#but I’ve been in a good place mental health-wise

[floraleevee]

Ugh this weekend was a good reminder of why I cut back on drinking. It’s been well over 24 hours and my anxiety is still through the roof.

[jolalibrary]

so, i know i hinted at it, but in november—my secret project is—I’m writing an original story.

I mentioned last month that I’d be around less in november and all of that still stands, workload, assignments, but I was cagey about the secret project—for absolutely no reason other than I am terrified.

this isn’t the first time I’ve written an original story (although was YA), but that time I did have a lot of personal things happen all at once, leading me to have a large mental health slip that now feels attached to me writing original, hence my fear. so, this is the first time getting “back on the horse”, so to speak and writing a different genre.

im sharing also to offer a preemptive apology if i seem off, more anxious and even more slow than I have been at getting back to people.

while I know I’m in a much better place, that I’m prepared health wise, have good people in my corner and a story I’m really excited about, my brain is slow to fully take that in. even as I just share this I’m anxious, and likely will be for the rest of this week. but some info for you:

this is a complete original story, so no fanfic works will be amended or taken down

it is a adult romance, because of course ✌️

it does have text messages (heheh)

I do want to stress! I am still writing fanfic (vampire!javi and blue and frankie will still be posted in november), I just will be slower.

and while I don’t wish to make this into a thing, I have being sneaky, and i think it’s also good for me to say what I’m doing to hold myself accountable, and have a place to run to and hide if I need it, while keeping those who support me in the loop—and explain why things might be slow.

anyway, I have rambled, i love you all, wish me luck 😂

[becoming-happy-for-myself]

Vision Board 2023 ✨

1. Exercise: For me this means moving my body in any way, shape or form. I want to go on walks, experience nature, different places in and around my city, go on hikes. I’ve recently bought a used Crosstrainer/elliptical off of eBay - I’m going to use it 3-4 times a week to build up endurance and to simply keep my heart and therefore my entire body healthy. It has for some reason always been a little dream of mine to some day run a (half-)marathon. I am nowhere near able to do that anytime soon... But this year I'm starting to work on that!

2. Diet: I want to cook more. I want to use fresh vegetables and fruit. I want to limit fast food/sweets/processed food because I know they don’t make me feel good and they’re not contributing to my goals. I’m not saying I won’t ever eat any of those things again, but they should be an exception, not the norm. Since I also struggle with Crohn’s disease, this is a very important aspect that I have to figure out for the rest of my life. Even though the medication I'm on right now is doing a good job, I’m sure I can support my body by feeding it actual real food - and therefore also prevent future flares.

3. Self-Care: This includes skin and hair care. I have very acne-prone and oily skin, but I know that actually drinking a lot of water and religiously following a skincare routine does help a lot. Self care for me also means taking care of my mental health. I’ve always been a pretty anxious person, but this last year really hasn’t been great. I want to start journaling / writing in a diary again, as this helps me clear my head and at the same time it is a wonderful thing to look back trough my life at a later point. I also want to figure out, what it is I want to do with my life (career wise). I’m currently studying in a masters program, but as of late I'm not sure if that’s actually what I want / should be doing.

I’m going to share my journey on this blog, which will also include specific goals, daily routines, what I eat, and what I do to reach my goals. I want to lose weight (around 15 kgs / 33 lbs), feel healthier and more energized overall and become happy and content with the way I live my life. I hope you guys are along for the ride ✨

[stranger-rants]

I’m not sure what is going on fandom-wise, because I’ve been more passively involved in the past few months. So, I won’t speak on anything I don’t particularly understand. In general, I think there’s no easy way to be happy. There’s war and genocide. The economy is in shambles. People are getting sick (again). A lot of people are experiencing crushing debt and poor health. It feels like fandom is the only mental break from reality that people are allowed to have and when that space isn’t accommodating or supportive to us, it just pushes us back into the grim reality we’re forced to live in and/or witness. So that sucks and I empathize with many on that.

I’ve been focusing a lot on things that come easy to me. I’ve been trying to be nice to myself when I can’t live perfectly, when I can’t give any more of myself, when I can’t enjoy the same things, when I can’t be productive, when I can’t be nice or tolerant anymore, et cetera. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be most days, but I wake up with the attitude that I’m just going to have to find out and deal with it. I don’t need to perform, and neither do any of you. You can be unhappy or uncertain or frustrated… I’m unhappy. I don’t think I can say I’m depressed because I don’t think that’s accurate. I’m just unhappy because reality is not enjoyable or even safe for most people.

I don’t know what’s going on fandom-wise, but I feel deeply that many of us are unhappy. We feel isolated in that feeling, but so many of us are there. Together. Whether we’re aware of it or not. And we are desperately searching for things that will restore our joy, but there’s no easy way to do that when everyone is so achingly distraught all the time. Whatever is happening, it’s good to remember that we’re all in this place together at the same time. It’s easy to make it worse. Harder to make it better, but any effort made is a resistance to the doom and gloom. A big fuck you. We must persist. We’ve got no other choice.

I hope you can be nice to yourselves, too.

[jeannereames]

Hero Alexander vs. The Real Alexander

Moving to the second half of a recent question:

And if I'm not wrong, you mention at one place that you don't "heroize" Alexander. That's interesting, since he's often worshiped as a mythical hero. Why did you move away from that?

As a writer (and a reader), I’ve always been intrigued by the challenge of humanizing the “inhuman” (which can also include the ridiculously talented).

