#but I'm not mad at that a lot makes sense now however

[thedepressedjuggalette]

Arcane is a GOTHIC Show.

No, not Goth like Goth music, I mean GOTHIC as in Gothic Literature like Mary Shelly's Frankenstein, Robert Louis Stevenson's The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, or literally anything written by Edgar Allen Poe.

I am dead ass serious. Or maybe I'm just insane.(Spoilers ahead!!!)

Now it is okay if you didn't pick up on this, I am just one of those extremely weird kids that grew up reading Gothic Literature so much that it was almost an unhealthy obsession so I kind of spotted this within the first 6 episodes of the first season.

Now if you don't believe me when I say that Arcane is Gothic in nature I need to ask you this:

Did Arcane ask these simple questions:

What does it mean to be human?

What defines humanity?

When is a person too far gone?

Can grief ruin a person?

Can trying to help others turn to destroying others?

And can obsession turn to madness?

These specific questions are the very questions I've noticed pop up a LOT in OLD SCHOOL Gothic literature.

For instance Viktor is a lot like Viktor Frankenstein and Dr. Jekyll (more so Dr. Jekyll) in the sense that he slowly loses his humanity the further he pushes his research before finally falling to a destructive path. He quite literally loses himself to his own research and by his own research subject.

Singed (Dr. Ravick) is more Viktor Frankenstein than anything else. So obsessed with bringing the dead back to life. But whereas Frankenstein was obsessed with the idea of it that he never thought if he should. Singed found it merely to be nothing more than an illness needing to be cured because he couldn't stand the idea of losing his daughter.

Gothic Literature came out after the Romantic Literature Era, however in the Romantic Literature Era a lot of writers were protesting workplace mistreatment such as forcing children into working in coal mines and cleaning chimneys, along with the obsession of nature, Gothic Literature focused on the morality of Humanity, what it meant to be human and what defines us and how quickly a person can fall into insanity (aka mental health issues).

The first to start this was Mary Shelley over a small bet with her husband and several other authors. Her work was mortifying in comparison to the others because of what it forced the reader to think about.

Her work took place during the Enlightened Era where scientists were obsessed with Progress (Riot I fucking saw this shit coming, fuck you guys), and how if as a species can we become like god and make something from our own deaths and if we even should?

Shelley doesn't directly answer this but we actively see through her writing the death of a god -- Viktor Frankenstein -- because Adam (the monster) views his creator with contempt and disgust and thus demands his Eve despite Frankenstein's reluctance.

Can you imagine what Vander would've thought of Singed?

Can we really say that Vander would not view Singed as both his Savior and Destroyer. Can we even call Vander human? Or is he something else entirely? We can't call him a werewolf in the traditional sense, so what truly is he? He is the Adam of a species not meant to exist. Is he even Vander anymore or is he truly Warwick?

A lot of Poe's writing is very much about madness and grief. Well... To me anyways, it could just be my obsession with his poem The Raven (it reminds me of my great grandmother).

And I've personally in my own life seen how grief can destroy a person physically -- their despair destroying their physical health because that person feels their life died with that person. And I fear every day for my grandma to head down the same path that her sisters are when they pass.

But it's the mentality that the more subtle and at the same time the most extravagant thing to be destroyed through grief.

We see this repeatedly with Jinx and Vi.

They lost their stability the moment that their brothers and Vander died, and when Jinx thought Vi was dead.

They had already lost their bio parents, so this was another nail in their coffins. However Vi had no idea if Jinx was alive or dead and thus had that to hold onto despite being beaten bloody in an unstable environment that is prison.

Jinx however had her grief and trauma constantly lectured into her and had to form her personality around it. She even comments on it in episode 9 of season 1. Silco didn't know how to be a dad, but he was trying his best but he was a grown ass man when he had his personality reformation unlike Jinx who was like 10.

Her grief was haunting her and ruining her mental health.

I had recently learned that psychotic depression is a thing.

With her guilt and grief and PTSD eating her alive she was bound to go the road she went down. But what truly killed Jinx was the death of Isha.

I want to make it clear that I don't view Jinx and Isha's relationship as sisterly. I view it as maternal due to the comparisons between her and Silco and Isha to Powder.

However the point still stands.

She, like Silco, could not stand the mere idea of their child being in any sort of life threatening situation -- especially dealing with enforcers -- and thus would jump to protect them. But they both fail at the end in many ways.

Vi literally stopping Jinx from getting Isha out of there, and Silco being unable to stop Vi from triggering Jinx's PTSD.

And there's one more thing about Jinx we need to address...

If there is one thing I know about bullying and brainwashing is that if you keep telling someone they're worthless etc. one day they're going to believe you, and you cannot be surprised they do and when they act accordingly. Especially when the victim is a child. This is why suicide in children and teens is so devastating and cannot be fixed with religion or weird as hell wrestlers or stupid manosphere podcasts.

We don't know how long Powder had to put up with Mylo's bullying of her, but telling by her reaction to and how the loudest and most negative voice she hears from her hallucinations is his voice... I'd have to say that it started from the moment they met up to his death and it was sealed when Vi hit her and called her a Jinx.

"Who truly made Jinx?" is a question that has been brought up by everyone and their mother by this point. Some agree with the character herself when she said that it was Vi. Others agree with Silco when Jinx stated that Silco thinks he made Jinx.

Some reading this might say "Oh my god was it Mylo???"

I disagree on all fronts.

There is one video essay I keep coming back to because anyone with any sense of media literacy will outright point this same shit out but not as... Artfully as the essay itself.

It is called "Arcane, a Monster Factory" and it starts out with a single statement:

"Piltover breaks people."

And ends with a terrifying statement:

"Sometimes when I can't sleep at night, I start to think that maybe Piltover is more realistic than I'd like to think..."

It wasn't a single person that made Jinx. It was the entire city.

I want to point to Episode 7 to show you what I mean.

Without the death of Grayson but instead the death of Vi and without the creation of Hextech and Silco choosing to forgive Vander, Powder herself changed for the better and never needed to become Jinx. Rather she focused her energy on helping everyone around her -- and not taking time for herself in the process but we've always seen this even in Jinx. She focused on helping Silco then jumped to just trying to destroy for the sake of destroying only to end up helping the under city without meaning to, only to help Isha, and never really helping herself.

No matter what she'd have liked to think, she could've done wonders. Viktor even said so himself. She could do a lot to help his commune with her talents.

Even said it when he was looking at her bomb for the first time, calling her work "inspired".

She is talented but her talents never got the chance to truly shine.

Imagine what she and Ekko could've done if they were able to attend Piltover's academy.

But as stated before, Piltover breaks people.

Piltover made Jinx.

And in a cruel twist of fate it made the two people who cared about her the most hold the blame for the city's actions.

The ending of Arcane was fumbled when it came to Jayce's speech to Viktor and I'll stand by that because it was the fault of Piltover for Viktor having a preventable disease and thus leading to his obsession with avoiding death and avoiding needless suffering.

But in this ending these two science husbands did ask the one question that truly defines Gothic Literature.

What does it mean to be human?

And it's answer is one that I am unsure about because no one can truly define the human experience. The experience of life. The grief. The pain. The love. The joy. All of it.

In my own fanfic for a completely different fandom I had two characters talk about emotions. One couldn't truly feel emotions while another could. It took me a long while to try to figure out how to answer the question of "What is it like to feel emotions?"

It's hard to answer, isn't it?

I did figure it out though, having to take a page out of Kindred's playbook. But it was one I was very satisfied with.

It is questions like these be them asked through subtle writing cues, or blatantly asked by the characters themselves, they define Gothic Literature to me.

Arcane is the beautiful marriage of Greek Tragedy and Gothic Literature.

[20001541]

this tidbit from the hori interview is interesting...

you know I do remember him saying something a while back too that during the time when he focused on the villains during the forest training arc readership died down and so he began panicking. however, this is the first time where he's ever said this about the kamino fight.

it is interesting how he decided to include the afo and all might fight sooner because of this, despite having plans for them to fight later on in the future.

honestly I've always thought it was a weird decision by afo to fight all might directly when he's still severely weakened from their previous fight and has taken careful measures to avoid him for the last 5 years when he could've just teleported himself out of there with the others. during the entire fight he was struggling barely being able to stay on his feet if you recall how there are several panels where we see him swaying. I thought it was his ego pushing him to fight but I stand corrected I guess.

this explanation makes sense though, and honestly afo vs all might at kamino was one of the best parts of the manga so I can't mad at this even if I think this decision hurt afo's character a bit. it kept him out of the spotlight for a long time causing him to fade from many people's minds as they believed that was the end of his character. even hori admitted it was framed like a final boss fight.

it's why so many readers got mad when all of a sudden he became relevant once more with the body possession and prison break stuff as kamino seemed to be his last stand lol. so I think this decision resulted in a lot of animosity towards his character, but it worked out fine in the end I think. at least in my opinion.

I will say though I feel vindicated in that so many "afo ruins the entire story" people were insisted hori just forced into the plot afo last minute and the original plan was for him to stay in tarturus. as we can see here though, that wasn't the case and hori meant for afo to return after kamino to fight all might for a long time so 😆

[mattsdolll]

omg for soft bf matt x childish gf you should do like an angsty blurb of her being all hyper and bubbly and he came home from work tired and upset from something that had happened and he accidentally snaps at her and she gets all emotional and he feels bad and he gets all soft again and they live happily ever after 😭🥰

warnings : arguing, swearing

matt shifted his weight uncomfortably in his seat, huffing softly. he had been filming the entire day, driving his brothers around 24/7. to say he was irritable was an understatement. and to top the entire day off, the camera died and he lost a lot of footage for the upcoming video they had planned. great.

you however, spent the day relaxing, doing your nails, curling your hair, enjoying your alone time. you felt so refreshed and clean. you knew matt was coming home soon, so you decided to make him his favorite food – pasta. it wasn't much, just a small pot, enough for the both of you.

the sound of the car pulling up, followed by the garage door being shut gruffly startled you. matt was already bickering with chris.

"you really know how to make someone's day shit, don't you? you just had to hold the camera, now we lost half the fucking footage!"

matt snapped, tossing his backpack down on the sofa. he didn't even notice you standing there. he'd never come home so upset before. you didn't know what to do. chris followed in sheepishly, an apologetic look written across his face.

"hi baby-"

you started, your voice a small whisper. matt turned around to face you, looking like he was about to snap. your eyes widened in slight fear.

"do you ever shut up? i'm clearly busy, just wait for once."

he snapped once again. tears brimmed your eyes as you nodded slowly, walking away. you knew he was stressed out but this? this was a bit much, he'd never snapped at you. you wondered if it was somehow your fault – maybe you upset him earlier when you forgot to clean the bedroom up, or last night when he had to tidy the dinner table.

you devided to let him cool down for a while, before gently padding up to the door of the bedroom. you anxiously pushed it open, your voice a soft whisper

"matt? can i come in?"

he looked up, his expression much softer – almost guilty. he nodded swiftly, slowly opening his arms. he mouthed a soft "please" as you approached him. he brought you into a soft embrace, embarassedly dipping his head down into your neck.

"i'm so sorry..i'm so sorry sweetheart, i dunno what came over me earlier, no excuse for me takin' my stress out on you, 'm sorry."

he mumbled against your skin, repeatedly pressing ever so sweet kisses to your cheek. you eased into the touch, accepting his genuine apology.

"it's okay, i'm not mad"

he made it up to you with whispers of adoration, actions of affections. you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards him. yes, he got upset at you. yes, it hurt your feelings slightly. but he was mature enough to apologize. that's what you adored the most about him

tags !

@mattscoquette @blahbel668 @emely9274 @pearlzier @wompwomp-1

@bernardsgfs @sturnsxplr-25 @aesthetixhoe @jetaimevous @alyrasturnz

@adorsturns @cvntytiger @d0e-b4by @lysielaced @zay-sturns

@lanaswifeyy

[cupidkenji]

Doctor, Doctor, please listen!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Chubby!Fem!reader Cw; Tension (I tried), cursing, the smallest physical description of reader in the last portion (just mentions their stomach going over their pants), reader has scars from previous cases, rivals to lovers?, lmk if i'm missing smth Summary: 3 times you called him doctor, 3 times he wonders why. Disclaimer: Reader is always written with a chubby/bigger person in mind but I don't really ever describe their bodies that much cause it's x READER and every body has a different body <3 WC: 3,596 I am literally so obsessed with criminal minds somebody save my soul OBLIVOUS IDIOTS WHO WANT EACH OTHER MY BELOVED. Title from mad hatter by Melanie Martinez don't even @ me for that

1.

“...she will be an important part of making your team function quicker. We fought hard to get her here. I ask that you all treat her with respect and not make me intervene.” 

Strauss finished her introductory spiel with a familiar “mom-glare” towards the team, walking away once she finished her speech. Unfortunately, her departure left you standing alone in front of the most intimidating man you’ve ever seen and four of his team members. You had been practically still until now. You hated the pressure of everyone’s eyes on you, causing a general freeze response to the stress of a new team. Fawn, you thought, the newest addition to the fight or flight categories and also the lovely thing forcing you to practically disassociate in front of your new boss and co-workers. 

“Welcome, Dr. L/N. We’ve heard good things. I’m Aaron Hotchner, I supervise the team.” He was leaning on the table before he stepped forward to shake your hand as he spoke. “This is Emily Prentiss, Jenifer Jareau, Derek Morgan, and Doctor Spencer Reid.” He pointed towards the corresponding people as he spoke of them. “Agent Rossi is away right now, and you’ll meet our T.I. later…she’s been excited.” If you hadn’t been good at your job, you’re sure you would have missed the way his lips turned up slightly at the edges when mentioning the woman. He didn’t seem so scary anymore, more like a father of the team. You’d been expecting a drill sergeant - your last team leader could have given a bull a run for it’s money with how much aggression that guy had. You welcomed the rush of excitement you felt at the discovery, mentally shaking off the stiffness you were carrying. 

“I’m happy to be here, sir. I’ve heard good things about the team, too. Your boss seems to think highly of your capabilities.” You addressed the room as you spoke. Public speaking was a skill you were still trying to master, so you practiced whenever you could. 

Your statement earned a chuckle from the table. Nobody bothered to explain the reason. You figured it was too much history to sum up on the spot. Your eyes wanted to linger on Reid. He seemed so young, and you wondered if he’d been told that his entire career - lord knows you had too. A fellow doctor. You assumed he was a bit of a stickler about the title, as even his boss kept it tacked onto his name when introducing him. You’d originally hoped to find some comfort in the man, on the surface he seemed a lot like you. He was probably too smart for his own good as well. Given the way he was staring at you, though, you felt the realization sink in that the man had no intention of welcoming you. 

“Why exactly do we need another profiler?” His voice held no malice as he spoke in the direction of his boss. There was more curiosity in his voice than anything, however you did pick up on the sense of superiority that sat just beneath the surface of his words. You guessed that’s how he behaved generally - as though he was superior. Still, your head tilted slightly to the side at the question. 

Damn. Tough crowd. 

You saw the intake of breath in Hotchner as he prepared to defend your place here but you spoke before he could start. “While I am a profiler, sir, first and foremost I am a psychiatrist - a doctor. As I’m sure you heard from Strauss, the board is unhappy with your recent efficiency rates and would also like to aid your team in dealing with mental health crises. I’ve spent my entire life studying the effects and conditions of the mentally diseased brain. I’ll be able to tell you the most efficient and effective way of interacting with these individuals, along with more accurately predicting their actions and methodology. I’m an agent, I took the same oath everyone here did but I was brought here for my expertise.” You were on a bit of a tangent, you knew that, but something about the smug feel of the man forced an emergence of competitiveness. He looked at you so indifferent, and you couldn’t help the tiny sparks of anger lighting beneath your skin. You kept a friendly disposition towards the man - you were a professional, after all, not a teenager - but you sensed a rivalry sprouting it’s roots.

The others at the table suppressed their smiles or looked down to hide it. Nobody had ever challenged Spencer like that. They could all feel he was a tad bit territorial. He was the guy people went to when they needed to know something. He was the Doctor of the group. They didn’t think he would take too kindly to another one encroaching his land. They saw the way he was tense, even more so after you responded. It was a riveting sight, though. The lot of them saw Spencer as a younger brother, and him meeting his match was something they were all so excited to see.

“Play nice, pretty boy.” Derek muttered to him, Spencer was slightly slouched in his chair now, not losing sight of you. Derek followed suit, turning his attention towards you. “We’re glad to have you, Doctor. We’ve spoken about an addition like you before, I’m glad to see the higher ups finally listened. I look forward to working with you - excuse me.” He left once his phone rang. 

The others took his exit as an excuse for their own, everyone giving you a warm welcome as they left. You reciprocated happily, telling everyone they could just call you by your first name, never having been one for titles. ‘There’s one difference.’ You thought, even your internal dialogue was bitter. Aside from him, there was a warmth here that you had been desperate to find in your last team. If you had to work passive aggressively with one uptight man in exchange for a team like this - you were going to take that deal. 

He refused to leave it seemed. He just sat looking inquisitively at the table, occasionally extending his stare to look at you before returning. How did you two end up alone in this room?

“Are you gonna have a problem with me, Doctor?” You shifted slightly on your feet. A notoriously nervous sign, one he definitely picked up on.

He stared again. It was his mind that kept him rooted in his seat. You were fucking alluring. He’d never met someone so like himself in his line of work. He was being a dick and he knew it but it seemed to be instinctual - some type of precaution, maybe. He didn’t know why you were being so respectful. Doctor. God, he didn’t know if the title had ever sounded so good being directed at him. His frustration only rose as he thought on the issue more. He wasn’t welcoming, it would be so easy to drop the formality, something he knew you knew would get on his nerves. But you didn’t. It didn’t seem like a question of dignity. You didn’t seem like the type to refuse a little pettiness - he sure wasn’t the type either. A thought stirred, an unsafe one he wanted to squash immediately but one he also couldn’t help but lean into. Did you want a power imbalance?

“No.” He stood abruptly, obviously still focused on the thoughts in his head. “Welcome to the team.” He addressed you one last time and then walked out of the room.

You followed shortly after, ready to make home on your couch and be done with being the newbie for the day. Your stress would follow you home, though, as the last thing you heard before you left the building was “Oh my god they’re perfect for each other.”

2.

The first few weeks were always the hardest. This was something you knew and were prepared for but it did nothing to calm your nerves. You’d been on countless missions having worked this job for a while now, but this was an entirely new dynamic to learn. You were an outsider for the first time in four years and it was scary. This case was shaping up to be a rough one, too. A man was having delusions telling him to kill. An extremely rare manifestation of his Schizophrenia, only elevated by the newly acquired aspect of him being an insomniac. 

