#but I need the sound that results from pressing the buttons for sleep

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

Bleh I ran out of quotes I have to actually sleep now

I don't wanna

Well

I do

But

[uniquexusposts]

Little surprise - C. Leclerc

Summary: Y/n is pregnant and meets her husband Charles at the track as a surprise.

Y/n turned off the tv and got up from the sofa. She was satisfied with the results from her husband, Charles Leclerc. Monaco was one of his favourite circuits, mainly because it was his home Grand Prix, but faith didn't agree with those previous years. It's sad to say he had never finished the Monaco Grand Prix before. However, this weekend seemed to be good.

"Are we going to see daddy?" Y/d/n asked and looked hopeful at her mum. The three-year-old had been waiting to walk down the streets to see her dad. It was a weird situation for Y/d/n; her dad was never home at a race weekend, but this weekend he was.

Y/n smiled and nodded. "Shall we go then?" Y/d/n heavily nodded. "Go put on your shoes, love."

Y/d/n crawled off the sofa and ran to the hallway to grab her shoes. It made Y/n happy to see her daughter excited. You would say: 'you live in Monaco, there's a race, why not visit it?' Well, it sounded easier than it looked. Y/n was pregnant with her second child, which was the best thing that ever happened to her - and to Charles, but she struggled a lot with sicknesses. It made it challenging to show up at races; it was uncomfortable.

"Mummy, can I bring Raf and Peter?" Y/d/n walked back to the living area with her two favourite stuffed animals; she held the giraffe and rabbit up in the air.

"Are you sure you want to bring them both?" Y/n asked and packed her bag. "Are you sure you won't lose them again?"

"No."

It happened one time before Y/d/n lost Raf and Peter. They were relaxing at the Ferrari facility, but the trouble and drama it caused... Y/n and Charles preferred not to be in that situation again.

"Sure, but they are your responsibility now." Y/n softly smirked; she knew Y/d/n would leave them somewhere around anyway. "Are you ready?"

The little girl started to jump and happily giggled. Y/d/n was a daddy's girl, so there was nothing more exciting than going to see your dad. She had been watching the third free practice all morning - well, the parts with Charles. Obviously, Y/d/n was too young to understand what Formula 1 was, but seeing her dad and his friends was all she needed to enjoy herself.

"Raf and Peter are happy to see daddy too," Y/d/n said and looked at her teddies when she stepped in the lift. "Can I press the button?" She looked up, and her arm reached for the button. Y/d/n grew a few centimetres by standing on her tiptoes.

"You are getting tall, sweetheart," Y/n proudly smiled. "I think daddy is happy to see Raf and Peter too.” She stroked her daughter’s hair.

She quickly looked in the mirror; it was the first time in days Y/n dressed up. She was wearing a maxi dress. It covered up her 20-weeks bump, but it showed she was carrying a tiny human. As shoes, she picked Birkenstocks, just for the comfiness. Her hair was curly, and her makeup was minimal. At first, she doubted what to wear. As a wife of a driver, people expect you to look stunning and stylish all the time. Over the years, it became less for Y/n, but it was still bothering her in some ways.

"Give me your hand," Y/n instructed Y/d/n. As soon as they left the apartment building, they stepped into the busy world of racing. Every spot in Monaco was busy and chaotic due to the race weekend.

Y/d/n grabbed her mum's hand, but quickly let it go. "Can Raf sleep in your bag?"

A soft smirk rolled over Y/n's lips; there you had it. "Of course, love." Y/n opened her bag and lowered it for her daughter. "Sweet dreams, Raf."

Y/d/n gave Raf a kiss. "Sleepy sleepy, Raf," and carefully put Raf in the bag. "Are we going to see uncle Pierre too?" She grabbed her mum's hand again, and they started to walk towards the entrance of the track.

"I don't know, love. Maybe we will see him, or uncle Carlos. We will look for them, yeh? But first, we need to find daddy."

"Yes, we need to find daddy first."

Once Y/n and Y/d/n arrived at the track, they scanned their passes. Y/d/n excitedly imitated the check-in sound of the gates and walked on the stairs. Y/n followed the small girl, also trying to find out where Charles possibly could be. They crossed the track and entered the paddock/pit lane area.

"I see daddy!" Y/d/n cheered and started to run away.

Before Y/n could stop Y/d/n from running, it was already too late. Y/n looked up and noticed Charles was still in an interview in front of his garage. She pressed her lips into a tin line and followed her daughter to her husband; this escalated...

"Daddy!"

Charles recognised the high voice, but he assumed this couldn't be his daughter since she wouldn't be here today. He continued talking to the reporter, but squeezed his eyebrows together when he heard the voice again. Charles looked behind the reporter and cameraman, and a small girl was running towards him. It was Y/d/n.

"Daddy," Y/d/n breathed and raised her arms up in the air.

"Bonjour, mon amour," he greeted and lifted her up from the ground. "What are you doing here?"

Y/d/n smiled. "I wanted to see you," she giggled. "Mummy is here too!" She pointed at a woman who was walking towards them as well.

Charles' face softened; he really didn't expect to see his wife at this Grand Prix due to the heavy sickness. It was a real surprise. "That is a surprise," he chuckled and looked back at Y/d/n before looking back at the reporter. "I'm sorry," he mentioned and politely smiled. "Thank you," he ended the interview and gave the reporter a nod. Charles stepped away and walked towards Y/n. "Hey," he said, surprised. "You here as well?" A teasing smile grew on his face.

"What a coincidence," Y/n cheekily said.

"I really didn't expect you to be here," Charles honestly said. At first, he was disappointed when he and Y/n decided she would attend the race, but safety and health first.

Y/n smiled. "That is kinda the point of a surprise," she said. "I'm feeling good, and Y/d/n wanted to see you. So if you don't mind, we are gonna watch the qualification here?"

Charles couldn't be happier; this really made his weekend better. "Of course." He looked at Y/d/n, who was hugging him like she hadn't seen him in a while - they saw each other this morning before Charles left to prep for the day. "I'm really surprised. It's good to see you, babe," he said and gave her a kiss. "You look beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

"Thanks..." She shyly smiled. "You had a great morning. It's too early to say it, and I hope I won't jinx anything, but it seems like a good weekend."

"Please, don't cheer too soon," he replied and looked painfully at his wife. "We have said this for years, and it just... escalates every time."

"Maybe it won't this time."

They started to walk towards the Ferrari hospitality. "My weekend is already amazing because you all are here. How is the baby?"

Y/d/n laid her head on Charles' shoulder and looked around her. It wasn't all new to her, but it surely was overwhelming. Her eyes fell on someone who was waving at her; it was Pierre Gasly. Y/d/n looked up and happily waved back at Pierre.

"Good, she's calm now, and the sickness is gone." That was something huge; this was the first time in the pregnancy this happened.

Charles proudly smiled. "That's good. If you don't feel good or need anything, you will let me know, okay?"

"I will, don't worry, Charles."

It was the second time Y/n showed up at a Grand Prix during her second pregnancy. People adored the young family; they were happy to see the family together. And to see the baby bump. 

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos@crashingwavesofeuphoria@maryvibess @chocolatefartstrawberry @snzleclerc @ironmaiden1313@blodwyn4u

[sexlapis]

࿔ read me to sleep…

ᰋ nanami kento x gn!reader

ns4w, fluff, dirty talk no sex, very suggestive, finger sucking, petnames: baby, sweet thing, darling. soft nanami, nanami babies reader, nanami reading to reader, talks about cocks and holes 🤷‍♀️, d/s dynamics

. synopsis: after a long week, nanami helps you to relax.

ᯓᡣ𐭩 wc: 1.1k

a/n: me writing a fanfic? who would’ve thought?? extract is from ‘the professor’ by charlotte brontê. i enjoyed it but apparently it’s not very well liked. anyway, here’s me being very normal about nanami.

masterlists

*

your cheek rests on the cool, ivory porcelain of the bathtub. warm water envelopes your body, coming all the way up to your chest which is petaled with tufts of scented bubbles. the orange gleam of the sunset casts a gentle, easy light over the bathroom, colouring the bath water and the supple skin of your body.

it’s quiet. the only sounds being emitted come from the soft ripples of the water when you move and your husband’s low, soft speaking. your eyes droop.

“are you even listening?”

nanami sits on a wooden chair right in front of the bathtub. on long days like this, most of the time on a friday, you both just need to wind down, relax, unravel the knots curled up in your bones, ease the ache inside your head and erase the never ending thoughts in your mind.

‘…yet been my experience of life, I had once had the opportunity of contemplating, near at hand, an example of the results produced by a course of interesting and romantic domestic treachery. No golden halo of fiction was about this example, I saw it bare and real, and it was very loathsome. I saw a mind degraded by the practice of mean subterfuge, by the habit of perfidious deception, and a body depraved by the infectious influence of the vice-polluted soul. I had suffered much from the forced and prolonged view of this spectacle; those sufferings I did not now regret, for their simple recollection acted as a most wholesome antidote to temptation. They had inscribed on my reason the conviction that unlawful pleasure, trenching on another's rights, is delusive and envenomed pleasure; its hollowness disappoints at the time, its poison cruelly tortures afterwards, its effects deprave forever.’

he wears his white, button up shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his suit jacket long gone, his tie loose and dangling down, and dark slacks sit on his legs very nicely. and, your favourite thing of all, he wears his reading glasses, the pair that he only wears around you.

“yeah, yeah ‘m listening. just tired.”

you have, in fact, not been listening that much.

if you weren’t slowly dozing off to sleep to the smooth timbre of his voice, you were blatantly admiring the cerulean veins that travelled up the pale expanse of his forearm. and if not that, you watched with half-lidded eyes how the tendons of his large hands moved when he turned a page, or the sight of the pink pillows of his lips in motion, or the prominence of his adam’s apple or-

“you really aren’t listening, are you?”

this time, you had the sense to feel a little embarrassed, feel some heat rise on your face. “uhhhhhhh…”

nanami tilts his head, definitely not looking at your chest, “what is going on in that little head of yours?”

“what-nothing! i just, i-,” you sigh, licking your lips, unabashedly staring at the bulge in his slacks “you just look sexy.”

he chuckles, his eyes crinkled and the sound rumbling through his chest. nanami moves his chair forward, closer to where you rest your head, and leans down slightly.

“i don’t think it’s just that,” he utters. nanami then raises his hand to your sweet, languorous face, coated with droplets of water, your wet eyelashes framing the tender yet desiring gaze of eyes. his heart beats a little faster.

he cups your cheeks with one big hand, trailing his index and middle finger to your plush lips, asking for an opening. you do so gladly, moaning quietly when his thick, rough fingers sit and press on your tongue, saliva seeping around his fingers. “i think my little darling just wants my cock inside of that sloppy little hole. isn’t that right?”

his brash words and his fingers, they are inching further and further towards your throat, make your face burn and a dull, throbbing pit of want curl up where you want him the most.

you blink drowsily, almost half asleep at this point, nibbling on his fingers in your mouth, giving them one long lick. “yessss…yes i want it inside of me so much.”

“oh, baby,” nanami coos, “i’m only teasing you. i know you’re tired…”

you whine. it’s muffled over his fingers, which you continue to suck on softly. his eyes darken.

“don’t tempt me,” nanami groans, briefly relishing in the feeling of your mouth suctioned over his fingers, “you know i can't resist that little mouth of yours...”

his fingers leave your sighing mouth, now glistening and wet, connected by a silky line of gossamer to your lips.

nanami hums, pleased by the debauched, satisfied expression plastered on your face. he swipes your lips with your own spit, making them gleam in the shine of the sunset. such actions make you picture his taut, large length, how uses it to generously rub his expense all over your lips and cheeks, using and painting your face like his secret, erotic canvas.

unfortunately for you, your fatigue outweighs your lustful cravings. you let your eyes fall shut. a hand finds itself on top of your head, caressing there softly. a purr leaves your throat. nanami wills himself to ignore his very obvious desire for at this moment.

“i think it’s someone’s bedtime.”

nanami pats his thighs and stands to get your towel. you pout at the loss of stimulation on your head, but it’s quickly wiped away when nanami unplugs the bath, helps you out of it with his hand in yours, and wraps the towel around your damp body like a cocoon.

you waddle over to you and nanami’s shared bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. you were going to sleep so well tonight.

“nanami.” you whisper to him as he takes off his watch. “nanami, come here. read the rest of the chapter, please.”

“darling, you’re about to fall asleep.”

“yeah but i want you to read me to sleep.”

nanami huffs, a small smile on his face. the bed dios where he sits down next to your head, and you take the chance to lay your head on his lap, snuggling comfortably. his hand finds your head to caress one again, making you chirp with glee.

“alright. just this one chapter and that’s it.”

you let him read to you.

at first you listen, you really do, but after a few minutes his words turn into white noise, the low-tone of his voice rumbles through you, the warmth of his lap acts as a pillow and the final blow is when he decides to draw circles over your temple with his thumb.

before you know it, you’re gradually drifting off to sleep, into a serene dreamland, forgetting about all the stress you experienced today.

nanami closes the book and carefully manoeuvres you from his lap and onto the bed properly. he knows you’ll probably wake up shortly, considering you’re still just in your towel, but for now, he savours this moments and how endearing you look, curled up and snoring in your fluffy towel.

“sweet thing…” he kisses your forehead, resting his lips there fore a moment, “my sweet, little thing…”

*

…♡

[sunni-stuff]

heyy can i ask for virgin!ghost having his first time with reader? ty💗

Non-non, I want you to know I tried to sleep but every time I closed my eyes I thought about this.

-🌤Tags: Afab, nsfw, p in v, over-eager Simon

Your feet stumble backward as Simon takes an aching steps forward, pushing you against the wall. His rough hands explore your mouth watering body, gripping and squeezing any soft flesh he can find. Your lips collide in a frenzied kiss, teeth clashing as you both moan with unbridled lust.

Simon's strong hands wrap tightly around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. His hips thrust eagerly against your midriff, each movement accompanied by a grunt that turns into a fussy whimper as his lips meet yours. He's unable to control himself as he ruts away, the bulge of his cock rubbing against your belly button.

Your breaths come in short gasps as you try to speak, but Simon is too lost in his pleasure to hear you. He grinds against you sloppily, his movements wild and desperate. The sound of his heavy pants echoes through the room, the pitch rising with each passing second.

“Si…” You whisper again, this time louder as you place a hand on his chest. It seems to snap him out of his trance, his eyes meeting yours with a teary gaze. A wet spot had already formed on the front of his pants, evidence of his unbridled desire. “Simon, it's not a race.” Your voice is filled with concern and a hint of teasing frustration at his lack of control. His movements slow to a halt as he looks at you, still panting heavily and struggling to regain his composure.

“‘M sorry.” Simon mumbles between bated breaths.

“It's alright, dovie.” You whisper tenderly, cupping Simon's face in your hands. You wipe away any stray tears that escape his eyes, a result of his built-up sexual frustrations. You press a loving kiss to his lips, electing a desperate groan from him.

“Come on, I'm sure the bed is more comfortable.” You say softly, pushing yourself away from the wall and taking him by the hand. Simon follows obediently, his head bowed low like a scolded puppy.

You can't help but chuckle at his demeanor; he's clearly thrilled at the thought of being alone with you and away from work. This would be the furthest you've gone in your relationship aside from the occasional foreplay and groping touches, and clearly, he's ecstatic about it.

Upon reaching the bedroom, Simon wastes no time, stripping out of his clothes with such swiftness that it surprises you. He's impatient, needy, and completely enamored by you. Now naked, his chiseled form stands out amid the dim light, muscles reflecting the weight of his job while the leaky head of his cock announcing his thirst.

He reaches for you, his hands craving to be anchored to your very being, but you push him away, making him growl in frustration. “Not yet, need a johnny.” You remind him as you too begin to get naked.

“Don't need one.” He grumbles out.

“And why not?”

For a moment, there's no answer; only the sound of his heavy breathing as he watches your heavenly body be laid bare to his eyes. His mouth waters as he burns the naked image of you into his mind, never wanting to forget this view.

“Are you gonna answer me, Si?” You turn to look at him and in an instant, he pushes you onto the bed and forces himself between your legs, gazing down at what would be his downfall: your wet and succulent cunt waiting for his ownership. Simon tries to bully his way inside, but you shut your thighs close before he can even try. He meets your gaze with a look of absolute betrayal on his face.

“Do you even know what you're doin’?” You ask, tilting your head curiously.

Simon freezes, almost like a deer caught in headlights, a pink flush creeping up his neck. “I've seen…in videos,” he admits through clenched teeth.

Your lips curve into a hum of amusement as you cautiously open your legs again and watch him for any impulsive moves. “Well, you can't just rush in.” You reach down and grip his cock firmly, bringing it towards your dripping entrance. “Slowly.”

Your teeth sinks into your bottom lip as his cock enters you, thick and full, stretching you wide with each inch. Simon's mouth falls open and his eyes close, focusing on tightness surrounding him.

It's everything he wanted and more.

His excitement takes over, and with an abrupt, strong thrust, he buries himself completely, causing you to gasp in both pleasure and pain. But Simon doesn't seem to notice; he's already lost in the sensation, drooling with delight as a tingling buzz of electricity runs up his spine.

“Ohh… fuck,” Simon moans, thrusting uncontrollably, not giving you a moment to adjust.

You feel incredible. This is what he has been missing out on - pure bliss.

Simon's movements are rough and uncoordinated, hitting spots that you didn't know existed, causing you to occasionally grit your teeth in discomfort but also moan with pleasure.

“Simon, please slow down,” you manage to call out, gripping onto his forearms as he pounds against you.

But he doesn't hear you.

Simon's too focused on the feeling of your pussy around his cock, the wet squelching only adding to his satisfaction. And when he does open his eyes, it's not to look at you but rather at the sight of your stretched and swollen cunt under his relentless act.

You are perfect, your pussy is perfect. His hips are moving, but what about his hands? How does he use them? As he finally looks at your face, his brown eyes beg for help, as if he wasn't just ravishing you without any concern.

You huff with annoyance and briefly consider turning him away after he forced himself onto you. But those brown eyes... how can you resist him? With a roll of your eyes, you take his hands and place them on your breasts. "There, just play with them."

Simon pauses, his large hands exploring and squeezing your breasts to his liking, watching as your mouth falls open in moans.

Ahh... now he's getting it.

Simon begins to thrust again, this time not only focused on his own pleasure but also yours. He rolls and squeezes your breasts until your nipples stand up prettily. He leans down, pressing your breasts together and eagerly suckles and licks on your nipples, with a hint of roughness.

You're seeing stars now.

His length hits a spot deep inside you while his tongue wets your nipples, sucking and making popping sounds as he moves between both tasks.

While Simon's thrusts are still awkward, there is no more pain now as he learns what makes you tighten around him even more. "Am I doing good?" he asks in muffled words, lips sucking hard on one nipple while his eyes plead for praise.

You can only nod, unable to form any words beneath him. Your legs instinctively wrap around his waist, pulling him deeper inside you until his tip reaches your cervix.

This spurs him on even further; the look in his eyes is intense, a burning flame only meant for you. Simon lets go of your breasts, interlocking his fingers with yours as he kisses you sloppily yet passionately, your tongues tangling together in a way he notices sends you into another tight clench. He takes note of this, kissing you even harder, the speed of his hips increasing as your bodies merge in a flurry of skin slapping against skin.

As your stomach tightens and your legs tremble, you know an orgasm is inevitable. "Si-" You gasp, pulling away from his lips. Simon silences you with a kiss, whispering, "Shh... I know."

He feels it, too. He wants it, too. He wants you to climax all over his cock. And you want nothing more than to give it to him. After all, it's his first time, and it's only fair that he gets his loves slick all over him.

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer as your bodies meld together in a warm embrace. Simon's close, too. He has been holding back since he entered you, savoring the feeling of being inside you for as long as possible. But with you beneath him, willing to give into his selfishness, how can he resist any longer?

He's on the edge, his hips starting to betray him. So he holds onto you tightly, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he rolls his hips out one last time before slamming back in and filling you with his hot cum.

"Simon!" You cry out in pleasure as your own orgasm washes over you, mixing with his inside of you.

In the aftermath, there is only silence apart from the sound of your heavy breathing. The scent of sex and sweat fills the air, mixed with the musky aroma of Simon's cologne. It's almost suffocating, but in the most exhilarating way

Neither of you moves or speaks until you break the silence. "You did good, big guy," you praise sweetly, running your fingers through his hair.

But Simon grumbles at that; he doesn't want to just be good. He wants to be better for you. "Let's change that," he states huskily, pressing feather-light kisses to your neck and collarbone, already hardening inside of you for round two.

"Fuck." You moan as he starts moving again.

🌤 Ty for the request, I have sm more, but it's hard to come up with ideas.

P.S. This wasn't proofread

[donutz]

Dogday “x” reader

Summary||Not romantic, at all, but you do give DogDay his legs back ^_^

Going over to the eerie hall, you see a bunch of cells.

Spooky..

I hear.. footsteps? No, not Catnap’s. It’s someone else.

Considering this absolutely terrifying place, something’s gonna pop out at me. Alright before I almost get murdered I’m gonna go to that area that I didn’t check out.

Oh. They’re fading away.

I see a room. With a big paw in the middle. Well, like a paw pillow. You think this is where Catnap sleeps? There’s little Smiling Critters. 

Cute. I just realized how adorable that is. Catnap sleepin here while little critters are above him. He’s still just a kitty.

Like 10 years ago..

Anyways I’m gonna go back.

I hear footsteps.. Again?

I go over to the last row a cells and— HOLY—

“You… You’re Poppy’s angel”.

I don’t want to exaggerate, but my mouth was WIDEE open. But I closed my mouth because that was pretty rude to do.

“Come to save us”.

I wanna do something but I’ll let him talk, not for long though, I can’t let DogDay be in anymore pain.

“Nothing left to save, not here”...

Lies, I could save you right now!!

“You’re in Catnap’s home, angel”.

Alright I’m done with you talking. I start, luckily since I used to mess with the toys, getting out my tools to start working.

Well, I find the sharpest one so I can cut the belts holding him up.

“Their home”.

“A million pairs of—”

I take one big swing at all of the belts, and fortunately they all snap! Of course I caught DogDay in time.

“I’m gonna make sure you’re okay, puppy.” I declare, not joking. Like 100%, DogDay is not dyin’ on me.

“But Angel I’ll only slow you down—”

“Lies”.

“The only thing I need to worry about is getting you safe, not you ‘slowing me down’!” I tried to sound a lot less annoyed, I’m not, at all. But I don’t want DogDay to burden himself even more.

I was also running from a bunch of small demons so yeah.

They were chasin’ me like they were tryna eat me alive!

No pun intended.

While I was speed crouchin’ through, there was little critters on the right side of me— I kicked them.

“Sorry little one!” I apologized, I didn’t feel fully bad but I still do because y’know! They’re still— a little bit like the bigger, original critters!

Barely.

Even though they kicked the smaller critters, they still apologized.. They really are an angel.

Finally making it out, I see three colored slides. I made a quick decision and decided to slide down the middle one.

Luckily that was the right one.

“Keep going angel, you’re doing good”..

DogDay is by far the best dog I’ve ever known.

I quickly switched my green hand to my purple hand and used the jump pad—

“Hold on”!

We made it on the platform and thankfully a metal door shut behind us, cutting off the smaller critters.

I pressed the button so we could go up, and waited.

“Angel, that was amazing! But why would you save me?” Wouldn’t it have been better if they left?

“Because I don’t want you to die. Plus, you didn’t slow me down. Also are you okay? Y’know, because of how much I was moving..?

“I'm alright Angel, are you”?

“I am completely fine! Physically”!

I gave him a smile, a real smile. Just so he doesn't think I'm lying.

“Plus, I'm really happy that I was able to get you outta there.”

Now, I just need to get the parts to rebuild him. I 100% do not mind doing that.

After some time, you were able to find a somewhat safe spot that was found by Poppy and Kissy.

And yes, you held DogDay the whole time. Like a little kid holding their stuffy.

You placed DogDay on the ground, he held himself up with his arms so you didn't need to worry too much.

“This might take a while, but the result will be worth it. Or not, depends on your opinion”.

“You reattaching my lower body will be worth it no matter how long it will take”.

I was a little surprised that he said that— he's still outgoing and kind after all these years…

I lifted my head and saw that he had a genuine smile— of course, I smiled back.

After— about two and a half hours I was done. My back is kinda sore but that doesn't matter.

“Okay, you wanna try sitting up”?

.

.

.

“Dog—”

There were visible stars in his eyes.

He was in awe because of my work, and gave me a hug. A really big hug.

“Thank you, Angel”...

“You've done so much for me, how could I ever repay you”...

While he was hugging you he stood up at the same time.

Omg he can walk!! I mean stand.

And Jesus he was tall, not 6’2 type stuff but he was like— 5’0! That's tall for a ‘toy’.

I hugged him back and we were there for a while.

I completely forgot he asked me something.

“Oh! Uhh, you do not need to repay me. But your way of repaying me is just being alive”.

“Promise”?

“... I promise Angel”.

[theorphicangel]

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐨 𝐜𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐦𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬. | 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐨’𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

tags: enemies to lovers, college au, smut, 18+, slow burn,

synopsis: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single, brooding man in possession of a good future in genetics, must be in want of a girlfriend.

Or at least a fake one to get his family off his back.

(college au & fake dating trope ft my favourite grumpy man who doesn't fall first but ends up falling harder. ouch.)

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taglist: @oharasfilipinawife @palesatan @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @amelialysm @crimin4llyins4ne @strawberryjuice9 @beezusvreeland @faretheeoscar @lunablackcosplay @t4naiis @peachey-pie @mcmiracles @hardlystrictlystarwars @migueloharastruelove @fruityfucker @kingtwhiddleston

Chapter six: stupidity and insensibility

series

You’re an idiot. 

And a failure.

Some would suggest a mixture of both.

Following your shift, you went straight back to your dorm room, not bothering to hang out on campus for any moment longer. A benefit of studying the fine craft of English Literature is that you have plenty of independent study hours, a little more than the average college student. Of course, this time should be spent reading, planning and writing essays for your upcoming assignments, but you barely make it down the first page of a Jane Austen novel without bursting into tears.

Ever since your conversation, Miguel’s words repeatedly ring in your ear. His tone and his judgemental facial expression are permanently indented in your mind. 

‘Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage for once?’

As much as you hate the guy you can’t help but agree with him. What the fuck did you expect to happen when you set up the advert for his car? That he would get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness? Of course not. 

You’re planning to head straight underneath your covers,  ready to cry yourself to sleep for the rest of the day when you hear your phone vibrate from the bottom of your bag. After delving through numerous books, notepads, wasted receipts and tissues do you finally find it. And your stomach drops once you see the caller ID.

‘Mom’

And that was just what you needed to make you cry harder. 

Sobbing, you collapse to the floor, your mind and body completely frustrated with yourself. If you could dig a deep hole to bury yourself into, you would. If you could press a button to get yourself off this cursed planet, you would. If you could just have the chance to not fuck up your life for one, single second…you would take in a heartbeat.

Midway through your breakdown, a  knock was heard at your door. Soon followed by the sound of your roommate calling out your name. Your sobs come to a halt, a hand over your mouth to silence yourself. 

And if you could magically turn invisible to spare you from the embarrassment of your roommate catching you having a breakdown on your bedroom floor, you most definitely would.

“Are you okay?”

You don’t reply, frowning at the sound of her voice. 

You thought that Lyla was out today, it’s past midday and you assumed that she was out on campus. To be fair, you didn’t really pay attention to your surroundings once you walked into the apartment. You were much too preoccupied in getting to your room before your emotions had gotten the better of you.

“Can I come in?”

You make no reply again. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears and feel a migraine begin as a result of your crying.

“Please?” Her voice is muffled from the outside. “I want to help you.”

Her tone is soft, not like the usual ring of playfulness and teasing. You’ve only known her for a little over a month but you can tell that she’s being genuine. 

Making it to your feet, you walk over to the door and allow yourself to let her in. To allow yourself to be seen by your roommate with makeup running down your cheeks and tear stains all over your shirt.

“Oh, my love, what’s wrong?” She murmurs, stepping into the room before shutting the door behind her. 

“Everything.” You croak out. A fresh set of tears begin to creep up, ready to overspill down your cheeks again. Lyla says no more, instead taking you into her arms, allowing you to cry your heart away.

Your cathartic moment lasts for a good ten minutes before your body and mind are totally exhausted. Lyla rubs tiny circles on your back whilst you hiccup away on your bed. It’s silent between you too, the autumn sun already setting in the distance. You don’t even know how long you’ve been cooped up in your room ever since you arrived from work. 

“I know what will cheer you up.”  Lyla smiles, waiting for the moment that curiosity hits you.

“What?”

/

Late night clubbing. 

That was Lyla’s medicine. And to be honest, what’s a better treatment than getting blackout drunk to forget all of your shitty problems?

You’re currently in a club that you don’t know the name of. It’s local, not too far from campus and actually not too far from your apartment. It reminds you that you’ve not yet had the chance to explore the city; being so caught up in work, assignments and readings does unfortunately take up the majority of your time.

It’s a small club with very loud music pounding in your ears, the stench of sweat and spilled alcohol is something that you’ve now grown accustomed to after spending the past two hours here. You can barely hear the things that Lyla is saying to you as she orders countless drinks for the both of you.

Right now, you’re on a high. Your entire body feels light and your vision is slightly blurry but you can’t tell as to whether that’s because of the lighting. You can barely remember the meltdown that you had earlier, it seemed like a lifetime ago to you. 

After Lyla had found you, she helped you get ready for tonight. You’re slightly surprised that a simple face full of makeup and a short dress with some heels would have cheered you up so easily. You’re happy, happily drinking away your sorrows. The small part of your conscience that remains sober warns of how much you’ll regret it in the morning. And just like any other drunk person would do, you ignore it.

“I can’t hear you!” you shout across to Lyla, failing to lip-read her sentence. 

Lyla draws in closer, the scent of her cherry lime tequila on her lips. “I wanna go talk to that girl in the corner.” She mumbles in your ear, now loud enough for you to hear. “Behind me.”

As subtle as you can, you try and take a peek behind Lyla. Squinting, you spot a girl in a black dress in the back corner of the club. She looks around about your age and you’d assume that she’s a first year too. She holds a pink drink, standing with her own group of friends. Every now and then, you notice the girl glancing towards where you and Lyla are standing. 

“Oh, girl….”

“I know right! She’s so hot.”

You look back at Lyla, a smile creeping across your face. “Go for it.”

“Lemme take a shot first, y’know? For my confidence.” Giggling, the two of you approach the bar. It’s busy for a weekday evening but you assume that with halloween coming up, most people are in the mood for a night out. 

Taking the shot, the liquid burns the back of your throat and the two of you pull disgusted faces at the taste. Brushing herself off, Lyla prepares to make her way over. 

“Right, do I look okay?” She dabs a little lip gloss across her lips.

“Gorgeous, girl.” You pat her on the shoulders. “You got this!”

Lyla blows you a kiss goodbye, “I’ll text you if anything happens!” You give her a little thumbs up, watching her make her way over to the girl and her group of friends. A smile slips across your lips at Lyla’s ease of making a conversation, slipping easily into the group.

You turn back, ready to order another drink when you spot a familiar set of eyes from across the other side of the bar. Your smile drops at the sight of Miguel. 

“Oh, fuck me.” you mumbled.

Ignore him. That was your plan. Ordering another shot, you decide to drink away the embarrassment of your conversation earlier. You’re not even facing him but you can feel his eyes practically bore into you. Unfortunately, you didn’t look long enough to see who he was with but you hope that he gets the hint and chooses to avoid your awkward situation. 

Your hopes come crashing down at the sound of his voice close, very close to you. Just a little turn of your head and you find him standing next to you. 

“Don’t you think you should slow down a little?” He judges the pair of shots that you hold in your hands.

“And don’t you think that you should mind your own business? How long have you been watching me?”

“I wasn’t watching.”

“Right,” You pause to take both of the shots, one right after the other. Sure, you were doing a little extra, but if anyone else was in your situation they would do the same.