When I fell in love with Tolkien as a girl, I wanted to know what it would be like to be an elf, to have magic, to live that long, etcetera. Maybe that’s also why I always preferred Marvel superheroes over DC. Their hallmark was to make the fantastic (mutants, etc.) more human.

Now, I love me some traditional mythopoetic fantasy, but I’m no good at producing it myself. What is mythopoetic style? Peter Beagle, Patricia McKillip, Nancy Springer, C.J. Cherryh’s sidhe novels, my friend Meredith Ann Pierce … and of course Tolkien himself, where magic is real and magical creatures are…well, magical. Inhuman. Elves … not hobbits. Like a fairy tale…a myth (hence “mythopoetic”).

Anyway, I love reading that, but can’t write it to save my soul. When I write epic/historical fantasy (and I do see SFF as my home genre), it’s closer to anthro SF than to any mythopoetic style. My current MIP (monster-in-progress) is a 6-book series set on a secondary world where two branches of humanity survived, one of which, the Aphê, have super-convenient prehensile tails. 😊 The character journey for one of the protags across the first three novels is to recognize the Aphê as human and fallible rather than as a “noble savage” wise people. (Yes, questions of “What does it mean to be ‘civilized’?” are among the series themes.)

When it comes to historical fiction, I take the same tack. Alexander is interesting to me because he was a real person who accomplished extraordinary things.* What might he have been like in real life?

Making him too perfect—good at everything, no/few mistakes (just misunderstood), always honorable, etc., bores me. That’s the Alexander of his own marketing campaign. (laugh) It was adopted and refined by some later historians such as Arrian, and Plutarch in his rhetorical pieces (less in the Life but still there). That’s why I’m not a huge fan of Renault’s Alexander, and generally prefer her other Greek novels. Manfredi and (sorta) Pressfield do the same. Tarr and Graham also keep him deliberately at a distance to allow him to remain heroized, but it bothers me less because he’s at a distance. (Btw, I do not dislike Renault's ATG novels; they're just not among my favorites, either on Alexander, or of hers.)

Yet I’m not a fan of the other approach, either: to “humanize” him by taking him down a notch—making him NOT all that, just lucky (Lucian, and Nick Nicastro). Or by upending the heroic narrative altogether and turning him into a megalomaniacal “wicked tyrant” ala Pompeius Trogus/Justin or Seneca (and Chris Cameron).

I want something (and someone) more relatable, even while letting him remain truly astonishing. To humanize the “inhuman.” I realize that’s a challenge as, the moment we do humanize him, it removes him from the realm of the hero, which in turn makes it harder to allow him to be “all that.” For some, any fault is “too much”—the proverbial clay feet—because they’re desperate to have an idol, a hero…not a person. So the haters come out when, for instance, Simone Biles pulled out of the Olympics for mental health and the Twisties. How dare she!

I’m interested in the person. Even if Alexander wanted to be Herakles Take II, he wasn’t inhuman (divine). He was just a guy, and for me, the fact he was “just a guy,” yet still accomplished all those extraordinary things, is the most remarkable part.

I’ll conclude with what I wrote at the end of the author’s note in the back of Dancing with the Lion: Rise (also available on the website):

In the end, whatever approach one takes to Alexander, whatever theories one subscribes to, more or less hostile to the conqueror, we are left with the man himself in all his complexity and contradiction. The phenomenon called “Alexander the Great” has evoked vastly different interpretations from his era to ours. It’s tempting to seek internal consistency for his behavior, or to force it when it can’t be found. Yet no one is consistent. Even more, history itself is distorted by those recording it in order to serve their unique political narratives, whether then or now. Conflicting politics create competing narratives, and histories of Alexander were (and are) especially prone to such distortions. That, in turn, brings us back to where we began: history (like historical fiction) is about who we are now, and what it’s possible for us to become. So Alexander was neither demon nor god, whatever he wanted to believe about himself. He was a man, capable of cruelty and sympathy, brilliance and blindness, paranoia and an open-handed generosity. As remarkable as he was, he was human. And that's what makes him interesting.

--------------------

* That some of these extraordinary things would be—and should be—reviled by modern standards is part of the uncomfortable contradiction, and legacy, of the ancient world. This is something I also try to depict in the novel. So there is never a “simple win” in a battle. There’s something ugly shown in or as a result of every single one. On purpose. Battle is, and should be, deeply disturbing.

[britany1997]

Hi

It’s been awhile

I wanted to pop on real quick, offer an explanation and answer some questions for y’all (assuming y’all haven’t forgotten about me in the past two months lmao) after I post this I’m hoping back off again.

First of course, I’d like to thank y’all for over 1000 followers and over 1,100 notes on If You Give A Vampire A Cookie… it’s good to know people still enjoy my work.

Anyway, recently I’ve been taking my mental health more seriously. I’ve been working through some stuff in therapy (yay therapy!) and I’m slowly getting better. That being said, tumblr really isn’t the best place for me, mental health wise. Unfortunately it feeds my need for external validation in a kind of unhealthy way, when I don’t get it, I feel empty, or like I’m not enough. Tumblr also feeds my people pleasing tendencies, I find it really hard to say no (even to requests I genuinely don’t want to write) and I find it hard to set boundaries, I’m working on that, but you’ll need to be patient with me. Right now I’m working on putting on my own oxygen mask before putting on anyone else’s.

That being said, here are some answers to some questions you may have:

Am I coming back anytime soon?

No probably not. Aside from my mental health stuff, school is crazy right now, even harder and more involved than last year. I don’t have the time or motivation to write and I don’t know when I will again. Sorry.

Am I coming back ever?

