#but I forget he started out so monstrously

[foldingfittedsheets]

Your story about Sly and you go 'the chewing stopped permanently' and my heart DROPPED I tell you. I was so relieved to see he just stopped chewing and didn't like get a permanent uh, consequence of electrocution.

But yes, otherwise very lovely story. And super heartwarming that bit at the end with the most obedient dog thing 🥺🥺❤️

I know!! I added a line to immediately say he was fine but I’m afraid there was some of the first version spreading where I accidentally implied it killed him.

Sly did pass away several years ago, but he lived a very long life.

[dark-moonlust]

Deck the Halls Part 1

Pairing: Krampus x fem!human reader

Summary: you secretly start to decorate the house only for your grumpy husband Krampus to find you out.

Warnings: established relationship, grumpy x sunshine trope, decorating, caring and possessive hubby, fluff, cuteness.

I just had to include Krampus in my Christmas stories! This version of him is unbelievably sweet, with only a small bite (for the time being). Happy reading! Find part two on Patreοn. ✨Happy Holidays!

The attic was a maze and a death trap, but you made it through. It was where you kept all your seasonal decorations and other unnecessary items. You moved through the jumbled mess until you dragged down the four large boxes containing Christmas decorations. Sure, it was still early November 28th—a point that Krampus, your husband, would never let you forget—but he wasn't home, and you weren't going to let his grumpy, anti-Christmas attitude deter you.

You only struggled with the last box as it refused to move. "You're just a box," you growled, tugging on it fiercely. "I'm not letting you win.”

The box eventually collapsed with a shriek, and you lurched back, almost landing on your bum. Well… you’d done it at last. With a huge grin, you dragged each box downstairs and got to work. You had all the time in the world because Krampus was currently caught up in the company he worked for. He worked as a specialist for a corporate organization, investigating unethical activities such as embezzlement, fraud, or employees "breaking the rules." He was incredibly good at his job, and his frightening appearance made others think twice before doing anything dirty.

Without realizing it, time passed, and the living room gradually began to transform into a gorgeous, chaotic mass of garlands, lights, and glitter. You'd managed to wrestle a seven-foot pine tree into the corner, which had been funny given that it was higher than you and weighed around a thousand pounds. You were climbing the ladder with a garland of lights in your hands, humming "All I Want for Christmas Is You" at full gusto when a familiar growl caused you to freeze mid-note.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

You froze. Fuck indeed. 

Krampus was back.

You turned slowly, your hand still holding the lights, to see Krampus, your monstrously handsome but now angry husband standing in the doorway. He looked massive in the wide living room, standing nearly seven and a half feet tall, wearing a dark suit that screamed danger and dark beauty.

Twisted horns twisted from his temples, and dark lustrous fur protruded from his wrists and neck. His penetrating red eyes swept across your form. His jawline was sharp enough to cut, framed by a shadow of a beard. Sharp claws tipped his fingers and a long, serpentine tail flowed behind him, which was currently swinging back and forth. He didn’t wear shoes, he had hooved feet and walked to you with a predator's grace.

“Surprise! It’s decorating day,” you said, forcing a small smile.

“Get down.”

Krampus snarled, his gaze fixed on your body perched dangerously on top of a ladder. He hadn’t planned on coming home early, but something in his gut told him you were up to no good. And of course, he had been right. The sight of you balancing on that wobbly-ass ladder, stringing lights made his heart lurch. Only you did that to him. Made him so fucking worried and out of his mind.

Plus, you had no business looking so damn cute, wearing a short-ass red dress, glitter dusting your cheeks and hair.

But cute or not, you were a menace.

You've always acted like this around Christmas, but this year you started decorating so early that he didn't have time to prepare himself.

“Relax, big hubs,” you called out, a little sassy despite his furrowed brows. “I’ve got this.”

Krampus grunted. Nope. Absolutely not.

“Get down. Now.”

“Silly, I can’t do that. I haven’t finished decorating.”

"It's still November," he muttered, creeping closer. His hooves clicked on the ground, his tail swinging behind him like an angry cat. "You couldn't wait another week?"

"You wouldn't let me decorate even if I waited!" you shot back, wagging your lights at him. "So I have to do it when you're out, obviously."

"So you thought this was a good idea? Climbing on that death trap without me?"

You rolled your eyes. He was so overprotective. "I am fine. You're being dramatic."

“Come down or I'll get your sweet ass down and you don't want that."

Releasing a huff of a breath, you carefully stepped down. Krampus waited patiently at the ladder, gripping it for balance. He only let go when your feet were safely on the ground, tossing away the lights and tugging you to him as if you weighed nothing. He pulled you off the ground to make up for your height difference and you smiled, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.

“You’re not climbing that damn thing again unless I’m standing right here,” he growled, his claws gently digging into your hips as he held you close.

“You’re such a worrywart,” you muttered, your fingers trailing the sharp lines of his jaw.

“That’s because you’re careless, wife.”

You pouted and made puppy eyes at him. “Oh, come on, hubby. I want to decorate. It makes me so happy! Help me out? Please? Please?”

Krampus grumbled something about you having him wrapped around your little finger and eventually agreed. He’d rather take you to bed and fuck your brains out but that would have to wait. Sadly. But he had plans to ask for a big reward for helping you, so his dick stayed good in his pants while he helped you out.

In the end, he ended up doing the majority of the decorating. He hung string after string of garlands and lights across the living room. Before he knew it, he had decorated the massive Christmas tree, the steps leading upstairs, and your bedroom. You had joyful music playing continually and were dancing and smiling sweetly at him.

Well, that made all his efforts worthwhile.

Everything sparkled with soft, golden lights, garlands hung neatly from the fireplace, and the aroma of pine and cinnamon filled the air. You stood back, hugged your husband, proud of the seasonal metamorphosis, despite his occasional growls and eye-rolls.

“You’re always so grumpy about the holidays, but here you are, helping me decorate. Thanks to you we’re almost finished! Only the driveway’s left and the garden.”

Krampus narrowed his eyes, his tail flicking. “Don’t push your luck, wife.”

"Everything looks so good," you murmured, secretly planning to decorate the yard tomorrow.

“Just good?" he rumbled, his voice low. "I just spent three hours untangling lights and garlands and all you've got to say is 'good'?“

You smirked. “Fine, it looks amazing. Totally amazing. Thanks for helping out, hubby.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something, wife?” His gaze flicked to the room briefly before lingering on you.

“Forgetting what?”

“My reward,” he murmured in your ear.

“Oh, your reward,” you said, playing cool even if your belly clenched with desire. “You mean for today? For being such a good hubby and helping me out?”

“Yes, damn it,” he said, his voice a deep, velvet growl. You were infuriating—deliberately driving him to the brink of madness even if he could smell your arousal in the air. He wanted to pin you down, kiss you and fuck your cunt until you stopped sassing him.

“You’re impossible,” you whispered, shivering as his tail curled around your legs, pinning you to him. His hands dragged up your mini red dress, you knew it had driven him mad. Just as you’d planned. Your breath hitched when he let his claws brush against your upper thighs.

“And I think you’re in need of a good fucking, little wife,” he rasped, his lips hovering over yours. “But for starters, I think I’ll have a kiss.”

Head tilting, he claimed your lips, his horns creating shadows on the walls. Your breathing caught, mouth opening and accepting his hungry tongue. Krampus was rough and demanding, thrusting his tongue with yours as if he wanted to devour you, pin you to the wall and make you forget all about the decorations.

And you wanted the same. Were just as needy for him as he was for you.

Part 2 is already up on the app plus much much more to enjoy! Things will get hot. Let me know what you think of my take on Krampus!

[avoicebehindthestars]

Under the Samhain Sky

I wrote this fic for Halloween last year, but never shared it on tumblr, so I figured I might as well, since it's this time of year again :) Enjoy and don't forget to leave kudos and comments <3

Rating: T

Status: complete

Word-count: 27k

About: A canon-compliant adventure in pre-Christian Ireland

Summary:

On a night of wonder and dread a certain angel is left stranded on Earth, defenceless in the face of horrors of myth and legend until the Serpent of Eden comes to his aid. Hidden from heaven's scrutinising eye, Aziraphale and Crowley find a chance to explore their timidly budding friendship that seems to carry subtle tones of something more.

Excerpt:

The angel couldn’t control the shivering of his body. He tried scooting further back but the loose earth escaped from beneath his hands and feet. He began to sob.

‘Leave him,’ a nefarious voice came seemingly out of nowhere. ‘He’s-ss mine!’

The creature hissed looking around. The ground crumbled and yet another, even larger creature emerged. At first, Aziraphale wasn’t able to discern and details of its vague shape. The monstrously massive head seemed to merge into one with the body without any neck to speak of and without any limbs protruding to its sides. The gangly creature spread out its wings and readied itself to fight over its prey.

‘You know what I am,’ the one that came from underground spoke calmly but threateningly. ‘You know who I s-ss-erve. Leave.’

But the grey spectral had no intention of heeding the warning. Instead it charged right at the massive monster. Aziraphale knew he shouldn’t waste his time observing the scuffle. He was about to roll onto his four, get up and start running when a piercingly sharp pain in his ankle forced him back on the ground. He must’ve sprained it when he fell.

Meanwhile, the monster shapeshifted into a man-like entity, its long hair falling on its shoulders in chestnut (or was it scarlet?) waves, and overpowered the grey fiend. The spectral shrieked as its now seemingly human opponent pressed it to the ground and twisted one of its wings painfully.

‘I did warn you,’ said the victor, his voice now clearer and less otherworldly.

The creature tried to wriggle its way from the powerful hold, but the warrior wouldn’t let go. Instead, he kept wringing out the wing until one of the bone snapped and the spectral cried with agony. Only then did he lessen his hold. The loser didn’t take its chances this time, immediately dashing off and taking to the sky. It flew away awkwardly with the broken wing barely supporting its weight.

The remaining contestant turned around slowly and faced Aziraphale, his yellow eyes glowing against the low moon.

‘Mind telling me what you’re doing here, angel?’

Aziraphale realised he had quite forgotten how to breathe. He now let out a deep quivering sigh of massive relief, finally certain that the thought that had occurred to him just a moment earlier was indeed true.

‘Crowley!’ he exhaled with a grateful smile.

@goodomensafterdark

[merakiui]

omg stalker jade who’s living inside your home is such a scary thought…GOOD, but scary. i have such bad adhd and memory issues that i already forget things regularly, like what i just did yesterday or even just a minute prior. it’d almost be too easy for him. do you think he’d step his game up after a while? whenever things start to get too boring so he decides to play a game of just how much can he get away with before his housemate notices? i think he could pull it off, he’s certainly careful enough to hide his tracks again, and really—who’s going to actually believe there’s someone living inside their home without their knowing?

It's so easy, especially if you're busy or have trouble remembering things like whether you did the dishes, took the trash out, made your bed, and so on. Each of those tasks are simple and not truly worth remembering, which makes it all the more easier for Jade to live alongside you and you'll never know. He's best described as the monster under your bed, both literally and metaphorically. He'll lie under your bed and stare at your arm or leg as it dangles over the edge of the bed. He could reach out and hold it for himself, bring your finger to his lips and bite down hard enough to wake you—perhaps even sever your finger entirely; the jaw is monstrously strong, after all. But instead he just watches and waits, shrouded in darkness.

