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rkived · 4 years ago

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year 22 (m) — jjk

‘‘I knew you’d be standing in my front porch light, and I knew you’d come back to me.’‘

Pairing: childhoodfriend!jk x f!reader

Genre/Tags: angst!!!, drama, a lil fluff, f2l, e2l-ish, pining, slow burn, smut

Rating: M +18

WC: 11.5k

Warnings: time jumps, underage drinking, jk being a douchebag for most of the fic, reader can’t catch a mf break, mention of character death ((no major one tho)). smut in the form of oral (f. receiving), fingering, nipple play, unprotected sex ((wrap it b4 u tap it y’all)), my being called pretty kink making a brief appearance soz

A/N: i listened to cardigan for the first time n had it on replay the whole time i wrote this so ig u should do it too ! this is my first time posting smut on here but who would i be if i didn’t throw in some good angst ? also tysm to @periminkle for being my unofficial beta reader n checking it up for me, she knows i’m constantly looking for her validation n i def wouldn’t post this if she didn’t love it ilu vira thx for being the best ever mwah !!!

You’re five, cowering behind his mother’s legs, sniffing as tears stream down your face. In front of you both stands Jungkook, there’s remorse written all over his face as his mother stares him down with hands on her hips and a look that just screams that this is only the beginning of his punishment.

‘’Apologize to Y/N right now Jungkook, or I’ll have your father have a word with you,’’ she threatens with a stern tone, making her son quickly shake his head no. ‘‘You need to learn how to share your toys.’’

You peek behind her lanky leg and find the slightly older kid looking at you with narrowed eyes, ‘‘I’m sorry, Y/N.’’ He apologizes with a bow, but he’s obviously displeased with the whole ordeal.

His mother sighs and Jungkook pouts at the look on her face. She urges you to come out from your not-so-secret hiding spot and to go back to playing with him, even though you seriously doubt that will do any good to what just happened.

Jungkook’s bedroom door is kept open as he sits back down on his city patterned carpet, you twiddle with your thumbs and stare at the Spiderman poster on his wall. There’s an awkward silence between you two until you feel a toy bump your crisscrossed legs.

It’s the shiny red car he had refused to lend you before, provoking an argument between you two which eventually made you run out of his room in tears as you ratted him out to his mom.

‘‘Wooow,’’ you whisper in awe, taking the car in your hands with so much care, treating it like it’s one of your newest dolls.

Jungkook huffs, crossing his arms as he looks at you with distaste and he’s forced to settle with other boring toys as you giggle to yourself, making the car follow the carpet’s tracks. He learns then to never trust his mother again. If she ever says she’ll bring a new friend for him to play with again, he’ll refuse wholeheartedly.

He doesn’t like sharing his toys, and it’ll probably take him a long time to learn how to.

You’re nine as you hand Jungkook one of the multiple Valentine’s Day cards you carefully crafted the night before with your mother, adding all kinds of pretty stickers and shiny glitter to make each one of them unique. His is different from the rest, though.

You added hearts to the dots in the I’s, there’s a hint of your favorite body splash enveloping the pink construction paper and it fills Jungkook’s nostrils with so much force that he feels he could gag at the smell.

‘‘What do you think?’’ You ask the fourth-grader with a big smile on your face, cheeks tinted with a light shade of red as you see him reading the little message you wrote inside the card.

Jungkook lets out a mocking chuckle, ‘‘Are you serious? You like me?’’ He asks you, but it doesn’t look like he’s looking for answers. Your smile slowly fades away, looking at him with glossy eyes, ‘‘I don’t like you, you’re just a dumb little girl.’’

His card was the one you had invested the most time in and yet it only took him a second to crumple it with his hand, and another five for him to toss it into the trash can near you before he goes back to his group of friends in the school’s playground.

You learn how to hold your tears in then, thinking it’s a great accomplishment and that maybe now he’ll stop calling you a crybaby.

His friends receive him with high-fives and he smiles with gratefulness because they just saw how much of a badass he can be. Once recess is over and everyone’s going back to their classrooms, Jungkook nears the garbage bin where he had thrown the Valentine's card in, but finds it’s now dirty with yogurt someone tossed inside.

He grimaces at the sight and sighs, there’s no way he can save it now.

You’re twelve and you’re the only girl in the treehouse who hasn’t gone through puberty yet. It wasn’t something that bothered you until just recently, when it became pretty evident why none of the boys would even give you a onceover compared to the other girls.

“I don’t know if I want to play,” you mumble after Kim Jihyo suggests playing spin the bottle. You’re the only one who opposes the idea, though you could count Jungkook in given as he just sat there without saying a word.

Park Yerim rolls her eyes, “You’re so boring, Y/N!” The comment makes the rest giggle as you pout at being the designated party pooper.

It’s all fun and games of truth and dares to whoever the bottle lands on and you’ve been lucky enough to avoid the tip of the plastic Coca-Cola bottle to point at you, until it lands on Jungkook who has done a few funny dares so far.

“Alright, Jungkook, let’s make things even more fun!” Jihyo announces since she’s been the one who has assigned most of the embarrassing challenges and questions, “I dare you to kiss one of the girls here for ten seconds.”

The dare makes the boys cheer with excitement and the girls gasp with anticipation, hoping one of them is the lucky chosen one. Your lips part slightly as you stare at him sitting across from you, he’s clearly not comfortable with the dare, but knowing him, he won’t express his current discomfort.

His eyes land on you as you stare back at him with concern, hoping that he’ll speak up to avoid himself the embarrassment. Has he even kissed someone before? If this is his first kiss, you’ll witness it alongside everyone else and you can only imagine how terrifying that must be. Even though Jungkook’s always been a brave kid, you can always tell when he feels under pressure.

“Uhm, I’ll uh—“ Jungkook keeps staring at you and you feel your heart start to beat like you just ran the usual ten laps around the gym in P.E class. Are you about to have your first kiss? With him?

You nod your head absentmindedly, a sign to let him know it’s okay for him to pick you from all the other developed girls who probably have more experience kissing than you do, but it’s okay because you’ve always been a quick learner.

“Yeji,” Jungkook says after what feels like forever, though it’s only been a mere few seconds, “I’ll kiss Yeji.” He adds, removing his eyes from yours and settling them on the girl with the high ponytail and pink colored nails.

You bite your bottom lip hard, breaking the dry skin as you feel yourself taste blood. It doesn’t matter because no one’s paying attention to you and instead they’re focused on Jungkook’s neverending kiss with Yeji.

When you get home that night, you look at yourself in the mirror and frown at your lack of everything. Is this the reason as to why he hadn’t picked you?

You’re fourteen and Kim Taehyung just sent you a message through MSN in which he confesses to have feelings for you. Your eyes widen, rereading the message several times, rubbing at your eyes just to make sure you’re seeing things correctly.

You run off across the street to Jungkook’s house, ringing the doorbell quickly for someone to open up. You’re greeted by him looking at you with an annoyed expression, he had to pause his GTA game to come and open the door.

“What do you want?” Jungkook asks harshly, crossing his arms as he stares into somewhere that’s not your face. He’s anxiously waiting for you to spit out whatever it is you’re there to say.

You calm yourself down by breathing in deep and out, blowing the air right at him, “Does Taehyung like me?” You ask him, making Jungkook’s eyes widen in surprise and his brows to raise.

His reaction tells you that you might’ve just discovered a secret you weren’t supposed to and it only makes your heart beat even faster because if it’s true, then this is a pleasant surprise. Kim Taehyung is one of the hottest boys in the tenth grade and he happens to be one of Jungkook’s closest friends. You think he must know something since you see them hanging out at lunch.

“Uh—I don’t know, Y/N.” Jungkook mumbles, rubbing at the back of his neck, finally looking at you and he feels a gut wrenching punch in his stomach at the sight. “Taehyung isn’t a really good guy, you shouldn’t—“

“What are you saying?” You interrupt him with a question, confused as to why Jungkook was painting a negative picture of his friend. “He was really sweet with what he said, he thinks my eyes are pretty when they sparkle — I didn’t even know they did that!”

Jungkook grimaces and sighs, there’s really not much he can do here. You’ve always been so stubborn, so relentless. No matter how many times life tries to tell you something’s not meant for you, you challenge each and every one of it’s obstacles until you take what’s yours.

“Okay, then what are you gonna do? Date him? You haven’t even had your first kiss yet.” Jungkook reminds you with a mocking tone and you furrow your brows together because, how does he know that?

You stammer, “I-I have! I had it at camp last summer, actually!” That’s a lie, but he wasn’t there so he can’t prove the veracity of your statement. “And what do you care? So what if I want to date him?” You add with anger, not understanding why couldn’t he just support you in search of true love.

The thought of dating Kim Taehyung had never crossed your mind, thinking he was way too out of your league for him to ever notice you. But that confession sitting in your MSN chat now served as a nice feeling of knowing you aren’t as invisible as you think you are.

Jungkook scoffs, “Taehyung would never date you, okay? He’s older than you, he’s cool, he goes to parties and has kissed almost every girl in his grade, do you think he’d really like someone as boring as you?” He doesn’t mean to be so harsh, but you’re just so difficult and impossible to get through.

Jungkook’s used to the trembling bottom lip and the teary eyes that you give him everytime he says something that definitely strikes a nerve within you, but he’s always impressed on how you always refrain from crying in front of him. Last time you did that you were both kids and he probably took the last lollipop from your batch of collected halloween candy.

“Screw you, Jungkook,” you say through gritted teeth, and if looks could kill, he’d be dead already.

He looks at you quickly stomp your way back to your house, only heading back inside once you slam your front door shut. Jungkook enters his room to find two new messages in his MSN.

$$ kIm tAaEhyYyuNG $$: it worked!

$$ kIm tAeEhyYyunGG $$: she fell for it xDxD where did u even come up with the sparkly eyes thing?? that’s gold bro rofl

Jungkook sighs, ignoring the messages and shutting his computer down.

You’re sixteen and you’ve been invited to your first party. Granted, it was Jungkook’s, but he knew that if he didn’t ask you to come you’d probably tell on him with his mom. No matter what age he was, he’d always fear his mother’s scolding.

“Drink this!” Park Jimin says with his beautiful smile and you’re starting to realize why they gave him that very same superlative on the school’s yearbook. You take the red solo cup without any second thought, placing the rim straight to your lips and choke once you feel the liquid burn your throat.

“Ugh—What’s this?” You ask, cleaning the droplets of liquid around the corners of your mouth.

He chuckles, “Fruit punch!” The liquid is indeed red like the familiar drink you’re used to, but there’s definitely something else mixed inside. “Oh, and vodka,” he adds with wiggly eyebrows as he shows off the small flask he was hiding in his sweatshirt’s front pocket.

You gasp and hand him the cup back, “No, I don’t drink alcohol, sorry.” Jimin rolls his eyes and it reminds you of the many times you’ve received this same reaction from your classmates before. Always a party pooper. He’s about to take the plastic red cup from you until you quickly drink the spiked punch in one go.

The boy howls in excitement, “Woo, go Y/N! Another one coming right up.”

Jungkook knows he should be making sure everything’s alright downstairs. If his mother notices there’s at least one misplaced object, she’ll know right away something went down in her house while her husband and her were away for the weekend on an emergency trip to their hometown. Leaving him unsupervised only because they both believed their son was old enough to tend for himself.

But Jung Eunha had dragged him into his room with the excuse of wanting to see what it looked like, but the mini tour had turned into them kissing on his bed and Jungkook is thankful he changed his Spiderman sheets in exchange for some boring plain grey ones. Eunha smells like fresh mint and Jungkook is way into his head to focus on properly kissing her.

It’s not until his bedroom door is abruptly open, slamming against the wall that Jungkook literally jumps to his feet, making Eunha gasp as they both look at the person who has interrupted their awkward makeout session.

“Guk-ah, what are you doin’?” You curiously wonder, a hiccup following right after which makes you giggle. Jungkook’s chest rises and falls with quickness as he notices you look different from the last time he saw you twenty minutes ago when you were talking to Jimin. “Guk-ah, were you—you kissin’ Eunha?” You ask once more after not receiving an answer to your previous question.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asks in concern, coming closer to analyze your weird state. You stretch your arm out to avoid him from nearing you, making him falter in his place as he studies your expression.

You hum, “Guk-ah, you busy. Sorry,” you apologize in a shy tone, ready to head back down and have more of that fruity alcohol punch you now found tasty, but you stumble and only avoid yourself from falling by holding onto Jungkook's door frame, he’s already reaching out by then.

“Are you fucking serious, Y/N? Get out!” Eunha complains with irritation, getting up from the bed and ready to kick you out of his room, but his free arm stops her from getting near you. “Whu—?”

“Eunha, go back down. I’ll deal with her myself.” Jungkook says as calmly as he can, thinking three’s a crowd and dealing with you wasn’t an easy thing in of itself. She’s about to argue, but he interrupts her again, “Go down, now.”

She rolls her eyes and bumps her shoulder against yours harshly once she steps out of his room, “Whatever, that kiss was shitty anyway.”

He pretends he didn’t hear that and takes you in his arms instead, dragging you to lay on his bed as you cuddle into his favorite pillow and hug it close to your body. How much did you drink? Why did you even do it in the first place? Jungkook knows you’ve never tried alcohol before, which means he’ll be in big trouble if you show up back to your house like this.

When you open your eyes hours later, your head hurts and it feels lightweight when you move it side to side. The room you’re in is familiar, that spiderman poster is still hung on the wall, but there are no more toys laying around the floor; they’ve probably been stored somewhere in his garage or sent off to a donation center under his mother’s demand.

The pillow that you’re hugging smells just like him and any other day you’d hold on to it tighter and inhale his scent like your life depended on it, but you abruptly sit on the bed as you’re reminded of how you got here. The action is not appreciated by your dizzy head, but you look around the room to notice how dark it is and there’s no more music playing downstairs.

You quickly jump to the ground, only to hear a “Fuck, ouch!” from below, stepping on Jungkook’s leg unintentionally. It makes you gasp, looking down to notice the older friend laying on the cold floor, having gotten rid of that childhood carpet of his. His head’s laying on a makeshift pillow made out of a towel and he’s trying hard not to shiver.

“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry!” You quickly apologize, stepping away from his figure as he soothes the shin of his leg you stepped on. “Jungkook, what happened?”

He sighs, “Someone decided to drink like five cups of spiked punch knowing damn well it was their first time drinking alcohol, stepped into my room like a crazy person, and then crashed on my bed like they—What’s with the face?”

“Bathroom.”

Jungkook grimaces while he holds your hair back, you’re throwing away all the liquid you had taken with a few additional snacks you had munched on earlier, “Are you done?” He asks in a tired mumble and you shake your head no.

He feels guilty that you’re in this position. He didn’t even want to kiss Eunha, but she was one of the most popular girls in his grade and he knew that if he turned her down she would most likely put a bad word in with the rest of the girls and the guys would make fun of him for being such a wuss.

That would’ve been better, because after laying you down on his bed he had to go down and tell everyone that the party was over, putting an excuse that the neighbors had warned him and threatened to call the cops. They all cleared pretty quickly, but he knew he was going to be the butt of the jokes come Monday. He even had to call your parents to let them know you had gone home to a friend’s house for a sleepover, which he knew wasn’t totally believable, but it had somehow gotten them convinced that their daughter was alright because they trusted Jungkook to never hurt you ever.

Once you feel like you’ve puked your stomach out, Jungkook hands you a pill accompanied with a glass of water and hands you clothes of his that might be more comfortable to sleep in.

“Good night, Jungkook,” you whisper once you’re laying back on his bed, still hugging the pillow he preferred to sleep with. He makes a sacrifice to make it up to you.

His back is going to hurt by the time the sun comes out in a few hours, but it’s okay if it means you’ll sleep comfortably after the events of tonight. “Good night, Y/N.”

He’s unable to sleep, but finds entertainment in your hanging hand beside his bed. The skin on your palm looks soft and there’s this strange urge inside of him that makes him want to grab your hand in his, but he refrains.