Yes, I plan to. My stories need endings. I still have lots of plans for things I haven’t finished, especially for Fate Yields For No One. I do plan to return for writing, but I can’t give you a date or time on that right now. And when I do come back, it won’t be in the same way as before. It’s not good for me to be on here as constantly as I was. I like writing, but I like living in the real world more. I hope you can understand.

While I wait, can I run your stuff through AI?

Abso-fucking-lutely not. If you do, I will find out, and I will block you. No exceptions. I’m giving my adamant and express negative consent. Don’t fucking do it.

When will requests open again?

Not for a long long time, maybe never. When I do return to writing, I wanna focus on writing the stories I wanna write. I plan on finishing the requests I have already (from July I think, but nothing after the last time I opened them. If requests are closed, they’re closed) and finishing the stories I’ve started. Anything else is gonna come from my brain.

Am I ok?

Eh kinda, but I’m getting better and that’s what matters. 

Thanks❤️

[mithrilhearts]

I have been so productive lately! The end of September and beginning of October has been so good to me, creative wise!

First and foremost, I’ve gotten an extension for my browser that blocks distracting websites (aka tumblr) after a certain amount of time, so it’s kept me from falling into the endless sinkhole of scrolling and lets me be productive instead. But also, it’s helped my mental health within the fandom on here. So I’m going to keep it up. It’s helping me break a bad habit of checking this place often.

That being said, here’s an update on all the things I’ve been working on!

I finished the last two chapters for “when darkness shines brightest” and will be editing those very soon for posting!

I have finished two of my event fics for Scribbles and Drabbles, which will release in November!

I’ve gotten started on my THAUC pieces, and feel like I’m ahead of the game there!

Working on my vampire au “where the shadows lie”, as it’s spooky season!

Almost finished with “fuck thy neighbor”! Just editing the last chapter!

LOTS OF OUTLINING PROGRESS!!! (2024 is going to be so much fun and newness!!!)

The list may seem small, but to me it feels like a HUGE accomplishment! I’m going to have FOUR new fics posted before the end of the year, potentially five (otherwise right after the new year). I’m so excited, and I feel so good right now and have many new Bagginshield plot bunnies in my brain I can’t wait to work on!

I’ll probably be a little quiet over here as I keep prioritizing myself, but thank you to everyone tagging me or dropping into my inbox with positivity and games, I see them when I check in, and appreciate them immensely!

Also!! I’m thinking of changing my url here…so be on the lookout for a poll 👀 I have three ideas I can’t possibly choose between.

[arien-elensar]

Prompt: Mulled wine, Ishizu/Kaiba, Rating: G (alcohol use)

“I never took you for a drinker,” Kaiba said, sidling up to Ishizu who stood by a shop stall that sold mulled wine.

She lowered her glass and looked at him, swallowing. “I’m not. But, tis the season.”

He hummed in agreement, smiling faintly. “I think I’ll join you then.” He made his way to the end of the queue that had formed before the stall and Ishizu moved to stand beside him.

“Is this your first time in Sweden?” he asked.

She shook her head. “No, but my first time for pleasure.”

“I’m glad you chose to join me here then,” he remarked. She offered him a smile.

There are many things I’ve come to enjoy about this country,” he continued.

“You’ve been here, is it a month now?” Ishizu asked.

“That’s right,” he confirmed. “I always wanted to come here for an extended stay. Gozaburo hated this country, so naturally my curiosity was piqued.”

Ishizu chuckled softly. “Understandably.” They shared a smile before taking a step forward in the queue.

“Once we’re done here, I was thinking we could get dinner in Sodermalm? Have you been yet?”

She nodded. “Once many years ago. I’d be happy to pay it another visit.”

They spent the next few minutes going back and forth on restaurants. They settled on a Peruvian place. Kaiba’s turn at the stall arrived. He added a sampler of cheese and crackers to pair with his wine.

“How are your brothers?” Kaiba asked once they found a spot to stand and enjoy their food.

“Well. Marik will be starting his doctorate soon. Hopefully it’ll keep him out of trouble,” she replied.

“What will he be studying?” Kaiba inquired.

“Developmental psychology,” she answered. “Specifically early intervention efforts in mental health.”

He nodded approvingly and offered her something from the sampler. She accepted, now nibbling on a piece of cheese.

“And Mokuba?” she asked upon finishing.

“He’s adjusting to his expanded duties at KC well,” the brunette responded.

"Good to hear." Silence fell between them as they sipped their drinks.

Ishizu was the first to speak. “As pleasantly surprised as I was to hear from you back in July, I’m curious, what made you reach out again in the first place?”

Kaiba swallowed his wine before responding. “I came across one of your articles, and it struck me; my aims were so singular when we first met that I never got to know one of the most intelligent women I’ve probably ever met.”

“So, you’ve come to see value in my field then?” she inquired.

Kaiba nodded, expression growing thoughtful. “The past has been a source of pain for me most of my life, supernatural or otherwise. But I’ve learned to draw strength from it. Similarly, I think the study of history has its place in addressing today’s challenges.”

Ishizu studied him, equally thoughtful. “You’ve grown wise, Kaiba Seto.”

“Hopefully I don’t show it,” he quipped.

She chuckled. “Not at all.” They shared a warm smile.

“Also, I find art is far more enjoyable when considering its history,” he added.

She hummed in agreement. “It brings it to life.”

“I’ve been wanting to visit the photography museum in Folkungagatan,” he began, finishing off his wine. “Would you like to go with me?”

Ishizu smiled up at him brightly and nodded. “Consider it a date.”