 “And I’m totally trying not to get black out drunk.” You mutter sarcastically, wincing immediately at the after taste.

“Any reason why you’re doing so?”

You snort at his question. Typical. He threatens to call the police on you and now asks why you’re trying to drown your sorrows in cheap alcohol? Men are idiots.

“Why are you even talking to me? Shouldn’t you be busy calling the police on me?” You didn’t hide the frustration in your voice, fiddling with the empty shot glasses in your hands.

Miguel hesitates. That’s a good question. A question that he unfortunately doesn’t have the answer to. But you’re not going to wait around for an answer.

“I’m going to get another shot so if you don’t mind, please leave me alone.”

“Don’t you have a shift tomorrow?”

Shit .

 You do. An early one too and if you don’t go home now then you’re looking at getting four to five hours sleep max.

But you’re not going to admit that to him. You shrug. “So what?”

“You need to go home.”

“And you need to leave me alone.” You’re already sounding drunk, the multiple drinks that you’ve consumed over the past few hours building up in your system and not in a good way. “I’m waiting for my roommate, she’s somewhere over there.” You stumble a little as you point to the back of the club.

Immediately, Miguel’s hands move to steady you. His large hands touch your waist, keeping you in place. Heat abruptly rises throughout your body, his actions having more of an effect on you than you’d like to admit. 

“And you need to go home.” He repeats, his tone a little more stern. 

“I said–”

Your sentence is interrupted as you feel your phone vibrate. The screen glows, illuminating your face as you read the texts that pop up on your home screen.

Lylaaaaaaa :) - (Sent at 2:23am)

- I tried looking for you, where did you go? :(((( xx

- also…I’m not coming home tonight wink wink

- Get home safe okay? xx text me when you make it back xx get an uber please!  xxxxxx

A sigh leaves your throat, your mood dejected. “She’s not coming back.” you mumble to yourself.

For some superhuman reason that you cannot understand, Miguel manages to hear you over the pounding music.

“I’ll take you home.”

You’re taken aback at his suggestion, your brain malfunctioning for a few seconds.

“Uhmmm, no.”

“Why–”

“Because.” You cut him off before he can even finish.

“That’s not a reason, nena . You can barely stand.”

“Because I hate you and I want nothing to do with you.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Drunk enough to know that I still fucking hate you.”

“I should be the one hating you.” he scoffs. “You were the one who tried to sell my car.”

Your anger suddenly boils at the mention of it. You drunkenly point a finger at him, your nail tapping his chest as you speak. “Because you were a fucking asshole to me and wrote a fucking mean ass review about me!”

Miguel scoffs. “You did all this because I was rude to you? Por favorrr Dios, dame fuerza.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a breath. [Please God, give me strength.] “So when your boss criticizes your work you’re just gonna go out and break the law for some petty revenge?” 

“But you’re not my boss, that’s the difference.”

“And if I was, I'd fire you in a heartbeat.”

You meet his eyes, the two of you staring at each other unmoving as the music continues. The atmosphere of the club is beginning to get heavy. It’s getting harder to breathe with every minute that passes. You’re not sure whether that’s because there’s too many people here right now or if it’s because you’ve locked eyes with Miguel O’hara.

“I hate you.”

“Ditto here, nena .”

“M’going.” you announce abruptly, turning away from him. You barely make it a few steps away from him before a hand tightly grabs your wrist. You turn back expecting to see Miguel and forcefully push the figure away from you as hard as you can. 

“Hey! What the fuck? You made me spill my drink!”  are the words of the mouth of a complete stranger. 

“Oh shit–”

The stranger's expression turns to an angry frown yet he quickly disappears from view as Miguel stands between the two of you.

“Maybe keep your hands to yourself then, compa.” 

Miguel grabs you gently by the arm pulling you away. “Quick, before he gets angry. I think this asshole’s drunk.” He mumbles in your ear, his voice low and raspy.

“Who’s paying for my drink?” are the words that you leave behind to be swallowed up by the music.

Miguel takes you swiftly through the crowd, his height paying off in getting people to move out the way for him. “I’m taking you back to your dorm room. No ifs or buts.”

You barely have an argument to reply back with, your mind preoccupied with trying to make sense of that situation. 

Before you know it, you come to a halt in front of a table where a girl who you assume is your age is seated with a drink in her hand. Another person who you don’t know the name of is by her side. Her face lights up at the sight of you and Miguel.

“Jess, I’m going to take her home.”

“Whoa, whoa–”

He sighs, “Ay por dios– not my home. I’m taking her back to her dorm room, she’s someone I know and her drunk ass is gonna pass out any second.”

You observe Miguel’s friend in front of you, golden hoop earrings glistening under the club’s disco lights. You can’t pull your eyes away from her hair, black curls shaping her face.

“You’re really pretty!” you sob, tears beginning to blur your vision.

“Uhhh…thank you?” She raises a brow. “You too!”

You sob even harder, turning to Miguel. “She called me pretty!”

“And we’re going.”

Before you know it you’re whisked off, waving goodbye to a friend that you wanted to get to know better.

Stepping outside of the club, the cool air hits your body. The late October chill makes you shiver, almost regretting your decision at not bringing a thicker coat. Miguel keeps his hand on your wrist, he’s not holding you too tightly but just enough for you to keep your balance. He keeps close to your body, the warmth of him radiating over to your own. You hate it. How much you needed him. 

To keep you warm. Of course. That was all.

“I hate you, Miguel O’hara.”

“Uh-huh, you keep telling me that.”

“Just making sure that you don’t forget.”

“I sure won’t.”

You hate it. You hate him and his sarcastic attitude, his confidence and his ego. If he wasn’t so goddamn rude then you might have been more willing to accept the idea that you were attracted to him.

“You ruined my life.”

“You did that to yourself, nena .”

Silence comes between the two of you as you ponder on his words. The realization hits you abruptly. 

“I did, didn't I?”

You stop in your tracks, causing Miguel to do the same, his hand still around your wrist.

“Oh, please don’t start crying again–”

“I’m such a bad person,” you begin. “I-I-I ruined my life by trying to sell your car and I nearly got fired at my first ever job and I lied to my mom… I lied to my mom.” you emphasize.

Miguel shugs, “We all have, haven't we?”

“I lied to my mom about having a boyfriend!” You exclaimed. “And– and–and I’m a terrible daughter and I deserve death! and–and—

“ Hey , hey , don’t say that about yourself.” Miguel’s voice is stern, forcing you to look at him.

“But I lied and now she– she’s expecting me to bring someone over for thanksgiving and I don’t have anyone because I’m a liar and a criminal and I’m going to prison!” you sob harder, kneeling on the ground.

Miguel loses his grip on your wrist as you crouch down, crying. 

He looks around, searching for anybody nearby to help you and this…state that you’re in. But of course, there’s no one around on campus at two in the morning and he curses under his breath.

Bending down slightly, he decides to try the softer approach.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed and you can sleep and forget that this never happened.”

You lift up your head, tears dripping from your chin. “No. I- I won’t forget, I’ll just remember it all over again and– and –”

“Hey, look at me.” Your eyes meet his, this time with makeup dissolving down your face.  “I promise you’ll go to sleep and forget all about this okay? I promise.”

“Do you pinky promise?” You hold out your pinky in front of him. 

“I pinky-promise.” He sighs.

You shake your head, pouting. “No, you have to link with me.” He’s reluctant but it’s done and sealed for good. 

Slowly but surely he manages to get you to stand up again and starts to get you to walk. Through your drowsing speech he manages to figure out where you live based on which building you point to and he thanks the gods above that you don’t live far away from campus.

As you get nearer to your apartment, your tears slow down and you manage to recollect yourself, hiccuping every now and then as your sobs quieten down. You’re tired. Exhausted even. And you can’t wait for your head to hit the pillow. 

“Are you alright?” Miguel asks as you now approach your apartment building. 

You nod silently. He won’t try to get you to say anything anymore. 

He helps you up the flight of stairs, making sure that you don’t topple over. You grip his bicep for support, trying not to think about his scent, or the way he looks at you or the close proximity between the two of you as he helps you up each step.

You’ll question why he did all this tomorrow. But for now, you really just want some fucking sleep. Once you make it to your door, he stands to the side, silently watching you unlock it. The door swings open and you find yourself hesitating to get inside.

“You think you’ll be okay?” He asks, his voice soft.

You nod silently again. This is the part where you thank him for taking you home but you really don’t feel like it. Not to him. You nod in response.

Awkwardly, you enter your apartment, not looking back before closing the door. 

Your apartment is dark and cold. You don’t even want to turn on the lights, afraid that it’ll be too much of an eyesore. 

Your clothes that you were trying on with Lyla before you left are strewn across the living area. The black dress that you almost chose to wear tonight now crumpled over the couch. 

Entering your bedroom, you manage to blindly make your way to your bed. Not bothered to get out of your clothes or take off your make-up. The silence is eerily loud around you, second to, your heartbeat thumping loud in your ears.

“I hate you Miguel.” you say aloud, despite him being long gone.

And just like he promised, you fell asleep and managed to forget all about it. 

reblogs are much appreciatated!!

[atzloverr]

HAHAHAHAHHA im fine dont worry, i had a tumor on my breast which turns out to be benign so im okay now! i had surgery to take it out thats why i was warded.

oH speaking of being warded, i was imagining about how seonghwa would be dead worried when his s/o got warded lol. could i please request just a lil fluff on how seonghwa insisted on taking care of you even go as far as sleeping at the hospital and you were worried he would be uncomfortable so you ask him to climb on the hospital bed with you. ohhhhhh imagine kissing him and giggling trying to be quiet cause youre afraid the nurses gonna be mad if they saw him on your bed jsksksks

Oh my god a TUMOR???? I really hope you’re really okay and that everything will be well for you in the future, and thank you for your requests, it’s really appreciated!!! I’m sorry this has taken me forever to post, like I mentioned in another post, I already wrote this but it all got deleted, so I had to rewrite it… Hope you enjoy anyways!!!

You had never seen such a panicked look on your boyfriend’s face before. You knew that he was coming when you heard the loud sounds of his feet scrambling towards your room. Although you knew he would be worried, you never expected this type of reaction.

When your doctor made the call to him, you saw the way his eyes widened before he tried to reassure Seonghwa that you were in fact alright, and that this wasn’t life threatening. He was interrupted multiple times, and you could hear Seonghwa’s panicked voice leave the doctor’s phone from across the room.

“Yes… Yes, she’s in room five but—“ the doctor spoke, but he stopped to look at his screen. You eyed him in confusion from your position in the bed. “Seems like he hung up,” he smiled at you. You raised an eyebrow.

“I bet he’s on his way now, with the way he was going,” the doctor smiled. You returned a weak grin before he made his leave and reminded you once again to ‘press the red button if you need anything’.

After your test results came back, you had gotten a call from your doctor, urging you to come to the hospital. You only sighed when he informed you that you needed to stay for a few days.

“It’s for your own good, Y/n. We need to make sure everything is under control before you can return home,” he informed, a sympathetic look coating his features. You didn’t like being away from home, but didn’t want to risk anything happening to you.

Now, you found yourself nearly suffocated by Seonghwa’s tight grip, his concerned voice speaking inaudible words into your hair. You laughed, telling him to get off of you.

“Oh, I’m sorry did- did I hurt you?” he asked, backing away from you immediately. You couldn’t help but smirk at his worry.

“I’m fine Seonghwa, we both know that,” you tried, reaching out your hand for him to grab. He took it immediately, sitting down on a stool next to your bed. “If you were really fine, you wouldn’t be here,” he pouted.

For the next ten minutes, Seonghwa bombarded you with questions. Things along the lines of, how are you feeling? Do you need anything? What did the doctors say? kept flowing out of his mouth.

“Please, listen to me,” you smiled, snapping his attention towards you. You moved your hands to cup his face, wiping away the lone tear that had left his eye. “I’m alright. They just need to check up on me for a few days, then everything will go back to normal.”

Seonghwa’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, but he eventually nuzzled into your hands in defeat. “Okay… But that doesn’t mean I can’t be worried about you,” he pouted, making you want to kiss his beautiful lips in an instant. You nodded before pulling his face towards you slightly.

“Won’t you give me a kiss?” you said, looking into his glossy eyes. In a matter of seconds, his lips pressed against yours in affection, hands caressing the back of your head gently.

“My poor baby,” he cooed after your lips disconnected. You giggled, teasingly pushing him away. “Stop that.” Seonghwa’s lips pecked yours once again. “In your dreams.”

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

“Please, Hwa I- I assure you, I’m fine,” you tried, but judging from Seonghwa’s expression, he wasn’t going to back down.

“Nope, I’m staying,” he insisted, crossing his arms in a childish manner.

”You’ve already done more than enough for me today, and besides—“ you took his hand in yours. “—where are you supposed to sleep?”

Seonghwa’s eyes traveled around the room, looking for a solution. His gaze found yours again.

“There’s a chair, isn’t there? That works for me!” he said, trying to put on a stoic expression. You responded with a mere sigh and a small pout on your lip.

“Please, just let me be here for you.” He took your hand in his once again, his slender fingers caressing your hand, warming it slightly. Your gaze traveled lower as you gave in with a deep sigh.

You barely even noticed him leaning in until his lips were pressed against yours in a deep kiss, his fingers still intertwined with yours. You returned the kiss and caressed his soft hair with your free hand. He let out a low moan as your fingernails dragged through his scalp.

He pouted when your lips disconnected, the worried look on his face reminding you of a mother worrying over her child. You smiled at his furrowed eyebrows and his big, twinkling eyes staring right into yours.

Night eventually came, the sun setting outside of your window before the nurse came into your room for the last time, giving Seonghwa a smile of approval as she watched his form, still sitting on that same chair right next to your bed. When you went to go brush your teeth, Seonghwa had insisted that he needed to come with you, making sure that nothing would happen to you. You didn’t even have the energy to fight him over it, and instead just let him fuss if it made him feel better.

Now you found yourself in the same bed you had spent the entire day in, your eyelids drooping even with your lack of activity for the past hours.

You glanced over at Seonghwa, the only thing illuminating his handsome features being the dim lighting from the hospital corridor. You felt guilty over having him sit on that hard chair, while you did try to convince him to go home for the night, you felt so spoiled.

“Seonghwa,” you called out, causing him to stand up immediately, his eyes growing wide at your sudden call. “Yes, what’s wrong? Do you need anything—“

You suddenly grabbed his hand, pulling him down towards you, making him gasp in surprise. He landed on top of you on the bed, his hands on either side of your head as his wide-eyed expression meeting your smug grin.

“Oh my god, Y/n, what are you doing? I could’ve hurt you and—“

You shut him up by pulling his face down and giving him a deep kiss. You kept kissing him, and as you felt him soften into the kiss you guided him to lie down next to you on the bed. He couldn’t help but comply, his weight making the bed slump slightly as he lay down next to you. It was a tight fit, that you had to admit, but you couldn’t have cared less right now, craving the warmth of his presence. You pulled away from him, looking into his still surprised eyes.

“Won’t you lie here with me?” you asked, giving him a look you knew he wouldn’t be able to resist. He glanced towards the door, lowering his tone slightly. “But what about the nurses? What if they’ll be angry with me—“

“Then I’ll be angry with them. I’ll just tell them I couldn’t sleep or something,” you deadpanned. A moment of silence followed your statement, until Seonghwa’s expression finally softened, his face becoming calm after having that worried look for the entire day it seemed.

He let himself relax in the bed, and even in the dim lighting, you could see a small smile form on his face, immediately making you feel better. He pulled you into his embrace, gently holding his arms around you as you buried your face in his chest.

The smell of his cologne mixed with the subtle scent of your laundry detergent reminded you of home, filling you up with feelings of comfort. It was nice to finally not feel the hospital smell.

Feeling yourself getting more and more tired, you lifted your head to give Seonghwa what you had imagined to be a good night kiss, but when your lips met his soft ones, you felt yourself struggling to disconnect yourself from him.

The kiss evolved into something more intimate, more lustful. You felt yourself starting to subconsciously climb on top of him, your lips never leaving his in your heated session. Seonghwa suddenly pulled away, making you blink in confusion.

“Y/n, we shouldn’t do this here- now, it’s not—“ His eyes kept darting towards the door, a blush clearly coating his cheeks.

“Why not?” you asked innocently, a smirk soon finding your lips. “Scared the nurses will hear us, huh?” you teased.

You gave him a puzzled look when he carefully moved you back to your old position, on your side, facing him.

“I know you’re exhausted, I can see it on the way your eyes are barely even opened,” he smiled, arms wrapping around you once again. “I think you need to sleep, darling.”

You couldn’t even protest, already feeling yourself dozing off as he started rubbing your back in that soothing motion he knew you loved.

“Good night, sweetie,” he said before plastering a kiss to your forehead, and you couldn’t even find the energy to answer him, merely seconds from falling asleep in his warm and comfortable arms.

masterlist

[maxillness]

Hooked || KM20 x Rival driver!Reader

Warnings: 18+, unprotected sex, ewb, sub!kevin, pwp, thigh grinding, coming in pants, multiple orgasm, overstimulation, praise kink, oral (m)

Wordcount: 1k

One night. One night it took for him to get hooked. Everybody said he was sleeping with the enemy, but he can’t walk away, even if he tried

Maybe because she always were there for him when he was low, and that she held him high

But then again, every single place they would go, she would always start a fight, and really, he should stop running back to her, he just could when she kissed his neck and took a bite

Deep down, he knew it was wrong. He knew it was wrong to like the feeling of his rival pressing him up against the hotel door, her lips covering his neck in purple bruises and her bloody knuckles turning white from the force on his waist

His own hands wrapped around her biceps as he rolled his hips on her thigh that was placed between his own

“Please, I need you so bad” He could already feel his orgasm nearing just from grinding down on her thigh

“Come for me, baby” She whispered low as she bit down on his neck softly, soothing her tongue over the marks she had made

“N-no, please, wanna come inside you, please” She loved the way his whines sounded as they were mixed with his loud moans

“Don’t think I’m only letting you come once, love” His nails dug into her skin as he came, unable to hold it back anymore

“Mmm, just like that, baby” She cooed as he slowed down his hips, body shaking from the overstimulation

She chuckled as he whined from the loss of contact from her thigh. He almost fell to his knees as she stepped away

“Please…” His voice was low as he looked at her with his beautiful blue eyes she couldn’t resist

“Get on the bed for me” He wasted no time to get over to the bed and sit at the foot of it “Good boy” If his whole body wasn’t covered in a deep blush, it definitely would be now

She walked over to him and got on her knees in front of him. He leaned back, putting his weight into his hands behind him

He squirmed as her hands worked on the button and zipper of his jeans. He whined as he bucked his hips and she pulled them down

“You already hard for me again, baby?” She asked, noticing his hard cock in his cum covered boxers

He only let out a low hum mixed with a whimper as she started kissing the insides of his thighs, looking up at him with blow pupils

She drew away from his thighs, her fingers hooking into the waistband of his boxers. He whined as the wet fabric drew down his sensitive cock

Her hands went to his waist, hitching his shirt up as her lips traveled closer to his leaking cock

He whimpered as she licked a stripe up his cock. She loved the moans she drew out of him as her tongue circled his tip, tacking in all the pre-cum he had produced. His body shook at his already nearing orgasm

“P-please. I need your mouth, please” She gave in on his pleas and hallowed her cheeks, never once breaking eye contact with him

She slowly started to bop her head up and down, her tongue pressing against the vein of his cock, pushing him closer to the edge of his orgasm

“P-please, ‘m so close” He managed to get out between his loud moans “B-baby, please” He had involuntary started bucking his hips to fucked her mouth, hitting the back of her throat every time, making her gag around him, the edge getting closer and closer

She only managed to give him a few more bops of her head before he was spilling his hot seed down her throat as her name rolled off his tongue with a loud moan

She got off of him, swallowing before standing up on her wobbly knees, hissing slightly as they hurt as hell

“Get into the middle, baby” He didn’t hesitate before pulling his shirt over his head and getting into the middle

She slowly tore off her clothes as she watched him move further into the bed. She chuckled slightly as his back arched in a second of her slipping down on him as a result of his overstimulation

“F-fuck. Please” His moans were breathy as she slowly started moving on him, letting herself slip a few whimpers out of her mouth

“Fuck, Kev. Feels so good. So good for me” She sped up her hips, making Kevin’s grip on her hips tighter, digging his nails into her skin, most definitely leaving marks for tomorrow

Kevin whined as he could already feel his third orgasm building up, feeling it too soon as she was nowhere near hers

“P-please, baby. ‘M close” His eyes were screwed shut as his mouth hung open as loud moans spilled from him

“Already? Am I that good?” He nodded rapidly, his neck almost hurting from the movements and position

“Yeah? Let me hear you say it. Use your pretty voice” She chuckles as he whimpers at her words, a hand going to her clit circling it

“You so good. Feels s’good. P-please, gonna- please” She smirked slightly at his slurred words, knowing she was the only one pulling them out of him

“Come for me, baby” She encouraged as she felt her own orgasm nearing as well

Not a second went by before he held her down on his hips, coming deep inside her

The feeling of his cum dripping down his cock and out of her, send her over the edge, her whole body shaking as his name rolled of her tongue

They both breathed heavily as she got off of him, laying down beside him

“We need to stop” He said suddenly, but not surprising her at all

“You say that every time, Kevin” She said before standing up from the bed to clean them both

“We both know we ain’t gonna stop anytime soon” She said as she had gotten them both under the covers, pulling his body flushed against her own

[heartfullofleeches]

I need a 'tries really hard to be evil' scientist reader who works for a bunch of villains who know with their entire hearts that the scientist they hired is a total idiot but they love them so much they can't bring themselves to fire them, you can always catch them saying to each other " for someone who has a doctor title, they are quite an idiot" as they exchange videos of the reader being happy and jumping around bc they finally got their murder robot to work

(Couldn't really go with the whole "idiot" vibe - just a clumsy reader and their murderous employers)

You stumble into the front of the room, dropping important paperwork every other step and a remote soon after. Gaining your balance, you press the button on the remote that turns the projector on. Standing directly in front of the lens, you're blinding momentarily as its light shines in your eyes; quickly stepping out of the way. You clear your throat as you point to the machine on display.

"We'v finally completed production on our latest robot." You click another button. "As you can see through the use of these dummies, it is able to cut through the human body and most metals with ease. Most of the remaining information is in this folder, but due to some... unforeseen problems- I'm open to answering any questions."

"No, that will be all. Thank you, Y/n."

The room of stoic individuals praise you for your hard work with a round of applause. All except for one. Your excused shortly after, the villains left talking over the plans for the robot - however, their conversation seemed to solely center on you.

"I got a few pictures of them sleeping in the lab before the meeting. Poor thing needs to take better care of themself."

"They did better than last week - that's for sure. Would love to approve their vacation days, if they would just telling us where they were going."

"Has anyone gotten their new apartment bugged yet? They rejected the offer for that nice place nearby, so we don't have eyes on them currently."

"Excuse me..."

All heads turns towards the party in the room. A lacky who thought they had what it took to run with the heads of the group, only to find them fawning over some ditzy scientist.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but are they really our head scientist? The results are satisfactory, however it looks like they were born with two left feet. Maybe we should just let them be in charge of design.

The remainder of the group all look at each other; nodding in agreement on an unspoken decision.

"Moving on from that - we were just about to decide where to test the device first, but it seems we already have the perfect rat."

[absurdthirst]

New Year, New Life {Javier Peña x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: Protected sex, finger, vaginal sex, oral sex (female receiving), unexpected pregnancy, mentions of abortion, childbirth, mentions of breastfeeding, angst, coparenting. unrequited feelings, Dad!Javi comes with his own warning.

Comments: When Javier Peña runs away from the wedding to Lorraine, he ends up at your house and your bed. One night with him resulting in an unexpected pregnancy, making both of you decide to co-parent while Javi is in Colombia.

A/N: Happy New Years!!!!!

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Come in Peña.” You say over the dispatch radio in your office. “Peña” comes his reply and you smile, “slow night, huh?” You chuckle. 

He grins, sitting in his car as he watches the cars pass by on the highway. “Always. Laredo is boring as shit.” 

You chuckle at his bored tone, “sounds like you need some action.” You fluster as you realize your words. Javier Peña is off limits, he’s with Lorraine. Engaged to Lorraine. Marrying Lorraine next week. You clear your throat, “I mean. It’s too quiet.” You look over at the board, “I have coffee and donuts for when you’re back.”

Javi rolls his eyes, grinning even as he’s pressing the button on his radio. “Donuts?” He huffs playfully. “Whadya think? I’m that pendejo Rodriguez?” He jokes, knowing that the entire department knows of his disdain for the portly detective who never managed to collar any of the runners that seem to be growing in numbers from across the border.

You giggle, shaking your head, and you know Javier thinks Rodríguez is an idiot. Letting go those drug mules that cross the border because “it’s not his department. That’s the DEA’s bullshit, not ours.” You push your button, “no. Just figured you’d want something sweet after being out all night. Although I’m sure Lorraine has your breakfast ready for you when you get home.” You release the button, trying to not let yourself think about Javi and Lorraine. She’s gorgeous and you’re…not his type. Never will be. He’s going to be a married man.

Javi winces, thinking about how angry Lorraine had been with him before he had left for work tonight. Once again arguing about how he should leave the sheriff’s department and join her father’s business, but he has zero interest in being a ‘businessman’. Javier Peña enjoyed bringing in the criminals, making them pay for hurting others. “Ehhhh, probably not.” He drawls. “I’ll be lucky if she lets me sleep on the couch when I get home.” 

You wince, “ouch. Doesn’t sound like marital bliss.” You shake your head, cursing yourself for your comment, “I mean - all couples have spats. Anyway. I have a donut here for you if you want it.” You release the button, knowing that Javier will likely head straight home like he always does, not stopping for long since he has to get home to his fiancée. You know it’s wrong to have a crush on a taken man, but these nightly talks just deepen your crush on him.

“Nah, I’ll stop by.” He promises, looking at another car passing by. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes if you want to make a fresh pot of that sludge the sheriff likes.” He chuckles, knowing how much you rolled your eyes and kept a stash of ‘good’ coffee in your desk drawer for overnights. He likes talking to you and maybe he can get some insight into how to keep Lorraine happy. It seems like it’s getting more and more difficult as the wedding approaches. He feels like it’s just stress, but he finds himself wishing the entire thing would just be over with, although he doesn’t quite see himself settled into domestic bliss with her. A guilty feeling he pushes off and tries to ignore. 

“Sure thing. See you soon. Over and out.” You tell him, releasing the button and you grab the good coffee from your drawer. Javier is just a friend, he’s getting married next week. You need to get over your crush on him, it’s not right. 

****

It’s Javier’s wedding day, most of the station is in attendance except you. Sure, you got an invite but you decided to volunteer for the shift, not wanting to have to watch Javi marry the beautiful Lorraine. It’s nearly three in the afternoon so Javi should be married by now. You sigh and grab your coat, deciding to head home now your replacement is here for the night shift. When you arrive at your house, a suited up Javi is pacing on your porch. “Javi? What are you doing here?” You frown after you kill the engine and step out of the car.

“Hey.” Javi has stripped down to his tuxedo shirt and his pants, the tie, vest and jacket in his truck. “I-uh, I just- do you mind if we go inside?” He’s jittery and full of doubts and conflicting emotions but he knows he didn’t want to go to the church. It’s too late by now anyway, Lorraine has been stood up. He watches you hustle up the walkway and sighs in relief. “I just- I was driving to the church.” The cigarette in his mouth bobbles as he talks, the ash long and nearly falling off. “But then I just drove past and made a loop back here.”

You don’t answer, confused by his disheveled look and the fact that he’s not at the altar getting married. You unlock your front door, sensing him following you inside and he politely snubs out his smoke before entering your home. “I - why aren’t you married?” You ask, addressing the elephant in the room as Javi shuts the door behind him.

“I don’t want to marry her.” Javi admits it out loud for the first time since he had asked Lorraine to marry him. He had felt pressured, and the scare about the baby that turned out to be a false positive made him think that he had to do the right thing. Except, right before the last second, he had changed his mind. “I don’t want to marry Lorraine.”

You stare at him for a moment, shocked at his confession, and you can see that it’s a weight off of his chest. The relief in his eyes is evident and you don’t waste a moment stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. “That’s okay. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” You promise, wanting to be there for him, to show him how much you care.

Javi has never touched you, beyond your elbow or arm when he’s walking you out to your car at night. He never let himself, ignoring his attraction to you because it’s a small fucking town and he was with Lorraine. He’s an asshole, but he doesn’t cheat, his pop would bury him where no one would find his body if he found out Javier Peña ran around on his girl. Now though…..he’s free to do what he wants.

When he doesn’t respond, you pull back, swallowing harshly. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have - I know it’s - shit. I’m sorry Javi. I’ll, uh, I’ll go make some coffee.” Your cheeks are on fire, your heart pounding and you feel sick with awkwardness as you turn towards your kitchen, desperate to get away from the disaster you created.

Javi follows you, watching the nervous way you get everything set up. It’s calming for him, watching you make the coffee, something he can rely on. It’s going to be a shit storm over the next few weeks, but luckily he won’t be here. “I- I resigned from the sheriff’s department.” He admits, making you freeze and whip your head around to look at him. “Yesterday. I-“ he shuffles slightly. “I got accepted into the DEA.”

You stare at him in surprise, shocked at the sudden decision but then you think about the times Javi has talked about wanting to do more, to stop the drugs crossing the border. He’s been to too many OD calls for one lifetime. He has always mentioned wanting to change things. “Oh wow. That’s, uh, that’s amazing. Don’t you - you have to go to the academy?” He nods and you mimic him, “when do you leave?” Your heart breaks but you know he is following his own.

“I am supposed to go in a week, give me time for the honeymoon.” Javi shuffles, remembering the argument with Lorraine about that. She somehow thought they were supposed to have a month of not doing anything but fucking. Which, Javi would never turn down, but he was excited to go to the academy. “But I think I might just go early. Get out of town and avoid the drama.”

You nod in understanding, “I get that. Get away from the looks. I - I hope you are happy there. Of course, I’m going to miss you. Miss our talks. Rodriguez just isn’t that same.” That makes Javi chuckle and you turn on the coffee machine in your kitchen, the whirling noise indicating it’s working. “I’m going to miss you.” You tell him with a soft smile.

He’s good at reading people. It’s a skill that he’s used before Lorraine and reading your body language, he takes a step closer to you. Stepping into your space and watching the way your pupils change, dilating. “I’m going to miss you too.” He admits, slowly reaching for you. It’s not wrong, he’s not with Lorraine and he needs to distract him and touch you. No, he’s wanted to touch you, and now he can.

When his hands grip your waist, your breathing stops and your heart pounds. When his head leans in towards yours, you’re certain your heart is going to stop. When his lips meet yours, you’re certain you’ve died. Freezing for a moment, you are shocked at the kiss, until you remember that this is the first and last chance you’ll ever have to kiss Javier Peña. You respond to the kiss, tangling your fingers in his hair to pull him even closer.

Once you don’t push him away, Javi groans. His tongue slides into your mouth and his kisses turn hungry. Devouring your mouth and pulling you closer. Hands move from your waist to grip your ass firmly while he moves you both against the counter.

You whimper into the kiss, unable to stop yourself and you gasp when his tongue slides along your lower lip. You eagerly allow him access and he grabs the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto the counter. Your heart pounds and you slide your hands down his back, tugging on his tucked in dress shirt as you are desperate to touch more of him.

Javi loves sex. Loves the taste and feel of a woman. Losing himself in their soft body and their moans taking over every thought in his head. Your fingers on his skin makes him groan into your mouth, his own eager hands trying to get under your clothes as quickly as possible so he can finally feel you.

You gasp when he kisses along your neck. His hands dragging your shirt over your head and you let him, exposing your lace bra and you whine his name when his lips kiss along your cleavage. You know this is wrong, he’s just stood his bride up at the altar but you can’t stop, this need you’ve had for him finally coming out.