To calm the current chaos in his head, Jungkook finds peace in the light snores coming from his bed.

You’re just about to turn eighteen and your date to the prom is Jeong Jaehyun, who had only asked you out a day before the event because the girl he had initially wanted to take had been asked and he didn’t have a plan B.

Jaehyun is okay, at least he managed to get you a corsage that matched the color of your dress. He even smiles in the pictures your parents take of you both as you awkwardly try to look comfortable with his arms around you even though by then you had only exchanged a few sentences.

The prom’s theme is Summer Nights and you think it’s fitting considering this is the very last event before the graduation ceremony, meaning that you’d most likely never see most of these people ever again. You had purposely applied to a college that was outside of your hometown for that same reason. You’re ready to live the life you’ve always wanted to live, without anyone judging or knowing you.

Your date spends most of the night talking with his group of friends as you’re left alone on your table, looking at your well manicured nails. You knew you weren’t going to get the same prom experience the high school kids on T.V enjoyed, but you at least hoped it would’ve been a little more fun than this.

A tap on your shoulder makes you turn around to see Jungkook trying to loosen the tight tie around his neck. He looks incredibly handsome and you suppose his mother helped him pick the suit out, Jungkook rarely ever wore fitted clothing, so this is one of those once in a lifetime moments..

“Hey you,” you say and he gives you half a smile, wondering why you’re sitting by yourself at an empty table when everyone else was either mingling or dancing. “Where’s your date?” You ask with curiosity, you’re surprised that Jinsoul isn’t trailing alongside him given how she had behaved for the past week ever since he asked her to come with him.

“Retouching her face or something,” he answers casually, “what are you doing sitting here? Where’s Jaehyun?” Jungkook asks.

You shrug your shoulders, “Don’t know, probably talking with the guys of the basketball team. He’s been gone for a while.” Not like you care, anyway. If your conversation with him inside his car on the way to the venue had been any indication of what it would’ve been like for the rest of the night, you’re glad he's not here trying to make any more small talk with you.

Jungkook huffs, thinking he’ll kick his ass if he sees him. He had asked him to invite you so you wouldn’t come alone, and yet here you are, sitting all by yourself while the douchebag’s making a social life somewhere in the crowd. He calms down once he notices how unbothered you are by it, though. You’re a big girl now, you’ve been through too much to be affected by something as simple as this.

“Is there something you wan—“

“Dance!” You interrupt with excitement and Jungkook chuckles.

“I was gonna ask if you wanted something to drink, but—alright, let’s dance.” Jungkook can’t dance for shit, but you took lessons when you were younger and he can still remember how you’d always show him the routines you learned in class. He’d always boo you, but in reality you were pretty good. He wonders why you stopped, he doesn’t recall you ever telling him.

It’s just his luck that once you both step into the dancefloor, the hired DJ stops the up-tempo song playing before and switches to a much slower romantic one, “Alright everyone, I want all the couples on the dancefloor for this one.”

You step away from him with nervousness, it’s couples only after all. But Jungkook holds onto your lower back firmly, pulling you closer into his space. Your eyebrows raise as your lips part, “Uh, s-should we, uh—?”

“It’s just a song, Y/N. You wanted to dance, then we’ll dance.” He tells you with such confidence it makes you feel like this is totally normal and something all friends do. All the known High School couples are dancing together, heads tenderly placed over chests and chins resting lovingly above them. You wait for Jungkook to take the lead because you have no clue of what you should be doing, you might’ve taken dance lessons years ago but you’ve never slowed danced in your life.

Jungkook places his hand on your hip, the touch makes goosebumps crawl in your arms. He pretends he doesn’t notice it as he takes your right hand in his. You stare at the way he delicately holds it like it’s his mother’s fine china. “Place your other hand on my shoulder,” he instructs and you do as asked, your palm coming to rest on the strong muscle.

He’s only slowed danced once before at a family member’s wedding where his mother taught him how to, with her as the teacher. Back then he thought it was incredibly ridiculous, but now he’s sort of glad that happened because he’s the teacher now and you’re now looking at him with your big eyes as you sway alongside him.

You clear your throat, “This isn’t that hard.” Jungkook nods as he stares down at you, noticing how uneasy you are given that you’re looking at everything and not entirely immersed in the moment.

“You look beautiful tonight.” He says out of nowhere, making you look at him like a deer stuck in headlights, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He had never called you that before.

An awkward laugh escapes your lips, looking away from his intense gaze as you try not to take his words too literally, “Ha ha, that was a good one.” To you there’s no other explanation than this being one of his mean pranks on you.

But Jungkook doesn’t falter both his words and gaze, “I’m not laughing.” There’s seriousness in his voice and you have to look back at him again just to make sure he really isn’t, “You look beautiful, just take the compliment.” You nod and there’s silence between you two after that. You’re digesting the romantic lyrics that the singer is talking about and hope that the song ends soon, because you’ve never been this close to him and it’s starting to feel too crowded.

You clear your throat, “So…”

“So…,” he repeats.

“What are you doing for summer?” You ask him in an attempt to break the tension and wanting to take advantage of the little intimate moment since Jungkook rarely ever lets you pry into his private life.

“I think I’ll train before heading off,” he answers. It was more than obvious he was going to earn that sports scholarship he had been aiming for, he was one of the best athletes on the school; though you considered him to be the number one between them all. “I’m kinda scared, not gonna lie.”

You look at him with surprise, tilting your head to the side, “You’re scared?” You ask in disbelief because as long as you’ve known him, he’s never been scared of anything. This is the same kid who instilled your fear of monsters in a closet after watching Monster’s Inc. together, also the same kid who helped you get over it after he realized you had actually taken it seriously.

He chuckles lightly, “Yeah, I’m just scared about starting over.” It’s interesting how his biggest fear is the one you’re looking forward to the most, but you suppose it’s fitting for someone who has never had to worry about what people think of him. In this town, Jungkook has swam freely without any concerns. Out there, he’s just another fish in the big and scary ocean. “Aren’t you?” He questions, hoping that you’re able to relate to what he’s feeling.

“Honestly, I—“

You’re interrupted by Jaehyun clearing his voice in front of you two, making you both turn your heads towards his direction. You quickly separate from Jungkook and he feels his body lose the warmness you were providing.

“If you wanted to dance, you could’ve just asked. I’m your date after all.” He says smugly and you chuckle awkwardly, nodding because he’s right.

Jungkook wants to punch his stupid face, how dare he interrupt you both when he had been ignoring you the whole night? Why does he suddenly want to dance with you when he’s probably still upset at him for asking Jinsoul to the prom before he could?

“Your date’s looking for you, buddy. She doesn’t look too happy.” Jaehyun adds with a smirk as he takes your hand in his and drags you away from Jungkook towards another place on the dancefloor.

He’s left to stare at the way he holds your hand, and he only hopes he’s doing it ever so carefully.

You’re twenty when Jungkook sees you for the first time since you both left for college two and half a years ago. He’s rendered speechless when he spots you in the crowd, there’s a manly hand around your waist as you giggle into the stranger’s mouth before placing a kiss to his lips.

There’s only so much social media can provide him, pictures and stories aren’t enough for Jungkook to keep up with you. He thinks you’ve changed, not only appearance wise but you seem way more outgoing, carefree, and happy. Did he miss the boyfriend announcement picture? He’s sure he didn’t, he checks your profile almost every day and he’s never even seen him in any of your stories.

A gasp escapes your lips once you spot him, completely forgetting about the possibility of bumping into him given that both your schools were playing against each other that night. You tell Namjoon you’ll be right back and he nods, going back to a conversation with the group of college friends you had made.

You surprise him by jumping into him, arms around his shoulders as you hug him from behind. You let out a shrill of excitement and he blushes as his friends chuckle at the unexpected approach from this unfamiliar girl.

‘‘Jungkook! You didn’t tell me you’d be here,’’ you say once he turns around to face you and he’s able to see you better upfront. You look beautiful and he thinks the Instagram pictures are not doing you enough justice. You’re glowing, and it has nothing to do with the highlighter you applied on your face and collarbone area.

The both of you aren’t able to properly talk until you suggest moving to a different area, Jungkook apologizing to his friends as he explained he needed to catch up with an old friend. They don’t complain and instead shoot him teasing looks and small pervy comments that go by unnoticed to you.

Jungkook listens with intent to your ramble about what you’ve been up to. From your courses, to your roommates, the parties you’ve attended, and even the fact that you handle your alcohol better now. He’s happy that you seem so too, but it irks him that you hadn’t been capable of telling him that you had a boyfriend now. Is there a reason as to why you omitted that important piece of information?

‘‘And what about you? How’s college?’’ You ask with curiosity.

He blinks a few times, realizing you had stopped talking about yourself and was now wondering about him instead. ‘‘It’s fine,’’ he answers with a tight lipped smile, the lack of detail compared to you was astonishing, but even though you were still hungry for more you decided not to pry any further.

There’s fear in revealing that he’s been having a hard time catching up with the rest of his peers. College was indeed fine, but it could be better. He’s settled with the idea that this is as good at it’ll get, some things just aren’t like you expect them to be. At least you’re happy, and that fact brings him comfort.

‘‘Was that your, uhm─boyfriend?’’ He finally asks after a while, both about to head back to your respective group of friends.

The question takes you by surprise, looking at him with raised eyebrows and mouth agape. ‘‘Who? Namjoon?’’ He nods, though he doesn’t know anything about the guy he had first seen you with. You let out a wholehearted laugh, ‘‘Hell no, too many commitment issues with that one,’’ you answer and Jungkook’s forehead creases with confusion.

Why were you kissing him then?

‘‘We’re friends with benefits,’’ you inform him as if you had read his mind. ‘‘He’s a nice guy, though. Also, super smart, he’s helped me with a few of my─’’

‘‘You’re not a virgin anymore?’’ He abruptly asks, disbelief in his tone as he internally screams to himself for thinking out loud. Jungkook expects you to berate him about such an imprudent question, but is surprised when he sees you giggling.

‘‘Duh, silly. I think I lost it freshman year?’’ The carelessness in your voice makes him look at you like you’ve gone crazy. Why are you so lax about this? Why are you telling him about losing your virginity without a care in the world? ‘‘Anyway, are you going to be home for the─’’

Jungkook interrupts you once again, ‘‘Was it with your boyfriend at the time?’’ He asks in genuine curiosity and you sigh, rolling your eyes slightly at him.

‘‘No, it was some random dude at this party I went to. Could you please─’’

‘‘Y/N, are you insane? Why would you give up your virginity to some fucking stranger like it’s nothing?’’ Jungkook’s voice raises as he scolds you about being so negligent about yourself, ‘‘You can’t do shit like that!’’ He fumed, making you let out a breathless chuckle.

‘‘Could you stop treating me like a fucking child for once in your life? I’m perfectly fine, Jungkook. I’ve been doing pretty well for myself without you here, actually. I don’t know why you think you have a say on what I do, is it the entitlement you have of me that you still carry around because we grew up together? Because if that’s it then you can drop it, I let go of my little girl who wanted a friend and was treated like pure shit in return complex a long time ago.’’

He knows you’re right, but he thinks he’ll always have this odd sense of protection over the five year old girl who cried to his mom about not lending her his favorite toy. He’ll always want to apologize to the eight year old girl who declared her love for him with a Valentine’s Day card while he ended up breaking her heart in exchange. He’ll always wish to look for help within the twelve year old girl who witnessed him give out his first kiss to another girl who he didn’t even like. He’ll always feel guilty towards the sixteen year old girl who had gotten tipsy on a spiked fruit punch and crashed on his bed. He’ll always hate himself for not asking the seventeen going on eighteen year old girl to prom when he knew he could’ve, but chose not to in fear of ruining your friendship.

You only wanted someone to be there for you growing up and Jungkook had never been the brave boy you thought he was, always running from his fears in hopes he’d have a wide advantage margin from them. Yet here they are, standing right in front of him in the form of a twenty year old you, and they’re there to let him know that you’ve never needed him, yet he’s always needed you.

He can’t even apologize, he only looks at you with wide eyes as he fidgets in his place. Either you’re both too old now to understand each other or you just realized that you’ve outgrown Jungkook.

Your mouth set in a hard line as you crossed your arms, the night’s breeze feeling colder than usual. ‘‘I miss you Jungkook, but I can’t keep playing this cat and mouse game with you any longer.’’

You leave him behind to go back to Namjoon’s arms, seeking refuge in his sweet embrace as you try your hardest to put on practice what you learned all those years ago when Jungkook broke your heart for the first time, you should be used to it by now.

You’re twenty-one when you’re back in your hometown to attend the funeral of the old lady down the street, the one that always scolded you and Jungkook growing up.

You had been scared of her as a child, but always following along your friend’s footsteps when he proposed playing around her garden. It tugs at your heartstrings even if you hadn’t known the woman well. Her death was imminent seeing as she’d been ill for quite some time.

A taller figure stands next to you as you both stand way in the back of the ceremony. He looks tired and you figure that it’s because of the fact he arrived late into the night, you heard his car’s engine from your bedroom window. Dressing in all black, you notice he bought a new suit. You’re sure that the one he wore for prom no longer fits considering he’s bigger now.

You haven’t talked to each other since last year when you both left off on a sour note. The hurt you felt was no longer present, though. You chewed on your bottom lip as you thought of a way you could talk to him again without making things awkward, but you let out a small gasp once he placed his arm around your shoulders, giving it a small squeeze as he sighed and kept his focus on the service.

Watching the casket be lowered into the ground felt weird. She was a human being just like you, but her existence was a reminder of your childhood. Would it be okay to say that her death meant a part of you leaving with her too?

Once it hits you, it’s Jungkook who consoles you by hugging you tight. Your eyes are too blurry with tears for you to realize this is one of those rare moments where he’s holding you close without hesitation. He lets you ruin his tuxedo’s jacket with your mascara covered tears as he brushes your hair as a sign of comfort.

You know things are back in order when he proposes the idea to go back to the old lady’s porch, for old times sake. ‘‘Will we ever let her rest?’’ You ask him with a small laugh as Jungkook sits on the doorsteps of the old lady’s empty home, opening the bag of candy worms he bought at the grocery store.

He shrugs, ‘‘She loved us, always told my mom how much she missed us running around the street.’’ The revelation makes you smile, hoping it was true. He pats the empty space next to him, indicating for you to fill it up with your presence. Once you do, you feel the familiar warmth of his proximity.

Jungkook seems different and you only hope he’s changed for the best.

‘‘When are you going back?’’ You ask him with curiosity, hoping that he’ll be in town for a few more days so you can catch up with him on a better note this time around.

He munches on one of the snacks, ‘‘Tomorrow morning, I have training camp and can’t miss it.’’ His answer makes you sigh with disappointment, but you nod nonetheless. ‘‘What about you?’’ He asks in return, and you inform him that you’ll stay for a few more days to spend time with your family. There’s silence after that and Jungkook can only offer you the gummy worms in the bag, you take one with a small thanks.

‘‘College fucking sucks,’’ he says out of nowhere and it makes you look at him in bewilderement, ‘‘I hate it there, I wanna drop out so bad. But I’m a year away from graduating so it’s too late now.’’ You see his shoulders visibly relax, like a weight had been lifted off them. ‘‘Plus my mom would kill me if I do so,’’ he adds with a chuckle.

Last time you asked everything was fine. Had things changed or had they always been this way and he was just now being honest with you?

You rest your head on his shoulder and focus all of your undivided attention on him as he keeps rambling about what his life has been ever since he left this town. He’s had bad games, bad grades, and bad girls. But he’s also had incredible games, good grades, and a couple great hookups, and yet he still feels empty, it’s not enough.

‘‘I miss you,’’ he mumbles as he faces you, ‘‘I’m sorry for being such a shitty friend, you deserved better.’’ His apology is genuine and you can feel it in the way his voice trembles, sincerity has always scared him after all.

Jungkook’s never known when the time is right, and he misjudges the look on your face. When he leans down to press his lips against yours, he’s blinded for a mere moment into believing that you wanted to kiss him just as much as he had been waiting.

