#but I'm very excited to start working on this stuff!

[caramelcleopatraa]

ALL UP IN YOU MIND

word count: 870

x: ..... hey y'all (,,>﹏<,,) i'm back with sum short and sweet while I'm writing some other stuff. I hope you enjoy :) excuse any errors I didn't catch ~ Cleo

You tried to act like it doesn’t bother you, but every time you see him, your sexual frustration rises. You were bound to explode at some point.

Your body was damn near vibrating. Restraint was your closest acquaintance recently. You sat there and watched him as he accepted business call after strenuous business call. You knew yourself. It was impossible to be in the same space as your husband and not be magnetized to him from the jump. It’s not like it was the only thing you noticed about him. The countless days of work that he’s put in, the stress that comes with maintaining good at his job, especially one that was so demanding like wrestling, and the physical work that has taken a toll on him is something that a lot of people can't handle. You understood what he had to do to even have these moments so that he can come home and relax… well, semi-relax, because those business calls just seemed to keep coming. You never wanted to seem superficial and at the very least, only concerned with sex. But… fuck, sometimes when you saw him relaxing and lounging around the house, taking a shower, or taking care of business. The simplest things were your biggest triggers. You couldn’t count on less than two hands how many times you had gotten hot and bothered over him being stern over the phone, when negotiations were rocky. Seeing him in such concentration just sent you into an enticing spiral that was fun at times, but excruciating in many other situations. Those times when he came home and he wanted nothing more than sleep, or the quiet days of solitude after energy draining events. You found yourself dealing with a puddle between your legs, leading to those suspicious long showers. 

Roman was the best package deal you could’ve ever wished for. A mature man that preferred communication over assumption, paired with the face and body of a god, spoiled the ever living hell out of you, always made sure you were taken care of. Mentally, physically, and sexually. It’s like second nature for him, and he already does so much for you. So you figured you could just deal with yourself when you got too excited. But it started happening so often, you had to tell him. You needed him. Bad. As much as you tried not to burden him with your newly discovered and frankly annoying sex drive, you knew what he could do, how he could make that provocative ache subside. You daydreamed for hours about how euphoric it would feel once he finally put his hands on you. It pays to be selfless, but you wanted him to yourself just for the weekend. All yours, with no distractions. Just you and him.

That’s the position you just put yourself in. Such a conflict of interest. You had wished sometimes when he had heard your moans from inside the bathroom, due to you stopping trying to be quiet, that he would strip down to nothing and join you. But you knew when duty called, it was hard for him to get distracted when he had his mind concentrated on what he was doing.

You had daydreamed what it would be like if you teased him while he was working until he reached his breaking point. How he would never rush you, but be so impatient to take of your silk robe and sit you in his chair while he kneeled before you and ate you out like it was his first time tasting you, hands roaming your legs and up your torso and eventually grabbing your throat with both hands, still eating your pussy until you experience dizzying bliss. And after that, how easy it is for his dick to slip inside of you with his hands still around your neck while telling you how needy you are, and how he can’t wait to fuck your needy pussy. He’d damn near forget that he’s on a business call, unmuting himself to make some lackadaisical excuse as to why he couldn’t stay on, still snatching your soul with his strokes and eye contact that served as a nonverbal command to not make a fucking sound until they hung up. Your eyes would roll as you felt yourself closer to cumming as you worked circles on your clit, listening to his words that made you moan just on their own. 

“Lemme see that beautiful face while you cum all over this dick.”

“You can take that dick baby, don’t tell me what you can’t take.”

“That pussy too damn good baby, got me addicted to you.”

You had blinked your eyes numerous times to bring you out of your daydream, rubbing your temple and letting out a heavy sigh. ”You okay over there baby?”

“How long until you're finished with your phone call?” He points to his phone, laying face down on the desk next to him. “Just got off.”

Your body moved on its own, walking over to him and sitting on top of him with no hesitation, massaging his shoulders softly. “Good, because I really want you daddy. I can’t wait any longer.”

