#but I think they just have a pattern of responding to people who question their posts

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

[turqrambles]

As someone in a few fandoms where critical consumption is required, it's not uncommon to see people blowing up about shit that isn't even an actual issue with the media just because they want to appear like the better media consumer or something. Being this way about funny portal game is even goofier than what I'm used to though, the most you can say is that a few characters for sure make use of offensive stereotypes but it's nothing to clutch your pearls about (especially with how common those tropes were in kids media at the time, not saying they were okay though obviously). This person is literally making up problems to look smarter. I've seen it so many times in fandoms that actually require critical consumption and it's insane seeing it in a place where it's really not needed at all

Yeah, the thing with those sorts of grab bag "This series is problematic and here's why" posts is that you gotta ask yourself this question; was this post actually made to educate/debate on a problem, or was it posturing to make yourself look so much smarter than everyone else, oh look at me, I consume my media critically unlike the unwashed masses who are dumb and did not see the flaws in their blorbos.

Judging by the way it was written (where there are some good points but also some incredibly wild swings like how the main heroes are colonizers when they're....fighting back against people who have armies and tanks???) and their actions and how they've responded (they never tried to talk to Blue or anyone else who didn't like the post, everyone was just lumped in with "people who are mean to me"), it's the latter.

As I said in tags, I've encountered this user before. I told them that they made a bad point by saying that Glumshanks was antisemitic in one of their older grab bag "this series is bad and here's why" posts by saying that I'm Jewish and no, goblins are NOT inherently antisemitic, they're just often CODED to be antisemitic, and their response was to...withdraw, vaguepost about me, and then top it off with "well it was a game made by a big corporate entity, why are you critiquing me more than the big corporate entity".

They do make some good points! Yes, there are elements of antiblackness in the way Nightfall is designed. Yes, there are some offensive stereotypes in Skylanders like with Double Trouble and Voodood. (Which, as you said, are still distressingly common in kid's media) Yes, the USAmerican hegemony can infect its way into this franchise the way it does with every other franchise made to appeal to a wide audience in the English-speaking world.

They just need to...focus on the things that they actually know what they're talking about, rather than fluffing up each post with these really bad points. Because if you follow up "High Volt is a border patrol agent and that's eww" with "the group of teenaged dragons are colonizers because they "invade" the castle of "bad guys" to "fight them"", people are going to ask what the hell was up with that second point.

[readymades2002]

it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce

[buddyapologist]

sry for all the txt posts but i just remembered that line from stranger things s2 where hopper is leaving a note for eleven that says "i'm not mad, i'm just sorry" and im just. fucking essay in the tags

[redeemingvillains]

the new girl (pt.2) - mattheo riddle

summary: you come to find that keeping your situationship with mattheo a secret is harder than you anticipated.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: suggestive content, 18+, please read responsibly my dears.

a/n: dedicated to the brilliant person who thought mattheo should be italian. i am kissing you.

ˋ°•*⁀➷ part one here

Mattheo’s lips glided over your neck, alternating in a pattern of kissing and sucking that had your eyes fluttering closed as his hands wandered over your body.

“How long are we going to keep this a secret, bella?” he murmured against you without ceasing.

“Mmm, why? Aren’t you having fun?” you responded coyly, your own hands moving to untuck his shirt, to run your fingers over the firmness of his abs.

His body was electric for you and his mind wiped completely at the sensation of your touch as he pulled back to take in the vision of you, pinned against the wall, the way your heavily lidded eyes met his, unwavering, and the way you subtly pouted at the loss of contact, if only for a second before he kissed you hungrily.

“F’course I’m having fun” he mumbled against you. “But I wouldn’t mind taking you to my room every once and awhile, as nice as these accommodations are” he said, referring to the broom closet you were squeezed into.

“I got here three weeks ago and I’ve spent nearly every day since like… this” you said breathlessly as his hands wound into your hair, kissing you deeper.

“So?” he said, in the briefest pause.

“So I don’t want people to draw conclusions… I don’t want to get a reputation.”

“And what reputation would that be cara mia, hmm?” he asked as his hands wound down your body.

“That you have good taste?” he prompted, his fingers dancing over the waistline of your skirt.

“That you like a bad boy?” he continued, his voice huskier as his hand slipped beneath your skirt and you could feel the cool metal of his ringed fingers against the inside of your thigh.

Your body shuddered in response. I don’t want people to think I’m…easy you thought, even though you knew you’d never done anything like this with anyone else, but there was something about Mattheo was simply irresistible, eclipsing your every waking thought and you had a sneaking suspicion he felt the same way.

“Maybe we wait—” you started as his fingers brushed against you, exactly where you wanted them and your breath hitched “—a little while longer” you whispered.”

“Whatever you say, principessa” he said before losing himself in you.

Mattheo was so fucking smitten with you he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He loved the thrill of your current… arrangement… how exhilarating it was trying to rile you up and keep you quiet at the same time as you snuck into broom closets, abandoned bathrooms and the deepest corner of the restricted section of the library to be together. You swore to him over and over again that this was totally out of character for you, that you never did anything like this before, and that drove him even crazier, knowing that he brought out a side of you that simply couldn’t get enough of him, especially because he felt the same way.

But despite the heady cloud of lust and adoration that seemed to carry him throughout his day, he couldn’t forget the words his friends had said about you that occasionally echoed in his subconscious.

 “She’s all anyone can talk about”

“I would take a bludger straight to the head for just a taste of that”

His palms curled into fists at the memory until he flexed and released them. His friends knew better than to run their mouths like that now, but he was quickly finding that only left him with the rest of the school to deal with.

In potions he could hear Cedric Diggory and Michael Corner talking about you, how hot you were, debating again if it was true that you had dated professional quidditch players, a question that kept resurfacing in a way that was beginning to bother him. He turned around to glare at them but when they caught his eye, he realized he had nothing to say and no reason to stop them, so instead he had to sit through the rest of the class nearly shaking with fury at their comments.

Then it was his teammates in the locker room before quidditch practice, placing bets on who would be the lucky guy to get with you first. He slammed his locker closed and stormed onto the field.

But it all came to a head when he passed you in the corridor, you breezed by each other, each surrounded by your group of friends and enough students that the burning gaze you exchanged with one another went completely unnoticed, even though he picked up the way you subtly bit your bottom lip at him, a tell he’d come to know as you being incredibly turned on. It took every ounce of his willpower not to throw you over his shoulder right there as you passed by but then a voice reverberated in the hall.

“YN! YN!” it shouted and he turned to see Seamus Finnegan yell at you as you passed him by.

“Want to see my wand, beautiful? It’s solid oak and 12 inches long!” His comment was met with a host of laughs and jeers from other Gryffindors and you rolled your eyes in a way that made it seem like this sort of thing happened to you all the time. Mattheo’s blood was boiling and he realized he was creating a commotion all his own by the way he was standing still and staring at you in the crowded thruway, his face grimaced and the tic on his jaw evident. Your cheeks flushed at the look of fury on his face until one of your girlfriends pulled you away.

That night in the library, you traced your fingers over the ridges of his bruised and battered knuckles before your eyes flickered to his, doe-like and innocent as you batted your eyelashes at him.

“What happened?” you whispered.

“S’nothing” he said, gently pulling his hand from your grasp and moving to cup your face, desperate to touch you, to kiss you.

“Doesn’t look like nothing” you pressed.  

He shook his head, blowing the comment off and moving closer to you until you said, “And what might Mr. Finnegan look like at the moment?”

“Like he’s taking a good, long, fucking nap in the infirmary with a pair of black eyes” Mattheo said, his voice low and rough.

And before you could comment, he added, “And I don’t want to spend another minute with you hearing another bloke’s name on those lips” as he kissed you firmly, seductively and grasped your face in his hands.

And then you were awash with him again, adrift in the sensation you’d come to crave from him, dripping with an air of possessiveness that had you coming apart faster than you had any time before.

You rode the high of Mattheo knocking someone out in your honor for days. The perfect combination of the way he lavished you and equally had such a capacity for violence excited you, thrilled you.

Your mind was drifting in and out of thoughts of him as you re-applied your lipgloss in the bathroom when you heard Pansy Parkinson and Astoria Greengrass chatting a few sinks over.

“Are Nicole and Mattheo still hooking up?” Astoria asked, catching your attention.

“She said he’s been ghosting her” Pansy replied. “Why, you want in on that?” she joked.

“Can’t say I haven’t thought about it, haven’t you? You heard what she said about him.”

“Gods yes” Pansy agreed. “Maybe send him a little pic, you know he can’t resist that.”

They brushed by you and you realized your hands were shaking as you gripped the sink in front of you so tightly your knuckles were white.

That night Mattheo noticed something decidedly different about you, the way you twirled your tongue with his, the way you ran your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck and sent shivers up his spine, like you were trying to tell him something without words, until finally your hands were on his belt and you pulled back from his lips for just a moment.

“Maybe this doesn’t have to be a secret anymore?” you said quietly.

His heart leapt in his chest, whether at the precarious position of your fingers at the present moment or the words you’d said, he wasn’t entirely sure.

“I’m not complaining, but why the sudden change of heart?” he asked.

You pouted and fidgeted and he realized there was no facial expression you could make that didn’t make him want to do absolutely sinful things to you as he kissed your pouted lips, turning them into a smile.

“Hang on. This doesn’t have anything to do with Nicole and Astoria getting expelled today, does it?" he said, a smirk blossoming on his lips in revelation. "I heard they had a bag of weed and a load of enchanted quills in their rooms.”   

Your eyes glinted as they flickered to his and you tugged him closer to you by his belt, softly biting your bottom lip as you shrugged halfheartedly, daring him to say more.

I fucking love this girl he thought clearly.

“If me spending every night on my knees for you wasn’t clear, cara mia, I am absolutely mental over you. And I’d love nothing more than for every girl in this school to know it, to know that I’m yours. Va bene?”

“Molto bene” you said, drawing the words out against his lips as you enveloped them, the sound of his native language coming from you demolishing him as he pulled you tightly against his chest.

@kenjikishimotoswifey @mattiesgf @sleepiibunniiii @darlingshecried @girllblogging777 @foivetimesacharm @clar2aa @broadwaybaby123 @slytherinscreamqueen @chelawrites @elsie-bells @hisparentsgallerryy @the-sylver-dragon @r-a-c-h-e-l @noodleboyluke @slutfordpr

[xmalfoyweasleyx]

Wildest fantasies - Azriel x Lucien x Reader (smut)

Warnings: threesome (18+!), breeding kink, oral (f and m receiving), multiple orgasms, penetration

Summary: You end up alone with the two males you so desperately want. They try to get your dirty little secret out of you…

You didn’t know how you ended up here. Left with only Azriel and Lucien of all people, laying casually on the couch at the town house.

You lazily sipped from your wine. All the others already gone to bed, tired of the truth or dare game you’ve been playing all night.

“I have an interesting question for you, Az” you smiled. “What’s the craziest place you’ve had sex?”

Az smirked, “you really don’t wanna know.”

“I do! Now I’m curious.” your eyes lit up. Azriel contemplated answering for a moment. “My dungeon” he eventually said. You didn’t see that one coming. Even Lucien’s eyes widened for a moment but he hid the expression gracefully, like he always did.

“Now, if you wanna play it like that, Y/N. Tell me your ultimate fantasy” he countered. You couldn’t hide the blush on your cheeks, making Az grin even more. “Well, that’s an interesting question,” Lucien added.

You didn’t know what to answer, you couldn’t tell it, when it included the two exact males sitting in front of you. What where the chances? The two males you think of when you’re in bed, late at night, pleasering yourself to the thought of being in between them.

“You know my shadows can sense how nervous you’re getting, right?” Az smirked.

“I guess it’s something she doesn’t want us to know” Lucien teased.

“I.. I just don’t have a specific fantasy” you lied. Azriel clicked his tongue in disapproval, “are you trying to lie to a spymaster?”

“That’s not very good y/n” Lucien added, their gazes turned predatory, enjoying the sight of you getting nervous.

Lucien, who was sitting on the other end of the couch had moved, smirking as he leaned in closer to you. His breath but a whisper as he said, “come on now y/n, if you’re gonna lie, at least try to be move convincing.”

Heat started to rise in your face. You wanted to respond but before you could, Lucien spoke again. “Why don’t we do a little confession for a confession? That seems fair, Az went already so that leaves you and me. I’ll go first.”

Lucien pulled away and looked up at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought. Your eyes wondered from his neck down to his slightly exposed chest. Mesmerised by the rise and fall of his chest you didn’t realise that he was now looking at you. His daring gaze meeting yours.

“I’m still in the room, you know” Azriel murmured

Your head shot to Az immediately trying to cover up what you had just done, trying to find an excuse.

“Maybe that’s what she wants” Lucien added and Azriel let out a chuckle as he made his way closer to you as well.

“No!” Was all you could say in protest.

“Come on, we won’t judge,” Az added as he settled in on your side, you were in the middle of the two men you’d wanted most.

“Tell us what you want y/n” Lucien said as he lifted your chin to look at him. His lips now inches away from yours. “I’m sure we can give you what you need.” You tensed as you felt Azriel’s breath against the nape of your neck as his hands moved up your arms.

“Y-you.. I want… I want you both,” you breathed heavily, a familiar heat filling your lower belly. “That’s what I thought,” Lucien whispered, his breath tickling your neck, placing a soft kiss on the skin.

You felt Azriel’s hand move up on your thigh, slowly traveling closer to the place you wanted him. “You’ve thought about it didn’t you? You naughty little girl” Azriel whispered, making Lucien chuckle softly against your neck.

You still denied it, but your quickening breath didn’t go unnoticed. “We’ll make her admit it” Lucien sighed, his hands trailing a pattern under your shirt, his hands moving closer to your breasts.

“Please” you could only whine as Lucien grabbed your breasts in his warm hands, tracing your nipple teasingly. You tried to hide a moan when you felt Az’s scarred fingers slowly tracing the hem of your panties, a finger slipping in between the fabric. “We should take these clothes off don’t you think?”

You could only nodd in answer. Before you knew it you were naked in front of the males. Lucien’s lips wrapped around your nipple, licking and sucking softly. Az already on his knees before you, kissing your inner thigh.

“So pretty” Az mumbled in between your thighs. “Yes, you’re so wet for us, aren’t you sweetheart? Do you want Az to eat you out?” Lucien’s voice sounded whiny, leaded by the arousal coursing through his body. “Yes, I want it” you pleaded.

Az kissed your pussy softly, teasing you more. The pleading whine you let out, makes him grab your thighs harshly. His fingers digging into the flesh.

You moaned out loudly when his lips attached to your clit. He moaned against your pussy, savouring your taste, the sound sending out a delicious vibration.

The spypaster started sucking like a man starved, adding his tongue, plunging in and out of your pussy while his nose harshly rubbed against your clit.

Lucien groaned behind you when you started writhing and whining, making your ass grind against his hardening length pressed against your back. Gods, he felt so big. “Does that feel good, baby? Does Az make you feel good?” Lucien moaned into your ear.

“Yes yes, feels so good, more, want more” you whined. Az’s mouth didn’t stop moving against you. You felt like you’ve never experienced something like this before. The feeling of his tongue and lips against you, while Lucien whispered dirty things in your ears, you couldn’t hold back any longer.

“I’m gonna cum” you moaned.

