#but I’m really in the midst of this right now and idk the way I’ve crafted this series it’s really really really hard to take things out

[ninawolv3rina]

I know Javier (the crab guy) is technically for a futuristic/sci-fi thing but I was wondering if you've ever thought about repurposing him into a setting like Duffy's, or Look Into Her Many Eyes.

Also, a broader version of that question is, how do you know when a character isn't meshing well into a story/setting and whether you should scrap them entirely or find another way to repurpose them?

What helps you determine if a character is necessary or can be replaced by someone or something else? Especially if you're attached to the character and/or something the character does in a scene or in the story.

These are REALLY good questions!

RE: Javi. I have TOTALLY considered dropping him into Duffy’s world. I think the biggest clash would be that he and Duffy are very similar characters and her universe might not have the room for two egos if that magnitude. That said, if I ever think of a brief enough plot for them, I’ve thought about how that would go. Look Into Her Many Eyes is gonna be far too low tech and contained for someone like him tho lol.

Character meshing: There’s a lot of factors for this. The biggest time it ever happened to me was with Harriet - in draft one, Harriet was a man. Her character really wasn’t working out for me, because i felt like he was repeating a lot of the same themes found in Marlowe and Arvin. I had to take a step back and think about exactly what you’re asking - what’s not working here? Is it something I can change? Would it be better to remove it entirely?

For Harriet, the answer was No, I can’t take her out. To divvy her lines to Marlowe and Arvin would completely change their relationships with Quincy, and to remove her entirely would be to remove a neccesary part of the narrative - that not everyone is willing to open themselves to change, not everyone CAN be redeemed. So, i needed to change it. But how? What wasn’t working? I think i had two options - change his personality, or change something else. And idk when exactly it hit me, but i realized the tone of Quincy and Harriet’s relationship would change DRASTICALLY if Harriet was a woman. Like, the tension became less predatory (Male!Harriet came off like a sex pest in some scenes), and there was a sense of wry amusement and mutual respect that hadn’t been there before. Also, her relationship with marlowe became less brotherly and suddenly I had a whole new relationship - Marlowe and Harriet have a mother/son bond without me changing almost anything other than the pronouns in those scenes.

Idk if that answered the question. I wasn’t particularly attached to Harriet as a character, more to what she accomplished in the story.

There ARE characters I’ve been attached to that don’t work perfectly. Usually I can just feel that they don’t work before I even get past drafting. Eyes, for instance - I Knew I had to have a priest character for the story to work, but every version of a priest i tried to slot in mentally just didn’t work. that happens a lot - it’s never the character that’s the problem, it’s the Way That They Are. I more often find a hole where i need a new character to move things forward than i find one just taking up space that needs removed. Idk why that is, maybe I’m more efficient than i give myself credit for. I get pretty brutal about what I feel does/doesn’t work before I even start writing (see: my post on headcanons where i talk about axing Quinlowe as a concept)

Anyways! sorry for the ramble and thank you for the question!

[aernx]

꒰ 💭 ꒱ OH, NIKI YOU’RE SO FINE! ˖ ⌨︎ ⁩◞❪니키❫

— 017 ! ykw i get the hype 💬

You didn’t know why but legs were shaking in anticipation as you stuck your gaze to ENHYPEN’s number 10. Your heart was beating harder and harder as you watched Riki dribbled the ball and passing it to number 23. Sunghoon, you believe?

“Focusing so hard on your lover boy?” You heard Miki smirk. That comment seem to fuel your other friends too as Beomgyu let out his signature laugh.

“I’m literally just watching the game guys.”

“Yeah? Well you weren’t this excited before getting to know mr. number 10.” You turn to see Jeongin and Beomgyu switching those “looks”.

“Are you guys implying that I’m never excited to watch Hee play??”

“Stop using Hee as an excuse. We know that you had eyes on number 10 for awhile. You just seem to always forget about him outside court.” Beomgyu rolled his eyes playfully.

His statement made you realize, have you really kept your eyes on Niki for awhile despite not knowing him outside his jersey attire? Though your thoughts were soon cut short as you felt Miki tap your shoulder.

“Shut up and look! Your lover boy just scored a three-point!”

The game went on for awhile and before you could even blink, the game was over. As the result, your school won with only 3 points ahead! Well you gotta admit, SM got some good players.

All of you went down to the field once the game was over to congratulate the players. You can see Miki skipping her way to Karina as she spotted her dear friend in the midst of the crowd.

You watch the two engulf each other in a long tight hug, smiling at them before leaving the two to give them some ‘alone time’.

Heeseung spotted you halfway and went over to call your name, indicating you to go to him. As you reached down, you see your best friend approaching you with open arms. But just before he can hug you, you slid left and dodged him.

“Ew don’t hug me, you’re sweating.” You grimaced at him and he pouted slightly in return. But the grimace on your face soon dissipate, your lips curling upwards forming into a smile as you high-fived him. “You did great, I’m proud of you, Hee.”

“Thankyou, bubble tea.” He smiled brightly before continuing.

“Now don’t you think you’re forgetting something?” Hee nudged you towards a certain tall, black haired boy, with a number 10 engraved on his jersey.

You glanced to the right and just as if it was on cue, Riki’s eyes made contact with yours. You can feel your heart accelerating just a bit faster at the act. Why were you getting nervous? After all he’s just a friend right?

You slowly approach him, looking up to him with a smile. “Hi Riki.”

“Hey Yn.” His eyes widened a bit before returning your smile.

“You we’re amazing there. It was so intense, I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. You did so well.”

“You think so?” A blush blossomed on his visage as his hand rubbed the back of his neck, smiling hard over your compliment.

“Of course.” Riki saw how your eyes lit up in anticipation as you told him about how cool he was when scored the last point that led to their win.

But in the midst of your talking, he seemed to get lost in those alluring eyes of yours, looking at you with a unwavering gaze as he listened to what you had to say.

“Oh he’s so down bad” Heeseung snickered before leaving the two alone to catch up with the rest of the team.

OH, NIKI YOU’RE SO FINE! — CHP SEVENTEEN

𖥻 masterlist ⟲ prev | next ⟳

aerin’s notes ☆

idk how to write matches bc i’ve rarely seen them so i’m sorry if i made sum mistakes 😔

TAGLIST. now closed !

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© aernx 2023 / do not steal, copy, translate — hope you enjoy my works! and let me know if you have any suggestions !

[uwugenides]

to be clear, i don’t mean as in “i left and no one is checking on me boohoo” or whatever the fuck. i mean i realized i don’t talk to anyone, ever apparently. i only talk in that server, and i don’t even dm with anyone from there. i have no friends outside of that server

nothing like leaving your main discord server to make you realize you have literally no friends

[dazealigner]

As a new Boygenius and Muna fan, scenarios with both groups are just in my head like wild fire ( my notes app is crying. )

And since you’ve asked for our thoughts, I thought I’d share this with you.

I am nervous cuz I don’t really send asks even if they’re anon so I hope this is good :b Also i’m so sorry for the length omg

————-

Whether or not it’s just boygenius, muna, or both bands are on stage at the same time. You are not safe backstage. They have so much love to give, why would you be?

Let me paint the scene for you.

You, the bestfriend of munagenius, a solo artist who does write songs and poetry, but especially loves being crafty. Paintings, drawings, origami, etc. ( I’m saying this because of a different scenario I’ve thought of with Munagenius having an artist!friend, maybe I’ll drop that thought here later 👀)

While you are known for your solo work, you’re also known for the shenanigans you, the boys, and muna get up to.

