#but I love the vitamin post as a chronic illness metaphor but it definitely makes sense in a gifted kid to burnt out adult sort of way too
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shego1142 · 3 days ago
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I’m failing and I know I’m failing but please if someone can just tell me that it’s okay, that I’m allowed to fail, I’ve been given permission to fail and I don’t have to worry anymore I’ll still have a house, a home, friends and family and food and maybe a nice thing to do or something entertaining for a little while
Tell me it’s not all my fault, it can be some my fault but tell me it’s not all my fault all mine all alone
Tell me it’s not that everything is exactly this hard for everyone and only I am the one who is getting left behind
That can’t be it right? It can’t be this hard for everyone, right?
Tell me the bone deep weariness is a missing vitamin
Tell me the exhaustion and pain is a sickness
It doesn’t have to have a cure just don’t tell me it’s the norm
Tell me it’s not just excuses
Tell me you believe me, tell me you know it’s not just an excuse.
Tell me you have seen how hard I try.
Just let me know if I can stop trying so hard
Because I’m starting to think my best is not enough
So just tell me if I can stop giving it my all?
Tell me you’re proud of my attempts even if they don’t come with success
Even if they never come with success
Tell me I’m missing a vitamin
Me: You know how when you were a kid and you’d wish that you’d get sick or injured in a way that would justify why you didn’t live up to your potential?
Everybody, apparently: No?
#a lament for those who are also in the gifted kid to chronic illness pipeline#sorry this got real#but I love the vitamin post as a chronic illness metaphor but it definitely makes sense in a gifted kid to burnt out adult sort of way too#I don’t live up to my own expectations of myself#and yeah that’s my new normal but it doesn’t even have a name yet because diagnosis is hard af#I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired#chronic illness#chronic pain#sad#sorry lol#I’m okay I’m just venting btw don’t worry about me#had a good cry writing this#gonna fail some more#I know I don’t need outside permission but it sure does help#reassurance isn’t necessary but damn is it addictive#it’s just you know that feeling when you got so super sick as a kid that you were shaking and in pain and throwing up and everything#and you go to the doctor and they’re like omg you’re really so sick you need bed rest now and absolutely no doing anything stressful#and you felt like oh I’m being heard and seen my needs are being met#I’m getting attention and medicine to make me feel better and I’m not expected to do anything because I really am very sick and it’s real#the horrible awful way I feel is verifiable by tests and the experts agree that it is okay for me to sleep which is great because I need it#that’s what the missing vitamin is to me#because I feel like I can’t breathe and I’m exhausted and I am in real horrible pain so constantly#and I just want that moment of ‘omg we didn’t believe you I’m so sorry your needs have gone unmet for so long’#it’s not about attention or money or being let off the hook#I know I am sick I know it is real but I really need other people to hear me#I want other people to know it as fact and not as just an excuse#to know that if and when I am able to I will be an unstoppable force#please don’t count me out right now#but I just need to rest right now#I just need my missing vitamin
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