“Let go for us, baby, come around my tongue like a good girl” Azriel said in between the licking and sucking.

The combination of Az’s words and Lucien’s finger tracing your nipple, sent you over the edge. Your legs squeezed around his neck when you trembled against both males.

You breathed loudly when you came down for your high, but you weren’t even close to satisfied. That’s when you noticed they were both still fully clothed.

“What’s wrong, honey?” Az asked. “You’re still clothed, I want it off” you pouted. “Well, all you had to do was ask,” you heard Lucien’s smooth voice behind you.

A moment later they were standing in front of you, their considerable lenghts as hard as a rock already, resting against their bellies.

Your mouth wattered, they looked beautiful like this. The beautiful brightness of Lucien, and the gorgeous darkness of Azriel.

You smiled up at them innocently when you kneeled before them.

Azriel groaned loudly when you grabbed his cock in your hand. “You’re both so big,” you sighed, licking a stripe on the shaft. You grabbed Lucien’s cock in your other hand while you started sucking on Azriel’s tip. He grabbed your hair in his hand, guiding your head gently.

“Gods… That mouth…” he groaned. Lucien moaned too, carefully watching the way your mouth moves on Azriel. Their affected state made you smile proudly, you changed positions and started sucking on Lucien’s cock.

But it wasn’t enough, you wanted more. You wanted them going feral for you.

The males groaned in surprise when you tried to put both their cocks in your mouth. Occasionally licking their tips simultaneously, moving your tongue in between them.

“Gods y/n, you’re so good to us,” Lucien groaned.

“Can feel Lucien’s cock rubbing against me in that pretty mouth of yours” Azriel moaned, his eyes closing and head falling back.

You tried to rub your legs together, attempting to relieve some tension. The way their heavy cocks felt on your tongue, the moans and whines coming out of their mouths... You wanted them inside you.

Lucien’s brows furrowed when he saw you rubbing your own pussy. “You’re getting needy again arent you?”

“You want us to fuck you, darling?” Az added with a smirk. “Yes please” you desperately cried out.

“Hmm… Let’s see… You first have tell us the truth about that fantasy of yours”

“It was you, I wanted you two. I’ve wanted you both for so long now. I want you both to fuck me and fill me up.”

“Yeah? You think about us when you’re desperate and alone at night, wishing those fingers were our cocks?” Az teased. You nodded in answer.

Shadows swarmed around you and suddenly you were in Azriel’s room, the males staring hungrily at you.

Lucien sat down on the bed, grabbing your hips to pull you closer to him. “Gods y/n, you’re so pretty, wanna know a secret? From the moment I met you, I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I can’t stop thinking about you and what it would be like if I was yours.” Lucien confessed. His dilated pupils full of passion and love.

You’re heart couldn’t beat any faster, the confession making your head spin. But before you could answer him, a pair of hands behind you, grabbed your hips too. Your backside was now pushed against Azriel’s front. He groaned possessively into your ear. “You don’t wanna make me jealous, Lucien.” He seemed annoyed by the other male’s confession. “I didn’t say I would mind sharing her, Azriel, don’t worry.”

You felt Azriel nod in approval against your neck. He nudged your body closer to Lucien again, making you straddle his legs. “Shall I go first?” he smirked. You nodded and tugged gently on his, already rock hard, cock.

You lifted your hips and Lucien placed his tip at your entrance, gently helping you sit down on his length. Gods, he felt amazing. When you were fully sat, you could feel every vein and curve inside you, tocuhing the most delicious places. “Feels so good” you moaned. “S-so good” Lucien moaned too.

When you started bouncing up and down, your head fell back against Azriel’s chest behind you, who had his hands on your hips too, lifting you up and down to move faster on Lucien’s cock.

“Doing so good for us, baby, riding Lucien’s cock like the good girl you are,” he groaned. Az’s shadowed swarmed over you body, touching the places that weren’t already stimulated. You cried out because of the feeling.

Your legs almost gave out already, you relied on the two males lifting you up and down now. Lucien let out high pitched moan with you, signaling the approach of both your highs. You could’ve sworn you heard Az let out a breathy wimper too because of the view.

“I’m gonna cum” you moaned. “Me too.”

Suddenly Lucien grabbed your ass and turned you on your back. You wrapped your legs around him, making you feel him even deeper. He started pounding into you faster, fucking you like the flames that coursed through his blood. “Where do you want me,” he moaned. “In me, please in me, Lu.”

“Yeah? You want me to fill you up? All nice and full?” You nodded desperately in answer. “Yes, gods, y/n, yes” Lucien groaned when he came inside you, the feeling of his warm release inside you pushing you over the edge too. Loud moans and whines of his names filled the room.

Lucien slowly slid out of you, both breathing heavily. “Look at you” he said lovingly, watching his cum slip out of your pussy, his fingers playing with the release.

You almost forgot Azriel was still standing there when you suddenly heard a silent groan. Lucien and you turned around on the bed, seeing Azriel standing there, fisting his cock to the sight of you two.

“You like what you saw Azriel?” Lucien teased with a hint of pride. “I think y/n can take some more cum. It’s Az’s turn now, right? Then we can put you full of our cum”

Lucien sat against the headbord, spreading his legs and patting the place in between them, motioning you to sit there. You smiled and crawled to him, sitting in between his muscled thighs, your back and head resting against his chest.

He gently grabbed your thighs, spreading them open for Azriel. “All for you, my friend.”

Azriel happily complied and crawled into the bed too, his cock resting proudly against his torso. “You can handle another one, right y/n?” Azriel asked, his gaze predatory. “I-I think so,” you nodded, already getting wet again because of the look in the shadowsinger’s eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be here behind you y/n, holding you when he takes you.” Lucien whispered in your ears.

“I’ve wanted this for years now. Dreamed about this pretty pussy. Tell me, baby…” Azriel said, gently placing the tip of his cock at your entrance. “You want it… gentle…”, he slipped his cock inside you and slided back out, you both groaned at the feeling. “Or… hard” He asked, slamming harshly inside of you.

“Hard, I want it hard, please Azzie”

The male complied, not hesitating to start pounding into you mercilessly. “Oh, yes, yes” you moaned out. Azriel’s name falling from your lips like a prayer.

You felt Lucien grab your tits while Azriel kissed you passionately, the tip of his cock ramming into that sensitive spot inside you repeatedly. “So beautiful, so godsdamned hot, y/n. You feel so good” Azriel moaned, already losing his control.

He grabbed your cheeks in his hands, turning your face to the side. “Give our little fox a kiss too, y/n” he demanded. You complied, Lucien’s tongue slipped into your mouth, kissing you passionately, his soft and sweet lips moving against you.

You felt the familiar pressure again in your core. Azriel grabbed your cheeks again and yanked your face back to him. “Attention back here now, sweetheart. Look at me, look at how deep I am.”

The shadowshinger placed one leg above his shoulder, making you scream out for him. It was all too much. To sight of Azriel pounding into you, his cheeks flushed and his muscles flexing. The feeling of Lucien sucking your neck behind you. The way both males look at you like they never wanted anything more in their lives.

“G-gonna.. g-gonna”, you tried but you were too fucked out by it all. “I know, baby, I know, me too” Azriel understood.

With a final slam of his hips against you, you both came. “Y/n, y/n, y/n” he moaned out. Your whole body felt like it was on fire when you came. You screemed out, crawling at his back. Your mind couldn’t form any thoughts except: Azriel, Lucien, Azriel, Lucien.

When you came down from your high, you barely noticed Lucien slipping away from behind you, getting a wet cloth in the bathroom. Azriel gently pulled you against him, laying beside you on the bed. He stroked your hair lovingly.

“You did so great for us” he whispered.

“Carefull” you heard Lucien’s soft voice warning you from behind you, before he cleaned you up with the cold and wet cloth.

A moment later the coldness of the water was replaced by Lucien’s warm body, he layed next to you on the other side, his tanned arms wrapping around you together with Azriel’s. You let out a content sigh.

Lucien kissed your neck gently, you lifted your arm behind you and played with the soft strands of his hair. “You want us to stay here with you tonight?” he asked. You loved this. Your head resting in Azriel’s neck, their arms wrapped around you, tangled in between the two most beautiful males of Prythian. “Yes please” you answered, placing your hands in theirs.

—

[antifainternational]

Hi! There have been fascist stickers around my neighborhood and I have kept tearing them down. What do I do more than tearing these stickers down? Should I contact my country's antifa about this?

Common problem, good question. Here's what we'd suggest: LEVEL ONE: Yeah, tear that shit down. LEVEL TWO: Tear that shit down & talk to your neighbors about it - have they seen them too? What do they think? Are they concerned? What do they want to do about it? LEVEL THREE: Tear that shit down, talk to your neighbors, and replace them with antifa stickers or posters to put the fash on notice that they are not welcome in your 'hood! LEVEL FOUR: All of the above + start up an anti-racist neighborhood watch! LEVEL FIVE: All of the above + when you see the fash stickers pop up again, take note of when & where you saw them. If someone is tearing down your antifa stickers you put up in response, take note of where & when you've noticed their down. Keeping doing this and pretty soon you might notice a pattern - for example, maybe you learn that the fash like to put their shit up on Tuesday nights between 10pm and midnight. Once you've detected a pattern to their behavior, you can do things like follow them to find out more about them or set up a surprise welcome party for them! WHAT YOU SHOULDN'T DO: Contact your country's antifa and expect them to solve the problem for you. Feel free to let them know for sure, but remember that antifa are people just like you who hate fascism and are willing to step up to do something about it, but don't have any more power to do things than you do and are probably as more of a disadvantage since you know your neighborhood better. Bottom line: there's no "antifa police" you can call and it's on you to respond when fascists are trying to stake a claim where you live. Good luck/let us know how it goes!

[whateveriwant]

Hello, i hope you dont mind if i request agian! Could I get TF141 with an S/O who are just super prone to panic attack?

These are not meant to be taken as mental health advice. I'm just playing around here <3

Soap

The first time it happened, he didn't know what was going on. The sudden heavy breathing, the tremors, the loss of speech; he thought you were dying, honestly

It nearly sent him into a panic as he tried to figure out what he could do to help. Should you stay put or should you be taken to hospital? He just didn't know

However, once it had passed and you were able to better explain the situation, Soap was pulling you into a hug, the biggest breath of relief escaping him knowing you were going to be alright

He wasn't “happy” per se to learn this is something you struggle with regularly, but knowing there's at least something he could do to help in the future put his mind at ease

Nowadays he's got the drill down pat, so when he sees the signs an attack is incoming, he's whisking you to a safe environment where you can attempt to de-stress

Oftentimes it leads to him sitting beside you out on a curb somewhere, his warm hand rubbing soft circles into your back as he comforts you through it

Gaz

From the second he notices you start to pull away from him, Gaz is immediately on top of it, deploying a technique he's quite familiar with

“Tell me five things you can see,” he says, unbothered by having to repeat himself when you don't respond because he did not seriously just ask you that right now

But after enough prompting by him, you shakily list out five items, wet eyes darting around the room as you try to take stock of your surroundings

Once you do as bid, he'll continue, “Now four things you can hear.” And now you're starting to think you see where he's going with this

He'll work his way through all five senses, counting down to one, and once he reaches the final, you find that your pulse has slowed tremendously and your tremor has stopped entirely

Afterwards, you give him a shy thanks, asking how he knew that would work. “Simple,” he tells you. “Used to do it with my sister when we were young. It helped her then, so I thought it might help you now.”

Price

He takes the most heavy handed approach when trying to bring you down from such a rocky high. And while some people might find it smothering, you just see it as grounding

“Hey. Look at me,” his order is firm though his voice remains purposefully gentle. “Don't look anywhere else, just look at me. That's it. Just focus on me.”

If he has to, he'll even push a finger against your chin until you're meeting his eye and holding it, trying to focus on his soothing words instead of the anxious thoughts racing through your head

Slowly and deliberately, he'll breathe in through his nose then out through his mouth, guiding you to follow along with his measured pattern

If that's still not enough, he'll then take your hand beneath his and hold it over his heart, letting its strong, steady rhythm lull you back to a calmer state

“You alright?” he questions once you've settled down again. When you nod and assure him you are, he'll kiss your temple, promising, “I've got you, dear. Always.”

Ghost

When he realized what was happening with you, he quickly jumped into action, but in a way that was completely unexpected

“Remember when you first took me out for sushi and I didn't know wasabi was hot?” he asks you seemingly out of the blue. “Ate a whole spoonful before I realized. Burned like hell going down. But that was nothin’ compared to when it came out again later.”

The memory of that night stirs to life in your mind, and through your rapid breaths and trembling lips, you're able to crack the barest of smiles

He continues, “Or remember when I got sprayed by that skunk in the garden? You made me sleep on the couch for three days. Said I smelled like a garbage bin’s arsehole.”

That memory has you huffing out a short, low chuckle, and though you don't notice it, your pulse begins to hammer a little slower

And so he keeps going, distracting you with funny memories and personal anecdotes until all you're doing is smiling and laughing brightly, totally forgetting what had made you panic in the first place

[gottaluvharry]

family

carlos sainz jr x pregnant!reader

summary: your son has a few questions about why his little sister is in your belly, and carlos is happy to explain

———————————

Lazy mornings with your little family were your favorite. You smiled to yourself as you woke to the hushed whispers of your husband and your son. As you turn to face the other side of the bed, you’re met with 2 pairs of brown puppy dog eyes and 2 identical smiles.

“Buenos dias, mama!” good morning mom your son screeched, proud of himself for using Spanish. “Buenos dias baby” you say through a smile. He latches on to your neck and you feel Carlos�� hand rubbing patterns on your stomach. “Morning hermosa” beautiful he says going in for a kiss. “How is little girl?” he asks. “Sleeping I think. She must be tired after all the kicking she did last night” you groan, recalling the many hours you were woken due to the relentless kicking in your stomach. “lo lamento, se amable con mami” i’m sorry, be nice to mommy he says leaning to talk to his unborn daughter. You just laugh and shake your head at the pout he has on his face, guiding him up by his chin to give him another kiss.

“Papa,” your little boy starts, breaking you and Carlos apart. “How did baby get in mommy’s belly?” he asks as he puts his hand over Carlos’ on your stomach. “Well hijo” son Carlos starts. “Me and mommy love each other, and we made your sister together because we love each other” he says, hoping it’s enough to settle your sons curiosity. “Like when you and mommy make pancakes together?” he asks, now moving to sit in his fathers lap. “No, not like when we make pancakes” he laughs. “He is just made out of love, baby. When 2 people love each other so much and want a little baby like you, they will make one. That’s all I can tell you” he says, avoiding a heavier subject. “But mommy, did it hurt when baby went in your tummy?” he now turns to you with fear in his eyes over the thought of you hurting. “No buddy it didn’t hurt” you assure him, ruffling his hair; but you don’t miss the smirk Carlos sends your way remembering the night in question. “So why does baby stay in mommy’s belly for so long?” he asks, now turning to look at Carlos for the answer. “That’s just where they grow buddy. Babies need lots of space to grow and the only place there is enough room is in a mommy’s tummy” he responds. “Oh” he hums, taking in all the information he’s learning. “But how does baby come out?” he goes on, his eyes lighting up when he gets another question. “When he is ready to come out me and Mommy will go to the hospital and the doctors will help her come out” Carlos answers. “But does it hurt?” your son asks, once again scared of you being hurt. “Only a little bit” you say, “but it is worth it because then we get to hold your little sister”.