[ros3ybabe]

Life Update After a Few Days: October 18th, 2023 🎀

I’ve been a little busy with school, work, resting, and starting my workout routine back up, so here’s a little update!

I’m getting a tattoo soon! I know the aesthetic of my blog is pink and girly and coquette and I love everything that comes with the aesthetic and the lifestyle but I have an affinity for gothic style/spooky tattoos, so I’m getting a decent sized spider tattoo on my right thigh and I’m super excited! This is the first big ish sized tattoo besides the two small ones I have, and it’s the first tattoo appointment I’ve ever made so I’m really excited. A little anxious, especially for the shading portion of it, but I’m looking forward to how good it’s going to look when it’s finished and how much more confident it’s going to make me!

I’ve started working out at the gym again! My current schedule is three days of weightlifting (pull day, leg day, push day), and two days of just cardio. It feels so nice both mentally and physically to be taking care of myself like this again. I even bought some new workout shorts and gym clothes and I’m feeling better than ever! I’m focusing on improving my mental health right now and working out is doing wonders for me!

I’m working so much right now, but it’s worth it because I need the money for rent, tattoos, gym stuff, groceries, and whatever other necessities and wants pop up. I’m pulling doubles most Saturdays and it’s a little tiresome and energy draining but I’m managing pretty well. I won’t pull doubles every Saturday tho because that drives me straight into burnout and I’m trying to avoid that.

I hit 31 days on Duolingo and I’m at 28 days on Busuu, super proud of myself for keeping up with those two goals for now! I’m still working through the first two lessons of Genki and I’m still using the Kanji app but my studying has been a little bit more spread out because of my busy schedule. I’m trying to learn how to better balance multiple things without hyperfixating on just one and forgetting about everything else. I’ve noticed I tend to do that and that’s not the most productive thing for me.

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I spent a lot of money on stuff from Amazon (and Ulta) and most of it is here already besides the last couple Amazon items coming in today! I love the workout clothes I bought and the fitness/health tracker planner I bought is really interesting. I also got my language tracking bullet journal stuff in the mail so I am super looking forward to starting that up soon. Again, I noticed I tend to hyperfixate on one thing at a time but right now I’m trying to balance all my interests and things I need to do. My current “balance breakup” is: fitness/nutrition, Japanese language study, school/classes and academic success, work/making money, self care (sleep, skincare, reading, journaling, etc), boyfriend time, appointments, and chores/cleaning/housework. Sounds like a lot but there’s 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. Not everything has to be done in one day and as long as I manage my time efficiently, then I’ll be successful. I also try to take into account my energy levels, daily tasks, possible “curveballs”, and my current physical and mental/emotional well being. Flexibility is a must in my life but I do like having routines and things to stick to, plan and schedule wise.

I’ve been working on some posts ideas for this blog so it’s not just daily updates and stuff, but actual tips, advice, and my current routines and schedules too, to maybe help motivate and inspire you guys! I have some things in mind currently, so hopefully I can find the time to type them up and post them!

Thank you guys for 850+ followers! I never thought my blog could grow like this and I’m super happy it has! This community has given me such a safe and comforting place where I can just be myself without worry. I appreciate all of you so much!! I hope all of you have amazing days, amazing sleep, amazing skin, amazing grades, and that life is going great for all of you!

that’s pretty much all I have to update you on for now. I will be posting a Daily Check In tonight about how today went as well, to help me get back on track with posting!

til next time, lovelies 🩷🤍

[elsewherewitch]

💜🌚Life Update🌚💜

I know my blog has been pretty inactive other than reblogs but life as a real adult got in the way. I started this blog when I was a baby witch in college so I’m truly a completely different person now.

However, some things have always remained the same & there’s some good changes too:

I am still a witch, of course!

I am still Christian (surprisingly lmfao)

Still bisexual, happy pride month babeyyy

I am still mostly broomcloseted, at least publicly & to the majority of my family. One of my siblings found my notebook of witchy stuff and I was like 😬 but tbh I really shouldn’t have been bc turns out they’re a witch too. Not that surprising tbh bc we love going to metaphysical stores together. They also prob found my tumblr so if ur reading this: mind yo business 🫥

I’m more of a casual witch now; very much no longer a baby witch, though I am definitely still learning everything I can! Divination is still my specialty but now I dabble in ghostwork too.

I graduated and have had a few different jobs, but am now in my dream industry! Life-wise I’ve been struggling with mental health (what’s new 🙄) but this blog really helps my mental health, with spirituality & positivity bc I truly enjoy it.

I have cats and my own place now, so my witch stuff is all over my house instead of sequestered to a tiny table in the corner in my bedroom.

I have an absolute SHIT-TON of tarot decks: around 40+ now. That means I got a ton of decks I still need to learn about, sooo…

I’m gonna start by reopening some of my free requests. I do NOT have as much time as I used to when I was in college, but I do have time for shorter freebies so I’ll be posting the rules for requesting real soon & what you can expect from me. On the table is: Free 1-Card Tarot Readings & Free Witchy Moodboards. I’m trying to find a new app or program for sigilwork so my stuff looks more professional, if yall got some good ones lmk bc I wanna get back into it.

You can request them now too in my asks if yall want🤠yeehaw, let’s get this rodeo started ~E🌚💜

[balkanradfem]

So, I know this is a bad idea, but I had a dream. And in the dream, I was trying to go swim in the cold river. I remember just standing above the river, looking at it, thinking 'Why am I afraid? This river would never hurt me.' before giving up fear and diving right in.

