Kevin, and your singer respond? Does Kevin hold Cassie?

5) Mal, Eddie, and Randy are all turning into teenagers. Mal has just turned 17, Eddie is 15, and Randy just turned 12. One day, you, your singer, and Kevin are out in the kitchen and your singer goes, “Kevin, you have to have the talk with them.” “What?! No, I’m not having that talk with them. You have it.” “I have to do it with Roxanne. Unless you want to talk about periods.” You see Kevin’s face visibly distort in discomfort. He sighs, “Fine...” How do you and your singer respond and how does “the talk” go?

6) You and Kevin are over at your singer and Tom’s when you find an old coffee tin (the sin tin) attached to the side of the fridge. Kevin pulls it off and gives Tom and your singer a devilish grin, “You have enough in here to buy yourselves a nice steak dinner. You have been getting pretty busy.” You look at it and go, “Ok, What the fuck does “the Sin Tin” mean? BabyCarrot you’ve had one since we were roommates in college. What does it mean?” How do your singer and Tom respond to Kevin and how do the three of them respond to you?

7) You, Tom, and Kevin go with your singer down to Texas for her aunt’s funeral. Your singer’s cousin asks her to bring back her aunt’s ashes in her carry on to give to her aunt’s son. Your singer is putting them into her carry on in the hotel and Kevin is going, “Come on, why do I have to put some of your clothing in my suitcase?” Your singer responds, “I have to take Aunt Shell home.” Kevin rolls his eyes, “Will you stop calling it that? It’s a box of ashes.” Your singer stops what she’s doing and you can see the tears well up in her eyes. The next thing you know, she locks herself in the bathroom and you can hear her crying heavily. How do you, Tom, and Kevin respond? What do you do to get her out of the bathroom? 

8) You are over at your singer and Tom’s with Kevin and you’re all sitting downstairs in the basement living room. All of a sudden you hear a thud and Tom goes, “Dammit.” Your singer says, “Tom, are you alright?” “No...I think I twisted my ankle.” Your singer jumps up and goes, “What did you trip over?” “I tripped over the damn laundry rack that you insist on keeping.” How do you, your singer, and Kevin respond?

9) You and your singer are sitting in while Crue is recording girls and their manager is trying to talk to the higher-ups and they keep interrupting. (It’s at the beginning of the instrumental I sent you.) Your singer finally just screams, “Oh my god. Shut up, Christ. You three are worse than my kids.” How do you, Tommy, Nikki, and Vince respond? 

10) You have gone into labor with your and Kevin’s first kid and Kevin and your singer are in the delivery room with you. It’s not too bad yet, so you’re just playing the waiting game. Kevin is already pacing and going, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this! What happens if I mess the kid up?” Your singer goes up to Kevin and goes, “Kevin, relax. You’ll do great, I know it. You’re great with Cassie.” How do you, Tom (who’s been sitting on the couch with one-year-old Cassie), and Kevin respond?

11) Your singer calls your home phone one night and you can barely understand her through her panicking. All you get out is that she wants to talk to Kevin. You wake him up and hand him the phone. At first, he’s groggy, but then he shoots straight up in bed and says, “I’ll be there right away. You don’t have to worry, BabyCarrot. I’m here.” When you ask what’s wrong, he goes, “Sam overdosed on cocaine and Tom and BabyCarrot are a mess. I’m going down to the hospital to be with them and to talk to Sam once he wakes up.” How do you respond and how are your singer and Tom once you get to the hospital?

12) You’re on a game grumps episode when Danny and Arin pull out the game Dragon’s Lair. They have both tried and died multiple times when your singer asks if she can try. Right off the bat, she passes both of them in the game, she’s clearly played before. Arin looks at her and says, “How the fuck do you know how to play this?” Your singer responds with a determined look on her face, “Where do you think all my allowance went in the arcade? Not to Ms. Pacman.” How do you, Danny, and Arin respond? What do Danny and Arin say when your singer beats the game?

13) You are recording with Crüe and Vince goes to your singer, “Come on, girlie. You’ve got to sing SOS with me.” They both go into the booth and soon the tapes are rolling. Your singer is clearly kicking Vince’s ass at the song and is really getting into it. Once it’s over Nikki goes, “Wow, you love that song?” Your singer smirks and goes, “Yeah, but I also wanted to one-up Vince.” How do you, Vince, Tommy, Nikki, and Mick respond?

14) Your singer has been dating an old college friend since she recently broke up with Kevin. You’ve been on tour and the paparazzi have been trying to get pictures of them for a while now. One day, you three are walking along the sidewalk when a paparazzi comes out of nowhere, “Pose for a picture! Pose for a picture!” You and your singer ignore him but your singers, college friend, Mick, decks him in the face before pulling you guys along. How does the paparazzi respond and what do you and your singer say to Mick, how does he respond?

@osbournebemydaddy  your move, Bons :)

[alliebruns-blog]

The Namibia/Panama Crossings Part Two: The Desert, Day 1.

DAY 1: Namibgrens to the Erongo region - 28.5 miles  (AKA ‘The Naivety of the British Runner EXPOSED’) 

I love 5.30 am starts, which is lucky because that’s basically the deal for the next week. Yes reader, 5.30am is a time. A real time. That people get up. 

Kit on and bags packed, and it’s off for breakfast for musli and yoghurt and then straight into the car for me and Darren. Jim and Danni get on their bikes for the first leg of the bike ride. They are starting 100km behind us. We will drive 100km to the edge of the desert and start the run there. We won’t see Jim, Pete and Danni for 2 days now. It’s emotional, but we deal with it. If they want to cheat it’s up to them. They have to live with that decision. And boy, does Jim live with it…. (TBC)

After an hour in the car we get to the edge of the Namib-Naukluft Park and the giant NO ENTRY sign. There’s a gate, but one of the team has left the key to the padlock at the office 200km away in Walvis Bay. So we do what we always do, and knock the fence down. We put it up again. It’s all good. The government said we could do it. What are the laws on guns here again? 

Seems legit.....

Darren and I have had a brief discussion about running together. It’s hard when you don't know someone that well - or when you do, and know that they are faster than you (which is what I know about Darren). I say 10 min miles are my jam, which they are for these longer back to backs and Darren agrees he can deal with that. I am talking about 10 min miles in the UK on trails in about 12 degrees. Our 10 min mile plan lasts just that. About 10 mins to a mile. 

We start running on a gravel path - it’s pretty runable, soft in places, and it’s a cool morning - cloudy and not too hot - so we manage about 6 miles in about an hour - a pretty good pace. With one support vehicle in front of us and one behind, we have access to our kit and fresh water and food pretty much all the time. It’s great! I am still running with a small pack and a bladder - I am obsessed with running out of water. 

First part of the day looks do-able....

We trot on through the never ending gravel plains and then, suddenly from nowhere there is a big group of animals running as a pack. They look like ponies BUT THEY ARE ZEBRAS! Wondrous mountain zebras, stampeding along and crossing in front of us. A literal Zebra crossing. Amazing. There are some big cats in the area, so we keep and eye out to see if it’s a chase, but don’t spot anything. Seeing these animal up close like that, just doing what they do is astonishing and we don't take it for granted. 

Zebra Crossing!!!!!

Also out on the plains that morning were Oryx’s - great big deer type creature with huge spiked horns and long fluffy tails. They’re very shy and they can run FAST. We also see a couple of little sidewinder snakes and some fun new crickets we’d not seen before. Our “taking photos of everything” habit is slowing our pace, so we try to crack on. 

Snake holes.....

New Pal......

We keep running, with more walk breaks now. It’s getting hotter - it’s becoming obvious that we can’t keep up a flat 10 min mile pace for the whole day. The clouds clear and the sun comes out with a vengance. It’s 9am and boiling. 

Our first hill appeared in front of us, a long, slow rising dune made of red sand. There’s a burnt car - the remains of a poachers vehicle left in the sand; a reminder not to break the rules. An eerie sight in a beautiful landscape. At the top of the hill we get our first view of the red dunes. And what fun they were. Soft and fluffy - these are the small guys - we power up them and speed down them.

Views..... (get used to this....)

As we cross, we also get our first high view of the desert sprawling in front of us. It was magical and terrifying. At the top of the hill, under a tree lay the remains of a Springbok, bleached white by the sun. Possibly left in the tree by the triumphant cat that caught it, with the carcass dropping as various animals made the most of a good meal. It was a very real reminder of what happens when you are left alone out here. 

That’s what dehydration can do to ya.....

Danny and David realised the ‘road’ they had plotted was now no longer passable, as the dunes had moved and were too soft to drive on. This was highly amusing for myself and Darren, who got to watch them attempt to get the cars up the new mega deep, fresh dunes. Those guys are some of the best drivers I have ever seen. What they do with those cars is MENTAL and they never (well barely ever) get it wrong. The tracks from the support trucks lead the way for us to run - but running IN the tracks of the cars is difficult - they make the sand soft and moveable. The tracks serve only to show us the way-ish - we can run alongside them or cut across plains. As long as we have the trucks in sight it’s cool. And losing them actually freaks you out a bit. 