Spencer hadn’t ceased being headstrong in cases either. Every time you wanted to help he made it his mission to overcompensate in order to snuff you out. On the contrary, he’d warmed up to you a little. It wasn’t major, he barely held any positive feelings toward you, but barely was better than not at all, so you coped. You two had managed a couple small talk conversations outside the battle of one-upping that you were currently losing. You absolutely hated it, but you liked him. You liked him a lot, actually. You don’t know when in the past few days that anger morphed into fondness but it had shifted hard. The casual dominance he exuded drew you in like a porchlight lures a moth. You doubted the opposite proved true for him, and that stung. You came to enjoy the banter, the competition, even if you were always playing the losing hand. It was the only way to get his undivided attention and the feeling of his eyes on you started to follow you home. 

You thought a lot about how you could get the relationship to pivot into something better. You didn’t want to be the girl he bickered with at work. You didn’t know what it was you wanted but you knew that your current fate sounded horrid. He was an ass, though, and he did not make it easy to admit those feelings. Every time he undermined you, you grew more attached and also more angry at yourself for doing so. It was because he’s so much like you, you thought. You knew from the way he interacted with his team that he wasn’t a cold guy, didn’t hold malice towards people for no reason. He needs time. He needs to know you, and God how badly you wanted to know him. 

You had sustained good relations with everyone the past few weeks you’ve been here. Meeting Garcia and Rossi had been a treat - both of them being delightful company. You’d heard them whispering about you and Spencer when they thought you weren’t around. The whole team seems to think that you’re basically fated to be together. It was unnerving how comforting that thought was to you. You hoped they were right. 

Spencer hoped they were right too. He’d heard the same whispers you had, chastising the team when he got the chance as if he didn’t think about you every moment he could. His eyes seemed to naturally land on you if you were around. He watched you walk around the bureau more and more lately, enjoying the gained confidence in your step as you cemented your place in the team. The sway of your hips or the swing of your arms. You mesmerized him no matter what you did. One time he got so caught up in his thoughts of you that Prentiss had to check he wasn’t having a silent panic attack. He clung to his sense of resentment, tried so hard to remind himself of the feelings he had when he first met you - you were beautiful, of course you were - but you were on claimed land and he was anything but eager for you to make home on it. That had faded fast, seeing how kind you were, scrambling to help and earn respect from everyone. The only reason he kept up the act of  “man who wants you gone” was so that he could keep talking to you. Spencer was a genius but he didn’t know how to handle someone like you. He’d been interested in girls before, hell he’d had girlfriends before but it had never felt like this in such little time. Such intense infatuation was crippling for someone who’s brain worked in patterns - this was new ground for him. 

“Everybody suit up. We have Foster’s location and we need to move quickly. He’s going after the source of his rage and we don’t have time to spare.” Hotch came down the stairs two at a time, spurring the team into action. 

“This man is highly dangerous but also highly deluded. The cases I’ve read similar to this say it’s best to speak gently. He’s sick but he can be reasoned with.” Spencer pulls from his memory as he sets his ‘FBI’ vest into place on his chest. 

“No, not this time. This man is too severe, his mind is too far gone. If these hallucinations of his are strong enough for him to touch them it’ll be extremely easy for him to rearrange or imagine your words differently. You need to be loud, direct, and assertive. Speak as little as possible. The quieter you are, the easier it will be for him to change what you’re saying in his head.” You also spoke while putting your vest on. You didn’t carry a weapon - a personal vow of yours, as you were more than classified to - so there were no holsters to fill. The contradictions between the two doctors of the team made everyone hesitate even though they lacked the time to do so.

Spencer looked at you, slightly out of breath from working so quickly. “You’re questioning my memory?” 

“I’m not questioning your memory, Doctor. I’m questioning your sources. There’s a higher risk level if we do what you’re suggesting. Let me do my job.” You made the final adjustments to your attire as you finished speaking. You returned his eye contact for just a beat too long, letting the others rush out of the building while you stood your ground, the two of you begrudgingly following after them a moment later.

You had been assigned a different car than him for the ride over. ‘Thank God’ was the only thing you could think when you saw him heading to the other SUV. After another confrontation - another public one, at that - you weren’t sure you could handle being pressed leg to leg with him in the backseat. Your words were a looping record in his head as he rode towards Foster. They were about to attempt a hostage negotiation with a man seeing people who weren’t there but all he could think about was that fucking word you refused to drop. 

I’m not questioning your memory, Doctor

You had to be doing this on purpose, he thought. He originally believed this had started because you knew stripping him of his beloved title would cause irritation. Now he suspected you knew how badly he wanted his name in your mouth and this was your way of torturing him. ‘It’s working.’ He thought. God was it working. He agreed with his team, you were perfect for him. You had knowledge to match his, kept him on his toes. One time the start of a ramble slipped through his “I don’t like you” façade and he felt his heart speed up at the genuine interest that roused in your eyes. You wanted to know him and he was an idiot for all the shit he was doing. 

He wasn’t surprised when your strategy worked and Ben Foster was taken into custody. You were the one to talk him down, and if you hadn’t already been accepted to the team, he knew then and there that they needed you. You were flawless. He knew you’d been doing this as long as he had and it showed. He pleaded with himself to stay focused, zeroed in on the weight of the gun in his hand to save face. His mind never left you, though, much like his eyes. This was the expertise you spoke of - no wonder they fought hard to get you here. 

“You were excellent in there.” It was just the two of you now. Even in the dull, flashing police lights, you were breathtaking. “Good job.” He said. Then he walked away because he was on the brink of kissing you and didn’t feel like breaking about 18 workplace rules while at the scene of a crime. You wouldn’t have been complaining if he did.

3.

Every time something like this happened it was difficult to remind yourself that not carrying a weapon was a choice you made willingly. You were currently sitting in the back of an open ambulance, about to be hoisted onto a stretcher and driven to the ER for stitches. You’ve been with the BAU for almost 3 months now and have miraculously managed to avoid injury in that time. This had been one of the easier cases. No chases or clues to follow, just a sick man who left a fairly obvious paper trail. You were the speaker on almost all cases. You were in charge of de-escalating a situation, making sure the bomb didn’t blow. You’ve never carried a weapon, always preferring to take the wounds of a job over using a gun to back up your words. You were a psychiatrist, you wanted to make people better, not vilify them. It worked, usually. People did tend to trust you more when you were unarmed. This time, though, it got you stabbed.

It wasn’t a bad injury, the blood had already stopped and was mildly dry by the time Spencer was joining you. Just one more scar to your collection. It was to the side of your quad, missing any artery by miles and just serving as a pain source at this point. A little numbing and some stitches and you’d be right as rain is what the doctor in the ambulance had said. 

“What happened?” He spoke softly to you. There wasn’t a rivalry between you two, not really. The banter hadn’t stopped, but it changed. It was playful and actually fun now. The both of you weren’t obsessed with outdoing the other anymore. Some casual boastfulness and a budding friendship is where you were at with him currently. 

“I got stabbed.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.”

He exhaled like he couldn’t comprehend the stupidity of your answer. You laughed at that. One enjoyable pastime you’d picked up in the past month was trying to bewilder him. The EMT said he needed to check the rest of your body for injury despite your protest of such a procedure. It was typical and you knew that, but you held onto the fear of your own body that middle school gave you. There was a man you liked here, and the thought of him seeing the bit of stomach that hung outside the waistline of your pants scared you more than you thought it would. You forced yourself to be rational in spite of this. It was Spencer, you wanted to be seen by him. 

“Holy shit.”

You chuckled at that. You forgot that maybe a warning was in order for the amount of scars that littered your stomach.

“Probably should have told you about those.” There were dozens. You amassed a countless amount of scars over the course of your job. Stab wounds, bullet grazes, burn marks. Unsubs, as much as you tried to empathize, were often violent at the end of the day and usually lashed out before they could be helped. 

He was staring - well, gazing more like. Not like someone stares at a car accident on the freeway but instead how someone stares at the moon - awe. He was in awe of you. Your strength, your courage, the fact that you went through all these individual events and still chose not to arm yourself. Some of these were in places that could have been fatal, and he thanked whatever entity may be listening that you persevered, begged them to continue that streak. He crashed hard into the desire to touch you, to run his hands over what little of your past he could see. He wondered if you would let him. If you’d fit into his palms the way he thought you would - if that was something you even wanted. The EMT was gone by now, having moved to the passenger seat for the ride to the hospital. 

“Could I - " He hesitated for a moment, this was definitely the wrong question to ask. “Can I touch you?”

Your eyes glazed over slightly. Jesus. You felt your lips part a little.

“You want to?” Genuine surprise. You didn’t think you looked particularly desirable in your current state. He wanted to touch your fucking scars. Who does he think he is?

“Please.” He was looking at you in a way you hadn’t seen before. His eyes were glazed over too. You held his eyes as you nodded. The heat was so stifling that you laughed just a little at the tension.

“Fucking hell, Spence.”

Blood shot to his ears when you said his name. It had been well worth the wait to hear you say it like that - breathy and confused and so fucking pretty that he wondered how he ever lived before you said it. 

“Will you tell me about them?” He was breathy too, but he wouldn’t have you here, not like this. He just needed to feel you. 

“I’ll tell you anything you want, Doc.”

His hands were warm. It wouldn’t be the last time you felt them.

[noira-l]

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

⋆ ★ '𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞' - 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

chapter summary: You are falling into darkness and meaninglessness. Satoru refuses to let you do that.

pairing: gojo satoru x f!sorcerer reader

warnings: hurt/comfort, lots of comfort, after 'premature death', after suguru deflection, describtion od depression, apathy, lost meaning in life, slight eating disorder, sleeplesness.

author's note: We finally get to see his softer side, though as is his fashion, he does it in his own way.

4 months after Suguru defected

"I know that the situation that happened has left its mark on you, however, you must not give up like this."

Yaga had been trying to reach you in his office for several minutes. To no avail. Your gaze was still blank, staring at a single point on his desk since you sat down, it didn't seem like you were present in any way.

Silence. You didn't answer anything. Just as you always do.

This is not your first meeting with your Sensei. Yaga has been trying to make his way to you for about a month.

A void in your head, so great and black that it swallowed you whole. Your body indifferent to every sense that reached you, you did not analyse it at all. If Satoru hadn't dragged you here, literally holding your hand and leading you, you wouldn't have come here at all. You didn't have the will or the strength for it.

Everything stopped at that moment. It ended. There was nothing left. Anything important and beautiful in your life was taken away from you by the terrible malice of fate. Your house burnt down. Your beloved had descended into madness. You no longer had anything to care about. Your entire past no longer mattered. Everyone is literally dead.

Even you died that day.

You wondered what was still alive.

Or at least that's how you explained it to yourself, unable to accept that the same person who promised you the world had just taken it away from you.

You were lifeless. It didn't take much to conclude that.

All that remained was a fragile, frail and empty shell of a person once filled with love, dreams and passion.

You no longer had the strength to cry, or to utter any words. If it wasn't for Shoko, you wouldn't even eat, and if it wasn't for Gojo, you probably wouldn't sleep.

You could smile altogether now. The world of jujutsu never broke you, the person you loved did. But you didn't, even though it crossed your mind.

What an honour to be the exception to the rule.

Yaga sighed leaning against his expensive chair.

"(Y/N)." he called out, though you didn't even flinch "I don't want you to end up like this. As your teacher, I recognises your self-doubt as his personal failure. The situation that has befallen you is a very difficult one and I understand that you would need time to get things back to normal."

He leaned towards you "However, in this world we live in, we cannot afford such a luxury." you knew his eyes were drilling into you.

"It has been more than four months. Your condition is not improving, only getting worse. At your request, I have specifically let you skip part of your training." you heard him grinding his teeth, but not out of anger, but out of helplessness "I'm doing my best not to send you on missions in this condition, because I know that even if something attacks you-" he paused.

-you won't even try to defend yourself.’ you finished for him in your head.

He was right, you knew it, and so did anyone who would just look at you. You lost a lot of weight, your skin turned pale got a shade of gray, and your eyes lacked their former spark.

You could see that Yaga, in that silence, couldn't find the right words. When he opened his mouth to say something, you finally muttered, pausing his speetch.

"But Sensei, you should…" you raised your gaze from the one point where it was cumulative to look the man deep in the eyes

"..let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway."

★ --

Yaga sat in his office, surrounded by a silence that seemed to deepen his worries. Outside the window, the rain drummed against the glass as if to wash the weight of anxiety from his soul, but it only deepened his sense of helplessness.

Your words, haunted him.

‘Let something finish me off. It's all meaningless anyway' constantly echoed in his mind, like a silent cry of despair that gave him no peace.

Never before had he seen such emptiness in someone's eyes - an emptiness that testified that all hope, all will to fight, had been sucked out of you.

He was incapable of seeing Geto Suguru roll into a similar spiral.

It was a failure that has pursued Yaga, reminding him of the fragility of the human mind.

You are reminder of that too.

Now he saw the same symptoms in your - empty eyes, unresponsive to sensory input, avoiding contact with others.

Every day when you came to training was like seeing a ghost moving among the living, unable to fully return to life. You was physically there, but you soul seemed to be elsewhere, trapped in a place you couldn't get out of.

In this state, Yaga knew he had to seek advice from others.

He must act. He will not make this mistake again.

You will not be a case to regret.

And he had a lot of them.

He was the first to go to Shoko. He met her in the corridor, as busy as ever with her work, locked in a world where medicine was everything.

"Shoko, have you tried to talk to her? Something about her condition?" he asked, although he already knew the answer. Shoko sighed, not stopping for a moment.

"I'm not good at such conversations." she replied briefly, looking at him fleetingly, as if those words would explain everything. Yaga knew that Shoko was doing as well as she could, but he also knew, that she was avoiding emotion like a fire. She couldn't help you in this battle that was going on inside. She was only capable of healing you on the outside.

The next stop was Nanami. Always serious, always composed, Nanami was someone who could be counted on in the most difficult of times. However, when Yaga asked him the same question, the answer was equally overwhelming.

"I understand what she is going through. I've tried to reach out to her, but… she's silent. I don't know how I can help her when she won't talk.’" there was a note of helplessness in Nanami's voice that had never been there before. Yaga knew that he sympathised with you, that he had tried, but that he himself could not break through this invisible barrier you had built around yourself.

Last was Satoru, always the enigmatic one, always full of contrasts. Yaga found him in one of the training rooms as he watched the younger students' classes.

"Satoru, did you talk to her?" he asked, knowing that Gojo was someone who could see more than others.

"I don't talk. I just sit by her when she's awake. That's all I can do." replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yaga felt a mixture of relief and sadness upon hearing these words. Satoru, in his typical style, had found a way to be beside you, but even he, with all his unlimited potential, could not pull you out of your state.

★ --

3 weeks after Suguru defected

Gojo was initially not supposed to get so involved.

He kept repeating to himself that he wasn't good at such things, that he didn't know how to talk about such topics, couldn't find a solution for you or show you something he should.

Your storm you showed him that day left a mark in him. It awakened something in him. He couldn't deny it. He just kept living in the belief, that he wasn't capable of doing anything about it. He didn't feel that there was anything in him that he could offer to help you. He never knew what to say, he never knew what to do. He felt hopeless about it. Satoru was not the kind of person who makes the same mistakes twice or never learns from them.

He blamed himself for Suguru's departure. He felt that his corruption was his fault. His lack of attention, his lack of interest, his powerlessness - his failure to adapt to such situations.

Gojo Satoru was the strongest, that was the reason he was born. It was what he was made for.

He was not made to come into contact with the problems of humanity, he was always above others, he never touched such topics. And now here you are. In front of him. You are showing him this.

You bring him closer to this subject, you prove to him that he, despite his title, is still human.

He feels exactly what you feel.

You are proof that the feelings he has inside him - make him human.

What ultimately made him abandon the idea of leaving the subject to himself was the sight of you. Soaking wet for long moments on the training field.

He saw you from a distance, as he walked with Shoko to class. He separated from her to letting her go ahead, saying he would catch up with her. The rain was dark and heavy. he didn't need an umbrella, so he walked throught it like was nothing. A white beam of light, walking throught the dark.

The sight of you, sitting on the training field with a bamboo sword, completely soaked - stuck in his mind. It was an image that spoke more than a thousand words. You were physically there, but spiritually you seemed to be far away, in a place where no words could reach you. Satoru, though usually full of energy and humour, this time simply walked up to you and without a word took your hand, pulling you out of the rain. You didn't even defy him as the force lifted your body and made you float slightly above the ground.

He sat you down in his room, giving you a towel to dry you off. Gojo left for a while, leaving you covered in towels and a warm blanket.

He quickly teleported to the kitchen, to brew a mug of warm tea for you. He waited patiently for the kettle to boil the water, tapping his fingers against the kitchen counter in thoughtfulness. He thought about bringing Shoko to you, as you might have caught a cold. Suguru had mentioned that you catch such colds quite easily.

As he moved back, he set his mug down on his notebook-cluttered desk and looked at you. You stood at the window, watching the rain that had kept the world quiet all day today.

"Why the rain?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation. You did not answer immediately, still staring at the raindrops reflecting on the window.

After a moment, you raised your gaze, looking at him with a blank stare. "Because the rain is clean. It washes everything away. Maybe if I stood there long enough, it would wash me away too." Satoru felt his heart squeeze with pain at those words, but he didn't allow himself to have any emotional outbursts.

You sat like this for a long time, he beside you, looking out at the rain. In the silence that surrounded, he could feel how devastated you were, how much you had lost the will to live. He knew that these feelings would not disappear overnight. He was aware of that.

So from that moment on, Satoru implemented a plan that seemed strange and effective, exactly his style.

★ --

1 month after Suguru defected

The first month was a time of anticipation and patience for Satoru.

When he first entered your room, he felt the dense atmosphere almost overwhelm him. The quiet, enclosed room seemed as if trapped in time. You were sitting on the bed, your back turned to the door, shoulders tense. It was clear that your thoughts were far away.

Satoru closed the door behind him, then took a seat against the wall, far away from you, right next to the door. He sat down on the floor, pulled his gameboy out of his pocket and began to play, pretending it was a normal everyday situation.

At first you did not even look at him. Your gaze remained fixed on one point, as if you were trying to find a meaning in it that you could not find anywhere else. Satoru, however, was not bothered by this silence. He concentrated on the game, allowing you to get used to his presence while giving you space. Managing the space was his special skill.