When you're out of the house (either to run errands, to attend classes, to meet up with friends, etc), he roams inside, cooking a meal for himself, tidying up certain places you don't pay much mind, going through your toiletries to see what soap scents you use, putting your toothbrush in his mouth to pretend it's a kiss, however eerily indirect it may be, and even lying on your bed to surround himself with your scent. He's careful to avoid standing near windows in case any neighbors see and make a comment to you, and he rarely goes outside unless he absolutely must. If anyone ever catches him and asks, he'll simply tell them he's a friend, a boyfriend, a housemate—whatever sounds best in that situation.

Jade is very daring at night. He'll stand over you in the darkness, sometimes leaning down to press a fleeting kiss to your forehead or the corners of your lips. When you shift and stir, making the cutest and sleepiest groans and whimpers, he can't help but look on fondly. He could hurt you while you're in such a vulnerable state, but there's no fun in ruining a good thing.

He likes to misplace some of your items (a key, your phone, headphones, an accessory you really like, etc) and watch you scramble in a panic to find them. If you believe in the paranormal, you might mistake these happenings for a particular mischievous ghost (or your own forgetful nature if you have a tendency to misplace items). Oh, you couldn't be further from the truth. What makes this entire game so fun—yes, he views everything he's doing to you (tormenting you) as a game to cure his boredom—is that you haven't suspected him yet and he's been here for months now. Months of toying with you in little, unimportant ways. Months of peeling the shower curtain away when your back is turned and eyes closed. Months of watching you through the crack in the closet doors to see you when you're most comfortable. Months of eating your food, sleeping in your bed when you're not home, washing with your soaps, going through your belongings, finding all of the secret pleasures you like to keep hidden in drawers.

You'll probably never know he's there until it's too late and you finally get to meet your secret housemate when he's chasing you through dark, shadowed halls.

[lacytumbles]

Turtle and Dork

“This is a robbery!!” are words that often come out of the blue. The presence of a humanoid turtle smashing through the window with those words increased the surrealism exponentially.

My smile froze on my face, chopsticks poised mid-air to point at my girlfriend across the table. The noodles I had been slurping did not freeze, slapping gently onto my chin before I hastily slurped them up, coughing. Ruby, who had half-turned around to look at the disturbance, wheeled back at my coughing, scowl rapidly changing to concern. “You okay, Leia?”

I waved my hand, thumping my chest with the other fist as the turtle barreled through the Chinese restaurant. It was huge, maybe eight feet tall, with stubby hands and feet poking out of a circular shell that ensconced most of its body, giving it an uneven, waddling gait. Other diners were screaming and darting out of the way as it plowed through tables, chairs smashed underfoot and food slapping wetly against the floor. The turtle came to a halt in front of the serving counter, cashier shrinking against the wall, the bobbing light fixture behind him casting a looming shadow over the hapless man.

“That doesn’t look fine.” She reached out, cupping my cheek. “Need me to do anything?”

I shook my head again, working the noodles down my throat as the turtle started shouting again. “You! Give me all the cash in the register!”

“Y-yes!” A mechanical clack was followed by the rattle of coins. “H-here, I have nothing else, I swear!”

“Is that all?!” Out of the corner of my vision, I saw one of the turtle’s clawed fingers glow green and a blip of energy flashed out, searing the wall behind the screaming cashier. “Surely you have more than this?!”

“I-I swear this is all we have!”

My esophagus finally cleared and I got out, “I’m good, just went down the wrong pipe there, I think.”

Her shoulders relaxed slightly. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, in the background hearing the turtle shout, “Surely you have more!! Is this not one of those vile places that serves up my comrades as meals?! Are our lives worth that little to you?!”

“I -” the cashier choked on his words until he offered up a measly, “We don’t serve turtle soup here.”

Ruby sighed. “If you say so.”

I waved my hand. “I’m fine, really, no need to -”

“Don’t bullshit me! Sox News clearly said -”

“Wait.” My girlfriend turned her head around to glare at the interrupting turtle, her hand rising in tune with her hair, streaks of red and silver and blue and yellow and white flashing through each strand in a psychedelic display of color. “You interrupted my date because of some bullshit Sox News spewed?”

“Huh?” The turtle turned angrily, then its eyes widened at the bubbling mass of energy hovering in front of my girlfriend’s palm and the hair lashing out behind her head? “Ai-Ailements?!?! What’re you doing here -”

“Wait -”

My words were cut off as my girlfriend intoned, “Fever Freeze.”

With a rush of cold air, the turtle was instantly ensconced in a layer of ice, its face a picture of befuddlement. The cashier and remaining customers gawked at the new sculpture in the room.

“Rubyyyyyyy.” I rubbed my forehead in exasperation.

Her cold face shook, and she turned to me. “Wait, i-it’s not like I killed him or anything. He’ll thaw out, get a cold, it’ll be okay -”

“People.” I gestured pointedly at the civilians now slowly turning their gaze to the $500,000,000-bounty supervillain sitting in the corner.

“Ah.” She coughed, then twirled her finger. “Amnesia Air.”

A gray mist twirled from her finger, growing monstrously large in an instant before sweeping over the establishment. “Sorry,” she muttered sheepishly. “They’ll forget the past few minutes, nothing more.”

I nodded with satisfaction. “I know it’s not your fault, but don’t go losing your temper and exposing yourself again, all right? You promised no repeat of the Dr. Eutropes situation.”

“I knooooow.” She rubbed her forehead, hair returning to its normal brown shade and settling back onto her shoulders and staring at the half-eaten bowls on the table. “Um, movie, I guess? Your choice, I’ll pay?”

I gave a thumbs up, rifling through my wallet and depositing payment for the food on the table. “Sounds good.”

“You’re not mad?”

I sighed, reached over, and booped her forehead. “I’m not. Dork.”

Her face flushed. “I-I’m not -”

I leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. “D-o-r-k. Now movie, let’s book it before the heroes get here.”

She nodded sheepishly. “Ok.”

We began to tip-toe through the dinner, avoiding the diners standing there listlessly among the fog. “But really, Fever Freeze that leaves them with a cold?” I giggled. “Works perfectly for Ailements, I’d say.”

“Puns are the best form of humor!!”

“Dork.”

[leatherbookmark]

mm the thing with madam qin and jgy and honestly a bunch of situations in mdzs (which is why i love it so much!) is that no matter what choice you make, everything still sucks. there's a chance that everything won't suck, but it's as likely as winning the lottery.

mme qin have been raped by an incredibly powerful man who's also her husband's admired superior and political ally. a woman being raped is not only mortifyingly humiliating for her, but also for her husband. what certainty did mme qin have that qcy wouldn't have divorced and cast her out, or even killed her, after finding out? even if he was the best man in the world and he assured her she's the love of his life and nothing would ever change that, the sect is still subsidiary to lanling jin. they can't do shit.

and this is the societal and political side -- we can't forget about the woman herself, about her trauma, about the fact that she gets pregnant and gives birth to a child, a daughter, and lives with her. if jgy can't stand to be in one room with his son, a product of surprise incest, but nonetheless a loving relationship, then how must she feel, knowing that this little girl beloved by everyone is a child of rape?

i get being frustrated with her as a character whose acts contributed to a tragedy, i've been there too and now rereading that one post i regret it because it's kinda unnecessarily aggro towards mme qin! but literally what could she have done? and let's not assume she just sat and did nothing. jgy says he and qs had to fight for the permission to marry; mme qin was probably doing her best to stop them from doing that, but what ammunition did she have other than "son of a whore, i don't trust him", something that qs would have immediately disregarded and qcy -- disregarded after either seeing or jgs agreeing that his son is a hardworking, filial good man? nothing.

same for jgy's side, the "he should have told qs" -- okay, but when? and then what? what certainty did he have that she wouldn't have flipped out, panicked, said the same things she said to him when she got the letter from bicao? of course, there was a chance of her freaking out at first, then calming down, deciding to end the pregnancy and live as siblings, but how big this chance was? how safe and effective would it be to secretly take a mix of herbs from an unknown source? how soon would everyone start wondering why is she not expecting, is jgy impotent, is she barren, did she change her mind, is he so diseased and disfigured that she ran away screaming, etc, etc?

i've seen people calling jgy all sorts of names for talking about reputation and the conference, but while it sounds monstrously uncaring to qs and shows in a twisted, sad way how changed jgy's priorities are from those of a "normal" person, he's... not actually wrong per se. he's just bypassed, packed all the emotions one would normally feel in this situation and squished them into a dark locker at the back of his mind, and went straight to Trying To Stop The Worst From Happening. because it really IS the end for both him and her if the incest news get out, and someone -- two people, possibly even more, but he doesn't know that -- is out there, KNOWING it. they can do whatever they want with this information, and once they do, suicide or faking your death and running far, far away is the only option. and qin su KNOWS THIS. this is why she kills herself, aside from shock and grief. once even one (1) more person knows about her situation, everything is ruined. hell, i can't imagine how qcy must have felt when he returned from his trip. his son(s?) must have been either at the conference or at home, but there's no mention of them at the meeting in the lotus pier. i wonder how they managed it later on, when everyone knew.

and finally, if mme qin told qs -- then what? qs would be shocked and confused. she'd hate it. she'd ask why her mother waited for so long, if her father knows; depending on the timing she could already be pregnant. EVERYONE INVOLVED WOULD HATE THIS SITUATION SO MUCH.

and like... i kinda get why mme qin "waited" until the last impossible moment. she may have begged jgy to call the wedding out, but she must have known it was too late. but had he and qs not been so intent on getting married no matter what, qs wouldn't have been pregnant, and while this reveal would still be shocking and miserable to jgy, at least he would be able to tell mme qin he won't touch her. and i feel that maybe she was hoping for something like that? maybe they could sit qs down and tell her, or maybe jgy could pretend he's not interested in sex or even kissing and qs would spend the rest of her life in a sexless and childless marriage that's nonetheless as happy as it can get. but it was impossible! that's the tragedy, no matter what angle you look at it from, everything sucks and is horrible.

there's no way out! mdzs is full of situations like that that don't involve characters taking insane risks and being 100% confident in predicting the other characters' reactions, and also society getting cool about a bunch of things real quick

[jedigloomy]

The chaotic series of events in my Sims game (I had to share it!)

Look, I know I post primarily BG3 content, but I needed to share this. This series of events was just... a lot. Anyway, allow me to provide some vital context.

The story will be underneath the line to ensure this post isn't monstrously long. There are no spoilers or anything—just a whole lot of chaos. Enjoy!

First, let me introduce you to my Sim and her girlfriend.

On the left is Penny Pizzazz; many of you will know who she is. For those who don't and don't feel like reading the wiki, she's a base game Sim who's supposed to be a famous internet star. On the right is my Sim, Sunni Soto. Before you judge me for using my name as hers, Sunni isn't technically my name. I just really like it, so I made my name and now my Sims, Sunni.

Anyway, Sunni is in the social media industry, and Penny was her workplace rival for some time before I had them mend things. I thought it would be cute for them to go from rivals to lovers. They got along really well, and thus, an adorable but short-lived relationship started. Sunni and Penny moved in together shortly after going official (Penny asked, and I thought, "Eh, why not? It's the Sims.")

