#but I never thought about how wraith tech thinks about her >:3

[girlscience]

Decided to start my rewatch with The Gift because I had fairly recently watched the other season 1 episodes and just wanted to jump straight in. It did make me laugh though, I was talking about Teyla earlier and I completely forgot that is a Teyla centric episode.

[tzigone]

Very interesting thoughts. I had not thought about wraiths at all, and that is a very interesting way to go with him. The idea of Rick having journals - not as much a fan. Too easy for Fi to get information by finding them. We know he left the magic book with Melinda, but he doesn't seem to have shared any real findings with anyone, though he made no secrets of his paranormal interest.

I absolutely definitely agree about Candy, Ryan, etc. believing her even before she brings Rick back. She has, IMO, been unknowingly raising her "army" along this tour. I think they need to be involved for the story to work. Though their involvement may be limited to using Tad's software (Jack and other regulars having a larger role to play) - someone brought this up (in regards to original plans and such) and technology is so entwined in this show (methods Rick used to communicate, method Fi uses to communicate with other allies) in some ways that some sort of energy to fight the big bad evil that wants to "conquer and subjugate" just works to me. Tech used to combine the forces (of the humans, aliens, Atlateans) to fight that evil.

Fi is the one meant to do that - should that be before or after she gets her father back? She needs to be the leader, and I'm afraid his presence could detract from that. Then again, if Molly and John are on-board, then we already have other adults in play. Still have no idea how the actual final battle goes down.

I don't agree Fi is bad a keeping secrets - she kept Bigfoot a secret just fine. She just doesn't want to keep most of these things secret.

I don't know how much Molly could spend if her addiction is just alcohol - it's a lot cheaper than drugs. But then, one can buy a lot of things while one is drunk.

I never got the feeling her addiction lasted that long (from Chrysalis outline, she didn't expect Jack to remember, so it seems it must have ended when he was still quite young).

If she was worth 10 million, she could have had 300k a year easily on pretty conservative investments (and it would keep growing at that withdrawal rate), so that's upper-middle class (without a job). Unless she invested poorly or panic sold. Could have done that before Rick died, really (1987 stock market crash). So much depends on how much you think she had to start.

Bruce Springsteen apparently earned 56 million in 1987. Now that's gross earnings (before agents' fees, expenses, taxes, etc.). But a third of that (agent and manager alone get 25%-30%) would be 18.67 million, then 2/3 of that to the Phillips is 12.4 million (though agent wouldn't get a percent of royalties, just concerts, I think - tried to look this stuff up, but all the information online is recent, not 40 years ago standards). Knock it down by half because Springsteen was the highest earner of the year so 6.2 million. Knock off another 55% for taxes (huge estimation there), so 2.79 million per year. They had 8+ years as great sellers, but taxes were higher earlier and of course they were going to spend money on things like the house, as you said.

Hell, apparently in 1991, New Kids on the Block earned 115 million. But I remember their popularity among the 5th-grade-set. I expect there was significant merchandise involved.

Do you think the PKB just got forgotten about quickly after they disbanded? Because if re-releases were still being done, they'd still be making money. There are royalties for radio play, too.

I think I put too much thought into this.

I've been looking up medium and long-term health consequences of bone marrow transplants, too - again, something where I have to try to find older information, rather than newer. I may fixate on the wrong things sometimes.

Just odds and ends - feel free to answer what piques your interest and ignore the rest

Money - with 6 hit albums and Rick and Molly writing songs (and I would think owning publishing, since Irene is very good at her job), I was thinking Molly ought to at least have tens of millions of dollars. Though we see nothing indicating that. Thoughts?

Do you have any good ideas on how to incorporate Atlantis/the cheese wheel in the final battle? I'm contemplating a headcanon where Rebecca's families are genetically Atlantean. I just kind of like the idea of her being able to have a world in-sync with aging and have a real life and keep connections and so on.

Any ideas for future careers for Fi, Jack, and Clu? I've thought about urban planning or child psychologist for Jack - something helping people or making the world a better place. Fi could totally pursue tech, as she likes that, but she loves the supernatural and fighting evil. And, with her tech-ness, maybe long-term that could end up with website/channel about those thing while she did some traveling and world-saving. Clu's a difficult one for me - we've seen him try to make a documentary once and I guess John Kane could give him entry into the field. But I'm not sure I regard that as more than a passing fancy.

After the end - original season 3 version: Rick is back from the dead. I know Fi would want the whole world to know the truth of what happened. That would make things very different that our world. If we keep the SW-world outwardly seeming like the real world for the majority, then they are going to have to come up with a story about Rick. Any ideas on what it could be?

TZIGONE!! You have been in the fandom and the forum for years, and your questions always push me to think outside the box. I welcome it! I’m going to try my best to answer all of them.

#1 - One

I’ve actually been working on something like this for a few weeks now! Ned’s comment to Molly about “being back in our old studio” (Medium) made me think of it. It’s too long to put here, and it’s very speculative, but there will be an upcoming deep dive on the success of PKB.

With that said, there’s a gap between Rick’s death and Molly restarting her music career. Chrysalis sort of fills in the blanks that Molly was an alcoholic after her husband died.

She might've spent a lot on her addiction (since we’re not sure how long that went on) and recovery (did she go to rehab?), lived off some of it before working in ads, and maybe doesn’t keep a lot of cash on hand for the sake of holding herself accountable.

Rick could’ve had life insurance, they likely purchased their million-dollar home outright, we mostly hear Ned and Irene discuss money woes (the struggle of putting two boys through college, most of Nightmare, etc.), so Jack and Fi are likely set up, and are we sure Hope Springs High is a public school? The students spent at least three days of their spring break doing a science fair that involved a live performance complete with a buffet line for lunch. That doesn’t seem public-funded.

My conclusion is comfortably upper class because they pinch pennies and are cash poor. Their net worth, not income, might be a few million.

#2 - Two

This one’s a little tricky but here’s what I came up with: in the original s3 Fi is contacted by an alien who is also a teenager with a lost parent and the same thing is happening throughout the universe that had sentient life on it.

The alien that contacts her is from space (above Earth), Atlantis is in the ocean (below Earth), and Fi is on Earth. She is “the destined leader in the fight against evil” … because she is the center. The alien is a teen, meaning it ages, but Rebecca (a possible Atlantean) is also a teenager, but ages slower, and has not lost a parent. Her existence goes against nature.

But as above so below, so – and maybe this isn’t what you wanted but it’s where my brain has gone – does Fi have to, literally, break the wheel to free Rebecca from her immortality and right the universe? Or maybe similar to the Banshee tradeoff Fi gets a compromise that lets Rick live and Rebecca have a real life and remain immortal (or not)?

Rebecca’s family collected artifacts and Carey teased it would be the cheese wheel that finds Fi next time. While researching her father’s death Fi could come across old photos of Molly and Rebecca with the cheese wheel in the background. Fi can’t stop thinking about it and wheelie knows that.

Unrelated: do we think the cheese wheel can roll like Rubber (2010)? I don’t think it would get that, pardon my language, cheesy and it shouldn’t be a gimmick but if it works…

#3 - Three

Jack would make a great child psychologist... or guidance counselor or recovery companion (the Chrysalis ending sort of plays in there). Long-term he could work within the prison system as an educator or even social worker. He has that no-nonsense approach.

Clu is tough! Like you, I don’t put much weight in his film making endeavors. UC Santa Cruz is known for research and public service. Mutiny’s a good example of his compassion, plus he has an interest in surfing, so maybe something to do with oceanic sciences? Not necessarily a biologist (although wouldn’t that be a twist!), but maybe he uses his social skills to do presentations, apply for grants, and get funding for research projects. Aside from s3, which can be excluded or not, we don’t ever see how college *changes* him as he enters adulthood so that leaves a lot of possibilities.