You abruptly separate from him with wide eyes and parted lips, ‘‘Jungkook, I’m─I’m dating Namjoon now.’’ He can physically feel his heart shatter, the revelation coming out like an old newspaper headline he should’ve read a long time ago.

He lets out a breathless chuckle, ‘‘He got over the commitment issues?’’ The rhetorical question is bitter.

You scoff, ‘‘And what about it? I preferred to wait than to rush into getting my heart broken.’’ Plus it’s not like you were expecting Namjoon to grow feelings for you, the whole no strings attached arrangement was named that way for a reason.

Jungkook looks at you with narrowed eyes and he shakes his head sightly. Old habits never die down, still so stubborn and challenging as ever.

He’s startled as you stand abruptly, fuming as you look at him, ‘‘I don’t even know why you care! Did you forget that you threw my Valentine’s Day card into the trash? Or that you kissed Yeji in front of my face? Or that you let Taehyung date me as prank between your friends? Or that you were making out with Eunha while Jimin kept giving me alcohol? Or that you asked Jaehyun to take me to the stupid prom even though I was perfectly fine going without him or anyone for that matter?’’

‘‘We were just kids!’’ Jungkook argues back at you.

‘‘It still fucking hurt,’’ you counter, ‘‘still hurts, actually. You think that by giving me a measly apology and kissing it better I’ll suddenly forget about all of it?’’ Jungkook knows it won’t ever make up for all those years, but he had at least hoped you’d be willing to give him a chance.

He wishes he could say something else. Explain that he had just tried to protect you in his own shitty way from everyone else or himself maybe, he doesn’t know anymore. He wants to speak up again, but there’s disappointment written all over your face, you’re not angry at him...just saddened.

‘‘Hope you have fun at your training camp.’’

Jungkook watches as you leave him sitting by himself on the old lady’s doorstep. A hand runs through his hair as he feels his eyes water, and he can almost hear a whisper in the wind that asks him why he didn’t stop you when he could’ve.

Jungkook didn’t think that his family coming together with yours for Christmas dinner would’ve been a great idea. You’re cold to him at first and it’s fitting for the winter weather, but as always it only takes for him to sit next to you for things to warm up again.

It’s with the excuse that you’ll run over to your house to grab a new bottle of wine from the kitchen counter that Jungkook trails behind you, both slightly tipsy on the different alcohols your families had offered each other.

Years have passed since he last stepped foot inside your home, you used to visit him more often than he did anyway. It still smells and looks the same; the only difference is that there’s new pictures of you hung up on the walls, updated accordingly to the changes you’ve made ever since you left off for college.

You’re sporting a big smile in all of them, which in exchange makes him copy the action as well. His lack of presence in your life has done you better than compared to when he was around, and if that’s the case, then at least he did something right.

There hasn’t been much said since the beginning of the night, just a simple hey out of courtesy. There’s so much he wants to say, but with no clue where to begin. Another apology is due, though he thinks it’s a little too late for that. He also wants to ask about what you’ve been up to since he last saw you, are you still dating the Namjoon guy you had told him about after he kissed you? If he’s still there, Jungkook rather keep quiet and not wonder out loud to you, he’s sure that it’ll hurt if it’s true.

Growing up Jungkook always mistook your bravery with stubbornness and your courage with relentlessness. You’ve always been challenging, but only because you wanted him to do so too. It’s moments like this that prove him that you’ve always been the stronger between the two.

‘‘So, we’re just gonna pretend like nothing’s wrong between us?’’ You ask, speaking directly to him for the first time that night. It makes him look at you like a deer stuck in headlights, surprised by the sudden question and out of all the years of knowing each other, he feels small under your gaze for once. ‘‘How much time is it going to pass until you want to finally talk things like adults?’’

Jungkook gulps the lump in his throat, his brain quickly thinking of the right thing to say, ‘‘I just wanted to protect you from─’’

‘‘From what? From you? Everytime you’ve done that I end up getting hurt in the end. I’m left to pick the pieces up by myself,’’ you interject with anger in your voice. ‘‘It fucking pisses me off that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you kissing me, I haven’t stopped thinking about you and─’’ A sigh, you close your eyes to center yourself again as Jungkook waits for the final blow, ‘‘and you look like none of this has ever bothered you in the slightest because, you don’t really care about me do you?’’

‘‘I do care about you.’’ He’s sure about it, even though he’s been extremely bad at showing it.

Even though your eyes are threatening to spill tears, you still muster up the last bit of what’s left of your courage to step closer to him until you’re a few inches away. ‘‘Prove it, then. Show me that you care.’’

His brain is sent into quick overdrive due to your close proximity. There’s a slight hesitation because he only hopes that what he’s about to do is what you’re demanding him to prove. He doesn’t care if you’re still dating the Namjoon guy because he’s settled with the idea that it’s okay if you don’t correspond, it’s not like he did the same to you when you were both younger.

Once his lips press against yours, there’s no turning back. He’s waiting for you to push him back and let him know that your heart’s still taken, but you kiss him with such fervor that he knows in that moment that you’re right, it’s better to wait than to rush right in.

It’s no fairytale kiss, though. There’s desperation in the way you chase his lips, as if you were to slow down he’d find a way to escape from you. You grip the cotton material of his crewneck into your small fists, holding on to the fabric like your life depended on it. The small kiss you had both shared last year was nothing compared to this, and Jungkook’s taken aback by your neediness.

He doesn’t know how you manage to drag him to your childhood bedroom without missing a beat, only separating once you both realize you need to catch your breaths, and even then Jungkook can’t have a minute to take just happened in because your lips attach to his neck to get more of a taste. His fingers curled around your arm, sighing at the way your kisses felt like electricity on his skin.

‘‘Y/N,’’ he calls your name out in a breathy tone, but you’re too immersed in your little bubble to even realize it.

Jungkook groans when you bite into the skin of his neck, then blowing over the red mark as you kissed it better. It’s going to be bruise and he doesn’t like when that happens, but he’s not bothered at all if it comes from you. He forcibly grabs your chin so you can face him, looking at him with big eyes, a small pout, and with your chin messed with drool.

It’s then that Jungkook kisses you hungrily, making you feel like you’re in a dream-like state, though you could partially blame the Christmas eggnog for that. The way he bites at your lips and how your tongues clash together is an extreme juxtaposition as to how you could describe this moment. It’s as if you’re floating on air, clouds surrounding you in a heavenly embrace, angels singing in the background every time his hands touch, grab, hold and caress every part of your body. And yet, even with such a difference, it’s perfect because it’s Jungkook. You’ve been waiting for this too long, which is why your hands creep beneath his crewneck, touching his tonified abdomen tentatively and enjoying the way goosebumps arise on his skin at the sensation of your fingers trailing patterns wherever they caress.

It’s only fair that he pays attention to yours as well. Jungkook’s lips trail from your mouth onto your jawline, planting wet kisses on each space until he begins sucking on the skin of your neck, making you moan in the process. He chooses then that his new favorite sound is the way you voice out the pleasure he gives you. ‘‘Hurry up,’’ you say, ridding the bottom of the crewneck higher over his stomach, making him shiver at the sudden change of temperature.

Jungkook chuckles before completely getting rid of the material, ‘‘Calm down,’’ he sighs as he gives you a sweet smile, ‘‘You know our moms could talk forever.’’

You ogle his chest, admiring the way his training camps have obviously done wonders to his body. ‘‘It’s not them I’m talking about,’’ you correct him with a teasing smile that only makes his grin grow wider, chuckling at your impatience. Jungkook lets out a small gasp of surprise when your hands grasp at his shoulder blades, turning him around so you can back him until the back of his knees hit the edge of your bed. It’s funny how he lets himself be bossed around by someone who’s way smaller compared to his frame.

Jungkook finds leverage on his elbows splayed against the mattress, your knees resting on each side of his hips as you leaned into him and kissing him just as widely as you had done before. Jungkook could fill just how quick things were escalating, especially the way his crotch area was beginning to become a problem he couldn’t possibly control at the moment, not with your own being directly on top of it. In any other situation he would’ve apologized with an awkward laugh, but his breath hitches once your hips start grinding over him.

His hands make their way on the inside of your knitted sweater, provoking goosebumps on the exposed skin. You let out a shaky laugh, halting your movements so you can quickly get rid of the fabric as Jungkook’s eyebrows lift in surprise at your haste and then at the sight of your bra covered breasts. His hands are still steadily placed on each side of your waist, only brought up because your own had redirected them over your breasts, hoping he gets the message on what you want him to do now.

Jungkook hesitantly squeezed one of the round globes, provoking a small moan to come from out of your lips. He wishes to hold you as close as he possibly can because the idea of ever being away from you again has been his main fear as of lately. But he refrains, you look so delicate and he feels like you could easily break. He stares at your body lovingly and your cheeks heat up at the way his eyes ogle your chest like a kid in a candy story. You give his arm a light slap and he chuckles, leaning over you to place a passionate kiss on your lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he says frankly. It doesn’t help to dissipate the flush on your face, but the compliment doesn’t bother you in the slightest. Jungkook leans in to trail kisses past your collarbones and into the swell of your breasts, making you bite your lip with anticipation. He looks at you asking for permission and you nod quickly with parted lips as you start to become impatient for him to make his next move. Jungkook lowers the cups of your breasts, freeing your hardened nipples and immediately envelopes one of them with his lips. “Mph—!” A sigh escapes your lips as you try to memorize the way his tongue traces over your tit. He pays attention to your other one, fingers rolling over the bud and pinching ever so often.

You can feel your panties damp by then, trespassing into the fabric of the black leggings you’re wearing over them. Reaching behind your back, you fumble in unclasping the hooks of the now uncomfortable bra. Jungkook’s forced to stop the undivided attention he had places on your breasts to look at you like he’s lost, why are you going so fast?

Once your hands delve with the buckle of his belt, he has to hold on to your wrists with a firm grasp, ‘‘What are you doing?’’ He asks with quick breath, you blink stoically towards him.

‘‘Uh─getting you naked?’’ You answer with a nonchalant tone, but his hands don’t let go and your demeanor changes, ‘‘D-Did you not want this?’’ Your voice turns smaller, embarrassed that maybe you had pressured him into something he didn’t want to participate in.

Jungkook quickly shakes his head no, ‘‘No, I-I do want this! It’s just─you’re going so fast,’’ he tries to explain, ‘‘I’ve been waiting for this for too long, I don’t wanna rush.’’ Your eyes lit up at the revelation as he waits for you to answer back, only for his back to hit the comforter with a small thud, giggling at the way you urgently kiss him again, but this time with much more care.

‘‘Why didn’t you say so before, stupid?’’ You mumble with a sheepish look, ‘‘I thought it was just going to be─nevermind, I need you right now.’’ You have to force yourself from spitting out any details that could possibly ruin the moment between you two, deciding to wait instead for any emotional confessions you want to make.

He switches positions between the two, panting as he brings you down to the mattress and Jungkook can feel the goosebumps on your skin, whether from the coldness of the room or because of the sheer electricity of his hands caressing your body like it was molded just right for him. He dips his hand lower, cupping your clothed heat on his hand. It makes you tremble and you whine, encouraging him to keep going.

“Baby, you’re really wet,” he comments with a teasing tone and you pout at him. His fingers hook into the waistband of your leggings and he pulls them down as he travels with them, greeted by the sight of the damp cloth of your panties. He exhales with content, caressing your thighs in an up and down motion. You twist underneath him and he has to hold your hips down to calm you down, “Patience is a virtue.”

“I’ve been too patient, do some—Ah!” Your whining is interrupted once Jungkook moves your underwear to the side holding it with his free hand, fingers coming to trace the slick covering your pussy lips. He becomes entranced with the transparent gooey liquid, bringing them close to his face as he separates his fingers and sees a strand connecting between them. “Guk-ah, p-please…” Your needy voice brings him back to reality, delving his fingers back into your exposed heat but this time with intent.

Jungkook’s thumb lifts the hood covering your clit, mouth coming down to give it a small tentative kiss. That action alone has you writhing above him, it makes him chuckle to himself as he dives back in. The moans you let out are loud and clear inside your bedroom, thankful that it’s only you and him inside your house. Your hand pulls at his hair, making him groan against you and the vibrations are felt throughout your body, only adding to the euphoric pleasure you already possess. His fingers trace the inside of your thighs until they reach your entrance, circling the fluttering hole which makes you pull at his hair harder and with your other you hold on to the bedsheets of the comforter tightly into your fist.

Jungkook’s tongue is still working your engorged bud, but he focuses his eyes on you as he dips the first finger inside you. “Oh—fuck,” you let out in a breathy moan. He tries to maintain a rhythm between his two ministrations, but it’s hard when he wants to focus on all of them at once. “‘Nother, please,” you begged once he let your clit rest, quickly following your request by adding another into your warm heat. He lets out a breathless chuckle as he notices how easy it is to thrust both fingers inside of you, your whole crotch area is covered in slick and his wet chin is a dead giveaway to where he was seconds ago.

He watches you unravel over him with such adoration, not even his wettest dreams or dirtiest fantasies could prepare him for this. Seven minutes in heaven he plans to stay in forever. “Guk-ah, I wan’ you. I-Inside, please.” You plead with teary eyes, and he slowly stops, removing his arousal covered fingers from inside you as he makes you sigh in the process. He kisses you again and again, your hazy brain is probably hallucinating all of this right now, but damn is it good. You tug at the crewneck he’s wearing, he’s too overdressed for this occasion. He tends to your demands, quickly getting rid of all the layers of clothing that stop him from being inside of you fully.

“I don’t have a—“

“I’m on the pill.”

You both speak at the same time, making each other chuckle. Jungkook gulps at the idea of taking you raw as the first time together, and you salivate at his hardened length; the head already oozing precum out and you want nothing more than to wrap your lips around it and lick the tip up. You’re just about to when Jungkook quickly grabs your wrist to stop you from reaching him, you look up at him with the big sparkly eyes he has loved for too long.

“I just—I wanna be inside you right now,” he sheepishly admits, and you smile with a nod; sharing the sentiment. You back up until your head rests on the pillows comfortably, relaxing into the mattress as you wait for Jungkook to ready himself. He places a kiss on your lips before placing a hand next to your head, using it as leverage above you. His free hand takes his cock and rubs the tip along your folds, making you squirm with anticipation. Jungkook chuckles, “Are you ready?” He asks with a sweet smile.

“I’ve always been,” you whisper, your hand tucking a strand of his long hair behind his ear.

A caress to his cheek as he nods, slowly pushing the head of his dick into you. You bite into your lip hard, it’s been a while since you had sex with someone and Jungkook’s size and girth was different from the rest. Your walls are tight around him and he has a tough time trying to reach the hilt with you squeezing him so hard, “Baby, relax for me.” He pleads and you nod apologetically, breathing in deep as you feel him reach parts inside of you, you didn’t know existed. Once he’s all the way in, he waits for you to give him the go ahead while he presses kisses into your heated cheek. You wrap your legs around his waist and give him a nod, letting him know he was allowed to start thrusting.

Jungkook manages to hit all the right places, keeping a steady pace as he enters and exits you each time. You’re left to moan and writhe underneath him, letting him take you as he pleases. Your kisses become messy, teeth biting into each other’s lips, teeth grazing against each other as you both tried to fight for the dominant position. It’s that heavy makeout that incites you to push at his shoulders, making him turn in his back, exiting you in the process. Jungkook pants, chest rising and falling with quickness as you straddle his lap, arms connecting behind his neck.

“You always want to win, right?” He chuckles with half lidded eyes, enjoying the way your pussy lips grinded over his twitching length. You bat your eyelashes at him, offering him an innocent smile. The same technique that used to get you everything you wanted when you were younger. Same determination as you seek for what’s yours. He’s under you after all, still a victim to your charms.