So since you tend to tag along on tours and gigs, it’s not uncommon for you to be side stage or backstage at their shows. You’re just there being so proud of your bestfriends and how hard they’ve worked to get to where they are.

The crowd doesn’t always know you’re there until they accidentally see you, hear you, or you get pulled on stage, which is not uncommon.

Now imagine both groups are on stage just preforming and rocking their little hearts out as usual. And then the shenanigans start.

The dancing on each other, the kissing, they’re running around the stage, etc, etc.

You’re just there watching them, not really being phased cuz the behavior is normal to you, hell a good chunk of the time you join in, or you gay panic, either or.

So maybe you just stay right there at the side of the stage and watch, maybe you go backstage for whatever reason.

Then… one or two of the people on stage remembers, in the midst of their adrenaline high, that you’re there. Just seeing all this unfold, now all of them have much love to give, obviously they show it to you time and time again, so why not show their love for you, their dear bestfriend, on stage?

Either one of them, two of them, maybe a few more of them just suddenly run backstage to get you.

For this I’m gonna say that the two who decided to go after you was Julien and Jo right, it was not long after they had their little moment ( the one where Jules did the knee thing to Jo? yeah) and all of a sudden they just give each other a look.

Next thing you know they’re running to the side of the stage, confusing the crowd and the rest of the members of their bands cuz why tf did they just bolt like that?

The band members are just looking in confusion, until they slowly smile as they see you being borderline manhandled and dragged onto the stage.

Maybe you tried to run once you saw the two rush towards you, knowing what was about to happen. That wasn’t gonna work cuz regardless of which friend it is they always end up catching you.

Which they did, now you, being shorter than Jo but just a bit taller than julien, is currently being tussled on stage by the both of them(When I tell you, you get caught in seconds when you try to run, idk why you still try)

the crowd is in an uproar of laughs and screams, cuz it’s not like their fans don’t know who you are, you have your own fanbase and Munagenius is almost always talking about you, and if they’re not talking about you, they’re posting you on their social media and vice versa. It’s no secret that you’re very close with both of the groups. Hell they may or may not have written songs about you.

Not only is the group and the crowd glad to see you, you’re literally being dragged on stage by a golden retriever and the little one, who wouldn’t laugh?! (Jo gives off such golden retriever energy I can’t,…… I’ll pitch that Idea to someone’s inbox soon) (also they way I just struggled to type ‘inbox’ is embarrassing but anyways 💀)

Anyways all three of you are laughing and shit, maybe they’re tickling you so it’s harder for you to run.

Eventually you get set down and the storm starts, maybe Jo kissed you first? maybe Lucy? Julien??? who knows, all you know is that your friends are showing you so much love, you can barely breath before another one picks up where the last one started.

They’re kissing you cheeks, forehead, nose, chin, neck, lips. And boooooy do you get shy.

It’s not like you’re afraid to show your love to them, you’ve kissed them, cuddled, wrote songs about them, made art about them more times than you can count, and talked about them in interviews. (I also imagine that their bestfriend is the person to send paragraphs of appreciation for them at random, and post appreciation posts on instagram for any of Munagenius’ birthday ( or again, at random, artist! bff is a very sentimental and grateful being that does stuff out of kindness at random, no special occasion needed!!!) and their words are so genuine and poetic it moves people.

AND they just send photos like “ this made me think of you” to let Munagenius know that they’re on their mind, aw, let me get back on track hold on 😭)

Artist bff is also not shy on stage, when they HAVE preformed….. let’s just say people now demand you pay for emotional damages.

YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING TEASE ON STAGE, facial expressions, winking, motioning you finger in the ‘come here’ motion, biting your lip, dancing. Artist bff is a damn charisma fairy

Yet here you are, on stage with Muna and Boygenius, Blushing at some kisses???? Unbelievable.

Maybe artist!bff isn’t that used to their love being reciprocated, especially publicly so they’re just a bit surprised and flustered.

So you’re just getting bombarded with kisses and hugs and little tickles from both groups, and they’re teasing and cooing at you for hiding your face cuz the fucking audacity that you have to have insane amounts of charisma and be a tease when you’re preforming but the moment you’re not the one preforming, you’re shy?

BUT LIKE you’re overwhelmed with love ( in a good way) and beautiful people that just so happen to be your best friends are kissing you, live, infront of hundreds of people. Sit here and tell me you wouldn’t gay panic YOU CANT

I also imagine that maybe they all have a nickname for you, like ‘love bug’ or ‘little love’ cuz you’re the youngest out of the 6 of them and one of the shortest, and while you’re being brought on stage Katie’s just like “ Oh, they got bug.” while smiling cuz they all just love you so much and AHHHH

Eventually you end up hiding your face in someone’s neck afterwards and they’re just rocking you side to side chucking at how cute you are. Mind you the show must go on so they’re STILL PREFORMING throughout the whole thing but you’re a bit too overwhelmed to walk off the stage rn so into the escape of someone’s arms you go.

There’s also new edits and clips on y’all on tiktok now so have fun with that LMAO

—————

That was a lot, I probably didn’t write that well so forgive me I tried😭

🐹🩵🤍

hiii anon !!! first off, WELCOME TO MUNAGENIUS NATION WOOOO!! i feel like tumblr is the proprietor of munagenius nation so i hope we’ve found you well

and don’t worry about sending asks and their lengths, i literally had the time of my life reading this. you guys could send a five paragraph essay and i would sit through and enjoy every minute of it

but let’s get started because I AM SO INVESTED IN THIS ARTIST!BFF IDEA (if you wouldn’t mind pleaaaase further elaborate on this idea because as i continued reading i only grew to love and adore artist!bff more). and i wanted to add that artist!bff not only being a singer but also being a poet can only mean they’re a brilliant lyricist. and since they also draw, paint, and do origami, i can picture the munagenius members having their drawings pinned on their tour busses. and i can only imagine that artist!bff has made at least one sentimental art project for each munagenius members, so they all have artist!bff’s work framed somewhere in their house.

and not only getting to tag along, but also getting to go to all—if not, most—of their shows sounds like a DREAM. i think it’s hilarious though how artist!bff inevitably gets dragged into their shenanigans in spite of their efforts.

and i am indeed a julien and jo girly, how’d you know!!!!! but artist!bff trying to run away…. lovebug did not stand a CHANCE! julien’s got lighting speed and jo’s strong… you’re doomed. and we already know how crazy munagenius tik tok went for jo and julien’s kiss, could you begin to imagine how crazy they’d go for artist!bff—who also has a large fanbase—being dragged onto the stage by BOTH of them????!

and i could totally see the golden retriever!jo idea. i gotta tell you that when you said that, my initial thought was their new hair just cause it’s so fluffy and golden retriever-like (someone back me up) (also feel free to pitch me this idea as well!!!!! pleeeease)

and in this scenario, i 100% see muna being responsible for the tickling and boygenius being in a rush to get their lips on you. like you’re being manhandled by julien and jo whilst everyone is running over to you and they set you down but naomi’s in tickle monster mode and so is jo so you can’t even attempt to get up. meanwhile lucy’s hovering on top of you kissing all over your face and julien’s hands are in your hair and she kisses your head and phoebe and katie are standing above you guys like “☹️☹️i wanna pucker my lips on them too????!”

and may i just say that i am loving the similarities between me and artist!bff. i as well get incredibly overwhelmed by affection (not that it’s a bad thing) and i physically do not know how to respond to it so as a result i get shy. ALSO ARTIST!BFF BEING A POET/WRITER 🤝 WORDS OF AFFIRMATION AS OUR LOVE LANGUAGE!!! it only makes sense!

artist!bff’s lyricism being detrimental to the mentally ills is one of the several reasons they and munagenius are best friends I DON’T MAKE THE RULES!!!!

and hold on a SECOND. why do i low(high)key want artist!bff….. head my WAY! also your descriptions made me think of reneé rapp (off topic but i’ll do anything to bring up reneé rapp sorry not sorry)

i Imagine that artist!bff has so so so much love and affection to give so when the role’s are switched, they’re like???! they’re flustered but they loooove it.