I agree with Fi getting in tech, maybe as a web developer for others (like helping lawyers have user-friendly websites since she practically insults Rachel’s note and research skills in Avatar😆). Through the show we see Tad give her software upgrades that she uses out of their initial, so she could end up working for (with) Tad. She could even expand her blog posts and online journal to a published book. More than Jack and Clu, I see Fi taking on different careers simultaneously.  

#4 - Four

Hmm. Fi WOULD want everyone to know because she’s not good at secrets (like telling the internet about Rebecca), and this is where Fi’s credibility comes in to play. Fi’s time on the road and chronicling her experience means she has “proof” of other supernatural phenomenon that people like Ryan, Candy, James, Rebecca, Claire, etc. could believe and defender her on, even before she helps bring her dad back.  

We don’t know if Rick shared his findings, who with, or kept journals, so, yes, Fi would want to share and have an ally in Rick, but it would ultimately be his decision what to say. The safest explanation, as a writer, would be to play with folklore/the supernatural and, like the show, make up what suits the story.

For instance, wraiths are a supernatural creature So Weird never touched on. When I first learned about them I understood they were only allowed to come back to life after they fulfilled an order/task. Maybe in Rick’s case his task was guiding Fi (Web Sight, Troll, Twin) to save the universe. Other stories have wraiths as the enemy of vampires (!!) who haunt the living - think Molly’s dialogue at the end of Medium, Another World performance in Encore, the ending of The Muse. Rick could be that, a mix of wraith characteristics that still identify him as one, before returning entirely.

That’s pretty out there BUT even Ryan accepted an unreasonable theory. And because of how Werewolf and Lost ended happily, as long as they’re not thought of too hard, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched if everyone accepted the story.

Rick’s return would be akin to Kamilah’s revival after a decade, except he wasn't in a coma, and Laura’s ability to change depending on the time of day, except he would be permanent.

Molly, Jack, the Bells, John Kane, the fans - they all knew he was dead. His every moment would be the proof that what happened, happened. And his return would give credibility to Fi's other findings and the people touched by her travels the same way that their experiences with her would give credibility that Rick’s story should be believed, whatever it may be.  

Hopefully the lengthy answers make up for the lengthy response time. You always ask great questions, and hopefully you got some ideas out of this.

[rodneymckays]

stargate episodes that should have been, part 20: an alternate reality episode where cam went to atlantis and sheppard joined sg-1. in this universe cam wasn’t injured in antarctica and i think that he is the kind of guy who would go to another galaxy for fun and also because he has to do the Best thing he can possibly do and that’s going to another galaxy. sheppard for whatever reason didn’t sit in the chair but did still fly jack down to antarctica so when they’re looking for sg-1’s fourth jack is like “well there’s this guy i met who kinda reminds me of me except he likes antarctica for some reason” so he becomes sg-1’s fourth under sam’s command. i think at first that would cause issues because of his problems with following orders + sam is new to her command and feeling somewhat insecure about it BUT these issues aren’t with sheppard disobeying sam’s orders they’re just sam worrying that he will. because sheppard only disobeys orders that he sees as bad and from what i remember of s4 + his personality in general he really respects sam. anyways this is actually a 3-parter because you have the sg-1 episode where our sg-1 meets the other sg-1, the atlantis episode where our atlantis people meet the other atlantis people, and then the crossover where they all meet one another because you can’t have the sheppards and the cams not meet themselves. i have no idea where in the timeline it is beyond “not season 4” because there are inconsistencies, but whatever. it’s also very long so i am using paragraph breaks for once!! also i will be putting a 1 after the duplicates from the show universe and a 2 after the duplicates from the au for clarity. (everyone without a number is the only one of themselves present and is from the au). also i definitely got carried away and this is too much plot and not enough character interaction even though i originally thought this one up for the character interactions, oops.

EPISODE 1: SG-1. somehow, our sg-1(1) is pulled through to this other reality. something to do with ba’al messing with some ancient tech in the other reality. the sg-1(2) of that reality, led by sam2 and featuring a major sheppard2, has snuck onto the ha’tak ba’al is using as his base of operations. they run into our sg-1(1) and there’s some spider-man pointing meme and then sam1 and sam2 start discussing how this could have happened while the valas compliment each other’s hair and cam1 and sheppard2 go “wait but you’re supposed to be in atlantis” “no, YOU’RE supposed to be in atlantis.” eventually we find out that ba’al is using ancient tech to develop a hyperdrive capable of traveling between galaxies, which the goa’uld don’t have. his test destination is the pegasus galaxy because he figures that if it works for one jump but then fails, then he can just turn up at atlantis and ask the tau’ri for help again after threatening them lightly to save face. obviously the humans don’t want ba’al going to pegasus, because we like our villains to stay confined to just one galaxy, and also if his hyperdrive works then he could destroy atlantis or ally himself with the wraith or be defeated by the wraith and have his ship captured and now the wraith have an intergalactic hyperdrive or—well, there’s lots of ways it could go wrong, and sg-1(1) gets the point that they need to help sg-1(2) stop ba’al. they spend much of the episode tracking ba’al and sneaking around the ship, until they finally corner ba’al in the engine room and teal’c2 shoots him. unfortunately, they enter hyperspace almost immediately after this, and are captured by… another ba’al. END.

EPISODE 2: ATLANTIS. somehow, our atlantis team1 is pulled through to this other reality. something to do with mckay2 and zelenka messing with some ancient tech in the other reality. our atlantis team1 is quickly locked in interrogation rooms because who are they and why is major sheppard with them instead of colonel mitchell? this tips off mckay1 to the fact that they’re now in an alternate reality. fortunately mckay2 and zelenka have already reached this conclusion and they’re let out of the interrogation rooms just in time for news to reach atlantis that a ha’tak has arrived in pegasus. (and also before ronon1 and ronon2 start fighting instead of just glaring menacingly at one another, because who thought it was a good idea to have ronon2 interrogate ronon1. he didn’t even ask any questions.) alternate weir decides to send the atlantis team2 in to investigate but mckay2 is like “i’ll need someone to help me with the goa’uld tech, we’ll take zelenka” but zelenka is immediately like “no?? there’s another you here. take him. i don’t like leaving the city” so it’s decided that both mckays will go, and you can’t send mckay1 without the rest of his team so EVERYONE is going. they take two jumpers because mitchell2 and sheppard1 both want to fly the jumper. when they arrive through the space gate that the ha’tak is near, they see a badly damaged wraith hive with no life signs. the ha’tak has also taken some damage, but much less, and they’re able to fly through a hole in the hull to board. they detect minimal life signs: two on the bridge, eleven in the cells, and a few others scattered around that must be ba’al’s jaffa. the group decides to split up; they toss a coin and mitchell’s team2 goes to the bridge while sheppard’s team1 goes to the cells. when sheppard’s team1 arrives at the cells, they find them unguarded but locked. mckay1 cracks the lock and we see the cell doors slide open. cut to the bridge. when mitchell’s team2 arrives, they see one of the dots on the life signs detector begin to fade. mckay2 gets the door open just in time to see ba’al collapse to the floor, having been fed on by a wraith. END.