Now to introduce you to the other couple in this story. Arun and Jesminder Bheeda. They live across the hallway from Sunni and Penny. Unfortunately, Jesminder hates Penny and Sunni's guts—for a good reason, they're loud, and she has a baby (his name is Pat). She'll often come over and angrily bang on the door, asking Sunni and Penny to keep it down when they're loud. I usually ignore her, and she'll be on her merry way. However, due to my ignoring her, she has grown to despise both my Sims.

Well, after a while of Penny and Sunni living their lives, a nefarious plan hatched in my fucked up brain. I was getting kind of bored of the drama-free gameplay, and I am known as an "evil Simmer," so I, uh... had Penny cheat on Sunni with Arun... Jesminder's husband... she may have also gotten pregnant, too...

I have MCCC risky woohoo turned on, and, yeah...

Anyway, Sunni and Jesminder are still unaware of the affair when this story hits the fan in a rather explosive way (you'll get that pun in a moment). Around 3 a.m., Jesminder came over to complain about the noise—Penny thought it was a great time to work out on the treadmill—and I decided to be an a-hole to Jesminder.

I had Penny say a few... unsavoury words to the poor woman. They actually got into a physical altercation (they initiated it, not me), and after the fight, I had Penny insult her once more before returning to the apartment. Well, Jesminder got so unbelievably pissed, she... uh... died from a cardiac explosion... here's a pic I sent to my bestie of her mid-death.

Yeah... Penny slept with her husband, got knocked up, then proceeded to taunt her to death, literally. However, I didn't want her to die. Hell, I wanted her and Sunni to make amends and maybe even become friends after they had found out. So, I did what any moderately sane person would do... scolded the grim reaper...

And you know what? It actually worked! I was able to convince Grim to revive her. I thought, "Fuck, yeah! They'll become fast friends in no time!"

I thought this would be a good stepping stone in fixing their friendship (they were friends when Sunni first moved in). But, and I shit you not, the minute her feet touched the ground. She fucking had another cardiac explosion.

So, I berated the grim reaper again, hoping Sunni could convince him to spare her. But, uh, I guess he got sick of her treating him like a child because he told her no. :(

Jesminder Bheeda was officially dead, and to make matters even worse, when I went to write her a nice epitaph, the fucking game couldn't let me forget about my failure. This was what the game generated for the epitaph.

So, yeah, that was the insanity of my Sims game. R.I.P Jesminder. I will avenge you, I swear! Penny and Arun will pay (even though it was technically me controlling Penny in the first place!).

[berattelse]

To Homer, writing in the eighth century BCE, Scylla was a twelve-legged, six-headed, barking creature with no human characteristics to speak of. As described in The Odyssey, she lives in a clifftop cave across from the whirlpool of Charybdis, with her twelve horrible feet hanging horribly down. When ships go by, she darts out her hideous heads, each one armed with several rows of teeth, and snatches men from the decks to eat, six at a time. The cave opening is very far up the cliff -- the witch Circe, who warns Odysseus about Scylla, tells him that an arrow shot from a ship passing below wouldn't reach that far. In other words, Scylla's necks are upsettingly long. Odysseus never quite gets a glimpse of her, but he does see the legs and feet of the crewmen she scoops up, dangling over his head. Twelve legs hanging down. By the time Ovid came around, though, seven hundred or so years later, Scylla's terrifying heads had migrated below the waist. His version of the story starts with Scylla as a nymph, the unwitting (or just uninterested) crush object of a sea god named Glaucus, who himself had recently been transformed from a mortal. Glaucus appeals to Circe for help in catching Scylla's eye, and Circe says, "I'll do you one better: Forget about her and you can have me instead." This does not have the intended effect. Instead of dropping the indifferent nymph for a demigod enchantress who's good to go -- clearly the logical decision based on economic factors, but the heart wants what it wants -- Glaucus declares that his love for Scylla will never change. So a jealous Circe decides to change Scylla instead. She laces the pool Scylla bathes in with herbs that cause a horrifying metamorphosis. As she wades into the water up to her waist, Scylla finds her legs and groin transformed into a mass of barking dogs. The real moment of horror in Ovid's version of the story, the detail that makes it stick with you more than the ones where boys turn into flowers and girls into trees, is that when Scylla first looks down and sees herself surrounded by wild dogs, she tries to run. I'll quote it, because the moment is chilling and the translator (Rolfe Humphries) is fun: There Scylla came; she waded into the water, Waist-deep, and suddenly saw her loins disfigured With barking monsters, and at first she could not Believe that these were parts of her own body. She tried to drive them off, the barking creatures, And flees in panic, but what she runs away from She still takes with her; feeling for her thighs, Her legs, her feet, she finds, in all these parts, The heads of dogs, jaws gaping wide, and hellish. She stands on dogs gone mad, and loins and belly Are circled by those monstrous forms. The monstrousness doesn't come from Scylla's new shape. (Personally, I wouldn't mind being partially dogs.) What inspires fear in this story is the sheer alienness of her body, now so unfamiliar that she wants to flee. What inspires true horror is the fact that she can't.

Zimmerman, Jess. Women and Other Monsters: Building a New Mythology. Beacon Press, 2021.

[shadowshrike]

A Dimiclaude Golden Wildfire Part 2

AKA

How I would write an Emerald Moon equivalent for 3 Hopes

This is a reading of the game based on the premise that Claude admires Dimitri, both wanting the best for him and to be part of his life. It's meant to be a fun, canon-compliant story, but not what I think the writers were going for, much like the 'evil' reading I've done where Claude's true goal is to deliver Fodlan to his father in Shahid's place by crippling most of its existing power structures. This is a chaotic brain dump for my own entertainment, so I apologize if it's hard to follow.

Federation and Empire: The Armistice

To start Part 2, Claude has made himself a king. He hopes to better control the war at his doorstep with this power and to keep Leicester alive after the council proved too unwieldy for quick decisions in uncertain times. He's also worried about Dimitri since the Kingdom has been fighting both a civil war and the Empire. However, Claude hasn't been able to reach Dimitri due to his own struggles with the Empire and Leicester politics. He's in the dark about what his old classmate, one that he had a crush on once upon a time, is thinking.

When Edelgard sends him a missive before Dimitri does, Claude realizes he can't wait any longer. If he refuses her, Leicester will continue to be in the line of fire. If he joins her, he can buy time to find a better solution. It will also give him the chance to sneakily off some of the Empire and Church soldiers. He doesn't tell anyone, but he's personally not a fan of either party.

In that missive, she also plants a seed in Claude's head. Her stated reasons for war suggest that Dimitri's freedom from his guilt and station, his woes with Duscur and Sreng, and in turn, the obstacle that has kept Claude from building a proper relationship with the prince, might be fixed if the Central Church can't influence the Kingdom.

Since Claude's brief academy days, he's felt Dimitri was a fantastic person, both monstrously strong and too pure of heart to be real, but also a slave to his duty as ruler. Claude never was able to figure out how to shake him from it back then. And with the war, he hasn't had a chance for spies or summits to get more insight into the prince's woes. The Central Church angle, weak or not, could be a lead on how Fodlan could be made better for both of them.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have time to verify which of Edelgard's claims about the Central Church are accurate just yet. Claude knows that parts of it are definitely lies because that's what powerful people waging war do, but he's been leery of the church since he came to Fodlan and tried to reconcile their behavior with what he'd learned about in Almyra.

Claude doesn't personally believe removing the Central Church will do anything drastic, and he knows destroying it is not necessarily in the best interest of his new Federation. But his heart has begun to waver. It's a comforting lie that the church's demise would end Fodlan and Dimitri's woes. He could use more lies like that after Shahid's death.

So true or not, Edelgard's rhetoric against the Church is useful, and Claude relies on it to build up their new armistice and control Leicester's public opinion. He turns his allies against Faerghus and the Church by using Edelgard's effective rhetoric, pinning the blame for Leicester's strife on their new enemies: the Central Church who 'controls' them and the Kingdom who 'owes' them from their shared history.

Randolph's Death and a Change of Plans

Off to war, they march. A war that Claude has no intention of fighting. He believes he can adjust his narrative as needed once he gets some breathing room and go back to focusing on diplomacy with Almyra and the Kingdom. He'll kick the Empire to the curb as soon as his people are stable and make them forget all about his attacks on the Church and Kingdom.

But when he demands Randolph's avoidable death, Claude realizes the lifeboat he latched onto to save Leicester while the Kingdom was unreachable due to civil unrest has become an albatross around his neck.

He can't sneakily abandon his "allies" to dwindle their numbers for later moves. His own people will turn on him. Their integrity and morality are stronger than their tactical sense. Also, despite disliking the Church, killing all of them feels worse than he thought it would after he'd killed Shahid.

During Claude's troubled nights, memories of that battle become reminders of how much better Dimitri is than him as a person. Of how Claude may have accidentally burned the fledgling bridges between the two of them by proving how ruthless he can be.

So to clear his conscience and navigate his inability to double-cross the Empire freely, Claude's new goal becomes to finish this war as quickly as possible with as few casualties as possible. That means he needs to talk to Dimitri somehow and discuss their options. There will be no end to the war until Edelgard is destroyed or she runs out of reasons to attack.

Unfortunately, parleying with Dimitri on sympathetic terms while allied with the Empire is impossible. So Claude makes the only move he can to get close. A targeted invasion to reach him.

Claude prays Dimitri's old trust in his good nature and his schemes will still hold, even as enemies.

The Kingdom's Sacrifice

With Sreng invasions being business as usual for the Kingdom, Claude hopes an attack by sea will make things easier for him while keeping casualties down. Gautier would be gone, and the Kingdom are already experts at holding off the northern invasions, so they'd be unlikely to lose too many men.

To enact this plan, Claude demands boats from Almyra. That's not without its risks. Fodlan and Almyran relations could be irreparably damaged if his plan goes south. If either his dad learns about the secret conscription or his identity as an Almyran prince is found out in Fodlan while using Almyran troops, Claude's involvement could be considered foreign interference in a civil war.

But taking his countrymen isn't all bad risks. There's also the chance of getting Almyrans interested in Faerghus. As Nader notes, most of them have never been there. Claude hopes they can go from enemies to friends after the conflict, much like Holst and Nader. After all, everyone praises the martial strength of the Kingdom, and Almyrans are always excited to meet new warriors.

But fighting the Kingdom is harder on Claude's heart than he thought. Seeing the Margrave die a Knight's death protecting his friends shakes him. Choosing death to protect others is not something Claude would do. But Dimitri absolutely would do the same for his people.

Claude has always been awed by Dimitri's drive to save the people he loves at any cost, but now he's terrified by it as an enemy. If he missteps in the kingdom, he may have to kill Dimitri or the people Dimitri loves...and he'll never be forgiven.

Claude frets more the closer they get. Despite never being a religious man, he prays to anyone who will listen that Dimitri will remember their academy days and won't fight him to the last man. He prays that Dimitri will understand that Claude's invasion of Fhirdiad is a front. That he wants to talk but can't because of his armistice.

Claude purposefully holds off in telling Sreng about the Margrave's death, hoping they won't invade and cause more bloodshed while he tries to talk with Dimitri. When he calculated Sreng's attacks as being more inconvenience than deadly before, Claude wasn't counting on the Margrave being gone.

Attacking Fhridiad

When they finally meet face-to-face, Claude is relieved to see that Dimitri seems uninterested in fighting tooth and nail for the capital. He seems to understand that something is not right about the Federation being invaders.