We decide to run off road and do an explore - trotting over dunes in the general direction that Danny and David pointed us in while they sorted truckgate. This meant negotiating spiky bushes, snake holes. lizard guys, big cat prints and dunes, not necessarily in that order, in rising heat. We kept on pushing and pace was good for the terrain. Darren though he saw some ostriches but it because clear these were actually a steel posts. Heat brain was setting in. 

Spot the car.....

Lunch was served at about 14 miles, in a small makeshift tent that Danny, David and Johnny had erected on the path for us - cold water down the back and on the head, bread, meat, cheese and GERKINS YES GERKINS were on the menu. I took a second to take in what was actually happening here. A picnic in hell or heaven? I dunno. It was one of the best lunch spots I’ve ever stopped at though…..

Lunch - doesn’t look that hot. Was fucking boiling. 

After the refuel, we set off again. It was getting really tough now, with heat peaking in the late 30’s between 1 and 3pm and zero wind. It was also getting sandier, which sounds stupid when you consider where we are but it WAS getting sandier! Elevation was also on the up. It’s easy to decide  try and give everything to the run in these conditions, but I was constantly reminding myself that we had another 3 days of this and we had to respect the distance. Oh yeah, then we had a good 250-300km to do in Panama. We ran and marched through another 15 miles of beautiful but essentially non-descript hill dunes. We ran past a small dune filled with big holes, and out popped a desert jackal (possibly one of the cutest things on earth) He should have been asleep really, and he couldn’t believe his bulgy eyes. I imagined him running back down into the maze of tunnels to tell the other jackals what he’d seen outside and them saying “go back to sleep Dave, you’re drunk”. 

Hello little pal! 

Eventually we saw the trucks had stopped at the top of a huge dune - we were 28 miles in to what was supposed to be a 30 mile day and we were all knackered. Doing that distance is one thing, doing it in sand and heat, without a rest day after 24 hours travel is another. We decided as a team to add on the extra couple of miles to tomorrow and try an get out heads down for the night. At the top of the dune, we downed tools and took in the the view of the valley below. Zebras and oryx’s were grazing as the sun set. It was Lion King beautiful.

I’ve camped in worse spots.....

Tent life.....

Our crew set up camp as we dealt with the important issue of re-hydration with a beer, a sit down and foot check. The make-do camp shower looked out across the plains. The toilet took in some of the most beautiful views on earth. We were so lucky to be there. 

That night as we settled down for a bolognese dinner, an huge owl flew over camp and drew our attention to something larger sloping down the hill. To the amazement of Danny (who has been working in the desert for over 25 years) it was the extraordinarily rare brown mountain hyena. He was trotting down the dune towards camp. We could just about make out his distinctive shape and he was obviously curious about the smells and sounds. He had probably never seen human beings before.  It was mesmerising. In his 25 years Danny has only ever seen 4-5 of these creatures and we get him on the first night. I swore it was because I was a dog person, and hyena guy could tell. 

After dinner we sit round camp and chat and then it’s bed. First day done, feet looking good and bellies full. Onwards to day 2. 

TBC

[brittysaucefanfic]

A Fate Unclaimed

Part 21

(First)(Previous)(Next)(Last)(AU 1)(AU 2)(AO3)

“Lance!” Hunk yells out as Keith catches Lance while he collapses. 

Lance doesn't look very good. Keith's no doctor, but he doubts the purple tinge to Lance's skin is healthy. Nor are the prominent purple veins snaking outward from the hole in Lance's shoulder when he removes his shirt and jacket. A hole so big he can almost see right through. Keith gags a little in his mouth but diligently takes Lance gently to the ground.

His breathing is ragged, wheezing and interrupted by body wracking coughs. Lance is sweaty too, shivering and whimpering. Keith grits his teeth as a particularly harsh cough rips through Lance’s chest. It makes Lance nearly fold in on himself, and when it’s gone he collapses back into Keith’s arms. 

Hunk uses a spare shirt from his pack to press onto the bleeding hole.

“This isn’t good, for more reasons than Lance dying.” Pidge says, her words cold but her voice thick with worry. She places a hand on Lance’s forehead but quickly rips it away with a hiss. “He’s boiling.”

“What do we do?” Hunk says, first looking at Lance and then up at Pidge with watery eyes. “Pidge, do you know if there’s a cure for a manticore sting?”

Pidge doesn’t answer, and when Keith looks up from the pinched face of the man in his arms, he gets his answer anyways. She’s chewing on her lip, a small bead of blood bubbling at one of her teeth. Her eyebrows are low, her eyes lower, and she’s fisting her shorts tightly in her small hands. Keith may not be the most knowledgeable when it comes to feelings, but he knows this look well. Pidge isn’t going to deliver very good news.

“There is none is there?” Keith says, voice barely above a whisper. Hunk claps a blood smeared hand over his mouth as he smothers a sob. 

“We don’t know.” Pidge says. 

“Don’t know what?” Shiro butts in, gentle but firm. He’s good at that, pushing his emotions away to focus on the task at hand instead. 

“We don’t know if there’s ever been a cure. The venom acts too fast for anyone to live long enough to discover if there is or not.” Pidge says, her voice wobbly and wet. Keith swallows and looks back at Lance’s face. His eyes beneath his eyelids keep shifting like he’s having a nightmare. 

"We can't just leave him to die!" Hunk yells, his eyes angry and filled with tears. He reaches forward to brush a lock of hair off of Lance's face. His large hands are shaking. Shiro takes over with pressing on the wound when Hunk’s shaking make Lance groan low in his throat.

"We won't Hunk. Maybe Allura will have an idea." Shiro says, laying a hand on Hunk's shoulder to comfort him. Shiro smiles, but there's a tightness in his lips that Keith can decipher as easily as he can wield a sword. Shiro is losing hope. Which means there isn't much hope left for Lance's odds of survival.

A harsh breeze hits them, cooling their heated skin.

Keith turns his face to the wind to cool his face and dry some of the tears threatening to fall. He must have gone crazy though because he swears he hears a voice in the breeze. He can't tell what it says, but he swears he heard it. Keith squeezes his eyes shut to refocus on the task at hand.

"How do we get a hold of Allura?" Keith asks, all business.

"Iris messages." Shiro replies, digging into his pack and drawing out a small handful of coins that look weird and shine a dim gold in the sunlight, as well as a bottle of water. Keith can't imagine why they would need those for this so called 'Iris message' but whatever. Maybe he's thirsty and wants to look at weird coins?

Shiro must have meant 'instant message'.

Now, Keith is in every right mind to think Shiro is going to pull out a phone. Until he just takes a handful of water and throws it in the air to create a rainbow. Then he tosses one of those gold coins into the rainbow and it disappears.

Into thin air.

"Oh Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering. Show me Allura Altea at Camp Half Blood." Shiro says in a deep voice. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be surprised, he’s seen weirder. Like the manticore, which apparently does exist, alongside gods of an ancient polytheistic religion. He glances at Lance when he whimpers as Pidge takes charge of holding the wound close this time. He looks back up to see Allura shimmering in the mist. Her hair is immaculate and very thick, still that stark white. She looks relieved, and tired. 

“It’s good to hear from you all, I’ve been worried. I had a dream that- “ She stops and swallows before shaking her head and putting back on her stunning smile. “Well it doesn’t matter. How’s the quest going?”

“Allura, we would love to chat for a minute but we need your help.” Shiro says. 

“Oh?” Allura replies, her eyebrow raised.

“Do you know of any cure for a Manticore’s sting?” Pidge asks. Keith holds onto Lance tighter as he’s reminded of the situation they’re in. Allura’s face pales from her usual golden tan to a white almost as stark as her hair.

“Lance?” She says, merely a whisper.

“Allura do you? We don’t have much time, please.” Hunk says, tears running down his face. He tries to wipe them away but he just smears a line of Lance’s blood across his cheeks and nose. It looks ominously like Shiro’s nose scar.

“I can’t recall anything. My expertise is in the sea, not the sky. How is he?” Allura asks, her face twisted in regret and anguish, two emotions Keith knows like old friends. Shiro visibly swallows before he answers.

“He’s fading fast. What do we do?” 

“I don’t know. I will ask Coran and contact you if I discover anything helpful. Good luck.” Allura sees, and he watches as she raises and arm like she’s going to backhand someone, and then she disappears.

“Dammit, what now?” Pidge says. It’s telling of the dire circumstances when Shiro doesn’t tell her to watch her language. 

“I could probably be of assistance.” A voice says from behind Keith. He is startled so much that he drop Lance’s to the ground, grabs his knife and prepares to attack the intruder. Last time someone snuck up on them during this quest, it ended up with them being plopped in the middle of nowhere and then getting attacked by a giant Manticore. Which also ended up with Lance dying in his arms slowly.

He doesn’t attack though, because he’s stunned by the sheer beauty of the man before.