AND THAT’S SOOO NOT FAIR, all munagenius members have well reached maximum attractiveness and if they’re all kissing artist!bff at the SAME TIME, how else are they supposed to react???? but i mean i get it artist!bff’s fine as FUCK sooo

and i could just picture the edits of artist!bff with their face shoved in someone’s neck (i’ll say katie for this cause i feel like she’d be the only one who isn’t laughing in your face about how your cheeks and ears are red and would just be patting your hair). ALSO LOVEBUG!!!!! i used that name a couple times cause it just seems fitting for artist!bff they’re so cutesie

i literally thought so thoroughly about this idea while writing this, i absolutely love it so so so much. THANK YOU ANON this made my day and i love your mind for coming up with this

[anzynai]

Still The Same

Octavinelle Trio (TWST)

a/n: so hello this is my longest fic ever and i’m honestly surprised because it wasn’t intended to be?? not that i’m complaining. anyways, i’ve been wanting to write a fic with these three for a while so i’m glad i finally did. there’s also this thing where sometimes azul cries ink (but not all the time), but idk it’s when things r more intense? and in the beginning, i don’t really know the first thing about business,,, so i jusy used my experiences as a food service employee 😭 ANYWAYS, hope y’all enjoy <3

i did also attempt to make sure the entire thing is present tense, because i’ve noticed i have a habit of switching between present and past tense. though, i’m not really sure i’m liking it, but i’m not about to read through two thousand words again to change it all. i might just try past tense and stick to it.

summary: When they were young, the Leech twins learn that Azul is ticklish. Years later, they’re delighted to see that it hasn’t changed.

word count: 2.1k

——

“I’m impressed!” Floyd, the young moray, beams as Azul explains his newly mastered signature spell.

“It only makes sense that you would be the one to do it.” Jade agrees, a proud smile on his face.

Azul seems excited, which makes the twins both happy, yet they don’t say anything. They don’t mind as Azul rambles about the merpeople who are lined up, waiting to get a contract with Azul.

Well, at least Jade doesn’t mind, but after around a minute, Floyd is bored. He pokes the octopus in the tummy, causing Azul to squeak and close his mouth, tight lipped.

The morays raise a brow. That was odd. Floyd’s face easily slips into one of amusement and curiosity.

“Ah~? What was that? Did you just squeal?” Floyd asked, a teasing tone finding its way into his voice. By now, Azul’s face is already bright red.

“You just surprised me!” Azul covers his stomach, though, rubbing it as if he was hurt.

“Surprised you? Aren’t you just ticklish?” Jade cuts in once he connects the dots. Floyd’s eyes widen like a lightbulb had just lit up in his head and the smile he gives is one of pure joy. Azul’s face is pale as a ghost.

“That’s not it at a-aLAHAHAH! Wait!” Azul starts, but he’s barely able to finish as Floyd pounced and eagerly begins wrecking him to absolute pieces.

“Looks like you were right, Jade! He’s like, suuuper ticklish!” Floyd exclaims, pinching at the chubby skin. Jade chuckles into his hand.

“Yes, he’s very ticklish. I’m surprised.” Jade notes, but doesn’t miss how the tips of Azul’s ears go red. Floyd, in the midst of all the laughter, asks Jade to help him. He accepts, of course, curious to see what spots really made Azul go crazy.

They only stop when Azul begins to tear up and a few drops of ink leave his eyes. Floyd has to practically be pried off by Jade, but all in all, they had fun. Azul couldn’t be too upset, Jade thinks, because he hadn’t really tried to stop them.

Since then, Azul had been the center of majority of their tickle attacks. Even as they got older, Azul would find himself in these situations quite often, only slowing down once the three entered NRC.

Which brings us to the present.

“Is that the last customer?” Azul asks, as two Scarabian students walk out. Jade scans the area and nods his head.

“I believe so. I think it’s an appropriate time to start cleaning up now.”

“I see. You and Floyd can handle that. I will start counting the money in the register.” Azul decides, already making his way to the counter.

“Ughhhh.. Cleaning up is so boring!” Floyd groans, slouching over the couch. Azul merely sighs. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to not want to clean; in fact, it happened almost every night. Still, it was always done by the end of each night.

“Now, now, Floyd. The sooner we do it, the sooner it will be done.” Jade assures him, putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Floyd responds with another groan. Jade takes that as agreement and goes to the storage closet to retrieve the cleaning supplies, handing them to Floyd.

Floyd begrudgingly gets up. Jade wipes down the tables, while Floyd sweeps up the trash. All that can be heard was the quiet lounge music and Azul muttering numbers as he counted the cash.

Cleaning had always been a relatively easy task at the Mostro Lounge, especially with the two of them doing it, so it was obvious they would be finished before Azul.

They walk to the kitchen, seeing Azul seated on a chair in front of the register. He’s almost done and Floyd slings his shoulder over Azul, snickering when the other startles and pauses for a moment. Jade sits at a nearby chair and waits. When Azul is done, he sets the money down and turns his head.

“We have the right amount.” He says, ducking his head to put the money in the register. When he’s done, he makes a move to get up but Floyd’s fingers accidentally grazes his neck and he freezes, eyes widening.

Floyd stares at him for a moment, obviously confused. Jade knows what it is, immediately, and it only takes Floyd half a second longer to realize.

“I forgot you were ticklish on your neck!” Floyd laughs and Azul brushes his arm off of him.

“Nonsense. It’s time to go.” Azul shakes his head, trying to be casual and trying to shift the topic. The thing about Floyd, though, is that once he’s got his mind on something, it’s really hard to get his mind off of it.

“Did you? He’s sensitive everywhere.” Jade muses, laughing to himself.

“Real sensitive, too! I can’t believe I forgot, Azul. Why didja let me forget?” Floyd drawls, putting his arm back up to curl his fingers against the housewarden’s ear, delighted when he scrunches up.

“B-because it’s childish!” Azul defends, covering his ears, which were pink at the tips.

“Childish? But it’s soooo fun tickling you! I wanna tickle you!” Floyd chirped, sending a glance towards Jade. Jade sits up at the unspoken invitation.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Jade recalls, feeling nostalgic. So much had been going on, Azul’s ticklishness wasn’t really the first thing on their minds. Now that he’s been reminded of it though, Jade would really enjoy tickling him. He can tell that Floyd would too.

Azul directs a glare at both of them. It’s hard to take it seriously when his face is flushed and Jade tries to conceal a laugh. “Don’t you dare.”

“Do what?” Jade asks, feigning confusion.

“Tickle me!” And there.

“Oh, if that’s what you want, I guess I can do that!” Floyd understands the second Azul takes the bait, his hands quickly finding their way to Azul’s sides. He kneads his fingers, and Azul bursts out in laughter. There had been times where he tried to conceal it, but they all knew he was too sensitive for that.