EPISODE 3: CROSSOVER. what the hell, ba’al is in a wraith now. (i’ve always wondered about what would happen if the goa’uld met the wraith; would they fight and if so who would win? or would a goa’uld take a wraith as a host? is that even possible? i say yes because it’s Fun.) the symbiote entered the wraith and then promptly fed on his former host because he was hungry. this is obviously Terrible News because the wraith are bad enough but tbh they’re not very smart. ba’al is. mitchell’s atlantis team2 all point their weapons at him and radio sheppard’s atlantis team1 to let them know there’s now a goa’uld with a wraith host. sheppard1 responds and says “ok, we’ll we’ve got two sg-1s here. and also todd” to which mitchell2 replies “who the hell is todd?” (“pale skin, long hair, likes to suck your soul out with his hand but makes it weird by returning your soul ten minutes later?” “oh you mean casper.” “what the hell kind of a name is casper?” “what the hell kind of a name is todd?!”) we find out that “casper”, who is of course alternate todd but was named casper by mitchell2, was on the hive ba’al disabled. he and one other wraith were taken aboard the ha’tak, and he was put in the cell for later in case the first implantation of a wraith didn’t work. he’s willing to help everyone defeat wraith ba’al, because goa’ulds taking wraith as hosts is bad for the wraith too. so they do some stuff, and with much difficulty, kill wraith ba’al. it’s harder than killing a normal wraith because he has the goa’uld regenerative ability, and also he keeps feeding on his jaffa to recover after being shot. eventually they manage to trick him into a set of rings and space him. then they have to decide what to do with the ha’tak. casper wants it for himself because of the intergalactic hyperdrive and turns on them. they manage to activate the self destruct and flee back to the jumpers. they believe that casper is destroyed in the self destruct, but he survives somehow. the rest of the episode is the sams, mckays, and zelenka trying to figure out how to send sg-1(1) and the atlantis team1 home. we also get a few character moments between everyone and their counterparts: cam2 and both sheppards discuss puddlejumpers while cam1 is sad because he doesn’t have the gene and never received gene therapy so he can’t fly a puddlejumper. they break into medical to convince beckett to give cam1 the gene therapy; they’re pretty sure it’ll work on him since it worked on cam2. it does, and the cams and the sheppards immediately have a race to the mainland and back. (the sheppards win, but it’s close, and the cams try to blame it on the fact that cam1 has never flown a jumper before while everyone else has.) the daniels go to the library together and share their knowledge about the ancients and the ori; mostly they know the same stuff but they do both learn a few new things. the ronons fight one another. it’s a draw. the teylas and the teal’cs watch the ronons fight, and then meditate. the valas flit between each of the groups and compare their versions of everyone. vala1 ends up in weir’s office and bugs her with a bunch of questions until weir actually puts down her work and just Hangs Out. vala2 ends up with the cams and the sheppards because she’s absolutely best buds with sheppard2 and desperately wants to meet sheppard1. anyways after everyone hangs out for awhile they go home and it’s a very :) ending, which is what they need after All That.

i like this character swap idea a lot because after watching the pegasus project i was kinda chomping at the bit for more character interaction between sheppard and the rest of sg-1. particularly vala. more after the cut cause i wanna yell about all the other stuff i love about this!!

i also like the idea of sheppard not being in the team leader position. it makes me wonder what him following orders offworld, particularly sam’s, would look like. i don’t remember him and sam butting heads over command decisions in quite the same way him and elizabeth did at the start (sheppard wanting to go go go, make slapdash decisions, usually in an effort to help people, altho sometimes misguided, particularly in hot zone, vs elizabeth who was often looking towards a less militaristic approach, i.e not trading explosives to the genii, not torturing a POW etc. and who took her time making decisions). but then again, both sam and john are military. so, it’d be interesting to see how sam manages him along with the rest of the team. also, since hes not in a leadership position (no ones counting on him to keep the team together), would he be even more gungho about the self-sacrifice play? or just the same as ever? anyway, enough about john (once i start, i can’t stop, it seems), let’s get into the episodes!!

Episode 1:

“if it works for one jump but then fails, then he can just turn up at atlantis and ask the tau’ri for help again after threatening them lightly to save face.” LMAO truly ba’al’s modus operandi.

and the wraith potentially stealing hyperdrive technology is DEFINITELY something sg teams of all universes and galaxies should team up to put a stop to. a whole new galaxy to feed on?? not to mention earth??? NOT GREAT. the situation definitely calls for earth’s mightiest heroes squared.

also i appreciate a good sneak on an alien ship. especially times 2. and who would partner with who?? so many fun character combos!

Episode 2:

LMFAO OKAY. ronon vs ronon is such a ronon thing that i laughed out loud. both of them would definitely wanna know which one was tougher. also. also. i would love for zelenka and mckay1 to have a science twin moment and mckay2 to get all proprietary and be like “get ur own!”

i can’t imagine rodney would get along all that well with himself so its a good thing the rest of the teams will be there to run interference. and be separated on the ride there bahaha. cam and sheppard would totally fight over who gets to fly the cool spaceship (the teylas look at each other with raised eyebrows of sympathy and respect. both teams require them to pull on their reserves of infinite patience).

OOOO and ending on a CLIFFHANGER and INTRIGUE, QUICKLY, to the next episode!

Episode 3:

u kno, i was thinking earlier, after reading the first episode, what would an interaction between goa’uld and wraith look like? my immediate thought was, they are either gonna join forces to crush the stupid humans or fight because the goa’uld kinda need those humans for indentured servitude and, u kno, living. or, u kno, they would fight just because their ginormous egos clashed. but NEVER did the thought occur to me that a goa’uld might take a wraith as its host for its superior genetic makeup over humans (super strength, jedi mind tricks, telepathy etc.) and this is why ur brain is amazing. and a smart, conniving creature in control of a wraith body…spells trouble. and i didn’t even consider the double healing factor which would make any wraith on par with an uber wraith (that i dont remember ever seeing after the defiant one lol).

also cam naming his todd casper means everything to me. his ability to drop movie/pop culture references no one gets/appreciates is extremely endearing.

another amazing thing about this; sam actually gets to science with mckay and zelenka FOR ONCE. i’m really sad we were deprived this in season 4, like i get sam was the leader of the expedition in that season, and it wasn’t her job to be doing science/where is the time, but u can’t take the science out of the girl, no sir. i just wanted the beautiful mind children to be techno babbling it up, all with a begrudging respect for one another, as everyone stares in awe and confusion.

and cam gets to fly cool spaceships!!!! for leisure! with no one threatening his life! he did not get to do enough flying imo. and the teyla’s definitely deserve meditation time after dealing with double of their rambunctious team. and YES elizabeth deserves to have fUN. vala is the best person to help her with that. and vala and sheppard!!!! being buds!!! ALL I HAVE EVERY WANTED FROM STARGATE! what a fantastic ending to a wonderful series of episodes.

[paynnincorporated]

All this musing about how much Word needed Zulay and the Dragon Eyes post exile for both company and villainy is making her death in canon even more tragic istg. These were their evil plans for the world. Her passing probably really fucked up Word from really being able to carry out his dragon human war plans until a little later.

Anyway, some extra headcanons on Word + my ideas on reworking his character no one asked for but will get anyway:

His clawed hand is a prosthetic, after his hand got blasted to bits from Zulay’s accident. (This is canon btw) Someone else had the headcanon that he also lost his hearing due to the blast, resulting in the crown being some fancy hearing aid.

Since the show’s not suuuper clear on wtf Word’s actual motive is for a DH war, I’m going to chalk it up as purely an innocent accident. Made a comic for this, but retconning that haha.

Zulay’s accident traumatised Word into being paranoid about untested/experimental gear. Funnily enough, Paynn Inc gear undergoes the most rigorous safety tests out of the Big 3 companies (Saurcom, Leviacorp, Reptilico), and is one of the most reliable and safe on the streets. In Changelings, Moordryd stealing his gear probably led to a looooooooot of offscreen panic and rebuke.

Some more angst is that he doesn’t deal with grime/mess on himself very well (Having your wife and her dragon’s remains blasted onto you will do that). Also that he doesn’t take medium/raw meat very well, the bloody taste reminds him a little too much about the accident.

Let’s not make him cartoonishly terrible to Moordryd, even downright physically abusive. My characterisation of Word is that he cares and tries to be a better parent. Moordryd is his only son and reminder of Zulay. Dude wanted a kid, and they were going to have this empire to themselves until tragedy struck. Turn him into the sort of evil parent that would ravage the world for his family. Does that mean he’s a good parent? Not necessarily haha. He’s still a grouch, and the two of them still yell at each other, but he makes the effort to care and show affection in his own way.

Word’s a research buff. Cue post-cult Word digging into reading and researching just to understand and fit into society better. It doesn’t work very well, and Zulay finds him to be an endearing dork. This is also the case for literally any aspect of his life lmao. Probably poured through a lot of books on pregnancy, child care and so forth when Zulay was pregnant with Moordryd. (I’ve joked about him hooking those labour simulation devices onto himself to experiment haha!) Probably attempted XYZ ways to bond with Moordryd after reading about “How to communicate and build healthy relationships with your children” and then failing many many times XD.