Blonde hair like grains of wheat, skin that almost seems to glow with the sun. His eyes are a molten gold and his smile is blinding. He’s wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a yellow t-shirt with a symbol of a lyre on it. He’s tall, and muscular, and on his head sits a laurel wreath. Keith may not know much about the gods, but Apollo seems to be advertising his existence. 

“Lord Apollo,” Shiro greets, unusually formal. He looks like he wants to say more but he doesn’t. Apollo smiles again, and then looks at each of them before landing on Lance. His smile turns a little sad.

“Oh child,” Apollo says. “A manticore sting, that’s rough.”

Keith swallows, because he’s in the presence of a literal god, and the doubts he may have had before are fading fast. Apollo steps off his car, a red sports car, top down, with sunlight instead of exhaust coming from it’s rear end. 

“Can you heal him?” Keith asks, and he feels Pidge pinch him in the side.

Apollo purses his lips, looks Keith up and down once and then cocks his left eyebrow. Keith can’t explain why, but he feels his ears get hot like they do sometimes around pretty guys.

“No, but I can help.” Apollo says. He moves over to Lance and kneels down. He’s quiet a moment as he peels the blood soaked shirt away from the wound. Keith isn’t sure the sigh Apollo gives is good news. 

“Poor child. Dying in such an unsightly manner.” Apollo says. Keith feels himself puff up in anger. “Your journey doesn’t end here my friend, you have a long future ahead of you.”

“So you can save him?” Hunk says, sniffing.

“I can do no such thing.” Apollo says. “He must save himself. However, I can make that journey easier on his body.”

Apollo places his hand on the still bleeding hole in Lance’s shoulder, and there’s a brief flash of light. Then Apollo stands and shakes his bloody hand, magically making the blood disappear because of course he can. 

“That’s all that I can do without my father realizing I’ve intervened. It’s on him now whether he comes back or not.” Apollo says. “The wound is closed, but the poison lingers. However, I’ve weakened it, so if his will is strong enough, he will be fine.”

Apollo then promptly goes to his car to leave, until Pidge stops him.

“Why did you help if Zeus doesn’t want you to?” She asks. Apollo pauses with one foot in the car but doesn’t answer, so she continues. “Is it because he’s your son?”

“I helped,” Apollo says, his voice tense with distaste. “Because what my father is putting him through is wrong. Every child deserves to know their family, especially someone as special as Lance.”

“Then why not just tell him, or claim him?” Hunk asks. Apollo’s smile is gone now as he sits in his car and shuts the door. He revs the engine.

“Because he is not ours to claim.” Apollo says. He then looks Hunk straight in the eyes with his blinding smile. “Yet, at least.”

“Wait,” Pidge asks. “What does that even mean?”

Apollo ignores her and drives off into the sky like he’s in the movie Grease, at the ending, but with a far nicer ride. He leaves a heat wave in his wake and a lot of questions. The main one being-

“What the fuck just happened?” 

“Language Pidge.”

******

(First)(Previous)(Next)(Last)(AU 1)(AU 2)(AO3)

[bizarrebird]

As mentioned, I’m still on my Buffy kick, so I’m gonna continue with my live blogging. Fair warning, I may skip some episodes because they’re... not great or too Xander centric for my tastes. But I don’t think anyone’s gonna read these who isn’t familiar with the series so you probably know why I’m skipping the ones I am.

Anyway, onto Season 2, Episode 2: Some Assembly Required

First, I just wanna say, I’m really dumb cause I thought this was the episode where Spike and Dru show up and stuff gets good but SURPRISE THAT’S NOT TILL EPISODE THREE FFFFFFUUUUUUUU

So we start with Buffy in a graveyard (we start here a lot, idk if it’s the same graveyard all the shots here are so fucking dark you can’t tell what anyth) waiting for a new vamp to rise from his grave. Angel appears out of nowhere, startling her because, as Buffy points out, he never learned to approach people like a normal person. Angel makes a comment about how he expected Buffy to have Xander or someone with her.

And okay, there’s a lot to unpack in this conversation, the parts that happen before and after they get interrupted by random vampire of the week. Don’t wanna spend the whole liveblog on this, so I’m gonna bullet point the important things

Angel giving Buffy shit for dancing with Xander, but refusing to admit he’s jealous cause Angel is a tool (this is a recurring theme)

Buffy saying she just did it to make Angel jealous, probably cause he’s a tool and never wants to talk about his feelings (also a recurring theme)

Vague slutshamey talking about the dancing which is super uncomfy

Angel calling Xander ‘just a kid’ which has a lot of just... super creepy implications, which are like almost addressed when Buffy asks if that means she’s a kid too, but we don’t get an answer to that (for the record she’s 16 and Angel is super fucking old, yeah I gotta talk about this later in another post)

Angel just tries to go cause he’s a little shit baby who makes Buffy do like 80% of the work in their relationship

Alright, there’s a lot of expansion that can be done on all this, but a lot of it’ll probably happen in liveblogging future episodes.

SO ANYWAY as Buffy goes to chase after Angel (like he always makes her do), she falls into an open grave and they realize the body has been dragged away, starting this investigation into the ‘monster of the week’ as we go to OPENING CREDITS

As the cool music fades we go to Buffy and Xander walking into the library to find Giles talking to an empty chair, practicing how to ask out Jenny Calendar. It’s actually pretty cute and I love awkward nerd dad Giles and Buffy sasses him in a charming way... which Xander then makes super weird, leading to the very, very warranted line from Buffy: “I fear you.” You should fear him, Buffy. You and every other female character in this show. Buffy goes on to give Giles some advice about asking Jenny out, which is sweet, while Xander is a tool.

Buffy then starts talking about the grave she and Angel found. Xander of course has to comment on her being there with Angel, y’know the guy Buffy has a legit on and off again thing with, who she has every right to hang out with without you judging her Xander, shut your gross mouth. Buffy continues to explain stuff and they decide to get Willow to look into the missing body, cause I guess this was the 90s and no one else knows how computers work

Willow we find being adorable and signing up for a science fair where random creepo of the week (I think he’s called Erik???? idk he’s gross so I don’t wanna acknowledge him more than I absolutely have to. Isn’t it wild that a feminist show has so many just casually creepy dude characters? I wonder what that’s about, Joss) Less creepy rando of the week, Chris, shows up and has a nice chat with Willow (too bad we’re going to forget he exists after this episode) Then light of my life, queen of my heart Cordelia shows up to also do the science fair cause the writers needed to find a reason to get her into this plot where she’s gonna get creeped on a whole bunch, great. Buffy shows up for Scoobie bizz and Cordy and Willow go with her, conveniently missing the super cryptic lines the episode randos drop in the middle of a crowded school hallway, but I guess none of the extras can hear so no one calls the cops

Cut to the library where everyone except Willow is scared of the witchcraft that makes the computer work, so she looks up the missing dead girl. Cordelia doesn’t care what they’re doing, but follows along anyway cause the writers kinda want her to be in the Scoobie gang but can’t figure out how to make it happen. She also drops some big foreshadowing that no one listens to because no one in this show appreciates her the way I do. Willow finds that their missing dead girl was killed in an accident with two other girls, so they decide to see if their bodies are gone too as Giles runs through creepy theories about flesh eating demons or zombies. Buffy briefly mentions Angel and Xander shoves his own foot up his ass in protest

We then go to the graveyard where Giles and Xander dig up the grave while Buffy and Willow talk about boys (will we pass the bechdel test this episode? we just don’t know) Buffy gets shamed more for her ‘sexydance’ with Xander and then she asks about the foreshadowing Cordelia dropped earlier and Willow turns into an exposition fairy to talk about Chris’s dead brother, who totally isn’t related at all to the dead bodies being dug up now. Buffy opens up the coffin and we cut to--

Cordelia heading to her car after cheer practice, only to be stalked by a mysterious pair of shoes in the most ripped from a horror movie scene this episode. She hides in a dumpster only to realize the creep following her is actually Angel, who still doesn’t know how to not terrify people he’s trying to talk to. As she’s getting out o the dumpster, Cordelia finds a severed hand trying to cop a feel

The gang gets back to the library where Angel and Cordelia are hanging out (probably planning their spin off already) and Xander and Angel are stupid at each other because that’s the only kind of interaction these two can ever have. Angel tells them about the body parts in the dumpster, which apparently he looked at enough to know some bits are missing, throwing out all the theories the scoobies came up with. He says that the stitching was super good and Giles makes the (very justified) point that high schoolers shouldn’t know how to do that, but apparently they like to stitch up bodies in the science club, so it’s time to break into some lockers. Cordelia asks Angel to take her home and it’s weird for everyone (also Angel’s wearing a really weird jacket right now, it’s khaki and makes him look like a business man who just got laid off and is super bummed that means he can’t sneak around with his secretary anymore)

We then go to Chris’s house where his mom is clearly grieving, but still awful. Now okay, this scene is super short, but very good at establishing everything we need to know about Chris’s homelife, so points there. Back to the school for breaking into people’s lockers. Chris and creepo are found to have lots of medbooks and the creepiest fucking frankengirl made out of pictures from magazines or something. We then go to Chris and creepo in their secret lab where they’re frankensteining the girl bits together