His teeth scrap along your skin and he kisses down the lacy front so he can suck on your nipple through the fabric. Loving how you are whining and tugging on his hair. He hisses and just sucks harder, working it into a hard nub and grinning up at you when you look down at him.

You moan at the way his teeth nips at your flesh and you run your fingers through his hair. “Fuck Javi.” You moan, tilting your head back and you hiss when you hit it on the cupboard behind. 

“Shit. You okay?” Javi asks after pulling back from your breast. 

“Yes. I- bedroom?” You ask, wondering if he wants more.

His eyes flash and he nods, pulling back and helping you down from the counter. “Lead the way, baby.” He doesn’t know where your room is and he doesn’t want to push you but if you want him in your bed, he will be there. “Better than the counter. More room to touch you.”

You take his hand, knowing you can never come back from this. He’s leaving but you know this one night will be all he can ever give you. You’ll take it, you want him enough to take it. You guide him to your bedroom, opening the door with your free hand and you flick on the light switch as you enter. You turn to look at him, reaching up to unbutton that white dress shirt.

You are in your bra and jeans, looking beautiful and Javi’s eyes flutter slightly as your fingers brush over his skin. It’s wrong to sleep with you and leave the next day, but he needs to touch you. His fingers hook into your jeans and underwear to start to pull them down, wanting to see how wet you are.

You step out of your jeans, reaching behind you to unhook your bra, and you stand in front of him, nude and vulnerable while he’s almost fully dressed. You lean in to kiss his jaw, pushing the shirt off of his shoulders, eager to feel more of him.

“Jesus.” Javi hisses, hands caressing your hips and squeezing your ass. His cock is throbbing in his tuxedo trousers and he needs to be inside you. Letting go of your ass, he starts to fumble with his belt. “Always wanted you.” He confesses, ripping the belt open and working on the hook in the waistband.

Javi tosses the belt to the floor and you can’t help but reach out to squeeze him through his pants. “Fuck Javi. I need you to touch me.” You plead, “I need you to fuck me.” You request with a whine, unbuttoning his pants.

There’s a satisfied smirk on his face as he reaches out and cups your tits. “Going to.” He promises. “Fuck, been so long since I’ve…” he breaks off, not wanting to talk about Lorraine, not right now. It’s been a long time since he’s been with someone other than his ex fiancée and takes over the second that you have his pants open, pushing them down and kicking them off while back you up to the bed.

You shuffle back onto the bed, sitting up on your elbows to watch him as he strips off, kicking off his polished shoes, and you swallow harshly at his hard cock. “Fuck.” You gasp under your breath, shifting onto your knees to take him into your mouth for just a moment until he’s pushing you away. 

“Lay down.” He orders and you nod but pout, shifting to lay back down on the bed.

He has to pick up his pants again, reaching for his wallet to pull out the condom he keeps there. He’s only been with Lorraine for a long time, but he wants to keep you safe. “Fuck, look at you.” He growls, ripping open the foil with his teeth so he can roll the rubber down his stiff length.

You spread your legs for him, biting your lip as he shuffles closer, and when he notches his cock at your entrance after swiping the covered head through your folds, you whimper his name. “Please.” You beg, tired of him teasing you, and when he finally pushes into you, your head lolls on the pillow, eyes closing as your mouth falls open at the stretch.

Javi’s jaw drops, groaning as he pushes through your walls. Feeling how tight you are squeezing around him as he fills you until the coarse hairs at the base of his cock are grinding against your soaked folds. “Fuck.” He hisses, leaning down and kissing you while he takes a moment. Both to give you time to adjust to hun and to allow him to relax, not wanting to blow his load too quickly.

You caress his back, just enjoying how he feels inside of you, filling you up and stretching you out. “God, you feel so good.” You murmur, realizing he hasn’t even moved yet. You reach down to squeeze his ass, silently encouraging him to move, while his lips kiss along your neck.

Groaning, he starts to slowly rock into you. Savoring this since he knows he will be leaving tomorrow. It's for the best. To break free and let people talk about how he had jilted Lorraine. Plus he doesn't want anyone to bother you and he knows that he won't be able to stay away from you if he's in town. Not when he now knows how you feel. "Fuck, this is- you are- fuck." He hisses, gritting his teeth.

You sigh as he sets an unhurried place, slowly rocking into you, and you whimper when he pushes deep. “Oh God. Javi.” You whimper, lifting your legs onto his hips to send him even deeper inside of you. You rock up to meet his thrusts, gasps and moans escaping your lips.

He can't stop kissing along your neck and shoulders. His mustache brushes over every inch of skin as his lips trail along with it. Covering your body with his lips and learning what makes you sigh and moan when he pushes his hips slightly harder or nips at your pulse. It's enough to make him forget about everything from the last few hours, concentrating on making you feel good and the way your hips start to rock up in addition to his.

You moan, “oh God. Javi. So - always wanted you. Just - you were engaged. Didn’t want - I didn’t want to - I’m not that kind of woman. Fuck baby.” You moan when he pushes deep inside of you, hitting just the right spot and the combination of his cock hitting you just right along with his like kissing along your neck. It sends you over the edge and you cry out his name.

“Fuuuuuck.” Javi growls, rocking his hips to work you through it, but he’s pulling out of your body just as soon as you are done cumming. You whimper and reach for him, but he’s already moving. Kissing and biting down your body before he is kneeling between your thighs, his hand squeezing his condom covered cock while he ducks his head and licks your cunt.

“Oh shit!” You squeal when his tongue slides through your folds, flicking your clit until he sucks it between his lips. Your hand finds his hair and you tug on it, pushing him deeper into your pussy. “Yes Javi. Oh shit.” You’re overstimulated but you’re pushed into your next orgasm, thighs shaking as he licks and sucks until you are pushed over the edge.

His mouth gentles but he keeps licking. Slowly letting his tongue slide over your swollen clit and down to dip into your entrance and gather the slick you are leaking with a satisfied hum. Taking his time and only when he’s ready and his mouth is soaked in you does he start kissing back up your body. He had been slowly jerking his cock so he is still ready to push back inside you.

Your head spins with pleasure as he pushes back inside of you, your moan echoes in your bedroom and you grip his upper arms, looking at him and the way his jaw clenches with concentration. “I want you to cum for me baby but I never want this to end.” You admit with a whimper, lifting your head so you can nip his jaw.

“So good.” Javi moans in your ear, panting as he rocks into you again and again. Instead of bracing his weight on his arms, he tucks them under you, pulling you close and burying his nose against your throat. “Fuck baby, you’re perfect.”

You wrap your arms around him, keeping him close, and his hips rock into you. You hook your ankles together behind his back, and you couldn’t get closer to him. “Fuck baby. It’s so good. You’re so good. Perfect.” You echo his prior words, his cock pushing deep and you pant when he hits something that makes you cry out.

“Shit.” He hisses, loving how tight you squeeze him. He doesn’t know if you are faking it or if you are just that responsive to him, but he loves it. Turning his head, he kisses you. His mouth slanting over yours while his hips snap harder, pushing towards his own release.

“Cum for me.” You beg breathlessly, your cunt fluttering around his cock as he keeps hitting that spot and within a few thrusts, you’re sent over the edge again. “Fuck!” You choke, “cu-cum for me. Cum for me. Please baby.” You plead, body shaking underneath him.

Jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut, Javi starts to cum. Gasping and immediately starting to bite along your jaw, he pours himself into the condom with filthy groans and stuttered thrusts before he pushes deep.

You moan, stroking his back as he rocks himself through his high. You kiss along his neck, relaxing back into the mattress, and you caress his skin. “So good.” You murmur, closing your eyes.

Humming agreement, he can’t help but lay there for another moment. Closing his eyes and sighing before he shuffles his hips up so he can reach between you and hold the base of the condom as he slips out of you. Stumbling out of the bed, he walks out of the room to dispose of it in your bathroom.

You sit up, watching him as he strides back into your bedroom with a rag. You smile, shyly spreading your legs as you wait for him to clean you up. “Thank you baby.” You murmur, watching him and you close your legs and shift to settle against the pillows. “So…when do you leave for the DEA?”

Javi’s fingers itch for a cigarette but he doesn’t reach for his pack. Sighing softly, he picks up his tuxedo trousers and shoves his legs into them without any underwear on. He’ll have to go outside to smoke and he can’t do that naked. Leaving them unzipped, he sits down on the side of the bed and reaches over to caress your side, sliding his hand down your leg as he chews on his lip. “I was thinking about leaving tomorrow.” He admits quietly. “Get there early.”

You nod, watching him as he caresses your leg. “Yeah? Well, I, um, guess I should wish you good luck. You gonna be coming back to Laredo?” You ask and he shakes his head, “if I do a good job, I’ll be assigned somewhere. Dunno where yet.” 

You reach up to cup his cheek, “you’re gonna be amazing, baby. Go smoke. I know you want to. I’ll get cleaned up and we can say our goodbyes.” You know that he won’t stay, this was one night. Only one night. He’s leaving and you need to be happy for the one night you had with him.

“Kicking me out already?” Javi lifts a brow at you, surprised that you aren’t trying to get him to spend the night. Although he knows you might not want his truck seen in front of your place. “I get it. That way you don’t have Lorraine on your ass.”

You sit up, covering yourself with your blanket, “it’s not that. It’s just - this is a one time thing. I don’t want to keep you from your plans. We aren’t together. We aren’t in love.” You lie a little there, pretty sure you love Javier but you’ll keep that to yourself. He deserves to get out of Laredo and achieve his dreams without you holding him back. “Besides, I’m sure you wanna go see your dad.”

Staring at you for a moment, Javi nods. It hurts to hear that you don’t care about him a little but he can’t be an asshole and pretend he wants to create a life here with you. “Agreed.” He murmurs softly, reaching out and cupping your cheek. “But I’ll call you from Washington.” He promises, smiling slightly before he leans in and presses his lips to your gently.

You smile, nodding as he pulls back, “you better Peña.” He winks at you as he shrugs on his shirt, buttoning it up, and you make your way over to the bathroom to grab the robe you keep on the back of the door. When Javi puts his shoes on, you follow you out of the bedroom. You cup his cheeks, allowing yourself one more kiss as he stands by the front door. “Be happy Javi.” You murmur, caressing his neck. 

He hums, “I’ll try, sweetheart. You do the same.” He kisses your forehead, “I’ll call you.” With that promise, he opens the front door and he’s walking down the path. When he’s gone, you allow yourself one night to cry over what you nearly had. 

****

The phone keeps ringing and ringing, the tone in your ear is different from the U.S but you need to speak to him. You’ve gone through multiple security questions at the embassy to get hold of Peña and finally you’re waiting for him to pick up the phone.

Javi glares at the phone, cigarette hanging from his lips and he contemplates not answering it at all, but it could be a lead. He’s been thrown in the deep end in Colombia and struggling to stay afloat and figure out how to catch this bastard. Huffing, he stops his typing and snatches up the receiver. “Peña.” He grunts, starting to peck away at the report again as he tucks the phone into his shoulder.

You sigh in relief when he answers, leaning against your kitchen wall. “Javi. It’s me.” You announce and hear him suck in a breath. It’s been three months since he left your house and you have missed him every day. Especially during the night shifts and at night when you think about him while in your bed alone. He says your name and it makes you swallow harshly. 

“What’s up?” He asks, confused about why you’re calling him. He’s called a couple of times since he left to check in on his pops and the town climate after he stood up Lorraine at the altar but you don’t talk unless he calls you. 

“I, uh, I have some news. I - fuck. I really don’t want to tell you this over the phone but, um, I’m pregnant. It’s yours.” You manage to blurt out.

Javi freezes for a moment, mind blank to everything but the news that you are pregnant. “Javi? Are you there?” You ask, the line is silent for so long you think the call has been lost. 

“What? Yeah, uh, shit-“ Javi sinks back into his chair, reports forgotten and he stares at the cord stretching out between the receiver and the base. “Pregnant? I- fuck, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head slightly and wonders if the condom had broken. He hadn’t thought so but he also hadn’t been paying attention. “Are you- I’m assuming you're not going to-“ He knows that it’s becoming more common, but it’s still kind of shocking to think about abortions.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t on birth control and I thought the condom was enough and I wasn’t ovulating so I - shit. I, uh, I’ve known for a couple of days. Kind of wanted to think about it and figure out what I wanted. I want the baby. I'm going to keep it. You don’t - I don’t - I'm not asking you to be involved. You don’t have to be the father or come back here. I’ll be okay. My mom and dad are a few streets away and I know I can do this alone. I just wanted you to know.”

“Fuck that.” Javi instantly leans forward and shakes his head even though you can’t see him. Reaching for a pack of cigarettes to pull out another one, needing the extra nicotine. “No- I’m not going to- I’ll send you money, okay? For the baby.” He wants to make sure that you know he’s not asking for an abortion. “Not for- that.”

You close your eyes, “okay. I understand. I don’t want you to feel obligated. I know you went there for a new start and I’m not dragging you back to Laredo. I can do this alone and if you want…if you want, I can keep you updated. Just how I’m doing.”

Javi sighs, taking a drag from his cigarette and pinching his brow as he thinks. You sound disappointed, but he can’t go back right now. “I- keep me updated.” He tells you. “I’ll get- when the baby is due, I’ll come back to be there when you have it.” He decides suddenly, thinking about when that would be. It should be around Christmas if his math is right. “Is that okay? I- I want to be involved but I can’t- you can’t come to Colombia. It’s too dangerous here.”

“It’s okay Javi. It was one night - hell, one hour - together. Let’s make an agreement. We will coparent. I’ll keep you posted and we can figure out what to do but I want my baby to have a daddy, just - we will figure it out.” You tell him, placing your hand in your lower stomach. “I’m sure we don’t need the scandal either but I’m sure you want to tell your dad.”

“Yeah.” Javi agrees, taking another drag of his cigarette and blowing out the smoke. “You can go to pop if you need anything. What you tell everyone else…that’s up to you.” He doesn’t care, he doesn’t live in Laredo and you do. “But I’ll send you money and whatever else you need.” Javi might be considered an asshole but he’s a man who takes care of those that deserve it. He helped create this kid, and he’s going to take care of it. “I’ll try to come back in a couple of months, but when the baby comes for sure.”

You smile against the phone, knowing that he’s a good man despite him thinking he isn’t. You miss him but you never want to be the reason he resents coming back to Laredo. You’ll be fine with the baby. “Okay. I’ll keep you posted. Javi?” You ask softly and he murmurs, “yeah?” You bite your lip, “I miss you.” You tell him and hang up the phone, knowing you need to start making plans.

Javi stares at the phone for too long after you hang up. At least until the blaring of the tone jolts him out of his stupor. He huffs to himself and clicks the line to make another call, dialing a number from memory. One he’s known for his entire life and when the phone is picked up, Javi speaks. “Hey pop.”

“Javi, mijo. How are you? Everything okay?” Chucho asks his son. It’s unusual to get a call from his son unless it’s a special occasion or something bad has happened. He knows something is wrong, knows his son like the back of his own hand.

“Yeah, pop, everything’s- everything’s good.” He’s nervous, but he’s not freaking out about a baby like he expected to be. Maybe he hadn’t really let it sink in. Although it’s happened. “I’ve got to tell you something.” Javi confesses and mentions your name. “I went over to her house when I didn’t show up at the church and well….she’s pregnant, pop.”

Chucho taps his fingers on the table, “oh mijo. You- what have you done?” Chucho always knew this day would come. Ever since he gave Javier ‘the talk’ at fourteen and found out his son was already having sex. 

“Pop.” Javi sighs, rubbing his forehead at the disappointed tone in his papa’s voice. “I- I wore a condom. It broke, I guess I - shit. She wants to keep it and I- I can’t leave here but I need to do the right thing.” 

Chucho bites his lip, “what does she want?” Javi tells his dad about your plan to coparent. “Well, do you want to come back from Colombia?” Chucho asks Javi the million dollar question.

“No.” Javi is torn but he knows he needs to stay. “I’ve got to- Escobar- I can’t-“ Javi sighs. “I told her I want to come back. When the baby is born. And I do. But I can’t risk her here. There’s prices on our heads, pop. What would they do to a DEA agent’s family?” Kiki Camarena’s death wasn’t too long ago and while the DEA made a statement with their handling of it, he couldn’t risk his child. He shudders thinking of it. “I need to do this, pop.”

“Then you stay there and do as much as you can so you can get home to your child. I’ll look out for her, for them. She’s a strong girl. She can do this and you can support her as much as you possibly can. I will make sure she’s okay. Just get that bastard and come home when the baby is born.” Chucho orders his son who sighs down the phone. 

“I love you pop.” 

Chucho smiles, “love you too mijo.” After the line dies, Chucho sets the phone down. “Mierda.” Chucho sighs, rubbing his forehead and he looks up at the ceiling, “Maria. Your son…” He trails off with a snort.

****

“How did the appointment go?” Javi asks as soon as you pick up the phone. True to your word, you had let him know about your doctor’s appointment and today was a big one. He had been counting down the hours until you would be home from work. His home phone is hooked on his shoulder and he leans back on the sofa. The girl he had fucked, a prostitute named Helena, had left earlier and blows smoke up into the air guiltily. 

You smile, rubbing your belly, now showing and you are already so in love with the baby in your belly. “It went well. Doctor said everything looks good. Gave me a shit ton of vitamins to take. I’m about four months along. Just starting to get a little bump. Morning sickness is a bitch. How are you?” You ask him, wondering what he’s been up to since you last spoke.

“I’m fine.” Javi tells you, although he’s not really. He’s chain smoking and drinking his weight in whiskey most days in order to be able to sleep for a little while. “It’s harder to get this son of a bitch than I thought.” He admits with a huff.

You bite your lip, knowing that Javier is struggling to get leads but you hope you can be a bit of light in the constant darkness he’s living in. “You’ll get him. Hey, maybe you’ll get him before the bean arrives.” You try to think positively, “I got the money. It’s too much Javi.”

“Shut up.” Javi huffs at you, rolling his eyes. “You need the money more than I do. The price of baby shit is insane.” He had cringed when he had seen the prices in the catalog he had ordered secretly, just to see what all they had for a baby. “How are you feeling? You said morning sickness. Like a hangover every morning?”

“Nausea like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had to keep a trash can beside me at work. Thankfully, because it’s Night Shift, no one really questions me since no one is around but…I gotta start telling people soon, Jav. I saw Lorraine at the grocery store the other day. She looked…okay. She was with a guy. Maybe she’s dating. Do you want me to tell people you’re the father? We can keep it a secret.”

Javi thinks about it for a moment before he hums. “I want to leave that up to you.” He admits, feeling like it should be your call. “You know that it’s going to be rough if you tell them, and you’re the one who has to live with them.” He sighs. “But I’m not thinking about hiding myself from being involved. I want to be in the kid’s life.”

You hum, shifting the phone against your ear, “let’s leave it until it’s obvious that I’m showing. There’s going to be questions no matter what so let’s leave it for now. I’m not ashamed of you, of what we did, but people will put two and two together and realize we got pregnant when you ditched Lorraine.” You wince at the impending scandal but it’s unavoidable. “I just want to enjoy my pregnancy for a while longer before people start putting the scarlet letter on me.”

“It’s your decision, baby.” The endearment slipped out and Javi doesn’t even notice it. You’re the mother of his future child after all. “When will you find out what you're having?” He couldn’t exactly ask the women in the typing pool. It was better no one knew about you and the baby.

Your heart thumps at the endearment hur you shake your head, reminding yourself that you don’t have Javi, he is in Colombia. “My next appointment. Next month. 20 week scan.” You tell him, excited to find out too. “What do you want? Boy or girl?” You ask, curious about what Javier wants. You know you would love a girl but either way, you’re going to adore this baby.

“Honestly?” Javi chuckles to himself and his shoulders relax. Something about talking to you is soothing. Even if he should be nervous about a baby. “As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care. Boy or girl.” He means that. Most men would be praying for a boy, but all he wants is a healthy baby and a safe delivery. “How about you?”

You smile against the receiver, “healthy is most important and I’ll adore them no matter what but…I kind of want a girl.” You confess, “just…it’s almost like I can see her. Your hair. My eyes. My feistiness and your stubbornness.” You sigh softly. 

Javi smiles, imagining a little girl like you’ve described, “your nose hopefully.” 

You scoff, “I like your nose. It’s…regal.” You tell him and it’s his turn to scoff. “Oh shit. I gotta go babe. Your dad is expecting me. Wants me to pick out a stroller tonight in the catalog and he wants to pay. I’ve tried to argue but he won’t have it. Your dad is as stubborn as you. I’ll call you soon.” You promise as you hang up, glancing at the clock and you are going to the Peña house for dinner with Chucho tonight.

****

Javi shouldn’t feel guilty, but he does. He’s slept with a bunch of different women since he’s been here, paying them for information on the other men they are fucking. Sicarios like the brothels and he’s picked up a few different leads. The phone rings and he presses the money into Vanessa’s hand and hurries to pick up the phone. “Hey.” You’re the only one who really calls his apartment, so he knows it’s you. The other woman opens the door and leaves quietly, letting him turn back towards the phone and towards you. 

“Hey. Just checking in. Went for the scan today. Baby girl is doing just fine and should be here between Christmas and New Year. Not long now.” Thanksgiving had just passed and you spent it with Chucho and your own family. You’d decided to keep your baby’s paternity secret, avoiding the question as much as possible from strangers as you didn’t want your little girl to be branded a bastard, the child of a cheater. You’ve seen Lorraine around but she mostly avoids you, no doubt still stung by Javier’s rejection.

“Yeah? She’s doing good?” Javi turns to watch Vanessa walk out the door, making sure she’s left before he pulls the last scan you had sent him out from between the pages of War and Peace so he can look at it. No one here knows, not even the ambassador -  though she’s pissed about him going to Texas over the holidays. “I’ve booked my ticket home, gonna get there about two days before Christmas and staying for a month.” He tells you. “How are you doing? Sleeping alright?”

“She’s kicking constantly. Using my bladder as a damn trampoline. The nursery is set up. Our dads painted it pink and put the crib together. I’ve been nesting like crazy. Oh and the damn cravings. I’ve had to go out at night to get that ice cream I’m obsessed with.” You chuckle, rubbing your belly and smiling when your daughter kicks against your hand.

He imagines it all, you waddling into a store to get ice cream, puttering around your little house and getting ready for the baby. A pang of regret flashes through him at not going home, but he tries to squash it. He’s needed here. Escobar just attacked a shopping mall while taking out a lawyer a few months ago. The pictures of the innocent victims, including two little girls and a pregnant mother, that was why he was here. “Good. Did you get the money for this month?” He asks, knowing that things will be tighter for you depending on how long you are out of work following having the baby. He feels like six weeks isn’t enough for something this life changing.

“Yes. You sent too much.” You reprimand him despite knowing that he won’t care, he promised to look after you both. 

“Hush.” He shakes his head, flicking his smoke in the ashtray after taking a drag. 

“How are things there? Any progress on getting the bastard?” You ask, a little eager to know. Ever since you found out you’re having a girl, you have secretly wanted Javier to come back, to be a father to your baby despite you just coparenting.

“I’ve got a couple of leads, but they aren’t solid.” Javi murmurs into the phone. The lines for his apartment aren’t being monitored but he doesn’t tell you too much, not wanting to give you nightmares about things down here. “It’s going to happen though. If the CIA would fucking cooperate here instead of trying to start a fucking war.”

“Typical CIA.” You scoff, “at least you have some leads. Hopefully it happens soon.” You murmur, wanting Javier to be here for the small moments, the scans, the kicks. He’s missed so much already and the little girl hasn’t arrived yet. “I miss you Javi.” You murmur, knowing you shouldn’t get emotional like this but it’s hard when your hormones are raging and the father of your child is in another country.

“I miss you too.” He does, the fact that you were his friend before getting pregnant made it even more bittersweet. He wishes he could be there, talking to his pop about how you are growing whenever he calls him. “I will be there soon and I- do you mind if I stay with you? Help you out and just in case you go into labor in the middle of the night?” He won’t have his truck, just a rental car, but he would love to stay on your couch just to be there.

“I’d like that. A lot. I’d feel more comfortable with you in the house just in case something happens in the middle of the night.” You tell him, happy that he wants to be there for you despite you deciding to do this by yourself. Pregnancy is hard and you’ve longed to just cuddle your friend. You would never mention the fact that you’ve touched yourself to thoughts of that night. You’ll take that to your grave. The phone beeps and you look at the receiver, “I gotta go babe. My mom is calling and she said she wanted to take me to dinner. Keep me fed.” You chuckle, “I’ll talk to you soon.” You don’t give him a chance to say goodbye as you switch lines.

****

Javi sighs, tapping the steering wheel as he drives into town. It’s been a very long day and he just wants to get to your place. Leaving last night on a red eye, he had spent most of the day in Miami waiting for his connecting flight to San Antonio, deciding to drive the rest of the way. Now he just needs to get to you and see you for the first time since that night you conceived the baby. The presents for you and his daughter are in his luggage and he wonders if you are okay today since he hasn't been able to call.

When the doorbell rings, your heart thumps in your chest, and you waddle as fast as you can towards the door, flinging it open to find Javier standing on your doorstep. “Hey.” You grin, knowing you’re as big as a house and hoping he doesn’t hate what he sees despite you just coparenting. “Come in. Come in.”

“Cariño, look at you.” Javi is nearly breathless, frozen at the sight of you for a moment before he tosses his bag into your house and scoops you up into as much of a hug as he can. “Fuck- I-“ he can’t believe that he’s here, that you are pregnant. He knows you’ve been pregnant but it’s different seeing you in person and knows it’s his little girl in your stomach. “She- wow.”

When his hand caresses your stomach, you sob. You’ve missed him so much. “I’m so glad you’re here.” You choke, wrapping your arms around his neck to awkwardly pull him as close as possible.

“Me too.” He manages, his voice rough with emotions as he holds onto you and feels the baby kick under his hand. “I was praying for the last week you wouldn't go into labor before I could get here.”

You chuckle, “you know how most women research everything they can to bring on labor? I was researching the opposite.” You enjoy his responding chuckle, “I’m glad she hasn’t come yet.” You reach up to cup his cheek, “she was waiting for her daddy to arrive.”

“Daddy.” Javi’s eyes widen with wonder, as if his title has just hit him and he smiles as he looks down at your stomach. “Hope she knows I’m nervous as fuck.” He admits quietly. “This is different from helping with my cousins.”

You caress his cheek before lowering your hand to his chest, above his thumping heart. “I’m nervous as fuck too. I’ve read every book I could find, got everything I could need but I still feel like I have no clue what I’m doing. I'm scared about giving birth.” You admit, having read horror stories and how much it hurts.

“Do you want me in there?” He asks. His own reading had led him to believe that it’s uncommon, but some father’s are in the delivery room with the mother for support. He doesn’t know what you want, but if you want him there, he’ll do it.

You had thought about it, wanting him to be there for the birth after he’s missed most of your pregnancy. “I want you there…if you want to be there. I want you there to see her being born. The moment she comes into the world. I want her daddy there.” You know he will be returning to Colombia once his month is up and you don’t want him to miss a second of his daughter.

“Okay.” Javi’s dealt with blood and the aftermath of carnage, child birth should be easy. “I’ll be there. No matter what. I- can I cut the cord?” He asks hopefully. He had read about that and it’s supposed to be magical.

“Of course you can.” You snort. “Now, come in. Let’s get you settled and we can get something to eat. I’m starving…all the time. Your girl makes me crave ice cream. Mint ice cream weirdly enough.” You guide him back into the house, letting him grab his bag so he can follow you down the hall. “Do you want to see the nursery?” You ask him. When he nods, you take his hand and guide him to your guest room, now turned into a nursery, and you are proud to show off the combined work of you, his dad and your dad.

“Wow.” He bites his lip as he looks around the room that is completely decked out for a little girl. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?” He asks, smiling at the teddy bear. “Have you decided on a name?” You’ve talked about it, but never really chosen one yet,

You turn to look at him, “I was thinking Maria. After your mom.” You have spent many hours with Chucho, hearing about Javier’s childhood, his late mother, and the ranch. “Maria Gloria Peña.” You tell him, “Gloria since you know I love Gloria Estefan.” You smile, “and so does she.” The baby kicks whenever you play music.

“I-“ Javi takes a deep breath, honored and overwhelmed at the idea that you would name the baby after his mother. “I love that.” He chokes out. “Maria Gloria Peña.” He doesn’t mention that giving the baby his last name is announcing he’s the father. If you want that, he will be happy to sign the certificate.”

You smile, pleased that he likes the name. “Our Maria.” You murmur, patting his chest as tears sting in your eyes. “Come on Peña. Let’s get you settled in on the sofa bed and then let’s head over to my parents for dinner.” He seems nervous when you mention your family, “don’t worry. They know what happened. My dad was pissed at first but I explained the situation and it’s my - our - decision and my dad is just excited for a granddaughter to spoil.”

Javi rubs the back of his neck, not completely convinced about your father but he’s not going to spend anymore time away from you as he has to. He deposits his bag next to the sofa and smiles at the sheets and pillow set out. “This is perfect.” He promises you. “Better than when I sleep at the office.”

You feel bad he’s on the sofa bed but you know you can’t cross lines. He’s here for your daughter, not you. Not to be with you in any capacity other than coparents. “I’m gonna go freshen up. You know where the guest bathroom is. We can go to my parents and then come back and watch tv.” You pat his shoulder before you waddle into your bedroom, closing the door behind you. You swallow harshly, closing your eyes as you lean against the door knowing it’s going to be hard to let Javier go when the time comes.

Javi takes his toiletry bag into the other bathroom. He wishes he had time for a shower, but he doesn’t want to make you late. Brushing his teeth and slapping on more deodorant and cologne to make up for the gritty feeling of traveling for hours. He’s tired, but he isn’t going to say a word, not when he’s going to go spend time with your family who has supported you when he couldn’t.

****

You exhale shakily as you waddle along the path to your parents’ front door. “Hey pumpkin!” Your dad answers and pulls you into a careful hug, mindful of the bump. When you pull back, he looks over your shoulder to Javier standing behind you. “You must be Javier.” Your dad says, holding out his hand.

“Sir.” Javier is less nervous talking to the Ambassador than he is meeting your father. If he hated him, he wouldn’t blame the man - he’s already thought about how he would feel if his daughter was in the same situation. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He takes the man’s hand and doesn’t react when the grip is harder than socially polite.

“Dad.” You offer your father a warning tone but he shrugs, “the man knows how I feel. Getting my daughter knocked up after one night then leaving to go fight drug lords in Colombia. Not exactly every father’s dream but Maria is nearly here so let’s put that aside and focus on Christmas. Come in Peña. Your dad is already here.” Your father pats Javi on the back, letting him know he means business but understands the situation as he guides Javi into the living room.

“I do understand.” Javi ducks his head slightly, knowing him and his pop must have had many heart to hearts. “I would not risk them in Colombia. But I am close to catching the bastard and putting a stop to his operation.”

“Good. Sooner you catch him, sooner you can come back and be a father to your daughter.” Your dad says before walking into the living room where Chucho is. 

“Mija. Look at you.” Chucho pulls you in for a hug, kissing your cheek. “Looks like she’s ready to come any day now.” 

You chuckle, rubbing the older man’s arm for a second, “I wish. Doctor said anytime between now and New Year. I’m ready for her to come just so I can sleep properly.” You rub your belly after lowering your hand just as Javier comes over to hug his pops.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.”  Javi huffs, slapping his dad on the back and relaxing even more. It’s turning out to be a family party, and he’s grateful to be here. 

“When did you get in?” Chucho asks and Javi gives a small shrug and grins over at you. 

“About five minutes before we came over here.” He tells his dad, making him laugh and shake his head. “She is on a schedule, mijo, that baby is due any minute”

“Exactly. I gotta optimize my time before the little lady comes.” You rub Javier’s back. “I’m glad you’re here.” You lean in to kiss his cheek before you walk off to help your mom with the dinner as much as you physically can. 

“So…how was it? Seeing her again?” Chucho asks Javi when your family are scattered around the room talking amongst themselves.