🏷️ tags :) @hunnidmilly @reignsboy19 @2-muchsauce

@theninthwonder @harmshake @alichesmi @thesamoanqueen

@alyyaanna @empressdede @badbitchcentralinc @christinabae

@fame-ass-ers @southerngirl41 @cyberdejos2 @murrylove

@sassginaswanmills @pixiedust4000

@shes2real @pittieprincess22 @wrestlingprincess80

@msbigredmachine @sayyestoheav3nn @trippinsorrows @mzv11

@saintmagx @jstarr86 @pr3ttiesz @trentybenty @romansthrone

@scarlettnoir01 @tshepisho @rose-bliss @yana3sworld

@queeny23 @bebesobrielo @heauxvibez @amandairene88

@potatosackk

[quintessenceofdust88]

fuck it friday

(it hasn't been Friday for me for the last 25 minutes but let's pretend I'm on time, can we? thank youu also I gotta be honest that I almost didn't post this one cause imposter syndrome hit hard, but then my angel @laundryandtaxesworld helped me out and I decided to give it a shot. So thank you Viaaa, ily ♥♥♥) Tagged by @911coded and @unhingedangstaddict, thank you lovelies! ♥ This is the beginning of priest Tommy AU, sooo I hope you'll like it! I'm excited to see where it goes:

Buck loves LA, but he hates days like this one, where it feels like the whole city is a greenhouse. The heat is sticky and humid, clinging to his skin and making him sweat in his uniform. All he wants is a cold shower and a minute to breathe. And, okay, maybe a cold beer wouldn’t be a bad idea.

Instead, he’s crammed in the back of the 118 fire engine, heading to San Pedro for one more call. And Buck loves his job, he does, but they’ve been on back-to-back calls for the last three hours. 

“Christ, I feel like I’m gonna melt” He whines, and Eddie smirks at him from the front seat (he had won rock paper scissors fair and square, the bastard), pushing his sunglasses up his nose. His Texas-raised ass does just fine with this horrible weather, and Buck hates him for it. 

“Yeah? Better start working hard to go to heaven then, cause you would not survive the eternal flames” He quips. Buck crosses his arms, too stubborn to let himself be influenced by the collective chuckle.

“I already work hard to go to heaven, don’t I? Saving lives and stuff” He says with a shrug, absolutely not pouting, thank you very much.. 

“I don’t know, Buckaroo.” Chim says, a playful smirk on his face. “When was the last time you set foot in a church? That’s supposed to be a big deal for the guy upstairs”

“Well, if that’s the dealbreaker, we’re all screwed” Hen says dryly, even though she doesn’t look particularly concerned. “Except for Cap, of course.”

Bobby chuckles from the driver’s seat, taking a turn to the right and stopping the truck. 

“Well, here’s your chance to make up for it” He says, and Buck comes down from the engine to find out they pulled up to a small stone-walled church. 

The doors are open, and most people are outside or at the very back of the church, chatting agitatedly, their eyes widened as most people when they find themselves witnesses to a 911-level emergency. It’s a sizable crowd, he thinks, considering it’s a Wednesday afternoon (which, as far as his Episcopalian-raised knowledge goes, is not a church day). 

As they rush up the church’s steps, he notices half of the crowd are the usual elderly ladies, but half of it are people around their 20s and 30s, and a few teens, which surprises Buck. They’re all whispering fiercely to each other and keep stealing glances inside the church. One of the ladies approaches them, relief clear in her eyes. 

“Oh, thank God you got here so fast!” She says, wringing her hands together. “It’s Mrs. Bellini, you see, she has low blood pressure, and this weather…”

“Ma’am” Bobby cuts her off as gently as possible. “Were you the one who called 911?”

“No, it was father Kinard.” She clarifies, leading them inside. “He’s already tended to her forehead, but he didn’t want to risk moving her until you arrived to check her situation.”

The church is relatively small, but the ceiling is high, and their footsteps echo against the walls. It’s a lot cooler inside, and Buck lets out an involuntary sigh of relief as they get out of the intense sunlight.

The woman leads them to one of the front pews, where they find another lady who’s sitting down, looking pale and sheepish. There's a white gaze pressed against her forehead, and a small red stain seems to have formed against it. Sitting by her side is a man dressed in white robes, a green-colored long scarf-looking thingy around his neck. 

He stands up when they approach, and Buck’s taken aback, because he’s ridiculously tall; a little taller than Buck, even, and that’s no easy feat. His features are sharp, a jawbone that could probably cut through glass, and he has a cleft on his chin (why did Buck notice that, he wonders? Is it weird to notice a priest has a cleft?). He’s looking at them with widened blue eyes that are filled with concern.

--

Np (like at all bc I know it's Saturday or almost SAturday for most of y'all) tagging @laundryandtaxesworld @bidisasterevankinard @typicalopposite @mmso-notlikethat @fairytalegonewronga03 @rosyhoneydew and whoever else would like to join!!