“T-thahahahat’a NOHOHOT w-WAHAHAT I MEHEHEANAT!” Azul sputters out, clearly struggling with his words. Floyd had always been the type to go straight for the kill. Jade almost felt bad. Jade gently traced his neck, satisfied when he would see Azul twisting his neck every which way to avoid the light touches.

“It must be difficult being so ticklish.” Jade teases. Floyd and him make eye contact and Floyd changes spots. They don’t want to tire him out too quickly. Floyd begins to prod and squeeze at his hips. The laughter goes down a significant level, but it’s still there.

“Y-you shuhuhut uhuhup! I k-knohohonow your bohohoth tihihihicklish tohohohoo!” Azul cried out, and Floyd laughs.

“Even so, you’ll always be soooo much more ticklish! You’re just one ticklish octopus, huh?” Azul only rolls his eyes, but it looks a bit funny when he’s cackling as loud as he is.

“Nohohoho I’m nohohot! T-This ihihis uhuhunprofehehesional!” Azul squeals, a new shade of red glittering his face when a snort makes it through his laughter. He covers his hands with his gloves. That won’t do.

Jade moves from his neck to his armpits, scribbling. Azul’s clothing proves some protection, but it’s clearly not enough, because instantly, Azul is struggling to keep his hand to his face. Small huffs make it through his fingers and the twins can vaguely hear snorts.

“Surely you can make an exception for your most loyal employees?” Jade tuts and Azul shakes his head rapidly. “I’m sure we can convince you otherwise.”

The twins have Azul sort-of trapped, Jade realizes. Jade is behind Azul, his fingers wedged in his underarms and tickling the sensitive skin. Floyd is in front, still going at his hips. Somehow, the three had found their way to the floor, which had luckily been cleaned about an hour earlier. Still, there was plenty of enough space for Azul to fight back if he really didn’t want the tickling to stop. And yet, he stayed there, letting the twins unleash their tickly wrath on him.

Jade couldn’t help the smile make its way onto is face. Azul really hadn’t changed.

“Jade’s right! After all our hard work, we should have some more perks, you know?” Floyd agrees, moving up to Azul’s ribs. Azul had become much thinner since their younger years, so Floyd could feel the bones. He poked and prodded at each bone, counting to himself out loud. He seemed to linger on the spots that would make Azul’s laughter raise an octave.

When he hit a certain spot on the lower part of Azul’s rib, the housewarden’s arms shot down to push at Floyd’s relentless hands. Jade removed his hands, hooking his arms around Azul’s to let Floyd have a bit more access. Floyd had always enjoyed tickling more than Jade had, even when Jade was highly amused.

“N-nohohoho?!” Azul’s laughter became a bit more frantic. His salty tears built up in the corner of his eyes.

“Yes!” Floyd insists, in reply. Azul does not respond, too beside himself with laughter. Another twin telepathy moment passes and Floyd goes to scratch at Azul’s stomach. The two relish in the sound that erupts from Azul’s lips, a shocked squeal that’s absolutely delightful to hear. Snort after snort leaves Azul’s lips and Jade takes a moment to just��� listen.

“NOHOHOHO, FLOHOHOYD. JAHAHADE.” Azul howls and Jade examines his face. Within seconds, he can see black smudge at the corners of the octopus’ eyes. He sighs. Enough is enough, he supposes.

“Floyd.” He says, loudly. Floyd doesn’t seem to hear him. He wonders how all their intended eye contact works out, when Floyd can’t even hear him when he’s two feet in front of him. Then again, Azul is really.. loud right now.

“Floyd.” He says again, more stern this time and Floyd seems to finally get the memo, taking his hands of Azul and leaning against the bottom of the counter. He has a smug smile on his face, the same one he has when he wins against someone in a one-on-one in basketball.

Azul, on the other hand, just lays down on the floor, struggling to catch his breath. Jade gets a paper towel from the counter and hands it to Azul. The other rubs his eyes, black ink on it when he throws it in the trash can. And misses. Jade can pick that up later.

“Did we go too far?” Jade asks, though he doubts it. He had always been good at picking up the signs when Azul is nearing his limit. Azul groans and shakes his head.

“Did you two have fun?” He mutters, angrily, though it sounds half-hearted. The redness is slowly leaving his face.

“Lots of fun!” Floyd beams.

“I enjoyed it.” Jade says, a knowing look on his face. “And I know you did too.” Another groan slips from Azul’s lips.

“What time is it?” Azul asks, his eyes closed. Floyd is standing up, stretching his body.

Jade looks at the clock. “It’s a little before 10pm.” It was a bit late for them, since they usually retired to their dorms by 9:30, but clearly the trip to memory lane had taken a bit of time.

“Man, I’m sleepy. I could pass out right now.” Floyd yawns and Jade moves to stand. He holds out his hand for Azul to take, which he does, hoisting him up.

“Let me put the money in the register and do one last check and we can go.” Azul says, and the twins nod. They sit at the chairs that always stay by the counter and wait for Azul to finish his business. It doesn’t take long. The three of them walk to the dorms together and Azul clears his throat when they reach his room. Then he pauses. He looks like he wants to say something.

“You two… have a good night.” Jade chuckles. It was clear he wanted to say something about them tickling him.

“Don’t worry. We will tickle you more from now on.” Jade reassures him. Azul blushes, gritting his teeth.

“That’s not what I was trying to say!”

“Really? It looked like you liked it!”

“I.. I— yeah— I mean no!” Azul disagrees, crossing his arms.

“Have a good night, Azul.” Jade says, grabbing Floyd by the arm. Floyd seems disappointed at losing the chance to tease Azul some more, but they’re already walking away. Azul grumbles and unlocks the door and steps inside his dorm.

Floyd prattles on about Azul’s sensitivity and while Jade doesn’t say much in response, he’s already thinking of ways to tickle Azul again. He supposes him and Floyd were the same as well. They both had always enjoyed making Azul smile and laugh.

[shackledaces]

i’m pulling an all nighter and in the midst of said situation i have decided to refute popular “points” that i see people use to say that komahina is one-sided and/or toxic.

(this is my own opinion!)

1. “hajime hates/doesn’t care about nagito”

okay, let’s take lines from the actual game.

as you can see, hajime doesn’t hate nagito. in fact, it’s pretty fair to say that hajime just wants to understand him, and is probably the only one in the game who doesn’t hate him. arguably, the screenshot is taken from Island Mode, but I’m pretty sure you get my point; hajime voices his want to understand nagito in the actual game.

and plus, if you really hated someone, would you be worrying for them like hajime does with nagito? i mean just look how much he cares about him:

even again

and again.

and again…

AND AGAIN…….

… yeah.

okay, i think you get my point. even i’m getting sick of hajime’s unending care for nagito (and this is AFTER nagito’s betrayal, if i may point out).

so it’s pretty safe to say that hajime doesn’t hate nagito, right? great. next point.

2. “komahina is one sided/hajime doesn’t love/like nagito back”

to be fair, this is one of the strongest arguments i’ve seen that goes against the ship itself—but let me try to change your mind if you believe that hajime doesn’t have even the slightest bit of feelings for nagito (i do believe that this point is mainly based on your interpretation of the evidence i’m about to give you, so you are free to your own opinion!).

so here we go!

hajime definitely had a crush on nagito at the beginning of the game.

(ignore the bright sun)

and then, the infamous stuttering:

hajime definitely stutters when he’s embarrassed/nervous. he does it with chiaki when she wore a bikini before Mahiru’s case (and it’s pretty obvious that he at least had feelings for her canonically. love our bi protag <3).

at the beginning of the game, nagito and hajime don’t know each other that well, but it’s pretty obvious that they create a bond quicker than anyone else does in the game. it’s not out of line to think that hajime probably felt close to nagito, let alone had some feelings for him.

it would explain why hajime was so hurt by nagito’s betrayal while everyone else was angry/confused.

