#but I’m seeing all these posts about what scenes/details that people wished were in the movies and quite a few of them have to do with food

[inwhichiramble]

Idk if this is just me, but does it seem like the Hunger Games movies left out most of the stuff about food in general?

Maybe I just noticed this because in my first read I was worried that all of them were cannibals, but like… in the movies it seems like they were never actually that hungry. Like, we know that Katniss and Gale have to hunt, and that Peeta gave Katniss the bread, but a lot of the details about just how hungry they were to get to those choices were just… gone. And when they’re in the Capitol on the Victory Tour, they mention the vomit-inducer but it was more of an offhand thing. What got me especially though is that in Mockingjay Pt. 2, their time with Tigris appears to be much shorter, but also… she doesn’t feed them! And from what I remember that was fairly significant in the books, especially considering the position they were in.

In the books, hunger was the driving force of the vast majority of decisions they made. Katniss literally spent a good chunk of her first games desperately searching for water—Haymitch rewarded their performances with food—Katniss described every single thing she eats and primarily characterizes new places based on their food (the Capitol and District 13 especially). TBOSAS supports this even further when you see how even people in the Capitol were starving in the aftermath of the war—that’s why sponsors were added to the game!

I just—the whole series is literally about starvation and what it means to be human, but the movies just focused on love and war.

[lornaka]

My five cents on Tech’s fate in TBB

It’s been over three weeks since the show ended and I’ve been writing this in my head ever since, mostly to have it summed up in one post for posterity lol. I considered letting it go at this point but I know it’ll drive me crazy if I don’t get it out of my system so might as well.

So here we go, some of my rambly post-finale thoughts on Tech’s death (and a few other issues) under the cut!

Disclaimer: while this post is in critical spirit (because that’s how my brain works), I want to make clear that I have nothing but respect and gratitude towards everyone who’s worked on the show. My criticisms are of the final story as a whole as I interpret it (art is art, everything is subjective, you know the drill), but one never knows what goes into the process of making it behind the scenes, so I’m not holding anything against the creative team. I love this show dearly and am in awe of how good it is at its best, despite certain things I wish they did differently.

To begin, if I had to sum up the biggest problem that TBB writing suffers from, it would be lack of closure, and too many red herrings. Not just for Tech, but many things. Major plot threads as well as little character moments are cultivated or thrown in just to never culminate in anything or to be immediately discarded after serving the plot, some of them incredibly misleading. Some of the top examples:

- Crosshair’s chip. We never get an exploration of how the trauma of his chip activating and being left behind not only affected his motivation and choice to stay with the Empire, but his relationship with his brothers. While it was made fairly obvious, if subtly, that Crosshair became free of the chip’s influence after getting hit by the ion engine on Bracca, the narrative treated this change as if it didn’t matter at that point, while it obviously mattered a lot within the context of Crosshair’s character. Add to that all these little details with him clutching his head in s1 finale, Omega expressing her disappointment in him, and Tech’s comment on how “it is just his nature” (as if it matters!!! See what I mean about the narrative treating Cross’s chip as if it didn’t play the key part in his trajectory? They throw in this line, like we are supposed to take away that it’s simply Crosshair being Crosshair and not like, the results of brainwashing and abandonment), Wrecker blaming Crosshair for not going back to them, all while we as the audience have been shown and told repeatedly how these chips work (and so were the Batch), we ended up with an incredibly confusing situation with lots of mixed signals from the writers. And once Crosshair makes his choice to stay with the Empire in s1 finale, his chip and the confusion it brought to his relationship with his brothers is never brought up again, because the plot simply moves on.

- Cid’s betrayal. After her being a major character for two seasons with a continuous relationship build-up with Omega in particular, she is discarded as soon as her betrayal serves the plot, with all that character development getting thrown out of the window. You can be mad at Cid all you want, but to me it’s incredibly weird and wasteful to end two seasons worth of build up on that note without it having any closure for the characters, especially Omega whose whole theme is trusting people and bringing out the best in them. It’s fine if they decided to make Cid exactly what she appeared on the surface (untrustworthy and self-serving) after playing around with her potentially growing through her fondness of Omega, but then at the very least the betrayal should’ve had an impact on the characters, Omega most of all. Even just one casual line from Omega in s3 about how Cid’s betrayal impacted her emotionally, however minimally, would have solved that problem. And no, CX-2 mentioning how he extracted info on Phee from her off screen absolutely doesn’t count as closure, because I’m talking about emotional closure for the main pov characters as well as the audience. Cid had a presence for two seasons, then as soon as she executed her role as a traitor to further the plot, she was discarded like she was a random extra.

- Emerie’s relationship with Hemlock. We are led to believe that he basically raised her, instilling in her the idea that she had no chance without him and owed her purpose and “safety” to him. You can’t tell me that this didn’t deeply affect her struggle and eventual decision to break away from all that and choose to help the kids, basically betraying Hemlock. I get that the show only had so much screen time and Emerie is a supporting character in season 3 at best, but common, she has more tension with Dr. Scalder than Hemlock while the potential for this rich deep conflict between them is right there.

I can probably list more smaller examples but this is getting long and I don’t want to go on any more tangents, so, finally, the biggest example of lack of closure and tendency of TBB writing to display foreshadowing that leads nowhere:

Tech’s death.

First of all, I’ll die on the hill that it wasn’t denial or delusion that led to such a big portion of the audience to believe that Tech didn’t really die in s2. If we look at the facts:

- there was no body

- it’s the finale of season 2 out of 3, pretty early for one of the main titular characters to get killed off

- the only/last character to allegedly see Tech after his fall is a villainous scientist who is known to experiment on clones specifically

- not a fact but: the whole scene with Hemlock presenting Tech’s goggles to Hunter was incredibly suspicious. In hindsight, I think the whole purpose of it was so that the Batch got Tech’s goggles back in their possession as a memento (and to show how evil Hemlock is to rub it into Hunter’s face like that) but it was executed in a way that read as something much more. It read as if Hemlock was going out of his way to convince us/Hunter of Tech’s death, but with us knowing who Hemlock is, his background in experimenting on clones, everything screams at us to not trust a word he says. Is it really so surprising that so many of the viewers immediately jumped at the conclusion that something more was going on there?

- Hunter’s (lack of) reaction/immediate narrative fall-out. More on that later as I address lack of emotional impact of Tech’s death in s3.

- it’s Star Wars. And there was no body.

So yeah, to me, it is completely justified that so many people read that whole thing as open to speculation at the very least, foreshadowing Tech’s survival at most.

Personally, I was 70% sure Tech was truly dead prior to s3, but not because the text told me so, but because at that point I was used to the show’s writing regularly sending out mixed signals, and a part of me was resigned to Tech’s death becoming another example of the writer’s intent clashing with their accidental empty foreshadowing.

As season 3 aired and the whole CX-2 plot was unfolding alongside continued lack of closure for Tech’s fate, my hope for Tech Lives reveal grew and grew, but in the end my initial doubt was proven right, unfortunately.

Oh, CX-2.. what a mess. You can’t tell me the creators went over all of these scenes, all of these lines, looked at the whole picture and *didn’t* see how it was incredibly easy to interpret CX-2 as potentially being Tech with all these little potential parallels. “Domicile” alone.

If they didn’t want us to entertain the idea that it could be Tech, they could’ve done it differently, but for some reason, they chose to leave that space for speculation. My question is, why?

If they truly wanted us to believe Plan 99 was it, Tech’s Noble End that we were supposed to take as this dramatic super emotional ultimate sacrifice and all that, then why would they not make it clear that CX-2 couldn’t be Tech? Why breed confusion? And breed confusion they did. It’s hard for me to believe they didn’t foresee the “ohh is it Tech?” speculation.

When so many members of the audience immediately and individually jump at a theory or have the same take away from the story they are being told, yet the authors say it wasn’t meant to be taken that way, something went seriously wrong with the writing.

I don’t like to speculate on such things because we will probably never know for certain, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had at some point considered CX-2 being Tech or at least something more for the whole CX plot thread, but changed and reshuffled things at the last minute for whatever reasons.

Which is fine and understandable. But it brings me to the heart of my biggest issue with how Tech’s fate was handled:

lack of impact and closure.

Let’s disregard all the Tech Lives theories for a moment and focus on what we did get: Tech, one of the main characters, getting killed off at the end of s2 out of 3, for stakes and consequences and NOTHING else. When I say nothing, I mean nothing.

Imagine, for a moment, he survived and stayed with the Batch. Nothing would have changed, in the grand scheme of things. Nothing. We wouldn’t have had a few obligatory “Tech mention, everyone feel sad now” throwaway lines/goggle shots and whatnot, sure, but that’s it.

Tech dying didn’t change the trajectory of the plot in any way, nor did it affect any of the other characters in a way that changed their trajectory. And anything less is simply not enough to justify killing one of your main characters. Stakes and consequences ain’t it.

Consider Mayday, for example: a supporting character, but his death in s2 affected Crosshair in such a way it completely redirected his journey, AND in s3 we got an episode that cemented the impact Mayday had on Crosshair and provided emotional closure for them. That’s a narratively meaningful death.

Tech’s death was not meaningful to the narrative beyond removing him from it. That’s why so many Tech fans insist he deserved better treatment: not only was he not present in one third of the show physically, but he lacked any sort of presence even in death. His absence was never processed or grieved by any of the main characters and so by extension by the audience.

And before anyone starts with the whole ‘they are soldiers/they had no time to grieve/etc’ arguments, it is the responsibility of the writers to provide the space for all of that emotional impact. It they don’t, there is no impact.

A few reactions here and there, moments of missing Tech as a person and a brother, not an asset, anything would have made this whole thing easier to accept.

The lines that we did get, from Omega mentioning the stuff Tech taught her to Echo commenting on how decryption would be easier if Tech was with them to “Clone Force 99 died with Tech” from Crosshair - each and every single one of those lines linked to Tech’s functions as part of the squad, his usefulness, but we didn’t get a single line in remembrance of him as a person of his own, no one missed or remembered him for himself or his personal impact on them.

Just one line from Omega about how he taught her about change being a constant part of life or whatever, or Wrecker making a comment on how Tech used to info dump about stuff, anything would have instantly provided that much needed sense of “he was here, he was a person and is still a part of us”. Instead, Tech was killed off to show that messing with the Empire is dangerous and risks are real, I guess, and immediately lost any and all presence within the story.

We never even got to see Crosshair’s or Phee’s reactions to losing him.

Speaking of Crosshair, that’s a whole other example of complete lack of closure: they never closed the loop on the family being reunited again after initially leaving Crosshair behind, and with Tech dead, it’ll forever stay broken.

They could’ve given this a bittersweet yet meaningful spin if they developed the angle of Tech dying on a mission to bring Crosshair home, making a sacrifice so Crosshair had a chance.

Instead, the moment Tech dies, we get Hunter (and through him, the narrative) immediately abandon the idea/plot thread of going to rescue Cross all while saying “let’s not waste Tech’s sacrifice”. Sacrifice for what? Clearly Hunter doesn’t see it as a sacrifice for Crosshair’s sake, so, what, to make sure the rest of them makes it from the mission? The mission to save Crosshair. That mission. Right.

I see people talking about Tech’s noble sacrifice that ensured his family got to live and eventually have their happy ending, but all I can think about is how the creators chose to have him die on a mission that was immediately abandoned and the only take away from that whole sub plot was Tech’s own demise.

And after Crosshair is back with the Batch, his reaction to Tech’s death is never explored at all.

So yes, to me Tech deserved so much better. If you are going to kill off a major character, it must be necessary to be compelling. The way I see it, Tech’s death was not necessary at all because it didn’t change anything. And if it was meant to, the creators failed to communicate that by choosing not to explore the emotional impact of it and not structuring certain story beats in a more precise manner.

To wrap this up, if the way Tech’s death was handled was satisfying for you, that’s valid and I’m glad for you. For me, unfortunately, it’s completely the opposite and will forever remain the biggest and most unfortunate low point in the story.

And while I welcome anyone to share their own perspective if they wish, please don’t take this post as an invitation for debate, since there is no one right or wrong way to interpret or be affected by art.

[winchesterwild78]

Behind the Scenes pt 4

Master List 

Minors DNI 18+

Warnings: jealousy, Fluff, language, SMUT, unprotected sexual contact 

A/N: You are newly hired on Supernatural. Your character was supposed to be one and done but the fans loved you so they wrote you in the story. You were supposed to play Sam’s love interest, but things get complicated when you fall for someone behind the scenes. This is a work of fiction. No disrespect to Jensen or Jared or their families. *kinda a long chapter, with a slight time jump

I edited this fast- please forgive any mistakes 

This is my original work, do not take it. 

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The next few days on set were a little strange. Everyone seemed to tiptoe around you and anytime you walked into a room conversations stopped. You felt like you were back in middle school again with a bunch of popular kids and you with a target on your back. You tried to brush it off but by the end of the second day you’d had enough. 

After your scene wrapped for the day you went to grab some food from craft services. You overheard some crew standing to the side talking. “I can’t believe Jensen is dating her. Her of all people.” One of them said. Then another one said “I know. I bet he just feels sorry for her getting attacked the other night. Did you see how she was dancing? Clearly she was trying to get noticed.” Tears pricked your eyes and your heart broke. 

Misha walked up to you “hey, Y/N, how are you doing today?” That’s when he saw your face. “Oh gosh. Y/N, are you okay? What happened” he panicked. The crew members that were talking saw you two and realized you probably heard them. They looked terrified. “Yeah Misha. I’m okay. Please let Jensen know I went to my trailer to lay down.” You said, giving him a soft smile. “Sure thing.” 

You could have told him. Heck you could have walked to the producers office right then. Why would you though. They said what you had been thinking. You were attacked because of how you acted, how you danced for Jensen. You walked to your trailer and fell on the bed in tears. You felt absolutely defeated, sad, and a little angry. Finally pulling yourself together you got in the shower. The hot water was welcomed and helped you relax some. 

Once you got out you pulled out one of Jensen’s shirts he left there and your jogging pants. The shirt smelled like him and it offered you some comfort. You turned on the tv for some background noise and you scrolled social media. 

Most of the messages and posts under your joint statement were positive and encouraging. There were, however, some that were just absolutely disgusting. Men talking about how they would have handled you at the bar, some of them going as far as to tell you in explicit detail what they would do. Your inbox was overflowing with messages. Most from men who offered to show you a thing or two. The other messages were encouraging and supportive. Some wished you and Jensen luck with your relationship. 

You put your phone down and laid your head down on the pillow beside you. Before you knew it exhaustion took over and you fell asleep. You were woken up a few hours later by Jensen. When he came in the trailer he saw you sleeping peacefully on the couch. He smiled at the sight of you laying there and you in his shirt. Jensen loved it when you wore his shirt. 

Jensen leaned down beside you and brushed your hair out of your face. He kissed your forehead “wake up sweetheart” he spoke softly. Your eyes opened and you smiled when you saw him. “Hey baby. What time is it” you questioned sleepily. “It’s after 2am. Shooting took longer than expected.” He replied. You sat up and stretched. “Oh wow. I was asleep for a while then. Did you eat?” You asked. “Yeah. Jared and I grabbed something between takes. Come on. Let’s go to bed.” He said as he helped you up.