Every day he would spend a few dozen minutes in your room, sometimes playing, sometimes bringing something to eat with him. Often he would sit there with a meal in his hand, eating slowly, and the sounds of munching were the only sounds in the room. He never tried to get you to talk, knowing that your personal space was crucial at that moment.

★ --

2 months after Suguru defected

The second month brought slight changes. Satoru, feeling that your reactions to his presence had become more bearable, decided to get closer.

Instead of sitting on the floor by the door, he took a seat in the chair by your desk, which stood slightly closer to the bed. When he entered the room, you looked at him - that was a success! Noticing change in his behaviour, but you took a quick glance at him, so he couldn't be happier. He passed you a small smile, that was a welcoming greeting.

Satoru stretched out comfortably in a chair, pulled out a book and began to read. Occasionally he would reach for his headphones to turn on some music for himself, shutting himself off from the world but still being there, at arm's length, if you need him.

There were days when he couldn't concentrate on reading, so he would just sit, watching you out of the corner of his eye. As time went on, he began to notice that you would sometimes glance at him, as if trying to understand why he came here almost everyday that was free for him, even though you didn't exchange a word with each other. Even when he was busy, your room was the first stop when he came back from any mission.

★ --

3 months after Suguru defected

In the third month, Satoru felt he could risk the next step.

When he walked into your room one day, instead of sitting in a chair, he walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. He felt your body tighten as soon as he sat down, but you didn't move away or ask him to leave. This was the sign he had been waiting for.

He pulled out his gameboy, fired up the game and started playing, sitting next to you. For a while, the silence was almost overwhelming, but as time passed, the atmosphere began to relax. Satoru noticed that although you still didn't speak, your presence had become somewhat more conscious.

He started bringing you food when Shoko couldn't. He felt that when he brought you something, you were more eager to glance at it. And you even took a bite of the sweet roll he left with you one day.

There were also moments when you started to move, as if you wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in your throat. Satoru did not push. He felt that these small gestures were a sign of progress.

★ --

4 months after Suguru defected

In the last month of this silent coexistence, Satoru decided to go all in.

When he entered your room, he didn't stop at the door or the chair. He immediately headed for the bed and lay down beside you without a word. He felt you body stiffen at first, but after a while you relaxed, accepting his presence. This was so strange, but so.. welcoming.

Both of you lay side by side, arms barely touching, but it was enough.

Satoru pulled out his mp3 player, turned on quiet music and placed it between you two, letting the soft sounds fill the silence. He watched the ceiling, occasionally glancing up to look at your face. The sight of it, now devoid of such deep pain as it had been in the beginning, made him relieved. He knew that your emotional state was still fragile, but he was sure that his presence was helping you in some way. You were helping him too, he just couldn't say that to you.

His presence in your room become such a small tradition, which he often looked forward to. Besides your dorm was a good escape for him, when he was looking for, there was never any thought that he could be at your place.

One day, as both you lay like this, you gently turned towards him and looked at him with a slightly softer expression on your tired face. You didn't need to say anything - your gaze said more than words.

Satoru smiled slightly at you, then closed his eyes, feeling that you had reached a state of understanding that was only possible through months of patience and perseverance.

He was content, that he could see your eyes weren't so empty or full of tears. That was a breakthrought, that he was so eager to welcome.

★ --

4 and a half months after Suguru defected

Satoru has not visited you for a week.

You knew he was back from a mission, because Shoko bringing you food mentioned it. She also said that it had been a long and exhausting one, on which they had sent him alone, with no support from even specialists.

It was already very late in the night, you had been waiting for him for a long time, and yet he had not come.

For the first time since moths, you got out of bed by yourself.

You poked your head out, to see if the light in his room was on, it still was. You were overwhelmed by a strange feeling, that you could not quite describe. You wondered what the reason was for breaking this little tradition you shared between the two of you.

You came to the conclusion, that he probably needed the space himself and was just using it. Although this seemed to you to be completely unsuitable for a person you came to know. Should you do something about this fact? You nervously bit your nail.

What if he now needs the same treatment that he used to give you? What if he just needs to be alone?

A conflict arose in your mind. You didn't know what to do, how to behave. You felt a little stressed as you slowly sat back down on the bed.

What should you do?

Your decision was made, when your foot visited the kitchens for the first time in months to brew a tea for him.

All you could hear in the quiet corridor was the soft creaking of the floor, as you approached the door of his room. The wooden gates were slightly open, as if Gojo didn't have the strength to close them fully. You carefully pushed it open with your hand, peering inside.

Satoru was lying on the bed, with his arms spread, as if the weight of the world was crushing him to the mattress. His white hair, always so perfectly styled, were a mess. Fortunately, he had managed to change into his pyjamas. There was an expression of extreme fatigue on his face, but when he heard quiet footsteps, he lifted his eyelids.

Your gazes met. You gently closed the door behind you, then stepped deeper into the room, setting your mug of warm drink down on the desk. Just as he had done this to you one time. Your limbs tremble slightly from the cold. Going to the kitchen in just your pyjamas and flip-flops at this time of year was a stupid idea.

You didn't exchange a word with each other. You blandly started playing with the sleeve of your nightshirt. You didn't need words to understand how tired he was, the slight bags under his eyes and messy look told you all you needed to know.

He changed positions on the bed, moving more towards the wall, grabbed a corner of the duvet and lifted it up. He made an inviting gesture with his head and his slightly glowing eyes went out.

You sat on the edge of the bed first. Feeling a little on unfamiliar ground. You had only been in his room a couple of times. The main place for you to hang out as a group was Suguru's room. Immediately you felt the warmth emanating from the sheets.

With a slow movement you lay down next to him, letting the warmth of the duvet and his scent greet you. The mattress bent slightly under you weight, as you turned to face him. You could feel how soft and molded his mattress was, how his pillow was pleasantly arranged. Your body slowly began to warm, heat waves spreading through your body, soothing your mind and dulling your senses. The air around you was warm, enveloping, and his presence added a strange sense of security that you hadn't felt in a long time.

You could feel your body relaxing more and more with each breath. You could hear the calm rhythm of his breathing, which worked on like a lullaby. You were so warm, not only physically, but also internally, as if this place, this moment, was exactly where you were supposed to be.

You slowly closed your eyes, feeling sleep begin to embrace you with it's softness. The thoughts that had been swirling around in your head just moments before, began to quiet down, giving a way to a blissful emptiness. The warmth of his body and regular breathing were like an focus points that, allowed you to pull your head away from your worries and sink into a peaceful sleep.

Finally, you allowed yourself to fully surrender to the moment. You fell asleep, with his hand still gently resting on your waist, in a place that seemed the safest in the world.

★ --

Satoru slowly opened his eyes, feeling the soft rays of the sun on his face. For a while he lay still, savoring the quiet of the morning and the warmth that beat from the body, cuddled into his. You were sleeping peacefully, your breathing was steady and deep, and face expressed the kind of calm he hadn't seen in you in a long time. He smiled slightly, pleased that you could finally truly rest.

He didn't want to wake you, but he knew the day was calling him. He shifted cautiously, reaching for the phone that lay on the bedside table. For a moment, he pondered how to play it, but quickly decided that the only person he could ask to do it - was Shoko.

you: "Take care of everything today? Thanks. >ᴗ<"

7:43 am

Sent a message, not waiting for a respond, he put the phone aside, before turning back to you.

He glanced at your face once more. You looked so peaceful, as if for a moment you had forgotten everything that had overwhelmed you for months.

Gojo gently ran his fingers through your hair, trying not to wake you up. He smiled, seeing how you moved slightly in his arms, as if you instinctively knew he was there.

He was so proud of himself, the sight of your sincere rest soothed his heart somehow. Thanks to him, you were finally able to rest. He felt satisfaction and contentment at the thought. He finally didn't feel so helpless and powerless. He felt that he had just done something, that at least one person, by some screwed up luck, had managed to be saved by him.

With a slight sigh, he closed his eyes, allowing himself to sink into sleep again. He knew that he didn't have to rush anywhere, that this was a day they could spend relaxing, even if he had responsibilities and pressures on him, at this point he totally didn't give a damn. He fell asleep quickly, holding you close to him, enjoying the moment of comfort you brought to him as well.

You two slept all day, cuddled up to each other in warm cozy embrace.

With the peace and quiet you finally rested, as you both deserved.

© noira-l 2024 | all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, or redistirbute my work without permission

tl (open): @kalopsia-flaneur

[chongoblog]

SCREW IT IM GONNA TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A BIT

So it's been like a month since I put up my last big mashup, and the response has been awesome. I wanted to talk about all the little bits I put in there, because frankly, I put a lot of love into it, and I want to share it! Here's the video of the mashup with the music video (which is a big part of it.)

First of all, shoutouts to Shoocharu for the incredible animation for the original MV. I've found him to always have the best Game Grumps animations, and his abilities work perfectly for this music video.

Okay, now just to talk about all the Silly Jokes and Bits and Stuff. A lot of these were noticed by comments (and shoutouts to them! I love seeing people get these)

-Ska Cha Cha is used as a reference to the name of the actual song "Transcendental Cha Cha Cha". Close enough.

-A couple samples are used multiple times at different points in the song. For "Tik Tok", "Ska Cha Cha" and "Down" it makes sense since it's the chorus of the song. However, I also bring back "I'm Blue" and "Toxic" because in the original song, those samples are played over the lyrics "The universe is getting colder, colder. Still every universe somehow got Zumba". Those lyrics are repeated at the end of the song, showing how what was once madness is now being embraced. I thought playing those samples again with the full mix was appropriate.

-And yes, in the two appearances of The Void in the music video, MEGALOVANIA plays because he looks kinda like Sans.

-"words, words, words" was a super interesting inclusion. At first I added it because of the lyric "Just relax..." which is a lyric during that portion of Transcendental Cha Cha Cha. Also, not only did "here's two facts" thematically work well (since the song was about to discuss two separate universes) but it also perfectly aligned rhythmically. Also, that "words, words, words" line might be one of my favorite pre-choruses ever.

-I included Cruel Angel's Thesis at someone else's suggestion, but I'm really glad they suggested it. I actually start it with a somewhat heavy low pass filter before slowly fading off it because I thought it sounded cooler.

-I included "Harder Better Faster Stronger" during that portion because Tom's vocal effects sound similar.

-Cha Cha Slide matches perfectly since the lyrics of Transcendental Cha Cha Cha are also "Slide to the left....slide to the right". Incredibly proud of the little breakdown I included during the mix-up portion.

-"Sometimes this song, it sounds like" segment is referencing myself, since over the years I have developed my own patterns. Sometimes the song does indeed sound like Crawling (plus funny commercial next to it. Again...patterns) and sometimes it does sound like All Star (shoutouts to Star Shop)

-The Mighty B! Theme slaps actually.

-I felt like I had to include the Peanut Butter Jelly snippet, since "it's everything and nothing, it's a baseball bat" sounded almost like it was a direct reference to it. I wanted to include the original Tom Cardy lyric on top of that one both to hammer home the joke and also because I thought the harmonic vocals layered perfectly onto Peanut Butter Jelly Time would make for a nice touch.

-Every time I saw someone notice that I put the "God Dammit" directly after Never Gonna Give You Up to imply that he was mad about getting rick rolled, I gained a year of my life.

-Keeping the "Blink!" from the original song I felt was useful to help kinda punctuate the wildly different samples I was using.

-"Money Game" and "Money Money Money" being played over the French Revolution. Completely unrelated, but have you noticed how much wealth inequality we're facing here in America? That's interesting.

-"Closer" and "Closer" is such an easy joke. In fact it's so easy I've done it before. Did it anyway lmao

-During the big buildup, "Larger Than Life" was used mostly because I hadn't used that song before and I thought it was time. "Dare" was put in because I think that the vocals work really well to naturally create a sense of buildup (unless it's the Live version). "Brain Power" was put in to replicate the noise gate that Tom put on his extended note.

-Monkey Watch and Mr Brightside. Again! Patterns!

-toes

So yeah that's Transcendental Fever Dream. I'm sure if I had more time and excuses to talk about all the nitty gritty details and choices made I'd do it, but I think this is a pretty big breakdown. Something's always felt kinda Big about this one. I think that save for Super Smashup, this is the best mashup I've ever made, and I think it acts as a sort of a culmination of these last 7 years or so of mashups. No idea what the future holds, but if it comes from love, then it's gonna be great.

Thanks for reading.

[kooki914]

Nobody asked and yet you're getting it anyway, my Dess interpretation! Tbf I love a lot of other people's Dess designs maybe more than my own based on complexity/symbology alone, but this is what my original take for her was so I'm sticking to it. Extremely long list of factoids for her under the cut!

Dess hasn't seen a hairbrush in 8 years.

Opening her first fountain was an accident, and so was entering the dark world, but it was something she desperately needed at that point. She was knighted by Spade King, before being dubbed the Roaring Knight by the general public after she opened the second fountain and people started (correctly) assuming she was trying to cause the apocalypse.

Dess is mtf trans! She was out since she was 9, and took puberty blockers for a while, but stopped after she disappeared because she, y'know, didn't have access to them anymore. Strangely, even though she's been off of them for so long, there's very few side effects. You can just see her Adam's apple sometimes and muscle mass started building for her easily, but that's it. She's silently grateful that her dad didn't pass down any beard-making genes.

The reason why it's been so mild is due in part because of the effect of being in the "void" for too long, aka the space so dark and isolated you can't even feel your own limbs. She was stuck in the code of the game, basically, and it's had adverse effects on her mentally and physically, the only positive effect being less testosterone production in her body.

The physical effects are odd. Though she's grown and her body's age is what it would've been if she never disappeared, she's still in the same clothes she was when she ran away, but they sized up with her. The black nail polish she had on is still there too, not even chipped. As previously mentioned, her hormones are out of whack but, somehow, she's still clearly a grown adult, as if she just went through a very, very mild puberty.

The mental effects of being stranded in the literal nothingness are as expected as they are odd. The standard effects of not having contact with another person for so long have, somehow, never taken hold. It's like the social part of her brain was just put on pause. However, part of the madness she DID get was her very much considering her memories might just be made up. As if she was always here and managed to, somehow, delude herself into thinking she had a life outside of this place, when she never did. Essentially, she stopped existing, but retained some level of consciousness.

The whole "not existing for a while" thing as well as the fact that she's pre-hrt trans means she absolutely hates mirrors. Give her a mirror and she'll give back about a hundred shards of it. When she was younger she usually just had dysphoria over looking too boyish (hence why she never cut her hair) but nowadays she has weird feelings about something as simple as Having Knees (the existential horror of having a body after being formless in the nothingness during your formative years).

Her journey as the Knight was mostly about rediscovering herself, trying to find purpose and trying to help the people around her. She spent her whole life feeling helpless, and wanted to destroy that feeling, for everyone. Her violent behavior was rewarded by the equally maladjusted Spade King, and they teamed up under the pretense of helping all of darkner kind.

Dess set out to cause the Roaring, per his instruction, without knowing what it even was. All she knew is that, apparently, she was the only one who could, and that gave her a sense of purpose. Once she learned it'd bring about the end of the world, she was so detached from the world that she carried on anyway, not concerned with the life that could be lost because, god, she spent so long outside it, how COULD she know what life was worth now?

Dess went by neutral pronouns (they/it) as the Knight because it was another mask she used to distance what she Knew of herself and what she Had to be (kind of like Asriel calling himself "Flowey" in Undertale, actually). Being called "her" was too familiarising and humanising, being called "he" made her break out into hives and start killing, so she stuck with the alternatives for utilitarian reasons. Somewhere along the way she got sick of it and started missing her feminine pronouns, but decided to just stick to the bit anyway. The world was gonna end soon anyhow, who cares?

Once she's out of the role of Knight and back in the light world, you bet your ass she's switching back to exclusively she/her. Fuck neutrality, this girl needs gender affirmative language.

Rediscovering music, and specifically playing and making music, was one of the things that helped Dess get back in touch with being a person again after the whole Knight debacle. She plays piano and harmonica of her own volition, and the violin because of her mom's insistence, but her true favourite will always be the guitar. She was a little small as a kid so playing it used to be difficult, but now that she's an adult having it in her lap is easy, and honestly it just makes her feel alive. One of those dreams she had as a kid that she forgot about along the way, y'know?

Her and Asriel were just family friends at first, but when they ended up going to the same class together too, they quickly became best friends. They were there for each other through everything, Dess got Asriel into games, he was there when she came out, and they were practically inseparable. Asriel was a hard worker and Dess was a super active sports kid, they balanced each other out well and were known as the highest achievers in their class, the golden kids.

Kris and Noelle got dragged into their adventures basically on accident, Noelle because Dess was the one babysitting her all the time, and Kris because they wanted to spend time with their brother. They often spent time outside together because Dess loved being anywhere but at home. She didn't mind Azzy's house, though. Kris was a lot to deal with sometimes and Dess scolded them in a lot of the same ways adults scolded her (minus the hitting them over the head with stuff, what was all her). She has no idea the impact she's had on their behavior.

She was always kind of violent, but when she was younger it wasn't really an issue, more like an excuse to get her into sports. She learned to act out because causing problems was the only context in which she'd get attention from her very busy parents. With Noelle specifically, Dess took on a semi-parental role and quickly developed a habit of taking on way more burdens than she could handle. Even with Asriel as a best friend and the Dreemurrs as a surrogate family, the control her mother Clarice commanded over her life was just too limiting. It all boiled over.

Dess started lashing out at other kids around when puberty hit, starting fights and genuinely hurting people. She never got expelled because her mother was the mayor, but Dess started getting grounded more and more often, which meant less and less time with her only real friend, and more with her very dysfunctional family. She loved Noelle, but her little sister became another responsibility, another liability that could get Dess in trouble, it was way too much for her to handle maturely when she was only 13.

Dess "disappeared" because she ran away from home. She hated living there, but neither of her parents could admit that, hence her disappearance being so "mysterious" to the other townsfolk, they genuinely thought she vanished from inside the house. It was only after Kris admitted they saw her in the woods near the bunker that night that the case got more complicated, and the legend only grew more terrifying.

Her original plan was to just catch a bus to out of town and hope for the best, but when she ran into the woods in pitch blackness, she couldn't find her way around. She was too reliant on light, and couldn't manage in darkness. She found the bunker in her aimless wandering and, hoping to sleep off the night and make up excuses in the morning, she went inside. She couldn't have known that nothing was in there.