3. “nagito is just obsessed with hajime because of his “hope”/nagito doesn’t like/love hajime”

alright, it’s pretty much canon that nagito has feelings for hajime, but another mini argument i’ve seen is that “nagito is obsessed with hajime for his hope.”

…okay what.

slow your roll; who said that nagito was obsessed with hajime? the only thing nagito is canonically obsessed with is the idea of hope overcoming despair. sure, when he said “i’m in love with the hope living inside of you” you can argue that he was sincere about it, but in the way the Japanese ver of the game puts it, it’s actually a cover up for “I love you.” and even if it wasn’t, the exact word that nagito uses (aishiteru) is a passionate love; or even a love built with time.

either way, i thought it was pretty obvious that nagito loves hajime for hajime, and maybe his hope was a strong personality trait as to why nagito has feelings for him, but that wasn’t the full reason — that’s probably why nagito still calls him Hajime instead of Izuru/Kamukura.

and plus there’s really no uh denying nagito’s side of the ship.

anyway, i can’t really think of any other points so maybe I’ll add onto this later, but my point still stands that KomaHina is by far one of my favorite ships ever, if not my otp in general. the friends to enemies/rivals to lovers trope and the “i didn’t understand what love was until i met you” trope is still in my top five.

if you have any points you’ve heard that you think i can retort, then please do comment them <3

as of right now tho idk so

[tiffanytoms]

20 Questions

Okay, sorry for how procrastinator-y I was (no seriously, it's shameful how far I had to scroll, ahah) but THANK YOU to @chiechie97 and @practicecourts for tagging me in this! 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

10 😄

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

*quickly learns how AO3 works* 914,127… wait. Really?? 🤯 Well shit, okay 💅

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Jily 🥰

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Enemy Within

What Are You Doing to Me?

Whatever You Say, Professor

Baby Bird

Right Reasons

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Fuck yeah! I love chatting! It still blows my mind that ppl want to talk about one of my hobbies with me 🤣

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooooo. I think Wickedly Twisted will take the cake, but that ending is still solely in my head for now. Wait, no, nvm, I literally wrote Jily DYING in WAYDTM. Sooo yeah. Probably that.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oo! Okay. Well I’m still gonna write an epilogue for WYSP that gonna be so sugary sweet it’ll spread diabetes, but otherwise it’s probably a 3-way tie between Chicks Dig Scars, Magic James, or Baby Bird bc they all end on the implication that Jily will then ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

*Blinks so slowly time stands still* Yeah, but only if they’re that good.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

*Grins so quickly the world implodes* Hell yeah! The dirty, filthy, wonderful kind! (Idk, it depends on the fic!)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I guess so? Bc RR is based off of The Bachelor 🌹

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yuuuuup. Had one scene ripped off so blatantly (like, almost all the elements) that it honestly put me off reading too many other ppl’s Jily stories for a bit, bc I really never want to put another author thru that. Now I can 💯 percent guarantee that all my ideas and the scenarios are my own. Sucks though, bc obviously I’m here bc I love reading Jily. (I’ll definitely go back to reading when I’m not in the midst of writing 2 stories though.)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve had ppl ask, but I don’t know if they ever followed through!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope! I think my way of doing things would honestly drive someone else insane, soooo I’m fine with going it alone 😅

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Jily 😍

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Well that’s just rude. (I’d never not finish, I’m far too stubborn. Fuck you.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Obsession, psychology, and an insatiably horny zest for life!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Impatience. I think sometimes good things take time, and I’m over here too bored to write the boring bits 😆

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

That’s cool

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First one I published was SMALLVILLE, but I think I had a very angsty childhood day where I wrote a whole scene about how much Harry hated Vernon and honestly it was very disturbingly graphic and yeah. Glad I’m more into smut these days! 😁😇😁

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Aaaah! Hm. 🤔 Okay. That’s a toughie. For my heart and soul, I’d say WAYDTM, bc honestly, I really do feel like I poured all my feelings into that one. But from a purely writing standpoint, EW, bc it just all came together, and I know the storyline is legit, and I feel like I had ppl obsessed with it and it was really nice! 😅

[hello-eeveev]

Honestly think people wanted Orym to have a twist dark past so bad and now that it's really difficult for them to keep saying that they're saying the stuff about him bringing up his grief and also somehow dehumanizing Laudna. Why can't they just leave him be???

I don’t remember anyone saying they wanted Orym to have a dark, twisted past? Especially because his backstory was revealed relatively early on and sparked a lot of sympathy for him iirc.

I can’t really say why people react the way they do to Orym. I’ve come across some people who just don’t seem to like him or Liam generally, others say they like him a lot but idk their perception of him is so very different to mine and I don’t know how that came to be. I haven’t stopped trying to understand, but I do accept that the odds of it are pretty low, and that seems like it may be due to differences in how we engage with the text and/or personal bias (i.e. I am predisposed to liking orym because I relate).

More broadly, I’ve noticed a trend across fandoms that people just really don’t like nice and/or stereotypically good characters. They tend to find them annoying and boring. sucks for me bc I love a good guy (gender neutral) who is trying their best, and I don’t think their character development needs to involve them becoming darker or more corrupt in order to be interesting. I can really enjoy a corruption arc! In ExU Prime, for example, I was excited by Dorian starting down a path of devotion to his friends to the point of near amorality.

But there is very little in the narrative and in supplementary materials that would suggest that Orym has ever really been heading toward a… fall to the dark side, if you will. Orym has always been trying to do the right thing and quite consistently thinks of others. And I’m guessing that some people aren’t intrigued by that kind of story, but they want to like orym or they like the idea of him. which is why I suggested that a character they might like more is Phineas Thatch from Midst. His character checks a lot of the boxes I see people hoping for from Orym, and his arc is full and complete and ties in beautifully with the narrative as a whole.

tl;dr I like orym, I’m not sure why there are different characterizations of him in different parts of the fandom, why are characters who try to be good treated as boring, and you should listen to midst and rotate phineas in your brain for a while :)

[userchai]

i know the eddie fandom can be unkind. for what it’s worth, you’re a major bright spot in the midst of it all. after i met you, i was like “hm. maybe i finally found some of the good people in this community”

but i completely understand needing time away + separation. i’ve been there so many times. take a breather, and remember to be kind to yourself 💛

It’s exhausting lately, I’ve seen so many bully mentalities and I’m cracking. I think I’ve been cracking for a while, I try really hard to support other people and I try to be kind and yeah, idk how to explain how I’m feeling right now, I love you guys a fucking lot, this fandom has helped me through some of the craziest hardest shit I’ve ever been through. I just don’t know how much longer I can take the unkindness and drama, and meanness that has been going on, not when mentally I’m already down. But that being said, you are so sweet for sending me this, and ultimately if I do delete this account I still will be writing on my ao3 so I’ll be around in some way, I just feel overwhelmed immensely. ❤️❤️

[zenaidamacrouras1]

I’ve had a rough month in which I haven’t been able to read much outside of nonfiction media theory, but I started Backhoe last night in the midst of my cold (which may or may not have effected my sleep but it feels well worth it!) and I’m halfway through as of now 🙏❤️😭 God I missed sweet gay little love stories. You somehow manage to write such a wide range of characterizations in your fics that, regardless of the setting, all feel heavily rooted in the same people (i.e. Steve and Bucky) so everything’s new enough to be extremely interesting but there’s also the comfort of your favourite characters being a constant presence. Idk how to describe it eloquently because I have Advil Cold & Sinus brain, but. It’s great. Sorry for smothering but also thank you being my favourite fanfic author. After this I will have officially read everything you’ve posted on ao3; I feel like I owe you money at this point for the hours of comfort and entertainment provided lmao. Hope you have a good day/week/month!