He locked the door as you walked towards the bedroom. Jensen followed you in and took off his pants and shirt. You pulled the blankets down and you both crawled in. “Hey babe. Misha told me after your scenes wrapped for the day he saw you and it looked like you were upset. Are you okay?” He asked. “I guess I am. I just overheard some crew talking about the incident and our relationship. It wasn’t kind and it just hit me wrong.” You told him. He sat up and looked upset. “Who was it and what did they say?” he questioned. “Jensen, it’s fine. I’m okay. I know people are going to have opinions about what happened the other night and of our relationship. I can handle it.” You told him. 

He sighed but let it go. He pulled you into his arms and kissed your head. You looked up into his green eyes and kissed his lips. He deepened the kiss and you moaned. “Jensen I need you.” You whispered. He smirked. “Do you now? Tell me what you need, sweetheart.” 

You moved closer to him and started kissing his neck. Kissing him you made your way to his ear. Whispering in his ear “baby I need your lips” *kissing his ear* “I need your hands running over my body” *licking his ear* “I need your tongue licking and sucking my hard nipples” *nibbling his ear* “Baby, I need your hard cock buried deep inside me filling me with every inch.” *blowing your hot breath over his ear* 

Jensen growled and grabbed you, pulling you down and pinning your arms above your head. You squealed in delight and giggled. Jensen began kissing your lips and moved to your neck. Making his way down to your collarbone. You moaned, your toes curled. “This is what you need, baby?” he asked. “Mmhmm” you moaned. “Use your words baby girl” he said. “Yes. I need that. I need more baby please” you begged. 

Jensen played with the hem of your shirt and pulled it up. You leaned up so he could take it off. Throwing your shirt to the side he took his off too. 

The heat coming from his body was like a furnace. You were addicted to it. He unhooked your bra leaving your breasts exposed to the chill in the room. His mouth attacked your right breast and nipple while his hand cupped your left. When he sucked your nipple he sucked hard and it took you places you’d never been before. 

Your head fell back and a loud moan escaped your lips. You felt him smile on your breast. His lips trailed down your body to your pants. He hooked his fingers in the waistband and with one pull he took them and your panties down. You giggled and squirmed under his touch. Jensen stood and removed his boxers and his hard length sprang free. Jensen climbed back on the bed and kissed up your thighs. He parted your legs and took a finger parting your folds. His eyes widened when he felt how wet you were. “You’re soaking wet baby. You are ready for me, aren’t you?” He asked as he inserted a finger inside you. You moaned “Yes, baby. I’m ready for you. All of you.” 

As he pumped his fingers inside your soaked cunt, you felt your release growing. “Don’t cum yet, baby.” You groaned. He pulled his fingers out and you whined at the loss of fullness. Jensen lined himself up and pumped himself a few times. As he pushed inside you he leaned forward and kissed your lips softly. You both moaned as he first pushed in. You gripped his biceps and dug your nails in his skin. He pushed all the way in and groaned. 

Jensen stayed still for a moment. You bucked your hips causing a moan to escape from him. You smirked and he growled. “Careful sweetheart. You’re playing a dangerous game.” You smirked again and leaned up kissing him. Jensen moved his hips and set a steady pace. You moved into him. Jensen was big. His length and girth were the biggest you’d ever had. Each time he took you, it sent you to a place you’d never been. When you would cum, you would see stars every time. He was an amazing lover and you couldn’t get enough. 

Jensen grabbed your legs and threw them over his shoulders leaning further down to you and hitting deeper inside you. You reached your hand between the two of you and started rubbing your engorged clit. You moved fast chasing your release. Jensen’s length was hitting that sweet spot causing you to tumble to your release. “Jensen, I’m going to….” You came hard. Your walls clenched around his hard cock. Jensen picked up the pace chasing his release too. “Baby, I’m going to cum.” Jensen breathed out. “Cum baby, fill me up with your seed.” You begged. Jensen’s thrusts grew faster and as he came he pushed himself deep inside you. He spilled his seed, coating your walls. 

As he pulled out both of you collapsed, and he pulled you close. “I love you, Y/N” he whispered as he kissed your head. You smiled. This was the first time he had said it. Your heart beat fast and you softly said “I love you too, Jensen.” He pulled you in for a kiss and got up to grab a washcloth to clean you both up. Once you both were cleaned, he climbed back in bed and held you in his arms. Both of you drifted off to sleep. Content and completely in love. 

Time Jump 2 months

You woke up early to head to set. You character, Lilah was a regular now and the fans loved her. The running joke on set was everyone hoped she wouldn’t die because all of Sam’s girlfriends seemed to die. You went to the bathroom and got ready for the day. Walking in the kitchen you decided to make a quick coffee and breakfast before heading to set. You grabbed your to-go cup and put it under your keurig machine and pressed start. You grabbed an egg from the fridge and started to fry it up. Then a wave of nausea hit you. You ran to the bathroom and got sick. You rinsed your mouth and went back to the kitchen to finish getting your breakfast ready. When you started cooking the egg again and the smell of coffee mixed with it you were running to the bathroom getting sick again. 

“What is wrong with me?” you asked yourself. “It’s probably a stomach bug. Maybe I should call out today.” You said to yourself. Your phone went off with a text from Jensen. They were on their way to pick you up. You settled on toast and water for breakfast. You grabbed an apple for later. As you got your shoes on you heard Jensen coming in the door. “Good morning, beautiful. How are you today?” He asked. You smiled at him but he could tell something was wrong. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked as he knelt beside you. “I’m just not feeling good. I’ve thrown up a few times this morning. It’s probably just a bug.” You told him. 

Jensen smiled softly. “Okay, if you’re sure. We could always call and let them know. It’ll be fine,"he said. You shook your head no. “Come on, let’s go before Clif wonders where we are.” The two of you walked to the SUV and Clif got out to greet you. “Hey girl, how are you?” “I’m good, just not feeling the greatest today.” You offered a soft smile. As you were heading to the set you kept playing over in your head who you might have been around that had been sick. By the time you got to the studio you were running towards the bathroom again. The toast you were able to eat came right back up. You felt awful. 

Jensen brought you some water and helped you to your trailer. “Babe, I'm going to talk to the director and see if we can just shoot other scenes today. You can’t work today. You’re too sick.” You sighed because you knew he was right. “Okay, Jensen. I’m just going to lay down and wait for you.” You kicked off your shoes and laid down. Jensen kissed your forehead and left to talk to the director. 

Jared was coming out of his trailer when he saw Jensen. “Hey man, is she okay? I saw her run towards the bathroom.” “No, she’s sick. She’s been vomiting all morning. I’m heading to see if we can change the scenes we are shooting today. Hopefully she’s okay by tomorrow.” Jensen said. Jared looked at his friend and shook his head. “Dude, could she be pregnant?” Jared asked. Jensen stood there looking at his friend and laughed. “No, we used protection every time.” Jensen said. “Every single time?” Jared questioned. Then it hit Jensen like a train. That one night about two months ago after your attack the two of you had sex in your trailer. “Oh shit! About two months ago we didn’t.” Jensen exclaimed. Jared chuckled, “she could be pregnant.”

Jensen paced back and forth waiting for the PA to return from the store. He talked to a PA he has known for years and asked her to go get one from the store for you. When she knocked on his trailer he ran to the door. She walked in and said “I got a few different ones. Just so you can be sure. Some detect early, some are digital. I figured you wanted to double check. Good luck! I’m so excited for you two, and don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” Jensen hugged her and thanked her. 

Jensen walked to your trailer with the bag and went inside. He found you sleeping on the bed with one of his shirts on the pillow next to you. His heart warmed and he smiled. What if you really were pregnant with his child. He let himself get swept up in the idea of having a family with you. You started to wake up and you saw Jensen standing there smiling. “Hey baby. How's the filming going today?” You asked. “Um, it’s good. How are you feeling?” He questioned. “I’m okay. Not much of an appetite and still a little nauseous.” You told him. “So, Jared had a thought about what might be wrong. It’s crazy actually, but it got me thinking. He said you might be pregnant.” Jensen kinda chuckled. “What? That is crazy we’ve always used….Oh shit! That one time a few months ago. Oh my God Jensen, could I be pregnant? Oh I need to get a test, what is this going to do to filming if I am. Oh no!” You started to spiral. 

Jensen grabbed your arms and held you “Hey, it’s okay baby. Let’s take a test and go from there. Many women have been pregnant on the show before and it didn’t affect their character. I had Carmen get some tests so we can check.” He told you. He handed you the bag and you went to the bathroom with a small cup. You used the bathroom, collecting some urine in the cup for the tests. You opened the two tests and dipped them in the urine. Replacing the caps you set it on the counter and flushed the rest of the urine. You washed your hands and walked out of the room. 

“We have to wait about 5 minutes," you told him and he set a timer. The two of you sat on the couch and waited. At first neither of you said anything. Then he broke the silence. “Honey, how do you feel about this? If you’re pregnant, what do you want to do, or think you want to do?” You looked at his green eyes and all you could think about was you hoped the baby would have his eyes. You smiled softly “I’d love to have your baby, Jensen. Sure it’s sooner than I thought, but I have no doubt in my mind that I want to have your children.” Jensen pulled you into a hug “oh sweetheart that would make me the happiest man in the world.” 

Jensen’s timer went off and you both stood. You took a deep breath and you both walked in the bathroom. Looking at the tests you took in a shaky breath and looked at Jensen. You bit your lip as tears welled in your eyes. Jensen’s eyes filled with tears too. He pulled you to his chest and hugged you. You let out an audible sob. 

You pulled back from his chest and picked up one of the tests and read the small screen: “pregnant”. You and Jensen looked at each other and smiled. He cupped your face and kissed you. “We’re going to have a baby.” He smiled. “Yes we are.” You said as your hand held your stomach. You both looked at each other. “I love you so much, Y/N. I can’t believe you’re having my baby.” Jensen said smiling. “I love you too, Jensen. I can’t wait to have our baby. You’re going to be an incredible dad.” “Now we have to tell Jared he was right.” Jensen chuckled. You laughed. 

Jensen: Hey Jared, you busy brother?

Jared: No, what’s up. How’s Y/N feeling?

Jensen: She’s okay, still sick. Can you come to her trailer? I need to talk to you.

Jared: Yep, be right there. 

Jared knocked on the door and Jensen opened it ushering him in. “What’s up man?” Jared asked. “So, how do you feel about being an Uncle? Jensen asked. Jared stood there confused for a minute then it hit him. “Y/N’s pregnant?!?!” He shouted. You and Jensen laughed, shaking your heads yes. “I knew it! Wow, congratulations you two! Wow, I’m going to be an uncle.” He said. Jared pulled Jensen into a hug and nearly crushed him. He hugged you but was gentle. “I am so happy for both of you. Truly I am. Jens man I know you’re going to crush it as a dad, but I’m here if you need pointers.” Jared told him.

After he left you looked at Jensen and told him you should schedule a doctor’s appointment to get confirmation before you talk to the producers. “Okay, but no stunts until we talk to them.” He said. “Jens, I don’t know if I can do that. My next scene is a fight scene.” You told him as you bit your lip. “Well then we need to talk to them before we go to the doctor. We can get a stunt double in for your scenes. I’m not risking you or the baby.” Jensen said. You smiled and agreed.

“Okay, let’s go talk to them and then grab something to eat. I’m starving.” You said as Jensen chuckled. The two of you walked out of your trailer hand in hand towards the producers office to let them know about the baby. You prayed all the way there it went good. 

Tags: @nescaveckdaily  @kr804573 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter

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@hobby27 @manicjk

[writing-for-life]

Sandman Predictions

So we’ve been speculating wildly what the remainder of The Sandman might look like on here and in our community (join us!) for a while.

And I thought it would be fun to put my predictions to paper (so to speak) so I can be embarrassed about them later and laugh at how wrong they were 🙈

Taking all the casting announcements and BTS in consideration I’ve collected like a magpie (check out my #sandman S2 tag), I will have a stab at it…

Only 12 Episodes or Aiming for Renewal?

Both is possible, but I am more and more leaning we’ll get the whole thing in twelve episodes in two batches of five each with two wraparound episodes (one will be AGoY/THCoL in the middle, one the last three issues of The Wake).

We know the episode names for six episodes that are directed by Jamie Childs. That doesn’t mean they were in order, or that there won’t be other directors involved. It wouldn’t surprise me if they at least went for female writers/directors for AGoY/THCoL, and if that’ll be the episode that separates (or rather connects) SoM and Brief Lives. So here comes my totally unhinged prediction for 12 episodes, including the titles we know (mind you, they might also be working titles). The chapters from the comics are to be seen as fluid and not absolute, because there are a lot of scenes that are not linear in chronological terms and will probably be shuffled around a bit:

Batch One

“More Devils Than Vast Hell Can Hold” (that title is a direct quote from AMND): A Midsummer Night’s Dream, SoM Prologue & Tales in the Sand flashback

“Season of Mists”: SoM ch. 1-3, ch. 4 is getting dropped

“The Ruler of Hell”: SoM ch. 5 through Epilogue

TBA: AGoY & THCoL “Brief Lives”: Brief Lives ch. 1-3. Maybe the first parts of Thermidor (could also be ep. 5).

“Brief Lives”: Brief Lives ch. 1-5 “The Song of Orpheus”: Brief Lives ch. 4-6 and The Song of Orpheus segueing into

“The Song of Orpheus”: Brief Lives ch. 6. Bast is an excellent cut to SoO. “Family Blood”: Brief Lives ch. 7-9. Parts of Thermidor will also be in there.

Batch Two

“Family Blood”: Brief Lives ch. 7-9 TBA: TKO ch. 1-4

TBA: TKO ch. 1-4 TBA: TKO ch. 5-7

TBA: TKO ch. 5-8 TBA: TKO ch. 8-10

TBA: TKO ch. 11-13

TBA: The Wake (all of it apart from…)

TBA: Sunday Mourning/Exiles/The Tempest

Edit 19/09:

[strikeouts in text done on same day]

So I’ve read The High Cost of Living again over the past few days because it didn’t want to leave me alone, and I’ve now convinced myself we’ll get it as a side-plot to Brief Lives in episodes 4-6, and that we’ll get tiny bits of AGoY, (mostly to set up Wanda/Ruby for Brief Lives and Hazel/Foxglove for THCoL) as a side plot to SoM in episodes 1-3. Spoilers ahead, so skip if that’s not your thing:

Both Sexton and Orpheus have a death wish. I don’t want to drag this out too much because the post is long enough as it is, but suffice it to say, Sexton rethinks after spending a day with Didi/Death, while Orpheus is granted his wish. And this is what ultimately sets Morpheus on his own path. The meaning of “So live” would be beautifully contrasted that way because it has different meaning to different people, depending on their own experience. Add to that Death spending a “brief life” for one day herself, and I can somewhat see the vision.

Failing this, THCoL could also be a special in episode 13 that hasn’t been announced yet (I’d rather have Overture though if I’m honest).

In more detail:

A Midsummer Night’s Dream and The Tempest will be bookends, one before SoM, one after The Wake (they don’t necessarily have to be full episodes, they could be half each and make up roughly an hour combined. It really depends on overall runtime).