And now we go to the school where Buffy rightly says how messed up this is and Xander opens his mouth to word vomit about love and it’s so weird how his mouth moves but Whedon’s words come out and shit all over female characters. Then we get some cute flirting with Giles and Jenny and he stutters a whole bunch and she asks him out and it’s a genuinely sweet moment (this is when we feel the Whedon destruction of happiness hammers looming. Remember kids, Joss Whedon hates happiness)

Willow tries to do research while Xander’s a dumbass, then Buffy gets there and they discuss the possibilities of frankengirl already being shambling around, only for Giles to get there and say that all three dead heads have been found, so Chris and creepy haven’t finished the job yet. We go to them, talking about how they’ve gotta move fast cause there’s a time limit before the limbs start being extra super dead. Creepy wants to kill a girl and Chris is like ‘dude what the fuck, I’m not doing that’ and it’s revealed that his super dead brother is now a frankenjock and these guys can just... bring people back from the dead??? For a show where people drop like flies, you’d think this would get a little more focus, but no. Super dead bro just wants an equally horrifying lady friend and manages to football talk Chris into agreeing to murder. Dead guy looks at creepy’s pictures and he picks Cordelia (cause it’s been almost an episode since she’s been kidnapped, gotta tick that box again)

The Scoobies meanwhile realize that Chris and creepy have to kill a new girl to get a head and Buffy’s the only one appropriately enraged by this. Willow tries to argue sympathy for Chris, which Buffy doesn’t seem to go for until she goes to Chris’s house and gets an idea of how shit his situation is with his mom. Buffy goes to check out Chris’s weird basement room while dead bro looms, she finds a creepy cut up picture of Cordy and rushes to the rescue. Meanwhile Cordelia gets menaced and kidnapped in the locker room but Buffy shows up just in time to save her. Then Cordelia, cause she’s a fucking pro, insists on going out for cheerleading stuff, gotta lead all those fuckin cheers

Buffy realizes Chris is still there and does try to sympathize, but tells him he’s gotta knock off the creepy shit. Chris plays the pronoun game saying he has to do this for “him” until Buffy realizes he means his dead brother. We briefly see said brother smashing everything and attacking creepy until he says he can make him the lady friend on his own. Buffy and Chris get back to the hidey hole too late and realize dead bro and creepy are still going after my sweet Cordelia

At the football game we see Giles and Jenny on their date, her actually calling it that and making Giles go all awkward. But then the cockblock crew shows up and Willow and Xander steal Giles’s food instead of... y’know, worrying about the potential frankenteen stuff going on. Cordelia gets statched by the dead guy and dragged off while the crowd is distracted by the bizarrely shiny yellow pants the football players are wearing. Buffy and Chris get there a little too late and then we see Cordelia with the creeps and she screams a lot, which... fair Cordy, me too

Chris tells Buffy where to find Cordelia. Apparently they’re just doing this in an old science lab??? .Chris goes to get backup and Buffy goes for the save. She real quickly tries to talk things down, cause she does sympathize with Chris, but when deaders goes to attack Cordy, Buffy goes for the ass kick. The fight goes on for a really, really long time cause this guy won’t get staked. The lab starts catching on fire as Xander gets there and (being useful for the first time this episode, no this season) goes to get a tied up Cordelia out (or he tries to, he can’t undo the fucking straps holding her down on her weird gurney thing, just ignoring all the knives and cutting tools like a foot away cause why use his thinkerbox for anything other than petty quips)

Giles and Willow get there and remove an unconscious creepy. Xander just... he fucking throws himself onto a still screaming Cordelia, giving up getting her untied and just wheels them out because the lab is on too much fire now. This knocks the gurney where the rest of the bits of the would be frankengirl are into the biggest fire. Dead bro is about to super smash Buffy when Chris gets there and yells at him.

This makes him notice the burning body and he just... really awkwardly climbs on top of it and gets redeaded in the fire. And it’s kinda sad but he’s been super creepy this whole episode and no one will remember this later

Outside the fire department gets there a little before Angel does (still wearing his weird khaki outfit like he forgot his middle and last names are “I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color”) And he just... stands there for a bit until we cut to Giles and Jenny talking about a second date. I’m sure that will go well and there won’t be any drama

Xander and Willow talk about how they’re sad and dateless for some reason. Well, Xander says that because he’s a clod and Willow humors him because she’s a soft lovely lady who hasn’t realized there are better options out there yet (soon, honey, soon) Cordelia, who has been temporarily possessed by Joss Whedon, tries to flirt at Xander a little, but he’s dumbass and just brushes her off

Cordelia makes the greatest face ever and is temporarily released from the mild insanity that makes her think Xander is anything more than a terrible worm boy (this won’t last and I hate that)

Now we close out on the same graveyard where we started (wow, neat, such closure, much meaning wow) There’s also this weird cut to a closeup where Sarah Michelle Gellar is clearly standing on a box as Angel talks about how he is in fact jealous of Xander. Progress! I guess. He talks about how being a vampire is suffering cause it makes dating a teenager hard

I joke, but okay, this is a sweet scene and a nice way to bookend the episode, and this is coming from Bangelhater69 over here

FINAL THOUGHTS: In terms of advancing the plot, not a whole lot happens, but there are some good character and relationship moments here, so it’s definitely not all bad. But hey guys SPIKE GETS HERE NEXT EPISODE!!!!

[belphegor1982]

O-kay. *rubs hands* If you’re still reading after the last couple of chapters then oh thank god you trust me you might enjoy this one...

FAIRY TALES AND HOKUM

Summary: 1937: Two years after the events of Ahm Shere, the O’Connells are “required” by the British Government to bring the Diamond taken there from Egypt to England. In Cairo, while Evelyn deals with the negotiations and Rick  waits for doom to strike again, Jonathan bumps into an old friend of his from university, Tom Ferguson. Things start to go awry when the Diamond is stolen from the Museum and old loyalties are tested… (story on AO3; on FFnet)

(Chapters on Tumblr: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

Chapter 21: Unlooked For and Unhoped For (on AO3 here; on FFnet here)

Tom Ferguson was exhausted, bruised, and in pain, but he was alive. He was still coming to grips with that fact. Frankly, he found it astonishing.

He had barely been aware of Jon screaming on the other side of the wall while the pygmy mummies attacked again. In the utter confusion he had somehow managed to not get hit by blow darts, only get grazed by a knife, and then fall down the same hole O’Connell had disappeared into earlier. Sometimes his luck got so bad it could pass for good fortune.

He landed hard and lost consciousness on impact. When he woke up and took inventory of his injuries, he found a red streak on his side – not deep, thankfully – courtesy of the pygmy mummies, rivulets of blood on his hands from where he had tried to slow down his fall, and an extensive set of bruises on his left side. At least he had not broken anything.

The tablet he had been holding was still whole, too, and fortunately it hadn’t fallen on him. Considering the weight, he half-expected it to be made of stone.

The respect Tom had for the written word plus the natural curiosity that had led him into his chosen profession made him tuck the tablet into his rucksack. The circumstances made him promptly forget about it.

He started making his way down even before his brain decided on what to do. What did he have? No weapon and a whole lot of bruises, his mind helpfully answered. Where does that leave you, you fool?

Jon and O’Connell were still out there, and they would do anything to stop Hamilton. Maybe he could find them again down there and help them.

Tom realised his feet were leading him to the chamber Hamilton had released Anubis’ Army from, and he followed them, ignoring the voice at the back of his brain calling him a twonk for not going the other way.

He wasn’t far from the chamber when he heard the crash and felt the strange, numbing darkness go through him like an accelerated bout of the flu. He only ran harder when he heard the gunshots and felt the floor start to shake.

Jon and O’Connell were nowhere in sight when he sprinted into the chamber. The only people there were Robertson, Collins, and Bennett, the first two trying to lift a big gong off the floor with Bennett pulling on something underneath with all his might.

Tom wasn’t very tall, but he was taller than Bennett, and heftier. He limped his way across the floor, dodging falling debris, and went to help him.

They all stared at him, goggle-eyed.

“Ferguson!?” said Robertson.

“You’re alive!” Collins sputtered. Tom rolled his eyes.

“Not thanks to you idiots. Where’s everybody? And who’s under the gong?”

“The boss,” said Bennett with difficulty, muscles straining. “Your mates shot at the chains holding it to the wall and made it fall on him. Baine took his hit squad and tore off after them.”

Tom couldn’t help a shudder before he rallied himself. Jon had been quite fleet of foot in their dissolute youth, and O’Connell obviously was no slouch either. They would be all right.

They had to be.

“Yeah, well, I’m not cryin’ over the bastard,” he said, evenly enough. “And you should thank them when you get out, because I’m pretty sure knockin’ out Hamilton saved the whole bloody world.”

The three agents shot him doubtful looks, but didn’t object. Maybe they had come to their senses and accepted they had made a right cock-up of things. And maybe, Tom thought with an inner snigger, somewhere, pigs sprouted wings and flew.