“She’s so….pregnant.” Javi huffs, folding his arms over his chest and ignoring the way his body seemed to like the very rounded shape of your body. There was something very primitive about seeing you full of his baby, knowing it was his. He’s never thought he was a possessive man before, but he feels slightly possessive over you.

Chucho chuckles, “I know. Something about them having your baby inside of them…I was the same way with your mother.” He reveals, making Javi wrinkle his nose. “Don’t act so surprised. I was just as active as you are.” Chucho raises his eyebrows, knowing about his son’s liaisons. 

“She doesn’t know.” Javi mutters, his stomach churning with guilt. 

“I won’t tell her but you need to have that discussion…how you plan to move forward with each other and the baby.” Javier nods, knowing you need to discuss the details again despite your agreement to just be coparents. When you look over and smile at him, his heart thumps and he’s reminded of why he can’t give you his heart right now, he has to see out Escobar. 

****

“Fuckkkkk!” You yell, gripping the side of the bed as another contraction hits you. 

“You’re doing so good, baby.” Javi murmurs, feeling helpless as he sits on the plastic hospital chair and watches you. 

“Fuck you, Peña.” You groan, shifting from one foot to the other, “I- shit. Sorry. I just - where the fuck is the epidural?”

Javi chuckles, perfectly okay with you cursing him. “It’s coming, baby, it’s coming.” You had woken him up, in a panic when you felt contractions hitting you in the middle of the night, both of you tired from the day. Making him jump up and get dressed before helping you out to the car. “Our little girl is coming today.” He hums, unable to believe that it’s New Year's Eve.

You pant as the contraction passes, “she knows how to make an entrance. New Year’s Eve. So much for us celebrating the new year.” You chuckle, forehead sweating as you try to relax a little between contractions. When the epidural finally arrives, you sigh in relief and settle back onto the bed, closing your eyes. “God, that feels good.” You sigh, opening your eyes to look over at Javier.

“Good.” Javi stands up and comes over with a cool rag to wipe your forehead. “Hopefully you can rest some before you have to push.” He’s nervous but he wants to put on a brave front for you. “Do you want some ice chips?”

“Yessss.” You groan, reaching for his free hand. “I’m so glad you’re here Javi. I couldn’t have done this without you.” You murmur, looking up into those dark brown eyes. For Christmas, he’d bought you a beautiful charm bracelet with a gold heart and a pink bow on it. “I’ll add to it as she grows up.” Javier had told you and you had burst into tears, loving the idea. For Maria, he’d bought her an engraved gold bracelet for when she’s born, the engraving said ‘love always, daddy’ and that made you cry again.

Javi smiles at you, squeezing your hand as he brings it up to kiss the back of it. He’s grappling with the feelings he has for you, knowing that it’s not fair to tell you about them when he’s going back to Colombia. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He promises, reaching for the cup with the ice chips for you to suck on.

You take an ice chip, watching him as you suck on it, and you hear the beeps on the machine as you have another contraction. Soon enough, the nurses come in to check you and announce it’s time for you to push. Once Javi is gowned up and the doctor is in the room, you have to start pushing. “Javi.” You reach for his hand, squeezing it as you bear down.

“I’m here, cariño.” It’s all he can do, just be here for you. He feels helpless, watching you struggle and curse through the pains of labor. Nothing that he could really do to help you. “You’re doing so good, baby.” He coos, leaning down to wipe your forehead again and kiss it softly as you squeeze his hand hard enough to make him grunt.

You pant when you get a break from pushing, the baby’s heart is out. One more push and it’s exhausting, you’re exhausted. “Come on mama. One more push. It’s nearly midnight.” They tell you and you look up at Javi, “one more push.” He tells you, squeezing your hand. The machines beep and you brace yourself, clenching your jaw as you bear down again, trying to give one last push for your baby girl.

The silence after that push makes Javi’s heart skip a beat, terror that something went wrong - is wrong - floods his entire body until he hears a loud, angry cry. Immediately gasping, tears start to pool in his eyes as he looks over at you. “You did it, cariño. Our baby girl.” He chokes out, leaning down and kissing your forehead. 

“Dad wants to cut the umbilical cord right?” The doctor asks, making Javi nod and shuffle down, letting go of your hand so he can take the medical scissors to cut through the cord where the doctor tells him. Nearly unable to see from the tears, he sees the wet, squalling infant and immediately falls in love with her.

You are shaking when they place the baby on your chest, her body covered in gunk and her cries echoing in the room but you swear you’ve never loved anything more. She nuzzles into your skin and you start to sob, looking up at Javier as he shifts back to your side after cutting the cord. “She’s - shes - she’s perfect.” You choke, reaching for his hand as you caress the baby’s back.

“Yes, she is.” Javi whispers, leaning down over you and the baby, kissing her forehead and not caring about anything other than the two of you at this moment. The nurses and doctors are still working, but this is a moment where nothing else exists to him. “Thank you.” He manages, turning and kissing your forehead after glancing at your lips and deciding that it wasn’t right for him to kiss you when you just wanted to co parent.

You are overwhelmed, wanting to tell him how you feel at this moment, but it’s not right. It’s not fair to either of you and to Maria. She deserves to have parents who can coexist without awkwardness. She settles against your chest just as it’s time to push the afterbirth out. You grab Javier’s hand as you push it out and after, they take Maria to weigh her and clean her up. “I can’t believe she’s here.” You murmur when she’s back, wrapped in blankets and asleep in your arms. Her little lips are just like her daddy, thick dark hair on her head.

“I know.” Javi fidgets, it’s been a long time, hours, since he’s had a cigarette but he’s not moving from this spot until he has to. His hand reaches out and caresses his daughter’s tiny cheek. “I- I don’t know what to say. She’s- fuck, she’s so innocent. Perfect.” He whispers quietly. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.” He thinks about Escobar and shakes his head. “I’m going to ask for more help, get this done so I can get stationed back in the states when it’s done.”

You look at Javier and nod, “I’ll support you no matter what you do. We will be waiting here for you after you get that bastard.” You smile at him, not quite realizing that you promised you would be waiting for him, you’re exhausted. “Just - I want you to be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.” You tell him.

Javier offers you a cheeky grin, “me? Stupid? Never.” 

You roll your eyes and chuckle at him, looking back at Maria, “she needs her daddy.” ‘So do I’ you want to add but swallow that down.

****

Leaving is the hardest thing Javi has ever done in his fucking life. The problem with him is that once he makes a commitment, he follows through. With the exception of marrying Lorraine. It would be perfect if he could bring you and the baby to Colombia, but there is zero chance of him putting the two of you in danger. He zips up his bag and sighs, turning to find you watching him as you sway with the baby in your arms. “Let me hold her one last time.” It’s been nearly three weeks of time together with a newborn and even though he’s exhausted, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

You nod, stepping over to slide the baby into his arms. She coos, looking up at her daddy and tears sting in her eyes. “Shit. Sorry.” You hiss, wiping your eyes, “fucking hormones still.” You swallow and watch him as he cradles Maria. “I- I’ll go get her bottle.” You murmur, wanting to give him a moment alone to say goodbye. You’ve had a stressful few weeks while trying to breastfeed, being unable to produce enough milk, and Javier has been by your side the entire time. You’re terrified to have him leave, to do this alone, for him to go back into danger and potentially lose him, for Maria to lose him. Emotions bubble over and a sob escapes your lips when you hear him murmuring to Maria while you get her bottle ready in the kitchen.

“You be a good girl for mama.” Javi murmurs quietly. “Daddy’s gotta go catch the bad guy.” He doesn’t want to, not really, but he’s determined to make it happen so he can come back and raise this little girl with you. “I’m going to miss you every day, but your mama takes such good care of you. We both love you, bebita.”

You compose yourself, knowing you need to be strong, and you walk back into the living room with Maria’s bottle. “You’re going to be late for your flight.” You remind him and he sighs, reluctant to go but you know he has to. He slides Maria back into your arms and you place the bottle at her lips, making her suck eagerly. “Go get him and come home to her, Javi.” You order, looking at Maria before you look into those gorgeous brown eyes.

He wishes that you said ‘to us’ but this isn’t that type of relationship. You didn’t want him and that’s understandable. Nodding, Javi pulls you into his arms for a quick hug and kisses your forehead before he kisses Maria’s. “I’ll call you when I get back to my apartment.” He promises, stepping away and picking up his bag. “Lock the door behind me, cariño.” He cautions, ever worried about your safety and more so now that the baby is here. “Bye.”

“Bye Javi. Be safe.” You tell him as he looks back over his shoulder before he shuts the door behind him. You shift to sit down, swallowing harshly as Maria finishes her bottle. She yawns and you shift her onto your shoulder to burp her, “daddy will be back soon.” You promise her when she falls asleep in your arms, tears streaming down your cheeks as you try to believe that. He will be back soon.

**** 

It’s nearly been a year. A year of calling you as often as he can and the situation growing even more dire in Colombia. Javi’s taken on a new partner, a gringo named Steve Murphy and things seem like they are never going to end. “Hey.” Javi sighs as you answer the phone. He can hear Maria giggling and squealing in the background. “My plane leaves tomorrow, thank fuck. I should be there in twenty-four hours.” He tells you, eager to get to your house and see the daughter he has missed every day for a year. Only hearing about her growth on the phone and seeing it through pictures has been hard, especially when Steve and Connie ended up fostering a little girl who lost her mother here.

“We will be waiting. Maria wants to see her daddy. Don’t you baby?” Your little girl crawls over to you. Not yet walking. You pray she walks while Javi is here so he can see a milestone. She giggles and you smile at her, eager for her to see her father again. “She’s missed you. We both have.” You admit, biting your lip. You’re glad he’s going to be here for her first birthday. He’s missed so much already. 

“I missed you both too.” He replies honestly and your heart clenches. 

“Maria.” You sigh as she tries to grab your water bottle. “She’s so active. Walking any day now. I gotta go Jav. I’ll see you tomorrow. Safe travels, baby.” You say and hang up the phone, picking up your daughter. Making her giggle and you can’t help but laugh alongside her, happy for Javi to be coming home.

The flight seems to take forever. He’d brushed off Steve’s questions, no one in Colombia knows about Maria and he wants to keep it that way. Even his partner is in the dark but it’s safer for you. Also, it’s a safe haven for him, untouched by the bullshit he deals with on a day to day basis. This time when he pulls onto the driveway, he grins. The teddy bear he had bought Maria is the first thing he grabs as he rushes out of the car. He can get his bags later, eager to see his girls.

When the doorbell rings, you inhale sharply and adjust Maria on your hip. “It’s daddy, baby girl. He’s home.” You tell her as you walk towards the door. You unlock it, flinging it open and when you see Javier, your heart pounds. He looks tired, worn out and ragged but he’s still so handsome. “Hey.” You smile, excited that he’s home.

Christ, you look good. Javi grins at you, perking up at the sight of your smile and Maria’s excited gurgle and he quickly steps inside the house to hug you both. “God, I missed you both.” He huffs, pulling back and his eyes widen. “She’s so big, so much bigger than the pictures!”

“She’s grown in the last few weeks. Growth spurt.” Maria hides her face in your neck, suddenly shy. “Baby, this is daddy. It’s papa.” You tell her, stroking her back and Javi swallows harshly, hating the fact that his daughter doesn’t really know who he is. 

“Hey Maria. It’s papa. You know, from the phone.” He says gently and Maria lifts her head. 

“It’s daddy.” You tell her and she looks at Javi, recognizing his voice from the phone. 

“Dada.” She repeats and Javi nods, holding his hands out towards her. She leans towards him, letting him pull her into his arms for a hug and tears sting in your eyes. It’s been a hard year alone, raising your daughter, but Javi is here now and you are grateful he’s okay, he’s safe.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi swallows and holds her close for a long moment, tearing up at being able to hold his daughter again. When she snuggles into him, he swears his heart explodes and he looks over at you with the feeling of being on top of the world running through his veins. “Daddy’s home and I brought you a teddy.” He coos, bringing up the bear to show her. There are more presents in his bag, but he wanted to give this one to her now instead of at Christmas.

Maria squeals, pulling the teddy close to hug to her chest and Javier holds her close to his, tears stinging in his eyes and you wipe the tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I, um, you want some coffee and a sandwich? I'm sure you’re hungry.” You tell Javi, needing a moment and you know he will follow you in a second with Maria in his arms.

“Whatever is easy for you.” Javi is hungry but he doesn’t want to make more work for you while he’s here. He wants to spend time with his daughter and help you with her while he can. “I’m not picky.” He jostles Maria happily and leans in to kiss her cheeks and neck to make her giggle from the ticklishness of his mustache. “How are you doing? Do you need anything?”

An orgasm. You want to say but you shove that down. “No, I’m good. I’ve been coping. My parents and your dad have been amazing. They look after her while I’m at work. I hated leaving her, had a breakdown the first time and I didn’t want to tell you.” You admit shyly as you reach for the bread to begin making him and yourself a sandwich. “Ham and cheese okay?” You ask and he nods so you continue. “It’s been tough but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She’s - Javi, she’s incredible.”

“I love every time you send me pictures of her. And when I get to talk to her.” He knows that she doesn’t know what he is talking about and half the time it’s nothing more than him talking about the more censored aspects of his job, but he likes talking to her. “I’m glad pop is helping out, she’s all he talks about when I call him.” Javi steps closer to you, inhaling the scent of your shampoo and sighs happily. You smell the same, like you always have and there is something warm and soft about you right now that he craves.

You finish making the sandwiches, feeling Javier behind you as Maria crawls over to her high chair and you set the knife down, turning to face him. "I missed you." You wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close, inhaling the same cologne he's worn since you met him. It's musky and reminds you of home. Despite him being gone all year, he has become your rock. Your person to vent to, your person to laugh with and just sit on the phone listening to each other go about their routine.

He almost does it. He almost leans in to kiss you. Licking his lips and parting them in anticipation of tasting you again. Until Maria squeals, breaking the spell and making him squeeze your hips as he exhales roughly, trying to shake off the attraction. It would be bad and it would change your relationship and he can’t risk that. “I’ve missed you too.” He promises lightly, letting go of you to bend down and pick Maria up to toss her up playfully. “And I missed you, baby girl!” He chortles, trying to remind himself of what is important. He can’t risk losing his daughter because he is thinking with his dick.

You exhale shakily, knowing you were close to kissing him and you can’t do that. It’s not fair on Maria or either of you. He will be going back to Colombia and you need to be a mother and focus on that. You need to put Maria first. 

****

Christmas Day comes and goes, celebrating with both of your families and Javier gets you another charm for your bracelet. A beautiful teddy bear charm and you love it. He gives Maria far too many toys alongside your parents and Chucho, she’s thoroughly spoiled despite not really understanding Christmas yet. After Christmas, you are busy planning Maria’s first birthday. It’s going to be family and a few friends, Javier’s cousins who have met Maria. “You ready?” You ask Javi as you hold Maria, looking beautiful in her new dress and Javier comes out in a checkered shirt that has you swallowing harshly at how handsome he looks.

“Absolutely.” Javi hums, appreciating the way you dressed Maria and reaches for her. “This little girl is going to love her birthday when she gets older. Aren’t you, baby girl?” She kicks excitedly, not sure what is happening but feeding off his own joy. “What can I do to help?” The food is already prepared and Javi’s tias are bringing plenty of food as well, the beer is on ice and the birthday cake for the baby to dig into is beautifully decorated.

"Everything is all ready. Between my family and yours, we had an army to get things ready." You smile, "come on, we don't want to be late." The drive to the church is quick and you enter with Maria between you as the crowd of family and friends cheer for your daughter's first birthday. Javier's cousins - second and third - run around the hall, hyped up on soda and candy, and you grin as you sit with Maria on your lap once the party is in full swing.

“Never thought I would see it.” Javi’s cousin jostles his shoulder, nearly making him spill his beer as he brings it up to his lips. 

“See what?” He turns, smirking slightly at the glassy edge to his cousin Hugo’s eyes. 

“You- with a baby.” Hugo huffs, motioning with his own beer to where you are sitting. “After Lorraine, we all thought you would be a bachelor, but you were out there making babies!” 

Javi rolls his eyes and sighs, smiling when he sees Maria turning and cuddling into your chest when another stranger comes up to meet her. “She’s great.” He admits. “I - I don’t know if I could imagine not having her now.”

“Maria or her mother?” Hugo asks, eyebrows raised. 

Javier sighs, “it’s complicated.” 

Hugo scoffs, “when isn’t anything with you not complicated? Hell, you left Lorraine at the altar and get another woman pregnant. That’s complicated. Then you fuck off to Colombia and leave her high and dry with your kid.” Javier growls and Hugo puts his hands up, “no offense man, just telling it like it is.”

Javi sighs, knowing that’s what it looks like. “We didn’t know she was pregnant until I was in Colombia.” Javi admits, looking back over at you and Maria. “She wanted to keep her and I’m glad. I love my daughter, and I’m trying to get back here, or somewhere safer so they can be with me.” He doesn’t care if Hugo understands, you understand and that’s all that matters. 

“Cake time!” You announce, distracting everyone and Javi nods to his cousin as he stands up. You have changed Maria into a onesie so she can ruin it and you place her in her high chair before the cake is brought out. Javi stands beside you as your mom carries out the smash cake she made for Maria. There’s no candle on the cake but you place it in front of your daughter and she grins before smacking her hands into the cake. You chuckle, turning to look at Javier who is watching his daughter with a wide grin on his face. He’s leaving tomorrow and you’ll miss him terribly.

Javi chuckles when Maria rubs the cake all over her face in an attempt to eat it. She will need to be hosed off, but he loves to see it. It’s almost natural to wrap his arm around your waist and hugs you to him as the two of you watch and everyone laughs at your daughter who is happily soaking up the attention.

****

You bite your lip, watching Javier as he puts his case in the rental car he hired. He will likely be gone for another year and you hate it. How much time he’s losing with Maria. You hold Maria, watching him as he walks back over to you. “Say goodbye to daddy, sweetheart.” You place Maria in his arms.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi plasters a smile on his face but he hates the fact that he’s leaving. Back to Colombia and the hunt for Escobar. “Daddy’s gotta go back to work, but I’m going to call you every chance I get and I’m going to see you as soon as I can.” He promises. “I love you so much.”

You bite your lip as Maria nuzzles into his neck and he kisses her hair. It’s painful to watch and you know he hates it as much as you do. Him leaving…he takes a piece of you every time he goes. You step towards him, cupping his cheek, “I’ll keep you updated and you can call every day to talk to her.”

“Okay.” Javi croaks out, leaning in and pressing his forehead against yours. Maria squirms and throws herself towards her mother, wanting to be held by her. As you take the baby, Javi kisses your forehead and then hers. “Take care of our baby girl, cariño.” He murmurs. “I’ll call you when I get back.”

You want him to stay, desperately, but he has to go so you nod, adjusting Maria on your hip as Javier opens your front door. “See you soon Javi.” You tell him, knowing that it’s getting harder to not tell him how you feel every time he leaves.

**** 

“Never took you for the sentimental type but you always go home for Christmas.” Steve is fishing for information, looking over the desks as Javi as he finishes up the last of the paperwork so he can get the fuck out of here next week. It’s been another two years and he’s exhausted, just ready to see you and his daughter. “What do you have going on in Laredo man?”

“Whatever Steve.” He grumbles, shifting slightly and aware that things have gotten out of hand. In a desperate bid to get that fucker, Javi’s gotten himself in deep and now there’s a chance he might pay for it. 

“Peña.” His head pops up to see Messina scowling at him, obviously pissed. “My office, now.”

****

You inhale sharply when the car pulls onto your driveway. “Maria baby. Daddy’s here!” You call out and the three - nearly four - year old comes barrelling across the living room. Surprised that he is here early, he’s supposed to be in next week.

“Daddy!” She squeals and you grin, excited to see Javier yourself. It’s been so long that he’s been in Colombia, sometimes you wonder if he will ever catch Escobar. You’ve tried moving on from him but it’s hard, you even went on dates but no one matches up to Javier Peña.

“Hey baby girl.” Javi nearly cried when his daughter ran out of the door as he got out of the car and met her halfway across the lawn, scooping his daughter up in his arms and burying his face in her little neck. Regret hangs heavy and he feels like he made the wrong decision years ago. It didn’t matter, he’s been sent home. Fucking years away from you and Maria and he didn’t even accomplish what he had set out to do.

“Daddy! I missed you!” Maria squeals when Javier holds her close and you can see the stress in his muscles as he pulls back to look at you. 

“Hey stranger.” You joke, leaning in to kiss his cheek, and your heart thumps when those dark eyes meet yours.

“Hey.” He closes his eyes and just breathes in the smell of you and his daughter. The smell of home. Javi is angry, disappointed in himself, but he’s also happy to be right here. Needing you and Maria. Over the years, he’s realized that you are his anchor, his sense of home in this world.

“You’re a week early. What happened?” You ask once you’re inside and he’s sitting on the sofa. “Did something go wrong?” You guess, sitting down beside him and Maria rushes over to show Javier her new Barbie. 

“Daddy. Look what abuelo got me.” She says, showing him the doll Chucho got her as an early Christmas present.

“That’s a pretty baby, baby girl.” Javi makes the appropriate noises about the Barbie, even though he knows nothing about the dolls. He pulls her up into his lap and sighs. “I- if you don’t mind, I’m going to be sticking around longer.” He admits quietly. “I’ve been sent back. I’m off the team.”

You frown, “what happened?” You reach for his hand, squeezing it. “Maria, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy need to have grown-up time. Can you go to your room and show your new Barbie her friends?” You ask and Maria nods, sliding off of Javi’s lap then running off after she kisses Javi’s cheek. “Tell me what happened.”

“I fucked up, cariño.” Javi admits, leaning back against the sofa and tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling. “I tried to work with some bad people in order to get Escobar.” He confesses. “I got in too deep and got caught.”

You sigh, “Javi. Why- why would you do that?” You shift closer to him. 

“I wanted to come back. I’ve already missed so much. I didn’t want to miss anything else. I was fucking desperate and I got sloppy. I got caught and now, all that time I have spent away from you both…it’s all for nothing.” 

You shake your head, reaching up to cup his cheek and turn his face towards you, “it’s not for nothing. You did what you had to do. Maria can be proud of her daddy for doing what he could to take down an evil man. You didn’t - you might’ve fucked up but I know you, Peña, you did it from your heart. It’s happened. Let’s just - let’s focus on the holidays and being a family. Maria is excited you’re home.” You suddenly remember what tonight is. “Shit.” You lower your hand from his cheek, “I, uh, my mom is coming over soon.”

“Why is your mom coming over?” Javi asks, frowning slightly although he shouldn’t be surprised that he’s thrown your plans out of whack. He’s shown up early and dumped all his issues at your door.

“She’s watching Maria for me.” You admit, making Javi hum. Must be that book club you were talking to him about. 

“Well, I’ll take care of Maria while you do your book club thing, give your mom and you a night off.” He’s her father, he can give you a night off for yourself when he has missed so much of her day-to-day life. 

“It’s, um, it’s not for the book club. I…I, uh, I have a date. With Kevin. From the station.” You reveal, biting your lip. You feel so guilty now that he’s here. You figured he had been fucking other women during his time in Colombia and you haven’t had sex since that night with Javi, wanting to focus on Maria and not bring a man into the fold before she could understand.

“Oh- uh, okay.” Immediately Javi wants to tell you to stay here, to spend time with him and Maria but that would be unforgivably selfish of him. He manages to keep from frowning as he stares down at his hands. “I’ll watch her tonight. She’s my daughter.” He reminds himself that he chose this, he didn’t want to commit to you because he was too full of himself about making a difference in the world. He’s had plenty of liaisons and he shouldn’t feel possessive over you. He gave up that right. “If that’s okay?”

You nod, “yeah that’s good. I have leftovers in the fridge for Maria. Spaghetti and meatballs. Plus those yogurts she likes. Oh and the juice boxes-” 

Javi shakes his head, “I got it. What time are you leaving?” He asks. 

“In an hour. I guess I better get ready. I really appreciate this Javi.” You pat his arm and stand up, heading into your bedroom to get ready for the date. After showering and doing your hair and makeup, you’re ready and come into the living room to find Javier and Maria watching a Disney movie. “I won’t be long.” You promise Javi, deciding to drive to your date so you don’t have Kevin meet Maria. It’s definitely not appropriate.

“Okay.” Javi stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets so he doesn’t pull you back inside the house as you open the door. Sighing to himself, he looks at his daughter where she is entranced with watching Simba. “Are you hungry now or do you want to wait?” He asks, making her shake her little head. 

“After the movie, daddy!” She huffs, annoyed he would even ask and he can’t help but grin at her attitude. She gets it honest. 

“Okay, after the movie.” Sitting back down, he wonders why you never mentioned dating. Was it serious? Are you two a thing? He swallows and stares at the tv, not really seeing it as he hopes the date sucks.

**** 

The date is okay. Nothing to write home about but Kevin is a nice guy and he understands your situation. He knows you have Maria and Javi and asked if there is anything between you still. With a sigh, you said “there was nothing between us to begin with. It was just one night.” A lie on your part but you know Javier has never asked for more from you other than to be co parents. 

You open your front door, kicking off your heels to find Maria rushing up to you in her pajamas. “Mama!” She hugs your legs and you stroke her hair, “why aren’t you in bed?” You ask, looking up as Javi enters the hall. 

“She insisted on staying up to see you come home.” He couldn’t get her to go to sleep and his nervous energy must’ve transferred to her as she couldn’t stay in her bed. 

“Oh baby girl.” You kneel down to hug her and pull her into your arms as you stand. “Mommy’s home now and it’s late. Come on, daddy and I will both put you to bed.” You carry her into her room and Javier follows behind you. You lay her down and cover her up with the duvet, brushing her hair back. “I love you sweetheart.” You lean down to kiss her forehead. “Daddy will say goodnight and then it’s bedtime. Your night light is on. Daddy is here to fight the monsters for you.” You assure her and look up at Javier.

“I will, baby girl.” Javi doesn’t know if he’s allowed to stay on the couch this time since you’ve started dating but he can talk about that with you later. He leans down and kisses Maria’s head and pulls her covers up and hands her the blanket she has to sleep with every night. Javi had given it to her two years ago. “Go to sleep, bebita.”

You slowly back out of the room, pulling the door closed as she closes her eyes and is out in moments due to staying up way past her bedtime. You head into the kitchen to make your regular night time tea and you turn to look at Javi as he follows you. “So you’re back for good?” You ask him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Technically, I’m on leave with pay until they decide what they want to do with me.” Javi admits, wanting to ask you how your date went. You’re back too early to have fucked the guy, unless he was that lousy of a lay. “But I don’t know, I felt like I was beating my head against a rock the entire time. And I have missed so much with our daughter.”

“You did what you thought was the best solution. Hell, we know from the Sheriff's department what bureaucracy and paperwork does. Slows us down while the criminals get away with it. No doubt the DEA is worse. You are here. That’s all that matters. She loves you, she knows you fight bad men, tells everyone at pre-school how her papa is a superhero.” You chuckle, a fond smile on your face.

Rubbing his jaw with his hand, he contemplates your words, feeling slightly undeserving of his young daughter’s praise. She wouldn’t think him a superhero, you wouldn’t either if you knew what he had done. “I- I should probably look for a place to stay.” He murmurs. “I can go to my pop’s. I know you don’t want me living on your couch indefinitely.”

You shake your head, “you can stay as long as you want, Javi. I know the sofa isn’t the most comfortable place but you’ve lost out on time with Maria and I would never take that away from you.” You step closer to him when he says “I’m sure Kevin wouldn’t want me sleeping on your couch.” 

You frown, “Kevin doesn’t decide who sleeps on my sofa. I do. I decide that the father of my child sleeps on my sofa. If Kevin has a problem with that, he can fuck off.”

Smirking slightly, Javi admires the fire in your eyes. “There’s my cariño.” He murmurs, searching your face for any doubt. “I hated you going on that date.” He confesses. “Wanted to tell you to stay here with Maria….and me.”

You bite your lip, staring at him, “I didn’t want to go but I- it’s been over four years since I - I haven’t dated or been with anyone else since you. I figured you- you’re not a monk so obviously you’ve been with women in Colombia and I don’t blame you for that but I decided to put myself back out there now that Maria is nearly four. I can’t - I can’t spend my life waiting for you.”

Javi nods slowly, knowing that everything you’ve said is true. He hasn’t been a monk. But the fact that it’s been four years for you blows his mind. “I- fuck baby.” He groans, reaching for you and pulling you close. “You have to know what you do to me. Back then, pregnant with our baby, right now.” He presses you up against his hardening cock. “I just didn’t want to break your heart.”

You stare into those dark brown eyes you love so much. “It wasn’t fair on either of us to wait for each other. We had things to do. You had to catch Escobar, I had to look after Maria. We made the responsible decision.” Your heart pounds at the feeling of his arousal pressing into your hip and his hands caressing your back. “Are you ready? For me? For us? Don’t tell me what I want to hear. I can’t - shit happens that we can’t control but don’t tell me what I want to hear and change your mind tomorrow. I couldn’t handle that after being in love with you for six years.” 

Javi huffs out a small chuckle, knowing that he might not have been in love with you the night he came over to your house and made Maria with you, but he had feelings for you. Feelings that have become a deep, lasting love. “I’m ready.” He promises, reaching up and cupping your face tenderly. Watching you for a moment as that familiar buzz between you starts to grow. This time he doesn’t pull back, this time he leans in and captures your lips on a kiss that is four years late.

You sigh into the kiss, cupping his cheeks. It’s soft and sweet, building like these feelings you’ve nurtured between you for years. The flames climb higher and he’s soon pushing you back against the kitchen counter, his tongue sliding into your mouth and you eagerly open, tangling your tongue with his. His cock is hard in his pants, pressing against you and you grind against him, wordlessly conveying what you need, what you’ve longed for.

“Baby- you gotta-“ Javi pulls back and looks at you, panting slightly. “Can I take you to bed?” He asks, wanting to do this right. He doesn’t have any intention of leaving it tomorrow. “Or-“ Maria is still in the house and he would understand if you didn’t want to risk it. He might be her father but she’s never seen him sleep in the same bed as you. It would be completely different than the last night he spent in your bed.

“You never have to ask. I want you in my bed. Every damn night.” You caress his chest, “come on baby.” You take his hand and guide him through the living room to your bedroom. “I said I’d take you to bed.” Javier jokes and you giggle, spinning once you’re in your bedroom to face him, “it’s my bedroom.”

“It is your bedroom.” Javi murmurs as he steps closer to you, his eyes dark with lust. “The same bedroom I’ve fucked you in before. Same bed we made Maria in.” He smirks, looking over at the bed and then back at you.

You smile, fondly remembering that night you made Maria. You reach for his shirt, working on the buttons. “I have an IUD. Regulates my periods so we don’t need to worry about an accident. We aren’t ready for that.” You murmur, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders.

Javi snorts. “I’d be batting a thousand.” He murmurs, slightly smug about the fact that you are choosing him to sleep with after the last time. “I’ve been tested but I can wear a condom.” He doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, knowing you know that he’s not been a saint in Colombia. His own fingers find the zipper of your dress and he drags it down, eager to see your body again.

“I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.” You murmur, wanting to feel him after being without him for so long. You shiver when his fingers caress your spine before he pushes the dress off of your shoulders. “My memories did you no justice.” You murmurs, running your hands down his chest to his stomach until you work on unbuckling his belt.

“Cariño, you are more beautiful now.” He praises, leaning in and capturing your nipple in his mouth through the cloth of your bra while he works the hooks. Groaning as he inhales your sweet, musky scent. Transporting him back to that night all over again.

You arch your back into his mouth, pulling back when he tugs your bra down your arms, exposing your tits. “After a baby and many years…I think you’re forgetting Peña.” You tease, working on the button of his jeans and you reach in to pull out his hard cock, pumping him slowly.

