#but I haven't treated myself like this in so long...

[earthmoonlotus]

...✨️

[icewindandboringhorror]

A very interesting cloud formation!

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[miazeklos]

As it turns out, there are still few things that make me as happy as posting a fic/chapter hour(s) past midnight, switching off my laptop and basking in the glow of my silly little creation the next morning at work. <3 I will not be depriving myself of it again.

[meownotgood]

beloved lovely mags...... all i hope is jing yuan better treat u right after ur literal blood sweat and tears

🚬

GOSH I HOPE SO TOO. HE WAS ONE EXPENSIVE BOY

[sergeantjessi]

There's something so tragic about hating something you made simply because it was you who made it.

[roboyomo]

i am never participating in these goddamn fashion week contests they hold ever again

[healingheartdogs]

The nice thing about having two really intelligent dogs is that they watch us interact with each other and learn things that way all the time. Rest/stay is not something I've really worked on with Eevee other than at doorways and baby gates because my dogs aren't allowed to rush entries and exits for safety reasons, but we use it with Hermes in lots of different contexts multiple times a day every day and his rest is very solid and generalized. Just a few minutes ago I told Hermes to rest so I could clean something up without him getting in the way or stepping in it but without specifying that I was talking only to him and Eevee also froze in place with him, stopped moving completely, and then eventually laid down (position switching is allowed during rest for my dogs just not directional movement, plus she's baby and I didn't actually mean to tell her to rest anyway so IDC regardless) still in her spot watching me clean and didn't break until I gave her a treat and released her along with him. I was cheering mentally for her the entire time but trying to contain my reaction until I gave them their release cue so she didn't get excited and break the rest before I was done cleaning because I've never used that command in that kind of situation with her before. She's so smart and good though, I love herrrrr

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

.

[cactusdodes]

.

[katya-goncharov]

why is it that whenever i talk about being neurodivergent anywhere that isn't tumblr, i feel so exposed and uncomfortable, like i've literally had my heart ripped out and put on display or something

[medicinemane]

The world is set on prescriptivism and... it doesn't jive with me

[leavemetoplaythesims]

we got one of those fragrance samples for a perfume in a magazine and now i want it so bad i hate when advertisements work

[teaboot]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[zincbot]

i don't even know what's going on in here (my brain)