And now it's daytime, and all I want is to go to the river and get inside. But, it's January. But it's not like, a super cold January, the forecast says it's 5 celsius, feels like 10 to me. It's warm. And I've been in rivers as early as March, why not now? It's not like I can walk. And I wanna see if it hurts my neck or not.

So I've been debating this in my head all morning, and now I've lost the battle. I'm going to the river. A friend already told me not to do it, so I'm going to not tell her about this. Also I'm pretty sure my mental health is in a bad spot, and swimming in cold water would fix that right up. So it's like, a win-win. I even took some elderberry syrup to make sure I don't get sick. I'm going. See you all later.

*later*

I’m sure you’re all wondering how that went, and let me tell you! I got up to the riverbank, and the water is huge, it’s been raining, the current is strong, the trees are half-underwater, the riverbank is steep and slippery. I’ve been to my garden first, and I noticed the top of the water in my bucket there, has frozen over, and hasn’t even melted yet, which had me wondering if this was, indeed, a good idea. But as soon as I saw the river, I was absorbed by unlimited lust to be submerged in it, and I knew I would not be able to go home before I do it, I could not resist.

I walked around the riverbank, looking for a safe place to access the water, and I found one relatively safe-ish spot, and tapped my way carefully down thru the mud. Then I saw a m*n on the other side of the river, staring at me. No thank you. I picked up my stuff and went to look for a decently secluded place, for heavens sake. I want to have a good time, not a self-conscious-I’m-being-stared-at time.

I found another spot that was, way less safe, and I’m standing there and thinking ‘This is actually so unsafe it’s ridiculous that I’m still doing it. I could slip and hurtle down this bank and fall into the water at any moment and it would not be surprising.’ So I wisely took off my jacket and left my phone in it, so it wouldn’t get ruined if I fell.

I didn’t fall. I put my hand in the water, and it felt amazing. My hand decided that it was the exact correct temperature and I loved it. I took my clothes and my shoes off, and stepped into the water, with my bare feet, in my swimming gear.

My feet didn’t like the temperature of the water so much! They were quickly going numb and pained. I started to get a little worried, because my instincts were now telling me ‘too cold, you’re gonna die’, but that didn’t make my desire any less! I stepped out and waited for my feet to get their stuff together, and then I stepped back in the water, and found there was a great spot where I could be submerged and holding on to a tree, so I don’t accidentally float away or lose my footing. And I went for it. It was just like it was in my dream, I was submerged up to my neck within a second, and it was amazing, and then the cold shock hit me so I grabbed the tree and got myself back out. At this point I was feeling incredible, my body was searing with heat and excitement, and I realized, oh, I need to go back in!

I went back into the water, but this time I stayed in, holding onto the tree, forcing my body to breathe slowly thru the cold shock, unlocking my limbs and making me feel at home in cold water. I was only in for a few seconds, then I pushed myself out again, feeling dizzy with satisfaction. I was inside of a river in January! I had never done that before.

The cold water released so many good chemicals in my brain, I ended up feeling excellent for the rest of the day. Even my chronic pain was all cancelled, and my mental health was temporarily fine. The only setback was, that after I got home, I found several nasty bloody scratches on my legs, and one of my fingers was bloody too; I didn’t remember getting those. It’s very likely I got them in the water, because I was too cold to notice that I’m catching onto thorns and branches in there. I’m not worried, if they refuse to heal quickly, I have my wound-healing herbs that can take care of that.

I can’t say I would exactly recommend this, because this is, in reality, a result of bad mental health, and I’ve been known to do these things before, and I never got sick, so I know my body is resilient to the cold shock. I will often walk barefoot in the snow just to get a bit of that cold shock to fix my mood. So while it does wonders for me, don’t do this in January, it’s probably bad. (I know because my friends yelled at me when I told them afterwards and told me I would get sick.)

[la-principessa-nuova]

OK, time for a more introspective discussion of where I’m at mentally right now.

Basically, about a month ago, I left a job that was very toxic and making my mental health much worse at a time that it really didn’t need any help getting worse, and after that, I immediately felt a tangible boost to my mood and to my general feelings and I felt much less disregulated than I had been, so I was able to focus and get stuff done.

But after a week or two of that, I suddenly started to feel much more disregulated, even though I was still in a much better place, and I overall felt less stressed and less exhausted emotionally.

But it’s almost like the exhaustion of dealing with the past couple years of stress is finally keep catching up with me. Honestly the last time I had a string of a few months that felt completely normal stress-wise was probably either late 2020 or late 2021 depending on whether being in grad school (which I started in 2021) still counts as a normal amount of stress.

But yeah, it’s like suddenly the immediate threat is gone (at least the one the least in my control) and it’s like my body is just like, “OK, now let me rest.”

Most of the day I’m mostly fine, but around like 6-7 PM, my body just crashes, and I can’t motivate myself to do anything. And this then means around 11 PM to 12 AM, I wake up out of this and feel like, “What the heck? I had plans!”

So then I either try to do the plans and stay up later, or I put off going to bed thinking I want to do the plans.

But now twice I’ve laid down “for a second” while waiting for something and then I woke up in my clothes bc I just fell deeply asleep.

And like, I think if I have the right mindset and can adjust my life around this, it’s a good thing. I need the rest. But if I’m not careful it can be bad, and also it means I’m still not able to be creative or get things done or relax. I’ve had episodes of D20 piling up for the past few weeks and every day I say I’m going to watch them and then I don’t but also did nothing.

