#but I know i cannot ask too much of a humble god 🙏

[outer-edges]

dear god, i would like to go to sleep tonight and wake up tomorrow with my novel fully completed in my google drive so i may read it, please and thank you amen

[mtnkat3]

10.08am.

💡you . . . . .see me? The fragile soul that's also fierce & strong. Just... when it comes to you . . . . .I'm in the unknown of the vastness of love & I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Rather than protecting them from getting pecked. 💡you . . . . .each piece.....keep poking.. pecking.. pushing.. because... ... ... I've gotta learn... what? What lesson? You . . . . .do realize that you . . . . .brought about this hurdle..right? Your . . . . .actions are why I have such a problem. Why I'm curled up against Tijgeress & she's incensed by this! She's roaring & moaning how dare... deep breath. Sensory reminder. So then I guess the question should be... why you.....wanted to create strife in this manner. Here.. exposed... 💡to watch how I handle this? Without pertinent information how did you..... think I would? Hm? Like a 300# weight dragging me to the bottom of the ocean with no way of breaking free & drowning. Not in love. But in discord, rejection, feeling unwanted, lost, abandoned, alone. This isn't a santa surprise. This is a nightmare of gremlins for me. And I keep getting poked. Even in my dreams. How am I to be your.....safe harbor when you..... are making think that you . . . . .don't want me to be? Each piece of you . . . . . It's like testing me like a ... choicest piece to ... sobbing. Why!?!?!?!?!? Why do you . . . . . keep testing me????? I've given you.....everything. You . . . . . have more of me than anyone else on this planet. Know more about me than anyone else does either. So. Again. Why!?!?!?!?!? Is it the adversary tricks of revenge & vindictiveness? Is it to make me prove myself... my love, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, devotion? I have very few friends, & the ones I do have are supportive of me & want to see me grow, thrive & escape my current situation. The friends that I have want me to find love. They want me to stop being hurt. As I am happy for them when they are.

See, I gave my heart, my soul's keys to you . . . . . a long time ago. I don't want those keys back. I cannot take them back.

You . . . . .own my keys.

No matter what.

No changes. No take backs. No alterations.

So you . . . . .want me to prove myself?

I do so. Every day. I keep getting up & trying. With you . . . . .& with life.

I haven't given up. Nor will I.

So. How are you . . . . . proving those things to me.....

I am not testing you. . . . . Have not. Will not. I have not abandoned you..... I have not totally disappeared.

Yes, I took a hiatus. Ahem. Think about why... I hadn't an inkling where you . . . . . where..... certainly wasn't yet awake to the pieces I am now. And I know I still have much more to learn first! No... I think you . . . . .have been aware... of my movements.. all along. My senses .. my soul.. my gut instincts. Even when the adversary is playing tricks in my mind & making me think I'm a loon. I am not. I just listen. To God. And I know He is allowing me to hear your souls voices.....

I am not crazy. But I am complex.

I know that I am yours . . . . .

But it's up to you . . . . .

Do you . . . . . want to & do.. love... me.

Chewing my lips bowed.

Remember..... I. Am. Here. For. You . . . . .

Only reason I came back.

You . . . . .

I want to love you . . . . . Openly.

I long to give you . . . . .alllll of me.

Is it too much to ask?

Bowing head & praying.

God... please?

I give it to You. You know my soul as You Created me the way I am.

Please? Be with my soul's mates.....to know me too? & want me... too.

Protect my loves.....Dear Lord.

In Your Name Jesus. Amen.

Humbly bowed.

Your humble bowed confused hurting scared listening daughter.

Your complex quirky warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix.

✝️☸⚓🙇‍♀️🙏🤲👣🐾🌂🔗⛓🧰📋📆👩‍🏫🕵️‍♀️👷‍♀️⚒🛠⚙⚖🔐🗽🏗🧱🏰🛡⚔🧣🧤🥾🏔🥧🍋🥤🐯🦉🐐🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌳🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵🎓⌚⚡🌟🌠🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾💫❄

🧭🧭🧭🧭🧭🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯

☔🌦🙇‍♀️

M.1.16.2023 11.07am.est.

[mtnkat3]

4.52pm

I am here for You DOne. Solely.

If You remember anything about me... I'm stubborn as a mule. It's why I'm alive to see this birthday. It's why I have been well not giving up. I believe in "True love waits." I haven't stopped. I never will. Because I love You/Alll. Not just as a human being. But as a soul's Mate/s. Precious. Priceless treasures.

I cannot fathom that I was too quiet. If anything I thought I'd been bombarding You/Alll.

I mean I know that we Alll, You DOne, DPOne &Alll, & I are all naturally quiet people. I know we overthink tooo.

What I don't understand is... did I not divide my time correctly? Or do You/Alll want something to change in the dynamic.

You DOne DPOne &Alll. Only reason I'm still on tumblr. Heck, I drove to Florida for You/Alll. I'm watching my costs so that I don't go way over my budget. I am sacrificing for us.no other reason.

So DOne. What did I do wrong?

I know You go silent. I have observed this before. But I don't know why. Was it me. Or just life.

I know that DPOne, You also go silent. As right now You are telling me to walk alone.

I am struggling.

Because I have been giving You/Alll everything of myself.

I don't know how or where I went so wrong that You/Alll are being quiet.

But I feel it. I feel it badly.

I am still on the same side DOne, lower though.

Do You want me to knock on alll... those doors where possibly?

I will.

But do You want me to...

Seee DOne You say tooo much effort, but yet that not caring enough.

What have I done wrong?

Because I am devoted to You.

As tooo DPOne & Alll.

Has something about that changed for You/Alll?

I mean I found this place, but only because of You/Alll. Which I took as a good sign. Was I wrong? Do You noe think I'm a bad kinds obsessed & crazy? Rather than soul's Mate/s kinda love? You tell me DOne.

Just so You know... I don't give up. Especially not on You Alll. I just can't do that.

So if God Blesses me to find You before either You are gone back... sob. Or... You want me... 245. Or before I have to check out on Saturday.

I will do whatever it takes.

I think I need to figure out were I was not giving You what You need for my efforts to now be tooo much...but really mean are too little too late.

I have walked thru fires for You/Alll DOne DPOne & Alll. And I will walk thru hell to find You Alll.

Don't ask me to give up. Not unless You do so face to face. And even then it will break me.

I don't like this being so far away, but compared to "normal" I'm still closer. But I feel so far from You DOne. When the only reason I'm here.

Hello.

I want You tooo.

Please forgive me DOne?

Please.

I'm not anybody else. I am me. And I have loved & adored You DOne, & DPOne & Alll for a long time now. And really, I have waited longer than that. I have waited my whole life. I have waited. And I will continue to wait. For eternity. Because.

I love You DOne.

I love You DPOne & Alll.

Tell me what You are upset about DOne. I thought I was doing right but I seee I have done wrong by You.

Please. Tell me. Please.

I am not the type to do this. Not for anyone but You/Alll will I ever. This entire thing, tumblr, this trip, alll for You/Alll.

I love You DOne, DPOne, & Alll.

Period.

I am Your's/s'.

Whether it's easy on me or not. Whether You Alll have changed Your/Alll's minds or not.

Bowed & humbled & confused & hurt & feeling my soul's Mate/s pulling away is destroying me.

Your's/s' TkP. Alllways & Forever.

🔱💖🐻💓🦌💝⚜♠️🗝🧩♾⚓🙏🙇‍♀️🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌻🌹🌷🌳🧶🧵🔆🌠⚡🌂🔗☔⚙🗽🌎🎯🧭😖💔

5.30pm