When they finally pulled him out from under the gong, it became obvious that Hamilton was a little bit worse than ‘knocked out’. His right arm stuck out at an unnatural angle, and the small pool of blood where his head lay didn’t bode well for his future. However, when Tom reached for his neck to check his pulse, he turned out to be alive.

A larger tremor almost sent the four men joining the fifth on the ground. Robertson, Bennett, and Collins looked at each other.

“This place really is falling apart, isn’t it?” Bennett ventured. Robertson and Collins nodded fervently.

“And we should get the hell out, huh?”

“Probably,” said Tom, still bent over Hamilton. “Hey, can you—”

Hurried footsteps interrupted him. Tom looked up to see the three agents running like hell towards the exit.

He sent a half-pleading, half-exasperated look heavenwards. Then he looked back down at his erstwhile boss.

There was nothing he wanted to do more than crash and sleep for days. But he would have to be alive for that – and be able to look at himself in the mirror afterwards.

With a pained cry, Tom hefted Hamilton’s body on his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, and made for the exit on somewhat trembling legs.

“If you ever wonder who saved your sorry arse,” he snarled between clenched teeth, knowing Hamilton was beyond hearing anything but too tired and furious to care, “I’ll be sure to let you know it was me. And then, you’ll… then you’ll ask, ‘Why on earth did that idiot bother saving a man who ordered him and his friends dead the second he… he didn’t need them?’ And I’ll look at you in your cell – b—because you’ll be in prison, obviously – and I’ll say… I’ll say…”

He stopped, swallowed a mixture of spit and grit, and continued with a grunt, “I’ll say there was no way in hell I would let you get away with it. You… dragged your subordinates into the desert to play with a supernatural army. You set that army on the world without knowing or caring about who they would slaughter. You put Gabriel fucking Baine in charge. You forced me to double-cross the best bloke I ever… ever drank Scotch with. You… You kidnapped my wife, you unbelievable bastard! You’re going to live, and you’re going to jail.”

Halfway up Tom had to stop muttering, needing the breath to put one foot in front of the other and just keep going, despite Hamilton’s dead weight, despite the crumbling pyramid, despite the dust and the tremors. Spite fuelled his muscles, aided by a righteous fury like he had hardly felt before and all the pent-up worry about Liz, Jon, and the end of the world he had accumulated for over a week.

Still, when he finally caught sight of blinding light at the end of the last flight of stairs, tears sprang out of his eyes.

How he made those final few yards, still bent under Hamilton’s weight, he would never know. He barely even noticed the threatening-looking desert warriors in black holding him at gunpoint before his knees gave out and he collapsed on the sand, dropping his boss’s body near him.

In a haze, delirious with exhaustion, he vaguely felt a rumble from underneath the pyramid. It seemed to travel all the way from the centre of the earth to the surface. When it hit, the big blocks of stone that formed the top of the pyramid started to shake; the diamond Hamilton himself had placed between the scorpion statue’s pincers last evening – a century ago – trembled and fell into the collapsing stones, which broke apart, until there was nothing left but rocks and sand.

The Pyramid of Ahm Shere had disappeared.

Tom’s eyes rolled in his head. Everything went black.

When he emerged, he was lying on a carpet in a vast tent, surrounded by wounded agents. Someone had cleaned and patched up the wound in his side and the scratches on his hands – most likely one of the men and women with black clothes and facial tattoos who walked about between them, taking care of injuries with distant efficiency. They had left him his rucksack, although it had been stripped of anything remotely weapon-like. Only his notebooks and his pencil bag remained, half stuck to the tablet still mostly covered in black gunk.

He only realised he was a prisoner when they sent him away into another tent, where he found Robertson, Bennett, McLean, and a few others.

“Don’t tell we’re all that’s left,” he gasped. Hamilton would have a lot to answer for.

Robertson shook his head.

“There must be other tents. Collins survived, too, and he didn’t need the infirmary.”

“Oh. Good.” Tom looked around. “Anyone heard about Carnahan and O’Connell? Do you know if they got out?”

He was met with mostly disdain mingled with disgust. “They almost killed the boss and brought down the pyramid on top of us, and you ask about them first?” Hinckley said, his lip curling. “You bloody traitor.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake…” Tom made to rub his face, looked at his bandaged hands, and changed his mind. “The pyramid was going to collapse anyway, all right?” he exclaimed. “Just before sunrise, when the new moon set. They just stopped Anubis’ Army from taking over the world because Hamilton –”

“Hang on,” interrupted McLean, squinting at him. “How did you know the pyramid would collapse?”

“Because I did my job!” shouted Tom. “I questioned people! I crossed sources! I investigated! Hamilton based his entire operation on fairy tales and hokum, and he didn’t even bother to check if he had the right version of the bloody legend to begin with!”

“But…” Bennett’s voice was hesitant. “But he’s the boss. Surely he knows better, doesn’t he?”

Tom stared at him, floored. Then at the other agents, various shades of uncertainty between them.

“Sod this,” he finally articulated. “I’m out.”

He went to the tent entrance, and carefully – very carefully – drew the flap and looked at the stern-faced young man guarding the tent with a machine gun.

“Excuse me?” he said in Arabic. The man turned and glared at him, but Tom didn’t falter. “I… Are there any news about Jonathan Carnahan and Rick O’Connell? Your allies. Did they make it out of the pyramid? I just want to know if they’re all right.”

The Medjai fixed him with a beady stare.

“Why?” he eventually asked.

“Because we’re friends, believe it or not. And I don’t think they even know I’m still alive.”

The man stared at him suspiciously. “What’s your name?”

“Tom Ferguson.”

“I’ll see what I can do. You’d better not be lying to save your skin.”

Tom thanked him, went back inside, and waited.

And waited.

None of his colleagues talked to him – not that they talked much to each other, either. After a silence that seemed to last hours, someone parted the canvas and entered the tent. Tom scrambled to his feet, clutching the straps of his rucksack despite the bandages. He recognised the man. The first and last time he had seen him had been in the flickering light of campfires and burning tents, standing very tall with a scimitar in hand, staring at Charles Hamilton with fury blazing in his eyes.

In the light of day, Ardeth Bay appeared less tall, more tired, more human. His face was drawn, but his eyes were sharp as he zeroed in on Tom when the guard pointed at him.

“You are Tom Ferguson?” he asked in English with a lilting accent.

Tom gulped in spite of himself. Jon had said the man was intimidating. “Er, yes.”

“You are Tom Ferguson?”

The emphasis puzzled Tom. “Yes, I am – why?”

Ardeth Bay still stared at him, unblinking. “Witnesses say you carried Charles Hamilton’s body out of the pyramid seconds before it collapsed. Did you?”

“I’ll say,” Tom said fervently. “That man needs to get dragged in front of a court. He sorta has to be alive for that. How are Jon and O’Connell?” he added, emboldened by the fact that nobody seemed to want to point a gun or a sword at him. “Did they get out all right?”

The dark eyes flickered, the strong jaw clenched slightly. “Come with me.”

Tom followed him outside, ignoring the questions and protests of the agents behind him. Surprisingly, he was left alone, no gun at his back, hands and legs free of restraints. He walked behind Ardeth Bay silently, gazing around him and accelerating just a little sometimes to catch up with the man’s long strides.

The camp was huge. There was no end in sight to the well-ordered rows of tents. People, camels, and horses passed him by, carrying water, supplies, and what looked like dead bodies wrapped in white cloth. Nobody paid him any attention, but his escort – his captor – was often saluted.

They stopped in front of a smaller tent. After a few words with whoever was inside, Ardeth Bay stepped back, and Rick O’Connell stepped out.

He looked Tom over from head to toe with a dull kind of surprise and said, “…Huh.”

Something Tom hadn’t realised had been tense relaxed somewhere in his ribcage. He gave a small smile. “Hullo, O’Connell. Good to see you. Where’s Jon?”

To his surprise, O’Connell’s face fell. An eerie sense of wrongness started to creep its way into Tom’s heart. He did his best to ignore it.

“He’s, uh… He’s in there,” O’Connell finally said, and as Tom made to go inside he grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. “But there’s something I gotta tell you first.”

Tom looked at the hand on his arm, then at the man’s face. The impression came back in full force.

And then he understood. O’Connell didn’t even need to say it out loud. It was spelled out in his eyes and carved out on the lines of his face.

“No,” Tom said in a small voice, halfway between incredulity and flat out denial. “No. He can’t. He can’t be. That’s not…”

His voice died when Evelyn O’Connell came out of the tent, looking cold and drained of energy. Everything, from her red eyes to her posture, shoulders slumped and arms folded across herself, said what hadn’t been said aloud. Her usually sharp, bright gaze was muted as it slid over him as though he wasn’t fully there.

Ardeth Bay and O’Connell shared a meaningful look before the Medjai Commander slipped away like a shadow, to come back later.

Tom barely noticed. His head was swimming, full of a cold white fog. He stumbled, suddenly dizzy, and almost fell to the ground when a small blond-headed missile crashed into him, yelling inarticulately. In-between insults, curses, and just plain howls of pain, he heard “—traitor, and why did you get out alive and not—” and his brain seemed to stop functioning.