The effects of her sudden disappearance rippled throughout the whole town. Most obviously, Asgore got fired for not being able to find her and Rudy quit his job to be a stay at home dad for Noelle's sake. Less tangibly, Asriel and Clarice both started burying themselves in work to avoid grief. Kris and Noelle socially shut down for a few years, it's why neither of them have any real friends other than the strained relationship they have with each other. Asriel took on Dess' habit of "be anywhere but home" when his parents started having marital problems, and Kris latched onto him even harder to avoid losing any more people in their life. Through all this, Dess was nowhere, silently wondering if anyone even noticed she's gone, if her life was even real to begin with.

One of the strange things that happened to her while stranded in nothingness was almost being able to hear someone mumbling to themselves. When she called out, the voice vanished, only to re-emerge an uncertain amount of time later and excuse himself for getting startled. He just doesn't get guests often, you see. And guests get him even more rarely. It was refreshing to hear a consciousness separate from her own, but his mind was even more broken than hers, unable to answer her questions about what was real and what was imagined as he seemed to think he himself was a product of unreality. Plus, he never really stayed for too long and he never wanted to talk about himself either, as if mentioning his own name could shatter him to pieces.

The reason Dess didn't lose her mind from to his influence like Jevil and Spamton did was because she's just fundamentally pragmatic. You can throw philosophy and existential questions at her all you want but as long as she talks and thinks, she exists, which means reality is Something, even if it's completely eluding her grasp. It might also have something to do with her being a (homestuck warning) Void player, meaning the idea of the innate meaninglessness of life and unanswerable questions about reality itself don't really sound earth-shattering to her.

She used her knife to open fountains at first, the one she brought with her from the light world, but along the way she picked up a rapier and decided it was way cooler than a knife so it's her go-to now. She's not actually that good with swords, though. She uses them like baseball bats. Despite this, Spade King still praises her as if she's the best warrior they've seen in generations. It might've gone to her head.

Her relationship with King is fundamentally a mentor and a student. He gave her flawed information, but taught her a lot about herself, the world she found herself in, and the role she could choose. And, that's the most important part, he let her CHOOSE, because he was genuinely under the impression that she was just a really powerful darkner and not a lightner. His strictness and high standards reminded her of her parents, mostly her mom, but his willingness to give HER control over her own destiny is what made her favour him over every other adult in her life. Discipline that treated her like a valued person rather than an asset was basically unheard of for her until then. Plus, reminding her of her parents gave Spade the bonus of every time he encouraged her on anything it'd activate the "parental approval" neurons in her brain that were terribly starved up to that point.

From Spade's point of view, the Knight (as a darkner) is everything he wants to be, but can't be. At first he mentored her mostly as an excuse to live vicariously through her, but in getting to know her better he discovered they have a lot more in common than he first thought. Unregulated emotions, unresolved pasts, the constant feeling that you need to do More and Louder in order to make any kind of impact... he started to genuinely care about her. If/when he's redeemed, finding out the Knight has been a lightner this whole time might not even be that much of a betrayal. Seeing her face and learning her name as she apologies for lying is like reconnecting with his own wounded, younger self. Letting it be water under the bridge means he doesn't lose connection to himself again, doesn't lose connection with his best student. Plus, December IS a nice name.

She met Lancer, but didn't pay him much mind. She was busy with overthrowing the other Kings and was too tired to be a babysitter again. Due to her rancid vibes as the Knight (and the fact that she quickly became the favoured child even though it wasn't her intention) Lancer doesn't like her that much. She left Card Kingdom pretty quickly, anyway (Spade's advice to seek another worthy kingdom to grant a fountain to), so she never got much of a chance to get to know him, even if she wanted to.

Her relationship with Queen is even more fraught. Due to Queen's tendency to mimic the "mother" personality for every lightner she meets individually, as well as her more Explicitly Controlling tendencies, Dess quickly became rebellious and then antagonistic towards her. Queen tried to choose FOR her, to get her to open fountains on HER terms, and Dess wasn't having it. Yes, following Queen's instructions would've caused the Roaring much, MUCH sooner, but, like. Not at ALL in a satisfying way.

She has no idea who Gaster is. When asked, she'll assume he's a Darkner. If asked about the man in the nothingness, she'll shrug it off. Now that she's out, she doesn't know if he's actually real or something she just made up in her head, though she laughs that off as well. "I sound a lot like him when saying that, huh?"

Learning Asriel goes to college is complete whiplash for her. Her sense of time is WRECKED. Like, yeah, she can wrap her head around Noelle and Kris being teens now, but ASRIEL??? What do you MEAN he's not still stressing over chemistry exams and cramming for spanish class, and is, like, actually studying something he's interested in???? Unheard of.

She makes fun of him SO much for his little beard stubble, dude. It's all in good fun, but like, you can only be called "mini Asgore" so many times by your childhood best friend before it starts to cut deeper. On the flipside he has literally nothing bad to say to her. She nearly caused the apocalypse, but like, he gets it. He would've done the same in her shoes (hooves??). He thinks her Dark World armour is so kickass and he could never pull it off like she can.

Unsurprisingly Asriel has a crush on Dess. He always kinda had one, even when they were kids, but reconnecting as adults just Fully bashed him over the head with the fact that he's had repressed feelings for her and he has NO idea what to do about it. He's anxiety incarnate and thinks Dess already KNOWS he has a crush on her and just isn't saying anything because she's playing it cool, or doesn't wanna hurt his feelings, or thinks he's too lame to date or something. He thinks she's the coolest person who ever lived and has no idea how to cope.

Meanwhile in reality, Dess is a clueless aro/ace. She doesn't really know what having a crush even means. She thinks being a couple is, like, flirting and fighting behind closed doors (you can tell the only couples she knew personally were her parents and Asriel's parents), so she thinks it's just exhausting and doesn't know why anyone bothers. When Noelle tells her she has a crush on Susie Dess is like "Hell yeah, love is love........ wait do you mean you like her or you want her to crush you with a boulder" and Noelle sweats for a while before replying with "b-both?"

Dess has never been to Castletown. Most likely will never go.

Her and Kris reconnecting is a bit awkward at first, mostly on account of the fact that Kris and their posse are the ones that had her bash her over the head as the Knight to get her to behave in the first place, but Dess doesn't really focus on that. Kris thinks they hurt her, she just thinks of them as a little hero. Susie kinda helps facilitate them talking like people again, at least at first, because she has no baggage with Dess other than hitting her with an ax over dark fountains and getting stabbed in return, but like... Out of all the people they fought Dess is the only one who actually said sorry for being a jackass, so it's all good in Susie's book. Kris is just happy to have Dess back, man, that bunker and their memory of it has been haunting them for entirely too long, now.

Like Kris and Asriel, Dess learned how to play piano in church. Unlike them, and unlike Noelle, Dess has actually become fully agnostic after her time in the void. If there IS an angel looking out for her, it certainly isn't one that could've helped her, so what's the point of worship? Plus, Asriel and Noelle are two angels looking out for her as is! Why add divinity to that? (I am extremely subtle, I know.)

To this day, she's still apologising to Asgore for getting him fired. He is still apologising for not being able to find her. It's a pity party.

No-one tell her parents but she smokes weed. Once she reformed from being the Knight, she had a lot on her mind, man, weed is the most harmless thing she could've taken to cope. Seam is a good dealer, they have the good stuff.

She's absolutely called King "dad" by accident before. He doesn't really mind. No-one tell Rudy though, he's gonna be pissed.

On that note, I feel the need to add that she was never as close to him as Noelle was, because he only really started being an active parent after Dess went missing. It's kinda tragic, and he feels REALLY guilty about it, but if he ever verbalises that guilt he's gonna actually crumble into dust. His confidence is all a mask as is, actually admitting that he was kind of garbage at being a dad with his first kid is just gonna make it so much worse. But, until Dess hears an apology, she's not really gonna be able to actually mend their relationship, so they're at an impasse.

Inversely, her time away from the light world kinda made Dess forget the way her mother acts. She sorta got a bit of "once away from the abuser you forget the abuse", especially knowing she herself was a kid when it all happened so she kinda started justifying her mother's actions to herself when away from her. After like 2 weeks of living with her again Dess fully remembers why she ran away and packs her bags to live literally anywhere else. Preferably with King if that's an option, though that might just make Lancer move out as well.

She doesn't know what minecraft is.

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— we brought a puppy home | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

monkey brings a puppy home and its' not completely smooth-sailing

check out the rest of buddy & monkey here: the masterlist

credit to @alotofpockets for her help with some of this and @lvnleah for the idea of this fic!

"Le, please!" You beg and plead with the blonde, who is all but firm on her decision much to your own disappointment.

"No, Monkey!" Leah states, sternly.

"Pretty please?" You still continue to try your luck with her.

"No, Monkey. I've already said it before!" Leah tells you in a stern tone of voice, which your all but used to hearing now.

What is it that you're trying to ask for? A puppy.

You love dogs, well you love all animals, other than pesky chickens of course, but your a huge fan of animals and you'd always had a dream of owning a lot of them.

You have always wanted your own dog, but of course growing up your father was always too selfish to want to spend on his money on booze and drugs, so therefor you never got to own your own dog before.

So here you are trying to convince the ever-stern blonde that you live with to get a dog, but that's easier said than done when shes' very much against the idea of it.

That answer still isn't good enough for you as you pout, "But why not? You've seen Myle, she's cute! Why can't we get our own?" You question, you love walking the little pup that Beth and Viv have, so you desperately want your own now.

"Because I've said no already and I'm not going to change my mind!" Leah repeats her words again, shaking her head in disagreement.

"Yeah, but just think about it..." You wonder off from your thoughts, "You know that Buddy would love a puppy as well!" You add, gesturing to your favourite little buddy who has been peacefully watching cartoons until you'd mentioned her name.

You were somewhat smart to play that at your advantage.

"Puppy, mummy!" Buddy pipes in to the conversation.

You smirk at the blonde mischievously, "See? I told you that Buddy would want one as well, Le!"

"Puppy, Mummy," Buddy repeats, excitedly as her eyes light up in awe, "Puppy!"

"Great, see what you've started now?" Leah murmurs, exhaling a sigh.

"You have to admit that a puppy in the house would be so much fun!" There's a glint of mischief in your eyes as you shrug your shoulders.

You knew exactly what you were doin' getting Buddy involved in this.

The blonde shakes her head again, "No, we're not gettin' a dog and that is final. End off!" She states firmly.

You knew that going behind Leah's back and buying a puppy might've been a bad thing that could definitely land you in trouble, however, you were in puppy heaven right now with your new adorable four-legged friend that was finding itself quite at home

"Leeeah!" You shout through the house, pushing it open carefully with your new little friend in your arms, "Are you home?" You continue to shout aloud.

"What's with all the noise?" Leah walks out into the hallway, mildly concerned about the loud volume of noise and thinking something is wrong straight away until she freezes in her step and narrows her eyes, "Monkey, please for the love of god tell me that isn't what I think it is!" She states, firmly.

You grin sheepishly at her, "Well, uh... What's it look like," You try and make a joke out of it.

You knew she would be mad, but you didn't realise she would be this mad.

Oops?

You swear you could see steam coming from the blondes' ears, "It looks like a puppy, although I know I specifically told you last week we was not gettin' one," She states in a sense of annoyance, "Please tell me that is one you're looking after!"

"Nope, hes' ours!" You beam a wide grin and hold the little guy out to her, "Isn't he cute?" You ask without much care in the world.

"Did my words literally just go in one ear and out of the other?" Leah is in disbelief as she all but refuses to even pet your new four-legged friend.

You continue to grin sheepishly at the blonde, "Uh, sorta. Maybe?" You admit, biting your bottom lip, "Le, meet Tate! Short for Tater-Tot!" You introduce the small pup.

"I... I thought you knew about this," Jordan stammers, her eyes widen in realisation before she looks at you, "Monkey, you told me she knew about this!" She states.

"What? No I didn't know!" Leah states, shaking her head profusely.

"Okay, so maybe I might've bent the truth ever so slightly," You confess, wincing as you await either of their reactions.

"Monkey!" Jordan exclaims in disbelief.

Leah huffs and shakes her head again in disbelief, "I cannot believe you went behind my back about this, Monkey. We're not keepin' it!" She tells you, firmly.

"He has a name, Le!" You pout, gesturing to look at the pup.

"I don't care what his name is, we're not keepin' him!" Leah grumbles.

You frown and fuss the small pup in her arms, "Awh, don't worry little guy. Les' grumpy an all now but she'll come around in no time to love you!" You coo at him, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I don't think so-- How did you even afford to buy him?" Leah questions in confusion, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Money, duh? I saved up!" You admit, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

The blonde clicks her tongue in disapproval, "Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable!"

"I... I would never have gone along with this and if I knew you didn't agree with it, Le," Jordan explains to her ex-girlfriend.

"Yeah... I know," Leah murmurs in response, "Monkey has a way of convincing people to get her way sometimes." She adds.

Jordan nods slowly and takes a click glance at the time on her phone, "Right, it's almost time to collect Buddy from pre-school-- Do you want me to go and pick her up instead so you can uh, sort out the issues with the puppy and what not?" She offers, your guess is that she is trying to leave the conversation as quick as she can.

"Yes, please. If you don't mind," Leah replies in agreement.

"Wait, no, Jord-- Don't leave me alone with her, she might kill me!" Your eyes widen in realisation.

The minute Jordan leaves, your really gonna be in trouble.

"Good luck, Monkey!" Jordan chuckles, waving her hand in the air as she heads back outside.

"Jord, no, wait, come back..." Your plea falls of deaf ears as you spin back round and take in the angry and annoyed expression that Leah has on her face, "Okay listen, I know you're mad an all about it now, but come on. You have to admit he is kinda cute though!" You insist, trying to hold Tater-Tot up in front of her to try and get her more approachable.

Leah scoffs and shakes her head, "Cute or not, he's goin' back to wherever it is that he came from!" She states, determinedly.

"Sh, Le, he can hear you!" You joke as an attempt to keep the conversation light still, despite how angry the blonde looks with you.

"You completely went against my words-- I told you under no circumstances, were we getting a dog!" Leah exclaims, pointing her finger in your face as she raises her voice, sounding like when she's in captain mode.

"Eh, I know but I thought maybe when you see how cute he is then you might change your mind, no?" You still hold up Tater-Tot in front of her face to get her to ease her sternness.

There's no luck whatsoever.

"No. Seriously, Monkey? I don't have time to take care of a dog and you sure as hell don't either-- Explain to me how an earth you expect to take care of a dog between training, games and not to mention your uni work!" The blonde still continues to stand firm on her decision

"Well, we can make it work! He can be like your emotional support dog!" You try and insist, hopeful to play your cards right with this one.

Leah is soon stumped from her on-going rant, "My what?"

"Emotional support dog," You repeat boldly with confidence, "Like Win at the club but this dog we can actually take home instead! Come on, look how adorable he is. I know things haven't been great with your injury and stuff, but like, Tater-Tot can help that now to cheer you up!" You try and make your point justified, trying to keep Tater-Tot held comfortably in your arms the whole time.

"Let me get this right," Leah pinches the bridge of her nose and chuckles slightly, "Your using my injury as an excuse for us to have a dog?" She questions.

You slowly nod in agreement with her, "Well, uh... Yeah, kinda-- Look, I know you're all mad and stuff now, but give in a few weeks and you'll learn to love Tater-Tot, yeah?" You try and suppress the grin on her face, but to no avail, it doesn't work.

"No, because we're not keeping him, Monkey!" Leah exclaims in disagreement.

You huff and pout at the blonde's words, "I can't take him back though when I've already paid for him!" You insist.

"Then get your money back, I don't care. We're not keeping him!" Leah states, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Come on, Le. Please?" You plead with her.

"Absolutely not, no way!" Leah continues to remain firm on her decision, "I already told you previously, no dog!"

"Seriously, Le? I can't... I don't want to take him back!" You pout at the blonde, in a hope that she will change her mind.

"Too bad. I'm sorry Monkey, but we can't keep him. He has to go back, alright? I'm not changing my mind on this one!" The blonde tells you, firmly as she shakes her head and refuses to give Tater-Tot another look.

"Hi, we're back!" Jordan shouts aloud as she pries open the front door and hesitates to walk inside in case you and Leah are still arguing about the puppy.

"Mummy!" Buddy all but throws herself at Leah's legs as soon as she sees her.

Leah smiles fondly at her little girl, "Hi, Buddy. Did you have fun at pre-school?" She wonders.

"Uh huh, lots' of fun!" Buddy nods enthusiastically.

Jordan hums in agreement and routes around in the 3 year old's backpack that she has in her hands, "Yeah, shes' drawn you a picture for you."

"You have?" Leah questions in faux surprise as Jordan hands over Buddy's latest masterpiece to her, "Wow. I absolutely love it! That is going right on the fridge!" She states determinedly, wrapping her free arm around the 3 year old.

Jordan smiles fondly at the pair of them, "Hows' things with the, you know what?" She wonders, curiously as Buddy pulls away from Leah after a few seconds.

Leah scoffs and shakes her head, "I can't believe she went behind my back about this," Unbeknownst to her, Buddy had decided to wander into the living room and find the new four-legged friend in the house, "I don't want Buddy to see it, because then I know I will--"

"Puppy!" Buddy gasps in excitement, her eyes wide in awe.

"Too late for that," Jordan chuckles.

"Puppy, Mummy!" Buddy repeats, excitedly.

Of course you are so excited to introduce them both, "His names' Tater-Tot, Buddy. How cool is that?" You ask her.

"Cool!" Buddy parrots, crouching down to lie on the floor next to the pup.

Leah exhales a sigh and walks into the living room, "Yeah it is, Bud. You have to be careful, okay? He's very tiny," She explains to the little girl.

"You have to admit that he seems very settled," Jordan chimes in.

Buddy peers up to look at Leah curiously, "Is he ours?" 

"Yes," Your quick to state.

"No," Leah disagrees, glaring at you.

"I wan' him Mummy!" Buddy insists, cuddling up to the four legged animal.

"See? Even Buddy wants him!" You gesture to your favourite little buddy and the pup together.

Leah glares at you, which kindly meant for you to shut up, "Enough, Monkey!" She states, firmly.

Buddy continues to gently cuddle with the puppy beside her, "I 'ove him, Mummy! Can we please keep him?" She questions, hopeful.

You feel like your hearts melting watching the adorableness from them both, "Come on, Le. Look at Buddy's face-- Please?" You beg and plead.

"You know, if you do decide to keep him and all then I can watch him when you're away and I'm sure that your mum wouldn't mind helping out to watch him either..." Jordan chips in, but knows when to shut up after she receives an all-too familiar glare thrown her way, "Yeah, alright, gotcha. I'll stop talkin' about this."

"No, no, I'm sorry. I don't have time to look after a dog, I already have 2 kids to look after," Leah states, shaking her head in disagreement.