As your son continues asking questions and Carlos continues tracing patterns across your stomach, you can’t help but smile at the little life you’ve created. Who knew one bed could hold so much love on a random morning.

—————————————

hope you guys enjoyed this short little blurb:) sorry it’s been so long since i’ve posted, there was a lot going on and then i started school but in honor of Carlos’ birthday AND pole today i figured i’d post something!! might clear my drafts out and post some more in the next week or so<3

also my inbox is open, so request anything if you have any ideas! or if you just want to talk to someone, feel free!

okay last thing, thank you all for the support, it’s so special to me to have people with the same interests reading and liking my work, i want to give you all hugs<333

[bamboobooshark]

Hiiii I just found your page and omg I love your writing so much. I actually did get into an argument with my friend, and I deactivated one of my intas cuz of it (long and stupid story) but it was really comforting to read Logan wanting to coddle and comfort someone yk

You can ignore the request if it makes you uncomfortable, but do you think you can write something where the reader doesn't really know or understand what regression is or why they feel this way so they isolate when they feel childish or playful or start annoying people without realizing it and Logan who loves and cares for them starts to miss them and is like wtf and helps them.

Thank you for your writing I hope you have an amazing day.

LOGAN HOWLETT X LITTLE!READER

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ ☁️་༘ COMFORT & CONFUSION : 991 WRDS

<RATING : PG, VULENRABLE MOMENTS, CRYING>

A/N : Just a little note for Anon; I am so heavily greatful that my fic was able to bring you so much comfort. I hope you’re recovering well from what happened. Apologies for taking so long to get this out for you, I always get caught up in spilling and detailing my concepts that end up becoming full fics. I truly hope this fic is what you were hoping for <3 !!Warning for a pinch of angst and crying!!

You’ve been isolating yourself in your room since you woke up. You feel so confused with yourself, with your mind, with your feelings. You press your back against your headboard, legs crossed one on top of the other. You gently rock back and forth while struggling to understand how you’re feeling; why you’re feeling the way you do. Yeah, you’ve got a ton of energy right now. You feel like you’re letting your inner child express itself in your mind, yet you’re holding them in as best as possible. You’re terrified of annoying anyone by releasing those feelings, espically Logan. You bite and chew at your lips nervously as you rock a bit faster. Why? That’s the only question you can ask yourself right now. Over and over, your mind fills itself with nothing but confusion of why you feel like this, why you yearn to be so childish, why you’re scared of annoying Logan when he loves you unconditionally.

You’re quickly snapped out of your thoughts as the man knocks on the door. “Everything alright in there, kid,” he asks with his face pressed to the wood. God, the way he calls you kid only makes these foreign feelings harder to suppress. You choke back your tears before responding. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just feeling a little down,” you reply with a tone that’s involuntarily soft and childlike. Logan raises his brows at the way you speak to him. You’ve never kept yourself away like this, but he’s been noticing a pattern lately. You isolate yourself the moment you wake up, beg him to leave you alone, and then come out quiet and reserved. He continues to press because he misses you so damn bad. He’s willing to do absolutely anything to get you in his arms again. “Please tell me what’s wrong, bub. I promise I’m not going to be upset with you,” he pleads with the softest tone he can force out of his throat. “I mean, I’d be more upset if you didn’t trust me with whatever you’ve got going on,” he chuckles akwardly.

You wipe your tears before inviting him in. The second he realizes that you’re crying, his lips form a frown and his eyes give you a sympathetic gaze. “Hey, hey, hey. Don’t cry, baby. I’m right here. I’m not leaving, I swear,” he scrambles to reassure you, sitting on your bed and pulling you into his arms. You let your cries get thicker once you lean into his. He smells so fatherly. His large, calloused hands make your entire body shiver with comfort. Everything about him is sending an unknown, unfamiliar feeling that you’ve been yearning for. You can’t even begin to imagine what to call it, but your body allows you to relax under his touch. “That’s it, baby. Let it all out. Tell me what’s up once you’re ready to,” he coos as his hands rub up and down your back. You nod against his chest, letting the thumping of his heartbeat soothe you.

You pull back from his embrace, but hold his hands in your own. His touch is what you’ve been needing. Scratch that, you’ve been needing Logan in general. You attempt to try and explain things, but you end up stammering and stuttering. “I’m sorry, Logan. I just — I don’t even know what to say,” you apologize while looking away from him. He squeezes your hands gently and sighs. “You don’t need to apologize, kid. I’ll be here as long as you need me to be. If I have to wait here for hours for you to get your thoughts together, I don’t mind. You know that, bub,” he tells you sincerely. You look at him and give him the best smile you can considering the circumstances.

You take a deep, shakey breath after a few minutes of silence before attempting to describe your feelings. “I’ve just been feeling like a child lately. I’ve had so much energy and excitement and joy for no reason. It’s so confusing and it’s scaring me Lo, it really is. I just want an answer,” you explain to him. His thumb rubs against your knuckles lovingly before he presses a silent kiss to your forehead. “Oh, god, I’m so sorry. You’ve got such a big heart, kid. I need you to understand that you don’t need to be afraid to let those feelings loose around me. I’ll love you no matter what,” he promises while holding your face in his hands so you’re looking at him. You nod gently, eyes glossy and wide from the way he comforts you so paternally. “I understand,” you mumble back, letting that same childlike voice slip. Logan gives you a gentle smile, failing to hold back a snicker. “Well would you look at that. You sound so little, baby. It’s adorable,” he says while attempting to hold himself back from squeezing your face. You giggle softly and shake your head no. “It’s not adorable, Lo,” you protest. Your stomach knots as you allow yourself to slip into this pure, innocent state. As soon as Logan begins to coddle you further, that knot unties itself and becomes a flutter in your heart. “If you deny anything else I say, I’ll have to find a way to get back at you for it. You’re too damn cute to not accept that you are,” he playfully threatens. “C’mere you sweet thing,” he growls as he pulls you into his lap. “No! Let me go,” you giggle sweetly, squirming in Logan’s arms despite wanting to stay right where you are forever. “I’m not letting you go, kid. You’re mine. My sweet little thing that I’ll protect with my life,” he declares before starting to pepper your face with soft kisses. You can feel him smiling like an idiot against your skin from the sound of your giggles, the way you smile, and the warmth of your face caused by him.

[phantom-0-writer]

excerpt from my fic (bio wayne danny)

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Dick asked teasingly, slipping in next to Bruce. 

“I was just telling Danny how having a space station as a base of operation is a tactical call.” Bruce said, pointedly. 

“As if. It wasn’t a good idea when the JL was just the main seven, but after their expansion project, it’s a liability if not a straight out disadvantage.” Danny scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“How is it a liability?” Dick asked intrigued. 

“Whenever there’s a huge invasion or something, where do you think the evil aliens are going to attack first? The huge space satellite with at least a handful of heroes on it at all times, with state-of-the-art weapons and tech, full of information about literally everything worth having information on probably has no external defenses because no one would think to sneak into a space station, seems like a pretty good start.” Danny explained, Dick watched Bruce appraise his information. “I bet I could get in if I figured out how to get to space.” 

Bruce raised an amused brow at him, “You think you could break into the Watchtower?” 

“Easy.” Danny proclaimed, sporting a wicked grin. 

Before Dick could say anything, someone came up to their table. “Danny!” The boy, Dick recognized as Tucker, said with an exaggerated fake surprise, “What a surprise seeing you here. At the Nasty Burger. Around 6 o’clock. Today.” 

“Tucker? Why- What are you doing here?” Danny asked surprised. 

“I was just passing by,” Tucker said, shrugging dramatically. Danny gave him an accusing and disbelieving look. “My, my who are these people here with you, Danny?” Tucker asked, sliding into the seat next to Danny. 

“Tucker, you know who they are,” Danny said exasperated. 

But it seemed like they had more guests. “Danny! Wow, I wasn’t expecting you here. Small world, huh?” Sam (?) walked over preppi-ly which didn’t match her grunge aesthetic. Her hands hooked with Val’s as they walked together. 

“Small world,” Val repeated with a fake smile. The two of them sat down next to Danny and Tucker. 

Danny put his head in his hands, “I should’ve known.”

“You should’ve.” Sam nodded. 

“But you didn’t.” Val chastised jokingly. 

Next another boy comes dashing into the restaurant wearing a basketball jersey. 

“You’re late,” Val says, admonishingly. Tucker and Sam shake their heads, and Danny sighs in exasperation. 

“I literally ran here.” Wes said in between huffs of air, slumping in next to Val. 

The group of teens who had been teasing each other, in a very strange synchronous action, turn their heads to look at Bruce and Dick. Dick was really regretting watching Anabell last night. 

“I think we’ll need more food,” Bruce comments lightly. 

---

“So, dick.” Sam started, munching on a fry. “Tell us about yourself.” 

“Like what?” Dick asked

Valerie (“Do not call me Val.”) answered, “What do you do?”

“I’m a cop in Bludhaven.” Dick was met with four pairs of dubious eyes. Danny sent him a small-lipped look of disappointment, he wasn’t sure whether it was for him or at him. Maybe Dick should look into getting a new day job.

“Write that down.” Sam gestured to Tucker.

“Already on it,” Tucker reported, scribbling something with a stylus. 

“You guys are taking this very seriously,” Bruce commented, smiling. 

“It is serious.” Tucker responded. 

“What if you guys are in some child trafficking ring?” Wes commented, 

“Why would they be-” Danny started, before Wes turned to him and very seriously said, 

“That’s exactly the question, Danny. Why would they?” Wes thoughtfully turned to look at Bruce warily. 

“Y’know let’s just dive into the important questions shall we?” Sam asked her preppy attitude from before gone, replaced by a hard glare at the two of them. It reminded Dick of Titus. “What’s your opinion on the basements?”

“Basements?” Bruce repeated, confused. 

“Well, you wouldn’t be the first eccentric billionaire to insist Danny be their son. And we’ve noticed a few patterns.” Tucker informed them as if they were talking about something completely normal and mundane. Though, Dick couldn’t really argue. Bruce was also an eccentric billionaire with a secret basement. 

“Well, we have a basement,” Dick said hesitantly. “Does that dock us points?” He asked Tucker, half-joking, half-concerned. 

“Tentative.” 

“So what do you do in your basement?” Wes asked, sipping on a milkshake. 

“Normal basement things.” Dick lied. 

“Such as…” Valarie implored, eyes suspicious. 

Dick hesitated thinking about what to say. Bruce hadn’t said anything either. But Danny took the time to tell his friends, “Guys I really don’t think that should be a problem. I mean, would someone like Vlad really go for the ‘let’s have dinner so my family can meet your family and we can get to know each other’ approach when the ‘let me drug and kidnap you and stick you in a cloning pod’ approach was right there.” 

His friends seemed to consider this before they all nodded and agreed. 

“Vlad Masters drugged and kidnaped you to put you in a cloning pod?” Bruce asked, concerned. 

“No,” Danny said, offhandedly, not bothering to elaborate. Someone should really look into that guy. 

“O-M-G, is that Paulina?” Wes said pointedly, a menacing grin on his face as he looked at Danny, who in turn looked alarmed.

“Aw, Danny you should go say ‘Hi’.” Tucker cooed, teasingly, Danny groaned, his ears flushing in embarrassment.

“Guys, stop.” Sam said finally, “We wouldn’t want another spoon incident.” A grin cracked on her face. Danny buried his face in his hands. 

Dick looked over to see who they were talking about. There were two girls, one was a blond girl with her arms hooked around Kwan from The Mall, and the other was a darker skinned girl wearing a pink crop top. Dick wasn’t sure who Paulina was, but it didn’t really matter, as he took his chance to tease his brother. “You have a crush on Paulina?” He asked teasingly. Bruce is smiling next to him. 

“No.” Danny denied it fervently. “I mean- I did. Like forever ago. But not anymore.”

“He’s since moved on to more attainable targets.” Tucker nodded. Received a smack from Sam and a spoon to the face from Valerie. “Ow. What? It’s true.” 

“Y’know what they say. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.” Wes added with a snicker. 

“Wes,” Danny groaned at the same time as Sam and Valarie hissed his name. 

“I sense a story.” Bruce commented, sipping his drink. 

“It all started when we were fresh little freshmen. Danny had his little crush on Paulina. I was just trying to get by, y’know. Not all of us have Wayne genes.” Tucker started pointedly. 

“What- we didn’t know about that till this week.” Danny pointed out. 

“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t there, dude.” Wes spoke up. Sam and Valerie stayed suspiciously quiet. Dick’s smirk only grew. 

“As I was saying, we’re just doing normal freshman things, when Sammy here,” Tucker points to Sam with his head, “starts crushing. Big time.”

“It was not that bad.” Sam points out. 

“It was, in fact, that bad.” Tucker said, looking at Bruce and Dick, “But at the same time Danny and Val have a little enemies-to-lovers thing and then they both start crushing on each other. And they dated for a while, but then they broke up cause Val had a lot on her plate at the time. Danny was all mopey and heartbroken. And then Sam swoops in like his little knight in glowing armor, then they start dating. And all the while I’m here single and alone.” Tucker shakes his head mournfully. 

“I was not all mopey and heartbroken.” Danny defends himself. 

“You so were dude.” Tucker says.

“Yeah.” Sam agrees. 

“But then Sam and Danny decide that they’re better off as friends because Danny kinda had a lot to deal with. And now we’re all best friends.”  Tucker concluded, cheerfully. 

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, huh, Bruce.” Dick says slyly. Bruce huffs. 

“Then what about the spoon incident?” Bruce asked. 

“Oh, that was back when there were a lot of ghost attacks, and the school had my parents come in to run security. And this one time we were having lunch outside, and they just showed up out of nowhere. And I got kinda spooked and…” Danny’s voice trailed off into a mumble, and Dick couldn’t catch the last bit.

“Sorry, what was that?” 

“He said he swallowed a spoon.” Wes spoke up. 

“What?” Bruce asked, alarmed. “Are you okay?” 

“Oh yeah, I got it out.” Danny waved dismissively. 

“How?” Dick asked, confused.

“Uh, I just did.” He waved again. Before Dick could ask any more questions, someone else decided to show up.