The boy’s face was scrunched up, pinched, looking nothing like the round-faced mischievous child Tom had seen at the bazaar with Jon, what felt like ages ago. His fists were balled up and he looked ready to do some damage – or at least try to – when O’Connell grabbed him by the middle and gathered him in his arms. He talked in Alex’s ear for a little while before the boy wriggled free and ran off. With a sigh, his father went after him.

Tom, still rooted to the spot, breathing too little and too fast, met Evelyn’s eyes. They appeared to soften ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry about Alex,” she said, her voice low and a little hoarse. “We didn’t have time to tell him what happened during the trip and in the pyramid.”

There were a million things Tom wanted to ask or say, but he could barely get air in and out of his lungs. Words just couldn’t get out. They seemed to run into one another, bunch up in his throat, and block everything.

Evelyn ran a hand across her face, then another. The stiffness and the exhaustion remained.

“I’m going to find them. If you… You can say goodbye. If you want to.”

Tom nodded. That seemed to be the extent of what he was currently capable of.

She lay a gentle hand on his arm as she passed. The sensation jolted some life back into him.

It was quiet inside the tent. The light from outside was dimmed and tinged with blue by the fabric. The shade and the silence did him good; his breathing still hitched, but at least he could mostly fill his lungs again.

There was a vague form on the ground, covered by a blanket. That had to be Jon. Tom itched to raise a corner, to make sure – but at the same time he was intimately aware that wild horses couldn’t drag him close enough to that blanket, let alone the body underneath.

Alex hadn’t been wrong, had he? Tom still had no idea what had happened since they had got separated or what had killed Jon, but… If he hadn’t bumped into Jon a couple of weeks ago… If he had seen Hamilton for the lunatic he was earlier… If he hadn’t been such a coward in the first place and said, ‘No, I’m not doing this’…

If.

Tom dropped his rucksack. It hit the ground with a loud thud. Then he sank down, drew up his knees, and let his face fall into his hands.

Nothing mattered for a long time.

.⅋.

Alex’s mouth was dry when he woke up, his nose was stuffy, and his head hurt a little bit. It felt a lot like it had the last time he had caught a cold that had forced him – for real – to miss class for a few days. For a second he wondered where he was, where his mum was, and – because this had been his main preoccupation over the past week – whether his dad and his uncle were safe…

And then it hit him.

Uncle Jon.

Who was dead.

Not knocked out, not taken, not elsewhere, just dead.

And he hadn’t even said goodbye.

Alex’s breath caught in his throat.

He thought of blue eyes twinkling at him over ice cream bought on a street corner; conspiratorial whispers across the dinner table; a comforting arm around his shoulders while Dad yelled at Ardeth about Mum, Imhotep, and the Scorpion King; long conversations about school, myths and legends, King Kong and Captain Blood…

His uncle had always been there, and then, just like that, he wasn’t.

It takes a lot more than a knock on the head to get rid of me, Uncle Jon had said, waving away his concern, and Alex had believed him at the time. Well, he hadn’t exactly been lying, had he?

“Do you want some tea, ḥabībī1?” asked a soft voice. Alex rubbed his cheeks, his skin stiff with salt from dried tears, and shuffled closer.

“Yes, please,” he said dully, sitting with his legs crossed and his back straight out of habit. Imeni was always nice to him, and her ghorayeba2 were to die for. She had made sa‘idi tea3; he watched her deftly pour the strong dark tea into a small glass from a height. As usual, not a single drop fell around the glass.

To his surprise, Alex realised he was hungry, and picked up a ghorayeba. Soon only a few crumbs remained.

He hoped the tea and butter biscuits would help dissolve the thick ball of misery that had settled into his chest, like it usually did.

It didn’t.

“Where’s my mum and dad?” he asked, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms.

Imeni blew gently on her own tea. “Ardeth set up a tent for them not far from here. Maira can take you there, if you want to.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice. Thanks.”

They had the rest of their tea and biscuits in silence. Afterwards, Alex thanked Imeni, still feeling subdued, like he was too tired to raise his voice.

Maira was waiting for him outside the tent, watching him intently, her big dark eyes very bright. Her mum had done her hair in her family’s style, and the many thin braids danced around her face as she moved.

They walked silently for a little while, Alex scuffing at the sand now and then. Then he asked, not looking up, “Do you think dead people really go to Heaven?”

Maira, as usual, considered the question seriously before she answered in Arabic, slowly enough for him to understand, “Maybe not all the dead. If you’ve done something really, really bad, I don’t think you can go there.”

“Bad, like… killed people?”

Maira’s reply was unusually hesitant, even quizzical. “Maybe?”

Uncle Jon had killed people. Mum and Dad had killed people. Maira’s mum and dad had killed people. Somehow, though, Alex couldn’t – refused to – imagine a heaven that denied them entry.

Maybe it was a bad thing to think or say, but a heaven that didn’t want Uncle Jon in it couldn’t be very interesting anyway.

“I hope my Uncle Tamer is in paradise,” she said, her voice low – so low Alex almost didn’t get all the words. Something unexpected pierced the heavy blanket of grief that seemed to dull everything, and it took him a moment to recognise it as sympathy.

“Your uncle’s dead?”

“He fell to the Warriors of Anubis two years ago. My mother cried for a whole day. Sabni was a baby, but I remember.” She tugged at one of her braids and toyed with the pearl at the end. “He had a big laugh, and he told the best stories.”

Alex nodded and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry about your Uncle Jon.” Maira stopped, gave him a very serious look – Alex was suddenly struck by how much she looked like her father – and said, in English this time, “People die. If they die not, people are not born. We cry and we remember. We tell stories, and they live.”

Alex looked down again.

“I don’t want stories,” he mumbled. “I want him back.”

Then he looked up, and his heart skipped a beat.

There, standing in front of a tent, talking to his dad, was a stout, broad-faced man. He was scruffy and dishevelled, and looked a far cry from the friendly, smiling man from Alex’s memories, but he recognised him instantly.

Alex launched himself at Ferguson, enraged, wanting nothing more than to punch him into the sand. How dare the double-crossing git be still alive, his mind screamed. How dare he just stand there and not even make a show of defending himself. How dare –

Dad picked him up and held him close while he flailed around, and through the mist in his head Alex caught bits of sentences.

The guy had helped. Saved their lives, even, in the pyramid. He was actually a good guy, and had only just heard about Uncle Jon.

Alex didn’t care. He slipped from his father’s embrace and took off at a run. His mum and dad found him kicking a wooden crate. His foot was starting to hurt.

They sat on the crate, took him in their arms, and they talked. And talked.

It took a while before the clawing, snarling thing in Alex’s chest that made him want to keep kicking the crate till his foot fell off calmed down.

When the three of them fell silent, Alex remained snuggled against his dad a while, until someone’s stomach – either Rick’s or Evelyn’s – rumbled. The sound was absurd enough to force a smile out of him.

It turned out that, while Alex had had tea and biscuits with Imeni, neither of his parents had eaten anything since sundown the day before. Since Alex was absolutely not hungry, he insisted on staying in the tent while they went out for food, swearing he would stay where they knew he was, and behave.

“I want to say goodbye to Uncle Jon,” he managed to say around the lump in his throat. Dad gently ran a big hand through his hair and Mum kissed his forehead, and they let him go.

In the tent, somewhat to Alex’s relief, Uncle Jon didn’t look like Uncle Jon – or rather, he looked like Uncle Jon on the mornings he spent at the house, snug in his bed with a blanket pulled up over his head. It was always fun to go wake him up then, no matter how grumpy he got.

Alex’s foot caught in something, dragging him back to the present. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be the strap of a big rucksack. Its owner was huddled up a few feet away, knees drawn up, his head in his hands.

When Alex had seen Tom Ferguson, he’d been more or less the same height as Uncle Jon, and larger, but now he looked small, and tired, and utterly miserable.

Alex, feeling quite small, tired, and miserable himself, finally let go of the last remnants of his anger and grudgingly allowed himself to feel a little sorry for the bloke.

“Um,” he began, making Ferguson jump. “I’m, er. I’m sorry about earlier.”

There seemed to be a lot of ‘sorry’ to go around today, he thought.

Ferguson looked up and stared at him bleakly. His face was pinched and his eyes red and puffy, but he wasn’t crying, or had stopped some time ago. Alex found it a relief, and a second later wondered if it was a mean thing to think.

“Mum and Dad told me about…” He swallowed. “About the whole thing. Not the whole whole thing, obviously, there’s always stuff they don’t tell me because I’m a kid and I shouldn’t… You know.”

Ferguson nodded vaguely, still silent. Alex wished he would say something, anything; but he also knew from experience that sometimes, for whatever reason – when you were ill, or shocked, or just too sad – words just… stopped.

His gaze dropped and fell on the rucksack lying on the ground. The top wasn’t fastened and something stuck out, something big and dark in the shape of a rough rectangle.