We’ll kick off batch one with Season of Mists (maybe the prologue and will also be in episode 1–there are several points in AMND that would make good cuts into SoM), and Tales in the Sand won’t be a full episode but incorporated as flashbacks (maybe around the family dinner). After we conclude SoM, we’ll get one episode of AGoY will be a side-plot to SoM, as per above (if it happens at all), and leads into THCoL as a side-plot to Brief Lives as per my edit above, because there’s a through-line in there for Fox and Hazel, plus we can set up Wanda/Ruby for Brief Lives.

Bonus 1:

Johanna will be somehow involved in SoM (she’s the Hellblazer after all), and we’ll get her to hook up with Murphy. No need for a longwinded introduction of Thessaly. Or, failing that, we just cut out the love interest completely, Morpheus does his moping session because Nada rebuffs him again, but Jo will still take Thessaly’s place as the crone.

We’ll move into roughly three episodes of Song of Orpheus/Thermidor and Brief Lives from there. Wanda will die in Brief Lives like Ruby, not in AGoY.

We finish the first batch with Morpheus alone on his chair after you-know-what 😩

Second batch: TKO and The Wake. Little bits of World’s End will be woven in where it fits, maybe already in the first batch as well. Same goes for little bits of standalone issues from Fables and Reflections.

Jo will take Thessaly’s place and protect Lyta because she’d just believe it’s the right thing to do (she also sympathises because she lost Astra). Whether she also holds a deeper grudge depends on if they set them up as having an affair or not.

My guess is four episodes TKO and one for the Wake. Sunday Mourning and Exiles will be done in one episode. The movie concept art that Jill Thompson did ages ago showed Daniel in the distance on the beach with the other three, and I think that’s a good tie-in point to lead into Exiles. Even the Tempest might fit in there if they make the last episode more feature-length. And you’ve got your two Shakespeare bookends.

Bonus 2:

Hob will be reinstalled to his narrative purpose because at least half the fandom will drop him like a hot potato and ship Morpheus x Cluracan instead. Because:

If you think 12 episodes are tight: Yes, if you want to see every detail and issue of the comics. But not everything you see in a graphic novel translates well to screen, plus you don’t perceive time the same way. What takes ages to read can be something like 30 seconds in a film. Add to this that the movie that never happened was conceptualised as a trilogy if I’m not mistaken, so probably 6-8 hours planned runtime in total. So they always had a definite idea how to streamline it, and they were planning for it before. 12 episodes with 45 to 60min each give us more to play with than a movie-trilogy (plus we can already take the time off that we spent on S1). I think it’s doable, but of course it means tightening arcs and dropping stuff.

However, I’ll be honest with you: With all that’s been going on, and having seen that they filmed right through until the end, I’d rather have them wrap up now. Because I honestly can’t see a S3 happening after all that’s already been cancelled and put on hold because of you-know-what (I’m thinking of Disney shelving The Graveyard Book and Amazon putting GO on hold and sitting on the Audible despite it being finished).

But also: These decisions have likely been made long before these considerations even became an issue: Renewal was on a knife’s edge, and choices were made back then we can only guess at. Scripts aren’t written over night, neither are sets changed around wildly on a whim (plus actors aren’t just tied to one project and can’t just willy-nilly change their schedules). And some sets for TKO were already confirmed and booked in May. So they were always going to do what we’ve seen in BTS shots. It’s not a sudden development.

In any case: If they aimed for more seasons than two, I think this prediction could still hold in general, we’ll just get it more fleshed out. In that case, I’d say 10 episodes of SoM and Brief Lives (5 each), and A Midsummer Night’s Dream and THCoL as standalones with the rest as side-plots woven in (that includes AGoY). Then S3 comprising TKO and The Wake with more space for standalone episodes and World’s End. Maybe even Overture as a special. I very much doubt they would go for more than three seasons in total though.

So these are my predictions, now I’d love to hear yours…

[clairedaring]

I’m enjoying spare me your mercy and love JJ and Tor but I wish the series was 12 eps instead of 8 eps so there’s more time for the plot and to develop their relationship haha. Their relationship development feels slightly rushed now

Hi nonnie 😭😭😭😭😭😭

sighs. loudly sighs again... i get you anon, really i do. i'm really just here constantly mourning about how condensed they've made this series out to be when the source material they're trying to adapt is so long. i think @waitmyturtles 's latest post about smym ep 4 sums up well what some non-novel reader audience will feel about kantew's relationship.

detailed discussions with novel spoilers under the cut, read at your own risk 😭

since it's probably no longer a spoiler since the series has adjusted to change the culprit, i can probably discuss spoilers from the first novel in this post for comparison sake.

so at the end of book 1, Dr. Somsak is revealed to be the murderer for most of the deaths presented but he also knows that Kan has been euthanising patients -> They get into a gun fight -> Dr. Somsak gets fatally shot but isn't dead and got sent to the hospital -> Kan kills Somsak (his first intentional murder) before he could testify in court but the case is closed because all the deaths were indeed caused by Somsak.

I think in this sense, Book 1 made more sense because this was all happening while Kan and Tew were in an established relationship, henceforth in the latter half of Book 1 when evidences were starting to point at Kan, it paid off well to see Tew so distressed and hurt because he didn't like being lied to and he couldn't believe his lover who's he been fucking is a serial murderer (even though he isn't).

The betrayal comes around again in Book 2 when Tew finds out he's been lied to AGAIN. And you could tell the angst hits harder is because we SEE them together as a couple, as boyfriends in a budding established relationship, not as people who have only been seeing each other for a few weeks.

I understand the need to adjust and cover the big plot points but yea I feel the same way anon... their source material was more than enough to be covered in 12-16 eps as opposed to 8 eps. or alternatively as @waitmyturtles suggested in her comment here, it would have been much better to present kantew as an established couple from the beginning and flashback to the past before starting to unravel their relationship.

sighs.... i think Tor and JJ are killing it with the material they're given though. Carrying this type of script is just hard though because sometimes chemistry and acting skills alone isn't enough for a convincing romance narrative.

loudest sighs... lord i wish we got more KanTew scenes before they killed Dr. Somsak off to move tbe story along like pleaseeeee. I was robbed.

I wish I could be mad at Lux but then again they've been able to really incorporate a lot of debates on Euthanasia which Book 1 severely lacked into these first four episodes (something @lurkingshan has also noted here) I can't be entirely mad because you can't say there aren't good adjustments...

But it just so happens that Spare Me Your Mercy has ended up more of a series about clashing opinions on Euthanasia than a crime investigation/romance/suspense series... but the actors have promoted it to be the former rather than the latter so I've really only got myself to blame for expecting more on the relationship development 😭😭😭😭😭

also my apologies nonnie for dumping all this on you... smym is shaping up to be my no. 1 series of the year (because of all the euthanasia debates) but not at all for the reason i expected it to be (for the romance between the cunty and charming doctor and the dorky righteous gullible cop)

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Justice for Barty Crouch Jr: Part 1/2

(Part 2)

This is a bit of a weird theory, and I'll confess, some of the evidence is not all that conclusive. But I didn't see anyone mention anything about this anywhere else...

When I reread the books recently, I noticed I really liked Mad-Eye Moody in Goblet of Fire. Moody in the fourth book is actually one of my favorite characters, he makes the top 10. But then I reached Order of the Phoenix and realized (again) that I hate Moody's guts.

The only conclusion I could draw was that I really liked Barty Crouch Jr. because, Moody in book 4, wasn't really Moody. So, I went back to Goblet of Fire to try and find out who Barty is, how his behavior as Moody, differed from the real deal in the later books, and why I liked him when I didn't like the real Moody.

And let's just say, I came to some interesting conclusions...

This post ended up being pretty long, so I've divided it up into two. But my thesis is:

Barty was a Death eater, but he didn't torture the Longbottoms.

He didn't want Harry to be hurt during the Tornoment and actually cared about him.

And I can prove it!

Reasons for Doubt

When reviewing all the scenes of Barty Jr, it was made clear pretty quickly that Barty wasn't really trying to fool anyone. Actually, he seemed to be actively sabotaging himself.

“Maybe someone’s hoping Potter is going to die for it,” said Moody, with the merest trace of a growl. An extremely tense silence followed these words. Ludo Bagman, who was looking very anxious indeed, bounced nervously up and down on his feet and said, “Moody, old man ... what a thing to say!” “We all know Professor Moody considers the morning wasted if he hasn’t discovered six plots to murder him before lunchtime,” said Karkaroff loudly. “Apparently he is now teaching his students to fear assassination too. An odd quality in a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Dumbledore, but no doubt you had your reasons.”

(Goblet of Fire, page 279)

From the very beginning, Barty is outright telling everyone what happened. And exactly how:

“Because they hoodwinked a very powerful magical object!” said Moody. “It would have needed an exceptionally strong Confundus Charm to bamboozle that goblet into forgetting that only three schools compete in the tournament. ... I’m guessing they submitted Potter’s name under a fourth school, to make sure he was the only one in his category. ...” “You seem to have given this a great deal of thought, Moody,” said Karkaroff coldly, “and a very ingenious theory it is — though of course, I heard you recently got it into your head that one of your birthday presents contained a cunningly disguised basilisk egg, and smashed it to pieces before realizing it was a carriage clock. So you’ll understand if we don’t take you entirely seriously. ...”

(Goblet of Fire, pages 279-280)

He goes as far as to explain how he got Harry into the tournament. To the point even Karkaroff thinks it's strange Moody would bother putting so much thought into it. And he's right, it is super strange.

Barty shouldn't be explaining that to the people he is supposedly trying to deceive. It's so incredibly revealing and counterproductive. And it's not that Barty is stupid, he shows he is both intelligent and competent to a degree it's clear that if he really wanted to not be discovered he wouldn't be (he transfigured his father's corpse to a bone and buried it in the forest when he didn't wish to be found out, clearly, he can get away with murder when he wants to). So why all of this? Why try so hard to tell them exactly what's going on? Why is he showing his hand?

It won't be out of character for Moody to not mention all of it. He could not go into as much detail easily. But, he chooses to go into detail about the very method he used to get Harry chosen for the tournament. Like he's trying to get himself caught.

“So . . . whoever conjured the Dark Mark . . .” said Hermione slowly, “were they doing it to show support for the Death Eaters, or to scare them away?” “Your guess is as good as ours, Hermione,” said Mr. Weasley. “But I’ll tell you this . . . it was only the Death Eaters who ever knew how to conjure it. I’d be very surprised if the person who did it hadn’t been a Death Eater once, even if they’re not now. . . .

(Goblet of Fire, page 143)

This is an earlier note from Hermione, and I agree with her 100%. The goal of Barty when casting the Dark Mark isn't clear. We know he is a marked Death Eater, but so are Regulus and Snape. We know not all Death Eaters agreed with everything they did, and some of them had regrets. And it's kind of interesting this idea that Barty cast the Dark Mark to scare the attackers off was planted this early in the book.

“What — what are you doing?” said Professor McGonagall, her eyes following the bouncing ferret’s progress through the air. “Teaching,” said Moody. “Teach — Moody, is that a student?” shrieked Professor McGonagall, the books spilling out of her arms. “Yep,” said Moody.

(Goblet of Fire, page 206)

I wanted to add this scene just because of the "yep" as his response to McGonagall, but this entire conversation, actually is noteworthy. Why? Well, the mannerism.

Moody whom we meet in book 5 and onwards doesn't speak or act like this. The mannerisms and speech patterns we see in this conversation are 100% Barty Crouch Jr. And this isn't the only scene in which his own mannerisms peek through because he isn't putting much effort into his act.

Here are some examples of how Moody talks in book 5, for comparison:

“Well, congratulations,” said Moody, still glaring at Ron with his normal eye, “authority figures always attract trouble, but I suppose Dumbledore thinks you can withstand most major jinxes or he wouldn’t have appointed you. . . .”

(Order of the Pheonix, page 169)

“Yeah, well,” said Moody, “there’s something funny about the Potter kid, we all know that.” “Dumbledore seemed worried about Harry when I spoke to him this morning,” whispered Mrs. Weasley. “ ’Course he’s worried,” growled Moody. “The boy’s seeing things from inside You-Know-Who’s snake. . . . Obviously, Potter doesn’t realize what that means, but if You-Know-Who’s possessing him —”

(Order of the Pheonix, page 491)

He's more gruff, more blunt, more paranoid. He isn't as gentle with Harry and Ron as Barty was (I'll showcase some of these moments later). And he shows full faith in Dumbledore's decisions. Something, Barty doesn't do even when pretending to be Moody.

Some Background

I want to talk about Barty's trial and Azkaban sentence for a bit, along with his relationship with his father as it explains a lot about him as a character...

and a boy in his late teens, who looked nothing short of petrified. He was shivering, his straw-colored hair all over his face, his freckled skin milk-white. The wispy little witch beside Crouch began to rock backward and forward in her seat, whimpering into her handkerchief. Crouch stood up. He looked down upon the four in front of him, and there was pure hatred in his face. “You have been brought here before the Council of Magical Law,” he said clearly, “so that we may pass judgment on you, for a crime so heinous —” “Father,” said the boy with the straw-colored hair. “Father . . . please . . .” “— that we have rarely heard the like of it within this court,” said Crouch, speaking more loudly, drowning out his son’s voice. “We have heard the evidence against you. The four of you stand accused of capturing an Auror — Frank Longbottom — and subjecting him to the Cruciatus Curse, believing him to have knowledge of the present whereabouts of your exiled master, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named —” “Father, I didn’t!” shrieked the boy in chains below. “I didn’t, I swear it, Father, don’t send me back to the dementors —”

(Goblet of Fire, page 594)

Does this look like a hardened Death Eater who was happy to torture the Longbottoms and proud to serve his lord?

No, this is a terrified nineteen-year-old kid who was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people.

Barty continues and calls:

“Mother!” screamed the boy below, and the wispy little witch beside Crouch began to sob, rocking backward and forward. “Mother, stop him, Mother, I didn’t do it, it wasn’t me!”

...

“No! Mother, no! I didn’t do it, I didn’t do it, I didn’t know! Don’t send me there, don’t let him!”

(Goblet of Fire, page 595)

Barty calls this as Bellatrix and the Lestranges are completely calm, taking credit for torturing the Longbottoms. Shouting at Crouch Sr, that Voldemort would return. Barty isn't doing that, he isn't the fanatic Death Eaters, he's a scared boy:

But the boy was trying to fight off the dementors, even though Harry could see their cold, draining power starting to affect him. The crowd was jeering, some of them on their feet, as the woman swept out of the dungeon, and the boy continued to struggle. “I’m your son!” he screamed up at Crouch. “I’m your son!” “You are no son of mine!” bellowed Mr. Crouch, his eyes bulging suddenly. “I have no son!” The wispy witch beside him gave a great gasp and slumped in her seat. She had fainted. Crouch appeared not to have noticed. “Take them away!” Crouch roared at the dementors, spit flying from his mouth. “Take them away, and may they rot there!” “Father! Father, I wasn’t involved! No! No! Father, please!”

(Goblet of Fire, page 596)

Barty keeps swearing he wasn't involved and that he didn't do it. that it wasn't him. Compared to how calm the three Lestranges are — it's clear something's up.

I think Barty is telling the truth here. I think he really didn't torture the Longbottoms.