Hisses against your skin, Javi bites down on your nipple and sucks it into his mouth. Suckling harshly, Javi strips down your panties and shoves his hand between your legs to rub your clit. Determined for you to feel good after so long without sex

You moan, grip going slack on his cock, and you let him guide you back towards your bed. You shift to lay down and he resumes rubbing your clit. You spread your legs, moaning his name and he hovers over you to kiss along your neck.

He manages to kick off his jeans and groans when the hard tip of his cock presses against your hip. Two fingers sliding down to press inside you while his thumb rubs your clit. “Fuck, your so tight.” He groans into your skin, kissing back up to your lips while his fingers pump and curl inside you.

“It’s been too long.” You remind him, hips bucking into his touch and you gently scratch your nails down his back, loving the groan that escapes him. When he shifts closer, you reach between you to wrap your fingers around his cock, trying to jerk him despite the way his fingers are making you pant with pleasure.

“Shit.” Javi hisses, his fingers pushing into you a bit more harshly. His cock throbs in your hand but he wants to make sure that you enjoy this. You deserve to have as much pleasure as you can. “Want you to cum for me.” He groans, biting down on your chin gently.

You grip slackens on his cock again as his fingers hit that spot inside of you, combined with his thumb on your clit, and it sends you over the edge with a soft cry that he smothers with his lips. Tongue sliding against yours while he works you through your orgasm. You shake beneath him, experiencing the first orgasm you’ve had from someone else in over four years. “Fuck.” You pant, tilting your head back after he removes his fingers from your pussy.

“Good?” Javi kisses along your jaw and listens to you pant softly. Giving you time to calm down. He needs this to be more than rough and needy. Needs to show you - to show himself - that this is different. “Want another, cariño?” He asks. “Or do you want me inside you?”

“So- so good.” You want to feel him inside of you since you only got to have him once the last time. You want him to spend all night inside of you, even if he isn’t hard, you just want to feel him. “Fuck me, Javi.” You beg, reaching down to grip his cock again. “I need you.”

He has to bat your hand away, too afraid that he will just let you jerk him off because of how good it feels. Maneuvering between your thighs, Javi notches himself at your entrance and stares into your eyes as he slowly starts to sink into you again.

You whimper when he pushes into you, “I love you, Javi.” You caress his shoulders, “I love you.” It feels good to finally say it and you watch him as he pushes deep inside of you, burying his cock and he doesn’t move, giving you a moment to adjust to him.

Closing his eyes, Javi groans your name. “I love you too.” He confesses, twitching inside you as he says it. You feel perfect, like he’s home right there inside your cunt. Pushing his arms around you, he starts to slowly rock his hips.

You feel surrounded by him and it is incredible. “Fuck, Javi.” You gasp when he starts to move. It’s been so long since you’ve had sex, and his cock is thick. He stretches you out but you fucking love it. “God, you feel so good.” You keep repeating it but it’s true. Your heart pounding in your chest as he slowly rocks into you.

“You.” Javi gasps, biting his lip as you squeeze around him. “Feel…so fucking perfect.” He moans. He’s not going to try to compare this to anyone else he’s slept with, he can’t. It wouldn’t be fair. This is you, the mother of his child, the woman he loves. “I love you.” He grunts, pushing into you again.

You cry out when he hits something incredible inside of you. You pant against his jaw. “I. Love. You.” You rasp out, tangling your fingers in his hair and you kiss him, pushing your tongue into his mouth as he thrusts a few more times in that same angle. You’re sent over the edge, a cry poured into his mouth, muffled as you clamp down on his cock and cum around him.

Javi’s hands curl into fists, groaning at the feeling of your orgasm around him. Having to push harder to work you through it. Feeling his own end sneaking up on him. “Gonna, fuck- gonna cum.” He warns. “Pull-“ He can’t even finish the question before he’s pushing deep, moaning your name while he cums.

You can’t even breathe as he paints your walls with his cum. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your nails dig into his back as he slowly rocks his hips to work himself through his orgasm. “Oh God Jav. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.” You choke out, tears stinging your eyes as you bathe in the aftermath of your orgasm, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you as you cling to him.

Panting, Javi refuses to move an inch away from you. Keeping his weight up on his elbows so he doesn’t crush you, he just kisses you again and again. “Missed you baby. I’m here.” He reassures you breathlessly. “I’m here. I’m here.”

You breathe him in, absorbing his kisses, and you caress his back, trying to calm the dents from your nails. “You’re here.” You murmur, just enjoying him surrounding you. You kiss along his jaw, “you’re here to stay.”

“I’m here to stay.” Javi murmurs, saying the words out loud for the first time since he had been ordered back to the states. He had toyed with the idea of going to DC, but he had come home instead. Knowing he was needed here far more than any drug war he had been losing. “I love you and Maria so much.”

“We love you too. I’m so glad you’re home Javi. You’re back just in time for Christmas and for Maria’s birthday. She’s going to be so happy to have her daddy here for good. I know I am too. I don’t regret anything. All of it led us to this moment so I don’t regret a thing.” You promise, “that night…it gave us a family.”

“Our family.” Javi murmurs, smiling down at you softly. “I still can’t believe our daughter was born on New Year’s Eve.” He huffs fondly. “Just two minutes later and she would have been a New Year’s baby.” She had missed being born at midnight by two minutes and both you and Javi joked about it every year.

****

You are exhausted, throwing Maria’s fourth birthday party during the day and she had worn herself out playing with her friends and your families, opening presents and having cake. Now asleep in bed to miss the new year, you and Javier are sitting on the sofa, waiting for the countdown. “Maria was born at this exact time.” You smile, seeing it’s two minutes to midnight.

“Yes she was.” Javi smirks slightly. Running his hand down his thigh to calm his nerves. “Our lives changed forever. And I have to say it was amazing.” To be there and see her, to witness those first moments of life and remind him of what was important. Family. “So I’m going to use that fact to do something.” He admits, taking your hand and standing up. Taking a deep breath, he kneels down in front of you and watches your eyes widen. 

The ring that he had bought during some last minute Christmas shopping is in his pocket and burning a hole in it. He was going to wait until midnight, but he couldn't. “Cariño, it’s been a rough road, and I’ve been selfish, but I’m right here, right now.” His voice is low, silky as he tries to remember the speech he had thought up. This time is so different from asking Lorraine. “You are the mother of my child and the woman that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, before the New Year, will you agree to be my wife?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the box with the ring. “Will you marry me?”

You stare at him in shock, never imagining Javier to be the marriage type and you weren’t anticipating marrying him but to see him down on one knee, your heart pounds in your chest. “Oh Javi.” You choke, tears stinging in your eyes and you swallow harshly. “Ye- yes. Yes. I’ll marry you. Yes!” You giggle breathlessly, bending over to press your lips to his, “I will marry you.” You murmur between kisses, tears now streaming down your cheeks. 

He stands up and you grin against his lips as he takes the ring from the box, sliding it onto your finger. “Oh it’s beautiful.” You choke as you look down at the ring just as the countdown to the new year begins. 

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…” 

You kiss Javier again and when the clock strikes midnight, you lean back to look into his eyes. “Happy New Year, Javi. My love.” You murmur. 

“Happy New Year. To the best one yet.” He replies, meaning every word. This will be the best year of Javier’s life. Living with his fiancée and his daughter. It’s all he could’ve asked for.

[anonsickficker]

{wriothesley x clorinde} off duty [follow-up fic]

CONTENT BENEATH THE CUT CONTAINS MENTIONS OF {ERUCTATION}, {STUFFING} PLEASE BE WARNED!!!

A continuation of this fic

“That’s— uurp— that’s enough, Clorinde… No more, seriously…”, Wriothesley protests, laying a hand on his pitiful middle and feeling the now proper bulge there. He thought he’d been stuffed during their meeting earlier in the day, but this was a completely different level at this point. 

Clorinde approaches, thumbing open the last two buttons on Wriothesley’s dress shirt, which she assumes he’d just been a little too shy to undo by himself. Meanwhile, she shoves another tea biscuit into his mouth, watching him struggle to chew and swallow. She lifts a teacup to his lips, expecting him to take a pull, but he makes no move to comply, instead siding with his stomach’s concerningly sickly gurgles. 

“You know, this isn’t what I had originally thought of when I said that you should keep me in check…”, when the food he’d been chewing on almost gets stuck in his throat, and when Clorinde nudges the rim of the teacup into his lower lip, is when the tea looks especially enticing. So he takes a sip.

She takes this opportunity to pour the whole cup of high-quality tea down his conveniently already open mouth, and Wriothesley has no choice but to swallow, lest he spills any of it onto her pricey silk bed sheets. It fills all of the gaps in his achingly tensioned stomach, which immediately growls in retort, a low, muffled groan, smothered by the immeasurable volume of foods and liquids that had entered his system in the last hour or so.

“Well, neglecting your meals is a form of misbehaviour, is it not?”, she smiles, digging her fingers into a spot near his belly button, and watching intently as he belches distortedly as a result of her rough touch. She firmly pats the side of his now protruding belly, eliciting another, long, drawn-out burp from the man, as he tries and fails to stifle it with his fist. While unbuckling his belt, she accidentally nudges the underside of his bloated abdomen, ripping another lengthy, choked-out belch from his throat. Wriothesley, again, attempts to silence it, but the warm comfort of an over-capacitated stomach and the sloshing of tea inside of him and the lack of sleep finally catching up to him cause a belated and half-hearted reaction to each and every noise that leaves his mouth. It’s a pain to have to catch every little sound he makes, taking into consideration how every slight touch of Clorinde’s hands on his overstuffed belly seems to dislodge a new and somehow undiscovered pocket of air inside of his stomach. 

“You’re so cute,” she remarks, rubbing his now prominent underbelly with the palm of her hand, attentively listening to each and every burp that escapes through Wriothesley’s oesophagus, the fruits of her labour, “So full and laid bare for me.”

Wriothesley can’t respond, and even less so when she starts to use her other hand to press more firm pats to the side of his belly, as rumbling belches roll out of his mouth to no end. His stomach and intestines groan again, after having a large dinner and now, dessert. He realises that Clorinde seems to be taking note of his facial expressions in relation to her strokes, to see which garners the least painful-looking reaction, to which Wriothesley feels the need to tell her:

“Everything you— uuurp— everything you do feels— burp— amazing, Clorinde… seriously, don’t— urp— don’t be so unsure of yourself…”, and Wriothesley decides not to continue on, instead letting one of his calloused palms settle on his distended upper abdomen, feeling his stomach churn, working diligently to digest everything he’d been fed throughout the night.

“Oh, urp— oh fuck…”, he groans, when Clorinde ceases her considerate glances at his face, instead opting to massage out every single inch of his belly, starting by squeezing it upwards, bringing rushes of air to his chest, which accumulate to form another unbreakable chain of belches, one after another, preventing Wriothesley from being able to utter a single syllable without being interrupted by a deep burp.

She moves on to the middle of his belly, paying extra attention to his belly button, and ignoring his internal organs’ cries for mercy. Wriothesley doesn’t protest either, instead closing his eyes and allowing strings of strained burps to leave his slightly parted lips, expectant to the next area of his belly she chooses to target.

“Fuck, I’m— uuurp— I’m so full…”, Wriothesley groans, moving his own hand against the curve of his bloated stomach, colliding with Clorinde’s slender fingers, which are working away at a stiff knot in the side of his belly, “You fed me so well, Clorinde…”

He can’t help but notice the faint blush on her face at the praise, but he’s also suffering his fair share of embarrassment, too, being helplessly pressed against the headboard of the Champion Duelist’s bed, unable to move for more reasons than one.

This time, he’s the one tousling her hair, whispering words of appreciation, one after another, as she works her magic on his severely overfull belly. 

She traces out the slightly blurred lines of his abs, which are miraculously still visible, thanks to Wriothesley’s strict training regimen. Which he’ll go back to when he returns to the Fortress of Meropide. But for now, he ignores the impact of the sheer volume of his previous meals, instead focusing on the relief that Clorinde is providing him, letting belches slip out of his mouth as he pleases. And when Clorinde doesn’t speak, Wriothesley has the instinct to fill the empty space. 

“So— urp— how was— uuurp— how was your day?”, Wriothesley starts, regaining his senses and raising a fist to subdue every stray belch that he lets out.

“It’s going well, considering I have the hottest man alive on my bed, melting in my hands.”, she flushes, face glowing a bright red that Wriothesley had never witnessed before.

“Really? And— uuurp— and who— uurp— might that be?”, Wriothesley inquires teasingly, before lowering his head and seeing his lips shut as he feels a particularly thick belch slide it’s way up his throat. He decides to spare Clorinde’s ears from that one.

“It’s the Duke of the Fortress of Meropide, of course.”

She kisses his forehead and coaxes his eyes closed, and his uneven breathing levels out, if only just a tiny bit.

He falls asleep like that, breathing erratically even through unconsciousness, because his body doesn’t care whether or not he’s awake, and rather fixating on expelling all of the excess air that’s being pushed out by Clorinde’s gentle caresses and soft squeezes.

After she’s sure he’s not going to wake up anytime soon, she lays next to him, unable to keep her hands off of his still disturbed belly, fingers twitching at every slight gurgle produced by his overworked intestines. It’s somewhat calming, and Clorinde decides that it’s time for her to rest as well.

a thousand words of more insane shit

i will regret this so much 😭😭honestly, this is the full extent of my infatuation with this kinda stuff, i will look back at this and think its so disgusting and cringe

i kept typing 'clorinde' as 'chlorinde', fixed it all last second

hope you enjoyed 🙇 thanks for reading this far

[thesith]

— Chapter Seven: Result of Anaxes

Bedtime Story Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“Echo, what happened to them? Are they alright?” Omega’s still wide awake, with no sign of tiredness in her body, “Continue pleeeeease! I need to know!”

Echo sighed and looked at the time - way past her bedtime. She didn’t look like she was going to sleep soon anyway, so might as well just continue, “Fine. Don’t tell Hunter.”

“Yes!” She happily exclaimed, “Our secret.” She placed a finger over her lips, making a shushing sound.

“You wanted to match with me, did ya?” Echo’s voice came from beside you as your eyes opened, a phantom pain shooting up your left forearm.

You blinked at the bright light in your eyes, “What happened? Where’s Trench?” Your eyes scanned toward your body, noticing your missing hand, “Shit, Master Windu’s gonna kill me!”

“Hey, hey, calm down, you’re alright. You were only out for a few minutes.” Anakin knelt beside you, “Just relax.”

“Relax?” You sarcastically said, “My hand is gone, I’m probably going to be expelled from the Order, and you’re telling me to just relax?”

“You are not going to be expelled from the Order, I’ll make sure of it,” Anakin reassured you, “Try to clear your mind - everything will be okay.”

You sat up and placed your feet on the ground, standing from the makeshift medical table and making your way to the cockpit.

“I have a present for you, Wrecker.” Anakin said from beside you, handing the detonator from Trench’s ship to the mentioned clone.

Wrecker’s eyes widened and started tearing up, speaking a few words of gratitude before pressing down on the button. You were grateful to not miss this - the rainbow that ensued was beautiful.

“How’re you feeling, Commander?” A concerned Hunter asked, “Should you even be standing?”

“I’m fine.”

Hunter nodded, not taking his eyes off of you, “If you say so.”

Anakin leaned down to whisper something in your ear, “He really cares about you.”

You were surprised to be hearing those words from a council member, the poster boy of the Republic nonetheless. He didn’t speak with malice, but with understanding.

You mumbled an acknowledgement before sitting in an unoccupied seat, watching the planet of Anaxes come into view. You dreaded the moment you’d land and have to speak to your Master.

You were ushered out of the ship and in front of your Master the moment you landed. You winced at the sight of Mace, though he didn’t seem mad - just concerned. Masters Kenobi and Windu spoke to the clones regarding their incoming accolades before turning their attention toward you.

“My Padawan,” Master Windu started, “What you did was careless and not thought out. Your recklessness has landed you injured. Again.”

You prepared yourself for his next words, expecting to be expelled from the Jedi Order.

”You were reckless, yes, but also courageous. You ensured a Republic victory here on Anaxes, not to mention you also saved my life. I am proud to have been your master, though only for a short period of time.”

Here it comes…

”When we return to Coruscant and you’re healthy, you will undergo your remaining Trial of Insight. I have full faith that you will succeed, as you have done nothing but exceed our expectations as a Padawan.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand? I thought I was to be expelled from the Order.”

Master Windu called over the 501st medic, Kix, “You have passed your trials of skill, courage, spirit, and now flesh,” He motioned for you to sit on the medic’s portable examination table, “Your training has come to an end. You have the necessary skills to succeed as a Jedi Knight.”

You sat on the table and looked to your Master, “There’s still so much to learn, Master.”

“You will always be learning, Padawan. It’s the way of life.” Obi-Wan said to your now seated form, “I look forward to the next time we meet.”

You nodded, “Thank you, Master Kenobi.”

Anakin walked over to you, “Not to say ‘I told you so’, but…”

“Congratulations Commander. Once you’re a General, come back to us.” Hunter’s voice called as Kix hovered the table to a more sterile environment, “We miss you.”

“Now that Echo’s with you, I might have to!” You joked, waving with your remaining hand. You didn’t know when you’d see them again, but you’d be waiting for the day - regardless of how long it may take.

[handspunyarns]

You Were Marked: Days Twenty-Two to Twenty-Six, Part III.

pairing: din djarin x plus-size fem!O/C         

word count: 13K      

chapter summary: Din and Marathel repair the Razor Crest, Marathel takes her first sonic shower with interesting results, Din tries to change Marathel’s mind, the Razor Crest gets unexpected visitors. 

warnings:  angst, heartbreak, female masturbation, voyeurism, mention of blood, menstruation, chldbirth, mental illness and infertility, English and Mando’a cursing      

***Please feel free to comment, kvetch, or otherwise speak your mind about my work. ***       

You Were Marked: Masterlist  

You Were Marked: <- Previous Chapter 

Marathel was in a deep sleep, curled up with Grogu on Din’s bedroll, when there was suddenly a loud ka-thunk, and everything quickly shifted sideways as she rolled into a hard surface.  She opened her eyes to near-darkness, except for glowing tiny lights of red and green.  Disoriented, she felt around her, and her hand fell upon little Grogu, who grabbed her hand tightly.  “What the …” she muttered, and then she heard running footsteps and a loud pounding on the door. 

“Wake up, Marathel!  We got problems!” 

“Wh … What?” 

“We just fell out of hyperspace!  Come out here!” 

Marathel shook herself awake and reached up to press the door button.  The door slid up, and she pulled herself out to see Din crouching by a panel halfway down the corridor.  “What’s happened?” 

“Get down here, I need your help.”  Din had been awake for a while, and he had replaced his armor and was in the process of putting his weapons on when one of the power banks had failed.  Marathel came down to where he was.  “Grab that corner, there.”  Marathel took hold of the panel where Din was pointing as he finished unlatching it.  She wasn’t prepared for its weight, and her corner hit the metal floor with a clonk, but she wrapped her fingers around the panel edge and helped him slide it down the wall.  

That task done,  Marathel stood behind him as Din knelt to tap tiny screens above each component in the rack.  “Haar’chak, the whole thing’s down.” 

“Are we in danger?” 

“We will be, if I can’t get this up and running again!”  Din stood and began taking off his blasters. 

“What should I do?” 

“Just … stand right there for right now, and don’t touch anything!” he snapped as he pulled off his pauldrons and cuirass.  “Hate this damned thing,” muttered Din as he sat on the floor and began squeezing himself into the small access crawl space to get behind the power bank.  Marathel stood silent, unmoving.  Din continued to curse and mutter as he folded himself into a working position.  “Ah … fuck me, the whole damn thing is wired wrong!” 

“Fuh!” shouted Grogu. 

“Grogu, I told you to cut that out.” 

Marathel was confused.  “Didn’t Peli just repair this ship?  Why would she wire it wrong?” 

Din sighed.  “Well, she didn’t wire it wrong, she wired it correctly, and that’s the problem.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense.” 

Din chuckled.  “I guess not.  A while ago I had to jerry-rig this wiring and the ship flies better with the adaptation.  The wires are hooked up to the wrong cart components, and it finally tripped itself.  I have to pull all these wires first, then you’re going to pull the carts as I rewire it, okay?” 

“Okay,” said Marathel, not sounding okay about it at all. 

“Just sit down there in front of the panel, I’ll let you know when I need you.” 

Marathel sat, listening to Din grunt and quietly curse to himself as he did whatever he was doing.  “Did you get any rest?” she asked. 

“Don’t talk to me right now,” said Din.  “I’m trying to not electrocute myself.” Marathel sat silently.  Grogu toddled over to join her, and she held him on her lap as they waited for instructions.  “And yes, I got some rest.  Are you all right?” 

Marathel shifted slightly, then swallowed.  “Yes.” 

Behind the power panel, Din coughed to cover up his discomfort, then said, “Okay, we’re going to work from your left to your right.  Grab the handles of the first cart and pull it out halfway.” 

Marathel grasped the handles and gave the thing a tug, but it didn’t move.  “What’s halfway on this thing?”  She pulled again, much harder, and the whole thing pulled out of the wall and landed on the floor. 

Din sighed.  “Half of what you just did.” 

“Did I just kill us all?” 

“Not yet. Just put it back in, halfway, and wait for me to get the right wire connected.” Marathel did as he instructed and waited.  After a short while, Din said, “Okay, slide the cart back in fully.”  Marathel carefully pushed the cart back in, giving it a hard shove to seat it correctly.  “Did lights come on?” 

“Yes.” 

“What does the screen say?” 

“Screen?” 

“There’s a small screen in the middle of the cart.  What does it say on the screen?”  Marathel was silent.  “Marathel, just read what’s on the screen!” 

“I can’t.” 

“You can’t see the screen?” 

“I can’t read, Din, I told you that!” 

There was a long silence. Din groaned quietly.  “She can’t read.”  Din chuckled, and Marathel heard his helmet clank against something.  “Yes, you told me, I forgot.  Okay, change of plans.” Din shifted around and began pulling himself out from behind the power bank.  “You need to do the rewiring, then.” 

“Me?” 

“Yes, you.  Each wire goes between two metal plates that you use this screwdriver to tighten.”  He handed her a small tool with a flat end.  “Go on, get back there.” 

“What makes you think I’ll fit?  You had a hard time squeezing in there!” 

“You’ll fit just fine.  Now get going before we lose backup power.” 

Marathel glared at Din, but she put the screwdriver in her pocket and fed her feet into the small access opening, as she’d seen Din do, and began pushing herself through.  “I have no idea what you need me to do back there.” 

“You’ll figure it out by the time you’re done.  You only have … um …” Din counted on his fingers as he said, “‘Bad Boys Rape Our Good Girls But Violet Gives Willingly, Got Some’ … twelve.  Twelve wires.” 

“Bad Boys do what?” 

“‘Bad Boys Rape Our Good Girls But Violet Gives Willingly, Got Some.’  It’s how I remember the wiring colors.  Black, blue, red, orange, green, green, blue, violet, grey, white, gold, silver.” 

“You said green and blue twice.” 

“They’re different wires.  You’ll see.” Marathel grunted in disgust, and Din swore he heard her mutter osi’kovid under her breath as she struggled to get back behind the panel.  “What did you just say?” asked Din. 

“I called you an osi’kovid!” 

Din chuckled to himself.  “Do you even know what that means?” 

“I know it’s nothing good.”  Marathel looked at the tangle of wires before her, then at the bank of metal plates.  She looked carefully at the connection of the black wire that Din had completed.  “So blue is next?  Which blue?” 

“It’s solid blue, not the striped one.  You have to put the end of the wire where the coating is stripped off, put that end between the two plates, and tighten the screws to lock it down.” 

“I’ll do my best.” Marathel found the solid blue wire and pulled it loose from the tangle.  The bare end touched another wire’s bare end, and Marathel felt a zzzt sensation that was painful.  “Aigh!” 

“Don’t let the ends touch,” said Din. 

“Now you fucking tell me!” snapped Marathel. 

“Fuh-EE!” shouted Grogu, and Din shushed him. 

Oh, good, the ‘child repeating swear words’ days are upon you, Bounty Hunter, have fun with that, wryly thought Marathel.  She carefully placed the wire end between the plates and placed the flat end of the … screwdriver, that’s what he called it … into the slot of the screw head and turned it, but the tiny screw fell to the floor with a ting.  “Oh no …” 

“You must have turned the screwdriver the wrong way.  It’s lefty loosey, righty tighty.” 

“What?” 

“Turn the screwdriver left to loosen the screw, and right to tighten it.” 

“I can’t find the little screw.  It fell out.”  Tears filled her eyes, and Marathel sobbed.  “I don’t know what I’m doing, Bounty Hunter …” 

“Marathel …” 

“I’m going to kill us all …” 

“Mesh’la, honey …” — honey? Where did that come from? — “It’s going to be fine.  You can do this.  The screw is on the floor right in front of you, I guarantee it.  Just take a breath and look for it again.”  He heard Marathel sniffle, then take a shaky breath.  He pulled the cart halfway out and waited.  After a few moments, he heard her whisper righty tighty.  “Tighten the top screw a little, then the bottom screw a little.  Go back and forth to tighten then evenly.  Make the connection good and tight.”  He waited a few moments.  “Got it?” 

“I think so.” 

“All right, then,” said Din as he slid the cart back into its socket.  Moment of truth, he thought, and the readout screen flashed its green message: Override Ready.  “You did it, mesh’la, good job.” 

“Next one is red, yes?” 

“Yes,” replied Din as he slid out the next cart. 

“Red for rape,” said Marathel as she carefully found the red wire and inserted it into place.  “‘Bad Boys Rape Our Good Girls,’” she scoffed. “I think you need a different way to remember this.” 

“Come up with one, and I will.” 

“Oh, I will.” Din heard Marathel grunt softly as she concentrated on her task.  “There.  Done.” 

Surprised, Din said, “That was fast.”  He slid the cart home and override ready flashed.  “Green next.  Light green.” 

“Light green …” repeated Marathel as she untangled the wires, and she shocked herself again.  “Aigh!” 

“You need to be more careful,” said Din. 

“You’re the one that left me this tangled mess, you … cigpell pudyn!” snapped Marathel, attaching the light green wire.   

“And what does that mean?” 

“It means meatball dick!”  

Din burst out laughing.  “Meatball … meatball?”  He was laughing so hard he snorted.  “That doesn’t even make sense!” 

Marathel grumbled as she tightened the tiny screws.  “Light green is done!” 

Still laughing, Din reset the cart and got an error message.  “No good, try resetting the wire.” 

“The wire is fine,” said Marathel, gently tugging the wire. 

“Not from where I’m sitting.  Try it again.”  Din listened to Marathel mutter under her breath as she loosened the wire.  “You may need more wire lead.  Peel back some of the green covering and reset it.”  Marathel did as Din instructed, but he still got the error message. “I don’t know what, Marathel, but you’re doing something wrong.” 

Of course, it’s my fault.  “Are you sure it’s not supposed to be the dark green wire first?” 

“Positive.” 

Marathel sighed.  “Can we try the dark green wire, at least?” 

Din sighed as well.  “Fine.  Go ahead.”  He pulled out the cart again.  “And you, of all people, know that my pudyn looks nothing like a meatball.” 

“It might after I throw a big enough rock at it,” said Marathel archly.  “Okay, try it now.”  Din replaced the cart.  “Well?”  Din was silent.  “Was I right?” 

“Yes,” he muttered. 

“Okay, then.  Now it’s the light green wire, yes?” 

“Yes.” 

“And who is a cigpell pudyn?” asked Marathel with as much snark as she could muster.  “Well?” 

“… I am.” 

Marathel chortled.  “Good boy.”  She continued down the row, replacing the wires in order as Din replaced the carts.  When they got to Violet and the purple wire, Marathel asked, “So, who’s this Violet who Gives Willingly?” 

“No one.  It just works in the phrase.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Can’t help that,” said Din.  There was no way in Frith he was going to tell her that while her name wasn’t Violet, a particular prostitute he had been fond of at one time had a magnificent head of purple hair that set off her deep, dark green skin.  Damn, she was fine, thought Din, wondering where she was these days. 

Marathel rolled her eyes, but she carried on with her task.  Din had been right, Marathel got very proficient with the screwdriver by the time she was tightening up the gold and silver wires, and she felt quite proud of herself.  Well, Marathel, old girl, not half bad.   

Din, on the other side of the power bank, felt pride on her behalf as well — Marathel wasn’t lacking in intelligence; she could follow instructions and tackle new tasks, was willing to get her hands dirty — and he was sure that the nimbleness in her hands and fingers would make her a great assistant mechanic. What a team we’d make, thought Din, and his heart warmed with the possibility.  “All right, Marathel, good job.  Now I’m going to fire this thing up.” 

“You are?  Am I safe back here?” 

“More or less.  Just don’t touch anything.”  Before Marathel could protest, Din flipped the switches, the power bank turned on, and the engines came to life with a dull roar.  “Dank ferrik, yes!” crowed Din.  “Okay, you can come out now!  Don’t forget the screwdriver!”  Marathel rolled her eyes as she put the screwdriver that she came in with — as well as two more she found under the tangle of wires — into her pocket, and she began to wriggle out from the tiny crawl space.  Din reached in to help pull her out, and he gave a strong tug on her just as she pushed hard on a girder with her feet, and Marathel tumbled into his lap as he fell backwards.    

She looked up at him in surprise as she lay on his legs, her face at level with his belt buckle.  Din continued to hold her hands as he gazed at her, mostly reclining on his elbow, thinking how damn cute she looked with engine smut on her face and hands, her hair and clothes disheveled. Marathel’s face colored that becoming shade of pink that he liked so much as she pulled her hands free and rolled off his legs to sit on the floor.  Din sat up too, and gently put his hand on her back.  “You did good, Marathel.  I’m proud of you.  I would have hated to do that job by myself.” 

Marathel handed Din all three screwdrivers. “How would you have done that?” 

“Ugh.  I would have had to crawl out each time, after connecting each wire.  Terrible.”  Din grunted as he stood up and reached down to help Marathel stand.  “You got a little dirt on your face,” he said, touching her cheek with a gloved finger. 

Marathel shied away, saying, “I’m sure I did.  It’s filthy back there.” 

“Engines generally are.” 

Marathel hummed vaguely as she moved to the basin at the far end of the ship.  Din watched as she found the soap and a towel and poured out a tiny bit of water from her canteen into her hands.  “Marathel, what are you doing?” asked Din, confused. 

Marathel dropped the towel on the floor as she stepped back from the basin, dropping her head, sliding her hands into her sleeves.  “Washing my hands,” she whispered. 

“You’ve been using your drinking water to wash your hands?” 

“I thought that was all the water I was allowed,” said Marathel, pointing briefly at the canteen. 

“That’s for drinking.  You may drink as much water as you wish. You haven’t been drinking your water?”  Din came over and lifted the canteen; it was still nearly full. “Is this the same water I originally gave you?  It’s easy to get dehydrated on long hyperspace hauls. You should be drinking more, Marathel,” Din said sharply. 

“I didn’t know …” 

“Drinking water is there for the taking, just like the food, Marathel!  You don’t have to hoard or conserve drinking water!  There’s a basin in the fresher to wash in that’s hooked up to the water recycler …” Din watched Marathel continue to cringe into herself.  “… which I never showed you.”  Din sighed.  “I didn’t show you the fresher, or where the cleaning papers for the vac tube are, or where I keep the spare blankets, for kriff’s sake.”  He noticed her shoulders shaking, and he realized she was crying.  “Oh, mesh’la, please don’t cry …” Din went to her and wrapped his arms around her. 

“I’m sorry I’m so stupid,” whimpered Marathel, keeping her arms tightly against herself, refusing to hug him back, despite how much she ached to do so. 

“No, I’m sorry, I’m the stupid one who’s been rude and insufferable to you.  Everyone I’ve ever known automatically knows where to find everything on a ship like this, and it never occurred to me that you wouldn’t, although, why would you know?  The only time you’ve been on this ship for any length of time, you were injured.  Unconscious.”  Din sighed and rocked her back and forth as he quietly said, “I’m sorry I’m such an osi’kovid.” 

Marathel sniffled, then asked, “What does that mean?” 