Post-cult Word was barely scraping by on the streets with Abandonn, the dragon he grew up with from the dragon priesthood. Dirt poor and maybe a little feral from being ditched with nothing by his supposed family, his scramble to win races is powered by his early, scrappy versions of gear.

This ultimately attracts the attention of Zulay (leader of the Dragon Eye crew) and he gets pulled under her wing. Cue some very cute shenanigans of Zulay showing him the ropes around not just surviving, but thriving, in Down City. This is a very good time for them both, with the Dragon Eyes becoming stronger under Zulay’s leadership and Word’s tech. Zulay and some of the Dragon Eyes quickly become Word’s friends (Abyll). With their backing, he sets off starting Paynn Inc.

I initially thought Word and Zulay would be more rivals to lovers but it’s honestly business partners to friends to lovers. Word didn’t really have anyone besides his dragon until Zulay, she means very much to him. Meanwhile, Zulay was probably charmed by his “innocence”, ingenuity and ambition. Who knew people with dubious morals would fit so well together?

Unfortunately, post-Zulay’s death, the leadership vacuum in the Dragon Eyes and Word’s inability to lead causes their numbers to dwindle. The crew’s initial strength diminishes great. It’s why Moordryd’s current crew is so small, it never could quite recover to its heyday when Word was at its helm. Word is secretly proud his son has his ragtag group of friends as his crew, it’s very much what Zulay had going on with the Dragon Eyes in the past.

His own past with the priests colours his want to be a better parent-ish for Moordryd. Ie. Moordryd would never not be provided for materially (Unlike Connor pft). He does forget his son’s existence at times though, when throwing himself into work/schemes. Ooft.  True abandonment is the furthest from his mind, however. (Think Wraith Booster but Word forgetting his son has white repel gear and what do you mean he’s crawled out of the safety dome-) The affection/emotional side of things is also a huge struggle.

I’m not sure about his and Zulay’s motivations for a dragon human war, but I’ll take a stab at it. Quite a bit of Word’s want for a DHW is due to the Dragon Priest’s influence. Growing up learning that war was coming what with the direction of how humanity was treating dragons, he probably thought instigating that conflict and then offering aid like some benevolent ruler would likely stop it and secure some semblance of “true” peace. Maybe the priests had him and connor grow up with abused dragons. Abandonn as Word’s main companion and the knowledge that he was mistreated made Word develop some general misanthropy. Ofc, getting together with Zulay and co who are also morally dubious, their plans leaned more towards selfish goals of power and control than peace. They do love dragons, but the ends justify the means and wraith gear is a necessary evil. *shrugs*

Maybe I shouldn’t think too deeply into these characters so much haha.

[miraithislife]

Miraith Part 3 <3 (little long oop)

“Did you...ever have a family...?” She asked in a soft, curious voice. Wraith had been nestled warmly by the fireplace in Mirage’s private condo. It was filled with pictures, collectibles, and posters of him, of course, along with all of his trophies and medals from the Games, fan mail, fan art, comics, and practically anything else related to him. 

“My family?” Mirage repeated in surprise, not really expecting her to ask that of him. He was in the kitchen, making them both some warm mugs of hot chocolate to treat the increasingly bitter cold from which they’d just sought refuge. “Well, yea. I have a family. I’m the youngest of four. Four boys. Had to screw around to get attention, you know.” 

Wraith scoffed, “Bet that wasn’t hard for you to do.” She brought the blanket (with a full length Mirage printed onto it) more snugly around her shoulders, having replaced Mirage’s coat, which was hung neatly in the closet by the front door. 

Mirage grinned, “Nope.” He laughed. “We were definitely a handful for our parents.”  

Wraith bit her lip embarrassedly and looked to the crackling flames when realizing she had no idea what those were. She knew everyone had them, she’d heard the term before. Something about it was vaguely familiar. She wanted to ask, but the words stopped in her throat. Would she sound weird for asking such a ridiculous thing? 

What would he think of her if she did? 

What if he thought she was joking?

What would he think when realizing she was being serious?

A pit grew in Wraith’s stomach as her anxieties grew, and she began to get a headache from overthinking. 

It’s Mirage. He’ll understand. She self-consoled. 

Wraith took a breath and asked (after conjuring up the bravery) in a voice soft as silk, “What are parents?” 

Mirage looked over at her. The look in her eyes told him she was being genuine and serious. “Uh,” he began, not wanting his surprise or delay in response to come off judgemental or make her feel bad. “Well...parents are the people who take care of you. Claim you as your own, cause, uh. They gave birth to you? Well no your mom does that part...the dad just--ahem.” He shrugged. “Yea they take care of and love you, basically. Raise ya. All that fun stuff.” He picked out two mugs from the cupboard.

Well, that wasn’t so bad. She thought.

Did she ever have parents...? She wondered.

“You have parents?” She asked.

“Well, yea.” Mirage replied, setting them on the countertop and closing the cupboard. “Everyone has parents, right?” 

Wraith solemnly averted her gaze to her hands, saying quietly. “Right.” 

Mirage winced. “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean--” 

“It’s alright.” She said, rather shortly. 

Mirage rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I mean, not everyone has parents.” He said in an attempt to make it better. He shrugged and said in a tone to play it off, “Besides, it’s not like having parents make you cool or anything.” He removed the pitcher from the stove once the water’d heated to the perfect temperature. 

“At least not mine, heh. I mean, what kind of parents tell you you were an accident baby and try to sell you online?” He began pouring the water into each of the mugs, “OnLINE.” He stressed. “And for FREE?” He passionately continued, still holding the steaming pitcher, waving it along with his animated hand gestures and story retelling. Wraith raised the blanket to her mouth, she couldn’t help but softly giggle at his increasing annoyance as he recalled the memory. 

Mirage was too enraged to notice her adorable little laugh. “I mean, hell. Like okay, I was an accident and you wanna sell me, but for free?” He gestured to himself. “I mean, look at me, I’m amazing! I’m handsome, I’m smart, I’ve got fans--I’ve gotta be worth a nice rack of pork chops at the very least. And I was the cutest little thing, too.” Mirage set the pitcher down, crossing his arms and leaning against the refrigerator. He shook his head, confused as to why he was so unwanted, “I had chubby cheeks...I had curls…”

“What were your parents like?” Wraith asked. “Aside from wanting to sell you, of course.” 

“My mom was the sweetest woman you’d ever meet. Beautiful. Smart. Funny. She was great.” Mirage began, the selling incident instantly leaving his mind. He stood and resumed finishing the hot chocolate, adding the cocoa powder. “She was crazy smart. My mother was an engineer. She’d make things, design things, build things, break a few things.” He laughed. “That was always funny.” He laughed again. “She makes me, well, me.” He said, raising his arms to bask in his glory. “Mirage.” 

He plopped a couple marshmallows into each of the mugs. Carefully, he carried the mugs to the living room and set them on the glass coffee table. He moved the gold and red accent pillows on his sleek dark gray couch to allow himself a seat next to Wraith. “She introduced me to illusion-creating tech. And...well, long story short I got obsessed and addicted, went to school and learned about mechanisms and doohickeys and whatchamacallits, and, well, yea, here I am.” He handed her her mug first. 

“Then we made some pretty cool stuff together. My favorites were all the holo tech, I mean come on look at this baby.” He said proudly with a smug look on his face, gesturing to his outfit. “Worked at the bar for who knows how long, heard about the Games and wanted to join, sounded pretty fun. But I didn’t want to leave my mother alone, you know, since everyone else was gone.” His face fell. 

“Until one day she came up to me after a long day of work and gave me a set of customized holo devices and told me to follow my dream.” He looked at her and smiled. “So, I did. And I promised to give her some money to help her get out of some long overdue debts and out of the slums and dirt we’d always lived in. I can finally say I’ve helped make her happy, now. I make sure she’s taken care of before going off to compete, cause you know, never know if that’s my last time seeing her.”