[moanz111]

✩°⋆｡ system error ⋆｡°✩ - 34

chapter 34 ✧ - i'm sorry - written +texts

< previous ✧ m.list ✧ next >

synopsis ✧ you've always dreamt of having your fantasy-like love story. naturally, hearing the sweet melodic ring of your love alarm was what you wanted the most, right? until it actually happened. four times.

wc ✧ 1.4 k

pairing ✧ uni student! choi san x fem! uni student! reader

warnings/tags ✧ instant attraction (just soulmates stuff), party mentioned, getting drunk (but not to the point of not being able to make decisions), angst, miscommunication (more like not enough communication)(sorry), san's kind of insecure, heartbreak, unhealthy coping mechanism (self-distancing), this is very long so get ready, everyone's confused, use of a pet name (yunjin calls reader baby but she always does so...)(i always forget to tag it sawryy), lmk if i've missed something

Being a senior in university wasn’t as fun as many would think. Too many classes, too many assignments, too many dance routines to memorise and quite literally nothing of much interest happening around you.

At least, that was San’s reality. Wake up, work out, go to classes, practice with Yeonjun and Wooyoung, go home, sleep, repeat.  It wasn’t like it was that bad, but a little fun wouldn’t kill anyone, right?

San kept wondering what was missing, what was that thing that his soul kept yearning for? He had considered taking a gap year or even completely changing his major, but nothing seemed to really hit home the more he thought about it. Start a job? With that schedule it was out of the question. Dating? Well, there were potential prospects around him, but it was too much work and emotional investment.

That was until the day he met you. 

At first, it wasn’t anything evoking excitement in him. As usual, his friends were going to drag him to the freshman welcoming party to “scare” the newcomers, but San didn’t really want to do that or talk to any people or get drunk or dance, but duty called, as Wooyoung had said back then, and had dragged him to Changbin’s front door mercilessly along with their roommates. All San had to do was put on his most charming smile, hang around for an hour or two and then he would make his escape with Yunho so they could play video games in peace. 

Plans change, though, and very drastically even. 

San knew your friends very well - Yunjin and Jongho had the same majors so he saw her often at their plays (whenever Jongho let him come, of course), Beomgyu and Jeongin were his gaming buddies and Kai was their friend so of course, he had hung out with him too, but the only mysterious person in there was you. He thought you looked beautiful with your messy hair and your casual clothes on, with your shy smile and blushing cheeks as you shook his hand while saying your name quietly. 

He couldn’t say he had fallen in love before and he didn’t really believe in love at first sight, but that weird feeling growing inside his heart was definitely something he had to keep an eye on. He had liked people and had dated a few times which all ended in disappointment, but secretly all he wished for was for his love alarm to ring. All these romance movies that kept him up at night, the fated meetings they portrayed - he kept wondering if that was something you could actually experience or was it just a play, orchestrated for poor hopeless romantics like him? Not that he had ever found someone he could share his thoughts with.

The night he met you he was no different - it wasn’t as if he suddenly gained the courage to strike a conversation or even flirt like Wooyoung liked saying he was supposed to when he saw someone he was interested in. So he did what he did best - he admired you from a distance. Occasionally, you would sit together or would exchange a word or two in the middle of all the chaos that was happening around you, with hundreds of students surrounding you, but nothing more until Mingi gathered all of your friends together to play truth or dare in Changbin’s bedroom while the party downstairs was at its peak.

San thought it was the most childish thing in the world but he still sat down opposite of you and joined the game reluctantly. Only because you were there.

He didn’t know why he took so much interest in you or why his heart fluttered when your laugh echoed in the room or when you smiled sweetly at him. There was some sort of a pull as if you two were two opposites of a magnet about to collide and he couldn’t wrap his mind around what all of that meant, especially not after he had taken 5 shots as a penalty for refusing to answer Wooyoung’s invasive questions.

After a while, all of you had got bored and had just splattered around the room, engaging in quiet conversations with each other, enjoying the peacefulness of the night. Gathering his courage, San had approached you after your friends had left your side and he, once again, was surprised with himself. He truly thought you wouldn’t want to stay next to him on the floor in front of Changbin’s bed, but you did. You talked and talked and talked about anything and everything, you joked, you laughed and when you leaned on his shoulder, San thought his heart was going to explode.

It must be the alcohol. But it wasn't. San felt more sober than ever. He felt alive and the night was still young so after taking one more shot each, both of you went downstairs to join the party. 

And just like that, you were standing in front of him, the purple and blue neon lights illuminating your features and all San could do was try not to stare too much. The loud music, engulfing any other sound in the room, was drumming loudly and you swayed your body to the rhythm, laughing and holding San’s hands in an effort to make him let loose and have fun. It was working because he didn’t remember when he had had fun like that with anyone else. At a party. In Changbin’s house.

The more you danced, the more San was letting the butterflies in his stomach erupt. He believed dancing could reveal a lot about the person and he thought you were stunning. But he had already thought that at least a million times before. His drunken brain, however, couldn’t come up with many creative and showstopping compliments at that moment but mentally he made a note to tell you much more the next time he saw you which he hoped was going to be very soon.