“Oh good, I thought I missed you guys.” Another red-haired boy showed up. “Hi, I’m Adam, Wes’s brother.” Dick recognized the accent the boy had. He stuck out a hand for Dick to shake.

continue reading (ao3)

regular boy: daniel wayne - chap 9

[genderqueerdykes]

hi, im very sorry if this is a strange thing to ask

ive been struggling with schizophrenia since adolescence and i really cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. i feel so alone and isolated and i don't really know what to do with myself anymore. living feels like a chore.

does it ever get easier/better? seeing people who are a lot older than me with schizophrenia gives me a lot of hope but i hope things won't always feel this dire. :(

again i'm very sorry if this is weird, thank you so much regardless

hey that's not a weird thing to ask, i actually felt the same way when i was diagnosed!

the thing about schizophrenia is it's so hard to find emotionally neutral information on it. everyone wants to make it out to be the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to you. when i got diagnosed, i remember the chills running down my spine. i remember sitting in that psych hospital, reading a poster on the wall about schizophrenia. i sat there thinking that my life was over, that i was destined to be miserable

things were hard while i was finding the right medication for my psychosis. my emotions were all over the place. i could NOT sleep. insomnia has always been a huge issue for me ever since childhood. i was miserable. i was constantly dealing with delusions- for me, delusions affect me a bit more than hallucinations do. i felt depressed and agitated all at once. it took trying a handful of antipsychotics (risperidone, geodon, zyprexa, abilify and seroquel) before i found the one that works the best for me. for me, it's seroquel, and it has actually give me a much better lease on life!

my thinking isn't anywhere near is scrambled. i don't experience anywhere near as much catatonia. i sleep pretty well, and i stay asleep. my hallucinations are still there, but much more tolerable. when i'm dealing with delusional thinking, i'm able to double bookkeep and keep myself in check. i can stop myself if i start going down a spiral of over analyzing patterns. i can work myself down from the edge of fear when im terrified that my apartment is bugged, or something like that. i'm not constantly terrified that my neighbors can hear my thoughts

it does and can get better for many of us! i'm definitely doing far better now than i was after i got diagnosed. this will be different for everyone, of course, so if you don't respond to medication, don't give up. there's nothing wrong with being like this. you're not responsible for how your brain is wired. your brain is just like that. my psych meds provider explained to me that i will likely experience most of my symptoms to some degree or another for the rest of my life, and that it's not something to dread, but rather, something to approach as it happens. kind of like regular health maintenance. you drink some extra water when you have a headache. you take care of yourself when you have a bad psychotic episode. that kind of thing

if you ever need help feel free to ask questions! schizophrenia isn't all doom and gloom. it gets easier when we find ways to cope with what we're constantly being presented. i would say taking the time to learn about how your schizophrenia manifests will help you feel a bit better. yours will be different from mine, you will have different needs than me. it's okay to acknowledge what those needs are.

schizophrenia isn't a death sentence, it's just how some brains are wired. take care of yourself!

[georgiapeach30513]

How I'm Looking At You, Part 2

Summary: so many secrets

Pairings: Ari Levinson X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  conversations about sex, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 6.3K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

You walk towards the clothes section of the store. Having to make sure that there wasn’t anyone watching you, especially him. You swear his intensity broke you out in a sweat. He is the cause of your clammy hands, and you still haven’t come down from the car ride. You’d sent him on a mission with a list to get some things you needed, and you are on a separate mission. One that you didn’t want to get caught doing. You figured you could shoo him away while he gave you his card and you could pay.

Yeah, of course that makes more sense in theory, but you’d be willing to try to get him to trust you enough. Your eyes look over the different colors, patterns, materials, and shapes. All the shapes. What did it mean? Being at this store where there is food, nobody would ever question why someone dressed like you was here. People from your community just didn’t usually venture to this section, but would Ari? No. For some reason you think Ari would keep a lot of secrets for you.

Ehh, that didn’t sound good. You have secrets now. Secrets with Ari. You smile, grabbing up a pack quickly. You have secrets with Ari. And what did it all mean? He mentioned pleasure. Which is a sin. Pleasure of what? The flesh? You’d heard that before, but aren’t sure what it means. Something you aren’t supposed to do. But with Ari it seems — welcome? Unwelcome? No, it was welcome. It made your heart beat funny, but you liked it.

And what did that even mean? You feel tingly all over, and it was all you could do to bolt out of the truck and create some space between the two of you. What are these feelings? Why did all that happen? That was all new, and it felt like you couldn’t control anything, especially your body. But you couldn’t even control the way you’re speaking.

“Is that what you’re choosing for me to buy for you?” It is him standing there like a walking sin mixed with a brick wall, complete with a big beautiful smirk on his face as he lifts up the pack. “Or are you just needing new panties?”

Your eyes go wide as you look at the floor, and shake your head. Heat radiates all over your body, pooling in your cheeks, and your panties. Every time you get around him there’s definite heat streaming from your belly to your nether regions.

“Surely these aren’t the type of panties you wear under there?” You shake your head no, still refusing to look up at him. Ari grimaces. He’s not used to being around a woman so timid. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. But do you really think you should go with thongs? And a pack of them? If you want panties I can order them for you online, no one would have to know.”

“Online,” you respond dumbly for reasons you just don’t understand. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t want people to know you wear these kinds of underwear?” You shake your head no again. His boots are dirty. That’s all you are learning from where you’re looking. Dirty boots. “Can you look at me? I won’t bite,” it feels like you’re swallowing swords as you gulp, and lift up to look at him. “There, now are these the panties you want me to buy you?”

You nod your head, eyes flitting around the store, and thankfully there still wasn’t people around. “Are these what you really want?” You shrug. You really had no clue. Anything had to be better than the non elastic nonsense you are wearing. “Do you need them right now?”

“Not really, but…”

“Okay, I’ll get some here, and if you want me to pick you out some to have delivered to my house, I can do that.”

“I can’t take them home,” Ari grins, and turns to walk back to the packs of panties, while you nervously watch around. “What are you doing?”

“I feel you jumping into thongs, while they’d be very sexy on you, especially if I was the only one who knew what you have hiding under that dress,” Ari clears his throat, drifting through the selection before grabbing a pack. “Thongs are a big step. Let’s do baby steps with bikinis, yeah?”

“You won’t say anything?” He shakes his head no, tossing them into your cart, and yawns. “We should be getting back, um…”

”You go onto the truck. It’ll be our secret,” you are getting a lot of secrets between you and Ari. You’re not even sure if this is a good or bad thing. But you like having secrets with him. And you know you shouldn’t.

“Shh, don’t tell anyone,” he grins as you trot away. He feels slightly guilty. Only a little teeny tiny bit. He’ll buy you every pair of panties that you want him to, as long as you show him. Maybe even one day have you modeling them for him. Or even better, let him push them into your mouth, so you don’t get to loud when he’s fingering you.

“Sir!”

Ari looks up at the cashier. How did he even get here? He was just in a world of his own thinking about you being all submissive and wet for him. So wet. So incredibly soaked for him. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Didn’t you come in with that Amish woman?”

“No,” he answers too quickly as she scans the pack of panties. He would never be buying you anything here again. You deserve the best. Silk, satin, lace. Not those. She starts scanning again, continuing to focus her eyes on him. You deserve specialty panties. Always the best.

“You know that they don’t integrate people like us into their world, right?”

“You know you should really mind your fucking business and just ring up my shit,” the girl looks back down at the items, shocked that Ari was so blatantly rude. But she is the one that was rude. How dare she ever say something about you. She didn’t know you at all. So far you had shown to be timid, yes. But you are different.

She could say what she wants about your community, but not you. You are perfection in a too large frumpy dress that he couldn’t see your curves, and he salivates knowing that nobody has seen those curves. Touched those curves. Kissed those curves. Gripped them so tightly as you come undone for the first time.

You were just looking at panties. You had a curiosity that was going to end up killing him, and he didn’t care. He wanted to nurture that side of you. Keep you growing with secrets that are just for him. Plus you are sweet, so so sweet. You probably taste sweeter. You didn’t belong here, but as long as you were here, he would respect that. And he would be here with you.

“Thanks,” he says, handing her his card. “And next time you should really think about things that you say to people. Don’t act like people’s differences aren’t beautiful.”

“Ari!” You giggle, turning back around from the sink as he walks in again. Smiling ear to ear as he walks past the kitchen. “Quit coming inside. Do you not trust me?”

“Oh, I trust you. I just have to make sure you’re doing your job right, and,” he presses a finger up against your mouth, shushing you in the process. “I need some water. So carry on,” he keeps his eyes on you as he fills a glass with water. His mouth continuing to keep a smile, while you try and give a stern look towards him.

“Darling, you have so much work to do,” he says playfully, but you don’t want to take your eyes off the tall man. “Or, we could make it an early day.”

“And do what?” He is always saying things like that, not realizing that you didn’t grasp exactly what he means by that.

He shrugs, leaning back against the counter. He puckers his lips out, and looks up at the ceiling contemplating. “What do you do for fun?”

“Fun,” you awkwardly laugh a second, but it falls quickly. When was the last time you actually had fun? What are your hobbies? Something that made you, you. The bigger question is when were you allowed to have an identity that didn’t fit the mold of everyone in your community, “Hmm…”

“It should not be this hard,” he doesn’t make fun of you, he stares at you gently. It’s comforting that he isn’t judging you by decisions that were made for you, “Do you not get to have fun? Do you read? Go cow tipping? Swimming? Anything?”

“I read the Bible,” his thick finger scratches his beard for a second, staring out in thought. “We don’t tip the cows, and when I was little my dad took me fishing, but I didn’t really have friends. And there’s always so much to do on the farm, not a ton of time to do leisure activities.”

“Oh, honey,” he stands up straight, walking over to you with his arms spread out, and you gaze up at him confused. What is this gesture? “Come on, give me a hug,” you shake your head no, trying to busy yourself with the lunch dishes. “Yep. Bring it in. You now have a friend.”

“Men and women shouldn’t engage in suspicious behavior inside a house. People could think we’re being unpure.”

“And what would you know about that?” He cocks up an eyebrow, and suddenly you feel so small. You know nothing, only what you have just said. What exactly did men and women do together that is unpure? “Darling, if we were being unpure, you would not be as quiet as you’re being right now. Our clothes are on.”

“What?” You glance up at him quickly, brows furrowed. He’s such a strange man. You couldn’t quite figure out if he was joking or being truthful the majority of the time.

“Sweet summer child, if you don’t want a hug, you can say that. But if you do, and you’re just worried about what other people will say, let me know. I’ll know when to back off. They’re out on the east field and on the other side of house if that makes a difference,” it kinda did. You look towards each of the windows that are in the kitchen before very awkwardly pressing up against Ari. Another secret.

“Omph,” his arms pull you in closer. Holding you in both a soft, and still dominant way. His head rests on the top of your head, and even though he’d been outside working, he smells nice. Too nice.

“Now, isn’t this nice? Do you want to read? I could get you some books and…”

“I couldn’t take them home,” he pulls apart from you too quickly as he stares at you curiously again. It’s summer and hot, and still you want his warmth, but his curiosity is too cute to look away from. It’s a habit he has, and you don’t know how to feel about the way he observed you. No one has ever done that. Does he understand the way that he makes you feel? There are always so many questions rummaging through your mind when you’re around Ari.

“Hmm, I have a bookshelf here. Built it myself. And you could keep the books you can’t have at home there, and we can make this a fun little morning routine,” what is this man going on about a morning routine? “You’re here to fix my breakfast, shouldn’t you eat, too?”

“Oh,” you hadn’t thought about that. Would it be proper? No, but it is the polite thing to do, so he’s not alone. He isn’t how you expected him to be. “Are we…is this a friendship?”

“This is exactly a friendship!” Ari snaps, and you take a timid step backwards. “Sorry, no, I’m just excited you get this. We’re friends, right?”

“Well you did buy me underwear,” he purses his lips. Staring at oddly, and you start giggling. You have a sense of humor, and it’s one thing he honestly admires. Every now and then little jokes weasel their way into your conversations.

“You just made a joke,” still laughing, you nod your head, missing his face going serious. “Do they fit? If you need me to check and see if they fit, I can.”

“Are you asking to see my panties?” He is an odd man indeed. “Is this a normal thing where you come from? And if I show you mine, are you going to show me yours?”

His hand wipes across his forehead, and you think he’s feeling the uncomfort that you have felt around him. Not an uncomfort that makes you want to run away, but one that makes you want all the things he talks about. Even if they scare you. “I wouldn’t say it’s something that everyone does out on the streets, but friends can become very close. And sure, if you want to see my underwear, I can arrange that for you.”

“So yes, you want to see my panties?” He nods his head, and you’re unsure how to respond. You like being around Ari. Love it actually. He is very odd, and yet entertaining. He actually talks to you instead of averting his eyes. He cares about what you think of things, and wants you to have fun and have hobbies. Men in your life weren’t like him, or look like him, “Maybe another time though?”

“Is there something wrong?” You shake your head no. There isn’t anything wrong currently, but the longer he stares at you the more you feel that weird creeping heat bloom in your belly.

“Your farmhands are outside. They’re not my friends,” you hope he understands what you’re saying because everything inside of you is screaming that you don’t want them to know what you are wearing under your dress, or worse, see it. You’d be ruined, and your family.

“Ahh! How could I be so stupid. Okay, I will buy you some books, okay? Fill up the bookshelf. I’m sure my sister has some recommendations for you to read, and we can — I don’t know, have a regular routine, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. Our secret, right?” Add another one. But breakfast with Ari, both of you reading, and conversation is minimal sounds nice. Domestic even.

“Right. Our secret. I’m gonna just go — you know, go work,” he really needs to. He’s been in here for far too long and people will wonder exactly what is up with him being around. Friend. Friend Ari. You like it.

He is going to get you books to read, and you could have a real hobby. Learn things about his world. It sounds fascinating from what little you have heard from him. You liked him. He makes you smile, and laugh. Sometimes you forgot what it was like to laugh. You were out at the general store all alone, and left to listen to those girls talk about your lack of a husband. This is comfort. And he didn’t care that you are single.

You’re unsure of how you were able to make this situation comfortable, but you did. Hmm, you have something to look forward to, and make more money. And you have a friend. Even if he is odd. He’s nice to look at, and he makes you feel…

He just makes you feel. Feeling in a world where you’ve been taught to repress all of that. It’s freeing.

Ari takes a look back at the house, and then to the horizon. It is hot. Too hot. And he can see your silhouette as you do something in the house, and he isn’t there with you. He has this pull towards you. You need teaching. He is the perfect teacher, even if he is struggling to pull the reins. He enjoys you. He didn’t dislike Jacob and the other two that he can’t be bothered with knowing their names.

But you are a completely different thing. You encompass every part of his thinking, and he is excited to wake up knowing that you are going to be here, and he gets to see you! It’s amazing to think about the fact that he has you everyday. Here in his home.

He has never been a man that cared about domestic life or having one woman or children. But even he has to admit the appeal to seeing a beautiful woman in his home on a regular basis. You have only come for a couple of weeks, and it’s a nice touch to his home. Even if there’s a small part of him that loathes the way that the women are treated here.

You thought that what you are doing right now was what you were designed to do. You had no hobbies of your own, but thanks to him, you enjoyed reading. He even caught you reading instead of ‘doing what you’re supposed to be doing’. He wants you to have a fulfilling life. And he suspects with you slightly pulling away from the life you were brought into that you feel the same way. And if he has to be the one that helps you, so be it. He’ll do what he needs to. Maybe more hobbies.

Ari stands up straight, wiping the sweat off his brow as he looks towards Jacob who steadily works. “Boys, let's call it a day.”

“Work’s not done,” Jacob continues to sow the seeds, and Ari grimaces. He didn’t care. He wants the day with them here to end. He wants private company with you, “We need the money.”

“Your pay won’t reflect the early time off,” all three of the young men stand up, gawking at Ari, and looking amongst themselves. “It’s too hot. We’re ahead of schedule. Take the rest of the day off,” they linger. Unsure if what Ari is saying is a test. He wants to shout for them to leave, but that approach didn’t seem to help.

“Do you guys go swimming somewhere? Or do anything for fun?”

“I went to a barn raising one time,” now Ari is the one that gawks at his employees. “No. We don’t.”