Wraith failed to suppress the warmth that washed over heart. “She sounds amazing.” She took the mug graciously. “Thank you.” 

Mirage smiled, “Yea, she really is. Everything I do now in the Games is for her.”

Wraith couldn’t help but feel her heart warm her chest. She’d always seen Mirage as silly and rather self-centered, but it turned out, to her pleasant surprise, that there were things that truly mattered to him more than just women, fans, or having the spotlight on him. “She’s lucky to have such a great son like you. I’m sure you two have always been really close.” 

Mirage blushed at her compliment, “Thank you.” He wrinkled his nose and shrugged, “Nah, not always. We didn’t really get along that well at first (which was entirely my fault), and we kinda just bonded after my three older brothers died in the Frontier War, so all she had was me by default.” He laughed wryly. “But honestly with the engineering thing, it helped make it work. Now I can’t imagine life without her.” He took a sip from his hot chocolate, only then realizing Wraith hadn’t. 

“Don’t like hot chocolate?” He asked.

“Oh, no, that’s not it.” she replied. “I’ve just never had it.” Her eyes didn’t move from the chocolate tainted white blobs floating in her mug. “What are those?”

Mirage scoffed, “What are those? Only the best things ever!” 

Wraith smiled, “What are they?”

“Marshmallows. Soft, squishy, sweet thingamajigs...I don’t really know what they are, but they make everything a million times better. Especially in hot chocolate.” Mirage replied. “Try it.” 

Wraith looked at him, then back to her mug. Slowly, she curled her full, rounded lips, silently blowing away the steam that arose from the mug, watching it dissipate into the air. She closed her eyes and inhaled the heavenly, chocolatey aroma, exhaling a soft hum of content. Mirage, adorably, watched her place the mug’s rim to her mouth, but couldn’t keep his eyes off her beautifully shaped lips. Keeping her eyes closed, she took a sip. She sighed through her nose in content as the soothing warmth made its way down her throat and through her body, reveling in the cocoa’s richness and the marshmallow’s delicately sweet touch. 

“Mmm.” She opened her eyes and met his. Her heart skipped a beat. The look in his eyes scared her. But...in a good way. There was no doubt he was in total awe and completely enamored of her existence. Mirage couldn’t hide anything from her even if he wanted to, and the throbbing in his chest that burned so fiercely out of love, longing, and desire began to grow to a point at which he couldn’t control or suppress for much longer. 

Her heart raced. 

There was so much she wanted to tell him. 

So much he needed to know. 

So much she wished she had the strength to tell him.

So much she wanted to share with him...in every way possible. 

A blush touching her cheeks, she smiled warmly. “It’s delicious.” 

Mirage beamed. “I’m glad you think so. And that looks good on you, by the way.”

Wraith slightly furrowed her brow, “What does?”

Mirage replied dreamily, “That smile.”

Wraith quickly averted her gaze as her blush deepened, she cleared her throat in attempt to change the subject, “What about your fath--” 

Mirage’s mood changed quickly. “My dad was an absolute scumbag. Was never there. Hit and cheated on my mom. Abused and overworked us boys. Cursed us out. Destroyed the house. Kept us poor and put us down. Drank his life away and took his problems out on us. List goes on and on.” He said with a wave of his hand. 

“Disappeared one day and never came back. Left us dirt poor and starving and took everything my mom owned to sell for money but you know, it was prolla-prabob-parlabol--” He threw his hands up in frustration. “WORDS.” He hastily stood up and made his way to the wall, punching it vehemently. He grabbed his wrist and gasped sharply in pain. He kicked the wall in frustration and sat on the side of his bed, facing the wall. “His leaving was the best thing that ever happened to us.” He ended in spite, fiddling with the straps on his glove. 

Wraith didn’t know what to think.

She had never seen him like this before.

The saddened and angry little boy inside of him was waking up, and she knew that feeling all too well. To feel trapped. To have emotions suppressed and not worked through. To feel resentment and revenge. To want answers. To want to just know why. 

Without a sound, she arose from the cushions and to his side, the bed bouncing a little as she sat. Mirage’s body swayed a little from the movement, his head hung low. Wraith reassuringly laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mirage. I know that must’ve been very hard for you...to not have someone there when you needed them most, let alone cause so much pain...and to not understand why.” 

Her hand gently turned his face to hers, and the look on his face nearly broke her heart. His face fell, his head hung low, and his eyes were full of sorrow and pain. Angry tears pricked his eyes, and several had begun to make their way down his cheeks. 

Wraith continued, gently cupping his face with her hands and using her thumbs to wipe away his tears, “To have things happen out of your control and suffer from it. Whether it’s you or loved ones. Then you question what you did wrong and what you should’ve done right, as if it’s your fault...taking on that burden.” She lifted his face so their eyes met, and with a gentle motion, she brushed his hair from his face and behind his ear, then caressing his cheek in the same manner he had to her earlier. “But that doesn’t make you wrong in how you feel. Your emotions are valid. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to be angry. Just don’t let them define or change who you are.” She smiled. 

Mirage stared at her, speechless.

How did she know what to say? And how to say it? So elegantly and well put?

“That’s...exactly how I feel, Wraith.” Mirage said. He never doubted her past experiences, but the level to which they could relate was so touching it made his heart feel so much lighter. He now knew, finally, at 30 years old, that he wasn’t alone.

Wraith scoffed through a soft laugh. “Well, I know a thing or two about loss and pain.” 

Mirage gently took her hands from his face and cherished them in his, pressing his lips to her knuckles several times, not breaking eye contact. “Well, you’re not alone anymore.”

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Reflection 6 - 7 | Saiyuki Blast 8 - 9 | Katsugeki 9 | BnHA 34 | PriPri 8

Reflection 6

How does Spiderman, or X-On, or anyone speak in one of those mouth-covering suits??? I can’t believe I never thought of that sort of question until now.

Why is it always a woman taken hostage??? Can’t you at least be more gender-balanced in this day and age?

Well, considering Lisa’s power is made for, well, power and the other guy’s power is more covert, this wasn’t going to end well…

I find it entertaining, interesting and funny that Lisa called her wheelchair “Big Wheel”.

X-On did the “draw me like one of your French girls” pose on top of the car, and I can’t. I want that meme so badly now!

Always keep your eyes on the road, people. Make sure you get some rest if you’re zoning out!

Reflection 7

“Beef or Fish���? What is this, Macca’s?

This is like Kado all over again, just with two blades on X-On’s part, and fire. Lots of fire.

It’s all men. Gah, Stan Lee. Every time you impress me, you make me go back on my words. At least have a woman in the tech team…

Oh man. Calling yourself “LA’s ambassador” when you live in LA is like me saying I’m Earth’s ambassador when aliens arrive.

Nina doesn’t look very scared…          

I-Guy needed an X-On to the face, so to speak.

“Marry.s Hotel” (sic)? Studio Deen need to work on their punctuation.

Wraith is basically Kurogiri (Boku no Hero Academia). I only just realised that…

Uh, what do I call this car? The I-Guy-mobile?

Saiyuki Blast 8

Can I please stop complaining about how the blood splatter is tasteless?

If you’re in the trade of writing bishies, you have to be impeccable at writing ship tease, and Minekura just showed us why she’s been doing this one manga for 20 years.

Normally, when people have hunches in fiction, they tend to be very much correct.

Why does that Sharak follower even wear that hat? What creature is it even made of??? A raccoon?

Is it just me, or do half of these guys (Kougaiji, his lackeys, Genjo and the Sharak follower) look the same?

“…a bunch of humans can really take all of this?” (Alternatively, the word could be “us”, which seems much more likely now that I think of it.)

The staff really skimped on that one scene where the demon horde is leaping…

So this Dokugaku guy (apparently his name is “Dokugakuji”, but the CR sub was spelt wrong) is…Gojyo’s brother? Didn’t see that coming, the entire Sanzo party looks like only children. Goku is of course an only child since he came from the earth though.