I'm sorry you had a rough month and are sick. Advil Cold and Sinus makes me completely stoned and it is a miracle of modern medicine, but bless you, it's no joke.

I'm so happy you like my sweet gay little love stories! It is never smothering to be super nice and lovely and say nice things to me, by the way. It doesn't surprise me that someone with expertise in nonfiction media theory would find my fics interesting because I think one of the throughlines beyond the sweet sappy schmoopy love is I do a ton of nonfiction research to ground the fictional settings?

I have currently been doing a deep dive into US Civil Rights Case Law for my current WIP and I feel like you are going to really like some of extremely nerdy conversations the characters have about the intersection of policy and popular narrative and public opinion/the value of stories.

Ummm... also I have published over 400k words on AO3 so that is an accomplishment on your part to have read all of that!

[twisted-tales-told]

So, hey, im so sorry that im spamming you like this (really I am but I don’t know who to talk to about this, and you kinda got me into it, so yeah, apologies)

So after we talked about amestia I couldn’t get it out of my head (you really were right about the brainrot) so I did some research, because I might want to change something about the zero fics in the tag thing.

So firstly, I think Amelia and Hestia‘s roles are turned around. So canonically, Amelia is head of the department of magical law enforcement (and voted on Harry‘s side in his fifth year), she is killed one year later by Voldemort himself (or at least that’s the opinion of fudge when he talks about it, because she is like really powerful and it needed Voldemort to actually kill her). In the end we don’t know if that’s because she spoke out about Harry (probably partially) or because she was supposed to take over the role of minister of magic after fudge. Most likely just a combination.

The thing is now, neither of them die in the first wizarding war? Idk, Hestia is not even old enough to fight in it, really cause she’s born before 1978 (but we don’t know exactly when). And Hestia is a character in the books, she takes the Dursleys into hiding with another member of the order in 1995.

BUT I found another article about a different hestia jones. I swear I’m so confused. She is born in 1960? So same year as the marauders I guess and goes to school with them. She doesn’t die either tho.

Anyways I’m confused as fuck. As you may have noticed. But I’m really hooked on how you told me about them (because who am I to pass on mcd) so I’m probably gonna do non-cannon compliant (if you can even call it that since there is like no information about them) i don’t care about canon much anyway.

So yeah. (Please don’t take this as like a correction, I might be fucking wrong still, I just needed to ramble to someone about this, after I’ve spend my morning creating a three page word document on them)

Damn this is amazing proud of u

Dw I don’t care about canon & have such little knowledge of it but this is very cool!!

I love the rambles & look at us we came up with a way more compelling story for them than canon!!

I love them so much & cannot wait to write them into In Our Midst

[garymower]

I didn’t take my adderall today and honestly liked it, I was able to move past an anxious moment or thought without jumping to the next thing leaving the reflection behind. And this way they don’t pile up.

The need for reassurance and validation is much more apparent. I have more empathy when I don’t take the medicine and have more time and patience for things. I am proud of myself for choosing to not take it today. I am not sure where the strength or motivation comes from on days like today. Is it me spending more time with myself? I get excited and feel at peace when I think about doing and taking care of myself. When I want to eat, drink or use something external I recognize I am trying to replace a feeling of discomfort or I’m anxious. I need to slow down and check in but sometimes my mind won’t work or can’t really ask myself where I’m at or what I think because for most of my life I let others do that for me. Looking to them for validation and to tell me if I am correct.

Why do I feel like I am always not doing enough? I want to be always doing something and because doing something right brings me dopamine, worth, that validation and self esteem. How can I focus and be real and make mistakes and learn and be the best all at the same time? I can’t lol. I can do what I can and do my best.

I’ve been doing pretty well in the midst of my circumstances.

I hope I can keep it at bay because right now the best things about it Jake and the things coming up for me about how I’ve been neglectful or mistakes made in our relationship is a lot of emotions and idk. It feels like it clouds what I want or need to do. I know that I need someone I can verbally process with or is that not their job? I know I want to explore me and the world and then anxiety creeps in that I’m 33 and getting older, job isn’t secure yet and who knows what will happen and I have no plans after that, am I even capable of being with one person and being a good partner and be able to fully commit and be able to not feel trapped or stuck or consumed by my trauma and anxiety and allll my disorders and people pleasing, codependency, etc?

When I am flooded and feel like I’m being ripped apart by emotions (when Jake stuff comes up and pulls me in two different directions) I can ask myself if this is something I should look into right now and be gentle and write things down.

AT WORK: zoom out maybe? Since I am so affected by other people’s demeanor, which, why? Sensitive, trauma,

I must remember to write things down. It helps me and then I can work around those things.

On Walker or if someone doesn’t see what I’ve done respond with earnest and don’t need to explain, just say yes and it will get done. Today felt okay, a lot going on and I think I need to talk to friends tomorrow, I didn’t today.

Distraction, nicotine/food/phone, be mindful. That’s all :)

[serenemy]

panopticon as fuck

as a witch she was supposed to be outside the globe looking in. through a series of events best phrased contemporaneously as “playing herself” it had turned out otherwise

but like whyy tho??

why would anyone read a Book that doesn’t spark their magic? why would anyone pay this much attention to a character they actively dislike and engage in complicated ruses to have removed from the stories?

it pains me to acknowledge this could be some form of magic. new corrupt spells from the bad wizard? [any gender can be a witch whether good or bad. but not this person. wizard is synonymous in every way except it isn’t derived from the native tongue of the vvitche, an honor, she had pettily decided, too painful to bestow] lingering remnants of his old ones? or was there another bad wizard in the midst? or some weird wild juju of indeterminate origin and moral appropriateness?

idk

i just know it makes me uncomfortable. i’ve felt its hostile presence everywhere for like two human years. its existence made no logical sense and i used my thusly discredited sense of it to undermine me on other things in dangerous ways. the magic’s been wrong across realms for awhile

magic works both ways with a Book of Shadows. theoretically a powerful enough interaction between pages and a hostile reader could leave even a completed works altered, perhaps irreparably so, and i’m not sure i should go on

perhaps the Board has a point

here is where she is a liar because while she might not have been the only source of dangerous magic—there was at least one corrupt wizard in the region, she had mistaken to great effect for a mundane—in her secret heart of hearts she had known for a long time, maybe all along

she started it

at a minimum, she opened the door

she tried to eat and have two cakes

every propagandist in human history knows you can tell a story and manifest a thing that didn’t previously exist. in a Book of Shadows a story can weave a spell. and she was not solely a witch. she was many other things and one of them was storyteller

of course the risk would be there, in her Book, even if she told herself you’re only writing down the honorable parts and keeping the rest inside in your soul

it is the soul from whence all springs, little mouse

here is the other part where she is a liar

she knew she wasn’t really going to maybe quit either. it was different than expected, less morally pristine, more reckless. but there was still beauty and powerful good in the pages

not all the secret watchers had stained it with malevolence. some touched the works with beneficial magic so lovely it alone justified continued existence in the present form

and the muse was the right one. one she’d learned in bittersweetly painful ways to trust

and the songs still felt true and right and beautiful

as the “writer,” if she existed, it wasn’t so much surprising—

she could argue there should have been warning. the content wasn’t ready. you still as of now haven’t seen the [*BENIGN and] creative place this is going [she was like grrm. but the content was still alive. there was time]