Barty was still acting as a scared boy, just like in his trial, even in front of only dementors and Death Eaters, when there was no need to act. He is described by Sirius when he arrived in Azkaban:

I saw the dementors bringing him in, watched them through the bars in my cell door. He can’t have been more than nineteen. They took him into a cell near mine. He was screaming for his mother by nightfall. He went quiet after a few days, though . . . they all went quiet in the end . . . except when they shrieked in their sleep. . . .

(Goblet of Fire, page 528)

Barty was young and scared and kept to the same behavior even with no audience to convince — which means it wasn't a lie. It wasn't an act. He really didn't do it.

Sirius talks a little bit about Braty's childhood, his relationship with Crouch Sr and the events leading up to his trial:

“Crouch’s own son was caught with a group of Death Eaters who’d managed to talk their way out of Azkaban. Apparently they were trying to find Voldemort and return him to power.”

...

“Nasty little shock for old Barty, I’d imagine. Should have spent a bit more time at home with his family, shouldn’t he? Ought to have left the office early once in a while . . . gotten to know his own son.” He began to wolf down large pieces of bread. “Was his son a Death Eater?” said Harry. “No idea,” said Sirius, still stuffing down bread. “I was in Azkaban myself when he was brought in. This is mostly stuff I’ve found out since I got out. The boy was definitely caught in the company of people I’d bet my life were Death Eaters — but he might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, just like the house-elf.”

...

“...Crouch’s fatherly affection stretched just far enough to give his son a trial, and by all accounts, it wasn’t much more than an excuse for Crouch to show how much he hated the boy . . . then he sent him straight to Azkaban.”

(Goblet of Fire, page 528)

Barty, at the time of his trial and sentence, wasn't even for sure a Death Eater. He wasn't actually caught doing anything, he was caught with Death Eaters who escaped an Azkaban sentence, which means Death Eaters other than the Lestranges. This means he wasn't even caught on the scene of the Longbottoms torture, but somewhere else and unrelated. It proves even more that Barty was innocent regarding the torture of Frank and Alice.

We know he was a Death Eater because he could cast the Dark Mark. But, I think he wasn't involved in torturing the Longbottoms or anyone, for that matter. I don't think he had it in him before Azkaban and years of torment by his father.

The other thing of note is Crouch's treatment of his son. He was an absent father, caring more for his ministry position than his family. And we see later in GoF that Barty despises his father. I think he disliked him even before being kept under the imperious curse for years. I think that's what pushed Barty to become a Death Eater, it was something to spite his father. To create a distance between them.

His murder of his father during GoF is probably the only murder he wanted a part of. Actually, his father is the only person we know he killed. He didn't get the chance to kill the real Moody, and he never killed anyone else.

Once the boy [Barty Jr] had died, people started feeling a bit more sympathetic toward the son and started asking how a nice young lad from a good family had gone so badly astray. The conclusion was that his father never cared much for him

(Goblet of Fire, page 529)

More from Sirius that strengthens my former point. Barty joined the Death Eaters, in large to go against his father.

This vendetta against his father is the main reason I believe Barty chooses this plan to aid Voldemort. Well, there are some other reasons, but using the tournament is a good way for him to mess with his father's reputation. That same reputation that was more important to him than his own son.

As a Teacher and Mentor

A lot of fans like to say Remus Lupin was the best DADA teacher Harry had, I'd actually argue it was Moody (aka Barty). I'm saying that because Barty-as-Moody was the one who taught Harry many of the techniques and approaches he keeps going back to in the books.

The constant vigilance that saves him multiple times is from Barty, not the real Moody.

His resistance to the imperious curse.

When Harry quotes Moody in his head under certain situations for the advice he was given, it's not advice from the real Moody but from Barty:

He raised the cup to his lips and then, just as suddenly, lowered it. One of the horrible painted kittens behind Umbridge had great round blue eyes just like Mad-Eye Moody’s magical one, and it had just occurred to Harry what Mad-Eye would say if he ever heard that Harry had drunk anything offered by a known enemy

(Order of the Phoenix, page 630)

This above quote is based on Barty's advice in GoF, not the real Moody.

Barty made Harry think of becoming an auror. He was the one who convinced him he could become one:

“You ever thought of a career as an Auror, Potter?” “No,” said Harry, taken aback. “You want to consider it,” said Moody, nodding and looking at Harry thoughtfully. “Yes, indeed . . . and incidentally . . . I’m guessing you weren’t just taking that egg for a walk tonight?” “Er — no,” said Harry, grinning. “I’ve been working out the clue.” Moody winked at him, his magical eye going haywire again. “Nothing like a nighttime stroll to give you ideas, Potter. . . . See you in the morning. . . .”

(Goblet of Fire, pages 477-478)

Barty did more for Harry's self-esteem than any other teacher.

“Now, that’s more like it!” growled Moody’s voice, and suddenly, Harry felt the empty, echoing feeling in his head disappear. He remembered exactly what was happening, and the pain in his knees seemed to double. “Look at that, you lot ... Potter fought! He fought it, and he damn near beat it! We’ll try that again, Potter, and the rest of you, pay attention — watch his eyes, that’s where you see it — very good, Potter, very good indeed! They’ll have trouble controlling you!”

(Goblet of Fire, page 232)

In the above scene, Barty is delighted by Harry's resistance of the imperious. He is so proud and fond. I already mentioned and will continue showing how Barty did very little acting when he pretended to be Moody, as such, I don't think he's pretending here either. I think he actually is delighted.

And, I mean, think about it, why would a servant loyal to Voldemort teach Harry Potter how to resist the imperius? Why would he keep practicing with him throughout the year to make sure he was good at it? Why make sure Harry knows people would want to control him and he should make it hard for them?

The only conclusion I can come to is that he is trying to help Harry from a limited position. Why and How will be discussed later.

Neville was standing alone, halfway up the passage, staring at the stone wall opposite him with the same horrified, wide-eyed look he had worn when Moody had demonstrated the Cruciatus Curse. “Neville?” Hermione said gently. “Neville, what — ?” But an odd clunking noise sounded behind them, and they turned to see Professor Moody limping toward them. All four of them fell silent, watching him apprehensively, but when he spoke, it was in a much lower and gentler growl than they had yet heard. “It’s all right, sonny,” he said to Neville. “Why don’t you come up to my office? Come on . . . we can have a cup of tea. ...” Neville looked even more frightened at the prospect of tea with Moody. He neither moved nor spoke. Moody turned his magical eye upon Harry. “You all right, are you, Potter?” “Yes,” said Harry, almost defiantly. Moody’s blue eye quivered slightly in its socket as it surveyed Harry. Then he said, “You’ve got to know. It seems harsh, maybe, but you’ve got to know. No point pretending ... well ... come on, Longbottom, I’ve got some books that might interest you.”

(Goblet of Fire, page 219)

And he wasn't only the best DADA teacher for Harry, he was the best teacher for Neville too. He actually helped the son of the Longbottoms he was sent to Azkaban for torturing.

Just, he is the only adult attempting to build up Neville's confidence in himself and his abilities. He encourages Neville's love of Herbology and doesn't ridicule him like most other adults in Neville's life.

Also in the above quote, he clearly wants to tell Harry more. "but you’ve got to know", he says. He is trying to prepare Harry for what's to come. Why would he do that if he wants him dead?

As a Defender of Harry

To continue off Barty actually steps up to defend Harry a lot throughout the book. Even at times, he won't necessarily have to. I mean, the real Moody was never this protective of Harry. Sure, he kept him safe, but he didn't really care for Harry's feelings and self-esteem. Barty did.

“Yeah, that’s Harry Potter,” said a growling voice from behind them. Professor Karkaroff spun around. Mad-Eye Moody was standing there, leaning heavily on his staff, his magical eye glaring unblinkingly at the Durmstrang headmaster. The color drained from Karkaroff’s face as Harry watched. A terrible look of mingled fury and fear came over him

(Goblet of Fire, page 258)

He's scaring Karkaroff and the Durmstrang students away from Harry. The moment before this quote had the Durmstrang students and Karkaroff noticing Harry for the first time as they were leaving the Great Hall on the day they arrived at Hogwarts. They all freeze and stare at Harry, knowing his story and probably about to ask him questions, it's not like Karkaroff would've done anything in the Great Hall. But Moody (Barty) steps in to fend off Harry's discomfort! Hes not even in actual physical danger! Just discomfort!

Harry hesitated. He’d been afraid of this — but he hadn’t told Cedric, and he certainly wasn’t going to tell Moody, that Hagrid had broken the rules. “It’s all right,” said Moody, sitting down and stretching out his wooden leg with a groan. “Cheating’s a traditional part of the Tri-wizard Tournament and always has been.” “I didn’t cheat,” said Harry sharply. “It was — a sort of accident that I found out.” Moody grinned. “I wasn’t accusing you, laddie. I’ve been telling Dumbledore from the start, he can be as high-minded as he likes, but you can bet old Karkaroff and Maxime won’t be. They’ll have told their champions everything they can. They want to win. They want to beat Dumbledore. They’d like to prove he’s only human.”

(Goblet of Fire, pages 343-344)

Moody is glad Harry knows about the dragons, and that could be explained by wanting him to win so he could get to the graveyard (that plan had so many problems in it that I'll get to later) but that isn't the only thing he reveals here. He calls out Dumbledore and his attitude. He shows his dislike towards Dumbledore and his moral flexibility regarding cheating - two things the real Moody will never say. And he would definitely not phrase them like this. This whole conversation — that's all Barty.

Barty, who is actually encouraging Harry and belittling Dumbledore.

That sentence about proving Dumbledore's human, I think Barty shares that feeling. He agrees with the other headmasters on that. Even if he hates Karkaroff's guts.

Because he actually does hate all the Death Eaters that got away genuinely, but not for the same reasons as, let's say, Bellatrix. Bellatrix dislikes them for their lack of loyalty to their lord; Barty hates them out of envy.

Barty was sent to Azkaban for his mark even if he never tortured or killed anyone. And these other Death Eaters, ones he might know killed or tortured, got out scott-free. He was fought alongside them and still sent to the dementors instead of being let go. And he is bitter.

Also, important to remember, that a year in Azkaban and then twelve years under the Imperius curse didn't leave him unscathed. He is not mentally or emotionally well or anything close to it when we meet him in the books.

“Well, I’m not going to tell you,” said Moody gruffly. “I don’t show favoritism, me. I’m just going to give you some good, general advice. And the first bit is — play to your strengths.” “I haven’t got any,” said Harry, before he could stop himself. “Excuse me,” growled Moody, “you’ve got strengths if I say you’ve got them. Think now. What are you best at?”

(Goblet of Fire, page 344)

I love this scene. Like, this is the first ever time an adult with authority, a teacher, tells Harry how great he is. I talked about the fact Harry is clever and magically powerful but has really low self-esteem. And Barty actually argues with him. Bart (as Moody) makes him believe he could become something. That he has things he is good at.

One of this book's antagonists is the first person to tell Harry he has strengths. That's just all levels of messed up.

It shows Barty Crouch Jr actually does more for Harry's emotional well-being than any other professor he had. More than McGonagall, more than Lupin. Actually, the only adult who tries to help Harry with more care than Barty, is Sirius Black, Harry's godfather. It's just insane that Barty, a Death Eater, actually understood Harry and went out of his way to help with his insecurities and make him comfortable more than Molly Weasley did.

Now, let's talk about the Farret Incident because it's interesting too. both regarding his defense of Harry and his hatred of the Death Eaters that got away.

“I don’t think so!” roared Moody, pointing his wand at the ferret again — it flew ten feet into the air, fell with a smack to the floor, and then bounced upward once more. “I don’t like people who attack when their opponent’s back’s turned,” growled Moody as the ferret bounced higher and higher, squealing in pain. “Stinking, cowardly, scummy thing to do. ...”

(Goblet of Fire, page 205)

Barty steps in to defend Harry because he does it a lot. It's why I placed this moment in this section. One would expect someone who wants Harry to die to not mind if he was cursed a bit, it's not like Draco was about to kill him, but no, he defends him even when no one sees him there.

But specifically in this incident, I want to mention how personal he gets about this. Barty's disdain towards the Death Eaters that escaped Azkaban is very real and very dangerous to Draco. He's furious they didn't need to spend a year in hell on earth only to then be enslaved by a curse for 12 years by their father who kept them like a dirty secret in the basement.

As I mentioned above, I don't think Barty is mentally sound, but I think he genuinely cares about Harry and didn't torture the Longbottoms.

In the next post, I go through the final scene of Barty in the book, and explain the whole plan Barty had.

Part 2 >>

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @adhduck

Please give it up for the nicest and one of the most creative writers in this fandom: Duck! I'm just such a fan because not only does Duck manage to write the softest, gentlest, loveliest Ed and Stede (both together and apart), their fics somehow perpetually keep me looking like 🥹 all the time ough. And they were very very nice about sharing their writing process with me:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

Mostly it’s the Taika “look at a document for 8 hours and then close the document,” honestly. I’m a very slow writer and lose motivation very easily, so I mostly get by on the muse’s fire hydrant and forcing myself to write those fifty words even when every single one feels so bad.

I go moooostly beginning to end because even though I’m generally an outliner, I always end up with little details that will affect later scenes and I don’t wanna lose continuity or have to rewrite a bunch. However, I do definitely let myself do a [finish this scene later] and move on to the next scene because otherwise I will get really fucking stuck, and sometimes I’ll write a line or a paragraph I thought of that sounds really good and tuck it away for a later scene.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing?

Ooooooooh, I don’t know if this is a trope but there’s just nothing I love more than huge feelings contained in mundane stories, of feelings so big you can’t actually express them and so they’re this constant hum throughout the story. I also love writing about touch for both of them, how Ed gives casual touch to hide the deep well of desire for intimate touch, how Stede is so unused to touch and craves it so deeply. (Can you tell I just really like subtle yet overwhelming emotions? Maybe it’s the aroace in me idk but that shit hits HARD.) Oh, and I love a fuckin’ allegory or object to discuss all those big feelings, whether it’s monsters or gardening or peaches or what the fuck ever (I have used all of these lol).

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

I think Ed’s voice comes to me faster because the way I personally speak is closer to Ed’s voice, but it also means I’m sometimes double-checking myself to make sure I’m still deep in his voice, not my-voice-but-Ed. Stede isn’t necessarily harder for me, I’m just doing all that double-checking to make sure I’m not slipping into Ed voice or, god forbid, Aziraphale-lite voice. So, idk! I love writing them both, the little details of each of their inner dialogues are SO important to me (Ed’s tangents and his pshh-I-don’t-care moments, Stede actively avoiding thinking about things he doesn’t want to face, etc etc etc).

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

For the longest time it was There is Love That Doesn’t Have a Place to Rest, mostly because it was posted the day before another fic and, while I find them to be siblings and equal quality,  the other one got way more attention. That fic is about the time between signing the Act of Grace and getting to the academy and I think I really nailed where the two of them are at.

However! (And I know this is cheating okay shh.) Nowadays the one that I wish people read the most is Not Only the Sugar, But the Days. It’s the sequel to my “offscreen 30 year slowburn friends to lovers finally get together” fic and I put my whole fucking heart into it, honestly. The two boys basically go on a bunch of dates to live out the teenage experiences they never got together and work through the biggest feelings and I just! Really want people to see it! (It also can be read as a standalone, which I didn’t advertise super well lol.)