CGI rubble really don’t work here…it looks like a bad action movie, like Photoshopped explosions at inopportune times…like this thing someone once showed me.

Hiroaki Hirata is Gojyo, if you didn’t know, and obviously, Sai Rau is Ura Sai backwards (as done by the Japanese).

…oh, you’re asking me why I’m watching this Ura Sai? It’s because I saw some GIFs of it on Tumblr. Apparently it’s a Saiyuki tradition to do an AU at a Macca’s or something?

Saiyuki Blast 9

As I’m still a rookie Saiyuki-wise, I couldn’t really identify this demon by appearance. I completely understand the fruit joke – I read Saiyuki’s character page on Wikipedia, then came to this ep, but I did something in between so I didn’t remember there was the name Zakuro on that list…haha.

Zakuro has some odd perspective working on those fingers of his…

I was reading a volume of Reload, since I have access to a library with 3 volumes of it, and…I actually know what Hakkai is talking about for once before these guys actually bothered to show it. Amazing.

I literally swore when Nataku popped his golden little head into the fray. Kougaiji’s gonna get a beatdown for sure, especially because Sharak’s scripture boundary should be coming into effect soon.

The problem with CGI is that not all anime benefit from being lifelike. Anything by ufotable is fine, but when other studios try to get a slice of that action that’s not fine. I’ve been going for at least 13 years being used to the flat stye of anime, and calling it home. That’s a tiny fraction of how long anime has existed, and already I don’t want it to change. So please, anime. Don’t become too lifelike, lest the viewers not become able to tell truth from fiction.

Kougaiji does look kinda like Gojyo, eh?

Referring to that link in last ep’s simulcast commentary…yeah, this is if Michael Bay directed this show. Only with more blood.

Katsugeki 9

This is the Teradaya Incident, which happens to be completely unrelated to the Ikedaya Incident…

Of course you get the muscleman to row the boat. That’s just logical.

As I’ve said at least once during these commentaries, there’s close quarters combat late into the game (about map 6), where large swords don’t perform as well. That’s why Tonbokiri is worried.

I have the feeling Hijikata will have to be protected later on in the same way…

Those spider blades sure can run fast, eh?

Oh no. This is advice Mutsu previously gave to the other swords, so having it parroted back to him by his master is really something…

Interesting how Tsurumaru is the only one sitting on the ground, even though he’s got white clothing…

BnHA 34

LOL, a catfight. Bad for public image, good for the press.

After that one week break, I feel like I haven’t seen these guys (Denki, Ashido, Tokoyami etc.) in years…

Wow, I didn’t think I’d see Monoma again at all! Guys like that get sidelined a tonne.

What happens if Bakugo and Deku get the same score? That could be a possibility, depending on how the scoring system works out.

The gates are so CGI, I can’t even…

Oh no! It’s Deku vs All Might. It seems absolutely perfect from a logistical angle (as in, matching a physically powerful Quirk against a physically powerful Quirk makes sense, since you probably find it hardest to go against a Quirk like your own), but Deku’s faith is probably gonna get smashed like Texas…it is Texas Smash, right?

For once, a kid that like hamburgers and not Hamburg steak *sighs happily* (one character and one line’s difference in katakana). Something I don’t have to whine about, yay!

I’ve never known a person who likes natto, although for Ashido, it makes sense (like Shouto and cold soba).

Interesting they put the dumbest people up against Nedzu.

Yeah, heroes always need a healer if they can get one. That’s why I specifically introduced one of my characters in Half-Paid Heroes, and I often have a grass type in my lineup to compensate for such things (since in my world, grass types specialise in healing).

Princess Principal 8

(narrowly refrains from making O’Reilly jokes)

Beatrice, how have you not picked up the fact that Dorothy gained a soft spot for the Princess too? This is case 20, for goodness’ sakes.

It’s the Princess and the Pauper, eh? Traditional, but if Barbie ever taught me anything, it’s that people still like hackneyed ol’ stories portrayed by familiar and non-familiar characters.

“There are all kinds of walls, keeping everyone apart.” – That’s anvilicious for you. There’s no tact in this show, is there?

[lotrewrite]

Commentary: Episodes 1-6

I’ll preface this by saying that I loved all the episodes, and I could visualise everything like I was really watching it, so I’m mega excited. I also know that these are rough drafts from everyone and the dialogue/scenes are just examples of the direction we’re heading in and are just the initial product, so people might already be aware of what I’m saying. It’s just that I’m unused to giving constructive criticism outside of an academic sphere so I really want to underline that I do appreciate the hard work that’s gone into these outlines and I hope that I’m not stepping on toes or upsetting people. It’s a creative effort and it truly shows!

Overall comments: I love each episode individually and have a lot more positivity than criticism. What I will say is that we’ll all have to be careful of pacing, since (am I right in saying?) most of us probably more used to prose than screenwriting when writing fanfic. Other than that, no major issues, which is amazing considering how many of us there are, and the fact that there’s 22 episodes! Great job, guys! :-)

Also please ignore any misspellings of Darhk – I hate that stupid silent h so much.

Episode 1 –

-          I love Jax sticking up for Mick, particularly when he points out that Mick is still edgy about anything to do with Cronos

-          We need the info from Eo’s panicked speech but on reading the information seems a little clumped together and rushed. Maybe punctuate it with Darhk asking him what he means and then Eo has to clarify.

For example:

[“I’m out-running my own non-existence,” Thawne explains. “Nice little perk of being a speedster – but now I’m being chased by the worst thing out there, even worse than the time wraiths: the Death of Speedsters.”

“The Death of Speedsters?” interjects Darhk. “Bit dramatic.”

Eobard is unimpressed. “It’s the Black Flash. He has my scent now and he’ll never stop following me – so I need to keep moving.”

“And how exactly do you plan on outrunning death itself?”

“Our little deal, that’s how. I have some time before he figures out where and when I am, but I need to make sure that the timeline that my ancestor dies in never happens, and the best way to do that is to make a massive adjustment to the timeline early on.”]

-          I love Mick’s interaction with Rex; I actually prefer this shorter scene to the original episodes, it plays as both comedic and practical

-          I think you’ve kept a really good balance of new content vs sticking to canon, the scenes gel well together

-          Especially love the end scene with Kendra and Oliver

-          Thanks, liked this!

Episode 2

-          I don’t see a problem overmuch with the spear pieces ‘whispering’, it’s a pretty well-known trait of ��mystical things you 100% Should Not Touch’ and experience with pop culture already tells us that the only people who can hear it can only do so because the magic thing wants them to (a la One Ring). Same with glowing. Maybe the whispering could be more indistinct, like wind through the trees or parseltongue or something?

-          Where are Jax and Stein when the scene opens? At first I thought they were already on the ship but reading further down it’s unclear until much later in the episode.

-          I really like that first hint of Len. It’s a nice red herring too, especially if the whispers we heard earlier are kept in.

-          I like the bit with Ray and Bambi, and Stein and Jax read fine.

-          Good use of Nate

-          Mind the pacing a bit when switching between scenes – I like the Ray and Bambi scenes, but something needs to happen in every scene or we’ll be left wondering why we were shown that, and not in a ‘oh, a mystery’ way. That said, I’m loving all the Ray and Bambi scenes, pleeeease don’t kill Bambi. It’s so very Ray that he’s keeping a pet dinosaur, I love it. Also, killing the raptor lets us see a more hardcore side of Ray we don’t usually get.

-          As an aside…with those injuries Ray will definitely die from infection/blood loss and he knows it. We are so lucky he’s going to be rescued. From his perspective, he’s staring death in the eye and that’s despairing and intense.

-          Fricking LOVE the idea of Firestorm appearing as an ‘angel’, cannot underline that enough

-          Love the drama in this episode, like the plot and battle

-          Loving the friction Mick has when Nate can’t find Ray and I love how they end up doing so

-          Overall I really enjoyed this, I’d just be very careful with pacing in the episode itself. Thanks!

