#but I initiated the report bc my friends who were victims were afraid to

[we-were-meant-to-be-one]

Thank you Heathers mutuals hivemind, I nearly busted out laughing in that class

It was BAD, I had to cover my mouth and all that lmfao

I think y’all would appreciate the knowledge that I was wearing a trench coat

[with-love-from-hell]

you talk a lot about trauma and sexual assault and I really appreciate all of the different comfort things you've done as a former victim myself...but I guess I'm curious to know your story, if you feel comfortable sharing. I know you don't owe us any of that and im so sorry if you find this insensitive you can delete it if you're not comfortable...anyway I love your work its saved my life.

Hi anon!

First, I'm glad my works have been helpful for your own healing. I hope you're doing well and that you're in a better place now than you have been. Thanks for being a fan. 💕

Second, I have told my story so many times that it doesn't phase me anymore, so I will definitely be open to sharing. If you want to ignore this, its all below the cut. Please mind the Tw.

TW after this point for sexual assault, victim blaming/police reporting/rape kit mention, grooming, and abortion.

So I think you all have gathered by now that I dont have a great relationship with my dad lol. He was very sex-negative and misogynistic while I was growing up, despite his own borderline inappropriate sexual interests given his views on women. He also said a lot of shitty things whenever a sexual assault case would make the news about the victims. My first exposure to sex was stumbling across one of his bondage magazines, so needless to say that was pretty jarring as a 9 year old. My moms attitude toward sex was more "ignore it and it won't happen" at the time (she's much better now), and they both mostly chose to not talk with me or my sister about it at all.

My first encounter with anything sexual was when I was 12 and got my first "boyfriend" (I dont count it bc the dude was 17). It was preceeded by months of grooming. I had initially said yes after what was hours of coercion, and it was not a great experience. This individual continued to assault me repeatedly, even after I broke up with him shortly after I turned 15 because I was afraid of telling my parents or really anyone. Even through my future relationships, I kept it hidden out of fear. There were a lot of photos taken of me that circulated around my school, and I experienced a lot of bullying and harassment as a result of that.

It wasn't until I was almost 17 that I actually told a mentor of mine at my school. He was the first man that I actually trusted, and he's still in my life today, as more of a friend than a mentor. Frankly, if I didn't have him, idk where I would be at now. He saved my life. And now I look back and see how much of a burden that was for him, as I begged him not to report. And he didn't- which could have cost him his job, and resulted in negligence charges brought against him. Thankfully, that didn't happen. But I regret begging him not to say anything every day, and putting him in an awful position. I did end up reporting it to the police once, and that I do regret. They had me do a rape kit, and then never tested it. And through the entire report, they constantly blamed me and picked apart everything I said. It sucked ass, and I didnt report anything after that.

One of the guys I dated for a few months during this time (I think when I was 15?) Was not much better. He introduced me to "kink" in a coercion type way, and I engaged in a lot of stuff that I wouldn't have if I knew what it was. We dated for 3 months the first time, and I ended things because of how uncomfortable it made me. We dated again at 17 for another 5 months, but I ended things because I found out he had cheated on me with the reasoning being that I wouldn't have sex with him enough in the ways that he wanted me to.

So after going to college, things chilled out a lot. I worked through a lot, and navigated my identity. I even discovered what asexuality was and realized I had a name for my identity- even if it was a result of trauma. It was relatively peaceful to a degree until the summer before my Senior year, where I found out who I thought was a close friend (we'll call him K) had copies of the pictures of me from a mutual friend (we'll call him M). M also informed me that, on a trip we all went on, K told him he was "cockblocking" and had intended to use the trip as a way to "get with me." After learning this, I was thankful M was with, and that he took it seriously enough to never leave us alone together because he could tell I wasn't interested. Maybe it was because M was also a survivor, but I was pretty close with him for a long time until we drifted apart. I still think about him a lot and im thankful he was around to protect me.

Well, anyways. After confronting K and trying to cut ties, he also assaulted me. At the time, I was not on birth control, and he didn't use protection, so I ended up getting pregnant. This is when I had my abortion, I reported it and got a restraining order, and I suppose the rest is history.

I've also had other uncomfortable encounters with cis men besides this. I was groped at a night club during college, one of my sisters boyfriends (who was 18 when I was 14) tried touching me during a car ride while my sister was asleep on his shoulder, and I had another one of her boyfriends hold me down and force me into a hug when I told him I didn't want to once. I've also had strangers cat call me before I was 18, and have had clients in the past make sexual comments at me too. Plus all of this shit recently (though I'm unsure of the gender of the individual)The list is pretty much endless, and im sure I'm leaving something out. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that.

Anyways, that's all ill say about it. I've done a lot of therapy (nearly 11 years) to work on this plus all of the others stuff I have/had going on. I hope that all of you who read this and can unfortunately relate to my experiences know that I support you and im so sorry for whatever you've gone through. You're not alone, and I hope you're able to get the help you need- from friends, family (if you can), and professional supports. You didn't deserve anything thats happened to you and your voice deserves to be heard.

I love you all 💕💕