Suddenly, a slower song started playing. San couldn’t really remember its name but the next thing he knew was that your hands were around his neck, his on your hips and you were both mere centimeters away from each other. Your soft shining eyes were looking at him with such intensity that he thought he was going to melt there and then. Slowly moving together, San felt as if you two were the only people in the room. 

The world had stopped spinning for a few moments, he could’ve sworn. Only you, your warmth and your shimmering eyes were all that mattered. His grip on you tightened and now you were closer than ever. San could feel your breath on his neck as you buried your head in its crook and your heartbeat (or was it his?) was pulsating between you two, making his cheeks burn. 

As the song came to an end and a new one started, you pulled away from him slightly, making him pout at the loss of contact. “San, I…”

San could swear he was going to pass out right there, in your arms, as your fingers dug into the back of his neck, brushing against his hair. His eyes were on your lips, still shining from the lipgloss you were wearing, and then he moved his gaze to your pleading eyes. You were so close, yet so far as San started leaning down slowly and then

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

San hadn’t heard a sound like that before. It seemed like a normal notification but it also sounded different. Maybe a bit higher? A bit more melodic?

And then you pulled away, leaving him breathing in and out slowly. What if that was the love alarm? Was it yours? Or his? Was he just hearing things?

“I’m sorry, I think Yunjin is calling me. I’ll go over to the kitchen to call her,” you said, raising your voice in an attempt to fight the noise and San nodded. It wasn’t as if he was going to just leave you. Especially not after what was about to happen before your phone had rung. 

He watched you make your way through the crowd and just now San noticed how many people were around you two. Maybe even your friends were somewhere here but he couldn’t recognise anyone, not while his brain was in this dazed state.

Taking out his phone with trembling hands to check for any texts, San furrowed his brows as he saw the top notification.

from 1111

Congratulations! You have found your match!

note ✧ here it is finally - san's pov! i wasn't really sure how to handle this situation and if i did it well; this was probably the hardest chapter to ever write just because i wanted to convey san's feelings and pov the best way possible and actually make it make sense and be valid 😭 he just needs a hug and so does reader :( dealing with feelings of any kind is never easy.

i really hope you liked this chapter (i rewrote it around 5-6 times) and feedback will be greatly appreciated because it's my first time writing something angsty like this 😭 i promise not to make it too painful from now on but a growth in both of them is needed so bear with me :<

taglist ✧ @flamingi @huachengsbestie01 @minihong99 @staytinyluv @luvpeachkes @gh9sty @dawn-iscozy @zaraxnid @latisthegenderfluidwannabealone

taglist is open! <3

[bumblingbabooshka]

I hate when Chakotay is watered down to be Janeway's yes man because their disagreements are actually very interesting. [A lot of rambling analysis of this debate in particular below]

Chakotay in Parallax is very interesting in that he has to navigate a lot of different dynamics. Balance a lot of plates while being watched keenly by everyone around him. Immediately preceding this scene we see him ask B'Elanna for her opinion on the bridge - both as a chance to show her knowledge in his bid to make her chief engineer (because she wouldn't get a chance to otherwise as Janeway has clearly indicated that at this point she views B'Elanna as a troublemaker who won't be considered for the position) and because he just thinks she's a better engineer than Carey and wants the best possible chance of them succeeding. Janeway sees this as unacceptable. Carey is the chief engineer and so he should be called and Chakotay NOT asking for his opinion is an insult to Carey, Janeway, and might make the crew doubt Chakotay (and by extension the Maquis') loyalty to the Starfleet crew.

At this point it seems that to Janeway integration ["They're not your people"] means the path of least resistance, specifically tailored towards the Starfleet crew. She wants Chakotay by her side to keep the Maquis crew calm but also seems unwilling to consider them for important positions aboard the ship. Though she says that the Maquis are not Chakotay's people, not his crew, she certainly doesn't seem to consider them hers [Compare this to later instances where she stresses 'our' crew, here she simply says they aren't Chakotay's: Whose crew are they? Are they crew at all?]. This less leaves the impression of "We need to be a cohesive team" and more "You're not in charge here." She essentially accuses Chakotay of playing favorites. In her mind Chakotay's actions are not conducive to integrating the crews which would (again, in her mind) mean the Maquis being docile and accepting, obedient and content - not making trouble for the Starfleet crew. Chakotay counters Janeway's accusation with one of his own: That he IS trying to integrate them into the crew but her not allowing the Maquis any opportunity to prove themselves or succeed, not showing any trust in any of them (except, implicitly at this point, him) is making things difficult. At this point the Maquis crew are ready to mutiny on his word at any time. He knows this for a fact. Aside from that looming threat (the threat being that tensions are high and if nothing changes and they remain high there might be a mutiny even without his word) - Chakotay knows these people and trusts them. Though Starfleet and Janeway think of the Maquis as a violent bunch of criminal terrorists, Chakotay and a good number of the Maquis joined because they believed in the cause they were fighting for. These are people Chakotay knows WILL fight fiercely for what they believe in and conversely, AGAINST what they perceive as injustice. Even if they're not in the majority - they're used to picking fights which seem impossible to win. At this point Janeway admits that she ISN'T making it easy for Chakotay to integrate the Maquis - specifically talking about practical concerns; how she doesn't feel she can let Maquis crew have roles of importance on the ship because they lack the ability to hold them. "They don't have the discipline, they don't have the training," - asserting that they just aren't prepared for any such roles and it doesn't have to do with them being Maquis specifically. Ostensibly, she's treating them as she might treat anyone unqualified for the job.