“Okay. Here,” reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a hundred dollar bill each handing it to the boys. “Go spend some money. This is a bonus. Just go home. Have fun. Go. Leave,” the youngest one, Joseph or Daniel or Jedidiah, walks off first, and the others join with him. “Thank you,” he whispers before turning towards the house. You could have the rest of the day off with him, and he could learn some more things about you.

Waiting for long enough for the workers to leave, he walks into the house. Slinging the door open wide, and you yelp. Running to the front door and see him smiling. “Are you okay? What happened? Is everything okay? Why are you smiling? Ari?”

Slowly he closes the door, but his smile remains. “Do I need to get you something? Are you coming down with anything?” He shakes his head no, removing his work boots. “Well, I haven’t even started your dinner, so if you could go back outside and work, I can get started.”

“Don’t worry about dinner,” you didn’t understand. He called you in to do a job, and now he isn’t allowing you to do your job. You ponder that thought a moment, watching as he walks towards his bedroom. “It’s very hot today,” you agree. It is stiflingly hot. It is days like this that make you thankful that you are the woman. “And you are in here all alone.”

You like it that way. It has given you time to think, and with your current predicament you need that time to think. His books he’s given you have left you with more thoughts, and imaginations. Oh. You gulp as Ari steps back into the main area of the house. Gone are his work clothes, and now he’s showing his legs. Long and toned, and you bite your lip trying to keep any unwanted sounds from appearing. He has that effect on you.

“About dinner.”

“Don’t care about dinner,” he is too quick for you. The men in your community didn’t look like him, and they didn’t behave like him either. They never searched for a friendship with a woman. They just have them to expand their legacy with children. Secretly hoping for a male heir so their family name lives on. “We can pick something up in town later.”

“We?” The idea is scandalous, but not unwanted. There are very few times you wished you were a woman of the world, but there’s something appealing about riding around in the truck with Ari. There has been the idea of asking him to buy your normal clothes, so maybe nobody would recognize you. You had random imagines about being a girl he actually wanted, and one that looked like she belonged in his truck. That had to be where the funny feeling in your — belly is coming from. Those imagines of his hand holding yours.

“It’s hot,” you give him a nod, he’s already said that. You had heard about the English speaking in round about ways, and right now you wish he would just be completely honest about what it is he wants instead of beating around the bush. “There’s a swimming hole way back behind my house. Care to join me?”

“I can’t swim.”

“I can teach you,” he could teach you a lot of things, but maybe swimming is a great place to start. Ari doesn’t care about the rules, the two of you have broken so many, so he just wants to see how far he can go.

“What would someone wear swimming?” preferably nothing, but that would take things way too far for you. He doesn’t even know how to respond to that because all he can envision is you in those panties he bought you that he hasn’t given you, and a bra. Again, he hasn’t given them to you, and he thinks it might be weird if you knew that he’s bought you various kinds of lingerie. “Ari?”

“There are suits. All the important parts would cover you.”

“Important parts?” Dammit. He needs to start thinking before he speaks. “So what is exposed?”

“Legs, arms, and,” you shake your head no. You couldn’t possibly show so much skin especially around a man. “Okay, how about you just go to the swimming hole with me, and I’ll swim, and you can decide what you want to do from there?”

It didn’t sound too bad. In fact sticking your feet into cool water, while you sit down and enjoy the sun makes you smile. You read about kids that played around a river. Maybe not in it. Being able to just be present and enjoy a moment of nothing never happens. You don’t really slow down in this life. “Okay,” this could be a big mistake, but you want to do it. You want to spend extra time with Ari. “I would like that,” he smiles, and you feel fuzzy again, but nowhere that you have ever felt before. Well, before Ari.

You’d noticed he really likes it when you voice your opinions to him. In this world you didn’t get to have an opinion, your husband did. But he cares about what you like, and what you don’t like. Seeing him smile makes it all worth it, and still you wonder what is happening to areas much lower than your belly. Being around him you always have that fuzzy feeling in your stomach, but when he smiles it's in unmentionable areas, and you just don’t understand. But you didn’t hate it either.

“Amazing,” he extends a hand out towards you, and you’re too tempted not to grab it, and he leads you out the back door.

“You’ve done amazing work out here,” his hand pulses around your own, and you look up at him, and he’s smiling again. He likes simple praises, you’ll do it more often, “You’re much taller than the men here.”

“I hope that’s a good thing, Darling,” that name. The name that makes things nearly unbearable. The name that you hear in your head throughout the night, and a need to do something. It’s like a scratch that needs itching, but you just didn’t know what scratch could fix this feeling, and…who would you even ask about this?

“It is,” he smiles again, and you seriously want to melt. The temperature must be getting hotter because you feel sweat beading around your hairline, and your throat dries right up, while other things start to — you can’t even mention it. It’s confusing. How does a smile create a fiery need in — areas?

The swimming hole comes into view, and Ari drops your hand. He grips the bottom of his shirt, and pulls it off in one movement, and you spin around immediately. Cheeks steaming with embarrassment, but other things…it’s so hot. He’s so — he’s so something, and you are a mess. Ari yanks down his shorts before he walks over to a deep part of the river, and jumps in.

“Darling, you can look,” he’s absurd. You can’t look at a naked man. But you want to, just because it’s an experiment. He’s a man, you are a woman. What is different on him than you?

“You’re naked, Ari,” his chuckle is so deep and haunting that you peek over your shoulder. “Ari, I can’t be around you when you’re naked.”

“I’m not naked. I’m fully clothed,” you peek more, and notice the swell of his chest poking out of the water. His hair on the amazing pillows of his chest is dripping into the water, and you whimper. He most certainly is not fully clothed. Hair pushed back off his face, and that stupid smile. And heat that you’re sure is from the pits of hell.

“Ari! Your clothes are right there,” he wades to the edge of the river, and gets out, and you spin around again. You feel so weak. He is more broad with no clothes on. Legs and arms sinewed with muscles, and his body is dripping in almost the same way as your own. “You are naked.”

“I promise I’m not. This is what the English wear to swim. You’re not seeing something other women haven’t,” oh that doesn’t sit right with you. Be brave. You spin around and fully take him in. Other women didn’t need to look at his body. He’s your employer, and if anyone deserves a right to stare, it’s you. You don’t just stare, you gaze. Taking in every part of his body. Tracing every line with your eyes, and he stands there looking like the worst temptation.

Like the time you snuck a bite of the pie before it was cooled down, and you smoothed it back out, so no one would know. Keeping that secret still to this day. But you don’t want anyone else to have him as a sin. You want him as your sin. What does that even mean? You need to ask for forgiveness, because he is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You could write books and poetry about him. And you want to take your time as you discover each vein that follows along his arms, and every hill and valley that makes up his stomach and chest.

“You okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” you squeak out, walking past him. It’s hard to do that, but you have to sit on the edge of the river bank. Pulling up your skirts and kicking off your shoes, you let your legs dangle enough into the water, so your toes get refreshed. Your entire body needs it. Squeezing your thighs together seems to help a little bit. But still there is an emptiness, and you want to ask him about it, but what could he possibly know?

He goes back into the river, swimming about a bit. His eyes are constantly drifting to your legs, and then your ankles, “So this is what you English people do for fun?”

“Uh huh.”

“And what does a woman wear?”

“Depends on what she’s comfortable with. Some only cover the same as panties and a bra, and some go completely nude,” what? Women swam completely nude? With other people present. “Usually that can be a fun little date.”

“Date?” You’d heard the word before, but didn’t know if you fully understood it.

“Two people just hanging out getting to know one another. Usually it’s when they’re sexually attracted to each other.”

“Sexually?” There is that word again. “What exactly is sex?” You know you’re attracted to Ari, he is perfect and beautiful, but what is sexually? Or even sex?

He takes long slow blinks, while his eyes transfix on your legs again. That stupid heat gets higher, and you rub your thighs together. This helps more than squeezing them. Your heart rate is everywhere. You’ve never felt it in every part of your body, but also…in the worst place.

“Well when two people like each other…”

“Like you and me?”

“Yes, Darling. Exactly like us. We can use us as an example,” he looks like the devil and an angel all at the same time. “When two people like each other their bodies react. Weird things happen. Heat, pulsing you feel in places you never considered before,” he looks right at your stomach. No, not your stomach. He knows. He knows exactly what your body is doing. You should ask him. You should tell him exactly what is going on.

“And…ugh, this feels almost inappropriate,” he deeply breathes, looking away so quickly you think he had to have hurt his neck.

“Just tell me.”

“For us, at least, a man and a woman, in that scenario man, me, enters into the woman, you.”

“Oh. Oh!” Okay, that makes sense. So you mate like the animals. Hmm, “On all fours?” He cringes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…” you’re saying all the wrong things. How does one receive a man if not on all fours?

“Humans have a plethora of options,” he doesn’t want to embarrass you, but he also doesn’t want to feel he’s completely corrupting you either. He knows how many lines are being crossed right now.

“Are you big like a horse…everywhere?” That feels more than mildly inappropriate, but you’re the one that brought it up. Adorably you look towards the water, below his waist, and that when it hits him. His own curiosity about you builds up so hard, steel hard. His cock twitches in his boxers, knowing that you are trying to figure out his size.

“Not quite like a horse, but arousal does change things,” hmm, quite like they’re changing him now. He couldn’t show you. That would be going too far, but he knows eventually you’ll ask. You still haven’t averted your eyes away from his crotch. He wonders from your angle if you could see how hard he is. “Why are you asking?”

“I have always thought it hurts the mares. I understand it’s a part of life, and she’s only doing what she’s born to do naturally, but it just seems so invasive. And humans do this to get babies?” He shrugs, it’s much more complicated than that, and that’s not the only reason. “It just looks painful.”

“Well, look at it as it is the way it’s intended. We’re created to be made to fit together, you know?” Okay, that makes sense. “People are meant to — mate with people. I suppose not all humans are meant to fit together.”

“How do you know that you found someone that you fit easily with?”

He gets a mischievous smirk on his face, wading closer to your body. His eyes focus much too low again before he makes eye contact. “Sometimes you just have to make it fit. The first time things are a bit tighter. But with prep and time I can make it fit. The woman’s body is amazing. When she’s ready to take a man, your body preps itself. It heats up, it gets so wet and sticky, making it easier for me to enter into you.”

“Does it hurt?” You are missing all the moments he’s actually saying ‘you and him’ because you are trying to figure sex out. In order for him to mate with you, you’d both have to be naked. He is almost naked. You pull your skirts even higher, all the way up to your knees, and he looks very quickly, enjoying the lower view. And a quick glimpse at the panties he bought for you.

“You’re very curious today.”

“That means it does hurt,” he’s ignoring your question.

“So I’ve been told. I wouldn’t know from experience because I’m entering into you, but I have been told it does sting,” he’s been told. Some other woman told him it hurt, and it wasn’t you. It actually makes you angry to think about the fact another woman has seen him naked, and felt him. You should be the one feeling him. What? What are you saying? New feelings explode in your body, mixed with the anger you feel.

”Why would anyone mate for more than having children if it hurts?” And why did another woman get to see him like that? And feel him? Did she get the fuzzy feeling? Did he look at her the same way? There is no way another woman feels the same way you do about Ari.

“There’s more to sex than mating,” how is that even possible? You only saw the animals mating to procreate. “It brings two people so close, both physically and spiritually,” oh now it hurts. Another woman was not only physically close to Ari to have him inside her, but they had a spiritual closeness, too? This isn’t even jealousy anymore, this is painful.

“Not to mention the amount of pleasure that happens will bring you to your knees,” you wonder if she felt the way you did. If she had this heat coursing through her entire bones, while she got to feel him. Got to have him in a way you couldn’t even comprehend.

“It sounds like a sin, Ari. It almost sounds like you are worshiping…”

“Worshiping at the altar between a woman’s legs is like a religion,” you sigh, looking at the water instead of Ari. Worshiping idols is a sin, but you’re more concerned with the fact he was worshiping a woman that wasn’t you. He finally said it. Whatever is happening between your legs is because of Ari, and he would worship you. But he worshiped someone else, and it pains you more than anything you’ve ever felt.

You push your skirts back down, giving Ari a final goodbye nod for the day. “I should go, Ari. I’ll eat dinner at my parents’ tonight.”

“Wait,” he climbs out of the river, walking after you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” lying is a sin. He pulls you tightly against his body, hugging you, and this hug feels different. He feels…bigger. “Ari?” His hard rod pushes up against your stomach, and you feel an odd need to roll your body into his. This is so very confusing. Everything is happening at once, and it nearly blinds you in thoughts.

“Ignore it,” how can you ignore whatever is pressing up against you like that? Pulsing to the same rhythm as whatever is happening between your legs. “We’re okay?”

“It’s just a lot. And…that…” what you really want to say is crude and outlandish and you just can’t say it. You can’t let him know that you’re more scared of him now than ever. There is no way that thing would fit. And he’s worshiped between another woman’s legs, so he did fit. What if you weren’t made for each other? But he was with another woman. “Ari, I can’t.”

“Forgive me for being so outright, but not every woman makes this happen to me,” if he wasn’t holding you, you’d have sunk to your knees. Everything is so weak. There’s so many emotions and feelings, and you just want some alone time or time to explore whatever part of his body is touching you. The pulse between your legs is intense and you have a desire to ask him to help.

“It won’t fit.”

“I’m not asking to make it fit,” of course he’d say that because he has another woman. He doesn’t need you like you need him. Why are you so conflicted with everything? It’s physical and mental, and apparently spiritual.

“I’ve gotta go,” he lets his arms fall, and you dare to look. That didn’t help the feelings in your body. You have more questions. And you can’t ask any of them.

“You’ll be here tomorrow?” You give him a nod, realizing that everything feels hard on you. Even on your chest. What is happening to your body? The sweat is everywhere, and the residual water from him presses your dress around your skin, and somehow makes it feel nice. And your body is showing proof of its own changes as your nipples poke through your dress, “Okay, I’ll have some more books for you on the shelf okay? I don’t work too hard, and enjoy reading, okay?”

“Is it a sin?”

“It’ll be our secret, okay?” This is more than just the books, he’s talking about whatever this is currently happening between you two. You shouldn’t want it, but you crave it. You crave just coming to his house, and seeing him. But the idea of seeing him fully naked and pressed against you, takes your breath away.

“Our secret,” your secrets with him were adding up.

Next

Masterlist

@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @rogersbarber @buckybarnesisdaddy @theinheriteddutchess @patzammit

@theolivia-1

[purpleheartskies]

About the framing and marketing of the traumas in Robby's story including the SA

TW/SA

This situation with the SA in Robby's story feels like post-s5 all over again. Robby experienced something(s) traumatic, but the audience is not supposed to consider it traumatic for Robby because of the framing and marketing, and many fans go along with it---though in this case, many fans are opposed to ignoring the SA.

Hayden's comment about the SA seems to indicate that the writers don't see the SA for what it is and won't address it in part 3. However, Jon (privately) 1000% agreed with a fan that consent can't be given while drunk, that he was very upset with Hayden's tweet, and that he himself wouldn't have answered that question in that way. Hayden is a known troll, and given how he has always approached answering questions, his comment may have been a tone-deaf statement that pushed the narrative framing. For example, Hayden had also responded to someone in that q&a that Miguel always sees the best in people. This is not true, looking at the context throughout the story. Miguel definitely thinks the worst of Robby and acts on it whenever Miguel feels like it. These and other points I will talk about in this post make me wonder if the SA may still possibly be addressed in some way as SA.