*yinze know i use content warnings. some people love a tragic story. some feel bait and switched when they get their hearts broken by a story they loved. i write both but i don’t trick people. to me that’s a shitty click baity and unnecessary way to get readers

we don’t do jump scares here. one of my central theses as an author is that compelling, exciting fiction, with high stakes, can in any genre including smut be created around moral characters who treat each other in morally sensitive ways and via moral stories that treat their audiences morally. these stories exist, they’re gorgeous, and since i didn’t find as many as i wanted, i started making my own

i’ve broken so may “i swear i’ll nevers” along the way

i’ll swear i’ll never write anything with sex shaming language [guy character calls his sister a whore, a word i promised myself i’d never replicate in any form]

i swear i’ll never write a rape scene. it’s not the worst thing that can befall a woman. for most women, if they really thought about it, it wouldn’t be as close to the top as they expected

so can we get some other storylines?? a lot of survivors have been encountering that one their entire lives and the scenes are really really unpleasant. plus while a lot of the fiction comes from women, the idea that this is the worst thing that can befall a woman is a cultural construct originating entirely with men

the other thing is they almost always treat the event itself as the trauma. i’m not familiar with a single example pre Unbelievable that understood sometimes the worse trauma is the reaction of others. [wrote a rape scene in a romance novel. i think ‘wind river’ is powerful art the existence of which improves the world. because it showed something impossible to tell. mattress girl’s “porno” does the same and should exist for the same reasons]

i swear i’ll never write a revenge story. i just couldn’t conceive being interested. still haven’t watched old boy eg. if morality is your guiding star, it answers every question about how to respond when someone wrongs you. to the extent the genre intends to differ from a “justice” story any “revenge” story i could love would definitionally have to be the former [might have written one. turns out i have a more complicated relationship with those themes than i thought. sometimes the hero’s cause is just but the nature of the remedy demanded by the context of the storylines opens the door for hatred and anger to influence proportionality in morally culpable ways

in my novel i weighed that. the villain received notice. my hero went no further than remedy demanded. if it seemed otherwise the flaw was in the author’s storytelling, not the character’s choices]

it’d be intellectually dishonest to deny i could fail more i swear i’ll nevers in the future. what i can say is two things:

1. i have no such works in progress, in mind, or alive in my head at this time and can’t foresee that changing anytime in the foreseeable future

2. if you haven’t encountered multiple content warnings (as my villain did) you’re not going to get ambushed with content

—as it is unexpected

i’m not sure it’s a good place for an author to be mental health wise to court a cult following of hate readers for a project so experimental they can see the words *of a Book of Shadows no less* being written—and deleted—in real time

can potentially alter its course with their attention

the presence of the observer changes things—in science and in fiction

[there was a reason she’d been telling the truth when she told that prelator she only sought or wanted a few acolytes who were perfect fits for the material. she really didn’t like to lie, even to someone who wouldn’t remember. wait. wrong “character.” nvm, all fiction lies]

but i don’t know. there might be something here

something lovely and worth telling. something sufficiently moral to justify its existence

[sometimes so do all truths]

[32flavorsotbbg]

8.28

So he shows up to the gym this morning? No confirmation just raw dogging a gym plan in the midst of a dynamic shift…

Not great !

I’m going to show up in the morning with no real confirmation. I told him this morning that I’d see him tomorrow so if he shows up he shows up. If not, okay!

I talked to Olivia just now and she gave a big woof to the fact that I haven’t heard from him all day considering I apologized for leaving him hanging this morning.

It didn’t feel spiteful to turn off my alarm. It felt like, “why am I gonna get up for nothing.”

Idk why it feels like a test. It feels like he wants to see if I’ll go on my own.

But it’s kind of a test on both ends.

I guess if he doesn’t show up I’ll definitely get a better feel for where he stands.

Oop he texted and said he’s not going. Yeeps! WOOF dude. But okay. I’m going to leave it be. If I hear from him again, it will be solely on his terms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m not mad at you. I feel like I have walked away from every conversation that has to do with you and me feeling like I couldn’t really hear what you were saying. Maybe not with words chosen but with energy. I think maybe I got caught up in all the words and neglected the message.

I think maybe I’m not really hearing you now, and I’m sorry for that. I think it might be best if we honor your feelings of wanting to be alone. I know that when I went through a darkness, I wanted that same thing. I wanted to be so alone I could taste the aloneness. So I think maybe you need to just let yourself do that. Or, I think I need to look, listen, and understand more carefully and draw a line on what I can accept. Which levels of honesty I can accept. I think I have no choice but to let you know that I gotta step even farther back.

I wish I could separate in my mind the [things we’ve said] from [all this]. But this is a very grey thing. A very finely marbled thing, almost undetectable to the eye. There are flashes of all of it. How it felt to sidle into it, how it felt to kiss for the first time, how it felt to watch you smile………….now. Just mixed right in! Just mixed right in there: Now!

This space is all swirled together with all of my most pure feelings. This putrid, controlled, caged space. This laboratory. All jumbled together with the soft feeling of your face and hair in my hands. Swimming around in your eyes is, “Thank you for understanding.”

The truth is that while I understand, I also don’t. But I am a different person than you and I think that in some important ways we live in two totally different worlds, so I can’t fault you at all. So if you live in the world where the solution to your wounding lies in isolation, I have no choice but to step out of your world. Based mostly on respect but also because I don’t want to live there. I’ve been there. And I think it’s important to have been there.

I care about you and I wish that wasn’t swirled together with the idea that maybe none of that was real at all and I’m still stuck in a pattern. But mixed in there’s the feeling that there’s no way it wasn’t. This is why I feel like I haven’t really heard you.

I didn’t want it to feel like you were stringing me along. I think I couldn’t hear it. Or maybe it could have all been said more clearly or resolutely a lot sooner. Maybe none of it had to be like this. I don’t know.

I wish for you whatever it is that will bring you to your most authentic self. No fear. No soul-crushing attachment. Just you at your core. Fulfilled.

But that doesn’t mean I am going to hold your hand where it’s not wanted. Respect.

[suugrbunz]

Don’t throw your writing away. It’s a part of yourself, something you’ve put time and emotion into. Believe me, you’ll regret it - I still regret ripping up a couple of my journals 8+ years ago. If you need a break, just put your writing aside for a while. Do something else to focus your mind. Things that can help me, when I’m feeling low, are listening to music, reading a book (nonfiction especially), cooking, going out and doing something, and any kind of nonverbal creative activity (clay sculpting, making music, drawing, sewing, knitting). 

I recommend reading a book that’s very different from what you might usually read or write about. As in, if you usually read a lot about WWII, don’t read about that - try something completely different. 

Watching a good film or TV show can be comforting too. Again, something that really helps me is going outside my usual subjects - so try watching something different. 

Writing something different can help too. Maybe just do some journaling about what’s happened in your day, each day. Or write about your favourite memories.

If you read total rubbish on the internet, stop it! I’ve wasted hours reading absolute trash articles and scrolling on strangers’ profiles. It’s not worth it. 