Jungkook takes the bulbous head of his cock and teases it in your clit, if you weren’t holding on to him tight you would’ve collapsed into his chest. And by the way you moan his name out, he knows you’ll always look for him no matter the weather. “What a pretty girl,” he coos into your hair and you pinch his nipple in retaliation which only makes him groan in return. “My pretty girl.” He states before sinking himself deep into you again, sighing at the feeling of your hips circling over him. His rough hands guide them as you bounce up and down his length, moaning every time you rose and hissing when you came back down.

He makes sure to keep this image engraved on his head forever. Your breasts bouncing over his face, your thighs working extra hard to keep up with his thrusts, and the way your sounds bounced off the walls of your bedroom.

“You’re doing s-so good, baby.” Jungkook praises you, kneading your ass cheek. “Taking my cock s-so well,” he falls into a trance of admiring the way his length would appear and disappear inside of you, covered in a thick layer of your arousal. It makes him drill into you faster, sitting properly against the bed’s headboard as he takes your hips with force. He’s too turned on to keep treating you so delicately, and the way you moan and pant at the increase in speed only lets him know you enjoy him like this way more. “I-Is it good, baby? Am I-I fucking you well?” He asks in between rapid thrusts, your thighs had given out by then.

You nod and a whimper escapes your lips, “Y-yes, Guk-Ah. S-so good, feels amazing.” Your praise is honest, the fucked out tone in your voice is a clear indicator of how well of a job he was doing. A minute longer and you’ll be right on cloud nine, never wanting to come back down. “Wanna cum Guk-Ah, plea—“ There’s no need for you to even finish your sentence because his thumb rubs your clit in figure eights, making you groan with the intensified feeling of his hips circling inside you deliciously. You can almost see the blinding white light ahead as Jungkook kisses you feverishly. You feel tears escape the corners of your high, the familiar feeling tickling inside you as Jungkook’s thrusts don’t let up. ‘‘Ah! Yes, yes, fuck,’’ you cry out once your orgasm hits. Jungkook holds you close to his chest, trying to soothe your shaking body with his arms. Your walls squeeze and relax continuously around him, it serves him as the impulse he needs to chase his own high.

‘‘I love you, Jungkook,’’ you confess in between panting breaths, ‘‘so much.’’

His release shoots out and he groans, digging crescent moons into your hips. You hiss at the sensation, but giggle at how his eyes are screwed shut and brows still furrowed together, as if he was holding on to the last of his orgasm. In reality, Jungkook is just hoping that once he opens his eyes you’ll still be in his arms. Your fingers tilting his head to face you are very much real, he sees spots once he opens his eyes as they adjust to the room’s lighting.

‘‘I love you too.’’ He says with a fixed gaze and you coo at how perfect this is.

You’re twenty-two when Jungkook’s finally yours.

You’re both twenty-three and it’s another weekend spent at his apartment, he’s been playing for three hours now and you’ve given up on having him pay attention to you. Deciding to switch your plan around and join him instead, if only he would let you play.

‘‘Jungkook, you said it was going to be my turn five rounds ago!’’ You complain with a pout, crossing your arms across your chest.

His gaze is still stuck on the T.V screen, ‘‘Baby, shhh, you’re gonna make me lose.’’ He mumbles as he tries to remain concentrated on the game in hand, but he can hear your humph’s from behind him, ‘‘Patience is a─’’

‘‘Virtue, yeah, who cares.’’ You interrupt him with a roll of your eyes, familiar with the saying a little too well. ‘‘Hope you remember that for later tonight,’’ you add in a mumble, but he doesn’t hear it because of the loud sounds coming from the game on the screen.

‘‘What did you say, babe?’’ He asks with a raised brow, hitting the buttons of the controller with expert ease.

‘‘I’ll call your mom and tell her you don’t wanna share.’’ You joke with a threatening voice, but Jungkook knows better than to take your words so lightly. He pauses the game and turns to look at you with an are you serious? expression on his face, you giggle as you’ve finally got what you wanted.

He apologizes by covering your face with kisses, pleading for you not to tell on him with his mom. You promise not to do so this time, knowing that the woman was probably tired of having to scold his son at his big age.

Plus, ever since Jungkook surprised you with the almost exact replica of the Valentine’s Day card you gave him all those year back, you’ve taken advantage to tease him even more knowing he’s at your beck and call. You always remind him that he came close because the stickers he used were not like the ones you had, but he remembered to add the hearts on the I’s so that’s good enough.

‘‘Alright you can play, but━!’’ He says after he finishes his attack of kisses, ‘‘I’ll be your guide, I can’t risk you messing my record up, no offense baby.’’ None taken as you nod excitedly, you’ll always take whatever chance he gives you.

Jungkook’s finally learned how to share his toys after all.

#heartsforbts #bangtanhq #btswritingcafe #jungkook smut #jungkook au #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook scenario #jungkook fic #bts smut #f: year 22

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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago

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The Moment I Knew (Dean Winchester x Reader)

Request: hi! i LOVE ur writing and i’m not sure if requests are open, but i’ll shoot anyways. Could you do a dean x fem!reader where she gets hurt really bad on a hunt and tries to hide it from dean because she thinks he’ll make fun of her or think she’s weak?(enemies to lovers idea ig) and he finds out because she faints in his arms or something and he’s just like so mad at himself for not noticing and he’s really worried about her during the healing process and she’s confused cause she thought he hated her and AH i’m sorry it’s so specific i’m just in a mood🥺❤️ (by @rxvxr), [Supernatural-Masterlist]

Summary: A seemingly easy werewolf hunt got out of hand & left you injured. In order to avoid Dean getting angry at you, you hid your wound from him. It was not as bad as it looked, right?

Words: 1,975

Warnings: language, a little bit of angst, injury, blood, fluff

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

“You’re not coming on this hunt.” Dean stood his ground. Your frustrated groan showed him that you were not giving up that easily.

“Yeah, I am.” you crossed your arms over your chest. He turned around & walked closer to you. His face was way too close but you would not step back.

“You can’t handle this.” he spat out with venom in his voice.

“I’ll be fine, Dean.”

“You’re annoying, do you know that?” he threw his head back in frustration.

“Likewise.” you joked.

“Dude, let her come with us.” Sam joined your conversation, seemingly done with his older brother. “She’s skilled enough. Besides, three people are better than one.”

“Thank you very much, Sam.” your smile only grew wilder when you saw Dean rolling his eyes. Maybe you had not been in this business as long as they had been. But you knew that you were good enough to tag along on a werewolf hunt. After all, you had learned from the best. Sam, you meant. Of course. Dean? Meh, he was alright. But he hated you so you hated him. It was as easy as that.

The hunt was harder than you thought it would be. Werewolves were not that strong usually. But you kind of did not expect three of them to be there. Which left one monster for each of you. How you ended up with the strongest one of them all? You were not quite sure but that asshole landed a few pretty good hits on you. Blocking out everything around you, you hoped the brothers were luckier than you. Right when you wanted to shoot one of your silver bullets, its claws hit you right at your stomach. You groaned at the sting but you were too shocked to really feel the pain just yet. A look down was enough to realize that you had been hit pretty bad. As far as you could tell, there was a lot of blood coming out of you. An awful lot of blood. But if you stopped focusing now then your cause of death would be a werewolf. You needed to focus. Your vision started blurring slightly. A loud gunshot made you flinch. Eyes widened at the now dead werewolf in front of you. Turning around to check for another possible threat, you were only met with a very pissed off Dean. He did not even acknowledge you. Instinctively, you closed your jacket to avoid his disappointed stare. Your wound was not that bad, you would manage just fine. You could deal with your injury back in the bunker.

“So much for you can handle it, huh?” Dean mocked you. Usually, you always had a comeback. Not right now, it seemed. The adrenaline from the hunt had disappeared completely & the only thing you felt was the burning sensation that was caused by your wound. Dean raised his eyebrows when you stayed quiet.

“Dean, let her be. We didn’t expect three of them.” Sam argued.

“Yeah & we handled them just fine. She could’ve gotten herself hurt.” Dean eyed you up & down, shaking his head shortly.

“But I’m fine, Dean.” your voice was more quiet. Something both brothers were not used to from you.

“Great. Then I won’t feel bad when I tell you that this was incredibly stupid. I told you to not come along but no…No, you said you were skilled enough. Skilled enough? That was worse than what an amateur would do, (Y/N). You wanna get yourself killed or what?” his voice raised & your eyes trained on the ground, too embarrassed to look into his green ones anymore. Not even Sam tried to argue with him. He simply went ahead & left Dean & you standing alone.

“I’m sorry.” it was almost inaudible but he heard you clearly due to the calm night in the woods.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, (Y/N).” he scoffed. You waited a few seconds if he had to say anything else. When you were sure that he was done, you wanted to follow Sam back to the Impala. The first step you took brought you dizziness. The second one made dark spots appear. Dean noticed you wavering & when you did not answer after asking if your were okay, he made his way over to you. Right when he reached you, your body was met with darkness. For a second, Dean panicked. But when he felt one of his hands sticky with whatever liquid, he breathed out a quiet “Fuck”. He opened your jacket & saw the three long & deep gashes adorning your stomach. Wasting no time, he picked you up bridal style & ran over to the Impala where Sam was already waiting. All the while, Dean whispered sweet nothings to you. You did not hear it but he needed to say them. More for himself, really.

“What happened?” Sam was just as shocked as his older brother.

“She did get hurt.” the man carrying you explained. “Come on, Sammy. You drive.” he handed Sam the key & got in the backseat with you. Carefully as to not hurt you any more. Putting more pressure on your wound, he hated himself for lashing out at you like that. He simply did not want you to get hurt. Hence why he suggested you staying behind. Well, it was not really suggesting. It was more like forcing you & then, when you did not agree with him, being mad at you. If only you knew why he was acting that way towards you. Tonight, the one thing he did not want to happen happened. You got hurt. Not because you were not strong enough. Dean knew your abilities were similar to theirs. No, you got hurt because he left you out of his sight. Usually, whenever the three of you went on a hunt together, he made sure to keep you close by. Not that he ever admitted it. Sam had picked up on that & teased him like crazy. You, on the other hand, seemed completely oblivious to it all. After all, you hated him, right? Having to look at you like this, it broke his heart. Mainly because Dean blamed himself. If he paid more attention, he could have avoided all of this. After waking up, you would hate him even more & he would not even blame you. He was the one who yelled at you. But wait a second. Why the hell did you tell him that you were fine, when in reality, you were in pain? Your injury was not really a minor one. He instructed Sam to go faster. The sooner you all made it back to the bunker, the better.

Your entire body was on fire when you opened your eyes. Your attempt to sit up was cut short when you felt pain shooting through you. Wincing audibly, you looked down. Only then did you remember what happened. The werewolf hunt. One of them sliced you open with its claws. Dean yelled at you & then? What happened then? You could not recall it. All you knew was that you were back in your own bed in the bunker. The door opened & your head snapped up. Eyebrows furrowed when Dean entered. You expected Sam but Dean? You thought he was pissed off still. If you were honest, it was kind of your fault. If you had told them that you were hurt right away then you probably would not be in this situation.

“Hey.” he whispered even though there was no need to.

“Hi.” you matched his tone, unsure if you were about to experience another scolding from him. Dean walked over to the bed & sat down, careful not to touch you.

“How are you feeling?” he did not look at you which confused you even more.

“Um…Well, I’ll live.” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“Why didn’t you tell me that one of them hurt you?” his eyes locked onto yours & your mouth opened & closed a few times. What could you possibly tell him?

“Didn’t think it was that bad.” that was what you ended up with. A lie.

“Hmm, I don’t believe you. Why didn’t you say anything?” he repeated. Sighing loudly, you thought you would say the truth. It did not matter anyway.

“I didn’t want you to look at me like I’m weak or pathetic.” you looked down at your hands that fiddled in your lap.

“Why would I do that?” he was confused now.

“Well.” you glanced at him again. “You kinda told me to stay behind & I said I’d be fine. Look where that brought me. And I know you sorta hate me so…” you trailed off.

“I don’t hate you.” he wasted no time with his response. You stared at him questioningly & he knew he had to explain himself. “I don’t hate you, (Y/N). I’ve been an asshole, I know that.” you interrupted him briefly.

“Self-reflective, I see.” you teased playfully.

“What I wanna say…I just don’t wanna see you get hurt. And last night showed me that all of this can be over way too soon. I guess I was scared of losing you.” he admitted, watching you closely for your reaction. You were shocked at his statement.

“It takes a lot more to get rid of me, Dean.” you smiled warmly at him. Usually, you would have teased him but he was so serious in this moment, you did not want to ruin it.

“You’re one of the best hunters I know. It could’ve happened to all of us, this werewolf. Man…” he put his face in one of his hands, then chuckled. “I’m really bad at this feelings crap.” you laughed & shook your head at him.

“You’re getting better.”

The following weeks were different. The way Dean acted towards you was foreign to you. The teasing did not stop but you two shared another thing now. Though you had yet to figure out what exactly that was. Dean went out of his way to care for you which, if you were honest, was because of your wound taking an awful lot of time to fully heal. You spent a lot of days in pain that not even pills could numb. Sam was teasing the two & for the first time, you could actually tell that he was. Apparently, you were way too focused on Dean’s “hatred” towards you that you did not notice the younger brother’s teasing. The atmosphere in the bunker was not as tense anymore. The three of you lived comfortably together. Sometimes, you had to stop & think about your journey with Dean. It was actually the plot of a Disney movie. Two people had hated each other (at least they thought they had) until one of them got hurt & the other was scared of losing them. After that, their relationship changed into something way deeper, way more understanding.

“(Y/N)?” Dean entered the kitchen where you were currently sitting with a cup of coffee in your hand. You hummed for him to continue. “You’re still annoying as shit. You know that, right?” you broke out in laughter, Dean joined in a second later. Motioning for the cup you set up for him, he walked over & sat down next to you.

“Hate to break it to you but I won’t change.” you smirked at him.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” he pressed a soft kiss on top of your head & threw one of his arms around your shoulders to pull you closer to his body. Your eyes closed in content. This was where you were supposed to be. In Dean’s arms. And it took you both long enough that you could not live without each other. At least you had each other now. Finally.

Published (04/27/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @hollymac79, @spnbaby-67 (thanks for your support <3)

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neoaevis · 4 years ago

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How Much I Love You/Hate you

Word Count: 2654

Warnings:Smut(Use of the word slut, Boss kink, Over Stimulation, Male and Female receiving, Dom Mark, Pregnant Sex, Office Sex, Unprotected Sex(Don’t forget to wrap it), Cheating,Mentions of the word gold digger , Angst,Violence;punching and mentions of hurtful words(that’s it ig pm me for more)

!! NOT PROOF READ!!

A/N: Hello my dear bbys I finished the second chapter and I really hope y’all like it and just like I said it will be indiv story first and in around the third chapter we will see some interactions between our main characters but well lol depends in what I write, I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I did lol and please don’t hate me if you don’t also don’t copy any of my works,you may also chat me for suggestions or give me some asks of atw with things you are curious about and btw I will open the taglist so send me a message if you wish to be tagged enjoy💋

Chapter II

Day Before Heading To Korea

“That was amazing but can be better” Mark says as he stands up away from the girl that was shaking from the sex they just had. Mark was in a meeting that was honestly really boring when one of the intern that he has been flirting around with started palming him under the table that makes his eyes grow wide and his dick erect, originally he wanted to keep his dick inside his pants but she palmed her faster which made him hornier, so in the middle of the meeting he stood up and made everyone confused from his actions and people asking in small murmurs if something was wrong “Let’s continue this later, lunch break” he said with a loud enough voice.