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

Unfortunately it’s probably “just” or “a little” or filler words like that. Also obviously if the word fuck counts then, yeah, that. Maybe warm? Or something about yearning??? If I have a classic word please tell me I’m fascinated by this idea.

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

The person who beta’s for basically all my fics is Owen @trans-top-stede and they are sooooo fucking helpful and incredible. So good at catching all the little things I miss, making sex scenes make sense, reminding me positioning in general is a thing, cheerleading me on, etc etc etc. My fics are so much better for their help.

Why OFMD 🥹

Ed and Stede just fit so fucking well into all sorts of AU’s (they try to invent their own AU’s in canon, even) while also having so much fun space to explore within canon. Their range is also perfect perfect perfect for writing fics—they can be in the wells of misery and fluffy as fuck and obnoxiously cheesy and realistic all in the same fic, if you want, and it’s completely accurate to their canon selves. It’s also helped me to embrace being silly and cheesy and earnest because life is about being yourself and finding your people and feeling deeper, feeling bigger, feeling more authentically without fear of being too much. Fuck I just really love these boys. (Also they’re so pretty and the whole crew’s so pretty we WON.)

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[saltpepperbeard]

Are you still feeling hopeful? I’m trying really hard not to feel demoralized these last few days…

Hi, darling anon! I totally understand where you’re coming from. We’ve been at it for weeks (almost THREE) and things have seemingly slowed down, there’s drama both in-fandom and out, and there’s just sort of an ever-creeping feeling of disheartenment. And on top of everything, it’s JANUARY (DEROGATORY).

But you know what? Despite all of that, despite it all, I am still clinging onto hope. Call me stubborn or whatever else lol, but yes, I’m still hopeful. I think I will be until I see Djenks wave some sort of white flag, or until a lot of time passes with no forward momentum. And even with the latter, I’ll probably still have the stubborn wish to get something like a movie or whatever else in the future.

Now, I’m clinging onto hope for a few reasons. One, and this is the most important one, we really don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes right now. I think that mentality can also swing into negative territory, but I’m using it to propel me into hopeful territory. We don’t know what all is being discussed, we don’t know if anyone’s interested, and we don’t know who all is fighting and how hard.

Again, could be twisted into a “nothing is happening” type view, but when I look at David? At Taika? And how much the show means to them? How passionately they’ve spoken out about it? And how gracious David and the rest of the cast/crew has been? Idk about you, but I’d like to think they’re trying to push for a continuation as hard as they can. *Stede voice* I don’t think…any of us have let go, actually.

Not to mention that the cast and crew have not stopped posting/interacting with renewal campaign efforts. David hasn’t told us anything that would allude to failed deals, and Ruibo still posts #SaveOFMD type things. It just feels like they’re still riding alongside of us.

Secondly, and sort of along those lines, I’m holding on to the knowledge that every renewal is different. There have been some giant campaigns with zero results, but there have also been smaller campaigns with success. There have been campaigns that have only landed a few more episodes, whereas there have been others that landed more seasons, a movie, etc etc.

Each case is unique, and really has to do with what’s going on behind the scenes. Why the show was cancelled in the first place, if the platform is willing to shop it out, if other platforms find it desirable/profitable, etc etc.

And I think along those lines also, there comes a mentality that makes people even more disheartened and sad. I think there’s this thought that if we’ve slowed down, if we’re not pushing enough, we won’t get renewed. And I don’t really think that’s the case; I don’t think renewal rests squarely on our shoulders like that. Because, again, I think a lot of it really has to do with money, and with negotiations between studios. I think we’re very good for visibility and noise, and subsequently, I think any sort of effort is great effort! I think any work that has been conducted is good work.

It’s also important to think about how we’re sort of in a transition stage of the campaign right now, too. Things are significantly different than they were just a week ago. There are campaign leadership changes going on, the focus is different, and new plans of attack are being ironed out.

So, we all just need to give ourselves some grace. We’ve done so much, and things have moved so fast, and the cast and crew have felt so loved. We’ve made it into publications, made it onto physical ads, and gotten the attention of outside entities (shoutout to Astroglide WJDJW). We’ve also all come together, which is VERY wonderful considering how divided things felt towards the end of October. We’re doing wonderful all things considered, and so for that reason among a few others, I’m still hopeful.

Also, there’s this post by @pehmokoira that goes into even MORE detail of why we shouldn’t throw in the towel/lose hope.

SO. TLDR, there is a lot weighing down on “the atmosphere of this ship,” but I still encourage you to keep those fingers crossed. Help maintain the momentum however works best for you. Take a break, take a step back, and take care. But keep that stubborn little fire burning if you can 💜🏴‍☠️

[misc-obeyme]

Hey i believe I have what you call a suggestion to write; MC who doesn’t tell anyone their birthday because they view their birthday as a bad omen because things always go wrong and ruin it.

If you don’t feel like writing for everyone with this scenario and how they find out I’d appreciate it if you could do Lucifer, Dia, and Simeon.

Again I’m not very sure if this is what you mean by suggestion for writing if it isn’t feel free to ignore this.

Hello there!

Okay, so I tried to briefly explain the "suggestion" thing in my rules, buuuut I don't think I did a very good job lol.

The idea was that I would be able to write little short things in between longer requests and the like. I was thinking along the lines of the sort of short scenes I did for the 500 followers prompt event. They're about 500 words and feature a single character. Because I can do those somewhat quickly, so I was thinking if people were okay with little short scenes like this instead of full headcanon posts, they could send me a suggestion while my regular requests were closed. I would be okay with doing two characters as well, but they would both be in the same scene as opposed to writing separate ones for them.

So I did an example with your suggestion! I wrote a little scene about Lucifer discovering MC's feelings about their birthday. This was the kind of thing I was going for with the suggestions. If you'd like little scenes for multiple characters or something more like headcanons, please feel free to send the idea again when my requests are open!

Thank you for the suggestion!

GN!MC x Lucifer

Warnings: none!

Lucifer was sitting at his desk, organizing his papers. There were so many piles and he had really let them get out of control. He was attempting to put things in some kind of chronological order and was amazed at how far back some of these things went.

That was when he stumbled upon the form that was all about you. The one that had caused him to choose you for the exchange program. It had all your details on it. Lucifer lingered over the page, remembering how it felt to read about you for the first time, surprised at how different he felt reading the same things now.

And then Lucifer saw your birthday and immediately put down the paper. Your birthday was in only a handful of days and you hadn't said a single thing about it.

As though summoned, you arrived in his doorway. It was late in the evening and you looked like you were about to go to bed. But first you had brought him some coffee. You walked quietly into the room, setting it on his desk and smiling at him before sitting down across from him.

"I thought you might want some coffee," you said.

Lucifer returned your smile, taking the mug and sipping at the hot liquid. The bitterness hit him and he chuckled. "Hell coffee?"

You blushed and looked away. "Maybe."

Lucifer shook his head fondly for a moment before becoming serious again. He picked up the paper he'd been holding before so you could see it.

"Why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming up?" he asked directly.

Lucifer watched as you paled and seeing it made his gut twist unhappily.

You shrugged and looked away from him. "It's just… it always goes wrong. It always gets ruined. So I kinda see it as a bad omen now. Not something to celebrate."

Lucifer frowned, tapping a finger on the side of his mug. "I understand if you don't wish to celebrate. However, I would still like to request that you give us a chance."

You looked over at him again, surprised and a little confused. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know how things are in the human world or what has caused you to feel this way," Lucifer said. "But I know my brothers would wish to celebrate with you."

You shifted in your seat uncertainly, clearly unwilling to say yes, but also reluctant to say no.

Lucifer put down his mug and met your eyes across the desk. "I would personally ensure that your birthday goes smoothly. Would you truly deny me the pleasure of seeing your smiling face?"

You blushed again. Lucifer knew his gaze was intense, but he needed you to fully understand just how much you meant to him. Your birthday should make you feel loved and wanted, not scared and uncertain. And he was prepared to be the one who made sure your feelings on it changed.

Lucifer was pleased when he saw your expression become resigned. You smiled and shook your head a little. "Well… I can't really say no to you."

Lucifer sat back, smiling with satisfaction.

True to his word, Lucifer spent the next several days planning for your birthday. He subtly figured out exactly what would make you happiest and when the day itself came, put all of that information into action. It turned out to be the best day you'd had in some time. And at the end of it, you spent a fair amount of extra time in Lucifer's arms.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[facewithoutheart]

Ten Questions for Writers

Thanks for the tags @shrekgogurt, @artsyunderstudy, @youarenevertooold, & @roomwithanopenfire I’m enjoying all this navel-gazing a whole bunch actually & I’ve done this before but it’s been awhile… sooo

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 169 (niiiice)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? ~950k (yikes) although some of that is Birthday Man and collabs with people from WIP fest. Don’t ask me to do the math tho; that’s mean.

3. What fandoms do you write for? I’ve written for HP, Check Please, and RWRB although right now I’m mostly a CO writer with a toe dipping into 9-1-1. I have one Captain America fic posted and some WIPs I don’t know if I’ll finish. Nobody look at that AFTG fic; it’s pure crack.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Whoo boy do I have thoughts here. I want to be the kind of writer who replies to comments and I harbor so much guilt that I’m not; I know I miss out on opportunities to connect with readers, and I genuinely appreciate comments so much; I hoard them in my inbox like a greedy lil affirmation dragon. I write to engage and connect. So, like, I know I should but at the same time I hate forcing interactions. I like them to spawn organically. I keep my circle small because I get really emotionally overwhelmed and then I feel guilty when I can’t give people what they deserve. And I’ve also never been comfortable with compliments or gratitude, I don’t trust them. So here’s a bulk of emotional trauma no one asked for to say: I don’t reply to comments as often as I feel I should and I’m trying to release the guilt I feel about this while also recognizing that not commenting probably has a direct negative affect on my ability to meet my goal of connecting through writing and at the same time my mental health probably couldn’t withstand the pressure I would need to place on it to get to where I’m replying to comments regularly. Hi I’m a mess who’s trying to love herself and often falls short of that goal; aren’t we all?

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No.

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before? So many actually! I didn’t think I’d ever get to a place where I trust someone else to the level this would take but I’ve been really lucky to work with some amazing writers even if not all of those works went anywhere. I actually don’t even think I could realistically tag all the people I’ve collabed with bc I’m afraid I’ll miss someone and isn’t that amazing? Personal growth; we love to see her.

7. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Oh man. I want to just be lame and say it’s me and Mr. Face 🤣 I shipped us when no one else did. Um! Snowbaz is always going to have a special place in my heart, but I’m really leaning into Buddie right now because of age and wanting to explore people in their 30’s still figuring out their lives while battling PTSD and late-in-life sexuality realizations. For, um. Reasons.

8. What are your writing strengths? I do like my dialogue a lot; dialogue is often where I start my scenes and I develop from there. I think I’ve done a good job of honing my ability to vary action/dialogue/internality a lot. I also think I keep people engaged or maybe I just keep myself engaged which is good enough for me. Sometimes I’m funny although sadly not as much recently.

9. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with remembering to add in physical descriptors. (Like oh shit have I ever mentioned this character has eyes?) Logistics are a frequent source of pain. (Wait, where were their hands?) I think my plots are kind of basic and boring; I don’t come up with really vivid and detailed concepts. I use the wrong words for things. I really hate detailing out backstory. I have to reread my fics a million times to maintain character consistency. Etc.

10. First fandom you wrote for? Hey Arnold. I wish I could find those fics; I bet they suck.

Tagging 10 peeps @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @martsonmars @bookish-bogwitch @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @thewholelemon @palimpsessed @aristocratic-otter & @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[radical-sky]

Shelter, part 1

don't you ever leave me alone, my war is over, be my shelter from the storm

One year post-Fallout, Ilsa joins the IMF, partnering with Ethan and his team. After their first mission goes catastrophically wrong, Ethan sacrifices himself in a desperate bid to save Ilsa's life. Believing he failed and she's dead, Ethan suffers the consequences of the unsuccessful mission. Five months later, the team - and Ilsa, get him out.

pairing: Ilsa/Ethan

wordcount: 4.1k

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, violence, graphic depictions/descriptions of torture and the aftermath, pregnancy, very minor mention of a suicide attempt.

AO3 (user restricted) here

ENDLESS thank you to the truly amazing @agentfaust for the most thorough, in depth, and detailed beta anyone has ever given me. You are phenomenal babe!!

Ilsa can’t remember the last time she was tempted to fidget, all nervous ticks trained out of her before she was even with MI6. The old habits have never been as tempting as they are now, standing in a cold and damp third-world prison waiting for Ethan to be brought out to her.

Well, not just her. The White Widow stands next to her, her brother not far away. He scowls at Ilsa, not happy to be here and not happy to risk his and his sister’s lives on a job for her. It’s nothing sanctioned (if any members of your team are caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions) but the moment Benji had finally, finally found Ethan the team had gotten things moving as quickly as possible. Luther and Benji worked their computers nearly 24 hours a day, and Ilsa called favors and made connections in country wherever she could. Even Brandt was helping, pulling strings and doing as much as he could legally behind the scenes while staying their inside man at the IMF.  

Luther or Benji (it doesn’t matter now because they both had been trying their damnedest to get it done) had hacked into the security system in the prison; cameras in every cell, interrogation room, the hallways. Not that any of them needed to see what they were doing to Ethan (in the two weeks since she first saw him on the grainy camera feed it’s all she sees when she closes her eyes, doesn’t need audio to hear his screams and the sounds they rip from his throat, or backdated footage to catalog what tool made each scar or bleeding wound on his body. Those pictures will be seared in her brain for all eternity. She wants and yearns and rages at the sacrifice he made for her, for them, and falls asleep with a screen playing live footage from his cell in her lap, showing him pressed back into the corner of the tiny cage, curled up protectively, shivering or trembling she can’t tell. Wishing she could tell him somehow I’m coming. I will get you out. I haven’t forgotten about you. you’re not disavowed to me. I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry Ethan). 

They don’t have to watch the footage for long to decide that any escape that depends on Ethan getting himself out won’t happen. Without government backing and even with Brandt’s help they don’t have the resources or the manpower to storm the prison and break him out. That left one option, and it wasn’t one that any of them liked. The White Widow hadn’t been the least bit interested in taking a call from Ilsa until she’d said John Lark needs your help. 

The team had debated on how to refer to Ethan, desperately wanting to keep his identity as an American agent secret. They knew he hadn’t revealed it, the terrorists would have auctioned him off or killed him if he had. The White Widow knew him as John Lark, and that was all it took. From there Alanna was easily bargained into breaking him out. To Ilsa’s trained eye she could tell Ethan intrigued the other woman. It wasn’t a jealous realization, wasn’t even a shock. It’s Ethan - people are drawn to him, he’s magnetic without even trying or meaning to be. Without even being in the room he can convince people to take jobs that are completely against what they usually do. Ilsa can speak to it herself, she knew she was burning a bridge when she saved him the first time, but despite her past, she couldn’t watch Vinter kill him in the most painful way possible. She’s never been in a relationship like the one with Ethan, drawn in and ready to sacrifice the mission for someone else. Ilsa had been ready to be out of the game for a long time, before Kashmir had believed that it would never - could never - happen. Ethan changed that. Changed her reasons for wanting out. She didn’t plan on falling in love when she tossed him the key in London.