The duel between the two kings is mostly for show. Dimitri makes no intent to break Claude, merely ruffle him while he waits to see what Claude has in store. Claude can't blame the man- Dimitri needs to make sure that any invading force knows the Warrior King of Faerghus is no pushover should he choose to go for their heads.

The day thankfully ends without major bloodshed, which gives Claude hope that Dimitri was testing his resolve and trusting him. Dimitri's little smirk after their altercation and how he walks away rather than fighting to the death all but confirms it.

As Claude is about to have the conversation he's desperately wanted for years, urgent news rips him away. Claude is suddenly forced to flee to protect his people. He's furious. He not only doesn't get to speak to Dimitri, but he's also once again stuck in his least favorite position: having to believe in luck and trust others.

He hopes Dimitri will understand what his retreat means since he's unable to risk leaving an envoy so deep in enemy territory.

Rhea the Scapegoat

Once the inconvenient crisis in Leicester orchestrated by a mystery enemy is averted, Claude finds himself without time to research his new enemy or contact Dimitri, much to his misery. A sudden summons from Edelgard to fight the Church and the main army of the Kingdom forces him to make another impossible choice.

Claude could let Edelgard die to end the war now and keep the body count down, but that would risk political blowback like with Randolph. Or he could help her, but he would need to find an excuse not to attack Dimitri seriously. He'd need something to keep his forces away from the Kingdom without betraying the Empire and angering his people. (AN: Ironically, this scene in the game is called "Plausible Excuses".)

The perfect scapegoat? Rhea. Claude could try to talk Edelgard out of killing Dimitri should Rhea die, pointing out that Rhea being gone would invalidate her stated reason for war. Should she continue the war after Rhea's death, it would give him the ability to march out to save Dimitri without violating their armistice.

The plan would be easy to pull off. Edelgard had already given him the propaganda machine to blame Rhea for Leicester's ills, and Claude's been pushing it mildly since the armistice started. He merely needs to repeat the rhetoric of heralding a "new age of freedom" with the demise of Rhea for people to follow him, whether or not any of it is true.

And if any of the claims about the Central Church not liking outsiders is true, he would need to remove Rhea anyway so Dimitri could build a relationship with an Almyran prince, complete the Duscur reforms he always wanted, and maybe even be free of his title of "King" so he can live as he pleases.

He knows it wouldn't be how Dimitri would do things, and he's not sure if Dimitri returns his feelings or would accept a life beyond service to his people, but Claude is willing to do anything to help Dimitri find freedom. What's one more death after his hands killed his brother? Whatever good she may have done for Fodlan, it isn't like Rhea is an innocent, anyway.

Surprisingly, Claude hears what he thought was an impossible option for him when he talks to the others. "Killing Edelgard would end the war" Lorenz says, but then he also says he doesn't want to kill her because she's their old classmate. Claude immediately points out, "so is Dimitri." After attacking Fhirdiad, he needs to seed in their head that the Kingdom isn't the enemy anymore. They need to forget the weak reasons he made up for the initial invasion to get close to Dimitri so his plans for a post-Rhea alliance are believed.

A Conversation with Dimitri

When Claude spots Edelgard and Dimitri fighting alone after Dimitri flees the battle at Garreg Mach, Claude rushes to intervene. He tries to get them apart. He can't betray Edelgard yet, but he desperately needs to stave off the possibility of Dimitri's injury or death.

It's within the strange magical distortion of time and space which follows that Claude and Dimitri finally talk. Claude turns a deaf ear to how killing Rhea will cause more strife, already knowing it is likely to be true, instead focusing on Dimitri's personal concern for him. He deflects it, of course, because the last thing he wants is to be another burden on Dimitri. Instead, he redirects their talk towards concerns about foreign relations and Dimitri being stuck with a role he doesn't want.

Claude blames the Church for it all - the strained foreign relations, the restrictive marriages - trying to use this ruse he's locked himself into to express clearly what he wants for the two of them. He loses his nerve eventually, cutting himself off as he starts to work himself up by talking about what Dimitri could do in this new world he dreams of, one where they could be together, free of expectation.

He wants to say that Dimitri's Kingship stands in the way of them walking together, and he can fix it. But as they talk, Claude is forced to face the reality that Dimitri's love and loyalty as King is independent of the Church. He will not be free when Rhea dies.

Resigned, Claude expresses the desire for friendship instead, sad that he's been forced to build this house of lies about a New World without Rhea that will inevitably crash down after she's slain. Hers will likely be merely another senseless death claimed by these battles. Still, Claude knows he must stay the course for Leicester to be free of the Empire.

Dimitri reflects Claude's want for friendship and a beautiful new world together too sweetly for Claude to stomach a response. It's a miracle to hear after all the harm he'd inflicted on the Kingdom. Dimitri truly is too kind for the likes of him.

In the end, all Claude can do is ask for a truce when they all walk away, hoping Dimitri will forgive him for what he must do.

Sacrificing Rhea's Life to Ally with the Kingdom

Claude uses his feelings for Dimitri to drive him to face down Rhea when he returns, telling himself and others that Dimitri will definitely choose Faerghus over the Central Church in the end. That, in fact, Dimitri wants them to dissolve the church by whatever means possible. It is the only way Claude can face that final battle now.

When he finally confronts Rhea, it's no longer about her real or theoretical crimes, no matter what he needs to say to his troops. Claude wants to see what the world would be like without her in it, not because he personally thinks she's responsible for all of Fodlan's woes anymore, but because he's dreaming of joining the Kingdom and finally being able to bond with Dimitri once she's dead.

As he strikes the final blow to the monstrous creature of light who was once Rhea, spinning an entire world of new mysteries to be unwound after this war, Claude mourns for those who clearly love her. Those who died or are left directionless because of his own mistakes, not hers. But Claude knows there is no other option. If he captured her per Edelgard's wishes, it would add too many variables to the "justified" nature of the war.

Rhea's death was the only choice in the end, even if it makes him sick to look in the mirror after it is done.

Whether the war continues or ends with Rhea's death, Claude's next move is to rush to Dimitri's side and pray he isn't too late to build something between them. How it ends afterward...that's up to you.

[spicysoftsweet]

the devil is a fornicator, incubus!sukuna x reader

summary: sukuna, a well-known incubus is quite fond of you.

warnings: home invasion, noncon, double penetration, size kink ig, degradation, monster form! sukuna

a/n: there is no plot here just porn lmao. enjoy.

It’s the dead of night and the incubus has returned, you realize once you’ve awoken in a shock of blinding pain, only to gaze directly into the demon’s endless eyes hovering over you, illuminated dimly by the pale moonlight that streams through your thin curtains.

He grins, revealing rows of gleaming sharp teeth.

“Did you miss me?”

His voice is a snarl that drips heavily in sarcasm, seemingly echoing in the silence of the room.

Tonight, much like every other night, you’re not sure how you ended up caged in two sets of arms stronger than wrought iron, your mind steeped in a deep, impenetrable fog and your body languid and stretched to the limit as you’re all but impaled over a monstrously sized pair of cocks. But it’s a matter of course - the demon Sukuna has picked you and continues to choose you again and again.

There’s more than one reason he’s called the King of Curses.

Aside from the fact that he has claimed you only because you are eternally damned, expletives fall out of his mouth as naturally as rain drops from the sky; harsh, caustic is the feel of his rough hands on your skin, if you can really call them something as human as hands.

“You’re pathetic, really, sniveling all because of a little pain?”

Even though his voice is light and jeering, you’re not meant to answer and you don’t dare to. All you can do is whimper, and your soft, miserable sobs delight him.

“You should be thankful I’ve become somewhat partial to a weak, worthless little thing like you.”

The palm that presses down on your neck, making it hard for you to draw air into your lungs, is so heavy - heavier than the weight of his body that carelessly crushes your fragile one.

Even if he is holding most of his weight, you are still so tiny, so small in comparison to his huge figure. He’s massive, truly, but you’re not exactly sure how large he is...  he visits you under the cover of dark, and you swear the size of his shadow varies each time. 

But the configuration of his form is always the same, and he makes good use of his supernatural anatomy - a hand presses on your neck, another grasps relentlessly at your hair and tugs mercilessly, and two more are placed oppressively on your hips, gripping tightly enough to leave blotchy discoloration on your skin. A tongue that protrudes from somewhere within the dense muscles of his abdomen laps furiously at your bare skin, now covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heat he generates. The rough, wet strokes only worsen your sensitivity but you barely shudder because he holds you so still that you have no agency to move.

But where could you go?

You want to explode.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? Being splayed out like this?” His head lowers so that he can whisper directly into your ear, as he continues to pet your scalp. His fingers curl around your neck, and you gasp involuntarily; you can practically feel the way his lips curl into a smile, his cheek is so close to yours.

Of course it hurts. It hurts so bad, it hurts so good, your heart hurts, your pussy aches.

“I’m too big, aren’t I? You can’t take me in that tight little cunt of yours, can you?” 

It’s true - you shouldn’t be able to take him. In fact, you’re amazed that he manages to fit despite everything, however painfully so, and if your head were a bit clearer, you’d wonder if it’s a bit of magic that keeps you from splitting in half so that he can have his fun night after night. It does help that you’re dripping wet, seeping around him enough that you can feel the unmistakable moist sensation between your legs that is your arousal, more slippery than perspiration.

“What would you do if I got bigger inside you? Will I tear you apart, little one?”

Please have mercy.

Tears are streaming down your cheeks and your body is quivering, and if it weren’t for the fact that he has you pinned down, unable to move an inch, your whole body would be convulsing. You are too full, too tender, too stimulated and he’s barely even moving yet, aside from the occasional tortuous twitch of one of the penises inside you. It’s torture, the way your body clenches desperately around him, pleading for some friction. The rise and fall of your chest as you pant in a strained, almost wheezing cacophony - you don’t dare whine, you’ll take whatever he offers you - seems to delight him, and his hand releases around your neck. He thumbs instead at your quivering lower lip, his own lips pressing onto your neck.

It’s almost a mockery of tenderness, the pecks he gives the curve of your jaw as he jams two fingers now down your throat making you gag. 

He loves to hear you choke, and he sinks his hands into the futon so that he can grasp handfuls of your ass and lift up.

Once he adjusts himself so that he is kneeling onto the bed and your hips are hoisted off the ground, he pushes deeper inside you and you cry out around his fingers in your mouth.

But once he starts moving, you are too stimulated to cry. 

Sukuna fucks you loudly, lewdly, animalistic groans and foul language filling the air as he thrusts in and out of you like you’re nothing but a mere cocksleeve, ignoring whatever screams and moans come out of your mouth. You move so quickly, slammed almost perpendicularly against his pelvis, hard, that your thoughts go from fogged up to scrambled until you’re dizzy and wordless, sniveling, forgetting how to form the words to beg him to stop.

Do you want him to stop? Being fucked dumb maybe the only good part of this curse after all. 

He plays with your pert nipples as he slams you down onto his cocks; he shifts you upright briefly, sitting with his legs crossed to minimize his own effort as he pistons you up and down forcefully onto his lap.

Too many eyes focus in on the grotesque, fucked-out expression you make, your tongue lolling out helplessly and your breasts bouncing recklessly as he moves you.