"Hey! I'm an adult," You shout aloud in protest.

Leah scoffs and shakes her head, "You still order happy meals at McDonald's just so you can have the toys, you really wanna go there?" She questions.

"They currently have Minions, don't judge me!" You exclaim, shrugging your shoulders.

"Right, so what do you want to do?" Jordan shares a look with her ex-girlfriend, "I have to get on the road soon, but uh, I can hang around for a bit if you need help or what not?" She offers her help, not too sure what to do in this situation.

Leah exhales a sigh and shakes her head, "No, no, don't worry. You head back home. It's fine, we'll take him back tomorrow." She tells her ex.

"No I don' want him to go Mummy!" Buddy whines in protest.

Leah frowns slightly as she looks at Buddy, "I'm sorry Buddy but we can't have a doggie here, but its' okay because you can still see Myle, can't you?" She explains to your favourite little buddy, "And Blu as well at Mama's house." She adds.

"No, no. I don' like you, Mummy!" Buddy is quick to shout aloud, "No, mean Mummy!" She continues to shout.

Leah's heart clenches when she hears them words spill out of her little girls mouth, however, Jordan is able to get a quick handle on it.

"Hey, no, no, that's not nice is it, Buddy?" Jordan tells the 3 year old in a gentle tone of voice, "You don't mean that, you love Mummy, don't you?"

Buddy is more adamant as she shakes her head,"No, no. I don', she mean!" She exclaims, starting to tear up.

"Buddy, I know you're upset but its' not nice to say them sort of things," Jordan tells her little girl.

"Mummy's a meanie!" Buddy continues to cry, not really understanding the true hurt behind her words directed at Leah, "She won' let us keep the puppy! Mean Mummy!"

"Buddy, listen. I know you're upset with mummy about this and that's okay, but when you say words like that, they hurt mummy," Leah kneels in front of her daughter, she knew not to take the words to heart but it was a slight shock to the system to hear this come from the usual little sweetheart and well-behaved little girl that she is, "I know you want to keep the puppy, but it's just not possible, okay? I'm sorry about that."

"Monkey! That will be Wally!" Leah calls out to get your attention from where she is upstairs with Buddy, "Can you get the door?" She shouts aloud.

"Sure, cos' its' not like I weren't busy doin' something else or anything," You huff and pause the current game on your PlayStation before you wander over to the front door and open it to greet the older women, "Hi, Wally!" You greet, somewhat enthusiastically.

"Hey little one, how're you doin'?" Lia gives you a brief hug before she steps inside the house.

"I'm fine," You respond, giving her a faint smile, "Le's upstairs with Buddy so she made me get the door instead!" You explain to her.

"Ah, it's bath time," Lia jokes, hearing the commotion coming from upstairs.

"I'll be downstairs in a minute, Wally!" Leah shouts from upstairs, where she is no doubt being covered in water from Buddy having the time of a her splashing about in the bath.

Well it's better than the tears earlier on that Leah and Jordan both had to work together to calm her down before she got herself completely worked up about it.

"No problem," Lia shouts back upstairs before she turns to look at you, "So, I've brought some things round to make us dinner, I thought I could introduce you to one of the famous dishes in Switzerland." She offers, motioning to the dish in her hands that your yet to notice.

"Fancy," You murmur, wrinkling your nose slightly in disgust as you glance into the pot and don't like what you see at all.

You wish you had already eaten dinner earlier with Buddy, after all.

There's the always an option to order pizza if you get too hungry though-- Oh wait, you spent all your allowance on Tater-Tot.

Damn it.

"Oh my Goodness, who's this little guy?" Your thrown out of your thoughts when you hear Lia gush in awe and set her eyes on your new four-legged friend that had made his way into the kitchen.

"Tater-Tot," You grin as you scoop the fur ball up into your arms, "I brought him."

Lia looks surprised as she leans forwards and pets' Tater-Tots' soft fur, "I didn't know you guys were gettin' a dog, Leah never mentioned it-- Oh you're adorable, aren't you, little guy?" She gushes in awe, falling absolutely smitten for the little guy.

"That's because I didn't know," Leah responds, making her appearance known as she walks into the kitchen not long with Buddy trailing after her, dressed ready for bed in fresh pajamas.

"Auntie Wally!" Buddy squeals in excitement to see the women.

"Hi, Buddy!" Lia smiles and scoops up the 3 year old into her arms, "Oh, I see... And I take it that you're not too happy about it then?" She wonders, looking at her blonde friend.

"Well I can't say I'm too fond about it," Leah explains, shaking her head as she looks at you with a knowing look, "Monkey tricked Jord into getting it so Jord was under the impression that I knew. Apparently, she played us both, didn't you, Menace?" She wonders.

"Well, it worked didn't it?" You respond, shrugging your shoulders.

"Oh dear," Lia pulls a face.

"Look, auntie Wally, puppy!" Buddy is quick to jump in the conversation and shift the attention to your new four-legged-animal.

"I can see that, Buddy," Lia smiles at her, "He's very cute, isn't he?" She asks.

"Uh huh! So cute!" Your favourite little Buddy agrees, nodding her head in a fast motion.

You can't help but scoff in annoyance, "Yeah and meanie Malfoy is makin' me return him tomorrow! I mean its' cruel, right? Look at his little face!" You insist, pouting as you hold Tater-Tot up in front of Leahs' face to try and get her to cave in.

Leah shakes her head in disagreement, "It's not cruel when I told you we wasn't getting a dog in the first place!" She states, firmly.

"He is very cute, but I suppose Leah is right to say that when she told you no to the dog in the first place, no?" Lia can understand where her friend is coming from and tries to be the peace-keeper in the middle of things.

"It's totally unfair though!" You huff in annoyance before you do no more than start to stomp off upstairs to your bedroom with Tater-Tot in your arms still, showing how completely mature you are taking this situation.

"Wait for me, I got little legs-- Down please!" Buddy whines, starting to wriggle in the woman's arms, "I wan' go find 'Tater-Tot!" She insists.

"Go ahead little one," Lia chuckles and places Buddy down on the floor, who wastes no time in catching up to you and Tater-Tot before you help her climb up the stairs.

"Leave her to sulk about it," Leah tuts and shakes her head, watching carefully as Buddy climbs up the stairs with her help, "I'm not changing my mind on this. We're not keeping that dog." She states, firmly as she sticks her ground.

"Okay," Lia chuckles, agreeing with her friend.

"We're not, tomorrow morning, hes' going back to wherever it is that he came from," Leah tells the older woman.

"Okay," Lia repeats as she gets on with the cooking.

"You think I'm gonna change my mind, don't you?" Leah raises her eyebrow, curious to know her friends thoughts.

"I mean, would it really hurt to have the company round here?" Lia glances at the blonde as she makes her way round the kitchen and grabs a chopping board of the side, "It already looks like Buddy and Monkey both love him a lot, it looks like they're inseparable."

"We're never in, it wouldn't be fair on him, would it?" Leah states, shaking her head in disagreement.

"When would that be a problem? You can take him to the training grounds, there's ways around these things," Lia points out.

"Oh, and what about international camps?" Leah questions, passing Lia a kitchen knife that she needs, "Or pre-seasons in another country?" She wonders.

Lia gratefully accepts the knife and gives the blonde a knowing smile, "I'm sure your mum wouldn't mind looking after him if you asked her." She answers.

"It's not happening, we're not keeping the dog," Leah stands firm once again, repeating her words.

"Looks like the living room is safe from the puppy," Lia jokes, walking into the spacious living room to find the small pup fast asleep on the rug.

It's a bit later on in the evening, Buddy is upstairs fast asleep in bed and you are just in a general teenage sulk still about things upstairs, but somehow the small pup was able to climb off the bed and make his way down the stairs.

"He's spark out," Leah murmurs, letting out a small laugh, "Don't get too comfortable here, Buddy. Its' just for tonight and then tomorrow, you're goin' back to your old home." She states, determinedly.

Lia chuckles and shakes her head before she settles down on the sofa beside the blonde, "Sure you won't change your mind?" She jokes, giving her a knowing smirk.

Leah huffs and shakes her head, "Nope, I'm still not changing my mind. We're not keeping him," She states, reaching for the TV remote that's on the coffee table in front of her, "I'm not." She repeats.

"Okay," Lia chuckles, holding her hands up in mock surrender.

"I'm not," Leah repeats, not sure who she's trying to convince more, herself or her friend, "It's just not a practical situation, is it?" She adds.

"Okay," Lia repeats, trying to stifle her laughter, "What're we watchin' then?" She wonders.

"I don't know, anythin' will do though, won't it?" Leah answers, scrolling through the various channels, "I'll take anythin' other than another Shrek movie or Blues Clues, right now." She jokes, giving a subtle nod to your favourite movie and Buddys' favourite TV show.

"True," Lia chuckles in agreement.

Leah can't help but glance at the new four-legged-friend asleep on the rug in front of them.

It wouldn't practical to have a dog when she has her career, but at the same time, it might be good to have a distraction

Her opinion is even more swayed when the little pup yawns and wakes up, whining slightly as he makes his way over to the sofa and sits waiting to be picked up.

"Looks like he wants to make friends with you, eh?" Lia motions to the small pup, who is sat in front of the sofa as he whines quietly.

"Maybe hes' hungry?" Leah wonders, confused.

"No, hes' already been fed," Lia reminds her, motioning to the bowl of food that you had fed him before going back upstairs to sulk. Doing no more, she leans down and picks Tater-Tot up off the floor, "Hello little guy, are you feeling jealous down there on the floor, huh?" She speaks softly to the little pup.

The pup did no more than paw his way over to Leah and make himself comfortable on her lap, settling down and falling back to sleep.

"Seriously?" Leah groans, glancing down at the puppy.

"Oh, would you look at that. I think he likes you," Lia jokes, smiling at her friend.

"Well that's just great," Leah huffs and shakes her head.

"Don't be such a meany, hes' comfortable, clearly!" Lia chuckles, stroking the pups' fur.

Leah hums quietly, "Just as long as he doesn't eat any of my shoes tonight, we'll stay friends," The blonde remarks, pursing her lips as she reluctantly strokes the pups' fur.

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Lia chuckles in amusement.

"I suppose he is pretty cute," Leah breaks the silence after a few minutes, "And I guess he does seem pretty content on my lap." She adds.

Lia hums in agreement, "Happiest little guy in the world."

"And you have to admit that he does seem to fit in around here, and the kids' do seem happier with him around," Leah continues to state, biting her bottom lip.

"That they do," Lia nods in agreement.

"Yeah," Leah pauses for a few minutes, "But I refuse to call him that ridiculous name though."

"Oh?" Lia glances at her friend with a knowing look, "That sounds like something you would say if you are planning to keep him around," She states.

"I guess we could make it work," Leah states quietly, refusing to look at her friend, who's smirking to herself, "Like you said, we can make it work with the games and I'm sure that family and friends would be more than willing to take care of him if and when needed, huh?" She wonders.

"If I didn't know any better then I'd say it sounds like you had a change of heart there," Lia states amusedly, "Leah Williamson, are you having second thoughts?" She mocks a fake gasp.

"Shut up," Leah playfully nudges her best friend and rolls her eyes, "He's cute, I suppose... And maybe I was a bit too quick to jump and disagree, also this way it'll give Monkey some responsibility as well," She notes.

"You don't need to give them excuses to me. You can just admit that you like having him stick around, you know?" The older woman jokes with the blonde.

"Just as long as there's an agreement that he stays away from anything of mine that is, well, expensive," Leah chuckles, stroking Tater-Tot.

Lia laughs and shakes her head, "I'm sure it will be fine."

"And I'm still not happy that Monkey went behind my back and did this, the little menace," The blonde remarks, reminding the Swiss women about it.

"I know, so much not for changing your mind then, eh?" Lia nudges her friend playfully.

"This dog seems to like me," Leah remarks, shrugging her shoulders as she takes a quick glance down at the pup in her lap.

"I'd say you've found yourself a new best friend there," Lia chuckles, watching Leah and Tater-Tot beside her.

Given another hour or so, you had reluctantly given up your sulking and now you felt hungry again, given that you willingly skipped out on Lia's Switzerland dish, much to your absolute dismay.

"I'm hungry," You make your presence known as you wander into the living room, the small pup on the blondes' lap not even blinking an eye at you.

Leah turns her attention to you hovering in the living room doorway, "Oh, finally decided to come out of your room, have we?" She wonders, teasingly.

You resist the urge to roll your eyes and slump down on the arm of sofa, "I was annoyed with you," You mumble, quietly.

Leah snorts in response, "I never would have guessed that."

"Yeah, well, you deserve it," You continue to insist, shrugging your shoulders.

"Right, okay then,"Leah rolls her eyes and shakes her head, "We'll need to go shopping tomorrow then," She adds, trying to not give it away so easily.

"Food shopping, sounds like an absolute blast," You absolutely detest food shopping, its' the complete bane of your life.

Leah snickers a bit, "Well, we do need to re-stock the cupboards but we'll also need to visit the pet shop," She states, waiting for you to catch on.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, "Why do we need to a visit the pet shop-- Wait, are you serious?!" You finally realise as your eyes widen.

"On the terms and conditions--" Leah begins to speak.

"Seriously?! Yeah?" Your way too hyper and excited about this to care what she is saying as it goes in one ear and out the other.

"Hey, listen, this is serious! On the terms and conditions," Leah repeats aloud to get your attention, "On the terms and conditions that you look after him, remember to feed him and give him water, and also walk him as well, and the big one, make sure that he doesn't ruin anything that belongs to me!" She states, sternly as she points her finger in your direction.

"Okay," You nod, awaiting anything further.

"But to answer your question, yes, you can keep him!" Leah tells you, smiling at you.

Your eyes light up in glee and you want to scream, and you would if it wasn't for Buddy being fast asleep upstairs, "Yeah? You're the best, thank you, thank you, thank you! I didn't mean it about calling you meanie Malfoy, ah thank you, thank you!" You can't help but thank her over and over again.

"I'm still not happy with how you went behind my back about this, but I suppose that this little fella will fit in nicely around here," Leah remarks, glancing at the small pup, who surprisingly still hasn't moved from her lap even with all the noise.

You can't help but beam a wide smile, "I knew you would change your mind eventually!"

"What can I say? This little fella wormed his way into my heart," Leah states, shrugging her shoulders.

"Welcome home, Tater-Tot!" You grin at the small pup, whos' comfy enough to still curl up in the blondes' lap and snooze away.

"God, no. Absolutely not, I refuse to call him that ridiculous name!" Leah is quick to insist as she shakes her head for her clear detest of the name, "Welcome home... Tate," She corrects herself, still weary about the name overall.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[hauntedrain]

F1 Drivers First Date Headcanons .ೃ࿐

✧*̥˚ Includes Charles, Max, and Oscar. *̥˚✧

✮▹A/N: IT'S BEEN FOREVER, and to be fair I didn't write this recently, it's been in my drafts. but I hope it's okay for now. I've been having a writing block for a long time and haven't had inspo to write anything. I can make more parts if requested.

✰▹Warnings/Notices: maybe unrealistic a bit, honestly kinda a shit post, fr tho not anything mad just fluff. NOT EDITED, NOT PROOFREAD.

Charles Leclerc ⋆୨୧˚

would definitely be really worried about the date. Not that he's scared about you or anything, but about if he planned the right thing, picked the right outfit, or something along those lines. He just wants to make a good "first impression".

He would be Facetiming/texting Pierre or Arthur every 10 minutes for confirmation and reassurance. "Be honest, do these pants make me look stupid. I can't have her thinking I'm stupid, and can't properly dress myself." He asks while fixing his hair for the 100th time on Facetime. " Charlie, if you're calling me this much then maybe, just maybe... You can't dress yourself properly." "Not funny, but for real. Is this fine?"

He would probably get even more nervous as he meets up with you or picks you up like would be messing with his bracelets, blushing or sheepishly smiling a lot. But after a while, he would calm down and get more confident being around you and talking to you.

He probably asks himself how he was even able to ask you out in the first place considering how nervous he is right now.

For the date idea, he would really want it to be something that you would enjoy. He would message you or ask your friends what your favorite things are and things to do.

Max Verstappen ✧.*

I think he would be more collected when talking about first dates, however, he would still be nervous about certain things. Would it go well? Is the only reason you like him for his title? What if it's really awkward?

But by the time he's there and starts talking to you those worries fade away and he starts to open up more and be more him. He would definitely not be able to keep a smile off his face after that.

I think the first date you guys would have is just talking over dinner, nothing too crazy, but he also wouldn't want to plan something boring so maybe you guys would do something afterward. Like a walk around a park or going into small stores on the way home? Idk but something that wouldn't just be a simple dinner.

I feel like during the first date, if he doesn't already know you, he tries to get to know you well. He wouldn't just be asking questions like "What your favorite color?", "Favorite season?", etc. Not that its inherently wrong to want to know but he wants something different, like knowing a deep passion or dream of yours. Or even memories and moments throughout your life. Something deeper.

Oscar Piastri *ೃ༄

I think he would want to do something more casual as a first date. Something like a picnic or going to a cafe. But at the end of the day if you just wanted a dinner somewhere he would be fine with that too.

I don't feel like he would be nervous like others are nervous for first dates, he would be more nervous about just going out and doing things than if the actual date goes well.

Like not freaking out about what to wear, or first impressions, but worrying if this is the right thing to do, or if the date plan was enough (kind of like how Charles cares about what the date was for you.)

Maybe brings a few flowers or something small, especially if you guys already knew each other. He would try a nice gesture but nothing to crazy, just something sweet and simple.

⭒❃.✮:▹A/N: It's been FOREVER since I posted actual writing. I apologize if this makes no sense or is stupid, this has been in my drafts forever and I never really went back over it before now. I've been out of ideas so plz request something! I will literally write for anyone about anything (in reason)

[vintagecandy]

My personal reimagining of Jervis Tetch, AKA: The Mad Hatter.