He walked to the door signaling the girl to follow him into his office once she was inside he locks the door shut pressing the girl’s back to the door “What a fucking slut you are” he said with absolute dominance that makes the girl shiver ” I w-want you sir” she said as he tries to grab Mark’s face to kiss him in which Mark refused “You are not allowed to touch me” he removes his tie grabbing the girl’s hand and tying it hard enough that it will surely bruise, due to Mark’s action she feels her clit’s dripping wetness, Mark started by removing her blouse and tossing it just wherever, seeing the lace underwear she wore his eyes grew full with lust, he went to her neck hungrily leaving small marks as he unclasp her bra, he removes her skirt now carrying her towards the sofa near his table, he opens her legs harshly, rubbing her clit he said “Your this wet, I’ve barely done anything” he grinned, the girl was unable to open her legs from too much pleasure in which Mark reacted to by opening it wider “I’m going to punish you and make sure you will regret what you did” he exclaimed while ripping the girl’s panty, he sucked her clit harshly tightly grabbing her thighs, he then moves his tongue down her entrance which makes the girl release a loud moan, he stops and grabs her neck pulling it towards his face “You’re too loud do you want everyone in the office to know how dirty you are” his statement makes the girl’s voice hitch and even before she can give a reply he gets back to pushing his tongue in her entrance while rubbing her clit with his thumb, the pressure make the girl see stars all over ”I-I I’m cumming sir” she stated stuttering too much, Mark stops the girl felt the emptiness and she whined “You don’t get to cum yet slut” he said, he pulls her hair making her kneel he unbuttons his shirt and unbuckles his belt pushing down his pants with his boxer “Open your mouth” he orders as he pushed her towards his dick deep down enough for her to gag , he went on and on that the girl is now crying from how it’s too much but not wanting to stop as pleasure spreads all over her as Mark felt he was close the sloppier he got in pushing her, so she took the initiative to suck him on her own and not long after he came in her throat, saltiness filling her palate.

He pulls her bending her over his desk, he thrust inside her slowly before he slams harder and deep “S-sir you feel so good” his ego got boosted with her compliment thrusting harshly to make sure she would have a hard time walking and for her to learn her lesson, he grabs both of her boobs pushing her towards him deepening every thrust and soon after the girl clenched around Mark “You’re cumming huh?” “Y-yes” she said and Mark slaps her but really hard “You need to call me sir for you to cum” he said demanding her to follow “Y-ye yes sir please make this slut cum” soon after she cums and after a few more thrusts Mark follows, he gave her three more sharp thrusts befor pulling out.

“That was amazing but can be better” Mark says as he stands up away from the girl that fell down shaking from sex, “Your on the pill right” he inquired remembering he came inside her.

“Oh shit, I-I’m not on the pill sir” she said while she tries to stand up but fail, Mark then removed his tie from the girl and began collecting his clothes putting them back on one by one.

“I will tell my secretary to buy you some plan B make sure to take it” he said as he pulls his tie up signaling he will be leaving already.

“What if I don’ take it” she asked teasingly but Mark did not take it well slamming his palms towards the desk she is leaning to “Why did you fuck me is to get yourself pregnant for money?” he exclaimed, fear has spread across the girl’s face making her feel small.

Mark grabs his check in his desk and wrote 1 million dollars worth of money “Here’s the money so make sure to take it” he throws it towards her face.

“Are you just going to leave me, how about me right now or my panty at least” the girl said feeling pathetic and which Mark replied with a scoff giving her another check worth another million.

“I believe the money is enough now” he said walking away now and stopping before opening the door to say “I don’t care about you, what we did was just sex and nothing more so get out of here as fast as you can” and he left as anger spread all over him.

Flashback to College

Truth be told Mark is actually sensitive about pregnancy topics, there was this girl that he loved so deeply when he was just eighteen years old her name was Mina, he spent his youth loving and protecting her, she was poor unlike Mark which his parent’s disliked and protested that she was only a gold digger that is after his money, Mark even went through extreme lengths for her, from buying her expensive gifts to giving every part of him, even arguing with his parents every day and when she got pregnant when they were twenty he was extremely happy, he thought his life was complete with her not until one day when he went to her apartment he heard moans from her room “God, Mark doesn’t even know what we are doing, fucking around like this” said Mina “He is like a puppy following you around” exclaimed the man “Baby if not for his money I won’t be even fucking him, nor get pregnant plus you’re way better in bed” she said moaning, it made Mark really angry and pained, he slams the door open to which shocked the both of them.

“What the fuck did you just say y-you” he said as his voice breaks from too much pain that the love of his life gave him “Only loved me for money” Mina get’s herself off from the man as she tries to get close to Mark “ Mark no you, you heard wrong, I love you not because of your money” he pushed Mina away as he made eye contact with the guy making him punch him hard releasing all the anger “ I did not hear wrong, how dare you cheat on me” he said eyeing Mina, she begged Mark all over and over and the man she was having sex with said “Just leave that good for nothing asshole Mina” his words made every vein from Mark pop that’s why he punches the guy again and again and again in which the guy returned but Mark was overpowering as he threw more punches, Mina tried to stop them both but she was too weak to stop them soon after he gave the final punch that made the guy fall “I am not good for nothing, in fact I have money which both of you don’t have” he said in the most angry tone he has ever been, Mina and the guy was left shocked with his words they felt very belittle by it “And for you Mina, I loved you and all along my parents were right you are nothing but a gold digger” it made Mina cry even harder, regret filling her all over as she tried to reach Mark only to be pushed away hard enough that her belly hit the side of the bed, soon after that blood filled the room Mark was alarmed remembering his baby so he gave the ambulance a call. When they arrived in the hospital Mina was immediately checked and he found out his baby died his blood and flesh died, regret, blame and all different emotions filled him mostly blaming Mina if she did not cheat on him this will not happen. He left her that day returning to his parents because of how sorry he feels he defended her yet they were right all along, after that Mark has changed he no longer is the bubbly and friendly Mark he became a bad boy fucking every single girl not caring about them at all or would have a girlfriend but would cheat on them on multiple occasions, no relationship after Mina lasted as he thought all people care about is money not how he feels.

Day Before Heading To Korea

Walking he saw his secretary slash friend Taeil he immediately orders him to buy the plan B for the girl he just banged or just anything to prevent her from getting pregnant “Sir why do you fuck girls when you don’t want them to get pregnant” his secretary exclaimed “Come on Taeil don’t play innocent who knows you might’ve banged as much as I did or even more” he said teasing him to which Taeil returned with a huge shake of his head “Nope,nope I’m not like you and never will, well infact I am getting married soon” Mark was shocked not really believing Taeil so he slapped his arm “Your jokes are getting better” he laughed while Taeil had a straight face “Im not kidding my girlfriend really said yes and we are getting married” Mark stopped laughing with a face of disbelief that made Taeil chuckle now “Your gonna settle with someone now?” he questions “Hahaha Mark yes I am” he pats Mark’s shoulder “Wow, why is everyone around me getting married, you should know that the single life is way better” he said while clicking his toungue “Being single is indeed better, but when you love someone you would prefer to be with them every minute and every second and then it would be better for you because you love each other” he said lovingly making Mark laugh “You are madly in love hyung” he laughs “I bet when you meet your match you will also be madly in love with her” Mark shook his head showing a big X sign with his arms “Loving someone crazily will only kill you ,plus I know for sure all they want from me is my money” he said protesting and Taeil gave him a comforting smile before he turns his back to return to work.

Mark headed to the rooftop to get some fresh air while doing so he reminisce his past about Mina and Taeil’s words about him finding true love, discovering that there is indeed a part of him that wants to meet someone that loves him for him and not his money but before he could think more he shrugs it off and in que his phone rings and the caller was his Dad, he answers the phone.

Dad : “Son how have you been there in Canada?” his father questions with a giddy tone

Mark: “Here alive and well” he answers bluntly

Dad: “That’s good, how about the company is it doing well?” he questions further

Mark: “Of course it’s doing exceptionally well, is that all you have to ask” he ask as he sense there is something more with his phone call

Dad: ” Well uhm son I need you to come to Korea asap” he said as he cleared his throat

Mark: “How about our company here, it needs me dad” he said, but actually deep down he is not ready to come back to Korea because coming back means revisiting his past.

Dad: “I already fixed that, your brother is coming to Canada to manage the company”

Mark: “But Dad I’m not really sure I actually don’t want to go back”

Dad: “Look Mark, honestly I wanted to ask you kindly first to hear your first reaction but I just want to inform you that even if you say no, I want you to come home here as soon as you can”

Mark: “Dad but I- I ok fine yes I will come go to Korea as soon as I can but do I just leave?”

Dad: “Yes Mark and starting the day you come back here you will manage the company in Korea plus you need to attend a charity ball this week Saturday”

Mark: “ Ok Dad I get it” he said with a defeated tone

And his Dad hangs up, he doesn’t really want to go and feels very hesitant having an inner conflict with himself, his phone rang again and the caller this time is Taeil telling him to get back to the meeting as lunch break was already over, he endured several more meetings after another until it was finally over to signify his day will finally end. He went back to his office massaging the temples of his forehead as he sat down to think about the many things that bothers him, he then pages for Taeil through his phone, Taeil rushed to see him asking what are his orders for him, Mark stood up and told Taeil “Book me a flight to Korea tomorrow” Taeil took note of it as schok embodied him “Tomorrow sir? And Korea?” he knows that Mark hates Korea for the reason behind it being Mina but he repeated “Yes tomorrow to Korea also you are coming with me” he said as he grabs his things preparing to leave work “B-but sir why shall I come with you and how about my wedding?” he inquires worriedly “It’s part of your job as my secretary and as for you wedding if your soon to be wife loves you so much she can wait oh and make sure it’s a one way ticket” Taeil was very schoked with Mark’s action but before he can speak up more Mark was waves him goodbye making his exit.

The next day Mark woke up with a not so good mood, he made his secretary Taeil pack for him and for which Taeil cursed him for, after packing they head in to his car to drive to the airport Mark tried to get some sleep but he can’t seem to get some with all the flashback memories filling him, they arrived in the airport, checked in and headed to the first class seats of the plane, the whole plane ride was spent with drinking, sleeping and eating for he past 15hrs and after all that has passed he finally hears the flight attendant proclaim” Flight #127 to Seoul South Korea has now landed” and there he was in the land he long abandoned, the land filled with bright yet devastating memories, he shut his eyes preparing himself, as he finally left the plane he feels the jet lag kicking and decided to go to his parents house, just as he thought everyone was asleep due to the very dim lighting he was surprised by his parents with a huge “WELCOME HOME” banner, and he thought to himself “This is it Mark you are really here”.

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct mark #nct smut #nct angst #nct mark smut #mark lee smut #mark lee angst #nct fanfic #nct 127 smut #richkid #neosmutcollective #kpopcatalog

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astroninaaa · 3 years ago

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Scar Tissue

i wrote this very sad c!beeduo fic but it’s not good enough to be posted on ao3 so i’m posting it here <3 tw for like mentions of blood and maybe self-hatred and just like. a panic attack ig? kinda? and i haven’t even reread this so it’s probably mess oof! anyways

HELLO this has been rewritten and posted to ao3. you can read it here

Tubbo doesn’t think he’ll ever be more than scar tissue. Scar tissue, an old piece of leather you’re too attached to and can’t manage to get rid of, a favorite toy that lost its shine, used gunpowder. Scar tissue, remnant of something once essential but now useless that you can’t quite leave.

Tubbo told his husband of his execution more times than he was able to count. Exchanged whispers in the middle of the night, meaningful conversation on the roof of the mansion, sunset watching after painful conflict, raw throat after panic attacks, warm arms and loving eyes and saddened reassurances. A part of him was always glad Ranboo forgot in the morning. Another part of him wanted to pull his skin off until there was nothing left but blood and broken pieces, something akin to what he really was under smiles and empty promises.

He’s a compulsive liar, he knows it. Be it about inconsequential or actually important things, he’ll find a way to lie: no, I haven’t seen Jack this week. Yes, I got Michael’s favorite chocolate from the store. I had steak today. I don’t know where your armor is. I don’t mind. It’s okay. They don’t hurt anymore.

Tubbo isn’t sure why. Why does he lie, that is. Maybe it’s a learned habit, months of lying to guarantee his own safety bleeding through his fingers and staining his already tainted skin, or maybe it’s just for fun. Maybe he’s just fucked up like that. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Tommy never mentions it, so maybe it’s for the best.

Yet he can’t lie. Not to Ranboo, not during the thousandth time he finally gathers enough courage to ask about the scars that cover his body and make it unlovable, because he has lied about it too many times and tonight Michael showed him a drawing he made of his parents and there was an ugly pink blotch painted over his face and the sight made him burn all over again. Michael would never know unscarred, un-sad, not unlovable him, and that hurt.

So for the first time in months — hell, years, even —, Tubbo cries. He falls into the love of his life’s embrace and lets his body break into wet sobs and he lets Ranboo pick up the pieces and he can’t quite breathe but he can’t quite lie, either.

“I’m tired, I’m so tired,” he whimpers, holding onto the tall enderman with a death grip, “I always say it doesn’t matter. I say it’s okay. I say I’m over it, I say it wasn’t that bad.”

He sobs.

“It was, Ranboo. It was that bad and it still hurts and I can’t—,” he chokes on the words, desperate tears leaving his eyes as he can’t breathe can’t breathe can’t breathe

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay.”

“I just want it to matter,” he sobs again and Ranboo holds onto him just as strongly, heart beating forcefully, “I want it to matter. I want people to look at me and I want them to be sorry, Ranboo. I want their pity. I crave it. I thought I was above that. I’m not. I’m really not. I wish—” his voice broke at the end, emotion over every bit of it, “I wish people cared about me in the way they care about Tommy. I wish they’d tell me to go to therapy, too. I wish they knew— I don’t have thick skin. I’m weak and pathetic and sad and broken and it hurts.”

“You’re not weak or pathetic, my love,” the enderman whispers and it’s supposed to be comforting but it only makes him cry harder, “you’re incredible, and beautiful, and strong, so strong.”

“But I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be strong, Boo. It’s tiring. I don’t want it anymore. I want— I want to be like Wilbur’s old teacups, the ones we are too careful with because we’re afraid they’ll break.”

He pauses.

“Is that selfish? Am I being selfish, Boo? Is it selfish to want everyone to be careful with me, too? Is it too much? Should I—”

“It’s not selfish,” Ranboo interrupts, fingers weaving through his husband’s hair lovingly. His words are wet with heartbreak, hurt poisoning his bones as he saw the one he loved most finally break in front of him. He should’ve known better, should’ve noticed faster. “You’re not selfish, Bo. You could never be selfish. You’re the best person I know.”

“I just wish,” Tubbo sniffs quietly, chest finally starting to rise and fall somewhat consistently, hyperventilation slowly dissipating at the relaxing pressure of fingers on his scalp, “I just wish I could be sad without feeling guilty over it. I wish I could not be okay, and for that to be okay.”

“It is okay,” Ranboo lets his nails scrape lightly at the nape of his neck and he sighs in relief, “it is okay, love. It’s okay.”

“I want to be okay, too. Someday.”

“You will. You will be, I promise. We’ll be okay together.”

“You’ll be okay with me?”

“As long as you have me.”

“I’m okay with that, I guess. That’s okay,” Tubbo’s voice is weak, resting his head on the enderman’s chest, tears slowly drying. “That’s okay.”

#tubbo #ranboo #dsmp #dream smp #dsmp fics #kinda #angst! nice!#i think it sucks honestly #i COULD post it to ao3 maybe but i like my ao3 stuff to be good yk #so <3 #wrote it while listening to my most heartbreaking playlist #we love to see it #might post it to ao3 maybe at some point

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lady-literature · 4 years ago

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no point wishing on stars

aka the jasonette aladdin au literally no one asked for

This is a great big amalgamation of semi-canon miraculous, batman and a heavy dose of bastardized Aladdin but here we go-

The story goes like this:

Jason is our beloved street rat turned prince Boy Wonder and billionaire’s son (not that he’s gotten that far yet).

Marinette is Ladybug, is the Guardian, is our modern-day Jasmine. She’s next in line after Fu to lead the Order, which, I suppose, is like High Royalty for superheroes/magic users.

But before she can take her rightful place, she needs a partner by her side. It’s so stupid rule that says she, as a Ladybug, needs a Black Cat by her side in order to be properly balanced.

The only problem is, she doesn’t want one. Or, well. More accurately, it’s that she doesn’t like the ones offered to her, and she doesn’t quite like the idea of being tied to someone she barely knows, especially not at fourteen.