“You almost look half-decent like this...” he teases, a pleased smirk gracing his hideous smirk. Again, he has to steady you, bringing your arms behind you and holding you taut so that you don’t collapse onto him,  you are nothing but a brainless toy, after all. By this point of the night, he can’t expect you to keep your posture. He’s not that cruel.

“You’re no different than a little lamb. Innocent, cute, powerless. I could swallow you whole.”

You let out a drawn out moan from an orgasm that springs forth from so deep inside you that it reverberates throughout your whole body and he laughs. In fact, he cackles wildly as you jerk violently forward, your shoulders almost risking dislocation as you move due to the fact that your wrists are still firmly in his grasp. 

“Aren’t you going to beg me to stop? Or are you just going to keep cumming like the dirty little cursed slut you are?”

You know he won’t stop. Not for hours. Not until he eventually releases hot, sticky, endless ropes of cum inside you until you pass out, until the next morning where you wake up in a cold sweat after repetitive nightmares of giving birth to hellspawn.

His two upper hands cup your face that is exhausted, weary, miserable, and dazed from fucking that will go on endlessly and for as long as he feels like it. Sucking away all your vital energy. Ruining your soul. Wrecking your body. 

His fingers caress your skin, even if he’s still pounding relentlessly into you and you’re only a few more strokes away from another gut-wrenching climax.

Sukuna kisses you passionately and you don’t think, because if there is anything you know for a fact, it’s that the devil is a liar and tonight’s lie is that you’re anything more than a hapless human he likes to fuck.

[parksunghoonification]

Top Ten reasons why I hate You

synopsis. tenacity and spite aren’t really a great combination and Jake Sim knows it well.

word count. around 1800

pairings. jake x afab!reader

genre. kind of enemies to lovers??

warnings. i cursed and i also got bitchy

authors notes. hi everyone! this is the first time I’m posting on this site, hope you’ll like it!! English is not my first language, so let me know kindly if there are some mistakes. 

(also i do NOT hate Jake, I actually love him too much, this was just for fun!!!)

Hi, I guess?

Sorry Diary, I haven't done this since third grade, I lost all my magic.

if it was up to me you wouldn't exist, this is all Jungwon's idea.

He said and I quote: "Maybe writing about it will give you some sort of inner piece, or maybe it will help you cope or process. It will do more good than harm, just try it". But then I refused, he clapped back and things got desperate really quickly (he knows exactly what to say and how to act to make me give in). Plus, I'm taking psychology this semester, saying no wouldn't have given me any credibility whatsoever.

So here I am, writing in a hate journal about a stupid frat boy (derogatory) for the sake of my friends' mental health (and also because they all have frequent headaches, pretty sure we are the cause of it).

I would like to start off by saying I am not a “fiery beast escaped from the flaming chambers of Hell”, even if I quite like the epithet (it’s giving Dante’s Inferno).  If Jake (the stupid frat boy) was writing these pages, he would have kept that supernatural narrative, going on about how monstrously evil I am. I have a message for that troglodyte: my diary, my money, my story, and I will tell it how I like it (the girlbossification of y/n, we love to see it).

Contrarily to what he thinks (and fuck what he thinks), many say I am a good person, a really good person even.

I always stall Mr Kim when that sleepyhead of Sunoo is late to class (after several years of observing and refining my theory, I finally came to the conclusion that the closer you live to the school, the later you'll arrive), I always patiently help that senior citizen of Heeseung with his electronics (even if I really want to hit him with the TV's remote, because really Heeseung it's not that hard, most buttons have the function written on them, you just have to press them), I always make sure that hot tempered mess of Riki doesn't get himself killed (task that costed me a black eye once), I always end up forgiving every one of my unhinged friends (I can't really stay mad at them for long anyway, how could I? At the end of the day, they're pretty cute).

Unfortunately, like every other human being (except for Taylor Swift, the queen herself) I have a few, totally forgettable, little flaws.

Jay often tells me I might have a teeny, tiny, almost invisible controlling problem (which is actually hot if you ask me), remark I really can't take seriously considering it comes from someone who can't stand being wrong. Heeseung has pointed out a few times that I may not be the most tolerable person when drunk, but I would like to point out to him that I, at least, am extremely predictable (unlike him) since I follow a precise scale of drunkenness that goes from silly dances to uncontrolled and unjustified giggles (I think I am adorable when drunk, Heeseung is a loser for not agreeing with me). Sunghoon never forgets to scold me for being "the biggest bitch ever" to his beloved, Sim Jake (I can't defend myself on this one, he is absolutely right but I will never say this to his face).

The thing is, my friend group still hasn't had the opportunity to grasp on the fact that I am extremely bad at letting grudges go, I hold on to them for as long as I can. I have to admit, it happened to me on several occasions to forget the reasons behind them, but what can I do? Give up? Suddenly change my behaviour? I don’t want people to think I am a crazy, moody bitch, I prefer they think of me as a bitch without any other attribute, I don't really need all that decoration.

I guess you can add to the mix the fact that I am also pretty stubborn. Tenacity and spite aren't really a great combination and Jake knows it well.

To be honest with you diary, I forgot why I hate him so much but he gives me at least one new reason every day to do so.

First of all, he skipped Lady Gaga on the radio. that alone I could have ignored, but after that heretic act he pronounced these precise words, and I quote, "who even enjoys this kind of music", with the most arrogant tone ever. For your information Jake, I do, you little piece of shit.

He also said that Yeonjun is "just okay", and that I was "blowing this out of proportion" by calling him "the most beautiful creature to ever walk on heart". Jealousy is quite a bitch, I guess.

Petty motives, aren't they? Yes, of course. In all sincerity, I just believe me and him are too different to coexist civilly in the same environment. He is always pushing the wrong buttons, the big red ones with "DO NOT TOUCH" written all over. He does this on purpose, I’m convinced. He must not like me too. 

To further prove my points, I made a contained list for you, my dear Diary, where I picked the top ten things I hate about Jake Sim (so I can antagonize him and explain why I am right at the same time). I know, I know, just like the movie. I had to pick a number, okay? I could have written for infinity but neither of us have all that time.

Disclaimer: it gets ugly

1. He is legitimately the worst at pranks but he won't give you the same answer if you ask him. He goes either way too small (he once moved every piece of furniture in my apartment by half a centimetre. Spoiler: I didn't notice and he almost went insane) or way too big (he freed a racoon in said apartment that destroyed most of said pieces of furniture. Also, it had rabies).

2. He is the biggest nerd. He picked maths and physics in college and made that his entire personality. Now I might be a bitch, but I am not a monster. I am all for talking about one's passions, but there is a limit, it being my total lack of interest towards Einstein and his stupid clock tower (with all due respect Mr Einstein). I also have unprocessed trauma from high school (it's the teachers' fault if I can't look at numbers without crying). So, no Jake, I am not bad at those, I just happen to despise them as much as I despise you.

3. He tries so bad to understand literature and refuses to accept that he really doesn't. He is extremely factual and he said himself multiple times that he doesn't believe in anything that isn't supported by objective actualities. Stories aren't always rational because human behaviour isn't always rational. He is convinced he can understand literature by using the same approach he uses for Math!!! How unacceptable is that? And that is why you didn't enjoy Wuthering Heights Jake, you tasteless little bitch! (He insults that masterpiece one more time and he is done for).

4. He is a robber, a criminal, an offender. He always steals Riki from me. And do not get me started on Sunghoon! Every time I happen to be alone with them, he approaches with his callous, grabby hands and takes them elsewhere, leaving me all alone. They like me better anyways Jake, get over it!!!

5. He ruins all the pictures. I can't post a group photo because of him. He's always right in the middle (I can't even crop him out and he gets extremely sensitive when I photoshop a celebrity in his place) with his stupid, constipated face. What's with that expression? Who lied to him? I swear his bottom lip will fall out one day from all the biting (I like to think that the doctors will have to use the skin from his ball sack to reconstruct it so that no one will kiss him ever again).

6. He makes me homesick. Layla this and Layla that, he always makes me think about the dog I left at home on the other side of the globe, the family I left behind. I face my personal dilemmas more than I would like because of him and believe me, realizing daily what a shitty daughter and sibling you are isn't ideal. I can't even cheer myself up with Layla, for some reason he is gatekeeping her from me, I have never even seen a picture of her. Scared she will like pick me over you, Sim?

7. I hate when he calls me "baby", "princess", "sweetheart" and other stomach upsetting pet names, mainly because his flirting (at least that's what Sunoo says it is) is pitiful and it gives me a heart attack every two business days.

8. He never worries. "y/n it's just a little coffee", Jungwon never blinked that day, not even once. "Relax y/n, it's chocolate", Riki was high on sugar. "We're at a party, have fun for once baby" Heeseung ended up in a fountain a neighbourhood away from the feast and almost drowned (we had our own little Titanic that night). For the record, I do have a lot of fun Jake, stop calling me an "uptight little princess".

9. That fucker laughs at his own tiktoks, he watches his page for hours on ends and has the audacity of having the time of his life. I wonder how the fuck he still finds deez nuts jokes funny when he hasn't been twelve in a while. If you're thinking "well, that's tragic" and not "he is hopeless" it's because, Diary, you still don't know that he listens unironically to Drake in 2021. Now that is tragic. To all the girls and boys who simp for Jake I just want to say that no, you can't fix him.

10. He makes me feel sort of funny sometimes. I believe it's due to the stress he gives me while Sunoo, on the other hand, is convinced that my hate for him it's "just a cover" for my "romantic feelings" and "that's what's up with your accelerated heartbeat, dumbass".

Let's focus on our last point. First of all, cardiovascular diseases run in the family, the doctor once told me that I am subjected to episodes of heart insufficiency. So, there's that. Second of all, I will never fall for that cretin of Jake sim. What would I even fall for? His outrageous skinny jeans? His stupid hair? That dumb laugh of his?

Now let’s hypothesize that I like him (which I don’t, ew), why would he like me?  But this is a conversation for another time.

This was sort of fun, maybe I’ll do this again tomorrow,

Bye bye Diary :)

[landthatplane-blog]

Late Night/Early Morning. Thoughts on McLaren and Daniel Ricciardo. 

Basically me trying to outlogic all the online haters and their arguments, or at least get them to empathize. Long time lurker, but recent events are causing this verbal vomit essay. Please forgive any newb to Tumblr mistakes.

Of course - this is sport and nobody should get abuse, but we also should be able to call it how we see it. Also, trying to find nuance, empathy and sympathy is what the world really needs. 

Daniel Ricciardo deserves better. He is clearly a respected member of the F1 community and some people are forgetting the ten years he's been a part of the sport. While he had some bad races these past two years, he’s also had good ones and he still deserves a place in F1.

To everyone who says "Daniel wasn't performing, he deserves it..." McLaren absolutely had and has the choice to make a change, if they felt he wasn't performing, but it wasn't for lack of trying and they didn't need to eviscerate Daniel to do so. That's what people are upset about. The lack of integrity Zak Brown has when it came to dealing with this was just astonishing. Dangling an F1 seat that wasn't technically available to so many people. Imagine having a job/contract, and your boss is interviewing people all around the building you work at...for your job! This was clearly happening for months - how can anyone expect someone to perform well? So while DR hasn't been performing with a car that's difficult, add this and is it really a surprise he's been inconsistent? Just imagine what he's had to go through this year. Add world stage, and the pressure becomes something impossible to ignore. 