So I noticed that it is really common for Gotham rogues-- but almost especially Jervis Tetch-- to get redrawn and redesigned! Which I just thought was such a fun exercise, so because I'm me and predictable my brain immediately leaped at the chance to imagine my own Jervis.... set in the 1920s. Now, the drastically different time period causes a lot of interesting dynamics. For one, I'm fairly certain Jervis Tetch's character originates from a time period of comics where people wore a lot more hats, so setting him in the past is very fitting for him. It makes a lot more sense for him to literally be an artisan hat manufacturer, as in a real hatter. BUT what's interesting is that hand made "hatter" style hats were actually beginning to fade out of favor, and one of the reasons is actually partially because there was a growing moralizing around the hatting industry's overhunting of birds for their decorative feathers, and so Jervis ( as you can see ) having this big, real peacock bird feather on his hat is sort of a defiance, a subtle expression of his bad intent. And I imagine his introduction to crime will be marked with the sudden unprompted rise of vintage style hats "regaining popularity". He's very much still a hypnotist, a master illusionist, and a scientific genius, and I was thinking- to shake things up- the hat is actually what drove him insane. Originally the hat band was created to counteract nerve damage he developed from mercury poisoning some years ago, but ended up also giving him heightened focus and an incurable bout of severe insanity. Then he later repurposed it for mind control. What insanity? Ok, look at the face I drew for him. This was on accident, but I've been looking at his face...... and I cannot shake the feeling he's a dad. Like, he has peak "wacky inventor father" energy in his face, but more sickly and evil. So I was thinking.... what if for this Jervis instead of his usual romantic Alice fixation... Alice was instead his daughter. And he loved having pretend tea parties with her, acting as the hatter. Some point after he put on the hat, his behavior was a little off but not worrying yet, but he lets his daughter wander off too far in this dangerous city and he just... never sees her again. He calls the police, they're kinda apathetic- probably corrupt tbh, he puts up posters-- nothing, she's just gone. Probably dead the more time passes. A senseless tragedy in a nonsense world. This breaks his brain! And so he decides he's going to take over all of Gotham and turn it into a game of Wonderland, part out of spite, and mostly out of total denial that his daughter is gone no matter how many years pass, in hopes that the little lost girl will find her way back to him or even that more puppets means more help finding her. But with time his insanity becomes so severe he doesn't even remember Alice was his daughter and not literally the book Alice, but he is slightly more lucid when without the hat. However, he feels sick and anxious when without it.

But as it goes in Gotham, by the time they consider you Arkham levels of insane, incurably so-- a 1920s insane asylum mind you! Which practically makes him more ill-- you sort of have no choice but to stay in the crime life forever. Which is where the tommy guns come in.

[bl3upi3]

A Night to Remember | Monkey D. Luffy

Part 1

Summary: After a year, fate brings you back to Luffy. He's mad at you, but not for long.

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. Smut, p in v unprotected, mean Luffy ? quicky kinda rushed ? blowjob (I'm bad with warnings)

A/N: Finally posting part 2, sorry for the waiting but I didn’t feel like writing during school. But yeah here we are with a really bad part 2 English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. (My requests are open if wanted)

Luffy couldn't go a single night without dreaming about you, even though it had been months since your first encounter. You seemed like a haunting presence, always on his mind.

Your memory clung to him like a persistent specter, visiting his thoughts each night without fail. No matter how many adventures he embarked upon, your image remained a constant presence, an enigmatic ghost that he couldn't shake.

One evening, you and your adventurous crew found yourselves at a bustling waterfront bar. Just as was your customary style, you confidently ordered a round of drinks, setting a lively and infectious tone for the evening. The crew gathered around a large wooden table, laughter and chatter filling the air as you shared stories of your recent exploits. 

However, fate had other plans in store for you. A moment later, you excused yourself from the table and headed towards the restroom. As you walked through the bustling bar, you couldn't help but notice a pair of familiar faces at the bar itself—a fiery orange-haired girl and a boy with vivid green hair, deep in conversation.

Continuing on your path, you soon arrived at a secluded booth where a lone boy sat, his head lowered, a distinctive straw hat atop his head. And then, like a lightning bolt, it hit you.

 As you approached the booth, a strange sense of déjà vu washed over you. The boy with the straw hat remained unaware of your presence, his attention focused on the worn map spread out before him. His face was partly obscured, but his unmistakable trademark hat confirmed your suspicions.

It was Luffy.

Your heart raced as you stood there, grappling with a whirlwind of emotions. A year had passed since your first encounter, and you had often wondered if you'd cross paths with him again. Now, here he was, mere inches away, seemingly oblivious to your presence.

You reached out and gently took the straw hat from his head, placing it on your own. The boy lifted his head to gaze at you. He raised his head to look at you, but didn't say a word. It was almost surreal.

You couldn't believe your eyes. After all this time, you had reunited with him when you thought it might never happen.

"Monkey D Luffy," you whispered, tracing your fingers gently along his face, taking in all his distinct features.

His eyes squinted as he tried to make sense of the situation. Then, it hit him like a tidal wave—the face he could never forget, the face that had haunted his days and nights.

He stared at you, disappointment and disbelief mingling in his expression, shaking his head. He couldn't fathom how, after you had left him, you were now standing before him once more.

“Y/N," Luffy muttered your name, his voice laced with bitterness and hurt. 

Luffy's gaze remained locked onto yours, his eyes a turbulent mix of anger and confusion. The once warm and inviting spark that had ignited between you two was now a smoldering ember of resentment.

"I didn't expect to see you again," Luffy said coldly, his voice lacking the usual enthusiasm. "Especially not here."

You could sense the bitterness in Luffy's words, and your heart sank. The reunion wasn't at all what you had hoped for. You knew you had a lot of explaining to do, but it seemed that Luffy's emotions were too raw for a calm conversation. You took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to mend what had been broken.

"Luffy," you began, your voice filled with sincerity, "I know this is unexpected, and I understand if you're angry. But please, let me explain."

You pulled up a chair and sat down across from him, the straw hat still resting on your head. The bar's lively atmosphere seemed to dim around you as you focused on Luffy.

"I never wanted to disappear from your life like I did," you continued, your gaze unwavering. "After that day we met, I had to leave for reasons I couldn't control. It tore me apart, Luffy. I never stopped thinking about you, dreaming about you. You've been a constant presence in my thoughts."

Luffy's anger seemed to waver as he listened to your words. His brows furrowed, but he didn't interrupt.

"I've been searching for you, Luffy," you confessed. "I've traveled across islands and oceans, hoping to find you again. And now, fate has brought us back together."

Luffy's expression softened slightly, and he leaned back in his chair, still regarding you with a mix of emotions.

"I don't expect you to forgive me right away," you continued. "But please know that I never wanted to hurt you. I care about you more than I can express. I want to make things right, to be a part of your adventures again, if you'll have me."

A heavy silence hung between you, broken only by the distant echoes of laughter and music from the bustling bar. Luffy remained silent, his thoughts hidden behind a mask of contemplation. But then, without a word, he stood up, his hand reaching for the hat perched on your head.

Startled, you rose abruptly, calling out his name. "Luffy!" you exclaimed, rushing to your feet and following him as he walked toward a dimly lit corridor.

He paused in the middle of the corridor, his back to the door, which he pushed open as you drew closer. You couldn't decipher his emotions, but you followed him into the room. He stopped, towering over you, his face mere inches from yours.

"Talk to me," you whispered, your voice filled with yearning, your eyes locked onto his, searching for a glimmer of understanding "Please…"

Luffy's gaze shifted to the neckline of your top, and his lips parted just enough for him to inhale sharply. Before you could react, however, he closed the distance, kissing you passionately. Your hands moved automatically, wrapping themselves firmly around his broad shoulders while his arms snaked around your waist. He held you as if you would disappear any second.

Your lips moved against his as your heart pounded fiercely within your chest, unable to resist him. You felt his tongue slowly slip between your lips, and you groaned softly as you lost yourself in the passion  of the kiss, allowing him to guide you. 

Finally, you both came to a stop, panting heavily. For several moments, neither of you said a word. You looked up to meet his piercing stare,  and it sent chills throughout your body as memories flashed in your head—of that night. All the feelings of longing, love, desperation, and desire rushed back like an avalanche, threatening to crush you underneath its weight. You struggled to remain composed, yet Luffy didn't seem to be affected one bit by the intensity of your emotions. 

"You want to make it up to me ?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes burned, pleading you to agree.

 You nodded in reply, knowing full well that whatever he offered, you would follow regardless. ""Tell me how." You breathed shakily, your fingers lightly grazing the side of his face. 

 Luffy gazed into your eyes, his gaze unreadable. "Get on your knees" he demanded.

Despite your reluctance, your feet immediately obeyed his instructions, and you knelt at his feet.  He grabbed hold of your chin, tilting your face upward until your eyes met. His hand lingered on your cheek, brushing a strand of hair away from your eye.

 Your eyelashes fluttered ever so slightly as your breathing slowed to a steady rhythm. Your hands went to the waistband of his shorts, slowly pushing them downwards until they fell to the floor. Your fingertips grazed over his skin, feeling the warmth emanating from beneath.  Luffy's cheeks grew redder with each passing moment, his eyes darkening even further as you stroked his lower half. He tried to keep his seriousness but you knew he wouldn't last  long; soon, he'd be overwhelmed by your touch.

His eyes flickered shut, his breathing growing ragged as  your fingers made their way slowly towards his member.  With your fingers wrapped around his length,  you began to pump slowly, savoring the sensation of his arousal pulsating under your touch.  Luffy moaned quietly , his head falling back as he released a shaky breath. 

The sounds he made caused a pool of heat to form between your legs as you continued to play with him. You were becoming aroused with each pass of your hand. But it wasn't enough you needed to taste him. You ran your tongue along the tip of his cock, earning another low moan from the raven haired man. You took the shaft into your mouth, sucking gently as you continued to pump him.

"Fuck Y/N," Luffy panted.  As he spoke, he gripped your hair tightly. "Keep going."

You complied. You licked his length once more before moving your mouth up and down his erection in small laps, occasionally sucking on his tip and making small noises of pleasure.

Luffy's grip tightened even more. “God, Y/N,” he groaned. “If you keep this up, I'M GONNA COME!”

You smirked and resumed pumping him harder. He was getting close.  You moved your mouth faster and faster, working him harder with every stroke. Finally, your eyes widened when you felt his seed spurting from his tip, filling your mouth.  You swallowed the sticky liquid greedily, swallowing everything, relishing in the feel of him. He growled lowly and pulled you roughly to your feet, placing your front against a table and pressing his chest against your back. 

"Promise me you will never leave again" he whispered against your ear as his hands roamed down your body, caressing and stroking every inch. His words, spoken so tenderly, struck you deeply.

"Promise me," he repeated more forcefully. His breathing quickened, his erection throbbing painfully against your ass. "Never abandon me again."

"I promise," you replied softly before turning you head to kiss him as you lifted your skirt , eager to feel him touching you again.  You let go of the kiss when you felt his knee between your thighs, forcing you to  bend forward. He positioned himself,  his hardness already poking through your folds, and entered you with one swift movement.

 He pressed his lips against your shoulder and buried his face in the crook of your neck, letting out a shuddery sigh. His hands were tangled in your hair as he thrust in and out of you, keeping his pace slow and gentle . His movements were controlled and precise, and you loved it.

You were surprised by his improvement and wondered if he had been with another woman. But the thought didn't last long as he began to move faster, his hips slamming against you in short bursts.

 You clutched the edge of the table, your teeth gritted as you felt your walls tighten around him, causing him to moan loudly against your neck. His pace increased gradually, and you found yourself moaning in response.

You gasped when he hit the spot inside you that had been waiting for months.  Your nails dug into the wood of the table as you squeezed your legs together, your whole body trembling as your climax started to build up. You threw your head back on his shoulder as your orgasm consumed you, taking control of you completely, leaving you vulnerable and weak.

You felt him tense as he released inside you, his hands gripping your hips tightly  as he emptied himself into you.

It took a few moments for your mind to catch up with your senses, and you turned to meet Luffy's intense gaze. His eyes bore into yours, a mixture of concern and affection evident in his expression.

"I'm so-" he began, but you hushed him with a tender kiss, not allowing him to finish his sentence.

"I was angry," he confessed in a soft murmur, his lips still lightly brushing against yours.

"You had every right to be," you reassured him as you reached up to lovingly caress his face.

Luffy chuckled warmly as he leaned in, resting his forehead against yours, his arms remaining securely wrapped around you. You closed your eyes, relishing the closeness and the warmth of the moment. The tension that had gripped both of you just moments ago had dissipated, replaced by an overwhelming sense of connection.

"I can be a real idiot sometimes," Luffy admitted, his voice tinged with remorse. He affectionately nuzzled your cheek, planting gentle kisses along your jawline. "But I promise, I'll make it up to you."

A genuine, loving smile crossed your face, easing the turmoil in Luffy's heart. "It's all my fault; I should have never left you," you replied, your voice laced with guilt and remorse. "You don't have to be perfect, Luffy. I love you, flaws and all."

Taken aback by your heartfelt words, Luffy's face lit up with a wide, joyful grin. "You love me?!"

You nodded, a warm smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "With all my heart, Luffy," you confessed, your eyes reflecting the depth of your emotions.

A/N: Hope you liked it, so sorry again for the waiting. I feel like this part is really bad and messy but still hope you enjoyed it a little. I will probably make a part 3 just to finish this collection. Anyways, don’t hesitate to give other ideas, my requests are open :)

[deepmochi]

Pluto in Aquarius

Let's talk about Pluto in Aquarius, and what we can expect.

Since Aquarius is an air sign, we will see more information to hold us and others accountable, especially people who has power to help or change the world.

This air sign presents valid and real information. A lot of mysterious or secrets are coming, but usually these are an open secret.

Aquarius represents rebellious acts to society and want to change for humanity. In Pluto, this air sign comes and say "hey, what are you doing for others?!" This will be predominant to known people like celebrities and politicians. The reason for this is Aquarius' logic. If I give you, I should receive soemthing, right?

Common folks could make a change, but the rich is overlapping our small steps. We aware now, though.

Many "secrets" are going to be reveled to the public. Secrets that are open. For example, many conspiracy theories are been revealed as actual truth.

This time would be more logical. By logic, I'm meaning be reasonable. Don't trust words, see actions. So, if 2+2 = 4, the result is clear.

Celebs culture would be dying. Slowly, be are seeing them as what they are, some evil and greedy people, or just ordinary people with bad tendencies.

Your favorites will show their true values. So be careful who you idolize. Aqua is more humanitarian. We can detect people with narcissistic and evil aspects.

Government and all the previous power institutions are gonna be renew. Some will fall and other rise.

The citizens are tired of lies and suffering. Many protests are coming. Rebellious acts too, not all is good.

Ai and technology advances are coming. Protect your information and use it wisely. Possible laws against the use of Ai and internet services will come, but it takes times.

Saturn in Aries will play a role in a more fire approach too. Many aggressive approach on online communities will be present. People would be more bold than before.

A more raw and honest approach is appreciated by the public. However, some people will think is safe to push hidden agendas (not good at all).

People will behave more aggressive, especially online communities. Online comments are become aggressive more than normally.

A new creation or invention would occur. Something for all of us; I mean, it involves our wellbeing.

Sexuality topics will be present. More acceptability but also scary things will come.

People would try to explore their fashion style and sense of self more. Creating a more individual approach than collective.

Old institutions and religions cult will fall. People will question their foundations.

Weird things make occur, like there is a eccentric part to Aquarius. New things coming that are not ordinary at all.

Gen Alpha trends will increase. Very interesting trends will come.

Renewing and a more open concious will arise, collectively.

Spirtual people are not perceived as weirdos anymore. Still, not everyone is being truthful.

More restrictions will come because powerful people will get mad that they cannot control the masses as before.

Individual take and better understanding of some communities. I respect you period...

Digital job offers are increasing, but being more socially in real life will be a challenge.

People would try to help others through technology, but it will be blocked by media.

Friendly people (truly) would be so appreciated. "Nice privileged" might be a new thing.

At the beginning, people will be more selfish; later on, the goal is working together. Since the "i need boundaries" will be misunderstood by many.

The big countries will be experience some issues. A new chapter will come, a new potency.

More investigations and questions about power will arise.

Something new for good or bad through science.

Alien contact...maybe through technology.

Spirtual attacks and stuff related are truth. Protect your heart and mind.

Restructuring political institutions and movement. People want changes!!

A new law to protect children and innocents against predators will come.

Society will questioned money 💰 and its structure?! A possible new economic system.

And more...these were some ideas / examples I got.

What we know, recently?!

For example, the expose of private jets carbon emissions. It was a privilege in the past to won a Jet. Now, we cuestioned why rich people use it constantly?! The planet's condition is so bad, and look the Superbowl. Many celebrities and rich people travel there in their private jet, more especially 525 private jets were there for a GAME?! Crazy. Meanwhile some of us a collective take the bus to work or study or share a taxi. Funny, we need to use less plastic to protect our planet. Then, they use their private jets for fun times.

This type of information is known since Aquarius is ruled by knowledge and humanitarian actions. Nowadays, we has access to this info, and we know by now that rich people is selfish.

It's not shocking so far. We as a collective are called to acknowledge and questions those with resources and power. However, the way we act is different. Remeber, Aqua is a unique sign.

Another example: Just look at the scandals during January 2024, the Epstein list news, Nicky Minaj and Megan thee Stallion beef. In both cases, people are like damn they have money and use it for what? Evil creatures.

Example: For Nicky and Megan's case, people are asking Nicky why she defend her husband and brother for being the sexual offender?! Is she crazy? Again the info isn't hidden. Minaj is married, and it isn't a secret. Actually, we already know about this. You can seach on internet, but the collective didn't accep it. When Pluto was still in Capricorn surviving is necessary. Even with the war, we know is happening, but we need to still need to pay our apartment, buy groceries, or study. Unfortunately, we, common folks, citizens aren't not the answer. Pluto comes questions us?

We make them famous, are these people returning the favor to society? Why rich people doesn't can't help if they have the resources? They can do something, but they don't do it. WHY? BECAUSE they don't care, they're are selfish. This is why people are posting their sides. Expect more and more people sharing opinions and technology advances too.

Note: not everything is set on a stone. Take what resonates. If doesn't resonates, IGNORE IT!

[demodraws0606]

An character analysis POV as to how Hu could be the culprit (and a little bit of Nico stuff as well)

tw/ mentions of suicide

So I've seen certain Eden!Culprit truthers just not really believing that Hu could be the culprit because of her behavior during the class trial. However her committing murder against Arei and Ace makes a lot more sense than Eden does by a longshot (especially with Eden having no accomplices atp).

But I also understand why people are confused by Hu's behavior if she could possibly be the culprit. There's a lot of things that don't seem to make sense on the surface that I also accepted however digging further, you can find a version of Hu that honestly fits really well as the culprit of this chapter.

I will also throw in analysis of Nico's behavior because a lot of their behavior during this class trial is strange if Hu really is the culprit but again I think I can explain why this happened.

I also want to preface this by saying that I do think Hu is going to be a heavily flawed character but I don't think she's malicious in any way shape or form. If I find any Hu hate after she's revealed to be the culprit, I will actually fight your ass and that's a promise.