“Shithead.” Marathel chuckled, and Din continued, “And I’ve also been a … what is it?  A tymffod.  What does that mean, mesh’la?” 

“Asshole.” 

“Yeah, I’ll take that.  And a cigpell pudyn, if that helps.  And a knob, too, I heard that one from you, earlier.” Din held her tight and stroked her hair, glad to know that he could again safely hold her like this without acting like a sex-starved maniac.  “Marathel, ma’mwsh ha’laa, I wish … I wish you’d just … stay right here, or anywhere else, other than ...” Din’s voice trailed off. 

Marathel swallowed, then pushed Din back, wiping her cheeks, and looked down to her feet.  “I appear to have grown a Grogu again.” 

Din looked down too, still surprised by the shoes on her feet, seeing Grogu holding tightly to Marathel’s ankle.  He sighed.  Apparently, the moment of closeness with Marathel was over.  “Come here, kid,” said Din, bending down to pick up the boy.  “Did you take good care of Mahr last sleep cycle?” 

“Mama,” said Grogu. 

“Mama,” repeated Din. 

“We slept well until everything went sideways,” said Marathel. 

“We’re back up and running now,” said Din.  “Let’s get this panel back on.” 

“Okay.  Oh — before we do that …”  Marathel dropped down her knees by the access hatch, reached in, and pulled out a square of black insulation foam.  “I found this just lying in there.  May I use it?” 

“Of course,” said Din, assuming she’d use it to sit on while she knitted.  That was why it was in the access tunnel in the first place, to sit or kneel on while he had to tinker around in there.  Together they got the panel back in place, then Din said they needed to strap in to get back into hyperspace.  Marathel climbed the ladder first, giving Din another view of her ample backside as she went up, making him wish that they were in a romantic relationship, on good terms, just so he could playfully smack her on that lovely ass.  This thought left him with a wistful feeling as he followed her into the cockpit with Grogu.  Marathel was seated and struggling with the straps, so he knelt before her, placing Grogu in her lap, carefully untwisting the restraining belts and snapping them closed, letting his hands slide off her thighs as she stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Don’t do that,” she whispered, not frightened of him, but of the thrill his touch sent through her. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered back, even though he wasn’t.  He stood and went to his seat to recalculate the jump to hyperspace, wondering in the back of his mind if she needed to lock herself in his quarters again, as he felt like he was already at half-staff.  He looked back at her.  “Ready?” 

“Ready,” said Marathel with an uncertain smile.  

Din turned back to the console and pulled the throttle, sending them shooting forward in space.  Marathel felt her stomach change places with her liver and wondered if she’d ever get used to this hyperspace thing.  Once they were settled in their path, Din undid his safety straps and stood, saying, “Much better.  Thank you for helping out.  Okay, let’s go back down.”  He released the catches on her restraints, letting his hands linger briefly on her hips before descending the ladder. 

Marathel followed with Grogu.  “I hate this ladder already.” 

“Believe me, I avoid leaving the cockpit as much as possible,” said Din, and Marathel chuckled to herself as she thought, I guess he does piss for distance.  Din pressed a pad on the wall next to the power bank panel, and a door slid open, revealing another tiny room.  Din stepped inside.  “The fresher.  Here is where you can switch from sonic to the water option.” 

“Sonic?” Marathel also stepped inside the fresher and had to stand close to Din for both of them to fit. 

“Sonic means the fresher uses sound waves to remove dirt and oils from your skin.  The water is recycled, but it doesn’t get very hot, and it’s not hot for long.” 

Marathel looked dubious.  “Which would you prefer I use?” 

“It’s up to you. I generally use the sonic setting, and then wash my face with warm water in the basin.  It can get gross in the helmet from time to time,” said Din with a shrug. 

“Well, I guess I’ll follow your example.”   

Din nodded and opened the storage bin.  “Here is facial soap,” he said, handing her a tube.  “Did you want to wash your hair, though?  The sonic does okay for my hair, but I keep my hair short … as you saw,” he added quietly. 

Marathel pulled a handful of her hair over her shoulder and looked at it.  “I’ll see what the sonic does for me.”   

Din found her a clean washcloth and a small towel.  “Okay, so it’s set on sonic, and you just have to press this button here to start.  Then you stand over the drain, there, and the cycle will run for a few minutes.  It’s on a timer, so if you’re not clean to your satisfaction, you can just press the start button again.  The button below that opens and closes the door.” Din stepped back to the doorway.  “There’s no lock, but I’ll take Grogu with me back to the cockpit and close that door.  You’ll have complete privacy down here.  Did you need anything else?” 

Marathel shook her head.  “Thank you.” 

“Of course.”  Din took Grogu back, catching some of her hair as he did.   He untangled her hair from his glove and smoothed it over her shoulder before he stepped out of the fresher. 

“Oh, by the way …” said Marathel, and Din turned back to her.  “‘Beautiful Blossoms Rise Over Green Grass, Blooming Vines Grow With Good Sunshine.’” 

Din tilted his helmet.  “Do what?” 

“‘Beautiful Blossoms Rise Over Green Grass, Blooming Vines Grow With Good Sunshine,’” repeated Marathel.  “To remember your wiring by.” 

Din smiled widely under his helmet.  “I like that much better.  Just knock if you need anything.”  Marathel nodded, and Din and Grogu returned to the cockpit. 

Marathel heard the cockpit door close, and she poked her head out of the fresher to look.  Not seeing either Bounty Hunter or a little boy, she found her bag and brought it to just outside the fresher.  She pulled off her top and pants and folded them into a neat pile, then went to quickly use the vac tube, tossing her used pad into the tube before toggling the contraption.  Thank Frith, it seems I’m finally bleeding less.  Returning to the fresher, Marathel carefully removed the dilator from her and placed it in the basin so she could wash it after her shower.  Or would it be called a sonic? she wondered.  Marathel pressed the button to close the fresher door, then she pressed the button to start.  

Right away, she heard a low vibration and felt it in her bare feet.  Marathel stepped over to the drain as Din had directed. She felt the vibrations growing more powerful, and she could see the dirt leaving her hands, almost as a swath of sand would blow off a flat rock.  She marveled at this, and she felt the vibrations as a massage that trembled through her entire body.  The vibrations became stronger and faster, and they seemed to center low in her belly.  After a short time, the vibrations grew even more powerful, and the sensation became warm and pleasurable as Marathel gasped, realizing she was becoming aroused. 

Oh, no, she thought to herself.  No, I don’t want this!  But her body betrayed her as the vibration of the sonic shower continued to titillate instead of soothe. Marathel reached down and pressed her hand against her pubis, seeking a release from her stimulation.  When that didn’t work, she flattened her front against the cool metal wall of the fresher, which only worked for a few moments as her feverish heat warmed the wall.  Her breasts began to ache, so she pressed them harder into the unyielding metal as she reached between her thighs, gently sliding her fingertips over her clitoris. She gasped again, this time with a throaty groan, and she clapped her free hand over her mouth.  Oh, Frith, what can he hear in that cockpit? 

Din had, in fact, heard her groan; the auditory capabilities of his helmet were quite powerful. The fresher was also situated almost directly below the cockpit, and sound carried through the floor.  Over the years, he’d become accustomed to the fresher being the official wank closet and the noises that would emanate from within the times he’d be traveling with someone. On several memorable occasions, he’d traded visits to the sonic shower for a bit of companionship from female bounties (and a couple of male ones, too, he wasn’t too particular if someone wanted to make it worth his while).   But he’d heard — through that unreliable horny mercenary grapevine — that sonic showers could provide some females with sexual stimulation.  And this was the first time a woman was in there where he’d heard her possibly masturbating.   

Din looked back at Grogu, who was quietly occupying himself with the gear knob and a ball of Marathel’s yarn, using the Force to make them fly in complicated patterns.  Din looked back out the view screen, pulled his flight notebook onto his lap, and turned up the receiver in his helmet.  Concentrating his hearing on the room below, he listened to what he believed was Marathel touching herself, wondering if it was only the sonic waves bringing her off, or if she were as frustrated as he was, being so close together, denying the feelings she had for him. 

And oh, Marathel was frustrated, and confused as well; why was she having these desires, when they should be the last thing on her mind?!  But she kept pressing her breasts against the wall as her hand stroked herself, softly, gently, not even attempting penetration, for she was still so fragile and wounded there; she did not think she would be able to bear that, not only physically, but mentally as well.  As her fingers continued their playful touches on her bud, she began to rock her hips, gasping in tiny, quiet moans.  She kept rocking, the motion setting off delicious twitches inside her as she flexed her muscles in her hips, belly, and buttocks, and her fingers strummed her swollen clitoris.  Oh, you taught me, Din, you taught me well, how wonderful this feels!  I wish it were you touching me like this; if you were, I would pleasure you in any way you wished, I would make you bread for eternity, I would trap myself in the smallest flying metal box for you.  Her twitching hips moved more frantically as she began to crest into her orgasm.  She slid her free hand up her body and began gently tweaking her nipple, making her gasp again. She squeezed her thighs and tried to flex her pelvic floor — a hitherto unknown part of herself, brought to her attention by Eliadu — as hard as she could.  Her other hand alternated tapping and stroking her clit until she finally tipped over the edge and climaxed; her mouth worked noiselessly, and her eyes closed, her knees bent, and her fingers pressed hard against her clitoris, feeling her pulse within, counting the beats of her rushing heart. 

The sonic vibrations of the fresher slowed, and then stopped.  Marathel finished riding out her orgasm with a last breathy gasp, and she sank to the floor, relishing its coolness against her flushed, warm skin.  Breathing hard, Marathel rolled to her back, stretching out her limbs.   

In the cockpit, Din felt like the most lecherous type of voyeur, eavesdropping on Marathel below.  He’d just taken another look back at Grogu, and the kid was crashed on the seat of the aft chair, snoring softly.  Under the guise of adding entries into his ship’s written log — he preferred writing them out in longhand —he listened to Marathel touching herself; Marathel, who was so recently brutalized at the hands of others, giving herself pleasure with her own hands.  Her gasps were quiet and small, leading him to think that she was using the gentlest of touches, the softest of strokes of her fingertips against her delicate skin.  The notebook on his lap concealed his erection, and he wished he could stroke himself to the sounds Marathel was making, but Grogu’s presence made that infeasible. Oh, Marathel, I wish I were in there with you, touching you myself, I would be so gentle, and touch you only where you allowed, with only the lightest, the most tender of caresses, I wish we could be alone, where I could give you such soft touches until you came for me, and you could scream my name as loud as you want to, mesh’la!  He wanted her to be a screamer for him, a blanket-stealing, bread-baking, soft, plush, magnificent screamer of a lover, he was certain that she was coming in the room below him, coming hard like she had every time with him, and he was close to coming himself when he heard her moaning, but in pain. 

In the fresher, Marathel’s breathing slowed and she began to feel chilled in the small room.  She had carefully sat up when she felt a cramp rip through her lower belly, and she moaned as quietly as she could.  Oh, no, not now, not my cycle, why am I not done with that, as old as I have learned that I am?  She fell back to her side, waiting for the next wave of cramps that would inevitably come, pain that would fold her in half, unable to move.   

But that sort of pain didn’t come.  There was pain within her, but not in the muscles of her abdomen.  The pain seemed lower, deeper inside.  Marathel looked down at herself, expecting blood, and there was blood, but not the amount she was accustomed to with her cycles.  She felt her muscles quake again, and she moaned, and then she felt the need to push, that there was something within her vagina that she needed to expel. 

What in Frith was happening to her? 

Fennec had told her she wasn’t pregnant, Eliadu had told her that she couldn’t get pregnant, yet, here she was, trembling and moaning on the floor, feeling as if she was about to give birth to something, for the sensations she was feeling within was unlike but somehow strangely similar to all of her previous cycles, when she would pass clot after clot … 

There was a knocking on the fresher door.  “Marathel?”  Din was worried, almost panicked, all of his licentious thoughts gone.  “Are you all right?” 

Marathel gasped, and her head whipped around towards the door.  “I’m fine, I’m … fine …” Her abdominal muscles contracted again, making her voice waver on the last word.   

“You’re in pain, I heard you moaning …” 

“You were listening?!” 

“No! No …  Just now, I heard you …” 

“How could you LISTEN like that?!”  The need to push became overwhelming, and she groaned as she felt blood running down her thighs.    

“Marathel!  I’m coming in!” 

“NO!  Don’t you DARE come in!” 

“Let me HELP you!” cried Din. 

“I don’t NEED your help!” Marathel shouted back.  “I … don’t need … ANYONE …” She rolled to a deep squat on her feet and hands, grit her teeth, and bore down on whatever it was her body was trying to release.  She reached down between her legs, and could just feel something gelatinous inside her, so she took another deep breath and pushed again.  This time she felt a mass exit her vagina, and she went to her knees, trying to catch her breath.  And here I thought I’d never give birth, but I think I just did, thought Marathel.   

Din knocked on the door again.  “Marathel?  Mesh’la?  Please, talk to me!  What is happening?” 

“I’m okay … I’m all right,” weakly said Marathel.  She reached behind her, finding the mass she’d just expelled with her fingertips.  What in Frith?  She moved herself to a position where she could see whatever it was, a dark red-brown clot, about the size of a gorugelly, that contained clumps of what appeared to be crusted flesh.  Marathel realized what had occurred: she had passed a clot of scabs made by the cauterizing of the worst of the wounds made by the Dilimgau.  Ceiroprac had told me I might shed those, though Marathel.  I didn’t think I’d be so damn dramatic about it though! How typical of me, thought Marathel.  She laughed weakly at first, and then louder as she realized how absurd her life was. 

Outside the fresher door, Din was bewildered by the sudden sound of laughter on the other side.  “Marathel?  If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I’m coming in there.” 

“Oh … calm down, Din, for the love of Frith!  I’ll be fine.  The sonic waves shook loose some … internal scabbing, and I wasn’t expecting that.” 

Internal … oh, he thought, remembering that Marathel had refused reconstruction where she had been so badly damaged by the Dilimgau, but had wounds cauterized instead.  “I’m sorry, ner kar’ta. Are you still in pain?  Are you bleeding badly?” 

“I … some.  But I’ll be all right.” 

“What can I do for you?” Din pleaded. 

Marathel squinted up at the switch he had told her toggled the fresher between sonic and water.  “Would it be all right if I turned on the water?” 

“That … the water won’t be very warm.” 

“I don’t mind cold water.  But there’s blood, and … clots.  Can that go down the drain in here?” 

Din sighed.  “Not a large amount of blood, and I’d rather any solids didn’t.” It was a decent recycling system, but not that good. 

“Then please bring me rags and a bucket, or something, so I can clean this up.” 

“Damn it, Marathel, let me do that for you!” He found a large towel.  Going back to the fresher door, he turned his head away and closed his eyes.  “I’m going to open the door now.  My eyes are averted.”  Before Marathel could protest, he opened the fresher door and stepped backwards into the doorway, holding out the towel behind him.  “Here; wrap yourself in this.”  He felt the towel being snatched from his hand.  “Let me know when I can turn around.” 

Marathel wrapped the towel around her, covering as much as she could.  Leaning into the far corner, she quietly said, “Okay.” 

Din turned around, his eyes seeking out Marathel.  Her back was to him as she faced the corner of the fresher, the towel only covering her from mid-thigh to mid back, unable to wrap around her fully, and she had pulled her hair over her shoulder to cover her front.  I should have brought her blanket, thought Din; he had again forgotten that she was a little more full-figured, and needed more coverage than a standard cheap towel would provide, because all he could ever see was that her form was perfect. 

There were drips of blood running down her inner calves. Din looked over to the drain, seeing a small puddle of blood along with the remains of a large viscous clot, as well as bloody prints of both her hands and bare feet on the floor.  Din removed his gloves and rolled up his sleeves.  He grabbed the washcloth and went to the basin to soak it, seeing the bloody dilator in the basin.  He looked over at Marathel just as she looked over her shoulder, and she flushed pink again, turning her face back to the corner.  Din’s eyes went down her back, still covered with welts, and he watched another drop of blood roll down her leg, dismayed at how much she still had to suffer just to heal.   “Will you at least let me take you to a medical facility?” 

“How would you explain my injuries?” 

Din soaked the washcloth and knelt by the large clot, doing his best to not look at it too much as he scooped it into the other small cloth.  “The same story as before … you’re a runaway sex slave.” 

“What if they don’t believe you?” 

“They don’t ask many questions on a bounty.” 

“Then why didn’t you take me there instead of Tatooine?” 

Din began mopping up the worst of the blood, deciding to tell the partial truth.  “I wasn’t too capable of logic at the time, my head being bashed in and all.” I was too afraid to put you in the hands of strangers. 

Marathel looked at him over her shoulder.  “What’s that?  On your wrist?” 

The yarn bracelet.  He’d forgotten. He carefully wrapped the stained towels together.  “Nothing.” 

Marathel frowned.  From what she could see, it was some sort of … adornment made from green, yellow, and brown yarn, the same colors she and Grogu had used to tie on the poosticks. “I don’t remember you having that before.” 

Din did not answer her; instead, he took the bloody cloths and disposed of them in the vac tube and came back to wash his hands, looking away from the dilator.  He opened the storage bin and pulled out a bottle.  “Here is shampoo if you’d like to use it.”  Marathel watched as Din stashed another, smaller bottle in his pocket, wondering what that could be that he needed to hide it; it wasn’t like she read the damn label, after all.  He turned a dial on the wall.  “Now you’ll have water.  The same switch will turn it on.  I’ll leave another towel outside the door.  Okay?” 

“Thank you.  I’ll be quick; I don’t want to waste your water.” 

“Please, don’t … don’t worry about that.  Take all the time you need.  Or at least all the cold water you can stand.” 

“Thank you, Din.” 

Din gazed at her, still pressed into the corner, naked but for her long hair and a scanty towel.   

She is so soft, so beautiful.  So sad.   

So broken. 

“You’re welcome, Marathel.”  He grabbed his gloves, left the fresher, closing the door behind him.  She called me Din, he thought.  I’m Din again. 

Marathel remained crowded into the corner of the fresher for a while after Din left her alone, mind racing, bewildered again by the Mandalorian Bounty Hunter.  Ashamed as she was that he’d heard her before, that he’d listened to her as she … but he had come running to her when he thought that she was hurt, just as he’d come running when she called for him when Grogu had put her in a tree.  Just like how he’d taken her broken body away with him when he left Unmanarall.  And what had she done for him?  Fed him meals, baked him bread, given him some physical pleasure? 

Broken his heart? 

Tears threatened again, chipping away at her resolve, trying to make her forget why she was insisting on going back … and the reasons for doing so were growing less and less important. 

Marathel tried to turn off her addled brain as she went over to the fresher controls and turned on the water.  Stepping under the aerated spray, she expected cold water, but what she experienced instead was something even more frigid than her waterfall during the deepest part of cold season.  Chilled almost instantly to the bone, Marathel shrieked, “GAIAH!!!!” 

In the cockpit, Grogu had woken up, and was cuddled on Din’s lap when Marathel’s surprised scream reverberated through the ship.  Oh kriff, thought Din as he hurriedly turned down the reception volume on his helmet.  Then he chuckled and patted Grogu’s tummy, saying, “I think I forgot to tell Mama to let the water run for a minute before getting in.”  Grogu frowned up at him, folding his ears down.  “Yeah, she’s gonna throw a rock at my pudyn for sure.” 

Later, Marathel was clean and dressed again.  It took a while before she got warm, though, after nearly freezing herself in the fresher.  The water did eventually get mildly warm, but nowhere near enough to offset how cold the water was initially.  Osi’kovid, thought Marathel.  And after I helped him fix this flying metal box!  

Marathel dressed in her other set of blue clothes, the thick socks Cobb had given her, and then finally her blanket.  She figured out the drinking water dispenser and helped herself to Din’s tiny galley storage, finding the container of tea.  She made two cups of extra-hot tea, a cup of bone broth, and cut a loaf of Silnima’s sweet squash bread into thick slices.  Carrying one cup of tea and the cup of broth, she went up to the cockpit access.  “Din?” 

She heard his feet drop heavily to the floor, and he was up and looking down at her in a flash. “Mesh’la?” 

Marathel pursed her lips at the endearment, and said, “Here is broth for Grogu, and tea for you.”  She placed the cups, each with a slice of sweet bread on top, at Din’s feet.   

Din quickly dropped to one knee and was just able to touch her fingers briefly as she let go of the cups.  “Thank you, Marathel.” 

“When Grogu is finished, would you please send him with the cups back to me?  I finished knitting something for him.” 

“Of course.” Marathel nodded, then disappeared from view.  Din stayed there, on one knee, long after she’d left, just listening to her moving around on his ship, humming the only song, digging through drawers in the galley, sipping her tea, vocalizing her Oldtalk to the melody of the only song now and again.  Grogu came and snagged his sweet bread and his bone broth and sat next to Din, enjoying his snack and listening to his Mama while Din thought about doing a U-turn, taking her to his covert and presenting her to the Armorer as his choice for riddurr. 

But then, Din sighed and reconsidered. Kidnapping a bride was Paz’s style, not his.  And being an Apostate meant a riddurrok was out of the question until he could redeem himself.  So, he sat down next to his boy and drank his tea and ate the bread, lifting his helmet only enough to do so.   

Below, Marathel had settled herself on Din’s bedroll and was using the black insulation foam as a base to felt the wool roving Cobb had bought for her.  Lacking a felting tool, she’d dug through all the drawers she had been able to open and found three pointy things that she tied together to make an ersatz stabber, as she called it.  She drafted the wool into little bits of fluff, which she spread in layers on the foam, using the three-pronged improvised tool to stab it into the foam over and over and over.  This part was very therapeutic, Marathel found.  As the wool felted together, she added more wool, flipping the piece over, stabbing it again and again to make a cloth, intending to give the finished cloths to the Bounty Hunter to polish his armor.   

Din had come down from the cockpit with Grogu; they’d found a few empty cups and a couple of bowls floating around the cockpit.  Din had expected to see Marathel leaning against the main corridor wall, sitting on the foam square, knitting.  Surprised to not see her immediately, he looked around before he noticed her sitting in his quarters. He tilted his helmet as he watched her repeatedly stab bits of wool — with great gusto — into the black foam.  Her vehemence in her task frightened him a little, as she stabbed, stabbed, stabbed whatever it was she had in her hand.  “What are you doing?” 

“I’m felting wool into cloth.” Stab, stab, stab. 

“Why?” 

“For you, to polish your armor.”  Stab, stab, stab. 

“I can buy that sort of thing.” 

“I’m sure you can. But I want to make these for you.”  Her tone told him she would brook no quarter. Stab, stab, stab.  Her eyes flicked up to his helmet.  Stab, stab, stab.   

Din wasn’t about to argue the point with her, not with that stabby tool thing she was wielding.  He did like seeing her in his bed, though.  “Do you have enough light in there?” 

She looked up at the overhead lights.  “It’s good enough for what I’m doing.  The floor is too uncomfortable for me right now,” said Marathel, her cheeks turning pink again.  She looked past Din’s legs and smiled.  “Just who I wanted to see.  Come here, my love.”  Grogu toddled in and hugged Marathel’s legs.  She picked up a folded knitted item and unfurled it, holding it up to his little body.  “Hmmm.  It might be a little big for him.  But he’ll grow into it.”  Marathel frowned and looked back up at Din.  “Will he grow into it?” 

Din shrugged.  “Your guess is as good as mine. I only recently found out he’s over fifty years old.” 

“Fifty?  Why, that would make him older than me, even!” 

“I understand that his people are slow-growing folks that live for a very long time.” 

“But that means …” Marathel’s face fell, and she caressed Grogu’s face. “He will be without you for much of his life.” 

Din crossed his arms and leaned against the door jamb, looking down to the floor.  “I suppose so.”  It had occurred to him as well.  He tried not to think about it much. 

“How old are you?” 

Din raised his eyes back to Marathel’s lovely face. “Well, going back and forth in hyperspace kind of muddies time, as opposed to staying on one planet.  But I’m somewhere around forty-two Basic years old.” 

“That makes me older than you,” said Marathel quietly.  “I am glad to know that you are not so much younger than me.” 

Din shrugged.  “Not by much, no.” And I am glad to know that you aren’t half my age … that would have skeeved me out.  I’m middle-aged.  I don’t need to be with someone so young as that … not like the place you came from. 

“Well, enough of that kind of talk.   Let’s see how this fits you, my little Godynferth!” Marathel fed Grogu’s arms into the sleeves of the little jacket, and she tied the attached belt around his waist.  “It’s a tiny bit long, but it looks good to me.  Show your father, little one.” 

With a pleased coo, Grogu turned to Din, holding out his little arms.  Din squatted down to Grogu’s level.  “Well, now, kid, I think you look like a proper Jedi.  I like it, Marathel, thank you.  He’s never complained about being cold, but a child should have cold weather gear.” 

“What do you do for cold weather gear?” 

“You’re looking at it.” 

Marathel frowned.  “Do you not get cold?” 

“I get cold.” 

This troubled Marathel. The thought I would knit you sweaters and cowls, weave you capes and blankets, anything I could make to keep you warm went unbidden through her head. 

Din cleared his throat, and stood, taking a step back from the doorway.  “I thought I should use the sonic myself.  Would you mind …?” 

Marathel blinked.  “Oh! Of course.  Just knock when I can come out.” She looked around her, realizing that Grogu had wandered off.  She called out, “Come here, Grogu, let me take that jacket off you … then you get to stay in here with Mama.” She had not directly called herself that before.  Not out loud. Oh, she thought to herself.  I never knew how much joy my heart could hold, just saying Mama, referring to myself. Did Din feel the same way, when Grogu became his son in his heart? 

And oh, when Din caught her eye after she had put the question to her mind, and Din knew as sure as anything that Marathel had just realized who she was. 

Grogu’s Mama. 

You’re Grogu’s Mama, Marathel.  And you’re going to leave him, because you’re holding on to some insane guilt over things that were done to you and not by you. I can think of no other reason you would willingly return there. Yet, I can’t not take you back; I must obey you because … you are my Dahl-mate? That is equally insane, my ma’mwsh ha’laa, so insane we should go somewhere uncharted and be crazy together.  

Din stepped back into his quarters and stood, looking down at Marathel.  She looked back at him, puzzled, asking, “What is it?” 

“We need to talk to each other,” said Din. 

“We have talked.” 

“No, we haven’t.” Din sat down at the other end of the bedroll, but still too close in the tiny room, where they’d already experienced so much intimacy when she was injured, unconscious, and naked, and he was gloveless, helmet-less, and out if his mind with concussion.   “You’ve talked.  You’ve talked at me.  You’ve told me the nightmare of your life, the humiliation and degradation you’ve suffered.   But then you tell me that I must return you to the source of your suffering, and that’s all there is to it.”  Din sighed, unsure where to start.  “May I hold your hand?” 

Marathel looked down at Din’s hand, covered by his glove.  She couldn’t think of a good reason not to hold his hand.  It was a reasonable request, and he was a man; therefore, she must obey him. But his hand was encased by fabric and leather.  Along with his forearm weapons, there was not a strip of bare skin exposed.  She supposed that he could make the argument that her hand was encased in metal springs, and therefore, just as non-tactile as his own hand.    

But what difference did the glove make, really?  His hand was still within — a strong and gentle hand, powerful, but still capable of tender touch, loving hands that held Grogu as well as fondled her. 

His hands, the gloves.   

Marathel raised her eyes to Din’s chest, protected by heavy armor.  She knew it was heavy; she’d felt the weight of it against her own body, and he carried both the armor and occasionally her.  But behind the armor was him, she knew there was flesh, flesh that was warm and yielding, carrying scars and marks and moles, flesh over muscle that had seen battles that ended in death and hands of others caressing him, pleasuring him, for he was a man and such pleasures were necessary; even her own hands had felt that flesh in an effort to please him as well as fill her own needs.  

His body, the armor. 

Raising her eyes even more, Marathel studied his helmet, planes and angles that disguised his face; and even though she knew he had brown hair and brown eyes and a mustache and facial hair, she longed to see those features, to solidify in her broken mind who he was, his eyes upon hers, to hopefully read in those brown eyes that he could see her, cracked, crumbled, chipped away to rubble, and so, so sad that she desperately needed a tender touch and the knowledge that even as unworthy as she was, that he trusted her enough, that he loved her enough, to supersede his words of love and trust with the sight of his own lips saying such things, and the touch of his lips on her, words, words meant nothing, she was too stupid to understand words, words almost always led to lies … 

“Marathel?”  Marathel blinked, shaking herself out of her thoughts.  “I only asked you to hold my hand; it wasn’t some sort of trick question,” he implored. 

Marathel dropped her eyes and went back to felting the wool, stabbing the fleece into the foam over and over.  “What did you need to say?” 

“I want you to explain to Grogu why you’re doing this.” 

“Doing what?  Felting wool?” 

Din took a deep breath; he wanted to keep his temper.  “Why you’re insisting I take you back.”  Marathel stopped her stabbing motion.  “Because you haven’t explained it to me at all, and I want to hear you explain it to him, so maybe I can possibly understand.”   

Marathel set aside her project and primly folded her hands in her lap. “I’d be happy to speak to Grogu.  Shall I do it now?” 

Din was surprised, as he thought she would either belay an explanation or refuse to do it altogether.  He looked over his shoulder and saw Grogu, still in his little knitted robe, sitting in the doorway, eating a hunk of bread.  “Hey kid, Marathel would like to speak to you.” 

Grogu got up and toddled over to Marathel, holding out his bread crust to her.  Marathel smiled and took the proffered crust, bobbed her head, and murmured, “Thank you, my love,” and ate the bit of bread, while Din was both surprised and overwhelmed that Grogu shared food with her, as if sharing food was a commonplace thing for him, because it certainly wasn’t. “Come up here, little one,” she said, lifting him onto her legs so Grogu could sit on her.  “You may not know this, but your father is taking me back to the planet I came from.  Remember?  You met me there, in my little hut, where we played poosticks, and picked flowers, and you and Patu went fishing?” 

Grogu made an affirmative coo, and Marathel continued.  “Well, we’re going back there, but what will happen is that I will stay there, and you and Patu will go on flying on your adventure, and I will not be with you.” 

Grogu frowned, his ears drooping. 

“Remember, when I said goodbye to you before?  I thought you would be leaving me behind then.  But I was so badly hurt, and your father did not want to leave me behind like that.  I didn’t know your father took me away with you.  And I am sorry that you had to see me so hurt, and that you had to help me breathe when I was so sick.  I know you also helped my hands, and I thank you so much for that. You gave me back my hands, you clever boy! 

“Unfortunately, I am still sick.  I am very, very sick.  But I’m not sick in my lungs, or in my hands.  I’m sick here …” — Marathel indicated her head — “… and here …” — Marathel put her hand over her heart.  “The sickness, the pain I have there is not an illness that can be healed by the tiny hands of a little green boy with large ears.  It’s a sickness that I can’t ever recover from.  It’s a hurt that can’t be fixed.  And when there’s something that can’t be fixed, well, then, it must be left behind.  

“I’m sure you’ve seen Patu leave things that can’t be fixed.  Parts of this ship, a blaster, something.  But this time, it’s me that must be left behind.”  Grogu’s face fell, and he looked down to his little feet until Marathel put her finger under his chin and lifted his face up again. “Grogu, you need to know that I’m okay with that.  That is what I want.  I want to be left behind, so my sickness won’t affect you or your Patu.   

“I know this is hard to understand.  I know I can’t properly explain why this is so necessary to me.  But I need you to remember that this was my decision.  And if for no other reason than that, I need for that decision to be honored by you, honored by your Patu.  I’ve had so little honor given to me, Grogu, and whether my decision is good, or bad, or indifferent, it was my decision to make.  