One thing that is nice now is that since I had a friend over (hi friend if you read this!), that prompted me to clean up all the little messes that were adding up and disregulating me even more, so now at least I’m starting from a good place in terms of the state of my house.

And I’m also doing a lot of cognitive work in fixing my relationship with my parents (i.e. fixing the way they fucked up my brain by learning to ignore their attempts to keep it that way), so that plays into it a little too.

But I’m really hoping that over the next month or so I can get back to a normal healthy place because even though it’s technically fine, i want to make progress on certain things and I just need my brain at least a few more hours a day for that to be possible.

[unquietspiritao3]

Interrupting Your Irregularly-Scheduled Fic-Related Content with An Extremely Long Note on The Situation in British Comedy

Hi there. If you don’t want to read about my thoughts on everything happening in the British comedy scene at the moment, feel free to give this a skip. I totally understand needing to take a step away from such things. But I felt it was important to address, given some of the characters in my stories are based on the people involved/being criticized. I’m also going to link this post in the author’s note of my next chapter update, but feel free to share it before then with those who might not be on Tumblr.

CW: non-detailed mentions of transphobia, sexual assault, and childhood sexual abuse

Okay. I think to start, I need to explain a few of things about me.

First, as I alluded to in the opening author’s note for Should’ve been obvious, I am just an American with a moderate obsession with British panel shows and not enough time to keep up with the entire British comedy world. I jumped into writing in this fandom with huge gaps in my knowledge, which was possibly not wise.

Second, as a way to protect my own mental health and under the advice of my therapist, I’m what you might call ‘terminally offline.’ Before I reactivated this blog for the purpose of sharing fic inspo, I had not been on social media for over a year. I still don’t use it outside of Tumblr, where I follow a very narrow selection of blogs that mostly post Taskmaster gifs (love you all, btw). I don’t watch or read the news. I have systems in place with my friends and family to keep me informed when something really big happens, but outside of that, I am purposefully oblivious. The consequence of this is that I did not know about the two situations I’ll be discussing until I saw some stray posts this past weekend, and that’s why I didn’t address it before.

Third, I always (to a fault, my friends would say) give absolutely everyone the benefit of the doubt and see the best in people until they prove otherwise—and even then, even while holding them accountable and removing them from my life if need be, I try to be compassionate. That’s not going to change; it’s just who I am.

Now for the two situations, my thoughts on them, and their impact on my writing.

The Richard Ayoade Thing

I’ve said before that I’m genderqueer (she/they, equally happy with both, btw). I’m not down with transphobia. But I’ve read that Richard is a separate-the-art-from-the-artist kind of guy, so his personal views aren’t entirely clear to me. That said, the blurb he gave makes me uncomfortable because to me it seems to imply he does agree with the views in the book. I don’t know much about Richard and haven’t consumed much content with him other than Big Fat Quiz and some random clips of various shows, so please point me to anything that would confirm or refute this. For now, I’ll leave it there. In terms of my writing, this isn’t as big of a deal, since the Richard character isn’t central to anything and could be easily retconned out if I wanted to, but I’ll talk more about the writing at the end.

The Noel Fielding Thing re: Russell Brand

Like most Americans, I was introduced to Noel through GBBO. (Well, to be fully honest, I watched the Buzzcocks spanking clips long before then, because those get passed around in spanko circles, but I didn’t know, or care, who the guy in both of them was at the time. It took awhile for my crush on him to develop.) I’ve actually never seen The Mighty Boosh or much of Noel’s standup; he’s just a bit too surreal and nonsensical for me to enjoy when he’s in complete creative control. I’ve watched interviews going back to the time he was promoting Luxury Comedy, all his episodes of Big Fat Quiz, and some episodes of Buzzcocks, in addition to GBBO. I knew he and Russell Brand and had good on-screen chemistry, but I had no idea they were off-screen friends to some degree (at least, they were in the past; more on that below) until this weekend. I also didn’t know that Noel was ever accused of being in a relationship with a 16-year-old when he was in his 30s. I experienced sexual abuse throughout my childhood. Obviously, if that accusation is true, it’s completely unacceptable regardless of the legality in the UK and I will no longer be a fan of Noel.

But rather than try to break down all my complicated feelings on this situation regarding Noel, I’m just going to link to this post, which I agree with 100%, including the part about respecting people who feel differently. The two follow-up posts on the same blog give some good additional info/thoughts. I’m working on doing my own digging, trying to find anything relevant, including the source of the claim that the then-girl in the supposed relationship denied it too. No luck there so far, [EDIT: shared what I found here and it’s in Noel’s favor!] though I have discovered that she (now a woman in her 30s) and Noel currently follow each other on Instagram, and that Noel doesn’t follow Russell Brand (nor can I find a time Noel mentioned him after 2020, right about when it seems like Brand’s right-wing conspiracy-theory crap started). Make of that what you will. Personally, it makes me give Noel the benefit of the doubt unless and until further info is revealed.

Somewhat of a side note: It seems like people are most upset about the lack of a public statement from Noel, specifically. However, what I find odd overall is how there hasn’t been a real statement from any big-name British comic. Lou Sanders was basically strong-armed into saying some stuff in an interview that was supposed to be about her book. Katherine Ryan is very clear she doesn’t want to speak about it despite being the one that called him a predator on Roast Battle years ago. There’s this article about the problem in comedy more generally which several female comics are quoted in, and this one from 2020 including Fern Brady (highly recommend you read both if you can stomach it) but no specific quotes on Brand from names I recognize even there. Radio silence. UK people, can you tell me, is this normal because of the libel laws you all have? From what I understand, it’s much, much easier to be sued for defamation against a public figure and lose over there than over here. Should we expect to wait for an arrest or conviction (if that happens) before people feel safe commenting? Or what is going on?