Take care and be good to yourself. If you just sit around or let your thoughts fester, you’ll never feel better. Do something different. It’s basic advice but it can work wonders <3

so basically, me hating my writing for a moment came from a fight with my friend which I'm still resolving. it also partly comes from I don't know what exactly I wish to do with my next chapter and usually i ask that friend her opinion— but we're in the midst of communicating our feelings so I can't just suddenly ask "hey does this or this create a better plot.".

i do appreciate your suggestions but i tend to do all of that already; i help my mother cook because she has a chronic illness (but i love that we get to spend time together). i read physical books because i use them as a way to better my writing but i need to read more. funnily enough, i have to sew the seam of my pants which I'll be doing when my cat isnt around me. she loves to try and eat my scissors or my sewing needle. Funnily enough, I don't read ww2 books. I tend to read all sorts of books. Maybe I'll re-read some mahmoud darwish. My parents only have one streaming service (youtubeTV) as that's all we can afford right now. Which doesn't have anything I enjoy. So, um, if anyone has any tubi recommendations, go for it!

I've been trying to decrease my time spent on social media; i uninstalled tiktok nearly six or seven months ago, i try not to look at Instagram too much but it is my primary way of texting people. Instagram and tiktok fuck me up though. I saw someone with a similar body shape as my own and everyone was body shaming her for being an hourglass figure... it's one thing when porn addicted men shame women; like it's taken with a grain of salt. However, seeing women shame her made me feel so small yk? i need to stop looking at Instagram comments. especially when everyone has such skewed perceptions of body image? i mean i wrote zosa with an eating disorder as a way to vent for me with the hope that a representation of someone with an eating disorder would help someone feel like... they're not alone. um, anyway, I'm getting off track. idk, sorry.

[apocalypticgargoyle]

Hii!! I was wondering if you can write a dream imagine where like you guys are secretly dating and you sometimes post you and dream holding hands but you never tag him so like people know that you are dating someone but no one really knows who and one day you and the guys were talking and you say something like “oh yeah my boyfriend gave me this this and this” and everyone else is all like omg that’s cute but sapnap is over here like “dude dream literally had that here yesterday” but like sapnap doesn’t say anything to you guys he just tells the rest of the guys that he thinks you guys are dating but has zero evidence so the next few weeks they are just trying to catch you guys and one day when they suspect that dream is cheating (when he was actually like asking your mom for your hand in marriage or something) the boys are all like “dude we caught dream talking with someone else I’m so sorry to tell you this” and like you and dream start laughing so hard bc it was your mom and you guys are like “yeah We’ve been dating for like a year now did we not tell you guys?” Or something like “oh yeah did we not make it obvious?” Idk if it made sense 😭😂

I'm ✍️✍️✍️✍️

𝐌𝐎𝐌'𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄. ♘ 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

warnings: one or two swear words

You leaned back in your chair, listening to the conversation unfolding before you. You turned the volume up slightly as Sapnap began to tease you about your gaming techniques. You giggled as others began to weigh in, joking about this and that. George’s voice came in above the others. “Guys shut up, her boyfriend works for Microsoft and can get you banned,” he mocked, making you snort.

The image of Dream trying to figure out how to boil water flashed into your mind. “Yeah, he’s terrifying,” you chided.

Sapnap was the next to pipe up. “You can tell us you don’t have a boyfriend, you know. No one will care.”

“No yeah, I do. He bought me this shirt,” you defended, lifting the hem of your hoodie to show the group of them, earning a chorus of sarcastic cooing. Sapnap’s eyebrows furrowed slightly as if he’d seen it before.

George smugly grinned at you. “Oh, yeah? Does he go to another school?”

You snickered. “Shut up,” you mumbled, the chat switching to a new subject. Little did you know, Sapnap was texting George and the rest of them about his suspicions that this mysterious boyfriend of yours was actually Dream, knowing full well that he’d seen Dream buy that exact shirt a few weeks prior.

You’d been dating him for nearly a year, choosing to blatantly disregard any questions about who he was and vice versa. Most of your photos on Instagram involving him were vague and gave your audience more confusion than understanding. Comments about searching for your OnlyFans to see if they could recognize his voice began to circulate and your friends even fueled that fire.

You weren’t sure what Dream had told Sapnap all those months of secrecy, but somehow it seemed like the t-shirt was the first hint at your relationship. After he’d addressed his suspicions with the rest of your group, it was like a hunt to find out if it really was Dream or if Sapnap was just a few marbles short of sanity from one too many late nights.

In the midst of this wild goose chase, Dream was focused on getting your mom to warm up to him. She was a difficult woman to impress, but he was just as (if not more) stubborn than she was. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, but he’d rather have her favor him over your past boyfriend and there was one she was determined to prefer over him until the end of time. You often joked about him getting close to you only for him to date your mother, which drove him absolutely sideways.

When she visited, he made dinner for all of you and―after studying for a week prior―discussed various books and authors she loved. It wasn’t until he exhaustedly brought up The Crown that the two of them finally clicked. He’d found her “g-spot,” you’d often tease.

After that, they were practically inseparable and he was the one that took her to lunch and sightseeing when she was in town until you got out of school. It was on one of these visits that Sapnap had spotted the two. She was talking Dream’s ear off about something, touching his arm to articulate her points and mockingly appraising him for opening doors for her without being asked.

At this point, Sapnap and the group were certain the two of you were together, therefore when Dream’s voice picked up on his radar and he saw him schmoozing an older woman, his stomach sank. He watched the two of them for a bit, not seeing much change in the way they communicated, but through the glass of the front of the restaurant, he was shocked that Dream was going behind your back in such a way.

That night the group was rather quiet, only a few mumbles from the others would pitch in as you and Dream basically had a conversation amongst yourselves. “So what’s the news. Why is everyone suddenly so mellow?” You joked, making a few of them chuckle awkwardly.

George cleared his throat. “Uh, we have to tell you something…” he muttered. “Dream’s talking to someone else…”

Your eyebrows perked slightly. “What do you mean?” You queried, Dream sending a silent what into the air.

Sapnap sighed. “I saw him with someone else earlier today. They looked like they were on a date or something…”

Dream laughed into his microphone, wheezing as he went about. “You bitch! I knew you were hooking up with my mom!” You joked, biting back your own giggles. You could hear the physical embodiment of a question mark ricocheting through the chat. “Dream and my mom are absolute besties. I wouldn’t be surprised-”

Dream drew in a sharp breath, his laugh making his voice barely audible as he cut you off. “STOP don’t encourage them!” He bellowed, struggling to breathe through his chuckles.

“What’s Dream doing with your mom?” George asked, tilting his head with a probing expression.

You wet your lips. “Since we’ve started dating, he’s been obsessed with being her favorite,” you jested.

“Since you’ve started dating?” Sapnap repeated to the group as if proving he’d been right the whole time.

Dream sighed, catching his breath. “Yeah, I’m at her place right now,” he spoke. “Hold on, I’ll prove it.” You let out a small chuckle as you heard him set his headphones down, followed by his footsteps thundering up your stairs before he was standing behind you. He briefly pressed his lips against yours in a greeting before leaning toward your microphone and sending a “hello from the otherside” to the group.

He leaned his arm against the back of your chair, you switching on your camera mainly because it was just the group of you. “I thought we were pretty obvious like you guys were just making fun of me because you knew it was him,” you stated.

Sapnap looked over his shoulder slightly as if he were listening for movement in his own home. “Wait, when did you leave?”

Dream scoffed. “I’ve been here all day. I literally woke you up to tell you where I was going.” Sapnap furrowed his brows in disbelief at this.

George was clicking away at his computer. “See, I knew I recognized your hands in the Instagram photos,” he mumbled. “I hate it here.”

You smirked slightly. “That being said, my boyfriend does own your guys’ server so he will ban you if you make fun of me.”