Chakotay maintains that some of them, like B'Elanna, have the ability to be trained - challenging her point by saying that IF they're trained there's no reason for any Maquis member NOT to be given a more prominent role on the ship. He isn't suggesting they just unqualified people important jobs. If the problem is that they aren't trained, let's train them. These people have the ability to succeed if you give them the tools they need and a fair chance, he insists. Janeway then switches gears and her argument becomes not "The Maquis are untrained so they can't be given those jobs" but "The Maquis crew are unworthy of those jobs when compared to Starfleet personnel" saying that it'll cause insult and upset among the Starfleet crew if any member of the Maquis were to be promoted above them. Again, her idea of integration is based more on Maquis subservience to the Starfleet crew than it is the two crews working together. (Not that I believe she looks at it that way, it's just where her 'path of least resistance' leads) - though she accuses Chakotay of being too focused on "his" crew, she is admitting here that she believes her real crew are the Starfleet officers aboard, not the Maquis. She also admits here that the system she wishes to maintain (and is asking Chakotay to enforce) is one where there will ostensibly never be any chance of a Maquis crew member being promoted because no Maquis crew member will ever be more qualified, more worthy, than a member of Starfleet. We can see how it'd be difficult for Chakotay to convince his crew to remain calm under these circumstances. There's also Tuvok's behavior toward him at the beginning of the episode where the Vulcan nearly goes over Chakotay's head and when he doesn't do so (as Chakotay reminds him that HE'S the superior officer, the First Officer in fact,) Tuvok acts as if him backing down (partially) and conceding (partially) to Chakotay's authority is a favor to Chakotay.

Tuvok in this conversation is downright insubordinate to Chakotay. Despite Chakotay being the first officer, he doesn't take what he says seriously, argues that his own opinion on what should be done should be followed rather than Chakotay's, lectures the first officer about his conduct, and then almost seems to threaten him with a report. In Starfleet's rigidly hierarchical rules, acting like this to a superior officer (ESPECIALLY the first officer) wouldn't be tolerated and Tuvok knows this perfectly well. He isn't a rebellious character and clearly in other episodes adheres to these Starfleet hierarchies and codes of conduct very strictly. He values them highly. But Chakotay, a Maquis, shouldn't be First Officer. Why should he be given respect for a title he didn't earn? [Affirming Janeway's argument about how Starfleet officers won't be eager to follow a Maquis senior officer] Even though Chakotay tells Tuvok off for it ["I don't have to explain myself to you"] he doesn't threaten to put Tuvok on report or explicitly mention his insubordination. It's unclear if this is Chakotay's personality or if he just doesn't feel he CAN do that. Tuvok is one of the three most senior officers aboard and very close to Janeway. Chakotay has to think of the optics of any situation at all times - we see seconds after this conversation that rumors have already started swirling around B'Elanna being relegated to quarters that've fanned the flames of mutiny. Though we know Tuvok has personal reasons for behaving the way he does toward Chakotay (which he later admits), I really don't think it'd be out of the ordinary for this to be how most Starfleet personnel would treat the Maquis if they weren't outright hostile: Like they're only pretend crewmen. To a lesser extent we even see this with Janeway: In the following staff meeting, she clearly doesn't consider B'Elanna a viable option when Chakotay brings her up and almost ignores the suggestion entirely.