Breaking him out had been the original plan, but when Zola studied the camera footage, guard patterns, and security he decided it would cost too many men. A second plan was formed, and the White Widow had brokered a trade as diplomatically as she always had; the prisoner who was arrested after a motorcycle accident on terrorism charges 5 months ago traded for cash and enough weapons for a small personal army. Ilsa knows she should be as worried about what the weapons will be used for as the rest of the team, but even though she is part of them now, she operated differently for so long that she’s almost forgotten what it’s like to have those concerns. It’s Ethan, surely any price is worth his freedom? (Deep down Ilsa knows Ethan would disagree, loudly, with his dying breath, that his own life is not worth a single innocent life.) Benji and Luther had come up with a secondary mission, running alongside the retrieval to guarantee there would be no innocent lives lost because of the weapons traded for him. It took another week for Alanna to acquire the weapons, leaving ample time for the team to gather the cash for Ethan and the separate cash for Alanna, one-half of the price for her involvement in the exchange. Alanna, just like the terrorists, had also required a two part payment, unable to pass up an opportunity when it presented itself to her. Ilsa doesn’t worry about the other half of Alanna’s fee, it's a problem for later. After Ethan is back and healed and whole again. She hopes he won’t be too furious with her for agreeing to it on his behalf. 

So, now here she is. Not fidgeting. Not twisting her ankle or flexing her calf muscles and imaging she can feel the rods and pins holding her leg together, or the scar where her tibia bone punched through the skin of her calf, not twisting her arm and feeling knitted scars where the bones ground together excruciatingly. 

And above all else she’s not resting her hand on the barely there bump on her stomach, the bump invisible and hidden beneath a loose blouse and trench coat. Invisible to everyone who doesn’t know her and Ethan’s secret. 

———

The first mission wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

It was supposed to be easy and wonderful and the start of the greatest partnership of his life. 

So of course, like everything else in his life, it went to shit in 5 minutes. 

He and Ilsa had never exactly named The Thing between them, except that it was theirs. He didn’t tell Benji and Luther (although greatly suspected Luther knew and Benji was suspicious), and Ilsa being a free agent didn’t have anyone to tell. They were each other's greatest secret, greatest weakness, greatest compromise. Because they did compromise each other. There was no question after they’d saved each other so many times, sacrificing the mission for them. The Thing started simply. After handing Lane off to MI6 they spent a week in London exploring each other's bodies carefully around broken ribs and bruised necks (and how he had enjoyed adding his marks to her neck and having her hands on his chest) telling stories and sharing the private, secret parts of themselves no one else knew - then a night Cape Town, a weekend in Moscow, six hours in Brussels, two days in Paris, traveling 8 hours to spend half that time in her hotel room in Athens. Whenever they could and their schedules overlapped enough, or if they even happened to be in the same time zone, they were together. 

After Julia, he didn’t think he’d ever feel this way about another woman. 

Any chance he could he’d pull her into his missions. Anything to have her by his side. Ilsa was always available and never said no. She was traveling a lot, but he didn’t think she was taking any other jobs as a free agent, waiting for him to call her and almost always close by. Ethan had wondered many times if she declined jobs and traveled to follow him, just close enough it was convenient. When Brandt told him Sloane had given him the approval to extend the offer of a permanent position with the IMF - with Ethan’s team - to Ilsa he was perhaps the happiest he’d ever been. The two of them together - partners - properly, permanently. 

He never thought he’d be considering marriage again either.

So it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise when it fell apart. The plan failed. His backup scenarios ran out. There were no more moves, no more chess pieces. So when he wrecked and went down, Ilsa dead in his earpiece, Benji too late to save her, a part of him, all hope, died with her. When he saw his pursuers approaching he was relieved, he’d never been so ready or willing to meet death than in that moment. To go where Ilsa would be waiting for him. He was already halfway there, a piece of rebar in his chest, internal injuries too numerous to catalog, his leg didn’t feel right, arm wouldn’t lift. Ethan closed his eyes, ready for the bullet that would end his life. 

He certainly hadn’t expected them to take him alive, put him in the hospital, and get him just healthy enough that he’d survive the torture, and survive he did, but not as Ethan Hunt. As something else, a shell of a human. All hope lost. No prayer of rescue. He knew he was disavowed and no help would be coming. He tried to escape, more than once. Each time failed and each time it got worse. So he kept his mouth shut and took what they gave him. Didn’t utter a word except for the screams and shouts when it became too much. He’d already failed everything and everyone else. He couldn’t fail here. Couldn’t stand to betray his country on top of it all. 

When his captors told him he was being traded for goods more valuable than him, he knew he had to end it or escape. He couldn’t do this indefinitely. Eventually, he’d break and the shell would crack and he’d be human again. So he plotted and planned, and when they came for him he knew what he had to do. His final mission, the last plan, the one to end it all. 

———

The far door opens with a clang and three guards file in, dragging a body by a chain between them. 

She’d known it would be shocking seeing him again and was already braced for what condition he’d be in, but she wasn’t quite prepared for how awful it would be to come face to face with the consequences of her own failures. How jarring it’d be to see Ethan so still and lifeless, compliant. She would’ve guessed he’d die before giving up. 

Ilsa is the cynical one, she knows the harsh realities and cruelties of this world. She’s practical. She’s been the torturer and the assassin with no regard for the lives she’s affecting. But not Ethan, it was never supposed to be him that faced down the darkness of her world and had to, somehow, come out the other side. Ilsa has already done that. Too many times to count. It’s made her who she is and she’s not prepared to be on the opposite side of that. Ilsa had been alone for so long before him and no one had ever protected her like this before - sacrificing themselves to shield her from her own mistake. She hopes it hasn’t destroyed Ethan. Taken away his loyalty, compassion, the ability to see goodness in everyone, or the desire to protect everyone. It takes every bit of her not to step forward and cradle his body to hers when another guard grabs his legs and the two men toss Ethan into the center of the room. 

Ethan hits the ground with a thud and multiple wet coughs. 

“Fucker tried to kill himself. Been a long time since he’s had that much energy.”

Fury, hatred, and grief all ripple through her at the words, but the man spoke in his native tongue, one she isn’t supposed to speak. She keeps her face and body language impassive. This isn’t a man she’s deeply in love with. He’s a job, a mission required in the course of her duties. Nothing more than the man her employers want her to hunt down and bring to them. 

If only it were that simple.

Ilsa steps forward and crouches in front of Ethan, fisting her hand into his hair. She pulls up harshly, detaching her mind from her body and what she is about to do. (Her mind is raking her eyes over him, unable to focus on one thing because her attention is immediately drawn to something else. There’s a thick chain fastened around his neck, tight to his skin and surrounded by some of the deepest bruising she’s ever seen. The end of it trails out from his neck, a mocking and sick impersonation of a leash. His hands are bound behind his back with rope that’s splotchy bright red with new blood and dark almost black of old, dried blood. She can’t see the skin of his wrists. She doesn’t want to. He’s shirtless and Ilsa can count his ribs where they protrude from his chest and the vertebrae of his spine down his scarred and bleeding back. She can identify where and what bones of his bare feet and hands have been broken and healed wrong because she’s done that, she’s broken those bones on prisoners before. She wonders what his legs look like under the ripped and torn tac pants he’s still wearing from the mission. Each breath rattles in and out across lips that are cracked and bleeding. Her eyes jump across him and she is seething, furious, ready to burn down th-) Ethan’s glare is still defiant when their eyes meet, and before he recognizes her he spits a wad of blood and saliva into her face. He starts to speak in a hoarse, raspy voice completely foreign to him “you might as well just kil-”

He cuts off as he realizes it’s her. Almost instantly his face collapses into the most profound display of grief and heartbreak and utter relief she’s ever seen. It’s an expression meant to be carved in marble, painted and displayed in a museum, or preserved in a book for all eternity but not on someone's face. Human beings aren’t supposed to look like that, especially not at her. Not for her, when she’s done so much wrong. There’s blood running from his bruised nose and congealing in the sparse hair on his lip. The smack she delivers to his face adds more to it. 

“Хуй!” She swears in Russian and wipes her face as she stands and pushes Ethan away. 

There is a simmering beast of rage burning within her. She has killed and tortured and maimed and done things that haunt her. Nothing will haunt her as much as the way his face instantly shuts off, all the emotion in his expression a moment before disappears. He doesn’t flinch or wince with the slap. Just takes it, and flops motionless to the ground. He’s nothing, a blank slate as if Ethan is gone, and here is his corpse. 

“This is the target.” Ilsa still speaks in Russian, accent perfect, with no hint that it’s not her native tongue. No hint of the swirling emotions within her. She nods to the prison warden. Alanna, face a perfect mask, passes the backpack stacked full of cash to him. 

“We can continue with the exchange then. I assure you, it’s all there. Couldn’t stay in the business like this if we didn’t ensure all terms were met on both sides.” Alanna says, perfect smile in place. Underneath it though, her skin has paled a shade. Shocked by the brutality Ethan has suffered. 

The man takes it, a slimy grin exposing yellow teeth as he hands it to another man who excuses himself to count it. 

“When my man confirms it you’re free to leave with him.” He rakes a dirty hand through his greasy hair and sends both women another nauseating smile. 

Only in your wildest dreams, Ilsa thinks as she nods to him again. She expected nothing less, to everyone else this is nothing more than a business transaction.

The room waits in silence, save for Ethan’s rattling breaths. She glances at the White Widow whose face has gone another shade paler as she looks more closely at Ethan. Her brother behind her looks grim but is no longer glaring at Ilsa. 

She refocuses on Ethan. He hasn’t moved since she slapped and pushed him back to the ground, hasn’t even turned his head so his face isn’t resting on the floor. His breaths begin to take on a wet quality and she steps over to him with less urgency than she feels. Ilsa pauses when she gets to him as if she’s considering, and carelessly uses her foot to push him up and onto his shoulder, the closest she can get him to the recovery position. 

“Can���t have you dying before my employers get their hands on you can we?” She says, her voice low as she crouches back in front of him, trying to meet his eyes and communicate with just a glance like they used to. His stare is dead ahead, eyes unfocused. There’s a small pool of blood where his face was just resting on the ground, more running from his nose and mouth. It’s concerning, but not enough to be immediately life-threatening alone. She’s not sure if paired with the rest of his injuries and the disassociation it’s a significant concern. 

She stays crouched by him, listening to his breathing and watching his chest rise and fall jerkily, winces as she can his broken ribs flex and expand under the skin that’s practically molded to them he’s so thin. 

Ilsa stands when the outer door opens and the man who counted the money nods. 

The warden looks at them, “It seems our terms have been met, the terrorist is yours. My men will move him to your vehicle. It’s a pleasure to do business with you, perhaps next time we’ll meet under more pleasurable circumstances.”

Ilsa wants to punch the man square in his smug face, maybe whip around his back and break his neck with her thighs. Instead, she nods and motions two guards forward. 

“Carry him. My employers will not appreciate any more damage to the goods.”

The warden translates, and there is a brief bickering back and forth before the guards begrudgingly scoop Ethan up by his feet and under his arms. It’s not a long walk to the roof of the compound, but it still concerns Ilsa that Ethan doesn’t move or flinch throughout the journey no matter how many times the guards carelessly let him bump into the walls of the corridor. 

Outside on the roof, the light rain from when they arrived has lifted, leaving the air damp and chilling to the bone. She instantly wants to shiver and pull her coat tighter around herself.

Ilsa points to the helicopter she arrived in, indicating where she wants the guards to set Ethan. They toss him in, none too gently. She dismisses them with a flick of her hand and they retreat back inside. She nods at Alanna and Zola, as they climb into their own helicopter.

Alanna has to shout over the sound of both helicopters spinning up, “I trust you’ll ensure he’s well healed by the time I need to call on the second half of my payment.”

Ilsa nods again, not needing another reminder of the other half of the agreement, “You have my guarantee.”

She nods to them in dismissal before ducking under the spinning rotors, stepping up into the helicopter, and sliding the door closed with a satisfying thunk when it latches. She reaches forward and taps Brandt, behind the stick of the chopper, on the shoulder, giving him the signal to fly to their first rendezvous point with Luther and Benji. His gaze is focused on Ethan, worry written in every wrinkle of his face. 

As gently as she can she rights Ethan, crouching on the floor and leaning him against the fuselage of the helicopter. He’s still out of it, gaze empty and unfocused. Ilsa blinks back sudden wetness in her eyes and swallows a choking feeling rising in her throat before dragging the first of the multiple medical bags towards her, fishing a pair of medical shears out of a front pocket. She begins to reach behind Ethan to cut the ropes on his hands when he makes an almost imperceptible sound of pain, barely audible over the sound of the helicopter as it lifts in the air. She’d have missed it if she wasn’t leaning over him. As quickly as she can she leans back, gently cradling his body to rest back against the fuselage. His eyes are red and bloodshot, one swollen, and the other already surrounded by bruising. But they are staring directly at her, locked onto her face, his expression a mix of fear and hope, an open book to her always. 

“Ilsa?” He asks in the same shattered voice as before. 

“Yes, it’s me. It’s me.” She drops the medical shears and cups his cheek with one hand, the other cradling the back of his head, her fingers tangling into his hair. 

Ethan is staring at her with so much intensity it’s almost overwhelming. Like she’s an oasis in the desert and he’s drinking her in, a dying man and she’s the thing he needs to survive. He leans his cheek into her palm, pressing into it and nosing into her wrist, eyes falling shut for the briefest moment before they snap open and he pulls his head up like it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done, eyes locked back on her. 

“You’re real? You’re alive? This is all real?” Ethan’s eyes are brimming with tears and he’s not even trying to blink them away, afraid she’ll disappear if he takes his gaze off of her for even a millisecond.  

She presses a kiss to his forehead, “It’s all real. I’m real, I’m alive. You’re alright, you’re okay.”

Ilsa swipes her thumb over the bruise under his eye, catching a tear as it falls and watching as his face crumples with relief. She pulls him into her, tucking his face into the side of her neck, pressing her own cheek on top of his head, one hand still tangled in his hair, holding. I’m here. I’m here. I’m here. We’re both alive. You’ll be okay. The other arm wraps around him carefully, avoiding the worst of the wounds on his back and holding him close for the first time in five months, pressing them together, and wishing she could lay her claim on him. She’ll never be able to protect him entirely, but damn if she doesn’t wish she could. Soon she’s crying too, silent, as Ethan shakes in her hold. 

I love you. I love you. I love you. She thinks. 

They’re safe. Together. Alive. A weight she didn’t know was on her shoulders lifts, relief coursing through her so powerfully it leaves her feeling breathless, overwhelmed, and exhausted. There is a fine tremble running through her hands. She almost didn’t get this; holding him, kissing him, loving him.