There have been many Black Cat candidates to cross her path but there has been only one she did not immediately veto. Adrien Agreste may be a Black Cat, but he cannot be hers. He will never be anything more than her dearest brother, and that is not what Creation needs.

Creation and Destruction—life and death—have a certain type of relationship. They are lovers, mated and married in every meaning of the word.

And, for as much as she loves and adores Adrien as her brother in her soul, they will never be like that. She will never want him the way she must should he take up Destruction.

So yeah. Marinette has a problem. And yeah, she has some time to figure it out, but the Order is looking to have her figure it out sooner rather than later. Adrien is a good place holder for now, but if Marinette doesn’t choose a Black Cat by the time she’s twenty-one, Adrien will either have to do, or she forfeits her crown and the Ladybug miraculous (which she would never do, she loves her people and Tikki too much to ever do that).

(wait? Does this mean I made Adrien the human equivalent of Raja?… yes. Yes it does.)

And, to spice this up just a bit more, let’s say Hawkmoth is Jafar, yeah? This little shit is really trying to push his son to be the next Black Cat because he wants power what’s best for his son. So he be out here sabotaging potential Black Cats because he’s an asshole his son is the best candidate at the moment. He could give less than two shits about if Mari and Adrien actually like each other that way, he will shove his son at her until she has no choice but to choose him.

Anyway, so Mari leaves the temple one day. Which is fine, she’s not trapped there or anything, she can come and go as she pleases! (she may have to normally take someone with her and is currently ignoring that rule perhaps, but that’s besides the point!)

So she’s at a market in Gotham, strolling down the street, having a good time enjoying being around normal people, when she notices a boy getting into some trouble.

(I’ll give you three guesses as to who it is and the first two don’t count.)

Jason was stealing from market vendors because the hubbub of the street is distracting and nicking a few scraps here and there is practically child’s play. Only, he miscalculates.

One vendor was paying more attention than he thought.

Mari’s across the street and sees the whole thing. Sees the vendor grab Jason’s hand in a bruising grip and snarl in his face.

She’s in between the pair before she even realizes it, mouth already opening around some made-up story about ill-advised dares and how ‘it won’t happen again, sir’ and ‘here, I’ll pay for that right now, no harm done!’

Jason stares at her utterly baffled and, thankfully, silent until after she’d already grabbed his hand and pulled him away.

Only, she pulls him away down the wrong alley. (Look. Mari’s a real sweet-talker and knows how to smooth ruffled feathers, but she is hardly street smart.)

Jason swears, and it’s the first words she’s heard him speak, and then it’s him tugging her along. Up a fire escape and over the rooftops because Jason likes to think he’s tough, but there’s no way he’s picking a fight with five guys bigger than him and wearing masks.

He likes to keep his heart beating more than he wants to keep his pride unharmed thank you very much.

They end up on a rooftop, panting and like, seven blocks away. Marinette is now very lost and with a strange boy who she doesn’t know. He seems… nice, and she’s a good judge of character, but that doesn’t mean much when they’re still very much strangers.

But then the two just look at each other and suddenly they’re both laughing.

And that, my friends, is the start of a beautiful friendship.

***

During those first few months, she and Jason just seem to click.

Mari starts leaving the temple more and more to meet up with Jason, and on more than one occasion dragging behind her a picnic basket bigger than her. (it’s stupid to let one of her friends starve just because he’s too prideful to take her food. So she plans lots of picnics for them both, and pointedly ignores the way he eats and hoards most of the food she brings.)

He is her friend—though she would be lying if she said she didn’t like him a bit more than what one would consider friendly.

And Jason, who is funny and kind and made sharp by the life he’s been forced into, likes her right back. She is one of the few great parts of his life, a bright spot in the darkness he has called his world for so long, and there are few things he wouldn’t do for her.

It’s… scary—just a bit—how important she is to him.

He tries not to think about it too much.

And it doesn't really matter anyway, because she is good and bright and amazing and he is… there’s nothing he can give her in return. Nothing good, anyway.

She deserves someone better. Someone who could buy her things as pretty as her and take her nice places.

Someone who isn’t a street rat.

And then he learns she’s Ladybug, right up there with Wonder Woman and Robin and all the other amazing people set on saving the world, and he feels he got that much farther from her. How can he ever compare?

Jason doesn’t wish, because wishing is childish and he learned too young that shooting stars don’t exist and he’s come to terms with the fact that this is his life years ago, all right? He doesn't need the burden of hope to weigh him down now.

(but perhaps, deep down, tucked away in the corner of his heart, there might be a thought. Small and scared and aching, he might think, ‘if only I could be there with her, if only i could fly with her, maybe then I’d be enough’)

Six months after he meets Marinette, Jason comes across the Batmobile.

His first thought is, this can’t be real.

His second is, I could buy Mari a real birthday gift with this.

His third thought is less of a thought because he’s already got two tires off by that point and then suddenly Batman is there and Jason is swinging his tire iron.

This then leads—somehow—to him winding up at Wayne Manor with Bruce Wayne and then he learns about Batman and Robin and he gets to be Robin and-

(and what else is a Robin meant to do but fly?)

It’s too good to be true. Wishes don’t come true and good things don’t happen to him unless their name be Marinette but… but Jason’s here and it’s not a dream. He’s no prince but, well… he thinks this might just be as close as you can get.

And, okay. He really does try with the whole secrecy thing, because he can understand why that’s important but, I mean… it’s Marinette, who is Ladybug. There really was never any chance of Jason keeping that particular secret, Batman or no Batman.

And about,,, two years pass like this ig. Mari is almost seventeen now, and Jason turned seventeen recently and the pair are getting closer and closer every day. They’re toeing the line of ‘more than friends’ but neither have really taken that next step.

The pressure is on Mari from the Order because she’s getting older and as much as she likes Jason, knows him but he isn’t a good candidate for Destruction and Mari must think of her people first.

Jason doesn’t get to be hers to keep and that aches but what else is she meant to do? She cannot—does not—want to change him in any way. So they stay, in their strange little limbo, with neither making a move.

And then, the unthinkable happens.

Hawkmoth hears of the boy finally, and is, obviously, furious.

He doesn't care if this boy can be a Cat or not, he’s going to ruin all his plans. So, there’s only one solution. He needs to get rid of him.

(i’ll give you three guesses as to how and the first two don’t count!)

Robin—Jason—dies, and Marinette feels when he does. She doesn’t know why or what happened, but the moment he leaves the world her blood turns cold and she feels sick.

Jason hasn’t even looked at the ring and already Marinette could feel the thread that had begun to tie them together. When she hears of his death—when she learns that he’s gone—Marinette shatters.

She shatters and cries and the world tips just a little, with the force of her sorrow, with the agony of her screams.

(justice is blind, yes, but is she deaf? Can she deny the sobbing of such a being as Creation herself? Can she stand, unfeeling, before the agony she has wrought?)

Marinette does not bring Jason back to life… but she has done something close. Has opened the possibility. Is, perhaps, the reason that six months later he screams and claws and drags himself from his own grave.

He is wrong wrong wrong, but he is also alive.

The league finds him, as they must. And Talia throws him into the pits, as she must. And Jason is reborn, screaming and angry and violent, as he must.

Marinette had known, Before, that Jason would not be a good match for the ring. He was tough and wild and willing to get his hands dirty if that’s what it took, but that was not what his core was. He was familiar with the rust and decay of back alley streets, but that wasn’t where he belonged. He would throw a punch but he didn’t relish the blood on his knuckles after a fight.

Jason was surrounded by destruction, but that’s not what he was.

Now… now the destruction he spent so long dancing with has slipped through the cracks in his mind left behind by the explosion. It ripped through his skin and slithered through into his veins until it settled in his heart like an overly smug cat.

Death and Destruction are inside him, woven in his ribcage and fusing with his blood, pumping pumping pumping its deadly rhythm and Jason is helpless to deny it’s tune.

Jason is a being of Destruction through circumstance rather than design, but make no mistake, that does not make him less.

(in fact, it may even make him more. To be remade from one’s own destruction is a powerful thing, and to be remade into Destruction? Well. There are few things more… miraculous.)

And we all know the next part of the story right?

Marinette mourns and grows and lives.

Jason rages and learns and plans. He’s come far from that street rat of a boy, and farther still from Marinette's petite oiseau.

But, two years after he comes back, when he ventures back to Gotham for revenge, Marinette takes one look at this angry, violent man calling himself Red Hood and she knows. He’s too familiar, even as he stands before her, more changed than she ever thought possible.

She meets the Red Hood when he comes for the new Robin, sweet little Tim who Marinette had grown to like despite herself. (He is not Jason, and never will be, but the boy was too shy and clever and earnest for her to have remained cold to him just because he wore the same colors once worn by the man she loved.)

She loves Tim in the same way she loves Adrien, simply and wholly and uncomplicated.

And then she is there when Jason comes for him.

Their reunion is not the stuff of fairy tales. It is not the beginning of happily ever after or true love.

Their reunion is a punch in the gut because it doesn't matter that he’s alive—except it does, because Mari has never known she could be so happy and so shattered at the same time—she is farther from him than she’d ever imagined she could be.

She reaches out for him, voice cracking around his name—because who else could this familiar stranger be?—and something in her shatters all over again when he flinches back from her touch.

“No,” he says, and it is a million things at once. He sends one last glare to Tim, who is still behind her, and then he’s gone.

***

Jason tries to avoid her.

Marinette allows this for a whole month before the whispers in the streets and the stories Tim comes back to her with, become too much.

She knows he is angry and out for revenge and building an empire out of the criminals that infest their city, but she doesn’t care. He was gone for two whole years and Marinette is tired of not seeing him-hearing him-touching him.

She has missed him like an ache in her chest and she doesn't care if he hates her or is furious with her, she just wants to see him. She needs to reassure herself that he’s alive, that he’s real.

And, it seems, the universe is on her side in this. In her chest, nestled there in the space next to her heart, there is what she can only describe as a compass, pointing to wherever Jason is like he’s her own personal north star.

The first few times, she’s yelled at or ran off. Or he runs off. Either way, for a while, the only moments she’s close to him are short and aching.

But she doesn’t let him run for long, and she doesn’t let him scare her off as she knows he’s trying to do.

Marinette had always been the more stubborn of the two.

Eventually, like a feral cat learning safety (like a hurt, scared animal relearning love), Jason lets her get close. He lets her in, lets her get close again.

The first time she sees him, without helmet or mask, she flings herself at him. Arms around his neck and legs wrapped around his waist, clutching him like her life depends on it. He takes her weight automatically, hand beneath her thighs while the other wraps around her back just as tightly. (he longs for touch, she has relearned, but he is also so frightened of it. She will have to be brave for them both)

The second time she sees his face bare once more, he is still thrumming with energy from a fight, is still high on the feeling of broken bones and blood on his knuckles. The force in his chest, the clawing and raging thing settled just off-center of the very core of him, pulls him toward her and Marinette meets him halfway, her own bright, ruthless force like a magnet in her chest.

They meet in a clash of hands on skin and lips anywhere they’ll land.

It is the first time they fall into bed together.

It will not be the last.

Now, you may be thinking, ‘Lady! This isn’t very Aladdin at all!’ and to that I tell you: I fucking warned you. What part of bastardized-Aladdin didn’t you get?

Also, shh. This is my favorite part!

So Mari is in her own personal little honeymoon stage, right? She practically could not be happier because Jason is alive and he’s hers and, even if he’s more violent and a crime boss, he’s stopped attacking his family at least. Which is good, because Mari really didn’t like the sad look Tim wore every time he brought up Jason.

And, oh yeah. Through a combination of her own detective work and Tikki, little Mari realizes that Jason is her Black Cat. Is the only person her Black Cat could be, not because of destiny—though that had helped—but because of coincidence and the bond the pair forged themselves.

So Mari is, obviously, on cloud nine at the moment and she tells Adrien and Fu who are ecstatic for her, and announcements are going to be made the second Mari tells Jason and what could possibly go wrong?

Well, a lot of things really but the first thing is that, basically, Mari is asking Jason to marry her. Just a bit. And while they both know, in that nebulous way they always have, that they love each other, neither of them have ever actually said it.

And also, they aren’t really dating right now either. Mari’s been too busy trying to just get near Jason again that she hasn’t much been paying attention to normal relationship things like dates or labels.

So when she brings it up Jason is… well, caught off guard is likely an understatement. Which then makes Mari realize what exactly she’s just done and- shit. She’s ruined everything and Jason is going to run away again and the compass in her chest is just going to be a reminder of what she can’t have and-

Jason, who only moments before was terrified and in danger of bolting—because this is a lot and magic-marrying Mari comes with responsibilities and rules and a thousand strings he doesn't know what to do with—now stops and stares at her, babbling and so obviously panicked and something in him abruptly settles.

She starts pacing and he grabs her hand when she passes by close enough, reeling her into his body. She comes easily even in her frazzled state and the vicious clawing thing in his chest sighs contentedly.

“Why?” he asks, and it is a million things at once. Why him, why now, why, why, why?

There are a million ways she could answer, but the easiest? The most important answer is simply this: “Because I love you.”

His breath shudders in his chest at her words and her hands raise to settle on his cheek and the back of his neck, a protection of one of the most vulnerable parts of him, and he leans into her touch like a man starved.

Gods, Jason has loved her for years.

He loved her Before and he loved her in the pits, when all he had was the hate they kept stuffing in his chest, and he loves her now. She is his sun and he will spin around her for the rest of his life. But when it all comes down to it, one simple fact doesn’t change:

“I don’t deserve your love.”

Her hands press harder into his skin, like she can force him to understand through touch alone. “If everyone only got the love they deserved no one would be truly loved,” she counters.

“You would,” he says, quick and quiet and honest. Her breath hitches and he watches her eyes go wide. The hands he has on her hips tighten at the emotions he finds there.

“Oh,” she whispers, already pulling him down to meet her. “Oh you stupid, beautiful man.”

And then they’re kissing and- and it is not the first time they’ve done this, but there is something very different about this one.

They’re kissing, and this time, it feels very much like coming home.

***

And, perhaps, that is not the end.

Because there is still one wish left.

Because Jafar-Hawkmoth is still there, and he’s still murderous, and there a very real chance he’s going to ruin the wedding somehow.

Because there is never truly an end to a story, it just simply stops being told.

But none of that really matters. Our princess and her dearest street rat are together at last, and together they’ll get through whatever happens after the story stops being told.

They’ve always had a thing for impossible odds after all.

#maribat #jasonette #my typewriter #aladdin au

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mallowstep · 3 years ago

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okay, i got an ask about an alternative to the misty au where leopardstar helps rescue the mistyfoot and featherpaw, so tigerstar ends up punishing her instead, and here's my answer:

cw: sexual assault, parents/children being involved in sexual assault

I had a horrible no good about the Misty AU where Leopardstar helped them escape and....Tigerstar took one of her lives, then...sexually assaulted her while making Mudfur watch until he was sure she was with kits and then he told Mudfur: "Maybe she'll go the same way as her mother." (If this is too dark I apologize immensely.)

hello, anon. let's talk, shall we?

cursory things out of the way, i generally don't mind what people put into my inbox. that said, if you're unsure, you can always ask first. i try to answer "housekeeping" qs as soon as i can.

now, onto the ask itself.

god DAMN is this an idea. poor mudfur. he doesn't deserve going through this. nor does leopardstar.

but like. here's the THING. we were talking about tigerstar's power a while ago and -- he's actually not maximizing his usage of it.

see, he has a thunderclan pov. in thunderclan, leaders and deputies are supposed to be -- a team. that's why they're so often mentors and apprentices. because they're supposed to fight side by side. it's supposed to be a very close relationship.

if you read mtbnsof,

"They will be slaughtered," he said, and really, she should have learned her lesson, because he lunged again, and this time, it wasn't for her shoulders — it hurt, blinding, and her eyes shut — and opened. Squirrelstar was bleeding, but she was still alive. Rosepetal had tackled Bramblestar, before he could complete the blow.

that's like -- the model thunderclan deputy. you're supposed to pick a deputy who you are that close with.

that's (part of) why tigerclaw's betrayal hurts bluestar so much.

but in riverclan -- the leader represents all of riverclan, and the deputy is, their enforcer, perhaps?

they're still a team, and still one of the very close relationships, but you're more likely to see friends and siblings chosen, with the goal of -- balancing each other out.

a thunderclan leader and deputy should not publicly disagree. but a riverclan leader and deputy might.

so -- when tigerstar has stonefur killed, he's trying to prove that he has such power over leopardstar that she wouldn't even intervene to save her own deputy. which does work, but it's not the most effective way to control riverclan.

the most effective way to control riverclan would be to get both leopardstar and stonefur on his side, and then have leopardstar defer to him.

uh. so uh. what's the best way to do that, then? well.

tigerstar just has to threaten mistyfoot and the apprentices to keep stonefur obedient. "just has to" i mean ig what i'm saying is. if your family's lives are on the line, you're pretty damn willing to go along with things.

but -- how does he. win leopardstar.

he has kits with her.

because -- well First of All if riverclan's leader is riverclan, then the leader's kits are -- the future of riverclan. so if leopardstar has kits with tigerstar, then riverclan's future is tigerclan. yeah?