It also, again, leaves Chakotay in an impossible position. If he doesn't protect and fight for the Maquis crew, they won't ever be considered a true part of the crew and dissatisfaction will likely spread among them. Dissatisfaction which the Starfleet crew will then use to further label the Maquis as insubordinate, uncontrollable, unfit. Not to mention that if he doesn't advocate for them, he might lose their trust. However, if he DOES try to help the Maquis crew advance the Starfleet crew will view this as 'favoritism' and will further distrust him, won't respect the people he puts forth as worthy. Janeway seems to be intent on not advocating for any of the Maquis crew and also seems unwilling to ask that the Starfleet crew grant leniency. She implies that the Maquis crew need to learn to get in line and keep quiet and it seems almost like [we must remember the optics] she has Chakotay as the only Maquis in a position of power to facilitate that. Chakotay recognizes and pushes against that, saying that he won't just be her token Maquis - there only so she can point to him and say "See? We don't discriminate against the Maquis here." effectively a tool used to shut down any arguments of unfair treatment and a tool to quell the Maquis if any talk of mutiny DOES arise. In this model, Janeway can just tell Chakotay to calm them down and they'll listen because they trust him. She also doesn't have to really listen to anything he says: A token First Officer has no authority; his words don't hold weight. [Chakotay isn't Maquis anymore, they aren't his crew anymore - ok. What is he then? What are they? Nothing, without respect.] This plan seems untenable, as much as Janeway frames it as sensible: "I can't make it easy, Commander. Surely you can understand that," and alternatives as impossible "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" - in the long run, how would this be sustainable? In any power structure, you cannot expect a group of people you're unwilling to grant trust or agency to obediently follow you forever. This proposed form of 'integration' in which the Maquis are kept on the bottom rung and told intermittently to stay there quietly by the only one of them granted permission to stand at the top would never be sustainable - especially with a group like the Maquis who again, were founded on the belief that its members should fight against inequity and are already on the verge of mutiny.

I specifically find the statement "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer just because circumstances have forced us together?" to be interesting because personally I'd say that being forced together for the rest of almost everyone's natural life is a pretty good reason to ask people to adapt and Janeway does understand this but only applies it to the Maquis - the Maquis are the ones who have to adapt, not Starfleet. The only thing the Starfleet crew have to do is tolerate their presence on board.

At this point Janeway again claims that if Chakotay can show her a 'qualified' Maquis candidate she'll consider them. I believe this is true but we already know that Janeway's standards for qualification will likely not fit the vast majority of the Maquis and Chakotay ignores the claim in favor of putting forth B'Elanna again, firmly. Janeway predictably dismisses her as unqualified and Chakotay disagrees, arguing that he knows her. He's worked with her. He KNOWS that B'Elanna can excel at the job even if she doesn't meet Starfleet/Janeway's qualifications. He doesn't value those qualifications over what he's observed about her - just as he didn't value Carey's title over what he knew about the gap between his and B'Elanna's abilities. Then, Chakotay switches gears. He admits that Janeway's right - he does view the Maquis as his crew but that's because Janeway (almost self admittingly) doesn't and if he doesn't, who will they have? [What kind of captain, kind of man, would he be?] "You're going to have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty." "Theirs or yours, Commander?" Janeway frames Chakotay's words pointing out the flaws in this plan which I outlined earlier, as almost a threat (if she doesn't have Chakotay's loyalty it'll most definitely mean mutiny). Chakotay asserts that it wasn't a threat, he's only trying to help by telling her how the Maquis crew will react to what she's telling him. "I'm sorry you can't see that" - not an apology for what he said but that she isn't willing to budge, not willing to listen to him and acknowledge that she might be as biased towards her crew as he is towards his. Chakotay is trying his best to acclimate his crew but if Janeway isn't willing to do the same, to talk to her people as he's talking to his, then this will not end well and that isn't a threat. It's just the reality of the situation. He then asks permission to leave, showing he is willing to observe Starfleet protocol (just as when he asked permission to speak freely), and Janeway lets him go, exhaling at the intensity of their debate when alone in her ready room.

[expelliarmus]

[boxwinebaddie]

uncle neen!!! welcome back omg i was so sad to see u disappear </3 hyh !!! i had a question i asked last time but i was wondering since ur rewriting ur fics, are u planning on posting them on tumblr? or on ao3? pls be kind to urself too<33

good MORNING, lovie!!!!~ <3 c':

( or whatever time it is, where you are at the moment! )

i'm very excited to announce that you are my very FIRST new ask message on my brand new blog!