Although there are definitely flaws in the writing, such as in the pacing, I don't think the skills of the writers can be completely ignored. Their character and relationship writing in particular are quite good (as in consistent and realistic) compared to a lot that I've seen across a variety of stories. I also think that, while many view SA as an egregious trauma that sets it apart from other traumas (hence the more resonant backlash about it), these writers are treating the SA as just another trauma in Robby's story. After all, they've handled Robby's other traumas with a similar writing, execution, framing, and marketing approach. For example, the same day that Netflix posted the ig reel marketing the SA as "Can Tory catch a break?", which matches the narrative framing, Variety put out that interview of Billy glorifying Johnny's relationship with Miguel and claiming that Johnny "needed the boy [Miguel] who needed him", which also matches the narrative framing. As I pointed out in another post, the framing and marketing of both situations treat Robby as inconsequential, although both are extremely traumatic for him. 

The storytelling style in the show is very interesting. There's a lot the consistency and patterns throughout the story, especially when it comes to the characters behaviors. For example, my pre-s6 analyses of Miguel's envy of Robby being Johnny's son, Johnny using Miguel to feel better about himself for screwing up with Robby, and the blended "family" not being written genuinely (especially Robby's inclusion in it) are inline with what was depicted once more in s6e8. In fact, the occurrence of Robby experiencing a trauma (the SA) while Johnny was off tending to the Diazs is in line with the consistency of how the writers approach Johnny and Robby's story: Johnny's relationship with the Diazs is narratively in opposition to Johnny's relationship with Robby. It is an either/or situation; it always has been. 

In this case, Robby was left out of the family situation and was, overall, feeling so unsupported (because he is, despite Johnny's words to Miguel) that his abandonment/rejection trauma and low self-worth were at their peaks, with him believing that Tory had abandoned and replaced him too, so he drank for the first time. In fact, the writers reminded us through Sam that Robby doesn't drink. They wanted us to be clear on the fact that he was drinking for the first time, and the rum and coke doubles he was downing would impair him. Robby telling Sam about his intention to drink seemed to be his counterdependence peaking through: he had wanted her to stop him. (In fairness to Sam, no character has understood Robby's counterdependent tendencies. Though, it would have been good of her, as a friend, to stick around after he told her that he was thinking of drinking. I'm not blaming Sam, though, for Robby's decision to drink. It was Robby's decision to do so. I may do a proper s6 part 2 Robby analysis soon.) It's within the context of Robby getting drunk for the first time and being alone and vulnerable that Zara took advantage of him. This was all juxtaposed with Miguel showing his envy once again about Robby being Johnny's son and Johnny once again committing himself to Miguel in comparison to Robby. In the hospital scenes, Robby's absence was felt including Carmen speaking about the baby having her big "brother" win, as if she has only one brother competing in the tournament.

Looking at how the writers have written scenes throughout the story, the SA is written as what it is: SA.

First off, there's no narrative "show" of Robby consenting or intentionally getting together with Zara. They don't show him noticing her, getting friendly with her, or drinking with her. They're only shown to have two interactions: (1) the conversation outside of her hotel room the next morning, and (2) during the brawl. In both these interactions, Zara acted entitled to Robby, his body and him, while Robby showed no interest in her whatsoever. Wrt to the SA itself, Robby was clearly shown to be getting drunk and losing his faculties (he couldn't focus enough to talk back to Kwon) before Zara even approached him. The next morning, his hungover state and his statement that he can barely remember anything also prove that he hadn't been in any condition to consent. He was barely responsive when she kissed, and he looked disturbed/shell-shocked as he walked away. In turn, she was shown watching and approaching him at the bar with intent. The next morning, her bold response "Well, good thing I do" to him saying that he barely remembers, her indifference about his unwell state, and her stealing a kiss from him as if she's entitled to show that she was sober and didn't care if he could consent or not. She had been interested in him, and she'd taken from him what she'd wanted. 

The framing and marketing that we should feel sorry for Tory wrt this doesn't match the nuance of what is shown, only the framing of it. Tory seeing them is written as a coincidence. The framing that Robby had cheated and made a "mistake" is set up by Robby's words: "Tory broke up with me. She hooked up with Kwon. I got drunk and I did something stupid". Some fans claim that Robby "cheated" to get revenge, but there is no narrative proof of this. Robby didn't try to throw it in Tory's face and was shocked that she'd found out. Then, his defensive argument with Tory---that she was upset that he'd gotten with someone even though she'd gotten with Kwon---added to the framing. However, Robby is already established as a character with exaggerated self-blame, who blames himself for his traumas when he isn't at fault at all or isn't 100% at fault. In this case, he can barely remember what happened. He knows that he got drunk because he was upset, thinking that Tory had hooked up with Kwon. But, he essentially doesn't know the details of the "mistake" that he is blaming himself for. He was also already blaming himself when he and Tory got into their argument about it, so he was defensive about it.

Overall, the whole situation had contexts of Robby's underlying traumas. He drank for the first time to deal with his abandonment/rejection trauma and low self-worth. He took this step, despite his goal not to become like Johnny. This is also likely a type of situation that his mother may have experienced in the past, given what had been shown about her in earlier seasons. He blamed himself for it, although he essentially doesn't even know details about what he's blaming himself for. He just believes it's his fault. Robby being SA'd the first time he drank and got drunk seems to be a dark irony in light of all this.

Another thing that stuck out is that Tory cut Robby off when he tried to explain what had happened with Zara. This was after Cobra Kai had lost, and Robby had approached Tory in the hotel lobby. Robby not being able to tell his side of the story or details of his side of the story being obscured is pretty consistent with his story so far. When it comes to the school fight, for example, Miguel's wrongdoings against Robby have been obscured, and only Robby's wrongdoing in it have been explored and addressed. In s3e2, Robby clearly told Daniel that he had kicked Miguel (which is a true statement), while he also told Daniel that it was a mistake trying to help him because he can't change (which is his exaggerated self-blame; it had been an accident and there is so much context to consider for that fight). This is similar to "I got drunk" (true statement) and "I did something stupid" (exaggerated self-blame; he couldn't consent and barely even knows what happened).

In s3e2, Robby wasn't able to say more to Daniel because the cops had shown up. Robby stopped trusting Daniel, was put into juvie, and their relationship dissolved. Robby also stopped talking about his side of the story. Even when Kreese (s3e5) and Tory (s3e8) showed him empathy about it, Robby didn't respond. He finally talked about it in s4e4 when he tried to defend himself to Johnny, but Johnny dismissed what he said. Then, in s5e5, after the abusive apartment fight, he explained to Miguel what had happened at the end of the school fight, in response to Miguel gaslighting him about the school fight. Miguel's question implied that Robby had had no reason to not hold back that day in school, which shows how entitled and lacking in empathy and self-awareness Miguel is as the person who had attacked Robby brutally that day. (Robby having a "fight" response at the end of the fight was quite natural, given the circumstances.)

Robby has been scapegoated for their school fight and is still being scapegoated for it, as depicted in the college essay scene in s6e2. The SA being written how it was---as SA---and Robby being scapegoated for it is in line with how he has been scapegoated narratively before. Again, I think people view SA on a different level than these other traumas and situations, but it is a type of trauma and it is being treated as his other traumas have been treated. The SA was also perpetrated by a new character, who isn't endeared to fans in general, so she is being more rightfully called out and given less of a benefit of a doubt. Those who defend her or make gross comments about the SA mainly do so because she's a young, hot female.

Wrt the SA, a question remains about how and if Zara would have flaunted it in Tory's face had Tory not seen them. Zara also later taunted Tory about it on Zara's livestream because Tory was standing nearby. (Maybe Zara saw Tory alone and purposely went and stood close by. We don't know.) By this point, Zara is depicted as an opportunist. She had taken advantage of Robby while he was drunk, alone and vulnerable, and she was taking shots at Tory whenever the opportunity arose. Zara SA'd Robby because she'd wanted him. Tory coincidentally finding out had been a bonus for Zara, which she used to piss off Tory more.

In fact, Zara isn't depicted to have any positive personality traits at all. She started a rivalry with Tory because she saw Robby and immediately became interested in him, but noticed that Robby and Tory have something and didn't like that. She got in Tory's face after she noticed people talking about Tory, instead of her, as a badass fighter. Then, she threw having been with Robby in Tory's face because Tory coincidentally saw her kissing Robby. Then, just to piss Tory off, she purposely commented on her livestream that she plays hard all night. Tory snatched her phone and told Zara's followers that Zara doesn't care about her karate sisters and steals their boyfriends. She started losing sponsors so that pissed her off at Tory more. During the brawl, when Tory tried to get to Robby, Zara stopped Tory, said that she's hers, and started beating on her. After Robby threw her off of Tory, she was shocked that he'd choose Tory over her. She then attacked Robby. (This Zara-Tory rivalry is pretty one-sided and doesn't parallel the Tory-Sam rivalry which was already two-sided before Miguel became an issue between them.) 

Zara is depicted as vain, egocentric, envious, entitled, lacking in accountability, violent, and opportunistic. She preys on and assaults guys without a care and flaunts having been with them, and she actually thought that that one night and whatever she did to Robby would make him choose her over Tory, who she knows Robby has a history with. She didn't treat Robby as a person at all, but as something that she is entitled to.

As I mentioned, this isn't the first time that Robby has been subjected to an abuse/assault/trauma that has been obscured with framing and marketing. Robby's story is actually quite dark if the framing and marketing around it is removed. I actually feel that the writers were trying to top the abuses from s5 with the SA, as in what other trauma could they give Robby. As the series has gone on, Robby has experienced the most traumas out of all the kids, almost all of which are not his fault at all or not completely his fault, and are still unaddressed. (Out of all the kids, Robby is also the only one to have gone to juvie, although some of the others should have gone too.) Just like I mentioned above, Robby blames himself for almost all of these traumas, regardless of how much fault he bears... as many trauma victims would. Wrt the SA, Robby is 1000% not at fault for what Zara did to him.

Looking back to s5, consider the Mexico trip in s5e1/2. Johnny subjected Robby to emotional and psychological abuse while Johnny did what he could to find Miguel and told Carmen to stay safely at home. Robby ended up staying to help Johnny after Johnny tried to abandon him again. Now, one could claim that Robby wanted to stay. After all, Robby told Johnny, after saving him, that Johnny's trying to fix things and Robby wants to help. But, as I pointed out after s5, this is a people-pleasing statement. Robby was putting Johnny's needs above his own. Johnny had tried to abandon Robby again after kidnapping him to Mexico under the guise of a father-son trip. Johnny had also psychologically and emotionally manipulated Robby with gaslighting and guilting. Robby also repeated what Johnny had said earlier, that they could make stories together, another emotional manipulation. Robby changed himself to stay with Johnny. Robby even did a chili eating contest to fix one of Johnny's screw ups. And of course that whole trip ended with a big heartfelt "father-son" hug between Johnny and Miguel as Robby watched from the background, a blatant callback to the s1e5 scene that was a trauma trigger for Robby. This time Robby had to swallow his trauma given the situation he was in. The trauma and abuse Robby suffered on this trip was framed and marketed as Johnny needing to find the boy who needed him (Miguel), Robby wanting to stay and help Johnny, and the two of them making stories together. This trauma and abuse are still unaddressed.

There is a follow up though, that shows that Robby wasn't okay with the trip. His conversation with Tory in s5e4 showed that he didn't enjoy the trip and he clearly stated that he and Johnny still have some issues that are too big to solve (Robby looked at Miguel when Robby said this). Those issues have not been solved, but have been tucked away because of the news that came later. In s5e3, Johnny told the opposite to Carmen that he and Robby are good now. s5e4 is the last time that Robby spoke about his issues with Johnny. There have also been NO proper one-on-one scenes or interactions between Johnny and Robby since the Mexico trip. Although many love Johnny and Robby's "father-son bonding" on the trip, the context of that trip shouldn't be ignored (but it is by many). The Mexico trip was never used to establish a foundation for them to start (re)building a relationship. In fact, the trip added to the continued narrative thread of Johnny's relationship with the Diazs being in opposition to his relationship with Robby, while Robby experienced more trauma. The trip also set up Robby completely adopting people-pleasing after he would later hear the baby news.

Now, take the apartment fight and baby news in s5e5. Robby had made his boundaries clear to Johnny. Robby didn't want to be Miguel's friend. Robby was also willing to be okay with Johnny's relationship with Miguel. But, Johnny cornered Robby with Miguel and with the psychologically and physically abusive, "Johnny classic"/Cobra Kai solution to "fight it out". Robby noticeably didn't want to fight and hesitated before and after saying yes to the fight, which he only said yes to to posture after Miguel said yes to the fight. Robby, especially, started out fighting hesitantly. Johnny egged them on, and it was after Miguel drew blood that Robby stopped hesitating.

As they fought, the boys ended up on the second floor balcony. Miguel gained the upper hand, and Robby stopped fighting back. Robby looked on in fear but Miguel suddenly stopped fighting, which is stated in the script as "showing mercy"---a callback to how their school fight had ended. The end moments of this fight were juxtaposed with flashbacks of Miguel's side of the school fight, a "tell" that framed Robby as the bad guy/aggressor in that fight. Robby then asked Miguel why he held back, and Miguel gaslit him about not learning karate to hurt people but to be badass and learn balance. This is not completely true. Miguel had just said yes to this fight so that he could hurt Robby with his karate, as Miguel has done a few times before. Also, Cobra Kai, which Miguel had learned first, doesn't teach finding balance. After this statement, Miguel asked Robby why he didn't hold back in school. As I described earlier, this is another gaslighting statement. As Robby explained his actions at the end of the school fight, Robby acknowledged that that was the worst moment of both of their lives. Both of them had also just relived the trauma of the school fight with this apartment fight. Johnny asked if they were good now, and Robby hesitated but then nodded yes. For both fights, Miguel got resolutions completely in his favor and is no longer dealing with repercussions from the fights, while Robby got no resolutions on his side and is still dealing with repercussions. This apartment fight was marketed as a "therapy session" for both boys and the video for it showcased the younger cast minus Tanner (who was filming a movie at the time) watching the middle to end of the fight, the latter of which frames the narrative in Miguel's favor using flashbacks as "tell". Again, Robby's side of the school and apartment fights and his lack of resolutions were obscured in the framing and the marketing.

This abusive and traumatic experience for Robby also ended with tonal shifts, like the SA scene does. Johnny let slip about the baby news. As Johnny and Miguel became excited over it, Robby is visibly shown to be processing the news and only acted overly excited after Johnny pointed to Miguel and said to act that excited. Suddenly, Robby exclaimed that that is awesome, and they all hugged and all was good between them, with a guitar riff score playing. The SA scene also ended with tonal shifts. As the elevator opened, the ominous music that had been playing intensified, shifting the focus of the scene from Robby to Tory. The scene visually focused on Robby as he walked away. Then, Zara spotted Tory, the music shifted once more. This time from ominous to upbeat/playful, and Zara blew Tory a kiss. In both cases, the scenes became about the other characters' feelings and dynamic, while Robby's traumatic experience in both these situations was visually shown, it was dismissed and later framed as him being in the wrong. In s5e8, Robby talked to Kenny about the rivalry as if Robby's hate had been the problem, and once he let that go, all was good. This of course is not true, as Miguel clearly is the one who had started and maintains the rivalry with Robby as Miguel feels entitled to. This is shown again in part 2, with Miguel acting like a jealous ass to Robby until Johnny promised to give Miguel preferential treatment again, compared to Robby. Miguel later gave Robby the pep talk to help them win. In s6e9, Robby took the same approach of putting the blame of what Zara did to him onto himself, despite barely remembering what had happened and Zara clearly remembering. Zara however is the one who is clearly at fault for whatever she did to him. She acted entitled to him and took advantage of him. Her expectation that he choose her over Tory after that night also shows her entitlement.