Episode 3

-          LOVE the premise of Sara working with the JSA

-          Like the build-up to Nate’s reveal of how he knows so much

-          Way prefer this method of introduction and interaction between the Legends and the JSA, nice

-          ‘Nazis in the White House’ – if that was a nod, I like it

-          Fantastic interaction between Amaya and Sara

-          Nice reveal with Nate, the pencil, and him being Henry’s grandson

-          Nice interaction with Henry and Nate after Nate gets injured

-          Good ending, maybe just add in that Amaya actually gives a reason for mistrusting Mick specifically since she would have had more interaction with Sara and knew that Sara didn’t particularly respect Rex

-          Really like this episode! I think the pacing is pretty good too.

Episode 4

-          Good opening, but coming from the first episode where D and Eo are already working together, maybe Eo should specify a more ‘long term, mutually beneficial alliance’ i.e. instead of a once-off arrangement like with the bomb

-          I think Nate should lead the conversation on leaving history the way it is, when coming from his whole thesis needing to be re-written like a billion times, with Stein interrupting him with his own two cents

-          I really like the premise of this episode – I like the images of the mess of the crowd, the fact that Ray actually checked up for Sara what would happen if she brought Laurel back, Young!Clarissa and Stein finding each other in the chaos – good stuff

-          Nice interaction at the bar with everyone, and I like the Sara and Mick convo

-          Nice manipulation by Eo towards Sara, I find this progression believable. Really good twist there, with everyone slowly realising what Sara had done, including Sara herself

-          LAUREL

-          That’s a good reason Eo had for actually bringing Laurel back instead of just lying to Sara and stealing the pieces – good job

-          Good interaction between Mick and Amaya, Sara and Laurel

-          Good drama at Star Labs, and I liked the mention of Amaya’s reasoning for leaving her home for the JSA

-          Thank you for the Lisa ending, very nice. Woo!

Episode 5

-          Great premise, I like the opening

-          Nice nod to ‘authentic’ Vikings – the image of Mick in a horn hat will live on in my heart forever

-          Very atmospheric episode actually, it felt like I was watching it unfold and hearing the yells of battle, so nice job

-          I appreciate all the hard work you’ve done with the spellings and the insertion of ø, I really do, my word

-          I love Jax and Gunlød’s interactions, all of them – the casual chats, the flirting, the pep talk he gives her

-          Very emotive episode, I think it all flows down to the funeral scene very well

-          The Legend’s funeral scene is so sad, thank you

-          The ending needs something to tie it into the next episode I think, instead of just ending with Jax and Gunlød’s goodbye, but I think that’ll actually depend on the pacing for the whole episode once it’s been fleshed out into full length – the story seems pretty long already so there might not be room and it might end up as an appropriate ending, with a following episode dealing with the vision etc. We’ll have to see how that turns out!

-          Enjoyed this episode, nice job!

Episode 6

-          Nice nudge at Darhk’s usage of idols

-          Great focus on Lisa and her skills, nice atmosphere from the location (like, not ‘nice’…I mean that I get a real sense of the place)

-          Good plan

-          Good expansion on Ray’s theme of suit/intelligence

-          Just a suggestion – in light of the stuff  he went through while stranded with dinosaurs, maybe just have a line about how when he was in the prehistoric era he felt helpless and useless without his tech, and now that he has it back he finally has a chance to be useful again and fight with his full strength, or something along those lines? Just so we’re not just throwing away the dinosaur era trauma he must have gone through, especially since he nearly died? And maybe highlighting that he has a deeper reason beyond stubbornness to sticking with the suit, since it’s literally his safety net?

-          Great escalation of things going wrong for the Legends

-          This episode flows very well actually, and I loved the interactions with Mick and Jax, and when Lisa ripped Ray a new one

-          That’s some gooooood Lisa and Mick interaction, thank you

-          Very enjoyable, nice work!

Episode 7 – since this was an episode I worked on I’ll leave the commentary to others who can spot the issues with it!

I’ll leave it at that for this evening but I’ll try to give a look at the others tomorrow. For now we’ve got some solid episodes here with only a few minor tweaks that’ll come about naturally as the writing progresses.

Hope this commentary was okay!

- Kako-Pumpkin

LOTREWRITE: Your commentary is EXCELLENT, so much positivity and very good points on the critique made all around, and I can't wait to see your comments on the remainder.

[ttshieronym]

Chinese review of To the Stars, Translated

I came across this Chinese review of To the Stars and decided to translate it. It’s an interesting look into how another culture perceives this fanfic we all love, and I hope you enjoy it! (User submission)

—– [Special Discussion] European/American Madoka Fanfic “To The Stars” ——

by New Moon Light (Yuèchū zhào)

Source: http://bbs.saraba1st.com/2b/thread-1124803-1-1.html

> The Buddha said: In sharing a good text, there is great merit.

> Lead in: Kyubey once said mankind will one day reach to the stars, but they never said what we will find there.

From the very first sentence, To the Stars hints at its prime directive. This will be an epic about mankind’s voyage among the stars. While even now as we remain bounded by the force of gravity, sailing the cosmos has always bespoke the hearts of men.

Honestly speaking, Gen Urobuchi’s original setting was sparse. Details are spotty of the world view of within Madoka universe, even the Incubator’s role within it are poorly defined. From this vagueness, To the Stars took over a sparse backdrop and develop this world into its own.

The story began at Mitakihara, the start of it all. The main character is Shizuki Ryouko, a last name that jostles ones memory. From this humble beginning the narrative unfolds into thrilling suspense. From here on out, it’s really a world of author’s own.

Ryouko is a high school student, her parents work at a research lab, and she has a grandpa looking too young of his age. At breakfast the parents chat about grocery shopping - no - of food allocations.

With this scenery of everyday life as foundation, the narrative backdrop unfolds. This is a materially abundant world that perfected distribution of wealth. Societal makeup, politics, military, technology unfold for the audience as the story progresses. Each intricate detail are thoroughly thought out. Here, this fanfiction has set itself apart from the original franchise.

Just two pages in, a member of the original Magica Quintet stepped into the scene. Who else? The tall, elegant, with unparalleled grace, Generalissmo Mami Tomoe herself! In this world, Mami has become the font of wisdom and stability, the pinnacle of magical girls, and the atlas pillar of magical girl society.

Mami’s position atop the military hierarchy unveiled another truth of this world: magical girls have completely submersed themselves into civil society as a force to be reckoned with. Soon we realized that four hundred years have passed since events of the TV series. In those four long centuries, events of legendary proportions occurred, a historical backdrop both rich and weighty.

With Mami’s arrival, the wheels of fate began to turn.

From here, Ryouko encountered Wraiths, awoken to her potential, and became disciple of Mami and Kyouko. From there on out the story blew wide open and held nothing back.

’m going to avoid spoiling further, as this is a reading recommendation. What happens next, I’ll leave it to as an exercise to the readers.

Instead, indulge me as I dive into some of specifics strength of this epic.

—– 1) Elaboration and Philosophy of Artificial Intelligence —-

The story features a rich cast of AI characters. With their superhuman intelligence and personality, the author had carefully considered their function within the story.

As practice, all ship construction came with accompanying AIs, yet these same AI will one day have to face eventual retirement. Leaving the front line, away from the the glory of war and never to return, these AIs need hobbies if they’re to cope in civil society. As result, warships tend to play with firearms in their free times (as expected, liking fire arms is a moe-quality for shipgirls).

Latter in the story, Ryouko’s combat AI, the newest model of biological TacCom, had this to say to Ryouko,

“I was thinking, if the Goddess of Magical Girls truly exist, then you get to go to heaven, but I could only rot here as a lump of meat. How unfair is that?”

Ryouko had no response. It was a question too difficult to answer for a mere a high school girl.

—– 2) Fantastical and Sophisticated Space Warfare ——

Warfare is this story’s most important narrative backdrop, and the space warfare in it are realistic, intrinsic, mesmerizing.