“But I don’t want you to worry about me.  I will be all right when you and Patu leave.  I will be sad, of course.  I will be very sad.  And you will be sad, too, I know.  You may be very sad.  And it’s okay for you to be sad.  But you have much to do.  You must grow up, and live a wonderful life, and have many exciting adventures with your father.  And I want you to enjoy the amazing life you’re going to have, flying here and there, meeting all kinds of people … probably making things blow up …” Marathel laughed.  “Wherever you are, I will be thinking of you.  When you look up at the night sky, and you see all those stars, and planets, that will be me keeping an eye on you!  I’ve been so proud to be your Mama!  And perhaps, someday, you may have a new Mama to go along with your Patu, or … even maybe another Patu, who knows?”  Marathel looked up at Din, thinking of Cobb.  She knew.  She just did.  “Someone will make your father so happy, and that’s what we all want, is for Patu and Grogu to be happy.  Happy, and safe. 

“And … I will be happy too, to know that you are happy, and safe.  No matter how sick I am, no matter how much I hurt in my heart and in my mind, I will always be happy that I met you and your father.  I will always be happy to think of the three of us having fun in that little hut, having little, tiny adventures amongst ourselves.  Even if you believe you had far too many baths. 

“I will miss you so much.  You will be in my heart forever.  Rwy’n di’rugar, my love,” said Marathel, her voice crackling, and she picked up Grogu and hugged him tightly, kissing his little face. 

Drawing back, Marathel smiled at Grogu with tears in her eyes.  “I think that went well, don’t you?  Yes, I think that went well.  I hope you understand a little better why this is happening, love, yes?  Yes.” 

Grogu patted her cheek, cooing sadly.  Then he pointed back at Din.  Marathel gazed into his dark visor and sighed.  “Yes, I will miss Patu as well. He has been a good friend to me.  My first friend, actually.  Your father will also be in my heart forever. I know he’s having a very hard time leaving me behind.    Someday, he may understand why he must leave me behind, but even if he doesn’t, I hope he knows that I will never regret a single moment I spent with him.  Even when I threw eggs at him.  Or called him names.” 

“What about not telling me about the depth of the mud I had to slog through?” asked Din. 

“Oh, that … I wanted to get back at you for laughing at me.” 

Din chuckled briefly, and then reached over to gently ruffle Grogu’s hair, moving his hands closer to her. “Marathel, I don’t think you’re sick.  I don’t think you’re so damaged that you can’t be fixed, or that you can’t be helped.  Doctors and therapists are out there.  I can find you someone if you would just let me.” 

Marathel felt trapped by the armored man before her, and she wondered if that was his intention.  She returned her attention to Grogu.  “Grogu, do you understand what I am asking of you?  Will you please honor my decision?” 

“You can’t ask him that.  He’s just a child.” 

“Grogu is wiser than I will ever be.” 

“All the more reason to not take you back, Marathel! I can’t, in good conscience, leave a woman having a nervous breakdown alone in the wilderness!” 

“I’m not having a breakdown!” cried Marathel. 

“Then you should!” shouted Din. He dropped his head.  “I’m sorry, mesh’la, I’m sorry, ad’ika, I shouldn’t have yelled.  I am upset, because … because I don’t have much time left to convince you to not leave me.”  He reached for Grogu.  “Kid, would you please give Mama and me some privacy?  We need to … grown-up talk.” Grogu bleated and jumped off Marathel’s lap and toddled out of the tiny room, patting Din’s arm as he went, which both adults noticed with mild amusement, wondering just how much Grogu was able to understand the angst the grown-ups were creating for themselves. 

Din and Marathel looked at each other. He took a breath, then reached to shut the door. 

“Din …” 

He moved his hand along the wall, and turned off the lights, and then a third switch shut off even the tiny red and green panel lights, leaving the tiny room in full darkness. Marathel gasped, and Din said, “Mesh’la, I need you to trust me … I must do this this way.” Focusing on the low-light image in his visor, he moved closer to her, reaching for her hands in the darkness, and she pushed herself against the wall behind her. “Please, Marathel, I …” She kept pulling her hands loose, whimpering, fearful.  Din pulled off his gloves, and then, his helmet, saying, “Marathel.” 

Marathel fell still at the sound of his voice, unmodulated, and she forgot to breathe.  Din reached for her hand again, their fingertips touching before she drew her hand back. “Marathel, ma’mwsh ha’laa, I don’t know what to do about you.  I don’t understand why you won’t let me love you.  I don’t understand why you insist on destroying yourself.” He sighed.  “I don’t know how else to say that I don’t care who your biological parents are.  I don’t know how else to tell you that those reprehensible things done to you don’t make you a whore. Those things only matter to me because of the pain they cause you.”   

Din got up to his knees and moved even closer to Marathel, gently pushing down on her knees so that he could straddle her legs, resting part on his weight on her, pinning her in place again like he had against the kitchen wall of the palace, and he hated that he kept trapping her this way.  He lifted her hands to his face, saying, “I can’t show you my face.  This is the way.  This is the only … allowable way for me to be without my helmet around you.  And even then, this is still … difficult.  Attachments outside the covert, attachments of any kind are not discouraged, but … neither are they encouraged.” He still held her trembling hands.  “I’ve told you I love you, both in Basic and in my own language, remember?  I said to you, ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, when we were together that night.  ‘I will know you forever,’ that’s what that really means, mesh’la, I will have you in my heart forever just as you will have Grogu in your heart forever.  Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, ner kar’ta, cyar’e.  I love you, my heart, my beloved …” Din kissed her splinted fingers.  “And you said something back.  What did you say back to me?” 

“Fi ng’riad, d’lwch fi, chi yd’w fi,” said Marathel, her voice unsteady. 

“What does that mean?” 

“‘Love me, hold me, I am yours.’” 

“But it doesn’t really mean that, does it, mesh’la?  I can’t possibly believe that there’s a word for love in the Hold. Not with what they do there to women, to children.  I’m sure you say that at a very specific time; you have ceremonial words for every moment you women must endure, there’s a verse in that only song for every occasion, so when do you say that, Marathel, what does it really mean?” 

“It means … ‘I am yours to take and ruin.’” 

Din’s heart broke a little more.  “And when are you supposed to say that?” 

“When the girl presents herself to her Elder as a Whyn just before he takes her … fully.” 

“And you said this … to me?” 

Marathel sobbed and pulled her hands away.  “I had no other words to give you.  I knew you had said something very important to me, and I had to say something!” 

“But what do you feel, Marathel?” 

“I don’t know!” 

Din sat back on his heels, sighing, sure she was lying.  He rubbed his face with his hands.  “Back on Unmanarall, when you asked me to remove my helmet … if I had, would you have changed your mind about going to the Hold?” 

“No.” 

“If …” Din’s voice broke, and he had to clear his throat.  “If I revealed my face to you now, knowing that I love you, Marathel, my ma’mwsh ha’laa … would you stay with me?  Would it make a difference?” 

“… No.” 

At that moment, Din would rather have been sliced in two by the Darksaber.  Desperate now, he pleaded, “What if … then … not with me, then … Stay at the palace, on Nevarro, somewhere, anywhere, where I know I can reach you, see you, know you’re safe …” He found her face in the darkness and pressed his forehead to hers.  “Somewhere Grogu can see you, please, ner kar’ta, my heart, please, please, don’t make that boy lose his Mama!” 

“Din, please …” sobbed Marathel. 

“Stay, yes, or no?” 

“... No.” 

Din wanted to weep.  He reached behind him to find his gloves and his helmet.   Standing, he put his helmet back on, and opened the door to the tiny room, revealing Grogu on the other side, looking sadly back up at him.  “Gangway, Grogu,” he said, listlessly, and he climbed up the ladder into the cockpit, shutting the door behind him. 

Marathel sobbed into her hands, hating herself for what she was doing.  She felt Grogu’s tiny hand touch her knee.  “Oh, Grogu, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for hurting Patu like that.” She held Grogu as she shifted them both to a prone position on their sides, facing each other.  Marathel began stroking Grogu’s ear with her thumb. “Someday, he may forgive me, but if he never does, I will accept that.  I’d rather he hate me forever.”  

Grogu’s sad eyes bore into hers.  “Patu Mama,” he said sternly. 

“Patu … Mama?” asked Marathel, confused. 

Grogu put his hands together, wrapping his tiny fingers around each other.  “Patu … Mama.”  Marathel blinked tears from her eyes, then nodded. Repeating the hand motions, Grogu asked, “Mama … Patu?” 

Marathel’s eyes went wide, then shut tight for a few moments.  Opening her eyes, she whispered, “Yes, my little child.  Mama Patu.”  Marathel smiled through her tears.  “Mama loves Patu with all her heart.”   

She couldn’t speak after that for a few moments. Finally, she was able to say, “Grogu, my sweet, it’s because I love your father so that I must be left behind.  I’m damaged, and I’m no good.  He deserves someone so much better than me.   What I am, no matter where I go, will bring him only shame and misery.  I’m the wrong woman, and what I’ve done will be found out; I know now how people will talk behind my back.  I heard the whispering in the palace.  Patu is well-respected everywhere he goes, he must be.  I can’t be the reason he loses respect in his covert, his … well, wherever a Bounty Hunter may belong. And I don’t belong anywhere, anyplace that’s good. 

“People don’t understand a person like me, they will judge me for what I’ve done, what was done to me, who I am. And they will judge your father for caring about me. And I refuse to bring that judgement upon Patu.” 

Grogu grunted, shook his fists and said, “Patu Mama! Mama Patu!” 

“Oh, Grogu, if only it could be so, I wish it could.  But this is the way.” 

Grogu frowned and put his hand on Marathel’s chin, and she immediately felt a little sleepy.  “Grogu is putting me to sleep again, I think.  Did you want me to tell you a bedtime story, little one?”  Marathel yawned.  “I will tell you my version of how I met your father. 

“When I first saw him, the sunlight was reflecting off his armor almost straight into my eyes, and I thought he was one of the Mothers Who Went Before coming for me, coming to take me away and up into the night sky.  And then I thought, no, I don’t want to go! So, I had to throw a rock to chase Patu away.  

“I had wanted the Mothers Who Went Before to come take me away.  I wished for it, prayed to Frith for it.  But when I thought they had appeared, I begged to stay!  And when I realized it was a person, a man I had never seen before, I was afraid, but somehow, I knew that he would not hurt me, that I was safe with him. I knew a stranger to me would be the first man to treat me well.” Marathel smiled at Grogu, stroking his cheek with her thumb.  “And Patu brought me you.  How could I not love him?”  She felt sad yet happy that she revealed the truth to Grogu.  But as she fell asleep — and whether it was Grogu putting her to sleep or the emotional exhaustion hitting her was immaterial — Marathel mumbled, “But there’s no point.” 

Grogu got up from where he lay next to Marathel.  He gently pressed his forehead to hers, like Patu would do.  Just like Patu would do to him.  Then Grogu sighed, and toddled out to the corridor, where he sat down with a tiny grunt, looking back and forth from the open quarters to the closed cockpit door. 

Grogu was frustrated.  Grogu had a hard time understanding why Patu and Mama could not just love Mama and Patu!  Grogu wished Patu would kiss Mama again.  Grogu had seen other people kiss before.  Grogu knew kissing made other people happy.  Grogu had been happy when Patu had been happy with Ohmeh. Grogu had been sad that Patu did not kiss Ohmeh.  Grogu was happy Patu kissed Mama. Grogu changed Mahr to Mama because Patu kissed Mama. Grogu was happy Patu became happy again.   

Grogu was sad that Mama was sad.  Grogu could see that Mama was hurt in a lot of places.  Grogu wondered why someone hurt Mama.  Grogu was mad that someone hurt Mama. Grogu wanted to help Mama.  Grogu had helped Patu and friends of Patu.   

Grogu did not understand why Mama did not want help from Grogu. Grogu did not understand why Mama was so dark inside head of Mama.  Grogu was sad Mama was so dark inside head of Mama.  

Grogu could not fix Mama. 

Grogu could not fix inside head of Mama. 

Grogu was sad. 

Grogu looked down at the floor and sighed.  He thought for a while, and while he sat and thought, he began picking up his favorite colors of the glitter on the floor — gold, silver, and green — and made them float and swirl before his eyes.  After a while, Grogu put the glitter down, and he called out to the Force, looking for friends that might make Mama less sad.  And if Mama was less sad, then maybe Patu would be less sad, too. 

It was a few hours later that Marathel heard Din calling her.  Climbing up out of her troubled sleep, she said, “Mmmmm … what?” 

“Marathel?  Wake up.” 

Not wanting another round of Din’s pressure, Marathel muttered, “Why?” 

“You need to see this.” Marathel frowned at Din but let him help her up.  She followed him stiffly up the ladder to the cockpit, where he beckoned her to stand at the console, where Grogu was sitting, looking up and out of the view screen.  Din pointed above his head.  “Look.” 

Marathel stood where Din indicated, and looked up to see not just one Purrgil, but many.  She gasped and put her hand to her mouth. 

“I don’t know how many there are,” said Din.  “I got up to twelve, and more kept coming.  I can’t see them all to count them.  They are all around the Crest.”  A single Purrgil, much smaller than the one Marathel had seen while on the transport, moved closer, almost as if she was trying to peer into the cockpit.  “A few have done that, too.  I’ve never heard of a Purrgil doing that before.” The Purrgil bellowed, the vibration rumbling the floor of the cockpit, and they could see the closest of the Purrgils nodding their heads.  Din turned to look at Marathel’s enraptured face.  “It looks like they were waiting for you,” he whispered, carefully reaching for her hand.   

Marathel jumped, looked down at her hand, her pinky finger wrapped with his.  She quickly shifted her eyes back up on the Purrgils above her … but she reached with her other fingers to capture the rest of his hand. Din lifted his other hand to Grogu’s back, and they stood that way for a long time.  Eventually, Din wrapped his arm around Grogu, lifting the child up against him. Din stepped back and took a seat on his captain’s chair, still holding Marathel’s hand as she dropped her eyes from the Purrgils and turned to look at him.  He gently tugged on her hand, and she allowed him to seat her on his lap. Din reached to recline the seat back, but it fell too quickly and Marathel nearly somersaulted off the back of the chair, and she laughed while Din cursed his rotten luck. Of all times to be a klutz, he thought.  I couldn’t be suave if my life depended on it! 

“This is ridiculous,” said Marathel.  “I’m too heavy; I’ll squish you.” 

“No, you won’t.” Even if she cut off his circulation and his legs fell off, he wouldn’t care.  Din put his feet up on the console, her legs already entwined with his. 

“Then I’ll break your chair.” 

“Unlikely.”  Even if their combined weight broke this chair, he had two more in this very cockpit.  Chairs were replaceable.  Din guided Marathel to lay back against him and tucked her head under the edge of his helmet. 

“This many Purrgil could destroy your ship.” 

“Then I will die with my clan in my arms,” said Din. 

Marathel’s heart ached.   She tried to blink back her tears, but failed.  Then she realized she could feel his body under hers.  “Did you remove your armor?” 

“Yes.” 

Marathel couldn’t help but smirk.  “You felt safe enough to remove your armor around me?” 

“It was a calculated risk.” 

“And you assumed you could get me on your lap.” 

Din stroked her arm.  “And I love you best, Marathel, when you open your sweet mouth and say things like that.”  

He was right of course, for Marathel felt the same way about him.  She didn’t speak again, but remained there in his chair, on his lap, along with Grogu, watching the Purrgil fly all around them.  The Purrgil continued to accompany the small ship through hyperspace, watching over the clan of three. 

You Were Marked: Next Chapter ->

[cochineal-tanto]

Bakusquad X Reader [Skin Care]

Romantic or Platonic: Platonic.

Subject: Sleepover/skin care

(a little bakugo X reader, but nothing romantic if that makes sense.)

I did add some of my own things, like the food protocols in the dorms. It has nothing to do with the original story line, it's just something I made up.

------------------------------------

Readers pov:

The week had finally finished. It was a long, excruciating week of pain. Aizawa explained we needed to work on our quirks more, you didn't understand at first until he showed the results from today in comparison to the start of the year. It definitely gave us a reality check.

Third person pov:

The class seemed to waddle into the dormitories, everyone's legs almost giving out as soon as they walked through the double doors. The stronger ones, Bakugo, Midoriya and Todoroki were even struggling. One of your closest friends, Mina face planted at the door, making you trip over her.

"Mina! Seriously?" You exclaim, equally as tired. She groaned an apology from beneath you. You slowly rolled off her, ending up laying right next to her. You look up at the ceiling, seeing little black dots in your vision.

"We have to get up, otherwise we'll sleep." You said.

"Are you two okay?" Kirishima asked, looking down on you two with a slight smile.

"Absolutely...not." You reply, letting your head fall on the floor.

You see Kirishima offers a hand to you. Lazily, you fling your hand into his and he pulls you up. He slightly struggles by how tired he is, but he gets you up none the less.

"What do we do about this...thing." You say, gesturing to Mina. Kirishima places his hands on his hips, thinking to himself.

"We could carry her to the elevator, we should be fine once we reach our floor." He inquires.

Your attention turned to the front door, seeing Kaminari.

"Oh no..."

Kaminari trips over Mina, the same way you did minutes ago. He falls onto Mina, causing her to let out a sound of pain.

"What the hell is wrong with you two?! Get your asses up." Bakugo walked back into your vision, going over to Mina and Kaminari.

"Should we do something..." Kirishima asked you, you shush him as you watch the scene unfold.

Bakugo grabbed both of them by the school collar and picked them up onto their feet.

"Didn't know he was that strong." You say, impressed.

"Hey are you calling us heavy!" Kaminari accused you.

"What- no! I'm just saying he's strong...?"

"If you're exhausted then you're weak!" Bakugo yelled at them, Mina's face scrunched at his voice. You walked over to Mina and held her up.

"We have to get them to bed, otherwise we'll all end up as doormats." You commented, straining to keep yourself up as well. Kirishima came next to you, and helped Kaminari stay upright.

"Alright, let's go. I have this one." You laughed a bit at Kirishima's words and started guiding Mina to the elevator. It seems everyone else was lagging behind, some weren't even in the building yet.

'Midoriya and Todoroki must be in bed already.' You thought as you struggled to hold both yourself and Mina upright.

"Would you hurry the hell up?!" Bakugo shouted from ahead. He was standing at the elevator, but the button was already pressed for the fourth floor.

"We're almost there Bakugo! We don't have stamina like you man." Kirishima replied, holding Kaminari more firmly this time.

"Yeah cut us some slack, would you? Besides, I think Mina's asleep, she went really limp." You added, looking to see if Mina passed out.

"Actually I think he's gone as well." Kirishima said as he glanced at Kaminari.

You rolled your eyes at the two limp friends. Letting out a small breath, you readjusted yourself and Mina. Once in a strong position, you lifted Mina up in a bridal style. The elevator let off a high pitched sound, letting you know the elevators come down to the ground level. The doors open, letting Bakugo walk inside first.

"Bakugo, you'll have to stop yelling now. They need their rest." You inform Bakugo, who rolled his eyes in response. Your legs are slowly getting weaker, a slight shake spreading through your quads.

Kirishima comes through the elevator doors, with a very limp Kaminari in his arms. It's a good thing Kirishima was able to carry him.

The doors slowly closed, leaving most of the Bakusquad tired. You wondered if Sero was even in the building yet, or if he fainted on the pavement outside. Either way, you knew he'd be safe.

Your eyelids become heavier as you're fighting to stay awake. If you fall asleep, Mina would drop on the floor. As funny as it would be to witness, you didn't want to hurt her when she's this tired.

Your vision turned to Kirishima, who seemed to have the same problem as you.

"Kirishima are you still awake?" You half-whispered to the tired boy next to you. He opens his eyes and yawns in response.

"I don't think I'll last too long." He commented.

"Do you think we should just crash in someone's dorm? I don't think I can settle Mina down and make it to my room." You asked, secretly wanting to have a sleepover.

"I don't mind, what about you Bakubro?" Kirishima almost muttered.

"I don't care."

The elevator door opened. You looked from the left side of the floor to the right, deciding which room to crash in.

"I can't reach my keys." You said, struggling to reach the back pocket with Mina in your arms.

"Bakugo, can you grab mine? It's in the left front pocket of my pants." Kirishima asked.

"No way am I doing that broomhead." Bakugo replied, probably at how close it was to his nether regions.

"It's either that or you get mine from my ass. Suck it up and get it, Bakugo." You complained. He sent a glare your way and put his hand into Kirishima's pocket.

Kirishima let out a yawn, unbothered by the action. Bakugo unlocked Kirishima's dorm room and held it open for you and Kirishima.

"Wasn't that hard, now was it?" You said to Bakugo as you crab-walked through Kirishima's door. Bakugo wanted to smack you in the head then, but he was too tired to even do so. He closed the door behind you. You saw Kirishima place Kaminari on his bed.

"We should get some sleeping bags, shouldn't we?" Kirishima asked.

"I'll get them Kiri, you go to sleep." You replied, setting Mina down next to Kaminari.

Since all of you have slept together, you figured it would be okay that Mina and Kaminari are on the bed. They've slept on the same bed before in Mina's room, while the rest slept on the floor.

It sort of became a routine.

"Are you sure?" He asked you, getting his sleeping bag out.

"Yeah, I'll get mine and a spare for this idiot." You said, pointing to Bakugo.

"Hey I am not!- an idiot." He said. The last part was quieter as he remembered Mina and Kaminari were sleeping.

"Shut up and follow me already." You replied, opening Kirishima's door.

You and Bakugo made your way across the floor to your room.

'Should I get Mina's pillows for her? It didn't look like Kirishima had enough for himself.'

"Bakugo?"

"What."

"Could you go into my room and get the black and purple sleeping bags under my bed? Maybe get some pillows as well? I'm going to get Mina's stuff from her room."

"How the hell are you going to do that? You don't have a key."

"Do you seriously think I didn't take Mina's key for this?" You held up Mina's dorm room keys that you snatched from her shirt when you placed her down on Kirishima's bed. You also took out her phone and purse since it would be uncomfortable to sleep on.

Bakugo merely looked at you, slightly impressed. He didn't show it in his face though.

"Alright fine, but don't accuse me if something's missing from your room."

"I won't because you won't take anything Bakugo."

"I meant don't blame me. I won't touch anything idiot. Did you even listen?"

"Shut up, I'm tired. Hurry up would you?" You say, disappearing into Mina's room. You look around, seeing it slightly messy. Clothes were tossed around the room.

You sigh at the lack of care your friend has for her things. Walking to her bed, you hold the pillows under your arms and throw the blanket around your neck. Seeing as you stripped her bed, you walked out of her room.

You struggled to lock her door in place, when Bakugo comes over and takes it.

"Hey I didn't-" You began, while he clicked Mina's door shut. You look at him, holding your blankets, pillows and sleeping bags.

"Aw you got more than the sleeping bags, thank you." You said with a slight smile.

"Yeah, whatever. Hurry up." He said, already walking away.

"Wait up!"

----

"That's so cute." You whispered, looking at Kirishima, Kaminari and Mina all in a dog pile on top of Kirishima's bed. It was a double bed, but it looks like Kirishima was too tired to even open his sleeping bag.

You walked over next to Kirishima's bed, slowly opening the sleeping bags that Bakugo brought. He was forced to hold the blankets and pillows while you set them up. You made him look like a coat hanger.

"Okay come over. Just put them down, we'll organise it." He knelt down beside you and casually dropped everything as if he was disgusted in it.

"Should we move Mina?" You whispered to Bakugo.

"No, we'll have less room." He replied.

"Good point. Pass me that blanket."

"Which one." He deadpanned, even though you weren't looking at him.

"Mina's one."

"Which one is it?!" He whisper-shouted. You quietly laughed and pointed at the pink one. He roughly shoves it in your face, causing your head to move with it.

"Childish." You said to him.

"Just say the damn colour next time."

"Why would Mina not have a pink blanket? She's literally pink." You pointed out, setting up all the pillows you had.

"Shut your mouth." He said. The harsh tone he normally has disappeared, making him seem like a civil human.

You heard a quiet knock on Kirishima's door. You sighed, getting up from the fort you and Bakugo just created.

Opening the door, you see Sero with his own blankets and pillows. You smile immediately at the sight and open the door for him. You two didn't say anything as he was too tired to communicate. Shutting the door again, you see Sero setting up his fort in another part of the room and Bakugo laying down on yours and Mina's pillows.

"Move over." You said, sitting down with half of yourself off the blankets. He doesn't say anything and flips you off.

"Bakugo come on, I'm tired. Move."

He moved over about three inches. He smiles slightly, seeing how pissed off your face was.

"I will throw you out of this building." You whispered.

His smirk grew bigger once you said that. Rolling your eyes, you laid exactly where you wanted to be. You sprawled yourself across his torso. You two created a plus sign with your bodies. He glared down at you, while looking at him with slight smugness.

"Fine, get off." He said, shoving you off him and moving onto his side.

"That's what I thought." You said in accomplishment.

----------

"Wow, they're really knocked out." You heard someone say.

"Well we did carry you and Kaminari here."

"Bakugo carried me?!"

"No. I carried you, she carried Mina."

"Aw that's so nice of her."

"Then what was Bakugo doing?" You opened your eyes, trying to fathom that you're alive again.

"He was helping me with the fort." You muttered, still half asleep.

"Oh good morning!" Mina threw herself onto you, causing you to make a weird sound once you lost your breath.

"Morning." You replied with a lower voice than your average one.

"Was Bakugo really helping you set this up? It looks nice." Sero commented.

"Yeah, with my blankets." Mina crossed her arms and looked at your laid down form.

"Hey. I wanted you down here, but Bakugo said there wouldn't be enough room." You explained.

"There's plenty of room babe." Mina replied, gesturing to the fort.

"I'm sorry, I was too tired. Tonight you'll sleep with us okay?"

"Wait what do you mean 'tonight?'" Kirishima asked.

"Are we having another sleepover? Please say yes!" Mina exclaimed, shaking you.

"Shut the hell up!"

"And he's awake." Kaminari sweat dropped, looking at the angry boy.

"Well good morning Bakugo." You said to him, a smile on your face.

He looked at you, then looked above you at your hair. He held back a laugh, making small snorts.

"What the hell is that?!" He laughed.

"Hey! Not my fault you kept on kicking me in your sleep!"

"Not mine that you were on my side!"

"I wasn't on your side!"

"Hey chill out would you? We need to get some breakfast anyway." Kirishima said, walking towards his door. Sero and Kaminari agreed and walked with. Mina proceeded to drag you, trying to get you up.

"Okay okay, I'm up. Bakugo." You called him, as he stood up.

"Might want to brush that." Bakugo ruffled your hair as he walked out behind Mina. You stuck your tongue out at him, even though he already left the room.

-------

In the common room...

-------

"Pleasant morning, L/N! How did you sleep?" Iida greeted you, as you walked to your seat with brushed hair.

"Good thanks. How was yours?"

"I slept great! Breakfast will be served soon." He smiled as you returned one while walking past.

A few months after everyone moved into the dormitories, everyone had a timetable on who would cook that morning. Since there were no stoves in individual rooms, Aizawa decided it would be better for everyone to help cook each other's food.

There was another list on what would be served that day. That was decided by a vote. If someone wanted something other than the list, then they would inform the students cooking and make their own breakfast.

That was very rare though, since it was free food without effort. Everyone favourited Wednesdays because Satou was one of the chefs and he ended up putting a little side dish with the breakfast.

It was Sunday, so it was pancakes if you remember correctly. Damn, did Yaoyorozu make some good pancakes. She often brought her own food to make for us, which everyone gladly appreciated.

"Alright. Iida, Kaminari, Mineta, Aoyama." Jirou, one of the chefs, set some plates down on the first table. She sped walked to the plates that were placed on the counter.

"Tsu, Uraraka, Todoroki and Tokoyami." She said placing them down with a smile.

She kept on placing them down while your table was the last, this is why the Bakusquad tried to make it early. It was in order to get to the first table to get the food quicker. However, that sleepover lasted longer than intended.

After a few minutes, Jirou came over to your table with a grin.

"Mina, Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero." Multiple thank yous came from them.

"Sorry I can only carry four without dropping them." Jirou apologised to you and Bakugo.

"You're alright love, take your time." You said to her. She thanked you and rushed back for the last two plates.

"This is so good."

"Agreed."

"The maple syrup makes it."

"Did you want a bite? Oh you can't." Mina mocked you for having no food yet. You laughed at her.

"One day that'll come back to you Mina."

"Oh it's so delicious. The flavours are so nice together." She continued.

"Mina." You groaned, your stomach making noises.

"L/N and Bakugo."

"Thank you Jirou, have you had yours yet?" You asked her before she left.

"Oh we have our after we serve everyone. Yaomomo is making them now." She replied.

"Oh okay, just making sure." You waved her as she left for the kitchen again.

Everyone was quiet, eating quickly by how good it was. Before you could get a bite, a fork comes into your vision and steals your pancake.

"Mina! Give it back!" You said, giving her a stern look. She held the pancake in her fork, her mouth opening slightly as the pancake slowly goes into near her mouth.

"Mina...no." You pointed at her, talking to her like a dog with something in its mouth. You two hold eye contact, she smiles as she bites into it. Your face falls.

"That is a crime, Mina. Do you know what happens when you commit crimes?" You asked. She grins even more and aims for another one of your pancakes.

"Mina!" You yelled while laughing. Attention was drawn towards you two fighting over a pancake. Unfortunately, she successfully takes another pancake. You shrink in your seat, glaring right through her.

You notice another fork appears in your vision. Ready to throw hands, you whip yourself to see Bakugo placing one of his pancakes on your plate. It was untouched by him, no bite marks.

Everyone at your table and the neighbouring table noticed this. Multiple 'oos' escaped from the tables.

"Shut your damned mouths! I'll kill you all!" He shouted in protest. You smiled widely at him, thankful for his gesture. Mina's mouth was wide open, shocked by this. She gave you a look, but you were smiling as Bakugo returned to devouring his remaining pancakes.

"I appreciate you." You say, almost crying.

"Shut up."

"Okay." You replied, smiling.

----------

Fast forward to afternoon...

----------

"No that has to be cheating!" Sero yelled in protest to losing Mario Kart. This was the second time he was thrown off the track in this game.

"It's not cheating, you're just bad!" Minas character raced around the corner, a slight drift from the amount of skill she has.

The rest of the Bakusquad were on Mina's bed this time. She had recently bought a television and Xbox that everyone could play on. Aizawa was hesitant at first, but it was her property, so he couldn't say no to something that wasn't a rule in the first place.

Everyone was sprawled on her bed and floor, a new pillow fort on the floor from Kirishima's room. Snacks were all over her bed, but as usual everyone would clean afterwards.

"Yes!!!" Mina screamed. The ending sound erupted from the television. She began to dance and rub it in Seros face that she won...again. There was no denying that she was the queen of Mario Kart.

"What do you think we should do now? It's getting a bit late." Kirishima asked, while Mina and Sero were talking smack in the background about the game.

A smile merged onto your face and Bakugo noticed. He frowned, not knowing what would come of this. Soon after, Kaminari noticed as well and his eyes widened, kind of scared of what would come out of your mouth.

"We should do each other's skin care!" You exclaimed with a bit of a squeal. Mina heard this and backed you up immediately. However, the boys groaned, uninterested by your remark. Kirishima however, thought it was a great idea.

"I think it'll be great, L/N! But I don't think I have anything to actually use..."

"You leave that to me."

-------

"What the hell is this?!" Bakugo yelled in a slightly muffled voice. He had a charcoal mask on his face. You were applying it of course, but he was so shocked that his face started to freeze up by the contact.

"It's a charcoal face mask Bakugo! It's to help with-"

"I don't care what it's for! Why is it so sticky?!"

"Because it's -"

"Why is my face becoming tighter?" You heard Kaminari yell from where Jirou was.

Since most of the boys didn't have any decent supplies (or any for that matter), the girls had to step in. Uraraka, Mina, Yaoyorozu and yourself were applying them to their assigned person.

Mina got Kirishima, as they were near each other and have known each other the longest.

Kaminari got Jirou, because Kaminari wanted her to do his. Jirou didn't want to at first, but he persuaded her somehow.

Sero got Yaoyorozu, since Sero partially wanted to use the expensive products that Yaomomo had. It was quite an experience watching how much he wanted it.