In s5e5, at dinner after the apartment fight, Robby was now miraculously happy with both Johnny and Miguel. After Carmen came home, Robby kindly asked if he could stay for dinner. After she paused and said yes, Robby cautiously watched her as she walked away. Robby's place in the family is clearly unstable, and this is still indicated in s6, including in s6e8. When Carmen asked about the boys' bruises, Johnny told her that the boys beat each other into submission. This is not true. Miguel had beaten Robby into submission. Johnny's claim is meant to frame the resolution as fair for both boys, just like the marketing attempts to, but this doesn't match what was shown in the actual fight and resolution. s5e5 also added to the continued narrative thread of Johnny's relationship with the Diazs being in opposition to his relationship with Robby, while Robby experienced more trauma.

Robby's story has gotten darker as the story has gone on, though the context and tone of his story remain obscured using framing and marketing that minimizes/removes how dark and traumatic these experiences are for Robby. At the same time, Robby still lacks a stable support system and his mental health is shown to be worsening. After s5, many claimed that Robby had found balance. So far, s6 is showing that Robby never found balance. In fact, his mental health has gotten so bad that he eventually chose to drink to cope with his poor mental health, just like Johnny does, although Robby's goal is to not become like Johnny. 

The SA narratively fits as another traumatic experience that Robby has had and that he blames himself for. The SA is framed and marketed as something that only affects Tory. The narrative thread of Johnny's relationship with the Diazs being in opposition to his relationship with Robby, while Robby experiences another trauma also continued. The SA has been dealt with in the narrative and in the marketing the same way as Robby's other traumatic experiences have been. Throughout the story, the writers have been "telling" the audience to ignore all of the abuse and trauma Robby has been "shown" to experience. The SA isn't a unique circumstance. I've said before that this story is full of irony:

"Irony introduces depth, nuance, and multi-layered meaning. Its ability to present contradictions and incongruities between appearance and reality, or between expectation and actuality, demands critical thinking from the audience to uncover the intended deeper significance. Rather than passive acceptance of face value, irony prompts an analysis of context and subtext — engaging viewers or readers in a richer interpretive experience."

If the SA were the only trauma dealt with in this way, I wouldn't be writing this post. But Robby's other traumas have also been dealt with this way. We have been "shown" what Robby has experienced throughout the story, but the "tell" obscures so much of it, and he and the other characters have yet to understand what he's experienced and how it all affects him.

Since part 2 came out, it's been good to see that people have been calling out the SA by calling out the nuances of the scenes involved---body language, dialogue, and context. I've also seen people say that they recognize Robby blaming himself for it as a trauma victim would, and as Robby specifically would. After s5, it was so hard to talk about Robby's abusive/traumatic experiences during the Mexico trip, apartment fight, baby news and the family dinner scenes. People would dismiss all these storytelling nuances that were clearly portrayed as Johnny used and abused Robby to find Miguel and later abused Robby to force his submission into Johnny's new family. Johnny forcing Robby to be friends/family with these people, especially in such a violent way, is a violation of Robby's boundaries. Zara SAing Robby is also a violation of his boundaries. The storytelling nuances have also always been present and ignored by many the whole time as Johnny and Miguel's relationship has been built at Robby's expense, with the persistent layers of Johnny using Miguel to feel better about himself and Miguel feeling entitled to Johnny over Robby and being jealous that Robby is Johnny's son. These nuances and layers are still there in s6, and especially in s6e8. 

After part 2 came out and especially after Hayden's comment, many said that they needed female writers because of how the SA has been handled. But, two women wrote s6e8 and a woman directed it. In fact, the woman who directed it also directed s5e5, which had the apartment fight, baby news, and dinner scenes. That episode has so much nuance that people choose to ignore. I still remember how some people would openly dismiss Robby's body language in those s5e5 scenes that I've described above. I also remember a lot of people claimed after s5 that the writers didn't remember Robby's traumas and mental health issues anymore. Now I'm seeing some of those same people talk about Robby's mental health being the reason he drank. 

Despite many going along with the framing and marketing of Robby's other traumas, it's a relief overall to see that many still hold the view that this is SA and haven't been swayed to believe otherwise. (Although, I have seen that some have shrugged their shoulders and have adopted the view that Robby "cheated" or had "casual sex", which is not supported narratively with "show" but is framed and marketed as such using "tell".)

I really hope that people keep the conversations going in the fandom about the SA, as well as about Robby's other traumas and all of the nuances in his story.

[olderthannetfic]

Hi, I wasn't that anon but I have a PhD in music history and these responses to that Spotify post (much as I don't understand why that was sent to you) are hurting me. All I'm going to say is that if you're responding with "why is it always black people?" please take a history of popular music class if you genuinely do not understand why it is black people who get the focus when it comes to POPULAR MUSIC. (to be clear, this in this sense does not mean just "pop," but any genre that is not classical music or traditional folk music - so, rock, country, metal, R&B, hip hop, jazz all fall here, too)

Anon's whole point was that this is not a typical "minority representation" discussion, but one where the minority in question has always been dominant in this particular art form, in these particular genres, including being the majority in some of the ones Tumblr as a whole (maybe not the readership here specifically) really likes. You can't just import what you'd say about representation in any other medium. "Great black popular music artists" is not like, say, "great black filmmakers," it's more like "great female romance novelists." I don't even have to go out of my way to include black artists when I teach about American or British popular music, the way I do somewhat when I'm teaching about classical music. Yes, even from eras where the US popular music industry did their best to segregate them - you still had black artists who were influential and popular enough that they had lots of white audiences. Louis Armstrong and Nat King Cole come to mind.

I agree that just looking at people's Spotify Wrapped is not the greatest metric - as you said, what if someone was just listening to songs on there by a few artists. I use my Spotify mostly for playlists for my college classes I teach, so this particular year I was teaching a lot of Japanese popular music courses, and so they ended up being disproportionately Japanese. (I still had some black artists I was listening to in other contexts, though.) So my results tend to be odd and not very representative of their point. But I think I agree with the general point of why Black Tumblr users do this. Regardless, when people are responding to this with the same old discourse they use for every other discussion like this with something where black people (or whichever group) are UNDERrepresented, then they need to know that they missed the central point.

--

I get it, but truly, the number of weird nerds who don't listen to popular music from the Anglophone world in any kind of normal pattern is really, really high, and the amount that people get attacked even when it doesn't make sense is also very high. I know you and others are like "Well, we weren't talking about you", but when it comes to getting yelled at, they're quite right in thinking it is about them. That is how this nonsense always plays out, and it isn't necessarily black users spearheading it either.

This is US centrism wank boiling over, among other factors. The number of fans from outside the anglophone world coming at fandom from an all Asian media all the time place was high on my tumblr even during the years when I was completely out of Asian media fandoms. Now that I'm back in an Asian media phase, it's even higher. And that's just one cultural group that's going to be pissed about this kind of topic.

A couple of people have made stupidass comments, including about rap (quelle surprise), but the anger at being expected to know or care who Kendrick Lamar et al. are is not surprising.

Nobody should be looking at spotify wrapped this way in the first place.

In fact, nobody should be looking at spotify wrapped this year at all.

The real conversation should be about firing programmers and replacing them with incompetent AI.

[taiyeoki]

PRETTY LITTLE PUSSY | Kashimo Hajime

↳ Kashimo + Reader

Genre : Smut

W/C : 4.8K

Warnings : 🔞Minors do not interact | Contains fingering, edging, squirting, breast play, slight electrocution (come on it's Kashimo🧍🏻‍♀️), pussy drunk Kashimo, dirty talk, praising, a bit of fluff.

Synopsis : Hakari invites you and Kashimo to hangout but Kashimo had been dying to get home. Little did you know he had other plans instead of just relaxing with you. When you wanted to have fun in the café, he wanted to have fun as well, just not in the way you had expected.

A/N : I was bored. Man I can't seem to find Tumblr's HTML part, I wanna make stuff with different colours 💀 Reader is a fem btw.

Hakari knew Kashimo was an ancient man who came from the 1600 so he had to drag him out to town. Kashimo had a hard time understanding the modern world after all, so Hakari would be his "saviour" who would teach him everything he should know. Hence, Kashimo had been invited to hangout at a bubble tea café because he said that it was "trendy" and lots of people had been buying from that café recently.

It was funnier how he would honestly lecture everyone in this modern era, repeating "sorcerers these days..." or "back in my day..." Like an old man that he is despite being in his prime. Plus he couldn't understand much of what Hakari and Kirara spoke of;

"What are you slaying?"

"What is a 'Pikachu vibe' and why do they keep calling me that? Is it a bad thing?"

"Period? Y/n are you on your period? Should I get a heating pad for you?"

Which is why you were here now because number one, you knew Kashimo would disappear the moment he even thinks about leaving Hakari's side and number two, you had been invited anyway. You were currently standing in line to buy your drinks while Kashimo and Hakari sat at a nearby booth next to the window to keep a spot for you guys to hangout at, the sunlight shining down on them. The sunbeam hits Kashimo's face as it gave him a glowing look, caressing his skin and giving life to his warm eyes. His cyan orbs were complimented with the pinkish hue of lightning patterns under his eyes. Kashimo's eyebrows were furrowed as usual and his eyelashes looked naturally curled. He had a calm yet fierce expression which honestly turned you on as a slight aching between your legs appeared.

Kashimo had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows the way he knows you like it. You could see how veiny and muscular his arms were when he didn't have his bandages wrapped around his forearm. You tried shaking off any thoughts that were creeping into your head though as a pool began forming in your pants. Meanwhile the two of them had privacy to themselves as they waited for you to return with their drinks.

"Well?" Hakari initiates as Kashimo responds with a hum to let him continue his question. Instead, Hakari stared at him with a cheeky smile as he had his left hand held an 'O' shape while his right hand had his fingers moving in an out of that 'O' in a fucking motion. "Y/n?"

"... Is that a domain expansion?" Kashimo asked, confused on what Hakari was doing with his hands.

"PFFT A DOMAIN EXPANSION?" Hakari laughed out loud, cackling so much that it caught everyone's attention and yours. You turned back to see what the two were talking about although you couldn't hear what they said other than Hakari's laughter. It made you happy to say the least as you saw your boyfriend chatting with someone since he was never the type to be a social butterfly. Although you don't think that he cracked a joke since Kashimo looked even more confused than you did. The poor man couldn't understand the action Hakari did. After all they never had such an openly explicit movement back in the Edo period.

It looked like Hakari was dying from laughter as he held his abdomen, wheezing as he spoke, "what kind of sex domain is that?" After a while though his cackling died down and you finally return with all your bubble tea. Hakari looked like he lost all the oxygen in his body.

"What happened?" You tried to inquire, wanting to know what they were laughing about but Hakari just chuckles as he was reminded of what did happened. Shrugging it off as he replied, "don't worry about it. It looks like I broke him though," Hakari said as he points to Kashimo. As you looked over to him, Kashimo had his forehead planted against the edge of the table, face hidden and his body still. You decided to brush it off since the cyan haired man looked like he didn't want to say anything else.

Unbeknownst to Hakari though you and Kashimo had already have a fair share of lovemaking together. He just never expected that a 400 year old man was still capable of fucking since he always looked too busy wanting to fight Sukuna anyway.

Throughout your time with the two you noticed Kashimo being silent. You knew he wasn't too talkative especially with anyone other than you but this time he was oddly quiet. When you looked over to him he looked a bit bothered. Is he sick?

"Jime? You alright?" You checked up on him wanting to make sure he's fine. His face was a bit flushed and he looked like he was trying to stabilize his breathing but little did you know his head was full of erotic thoughts of fucking you till your legs won't work.

Soon enough you all decided to part ways and Kashimo was especially persistent on it. You didn't understand why but he looked... Upset?

By the time you entered your welcoming home you both shared, he almost seemed to rush in, passing you as he accidentally bumps into you. Kashimo exhaled, making an exhausted sigh which sounded as if he's been holding his breath in and it made you worried. You were too concerned for him to even notice the growing tent in his pants.

"Hajime? You alri—" Kashimo's lips crashes into yours before you can even finish the sentence. Fingers firmly holding your jaw as his tongue invades your mouth, the kiss forceful and demanding. His other hand grips your waist tightly, pulling you closer to him. He was such a good kisser, always so passionate and he knows exactly how to tease you to keep you on edge. You're completely caught off guard, hands holding his wrists, whining as he cages you on your back against the wall between his strong arms.

You manage to let go, gasping, "Hajime! What are you—"

"Fuck. Been needing you all day long," his hand travels up your back, gripping the fabric of your shirt softly yet urgently.

"Do you know how long my cock's been aching huh? God knows I wanted to just bend you over back at the café and eat you out right then and there," he groans, kisses trailing from your neck to your collarbone as he takes in your sweet scent. He knows how much weaker you are compared to him— soft, delicate, and sensitive to touch. His touch was a perfect mix of gentle and rough, the man knew how to work with your body and have you screaming and begging for him.

"Need you so much," he mumbles against your skin. He swiftly shoves your pants down, revealing your cute panties that you were wearing and he drags his fingers through your folds, tracing against the wet patch that had already formed.

"Hajime," you mutter out to your boyfriend breathless, desperate for any touch at all as you instinctively spread your legs open with the help of Kashimo's knee pushing you further apart and whine, trying to hold his broad shoulders for support.

He traces soft kisses down, following from your neck to your collarbone then to your chest and further below to your waist. Soon enough he's settled between your legs and you feel his hot breath against your panties.

"Trained this pussy so well," he hums, pulling off your panties and revealing the wet mess behind the fabric. "You're already so wet just from my kisses," he smiles knowing you're just as touch starved as he was.

Blushing, your jaw clenched, trying to hold your composure but only to yelp when you felt his face sink in your wet pussy. Kashimo takes in your erotic scent, diving between your legs. Fuck— he's too good. Kashimo drags his tongue from your clit up towards your aching sex. He licks you tenderly, exploring your folds with his tongue, "you taste so good."

He groans against your skin as he speeds up his ministrations, tongue working in you with rhythm as he tastes all your love juice, prodding inside your pussy and feeling the spongy insides. You feel his lips wrap around your clit as he starts sucking almost desperately. In fact you feel as though he was enjoying this more than you were. His nose nudges against your skin, face smothered in your wet pussy as he eats you out.

You were practically shaking now, his hands gripped your thighs to keep you spread apart as you buck your hips and whine, needing to cum yet he doesn't give enough pleasure just to keep edging you. You can feel him smirk, his hungry gaze took in the sight of you squirming with need as you moaned desperately with tears pricking the corner of your eyes. Unfortunately for you the moment you felt the familiar knot form in your abdomen, Kashimo pulls away before you can even release, leaving you whining.