Also - what's the point of a contract? In my opinion, Zak Brown wanted Daniel to quit so they wouldn't have to pay out his contract. Obviously that didn't happen, guessing due to Oscar/Alpine blow up. How McLaren could negotiate such a terrible contract for themselves? One will never know. Thank goodness Daniel gets paid out - they broke the contract. They're also effectively and potentially leaving him without a drive in F1 for 2023 - so yes, they should be paying him out. That's the point of a contract. 

Ultimately, they could have worked with Daniel to ensure a more honorable and peaceful exit. Who knows maybe if Daniel knew this was going on / they wanted the change - and didn't overtly commit to McLaren - Aston Martin could have been another option. Sigh, what could have been. (Ps. Scotty James/Chloe Stroll/Lance Stroll get papa Stroll to move away from Fernando and sign DR. Based on public personas, sure Lance would rather work with DR anyway. And since contracts don't seem to hold up, why can't this be a reality? Kidding, kind of. Ha)

Ultimately, nobody denies it's a bad fit between Daniel and McLaren and a change should happen - they didn't need to tear the man down to do it. Hate the circumstances, but ultimately happy Daniel is getting out. 

Also, do people really think Oscar Piastri is innocent in this? Or maybe Mark Webber poorly managed this situation. He and Mark Webber went after a seat that wasn't technically available (no matter how McLaren positioned it), one a fellow countryman technically held. It's a sad start to Oscar's F1 career because it's leaving a bad taste in everyone's mouth. 

And fuck yes to Seb Vettel for not only supporting Daniel, but pointing out what no one else will. They have failed him - not only in never extracting his potential (aka getting the car closer to Daniel and his strengths), but more monstrously, they failed him as a human. For everyone saying it's a business (even Daniel has admitted that), and it is, but some empathy and kindess could have gone along way.

Now, McLaren is like divorced couple who have to live in the same house for nine more races. 

And through it all, Daniel remains resilient. Class act. He's basically killing them with kindness. I hope he finds what he's looking for next year and beyond. He deserves better. 

And jumble of thoughts over. Anyone share these thoughts? A little nervous to post. Happy to have discourse and disagreement, but please be respectful♥️

[archived-kin]

obey me cast + their genshin mains

i woke up at like three in the morning and scribbled this all down

not a formal writing piece so i haven’t formatted it like one, but i thought this was a fun idea!!

lucifer: diluc

they both have Fatherly Issues (in very different ways though)

probably inwardly makes fun of diluc for not liking wine

doesn’t really have any emotional attachment??? he just keeps diluc because he does a lot of damage and helps kill enemies quick

he actually has pretty good luck with getting 5 stars before he’s even hit pity, but he has awful luck on the event banners in terms of getting the featured 5 star - he’s never once won the 50/50 when he actually reaches it

gets really good artifact and weapon drops though so all of his levelled-up characters have super overpowered kits

he’s never actually looked up any recommended character builds, he’s just smart enough to figure out what all the stats mean and build his characters accordingly

has not touched his serenitea pot since he got it

not actually great with battle strategy and elemental reaction, he just tries to hit as hard as he can at all times

all of his characters are built dps because he doesn’t know how to build supports or healers

never teleports anywhere (he still hasn’t even unlocked half the waypoints)

didn’t realise the statues of seven healed until really late into the game

doesn’t bother with the reputation quests/bounties

all of his characters are still on that black glider that amber first gives you

it took him ages to finish the archon quest in mondstadt because he didn’t want to go into the cathedral

mammon: zhongli

accidentally got zhongli on like his very first event wish and has mained him ever since

he thinks it’s really funny that zhongli never has money (even though he also often has no money)

apart from that he likes the idea of playing the character that literally makes all the mora in teyvat

was actually considering switching after he finished the liyue archon quests because he absolutely hated how zhongli handled the whole thing but he didn’t want to give up that big pp damage

still doesn’t know that you can climb up onto dvalin in the stormterror battle

mixes and matches artifacts, but the ones he does use have really good stats and sub stats though so the lack of a set bonus doesn’t make much difference

didn’t realise you could increase talent levels until ar 50

loves doing the blossoms of wealth and hasn’t let his mora drop below 100k ever since he accidentally used it all up levelling his team to lv60

immediately does a wish as soon as he gets enough primos, unless it’s an event banner for a character he doesn’t like

he also ignores the story and hangout quests for the characters he doesn’t like

dabbles in the serenitea pot but doesn’t have the patience to really commit to it

forgets to do his commissions until the very last minute and lets his resin fill up to 160 before remembering that he’s not supposed to let it get full

is terrified of spiral abyss on a molecular level

levi: barbara

he loves idols so of course barbara is his favourite

has her built dps and does more vaporise damage with her charged attacks than some people’s 5 star bursts

ended up building lisa as a dps too because she makes fighting the oceanid for the cleansing hearts much easier

somehow still gets barbara to heal enormous chunks of hp as well??

has all three of her talents crowned, she’s lv90 and so is her 5 star weapon, plus all of her artifacts are +20

he likes getting the event 5 stars even if he’s never going to build them, they just make him feel superior in his luck

has really bad artifact drops which makes him really frustrated because he knows exactly how to build his characters with the perfect stats, he just can’t get the right artifacts!!!!!

keeps getting crit dmg, crit rate and atk% sub stats on defence circlets and it makes him die a little more on the inside each time

he despises jean because of how she makes barbara feel and desperately wants mihoyo to make a moment where jean tries to fight something but fails and barbara then steps in and takes it down immediately

never gets barbara’s constellations with makes him very upset because he wants c6 so BAD

nearly cried when he got barbara’s happy birthday voiceline

somehow got his serenitea pot to adeptal energy 20k within like two weeks but it doesn’t look good?? it’s just a whole bunch of 4 star furnishings shoved wherever there’s room

is pretty much always online at any given time

has nearly every single achievement in the game (goddammit just GIVE HIM THE RELIABLE HELPER COMMISSION)

satan: diona

this is not up for debate

he saw her in the character archive and immediately decided that if he didn’t get her he was quitting the game

luckily for him it was xiao’s banner around this time and he managed to get c3 diona from that alone

much like levi with barbara, he managed to build her so that she does enormous amounts of damage but still performs her shielding/healing really well

he prioritises her over everyone else but because of this diona is still his only fully-built character

all talents crowned, all artifacts +20, etc

hates draff with all his heart and refuses to buy anything from him

will murder you if you refer to diona as a loli in front of him

i’m aware keqing also sort of looks like she has cat ears but as far as i know that’s just her hair???

if anything i feel like satan wouldn’t like her because he’s offended that people think those chunk of hair look remotely like a cat’s cute lil ears

chose all his other team members based solely on whether or not their skill set would benefit diona

refuses to use any of the characters lucifer uses and got legitimately angry when he found out lucifer had started building diona to help with spiral abyss

spends like five minutes at a time making diona jump into water because he thinks the cannon ball animation is the cutest thing in the world

if a boss he’s fighting manages to kill diona, he gets so angry that he pretty much obliterates it immediately after

asmo: lisa

partially because she’s pretty and her personality is right up his alley, and partially out of pettiness because he sees so many people slandering her

doesn’t know how to build anyone, he’s only got a good lisa build out of sheer luck

none of his other characters have remotely good builds. like, maiden’s beloved on tartaglia?? really, asmo???

squealed when lisa called traveller a cutie

talks to her while he’s running about doing quests or battles

plays pretty sparingly so his ar is relatively low and he barely has any characters outside the starters

usually gets levi to one shot the bosses for him when he needs to ascend/upgrade the talents of his characters

(levi agrees because it gives him a pretty big power trip)

he also likes kaeya and has him in his team but lisa’s magic is just so pretty to him

spends all his primos on the standard banner trying to get lisa constellations but he still only has c4

all of the solo boss battles he’s won were only won out of sheer luck

adores the concept of the serenitea pot, but he doesn’t like a lot of the furnishings available

desperately wants a character customisation function

died seven times trying to do the stormterror fight and had to have levi do it for him in the end

still doesn’t done any of the story quests that you need a key for

spends most of his free time finding some pretty landscapes, changing the time, and taking pictures of lisa doing one of her idles against the sunset

beel: xiangling

decided he liked her as soon as he did her story quest

he’s only gotten up to floor 4 of spiral abyss because he only did floor 3 to get her

still only has c2 :((((

always has to have snacks with him while he’s gaming because xiangling’s voice lines remind him of how hungry he is

desperately wishes she was real because he wants to taste how good her food is for himself

likes cooking a bunch of dishes in-game, but he also gets frustrated because they all look so GOOD and he can’t eat them

doesn’t really know how building works but he does vaguely know what stats are good and how set bonuses work

doesn’t like hu tao because she’s mean to xiangling >:( plus belphie despises her and beel rarely likes anything his twin dislikes

is low-key upset that xiangling’s story quest was so early in the game because he didn’t appreciate it enough at the time and he hasn’t seeb her in-game for ages

still doesn’t have any 5 stars apart from the traveller, but he does have literally every 4 star in the game

is the type to bring xiangling to pyro domains but luckily she does some pretty good physical dmg as well so his teammates don’t get as mad

takes some time out of every day to find every food/ingredient vendor in the game and buy out their entire stock

still has never run out of mora somehow????

belphie: qiqi

i made this choice partially because of that one halloween belphie ur where he’s dressed up in a jiangshi costume

aside from that i feel like she just sends his big brother instincts haywire

he cried a little bit when he read her backstory, not gonna lie

like satan, he will kill you if you call qiqi a loli

somehow managed to build her as a physical dps that does like 5000 per hit?????

(he has unholy artifact luck and all of qiqi’s artis have atk, crit dmg and crit rate as their stats and sub-stats, plus aquila favonia)

he started out building her as an all-around dps but then he realised that her burst and skill couldn’t do much in terms of damage since they’re healing-oriented, so he decided to build her physical since that the only type of dmg she can constantly apply

and qiqi still heals reliably because her healing is scaled off her attack, which is like monstrously high???

qiqi hates hu tao so of course belphie does too

he still refuses to do her story quest and didn’t touch her banner or character trial

really really wants a qiqi banner for constellations but is aware that that is incredibly unlikely

doesn’t trust baizhu and wants zhongli to adopt qiqi since he seems like a much more reliable dad

heard the theory that xiao is the adeptus that killed qiqi and therefore also despises him even though it hasn’t even been concerned or anything

diavolo: eula

don’t get me wrong diavolo definitely gives me pyro vibes but i feel like he’d just feel so bad for how the mondstadters misunderstand and mistreat eula in her story quest that he’d immediately go to spend all his primos on wishing for her

he’s got r2 broken pines and a full pale flame artifact set with some pretty decent stats and substats on her so she does pretty enormous damage

it’s lucky that eula’s move set doesn’t require anything too strategic because all diavolo does is button mash

all of his characters are physical damage dealers because he doesn’t really know how to do elemental reactions

(because of this though he’s awful at fighting a lot of the bosses, especially the oceanid)

his favourite boss battle is the weekly golden house trounce domain because he can always smack childe down really quickly

he’s stinking rich so he can afford to spend just about as much money as he wants to get any character he wants

like he got all the way to pity on eula’s banner and lost the 50/50 to mona but he just bought more primos and got all the way to pity again to get eula

on the other hand he got broken pines twice in two ten rolls on the weapon banner and he wasn’t anywhere near pity for that

he joined levi along with satan and asmo to have a go at doing the golden house fight in co-op and he managed to pretty much oneshot a lv90 childe in phase 1 and phase 3 with just eula’s burst