Second of All leopardstar is known to not want kits and not like toms, right? like -- riverclan leaders are under a fair amount of pressure to have kits because that is the future of riverclan.

and she's not leader for long enough for that all to play out, but she was the deputy for a while, and -- riverclan knows her. they know how she feels.

so. no matter how well tigerstar hides it -- riverclan will know that it's not voluntary.

and -- leopardstar is riverclan.

but like i just -- okay so god. this is. fljksd;lal;f; j. back on topic to the actual ask -- it's a very very interesting story. not something i Personally would write i don't think, because. i'm not sure i would do a very good job of it? i don't think i am -- sufficiently visceral, i suppose.

and this feels like something where. you'd want mudfur's realizations.

i think it'd be a punishment for him too, wouldn't it? he must have helped them escape. he must have known.

i think for me. like when i was writing "after the foxes have known our taste," one of the...one of the sections i was most -- invested in? was these two paragraphs.

"To talk." Leopardstar sits next to him, pulling herself in, like if she makes herself smaller, she will absolve herself of the guilt she carries. (And he knows she carries it. He was barely her deputy for a season, but he has known her his whole life. She will never say it — and because she never will, Mistyfoot will never forgive her — but he sees it in her shoulders.) "We used to be friends."

and then

Leopardstar nods, draws herself together. She looks like herself, again. Regal. Not for the first time, Stonefur thinks that Leopardstar would have made a more striking image on the Bonehill.

i think. leopardstar makes the decisions she makes for the good of her clan

(and oh, tigerstar would use that against her.

"Don't you care about the future, Leopardstar? There are no more kits in the nursery.")

and so in that moment with stonefur, she's...turning to who was supposed to be her counterbalance, and trading all of her pride and strength for vulnerability. and when stonefur -- not rejects her, but tells her he's not ready, she returns to Leopardstar of Riverclan.

but mudfur is her father. the moment of vulnerability with him in denouncement is

"Come with us," she says, pleading. She feels like a kit, begging her father to let her leave camp. "There will always be a space for you in RiverClan." "I thought I taught you better than that," he says, and there is warmth in his voice, like sun on water. "There is no point in keeping spent bones." Leopardstar cracks. She presses her muzzle into him, breathing his scent, past the herbs and illness that clings to him. "Please don't leave me," she says, even though she is the one who is leaving.

and -- while that's not misty au canon, there's a reason that at the end of "the blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine," mudfur tells leopardstar she has work to do.

because by the time mistyfoot and featherpaw do escape, leopardstar has already, in mudfur's eyes, transgressed far beyond the forgiveable.

but now -- his daughter is hurt. and she's -- does she want his comfort? or does she try to be leopardstar of riverclan?

yeah. that's. some good emotional stuff to dip into.

i have -- tawnypelt to explore these ideas with. uh. tbisrasacw contains. sufficient implications but -- mistyfoot's treatment is uncomfortably public.

that's gonna come up again later, i think, but in tawnypelt's first fic, which i'm still toying with official titles for, but has the provisional title of "see them starving in the street," but uh there's a few ideas that it tackles.

all of these tackle -- several ideas. "heaven and hell were words to me" is probably the most, singular plot line of the fic. there's a reason i started with featherpaw's fic and not mistyfoot's.

tbisrasacw balances featherpaw and mistyfoot, and atfhkot is sliding between all of these different cats with moments of what stonefur feels peaking through.

i'm still deciding if i'm publishing "i didn't care much how long i lived" (feathertail) or "like this morning reveals to me" (stonefur) tonight, but idcmhlil is about featherpaw's relationships to other cats, so it naturally pulls in a lot of ideas, and ltmrtm is mistyfoot from stonefur's perspective, which means it necessarily pulls in many ideas.

but stsits is -- one character, many threads. tawnypaw's want to be accepted contrasted with her instictive horror contrasted with her belief that there is no going back contrasted with grappling with the fact that her father is -- uh. mistyfoot.

yeah.

and i don't know. i think. if tigerstar were to punish mudfur via leopardstar, that's one thing. but another thing is like -- depending on his precise interpretations, he could -- force mudfur to. be on "his side."

isolate him from leopardstar.

after all, the reason tigerstar fosters mistyfoot and featherpaw together is because it allows him to win mistyfoot's unthinking loyalty. but tigerstar has all of riverclan to threaten.

("You'll have my kits," he says, smirking. "Do you know why, Leopardstar? Because if something happens to this litter -- I'll take your worthless apprentice and kill her.")

he could -- turn mudfur. not actually, but make leopardstar believe he is.

("You deserve this," Mudfur says, and he is going to hell for this.

Tigerstar doesn't respond, and Leopardstar's ears pin back.

"Tell me, Mudfur, was her mother this pathetic?"

I'll take every last life from her, Mudfur, Tigerstar had threatened. Maybe I'll make you take one. Test me. It'll be fun to see her bleed again.

"Yes," he says, and Brightsky won't forgive him. I'm sorry, he thinks, but it's too late for that.)

i think -- in the misty au, tigerstar takes leopardstar's den. but he'd share it with her.

one of my favourite moments in tbirasacw is

She turns her head, meeting his eyes. He leans back, exposing his stomach, and Mistyfoot takes a moment to consider how easy it would be to tear him open. But she won't, and that's the point.

which you know. the forced intimacy and kindness.

(Tigerstar licks Leopardstar's cheek.

"Leopardfur," he purrs, his tail tucking around her.)

and more name shenanigans, because of course he would. if you've learned anything from this, it's that matthew likes contrasting kindness and violence, and matthew likes name shenanigans.

name shenanigans he would definitely pull mudfur in on.

("You'll call her what I tell you to call her," Tigerstar growls. He puts his paw over Mudfur's. "If I tell you to call her Leopardfur, you call her Leopardfur. You should be grateful I'm not telling you to call her a whore.")

i dunno What everyone would do when tigerclan was over. riverclan would have a Hell of a time.

leopardstar would probably appoint mistyfoot deputy and they'd -- grow closer together.

mistyfoot gave everything she had for featherpaw, and leopardstar paid the same price for the both of them. i think that is -- an apology in its own way.

(Mistyfoot sits with her when she gives birth. Mudfur reminds himself Brightsky was sick. That she did not die because of the kitting. Most queens don't.

Stonefur sits outside the den. Mudfur waits in his own, because he thinks he can't bear to know what he has done to his daughter.)

hm. yes. interesting idea to explore. i appreciate this ask.

#ask #anon #misty au #or adjacent #technically not misty au but like #it's related #it's relevant #if you're in the misty au tag you might be interested #leopard au #look it has an au tag now

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #303

“if i can’t be loved, then i’ll be hated”

What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Candy corn or conversation hearts? They're both gross, don't make me pick between garbage. Do you own a lot of earrings? Not really after I weeded them out before moving. What did your backpack in high school look like? I dare say I had the dopest backpack of them all. It looked like a massive Ouija board, and the zipper was the planchet (sp?). Have you ever been to a rave? Nah. What is your favorite art medium? I have a particular fondness of oil paintings. They tend to look so smooth, and you can achieve incredible realism with them. How far away is the nearest hospital from you? Not even five minutes, I think. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My mom. What is your favorite car color? Pink, duh. How did you learn to type? We actually had a class specifically for typing in middle school. What style of wedding dress do you want? I don't have that set in stone yet, but I really do love ballgown dresses with long trains as well as a-lines with a moderate train. I love a lot, except really for mermaid dresses. Do you fit into any stereotype, or are you non-stereotypical? I don't know if I fit perfectly into any and really don't care. Would you want your first child to have your hair color? ???? I don't care about their hair lol?????? It would depend on the hypothetical father, in which case I'd probably find it cute, but this is so, so unimportant. Do you enjoy writing in cursive? Yeah, it just feels good and flowy to me. What is your favorite hair color? Natural? Probably blonde with natural darker undertones throughout. I like blonde hair because it's far easier to dye, haha. Now, if we're including DYED hair, rose gold or pastel pink is *chefs kiss* What is your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue, probz. Would you put your birthday on a different day if you could? Nah, it's fine where it is. What holiday is your birthday closest to? Valentine's. Do you vent on social media a lot? NOOOOOOOO. I barely post ANYTHING about myself on social media because I feel like I'm being annoying, self-absorbed, find anything I do actually interesting, or don't want people to think I'm a whiner. All I ever really do on social media is share or reblog funny shit, things I love, stuff I find relatable or inspirational, educational, important for whatever reason, etc... Do you have abusive parents? I am very thankful to say no. Is your house haunted? Doesn't seem like it. What's your favorite thing to watch on YouTube? I'm in a real WoW-related phase lately... Watching my favorite streamers, gold farming guides, and other various aspects of the game. What are five health problems that you have? I talk about the mental issues enough, so I guess I'll talk about physical stuff here. Uhhh I have very low blood pressure (it's a med side effect), I have extremely weak legs following muscle atrophy, I have bad tremors, especially in my hands (amplified by medication once again), maybe TMI but we're adults here and it's a legit issue that I have chronic and severe conspitation, aaaand then of course I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) to a fucking outrageous and also humiliating degree. Ooooonce again as a prescription side effect. This answer made meds sound kinda bad, I know, but really, I'd rather have the will to live and just have to deal with these than want to die everyday and not. Do you have surgery coming up? No, let's keep it that way until I lose enough weight and when I am 110% getting loose skin removal. Which family member(s) do you look the most like? My sisters, ig. People say my mom also, but I honestly don't see it. Have you ever cried while watching a YouTube video? Yeah, usually just in let's plays, but it's happened for other reasons. Are you missing a website that just shut down? Nah, none that I know of. NO. FUCKING WAIT. So, when my laptop was fixed, a LOT of shit was wiped from it, and that included all of my goddamn Lightroom editing presets. The site they were from no longer exists, so I had to use a different, pretty sub-par one to install at least a few because it helps me get a start on editing the photograph and leaning towards the "vibe" I want before spending like 15+ minutes tuning it myself. Would you be a barefoot bride? No. Which would you rather name your daughter: Eliana, Echo, Emerald, or Ellery? Ohhh, I like these. I think I prefer "Eliana," but "Echo" is a close second. "Ellery" is nice, but it sounds too much like "celery" to name my kid that lmao. Which would you rather name your son: Maverick, Matthew, or Moses? Ugh, none, honestly. But "Matthew" wins. When was the last time you gave a speech? Like a *legit" speech? Probably not since uhhh... I guess when I argued my disability case at court? Does that even count? Have you ever been in a stampede? Well, never seen this'n in a survey before, so good job, lol. No. If you were a fairy, what color would you like your wings to be? It would depend on what I wore, really. And my hair. But probably light pink. Would you rather name your son Storm, Skylar, Sorin, or Solomon? "Sorin." "Skylar" is SO Southern, and "Solomon" sounds like the creepy kid all his classmates avoid and I ain't putting my kid through that. Did you read a devotional this morning? Not my jam. Would you rather be named Arizona, Alaska, Cali, or Georgia? Hm... "Alaska" is actually kinda cool???? And I'm white as fuck so lol????? I wouldn't mind to nickname of "Ally," anyway. Are you repulsed by ugly reptiles? lololol bro get out Did all your friends know about your first crush or was it a secret? I was definitely secretive and shy about it when I first started getting crushes. Do you ever feel insecure about going out without makeup? I feel insecure either way, so... How many different natural hair colors are there in your immediate family? So, this is a hard question to answer. My mom was born with brown hair, but it darkened to almost black; only her daughter Katie inherited that. By some genetic magic, Dad had blond hair as a kid, but it also turned black. Like... how?????? I was born with dirty blonde hair like him, and mine turned an average brown with age. My immediate sisters have always had brown hair. What is your favorite online game? World of Warcraft is ballin'. Would you ever want to be famous and sign autographs? Ha, the idea of signing autographs is awful... I can't physically write very long without my carpal tunnel flaring up. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? LOOSE. Especially as a bigger person, tight shirts are just really uncomfortable. What is your favorite Spanish name? I don't know nearly enough to answer this. Would you rather visit Asia or Europe? I think Asia is, in general, more interesting and prettier as a whole, but I guess I'm drawn to European culture being more like my own and there are specific locations I'm interested in, like Germany or Scotland. So to answer the question, I guess Europe wins. Are there any Asians in your family? I don't believe so. Have you ever had colored braces? Haha yeah, I did that when I had them. Do you take birth control pills? Yes, just for period cramps. Without them, they can be immobilizing for me. If you live in the USA: do you feel free and safe? Ha, no. Well, not *entirely*. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? I was recovering from the stomach virus, if that counts. As in I still got sick the day before and felt iffy on my actual bday. 17th, I think? Is talking about your past painful for you? Yes. Are you a member of any support groups online? I'm a member of The Mighty site, if that counts. When I'm feeling very, very sound of mind and helpful without all the negativity being a detriment to myself, I do like going on there and trying to help or comfort people. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? Yes, and the line was busy, and that's when I decided I was a goner. Do you ever fantasize about revenge? I uhhhhh... sometimes. What's a movie you would recommend to someone who never watches movies? Ohhh, that's hard. I don't really watch movies either, and I'm trying to think of one that essentially anyone would like, so hm. Oh, Coco is absolutely a possibility. That movie touched me so, so deeply and is high on my favorites list. It's impossible to not feel the emotions. Do you want to have grandkids? Hell, I don't want kids. Do you want to be an aunt or uncle? I already am one, and I love being an aunt. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I don't remember their names or characters in general. Did you make a lot of home videos growing up? I mean *I* didn't, but Mom filmed quite a few. Do you enjoy babysitting? NO. What's an unpopular opinion that you have? Avoiding some political ones, uhhhh. OH. HERE'S ONE. THE SCENE AESTHETIC IS FUCKING CUTE AND NOT CRINGEY AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Are you attracted to the opposite gender, same gender, or both? Both are A+. Was your first crush on someone of the same gender or opposite? Opposite. As a kid, I didn't even fathom the concept that women could date women. What is something you'll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. Fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Besides the very obvious answer of "Covid," I worry about my mom a lot. She's so weakened after all the chemo and meds and can do literally less than I can without heavily breathing and sweating. I just worry a lot that cancer will return sooner than we hope; I don't want it to EVER come back, but doctors say it is very, very likely at one point or another because she was so very close to Stage 4. What would be your personal hell? Being completely and entirely isolated forever while somewhere hot and humid, lol. And play one of my trigger songs on repeat eternally. What made the "weird kid" at your school weird? There was this poor guy named Alfred that was VERY clearly depressed out of his mind, and I heard him speak maybe once through all of high school, and the entire class couldn't believe it. He always sat way in the back and never smiled. I wonder how he is nowadays. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" personally offends me the most when misused and spoken as an insult. What instantly puts you to sleep? Now that is HARD to do; I have a ridiculously hard time going to sleep. The easiest way though would probably be me being drained from an emotional breakdown. That is so exhausting that I'm capable of crashing pretty fast and hard. What song is in a language you don't speak, but you love it anyway? I adore Rammstein, so there's plenty. I'll probably say "Donaukinder" is their best. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? I keep that I RP a complete secret in my "real" life for this reason unless it's like, pried out of me. What's a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. See how goddamn disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that's ever happened to you? Ha, realizing I was bisexual after once being homophobic. What is the funniest fact you know? Oh man, I know a lot of random trivia shit, really, so it's hard to say. Maybe that quokkas throw their offspring at predators to distract and escape from them... As awful as that is, c'mon, you gotta admit it's funny and shocking with just how adorable they are. What was your 'mic drop' moment? Oh, I don't know. Possibly when I publicly came out as bi on Facebook and made it abundantly clear that I gave no shits about some homophobic friends and family & I was beyond willing to let anyone's ass go over it. What's the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a kid at McDonald's, the woman in front of our car paid for our food; apparently seeing a mom, dad, and three kids in a van was enough that she wanted to just be kind and give us a smile. We have no idea who she was, never saw her face or anything, she was just a sweet woman. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? Okay, I'm going to let go of all hatred for my body weight-wise and just think of this as from a strictly natural design perspective, in which case I'd say my toes are too small. What age are you afraid of turning and why? 30, because I'm terrified of getting there and seeing I've possibly gone nowhere. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? I'm keeping this question in just because I think there could be some interesting answers for others, but I'm witholding my answer because nobody wants or needs to know lmao. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting better than others and belittling. Who's a villain you sympathize with and why? D A R K I P L I E R because of his origins and overall purpose and just simply existing. What is something you regret to NOT have done? I have this oddly weird regret of not going like, all-all the way with He Who Shall Not Be Named????? Idk why though????? Considering I loved him way too much and I was a reckless and impulsive person who probably at some point would have wound up accidentally pregs????? What a fuckin trip that woulda been. What movie changed your life for the better? None have really "changed my life." What book you think should be directed as a film? Oh, idk. Most I can think of have been. Of all the decades you've lived in, which one have you liked best? The 2000s, probably. A carefree kid. How are you doing today? I'm exhausted. While out with Mom and my sisters yesterday, we got behind a van whose driver was obviously drunk or high off his goddamn ass, and he was swerving EVERYWHERE, nearly shoving so many cars off the road. Mom called 911 to get in contact with highway patrol to report his dumb fucking ass in. I was having an absolute panic attack and cried quietly like the entire 45 or so minute drive home. I was just so, so upset because this is why I don't fucking drive, and I felt like I'd made my sister (who was driving) mad because she had to firmly tell me I had to calm down (I was hyperventilating and talking to myself to try to calm down) if she was going to focus and keep us safe. She later ensured me she wasn't mad, but I still wasn't the same the entire rest of the day. Anyway, I slept hard last night but had two nightmares, so I'm still really tired today. I'm trying to keep myself really distracted. What's something your relatives don't know about you? A whole lot really, considering beyond my very immediate family, I see almost nobody because they live many states away. What's something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Mom would spank us or slap an arm pretty hard if my sisters or I misbehaved or "disrespected" her by "talking back." I'm not having kids, but I would never, ever, ever, put my hands on them in any way that isn't loving. You do not teach children via inflicting fear. I also have this probably overly strong aversion to beer because that's what Dad always drank as an alcoholic. I'll probably never try it, not that I really want to because it smells awful. What's the most annoying thing your pet does? I feel like "annoying" is the wrong word for this, but Roman (my cat) can be incredibly demanding of attention and to lie on me when I'm on the laptop in bed, and sometimes I just want space and be able to clearly see the screen, haha. He will legit meow like a baby and gently swat my arm sometimes if I try to keep him back. Heeee usually gets his way. As for Venus (snek), she does nothing "annoying" either, but rather a bit concerning to a snake mom: she is usually very slow to find and strike her food. I feed her frozen/thawed mice, and she will first slither around her entire cage, tongue flicking and clearly looking for her food, even though I always place it atop the same spot on her hide, and she can have her head RIGHT beside it and still do nothing. She ultimately generally eats (as a ball python though, she's a picky eater and will occasionally reject a meal), but I of course wonder why she's odd about dinnertime... As a champagne, she does have the notorious "spider gene" in her, which can cause neurological issues, but idk if something like this could be related.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''rise rebel resist'' by otep