The baby kicks, shifts inside of her and she holds back a gasp. The doctor who had performed the surgery on her leg had consulted an OB after confirming she was indeed pregnant. After the surgery, there had been conversations - what to expect and when, how often she should be coming in for check-ups, and more dietary and health recommendations for herself than she wanted to think about. The list had been endless, but she had been out of it with pain, grief over losing Ethan, and overwhelmed with shock that she was pregnant after a lifetime of being told she couldn’t conceive children. But now, thinking back, the doctor had told she’d start to feel kicks and movement around five months. Even with tears on her face, she smiles a bit. He’s already like his father with perfect timing. She presses more kisses to Ethan’s hair, making her way down his face with gentle touches of her lips to his skin, ghosting over his eye, trailing across his cheekbone, and collecting salty tears until she gets to his mouth. He surges up to meet her, pressing them together desperately and with more force than she thought he was capable of. Ilsa smiles into him, god she missed this. 

Meet your dad, little man, he’s the best of us. 

an: anyone catch the sneaky little line of dialogue i stole from rogue nation in there?? title of this fic and the lyrics at the beginning are from the war, by syml. also, xуй means dick in Russian

taglist (i made this from people who showed interest, please don't hesitate to ask to be removed (or added!!), absolutely no hard feelings): @valmare @thethistlegirl @alcafrach @izzypuppybutt

[nohr-and-thirst]

infodump more about welt suffering and welt in general. please?

I've played quite a bit of HI3 and have been playing HSR, which made me finally interested in welt. the gravitas of his eng VA's voice his chef's kiss - I think he's one of the few characters who doesn't sound like "I'm reading this from a paper in a studio" in english - and I dig his design and powers. but what side material do I actually read to get welt lore? there's so much manga and I've only seen screenshots

ASK ABOUT WELT AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!

Quick side topic about his English VA. I love how it fits Welt so well, in my opinion. I play Impact 3rd with CN dub, but for Star Rail he doesn’t have the same CN voice actor so it threw me off at first, but I gotten use to it after I tried to stop associating with another Impact 3rd VA.

I am putting this here already, this is gonna be very short explanation. Is this post short? No absolutely not, but I’m trying to cut details to try and make it short as I can and have it make sense.

Let us start off with some basic information about Welt Yang and now he inherited the name plus the Herrscher of Reason core.

Before there was Welt Yang, there was Welt Joyce, the first Herrscher of Reason. Sadly Impact 3rd does not explore much of Joyce, and most of the information on him, Otto, Anti-Entropy, and even about Tesla and Einstein is all a Visual Novel that never got a true English translation. However, it did get fan translations and oh goodness it’s a lot there. We will speak only of the information we got about Welt Yang from this Visual Novel.

Around the time this VN takes place Welt Yang is 8 years old since it’s 1955. He is the kiddo in the middle, and man oh man he went through a lot!!!

Welt’s dad, Elias Nokianvirtanen, really did care for Welt. He would often travel with his dad who was working for Schicksal.

There is important information to note, and if I don’t explain it I feel like so much will be lost and the reason all of this is important. There are two major groups at the time (1955). Schicksal and Anti-Entropy (AE). At first AE was just the Northern American branch, and there was a lot of tension between the two. After a bit of… fighting, they did manage to make Anti-Entropy.

The reason they were with the AE, was because Elias was forced to sabotage AE because Otto was threatening Welt’s life.

Than there is Welt Joyce. Welt Joyce is one of my personal favorite underrated characters, and the way Joyce really wanted to protect humanity tells you everything.

Now what does these gentlemen have in common-? Their deaths are connected to Otto. Otto killed Elias due to the reason he was there slipped, and Joyce risked his life to protect New York from being nuked by Otto.

At this time as Welt was trying to help Joyce, Joyce asked him what he thought of the name Welt. Welt mentions he likes it, and Joyce not only passed on the name Welt, but also the Herrchser core.

If you are curious, and wish to read the VN here is the link! https://zklm.github.io/honkai-vn-antientropy/ as a reminder, this is a fan translation, since we never got an official English translation!

Now, here is where we get to the fun bits. Fun fact: in the manga Second Eruption, Otto was legit like flabbergasted. Cause you know, THE FACT HE KILLED IS SUPPOSEDLY ALIVE. Only than to see it wasn’t Welt Joyce, but someone else and this manga just really shows you how strong Welt can be.

Now in Second Eruption, their goal at the start was just “hey we need to find this new herrchser.” So guess what? They gotta work together a bit. There was a small comment that I feel gets over looked and that is, Otto never really taught Siegfried or Theresa how to use their divine keys, and Welt made a small jab at this. I don’t hear people really mention this, and I don’t know why it is such a small fact I love to bring up.

There is a really important fight scene that happens among these pages/chapters between Welt and Sirin. Here we get to see more of what Welt can do as the HOR, which is once he learns the structure of a human creation, he can make a cope with honkai energy. Now I don’t wanna go to much detail into this fight cause how I’m typing won’t do it justice, but we get a tiny new conflict pop up! What is this conflict? A clown, more specifically, Otto. That’s Otto Apocalypse himself.

When I saw Otto has basically made it his personal goal to take down Welt, it being Joyce or Yang, to take down AE, and just do his plans, I mean it. This man goes so far, and I can do a whole essay about Otto, because he is an extremely well written antagonist. However, that will be for later in case anyone wants that just tell me. But Otto could have done more to Welt here, however Siegfried was there! Since Siegfried is key to Otto’s plan he just leaves and they both luckily make it back to safety with VERY bad injuries.

I do not want to go into all the details in the manga, as this manga is my favorite and everyday I hope that HoYoverse will animate it, so https://manga.honkaiimpact3.com/book/1005 here is the link! PLEASE IF YOU CAN READ IT! It’s 65 chapters long, it’s amazing, well written and oh my goodness I could do a whole video essay on it.

Now I am gonna throw some fun facts because this post is getting long and I’ll share some links too!

So here is a great video from HoYoverse about Joyce, Welt Yang, and Bronya and the legacy of the Herrchser of Reason! https://youtu.be/eSOYUfnUGZk

Now here I’m gonna send two playlist of A Post Honkai Odyssey. Why? Because Welt is in it, and also one of my all time favorite character is in it too, Void Archives. (This is me hinting that I wanna info dump about him too.)

Here is a playlist of gameplay of APHO on YT: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLt0MO_4lG2SEyuMmOywSW02-soMN0PA45

Here is a playlist for APHO 2: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIL1w10vWxxolgZxP1Q7KlTPyq2B8JCt3

Also APHO has a certain scene that could be similar to some Star Rail players 👀

Here some random fun facts about Welt Yang that I recall on top of my head cause he gives the brain serotonin!

Welt Yang for the first bit having the core couldn’t sleep tho to the fact that the core houses over 300k people, and he never really complained of any struggles it gave to him, but we learn during the HoD arc when he speaks with Bronya he is concerned about her and ask her all the things she is experiencing.

It’s mention in Second Eruption that Welt would try and ask Einstein to play the piano, also he mentions around that same chapter I believe that if he didn’t inherit the HoR core he thinks/wonders if he would have become a teacher or linguistic like his father.

Facts relating to Arahato is that one his company had a whole copyright issue with Otto’s game company, the Arahato is heavily based of Joyce, and the line “Witness the stars shatter before you!” Comes from Joyce, but Herrchser of Truth Bronya (HI3RD) and Welt (HSR) say this line! Also around the Thus Spoke Apocalypse arc, it is mentioned by Einstein that one morning Welt made breakfast for the crew but it wasn’t much since he made it but implies he knows how to cook!

This is more from Star Rail, but is Serval is in your express she actual mentions Welt cause he asked some questions, but here is the tumblr link for that!

I don’t want to make a too long post that no one possible reads, BUT PLEASE ASK ME ANYTHING! IT CAN BE SILLY OR SERIOUS ABOUT WELT OR ANY OF THE HONKAI IMPACT 3RD GROUP OR STAR RAIL GROUP AS WELL!!! I read the manga’s and I have read the VN and I have spent hours rereading and replaying and explaining to people that ask and I love to do so QVQ

[askbensolo]

Journal Entry #55: Updates on my novel and also my life

So, the blurrg sex scene probably isn’t integral to the main thread of my novel. But, I’m hesitant to cut it because I think it would be kriffing hilarious to tell people there’s a sex scene in my story, only for them to find out two-thirds of the way in that it’s just two blurrgs blurrging it on.

Also, the fact that I witnessed it with my own two eyes on Ryloth means I have to share the trauma.

A few more no-context spoilers for fun:

Fannie’s Sisters Casually Emasculate Me Over Dinner

Fifty Teenage Twi’lek Boys, One Brain Cell

Pennie Pentarra is Not the Innocent Victim I Thought She Was

Ruut Pentarra Joins the Club of People Who Disapprove of Me Dating Fannie (But Because He Thinks I Could Do Better)

Fannie and I Spent the Night in a Sex Dungeon (Nothing Happened)

And also…

Fannie and I Broke Up (Again)

So! I’ve spoiled the ending for you! You don’t even need to read it!!

Did I write this post mainly because I didn’t know how else to announce my breakup? Maybe. Possibly.

It’s not like it’s a surprise or anything. I think we all saw it coming.

Well, except for her, maybe.

…

Well—anyway.

I thought writing a novel about my own life would be easy because I didn’t actually have to come up with the plot, but—there is actually an art to arranging the details in a way that flows and makes sense. So, even though I’m like 80% done with my first draft already…I know it’s kind of garbage at this point, and I’ll have to do quite a bit of polishing.

Luckily, I will have lots of time to do that! Because…I finally admitted to my mom about Snoke Part Two: The Snokening, and—as expected—she is making me quit my job and move back home immediately!!

And normally that would leave Poe paying 2,000 credits of monthly rent on his own, but in the interests of expediting my homecoming, my mom is graciously paying the difference until Poe can find another roommate.

Luckily, I know a guy. He threatened to kill me in the back of a Spacebucks once, but, eh—water under the bridge.

And speaking of ol’ stick-up-his-butt…

…I ended up paying back Armitage for all my “free” coffees.

Yeah. The Force made me do it—or something. Call it an early Life Day miracle.

I’ve been rethinking a lot, let’s just say that. I knew I could part with the credits, since I won’t be paying rent for the foreseeable future, and I’m gonna look for a new job on Hosnian Prime.

Ha. Armitage, Poe and Beebee-Ate. Now, I can see them all getting along reeaal well. Heh heh heh.

Sigh. I’m gonna miss Naboo, and miss Theed. I’ve spent the past three years of my life here.

…I miss Fannie too. I wish I hadn’t…well…yeah.

I’ll even miss Poe and Beebee-Ate. I’m leaving right as they were beginning to grow on me. Poe’s been a good buddy (even if I’ve seen his bare ass more times than I ever wanted to).

About the only thing I won’t miss is my job—but even then, it was part of my routine, something that made my days predictable in the bad way but also kind of in the good way, and it was a key part of my new life as an official grown-up adult-person-guy.

I’m gonna hang out with my old college bud Treeso one last time before I leave Naboo. And then I’m gonna put in my two weeks’ notice, pack up my stuff, try to sell whatever I can’t take home, and then…that’ll be that, I guess.

Goodbye, Naboo.

I feel like everything in my life is changing all at once. It’s…kind of sad.

But…that’s just how it goes. Isn’t it?

“Always in motion, is the future,” Fannie said, when we were breaking up.

“What?”

“The future. It’s always in motion.”

“Well, yeah—but why’d you say it backwards, the first time?”

“I don’t know,” she said, surprised, like she’d never thought about it before. “That’s just always the way Master Luke said it.”

And speaking of Uncle Luke…

…Mom wants me to start meeting with him again.

…It’s okay. Fannie and I aren’t a thing anymore anyway, so…

…Yeah.

My twenty-fourth birthday is in a couple of weeks. I was originally gonna do something for it, ‘cause I have ongoing December-birthday-overshadowed-by-Life-Day trauma—but…meh. I’m too busy now to celebrate. Twenty-four’s pretty much the same thing as twenty-three anyway.

Hey—sorry I haven’t written as much, the past month. (Well, I’ve been writing a lot—just, not for my blog.) But…I’ll try to keep you guys updated on my move, and whatever. Happy to answer any questions about my writing project, too.

Oh—but do me a favor and don’t…ask Fannie about my trip to Ryloth, or anything. Some…stuff happened while I was there—I mean, besides the breakup—and…well, I think it’s just best if you don’t ask. I’m not sure it’s something she’d like to talk about.

Hope everyone is staying warm and enjoying season’s festivities and punching germs in the face and all that.

Me—I’m doing pretty okay, too.

You know me. I always pull through.

Your dude,

—Ben

[spicyicymeloncat]

Hey ngl I am not enjoying the discourse about Misako and Garmadon and who’s the sad puppy dog oh so owo traumatised little flower parent and who’s absolutely down right evil rot in hell forever leaking fuming bag of toxic waste parent.

…

I asked my boyfriend if I should post this and he said I should write a conclusion. And I’m thinking about this. What’s my actual opinion on them? Who’s the better parent? Who’s the worst? Has Lloyd ever a good parental figure ever?? IS THERE ANY DECENT PARENTAL RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS SHOW (jk Ed Edna and Cyrus Borg y’all are doing great).

And yknow I hate the Misako vs Garmadon bc it feels like some of you act like the only reason people hate Misako is because they just hate to see a woman on the screen. But like. No. I disagree. I mean not totally, some people do let misogyny affect their opinions on things. But like, it’s almost as bad to act like the horrendously awful writing of Misako as a character just didn’t happen. It’s horrendous BECAUSE of misogyny (and the fact that the show is not written well in a lot of places anyways).

Misako spends a whole fuckin lot of of her time in the show in the most sexist era of Ninjago, and then doesn’t really get much development after that. Her memorable moments are literally coming back after having no contact with Lloyd, flirting with Wu a lot, being Lloyd’s mother, being a researcher, flirting with Garmadon and like being his wife, getting kidnapped a few times, the letter, and uhhh being a little sassy? As I was saying this I realised I could probably list every detail we get on her in the show. It’s that little. And can we agree, I’m not saying she’s evil and should have chosen to be well written. I’m saying she’s clearly a badly written character mostly used to prop up other characters arcs, and that’s the fault of the writers. Like you can justify some of what she did but it’s not presented in that way bc the writers don’t put in the time to make her compelling.

So why the hell are we comparing “might as well replace her with a trophy for a poetry competition” Misako with characters who were less neglected by the writers. And why are we surprised when people don’t like her compared to a character who the writers put more effort into telling a more compelling redemption, a character who we get on screen for a whole season during his time as a reformed villain, a character who we see spending time with Lloyd much more than Misako. In comparison Misako spends a lot of her scenes holding hands with Wu, hanging out with Wu, like where’s the mother son bonding road trip?? We don’t get a season where Misako tags along with the protagonists and I wish we did but we do get that with Garmadon (twice) and it’s s3 and 4 and she spends those seasons with Wu (and like Wusako is not popular bc their relationship was framed as romantically inclined and she was still living and presented as married with Garmadon at the time so likeeee)

I’m not saying Misako is a worst parent, I’m saying her relationship with her son is not as fun or as enjoyable and that’s why people don’t like her as much. Not necessarily because everyone is a misogynist. But because not everyone is about to reconstruct a Misako with good writing just to enjoy her more.