“What’s that?” Alex asked, natural curiosity – always bubbling near the surface – rising again despite everything. Ferguson gave a small shrug. Alex interpreted it as permission to get a closer look.

Whatever it was, it was heavy, and it was filthy. It appeared to be some sort of tablet wrapped in a kind of dark, sticky crust; when Alex picked at the goo some of it crumbled under his fingers like caked mud. Some of it had already been scraped away on one side, exposing hieroglyphs. Alex conscientiously finished the job, gingerly and patiently, like his parents had taught him, and when he was done cleaning the tablet he stared at the engraved words and tried to make sense of them.

Followers… of the Ruler of… the West…

His heart seemed to stop and start again, only much, much faster. He knew those words. He had seen those words. In fact, he had not even needed to translate them at the time, because, thanks to the Bracelet of Anubis, one glance at the hieroglyphs had spelled it out in his head as though it was written in English.

Followers of the Ruler of the West who are stretched out on your side, lying on your biers, may your flesh rise up, may your bones be put together…4

Alex’s head started to spin, the familiar words dancing in front of his eyes like bright spots when he got up too quickly. It couldn’t be possible. It was too fantastic…

He grabbed the tablet with both hands and shook the rucksack from it. The weight was just as he remembered. The eight-pronged star-shaped lock was barely visible on the cover; the two fasteners shaped like serpents’ heads he had seen Imhotep open with a wave of his hand were bent to the sides, twisted, mangled. Alex reached with a trembling hand, and, holding his breath, sank his fingers into the thick muck on the edge.

He found the edge of a page, and turned it.

The Book of the Dead lay open in his arms.

“Bloody hell,” Alex breathed.

This got Ferguson’s attention. He looked up at Alex, frowning.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice a little croaky.

Alex jumped to his feet and turned to him, still open-mouthed and his eyes open so wide it almost hurt.

“Where…? How…?” No, wait, that wasn’t important. “Do you know what this is!?”

Ferguson blinked. “Not really,” he said. “I thought it had somethin’ to do with the Scorpion King when I picked it up. Then we got attacked, and…” He took a deep breath, rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers, and finished, “I just kind of forgot about it. Why?”

“Because it’s the Book of the Dead!” Alex squeaked. “The actual Book of the Dead! Do you have any idea what it can do?”

Ferguson shook his head mutely. Alex stood there, the book in his hands, positively vibrating with excitement.

“It means we can get Uncle Jon back!”

Ferguson’s jaw dropped open.

“…No,” he said, but Alex noticed his head went up and down instead of side to side. “No, wait – that’s not – how –”

“I don’t know how, that’s the magic part, but it works. It works. I brought back my mum with it when Anck-su-namun killed her.”

Ferguson was still staring at the book, brown eyes bugging out. “Your mother… but… Didn’t your mother wake up Imhotep with that book?”

Alex refrained the urge to roll his eyes. Grownups were so slow sometimes.

“Yes,” he said as patiently as he could, “but that was another spell. And she found it at random – she wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I know where the correct spell is, I’ve used it before. I can bring Uncle Jon back!”

He tottered closer to Ferguson, plopped down next to him, and slammed the book on the carpet. Ferguson started at the thump. Alex ignored him and turned the pages, following hieroglyphs with his finger to decipher them until –

There.

He had found it.

And this time, he ruddy well remembered that darn Ahmenophus stork symbol.

The cold anguish nestled in his chest since the morning had turned into a ball of fire that almost took his breath away. It could work. It should work. It had to work.

Ferguson inched closer, staring down at the book.

“But what if… What if it’s too late?” he asked quietly. “What if… I mean, what if he comes back wrong? Or doesn’t come back at all? What if you call somethin’ else?”

The question froze Alex in his tracks and made him feel as though someone had dipped a bucket of ice over him. Maybe Ferguson was right. Maybe it was too late. When he had brought back his mum, only an hour or two had passed since her death. How much time had it been since sunrise?

The ice in Alex’s heart turned to steel. He had the book. Uncle Jon was right there. He just couldn’t at least try.

He took a long, deep breath, and began to read.

O you who keep the gates because of Osiris, I know you and I know your names…5

The Ancient Egyptian words came out slowly, carefully, a little more strongly than they had two years ago. Alex was slightly more certain of his pronunciation this time and he had nothing to distract him – no evil lady trying to deprive him of yet more family members, no weird half-scorpion creature rising from the dead and beating up his dad a few chambers farther. There was only his uncle’s body, somewhere under that blanket. The only other living being was a man who had been an enemy and wasn’t yet a friend, but who mourned like Alex had mourned, and stared at him with eyes as big as saucers and a tiny, wobbling hope.

Alex read on, plodding through the now familiar words.

…Enter the mysterious vault to breathe life into the Weary of Heart, he who sleeps on his left side. Awake the sleeper, so Amun is pleased!6

Alex practically crowed the last “Efday shokran Ahmenophus” and his eyes jumped from the book to the body, his heart hammering in his chest. Beside him, he heard Ferguson’s breath catch.

Tiny pinpricks of light rose from the sand around them, as though picked up by a wind Alex couldn’t feel. Gradually they clustered together in a bright, swirling mass above them, gathering speed, soaking the inside of the tent in warm, amber-coloured light. The blob of light grew thinner and longer and slowly descended before gently settling down through the blanket on the body underneath.

Alex and Ferguson gulped and looked at each other.

Every single one of Ferguson’s “what ifs” was suddenly running through Alex’s mind, bolstered with others and crowding his brain. What if he had read wrong? What if he had mispronounced a symbol? What if –

The blanket trembled, then fell as something that looked very much like a mummy sat up abruptly with a muffled scream.

Ferguson gave a startled yelp.

And despite everything – or perhaps because of everything, and because he was still a tired, sad, and scared ten year old boy – Alex couldn’t help it.

He screamed, too.

.⅋.

1“sweetie”

2Egyptian sweet biscuit / butter cookie, similar to shortbread, often topped with roasted almonds.

3Sa‘idi (literally “from Upper Egypt”) tea is a strong black tea popular in Upper (southern) Egypt, that has to have much more sugar not to taste bitter. Contrast with kushari tea (which is also the name of a pasta, rice, and lentil dish), a light black tea, lightly sweetened, popular in Lower Egypt, and what Abbas was drinking with Tom in chapter 10.

4Followers of the Ruler of the West who are stretched out on their side, lying on their biers, may your flesh rise up, may your bones be put together: that’s not from the Book of the Dead, but from the Book of Gates, an Ancient Egyptian funerary text describing the passage of a soul through the Underworld (with a different goddess at each Gate). I cheated.

5From the Book of the Dead, spell 144. The Tutankhamun exhibition was instructive in more ways than one.

6Okay, this is a hodgepodge of excerpts from the Book of the Dead (the real-world one) and enough tweaking and piecing together to give any student of Egyptology reading this a heart attack. “The sleeper awakes, Osiris-Khentamentiu awakes here with his ka, he who sleeps on his left side, the sleeper!” is from spell 517 (the aforementioned “sleeper” who “sleeps on his left side” – a symbol for death – being the deceased); “I cause Ra to enter Osiris, I cause Osiris to enter Ra. I cause him to enter the mysterious vault, so as to breathe life into the Weary of Heart, the sheltered ba who is in the West” is from spell 182. And the Amun thing? Well, “Amenophis” was the Greek version of the Ancient Egyptian name “Amenhotep”, which means “Amun is pleased”. My own interpretation of the “ahmenophus” that concludes both Jonathan’s inscription in TM and the spell that wakes up Evy in TMR. Told you, heart attacks :D

[bafilmmichaelmallon]

Banshee Draft 5

Ext. Day. Edge of forest. 

ANGUS and HEATHER run down the side of a slippery hill in a forest. They pause to take in the sight. In front of them is a huge bridge of ancient stone leading to a castle above. They are surrounded by looming walls and knobbly dead trees. 

HEATHER 

Of all the places to trip balls you choose this place, it’s proper blair witch over here. 

ANGUS 

Ah so you’re Billy Big Baws right up ‘til we’re here, shitebag. 

HEATHER (shakes head) 

*tuts* Fuck up.  

(Teasing) 

It's no the forest, it’s being alone with a psycho bastart like you. 

(In condescending voice) 

Had yer pills today McMurphy? 

They stare each other down for a moment as though she has crossed a line, then both scoff and walk together deeper into the woods. 

Ext. Day. Forest 

Angus and Heather wander lackadaisically around the woods. 

Ext. Day. Forest 

Angus’s attention shoots from tree to bush to ground, taking none of it in. Heather notices his distress and clicks her fingers 

Heather 

Angus come on look at me 

Angus’s eyes lock onto Heathers. 

Heather 

It’s just a bad point in the trip okay? Yea? It’ll pass soon now don’t worry. It’s all waves remember, you just have to ride them.  

Heather is now right in front of Angus and sits the two of them down against a tree.  

Heather 

Just breathe with me alright? 1 

2 

3 

Angus breathes to the pace Heather sets and slowly calms down. 