Stiffled moans left Kashimo, his cock pulsing in his pants as it only grew. He groans from seeing how fucked out you are, your face was flushed and you had tears dripping down, saliva wetting the edges of your lips as you pant. The sight made his dick want to explode.

"Hm? You're gonna have to tell me what you want. Whining isn't gonna help," Kashimo smirks, his expression looks smug seeing you writhe as he takes full control of your orgasm.

"You're so close," Hajime teases, knowing full well that he could end this torment at any moment. "Tell me, y/n. Do you like being on the edge like this?"

"Fuck- Hajime please, don't stop," you pleaded desperately, face flushed but you couldn't care about anything else right now. Kashimo's smile tugs at his lips as it grew with smugged pride. He knew only he could get you to beg for him like you are now.

Kashimo doesn't hesitate doing what you wanted, taking a whiff of your soaked pussy and once more the man is being pussy drunk. This time though he isn't as gentle as he was which caught you in surprise and yelp. Kashimo was aggressively sucking on everything he could as if it was going to be his last meal, lapping up anything at all and leaving no drops of your slick pussy juice. It drove you wilder as his hand slides between your legs, finding your entrance. He teases you for a moment before slipping one finger inside, slowly stretching you open for him, moaning at the feel of his large hand

"That's it," he murmurs, his finger moving in and out of you, easily finding your G-spot. His other hand slips underneath him to rub against his own hard length. "Tell me how it feels."

"Ah fuck— Hajime- it feels s'good!" You cry out with a stutter in between moans. With Kashimo's quickening pace, his finger thrusts into you mercilessly, getting greedier than he already was. You could feel his long finger slide in and out of you as his large hand palms at your clit while he eats you out, spreading sweet kisses over your pussy. He was falling harder for you by the second if it's even possible anymore considering how much he showers you with affection. A couple if seconds later you start falling apart, gasping and moaning as you tried to push his head away.

Kashimo only groans at you when you tried to remove him from your overstimulated pussy in vain. "Too much," you gasp. "Can't take it- Hajime!" You stutter in between moans and gasps, crying out as he has your brain turning into mush with just a single digit and his tongue. Watching you pull at your lip with your teeth has his cock drooling more than it was and he knew you were about to cum. Kashimo easily slips another finger in, and you feel his thick finger prod in your spongy walls. Both fingers immediately abusing that one spot in you which has your eyes rolling back to your head and crying out loud moans. The moment your pussy tighten more than it already was, he knew you were about to reach your high with the bubbling feeling once more.

"Don't you fucking dare cum," Kashimo however demands which has you desperately whining for sweet relief. He keeps his eye contact with you, watching how vulnerable you are right now and you feel so exposed as he takes in your form, drooling, moaning, gasping, writhing, anything at all. Kashimo's still palming himself, his red tip just begging to be relieved as well but he's holding back so he could cum with you too. "Please Hajime," you weakly cry out. It's as if you've lost all your energy already but to your luck, Kashimo grunts and finally allows you to release.

"Alright, since you've been such a good girl. My cute little slut deserves to cum doesn't she? Fucking do it then. Cum on my face," he groans, voice laced with lust. Finally he gives one hard thrust which has you sent over the edge, immediately cumming all over his fingers and tongue as he drinks it up. It intensifies when Kashimo sends a spark of electricity adding to the sensation, your sensitive pussy squirting all over his face which has him releasing his own load, making a gutteral moan.

"Fuck- Hajime!" Crying out loud moans, you've never felt this good before after being edged so much. The moment you finally stop squirting, your body falls limp and he pulls away as you pant heavily. His face is covered with your sweet juices and the floor splattered with his own seed.

Kashimo drags his tongue over his teeth, cleaning himself up and showing off those fangs as drops of pussy juice fell on his tongue to lap up. He brings the back of his veiny hand up to wipe his face off, "what a fucking whore. You made a mess."

Kashimo stands up and towers over your frail form, watching the art he made out of you as you held onto him for support, panting still. He delivers a harsh smack to your pussy, causing a wet slap to be heard as he chuckles darkly when you yelp. "You're so damn wet. C'mere," Kashimo easily picks you up, laying you over his broad shoulder with your ass next to his face and he takes a rough slap on your plush skin. "Hajime, you're the reason I'm wet!" Blushing, you try and retort his words to which he only chuckles at. It's as if he was carrying a feather, almost like you were just a pillow to him when he brings you along with him into your shared room. He doesn't struggle at all, entering both your room and gently kicking the door close behind him, flopping you down on the soft bed with a bit of bounce.

With the cyan haired man towering over you, he's eyeing you as if a hungry predator full of lust and it already has you aching once more, wet dripping slowly down your folds. He doesn't break eye contact with you when he reaches over to grab his nyoi staff at the corner of the bed, his seductive smirk revealing the sharp fangs as if he was ready to shove his teeth into you. Kashimo brings his muscular arm under your knees, bringing your legs up to expose your core and you feel like burning up from being flushed and from your own body reacting to him. The spherical tip of his staff presses against your wet folds has you gasping, looking down to see him tempting you as he rubs your own juices around your pussy. Your wet slick spreads onto his staff, lubricating it. "What do ya want? You're not speaking but your body is telling me everything I need to know. What's wrong? Don't tell me you're shy now? A moment ago you were moaning and crying like a slut."

"Fuck— Hajime please.." you pleaded, you can't take this aching anymore. Your walls are throbbing painfully and it's killing you. You needed to have him, to have everything he gives you but Kashimo only teases you with the nyoi staff and presses it harder against your pussy but it doesn't go in. He rubs the tip of it up and down from your pussy to your ass, the lubricated stick playing with your asshole and it made you feel dirty. "Hm? What's that? I can't hear you. Speak up." You knew he heard you. He just wanted to enjoy this moment and his smirk showed how entertained he was. A light spark of lightning flashed between his buns and he led a gentle course of it run through his nyoi staff against your aching pussy which has your hips bucking in surprise, a harsh moan caught in your throat.

"Ah— Fuck, need you. I need you please. Please just fuck me with your big cock. Can't take it anymore!" You begged for him to stop teasing and the more you pleaded the more satisfied he got, his predatory smile only grew. He took the staff away from your pussy which has you whining. He takes the spherical tip of it to his face, keeping eye contact with you as he licked the tip of it, tasting your pussy on it. His cyan orbs kept a sharp gaze on you, lustful as he savours your taste.

Kashimo satisfied himself with your taste on his nyoi staff. His dick couldn't wait either and he places it back down on the bed, crawling over your small form compared to him. His muscular arms caged you within, toned chest and chiseled abs hovering over you. The sight of body already already had you drooling, blushing at his divine looks. His soft hair fell to his sides and down above you and you got to see his features up close. He looked incredible with his fierce expression, sharp jawline and it all shows off how much power the man has, emanating dominance but to Kashimo he was the one who got lucky enough to have you all for himself. His heart fluttered at the sight in front of him, taking in your beauty, soft lips, glowing skin, bright eyes. Sometimes you wonder how a man like him fell in love with you but he genuinely did find you as the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in these 400 years. To him you were perfect. Your body was perfect and he wouldn't want you to change anything about yourself at all. He loves you the way you are now.

The aching pain at Kashimo's dick snapped him out of the trance you had on him. "You're already so warm and ready for me," he murmurs, leaning in to place a tender kiss on your lips. His hand continues to explore your body, tracing gentle patterns on your abdomen, fingers dancing over youe body. He trails his fingertips down to your inner thighs, brushing lightly against your sensitive folds. He lines up his dick against your entrance, tempted to just dive right in but he keeps his impatience at bay.

"You ready?"

"Mhm," you hum, prepared for him for fuck you senseless. "Perfect," he whispers, leaning down to kiss your stomach.

The moment you replied, he immediately entered your heat but he takes his time savouring it. The painfully slow pace causing a gutteral moan from him as he groans, finally feeling your pussy wrap around his length. Your own moan got cut off by him leaning in to kiss you, sharing your passion with one another. Kashimo pulls out of you and dives back in roughly, causing his dick to attack your G-spot with precision and you moan out loudly. He starts thrusting more, increasing the speed of it as Kashimo couldn't withstand being patient anymore.

"You're such a needy little slut," Hajime whispers against your lips between passionate kisses, groaning from time to time as he tries speaking with occasional moans which only turned you on. His dick continued to work inside of you, pounding into your tight pussy with greed.

Kashimo smirks against your lips before continuing to kiss you deeply. He moves his hips gently, grinding against you creating an intensified sensation as the tip of his dick constantly hits your spot. "You're just a dirty little whore for me."

Hajime presses his lips to yours, his tongue dancing against yours as he continues to thrust inside of your spongy walls. Whimpering and moaning, Kashimo already has you getting fucked out that you can't even form proper sentences to say. "You're such a filthy little slut," Hajime groans, his cock finding the perfect rhythm inside of you. "I bet you beg for more every time."

Kashimo doesn't neglect your breasts, noticing the hardening mounds, his large hand wraps around your soft chest and starts to knead. Your moans were muffled into the kiss, nipples being tugged and played with. Kashimo brings the kiss down from your jawline to your collarbone and soon reaching your sensitive breasts, feeling his hot breath fan against you.

At this rate your body couldn't take any more, the man was too good. He fills your head with sultry whispers as he fucks you dumb.

"So damn cock hungry and I've only started," "you like me pounding into your guts don't you?" "That's my good little slut."

You were getting fucked senseless especially with occasional sparks of lightning that seeps out from him being unable to hold back. Kashimo intensifies the pleasure though, even catching you in surprise as you didn't think it was even possible to be fucked any better. His muscular arms easily work with your body, snaking under your fragile legs to swiftly put you in a mating press. He had a look of greed and lust as he almost desperately pound into you.

The position you were in now allowed his dick to hit places even you can't reach. You gasp at the feeling of his tip expertly hitting your womb, eyes widening as your moans only grew. The way you were now has you trapped between him and Kashimo had full control over the situation. You were simply under his mercy and his predatory smile only grew. The only thought in his mind now was to just fuck you.

"Fuck," Kashimo growls against your ear, his length working faster inside of you. His hand grips your hips tightly as he continues to bring you pleasure. "You're fucking incredible."

Sweat drips down from him onto you. "Fuck, you feel so good y/n," he groans, his eyes locked onto yours as his thrusts start to get sloppy. His hips slam into you roughly now. He releases one hand to grip your neck, the other now clenching the sheets beneath him. "You're so damn perfect."

"Shit- Hajime I can't—" you were beginning to reach your climax, unable to hold back any longer. Your whimpers turned into cries and he only made it harder for you to hold back with how he had you in a gentle choke, his grip on your neck sends a light course of electricity running through your body. Your eyes rolled back a bit more as your body turns out limp in pleasure just for him to use.

"Fu- hah shit- you wanna cum? You wanna c-cum huh?" Kashimo breathes, the words more of a moan than anything else. He's close now, feeling you wrap around him, milking his cock as he fucks you faster and harder. You could only nod vigorously, overstimulated by all this and moaning desperately for sweet relief. "Let's- ah fuck. Let's cum together."

Kashimo's just as impatient as you are now, both of you needing to reach your climax. "Y/n—" Kashimo groans, feeling his climax building once more within him. "I love you so much." With one last powerful thrust, he releases his hot seed deep inside you, tip entering your womb as he fills you up and his face is dusted with a reddish blush. Your mixed fluids coating your insides. He gives your ass a rough smack and with his spanking came more electrifying sensation sending you over the edge.

He leans in close to your neck, biting your supple skin and his teeth digging into you, leaving bite marks. You could feel his veiny cock twitching and throbbing inside of you, pussy clenching around him. Kashimo fits perfectly into you as if you were made for him.

"Hajime!--" Crying out his name loudly, you scream in pleasure and the room is filled with both your moans and grunts, whimpers and cries. You're drooling with tears pricking your eyes, blushing and taking in the erotic sight of milking him dry.

Kashimo then moves to kiss you, lips locking and intertwining as his groans are muffled and so are your cries.

Your back arches, practically screaming moans now as you squirt once more, both your release mixing as your walls tighten around to keep him inside. He groans at the feel, riding out his orgasm. Coating his cock with love juice, you're gripping the sheets beneath you and finally Kashimo's thrusts slow down into a halt and he pulls away from the kiss, looking down at the mess below him, taking in the sight of your beauty.

Both of you are panting heavily, unable to say anything yet from how much stimulation you went through.

His abs were splattered with your squirt due to the mating press, balls deep in you and his hard cock painted with both your cum. You both stayed there until he finally speaks up.

"Fuck, y/n," Kashimo murmurs as he pulls out of your pussy, his lips and tongue trailing over your jaw in sync. "You make me so fucking happy."

He chuckles when you can only whimper as a response, "was I too rough? Sorry. Couldn't help myself, after all your fucking perfect." He leans down closer to you, hot breath fanning your ear when he mutters, "love you so much baby..."

"Love you too..." You croak out, tired from earlier.

Kashimo nibbles at your earlobe, his warm lips against your colder skin then he showers you with sweet kisses. Making sure to give attention to your lips, cheeks, forehead, neck, anything at all, he lays soft kisses on them.

Kashimo plops himself down beside you, chest heaving from panting and he wraps his strong arms around your small frame. He hums and nuzzles against the crook of your neck, resting there for a moment and it makes you giggle from seeing this soft sight. Kashimo had always been a brute fighter so it made you feel special whenever he only shows this sweet side of him to you.

"Jime..." You call out to him, your angelic voice like music to his ears. He'd always melt to your touch, your voice, your love.

"Hm?"

"That was amazing."

Kashimo chuckles more, his smile was so captivating to you. He looked so soft and gentle when he smiles, so sweet and it makes you forget that this man was the strongest in the Edo period who goes around causing mass murders to challengers who provoke him.

"Love you so much y/n. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

You bring your small hand up to cup his cheek, pulling him closer into a comforting kiss and he reciprocates, returning the love as you felt his smile grow. You stay there for a moment until soon enough both of you ran out I'd breath, panting when you pull away.

Kashimo wanted more kisses but he didn't want to tire you out too much. He hums, "do you wanna drink anything?"

"Water is fine."

"Alright," he sits up and gets off the bed, leaving you alone for a moment but you can still feel his warmth in his side of the bed. He made sure to cover you with the blanket first and you cuddled into it, nuzzling his pillow and taking in his comforting scent.

Kashimo returns with a glass of water, his other hand held warm cloth for you to clean yourself up with.

You attempt to stand, seeing him invite you to join him and clean yourselves up but as you laid your foot on the ground, you wobbled a bit. Kashimo instantly catches you before you could fall though. "Are you alright? Do you need me to carry you?"

You laugh a bit, "yeah. You did this after all."

"Pfft, alright," he sets the glass down on the nightstand and easily carries you up in his muscular arms. He gives you a peck, being held in a bridal style, allowing you to take in the view of his chiseled chest, sharp jawline, soft cyan hair. The golden light shining in through the window also reflected his good looks.

Your hand goes up to gently brush over the lightning patterns at his bottom eyelids and he closes his eyes, leaning into your touch. You stayed there for a few seconds and it was the most comforting silence you've ever felt. Kashimo's eyes open, showing off his bright cyan orbs, smiling down at you.

"Come on. Let's take a shower."