(he spent phase 2 recharging it)

barbatos: venti

this is at least 70% because venti is also called barbatos

he somehow knows pretty much everything there is to know about building characters well and he’s built venti with both attack and elemental mastery

got venti on his first banner and managed to get to c4 on his rerun

doesn’t appreciate how much venti drinks and actively buys the non-alcoholic juices from angel’s share to give him as if that’ll help????

is terrified of fighting the wolf because it’s immune to anemo

(don’t ask how he managed to get the hurricane seeds for ascending venti)

can pretty much fire off venti’s burst as soon as it’s over because his energy recharge is somehow also insane

diligently collects all the recipes and masters every single one of them

his serenitea pot is literally so perfect looking????? i don’t know how to describe it everything just fits together flawlessly

diavolo offers to buy him primos because he’s got more than enough money but barbatos doesn’t wish a whole lot so he usually refuses

(diavolo knew he mained venti and liked him though so he bought him a bunch for the rerun anyway)

he still doesn’t have any five star weapons but stringless works really well on venti anyway so he doesn’t mind

doesn’t really like co-op, prefers to just wander around in his own world

simeon: yanfei

simeon definitely gives me hydro vibes and he probably mained a hydro before yanfei, but i feel like he happened to get her on zhongli’s banner and decided he really liked her as soon as he started trying her out

he adores her little ‘boom boom!’

she also works really well doing big damage with vaporise which is good because simeon plays a lot with luke, who mains barbara

he low key identifies with how yanfei doesn’t want to focus on her identity as an immortal half-adeptus because simeon himself often wants to forget the fact that he’s a divine being and just live peacefully

often forgets that yanfei gets a lot of her dmg from charged attacks and just keeps doing normal attack combos until he registers the scarlet seals and realises he needs to hold the button down

nearly all of his characters were basically backseat-built by levi and solomon

even though his team is pretty powerful he still dies a bunch because his battle strategy is just ‘stand there and keep hitting the attack button until it dies’

keeps running off of cliffs and forgetting to plunge/glide and just dying to fall damage

back when he was like ar20 he accidentally wandered into liyue early and immediately got killed by a treasure hoarder

spent like ten minutes of his first stormterror fight just running off the end of his platform before someone told him he was meant to glide

luke: barbara as well

if you’ve seen my post about barbara and luke being siblings you’ll understand why i’ve made this choice

aside from that luke just likes barbara because she’s one of the nicest characters in the game

plus she’s a deaconess in a church and he’s an angel so

unlike levi he’s got her built purely as a healer, but she heals so MUCH

luke’s entire team is just support characters?? but their support is so good that they kind of make each other dpses in their own right??

his strategy is to keep his whole team at full hp and deal relatively small but very steady increments of damage

unfortunately this means he isn’t great at the artifact and weapon/character enhancement domains because they’ve got time limits

wants to have a pretty serenitea pot but he just can’t get it to look how he wants it to

like levi, he doesn’t like jean because of how she makes barbara feel (and also how jean just refuses to take any sort of older sister role for her)

got her to c6 on a single event banner because she just kept coming home (he wasn’t complaining though)

is contemplating building her dps because he thinks it’d be cool if she did a bunch of damage like levi’s barbara

likes to just sit and wait for her to do her dancing idle because he thinks it’s cute (will immediately make her move and cut off the other one though because it’s about jean and he doesn’t like her)

solomon: albedo

they both look sensible but they’re both just mad scientists on the inside

doesn’t really know how albedo’s burst and skill work, just keeps tapping buttons whenever they’re available

if he didn’t have albedo he’d probably main a catalyst but he relates to how curious albedo is about just about everything

(plus he does like his design)

always gets the limited time 5 star on his first ten pull on the event banners????? is he using his magic somehow??????

and also somehow gets really good weapons and artifacts????

he knows enough about artifacts to know what to put on who so all of his characters are really well built

he’s the type with eight lv90 5-stars with lv90 5-star weapons and fully upgraded artifact sets in his character showcase

his signature is ‘hack me i dare you’

constantly getting friend requests from fellow players who want an op friend to help them in domains and against bosses

but unfortunately even if solomon has a bunch of overpowered characters he is very bad at using them

gets all the elemental reactions wrong, uses the wrong element against the wrong enemy, forgets to do things like putting albedo’s skill down before his ult, and he can’t aim with any of the archers

like i said he just taps buttons and hopes for the best

because of this he’s still at floor 6 in spiral abyss

[jesawyer]

What do you think about high lethality RPG systems? Like in GURPS where a .338 lapua magnum rifle can kill a PC multiple times with average damage 2 miles away. Or in fantasy, like Dark Sun AD&D where Shadow mages(preservers and defilers : the wizard of athas) could die while preparing spells and when he reaches high level, he can kill a army of high level monsters with a single wail of the banshee?

I think they're fine if that's the sort of experience everyone wants, but I believe that in practice, most players don't want that experience when it comes to their characters.

GURPS has always had this kind of pseudo-simulative aspect to it where it's pretty crunchy, ostensibly with the goal of verisimilitude. I think some of the subsystems work better toward this goal than others (which would be expected given the sheer scope of GURPS as a whole). The basic weapon/attack mechanics do an okay job of it and players can easily make monstrously lethal characters with just a bit of effort, but those same characters are often just as vulnerable to being taken out by a single bad hit.

Forget .338 Lapua magnum. Even a far more pedestrian 7.62x51 NATO rifle will kill almost any ordinary or exceptional person in GURPS if the attacker hits the head (which is not hard in many circumstances) - and that's a weapon a lot of starting characters can have access to!

I think the circumstances in D&D are a little different. Pre 3E D&D did feature fragile wizards, but that's slowly been phased out over time. D&D in general has a structured power progression that almost guarantees most competently-built high-level characters will be able to absolutely annihilate low-level characters with ease. Gear is important, but rarely as world-shattering as it is in something like GURPS that is trying to support a huge range of technology levels and weapon types while being simulative.

So I don't think of D&D as featuring "high lethality" in the same way that I think of GURPS. A 10th level wizard can waste a room full of baby kobolds with a fireball, sure, but at low levels, most characters struggle to take out individual enemies in a single round.

[more-stuff-of-pi]

I’ll Fight For You

a/n: lmao i swear i’m fine, just needed good ol’ kiri to assist me in a v self-indulgent fic. also, sorry for taking forever to write something yoinks

notes: did i read through this after i wrote it? nope. we’re fucking rolling with the audacity of not even a single ounce of beta-ing. requests are open :) find my masterlist here

pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader | genre: angst (w/happy ending) / hurt/comfort | warnings: abusive mother (mental/verbal), a father who doesn’t intervene | word count: 2,018

Your boyfriend was practically vibrating with nerves as he adjusted his hair in the mirror. It was artfully piled on top of his head, his dark roots making a sharp contrast against the vibrant red.

“Ei,” you smiled, “you’re gonna be fine.”

He worried his sharp teeth against his bottom lip, frowning all the while. “But what if they--?”

“They’re going to love you, Ei. Probably even more than they love me,” you joke, coming up behind Eijirou’s monstrously large form. Hero work had been both kind and harsh on him but he made it look effortlessly good. You gently slid your arms around his waist as you angled yourself so that you could still eye his reflection.

“I’m just… worried, is all.”

You cock your eyebrow. “About what, Ei?”

He incredulously meets your gaze through the mirror. “What do you mean, about what?!”

It dawns on you a little bit. “Oh, well, she’s not going to be mean to you, Ei. She knows how to play nice when it counts. And you, good sir, count.”

“That’s not as reassuring as it is worrying, you know.”

“My mother is just a little intense, babe, it’s nothing I’m not used to. Like I said, she knows how to tone it down in front of others. I’m sure tonight will be fine. I probably just exaggerate everytime I whine about her, so she’s probably not even half as bad as I make her sound,” you shrug, leaning more into Eijirou’s side.

“Baby,” he sighs, twisting a little to look directly at you, no mirror this time. His eyes are sad yet firm as if wishing you to understand that there’s no need to defend yourself with him.

You squeeze him tighter before letting go and walking to the door. “C’mon, we’ll be late if we don’t leave now.”

❁

You always forget that you don’t really ever exaggerate your mother’s behavior towards you until you’re around her again. Everything as far as introducing your boyfriend to your parents has been going incredibly smoothly. Your dad enthusiastically engaged Eijirou in hero stories, talking about Red Riot’s  most recent media appearance where he was dressed in pajamas and carrying tubs of various ice creams you both had wanted to try when he dropped everything to prevent a construction beam from falling on clueless bystanders. Only one tub of ice cream had survived and luck had it that it was your least favorite flavor combination. Your mother praised Eijirou for his success and his coupling good looks at which she winked, making your boyfriend flush both at the phrase and the uncomfortable comments your mother directed at him. You winced at that, having forgotten to prepare him for the habitual talent your mother had of sexualizing anything, especially if it would ‘embarrass’ her child.

Your mother had made off handed comments throughout the whole night that you seemed to be the only one to pick up on. Your dad might have noticed a few but, as usual, he only looked at you apologetically, never interrupting his wife to stand up for you.

As much as you loved both of your parents and as much as they had their good moments, this fucking sucked.

“--not that she’s any good with that quirk of hers, of course,” your mother snickered as she brought the glass to her lips. You had become a good actor over the years in order to avoid your mother’s bullying over your ‘sensitiveness’, but something about her dismissing your hard work always immediately dismantled whatever mask you had thrown on. To cover what you know must be a crestfallen look, you give a laugh, something that could be called half-hearted at best. Your eyes remained trained on your food. “Oh come on, Y/n, that was funny.”

You chuckled again, hoping to force some genuineness into it. “Yeah--”

“No, it wasn’t,” Eijirou immediately cuts you off, voice straining with anger. You felt your face drain of blood as you noticed how tightly he was gripping his chopsticks. He was fuming. You don’t think you’d ever seen him angry before. The thought scared you. “That was just mean.”

Your mother quirked an unimpressed, subtly pissed brow at your boyfriend. “Don’t be sensitive, Eijirou. House rules: if it’s mean but funny, it’s okay.”

“As long as you get a laugh from it, it’s okay to abuse your child?” He spits at her like venom.

Your mother sets her glass down, eyes narrowing. “Excuse me?”

“You heard--”

You slap a hand over Eijirou’s bicep, squeezing so hard you wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up bruising. “It’s fine! Nothing I’m used to! I grew up on the ‘if it’s mean but funny’ rule, so it’s fine.”

The look he gave you was of incredulous anger. “No, it is not--!”

“Please, Ei. Please, just--,” you averted your eyes, ashamed of your own familiar defeat. “Just sit.”

Shamefully, you slide back into your seat, nervously smoothing out a napkin back onto your lap. Eijirou still stood beside you, staring daggers at your mother who effortlessly returned it. His fists were balled, the veins in his hands flexing with the effort of restraining himself. His jaw snapped shut with an audible clamp as he resolved himself to sitting back down.