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soliair · 4 years ago

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Everything You Need to Know About Allergies

Summary:

"Allergies, also known as allergic diseases, are a number of conditions caused by hypersensitivity of the immune system to typically harmless substances in the environment. These diseases include hay fever, food allergies, atopic dermatitis, allergic asthma and anaphylaxis."

Overview

In March 2020, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) released a safety alert to warn the public that epinephrine auto-injectors (EpiPen, EpiPen Jr., and generic forms) may malfunction. This could prevent a person from receiving potentially life saving treatment during an emergency. If a person has a prescription for an epinephrine auto-injector, they can view the recommendations from the manufacturer here and talk with their healthcare provider about safe usage.

An allergic reaction occurs when a person’s immune system becomes hypersensitive to certain substances, such as foods, pollen, medications, or bee venom. A substance that causes an allergic reaction is called an allergen. Many allergens are everyday substances that are harmless to most people. However, anything can be an allergen if the immune system has a specific type of adverse reaction to it.

One of the roles of the immune system is to destroy harmful substances in the body. If a person has an allergy to a substance, their immune system will react as though that substance is harmful and will try to destroy it. Over 50 million people in the United States experience an allergic reaction each year. This reaction can lead to symptoms such as swelling. If swelling affects the airways, it can become life threatening. In this article, learn about the risk factors, symptoms, and treatments associated with allergies.

What is an Allergy?

Allergies develop when a person’s immune system overreacts to substances that are usually harmless. The first time a person is exposed to an allergen, they do not usually experience a reaction. It often takes time for the immune system to build up a sensitivity to the substance.

In time, the immune system learns to recognize and remember the allergen. As it does so, it starts making antibodies to attack it when exposure occurs. This buildup is called sensitization. Some allergies are seasonal. For example, hay fever symptoms can peak between April and May, when the tree and grass pollen count in the air is higher. A person may experience a more severe reaction as the pollen count rises.

Allergies Symptoms

An allergic reaction causes inflammation and irritation. However, the specific symptoms will depend on the type of allergen. For example, allergic reactions may occur in the gut, skin, sinuses, airways, eyes, or nasal passages.

Below are some triggers and the symptoms they may cause in people with an allergy.

Dust and Pollen

a. a blocked or congested nose b. itchy eyes and nose c. a runny nose d. swollen and watery eyes c. a cough

Food

a. vomiting b. a swollen tongue c. tingling in the mouth d. swelling of the lips, face, and throat e. stomach cramps f. shortness of breath g. rectal bleeding, mainly in children h. itchiness in the mouth i. diarrhea

Insect Stings

a. wheezing b. significant swelling at the site of the sting c. a sudden drop in blood pressure d. itchy skin e. shortness of breath f. restlessness g. hives, or a red and very itchy rash that spreads across the body h. dizziness i. a cough j. chest tightness

Allergies Medication

a. wheezing b. swelling of the tongue, lips, and face c. a rash e. itchiness

If Symptoms Become Severe, Anaphylaxis can Develop.

Anaphylaxis Symptoms

Anaphylaxis is the severest form of allergic reaction. It is a medical emergency and can be life threatening. Anaphylaxis can develop quickly, with symptoms appearing within minutes or hours of exposure to the allergen. Research suggests that anaphylaxis most commonly affects the skin and respiratory system.

Some Symptoms Include:

a. hives, flushing, and itchiness b. difficulty breathing c. wheezing d. swelling e. low blood pressure f. changes in heart rate g. dizziness and fainting h. loss of consciousness

Recognizing these symptoms can be crucial to receiving timely treatment.

Causes

An allergy starts when your immune system mistakes a normally harmless substance for a dangerous invader. The immune system then produces antibodies that remain on the alert for that particular allergen. When you're exposed to the allergen again, these antibodies can release a number of immune system chemicals, such as histamine, that cause allergy symptoms.

Common allergy triggers include:

1. Airborne allergens, such as pollen, animal dander, dust mites and mold 2. Certain foods, particularly peanuts, tree nuts, wheat, soy, fish, shellfish, eggs and milk 3. Insect stings, such as from a bee or wasp 4. Medications, particularly penicillin or penicillin-based antibiotics 5. Latex or other substances you touch, which can cause allergic skin reactions

When an allergic reaction occurs, allergens bind to antibodies that the body produces called immunoglobin E (IgE). Antibodies combat foreign and potentially harmful substances in the body. Once the allergen binds to IgE, specific types of cells - including mast cells - will release chemicals that trigger the symptoms of the allergic reaction.

Histamine is one of these chemicals. It causes the muscles in the airways and walls of the blood vessels to tighten. It also instructs the lining of the nose to produce more mucus.

Risk Factors

People may have a higher risk of allergies if they are under 18 years old or have a personal or family history of asthma or allergies. Some researchers have suggested that those born by cesarean delivery may also have a higher risk of allergies, as they do not have exposure to the mother’s microbiome during childbirth.

You might be more likely to develop an allergy if you:

1. Have a family history of asthma or allergies, such as hay fever, hives or eczema 2. Are a child 3. Have asthma or another allergic condition

Common Allergens

Potential allergens can appear almost anywhere. In theory, a person can have an allergy to any food. Specific components - such as gluten, the protein present in wheat - can also trigger reactions.

The Eight Foods Most Likely to Cause Allergies Are:

a. eggs, especially the whites b. fish c. milk d. peanuts e. tree nuts f. crustacean shellfish g. wheat h. soy

Some Other Common Allergens Include:

a. pet fur, dander, skin flakes, or saliva b. mold and mildew c. medications, such as penicillin d. insect stings and bites e. cockroaches, caddisflies, midges, and moths f. plant pollens g. household chemicals h. metals, such as nickel, cobalt, chromium, and zinc i. latex

Diagnosis

If a person believes that they may have an allergy, their doctor will be able to help them identify what is causing the reaction.

The Person Should be Ready to Explain:

a. any symptoms they have noticed b. when and how often they occur c. what seems to cause them d. any family history of allergies e. whether or not other household members have a similar reaction f. The doctor may recommend some tests or refer the person to a specialist.

Allergies Tests

Your doctor might also recommend one or both of the following tests. However, be aware that these allergy tests can be falsely positive or falsely negative. Below Are Some Examples of Allergy Tests:

1. Blood tests: These measure the levels of IgE antibodies to specific allergens in the immune system.

2. Skin prick tests: A doctor will prick the skin with a small amount of a possible allergen. If the skin reacts and becomes itchy, red, or swollen, the person may have an allergy.

3. Patch tests: To check for contact eczema, a doctor may tape a metal disc with a small amount of a suspected allergen to the person’s back. They will check for a skin reaction 48 hours later, and then again after 2 days.

If your doctor suspects your problems are caused by something other than an allergy, other tests might help identify - or rule out - other medical problems.

Treatment

The best way to manage an allergy is to avoid the allergen, but this is not always possible. In these cases, medical treatment can help.

Medications

Drugs will not cure an allergy, but they can help a person manage the symptoms of a reaction. Many treatments are available over the counter. Before using a medication, however, a person should speak to a pharmacist or doctor.

Options Include:

1. Antihistamines: These block the action of histamine, which the immune system releases during a reaction.

2. Decongestants: These can help relieve a blocked nose.

3. Corticosteroids: These are available in the form of a pill, cream, nasal spray, or inhaler. They help reduce inflammation.

4. Immunotherapy: This can help a person develop long-term tolerance. A person will take gradually increasing doses of the allergen, either as a tablet or an injection.

5. Leukotriene receptor antagonists (antileukotrienes): These may help with some allergies if other treatments have not worked. The drugs block some of the chemicals that cause swelling.

Treatment for Anaphylaxis

Anaphylaxis is a potentially life threatening medical emergency that may require hospitalization. If a person has difficulty breathing following exposure to an allergen, they will need immediate treatment. This will usually be in the form of an auto-injector.

Using an Auto-Injector

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) recommend that people at risk of anaphylaxis carry two epinephrine auto-injectors with them at all times. If one dose is not effective, the person will need the second. Use an auto-injector to deliver a measured dose of epinephrine (adrenaline) within minutes of any severe symptoms appearing. Someone should also call the emergency services.

EpiPen is a Common Auto-Injector. When Using an EpiPen, the FDA Advise People to:

1. Hold the injector in one fist, with the orange end pointing downward.

2. Remove the blue safety release with the other hand, without bending, twisting, or making any sideways movements.

3. Swing and push the orange end firmly against the outer thigh, at a right angle to the leg. There will be a click as the needle exits from the orange end.

4. Hold the needle in place for at least 3 seconds.

5. After activation, the orange end will cover the needle, and the window will be blocked. If the needle tip is still visible, do not reuse it.

6. Do not use the thumb to flip off the blue safety release. Always use two hands to prepare the injector.

Incorrectly removing the safety device can cause the injector to release its contents too early. As a result, there may be no medication in the device when a person needs it. The EpiPen is just one type of injector; there are many different versions. All injectors have the same effect, but the ways of using them may differ.

Prevention and Precautions

There is no way to prevent or cure an allergy, but it is possible to prevent a reaction or manage the symptoms if a reaction occurs.

Those at Risk of an Allergic Reaction Should:

a. Take measures to avoid exposure to known allergens. b. Carry two auto-injectors and know how to use them correctly. c. Inform friends, relatives, colleagues, and others about the allergy and how to use the auto-injector. d. Consider wearing a medical identification bracelet with details of the allergy. e. Seek allergy testing to know which substances to avoid.

Prevention

Preventing allergic reactions depends on the type of allergy you have. General measures include the following:

a. Avoid known triggers. Even if you're treating your allergy symptoms, try to avoid triggers. If, for instance, you're allergic to pollen, stay inside with windows and doors closed when pollen is high. If you're allergic to dust mites, dust and vacuum and wash bedding often.

b. Keep a diary. When trying to identify what causes or worsens your allergic symptoms, track your activities and what you eat, when symptoms occur and what seems to help. This may help you and your doctor identify triggers.

c. Wear a medical alert bracelet. If you've had a severe allergic reaction, a medical alert bracelet (or necklace) lets others know that you have a serious allergy in case you have a reaction and you're unable to communicate.

Lifestyle and Home Remedies

Some allergy symptoms improve with home treatment.

A. Sinus congestion and hay fever symptoms. These often improve with saline nasal irrigation - rinsing out the sinuses with a salt and water solution. You can use a neti pot or a specially designed squeeze bottle to flush out thickened mucus and irritants from your nose. However, improper use of a neti pot or other device can lead to infection.

B. Household airborne allergy symptoms. Reduce your exposure to dust mites or pet dander by frequently washing bedding and stuffed toys in hot water, maintaining low humidity, regularly using a vacuum with a fine filter such as a high-efficiency particulate air (HEPA) filter and replacing carpeting with hard flooring.

C. Mold allergy symptoms. Reduce moisture in damp areas, such as your bath and kitchen, by using ventilation fans and dehumidifiers. Fix leaks inside and outside your home.

Conclusions:

Allergies occur when your immune system reacts to a foreign substance - such as pollen, bee venom or pet dander - or a food that doesn't cause a reaction in most people. The severity of allergies varies from person to person and can range from minor irritation to anaphylaxis - a potentially life-threatening emergency. While most allergies can't be cured, treatments can help relieve your allergy symptoms.

Your immune system produces substances known as antibodies. When you have allergies, your immune system makes antibodies that identify a particular allergen as harmful, even though it isn't. When you come into contact with the allergen, your immune system's reaction can inflame your skin, sinuses, airways or digestive system.

Best Regards, Solomon Jacob (Herbalist & Ayurveda Expert)

** Many Clinical Practice Guidelines Suggest that Some People with Chronic Allergic Symptoms May Benefit from Alternative Medicine Treatments!

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