Her outburst against David :

I honestly was also in the camp of not really understanding Hu being the culprit, doesn't this go against her outburst against David ?

Well, here's the thing, I think her outburst was 100 pourcent genuine, I just think Hu is both being a hypocrite in a way but mostly she's hiding her true feelings behind her wording.

Let's take what she says in her outburst :

There's a funny thing about her wording, especially at the beginning :

"You have no right to decide wether I, whether any of us..."

I think what Hu is trying to say is being hidden by her saying "we" and "us". In my opinion, she's probably mad at David for wanting to toy with her life, not even to escape himself but simply to commit mass suicide. Which we know Hu has a very complicated history with suicide due to her secret.

I do think her anger is both a mix of projecting onto David her present (and past self) and also her genuine desire to want to continue living.

She would be mad, she's trying so hard to live and here is David who both planned to let her die not even to survive himself but simply because he gave up. Interesting to note how she interprets David's desire to stop the killing game as "Because this killing game requires us to live, you think you should just reject that notion and kill us all". She doesn't mention him wanting to end the killing game, she mentions David rejecting the notion of living itself.

If Hu was a past suicidal person who now has committed herself to continue living, of course she would be insulted by David's action, it spits in her face and reminds her of a past self that simply rejected the idea of living.

A desire to live that's shown through this outburst and also in her secret quote.

Again switching the pronouns Hu is using here with "I" really gives a new perspective that I think makes a lot of sense with her being the culprit.

"It is not and never will be your desicion as to what happens with MY life"

Because Hu wants to live now, she's no longer her past self, she won't try and throw her life away anymore.

The murder of Arei and attempted murder of Ace :

I want to discuss both the victims and method of murder here because I think it works very well with Hu. It's not really a character analysis thing as much but I didn't want to make a seperate post for it.

Hu clearly does/did not have high opinions of either Ace or Arei, like at all. They were both people that Hu reprimended heavily.

Especially with the secret motive happening, it's very possible that Hu's possible choice of culprit was done with the notion of "who deserves to be killed". Her first pick being Ace makes a lot of sense

I'm making her sound villainous when I say this but I do think it was her mindset at the time, Ace's horrible behavior towards Nico possibly being what led to her to feel allowed to take his life. However when Ace survived, she decided she was simply to deep into it and decided to go with the second best choice in her mind, Arei.

I want to also point out the method of murder...hanging

Clearly the culprit had a lot of knowledge about hanging, with it being their main method of murder. Which would make sense with Hu's past, using her past attempts as knowledge for her to take someone else's life which I find very ironic and in a way morbidly narratively compelling.

What was the motive ? :

I think Hu simply just wanted to live, it had nothing to do with the motives (and I honestly think the motives will actually not ever be involved in the murders bc it seems like they're setting it up to be a recurring trend).

I think Hu was thinking about murdering to get out ever since she was put in this killing game. However the only reason why she has never done so is because she was way too attached to her classmates.

From her secret quote, to her outburst against David, to her secret motive. All of it hints at this strong desire to want to live.

However she couldn't bear to kill anyone in this cast until chapter 2 happened.

Ace and Arei both are probably the least likable characters in chapter 2's daily life, I don't mean that in the fandom sense but I mean that in the eyes of the cast itself. Especially Ace who truly ends up falling to horrible harmful patterns out of self preservation.

We know how toxic the cast became in chapter 2 and I think that's what led to Hu feeling more comfortable killing someone. She no longer felt as guilty when she saw Ace (and Arei but mostly Ace) acting this way. This allowed her to commit murder. When it failed, she simply ended up chosing the second person on her list that she saw as nothing more than a horrible bully.

After all who would miss Ace and Arei, they're both horrible horrible people right ? Who would cry for someone who isn't a good person.

It was a murder both driven by Hu's strong desire of survival and also her view of her fellow classmates.

Nico's behavior :

Before I get more into Hu's mindset, I want to take a little detour to why is Nico being so difficult ?

I know I've made theories about Nico being an accomplice, but looking back I don't think they actually knew Hu did it. Even if they're not telling the truth about Ace's attempted murder and Hu's false allibi.

But then why ? Why would Nico ever do this, don't they know they're potentially putting everyone's lives at risk

Well it wouldn't be the first time a character in DRDT's cast is difficult to the point of risking people's lives (i'm fucking look at you WHIT.). However I think there are both actually decent reasons as to why Nico wouldn't tell the truth alongside his issues with being non-confrontational.

First, I don't think Nico ever expected the murder of Ace to be important to the case. I think they lied because everyone else made it extremely obvious what their thoughts truly were and Nico probably thought that trying to argue against them simply would just make them look more guilty or not do anything at all.

Again I would like to pull Nico's secret quote for evidence here. Because again I think it just fits with everything here.

For the alibi thing, I think Nico genuinely didn't contest it because they probably believe Hu only did that to protect them from getting blamed. Again anything that would make Nico not get yelled at or suspected probably is something they would hold onto. They still have no reason to think Hu really did it, so again with their issues with being non-confrontational I think it would make sense for them not to contest it.

I think Nico's arc is heavily tied with Hu, and vice verca. There's an empahsis on how Nico is struggling to make their true feelings truly known because everyone talks about them and the one person who thinks they are there to protect them actually are just as bad if not worse in ignoring them.

Nico wasn't ready to come out, they were instantly labelled an attempted murderer and the one person who is here to defend them is someone who constantly interrupts them. The entirety of chapter 2 has just been them being objectified and not really giving them a voice.

Which I think comes back to a part of Hu that I think is related to the murder.

Hu's relationship with Nico and Eden :

Isn't that interesting how Hu has established relationships with both Nico and Eden, meanwhile Ace and Arei both have bullied Eden/Nico.

I don't think this is a coincidence and I think it matches Hu's misguided attempts at protecting people.

Hu wants to be useful, she desperately wants to be the strong protector of the group. However there are very clear signs here intentions aren't very glamorous.

In a fucked up way, it's very possible that she sees the murder of Ace and Arei as her helping Eden and Nico. Two people she clearly wants to protect (at least for Nico it's obvious).

However Hu's actions clearly did not help them, in fact, what she did ended up backfiring on the both of them.

Nico ends up being framed as a murderer

Eden lost a potential friend

Not only that but she had to have manipulated both Nico and Eden, to accomplish her murder. It's a flimsey self excuse for Hu to keep up her belief that she's a protector.

Obviously I don't think this was her main motivation, I've talked about it before but it's yet again something that would make it more easy for Hu to swallow the idea of being a murderer.

Is Hu evil ? :

No ! What the fuck did you think this post was for !

See I don't think Hu being the culprit suddenly makes her this horrible manipulative person. Despite the dread I feel with the likelyhood of Hu getting dragged to the ground if she's the culprit, I don't think she's remotely close to characters like...Celeste for exemple.

She's a person who was desperate to live who let herself murder by making up excuses, that she was doing this for the greater good somehow that it wasn't just a selfish desire of survival.

It makes sense for a chapter all about morality right ? Justifying a horrible action by justifying that well...these people she murdered weren't really good people were they ? Plus she ended up killing Eden and Nico's bullies right ? And I mean the killing game will only really end when two people are still alive right ? So maybe she's not a bad person. Maybe she deserves to live.

But people don't to be deserve murdered (99 pourcent of the time, i'm talking about DRDT's moral here) , not even horrible people. You don't know these people, if they could change, and you don't know what consequences you bring upon others by enacting justice like this.

And in a chapter about morality wouldn't it be interesting to tackle the morality of someone who would want to live no matter what. Is it fair to call Hu a bad person because she simply didn't want to die ? Somehow her attempts at killing herself in the past is wrong but letting herself be killed in a place like this is the moral thing to do ?

Is the fact that she killed people who she perceived as bad make this whole thing better. Did these people's lives matter less than her, someone who has been trying to actually be nice to others and help them ?

Or is her attempt of being a good respectable motherly figure only just a facade to feed her ego, a person who once didn't think they deserved now hanging to every possible reason to continue fighting to stay alive ? No matter what, no matter what happens, she needs to continue living.

"A pig never hopes to grow up into a human, because it knows that a metamorphisis like that is impossible"

[lukolabrainrot]

What do you think is the story with JD?

It looks like he is Ns bf, but that does not make sense on so many levels.

To say he is there to distract from something else going on e.g. a relationship of LN does not make an awful lot of sense either. Honestly, apart from the fandom nobody would care, especially not in the industry, whether they are together or not. And she could have just gone to NY alone of L and here were not ready to be out yet.

What are your thoughts on JDs role in this saga?

Ok here is where I am at with everything after the last week and a half...

First let me lay out what we got from L/N last week:

L/N obviously agreed to the post with L at her place as she's getting ready with a ring on his ring finger (they are both smart and know the fandom, they knew we would notice). People can argue all they want about those hands... I've stared at L's hands a LOT this year! Those are L's hands in the pic with N getting ready. Period.

N now has her claddagh on the left hand, which signifies marriage or engagement if worn in the traditional manner (which N appears to do with this claddagh). It's not on the ring finger, but has moved to the left hand, which is significant.

There was a video circulating early last week that included a small clip of a voice of a man that MAYYY have been L in the audience while N was presenting at the Glamour Awards.

L shared the October 3rd Polin meme with Xx (indicating he's a lot more online than we think and knows what we are talking about)

Less than 24 hrs later we get the Brb story at the Heathrow Airport with the two sets of carry-on luggage and two cups. L DOES NOT POST STUFF LIKE THIS LATELY. It was a TOTAL change in behavior.

L/N 100% coordinated those travel posts to indicate they're going to NY together on a "vacation" around her award and the BRB was a tease about SOMETHING and it appears to be related to him and N based on the coordinated posts.

Now here are my next points:

L/N have given us a lot of crumbs before, but last week was VERY obvious and intentional... so it made significant implications that something was planned on the NY trip, and we all had expectations that we would see L with N.

But THEN... all we have seen is N with JD (who tbf we've seen her with at various points throughout the summer).

N was BIG MAD about the hand holding video coming out and had her team ON IT with scrubbing and untagging the video.

Douglas is the only other person other than N who has said anything criticizing the fan for sharing the video.

So I will say this...

I'm VERY confused about how JD plays into this story... I don't actually think they are dating because of everything else that has signaled L/N are currently together (ESPECIALLY the rings and the very obvious clues last week). However, the hand holding video is not exactly a great look (and N and her team are normally soooo good at avoiding this stuff). It seems like a rookie mistake from N and her team, which just seems odd to me 🤔

I'm not sure why L/N implied they took this NY trip together (which I think they did and I feel very confident that L is somewhere in NY with N) if L/N WEREN'T planning to be seen together on the trip. The trip might not be done yet, so maybe they have something planned AFTER the Time event, but it's just weird to me 🤔 I have some theories on what might be going on BTS with L/N that might be complicating the situation, but I am going to hold on to those rn. But even with my theories, it doesn't make any sense to me why they don't just go public atp, especially since they have been teasing about it, PARTICULARLY last week 🤔

Lastly, I'm soooooo tired of the teasing! AND it's time for L to BRB now. Come on back Lukey...

So there you go. I don't have ANY idea what their plan was with the coordinated travel stories. I also have NO idea what role JD plays in all this... I don't think they're dating though. And I hope L follows up on his BRB story ASAP, and it's 100% obvious he's with N... we shall see... it's all very confusing tbh 🤷‍♀️

[yuri-is-online]

Thinking about the future kid au and Jamil!Yutu (help his tsum is so cute, i love the tsum events)

Like...you said Jamil! Yutu wishes he wasn't born so his dad wouldn't have been executed because some Asim relatives guilted him (desoite them being the ACTUAL reason he died)

Needless to say his relationship with his dad is complicated , but I can't stop thinking about Yutu being of two minds about his parents like "I'm gonna get in the way of your plans for the evening because I don't want either of you to get close and eventually die because of me" but also somehow everything he attempts doesn't work

Because Jamil isn't one to give up easily (none of the boys are) and he just- feels so much freer and happier than he ever has when he gets to trade snarky comments, silly puns and honest praise with Yuu. And he won't let this mysterious guy get ik the way of that, he pretends to enjoy his remaining years at NRC to the best of his ability thank you very much. Plus he's working on gaining his freedom and Yuu is his number one cheerleader at this don't tell Kalim tho he'll be sure to cranck up his enthusiasm if you do ofc he won't stop talking to them nor dreaming of what could be, it's all he has to avoid going mad

Yutu however is losing his mind because every time there's danger he gets reminded of his dad's corpse being dragged around and he keeps worrying this time his dad will die trying to protect Yuu from harm

Little does he know Jamil would rather give his life protecting Yuu than any Asim because that's his CHOICE and that's the person who chose HIM over everyone else. Cue Yutu recovering from the battle, looking around frantically for signs of either of his parents and seeing Yuu patching Jamil up, bantering lightly and sharing such soft looks. They look so happy despite their bruises and suddenly Yutu gets this nauseating feeling of dread because he can see why they fell in love, which means maybe he's too late to stop it now

And then Grim complains that he's hungry after the fight and they both share this look and Yutu gets the little sadness of "oh, this is what it would've been like"

Just- aaaaaaahhhhhhh this au is so good and so angsty but also I wanna add just a little bit of fluff for these poor boys (my original thought was of Yutu seeing his parents meeting in the town and following them to try to sabotage their not-date only to end up making each scenario more romantic until he gives up when they start dancing in the middle of nowhere and he recognizes the dance from when Yuu taught him many years ago)

Happy Birthday Jamil (so sorry this is late), the tsum part of this post really shows you how old it is I am so sorry. Jamil is a real cutie though, his birthday message this year is him thanking Yuu for being someone he can trust to give him something without having ulterior motives. Post OB! Jamil should have a special sort of respect for Yuu I think. He understands what it is like to have to care for someone who makes a lot of problems against your will, but maybe not that you could love that person in the way Yuu loves Grim. Lots to think about with JamilYuu, lots to think about... so this one gets to have two parts as well whoops.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, CW lots of self hatred and thoughts of death, body horror, major character death, bullying, and brief mention of suicide. This post features some o.c.s created by @archetypal-archivist for this ayuu. More information about the ayuu can be found here, here, and here. Masterlist can be found here

The early morning is a sacred time for your little family.  When Yutu was little you would sneak into his room to make sure he was still asleep.  He never was, he'd developed some sort of sixth sense for when his favorite person was home and would wait patiently snuggled into the red scarf he used as a security blanket to surprise you.

“Boo!”�� The scarf would go up in the air and you would let out an exaggerated gasp of surprise as your son giggled in manic delight.  “I got you!”

“You got me!”  He'd been little enough to lift up into the air then, you miss those days even though they were difficult.  

Your son still “spooks” you when you come home in the morning.  His former blanket has become a part of his wardrobe, and he's much too big for you to lift up over your head anymore but he's not pretending to be asleep anymore either.  

“Boo!”  Today Yutu has made some tomatoes and eggs, you think you smell coffee but that's not a smart thing for you to be drinking right now.  

“Thank you, little light.”  You settle down at your kitchen table and Yutu excitedly tells you about his plans for the day.  When he does this you always feel lucky, as if you didn't expect him to be such a normal and happy child.  As if there was something other than poverty and your illness that would hold him down and deny him any sense of self or success.  Yutu has never felt like there is anything he cannot do so long as he tries, he's very ambitious, your little light.  You've told him more than once you hope his spark never dims, that you are so proud of him for not letting his circumstances dictate his goals.

There's some relief in knowing you aren't here to see him hiding behind his scarf again.  It would hurt you to see how fast he shrinks away from the lich descending from his throne, putrid rotting flesh assaulting his nose even through the silk guard.  This is his fault, he can find no other logical explanation.  You would disagree, he has no idea what the corpse in front of him would say, but neither of you lived to see what he has.  He's not so full of himself that he thinks the world ended with his birth, but yours most certainly did.  

Yutu is a smart and polite child, the sort of little boy who makes old ladies swoon and insist that his parents are so lucky to have him.  That was a point of pride for him before arriving in Twisted Wonderland.  He never had too many questions about his father, he could see he wasn't the only one of his peers who was being raised by a single parent which was enough reassurance for him.  Maybe he'd meet his father one day, maybe he wouldn't.  He was much more concerned with making friends and learning everything he could.

He loves school in general, but his favorite subject is the stars.  It starts with him trying to amuse himself while waiting for you to come home from work and evolves into a hobby as he gets older.  His first proper expensive present is a refurbished telescope you spent a lot of time researching and asking questions about.  That's the first chip at his self confidence when he's alone in Twisted Wonderland; you worked so hard for that gift and he didn't bring it with him.  Sure, he didn't know what was happening but he knew something was off.  He should have grabbed it and kept it close…

Star gazing isn't his only hobby, he really likes cooking and experimenting with coffee.  He took up cooking because he was tired of waiting for you to come home and make food and expected it to be boring but there's something fulfilling about eating food you've made yourself he really likes.  The fact it makes him more attractive to his classmates is not something he thinks about at all, not one little bit.  You've never found him making extra food for a particular “friend” with a familiar determined smirk on his face.  “Your father used to do the same thing.”  You say it absentmindedly, the look of embarrassment you're met with is also quite similar.  “Not.  Another.  Word.”  

Money is tight, but Yutu still finds ways to participate in extracurricular activities.  He wants them on his college applications, sure, but he also wants friends, his own little group of people who won't care too much about his parent's reputation. Cooking club and drama class end up being his home base, you've got an unwilling front row seat to so much pointless highschool drama it gives you a headache.  He likes playing pickup basketball with his friends but joining the team isn't something he got a chance to do before getting isekaid.

The little bits and pieces you remember about his father make him out to be extremely normal. You remember his favorite food, that he liked cooking and playing basketball. You tell your son he takes after his father in how talented he is; Yutu is proud to be like his father, he assumes that he will get the full story from you someday. Maybe his dad died, maybe you never told him that he was going to be a father out of fear and never got a chance because you lost your memories in a tragic accident. Either way, Yutu is sure that one day he will find out who his father is and he'll be able to help you reconcile your relationship, whether it's by processing his death or reconnecting your friendship.

There's nothing particularly special about the day you remember.  He felt like trying something new with his hair and you had offered to turn his scarf into a turban, memories of fireworks sparking your hands into motion while Yutu tells you about what his teacher wants the school play to be this year.

“Careful!”  Yutu whines as you pull his hair through the cloth.  

“I am being very careful.” You laugh, the look on Yutu's face is familiar. Just like... “Jamil bought this for me, you know.”

“Jamil?” Yutu has never heard that name before, but he can tell it's important. He's never heard you sound so tender before.