Of course, you got the hot headed one. You two were pretty close, not as close as he and Kirishima were. However, you two have become friends, maybe even close ones. You two would hang out if you were bored and you two wouldn't admit out loud, but you have done his skin care prior to today.

This was a week ago. You got bored in your dorm room, barged into Bakugos, complained that you're bored and eventually you did his skincare. However, it was a lot more peaceful when you two were alone.

"What is that?! A jellyfish?!" Kaminari shouted, getting ready to run.

"No it's an eye mask! Sit down!" Jirou exclaimed, trying to put it on his face.

You laughed at the two of them, other people in the room doing the same.

Bakugo merely watched you spread the face mask on him. It freaked you out, as you were trying to concentrate, but you tried your best to make it perfect. You reminded him to stay as still as he could so you didn't take his eyebrow off.

Needless to say, he likes his eyebrows.

"Okay so this stays on for thirty minutes, it will harden and feel like you're suffocating, but the end result is worth it."

"It feels like that already." He commented.

"Good that means it's working." You smile and grab some other skincare you have, you may as well do yours at the same time.

"Let me do it."

...

"Excuse me?"

"Let me do your skin care."

"...Do you even know what to do?"

"I've watched you long enough. I think I've got it." He reassured. He told you to turn around so he could put your hair up. Once done you faced him. Grabbing another headband you had, he gently placed it over your head and placed it so that your baby hairs wouldn't get caught.

"Are you sure you don't need help?"

"Shut up. I can do it."

You smile at him as he opens the sheet mask from your skin care kit. He held it the wrong was the first time and you laughed at him. He was about to kill you as he turned it the right way.

By this moment, everyone in the room was looking at you two, in the centre of the room. You felt eyes on you, but you didn't pay any mind to it as you closed your eyes. You feel a mask fall onto your face gently. His fingers tracing the mask to make sure it's on properly.

He traced around your nose, your eyes and on your cheeks. He got rid of any air bubbles as best he could and made sure it was away from your eyebrows.

Which he assumed you liked.

"You're good at this." You comment, impressed by how gentle he was.

"Stop talking you'll ruin it."

"I'm sorry." You laugh a little at him.

"Shut up."

You started giggling while trying to stay still.

"Stop moving you damn idiot! I'll ruin it because you're shaking!"

You burst out laughing as he groaned out of annoyance. Mina, on the other side of the room smiled at you two. She had noticed how close you two have become since the start of the year. It was like you two were the closest in the class.

"They like each other don't they?"

...

[the-cult-of-riley]

Sleeping With Ghosts (Act One: Chapter Two)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC

[[Masterlist]]

A/N: As Act One progresses, you'll notice the time skips between chapters get a little bigger. These guys have an eight year relationship and it would take me forever to write out the entirety of it lmao. The point of Act One is to give you insight into their relationship so you understand for Act Two.

The inspiration for this story was the prologue and Act One was never supposed to be as big as it got. I just wanted to lay a foundation for their relationship and got reeeeal carried away lololol In my opinion, the real meat of this story is Act Two. The whole of Act One is just a build up lmaooo

Placebo - Special K

Coming up beyond belief On this coronary thief More than just the leitmotif More chaotic, no relief

I'll describe the way I feel Weeping wounds that never heal Can the savior be for real Or are you just my seventh seal?

No hesitation, no delay You come on just like Special K Just like I swallowed half my stash And never ever wanna crash No hesitation, no delay You come on just like Special K Now you're back with dope demand I'm on sinking sand

Gravity, no escaping Gravity Gravity, no escaping Not for free I fall down, hit the ground Make a heavy sound Every time you seem to come around

They walked down the street, his apartment building luckily on the road the bus stop was on so they didn't need to go far. He fished his fob out, holding it up to the scanner and hearing it beep to signal the door was open. He watched her as she glanced around, wonder on her face as if she was impressed by the foyer as he led her to the lift. Didn't want her trudging up four flights of stairs. 

“This is so… swanky,” she murmured, an amused smile on her face as she looked at him.

“It's alright,” he shrugged as he pressed the button for the lift. He knew it was nice, much nicer than his childhood home. He didn't think it was too fancy though. Wasn’t some fucking penthouse in the middle of the city centre. 

“It’s more than alright, Simon…” she scoffed, “it’s probably best we came here and not my place,” she added and when he looked at her, she had a guarded look on her face that made his brows furrow. He didn't like it. The doors to the lift opened and he led her inside, pressing four and watching the door close.

“Love… you could live in a council house in the middle of Moss Side and I wouldn't judge you for it. I grew up in fuckin’ Gorton, for fuck sake,” he muttered as he squeezed her hand. He didn't need her thinking he was some stuck up snob when he was far from it. She smiled then, raising a brow at him.

“It's not that bad,” she snorted and he felt himself relax as she seemed to lighten up again. “It's just a small studio thing. It's above a florist’s, makes the rent cheaper. I work at Cafe Metro in town, doesn’t exactly equal great pay,” she explained softly, looking a little self conscious. He knew the cafe she talked about. It was opposite the Arndale centre and he’d passed it a fair few times. He tugged her closer, nuzzling the side of her head and relishing in the light laugh that he caused. 

“Maybe you should show me sometime,” he murmured hesitantly, unsure how she’d react to suggesting seeing her again when they hadn't even fucked yet. Instead of recoiling or making a comment to refute him, she smiled brightly as her cheeks flushed a pretty pink. 

“We’ll see if you get sick of me yet,” she smirked but he saw something flash behind her eyes and he wondered if she’d briefly thought of her piece of shit ex. He had every plan to make her fucking forget his name by the end of the night.

“Don’t think I'd ever get sick of you, sweetheart,” he admitted, unsure why he even told her when he couldn't quite understand his own feelings. He'd known her less than an hour yet he felt like he’d known her a lifetime. The resulting smile from her made everything worth it. It was the kind of smile that stopped the world turning. The kind of smile that caused men to go to fucking war. He was doomed and he wasn't even mad about it. 

The door opened with a ding and he led her once again out of the lift and down the corridor to apartment 4F. He turned the key in the lock, hands shaking with anticipation as he led her in. This wasn’t like him at all, he wasn’t the type to fucking tremble at the thought of touching a woman. It struck him then that he’d never invited anyone to his apartment other than Tommy, Beth and his mum. He’d never brought a girl back here because he could hardly sneak out at first light if he fucking lived here. 

It felt right though, bringing her here and he watched with some hesitance as she looked around and took it in. He felt a little self conscious then. He didn't have much, the bare essentials and since he was off with the Army a lot, it looked slightly unlived in. It didn't help that he was a neat freak, cleanliness being instilled in him from the military. There were a few items though that meant things to him. The quilted blanket his mother had made him that was thrown over the back of the couch, the pictures of Tommy, Beth and his mum around on the walls. The newest addition was a scan of Tommy and Beth’s baby that was tacked to his fridge by a magnet in the shape of an army tank. 

His eyes were glued on her as she took it all in, wandering over to the couch and touching the quilted blanket with a little smile on her face. It was made of black and camo squares. She turned her eyes to him then and his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. He wasn't used to this. 

“You want a drink or anythin’?” he asked, wondering what he even had in his fridge since he wasn't expecting company. She fluttered a smile at him as she shook her head, sauntering over to him looking like a fucking angel that fell from heaven just for him. She stopped in front of him, toying with the hem of his jumper as he looked down at her. 

“I just want you,” she purred, batting her lashes all innocent like and it did him in. He grabbed her face, crashing his lips to hers with such ferocity that she squeaked and grabbed him to find purchase. 

He felt like he couldn't get close enough as his hands wandered, one splaying over her back and pressing her body flush with his. The other hand slipped over her curves, loving how the silky dress aided him in his exploration. Her body was fucking something else, he couldn’t get enough of her delicious curves and her tiny waist. His wandering hand slipped up her hip, running up her ribs before they cupped her breast. He felt her nipple hardening, confirming his stray thought that she wasn't wearing a bra and he moaned as his thumb brushed over the hardened peak through the fabric. 

She mewled into the kiss, such a cock hardening noise that he growled, grabbing her thighs and hoisting her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist and his hands settled on her arse as she giggled into the kiss. He moved into the bedroom, setting her carefully on the bed as he regretfully separated from her. 

She watched with heavy lidded eyes as he knelt on the floor in front of her, unlacing her boots and tugging them off one at a time. She had a look on her face as if she wasn't used to being taken care of like this and he found himself wanting to do it more often. He wanted to take care of her, make her happy, make her content. Once the boots were off, he tugged her socks off, making her smile as he stuffed them in her boots so they wouldn't get lost. He watched her from his spot on the floor, hands smoothing up her silky soft legs and his eyes were glued to hers. When he got near the side of her knee, she jerked her legs with a giggle and he found himself smiling. 

“Ticklish, love?” he asked ruefully and she pouted playfully at him.

“Maybe,” she smiled and he placed a kiss at the spot, making her giggle again.

He stood up, pulling her to her feet before his hands grabbed the hem of her dress. He allowed his hands to slide up her curves, grabbing the dress up with it. His hands bunched into the fabric as it got to her waist and he pulled it up, revealing more and more of creamy alabaster skin to his hungry eyes. He pulled the satin over her head and dropped it on the floor, eyes glued to her. 

She stood there in nothing but a black pair of lacy french knickers and his cock was throbbing at the sight. He could see more of her ink now. She had what looked to be flowers poking out from her underwear on the left hip bone and some words along the inside of her left arm at the top. He couldn’t wait to get a closer look. She blinked up at him, a shy look on her face that the animal inside of him preened at. 

“So fuckin’ beautiful, love,” he murmured with a rough voice, thick from his desperate arousal. She flushed, a smile curling her lips and he kissed her again, slowly this time as he allowed his hands to wander her body, feeling her bare skin against his rough hands. He groped her thighs again, hoisting her up once more before moving over to the bed. He crawled onto it before depositing her on her back, head on the pillows with her hair fanned out like a halo around her head. He leaned down, grabbing her hands and putting them above her head, lacing his fingers with hers and being mindful of her sore arm that still had his bandana around it. His eyes trailed curiously to the words on her skin, seeing some kind of quote. 

‘Since I was born I started to decay. 

Now nothing ever-ever goes my way’. 

He wondered what it was from, maybe from a book or song lyrics, wondered if he’d get the chance to ask her one day when they weren’t too preoccupied. He nuzzled the side of her face, loving how her breathing picked up and she arched at him. He kissed her cheek, trailing kisses down her jaw.

“Safeword love,” he murmured. He wasn’t really planning on going too far with her today, his main focus was just to prove he could get her off. He hoped there would be many more times for him to explore all the wonderfully sinful things she wanted to get up to. 

“Um… uh…” she stuttered, breathing laboured as his kisses trailed to her neck and he smirked into her skin. “Donuts,” she replied, sounding confused and aroused all at the same time and it just made him chuckle against her neck. He nipped at her then, ripping a moan from her that hit him right in the dick.

“You like that, sweetheart?” he asked huskily and she nodded.

“Yes,” she whispered and he groaned before biting the delicate skin and sucking on it. She squirmed with a desperate moan and he loved how wanton she was being. He moved away, admiring his handiwork as a bruise was already forming on her pretty little neck. 

Giving her a wicked smirk, he moved off her and stood up, grabbing his jumper and practically ripping it over his head. She watched him with rapt interest in her eyes and it made him feel good. She didn't take her eyes off him as he undid his jeans and tugged them off, leaving himself in his boxers before he crawled back on the bed. He settled between her legs, allowing her to feel just what she did to him as his hard cock pressed up against her wanting cunt and she gasped, hands gripping his waist. 

Her reactions to him were intoxicating, made him feel like he was the most powerful man on the fucking planet. He’d never been one to drag this out, never knew it could feel so good. Just like how he’d never been interested in kissing before. It always felt far too intimate for his liking and yet now, he couldn't get enough of it.

“Ready to have your mind blown?” he asked with a sinful smirk and she flashed him an impish smile as her hands smoothed up his back, causing him to hum softly. 

“Still overconfident, then?” she smiled, looking all pretty for him as she blinked her long dark lashes at him. 

His smirk widened into something predatory as he moved away to kneel between her legs, hands trailing over her soft body as he went. He was settled between her parted thighs then and he toyed with the lacy fabric of her knickers, watching as she stared at him with wide eyes. He hooked his fingers into the fabric, slowly dragging them down her legs and finally getting a peak at the flowers. They were roses, three black ones and one yellow that stood out from all the rest. 

He manoeuvred her legs until he chucked the knickers on the floor carelessly, his large hands going to her knees to part her legs that were now trying to close in front of him. He pried them apart, knowing she was feeling somewhat bashful by the slight resistance he felt and by the blush that swept up her entire body. He let out a delighted groan at the sight of her glistening pussy once it was bared to him and he felt his mouth water. 

“Fuckin’ hell, love. That all for me?” he rasped, eyes finally leaving her soaked cunt to look at her. She had this awed look on her face and he hadn’t even touched her yet, but it made a fire ignite inside of him. She nodded and while part of him wanted to chide her to use her words again, he was far too desperate to touch her. 

Teasingly, he dragged his fingers through her soaked folds and she let out a startled gasp, body tensing up in anticipation. She was more than soaked, pretty little thing was more touch starved than him it seemed and he couldn't wait to end her torment for her. 

He slowly started circling her clit, eyes darting between where he was touching her and her face, watching her lips part with little moans and feeling how she writhed against his hand. She was a sight to behold like this, he didn't think he’d seen anything more beautiful and he felt honoured to be the one making her feel that way. 

He slid his fingers down, sinking one into her and his pleased moan got drowned out by the sinful noise she made, her back bowing a little. She was so tight, wet and warm around just one of his fingers, he started to worry he might not fucking fit in her. He eased a second finger inside, feeling her tighten at the intrusion and moan softly, her eye fluttering shut as her head angled back on the pillow. She was a picture of ecstasy and he felt like he’d barely touched her yet. 

He started fucking her with his fingers and he was helpless against the rapt attention she demanded of him in her pleasure. One of her hands bunched in the sheets under her, the other clutching his wrist in a death grip. He found a rhythm she liked, one that had her thighs trembling beside him as sweet little moans left her lips. 

Without moving his hand, he leaned over her, propping himself with a hand beside her head as he stared down at her. His thumb started rubbing against her clit as he pumped his fingers in and out of her and she let out a keening moan, eyes flying open.

“Oh, fuck,” she gasped. Her pupils were blown wide, he could barely see the blue anymore. “I-I…” her words trailed off into incoherent noises that bounced off the walls. He was pretty sure the whole apartment building would be able to fucking hear her and he wouldn’t be shocked if someone called the police on him, thinking he was committing a murder. He’d never had someone so responsive before and his entire body fed off it. It felt like a drug to him, hearing those noises he was causing, seeing her blissed out face. Her moans got higher in pitch and more frequent, her cunt fluttering around his fingers and telling him she was close.

“That’s it, Charlotte. Cum for me,” he purred, feeling like he needed it almost as much as she did. Those words seemed to snap something inside of her and she let out a hoarse cry, her back arching harshly as she shattered around him. He felt her tighten impossibly around his fingers as he eased her through it, her whole body seizing up before it relaxed and the look on her face was fucking delicious. Totally fucked out. He stilled his hand, not wanting to overstimulate her too much given he still had plans for her. 

He watched her lay there blissfully for a moment, eyes shut and a serene look on her face. She looked like an angel.

“You alright there, love?” he asked with a wry smirk and her eyes fluttered open. Her face was flushed but she gave him a radiant smile.

“I think I might be dead,” she replied with a grin and he snorted at her.

“Sorry about that,” he remarked and her grin widened.

“Don't be. At least I died happy,” she sighed dreamily. He slowly eased his fingers out of her, making her gasp a little. His eyes darted to his fingers, coated with her and he brought them to his mouth without a thought. He sucked them clean with a groan. Fuckin’ hell, she tasted good. He didn’t get to go down on someone often since he was the fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type, liked it dirty and quick to get it over with. But he had a desperate need to put his mouth on her cunt and it had been in his head since they'd been back at the bus stop and he promised to get three orgasms out of her. 

When he looked down at her, she was watching him with wide eyes. Her cheeks were dusted with pink but something flared in her eyes that made him smirk wickedly at her as he finished cleaning his fingers off. He leaned down, capturing her lips and forcing her to taste herself. She melted under him, small hands smoothing up his chest as she kissed him back. She was so warm and pliant under him like this and he loved it. He broke the kiss to kiss along her jaw and to her ear, his still clothed bulge rubbing against her pussy that was so soaked, his boxers were getting damp.

“One down, two more to go, yeah?” he asked devilishly, making her squirm as he started kissing down her neck and then her chest. She blinked at him, watching as he grabbed one of her breasts, latching around the nipple with no warning. She let out a loud moan, hand flying to his head, fingers digging into his hair. 

It had grown out a little since his last deployment but he lamented that it wasn't long enough for her to really grab. He thought he’d like it. He sucked on her nipple for a short moment before moving to give the other one the same treatment. Couldn't be playing favourites now, could he? When he had her a squirming mess again, he felt satisfied to continue his journey. He placed kisses down the delicate flesh of her stomach, moving lower and lower.

“Wait!” she called out, making him still instantly. He lifted his head from where he was, devastatingly close to where he wanted to be the most. He wouldn't continue if she wanted to stop though, no matter how gutted he’d be about it.

“What is it?” he asked carefully, running quickly through his head for something he could have done to make her uncomfortable.

“I just… no one’s ever… you know…” she stuttered, gesturing her head to him and what he was clearly on his way to do. He blinked dumbly at her for a moment, his eyes narrowing a little.

“Seriously? I’m startin’ to question your taste in men, love,” he tutted, shaking his head. He shouldn’t be suprised her arsehole ex didn’t go down on her, but he was shocked it hadn't happened even once, even someone else. Something primal surged in his chest at the idea of having this first with her.

“Got you in bed in under an hour, didn't I?” she asked cheekily and it startled a chuckle out of him. She was something else, this one. 

“You're a cheeky bitch, you know that?” he asked, raising a brow at her with a fond smile on his face. Can't say he'd ever had an exchange like this during sex before. She gave him a wide grin that made his heart beat all funny in his chest.

“You like it though,” she countered and he shrugged, because it wasn't a lie. 

“You want me to stop?” he asked her, getting serious for a moment. She nibbled her lower lip and shyly shook her head.

“No, but… do you even want to? You won't hate it?” she asked him, a small frown marring her features. 

“Why would I hate it?” he asked in confusion, not sure what had given her that impression.

“Well… Ethan always said-” she started but he cut her off swiftly.

“Don’t say his fuckin’ name, not here,” he growled and her eyes widened, mouth snapping shut. He hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, so fucking possessive like that, but the idea of her uttering that arsehole’s name in his fucking bed made his blood turn to lava in his veins. Shouldn’t have been fucking shocked that the tosser probably told her he didn’t like going down on a woman, probably didn’t like the taste or some other stupid shit. He wanted to punch him. 

“I’m sorry, that was bad etiquette,” she huffed, covering her face with her hands but not before he saw her red cheeks from the embarrassment. “I just… I’ve never had to do this before, I’ve only ever been with one person. I’m ruining it,” she lamented, her voice slightly muffled from her hands. 

Something tugged in his chest at her words and he moved over her again, one hand propped against her head as the other gently pried her hands away from her face. She wouldn’t look him in the eye and it made him frown. 

“You’re not ruinin’ it, love. I wanna do this, I’ll enjoy it,” he tried to reassure her. She finally looked at him, eyes darting over his face worriedly.

“Are you sure? I don't wanna be a bother,” she frowned and the tugging in his chest got worse. That absolute fucker, Simon was gonna cave his face in if he ever saw him. Making her feel like some kind of burden to take care of. Taking what he wanted from her and leaving her high and dry. Making her feel like her needs weren’t important. 

“Just let me take care of you, sweetheart,” he implored, leaning down and rubbing the tip of his nose against hers affectionately. Her breathing hitched a little, hands splaying on his chest again as she closed her eyes. She seemed to like the little affectionate touch from him and he stored that away for later. She finally nodded and he smiled, happy he’d eased her worries. She had no use for them here, not with him. 

He moved back down her body, settling on his stomach between her parted thighs and he licked his lower lip at the sight. Despite the hitch they’d had in his plans, she was still sopping wet and he smoothed his hands up her soft thighs. He could see her breathing ragged, her hands by her sides, clutching the sheets she lay on. 

He placed a kiss on her thigh, enjoying the soft noise she made when he did. He was overwhelmed by so much being with her like this. She smelt divine. Not just the slick he’d caused but the smell of her skin. He felt like he was getting drunk off her as he kissed and nipped his way up her thigh, sucking on one area to leave a mark behind. She gasped and her hand went back to his head, her body wriggling on the bed a little. He hummed at the sight of the blooming mark, feeling satisfied with it as he continued his trail upwards. 

When he finally got to her cunt, he wasted no time, his patience well and truly thin. He gave her a long lick from her entrance to her clit and she let out a keening moan. He lapped at her clit for a moment, loving how she squirmed against his face before he latched onto it. 

“Simon!” she cried out desperately and he moaned against her, suckling harder at the little bundle of nerves as her body bucked and bowed. How neglected had this poor little pussy been? He hooked his arms around her thighs to keep her in place, sucking on her like a man starved as she gasped and moaned loudly, without care. She started chanting his name like some fervent prayer and he felt himself get lightheaded from the sensation, never thinking his name had sounded so fucking good. 

It didn’t take long to bring her to her second orgasm and he almost came himself at the noise she made, could hardly stop himself from rutting against the fucking bed to find some friction. He moved away from her, licking his lips greedily before kneeling back up to look at her. She had that blissed out look on her face again and a smug smirk tugged at his lips at the sight. 

“Ready for three?” he asked mischievously and she cracked her eyes open, blinking at him slowly. 

“I think you might have fucked the bones out of me. I’m not sure I can move,” she whined playfully and he chuckled. 

“You're doin’ wonders for my ego, sweetheart,” he grinned and she laughed lightly, looking at him with warm eyes. He moved to pull his boxers off then, shuffling himself out of them and tossing them somewhere. Her eyes drifted down to his painfully hard cock and they widened, darting back to his face.

“Will that even fit?” she asked incredulously and another chuckle rumbled in his chest. She really was doing wonders for his fucking ego. He moved to grab a condom out of the bedside drawer, tearing the wrapper open.

“Guess we’re about to find out,” he drawled, an impish smile on his face as he rolled the condom on and moved back to hover over her, propped up with one arm. 

His other hand grasped his throbbing cock and the excitement that ran through him was like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He rubbed the tip around her soaked entrance, gathering her slick, and he moaned softly. She already felt so fucking good and he wasn’t even inside of her yet. He idly wondered how she’d feel without the barrier of a condom. 

Her breathing was heavy, lips parted with desire shining through her blue hues at him. He locked eyes with her as he slowly started to push in and she gasped, hands digging into his shoulders as he let out a noise suspiciously like a whine. Fuck him sideways, she was so fucking tight. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have thought she was a fucking virgin. It was taking all of his self restraint not to just shove his cock into her until he was in all the way and he resorted to pulling out before dipping back in, pushing himself ever so slightly further to ease her open to him. She didn't look like she was in pain so he kept at it, pushing in a little further after pulling out each time. On the last one, they both let out moans as he finally sheathed himself in all the way.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he hissed, jaw lax and eyes shut as he tried to calm himself before he blew his load like a fucking teenager. He kissed her, needing to stay still for a moment and gather himself. The hand not propping him up grasped her jaw as his tongue tangled with hers slowly, tasting every inch of her. She moaned into the kiss, arms winding around his neck and he didn't think he’d ever felt so weightless before. 

He hadn't dared move for fear of not being able to control himself but he was caught off guard when she arched up at him, making him gasp against her lips. He broke the kiss, opening his eyes to look at her. She was flushed but her eyes had that cheeky glint to them he’d seen at the bus stop and he knew she’d done it on purpose. He started moving then, slowly at first as he allowed them both to adjust to the sensation.

“Feel so good, love,” he purred, resting his forehead on hers as she moaned, pushing back against him. He remembered her saying she liked guys being vocal in bed so he was sure not to hide any of the noises she was ripping from him as he started fucking into her a little faster, watching how her face lit up at each and every one. 

“Such a good girl for me, sweetheart. Takin’ my cock so well,” he moaned and she whined, hooking a leg up and over his hip and he almost shot his load at the angle change.

“Simon… Simon, please,” she begged helplessly, sounding like she wasn’t even sure what she was begging him for, but fuck if it didn’t turn him on more.

“Don’t worry, love, I got you,” he replied, moving a hand to slide under her lower back, just above her arse. He used it to tilt her pelvis just a little but the guttural moan he got from her told him it was enough. He was hitting that spot inside of her and the angle change had his pubic bone rubbing on her clit. She looked like she saw stars for a moment and he couldn't tear his eyes away from her, watching as she snapped like a rubber band by his hand. She was moaning and gasping, body writhing as she tightened like a vice around his cock and he couldn't hold himself back even if he wanted to at this point.

“Good girl, such a good girl,” he rambled through his lust filled haze, rutting into her harder and faster as he chased his own release. Didn't take him long to find it. He came with a deep moan, a wave of pure euphoria starting at his dick and spreading throughout his entire body, even the tips of this fucking toes. 

He’d never felt such a release before and he could barely catch his breath. He cupped her cheek, kissing her lazily as they both came down from their highs. He enjoyed the closeness, enjoyed the softness of the moment as he felt himself come back to earth. He didn't want to crush her, so reluctantly, he pulled out with a hiss, tying off the condom before tossing it in the bin near his bed and collapsing next to her. 

“Told you I’d get three outta you,” he smirked breathlessly and she snorted.

“I’m impressed and very, very satisfied,” she murmured, sounding half asleep. He glanced over at her, watching how she struggled to keep her eyes open.

“Glad to hear it,” he replied softly, rolling on his side, some subconscious need to be closer to her. She opened her eyes then, looking at him warily.

“Should I… Do you want me to leave?” she asked, sounding self conscious. He was reminded she wasn't used to this and to be honest, neither was he. He didn't bring girls back here for this very reason, because he’d want them to leave but didn't want to look like a right bastard. It was easier just to slip out of their place instead without them knowing. But looking at Charlotte, he didn't want her to leave and he found himself dumbstruck with the idea.

“No, you can stay…” he said quietly, “if you want,” he added quickly, suddenly concerned that maybe she’d asked if he wanted her to leave because she wanted to leave. She shook her head quickly though, putting his worries to rest.

“I’d like to stay,” she admitted shyly and he felt relief flood his system, a bright warmth kindling in his chest. 

He reached out, rolling her over to face him and she smiled, moving to snuggle up against his broad frame. She fit against him perfectly, face tucked under his head with her arms pressed against his chest. He slid one arm under the pillow under them so it wasn't in the way, his other slung over her waist, hand splayed on her back to keep her as close as possible. He’d never slept with someone before. When his usual partners fell asleep, he’d be wide awake, biding his time before he could rush out the door. He thought it would be more uncomfortable for him but it wasn't. It felt right. He allowed his body to relax with the feel of her soft and warm body in his arms, getting the best night sleep he’d ever fucking had.

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

Planning as an act of love

Okay, I’m going to get serious for a moment. I’m going to get very very graphic, but I want to emphasize exactly how important it is to TALK about end-of-life planning.

I live in Oregon, in the USA. I have no idea how it works in other states. I have no idea how it works in other countries. I just know what happened to me this week and I am so horrified and furious and frustrated that I need to scream into the void so that maybe, maybe, maybe my screaming can somehow prevent someone else from going through the same.

When my dad died, he died in a hospital. He was transferred to the morgue, and from there to the cremation service he and Mom had previously chosen. He and Mom knew the importance of planning ahead. They made their arrangements years ago and even put down deposits so that when the day came, all they would need to do is call a single phone number. Even though his death was sudden, the process went smoothly. He’s now five pounds of ash in a gorgeous burlwood box that Mom occasionally carries around the house. Eventually, he will be spread in Puget Sound according to his wishes. 

Simple. Straightforward. We do fire drills so that if the fire alarm goes off, our feet already know the distance to the rendezvous.  

My mother-in-law died on Thursday. Despite having a dementia diagnosis for fifteen years, she and my FIL didn’t make a single decision regarding end-of-life logistics. This resulted in her lying in her bed for TWELVE HOURS after her passing while FIL dithered about deciding on a funeral home. My husband, his sister and I went to the memory care place to collect her things, and she was still there. 

Have you ever seen anyone die? Do you want to know what it’s like? With Dad, his heartbeat lost cadence. We watched the pulse of his jugular, stark under his emaciated skin, as it stuttered out of time with his breath. He twitched as we held his hands, muscles straining as the signal faded, rallied, and faded again. We counted from a last breath, got to a minute, two minutes, and then he would gasp and we’d start over. Thirty seconds. One minute. Three minutes. Gasp. 

This went on for an afternoon. The sky was cloudless, a sharp cold February day brilliant as glacier ice. Sunlight flooded the room. We watched the clock. We watched his pulse. Mom held one of his hands. My sister held the other. I held theirs, my elbow making a dent in his edema-swollen calf. Spit and mucus congealed in his throat, each breath rasping in and out. This is what they call a death rattle. At exactly four o’clock, he gasped and we started our count again, but this time, we kept counting. Three minutes. Four minutes. Seven. Ten. I think my sister was the one who pressed the call button. The nurse came in and called the doctor to confirm he was gone. 

You know in your bones when someone is gone. It’s called an unnatural stillness, but death is a natural process. Stillness is the most natural part.

We weren’t there when my mother-in-law passed. This was a choice my husband and his sister made, and I respect that. Someone else brushed her hair and smoothed the blankets, arranging the tableau with thoughtful hands. Someone called hospice, who called us. “She’s gone,” they said, and in the next breath, asked about arrangements. There were none, and my father-in-law, overwhelmed and closed to suggestion, was legally the only one who could make the decision.

When we went to the memory care place, my mother-in-law was still there, lying in her bed in a carefully dark room. She was still. She was not sleeping. We took her things, silently packed up her sweaters and shirts and closed the door on a corpse. 

You know in your bones when someone is gone.

No one likes thinking about these things. It isn’t comfortable. It isn’t pleasant. Do you know what else isn’t pleasant? Scrolling through Google reviews with tears in your eyes. Looking at price lists because we live in a capitalist hellscape and it costs a great deal of money to die. Opening a website called Discount Cremation Services and then closing it immediately, because even though it’s five hundred dollars cheaper than the next option, you can’t bear to have your loved one processed in the same strip mall that sells used tires. Would you like to upgrade from a plastic urn to one of our more dignified options? How many copies of the death certificate do you need? Death has a bureaucracy: insurance, Social Security, property, banks and other financial institutions. Which ones require a notarized death certificate and which ones will accept a copy? 

I’m sorry for your loss. Will you be paying by credit or debit?

So get your shit together. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Find a list. Getting your affairs in order isn’t morbid. It’s an act of love. Do you know what you’d like done with your body when you die? Tell someone. Write it down. If you’re over a certain age and can pay ahead of time, do it. My parents used the Neptune Society. It was expensive, but worth every penny. 

Do you think you’re too young to be planning? You aren’t. What if you get hit by a car? What if you get cancer? Do you want the people who love you to be sitting together at a kitchen table with cold tea, desperately trying to remember if you ever mentioned that you wanted to be buried? Donated to science? What will happen to your cat? Your books? Who will close your bank account? Who will make your final Instagram post? 

Talk with your loved ones. Ask what they want. If they can afford it, have an estate lawyer look through their documents. Know the probate laws of your state. Do you know what power of attorney means? Or would you rather be holding a kleenex in your shaking hands as the customer service representative gently tells you you can’t access your dead parent’s bank account without it? 

We’re all right. We’re figuring things out. We’ve got each other and we’re muddling through. I just want to highlight the stark contrasts. It’s hard to talk about these things when everything is fine, but it’s worse to talk about them when everything isn’t. 

This isn’t suicidal. This isn’t morbid. It’s practical. It’s healthy. This is the fire drill. Know your exit. Please, please, please don’t wait until everything is on fire.