Impact on My Writing and Final Thoughts

I’ve been having a hard time mental-health-wise, these past few days, reconciling the human need to connect to art with the fact that all art is created by imperfect humans and you simply cannot know what is in someone else’s head or past. That includes my own art. I want it to be an escape for you all, for you to feel safe reading it, but like everyone else, I’m imperfect, and part of that imperfection is not knowing what to do.

At least for now, I’m going to be focused on More than that, and Noel and Richard have never been in the plan to appear in this fic. As for the future, I’m undecided. I feel like I need more info, but I also recognize that we might not ever get real answers.

The sad truth is that writing fanfic always comes with the risk that the thing you’ve been inspired by is later revealed to be problematic. Even if not with these two, something could come to light at any time about any of these people we base our characters on. That last Guardian article I linked should give everyone chills.

I think the best I can do with the info I have today is to say I’m writing about a fictional universe populated with fictional characters, and my use of real people to inspire those characters does not mean I endorse their actions or beliefs; past, present, or future; known or unknown to me at this time. I also want to say, though, that I respect anyone who feels they can’t engage with certain fandoms or fics. Trust me, I do understand.

Take care of yourselves. I care about you so much, internet strangers. 💜

edit: linked the wrong article quoting fern, so added that

[infloresco]

RULES.

Hi, Janice here and I am finally writing some rules. It is a short thing, just putting things that I think that are very important. If I think of more, I will definitely add it here. I am a pretty nice and chill person. I love screaming about our muses and their interactions. I am an absolute angst lover.

General rules & quality of life.

This blog is semi-selective & independent. Activity varies from to to week basis since I don’t have a set work schedule. Most of the IC interaction will most like be with mutuals since it is better for me tracking wise.

AU and OC’s are always welcomed and encouraged, especially if we have discussed it previously. (I have yet to write down all the different verses Robin is part off, so If you ever have any questions about them, please don’t be afraid to ask.)

NSFW content is present in this blog. I will always try to tag everything accordingly but as a general rule interaction as will be discussed before hand. Because of that it is advice to be 18+ and over. Any interaction with a minor will lack any sensitive material. Anyone lying about their age in search of NFSW interaction will be blocked! On the tagging topic, for the most part I don’t have any triggers, but if you aren’t so sure about something and you wish to discuss it before hand you can always contact me. (the best way to do it is on discord. Tumblr IMS are glitchy for me tbh)

Very important, my inbox, asks are always welcome, IC (obviously if we are mutuals I will reply to it eventually) and OOC (especially if you wanna know more about my take on Robin). My anon are one but as a general rule: don’t abuse it. I’ve received a few ill intended messages. If they were to continue, I will definitely turn off anon.

For the most part this blog is multi-ship. I love discovering dynamics and if our muses click, expect me sending you cute lil things and musing about them. But if that’s something you aren’t too keen on, please let me know. The last thing I would like is to be a bother to you.

If I reply to an ask and you like to reply to it, please do. If you like it but you just want to reblog it, you are more than welcome to do so. I really don’t mind. And on that note, I’m not really on the reblog karma thing, If you want to reblog a meme from me, please do it. If you did it by accident? Please know I will not be made about it.

As established before, activity will vary weekly because of work but I will like to say that it will also be dependent on how I am feeling my muse. Hyper-fixation of certain topics prompt me to reply immediately, while sometimes I might not feel motivated to write. I try as much as I can to reply to all my drafts and inbox. Rarely do I clear my inbox so if you sent me something, I will most likely respond to it, eventually.

My mental health is slowly getting into a good place but sometimes the decline comes and my activity might become less. Even if I am not writing, I always love to discuss and plot, actually gives me motivation and serotonin to come back. But it is important that you know that I do this for fun, if you start pressuring me for replies I am going to call you out on it.

ABOUT SHIPPING:

I love to write various different ships. I love the discovery of something new. That said, please don’t force any ships for my muse. Chemistry is very important in any type of relationship. Be the romantic type or even a friendship. I love it when our muses vibe.

Robin is written as demi-sexual. Connection is truly important and the first step to have any sort of relationship.

I am open to a list of dynamics, from slight toxic and age gaps (muses need to be of age of course) Enemies to lovers… anything that gives me drama and angst. When I think of more I’ll write it down.

NFSW memes are open to people I ship with.

I have a bias for these ships: LawBin and Frobin but that doesn’t mean I won’t write anything else. Frankly I’ve been wanting to write Robin x Crocodile.

I am probably missing some things, but I couldn't figure it out. I think I've said like a million times already, but I will add anything that comes to mind.