Your dad clears his throat, more so than necessary as if the harder he did it, the better he could dissipate the tension. “Done, everyone?” No one answers him. He takes that as the go ahead to begin clearing dishes, desperately jumping at the opportunity to escape your mother’s impending tantrum. You loved your dad very much but, god, he was nothing if not a coward, always leaving you to fight your own battles. You don’t think you’ve ever won.

Your mother returns her cold attention to you, the ice starting to thicken and your mother’s hollow kindness starting to retreat along with her patience. “What are you even doing to help train your quirk, sweetie?”

Taken aback, you met her gaze. “W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t ever see you doing anything at all to help. You do realize that training takes work, right? What does it take? It takes--,” your mother trailed off, flourishing both hands to motion for you to finish the sentence.

“Effort--”

“Effort!” She clapped with your word. “It takes effort! And I only want the best for you, sweetheart, which is why I’m just asking what you’re doing. From where I stand, it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything at all to help improve yourself! As your mother, your concerned mother, I’m just looking out for you, sweetheart.”

Your mind is reeling at her words. You so badly want to defend yourself, assert all of the effort that you have painstakingly put in-- but you are reminded of the precise way your mother is able to leech any ounce of power or confidence from you. You would think that was her quirk if you didn’t know any better. “Mom, I am putting effort in, I train almost everyday--”

“Do you really?” Her voice drips with venomous shock. “It certainly doesn’t look like you do,” she gestures vaguely at you, eyeing your body with a vulture’s gaze. “Maybe you should consider morning and night. Oh! And a diet change, too. You know, since the popular heroes have a specific look to them and I just want to make sure that you can fit that. Since it’s your dream to be a popular hero. Like I said, you have to be willing to put in the effort. Oh, sweetie, don’t look at me like that. You know the difficult position I’m in! Trying to encourage you and help you achieve your dreams while not seeming too enthusiastic. You’re putting that stress on me, sweetie, I’m only trying to help.”

It really was incredible how quickly your mother could erase any confidence you had. Normally, you would stand beaming, more than happy to assert yourself and stand up for yourself and others. All it took was a couple words from your mother, and you turned into a dog with its head down and its tail between its legs, fearful of its master.

Your gut sank and hatred swirled throughout your body for both yourself and her as you once again let her have power over you. “You’re right. Sorry, Mom--”

“Do you know where your daughter ranks as a hero?”

Stunned, you both glanced at Eijirou, having almost completely forgotten that he was there. Throughout her tirade, you had felt a tragically familiar loneliness, used to having to defend yourself when no one, not even your other family members, would. Used to always submitting and used to the shame that always accompanied your forced silence.

“What?” She spat.

“I asked if you knew your daughter’s ranking. I just was wondering, is all. It would make sense if you weren’t aware that she ranks in the top 30 since you were asking about the effort she puts in. I would think that that accomplishment -- at such a young age, too, might I add -- was evidence enough of the countless hours, blood, sweat, and tears that she has poured into this. The effort she’s painstakingly put in. You’re right that being a hero is her dream, and she’s a damn good one, too. Saved my life more than once with ‘that quirk of hers’,” he sneered bitterly. “And, on top of that, she’s so beautiful through and through that sometimes it’s all I can do to stare at her in awe. Your thinly veiled shaming of her appearance is never the result of a mother’s so-called difficult situation, only the result of your own insecurities.”

Eijirou suddenly stands, having finally had more than enough for one night. “The only gratitude I will ever have towards you is for bringing this wonderful woman into this world. I hope one day you’ll actually realize how amazing your daughter is and how proud of her you ought to be. Because I am. I am so incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments and the results of her efforts.”

“And who’s to say that I’m not proud of her, Eijirou?”

He scoffs. Eijirou, the kindest, most patient man you know, scoffs in your mother’s face. “Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?”

Your mother gapes up at him, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. In that moment, she resembles a fish and you couldn’t be more pleased with that comparison.

“He’s right, mom.” You rise to join him. “I know you love me. I have no choice but to believe it because I think it would destroy me if I didn’t. But maybe someday I won’t constantly have to defend myself to you and you’ll accept the things I say without dismissing them. You always say you admire me most for my assertiveness but you shut me down anytime I use it to stand up for myself against you. And that makes you nothing but a hypocrite.” You stare her down, reveling in the confidence Eijirou gives you in this thing against your mother. For the first time, you are not alone as you fight this battle. For the first time, you have help. And for the first time, you feel like you’ve won. “Now if you’ll excuse us.”

You take Eijirou’s hand and lead him out of the house, leaving your parents to stare after you in shock. As soon as you make it out, cold air hits you like a slap in the face that harshly wakes you from a daze.

“Holy shit, Ei, did I just stand up to my mom?”

He laughs and squeezes your hand. “It was pretty manly, too.” You laugh breathlessly, still in disbelief as you push your other fist against his arm. “And you know,” he continues, “that I’m the best judge of that.”

“That must mean a lot,” you grin, swinging your linked hands between you as you walk further from your parents’ home, feeling the fullness of a good meal and a battle won.

taglist: @samwrights, @mayaoliviee, @luluwiie​, @gigglyparker​ (i thought i would tag you since you commented on the draft that i posted of this, hope you don’t mind <3)

[therealvinelle]

Answering the ask about Carlisle killing humans: take two

In this post, @effervescent-influenza​ asked me what it would take for Carlisle to intentionally kill a human. Sadly for effervescent-influenza, the thought of Carlisle killing people was apparently so inconceivable to my brain that it said “Error. Did you mean: accidentally kills a human?” and so I wrote them a post about Carlisle losing patients as part of his work as a doctor instead. [Insert the meme about Michael asking for a file but getting a cactus from The Good Place here.]

Anyway, here’s me trying to give effervescent-influenza an actual answer and not just another cactus.

What could motivate Carlisle to kill a human?

He was willing to kill newborns in Eclipse. This was in self-defense and to defend others, and he had no other means to stop them. These were unique conditions that had not arisen before in his near four-hundred-years long life.

He’ll never need to defend himself from humans. If he needs to keep a human from hurting other humans, then he will have an array of options, as it is we see him do this in canon with Bella’s would-be rapists. They’re drugged and taken to a police station, where the police have outstanding arrest warrents on them. (Question I’ll return to below: What would he have done if those would-be rapists weren’t known to the police? If they would go back to raping and murdering as soon as they woke up?)

Beyond that, looking for other motives...

Carlisle isn’t going to kill a human for his own benefit, as there would be none. He’s not willing to kill them for their blood, he would not benefit materially, and there’s nothing humans could do to him to provoke him. A patient could become obsessed with him and become his Misery-style terrifying stalker, or a capricious colleague could set out to make him miserable at work, and he’d probably fail but if he didn’t, if a human succeeded in being such a nuisance that it bothered Carlisle, then Carlisle can just move. Always, if a human becomes a problem for him, he can just pack up his things and move. He has a low threshold for doing this.

Carlisle’s not going to kill any humans for his own sake.

But, we do in canon see that he allowed Rosalie to kill her rapists and that he took it for granted that something had to be done about Bella’s would-be rapists.

To take Rosalie and her rapists first, Edward (who is not the best source, but I’ll write a separate post on that. Basically, read the below closely - notice how he inserts himself into this.) explains how it went down:

“In the first year of Rosalie’s second life, before she had disappeared on her several missions of revenge, her thoughts had given her away clearly and thoroughly. I knew what she was planning, and I’d informed Carlisle. The first time, he counseled her gently, urging her to let go of her past life, certain that if she did she would forget, and then her pain could lessen. Revenge could not bring back anything she had lost. But when his guidance met only the implacability of her fury, he gave her advice on how best to be discreet about her forays. Neither of us could argue that she didn’t deserve vengeance. And we both couldn’t help but believe that the world would be a better place without the rapists and murderers who had ended her life.” (Midnight Sun, chapter 18)

For the record, I disagree with the notion that Carlisle would wish Charles Evenson (Esme’s abusive first husband) harm, or harbor revenge fantasies, and this is why. Killing Charles wouldn’t take away Esme’s trauma, it wouldn’t undo any of what happened to her, and it wouldn’t help her heal. It would be for Carlisle’s own benefit, for him to feel better, at the cost of a human life.

More, this would make Carlisle judge and jury of which humans get to live or die. In his life as a doctor, Carlisle has seen countless of cruel men who abused their families. Most of them still have their wives and children living with them, with no rescue in sight. If Carlisle were to kill Evenson, what justification does he have not to kill other abusers?

We know, through Carlisle’s condemnation of Edward’s actions when he ran away to eat rapists, and again when he’s delighted Edward didn’t eat rapists in 2005, that Carlisle doesn’t think humans lose their right to live - or perhaps, to rephrase in light of Rosalie’s situation - killing isn’t worth what it does to you, the killer.

When Rosalie wanted revenge, Carlisle urged her to move past it, to heal without making herself a murderer. That had nothing to do with Royce, or whether Carlisle thought he deserved to die or not, and everything to do with Rosalie. She had a very long life ahead of herself, and Carlisle did not want her to start it off with murder.

Of course, Rosalie refused to move past it, she had to have her revenge to move past this, and so Carlisle agreed. I imagine his consent came because of several factors:

This wasn’t a vampire killing humans, as Carlisle killing Charles would be, or Edward killing rapists for that matter. This was personal: this was a rape victim killing her rapists. Had Rosalie survived and been given a gun, she likely would have done the same thing.

Had Royce and his friends been convicted of the rape and murder of Rosalie Hale, they would have received the capital sentence. Unfortunately there was no body, so no one would know what happened to Rosalie and no charges could be pressed against anybody. Even if they could, and suspected who did it, Royce King II was a rich white man at the top of the social ladder in the 1930′s. He was untouchable. He did what he did to Rosalie because he knew he’d get away with it. Rosalie killing him and the other four rapists was what the legal system would have seen to in an ideal world.

Royce King II would likely have done what he did to Rosalie again, to other women.

Rosalie deserved justice after what was done to her.

Royce King II was a perfect storm of conditions for Carlisle to approve of a killing, and even then he would rather have Rosalie not do it. Rosalie and Edward found out how far Carlisle would go, and that turned out to be not very far at all.

And yet, when Bella was accosted in Port Angeles, there was no question to Carlisle as to whether he should do something or not.

I think, and this is me headcanoning, that when Carlisle has found himself facing the Royces of this world, people who are only going to hurt others, and there has been no legal recourse, his preferred course of action has been nothing, or as little as possible. Action means making himself judge and jury of mankind, and that’s not what he’s for. He walks with humans to help them, not to act as some vigilante above us all . He doesn’t have that right.

In extreme cases, though...

There will always be extreme cases. Serial rapists, child molestors, the worst of the worst. And they’ll be hard to catch for humans, especially in times preceding modern forensics. Carlisle, with his nose and hearing, has likely known the identities of culprits and of undiscovered crimes he knew he could never bring to the police. “Yes, your honor, I smelled him all over the crime scene. He’s guilty!”

I honestly think, in the most desperate situations where to do nothing would be to condemn the innocent to suffer monstrously, Carlisle has gotten creative. This could mean anything, could mean bundling up the offending human and putting them on a boat headed to Australia, could mean gathering up his surgical equipment in the dead of night and making a eunich.

Doesn’t mean murder, though. He made that quite clear with Rosalie and Royce. No matter the evil of the human offender, becoming a murderer would only make it a greater tragedy.

TL;DR: “Cool motive, still murder” - Carlisle Cullen.