Cuts to Black 

Ext. Night. Cave. 

The two stand by the entrance of a cave. An eerie singing comes from within, punctuated by sloshing water and a strange wet slapping noise. Heather leads the way in 

Int. Night. Cave. 

The space is filled with contrasting shadows and moonlight. A woman in a ragged grey dress and a dirty blind fold is half hidden in darkness, washing clothes in an old wooden bucket.  

Angus steps back quivering but Heather seems somehow mesmerised by the woman.  

ANGUS(Whispering) 

Heather 

She doesn’t seem to hear 

ANGUS(Louder) 

Heather! 

Silence fills the cave.  

Water drips from the Banshee’s translucent white and veiny blue hands.  

Heathers eyes widen as The Banshee raises its head and slightly cocks its ear.   

Ext. Night Forest 

Angus blindly stumbles through tripping roots and scratching branches. The Banshee’s wails seem to follow him even when his legs are shaking and chest heaving.  

The screams finally begin to die away of their own accord. Angus leans against a tree, counting 

Angus 

One, two, three four 

Int. Morning. Kitchen. 

Angus blows into a steaming cup of tea. Dim wintery light filters in from outside. Angus turns to Heather, words on his lips, but finds her muttering to herself.  

Heather is hunched over the basin totally still and reminds Angus strangely of the Banshee. Water drips from her limp hands. 

HEATHER 

No no I can’t do that, I can’t. 

ANGUS 

Heather?...Who are you talking to? 

Heather turns to him surprised. 

HEATHER 

What you on about? 

[Confused frown] 

You look a mess mate, you alright? 

Angus shakes his head dismissively. He reaches for his tea but it is somehow on his other side.   

ANGUS 

Something was wrong with those shrooms, Fuck knows what I did that night but I’m s... nah I'm being para... I mean, you’ve not fully been... here. Will you tell me what happened? 

HEATHER 

Man! nothing happened 

The basement door thumps from the other room as though someone had hit it hard from below. Angus leans to the side to try see what the noise was. He slowly leans forward to try and see what happened. Heather, from the sink, holds her hand out, drops a glass and smashes it. Angus jumps out his skin. 

HEATHER 

Sorry. 

At a loss for words Angus looks into his tea.  Black blobs like blood spread through it. He tries to stare the tea back to normality. 

Heather 

I trusted you and you left me behind 

Angus is snapped out of the trance. He turns to Heather to continue their conversation to find she is gone. Angus’s wheezy breathing rattles out his mouth so he counts but seems unable to calm down 

He sits on the couch, hugging legs to chest and counting.  

Int. Night. Kitchen 

Angus sits up confused and disoriented to a dark room. There’s a knocking noise over a humming which seems to be eternally getting lower pitched.  

Int. Night. Angus’s room 

The shadows are a deep crimson and blood red shoots out the projector to bounce of a blank wall above the bed. The room is a pile of clothes, dishes and cigarette paraphernalia.  

A large black amp hums its strange noise from a chest of drawers by the door, which Angus switches off. But the low banging continues from elsewhere in the dark flat.  

Int. Night. Hallway. 

A bar of light shines from the cupboard across the hall, beyond it, darkness. The banshee, unnoticed, watches him from within the darkness. The noise comes from Heather’s room. 

He opens the door. 

Int. Night. Heather’s room 

The curtains are closed, the room is dark. A single red lamp casts dim light in the far corner. Heather’s shadowy figure is moving strangely back and forth by the wall, but it is difficult to make out what she is doing in the dark. Angus takes a step closer 

She is repeatedly banging her head off the white wall with an awful force.  

Blood splatters out of her nose and cut up gums. Her face, wall and t-shirt are covered.  

In a rush Angus turns the lights on. Blinding white light destroys shadows lurking in the corners. Suddenly Heather is by her bed looking perplexed and clicking her fingers.  

Heather 

Angus...Hallooo? 

Angus can hardly respond, he hardly breathes, hardly moves, except an imperceptible shake of his head.  

Silhouetted by the bar of light across the corridor the Banshee watches Angus.  

Heather 

Angus I really think you should speak to someone. 

He switches the light back off just to see what happens. 

Heather smashes her face off the wall once again. The blood has spread everywhere and is flying through the air in drops.  

Heather lurches away from the wall as though breaking free but is incredibly tense. 

She seems to be trying to speak but nothing escapes her lips. She slowly and shakily forces her hand up, either trying to point or reach for help. 

Angus is transfixed and doesn’t notice the Banshee, now standing right behind him. He takes a hesitant step towards Heather, but turns to leave. The Banshee has vanished from behind him, then a bone breaking crack comes from Heather’s direction. Tentatively he turns. 

Heather stands in the corner staring at him, head ominously tilted forward and hair covering her face.  

Her arm bends forwards and inwards with a blood curdling Crack. Her knees bend inwards and her foot forwards. Crack 

She goes for Angus, each step bringing more destruction to her twisted body.  

Int. Night. Hallway 

Angus turns to run, almost right into the Banshee who is blocking the hall. He has nowhere to go but his room and slams the door closed. 

Int. Night. Angus’s Bedroom 

Angus holds the door knob, hands shaking, as though his life depends on it. But nothing happens and he begins to calm down.  

Unbeknown to him the trap door is open right behind his feet. He takes a cautious step back, then another, and falls. There is a horrible crack from his landing. 

Int. Night. Basement 

Angus groans in a square of red light coming from above. Whispers and the dripping of water permeates the shadowy basement. Dark shapes loom about him but he doesn’t know what they are.  

Angus tries to stand up but on putting weight on his left leg he cries out in pain and falls back down. The whispering stops but the dripping noise continues. All his movements seem unnaturally loud in the deep underground silence. 

He takes his phone light out and shines it around in a slow circle around him.  

Right at the edge of light is the banshee, suddenly illuminated by the phone light, watching him through its blind fold. He cries out once again and drops his phone. 

In the red light he closes his eyes and tries to block out the horror of his situation. There’s noises of something moving around him 

Angus 

One, Two, Three, Four, Five. 

He’s pulled himself together slightly and picks his phone up to gingerly point where the banshee had been. It’s gone. Instead, in the far corner is a stool he could use to get out.  

Unsure of his ability to walk he half crawls along the ground, making slow progress to the stool. The light flashes about the space momentarily lighting strange creepy objects as he passes. 

He reaches the stool and pauses a moment. A faint crying noise comes from the darkness. It sounds just like Heather. 

Angus 

Heather? 

HEATHER 

No, no, no please no. 

He grabs his phone and shines it about. About a meter away is the thing, hunched away from him, shaking as though its crying.  

Banshee 

[Screams in pain] 

Please stop, please I’ll do anything.   [beat]  I don’t care, he left me. Whatever you want just let me go.   [a gasp of relieved air]  Thank you, than... 

Angus’s face screws up in a rage. He grabs the nearest thing and flings it. But the Banshee is gone.  

Angus’s breath speeds up but he tries to hold it together. He grabs the stool and swings it over his waist then pushes it back to the red hole above.  

He now counts each push of the chair, going to five repeatedly 

Angus 

One, Two, Three, Four, Five 

He places the stool under the hole beside the heavy table and stand up with the support of the two object. Now he has to pull himself up to stand on the wobbly stool.  

He holds himself up with the table and stool and pulls his strong leg onto the stool beside his hand. His bad leg hangs in the air underneath him. With one hand on the table behind him for support he reaches for the edge of the hole. 

He can’t quite reach it. 

The sounds of Heather crying begin once again, like a multitude of recordings all cut and over laid together. Her weeping, screaming in pain and begging for help. The noise makes him jump and he almost falls off the stool, having to grab back on with his outstretched hand. 

Once again he has to pull himself together 

Angus 

One, Two – aw fuck this 

This time he goes for broke and lurches with his hand for the hole, just grabbing it. The stool wobbles beneath him.  With his hand on the floor above he stands one footed on the stool and his head just about enters the other room. 

Int. Night. Living Room 

Angus looks over the edge into his room, it seems empty in the translucent red light. He wedges his elbows on either side of him with hand palm down on the ground 

Takes a moment to mentally prepare himself.  

Then pulls his weight onto his arms. The chair clatters beneath.  

His Face strains with the effort. Slowly but surely, he pulls up, going red and breathing hard with the effort. 

He gets his arms locked beneath him, he’s more or less out of the hole. His breath frees up with the relief of pressure physical and emotional. He lets out a small laugh, his head hanging limp 

Then seems to be yanked back down from below. A look of terror passes over his face as he looks up, almost questioningly.  

Then he is rushed downwards into the darkness. A thump and a crack follow. 

There is silence except for dripping.  

Crimson shadows dominate the red room. 

Heather emerges from the darkness. She has been watching all along.  

She stands over the hole and looks down into the darkness. 

Then closes the trap door. 

She disappears back into the darkness 

Time passes until night becomes day. 

Int. Day. Living Room 

The red light is mostly lost under the pale orange light of sunrise. The shadows are mostly obliterated leaving an inviting well lit room.  

Heather has also disappeared.