( teri is my first follower; ly ter. <33 o//3//o )

***long overdue UN ramble-bramble under the cut. xx

i /do/ miss my six hundred bajillion ask memes and am mourning the loss of all my online creations and great joys as a deranged southpark fanfiction author and the legacy i built with my tiny, gay weird hands

( i will go into it another time, but i had a very, very frightening bipolar episode surrounding my blog and my role on here as a writer, friend and mentor to you all, deleted all my things in a horrible panic, was able to recover them...but in the -- what i hope is the *very last* -- after shock of my episode...i got very scared, very sad and deleted both my dearly treasured and beloved, beautifully cult followed by many of you and other ghosts of sp style fanatics past ao3 account**

**( with peppermint on it at 13k likes which...oh my god, please be gentle with me, that was a very, very hard blow and rough realization for me and i am sorry to everyone who loved that fanfiction and wanted to go back and read it for posperity and personal comfort...i miss her too; rest in peace, pep, my first born. my sweet girl. </3 )

...and most tragically of all, i deleted my tumblr blog, with over one hundred pages of carefully curated content surrounding my sp aus, your lovely, insightful and thoughtful questions and inquiries, also typed with your tiny, weird gay hands answered, in turn, with mine, torched the ev. of those memories in the final blast and lost my window into your world through that medium...

...which is literally heartbreaking to me, because more than even my silly fanfictions or my blog, what i loved to do, was talk to all of you and read your wonderful messages each day and remind myself of why i should be here and continue to do what i do. </333 :'''c

BUT! my darlings, as ravenstan would say, 'it's always darkest before crimson dawn', for the very first time in several weeks ( which, i fear, and i was, full of fear and horrible self loathing/dread every waking and nightmarish moment ), last night, i cried for a very, very, very, long time, held myself together in the broken places -- told myself and the girl i was that i loved her and i was going to take care of us and be brave -- and broke the fever ( a little off key like jersey kyle, but very lovely nonetheless; love you tone deaf king. x my sboyf. )

today, i woke up this morning and slept...PEACEFULLY and woke up PERFECTLY HAPPY AND RESTED...

AND SMILED. QUITE. WIDE!!!!~ :D

and that is a baby step, but it is a step in the right direction and also almost wanted to make me weep like a baby again because i literally have not felt happy or like i do not hate myself for like, i shit you not, over like 15-20 days...it was frightening and fucking horrible! SLAY!

nevertheless ( or the most, finally ) i am excited to welcome in a new era/year of change on my blog and within myself; which is an era of peppermint flavored 'hope i'm healing' in a delicious rem(ember) font.

unfortunately, because i nuked my ao3 account, i do not currently one atm, but am in the process of recovering it.

( i'm not condoning any kind of rude/uncivilized behavior bc people are allowed to do anything they want -- but i'd really like to get my user back and would appreciate it a lot if no one used it to create another ao3 account just because it would be confusing for my readers and disheartening to me to not be boxwinebaddie anymore. )

until then, i will be writing/drafting rem(ember) in my messy google docs, am storyboarding everything to the best of my ability ( which is not perfect, but nothing is -- except stan and kyle to each other -- but god loves a trier, which is why he hates me: i prefer hell where it's drier -- that way my girlfail guylinea will not run. xx )

KALE SEITAN! ;)

posting little snippets of it on here for all of you, probably put it here on my tumblr and post it up to ao3 if i can regain my account/one in general ( i am a little worried that because of how long it's been, the loss of all my followers and, what i assume, is a decreased public or tiktok generated interest in sp, it will do poorly; rip </3 )

-- but the point is...that i want to start doing stuff for myself now. and not because i think i should or create unnecessary stress/sadness surrounding my strength or weakness as a writer or person ( or like, beat the living shit out of myself every single day anymore )...

...so i am writing it slowly, carefully, synthesizing all the info i gathered from over a year of answering your questions ( which helped me develop my sp au styles and their worlds into the lovely, seemingly breathing paper machslayed things they are now ), am going to write the fanfiction i always/wanted/ to write ( i’ve always wanted to rewrite RM, but was so busy and overwhelmed with my blog/my irl stuff that i couldn't )

and i'm calling it...

<3

p.s. ( i love you ): i am going to give my grandmother a copy of the first chapter of peppermint for christmas because i wanted to do something special/sentimental for her and secretly push the gay middle school style agenda ( she is actually very woke and thought my uncle might be gay for a while when he was younger, haha xx ), but i want to give them different names, so that on the off chance it gets passed off to my mom, my dad or manages to travel by world of mouth ( my grandma has a tendency to gab, but i love her a lot ) that it can't specifically be traced back to my dead ao3 or my blog.

so if any one has any ideas for silly interesting names i could give my sons, names for other characters or south park in gen. hit me up! <33

thank you for your interest in my work -- and in me, in general. i love you all dearly, i hope you heal ( i know you will ) and smile, pendejos because got a lot coming up on that crimson dawn and a lot of crazy shit coming down on that *jersey i won't say i'm in luh megara vc*

~SCHARLET sLUt~

cheers! mazel! ;) xx

-uncle nina, in her healing era <3

[daz4i]

starting to consider the option that i may not be the worst person on earth and i actually may even be p decent. will keep you updated as i find out more information