[cheerfullycatholic]

Hey, apologies in advance for the ramblings but I really need someone to talk to about this anonymously 😅 so basically idk if I’m crazy or should genuinely feel ridiculous or like a loser??? But I’m currently living in Europe and one of my good friends is getting married in a few months and is out in the states. I’m supposed to be going out there for the wedding but I honestly think it’s been making me sick with stress. See, I am on the spectrum and I like to be able to do what I want and get away from people when I need to but there’s like an entire set of plans with more of her friends and of course extended family who I have never even talked to before and it’s not that I think they’ll be horrible but it’s a long time to be somewhere new and ofc she is going to be busy prepping for the wedding itself and I thought I’d be able to do things alone but I found out where she’s currently living is actually quite far from anything and I might have to rely on her other family to get me places. On one hand, I feel so dumb because it seems like such a great opportunity to also visit this place but on the other hand, it really is so much to not be guaranteed alone time and knowing she won’t be there all the time idk I’ve just been really sick to the point of passing out lately and this is the only thing I can think of that has caused such an increase in stress and I feel kind of pathetic for it? In any case, if you have any words of wisdom, advice etc I’d appreciate it and please prayers 🥺

Dude I totally get you, and it's not ridiculous or pathetic. I don't know if I'm on the spectrum but I deal with the same things all the time, and they just make my chronic illness worse. My nephew's birthday party and my step uncle's wedding are both tomorrow and I was having a rough time health wise just with the party but the wedding was hastily planned two weeks ago which was not enough time to mentally prepare for, and my nephew's party is in a place I've never been to before mostly with people I either don't like or don't know and I've been dying, man. And I can't drive so I can't just leave, ya know? Not unless someone takes me home and I can't expect anyone to do that. But at least these events are all in my general area, I couldn't imagine how it would feel to be in a different country! I will definitely keep you in my prayers

Firstly, since it's making you sick, you do not have to go or do all the things she wants you to. She's your friend, she should understand that your health just won't permit it and going could make it worse. It's okay to take care of yourself. But if you decide to go, what are some things that help you calm down and deal? For me it's listening to show tunes. I bought these open ear bluetooth earbuds (link goes to Amazon) specifically so I can listen to Hamilton at the events tomorrow without anyone knowing because I can hide them behind my hair, and since they're open ear I can both hear the music and the people around me both just fine and they don't hurt after awhile like normal earbuds do. I wouldn't be going to either events if I hadn't gotten these. You mentioned alone time, maybe tell your friend about your struggles and that you sometimes need time to relax and breathe by yourself and maybe she could figure out a place where you could rest. If you go, do what you gotta do, make gathering all of the stuff you can to help yourself a fun thing

[fastcardotmp3]

Hi hi!! I just recently finished Metamorphoses and have been thinking about it for a week solid. Just. Incredible. I’m talking about it with irls, that’s how much I’ve been THINKING.

I had a question relating to the epilogue; Eddie mentions that he and Steve broke up at one point but eventually came back together. What do you think was the cause for that official break? And what precipitated their getting together again? (I’m assuming the pauses that Eddie and Steve take in the fic are not the “official” breakup)

Thank you so much for sharing your work with us, and for putting so much love into what you do. ❤️

hi hello!!! I'm honored it's hung around in your brain that long thank you so much for your kind words😭but honestly what a coincidence because I am actually ALWAYS thinking about that universe 🥹💚

I would love to answer your question because the only reason I didn't include any of that in the actual epilogue is it would've screwed with the pacing So Much to go on a tangent like that (in an admittedly already too-long epilogue), but I've definitely thought about it!

Under the cut because it's me 🐍

The thing about where they're at by the end of the post-S4 timeline in that fic is they've grown and changed and matured a lot during that year and a half, right? They've learned so much about themselves and each other and where they fit, but they're also still so fucking young.

They're young enough that there's still just so much space for growing and changing to keep happening, and that's not an easy thing to always stick together through even when you're not prone to mental health relapses like these guys are.

They started working towards a proper Relationship with the capital R while they were still on kind of rocky ground healing wise, and no matter how solid they feel by chapter 10, someday they're going to be 25 and things will be changing again, they'll be changing again.

All of a sudden they're moving to a new city for each other and leaving behind the only place they've ever known each other and trying to find their footing all over again.

All of a sudden Eddie's changing career paths and making plans for a future he never thought he'd have and Steve is leaving behind all his repair-work clients in Indy and having to start fresh in Chicago.

All of a sudden there's a great big world outside of their door that's bigger than just them, and sure, that's always been the case, but maybe they got so comfortable in their bubble that going outside of it is as exciting as it is difficult.

There's so much still to learn about themselves, and they're both deeply imperfect, right? For Eddie there's the anxiety of losing his sense of self again and the ungrounded nature of that; for Steve there's maybe some lingering fear or even resentment for what it had felt like the last time Eddie decided to get up and go.

It's not just one thing, it's bigger than them just like the world, and it's Steve, ultimately, who decides he's scared enough of all the big upheavals that he can't be attached to Eddie like that right now, trapped in a tiny apartment together with nowhere for all the complexity to go.

Steve says he can't take care of himself while he's waiting for the other shoe to drop on Eddie's end of things, and so he walks away before Eddie can.

It's a break in the maturity, a taking over of old fears, but it makes sense, and even if it lasts less than 3 months in total, maybe it's good for them too.

Good to realize that they do exist outside of one another, that they don't need each other the way they once thought they did, but that they want each other all the same.

That it's no longer about not being able to stand without one another, and instead it's about standing by his side, holding his hand, even though he's got steady footing on his own two feet.

Steve is the one to walk away, and this time? It's Eddie who comes to him.

It's Eddie who says, I don't think I ever really grasped what it was like for you when I ran. I don't think I ever really apologized. I'm sorry.

It's Eddie who lays it all out on the table and makes it clear, I don't need you to fix me anymore, I just like holding your hand.

They still have so much space to grow and change, but the thing is, three months apart helps them realize maybe they're capable of doing it together.

Maybe it doesn't have to be earth-shattering every time.

Maybe it can last, as long as they keep working for it, wanting it, choosing it.

Just because they survived the end of the world doesn't mean they'll automatically be able to survive all the small stuff too, they know now, but they have the fight in them. The want.

And that's what really matters.