Have we considered that liking Misako is a spectrum, almost because the writers gave us nothing for her and we’re all just filling the blanks. Some people are projecting hard. Some people are projecting their abandonment issues onto Lloyd. Some people are projecting the struggle of parenthood onto Misako. Some people didn’t think at all about her. Some people only like her out of spite of how annoying it is to only see Misako haters. Some people only like her because she’s one of the scarce female characters of the show and it’s fucking rough. I wish there were more people who liked women as characters tho. Like tbh it still kinda feels like we’re still stuck with the same single archetype for how we see women. Sexy badasses who snark and kiss other women. Tbh I feel like most of the fandom just projects onto characters and that’s why Ninjago discourse feels so vicious bc people are fighting for their lives that they have stitched into their image of their favourite Lego and I’m getting very off topic what was I talking about??

Uhh anyways I like Misako and I hate Misako I feel like all her haters and her stans and the show writers and the myself are wrong about her in some way. I think I’m tired of the debate of whether she’s a good mum, we should be talking about what her favourite food is and it’s probably soup she probably puts it into a flask to take on her work adventures I DONT REMEMBER WHY I STARTED WRITING OH WAIT IT WAS THE GARMISAKO PARENTLYMPICS.

Neither Garmadon and Misako are better than each other. I’m gonna blow your minds rn but write this down if you care about traumatic parent child relationships (so like if you’re gonna write an angsty Lloyd fic). But when your grow up in an abusive household, there’s a high likelihood your parents aren’t clones of each other but instead bad in different ways.

(Tw: I traumadump to you about my not great parents. Skip past the italics)

One of my parents is emotionally unstable and immature and yet more in touch with me emotionally, my other parent is neglectful and has unsatisfiable expectations of me and yet she doesn’t verbally abuse me.

One isn’t worse than the other and worrying about who is worse often ends up minimising the damage the other causes. Why does one have to be worse when it’s more accurate to describe the experience as “they’re bad in their own way”. The “who is worse” debate is definitely something people from broken households ask themselves and I think we can definitely explore Lloyd’s character in terms of that, but there’s no actual answer. You can’t put a number on trauma and I personally don’t think we should be trying to. Goodbye black and white thinking, hello to messy and complicated, as most bad parental relationships are.

I don’t think Misako and Garmadon are great or justified in what they did, and I don’t think they were terrible or that Lloyd shouldn’t have forgiven them either. I wish we got more development for both of them (Misako more tho bc the writers are bitches) and I wish people didn’t ignore either her characterisation as a loving character as well as her characterisation as a once distant one (and then hinge their opinion of Garmadon as a comparison.).

Idk. Idk what this post was I’ve just always been annoyed at other people in the Misako fight club, some people get way too one way about her, like some of y’all get mean about her I think. I opened tiktok once just to feel like the anger was warranted. Idk she’s not my favourite character and I feel like that’s not allowed bc people act like the only way you could hate her is because you’re sexist and I disagree. But I like her as a character that I can get mad at and then forgive. She’s so interesting. She’s not evil she’s complicated I like having complicated feelings about her. That’s the most compelling part of her in my opinion. I’m a Misako hater and a Misako enjoyer and I’ve thought too much about her and that has to count for something

Now. No one is allowed to read one line of this post and then act like I’m taking away freedom of speech or that I hate women or take a fraction of this and get overly angry. This is due to the fact that this is my opinion. The penalty for doing this is that I take your tumblr profile pic and photoshop it into a garbage bin and I will show it to my boyfriend and we will laugh.

There are so many different points in this post and like it feels like this could be five separate posts but oh well. Send post.

[partyblakerz]

Anders Holmvik: The Best Autism Representation You've Never Heard of

TW // ableism and abuse mentions

As an autistic woman, I’ve found myself wishing there were more autistic characters that I could relate to. I’ve also seen a lot of poor autism representation in different forms of media. Just last year, a game I used to love got tainted by a DLC storyline where an autistic-coded character is basically treated like shit and villainized the whole time, while his abusers and bullies get little to no comeuppance and don't truly apologize.

And then I started watching Workaholics for the first time and I got to know Anders Holmvik.

Seeing Ders was legitimately comforting to me. He was hilarious, he was well-written, and I saw a lot of myself in him. So I thought I'd throw a long post together explaining the headcanon and why it genuinely means the world to me!

Just a heads up: in addition to episodes of the show itself, I will also use evidence from the character Tumblr blogs. I know that supplemental materials aren't always 100% canon, and I don't necessarily agree with the portrayals of the characters on some of the posts. However, there's some solid info there that supports my headcanon. I put these details in a separate section because I thought they'd at least be worth a mention.

Evidence from Episodes

One of the most prominent autism traits that Ders exhibits is his role as the most serious and responsible out of his roommates. There are SO many episodes where this is evident, but one quote that stuck out to me is from "Trivia Pursuits", where he says that he's "on time entirely too often." As someone who regularly shows up early to classes and events, I can definitely relate. Anders is also shown to be a stickler who tries to adhere to rules whenever possible. In "Friendship Anniversary", he chastises the teens for staying at the park past closing time.

Ders has been shown to have quite a few special interests. Obviously, the most prominent one for him is swimming. He doesn't just view it as his favorite sport/activity that he did in high school or college. Noooo. He goes all in. In "Party Gawds", he shows people at the party tapes of himself swimming and infodumps while Adam and Blake are partying. "High Art" also reveals that one of his most prized posessions is a basketball signed by all the members of the USA women's swim team. It’s so prized that Karl theatening to cross Alison Schmitt's name off is what ultimately convinces him to not shave Blake's hair off.

He is also very knowledgable about 80’s movies, which is shown in "Trivia Pursuits". When he enters the 80’s trivia competition, he breezes through the questions with ease and manages to defeat the reigning trivia champions on the opposing team!

Ders has also been shown stimming on multiple occasions. The first moment I thought of was this part of "In Line", where Ders can be seen playing with his koosh ball.

He's also been shown stimming with his fingers, including in the intro where he's sorta twiddling them. At the beginning of "The Slump", Anders chews on them too!

It is also shown in several episodes that he tries to mask. There’s a line in "Speedo Racer" that accentuates this:

"You just sit in the corner. You watch them. You study them. You learn how to laugh on cue."

There are even instances where Ders is shown having meltdowns on screen. The first one happens in "Old Man Ders" when his coworkers surprise him in the break room. And as someone who often has meltdowns myself, I have a lot to say because it's a scene that captures them very accurately. Before he even walks into the room you can see how much the thought of getting older is looming in his brain, and he does drugs to take his mind off of it. I’m speaking from experience here when I say that the worries on my mind can easily become the catalyst for my meltdowns if they aren’t resolved.

When he walks into the break room, it only gets worse for him from there. His coworkers gather around, looking him in the eyes and telling him how old he’s getting while laughing in his face, and he gets visibly uncomfortable. The parts where it just cuts to Ders's pained face while ominously high pitched whistling noises start playing and the camera shakes around? That's exactly how I feel when I can barely process anything other than the stimuli that's causing me to have a meltdown. Eventually Ders gets so overwhelmed that he slams the cake on the ground and yells "I KNOW HOW OLD I AM!" before running out of the room.

The second meltdown we see Ders having occurs in "Friendship Anniversary" when the Porta potty gets tipped over with him inside. The poor guy's left there with dirty toilet water all over him, and the teens laugh at him while all he can do is scream. I've had similar meltdowns where I'm left screaming like Ders, and I really felt for him. Poor Dersy…

Evidence from the character Tumblr blogs

In addition to his biggest special interest (swimming), Ders has another special interest: Volvo cars. We already know from episodes of the series that Dersy loves and cherishes his 'Vo. He also gets visibly upset whenever it gets tampered with, such as when it got painted over in "6 Hours Till Hedonism II" and when it was decorated to look like Falkor in "Trivia Pursuits".

But if you wanna see what further elevates this to special interest territory, take a look at his Tumblr blog. He’s made a couple of posts about other Volvo cars, and even says he has a picture of a Volvo as his computer's wallpaper.

Even Adam caught onto his roommate's special interest, if this post on his own blog is any indication!

Ders also says in another post that he gets his flu shot every year on October 17. A very specific date. This strongly implies that he often sticks to routines.

On a post made around Thanksgiving, he talks about a third meltdown he had during his childhood while going to the Turkey Hunt with his family. When they arrived, Ders got so overwhelmed that he started screaming for the turkeys to run away. Having meltdowns in public and being chastised by parents is something I can (sadly) relate to. Honestly, I could say a lot more about how much of a shitstain Thor was to Ders (and my headcanons related to that), but that’ll have to be reserved for another post.

Why the headcanon matters to me

I’ve seen quite a few autistic characters in different shows, and a lot of them are either poorly written, or minor/recurring characters that don’t get nearly as much screentime as the other allistic characters. On the other hand, Ders appears on every episode of the show, is written realistically, and isn't made into a complete punching bag. Sure, he's unlucky and bad things happen to him, but he isn't made the butt of jokes specifically BECAUSE of his autism. There are also some people who pick on him like the teens in the park who laugh at him, but it's clear that they're antagonists and you're not supposed to root for them.

Ders is easily the most relatable character of the whole cast for me as well. He's introverted like I am. He loves swimming and gets engrossed in it just like I do with my special interests. He stims just like I do. He even gets overstimulated and has meltdowns sometimes just like I do. Dersy's meltdown from "Friendship Anniversary" particularly hit me hard. I hadn't seen too many scenes depicting characters having meltdowns like this, so when I finally saw this part for myself I felt so... Seen. Like I wasn't a complete freak for all the times I get overwhelmed.

But what I find the most comforting about Ders being autistic is seeing him be happy. He isn't what society would consider "successful", but he still has a good life! He has two best friends who always stick by him! He triumphs at things like the 80's trivia competition! He parties and has fun! He gets to thrive, despite all the misfortune that happens to him sometimes! As someone who has worried extensively about fitting into society's mold of what constitutes "success", I needed to see this. I was so elated to see an autistic character get a happy ending that I actually teared up when the series closed with Ders talking with his besties on the roof one last time.

Overall, Anders is easily one of my favorite (possibly) autistic characters of all time. He’s one that I strongly relate to, and one who brought me joy when I truly needed it. Dersy is one of the things I love the most about this show, and he will always hold a special place in my heart. <3

Thank you for reading! If you haven't already, please consider giving this series a watch. It's knee-slappingly funny, the characters are lovable, the plots are outrageous and chaotic (in the best possible way), and you get to see the great autism representation that is Anders Holmvik ;)

[desdemonafictional]

Post canon WIP (Scene 1)

“I’ve been thinking,” Kabru said.

Annoyingly, Laios did not look up from the encyclopedia he was flipping through. He’d had a wistful, almost pained expression on his face for the last several minutes as he paged through the book that Mithrun had leant them. It was a detailed record of monsters known in the west, their appearances and habits and weaknesses, aimed at an audience of future Canaries destined for the dungeons of the outside world.

At first Laios had been thrilled, commenting constantly on this fact or that fact, and the quality of illustrations, and points where he happened to know the encyclopedia had gotten something wrong. But bit by bit, he’d gone quiet. And now he simply sat there, with that look on his face, as if the book hurt him to touch.

Kabru sat down on the edge of the table and placed his finger over the page.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said again.

Laios looked up.

“I know this life isn’t the one you wanted,” Kabru said. “We’re all grateful… I’m especially grateful, for what you’ve done. And I know… how it is with desires, I’ve seen what it costs to give up a part of yourself. But I’ve said this to someone else before—maybe the thing you used to want is beyond you now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have new desires. New interests.”

Laios gave him a tired look. “You’re talking about my curse,” he said. “Kabru, it’s fine. I’ve made peace with it. At the end of the day, there’s still books and things.” He gestured at the encyclopedia, as if it hadn’t just been making him miserable. “Just because I can’t see monsters up close anymore doesn’t mean I want to forget about them.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Kabru said. “I meant—without giving up on monsters, you can have other, different things as well, right?”

He slid the book aside, carefully marking the page before closing it.

“Let me teach you about people,” Kabru said. “People are really interesting! A human bite is functionally poisonous, and humans are actually very difficult to kill despite having no natural weapons—the things a human can do, not just dwarves and elves but tallmen too, and halflings—we’re amazing animals, incredibly adaptable, physiologically and mentally.”

“I don’t know,” Laios said, “humans are…”

Kabru considered him for a moment, appraising his uneasy, twisted expression. There were bits he’d learned about Laios, here and there, that suggested a story that Kabru had never dared ask directly about.

“Let me guess,” Kabru said, “and tell me if I’m wrong. Humans are something other to you, right? Something irrational. Alien. Humans took your childhood and destroyed it. Humans drove you from your home, hurt the people you loved. The harm came out of nowhere, without explanation, and you were powerless against it. You lived in fear of them, and even now, in some ways, you’re still afraid. Deep down, you find the idea of them revolting.”

Laios’s face was white. His fingers clenched in the fabric of his trousers, bloodless.

“Am I making the comparison clear enough?” Kabru asked.

“I don’t…” Laios said. “You’re not revolting to me.”

As much as he’d like to say otherwise, some small part of Kabru was relieved to hear it. Laios had said he liked him, had called him a friend, but Laios was so difficult to understand sometimes. And Kabru worried. He had always worried, ever since he met Laios.

“Thanks,” Kabru said, making light of it. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Laios didn’t smile. “The Winged Lion said some similar things to me,” he admitted. “And it’s true, there have been times in my life when I hated humans, when I wished for—um. Things that would probably scare you. But I also… know that I can’t ever really give up on being a human. Not just because of the curse…”

Laios ran his fingers through the downy feathers at the neck of his cloak, as if he was soothing himself.

“When I was a kid, I wanted to stop being human so badly it hurt. But when I was transformed, all I did was kill—I didn’t recognize anyone, not even the people I wanted to save most in the world. What I really wanted, all along, was to have it both ways. To be a monster, and also be myself.”

Taking a chance, Kabru reached out and took Laios’s hand. Broad and narrow, pale and dark, but they had the same callouses. He gave a squeeze.

“If you look at it the right way, I think you can have it both ways,” Kabru said. “Sort of.”

Laios frowned up at him.

“Let’s think about humans as a kind of monster,” Kabru went on. “What are their habits? Their strengths? What drives them, what makes them act like they do? I’ll teach you. Like I said, it’s really very interesting. Humans are driven by instinct as much as any other animal. They have predictable behaviors, once you understand the mechanisms.”

He squeezed again and then let go.

“Hunger, attraction, territoriality—We like to think we’re different than other creatures, but we’re really not,” Kabru said. “We’re just a bit more complicated, because of language.”

He opened the encyclopedia back up and paged through until he found the direwolf Laios had been chattering about earlier. “You said direwolves have a social family structure, just like humans. And just like humans, they can have abusive family dynamics, right? If the lead female bullies the younger females, the younger ones might rise up and kick her out of the pack, isn’t that what you said? So then, sometimes they don’t rise up. Why only sometimes?”

Laios blinked at Kabru’s finger. “You were listening to that?”

“I told you,” Kabru said. “I want to understand. When I watch you, I believe that there must still be some value in monsters. If you see something beautiful in them, then there must be something beautiful in them.”

He considered the illustration for a long moment, each tuft of fur with its own graceful motion, the detail rendered so closely, with such care of knife against block print.

“Things that are frightening can also be beautiful, don’t you think?”