“I think we were joking about push presents and he was offended thinking he had to wait until you were born to get me something nice.”  There was meant to be a matching piece of jewelry with Yutu's birthstone he thought you didn't know about, but then…  how could you have forgotten that?  You were going to make fun of him for how sloppy Yutu's birth was making him.  He was losing his touch, the old Jamil never would have been so obvious with a surprise.

“Is that such a bad thing?  You're giving me a gift.” Jamil is looking up at you confused, but it's not Jamil, it's your son. Your little light who- "You look so much like him." Your hand shakes, the world around you fades to black and Yutu begins to scramble.

~~~~

When Yutu opens his eyes he's in a dark room in front of a mirror with a mask hovering in a sea of green flame, there is noise buzzing around him that must be conversation, but try as he might he can't reign himself back into focus. You are still, eyes glassy and unresponsive to his calls. There is a man shaking him, trying to pull him to his feet as he calls for... the word he uses is healer and that allows Yutu to settle himself. "... a healer and take Yuu to the hospital wing immediately!" The Headmage snaps and a woman with brown hair immediately bolts to obey. The person next to her reaches out, but does not follow; the boy's presence is throwing cold water over a particular part of the crowd they would be wise to keep watch over. That isn't the right word so Yutu must be dreaming, he gives the man in the fur coat his attention and obeys, stepping forward to allow the mirror to judge his soul.

"Scarabia." If Yutu was not so convinced he was dreaming he would notice the way the person who approaches him looks, the meaning behind the fur coat's insistence he stay put and wait for him in the mirror chamber. But he does not. So when that person extends their hand, welcomes him to Scarabia and asks him to follow he thinks nothing of it. This is all a bad dream, you will shake him awake and tell him more about Jamil.

Not that he really needs to wait.

The first hit is a slap, the second is a basic fire spell but he doesn't know that when it sears his skin. He doesn't even know why these students are so angry, doesn't recognize his own last name he just thinks the word Viper is being used as an insult. When smoke begins to surround him he assumes the other students have decided to stop toying with him. He's going to die. He just found out his father's name, magic is real, other worlds are real, you are dead. You are dead and there's a foul smelling smoke around him; he's never really thought about what it would be like to die but Yutu finds himself surprisingly calm. "We'll be together soon, [parent]... father are you waiting too?"

"I would hate to waste a necklace on the likes of you." An authoritative voice cuts through the smoke, Yutu recognizes this person as his attackers scatter. The strange one who tried to stop the woman who ran off after the man in the fur coat spoke. They are wearing a lot of jewelry, necklaces and bracelets with strange symbols that seem to thrum with power in a way that sends a shiver down his spine. A rueful smile crosses their lips for a brief second. "Not that it would be a waste of course." Their focus turns to the cause of the smoke, a kerchief they give one more good shake before tucking it back into a pouch with even more strange necklaces wrapped around it.

"Where am I?" Yutu sounds so small, he curses himself silently for it but how else is he supposed to feel when the mysterious stranger looks at him with so much pity?

"Exactly where you belong." They say with authority, as if they are attempting to shut out any doubts before they can form. "But, as much as it shames me to suggest it, that might not be the safest place for you right now."

Misbah is how this person introduces themselves. Their friend, who is beyond stressed to see Yutu so disheveled and insists on healing him before allowing him to see you, is named Sehrish. Explanations can wait until Yutu has had time to say his goodbyes, but the look the older students exchange when you ask them to make sure your son isn't treated like Jamil once was tells him there must be a lot of them. Of the three adults, no one agrees how to give him those explanations either. The only thing they do agree on is that it is unsafe for him to be in Scarabia right now, but there won't be a problem with Ramshackle Dorm even if it's name suggests to Yutu that there really probably should be.

Crewel takes him there, explaining along the way who he is and what he was to you; a professor turned reluctant mentor who cared very deeply about Yuu and Jamil's future. He's reluctant to think of himself as a grandfather, he's just not that old he insists and Yutu laughs just the little bit, but if Yutu has questions about Yuu and your time at the school he is more than welcome to ask. On his father he doesn't say much, simply that he is dead. Murdered actually, but the use of that word is complicated by the circumstances of it so Crewel does not suggest Yutu speak of his family to anyone other than Misbah and Sehrish. Yutu learns, later much later, that Crewel didn't wish to traumatize him further. That he wished to take his time in explaining things. A good idea, but no one that realistically was going to work.

Ramshackle Dorm is unlike the other dormitories at NRC, all the students save him are magicless exactly like his parent. They all know a lot about his parent too, much to his surprise you are something of an idol to these people. None of them mind that he can use magic, it's just neat to be able to talk about the magicless prefect with someone who also thinks they're super cool; some of them have family or family friends that went to NRC while you were here and saw how you handled the overblots, others learned of you when they came here as refugees and were offered a place in the program. "Ramshackle is for misfits and outcasts!" A particularly messy third year proudly tells him when he asks him why they don't mind. Yutu doesn't really know how to feel about that. He never manages to figure it out.

Sehrish is a graduate student and Misbah is a fourth year, which as Misbah explains to him means they spend most of their time "in the field." They wished to say everything from the start, Sehrish wanted to explain herself and her family but did not think herself qualified to say anything more. Was uncertain of how her story would make him feel, afraid of it. The Scalding Sands is their primary focus, that would have been his homeland too had Yuu not been disappeared. Currently it is under the rule of a phantom of the Sorcerer of the Sands, one of the Great Seven Yutu will learn about as his classes progress. Misbah does not hesitate to tell him that this phantom once possessed his father when he was a student, and it is believed that this time it is possessing his corpse. It's a thought that sickens Yutu, how could this have happened? And why?

The why is explained to him in parts. Sehrish starts with the history of the Al-Asims, of the city they helped to build and the relationship between her family and his. She describes his father's burning resentment of his station matter-of-factly. His father was a servant from a well liked and respected family, but that reputation came at a cost. The respect was not for him or his talents, it was for how well he served his master and it drove him mad. The desire for freedom and recognition transformed into a phantom, his parent had fought against it and seen it defeated but somehow it had returned to rule over the Scalding Sands.

Overblotting is something Yutu thinks he has begun to understand, his professors have focused on it heavily so he knows what a phantom is. He's even seen a few small ones, but a phantom large enough to rule over a kingdom resembling one of the Great Seven is... frightening. The other students are all more or less aware of their existence and Sehrish takes the rest of her time to explain where and who the other Phantoms used to be. "We don't know why this happened." But people have theories. There is a timeline he learns from other students whispering behind his back, how his parent disappeared and then suddenly Kalim Al-Asim was murdered.

The living Al-Asims aren't at NRC, there is a rival school across the Island where they chose to stay. They don't speak to Sehrish, the only people he can speak to with any level of authority are the one or two older servants who worked with his grandparents. They speak fondly of the Viper family, though of Jamil they offer little specifics. Murder is again the word used for what happened to him, quietly after looking over their shoulder. Yutu had an Aunt named Najma. She was lively, talked about Jamil's business and constantly made fun of him while being proud of his accomplishments. The Vipers were an honorable family. They didn't want trouble. Did not want to rock the boat. But his father must have otherwise he wouldn't have wanted to overblot...

Yutu wasn't quiet before Twisted Wonderland. He thought of himself as outgoing, you would be so sad to see how small his friend circle has gotten. As time passes, as he fights smaller phantoms, ventures into the Queendom on his first real mission, as he looks in the mirror and realizes he has scars now. His scarf has protective sygils embroidered by Misbah to repair the holes, he's met a merman with pointed teeth who mixed him a drink and told him a story about his father that made him sound... human in a way that scared him out of asking for more.

Yutu has seen what his father became, looked a rotting corpse into what remained of it's eyes and listened to it try to speak with a windpipe welded together by ink. The lich sorcerer of the sands is his father. Yutu has spent enough time listening to his Ramshackle dormmates explain their medical studies to see he died young; there are traces of poisons in the hairs he returns to Idia that make even him shudder. He will never get the full story, never get more from his classmates or the Al Asim representative he meets when returning Kalim's body about how this happened. Just that it was deserved, that none of this would have happened if Jamil had known his place and never obtained his freedom. That isn't something Yutu can bring himself to agree with. His father had every right to want the same say in his life that you had worked so hard to give him, and you...

If you asked Yutu when he started feeling like he did not deserve to exist, he wouldn't be able to give you a specific answer. He certainly never felt like he didn't belong in your world, the general sense of disbelonging he felt he always attributed to his ignorance of his father's identity. But that was a fixable problem, he so firmly believed he would one day get to meet his dad and other family and then all those burning cultural questions would be patched up. But Twisted Wonderland was another matter entirely, the harsh welcome made him feel unwanted even if the Ramshackle students went out of their way to try and mitigate that. But all of that acceptance, all of that love was tied to you. The living Al Asims looked at him and saw a pest, expected him to show deference and repent for his father's misdeeds, while the older servants saw a tragedy. A child so fondly spoken of and wished for but doomed to wander in a broken world none of them expected to survive. Either way, the only message Twisted Wonderland had to offer him was one of rejection. Whenever he made up his mind, by the time he made it to the past and was settled into your version of Ramshackle Dorm he was determined to keep you from making the mistake of staying with his father.

Part 2

[starlight-bread-blog]

Katara is More Patient Then We Give Her Credit for

Katara has been getting a lot of flak for supposedly being hot headed and getting angry at very minor things. Even those who love Katara seem to accept this as the truth. But it's not. In reality, Katara is simply a female character who owns her rage. And I feel like there are two main components that debunk this notion.

Warning: Long, long post.

1. In the instances where Katara is angry it's either justified or makes sense in context.

The Waterbending Scroll

Katara stole, wouldn't you know it, a waterbending scroll. She practices before giving it to Aang, and fails hard. Then Aang who she's supposed to be teaching, gets it right and explains how to do it. Katara has an outburst.

Katara: Will you please shut your air-hole! Believe it or not your infunite wisdom gets a little old sometimes. Why don't we just throw the scroll away since you're so naturally gifted!

Why is Katara that mad here? Why did she have an outburst? Because she was carrying the burden of being the last waterbender of the Southern Water Tribe her whole life. Because her waterbending is the reason Kya died. Because she have been independently studying waterbending her whole life. And now her student is having it all easy and is trying to teach her.

And wouldn't you know it, she realized what she did immediatly. Literally, a second later.

Katara: Oh my gosh Aang. I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me. But you know what, it won't happen again. Here [the scroll] is yours. I don't wanna have anything to do with it anymore.

She even apologized to Momo. Katara had an isecurity rooted in trauma and pressure. When Aang try to teach her she hit a breaking point and lashed out. And not one second later she's already apologizing.

The Waterbending Master

Katara and Aang are going to see Pakku, the waterbending master. But when Pakku sees she's a girl, he says he won't teach her. This is why Katara gets angry. She flew across seas just to get rejected due Pakku is being a sexist freak. I think we can all agree that being denied something because of sexism is a good reason to get angry. And when Katara realized Pakku won't teach Aang if she'll keep insisting, she drops it abd tells Aang to drop it too.

However, that doesn't mean she won't study in secret. She deserved to learn waterbending and she knew it. She took the consequences into consideration and decided to not make a fuss.

But of course, they both get caught. Pakku says he will no longer teach Aang, the Avatar who absolutly needs to study and still refuses to teach Katara because he's still sexist. Only then Katara challenges him to a duel. Only when they have nothing to lose. She challenged a sexist prick to a duel, one who shamelessly denied her oppretunity because of her gender.

The Chase

At the start of the episode Katara gently hints Toph to help unpack a camp for the night. This is when she's not tired yet, and shows patience.

Katara: So Toph, usually when setting up camp, we try to divide up the work.

Toph: Hey, don't worry about me. I'm good to go.

Katara (still calmly): Well, actually, what I'm trying to say is, some of us might fetch water while someone else might set up the fire pit or put up the tent. *smiles* Even Momo does his fair share.

Toph (slightly irritated): Katara, I'm fine. I can carry my own weight. I don't need a fire. I've already collected my own food. And look. *earth bends a tent* My tent's all set up.

Katara: Well, that's great for you but we still need to finish-

Toph (loudly): I don't understand. What's the problem here??

Katara: Never mind.

Katara then goes to apologize. While also attempting to make sure her and Toph are on good terms by having her acknoledge that she wasn't 100 absolutly in the right.

Katara: Hey Toph, I wanted to apologize for earlier. I think we're all just a little tired and getting on each other's nerves.

Toph: Yeah, you do seem pretty tired.

Katara (slightly irrutated): I meant all of us.

Toph: Well, good night.

Katara: Good night.

By all means, Toph is in the wrong for the sheer refusal for communication. At first Katara calmly explained to her what was needed without even spelling it out. Toph was being passive, so she dropped it. And then she apologizes after doing nothing wrong just so they could be on good terms. Toph was the one being passive agressive. And Katara pretty much let it slide.

This is Katara. The patience she showed right here is her natural, normal self. The rest of the episode is under the context of sleep deprivation and how it's making them all hostile to each other. Including the pacifist Aang. Who's outburst leads Toph to leave. After she does, both Aang and Katara express remorse.

(Side note: I heard people take issue with the line "The stars sure are beautiful tonight, too bad you can't see them, Toph". It's been interpreted as Katara making fun of Toph for being blind, but it's just another instance in the recurring joke of the Gaang forgetting Toph is blind, and listed as such in the official A:TLA Youtube channel).

The Runaway

Update: This section, especially, is majorly outdated.

The episode has a silly opening where Aang is trained by Toph and Katara. Toph misses and accidently hits Katara with a big rock. After Toph doesn't apologize, it leads into a fight which is absolutly not to be taken seriously, that ends with Aang pointing out that it was supposed to be training.

It doesn't work as an exapmle for supposed hot-headedness because the reason this whole thing started because Toph hit Katara with a rock and refused to apologize.

But moving on to the real conflict of these episode, Toph scammed someone and Katara makes it clear that they shouldn't do it again, it'll draw attention to them. Aang promises her it won't happen again but.. um.. you know what happened.

Katara, being responsible, told them to quit because they'd potentially get exposed. Toph didn't reach well, telling her to lighten up. Katara rightfully gets angry, because they really might get exposed and Toph is dismissing her like her concerns are nothing. They have a short argument and Toph storms out.

This is why Katara was angry this episode. Her reasoning for being upset is the Gaang potentially exposing themselves for easy money. That's the conflict.

The Painted Lady

In this episode Katara sees a starving Fire Nation village but Sokka won't allow them to stay due to time limits. So she faked a disease for Appa so they could. Sokka confronts her. At first, she gives up and packs to leave. But since she destroyed the factory that's been polluting the villages water and taking their medicine, the people in charge assumed it was the civilians, and were coming to attack. Sokka and Katara get into a small but intense argument. Important to note, that she doesn't react intensively until Sokka does.

Katara: Well, what was I supposed to do?

Sokka: Leave! Do nothing.

Katara: No! I will never, ever turn my back on people who need me.

Her anger here doesn't highlight hot-headedness, it highlights compassion. Compassion is one of Katara's core traits. She's angry because she's being angrily demanded to see people suffer and stand by. And she will not tolerate it. She will never, ever turn her back on people who need her.

2. In reality, Katara is defined by her patience and compassion.

What I did here was listing off times where Katara did get angry. But Katara is generally a caring, kind person. Rather if it's cheering up Sokka, going shopping with him after he admitted to feeling useless; if it's pulling Aang out of the Avatar state, putting herself at risk when he's out of control; if it's helping deliver a baby of a stranger; or if it's freeing prisoners of the Fire Nation. She demonstrates impressive patience throughout the show.

The Deserter

In this episode Aang was asked to just control fire. Aang gets irrutated himself at this, but Katara assured him that it's probably for a good reaso. But when his master left, he firebent. He was being extremely careless with his new found Fire Bending and burned Katara's hands.

Did she...

A. splashed some water at him.

B. Yelled at him.

C. Ran away crying.

Yeah, she didn't express anger at all. Sokka was who's angry at Aang.

The Desert

The sand benders stole Appa and the Gaang is suck in a desert. Katara demonstrates her patience a lot this episode.

Toph and Aang are arguing about Toph not stopping them.

Aang: You just didn't care! You never liked Appa! You wanted him gone.

Katara: Aang, stop it. You know Toph did all she could. She saved our lives.

Sokka: Who's gonna save our lives now? We'll never make itout of here.

Aang: That's all any of you guys care about, yourselves. You don't care whether Appa is okay or not.

Katara: We're all concerned, but we can't afford to be fighting now.

Aang accused the Gaang of something horrible. Katara told him to stop, but still understood his anger and calmly explained to him that it's important not to fight in a life threatening situation.

Aang then storms out to look for Appa. Katara's response?

Katara: We'd better start walking. We're the only people who know about the solar eclipse. We have to get that information to Ba Sing Se.

She didn't get angry, she was rational and thought about the greater good.

After Aang comes back, Katara suggest they should try sleeping, gives the Gaang all of her bending water without drinking herself. And then finds a way to get to Ba Sing Se using the locations of star systems.

The Gaang spots a cloud and mistakes it for Appa. But Katara realizes the potential in a cloud. She tells Aang to fly and bend the water from the cloud so they could drink.

Katara (disappoibted): Wow, there's hardly any in here.

Aang (intensively): I'm sorry, okay? It's a desert cloud, I did all I could. What's anyone else doing? *Points at Katara* What are you doing?

After dealing with everyone's tireness, Sokka's high nonsense and Aang's attitude, carrying everyone, thinking of possible solutions to ensure they'd all survive, how did she react to Aang accusing her of not doing enough?

Katara: Trying to keep everyone together. Let's just get moving. We need to head this direction.

And after everything she did for everyone, she pulls Aang out of the Avatar state when he's raging, out of control.

Katara is not so hot headed.

She's sweet, nurturing and caring. She demonstrated incredible patience and perhaps even saved the Gang's life in The Desert with her resilience. Katara's compassion is her defining trait.

But that doesn't mean she's not a human being – she's allowed to be flawed, and in the moments where she does, she's very remorseful. And in the moments where she doesn't, people will still hold her accoutable for simply feeling a justified emotion.

Does it make you oh-so-hot headed to stand up to a sexist denying her opportunity? To make sure your friends don't destroy your chances to win a war? To not tolerate being told to see people in need and do nothing in a middle if an argument she didn't start? Of course it doesn't.

And other characters are allowed to express anger, to be flawed, in ways that are way worse than Katara without being labelled annoying hot headed by the fandom.

Katara is widly known to be irrational, letting her anger get the better of her, but it's simply not true.