[volfoss]

Actually sorry I need to bitch and moan about this. I've been reading the san.dman (do not ever do this to yourself it's a hell unimaginable by anyone) and like... I really think it's interesting how much ga/iman is praised as super progressive on Tumblr for THIS specifically when it has so so much bad in it. About 10 issues in I started a game with how many women were in the issue who survived/were raped/nearly raped and it was insane how little women did not fit into these categories. One black woman lived and the rest were all burned alive. And he then later gave an excuse that it was bc of how Dream imprisoned Nada (16 year old African queen who fell in love with him. Its a very big mess and really sucks) in Hell so of course it influenced the entire world and so every black woman but ONE (who was introduced in the second to last issue) died and died violently. Not even to get into how it plays into the really violent misogyny that he had during the short story he wrote around the end of San.dman (when he was in his mid 30s) that was literally just one graphic rape scene to a minor after another (his snow white retelling is pretty infamous bc of how bad it is just by the summary but let me tell you that it is FAR worse to read). Like there's so so much that I think people do not discuss with his writing and it honestly just is very baffling that people hype him up given well. Everything that happens in San.dman. like the endless alone has a lot of... Well let's say interesting issues. Every single woman dream comes across wants to fuck him (to the point that at his funeral, it's 90% the women he was with/wanted to be with him and then a little from his siblings????), despairs entire character is literally just that she's depressed and coincidentally the most prominent fat character (and also naked all the time. Which they did seem to fix in the show but it's baffling how it's like her, one serial killer who nearly raped a woman before dream stops him, a guy that dies and I guess Abel if you squint for the fat rep) and then desire oh my god. I wish desire was written well instead of here's our nonbinary/gender fluid/genderless rep (cool in theory!!!) and then the fact that it (in the original series, she uses he she and it pronouns) raped a woman is dropped on your head and he is not at all regretful about it and ends up like.. taunting the victims granddaughter??? And delirium my god if there was ever a representation for born sexy yesterday and also being weird as fuck about mental illness it would be her. She's barely clothed most of the time, referred to as very very young most of the time and her mental illness (vague) is just kind of used as a joke a lot of the time? Like it's a funny joke that she doesn't remember stuff or that she's overstimulated or that she's using the wrong words or talking like a child. It's really weird because all of these characters have potential but they aren't really ever treated that way. Me when I get him for every single woman treated horribly!!!!!

[circlesroundthemoon]

diska just ended????

[tardis--dreams]

Alright maybe my coworkers don't Actually hate me after all~

[lacomandante]

.

[snarkspawn]

Hi, I absolutely adore your art! I love how diverse all your faces are in particular! I'm a beginner artist myself and I was wondering if you have any resources that you think might be particularly useful for a beginner? Any drawing book recommendations? Thank you so much for your time!

Hey, and thank you so much! I do love drawing all kinds of faces so I'm glad you think so ♥

I'll admit I don't really have any resources like that on hand, I'd have to go and google for something like 'beginner art tutorials' and I think you can probably do that yourself haha you also know better where you're at right now and what exactly you're looking for. But!! the advice I can give you is to not give up even if art can (and will) seem like an uphill battle sometimes, and to just keep drawing. As much and as often as you can! It's worth it to keep at it (if it's something you enjoy doing anyway). And whenever you find an artist you like, try to take a closer look at their art. What exactly do you like about it? How do you think they did it? Is it something you can maybe try to incorporate into your own process? Experiment a lot, and have fun with it! :D

Also, there is a really great twitter thread making the rounds at the moment with artists of all stages sharing tips and tricks that helped them a lot in their own development. There's honestly a lot of amazing resources there that can make any artists' life easier if you want to scroll throgh the replies and quote retweets

[sysig]

The uh

The first play session went rather well

[doubletrucks]

back on my talking in the tags bullshit like it's 2015 🫡

[raycyel]

Could I interest you all in a crack UT/DR AU that my brain has been cooking up for like 2 years now where the dark worlds are occurring in the underground, Grillby takes Kris' place, and which exists exclusively because I am quietly obsessed with Grillby and needed a way to provide a "logical and realistic" way for Grillby/Swatch to happen?

[angstenthusiast]

Wsp angst -eli

:D Hiya Eli!! Nice to see you popping in on my tumblr page!!

I've been doing pretty okay, got the looming shadow of finals coming closer and closer as it prepares to hit me like a truck this week, but once that's all taken care of I'm hoping to just relax and look forward to Wild Kratts Season 7 coming the following week! :D

I hope you've been doing well too!! Thanks for checking in!! <3

Peace - Angst