Rivaling humans are a race of an intelligent squid-like aliens, with scientific capabilities far exceeding human imagination.

The joint defense of New Athens was a massive-scale battle that cemented human-magical girl relationship. With squid forces devastating the human military, humanity was on the brink of defeat, a force of hundred-thousand magical girls mobilized by the magical goirl association suddenly charging to the front line. With great personal sacrifice they turned the tide of battle, pulled victory from the jaws of defeat for mankind. A feat of battlefield that would echo the history books, yet this was far from the highlight within the story. After the magical girl force subsumes into the human military apparatus, the newly commissioned magical girls are accessorized with high tech weaponry, and begun joint combat operations with human forces. From shielding and decoys for soul gems, to operational tactics for rescuing magical girls on the brink of death, to how magical girls of each types can fight in combined arms with drones and human infantry.

There’s a space chase scene between alien fighters and troop transport, and it was a magical girl platoon that engaged in 3-dimensional decapitating strike of the enemy forces. Magic has even become incorporated into the overall strategic command of human forces, talk about breathtaking!

Remarkable is the extend of the authorship’s thoughts into how future technology and science would change the nature of warfare. Massive laser cannons that is standard trope in space operas was not his vision. We saw that in his treatment of obtuse nature of faster-than-light ship warfare. We also saw this in the exquisite settings of exotic colony worlds locale. In short, the set piece battles alone are well worth the price of admission.

—– 3) Economic and Social Dynamics of a Space Faring Society —–

When speaking of a futuristic communist society, one’s imagination easily veer towards some kind of “Big Brother Watching You” narrative. Yet this novel paints a picture of a society with on-demand distribution and labor division that’s credible. Locally, people are free to chose their career, and the society will provide for the allocations as ones’ family requires. Choosing a valued career will be matched with a greater allocation. Even a recluse can secure a basic standard of living.

Of course in wartime, soldiers and magical girls receive a variety of privileged and generous stipends above civilians. Ultimately, they’re putting their lives on the line for the greater good. An wartime economy has inevitable shortfalls, but a basic standard of living could be maintained.

Colonial worlds on the other hand maintain an economy that harkens back to a more capitalistic era. Ultimately, in those far-flung world, resources and production have their limitations, and yet to reach such an abundance of surplus. The translation thus far has only briefly touched upon these colonial worlds, but future development would likely put them in greater focus.

Socially, nations have disappeared, and instead a ruling body took guidance of the society’s advancement, with highly advanced AIs taking part in crucial areas of the government. Aggregate intelligence has eliminated corruption from society, and placed the talents of individuals into posts most appropriate for their skillsets. The ruling body operates optimally, and the society is highly efficient. Of course, even with such advancement, the challenge of war had a deteriorating effect. Chalk that up to confronting an even more advanced enemy, with an even higher level of technological and scientific advancement.

Politics wasn’t a focal point in this work, but some subtle commentary could be gleamed. Is such a society truly good? That’s up to you to decide.

Worth bringing up here is magical girl’s role within this society. They recognize magical girl as an enormous asset for the military, and their powers potential a great threat, thus government and military took the position of general appeasement. They took initiative to integrate magical girls into the social leadership, with Mami as part of the Military command and Yuma as representative of the magical girls. The magical girl community as a whole are a power block in the greater society.

Because of the warfare, recruiting magical girls have become an open effort in this society, with Kyubey engaged actively in the recruitment effort. An recruitment effort that’s nothing less than a propaganda drive to enlist child soldiers became official government policy. For a hero of justice like Mami, as part of the military apparatus, to take part in such efforts to trick girls into the battle field - there’s a certain level of irony.

—-

4) Mahou Shoujo Youkai —-

The magical girl society is a top power block in this universe. The development of Mahou Shoujo Youkai (MSY) began as a guild form of several magical girl teams in Mitakihara, with Mami, Kyouko, and Homura’s team as its cornerstone. To cope with financial and wraith hunt shortfalls, these magical girls joined forces and established a carrier company. From there, it gradually grew in size, wealth, and powerful using the inherent advantages of magical girls. With careful stewardship, the company quickly grew and ultimately become the future center of the magical girl community. The development of this organization was full of mysterious, intrigue, power, and blood. Even a hero of justice like Mami find some sacrifices as inevitable. From blurps about the history and culture of MSY, the readership slowly gleam the tip of the iceberg of this society. Such intricate storytelling is a great strength of this work, somehow turning this rather incredible organization into something believable.

In one side story, a man searching for his missing beloved would suddenly find himself in midst of the original cast’s campaign to quash the Japanese underworld!

—- 5) The Era of Intersection between Science and Magic —-

Set four hundred years after the events of the TV series, technology has become highly advanced. Of course, many of the technologies we dreamt of remain beyond grasp, but mankind has already advanced far up into tech tree: Faster-than-Light travel, eradication of diseases, anti-gravity, perfection of cloning (considered unethical, but a necessary vice in-Universe), high fidelity virtual reality, internal health monitor chips, nano machines of all kinds, but of course the most fascinating are the AIs (which we have already covered).

Even more novel is the integration between the magical and the scientific for magical girls. To fight aliens, magical girls no longer just relied on frail human bodies and magical weaponry, but became a full-fledged combat forces with all the advanced military hardware. The military created all sorts of battle-harden equipment to augment the magical girl’s existing abilities, from decoy robots for soul gems, to specialist rifles for magical girl in close combat, to automated grief cube distribution bots. Additionally, magical girls are well supported by troops, infantry, and drones of all kinds.

—- 6) Extension of the Magical System —-

This work filled the gaps that was lacking of the magical system in the original work. Take wishes, for example, they now grant the true desire of qualified magical girls. Even when the magical girl was unable to verbalize her intent, Kyubey was able to grasp it mentally and faithfully implementing it. As result, Homura’s original wish was able to cross the timeline and maintain its power.

In other areas, it clarifies what happen to the Soul Gem after destruction of the body. In this work, it’s made explicit that the Soul Gem can revives as the original person so long a sufficiently substitute body exists. As result, soul gems are to be rescued whenever possible, to avoid unnecessary loss in valuable magical girls lives. As for the mechanics of resurrection, I’ll leave it unspoiled here.

—- 7) Distinctive Characterization —-

Of the original cast, the Ultimate Madoka roaming in space and Sayaka had already passed, but the remaining three members each plays important roles in the story. Generalissimo Mami remained forever alone, but also has become the pinnacle figurehead of the magical girl community, and an important commander of the war effort. From her position, the reader gets an understanding of strategic operations of the military high-command, as well as bits and pieces of history from vicissitudes of her memory. Yet despite her high regard, incessant nightmares plagued her, showing that fragile girl we knew still remain.

More complicated was Kyouko. She became a pope-like figure, one that also enjoy playing with young girls’ heartstrings… But this doesn’t mean she lost those convictions of her past. The Cult of Hope she created has become the pillar of emotional support for the magical girls in the military, perhaps an appropriate “new faith for a new age��. The hunt of her past, and her passion for blue-haired girls, placed her in a loving yet despicable role.

Other characters are charming in their own right. Oriko also plays an important role. The destruction of her and her organization was a central mystery within the story. The multi-talented Yuma has now become an inscrutable political actor.

Other notable characters like the historian Clarisse van Rossum and other magical girls are charming in their own ways.

But the most important is the main character Ryouko. She’s a riddle and a clue, from her point-of-view we come grips with this world. But she’s also stubborn and independent, hardheaded pursuing her own lofty goals. Her denseness with interpersonal relationships, and how her fallout and slowly reconciliation with her family, all these were portrayed vividly.

Of course, what matters for a story is the story itself, and this work has twists and turns a plenty, which here I will refrain from spoiling.

Even without the magical girl elements, this is a science fiction worthy of reading in its own right. In my humble opinion, the magnificent setting and intricate story telling has set To the Stars apart from the original series, a work that stands on its own.